#( but also she absolutely falls asleep in her day clothes 80% of the time )

[clochanamarch]

but also like what kinda clothes does your muse wear when they're going to bed? like what are their "pajamas"? do they wear pajama sets? a nightshirt? nightdress? t-shirt and shorts? underwear? do they go nude? this is important to me for reasons we will uncover once i invent convincing ones outside of my own curiosity!

[sweettodo]

LMFAO- can u headcannon the aot warriors + y/n in a zoom meeting. and y’know y/n a little baddie and wears a revealing outfit 😩😏

i just saw this tiktok of some fanart of them in a zoom meet and it was the cutest thing EVERRRR.

EREN-

• doesn’t even bother to get out of bed, he just rolls over, picks his laptop from the floor and joins the zoom only to fall back asleep.

• levi constantly attempts to get his attention, and eren doesn’t even budge.

• seldom awake, but when he IS, he will usually interrupt to ask a stupid question: ‘hange where did you get that cool plant?’ or ‘jean i smell you through the zoom call, did you shower today?’

• enjoys changing his background to an odd photo of jean or one of his friends.

• hange will be the first to kick eren out of the zoom, and it’s not like mr. jaeger cares or anything.

• not to mention, he leaves his camera on too. so everyone sees shirtless eren passed out under the blankets with not a regard in the world.

• eats while on the call.

• one day, ( he still thanks god he was awake to see this ) you were working out in the morning before realizing you were already 10 minutes late to your meeting.

• jumping on to the meeting, sweaty, in a revealing sports bra and shorts, you’re apologizing profusely to levi and hange for being late.

• ‘lookin’ good y/n’ eren cackles, but what you or your friends realizing was that eren was now breathless, trying not to stare at you with every bit of will-power he could muster up.

• ‘seems that eren’s pretty awake now, heh’ jean taunts, eren quickly turns off his camera, so he could enjoy looking at you, who decided to wear... that

JEAN-

~ also likes to change his background, plays on his xbox with or without connie, headphones on his head and screaming while levi is muting jean to proceed talking.

~ jean has the pc set up and everything with the two monitors and the colorful custom pc.

~ eren makes fun of him because he uses a microphone. like the ones that have the stand and everything.

~ his room is never fully lit. he used leds, ( blue or green tbh ) shades are always closed.

~ ‘jean, turn off the game. now’ hange swears she tells him everyday.

~ ‘hey jean, didn’t you wear that sweatshirt last time? do you have any other clothes?’ eren ridicules, of course interrupting levi, who’s talking.

~ ‘i see the crumbs on your bed, jaeger!’

~ jean finds himself staring at you once you joined the call, wearing a... revealing... tank top with a very generous bra. his mouth growing increasingly dry.

~ he assumes that no one seems to notice, but when his friends see that he’s quite literally frozen in place, mouth slightly open as he’s looking at your chest.

~ ‘jean’

~ no answer.

~ ‘jean!’

~ ‘hu- yeah, yes?’

~ ‘is your internet having issues? you’re frozen’

MIKASA-

: sits at her desk, she has a picture collage of her, eren and armin on her wall.

: pristine white walls, very clean.

: always needs to call eren to wake him up before the meeting so he doesn’t miss it.

: if she forgets to call eren to wake him up, he blames her for missing the meeting.

: mikasa and armin are always firsts to the meeting.

: she always speaks, and fully participates.

: levi and hange usually are apt to call on her first for her opinions.

: she never turns her camera off, she’s wearing a comfortable but appropriate outfit, jeans and a blouse or shorts and a t shirt.

: sends group emails, for literally whatever reason.

: compliments others backgrounds ( their rooms ).

: reminds eren that his room is a pigsty and he needs to get out of bed, ‘eren, it’s 11:30am, get up.’

: ‘jean, you need to make your bed once and awhile’

: she always compliments what you’re wearing too, ‘i love that top y/n, where’d you get it?’

: and will have absolutely no problem with putting the boys in their place when she catches them gawking at you.

: ‘you guys are like dogs’

: she tells levi to kick them from the meet if they keep staring at you.

ARMIN-

∘ always early.

∘ room is neat, warm looking and he sits on the edge of his bed with his laptop in his lap.

∘ most talkative one here besides levi and hange.

∘ also calls eren every morning to ensure he’s awake.

∘ armin has a notebook and pencil next to him, constantly writing down notes.

∘ always has a presentation ready, a powerpoint or a document to show everyone.

∘ usually sticks to casual, t shirt and jeans.

∘ room is well lit, camera and mic are always on.

∘ also reminds the others to pay attention and be quiet, pleading with them, ‘guys, captain levi is trying to talk.’ also always lectures eren to get out of bed once and awhile.

∘ he doesn’t really pay much attention to what the others are wearing, but he can’t help but glance a few times at your outfit for the day.

∘ it makes his heart pound of his chest when you move to stretch or prop for hand under your chin to listen, your chest on display, arms squeezing them together only a little. he was in awe, swallowing hard and trying not to blush.

∘ avoiding you at all costs.

∘ armin won’t admit it, but he’s a hypocrite, so he’s gonna lecture the boys not to objectify you and tells you that he’s sorry for their immaturity.

∘ but yet here he is.

LEVI-

» cup of tea ready.

» sits at his dining room table.

» dreads having to do the zoom meet, so he’s pretty short tempered the whole time.

» wearing a button up per usual.

» well lit, has a plant in the corner of the room, most likely a cat in the windowsill.

» very english teacher-esque.

» swears the whole time at eren.

» kicks eren and jean out almost every zoom meeting.

» relies on armin for detailed information and analysis’

» needed to ask hange in secret how to present his screen, pin / mute people because he was pretty inept at computers for the most part.

» doesn’t use the mouse pad on his laptop, he connects a mouse because he despises that stupid mouse pad.

» the second he sees what you’re wearing, he shakes his head, ‘tch, i can hear these hounds now’

» yells at the boys to stop being perverts.

CONNIE-

‣  similar to jean, he also used led’s most of the time.

‣  has posters on his walls of music artists, shows, games and people

‣  he sits at his desk, which is cluttered, occasionally plays video games ( not as much as jean )

‣  zones out, looking at something random and blocks out a lot of what hange and levi says.

‣  yawns like 80 times in the span of an hour.

‣  drinks soda, or surfs the web.

‣  his bed is made, and he wears sweatshirts and sweats because like eren, he just got out of bed too.

‣  though connies bed is made, he still has clothes littered here and there, has a rack of shoes in the corner of his room ( he’s a sneaker head )

‣  most likely to not turn his camera on because he leaves the room to do god knows what.

‣  plays imessage games during the call.

‣  teases eren constantly.

‣  he won’t be AS dog-ish when he sees what you’re wearing, but he will say to himself, ‘she has some pretty nice tits’ and will probably text jean saying exactly that. but then he just moved on with his day.

‣  presents memes before the meeting to try and get levi to laugh. it doesn’t work.

HANGE-

≈ shes on her couch.

≈ wears casual outfits.

≈ ushers the boys to participate.

≈ very upbeat and happy.

≈ first person to make an interactive slideshow to get everyone to participate.

≈ shes into sending levi cat memes.

≈ has a cup of coffee next to her, plants and pictures of plants on her wall.

≈ likes to unmute people purposely if their mic is muted.

≈ emails back and fourth with armin and levi for plans for the upcoming meetings.

≈ she will not tolerate anyone disrespecting one another. kicking the boys out to stop them from harassing you about what you’re wearing.

HISORIA-

‹ her room is like a oasis, pastel walls, the vines on her walls and everything.

‹ diffuser in the background and incense.

‹ shes drinking coffee, always dressed, makeup on ( if she chooses to wear it ) and she attends these meetings on her laptop, sitting in front of her vanity.

‹ wears pretty blouses, or a summery dress, hair always fixed to perfection.

‹ sometimes her mom comes in, with cut up fruit and ice water, giving it to her and then leaving.

‹ she has framed pictures of her and everyone on her wall.

‹ also has honor roll certificates on her wall.

‹ she makes sure her vanity light is on so she has good lighting.

‹ also takes notes- color coordinating notes.

‹ she does participate, she laughs at the boys when they act up.

‹ also compliments everyone.

‹ when she catches the boys looking at you, she tells levi to make them knock it off, and then shakes her head in disappointment, ‘you all are so weird, leave y/n alone, you’re making her uncomfortable’

YMIR-

≍ shes usually propped up on her side, laying on her bed or the couch.

≍ she doesn’t participate unless she’s chosen to.

≍ keeps quiet, pays good attention.

≍ she sticks to wearing a sweatshirt and shorts or just a t shirt and leggings.

≍ clean room, warm blue sheets and gray walls.

≍ she gets furious when jean and eren go at it.

≍ shes gonna defend you against the boys pertaining to what you’re wearing, saying, ‘take your dirty eyes off of her’

≍ she doesn’t mind what you’re wearing, she thinks you look really good, but you wouldn’t catch her dead making a comment on your body.

≍ won’t admit it but it makes her flustered seeing how your body looks.

SASHA-

⇝ sits at her kitchen table.

⇝ eating full meals while the meeting takes place.

⇝ doesn’t hesitate to talk when her mouth is full so levi keeps her muted.

⇝ house is very home-y, warm and decorated well, her kitchen is seen in the background with her mom or dad occasionally walking past.

⇝ sometimes asking her mom to make her another sandwich, ( after her third one ).

⇝ always laughing with connie and jean.

⇝ sticks to casual outfits, sweatshirt and leggings, hair always up.

⇝ no filter, so if she catches eren or jean looking at you, she’s gonna jump into action.

⇝ ‘i know you’re not looking at her like that!’

⇝ ‘you better stop looking at her before i go over there!’

⇝ ‘captain if you don’t kick these fools out right now i’ll go over there and kick their asses instead!’

[lovelypersona]

I love your fics!....Please could you do a small fic/ with a pregnant s/o with Goro ,Ryuji and Akira ? Like how each of them would treat their s/o when their s/o is pregnant.

A/N: laughs . Reader is GN!

Goro and Pregnant!S/O

Like father like son. Deadbeat dad. Disappears after a week once he said he was gonna get milk from the store

I’m only mildly joking

No, goro would not abandon you or his baby. But he would be the most scared out of the three to receive the news

Please don’t get pregnant until many many years after the main plot where Goro has had the chance to receive therapy

Goro would need a lot of time to get used to the idea of him being a father in the near-future. So, no, he wouldn’t disappear and leave you, but the first few months where you can still do most things on your own and you don’t need to rely on him as much- he’s sort of flighty. Wouldn’t be unusual for him to take off during the weekend, but he’d at least tell you where he’s going and text you when he’s coming back

Just needs a lot of coping and alone time. And then eventually he’ll kick himself in the balls or ask someone to kick him in the balls since he can’t really do it himself

And then he’ll step up and be there for you.

Once he’s ready, he’ll be studying a lot. Reading all the pregnancy books he can and looking at things like the diet you should have and the amount of exercise you should be doing each day and week

If you really want to be a parent with him, and you want to do all of this with him, be prepared for him to be stern and unrelenting. He’s already 80% sure the baby will be mentally fucked up thanks to him so he at least wants the baby to be 100% physically healthy to prepare for that

Of course he can’t actually control the outcome of the birth and how the baby will be. But he likes to think he can

A very protective dad as well. When you’re in labor he definitely doesn’t like the amount of pain you’re in and he’s kind of like “WHY ARE THEY SCREAMING SO MUCH”

Goro you are also screaming. Calm down

But also seeing you in so much pain and all the blood and just all of it during your labor is very uncomfortable for him. He might have to leave the room a few times to catch his breath, but then he’ll come back in and back to your side, holding your hand just as hard as you’re holding his.

I’d talk more on this topic but I have to write for the others so I’m done now

Akira and Pregnant!S/O

When he finds out you’re pregnant, it’s definitely a shocker, but he doesn’t really express it visibly. Kinda just goes still, eventually says “oh. Alright. What do you need?”

Not even sure if he wants to be a dad and if he’s ready, but he’s willing to help you if you need him!

Bad. Smack him. Bad response

Like Akechi, but not at all to a similar extent, he’ll need time to process the information and mull it over. Not because he’s afraid, but because Akira has to assess what he wants

Akira is a people pleaser, a man with many masks. He’s lost sight of himself more than once because at times he’s not even sure who he really is

His wobbling grasp on his own self makes him uncomfortable and doubtful about his ability to be a parent. He’s not sure if he’s the best parental figure for a child

Despite that, though, he loves you, and he wants to help you. He’ll help you throughout the entire pregnancy and either move in with you/have you move in with him.

Your relationship is a bit strained because of the fact that Akira has no idea what he wants, but the two of you make it work and decide not to talk about it for now and just focus on the task at hand. The pregnancy

It’s during the pregnancy that Akira loosens up and slowly gets more comfortable. As your belly grows and the baby starts kicking, it kind of makes him realize twice-over that you really are carrying a kid that’s half-you and half-him

Huh. Funny how that works

Falls asleep with his head on your belly a lot. Hearing the baby is kind of soothing to him

He also tries to participate in your routines and diets as much as he can. But when you’re not looking or he’s out of the house, he’ll drink as much coffee as he possibly can. It’s the one thing he’s lied to you about. He told you he quit coffee for you but it was a lie a bold face LIE

Once the baby is born, that’s the last straw. After being through the terrifying event that is your labor, and hearing the baby cry for the first time, he’s like “oh. That’s my kid. That’s my kid”

Protective dad instincts all of the sudden and doesn’t like the doctors holding his kid at all

He’ll be a fine parent. Akira just doubts himself a lot, but being with you, you’ll help him and you’ll raise your child together.

Proposes to you like 6 months after your baby is born

Ryuji and Pregnant!S/O

You both absolutely got pregnant during your last year of high school wdym lol

Irresponsible SHIT of course he becomes a dad at the ripe age of 19

You tell him about your pregnancy right away, and when you do, he’s definitely in shock as much as you are

Freaks out a lot and yells very loudly and has a meltdown because he’s not at all ready to be a dad and you’re right there with him

Both of you seriously consider giving the baby up or something like that. But eventually you’ll agree to raising the child together

Probably puts a halt on Ryuji’s running career, but that’s fine. You and his new family is much more important to him than his love for athletics

Eventually he’ll get back into it, because you promised him that he would. You also want to see him thrive and you know that track is his passion. But for now, focus on the baby

Because of his knowledge of athletics, though, you’ve officially scored yourself a supportive trainer during your pregnancy! You WILL be walking at least a mile every day. At Least

Ryuji isn’t as fucked up as Akira and Akechi okay lmao he’s very sweet and loving

He also tries to get a handle on his yelling and swearing while you’re pregnant because he doesn’t want to have those habits once the baby is born

His mother is also very supportive and willing to have you live in her house once you become bigger and the baby is born

Ryuji will also start working more seriously to save up money so the two of you can live at your own place eventually, too

Just a lot of part-time jobs, but it’s better than nothing

Also never allows alcohol in the house and says once the baby is born, you can drink if you want, but just don’t do it in the house with the baby around for the sake of his comfort

Not that he doesn’t trust you, it’s just a comfort thing.

He also immediately told all of the thieves that he’s going to be a dad and he was immediately bombarded with shouting and questioning- especially from makoto- but BESIDES the initial reaction, he has all the support in the world from his friends and you guys get a lot of baby clothes and essentials from them. Mainly haru, bc she’s loaded and she loves you and Ryuji very much

Akira is officially the Uncle and Ann is the Aunt. No further questions

[supernaturallyobsessedchic]

Emergency! Part 3

Summary: A woman comes back from her trip from Asia but isn’t feeling the best. And is rushed to the hospital. Her symptoms are that of the flue, but worse than. The virus spreads throughout the hospital, Jack falls ill collapsing in the break room. Dean falls ill on a rescue, Cas having to rescue the original victim and his partner. The reader, having to sit by and wait and pray for her friends pull through. But turns out the original patient with the virus got better, now her body has the antibodies to fight the virus.

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean x Nurse!Reader

Word Count: 4,262

Warnings: Scary Situations, Language, Mild Angst, Fluff.

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Mobile Masterlist

a/n: I could use the corona virus or COVID-19 but decided to use the virus used in the Emergency! Episode of the same name. The virus being a strain of the Asian flu during a bad outbreak in the late 60’s. Also the drugs and measure mentioned are probably not accurate, I’m not a pharmacist.

a/n2: D.O.N = Director of Nursing, DOA = Dead on Arrival, BP = Blood Pressure, O2 Sat = Oxygen Saturation

~

“Dean,” Cas says, walking into the fire stations garage.

Dean was logging supplies in the squad truck when he heard Cas enter and got his attention.

“What’s up Cas?”

“When you started dating Y/N, when did you know she was the one?”

“What do you mean?”

“I really like Meg, and when she was taking care of me after that accident of mine I found that she and I have a lot in common and I want to know her more?”

“Well, Cas, it’s different for other people. Just ask Meg out. Talk to her, find out stuff about her that she likes, hates, and if you can find yourself still able to love her despite her flaws. Keep it going. Keep taking her out.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“Nothing in life is simple man.”

Cas nods in agreement.

The alarm sounded in the station.

“Squad 51, someone sick. Respond. 226 south Jasper’s Avenue, cross street South Walker boulevard.”

“Back at it again.” Cas says.

“Let’s hit it.”

Dean getting into his usual spot in the squad, revving the engine to life and heading to the location.

When they arrived, another station had arrived originally.

Dean and Cas gathered their tools and headed into the residence.

“Chuck, what do you got?” Cas asked.

“Kelly McMeyers, 22, her dad said she was fine at breakfast.”

They followed Fireman Chuck through the house to the girl’s bedroom to find her on her bed, sweating, pale and in obvious discomfort and pain.

Dean placed a hand on her head.

“She’s burning up, Cas, get the thermometer.”

Cas did as told handing the thermometer to Dean.

Dean placed in the girls mouth, under her tongue. Cas handing him the blood pressure cuff.

Dean began checking her Blood pressure.

“Get the radio, we need to tell the hospital.” Dean orders.

Cas, pulls out the radio of it’s holster on his belt.

“Rampart, this is rescue 51. Rampart this is rescue five one.” Cas radios in.

 It was a normal slow day at the hospital, y/n having finished her charting, getting reading for her lunch break.

“Rampart this is rescue 51,” she heard Cas’s voice over the radio.  “Rampart this is rescue Five one.”

She picks up the hand piece to the hospital’s radio to respond.

“Go ahead 51.”

“Rampart we have a female, Kelly McMeyers, 22 years of age.” Cas transmits.

 “BP is 129 over 80, O2 Saturation is…”

Dean places a hand over her chest, watching it rise and fall. Counting in his head. But scolding with the low number he came up with.

“Did you pack the pulse Oximeter?”

“I did.” Cas says, handing it to him.

“I got to double check before I give you the wrong number.”

Dean turned on the device, and placing it on her finger.

“Still reading low, O2 Sat, 85.” Dean says.

“O2 sat is 85. Temperature is coming up…”

Dean pulls out the thermometer.”

“105.” He reads.

“Temperature is 105.”

 y/n was shocked she had a temperature that high.

