#'this is literally just writing' if i dont make it quirky to myself im not going to finish writing.

[radioforums]

writing is kinda funny because you know exactly how this bitch is ending but your hypothetical audience sure as shit doesn't

[lanaxoxoxoxoxox]

No no no you’re getting a FUCKING REQUEST TODAY BABY

Ok so maybe someone of your choice with a really bubbly talkative reader and someone called reader annoying and then they like- stick up for reader

Does that make sense-

Like-

Reader: *talking*

Bitch: “ur annoying”

Person of choice: “not on my watch”

yes yes yes !! im in love with this ask frog oml

angel watch

wilbur soot x loud!reader

warnings: angst?? idk but theres DEF some fluff sprinkled in here

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

reader pov

I never really thought about my actions often, but in a good way. Obviously I would know if I accidentally hurt someone, like any other average human being would do. But I never ever thought about my personality and it's own actions.

Ever since I was in first grade, my parents, friends and even teachers would describe me as someone with a "flirtatious, bubbly" personality. That never really got to me, and I found it funny. I mean, it does make sense, as I literally used "bubbly" in my Twitch username for when I stream. I do have to say, it's quite useful when streaming, as it keeps me engaged with my chat. That's what I enjoyed about myself. But I guess my chat didn't that day.

"Hello bubblies! How are we doing today my loves?" I said, smiling into the webcam.

user657: great!!

user342: meh, but ur stream is the best !! :D

userfroggie8: live laugh love y/n

message was deleted by a moderator

"Nice, nice! If your day is going pretty shit, I hope I can cheer you guys up!" I said, making a heart sign into the webcam. "Today is going to mainly just be a silly lil' rant stream. Maybe perhaps some storytimes? Maybe some clip reactions? We'll see, loves. But first, I need to remind everyone that you can subscribe to my channel for free with Twitch Prime if you have it and would like to support me."

I continued the stream with talking about random stuff that popped into my head. I was in my little streaming room, in my little shared apartment. What I didn't know is what my boyfriend was watching in the living room.

wilbur pov

Whoever said that cleaning pots and pans from the night before is a "relaxing" thing to do, needs to wake the fuck up. I mean, it's not like I'm going to make y/n do it, especially since they're going to be really tired after their stream. Especially with their cute, bubbly personality, when they get tired, they get tired. They have full on "sugar crashes".

I felt my phone vibrate from my back pocket. I placed the last pan down on the drying towel and slid my phone into my hands. I unlocked it.

"y/n_bubbles is live! "LETS CHAT!!" I smiled into the reflection of my phone. I plopped down onto the living room sofa and opened up the Twitch app, playing y/n's stream. I watched for a while, before grabbing my phone to send a message back to Tommy and catching up with my twitter page. I focused my ears back onto y/n's stream.

reader pov

"Alright, lets take a break from the rants for now. I bet y'all are tired of hearing my crazy rant voice!" I laughed to myself.

Suddenly, my donation sound popped up. "I should probably change my sound from the duck noises. That's, um, real immature from me..." I laughed again.

user10 donated $2.00

i dont watch ur streams often but can you like stop talking once in a while ur rly annoying. stop thinking you're different from other streamers and that ur "quirky". stfu. /srs

"Thanks user10 for the $2! Guys, I seriously can't read, I need to take a second to actually read the donations out loud for you guys, seriously." I inspected the donation closer. "Alright user10, what did you write... 'i don't watch ur streams often but can you like stop talking once in a while ur rly annoying-'" My heart stopped.

Don't let them notice Y/n.

Don't let them fucking notice.

I continued reading. "'stop thinking you're different from other streamers and that you're.." I paused. "that you're quirky. Shut the fuck up.' Um, I'm gonna take a little pause break guys." I said quietly, quickly turning off my webcam and switching to the "BRB" screen. I kicked my legs up to the chair and sat there for a minute, ignoring the rest of the world around me. Is that what they really thought of me..?

wilbur pov

I looked back up at the TV. I thought y/n was just talking about her random new games she enjoyed or about her friends, but instead was met with utter silence. When you hear your bubbly significant other who is the biggest extrovert stop talking, in the middle of a chatting stream, you know something's up. I looked over to the corner and saw a donation from some "user10". "i dont watch ur streams often but can you like stop talking once in a while ur rly annoying. stop thinking you're different from other streamers and that ur "quirky". stfu. /srs"

What. The. Fuck.

