#'when there's a way to survive and then you choose death that's what idiots do'

[tls123]

holding these pages very, very close to my chest

[thedomesticanthropologist]

Astarions Agonies

Why WOULD you want to love someone after everything has been taken from you? Everything but your name. Everything but your name

Your sense of taste, the warmth of your skin, your own heartbeat. Your reflection in the mirror. Your home, your clothes, your friends, your family. Your history, memories, your life.

Stripped of all of this, left with only the ability to feel. Mentally. Physically. And then that, too, is broken. Because it cannot be taken, so it must be controlled.

Anyone you care for, murdered. And not just murdered, but you have to do it. You have to bring them to their death. Maybe you have to watch. So you protect yourself, you protect them- whoever they nay be, whoever they could have been. You cannot care. You cannot. The consequences are too high.

Your body, every touch you delight in is perverted by the same solemn end. How can you enjoy this, even as a distraction from the more violent touches you are forced to endure, when you are still being forced? You cannot choose the sweet, the kind, the gentle, for they meet the same fate as the cruel, the evil, the fools. Picking soft touches over harsh ones fades to picking at random, to grabbing whoever you can get. Because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It all ends the same way.

And then there is the pain. The Punishments. At first, tastes of who you are- who you can be, are traded out; exchanged for physical torment and 'correction' of your behavior. But the punishments so hea ily outweigh the benefits of a snide remark, a night out too late, a prank, a room visited after being informed it is off limits. A victim you refused to hand over.

This life- no, this Un-death allows for a greater torment than any living person could survive. Hunger, thirst, pain, psychological abuse, sexual abuse. Never, ever ending. There is not a second in the day for two hundred years that you are not watched, used, handled, beaten, starved. Even in your rest there is no relief, for you cannot sleep but only enter reverie- a skill wherein your mind re-lives what you have been through, over and over.

So why would you choose to try to love someone? Why try to trust? Why, when you know what happens when you do?

Perhaps you've been allowed to believe you made it out before, only to have been captured and dragged back. Perhaps you've been allowed to believe a friend or a lover has escaped before, only to be called into a room and advised to clean up their corpse.

The only difference now is the sun on your skin.

The distance between you and that place.

The days, and days, and days that begin to pass with no retribution for your insolence, for your escape.

And these people, these idiots keep... not trying to kill you. Even when they find out what you are. One of them keeps looking at you like they might really care. You can use that, can't you?

Why would you love, when you could use their love to get your revenge?

But... in the wee hours of the morning, in the arms of a living, breathing person who has bedded you more than once and still is not gone forever, you think... maybe, maybe He didn't take it All from you.

Maybe even if he did, you could get it back.

Maybe you could love.

Maybe you could... try living, again.

[mhsdatgo]

Since GOT they’ve been using rape and abuse to humble or break a woman/Girl because they aren’t the “right” kind of woman. They don’t ride a dragon or yield a sword. They don’t fight against their period typical role in life that they were born and raised in. They’re not “A guys girl” or the “I don’t have any girl friends, they’re too much drama” types who prefer the company of men to women, who would rather train with a sword and not learn embroidery. They don’t have dialogue that vaguely sounds more 21st century than Middle Ages.

These women are seen as of less value than our little dragon riding, sword and fist fighting tomboys. So they need to be taught that if you had just been more like this or more like that you wouldn’t have been brutalized and abused. The things that were done to you by other people is all your fault and you deserved it.

This show/franchise is not even in the same room as feminism.

👏👏👏 Nothing more to add anon. No lie was told.

The sad thing is, this is not what I got from the books of asoiaf at all. Women's experience was never told in juxtaposition to others. There is no humbling or brutalizing other women as a "punishment" for not being better, more rebellious, or bolder than others. The books tell stories of suffering and that's it. The way shows and fandoms decide to try and force other characters into another one's story for the sole purpose of comparing them so they prove that stanning one means having a moral high ground over another character's stans is the most idiotic thing to ever have happened among fandoms, to say the least. Especially when the two characters in question don't even know each other.

Just look at the way Sansa and Dany are treated in the fandom. Have a shot for every time Sansa in King's Landing is called a tradwife as if this wasn't a girl in middle school trying to survive they're talking about, or for every time she's called jealous of Dany. Imagine if a stranger girl with three dragons cames knocking on your door demanding that you and all of your people and their mama bend the knee to her and you are the jealous one and the villain because you just... Don't? Also, you deserve to be threatened with death when you pose a reasonable question, and you need to take it and be better and shut up. Then you're a "girls' girl" deserving of respect, etc.

We want strong female characters to think for themselves, except when that "thinking for oneself" isn't the same thing as kissing the ground the fan favourite girl walks on.

If only fandoms paid more mind to what makes a character likeable or unlikeable in their eyes BASED ON THE CHARACTER ITSELF, and not on their perspective on their faves, interacting with them would be way more fun. Books/shows like asoiaf/GOT or F&B/HotD aren't places where you just choose a character you like and that's it, she's an icon she's a legend and she is the moment. If it was, it would either be a story for kids or a hell for Mare Sues' fans. As long as you treat asoiaf characters like deities that can do no wrong and everyone else as villains in need of redemption, you should step back and read something else.

This is something that needs to be accepted even between writers and directors, btw. Just look at what F&B was turned into. Girlboss vs Girlfail. Blacks got the Girlboss, the virtuous rightful heir, good mother fine ruler, Greens' got the Girlfail, the rape enabler, the boy mom, the tradwife, you name it.

No, it doesn't matter that the latter is doing everything she can possibly do. She was a piece of shit the moment she stopped toiling behind the former because everyone is meant to be like or kneel before girlboss with dragon. Only then are your ambitions respectable. If not, fuck you, you're nothing. Everything that happens to you is your fault. I'll be in the front seats cheering for when everything you love is ripped brutally from you.

Even when your grown-up son rapes a maid. Even when girlboss with dragon threatens to put your people to the torch because you won't bend the knee.

TL;DR: There's no need to compare/stone certain female characters for being what they are instead of a completely different type. If all of them were tomboyish with swords or feminine with embroidery, it would be boring. You aren't better than anyone for having preferences. Also, learn how to blame men when they fuck up. It's great for the bowel.

[aleksanderscult]

I loved your analysis! Can you analyse the (barely there, not enough) Darklina scenes from the KOS duology? I could not rationalize some of what was going on there.

First of all, I'm so sorry for taking that long to reply, anon! (Hasn't it been over two weeks since you send this or what??😭😭)

Second, thank you so much for your kind words! 💗💗

Third, you and I both friend 🤝🤝

'Cause honestly I didn't know what the fuck was happening in that interaction too 😭

I'll actually analyze the only Darklina scene we got in RoW. But if you want another one too, just send me an ask!

So! Let's dive in and analyze that hot mess, shall we?

(note: I had to go back and read this scene very carefully in order to understand what the actual fuck they were saying💀)

⚠️TW!: PTSD, trauma⚠️

The way he's so obedient with her even in this life 😭

If somebody else had ordered him to do that, he wouldn't obey. But Alina? Alina is a different story and this is the first time he hears her voice since his death in R&R.

'Any little victory'

Uhh....okay...??

You made him wipe his feet. I'm.... impressed??

(confusion levels 📉)

LMAO MY BOY WOKE UP AND CHOSE VIOLENCE

I always believed that the dynamic between Aleksander and Alina involves lots of teasing. But not in the fun sense. But in the sense of "I'm getting under your skin. My words to you sting".

And that's what the Darkling does here too. He's a prisoner. Their prisoner. So he tries to gain the upper hand by using his wits, his past with Alina and the latter's trauma against her to get even.

Pretty clever, huh?

See what I mean?

He tries to weaken her confidence and it's interesting that back in Keramzin he also tried to get even (and he did) by killing her mother figure.

Aleksander: "Wanna fuck with me? Wanna mess with me? How about that time when I burnt that orphanage and killed your "mother"?"

*Alina's sure confidence is gone and now the Darkling has the upper hand in her feelings*

OUTSTANDING MOVE 👌

Excuse me, Misha? Who the Hell gave you the permission to interrupt or talk at all??

Also, do you really expect from the Darkling to remember a little boy while he was too busy trying to rule a nation, win a war and persuade Alina to join him?

And if you also expect him to remember you from that time when Baghra went out to confront her son while you escorted her, then you're also wrong. 'Cause he was too busy being furious that his mother sided and helped the opposite side and too busy being distraught because he was watching her fall to her death.

You're not important, son.

Sit down.

LMAO THIS IS SO HILARIOUS

Misha you're still an infant. Please shut up.

I honestly liked him in the Grisha Trilogy (I found him a cutie) but now I want to slap him and everyone else in this duology except Aleksander

The Darkling has survived numerous murdering attempts against him. He was finally killed by Alina not because of some grand display of her powers but because the former was so heartbroken by Alina's fate (and his own because he would be alone) that he just gave up on his life. Basically he committed suicide.

Misha, you wouldn't be able to kill him even now that he's powerless and in chains. Probably you would stumble and fall in the effort or smth.

Uhh actually no, Mal.

Threating him only makes you sound like idiots, honestly.

Also, since when did Mal gained ✨wisdom✨?

Wasn't he the hot-tempered one in the trilogy who always got angry with the mere mention of the Darkling? And the one who wanted to kill him as well?

Alina, you know damn well what his name is.

Honestly, I think she didn't say it because she wanted to respect the fact that he trusted her to keep it.

And I agree that Yuri is a horrible name for him. Makes him seem like a fisherman 😭

Meanwhile Alina in S&B:

So either Bardugo kinda forgot these scenes or we're led to believe that these scenes weren't her being happy, but we thought she was happy.

(me casually ignoring that theory because I choose to believe only the things that MAKE SENSE)

The fact that Bardugo made Alina believe that she was unhappy when she was whole with her powers and surrounded by people like her but totally happy now that she has no powers (a part of her soul actually) and living with a man that slut-shamed her in a toxic, childhood place is umm... yeah. Not good.

So basically:

Aleksander: "You look different. You look like shit. What the fuck did they do to you? This is not you"

Alina: "No bro I'm happy now that I live in toxic conditions where the teachers mock me, Mal takes me out for a walk to forget my psychological traumas and I raise some Grisha children that will fade because they don't use their powers and some others that I probably am in no condition to raise. At least that's what the author said is happiness, bro."

Aleksander: "......."

Alina: "......"

The readers: "........."

ALEKSANDER IS HONESTLY ALL OF US FRR WITH HIS LINES

"In peace"

Yeah, having PTSD certainly is peaceful. And knowing that you abandoned your country and left its fate to chance certainly makes you sleep like a baby at night.

