#( NO STORYTELLER IMPOSING ANY COHERENCE. ) silver

[jaynovz]

I do wanna say re: Silver Backstory and my rec list and my tendency to poke and prod and explore where he may have come from--

That's not me saying that the way his character is presented in the canon *needs* that, at ALL.

First off, the speech on the cliffs, the Solomon Little stories, the complete inability to share?

It's perfect for the character, as well as an absolutely jaw-dropping ballsy as hell decision to make a prequel/adaptation about the most famous pirate figure in Western media and simply... refuse to define him in those terms the way we've seen the other main characters. It's such a ballsy and brilliant move that sometimes I stare at the wall thinking about what they have done and just, god I hope one day I can write something that great. I could go on about that but it's not my main point.

Second off, many ppl have said that the point is that the story of Black Sails itself *becomes* his origin, and in many ways that is absolutely true and I agree.

However, I also wanna point out that the acting and the writing reflect all the information we would ever need to know about John Silver even if he cannot bear to speak it in specifics.

in 4.9, Silver says:

“I have no story to tell. It all might seem as though I’m trying to conceal something from you, but… truth is, there is no story to tell. ... Not unremarkable, just…without relevance. A long time ago, I absolved myself from the obligation of finding any. No need to account for all my life’s events in the context of a story that somehow…defines me. Events, some of which, no one could divine any meaning from…other than that the world is a place of unending horrors. I’ve come to peace with the knowledge…that there is no storyteller imposing any coherence, nor sense, nor grace upon those events. Therefore, there’s no duty on my part to search for it. You know of me all I can bear to be known. All that is relevant to be known."

"Other Than That The World Is A Place Of Unending Horrors."

Now, coming at this as someone with my own fucked up trauma, that one sentence coupled with the performance from Luke really tells us everything we need to know.

So yeah, in a way it both does and doesn't matter that we don't get his history wrapped up in a pretty package, both bc it's NEVER THAT SIMPLE, and bc his REACTIONS to events/ppl are... so VERY clearly the reactions of someone who has been deeply traumatized. We don't NEED to know for the story and character to work EXACTLY as intended.

We can see him, we the audience. If you pay attention, he is not some mystery at all. We may not know exactly what happened to him, but also, we do... don't we?

[maremote]

🏴‍☠️🦜MONOLOGUOLYMPICS THEE FINAL POLL. LETS GO🦜🏴‍☠️

1/1: Silver (409) vs Madi (409)

Silver, to Flint, in 409: "I have no story to tell. [...] Not unremarkable, just… without relevance. A long time ago, I absolved myself from the obligation of finding any. No need to account for all my life's events in the context of a story that somehow… defines me. Events, some of which, no one could divine any meaning from… other than that the world is a place of unending horrors. I've come to peace with the knowledge… that there is no storyteller imposing any coherence, nor sense, nor grace upon those events. Therefore, there's no duty on my part to search for it. You know of me all I can bear to be known. All that is relevant to be known. That is to say, you know my genuine friendship… and loyalty. Can that be enough and there still be trust between us?”

Madi, to Rogers, in 409: “The voice you hear in your head… I imagine I know who it sounds like, as I know Eleanor wanted those things. But I hear other voices. A chorus of voices. Multitudes. They reach back centuries. Men and women…and children who'd lost their lives… to men like you. Men and women and children forced to wear your chains. I must answer to them and this war… their war… Flint's war… my war…it will not be bargained away to avoid a fight, to save John Silver's life… or his men's… or mine. And you believe what you will, but it was neither I nor Flint… nor the Spanish raider who killed your wife. That, you did.”

[starbuck]

me @ me: shut up about Narrativesickness, shut up about Narrativesickness, shut-

[intolerablexsacrifice]

HEADCANON. (don’t r/b)

SO let’s talk about parallels for a second:

S2E2, to Hennessey: You might like him, sir. Actually, I went to one of those salons of his, the ones that half the Royal Society attend but most deny. Most of those men are pretenders, sir - attracted to his ideas because they make them feel like radicals, but Thomas... When he talks about the need to rethink things, systemic things, I think he truly believes what he’s saying. And what’s more, I’m afraid I might believe a good deal of it as well.

