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kindnessisweakness2 · 4 years ago

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Delusional - Part 9!

When Delaney woke up she didn't recognize anything around her. One thing she did know is she felt like she had been hit by a truck. Looking around her, the dimly lit room was empty apart from a shabby wooden table a few feet infront of her with a camera tripod placed in the centre. Looking down at the uncomfortable chair she was sat in she silently thanked god she was still in her shorts and Jax’s T-shirt she wore yesterday. As her head pounded painfully she tried to think back to yesterday and how the hell she ended up here. She couldnt remember anything after crying in the bathroom as Jax left. Jax. Oh God. He was probably hauled up with Tara making up for lost time. he probably didnt even know she was gone. Tears welled in her eyes as she realised no one was looking for her. No one knew she was gone. Before she could let herself panic too much the heavy steel door to the right of the room was slammed open. Out walked Kevin and Delaneys stomach dropped heavily. Yes Kevin was weird but he couldnt be the matermind behind this. NO. Delaney was 100% sure there was something else to this. She didnt have to wait long to get her answer either. A few minutes later Alex followed Kevin into the cold room with a video camera held tightly in his hands. Delaney Knew she was right. Her Jaw fell slack as she made eye contact with the man that ruined her life and nearly killed her. The man she was convinced for years she loved deeply. “Hey Babe, Did you miss me?” Alex smirked at the shock that was still clear on he face. “What? W-why? H-how?” Delaney could barley speak never mind stutter the small questions she do desperately wanted answers to. “Oh sweetie ill explain everything dont you worry. But first things first-” Alex raised his finger dramatically and turned to the video camera that now sat firmly on the tripod. Pressing the ON button and connecting a cable it beeped to life. “ I dont think your little Biker Bitch will want to miss out on this.” Before Delaney could say anything a chain was tightly hooked to the handcuffs around her wrists and yanked upwards. In seconds she was hung from the ceiling with her arms suspended above her head. Gasping in pain she clenched her eyes shut tightly. Her shoulders were on fire immediately and her toes barley brushed the damp floor. Glaring at Alex as he came to stand Beside her Delaney scoffed. “So whats the plan? Kill me? Send the video to the club? You know they’ll kill you right? You kill me and Jax will come for your head.” Alex burst out laughing and shook his head. “Oh Baby girl, you’ve grown some balls since you were mine.” Grabbing her face tightly he yanked her forward on the chain so she was closer to the camera. “This is being streamed to the Clubhouse as we speak. Kevin here managed to change the connection at the last beer delivery and you didnt even notice.” Tutting at her sarcastically Alex let go of her face and smiled at her. “Kevin here is a sucker for a pretty face. He fell for you pretty quickly. I find it quite rude you weren’t particularly nice about the gifts he left for you. The notes were me ofcourse. Poor Kevin here doesnt have the same artistic flare as me.” Alex’s smile was sinister as he turned from Delaney to take a Knife from Kevin. Delaney’s stomach turned as he made his way back towards her and grabbed her neck tightly so she couldnt flinch away. The grin on his face made Delaney feel sick as he cut the navy blue SAMCRO T-shirt from her body. She could only hope that whatever it was he had planned for her, he would kill her quick.

The slamming of the clubhouse door hinted at Jax’s arrival. Half sack had called him to explain what showed up on the bar TV and within minutes every club member and Gemma was crowded around the large screen. Jax’s heart broke as his eyes locked on Delaney’s fearful ones. She was hung from the ceiling in nothing but a black lace bra and black cycle shorts. “So this is what you’ve been planning for the year we’ve been seperated? Finding me a stalker and planning your revenge?” Delaney spat angrily. Kevin stood in the corner just staring ad her as she was suspended half naked in the dirty room and it made her want to vomit. Jax turned up the volume on the TV just as Alex came into view. Looking at his mother Jax’s eyes were on fire with anger. “I thought you said he left her and moved back to England?” Gemma glared at her son. “ And i thought you were meant to be protecting her? You left her and the bastard swooped in and took her! I’m not the only one with some explaining to do am i?!” Jax shook his head and turned back to the screen. Now was not the time to argue with his impossible mother. He needed to focus on finding Delaney. He focused his attention back on the screen just in time to see Alex put the Knife to her neck. “You were mine. You really think i was going to let you go that easy? We would still be together if it wasnt for Jaxon Teller. You didnt care about me anymore once you met him.” Alex Gripped Delaney by the Hair and pulled her head back exposing her neck more. “You’re wrong! About everything.” Gasping in pain as strands of her hair were pulled out by the roots Delaney had to argue. She couldnt let him blame everything on Jax. “You’re just upset you lost your fucking punchbag! You beat me almost every day i was with you for nothing. The day i got that Job at Teller-Morrow was the day i got part of my life back. I wasnt just your housewife anymore. I had my own money and i was saving up to leave you.” Alex stepped away from Delaney his face crimson red with anger, But with tears streaming down her face she continued to tell him the truth. Her Truth. He needed to know just how much of a monster he was. “Then i came home late from a club party late, they’d asked me to work the bar, do you remember? How you accused me of sleeping with every member? How you told me the only thing i was good for was being passed around? That no one would ever want me?! Do you remember Alex? How you beat me so bad my eyes were swollen shut for days. How i was unconscious on our kitchen floor for 2 days. How you stomped on my chest the next morning and broke 4 of my ribs because i physically couldnt get up and make you breakfast! How you made me clean ourhouse on my hands and knees because i was in too weak, in too much pain to stand!” Alex scoffed as Delaney sobbed. “You fucking deserved it! You were sleeping with Teller behind my back! you just wanted to get rid of me so you could be with him. you never paid me any attention and hung around him like a desperate whore. You think i dont remember those times i came to pick you up from work to see you flirting with him right infront of my face. Laughing and Giggling like a teenage school girl! You were practically begging for him!”

Grabbing hold of the chain Delaney was tied to he spun her around. Delaney knew what was coming next and couldnt help but squeeze her eyes shut in fear. “You didn't waste any time did you you bitch? you got his crow tattooed across your shoulders. Isn’t that how that sordid little club marks women as theirs?” Delaney stayed silent and hung her head as she felt Alex press the knife into the middle of her back where Jax’s initals sat underneath the black crow in flight that stretched across her upper back and shoulders. “Its not like that.” Delaney muttered as tears welled in her eyes. “Oh did he mark you as his then threw you away like the cheap little bitch you always have been? Poor Delaney, no one ever wanted you so you throw yourself at the first man that looks your way.” More tears fell from her eyes as she Shook her head, “You know NOTHING about him. He’s more of a man than you’ll EVER be. He’s a good person, Hes loyal and he would do anything for family. You? Youre a fucking coward.” Alex’s face was like thunder. Pulling the chain hard making her yelp in pain as she was quickly turned to face him he punched her in the face making her swing backwards. Feeling the blood run down her lips Delaney grinned as she met Alex’s brown eyes. “Point proven! You’ll put your hands on a woman but you’d never hit a man. As a Great friend of mine would say you’re a Slimy Wee Bastard.” Her heart clenched painfully as she thought of Chibs he was like a father to her and she wouldnt even get to say goodbye.

Back at the Club house the other members of SAMCRO couldnt hide their shock at the revelation that Delaney had Jax’s Crow. “You marked her?” Clay nearly exploded. “You marked her as shes not even your old lady?!” Gemma didnt even jumped to her sons defence as Clay shoved Jax hard. “Its not like that. It just happened!” Jax didnt bother trying to explain. There was so much more they didnt know about his and Delaneys relationship. “But what if she wants to be with another guy? Maybe another member?” Jax lunged for the prospect at the thought of his girl being with someone else. “O-or E-even a-another guy. J-just a normal regular guy?” Juice smacked Half sack around the head for his stupidity as Opie pulled Jax back from ripping the prospect apart. “Can we please focus on trying to find her? Every minute she’s with that psycho is another minute we are closer to him Killing her.” Gemma refocused everyones attention back on the screen trying to find anything that looked familiar in the room. The needed to work out where this Idiot would take her. Jax mentally made one promise as he watched Delaneys terrified eyes. Once he had her safe in his arms. There was no way he was ever letting her go.

#sons of anarchy #Jax Teller #jax teller x reader #soa imagine #soa fanfiction

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heyitsyn · 4 years ago

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,,,,OK Kurat

Soulmate!Bokuto

a/n: when bokuto refuses to fix his roots and let the gray dye grow out and it slightly irritates you

colorblind soulmate where you lose your colors and only gain them back when your other half starts to have feelings for you

requests are open!!

so, leggo?

ever since you turned 16, you’ve literally gone colorblind

like you were perfectly happy seeing the colors of the world

from daichi’s red sweater

to hinata’s orange hair

you were ROBBED of the colors of the world

when you woke up that morning, you knew you would get your soulmate sign soon and you were sure it would happen while you were in class as it would start the exact time you were born 16 years ago

so there you were, happily eating with nishi and tanaka at the roof

‘hey, y/n-chan, look at this manga i found!’

you look up at noya and you almost choked on your rice ball when you couldn’t see his blonde streak anymore

it was like the moment you blinked, it was gone

he must’ve noticed your surprised look because noya touched the front floof since you were staring right at it

tanaka had his mouth opened and patted your back when you coughed

‘ah, it happened now?’

then you just start bawling

‘i cANt sEE yOuR hAiR anYmoRE!! aNd hiNATa’s hAiR! aND tHE oRANgE uniFOrMS!’

they understand it was a touchy subject for you since you were expecting something cute like noya’s thought sharing sign or tanaka’s taste sharing sign

but NO!!!

‘it’s okay y/n-chan. you’ll meet them soon and you’ll get your colors back’

from then on, all you’ve done is research all you can about soulmate signs and how they worked

yours happens to be a rarer one and you groaned bc of course it would happen to YOU

it states that usually, the moment you lock eyes with your soulmate, you’d get your lost sense back

but you wouldnt know when it would exactly happen and be like your uncle who is nearly 40 and still cant smell anything

whats worse, there were even cases where you wouldnt get them back in one sight but gain them when they start to have romantic feelings for you

you really do hope you’d get the easier

being a part-time manager, you often helped the vbc if you were free from your other clubs so you sometimes help kiyoko with the kids

entering the gym, you frowned when you saw hinata and the gray tone of his hair

everything was gray but colors that are light like yellow or bright orange, were lighter gray while darker ones were dark gray or black

seems like tanaka and noya told the team what happened because daichi went up to you and ruffled your hair before saying it’ll be okay

‘give it time! you will find them!’

yacchi, a manager-in-training, enthusiastically told you about her ideas for the poster and gave you her rough draft, explaining the little details

but you were out of it as you just roamed your eyes over the gray-colored paper

thus causing her to freak out

‘OH MY GOD! I”M SO SORRY Y/N-SAN! I FORGOT ABOUT IT!! I’M SO SORRY!’