"We chose the life we wanted"

Alina, you didn't CHOOSE to lose your powers. And before that you didn't even know what you wanted to do with your life. It was a last minute decision for you.

"I fell pray to the same greed that drove you"

Girl, are we the only ones who did our homework??

In his POV in RoW he confirmed that he tampered with merzost in the past because he wanted to stop Ravka's wars. So as far as we know he never used power exclusively for himself.

"I paid the price for tampering with merzost"

Now hold a second. I thought that the reason Alina lost her powers is because Morozova wanted that said power to be shared by any otkazat'sya around. It wasn't that much of a punishment as much as a need for Morozova to share that power.

Unless it was..... both?

I just want a guy that will believe in me and my abilities the way Aleksander does with Alina, man 😭

He strongly believes that she could become a Queen even without her powers. And he's actually so right when he says to her that her wounds won't heal. Because no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you are alright. No matter how hard you try to persuade your mind that you're not broken, reality will always hit you. Some wounds never heal and Alina's certainly will not. She didn't lose a toy, she lost a part of her soul and witnessed many die. How the hell does she think she's suitable to raise children, when she herself is NOT okay psychologically?

"In the wake of your wars"

Excuse me. Why is the Fjerdan and Shu wars always the Darkling's fault??

"And maybe when our country is free, then that wound will close"

She sounds so brainwashed bye--

And just like I said, wounds like that never close unfortunately. It can only become more bearable with time. But not forgetable.

Ah yes. Bardugo makes us watch how cute their relationship is.

Am I supposed to take off my camera and snap pictures of them whispering with tears in my eyes: "They look so adorable"?

'Cause I won't.

The way Bardugo has made Mal unfazed by the Darkling's comments. A thing that completely contrasts his nature in the Grisha trilogy.

He also made him have "sassy" lines because we've got to like him somehow, right? 🤗

Still hate him

Basically, dear anon, the author has made Mal more "likeable", immune to the Darkling's insults, patient and witty in order for us to change our mind about him and finally like him.

(mission failed btw)

He is literally nothing like his trilogy counterpart and, if possible, she made him more annoying.

(how the hell she managed to do that, I don't know)

I just feel sorry for Aleksander who has to deal with all these jerks. If I were there, I would have helped him kill them and bury their bodies.

Because you let your heart and feelings get the better of you, Aleksander. Because you proved to be the most human of all these characters here. You let her come close. And that's what killed you.

(also, shut up Misha)

Alina, you could have said "no" to that invitation. So stop acting like they dragged you from the hair here.

"Do you think you could manage it?"

Do you, Alina? 'Cause really, what did YOU do to make the lives of Grisha better? At least he built a palace for them.

"It's not like you didn't get a fair try before. Hundreds of tries"

Yeah, and half of them failed because you got in the way. You refused to listen to him and, even if you didn't like the way he dealt with the persecution, you chose to run away (again) instead of deciding to stay and do better.

SHE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT ZOYA AND NIKOLAI COULD DO BETTER LMAO 😭😭

Zoya, the very fact that he mentioned you should feel like a badge of honor.

And yet Ravka is in its worst condition ever.

Sorry Alina but I don't see shit from them.

The fact that the Darkling keeps mentioning that he's eternal is to remind them that he has seen everything and done everything. He has more experience than they will ever have. Not to gloat about it. And yet Alina takes it as the latter.

And it's funny that Alina turns him down for the job saying he has no powers when Alina herself suffers from the same condition 😀

Finally someone with self-reflection.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!!

PREACH!! PREACH!! 👏👏

When you have the "villain" exposing the true problem in the story, the flaws and failures while having the heroes screaming "EVERYTHING IS FINE. YOU'RE WRONG!" then you know that something is wrong.

How the Hell are they gonna provide eternal peace in Ravka and to the Grisha when:

They have no experience

They are too busy criticizing the villain instead of looking at their own flaws

They doubt themselves

(you can add to the list, guys)

And he's not shaken because he's talking with a Saint, Zoya. He's shaken because he's talking to Alina. She always had a way in getting under his skin. He said it.

"Fine. Make me your villain" fits here 'cause he never perceived himself as the bad guy but he knew that this is what others thought of him.

I think it still stung to him to know that others saw his every action in a negative light but he still kept going. And sometimes he even used it (at the end of R&R).

Alina still wants to believe that there's something redeemable inside him. Her POVs were always the "kindest" in the way they painted the Darkling.

MISHA COULD YOU PLEASE SHUT IT

What about his mother, huh??

Who, despite the abuse he suffered from her, he still cared about??

Alina?? Oh boy, he was in love with her, obsessed and gave her so many chances. Something that he almost never does unless he's desperate.

So PRETTY PLEASE STOP TALKING

Meanwhile the Darkling in R&R, chapter 11:

"I have regretted many of the things I’ve had to do in this war."

So either Bardugo forgot that or Alina did or Aleksander changed his mind.

Or (my theory) Bardugo changed his perception in order for us to feel less sympathetic towards him.

Nevertheless, at least he has a spine and knows where he stands.

And Alina wanted the Darkling to say it not for him but for her. So she can feel okay. Unless Zoya is talking bullshit.

YES ALEKSANDER WHY DIDN'T YOU LIE SO OUR HEROINES COULD FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES???!!

HOW DARE YOU?? 😠😠

He tries so hard to persuade her that the reality she lives in will not pay off anything. First off, this is not who she is or what she was meant to become and second, why does she teaches children stories that are lies? Feeding them false hope, repeating a circle that others had also been doing.

"Do you *really* believe..."

He wants to make sure that she stands by that. He just can't believe that this is her opinion. Her choice.

He just wants her to shine people!! 😭😍

"Those stories tell us the only people who matter are Kings and Queens. They're wrong"

Now tell me, Alina, which stories do YOU tell them? What do you teach them? That the world is as rosy as the orphanage they live in, where they only eat sugar and play the piano? Do you imagine what kind of reality check will those children get once they live in the real world?

And here, ladies and gentlemen, we see the Darkling having reached his limits and saying "Fuck this shit I'm out"

Congratulations, Aleksander! You survived that meeting with these buffoons and their groundless arguments!! 👏👏

Here, have this! 🏅

He saw his chance (Alina holding Mal's hand) and seized it. But I think he really meant all those questions he asked to Alina.

So, dear anon, what we have here is the villain making his effort (again) to be heard and understood. He tries to make them see his own point of view: Ravka is in serious danger and Zoya and Nikolai are in no position to protect it. He, on the other hand, can since he has more experience and balls to deal with these issues. The Darkling is no pussy. He truly makes hard decisions when he must, something that essentially all rulers must do when the situation calls for it.

But! We have the good guys silencing him and threating him (even having a little child to do the last one) in order for the reader to understand what he has left in his wake. How much pain he has caused.

Mal has gotten ✨magically✨ wiser and calmer and has actual wits to repel the Darkling's insults in order for us to get to like Mal and see how much he has changed.

Alina sounds like a brainwashed woman who is convinced that her lifestyle is great! That wanting something more (idk. a throne and changing the world maybe) is sinful and unfitting of her.

Aleksander is the only one who thinks otherwise for her, though. Thank God, I mean!

He sought Alina out both to reclaim his powers and because he just wanted to see her.

Personally, in this scene only the Darkling makes sense. The others either want to feel good about themselves by threating him or want to convince him that "Hey, we're the good ones here. We know what we're doing, okay?" and his own ways are shit.

Dear anon, if you have any other questions or want me to analyze any other Darklina scene from this book or duology that I didn't include, then just say so!

And please any others who want to add something about this scene, feel free to criticise in the comments! 💛💛

[ineffably-human]

This is a pirate story.

Like everyone you'll meet for a long, long time, you don't come to this life because you choose it. You become a pirate to stay alive, and you spend every day of that life pushing forward to the next one, with your teeth bared. You survive out of spite, surrounded by death. You watch death delivered again and again, to stronger and weaker men alike, as you push forward in a world that tells you it's a battle just to exist.

You find an island of survival with someone as lost as you are. Like you, he has no one, so you teach him what knowledge you've managed to gather. He quickly surpasses you, able to think and command in the ways you can't. But his mind is strange and it wanders; he follows stray whims. His mood lifts and falls like the tide. You know how to be steady, to be blunt and rough in turns, to dig in when he needs an anchor. So you learn to work together - and you thrive.

He takes a command and his name becomes legend, and you, you're his second. This is your job now, and you're the only one who can do it. You're the only one who can move him, the only one that understands him. You know that one day you'll get your reward, acknowledgment for your role, something that's not just attached to his name. But maybe it doesn't even matter - because there's a place for you beside him, and you know where you fit. As long as this is yours, then you know who you are.

And then the tide shifts. He's temperamental, searching for a new life while you're still focused on keeping this one afloat. And someone catches his eye, some idiot pretender who's too lucky to die. You grasp after them, violent, trying to yank him back as this latest novelty pulls him away. You spit an oath: 'I'm not dying, not for your new toy and not for you.'

You have to stomp out anything that intrudes on the place you've made, so he survives, so you survive. But he's bored and you're angry, and no one fears you, and the rules have changed. The pretender lives, where any other man should have rightfully died, and you're displaced. And every minute you're gone, you know he moves farther and farther from you, lured by fancy things and mannered voices, by play-pretend cartoon versions of the real things he earned.

They're things he earned by being diamond-brilliant and seeing with vision you don't have, things you earned with your hand guiding him back on course. It's a course you can't find anymore, not without firing shots. You'll sign a deal with the devil in order to find the means. But when the gunsmoke clears he's already gone, and your face hurts where he struck you.

He returns before long - abandoned by the shiny, stupid whimsy that pulled him in, just like you knew he would be. But he just breaks harder from it, and resolves to keep breaking. It's a fate worse than death - it's a stranger in his body, in someone else's gaudy clothes. That stranger's naked pain, their softness, their weakness. It's choking the life out of him, leaving you with a perfumed shadow that weeps for someone who never deserved him.

You pull him back with abuse and threats; you smile when you realize you can still draw the rage back out of him. You bleed for it, and that feels all the better. You know this terrain, you know how the ship rocks in the waves and moves under your feet. You know how to temper the eyes that glare at you in the dark, just as you always have.

You've done right. You've done it for the both of you.

--

His poison spreads in his veins. Then it bleeds up to the surface, and keeps spreading. It turns to something uglier still: crueler, more desperate, a fire that consumes everything and you're the one who lit the match.

