#( I feel like it's harder to get people to interact : / )
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WHEN I TOUCH HER
Thomas Shelby x Reader
Summary: Tommy sees Y/N some time after breaking it off, she doesn't seem to notice him.. or does she?
A/N: Interact with the stories you read! It's important. Who wants something more tonight?:)
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People surely noticed, looking over curiously as several blinders entered the pub. Not making a ruckus of sort, slipping between other people in the fairly big crowd.
Some joined others by the table, greeting with wide grins those they know so well. Others, like John and Arthur came up to the bar, so much bigger than one in the Garrison. Three barmaids worked behind the counter, skillfully pouring all kinds of alcohol for the men in need. Known well among the people of Birmingham, they didn't have to call over to the working women to get what they came for. One of the barmaids handed over a full bottle of the finest Irish whiskey, receiving a good tip as the younger man left it on the counter, pushing it towards her with a wink.
Y/N, one of the barmaids didn't notice any of the Shelby brothers just yet, focused on the orders and techniques she taught herself so well. Tips were pouring like never before that night, as the rich guests consistently ordered more and more. A woman with such abilities was surely never seen before in any local club around here.
Night seemed to be coming to a head as the crowd slightly dispersed, giving her a much more clear view on the whole, rather massive, room. To say she saw him right away would be a lie, but Y/N could feel an intense gaze on her hands and face as she worked, cleaning up the glasses and wiping the counter down before finally looking up.
The man she avoided for over a month, more or less successfully stood there, hands stuffed in his pockets as he watched her from across the room. Despite the fact that this place was bursting at the seams, his gaze didn't falter as he watched her expression change, one much more bitter than the whiskey he held in his right hand.
”Fuck” Y/N sighed under her nose, internally rolling her eyes as she saw in her peripheral vision him slowly approaching.
Not giving him a chance to speak to her, Y/N turned around, wiping all the shelves behind her, keeping herself busy with anything, just so he wouldn't speak up. Involuntarily, the corner of her mouth raised slightly hearing his sigh of annoyance behind her back.
”Y/N” Thomas said, sitting on one of the stools. He wasn't surprised with the way she was acting, not really, knowing the situation he put them in some time ago. ”Y/N” He repeated, a little louder before dropping the glass onto the counter, causing her to huff before finally facing him.
Taking in the sight of him, already sitting by the counter, Y/N realized he wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon.
”What the hell did I do to see you here today, Shelby?” Came out of her mouth as a greeting, her tongue effortlessly sharp as always before she cocked her eyebrow. ”Don't you have whiskey in your own pub?”
Tommy looked at her for a moment, nodding lightly with an amused smile, causing her anger to simmer even harder.
”Came to see what all the noise's about, yeah?” He offered, pushing his empty glass forward, as in a silent order for a fill up. Without missing a beat she turned it upside down, slamming against the wood in front of him.
”Unfortunately we're closing soon. Find your way out, would you?” She said, smiling so nicely in such a fake manner, Tommy internally winced.
Letting out a sigh, he got up from his chair, leaning forward on his arms.
”Don't be like that,” He insisted, looking her in the eyes.
Tommy knew how this... The whole situation looked. Without knowing the details, it was messy and he was an asshole. Like always. When usually it didn't bother him much, Tommy couldn't shake this off. So aware of what was going on in her head about him.
”Like what?” She hissed, unable to hold back the anger she held in her fear for so many days now. ”You made your choice, now don't you dare come around in a state of boredom telling me what to do!” She stated sharply, a little louder than intended which brought the attention of one of her coworkers, Diana.
She came closer, tossing the rag aside as she eyed both Thomas and Y/N, before reaching out to touch her shoulder.
”Everything alright, hun? Is this man bothering you?” She offered, narrowing her eyes without dropping his gaze.
Hearing it, Tommy smirked lightly, highly amused with how... Fitting this environment was to Y/N's combative personality.
Are all of them that feisty?
Y/N sighed, shaking her head as she ran a hand through her hair.
”No, Diana, it's fine he's just... A bloody idiot, he is.” She said, glaring at him before adding. ”But he's no threat. I'm fine. Get behind the bar, would you?”
After hearing an affirmative answer, Y/N grabbed a pack of cigarettes from under the counter, walking around it and heading through the door. Tommy stood there for a moment, with his eyebrows raised in surprise. Only when Diana narrowed his eyes at him, contempt clear as day in her eyes, he rolled his own before following after Y/N.
She didn't go far, as a cloud of smoke awaited him right by the entrance, in the slightly darker side of the building. Moving closer Tommy lit his own cigarette, the air around them much different as the scenery changed. The reality heaving on his heart as he saw her hardened face.
”Y/N just let me say something, aye? If after that you decide you can't be arsed to talk to me, I'll leave.” He offered, the previous confidence and cockiness in his voice now gone. A long silence followed the echo of his low, husky tone while Tommy awaited her answer, standing nearby, yet not close enough.
