#'we were friends/besties and only after getting to know each other well does romance happen' <- me when i am demiromantic and projecting <3

[writingbywatson]

Genshin Boys With A Dense Crush (Part 2)

Here is part 2~ so, the reason why I didn't include Bennett and Razor is the fact that I can never write for them, like IDK why but its just very hard for me. So yeah, sorry about that. Part 1 (Albedo, Childe and Diluc)

Chongyun

Dense + Dense = more dense

It was painfully obvious that Chongyun likes you but for some reason, he can’t quite figure that out for himself

But everyone around them knows

Xingqiu is actually on the road to writing a book about the two of you

Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao, and Yan Fei are betting on how long until Chongyun realizes his feelings

Chongyun doesn’t know why he likes to see you every day, wants to have meals with you, and why he gets uncomfortable when he sees you with another person and smiling at them

Maybe it was the work of g-

“Oh I like them” -Chongyun one day when he woke up

He consulted his best friend Xingqiu about this and Xingqiu just placed his books down and said “dear archons finally, it was getting very painful to watch”

So the two started planning a cute little confession scenario

Somewhere Xinyan and Yan Fei are crying because they lost the best but Yan Fei is arguing that betting was illegal and has no ground in the law… Yan Fei, you betted with your conscience please stop

Anyway!

The pair of best friends decided to go with a simple type of confession because less is more in Xingqiu’s books

It was going so well, a cute dinner and all of that

“I like you Y/N, can we be more than that?”

Oh is that Xingqiu, Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao, and Yan Fei spying on both of you from the bushes? Why, yes indeed.

“You want to be best friends Chongyun? But don’t you have Xingqiu as your best friend already?” - you with your ever so innocent voice and expression

Chongyun is frozen in place

Xingqiu, Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao and Yan Fei are betting again this time how many times will Chongyun get a friendzone

Kaeya

Someone revive him

He can’t take your dense nature anymore

This is Kaeya after all everything he does allude to something so WHY WON'T YOU GET IT STILL

“Oh, Kaeya? You like someone!? Can you introduce me to them?” - you asking excitedly upon hearing his and Rosaria’s conversation

Kaeya was pretty sure he was describing you

Rosaria is holding back her laugh, she can't breathe… SOMEONE SAVE HER

“I love them but this dense attitude is too much!” - Kaeya as he slams his fist on top of Diluc’s bar

“Have you tried wooing them?” - Diluc as his wiping a glass down, he's so nonchalant about this situation LMAO

“HAVE I TRIED?” - Kaeya sounding very offended

“How about getting a white bed sheet and painting “will you marry me Y/N” on it?” - Rosaria

“Yeah, they leave me no ch-”

“Sit down, don’t embarrass yourself like a child” - Diluc pushing his brother down to sit

“HOW WILL I GET MY FEELINGS ACROSS THOUGH!”

“Just confess, normally… like… a normal person” - Diluc

Kaeya decided that in two days time he was going to confess to you, two days because he needed to make sure it was perfect

But the moment he saw you laughing with some random guy all the planning was thrown out the window

“Meet me in front of the church when the sun rises” - Kaeya to you when he passes by you at the corridor of the headquarters

When you arrived, he made you stand at the flight of stairs in front of the church while he went down

He kneeled with his right knee touching the ground and he pulled a very neatly folded white sheet from his pocket

He unraveled it and wrote, “WILL YOU MARRY ME Y/N?”

But even before you can react a thunderous shouting can be heard and a chuckle

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? I SAID CONFESS NORMALLY!” -Diluc

Thoma

I’m going to try but still little info on this new pyro husband

Thoma is a very understanding boy

He likes you so much that he's willing to wait

But damn has he been waiting long

He decided he was going to confess to you today as well!

“Y/N! I like you!” - Thoma

“I like you too! You are like my best friend!” - you

Every time this happens Thoma stress eats.

Ayaka is giggling because he has never seen her friend like this

He's trying his best for you to like him, he cooks for you, takes care of you, guards you, protects you…

WHAT IS HE DOING WRONG!?

“You know the festival is ongoing” -Ayato as he watches his sister’s friend mop around like a puppy who has been kicked. “Why don’t you try confessing properly and straight-forwardly there?”

That gave him an idea

He dragged to the talisman-wishing thing and told you that you two should make one

When the both of you were done, you should each other what you made and to your surprise, Thoma made a drawing of the both of you holding hands

“It’s not us being best friends forever” - he clarified

“It’s me hoping to spend many more years beside you as your lover.”

Venti

Barbatos aka Venti the Bard has been singing a lot of love songs lately

Especially when you were in the audience watching

He always likes your smile especially when you were watching him

So when the two of you were strolling around near the church of Monstad

He decided that he was going to confess today

Years of being alone and he finally get what Vanessa told him about meeting the right person

“Y/N, I love you-”

“Aww, Venti, I love you too!”

“Really?!” - Venti very excitedly

“Yeah! I love you as a friend! We’re like besties!”

Dvalin felt that

Andrius felt that

Hell even Vanessa felt that from Celestia

“Oh I got to go, bestie, I have something to do! See you tomorrow!”

Lately, the winds of Monstad have been depressing?

“I don’t understand! I thought they liked me back!” Venti his chugging his alcohol while Diluc looked at him in irritation

Diluc wants to kick him out but Venti is Monstad’s archon so he decided against it

“Venti! There you are!” - you

Venti hears your voice and because his drunk his happy instead of upset

He throws himself at you in an attempt of a sloppy hug

“Y/N! I love you~”

“I love you too, we are fr-”

“NO! I LOVE YOU LIKE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER I LOVE YOU! THAT TYPE OF LOVE THAT IF YOU ASK ME TO FIGHT MORAX I WOULD!”

Xiao

When Xiao first had these feelings he was confused

He lived a long life and this was the first time in his life where when he sees someone his chest becomes constricted and warm

“Xiao! Do you like traveler!?” - you excitedly

Xiao felt a tightening in his chest not that good type but am i being stab right now type of tightening

His answer would usually be along the lines of no and he can’t have relationships with mortals

He usually has a lot more patience with you compared to others but hearing you say that he looks good with someone else just made something in him snap

He didn’t mean to shout at you nor did he mean it when he said you should leave him alone

That’s why he's waiting for you at Wangshun Inn, his loneliness grew into worry when after 2 days you weren’t back yet

Upon eavesdropping around he also found out that no one has seen you and your last known location was Mt. Hulao and he immediately began to worry because that place was prohibited to humans

“Are you looking for someone?” - Mountain Sharper appeared behind Xiao as he reached the top of Mt. Hulao. “Are you looking for a mortal perhaps?”

“How did-”

“-That mortal is pretty noisy, they don’t stop talking and they know you.”

Oh, the warm feeling in his chest is back because they were talking about him which means that they weren’t angry at him!

“Where are they!?” Xiao would realize and I swear to you his ready to break every amber rock around Mt.Hulao

“Calm down, they are currently collecting Qingxin flowers”

Right on cue, “XIAO!? IS THAT YOU!?” he heard your voice from behind him, when he saw you, he immediately rushes to you and hugs you

“What are you doing here!?” Xiao would ask, his voice was raised only because of relief

“Oh, I got lost! And Moon Sharper here saw me, we ended up chatting and I guess I forgot the time, he shared so many stories about y- WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE THAT ARE YOU HURT!?”

“I’m alright… I just… I m-miss…”

Moon Sharper is just looking at this scene and he knows he's about to spill the hottest tea next time the adeptus (idk plural form okay) have a dinner party

Xingqiu

At first glance, it might look like that he isn’t affected at all

But internal his boiling

WHY WERE YOU SO DENSE

IF IT WEREN’T FOR HIS CLAN'S TEACHING AND WHAT NOT HIS PROBABLY ABOUT TO ASK YOU FOR A FIGHT

“You’ll make a great husband someday Xingqiu, I know it! Your future wife would be so happy!”

“I want you to be my wife though”

“What was that?”

“NOTHING!”

He knows he needs to move so he can win your heart but how can he when you were dodging every advance he makes

What is more frustrating is that YOU ARE NOT EVEN DOING IT ON PURPOSE

As an author he wants to experience romance first hand, so he tries to be romantic about it but this was frustrating

He decided to pull his last technique from his sleeves

He lent you a very romantic book and between one of the pages he inserted a paper that read “I wish for you to be my muse.”

If that doesn’t work Xingqiu is going to ask you to fight him

Zhongli

Zhongli, Rex Lapis aka Morax has lived thousands of years

Yet this is the first time he encountered someone so dense at first he taught you were just kidding and pretending but when he described what he likes in someone which was pertaining to you

You simply said “WOW THEY SOUND WONDERFUL AND YOU MUST REALLY LIKE THEM BECAUSE YOU SOUND SO IN LOVE” at his face with genuine awe, there was no sign of you being flustered and whatnot

Hu Tao was there to witness this and the younger female had a good laugh when she witnessed this

Zhongli is now praying to Guizhong for help and patience

He first wondered if the reason for such behavior was because you dislike him but it wasn’t the case because you would always smile when you see him

Which makes his knees very weak

In heaven, all the dead gods are laughing at him

He has lived for so many years and yet he doesn’t know what to do because he wants to spend years with you

But a part of him says this isn’t right because his an immortal and you were a mortal, someday him being a former god would drive an enigma in the future

That’s why he was also hesitating on his part

“Zhongli, look-look! A merchant from Monstad gave me a Cecilia!” - you snapping him from his thought, he's a tall man so you had to tip-toe to put the flower in his hair

“There you look even prettier now!” - you smiling up to him

As you were withdrawing your hand, Zhongli grabs it and places it in front of his lips

“I love you Y/N”

[warmcookiepuff]

BEING BESTIES W/ SOME JJK CHARACTERS; Yuuji, Megumi, Nobara, Gojou and Sukuna.

Notes: Look. I know we all simp terribly for our husbandos/waifus but I just wanted to write a simple hc about what it's like to be their besties

Warning(s): slight cursing. I indulged too much on Sukuna.

Includes: gn! reader, fluff, chaotic energy, mentions of romance (just light)

Itadori Yuji

He's friends with everyone, says hi to strangers and probably would be besties with every old lady he meets so it wasn't hard to be friends with him.

But the second he becomes besties with you, shit's gonna get borderline chaotic.

3AM and y'all can't sleep? McDonald's parking lot with an abandoned shopping car would sound damned fine. You both remember the moment as 'Chicken Nuggies and the Wind' since he t-posed on the moving cart whilst eating nuggies (you both almost scratched a Ferari).

If you weren't a jujutsu sorcerer in training, he'd still try to sneak you in his room to watch some movies. You with the snacks, leaving Yuji in charge of the movie picking (you can't decide to save your life)

Cuddles! Nothing wrong with besties cuddling. He's extremely respectful to your s/o (if you have one) and are probably good friends with them too!

Though the second you come to him crying, they were already being patched up in the hospital. Won't hit a woman, against his morals, but he will make sure she never speaks to you again.

Understanding, chaotic besties! An arm around your shoulder when someone's obviously making you uncomfortable, he's the one barking when he sees someone slip something into your drink.

The friend to help you find your way out of a frat house. Makes sure you're getting touched with your consent and sober. All you need to do is give him a sign that you're alright and he'll give you a thumbs up before leaving.

Definitely the friend you'd open up to (about anything) and not be treated differently after so.

You told him about your problems a few minutes prior. It was quiet, a bit too quiet. And you were worried he might leave you for it.

"Ey, Y/N. Wanna go to McDonald's again? I think they have that burger you like," He blurts, catching you off guard. You raise your eyebrows before smiling gratefully.

"Sounds great, Itadori."

You guys talk about women with butts all the time. Not out of thirst or anything, it would just be a random thought that comes up and one of you would contribute to the other. You once mentioned something about Jennifer Lawrence and he would not stop talkinf about her. It was hilarious how much he was drooling.

You wear his hoodies and he's fine with it. Thinks you look good in them. Sukuna teases you both about your relationship and Yuji slaps his mouth shut before he says anything more.

"You look great in them, Y/N," Itadori grins, rummaging through his closet to find more hoodies.

"Thank you. They're pretty comfy," You mention the fabric and the fluffiness. He listens to you intently before Sukuna pops out from his cheek.

"Ehhh? This is the one you think about everyday--," Itadori has never slapped his cheek so hard before in his life.

Megumi Fushiguro

Honestly, pretty chill dude.

He has a small group of people he trusts, and a smaller one to which he considers to be his good friends.

So to be his best friend, you must've gained a huge amount of respect from him; saved him, maybe even overheard something you shouldn't have and kept quiet about it on your own accord.

You would have a 'you aren't comfortable with it, so I'm not forcing anything' vibe to which he would be relieved to know. Though even so, you are the more hyper one in the platonic relationship.

Outings would consist of trips to libraries or quiet nights on the couch with your legs entangled together with lo-fi music playing in the background.

Not much talking, Megumi likes to keep to himself and you have no problem with the comfortable silence you both bring together.

Though sometimes it gets too quiet so you annoy the hell out of him to get his attention; cheek poking, soft arm punches, slight pushing.

Megumi ignores this, finding your actions a bit cute. If it gets too annoying, he will get up and leave, having you trail behind him, whining like a child wanting candy.

Yuji would join in. Definitely. Nobara too if she was bored enough.

"Megumi~ I want your attention~," You whine, running after the raven-haired man.

"Yeah! Yeah! Pay attention to Y/N!" Yuji supports you. You clap your hands together, only to be hit with a shoe by Megumi.

He would never do anything outside of your comfort zone. If you had an s/o, they both would be neutral with each other.

If you were to get hurt from said s/o, they would leave your house with a bloody knuckle. He wouldn't hit a girl, but he definitely will destroy whatever life she has outside of your relationship with her.

Parties are a no-go for him, unless his friends force him to. He's the designated driver with three other drunk children (Hint; Yuuji, Nobara and you). He wouldn't carry anyone else but you back to your room.

"Jeez, Y/N. You should know how to handle your alcohol," Megumi sighs, laying you on top of your bed gently and pulling the covers up.

"Nngh. Didn't know it was alcohol," You groaned. He smiles, patting your cheek before getting up to leave.

"I'll get you some painkillers in the morning, alright?"

You can wear his sweatshirts if you annoy him about it (he secretly likes how comfortable you are around him). He thinks you look charming in them, Yuji never shuts up about your friendship. It's the few times he's seen Megumi genuinely smile.

Nobara Kugisaki

Radiates bad bitch energy.

It isn't easy in the first stages since she has standards with friends but the second you both find something similar about each other, it's an immediate ride-or-die friendship.

You would need a major backbone, 'I'm too hot for this bs' kinda vibe (it's canon that the reader is a bad bitch, periodt). You would have arguments with her but it's pretty basic stuff like the perfect colour for nailpolish or whether Maki deserves the Earth or the universe (you both agree it's the universe).

Outings consists of shopping malls and popular cafes. You take selfies everytime you see something relatively new.

Talk about anything under the sun -- newest trends, new food to try out, Maki -- but her favourites are hearing you talk about your day. If you weren't a jujutsu sorcerer, she'd visit your apartment, give you a hug and sit on the couch to listen to you blabber away about something that isn't related to curses or death. She needs time to rewind and you never mention how vulnerable she looks when she's tired.

"Uh-huh and what happens next?" Nobara asked, carressing your hair as you lay on her lap.

"He wouldn't stop following us! It was so creepy! No means no right? Like why would you waste your energy following a group of friends who aren't interested?" You ranted on. Nobara simply nods in agreement, smiling at your annoyed face.

She doesn't mind your s/o, probably would just say hi before leaving you two alone. She doesn't have a problem about her friends having a relationship, she does, however, gets pissed that she isn't in one.

If you come to her crying about them, she would slither in some 'fuckin told you they were gonna do it' or 'I told you so'. Though it makes you upset, you know she's gonna trash their house the second you leave the room.

Your (now) ex would suddenly be cancelled beyond belief, you wouldn't know what happened to them.

Despite the bad bitch personality, you are the more patient one.

Parties is a yes. She comes in as a self-confident woman and will leave self-confident and drunk. She's the life of the party and pulls you into conversations to keep you company. Even if you don't contribute much to the conversation, she makes sure you aren't out of her sight. She's not the type to bring a friend to a party and leave them the second after. She cares about you even if her way of showing was a bit too pushy.

You share clothes with her and she'll give you comments about it.

"The shirt doesn't fit. No, no. The other one. Yeah, that one."

"Who cares if people say you aren't supposed to wear skirts? Your ass rocks better in those than mine. Just take them."

Personally likes dressing you up, doesn't like dressing you up for dates though. Still doesn't know why.

Gojou Satoru

God, the willpower you have to even tolerate this man is immense.

It's not hard to be his friend, all you have to do is do something that amuses him and he'll keep teasing you about it.

In this platonic relationship, you're the more calm one. People call you to take care of Gojou constantly, and you're the only one he allows to scold him.

He goes for missions half the time so it's rare to see you both go for outings. The most you've been together outside of Jujustu Tech and work hours was in a bar with Nanami (you both bond over the fact that Gojou is terrible to work with). He got too drunk and started slurring his words.

"Y/N~ stohp flirting with Nanamin and talk to meee," He whines, pinching your cheeks as you sigh.

"We are simply talking about your bad work habits, Satoru," Nanami answers whilst shaking his head, downing another drink before he gets up to leave. "I'll take him home, rest well Y/N."

"Noooo, I want Y/N!"

A needy best friend. Constantly asks for attention. If you ignored him, he would only make the situation slightly more annoying -- similar to Megumi's Y/N, the basic cheek poking and whining.

Your s/o would probably hate him, he's a bit too flirty and likes to hug you in public. People mistake you both for a couple rather than the s/o at hand. Don't be surprised if it's the main reason your relationships don't end well.

If you come to him upset because of them, he wouldn't waste a second to zoom to your shared apartment and 'deal' with the person. Would come back with a smile and some takoyaki. No blood on him since he used his infinity.

Parties are alright with him. He's the cool flirty dude everyone seems to fawn over. Would accompany you for half an hour, only to leave with another chick to a nearby bedroom. You never end up partying with him after opening the God forsaken door and he's never stopped trying to make it up to you.

Other than the traumatic event, he'd a bit of a douche but still tries to look for you in the crowd. He waves once he sees you and flashes a reassuring smile before continuing his talk with the others.

You don't share clothes with him simply because it's Gojou. Who knows when the last time he washed his clothes.

Though he's willing to share. You're just more reluctant, really. Finds it cute when his shirts are slightly bigger than you. If you're built bigger than he is, he would like how tight it looks on your body.

"Starting to think you look better in my clothes than I am. And that's a pretty good compliment." He grins.

Hates the fact you never take his compliments seriously. Says it from the bottom of his heart, he really thinks you're charming.

Ryomen Sukuna

God, was it hard trying to befriend this curse of a man. An asshole, he stuck his feet out to trip you over multiple times before cackling like a damned demon (which he is).

Though you're always genuine with him. You liked having conversations with him and listen to him boast about himself for hours. Guess that's when he saw you as a close acquaintance.

Would never tell you you're his best friend. Never. Not once. Him simply acknowledging you was enough for everyone to know he favored one person.

Being friends with Sukuna meant being friends Yuji. Itadori always apologizes on his behalf and you would always laugh, telling him it's alright. Sukuna gets annoyed by this though.

"Stupid human. Who do you think you are being all mush with this useless vessel of mine?" He sneered the second he could pop out. You shrugged, taking some popcorn to feed him.

"He's a pretty good guy. You should cut him some slack," You answered, stuffing some popcorn to your face as well

Will constantly threaten to kill you but you never paid heed. You know you're his only friend. You don't agree with his actions but you find the curse interesting.

Literally the only person who's allowed to tease him. You get away with things most curses would get killed from. You once hand him super hot sauce for his pancakes and he glared at you for the remainder of his time being conscious in Yuji's body. You found the plate broken with a fork stabbed through it.

You aren't allowed to go on outings with Sukuna (obviously) so you both spend your time within Yuji's room. Not allowed to go out since everyone'll freak out seeing Yuji with tattoos resembling the King of Curses.

"Humans are so boring," Sukuna groaned, his head on the bedstand. "All they do is just sit around doing nothing but scroll through their stupid boxes." You smiled at him.

"Not my fault you commit mass genocide for fun. I'd say we're pretty passive."

He would literally never care about your love life. Still has the old man mentality that romance meant sex and that was about it. If they were to meet, the curse would just roll his eyes and turn the other way.

Getting hurt by your s/o results to hurtful teasing and bloodshed. No in-between, no nothing. He wouldn't know how to comfort you properly so he'd send Yuji in his place. Would sit at the back of Yuji's mind getting pissed that he was hugging and rubbing your back gently as if he couldn't have done it himself (literally sent Yuji only to judge him).

Not allowed to go out so parties is also a no-go BUT since this is just a headcanon, let's imagine it's college AU.

College AU Sukuna would love parties -- he throws them, orders his friends to invite hot girls and frat guys. And invites you himself. No one would know you were friends since he never mentions it but will literally choke anyone who looks at you like you're a piece of candy.

Gets way too drunk and probably have railed 3 people to cloud 9 in a matter of 2 hours but still go out just to check up on you. He doesn't necessarily care but he hates having the sick feeling that you were in possible danger somewhere he wouldn't be able to see you.

Stare at you for a good 3 seconds before leaving you alone. You'd never know he was there.

Clothes! His clothes are Yuji's and he barely even keeps his shirts in tact. Does he care whether you wear it or not? No.

Is he pissed? Slightly.

This took me two days, I'm not sure if it sounds canon anymore. Anyways, thank you for reading!

♡︎ literate-simp

[uweiy]

I'm intrigued by Love is Science? but know nothing about it. Can you give me a run down on what kind of thing to expect and who it might appeal to? Thank you!! 😁

Ooooo boi *gremlin smile* I'm glad you asked. You've entered the dragon's den, broken the dam and thus this post turned out to be a monster so I'm gonna link here another post from @accidentallyadramablog which imo gives a nice (and short) overview.

That said let's get into

Love is Science?

Summary :

Yan Fei is a the CEO of the Love is Science marriage agency, that matches people based on scientific data. Hsuan Yu, 8 years younger than her, is a promising young hairstylist who has been in love with her thoughout their entire childhood when she has only ever seen him like a little brother.

Unexpectedly they meet again. Between the way they've each built their lives and how Yong Yan Fei's ex husband still looms over Yan Fei's life, how will their relationship develop this time around ?

Now,

just reading that summary I know what you're thinking.

Indeed, if you have some experience with dramas, you might recognize some TYPICAL TYPICAL tropes – let's get them out of the way :

love triangle (though we all know who she is going to end up with don't we)

childhood friends

'noona romance'

And they are every bit as present and as trope-ey as you would expect.

However, as they say, the devil is in the details.

And particularly, in the side characters. Let me give you a quick rundown of the lot of them :

As such, we follow the stories of multiple relationships that develop parallel to one another.

The relationships

• Yan Fei/ Hsuan Yu : Not much needs to be added I think. Their storyline might be the most predictable but they are pretty sweet and heartwarming. pining for like 12 years though poor Hsuan Yu. Anyway you can enjoy it or find it boring or but you can't hate it.

• Mark/Ouwen : Noooow we're getting to it. Their dynamic is so... Refreshing and unique. Confident gay with a soft heart and dumb disaster bisexual I mean *chef kiss*👌delicious

After the disasters of their first meetings, it's a cat and dog relationship where Ouwen is the hsssssss don't touch me– cat and Mark is the golden retriever trailing after him not really realizing the rampage he's creating in Ouwen's heart. while Ouwen is like "Remind me why the FUCK I caught feelings again ?".

IDK it just has everything 'Enemies' to friends to lovers, (not actually) unrequited love, pining, sweet moments, jealousy, feelings realization, snarky banter... What more could one want.

• Cho Nai Hui / You Fu : they are. So. So sweet. Both are older and have experience, and as such they are not so naive or stupid as the youngsters. Them sharing their life experiences and going on dates like typically teenagers (in movies or TV shows anyway) would is refreshing to see and really really heartwarming.

• Liu Sheng Ying/ ??? Her ex ? : The show hinted at a wlw storyline and this arc seems to have JUST begun. Basically Sheng Ying's ex comes to Love is Science as a client and requests Sheng Ying as an advisor, while Sheng Ying still seems heartbroken over her. I can't WAIT to see how it develops.

The friendships :

Something I greatly appreciate is that both the romantic relationships AND the friendships have a great importance in the drama.