Not even bothering to shut the TV off or grab my phone, I ran upstairs to Y/n's streaming room and looked over at Y/n, sitting dead silent in her chair. I ran over to them and spun their chair around, accidentally hitting the keyboard and hurting my arm. "Fuck-".

Shut up Wilbur! Focus on your partner.

I spun their chair around and raised up their head. "Hey, hey, it's okay! That person is being a total dick, and what they said was utter lies." They raised their head up and looked at me in the eyes. "Don't listen to them. You're an incredible person." I stood up and looked down at them. Their legs were still bouncing. I kneeled back down again and placed my hand on their thigh to help them stop shaking.

"I love you." I said, before softly kissing them. I felt y/n stop shaking and smiled into the kiss. They turned back to their monitor and their jaw- dropped...?

"Uh, Will?" they said softly.

"Yes, love?" I replied.

"You accidentally turned the webcam back on when you hit the keyboard. The microphone was also on still. Chat's going fucking bananas." they laughed, placing their head in their hands.

user7798: FUCK USER10

user455: they're dating???? OMG

y/nstan4life: omg there so cute why cant i have that [happy-cry]

mcyt7447: Y/NBUR!!

I looked over to the chat and chuckled. "Oh shit."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

[toonfinch]

this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.

i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.

i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.

the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.

azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.

i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.

intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.

currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.

i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.

i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?

also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.

now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.

it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.

for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.

our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.

last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.

between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.

anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?

and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.

the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.

so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.

idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.

hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"

btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.

i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.

i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.

anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.

good fucking lord.

im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos

[caluski]

ive made myself hot chocolate wine. hot wine chocolate maybe. its mostly hot chocolate and some wine... i only added a little because i havent made hot wine in a long time now, i was worried id evaporate the alcohol and make it gross. but it turned out fine and its good, maybe next time ill make some with spices. maybe replace oat milk with some other one... i think cashew might be good, maybe if i spot it on sale somewhere. with cinnamon maybe, with slices of orange? orange matches both chocolate and wine, why wouldn't it work with both at the same time. i wish i could spend an hour or so in the kitchen, making different infusions that i could try with someone else. its always so much more fun to try new things with another person.

i dont really mind drinking alone, since i already usually do it while watching something or writing. but i do really really miss drinking coffee or tea with other people. i miss talking to people so very very much. i talk so much.. if one somehow hasnt figured it out yet from the absolute fucking abundance of long posts on my blog, but i really do love talking. my big problem is that i talk so much, that my hot drinks cool down before i get to take a sip or two. im really horrible at keeping that balance between being caught up with the conversation and drinking. although i never really have much to say, i keep repeating the stories ive already told a million times before, and i say silly stuff, and i complain about a lot of things, and i get sidetracked constantly. not really in like, adorable or quirky way, i can imagine it must be annoying for the other people in the conversation, especially when i get too excited and interrupt people and dont listen very well. i think its one of those things i wanna improve about myself.

yesterday, as i was walking home through the centre of the city, i was horribly in need of coffee, it was so cold and i was in a good mood, and i only had weak green tea that morning, and since it was still pretty early in the day, the cafes had some free spots. but i walked in, looked around, and walked out. its like everything reminds me of loneliness these days, and when i got inside, tables were all taken by couples or groups. i dont think it was a sign of anything, but it made me so awfully bitter. i know loneliness doesnt make me special, i know literally everyone experiences it to some degree, but god, it really hurts to look around and see that despite everything, people always have someone out there. a best friend, a significant other, family member, whatever.