Her hand was super still, eyes blank as she stared ahead for a moment.
”I simply don't understand why you're bothering me now, Shelby. It's been a couple weeks and you're suddenly back like a bloody boomerang.” Y/N made sure her voice was steady and confident as she spoke, knowing that she would be able to read her eyes, so the poor lighting was an advantage she was happily using.
He walked back and fourth a couple steps, smoking the cigarette before throwing it on the ground, stepping on it with the heel of his black, leather shoe.
”Campbell sent her to the Garrison. She came and sang, lied to us lot sayin' she's from Ireland.” Thomas finally spoke up, taking a step forward and keeping just the minimal, necessary distance he knew she needed. His eyes locked on her as best as he could in the dark, feeling her gaze as she hears his words. ”But Polly knew, saw her by the cut with 'im. Wore a hat, thought it would be enough to fool us.” a dry chuckle left his lips. ”After a couple meetings she started spilling, believed I felt the same. Kept talkin' and I needed to have the full view before the races.” The explanation slowly started.. having sense. But not enough to calm her nerves fully.
”No need to explain it all, no it's in the past.” She said, focusing on the black material of his tie, not looking at his face. ”You've had a long time to tell me, hell, to warm me you'd go 'round with a blonde on your arm, but you didn't. Now it's– not important.” Y/N said, involuntarily stuttering by the end of her sentence.
It was all... Hard. Hard on a different level. Before it all came to a head, it was all uncertain as well. He'd come, take her places or fuck her over the counter. He'd tell her things, but never enough to make it special. Keep his arm around her shoulders in the pub but never call her his. Y/N wasn't sure what was happening between them back then, but she liked it. Felt good around the man with blood on his hands and dimples in his cheeks. The casual flings turning into something she held dear to her heart, without trying to make it hard on him with confessions.
...but then she came around, taking all his attention. Leaving Y/N feeling like nothing important, like an underwhelming fuck he'd want to forget about.
Not calling, not talking, not coming to see her.
So she moved past it, and now he was back, suddenly scooting closer and getting ahold of her hands as she finished her cigarette, ripping her out of the dark thoughts.
”He was watching you. Knew about us, I couldn't risk them taking you to jail. Not after Arthur came back barely walking.” His voice was stern, more desperate now as he saw what seemed to be indifference in her eyes. ”Look at me, Y/N” He asked, quieter, and this worked.
It always did when he talked to her gently, using the soft tone he hasn't used with anyone else. So she looked, seeing the sadness in his eyes.
”I'm looking, Thomas. It's a lot.” She admitted, her teeth nipping on her lower lip nervously.
”I know.” He responded, leaning down for a better look on her eyes. ”Today were the races. I was supposed to take her with me so she'd sing all the missing bits into my ear.” Tommy added, his voice growing husky, breathing more ragged.
”Why the hell would you tell me that now?” She asked, frustrated with his weird tactics, jealousy gnawing on her throat. Thomas smiled lightly, not noticeably seeing it.
”Because I didn't take her. Made sure she's gone for good.” Y/N's eyes widened in surprise, her eyes meeting his as she searched for the truth. He was honest. Another step closed the distance between them, his firm chest pressing lightly against her own before he leaned forward, caging her between the wall. Calloused fingers gripped her chin, tilting her head up so she wouldn't look away.
Oh, how he missed the way she looked at him. These deep, expressive eyes he grew to yearn after whenever she wasn't around.
”Because when I touched her...” Tommy whispered, moving even closer. His warm breath touching her lips and chin. ”It felt like I was cheating on you.” His forehead came to rest against hers, feeling how she slightly relaxed against his body. ”I couldn't risk putting you in danger just because I so desperately need you around, Miss Y/L/N. You must forgive an old fool, eh?” His low voice slightly muffled, as his lips moved against hers in the incredibly close proximity they found themselves in.
Y/N chuckled, hearing him. The tears in her eyes remain hidden from his watchful gaze only because of the awful lighting by the pub.
”You're awful, Shelby.” She finally breathed out, leaving a small kiss, almost a peck on his lips before pushing her arms beneath his coat, wrapping them around his torso. ”Hug me, Tommy” Y/N asked quietly, touching the terrain they never explored before. The simple intimacy with no sexual undertones.
Surprisingly, Tommy couldn't imagine a better ending to this encounter as his arms wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her face into his neck.
Resting his chin on her head, Thomas knew he was the real winner, regardless of the race results.
#cillian murphy#tommy shelby#cillian murphy smut#cillian murphy x reader#thomas shelby#tommy shelby smut#tommy shelby dark#peaky blinders#tommy shelby fluff#tommy shelby x reader#thomas shelby dark#thomas shelby smut#thomas shelby x reader#tommy
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The Truth Of The Matter - Part 3
Masterlist
Part 1 | Previous
Minotaur M Best Friend X Human GN Fat Reader
CW: monsterfucking, clubbing, drinking, slight body insecurity
A few weeks went by, and the dress haunted you from your closet. You had put it on a couple of times, but chickened out each time.