• Joanna and Yan Fei : Jo, queen Jo 👑. She's just here to gossip, get all the gossip and be the voice of reason and we love her for it. You can see how comfortable they are around each other and how they were there for each other during tough times and still are. Kudos to the actresses because I believed the characters were besties in a heartbeat.

• Hsuan Yu and Mark : they are honestly... Such polar opposites you kinda wonder how they became friends but they are and it works perfectly.

Hsuan Yu still hasn't gotten he maybe shouldn't take Mark's advice, and Mark still hasn't gotten that he, definitely should take Hsuan Yu's. It also enables to develop a more playful and mischievous side to Hsuan Yu, giving him more depth?

• Ouwen and Sheng Ying: rivalry to reluctant solidarity to friends-but-i-will-deny-it-if-asked to just friends. IT'S GREAT

I also ejoy the fact that these multiple storylines are allowed to coexist. The romantic ones, the friendships, older, younger, m/f m/m and f/f like take your pick !! And tbh a WLW storyline ?????? These are so scarce I will take anything.

The recurring themes :

The show more or less subtly touches on some topics/issues, to which the dating aspect contributes to.

A non exhaustive list would be

Divorce, and how divorced women can be viewed as failures for some reason

How successful men over 30 are sought after but successful women after 30 are somehow deemed undatable

Preconceived notions and homophobia

And beyond the topics, there's just things like... Joanna not being interested in long term relationships nor wanting to get married, reporting sexual harassment, older people going on dates.... I'm not saying it's a groundbreaking activist drama –which is not really what I was looking for– I just appreciate the fact that it is a pretty mainstream drama and that these things are there.

Mad respect if you've made it up to here ! but we're not quite done yet.

The cast and crew :

The other element that made this drama stand out for me besides the side characters is the cast.

It might be weird that such a meta thing impacts the appreciation of the show but it did, for me at least.

📣📣TMI WARNING 📣📣

For me what happened is I stumbled onto Mark and Ouwen cuts on YouTube, then somehow onto the behind the scenes. They weren't subbed at the time so I could barely understand a word of what they were saying, thus I'm not sure what but something about how the rest of the actors, the director and the crew were interacting just told me it was a show worth watching or at least checking out.

📣📣END OF TMI📣📣

The cast honestly seems to have a blast and to have, how to say it, come together really well. It seems like most of them have become genuinely friends, or despite differences in personality have truly enjoyed working with one another and with the rest of the crew, and it shows.

Where it's lacking

In my opinion the show does have some aspects where it underperforms.

As previously mentioned, the main plot is kinda tropey, furthermore, in a drama typical fashion when something is about to get resolved, immediately something else happens. Nothing unexpected from a drama though.

The pacing : Some moments of the main plot especially dragged on, so I admit I skipped through some parts.

Because I feel so strongly about all the characters though, I don't really mind the previously mentioned points. I just think it's a shame because I feel like if it had been crafted a little bit better it could have made the show go from an 8/10 good drama to an 11/10 friggin amazing drama easy.

Lastly, there is a pretty unequal time distribution so Yan Fei and Hsuan Yu do tend to occupy the most part of an episode. However some episodes are more centered on some pairings (like ep 11 that will probably have an important Mark/Ouwen part).

Overall

it's a drama that warms my heart, as simple as that. It's not that deep, it's pretty funny, the acting ranges from good to excellent and I have taken a liking to a lot of the characters, which is what I think fuels my interest for the drama.

And I feel like it managed to attract a wide range of audiences because the romances and relationships are so diverse. Whether you watch the show for its entirety or for one aspect/storyline/character is entirely up to you and I feel like the creators of the drama are aware of it as well : and you can easily find subbed compilations about each specific pairing on Settv's official YouTube channel.

Take that aspect that you like–if you find one of course–and enjoy it, that is all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What's left to say besides.... 🎉🎊 Congratulations for making it to the end of this lengthy post !

[tundrainafrica]

Do you think levihan is canon?

I’m guessing you’re not asking about my overall opinion on 139, so I’ll just leave it here as a Levihan opinion. I could probably do another rant about my overall opinion of the ending but probs another time.  

And I have been meaning to make this meta for a while and I kinda wanted to wait for the last chapter cause for some crazy reason, I was a clown hoping that Levihan would just suddenly happen? Like maybe in the paths, she walks to him or something 

But woop. We have to search again for the crumbs like we’re on some scavenger hunt. 

And you know what? I like it this way. Thank you Yams for not butchering your characters over one ship. Thank you for portraying so realistically what romance between two mature adults with responsibilities is actually supposed to look like. 

So yeah, before we go into it, I did go around asking about other ships and I realized, maybe we have been using the word ‘canon’ incorrectly. Or so, that’s the first thing I thought. 

I had a conversation with my sister a few days back (who hates Levihan if it isn’t obvious), and she used to be an avid Klaroline shipper back in the day (The Vampire Diaries), and she explained that a the fandom actually don’t see Klaroline as a canon couple even if they were teased throughout the show (fucked, kissed and everything in between) since it isn’t end game. 

So to lay out my terms here and just be incredibly clear about it. I consider Levihan canon, but I do not consider them end game because they obviously aren’t, 132 happened and Hange didn’t come back.. 

So what do i mean by canon? 

There are lots of nuances here to consider when we call them canon. 

For one, fandoms wait for the couple to be ‘official’ kiss and all. Other fandoms wait for the end before they say it, because no matter how many times two characters fuck, kiss and declare their undying love, if they don’t commit, if they don’t make it to the end, then it’s not canon. 

When I say Levihan is canon, I clearly mean,  even if they didn’t end up together, they probably could have still been in a relationship, they probably could have still been in love. They probably actually held a stronger and much more nuanced bond than whatever main couple we watch in some sappy romantic drama. 

And maybe they actually did fall in love behind closed doors? Maybe they meta-ed their own relationship together and maybe they’ve discussed it and maybe they were aware. ( have a meta about it here)

But here’s the thing, we’ll never know, because in Season 4, after A LOT of the development of their relationship could have been implied, Levi and Hange were separated from each other so we actually didn’t get a lot of scenes of them closely together until 115, 126 etc. 

And here is the part where people call me delusional? Because people who invalidate our ship like to do that.

Because yes.. They’re just ultra mega besties. 

AND I GET SO FRUSTRATED AT THIS TAKE. LIKE SINCE WHEN HAS ROMANCE EVER RUINED FRIENDSHIPS?

It doesn’t make any sense??? Like I have no idea how people are having relationships when the first they think when they get into a relationship is “I don’t wanna ruin this friendship,” 

I get confessing and rejecting can ruin a relationship but getting into a relationship? How does that ruin a friendship. 

I’m sorry I know that is such a trope but like yo, half the time when people ask about me and my boyfriend (who started of as bestfriends) WE GOT INTO THIS RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE WE WANTED TO BE ‘BESTIES’ IN OTHER DIMENSIONS AS WELL. 

AND WE WANTED TO BE SUPER ULTRA MEGA BESTIES (lovers in short). 

It is inevitable that you will be best friends with your partner. Yo, if your partner aint one of your besties or one of your most trusted confidants, you might wanna... you know, reevaluate your relationship???

There are so many layers to love than just kiss kiss smooch a

Like, I’m incredibly choosy with romance ships like if people noticed, I only ever have written this much for Levihan. 

And one main reason for this really is because writers have a tendency of messing with a story, doing things that don’t make sense so the couple that is slated to get together, actually ends up together.

And the development never seemed natural half the time? Because some writers are just obsessed with making their pair happen. And what do they do after? They put them into so much drama which makes me question the overall health of the relationship.

nd I dunno, media is probably messing with this perspective of love by saying obviously problematic relationships are canon. So yeah even if he punched his girlfriend ONCE, and even if she cheated on him ONCE, they probably still loved each other so they’re canon lmao.

And call me a puritan here or something but there are certain things people do in a relationship and when it happens I will just sit there and say, that ain’t love, do you guys even love each other? 

And sorry I’m probably that asshole friend who would probably hate your toxic partner and will probably just tell you I’m not showing up to your wedding if I don’t like your partner.

I will not condone cheating AT ALL. I personally do not want to consider ‘canon’ any relationship where two people cheat on each other. I personally do not wanna consider ‘canon’ a relationship that thrives on miscommunication issues either because I dunno if I just got into the wrong relationship or something? But like at the age of 24, we actually talk stuff out 

Like woah, there are couples who don’t talk things out? Like what do you do when you’re stuck with each other 24/7? NOt TALK? 

I will consider canon any ship that runs on implicit trust, this belief that they should be constantly there with each other. Because that’s what love is. That’s what a relationship is and I’m gonna live my whole life believing that these are the only things that make up love for me. 

Love is trust. Love is a strong bond. Love is just two people giving and taking and sacrificing for each other. And Love is this commitment to make something work with the other person. 

And if it isn’t any of the things above, ‘sorry for invalidating’ but it ain’t love and by extension, it ain’t canon for me.  

Tbh, I think that’s the reason Levihan has been incredibly uneventful relationship wise actually made it so much for me that I thought they were pretty much canon. I still have issues with how Eremika was pulled off even if they were blatantly canon and had more than enough blatant crumbs. 

Because sure Eren and Mikasa did love each other but I guess their relationship was just so problematic since the start that even I was like ‘do you guys really love each other?’ half the time and I was constantly thinking about Mikasa’s mental health there like yo, why you so obsessed with him. There’s literally a Jean there who would probably treat you 124543x better,  

But for Levi and Hange we had parallels with Eremika. And we had crumbs

With putting his crumbs for Levihan, from the airplane, unrequited titan love, let’s live together, Hange’s longing face and the Levi’s dedicate your heart and the fact that HANGE NEVER LEFT HIS SIDE UNTIL THEY DIED, come on, I don’t know what people aren’t seeing. 

But the point is, (Okay understandable since Levi and Hange are older), Personally I just believe Levi and Hange approached their relationship more like mature adults than hormonal teenagers. Like so sorry, they decided to approach their relationship like adults instead of some teenager who bird poops on any guy who tries to cheat on Mikasa. 

Here’s the thing, Hange probably never would have complained like Eren. I honestly believe it was totally in character for her to just look down on him longingly from the paths. And I personally believed Levi had approached their relationship with a kind of acceptance like ‘ ay yo, we’re too busy for this but maybe after the war?’ that’s why even towards the end, the only way he lets himself be reminded of her was through watching the airplane and thinking of her. *fudge I’m tearing up* 

I guess the fact that they really approached this relationship and this bond like how they’re characters were supposed to, the fact that they threw everything away for the sake of the war. Yet the fact that we saw ALL THIS CRUMBS that there could have been something more if they just weren’t captain and commander in the middle of the war, just makes this so fucking canon to me. 

I would probably be speculative if we just had 115? Or maybe just 126? Or maybe just 132? But the thing is, the crumbs never stopped coming. There were so many things Yams could have CHOSEN not to do. But he did everything so deliberately from ‘let’s live together’ to ‘unrequited love’ to the Eremika parallels. 

Did he have to draw that airplane in the air and Levi making eye contact with Onyakopon? Okay I wonder why he did that? Cause really what connects Levi to Onyakopon? WHAT PLANE SCENE CONNECTS LEVI TO ONYAKOPON? 

I dunno man, but really at this point, this is so canon. Like sure Eremika takes the cake for most blatantly canon. 

But given the terms I’ve stated above for what I believe romance, love, relationships and canon is for me. 

Levihan is canon and it probably is the most canon relationship for me. Because the blatant lack of drama in the portrayal of their relationship for me just proves, Levi and Hange were very sure about their relationship with the other, I could probably say they were the two surest people in love in the whole damn show. 

THEY JUST COULDN’T GET TOGETHER BECAUSE OF CIRCUMSTANCES. (WHICH MAKES THEM ALL THE MORE ADMIRABLE ANYWAY)

So thanks for reading and sorry about this major ass rant. 

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 09 first part

(Masterpost) (More Canary Funsies)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

This episode features so many eternal minutes of zombie shambling that I thought I could fit everything into a single post. HA HA HA HA nope. 

Zombie Temple

The trio do their best to fend off the not-zombies in the temple. Lan Wangji tells Wei Wuxian that he can’t go carving them up because they’re not actually dead, and drops a callback to their very first meeting at the gate of Cloud Recesses, when Wei Wuxian caught his attention with his pillowy lips comment on the not-dead cultivator. 

Lan Wangji: You said it in that golden moment that will be seared into my memory for eternity, where I heard your voice and laid eyes on your angelic face and lost my heart forever, remember? Come on, babe, it was our very first zombie! How baked were you?

Wei Wuxian: I jerk off to the sword-fighting memory, not the zombie memory, you weirdo.

Nie Huaisang’s fear of the definitely not undead has apparently gotten him the rest of the way over his fear of Lan Wangji, because he’s now yelling “Lan-Xiong!” right along with “Wei-Xiong!” as he struggles. Note that although he later mentions that his fan is made of some fancy metal, we don’t see any evidence that he wants to fight with a fan any more than he does with a blade. I don’t hate anyone’s fan-fighting NHS headcanon, but my take is that he just isn’t a physical fighter, and that’s ok. 

This is a good time to remember that our entire experience of the Nie clan so far in this story is 1. Clever but hopelessly combat-unready tiny artiste Nie Huaisang 2. Quietly helpful, absurdly pretty sidekick Meng Yao. 

We don’t know yet that Nie Huasang’s gege and Meng Yao’s sugar daddy is literally the toughest motherfucker in the entire cultivation world. But his friends do! Which makes me love these dynamics even more, because not one of them criticizes Nie Huaisang for being the person he is. 

(more after the cut!)

Never Let Me Go

This scene is where Wei Wuxian gives his tacit consent to being used as the eventual agent of Nie Huaisang’s vengeance....ok not really.

But he does make it clear what Nie Huaisang should do when he’s in a pickle. And NHS doesn’t forget things.

Priorities 

Meanwhile, Lan Wangji isn’t nearly as patient as Wei Wuxian, and he drops a silence spell on Nie Huaisang basically out of annoyance. It’s not like they’re trying to be sneaky. 

Lan Wangji: How about you have an exquisitely crafted ceramic cup of shut the fuck up?

Flute Girl

Wen Qing comes to the rescue by summoning all of the not-zombies, who happen to be her extended family, to come toast some marshmallows. 

She’s another person who unwisely demonstrates, where Wei Wuxian can hear her, the power of flutes over zombies. 

This move doesn’t seem to do anything important but it looks cool. 

Brother Dynamic: Bad. Really Bad. 

Jiang Cheng shows up in the temple and trolls everyone, because this is a great time for childish antics. Wei Wuxian is super happy to see him and runs over to hug him, which earns him a shoulder slam. 

This is a regular part of their body language with each other. Wei Wuxian covers his hurt reaction very, very quickly, with a smile that doesn’t involve very much of his face. 

Ow

Wei Wuxian is so good at pretending his feelings aren’t hurt, he probably convinces himself. 

Then he gives a too-honest answer when Jiang Cheng accuses him of...daring to enjoy himself, basically.

That’s more truth than Jiang Cheng was looking for, and he raises a hand to Wei Wuxian, who hides behind Nie Huaisang. This move is interesting because on one level it’s just clowning; obviously Nie Huaisang can’t protect WWX from anything, and WWX doesn’t need protection from Jiang Cheng. 

WWX can easily beat JC in a fight, as he’s let us know before. On another level, this retreat signals WWX’s harmlessness, his childlike-ness, in a semiotic dance that has been playing out for over a decade between the brothers.  NHS is taking on Jiang Yanli’s role in the choreography, this time.   

All of this troubling hostility doesn’t make Jiang Cheng a bad person. He’s young and he’s still under his parents�� control and subject to their abuse at home. It takes time to develop mindfulness about this stuff and learn to treat people beneath you differently than the way you are treated. 

Jiang Cheng isn’t ready for that yet, any more than he is ready to say out loud that he cares about his brother. 

Leave My Boyfriend Out of It

This interaction is noteworthy for Wei Wuxian defending Lan Wangji to his brother, before Jiang Cheng even has a chance to blame Lan Wangji. 

Wei Wuxian says that following Lan Wangji was his own idea, and then gives LWJ the sweetest, warmest smile.

Lan Wangji also gets a pair of totally unearned, delighted smiles of thanks from his two besties when he lifts the silence spell on Nie Huaisang. 

Being mildly dickish all the time works out fine, I guess, if you only make friends with people whose brothers are legendary grouches.

Grilling Wen Qing

Wei Wuxian finally decides he’s had enough of Wen Qing’s crap, and gets slightly aggressive in questioning her.

He’s not actually roughing her up but he is approaching her as a near-enemy for the first time, rather than as someone who wants to be her friend. Once Wen Qing tells him what’s up and agrees to a sort of temporary alliance, he goes back to being his normal slightly awkward self with her. 

I don’t romance-ship WQ and WWX, except maybe as corpse-mountain era FWB, but I do like their chemistry. And their friendship is really refreshing and interesting, based on sharing goals and working together, not on emotional intimacy. It’s nice to see people with a lot of barriers around their hearts, building a strong, trusting bond without having to actually open up very much.

The idea of perfect sharing between people is a nice one, but it’s pretty alien to many of us who are recovering from trauma, or people who just aren’t wired that way, and it’s good to see other models of friendship and love. 

Wei Wuxian, at Lan Wangji’s direction, parts the Red Sea drops a cage on the other 3 cultivators before going to hunt the dire birdy.  

Jiang Chang is, predictably, pissed off about it, in spite of Wei Wuxian’s “you’re good at this” parting words, and says, according to the subtitles, “you bastard!”

“Bastard” is a pretty specific epithet, in English. In the current century, it’s generally used to mean “asshole,” more or less. But it still does carry the meaning “of illegitimate birth,” and since The Untamed is often concerned with legitimacy it seems pretty strong for JC to use with someone who is rumored to be his own Dad’s by-blow. 

Let’s have a look and see what he really is calling him... 你混蛋 =  Nǐ húndàn = “you bastard” per Google translate. Wow, Jiang Cheng, you really went there, huh. 

Wen Granny

Wen Qing and the others in the golden cage watch as the not-zombies try half-heartedly to get to them. Wen Qing is super sad about it, as opposed to the two guys who are just annoyed (Jiang Cheng) or scared (Nie Huaisang).

The first time I saw this, it was just - oh, Wen Qing sympathizes with this poor random woman, she feels bad about what's happening, this is to show us she has a heart.

Now though --  that's HER granny. Maybe not her bio-grandma but clearly a granny of her clan, who she knows well, who later cares for A-Yuan when he's a child, so may very well have cared for A-Qing and A-Ning when they were small, too. Owie.

Dire Bird Hunting

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian run off to hunt the smoke bird together. They are quickly trapped in cool-looking fog. Kudos to the Director of Photography.

They spend some time being confused and also being peak Wangxian 1.0 as they help each other out. 

Lost in the fog and unable to summon talismans, Wei Wuxian is mainly about checking on Lan Wangji, making sure he’s ok, making sure he’s near.  He doesn’t spare any worry for himself.

(We get a rare instance of seeing an actually glowing sword here, instead of just having a character say “I saw the beams of swords!” to save money on VFX.)

Lan Wangji, meanwhile, understands the mental attack they are under, explains it to Wei Wuxian with only a little snark about Wei Wuxian’s overly busy mind, and teaches him how to handle it.

Lan Wangji is super disciplined in mind, body, and sword - his fight moves don’t change, really, throughout his life, but he gets better and better at execution. Wei Wuxian isn’t exactly undisciplined, but he’s super creative and busts out a new skill in nearly every encounter. Lan Wangji sees this and is learning to make use of it.

After Lan Wangji helps Wei Wuxian overcome the confusion that is blocking his talisman use, he tells him which talisman to use. 

This isn’t a talisman that LWJ uses himself, it’s just that he’s paying very close attention to WWX’s battle moves, and has a great memory, so he knows which ones will work. In a pretty short timespan he’s moved from thinking like a solo swordsman to thinking as part of a team with a broad range of battle skills. Very soon, he’ll be starting to use Wei Wuxian’s talismans himself. 

WWX takes a hit from the flying death chain, but uses it to his advantage, as in so many encounters. He’s not just self-sacrificing--he is definitely that--but he’s also a chess player, knowing how to use a sacrifice or an injury to his advantage. Cue Lan Wangji being worried for the entire rest of his life.

Part Two is here!

[thequibblah]

⭐ honestly there are so many things that I'd likevto ask which is why I want to ask a broaderish question.. How do you approach the characterisation of your "Main cast"? I think you have created some really great complex characters even though they do not exist in canon or even fanon (Germaine in example)

I hope this isn't too broad lol

no, i don't think it's too broad! just let me know if my answer doesn't actually touch on what you were wondering about haha

character creation for me tends to be spontaneous rather than conscious — i.e. i'm just writing my way through a scene and i'm like anyway, these people are new and they're friends or they're dating or they hate each other, and there's rarely a ton of forethought put into it. the vast majority of the ct cast was like that, i would say, except possibly michael, who was the first love interest i invented so there was a little more intention there

(but other than him i was really pulling things out of nowhere for the rest of the students especially — including with emmeline which sometimes surprises me)

the exception is, of course, the main cast. they and sara were very intentional, and i wrote little bio thingies for them before i started even outlining the fic. i mean the non-canon main cast, of course, lol — mary, dorcas (they're both canon but i've invented virtually everything about them, so), and germaine.

i did actually do a lot of hemming and hawing about how many girls there would be in lily's year in gryffindor. as discussed in a previous "my beef with j/k/r" instalment on this blog, the numbers of the hogwarts population really don't make sense at all, so i knew i could be flexible and kind of hand wave any questionable bits away. but the composition of the gryffindor girls was crucial in deciding lily's characterisation, imo — an easy way to convey implied characterisation is to show someone in contrast to the people around them. so: who is lily within the context of her friend group? is she friends with all the girls she rooms with?

separately, i've always liked writing friends in groups of four. in the planning stage of this i was like urghhh it's four girls, the four marauders, is that like too perfect....... and one thing i HATED was that people could then map on each marauder to each girl (lily = james is a bit questionable, though i firmly believe they're much more alike than they seem, but it kind of works.... mary = sirius, dorcas = remus, germaine = peter). and i didn't, and don't, want to make it seem like i've just made vaguely distinct female versions of each marauder!

i've made my peace with that risk, of course, and i think each of the girls is significantly different from "their marauder" (LOL) that it's actually fine — and, better still, if that thought occurs to anyone i hope that their characterisations will go on to provide interesting nuance to the parallels

but, anyway, tangent aside, i love groups of four because i think basically all my life i've had groups-of-four friendships. to absolutely go to bat for us foursomes, it's nice because no single person is the obvious odd one out, and each combination in pairs brings something different to the table — the role that doe plays in the group of four at large, for instance, isn't exactly the same as who she is in her individual friendship with mary, lily, or germaine.

the three main cast members came of some very clinical answers to those initial questions about lily.

one, i have always liked having mary be one of lily's friends, and in my characterisation of her she's obviously a great foil to lily, as a fellow muggle-born student. so, she was a lock.

two, i wanted to write one other canon order character, but i didn't want it to be marlene because in my reading of her canon mention, lily is unlikely to write a letter to sirius with her full name (paraphrasing but "i was so upset when marlene mckinnon died, i cried for ages") or, indeed, write a letter discussing how sad marlene's death made her, if they were besties and schoolmates. i went with dorcas because why the hell not? in developing her i then added all these thoughts

three, i felt the need to make up an oc so i could have absolute freedom over their fate. i had certain preconceived notions about mary and dorcas and what their stories would be, so there were other things (e.g. playing quidditch) that i wanted to have a friend of lily's do that they couldn't. plus, i wanted to write a massive lesbian.

another little sticking point, though, was that i (for a very SHRUG?? reason) didn't want lily to be besties with everyone she's lived with, but i didn't want to insert a catty rival into her dorm either. (now, don't get me wrong, i do love a good rival. i did, after all, write mary and amelia, and i am a known appreciator of carlotta meloni, and i adore TLE's marlene mckinnon. but i wanted the gryffindor girls to be like lily's safe space — a contrast both to her home life and to her recently-strained friendship with snape, where she's spent some time having to second-guess herself a lot. in my mind her friendships with all three of her besties coalesced at various points organically, until she was like wow wait i do actually have a home base here.)

the compromise was someone who was friendly with lily, but there's no strain on that friendship to be more than it is — which, sara and lily respect each other but have also learned they're not so alike that they need to hang out all the time. sara, to lily, is the girl you do things with because you're schoolmates, and then once you're out of school you amicably drift apart and occasionally leave a nice comment on their instagram

so that was how the gryffindors coalesced in my mind as placeholder figures. i will fully confess i start with tropes and then work out ways to deconstruct them or complicate them — as i've talked about in multiple of these questions, i think a lot of my characters are caught between sticking to their perceived label and acting the way they want to, aka the ripest high school drama fodder known to humankind

Wearing a fake smile and watching her sister’s sickening love life had put things in perspective a little. Why should she always do what was expected of her?