“51, standby, a doctor will be with you shortly.”

“10-4.”

 “I just don’t understand, she was fine at breakfast, it happened so suddenly.” The girl’s father expressed.

“Some of these things do happen rather quickly.”

“Could be the Asian Flu?” Chuck suggests. Playing with the girl’s pet monkey.

“Well, let’s not jump to any conclusions until a doctor can see her.” Cas says.

“Kelly, sweetheart, can you hear me?” Dean asks.

The girl nods groggily.

“She’s really drowsy.” Cas mentions.

“Kelly, are you in any pain at all?” Dean asks.

“My head hurts, my chest hurts too.” She whines.

“She threw up a bit before you got here Winchester.” Chuck mentions.

 “51, this is doctor Singer.”

“Rampart, we have new information, patient is experiencing head and chest pain, she’s drowsy and vomited a few times before we arrived.”

“Alright, start IV, lidocaine, two milligrams. And just in case what she has is contagious keep contact with the patient to an absolute minimum.”

“10-4 Rampart.” Cas says.

“I’ll get the IV going, if you want to get the ambulance here Chuck.”

“Already ahead of you, they should be here by now.”

Sirens are heard in the distance, as if on cue.

“How about that timing?” Cas says.

“Alright, she’s set, lets get her to the hospital.” Dean says.

Just as more paramedics came in, Dean grabbed the equipment as Cas walked out with the patient.

Chuck still petting the monkey.

“I love monkeys, bet he’d be a cute pet to have.” He says.

“Yeah, but they’re not meant to be pets Chuck.”

“Yeah, I know. But, cute little guy, isn’t he?”

The monkey sat on his pole that stood in the room. And the monkey started walking over to Dean, walking on his shoulder, messing with his hat.

“Hey, stop,” he told the monkey while trying to shake him off gently.

The monkey got back on his pole as Dean walked out to the squad.

 At the hospital, Y/N, Doctor Singer assisted in the patient, Kelly McMeyer, as Doctor Singer preformed a spinal tap.

Just as he pulled out the needle, gathering spinal fluid, Doctor Kline walks in.

“What’d you got Bobby?”

“Possible strain of the flu, her symptoms are consistent with that of the Asian flu, but the incubation period is too fast. Her symptoms came up quick, she was fine at breakfast.”

“Do we know where she’s been lately?”

“All over southeast Asia, Kelly and her friends were part of her church’s mission trip in assisting kids in orphanages, and adoption homes. Fixing them up, helping kids get adopted. And her dad took her camping when she got back. Took her to the Black Hills in South Dakota.” y/n explained.

“That opens us up to a whole array of fevers, and of course flus. China is always riddled with noval viruses we’ve never seen nor dealt with. And of course, there’s ones we’ve dealt with her, rocky mountain spotted fever, lymes disease, or even parasitic infections. Fungal infections that could have originated from her camping trip.” Jack explained.

“Did Kelly have any kind of protection on either trip?” Jack asked.

“Her dad made sure she packed, bug spray, tick spray, and they had nets around their camp to prevent nats and other flying insects from getting in the tents.” Y/N says.

“So, in which case, we’re back to, what did she catch when she was in China. Because chances of her getting anything on the camping trip are slim I’m guessing.”

“Her dad was pretty adamant that they were covered for their trip. He didn’t want anyone getting sick.”

Jack nods.

“Let’s get some blood work, see if we can’t find the answer in there.”

“You got it doctor.” y/n says, getting her hands sanitized, and ready to draw some blood.

 “Dean, your shift was done an hour ago, go home!” His father ordered.

“Just finishing up the logs for the day.”

“Cas can finish it up for you, he at least goes home in an hour. Now go.”

“Yes sir, you sure you got this man?” Dean asks.

“Dean, I got it. Go home and rest. See you in two days.”

Dean handed Cas the papers for logging their day, what all happened, their end result. He grabbed the keys to his Impala and drove on home.

He could tell he was exhausted. At a stop light he had to really will himself to stay awake just a few more miles.

But as he got to another stop light, he knew he was too tired to be driving.

Y/N’s apartment wasn’t far. He moved lanes before her street came up and Dean drove to her apartment. Giving her a call to make sure she was either up or home.

“Hey Handsome, how was your day?” she asked.

He could hear the background of the hospital.

“Exhausting. Are you still at work?”

“Yeah, another late one. Why? Are you in the area?” she asked. Sounding concerned.

“I’m really exhausted, and I don’t think I’m gonna make it home. I was thinking on crashing at your place.”

“You can stay there Dean; my key is by my hanging plant. I think your clothes from last time are still there.”

“Thanks baby, where would I be without you?”

“Dead in a ditch because you’ve run yourself ragged, now hurry to my place and get to bed. I’ll home when I can.”

“Love you sweetheart.” He says with a tired smile, pulling into her apartment complex.

“Love you more Winchester, sleep well.” She says.

He parked his car near where she parked. Walking up tiredly up to her apartment he found her key easily.

He headed inside, placing the key back but also locking up behind him as he got himself settled.

She had since gotten a new apartment since the plane crash; sure she was farther away from the hospital, but she was closer to him by several blocks.

He had gotten out of the shower, feeling a little bit better, but he climbed into his side in her bed. Pulling the covers over him, and falling fast asleep once his head hit the pillow.

She had hurried with her charting, her replacement nurse coming in late. But at least she showed up.

She hurried to her car to get on home.

She saw Dean’s car parked next to her spot on the street. She parked her car right behind his.

She quietly entered the apartment. Leaving the lights off she navigated to her room seeing his sleeping form in her bed. Sound asleep.

She made her shower quick and simple, washing off the stress of the day and relaxing enough so she could fall easily asleep.

She climbs into bed beside him. He tossed, turning towards her, wrapping his arms around her.

Poor dude was exhausted. But Dean was no fool, he loved being the little spoon. Maybe too much. But when it was her, he didn’t care too much.

 Days followed, and the original patient began to go downhill. Her fever wasn’t breaking.

Y/N had finished getting Kelly’s vitals, updated her chart. She headed back out to the nurses station when she saw an ambulance dropping off a new patient.

“What do we have?” she asked.

“Fireman, Chuck Shirley. Stricken with a fever, 104 temp, slightly elevated BP.” One of the paramedics informed.

“He was fine at lunch time.” His wife said behind the paramedics.

“Are you his wife?” Y/N asked.

“I am, my name’s Becky.”

“Okay, I’ll escort you to the waiting room. I’ll keep you informed of your husbands situation.” y/n told her.

Becky nodded, and she was lead to the waiting room. Y/N walked back into one of the exam rooms.

Hours passed as the doctors looked over Chuck, they learned one thing in common.

He responded to Kelly McMeyers.

“I want everyone who responded to get checked out. Clearly we are up against something contagious.” Jack orders.

“I’ll get right on it.” y/n says.

 As the day wore on, Y/N had called all the stations that responded, the ambulance and even called up her boyfriend personally.

“Afternoon beautiful.” Dean answers.

“Hey babe, you responded on the Kelly McMeyers right?”

“I did, me and Cas both, why?”

“Chuck Shirley is sick with the same symptoms as Kelly, and Dr. Kline has ordered you two to come in and get checked out.”

“Is it really that bad?”

“Dean, Chuck looked bad. Come in, please.” She practically whined.

“Okay, I will. Don’t worry sweetheart. I have to come down for supplies anyway, I’ll bring Cas along.”

“Thank you. See you soon.”

Just as Dean and Cas left the hospital after giving their blood samples to be checked for any virus or uprising in white blood cell count. Questions rose to how and where the original patient got sick.

“Whatever this Kelly chick has must be bad.” Dean says as he drove back to the station.

“Must be, if she didn’t get while camping then where?” Cas asks.

For a beat there was a pause.

“The same place where she got her pet monkey.” Cas says.

“You really think that monkey is the carrier?” Dean asks, unsure.

“Think about it Dean. It’s always animals in other countries that carry all these scary viruses. Swine flu came from pigs. Avian flu came from birds. The Asian flu came from, well, Asia but it was ducks. What if, this monkey one of those viruses and was somehow able to transmit it overseas?” Cas explained.

“You should really be a doctor something, damn Cas.” Dean says, impressed with the information Cas was able to share.

“Also think of the movie Outbreak.”

“Dude, that wasn’t even a real virus.”

“No, but it was a real situation that can really happen. It’s the worst case scenario. But it was a monkey carrying a mutated version of the virus.”

“I think you’re onto something Cas.” Dean says, digging around in his pockets.

“Here, call my girlfriend, tell her what you told me.”

“Okay.” Cas says.

 “Hello?”

“Y/N, it’s Cas, you got a minute?”

“How’s Dean?” she asked concerned right away.

“Oh, he’s fine, we were just talking about the victims. She brought home a pet monkey from China. And Chuck was playing with it.”

“That is actually something Cas, thanks. Is there anything else we need to know?”

“Not really, but just for the fact that this monkey might carry a virus that could kill Kelly and our friend.”

“And you’re spot on, on that. I’ll tell Jack and Bobby. Thanks Cas.”

 At the hospital, the two doctors were at the nurses station when Cas called. Their attention on her when she seemed surprised with the information he given her.

“Cas of squad 51 just told me Kelly brought home a pet monkey from China. And that Chuck played with it.”

“That’s something, Bobby, get someone to go with Kelly’s dad back to his house. Get the monkey and bring the little guy in.”

“You got it Jack.”

 Cas had handed Dean his phone back.

“You know, Cas,” he says.

Cas doesn’t say anything but has his attention.

“I kind of played with the monkey too.”

 The next following day, Kelly was slowly getting better. But Chuck was taking a turn for the worse. His fever wasn’t breaking.

Jack goes into Kelly’s room to talk to her about her monkey.

A nurse was already in the room taking care of her.

“Abaddon why aren’t you wearing your mask?”

“Oh, sorry Doctor its just—”

“No excuses, you’re taking an unnecessary risk. Not only would you be putting your life at risk, you’re putting everyone else’s lives at risk as well.”

With that she put her mask over her mouth and nose.

“Kelly,” Jack says.

She opened her eyes slowly giving the doctor his attention.

“We got your pet down in the lab. Now, was he ever sick when you had him?”

“Yes, just after I bought him. He had a bad cold, and threw up a bit too.”

“Well in order to help the fireman, and you as well, we may have to put him down so we can perform an autopsy.”

“No, you can’t!” she cried. “I don’t know what I’d do without Oreo!”

“Kelly, it’s the only chance we have at saving lives.”

The tears that built up in the girls eyes fell. Jack took his gloved finger by her cheek, brushing away the tears that fell.

“If you’re right about that,” she swallows thickly. “Then you can take Oreo.”

“Could help you too Kelly.” Abaddon says.

“I know.”

Jack gave a sad smile through his mask.

He doffed off his PPE by the door and left her room to give the go ahead.

 “Dean, we have a group of kids from Jefferson Elementary School to come in for a tour, can you help Gabe clean up the garage real quick.”

“Dad, I’m really exhausted, can you get Cas to do it?”

“It’s not like you to complain, come on now. He’s busy with the logs, come on it won’t take long.”

The alarm sounded.

“Never mind.” John says.

“Station 51, medical emergency. At the top of the Wells Fargo bank at 5535 Woodland Boulevard. Cross street Jackson Avenue.”

The men and women at station 51 jumped into action.

 At the location they climbed up the stairs after they reached the max floor the elevator would allow to go.

“What happened?” John asked one of the men working on the roof.

“Jimmy was over the edge cleaning the windows and he let out a yell, and I saw him collapse. I tried getting him on this thing but it’s jammed.”

“We’ll get him, we’ll hoist one of my paramedics down to get a line on him and we’ll bring him up.” John assured.

“I’ll go.” Dean says.

“Why don’t we just swing the lift through a window?” Cas asks.

“There wouldn’t be a safe way to do it. Just, get me down to him. Drop a line for him and he’ll be up here before you can say Bobs your uncle.” Dean says.

“Just be careful man.” Cas says.

“I will dude.”

Dean has the ropes around him, his harness, Gabe, Michael and Raphael anchored his rope as they helped lower him down.

“Okay, more slack!” Dean shouts as he got closer to the victim.

He got safely on to the lift and began to work the rope around the victim so they could lift him up.

But Dean’s vision began to spin. His hands came up to hold the support of the lift.

“Dean, you okay!?” Cas shouts from the ledge.

“Yeah!”

Dean hurries to get the rope around the victim and tries to work on tying the knot.

His dizziness got worse, and worse. Just as he was about to ask for help, Dean passes out.

His body falling off of the lift, and hangs by his harness off of the ledge.

“Try lifting him up a bit!” Cas ordered.

The three brothers tried pulling the rope slightly.

Cas could see Dean wasn’t getting any higher.

“No, stop, he’s tangled. I’m gonna have to head down there.” Cas says.

He heads over to Charlie who handed him some rope, getting the lopes around him, and working his harness on.

Cas hurries over the ledge.

Gabe, Michael, and Raphael tied Dean’s rope to hold him steady as they lowered Cas down to the lift.

“More slack!” Cas ordered as he got closer.  

Cas removed his work gloves to check the victims pulse.

“He’s in full cardiac arrest!” Cas shouts out, communicating.

Cas finishes what Dean had going. Connecting the loops around the victims arms and legs making a makeshift harness.

“Okay, lift him up!” Cas calls out.

The victim slowly rising as Gab, Michael and Raphael pulled the rope lifting the victim up.

“Dean, can you hear me man?” Cas asked, trying to lift Dean onto the lift.

He didn’t respond. He was out cold.

Cas furrowed his brow as he grew concerned for his friend.

“Okay, lift him up!” Cas ordered.

Cas seen the original victim made it over the ledge safely. And Dean began to slowly rise up to the top.

Once everyone was safely up, they got Cas up as well.

Cas helped with the cardiac victim while Charlie and the others assisted with Dean.

 Y/N sat at the nurses station charting her days work about ready to head home when an ambulance and squad approached the door.

She quickly typed up her report, saving it and sending it to her Director, she went to assist the paramedics.

Her heart dropped when she saw one of the patients being wheeled in.

“Dean.”

“Patient one was DOA, heart attack. Dean has a fever of 104.” Cas says.

“Okay, there’s an exam room open, lets get him in there. I’ll page Dr. Singer.”

“Where’s Jack?” Cas asked.

“He’s sick too. He was about to treat Kelly and Chuck when he collapsed. His fever is 103 and climbing.”

“How is Chuck?”

“Not doing well. Let’s focus on Dean please.” Y/N said, keeping the tears of fear at bay.

 Dean was all settled in a room later that night.

“Y/N.” Bobby says as he entered Dean’s room.

“Dr. Singer.”

“Your director doesn’t want you treating him. It’s against ethics.”

“I know. I’m off the clock.”

“Then what are you still doing here?”

“Oh, forgive me for staying by my boyfriend’s side.”

“Y/N, you’re D.O.N is on the other side of the this door. Relax.” He whispered.

“Bobby, I can’t think straight right now. I want to stay by his side, if that’s alright.”

“You can’t just stop everything because he’s sick. The CDC got back to us on the virus, you know this. It’s a strain of the Asian flu, a newer mutated strain. We have a drug we can use.”

She sighs, rubbing her face hard, trying to not get frustrated with herself.

“I know. I just want to know he’s going to be okay is all.”

“You love him. I know. But you have to still live life. Because that don’t stop. You got to keep going kid.”

She nods. “I’m guessing I can’t stay with him due to isolation protocol.”

“You got it. but once he’s better, you can.” She nods again.

“Please, keep me in the loop with him.”

“I’m sure Meg will. Cas was already on her case about him.”

She chuckles with a nod.

“Go home and rest. He’ll still be here tomorrow.”

She nods, leaving with a slump in her shoulders. Heading to her car. Driving quietly home.

It wasn’t until she got out of her shower, and laid in her empty bed did she let her walls come crumbling down.

A sob escaped from her, shaking her to her core.

“God, Dean. Please be okay.” She sobbed.

 The next day, she heads into work trying to focus on her patients.

She learned from one of the over night nurses that Chuck passed away.

Her anxiety already being high enough with her boyfriend being sick with the same virus, but the same virus that killed a fireman.

She headed up to Dean’s room where Meg walked out. Sweating after being in her PPE for some period of time.

“How is he?” she asks.

“Not good. His fever is not even breaking. He had the first 100 Milligrams of Idoxuridine.”

“Has it been two hours?”

“Close, it’s been about an hour and fifty minutes since last dose.”

“Give him another dose of it. Same for Jack if he’s not getting better.”

“Sure thing, I’m sure Bobby will understand.”

Y/N nodded as Meg went back inside to give Dean another dose of the drug.

Y/N headed back to the nurses station to chart her first half of the shift when her D.O.N approached the desk.

“Y/N, I was told you were by Dean’s room yet again. This time on the clock.”

“Sorry Jody, I just—”

“It’s okay, really. Bobby can be a hard ass sometimes, and I know I can be too. But my husband gets sick really easily. And I’d do the same thing you’re doing.” She says.

“Thank you…” she hesitates.

“I have your replacement coming in so you can see him and be with him. Once Donna gets here, go to him.”

“Thank you, thank you.” She says, as tears rise to the surface.

“It’s not a problem.” Jody smiles.

 Days pass as the doctors and nursing staff cared for Dean and Jack for the virus.

Y/N stayed day and night, her D.O.N giving her the week off on FMLA.

She had lost track of the days when she finally allowed herself to sleep.

Kelly was fully recovered and the doctors and nursing staff encouraged her to donate some blood so they can use her antibodies in her blood to donate to Dean and Jack so they have a fighting chance.

His fever finally broke, he was getting better. She could close her eyes and he’d still be there.

She woke that night to a hand on her head, playing with her hair.

She stirred awake to find Dean awake and well.

“Hey.” She says tiredly.

“Hey.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.” He answers. “Babe, did you stay here all day?”

“Dean, it’s been a week. You’ve been out for a week.”

“Damn…but still, you’ve been here all week?”

“Yes. You scared me.” She says. Taking his hand and placing it on her cheek.

His thumb brushing against her cheekbone. Catching a tear that fell.

“Well I’m sorry for scaring you. But you’re worrying me, did you take care of yourself while you were here?”

“Not really. Haven’t been hungry. I’m not sick or anything.”

“I know, you’ve told me that you’ll get this way. Either in a good way, like an innocent way of binging your favorite show and forgot to eat. Or in a bad way, like this.”

“Let me get Meg and tell her you’re awake.”

Just as she says that, Meg comes walking in.

“Jack’s awake…oh Dean’s awake too.” She says.

“Yeah, he is.” Y/N Says tiredly.

“I’ll get Dr. Singer so we can see when you can go home. And get Y/N to a bed, she hasn’t slept much since she stayed here.”

“Really, not eating or sleeping.”

“She was worked up. who could blame her?” Meg asked.

“True.”

Meg left the room to get Bobby.

Dean not saying a word, pulls Y/N’s arm guiding her in the bed with him.

She happily got in, curling into his side.

He felt a residual tremble shudder through her body.

“Shh, I’m here baby. I’m not going anywhere.” He says.

Not even a tiny virus would tear up this team.