(yacchi is just a little precious bun, please protec her :’))

but you ruffled her hair and put on a smile

‘don’t sweat it, yacchi’

after that whole thing about announcement of the tokyo training camp and the hinata/kageyama idiot squad

you guys were in the bus, getting ready for Tokyo

it’s also been weeks since you lost it so you were still new but you were starting to get used to it

ofc you still had mistakes like their different colored practice jerseys and who was in what team or wearing different colored socks

but you were slowly adapting

it was a few hours of a drive so everyone was static to get out of the cramp bus and use the bathroom and stretch their legs

you took your time and put the others trash into a plastic bag bc youre just a great manager like that

getting out of the bus, you heard a horrendous and terrifying laugh and saw the nekoma captain hunching over in laughter

‘my god. at least his face makes up for it’

you got a text from hinata and kageyama saying that they were going to take their exams now and you sent them a little encouraging blurb

the guy from nekoma with the mohawk gawked at the 3 managers and you remembered him having that blonde hair dye

when you and the rest entered their gym, all you saw were balls flying everywhere and lots of people

your eyes scanned for at least someone to make eye contact with you because this gym has a lot of people in it and there could be a possibility they were in here

like 0.000003% probably but still a chance

from the managers to the players, not one reactivated the colors

‘hm,,, i think my soulmate is in here’

noya’s little comment made you glare at him in envy and he grinned with a peace sign

you noticed that boy kenma with his haircut and there was someone sitting near him that made you turn to the others

‘okay, either i just have terrible memory but is that a new guy?’

suga wondered the same thing and you flinched at the kid’s harsh stare at you all

there was a light gray tone to his hair and eyes so you were curious what color they were

‘his legs look a little long. i think he’s taller than most of these guys’

asahi said which made you give him a look

‘listen, as long as we got tsukki-kun, we’re okay’

the first match was against some powerhouse called fukurodani and they had a few interesting players

by interesting, you meant looks wise

that one guy looked freaking pretty with his sharp eyes while the other guy, who you assumed to be the captain, had round eyes and spiked hair

you were pretty sure that he had different colored hair due to the mix of black and light tones

AND THE WAY IT WAS STYLED THO

its like he got electrocuted and his hair just stayed the same

you were too busy looking at the 2 teams that you completely missed karasuno’s defeat and just saw them doing flying receives

the others gathered to the side and the next game was against fukurodani and nekoma

from hearing the names being said, that pretty guy was akashi or aggghasshi and the owl looking dude was bokuto-san or bokutosang or something bokuto bc youre not exactly sure

and then he be flying

‘he REALLY flying!’

you exclaim and tbh what can you expect from being one of the top 5 aces in the country

then the ball straight flew towards your own player and you and yamagucci screamed for his name

everyone flinched when the ball hit his hand and you ran over to check

‘ouch’

you hear that loud voice of his on top of kei’s hiss and you growled

‘HEY HEY HEY’

he didnt even apologize and if it wasnt for tanaka and daichi holding you back, you were about to scream into the guys ear for damaging your player’s hand since he needed it to block properly

‘LET ME GO! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS INJUR-’

suga smiled and raised a hand apologetically your shouts caught the attention of others

the more games karasuno played, the more they lost

you went to fill up their water bottles and was mumbling to yourself, blaming that freak haired guy for tsukki’s pained blocks

‘didnt even apologize. how dare he hurt my boy’

bokuto was going for a drink when he heard your mumbles by the water fountain

he noticed you as the karasuno manager and poked you in the shoulder

‘ah! youre the manager!’

cue you looking to glare at him since you could recognize that voice anywhere

‘and you are?’

taken aback with your tone, he grinned

‘bokuto. bokuto koutarou’

‘ah’

then you went back to filling up the bottles

he fiddled with his towel before poking you again

‘um,,, i want to apologize for earlier. sorry about that spike’

you stopped and you nodded

‘i appreciate the apology, bokuto-san. but you should say it to him’

bo guessed that you were kinda their mother hen and you looked after the players of your team

‘are you,,, a third year?’

closing the lid of the last bottle, you placed it on the basket

‘second’

his eyes widened before shouting

‘im your senpai!’

you jumped at the sudden volume of his voice and awkwardly smiled

‘ah. okay, bokuto-san’

his eyes widened before patting your shoulder gently

‘drop the -san! i prefer being called senpai!’

does this guy have a senpai kink or something

but there was probably nothing wrong with calling him senpai right?

‘okay, bokuto-senpai’

you were lowkey kinda iffy since you dont really call anyone senpai, everyone was -san to you

bo laughed loudly and ruffled your hair

‘WAH!!!!!! MY LITTLE KOUHAI!!!’

‘bokuto-san!’

your head looked up and you saw the pretty guy walking towards you

he bowed in front of you in both greeting and apology

‘sorry about him. he gets a little excited sometimes. im akaashi keiji by the way’

you waved it off and smiled gently

‘nice to meet you, akaashi-san. and dont worry, i have two people like him in my team’

hinata and noya

‘come on. the next game is about to start’

he tugged bokuto’s arm and bo waved at you before walking away

‘see ya!’

but stopped

‘ah! i didnt get your name!’

‘y/n. l/n y/n’

‘see ya later y/n!’

when you came back, the boys were still doing flying and you glanced at your watch, knowing that your boys should be coming soon

you and yacchi were visibly listening to the other players talking about your team and kiyoko gave you both a look to settle down

‘hold it in, girls’

the sea of different tones of gray were currently making you dizzy with so many things happening at ones and you completely missed the door opening, revealing tanaka’s sister

noya’s excited shout made you turn and you waved excitedly

you’ve met her once when you went over to help tutor her poor brother and noya who practically lives at their house

everyone stopped what they were doing and saw the two boys huffing by the door

you heard kuroo’s comment but you were too excited to see them come back in one piece

‘ah, so those are the legendary first years’

hm, if only you knew why they were late

bo saw you with wide eyes and excitedly bouncing at the sidelines as karasuno started to play

‘what are you looking at bokuto-san?’

akaashi asked

bo thought you were interesting the moment he heard you angrily mumble about him and he thought your pouting face was cute

‘i wonder what her soulmate mark is’

akaashi knew about his soulmate sign since he received a very frantic phone call that sunday afternoon of bokuto not being able to see the color of his apple anymore

‘she probably doesnt have it yet’

akaashi’s answer made his brows furrow

‘she’s a second year so shes probably 16 already’

‘why would it matter to you anyways?’

yea, why did it matter?

‘just general curiosity. shes quite fiesty. i like her. i want to be friends’

akaashi sighs and pats his back

‘i support you, bokuto-san’

shoot this might as well be a bokuaka

he saw you run to the two first years and took their bags for them, ruffling their hair each

even though you’re only like a some months older than hinata, you still treat him like a babie

‘coach left some buns from earlier so you can eat that before you play. oh! i also got you your milk, kags!’

bo literally could feel your happiness radiating and he saw your eyes

too bad he couldn’t see the color of them

although the boys team was finally complete, they still lost quite a lot of sets

and they were trying so hard and you were just cheering on the sidelines w yacchi and kiyoko

you kept running back and forth from the drinking fountain since the boys kept drinking so much water

and bo just finds you there again

for the second time today

‘oh? back again, y/n-chan?’

you could recognized that gruffy voice anywhere

you turned and gave him a tight smile

‘ah. hello bokuto-san’

he pouted and nudged you with a finger to your shoulder

‘senpai! call me senpai!’

you were pretty sure he was 18 yet he still threw a tantrum

what kinda-

‘okay okay. sorry, bokuto-senpai’

then like a switch his pouts became grins and you got dizzy with the sudden mood switch

‘youre such a diligent manager, y/n-chan. you should transfer to our school and be one of ours instead!’

then you remember meeting the 2 managers they had

‘ah, you already have 2 so i think you’re covered’

bo whined at that

‘but karasuno also has 2 without you!’

tbh you shouldve been uncomfortable in this situation bc here you have a grown man whining

but you found his pout endearing and his eyes were loony-looking

‘not to hurt your feelings, bokuto-senpai, but we just met and i don’t know you all that well’

‘then you know the solution to that, don’t you?’

you just stared at him

‘lets get to know each other! lets be friends! lets be close!’

you couldnt say anything else since you were kinda in a pickle here so you just nodded

‘um, okay’

‘bokuto-san!’

that voice made you perk up and you raised a hand

‘akaashi-san!’

bo saw your smile and he pouted, jealous that you didnt give that smile when you saw him

‘ah, l/n-san.’

you looked at bo and his eyes grew even bigger and you resisted the urge to pinch his cheeks with how they puffed out with his pout

woah wait huh

why did you just think of that

akaashi had to bring back bo to the gym for their match but bo refused to walk

‘no! not until y/n-chan wants to be my friend!’

what are you

but you nodded, placing a hand around his bicep

you froze, trying to contain the shock of how S T R O N G they felt

ohmygad

‘l-lets get to know each other later, bokuto-sa-senpai’

you hurriedly corrected yourself and breathed a sigh of relief when he didnt notice

a big smile got to his face and he pointed at you

‘ill win this for you y/n-chan!’

you sweatdropped bc wow this manz is winning a game for you

no-for your friendship

he excitedly ran back down the hallway and disappeared with a faint ‘hey hey hey!’

you and akaashi shared a look and he apologized

‘im sorry if he made you uncomfortable’

‘nah nah, its okay’

‘and thanks for uplifting him. he was in a mood when he left bc we lost a set but now he’s energized thanks to you’

a,,, mood?

‘is he,,, i dont know,,,, bipolar?’

akaashi stood for a second before shrugging

‘i guess you could say that. the team tries to uplift him bc if hes in a mood he messes up’

a sound of recognition left your lips before you nodded

‘ah okay’

‘well, i guess im seeing you later then, l/n-san?’

‘oh, please. call me y/n. we’re the same age!’

but he gave you a mysterious smile

‘i dont think bokuto-san would like that’

so the remaining of the time there, bo was practically stuck to you as he followed you everywhere

babie calls it ‘friendship bonding’

when yall were leaving, he was pouting so hard and you gave in to your urges

;)

you pinched his cheeks

‘until next time, bo-senpai’

blew a fuse right then and there

bO-sENPai

yall remained in contact and you even went up to visit him and just hang out

you were lowkey catching feelings

like when he sent you that mirror picture of him and kuroo being sassy in a department store and your heart started beating really really fast

then your palms started sweating as you remembered the feeling of his warm hands on yours when he led you through the busy sidewalk of tokyo

‘siri, am i having a stroke?’

but you were like ‘nuh-uh, must remain pure for my soulmate’

however

if you have those feelings already and it’s towards your soulmate, that gave bo his sight of colors

just sitting there w his team eating yakisoba bun then he looked at akaashi and saw his friend’s blue eyes again

can you tell im a bokuaka simp

in another life flashbacks

n e ways

he was so happy and ecstatic and was about to call you but akaashi was like, ‘wait, i think she might be your soulmate’

the entire team was just like, ‘what’

and bo just sitting there, ‘omg what if’

akaashi,

grandmaster plan creator

tells bokuto to hold off from telling you until the next time yall see each other which is in the training camp

for story’s sake, training camp finally rolls around

you cannot stop squirming in your seat bc ya finally get to see bo again after so long

kuroo greets yall at the front and hes familiar w you since you hung out w the tokyo squad

‘you have a surprise little chibi’

you were just like, ‘,,,,ok kurat’

meanwhi;e,,

bo was so antsy and he was just like, ‘yey! i get to see her again!’

ngl, bo thought you were really pretty and cute and he thinks he has a crush on you but not like head-over-heels like you were

literally cannot stand still and the team was tired of having to keep him from running so akaashi just let him go

‘but dont run her over, bokuto-san’

he sonic bolts over

nYOOM

he finally sees that tangerine hinata and was searching for your hair color and when he sees you laughing at kuroo’s face, his eyes widened

his heart beat started beating really really fast and everything in his brain and all the words he wanted to say died down

he never really saw your face with colors but he just stares in awe at your beautiful skin color, breathtaking eyes, silky hair, and those plump lips

sweat started to gather at his palms and his feet started moving on its own until he just scoops you in his arms, lifting you off the ground in the process

w you, there was a silence

‘your eyes,,,,, theyre beautiful’

bo just grins at the crack of your voice and tears just wells up in your eyes w a smile

‘bo!’

you shouted and you wrapped your legs around his waist while he burrows his head in your neck

‘you’re so beautiful. oh my god, you’re so beautiful’

omg what i would do for bo to say that to me

obvs, the others knew what was happening

dai and suga were already planning on the talk

kuroo just recording the whole thing

‘im falling in love with you. i want to fall in love with you over and over again until i die. i want to feel like this forever. can i?’

just forgets about everyone and being in your own bubble and your own world as bokuto just professes his love for you

‘stupid question, koutaro!’

you giggled and he finally allowed you to stand on your own two feet

‘let me love you for eternity’

cue waterworks from noya and tanaka and konoha

‘but baby, we need to touch up your roots, though.’

