#( You're annoying. I love you. Stupid. )
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I hate when Chakotay is watered down to be Janeway's yes man because their disagreements are actually very interesting. [A lot of rambling analysis of this debate in particular below]
Chakotay in Parallax is very interesting in that he has to navigate a lot of different dynamics. Balance a lot of plates while being watched keenly by everyone around him. Immediately preceding this scene we see him ask B'Elanna for her opinion on the bridge - both as a chance to show her knowledge in his bid to make her chief engineer (because she wouldn't get a chance to otherwise as Janeway has clearly indicated that at this point she views B'Elanna as a troublemaker who won't be considered for the position) and because he just thinks she's a better engineer than Carey and wants the best possible chance of them succeeding. Janeway sees this as unacceptable. Carey is the chief engineer and so he should be called and Chakotay NOT asking for his opinion is an insult to Carey, Janeway, and might make the crew doubt Chakotay (and by extension the Maquis') loyalty to the Starfleet crew.
At this point it seems that to Janeway integration ["They're not your people"] means the path of least resistance, specifically tailored towards the Starfleet crew. She wants Chakotay by her side to keep the Maquis crew calm but also seems unwilling to consider them for important positions aboard the ship. Though she says that the Maquis are not Chakotay's people, not his crew, she certainly doesn't seem to consider them hers [Compare this to later instances where she stresses 'our' crew, here she simply says they aren't Chakotay's: Whose crew are they? Are they crew at all?]. This less leaves the impression of "We need to be a cohesive team" and more "You're not in charge here." She essentially accuses Chakotay of playing favorites. In her mind Chakotay's actions are not conducive to integrating the crews which would (again, in her mind) mean the Maquis being docile and accepting, obedient and content - not making trouble for the Starfleet crew. Chakotay counters Janeway's accusation with one of his own: That he IS trying to integrate them into the crew but her not allowing the Maquis any opportunity to prove themselves or succeed, not showing any trust in any of them (except, implicitly at this point, him) is making things difficult. At this point the Maquis crew are ready to mutiny on his word at any time. He knows this for a fact. Aside from that looming threat (the threat being that tensions are high and if nothing changes and they remain high there might be a mutiny even without his word) - Chakotay knows these people and trusts them. Though Starfleet and Janeway think of the Maquis as a violent bunch of criminal terrorists, Chakotay and a good number of the Maquis joined because they believed in the cause they were fighting for. These are people Chakotay knows WILL fight fiercely for what they believe in and conversely, AGAINST what they perceive as injustice. Even if they're not in the majority - they're used to picking fights which seem impossible to win. At this point Janeway admits that she ISN'T making it easy for Chakotay to integrate the Maquis - specifically talking about practical concerns; how she doesn't feel she can let Maquis crew have roles of importance on the ship because they lack the ability to hold them. "They don't have the discipline, they don't have the training," - asserting that they just aren't prepared for any such roles and it doesn't have to do with them being Maquis specifically. Ostensibly, she's treating them as she might treat anyone unqualified for the job.
Chakotay maintains that some of them, like B'Elanna, have the ability to be trained - challenging her point by saying that IF they're trained there's no reason for any Maquis member NOT to be given a more prominent role on the ship. He isn't suggesting they just unqualified people important jobs. If the problem is that they aren't trained, let's train them. These people have the ability to succeed if you give them the tools they need and a fair chance, he insists. Janeway then switches gears and her argument becomes not "The Maquis are untrained so they can't be given those jobs" but "The Maquis crew are unworthy of those jobs when compared to Starfleet personnel" saying that it'll cause insult and upset among the Starfleet crew if any member of the Maquis were to be promoted above them. Again, her idea of integration is based more on Maquis subservience to the Starfleet crew than it is the two crews working together. (Not that I believe she looks at it that way, it's just where her 'path of least resistance' leads) - though she accuses Chakotay of being too focused on "his" crew, she is admitting here that she believes her real crew are the Starfleet officers aboard, not the Maquis. She also admits here that the system she wishes to maintain (and is asking Chakotay to enforce) is one where there will ostensibly never be any chance of a Maquis crew member being promoted because no Maquis crew member will ever be more qualified, more worthy, than a member of Starfleet. We can see how it'd be difficult for Chakotay to convince his crew to remain calm under these circumstances. There's also Tuvok's behavior toward him at the beginning of the episode where the Vulcan nearly goes over Chakotay's head and when he doesn't do so (as Chakotay reminds him that HE'S the superior officer, the First Officer in fact,) Tuvok acts as if him backing down (partially) and conceding (partially) to Chakotay's authority is a favor to Chakotay.
