#( and she wasn't even allowed to protect his resting place without being Attacked by the damn humans )

[daybreakrising]

beisht; talk about your husband!!!

She stands amidst the waves, letting the ebb and flow of the tide push and pull at her. She gazes across the wide-open sea with eyes of matching hues, her fingertips trailing just beneath the surface. When she speaks, there is a music to her voice, like a siren song calling down the storm.

"There will never be another like him in this world." A thin veneer of anger lies beneath the weight of grief, a burning rage that refuses to be soothed. "How could any being compare? My Osial was ever a storm, but a storm is not entirely an ill. A storm may rage, may tear up the land, may drag souls to their deaths in wrathful fury, but does not a storm also refresh, renew? Does it not wash away the grime that clings and crowds, and let life shine through?"

Her hands tense, fingers curling into tight fists. The water before her swirls, swirls, until a vortex opens up amidst the waves. Tendrils rise like writhing heads; five in total, an image in miniature of her beloved husband. "Many dismiss him as evil for his deeds, but he is guilty of no more than those he fought against. Why should he not have desired that throne, that seat of power, to be cherished and loved by the people? What made him less worthy of that claim?"

Her head shakes, and she sheds the human disguise for her more natural bipedal form. Pale blue hair cascades down her back to trail within the water, dancing with the swirling waves. "His only crime was to feel, and oh… oh, did he feel. That was always his downfall, you see. Osial could never feel without committing his entire soul. His anger was a maelstrom, his joy a plunging wave. His love…" She pauses, catches a breath, one hand rising from the water to brandish a piece of broken pottery – a curiously mundane trinket to carry, but one she grasps in desperate fingers. "His love was a riptide that swept you along and dragged you under, and you went so willingly because you understood that just as the ocean is cold and unforgiving, so too is it warm and gentle."

She grips the shard of pottery until it cuts deep, viscous water trickling slowly over blue-grey skin. "The ocean was our home, our haven. Now it is his prison, and he is sentenced for daring to love too deeply, for his rightful hurt at being betrayed." She lowers her hand, hydro blood mingling with the waves below. "I will never cease to weep for him. I will shed my tears of anger until they drown this world, until nothing is left but a vast, empty ocean. He was my storm, the tide that carried me home, and now… now I am becalmed."

@csial

[dyns33]

The Mand'alor

HAPPY PEDRO DAY !!!

I wanted to do a tiny bit dark Mand'alor Din Djarin x reader, but the sweet part in me is really bad at this.

The whole galaxy had heard of the Mandalorians and their leader, the terrible Mand'alor, with his shining armor and his darksaber. A group of mercenaries, weapons fanatics, relentless killers.

They had fought against the Empire, they didn't like the Republic very much, and no one really dared to force them to follow the new rules. They had a code of honor, but also a lot of pride and temperament.

Y/N had never seen a Mandalorian. There wasn't much action on her little planet, even during the war. Few people stopped there, unless they had to, to find resources, rest, or hide for a while.

When the little green thing grabbed her leg in the street, she jumped. She almost kicked to get away, but her eyes met the child's, full of fear and hope, and Y/N stopped to lean closer to him.

He didn't speak, either because he was too young or because he used another language, but she couldn't get anything out of him by asking his name or what he was doing here. What was certain was that he was bleeding slightly from his right ear, and that he needed help.

Those who were running after the little one didn't take long to find them, following Y/N to her place. Luckily for her, they were also being followed.

She had never seen a Mandalorian, but she had heard the legends, and she watched this tall, armored man kill the attackers one by one without the slightest difficulty.

As soon as he finished, he approached her, who was holding the child in her arms, ready to defend him against this new threat.

“You’re alright ?” he asked with a calm voice, extending his hand towards the child who fidgeted, wanting to reach him.

"I won't let you hurt him."

"Oh, little me'suum'ika. I would never harm my ad. My son. These cowards pretended to be warriors to come in and kidnap him. Without you… Vor'e, mesh'la ! Thank you. You have all my gratitude. I want to show you all my gratitude, will you come with us ?"

There would have been several reasons to refuse to follow the stranger, clearly dangerous and masked, but the kid seemed to trust him completely, jumping on him as soon as Y/N let go of him a little.

The Mandalorian claimed to be his father, and he acted like one, patting his little head and whispering reassuring words, along with apologies for not having properly protected him.

His invitation was not an obligation, Y/N felt that he would not insist if she refused, but there was nothing very important on her planet, she had no family for a long time, and she never left this place. A little adventure would be fun.

The trip shouldn't last very long, just to please her as a thank you, before moving on.

There were some things she didn't know at the time.

First thing, a Mandalorian never forgot. Mando'ad draar digu. He would never move on.

Second thing, the leader of the Mandalorian forgot even less. Din Djarin, as he entrusted his name to her as an immense privilege, adored his son more than anything in the world. So he held Y/N in high regard for defending him when she didn't know the child and wasn't a fighter.

In addition, little Grogu seemed to have become very attached to her.

The last thing was whispered to her, even though it had been several weeks since she arrived on Mandalore, where she was treated like a true princess. Shyly, she asked when she would return home.

“Aren’t you happy here ?” asked Bo-Katan, the captain of the guard. "A simple word and our Mand'alor will do anything for your pleasure."

"Everything is perfect. I don't want to intrude too long by abusing your hospitality, that's all."

“Has anyone made a comment to you ?”

"No not at all." Y/N replied nervously.

No one said anything, but it was strange to be the only person not wearing armor all the time.

In the interest of fairness, the Mand'alor had allowed those who wished to remove their helmet, but he himself did not remove it in front of anyone, maintaining an old, almost fanatical belief.

However, he had not asked Y/N to convert, drawing the attention of his people to this new woman. They said nothing, but she felt their eyes on her.

“He will kill the first person who dares to criticize you.” Bo-Katan said before speaking lower. "It must be said… There is a werde in him. The sword is heavy to carry."

"I do not know this word."

"Just know that you are important to him. You help him a lot. Stay as long as you want."

It took her a bit longer to understand that she was more or less a prisoner. Free to roam the palace and the city, but not to leave Mandalore. Din Djarin wanted to keep her here.

The looks turned towards her were not full of hatred, but on the contrary of pity, mixed with a certain hope.

Since inheriting the darksaber, their leader was no longer the same. He hadn't completely lost his mind thanks to his son, but he had some moments of extreme, uncontrollable violence.

These attacks had calmed down a bit since Y/N’s arrival. No doubt Din didn't want to scare her or lower her esteem. There were rumors that she was his ori'copaad, which didn't entirely seem like a good thing.

“Uur !” he growled as the Armorer came to see him to talk politics. “I don’t care at all about the Republic.”

"Me too, Mand'alor, but we should receive them. They might try to harm us."

"They can try, they will fail. I have no chaab, none."

"Really, Mand'alor ?"

At that moment, Din turned his head towards Y/N, who was discreetly listening to them from the garden, Grogu snickering in her lap. He remained silent for a moment, before sighing.

"Fine. Contact them."

“Your aliit will be proud of this decision.”

More than not being able to leave, Y/N found this habit they had of going from basic to a language that she didn't understand quite painful. As if they were doing it on purpose.

The Mand'alor was the only one who made an effort with her, translating most of the unknown words. He only kept what seemed like nicknames a mystery.

“What does “mesh’la” mean ?”

“That means you, kar’ta.”

"And that ? What does that mean ?"

“Cyare, you ask a lot of questions.”

“And you don’t give many answers.”

“Mir’sheb.” he sneered, handing hier Grogu. She was the only one to whom he entrusted his son like this. "Your buir is a mir'sheb, like you. Give her a mureyca."

The child's hug, plus all of Din's attention, almost made her want to forgive him. Aside from the fact that she knew she wasn't allowed to leave, nothing made her want to leave.

But Y/N didn’t think she belonged here. She wasn't a Mandalorian, and as a leader, equivalent to a king, Din had no time to waste on her. Maybe she had saved his son, but she wasn't anything special.

Whenever he could escape his responsibilities, he would come with Grogu to watch her play with the child and talk about her.

He had to see that she had nothing interesting to offer.

This was why she tried to flee, by taking a ship. Her father had shown her how to fly before he died, it had been a long time. She therefore had to be discreet to have a maximum head start, to have a chance that they would lose her tracks.

Unfortunately Bo-Kanta had been very serious in telling her that she was important to Din. Her surveillance was as important as it was for Grogu. Her absence was quickly noticed, and reported to the Mand'alor.

Being the best tracker, he personally set out in pursuit, without having to yell at the others not to shoot at the stolen ship. They all knew what they were risking if Y/N got hurt.

"Dank farrik, cyare ! Y/N ! Stop !" She could hear him shouting into the communicator, what sounded like sadness in his voice. "Why are you leaving ? Vhey vencuyot… Cyare… Talk to me, tell me what's going on !"

It was very dangerous but she managed to lose him by passing through an asteroid field. Since it would be too obvious that she was going to return to her planet, she headed to a small system, landing on Tatooine.

Yet she had heard the legends. You couldn't escape the Mandalorians, and even less the Mand'alor.

This time, when a hand grabbed her arm, she didn't hold her foot. But beskar was a hard metal, and she probably did more harm to herself than to Din, who let go of her all the same, surprised by her reaction.

He didn't attempt to touch her again, simply following her as she ran through the alleys, begging her to listen to him.

Her run ended in a dead end, and that didn't seem to surprise the Mandalorian. He obviously knew this planet.

"Cyare… Why are you running from me ? Grogu misses you a lot. You… My commander told me that you can ignore what you really represent, but I don't dare believe that."

"I don't understand."

"Oh, mesh'la… As soon as I saw you with my son, I knew that my heart was yours, that I couldn't live without knowing that you were happy and safe. The missing part of my clan, of my life. Nor ceta, Y/N. I thought my intentions were clear. Will you forgive me ? Will you accept… Come home with me, gedet'ye. I beg you."

After everything he had done, she wasn't sure he would take no for an answer. But Din had never hurt her since they met. He had always been gentle and patient. If she could have seen his face, it would probably have been more obvious that he was looking at her with complete devotion.

Seeing that she didn't say no, he approached slowly, until his helmet touched her forehead. She then heard him sigh in relief.

Y/N had seen some Mandalorians do this. Bo-Katan had explained that it was a mirshmure'cya, a keldabe kiss. A very important form of privacy for those of them who did not remove their full armor.

She wondered if she would ever see him if she stayed. For a while she had imagined his face, until he told her that Grogu had been adopted. It would be a terrible offense to ask him for this sacrifice. But he asked him to stay locked up in his palace.

"I would like to see you." she whispered, trying not to tremble.

"See me ?"

"Yes. I mean, I like you a lot. I like Grogu. But I would like to know what you look like."

“Will that change anything ?”

"… No." Y/N said honestly. “I’m just curious.” To see his face, but also if he would do this for her, he who said he would do anything.

There was a moment of silence, of hesitation. Then Din nodded, reaching for his helmet to remove it. Immediately, Y/N placed her hands on his to stop him.

"But… Your vows…"

"Cyare. My sweet cyare. I have the right to remove my helmet in front of my aliit. You have been part of my clan since the moment our paths crossed."

“But you’ve never done this before.”

"I didn't dare… I didn't want to disappoint you and… I wanted to wait for our riduurok. I haven't properly wooed you for that yet."

"If you are… If you are sure, show me."

“Anything for you, cyare.”

He was younger than she had imagined. More handsome too, with his black eyes and his little intimidated, almost frightened pout. Din let her look at him without moving, displaying an expression of complete satisfaction when she touched his cheek.

He only stopped her when she tried to kiss him.

"Not here."

"Why not ?"

"I wouldn't be able to control myself. And I'd rather we were at home than in a dark alley for that."

The entire galaxy heard of the Mand'alor's marriage to the woman who had saved his son. The only two people who didn't risk his fury, who had some control over him, and for whom he was ready to burn everything if anything happened to them.

Some madmen tried to approach his clan, as they had tried to take Grogu. Rumors of what had happened to them were enough to stop all further attempts.

Even after Y/N managed to convince Din to bring her with him to the few extra-planetary missions he carried out, because she could no longer stand the life of a stay-at-home queen.

"No."

"Please."

"No."

“He’ll bang on the glass until you do.”

“Pato.” Grogu confirmed, fidgeting in his mother's arms.

"… Fine. But this is the last time."

“Of course, riduur.”

“Cyare.” Din purred, a hand settling on her leg, as he activated hyperspace to please their child.

[cassiaratheslytherpuff]

No Other Sadness in the World Would Do

For Prongsfoot week day 7 - write anything for this ship

Warnings: MCD, canon compliant, suicidal thoughts, unrequited love On October 31st 1981, Voldemort attacked the Potters. This is what happened after.

Sirius knew, somewhere deep down, what he would find when he pulled up to James and Lily's house. He had felt it, like a knife to the chest – half his heart shrinking in on itself in terror, then going still. Quiet, far too quiet. Still, seeing large parts of the wall on the south side of the second floor missing hit him hard. Harry's bedroom. Neither James nor Lily would have allowed anyone into Harry’s room if they were still alive and breathing. And yet – he had to know for sure. The hope burned in his chest like acid because it was false. He knew it was false, and yet… it was James. Sirius didn’t think the world would keep existing if James no longer did. So maybe – somehow, he’d be alright.

The front door was ajar, and Sirius pushed it open with his foot. He didn't make it more than a step inside before he fell to his knees. James. He looked like himself, even in death. His glasses were smudged but unbroken, his brown eyes open wide and staring into nothing. His skin was pale, his mouth slightly open – as if he'd been halfway through a word when Voldemort killed him.

"No," Sirius choked out. His voice was raw, reflecting a brokenness he knew would never be repaired. He shook his head in mute denial. James couldn’t be – it wasn’t possible. James was so alive. He should never be this still. It was wrong.

Read the rest on A03 OR

Sirius gasped for air. Every cell in his body was protesting being alive in a world where James wasn't. Sirius wouldn't do it, couldn't do it. Without James he was half a person. Less than half a person, he wasn't sure he was anything at all. He didn't think he wanted to be.

Slowly, carefully, Sirius reached out a trembling hand to remove James’s glasses. He placed his hand on James’s face, which felt colder than it should be, and gently closed his eyes for the last time.

Unable to resist, Sirius placed a soft kiss on James’s slightly parted lips. His tears dripped off his nose and onto James’s cheek, and he wiped it carefully off.

"I love you," Sirius said. Minutes too late for James to hear, years too late for it to matter.

He moved James’s arms from the position that would have been uncomfortable, had he been alive, and realised in the process that James hadn't even paused to get his wand. Had just thrown himself in-between Voldemort and the people he loved most without a second thought.

A strange peace came over Sirius then, he knew what he had to do. He would find Peter, kill him, and then follow James to wherever it was he had gone. There was nothing for him in the world if there was no James. He knew it wasn't what James wanted, but James didn't understand. James didn't see how he was the centre of Sirius’s universe, and that without him Sirius was untethered. He couldn't do anything but follow.

A whimper from upstairs made Sirius jump. The soft sound quickly turned into a loud, soul-crushing scream. Harry! Harry was alive. Sirius scrambled to his feet at took the stairs three at a time, crashing into the doorframe and nearly tripping over Lily's body in his rush to get to the crib. And there was Harry. His face was covered in blood and tears as he screamed to his mum, clearly not understanding why she wasn't responding.

Harry. The gravitational force that had tied Sirius to James shifted. How could he follow James when Harry was still here? Harry needed him. He picked Harry out of his crib, feeling his world shift and settle on a singular goal; protect Harry.

The relief of finding Harry alive broke through the numbness Sirius had surrounded himself with the second he looked into James’s unseeing eyes – and for a moment he couldn’t do anything more than hold Harry tight to his chest and sob into his hair. Sirius felt lost. He had to figure out what to do. It wouldn’t be long until someone discovered what had happened. And as far as Dumbledore and Remus knew, Sirius was the secret-keeper. As far as they knew, Sirius had been the one to betray James. In a way he had. Suggesting they change to Peter had been – it was unforgivable. But Sirius couldn’t plan. Couldn’t think. Not when all he could see was James, eyes staring into nothing. Lily, crumpled on the floor.

Sirius tightened his grip on Harry and walked downstairs. He cleaned the cut on Harry’s forehead and healed it to the best of his ability. It would scar, but if Sirius’s suspicions were right, it was from a killing-curse – a scar was getting off easy. Harry fussed and cried for his mum and dad, and Sirius’s heart crumbled more with each broken sob from the boy. He held Harry in his arms and walked the length of the living room again and again, trying to soothe him. When Harry fell into a fitful sleep, Sirius didn’t know how to stop his pacing. If he stopped; he might fall apart. James was gone. Gone. He couldn’t believe it, couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact. Surely, James would open the door to the living room at any moment – demanding his son back and laughing about the terrible prank he’d pulled.

As much as Sirius couldn’t believe it, he still felt it – the aching absence. The world had gone dark the second James drew his last breath, and Sirius didn’t think it would ever regain its colour. He hated that Harry had to grow up like this, in a world of dulled colours and muffled laughter. That he would never again know his vibrant and lovely father. The man Sirius loved more than anything.

Time moved in a strange rhythm, and Harry woke as the sun started shining through the windows. Sirius hadn’t put him down, hadn’t slept – but he had, at some point during the night, sat down in the chair James always favoured. It still smelled of him, and Sirius wanted to sink into the fabric and remain there.

Harry made a noise of complaint and Sirius forced himself to look down at the child, tried to force a smile and failed miserably.

“Right,” Sirius said, surprised at the roughness of his voice. “Food.”

Sirius was feeding Harry the last spoonful of porridge when Hagrid arrived. Sirius tensed, but the man smiled through his tears upon seeing him – and Sirius knew nobody had told him who the secret-keeper was supposed to be.

“Oh, good,” Hagrid said. “He’s alright.”

Sirius nodded. He should have left when he had the chance. Should have taken Harry and run as far as they could.

Sirius nodded. Neither of them was alright, but Harry was alive.

Hagrid shook his head, fat tears dripping down his cheeks. “I can’t believe it. James and Lily…”

Sirius gritted his teeth. He couldn’t hear it. “Don’t,” he managed.

Hagrid seemed to get it, nodded.

“Dumbledore sent me to get him,” he said, nodding at the child in Sirius’s arms.

Sirius shook his head. “No.”

Hagrid blinked, clearly surprised that anyone would argue with the old Headmaster.

Sirius shook his head again. “I’m his godfather. He’s staying with me.”

“He needs to be kept safe, Dumbledore said,” Hagrid explained.

Sirius sighed. Safe from him, most likely. Dumbledore thought he’d sold out James – Remus would think so too. Sirius wasn’t sure who else thought he was the secret-keeper, but they’d spread the rumour. It would be enough. People would be coming for him, in not too long. Could he really take Harry on the run with him? Was that any kind of life?

“’s in his blood or summat,” Hagrid said. “Lily’s blood will keep him safe – he’ll be goin’ to his aunt an’ uncle to be kept safe.”

Lily’s blood – had she… she must have – how else would Harry had survived the killing curse? It was powerful magic. Lily had never spoken much of her sister, though Sirius knew they lost touch as children. Maybe – would it be better? Harry could grow up with his aunt and uncle, could live in a stable home with Lily’s protection keeping him safe. Or he could – what? Go on the run with Sirius? What kind of life was that?

Hagrid seemed to see he was hesitating. He placed a hand on Sirius’s shoulder, offering him a sad smile. “I know yeh love him,” he said. “But Dumbledore knows what’s best. Let me take him to safety.”

Sirius found himself nodding, even as everything in him screamed no. No, Harry was his. James and Lily had chosen him. But hey hadn’t known what they were signing up for, hadn’t understood how little would remain of Sirius with James gone. Who was he to raise a child? He would damage the poor kid beyond repair. He had no idea where to even start.

“Fine,” Sirius said – pulling the cloak of numbness over himself again. This was for the best. Harry would be safe – happy. And Sirius could follow James. Hopefully, James would forgive him.

Hagrid held out his arms, and Sirius eyed the pink umbrella sceptically. “How are you getting him there?”

“Well, I Apparated here,” Hagrid admitted. “Thought I could jus–,”

“No,” Sirius said, wincing at the idea of little Harry splinched by a botched Apparition with a broken wand. “My bike is outside. You can have it.”

Hagrid opened his eyes wide. “But – you love that bike.”

Sirius nodded. He’d loved a lot of things about the bike, mostly though, he’d loved sharing it with James. “I don’t have much need for it anymore. Take it – get Harry where he’s going safely.”

On the morning of November 2nd Harry was woken by Petunia Dursley's scream. Her shrill voice would wake him every day for the next ten years. After reading the letter she picked up the basket and deposited it in the cupboard underneath the stairs – this was the last time anyone ever picked him up, until Hagrid carried him from the woods 16 years later.