theres that stupid thing everyone always repeats, "theres always someone out there who loves you, even if you dont know about it". i used to hold onto that desperately, but its so dumb. unrealistic and dumb. it makes you hope that maybe right now youre alone, but once you'll be at your rock bottom, SOMEONE will magically show up and say, i care for you, and i will be by your side to support you, or whatever. but then you hit the rock bottom and theres nothing, or better yet, someone you had hoped would stay with you suddenly says "i have anxiety and seasonal affective disorder, i cant be around you or ill get worse, too", and you dont want them to get worse because of you, of course you dont. theyre being reasonable, and you know that, and you cant do anything about it. even if you do guilt-trip them into staying, would that even really help, if they resented you for it secretly for the rest of their life.

a week ago or so ive walked into a cafe, as well, but i got so overwhelmed that i had to pretend to look around which tables are free, and left right away. just brought in mud and puddles, probably, since it was such a snowy day. i worry that one day ill be better, but i wont be able to step foot inside a cafe anymore, because it will remind me of nothing but the days when it was just me and self-loathing. not that i can really afford cafes anymore, but i cant think about that now. or worse, that ill never get better, and ill never get to experience it again, the presence of another person by my side, having coffee or tea or desserts, and talking and laughing and maybe even flirting. that thought makes me nauseous, but i know its likely. it kind of sounds like not much to wish for, but it feels almost too perfect to ever be possible - not only to have money for that in the first place, but also a person who cares for you enough to want to be around you, to want to talk to you or listen to you, a person who wont tell you "we can go out, but i have only an hour" and then leave after 20 minutes because it turns out in that hour was included their ride back home.

i keep thinking, one day ill find someone, one day i wont be lonely anymore and then ill let it all out of my system. but i know its silly, because by the time ill find someone, ill forget how to really be a person, how to have a conversation. i talk to myself a lot, in my head, but its not enough, it doesnt really feel like anything. i write a diary, i write short stories, i write posts on this stupid blog, but nothing feels like talking to another person, and its awful. my memory is far worse, i stutter more and more with each passing year, im being more and more awkward in such an uncomfortable and humiliating way, that it only makes my brain scream at me to shut up forever. i know why my family doesnt want to talk to me, im more unpleasant than ive ever been. i know its unfair to be blaming them for not wanting me around; they stopped asking about anything, recently, because i cant stop crying whenever they start the topic of job search. i cry too much these days. i had to stop showing up to my favorite grocery store, because theyve seen me too many times all wet-eyed. and i cant help it anymore! i know im still human, i know im not a victim, i know my suffering isnt greater than anyone else's. but something has changed and i cant imagine getting better, anymore. or at least going back to who i used to be. theres no hope anymore! and if theres no hope for me anymore, what do i do? "just surviving" isnt neutral, its horrible, its painful, its a nightmare. i dont want my life to look like this. i dont know what to do anymore. and ive said it a thousand times, i know, but its the only thing i have floating around in my useless empty head. i miss hope. i miss believing that i could still be happy, one day. and i know that was stupid, too, i can see it now, but at least it was something to hold onto.

i miss being around people. i miss it so much. i miss talking to people so horribly. i miss laughing and i miss being held. i dont need all this cortisol. i dont want to forget what it feels like to not be alone. but the more i want it, the more out of reach everything feels, the more unrealistic even the simplest things seem. i might as well be dreaming of living in alternate universe fanfiction.

[fictionfixations]

man im gonna miss the owl house.

its a fucking masterpiece. that ending. Its all wrapped up in a nice and pretty bow and im so happy and im actually crying its precious to me like how gravity falls was, and amphibia (i admit im not the biggest fan of amphibia, with as fear of bugs and also holy shit thats a lot of 'filler' thats technically not filler because they DID have to wait like months to be able to venture outside but eHHH) gravity falls and its entirety was precious and nothing can match watching it for the first time amphibia was pretty and quirky with characters i genuinely cared about and the world building was cool and the owl house is a whole... IT HAD GAY, it had magic, it hAD BOOKS, it had so much stuff that i really liked and im so happy about it. and all of their endings made me cry and im still crying shut up oh my god and i didnt watch the episode like yesterday because i forgot and got distracted (haha sorry) and i want to make something to never forget but i already have the amity necklace, the season 1 poster (because season 2 had sold out by the time i checked sob, huNTeRRR) AghH but its in a pretty bow now and i have nothing to write about it. the perfect show honestly has to be the one that there's nothing that you can add to it because its perfect.