‘we got forever, soulmate’

sorry if this was trash

#bokuto x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu bokuto x reader #haikyuu bokuto koutaro x reader #bokuto koutaro x reader #bokuto headcanons #bokutou x reader #bokuto soulmate #haikyuu soulmate #haikyuu fluff #bokuto koutaro #fukurodani #bokuto imagines #haikyuu imagines #bokuto scenarios #haikyuu scenarios

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bridgyrose · 3 years ago

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Ruby laid down on her bed in the dorm, thinking over everything Salem had told her. There was still a part of her that was against trying to manipulate her team and all this stuff about not trusting her team, but on the other hand…

Ruby’s gaze shifted to Weiss, watching her silently study. Her partner mostly kept to herself now, still showing a bit of dislike towards Ruby and the other teammates. Even if she was… better than what she was at the start of the year, with only being 3 weeks into the semester, it still didnt feel like a lot of progress had been made.

“She knows she cant do this without you,” echoed Salem’s voice in her mind. “There’s a reason she hasnt left yet. To her, everyone can be used and you’re no exception. You still haven’t proved to her what you can do.”

Ruby rolled over in her bed, pulling a pillow over her head and speaking into it, muffling her voice. “Just let me be. I dont want to hear it from you.”

“But you know I’m right. She’d leave if she could-”

“I said that’s enough!”

Weiss let out a sigh, dropping her pen on her desk. “Ruby, why are you yelling?”

Ruby hesitated for a moment, trying to collect herself a bit. “I ummm… it’s… nothing.”

Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. “Why dont we go for a walk around Vale? We can take the team with us and maybe a bit of fresh air and… bonding will do us a bit of good.”

Ruby narrowed her eyes at Weiss, unsure of how to take this. Weiss never offered to go to town with anyone, much less her own teammates, always going on about how much better Atlas is than Vale every chance she had. “Why?”

“Because if we’re all going to be on a team, we… I… need to get along with you all better.” Every word out of Weiss’s mouth sounded like it was being forced out of her. She then slowly looked away from Ruby, her words starting to sound a bit more genuine. “I… I know I’m not the easiest to be around. And I dont exactly have any excuses for my behavior. And after a few talks with Ozpin and a couple other professors, I admit, I’ve been a bit… selfish and rude.”

Ruby blinked a couple times, still processing what she still didnt believe was an apology coming from Weiss. “So… you’re… apologizing?”

“I wouldnt go that far, but I am admitting I’m at fault for some of the issues we seem to be facing as a team.”

“Dont listen to her, she’s just trying to get inside of your head,” Salem’s voice whispered. “You know she’d never actually admit a fault.”

Ruby slowly nodded, laying down again. “So… what exactly do you get out of this then?”

Now was Weiss’s turn to be confused. “I’m… not sure I understand.”

“You’ve argued with all of us since classes started, tried to get me away from being the team leader… what exactly are you going to get out going on a “bonding trip” with us?”

“I… I’m not sure there is much I will get out of it other than maybe understanding you all more.” Weiss took a deep breath to keep herself calm, her left hand gripping her right arm to keep herself from shaking. “The only other benefit would be to maybe find out more about any of the visiting students as they arrive, But beyond that… I… I really do want to get to know you and the others. Maybe we can all stop for coffee and tea too.”

Ruby hesitated for a moment, still hearing Salem’s voice advising against agreeing to this. “If you can convince Yang and Blake to go, I dont see a reason why not.”

Weiss nodded and started heading out of the dorm to find the rest of her teammates.

Salem groaned a bit, rolling her eyes if she still had any. “You’re actually agreeing to play her game?”

“You said it yourself: if I want to survive, I’ll need to play her at her own games. Manipulate her as she manipulated me.” Ruby started moving herself out of bed to get ready to go to town. “Besides, something about the way she said it sounded like she was willing to change. And as much as I shouldn’t trust her, I’m not willing to write her off just yet.”

“And if she uses this as an opportunity to hurt you?”

Ruby shrugged, pausing for a moment as she caught her reflection in the mirror. Her skin seemed paler than normal along her hands and arms. Her reflection slowly changed to show Salem in front of her, clearly not amused with the younger girl. “If she does, then I’ll figure something out. Besides, why do you care? Wont you just find someone else as a host when I die?”

“Do not say that lightly.” Salem frowned from the reflection. “This curse of mine might be easy for you to not understand what I go through, but while you’re my host, your body is just as much mine as yours. Think of our relationship as symbiotic now: you provide me a body for my soul to rest, and I make sure no harm comes your way until it is your time. Just because I can move from host to host, doesnt mean I do not lose a part of me each time I do it. And I do not get to choose who I end up in, the gods have already determined that for me.”

Ruby started grabbing a pair of gloves and put them on, hiding her hands. “I didnt mean to imply it was easy, just… not expecting you to be concerned about your host.”

“I pray you never have to endure this curse yourself, but moving from host to host is not as pleasant as one would think. Besides, I’m growing rather amused with you. I want to see where you end up and how that fares with my plans.”

“And what exactly amuses you about me?”

“For one, you still see the good in anyone no matter how they treat you or others. But there’s also the way that you repress all of your feelings. You still hurt for your mother, blaming her for leaving you even though you didnt exactly know her. And then there’s the resentment for your father and sister who dont quite understand you-”

“Okay, that’s enough,” replied Ruby, grabbing her cloak and a water bottle. “But while we’re out in Vale, I need you to be quiet. I want to make my own judgement on Weiss without your input.”

“Then my lips are sealed.”

#rwby #ruby rose #rwby ruby rose #weiss schnee #salem #rwby salem #salem's vessel #salem's vessel au

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adowbaldwin · 3 years ago

Text

Baldwins secret - part 30

"Oh my God" Diana marvelled, reaching out to touch the painting. She lightly trailed her finger over it "its beautiful"

"Calling yourself beautiful is abit egotistical Diana" Baldwin narrowly missed the punch to his gut "joke, it was a joke"

"Demetria did this? She was only small when i left" she thought alot about those from Rome she missed and seeing this painting now made her feel guilty for leaving "I miss Rome, do you?"

Baldwin contemplated but it was an easy answer "No"

She turned to him, just as confused as Jack "no?"

"I dont miss the stench of a bath house, the hypocrisy of the Senate, Anthonys unpaid debts - none of Rome. I miss my family, but not the time" he cleared his throat "you want this sent to France or the States?"

"To Jacks studio, in New York. It can be the first bit to go up" she gripped his hand "only if you want it?"

"Sure there is nothing id love more then to stare at a six foot pop art painting of just your face" he retorted sarcastically

Baldwin chuckled "maybe you should have one of Matthew too, a complete pair"

Unfortunately for them both, or rightly deserved for the attitude, they did not escape Dianas double back hand to both of their stomachs.

"Watch your lip, next time it will be harder" she jokingly warned

"Diana you barely broke through my suit" Baldwin lied, God she could fucking punch "dont you think the house is rather quiet?" He noticed the shared glances "what?" He askes suspiciously. He had suspected something was wrong when Jack insisted on showing her the painting early, or when Matthew had insisted on 'brotherly bonding' and when Diana had forced him to help change make the twins lunch.

They had been keeping him busy all day, and now he was concerned "tell me whats going on, now" The last time he was in the dark Diana and Matthew took a trip to 1590.

"BALDWWIINN" Penelope burst through the door charging for Baldwin "UP UP"

He span on his heels completely confused until he saw her making moves toward him like a stampead. He lifted her off the ground, lightly flinging her in the air "the little terror" he kissed her on the cheek "what are you doing here?" The question was more for her mother who was in the doorway, surrounded by his skulking daughters

"Boudicca came to Nanna Ro's house and baked cookies" she squealed "And then i played eye spy for two whole hours in the car with Fabiana and Keiko" she rambled on "And Flo said i can call her sissy but not yet"

He gave them all that spine chilling look and like rats they scurried away. "So you met my daughters?"

"Ah huh and mummy said we can go the Swan Lake now can we can we?" He could hear her little heart thudding

"You missy have had too much sugar" he booped her nose "you know you need to be careful, youll loose all those pretty teeth"

She pouted "i woooont it was only two cookies"

"Only two?" He gave her a knowing look

"Plus seven BUT I PROMISE i saved some for Diana" she gave him a toothy smile, pulling her gums open with her fingers "amd i brush teef"

"Tell you what, why dont you go with Jack to find Augusta" he placed her on the floor "go on, ill come find you in a moment alright?"

She laced her tiny little fingers through Jacks and happily followed him "HI DIANA BYE DIANA" she yelled back as she left, sneaking another cookie out of her pocket

"So, who flirted with who first?" Diana broke the awkward silence, folding her arms over her chest "and why did you two idiots think it was okay to hide it from me?"

"He did"

"She did" they said at the same time

They both scoffed, arms crossed and ready for an unnecessary argument

"ME?" Sienna wailed "YOU stuck it on ME at Sarahs Christmas party!"

"ONLY because YOU were desperate for it i mean come on Sienna you stuffed your fuckin underwear in my pocket"

"AFTER YOU FINGERED ME IN THE BATHROOM" She yelled. She would not be blamed for this. She didnt loose.

"OH MY GOD STOP" Diana bellowed "BOTH OF YOU" she came to stand between them "okay first of all gross, second of all im not angry that you are doing whatever it is you two are doing. Im mad because you hid it from me"

"So if we had told you, you wouldnt of kicked me out of your class? We would still be friends?" Sienna dropped her arms, fidling with the hem of her dress

"It would have been wierd sure, but i want you both to be happy. Despite Baldwin being a giant asshat 98% of his life, he deserves it. So do you" Diana pulled her in for a hug "love you bestie"

"Love you too Di" she pulled free focousing her attention back on Baldwin "we still need to talk though, and not with your entire family and my daughter eavesdropping"

"I am not partaking, i dropped an earring. Ysabeau is helping me find it" Sarah called through the closed door "oh there it is!"

Baldwin groaned "this house is too big for it to be this crowded" he glared at Diana "shouldnt you all be making arrangements for the Christening at Sept Tours"

Ysabeaus ears shot up, a wicked plan already convoluted.

#adow #a discovery of witches #fic #baldwin montclair #diana bishop #baldwins secret

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alixanonymous · 4 years ago

Text

How A Demon Commissions An Angel ~ A Daminette FanFic ~ Chapter 2: A Search For Continuance

From the phone of Damian Wayne:

Chat Name: Father

Father: Have you come up with any ideas for Christmas?

Me: Yes, Father. I assure you I will not disappoint you.

Father: Damian, this isn’t a mission.