In the evening of November 2nd, Sirius found Peter. Mad with rage and grief he tried to duel the man he had called a friend, but the coward set off an explosion instead of facing what he had done. Sirius turned his wand on himself, but Aurors disarmed him before he could speak. They doused him with Veritaserum in lieu of a trial, and asked if he was responsible for the death of James and Lily Potter. The Veritaserum forced the only truth Sirius knew from his lips: yes, he was.

On the third of November – his birthday – Sirius screamed himself into an exhausted sleep. He would so every night for the next 12 years. The dementors never robbed him of the love he felt for James because nothing they could conjure hurt as much as loving James when he was gone.

Twelve years later, Sirius learned Harry hadn’t been better off. Learned he hadn’t been safe or happy with his aunt and uncle. He tried everything he could to make up for it, tried to look at Harry and see Harry, not James. But they were so alike, and his mind so broken – it didn’t always work.

In the end, fourteen years after James and Lily left them, after Sirius left Harry. Sirius fell through the Veil – and he was surprised. Not just by the fact he would die, but by the fear he felt at the idea. He’d felt James’s absence like a pulsating wound for years, but he would be leaving Harry again. Harry, who was his world. In the end, Sirius was gone before he could hear Harry’s broken screams – the pleading for Sirius to get up – to come back.

[sunny6677]

ALRIGHT SO EPIC X SPOOKY MONTH AU!!

Part 1: The Troy Saga/Or this AU's equivalent of that Saga.

@mayisgoingnuts @merwynpersonalhub @catsockpuppet @luzxii @matcharabbit

Summary:

Lila tries to get back to her town after something forces her, her son, and the entire rest of the faces in town that she knows to evacuate briefly. But the journey on the ship back home ends up being longer than expected, and brings Lila an unimaginable experience of distress and survival she hadn't before.

Okay—so this AU begins when a certain incident in town that may or may not involve the cult forces everyone to evacuate. They're originally all gonna just drive outta there—but the government in the town ends up insisting that they all go to this one place instead for now on, and said one place is literally miles away. So they're all forced to go on a ship with no need to pay whatsoever—and for a few days out at sea, they sail until they reach the specific place—which is far away enough to apparently be safe. After a few days of mysterious silence and Lila mainly being worried because she secretly has a feeling she know what's going on (everyone else being worried as well, but mainly John & Lila)—the ship comes back for them to take them back. They all get on the ship, and prepare to sail back home, which leads into the entirety of the AU.

However, uh.. while Lila was in the place for a few days, she heard a sudden mysterious deep voice speak to her? Saying that it was tasking her with dealing with a dangerous threat right then and now since it could only be dealt with then. Despite being afraid, she felt compelled to listen when it said that by doing this, she could protect her son from no future. So after following the voice into where it guided her, she expected to find a foe.. only to find an infant instead. According to the voice, the infant in question is apparently the son of a very dangerous person—who will also likely die to her hands. She's very distressed by this obviously, and the voice basically tells her if she doesn't kill the infant NOW, the infant will grow into an enraged man who will be so determined to avenge his father that he'll walk the entire world just to find and kill her for what she's gonna do to his dad. She tries to find some way out of this, but she's unable, and the voice even manages to lock the door to convince her further. After desperate begging, she caves in. And after hesitating, she reluctantly grabs the baby, and throws it out the window onto the ground. She ends up being transported back to her house when she does this though, the voice protecting her from ever being found out. Wracked with guilt, she's very obviously bothered for a few days, but comes across an ominous man who she later finds out is actually behind a cult. She can't allow him to get away, so she calls the police, but he finds out and tries to attack her. She ends up killing him while defending herself. This man was the guy she was apparently gonna kill btw, and was the father of the infant she was made to murder.

When they get back on the ship though as I mentioned, Lila is still not doing well, but she's relieved to be going back home and taken care of by the staff on the ship. However, John ends up noticing that there must be something wrong with the food (food poisoning), and the kitchen staff notices, so they try figuring out what to do or why the foods all poisoned. Which is weird because it wasn't even bad before.

However, as they sail and as some people on the ship start to panic about the food (Kevin, Carmen, etc), they see an island in the distance. They obviously aren't gonna stop there.. at least Lila doesn't think so, until it suddenly directly stops at the island without warning. Everyone is confused, and so is the staff, and they end up finding that the person driving the ship is acting very weird all of the sudden. Almost high? He even appears to be holding some weird purple fruit. In any case, the ship appears to be stuck, and they all want food, andddd.. on an island, there's usually food. So some of them start to maybe consider looking on the island while the staff tries to figure out what to do.

John, and Jack—being the literal police officers there, decide to head into the island themself. With Lila also possibly volunteering to do so, so she can find safe food for her son. So the three head in—wondering around and trying to find food. Jack begins to try cheering John up though, telling him he notices how stressed he's been lately and kinda helping to encourage him. John seems insistent that he's fine. They both almost split with Lila to find food, and they do, but when they meet back up—they all hear a crowd of voices coming from the bushes, simply saying in an alien-like way, "WELCOME."

They all get very afraid by this, and hold out their respective 'weapons'—John and Jack holding out guns, while Lila holds out a ruler. Several eyes appear all at once. John tries threatening them, but the eyes have no reaction. Johns stomach growls though unfortunately. They begin to hear shuffling sounds and get ready to fight, only for a bowl of strange fruit that resembles the one the person piloting the ship ate to roll out in front of them.

Despite being confused and even afraid by this, Jack reluctantly thanks the strange eyes, and they all vanish at once. After feeling safe, they all try roaming through the island again and escaping that area from fear of what the fuck just happened, but John notices the similarity in fruit to the one they saw, piecing together what might have happened to the captain and also what might happen if THEY eat it./lh

They end up maybe holding off on eating the fruit for now, and eventually, they discover these lil guys/creatures that resemble dogs almost eating the fruit happily. These appear to be the same creatures that spoke to them before judging by the voices. But Jack finds em so cute he can't really be angry with them anymore. So after John almost threatens them, Jack asks if they know of somewhere they could get food. The creatures answer that there's a cave, so he asks where that cave is, and they say east. He asks a few more questions about it, before informing John & Lila—saying they'll have to get someone to sail east once the ship becomes unstuck. They're both reluctant about this, but agree anyway for the sake of maybe finding food.

Jack also ends up asking the creatures if they can maybe help with the ship, to which they surprisingly answer that they can and follow them all the way back to the ship.

However, Lila ends up suddenly getting an odd feeling as she's following Jack & John. Time appears to slow, and everything around has stopped. She looks around, only to see a bird-like almost feminine looking entity approach from the forest. She's threatened by the entity, but the entity says it means no harm, and seems to somehow know her name. It's not the same entity as the voice because this entity's voice sounds more feminine. She asks what it wants, and it says it doesn't want anything, but it advises Lila to be more wise about trust and that if she wants to 'get back home alive', then she better be more careful. This is very ominous, but Lila takes this in anyway and considers it. The entity then gives advice, saying to let the creatures get the ship unstuck, and then to stop at the first cave they find. It also advises to be VERY quiet, or cautious whenever they find it—but doesn't say why. It ominously says to not dissapoint it, and then time becomes normal again as the entity suddenly vanishes. Jack asks if she's okay as the creatures crawl out to the ship to get it unstuck, and while Lila is in shock, she reluctantly answers that she is okay.

The creatures manage to get the ship unstuck while everyone on the ship kinda freaks out over whatever they are, and after getting it unstuck, the three get back on the ship and inform them what the creatures advised to do.

[deviantartdramahub]

DeviantArt - Discover The Largest Online Art Gallery and Community

What the fuck is this nonsense? frigidhermitprincess admits to having done a roleplay with Club-Dreamiverse, but then complains about another one they did together? Is she blind or something, or did she not read the comments from the past? He has already said many times that his roleplay is based on people accepting people who have autism. But she took it out of context and made it sound like a twisted creepy grooming fetish or something, indicating that she is one of those people who thinks autism is a disease, like what the fuck you piece of shit!

Being autistic does not mean you have an illness or disease. It means your brain works in a different way from other people's. It's something you're born with. Signs of autism might be noticed when you're very young or not until you're older. If you're autistic, you'll be autistic for the rest of your life.Autism is not a medical condition with treatments or a "cure." But some people need support to help them with certain things. And if that wasn't bad enough, she then goes on to attack Triagonal, claiming she is a paedophile without anything to back it up other than some rather out of context bullshit when Triagonal asked if there were any shipping options, such as how she would fucking get the fanfic she requested. To me, this must have been an actual paperback or hardcover book; otherwise, I highly doubt Tri would have even asked about the option at all! And need I remind anybody that DeviantArtDramaNow is a pissant shithole blog that fucking specialises in terrorism as well as propaganda? For example, the Co-Founder, who is a fucking drug abuser, claimed I was defending paedophiles because I debunked and proved that her shitblog was lying about Tri. And there is also the fact that the Co-Founder, aka. Morothais, is also protecting a catfish sexual predator named BirdThatWhispers, aka. AnimeCitizen, or whatever name he goes by now! Who was seen and caught forcing a 14-year-old girl into a spanking fetish after previously forcing a girl into his favourite fetish, tenical porn! Sadly, the second girl took her own life a week after she told me she would have loved to work with me on an anime one day, but then, after about a week, I never heard from her again. It was confirmed in the news that she had died by her own hand. Thanks to that rat-faced motherfucking cunt! THAT! And Tri, along with other friends of mine who are also being forced to share that fate, is why I'm so fucking enraged at those cunts over on DeviantArtDramaNow, and Bird, and Eve... They'd say otherwise because they know they've lost their grip on us!

Amen to all that. Autism is as valid as its alternatives. Someone with autism can be as much to a society as anyone else. Aristotle was said to have autism, two other examples of such people being Jordan Peterson and Satoshi Tajiri, the maker of Pokémon. Maligning it leads to the destruction of its people.

I (unlike many people, namely all entities mentioned in the linked reply chain, which everyone should be reminded only has screenshots) don't claim to know everything about what's going on, but in the spirit of the justice and peace-making done here in this Tumblr group, if Club-Dreamiverse is able to use Tumblr (or send a proxy to do the following), he is allowed to make a case for himself.

Triagonal on the other hand has been my username (still is, I kept many of my features because my departure was based on a misunderstanding) and I can at least speak for myself, starting with asking if what frigidhermitprincess said is an attack on an aspiringly merciful judge (as I am the judge of this group). To respond to her accusation towards me, I'm asexual. I didn't know it was still common for skeptics of asexuality to claim asexuals are closeted predators; I know in some places this is a hate crime (but as seem to be shown in all of these DA links, we can only hope the latter's followers would care).

She too isn't unwelcome to make her case here, where it would be viewed under a fairer microscope.

[chuckbass-love]

Hi can you do one where during sex Steve Rodgers says the wrongs name please🥰👀

A/N: Omg no but like the way he would panic so badly about this. Of course i had to write this, although i have changed what i would have initially written because i wanna switch it up. I was going to do it as a HC but i don't do those and i'm terrible at them so it's going to be a regular fic if that's okay.

Also want to say that it’s taken me ten times longer to get this out due to a blunder the other night. I had finished this fic and was putting my tags in, but when i came to do this, i minimised Tumblr on Chrome, not realising that the site refreshes. It got rid of the last half of the fic. However, i’ve re written what i lost and i hope it’s still as good. Thank you for reading.

Disclaimer: My work is not to be translated or to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad or Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Little!Fem!Reader

Summary: Throughout your time with Steve, you've always felt his heart wasn't in it, that he belonged to another. During an intimate moment, he proved you right. But is all lost between the two of you?

Warnings: Angst, smut, protected sexual intercourse, swearing and just very tense and sad. Not really 18+ but because of the tiny ounce of smut 18+ it is.

Word Count: 7,055

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @valdomarx go check them out.

Back To December

It was a cold December night and hushed laughter bounced off of the walls of The Avengers compound in the dead of the night as yourself and Steve attacked each others faces, kissing and removing items of clothing as he walked you backwards to his room that should have really been considered your room too.

You had been in the living room reading alone, with absolutely no distractions until he strutted in, looking as gorgeous as ever.

Upon his return from being on the run, you found Steve to be very different from the man you came to fall in love with before he went away. It was as though he let go of all inhibitions and allowed himself to really live, or live as best as he could whilst remaining incognito.

He flashed you a genuine smile before turning his back to you, allowing you to continue reading without interrupting whilst he made himself a cup of coffee.

But as it always had been with yourself and Steve ever since the two of you first crossed paths, it was impossible to stop yourselves from naturally gravitating toward one another like there was this magnetic pull, urging you on.

So you put the bookmark in and placed it down onto the coffee table before you rose to your feet and began to pad bare foot over to him.

You snaked your hands around his muscular and toned frame as your head rested onto his sweater clad back. Your hands couldn't help but roam before eventually resting on his impressive pecs.

"Little one..." he warned, but you paid him no mind.

"I just want to be close to you is all, Steve"

He seemed to accept your response as he made his coffee with little to no effort to remove you. You were stuck to him, like a Koala.

As he finished up, he led you back over to the couch where you snuggled up to him, taking the time to inhale his masculine and intoxicating scent. The two of you stayed seated that way until his hand began to roam too, much likes yours only seconds prior.

The thing with yourself and Steve was that ever since you first met, you were more than aware of his heart permanently being attached to Peggy, he pined after her and part of him still did.

Intimate moments had always been very few and far between but after his return to you that had lessened even more so. But what Steve hadn’t told you was that the time away had brought him back to the Steve he was when he first met Peggy. He constantly wondered what she would make of what he'd made of his life, or how they would have progressed had they had the time to see where things could have led.

But none of that lessened his love for you. It was real, very real and he adored the bones of you. You chose to love him when he felt the most alone, you accepted his broken shell and loved him back to life.

Is it even possible to love two people? Clearly so.

However, the main question was, what kind of love did he feel for you? But most importantly what kind of love did he feel for his past life and Peggy?

If he were to answer honestly, he'd say he loved you, loved everything about you and he'd even say that you were his rock, his world. But he’d also say that he loved Peggy too, that she was a very significant part of his old life and it would be strange if he didn’t miss that.

For so long the what if's had haunted him and the time he had on the run only amplified that.

As soon as your body hit the bed he was stripping himself of the rest of his clothes, he completely discarded his coffee in the lounge the moment things turned heated.

After his hand wondered, he started slow by kissing you, pecking at your lips until you pulled him closer for more. Your hands cupped his face as he explored your mouth with his tongue.

All of this led to you laying underneath him that night, mercilessly and submitting to him, allowing him to really take you as his and do anything he wanted.

The memories flood his mind of the events that followed...

Steve stares down at you, pupils dilating at the mere sight of you beneath him, waiting patiently and half naked. God does he love you, he loves you so much that if he ever lost you he’d rather die. 

He can recall the early stages of dating you, the endless nights he’d stay up trying to figure out a way to ask you out. He remembers thinking that if you had ended up rejecting him then he’d refuse to show his face around you until his embarrassment faded. But luckily for him, you accepted, rather excitedly in fact.

“I’ve missed this” you breathe, running your hands through his beautiful locks as he unclasps your bra, tossing it down to the floor carelessly. 

“Missed what?” his mouth immediately latches onto your breasts, sucking one nipple into his mouth and flicking his tongue, hardening the peak further as you arch into him helplessly. His mouth feels so good, you can’t get enough of it, it’s like a drug. 

“This, us. You”  somehow he just knew, without you even uttering another word, he knew. He could sense what you meant just by how you said it and how you forced him to look at you. 

He’s missed you too, the lack of intimacy had you worried for a moment, well a little more than a moment but still. He’s now proving just how he feels for you with his actions, the kisses are deep and filled with passion and the look in his eyes matches.

“I’ve missed you too, i’m sorry i’ve been so distant” his apology causes an ache to rush through your heart at lightning speed until it’s gone, leaving you wondering if you even felt it. 

You pull him closer, if that’s even possible, close enough to wrap your body around his. Arms wrapped around his neck loosely, legs hooked around his waist with your ankles locked, cementing the two of you together.

“I love you, Y/N. So much” 

“I know. And i love you, Steve” you say it slow, taking the time to really look into his eyes, your love for him is abundantly clear, more so in fact. As is his for you. 

Or so you think

He continues to kiss you, working his way down from your lips to your other breast, showing it the same attention as the other one and taking his time to really live in this moment. No rushing, no quickies, just you and him in his bed alone and loving one another.

You reach down, grasping his hard length in your small hand and wrapping it around him gently, pumping him agonisingly slow before flipping the two of you over so that you’re on top, straddling. 

Steve watches you intently and adoringly as you shimmy down until you’re knelt between his legs on his perfectly made bed. He always has been a perfectionist, a quality you loathe and find endearing simultaneously. 

Before he can comprehend what’s happening, you’re sucking on his eager red tip, the pre cum now on your tongue, a salty tang that you’ve more than missed, his taste. 

“Ugh, little one” he rasps, his voice barely above a whisper, the two of you trying so hard to keep the noise down, wanting to avoid your fellow Avengers from hearing. Especially Vision and Sam either side of Steve’s room. Not the best circumstances. Should have just taken it back to your room, Wanda is a heavy sleeper after all, she’d never hear a thing. 

Steve wraps your hair up in his hands, holding it into a makeshift ponytail as he guides your head nervously. 

Despite his inhibition free life, he’s still the same Steve that he was way before you. The clueless Steve who got so nervous his hands couldn’t stop shaking, leading to your heads butting before your first kiss. 

The way your tongue is pressing on the underside of him, licking and flicking against him as you start to bob your head up and down, it’s making him lose all efforts to keep quiet. 

Hence why you reach your hand up, pressing over his mouth.

“Can’t wake everyone else now, can we Stevie?” his head shakes, his agreement. So you decide to pull off of him with a pop and crawl back up to straddle him once more, feeling his hands glide across your thighs before they settle and splay across the soft globes of your ass in those sexy white laced panties of yours. The mere sight of you in lingerie get’s him every time but he would be lying if he didn’t admit that he prefers you completely naked.

To your surprise, you barely manage to do a thing before you’re under him again, squealing at the shock of it. His hands roam your body, every inch far from touch starved. 

“God, i love you. I love you i love you i love you” he coos, his mouth leaving sloppy kisses along your skin as he works his way down to your sex. A fire ignites as soon as he reaches your mound, the soaked panties covering your modesty are soon ripped to shreds. Dating a super soldier can be great, sometimes, you guess. 

The giggle you let out soon fades as his mouth attacks your pussy with feverish need. He’s obsessed, inhaling your scent and tasting you like you’re his only meal, his last to be exact, it’s sexy and it feels way too good.

“Steve, i need you” emphasis on the word need, you mean it with every part of you. The craving is so intense that you feel as though you could turn feral any second.

“Patience, please” 

He’s not over tasting you, drinking down your arousal as it pours endlessly from your pussy like a fountain.

Your back arches and your fingers run through his hair whilst he grips your thighs, draping them over his shoulders where you clamp down onto his head. Your body wriggling and writhing as the impending orgasm approaches, consuming you entirely. Your toes curl in slow motion, waves of pleasure soak you deliciously and you jolt at the sensitivity of your pussy, although he seems to be too focused on drinking you dry.

“Steve” you groan, elongating his name so that it almost sounds musical, your sounds just a beautiful song to his ears that he could spend forever listening to.

His response comes in the form of his open mouthed sloppy kisses as he starts to make his way back up your body, taking his time, his boastful moans and smug grin showing, he’s barely able to contain how good it makes him feel to pleasure you.

Even since day one, he’s never been one to shy away from it, it was the first intimate act he performed on you and with your instructions, he mastered it easily. You found yourself reaching your first orgasm with him in no time. 

It always bewildered you how pre serum, Steve never had much luck with the ladies, he had the personality to knock most men out of the water and still always came second best to them. But now with you, he sees the potential he’s always had, the romance to woo you, the kindness and gentlemanly traits that should have won him first place all that time ago. 

Peggy was the first to see that in him, you seeing it only confirmed all the things he thought he could be. Now he believes it himself. 

“You don’t play around, do you?” you whisper, licking your lips as your eyes drift to his, your slick covering them along with his chin and your taste on his breath turns you on all the more. 

“You drive me crazy” he confesses, bringing you in for a sloppy tongue filled kiss, his gliding over yours just right, your taste filling your own mouth, causing you to pull him closer to deepen it. You can’t get enough. He smells of you, tastes of you. You are one with him.

“Think you’re ready for me, baby?” 

“I think we should really get on with it, don’t you? I barely kept my mouth closed just now and i already know Sam is struggling to sleep”

“Ain’t that right” you hear Sam’s muffled agreement which pulls laughter from the two of you. 

Steve just nods, reaching for a condom and sliding it on before hovering above you, his bulging biceps either side of your head keeping him up. 