theres nothing that makes me want to add on to it, nothing to build out angsty and sad scenes (i mean it had everything i wanted LMFAO. anything else would have to just be like either a drabble, or like canon divergence and therefore hunter pov. because i am the writer who mainly writes male pov, clap clap) AND IM HAPPY FOR HIM HE HDWUISAHDIUA oh my god i just saw the flapjack grave oh my god it just spawned a new set of tears (I HAVENT FINISHED WATCHING THE CREDITS I HAVE WORDS TO SAY)

OH MY GOD AMITY (THEY ALL LOOK NICE. also can i backtrack and talk about how gus reunited with his father, with the illusions of multiple hims and then his dad was just hugging them all and that made me so happy??) also back track further LUZ WAS ROCKING THAT TITAN STYLE and she still has the litlte marks on her eyes (it was probably makeup though maybe? i dont remember if she had that after she turned back i dont think she did? idk) OH OH OH DARIUS (thats abomination coven guy right. oh my god i forgot what their rank was already LMFAO) NAD AND AMITYS DAD ?????? RAINE YOU LOOK SO PRETTY EM(ira? I FORGOT HER NAME. I JUST REMEMBER ED AND EM NAMES ARE FAILING ME RN) OH MY GOD THEIR DESIGNS next thing you know on youtube: nolstalgic the owl house lofi HOLY SHIT IS THAT GUS?

YEAH THATS HIS PALISMAN- HOLY SHIT ??? OH MY GOD EDA. AND SHES WEARING RAINES EARRING THING *SOB* AND HER ARMS A HOOK. OH MY GOD I LOVE HER /P AND THE LIGHT GLYPH im rewatching this so many times im so happy, this is like a literal timeless show in my eyes (like how you can watch gravity falls over and over AGHHH)

OH DEAR STEVE--- its just so perfect and im repeating myself and AGHHHH also can we talk about how they taught the collector what mortality was? i think thats the right word (i was about to say morality haha) LUZ JUST BRRR but like halfway through i remembered that papa titan (like the one from. i think it mightve been the first of season 3...? like when they go through theres that waving guy who sounds like hes running and panting and yelling 'hey' in the background, and i remembered 'OH IS IT HIM') and just oh my god *exaggerated hand movements*

oH MY GOD (and i know thats not the actual light glyph we had before- i know this because i tried drawing it once)

LOOK AT THE LITTLE HORNS AND THE DIAMOND SHAPE ADNWUIAS HDAIUD YEAHHHHHHH MORE LEARNING

i need to take a moment before i cry again my hands are shaking. im going to miss this show. i really hope i can find out what to write in the future (AHAHA unintentional pun to the episode 'in the future') EDIT: NO ITS FOR THE FUTURE, IM SO DUMB ahhh i want to immortalize it. i have this bad habit of forgetting things easily (on the plus side, YEAHHHH i can finally put my half a semester of spanish classes to use for luz!!)

[kozykricket]