Tonight was the night, though. You were going to do it. You were feeling hot today, and you figured if there was ever a time, now was it. You and Rin were both getting ready for the usual club, respectively.
You spent more time than you normally did on your face and hair. You went ultra femme, the tight red dress and sheer black tights. You put on your favourite strapy black heels and curled your hair. After a final look in the mirror, and a calming breath, you made your way to the living room where Rin was waiting for you.
You felt nervous for some reason. And embarrassed. You tried shaking it.
Rin caught you from the corner of his eye, and did a legitimate double take. His jaw dropped, for the second time.
“You’re wearing that tonight?” His voice cracked.
“Yeah, I mean, if I look as hot as you say I do, maybe I’ll catch someone extra pretty tonight.” You joked. His face went blank. Your normally open friend became unreadable.
“You know, I’m actually not up to it tonight.” He spoke flatly, but his words felt like knives. Did he not like the dress on you anymore? “I… I’m not feeling good. I just can’t take it.” He finished lamely.
Your shoulders sank. “But I was so excited.” You pouted and looked at your dolled up face in the decorative mirror that hung nearby.
“You should still go. Have fun. I’m probably just gonna go to bed early.” His tone was still bizarre. You didn’t understand.
“No, it’s ok, I’ll make some soup, and we can watch a-” you turned back to your room as you spoke, but were interrupted by his suddenly harsh tone.
“No, just go. I’m fine. Go have fun.” He stood and walked past you. The door to his room clicked when it latched. You stood in your living room, bewildered and a little bit hurt.
Fuck it. You thought. You looked hot, felt good, and clearly Rin needed some space. You’d give him as much as he wanted. You grabbed your handbag and headed out.
The club was dead when you arrived. You hadn’t meant to leave quite that early, but after the strange experience with Rin, you’d practically ran there. About 15 people milled around.
Brutus welcomed you with a low whistle when you walked by him. You blushed and twirled, giggling.
“Damn, you poured into that?” He teased and followed it with a chef's kiss.
You received a similar response from Viola. “Baby if I hadn’t paid a fuck ton of money to turn my cock into a pussy, I’d have a raging boner right about now.”
“Ew, Vi?” You replied, screwing up your face. She cackled at your response.
“Seriously though, you look amazing. New dress?” She spoke as she prepped the bar for the night. You reached over and plucked a cherry from a dish, popping it into your mouth.
“Yeah, Rin bought it for me.” Your smile fell as you were reminded of the strange interaction earlier.
“Speaking of the big lug, where is he?” You didn’t reply for a moment, lost in thought. It was long enough she paused, and looked up at you. “Woah, what’s with the face? You guys okay?” She asked. You knew it wasn’t like you two to have conflict? And while you had wanted to move past it, it seemed harder than you’d expected.
“Huh?” You shook your head slightly and looked back at her. “Oh, yeah. Uh, he said something about how he ‘just can’t take it’.” You were about to explain that he wasn’t feeling well when Viola laughed.
“Yeah well, you can’t blame him.” She went back to her prep work. “Honestly, about time he said something.”
Maybe if she had been paying better attention, she’d have seen how confused you were. That she had misunderstood. But she hadn’t been. And she didn’t realize.
“What do you mean?” You asked.
She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly. “Well I mean the guys been in love with you his entire life, and he has to watch you go home with person after person each night. I wouldn’t be able to take it either.” She finally looked back at your face. It was her turn to be confused at your expression of utter shock.
“What are you talking about?” You spoke quietly. The music almost drowning you out.
Viola froze. “… What are you talking about?”
“Rin isn’t feeling well. He said he couldn’t take coming out tonight.” You clarified. It felt like the whole world fell away. The only thing you could see was Viola. “What did you think I was saying?”
Viola laughed awkwardly. “Yeah that’s what I meant too!” She spoke with too much enthusiasm. As if she could trick you into forgetting what she had just said.
“Vi, I swear to god.” You pushed every bit of threat you could muster into your tone. Her shoulders sagged. She sighed.
“I’m not supposed to tell you. It was an accident.” Viola chewed on her bottom lip.
You glared at her.
“Fine. But don’t you dare tell him I told you. I’ll make Brutus ban you.” She pointed to the door you knew he stood outside.
You crossed your arms. “Honestly, I’d like to see you try. He likes me more.” You smirked. “But I’m not going to say anything anyway. Can you please just explain yourself?” You refocused.
“Each night, you go home with someone. And each night, he sits here and drowns his sorrows, complaining about how much he loves you. I think he’s just a coward, but he says you don’t feel the same, and he doesn’t want to risk the friendship.” She looked at you anxiously. “I don’t know, that’s just what he’s said.”
She didn’t even finish the sentence before you were turning around. And then you were running.