(we construct ourselves in contrast to those around us....)

mary started off as boy-crazy, doe started off as idealistic, and germaine started off as struggling to find her place. then i built up from those foundations, adding in tropey bits i enjoyed and wanted to engage with — i wanted doe to be passionately principled, but the gentler counterpart to mary, and even-tempered where lily runs hot. i wanted germaine to be a little bit thoughtless, changeable, someone utterly herself but still uncomfortable in her own skin. knowing, then, that the other two were going to be, how shall i put it, gentler hearts (LOL), i went back to mary and decided she would have this tough-girl, queen-bee persona.

then doe got her family background, which added in her ambitions and hinted at her future, and made it so her foundation would be threatened by events of the story. obviously i was writing mary in the aftermath of the mulciber/avery incident, so i needed to ask how much her take-no-shit vibe was threatened by it — and if not, why? how? unsurprisingly, even to people like amelia...

“At least I’m not overflowing with insecurity,” said Amelia. Mary laughed. The sound echoed through the courtyard. “We both know that’s not true.”

...the persona is put-on, but the "real mary" is so caught up in the invented mary that even she couldn't hope to uncover an authentic self...nor would she necessarily want to, because her affected self is still her...

wait don't get me started

germaine was already a quidditch player, and i wanted her to be a seeker because that's automatic investment in perhaps the single player with the most impact on the game — crucial for what i knew would be many, many quidditch sequences, where james wasn't always the most important pov! some of that seekery vibe leeched into who she is: she's searching, right from the start, for a sense of self that feels just out of reach:

“This year is going to be a year of change,” Germaine said [...] “Henceforth I will be going by... Gemma.” The girls looked at one another for a beat. Then Lily, Doe, and Mary burst into laughter.

she's more anxious and outwardly uncertain than her friends, and i wanted to consciously engage with that — proper teenage awkwardness, the kind that wouldn't really happen to Main Character lily, I Have No Sense of Shame mary, and I Am Overflowing with Good Sense doe. more than the other three, germaine is a normal person in the context of this world — she's not a muggleborn, so the war has a different impact on her; she's not the child of activists; she's not well-off. an absolutely spontaneous invention that i was really quite thrilled by was having her sister be crouch's secretary, because it's such a sudden, shocking realisation for her that she's got such a close connection in the thick of it

Germaine clapped a hand over her mouth. “Big news soon,” she mumbled. “Big news soon, that’s what Abigail said, only she didn’t say what big news…”

so germaine is really just... living her life, an indie coming of age film in which her friends' subplot is a fucking war LOL

i defined germaine in contrast to the other girls a lot when drawing out the characters for myself, mostly for a practical reason — i didn't want her to overlap too strongly with any of them, since she's the only one who's wholly my invention. i think some of that remains in her characterisation, but i decided to make it conscious instead:

Germaine saw herself as a happy medium, flexible enough to stretch sympathetically between her friends. But— What does it mean that I define myself in comparison to them? Nothing. She was only seventeen and she was finding her way.

i knew germaine was going to get the chaotic sporty romance pretty much right off the bat, but, fun fact, i hadn't actually picked out who her love interest would be until after i started spitballing other sixth years' names and had a basic idea of who emmeline was. wild!

i feel like i haven't said all i want to say but let's stop there or i'd go on forever, ha!

[lets-get-kraken-boys]

MHA Headcanon: Being Apart of Both The Baku + Deku Squads

(Description: Wow! I’m so happy with the amount of praise my FatGum fic has gotten! I cannot thank you guys enough for over 100 likes/reblogs, you all mean the world to me. This idea struck me in the dead of the night and I just had to write it down. Love you!)

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Requester: No One!

Reader Gender: Gender Neutral (They/Them)

Style of Story: Headcanon(s) // Just some funny ideas I had. Nothing extremely romantic about this one, unless you count Denki’s insatiable flirting attempts as romance!

Word Count: 2.7K Words

WARNING(s): None, just a few cuss words here and there.

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DekuSquad

Meeting

You were more than likely an OG of this group (with Deku, Uraraka, and Iida alongside you) and became fast friends on the first day of school together

You went to class early on the first day at UA (which was unusual for you since sleep is high on your priority list), but you wanted to make a good impression on the staff and meet potential new friends or allies in your career

You got there before most, sat in your designated seat, and people watched the unfamiliar faces in the classroom, trying to get a feel of the energy the kids presented. Not long after you sat down did a scene already break out between a stiff, but kind-looking bluenette who shouted orders at an aggressive blonde with spiky hair. They bickered for a bit, it was eventually calmed down by the teacher, but you noticed a few people at the doorway having a conversation

A brown haired girl and a green haired boy who looked like he was about to die from blushing too hard were standing near the door with the bluenette from earlier. They were all smiling so wide and all had such different personalities that it made you smile, deciphering in your head that there was no way you were leaving this school today without saying ‘hi’ them

Eventually, over the course of the school day (before the whole incident with the fake expulsion) you introduced yourself to the three, and you being the sweet cutie you are, were quickly accepted into the trio as one of them

And the rest is pretty much history! All of you became besties from that point on, dragging Tsu, Momo, and a reluctant Todoroki (at first) into the whirlwind that is your friend group!

What Do They Think Of You Personally

Deku: You’re one of his best friends, he can trust you with pretty much anything. He even considers telling you about One For All once, but sadly that is too big of a secret to tell (for now), but he’ll tell you basically anything else! Learning about your quirk, your goals and dreams, and just plain talking with you always puts him at ease. You help him with his life problems and stressors, even when he’s mumbling away and overthinking you give him a moment to let him get all of his thoughts out instead of interrupting him. He hopes to be heroes with you to the very end, never forget that!

Uraraka: She absolutely adores you! Smart, funny, sweet, you’re the whole package. You’re trustworthy and the drive you have in life keeps her motivated to be a hero with you. You help each other out, she values this friendship more than some others. She feels she can go to you for anything, she only hopes that you feel the same way with her because she has no doubt in her mind that she will go to hell and back for you.

Iida: For awhile he didn’t understand why Midoriya and Uraraka liked you so much. Don’t get me wrong, he found you fun to hang out with and nice, but he never really saw why they blindly trusted you. That is, until you came to visit Izuku, Shoto, and him in the hospital the weekend after the Hosu/Stain (but you don’t know about the villain) incident. You wished for them to get better, gave each of them a handwritten card and baked goods before leaving to get back to UA, parting with a wide smile and hugs for them all. He finally fully sees your kind nature and the open honesty you give to everyone, and is ready to be a hero with you for as long as you deem necessary. The kindness you gave him that day affected him more than you will ever know, as you helped him see past his plot of revenge and strive to be a hero not to hurt others but to change the world so tragedies like this never happen again.

Tsu: She noticed early on how you always brighten a room whenever you’re there, so she (along with many others) were drawn to that warmth. She appreciates your understanding and forgiving attitude, she feels like she doesn’t have to hide or be ashamed of who she is around you. The USJ incident really made her think about how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken away, so she is grateful that someone as generous as you decided to be friends with her and the rest of the DekuSquad.

Todoroki: Apprehensive of you at first (like he was with everyone), but after you showed your loyalty and dedication to not your work but your friendships, he wants to get to know you better. It’ll take awhile to get past his cold exterior, but if you stay he’ll consider you one of his greatest allies. Plus, you can teach him how to open up to others and learn to love again, who wouldn’t want to help Shoto?

Momo: She knows she’s smart so she’s more than happy to help you with school work (if you need it, that is). The first time she knew she could fully trust you is when Mineta was perving about her hero uniform and tried to inappropriately touch her, but you grabbed and punted him at least 50 yards into the distance while screaming, “Women's rights, perv!” and ever since that day you’ve been her knight in shining armour. She always thinks about inviting you as her guest first when she has to attend fancy dinners/parties with her parents. She appreciates all your help with protecting her and the other girls in Class 1-A, but also a great friend. If you ever need anything, she’ll be there first to help!

Hanging Out / Having Fun / Random Things

Group. Study. SESSIONS! Seriously. You have some of the smartest people in Class 1-A in the DekuSquad with you, if you don't use that knowledge to your benefit, I’ma slap you. They’re always willing to help one another out, no matter how immense the problem.

Mario Kart, Apples to Apples, even Hide-And-Seek (in and outside the dorms), everything is on the table for Group Game Night (and, yes, Group Game Night is a weekly event)

You train with Deku, Todoroki, and even Uraraka sometimes on the weekends and HOE BOI, you haven’t felt true envy until you jokingly test to see if a cutsie green-haired 16 year old can bench your entire body and feel your soul die as he actually lifts you up and over his head with ease

Your noodle arms could never. You just want to be sTRONG!!! (I feel that)

You cannot make a self deprecating joke in front of them. Ever. Even if you THINK about making one, you will be sat down on a comfy chair, given a glass of milk and a cookie, and counseled on your emotions and well being until the dorm’s curfew

They just love and care about you. Why can’t you see yourself the way they do? (K, I made myself cry with that one.)

Anyways, it’s wholesome, cinnamon roll energy 24/7. Finally, the serotonin we all need.

~

~

----------------

~

~

BakuSquad

Meeting

You’re a little late getting into the BakuSquad, but you get there eventually!

You, Mina, and Kirishima are paired up for a group project in the middle of the year. Sad that you can’t be with your normal friend group in this project, you try to look on the bright side and enjoy their company.

You three end up having way too much fun. Opting to, instead of doing the homework, end up playing video games with Kirishima, Mina, and a flirty blonde named Kaminari, hanging upside down on the ceiling with the smiley blacknette, Sero, pretending to be “Spiderman” while relaxing with the spunky Jiro, and eventually getting caught by the angry blonde from the first day of school named Bakugou, who forces the three of you to sit down and finally get the work done before it was too late, but even that was fun!

Later that weekend, you all plan to meet up at the mall (Bakugou being dragged along by Kirishima) and hang. You ended up running around the different floors laughing like maniacs, getting way too many sugar highs from eating too much candy, somehow end up in a Taco Bell parking lot at 1AM screaming “Bohemian Rhapsody” to the moon while drinking Baja Blasts together, and having to sneak back into the dorms carrying a derpy Kaminari carefully inside because he blew out his power trying to impress you with a flirty pickup line.

You stumbled into your dorm after hearing a quick, “Night, (Y/N)!” from Kirishima since he had kindly walked you to your room to make sure you got back okay, and took a deep breath in while leaning against the door. You walked to your bathroom mirror and looked at your frizzled hair, colorful stained lips from the candy you’d eaten, the empty Baja Blast cup in your hand that you had used as a microphone, and smiled. You have got to stay friends with these idiots.

And that you did, the crazy BakuSquad has a new member!

What Do They Think Of You Personally

Bakugou: I’ll just say this, it takes guts to befriend a person like him, and he knows it, so he pretends to hate you and your determination to stay by his side (as he does with most people) for the LONGEST time. It takes him years to show you his softer sides, but when he does break down those barriers for you it’s well worth the wait. After that, he trusts you with his life, and him with yours. He hates to admit it because he has seen the crazy in you around the others, but you are caring and would take all the time in the world to listen to his or anyone else's problems. He knows you’ve seen the tough things in life and he respects you for it. You’ll be a strong hero, just not better than him!

Kirishima: Honestly after meeting the BakuSquad and now you, his self esteem has never been higher! He was struggling for the longest time with self doubt but after befriending all of you he knows that he finally has a place in this world and people who care about him for more than his quirk. You give him an even bigger reason to keep striving to be a hero, if he can meet amazing people like you in his career path then he never wants to leave. He sees that project as one of the best things that has ever come out of school!

Denki: Definitely tries (and fails miserably) to score a date with you an ungodly amount of times. He can’t help it, you’re so pretty and nice and if you were his significant other he’d be over the moon. If you’re not comfortable with his flirting, he will eventually lay off, but that won’t stop him from daydreaming of being with you. Fate or not, meeting you feels like a dream, and with you being kind to literally everyone around you, it would have been impossible for him to resist being friends with you either way. He loves you and admires your strength as a hero, you’re both gonna go far together.

Mina: She feels that getting paired together for that project was destiny in the works! You make everyone so happy and she feels blessed that she can help you learn how to let loose and go with the flow. You two have an infinite amount of gossip supply, the tea is never not hot or empty. You both have some righteous dirt (but you’re both nice enough to not cause chaos within UA, so it stays on the ground).

Sero: The life the BakuSquad gained from you joining is indescribable. You are like the cool parental figure who turned into a thrill junkie, and seeing that transformation was absolutely hilarious. He enjoys your company, where the room can be filled with noise or dead silent but still be comfortable, he lives to find those people. Plus, being non-judgmental means that he’ll open up to you about more than what others see. 10/10, you two vibe together.

Jiro: Best buddies. You fight alongside her in defending the women of UA from pervs, so that is already a huge gain. She loves sharing her music taste with you and you with her, you’ve opened up her tastes far more than she ever imagined (because of you she listens to the catcher pop songs more now than just straight punk 24/7, good for you!) Your opinion is one of the few she won’t brush off, so she’ll listen to what you have to say too.

Hanging Out / Having Fun / Random Things

The chaotic, feral energy you guys have is something else, my dude. Just thinking about it gives me shivers (I pray for Aizawa sometimes).

Intense battles of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, Just Dance, and Cards Against Humanity every weekend (Bakugou always wins because he gets all the nastiest/funniest cards)

Who you are with the DekuSquad (calm, careful, collected) gets YEETED away when the BakuSquad comes into play. You go batshit, and it feels good! Like, you’re still kind and caring, but you add a dash of crazy in there when Kaminari starts bumping the Crazy Frog song, so you finally decide it’s okay to let loose with them. It’s a full on identity crisis if I’ve ever seen one.

But don’t be mistaken, if ever someone in the squad needs help or is hurt in any way, you’re all over it. You’ll counsel, hug, and/or kill whoever you need to make sure your friends are okay (and vice-versa with everyone else too)

You sometimes train with Bakugou and Kirishima after school. It’s tough, so you don’t do it often, but when you do you never leave feeling you could have put in more effort. Bakugou’s taunts and Kiri’s encouraging words always compel you to give more and more, to the point of you feeling like passing out at the end.

Weird side note: Bakugou’s parents love all of you like you’re their own kids??? IDK why, but I have a feeling if he ever brought the BakuSquad (+ you) home to hang and meet his parents, they would fall in love and adopt you guys faster than Katsuki can say “DIEEE!”

~ ~

----------------

~ ~

Both Groups Together

What Do They Think Of You Being In Both Groups

DekuSquad: They don’t care at all. You’re allowed to be friends with whoever you want. True, they’ll be sad when they make plans together but you can’t make it because you’ve already planned to hang with the BakuSquad and get nervous when they see your Snapchat story update that Denki got himself stuck in a trashcan trying to impress you, but that’s okay! They’ll just let you know if anything important or hilarious happens when you're gone! All in all, it’s great.

BakuSquad: They pretty much feel the same as the DekuSquad, who are they to choose who you associate yourself with, but Bakugou is still pissed to this day that you cannot/will not pick a “side”. He honestly sees it as a test, if he can make you officially be in the BakuSquad and not hang out with those “extras” anymore, then he beats Deku in yet another thing. He’ll eventually come to terms with the fact that your friendships and feelings aren’t a game, but he’ll still keep it a personal goal to try and make his group more enjoyable to be around so you potentially be on only his side. The rest of them don’t view you as property to be owned, your life is your life!

Both Hanging Out: Getting Bakugou to chill with “losers” who aren’t his own team is extremely difficult. He doesn’t play nice with others, even sometimes his own squad! But everyone else enjoys the opposite squad’s vibe, so if you guys wanted to have a group movie night or just a massive hang out, everyone would be down! Get ready for countless nights of gossiping with the girls and playing pranks on other students with the boys (and maybe running away from a furious Aizawa)!

~

~

~ THE END! ~

[autumnblogs]

Day 1: A Young Man Stands In His Bedroom

I don't expect Day 1 to be too eventful, but I'm also pretty wordy.

https://homestuck.com/story/3

Homestuck has this sort of weird relationship with the idea of "Started just now, but always was that way" that I think probably is pretty important to the way it tackles cultural narratives overall. Growing up, cultural narratives have a huge effect on our day to day lives, but we're not really cognizant of them until they are right up in our faces. That's my thesis, by the way, or at least one of them. Homestuck is a story about stories. That's not the only thing that Homestuck is about, and it might not even be the most important thing it's about, but that is one of the things that it's about.

Or maybe I'm full of horseshit. Wouldn't be the first time. More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/4

I like Homestuck’s character intros. They’re cute. Instead of actually characterizing these characters much, they have a pretty strong tendency to sort of create the background radiation of the comic. Like, I don’t think that John and Karkat ever bully each other about the fact that they’re mutually bad at coding, which would be hilarious, but there are loads of weird programming gags in Homestuck that I think are a part of the universe because John is bad at programming as much as they’re there because Andrew was into Comp Sci at this time.

https://homestuck.com/story/6

The first of our funky gaming abstractions. Homestuck is a story about stories, and the kind of story that it’s often about (when it’s not about highly abstract cultural narratives) is the video game. Especially the point and click adventure game.

There are a lot of weird things about Homestuck’s story and themes only because it engages with video games the way it does. I’ll come back to that. As long as I’m writing, this, I might as well take a minute to say that I think this whole sequence of screwing around with puzzling and slightly irritating gaming abstractions loses a lot of people on an archival read. It lost me a couple of times before I was able to get past it and lose the next eight years of my life to Andrew Hussie. Nowadays though, there’s something endearing about it. I like watching John scramble around.

https://homestuck.com/story/12

I’ll never get tired of Dad Egbert. Is he the Platonic Ideal of Dadliness? Maybe. Dadliness, and more generally, Manliness, is a lens we can look at a lot of John’s character arc through. His room, as we’ll see in a few panels, is full of Manly dudes, and I think he cares a lot about being a manly guy - a romantic lead, a badass, maybe some day even a Dad himself. Maybe.

https://homestuck.com/story/16

This one is a new train of thought for me.

Back when this was written, I gather the comic was still being written pretty much entirely off of prompts, and I think it’s probably just part of Andrew’s playfully antagonistic writing style, at least in a Doylist sense. I wonder how much, though, retroactively, we can read the narrative’s general aggression toward John as being his own self-criticism? Sometimes the Narrative in Homestuck is Andrew Riffing. Sometimes it’s a character’s own internal monologue. Often, I think it’s probably both.

 Maybe I’ll keep a tally of how often it happens.

https://homestuck.com/story/26

Our first sign of Dave. I think it’s funny how people glom onto some things and not others. Apple Juice has become practically Dave’s Trademark Favorite Food if you look at some peoples’ perception of the character. I don’t think people think nearly as much about how much of a surly jackass John is to his pals in early acts. He’s a little mean. Is it early installment weirdness? It certainly adds character to him.

:(

Poor Dave. Maybe I’m reading too much into this. I probably am.

https://homestuck.com/story/42

These don’t really exist any more. GameBro is one of those things about Homestuck (like John remarking on Black Presidents) that really makes it a period piece. It is, as another commentator put it, aggressively contemporary. I remember drooling over gaming magazines when they were still in print but never really buying any due to a lack of allowance funds. My friends and I shared a moment of silence when Nintendo Power went out of print.

https://homestuck.com/story/63

Rose appears. This is a character I’ve got a love hate relationship. I think out of everyone in the comic, Rose is the one I’m the most like. We’ll come back to her later. Not a lot to say here except “A Weakness for Insufferable Pricks” is a collection of syllables I’ve always enjoyed. And that Rose knows her friend’s quirks well.

https://homestuck.com/story/78

The narration is, once again, weirdly aggressive to John. (Also the Peanut Gallery thing is a cunning bit of wordplay.)

https://homestuck.com/story/82

I like this page. It’s weird and eerie. If anybody has a good take on what it means, I’m all ears. (The other houses in John’s neighborhood have always made me wonder things like, what is John’s neighborhood like? Does he have any other friends? Any neighbors who are important to him? It never comes up, so I think the answer is probably no. What about School? Does he go? He never mentions any school chums. John is a pretty lonely kid.)

https://homestuck.com/story/90

Teenagers are little shits. I certainly was one, although my general shittiness didn’t flower until I was probably between 16 and 18 years old. I was at least well behaved before that. Anyway, I think your relationship with your parents can be adversarial at the best of times when you’re John’s age. That’s always been my interpretation of Strifes, but maybe there’s more to it. John’s is pretty mild. Some of the later ones, less so.

https://homestuck.com/story/103

The Narrative gets weirdly aggressive toward John again.

https://homestuck.com/story/109

Maybe I should watch some of these movies at some point so I can be in on the joke. I don’t think I’ve watched any of John’s favorite movies, actually.

https://homestuck.com/story/132

John and Rabbits are related to John in at least two ways - magicians pull rabbits out of hats, Nic Cage puts bunnies back into boxes. John’s a bit flighty like a rabbit too. Like the legendary lapine hero Elahraira, one of John’s main strategies as the Heir of Breath is avoidance - he runs away. There’s kind of a basic tension between that and the fact that, as a self-styled manly dude, John is also, at times, pretty confrontational.

https://homestuck.com/story/153

I’ve always had an interest in like, the specific way Homestuck characters talk - getting a feel for what words they use, what words they would probably never use. Rose goes for a plethora of multisyllabic words, and then occasionally peppers her pesterlogs with Buffy Speak and profanity.

https://homestuck.com/story/154

I think they’re elegant too, Rose.

https://homestuck.com/story/171

Of all the kids, Rose uses fuck more than any other profanity. Karkat uses it more than Rose does, but a higher percentage of Rose’s curse words are fuck compared to all the curse words she uses. Just a fun fact.

It’s perhaps no surprise that Rose is the only main character to definitively end up in a stable romantic relationship by the end of the main comic. Girl has fornication on her mind.

As long as I’m on the subject of romance and fornication, I’ve been looking for an opportunity to bring up the other theme I’m going to riff on in my exploration of Homestuck a lot - Reproduction. Shipping is a bit part of the Homestuck fandom, and not for no reason - all these kids have finding a mate on their mind, and the idea of each other as potential romantic partners is one of the very first things anybody brings up - it’s the first thing Dave talks about in his very second conversation with John.

:)

Have I mentioned how much I enjoy pretty much any time John and Rose talk to each other? I am not a Grimdorks shipper, but I’ve always been of the opinion that John and Rose are closer with each other than they are with their other respective relationships. Besties.

https://homestuck.com/story/199

More narrative aggression for John. 

https://homestuck.com/story/217

It is a matter of critical importance to me that Rose’s Room is messy and her bed is unmade. We learn quite a bit about the aesthetics Rose is going to bring to the story here, but my favorite is that Rose’s room is a fucking disaster.

Anyway, I think that’s about all from me tonight. I’m about an hour out from the end of my shift. I’m largely going to be doing these while I work, since I’ll be at my computer anyway, waiting for jobs to come my way. 

This is Cam signing off, alive, and not alone.

[leebrontide]

A true, 30 year, tropetastic, queer love story. (Part 1)

Pls open the link if you'd like to read a 30 year, trope-tastic true queer romance featuring pining, instalove, swords, childhood-friends-to-lovers and a happy ending.

We THINK the story begins in 1991. We know it starts at theatre day-camp for kids, a summer when we were both in elementary school.

The earliest memories are vague- I remembered a super cool kid from the older class with dark eyes who I was desperate to eat lunch with every day.

It's taken us years to reconstruct the timeline. We have figured out I did go to her house outside of camp that first year, because I remember her bird that tried to bite me. We can only guess at years based on camp themes.

Because we were little kids. I was 7. So we lost touch.

But here's the thing- we kept going to the same camp. She was always in a class ahead of me, because I'm a year and a half younger.

And every year- apparently without remembering we'd met before? We became summer best friends. Drawn together over and over.

But, being disorganized kids in a world of lesser tech, every year, when camp ended, we lost phone numbers- we lived a good 30 minutes away from each other, so I have to imagine our parent's weren't exactly heartbroken at the loss. It was a lot of driving.

In 4th grade, when I was 9, I made a new best friend, named Meredith. My parents heartily recommended the summer theatre camp to hers, and she was sent with me, the next year.

She, was older than me, so she was in Ty's class. & having excellent taste, also made friends with her.