some ramblings on appreciating new updates in games

im a sucker for new things. oh im "afraid of change," yeah, IN THE SENSE THAT it takes me a while to *start* changing things, but like. new shit?? stuff thats changed in a viddygame??? i love it! i love new stuff, even when it sometimes feels like, gimmicky in a game or something. i love knowing about the new stuff... albeit sometimes just to be contrarian, but liKE I GENUINELY DO LIKE THE NEW STUFF TOO!!! its usually cool when games add new quality content and i get to learn aaaaalll about it and then nerd out to people (obviously to show my superior vast intellect /s /s /s) and I GET TO BE LIKE YEA THIS THING DOES THIS THATS SO COOL ISNT IT!! and share the joy of new things that like yknow, its like, im not gonna gush over how i love a feature from terraria 1.2 or minecraft 1.7, because. everyone KNOWS about that, they know the inner workings of those things. they know that stained glass is very cool for changing beacon colors. they know what a duke fishron is. yknow? that and... back then, i wasnt as deliberately following development, so its not like "i was there!!" yes, i will admit a flaw in that at least 10-20% of it is sometimes just trying to be cool and feel hip and in with the new stuff, to show off... im not gonna hide it, im contrarian too. when it comes to stuff in games. but im mostly just defensive of things that i find cool because ive seen them being made! i see a lot of time put into something shiny and cool and im like honestly? mad respect, i will put this on a pedestal. of course i know putting people you dont know on pedestals is dangerous, but you get what i mean. i love... like. this is at least 30% of the reason i love terraria 1.4+ ? because theres some terraria players who havent had the time to figure out stuff, and that means i get to nerd out about stuff that they havent heard before! woo! i get to be like okay peep this and IG ET TO SEE THEIR REACTIONS! i mean idc if their reaction isnt a big one, its still nice to just. know that its someones first time experiencing something. even if they hate it. if they hate it, then ill still just ride the joy of feeling Cool for Knowing Things because i love Knowing Things and Learning and - yeah. theres more reasons i love 1.4 though. like, the quality of the content, the way it feels more terraria-y, like its... EMBRACED the terraria energy, and... how it felt like quite a re-invention of terraria, so it sorta led to me deciding to re-invent my own playstyle, especially when combined with how i felt many playthroughs were getting samey. i took the opportunity to get more into building, and the game worked with me! not against me! because pylons are cool as fuck! they literally!! let you make one giant interconnected base of bases!! i could write a longer post on why i love 1.4, but it honestly just comes down to how quirky it all is, and how. FUN it is. i know it feels gimmicky. new stuff always does. and i cant shake that feeling sometimes, especially for like. i dunno, sniffer related stuff in minecraft, or ginger island in stardew valley... but i still find joy in them. talking about them. experiencing them. refreshing my experiences. sharing joy in them. or if people dont share the joy, just feeling happy to know a lil more than they do (though, i try not to let it give me an ego or anything. its my one little vice i'd say, though, that i let myself have. like that snack that you treat yourself to...)

[otterplusharchive]

rey! do you have any recs for kdramas? i have never watched any, but i like lovable characters and romance ? thank you in advance!

I DO IN FACT HAVE DRAMA RECS HII not all of these will be kdramas, but ill start with the kdramas ive watched and enjoyed and ill include all the warnings for them that i can remember off the top of my head and a brief synopsis for u!

kdramas-

1. weight lifting fairy kim bok joo

this was probably one of the first kdramas i saw people post about in like 2015 and i watched a little bit of it in 2016 but then only just got around to finishing it last year. the basic gist of it is its about a young sports college weight lifter, kim bok joo, centering around her navigating through her life and trying to figure out who she is and what she wants in life and what she wants to be. her romantic interest in the show is a swimmer and they have a sort of rivals to friends to lovers, he is SO in love with her and its adorable. i absolutely loved the side characters in this show theyre all so fun and kim bok joos best friends and weight lifting team are especially delightful. my main warning would be that this show addresses eating disorders and theres a lot of mention of both weight gain and weight loss, theres also a plot point early on where kim bok joo has a crush on her eventual love interests older brother but it gets resolved and the older brother literally goes "i didnt realize you had a crush on me and if i knew that i wouldnt have been so friendly with you, it would be completely innapropriate for us to be in a relationship". overall its a really sweet and emotional fun show but if you have issues with weight talk id skip this one

2. tale of the nine tailed

this one is really recent from last year and i didnt expect to be so hooked by it but boy howdy did i get attached to all the characters and the wild plot. it feels hard to explain the plot but basically a nine tailed fox named lee yeon is living in modern day seoul and is working for the underworld finding paranormal spirits/creatures/other rogue foxes that are causing havoc on the world, hes resigned himself to living this life while waiting for his girlfriend who died tragically 600 years ago to come back to life because he traded his status as a mountain god in order to ensure that her soul would one day be reincarnated. a plucky investigative journalist named nam ji ah figures out that hes not human and shenanagins ensue because she looks exactly like his dead girlfriend oooooo whatll happen. the plot beyond that gets really wild and its hard to explain and is easier to just watch. if u enjoy paranormal adventures this one is good. my one big complaint and issue with this is that the immortal mountain spirit meets his original girlfriend when shes a child and she continues to visit him off and on as she grows up which is Hm I Dont Like That! but thankfully the present time romance our female lead meets him when shes about 30 if im remembering right. also warnings for general fantasy violence, references to child abuse, animal death, and abandonment issues