#nb nsft#monster kink#monster x human#monster smut#monster fucker#monster boyfriend#monster lover#monster romance#monster fuqqer#monster k!nk#monster x reader#monsterfucking nsft#monster#minotaur x reader#minotaur smut#chubby!reader#chubby reader#chubby#fat nsft#fat body#fat reader#remiratboi#gn reader#plus size reader#barely edited#alcohol intox#clubbing#bdsmkink#bd/sm dom#queer bd/sm
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✦ I'M NOT YOURS
✦ one shot ,, yoichi isagi x f!reader.
✦ content:: you— a corporate worker— suffer being head over heels for isagi yoichi— a pro soccer player.
for @shrii-kk, angst/hurt/no comfort, 603 words
additional: reader FUMBLES big time, author's first time writing angst w no happy ending, author does NOT have experience in romance, no beta we die like my motivation
You didn't know how.
You just fell in love.
Isagi Yoichi is a very likeable person. So how could you not fall for him? He's kind, friendly, everything sweet. You witnessed it firsthand, knowing him since all the way back when both of you were children. You've been in each other's lives longer than you haven't, it's a type of friendship a lot of people want.
But that friendship is killing you. Being just friends is killing you.
You try and fail to get rid of these consuming feelings, knowing you can't have him. It'd be selfish of you, weighing him down when he's set on achieving his dreams. Would he, a professional soccer player, spare his time for a relationship with a forgettable nobody like you? He could do so much better.
How selfish of you, wishing he'd be yours.
You distanced yourself— to not fall harder than you already have— you know you can't have him. First, you stopped contacting him as often, and then you tried not to cling to him, tried not to hang onto his every word like it was your lifeline. It was difficult to let go, especially when he was your reason to keep going, your reason to live. But you had to do it. You can't keep being a burden. The weight of a relationship could hold him back.
Hours turned to days of no contact, to the point that you found your last conversation to be weeks ago. You could tell he was concerned. Each digital letter spelled it out. Alas, you brushed it off, saying you were busy. With his hectic schedule and you purposefully avoiding him, that connection that was tightly bound started to drift apart.
You ignored the heavy mix of feelings consuming you like wildfire. You needed to let him go.
The quest to distance yourself was successful.
It's been months, and you've convinced yourself that you got over him. You haven't interacted in a long while, so you shouldn't feel anything towards him, right?
So then why did your chest tighten at seeing those dark locks once again?
Isagi looked as surprised as you. After seasons of no contact, he was finally able to see you again— in an airport, walking across each other— the both of you were about to board on your flights to somewhere, a different location from the other. He called your name, it left nostalgic taste on his tongue.
You stared in silence. All the things you wanted to say, and all the things you shouldn't were stuck in your throat. So you settled for a simple nod of acknowledgement, forcing out a casual reply, one that held no trace of all the brewing emotions threatening to overflow within you. “How are you?” you asked, attempting to prompt a conversation for who knows what. Maybe you were desperate for some semblance of interaction, you hated that you missed him. You weren't supposed to.
He looks away, eyes flickering to somewhere else. “Haha, I'm doing fine. I got tournaments to win, games to play, planes to catch…” Isagi trails off, awkwardly fiddling with his hand. There, you spotted a glimpse of it— a golden jewelry adorning his ring finger— it caught the artificial lights of the bulbs above, and your gaze lingered onto it for a second longer than you'd like, the image burning into your mind.
It appears that the articles of him dating some big-shot star weren't just rumors. Hell, they were even engaged.
He's slipped through your fingers, and you let him go.
You weren't his. He wasn't yours.
(a/n):: mb for this writing slop ruejwhiw
taglist (ask to be added):: @tired-xyra-urstruly @fishii-writes @rini-rushed @rinitoshiplzdateme
@luzmilun @motchilyn
© fumiscripts 2024. don't steal, repost, translate or modify my works without my permission.
#✦ written in ink.#✦ featuring: yoichi isagi.#blue lock#bllk#blue lock x reader#bllk x reader#bllk x you#blue lock isagi yoichi#yoichi isagi x reader#yoichi isagi#isagi x reader#isagi yoichi#bllk isagi#blue lock isagi#isagi x you#isagi angst#blue lock angst#isagi fanfiction#blue lock fanfic#blue lock x female reader#bllk x female reader#female reader#bllk angst#angst#angst no comfort#hurt/no comfort#blue lock imagines#blue lock oneshots#oneshot#writers on tumblr
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Sometimes I just have to reread and reread and take in how you’ve written Fireheart because it’s just so…
He’s just so good. So genuinely and unceasingly good. He cares so much and more than that he’s wise. Sometimes a character will say something and I go ‘there’s no way to comfort someone about this’ and then five minutes after that Fireheart says something wise that makes me rethink some shit that I, a real life human, am doing. Which is hard! This is harder to write convincingly than a strong character, because a character like Fireheart whose greatest strength is his heart HAS to follow through. And he has to be genuinely emotionally intelligent in a way that can’t just be, like, told. It has to be shown. And you manage to show that to us flawlessly, constantly, and consistently.