You've earned his hate, but you can bear it. You need to keep his eyes on you, not so he doesn't drift, but so no one else is wounded. He keeps cutting pieces off of you. He keeps demanding you go, and go, and never stop, like a whirlpool that spirals down to the bottom of the world.

(In the fugue of those endless days, sometimes you feel arms gripping you tight because they can tell how you're coming apart. You aren't ready to feel them yet; you aren't ready to think about what they mean.)

You find yourself speaking of love, asking him to use his words - even though you've never known how to make love or words sit in your mouth. You almost die once, twice. You're suddenly begging for death where living was the deepest pride you had. But you're not done yet - you're not done, something won't let you be done - because you know you have to drag yourself upright and put a stop to the monster you fed.

Only you can do this, only you should do it. Because every time he asked you to let him change, to soften, to die you still refused. And now there's only one end to this.

Suddenly, you know what a fate worse than death really is.

You still can't bear to get rid of his body.

Then like some twisted miracle, that man reappears. The man who is everything you hate, so pampered and thoughtlessly gentle, comes out of the sea to view the havoc you wrought.

You lie to him for the sake of the crew, sure he'd never be able to handle what his absence helped create. But he knows. He understands this person that only you understood. He knows what's been done and why it had to happen. He knows the most important thing is that everyone else survives. He waits until they're safe before he lets himself feel the pain.

He loves this man you nearly destroyed, even now. He loves him enough to wake the dead, in a world where death is as common as breathing. How is his soft, stupid heart still alive, in this world that nearly broke the rest of you? He's stronger than you thought, somehow. He's stronger than you, and maybe he always was - the only man who ever chose this hard, ugly life.

They vanish somewhere ashore to start healing, and you're left alone with yourself and all the things you've gotten wrong. You have lost so much blood and pounds of flesh. Your fangs are blunted in your mouth, and when you ask your reflection who he is, it doesn't have an answer.

--

And then, they answer for you.

Your crew helps you stand again, bolstered by pieces of the ship you tried to blow apart. Their ship is part of you now. You're part of them, now. They didn't have to, and you don't deserve it, and the new leg they help you stand on shouldn't bear your weight.

It holds anyway. Love is stronger than you thought. You let yourself cry for the second time in weeks, the second time in decades.

Suddenly the world is wider, and there are people in it. You drink and bicker, you shape wood into art and pain into half-truth. (You say: 'I lost my leg feeding sea monsters where I should have let them sleep. Stupid of me, reckless of me.') Sometimes you laugh, and you're surprised when there's no edge in it.

You drink again, it's quite a lot of drinking. But it's to move forward to tomorrow, not to keep still. You still refuse to stop moving.

You relearn yourself, how to move with new grace. You teach what you know to the man you hated, and understand that it's still part of you, that you didn't lose it when you shed the rotting flesh that no longer served you. You watch and you listen, guarding the world they gave back to you, walking with a limb made from the wood that keeps them afloat. Even when you're silent, you heal together, not apart.

The man you hated becomes more than you ever expected. The man you loved finds more peace than you could ever give him. There are things you still have to tell him, someday when you know the words, when you know how to be the person who says them. For now they still burn in your throat, but you're learning you can be other things.

You paint your eyes and lips, and you don't feel weak, you feel brave. You feel beautiful, feel seen, in ways you didn't know you could be seen. You'd never realized before, just how much you'd wanted everyone to see you.

Your ribs crack and a voice comes out, a song you didn't know you had - or that you buried a long time ago. The ship is decked in flowers and fairy lights, and you help create something beautiful where the darkness used to live.

The crew hears your song and they dance to it, they make love to it. They call out for another one. You tell them that you have one more.

---

You deny there are storms on the horizon. You can't change the weather, you can only point towards clearer skies. You're trying to let them be the ones to steer.

The storms come anyway. You became a pirate to stay alive, took to the sea because there was no chance for you on land. But part of the world still wants people like you gone. It won't let you rest.

A man comes for your ship and your port, for your people. He comes with fancy things and mannered voices, with play-pretend cartoon dreams that cut him where he didn't expect it. He treated this life like a plaything, and it scarred him, so he's decided to burn it down.

He's the kind of man that has everything and still wants more. The kind that insist the world be a certain way and, for those who refuse, meets them with gunfire and irons. He asks to speak with you, only you, sits with you at the table and looks you in the eye like you could ever be one of his. And he says, 'don't you want to be honored for all you've done? For the world to know exactly who you are?'

And you answer, because you have one more song in you.

---

This is a pirate story:

You're more than your mistakes or the things you've lost, more than the voice that said you had to be cruel to live another day. You're more than the grasping, ugly part of you that needed power and rage in order to be seen.

You're part of something immortal: something that builds family out of refugees and love out of poison, that can never be controlled. It's something so much bigger than you, but it will never leave you, not even if they shoot down every last one of you. Because dying is easy, and living is instinct. But enduring, saying you're here and you always will be, is -

For once, you're not fighting to live or begging to die. You're bigger than both. You're exactly what you need to be.

You are good. You can have good, you can make good. You'd never believed that before, but you only had to reach out and decide it. It was always there for you, waiting.

They will always try to break you, but they can't take that from you. They can't take it from the ones you love. It exists until the end of the world.

---

Some of your jailers die poisoning themselves. Others, you cut down in the escape.

When the gun goes off, you know what's happened before you even feel the wound in your gut. But you don't tell them. You will not slow them down. You wait until they're safe before you let yourself feel the pain.

You're not even angry. Maybe you'd have lived if you were angrier, maybe you'd have stood further back or just not been there at all. Maybe you'd have made another deal with the devil, when they asked. But it feels so good, for once, to not be angry.

You know you need to tell him. There's no more time. You'll have to be the kind of person who can make the words come, in front of all of them.

You held him back, kept him from the peace he wanted. You needed him too much to let him go. But he deserves everything he ever wanted. There are people waiting to love him, even if they don't have to, even if he doesn't deserve it. He just needs to realize they're waiting, to reach out and let them.

They'll love him better than you ever knew how to love him, to love yourself. They'll let him be whatever he needs to be.

He cries for you, even after everything. You look up to where the crew has gathered, and you realize - most of your life, you always thought you'd die alone...

You've seen death a hundred times, lived in a world where it sat constant at your heels. You've outfought it, and begged for it. You've learned there are things far worse.

You wouldn't have looked for death, if you'd lived through this. It's not that you're eager to go. You're just...ready.

---

Yes, there's a version of this story where your body survives - where you take revenge with the others and take back what part of the waves you can grasp. Until you're old enough to misstep and fall in the next raid, perhaps. (You doubt you'd ever truly want to settle, not if you had a choice.)

There's a version of the story where you're a spirit that lives in the ship's secret passages. Where you're a bird that follows the waves. There's a story where your soul haunts the fledgling inn where they buried you, watching over him even now as he learns what he's capable of.

There's a version of the story where you're a grave and a memory. You're a voice he imagines when he drifts, steering him towards clear skies. You're a song stuck in their heads. You endure in the way the lucky endure: a piece of you that sits in whoever misses you.

There are no versions of this story where you really die, any more than piracy dies. Maybe he would have died - the man you were before, who stood apart from the world, who knew he'd die alone. But not who you've become. You can learn to rest, but you can never be killed.

Some things are too big and important to die. Some things are fucking indestructible.

[miss0atae]

Random thoughts about Dead Friend Forever the series episode 10 :

I finally could watch the latest episode and it was great as always. I’m truly enjoying every moments. You never get bored and they always manage to grab your attention so you’ll want to see the next episode.

▪️ Phee finally revealed the truth to Jin about everything he planned with Tan/New when joining the group. It seems Phee is not on board anymore with whatever Tan/New wants to do to know what happens to his brother if the results is more death. Phee always had this guilt about Non and he wanted to have answer but he draws the line at killing others to know it. I understand why. They have different motives in this quest. I would also said how his feelings for Jin made him rethink his “partnership” with Tan/New. Now, he wants to put an end to Tan/New’s schemes before it gets to crazy. I do agree with @mikuni14 about how it makes sense they forgave each other. We have to see them as a pair now. Phee said again how he will protect Jin and I don’t think it’s a coincidence. Now they admitted they had feelings for each other, so they will try to get out together or they would die together. I don’t think, it would be another way for them in the future.

▪️ Back in the house, White convinced Tee to not use the gun against Fluke and Top. We could say it’s the power of love. Tee really is listening to what White has to say. I also gave him the gun and it’s again a proof of how he trusts his boyfriend. There is one thing annoying me in this scene and it’s how long it took Tee to stop pointing his gun at the Fluke or Top. No one can just stand there pointing a gun for so long without making a mistake. But anyway, that’s not important. My favorite boy, White is more intelligent than any of these idiots because he was the first one to question the so-called possession of Top and to recognize he was acting like he is high. Of course, Fluke and Tee didn’t really listen. Then, there was a fight between Fluke and Tee about Non.

▪️ Phee and Jin, after spending a lot of time going around in circle in the forest (apart from losing the ax in front of the house, I’m still trying to find what it means for them to have spend that amount of time going in circles. There must be a reason!) came back to the house and stopped Fluke and Tee from fighting. It became the grand moment of reveal about the true identity of Tan. I laughed a bit when Tee didn’t really reacted when the name New was said. Those guys never cared for Non and his life. They didn’t even know the name of his brother. They just used him and tossed him after it. It was only Jin who liked him and even his love was not enough for him to actually do something to help him (quick aside about how I was socked to learn he knew about Non having a boyfriend… How?! Did he saw the phone calls? I can’t seem to remember when he would have learn about that). Tan/New tried to deny but Phee admitted he told everything to Jin. I think if anything happens to Phee in the coming episodes it’s because he did revealed Tan’s identity. Maybe Tan/New had suspicious about Phee before, but he never did anything to him and gladly accepted his help. Now, things may change because Phee choose to side with Jin and Tan/New really saw it at this time.

▪️ Fluke decided it was the moment to act like stupidly again and took the gun from White to threaten him with it. I don’t know why he is always the one to torment White but it’s really starting to piss me off. Among all of them, White is still, so far, the only innocent person in this house. Tee, again, was really scared for him. It’s really hard to accept that he was a terrible person to Non, but at the same time he is ready to die for White if it means saving him. That’s the moment Top decided to free himself and he died. I won’t say I will miss him because it’s a miracle he survived until now. I thought he would have died before. Better him than my favorite character. Finally, we got the confession from Tee. He brought Non to his Uncle. Non was then beaten black and blue by his Uncle’s minions and he asked them to get rid of them and find any excuses to explain their disappearance. We already knew something like that happen so it wasn’t exactly fresh news for us. Tee admitted to everyone he has no idea what happened to Non after. I felt mostly sad for White because he discovered his considerate and loving boyfriend is not what he seems to be. It must hurt a lot. Jin and Tan/New vented their anger at Tee after learning the truth. Only thing I really appreciated from Fluke is how he stopped Tee from playing the victim card to make excuses for what he did. It’s not like he had no idea about what his Uncle was doing or what could happen to Non. You don’t have to be a genius to know.