The three of us played together all summer.

Then came the fall, and the inevitable lost contact. I remember being sad about that much more clearly, that year.

BUT, the big change happened when I was 10.

Again, sent to camp. Again, my friend Meredith was there to.

At lunch, I found them playing together. I went to introduce myself to the obviously cool older girl.

For some reason I tried to shake her hand? Little weirdo.

Ty reacts to me the same way- oh hey! Cool new person! I want to be friends!

Meredith looks at us both like we're out of our minds.

"You know each other. We played all last summer."

And suddenly, the spell of childhood amnesia was broken.

I DID know her. We were FRIENDS.

We HAD BEEN FRIENDS for years.

She LIKED ME.

SHE LIKED ME.

(love with memory disabilities is a trip, folks. And her lil ADHD kid brain was struggling right alongside mine)

We were elated.

But that wasn't the last shock to my little 10 year old heart that 5 week summer camp would bring.

Meredith was, and is, a poet. Somehow she had a habit, at 11 years old, of making up poems about people's eyes.

Weird stuff. I remember a pair of green eyes being compared to a deep sea, were the bones of drunken drowned sailors floated.

Very Anne of Green Gables.

And- I remember this part with perfect clarity. She turned to me and said, do you know who has pretty eyes? Ty.

We were crossing the stage, Ty was carrying a box of props like 15 feet ahead of us.

I said "does she?"

And then, ever the romantic I screamed "HEY TY TURN AROUND I WANNA SEE SOMETHING!"

She did.

And for the first time, I looked into the dark eyes I'd been drawn to for all those years, and saw them anew.

There's a reason cupid's supposed to have arrows.

I swear to you that this is true. It felt like an actual blow to my chest. Like a physical blow.

I was stunned. My little heart was hammering out of control.

I have no idea what I said, or did, or looked like after that.

But I figured out pretty quickly what that was. It was not subtle, even to a prepubescent nearly 6th grader.

But I was a pragmatic little almost-6th-grader.

This was a crush. Middle schoolers have crushes.

And they're supposed to fade over time.

I don't remember if I was worried that my crush was on a girl. I just remember the certainty that this was just a child's crush, and therefor nothing that would last or cause problems.

And when fall came, I lost her number again.

But this time I was devastated.

But, this time a hero saved the day! Meredith, sweet, wonderful, more-organized-than-either-of-us Meredith, still had the number.

And this time, I held on to it.

We became year round besties.

For the first year of adoring her year-round, I didn't worry about my little crush. It'd go away in time.

By 7th grade, it started to be a problem.

We were having sleep overs, and I started to feel guilty about how much I wanted to look at her and cuddle her all the time.

I don't think I told anyone right away. But Meredith was always the smartest of us three.

She's the one who proposed we play "wedding". She presided over the ceremony herself, and her little sister was our wedding photographer.

Oddly, even though I didn't know about this photo till years later, this is a game both of us remember playing.

It meant... something.

Image

I started to feel guilty. We were having sleep overs, talking every day on the phone. I wanted to look at her all the time- I wanted to be with her all the time. I wanted to kiss her, and started to realize she might be bothered by that.

I never wanted to hide anything from her.

So, I confessed my love. I didn't think of this as being especially radical or brave, but in retrospect, I'm impressed by 12 year old Lee's behavior.

She smiled brightly, and said she loved me to!

As her best friend.

I clarified my position.

She repeated that she loved me as her very best friend.

And these feelings were a bit scary and BIG, so that was all good. She still wanted to hang out all the time. Life was good.

By 8th grade, I was starting to worry. The crush hadn't worn off yet. Everyone told me these things wore off.

But I was more in love with her than ever.

And when Meredith moved to Nashville, we got even closer.

We joined the MN sword club. Made new friends. In the way of these things, a whole lot of them turned out to be some evolving variety of queer. Friends started coming out.

I barely needed to, my crush was horrifyingly obvious to all our friends.

Image

I promised you swords. The swords don't feature prominently, but the club was a major connection for us for years, and this detail has always struck me.

I'm not an especially good fencer. Especially then. I was constructed out of raw spaghetti noodles and moved like creaky budget claymation most of the time. I was calculating, but slow.

She was fast, and brash, and more skilled than me. She eventually beat some nationally recognized fencers. We called her "fiery Tybalt" because we're a bunch of big ol nerds who wanted to sound smart. She eventually took her name from that nickname.

Even at only 5ft tall, she should have beaten me handily and reliably. She could hold her own against much better fencers.

But we actually got BANNED from sparring together, because we were so evenly matched we could never get enough points for a win.

My one and only expertise in fencing was knowing her. But she knew me just as well, so there was a stalemate.

Our friends laughed at us.

I confessed my love again in 8th grade.

And 9th.

10th.

11th.

I never wanted to lie to her. It was important to me that she knew what I was thinking and feeling, but it was also important that I not burden her with it.

She always gave me the same answer. She loved me. She loved me SO MUCH.

What a shame she was straight.

Now, readers, let me remind you we're looking at two queer kids in the 90s at this point.

There were pressures at play.

When I was in 11th grade, she left for college. And she was far enough away that long distance calls were expensive. I couldn't call her every day.

What I remember most about senior year was being depressed and lonely.

But also, that after years of my family despairing of my ever learning to type, and eventually getting me the (then very expensive) dragon speech-to-type program so I could type my homework and not fail school- my contact with her was suddenly all in text. AOL messenger.

People have commented at all my workplaces about my typing speed. I type 120 words per minute now.

Specifically because it was the only way to talk to her most days.

I went to college the following year. We both got boyfriends. Both nice boys who liked and admired us.

BOTH broke up with us because we so obviously preferred each other over them. To an embarrassing degree.

The boy I was dating- bless him he only lasted 3 months- specifically told me "if I go out with you any more I'm going to fall in love with you. And you're in love with her."

Slick bastard.

He was right tho.

I couldn't be mad at him.

But this is when I started to really panic.

It'd been 6 years. My first crush was still absolutely roaring. Nobody else came close to tempting me.

And nobody else wanted to, when it became obvious they couldn't compete with her.

And she was still my best friend, so of course I told her. I told her I was miserable, because I was going to be single forever because nobody else would want me, because I was so in love with her.

She felt bad. She loved me so much. So much she'd been dumped to.

Such a shame she was straight.

I wouldn't find out till much later that that conversation had started something on her side, that, for once, she knew to keep from me.

She spent the next 6 months in intense contemplation.

She DID prefer me to all the other boys (and girls) who were chasing her in college.

And there were a lot of them.

She did think I was pretty, and she did love me. And she did want to be with me forever.

She'd been as dedicated to me as I was to her through this whole time. As caring, as invested, as, frankly, obsessed. Everyone could see it.

But she wasn't straight. She was bi.

And ace.

We wouldn't learn that word for many more years. All she knew was that the story of falling in love didn't match the love she was feeling.

But then she realized- she'd never felt the feelings she was "supposed" to feel for her boyfriend, either. She was not more attracted to him than to me. And he was a good looking guy. A catch by most any standard.

And she also hadn't loved him.

But she did love me.

So, my sophomore year of college (her junior year), we were preparing our trip to the Renaissance festival. A bunch of her friends were driving into town for it, and we'd see each other again at last. (we'd been back at school like 2 weeks, so naturally were desperate to meet up)

I am still flabbergasted as the next series of events.

She asked me out. On AOL instant messenger. After over 7 years of my pining, and adoration. After 7 years of choosing the pain of being near her and not being able to kiss her, over the desolation of not having her beside me

She very logically explained her reasoning.

I had a meltdown.

My poor room mate walked into our room to find me crying and throwing things at the computer screen.

I was convinced she was offering to date me because she felt bad for me. Because she loved me and wanted me to stop hurting and feeling alone.

So I turned her down.

That, friends, was HARD. REALLY HARD.

Thankfully, she was having none of it. She insisted it only made sense for us to date. I tried to stay firm. I refused repeatedly, all in that damned AOL messenger.

We reached a compromise- one date, at the Ren Fest, as a test.

And if it failed we'd never speak of it again.

Because the prospect of dating and breaking up was terrifying to us both.

If we were going to be together, we'd be defacto engaged. Neither of us could tolerate breaking up.

The weekend came- my college friends all knew, and accompanied me, made sure I was decked out in the best fair garb we could cobble together.

She drove up with her friends- including the ex- who had no idea what was happening. She had on her finest cape & boots & a swishy dress.

We could not manage to be alone together. Like it was a proper rom-com ridiculousness. All damn day.

But at least we were together.

She came back to my dorm that night, to spend the night, and drive back the next day.

Shout out to my room mate who stayed at her boyfriend's house that night. Love you, Lindsay.

We finally managed to kiss.

She abruptly decided kissing wasn't some weird thing people only pretended to like because it was normal, and was in fact an amazing wonderful thing we should do frequently.

I don't actually remember us deciding that the experiment was successful, and we'd be a romantic couple from then on.

Pretty sure the kissing melted my brain.

It was not like kissing my old boyfriend at all.

She went back to college the next day.

I do remember, that, MORE THAN ONCE, I nervously asked my roomy if this had all really happened. I was truly and genuinely concerned that I'd dreamed or fantasized the whole thing. I'd done both enough times before.

I couldn't just ask outright so I'd say something like. "Hey did anything- important happen yesterday?"

And she'd look at me like I was speaking some alien language, and tell me I was dating Ty now.

I wandered around in a dream-like stupor for a WEEK.

This is a good place to stop for now. More tonight. I need to go snuggle my baby and help my wife with lunch. 💖

Popping in briefly for the next installment.

All our friends knew immediately. Some of them- the newer ones, were confused because they had assumed we were always dating, on account of how blatantly in love we were all the damn time.

We decided tho, to hold off on telling our families. We decided to date a year first, to show that it was serious, and that we meant it.

It was a good year, full of the kind of pining that is regularly rewarded by happy weekends and spring breaks and summers.

The next august, before we went back to school, we each sat down our own parents. Hers were sort of "yeah ok whatever." I was not there for that conversation.

I went to my favorite restaurant with my own parents, and told them I was seeing someone. Dad was enthused. Wanted to meet him.

Well. I said. You have.

Because it's Ty.

[thewritingstar]

Until My Heart Stops Racing

Pairing: Mitch x Mike (or Bitch as I like to call them, ya know cause Believe x Mitch.....nvm lol) 

Fandom: The Powerpuff Girls 

Note: This was a commission for the wonderful @lisathefan who gave me the cutest prompt and I know she loves her crack ships. I hope you enjoy my dear and thanks to my beta, Faxx for helping me! 

Word count: 5538

---

The car whipped into the parking space, dirt flying around us and I felt my heart rate finally go back to its normal beating. I looked over to Butch who had a goofy grin and ignoring everything he just did.

“Butch your driving is terrible. Now I get why you fly everywhere.” I groaned as I finally got out of the car. “I swear if Brick saw how you drove this thing... actually I don’t want to think about it.” I thought that speeding was illegal but apparently if the cops can’t even see your car, it's a free pass. And being in touch with the puffs might be a bonus we all have.

Butch let out a laugh before locking the car. “Relaxe Mike, what Brick doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” He shrugged and sometimes I wondered how he could even say that. Brick could kill someone with just a glance but when you are a superhuman, and his brother, maybe the effect doesn’t work.

Maybe I should ask Blossom about that.

The beeping of other cars brought me out of my trance as I followed him on the dirt path.

“Anyways, why did you drag me all the way out here?” I turned to see the lights and the signs. “The fair?”

In front of me was the entrance to what could only be deemed as a somehow legal way to make people shell out three hundred dollars on cheap food and even cheaper ride systems. Every kid wanted to go to the fair and, yeah, it was fun when you were five, but now that we had just graduated high school, it seemed more dangerous than fun.

“Yeah, why not?”

I glanced at him and he only smiled widely but something in his eyes had mischief written all over it. “What's the deal?”

He sighed and smirked.

“A little birdy told me you got heart eyes for a certain someone.” Butch threw his arm around my shoulder. “And as the king of romance, I’m gonna help you out.”

Theres always a small tinge of fear whenever Butch gets an idea. It either ends badly where someone gets hurt, usually him or bad in the way that we all get in trouble and the notorious Powerpuff Girls have to get us out of it. But this...this was much worse.

“Butch, what did you do?” I said through gritted teeth. He only laughed at me instead of answering and pushed up towards the gates.

“Relax. Look they are here.” He pointed.

I followed his sight and walking up towards us was Buttercup, Robin and Mitch. Butch let out another laugh, probably because he could hear my heartbeat. Fuck superhearing. Of course Robin opened her mouth. You tell a girl while you’re throwing up that you have the biggest crush on your best friend who wears dark leather, has piercings and makes your heart swoon and think that she can keep her mouth shut. But no, she can’t.

“Hey guys.” Butch waves to him before leaving me to wrap his arms around Buttercup and ignore the public by kissing her square on the lips. PDA is always gross unless you’re the one doing it, so I can’t blame them. Also it's funny to watch her smack his arm.

“Sup Mikey.” Robin smiles smugly. Little demon.

“Hey. Hi Mitch.” He gives me a wave and a nod of the head and I have to mentally tell myself not to blush. Stupid hormons.

“Come on you two.” Robin says and grabs my arm and Mitch’s and forces us towards the carnival’s entrance. “Lets go!”

One of the perks to being besties with the puffs is the mass amount of freebies. Buttercup swiftly pulled out a ticket for each of us and handed it to the ticket collector.

“Sweet, free entrance.” Mitch smiled at me and held up his hand for a fist bump.

I gladly returned the gesture and every time I did so, I wondered if he could feel the electric spark between us. God, I need to stop reading romance novels.

“Alright losers. We’ll see you all later tonight, meet up for fireworks at 9?” Buttercup said and apparently everyone already had a plan that I was not aware of.

“Sounds good to me!” Butch smirked. “BC and I are going to do coupley stuff no one wants to see and Robin said something about henna soooooo.” He looked at me. “Guess Mitchy boy and Mikey are on their own.” I didn’t miss his wink and before I could protest, everyone was walking away.

My mind was now racing as I tried to comprehend what was happening. I realized in this moment that the group had ganged up on us, well specifically me. Mitch probably didn’t even think twice as the group broke up but they were out of their minds if they thought something was going to happen.

“Wanna hit the rides?” He asked.

I take a breath before nodding. We turn into the direction of the ride area and I have to remind myself that he is just a friend. A friend. Nothing more, nothing less. I usually have my emotions in check but for some reason, they want to act up now. All I have to do is get through tonight without embarrassing myself or giving Butch the satisfation of him being the king of romance. As if that were possible.

The area is buzzing with so much energy. There’s little kids whining and screams coming from the various rides. The smells of corn dogs, popcorn and, oddly enough, waffles mixed in the air and I can’t tell if it smells good or not but I know my pockets are gonna be much lighter by the end of the night.

We get into the shortest line for the tickets and it's truly a scam that each ride is a separate cost.

“I don’t feel like dying tonight so I think two rides is good for me.” Mitch says and I laugh a little because it's true. Just watching the swings makes me feel like one of them unhinge and plummet to the ground but that's what I get for being a paranoid person.

“I feel you. How about the rollercoaster and ummm... the spinning ride?” I suggest.

“Sounds good to me.” He smiles and god fucking dammit, those damn dimples.

The line moves as we chat about the newest horror movie coming into theaters and how Mitch saw a certain pair of redheads making out in a car.

“Wait for real?”

“I swear to god dude.” He raised his hand. “Unless some other chick wears a big ass bow, it has to be them.”

“Interesting.” I smile and soon we get called next.

“Hi there boys, how many tickets can I get ya?” the older woman asks.

“Ten.” Mitch says and I reach into my pocket to grab my wallet, that may or may not have a photo of all of our friends and definitely not for the reason that I can see his face at any given time, but Mitch stops me and places the cash in the tin. “I got it.” he says casually and something inside me felt all warm and fuzzy as the row of blue tickets was handed to him.

“Have a nice date night.” The woman says as we walk away and I almost do a double take thinking I heard her wrong. But when I look over to Mitch, he seems unaffected by the words so I just let it slide.

The rollercoaster isn’t as grand or cool as the ones at the theme park, it doesn’t even go upside down but it has a good bit of hills and bumps to give some air time so i guess it will do. The only problem is that these workers don’t care and make Mitch and I sit in the same cart as these two younger kids.

After we get the bars onto us, the ride starts to go. In front of us the girl grabs the boy's arm and I give a small eye roll as we start to climb the lift hill.

“Babe I'm scared.” She cries and he wraps an arm around her shoulders and I’ve never been so jealous of middle schoolers before.

“These carts are so damn small.” Mitch complains. And it's true. The two of us squished in this together leaves no space for our arms. The pressure of our shoulders touching isn’t too bad but it's to the point it almost hurts. “Hold on.” He says and I feel him pull his right arm away from mine and throw it behind us. “Sorry this is better.”

“No, it's cool bro.” I say even though I realize that this boy really just made it ten times harder to breath now.

I can barely grasp my surroundings as the rollercoaster takes its first turn before the drop. I can see the ending of the track as we go down but the only thing my brain is processing is the fingers tightening on my shoulder.

“Holy shit.” I mumble hoping that Mitch doesn’t know how he's affecting me.

We let out screams and shouts as we go up and down, flying around on the track and I try to enjoy myself, I really do. Before long, it's over and Mitch reaches his hand out to help me up and I take it with silence.

“That was fun.” He smiles and I am really happy he ignored his moms protests and got that lip piercing. It suits him.

“Yeah.” Is all I can muster and he gives me a look before walking towards the next ride.

Luckily as we enter this ride, there’s more room. Only our knees touch as we buckle in the seatbelt and I feel myself being able to breathe better.

“Good thing we didn’t eat before getting on here.” I laugh as the lights start to flash.

He snorts and nods. “Robin would have blown chunks either way.”

The ride is a simple circular track with small hills. All it does is follow the path and goes around pretty fast. Simple but a classic. The music begins and soon we feel the cart shift. I'm sitting on the right while Mitch is on the left, next to the exit and he wiggles off his black beanie just for good measure. His light brown hair, slightly damaged from dying it black back in freshman year, is ruffled from hat hair and my god is it cute.

“Fucking love this ride.” Mitch smiles and it begins to pick up the pace.

Soon, we are at full speed, which is fine. Perfectly fine. Except for the fact that the gravity from the ride is pulling me towards Mitch and no matter how tight I hold on, I end up smacked against him. Shoulders touching and I can clearly smell his cologne. It's the scent of sandalwood and campfire and my god does it smell heavenly. Men just smell like nature and I am more than okay with that.

But Mitch doesn’t mind, because why would he? Instead he's laughing and truly enjoying the ride. I smile and laugh too because honestly, it's just fun to spend time with him. The ride is over faster than I wanted and we hop off, slightly dizzy and I walk a little out of line but he catches my arm and pulls me to him.

“Easy dude.” He chuckles and I nudge him playfully and ruffle his hair before he plops on his beanie. Goodbye cute hat hair.

All of a sudden, my shoulder is hit. It was a pretty hard smack and my body jolted to the side as Mitch grabbed me from falling.

“Look a bunch of homos.” I look up and realize that it's some assholes from our school.

Duke Jones and Mark Dalton. Some of the few people who actually try to be douchebags on the regular.

My eyes do heavy eye rolls and I want to scream at them but I've never been a confronting person. My voice is in my throat but Mitch takes a step forward, his hand never leaving my arm.

“And what of it? Really dudes? You think some lame insult is gonna hurt our feelings. You’re lucky I don’t just kick your ass, better enough I can call Buttercup in a second and have your bodies all the way across this place. Grow the fuck up and maybe don’t choke on your toxic masculanity.” He sneered and sometimes I forget that Mitch can be pretty intimidating.

Their eyes widened as Mitch pulled out his phone to show BC’s number. They mutter something before turning and rushing off in a hurry.

“You okay?” He asks me.

“Yeah.” I say. “Sorry you got caught in that.”

“It's not a big deal.”

But it is. It's not a secret that I'm out and proud. Yeah its cool and all to not have to be closeted, even Princess came out last year so its nice to know that someone higher up won’t pick on me, but even then, it sucks. No matter where I go in life, someone will be there with a flame thrower of slurs or anger for something I didn’t choose. As for Mitch, theres something about him being called gay and him not having a hissy fit about it that makes me feel safe. Uhh fuck.

I take a second to recollect myself and Mitch just pulls me from the herds of eyes that saw that fiasco.

“Lets go here.” He points to the hall of mirrors and for some reason it's beginning to get extremely hard to be around him.

But I take a deep breath and push those feelings to the side once again.

--

The hall of mirrors was by far the lamest thing the fair could have done. Sure, as a little kid it was cool and slightly scary but now, all of our heads could see just above the tips of the mirrors making it lose the effect. It probably would have been more fun if the others were there. Butch would hide behind the mirros trying to scare us before Buttercup sent some lasers his way causing them to bounce everywhere and making us duck and cover. Good times. However, it was just Mitch and me.

While Mitch was walking, I couldn’t stop thinking about those jerks just now. Of course everyone already knew about my preference but Mitch seemed unbothered by being referred to as gay. Probably because he's not some asshole that thinks it's a bad thing, I mean if he did, why would he be friends with me for all this time? He’s just a good person, that's all.

Not to sound like the coming of age kid, but I knew I was into dudes before I could comprehend the idea of love or romance, I just thought they were pretty to look at. Moving to a new city at such a young age was hard for me, not to mention the whole invisible friend that tried to kill everyone. But after everything was said and done, I did in fact make some friends.

The famous superheroes had become my pals and when Buttercup introduced me to Mitch, I think that's when it all went downhill. We became the dynamic duo and everyone always paired us as the best friends, which is true but...it makes me feel guilty.

He turned a corner and I stopped walking. All of a sudden I was lost and staring at a mirror. Just me in my beat up sneakers and the uncertain face I seem to be wearing a lot lately. There's always a time in your life where you stop and contemplate everything, question all your decisions and how nothing truly matters.

“Hey you stopped walking?” Mitch said to me and I looked at him with a shaky smile.

“Sorry. Lost in thought I guess.”

“Care to share?” He asked and leaned against one of the mirrors.

I laughed to myself thinking about what I could possibly say. “Yeah sure Mitch, why don’t I just tell you that I’m in love with you and how it pains me to wake up to know that you will only see me as just a friend. Why don’t I just rip out my heart and put it on a silver platter for you to squash or just confess and kiss you here, ignoring all the states and hopefully pissing off some people?”

“...What?”

My eyes shot open and my eyes met his. He looked at me with confusion and shock. His mouth hung open slightly and it took me a solid three seconds to relaize that my dumb ass had just blurted that all out.

Panic. That's all I could feel as he stared like a deer caught in headlights. I could feel myself on the verge of tears and suddenly the air was too thick as I turned and ran, not caring about the employee telling me I was going the wrong way.

Mitch’s voice echoed behind me but I couldn’t stand to turn and look towards him. To hear the pure rejection and probably the disgust. Throwing away years of friendship for some stupid feelings? What was I thinking?

After nearly hitting my head several times, I made it out and ignored the weird stares and glances people were giving me. All I wanted to do was find Butch and get out of here and hope that I can just pack up and move away for college. Maybe even change my name.

Instead I found myself pushing my way into the bathroom stall and biting my arm to stifle my sobs. I felt like my heart was about to shatter, that all my nightmares where coming true all thanks to my stupid mouth. I was a fool to think that someone like him would even consider me as something more, a complete and utter fool.

“Mike?” A voice called and of course the sneakers peaking outside the stall belonged to Butch.

“What?” I spat bitterly. “Go away.”

I barely heard his sigh. “Dude, I don’t know what happened but suddenly Buttercup saw you burst into here. Really dude, is everything fine? At least come out and talk to us. Plus it smells really bad in here and there's a line of dudes.”

There's some truth to the matter and I wiped my face and pushed open the stall with a little too much force but luckily he grabbed it and just nodded towards the exit.

Robin and Buttercup are standing outside and luckily, I don’t see Mitch.

“Wanna explain what happened?” Robin asks as she hands me a tissue from her purse.

“No. I just wanna go home.”

Buttercup looks arounds then back to me. “Where's Mitch.”

“Probably somewhere and never wants to see me again.” I mumble.

“What?” She asks and looks towards Butch then back to me.

Butch raised his brow. “Mike, did you tell him?”

“Tell him what?” Buttercup asked.

It was at that moment that Buttercup didn’t know that I was practically in love with her best friend. Maybe Robin and Butch planned this together but it didn’t matter, not anymore. I would be losing two friends after this. Great.