Like, man. No wonder everyone loves this guy. I love this guy. Absolute favorite version of Fireheart that I have EVER read.
Also, follow-up, Cloudpaw’s situation. You managed to make it not kind of infuriating, you found a reason for what he was doing that honestly broke my heart, and you did it all so naturally I’m still reeling over it. And then you managed to have Fireheart make an argument so convincing without contradicting the beliefs that he already has (ie: he’s not a xenophobe) and it just. Man. I hadn’t even thought of come of that stuff. I’ll be honest, I remember reading the original series and thinking it was morally neutral for Cloudpaw to go eat kittypet food, and now I’m rethinking it!
It IS rude to steal food. It IS rude to feed yourself in a way you can’t share with the people you love who are in constant threat of starvation. I always thought of it as a practical way to feed himself that didn’t take from his clanmates but…it isn’t fair, is it? It’s not fair at all for him to do that. Most of the argument in the original series felt like ‘OTHER CULTURE BAD AND WRONG AND YOU WRONG FOR PART IN IT’ and it made me kind of side with Cloudpaw out of sheer spite. But this is so much better! Actual arguments! And REASONS! That make sense for why these kitty people are doing what they do and thinking how they think!
We always say the Erins were two steps to the left of greatness with these battlecats. I think they were actually two miles away, because they have never provided the characterization they need. I think they were two miles away because the premise is great, sure, and they can handle plot but they are incapable of making these cats feel like the people they are. The Warriors Clans in the original never felt like a community because every individual never felt like a living person and I think that’s a problem much farther than two steps away from greatness.
Anyways, all of this is to say: You’re doing great work and thank you for this latest update! I’ve been trying to comment more lately :D Share thoughts and stuff.
I absolutely adore these long, analytical asks. Thank you for this, and for so many compliments!
Fireheart is such a fun little guy to write specifically for his goodness, and how everyone around him interacts with that. It's not often that I get to handle a character as dedicated to compassion and love as him. His entire being is based around "I care" - that's something even his mother doesn't have, and she's the matriarch. There are a couple unique challenges to this that'll come along in the future, so I won't say anything here, but I am very interested to see how you feel about one of the last chapters in this book.
As for Cloudpaw, thank GOD I avoided the annoying aspect of it. His behavior and subplot in the books aggravated me to no end for a variety of reasons that I won't get into here, so I put a lot of work into justifying why he would do that in this version. With Fireheart's explanation of why stealing kittypet food is wrong, as well, I remember sitting down for a long moment with myself and slowly knitting together exactly why Fireheart would not approve of humoring kittypet stuff like that, when he's got the most understanding of that life out of anyone in the Clans. The fairness struck me, and that was his reason. The Clans definitely refuse wet food out of pride and discrimination first and foremost, and don't bother explaining it to kits beyond that, but if someone overheard Fireheart talking to Cloudpaw, they'd snap their fingers, point at him and go, "Exactly! Yes! That!" He managed to put into words a concept that the Clans subconsciously understand but don't really analyze to themselves.
For the Erins: honestly, yes, I agree. I could go on for YEARS about the characterizations and lack thereof in the books (someone remind me to rant about that at some point), and how much of the story could be so much greater and more natural if everyone had a consistent, present personality. And, honestly, that's what was the most wrong about the original Redux - no personalities for anyone. I spend a LOT of time stewing over the characters of everyone written in Iterum to make up for that. It brings me great joy to hear that my work has paid off!
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stop thinking so hard about it dude ur gnna get a headache
#breath of the wild#loz#tloz#link#zelda#in general i dont think of botws story so much as others but i also have this idea in my head of link regaining his memories but never#never quite being able to remember her face or even who exactly she was to him . like he sees how they interact in his memory but#he cant remember his own feelings. and maybe he remembers at the end when he sees her but maybe its more complicated than that#like in botw you can make the most of a wartorn world and have all kind of adventures and sidequests and build a home and a town and meet#new people and you cant do all of that on top of the 100 year sleep without coming out of it a different person.#which isnt bad. but i just imagine some things could get harder and harder to remember#' i dont think of botw's story as much as others ' maybe i do actually#meat art
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i've seen a fair bit of... pessimism about dorym lately, esp with the ep107, for example wondering if dorian's opposing views on the gods making orym fall out of love, and i have to say. i very highly doubt it, ur fr talking about the man who has held on to will for so long, holding onto will's family and affectionately calling this *his* family too because that didn't stop when will died. i dont think falling out of love is an option or even a thought to orym.
that said, we know that orym has contingencies for if anyone in bells hells crosses the line into being a version of themselves they would despise, for anyone who jeopardizes their mission. his mission. i think, for the first time since knowing dorian, orym finally has a contingency for him. the longer dorian is back, the more orym sees how scarred he is by what's happened (understandable so) and knows that dorian is with bells hells all the way. but if he isn't...