~

A/N: Did you enjoy? How are you liking it so far? Favorites yet? Feedback is fuel and much appreciated. :3

~

Dean Girls:

@pandazombie69​, @luci-in-trenchcoats​, @supernatural-jackles​, @becs-bunker​, @winchesters-favorite-girl​, @jayankles​, @jeaniespiehs20​, @mlovesstories​, @akshi8278​, @flamencodiva​, @anotherspnfanfic​, @megzdoodle​, @lyarr24​

~

Copying and reposting someone else’s content is plagiarism and illegal. This work is property of supernaturallyobsessedchic. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. An electronic reference link to the original posted work may be provided for purposes of promotion or assistance of publication by the readers discretion, if proper credits are given to the author in the re-post. 3/23/2021

[ackb]

When I was young we lived in a two bedroom house half a block from my elementary school. A small brown house with a tiny green lawn and a one-car garage. There was a plum cherry tree by the fence on the far side of the little back yard and I could see it from the window of my bedroom. I can still feel the sensation of reaching up to pick a cherry and tugging down the whole branch, feathered with maroon leaves, only to let go and see it fly back up and right itself. 

When I was eight years old, my parents sold the house. We piled boxes in the car and drove across town, where Mom and I moved into the back bedroom of her sister’s family’s house. Having displaced my cousin into a room with his brother, we had little twin beds like the ones in old 50s sitcoms, though usually I’d fall asleep alone since Mom worked nights. A long three months passed, until Dad finally found work in Seattle and we packed up the car again to go north to join him.

For reasons I've never understood, those months, plus the few we lived in Seattle, formed a kind of swirling vortex into which all my childhood memories spin. If I'm telling a story about being a kid, it's practically a given that it's set in 1982.

Sometimes, during those first three months, when I was feeling homesick, I’d go out to the garage, where there was a stack of boxes from our house and I’d dig around until I found something from my room. A stuffed animal, sometimes, but usually a Star Wars action figure. My cousins had every Star Wars toy imaginable and we played with them all often. But I had my own little collection of figures too. My prized possessions. 

I didn't know then why my heart beat so fast whenever Princess Leia was onscreen. But wow. There's a moment when she's resting on her side, propped up on her right arm, and she moves her left to rest against the hill of her hip. Queer 80s kids—you know what I'm talking about. That moment replayed in my mind like a skipping record, wearing a groove into my eight-year-old heart. I felt a longing that I thought meant I wanted to be Leia. This unreadable childish lust vined and twisted around the real impossible longing: escape. I wanted so deeply to be rescued. So playtime was Star Wars and I was Leia. Always. 

We moved back from Seattle after just a couple of months. Everyone was angry that year. We lived with my aunt for just-one-more month—-like a warped, prescient Groundhog's Day--before finding a little apartment a few blocks over. Escape. But at some point along the escape route, a lot of what was in those boxes from the garage went missing. It was as if our lives that year were carried forward in a big leaky bucket, sloshing, dripping. My Star Wars toys were gone. A lot of things were gone. 

But I grew up anyway. Sixteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-Two, settled into my own rental house, swimming through busy days of school and work alongside a Beloved I cherished. Things that were gone followed me everywhere, and I worked and worked to stay hidden from them. I didn't know then that it wasn't about the Star Wars toys and so I became a collector. 

In those days I headed to work at 5pm in black pants and a white button-up, with a neon green plastic bowtie. I had been shoveling popcorn and selling tickets through a little hole in the bottom of a plexiglass cell for three years when Star Wars roared back into theaters and the job was suddenly fun. Everyone on staff was a big fan. We'd drive through Taco Bell on breaks to score kids meals with Star Wars toys. Figures rushed back into stores like they were making a Kessel run. Big chunks of paychecks fell off into the sea of salve for my broken hearted inner eight-year-old. I bought everything. I pinned action figure boxes to the walls of my office until I was surrounded by them. The bookshelves that had dominated the room found themselves clothed in the green, yellow, and black boxes of vehicles and accessories and stationery and lunchboxes. 

A photo of me survives from those days, clutching my newest purchase, eyes wild and joyous. I am absolutely surrounded by Star Wars Stuff (as I called it then and now) as if posing from a crowded museum gallery. I am thin in the photo, practically buried in the stuff, only half there at all. 

The next time we moved, it was my idea. We moved so that I could pursue a brand-new dream. Not so different than my dad, I think to myself now, though my failure took longer and cost more than his. I lovingly packed up my treasures. They slept. Then another move. And another. Then a cross-country move. Then a cross-town one. The treasures rested in their boxes in my office closet until it became the nursery closet, then, when the twins separated into two rooms, just my son's closet. Resting. I didn't need them anymore. They were memories, translucent. 

Something has tipped, gone over. I open the box. It's filled with another life, a crowded need I barely recognize. I take item after item out of the box and cannot help but laugh at myself. Who was this person? Oh, I remember now. The wounds. The narrow escape. The secrets. The missing persons. The crumbling foundation. The band-aids and the longing. I want to hug that small person. I want to lay her down in a nest of my daughter's blankets, pull up the cover to her small chin and turn on the machine that makes stars circle on the ceiling. I want to bring that young woman a cup of tea and sit with her at the kitchen table, gesture out the back window to the trees. Look. 

Once upon a time I thought I needed to replace things, to take control, to buy and to stuff myself up, to assuage the longing. Maybe I did. But I also needed to box it all up. To build a stronger structure around it, to allow a skin to form that can look like the real me, the whole me. 

And now, with the box open, packages all over the bed, one more stop. I post a photo to facebook. Anyone out there still love Star Wars? An acquaintance from high school messages me. I tell him what I have. One thing prompts three exclamation points in his response. "That's the one figure that was lost during our move!" He sends me a video of his sons opening the box. Joy. Tears. Repair. 

A circle closing.

[a-libra-writes]

Imagine Dating the GoT Characters in Modern Times

okay im still working on that confession request, but this sucker just got away from me lol. couldnt help meself. this is a bit more casual than the others

if i missed any of ya favs, send my ask box a mail pigeon and ill add em!

In this preference, you'll be dating: Ned Stark, Robb Stark, Sansa Stark, Jon Snow, Benjen Stark, Jory Cassel, Dolorous Edd, Tormund Giantsbane, Theon Greyjoy, Yara Greyjoy, Daenerys Targaryen, Jorah Mormont, Missandei, Grey Worm, Tywin Lannister, Tyrion Lannister, Jamie Lannister, Sandor Clegane, Bronn, Petyr Baelish, Stannis Baratheon, Davos Seaworth, Margaery Tyrell, Brynden Tully, Edmure Tully, Brienne of Tarth, Ramsay Bolton, Roose Bolton, Oberyn Martell, Beric Dondarrion

NED STARK

He always worries so much after you, like if you’re unusually late getting home or you don’t call him back for some time. He won’t bother you about it because knows he worries, and he’s always ready to give you a warm hug when you finally get home. He’s very considerate of how you like things in the home and will fix anything immediately - although, you’re convinced he’s going to drop the AC in a lake if it acts up one more time. He has a picture of your wedding day that he absolutely loves and keeps in a safe spot in his wallet. The same picture is in frame on his desk, along with pictures of the kids. It’s the only decorations he has on the desk.

ROBB STARK

He’s convinced Grey Wind is starting to like you more because you’re the one who gives the goodnight treats. His favorite memories are the times when you both were able to get away to the lake or beach for a few days; he has a picture of you both on his desk at work. If you get him something you’d think he’d like, such as a scarf, he’ll absolutely wear it until it falls apart. Before you two moved in together, he really enjoyed calling you in the evening to hear about your day. Before you started dating, he’d send you pics of Grey Wind because you had the cutest reactions to them - soooo many emojis.

SANSA STARK

She loooves trying new things and hobbies with you, even if it doesn’t always end up so hot. The baking fiasco of 2018 shall not be spoken of, the pictures have been erased, it didn’t happen. She likes doing your make-up if you’ll let her, and she loves it when you two clothes shop together, mostly so she can dress you up. Lady is the most spoiled princess in the Stark family; you and Sansa have an instagram for her, she has her own rhinestone collar and custom bowl, it’s a whole thing. Sansa likes to brush her in the evening while she listens to you about your day or you both catch up with your fav TV shows. You two are way too invested in some of them and sometimes you stay up too late angry tweeting about it.

JON SNOW

You two were mutual friends for a while before you started hanging out exclusively more and more and finally someone asked if you were dating... At that point, you basically were. He really likes going hiking in the woods with you and Ghost, and some of his favorite pictures of you are from these trips - obvs they’re his phone background, and he gets shy if someone looks over his shoulder and asks if you’re his girlfriend. You both have gotten Ghost a nice dog bed and couch but he still likes to sleep at the foot of the bed, then promptly wake you both up at 6am for a walk. Jon was nervous but excited to introduce you to his family; he enjoys holidays with them much more because of you. He loves it when you text him cute things about your day or say you miss him.

BENJEN STARK

He caught your attention when you two began casually dating and he absolutely lit up when he talked about his nieces and nephews, and he showed you lots of pictures. It was just so cute. He absolutely loves it when you wear his shirts, especially the morning after - he will pull you back into the bed. He’s a total night owl but is very considerate of being quiet when you’re asleep. If you end up falling asleep after trying to stay up with him, he’ll carefully carry you back to bed. He works evenings too, so when he comes home early in the morning, he’ll cook you breakfast before staggering to bed (obviously he wants a good morning/night kiss as you get up and get ready).

JORY CASSEL

He’s an absolute sweetheart who will adopt all the dogs and fill up the house with them if you don’t stop him. When he’s playing with them or holding them, you like to take sneaky pictures because it’s just so cute and set it as your phone background. He always has the sweetest compliments for you, regardless if you’re dressing up or you just got out of the shower. The easiest way to fluster him is throw your legs over his lap while you’re wearing shorts or a skirt and just casually snuggle up. One day one of your dogs got out and you two were so beside yourself with worry, calling all the shelters and making posters and just stressing out together. The pup showed up a few hours later covered in mud and you both ran to hug her at the same time.

EDD TOLLETT

You’d actually been hanging out with him for a while because of your mutual friends, mostly Jon. You two had such an obvious crush on each other but wouldn’t make a move, so he and Sam did the trick where they invited you both out, then made an excuse and left you two alone. He’s the master of sending a meme in response to a text you sent two hours ago. He won’t admit how much he really likes it when you wear his shirts, either to bed or out on a date. They’re almost exclusively black metal band shirts with really weird art. You both tend to go to a lot of outdoor music festivals; he always wants to hold your hand so he doesn’t lose you in a crowd.

TORMUND GIANTSBANE

His beard and hair are still wild, don’t you worry, and he’s endlessly amused when it tickles you when he kisses you. His clothes are kind of a mess so you always try to straighten them out or iron them, which he really appreciates. Whenever he sees something cool, he has to immediately take a picture and send it to you. Sometimes he’s too excited about something, he just calls you or comes over. He’d totally want to go to nature reserves, zoos and parks for dates; he loves being outdoors and thinks you look best when the sunlight is on you. He’ll take so many pics on these dates but he’s a pretty bad cameraman (he tries!). He’ll go for the tallest rollercoaster at an amusement park and immediately regret it once the drop starts; he’s secretly relieved if you don’t want to go on one. 

THEON GREYJOY

Let’s be honest, he’s kind of a fuckboy so you don’t date him too seriously. He’s the one who gets attached first and starts exclusively dating you. He really likes collecting guitars and would be stoked if you’d play or sing along with him. He prefers outdoor dates, but sports bars and music clubs are fun, too. No matter what, he’d be giving lots of PDA and wouldn’t take kindly to guys hitting on you. He always finds the most bizarre food or drink recipes online that he wants to try, usually resulting in your kitchen being a warzone afterward. Yara totally bullies him on his insta, no matter how much he blocks her. 

YARA GREYJOY

She’s the definition of the types of girls your parents really didn’t want you to bring home but Here We Are. She has the most badass boots that she wears with an eyeliner with a wing so sharp it could kill a man. She loves pulling you close and being touchy with you in bars and clubs, especially when men are bothering you. Her diet 80% microwave so you have to cook actual food for her and make sure she eats. Family gatherings or phone calls always bother her, so you have to help calm her down afterward, usually with lots of making out. She’d like you to go with her when she gets tattoos so she has someone to chat and laugh with, and she’d subtly suggest you’d look cute with a piercing. She’ll kill the bugs in the relationship as long as you give her a thank you kiss, no matter what you’re in the middle of.

DAENERYS TARGARYEN

She absolutely LOVES Christmastime and wants to decorate the whole house, send a Christmas card with you and her three bearded dragons and wear matching Christmas sweaters (she can be surprisingly stubborn about that). Cuddling on the sofa and watching movies usually ends her falling asleep on you, and if you try to move her she grumbles and hugs you closer. The background for her phone is you looking very worried, holding her three bearded dragons after she posed them on you. She’d much rather wear your hoodies and shirts than her own, sometimes only that if she’s lounging at home with you. She tries to plan a really nice date at least once a month, preferably you two going on a little weekend trip to a musical festival or a beach.

JORAH MORMONT

He texts he loves you at least twice throughout the day. When you go out on dates, he’s always worried if you need a jacket or if you’ve had enough to eat. Heel is digging into your ankle and giving you a blister? This guy has band-aids. When he gets home early, he likes to cook a quick dinner that’ll be ready when you’re home. Watching kdramas with Jorah is great because he gets so baffled and ask you if this is what kids watch nowadays, but then he gets surprisingly emotional over the big confessions and love triangles. Walking through a park or boardwalk at sunset while holding your hand is maximum serotonin for him.

MISSANDEI

Her absolute favorite part of the day is the chat you two have in the evening while you take off make-up, wash your faces and fix your hair before bed. Sometimes you talk about your day, sometimes you listen to music or have a show on. She really doesn’t like phones or laptops in bed because she just wants to cuddle or be intimate. You introduced her to theme parks, and now she absolutely loves them. Missandei will find the biggest coaster and pull you toward it, she also would like you to win her one of those stuffed animals at the shooting games. She’ll put them on a shelf in your room. Sometimes she reads a book that bothers her so much, she has to stop everything, march in the living room and tell you all about it.

GREY WORM

You asked him out by writing your number on his cup at the cafe you worked out. You never got a text or call, but he suddenly showed up a few days later, totally blushing and asking you out. It was kind of adorable. He really likes keeping the apartment tidy and totally loves your baking. You didn’t think he had a sweet tooth, and he's been trying out different recipes to share with you. He can be pretty shy around your friends, so you hang with him solo. He has surprisingly strong opinions on movies, so movie dates always spiral into film theory discussions. He's so baffled by social media but he follows and likes everything you because your posts and pics are cute.

TYWIN LANNISTER

You two met at your company’s expensive party, he interested you right away and you had fun flirting and trading verbal spars. You weren’t sure how he got your number, but he’d end up calling you up for dinners and dates and so on. That ended up turning into trips and long stays at his manor and basically you ended up living there. Tywin enjoys giving you all sorts of expensive gifts and clothes, which he of course doesn’t see as a big deal because you deserve it. Eventually you’d bother him about what you mean to him, and that’s when he’d just outright ask if you’d rather be married. Quite frankly, he doesn’t care about his children’s thoughts on the matter. He really prefers the dates and vacations that are more relaxing, especially when he gets to see you smile at something you haven’t seen. 

TYRION LANNISTER

You and Tyrion discuss books like some people discuss politics. Actually, you both tend to have a lot of long discussions, but you both are so opinionated on books. He actually writes quite a bit and dedicates a lot of it to you. His favorite thing to do is make you laugh in public while you’re drinking something; he knows it drives you nuts and it’s adorable how much you sputter and look for a napkin. He blames you for Jamie’s love of ironic emojis, and he likes to send you screenshots of Cersei’s weird facebook rants. When he’s stressing over a writing deadline, he adores it when you give him a massage and help him calm down.

JAMIE LANNISTER

He’d often tease you about using so many cutest emojis in your text messages, so he started ironically using them. You’re positive he just picks them at random but he figured out that eggplant and peach REAL quick. When you first started dating, he tried to impress you with expensive gifts and dates, but he vastly prefers the lowkey cuddles at your apartment. His head in your lap, your pet curled around his legs and him reading off ridiculous shit Cersei posts on facebook … That’s the ideal. He was a nervous wreck when you met Tywin, although he was trying to play it off and be cool. 

SANDOR CLEGANE

He’s such a grumpy bear that a lot of people wonder how the heck you two got together. You both like to hang out at music bars and clubs, and he’s always got a protective arm around you, and as the evening winds down he likes to nuzzle your hair and receive any kisses you give. He sleeps in really late and grumbles when you pull him out of bed to get his ass outside. He’ll always take care of the yard work and grills the best barbecue. He actually really likes when you ask him what he thinks about an outfit, even if he just says it’s fine, because he likes the way you twirl and show off your backside. There’s probably a football team he’s obsessed with and he WILL text you angrily about someone getting a red card or missing a goal. 

BRONN

When you asked for his number, you were shook that he still had a goddamn flip phone. Even after dating for forever, he still has that damn thing. Your favorite date spot is live music bars, even if he starts to get overly affectionate and pull you in his lap. He has leather jackets and sometimes wears black cowboy boots with them and it just … works? He also probably rides a motorcycle but makes sure you have the proper clothes and helmet and actually obeys traffic laws when you’re riding with him. He’ll still flip off drivers, though. He doesn’t go to the doctor, his sick ass shows up on your doorstep half-dead and you force cold medicine down his throat while scolding him. He just likes being looked after, not that he’ll ever admit it.

PETYR BAELISH

You’re kind of surprised he asked you out, he seemed like a very wealthy, prominent person and you were a little worried. But on all your dates he’s nothing but a gentleman and he wants to go places you enjoy to know you better. Even if you both go somewhere more lowkey like a cafe or an art museum, he just has to impress you by picking you up in a nice car. He’s much more genuine in evenings at your apartment when you cuddle with him, or when you send sweet texts that he has trouble responding to right away because they’re just so nice. He likes to follow your social media just to see what you’re up to, and he has a picture of you on his desk, probably one where you’re wearing something he got you.

STANNIS BARATHEON

He’s on top of anything that needs to be fixed or dealt with around the house, sometimes without you even noticing they were broken. He’s very grateful when you plan dates for fun or for anniversaries, because he has trouble with such things. He also totally melts when you bring him coffee in the morning with a kiss, or take his coat when he comes home. Holidays are an absolute mess; last year he was THIS close to throttling Renly with a string of holly. You like changing his phone background to saucy pictures of yourself, because he already sucks at phones and now he’s bright red and it’s taking him five minutes to figure out how to change it. You were pretty bummed when he finally figured out how to set up a phone lock, so now you just text the pictures while he’s at home. It takes a few seconds before you hear him sputter and drop his phone in the other room.

DAVOS SEAWORTH

Admittedly, Davos is a little insecure about the age difference between you two, but he’s always very comforted when you hold his hand and kiss him in public. He always has interesting places to take you, and somehow he seems to know at least one person there. He always has a new story about how he lost his fingers and now it’s just an inside joke between you two. You think its hilarious how worked up he gets about his sports teams, and he cracks up when you yell at competitive cooking shows. Sometimes he needs your help deciphering Stannis’ weird, cryptic texts. He’s very weak when you’re dressing up to go out, especially when you slip on pantyhose and heels.