You lift your legs up for him, spreading them and wrapping them around him teasingly whilst his hand reaches down to spread your arousal around your pussy before resting himself at your entrance.

Once his eyes meet yours, you give him the nod to let him know that you want this as much as he does, if not more. The signal turns green and he slowly eases his erection inside of you, taking his time to ensure he’s not too rough, the time for that will come when the entire compound isn’t fast asleep. Tonight is about romance and loving one another.

He’s halfway in and you’re toes are already curling, the feel of him filling you to the brim is delicious, it’s everything and in times like these, you feel even closer to him. You feel your love for him bursting at the seams, the passion fuelling your body and urging you on to act out of the norm, out of the norm that you used to slip into so easily before him. After him, there’s just after and you cannot tell for the life of you where he ends and you begin. 

Bottoming out inside of you, Steve pants before lowering himself to wrap you around him even more, just wanting to feel close to you.

You can’t believe your luck, to have him in your life as a friend was great enough but when he became yours officially, you felt on top of the world. You still have to pinch yourself sometimes.

Is he real?

Is he really yours?

Of course he is. But it all feels surreal. 

Sweet nothings are whispered as he starts to thrust, dragging his impressive size in and out of you, gliding over your walls as you tighten and clench around him keeping him locked inside, begging him to never leave. 

I love you’s are exchanged, letting all of your insecurities of him not wanting you the way you want him fade away, he does want you and here is the proof. 

Uncertainty leaves, soon to return at some point surely. However, in this moment with him, you don’t care. His hands on you, his breath fanning your neck as he buries his face in the crook of it, placing kisses and nipping at the sensitive skin. He’s sure to leave marks all along your neck up to your jaw at this rate. 

Not that you’d care for it, it would just be further proof that he’s yours and you’re his. 

The snap of his hips grows faster gradually until before you know it, he’s rutting into you aggressively and the impending orgasm is sure to blow your mind. You don’t think you can wait until he’s ready but just as that thought forms, it leaves. His grunts escape, so close together as his brows furrow, he’s close too. 

You suddenly feel the need to hold on escape your body and the moment you arch your back, your hips move on their own accord with him to meet his movements. You reach your peak, orgasm consuming your entire body undoubtedly. 

That’s when he stops kissing your neck, his body stilling as he twitches inside of you.

“Steve” you moan whisper-like, resting your hand at the nape of his neck, cooing a little to ease him through his own orgasm.

“I can’t control myself when it comes to you, i can’t stop wanting you”

His words warm you.

“I love you, Peggy” 

Your body freezes, your hand falls from his neck, everything blurs, your eyes fill with tears threatening to spill. But you refuse to let them go without a fight.

Peggy, the woman that has had a hold on Steve ever since he met her. She’s never left and you knew this from day one, yet you knew he also loved you, he loved you deeply and he still does. But it’s clear the lack of intimacy lately has been due to her being on his mind, more so than usual.

“Y/N” his words are meaningless as you push him off of you and slip off of the bed to retrieve your clothes from his bedroom floor. Your room is on the other side of the compound and now you have to do the walk of shame. Shameful in more ways than one but most of all, you’re heartbroken. 

Her name escaping his lips during such an intimate moment, the first one for the two of you in a long time, it’s bound to hurt, to cripple you. Your heart is shattering into a million tiny pieces, unfixable.

You’ve always prided yourself on being unbreakable, cold and almost stone-like but Steve broke down those walls so embarrassingly easy that you learnt to trust him. Now those walls are down and you’re vulnerable, available for people to take advantage of. 

He sighs, getting off of the bed and wrapping his hand around your wrist to get you to stop. But as you look at him, you realise the tears betrayed you by falling without you giving them permission to show how affected you are.

“It’s okay, Steve. I understand, let me go” breaking your own heart even further if that’s even possible, just by uttering those words. Because it’s not okay, it’s not okay in the slightest, to have his heart in two different lifetimes, the one he had with her and the one he now has with you.

Bucky warned you about this, hell, everyone did. But Bucky was the first.

“He’s not over her” he told you “he loves her and he always will” yet you didn’t listen, because you’re stupid and you let your heart lead you into a compromising and fatal situation. Heartbreak feels like a near death experience, a never ending panic attack and right now you’re struggling to breathe, to find your centre. You’re in a car that’s tumbling over and over until you’re heartbeat stops and before you know it an ambulance is pronouncing you dead at the scene. Or in this case, in reality, dead at the foot of Steve Roger’s bed. 

You pull your wrist free from his lying grip before storming out and making your way to your room, sobs escaping uncontrollably, not giving two fucks who you wake at this time of night. You’re hurting and everyone will soon know what happened, mostly due to the walls being incredibly thin and with Sam next door to Steve’s room, it meant he had probably heard.

Once you reach your room you slam the door closed and slide down it, pulling your legs to your chest, your knees touching the spot just above your breasts.

And that night was the last night you were able to call Steve Rogers yours.

Steve shudders as he recalls the events, his actions the cause of someones heartbreak, something he never pegged himself as, a heartbreaker. 

He ruined you and he’s never forgotten the pang of regret in his heart that wrecked him from the inside out the moment he saw the tears streaming down your face. Especially the way he felt the moment you walked out of his room after telling him to let you go. At the time he thought you only meant letting go of your wrist but it wasn’t long before realisation hit him, you meant letting you walk away from him without sweet talking you to stay because even you knew he’d be able to do that in a heartbeat, that’s how submissive you were for him. He turned you into this woman who lived and breathed him and as pleasing as it was at the time, he can see that he ruined you.

All he can think about is the feel of your skin underneath his large calloused hands, the feeling that even after all this time, is still as clear as day. 

All he wants is to make it better, make everything alright and to most of all apologise to you. You never deserved that. 

No one does.

He’s now realising what he had with you, he didn’t just have security like most people crave these days, but he had lust, love, passion, excitement, he could be himself, he had romance. And he threw it all away.

Whilst Peggy creeps into his mind, every crevice actually, he doesn’t have her here with him and he never really did have her, not officially. What he had with you was solid, unbreakable until he broke it in the palm of his hand, crushing your heart whilst he was at it. 

But he misses you. 

Peggy was on his mind more so prior to the events of that night, back in December. But he can’t change how he allowed that to effect you. He didn’t love you any less, she was just there in the back of his mind, more so than she usually was and it ruins him to know he didn’t fight it enough. 

He should have. 

If he could, he’d go back to December and do things better. 

And now as he walks up to the old cabin in the middle of nowhere, the one that Tony had bought for his eventual settled life with Pepper, he feels his hands shaking.

One knock is all it took for the unsettled feeling in his stomach to worsen. One knock is all it took before he heard shuffling behind the door and before he knew it, it swung open revealing you.

You haven’t changed at all, not one bit. In the last 6 months, you’ve stayed the same. He watches your eyes turn cold as you still, not blinking. 

Why is he here? You think to yourself. Hatred fills you as well as longing.

You’ve done nothing but think about him for 6 months.

After that night in December, Tony offered you some time away to gather yourself. You couldn’t be an Avenger and save the world if you were broken. 

His words not yours. 

The way Tony had to peel you off of the bedroom floor and put you to bed was enough for him to know you needed a break, some form of reprieve. 

But here the perpetrator stood, the reason for your slip in the ability to care for yourself normally for the first 2 months of your time away. The reason you had to leave, the reason you feel sick constantly. 

Tears almost fill your eyes but you straighten your posture and stare him right in the eyes as you move to the side, allowing him to step in. If he’s going to get the message that you don’t care, this will be how he gets it. surely. 

You make your way back to the couch, your legs curling up on it as you pick your book back up and focus on the words that now hold no meaning as you pretend to forget his presence. 

Whilst he just stands next to the fireplace with a lump in his throat. 

“I’m sorry” 

“You came here to say sorry?” you raise one eyebrow as you glance up for a second “you shouldn’t have bothered, you already said sorry” 

Which he did, but you barely registered it through all the noise of your heartbreak.

How dare he come here after all this time, with his tail between his legs and hoping for forgiveness. You vowed the day you left to come here that you’d never forgive him, you told yourself that you’d learn to work with him but forgiveness was never going to be on the cards. 

And as he looks at you, taking in your reaction, he understands what it means. 

It’s truly over. You don’t want him. But if only he knew that your heart still races at the sight of him, or whatever is left of your heart anyway.

“I don’t want this to be over, Y/N” oh he doesn’t want this to be over, too bad. The strength that’s rebuilt itself over the last 6 months is willing you to push him away, but the weakness he causes is urging you to jump into his arms as though you never broke up and go back to how things were. 

However, it’s not that easy. Even if you do still want him, you’re not the same girl he once knew. Heartbreak changes people and the time away, the space between the two of you has done you the world of good, it’s made you respect yourself. You can’t just drop that at the snap of his fingers. Not anymore. 

You always did too much for him, you were there whenever he needed you. Even when he was on the run, you were a fool for him, a fool in love. 

Although your love hasn’t faded, not in the slightest, you can’t be her anymore, you can’t be that naive girl who let anyone walk all over her. You’re better than that now. 

The walls that took seconds for him to break down are now back up and stronger than ever. 

Despite having more than a few choice words to say in response to him, you scoff, shrugging him off as though he were a pesky fly buzzing around you and you were merely waving your hand around to get rid. He is and always will be someone you love and you were getting too used to being someone he loved too. You were too comfortable in your life with him, the life that was clearly leading down the road to eventual marriage. 

Not anymore though, that’s long gone. Along with the girl you were when you were stuck in that fantasy land. 

“Say something, please. Anything”

“You want me to respond to you, you don’t deserve it Steve. So if all you came here for was to tell me you want me back then you can leave because we were over that night, the moment you said her name during sex with me” there she is, the girl you were before Steve, the girl who didn’t take no shit, the no nonsense bitch that refused to allow anyone to walk all over her. Now you’re back to her and it feels great. 

There may still be lingering feelings for him -okay, more than just lingering, you love him - but you are not going to give in, you can’t.

Keep strong, be her.

He bows his head “i know you probably hate me” his voice barely above a whisper and laced with regret.

“I could never hate you, Steve. I just know that i can’t trust you, not anymore. So excuse me for putting my defences up the second you arrive here”

Steve wanted you to hate him or at least he thought he did. Somehow, he thought it would be easier for you to lash out with venomous words, for you to tell him how much you despise him and it was what he was expecting to happen. But instead, you’re looking at him as though you barely recognise him and that look in your eyes, that glint that always remained every time you looked at him, that’s gone. The girl he loves is gone. 

“I miss you”

“I’m not going to let you do this, Steve”

“It’s true, i miss you. I miss you so much it hurts. That nig-”

“That night ruined me. You know that, right? And here you are, trying to pretend as though you didn’t do what you did, making out like i’m over reacting. Or at least, that’s how you’re making me feel right now. She had to have been on your mind for you to say her name, Steve”

“She was on my mind”

Ouch that hurt. Your heart aches, but you keep yourself composed, a poker face remains, showing him you aren’t bothered in the slightest even though deep down, you are. 

“She always will be. Whether i want her to be or not, she’s part of me. She was the first woman who i really felt a connection with, the first woman aside from Bucky to see me for me, to accept me”

These are the words you’ve been longing to hear. Through all the nights you’ve cried yourself to sleep from missing him and all the anger you’ve felt, angry at yourself and Steve. You wanted him to appear, to tell you that he didn’t mean it, explain his actions. And here he is at the eleventh hour, just as you were making real progress, telling you what he should have that night.

“Sam and Buck were pressuring me to propose to you, telling me that it was then or never. I agreed with them, i assured them that it was merely a waiting game because i didn’t just want to pop the question during any old day, i wanted to pick the right moment to make you mine, officially”

Marriage was something you always saw coming with him, back then at least. But hearing him say that it was on his mind quite frequently, your heart betrays you by skipping a beat. 

“But then, Peggy came up. Buck wanted to know if she was really gone from my mind, if i was over her or the potential life i could have had, had i not been so hell bent on defeating Hydra and my answer was that i only wanted you. My love for Peggy was genuine but my thoughts of her eventually only grew into numerous what if’s that still haunt me and i think they always will but she’s not my future, you are” the look you give him reminds him that a future with you isn’t possible, not after that night.

“At least, you were until i fucked things up” he corrects.

“Wow, Cap. Really going for that whole cursing thing” sarcasm that earns you a light hearted chuckle from him, but that’s not how you intended for it to be received.

Your focus goes back to your book, the words still not meaning a thing. 

Why did he have to turn up now?

Why did he pick today of all days?

You feel so torn up and frustrated.

“Is there nothing else for you to say to me, after what i just told you?”

Keep strong, be her.

Do not sway from the you that has taken you so long to rebuild, do not give in to him.

“Oh i have a lot to say, but i don’t want to. I want to move on from the whole thing” you shrug, standing back up and moving yourself away into the kitchen where you start to prepare ingredients for soup. Fresh homemade soup has been your lunch time regular lately, cooking has become your new hobby as though it was always supposed to be your niche.

But wherever you go, Steve follows. And right now, he’s doing exactly that, following you like a lost puppy dog. But you refuse to break.

“Anything i better than this silence, Y/N. I just, i couldn’t bare going another day without talking to you and now that i’m here, you’ve barely said anything”

“Look, Steve. Even if all that you said is true and genuine, i can’t be with you, not anymore. I’m not the same fool i was when i left. I’ve changed, i’ve matured and i like the new me or should i say the me i was before i met you”

His eyes stare deeply into your own, searching for any trace of a lie. He comes up empty handed though. 

Little does he know that you’ve become so well acquainted with the new you that you’ve also gotten better at hiding your true feelings. The feelings you still have for him, the love you still hold.

Dammit. Keep it together.

Before you know it he’ll give up and leave. You just have to hold it in for a little longer.

“So just like that, you’re giving up”

He did not just say that to you.

Anger begins to boil beneath your skin “giving up? No, you gave up the moment you said her name. The moment you failed to let her go, that’s when you gave up. I fought for you for so long. So don’t you dare put this on me, Steve because it’s crap”

Before you can turn around to resume your lunch prep he’s forcing you to look at him, his hands on your face, cupping it firmly.

“I love you, is that not enough, does that count for nothing?”

“It counts, Steve. Of course it does but if i let you in again, i’ll look like the biggest joke. All anyone will say is how silly i was to forgive you and i’m not ready to trust you again or put myself through that gossip fest”

“Screw everyone else and forget what happened. It’s just you and me here, do you still love me?”

Dreamy blue orbs filled with sorrow, longing and most of all hope bore into your cold eyes, intent on pulling you back to him. 

If you were to ever do this, if you were to ever drop everything and take him back. It would never be just as cut and dry as snapping your fingers and going back to how things were, you would need to start again. He’d need to work hard, to sweat you and prove his love. 

Actions speak louder than words after all.

But there’s something underlying, issues that need to be addressed, to be dealt with. He claims Peggy is nothing more to him now than just a what if, but what if that’s a lie? A lie he concocted to win you back. 

You never pegged him for a liar, but he still did lie. Well, technically he withheld. He was never true to you, he never discussed Peggy with you. He told you briefly about what he felt for her on your first date but after that she disappeared into the clouds, never to be spoken of again. 

However, now you have that knowledge resurfacing. Along with all the things Bucky told you and Steve’s confession that he discussed his old flame with his best friends, something he could never do with you. It hurts. You were brutally honest with him about your ex Jason. You told him just how badly he hurt you, how things were left and most importantly where you stood in regards to your feelings towards him.

Steve knew you inside and out and without these newly rebuilt walls, he still does.

Hence why when that little glimmer of hope in your eyes returns without you realising, he’s alerted of your remaining feelings towards him. The hope he’s wanted to see in you since the days leading up to his visit here. 

“Steve” you warn, moving away from him

“It’s been hell on earth without you, little one. If it weren’t for Tony stopping me, i’d have followed you here the moment i found out where you’d ran off to. I’ve not been myself since that night, your absence has cripp-”

“I’ve not exactly been okay either. What, you think everything has been smooth sailing for me here? Because it hasn’t. I’ve done nothing but wallow in my own self pity, cry for you and what we had then i’d hate myself for wanting you back. I cried until i couldn’t cry anymore, until i was tired and fell asleep. It’s been that way for 6 months. Every. Single Day”

Your cool calm and collected state is now in tatters. He’s bringing out that side of you, the side that cares too much. But with your walls still up, you won’t allow yourself to cry in front of him. He will never win that from you, you refuse to give yourself to him in that way. 

He may be aware of how you really feel now but you made a promise to yourself, no tears.

The silence is deafening as you turn away once again, picking up a knife to dice up the vegetables before moving them all into a pot to boil. 

What else is there for the two of you to say? What else can be done aside from talking around in circles?

You’d both agree that the love still remains but the hurt of what he put you through is too much.

You’re stuck between the desires of your heart and the logic of your head.

“Peggy will always be with you, she’ll always be in your thoughts but can you forget her, forget about the life you could have had? For me?”

A loud sigh escapes him as he wraps his strong arms around you once more, causing a shiver to dance down your spine. 

“I don’t know if i’ll ever forget about her, she’s a big part of who i am now but i love you and i want this to work. Please believe me when i say, i don’t love her in the way i love you”

He feels like home, smells like home and his voice is genuine, his words too.

“I still need some time to digest all of this, to be alone with my thoughts, for a little longer at least. I’ll come back soon” you whisper, pulling away from the hug just enough to look up into his eyes. The heat rolling off of his body and warming you up is so familiar that it’s hard to not just pack your things up right this second, get into his car and go home with him. 

But if this is ever going to work again, you need to finish off here, get your space, think things over before making any rash decisions, you need to really be sure that this is what you want. 

With an understanding nod, Steve backs away, turning to walk toward the front door but before he can bring himself to walk out, he turns back, stalking toward you and taking long strides.

You go to speak but before you can even do so, his hands are cupping your face again and his lips are moulded to yours as though they were always supposed to be. His kiss is needy, it’s rough, it’s desperation. He’s not just telling you he loves you with this kiss, he’s proving to you that his love is real, he needs you in his life, he can’t cope without you around.

And you’d be lying if you didn’t at least feel all of those things too. 

Because you do, you do feel them and they are so real it’s scary. You’re afraid of getting hurt again, you’re afraid of letting him in, of letting him break down your walls. 

Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and a lifetime to repair. 

But lucky for Steve, the two of you have more than your fair share of years on your side and he’ll spend every single day repairing it. To him, you’re worth it.

As his lips leave yours, the two of you are panting, his chest is rising and falling to the same rhythm as yours, you’re in sync. The look in his eyes says it all, he’ll be waiting for you.

And just like that, he’s gone, out the door and hopping into his car. The loud rev of the engine tells you that he’s using Tony’s car, the knowledge makes you smile.

A tear stained face stares out of the kitchen window, your eyes trained on his as he reverses the car out of the space next to yours. And that was the second you knew that everything was going to be okay. That you were going to make it, with him.

---------------------------------------

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[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (03)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It's simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if...Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively;

"A future without you is a world without color."

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, angst, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

SERIES: CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 4

Note: OC is a lawyer but the author knows nothing about law except the three law subjects she took last semester. errors. ah. there will always be errors here bc english isn’t my first language. anyway!!! enjoy!

Jimin wasn't lying when he said you were a mess. This was evident to Jeongguk the second he stepped inside your apartment.

Pile of cardboard boxes and papers were cluttered all over the floor, causing him to feel uneasy. The faint colors visible in his eyes didn't help to calm his nerves. It was as if he suddenly became hypersensitive to his surroundings.

He assumed that your house wasn't really that untidy, but as stated, the colors made it seem like it was untidier.

"Hi there, buddy." Jeongguk forced a smile at the cat glaring at him. He remembered Jimin telling him that your cat was a bitch. The fury pet was making this strange, scary sound. Jeongguk suddenly wished you were here to stop the cat from attacking him.

He wasn't expecting you to lock yourself inside your room the moment you realized that he was your soulmate.

He was so startled by your reaction that his first instinct was to run after you. The thing was, your cat was blocking your bedroom door—stopping him from intruding your personal space. It was obvious that the little animal didn't like the fact that Jeongguk invited himself inside your home.

Jeongguk didn't know why you were hiding from him. In your defense, you were embarrassed. What were you supposed to say to your soulmate? How were you going to explain to him that the reason why you looked like a mess was because of your demanding job?

Being a civil lawyer was exhausting. One second you're negotiating settlement with the other side's attorney, then you would just find yourself filing motions in court and of course, there were many instances where you're standing before the jury and judge to present a case.

Expertise wasn't the only thing necessary in law. You also needed a great amount of empathy so that you could understand your clients. You cared for them a lot; this was why it was such a big deal for you whenever they choose to omit facts.

You hated it when your clients were being dishonest, you didn't need them to be innocent. You only wanted them to tell you the absolute truth so that you could properly defend them. It wasn't like your job was easy. The fact that most people living in your world see in black and white was already a pain in the ass. Earlier this day, you had a client who was suing a businessperson for selling fake whitening products. She claimed that she spent a whopping two thousand dollars to get that fair skin tone. Sadly, it didn't work.