#lynx speaks#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#dorym#dorian x orym#i'll be so fr i hardly interact with the cr fandom at large bc soooooo many people are deeply pessimistic#i want to have fun!!!!! i AM having fun#and then i come here and see the most bad faith takes in all of the world ever and its disheartening!#where's ur fucken JOY where's ur fucken WHIMSY#bells hells is one of the wackiest groups with crazy dynamics between them all and its enjoyable!#ur Allowed to enjoy the things u watch i prommy#and to that point! people keep complaining that bells hells r indecisive and there r too many opposing views muddying things etc etc#1. ofc there r a lot of views. the real world is like that too. opposing views is one of the best story elements to enrich ur made up world#2. whenever there is a Big Decisive moment many instantly go 'noooooo not like that!!! that's not what *i*wanted' (ex: the shard.)#the cast receiving backlash from fans every time they r decisive and do something objectively fucken cool and interesting#means that any time they Think about doing a Big Thing... it gets a little harder bc what if the fans hate it. again. should i even do this#separating fandom from cast is a bit more difficult for this form of media and the inherent close proximity or creators to audience#so. just. maybe some of us could chill and cool off just a little. and maybe examine why This Thing is so terrible to u. and remember.#it may be terrible to *u* but thats where it stops. the specific bad feelings u have r not always indicative of media being Bad.#sometimes it's just not ur cup of tea and i PROMMY that its okay if its not
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reblog art, goddamnit
#post let luce#i know people make posts like this all the time#but I am so fucking tired#I post art for engagement. for interaction.#so many of those reblogs are tagless too#what do i make art for?#to throw it out to a silent audience? to get a clap and then work on the next performance?#this is not ragging on people who reblog. especially not those reblogging with tags#yall are the reason i *do* still post#but i honestly just wanna know what people think. i wish to hear their thoughts. the less people reblog the less people see#and the less people have the spoons to actually talk to me about my art#not doing so well rn so it just hits harder#and more and more tempted to just. not post on tumblr anymore#when i post stuff on discord it feels much more interactive#despite the audience being so much more limited#feeling bad about my art and posting on here isnt helping
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do love how this is an asoiaf blog but i did not put either show in my top 10 this is the world we live in
#the only season that really compares to the book is season 1.#the rest even when they’re engaging have changed something that feels so central to the hook that i’m mad aksjd.#getting on my soap box#if iwtv s3 is good it may knock someone out. probably qaf.#bsg is p high up there i just think season 4 really suffered on pacing & the suspicious nature of who dies annoyed me.#veep is also very high up there tbh i need to rewatch it. the thing is. as we know. i am a romantic at heart and amy & jonah have my favorit#sitcom relationship. veep has genuinely one of the best finales to ever exist but i’m a sap.#and amy coming back to tell jonah that he made her realize she doesn’t actually have to expect the worst from life. oh my god.#also superstore >>> parks & rec >>> the office bc superstore never romanticized the hell of their job#amy quitting her corporate job when she realized she would never be able to make the changes she wanted within the system she was always#going to compromise too much and wind up like jeff. glenn reopening his dad’s hardware shop & specifically who goes w him & who stays w gina#at the store? it has what the other two lack which is characters that feel like they keep existing after you stop watching#BECAUSE the way they interacted with the world was so real and so much more realistic. amy can’t fix the system but she can find a job that#she doesn’t feel is so soul sucking. glenn may be choosing a harder path by reopening the hardware store but it’s the one that makes him#most fulfilled. gina just gets to make money and be bossy w people who do what they’re told. that rings so true to me.#i almost out bojack horseman in here too actually but once again i think the last season just needed to be a tad longer just like bsg.#also same issue w pitch as w bly manor - it’s an amazingly written season of tv but it’s ONE season of tv#big brother as always outsells yes i am hoping to tempt some of u into watching by posting dan & ian in the dog costume#i have that gif and the ‘sit’ scene saved on my phone always
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We ought to write more Pokemon fic some time. We want to recreate the Pokemon Manners/Human Manners cheat sheet that we made a few years ago we think that this site would like the Sliding Scale Of Politeness When Greeting A New Pokemon You've Never Met Before.