MARGAERY TYRELL

You didn’t realize how big of an influencer she was until she innocently asked for a selfie of the two of you. You were on a beach date and you kissed her cheek while she made a cute pose. Much later she showed you the pic on her instagram and holy shit is that’s 20k likes what in the seven hells. If it’s a sunny day, she absolutely wants to go out to the beach or an outdoor mall or anything. She likes to show you pics of outfits, ask your opinion, and buy it as a surprise if you really love it. If you both got a pet together, she’d basically treat it like your kid. She loves taking you with her on her family’s expensive vacations, and she can’t stop holding your hand and grinning the whole time.

BRYNDEN TULLY

Brynden is also worried about the age gap between you two, and it often bothers him when people mistake him for your father while you two are out. He loves talking about you to his nieces and nephew. He held off on telling his brother out of spite, because he knew Hoster was going to bug him about proposing. His favorite thing to do with you is go boating on the family’s lake, especially when you’re laughing as you try to keep your hat on. His absolute favorite picture is a selfie you took while you were in his lap, you’re making a silly face while he’s kissing your cheek.

EDMURE TULLY

He loves doing the silliest, most domestic stuff with you. Doing laundry together while joking around, picking out furniture to match in the living room, even adopting a dog or a kitten who would end up spoiled rotten. He’d actually fall for you quickly while you were dating and already think of your wedding and a family, but he wouldn’t want to pressure you at all. He has the worst bedhead and you have to grab him before he runs out to work and try to tame it. You both have the most ridiculous in-jokes and when you watch dramas, you both get way too emotionally invested and try not to cry in front of each other.

BRIENNE OF TARTH

She’s very shy about taking selfies with you until you encourage her and insist she’s adorable. She takes good care of her health and works out a lot, and she’s definitely want you to join her for the latter. She’s great with motivating and praising you! She likes dates where you two just wander around outdoor malls or museums, you just walk and chat about all sorts of things. You’re absolutely her phone background and lock screen, and when her dad calls to check on her she ends up talking about you a lot. You both like to put on cooking shows while you fold laundry or clean and you end up getting so distracted.

RAMSAY BOLTON

You weren’t totally keen on introducing him to your parents, then they suddenly came over while he was hanging out with you and he was such a Perfect Gentleman™ you almost got whiplash. He’s the reason stray dogs always hang around your backyard and porch, he leaves food out for them. He always frowns when you cover up his hickeys with concealer. He’s not the least bit phased by horror or slasher movies, but puts them on TV anyway so you can cling to him and hide your face. He’s absolutely the sort to threaten any male friends he thinks are too close to you, then play innocent when you confront him. He likes date spots that are a little more secluded, so he can grab your body and give you a deep kiss anytime he’s wanting you.

ROOSE BOLTON

In the morning, he always has to kiss you when he wakes up and before he leaves for work, no exceptions. He’s very private so those he works with are surprised to learn he’s married, but once you two are together at some company party it’s obvious he dotes on you. His kinks are even more pronounced now and he loves buying you things he wants to see you wear. He’d like to have a family with you once you’re ready. He’d be super into you sending him sexy pictures during the day, but he won’t respond right away or pretend the picture didn’t load just to mess with you. 

OBERYN MARTELL

He looooves surprising you with thoughtful gifts, weekend trips or even just flowers sent to your work with a loveydovey note that has all your coworkers teasing you. He hangs around at your apartment so much, you wonder why he just doesn’t move in. He will absolutely love any flirty texts or sexy pictures you send him over the phone, and he’ll respond in kind. When your relationship started getting more serious, he introduced you to his family and daughters, and fell even more in love with you because you were so kind to everyone. He always wants to take you places because he thinks you’re the cutest when you’re amazed by new things.

BERIC DONDARRION

A mutual friend hooked you both up for a blind date, which bothered you a lot, but Beric was so nice, genuine and apologetic that you decided to go through with it anyway. You’re grateful you live in a cold climate because he looooves the fireplace and snuggling with you in front of it. He’s not the best at cooking and would appreciate you teaching him, also you look super cute in an apron so that’s a bonus. Expect a ton of different outdoors and camping trips from him, also he’s the worst about getting injured and insisting he’s fine, even when there’s blood all over the bathroom sink.

[2andahalfcatastrophes]

11, 12, 20, 23, 24, 28, 35, 38, 43, 62, 77, 78, 96 (I am a menace, I know <3)

you are NOT a menace ily <33 also sorry this is super late, i had to stop and make pasta lol

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

honestly this varies a ton bc sometimes i forget to eat breakfast, but mostly either some fruit or a toasted english muffin with butter :)

12. name of your favorite playlist?

oooo probably either my 80's playlist which is just called 80's or the giant playlist where i toss all my super high energy songs which is called bangers (i do not have very good playlist names hehe)

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

definitely my laptop! im super used to typing so it goes much faster and i hold pens and pencils incorrectly so writing by hand for too long hurts my lil fingeys :( i love the vibes of writing in a notebook tho!

23. strange habits?

when i was younger i watched spirited away (and most ghibli films) a LOT and there's a scene Chihiro taps the toes of her shoes against the ground after she puts them on. I started doing it too because i thought it was Funky and now i do it without thinking lmao

24. favorite crystal?

oh this question made me BIG think... im really partial to most colors of beryl though, they just have nice vibes :) also some opals are really pretty!

28. five songs to describe you?

i kinda went more for vibes than for subject matter bc thats how i experience music so these are kinda all over the place hehee

Vienna- Billy Joel

The Village In May- Joe Hisaishi

Super Trouper- ABBA

Make Me Feel- Janelle Monáe

Wild Young Hearts- Noisettes

35. average time you fall asleep?

I have an Old Person sleep schedule so usually i fall asleep around 10 or 10:30 because I am simply Quite Tuckered Out

38. lemonade or tea?

Lemonade, mostly bc i have very specific Tea Preferences and if im out eating somewhere i would feel bad asking for so many specific things lol

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Bomber jacket! One of my favorite coats is a massive leather bomber jacket that my dad gave me, its a vintage WWII reproduction and it is SO cozy in the winter

62. seven characters you relate to?

get ready for a THOROUGH tour of my extremely eclectic media tastes lmao

Annie Edison from Community (because i am also Insane about academic achievement)

Hermann Gottlieb from Pacific Rim for the Hectic energy

Hypnos Hadesgame. He sleeby. I am also sleeby.

Sophie from Howl's Moving Castle. I just really feel that one scene of her angrily cleaning the house and also we are both part of the needlecraft gang

Scarlett from Four Weddings and a Funeral just because of the clothes

Anne from Anne of Green Gables. i read that book as a child and i do not remember much but i do remember relating to anne Very Much

I could not think of another character so i asked my friend and she said Flora from Winx Club :)

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

it depends! If that window gets a bunch of light every day, you want something that thrives on a ton of direct light like jade, sargo palms (poisonous to pets!), herbs like sage or rosemary, air plants, snake plants, or many other leggy succulents. Also if you have pets who eat every leafy plant in the house like my absolute MENACE of a cat then succulents are probably better :)

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

definitely gas station coffee, mostly bc i do NOT trust grocery store sushi even a little

96. desktop background?

A screenshot of the main street of the spirit town from spirited away :)

[romeo-the-cactus]

Narrowly Avoiding Feline Scurvy

The world’s fucked (again), I’ve got a dissertation to write, so naturally I’m back on my bullshit.

Reader is away on an off-grid mission, and Natasha misses having her roommate around to hug cook for her. Suddenly cat.

There is a cat in Natasha’s apartment.

This is unusual as Natasha does not own a cat, and, as far as she knows, neither do you.

It’s also unusual because the cat appears to be waiting for her, sat up straight in the hallway and seems to be asking her and what sort of time do you call this?

The look on the sleek black cat’s face is so reminiscent of your face when she’s late coming back from a briefing, or a mission, or a night out with Clint, that she shrinks slightly before remembering she doesn’t answer to a cat, shakes her head at how used to having you around she’s become, and, frowning, walks past the cat to take her takeout to the kitchen.

You’ve been away on a top-secret, no-contact mission for just over a week, she’s doesn’t even know what it’s about, only that it required you and your shifting powers specifically. It’s your first since moving up to her floor of the tower - after complaining about walking all that way (into and out of the elevator) any time you wanted to bug her - and she’s already really missing your company. And your cooking. But mostly your company, someone waiting to ask her how her day was with a cup of tea and an overly thought-out playlist in the background.

And if she’s been wearing your hoodie all day, it’s because the laundry got mixed up, not because she went into your room and picked it up off the floor because she’s missed the way you wrap her right up in a hug until all she feels is warmth and all she smells is you.

It’s only once she’s dumped everything into one big bowl, your voice in her head calling her an absolute heathen, and brought it to the sofa with her to eat while watching the kind of trashy she pretends to hate whenever you’re around, that she realises the cat is now sat on the sofa looking as judgmental as a cat possibly can, and when the Love Island intro starts she could’ve sworn it raised an eyebrow – do cats even have eyebrows?

Where the cat came from and how it got into one of the most secure buildings in the world seems like a question for tomorrow, so she turns up the volume and digs into her sweet and sour egg fried Singapore satay crispy fried chicken duck noodle rice on skewers rolls.

She wakes up halfway through Ice Road Truckers to find the cat fighting with the bowl, every time a paw comes out to try and get at the scraps, the bowl spins away from it. Rubbing at her eyes, Natasha takes pity on it, picking out a soggy prawn cracker and holding it out to the cat, who looks almost embarrassed as it nibbles at it.

She looks at the tv as she scritches between the soft ears.

4:37 am.

Time to properly go to sleep.

After a moment’s deliberation, she lies back down, emptying the remaining prawn crackers onto the floor. Her room is all the way over there and this time you’re not there to nag her to go to bed for the sake of her joints, so what’s to stop her.

10 minutes later, just as she’s dozing off, there’s a tickly nudging at her foot. She nudges it right back.

Then the meowing starts.

Natasha stubbornly covers her head. She will not be bossed around by the world’s most judgmental stray.

Then there is a weight on the cushion and a single claw digging into the hand gripping it tightly over her ears. That’s just not fair. Natasha growls and tries to tug herself free, but the demonic fluffball just starts moving around on the cushion, meowing throughout. That’s it.

She shoots up, swinging her legs out.

‘Fine! Fine, I’m going, I’m going, shut up!’ she whines, with all the dignity she can muster while wearing her roommate’s clothes, one foot in dinner debris, and a cat sending her to bed.

‘I’m going, Liho’ she hisses, remembering the stories that had always creeped her out as a child. Now it seems appropriate for the misfortune of this cat turning up when she just wants some time alone. Or time with you. Either way, she’s not getting that, and while your absence may not technically be the cat’s fault, she’s looking for someone to direct her grumpiness at and the cat will do for now.

The cat follows her right to her bedroom door, making sure she does as she promised.

Maybe the cat has her best interests at heart. That is a ridiculous thought and she really needs to get some sleep.

Liho stops outside her door, looking up at Natasha as if in question. Natasha scowls at them.

Then she thinks about how cold her bed is. Thinks about how much she misses you barging into her life and filling it with hugs and homecooked meals and warmth.

She looks down at the fluffy cat, sighs, and pushes the door wide open again, shrugging towards the bed. She quickly falls asleep with fluff wrapped around her neck and the thought in her head that she’d expected a stray cat to smell much worse and much less comforting.

Aside from the minor hurdles of waking up with a cat’s ass in her face and Liho remaining unforthcoming about how exactly she’s ended up in Natasha’s life, the two of them settle pretty smoothly into a routine over the next few days.

Natasha gets up early to train, leaving Liho the remains of her breakfast to eat (soggy cereal, generally, but judging by the milk moustache the cat has when Natasha returns every morning she (Natasha is now around 80% sure Liho is a she) doesn’t mind), gets back, pretends not to like the cat for a bit, then feeds her some sandwich and definitely doesn’t give her little kisses while she reads or works or watches more trash tv. Sometimes Liho follows her around the tower, and a surprising number of people either don’t notice or don’t care that the Black Widow seems to have become a Cat Mom.

In the evenings she spoons some of whatever dinner she’s cobbled together from takeout, other avengers’ leftovers, and her limited (to sandwiches) culinary know-how onto a small plastic plate which sits next to her own for Liho to nibble at while she eats. After a couple repeats of the first nights battle to get Natasha to her own bed, she accepts the state of affairs and lets Liho lead her to bed at a semi-reasonable time, where she falls asleep with the little black cat asleep on her chest.

A few days later when Steve and Bucky ask about the cat perched on her shoulder, Natasha’s explanation is mostly made up of (careful) shrugging, and some quiet smugness when she notices Bucky’s quiet chuckle at the name Liho.

The little smirk gets wiped off her face when Steve so casually says ‘Oh, I just figured she was back from her mission’.

That makes Natasha stop for a minute and thinks about the numerous times Liho has taken care of her, nagged her, and made her smile the past few days, and looks up to where the cat has stopped nudging at Bucky’s stubble and is now looking straight at her.

Steve presumably takes Natasha’s sudden silence as concern for your wellbeing, reaching out and grabbing her shoulder.

‘I’m sure we’ll hear from her soon, Nat, don’t worry,’ he says, giving her a pat.

She blinks up at him, plasters on a smile, then takes “Liho” and heads back up to your apartment.

She sits the two of you down on the sofa and, scratching between your fluffy ears, tries to get some answers.

‘So, the mission finished?’

You walk around indecisively, which Natasha takes to mean it’s complicated.

She sighs, her lips pursed.

‘I take it you’re stuck like this.’

You swing your head up towards her, a duh plain as anything on your little feline face.

‘Don’t look at me like that! You’ve not exactly been helpful yourself! You couldn’t even have tried to tell me?’

At that the cat in front of her looks down, stretches out and rests her head between her paws, adorably sheepish, Natasha thinks, stay on task, but you suddenly look downtrodden, look ashamed. Being stuck as a cat, unable to communicate, reliant on Natasha (who hasn’t exactly been the perfect pet parent), and with the guilty, frustrated feelings she knows you get whenever a mission doesn’t go to plan.

She’s never seen a cat look so close to tears.

Instinctively, she reaches out to stroke between your ears, and then instead picks you up and holds you to her chest, smoothing your fur and planting little kisses on your head, a stream of quiet apologies flowing from her mouth as you purr against her. That night the two of you are both too exhausted to make it to Natasha’s room, falling asleep curled up to each other on the sofa.

Sunlight streams into the living room. It’s warm. It’s really warm. Natasha is absolutely boiling, and with her eyes still closed tries to roll out of the hot spot, at which point she tumbles to the floor, becoming immediately aware of another body tangled up with hers.

She opens her eyes.

She immediately closes them again, one hand covering them tightly as she starts to wildly gesticulate with the over at the very sleepy, very human, very naked you in front of her.

As she spouts rapid-fire, incredulous ‘WHAT?’s in English, Russian, and about six other languages, you wipe the sleep from your eyes and blink up at the apparently freaking out spy sat across from you.

‘Mornin’ Tasha.’

She stops, lowers her hand, and looks you in the eyes with a look on her face you can’t help but reach across and pull her into your arms, ignoring the fact you’re currently naked as the day you were born.

‘Tasha, everything’s okay, it was just a weird week,’ you reassure her, feeling definite tears on your shoulder.

Eventually she seems to calm down slightly, and pulls back, avoiding looking at you as she shyly admits ‘I really missed you this past week,’ and part of you just shatters at the sight of this absolute badass, ridiculously capable woman who you’ve looked up to for years looking so lost at the thought of a life without you in it. You want to smother her in love and hugs and kisses and warm home-cooked meals and soft blankets and be there every day to ask how she is and prove that you’re not going anywhere as long as she still wants you there.

But Natasha hates wallowing in emotion.

So instead, you whisper ‘I miss you too’ conspiratorially in her ear, give her a quick kiss on the cheek, wink, and as you walk towards the kitchen with a shake of your ass just subtle enough for plausible deniability, call out over your shoulder ‘loved all the kisses but your cat caring definitely needs work, I’m amazed I didn’t get feline scurvy!’

Natasha Romanoff, ex-assassin, The Black Widow, sits back on her haunches, blinking, mouth slightly open, hit with the realisation that she is absolutely smitten with this dork.

‘The hell did you do with the salad I made?’ she hears from the kitchen.

A smile spreads across her face. Smitten might be fun.

[faerune]

💘 + leon and cassie 🔫 now

also asked by @ottobooty!

where they first met and how hot local racoon city survivors in YOUR area want to fuck! no for real, cassie had holed up in a diner with a group of other survivors and prior to leon getting to the police station he helps cassie fix/find parts to load up an old delivery truck in the back alley to get them all to safety. when leon leaves cassie promises to come back and make sure he + claire have a ride out of town and she does appear in that last shot in her shitty little happy dairy truck like hey you guys look like you need a ride.

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved cassie has always been kinda of a flirt just offhandedly and i feel like leon is kinda of the same way just he’s cheesy and awkward about it when he’s a little younger. they flirt during the couple months they’re all trying to get their bearings after racoon city and then don’t really stay in touch much until the gov drags them both in separately. 

after that more flirting, some undercover missions and zombies and leon finally asks her to dinner. cassie teases ‘don’t expect me to put out on the first date just because you saved my ass today’ pft.

who fell for who first cassie will never ever admit it but it was her. like hard. she fell for leon like she was carrying a drink carrier full of hot coffee across a busy intersection in new york, tripped off the curb in front of hundreds of people and slammed her knee into the pavement.

where their first date was and what it was like dinner and a movie! cassie loves film but also is not a snob and adores laughably bad movies so they went and saw a goofy ass B action movie and then went to a late dinner at a diner that they always eat at after work.

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? ) leon just pretty simply says let me take you to dinner and cassie teases ‘oh are you asking me on a date kennedy?’ and he just shrugs and goes ‘yeah. i am’ cassie admittedly gets like flustered for half a second and she’s like. okay cool fine.

who proposes first cassie. she’s been so weird and avoidant about getting married so leon has always let her bring it up. when they get back together a few months later they’re laying in bed together and cassie is like can you propose to me now? and leon is like well do you wanna be surprised or do you want the ring now? and cassie just smiles and plops her head on his chest and is like ‘surprise is okay’.