The opposing side asked your client this: how can you say that the products don’t work when you can’t even see colors?

You were shocked to learn this. Your client was subject to a color test for eyes. She said she could see colors when in fact, she couldn't. Actually, the only reason why the vendor sold your client the whitening products was because she also lied to the seller. The latter's rule was that she wouldn't allow people who see in black and white to purchase her products. This was so she could protect her business' image from fraudster like your client.

Things like this often happened in court. The one you encountered were usually easier to resolve, unlike what criminal lawyers face. This, however, didn't mean your job should be taken lightly.

What happened in court today actually took a toll on you. Your boss humiliated you in front of your colleagues, saying that he couldn't believe an experienced lawyer like you would make such rookie mistake. This made you feel like a loser that's why you decided to go home early to rest. You knew you couldn't work when your heart was this heavy.

You ran yourself a bath the moment you reached your apartment. Jimin was bombarding your phone with text messages to remind you that Jeongguk, a friend of his, was going to drop at your place later today since he was interested to be your roommate.

You simply replied 'Yes, I haven't forgotten. Stop pestering me,' to your best friend. Truthfully, Jimin hadn't shut up about this guy named Jeongguk since last week. He kept telling you that he was the perfect replacement for Seulgi, your former roommate.

You just shrugged it off. Honestly, you didn't care if Jeongguk was the perfect roommate or not. At this point, you would take anyone in. You seriously needed someone who could help you with the household chores.

The warm water grazing your skin made you feel sleepy. Before you knew it, you're off to dreamland; however, your little slumber was disrupted by loud knocks coming from your front door.

"Shit!" Your eyes went wide upon realizing that your supposed to be new roommate was already at the door. As if to confirm the horror, your phone rang.

Jimin was calling.

"Where the hell are you? Jeongguk is in front of your door!"

"I know. I'm so sorry! I fell asleep." You got out of the tub, hurriedly putting on your bathrobe.

"Talk to you later!" You ended the voice call, rushing towards the door. Unfortunately, you slipped on the wet floor.

You whined in pain. Luck was truly not on your side today, but instead of getting annoyed, you simply stood up and went your way to the door.

"I'm sorry, I was in the shower. I swear I heard you the first time you knocked, but I was panicking so I slipped down the floor and I..." You were already blabbering right after opening the door. You hadn't seen your future roommate's face because it was easier to lie without looking at someone in the eyes.

You didn't know why you told him you heard his first knock, when in reality, you didn't. You guessed you just hated disappointing people. What happened with your boss today was something you couldn't let to be repeated again. You couldn't bear to irritate another person.

You kept yourself busy as you reasoned out. You ran your hand through your wet hair, eyes widening when you saw your fingers covered in soap suds.

"Oh, my God!" You were panicking again. This time, you finally looked at Jeongguk to see his reaction.

It was like the world stopped.

No. You did not see colors instantly. What you felt was something strange—mystical perhaps. It was just like how they described it in books and movies.

You thought people were exaggerating about what they claimed they felt when they met their soulmates.

Apparently, they were not.

You know the feeling of finally seeing the rainbow after the strong storm? It was like that. Except this was way better. Your young self was probably rejoicing now. Being able to meet and look in your soulmate's eyes was dazzling.

The colors were becoming visible now, it was faint—this was in contrast to the embarrassment you were feeling.

You suddenly became very self-conscious with what you looked like. You were wrong. Your young self wasn't that happy because she wasn't expecting to meet her soulmate like this.

You were aware that you looked awful. The bags under your bloodshot eyes were probably so deep. The soap suds in your hair made you appear ridiculous. The most horrifying of all? You were wearing a bathrobe designed with the face of your favorite cartoon character.

"Uh—"

You ran away, locking yourself in your room before Jeongguk could finish what he was about to say.

Your heart was beating so fast as you stared in the mirror. The disgust you felt intensified. God. You looked horrible. You mentally cursed the brand of the mascara you were wearing. So much for claiming to be smudge proof! Curse yourself too because this wouldn't happen in the first place if you only refrained from crying over your boss' mean words, but it seemed like you never learned. You just scolded yourself from crying easily, but here you were, tears were painting your cheeks once again.

"No..." Your lips quivered. You were stronger than this. You weren't going to ruin your chance with your soulmate.

Determined, you quickly changed into a sage dress. Your hands were trembling because of your new found excitement. You loved colors ever since you were a kid. The fact that you couldn't see them didn't stop you from learning its meaning. You studied good color combination before. You were aware how to aesthetically match the hues. For instance, you knew that you would look ridiculous if you wore a neon green shirt and bright pink jeans. You were always careful in choosing what to wear, so now that you could finally see colors without referring to your color palette generator, you were beyond happy.

When you looked decent enough, you decided to finally face your soulmate. The first thing you saw as you opened your bedroom door was Jeongguk sitting on your couch—this was a very shocking scene. No. You weren't surprised because he was casually plopped down on your sofa, what you didn't expect was to see Miri, your bitch of a cat, to be so comfortable on Jeongguk's lap. Your pet looked at peace; the usual hiss she was making was replaced by a silent purring. Her bambi eyes mirrored your soulmate's same big, doe eyes.

You cleared your throat to get Jeongguk's attention.

"I let myself in, I hope you don't mind." You couldn't decipher what he was feeling. Jeongguk's voice was soft, but there was no hint of emotion there. His expression was also unreadable.

Jeongguk tore his gaze away from you when he realized that you were staring. As if this wasn't already awkward for him, you went on to say something that made him more uncomfortable.

"I've been waiting so long to meet you! Are you going to move in with me now?" You plopped down beside Jeongguk, squeezing your body between him and the arm of your sofa. Miri hissed since she was astounded by your sudden action. Actually, Jeongguk was surprised too. Your couch was pretty spacious; he didn't understand why you had to press yourself beside him.

Jeongguk also didn't know why you sounded so hopeful. The sparks in your eyes caused him to scowl; however, this didn't stop you from speaking your hopeless thoughts.

"We could do a lot of things together! I had planned everything since I was young!" You giggled. You didn't know why you were so comfortable telling him things. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that you two were soulmates.

However Jeongguk was confused with your weird idea of wanting to do all of this romantic stuff with him. The uneasiness he felt couldn't be contained anymore when you abruptly talked about dating—as in dating him.

"Whoa, whoa..." He cut you off, arching his brow and moving away from you. "Slow down, will you? I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh." You blushed, immediately realizing that you had gone too far. "I'm sorry I got carried away. I was just excited to meet you." You couldn't help but beam at him.

Jeongguk continued to raise his brow at you.

"Why? Are you really that desperate to find a roommate?"

It was your turn to raise a brow at him.

"N-No, I just..." You breathed in, unsure of what to say. "I'm just happy to finally meet my soulmate."

"Soulmate?"

You flinched because of the bitterness in his voice. His innocent eyes turned dark, he was glaring at you. Miri was startled once more. She jumped on your lap because she was getting scared of Jeongguk.

"I'm sorry to break it to you, but I don't believe in soulmates." The word 'soulmate' sounded so rough coming from him, making you flinch again.

Many people had told you that you were good at gauging the feelings of other people, this was why your heart skipped a beat when you saw pain and anger crossed Jeongguk's feature. It was as if he was betrayed by someone.

"It's the most absurd thing I've heard in my entire life. Only stupid people believe in soulmates. I mean—" Jeongguk sucked in a breath. He was so annoyed that he didn't even know how to express his thoughts without breaking apart. "It's limiting the possibilities for people. Why am I required to fall in love with someone I barely know? Why should I leave the person I truly love just because a person meant to be the love of my life," he paused, quoting the words love of my life in the air. "Helped me see colors? It's like forcing me to do something I don't—no, I can't do. It's such a burden. Love can't be bought. I refuse to be with people just because they helped me."

There was silence after Jeongguk's long speech of the reasons why he didn't—or as what he claimed—couldn't love you.

Jeongguk wetted his bottom lip. The silence was making him hate himself. He hated himself because he saw the tears forming in your eyes, an obvious sign that you were hurt because of what he said. But most importantly, he hated you.

It was unlikely of him to hate someone he just met—or to simply hate anyone at all, but everything about you was making him mad as hell.

He hated your hopeful eyes, he hated your beliefs, he hated that you were the person hindering him from being with Red.

He knew it was unfair to blame you since Red chose to leave on her own, but he still couldn't help himself because the idea of soulmate was what urged her to leave.

You were Jeongguk's soulmate and for him, it meant nothing. So with a furrowed brow, he stared hard at you as he said this:

"I'm making you choose right now. Either accept me as Jeongguk, your tenant or Jeongguk, your soulmate. But just so you know, I will never stay with you if you treat me like a soulmate."

His word stung, though you were aware that the only way to make him stay was to choose the former option. At least this way, you got to be with your soulmate.

The colors you see were starting to fade away and it was okay...

[boxofbadaddiction]

Their Spot

| Don't Touch Me | Chapter Three |

| Series Masterlist |

Fred Weasley x Fem!Reader

Series Summary: What happens when Fred Weasley, the man with a love language of physical touch and the inability to keep his hands to himself, falls for the girl with an aversion to just that: touch.

Chapter Summary: Knowing now why Y/n struggles to let anyone close, even him, Fred begins making inroads to gain Y/n's trust and prove that he is prepared to do whatever it takes to make her comfortable. As he takes a step back in his approach he watches with a new perspective on how she has grown to live her life in spite of her often debilitating fear.

Warnings: Depictions of Haphephobia.

Since Y/n revealed her secret to Fred she couldn't deny things were far more pleasant than they had been.

Now she could truly allow herself to enjoy the time spent with him without the feeling of having to be on 'constant alert' if he were going to touch her.

He was trying. Really trying.

There'd been a few close calls as he adjusted to the change: some near hugs, almost shoulder leans and playful shoves, but he always caught himself at the right time which she were grateful for.

Especially on the day she agreed to spend time amongst his group of friends.

They'd gathered down by the Lakes dock and George had thought it'd be funny to throw Angelina off the end into the bracingly cold water; which it was. This however prompted the Twins to try their luck dropping the rest of the group in. George had managed to sink Lee while Fred tossed Katie.

As George threw Alicia over his shoulder running for the waters edge Fred had turned on Y/n, without intention of alarming her, simply caught in the moment. It was the first day in a long time she'd flinched away from him. Instantly he retracted his arms from her sides and couldn't have apologised more if he tried.

Y/n assured him that she was okay, however, their small moment had drawn eyes from other members of the friend group: George and Lee.

Noticing her dry clothes their sights were set determinedly on throwing her into the water, seeing as how she were the last person left needing to be dunked in the Lake.

From then on Fred valiantly protected her from the attack George and Lee waged against her.

He'd held them back all without revealing her fear to them and her heart warmed from the gesture, as did her cheeks from laughter as she watched Lee and George then toss Fred into the Lake in place of her.

Lee and George were the first of Fred's friends Y/n warmed up to the most but she also grew to enjoy the company of Angelina and Katie as well. The only issue being that they were very touchy girls when excited and Y/n had a difficult time avoiding it, even with Freds help.

Regardless, Y/n liked spending time with them all and they liked having her around.

The only member of the group Y/n couldn't seem to find the time of day for was Alicia but that was not for her lack of trying.

It seemed Alicia simply wasn't interested in her presence in their life whatsoever. Often looking past her, speaking over top of her or excluding her from conversations entirely.

Y/n didn't fail to notice how interested she was in Fred though, which she suspected had something to do with it.

The way she was always vying for his attention  trying to get him alone or laughing to an obnoxious degree when he made a joke and hanging from his arm like her life depended on it.

It made Y/n irritable watching as she pawed for his sole attention. Even more so when she got it.

She wasn't jealous of course.

But Fred had grown to be such a special person in her life she couldn't help but find herself become unaccustomed to the notion of sharing his affections.

She was merely being protective of him that's all; just protective. That's the lie she constantly fed to herself, anyway.

What Y/n failed to realise however was that it hardly mattered what Alicia did as all her efforts were in vain, because Fred only had eyes for her. Y/n was given all the things Alicia was so desperate for: his full time and undivided attention, he constantly spoke about her with wrapped interest when she wasn't around, he was always laughing haughtily at her jokes.

But never Alicia's.

Her silhouette was the only one that could be found in the eyes of Fred Weasley.

As much as Fred adored the fact Y/n was allowing herself to step from her comfort zone and dive deeper into his world he were always sure to make time for just the two of them.

Fred would never say anything to Y/n, for fear of jinxing it or making her uncomfortable, but he could note the new changes in her: see the way she began to trust him and he wondered if she noticed the change in herself at all.

He were sure though she were oblivious to the little things she did which made his heart yearn for her ever more.

Like the way she more confidently follows him into new situations. How she didn't flinch away from him anymore.

He didn't know if any of this was winning him her love but for the meantime that didn't matter. Because his heart was beating for her and even if he spent his life loving her from the sidelines: it'd be worth it. She would always be worth it.

The oak tree by the Lake overtime became 'their spot'. Just theirs. For days if Y/n became overwhelmed by the changes in her life and especially for days when Y/n began to spiral after someone touched her and she couldn't control the way her body turned against her.

Fred would whisk her away to their spot, quite literally as he'd run with a firm grip to her robes sleeve because he knew how it would make her giggle, briefly relieving her from any of those all too familiar and tormenting feelings.

He also often whisked her away just because he felt like it because he wanted to be alone with her.

Fred, unlike Y/n, wasn't afraid to admit it (to himself) he was jealous when others got her attention. Not to mention very, very protective if people got too close.

"So...answer this for me." Fred spoke and Y/n hummed in acknowledgement.

The pair were sat at their spot chatting casually and sharing in some of their favourite sweets.

"You love Quidditch." "Yes."

"But you hate crowds..." "Also true."

"How do you go watching the matches from the stands when the time comes around?"

"Well I- uhm. I don't usually go." Y/n grimaces.

"Wait...YOU DON'T GO TO QUIDDITCH!?"

Y/n couldn't help but laugh at the look on Fred's face, he seemed mortified by the idea and his tone reflected it. "'Fraid not. I've tried a few times, watching from the stairs or field entrance but there's just so many people it makes it hard to stay."

"Are you telling me, you don't watch me play?" "Is that all you're taking away from this?"

"Yes."

Y/n began to laugh at Fred's simplistic take on the conversation. Fred meanwhile watched her with his own poorly restrained giggles trying to maintain his serious facadé.

"Can't believe this! My best friend doesn't watch me kick arse on the pitch!" "If it makes you feel any better, sometimes, I watch from the Astronomy Tower. My friend has a pair of Omnioculars they bought at the World Cup so I borrow those if they're not using them. But the view isn't exactly ideal, I must say." Y/n added, digging through the small packet of lollies on her lap, an air of longing hanging heavily over her head.

Fred drew a sharp breath as his heart ached for her. 'She misses out on so much' he thought and he wished he could fix it.

Maybe he could?

"Y/n/n," he turned his body better to face her as he spoke, "If I could...if I found a way to make sure you wouldn't be touched, would you come to this years games? Could you trust me to do that for you?" There was no humour left on Fred's face or in his tone of voice. He was completely serious in this moment.

His motives may have been a little selfish when he asked this question: at the thought of having her at his matches. Knowing she'd be there...cheering him on. Would she even consider wearing his Quidditch Jersey?

He could be there with her watching the games when he's not playing, to protect her and making sure she has a great time.

Selfishness aside: he wanted to do this for her. Just to let her live through the experiences she loves without fear.

Y/n's eyes flicked between his endearingly, she could tell this was something important to him. She wanted to be able to do it, be strong enough for him and take this step, and in all honesty she really has begun to trust him.

"Think you can pull that off?" She challenges, to which he raises a pointed brow as a smirk grows across his lips. "I'm sorry, I think you've forgotten who you're talking to." He speaks with a mockingly condescending tone making Y/n chuckle.

"I am Fred fucking Weasley!" he shouts and Y/n loses her composure, laughing so hard her stomach begins to cramp. "If I said every toilet in the Castle were to be painted purple, I shall have it! It would be done by the end of the week!"

Y/n doubles forward and braces herself by a strong grip to Fred's wrist, her other hand shielding her eyes.

Fred's attention is trained on her with hearts in his eyes as he's over come with emotion for the girl beside him. Her shoulder bumps into his as she rocks slightly without proper balance trying to straighten herself.

The hand clasped around his wrist comes to wipe at her teary eyes alongside the other and that's when he realises.

As the cool air meets his unusually warm skin and he watches the white prints of her fingers fade to blush pink then to his usual tone, he realises just how far they've come.

"LEE!"

Lee and George both jump as their dorm room door is all but kicked in as Fred bursts through; eye's fixed to his frightened friend.

Lee is staring wide-eyed to the elder twin.

"What'd I do?" "Nothing, yet."

Fred kicks the door closed behind him as he walks across the room to Lee's bed and jumps onto it. "I need a favour." He speaks calmly, sat cross-legged in front of his friend. "I'm not pulling any pranks on Snape again I told you-" "No, no. Nothing like that. It's about Y/n..." "Of course it is" George mumbles to himself with a knowing smile as he looks at his brother.

"I need you to let her in the commentators box during Quidditch matches, especially when Gryffindor plays."

"What? Why?"

"That, right there, is why I called it a 'favour' Lee, in the hopes you'd do this 'no questions aksed'?"

Fred puts on his best puppy dog eyes pleading for his friends help. Lee rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, "I don't know, Fred. McGonagall's funny about guests in the box, you know that."

"Is there anything you can do? Look, I've promised Y/n I'd get her somewhere a little more private to watch the games. She's uncomfortable in crowds so she's resorted to just...not going."

"SHE DOESN'T WATCH QUIDDITCH!?" Lee and George shout. "But Y/n loves Quidditch?" Lee questions rhetorically, his brows furrowing in a sad and conflicted kind of way.

Fred gives a tight lipped smile and guestures to the empty space between them as if to say; 'So you see my point?'

"Alright, I'll talk to 'Gonagall. The first match is in a couple weeks so I'm sure I can butter her up before then."

"Brilliant! Thanks mate, I owe you." Fred claps Lee on the back as he hops up eagerly heading for the door.

"Wait, where are you going?" questions George.

"Where do you think? I'm going to see Y/n/n." Fred answers as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. George chuckles as the door closes behind his brother, "He's whipped."

"Yep."

"And they're not even dating."

"Nope.

Two weeks past in the blink of an eye and suddenly the first Quidditch match of the year was set to take place in just a few minutes.

Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw.

Lee had been able to 'sweet talk' Professor McGonagall, after just over a week of relentless pleading, into letting Y/n join them in the Commentators box for this year. After confirming Lee had secured a place for Y/n Fred had wasted no time in telling her the news, which had him practically bouncing off the walls with excitement.

Y/n was feeling slightly apprehensive at the thought but after Fred assured her everything would be alright she began to truly look forward to the idea of being able to comfortably watch the match for once.

It was all well and good, until she was actually stood outside the stadium where over a thousand students and additional scattered members of faculty were currently filing into. She felt so small in comparison to the sheer volume of people that'd gathered into the one area.

The thought of even one person brushing against her accidentally had her skin coming alive with the feeling of a million crawling, invisible bugs.

"Y/n/n!" Freds voice pulled her from the thought of just how daunting this moment was and distracts her from the uncomfortable sensation swarming her body.

Y/n turns to see him jogging up the small hill toward her, from the locker room, adorning his beaters uniform and holding what looked like a maroon jumper. Lee were trudging up towards her in the background not quite as desperate to see her as Fred was. His smile was wide as he came up to her, resisting the urge to pull her into a hug; as he frequently must.

"You came" he says breathlessly looking down into her nervous eyes and she nods shakily. "How are you feeling?"

"Can't lie, I'm nervous."

Fred reaches a hand out and comfortingly grasps edge of her loose long sleeved shirt, careful not to touch her skin as he does so, "it'll be okay. I promise." He speaks softly to her.

Y/n feels some of her worry melt away the longer she stares to the warm brown of his eyes and nods, showing her faith in him. "I know." She breathes.

"I- uh, I brought you something." Fred fumbles as he holds up what Y/n had thought to be just an old jumper, seeing it up close now she recognises it as Fred's Quidditch Jersey. "For me?" She questions trying not to let on how quickly flustered she's becoming, a heat rises to her cheeks as her heart races.

"Yeah I thought- well I hoped you might wear it today...sort of a good luck charm and it'll help, you know, keep me close while you're watching." he explains bashfully. "It's okay if you don't want t-"

"No!" Y/n interjects fastly, and a tad too loud to feel comfortable with, "No, I want to." She adds more calmly taking the shirt from his hands and throwing it over her head, pulling it on.