S3E1, to Silver: These days, any man who can sew a black flag and get ten fools to follow him can take a prize. They can take it because of the fear that I and men like me have instilled in their prey. But they can’t do what I can do. They’re not built for it. And sooner or later they’ll be exposed. Any fool who followed Hallendale deserves whatever end they got in his company. You were right. This war is getting more dangerous. The strong among us must stand together and face it. But the fools, and the pretenders? They were never truly among us to begin with.

The main point I want to make here is that Flint places a great deal of importance on what he sees as true believers, because he has experience with the reality of asking people to take risks in order to try and make a change. There’s a parallel between the men who sat in Thomas’ salon but left the moment they were asked to actually stand up and fight, leaving only Peter Ashe behind (who later became corrupt) and the pirates that have begun taking advantage of Flint’s notoriety. 

Flint knows there’s a difference. He knows that when the pirates of Nassau are called upon to fight against England or Spain (because there’s an alliance between various captains at this point, I believe, who are being bribed/paid with the Urca gold to ensure they defend the island if it comes under attack) that most of them will run rather than fight. He says something in either season 3 or 4 that calls back to this- I’m too damn lazy to find it, but it’s like “As soon as those men hit the beach, nine in ten of ours will run” or some shit when they’re about to come under attack. 

(And it’s also worth noting than in S3E1, he doesn’t see Silver as ‘one of us’, I don’t think, which is part of why that speech sounds like an accusation. He knows Silver has only been in this for the gold until now, and because his disability leaves him with few other options. Which is part of why Silver finally gains his respect after The Shark Scene, because Flint asks what he did with his share of the gold, and Silver says he gave it up because he saw no way to keep it and remain part of the crew. It isn’t just that Silver outsmarted him - it’s that Silver’s motives have changed to something that sets him apart from the ‘fools and pretenders’ (aka The Unbelievers) Flint refers to, and a little closer to Flint’s own ideals.)

Naturally, as much as this all sounds like it’s based on Flint looking down on unbelievers/people that aren’t willing to fight for a cause or stand up for what they believe in/etc, let’s... not forget that this is also sheer arrogance on his part. Flint believes himself smarter and more capable than most people (hence, part of why he’s so willing to go to extreme lengths for his goals- he believes No-One Else Can Or Will, So He Must), which again, is part of why Silver outsmarting him and giving up his claim to the gold leads Flint to start putting him on a... fucking pedestal or whatever by the time we hit S4. 

He does this to the point of eventually elevating Silver and Madi above himself, actually- hence his, “I think that you are the best of us. The two of you are the world in balance.” late in season 4, long after he’s conceded most of his power and influence and reputation to Silver. And it’s worth noting that in this equation, Madi is elevated because of her ideals above all else. She’s the ‘truest believer’ of them all to Flint, and the closest parallel to Thomas (and Flint is very aware of literary parallels within his own life- it’s why he starts paralleling Silver and Thomas throughout season 2, he knows literary tropes and is constantly applying them to his own life to try and make sense of his narrative and have some semblance of control over it), hence why he looks so damn Shook(TM) after she quotes Too much sanity may be madness; and maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be to him.

[mycenaae]

“there is no storyteller imposing any coherence, nor sense nor grace on those events. therefore there is no attempt on my part to search for it.” but you’ve spent your life with flint trying to become that storyteller silver!!!!!!!! you want so badly to be the author of your own story not just in the sense of having agency and control but you want to literally write and rewrite your story as you live it!!!!!!! i am screaming at the top of my lungs!!!!!!!

[calamitys-child]

THAT THERE IS NO STORYTELLER IMPOSING ANY COHERENCE // SILVER MAKING A ROLE FOR HIMSELF DEDICATED TO STORYTELLING // ANOTHER STORYTELLER VIOLENTLY IMPOSING COHERENCE UPON SILVER'S LIFE // AUDIENCE COMPLICITY

[olreid]