▪️ Now what is very interesting is the preview for the next episode. I don’t know how they do it but the always manage to keep you hooked for the next one. It seems like Non is still alive and was working at Tee’s Uncle hidden place. Tee knows it and said he will help Non. The scene seems to be after the beating of Non, so why did he say he had no idea what happens to Non? I don’t like this small apparition of White in the preview. What does it mean? Does he know about Non too? Does it have nothing to do with anything? It’s in the past so it must mean something… Also, Tee gave Non an envelop. What is inside? Is it a way to get the hell away from this place? Is it money? If Non is alive why has he not tried to contact his brother/family (he may not know his parents are dead… or maybe he knows, couldn’t find New because he was masquerading as Tan at that time and thought he was alone… Or something else...) This preview is raising so much more questions. What is Tan/New going to do now? They can’t stay much longer in the house. Will they try to find Non? I think Tan/New is going to get crazy and kill all of them because what else can he do at that point?

I really love this series. It’s a pleasure to watch but also debate about it. All the theories or thoughts about it are also really fun to read. Next Saturday won’t come fast enough.

[lady-byleth]

YTTD does something really really interesting with the Sara/Keiji dynamic that I absolutely adore: namely that whenever it - or specifically Keiji's side in it - is questioned, the game itself provides the answers without directly stating them

In chapter 1 we all sat there like "why is this whole ass adult who is 10 years older than Sara and, allegedly, a fucking COP, putting this literal 17 year old wannabe samurai in charge of their survival?"

Chapter 2 reveals he can literally see what's going on inside a person at as little as a glance, an ability he inadvertently teaches Sara to emulate. So obviously he'd put the person with the coolest head in charge, even if it's a high school student, cuz he doesn't trust himself for shit. At first it's, as Kai says, cuz she and Joe can vouch for each other but once he gets to know and can start to read her? She's the boss now.

Does he actually trust her or is he just using her? Chapter 2 comes in with the steel chair of "oh he doesn't trust her cuz he doesn't trust himself, but he WANTS to trust her and he genuinely cares for her. Look how he tries to keep her hallucinations in check cuz he understands this situation, look how he opens up to her after realising he hurt her, look how he is literally putting his life in her hands by giving her the Keymaster". Like, yeah, he's not someone who can trust easily, and he definitely started this game using her, but he's clearly making an effort when he doesn't have to and the game doesn't need to spell it out to make it obvious.

The plan didn't require for Sara to have the Keymaster, they just have to know where it is, but he hands it to Sara. "This is my life, please take good care of it". Especially poignant after Sara told him that getting someone to trust you requires trusting them first. He hurt her by showing he doesn't trust her but she's made it clear she does trust him and now he wants to earn that trust by giving her his own, no matter how hard that is for him.

Why does he still constantly lie to her? Cuz Sara can't lie for shit, he says so himself, the game shows it constantly. "Do you have the sacrifice?" "*most obvious reaction on the fucking planet*" She literally can't lie if her life depends on it so he does it for her. She can't lie about something she doesn't know the truth of and he's very good at lying.

Oh no, there's ONE human from Asunaro in the group?! The thing they've been afraid of since the first floor has been confirmed on floors 4 and 5?! It can't be Kai anymore, he's dead. It can't be Q-taro, he's way too open about his orphanage being managed by Asunaro. Reko or Alice? Yeah, unlikely. Gin or Kanna/Sou? Yeah, get real. That leaves Keiji, right? WRONG. It's Hinako, and cuz Floor Masters can't lie, there is now NO humans from Asunaro within the group.

Does he actually care about her or just her ability to save them? Well, first off, during the Sub-Game, if you loose Spirit Shutter with him he tries to get the dolls to kill him first. Then during the doll house he risks his and Q-taro's plan for the Banquet two times for Sara and chooses death for her.

After Ranmaru's fake announcement he abandons all stealth to make sure she's safe and his freak out over her falling unconscious was not faked. And then during the Banquet he risks exposing himself by trying to reassure her over the radio. Both of these are profoundly idiotic things to do if his main goal was to keep as many alive as possible. It's not tho, he's out to protect Sara above all and what happens to him in that doesn't matter.

Not to mention that Ranmaru accusing him of being the reason Sara is there in the first place is the one time he completely drops the blasé act cuz doing something to hurt Sara is something he just can't see himself do.

And full disclosure, I doubt he is even cognizant that he's slipped into this. He saw her cry once and then all bets were off, big brother/dad mode engage, all hands on deck, baby girl must be protected at a costs.

Hell, he would rather die by extremely painful execution than let Sara live with the guilt of killing Gin for him. And, being the Curious Cat that I am, I have tried to do just that to see what happens. The answer is, nothing happens. You can try multiple times and Keiji will stop Sara from going through with it every single time. At that point he has no idea he's actually safe because Q-taro's in his coffin, but he calmly tells Sara that it's okay. He literally chooses death to keep her hands clean.

And that the most manipulative members of the cast make it a point to mention again and again how precious Sara is to him, and that it's also mentioned multiple times that he's the one Sara trusts the most is another can of worms all together.

The only times Midori's manipulations of Sara actually affect her enough to waver are because he threatens Keiji to get to her and if no one had interfered - Ranmaru first and Keiji the last time - it would have ended badly for her in more ways than one.

It just gets me that despite everything, the trust issues and lies and fear, Sara and Keiji are a package deal now, basically were a package deal the moment they met

And I absolutely adore them

Thank you for coming to my tedtalk

[midnightstargazer]

y'all know I like Regulus morally gray, prejudiced, etc. If you didn't know that (hi, new followers!), now you do. But I also like him redeemable. I'm all for dragging that boy out of the lake, forcing him to live, and making him deal with the fallout of realizing he was on the wrong side.

But... why Regulus?

By that I don't mean why Regulus and not [insert other morally gray character here], because I don't do the "only my problematic fave is valid" thing. More like why Regulus and not Random Death Eater #5? For a character with such a small role in canon, what makes Regulus specifically so appealing? Because I do think there are reasons he's gotten to be so popular.

First of all, he's not a complete unknown. He's Sirius's brother, and Sirius is a popular character. Also, because he's Sirius's brother, we know a whole lot about his childhood and family. Several chapters in books 5 and 7 are spent in the house where he grew up, and we even see inside his bedroom. There's nowhere near that amount of insight into the backstories of Mulciber, Avery, Rosier, etc.

Being raised by Orion and Walburga probably wins him some sympathy points, as well. While he was apparently the favorite son, it still can't have been pleasant to grow up around such unpleasant people.

When Sirius discusses his family, he is critical of Regulus, but he speaks about him in much softer terms than their parents or Bellatrix. He calls him an "idiot" for joining the Death Eaters and suggests that he was influenced by their parents' ideology. He notably doesn't call him cruel or evil, and given how blunt he is about the rest of the family's shortcomings, it wouldn't seem out-of-place if he did. I know I'm not the only one who interprets his description of Regulus as being just a little bit affectionate, in a begrudging sort of way.

By the way, what did Regulus actually do as a Death Eater? We don't really know. He definitely 1) joined, 2) expressed blood purist views, 3) loaned Kreacher to Voldemort, and 4) betrayed Voldemort. Other than that, anything goes. Which also means that he didn't necessarily kill anyone, use the Unforgivable Curses, etc. Each individual fic writer can pretty much pick and choose to what extent they want him to be guilty of typical Death Eater crimes. (My Regulus is pathetically bad at the Cruciatus Curse for exactly this reason.)

Also, he's not just a blood purist and a Death Eater; he's given positive qualities, too. He's courageous, clearly. He's willing to die rather than keep serving Voldemort after losing his faith in him. He's got a bit of hubris in thinking he could handle the Horcrux all on his own, but it's oddly mixed with humility, realizing that he won't be the one to kill Voldemort and being content to simply make it possible for someone else to do so.

And then there's Kreacher. No, I don't think Regulus was some sort of proto-SPEW activist campaigning for house-elf rights in between Death Eater meetings. But he did drink the potion himself rather than ordering Kreacher to do it. He brought Kreacher along to the cave because he couldn't do it alone, but he did the worst, most painful part himself and made sure Kreacher would survive. This is emphasized when the full story is revealed, with Harry initially assuming he did make Kreacher drink the potion, only to be corrected. There are very few characters who show any amount of decency toward house-elves, so it stands out.

There's another little moment from earlier in the same chapter that I think also does a lot to make Regulus seem more human. And that's the photo of the Quidditch team. It's such a small thing, but the kids in that photo are described as smiling and waving, which is very atypical for Slytherin students. Usually, they're shown scowling, sneering, glaring, and otherwise being unpleasant. A picture of Regulus smiling and waving with his teammates, especially just after they saw his Voldemort collage and the family crest painted on his wall, softens those details somewhat and shows a different side to him.

Oh, and speaking of Quidditch, let's talk about parallels to Harry. Because there are a lot. They both play Seeker, yes, but more importantly, they're both 17-18 year old boys who go to (what they believe will be) their death, hoping to destroy a Horcrux so that Voldemort will be made mortal. Neither of them expects to live, or to kill Voldemort themselves, just to make it possible for someone else to do so. I have criticisms of how Regulus's death is portrayed in the books (namely: redemption-by-heroic-sacrifice kind of falls flat when it doesn't accomplish anything), but his trip to the cave does parallel Harry's walk into the forest in a very poetic way.

And, of course, I think this goes without saying, but he does turn against Voldemort. Whether or not he fully abandons the ideology that led him to join the Death Eaters, it's not what he prioritizes in the end. He turns against Voldemort, presumably knowing that Voldemort's downfall would be a setback for the blood purist cause. Because Horcruxes are a step too far? Because Voldemort hurt his house-elf? Because being a Death Eater isn't all it's cracked up to be? Whatever the reason, there's something that matters to him more than his own life and more than his loyalty to the cause.