“Look. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t feel the same way.” My throat is dry and it hurts and there's no doubt that my face is red and flushed with tears. “I'm just gonna call my mom to come get me.”

“Come on Mike don’t go.” Robin asked and she padded my arm.

“You don’t get it, Robin.” I spat. “You don’t understand what I just did. Thanks to someone’s dumb idea, I now lost my best friend. And for what? Did we really think he would like me back? That he could even see me in such a way? I don’t even know if he’s gay or let alone into dudes. But who gives fuck? I don’t.”

Butch took a step towards me but my anger only rose. “C’mon Mike I'm sure-”

“This was a stupid idea Butch!” I yelled and at that moment I didn’t care what anyone thought. I was embarrassed and hurt. “I just want to be alone.” I pushed past him and the others, ignoring everything they were saying because it didn’t matter any more.

It didn’t matter that my friends tried to help something that shouldn’t have even been considered. It was just a stupid crush. Nothing more, nothing less. Hopefully by the new semester, it would be gone and out of my system…. hopefully. A stupid crush that I’d been harboring for years and titling on a scale of something more.

It wasn’t long until my tears dried and I found myself among the section of carnival games. All of the rigged and hard to win and if you did win, it would be a small sappy prize that you would toss into a garbage bag or try to sell for a nickel at a garage sale.

There were darts and guessing the weight of a small pig. The basketball tossing and hitting the giant hammer looked tempting but instead I walked to the game that no one had ever won. Ring toss. A game of chance and so incredibly rigged, it's a miracle if one prize is won in a year.

Without a second thought, I gave up a fresh twenty dollar bill and the girl working, who clearly hated her job, handed me the biggest bucket of rings. Enough to keep me entertained until I call my mom or muster up enough courage to ask Butch for a ride back like a dog with its tail inbetween its legs.

I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I could be okay with this. But I was stupid. Stupid to think that the boy I had a crush on, one of my best friends, would like me back, or even be into dudes for that matter. But no, instead of having my secret crush kept, ya know, a secret, the one person who shouldn’t know, did.

I tossed another ring into the sea of bottles, the high pitched clinking echoed for just a moment as another was tossed. Maybe this was pointless. Maybe trying to figure out feelings was a waste of time because in all honesty, I never knew.

Like the plastic rings people pay way too much for, you jump and you think you’ll land on that bottle, secure the prize and show everyone up. Prove that you can do the impossible.

But then you miss and reality comes back. The bucket dwindles down and soon you’re left with nothing but regret for trying and shorting eight bucks.

“Hey.”

I turned, of course he would follow me. Why wouldn’t he? He was probably here just to tell me to let it go and sweep it under the rug, and say it's not weird when it totally is. Or he was going to come out and say that maybe our friendship has come to its expiration date.

“Oh. Hey.” I threw another one, missing again.

I tried not to care as he stood next to me but I passed him the bucket and he took his own shot, missing, just like me.

“Have you been crying?” He asked and there was no way around it.

“Yep.” I popped the p and threw another ring. “Look Mitch, I’m sorry what I said-”

“Don’t be.”.

Oh

“Most guys would just push someone like me away if that happened.”

He hummed and tossed a ring, missing. “Well, I’m not like most guys and I thought that was pretty clear. Especially after those jerks. I value your friendship too much to get worried or upset.”

I looked over at him, and that in itself was a mistake, because it would be just my luck that the other carnival games with their bright flashing lights would surround him and make it seem like he was glowing. The lights soften his features, a small twinkle on the black orb of his earring and making those very so light freckles appear.

Almost like a painting hung up in a museum. You think the trip is boring, and for the most part it is. A few interesting things here and there but just as you are about to leave, you find a room you hadn’t explored. It could be nothing and you could leave, forgetting everything in the last three hours and moving on with your life.

Or it could be life changing. As if when you walked in there, the most captivating painting was on that wall and you wonder how you skipped it in the first place. You stare at it, taking in the picture itself and the meaning. Stepping closer and looking at the paint strokes, the time taken to make this is clear and it's full of questions and mystery. The small plaque on the wall fails to answer.

He picked up the last ring. It twirled in his fingertips unsure of where to go.

“I kept thinking, you know.” He said. “I remember watching a show, a random cartoon and an ad for a pride festival popped up. I thought nothing of it, didn’t know what it meant at the time but my father did. He was outraged and changed the channel, screamed and shouted saying that if his son ever was caught doing something like that…” Mitch paused and closed his palm.

I could see the hurt in his eyes as he sighed.

“Then he would have no son. So when I found out what it all meant and learned about myself....I thought it would be best to never act on it. No matter how much I wanted to look towards another guy, I couldn’t.”

“I’m sorry Mitch, I didn’t know.” And it was the truth. I wanted to mentally slap myself for not realizing that he was, in fact, gay as well. Way to go Mike, your gay-dar is broken. But then again, you can’t just tell a sexuality clear as day. I can’t blame him for hiding it, after everything with his dad.

He sighed again. “But when you told me that. Told me you wanted me, I think I started to realize that I would rather have something I want no matter what others think of me. I envy how you can just come out and be proud, as you should, but I wish I was that brave instead of a coward.”

“Mitch.” I slid my hand on top of his cautiously. He didn’t flinch or have any indication of pulling away. “I’m scared every day. Scared that someone might yell something offensive or even try to hurt me. Just like those assholes did earlier.But I can’t stop those things from happening but I can choose to not let them affect me. It's hard but you know you’re surrounded by people who care about you. Plus your best friend is an actual superhero.”

“I know, I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to date such a fuck up like me.”

Fuck up? Did this boy really think that?

“I would never see you as that.” I said honestly. “It's normal for us to have conflicting feelings when someone in our life isn't supportive. It's never gonna be a walk in the park or smooth sailing but when you're with someone who cares about you, it makes it easier.”

He sighed for the hundredth time. It was clear the gears in his mind were running at full steam and he looked at the ring in his hand then to the bottles.

“I guess you’re right Mike. I guess I was thrown off that the dude I've liked since kindergarten likes me back.” He looked towards me and tossed the ring, not bothering to pay attention. “I just hope you haven't changed you mind-”

The next thing I know, my hand is tugging on his worn leather collar and his lips are pressed to mine.

I never thought that my first kiss would be as enchanting as this. You always think it's magical and fulfilling but in reality it's probably a mess of lips that don’t move quite as well and somehow there's a tongue doing whatever it wants. I guess I can’t count this as my first kiss because Robin had peaked me on the lips in third grade, also giving me the clear sexual awakening of how I never want another woman to come near me again, but this was different.

He tasted like cotton candy which I should find gross and oddly weird but I didn’t mind one bit. At the beginning there was a bit of hesitation, or maybe he was caught off guard since I did interrupt him but I couldn’t help myself. Stupid hormones. He wasted no time kissing me back and I even felt a hand on my waist pulling towards him. Although it lasted only a few mere seconds, it was like a lifetime of waiting had lifted.

When we pulled apart, loud speakers and alarms went off above us. I looked towards the game, I noticed one single plastic ring was stuck on the bottle. The worker smiled at us before nodding.

“Wow, I can’t believe you made it, especially without looking.” She said and I looked to Mitch who just shrugged.

“What? You kissed me, I just threw it.” He smiled brightly and I hugged him.

“So what will it be?” I asked him and he turned towards the prizes.

“Well, what about that dinosaur?”

“I love dinosaurs.”

Mitch smiled. “I know.”

The worker used a ladder to climb and retrieve the massive blue dinosaur prize. As a kid, i used to dream of winning such a cool thing but know, I think I got something better. Mitch handed it to me with a blush and I looked at it with just as much pink on my cheeks.

“Ya know.” Mitch started. “I have enough tickets for one last ride. Maybe the ferris wheel?”

“That sounds good.” He reached out his hand and I took it. Before I could blink, I felt his lips press against my cheek.

“I don’t like to see you cry.” He said.

I simply hummed and we walked hand in hand to the ferris wheel before deciding to give the prize to some kids. He handed the tickets to the worker as we climbed into the cart and began to go up. He threw his arm over my shoulder like he did on the rollercoaster, but this time, I leaned against him and let those emotions I tried to keep at bay, run wild.

“I’m really glad Butch dragged me here.” I said honestly and Mitch only laughed and silenced me with his lips pressed against mine.

“Me too.”

When we pulled apart, a few questions still lingered in my mind.

“You mean, you’ve liked me this entire time? And you knew I was gay?” I asked hesitantly. It wasn’t a secret, the last part at least.

He scratched the back of his neck, a nervous tick he's had since he was little. “I mean I wasn’t hundred percent sure, I thought maybe it was a one time thing or just happened occasionally. But as we got older, more specifically high school, I think that's when it hit me.” He sighed. “All I knew was that I wanted to be with you until my heart stopped racing.”

His eyes met mine. I’ve always hated when people didn’t see the beauty in brown eyes. They think they are dull and lifeless, only one hue but that's far from the truth. Mitch’s eyes had spots of gold and a slight tint of green, breathtaking to say the least.

“I mean it’s a shame we spent our high school years just as friends.” My hand went on top of his. “But I’d rather have you as my friend instead of losing you so I understand. But what about your dad? Will be okay with us dating-or well I assume we should-”

“I don’t care about his opinion of us. Plus we would be idiots not to date at this point. If he doesn’t accept. That's his loss not mine.” His gaze went to the sky where a firework exploded.

The colors lit up in the sky and we realized we got lucky as our cart stopped at the very top. It felt unreal to be sitting next to my best friend and now, boyfriend. There's always moments in your life that you feel like were meant to be. Maybe it's the career you chose or the person you marry. Milestones that are already set in stone and fate just happens to bring you together, all that stuff. And as I looked at him through heavy lashes I thought that maybe, just maybe, the stars aligned on this one.

That or I would have to admit that Butch is the king of romance, even though he did literally nothing today and this was all me. Either way, Mikey boy’s got a man.

--

I hope you enjoyed love!!

[msjr0119]

A Second Chance

Part 1

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairings: Drake x Riley (present tense), Liam x Riley (Past tense), Drake x Hana (Past tense)

*Majority of characters belong to Pixelberry*

Song inspiration: Let it be - The Beatles

Warnings: Do not read if you are under the age of 18. If you do you are consenting that you are over this age. If any of the trigger warnings affect you do not continue to read; adult language, suicide attempt (mentioned - past tense), miscarriage (mentioned - past tense), domestic abuse (mentioned - past tense), stabbing (mentioned - past tense), slight smut, grief.

Word Count: +4000 (long post)

Tags- if you want to be removed let me know: @pedudley @kacie-0156 @ladyangel70 @annekebbphotography @yukinagato2012 @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @kimmiedoo5 @bascmve01 @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @lodberg @cmestrella @axwalker @hopefulmoonobject @rafasgirl23415 @walker7519 @drakewalker04

Catch up with the Prologue here.

******

Riley hung up after leaving her message, scrutinising the room her heart felt empty. There were good memories of being back at Ramsford; her first date with Liam, but also the first kiss with Drake in the study. The two men who she loved with all her heart at that moment in time. Knowing that one of these men was still available in her life, she couldn’t shake off the fact the one who she had chosen to spend the rest of her life with wasn’t here anymore. She couldn’t wrap herself up in Liam’s clothes or hold on to her wedding photo close to her heart. Wishing that she didn’t give in so easily to Maxwell persuading for her to stay. Sobbing in to the pillows, she hoped that she would be able to sleep without her comforts. One day, the fact that Liam wasn’t here physically would sink in- however he was still there mentally. Always in her heart.

****

Drake tossed and turned in bed, Savannah knocked on the door interrupting him. Who needs sleep anyway? He thought to himself. These last few months she had become distant with him- not wanting to. Not purposely. Every opportunity she had to talk to him, she seemed to put her ‘foot in it’.

“Hey. Can I come in?” Standing in his boxers with a whiskey in his hand- he gestured for her to enter. “I’m sorry Bertrand and Bartie couldn’t be here to celebrate with you, I know FaceTime isn’t the same. They are on a flight now back.”

“It’s fine.” Knowing her brother wasn’t exactly in the mood- she wasn’t sure what to say.

“It was great that Riley showed up. People noticed that you were both close on the balcony.”

“We’ve always been close. It was nice to talk to her. I know what it’s like to hide away.” Savannah nodded remaining silent. She liked Riley as a friend, but even after all these years she was still pissed off that Riley had miscarried and never informed Drake immediately especially as he was the father.

“I’m going to go, I just wanted to check in on you. Liv explained how all of the kids all saw the two of you. Do you still love her?” Drake knew for a fact that she was possibly asking through the greatness of her heart- but he knew the main reason. Gossip.

“I was comforting her Sav. I love her, I always have done as a friend. After everything, Hana was- is my true love.”

“Drake... you’re close friends. Maybe you are what she needs to gain some closure on Liam. I love you.”

A few weeks after Hana’s death, he came out of his hovel. Knowing that he had to face reality at some point. Keeping himself busy helped somewhat- the minute he wasn’t busy doing something, he would think about who he had lost. At times he would look at Jackson, attempting to be strong for the two of them. Just looking at him reminded him of Hana, his wife, his child’s mother- certain facial expressions he pulled was like looking at Hana. Feeling like for those few weeks he had failed Jackson, he was relieved with the support that he had received. Hana would never be erased from his mind, she would always be in his heart and memories. Now was the time to support Riley along with everybody else.

****

The morning after the party, Maxwell broke and entered into Riley’s room- still feeling slightly drunk his brain wasn’t functioning correctly. Jumping on to the bed- she was soon awake.

“Morning, Blossom!” Sounding like a foghorn, she soon remembered how he was the human alarm clock.

“Fuck off!” Attempting to pull the duvet over her face, she wished for sure that she had just gone home to Valtoria or to the palace.

“That’s no way to speak to your bestie... your bestie who you’ve hardly spoken to in months I might add.” Snuggling into bed next to her, he placed his arm around her shoulder.

“I’m sorry. But seriously, Max? It’s seven o’clock!” Stretching her arms, she then rubbed her eyes. They were puffed up as she had been crying all night- or rather in the early hours of the morning.

“How about we go and mess the kitchen up? Give Bertrand a fright when he arrives home?”

“You are unbelievable...”

“I’m the fun Lord remember...���

“Not at this time in the morning your not.”

“Stab me in the heart why don’t you? Come on, get that stubborn ass out of bed!”

****

“Mom? Uncle Max?” Ayah, Louis and Ellie walked into the kitchen questioning the antics that they had witnessed in unison. Everybody else soon joined the crowd- all stood in a semi circle, with their jaws agape.

“Are you both drunk?” Olivia snapped, nearly slipping on oil that was surrounding the floor along with flour.

“Only a teeny bit drunk.” Maxwell responded as Riley bit her lip and turned a bright shade of red.

“Bertrand’s going to kill you both.” Drake sniggered to himself. “Come join us everyoneeee. Remember my brother isn’t here. Yet....”

Drake made his way over to Riley, who was covered in flour and chocolate spread.

“Hey, you. If getting drunk and making food makes you smile- you should have come to me instead of Maxwell.”

“Hey, marshmallow.” Playfully she flicked the spoon with chocolate still lingering on it- her aim was perfect as it landed straight onto his face. “Oops! We just need some graham crackers, then you’ll actually be impersonating a marshmallow or should I say s’mores?” Reaching up, she wiped the chocolate off his cheek with her thumb. “I’m only a marshmallow to you, Brooks. Or agent grumpy.” Her hand lingered on his cheek, as they gazed into each other’s eyes.

“What on earth has happened in here?” The whole household jumped in response to Bertrand’s bellowing voice- apart from Maxwell, who didn’t really give two shits about what Bertrand would think.

“Welcome home, Bro!”

“Maxwell!”

“It was Riley. It was all her fault.”

“Would I suggest to do this? Really, Max?”

“Maxwell tidy up now! Your Majesty, your hignesses.” Bertrand bowed, before scrutinising the kitchen- knowing that if he was home on time this would have never happened.

“But.... but....”

“Maxwell grow up! I want it clean before I come back down...” Riley pulled her tongue out towards the Lord before making her way over to her children. Feeling immature doing this, she couldn’t help herself, Maxwell winked at her then provided her with a goofy smile.

“Are you three ready to go to Valtoria?”

“Erm....” Ellie bit her lip, not knowing how to inform their Mom that they had made their own plans. Since their father had passed away, they had tried to include their Mom in plans but she politely refused. Explaining that she had plenty of work to do.

“Erm?” Questioning her youngest child, she raised her eyebrows up towards her.

“We are actually going to the cabin tonight. To allow Louis to have a few relaxing days before becoming King.”

“Are you? Says who?” Drake queried as he joined the group, fully unaware that his house was going to be used like a fraternity house.

“Uncle Drake, Jackson said it would be fine.”

“I’m joking. You’re all welcome. Anytime. Unless you had something planned Brooks?”

“No, I didn’t have anything specifically planned. I’m busy with preparations anyway. I think you should all ask Uncle Drake before inviting yourselves next time. Make sure that you’re all back Wednesday at the lastest. Ring me every day, each and every one of you. I love you all.” Watching her walk away, he knew it was a good opportunity to let her hair down again. As she tidied the side up- she felt some arms go around her waist. Recognising his cologne as well as his touch, she gasped not expecting him to do this. Taking a deep breath, she allowed his hands to remain where they were as her heart fluttered.

“When I said you’re all welcome....That included you too. You need a break as well.” Hesitating, she wanted to say yes of course she did. But she still wasn’t confident leaving her ‘comfort zones’. Her lips opened to speak as she turned to face him- however another voice broke out.

“Welcome where? I need a break!”

“I think you’ll be grounded Max, if you don’t tidy up pronto.” Letting out a little laugh, she hoped that this would be the end of the conversation.

“Maxwell you can come, but only if Brooks does. I’m already babysitting four kids. I don’t need a child who is trapped in a middle aged mans body added to the list as well.”

“Please Riley. Please. Please. Please.......” As Maxwell continued to act like a child jumping up and down, Drake rolled his eyes back- attempting to figure out what could tempt her in coming.

“You can do the preparations in my office. Go back to the palace get your things, I’ll pick you up. Just let me know if you want to come.” Smiling at the two men, she pulled them into her embrace- kissing them both on the cheek. “I’ll let you know, Drake. Thank you. I better get going, I actually have a meeting.”

“What about me? Are you going to pick me up too, bestie?”

“Don’t ever call me that again, Beaumont. You can walk.”

****

Drake picked up Maxwell from Ramsford later on in the day. Maxwell scrutinised the truck hoping that Riley was in there, hiding- ready to surprise him. Drake was praying that Max had heard from Riley as he hadn’t. He wasn’t expecting her to come, but deep down he had wished that she would have the confidence to come out of her shell more.

“Maybe she was just trying yesterday because it was your birthday? Maybe the kids could convince her to come?”

“Max, when I left them- they couldn’t even remember each other’s names.”

****

Arriving at the cabin, the youngsters were cooking some food. Knowing that Jackson was capable with doing this without parental guidance, Drake decided this would be a perfect time to slip away for some alone time.

“Max. Look after these lot for me, I would say help them make their tents- but I think you’d be no help. I won’t be long.”

“Where are you going?”

“The rock.” Maxwell smiled softly, he knew that Drake went there to talk to Hana at least three times a week. After a little stroll, Drake arrived at the rock- it was located next to the river, the tranquil atmosphere relaxed him immediately.

“Hey Hana. Your husband is an old bastard now, I wish that you was here to celebrate with me yesterday. You and Li. Brooks turned up. She’s been down ever since the two of you gained your wings. I think she smiled for the first time. Remember when you always said to me, that everything will be okay. To not worry too much about it. That whatever happens, happens for a reason and to just let it be. You always spoke words of wisdom. Even back in my hour of darkness- when I thought I’d lost everything, you were standing right in front of me.” The last sentence said, he was referring to decades ago. The time when Riley got justice in court- justice for her miscarrying their child. Hana was there for him at the palace, talking to him- comforting him. It was the beginning of their relationship. Picking up the guitar, he cleared his throat before deciding to sing a song. A song where the lyrics were apt. ‘Mother Mary’ to Paul McCartney was his mother, in Drake’s situation ‘Mother Mary’ was Hana.

When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people

Living in the world agree,

There will be an answer, let it be.

For though they may be parted there is

Still a chance that they will see

There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be. Yeah

There will be an answer, let it be.

And when the night is cloudy,

There is still a light that shines on me,

Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.

I wake up to the sound of music

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be.

There will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be,

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

“I hope myself and Brooks can get through this, even after all this time it’s still not fully sunk in. Tell Liam that I’m stuck with all of his kids. Not that I mind. I can’t control them though- they are little shits like we once were. Ayah is the worse, she takes after her Uncle Leo! In more than one way...” Pausing he shook his head, the familiarity was uncanny.

“But then she’s like you Li, wanting to marry for love. Brooks told me about her abdicating and that Louis is taking over from you. I’ll look out for them all. I promise. I miss you both so much. When the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me - it’s you Hana. Everything reminds me of you. Hana, I wish I could show you how much I love you- my biggest regret was not telling you the day that you left. I always assumed that you’d never leave.”

“That was beautiful. You didn’t tell her either?” Turning around, he wondered how long he had the audience for. Placing the guitar at the side of him, he was slightly embarrassed that she had caught him.

“Hey. What are you doing here?”

“I was going to surprise you all. But I thought I’d come here before. The place the four of us snuck to for some peace and quiet whilst Max, Bertrand and Sav babysat. The fantastic four.” Walking closer to him, she sat down beside him- dangling her legs over the edge of the rock.

“So what changed your mind?”

“The wicked witch of the west, along with my counsellor. They both said that I needed a break, my mind wasn’t really focused on the preparations for Louis’s coronation or the social season.”

“That wicked witch of the west saved our lives, Ri. I still don’t trust her though...”

“I know she did, hence why she got the Royal Communications Director job given to her. I still want to finish damaging her nose.” Shrugging, Drake laughed. At the time he wasn’t in New York when she did that but wished he was to see Madeleine get her comeuppance. They remained in silence, admiring the view surrounding them. “Beer?” Drake asked, Riley looked up at him smiling before snuggling into him.

“Could you try and teach me to play one day? It would be a good distraction.”

“Erm... sure. I’m not that good. Didn’t Liam play Eleanor’s guitar infront of you?”

Shaking her head, she knew the reason why Liam never played it. It brought back sentimental memories of himself as a young boy when Eleanor played the guitar and sung to him- especially at picnics.

Drake sat behind Riley positioning the guitar correctly, guiding her hand he helped her pluck a few strings. “Think of a song you’d like to learn and we can practice.” Feeling his breath on her neck, sent her heart racing.

“Okay...” removing the guitar, Drake sat beside her again. They both laid down staring up towards the stars.

“Why them? I still don’t understand, Drake.” Not knowing how to respond, not knowing the answer himself- he just placed his hand over hers. Both of them shed tears, tears that the two of them had cleverly hidden in public. Genuine tears.

“Is it ever going to get better? I don’t think I can go through any more shit, Drake. It’s scares the hell out of me.” Turning onto his side, he caressed her cheek- wiping away the tears that were slowly falling down her cheek.

“I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I don’t know many people who can; survive jumping in the river Hudson, survive domestic abuse, survive a miscarriage, survive being stabbed. You are the strongest woman that I know. Most people would give up fighting. You’re an inspiration Riley, not only to your friends and family but to your country.” Drake knew that everything she had gone through was due to that one bad decision he had made in the past.

“I suppose I should thank you for making me strong then? I’m going to head back, just to make sure that Maxwell hasn’t set your home on fire.” Laughing, she knew that Maxwell was capable to be involved in any calamity.

“I’ll come with you.” Drinking the remainder of his beer, he stood up ready to return to the cabin. Riley placed her hand onto his arm, focusing her eyes on to his.

“You don’t have to. I interrupted you. I talk to Liam all the time, I still phone him. I know how important it is to have these moments. I’ll see you back at the cabin, Glen is waiting to escort me.” Providing him with a tight hug, they stayed in that position for a while. “I’ll see you soon.” Caressing his cheek, she smiled softly at him. Drake nodded towards Glen who was stood in the distance, as Riley walked away. Knowing that she was safe with her guard, he still felt the need to be that extra protection.

Let it be, he whispered. Picking up the guitar he slung it over his shoulder, then picked up the empty beer bottles. Gazing up towards the brightest stars one more time, he blew a kiss. I love you Hana. I love you Liam. I miss you both so much.

****

Jackson had set up a fire, if anything Drake was good at his son had definitely inherited it. There was an awkward atmosphere, Riley began to feel sentimental being in her friends house- her friend who wasn’t there anymore. However she kept smiling for the company surrounding her.