Tuvok in this conversation is downright insubordinate to Chakotay. Despite Chakotay being the first officer, he doesn't take what he says seriously, argues that his own opinion on what should be done should be followed rather than Chakotay's, lectures the first officer about his conduct, and then almost seems to threaten him with a report. In Starfleet's rigidly hierarchical rules, acting like this to a superior officer (ESPECIALLY the first officer) wouldn't be tolerated and Tuvok knows this perfectly well. He isn't a rebellious character and clearly in other episodes adheres to these Starfleet hierarchies and codes of conduct very strictly. He values them highly. But Chakotay, a Maquis, shouldn't be First Officer. Why should he be given respect for a title he didn't earn? [Affirming Janeway's argument about how Starfleet officers won't be eager to follow a Maquis senior officer] Even though Chakotay tells Tuvok off for it ["I don't have to explain myself to you"] he doesn't threaten to put Tuvok on report or explicitly mention his insubordination. It's unclear if this is Chakotay's personality or if he just doesn't feel he CAN do that. Tuvok is one of the three most senior officers aboard and very close to Janeway. Chakotay has to think of the optics of any situation at all times - we see seconds after this conversation that rumors have already started swirling around B'Elanna being relegated to quarters that've fanned the flames of mutiny. Though we know Tuvok has personal reasons for behaving the way he does toward Chakotay (which he later admits), I really don't think it'd be out of the ordinary for this to be how most Starfleet personnel would treat the Maquis if they weren't outright hostile: Like they're only pretend crewmen. To a lesser extent we even see this with Janeway: In the following staff meeting, she clearly doesn't consider B'Elanna a viable option when Chakotay brings her up and almost ignores the suggestion entirely.
It also, again, leaves Chakotay in an impossible position. If he doesn't protect and fight for the Maquis crew, they won't ever be considered a true part of the crew and dissatisfaction will likely spread among them. Dissatisfaction which the Starfleet crew will then use to further label the Maquis as insubordinate, uncontrollable, unfit. Not to mention that if he doesn't advocate for them, he might lose their trust. However, if he DOES try to help the Maquis crew advance the Starfleet crew will view this as 'favoritism' and will further distrust him, won't respect the people he puts forth as worthy. Janeway seems to be intent on not advocating for any of the Maquis crew and also seems unwilling to ask that the Starfleet crew grant leniency. She implies that the Maquis crew need to learn to get in line and keep quiet and it seems almost like [we must remember the optics] she has Chakotay as the only Maquis in a position of power to facilitate that. Chakotay recognizes and pushes against that, saying that he won't just be her token Maquis - there only so she can point to him and say "See? We don't discriminate against the Maquis here." effectively a tool used to shut down any arguments of unfair treatment and a tool to quell the Maquis if any talk of mutiny DOES arise. In this model, Janeway can just tell Chakotay to calm them down and they'll listen because they trust him. She also doesn't have to really listen to anything he says: A token First Officer has no authority; his words don't hold weight. [Chakotay isn't Maquis anymore, they aren't his crew anymore - ok. What is he then? What are they? Nothing, without respect.] This plan seems untenable, as much as Janeway frames it as sensible: "I can't make it easy, Commander. Surely you can understand that," and alternatives as impossible "How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as their superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?" - in the long run, how would this be sustainable? In any power structure, you cannot expect a group of people you're unwilling to grant trust or agency to obediently follow you forever. This proposed form of 'integration' in which the Maquis are kept on the bottom rung and told intermittently to stay there quietly by the only one of them granted permission to stand at the top would never be sustainable - especially with a group like the Maquis who again, were founded on the belief that its members should fight against inequity and are already on the verge of mutiny.
I specifically find the statement "How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as their superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?" to be interesting because personally I'd say that being forced together for the rest of almost everyone's natural life is a pretty good reason to ask people to adapt and Janeway does understand this but only applies it to the Maquis - the Maquis are the ones who have to adapt, not Starfleet. The only thing the Starfleet crew have to do is tolerate their presence on board.