And if he survived, what then? How does he move forward? Does he somehow remain a Death Eater? Go into hiding? Join the Order? Does he cling to his prejudice or allow himself to be de-radicalized? Does he regret the things that he did? In a more peaceful world after Voldemort is gone, what sort of man might he grow up to be? How would the events of his youth shape him, for better or for worse?

There's so much to explore.

Again, I'm not saying he's better or worse than any other morally gray character. But he's not just some random first war Death Eater with an attractive fancast. Even with what little bit of characterization exists in canon, there's so much potential to craft an interesting character out of it. He has a backstory, he has hints of a personality, and he's portrayed with a degree of sympathy and nuance that the other background Death Eaters don't get. He's pretty much tailor-made for redemption arc potential, which makes sense, because the story of his death in canon is pretty much framed as a redemption arc. I'm not sure I agree - I think it's more like the beginning of one, cut short before it really gets going - but maybe the feeling that it's not quite all it should be is another thing that makes him so appealing as a fanfic character. After all, a lot of fic comes from a place of "no, canon didn't get it quite right - I'll do it myself."

[tansu-bomb]

About Cho Yeong, Do Hwa, & Jin Bu Yeon.

For whomsoever it may concern:

There are ONLY two women who have been greatly wronged in the AOS-verse.

1. Cho Yeong / NakSu — his wife.

2. Do Hwa — his mother.

Do Hwa was raped. She wasn’t aware of and did not / would never consent to sleeping with that idiot! King let alone conceive someone through him. She was deceived. Her agency was stripped off. Her name has been completely slandered as someone who has committed adultery.

Cho Yeong witnessed her entire household killed / burnt including her papa dearest, when she was all of four. She had noone else to look to so she held the first helping hand that came her way. She was brainwashed and left alone to live amongst wild beasts in a harsh environment — where you know, it freezes every winter and it becomes extra-hard to find food. She was used for the insane skills she built up for herself and then unceremoniously discarded. She saw her own body burn and I will never forget how depressed / suicidal she was. If not for Jang Uk holding onto her (albeit for his own selfish reasons), she wouldn’t have survived on her own — she would’ve either killed herself or be killed by Jin Mu’s cronies. Then again, when she was finally brimming with love and hope and warmth, she lost agency and was made to kill the love of her life and witnessed him dying at her hands — his blood all over her.

What a grim life where she’s had to deal with death & loneliness ALL HER LIFE. Jang Uk is the only person — other than her father — who unconditionally loves her and for whom she sheds tears for.

In contrast to these two women, Jin BuYeon always had agency. She was and is a much loved daughter / sister. She is revered for her divine powers. For someone as powerful as her — who could find / wield the icestone at a young age — she could’ve found her way home if she truly wanted to. She probably chose not to…coz let’s face it, had she tried to return home, her father / her uncle Jin Mu would’ve plotted for her murder sooner than later lest she expose their evil plans to mama Jin.

Bu Yeon also chose to NOT JUST protect the girl NakSu targeted to shift her soul into but also actively decided to imbibe NakSu’s soul into herself — most likely coz she finally has found the way to use NakSu’s skillset to get to the capital / get to the ice-stone. Further, she could — in nearly all critical situations — take back control of her body she allowed NakSu to use. MuDeok persona is not just a COVER for NakSu but also been a cover for BuYeon for over 10 years.

Bu Yeon chose to stay in the shadows and observe. She didn’t even reveal herself when she was in close proximity to her mother or her sister coz she always had a higher purpose — which is to get the ice stone back from evil Jin Mu’s hands. This is why she opened the Jinyowon doors for Soi coz she wanted Jin Mu to play all his cards and reveal the ice stone so she could finally destroy it or hand it over to the person who is capable of wielding its power for the good of everyone. The only moment she chose to reveal herself is when her mother was snuffing the life out of her & NakSu. She then shifts the ice-stone to the training center and presents advice to NakSu — that power cannot be controlled, that there will be consequences, and that the ideal thing to do is to choose NOT to use that power. At that point, it’s upto either NakSu or JangUk — both who have realized the barrier for what it is — to take the icestone.

I digressed a bit….but long story short, there are only two AOS women who greatly suffered, sacrified and whose agency was stripped away. BuYeon, in contrast, made strategic choices. She is the noble one who attempted to destroy and finally offered the icestone to the King’s Star…she stealthily moved the chess pieces…and she protected NakSu & JangUk all along.

Given how the two most important people (women) in his life suffered and were greatly wronged, it’s no surprise that Uk turned into this cold monster-hunting monster to avenge them.

[locklyle-for-a-long-while]

Knowing looks, part 2:

(See part 1 here)

Our FINAL(!) of many loving longing looks of Lockwood and Lucy.

Each look becoming more intimate, each look growing in unabashed confidence that the other might feel the same way. Lucy and Lockwood now know they aren’t imagining things. Their affection for each other is mutual… and really powerful.

Since we know George was aware of these yearning interchanges from day one… “you like the way she looks at you” … we can only imagine how hard he is rolling his eyes while they sit at the table together in this scene.

The camera goes from Lockwood saying “I promise” to Lucy who gives him a beautiful adoring wide-eyed smile, back to Lockwood who holds her gaze and smirks back at her with a warm and knowing look in his eyes.

He’s acknowledging to her that he’s ready to stop hiding his feelings. After everything that’s happened in the last day and night, he’s more confident that she loves him back and might be ready to stop hiding it too.

(As far as George and the Skull are concerned, nobody has been hiding anything.)

They have both been really vulnerable together in the last several hours. All of those intense moments have led up to this, each building upon the others. They are each trying to say I love you the best they can… from playful banter and flirting, to long gazes and vulnerable moments.

In this last 24 hours they both shifted from feeling an intense crush on each other, to a deepening love built on intimacy. Let’s do a quick recap:

Before the Fittes ball, after Lockwood sees Kipps ask her out:

Lockwood doesn’t want to over step or come on too strong. Must not scare her away with my intensity of how I feel about her. But he must show her somehow. Cue the necklace.

In Winkman’s round 2:

Lucy chooses to stay with Lockwood despite her better judgment. This is the second time that night she says she’s never leaving him. First with words in the hallway at Fittes, and now with action. This is not lost on him, her sticking by his side, no matter how she disagrees with it.

And disagree she does.

The ensuing argument builds to a point where Lockwood confesses his deep fear of intimacy and impending death, alluding to his own grief and loss of his parents and sister. He would do anything to save Lucy from the pain he’s experienced. He knows being an agent can mean death at any moment, he’s not willing to let anyone love him enough to go through that.

“When my time comes, I don’t plan on leaving anyone behind who’s going to lie there every night wishing I would just walk through that door one more time.

“Well then you never should have let me in!

Or George.

Because now it’s far too late.”

I already love you, you idiot.

That stops him in his tracks, he’s speechless for a long moment. His face, his whole body relaxes as he processes what she just said. He understands. He hears her saying how deeply she cares for him. But it’s too much and this is the worst time for this conversation. First they have to live through the night.

Later, when he reaches for her in the stairwell, his hands go around her neck immediately, his fingers in her soft hair, finding comfort in touching her, having her close. Lucy responds on instinct, as if pulling him closer and holding him is the most natural thing for her to do. He’s okay, they might survive a bit longer and she can process the way she’s feeling later. How the warmth of his body makes her feel when he’s close, how they always seem to be reaching for each other, pulled by this force of gravity or magnetism or whatever it might be that’s so damn powerful it totally overrides her better judgment. Stop it Lucy, she tells herself, we need to first get out of here alive.

It happens again on the bank of the Thames when they lie together trying to catch their breath. He looks to her, slowly gets to his feet and reaches for her to help her up. He’s overwhelmed, so many intense feelings. Relief that they survived, so very grateful she stayed with him, his heart swelling with love for this incredible girl. He pulls her to her feet and finds he can’t let her go, his arms still holding hers as he looks into her eyes. He’s desperate to blurt it out “Lucy I’ve completely fallen for you”. Or “I love you so damn much” or just tug her closer and kiss her with all his might.

She sees the love in his eyes and it makes her heart swell. The closeness of his body, soaking wet and breathing hard makes her pulse quicken and her face flush, even in the cool night air.

But she feels her bodily response as a betrayal because her mind is reminding her she’s very, very angry at him.

If he kisses me now I might slap him. …And then probably kiss him more.

So instead she shoves him away before he does anything impulsive.

Later, in the kitchen after she has found her words to express why she’s furious, he’s heard her, and the truth and gravity of it take the wind out of his so-called victory. She’s right, again. He feels so foolish and so very sorry. And he says so, while she silently listens. Then, moving closer to her:

“What I should say is, don’t give up on me …”

He pleads, fearful that maybe she has, maybe this is the last straw. He’s gone too far this time.

He needs her to know that he’s changing, because of her.

She turns to look into his eyes. She sees fear, fear of scaring her away or of sharing too much, but also bravery for fumbling along anyway, bearing his soul to her and admitting the darkest parts of his past:

“And to be honest the bottom of the Thames used to be a far more appealing place to be, and really no one would have cared.

But now….”

He trails off, the rest unspoken:

Now, I have you.

And you care. You said you did, emphatically, just a few hours earlier.

And I’m a slow learner, but I hear you. And now I want to live. Because of you.

It’s all very overwhelming. For both of them.

There’s so much more Lucy wants to say in response. Mainly she wants to wrap her arms around him and hold him tight. But she mustn’t just yet. For now, he just needs to know she forgives him, and she’s not angry anymore.

“Grenadier guard, or policeman”

He searches her eyes, slowly registering that she not still mad at him, god knows he deserves it. He’s so thankful for her in that moment.

Lucy understands that it’s so terribly hard for him to be vulnerable with anyone, and she’s grateful and humbled that Lockwood was able to open up to her. Has he learned anything? Maybe. Hopefully. At the very least he knows that she won’t let him be careless, that he’s accountable to her and she damn well means it.

They both smile over egg cups. They feel joyful relief, and profoundly closer. They survived the night, together.

Their body language and banter over midnight breakfast and Mary Dulac’s memoir is indicative of their new level of intimacy, and they are wrapped up in each other until they notice George is missing. Which is not lost on the Skull:

“Too busy playing the happy couple, no wonder he’s found a new friend”

We get one last glimpse into a beautiful moment that belies Lockwood’s utmost trust and respect for Lucy. He acquiesces to her and doesn’t push too hard when she insists on going after George while Lockwood fights with the Fittes agents outside. He really doesn’t want to leave her side.

When Kat asks “what’s the secret weapon” Lucy referred to, Lockwood answers to himself more than to Kat:

“She is”.