“Uncle Drake?” Louis sat next to Drake, both sets of eyes were focused on Riley.

“Yeah? What’s up mate?”

“I haven’t seen Mom laugh or smile in such a long time. I want to thank you and Uncle Max. I haven’t seen you smile much either.”

“No need to thank us, Louis. We all love your Mom. Even your Aunt Liv. And she doesn’t do ‘love’...” Louis knew that this statement was a fact, his Aunt was a cold hearted bitch- but deep down she would be caring, at times. Sighing, the young man bit his lip- he loved his Uncle as if he was a second father. Ever since Drake’s party there had been something lingering in his mind- the past relationship between his Mom and Uncle.

“You still love, Mom. Don’t you?”

“Excuse me?”

“We know. Uncle Leo told us everything at your party. You got my Mom pregnant before my father. So you must love her. I know you love Aunt Hana... but you also love Mom.” Savannah didn’t mention that, he thought to himself- now thinking how to get out of this awkward conversation.

“It’s complicated.”

“Tell me...”

“Louis....”

“Please.” Drake gave in, seeing those sparkling baby blues pleading for some truth decades after these events occurred.

“Your father proposed to your mom at the end of his engagement tour. She rejected him, explaining that she loved us both. We slept together, I pushed her away. Saying that your father deserved her.... you don’t want to hear this.....”

“I do. Who is Nate and Kiara?” Those names hadn’t been mentioned in years. Liam was against it, not wanting to look in the past but towards the future. Drake explained that Riley moved back to New York. To get over losing her due to his own stupidly he slept with Kiara and that Riley had begun a new relationship with Nate. Tears began to creep down his face as he explained what Nate did to Riley and Leo. Then about the frightful night that Kiara stabbed the two of them.

“I regret how I treat your, Mom. How I never protected her. But between us all we are going to look after you all.”

“Who’s going to look after you?”

“I’m fine.”

“No your not, Uncle Drake. I think both you and Mom need each other more now than ever. Myself, Ayah, Ellie and Jackson were talking about it before. My father and Aunt Hana wouldn’t mind if those feelings resurfaced. They love you both.” Drake shook his head, slowly sipping his whiskey- he couldn’t believe that his godson was attempting to reunite them. They were friends. Only friends. Luckily Riley had forgiven him, if that was anybody else he wasn’t sure if they would forgive him so easily.

“Why are you whispering?” Maxwell interrupted.

“I’m just giving Uncle Drake my blessing.”

“Blessing? What for?” Looking towards Riley, he finally understood. “Ohhh. That kind of blessing.”

“He’s drunk, Max. Ignore him.”

“Personally I think you’re both too old to be fucking and sneaking away anyway. We’re not in our twenties anymore! Although saying that, I don’t think Glen is as good as Bastien, so you’d probably get away with it.” Shrugging, Louis burst out laughing at his ‘fun’ Uncles response. “Bast always knew about blossom sneaking off with the two of you. But seriously too old to be fucking and sneaking away.”

“Who’s too old to be fucking and sneaking away?”

“Maxwell was on about us ALL being too old to fuck. Wasn’t you Max?” Perking his eyebrows towards his friend, he hoped that Maxwell would suture his lips together.

“No. I was on about.....”

“I don’t care about your sex lives gentlemen. Come on Drake, make your infamous s’mores.. I’ve missed them.” Drake was grateful for Riley’s interruption, leaving the group- he distracted himself by making everybody s’mores. His forte.

****

A few hours later, Maxwell had passed out on the floor. The young adults had called it a night and decided to go to their tents.

“They are such lightweights.”

“You are such a hypocrite, I remember when you was a similar age.”

“Touché... thank you for putting up with us all. It’s been really nice spending time with you all.” Drake just smiled, he had attempted to keep a distance between the two of them. However that plan failed, as they sat together snuggling into the thin blanket that barely covered the two of them.

“I suppose we better get Maxi inside.”

“He’ll be fine, he slept with the peacocks surrounded by his own urine and vomit the other week.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No!”

“You’re lying, Drake.”

“I’m not... ask him yourself, when and if he wakes up.”

“I will do. Don’t you worry.”

“I’ll take him to bed, even if I’m going to break my back.”

“I’ll help you.”

“It’s fine, your Majesty.”

Knowing how stubborn she was, he wasn’t surprised when she stood up to help him with the dead weight. Assisting Maxwell to stand, they took baby steps getting him inside- after a few stumbles they flung him onto the couch. Resuming their position outside, they both got settled having having a beer- talking about Liam and Hana. Content in each other’s company.

“Drake who is here?” Looking at her with a perplexed expression- he was unsure as to why she asked this.

“Us, Maxwell sort of. Our children. Why?”

“Why does it sound like there’s an extra guest? Coming from Ayah’s tent?” Without hesitation, Drake shot up heading towards the young woman’s tent.

“Uncle Drake! Get out!” Covering herself up with the sleeping bag, she regretted not being quiet. Thankful in a way that her Uncle wasn’t looking directly towards her naked body.

“Theo! Get out!” Drake demanded with anger in his eyes. Riley popped her head inside the tent, disappointed in her daughter. Even if she sounded like a hypocrite.

“Mom, it’s not what it looks like... or sounds like...”

“Oh really, Ayah? Theo put that thing away... now!” Once the young man, covered his cock up- his body began trembling. He had always been scared of Drake and Leo- the overprotective uncles, but never Liam or Maxwell.

“I’m sorry, Sir Walker. Your Majesty. It wasn’t Ayah’s fault. It was all mine. I’m truly sorry. It was just sex. We used protection. I love, Ayah. I’ll never hurt her.” Hearing the words ‘it was just sex’, sent anger running through Drake’s veins. If Jackson had spoken like that, no matter how old he was he would ground his son. Grabbing the young man- he dragged him out of the tent. Surrounded by an audience and an echo of gasping, Ayah ran out apologising.

“Uncle Drake. Please don’t hurt him. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“Touch her again, in my house or anywhere near my house- and I’ll kill ya! Got it Vancouver?”

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Thank you so much for answering my question! It is really kind of you. I have 2 more if it is not a bother: Do you know Haikyuu? I have seen lots of ships on your tumblr and considering what kinds of ships you like, Haikyuu has SO MANY potential for you. :) And the second question is, what do you think about Mikoto and Reisi from K? I only saw Sarumi posts, so I am curious.

Oh heHE, let’s start with k project. Honestly Sarumi is the only ship I care about in this anime, I mean every other couple there for me is very undeveloped for me. Sarumi is like true love shit, I wasn’t expecting them to even go there, and when Misaki said to him “I want you to have a real home you can come back to and that’s me” my jaw was on the floor. I mean, they’ve seen each other at their worst and still loved each other (honestly the whole Fushimi’s father storyline and Misaki holding him through it was just too much for my heart). So they’re the only romantic ship for me in this anime.

Mikoto... wasn’t he in love with that guy who he took into their clan to protect? Who was killed? The one who lalala played the guitar whatever was his name? And that’s why he didn’t want to live after that, only wanted revenge and then finita? No?

Red king and blue king did have a sexual tension in that lighting a cigarette scene, other than that... they just “fought” with each other lots and I don’t even see much relationships or like anything that would make them a good romantic couple. And even if I pretend  that they loved each other... Mikoto asked him to help him killing himself? That’s like assholishness level 200 to me. I never got this idea of asking your loved one to finish your ass... like bitch, maybe it sounds good for you but did your selfish ass think about how your other half is going to live with that? So that’s a huge no for me. 

But seriously I like don’t know what to look for there, I don’t see it. I hope he’s in heavens with that other guy, but also I don’t really care, cause Fushimi was like the only thing why I sat through the whole thing, cause lord that hour of watching that girls watermelons I could’ve spent more productive (like man I was trying not to fall asleep during some useless episodes, I don’t even know why and what for some characters were even there), BUT but it was all worth it, cause there is one character who was written so good and so complex and he’s so well done that I don’t even mind.

Now before I go to Haikyuu... I think my problem is that unlike many I don’t ship every bromance just bc it’s a good bromance. Because sometimes there are some great bromances but they give out like zero romantic vibes. For example, Stiles and Scott: would totally die for each other, hug each other a lot, have no problem with saying I love you, but they’re like best bros, there is nothing romantic there. Like Stiles can ask Danny or Scott if they find him attractive, but he would never ask Derek about this, you know what I mean? They’re like me and my sister.

So for me there is a huge difference between bro things and gay things (like I only partly joked while making that rinharu post). And some couples are clearly crossed that line in some weird moments. Because things like high fiving each other and hugging each other don’t make anyone gay. I don’t know if that makes sense for anybody else... but those who have siblings or bffs will get what I mean. 

Like classical example is Rin Matsuoka. When it come to Sousuke he easily writes him letters and calls him like I feel with my best friend. I can call anytime and be like “bro, I’ve missed you”. Cue the 3x03 weirdest scene when Rin misses Haru and is afraid to call and tell him that. That’s the proof here that they’re clearly something weird there, cause if they were just friends he would be like “hey, bro, missed you” which will never be the case here.

Or can you imagine Rin and Haru seeing each other and being like “yo man” and fist bumping and hitting each other? I’ll bet 1000$ that you can’t. Rin can hit Sousuke in the shins, and ruffle Nagisa’s hair, but Haru would never get this from him. And spoiler: it’s not cause he hates him xD

Also I think the easiest example is Kuroko. (and please, don’t think I’m judging ppl for shipping stuff, I mean to each their own, it’s just my opinion). It’s the anime where people ship everyone with everyone just because of hey... bromances, while in my opinion most of them have seriously nothing gay about them and most of them just do normal bro things. Like how can Kuroko and Kagami be seen as smth romantic I still don’t get. Or like Aomine and Kagami thing??? They are like freaking twins. Same with Kise and Kasamatsu, Midorima and Akashi ships and many others.

Like we see Kuroko and how he behaves with everyone. Firstly he was shadow for everybody: Kise, Aomine, Kagami and he was good with every one of them. Kuroko is a people’s person, he is caring, he thinks about others a lot, he cares about everyone including Haizaki who is an ass tbh, so it’s also nothing special (I mean that way you can ship him even with Kyoshi xD). Aomine is special for Kuroko bc he understands him the most on the field, Kise is his main rival, Kagami is his least problematic light, Murasakibara is his favorite as a person... etc, this way you can ship Kuroko with anyone. 

But... someone gets what none of them get. Like Kuroko never checked anybody out or said compliments... but he did think Akashi looked yummy in his kimono at the festival. Kuroko never told anybody a zillion words “it’s all because of you” speech... except for one person. None of them made his heart crack and cry rivers when they left him... except one. And I just loved how we get this with everyone:

And then suddenly this happens:

Lol okay, blue-shems. He gives him his food and asks questions about “who’s his type and his special one”, like... you know he doesn’t do that with anyone else. And Akashi is not his bestie. So yeah, explain this as “bromance”.

Same with Akashi. He forms the new team. He actually misses Kuroko so much that he goes and finds a copy of him. The ONLY GOM member he can’t go without and it’s proved after Kuroko asked him on the interview “who is the person you scared to lose the most” and Akashi answers “you.. it’s you, Kuroko”. Now... hold the horses. We all know that Midorima is his bestie, there’s no contest there, which brings us to the fact that he places Kuroko higher than his best friend which makes Kuroko his... what exactly? 

It’s just some things can’t be BRO things.

Like when you cover your eyes and going “dude, don’t show your package in public, zip it, no one wants to see that”, that’s what I’m like when I accidentally see my sister’s boob. That’s how Makoto behaves when he sees naked Nagisa and Haru who’s undressing.

Opposite to Rin oggling Haru half naked and Haru shaking before touching Rin. That’s clearly not how you feel about your “just friend”. Everyone who has bffs must confirm that they don’t get nervous about touching them or them touching you cause you’re comfortable with that. Does this make any sense? I hope, it does. I’m not very good at explaining.

Now about Haikyuu. Haha I’ve been avoiding this so much, cause I didn’t want ppl to throw stones at me. I’ve tried.. I really tried to watch it twice. Once I got to ep8, 2nd time I asked my sister to watch with me (cause it’s funnier that way, that’s how we got through durarara without dying xD) and I still gave up after ep14.

It’s not only just that I was bored and I thought it’s gonna get exciting but it didn’t (bc I’m more of an interesting characters > an interesting plot person), it’s just.. it was episode 14 and I didn’t even find any character who would interest me cause they were so cliche. Especially Hinata. He’s like that super typical main from what I called the “never give up it’s such a wonderful life” bunch that I really deeply respect, but kinda so very tired of them lol. But he’s also from the loud bunch.. and I think I still hear Asta’s voice sometimes, even though I’ve dropped Black Clover after ep10 like a year ago xD

Now I can’t make judgements about the whole thing cause I didn’t watch it, but from what I saw (I mean “shipping scenes” from tumblr) and asked from ppl who has seen the whole thing (one huge fan and another one - not a huge fan, my sister), I got the idea that this anime is more bromancy that romancy. And there are no couples there like “without you I have nothing to aim for and I want a future with you” or “you made my life a dream and you’re the light of my life and I’m scared to lose you the most” like there are in free or knb. 

Now my sister has finished it 4 months later and said that it was just okay. And I was like “okay, but what about ships?” because I’m willing to close my eyes on the plot of the ships are good. And she went “well... two mains, I guess” and she was so apathetic about it that I was like “If she who ships much more than me is like that then I won’t see anything there” xD

But... like if you have anything to say to convince me or interest me in it, I’m willing to listen. If you have smth that would make wanna try for the 3rd time, I’ll even record how did it go xD.

[troybarnesbucky]

I woke up and decided to analyze each 9-1-1 pairing with regards to timing and also buddie

I just woke up and all im gonna say right now is this: this is long-winded but basically it takes a look at all the relationships on 9-1-1 and compare the timing and level of intimacy to that of buck and eddie’s relationship. 

at the end of season 1 of 911 I remember watching and realizing they were gonna push the whole bobby and athena relationship, and I was surprised, because I didnt think there was any preamble or much hinting to it. but I guess it made sense to me - they were both single, both in the same social circle, they got along. sure, made sense. and then season 2 comes along and they’re smack dab in the middle of their relationship and we have zero time to adjust to it as an audience, but once again, we quickly did (mind you, I did not watch it live as intently as a fan would, but I do recall a lot of episodes because my mom watches the show and I remembered a lot when I was catching up myself). at this point bobby and athena are happily married and I really do love them together, genuinely.

then, maddie comes along and there’s a bit more to the story. she has a lot going on, a lot she’s been through and we spend much of her first season getting to know her and watching her confront her past and create her own present. chimney had a bit of a rough start with relationships (.... tatiana, sorry love, but you could’ve had it all sis). her and chimney start out as friends but it’s very clear from their blossoming friendship that the writers intend for us to want a relationship for them, and we DO. because theyre adorable together and genuinely have so much chemistry and they’re good for one another. it’s a bit of a slowburn but we get there eventually, so much so that in the season 3 finale, we find out maddie is pregnant! which yes, did make me cry shut up. 

hen and karen had a rough start. even if they did look happy, they went through a ton of shit in the first and second season, especially the first season. which is fair; hen cheated on karen, and a large part of her storyline revolved around her ex and having to fight for denny. but there’s so much love between them, and a heavy history that is palpable through the screen. by the time season 2 comes around, they are a bit more grounded, and more so by the time season 3, too. it was interesting to think about their relationship is comparison to the others, which we watched blossom in real time. especially in season 3, because we see their love and support of one another during their attempt to have another child, and yes I also did cry when they met nia for the first time and no I will not elaborate. hen also went through a lot of shit this season; karen, despite what she went through, was and continues to be super wonderful and supportive, if a bit wary (but its okay because drunk karen and chim was a gift and we were well fed) for a second. their relationship is everything and also karen carries the whole show’s sense of humor on her back, I said what I said. 

then we have three more main relationships: michael and athena’s, which is over in episode 1; buck and abby (im not counting ali because genuinely she was in three episodes, im only looking at the main relationships for each character), which starts and ends in season 1; and eddie and shannon, which technically starts before season 1 and kinda ends in season 2 but then she dies. 

personally I dont think there’s much to add about michael and athena’s relationship. firstly, michael is a doll and if they hurt him in season 4 I will riot. but more so, the show gave us a LOT to work with in terms of their past relationship. also, it was interesting as a viewer, to learn about them from the bottom up. we see the tail-end of their romantic relationship and watch it get replaced with a genuine love and care for each other and their family. it’s a stark contrast to what a lot of shows on television would go for; it has a bit of rough, bumpy start, but by midway through season 2, they’re both on steady ground in terms of personal family life, and it’s actually a breath of fresh air. their dynamic is heavily surrounded by love for family, and we love love love that. 

I think with abby and buck we all liked it a little, at the start. buck was sweet to her and we see a change in attitude and an effort from buck that is clear to have never been made before. abby is also a pretty admirable character; she takes care of her mother, is incredible at her job as a dispatcher, and she struggles with maintaining personal relationships but still gives it a go with buck. and buck, from the start to end of the season, grows a lot, both independently from and surrounding their relationship. as a viewer I watched the show way later on, so I knew abby was leaving and honestly, I really did like her and their chemistry. as we go into season 2, we have buck, who is still living in abby’s place, and then the introduction of eddie.

so here’s the thing; this is where I was trying to get to. the show (the writers) made and continue to make interesting character and relationship choices. with eddie and shannon, there is a very clear closeness and chemistry between them that yes, does get revamped for a little. there is also history, which is very important and can’t be disregarded. but more than anything, we are looking at timing in this meta. eddie comes along in season 2 and there are a lot of things happening: hen and karen are getting back to normal, athena and bobby are suddenly dating, buck and abby are - despite what buck thinks - very over, and chim is single and ready to pringle, plus maddie is new and freshly separated from d*ug. as we go through season 2, we see development with athena and bobby, very clearly on their way to a stable relationship and marriage. hen and karen are working through things, we don't really doubt their relationship either. both maddie and chimney are single, and they become friends, and we very quickly, as viewers, realize where the writers are taking us and what they want us to think. 

so now im gonna get on my clown shit when I talk about buck and eddie. specifically, regarding the writers and their timing and why I think they’re either really stupid or actually very smart.

listen, everyone loves slowburn. hell, I'm writing a buddie au that will probably end up being like, upwards of 80k words and it’s gonna be a slowburn. buck, at the beginning of season 2, is in denial. im not gonna go through details but I will say that like..... okay, he’s heartbroken and thats fair. eddie, through means of “what a man,” is introduced and within one fell swoop, buck is immediately jealous and then like, twenty four hours later, they’re besties. tea. totally fair. in terms of timing, especially regarding relationships, there really aren’t many things to note: buck goes through that weird thing with taylor kelly, eddie goes through his drama with shannon, and when shannon wants a divorce, it kinda all goes to shit. by the end of season 2, we have buck trying to move on (and also nearly dying by means of a firetruck but thats not my point but also writers wtf) and dating ali (guys how do you spell her name lol) while eddie deals with the aftermath of his (ex, technically but I don't know if its mean to say that) wife. there are more than a few moments between buck and eddie that hint to a potential romance and feelings, like the santa scene and multiple others. then, season 3 is very very interesting. 

buck and ally(? seriously I don't know) are broken up, eddie is focused on christopher and actually, also buck, and then the tsunami happens. there is also not much going on in terms of other relationships on the show; maddie and chim get their shit together while also having a crazy season starting and ending with talking about having kids with a brief intermission of “I cant say I love you” and nearly dying on both parts and albert appears lol (and then disappears, too?? wtf). athena and bobby are pretty cool, hen and karen are trying for kids and hen wants to be a doctor. we have some others, like josh, who go through too much shit for my liking and deserve better, and michael, who...... deserves the world. 

okay. cleared that up. but timing-wise, if we look at the writers and their regard for timing, then we see this: any time two characters are single and there’s an ounce of friendship even hinted, they end up together. fine, that’s fair to say because we’ve seen it, right? after the tsunami, which is a WHOLE OTHER thing im not getting into, we have the lawsuit, eddie fighting, lena bosko (yall can be mad but she was hella cool), hen killing that cello (I think) player, michael getting sick, wow this season was fucking insane holy shit.

but in terms of character relationships and timing, a lot goes on with buck and eddie. in this one season alone, we go from eddie being the first one to hug buck at his surprise party and christopher giving buck a card with “bff” on it, then buck almost dies (again) and eddie is, quite frankly, the only one who takes no crap from him after he quits and then the tsunami and buck literally tearing himself apart to find his best friend’s son and collapsing at the sight of them reunited and then “there’s no one I trust more with my son than you” (is that the quote, I don't know it by heart) and THEN heart eyes, and then the lawsuit and supermarket and “you’re exhausting” and “christopher misses you” and “I couldn't even call you to bail me outta jail” and then the “I’m hearing a lotta ‘I’s, buck” and “I forgive you” and then the Infamous Kitchen Scene and me endlessly screaming WHY WAS BUCK’S HAND ON HIS BELT LIKE THAT? but also very pointedly I will say eddie fighting specifically when he can’t talk to buck and then it stops around the time he can hmmmmm. and also “this is eddie’s house im not really a guest here” then the fuckaifajfgkjfglgakjdgag tunnel collapsing and buck literally, once again tearing himself and everything apart for a diaz, digging with his bare hands and the defeated look on his face and refusing to think about eddie dying and eddie very nearly dying but then recalling christopher, his family, buck, then christopher and buck, then christopher and buck again, then a rare shannon appears, and then it’s just-

okay. OKay. O K AY. ok. here’s what I think. either the writers are incredibly smart or just viciously stupid, or the third, lesser liked option, they know what they’re doing and don’t give two shits. they are sitting on, and quite frankly they have created, a fucking goldmine. but in terms of timing, and relationship choices, we have eddie and anna(?) as a brief thing that will either reappear in season 4 or never be touched again, then abby’s lame-ass apology that was just her attempting to justify her actions by claiming she simply just should’ve told buck sooner. but a lot of this season explores buck’s loneliness, and in a way, too, eddie’s. 

yes, eddie has christopher, and the others? they have families and significant others. buck has no one (except maddie but you get my point) to go home to. I think, in terms of timing and thematic elements, this season took the time to explore the loneliness of two men, but also by doing so, only high-lighted their need for one another, their love for one another. in the past, that has lead to two couples getting together: athena and bobby, and chimney and maddie. 

so, my point is, season 4 is the make it or break it point. we got (weak-ass) closure with abby, eddie’s anger and regret with shannon (and yes, christopher), an exploration of both of their loneliness, and a very, very clear rocket launch of their closeness and dependence on one another, in season 3. it started with a lot and ended with closure on all extraneous factors that could have possibly deterred the two of them from a potential relationship. more so, abby is getting married and buck has no choice but to move on; he may not have loved her anymore but he needed the closure (and no I do not think it was good enough and I think buck deserved more but that’s not my point).

this can’t be read that much into. it’s not subtle, it’s not subtext. it’s very clearly there on our screens, with every small or big line. they mean a lot to each other. anyone with eyes can say that, has to say that. the problem is, what’s the intention? like, are the writers actually doing what I've just said, setting up for a slowburn, taking it season by season. you can look at it that way, and it actually doesnt take a lot to get to that point of a thought process. there is a HUGE, fundamental shift in buck and eddie’s relationship in season 3. there is a perceived difference in their friendship versus both their relationship with others and the friendship between others. denny doesn’t call chimney his best friend, “his chimney.” athena has never once told hen she trusts her children with her more than anyone in the world. 

there are a lot of interesting choices that have been made over the course of three season, particularly this past season. there are also a lot of possibilities for the upcoming season. we may see a return of that teacher, we might see buck fall into other women, we may see eddie not fully over shannon, or (hopefully not) an abby return. it’s just a matter of waiting, but there’s no denying the way things were left off; buck and eddie were both single throughout the entirety of season 3, considerably closer and not guests at each other’s place, both very lonely in spite of the people around them, closer to each other than the rest of the 118, both have a family member (or more than one for eddie) to keep them anchored. buck is, yes, more lonely, but they are both left off in the same place. my question, more than anything, is whether it’s intentional after all that’s said and done. and if it’s not, then why, pray tell, are the writers following their OWN very clear and self-fulfilled pattern of timing and relationships to an even stronger extent than they ever have? 

[malexfan10]

Now that my anger has calmed down.....

We got a season 2 renewal!!!

I can't say how happy I am about that. To get the renewal so soon after that wreck of an episode last night means everything! If we had to wait a whole month.....

Trusting the writers to fix what they broke is a whole other thing after that finale. But it can go two ways.

