#( * footsteps )

[nobeerreviews]

where all the died-away footsteps are lying like sunken leaves in a pond

-- Tomas Tranströmer

(Stockholm, Sweden)

[lionfloss]

by hypnotie_

[cinnamorwll]

hii girlies, it’s cinnamorwll!! first of all i want to apologize for my disappearing act lately, i’ve been deep in my winter arc (my entire existence has basically revolved around making vision boards for everything i want to achieve next year), one of those goals? getting really active on this blog! so this is officially my attempt to turn this space into a cozy and cute little online journal where i can share some little diary entries, and honestly, i trust you girlbloggers as my most loyal and trustworthy sisters!! we can spill the tea and keep each other’s secrets here, period.

so welcome to Footsteps! (it’s a temporary name—i’m indecisive, sue me—but i picked it cos it’s about the small things in life that can still leave a considerable impact) feel free to hit me up in the comments and i’ll be there chatting with youuu, oh and just a heads-up: these posts aren’t usually going to be THIS long i just have a LOT to say for this first one… this episode is called “Cinnamorwll’s 2024 Dating Wrapped”—spoiler alert: nothing happened! literally, it was just silly crushes but dw i’ve got some funny stories to share so grab a snack and stay with me <33

let’s start with S, because i’m still processing what happened but let’s rewind to the beginning… so, i met S last year when i switched schools, and from the moment i saw him i was completely charmed, maybe it’s because he looks exactly like 2000s Milo Ventimiglia (yes, Jess Mariano himself), but also because he’s genuinely a nice person… he’s a grade above me so i mostly just saw him passing but every single interaction we had made me a nervous wreck, and let me tell you, girl, these interactions were PAINFULLY awkward, like, i wanted to bury myself alive after each one! and at first i was determined not to like him because he’s the walking embodiment of a high school movie cliché: one of the most popular boys in school, everyone knows him, and he’s kind of a big deal, but by the middle of the year, it was already too late; he had fully claimed the title of my ultimate corridor crush… i even wrote a few poems about him, they’d just come to me randomly but i never showed anyone, obviously (those are confined in a secret vault for all eternity), then, at the beginning of this year, i had THE dream! we were in some blurry, hazy dreamlike place (very tumblr core aesthetic omg), and we bumped into each other, like, full-on collision! he made a joke and then he walked away… when i woke up i was so devastated that it was just a dream but i immediately wrote the whole thing down as a song because… what else was i supposed to do?

“We almost kissed, you laughed a little bit, and it made me a little less nervous, you told me a joke…”

i won’t share the whole thing YET but that was basically the first verse, anyway, life went on, i kept seeing him here and there, and every interaction was awkward beyond belief but then the CRAZIEST thing happened… picture this: it’s the last day of school (december 3rd to be exact) and u know how everyone’s in that chaotic “literally-no-one-cares-anymore” vibe? i was standing with my friends by the classroom door and apparently he was standing right next to me but i didn’t notice him! so when i turned around, we didn’t just bump into each other, we CRASHED! like, our faces touched! it was so quick but i let out this tiniest little scream because it startled me, and he just laughed then he hit me with the one-liner that’s going to haunt me for the next seven years: “I know you like this kind of stuff, but it won’t be me.”

my friends obviously laughed and i just stood there wanting to dig a hole and hide FOREVER… but here’s the thing, did you notice? what happened to me is exactly what i wrote in that song, like… WHAT??? i don’t know if you believe in the law of attraction, manifestation, or anything like that, i do—kind of, but i’ve never gone super deep into it or done techniques intentionally, but LOOK AT MY LYRICS! is it possible i manifested that interaction? i mean i dreamed about it, wrote a silly little song, sang it to myself occasionally, and then it actually happened! we bumped into each other, we laughed, and he made a joke, it’s INSANE!!

and no, i’m not making this up, i even have the receipts in the group chat with my besties because we dissected this whole thing later… the good news is he’s a senior so he’s off to college next year, and i’ll (hopefully) never see him again, which is perfect because i know the second i see him again, i’ll be charmed all over, and i DO NOT want that, two years of crushing were torturous enough, thank you very much!