Fred's smell fills her senses sending her mind into a dizzy of emotions. Y/n looks down to her body, giggling at how long the sleeves are compared to her arms.

How would she ever be expected to give this back to him when she never wanted to take it off?

Fred swallows harshly at the sight of her wearing his clothing, he were quietly hoping she never gave it back because he didn't want to see her out of it.

"Hey, Y/n." Lee waves with a happy smile, accidentally interrupting the moment. "Ready for the game? You'll have the best seat in the house!"

"Yeah, I think so." Y/n answers honestly, looking back to Fred as she speaks to see him smiling at her. "We'll have to get up there in a minute, the game's about to start." "Oh, right...I'll come with you now then. Goodluck, Freddie." Y/n smiles, reaching out to gently squeeze the palm of his hand for the briefest of moments before walking towards the stadium.

"Give 'em Hell mate." Lee comments giving an encouraging tap to the dazed redheads arm as he goes to make his way after Y/n.

"Psst! Lee," Fred calls quietly after him, "look after her, won't you?" "What could go wrong up there?" Lee laughs but Fred remains completely serious prompting a fast change of Lee's attitude.

"Yeah, man. I will don't worry, you just focus on putting on a good show for your girl." he teases. "Thanks," Fred offers a grateful smile, patting Lee's shoulder.

Fred sighs, looking toward where Y/n began to ascend the staircase, thankfully which was now scarce of people, his heart heavy with concern. "Oh, and Lee...don't touch her. Like, at all. Not even a nudge to the shoulder, hear me?" Fred warns sternly. His grip lightly tightens on his friends shoulder as he points a finger to his face, emphasising his words, like a teacher lecturing a naughty student.

"Shesh Mummy, loosen the grip won't you?" Retorts Lee sarcastically, comparing Fred's over protection to that of a possessive Mother, and pushes the redheads hand from his shoulder. "Everything will be fine mate. Trust me." With that Lee waves goodbye to Fred walking to his seat.

When Lee enters the Commentators Box his eyes land on Y/n and he can tell just how nervous she is. She's sat to the very end of the small four person box, body bunched up as tightly as is humanly possible with one arm clutching across her stomach, the other holding the collar of Fred's jersey to her nose. Taking Fred's words to heart Lee gives her as much space as he can and vows to show her a fantastic time and, hopefully, she'll loosen up a little.

Receiving his que from McGonagall Lee begins his introduction to the match.

The game began without a hitch and before anyone knew it 50 minutes had already passed, the teams being currently tied for 30 points. The weather is ideal for a match but the nagging concern for Y/n made it difficult for Fred to fully focus on the task at hand, something his Captain hadn't failed to pick up on and reprimand him for.

If only he could know she was okay, then everything would be alright.

Fate seemed to sense his plea and granted him the opportunity to check on her. A bludger hit by the Ravenclaw beater had been sent directly towards the Commentators box which Fred deterred immediately from colliding with the spectators within. As he hovered before them he allowed himself a glance inward only to be met with the smiling face of Y/n stood leant over the railing. She was okay. Better than okay, she was ecstatic. Practically bouncing with excitement beside Lee as she cheered for him.

It was the reassurance he needed to get his head in the game. With a quick wink thrown to her, which had her blushing like crazy, he was off: playing at his best and bringing the rightful win for Gryffindor.

As Harry's hand clasped around the Golden Snitch and the buzzer sounded the players took their victory lap before taking their stand on the pitch.

A wave of Lee's hand brings Y/ns attention away from the Team and he's quickly ushering her from the spectators landing down to the field.

With the widest smile Y/n runs across the pitch to where Fred was dismounting his broom. As he spots her his face lights up and he walks towards her overcome by many emotions. Without warning Y/n jumps, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug congratulating him on the win. It takes Fred a moment of shock before he's hastily dropping his broom and wrapping his arms around her as tightly as he can and spinning them in place.

When Y/n's feet reconnect with the ground and her eyes meet his she's realises what she's done and takes a bashful step back, a shyness building inside her over the look he's giving her: like she's personally responsible for hanging the Moon, the Sun and the stars in the sky.

Fred's heart swells with pride from his victory and from being able to hug his love for the first time. "Did I do you proud?" He teases taking a step closer to the blushing girl. "Very." Y/n smiles leaning toward him and biting her lip in attempt to contain her wide smile, her confidence quickly rebuilding. Y/ns eyes dance between his as he stares right back.

Fred's brows furrow in a curious way as he studies her face, he could swear she keeps looking at his lips. Would the thought of her wanting to kiss him right now really be so far fetched? He wonders. Afterall, it's all he has been able to think about since the moment he saw her enter the field.

Suddenly Fred feels a tug on his arms, pulling him forwards and into a body...but it's not Y/n's.

"WE DID IT FRED!" Alicia squeals jumping into his arms in a bridal style hold. Fred fumbles to catch her before she falls, not having expected her to appear; the way she hit his chest pushes the air from his lungs. "Uhm, yeah" he mumbles awkwardly as more people flock towards them, Y/n unintentionally being pushed to the outskirts as she tries to avoid being touched.

Alicia is giggling like a 12 year old and playing with the short hairs on the back of his neck bringing a sick feeling to Y/n's stomach at the sight.

Fred's craning his neck trying to see Y/n through the sea of people but is lost to her whereabouts. "Good game, Weasley." A males voice registers in Fred's ear, he turns to see Jaxon Colby and senses an opportunity. "Thanks mate." He speaks quickly "Here, catch." he drops Alicia into the brunette boy's arms, an insulted scoff coming from said girls mouth which he ignores.

Pushing through all the people to find Y/n he spots her slowly walking to leave the pitch and runs to catch up.

"Hey!" He calls behind her breathlessly. Y/n's eyes light up at the sight of him. "Hey" she smiles.

"So, our place?" Fred questions with a charming smile. "Don't you have a party to get to?" Y/n speaks trying to mask the sadness in her tone as she looks to the crowd of people by the opposite side of the pitch.

"Eh, there'll always be more parties. I want to spend time with you." he answers cooly, sending the girls heart into a flutter of emotions and igniting a spark in her chest.

Y/n nods, accepting his offer, and they walk towards the Lake together.

It hadn't occurred to Y/n just how far she's let her guard down for Fred but now, as they're sat close to one another by the base of Their grand oak tree, she can't imagine her life without him saving a place in her heart.

As the sun lowers in the sky and she admires the array of colours painted across the horizon Y/n can't help getting lost in the comfortable familiarity of listening to Fred's voice as he happily rambles on about the game.

The moment the two are currently sharing in has her all but melting against the tree truck. Adjusting her position, Y/n casually leans into Fred's side with her head resting on his shoulder. A comfortable sigh leaving her nose as her eyes lightly flutter in tiredness.

Fred abruptly stops his monologue when he feels her weight settle into his.

He doesn't know how to react at first, frozen in shock. But as that subsides a small smile graces his lips as he rests his cheek on top of her head testing the waters. A moment passes and his smiles grows as his eyes close and he soaks up the moment.

They sit in silence for sometime before Fred shifts in place to get more comfortable. He feels her body shake slightly with a chill from the late afternoon breeze and, in an attempt to be closer to her to share in his body's warmth, he moves an arm across his body to rest on her furthest side, without properly thinking.

As the weight of his palm is registered on her soft middle Y/ns body reacts immediately. The light touch feels like a vicious pain which has her instantly recoiling.

Her hand shoots to his wrist pulling it away from her side. Her head is no longer resting on his shoulder but her body is still pressed against his. Fred attempts to retract his hand with haste but struggles when her grip doesn't waiver.

"Y/n/n, I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking- I shouldn't have- are you okay? I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." The words are falling faster than his lips can carry them. His heart beating like a drum inside of his chest.

Y/n shakes her head swallowing the lump in her throat from the sick feeling that rose, her eyes screwed shut but that familiar disgusted feeling slowly ebbs as she relaxes while she recites: 'it's just Fred' over and over again in her mind.

The chant works like a soft breath to a dying fires embers: igniting the trust she holds for him. The small flame which sparks from within lights her way back through the dark she was seconds from succumbing to. Back to the light and saftey of Fred's presence.

Y/n turns her head, not quite looking to him, moreso over him, as she contemplates how to explain to him what went wrong.

"It's okay. I'm okay. Just-" her eyes finally meet his as she tries to convey what she's thinking to ease his worry, "Not my side." She mubbles with eyes flicking from his in nervousness.

He nods in understanding, swallowing thickly at the concern he has that he may have just caused a step back in their relationship. His heart is beating fast and lungs are drawing breaths which are unsteady...until she nestles back in against him.

Her head slowly, cautiously, lays back on his shoulder and he returns to his previous position with his cheek on her hairline.

He feels her grip on his wrist shift, moving to hold his palm as she places his hand on her outter thigh, just above her knee.

A breath leaves Fred's chest as his eyes stare to where she's allowed him to hold, his fingers squeeze tightly into the soft flesh trying to reassure himself this is real. Y/n's fingers are still ever so slightly hooked underneath his palm as she lets her hand remain overlapped with his.

Fred notes the slight shake in her hand and a rush of emotion courses through his heart: relief that he hasn't pushed her too far, adoration in knowing she's begun to trust him, a great sadness in knowing she's been scarred so deeply but also, a warmth; that tells him just how hard he's fallen for her.

Fred realises in this moment how far he's willing to go to protect her and care for her. How he's prepared and willing to wait for her to be ready. He'll wait forever if he has to because he knows the wait for her love will be worth it. In every way.

He shifts his head so his chin now sits atop her head and she's tucked away in the crook of his neck. His eyes couldn't squeeze any further tight as he tries to steady his breathing, let the panic pass, and sort through the overwhelming flow of emotions thats bringing a burn behind his eyes.

Fred has never felt this strongly about another person in his life and that scares him...a lot.

Taglist: @gaycatlord-stuff @maybesandohnos @meph1stophelian @freddiemylovelg @coffeewithoutcaffeine @with-love-anu @unlikelymilkshakedream @kingalrdy @anywherebuthere @prettywhitedoves @gryffindorgirl @mycobrakai1972 @gloryekaterina

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 15)

I'm posting this on time! Yay! I'll try to be timely tomorrow as well. Be patient with me if I can't ;-;

This will be the final part of the New Year's Arc. Natsume and his friends reunite and fight to save Aoi. Unfortunately, this fight will take a victim, and for once it's not Natsume.

Chapter Sixty-Six

We see Natsume again, still in a stand-off with Yakumo. Things change, however, when Nobara “wakes up” in a trance. All thoughts of getting Natsume out of the dungeon are gone from her mind now. She’s just another of Persona’s weapons, ready to fulfill her orders without any pesky hesitation or guilt.

And even later, when Mikan rejoins the group, we can see that Natsume is guarding his friends with his alice while Nobara’s rages on. He suggests he and Mikan work together to stop Nobara. He can use his alice to protect them from the ice, and she can use hers to stop Nobara’s alice completely. It’s interesting that Natsume has gotten to such a nonviolent point. He doesn’t even like Nobara, since she’s a teacher’s pet and he doesn’t trust her at all. But he knows she doesn’t mean any ill will and it’s not her fault that she’s attacking them now. He could think first of trying to attack her, but it would be much safer for her if Mikan simply nullified her instead.

He’s come such a long way, from attacking Hotaru and Iinchou so Mikan would spill her alice to now choosing a less violent approach to tackling a person who should be an ally. Now, he won’t be nonviolent in every regard, and there’s little reason he should be, but moments like this are noteworthy. Even more, he’s the one to suggest to Mikan that they work together. They could be a team, like she’d wanted in the Z Arc. They could work together to beat Nobara, and Natsume is willing to admit he won’t be able to do it alone. Ultimately, he’s asking for help, and Natsume never does that.

"Let's do it together," because he can finally ask for help.

But really, for Mikan, it doesn’t take much effort at all. In fact, Mikan uses her nullification to get Nobara entirely out of the trance in no time at all. Nobara runs away, ashamed, and Persona emerges from the woodwork, irritated that he has to do all the work himself.

Mikan breaks Nobara out of it without any help, all on her own. It's foreshadowing for all Mikan will do by herself in the rest of this fight. Natsume wants to work together, but he would never want her to take on everything by herself.

Chapter Sixty-Seven

Persona’s presence has only inspired anger. Natsume attempts to attack him, but he’s no match against Persona when he’s carrying Nobara’s alice stone as protection. Persona then informs Natsume that he’s lost the deal. After all, Rui and Hayate weren’t defeated by him, rather by the people who followed after him. Therefore, Natsume won’t be allowed to leave the dungeon or ever see his sister again.

Despite all his best efforts, he's failed. All these risks he's taken in the past two days have been for nothing, have even caused more of a mess. And if he's stuck in a dungeon, not only will he truly never be able to save Aoi, but he won't be able to see Mikan or Ruka either. It's not like Persona doesn't have the power to do this, either. This is a genuine threat, and if he and his friends lose here, then Natsume will be screwed for good.

Mikan stands up for Natsume, but Persona attacks her, only stopped by one of Ruka’s mice, who quickly demonstrates what happens when someone is caught by Persona’s alice, the touch of death or corrosion alice. Only Natsume (and we, the readers) knew what his alice was prior to this, and it creates a new atmosphere of danger. Getting hit could get you killed. Any misstep could be deadly.

Something interrupts the fight, though. Aoi is shuffling down the hall, gripping the walls since she is blind.

She calls out to Persona, to Mikan, to the very few people she’s had in her life for the past two and a half years.

This is the first time Natsume has seen her in just as long, and he calls out to her. He wasn't supposed to see her. This was a trap, after all, and he'd been told he'd never see her again. To be able to see her despite that is excellent luck (and because of Mikan's help). He nearly can't believe that it's really happening. What follows should be a dramatic and emotional reunion. Sadly, that's not the way it goes.

Natsume failed Aoi so much. Look what he's done. She's blind and has amnesia all because of him.

He approaches, but before he can reach her, she asks nervously who he is. She's blind, so there's no way she'd recognize his face, but she can't place his voice either. It's like a sucker-punch, not being remembered at all by one of the most important people in his life. It's not just that she's blind--that's shocking news too--or that she's been held captive in a dungeon for years. She also can't remember him at all. To make matters even worse, Aoi asks instead for Persona. Natsume is immediately shocked. He’s been putting himself on the line tirelessly for years, and she has forgotten him. It’s just another way in which he’s failed to protect her, since she doesn’t even remember her life anymore. And for his role in her life to be filled instead by Persona is even more cruel.

Persona has been abusing Natsume for years while manipulating Aoi into feeling pity for him. One moment, he seems to treat Aoi with kindness, and the next he goes to Natsume and threatens her safety if he doesn’t obey. It’s enough to make anyone’s blood boil, and Natsume is understandably hurt.

Mikan, who has met Aoi already, tries to remind her that Natsume is her real brother, but Persona is eager to get back to business, so he dispatches Yakumo to immobilize Ruka, Hotaru, and Mikan.

Persona goes right back to manipulating Aoi, lying to her and telling her that Natsume is responsible for her loss of sight and memories. But Natsume doesn’t care about being hated or loved, he only cares about protecting. He stands in front of Aoi and tells her to run. This time, no matter what, he will protect her. He won’t ever let her be hurt again.

Natsume has been blaming himself for what happened to Aoi for years. The job of protecting her was put on his shoulders since he was little. It’s always been his duty to keep her safe, so if she is unsafe, it means he failed. He’s just a little kid. He may have a powerful alice, but he is ultimately powerless. He’s up against government controlled entities and adults with influence. He couldn’t do any more to protect Aoi than he already did, but he’s been living with the guilt of not doing the impossible, because he was told that was his duty. Natsume feels like a failure whenever he can’t properly protect someone because he thinks that’s all he’s good for. He will take the hits for everyone else, will take responsibility for everyone, put himself in the face of danger and death to keep everyone but himself safe.

To be hated or loved or entirely forgotten has nothing to do with his life's mission anyway. Natsume gives unconditionally. He doesn't want anything in return, because it's not an exchange to begin with. The people around him are precious, and their happiness and safety is important. They should have long, pleasant lives. He's just a soldier in comparison. His life was always going to be short anyway, so why shouldn't be dedicate himself entirely to preserving the happiness of others? Protect, protect, protect. Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. It's all he knows. How other people feel about him doesn't change his purpose at all. Whether he does it openly or in secret, he exists only to protect.

Aoi was his biggest failure, in his mind. He won’t allow anything to stop him from protecting her this time, to make up for the time he failed. His determination and promise of protection triggers memories in Aoi. She knew her brother very well, knew all his nuances and quirks. She's the one who first explained to Ruka that he's endlessly selfless, always protecting. If Natsume is anything, he's a martyr. He will make a bold proclamation of protection, or stand in front of somebody to guard them, or take a hit in somebody's stead. She can't help but recognize it, his most outstanding character trait. Nobody in the world is quite like Natsume in this way. She says his name, shocking and distracting him. He hadn’t meant to have her recall him. He was just doing his job as her older brother to protect her. Again, Natsume is resigned to being hated, disliked, and even forgotten, so long as he can do his job of protecting people. Of course it surprises him when it’s exactly that loyalty and protection that reminds Aoi who her most important person is.

Natsume just needed to be as much himself as he could and it triggered Aoi remembering him. If only this sort of thing could work every time.

But Persona isn’t as touched as the rest of them are. Aoi has lost her utility. She remembered Natsume and can no longer be effectively manipulated. Before he can turn his alice on her, though, Mikan saves the Hyuuga siblings. It's Natsume who initially told her in the Z Arc that she has to be vigilant, always watchful, when you're in a dangerous situation after all. If Natsume is distracted, and can't be vigilant, then Mikan will be in his stead. The danger persists, and despite Natsume's readiness to protect his sister, it's Mikan once again who tackles him, nullifying him, but also knocking his alice restraining mask off his face.

Now that Mikan has touched Persona directly without his mask on, she’s certain to die.

Chapter Sixty-Eight

Even Yakumo is put off by Persona’s actions. He obviously never expected to actually be involved in the murder of a little girl. Persona shrugs it off, calling it nothing more than an accident, but that sets Natsume off.

Mikan got in the way to protect him and his sister, and now she will die.

He was willing to work as a team, but he is not willing to watch her completely take on his duty as the resident martyr.

Natsume doesn't like being protected. It's his job, after all. His life is meaningless in comparison to everyone else's. Not only is it destined to be short anyway (so who cares if it ends earlier than later?) but being protected by somebody else means he failed. Somebody is hurt because of him. Natsume is angry at Persona more than anything, but he's also disappointed in himself. Mikan should never have to take an attack for him. She got hit because he was distracted and because he didn't stay vigilant. She's hurt because he didn't do his job correctly.

He goes berserk, his fire alice raging on, despite the barrier. He screams at Persona, but it’s not enough. He hunches over in pain and gasps. Keeping up his alice like this with the barrier is difficult, and even in his anger he can’t keep it up for long.

When Hotaru tries to attack Persona, he moves to get her instead, and Mikan, already struck by his alice, decides to hit him again. Natsume is horrified. He can yell at Persona all he wants, and could even kill him, and it wouldn’t undo the damage Mikan has just now taken for her friends. She’s done for already, but each hit of Persona’s alice has her that much closer to death.

This must feel awful, Natsume. Watching somebody hurt themselves ceaselessly to protect others and not being able to do anything to help. It's a good thing you'd never put anybody in that position, especially after experiencing it for yourself, right? RIGHT?

Mikan bravely declares that she will take all of his hits, to do anything to protect her friends. She tells them to run for it and leave her to face Persona, but Aoi rushes to confront Persona. She still mistakenly thinks there’s a bond between them, that maybe she can get through to him, but he quickly proves her wrong, telling her that he won’t hesitate to use his alice on her as well if she doesn’t move aside.

He’s about to attack her, but Mikan gets in the way, not keen on her sacrifice being for nothing. She protects Aoi, perhaps in Natsume’s stead. In her final sacrifice, she is able to crack his earring, which protects him from “looking like a monster”, and now he looks on the outside the way he does on the inside, entirely corrupted by his own alice.

Now Persona is no longer a threat, as he has run away, but there remains the problem of Mikan, who has been directly hit by his alice and doesn’t stand a chance of surviving.

This whole thing is quite interesting. Natsume is practically useless here. He doesn't protect anybody: not Mikan, not Aoi, not anybody. In fact, he's the one who has to be protected. Mikan did in one day what Natsume has been doing his whole life, and she's paying for it with her life, which is what happens when somebody always chooses the happiness of others over their own.

He's so physically unwell that even his anger and rage can't assist the situation. He can't do anything. Mikan gets hit over and over and over again and all he can do is watch helplessly. You'd think an experience like this would perhaps inspire some understanding in him. Watching somebody die for you is horrible, especially when you feel so powerless as it happens. You cannot stop it from happening. You just watch as they die. But Natsume does not come away from this, thinking about the potential consequences for his martyr complex. Instead, he will do everything he can to make sure nobody ever hurts themselves to protect him again. He will protect everyone even more, to save them from the death that awaits them if they have to protect him.