Either they completely decide to screw everyone over and have M&M be endgame (if Michael says 'I never look away' to Maria I will be completely done with it all) or they will test the waters with M&M and when they decide they've had enough, break them up and have Michael go back to Alex. I'm thinking scenario 2.

Now how should this all play out? It sucks that we even got a triangle to begin with and the fact that Michael said 'I never look away' and then ended up looking away to Alex's best friend no less brings my anger back from last night. The fact that Alex was sitting there waiting and wondering, looking at his watch, sad and alone while M&M was happening is not a visual I will forgive the writers for anytime soon. To top that, this ending made Carina happy if it ended there? That still puzzles me. Seriously, lady?? BUT what's done is done. Can't change the past. We can only hope that season 2 is not a terrible shitstorm like last night was.

So how can this all play out? Will Alex be waiting in the sidelines, depressed and upset, watching his best friend and true love across town being happy? I hope not! If they have M&M explore a relationship for half the season or even the whole season, then Alex deserves to move on as well. Do I still want Malex to be endgame? You betcha! But both sides to that relationship deserve happiness, not just Michael. If they can't have it with each other right now because one side has decided his happiness lies elsewhere, then Alex deserves the same treatment.

The last thing I want is for Alex to take that rejection as a sign and shoot his walls back up. He has done amazingly in terms of growth this season and I need his character to keep growing. The boy deserves so much happiness! So does Michael after all he's been through but because he chose Maria and because I dislike the triangle and how those M&M feelings came out of nowhere, he's not my focus right now.

Should a new relationship for Alex be with Kyle? I love that dynamic and I don't want anything to mess with that. Plus, in terms of where they are with each other, there is still so much healing that needs to be done. These two were probably best friends as kids. I love Kyle a lot but you can't fix that friendship overnight. Little by little, they've been making wonderful progress so I want that friendship to flourish next season and an added complication of a relationship won't exactly help. If Malex were completely done, I'd be gutted but I would change my tune on Kylex. But for now, let Alex be with someone new.

All of this is if they keep M&M together for half or most of the season. If it's a one or two episode storyline, then I don't want Alex getting involved with anyone else. But they put the effort to push this triangle so unfortunately, it doesn't seem likely that they will abandon M&M that easily or anytime soon.

Michael and Alex have been through so much in 13 episodes, together and apart. It's why we love their characters and storyline as much as we do because we feel for them and our hearts hurt seeing them tortured. Michael was always searching for a family, for a sense of belonging and when he found his mother, she was taken away in the most cruel and tragic way. But all these people around him see him as family too. They care for him from one degree to another. He's been through a lot on the show but he still has such a huge capacity to love.

For Alex, he started as an abused, scared, gay teenager terrified from his father's actions into choosing a life he never wanted for himself. Did he end up enjoying the Air Force? I think he did because like he said, it felt good winning battles. But at what cost? He put his life and happiness on hold for 10 years and lost his leg in battle. He's the definition of pain and suffering on the show but despite it all, he has always maintained this incredible kindness in his heart that is unmatched.

Alex started the season closed off and unsure and the journey he went through was beautiful to see. He found his inner strength, he faced his demons (Jesse) and he started forgiving those who had hurt him by seeing who they are now (Kyle). He finally reached a place where he wasn't terrified to open his heart to love again. That scene with Michael last episode? That was so pivotal to his storyline. He showed Michael how important he was to him, not just through actions, but through words. Words that have been lacking between them for so much of their history. He was willing to stay and die with him. He wouldn't have been able to have that moment with Michael at the start of the season. Where he was and where he ended up showed the biggest growth from all the characters in my mind. It was easily my favorite personal story arc of the season. Sucks how that growth got spat on last night but it doesn't take away from who Alex is now.

Do I want to see Malex be separated? No, I love them wholeheartedly. I haven't been this invested in a TV couple in a long time probably since Pacey and Joey back in the day. Oh, just a side note - Carina mentioned how she wants Michael to be the Joey Potter of Roswell. Giant No Thank You to that idea. As much as I love DC and PJ, the way Joey ping-ponged between him and Dawson was just ridiculous, never knowing who she wanted until literally the final episode of season 6. That is not what I want to see for Malex. Hope she changes her mind on that idea quick.

But anyway, with Michael choosing his version of a happy ending last night, then Alex certainly deserves the same. I hate that Michael chose Maria. I hate that he knew he and Alex were going to talk but he blew him off and went straight to Maria anyway. I hate that they kissed. I hate that Maria acted on her feelings knowing what Michael means to Alex. I hate that neither thought about Alex in that moment. I hate that he played the guitar in front of her. But if we're going to be forced through more M&M, then let Alex try to move on too.

I want Malex together, of course I do! But if Malex is endgame, and I think that they are, the writers are definitely not making the road easy for them or us. In the meantime, while I fast forward through whatever M&M scenes we're going to be getting, let Alex have some pleasure too. I want them to explore his family more, his mother, his heritage. Just give that boy some love and happiness please!

I love both Vlamis and Tyler equally but it shows how inexperienced Vlamis was with TV fandom. Tyler was a lot more reserved with his interviews - he'd been through it with PLL Haleb vs Spaleb. He expressed how he felt about Malex but that wasn't all he touched on. Vlamis (Oh how I still love him) was all Malex, Malex, Malex for weeks and then the shift in his tone was so obvious. He spoke about M&M a lot more towards the end. The powers that be advised or urged him to do so because everyone knew how the season was ending. But I still love him and of course I love Tyler. The Vlamburn bromance is everything.

I just want to add that Tyler's tweet today really helped heal my heart a bit. He's such a sweetheart for reaching out to the fans and trying to assure us. Knowing we have a season 2, I choose to believe him.

Sorry for the long post. I still hate how it all went down last night, how Alex was left alone and pining while M&M got together. I hate how both Alex and Maria were nothing but props for Michael's storyline. The finale felt rushed and I could probably pick only three things that I liked from the whole episode. Kyle, Liz and Max hugging in the desert and Rosa. I didn't even like that Malex scene in the trailer or Michael telling Isobel he loves Alex because of where it all went.

But now that we have a season 2, we have to look forward. I want to see filming pics and behind-the-scenes when they start planning the season. Hoping that M&M won't be depicted as some grand romance next season because seriously, what the hell? I hope that Alex can continue to grow and his friendship with Kyle grows even stronger. In the end though, I want Malex. I wanted them last night and I want them in the first episode of next season. That's obviously not realistic anymore so all I can hope is that they don't make Alex a sad, lonely, heartbroken 3rd party while they explore M&M being together. Because if they do, this fandom will seriously riot! And no more giving sacred Malex moments to Maria either. Please stop doing that. And flesh Maria's character out more next season too. Away from Michael, preferably, but more than being the bad best friend who hooks up with her besties soulmate. Like, honestly, come on. Girl's got such great potential.

In the meantime, I will bury myself in writing fanfic to tame my anger at that crap ending until season 2 🙂

Vlamburn ❤

[dangan-your-ronpa-imagines-blog]

V3 Boys First Kiss Headcanon Part 1

I’m going to divide this ask into two parts because it’s honestly kinda long and for the moments I don’t really have anything for the other boys left.

Also, I’m not really sure if I made this like a headcanon or an imagine, so yeah that’s that. Hope you enjoy this part and I’ll try to post part two soon!

- Mod Kaede

Shuichi Saihara

Oh, he is SO not ready for this!

To say Saihara was nervous would be an understatement.

He’s never kissed anyone before! What if he messes up the kiss and you break up with him?!

No no, Saihara. You’re being inrrational…

It could still happen though.

He never read any romance books before either, so he didn’t exactly know how to put the whole… Romantic scenerie. He even asked some of his friends for help, namely Kaede and Kaito, his two ‘hopeless romantic’ friends, as the others so nicely put it. He also asked Amami since he seemed to know one or two things about romanticism.

“Awww, Shuichi! That’s so sweet! But just be yourself and everything will go fine!” “Haha! You called the right guy for the job, Shuichi! Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars, is a master of romaticism, after all!” “Ah, I’m sure I can give you a few tips on how not to mess it up... I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Just don’t worry too much and you’ll be fine, you have your own charms.”

Yeah he kind of regretted have called them all at once, but they were kind of useful, a few more than others, actually...

After everything was done, he called you to get ready because he was going to take you to a nice dinner night at a fancy restaurant. Wow!

He came to pick you up and he was lookng more... anxious tan usual. His hands were also sweaty… More sweaty.

You guys got to the restaurant and ate a satisfying meal, Saihara kept on stuttering and blushing and it got to a point where you couldn’t even understand him anymore, he said he was fine though.

After dinner you guys went on a nice walk on the park, it was getting kind of cold so Saihara offered you his jacket which you gladly accepted.

More time passed and you guys decided to call it a day and he escorted you back home.

Once at your front door you held his hands and started to say how lovely the night was, Saihara couldn’t help but stare at your lips for a little. They looked so soft, they probably are...

It was time? I mean, it looked like the perfect time to do it, right? Oh, he could hear Kaede, Kaito and Amami chanting “do it, do it, do it” in the distance…

He leaned a bit closer, mustering up the courage to finally kiss you- but he chickened up. He wasn’t ready to do it. He’s not man enough to take the first step. He could already feel his three friends scolding him, mostly Kaito.

But as if reading his mind, you suddenly leaned closer to him and-

G a s p!

“It was lovely night, Shuichi! I hope we can repeat it soon!” And you closed the door.

Saihara was struck into silence, just staring at the door, eyes wide open, face glowing red. He couldn’t believe it! You kissed him! And- It, it felt really good, too…

...he would like to repeat that…

Kaito Momota

Oh, he is SO ready for this!

He has the whole night planned out! It was a perfect night!

Training, then eat some snacks, then training again, and then stargazing!

Heh, nailed it.

You’ve been dating for one month now and Kaito doesn’t even know how could he managed not to kiss you on the lips for so long!

But today was the day! You finally will get to kiss an amazing astronaut such as himself, the great Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars!

He’s going to impress you by doing One. Hundred. Push-ups! Isn’t that cool?!

You’re gonna be so impressed! And to top it all off, he’s going to Kiss you! And no, not on the cheek or the forehead, kiss you on the lips! And it’s gonna be the most perfectly smooth best kiss you’ll ever had!

His exact words.

This night is gonna be the best night of your life, with the best boyfriend you ever had, and with the best kiss as the cherry on top.

Or so he thinks.

Or so he thought.

When the night strikes, he calls you over to do your daily workout rutine.

And his fool-proof plan is set in motion.

Unfortunately, you can’t make a fool-proof plan if it’s made by a fool.

Instead of one hundred push-ups, or even his normally fifty push-ups, he does twenty because in the middle of it he felt exhausted, got a cramp, and lied there on the grass of his backyard while telling you to keep doing your push-ups whilst feeling ashamed of himself.

And when it was time for the snacks, he went to open the bag of chips only to accidentaly rip it open and make all the chips fall to the ground.

R.I.P Chips. You will be missed

And when the second training session begun, this time with sit-ups, he literally couldn’t even do one because he got a cramp on his leg.

So the night was going great.

But do not fret for our little astronaut! For it was time to do the one thing he couldn’t fail at.

S t a r g a z i n g!

It was also the last part of his ‘plan to give S/O the best kiss of their life and be the best boyfriend in the world’, so he had to do this one right!

With you sitting beside him, and the starry night sky above your heads, he knew it was the moment. Now or never!

“Hey, S/O, look at me for a sec.” he caught your attention. “Yeah? What is it, Kaito?”

You both were now face-to-face with each other. Your beautiful eyes staring at his. He moved closer, trying to keep on a straight face and maintain serious and compose. Trying but failing to keep his nerves in check, then - in a fit of energy - instead of going in for the kiss smoothly, like in the movies, he makes you butt heads- foreheads more likely. Really hard.

In the end of the day, you and Kaito ended up sitting on the sofá with icepacks pressed on your foreheads.

Sadly for the hopeless romantic known as Kaito, he didn’t actually got to kiss you - unless you can count bumping foreheads as a kiss - but there’s always a second time to try it! ...or a third time..

Rantaro Amami

Yeah, he’s chill.

I mean, he’s Rantaro “The Suave” Amami, the coolheaded, and charming yet cryptic boy who is desired for many girls and boys alike, what did you expect him to be?

What, did you expected him to be all stressed out and having inside fits of rage because he can’t kiss you because everytime he tries to some unexplainable thing happens that just completely kills off the whole mood he created to make his first kiss with you the best for the both of you? Pfft, as if.

….

Okay, maaaybe there is a tiny chance of him being a little, widdle bit mad by the apparent bad luck around your romatic moments. But he won’t let it show its face!

...In front of you, that is.

He just really wants to kiss you, and he knows you want to kiss him too- you said it once out of frustation after Ouma interrupted the pair of you by spilling panta on you!

Luckily, there is one person Amami can let all his frustations out with, aside from you, and that person is his bestie that knows how to talk about feelings without being cryptic about it or mentioning a dead relative- Kaede! His first and most trustworthy friend, the one who tried to befriend him when the others didn’t know how to approach him and his cryptics and shady words.

Also the one who sometimes helps him make the romantic scenery.

Kaede is well aware of Amami’s attempts to kiss you, and of said attempts being interrupted by the recurrent classmate appearing at the wrong time, or the current troubles a white-haired upperclassman’s luck causes.

So she has a plan to make you both finally kiss with no interruptions!

It’s very simple, really. But hey, it could still work and at this point, you’ll try anything!

It all happens at school, before the last period.

Kaede guides you and Amami to her research lab, once there you saw how Kaede had made everything look like a scene straight rip-off an old, cheesy movie.

“Alright! If you stay here while everyone else is in class, that’ll give you some privacy. I’ll also lock the door and make up some excuse for you guys so you won’t have to worry about anyone coming in and ruining the moment. You’ll be able to be all romantic and lovey-dovey! So wait here ‘til I come back, and once I’m back I wanna hear that you two finally kissed, okay?!”

Then she puts everyone’s favorite Clair de lune by Debussy on the disc player before promptly leaving and locking the door, and leaving two lovebirds midly confused.

“..I like it that she wants to help but... maybe she didn’t needed to lock the door,” “Hey, you never know anymore. With our luck, even Koichi could come through that door to drink, get wasted, and escape from his students.” “Haha, yeah… Kaede really did put a lot of effort in this, didn’t she?” “Well, you do say she’s a hopeless romantic, ‘sides, this looks really nice.” “Yeah, really nice..”

There was a moment of silence after that, only you and Amami staring at each other’s eyes lovingly, slowly getting closer and closer to each other’s faces, until they were only inches away of each other, your lips almost touching.

This was the moment he was waiting for. A moment of peace, with no interruptions, no classmates causing ruckus and getting you two involve somehow.

Just you and Amami, enjoying each other’s company as he caresses your cheek with one hand and finally closes the gap between you.

Kokichi Ouma

Alright guys what the actual heck-

There are so many things annoying him right now.

He tries to kiss you at school, he can’t. Why? Because some blonde bitch keeps bothering him with nicknames and whatnot.

He tries to kiss you at DICE’s hideout - that he thought was a good idea to begin with -, he can’t. Why? Because DICE members keep playing pranks on him and/or you because of some prank war between them that you happened to get caught in the crossfire.

He tries to kiss you at home, he can’t. Why? Because either he gets a call from DICE to attend some issues, or you are too busy with work to pay any attention to him, which ultimately hurts him.

HE TRIES TO KISS YOU IN HIS SLEEP AND ENDS UP DROOLING ALL OVER YOUR HAIR-

So yeah, you guys are not allowed to kiss, apparently. That’s how the universe wants it, that’s how the universe’s gonna have it.

But, oh no. What’s this? The great and dreaded Kokichi Ouma will not stand this kind of insult from the universe!

He is the Ultimate Supreme Leader, he is better than the universe, he is above the universe. He will kiss you even if that creates a dark hole in the universe and destroys the Earth.

Alright honey let’s not take it that far-

He has a plan. An eerily simple plan.

Ask the DICE members to stop screwing with his attempts to kiss you if they don’t want him to dispose of all of their rubber chickens, pies, masks, beautifully fashionable scarves and Panta for eternity because honestly, he is to this of this bulshit (cockblocking, how Miu calls it), and he’s usually the one making people feel like this, not the other way around, so this is new. He won’t let you see it though.

As for the kiss, it was rather playful. Kokichi’s way.

He made you chase him through DICE’s headquarters, as though you were playing Tag, at one point you lost sight of him and when you were about to give up-

B A M!

Tackled to the ground by your little purple gremlin, who was laughing and complaining about how easy you gave up on finding him, because apparently you started to play hide-and-seek at some point.

As you were about to tell him to get off of you, he saw his chance and kissed you- so suddenly!

You were taken aback by that, but didn’t pull away. A few seconds passed and Ouma pulled away from the kiss with a classic ‘nishishi’ escaping his mouth as he got up. Taking a look at his face, he looked satisfied, relieved even.

Was he really expecting that kiss so much?

Bonus for Saihara’s one:

In the distance, hidden in some bushes, the certain friends of a certain detective are watching over him.

“Haha! I knew he’d do it! That’s my side- Wha?! He’s backing off?!”

“Oh, Shuichi… Remember our training!”

“Hm. Guess he wasn’t read- Oh?”

“Oh?!”

“Oh! I knew they’d be the one to make the move! Go Y/N!”

“Looks like someone took the initiative.”

“I gotta teach Shuichi how to not chicken up when you’re making your big move, that’s for sure. At least he got what he was aiming for, though.”

“I think our job is done, let’s call it a day?”

The three nod in agreement before being going to a suddenly-planned stargazing night, suggested by Kaito.

[popatochisssp]

Fur a Good Time, Call... 11/15

Series: Undertale, Horrortale Relationship(s): HT!Sans/Reader, HT!Papyrus & Reader, HT!Sans & HT!Papyrus Chapter Warnings: mild dissociative episode

You work at an animal shelter. You love all your fuzzy buddies and can’t imagine a better job for yourself than looking after cats and dogs all day, even when the work is hard and often gross. What can you say? You’ve got a lot of love to give!

You’re just not quite sure yet how you feel about the new monster who’s been helping out these days, and this riddle wrapped up in an enigma is something you just can’t resist investigating…

AO3 Link

Stumble

Ahh, the best and worst part of your job.

“Careful, sweetheart,” you chuckle, “Princess is a big girl and she’s really excited, so don’t let go, okay?”

“Okay, I won’t,” Andrea assured you, holding tight to the leash with her little hand.

It was a truly adorable sight to see, the bright-eyed little girl with a million-watt smile and curly, grade-school pigtails hugging the neck of a dog twice her size.

You weren’t worried about the size difference.

Princess had been with you for a year and you (almost) couldn’t think of a sweeter, gentler dog, no matter how loud her whiny barks were or how ‘mean’ she looked.

Somebody had finally come in who agreed: Andrea latched onto the pit bull within minutes of walking into the shelter and absolutely insisted she was the one—they could both be princesses, together!

Your heart may have melted, just a teeny tiny bit, when she’d said that, and since her mother was now up at the front desk with you filling out the adoption form, you think you’re not the only one.

Delilah dutifully jots down her information with her neatly manicured hand. The sharply dressed lady had honestly intimidated you a little at first, but when she had smiled down at her daughter and explained that they’d come in to find Andrea’s first doggy, your nerves had settled.

“This’ll be good for her,” she says to you, almost absently. “She’s been wanting a friend.”

“Princess, too,” you agree. “I bet they’ll be besties in a week.”

Delilah chuckles. “Aren’t they already?”

Looking at the two of them now—the hugs and face-licks and the tappa-tappa-tappa of excited claws on the tile—you figure she’s probably right on the money.

Watching the slightly bigger family walk out of the shelter, you barely even feel the pang of missing Princess, knowing she’s going off to a great home and a great life.

…But the pang is still there.

You pull out your phone and quickly send off a text, hoping to alleviate the feeling.

You: Hey, I miss our son, send me a pic.

Sans doesn’t keep you waiting for long.

PUNbelievable: [IMG-54]

The picture makes you smile.

Buddy’s handsome face takes up your screen, his blue eyes wide and sad-looking.

He only ever makes that face when he’s angling for food and trying to look extra cute. It has an embarrassing success rate with you, and you’ve caught Sans giving in more than once, so you know it’s not something Buddy’s going to stop doing anytime soon.

The longer you look at the picture, though, the more you realize…

You’ve seen it before

That’s kinda surprising. Sans almost always sends you new ones, candids of whatever your boy happened to be doing at the time you asked.

Then again…

You: Can’t even be bothered to go find the dog on your day off?

Sans got a lot of days off since he wasn’t…y’know, actually employed. He always seemed to use them well, though, for sleeping in or watching a ton of TV.

Naturally, you weren’t about to judge. That was pretty much how you spent your days off on the…very, very rare occasion you took them.

You made sure to tack a winky face onto your text, just in case Sans thought you were mad at him or something.

PUNbelievable: nah sleeping

PUNbelievable: sorry

You smile and add a kissy face to your reply.

You: Don’t let me keep you from your important business! See you later!

PUNbelievable: k

You put your phone away and get back to work.

You’re not sure why you feel weird about it.

-

You still feel weird almost an hour later.

You’ve been granted the great privilege of socializing (read: playing with) a whole litter of kittens while their formerly stray, now spayed mom watches you cautiously. You’re literally covered in adorable, fluffy babies who leap and chirp and fall all over themselves when you shake feathery toys for them and it’s cute beyond words, it really is!

But…you’re distracted.

“I’m being dumb, aren’t I?” you ask the poofy little angel perched on your knee.

He looks at you with his big beautiful eyes and mews, long and high-pitched.

You sigh. “Yeah, I’m being dumb.”

You knew you were.

It was only a text: tone was notoriously impossible to read through text, so getting bent out of shape over one was just…unnecessary.

“Sans just texts like that sometimes,” you told the kitten. “It doesn’t mean anything’s wrong.”

The kitten doesn’t even look up this time, busy kneading at your leg with his sharp little claws, but you think you’re reassuring yourself a little.

Sans does just sort of…text that way sometimes. No punctuation, short words, clipped answers, you’ve gotten it from him before.

Maybe not…since you started dating…but it wasn’t like it was some new thing, either.

It was hardly some sort of sign that Sans was annoyed at you or…or suddenly disinterested or something.

The very thought made you laugh a little.

As much as you still didn’t quite understand what Sans liked about you, he’d made it pretty clear by now that he did like you, kind of a lot. The hugs and cuddles and nuzzles you exchanged near-constantly were proof of that.

You felt the same way about him, and even though you were now keenly feeling your skeleton’s absence, you also felt a little better.

“He’s just sleeping in,” you decide. “I’ll text him again later when he’s actually awake.”

You shift, moving the hand that’s holding the cat toy and about six kittens try to pounce on it at once. Every single one of them misses, colliding with each other in a flurry of protesting peeps and wiggles.

Stars, now this is what you’re supposed to be focusing on!

You get your phone back out and start recording the play session. Best case scenario, you’ve got something ultra-cute to put up on the shelter’s website, and worst case scenario, you’ve got something fun to send to your two favorite skeletons later.

Only a minute and a half of video ends up being taken. You stop the recording when another text pops up on your screen.

PUNbelievable: i lied

You’re frowning, sitting up so fast that you actually topple a kitten over and it mews at you plaintively.

You scoop it back up and instinctively apologize to it, and by the time you look back, you have another message…and another, and another.

PUNbelievable: not sleeping, bad day

PUNbelievable: didn’t want you to worry

PUNbelievable: shouldn’t lie though

PUNbelievable: sorry

…So…you weren’t being dumb.

You’re not sure if that makes you feel better or worse.

You: Are you okay?

PUNbelievable: sure

Well, that’s not a very comforting answer.

You’re actually a little startled by how powerful the sudden urge to drop everything and go find Sans is.

It makes you feel kinda silly again. He’s your boyfriend, but he’s a grown skeleton, it’s not like you need to check up on him…

…but you want to.

You want to go check on him and make sure he’s okay, even if you don’t need to.

It’s what Sans would do if you were the one having a bad day.

That’s probably why, in spite of the fact that you have about a dozen other actually work-related things you could be doing right now, you herd the kittens and their mom back to where they belong and go looking for your manager.

You find her in the back, doing paperwork that looks like payroll. She greets you, which you return a little hesitantly.

Don’t pussyfoot, you scold yourself.

The thought only reminds you how much you want to be with Sans right now: you’re still covered in cat hair and a joke about that would’ve killed.

“Hey, uh…I was wondering if it’d cause any problems if I left a little early today. Like…like a half-day?”