Chat Name: The Only Sane One

Me: Alfred, I’ve hit a bit of an obstacle in Operation Christmas.

The Only Sane One: Indeed, Master Damian? What seems to be the problem?

Me: The designer I hired is being unreasonable.

The Only Sane One: How so?

Me: She’s refusing to work with me.

The Only Sane One: I see. Why is that?

Me: She doesn’t like how I talk to her.

The Only Sane One: Master Damian, I trust you have remembered your manners.

Me: Yes, Alfred. Of course.

Me: The thing is I was a bit… blunt.

The Only Sane One: Indeed?

Me: Yes…

The Only Sane One: I see. It seems an apology is in order.

Me: I suppose.

Me: So how does one go about apologizing?

The Only Sane One: I would suggest cutting back on any bluntness, admitting fault, and a request for forgiveness and continuance of service.

The Only Sane One: You may also find added incentive to be particularly effective, perhaps offer aid in some way or a favor.

Me: I see.

Me: Thank you, Alfred.

The Only Sane One: Of course, Master Damian.

Google Search History:

Arthur’s Little Sister?

Success Rate Of Blackmailing

Apology Template

From the phone of Dick Grayson:

Chat Name: The Boys (Minus The Demon)

Jaybird: find anything?

Timmy: nope. she’s really good at hiding.

Jaybird: no idiot

Jaybird: take a break from stalking mdc and see if demon spawns hired someone to get our presents yet

Me: Should we help him? I know Damian’s difficult but I don’t want him to feel like we want him to go away.

Jaybird: but we do want him to go awayy…

Me: …

Jaybird: just for a little! cmon we cant keep going on like this

Timmy: he’s right.

Timmy: I mean we all know why he doesnt like me…

Jaybird: dont blame him

Timmy: and I cant fault him for hating Jason…

Jaybird: shut it replacement

Timmy: but he doesn’t even get along with you most days dick!

Timmy: he needs friends…

Jaybird: besides superbaby

Timmy: and he’s only just stopped terrorizing his classmates.

Jaybird: he doesnt have any people skills!

Me: You can’t fault him for that! You know what it was like for him growing up with freaking Talia for a mother.

Jaybird: we know dick but that doesnt change the fact that he needs to learn how to treat people and he hasnt in the seven years hes been home maybe the titans can teach him

Me: So what? We’re supposed to just ship him off to be someone else’s problem like his mother did? That’s BS!

Timmy: no of course not! we’re still his family! him being a titan won’t change that!

Me: Exactly! We’re his family! It’s our job to teach him and him not learning anything is on us.

Me: We didn’t send Jason off when he was sick from the Lazarus Pit and we’re not sending Damian away just because his mother messed him up so bad.

…

Jaybird: your right but if we tried to help him he wouldnt let us

Timmy: so what’re we supposed to do? I mean even if we did help him you know dad would see right past us.

Jaybird: then he gets sent away anyway and the demon spawn will hate us forever

Timmy: (shrugging emoji)

Me: Maybe we could just subtly steer him in the right direction?

Timmy: find out what he’s getting us and tell him if it sucks?

Jaybird: that could work

Timmy: I still can’t find anything on his computer.

Me: I’ll get Babs on to go through his phone.

Chat Name: Babs

Me: Oh wise one I beg thee to help me!

Babs: what do you want me to waste my time doing for you?

Me: Can you search Damian’s phone for anything that might be related to Christmas?

Babs: no

Me: plz?

Babs: why?

Me: We want to help him stay…

Babs: …

Babs: give me a sec

Me: Thank you!

Babs: don’t thank me yet I helped him encrypt his phone this is all I got

Babs: (screenshot of Damian’s search history)

Me: That’s not helpful.

Babs: not my problem

Chat Name: The Boys (Minus The Demon)

Me: This is all she found…

Timmy: i’m concerned.

Me: I think we’re all concerned Timmy…

Timmy: who is he blackmailing?

Jaybird: really? thats the only thing here that didnt suprise me

Jaybird: i think we should be more concerned that hes trying to apologize to someone

Me: Best not to think about that.

Timmy: agreed.

Jaybird: yup

Me: So this doesn’t help us…

Timmy: maybe we should ask alfred?

Jaybird: nooooo

Me: It’s worth a try.

Timmy: or three…

From the phone of Alfred Pennyworth:

Chat Name: Master Timothy

Master Timothy: Alfred, has Damian come to you for help with Xmas?

Me: There’s coffee in the kitchen, Master Tim.

Me: Next time, don’t run.

Chat Name: Master Richard

Master Richard: Have you heard anything from Damian about Christmas?

Me: I am not at liberty to say, Master Dick.

Master Richard: Please, Alfred. We just want to help.

Me: Master Bruce specifically said that Master Damian must complete this task on his own. Even I am not permitted to help him much.

Master Richard: Much?

Me: Yes. For example, I am allowed to help keep his progress private.

Master Richard: I see.

Master Richard: Thank you, Alfred.

Me: Have a good day, Master Dick.

Chat Name: Master Jason

Master Jason: Hey what’s the demon spawn getting us for xmas?

Me: Master Jason, why is one of my plates missing? You know, the ones of the finest quality imported for China.

Master Jason: I ddont know

Master Jason: let me go find it

Chat Name: Master Bruce

Master Bruce: Alfred, has there been any developments with Damian?

Me: Yes. I believe everything is working out as you wished Master Bruce.

Master Bruce: Very good.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: November 2, 2021 6:30 P.M.

Subject: An Apology

Dear Ms. Dupain-Cheng,

In my desperation it seems I have acted quite far out of line. You see, a lot is riding on my ability to procure adequate gifts for my brothers. If I fail, my father may send me away in order to teach me a lesson in social skills. My brothers are huge fans of yours (I will also admit your artistry is very impressive) and have, not for a lack of trying, been unable to find out who you are. I have no doubt that if I get them MDC originals for Christmas then I will be able to stay.

This does not excuse my previous email however. I will ruefully admit that I’m often told I assume too much but few people have been so effective in pointing this out to me as yourself. I admit my methods were morally and legally unjust. I apologize and request forgiveness. Perhaps you could overlook my rather offensive first email and we could start again.

As for the blackmailing, I meant it when I said I have no desire to reveal your identity. I won’t. I realize now that would only make my own situation worse (my brothers would probably kill me on your behalf) but that is not my only motivator. In my research I learned about your situation in school. I will agree that I do not know the truth of the matter as well as yourself but I have no wish to make anything worse. I suppose you may as well have made the best choices you could’ve as it seems your classmates refuse to see reason. That must be inconvenient.

If this, my first apology, or the promised monetary compensation are still not enough to persuade you to still allow me to order my brothers MDC originals perhaps I may offer my help as well. I may not know the situation like you but I do have resources you might find useful. After all, they did allow me to find your identity.

I’m looking forward to your reply without any expectations of when it will come. (I’m told sleep is important though.)

- Damian W.

I’m not loving this formatting but I’m not in the headspace to change it so I will simply say that if you want better formatting, read this on A03. Okay! Chapter 3 is coming in a second!

Master List

#MariBat #Daminette #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Damian Wayne #FanFic

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jessica-rowan · 4 years ago

Text

A letter I will never send (to my transphobic mother)

Janet,

So I’m moving out. You’re a bitch and have been such a profoundly negitive influence on me that I have wanted to kill myself. Any mother who is the direct cause of that in her child is a failed mother and a terrible person.

Fuck you. Like for real and for serious, Fuck you. You sit and you bitch about how no one respects you and you don’t feel loved. This WHOLE house bends to your every whim without a word in argument. NO ONE stands in your way. NO ONE. fuck you. SO MANY of my fucking friends have made some variation of the comment:

“If i didn’t know other people aside from your mother lived here i wouldnt have ever guessed”

My room, my space, my fucking hidaway. It has hardwood floors not because I wanted them, but because YOU wanted them. BOTH times my room has been painted it was because YOU wanted it painted.

There is ZERO evidence that I live in the house. Everything is how YOU want it and its always fucking been this way.

You bitch, you berate, you condescend and YOURE FUCKING PROUD OF IT

“Hey i'm just being honest, if you don't want me to be honest dont ask” - thats fucking your mantra and you fucking wear it like a fucking crown

Brutal honesty? No. judgemental bitch. Its not a good character trait its fucking toxic and its one of the many, many, many fucking reasons danielle doesnt fucking talk to you. The reason we dont come to you with problems is because we learned really fucking early that instead of advice or empathy we get criticism and judgement.

Did it ever occur to you that fucking maybe we wanted a mother and not a personified negative opinion?

You grew up in an abusive home. That sucks. You know what you did instead of making sure that your kids never suffered what you went through? YOU FUCKING CREATED AN ABUSIVE HOME WHERE TWO OUT OF YOUR THREE KIDS HAVE TRIED TO KILL THEMSELVES BECUSE OF YOU.

You are a fucking narcisist. This note, these words. They look like lies to you. That i’m making shit up. You cannot see what you’ve done to us and when confronted by the smallest possibility you may have done something?? Not only DO YOU FUCKING BLAME US you have also said that even if you DID do something YOU FUCKING TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT.

LIKE A FUCKING FOUR YEAROLD.

You fucking cunt stain

There is no one in this world i fucking hate more than you

You’ve ripped so much joy from me, caused me an incalculable amount of pain, AND HOW FUCKING DARE I EVER IMPLY that maybe something youve said or done has caused hurt. BITCH. YOU FUCKING BITCH

I want to kill myself. DO YOU FUCKING GET THAT? YOU HAVE SAID AND DONE THINGS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO OPEN UP MY WRISTS WITH A FUCKING BOXCUTTER.

And by the fucking grace of a few friends and a CHAMPION sister, whos been more of a fucking mother than you ever have been. IM NOT FUCKING DEAD YET.

“I love and support you!!!” youll fucking say, cause youre always the victim. And im being so fucking mean and hateful and ungrateful right now.

You know what.

Go fuck yourself.

You ensured ive felt BEHOLDEN to you, that i am INDEBTED to you. Im made to feel bad about ANY and EVERY decision i make that stears my own fucking life.

Youve fucking said time and time again “live your own life and find your happiness” “all i want is for you to be happy”

But whenever we did something to further those goals??? You fucking made us feel like shit.

That we were insulting you PERSONALLY for not doing whatever in the way YOU wanted.

You want us to be happy as long as we live in a way that YOU can fucking control

You wanna know why danielle pisses you off so fucking much??

You can't control her.

You wanna know why my transition pisses you off so much

Other than the fact youre a massively homophopic transphobic psychobitch?

Because it's moved me beyond your control

And you cant fucking STAND that.

And lets fucking talk about my transition. A word you can’t even fucking SAY.

This is the BEST FUCKING THING THATS EVER FUCKING HAPPENED TO ME

THIS FUCKING SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE.

And you fucking HATE it.

You wont use my pronouns, you fucking refuse to call me a she. Your excuse is “i need some time” bullshit

If you were making ANY effort at all you would, fucking statistically speaking, use the proper one AT SOME FUCKING POINT but you dont. You never fucking have. you never fucking will becuse you dont care that it hurts me. Because anything that is a minor inconvenience to fucking Janet isnt fucking worth a damn so fuck everyone who isnt you.

You said point blank that you hate my name and you won't use it.

In a rare moment of bravery, i pointed out that refusal to acknowledge someone's identity is profoundly disrespectful you fucking YELLED AT ME you bigoted bitch.

You said I BETRAYED THE FAMILY when I changed my name. You flat out said that I wasn't part of this family anymore. You yelled at me for two fucking hours about how fucking awful i was.