it’s like… flint’s odysseus/olive trees monologue in s1 shows his desire, even when we first meet him, to break free of the narratives and roles that he finds himself trapped in following thomas’s death... and black sails, which is conscious of being a story about storybook characters, explores the idea of acting out roles/fulfilling destinies with other characters to varying degrees throughout the show... but silver is the only one who actually manages to make it out of the story in the end and he fucking hates it!! like by the end of s4 he is able to free himself of flint and the war and the “pirate king” stuff because he truly believes that “there is no storyteller imposing any coherence, nor sense, nor grace upon those events. therefore, there's no duty on my part to search for it” etc. etc... and he even goes beyond that kind of passive narrative agnosticism to spend the end of the season actively attempting to destroy any threads of meaning being woven between him and flint, him and the pirates, etc.. until his finale monologue when he describes taking flint to the plantation and he says “it was as if the last ten years had never happened.” so we have not only the lack of belief in narrative, but also the deliberate attempt to erase events and meaning when they do occur..… he leaves the treasure buried, he breaks the agreement with the maroons, he betrays the trust of everyone he cares about in order to break free of what he believes to be an oppressive cycle of violence and a harmful story about the relationship between war and men that he and those around him are trapped in… and the joke is on HIM because he walks out of the story only to spend his whole life searching for anything resembling the sense of significance and belonging he knew as flint’s counterpart! and so the real tragedy is that you literally cannot win because you can exercise your agency and get up the nerve to leave the story that is pinning you down but without stories and narrative structure life has no meaning... where else are you going to wake up in the morning and matter bitch!!!

[im-the-punk-who]

Black Sails as John Silver's SuperVillain Origin Story

Okay so I recently got asked about my views on Silver in a roundabout way so HERE ARE SOME OF THEM. I don’t often post about him because honestly I just really dislike him but he’s an extremely well written character and one of the best ‘villains’ I have ever seen portrayed. The reason Black Sails is such a compelling prequel to Treasure Island is that it does not just say ‘John Silver is a villain because he does bad things.’ Like all the characters in Black Sails he is complex, with deep and thoughtful motivations for the things he does. We see him as a villain because Black Sails sets his goals up in opposition to those of the protagonists we want to succeed - Flint and Madi - but he is not villainous in his own right.

But it is the effects of those motivations on himself that, to me, are the most interesting. 

And just up front because I know this is a touchy subject - especially coming from, well, me, lmao. This is how I read Silver. If you disagree, that’s cool. Like literally everything else in Black Sails(and fiction in general), Silver’s character is mutable based on your views and experiences. Tomato/Tomato.

So! To me, the most important thing about John Silver’s character in Black Sails, is who he is in Treasure Island. Black Sails is a prequel, and Silver is a major character in Treasure Island. We see his actions in the book(albeit through the story of the man who survives him, and, oof, isn’t that a bit of a kicker). We know that in this future Silver is still a lying, manipulative and mysterious person, hard not to like but hard to know.

That consistency is the most important part of Long John Silver’s character to me: he doesn’t really change from the beginning of Black Sails to the end, because he’s not really meant to. 

Silver may not exactly like the person he is but there is no point in trying or wanting to change.  In his view, who he is is just as immutable as the world he exists in. 

And that's the brilliance of Black Sails. 

Silver isn’t the way he is because he is ‘evil,’ or because he wants to intentionally cause harm. He is the way he is because it is the only way he’s worked out to survive. It is “the only state in which he can function.” He does not believe in a cosmic story, in a grand design or justice in the world - and because of that he does not see the point in trying to change something that has kept him alive thus far to appease it.

The entirety of the beach flashbacks is, to me, the summation of both Flint and Silver’s characters but this in particular I feel is important:

-Do you really imagine a few weeks of this is going to make much of a difference? Am I not what I am at this point?

-It's better than nothing.

In the grand scheme, Flint and Silver only know each other for about six months. 

Their relationship - especially to Silver - is a transient one. A handful of weeks. Was it ever enough to expect it to make any bit of difference?

But not so for Flint. He truly believes humans are capable of change, and he believes even the smallest bit of progress is worth the effort. Flint takes the things that happen to him and make them a part of him.

But for Silver,

I've come to peace with the knowledge...that there is no storyteller imposing any coherence, nor sense, nor grace upon those events.

Therefore, there's no duty on my part to search for it.

Silver refuses to acknowledge his own story and so is unable or unwilling to see himself as capable of change throughout it. Or even really the need for change. And that’s not said as a negative - that is who he is. That is who his past - whatever it was - has taught him.

And so he consistently acts solely for his own gain, benefit, and safety. Because if he doesn’t, who else is going to?

And this continues the differences between Flint and Silver. 

While Silver is very wrong that his past is irrelevant, he is correct in that it doesn't matter. It doesn’t matter what his past is, because we can clearly see the effects of it. We don't NEED to know his past to understand his actions.

However, without knowing Flint’s backstory - Thomas, Miranda, England’s betrayal - his actions don't make sense. They are erratic: they seem villainous and vile and like the acts of a tyrant or a madman. Because his actions are tied to his story.