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away due to their jobs and them being afraid of having each other just be another thing people hold over their heads to keep them working there, they keep it really quiet at the beginning. everyone on their team kinda knows but they aren’t announcing it everywhere.

where the proposal happens and how ( kiss cam at a baseball game? on a hillside surrounded by ducks? at a disney park? ) leon takes her out to dinner and then they take a walk in the park! they sit on a little bench all lit up by the winter christmas lights and he gets down on one knee :’)

if they adopt any pets together absolutely! i just have not figured out what kind yet! probably a cat because cassie has cat person energy.

who’s more dominant it kinda flip flops. cassie is more dominant in terms of talking to people, making decisions but in terms of progressing the relationship that’s definitely leon. in terms of some more ahem other times cassie’s a brat and leon just wants to give her whatever she wants.

where their first kiss was and what it was like they’ve kissed on undercover missions before but i’m not sure if it really “counts”. their first kiss as just leon and cassie was when leon dropped her off at her place after their date and cassie pulled him down for a kiss. after they finished leon was smiling all dopey and still kind of leaning down to her and she just smirked at him and wished him a good night.

if they have any matching couples stuff ( mugs? sweaters? pillowcases? ) sdgjksdg i can see them at the most having like a set of cute matching mugs but that’s about it. cassie would die before wearing matching sweaters with him no matter how much she loves him.

how into pda they are they hand hold/give each other pecks/leon throws his arm around her shoulders while they walk but they’re not too obnoxious about it! cassie likes it but if he tries to do anything else she gets flustered. admittedly, leon kinda loves when she does so he’s always whispering sweet stuff in her ears while she tries to elbow him in the stomach sdklgsdg.

who holds the umbrella when it rains leon!! he’s taller so it just makes sense.

where their usual ‘date spot’ is the diner where they just always got dinner cause it was near the facility where they worked together for so long! they both have never been to DC so they just went to the nearest place after their first day and they were like so this is OUR diner.

who’s more protective leon. cassie is very annoyed by it pft. especially when she pops up during the civil war. ya know. in the middle of an actual warzone with possible biological weapons. cassie: :) im here to cause problems on purpose. leon: why in the FUCK is my ex here armed with a thousand dollar camera and a tiny pistol.

how long it is before they sleep together they almost sleep together the day before their second date, making out on leon’s desk but they get interrupted and they’re like okay we gotta chill. leon arrives to pick her up for their date and cassie yanks him into her bedroom. needless to say they miss their movie.

if they argue about anything they bicker playfully but also cassie accuses leon of not treating her like an adult who can make her own decisions because he’s so fucking overprotective. leon accuses cassie of being careless with her life. they have i guess..not arguments but debates over morals?

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. ) leon leaves hickeys like he’s a teenager but he’s usually good about keeping them in places that can’t be seen. cassie wears red lipstick a lot so leon has to pay extra attention if they sneak away at work to make sure he doesn’t have it smeared all over his lips. she likes to kiss his cheek and leave a big mark too.

who steals whose clothes and how often cassie: not your hoodies babe, our hoodies.

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? ) they are spooners through and through. cassie needs to be held and leon is happy to do it. 

what their favourite nonsexual activity is watching movies together! leon is happy that cassie wants to share all her favorites with him and they have movie nights.

how long they stay mad at each other leon normally just needs a second to cool down normally but cassie holds a grudge for a day or maybe two then she’s ready to talk. but uh...in terms of big betrayals leon gives off the im not angry im disappointed and betrayed and you hurt me energy loud and clear and takes a long time to forgive and settle. it’s the worst cassie has ever felt.

what their usual coffee / tea orders are cassie gets a tall black coffee (iced or hot depending on the season) and leon likes lattes with whipped cream and carmel.

if they ever have any children together yes absolutely! i haven’t decided on names or anything yet but they definitely have two little boys just because that tweet that’s about that dad and two lil boys getting out of the car and the dad goes “who can go hug mom the fastest?!” is THEM.

if they have any special pet names for each other pretty normal ones! baby, babe are the most common. cassie likes to say honey and dear sarcastically because she thinks those make her sound like she’s a 50s housewife but secretly kinda likes calling him honey.

if they ever split up and / or get back together hah UH yeah. cassie leaks information about completed STRATCOM ops and leon eventually finds out and they have a huge fight. leon leaves the next morning and they end their relationship. he doesn’t turn her in because he still loves her and knows she did it with goodness in her heart but he’s just so conflicted. he just basically says turn in your resignation and leaves. they do eventually get back together! they break up early 2004, see each other in 2006 when cassie reaches out to him for his contacts to help her father who gets sick and then in 2011 they’re present in the civil war in the east and they get together after reconnecting through that.

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like they meet each other’s parents for the first time! they invite them over for dinner along with cassie’s sisters and nieces and nephews. it’s VERY chaotic but it goes really well. leon’s mom loves cassie. uhh cassie’s dad scares the shit out of leon just because he’s a Jokester and lives for freaking leon out because he’s so obviously very nervous lmao.

what their names are in each other’s phones leon’s phone has cassie as “cassidy 🖤”. cassie has him in her phone just as “baby”. bonus she has his name in her phone the few days after they decide to have a kid as “sperm donor”. leon goes “cassie” in his disappointed voice and she rolls her eyes and finally changes it.

if they have any ‘couple traditions’ ( buying a new mug for their collection every year? baking every friday evening? ) at the moment just their friday movie nights and whenever they go out of country on a mission they buy a magnet for their fridge!

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first leon usually falls asleep first and wakes up first. cassie usually stays up late on her laptop researching and writing.

who’s the big spoon / little spoon leon is big spoon 80% of the time but he likes to be jetpacked too!

who hogs the bathroom leon after he gets back from a really gross ass mission takes hours but cassie usually hogs it day to day.

who kills the spiders / takes them outside cassie flips out and leon gets a cup and a piece of paper, puts the little guy outside. there have been multiple occasions where it sounded like cassie was in legit danger and leon came skidding into the bathroom only to find cassie standing on the toilet.

[rainey-staerie-daize]

A multi-day journal entry because it’s been a few: 03.10.21

Went for a nice walk around the neighborhood on Saturday because I felt like being outside and not at home. Found out where exactly Xan’s school is and how to get to it because I may or may not have to drop him off if Mom is scheduled extra days this month. Passed lots of houses and found out how all the nearby streets connect. Would've taken artsy pics except I forgot to take a phone with me. Met two or three tiny dogs and two big dogs at two different houses, and they all barked at me as I said hello. Oh, and one guy in a truck with tons of oranges in the back asked me if I wanted to buy some, but I declined. COVID-19, no money on me, and I don’t really like oranges all that much anyway because of the texture. Also passed by a house that was for sale with a kitchen sink that faces the front yard. There was a faucet zip-tied in its box in one side of it, and it’s the same faucet we have: Glacier Something, that detaches as a sprayer.

Getting to Xan’s school was kinda rocky for me because I was wearing my bad, thin-soled flats and I didn’t realize that there was a paved path on the other side of the wash until I got to the end at the school. Partway, I went to take off the mask because nobody was around and I needed all my depth perception, but one side broke as I did, so I spent a few minutes awkwardly standing at the end of the path as I retied my mask. Also tied my flannel shut because it’s too small to button, and it looked just a little odd with my AMBITION shirt and leggings.

Being at the school was kinda nostalgic, even though I never attended that specific one. Enough things were the same though: sun-faded signs, bike cage, playground equipment, fenced in area for the kindergarteners, portables in the back, a huge yellow field, clinking chains on the tetherball poles, and the silence of nobody else there but me.

Except, I wasn’t waiting for a parent to pick me up for once. I was there on my own free will. Other things that didn’t match my childhood include the entrance to the playground being nicely framed by four or so trees, a nice round gathering area painted like the sun around the flag pole, “welcome back” spelled out in blue Solo cups shoved into the bike cage fence, and one of the “no parking” signs by the drop-off area being scribbled out so it said “park here.” It was nice, and I yearn to be ten or younger again.

Partway through my little campus tour, it got a little windy, and I briefly thought about going home, but I ultimately decided to keep walking the same direction and circle my way back home. There’s a big dirt lot right next to the field fenced off, and then I could see the intersection that I’ve walked to the other way around before, so I headed over that way. Came across a shopping center with a bunch of stores, and looked at each one as I passed them. Was able to see inside of a dry cleaner place and look at the machines inside, but after the guy at the counter acknowledged my presence like I was a potential customer, I told him I had never seen inside one before and was just taking a walk, and kinda just... quickly walked away. The shopping center also had a Walmart Neighborhood Market, and I spotted a wild dark-haired Karen with no mask, that I felt was way to close to me. Probably three or four feet away, I don’t know. My depth perception sucks.

Rounding about the other end of the shopping center after looking at Panda Express, Denny’s, and a pizza place, I heard a familiar couple of notes come from one of the vehicles in the parking lot. The beginning notes of She’s a Beauty by The Tubes, which I almost never hear play on the radio or anything because it’s from the early 80s. Despite not being born until 2000, I know a few of their songs because my uncle is the bass player and I’ve been to a few of their concerts when I was younger.

So I started singing a bit as I was walking, and as it started getting more faint, I stopped walking, turned around, and cupped my right ear with my hand to keep listening. Pretty sure one guy looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care. After it ended, or at least, I think it did, I continued on my way, the same route I use when I’m returning home from that street’s bus stop.

When I got home, Mom was out cold on her bed after the facial she did earlier. Skye later told me she never even noticed I left because she went straight to bed for an afternoon nap when she was done, never leaving her room.

I finally reset my sleep schedule enough to wake up at 4 AM on Sunday, which is good enough for me because I used to wake up then in high school anyway. I spent a while just waking up on the toilet, and then decided to do some light cleaning and picking up around the house to surprise Mom when she woke up. She never notices, but I didn’t care about that then.

After tidying up Kare’s hair accessories on the counter and finding her toothbrush still with toothpaste on it from the night before, I decided to rinse out her unicorn wash cloth sitting on the counter, and maybe clean up the toothpaste on the counter with it, but then Mom woke up from the couch. I got scared that she’d be mad I was doing stuff in her bathroom, so I snuck out to the other one. Was a little bored waiting for her to be busy with something so I could finish her counter, so I wiped down the counter of the bathroom I was in.

She tried to come in to get laundry, which startled me because I was right next to the door, and immediately spotted the unicorn cloth. She went off on me for using “something that she uses on her FACE” on the counters of all things. Briefly mentioned wiping the toilet, as if she thought that’s what I did before I walked in.

I didn’t even try explaining myself. Just stood there and let her yell. I know I got a little carried away with cleaning stuff, but like, it was soapy. It’s like Mom complaining that I used the dish sponge with antibacterial dish detergent on Roxie’s food bowls. It doesn’t make sense, but I was too tired and down on myself to care about her seeing my side.

During the visit, Skye and I stayed home and talked in our room, and I looked up that house I saw for sale. Not that nice, and currently off the market, but I found two others that I absolutely love. Kinda wish I’d had a job this entire time. Then maybe I could have enough money to put down a down payment and get one of them. Oh well.

Mom came home while the littles were still at the visit, and Skye and I both pretended to be asleep so we didn’t have to interact with her. Some of her behavior has seemed kinda... sus. I ended up falling asleep for real though, on the carpet, woke up briefly a few times, and finally got up at 1 AM.

Mom was still up, and told me how one of my old friends was trying to contact me but couldn’t because my phone was off, so I turned it back on and we talked for a while. I gave her my Google number in case my actual phone wasn’t working, and wished her a happy birthday, but she fell asleep before she saw the birthday message. Don’t remember much else of the day, except I turned in a Japanese quiz early and cleaned Roxie and her crate. Like always, cleaning took a while because I am very thorough, and because she pooped in the crate when I was washing her bowls. I had to rewash her and the crate floor, which, after last time, I now know slides TF out.

Ended it all with a hot bath for myself, which I fell asleep in. Woke up cold because half the water drained out through the faulty plug, so I ran it again, and fell asleep again. Woke up cold again, refilled it, and finally washed myself. Got out and was relieved to find Roxie and her “room” still clean, and I finished it off with her blankets and one of her beds from the dryer. I tried a new thing with the blanket where I tie one end (two corners) to the crate ceiling to almost make a tent, and she seems to like it.

Not counting the bath naps, I stayed up for over 24 hours, but didn’t realize why I was so damn tired until late Tuesday morning. Ended up falling asleep for a couple hours that afternoon, woke up for a while, and then went back to sleep at a decent time time at night, but I was woken up around 2:30 AM by Mom looking for her keys. She was panicking because March has blackout days and she’s already near her point limit, so being late could literally get her fired. She kept asking where I put them, since her purse and dealer apron were moved off of the crate by me to clean it, but I told her I hadn’t even seen them. I don’t think she believed me, because she still sounded like she was blaming me for not being able to find them.

Not my fault that you said “stop putting things on the dog crate,” and then you kept putting your own stuff on top of the dog crate, and then wanted me to clean it. Where the Hell was I supposed to put her stuff while I was cleaning it?

Skye eventually found her keys in the unlocked car, and she finally left, but was back by 4 AM because she signed the EO list. She tried to prank us when she came in by telling us she was fired, but I didn’t buy it because she wasn’t crying. Trust me, she’d be bawling her eyes out if that had actually happened.

Bringing us to Wednesday, I was a tired mess who’d done Duolingo all morning when I showed us to my Japanese lecture. I only remembered to do it because I heard Mom doing it. She’s apparently gonna learn Spanish.

I still have a few things to make up for that class, but at least I’ve finally organized my worksheets into homework packets. I’ve gone this long before remembering we own a stapler.

[sevngmin]

dreams of dreams

synopsis: what happens when two broke college students live together, out of their own will?

a/n: a spinoff from @changbeanie ‘s hyunjin au, do give it a read<3 also, this took quite a while as i had school too,,, rip

genre: fluff, lowkey enemies-to-lovers!au but not rlly, college!au based off The Last Summer on Netflix

listen to: Bloom-Troye Sivan

member: jisung

word count: 3,554

[0830]

College.

You were prepared for the monotonous lecturers, back-to-back assignment deadlines and dreaded 9am classes. Even better, your best friend introduced you(or rather, helped you to find) an apartment right beside hers and a cute roommate. Everything seemed so well planned out. You were a broke media and communications major, and you basically blew almost all of your life savings on the latest MacBook Pro your school made you buy before you started the school term.

Luckily, your parents offered to pay your school fees and rent, on top of giving you a weekly allowance. You couldn’t ask for more, in fact, you had more than what you asked for. You were grateful, to say the least.

However, you wished you had more patience for untidy people, especially your roommate, Han Jisung.

You didn’t expect much from Jisung, in fact, you did not even expect anything from a friend of a friend. You thought he was just a shy, cute, introverted music production major that would at least, have the courtesy to clean up his dirty clothes strewn on the floor for whatever reason.

You weren’t that much of a clean freak, to be honest. You yourself wasn’t the cleanest of people but you’d at least clean up once every 2 days or so.

Jisung... not really.

You have lived with him for about 2 months or so and became good friends with him. You would be damned, Jisung was almost the embodiment of boyfriend, kind eyes, soft, plump lips, not very tall but still tall enough to tower over you, a good sense of humour, good at his major, probably enough life savings to last him till the workforce, and more traits you couldn’t think of because he was that perfect.

Almost, you would stress. Because of his untidiness, which was the cause of 80% of the accidents you encountered ever since you moved into the apartment with him. You have screeched at the boy countless times for his untidiness, which, your friend had warned you about but didn’t take into consideration as you had more than what you can ask for.

You really didn’t expect Jisung to be that messy.

“Han Jisung!” You screamed at the top of your lungs, as you picked up the what seemed like the 5th article of clothing that wasn’t yours.

“Ah, so there it was!” Jisung’s face lightened up as he saw the t-shirt you were holding, only to be disappointed when you tossed it into the laundry basket before he could even reach for it.

“You have no idea,” You seethed, “How many times I nearly fell to my death because of your clothes, Han Jisung.”

“I told you I’ll clean it up!” Jisung argued, now picking up his own clothes, “It wasn’t that long anyway.” 

You sighed in exasperation, pinching your nose bridge, “Yeah, a week wasn’t that long for me to fall on my butt countless times.”

“Then why are you wearing my clothes?” Jisung retorted, pointing at the dark purple hoodie that was indeed, way too oversized for your petite figure.

Your face reddens, then you cleared your throat, “I might have stolen it but-- that’s not the point! You should clean up like, once every two days or something.”

“I’m busy!”

“So am I!”

“I’ll treat you to fried dumplings later.” Jisung proposed, which made your eyes light up with excitement.

“At the one near our school?” You nearly drooled at the thought of your favourite fried dumplings, blinking your eyes.

“Yes, now eat your breakfast, we’re almost late.” Jisung pushed you to the breakfast table which had two bowls of cereal, ready to eat.

You could never get angry at Jisung for long, especially when he knew the way to forgiveness was through your stomach.

[1630]

you: hey

messy brat: what’s up

messy brat: i swear if you ditch on us again im not buying you food anymore

you: yeah but this time i really have a project to complete,,, like actually

messy brat: what project is it

you: come over to the video editing studio then

messy brat: aight

“Thanks for helping me out,” you thanked  Hyunjin as you took off your headphones, hanging them on the video camera, “media and communications isn’t that fun after all, huh.”

“You learn a little bit of everything so I guess that would be helpful in the future,” Hyunjin smoothened out his shirt, slouching into the seat, “I guess that’s a more stable future than dancing.”

Just then, the heavy door of the video editing room opened, revealing a lethargic Jisung, auburn hair messily covered with a bucket hat, airpods snugly stuck into his ears. Today was one of the days he decided to dress up, with a white button up short sleeved shirt and black bermudas. You have seen this many times; in the apartment where he would lazily throw off his shoes somewhere in the nirvana of the shoe closet, then plopping himself face-first on the sofa. Then you would nag at him to shower before he falls asleep on the couch and then forgets to do his assignments. But he always manages to hustle his work right before class starts and get an A. You didn’t know how, but he still does.

Weirdly, today your heart raced fast, aching a little at the sight of your tired roommate. He must’ve sat through a 3-hour lecture which he had absolutely no interest in, and then rush over to you, looking forward to eating dumplings but instead ending up at the most desolate end of the campus.

“That was fast,” You noted, ignoring your racing heart, “and yeah, I’m doing some video thing for my project.”

“Hey,” Jisung greeted Hyunjin, who suspiciously eyed the both of you but left the studio quietly, “When is it due?”

“Next week,” You sighed as you leaned onto the creaky revolving chair your school never replaced at the editing station, “I even have to use two software for this. Premiere Pro and ProTools. Premiere Pro is fine but ProTools’ such a pain, like, I accidentally keep deleting parts that I need, then record them again.”

Jisung took his seat beside you on another creaky revolving chair, then with a few clicks of the mouse, your audio track was in one beautiful piece, running smoothly with no awkward cuts or dead air.

“H-how...” You scratched your head, still in awe of how Jisung could get your job done in supposedly 3 minutes when you couldn’t even get it properly done in 3 hours.

“ProTools can be pretty intimidating if you’re not using it regularly,” Jisung explains, helping you add in more of the audio tracks that you were going to get to, “Once you get the hang of it, it’s almost like your best friend.”

You nodded mindlessly, only registering half of whatever Jisung was saying. You just didn’t get it, some people are naturally talented, cute, good talkers, or all of them. Jisung was one of them, (annoyingly)talented at seemingly everything he touches. You shook your head, getting those thoughts out of your head. Crushing on your roommate was not going to do you any good, in fact, it will only make it more awkward when both of you practically live in the same space. 

“I kinda need an intro, outro and background song for the video...” You bit your lip, “Could you help me with that?”