At this point Janeway again claims that if Chakotay can show her a 'qualified' Maquis candidate she'll consider them. I believe this is true but we already know that Janeway's standards for qualification will likely not fit the vast majority of the Maquis and Chakotay ignores the claim in favor of putting forth B'Elanna again, firmly. Janeway predictably dismisses her as unqualified and Chakotay disagrees, arguing that he knows her. He's worked with her. He KNOWS that B'Elanna can excel at the job even if she doesn't meet Starfleet/Janeway's qualifications. He doesn't value those qualifications over what he's observed about her - just as he didn't value Carey's title over what he knew about the gap between his and B'Elanna's abilities. Then, Chakotay switches gears. He admits that Janeway's right - he does view the Maquis as his crew but that's because Janeway (almost self admittingly) doesn't and if he doesn't, who will they have? [What kind of captain, kind of man, would he be?] "You're going to have to give them more authority if you want their loyalty." "Theirs or yours, Commander?" Janeway frames Chakotay's words pointing out the flaws in this plan which I outlined earlier, as almost a threat (if she doesn't have Chakotay's loyalty it'll most definitely mean mutiny). Chakotay asserts that it wasn't a threat, he's only trying to help by telling her how the Maquis crew will react to what she's telling him. "I'm sorry you can't see that" - not an apology for what he said but that she isn't willing to budge, not willing to listen to him and acknowledge that she might be as biased towards her crew as he is towards his. Chakotay is trying his best to acclimate his crew but if Janeway isn't willing to do the same, to talk to her people as he's talking to his, then this will not end well and that isn't a threat. It's just the reality of the situation. He then asks permission to leave, showing he is willing to observe Starfleet protocol (just as when he asked permission to speak freely), and Janeway lets him go, exhaling at the intensity of their debate when alone in her ready room.
#J/C is not interesting to me when they're strifelessly playing house or Chakotay is her lovesick yesman who'll do whatever she says#Kathryn Janeway#Chakotay#I really wish they'd kept up this kind of tension between the crews and used Tuvok/Janeway/Tuvok as like a microcosm of that tension#it'd be so good!!#Tuvok#<- he's there too#chara analysis#star trek voyager#st voy#Is this the only episode they call the ship 'The Voyager' ??#Also hearing Harry call Tom 'Mr Paris' is funny - early seasons voyager you have my heart early seasons voy supremacy#ANYWAY - that's beside the point#I do like how the maquis v starfleet tension is handled in this episode#I love how we see everyone start working together and relationships begin to form#How once B'Elanna shows her stuff Janeway is almost immediately intrigued and excited & how B'Elanna feeds off that excitement#The Doctor: -annoyed annoyed complaining complaining snarky comment- ugh I can't believe I have to help with something STUPID#Kes: You're very sensitive aren't you~? /gen /pos#The Doctor: ???? um ..... haha. idk. anyway I'm glad I could help :)#'how can we be seeing a reflection of something that we hadn't even done yet?' Voyager I love you MWAH#Tom Janeway B'Elanna: -temporal mechanics- / Harry: .... so how do we get out???#SUUCKS that in later seasons B'Elanna & Chakotay's relationship isn't focused on anymore but I mean. Every poc is pushed aside in later#seasons. But here you can see how much Chakotay believes in her and wants her to succeed!!! No wonder she likes him so much#He was probably one of the first people to really believe in her and SHOW IT and now Janeway's doing the same thing <3#My above post may paint Janeway somewhat negatively but it's only in the 'character flaws and being wrong about things means you have#a chance to grow' way - as soon as B'Elanna shows her potential Janeway wants to encourage it#God B'Elanna's so pretty#I forgot Seska was on the bridge!#'many of your teachers thought you had the potential to be an outstanding officer' SOMEONE SHOULD HAVETOLD HEEEER!!!!!!!!#WHY DID NO ONE TELL HEEER!!!!!
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The Untamed | Episode 13 [You Like Mian Mian?]
⤳WangXian’s Favorite Scenes [13/∞]⬿
#the untamed#cql bts#theuntameddaily#:) :) wwx you're a pretty dumb#do you like mian mian. he likes you idiot don't you see the bitch face he makes when he looks at you obviously he loves you#lwj must think why i fell in love with this fool#but let's face it those two are just as stupid when it comes to feelings#and how close they are should kiss there is a lot of tension here#there is so much that it is very annoying to see. my eyes burn#wangxian#wei wuxian#lan wangji#my gifs#mygifs.scene
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Fighting DEMONS rn trying not to get invested in one piece to figure out wtf you're posting about!!!!