If they protect him, after all, it's his fault for not being as observant, for not doing a better job. He's the soldier, the martyr. He's the one who should die for others.

Chapter Sixty-Nine

Natsume went into the dungeon, willing to give up his life, fully aware that he might never see his friends again, because it was worthwhile to him as long as he could save his sister. Despite his determination, Natsume couldn’t protect anybody. Mikan protected him, protected Hotaru, protected Aoi. The girl he loves is going to die now, and it’s his fault, because he couldn’t actually protect anybody and in turn had to be protected.

Mikan was also saying very Natsume-esque things, like “it doesn’t matter what happens to me, as long as the people I care about are safe”, and willing to give up her future for the sake of Natsume and Aoi’s futures together. He’d never wanted to be on the receiving end of selflessness. That’s his job. He’s supposed to be the one sacrificing and dying for everyone else.

In this moment, he’s powerless, because for all his talk, Aoi is free because of Mikan, and now Mikan will die, and he can’t do anything about it.

Because of this, when they all rush to Subaru and Sakurano to get Mikan immediate medical help, Natsume speaks up and takes responsibility. He promises to take Aoi and leave the academy so nobody else will suffer because of him anymore. Besides, he won’t be allowed to live normally at the school anymore anyway (he'd be in a dungeon), and it’s best for everyone, in his mind, to have him out of their hair.

His determination crumbles when Mikan wakes up just enough to sadly ask him if he’s really leaving. She looks upset at the thought of him gone, and all his resolve falls apart.

He was supposed to be protecting her and he failed. She had to take it all on because he messed up, and now she's dying. And on top of that, he's hurting her, telling her he's going to leave her. He put her in this situation and now he's just gonna leave? What kind of monster is he?

Well, he was going to but how is he supposed to do it now when you look so sad?

He can't ever leave her.

But the upperclassmen rebuke his plan anyway as unrealistic and unsound. Natsume is physically distressed and Aoi is blind, so escape will not be so easy. Besides, there’s no guarantee that Natsume taking all the blame will mean anything to the ESP, who will simply punish everyone else involved in his stead. His plan was idealistic.

But Ruka brings up a good point: why should Aoi be forced to stay in the academy when she isn’t even an alice anymore? This leads to a better plan: cause a much bigger scandal around the academy than what happened in the Hana Hime den dungeon. They’d force the school’s hand and possibly be able to get out of the situation largely unscathed.

He stands by Aoi's side. He's going to protect her and save her, because he couldn't do it before. More than that, he knows he can't leave. He'll do what he can to prove to Aoi how much she matters because he won't be coming with her and she might not see him for quite some time, if ever again. If Aoi is safe, he can focus more energy on protecting others, especially Mikan, who will need all the protecting she can get now that she's upset the academy higher ups.

For now, what matters is that they start a scandal around Aoi being held captive and abused by the academy for years.

As a result, a riot breaks out, with people either outraged that a non-alice was allowed in their midst for long or because the Hyuuga siblings suffered so much so that Natsume could become a child soldier. Thus the ESP is distracted with trying to suppress that, though he does still blame Mikan for the whole thing.

Chapter Seventy

While Mikan recuperates, strangely saved by her mysterious stealing alice, Natsume has been causing mayhem with his sister. The school is unhappy and there will be serious consequences to come, but at least he won’t be trapped in a dungeon, and Mikan won’t die.

In fact, because this scandal has exposed the truth about Natsume's situation, on the surface, the school will have to put an end to the abuse they put him through. No more beatings. No more missions. It's all about PR, and apparently people don't like seeing that kids are abused by their school. For a moment, it might really seem like things will be looking up for him. Unfortunately, nothing is quite so simple.

It is time to say good-bye to Aoi, because she cannot be forced to stay with all the scandal surrounding her. Many kids are there, which Natsume points out since it was supposed to be a secret send-off.

So many people came because they wanted to meet Aoi and because they have come to the conclusion that because Aoi is leaving, Natsume has no reason to stay either. After all, he only came to the school to keep his sister safe. Now that she won’t be held over his head anymore, why would he stick around?

Yes, he stayed for Mikan and all that, but Natsume is somehow still somewhat surprised that so many other kids in Class B care about him and don't want to see him go.

And then we see a flashback, where Aoi begs Natsume to leave the school with her, even pleading that he doesn’t leave her on her own anymore. But Natsume doesn’t have a choice. Like Sakurano and Subaru said, even if it was feasible for him to leave the school, leaving would only put the rest of them in danger. They would be held responsible for what happened in his stead and they’d be punished for his sake. And Aoi was not the only person being held over his head to begin with. Ruka and Mikan and even Yo-chan are incredibly important to him, and they have also been used as blackmail for Natsume to perform on missions.

And more than anything, Mikan almost died to protect him. He failed and she got hurt, and he can't ever allow something like that to happen again. He will do anything he can to keep her safe going forward, and that will involve a great deal of sacrifice in the future. But he's always been the protector, so he is willing to throw himself into the role of being Mikan's guardian angel. From now on, it's all about her. He simply won't allow himself to fail her again.

He tells Aoi that he can’t leave. His friends are here. But he promises to see her again, when he leaves the academy. Aoi understands, and she’s happy for her brother that he has so many people he cares about who care about him too. She used to be the only one who really understood him, how selfless he was and how many burdens he was carrying. But now he’s properly understood by so many people. She can count on them to look after him.

Natsume grew up with the idea that he has to look after other people. Aoi tells his friends to look after him, letting it be known that Natsume needs to be protected sometimes too, and that he can’t be allowed to sacrifice himself forever.

Then, Natsume is able to see his father again, for the first time since he told the driver to speed up. His dad hugs Aoi, and the gate is closed, but Natsume still goes to hug them both through the gate. The moment is touching, as it’s the first time Natsume has been able to contact his family at all in more than two years, but it’s cut short. He can’t stand by the gate forever, after all.

Listen I tried my best but this picture got me bursting into tears.

This whole moment in time is just like the family visit: too short. It should be enough that we can see Natsume happy, right? He will get everything he wants for one split second, and then he will go right back to suffering, because that's how he was always meant to be. Eternally suffering for the sake of everybody else.

Mikan is then reminded that they all have to be on their best behavior going forward or they’ll risk losing stars, but losing any stars for Mikan would send her right back to being a no-star again. In response to her panic, Ruka tosses his stars. It’s only symbolic. He’s still a triple, of course. But tossing them is supposed to represent solidarity with Mikan, and understanding from Natsume. Those stars symbolized Natsume’s suffering and endless trauma. By throwing them, Ruka is telling him that he understands what Natsume went through for them, and that he’s okay with a no-star status if Natsume is less burdened. After all, Natsume shouldn't be going on missions anymore. If Ruka's star rank is lowered, it's worth it, because Natsume will be safe and happy in exchange.

Ruka is now intent on helping to protect Mikan’s smile, no matter the cost. He then thinks, “You’ve been ready to do that for a long time, haven’t you, Natsume?”

Natsume is very smiley for a kid whose gonna go "volunteer" to suffer endlessly for his friends and the love of his life.

After all, Natsume is staying, more or less, to protect his friends, namely Mikan, who almost died to protect him. He won’t let her give any more up for his sake. That’s his job, and he’ll go back to serving it with no hesitation. His missions are supposed to stop. Coercing him will no longer be about holding Aoi over his head. The school instead will shape it like it's his idea, his choice. He can stop, if he wants, but if he chooses to continue, very good things will happen for his friends.

His suffering in the DA class is about to get a lot worse.

Conclusion

Natsume put his life on the line, risking everything to save Aoi, but in the end Mikan is the one who paid the price. Instead of viewing Mikan's sacrifice as affectionate or touching, he's angry with himself for having put her in the situation to begin with. He will never allow her to be in danger again. No matter what happens, he will be there to protect her. It has just become his life's mission. Though Aoi is safe and his missions and abuse under the school should end, they have really only just begun.

Like I was saying, Natsume doesn't do very much at the end of this arc, which is kind of the point, but it also leaves some chapters' analysis somewhat threadbare. I apologize for that.

Going forward, we'll see that Natsume has a new attitude. The illusion of choice regarding the abuse he faces from the school has given him some semblance of peace, because he's content with his duty of protecting Mikan. Every smile from her means he's doing his job right.

<- Previous Next ->

[uniqorrn]

Bellamy Blake x Reader

Location: The Dropship

Summary: After leaving the camp with Clarke, Jasper, Octavia, Monty, and Fin in attempt at getting to the mountains you make the mistake of following Octavia into the fresh water you find along the way. After Octavia is attacked by a creature in the water she is saved by Jasper. You all think you're safe but, the creature comes back for more and takes you this time instead, leaving you injured when the group finally saves you. However, Bellamy isn't too happy to see that both his sister and his girlfriend come back to camp wounded.

Warnings: ⚠️ language, kind of a make-out session/a little smutty, blood, being attacked by a creature, injuries, mentions of drowning/drowning like scenes, overprotective! and jealous! Bellamy(but hey who doesn't like that 😉)

Pairing(s): Bellamy Blake x Reader some Fin x Reader if you squint.

Words: 2,292

A/n: For this imagine the story has been altered a little bit. And I apologize if somethings wrong with the scene, I just started watching the 100 so I apologize in advance if i anything seems off or wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your POV:

"Are you sure we're going the right way, Clarke?" You groaned out as you stepped over yet another large tree root. You had been walking for hours and your body was tired. All you wanted was to sit down and rest for just a minute.

"Yes, I'm sure." She paused, taking in a deep breath as she looked around at the woods. "I at least think we are."

"Maybe we should go back to ca-"

"Hey, guys! Check this out!" You were interrupted by a sudden shout, turning your head in the direction of the shout you sped up your pace until you moved into a run. Your e/c eyes widened at the sight, allowing them to dance across the crystal still water that laid in front of you.  A wide grin tugged at your lips as you turned to look at Octavia, giving her that same mischievous smirk that she was giving you.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" She laughed, her eyes darting back out to the still water.

"Hell yeah!" You shouted, pumping your fist into the air before starting to take off your jeans as you watched Octavia begin to break the still water, creating ripples the further she walked in.

"Man, I love earth" you heard Jasper mumble behind you. You rolled your eyes at his comment knowing he was watching you and Octavia strip of your clothes. With that same smirk you followed Octavia into the water, sighing at the cold sensation that wrapped around your body the deeper you went. However, you only made it waist deep in the water when the group behind you began shouting.

"Get out of the water!"

"Get out of the water now you guys!" Your eyes widened at the way the water moved. Fast ripples and waves moved towards you and Octavia at a lightning fast speed. You turned on your feet and moved out of the water as fast as you could, slipping and sliding on the wet rocks beneath your feet as the water restricted your movements. The rest of the group were up on the rocks, shouting and reaching their hands out towards you and Octavia. You managed to get closer to the rocks to grab Fins hand, who pulled you out of the water and onto land unharmed. Without a minute of rest you turned around quickly, screaming out your bestfriends name in fear.

"Octavia!" You cried, letting go of Fins arm as you fell to the ground near the edge of the rock you were standing on. Your eyes landed on Octavia just as the creature took her under the water, your eyes glazing over with tears instantly.

"Octavia! No!" You continued to cry out for her, your eyes searching the deep river for any signs of her. Just as soon as everyone thought she was gone, she broke the surface again and dragged around in circles, screaming for help.

"Quick! Help me distract it. Maybe it will let her go." Clarke shouted, pushing a large boulder into the water with the help of Fin. Just as she thought, the creature let go of Octavia and rushed to the splash that was created by the giant rock. Jasper ran to the waters surface, jumping in and pulling her out of the water and onto land safely.

"Octavia! Your leg." Clarke mumbled, pointing to the smaller wound on her upper thigh. I stayed sitting on the cold wet rock, watching the group from a distance as they checked on her wound. I was too busy focusing on slowing my breathing that I didn't notice the creature was coming back until something grabbed my ankle. A sharp, loud scream left my throat as I was dragged back into the freezing cold water. As I went under, I inhaled some of the river water, coughing it back up and gasping for air as I surfaced.

"Y/n!" The group shouted, rushing to the edge of the rock.

"Y/n! Hold on! Quick, Somebody help her!" I could hear Octavia's terrified shouts from the shore as the creature dragged me around the water. However, everyone was frozen In place and too shocked to do anything. Another sharp scream left my throat as sharp teeth sank into my waist and left arm, blood staining the water red as it leaked from my body and into the river.

"S-Somebody... h-help me!" I coughed out, reaching my right hand out of the water as if someone would grab it and help pull me out. By this time I had inhaled too much water and was becoming dizzy from the lack of oxygen. As spots started clouding my vision everything stopped, the creature released me from its hold and suddenly I was floating, kicking myself up above the waters surface to try and inhale what oxygen I could. My body grew tired the more I kicked, pain shooting up my left side with each thrust as i kicked myself closer to the shore. My head started to go under again, my breathing turning into desperate gasps.

"It's alright, I got you now." Fins hands wrapped around my arm, pulling me out of the water and back onto the shore. He pressed me against his chest as I coughed up more water onto the rocks, groaning at the pain that throbbed on my left side. He gently put me down on the ground, rolling me onto my side to let the water fall from my mouth.

"Oh god.. Y/n! Are you okay?!" Octavia shouted, her eyes glossing over as she looked at the deep gash on my waist.

"I-I'm alright..-" I paused to cough, wincing at the pain in my side. "I think anyway" I forced out a laugh, soon followed by another short coughing fit.

"Let's get you two back to camp, those injuries are bad." Clarke said, the others all nodding in agreement as they crowded around me.

"Wait you guys.." Jaspers eyes widened, his lip quivering slightly. It's like he was frozen with fear, even greater fear than what we just went through.

"What Jasper? We don't have time to wait." Clarke lectured, per usual for her. There was a rather long pause as we all waited for Jasper to speak up again. And when he finally did the groups eyes widened in fear, swallowing the lumps in their throats as he uttered those five words.

"Bellamy's going to kill us."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Someone get me some medical supplies!" Clarke shouted as we made it into the clearing of the camp. All eye turned to look at us, hushed gasps and whispered filling the clearing as Jasper helped Octavia sit down on a log and while Fin placed me on the floor next to her, helping me lean back against the log for support. Bellamy and Murphy were in the back of the large crowd that had gathered around. They shared a look, Bellamy's jaw flexing as he pushed forward through the crowd, Murphy following quickly behind.

"What the hell happened here?" That voice. That stern, deep, husky voice you knew all to well sounded above all the commotion. You raised your head slightly, giving Bellamy a tired smile as Fin adjusted you once more for Clarke to be able to work her magic. Murphy stood next to Bellamy, the two giving each other a worried yet curious stare as their eyes landed on my wounds.

"Ow! Clarke that stings!" I hissed out, jerking backward slightly as she applied some ointment to the wound. Bellamy walked up to Octavia first, sending Fin and Clarke a glare as they ignored his protests and questions. But, I didn't fail to see that stern glare he sent their way as he squatted down next to his sister. He was always overprotective of me and his sister but, when it came to me it was a whole new level of overprotective. I was used to it by now but, it still sent butterflies to my stomach knowing he still felt and acted the same way as when we first met.

"I'm sorry, Y/n. But, we need to clean the wound, it could get infected." You could hear Bellamy and Octavia mumbling at the other end of the log. Bellamy's jaw tightened in anger and worry the more he heard your painful moans. He hated seeing you hurt in anyway so, you can imagine the shock he had when he saw you entering the camp with a bloody gash on your waist and a rather large scratch on your left arm. He wasn't there to protect you and that pissed him off even more. After Clarke was done she and Fin walked over to Octavia, leaving you alone for only a few seconds before Bellamy was right at your side.

"Are you crazy? You could've gotten yourself killed Y/n!" He mumbled, placing a hand on your shoulder as he used the other one to lean on, giving himself some support.

"I'm fine, Bellamy. Fin pulled me out of-"

"Fin?! Why is it always about Fin nowadays!" He whisper-yelled, his face turning red in anger and jealousy.

"Bellamy calm down! I'm alive thanks to him-"

"I'm not going to calm down Y/n! You could have died! don't you get it? you could have died out there and I wouldn't know. I don't like that he touched you.. I don't like that he was the one that pulled you out of the water. I don't like that he's the one who brought you back to camp wrapped up in his arms as if he was your boyfriend-" I cut off his jealous rant with a kiss, pressing my lips onto his in a heated kiss. His breathing slowed down and his muscles began to relax as our lips moved in sync. After a minute we broke away for air, resting our foreheads against each others. He moved his lips down to my neck to place rough yet sweet kisses there, earning a gasp out of me. He placed feather light kisses the rest of the way down, stopping at my exposed shoulder -as I was wearing a tank top- to place small, light, loving kisses there. A small groan left my lips at his light touch which caused him to smirk against my skin. He knew exactly what he was doing and only made his ego bigger.

"Bell.. Not here. Not in front of everyone." I mumbled, pushing his head up so he could look me in the eyes again.

"Why not? Everyone should know that you belong to me." He smirked, tucking his hand underneath my legs as the other wrapped around my lower back, careful not to touch the wound on my hip. He stood up with me in his arms-bridal style- as he started walking to his tent. Giving Fin a sharp glare and a smirk as he passed him before entering me and his shared tent. He gently set me on the cot, giving me another hot kiss on my lips. He placed his hands on either side of me to support himself as he hovered over me. His black curly hair fell over his face as he planted his lips back on my neck, kissing and sucking till a sharp gasp left my throat once again. He abused that spot for a moment, smirking against my skin as our breathing became heavier and our bodies became hotter.

"You're lucky you're injured right now or else I wouldn't be holding back." His hot breath hit against my skin as he spoke, making another quiet moan leave my throat.

"Oh really?" I smirked, placing a firm kiss on his toned jawline. He took in a sharp breath, falling to lay beside me on the cot. His signature smirk was plastered on his face as he made himself comfortable next to me, his hand running down the thigh that wasn't injured.

"Now you've got me all hot and bothered, babe." I grumbled, scooting down so I could lay my head on his bicep, giving him a small kiss on the cheek before I snuggled into his chest.

"You could say it's payback for almost dying on me."

"Well, you'll just have to punish me when I'm better don't you think?" I questioned. I already knew what his answer would be but, I enjoyed the teasing.

"Oh you know it babygirl." He smirked, looking down at me with those dark, brooding eyes. oh boy were you in for a treat once your wound healed.

[notsuchacleverboyq]

00Q Prompt

James' Lover.

I've read tons of Fanfictions / oneshots in which Q is stuck in an abusive relationship. I really like the idea (because ✨drama✨), but what if it was James who's stuck in such a situation?

His head was aching when he got to the MI6, not exactly knowing why he had walked there.

It had been a rough night for James, despite how he didn't want to admit such, and the chills and pain in his body were the ultimate proof.

The agent stared at the entrance, regretting the long walk he had gone through to get there. He just wanted to disappear, to be nowhere, to just get it to end; but James had been fighting against his breath for a whole hour, struggling to keep it steady and calm.

For the first time in years, he had lost control over himself.

The oxygen seemed to completely miss his lungs as the thought about just getting back home convinced him to finally enter the building.

Despite the time, the corridors weren't completely empty as he had hoped, and James straightened the neck of his coat, trying to cover as much skin as possible when a man stared at his bruises with an usual awe.

Among all of those familiar faces, James was searching for Q's, being hopeful of finding him buried in his office, or in the lab.

The walk downstairs felt infinite and the agent eventually lost control over his breath, trying to not show how he was fighting to get air into his lungs.

When he entered the lab, throwing the doors open, Q turned around with a quick movement, holding something that James' mind paid no attention to.

Q looked at him with a confused expression, quickly approaching the agent.

- 007, you haven't been assigned any mission. What have you gotten yourself into? - the quartermaster asked.

There was a small fraction of silence in which James tried to reply with something, his breath hitching suddenly and leaving him to ridiculously sob for air.

- For heaven's sake, 007! - Q blurted out, visibly worried as he grabbed the agent's hand.

James didn't even try to put up resistance and just let himself being lead to the absurd sofa that had been placed in corner of the room, his other hand resting on his own throat as his sobs seemed to suffocate him.

Q got him to sit with no ceremonies and James hid his face in the palms of his hands once he had noticed he was crying out of panic and fear.

- Bond? - Q called, but the agent didn't move, not wanting the quartermaster to notice the fright in his eyes.

Q seemed to move to his side, but not walking away.

- James? - Q called again, with so much softness in his voice that Bond shivered in surprise.

Feeling the quartermaster's gentle touch around his hands, James surrendered to him, turning his head away as his face got uncovered.

There was an exasperated sigh from Q, who had sat down next to James, before the quartermaster's hand cupped the man's cheek, forcing him to turn his head back.