#we speak#writing#we grew up with pmd games and we feel like the way that pmd pokemon's dialogue tends to be excessively... direct?#should be a feature and not a bug when any pokemon that you meet might be totally unfamiliar with your species and biology#it's probably very polite to start up front with some basic facts about yourself so they know how to act going forward#the very upfront feel to dialogue also very much helps with keeping the dialogue feel more... pokemon#people mock the series for weird npc dialogue a lot but we think that taking these things literally makes for more fun society building#it doesn't all have to fit with socially acceptable for our world we think. polite in our world isn't even consistent by household.#sometimes a polite interaction sounds like “hello! i'm poochyena! i like to chase people and bite!”#name and immediately socially useful information. now you know about the chasing people and biting so you don't assume it's rude#of course poochyena bites and chases people. it likes to do that. you can say you don't like that and it might stop doing that to You#but it will not stop biting and chasing people because that's what it likes to do and it will probably only befriend people okay with that#it makes a very specific dialogue feel that's very fun to do. we like how the pokemon world tends to treat any sort of like#disability or “weird” things as something that you just say out the gate and everyones like “oh okay”#and then treat that as Part Of Interactions going forwards. there are a surprising amount of parts of the pokemon manga#that are dedicated to working around a character's disability after one or all of their means of dealing with it get taken out#admittedly we aren't that caught up on newer content but we find the way that it tends to be just Accepted as very refreshing#making the dialogue this direct does also tend to make it read as more “childish” in english and particular because a lot of Maturity's jus#learning how to dance around what you're saying or phrase it in different ways to get your idea across differently#whereas here everything is just as direct as possible. “i don't like charmander”. “i like roasting berries”. “i want to dig things up”.#all pokemon dialogue tends to go towards being exceedingly simple and it makes for some very distinct writing#especially when you have to tackle complex situations with characters who probably dont employ that sort of vocabulary#though we personally enjoy doing this sort of stuff your mileage may vary ofc#we are biased towards this sort of thins because we find it MUCH more fun to build up what we're talking about from blocks#than to like. try and use more indirect wording that may lose things in translation#unfortunately this is not fun in irl conversation. everyone has to be on the same page and you need to use the same playbook to communicate#we REALLY wish people said what they meant though. we're really tired of being asked shit like “is this accessible”#when what they mean is “can you climb these stairs” a question which depends on the day our energy level and how things have been going#there are a lot of things we could say that would make us feel like some sort of anti sjw type guy and a lot of em boil down to just#"for the love of god dont dance around a Sensitive Topic just get to the point and ask us about it this just makes things harder for everyo
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should I get a ticket to a book signing on thursday.
#or is that a bad idea.#i feel like i need to get out and do something before i. yes.#but idk if I'm well enough :/#maybeeeee if i can get my dad to drive me so i don't have to get the train but that is a big maybe#it's like a whole evening thing but the vibes sound fairly lowkey so i don't think it would be too much#idk I've been struggling a lot with not being able to do things lately so. idk!#and I'd be going on my own which i don't mind but it is always that bit harder not having someone there in case i need help#i liked the author's first book well enough and there will probably be many gay people there so it might be nice to try and meet some peopl#idk!! i know i need to do things and have things to look forward to because otherwise. the demons. but it's so hard to balance when my body#is not on the same page#I've decided i will go and see lisa frankenstein when it's out and maybe also drive away dolls#so if nothing else i have my few times a year cinema trip to look forward to so maybe that will make me not want to kill myself for a bit.#sorry for vent essay i have been very much struggling to feel human recently. microdosing interacting with people.#being online is still making my brain feel strange so. idk what's up with that.
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i want to remove my new shrimp's pringle bc i wanna whack people with the Plush Tube but it's sewn on so I'd have to use my seam ripper
it won't make holes and he will still have the pringle only he can share now
#it is the perfect size to whap people repeatedly with#fwhap whap fwap fwhp#it's only held on by a few threads it won't require me breaking any actual seams#i always Hate sewing on my plushies bc i Think i might fall under the POSIC umbrella? they feel alive to me#they feel like Guys and moreso they're Guys Who Cannot Communicate With Me In Any Form#so i have no way of knowing if I'm hurting them or their feelings and that makes me so so so anxious#when i am interacting with ANY creature even bugs I always try to pay attention to every form of communication i can esp body language#i always to make sure I'm doing as little damage as possible to everything even to my own detriment a lot of the time#but these guys can't. tell me when i hurt them :(#i try to. calm my mind down. by thinking of it like surgery#like. having a hole in you sucks!!! and yeah stitches hurt but it's better than having a painful hole AND the pain goes away later!#and sometimes surgeries need to be done to free up body parts that are trapped by other body parts#which is like. when plushies have their limbs sewn down to their bellies or something. gotta free their limbs up! its probably not fun#like i know what it's like to not have the OPTION to use your hands and if i could do a quick procedure to get them back? absolutely#human hands are a lot harder to reconstruct than fabric though
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weekly breakdown post 😁 none of you hate me right !