come here cyber.... we have this thang
#mp answers#i've been trying so hard not to be annoying to my bnha friends but if you will allow me to push this for this ask let me say 🙏#if you're afraid of the episode count for one piece the manga is a lot quicker read while being just as enjoyable because the art style is#an actual delight. its great its fantastic im absolutely in love with it#the series is soooo good and i know luffy can seem unappealing to people before they start but he's just SUCH a great character & continues#to be even now. the story is SO GOOD the characters are SO GOOD... theres so much lore and world building that its insane#if you read the manga we get 'cover stories' on what's going on with previous characters to see what theyre up to even though we moved on#from where we left them. a lot of these cover stories blend into the main story so well its just seamless#there's one where we get introduced to a character we dont see hundreds of episodes into the anime and they show up like; during the second#saga. the series is about traveling to other islands and every single arc has been tied to another in some way or form that shows up later#even if its sagas and sagas later- it still becomes relevant again!! it's a huge ongoing story and there isnt a single arc that feels like#it has no purpose (sans filler in the anime-but even then!! some filler arcs are really entertaining!)#it's emotional! its sad! its downright stupid and silly but GOD... you can feel the love that oda put into this series and his characters#and the emotions in the expressions and the messages the story gives off it just makes me UEUHGHHAHGHH!!!#it's all about the adventure and the romance of it all! its about the freedom it brings and bringing freedom to others!#its a series where treasure should be a focus given its pirates and the its a giant treasure hunt for the one piece and yet! and yet so man#of the characters treasures are things that are not coins and gems but people and promises and family and and#im going to EXPLODE i love one piece
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do you know. the amount of reels. where some clown is like "IF YOU'RE A READER YOU HAAAVE TO WATCH MY LADY JANE!!!" I have seen over the past few days. I am trying to move on and forget I am trying so hard and they are making it impossible
#''if you're a reader'' JUST SAY IF YOU LIKE ROMANTASY WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN A READER#READ SOMETHING THAT ISN'T SJM ADJACENT FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFEEEEE#they also started pushing the most annoying millennial booktoker giving his stupid ass takes on books i love i keep seeing that guy#i have 0 idea why instagram chose violence against me right as my PMS started but they did and you guys have to reap the consequences#tlj liveblog
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Saw a comment describe killugon as 'born to be brothers, forced to be best friends'.
And I just have to say that, out of all the things that have never happened, that has never happened the most.
#if y'all look at your siblings that are within your age group with THIS level of heart eyes know that im actually concerned#i say within your age group because i totally get being 'smitten' with your baby sibling#im six and a half years older than the little fucker contaminating my room and i too look at him with pure adoration sometimes#but that's beside the point#because even then trust that i do not refer to him as my light nor do i wear a lovesick expression every time he crosses my mind#most of the time actually he's an annoying bug i want to squash. like when he greets me with 'hello you stupid piece of trash'.#like boy don't you doubt my willingness to beat you up if you don't behave yourself istg#okay enough my little brother has taken over my sacred tags#anyway what im saying is that these bitches are head over heals in love. they have the fattest crushes on each other.#you know how i know? because i WATCHED THE SHOW#their relationship is so far from brotherly it's insane how you even came to this conclusion#real talk though#obviously yall can interpret aspects of a story like characters themes relationships etc differently and ofc your opinion is valid#blah blah blah#all that crap#but don't expect me to take anyone who says this with their whole chest too seriously#because if you look at kg aka two adolescents that invented the term puppy love but also im-wholeheartedly-devoted-to-you and see brotherly#then i can't help you atp bro you're on your own with this one 😭#killugon#killua zoldyck#gon freecss#hxh#hunter x hunter#my little brother#gotta add him he played a key role in these tags
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okay, i've got some things i wanna say about twst EN's translation of scarabia's story that i was originally typing out as part of a response to an ask, but then i realized i was going off on a bit of a tangent and was like "this could basically be its own post"--so now it's going to be its own post!
i'm a twst EN player, and for the most part, i do really like the localization. i don't speak japanese but i love learning about language and the process of translation and localization, so at one point after finishing books 1-5 i went and reread them all (and 6 as well, once it was fully released on EN) with a fan translation and the localization side by side to compare them. and from what i could tell as someone who isn't a japanese speaker, i honestly thought it seemed like they usually did pretty well? sure, there were a few mistakes like cater claiming to be an only child (this one, i think, has actually been fixed recently), or how in book 2 they removed a small mention of falena making it seem like he's never mentioned at all until leona's flashback and they also removed the numerous times that he said "be prepared" (at least they finally properly translated it in book 6, though!!). but i thought most of these mistakes were somewhat minor and could be forgiven... until book 4 (well, and book 5, mostly in regards to vil and epel's conflict and i'm not talking about them here, so).