But from the very first moment we see Silver fight the cook over what he presumes is a chance at living, Silver is clearly trying to figure out what is best for him. 

He doesn’t care about Flint’s war, or what the treasure could fund. He doesn’t care about the pardons, and he doesn't care about England. He doesn’t care about piracy. All he cares about at first is the life the treasure could buy him. But when he loses his leg, suddenly the thing he literally spent two seasons fucking everyone over for becomes completely inconsequential, because it no longer benefits him.

It is without relevance.

And through the very last time we see him speaking him to Madi, he is doing the same thing. 

That's not to say he doesn't form friendships or care about people. He is, indeed, a hard man not to like, and I think he also genuinely likes people as well. But that doesn’t mean he changes because of them. The friendships he forms with Flint - with Billy, with Muldoon and Randall and the other crew members - the relationship he forms with Madi. They are all real, but they are also all expendable to ensure his own comfort and survival. 

In the first episode of season 2 we’re told point blank:

It’s likely that if our interests were averse, I’d betray you to save myself.

And of course at this point Silver and Flint are little more than necessary enemies, Silver has no reason to want Flint alive. But the pattern holds throughout the whole show. 

Later in season 2, when Flint is thinking about changing tactics to prioritize the pardons over the gold, Silver has no problem screwing over the entire crew(minus the two men he’s recruited) to meet his own ends. It’s what’s best for him, and Silver operates on this assumption that every person needs to look out for themselves. 

And then again, in the finale of season 2 - he saves the crew because it also means saving himself. When Vincent brings up leaving, Silver says that they would likely be killed if they tried - he’s already considered that option and rejected it because his odds of survival are higher sticking with the crew. 

And then of course, in season three, in the maroon cages - you can bet that the fact that flint’s psyche basically controlled whether they all - including him - lived or died was a major driving force behind his dedication to getting Flint to come up with a plan better than Billy’s in which - again - they all likely end up dead. 

His relationships with Madi and Flint in particular are deep, and so it is the worst thought possible when he realizes that they are starting to agree with each other, but not with him. When Madi agrees with Flint over trading the cache for the fort, I read this as the true end of Silver’s support of the war because the war now threatens his personal ‘safety.’

Because at that moment, the thing most important to him is keeping Madi - who he not only has come to care for but who supports him. And she makes him know she supports him. And the prospect of losing that is what ultimately I think drives him to planning to send Flint away, rather than bring Thomas there or some other plan. 

And again it isn’t maliciousness - not outright. He is doing what he thinks he needs to to survive, because he cannot have enough faith in either Flint or Madi to think they won’t drop him the moment he stops being invaluable. And in the end, that lack of faith is what spells the end for any chance he has at having them in his life.

When he thinks Madi might die if they continue, he doesn’t care if she hates him. He doesn’t care if Flint hates him. He doesn’t care if the relationship is destroyed if he gets what he wants out of it. Madi’s survival. The end of the war. An end to Flint and Madi’s relationship so that he can ‘protect’ her from death and choose how he ‘loses’ her. It is always less painful to be the one doing the leaving.

Based on his world view - that you must protect what is in your own interests and the only person you can count on is yourself - that is the right thing to do.

Over and over we see that Silver is mostly interested in other people through the guise of his interest in keeping himself alive. And I also think that because of that, he views himself as expendable to other people as well. 

When Muldoon insists that the crew would take care of him if he needed that, it’s clear that Silver doesn’t believe him. He still believes himself to be expendable unless he is useful. He is constantly managing his image, managing how people see him, managing the things he allows others to see and what dangers or threats they pose to him, because he believes these are the things that keep him safe. Not his friendships, but what he brings to them.

Part of what’s so heartbreaking about Silver’s arc in season 4 is how terrifyingly close he comes to believing himself worthy. He wants the war because the two people who mean the most to him, who he sees as vital to his own survival - Flint and Madi - are both committed to it. And he’s committed to them. But I also think that just for a second, he starts to see their vision. 

When things are going well, when he can’t see the body count, he comes so close. But then of course, when everything falls apart and he is forced to confront once again the horrors of the world, he retreats.

That line he has:

And as long as (I have his true friendship) he is going to have mine.

I see that get thrown around a lot as a declaration of love, of deep feelings - and it is, to an extent. But it is also a sign of the deep mistrust that Silver harbors even when he is not looking to.