- Please, shelve your pride for a moment and breath - Q murdered and James leaned in the touch with another sob.

The agent nodded absently and hated how he sounded like a beaten dog when he grumbled in response.

The first breath was the hardest, leaving him to try several times before he could manage a long, shaky breathing without sobbing.

- Good job. Keep it like that - Q hummed with a so sweet smile that James' heart hitched at the sight.

The agent nodded obediently, managing a few more breaths before the sobs were gone and left only cold chills in James' body.

- Better? - Q asked, still caressing James' cheek and analysing the straight cuts that ran over the skin.

The agent immediately shook his head, feeling really far from being fine.

Q groaned in response, his eyes still locked on the cuts and James hoped that their shape wasn't making understand what had happened.

- My I ask you what you how you've gotten these? - Q asked, grazing James' cheek with his fingertips.

The agent didn't reply, he just tried to find an excuse as soon as possible.

- Lucy - Q snapped and it wasn't a question.

He had pronounced that woman's name with an amount of hate and rage that James had never heard from him before.

- Those are nails, right? - the quartermaster asked.

- Yes - James answered, his voice still trembling in panic, and looked away in shame.

Without a word, Q got up from the sofa, almost causing James to flinch due to the quickness of his movements; still not looking up, the agent heard the quartermaster tinkering with something a few steps away.

Bond raised his gaze only when Q came back with a glass of water.

- You need it - the quartermaster explain, after seeing the other's questioning expression.

James took the glass, sipping from it absentmindedly.

- What happened? - Q asked softly, sitting back next to the agent.

Noticing the young man's gaze wandering over his bruised neck, James sighed and was overwhelmed by shame.

- I've been bloody stupid: that's what happened - he mumbled, hiding his face in the glass.

Q hummed in response, not talking for a moment.

- I must disagree - the quartermaster responded and James puffed, knowing Q was expecting a real explanation of the events.

- I broke a glass - the agent eventually spilled out, his eyes lost in the water.

Q frowned immediately at James' answer.

- And she did this only because of a broken glass? - he snapped.

The agent nodded, before sighing.

- No...actually it's because...well let's say that I keep coming home late, I'm always abroad and sleep with other people - he stuttered.

- Well, that doesn't sound like a justification to me - Q bursted out.

James shrugged, the quartermaster's tone causing his breath to go uneven.

- That's what she said - Bond explained.

Of course, Q knew that James wasn't allowed (fortunately) to reveal his job to a partner unless said partner was long lasting and worth such a trust. Clearly, Lucy wasn't neither of those.

- I...she attacked me and I did nothing - the agent muttered, more tears forming in his eyes.

He felt how Q shifted, probably noticing the tears, and not being able to act as stoic and untouchable as always was driving him crazy.

- I'm a bloody double-0: how am I supposed to survive in the field if I let a civilian to this to me...without even reacting? - James snapped, his hands shaking in anger.

With an exhale, Q moved closer and took the glass away from James' hands.

- If you put a frog into boiling water, it will jump out immediately; but if you gradually warm up the water, the frog will notice something is wrong only when it's too late - he said and James immediately looked up at him, almost annoyed by the laughable typology of anedoct.

- What is that supposed to mean? - the agent asked, trying to not sound harsh.

- You survive in the field because you're expecting to be hurt, so you notice the bad behaviours first. Lucy has showed to you as a sweet person, because a lover isn't supposed to hurt you, and gradually started hurting you - Q explained.

James grumbled sceptically, finding easier to just blame it on himself than trying to convince his brain to do otherwise.

- Also, I know that you'd rather die than hurt someone you love - Q added, lowering his voice.

The agent found himself nodding in response, since he wasn't able to argue with that.

- Do you need medical assistance? - the quartermaster asked.

James' eyes went wide at the question and, quickly shaking his head, he grabbed Q's wrist as if the young man was going to go and call a doctor in a few seconds.

- Hell no - the agent snapped.

Q flinched when his wrist was grabbed all of a sudden, but didn't try to break free.

- Why not? - he questioned.

- I don't want them to know - James admitted, thinking about what others would think about 007 getting beaten up like that.

With an heavy sigh and a nodded, Q seemed to agree.

- Alright - was the answer, while the quartermaster kept scanning James' skin, visibly searching for other injuries.

As Q moved the collar of his coat in order to expose James' neck, the agent found himself flinching and fearing of moving back at the same moment. The quartermaster quickly stopped what he was doing as a result of Bond's reaction.

- I'm sorry: I was looking for wounds - Q explained and James nodded.

- There are only bruises - the agent assured him, noticing Q's sceptical expression, but was grateful that the young man didn't ask further.

With a sniff, James returned to look absently at the ground, stiffing in reproach about how weak he had been.

- I might need to alert M: this could be an hostility against MI6 and they could pay her a visit - Q eventually said.

James' head quickly raised at those words, but then he noticed Q's smart smile and smirked.

- Are you being protective? - James jested and the quartermaster chuckled.

- I'm just making sure she regrets your relationship as much as you do - Q explained and James' chest warmed up at the thought, causing him to smile sincerely.

The warm grew more as the quartermaster placed his hand on the agent's cheek, looking at him with a soft expression.

- That's the smile I want to see - Q murmured.

Part two here.

[animalarte]

When Elizabeth and Meliodas first met (part 1)

Hi! I decided I wanted to make an English version of this fanfic 'cause many of you don't speak in Spanish (even if not many end up reading it).

Spanish version here (the second part in Spanish is linked to it)

I'm rewriting everything myself so there may be some different things from the Spanish version, but the idea will be the same. I'll be posting both the new chapter and the English version of the previous one in the same week (more or less, if nothing gets in the way) so let's see where this takes us.

Part 2 - part 3

Wandering through the vast lands of Britain, the demon ended up there once again. He had just told his brother to take the army back to the kingdom, while he cleared his mind.

War was hell. The constant suffering and death was getting the best of him, and if he didn't cool out, it would drive him mad. This place, hidden from the rest of the world, was his special spot, the only place where he could relax. It was a clearing in a very dense forest, with a natural leaf roof that only let the light from the sun and moon go through. The trees were so tangled, only something less than a meter tall could cross.

All his life, Meliodas had lived under the protection of his father in the Demon Realm. There, the light form the goddesses could not reach, and the miasma allowed a good development for the little ones. Before the war, demons and goddesses always hated each other. It was their nature. But their leaders kept a non-violence truce in order to prevent a mayor bloodshed and probable continent degradation. But it had been broken. He could still remember that night, when it all changed. Most people didn't know about it, everyone thought the demons had started the war. But it wasn't true. There was no point in complaining now, though. So many had died from both sides that it wouldn't stop, even if the truth was revealed. Specially the Demon King, his father, would never back down. Since that night, he hadn't been himself. He didn't care if his people died or lived through the battles. He seemed to have forgotten his sons were just children, demanding them to become strong at a very young age, to go out there and kill the enemy without hesitation. Like they had the same motivations as him to fight. All the old king could think of, was getting his revenge on the Supreme Goddess. His little brother couldn't remember, he was too young when it happened, but he wouldn't forget it.

This place was the only reason he wasn't crazy like his father. The sound of the leaves and birds singing filling the wind. The warmth of the dimmed sun and the fact that no one came here, mad it the only site where war didn't exist. He had to hid it from others to keep it that way.

That day, he had fallen asleep on the high grass. It was so peaceful, all the stress of the last big battle just melted away. A fox curiously sniffing his hair woke him up. He sat to caress it, and saw her. A winged girl with silver hair was chilling not far from him. She was... so beautiful. Meliodas didn't understand how he had missed such a powerful source of magic so close to him, and why this goddess hadn't attacked him in his sleep. He hadn't realized he was staring until she opened her eyes, and gave back a smile as the fox ran into her arms and licked her cheek. Mel couldn't help the warmth that the scene gave him. That kind of happiness he had only experienced a few times in his life. He relaxed again.

-I didn't think I would find someone here. Do you come often?- She said with a sweet and calm voice. Mel had gotten unaccustomed to being talked like that, with no fear. He liked it.

-Any time I need a break. I had never seen you around- He'd had such a nice evening so far that his voice wasn't even the usual arrogant. And this goddess didn't seem mean either. He had no reason to be in the defensive.

-If I can get away of my bodyguards- Great, Meliodas thought, she's someone important. Sometime, I'll have to take care of her. -I love coming here. Is the only place I know without suffering. Sorry I didn't announce myself, you were sleeping so peacefully I couldn't bring myself to disturb you- Mel thought this must be some kind of joke. No goddess was like that. Her light was so intense, she couldn't be a regular one. But her magic wasn't the usual threatening. Instead it was gentile and cozy. He couldn't quite understand the feeling of being near her.

-Who are you- He asked with distrust.

-My name is Elizabeth- She said with no further explanation -And you? I barely realized you were a demon-

-I'm... Meliodas- He hesitated before revealing himself. Surely this goddess would attack him when she knew who he was. But she didn't even react with the name. Instead she smiled politely and began playing with the fox.

-Who knew that when demons sleep, their mark disappears? I don't usually get the chance to speak with your kind- She looked at him in the eyes, now black -What is your world like?- She seemed to be honestly asking. Mel couldn't find any indication that she was planning something or trying to get info out of him, so he decided to answer nicely.

-It's very different from this one. There is never this much light, and the miasma is part of the air. People live their life with their families, and children go wherever they want. Usually, the King makes sure they are all safe- He was describing what the kingdom used to be before the war with sincerity, though it couldn't be because of the girl's mental powers. He had trained specially to keep his mind strong and out of the goddesses reach.

-Don't families fight each other?- He looked at her strangely, before remembering how most of the world saw demons, like mindless monsters.

-Of course not. Each family is very united, and respect the others. Also they usually live far away from each other, since they all are adapted to different environments. Our King keeps everyone with a home, covering their needs. Interactions are only voluntary- He said. He was surprised Elizabeth was still listening. Usually no one cared for the demon's way of living.

-They are all so different?- She asked.

-Yeah. Only those related look alike- Eli thought of it for a minute. Then said:

-But I only saw a few different kinds of demons in the battlefield- Mel got a little disappointed. This girl participated in the war. She wasn't innocent, and probably had murdered many of his subjects with that bright light. He pushed the thought aside. He still didn't want the conversation to end.

-Those are just low-ranked soldiers. They can follow orders and fight, but don't have the comprehension to lead a life. In times of peace, they are usually adopted by the local families. They can feel love and fear, so they are considered our equals, though most of them can hardly make up a sentence-

-Aren't those considered as a lower class? And don't your differences divide you?- Meliodas knew where this wired ideas came from, but he decided to be patient with her.

-No. We all know what it is like to be rejected and hated by other races that consider us different in a negative way, so we have each other's back- He had almost forgotten how it was living among the other inhabitants of the Underworld. The children learned to act with others like they were all one big family, that had no prejudices and integrated everyone equally, even the servants and the princes. He used to be just like everyone else, feel part of something bigger. He hadn't realized how much he missed that, and he wondered if his home would be like that ever again. He got lost in thought, to find Elizabeth with a look of sadness.

-It must be heaven- She said. Mel knew she actually lived in heaven, so he didn't understand.

-What do you mean?- She took a deep breath.

-Where I come from, society is made of prejudices and first impressions. Social classes are identified by how perfect the goddess can be. It is a huge pressure, and many hide their despair before realizing they feel it. It's always been this way, it cannot be changed. But at the end of the day, I feel very lonely, like I don't know anybody and no one really knows me- For some reason, Meliodas couldn't bare to see her like this. The very thought made him sad, but he didn't know why or how to make it go away. All he knew, is that he was getting a little jealous on the fox that was now sleeping on Eli's lap, getting her to caress him under the chaw and behind the ears.

-I'm lonely too. Ever since the war began, all I did was train and fight. I never saw my friends again, I don't even know if they are still alive, and I find it very hard to get close to my only brother, who recently gave up on trying so talk to me- He found himself saying. As the words came out of his moth, his mind processed the truth within them. A tear came down his cheek before he could stop it -Killing and fighting all the time, even if you don't care for the other's life, can degrade someone's soul- His voice cracked for the first time in years, and though he was sad, he didn't want the moment to end. Because when it did, he would have to pretend not to feel anything again. The goddess sighted at him with sympathy, and said:

-You don't seem like the kind that would kill and wouldn't care. You're such a nice guy- Meliodas didn't think she could be talking about him. She had only known him for a few minutes. The fox got up and rubbed his fur on the demon's arm like proving her point.

-You're also nicer than most goddesses I know. They are all coldblooded- A little laugh came out of that depressed grin, at last.

-I know. They all follow the orders of our Goddess, the Supreme Deity. They also consider the demons as their absolute enemies, and think that killing them is nothing to be regretful for. Actually they celebrate it. I can't understand that- This girl was definitely something. It had been a long time since Mel last hoped for someone from an other race to say something of the sort, and he couldn't believe what he heard. He let the surprise and and amazement permeate his face. Then he looked up, and saw how late it had gotten. He was supposed to have returned by now.

He got up and looked back at Elizabeth one more time. -Will I find you here tomorrow?- She smiled at him.

-Sure- She said. He approached a hole in the branches, hidden from view but big enough for him to fit, and left.

[trash-monkey]

Shika

Death is not a kind person, they never was and they never will be. They like many things in life is just doing their job and when it was my time to go like everything else I greeted them with smile, which I guess surprise them for that not many greet them like an old friend and usually souls beg them to go back but not this one. I was satisfied with how I lived my life even though it was short and ready to move on but I was not prepared to open my eyes once again.

The morning sunlight pours through the window and into the room, I can hear a door opening before a women's face comes into my view smiling like no tomorrow. Long black silky hair flows from her head and over her shoulders, a pale complexion adores her skin, and making her forest green eyes pop. At first I didn't understand what she was saying when she began to speak to me but the language seems familiar, she started picking me up when realization smacks me across the face when I meet my reflection in the mirror that's hanging in the room. I got the hint I was a child again when she picked me up but that wasn't what shocked me, it was who I look like. A Nara is exactly what I look like but does that mean I'm in the clan? I have so many questions but have no way to ask them without being suspicious so I decided to wait for the answers to come to me.

I should have pick up the hints but I didn't really get them until Mother finally took me out with her for some shopping, we don't live where I thought we lived and the rest of the pieces falls into place. My bological Father or any Father figure is no where to be seen so I gathered that my Mother had me by accident from a one at stand which also proves why we aren't in Konoha or in the Nara clans compound, I also gathered that my bological Father doesn't even know I exist which might bring problems in the future if I ever visit the Leaf Village

By the time I turned three I can walk without any assistance and speak as best my vocals will allow me, over the few years of being born I did do some mistakes like saying words I shouldn't know yet or know things other kids didn't but since Mother never rised a Nara before she just assume that's how a Nara is since it's common knowledge of Nara's intelligence and laziness. One day I was sitting outside watching the clouds, such a Shikarmaru thing to do but I don't care, Mother sit next to me with a serious face which doesn't happen often so I sit up and turned my attention to her.

"This world is not kind, Shika." She said while watching the clouds pass by, Mother's tall just like the men along with some muscle but she still looks pretty like the women of lower height and elegance. Her looks can deceive a lot of people since she doesn't look like she knows how to fight but she isn't fragile like most people think, she can and will be cruel if she has to be.

"I know Mother." Already knowing what she about to ask since we live in a village that's doesn't have many shinobi and can be attack any day, hearing this she smirks before turning her head to his.

"One day you'll find someone to protect with every fiber of your being." She pats my head before standing and walking to the house without another word but I know she's silently asking me to follow. I quickly stood and ran after her knowing my days of lazing around is over.

Her training was not kind either just like I have expected it to be which half of it is my fault since I told her I wish to be flexible so I can bend in ways someone won't expect, she giggled at that but told me that was a great idea. She also taught me how to throw different weapons and had me do it every evening before supper along with taijutsu but once she thought I was good enough with her chakra exercises she started to blind fold me.

"At some point in life you'll face an opponent you can't see or you'll have your vision taking away." Is all she said when she had wrapped the blind fold around my eyes the first time and let me walk around the house with it on. I didn't question her like others would because I know I would need this ability no matter what so I got familiar with the house lay out before she began to have me sit and predict when she's going to hit me with rolled up paper. There are days where she'll let me see and there are others where she wouldn't, I asked her if she has this ability and she responded with a yes that her parents had taught her it but she lost it after her parents death when she thought she didn't need it like a fool.

When I turned ten I have already started wearing the blind fold during training and while going out, Mother said I have gone farther to master this ability then she had at this age and I can hear the pride in her voice when she said this. Once she sees that I'm responsible when she not at my side and even continued my training without asking me to she begin to leave me at home alone which I don't really mind.

When I'm fourteen going on to fifteen life is going smooth, I have already got a job in the village while Mother has seen me as an adult with the ability to taking care of myself and the house while continue my training she started traveling to different villages again like she told me she did before I was born. Two months later and a week of turning fifteen Mother had returned home, so I fix a us a fancy dinner that day and I listened to her as she told me of her travel but at the end she goes quite. I did what I always do when she goes quite I listen, she told me on her way back home she found out that she pregnant. I took her hand and give it a squeeze causing her to look up at me, I smiled at her while say that she isn't alone this time. She just smiled back saying that I would be a great brother and that she's very proud of me before giving me a hug.

Sweat rolls down the bare skin of my chest while flexing my body to it's limits in the evening sun before I have to go fix supper, Mother watches from her sit on the back porch. I slowly draws in a breath before I release it while holding my position with closed eyes, I have already did throwing,taijutsu, and chakra control training. Through out the months of Mother's pregnancy I did as much as I could for her while cleaning, working, and training

"Here." Mother holds out a few scrolls after I had finished and was about to step inside the house, I smiled when I saw what was in the scrolls.

"Thank you, Mother." She rolls her eyes before giggling.

"Blind fold tomorrow." She calles after me as I head inside to shower before fixing supper and the next day I ware my blind fold like Mother asked, by now the village understands this training and that while wearing my blind fold I'm still as capable as I am without it.

The day was normal as can be, I cleaned the house and cooked us breakfast before heading to work but once I got back home in the evening the house sits in silence which is odd since Mother always greets me home, suddenly a noise fills the house causing me to panic before running towards the cause of the loud noise.........

Something went wrong......

_______________________________________________

A/N: If I got anything wrong please tell me.

[ouyangzizhensdad]

Correct me if I'm wrong but do we see in the novel during the archery competition in Qishan that LWJ is close with several members of his sect even if they remain unnamed? WwX pulls off LWJ's forehead ribbon and both LXV and several other Lans go over to comfort him before he leaves the competition. I just feel like some of the events are emphasized in CQL that show that LWJ wasn't a loner who only had LXC and WWX.

Hi Anon, 

I’m going to assume this is an out-of-the-blue ask because I can’t seem to figure out which post of mine you were responding to otherwise. 

I am not certain I can recall which events in CQL that you are referring to, but if necessary you can always specify later.

As for what is in the novel, it is indeed suggested that LWJ leads a lonesome life as a youth. He’s Lan Qiren’s proudest discipline, a prodigy of peerless beauty and manners, already far along in his cultivation studies and tasked with responsibilities that demonstrate his position within his sect (in charge of discipline, on top of doing night patrol) He’s revered, respected and feared by disciples of his generation, within and outside of his sect. 

Nie Huaisang spoke, “Wei-xiong, listen to a sincere advice of mine. [...] On this trip to Gusu, remember that there’s one person whom you shouldn’t provoke.”

“Who? Lan Qiren?”

“Not that old man,” replied Nie Huaisang. “The one you need to be careful of is his proudest disciple; Lan Zhan.”

Wei Wuxian spoke, “Gusu Shuangbi’s (姑苏双璧) Lan Zhan? Lan Wangji?”

The respectable title of Gusu Shuangbi had been bestowed upon the two sons of GusuLanShi’s current sect leader—Lan Huan and Lan Zhan. From the time they were barely out of childhood, they had been deemed by the elders of every sect as exemplary models against which to compare their own disciples. They were exceptionally famous among the juniors, it was as such only natural that anybody would recognize their names. 

“What other Lan Zhan is there?” spoke Nie Huaisang. “Yes, the one. My, he’s the same age as you and I, but he has none of the energy of a teen. He’s stiff and strict, even worse than his uncle.”

[...]

“You’re gonna die, Wei-xiong! Lan Zhan has never been at such a loss before. He’s probably after you. You should be careful. Lan Zhan will not be attending classes with us, but he’s in charge of punishments!”

Wei Wuxian was not frightened at all, waving his hand.