see, i actually realized that something was off about the localization when i first played through book 4, because i have a weird memory and have picked up a bunch of random words and phrases from being into japanese media and reading so much about the localization process. and i also play twst with the sound on because i love to hear the voice acting. so sometimes i would hear jamil speak, i'd pick out the words "shujin" and "juusha" for "master" and "servant", and then the subtitles wouldn't include them at all. so i'd guess certain things about the actual intent behind the story based on that. take this message i sent to my friend when i was sharing my blind reactions to the game:
and she ended up telling me that apparently, what i thought he should say essentially IS what he originally said!! according to the fan translation on wiki.gg he said this instead:
i had wondered if maybe i was reading into things and assuming too much, but it turned out i was completely spot on! but most people who play EN would not be able to pick up on this and realize that jamil was born into servitude to kalim and has no escape, because as i later discovered almost every single mention of him being a servant at all was removed, in events and vignettes as well. which is actually really weird to me because they don't remove it entirely, they do in fact bring up the fact that jamil has to test all of kalim's food for poison during book 4 and they also left in a line where he says he "works as kalim's servant". but they only really mention these things once or twice and then they try to sort of play it off as jamil being a paid employee or something most of the time... seriously, during beanfest there's dialogue where jamil says it would be rude to refuse an order from his boss but i've read that that line was originally him saying a servant couldn't disobey his master. and in the scalding sands event he calls himself "a dedicated employee" of kalim's... what, am i supposed to assume he works as a butler by choice or something? yeah, no. also, one of his birthday vignettes, which are fully voiced so i could TELL he said, with a devious smirk on his face, that if he had a parrot the first word he would teach it would be "shujin-sama". "master". what did EN change this into?
the person i was originally writing all of this in response to said that sometimes people's takes on jamil make them wonder if people are reading a completely different story but also that part of that can probably be blamed on the way EN completely changed the context of his situation with these translation choices. and yeah, i fully agree with that assessment: more casual fans or people who just aren't that interested in the scarabia duo could be said to be reading a different story with this whole "boss" and "employee" thing that has jamil make it sound like the worst that could ever happen to him if he got in trouble would be getting a really stern lecture from his parents.
and it makes me sad because i really do love both jamil and kalim so much and i think their dynamic is so tragic and complicated and interesting to think about. i think they're both really complex characters who are trapped in an awful situation. kalim is so kind and loving and would never wanna hurt anyone but he hurts jamil just by existing as part of the fucked up society they live in. kalim thought he and jamil were best friends, he had no idea of the toxicity of their dynamic and the pain jamil was in, and people say jamil should've just talked to him about it earlier... but jamil's first memory as a child is of seeing his parents bow to the asim family. being a servant is practically all he's ever known and he's had it drilled into his head since they were both small children that he can never be himself around kalim, can never just treat him like a normal person because he's a servant and kalim is his master. and even if he did accept kalim's offer to start over as equals and be friends, what would happen when they had to go home to their families? they won't be at school forever.
and i just. augh. i hate what the localization does with them. if you try to water them down to just an employee who's super mad at his obliviously crappy boss, or just two childhood friends who needed to communicate better or something like that, then you take away from the complexity of both characters. you also lose extremely cool writing choices like how jamil is a character who was born into servitude but has the power to make himself the master with his unique magic. i see so many takes about how jamil is just a jerk who betrayed his best friend and how kalim never did anything wrong in his entire life and i hate it but i'm sure the localization's choices are in fact to blame for a lot of this.
so anyway jamil and kalim's actual dynamic is fascinating and lives rent-free in my head, no thanks to how the EN version gutted it.
#twisted wonderland#jamil viper#kalim al asim#going to also add a small thing here in my tags: i personally don't ship jamil and kalim lol#i just love their dynamic... platonically?? feels like the wrong word because they're not really friends LOL#not in love. not even friends. but tied together in a secret third really fucked up and tragic way.#and the secret third thing is NOT 'annoying boss' and 'minimum wage customer service employee'#this also isn't meant to be discourse about like#'if you interpret their dynamic Wrong then you're stupid and i hate you' or whatever#because i'm mainly just complaining about what the translators did 😭#scarabia boys
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everyone who apparently doesn't remember why you followed me. hiiii <3
#you can leave if you need to#i wont be mad#i know im stupid and cringe and annoying#but if you're still here i love youuu
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r/FDC is so funny.