Even in this moment when he has Madi, when it must seem like they are nigh unstoppable and Silver himself is poised at the head of this great thing - when he and Flint are closest and when, I assume, Flint couldn’t fathom betraying him. Silver is still thinking in the eventuality that it will happen.

I have his true friendship, and as long as that is true, he is going to have mine. 

Silver’s love is always conditional. And that doesn’t make it any less ‘real’. It doesn’t make it any less important. But it does make it easier to take back. And that’s important for him!! It’s important for Silver’s own safety that he never rely on someone so much that he cannot cut them loose if they pose a ‘danger’ to him.

And to me, that’s the most important thing to realize about Silver. He is a ‘villain’ - and again I use the term loosely because he is ONLY a ‘villain’ because our protagonist’s stories are set in opposition to his - because he will always put himself above the grander goal. 

We see this in Black Sails, and we see this in Treasure Island. John Silver betrays Jim even though he feels conflicted about it. It isn’t until the very end, until Silver sees once again the same opportunity flash before his eyes where someone he loves is in danger and he cannot live with their death, that the treasure itself becomes unimportant again. Black Sails does an incredible job of giving us an antagonist whose defining trait is that he cannot see himself being meaningful in any way that matters. 

Silver ends up destroying just about every relationship he has because of this inability. Time and again when he is faced with an opportunity for growth that comes with hard decisions, he chooses to destroy himself. Because it is easy. 

It is easy to destroy the thing you do not care about, it is easy to destroy yourself if you don't value yourself. To call it winning because at least you are still alive and the things you’ve had to sacrifice are merely unimportant - inconsequential. But thinking like that hurts not only ourselves, but others too. 

And it is not that Silver puts himself first, plenty of other characters do that as well - Miranda, Jack, Max. It is the fact that Silver must deny himself in the process that makes him the villain not just in Black Sails, but in his own story. And THAT is the origins of his supervillain story. That he is, in fact, his own. 

[brinnanza]

“No one's past is that unremarkable.”

“Not unremarkable, just... without relevance. A long time ago, I absolved myself from the obligation of finding any. No need to account for all my life's events in the context of a story that somehow... defines me. Events, some of which, no one could divine any meaning from... other than that the world is a place of unending horrors. I've come to peace with the knowledge... that there is no storyteller imposing any coherence, nor sense, nor grace upon those events. Therefore, there's no duty on my part to search for it.”

silver’s relationship with narrative fascinates me because it is, at all times, a tool to be used. narrative, controlling it, telling it, shaping it, is power, but it is power that is ultimately shaped by the teller. there is no omniscient being telling silver’s life story, so it is not given any meaning beyond what he himself gives it. the parts that he tells as a tool of control are imbued with meaning when he tells them because he tells them. there is nothing to be gained by telling flint about his past because there’s no goal in the telling. that silver presents himself honestly to flint, that he presents his genuine friendship and loyalty, is a sufficient explanation - there’s no need, to silver’s mind, to know the details that lead to it. the journey is only important if the telling can be used for some end; otherwise, the end is the only part that matters.

meta-textually, of course, this takes place within a larger narrative, and though there is a storyteller imposing coherence on the events of the story, the particular details for silver’s past are still, within the context of the story, not necessary to be known. we see silver as he is, as the summation of his life’s events. we can trace his journey through what is shown on screen, but there is by necessity so much left out of the telling. the audience doesn’t know what precisely made john silver into the man we meet in the pilot, but we don’t necessarily need to either. where flint is a man driven almost entirely by his own past - and to know that past is to know flint, in many ways - silver is driven by his own present. “you know all of me that I can bear to be known,” he tells flint, because the present, the parts that flint has been beside him for, the things they have shared, are the only parts relevant to the present. for all silver’s past may have shaped him, the parts that are because of flint are the only parts silver can bear to be known.

[stoneantler]

You know, I've been thinking a lot about Silver's speech on the cliffs. Specifically this bit: ”I've come to peace with the knowledge that there is no storyteller imposing any coherence, nor sense, nor grace upon those events.” And about why he can't tell his story.

Flint (and some of the fandom) takes his response as meaning ‘there is a story and I refuse to tell it to you.’ Of course, there’s also the (entirely correct) interpretation that Silver is saying that he has no backstory because this is his backstory. The events that happen in the series are more formative than any others in his entire life. And then there's the interpretation that Silver’s story is so traumatic that he cannot bear to tell it, which is an interesting and fruitful interpretation (one I don’t disagree with).