And he pauses as he stands looking after Lucy, smiling sadly, reminding himself of how incredible and strong she is. He’s so in love with her, so in awe of her, and that’s why he has to respect her choice.

Fast forward to our last longing look of love between Lucy and Lockwood. See photos at the top of this post.

All of this intensity of the last 24 hours has culminated in a huge amount of trust, respect, and a much deeper level of intimacy.

There’s so much underneath this beautiful warm smile they share. But most of all, it says:

Lucy: I know I’m crazy about you. You amaze me, confound me, inspire me, and make me feel safe. I’m not imagining it— you feel it too, because I can see it in your eyes, they way you smile at me, the way you hold my hand. I’m not going to hide my feelings for you anymore. I’m in this. I love you Anthony Lockwood.

Lockwood: I know that I’ve completely fallen for you, Lucy. I’ve known it since the day we met and you told off George for calling you feisty. And I know you understand my fumbling attempts to tell you. I know we both sense this intense chemistry between us. So this isn’t the right moment, here at the table, but there will be more, so much more to come. And I’m going to get better at telling you that I’m desperately in love with you.

But first things first.

“No more secrets.”

[myriadof-fandoms]

harringrove week - day 2 - this boy's too young to be singing the blues

prompt: How Many Candles on the Birthday Cake: 18 years old

ao3

Billy Hargrove is 18 years old. 

He has been, for just about 24 hours now. No one’s mentioned it. 

He’s watching how the minutes go by, like he did last night too. Seven minutes to midnight, seven minutes until he’ll really be entirely forgotten.  

It’s quiet around him, in the middle of fucking nowhere. No one is out at this time since everyone in Hawkins is in bed by 10 and even if they aren’t they surely aren’t sitting at the fucking Quarry. 

Billy likes it only because of the water. And maybe a little bit because it reminds him that he could always just jump. 

He’s not actively suicidal, he knows he’s gonna go back home and climb into his room through the window and hope that his dad doesn’t hear. Billy’s gonna go to bed and sleep the same fitful sleep he always has. Everything is gonna stay exactly how it is.

But for a moment the possibility is comforting. 

The edge of the descent down to the water is an adrenaline high. The same high that he gets here only by pushing his car to the highest speed right before a curve. 

Billy misses the way his lungs used to feel like they were about to burst when he stayed underwater too long. That was the best of them all, better than any drug or danger, that moment when he pushed himself until everything in him was screaming to dive back up, to get some oxygen. 

Nothing in Hawkins compares to the ocean. At least the Quarry is a body of water too though.

His mom used to take him surfing for his birthday. She used to get him cake too. At first there were presents as well, he remembers a small party even. 

His dad always said birthdays aren’t important though. Certainly not important enough to remember at all. 

At least last year Billy got a black eye. Today Neil didn’t acknowledge him even once and somehow that’s worse.

He spent the day like any other, breakfast in tense silence only interrupted by Susan trying to lift the tension, driving to school and watching Max disappear to her weird little friends, one useless class that’s teaching shit he already had in San Diego after the other, ignoring whatever shit Tommy and the other assholes said during break, beating everyone at basketball, not looking at Harrington in the shower, picking up Max, going home, working out until his body aches and tense dinner. Absolutely nothing of consequence happened. 

Billy curses when he feels his eyes tear up at the thought. 

Distracted by his own failings and the sound of his voice he doesn’t hear the car at first. The headlights he notices first, cutting through the trees and illuminating the Camaro. 

With bated breath Billy waits until he can make out the car. Of course it’s the fucking BMW.

He turns back around and waits.

“What are you doing?” Harrington asks when he’s still walking up to Billy at the edge. He doesn’t come up next to him entirely, choosing to stay two steps away from the cliff.

“Celebrating.” Billy’s a fucking idiot. 

Harrington remains a mystery to him.

They’ve settled into no man’s land since Billy beat him up last fall. After Max had him fucking apologise to Harrington he became- almost friendly. 

Billy doesn’t do “friends”. Which is most likely why there’s no one to remember his fucking birthday. 

Harrington is nice to him is the thing. Occasionally they talk, like when they both drop off the brats at the Arcade or when Harrington finds him in the middle of the night at the Quarry. 

And then sometimes Harrington stares at Billy way too long in the locker room. 

“What are you celebrating at the edge of certain death?” 

There’s a little edge to his voice, and a part of Billy is entirely too pleased to know enough of Steve’s tells to realise it. 

“I’m sure I could survive this.” 

There’s a scoff he receives in response, “Yeah, sure you could, big guy, now get away from there, alright?”

Billy takes another look at the black water below and turns around to look at Harrington. 

His hair is messy, like he already went to bed and got up again when he couldn’t sleep. His attire supports that theory, sweats and a T-shirt that’s all rumpled. 

He wastes a thought to consider if Steve sleeps without a shirt and only grabbed this one on his way out. 

“My birthday.”

Harrington is too busy looking relieved that Billy’s next to him now and away from the edge to pay attention, “What?”

“I’m celebrating my birthday, Harrington.”

“You- today?”

Now Billy gets to scoff. Then he checks his watch, “For another minute, King Steve, yes.”

“Shit, man, happy birthday,” He looks like a kicked puppy. Harrington looks actually upset at not having known. Somehow he also looks a little calculating. 

“Did you get anything nice?”

It’s such a stupidly Harrington thing to ask. Billy doesn’t feel like lying and laughs a little, “No, not really.”

For a second Billy thinks he’s about to get beaten up when Harrington moves closer. But instead of a fist connecting with his cheek there are hands cradling his face. And another heartbeat later there are lips on his own.

Steve all but crashes into him, moving against Billy with vigor and like he’s starving for it. Billy responds without thinking - because maybe he did jump after all? Maybe he’s dead and the cosmos is playing a gigantic joke because this feels awfully close to heaven and there’s no way Billy’s ever going to get there.

As quickly as he’d been there Steve steps back, “Fuck, sorry, I-”

This time Billy is the one to hold Steve’s face. Not for long though, as soon as he’s got his mouth back on Steve’s his hands are moving to his hair. That fucking hair he’s had to hear so much about. 

It feels even better between his fingers than he thought it would.

Steve sighs against his lips and Billy is filthy and rotten and he’s waited to long for this, he’s overthought everytime he caught Steve looking at his lips too much, to not use the chance and lick into Steve’s mouth.

This time he moans. 

It must be true then, Billy’s dead and in heaven. 

When Steve starts pushing him backwards, towards the Camaro, and then against its hood, Billy doesn’t think a lot. There is the passing thought though that his birthday had turned out surprisingly well after all. 

[corazondebeskar-reads]

the devil you don't know - the aftermath

Y'all have been asking, and I understand the curiosity. So here's what I had in mind for what happens after "the devil you don't know (or however it goes)."

WARNING: discussions of major character death(s), also, I actively discourage you from reading this if you don't need to. I feel pretty strongly about the original ending.

FIRST: I want to reiterate that I stand by the ambiguous ending. I wrote it first, and then the rest of the story came to life. It best serves the tale I was trying to tell. I also think it's the most optimistic, sorry. There's no version of this where you walk free. It's a semicolon, and it's there to protect you.

(Several people have asked for a part two, and while i love you and thank you for loving this story, it's unlikely i will revisit it. unlike a lot of my other work, this sprung from my chest fully formed. never say never but probably not.)

But if you need an ending, I think there are three possible options. So here's a choose your own adventure "epilogue."

Who Do You Shoot?

Option 1: Yourself.

I want to get this one out of the way. You're not an idiot, and this is not a safe world. I think you knew you would die soon when you ran away but wanted to at least fight for your life instead of condemning yourself to suffer for years.

So yes, I think there's a chance you do it. Is it a strong one? Maybe not, because you do want to live. But none of the choices offer good odds.

Option 2: Joel.

This option is also a suicide. Joel has two armed men in the room. You're not quick enough to take them out. For that reason, this is not what I had in mind. I think you'd recognize the very real possibility that they will not kill you quickly.

And you'd recognize what he's offered you as a gift, a kindness.

Option 3: Your father.

I think this is probably the most obvious and likely what everyone will assume happens. It's what I would consider the best-case scenario if you need a resolution.

You never fantasized about killing him. Not when he first handed you to his right-hand man as a reward and not when he let them pass you around as a consolation prize.

He's only treated you this way for the past three years. Your whole childhood and adult life before, the first seven years after, he was okay. Sexist and "traditional," condescending, but not abusive. It's why you sought him out when the world fell to pieces — to see if he survived but also to seek out the security he had always provided.

But the end of the world turned a lot of people into monsters.

So when Joel offers you a choice, when he tells you it's up to you? It reaches into that raw, torn-open part of you and soothes. It's why you asked him to fuck you — you haven't had a choice in any fucking part of your life for years, and to feel that power again is cleansing.

The resulting splatter is a baptismal, and Joel kisses you while the blood on your face is still hot.

When you pull away, you're shaking. He's taken the gun back while you were kissing, finding no resistance when he slipped it from your trembling fingers.

When you pull away, he holds it between your bodies. And he gives you one last choice, one last chance to have control over your story.

"I can make it quick. Or I can take ya home."

[xelasrecords]

Less of an angsty ask, but between Jumin and V, who would you actually pick if you were in MC's situation? The catch is that you're not able to change the other character's storyline if you don't pick them (eg. V will still go down his self-destructive spiral if you pick Jumin).

So whoever I don't pick will meet his bad end and I'll have to watch him suffer unable to do anything about it? What the hell Faye I've obsessively written fics where the MC cannot choose because she loves them equally AND NOW THIS? I regret asking you to do your worst😭

If I see it from a survival pov, it's clear that I should choose V because he's an idiot with no sense of self-preservation, but choosing to be with someone for this sole reason is the highway to codependency. I know Jumin can fare on his own, but would he really be living if he spiralled and become a lonely alcoholic in the end, like in V's AE? I just want both of them to be happy and loved, with or without me.

Do you know when was the first time I started being haunted by the idea of OT3 (in my mind these two are platonic)? Since I recently replayed V's route! It was Jumin's steadfastness and care for V and V's gentle heart for everyone but especially Jumin that made me realise I can't like one more than the other. Both of them are so kind and selfless and funny in their own ways. Their interactions, appreciations for one another, and emotional depth warmed my heart. It was because of V's wholesome love for Jumin that I love V, and Jumin's relentless love for V that I love Jumin. You can't take either away and expect them to still completely be the men I love.

You asked what I would do in MC's situation, but in her situation I'd most likely develop feelings for both men, so choosing to be with only one would make me feel like I wasn't being honest to the one I chose AND myself. There would always be a part of me that yearned for the other even though I'd be so happy that I could be with the current one.