We aren't ableist!! we just think every disabled person has to act how we deem "valid" and minors can't have disorders and if you look queer or plus sized you're probably faking too and also we don't think your psychologist exists because you don't act how we want. but we aren't ableist some of us are disabled!!
#they're so useless 😭#literally WHAT are you doing to help the few disabled people you believe exist?#all you do is whine about people 'faking' with dumb evidence#one day you're going to have to accept that disabled people can be stupid and annoying and act in ways you don't expect#tw ableism#tw fakedisordercringe#r/fakedisordercringe#sorry for random complaint post. friend sent me something and it was annoying#and I love complaining
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Honestly the roleplay blogs are stronger than I am because if I saw a post where people were saying my blog was annoying and calling me corny I would jump in a large pit and rot away
#I don't think I should tag this one#Okay I've typed my emotions out. For a more normal way to put it: While it makes sense to be upset#best move. I'm sure the blogs in question would be happier if you just told them about the roleplay guidelines than if you made a post#where multiple people call them annoying. Like can you imagine if someone said that about a writing blog#'So sick of x reader fics in the tag I don't want to see that and they're all so out of character' What a dick move.#It is a different case with rp blogs I'll give you that. But I think the principle of the matter stands#unless it doesn't and everything I said is stupid#original ramble below I was so mad for some reason. im not mad at anyone really. everyone is cool. love you guys#I get why people are unhappy that theyre clogging up the tags#like despiar dev said not to and people want to see content of despiar thyme not just ask blogs#I saw someone say they just blocked them and like. I get why. however. people do not know everything#but my brother in Christ you're not helping the matter!!!!!!!!1 send them a screenshot of what despiar dev said!!!!help other people!!!!!!!#just politely tell them instead of weirdly vague posting it helps everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe they just don't know#misspelling the tags so no one finds this post. I will actually be so pissed if people find this and r upset#Oh I'm sorry THIS is the post you're noticing? You have followed me for over six months and you haven't said anything about any other negat#negative feelings i've expressed. I see how it is#I wish the drdt confessions account was still open but whatever fucking whatever#sui mention#personal vent#whatever I guess
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“Slut your wrists! Kill yourself! then you post a selfie saying “Don’t want to smile feel weird about it” as a desperate attempt to get compliments. You’re in your mid twenties doing all this😭 Grow up you’re not a teenager anymore. 30 is closer than ever and you’re breaking down because someone asked if you cry a lot? Someone mentions your jowls and you freak out. You tell them to kill themselves. People your age are Mothers. You might not have any but act your age. Geez.
my dick must taste fantastic for how far you're throating it
#I'm not doing it for attention <3 i literally am just talking and expressing myself <3 my therapist said i can say kill yourself <3#and if you could read which clearly you can't you would know that they didn't say it to be nice or anything they wanted to hurt my feelings#sorry I'm human and get hurt because i don't like how i look sometimes that's 100% okay dumbass#and you must think I'm stupid to live in utah and not know people are mothers do you think Im oblivious and don't already feel awful#what have you gained from this cause i don't really care what you think i don't care what anyone really thinks I'm not doing anything for#attention i am just using this as my diary and i post a silly lil selfie when i go to therapy but clearly you don't know that#i literally am around children all day i know what is like to be a mom what do you know tho?#i actually REALLY hate when people compliment me when I'm just saying i don't like something is really annoying I'm just being polite#but you think you know everything and love to ride my dick so#anyway have a great day even tho you're really pathetic and i should know cause I'm also really pathetic#also can't spell 🫵 think you said something important 🫵
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how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)
#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on#either way#im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔#if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me#again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever#but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do#and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying#like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative#but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me#oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't#like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it)#i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable!#fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it#and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier#of my friendships#wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up#the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom)#i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a#'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order#not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !#sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭#vee rambles
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There's honestly... just so many people, just so so so so so many people in this world where I'm like... aren't you people tired of this fucking... you know, I was going to call them clowns but that's really disrespectful to clowns, these people could never get their face on an egg...
Anyway, aren't you tired of this childish jackass? Don't you just want to ignore them and never have to hear about them again? If we just ignored them they legitimately would go away... don't you want that?