“I do have a few tracks I made when I was bored, but I need to make one more suitable one for your background music.” Jisung tapped his chin, slightly immersing himself in his thoughts, “Give me two days, tops. I’ll bring it over here and help you edit it in.”

“Really?” You really didn’t expect Jisung to help, sending him a sincere smile, “Thanks Jisung, it means a lot.”

“Woah, where did the dorm y/n go?” Jisung joked, raising his eyebrows, “You’re really different when you’re in school.”

“That’s only because you don’t clean up.” You stuck your tongue out, walking over to the video recorder. “I need you in my interview too. You’re the one person I need to complete the video and I’m good to edit the whole thing.”

“Don’t forget to thank me when you get a 4.0 on this module,” Jisung nudged you playfully, taking his seat behind the camera. “I’m ready.”

“Ready, 3, 2, 1, action!”

Hello Jisung, thank you for agreeing to this interview. For the viewers of this programme, can you introduce yourself briefly?

Hello, I am Han Jisung, a music production major.

So Jisung, have you had any childhood crushes?

I did, there was this girl who was my partner in kindergarten and we would always sit together at lunch. We would hold hands and make our way to the canteen, and play with toys together during playtime. I never saw her again after kindergarten though, we went to different schools after that.

Have you dated before?

Yes, I have, but it was only with 1-2 girls. We barely dated for a week and then we broke up. Our interests didn’t align I guess. I studied pretty hard back in high school to be a music production major in this college, hence I had no time to date around or develop a crush on anyone at that point in time. So far in college, I haven’t dated though.

Do you have a crush right now? If so, do describe her briefly.

I do. She’s nice, pretty and caring. She’s also very hard working and very driven. Sometimes she does tell me off too much but that’s for my own good so I can’t really fault her with that. She’s also good at her major, even though sometimes she stresses herself out too much over it. I wished she feels the same though because it would be really awkward for us if I made the move and she doesn’t reciprocate.

Care to explain?

We... are in this point of friendship where it can either end badly or well. By ending well I mean, we would end up dating or eventually being a thing. By ending bad... she might not talk to me for the rest of the time we’re friends or.. not even friends anymore.

Thank you for agreeing to this interview. Would you like to leave a few words for your crush and the viewers?

For the viewers, don’t be afraid to like someone. It’s normal and people have feelings. Don’t be a home wrecker though. That’s bad. As for my crush... I’m not sure if she’ll see this but I hope that she’s eating well and sleeping well. Assignment deadlines are coming and I don’t want her to stress out so much. Also, I’m not sure when I’ll confess to her about my feelings but I’ll accept whatever choice she makes.

[2230]

“Who’s that lucky girl?” You teased Jisung, taking out your airpods momentarily, “Your crush.”

Jisung shrugged, tapping away on his laptop, “I could be lying for all you know.”

You threw a pillow at Jisung, “You’re not supposed to lie! I’ll make you record the whole thing again if you really lied.”

“Okay, I didn’t” Jisung defended himself with his arms in the air in defeat, “I’m not telling you. Crushes are supposed to be a secret.”

You threw your head backwards in laughter, “What are you? 8? We don’t pull this kind of crap anymore.”

“Just focus on editing, miss y/n,” Jisung mock glared at you, “It’s due next week and all you care about is the identity of my crush? How boring must’ve my interview been.”

“It’s actually one of the more interesting ones,” You commented, trimming the unwanted parts of the interview, like Jisung mocking you, putting his face too close to the camera for no reason, and him tripping over his words. Cute, but your lecturer would think of it as unprofessional. “I just need to cut out your stupid antics. What a waste of my memory on my hard drive.”

“You could’ve just put it in the bloopers,” Jisung muttered, “Also, I’m done with your music.”

You scooted over to sit beside Jisung, sharing one of his airpods as the music played, he somehow knew what you wanted, just the perfect vibe of the song that fitted your interviews. Your cheeks blushed slightly at the proximity of the both of you, laptops on your laps and old comforter draped lazily over your legs. You were so close, you could smell the remnants of cologne Jisung sprayed on this morning. He smelled of warm cotton, in addition to the calming music Jisung made for the background music, lulling you to slumber within a few minutes.

“How is it? Do you--” Jisung sat up excitedly, expecting a response from you, but only to see your eyes shut, head nestled ever so slightly on his chest. He smiled to himself, then gently draping over the comforter over your body. Jisung tucked a stray hair behind your ear, taking in your peaceful and steady breathing. 

As he inched closer, he wanted to know how your lips still remained pink even after removing your makeup(not like you needed any, he thought to himself, you were even more beautiful without it), and how they would feel on his.

Before he could place his lips on yours, he snapped out of his sleepy reverie and shifted to a more comfortable position for you, sighing to himself, 

“Goodnight and sweet dreams, my dear crush.”

[1130]

There you were, seated in the video editing studio again, trying to add a few finishing touches to your assignment. Everything was going well, until Protools decided to crash on you, letting all your efforts thus far of editing audio go to waste.

You buried your face in your palm for what seemed like the 10th time, trying to compose yourself. At times like this, you would very much appreciate Jisung’s help.

As if Jisung heard your thoughts, the boy busted through the door, this time with two cups of iced coffee, “I ended early, so I figured if I could help out before you submit your assignment.”

“Thanks, Jisung,” You accepted the iced coffee gratefully, giving your roommate a side hug, “Protools crashed on me again. Also, I have some problem with the mic. The levels don’t seem to be right and I have to submit this in 4 hours please help me I’m panicking.”

“Woah okay, chill,” Jisung settled his drink and backpack down, taking his seat beside you and putting his arm on the back of your seat, “Before you start recording, check the gain and buttons on the console. Maybe someone was trying to be a bitch and messed with them. Also, how many times did I tell you to save your session after every change? Protools isn’t always ‘healthy’ you know? Protools will crash at times too.”

Jisung started to notice the worry traced on your face, then scooted closer to you and held your hands in his, “I know the deadline’s in a few days, but I just wanted to tell you that you’re actually doing so so good? Even for someone who doesn’t major in music production. I’m sure your file isn’t lost somewhere, we can retrieve it. And I’m here to help you too, hmm? I’m pretty sure your classmates don’t have a ‘music major friend’ privilege.”

Your face started to redden, not only at Jisung’s words but also the proximity, he was so close, if you were a little closer you would kiss him right there and then. The video editing studio didn’t seem so cold anymore, but rather warm with the body heat the both of you were radiating at this very moment.

Too close... to remain friends?

You pulled away from Jisung, eyes avoiding his, “Y-yeah... sure. The stress just got to my head so I kinda took it out on you, sorry.”

“It’s fine, we all get stressed sometimes.” Jisung grabs the mouse and like before, your work was recovered in just a few clicks, “I got it back. Your clip seems fine, I think it’s good to go.”

“Wow um, thanks Jisung.” You really had no idea what to say other than “thank you” to Jisung, he had been more than of what you could ask for throughout your editing process, also being especially nice and patient when explaining technical terms to you. Now all that’s left to do is to confess to him, but you were scared to ruin the precious friendship the both of you shared thus far.

Too close... to ruin it all.

“Don’t you have some showcase thing?” Jisung comments as he saves the project, dropping it into your hard drive, “I heard from Felix that you guys have it.”

“I was just about to ask you,” You crossed your legs on the chair, facing Jisung, “I’d want you to come to the showcase.”

Jisung pauses, as light pink dusted his cheeks, “M-me?”

“Who else?” You smiled, looking around, “Unless there’s another Jisung that I don’t know about...”

“H-hey don’t scare me like that,” Jisung stutters, bringing his attention back to the desktop, “It’s not funny.”

“I’m kidding, friend.” You joked, taking a sip of the slightly diluted iced coffee.

“Friend?” Jisung turned his head, tilting to one side, hurt ever so slightly cast in his eyes.

You couldn’t read that expression, confused, tilting your head like his, “What about it?”

“Nothing.” Jisung shook his head, removing the hard drive, handing it to you.

Little did you know, hidden inside Jisung’s backpack was a mini bouquet of your favourite dried flowers.

[2145]

As the end credits rolled around, you sensed an invisible weight being lifted off your shoulders, many sleepless nights worth of edits was indeed, worth it. Not to mention that Jisung probably pulled those all-nighters with you too, alongside completing his own work or even music for your project.

You were complimented with many praises from your classmates, some grumbling that they wouldn’t get their 4.0 thanks to you, also from the other tutors in the lecture theatre. You were so glad that your efforts paid off, and you would score a decent grade in at least one of the modules, for the first time in a while.

Your eyes followed Jisung despite being overwhelmed with people after the showcase, the boy patiently waiting at the foot of the podium for you. He changed out of his usual t-shirt you saw him this morning, to a ralph lauren plain sky blue dress shirt and dark blue calvin klein jeans. You knew Jisung owned a few dress shirts and saw him in them multiple times, but you knew exactly what it was that made him look extra handsome this time around.

It wasn’t the brand, but rather your crush on him that painted him in a very different light as compared to the past.

And you were prepared to tell him.

“I think you’re ready for Hollywood,” Jisung joked as he made shy strides towards you, hands snugly tucked in his pockets, “that video was really well made.”

‘Thank you, J.One,” You teased back, him grimacing at your joke, “your music made the video a whole lot better. I really do owe you one, Jisung.”

“Well, then before we go for fried dumplings,” Jisung reached into his backpack, handing you a small bouquet of your favourite dried flowers, “Here’s for my roommate, future filmmaker extraordinaire.”

You gasped, taking the bouquet in your hands, “Jisung! You really shouldn’t have. Thank you so much.”

“It was meant to be for something else,” Jisung eyed the bouquet warily, “but since you wanted to stay friends, it's a congratulation gift now.”

“What? Stay friends?” You stared at your roommate in confusion.

“I like you, y/n.” Jisung confessed, “I wanted to confess with that bouquet of flowers back in the editing studio but you called me a friend so I thought... you wanted to stay friends and nothing more.”

Jisung smiles sadly to himself, then looking back at you, “I just thought I would make myself clear before... you potentially hate me. I’ll respect your decision! If you don’t like me back... I’m fine with it. As long as you are happy--”

You interrupted Jisung by gently placing your lips on his, your hands ever so slightly crumpling the dress shirt he actually bothered to wash this morning. You pulled away, only to be pulled back by Jisung, lips now moving to deepen the kiss he waited for so long. You nearly melted in his arms, head dizzy with euphoria as your lips locked with his every fleeting moment. The boy gently pulled away, tucking a stray hair behind your ear, “Does this mean you like me too?”

You planted a kiss on Jisung’s slightly swollen lips again, smiling to your new boyfriend, “Yes, I like you too, Jisung.”

[purplesurveys]

722

How many walls are in your bedroom? It’s your typical four-wall bedroom. What do you think about Fall Out Boy? I like their older stuff and my favorite album of theirs is Folie à Deux by a mile. Haven’t been able to keep up much with their new material, but I definitely don’t hate the stuff they’ve been putting out. Do you know where Guatemala is? I wouldn’t know where to find it on a map but I know it’s somewhere in the middle of North and South America? At least I’m pretty sure? Do you find musicians attractive? I mean being a musician isn’t necessarily a criterion for me to be attracted to someone, but sure I’ve come across good-looking musicians in the past. Do you like hard boiled eggs? They’re okay but I like soft-boiled more.

Do you know anyone named Hector? Nope. Would you move to another country for the one you love? We’ve had this conversation before and she has vehemently scolded me when I said that I honestly would, but idk that’s me. Then again, we’ve never been in that situation so I don’t really know how I’d actually act when it came to that. Do you own an instrument? We have a keyboard, but it’s for everyone’s use. I don’t own any of my own. What do you usually have for lunch? Ever since the quarantine started my family has only been having very late breakfast and dinner, so I’ve technically been skipping lunch for over a month now. But before this whole thing started my lunch would typically be whatever my mom can cook, which is pretty limited – fried chicken, sisig, and giniling with varied soups are her usuals, if I remember right. Ever had a pregnancy scare? I would have absolutely no reason to have one. What do you think about the Purple People Eater? I’ve never heard of this before. What the hell is that looool Are you pale or tan? Tan. What's the weather like right now? It’s windy, just a tad chilly, and comfortable enough during the night which I’m thankful for, but the days are excruciatingly hot. Sometimes it’ll be very humid and the air becomes too heavy and difficult to breathe in, and it usually means it will rain that night, but that’s seldom. I get headaches almost everyday now because of the rapid temperature changes, and it suuuucks because we’ve run out of Biogesic in the house. Do you like cats? No. We have such different personalities and I can tell all of the ones I’ve encountered don’t like me. But for the next few days I’ll probably have a brief soft spot for cats because my sister’s cat, Arlee, passed away last Sunday. We were never close and her tail always got bushy whenever she saw me, but it was the first time I had to deal with a pet cat dying and I was still pretty shattered by it. What's the best part about Wal*Mart? I dunno, I can’t relate. Do you think Akon is amazing or annoying? I think neither of him. I mostly don’t mind him. Do you like the buzz cigarettes give you? I’ve... never gotten a ~buzz from them before? Am I smoking wrong? Lmao. But uh idk it’s weirdly pleasurable overall, and now I’m ever so slightly disgusted with myself for even being able to say that now. Are you a practical joker? Nope, I hate pranks. Do you like pop? This is slang for soda right? No I don’t. I feel like my tongue is being cut off every time I try it out and that always ruins the whole experience for me. What are you looking forward to? Eating the box of sushi sitting beside me. Angela surprised me for my birthday and had the sushi delivered to my house :) Have you ever laughed so hard you couldn't breathe? I’m sure most of us have. What's your favorite band? This question has been everywhere recently. I like Paramore the most but just so I give a different answer for once, I also enjoy alt-J. Do you feel stupid when you spill things on yourself? My mom has conditioned me to think this way, so yes. I feel pretty stupid when I drop or spill anything. Are you excited for summer? In the current global situation? It’s hard to feel excited for anything, especially when experts have recommended closing everything down until at least August. Have you ever snuck out? No. My mom would’ve found out easily. It’s always easier to ask for permission cause she’s never said no anyway. When's the last time you were kissed? :( A month and two weeks. Would you ever eat popcorn & salsa? I’ve never tried them together; I think it’d be a weird combination plus salsa already isn’t my dip of choice anyway. Do you sleep with the television on? Nah but close. I’ll sometimes sleep with Netflx or YouTube playing on my phone, depending on what I feel like listening to before falling asleep. Would you ever want to be able to be invisible? I’ll fantasize about it sometimes, sure. What does your favorite shirt look like? Don’t have a current favorite shirt since I can’t go out anyway. What's your favorite scent? Gabie’s perfume or any freshly cooked food. Skype, Msn, Aim, or Yahoo? All of these are pretty much ancient now. What's your favorite time of the day? These days I’m really loving these hours in particular – midnight onwards. It’s nice to finally be alone considering I’m cooped up in a house with family literally all day, and it’s nice to use the alone time listening to lo-fi and answering a survey or two. Do you hate the phrase ''love ya'' when coming from a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah it wouldn’t sit well with me if it came from Gabie. But I say this regularly to my friends. What do you do when someone in the room has b.o.? Look away if I’m forced to be with them, or just move away altogether if I’m not talking to them directly. What movie would you like to see right now? Not really in a movie watching mood rn. I just watched Two for the Road a couple of nights ago and that’s enough for me, hahaha. How many times a day do you shower? Just once. What do you think of the name Chloe? It’s cute! It’s already common where I live so it’s not one of my top baby name choices, but I really love the name and I think this spelling in particular is cute. Do you like Hollister? When I was 14, sure. I was mostly invested in them because Louis Tomlinson of 1D’s girlfriend used to be a Hollister model HAHAHAHA. These days I largely don’t care for the brand. What's your favorite alcoholic drink? I always go for a Long Island Iced Tea whenever they have it on a menu. Do you like 80's music? Like, 0.0003% of it. Just not my decade for music. Do you have to wear glasses or have contacts? I wear glasses. I choose not to wear contacts. Do you play Halo or Gears of War? No for both. How do you feel about cleaning? I think it’s...necessary lol? I don’t really actively feel anything for it, other than it has to be done every now and then. What do you think of emo kids? I think we should leave ‘em be. Do you like the movie Grease? I don’t like musicals. Do you like singing? Only by myself or if I’m absolutely shitfaced drunk.

What's your favorite Jim Carrey movie? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, WITHOUT A DOUBT. There's a knock at your door at 4 in the morning; what do you do? Welp, given that there’s been a recent disturbance in our village where a construction worker broke into a neighbor’s home, I’ll probably be more wary this time around and just ignore it. I’ll stay alert for a few minutes to see whether they start breaking in after being ignored or simply walk away so that I’m ready to wake up my parents and start screaming if they do the former. Do you like peaches? I hate all fruits. Ever lost a best friend? Not to death, but I’ve drifted apart from a best friend.

Ever heard of a town called Wadena? No. Only Wakanda, heh. Have you ever been to a funeral? I’ve never been to a funeral; I’ve only visited wakes. We were pretty sheltered when it came to death and I would dread the day I’d have to go to my first funeral because I don’t know if I’d be capable of processing the events. What's your favorite sport? Pro wrestling if it counts. If it doesn’t, tennis is my favorite to watch while table tennis is my favorite to play. What do you think about homeschooling? Egh the homeschooled kids where I live always turn out to be a bit weird or not very sociable, so I’m kinda biased against it. I don’t know if homeschooling in other countries can say the same, though. What do you think about French people? I don’t think anything of them. Thankful for their pain au chocolat though. Do you like your parents? Yes. They’ve worked harder than anyone I know to get to where they are now and to be able to provide as much as they have for their three kids. I respect them tremendously for that. I just wish we were more open and expressive and affectionate as a family in general; that would literally solve like 9732 of my problems. And I also wish that my mom wasn’t verbally abusive at times. What do you think about Minnesota? OMG nothing, stop. Do/did you like high school? It had its ups and downs. I’m mostly in the middle about it, like I can’t say I enjoyed it cause then that would betray the things I hated about it, and I can’t say I mostly hated it cause that would invalidate the good times. I did learn a lot though, that I can say for sure. Do you have any Asian friends? All of my friends are Asian. Is it cold where you live? Not even barely. Do you find accents attractive? No. I find most of them difficult to follow which is why I always need subtitles when I view anything foreign haha. Do you hate it when people make spelling mistakes? No, unless they act like a know-it-all but still fuck up their spelling. Would you ever let your boyfriend/girlfriend do your makeup? I would DEFINITELY let them do my makeup – she’d be the first person I would run to hahaha because I don’t know the first thing about applying makeup. Do you like to shop? Not like every week, but it is fun to fall down the rabbit hole and start grabbing clothes heh. How long are you on the computer during a 24 hour period? These days I’m not on it for long, which I’m really happy about! When the lockdown started I was really worried that I was gonna be too dependent on my laptop and never close it for the entire quarantine period, but the opposite has been happening. I really just open it in the evening when I take surveys, so that’s around 3-4 hours. Is money really that important? It is for me, and for everyone else in this third world Southeast Asian country. Have you ever broken a bone? Nope. Who is your favorite family member? My dog. What size bed do you have? Just a twin size, nothing special. Can’t wait to earn on my own and buy me a much bigger mattress. What age do you want to be married? Late 20s, if possible. I want to be ready for kids by the time I hit my 30s.   What's the last thing your wrote? A Facebook message for Gabie. What do you think of your town? It’s mostly uneventful here, but I think I prefer living in a calm city cause I suppose it would be exhausting living in a city that’s so hectic all the time. My situation also gives me a healthy balance of busy and quiet which I think has helped my wellbeing. When's the last time you played hide & go seek? Years and years and years ago. I think it was when we first moved into the house and it was still mostly empty.