Your manager frowns, looking concerned. “Is everything alright?”

“Oh, no, yeah, it’s…everything’s fine,” you’re quick to assure her. “I just…there was something kind of personal that I wanted to…check on.” The excuse sounded even lamer out loud than it did in your head, and you resist the urge to wince. “It’s not an emergency, I can stay if you need me, it’s not—”

“Would this be a skeleton sort of ‘personal’?”

You freeze like a deer in the headlights at the sly look on her face.

“Uh…I…it might be…?”

Your relationship with Sans wasn’t a secret, but you hadn’t exactly advertised it either.

Or…maybe you had?

The two of you were still new and you could get kinda…kissy. You were under no illusion that that was anything even remotely approaching subtle.

But it’s also just now occurring to you that you never looked up any rules in regards to workplace romances. You weren’t exactly coworkers, Sans was just a really dedicated volunteer, but that was such a technicality.

Were either of you in trouble…?

Your manager laughs in your face. “Oh god, you look so nervous! Relax, you’re fine.”

……Phew.

“I knew you two would work well together,” she says. “I can’t say I knew you’d work that well together, but I’m not surprised either. You’re a good fit.”

Oh. This is awkward.

You feel your face heat and almost wish you were in trouble.

“Thanks,” you say curtly, eyes glued to the floor.

Your manager seems perfectly aware of your embarrassment and smiles indulgently. “Look, you do a lot of good work around here and that hasn’t changed, bony boyfriend or no. We all appreciate it, but you’re allowed to do things for yourself sometimes, too.”

You look up a little hopefully. “So…?”

“You’ve still got a ridiculous amount of paid time racked up and we’ll survive around here for half a day without you. Go smooch a skeleton. Next time you want to play hooky, though,” she adds, “let me know a little sooner?”

“Right. I will. Yes.” You turn to leave, almost forgetting to say, “Thanks!”

If she says something in reply, you don’t hear it.

You’ve got Sans on the brain and you aren’t going to feel right until you see him.

-

The brothers’ house is quiet when you get there and let yourself in.

You know Papyrus’ routine these days almost as well as you know your own, and you know he’s got a full class schedule today without much time in between. He isn’t home and won’t be until pretty late, but Sans and Buddy are here.

Or they should be, anyway. You don’t get an answer from either when you announce yourself and a quick peek into the backyard shows it’s empty, so you head upstairs.

Buddy’s fluffy black and white head lifts from the floor as soon as you reach the top, his ears perked and his tail slowly wagging at the sight of you.

“Hey, there you are, Buddy.”

His tail wags faster. You notice he’s laying down right in front of a door and think you have your answer about where Sans is.

“You want in?” you ask, walking over. “You wanna see Sans with me?”

Buddy springs to his feet, looking up at the round doorknob—an impassable barrier to his pawed self.

Well, what was the point of opposable thumbs if not to let dogs into rooms?

You turn the knob and no sooner is the door open than Buddy’s scampering inside, taking a running leap up onto Sans’ bed.

Sans is there, too, placidly sitting on the edge of the mattress and you smile to finally be able to see him for yourself.

You hope you’re not being clingy or weird coming over unannounced like this.

You just…really wanted to see him.

He looks alright, at least physically. He’s not really dressed, just wearing a black pair of sweatpants that must be his pajamas, but he doesn’t seem particularly bashful as he looks over at you.

He doesn’t seem particularly…anything at all, actually.

Even as Buddy sniffs along his spine in dog-greeting and lays down behind him, Sans’ skull is entirely blank of expression and that…doesn’t sit well with you.

“Hey, babe,” you say gently, in human-greeting. “How’re you doing?”

“…bad. why are you here?”

You think normally, that frank of an answer might’ve hurt your feelings. But you’ve heard this distant tone in Sans’ voice before.

“I took a half-day. Wanted to see you,” you admit with a sheepish grin.

You’re not sure what kind of reaction you expect Sans to give you from that, but you think you must’ve expected something because you’re surprised when you get absolutely nothing.

Sans just…stares at you, his red eye-light tracking you, but even that looks flat somehow.

Empty.

You definitely know what this is now.

That time before…when Sans told you everything…he was like this then, too, all spaced out and distant. Back then, you’d only been his friend and had no idea what to do to help him. This time…

Well, you still had no idea what to do, but now you were his datemate. You were confident that it was your place to help if you could…even if you were still just going to be winging it.

You come a little closer, asking, “Can I sit?”

“……sure.”

You sit down next to him. You try for a close yet respectable distance, but almost immediately slide right up against him thanks to the dip his weight causes in the mattress.

Sans may be all bones, but they’re big bones, with considerable heft.

It’s a fact you’re very aware of with most of those bones on display right now, pressing up against your side.

You don’t let it distract you.

Sans seems okay with touch so you reach out, settling your hand on his femur.

“I gotta say, it was kind of a relief to cut out early today,” you tell him. “It was just an overload of cute in there, all day, it was relentless.”

You tell Sans about your day, the saga of Princess and Andrea, and then being swarmed by a ferocious gang of fluffy kittens.

You don’t really expect Sans to interject or respond to you, and he doesn’t beyond the occasional grunt or huff, but he does angle his skull towards you and just sort of…watch you talk.

Whether he’s actually processing or retaining the words you’re saying, you have no idea, but you also don’t think it matters if he is—as long as he’s hearing you and knows you’re with him, you think that’s probably a good thing.

You also think of the other times Sans has texted you, ‘sounding’ weird but with totally believable excuses about why he wasn’t at the shelter that day when he should’ve been, or what he was doing on his day off.

You wonder how many of those times he was actually having an episode like this one and just went it alone.

He let you in this time, though.

You’re so proud of him for that, and so happy that you can be here for him.

“…Oh, jeez, and uh, heads up, Big Boss definitely knows about us.” You pick up Sans’ hand, holding it in yours to convey your meaning. “I got a really awkwardly maternal…pep talk? I think? Out of it, so I guess we’re fine.”

“mmm.”

“She said to go give you a smooch, actually, but…” You wrinkle your nose. “I think our smooching should be on our terms. I’m gonna kiss you when I want to kiss you, not when our boss tells me to.”

You look up at him. He’s still watching you, still blank, but also…still your very handsome skeleton beau.

“My impulse-control is garbage,” you admit, stretching up towards him. “This isn’t from her, okay?”

“okay,” he says flatly, and you smile.

You press your lips to his cheekbone and turn to nuzzle his face a little for good measure.

He doesn’t return it the way he usually does, but he doesn’t push you away either, and when you settle back down by his side, he moves his arm a little so you can get closer.

You feel like a pretty good datemate right about now.

Somewhere outside, a car alarm goes off.

Sans flinches hard at the noise and even when the car’s owner quickly puts a stop to it, he still looks…pained.

“Sans? Are you okay?”

Beyond the obvious not-okay-ness, you mean.

“…………headache,” he mutters eventually.

You have no idea what a headache feels like with a giant hole in your skull. You’re a little afraid to imagine it, actually.

“Aw, how long, baby?” you ask. “All day?”

Sans shrugs, which you take to mean ‘yeah, more or less,’ and you frown.

“Did you take anything for it?”

“……mmn.”

That was a ‘no.’

“Have you left this room at all? Gotten food?”

“…………”

“Sans?” you prompt.

“…no.”

You push yourself up off the bed.

“Okay, well, that’s not gonna fly,” you decide. “I’ll go get you something. Stay here. …Both of you,” you add as an afterthought, pointing at Buddy.

He’s about as settled onto the mattress as a dog can be, so he just looks at you as if to say, ‘who, me?’

“Yes, good boy.” You plant another quick kiss to Sans’ skull, gentle as can be. “You, too.”

And with that, you leave the room.

You feel a little bad about rummaging around in the brothers’ medicine cabinet. You try not to take any particular note of any bone colognes, bleaches, or anti-anxieties and zero in on a monster-friendly aspirin bottle.

A quick skim of the label says it’s best taken with food, so you pop the bottle in your pocket for now and head down to the kitchen to see what you can make quickly with your minimal amount of skill.

On the way, you shoot Papyrus a quick text asking him to call you if he can, noting that it’s only mildly urgent so he doesn’t worry too much if he can’t. You feel…pretty in control of the situation right now, but you also think you’d feel better if you could at least let Pap know about it.

Sans was your boyfriend, but he was Papyrus’ brother and this…whatever this was, probably deserved at least a call.

Their pantry is well-stocked, as always, but pretty much everything in it has more cooking directions on the packaging than you’re confident with. You switch to the fridge, and find tons of leftovers in tupperware—which is pretty much exactly your culinary speed.

You fish out something that looks and smells like stew and almost just nuke it in the microwave…but you decide to use the stove instead. Wasn’t it supposed to distribute the heat more evenly…or something?

Ugh, more adulting I never learned all the way…

In any case, pouring the soup into a little pot and stirring it on the stovetop made you feel more like you were doing something; being useful.

Until you’ve got someone who can actually talk back to you, you have to take the validation where it comes.

You bless the universe itself for Papyrus because nearly the second you think it, your phone starts to buzz.

You answer it without taking your eye off the stove. “Hello?”

“Hello, Dear Friend!” he exclaims, sounding only a tad frazzled. You hear people shuffling about and talking in the background and think he’s probably in a hallway. “I Have A Brief Lull And I Wanted To Make Sure Nothing Was On Fire. …Or If It Is, That The Proper Response Teams Are Called To The Correct Places!”

“No, no, nothing’s on fire,” you promise, “metaphorically or otherwise.”

“Oh, Good, Metaphorical Fires Are The Worst. Second Only To Philosophical Fires, What Do Those Even Burn, Anyway?”

You have no idea and you tell him as much, “…but listen, I’m at your place. I took the day off ‘cause Sans is…”

Stars, how would you even describe what Sans is right now? ‘Spaced out’ is too light of a description, ‘not himself’ is uselessly vague and slightly ominous…

There’s probably an actual term out there somewhere for this, but you don’t know it, and it’s not as if Sans could really go get properly diagnosed or treated for it.

Luckily for you, this is apparently not Papyrus’ first rodeo, either.

“Ah. He’s Having A Bad Day?”

That was certainly one way to describe it. “You don’t sound too surprised,” you note.

Papyrus sighs. “Sadly, No. These Things Happen. Sans…Goes Away Sometimes. There’s Really Not Much To Do About It, But He’ll Be Back Eventually.”

“That’s…a little reassuring, I guess.” You frown, remembering the last time you saw Sans…‘go away’ like this, and what he was like when he ‘came back.’ “Is…I mean, should I be worried about…after? The last time this happened, uh…I’m pretty sure a panic attack was involved, that’s not…is that normal for one of these?”

“Definitely Not,” Papyrus said firmly. “That Was Probably Triggered By Something Else.”

Like Sans believing for a second that he’d broken your neck? That would likely do the trick.

“Attacks Aren’t Very Common For Sans, In General, I Wouldn’t Worry Too Much About It.”

“Okay. Thank you, Pap, I’ll do my best over here.” Like hell you’d give Sans anything less! “Oh, but hey, I mean…is there anything I…maybe shouldbe doing that I’m not?”

“Well, That Raises The Question Of What You Are Doing, Doesn’t It?”

“Uh…well, mostly so far I’m just…talking to him…touching him a little, like on the arm and stuff. I got it out of him that he had a headache and hadn’t eaten yet, so I’m…I’m heating up some leftover stew and I got some aspirin to go with it. Is that…is that enough?”

You hear Papyrus laugh over the phone, a soft little ‘Nyeh-Heh-Heh.’

“I Don’t Know Why You’re Worried,” he says. “You’re Doing Everything Right. I Have To Go But Clearly, Sans Is In Very Good Hands. I Believe In You, Human! And Continue To Keep The Fires To A Minimum If You Can!”

“Haha, yeah, okay, no problem, Pap. Go learn some more stuff, I’ll see you later.”

Papyrus is truly the monster embodiment of sunshine…or maybe an energy shot.

You get off the phone feeling re-motivated and ready to take on anything!

You finish with the stew, get it in a bowl, and head back upstairs to Sans’ room where two pairs of eyes are on you the second you open the door.

Well…Buddy’s pair, and one magic red light in an eye-socket.

“Found some stew,” you announce, bringing it in. “Or maybe soup? Is there a difference?”

Your answer is, of course, blank stares.

“Yeah, I have no clue either.”

Setting the bowl on the nightstand for a moment, you fiddle with the aspirin bottle and hand a couple tablets to Sans, who takes them even before you ask him to.

You’re starting to remember from last time how weirdly compliant these…episodes? made him act. You still don’t think you like it, but at least it makes taking care of him a little easier.

Sans takes the bowl when you pass that to him, too, and only spends a moment looking at you before starting to eat it.

Satisfied, you plop back down on the bed beside him, reaching back to give the dog a pat for not being too much of a food-hound right now.

You loved dogs, they were such incredible animals. They could be smart enough to read a room and decide the right time to beg for scraps and at the same time, be dumb enough to get stuck in a couch or bark at their own reflection.

Amazing.

A spoon in your face startles you out of your musings.

You blink at it, too surprised to process it for a second, before turning to look up at Sans. The look on his skull, completely devoid of any of the emotional cues you were used to, was absolutely no help but there weren’t many ways to interpret food being held in front of your face.

He wanted you to have a bite, too.

You smile, feeling warm all over, and accept it—you hadn’t had lunch and you were definitely a little peckish.

It was easier not to think about it when you had Something Important to do, but you’d brought Sans his medicine and his food and with your tasks completed, that rich broth smelled far too tempting to turn down entirely.

Over the course of the bowl, you accept another two or three bites, but turn down the rest.

“No, baby, I’m fine, you finish it,” you say to the last one, patting Sans on the arm. “I at least had breakfast this morning.”

Sans doesn’t react to your teasingly chiding tone, but he does finish the stew without protest and lets you take the bowl when he’s done.

“I’ll take care of the dishes real quick,” you say, giving him another kiss on the cheek as you go. “Don’t want Papyrus pitching a fit over a messy sink.”

Papyrus probably wouldn’t be too terribly upset if you just left the dirty dishes in the sink to soak. He’d probably also immediately go wash them himself in spite of his gruelingly long day of classes, which didn’t seem fair to you at all. Better if you just take care of it now and then nobody has to worry about it later.

Besides, what else were you doing? It was your day off!

You keep that thought in your mind when you finish washing dishes and come back to Sans.

“Hey,” you say to Buddy, pointing to the floor. “Down, off the bed, down.”

Buddy, knowing at least one of those words, takes his sweet time stretching and shaking off a little before hopping down onto the floor.

More room for you.

You close the window curtain against the midday sun, kick off your shoes and get on the bed, pulling at Sans like you could somehow budge him if he didn’t want to go. “Come on,” you coax, “lay down with me.”

Sans does without question and you arrange the pillows and blanket to your liking before snuggling up next to him.

“I’m gonna take a nap,” you tell him. “Wake me up if you need anything, okay?”

“……okay.”

You’ve got the day off and Sans is taken care of, and while this isn’t exactly the circumstances you’d imagined for your first time sharing a bed with your boyfriend, you’re not going to waste the opportunity to relax and enjoy not being at work.

Sans is like a skeleton space-heater beside you and you doze off to the thought of all the nuzzles you’re going to give him when he comes back to you.

-

You wake up…not quite sure where you are.

There’s something soft and plush underneath you and a big hand stroking so gently and pleasantly over your head that you almost don’t want to open your eyes.

You do anyway.

The hand stills as you look up into Sans’ grinning skull from your new place atop his chest.

“hey,” he says.

You couldn’t explain in a million years how, but from just that one word, you know.

You’ve got your Sans back.

“Hey yourself,” you mumble in a rasp, pushing yourself up a little.

You wake up faster when you feel the strange give beneath your hands where there should’ve been…no, not even bone, there should have been a cavity where you were laying.

So, what the hell…?

………

A pillow.

Sans had actually wedged an entire pillow into his ribcage so you’d have something comfy to lay on while you were on top of him.

“I’m gonna be frank here,” you say. “I don’t know if this is adorable or hilarious.”

Sans laughs and you bounce a little with the movement. “can’t it be both?” he asks. “an’ if you’re frank, who am i?”

…Yep, your Sans was back.

You snicker, planting your palm in the middle of his face. “A jerk, apparently. You’re lucky I already knew that!”

Sans grabs your wrist and you blink in surprise as he holds your hand still so he can nuzzle it.

“i am lucky,” he agrees, his single red eye watching you. “thanks for stayin’.”

Your heart thumps hard in your chest. “I…well, of course I stayed. Where…where else was I gonna go?”

“work, if you didn’t take off for me.” Sans looks mildly chagrined. “i didn’t mean to make ya’ do that…”

You scoff. “You didn’t make me do anything. I wanted to come see you, so I did.”

Sans doesn’t look particularly comforted.

“Hey, come on,” you insist. “You know me, I never take time off, it’s not like I don’t have the days saved up. I got a nap in and I got to see my favorite skeleton, that sounds like a pretty good use of a day to me.”

Sans stares at you…and then he smirks. “m’tellin’ Pap you said i’m your favorite.”

You laugh and pull your hand back from him. It’s an empty threat and you both know it, but still…

“Okay, you’re right, I take it back: Papyrus is my favorite skeleton.”

“aw, i only got to be the favorite for ten seconds? that’s cold.”

“He’s just my favorite skeleton,” you say, folding your arms over Sans’ chest and resting your chin on them. “You can still be my favorite funnybones. How’s that?”

That one takes an extra moment to process.

Sans’ eye-light is shivering again, warping weirdly out of shape, and you’re definitely going to have to start paying more attention to context to figure this out because you didn’t even say anything humorous that time.

No time to think about it now, though, because Sans is sitting up, his arm coming around your back to hold you against him.

“okay,” he chuckles, “okay, just for that, we’re gonna salvage this half-day of yours.”

You laugh a little. “What?”

“c’mon, your first ditch-day in fifty years—”

“It’s been a couple months?”

“fifty years,” Sans insists. “we can’t just lay in bed all day, let’s go.”

You yelp in surprise when Sans unceremoniously rolls off the bed with you. You’re tensed, clinging to his ribs like handlebars as you wait to thud onto the floor.

There is no thud, of course. It’s a ‘whoomph’ at best when the two of you land on the couch downstairs and Sans starts digging through the cushions for the TV remote.

When he finds it and turns it on, you snort. “So, we’re gonna lay on the couch all day instead?”

“couch date,” Sans shrugs, winking down at you. “it’s my turn to pick, isn’t it?”

…You gotta give him that one, it is his turn.

You roll over to face the screen, snuggling backwards against Sans into the closest thing to a spooning position you can manage. If you leaned your head back, you’d barely be resting it against his sternum, but it’s hardly your fault that he’s impractically huge.

At least you’ve got the pillow in his abdominal cavity to make it more comfortable, plus the decorative couch pillows he graciously shifts around and settles beneath your head and arm.

Sans really is a thoughtful guy, even if he won’t stop giggling about how small you are.

“next time we go somewhere that charges admission, i’m smuggling you in,” he says. “pop ya’ into my ribcage an’ nobody’ll know, two for the price of one.”

The mental image is so stupid that you laugh, too. “I can’t even tell if you’re serious, you actually are that much of a con-artist. For the record, I don’t want to do any crimes, don’t make me do crimes!”

“aww, don’t get worked up about it, i’m just ribbin’ ya’.”

“I’m telling you, Sans, the comedy police are gonna get you one of these days.”

He bends down, nuzzling the top of your head. “visit me in comedy prison. bring me a cake with a rubber chicken baked into it.”

“What?” you laugh. “Why? That won’t help you escape!”

“i’ll serve my sentence fair an’ square, the chicken’s to keep my morale up. help me hendure it.”

You don’t even dignify that with a response.

“hey, if I’m down on my cluck an’ all cooped up…”

Okay, fine!

“How about you just don’t go to comedy prison at all?” you suggest. “It’s not eggsactly all it’s cracked up to be.”

Sans’ deep baritone laugh behind you feels like a gift, a hard-won reward after a rough day and it makes something in your chest sing with delight.

You reach back, swatting lightly at a rib. “Pick something good to watch, funnybones.”

“yes, dear…” Sans sighs, but he also drapes an arm over you as he starts to flick through the channels of daytime television so you know he isn’t as put-upon as he’s acting.

There’s not much on, of course: it’s still daytime programming, which is always a little lackluster no matter how many channels you have to choose from, but neither of you is all that picky.

You end up bouncing around from show to show, catching bits of movies here and there. Some of them you recognize and can give some context to Sans about, and others you’re both completely clueless.

Buddy comes down eventually to join you, laying on the floor in front of the couch. You know you’re anthropomorphizing, but you think he looks a tad annoyed with you for disappearing on him the way you did. Luckily, you can reach him from your spot on the couch and you give the scruff of his neck a good apology scratch so you don’t feel too bad about it and your dog-friend certainly doesn’t try to stop you.

You don’t try to stop Sans, either, when he reaches down to touch you.

It’s perfectly gentlemanly, of course, with nothing untoward behind his idle petting. The feeling of his hands stroking along your body—your arm, your hip, and just once, a bit of your thigh—is nothing but pleasant and you’re happy to lean into his touch and let him leisurely explore you.

It’s nice, a lovely way to spend an evening and that’s exactly what you do: snuggle and watch TV together until the sun goes down.

-

All three of you look up when the front door opens and Papyrus strides in.

He seems a little surprised to see you but quickly smiles when Sans gives him a lazy, “hey, Pap,” and goes right back to watching TV.

“Hello, Brother,” Papyrus returns, shucking off his messenger bag of books and his fashionable cold weather attire, “Human! I Suppose The Both Of You Have Been Lazing Around All Day While Some Of Us Were Working To Be Productive Members Of Society.”

“Yeah, pretty much,” you freely admit.

“best day ever,” Sans adds, stroking at your arm with his thumb.

He doesn’t turn away from the screen, though, so he misses the little thumbs up Papyrus gives you on the sly that makes your cheeks feel a little hot.

You suppose it could be worse: he could’ve asked for details about why you were spooning his shirtless brother in the middle of the living room, still mostly dressed for work yourself and leaning back against the whole entire king-sized pillow Sans had stuffed behind his ribs.

Papyrus is incredible at rolling with the weirdness, though. The more time you spend with these guys, the more you realize it has to be because he’s seen weirder.

Truly, a harrowing concept.

“Well,” Papyrus proclaims, “If You’re Both Really Such Loafers, I’m Sure You Won’t Properly Appreciate A Lecture On The Merits Of—”

“nope, already tuned out.”

“Sigh. No Point Wasting It Then!”

Without further ado, Papyrus marches over to the couch and shoves Sans’ legs right off of it.

Sans has pretty quick instincts. He catches you against him so you don’t fall off, too, and half sits up, bracing himself against the armrest.

All he says is, “dude,” but you hear the unspoken, ‘what the fuck?’ clear as a bell.

Papyrus just sits down on the newly-freed couch real estate. He bends to give Buddy on the floor a quick pat and then reaches over to swipe the remote.

“You’ve Had Plenty of TV-Time With Your Human, Sans,” he says flippantly. “If You Insist On Corrupting Them With Your Couch-Potato-Ing Ways—”

“i do,” Sans says emphatically, hugging you more tightly to his chest.

“—Then They Should At Least Be Exposed To Some Decent Monster Culture!”

So saying, he changes the channel. No actual programming is playing yet, but there’s a promo on for the special that’s about to air and you recognize it.

“Oh, Napstablook!” The ghost DJ, one of monsterkind’s most prominent artists since coming aboveground. “I love their music!”

“Ah, You’ve Heard Of Them!” Papyrus seems pleased. “You’re Not Completely Hopeless, After All, Then.”

You feel Sans huff out a breath behind you. “didn’t know blook was gettin’ a televised concert…”

“I Only Just Found Out Myself,” Papyrus admits, “But I’m Happy For Them! Nothing Beats The Showmanship Of The Late, Great Mettaton, Of Course, But That Ghost Can Certainly Mix Some Spine-Tingling Tunes, Nyeh-Heh-Heh!”

It’s quiet for a long moment, save for the sound of the television.

You have the feeling that Sans wants to say something, but has to figure out how first so you keep your mouth shut and let him work it out.

“hey,” he says to you eventually. “new date idea. you cool with changing it up?”

Still in your ‘day off, down for anything’ mindset? “Yeah, sure, whatever you wanna do.”

Sans nuzzles the top of your head again, gratefully affectionate, and then turns to Papyrus.

“hey, bro, we’re gonna go to grillby’s, get ‘em some real monster culture. ya’ wanna come with?”

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