And this applies to... just ungodly amounts of people, from jake paul to even elon musk (just... don't touch his shit, he'll run out of money eventually with how bad he is with it), to just... name an annoying famous person and you'll name someone I've literally forgotten right now that I could never have to hear about again if people would just ignore them (unless they committed crimes, investigators are welcome to pay attention while gathering a case)
Yet the answer's always "no, we're paying so much attention to them!" and I'm just like... why? Why would you watch jake paul box? I heard about that and was like "he's still doing that shit?", and yet I guess it made a lot of money yet again and it's just like... ignore him
These people could go away, and yet
#to be blunt this is also very very very much about trump#the best part of all if he'd lost is how I'd never have had to see or hear about his loser ass again#and you people couldn't even manage that (collective you; not you personally... unless you're Pennsylvanian basically)#like he's insufferable... unless you're a die hard fan of him you know he's just stupid and annoying#why would you want to hear a washed up reality star for four more fucking years?#we could ignore these people hard enough to make them go away#and yet I'll be stuck having to hear him say shit about Hannibal or whatever for four more years cause you couldn't do that#I'm so sick of it; I honestly am#jake paul could have been ignored into obscurity like a decade ago; and yet he's able to launch a scam with mr beast#like dear god... can't you people find something better to do than watch these people? ...like watch paint dry?#it's not just people; it's every live action disney remake; it's... it's just all of it... fucking ai#can't you people fucking ignore it? can't you just kinda boo when it shows up and then forget about it?#I get someone like elon is a toddler that needs an eye kept on him to make sure he's not breaking shit but like...#we could just not buy his cars... which... like... doesn't seem like a hard ask given how badly they're manufactured#again... weirdos on tumblr; I'm doubting you're to blame for most of this#but just like... could we just for the love of god let the stupid shit die out you losers?#I'm not even... I'm not even joking here; this isn't like a goof; this is a prescription#nfts die if literally everyone ignores them; live action remakes die if no one watches them; elon goes bankrupt if no one buys from him#(also gets really sad because he's a massive attention seeker; and that's pretty funny so bonus)#why do I still have to hear about jake paul other than like... 'he's been arrested for fraud' or something reasonable?#could have been done with him years ago... like maybe if you kept around one or two bad habits but... like the lootboxes couldn't go?#tune in; turn on; drop out... this part here; I'm asking you to do the drop out part#drop out of society and stop playing their bullshit games#pay attention; be engaged with the world and your community as best you can; and just stop... stop giving this shit oxygen#but again... if this isn't hitting the void it's probably hitting the choir... you're not an oaf on twitter sucking this stuff up#but fuck me... worry over tariffs and other shit aside; concrete quantifiable worries I can lay out I might add#for the people who act like it's just sky is falling mentality; nah... I can expressly say what and why I worry about come january#but all that aside... you couldn't have voted against him just... just to never hear his annoying ass again?#not saying harris would have been good or bad or anything else... I'm saying she would have been a fuck of a lot less annoying#and like... you gave elon a win too... the two most annoying people on the planet and ya couldn't just... not
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i enjoyed high school! i had a lot of friends! some of them were even close! but holy SHIT . i can say, with full confidence now. HIGH SCHOOL SUCKS SHIT and im GLAD I DON'T GO THERE!!!
#my school was actually pretty nice for a high school#my teachers were cool#im actual friends w one of em#but like. Omfg#if you as a high school student have ever felt annoyed about being treated like a baby or feel like you're just getting pushed around#like you're not treated as a real person. even by the staff who are nice. like all the clique stuff is stupid bullshit and you just want to#be an adult already#don't listen to anyone who tells you to treasure your high school years they can be fun but BEING AN ADULT IS SO MUCH BETTER#i got excited to VACUUM the other day!!! because my space in the dorms is MINE#and oh my god i love my parents and my family and their house is nice. BUT WOW LIVING IN A DORM RULES#not just bc its a nice dorm (That helps) but bc . like . so much is up to ME and im part of every decision#by default#and i get to Decide everything#a good part of this is just starting w a blank slate yk. i dont have to clean anything up and get rid of old stuff and rearrange#to decorate the new room in a way i want (in a way thats designed for me to keep it clean‚ rather than just the way that Happened)#and its like. i can really take pride in my space yk?#like i share it w 3 roommates but my part is Mine#and its not just where i sleep its like... i decorate it i clean it i like it i hang out in it#augh. college good.#if you're in high school no matter how much you like life rn: IT GETS BETTER
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lays on the fucking. ground. maybe we should open commissions. so we can buy a new laptop
theres so many other funds that need money and we can still deal with this
our fucking enter and backspace key stopped working bro idk what to tell you. this is including: volume up and down buttons, brightness up and down buttons, screenshare button, 1, 3, 9, q, e, o, d, h, and now enter and backspace. even after relocating half our keys to our keypad buttons this shit is nigh unusable.