[scato006-blog]

Searching for a title and feedback.

New to this, would appreciate any feedback. 

All Rights Reserved. Copyright © 2019 Stephanie Catozzi

My mother’s hand squeezes around my infantile one, small, petite, and plump even for a 12-year-old. I feel the cold, hard shaft of the metal handle, the gun weighty in my hand. My mother’s breath, laced with Bacardi rum and stale Marlboro lights, coaches me to squeeze harder, my tiny fingertips biting under the pressure and turning light purple at the tips from being held so forcefully.

“You have to hold it like you mean it, steady.” She coaches.

“I don’t want to,” I whine, almost silently.

               The wind kept biting my plump cheeks, and I felt my legs, bare in the November air, tingling and pocking with cold bumps.

               This has become a routine, my mother getting intoxicated or high, and taking a sudden interest in her children and choosing the worst time to suddenly teach us some life skills. My brother, with his autism, is too heady a project to undertake. So, it is me, who at 11 pm is hauled from my kitten covered sheets and dragged outside for an impromptu lesson on protecting myself, undoubtably due to some loosely based on a true story Lifetime network film where a girl, most likely Tori Spelling, is victimized.  

               Thankfully, she loses interest surprisingly fast this time, and when she loosens her grip on my hand, I am able to wrestle past her, knocking her to one knee as she curses and I bolt back into my bed and lock the door. She staggers in and pounds for several moments, calling me names, before I hear her door shut and know she has passed out.

My mother hasn’t been quite right since my father died. I see her leaving often to doctors’ offices, complaining of ailments ranging from pains to depression and anxiety disorders. Her pills litter the tops of our 80’s style maroon kitchen counters; every consistency you can imagine from syringes to tiny multicolored capsules. In the mornings, we see her guzzling down the liquid medications, never using the tiny, clear ridged top that is supposed to serve as a barbie sized measuring cup. Instead, she uses that as a pseudo lid when she gets too inebriated to remember where she put the child proof cap the pharmacist carefully clicks into place. Her arms are littered with pock marks from needles. Some self-inflicted and some from all the blood draws ordered by her physicians. She has become obsessed with this idea of teaching us how to protect ourselves since my father passed. Which later I will realize is terribly contradictory, since the basis of most our inflictions come from her blatant negligence.

               It isn’t until I start having sleepovers with girls outside my neighborhood that I will realize this isn’t a normal occurrence. I spend time with girls whose parents bake them cinnamon buns in the morning slathered with extra crystalline icing, whose mothers collect little figurines cased in glass cabinets without fingertips smeared on them and father figures who go off to work, kissing cheeks instead of backhanding them like the other dads in my neighborhood would do. It’s a foreign world to me, and oddly, it makes me surprisingly uncomfortable to be in such a serene environment. Almost mundane as wild as that may seem to some. Beige. I always notice this common color scheme in these safety net homes, everything was always varying shades of beige from the carpets to the placemats to the sheets. Beige everywhere.

               In the morning, it’s as if nothing has happened, as she bustles around the kitchen getting my brother’s routine down to match the Velcro pictured descriptions that are supposed to help with his over stimulation. I can tell there is something tangible and tense in the air, the blatant ostracizing of me from our tiny family unit. I will learn later that it is due to embarrassment over her own actions, but in the moment from my young perspective, I have somehow failed her.

I gather my things, my teal Jansport backpack smeared with pen marks and patches, and dig in the back cabinet, shoving expired bags of chips and soup out of the way to find a long lost granola bar and walk out the door, pausing before turning the silver knob to look back slightly out of my peripheral at my mother to see if she pauses at the sound of me leaving. She doesn’t.

The bus stop holds a sense of comfort for me, knowing that I will be headed to the one safe institution I have in my young life, school. There are rules, teachers, consistency, and scheduled mealtimes. I know what is coming and when. I know what is expected of me and it isn’t laced with alcohol and substances, or parties in my home with strange men who grab in places they shouldn’t and burn your arms with their cigarettes when you try to yell in protest for someone who is too inebriated to come to your rescue.

Teacher’s take special interest in me, I must exude some sense of chaos at home, my behavior is mildly disruptive with chattering to my fellow neighboring classmates, often causing my desk to be moved adjacent to the teachers to curve my “social butterfly” antics.

Years later, I will run into my favorite English teacher, Ms. Mueller, and she will subtly hint at the signs of abuse she saw from my rumpled clothes to my bruised arms and vacant expression from exhaustion. She will tell me of a time she went to my mother’s store, at the height of our home tsunami during my high school years, and the words heatedly exchanged between them. From that point on, in school, before I have this knowledge, I will choose to spend an hour every day after school with her and be exposed to various forms of literature. She will bring books with her and give me deadlines throughout the year, hoping to keep me driven and expand this world I escape to through books.

Oddly enough, my thirst for books came from the very person I was trying to escape.

In fifth grade I had a teacher I absolutely loathed. It was truly, the first person I had a deep hatred and resentment for. I remember the feelings of rage and a craving for the demolition of our high-ceilinged classroom. Ms. Symzick was a small, petite woman who would prance around her classroom in various shades of loud pinks and magenta, shouting in her irritatingly shrill, chalkboard scraping screeching voice. She had a serious inclination to class favorites, and those favorites tended to be the children of affluent parents she co-vacationed with in the Bahamas and Jamaica, frequently referencing scuba diving explorations and inside jokes she had created with the kids poolside while they showed off their attempts at underwater hand stands. She accused my indifferent attitude towards her and my inability to pay attention to her reading “out loud” to the class on comprehension issues. My mother responded, in typical Tammy fashion, and greeted me that afternoon with a stack of VC Andrews books. Her philosophy was that I needed something to read that could hold my attention in a mildly traumatizing way. Make the book risqué enough for me to care, and it would cure my non attentive approach to active listening. It certainly worked.

While my classmates were reading books about bridges crossing into Terabithia to conquer exciting pretend lands, I was obsessed with mentally trying to connect the incest family trees of wealthy families stuck in attics, toiling away pasting together paper flowers to create gardens. I craved reading about these fucked up families, and was elated to find that not only where the books thick with small font which meant they lasted longer than my classmates small flirtations with literature, but they also were in series so I could follow these families for generations. I would blow through a book a day if it was the weekend, absorbing finally, every comma and black small printed letter flowing into my mind through an osmosis of obsessive reading.

I sit next to Holly and hold her hand under our jackets in solidarity. Holly has the same house as I do, which is baffling and comforting for my young mind. Her brothers shout and throw things in their drunken rages, blaming their parents for their adult failures and losses of custody over children. Her father sits on the couch, sleeps on the couch, drinks on the couch, argues from the couch, he exists on the couch, never intervening. When he would winded from yelling, he would clutch a small, metal vile necklace he always wore. I would learn later it contained a single pill that would melt under his tongue because he was prone to panic attacks from his time in the military.

Holly will sneak into my room, late in the night, when things get bad and she climbs into my bed, cold hands and feet pressed against my calves for warmth. She rustles under my sheets and presses her perfect little bud lips against my cheek and snuggles into my neck and falls asleep fast, just as our thermostat registers the drop in temperature from the window being pried open for her to come in and the furnace clicks on, as always, I fling my leg out from under the blankets, so as to not wake Holly and soak in some cool air as her body heat radiates against my own. I love her and want to protect her, as she is the only one who has ever expressed a kindred likeliness to what I experience behind closed doors. She protects me as well, when my mother opens the door slightly to see if I am awake or when she is under the influence ready for another “life lesson,” she will always close the door and slither away when she sees Holly’s body next to mine.

Holly knew about these moments, in the dead of night when my mother would make her way into the room. She was the one who saw the handprint makes in shades of black and blue, purple then fading to yellows and lime greens. She would take my arm, and lay her hot, brown palm slowly and softly on top of the blue and purple marks so gently, brushing the tops of the soft baby arm hair then would turn over, as if nothing had happened. It was the act of acknowledging, that would transition into acts of protection. She knew if she was there, those marks wouldn’t appear. Holly became an ever-present staple in my life, it was truly as if she was holding me together, fastening my frayed edges to keep them from being burned by my mother and faceless men’s lighters.

This is my day to day, and night to night. The seeking of comfort in concrete things and people outside my home and struggling to find a purpose outside of myself.

Years pass, the same abuses remain constant, even after the school nurse contacts my mother over concerns she has when she sees my bandaged fingers from a screaming hot iron. The difference is the older I get, the more I learn to fight back, slick mouthed and learning to block hands quickly with forearms. I develop the internal switch, for numbing and hardening emotions to dispel any sense of misery or hopelessness, I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable around her and show any form of pain or exaggerated anger. I treat her with complete indifference, which in her drunken, high moments causes absolute meltdowns. Her emotional levels skyrocketing due to inebriation, and my disconnect growing more profound with each outburst. I start to want more, more than these walls and house. I want to sleep peacefully, quietly, and safely. A concept I had never visualized for myself that I thought was coveted for children with two parents and yards without brown spots and littered with dog feces.

I sit, at 15, in my English class, the scared space I have carved out for myself. Ms. Mueller, walks past, having just kicked Gary out of class for shouting at her.

“Dyke gave me a F,” he rages after we are returned our midterm grades.

“Out!” Ms. Mueller declares, stunning me at how she so gracefully and passively dismisses him and his hate slurred words.

As she passes back to her desk, I feel a blue piece of paper get slid under the flesh of my forearm. I slide it under my notebook, I can tell through its delivery, she doesn’t want me to attract any attention through receiving it. She looks pointedly at me, and when the bell rings I rush out to see what it is she has slipped me.

She knows I am not happy with her today. Ms. Mueller detests Holly. There is this just under the surface acknowledgement that they don’t address one another, ever. Holly feels Ms. Mueller is trying to come between us and take time I should be spending time with her and instead am choosing to spend it reading, which is the most boring thing in Holly’s mind. Oddly enough, Holly has detention or make up tests almost every day after school, so her time wouldn’t be spent with me regardless. Holly is known to have her behavioral issues, shouting at teachers and authority figures much in the same fashion as her older brothers do to her and her parents. It is a cycle that has already began its inheritable rotation.

               “She’s not good for you, you have too much inside you for that one.” Ms. Mueller had told me suddenly, interrupting me reading silently beside her while she worked on the summer reading list for the class, and my own which had easily an extra fifteen books added to it. At the time, I didn’t really understand what it was she meant.

“Too much inside me? What the hell?” I thought. I glared defiantly at the top of her head, wishing I had the nerve to reach out and rustle her short, cropped hair out of its artfully tousled with hair paste landscape just out of spite. She didn’t look up, nor acknowledge my anger filled face, and after some time I set my mouth in a taught line and kept reading. Leaving that day without saying a word when our hour was up.

I open it up and see it’s a flyer, for some summer program called Upward Bound and kids interested in colleges. I had never imagined myself being on some pristine collegiate campus. That was also reserved for the cinnamon bun kids whose parents showed up to every sporting event, cheering them on from the sidelines and pumping their fists in the air, visualizing college scouts coming with hefty scholarships and grants. Not for me, who begged for rides to and from practices, relying on my grandparents for transportation sparsely, so they wouldn’t see the state of our house. My mother would always get angry when her parents came to drop us off, always insisting on coming in to survey the

damage in the house from holes in walls to dirty dishes crawling with critters and cats licking dirty pans for burned egg pieces.

I folded the flyer in half and hastily shoved in under my stack of books on the bottom self in the locker I share with Holly. I am always the bottom shelf, to take my lacking height into consideration. She can’t see it; she will lose her mind. I know this, our codependency has blossomed into a full relationship of unhealthy proportions, two emotionally crippled humans attempting at something far too adult.

I wait, as always, for her to come meet me briefly, and she does. Angry brown eyes, jet black hair, browned skin from her native American heritage, and slanted eyebrows. I forgot she was angry with me from this morning when I pulled my hand away from hers when Kim snatched the jacket up that hid our weaved fingertips.

“Mr. Mason is such an asshole,” she huffs slamming her books in the locker, standing on her tip toes to launch them to the back where we hear them ding as they hit the metal back.

“What happened?” I ask, gauging her temperance to see where we are at. Holly drives the emotional state of our relationship; she being the more volatile of the two of us.

“He gave me detention for missing all that homework,” she huffed as she slammed the locker shut. “I just want school to be done already, I hate it.”

I watched her stalk off, wordless, now definitely wasn’t the time to broach the subject of an academic summer camp that focuses on colleges. Holly was not interested in anything remotely studious, let alone something that would separate us for an entire summer.

I watch her turn the corner of the light seafoam green colored hallways, waiting until I can be sure she is completely out of sight before slamming my elbow into the door right above the turn lock, causing it to pop open, a little trick Tommy showed me last year when he had this locker. I hop up on the toes of my sneakers and grab the flyer out from my Roman History classes textbook.

It is in that moment; I realize I don’t want to stay closeted with Holly and hide holding hands. I don’t want to stay in a home I feel constantly threatened in, showing all the scars on my skin and inside of my flesh. I don’t want to be stuck slinging burgers at the diner down the street, or as a cashier at the grocers. I don’t want to struggle against the New England seasonal depression of grey skies to salt crusted and frost heaved roads. I don’t want to be tied to this place where I feel like a hamster on a spinning wheel, never moving forward and back, just in one constant place.

The flyer announces the meeting is today, in Ms. Mueller’s classroom of course, but an hour after we usually meet. I know Holly has detention, so if there was ever a time I could go and take a glance at what this whole thing is about, it is today when she will be occupied for a definite set amount of time.

I watch the clock anxiously for the last two periods, bouncing my leg in anticipation, choosing to focus more on the seconds hand than the other two since it moves at such a faster pace. Holly isn’t in my last two classes; they are AP and she is sequestered into the more remedial ones where they mostly watch movies instead of getting lectures from young teachers who still feel they can make a difference and impact our lives.

Ms. Mueller is at the door, leaning against it with her arms crossed, her cuffs folded up at the elbow, creased slacks and pointed shiny ebony dress shoes, almost as if she was waiting for me. Now that I look back, I think she was.

“Well here she is, take a seat.” She gestures to the open door.

I look in and see every seat is filled mostly with kids from other schools and a couple familiar faces of girls I have barely exchanged two words with. I slide into a seat near the door, resolving that if I need to make a quick getaway, I will at least have an easy shot to the door. Ms. Mueller positions her chair in the doorway; it’s like she can sense what I am thinking and gives me another one of her pointed stares.

A young man with a lot of vigor and energy and radiant brilliantly white smile bounds up to the front of the room. I will learn almost immediately that his name is Craig when he finally stops bounding around and announces who he is, that he went to Bates College, and dives into a lengthy description of what Upward Bound really is. There are other individuals up there as well, all standing in a line with various colleges strewn on their tee shirts and sweatshirts: Colby-Sawyer, Keene State, UNH, Plymouth State, are some of the names I spot.

The program is a six-week summer session that focuses on preparing students for college and even offers opportunities to take college level classes that can be accredited. Six weeks on a college campus, right in my hometown, sleeping in the dorms, going to classes, they even offer sporting events and excursions to local spots for day trips. It sounded too good to be true.

I looked around the room and saw most of the kids had that same look as I did, clinging to every word. “Give me an escape, please. Tell me I won’t fall through the cracks and be left right here where I started.” Their faces all seemed to say.

Craig took the basic Q&A after his dialogue of wonderous academia enchantment and promise, everyone asking the same things I was wondering. I wouldn’t raise my hand and attract attention to myself, no way.

I saw her then, Jodie, sitting with her hand up to ask more about the sporting opportunities offered, field hockey specifically. She sat with her blonde hairspray scrunched hair, long eyelashes and friendly, wide open blue eyes. I was amazed at how drawn I was to her instantly, like she was the bright glinting Christmas tree of hope in contrast to Holly’s darkness and shadowing pessimistic outlook on life and humanity. There was also this underlying feeling emanating from her. She was wearing adidas snap pants and her field hockey jacket, I knew without knowing, I knew she had the same attraction to females as I did. When Craig answered her question to her satisfaction, Jodie thanked him, and I saw her sign the sheet to enroll and receive more information. I watched that sheet for the rest of the presentation and when we were wrapping up, Ms. Mueller caught me at the door, the sign sheet in her fingertips.

“You forgot something,” she stated, a black pen in her other hand, held out to me.

I stepped aside, opening my mouth to let out a string of excuses, all based in fear and simultaneously worried that if I failed at this camp, I would disappoint her.

“Don’t.” She held up her palm that held the pen. “Sign the paper.”

I realized in that moment; this was my chance. I was on the edge of something, a choice. I knew what I would lose, and I quickly sobered to the reality that what I stood to lose, didn’t outweigh what I had to gain.      

So I made the choice, to take a chance, put the pen to that blue paper, and signed my name, choosing to take that chance, choosing something so much bigger for myself than I could have ever imagined and taking the first step to end the cycle that would have ensnared me just as it did many others. It even would claim Holly in the end, leaving her to browning pine trees, closeted and affairs in secrecy, the shame and impending alcoholism, cursing from her couch just as her father did.

[pavlovers]

tagged by the superstar herself @britneyshakespeare, thank ya kindly diana <33

rules: answer the 15 questions and tag 15 mutuals

Are you named after someone?:

it doesn’t ever occur to me that often that i am but according to my parents im named after some distant aunt who chose the name “nancy” as her american name when she came here sometime in the ‘80s. of course i can’t be sure of this since ive never actually met this aunt and asked her but the possibility that i am,, indirectly named after nancy reagan absolutely horrifies me. but i like to think not of such possibilities. 

When was the last time you cried?:

i very nearly cried when i saw bohemian rhapsody a couple of days ago but alas no actual tears came out. i do actually vividly remember the last time i cried (it was right around the beginning of the month) but the circumstances surrounding it are uh deeply personal and somewhat traumatic so im not going to go into it  

Do you have kids?:

i AM a kid. and i don’t have siblings or go out all that much so i dont even see younger kids on a regular basis. so i think it’s safe to say that i definitely am not responsible for other children in any capacity.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?:

id answer this sarcastically but im not witty enough to come up with something other than “surely not” so i guess i have to go the straight-faced honest route

idk, i mean of course i use sarcasm plenty on this site and in real life but like do i use it more than the average everyday person? i wouldnt say so

What’s the first thing you notice about people?:

who actually consistently has ONE thing or even a few things that they first notice about people every single time they meet or see someone new like,, idk whatever’s the first thing that happens to stand out to me is collectively the first thing that i notice about people whether that’s clothes, hair, affinity for the popular virtual band gorillaz, etc

What’s your eye color?:

its just solid brown but im content with that. 