“What’s there to be scared of? Doesn’t everyone say that Lan Zhan is a prodigy? If he’s been accomplished from an early age, he’s probably done learning under his shufu and busy doing secluded meditation all the time.  How would he ever have time to come after me? I…”

From a characterisation standpoint, LWJ’s speech patterns also offer an interesting insight. While it makes him seem distinguished and well-learned, his erudite way of speaking frames him as someone who’s spent more time in the company of books, not of his peers. LWJ is reserved and dedicated to his cultivation, to his clan/sect and to the common good (”going where the chaos is”). He has known loss at a young age, and he is not inclined to volunteering or expressing his needs and desires. Based on all of this, we get a sense that even if other disciples of his generation did not act differently around him out of fear or deferrence or jealousy, young LWJ would have had his attention focused elsewhere than on fostering amicable relationships with kids his age. 

Still during the Cloud Recesses arc, the dynamics set up by LWJ being a prodigy/respected figure amongst his generation is further illustrated through Su She and the water ghouls incident. Su She clearly idealises LWJ and aims to emulate him, but LWJ does not appear to have a close or personal relationship with him or any of the other Lan Sect disciples who came in support. 

WWX is, seemingly, the first person to treat and try to get close to LWJ as his equal, as a friend of the same generation. The fact that they stop using their courtesy names so early into their relationship, considering how formal LWJ manners are, is not insignificant. This does not preclude that LWJ has no interactions with other disciplines of his sect as a teenager, but these interactions are formal and seemingly impersonal. Actually, the disciples seem to have more of a parasocial relationship with LWJ than an actual relationship, which explains their scandalized expressions when WWX takes LWJ’s ribbon during the Archery competition and the way they are protective of him without being seemingly close to him. If we look closer at how the archery competition scene is written, while there are other disciples around, LWJ is not standing with or alongside them. He’s just focused on doing what he came to the competition to do (until WWX distracts/angers him too much). 

Wei Wuxian let go the moment he snatched it. The rest of the Lan Sect’s disciples ceased with their attacks as well, and everyone came over. Arm around his younger brother, Lan Xichen talked to the unspeaking Lan Wangji in a low voice. All of the others seemed similarly serious, as though they were facing a powerful enemy. They shook their heads as they spoke, glancing at Wei Wuxian with odd, indescribable looks on their faces.  Wei Wuxian only heard a few vague terms, such as “accident”, “calm down”, “no need to worry”, “a man”, “the sect rules”, and so on. He felt even more confused. After glowering at him one last time, Lan Wangji turned around and walked alone toward the outside of the range.

Aside from disciples of his general, we can infer that LWJ was a valued and cherished member of the clan and the sect by his Sect Elders, particularly those who went to retrieve him from the cave after Buyetian. It is not surprising that this is how the audio drama has chosen to represent the scene when they wrote a flashback for it (which does not appear in the novel). 

This does not mean LWJ is a loner who only has relationships with his direct family and his spouse for the rest of his life. LWJ seems to find himself more comfortable establishing relationships as a senior toward the junior disciples (from his sect or otherwise) and more generally as a teacher. He is formal, but he is kind and supportive in his own way. LWJ finds his footing quite easily as a brother-father figure to LSZ. LWJ adores and cares for his bunnies. He has clearly kept a semblance of companionship with MianMian and, when he is not drunk 😉, he gets along well enough with Wen Ning. 

The question I would send back to the fandom is however the following: why is a portion of fandom so uncomfortable with the idea of LWJ being more of a “loner” or of WWX being his first friend, considering how he is positioned in the narrative as this unparalleled prodigy dedicated to his duty who did not stand easily and comfortably alongside his peers? Why do so many people claim that “LWJ needs a Friend”? I think part of the answer may be that many people still function with a “cookie-cutter” approach to media analysis: some people seem to have learned that a romance where the love interest has seemingly no life outside of his romantic partner is problematique or at least bad, particularly if that love interest is especially devoted to the main character. And while this critique comes from a good place, it needs to be applied with a consideration for the nuances and the context of each piece of fiction. MDZS is a romance, so it is contrived to a degree like all romance books, but LWJ is not a character that exists solely to love and be devoted toward WWX. LWJ has meaningful relationships (although it is true they tend not to be friendships with people of his generation), he has his own arc and his own life outside of WWX--heck, he’s lived 13 years while mourning him and built a life that has touched both those close to him and complete strangers. 

Also, while WWX was shown to get along very well with kids his age, and to have other meaningful relationships, if we think about it, he’s only ever opened his heart and allowed himself to be vulnerable with two people: his Shijie and LWJ. Is it then so different from LWJ’s situation, when we strip it down to its emotional core?

[everyothermouse]

A lil group portrait of the time au adventuring gang!! Them <333

Basically tol fucked up as a kid and is now on the run from the law, but realized that since his life was so crazy he could live off of telling stories of his wacky adventures. When he met Jay he wanted him to come with him, and when he found out jay couldn't come cus he was virtually a demon/god/magic magnet he decided he NEEDED to bring him to capitalize on how it'd make more cool stories. And yeah it worked so since then he's been collecting wackos to aaa go crazy aaaa go stupid (and also bcus safety I numbers or whateva, pop and pip are also criminals and pastel and jay are crimes against god <3) more about each individual under the cut!

Doin them from left to right :)

Pastel: died when she was messing around with some friends and got stuck under a big rock and left to starve. But because of a fluke in the underworld her God decided to resurrect her, a right usually only belonging to saints. Because of this she's now poorly pretending that she totally did something to deserve being revived (she tells a different story every time someone asks, she thinks it's funny) to avoid being persecuted for suspected witchcraft. She met Jay when they were both drunk and they had fun fucking around in the city, and she spilled the beans to him that she was revived for no reason. She regretted it, but jay didn't kill her because even though he's religious he knew what it felt like to be magically cursed and have everyone be pissed at u for it. Also she's really funny with jay so tol begged her to come with them to add more Comedy(tm) to his memoirs

Pop: a time traveller and angel who is trying to hide both of those facts but only really succeeding at hiding the time travel thing. When they were a kid they traveled to this time with his friends Lustre and Cherrybomb, but when they were attacked by the vicious royal guard they weren't able to escape without leaving Lustre behind. Cherrybomb super repressed that memory, and while pop recovered from some minor injuries they vowed to never time travel again. Yeah they only kept that up until they were like 15, but they still couldn't bring themself to go back to when they left Lustre. But now they're 26 (well technically they're like 33 but in their time their supposed to be 26) living with their boyfriend cherrybomb and have years of time travel experience under their belt, and they're ready to go back. Except they can't go back because they created a travel block for themself by accident because of how upsetting the event was, so instead they traveled as close as they could, about 10 years in the future of the time. Now they search for any form of closure, all they need to know is what happened to their friend, and they will do whatever it takes to find this out. But angels aren't super welcome in the past, especially not with uncut wings, so it's not exactly easy for them to navigate this time period. But after a while of their search they met two lovely children (well young adults), a demon and a "cursed" (nowadays they call em spiritually gifted) and felt so bad for how much the world seemed to be against them they decided they could travel with them, just for a bit, to protect them. They tried not to get attached. They failed. They're in it for the long run now aren't they TwT also as they explore this time and learn more about the gods, they start to realize that they might... be the God of longevity???? Or at least an older version of them became them? Time travel is fucked man

Btw Lustre plays a big role in this plot, her hyper futuristic knowledge, 'blessed' white eyes, and strange God gifted clothing would all lead to him rising to a much different role than fugitive rather quickly, but they're not who this post is about ;) also I'm gonna go bottom to top for the 3 in the middle let's go

Lune: just a little guy :) lune is a young rancher/gardener who worships the God of the wood, who kind of goes missing sometimes and is lowkey the least loyal God but shhhh he loves them. Lune and tol were childhood friends (along with their pal cleo) but on one of their little excursions tol took something very important to a very powerful king, and refused to give it back. As retribution the king destroyed their entire town, and cleo put all the blame on tol, tol and lune both knew lune had to take the side against tol in order to not have the town turn on him. So yeah he moved with the town to bring up a brand new farm, long awaiting the day when tol would come home and say that things were OK and they could settle back in town together, hopefully with cleo too. That didn't happen, but tol did come back and peer pressure lune into part time adventuring with him! So yeah generally lune just runs his lil farm and prays, but when tol comes to pick him up he gets a chance to go be free to act batshit crazy, just like when he was a kid 🥰

Pipes: DEmon! One time lune and tol had a little squabble so lune was like 'im gonna get a new best friend and ur gonna regret this' and tol was like 'yeah right, u live with a bunch of criminals right now no one's gonna wanna be ur bestie dumbass' so lune just walked into a cave at night and dragged out this little nonverbal demon because demons who live alone in caves don't have high standards for friends. Even tho it was just a ploy to make tol jealous lune went super hard on it and now pipes is actually friends with the gang lmaoo

Tol: like I said with lunes, stole something important from a king as a kid, monarch got pissed, blew up the town, town got pissed at tol for it, and since then he's been on the run because he's too stubborn to give back the damn thing (they could have just attacked HIM for it, but since la queen decided to fuck with his town, his family, tol thinks he doesn't deserve to have it back.) He had to run from town to town and got into a lot of danger in his attempts at finding places to hide, but he lacks fear and tended to fight stuff off. As a kid he found that he could get enough pity to be welcomed into towns if he told people he had to fight a monster to get there, so he told stories at every town and camp he went to of his hardships. But as he got older, those he stayed with beckoned him to keep talking, and more and more people said they had heard of his adventures. And that's when when it clicked, his shining ticket to true freedom wasn't a place, it was his stories. They gave him food, shelter, fun, memories, a life. So he made it his mission to never settle down, to make his life as crazy as possible and to talk about it as much as possible, and if he ever ran out of energy to adventure, he'd spend the rest of his dying days writing and writing his entire life story. He thought this was a life he'd live alone, but one day he sought refuge in jays little lonely house because he thought it was abonded, luckily though Jay had just been praying for a second chance at life and decided that considering the timing, tol must be that second chance. So yeah jay patched him up, found out on his monthly supply route he was harboring someone very wanted, and took care of tol even harder because he didn't know or care why he was wanted, he just knew that anyone who had a drawing of them as a child on a wanted poster definitely didn't deserve it. So yeah they're besties now.

AAA I wrote out a really long description for jay but tumblr glitched and I lost it :'O ble here's a shorter rewrite cus I'm not writing out that whole thing again >:P

Jay: brought up in a church village,, he was born with the curse, which allows him to tap into magical properties very easily, and be very easily controlled, manipulated, and possessed by them. This allowed him to be very connected with his god (the god of longevity) but also meant he was often treated as a security risk and a monster by the adults of his town since he could let in evil spirits so easily. He spent most of his time praying and he became obsessed with acting on compulsions (repeated prayer, overscrubbing, scratching himself, touching religious things until he felt like he touched them "right") because he believed they were messages from God and would prevent him from becoming evil (look he was a teenager and everyone told him he was a monster his whole life leave him be.) He gets possessed twice, mage as a rep of the town is like "either have ur cursed removed or leave town forever" (uncursing is only hypothetically possible, it's hella dangerous) and he's scared itd sever his connection to his god so he leaves and he's upset bcus his entire life plan was built around his church, so now he's livin alone on a hill and leaving like once a month, he stays up there and sews and prays mostly, he sort of works on himself and becomes vaguely mentally stable, so he prays for a second chance at life since he lost his original path and needs a sign where to go, and then boom tol shows up and the rest is history. Now he has his own little family and things are going great :) other than the still getting possessed like once a week but shhhh

Pip: in between the entrance to hell and the religious central of the continent is a little town that sides with neither. They mostly fuck around and find out, and in this town lives a monster researcher and her less formal wife, pip! Pip is just a silly goofy little guy livin life, and when the crazy bunch shows up she feels like he's finally found her people :3 and for the first time the group gains a member who's begging to join them as opposed to the other way around

Ya and together they all go on wacky lil adventures with demons and monsters and monarchs and what not.

Tldr pastel is a funny lil dead guy, pop is a time traveller and the Adult of the team, lunes a lil farmer man, pipes a hobo demon they picked up off the side of the road, tols a little criminal demon adventurer, jays a religious weirdo who tol dragged out of his hermit hut, and pips an insane little guy

[scarecoen]

Trigger warning ⚠️ domestic violence.

I've typed this story a million times so I'm just going to summarize as much as I can.

A few days ago I was assaulted by my partner's family members. And as I've mentioned, I've typed this a million times and I'm honestly just exhausted thinking about it, but we could use some help.

My partner has always had a transphobic family. (I don't have anyone but my dad, who's in no position to help anyone.)

Her mom used her disability against her and manipulated her into giving her MOST of her checks. She's abused the system and my girlfriend.

When I met Jackie, she was with a terrible biggot. Jackie had came out, and her mother conspired with an abusive long distance ex, to fly her here, to stage an "intervention" and stop my partner from transitioning.

It worked. For years.

I met Jackie here on tumblr, we became good, SECRET friends because she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone.

I told Jackie openly about my views regarding gender and how I myself, was not cis.

Eventually she told her partner about us playing games together, which she responded to by harassing me.

Jackie ended up spilling the beans to me, about her mom, about the ex, everything. I realized that she had been extremely isolated and controlled her whole life.

So I intervened.

I got the two of them to separate, which wasn't smooth because Jackie was scared. She had been with her abuser for 9 years at this point. She's never known anything else.

The ex moved back to her state, and I started seeing Jackie, although she was stuck at her mom's... who was trying to play innocent at this time.

Eventually, I kinda just came and picked her up, she stayed the night, she didn't want to go back home. And I can't blame her. The house wasn't only disgusting, her family microagressed her all the time and they would tell her to pretty much stay in a dark room all day.

Ofc I didn't bring her back.

During early quarantine, we had a lot of self reflection and she started distancing herself from her mother, coming around to holding her accountable for her horrible actions.

Her mom messaged her things like "Why won't you talk to me? It's like you're trying to punish us!" Ect, just every fucking manipulative thing she could say, without ever apologizing.

Unfortunately the place we were staying fell through when my best friend's ex husband decided he wants a divorce and decided to throw in some transphobic hatespeach towards me.

We were all looking for somewhere to go.

I'm sure you know where this is going but listen, she told us EVERYTHING we wanted to hear. She told us she's not hateful now, told us she would go to trans support groups, pride, said she's realized how much she loves Jackie and it's time to accept her- and look- we had NO WHERE TO GO. We have 2 cats and at the time, a car that has no a/c or functional locks. AND I have a chronic autoimmune condition that I recently started taking chemo meds for. (Methotrexate.)

I'm too sick to be on the street, and survive. I had to think about me, Jackie, Zoe, and Boops.

And Jackie wanted to go..

I told her we'd be cautious and try to get out asap.

Well, looking for places right when the housing market crashed really fucked us up. That- and because I had only just finally got approved for disability, means I was set back in life- and had no credit to my name. No credit= no place to live.

I had almost built enough, but things went down hill very quickly with her family. Which leads us to right now:

After weeks of microagressions, giving us breakthrough covid cases, yelling at us to clean other's messes, and forcing us and our cats to isolate in our room, many broken promises, and straight up transphobic hatespeach (because she promised to get vaccinated but then said nvm as soon as we moved in and she went on vacation and got covid and gave it to us, which nearly killed me--) she said not getting the vaccine "IS A CHOICE, JUST LIKE YOU BEING TRANS AND TAKING *gestures to my testosterone* THOSE DRUGS."

We just were avoiding each other while I desperately try to gather resources for us to get out, NOW.

Of course, that wasn't good enough, so when her step father messaged her in all caps about our cats having to stay in our room and "I WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU AGAIN" my partner had a breakdown..

Her mom had let her step dad talk to her like this her whole life, basically.

Out of desperation, we went to her sister for help, maybe hoping she'd give us a place to stay for two weeks while we sign off on the lease for our new apartment.

She pretended to want to help and even said... something fucking weird? She made the comment that I'm a good person and I'm so much like her own boyfriend, that it's "scary"...

A few hours later she came to the house. She talked nicely to us, to gain access to our bedroom.

Then she attacked me.

I called the police right before, and was on the phone with dispatch when she lunged at me because she was aggressively trying to MAKE Jackie go into a separate room WITHOUT ME and Jackie was saying no, BEGGING her to STOP.

I wasn't going to let her take Jackie into that room. She looked fucking crazy.

All of the family came into our room, her two sisters, her mom, and her cousin- When they heard yelling.

It was actually me telling her mom that she's a terrible mother, that triggered her sister to try and attack me- although I knew she was planning on trying to from the moment she came into our room.

And that was after her mom was screaming in my face that if I have something to say, say it now.

Dispatch heard everything and sent emt as well...

But the police stayed outside, talking to them for a WHILE before even asking for us.

Her cousin is the only one that would have stood up for me, saying her sister never should have tried to hit me. But he was in the room with Jackie, giving her support...

I faced the cops alone.

He already had "that look."

He shined a light into my eye, letting the family stay on the porch, throwing insults and just letting it happen. He asked me where I'm hurt, and before I could even show him the scratches on my arm, he said "how do I know YOU didn't put those there?"

I wanted to fucking die in that moment.

This is a conservative city.

No one has equality stickers here. No one flies gay flags. People here that are lgbt- they LEAVE.

This is EXACTLY WHY.

I said "well is there any reason I should tell you anything when, clearly, you're already bias?"

I looked at the emts. I looked at his partner. I looked at all the lights and people coming out of their houses-

And behind me was her family.

Her sister that assaulted me, was laughing about having work in the morning.

All of them were looking at me, with hate in their eyes.

He tried to feed me bullshit about "well if I'm taking someone to jail, there has to be proof."

He dismissed everything I attempted to say, until I just stared at the ground and he decided he did his job here.

I told him my whole fucking body hurts because I had 4 people fucking toss my 100lbs ass all over the fucking room, which was a mess that he refused to look at.

He said "I don't see bruises."

I SPAT "BRUISES TAKE TIME?"

He retorted IMMEDIATELY- "YOU'RE NOT EVEN RED."

I asked what about the dispatcher- she seemed concerned- to which he said "you see, sometimes when people call us- they scream and be dramatic- for a quicker response."

I asked what we could do while the two weeks go by for our new place, and he fucking said "I DONT KNOW. BARRICADE YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING."

Needless to say, we are now safe, in a hotel and I've gotten in touch with a few lgbt organizations that are attempting to help us get justice.

Unfortunately because it's a holiday weekend, all we can do is wait right now.

Our first order of business is getting a protection order, so that we can retrieve the rest of our things without her sister trying to attack us again. (I say us because she kept jumping towards Jackie, like she was threatening to hit her.)

I've been so gaslit and victim blamed that I was too scared to go to the er, even though this all happened in the midst of a flare, possibly including my liver health.

There's so much more to this story, as I'm sure other trans people can relate.. unfortunately.

The emts reluctantly offered to take me to the er, but I was like "and leave my partner here with them?" And he just fucking shrugged dude.

I hate this city.

I want out so bad but unfortunately I've committed to a year, but at least it'll be *our* apartment.

We could NOT stay there for two more weeks. Her step dad is a violent offender that has attempted to murder a homeless prostitute over some fucking pocket change- and he has a GUN in the house.

This hotel might run us into a hole, despite it being the cheapest, shittiest hotel in town, it's still going to be about 700$ for ONE week.

To ADD INSULT TO INJURY, SOMEONE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL MY VEHICLE WHILE WE'VE BEEN STAYING HERE.

I'm feeling incredibly paranoid and unsafe, but I'm on anxiety meds now at least and its SORTA helping us cope (My partner and I have the same Dr and she gave her permission to have some.)

The organization BRAVO is trying to help us with a hotel voucher, but because of all the natural disasters, it's hard to find room in charity for people like us, which is fair enough. We aren't immediately on the street, and for that I'm incredibly thankful.

However, if you or anyone you know wish to help you can donate to venmo: kittyzibby. Or you could just signal boost this.

If you can't help, I understand. And IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, don't worry about it, for real.

Right now I'm just scared we'll go into debt before getting the apartment settled in.

I will update on things once our case moves along more, and we were already considering turning to OF sexwork before all of this, so if there could be support that way, maybe we'll get that going once we get moved in. That way, I feel good about providing a service in return.

Thank you so much for sticking with us during all of this. And really- we're doing much better today. We've given each other pep talks, but we are still determined to start our lives together.

Her family was merely trying to scare me away from her, but I got my girl's name tatted on me for a reason.

I know I'm not the bad person here.

Every time Jackie is feeling more gender euphoric, and showing me her changes, and seeing her get more confident, the more I know that what I'm doing with and for her, is right.

I love her so much. And I will never abandon her, like they tried to get me to do.

Jackie is taking a break from some socials, but she's given me permission to talk about what's been happening.

She needs justice too.

I will update as much as I can, but seriously, I think we both just have a fire under our asses now.

Mentally, we're stronger than ever.

Thank you for reading. My heart really goes out to the rest of the queer community that have experienced or are going through similar things.

It's really made me realize why we need to stick together and fight this bigotry bullshit! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