“Youre a Rowan now, whatever the fuck that is”

IT MEANS COURAGE YOU FUCKING CUNT

Courage to face your fucking abuser and tell her to fuck the hell right the fuck off

When i came out to you do you know what the first things you fucking said to me were??

BECAUSE I FUCKING DO

They are burned into my fucking mind. They will probably never leave.

“First of all how dare you’ - HOW FUCKED UP IT THIS. i don't even have WORDS for how MASSIVELY FUCKED UP THIS IS. how dare I?? HOW FUCKING DARE I WHAT??? BE FUCKING HAPPY??? I THOUGHT YOU WANTED THAT, OH WAIT NO, YOU ONLY WANT HAPPINESS YOU APPROVE OF. LIFE SAVING HAPPINESS TO KEEP YOUR CHILD ALIVE??? CANT HAVE THAT. you fucking cunt

“I suppose i cant talk you out of it” - TALK ME OUT OF WHAT? BEING TRANSGENDER IS NOT A FUCKING CHOICE SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? TALK ME OUT OF????FUCKING STAYING ALIVE AND HAPPY? YOU WOULD PREFER I DIED INSTEAD THEN YOU WOULDN'T BE INCONVENIENCED BY MY HAPPINESS

“I'm not going to hit you but I'm thinking about it” OH NEAT LETS TRY SAYING THIS ANOTHER WAY

“I want to assault this person because they have displeased me and I am a violent narcissist bigot”

YOU FUCKING PSYCHOPATH. HITTING YOUR CHILD, WHO CAME TO YOU DESPITE HOW AFRAID THEY WERE AND YOU FIRST THOUGHT IS TO FUCKING HIT THME FOR IT.

Your fucking insane and you need help.

In the time since ive come out never once. NOT FUCKING ONCE have you said “i love you” to me.

MARYLOU a fucking aunt I rarely see??? THOSE WERE THE FIRST FUCKING WORDS SHE SAID TO ME. THE FIRST FUCKING WORDS OUT OF HER MOUTH.

DANIELLE my fucking sister who also dont get to see that often

THE FIRST THINGS SHE SAID WAS THAT SHE LOVES ME AND SHE’S PROUD OF ME

BUT YOU, fucking YOU. love was the farthest thing from your fucking mind.

When I then came out to dad, which by the way, DISPROVES YOUR FUCKING NARRATIVE THAT YOU WERE THE LAST TO FIND OUT. you fucking said of me “where did i go wrong”

BITCH YOU FUCKING WENT WRONG WHEN YOU DECIDED TO NOT LOVE YOUR CHILDREN.

This house hasn’t been a home for me since it was built.

This house is your house. It’s always been your house. You make sure everyone fucking knows that.

And believe me we DO know that.

And its taken me a long fucking time to get my brain to accept that i dont fucking need you

I dont need your negativity

I dont need your hate

I dont need your passive aggressive bullshit

I dont need to feel like i should have to hide in my own home

I dont need to feel like im not safe

I dont need to feel guilty for being FINALLY who I am, who I always was

What I DO need?

Is a place that respects me

A place I feel safe

A place I don’t feel judged the moment I walk into the room

A place where I can surround myself with people who are happy i chose not to kill myself

A place where I can breathe

A place where I DONT have to cry myself to sleep

And that place?

That place isn’t here.

That place is not YOUR house

That place is not ANYWHERE near you

So I’m leaving. I choose life. I choose to live. I choose to be happy.

Fuck you Janet. Fuck you straight to a lonely hell.

I have the fools hope that maybe you’ll fucking read this and maybe just maybe something inside that wicked shell of yours realizes what shes done. It fucking wont, cause in Janets fucking world everyone is out to get her and she can do no wrong.

But if by some fucking MIRACLE that does happen and you wanna talk to me? You want to APOLOGIZE to me?? Maybe, FUCKING MAYBE I’ll talk.

But you WILL call me Jessica

Or you won’t call me at all.

Signed in outrage by your youngest DAUGHTER,

Jessica Rowan

#transgender #transitioning #transwomen #transphobes #transphobia #bigotry #lgbtq #lgbtq+#outrage #emotional abuse #catharsis

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eremika-forever12 · 5 years ago

Text

//Eremika Fanfic : Remember Me!?//

Chapter- 1 click here

Chapter: 2

Pouring some water over the flower pot.....Mikasa finishes off her gardening in the small court yard behind her house....

As she was about to enter....inside the house....she notices someone standing far away....probably waiting for her...

Glancing over the person, Mikasa’s eyes brighten with surprise...

Mikasa looking at the person- Armin! What a pleasent surprise!

Armin foolishly grins- Ahhh....Hi! Errmm...Mikasa!

Mikasa smiles slightly- So what brings you....here? In such an early morning? I suppose you should be with your scouts at the moment ...Captain Armin Arlert!

Armins nervously Chuckles – Well ya....I do have a meeting with commander Hanjee today! So....well....but I came here to talk something important with you!

Mikasa stares at Armin blankly as she says- Go On!

Armin nervously- Wont you ask me to come inside? I guess....too much heat today...Outside!

Mikasa with a blank nod- Oh yes....Sorry for keeping you standing outside! Come in...

Saying this Mikasa goes in while Armin follows her as he whispers silently- Its Okay!

***********

That silhouette.....some one is right behind him!

Eli eyes widen as he stares at that silhouette....who is that? Who must be standing behind him?

Oh my god is he in danger? His mom has always told him to be careful about child kidnappers which roam in corner of every silent place....

Oh god the place is so silent....Eli thinks suddenly...he has started to feel nervous already!

Should he look back or should he....Run!

The silhouette was still there....

Gaining lots of courage...Eli swiftly looks behind his back...

To his shock he absolutely finds no one there...

Eli looks back to the wall where the silhouette was present....to his surprise, there wasnt any presence of silhouette either...

Eli was confused....Was he dreaming or something?

He tries to glance behind to notice if someone is still there or not!

Wind starts blowing around the area as Eli hears the wheezing sound of it....making him kind of shake in fear as he realised he is sitting all alone in this whole destructed area with no sight of any single person.

**********

Mikasa glances back at Armin from kitchen who was sitting around the small round table with a nervous look.

"Whats wrong with him? Why does he look tense? "

Thinks Mikasa....

With two cups of tea in a tray...Mikasa sits opposite Armin face to face.

Armin looks up at her and smiles...

Mikasa sipping the tea as she says boringly- So Armin? Whats the matter? You wanted to say somthing...What is it?

Armin hesitantly stares at Mikasa- Yeah....err....Its...Its about Eli!

Mikasa's eyes widen as she stops drinking the tea and stares at Armin while he continues- Your Son!

Before he could say a word more , Mikasa interrupted as she looked desperate- What about Eli? Is he alright? Did he do anything in school again?

Armin trying to calm Mikasa- Hey calm down! There isnt anything like that but....

Mikasa calming down a bit- But What?

Armin taking deep breath- Mikasa listen! Whatever I am gonna tell you...dont take it other wise! You know very well....Right from his birth I have always looked at him as my own Son!

Mikasa keeps on staring at Armin with no expression as he continues- I have never seen him different even when Alina was born...the thing is actually....I think you need to deal with him carefully Mikasa!

Mikasa frowns as she at Armin- What do you mean by that?

Armin taking deep breath- Today I saw him walking in tense mood....more like he was upset on something! As my meeting was in the afternoon...I decided to follow him to check on him if he was actually fine! He seemed okay after sometime from his expression though I decided to bid him a Hi! He was quite happy seeing me until I mentioned about you telling me to check on him whenever I can last week! He was furious....he almost reminded me of Eren! Well I dont blame his rudeness after all its all about genes...

Armin chuckles a bit then suddenly turning serious he looks at Mikasa- I think you are being too harsh on Him Mikasa!

Mikasa kept looking at Armin blankly when she said coldly- What do you mean by being harsh? Are you gonna tell me he is being rude due to me? Or his feisty behaviour is due to me? I know what I am doing & What is good for him! I am his mother!

Armin sternly- that's not the point Mikasa! You know it! More Over didnt you two had an argument before he left for school? Dont lie to me!

Mikasa coldly- it wasnt an argument! I was simply trying to put some sense in his head! I cant let him be like Eren! I cant let that anger thing control him! He needs to understand the world is cruel but beautiful too which his father never understood! (Whispers Mikasa)

Armin sighing- You know what is the main problem! You are taking his freedom away! Making him sit in the home all day wont solve anything....people wont stop saying crap about him! You both need to live freely! You need to let him open to people! By trying to make him home sick....you cant anyway control his anger! You are simply worsening it!

Mikasa glares- Let him open to people? Yeah right! So that he could kick their butts everytime they open their filthy mouth! Armin....just incase let me remind you! The people around here dont really like our presence! And I dont want my baby to suffer their hatred! Anyways he is indeed going to school....he is learning things there! What he isnt understanding is....loosing his cool wont help him! Its better to ignore people rather than pushing ourselves into hell! Let people say whatever they want....We are happy in our own small world!

Armin raising his voice- Really Mikasa? That what you think? Hiding yourself into this small house....letting Eli be bored all alone in this home! Doing such! What difference are you making? As You Said People Will Speak Shit! Why do you care? What are you afraid off? Its better to live a life the way you want rather than crawling into darkness!

Mikasa sharply- I DONT CARE! I KNOW WHERE ARE YOU HEADING TO?! YOU WANT ME TO JOIN SCOUTS BACK! DONT YOU? 100TH TIMES I HAVE TOLD YOU....IT AINT HAPPENING! TILL HE COMES BACK....I Need Answers! Answer for running away from me once again!

Armin freaks out- Stop it Mikasa! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? IT HAS BEEN 6 DAMN YEARS! EREN IS DEAD! And Humanity Needs Back Their Strongest Soilder!

Mikasa glares as she raises her voice coldly- No he isnt....my heart doesnt believe it! I am sure he is alive...somewhere...

Tears welled up in her eyes- He is just running from us again & again! And I dont understand Why! He promised me for the final time....He will come back to me! If he was here....Eli & me wouldnt have been this much miserable!

Armin shocked- Can you stop it Mikasa? I know you miss him....We miss him too....But he is gone! Accept the reality! Move forward Mikasa! You are only ruining Eli ‘s life! Lastly....You do know how the people acknowledges Eren Now! He is known as Humanity's Biggest Threat in History! Doesnt matter what result has brought from that rumbling! Killing thousands of lives! A murderer is always a murderer!

Mikasa stares at Armin coldly but says nothing as he continues- Eli is still a kid....he doesnt know about his father even! While the people suspects him of Eren's kid! Though they only suspect but have no confirmation! I suggest you....

Mikasa retorts back- I dont need your suggestion Armin! And What proof do you have that Eren is dead? Did you see his body? Or his titanic form again? What makes you so sure of it! Well I dont take any of it....He was your best freind....And you only speak of him being dead! WHY!

Mikasa suddenly holds Armins collar freaking the hell out of him as she shouts- Why? Did you kill him by your own hands? To save humnaity....you were the one who suggested his death!

Armin shocked trying to get rid of her clutch around his collar- Hell No! Whats wrong with you?

Mikasa leaves him with a jerk- I dont care what anyone says....I believe he is alive! Only if he returns to us one day....

Armin sharply as he says hesitantly- Will you be able to forgive him even if he returns from his grave?

************

Eli is walking hurriedly all alone towards his home....he has gone bit far today....