Scary movies or happy endings?:

who’s to say the two are mutually exclusive  

Any special talents?:

getting 88s on my apush tests and falling asleep at either 4 pm or 2 am

Where were you born?:

in the same city as john mayer apparently

What are your hobbies?:

daydreaming, talking to myself, listening to music while doing the previous two, watching whatever garbage youtube happens to recommend to me

Do you have any pets?:

one goldfish, his name is nemo. im not the main person responsible for taking care of him so sometimes i forget i have him but he is a cool dude to watch swim around his tank from time to time. 

How tall are you?:

5′3

What sports do you play/have played?:

are there actually jocks using this website,, if so im not one of them

Favorite subject at school?:

i dont really have strong opinions on most of my classes. i guess usually id say english but this year having ap lang first period has often left me feeling more miserable than not. so surprisingly im gonna say chemistry,, normally i wouldn’t consider myself a more math/science oriented person but so far im understanding the ap chem curriculum a hell of a lot more than biology (also coursework wise its definitely way less intensive at least in my experience) plus ive become pretty solid friends w the girl who sits next to me and my chem teacher only plays the killers and billy joel concerts for background music, so definitely not a terrible class by a longshot. 

Dream job?:

no idea, but whatever it is future me wants to pursue i just hope i dont end up hating it too much

ill tag @airiarce @murobrown @whitedeadflower @an-aviary-far-from-home @salinger @alreadyadored @dreamer-of-possible-dreams and @luciferpls if any of them wanna (and also anyone else who wants to)

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

Since you've done all odd numbers.. even numbers?

OH DEAR GOD OKAY THAT’S GREAT!!! Thank you so so much for asking, amazing Anon!!!!! :’D Here we gone, it’s gonna be long again, so it’s below the cut!! Click read more to learn more randomness about me!!! X’D [questions from here]

2.have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?

Not exactly like me, no. That’s the good thing about art; nothing is the same! :D

4.would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

LMAO NO

6.how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

Not many. I tend to distrust men more with physical harm and I distrust women more with emotional harm. I have… trust issues. I trust my frens and some of my family members and that’s about it. oof. ^__^”

8.who would you like to see in concert?

If I’m gonna be risking sensory overlord… Coldplay!

10.would you ever want to swim with sharks?

HELL TO THE YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDD

12.what was the last thing that made you laugh?

My Dad just brushed Ria our German Shepherd and came in COVERED in fur X’D X’D

14.have any pets?

YES!! Three dogs (Ria the German Shepherd, Granger the whippet, and Maude the mutt/Pomeranian-ish), three chickens (Haymitch, Cinna, and Effie) and two ducks (Peeta and Katniss). Don’t worry, we named the poultry after Hunger Games characters to be ironic, since we have no plans to kill them and they’re spoiled AF. X’D

16.do you have piercings? How many?

I don’t! I wanted some, but… eh we’ll see. XD

18.what are you craving right now?

Intimacy. :’)

20.have you ever been cheated on?

No. And if I ever am it will absolutely destroy me. So yeah, if my future partner is reading this, please just… don’t. Break up with me first, at least.

22.do you believe in true love?

Meh. Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know. I hope it exists though!

24.do you like the snow?

I’ve never seen snow!! I WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT AND JUST FACE-PLANT INTO IT!!!!!!! :’D XD

26.is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

Kinda depends on the circumstances??? but it’s usually it is pretty cute! ^-^

28.go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

Six million pounds of space dust settles on the earth every year.

ummmm…. thanks, I hate it? XD

30.what color do you really want to dye your hair?

BRIGHT FUCKIN YELLOW. PIKA PIKA MOTHERFUCKER!!! >:D X’D

32.talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

I have this one bag that’s been with me since I was 8. It’s basically a glorified sack that creases every bit of clothing you put in it to hell and it has straps and rope ties and it’s navy blue and I love it!! :D X’D

34. what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

My own goddamn house. Had to bust a window and everything. X’D

36.what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

Okay so my Mum exclusively buys black socks. Just…. black socks that you can’t even tell apart, but I can’t wait till I can buy the most RIDICULOUSLY CUTE HECKING SOCKS ON THE PLANET. I do like wearing socks, I do not sleep with socks on, but I think they’re great!! :D XD

38.do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

It’s p small and it has lots of art I can actually appreciate on the walls and it’s got a low ceiling and kind of a comforting, dark-but-still-sunny den kind of vibe. The booths are actually comfortable. A lot of wood and smokey colours. There’s a slate fireplace crackling somewhere. It smells strongly of coffee and vaguely of liquorice. There’s a spot at the back that’s mostly hidden from site, the perfect place to curl up and read a book while picking on a muffin that was reasonably cheap but the size of your whole hand. Closest place to heaven on earth.

40.what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

Not being able to breathe. Pretty much, ya.

42.think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

Sam aka myriadimagines. And this song, idk why, it just reminds me of her.

44.do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

ASDFGHJKL ACTUALLY THIS THING THAT SAM HERSELF WROTE IS MY FAVE. I read it like a 2 years ago now and it still stuck with me and it’s so beautifully poignant I want to SCREAM. hello yes why are my friends so talented are they even REAL??????????

46.what are some of your worst habits?

I forget to eat and generally forget to take care of myself, I deny myself things I like for absolutely no reason??? I procrastinate everything, I bite my fingernails super low and also the skin around them bc I’m fuckin constantly anxious and can’t sit still, I overthink everything, I stay up way too late… honestly I could keep going, you get the point. XD

48.tell us about your pets!

OKAY SO. Ria is absolutely OBSESSED with her ball, and I mean OBSESSED to the point where she has no idea what to do with herself if you take it away and gets all anxious and whines and paces till you give it back. She constantly sheds and she does this sUpER CuTe thing where she wraps her front paw around your leg while you’re trying to walk and trips you. :))) Granger is either made of metal or a deflated pool toy and there’s no in between. She eats literally anything, including ants nests bc you know they must taste GREAT. She’s super stubborn. She gets smile wrinkles if you rub her neck. Maudie was rescue we got as a really small puppy. We only knew her mum but her dad must have been a Pomeranian bc she looks almost exactly like one. She has this thing where she bites you when you surprise her but really she’s a sweetheart. She’s mostly blind and deaf and has no idea where she is most of the time, I don’t think. XD The chickens are all idiots, the ducks are scared of me but still eat out of my hand when I offer them grapes. Haymitch likes to jump up on my back, Effie likes falling asleep on my lap, and Cinna pecks me a lot and leaves bruises but she lets me stroke her at night when she’s dozing off. :’)

50.are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

I think they can be funny… in small amounts. :/// Their laughs are pretty infectious, you gotta admit. XD

52.describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

Wariness and weariness and beauty and a fierce want to be loved.

54.are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

YEEEEESSSSSSS. An Ouroboros (either sealed or pulling away idk), a blank line of my arm so I can write how many days I’ve been without a relapse bc I need to be held accountable for my actions, a black square with colours bursting out, I also really love blackout tattoos???? I want a bird on my middle finger. :)))) And maybe a smiley face near my collar bone. The quote “what a marvel life is.” I also want the word “promise” on me somewhere, idk where. Maybe a feather somewhere too??? AHHHH SO MANY MY DUDE!!!!!! :DDDDDDDD maybe even a Southern cross but I don’t want to be one of those wankers y’know XD

56.what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Star Wars, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Mulan, Into The Spiderverse. Basically just my favourites lmao. XD

58.if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

Neither, eesh. Maybe the past….?? Maybe…? I guess it’d be pretty funny to grab “I’m a girl!!!” Matt and shake some sense into his thick skull. X’D

60.what are some things you do when you can’t sleep?

Oh boy. Throw a ball at the wall and catch it, try to write, have a panic attack bc I should be sleeping, read, play Pokemon, listen to music, pat my dogs, possibly cry… world’s my oyster. XD

62.who is the last person you told a secret to?

My Mum.

64.what’s your favorite food?

🍕 !!!!!!!! :DDDDDD

66.three songs you were recently obsessed with.

this one - this one - this one 

68. three favourite old songs

this - this - this

70.worst possible time to get horny:

lmao when both my parents are home and I have no time to deal with ittttt… occasions like that are the only times I’m sort of grateful I can’t get a boner and give myself away. XD 

72.do you believe in soulmates?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don’t believe any relationship is “perfect”, though. There’s always gonna be difficulties.

74.who was the last person you cried in front of?

Dad. Oof.

76.is it easier to forgive or forget?

Neither. :))))))) Forget… I guess?? But really. Neither. :)

78.do you have trust issues? 

*inhale*

Y E S

80.would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Nopeity nope nope. XD

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING, ANON!!!

[parkerrogersgirl]

Tempting Fate- Chapter 5

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Word Count: 2,066

Warnings: swearing, DELICIOUS SMUTTY SMUT (18+ only)

A/N: Hey, y’all! @sonofadeanwinchester and I decided it’d be cool if we wrote a series together. SO, HERE’S CHAPTER 3! Please, please, please give us feedback. Feedback is the glue that keeps the writers together. We need the feedback. Send either of us an ask, and we’ll just send each other screenshots. Or you can send it to both of us. Thanks, lovelies.

Summary: I haven’t seen him since I was 18. Haven’t spoken in years. He changed when he got his ticket to fame. But what happens after you choose to give up and let fate take the wheel?

Masterlist

Sebastian leans in, just barely touching his lips to yours, trying to predict how you’ll react. Your brain gets fuzzy, and all you can think about is how good his lips feel on yours, and how much you missed this. You deepen the kiss and feel Seb relax, pulling you tight to his chest. He nibbles on your lip, and you try to pull him on top of you.

He chuckles at your feeble attempt at moving him, but he gets the hint and moves so he’s on top of you. He keeps kissing you, and you run your fingers through his hair as he traces his hands down your body. You moan into the kiss, which only gets him going more. He starts grinding on you slowly as you kiss. You reach down, hooking your fingers in his shirt, waiting for his response. He sits up, doing that super hot thing guys do where they reach behind their back and pull their shirt over their head. You bite your lip when his shirt is off, noticing how built he is from his recent movies. You pull him back down on top of you, and he makes quick work of your pajama shirt.

“You’re so beautiful, scumpa mea.”

You moan, looking into his eyes, “you know what it does to me when you speak Romanian…”

He smirks, slipping his hand into your underwear. He leans down and kisses you softly and slowly, stroking your clit. You moan into the kiss, bucking your hips up toward his hands.

“How’s that, baby?” He whispers into your ear, nibbling it softly.

You nod, unable to find words to describe the ecstasy you’re feeling right now.

He slips in a finger, starting to kiss down your body. He slips off your pants and underwear while curling his finger inside you. He slowly moves his mouth down and starts sucking on your clit.

You gasp, arching your back off the bed, “God, Seb, you’re so good.” You feel your orgasm getting closer, and you reach down, pulling on his hair a little. He groans loudly, adding another finger. A few more thrusts with his fingers, and you’re coming undone, moaning his name.

He moves back up, kissing you passionately, “talk to me, baby.”

You wrap your arms around his neck, looking into his eyes, “Seb, I need you. I’ve needed you for years.”

He quickly gets off the bed, removing his clothes before quickly jumping back onto the bed, getting on top of you. “Do you have…….?”

“I’m on the pill, we’re fine. We should probably be quiet, though.”

He props himself up on his elbows, one on either side of you, “I don’t think I’ll be able to hold back, (Y/N). We’ve both been waiting for this for way too long.” He slips inside you, and starts a quick pace.

He leans down and kisses you deeply as he thrusts harder, moaning with each thrust. He sucks on your neck, biting it gently. He finds your sensitive spot on your neck, eliciting a loud moan from you.

“Baby, I can’t hold on much longer,” he breathes, and you wrap his legs around your waist as you feel your second climax approaching faster than a freight train.

He lets out one last animalistic groan, and he cums hard inside you, and you follow a second later.

He kisses you deeply, pulling out of you as you kiss. He falls next to you, laying on his side looking at you, running his fingers up and down your stomach.

He sighs, smiling sweetly at you. “That was…”

“Incredible? Long overdue?”

“I think both.” He leans over, kissing your cheek. “But I also think that was definitely worth the wait.”

You nod slowly, “Absolutely.”

Sebastian kisses you softly, “we should probably get some sleep, we have a long day tomorrow.” He rolls you over onto your side, facing away from him. He pulls you against him so you’re spooning with one of his arms around your waist.

You start drifting off to sleep and just barely hear him murmur, “I love you, (Y/N). Always have, always will.”

---

Sebastian’s POV

It’s official. I’m still madly in love with her. As if I ever stopped being in love with her. She still means the world to me, and I will never let myself lose her again. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I’ll shout it from the rooftops. Now with her laying beside me, her long blonde hair covering her satin smooth skin, I can’t help the grin that spreads over my lips. This was always something I had dreamt of doing since the first day I met her. When she giggled and swung her golden hair over her shoulder, those hazel eyes shining in the sunlight. She walked with such poise and grace that it would any woman to shame. And now, laying beside me, knowing that I’ve finally had the chance to make it up to her. To mend her heart, or at least take a step in the direction of becoming what we were. I feel my heart jump around in my love blown chest, proof that this really was happening. That this wasn’t just one of my overly vivid dreams. I’ve finally landed that girl of my dreams.

Her breathing slows down, and I can tell she’s asleep. I gently kiss the back of her neck and whisper a quick “I love you.” Because I always have. And I’ll never stop loving her.

I still remember the first time I told her I loved her…

I stumbled into my apartment, slightly drunker than I had left intending to be. Chace followed suit and stumbled in behind me, a bit more sober. "I think you should just move on, man."

I shook my head and sighed. Thoughts of her just kept pouring through my head. All day and all night. When I woke up, there she was. When I went to sleep, there she was. It was as if she was a ghost and was haunting my mind every single second. I shook my head once more, "I can't."

Chace rolled his eyes, fumbling through the fridge. "What are you gonna do about it then? Either fucking call her or move on. There are a hundred girls down the street that are willing to hook up with you."

But it's not her, I thought to myself. Digging through my jean pockets, I retrieved my phone and skimmed through the contacts. When I came onto her name, my movements froze. You can do this man, come on. I took a final deep breath and pressed dial. The line rang for what felt like forever. When I heard her chipper voice, my stomach dropped and thought for a second that I was going to have to actually face her. But when her voice giggled and spoke that she's not really on the phone but instead, partying hard with her friends. I hope that isn't code for partying with a man. I caught my thought and shook my head. Goddammit, Sebastian. You are so fucking petty.

I sighed. "Hey, (Y/N). It's, uh, it's me. Sebastian. Just calling to see how you've been and to see how your parents are doing. Everything is good he-. Fuck it. I can’t lie to you. I miss you so damn much. And you know what, I'm so fucking drunk right now that I could climb fucking Mount Everest and scream at the top of my lungs, until my voice is merely a whisper, that I love you. I fucking love you so much and being apart from you, knowing that you've probably moved on right now, that you're with someone who isn't me, well, it fucking breaks my heart.” I wiped a single tear away from my eye, my mouth a little too dry and my voice a little too shaky. I continue, my heart crashing in on itself. “I just wanna crawl into a ball and cry till there aren't anymore tears. I could fill the whole fucking Atlantic Ocean with the tears that I could cry for you, that I have cried for you. I wish I would've done something different, held onto you a little tighter. I should’ve gave you a reason to hang on, to wait for me. I love you and that's never going to change. I've loved you since the first day we met and I'm going to love you until the last breath in my lungs are gone. And you know what, I'll use those final moments to whisper into the cold, lifeless air that I love you. That even in the after life, wherever that may be, that I'm going to love you even then." I looked to the side and saw Chace throwing up into a garbage can. "Fuck, Chace is heaving. Listen, when you get this message, I really really need you to call me back, okay? I love you, iubito."

I wake up the next afternoon with a ridiculous headache, only remembering bits and pieces. The one thing I remember with absolute clarity, though, is the voicemail I left her last night. I sit up, albeit too quickly, and immediately check my phone. Nothing from (Y/N). Alright, fuck this. At least I’m in the same city as her. I immediately change into jeans and a t shirt because I’m too pissed off and hungover for anything else, and grab my keys and start driving to her place. If she’s not home, I’ll just wait for her.

I go 80 the whole way there without getting stopped by a single cop. I stop in front of her apartment, taking a deep breath before stepping out of the car. I head up to the main gate, buzzing someone else’s name. I lie and tell them I’m delivering Chinese food, and they let me in the complex. I practically sprint up to her door, knocking quickly. She opens it, and as usual, i’m dumbfounded by her beauty.

“Sebastian?” She says, confused, “what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Hey, doll. Listen, I left you a voicemail last night. Did you listen to it?”

She raises an eyebrow, shaking her head, “I went out last night and my purse got stolen, along with my phone.” “FUCK! I yell at the top of my lungs, putting a hand on her door frame. “Of course you did. The same night I decide to fess up the feelings I’ve been holding in for years.”

“Sebastian, what the hell are you talking about? You’re not making any sense.”

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, (Y/N). I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU. YOU RIDICULOUS WOMAN. I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU FOR YEARS. Since the day we met. I’ve always been in love with you. I’ve wanted to tell you so many times, but I’ve been so scared. I wanted to tell you at Disneyland when I kissed you under the fireworks. I wanted to tell you when we were dancing together at prom. I just didn’t know if you felt the same…”

She’s angry now, and she looks like she’s about ready to get in a fistfight, “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, SEBASTIAN? I’ve loved you forever. I thought you knew this whole time. I have never stopped loving you. The first time you kissed me, I felt like I was flying. I never wanted to come down. But guess what, Stan? It’s too fucking late now.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” “I don’t give a shit if you’re in love with me anymore. You’re way too late. You should’ve told me years ago. I can’t do this.”

“Excuse me? How can it possibly be too late?”

“For fuck’s sake, Sebastian, are you really that stupid? You kissed me at prom, made me feel like we really had something, and then the second you got into your fucking acting school, you left me. You left me alone, and I was stuck picking up the pieces. You destroyed me. So yeah, it is too late. I don’t give a fuck about your feelings anymore, because you really never cared about mine.” She slams the door in my face, almost catching my hand in the door.

I sigh, quietly sobbing to myself as I lean against her door, sinking to the floor.

MY Tag List (let me know if you’d like to be added!- if your name is crossed out, it wouldn’t let me tag you):

@sis-tafics @my-emotional-self @thankyouforanonymity @gatorgal94 @supernaturaldean67 @lostinthoughtsandfeelings  @summer-winchester @thevampywitch @princess76179 @srgntjbarnes @white-chocolate-mocha-fan @jcc04220  @lostess-souless @samanddeanmyguardianhunters @ilovethefandomwho @dancer2001 @a-tale-of-two-comics @p-parkerrr @yleryoseeph @magellan-88 @healo-jane

@mizz-kraziii @lostinspace33 @missmoongoddess @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @guera31 @teresaoliva20 @destielinamoose @808shelbsters @demonkitkat @hoe4sebstan @izzy206-2001 @esther-maslow-90 @tinyfistwarrior

@sonofadeanwinchester Tag List:

@shellymaesworld @titty-teetee @pawallday@221bshrlocked @chameerah @buckylicious @nerdywitch