Most importantly! Would Jumin truly be happy if he had me but lost V (I'm 100% sure V would eventually get himself killed or maimed)? Would V feel like he deserved to be happy with me if he saw Jumin closing himself off as his proverbial red strings and destructive coping mechanisms choked and drowned him? The guilt of not being able to save Jumin would eat V from the inside.

What if I let them know that I love them both? But then, if they knew the price is the other's mortal safety then no one would choose me LOL. They'd sacrifice their happiness for the other's, encouraging each other to be with me instead. I really don't want to choose Faye🥲

I guess my final verdict is V. At least Jumin would still be alive, no matter what that'd look like. It'd be much harder on Jumin and me if V dies. Death is final. Jumin barely surviving means the possibility of recovering still exists. He's not gone yet. The way he masks his pain and takes care of everyone after V died in the SE is heartbreaking and I don't want him to go through that. I'd rather Jumin still have his best friend even if it means I'd always feel the loss of him. I think this is the best way to ensure everyone's happiness (they don't have to know about mine).

[fruit-salad-ship]

Pirate AU, captain Plum getting so angry at Peach, so stupidly furious, maybe she withheld information, maybe she did somethign dangerous and stupid, maybe she chased a ghost and endangered the crew, or just...was so dimissive to her own existence it just finally got to her, maybe she'd spent too long drowning her sorrows and being useless. Whatever caused it, Plum starts to throw her weight around as a leader. Kicks her second in command her sword, Peach doesnt even carry it most days, whats the point? She wont die if she's caught without it. So she sees it being presented, eyeing the captain from where she sits.

"Pick it up." Plums dead serious, Peach ignores her, she says it again, louder, angrier. the second time was not a request at all, so with a sluggish stagger peach gets up, picks her sword up, it is not in the best condition, she'd fix that but cant be bothered. It doesnt matter to her one way or another.

She instinctivley blocks an incoming attack, Plum is so mad, venting her anger at this woman through practice, or...maybe this isnt practice? She's attacking with real intent, perhaps a good fight would knock some sense into Peach. The woman seems only half heartedly bothering to defend, she doesnt fight back in any way, slowly being backed up to a mast, ducking to not get hit in the side, plums blade dinking off the wooden trunk.

This goes on for a while, with each lazy movement Plum becomes more furious, how is she putting so little effort into this and coming out unscathed? It dawns on her that if Peach was to fight back, would she have the clear advantage she thought she originally posessed? Plum thought she was the more refined and skilled fighter but...this womans wasting her potential.

Peach grows bored of the back and forth, instead of dodging, taking the hit. People tended to stop attacking soon after that. In a real fight she'd fake her death and get up after a minute of pretending to get back and protect whoever needs it. Plum however knows this tactic, she cant fake her death, the sword in her shoulder hurts, shes immortal, not immune to pain, grabbign it by the blade and pushing it back out of her, an act that unsettles plum, seeing the womans hand cut as she didnt struggle to remove her sword. No slowing, no time to think, plum takes another quick move to land another hit.

Theyre nose to nose, blade through this womans torso, poking out the other side. Of course Peach cries out from the sting of it, gutteral response, but it subsides, she can ignore it and focus on the captain, glaring up at her with such rage in her eyes.

"You done?" a raised eyebrow and calm demeanour from the old pirate. "Fight back." Plum wanted to see what was lurking on this ship, what she'd hired, irritated still from earlier. "You dont want that, just let me go back to my drink." Peach eyed the bottle stood on a barrel not too far away, just wanting a peaceful watch on deck. "No. You need to care. You need to do more than defend, I need a second in command who'll activley try to live, to survive, not just be a walking pin cushion and hope to die every time you take a hit."

This was stupid, the slight twist of the blade in peach's gut a threat, Plum felt guilt, she shoudlnt have been doing this, knew it hurt her, but would never kill. The irrittion that this idiot, this woman who could do so much, would just simply choose to do nothing instead got to her however.

"I'm not fighting you."

"Why not?!" Plums sword slid out and she took another agile swing, slicing through the womans shoulder, she didn teven try to move away from it.

"Because theres no point. You'll lose, all the skill in the world wont end me, its a fruitless task." And truth be told, Peach wouldnt raise a blade to her, couldnt even, unsure why, just...couldnt bare to fight her properly, fully aware of the horrors she'd enacted on foe in the past, no friend deserves that.

"So you only act when its too late? Only do something when youve already lost." At such close proximity Plum was able to glare at her, and for a brief moment, Peach felt something she'd not had in her for a while. Rage. Not more than four days prior to this she'd mentioned the past, her wife, the way she got revenge for what happened. It felt like...Plum was calling her out for that. For not doing enough then, as if what happened was her fault. While to some degree she agreed, the fact that someone would think she'd not fight tooth and nail to protect what she loved sunk in, a second or two ticking by as the fury started to collect.

Some small fragment of her old self started to surface, instead of pulling her body off the blade, taking one hand and shoving her opponent hard, sword going with her, freeing Peach and giving them a meters grace, space to adjust.

For the first time, Plum felt a little fear because of this woman, watching her straighten up, stop slouching, hold her sword properly, but more than anything, it was her eyes, they looked dark and menacing now, not tired or dismissive like before.

"I need to see that you dont let disaster hit before you do something. The crew need a second in command who cares wether they live or die. I need you to show me you have any real fight in you left, because right now, you look like youve given up." Peach was drunk, her shirt now had some holes in it, a small amount of blood on her person, wounds already healing up, sticthing back together, realising she'd not instilled any faith in anyone here since arriving.

"Fine. Have it your way." That deep seated anger started to rattle around in her, for the first time during this exchange, taking a step forward instead of simply defending. Plum did all she could to stop what happened next. The swing of that chipped old blade was so heavy it broke through her defence, staggering her back quickly, Peach's pace refusing to faulter, closing the gap steadily, as if fully in control, it was daunting, she didnt flinch to block the striked plum threw, eyes set ahead. "This is what you wanted right?" another solid hit had to be dodged, not blocked, there was no way Plum could handle another stagger like that. Their fight was brief. within five hits, the old and in places rusted weapon wrapped itself in such a way around the captains pristeen rapier, a moment where peach flinged the sword across the deck, clattering as she took one strike to threaten.

Plum felt a sting on her cheek, a thin line of red starting to appear, such a controlled strike that it only scratched her, looking up to see the looming threat standing close. "Dont you dare think that I wouldnt act before its too late. Thats...not what happened before."

It was suddenly apparent how this woman gained such a reputation, not once since she'd joined the ship had Plum seen it, never seen her do more than the bare minimum. The sword was sheathed, and Peach turned, grabbing the bottle she'd been forced to leave, leading her way off up the other end of the ship to be alone.

At least the captain knew now just what she was working with, and it frightened her a little.

[feyre-darling92]

What am I to you

Cassian Andor x F!Reader

T/W: Nothing too serious, some typical violence, angst, that’s all I can think about, let me know if I missed anything.

Word Count: 1,231

A/N: Guess who decided not to be useful to society and write fics again? Yep, that’s me! Anyways, hope you like it.

Synopsis: When you first met Andor you were just a rebel to him, as he was to you. While on a mission you get to know each other better. Will the way you see each other change? Or not?

“What am I to you?” you asked not taking your eyes off the campfire.

“Excuse me?”

You knew he had heard perfectly well.

“You heard me, Andor”

“Why do you ask?” his eyes lifted to meet yours but instead he found them focused elsewhere, you were clearly avoiding his stare.

“Because we are going towards our possible death. You chose me for this mission because I know that you were actually the one in charge. One does not choose the person who will go on this suicide mission alone at random yet now, you act like I am a big burden to you” your stare finally met his.

You and Cassian had been assigned on missions together in the past but nothing too serious or too dangerous as this. So this changed the whole situation.

Regardless, you always acted cold around each other, for no particular reason though.

“Has anyone told you that you overanalyze things?”

“This neither changes nor answers my question”

And he answered with the exact same words you expected to hear, “A rebel. A soldier who has great abilities hence the fact that I chose you. Is this enough?”

You just nodded and no one talked for the rest of the night, even though both of you had much to say.

--------

The next day you dressed like villagers and went out to search for any additional information that would help you.

“It’s best if we don’t separate. We’re already causing suspicions, let’s not challenge our luck” He said with a low voice so only you could hear him.

“If they ask, what are our identities?”

“Are you sure you wanna know?”

“I’ve survived much worse. Just say it” you rolled your eyes and kept walking.

“You’re my fiancee”

“You were right. But where are the rings?”

“The what?”

“The rings, Andor. Do you not know that when a man proposes to a woman, he proposes with a ring? At least the majority of times”

“I am not that idiot” he frowned

“Then act like it” you couldn’t help but reply as such.

You spent the rest of the day collecting information while trying to keep a low profile, which was not easy at all. Everywhere you went everyone looked at you suspiciously though you didn’t stand out that much.

“We’d better return” you muttered as you walked through a dark alley. It was already night and you had a bad feeling.

“I don’t think it’s a-”

“You two, hands up” you heard a voice behind you. You slowly turned around, hands above your head, and faced three imperials. You knew that there was some imperial activity in this village but you were always careful not to get caught.

Well, at least you tried.

You and Cassian exchanged a worried look but did not speak.

“Who are you?” one of them asked, but none of you replied.

“Are you deaf? Who are you?” They aimed their weapons at you.

“We’re just villagers” Cassian replied but no one seemed to believe him. Luckily you had your blaster with you so you waited for his signal.

“C’mon darling” he turned to you, “Tell them that I say the truth”

“He is” you confirmed.

“Show us identifications” they didn’t lower their weapons.

“Yeah, of course just let me find them” Cassian searched in his coat and you understood that this was the signal because he reached for his blaster.

You took hold of yours and fired, hitting one of them. Cassian took out the rest and you ran.

Only when you reached your hiding place did you stop, “That was close” you tried to catch your breath sitting on the ground.

“We need to strike tonight”

“Are you serious?” you raised your eyebrows, “We almost got caught, wasn’t this enough for you?”

“I hoped you understood at least the simplest thing. Tomorrow we will have a bounty on our heads”

“I know. But do you think it is easier to go blind, without a plan or a possible exit?” you raised your voice annoyed that he didn’t listen.

“If you doubt my crisis then your free to leave. But now, I am in charge of this mission so you either listen or you walk away!” He yelled and you stood up.

“I am not a coward!”

“I can see that” he whispered but you heard it. That was your breaking point.