Moreover he just bunked his school today, he honestly prays.....none of the teachers notices him all of sudden from no where....

The Sun was just on top of him shining brightly....it was quite hot due to the sun rays...

Eli keeps on looking behind at times for some wierd reason....

From a time being, he felt he was being followed by someone! But he couldn't notice anyone keeping an eye on him...

Eli was taking his steps faster....a creepy feeling was eating him out. He was feeling nervous...

Someone is definitely following him....or was it just his intution!

Eli was walking hurriedly without looking infront when suddenly he bumped into someone and fell on the ground....

Eli while rubbing his nose looks upwards and finds two men with hat staring at him angrily.

One man says- Heyyy you little brat! Whats up with you? Are you blind or something!

Suddenly the other man eyes shone brightly as he grinned wickedly- Oh look who is here! The child of the devil.....! ELI....ACKREMAN! THE LITTLE BASTARD....SON OF THAT FREAK!

While other man whispers – Wait....Ackerman? I dont think or remember that monster name as of some Ackraman....it was Yeager!

Eli was scowling at them while still being sitting on ground but not understanding a single thing about what they were talking about but it was definitely something about his name!

Eli angrily- Hey! Whom are you talking to?

The two guys glared at him as one of them pulled him up holding his collar freaking the hell out of him- Hey You Shut Your Filthy Mouth Up! Who even gave you permission to wander in these streets! If the rumours are true of you being the son of that BASTARD! You & your filthy mom should be extint!

Saying this he threw Eli away letting him fall again....

After that both of the men left while laughing loudly making Eli angry more....at that moment he felt like punching the faces of those two old creeps.

He was about to stand and run after them when suddenly a young lad came infront of him....his hair was quite long and the long bangs he had were covering his one eye....he had a stretcher in his one hand which was supporting him to stand still....

Eli notices closely and realises....the guy has a bandage too around his head....

As Eli was lost in noticing, the stranger brings a water bottle infront of him....making him snap out of his senses...

The stranger with deep voice as he stares deeply into Eli eyes while bending a bit- Hey You! You left it there in the bench! I had been following you with my broken leg till here....Kid You Run So Fast! What's the hurry? Here Put it back in your Bag!

Eli blinks his eyes nervously as suddenly it clicked him....Was it this guy following him all the way till here! But back then....there was no one in that barren land!

Eli with shaking hands takes the bottle away from the stranger's hand...

The guy then stands straight from his bending position as he glances back at Eli....

The Sunrays fell on his body as his face shone bright....while Eli eyes widen as he still kept on staring at him while still being on the ground!

While Eli was all numb, the guy asks coldly- Do you think you can stand....Kid?

Eli was scared....he didn't know Why! But he was....all he could do was nod his head swiftly in positive way..

The stranger with blank look replies- Great Then!

Saying so he started limping away slowly while Eli kept on staring at him....

There was something about this person which was bothering little Eli so much....

While at a distance the man halts and glances back at Eli as THEIR GREEN EYES STARED BACK AT EACH OTHER!

Chapter - 3

P.S So How Was The Chapter? Do Like , Share & Comment!😎

#eren yeager #eremika #eren x mikasa #eremika fanfic #mikasa ackerman #shingeki no kyojin #armin arlert #attack on titan #eremin

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oleanderblume · 5 years ago

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understanding trauma

I'm not lost on the new Steven universe movie, literally just watched it but I want to drive home the core concept of the show, the movie and its themes in regards to relationships and trauma as well as their effects.

If you pay close attention, every single character in Steven universe displays a level of trauma. For various reasons.

Some is systemic abuse by the powers that be, some is physical abuse by relationships, some is emotional abuse due to abandonment and neglect, some is emotional trauma from being expected as something more or better that what you are.

And neither the show or the movie beat around the Bush in its excellent understanding in relationship dynamics, and the types of abuse and trauma that can and do arise from that.

I can without a doubt say that every single viewer of the show can fit into any of these categories and abuser and as a victim, both, because relationships are not one sided, everything you do and dont do has an effect on those who are close to you.

Since it's a hot topic, I'll use Spinel and her backstory and relationship with pink/rose.

As far as I'm aware, spinal was made specifically for pink, spinel was made to be a companion, and a friend, and she did her job well until..well, she didn't.

Her relationship with pink was a result from pinks relationship with the diamonds. The neglect and abandonment is a perfect representation of the cycle of abuse.

The diamonds abuse pink, do common abuser tactics to placate her by getting her new things, shiny toys, things that will distract her. Pink is happy, spinel only knows pink as happy.

But pink stops being happy, pink leaves, makes a colony, rashly fakes her death and leaves her old toys under the bed to slowly get covered in dust and cobwebs. Her abandonment of spinel has nothing to do with spinel.

But spinel doesnt know that because spinel only saw one part of pink.

Just like a child of a neglectful father doesnt know that the father is in an abusive relationship with the mother. All the child knows is that the father went to go get cigarettes and never came back.

But the heartache and nuance in SU crews writing is that they dont stop there. They explore and explain why it hurts why it happens and the hurricane of different emotions and reactions to such things can have.

Let me give a personal example.

I have long standing abandonment issues. Due to two major occurrences in my life (aside from long term childhood trauma I have no proper way of recalling). My dad left when I was about 5 to go to Iraq. I did not know he would or wouldnt come back. I did not know if I would ever have a dad again. Eventually he came back, but he had his own trauma stemming from Iraq.

And the much more damaging one, ironically, I literally, suddenly and abruptly was abandoned by all the people I called friends. In a single day, all of them left and i was alone for a whole year.

Let me tell you the things that go on in a twelve year olds head when everyone you think cares about you suddenly drops off the face of the earth in your eyes, on purpose..

You are sad, you are alone and sad because everyone is gone and you dont know why.

You blame yourself, you hate yourself. Because they left you because you were annoying, you are too loud, too childish, too dumb.

You internalize that blame, and turn it into reactionary anger. You hate everyone. If they hate you, you will hate them much more and much longer than they will ever conceive.

You dont trust new people. Because they can leave you at the drop of a hat too. They can, no, they will abandon you, it's only a matter of time.

So you close yourself off. Mute yourself and your emotional turmoil, and distrust anyone for being truly a friend to you, and to protect yourself you continuously prepare yourself for the event in which they do give up, they do leave you, and if they don't, if you have an ounce of hope they will stay you doubt yourself.

And then you leave, before they are able to leave you.

That is word for word what I did, how I reacted to the abrupt abandonment of my friends and if you have seen the new SU movie, then you should know that is word for word how spinel reacts to what is essentially the exact same event.

Its realistic, and it's TRUE. And even if you think pink/rose is the worst ever, you have to recognize that rebecca and her crew do their damned research when it comes to relationships, abuse and trauma. They put so much effort into developing their characters, the heroes and the villains alike and it fucking shows.

So like..idk watch the show again, watch the movie again, write a fucking dissertation on the theme of the show cause it's good as fuck.

#trauma #su #spinel #pink #rose quartz #steven universe

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thedragonagelesbian · 1 year ago

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“im sure your mother wouldnt want you to blame yourself” “you dont know my mother” is still one of the most fucked up things in the entire series btw...............................................................

#ALL OF THE HAWKE FAMILY FEELINGS TODAY

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inyournightmares97 · 6 years ago

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My Youth (Chapter 6)

Broken and miserable, Park Jinyoung returns to his hometown to learn that no matter how hard he falls, there are still people who think he’s a hero.

Warnings: Mentions of suicide/depression, death, angst, slow build, maybe some language.(Please don’t ask when I’ll update. Wait until the series is finished to read if you’re impatient.)

Word Count: 5.7k+

(Can’t put links to the other parts here, please check my Masterlist/the reblog for the Prologue and Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5)

“-Mom, I’m busy,” Jinyoung muttered into the phone. He had been sitting in a crucial meeting with the Finance Director of GOT Tech and representatives of the Financial Regulatory Board. Receiving approval for his company to go public was one of the most critical and risky steps in Jinyoung’s career.

His mother, however, had been calling him constantly for the last twenty minutes.

Mrs. Park sounded upset. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung, dear. I just needed to reach you-”

“Mom, I’m in an extremely important meeting right now. Do you know how it looks when the Managing Director of GOT Group keeps getting calls from his mother during business meetings? What do you want from me?” Jinyoung demanded in a frustrated whisper, running his fingers through his hair. He tried not to let his agitation show on his face; the other high-profile attendees of the meeting could still see him through the glass wall of the conference room.

“Jinyoung, there’s been a terrible tragedy in town,” his mother began nervously. “I don’t… I don’t know how to tell you this, but i suppose there’s no easy way to talk about a death. Remember I told you that I’ve been going to the hospital every day to meet-”

Jinyoung felt a burst of irritation. The clock was ticking. The Board members were waiting for him impatiently and he could see the disapproval on their faces. “Mom, did you call me to tell me that someone died?”

“Well… yes, but-”

“Mom, I have been preparing for this presentation for months. The future of my company depends on this meeting. This is absolutely the worst time you could have chosen to tell me something like this,” Jinyoung muttered through gritted teeth. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. “Please don’t mess up my focus right now. We can talk about this later. Do you need anything from me urgently?”

Mrs. Park hesitated. “You always seem to be busy these days. I just thought… if we could maybe help out with the funeral expenses or the hospital bills…”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. “Mom, you can just call my secretary for that. She’ll send you whatever amount you need. Send them flowers from me or something, okay? I have to go now.”

“Take care, Jinyoung, dear-”

“Bye, Mom.”

Jinyoung hung up and sighed, pressing his fingers to his temple. His personal secretary had followed him out of the room and was watching him nervously. He hadn’t even asked his mother who it was that had passed away. Was it somebody he knew? Maybe it was best that he didn’t think about it too much for now.

“Take my Mom’s call and ask her who died, send them money for the funeral and all those formalities,” Jinyoung told his secretary shortly. She nodded and made a note of it on her phone quickly while Jinyoung cleared his mind.

Focus. The presentation. The numbers.

Jinyoung took a deep, calming breath and plastered a rehearsed smile on his face before he turned to enter the conference room once more.

“I’m so sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting,” Jinyoung greeted all the well-dressed men with a bright smile. “I hope you can forgive me. Mothers seem to have a knack for calling at the most inconvenient times, don’t they?”

The men chuckled politely. “That’s perfectly fine, Mr. Park.”

“May I begin the presentation?”

“Please, do.”

--------

Jinyoung believed that to achieve something great, you needed to make certain sacrifices.

He had always known that the path he was embarking upon was not an easy one. Establishing your own business meant that you didn't get off work at 5 pm sharp, you couldn’t spend your weekends at a countryside cabin or getting drinks with your friends. You needed to keep working until things got done. You needed to compete in the market. You needed to be strong enough to pick up after your losses and clever enough to make friends in the right places. People were depending on you.

Jinyoung hadn’t merely chosen a career, he had chosen a life.

A very lonely life.

Whenever his mother would call him and try to have a casual chat, Jinyoung would find himself irritated. Who cared whether Mrs. Lee from the grocery store was giving a discount on strawberry bread? What did it matter if Mr. Cha had been trying to sell his little farmland? There was important work to be done. Jinyoung needed to talk to the advertising agents to make sure his products were being launched properly, he needed to negotiate discounts with suppliers to ensure he could meet the planned pricing goals. There were employees relying on him. There were investors who had trusted him with their money. There were quarterly goals that had to be met.

Every second of Jinyoung’s time was precious. Why couldn’t everyone understand that? Why couldn’t his mother stop thinking that her tiny little world in this tiny little town was everything, and understand the importance of what her son was doing?