#feeling a bit down ☹️ idk i just feel like#am i not social enough am i just annoying ☹️ i dont post a lot so idk what people follow me for but if i post too much am i being annoying ?#oueagh#vee rambles#like i know everyone has their own niches whatever but i don't know how you just establish connections with people so easily 💔💔#am i brushjng people off without knowing ???? am i just prickly??????#also as a conversationalist i know i dont have much to offer ☹️☹️ im not very funny or capable of very clever adult insights#so really im just kinda there 😞 and like i HAVE real life friends i HAVE a social circle theres no need to base my fulfilment socially on#online interactions 😭#idk maybe its because its harder or its something i feel i cant get that makes it such like a thing that bothers me#like 7 times out of 10 if im sadposting because of that#and its really embarrassing to say that the reason all these like moments of insecurity happen is because my mutuals. have friends#NOTHING AGAINST ANYONE OBVS THIS IS 100% A ME PROBLEM AND NOT EVERY INTERACTION SENDS ME INTO A TAILSPIN ITS JUST SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS#i thjnk it says something about me idk i dont like to think of myself as very jealous but i am i just dont like dwelling on it#trying to figure out if what makes me upset is other people not liking me or my own personal inadequacies#anyways if anyones reading this pretend they didnt i will be over this tomorrow i just#ugh 🥹🥹🥹#i wish i could wake up funnier#or smarter#maybe better at art#🙏 god bless#IVE FIGURED IT OUT#being in such a tight knit fandom reminds me of being in 8th grade again 🥹 not to tragic backstory everyone but like i had no friends#i think it kind of dredges up that kinda loneliness and insecurity in me#wow i should be a psychologist#anyways i still love fandom im not gonna stop it just. sigh. gets to me sometimes
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truly being a people's doormat is an unshakeable title
#i try to not use social media to vent my frustration a lot of time but it's incredible.#that even when you try to take up space#try to be present. people will walk around you as best they can#ignore you. scramble to talk over you. change thr topic you started#I try to believe it's not done maliciously. not done on purpose. that people enjoy my presence#but it does get harder every time. makes you feel isolated more and more. make you feel out of place#thirdwheeling an entire friend group and even in supposed shared projects it's impossible to interject#oh we like you/your characters#then why does it never feel as such. like it's preferred i shut up. don't talk. don't interject. voice my own opinion#it makes you feel insane it really does#it doesn't feel worth the energy to interact. to share my interests and characters. talking to a wall would make me feel better#at least with a wall i know it can't respond#truly thr last time i rlly felt part of a group was. 6 years ago#and then it was just a series of getting pushed out of places#or feeling like a zoo animal for people to stare at
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i need my brain rewritten bro
#i cannot keep existing in the way i do now#i mean i could but its awful. Not the worst version of me but still bad#i need a different personality i need a different way of thinking i need to stop being mentally ill#but there is literally nothing i can do about the way i am and i feel so helpless#i want to talk to people i want the motivation to reach out and take what i want and need#but my anxiety doesnt budge. my chronic fatigue doesnt budge. i just cant. and im so sick of being told i can#if i were to just try harder and put my mind to it#what i need is like. Someone else to permanently take over my brain for me#i cant fucking live the way i am#i need to be someone different#EVEN COMPARE TO EVERYONE ELSE. I AM A UNIQUE CASE OF AWFUL#no one else is fucking struggling to interact! or do like most things in their life!#i genuinely cant come close to living a normal or good life as i am now#i can even look the *direction* of other people. i go full silent on group calls.#i go full silent in text chats of people i dont know well and it prevents me from connecting entirely#i freeze up i get scared i retreat into my shell or give up cause who cares its not their job to coddle me#i literally. i should not exist#im not human and not even in a fun or quirky way. i am just fundamentally incompatible with like . life itself.#whats the point man. this isnt a life
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Anyone else watch tadc and thought C&A stood for computing and analytics? No? Just me? I’ll see myself out
#ngl I didn’t think Cain & Abel#I didn’t grow up affiliated with religion tbf#I did grow up with a computer analytics father tho#tadc#maybe the c stands for cybernetics or cyberspace#cyberspace#or it’s like a brand of a computer game company like EA#I caught the last supper reference but that’s because of art school#it’s probably Cain and Abel (Caine and Bubble as I’ve seen theorized)#I also thought Pomni was making that expression at the dinner table bc of what she saw in the void#especially with Caine’s line ‘they’ll get totally spoiled’#I guess most people understood it as Pomni finally grasping there’s no exit#I feel like Pomni’s just going to double down even harder#and she’ll probably ask Jax regarding the keys he has#Pomni tadc#Jax tadc#the amazing digital circus#I feel like episode 2 is going to reveal how Jax reacted to the inability to escape#and/or his interactions with the worm on a string character (I’m spitballing from that Gooseworx tumblr post)#or Jax and Pomni will search for an exit via his keys
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Did I just binge watch someone's reels on insta where he takes free photos of strangers (and strangers' dogs) for like an hour? yes.
Did doing this spark a crazy and nervewracking idea in my brain? yes.
Would deciding to do it mean actually doing studies/practice a very specific style of art? yes.
Much to think on
#pros: up social interactions. improve social skills. get over awkwardness of meeting new people. improve art skills#cons: have to do that awkward stage of 'fuck this is so weird and i dont know who to talk to or what to say'. have to do studies. and#school + internship + part time job makes it much harder to do things#idk i feel like itd be fun. but also. i feel like it's just the post-binge late-night urge#ill sit on it and maybe revisit the idea later this year#amber's shit you can ignore
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