“Excuse me? I am the coward? You are literally ready to risk your lives because you’re too afraid that they might catch you tomorrow. You don’t even know what will happen!”

“I am the captain on this mission. Not you, me!” he shouted obviously fed up with this argument.

“Alright, Captain” you walked past him not wanting to face him for the next few seconds.

“Y/N, I didn’t mean-”

“I know exactly what you meant Andor. Just give me a few minutes” you replied stiffly. And surprisingly he did.

---------------

“Don’t move, Captain” you greeted with your teeth as you tried to stitch his arm.

“Sorry” he muttered and tried not to move.

You were lucky and you had made it out alive slightly injured but too shaken. You almost died back here.

“Sorry. About earlier” it came out more forced than he’d like but he wanted you to know it.

“You have nothing to apologize for. You were right. You’re the captain for a reason. I am just a rebel who accepts orders”

“No, that’s not-”

“That’s what you said the other day. And you know it’s true” you cut him off.

“C’mon. You know I didn’t mean it”

“You know, we’re very much alike”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re both soldiers. Rebels who know nothing else than war. We were raised this way and grew up too soon. Am I wrong?” you had finished stitching him and you had turned, facing the campfire in front of you.

“You’re not just a soldier. Not to me at least” he admitted after a few minutes of silence.

“Then what am I?” you said without looking at him.

He didn’t reply. Instead, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and you placed your head on his shoulder.

“I am sorry too”

“It’s ok”

You didn’t want to talk, you just wanted comfort. So you stayed like that for the rest of the night.

And even though you hadn’t been clear about what you were to each other you knew that something had changed.

----------

On your way back you didn’t talk, you didn’t know what to say. And when you landed, that’s when you parted ways.

Two days had passed and you hadn’t heard from him even though you wanted to. Until the third day, you heard a knock on your door.

“Who is it?” you asked from behind the door.

“Y/N, it’s me” you heard a familiar voice from the other side.

You opened it and met a different Cassian, a Cassian you’d never seen before. His face was unreadable, he was obviously tired and his posture gave away that he was uncertain of what to do.

“What do you want?” you asked a little confused.

“I wanted you to know what you are to me”

“What?”

“You’re not a soldier. Not a rebel and certainly not a random person” he took a breath and looked at you with his brown eyes that glowed in the dark.

“Then what am I, Cassian?”

“My everything”

[tallyanimatez]

Feather Au, but Yuu gets caught and they have been sentenced to death.

Worst of all, people can choose to go and watch their execution.

Even worse, the people that came to care about them, got front rows and went to say their goodbyes

Never have I ever thought someone would choose to be this brutal, you're out for blood today aren't you *ends call*

I'm only doing dorm leaders bc the entire cast is gonna give me a brain annerysm, unless requested again/j

This is not proof read

Tw: mentions of death, heavy angst, insults/harrassment, swearing

Shit.

You were caught.

You became too careless because you trusted everything would have gone to plan, and it was all due to emotions you felt that ruined this.

There's nothing else to do, other than come to terms with what is going to happen to you.

You knew your inevitable fate would have come, all because you choose to stay with them.

Standing infront of the crowd, everyone was cheering for your death.

IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT MY SON ENDED HIMSELF BECAUSE OF YOU.

KILL THAT MONSTER.

WHY DID YOU EVEN EXIST.

KILL THEM IN THE MOST BRUTAL WAY.

You ruined their hopes, dreams and their lives.

Maybe you won't feel bad that this is your end-

"This isn't true right, Yuu?"

Fuck.

The people you didn't want to meet had to come, to see you at your worst...

They're right infront of you no less.

"Yuu, tell me this isn't real, there must be another culprit right?"

Riddle Roseheart, your first victim and first friend before Ace and Deuce...Your first problem you choose to runaway.

You remember when Riddle was a lonely person during the festival, the same place where you left him to oblivion.

He's right there. Infront of you. He's in tears, you don't know what to say other than not looking at him. You're guilty, of both this trial and to his heart.

He...doesn't seem to take this very seriously and insisted that there's another culprit, he's desperate, he's refusing that any of this is real...

Tell him that it isn't real okay? It's all just a dream right? He can't afford to lose the only warmth he has.

"Remember the person you called an idiot and absolutely despise? They're right infront of your eyes now, hah."

"This is very serious, you can't be laughing! You can't just...go like this."

You didn't know what to say other than being the old cocky self that you were when you first met him, hoping he would have been angry and hoped for your death, but it seems to make him even more upset than he already is.

After Riddle bid his good bye, you meet the next one, the person you'd least expect to come to your execution.

"I never knew you could have been like this, Herbivore."

Leona Kingscholar, you'd honestly slap yourself to death so you could wake up from this wretched dream, he was first a random stranger you met before becoming an official victim of yours during Spelldrive.

The Leona you knew was a cocky and grumpy lion, and he's too prideful to even admit to things nor even say a thanks. It was the same reason he lost his chance to say his farewell the day before you dumped his ass.

And...his attitude never changed even if he's facing you on your death sentence, though you swore you heard a slight sadness in his voice, maybe everything is an illusion

He doesn't know if he should congratulate your death because you were at fault of his winning, but if you agree to come with him, he'll promise to keep you safe from the crowd

So just agree with him to survive, okay? You won't have to worry anymore...

"I never thought the second prince himself would vi-"

"You should keep your mouth shut herbivore, specially with the situation your in."

"Hm~"

Leona just scoffs, tho visibly irritated, he didn't immediately punt you like how he would whenever you call him as the second prince from the start, not because you where tied up and about to die, it's because he knew you long enough that you're trying to make him mad.

The next person was probably someone you choose to avoid all cost

"I never expect our next and last encounter would be like this..."

Azul Ashengrotto, he was the first person you had a decent friendship because he didn't reveal himself to the public alot, so you didn't knew his identity either.

Maybe if you knew him before hand, you wouldn't have chose to stay with him longer before you found out his identity, and eventually running away from him.

He's the same as ever, that mask doesn't fade away so easily for a shady business takoyaki, still smiling at you, even though that smile isn't as perfect as you once saw it to be.

At first, he was determined to caught the famous criminal and see their fate, but now that he knows it's you, he might make another choice.

If you want to make a deal with him, he can silence everyone who came on this day, he promised it won't look foolish.

"Ah, the octopus is back with his schemes, I'm sorry but I'll have to decline "

"I didn't think you would decline such a tempting deal, you should rethink your choice again."

"Sorry shady man, my choice is final"

Azul seemed like he had something else he wanted to say before backing away for the next person to bid their goodbye-

"YUU YOU'RE NOT GOING, RIGHT?"

Kalim Al-Asim, the brightest sunshine boy you've ever met, it's kinda surprising that someone like him existed here.

You never stayed near him for that long, his bright personality got on your nerves along with him being quite smart too when he needs to be...along with that snake.

Kalim believes it's possible to buy you out of this situation no matter how costy it is, you doubt it's possible with all the sins you've done, but Kalim is Kalim.

He had everything in his way as being the son of a successful merchant, so he thought that he can save you from this situation.

Just...let him hope while it last, he'll have to understand that not everything is going his way.

"No! Yuu is innocent and they always were! I can help with the situation! Right Yuu?"

"..."

You didn't want to answer him, be it to crush his hopes or to lead him to the correct path. After some prying, Kalim finally backed down, the next person is...um.

"Potato, I expected a lot better from you."

Vil Schoenheit, the man you disliked since he criticizes way too much about your manners.

But the only thing you can commend him on is his efforts, he clawed his way to fame, unlike you, who chose to be like this. Maybe it was the differences between you and him, you left him because you knew you'll never be like Vil.

Vil looks at you with a scowl face. All you could do is to smirk at him, you always do this whenever you won the argument between your lifestyle and joining his routine. But he'd honestly lecture the life out of you if this wasn't the public, he has an image to keep yah know?

He is THE Vil Schoenheit, right? Take his hand and he'll make sure no one questions why you're alive, they know what happens if they dare to go against him.

The entire world never saw how hard he worked to claw up here, he can't afford to lose you forever.

"Now the turnip actually came, I thought you had a reputation to keep."

"I'm considering whether or not I should put you into eternal sleep because of this."

Classic Vil, you like to call him as a turnip not only because he looks like it, but it's funny seeing his reaction. Vil moved backward for a blue fiery hair person to come up next to say their goodbye.

"It's my fault isn't it..."

Idia Shroud, the otaku nerd you always go to whenever you need the information that's locked behind an invisible wall

He has access to all the feather wide web, even the forbidden information that not even a regular hacker can get a hold off. Yet you started to come to him less and less, till eventually you discarded him over the side like the rest.

He mumbles "It's my fault for not helping..", he's like his ever since his little brother's death, and now he can't even save you from your end.

What could he do after you're gone? Make a cyborg you, that would fix his problem! To cope with loosing things close to him.

If he could and was able to, he'll promise to find a way to upload your consciousness to the cyborg, it won't be you but it's better than nothing...

"..."

Idia only pulled his hood down to hide his face, you could barely make out what he even said anymore but probably along the lines that it was his fault, you always tell him it's not because life is unfair.

And finally, the last guest to your goodbye

"Child of man...You never cease to surprise me even more."

Malleus Draconia, or Horton. One of the few people you barely grasp any info, and the person who chose to hid his identity like you did with him.

Meeting Malleus was a pure coincidence, you found him when you're taking a midnight stroll. Was it because of your paranoia that you decided to left him, or the lack of information you possessed that made you lose your interest? You don't know.

Maybe because of Malleus childish acts that he sometimes does, you find him quite adorable just like a kid who first experienced the outside world. But never would you have seen him upset, or possibly mad right now, he never was like that.

Malleus Draconia, the strongest mage and the next heir of Briar Valley, he has the power to wipe all the witnesses away and take you somewhere far from this place.

He'll do everything just to stop your death, or if possible, bring you back to life. Give him the signal and he won't regret anything just for you.

"Sorry Horton, I'm just a human like you said, humans have a shorter life span than faes do. Nothing can last."

"I'm far more aware than needed, that's why I...wanted to make every moment count."

From what you know, you're the only person who was close to him other than his overseer and his 2 loyal followers. It's understandable that he would want to snatch you away and lock you up somewhere safe. You didn't want that.

Your last moment really was... something. You never thought you'd meet the familiar faces and die alone like you always were.

Why do you feel desperate to make it up to them?

Maybe in the next life, when all of you meet again.

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Authors note: I did not plan it that far that Yuu would get caught, but a request is a request so creative ideas. Anyways sayonara people I want sleep.