There are a limited number of hours every man has at his disposal. We each make a conscious choice regarding how to spend each one.

It was only now, standing in front of your mother’s grave, that Jinyoung came a terrifying realization.

He had made the wrong choices.

------

“It was heart failure,” Mrs. Park whispered.

Jinyoung’s hands clutched the cup of tea firmly. It was hot and uncomfortable, but not more than the sick feeling in his stomach. Every word his mother spoke made him feel more pathetic.

What had he been doing all those months while your mother was in hospital and when she’d died? Preparing for his company to go public? Sitting in meetings and sucking up to corporate officials? Only to be fired and thrown out of the company. Only to have missed the death of somebody who had trusted him and cared for him.

“But she couldn’t have been that old…” Jinyoung muttered.

Mrs. Park shook her head softly. “She’d always had a weak heart, Jinyoung. Her health was fragile and after her husband passed away she had no choice but to work to support her daughter. All those long hours and late nights for years… they took their toll in the end. She had her first stroke three years ago. She was in hospital for a few weeks and then she had the second one; the one that took her life.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes, remembering your mother in his mind’s eye.

“She always looked tired. And worried.”

“She was.” Mrs. Park reached out and placed a hand over her son’s nervously. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung. I should have told you about it sooner. But you were always so busy in Seoul, always doing important things. It never seemed like the right time to tell you about something so devastating. It’s my fault.”

Jinyoung let out a small scoff. “Don’t take the blame on yourself. That doesn’t help me.”

Mrs. Park looked upset. “Jinyoung-”

She was interrupted by a loud knocking at the front door. Jinyoung closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his temple while he listened to his father go to the door and yell at the person on the other side. The reporters had already found his home address. They had started arriving one-by-one since this morning. Each of them desperately wanted an interview with Park Jinyoung, the man who had lost his empire overnight. They wanted to know what he had to say about his dismissal from his own company.

Mr. Park re-entered the living room and sighed. “They’re getting more persistent. I think I should call the local police before they start trying to shove their way into our house.”

Jinyoung nodded and stood up. “I’ll go down to the police station myself and ask them to send someone to deal with this harrassment. Mom, you’ve told everyone we know to deny any reporters who request them for an interview, right?”

“Yes, but is it really a good idea for you to be going outside now-”

“I think I’ll lose my mind if I stay indoors,” Jinyoung muttered. He grabbed the black hoodie that was slung over the back of the sofa and glanced at his parents. They were both looking at him with wide, worried eyes.

Jinyoung felt a sudden wave of guilt wash over him; why should they have to deal with so much because of his mistakes? Why was he always the one taking and yet never giving?

“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly. “I’ll try and be back for dinner.”

------

Jinyoung’s legs carried him naturally towards the elementary school.

Perhaps it was a subconscious urge to see you, even though he had no idea what he would say if you really appeared before him. Anything Jinyoung could have said to help should have been said three years ago. Words like I’m sorry seemed like an insensitive joke at this point; too little and far too late.

Jinyoung sat silently on the bench by the schoolyard with his face covered by his dark hoodie, and wondered how his life had brought him to this point.

Left with nothing with shame.

“Ahjussi!”

By the time Jinyoung looked up, there was already a tiny figure running straight towards him at full speed. He flinched and braced himself for the impact; only to have the small boy stop centimetres away from him and throw his arms around him happily. Jinyoung stiffened.

“What-”

“Ahjussi, you are Park Jinyoung!” Ki-woo cried delightedly. The boy was beaming. Jinyoung noticed for the first time that one of his front teeth was missing, but it was still one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen. “Miss told me yesterday! Why did you lie and say you weren't? I can’t believe the King of the Playground walked me home after school and I didn’t even know!”

Jinyoung couldn’t resist a small smile. The sight of the little boy bouncing on his feet warmed him for a moment and he patted Ki-woo on the head. “If somebody asked Clark Kent if he was Superman, he wouldn’t say yes, now would he?”

Ki-woo’s eyes widened in understanding. “Wow. That’s so true! You’re so cool!”

“You’ll have to keep my secret.”

“Of course I will! Ahjussi, can you tell me how you did it? How did you manage to climb the oak tree?” Ki-woo demanded, grabbing Jinyoung’s arm and tugging on it eagerly. “You have to tell me, you just have to! Were you really tall?”

Jinyoung blinked. “Tall? Not particularly…”

“Then how? How did you do it?”

Jinyoung opened his mouth to respond but he was cut off by a loud yell. He had been so preoccupied with Ki-woo that he hadn’t noticed the much larger man that was making his way across the school yard. Jackson Wang had a huge smile on his face and without greeting, he threw his arms around Jinyoung in a fierce hug.

“Park Jinyoung! Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence!” Jackson cried happily. He pulled back and noticed the blank look on Jinyoung’s face. With a frown, he pointed to himself eagerly. “Remember me? Jackson! Jackson Wang! You used to pass me all the answers in History class!”

Jinyoung swallowed. “Uh…”

“Mr. Wang, you’re friends with Park Jinyoung?” Ki-woo asked, his mouth gaping open.

Jackson blinked and looked down at the boy sheepishly. “Ah, Ki-woo. I didn’t see you down there. Didn’t your teacher tell you to wait inside until someone came to pick you up? Go back indoors now.”

Ki-woo pouted. “But-”

“Nope. Back inside. Now.”

Jackson waited until Ki-woo began to slouch back towards the school building and then turned back to Jinyoung. “Man, you’re pretty much the celebrity around these parts now, eh? We had a couple of reporters come by the school this morning, asking for anyone who used to know you. You have nothing to worry about! I scared them off. These babies aren’t here for nothing,” Jackson beamed and flexed his bare bicep.

Jinyoung didn’t really know how to respond. “Nice.”

Jackson narrowed his eyes. “You do remember me, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course-”

“We should get drinks sometime and catch up now that you’re back in town! Man, I really owe you. You did me a solid one that Christmas before you left, remember? I’ll buy you a couple of beers at the pub. What’s your phone number?” Jackson demanded.

“I don’t really have a phone right now…”

“Don’t have a phone?” Jackson looked confused. “Weird but okay. I guess I can always ask Miss First Grade to get in touch with you. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me you were back in town!” he cried, slapping Jinyoung’s arm playfully. “Hold on… you’re here to see her, aren’t you?”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Not exactly…”

Jackson chuckled knowingly. “No worries, man. I’ve got your back. I need to go inside and take care of the kids now, so I’ll tell her to come out and meet you here, yeah? Let me know if any more of those reporters come around. I’ll take handle them for you!”

Jinyoung forced a smile. “Thanks-”

“No problem, man. It’s what friends are for. We’ll catch up soon!”

“Sure.”

Jinyoung watched Jackson half-run back to the school building, letting out a sigh of relief. Each person he came across in this town seemed to remember something about him and the one who possessed the most dangerous knowledge was Jackson Wang. In addition to having been the resident supplier of inappropriate magazines and the one who’d convinced Jinyoung to try his first cigarette behind the park back in high school, Jackson simply knew a little too much about everybody.

Jinyoung sat down on the bench and took a deep breath. He just realized that Jackson had said he would send you out to meet him. Why hadn’t he told him not to? He wasn’t prepared to face you. Idiot.

It was a few minutes before you emerged from the school building and walked towards Jinyoung. There was a pleasant smile on your face as you approached, and it made Jinyoung’s stomach turn. How could you smile at him like that? How could you be so calm about everything?

“Jinyoung,” you greeted him, confused. “Should you be roaming around out here? There are reporters buzzing all around town.”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Uh. Yeah, I know. Jackson said he drove them away...”

You rolled your eyes. “That idiot Jackson Wang? He was fully prepared to seize his five minutes of fame by telling them how you used to help him cheat in History class. I had to step in and force him to deny the request for an interview,” you muttered. Jinyoung’s eyes widened and you gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I sent a message to the principal of the middle school and the high school. Nobody’s going to give any interviews about you.”

Jinyoung felt small.

“Thanks,” he muttered.

“Did they find your house?”

“Yeah. They’ve been knocking the door all day. It’s really starting to bother Mom and Dad.”

Your expression was sympathetic. “Should I call the police?”

“Don’t worry. I was going to go down to the station myself and ask them to send someone to get rid of the reporters,” Jinyoung reassured you. He felt his heartbeat thump wildly as he looked at your gently smiling face. Should he say it? Should he talk about the elephant in the room? Even though he hadn’t prepared what to say?

“About… about last night…”

You blinked. “Yeah?”

He sighed. “About your mother. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I know that’s no excuse, but I should have been there and-”

You cut him off with a forced smile. “Jinyoung. It’s okay. It’s not like you could have done anything for her even if you were here, you’re not a doctor. Everyone did the best they could.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I might not have been able to help her. But… I should have been there for you.”

The smile dropped from your face. What could you say? Jinyoung’s eyes were filled with shame but it wasn’t the right time for him to be offering condolences. That time had long passed.

But you still remembered his words from last night as he’d hugged you. I don’t feel as alone when I’m here. Jinyoung had been through so much. How could you say anything to such a broken man except for it’s okay? How could you offer him anything but comfort when he had nobody but you?

How could you not be the bigger person when he was suffering?

“It’s fine, Jinyoung,” you promised him softly. “You don’t need to worry about it.”

“How can I not-”

“Seriously. Please. It’s in the past and nobody was to blame. It happened around the time your company was going public, so I can only imagine how chaotic your life and work must have been back then. I don’t resent you.”

Jinyoung looked up at you in disbelief. “How can you not?”

“I just… don’t. It’s fine.”

“Do you really mean that? Do you really mean that?” he demanded.

“I do,” you insisted firmly. You glanced at your watch and sighed. “Wow, it’s getting late. We have a PTA fundraiser at school tonight so I need to start setting up. Oh! Did you bring my bicycle by any chance?” you asked him hopefully.

Jinyoung shook his head. “Uh, no. The reporters were in front of my house so I slipped out through the back…”

“Can you drop it by the school later? I’m going to staying back pretty late because I have to wrap up after the event is over. It might even take till midnight and the buses stop running at 9 so I need a way to get home. It’s not too much trouble, is it?”

“No, that’s fine. I’ll drop it off here later.”

You gave him a small smile as you turned to go back indoors. “Bye, Jinyoung.”

“Bye.”

---------------------------

The PTA fundraiser left you drained of energy.

You would much rather have dealt with a hundred kids at once than with a handful of parents. At least kids could be made to see reason, they could be convinced with a little bit of logic (however flawed). Adults, on the other hand, believed that they knew best and that things had to be done exactly the way they wanted. Adults were unreasonable. Adults liked to throw around their authority.

You had never wanted to get into bed so badly.

You stayed back late to clean up after the fundraiser was over. It wasn’t required of you, but it was something that you somehow ended up volunteering to do. All the other teachers had families to go home to and kids to take care of. You only had an empty apartment.

Asking them to stay back instead of you felt selfish.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and trudged out into the parking lot to see that the bicycle racks were empty. Shit. Had Jinyoung forgotten to leave the bicycle behind for you? Where was he?

You pulled out your cell phone and then sighed. Damn Park Jinyoung. He didn’t even have a stupid phone. It was far past the time that Mr. and Mrs. Park would have gone to bed and you didn't want to wake them by calling them. But your apartment was too far to walk and you would have to pass by the pub; you had no interest in meeting the town’s drunkards alone in those narrow alleys at midnight.

You sighed and dialled another number.