nOT TO MENTION OUR CHARGER THAT ONLY WORKS 50% OF THE TIME. god this is SO ANNOYING BUT APPARENTLY WE DONT DESERVE ANYTHING RIGHT NOW ARUGGGGGH
maybe once spring semester starts we can ask. fucking. who knows. who cares. like truly who cares. also we can't do commissions are you fucking kidding? us? with art on a deadline communicating with peoples requests through dms are you hearing yourself???
aaAAUGGGHHHH FUCKING. WEEPS.
#ITS SO STUPID ITS SO STUPID ITS ALL SO DUMB THAT WESDJHDFKJHGKJHG#[three of swords]#we're on phone now so typing isnt annoying as hell anymore. the thing about our setup is that having a separate keyboard would be WORSE.#sick of complaining. sick of every issue compounding forever and ever i mean we're not even TALKING about the other situations fuCK WE'RE#/not/ going to die.#OKAY FUCK WHATEVER. BUT THIS IS SO FUCKING STUPID. THERES INFINITE PROBLEMS FOREVER AND WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT ANY OF THEM#like listen we're trying to live day to day at least and every time we get used to the level of shit life has in store for us it gets WORSE#like hey buddy looks like you're barely managing to crawl even with fifty burdens on your back thats great how about five more??#we just want to make sure we add enough weight to you that youre NOT MOVING AT ALL ANYMORE. that you can NEVER MOVE AGAIN.#GOD. FUCKING KILLING. NOT SPECIFYING A TARGET.#everything is breaking and getting worse and its not getting better#but it will get better again. it will. we just have to wait it out.#not everyone can have your fucking PATIENCE old man this is BULLSHIT and you KNOW IT#i know. i understand. but we have to continue. you can cry. you can feel frustrated and upset and tired. it's alright. but we must continue#hhhhhhh. dad i fucking hate this. i fucking hate this.#it's okay. tomorrow's a new day and we'll try again. i love you.
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Therapy is realizing the Scott Box holds all of your insecurities...
#I COULD call it the 'Blitzø Box' because it relates HEAVILY to the character Blitzø from Helluva Boss#i think Ill call it the Blitzø Box.#its got all the failures and self loathing a girl could ask for!#its the reason I'm afraid to try and pursue a crush!#the reason i feel like dying when i HAVE a crush#its the voices that tell me what I've been told growing up!#'you're not good enough. shut up. why are you even trying? nobody likes you. you're fat. you're ugly. you're annoying. yoi dont need to say#everything that comes onto your head. ew. crack head. piggy. gross. ugly. fat. stupid. stupid. useless#bitch. et cetera and ad nauseum'#the Blitzø Box is mean and hateful and it's difficult to ignore#my Tiger Box can be closed and shoved into a corner.... but the Blitzø Box?#its. ALWAYS. OPEN#and. IT. SPEAKS!#occasionally (every class with Scott) a tiger exits the box#the box is louder whenever I'm in the Fine Arts building#SOMETIMES it's quiet#this sucks#i hate having crushes#i just want someone to want me the way I want me and the way I want them#i want someone to love me like I love me
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it takes so fucking little to trigger the most despairing rejected feelings inside me. this is so lame
#i used to get around this by never interacting with anyone for any reason#that is still my default state but I'm fighting it#but fighting it means i have those feelings and having those feelings makes me rip myself apart emotionally#unless i work really hard to not do that which is so annoying#when if i had just avoided everyone in the first place i wouldn't have to deal with it#that's part of what makes having an imaginary friend so meaningful to me.....#have you ever heard that song 'I'm glad you're evil too'. for stupid sad wet people like me it's really really everything#just to share love with one person#but that's why i hate that i can still be affected like this because i know exactly how little it really matters and still i can't stop it#in times like this normally i would just go run for an hour bc it's impossible to be sad during and after a good run but i can't today :(#so instead I'll set my feelings free here. sorry for existing in front of you
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