But I've always seen his response as Silver saying, ‘I can't tell you the story of my past because I can't even tell it to myself.’ What if the story of his past is full of events that he can't explain, actions he can't justify, and outcomes that he doesn't know how he reached. I don’t see it as entirely an issue of Silver struggling to explain random events that happened to him but rather him struggling to explain his own actions to himself. After all, we cannot go back into our own past minds to tease apart what motivated us in the moment.

What if every time Silver tries to tell a true story about himself he's completely tongue tied and not (just) because of trauma, shame, or a need to protect himself, but simply because he doesn't know his own story.

[maremote]

Black Sails Monologuolympics BR4.2: SILVER MONOLOGUES: FINALS🥈

1/1: 409 vs 408

Silver, to Flint, in 409: "I have no story to tell. [...] Not unremarkable, just… without relevance. A long time ago, I absolved myself from the obligation of finding any. No need to account for all my life's events in the context of a story that somehow… defines me. Events, some of which, no one could divine any meaning from… other than that the world is a place of unending horrors. I've come to peace with the knowledge… that there is no storyteller imposing any coherence, nor sense, nor grace upon those events. Therefore, there's no duty on my part to search for it. You know of me all I can bear to be known. All that is relevant to be known. That is to say, you know my genuine friendship… and loyalty. Can that be enough and there still be trust between us?”

Silver, to Flint, in 408: “My God. The number of times I have followed you blindly, backed you with the men blindly, put men in the fucking ground… good men, friends… because you said, "I know the way. "Don't ask me how. "Just do as I say." I may not have understood it, I may not have supported it, but I did it! And God damn it, right now you're going to return the favor! We will find a way to put it all back together with whatever we have left at our disposal. But do not ask me to choose between a war and a wife. I do not think you're going to like the answer. Whatever must be done to secure Madi's release, I'm going to do it. I do not expect your understanding, but I demand your support. As my partner, as my friend. Do I have it?”

polls tagged #bsm45

[intolerablexsacrifice]

candlewinds‌:

I understand it. I understand the allure of ensuring that no one will ever think you the villain you fear you are.

[kiwimidnight]

John Silver in every episode: XXXVII.  I have no story to tell. It all might seem as though I'm trying to conceal something from you, but truth is... there is no story to tell. No one's past is that unremarkable. Not unremarkable, just without relevance. A long time ago, I absolved myself from the obligation of finding any. No need to account for all my life's events in the context of a story that somehow defines me. Events, some of which, no one could divine any meaning from other than that the world is a place of unending horrors. I've come to peace with the knowledge that there is no storyteller imposing any coherence, nor sense, nor grace upon those events. Therefore, there's no duty on my part to search for it. You know of me all I can bear to be known. All that is relevant to be known. That is to say, you know my genuine friendship and loyalty. Can that be enough and there still be trust between us?

[eliamertell]

Black Sails characters: Long John Silver "I have no story to tell. It all might seem as though I'm trying to conceal something from you, but truth is there is no story to tell. A long time ago, I absolved myself from the obligation of finding any. No need to account for all my life's events in the context of a story that somehow defines me. Events, some of which, no one could divine any meaning from other than that the world is a place of unending horrors. I've come to peace with the knowledge that there is no storyteller imposing any coherence, nor sense, nor grace upon those events. Therefore, there's no duty on my part to search for it."

[piratemadi]

WHY did you say this. flint is the only storyteller to ever impose any coherence on silvers life and silver wants so so badly to hate him for it

do i have a crush? no i think it’s way more likely that he’s a god and has powers which he is using to make me have butterflies in my tummy when he talks

[sjuulsjuul]

John Silver Appreciation Week - Most Memorable Quote

XXXVII. I have no story to tell. I know it might seem as though I’m trying to conceal something from you, but, truth is, there is no story to tell. No one’s past is that unremarkable. Not unremarkable, just… without relevance. A long time ago, I absolved myself from the obligation of finding any. No need to account for all my life’s events in the context of a story that somehow… defines me. Events of which, some of which no one can divine any meaning from… other than that the world is a place of unending horrors. I’ve come to peace with the knowledge that there is no storyteller imposing any coherence, nor sense, nor grace upon those events. Therefore, there’s no duty on my part to search for it.