let’s move on to K, shall we? omg where do i even start? okay, so yesterday, he made the first move and texted me, naturally i thought it was a safe zone, so we started chatting and i had no idea what to say so i hit him with “oh you like tyler the creator? taste!” and he was like, “omg yeah blah blah blah,” and i was like, “omg i love him too blah blah blah” (i have never listened to tyler the creator in my life) anyway, turns out K is not just a fan; he’s a full-on tyler the creator Spinjitzu master (his words, not mine), he even listened to all the unreleased stuff, probably knows the man’s grocery list too! i was like, wow, this dude is dedicated! we were vibing, or so i thought… but then idk what happened, one minute he was saying “hey, stay, i still want to talk to you” and the next he’s GHOSTING ME??? … it’s been a whole day now so maybe i’m being dramatic (shocking, i know) but still… WHAT???

honestly, maybe this is my karma, i mean, i’ve ghosted people before but only because i’m a chronic over-thinker, like, i’ll convince myself i’m annoying them or tiring them, it’s something i’m working on, i swear!! social interactions (even online) just freak me out sometimes, but i do LOVE talking to my online besties, but sometimes i feel like i’m the worst at conversations… but i always come back to reply eventually, even if it’s just to apologize for taking forever… but K? oh, no, he straight-up disappeared… oh, wait—scratch that! i just remembered that he’s been posting stuff, so he definitely saw my message, maybe he’s just busy? idk we’ll see

to be fair, i was already cautious about him because he’s blonde, and let’s be honest, blonde boys are always trouble, but this one had glasses, so i thought he’d be different

finally, i’ve gotta give an honorable mention to C! and chat, he is so, so, SO cute!! we’re basically the same person, but in different fonts, you know? we have the same taste in music, the same tiktok reposts, the same interests… it’s kind of spooky! but i’m way too nervous to talk to him… we’ve had a few interactions, and i know for a fact that he’s really nice, but i’ll let you know if i ever actually talk to him… right now, i’m just hoping the universe will throw us together somehow, anyway, i really wish the best for him and everything, and maybe next year i’ll work up to the courage to at least be friends with him, fingers crossed!

final thoughts? i’m an emotional mess who ruminates over everything i can’t control, but hey, at least it gave me some solid content to write about… and next time i do this, i really hope i’ll have something more exciting to report, like “i have a boyfriend!” or whatever, but we’ll see what next year has in store for us

guess that’s it… this is probably gonna flop so bad but i’m posting it anyway because i need to get it off my chest (and definitely out of my notes app). i hope you liked it, i didn’t! oh and i almost forgot, happy belated christmas!! i hope you all had an amazing time!! i love each and every one of you sooooo much <33

(footstep: stalking his following list won’t do you any good btw 😭)

[dk-thrive]

make small steps... small steps, like prayers — each one a hope exhaled... please, let me enter. please let me leave whole... what else can i call the crown of light atop the leaves? what else can i call my footsteps forward, small, small sure?

— Ashley M. Jones, from "Lullaby for the Grieving" in "You Are Here: Poetry in the Natural World, edited by Ada Limon (Milkweed Editions, 2024) (via Read a Little Poetry)

[gennsoup]

Far away, behind his footsteps wolves bite moonbeams Far away, ahead of his footsteps stars light up the treetops Close to him blood flows from the veins of stones

Mahmoud Darwish, I am only him

[samorsammy]

Winter upon me.

[thepersonalwords]

And we will keep searching for our footsteps in the sands of time...

Avijeet Das

[quotelr]

May you walk on sacred-path.

Lailah Gifty Akita, Think Great: Be Great!

[blondebrainpowered]

Snow Steps, ca. 1994

Photographer: Yasuhiro Ishimoto

[jason-1971]

Foot steps to where?

[auntieblues]

“Are we immortal?" he paused in his exploration of her skin.

Mischief shone in her eyes. "Want me to shoot you and find out?” ― A.W. Exley, Nefertiti's Heart

original auntieblues

[lionfloss]

Footprints of adult and cub coastal grizzly bears in Lake Clark National Park, Alaska

[dudja]

When you want to follow in your father’s footsteps: #comedy #funny #bartsimpson #homersimpson #memes

[whats-in-a-sentence]

Then once more the footsteps approached and a shadow fell across the opening of the hut.

"The Illustrated Sherlock Holmes Treasury" - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

[cindycybergalau]

Follow me.....

[surelookbutnothingtoseehere]