“Jackson, hey. I’m so sorry, I know you just left a little while ago, but…”

-------------------

It was 1am when you heard a loud banging on your front door.

You had just finished taking a shower and were getting ready to slip into bed when the noise began. Your heartbeat racing, you grabbed hold of a kitchen knife quickly and then slowly approached your door.

“Who’s there?” you yelled out, voice shaking.

The voice that replied was muffled. “Jinyoung!”

Jinyoung? At this time of night?

You opened the door carefully. The first thing that hit you was the awful smell; Jinyoung stank of sweat and cheap beer. His eyes were red and his face flushed as he looked at you almost wildly.

“Are you okay?” he demanded, grabbing your shoulders to look at you properly. His hands were trembling and he seemed unaware of how loud his voice was. “Are you all right? I was looking for you everywhere!”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Wow, you’re drunk.”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry- I’m so, so, sorry-”

“How about you come inside before you bring my neighbours running over with all of your noise?” you snapped. You had little patience for drunks, and knowing that Jinyoung had been out getting drunk instead of returning your bicycle did not please you. “Where have you been?”

Jinyoung stared at you helplessly, his arms waving around as he spoke. “I-I was just going to get one drink, I swear. But it led to another and I totally forgot about your bike and I was so scared that you might have walked home because I know that path passes by the pub and it’s not safe-”

“Relax,” you told Jinyoung as you guided him gently towards your couch. “I didn't walk. I called Jackson, he drove me home.”

“Jackson? Wang? Why? Are you guys close?” he asked, plopping down heavily on the couch.

You shrugged. “He’s a good friend.”

Jinyoung paused for a moment and then hung his head quietly.

“We used to be good friends.”

You looked down at Jinyoung properly. He was a wreck. His dark hair was a tangled mess and the light blue dress shirt he was wearing was wrinkled with a beer stain on it. There were even large sweat stains under his arms; he’d probably cycled all the way here in a panic.

And he’s one of the Most Eligible Bachelors under 40. If only the magazine had seen him like this.

“We’re still friends,” you told him lightly. “Although it wouldn’t do any harm to return my bicycle when I ask for it. Do you want a glass of water?”

Jinyoung blinked at you dazedly. “Do you have beer?”

“Absolutely not. Haven’t you had enough?”

His lower lip pouted slightly as he stared down at the floor. “I’ve been drinking all evening but I haven’t reached the point where I feel good or forget about my problems yet. In fact, I keep thinking about them even more. How about a cigarette?”

“You will not smoke in my house,” you told him with a firm glare.

To your surprise, Jinyoung suddenly smiled. It was only a gentle curve of his lips but you spotted it and frowned at him with your arms folded across your chest. “Are you feeling proud of yourself right now? Do you think your behaviour is something to laugh about?” you demanded.

Jinyoung looked up at you softly. “No.”

“Then why are you-”

“Because this is the first time you’ve given me that look since I came back,” Jinyoung admitted quietly. His voice trembled. “This is the first time you got angry at me. You don’t seem to get angry at me anymore.”

You didn’t understand. “Why would you want me to be angry at you-”

“Because you have to be angry with someone before you can forgive them. You have to first admit that they hurt you or that they did something wrong, and only then can you begin to repair your relationship,” Jinyoung whispered. He looked up at you and you could see the tears brimming in his eyes. “So tell me honestly. Have you forgiven me already?”

You swallowed. “I was never mad at you to begin with-”

“You’re lying.”

You clenched your fists as your heartbeat thudded. “I’m not lying. You’re drunk. You should drink some water and you can sleep on the couch-”

Jinyoung looked up at you, his eyes bloodshot yet surprisingly clear. “You are lying. Either you’re lying or you’re not the same girl I remember.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because the girl I knew wouldn’t have pretended to forgive a friend to spare his feelings. She would have grabbed me by the shirt, looked me in the eye, and said Park Jinyoung, you’re an absolute bastard for leaving me here when I was having a hard time. She wouldn’t have spared my feelings. She would have expected me to be there for her because that’s what friends do. They count on each other.”

You closed your eyes. How had Jinyoung seen right through you? Even after 10 years, how could he see through you like you were made of glass?

“I’m not angry,” you tried to tell him slowly, even though you weren’t sure who you were convincing anymore. “Because I never expected you to be there. You were busy and I had no expectations-”

Jinyoung scoffed. “You’re lying again.”

“I’m not-”

“You are. Friendship is when you help someone, because you trust that they would do the same for you. What you’re doing for me isn’t friendship. You don’t trust me anymore. If you have no expectations from me, then that’s charity!” Jinyoung spat out. Tears were brimming in his eyes and his voice was choked. “Is that what I am to you? Charity?”

You clenched your fists and let out a small, humourless laugh. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”

“What?”

“Where the fuck do you get off accusing me of treating you like charity? After what you did?” you snapped.

Jinyoung stared at you blankly. “Tell me.”

Your throat closed up. You didn’t want to talk about it. You didn’t want to drag yourself back to what had been the lowest point of your life, especially not in front of Jinyoung. You didn’t know who he was to you anymore. How could you open up to him?

“I can’t,” you muttered. “I don’t want to talk about it, Jinyoung.”

“Please,” Jinyoung whispered. “Please. At least tell me I was a terrible friend for not being there. Tell me I was a terrible friend for not even knowing about your mother.”

You took a deep breath and sat down, your knees feeling weak. You had never imagined that you would have to sit next to Jinyoung and say these words to him while he was drunk. Yet, as his dark eyes pierced into yours, he looked more sober than ever.

“It was my fault she died,” you whispered, shakily. “I know how hard my Mom worked to raise me. I know how much she struggled after my Dad passed away. The doctor told me her heart attack was probably caused by stress- years of it. She was growing old but she’d never even gone for a health check-up because we couldn’t afford it.”

Jinyoung stared at you silently.

“I needed someone to say this to back then,” you admitted quietly. “I needed someone who would listen to me and who wouldn’t try to convince me that it wasn’t my fault or that I didn't do anything wrong. That’s what everyone kept doing. They kept trying to comfort me but I just wanted someone who would listen. I wanted you,” you mumbled.

Jinyoung only nodded. His hands reached out to take both of yours. He grasped them tightly.

“I knew you were busy, but I always had this hope that maybe you would come to the funeral,” you whispered. “I thought… surely, whatever I did to make you cut me off, it wasn’t so bad that you wouldn't even turn up to my mother’s funeral. But the truth was that I couldn’t grieve properly because the hospital was hounding me about the bills, I…”

You took a deep breath. You hated thinking about those moments. You had felt so helpless and alone, backed into a corner. “I don’t think it even sank in that my mother was dead until a few days later,” you mumbled. “ I spent the first day wondering how the hell I was going to pay the hospital bills instead of thinking about her. Your mother tried comforting me, she told me it would all be fine and that she would call you for help.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes; tears were clinging to his eyelashes.

“She did,” he mumbled.

You felt the walls around you come crashing down as you looked at the broken man in front of you. You remembered how badly you’d wanted to see him then, how much you’d craved his comfort. You remembered how furious you had been when you realized that Jinyoung had abandoned you.

“I thought you would call,” you mumbled. “I didn’t want to disturb you but at the same time I trusted that you wouldn’t leave me alone at a time like that.”

Jinyoung’s voice was soft. “I’m sorry.”

“It would have been better if you hadn't done anything at all,” you mumbled. “Maybe then I could have forgotten about it in the mess that I was going through. But you didn’t. I got a call from your secretary the night before the funeral.”

Jinyoung lowered his head. His hands were trembling even as they held yours and you could hear his soft sniffle. “Shit,” he muttered, his voice thick with tears. “Shit, I can’t believe-”

“I thought you’d finally called. But it wasn’t you. I had to hear some strange woman tell me over the phone that Park Jinyoung is sorry he can’t make it to the funeral but he sends his condolences,” you choked out. You smiled humorlessly. “As if I was some distance acquaintance you barely knew. You sent me your condolences through your secretary.”

“I didn’t- I didn’t know it was you…”

“And then she told me that if I would just email her a copy of the hospital and funeral bills then all the expenses would be taken care of,” you mumbled. “She said that she could send me as much as I needed, no limit. I was so embarrassed. I wanted-I wanted to tell her that you could go fuck yourself and that I didn’t want your condolences and your money. I wanted to refuse so badly, but…”

You hung your head in shame. “But I couldn’t,” you whispered. “I couldn’t say that to her because it was true. I had no other way of paying those bills. So I sent her the details and I let you pay for them. Whether you know it or not, you paid for all my mother’s hospital bills and funeral while I sat here and wondered how I had become such a worthless daughter.”

Jinyoung’s hands clasped yours so tightly that it hurt. His shoulders were shaking and you could see the sobs racking his chest. “I didn’t mean to-” he sobbed. Jinyoung’s tears landed on your clasped hands. “I didn’t mean to, I swear…”

You slowly removed your hands from his. “I have the accounts,” you muttered. “I’ve been saving up to pay you back. It might take me a few more years but-”

Jinyoung flinched. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s not open to discussion, Jinyoung.”

“Don’t say you’ll pay me back, please-”

“I will pay you back,” you said firmly. You took a deep breath. “You know why? Because I might be able to forgive you for not being there when I needed you. But I will never, never forget how cheap I felt the moment I ended that phone call. So don’t talk to me about charity; I know how it feels to be on the other end of it.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. He felt light-headed and blank as he thought about everything you’d said. No wonder you didn’t consider him a friend. No wonder you couldn't bring yourself to be honest with him. No wonder there was something fake and forced about your every smile.

Jinyoung hadn’t just messed up.

He had destroyed something precious to him without even realizing it.

“It’s late,” you mumbled after a brief silence. “You should go to sleep. Here, just; make yourself comfortable on the couch and I’ll get you a blanket and some pillows.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I-I can’t…”

“You’re not going anywhere at this time of night while you’re drunk,” you told him. You pushed him lightly so that he leaned back against the sofa. “Stay put. I’ll be back. I think we’ve talked enough for tonight.”

“Can you just promise me one thing?” Jinyoung asked quietly.

“What’s that?”

“Even if you don’t consider me your friend anymore, even if you’re just being nice to me because you’re that kind of a caring person… don’t give up on me completely.” Jinyoung looked up at you desperately. “Please. Tell me that I can fix things. Tell me I haven’t broken our friendship and my life beyond repair.”

You looked down at him. Lying on your couch in his crumpled dress shirt and the beer stains, Jinyoung looked pathetic. Perhaps it was because you’d finally let out all the resentment you’d been bottling up for so long. Perhaps it was because, looking into Jinyoung’s eyes now, you could see that he did care. But you suddenly didn’t feel so hollow anymore.

You didn’t feel so lonely in your pain.

“Everything can be fixed, Jinyoung,” you told him softly.

“Even us?” he mumbled.

You nodded. “Even us.”

“Even me?”

“Especially you.”

Jinyoung slowly closed his eyes and you went into the other room to get him a spare pillow and a blanket. He let you place the pillow under his head and snuggled into the soft blanket. You turned to switch off the light when you heard him mumble.

“You know something?”

“What, Jinyoung?”

“I thought that the most unbearable thing about being fired from the company was all the effort I’d put into it. I thought I couldn’t bear it because I’d done so much for it for the years,” he said slowly.

You blinked at his curled up figure under the blanket.

“But it’s not?” you asked.

Jinyoung shook his head. “It’s not how much I’ve done for the company that I can’t bear. It’s how much I sacrificed for it.”

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