3. extraordinary you

HUGE unreality warning for this. if you have issues with feeling unreal or have paranoia/delusions about not being a real person id avoid this one just because of its premise

ok i know i said tale of the nine tailed was a hard plot to explain but BOY extraordinary you is even HARDER to explain. because its so wild but so good. its about a girl who realizes that she is literally a side character in a comic book, and the story becomes her trying to change the story to save her character from dying but it becomes a lot more than that. the romance in this is literally tooth achingly sweet and the show itself is very pretty, i loved the side characters in this one and the show was engaging and interesting to watch it became really layered and meta. super reccomend this one honestly. my main issues/warnings that i can remember off the top of my head were just one character being the classic controlling boyfriend stereotype, bullying someone specifically for being poor, unreality like i mentioned before, and then at the very end there was this love interest for a side character who got reincarnated from a past piece of writing that they had been in and put in the comic but she was a student and he was the school cook which is weird but thankfully they like barely interact at all and theres no real romance he just like recognizes her and its barely a thing at the end of the show but its still weird

4. mystic pop up bar

big warning for suicide, sexual harrasment (which is framed as being bad and the guy whos harrassing the girl literally gets thrown off a roof)

i havent finished this one yet and thats mainly because im not emotionally ready because this one makes me soooo emotional. if you like found family this is a good one. its about a pop up bar run by a woman whos been tasked with solving the problems of a certain amount of people in order to atone for her crimes in the past before dying, shes able to enter the dreams of people and solve their issues using the information she gets in the dreams. paranormal shenanagins ensue, she acquires a son and a husband and it kills me its so fun and quirky and fun despite handling dark themes and peoples problems. also very sweet the found family murders me

5. kingdom (netflix original)

i literally am not going to be able to watch any other zombie media because kingdom and train to busan are the best pieces of zombie media ive ever seen. warnings for gore and violence and just general horror aspects.

i absolutely love this one its so thrilling and well done, i love the acting and the way that this show looks its absolutely gorgeous. a zombie plague breaks out in joseon period korea where the emperor has died and then was brought back to life by the queen and her father in a ploy to try and keep their family in political power, the crown prince must find answers. a lot more happens and its very dramatic and good i love the characters in this one

cdramas

1. the untamed. if you follow me and you havent watched the untamed im begging you to watch the untamed. literally one of the most beautiful stories ive experienced in my life i am not joking when i say i cried multiple times over it. the main characters are canonically gay in love and have a son together please watch the untamed. handles a lot of dark themes, heres a tw guide

2. the sleuth of the ming dynasty

this is another one i havent finished but its fun so far, very gay, found family, food, and solving murder mysteries during the ming dynasty

3. hikaru no go (also known as qi hun)

havent finished this one, there is some propaganda about hong kong in the first episode but as far as i know thats the only instance of something like that in the show

this ones about the game go and so far its very sweet and fun, local boy awakens a ghost who was a master of the game of go hundreds of years ago and eventually is persuaded to learn how to play go with the aid of the ghost. im really liking this one so far its very cute and i love the characters in it. if youve watched the untamed nie huaisangs actor ji li is in this one!

4. the legend of yunqian

this ones very short and on youtube, all the episodes are about 5 minutes long and its a lesbian time travel fantasy adventure with a happy ending! funny and cute

jdramas

1. cherry magic

please please please watch cherry magic. the premise sounds very much like a weird yaoi kind of thing but trust me on this. trust me. it is so heart warming and sweet and i was so emotional about it and the growth of the main character.

adachi gains the power to read peoples minds on his 30th birthday based off a urban legend that if youre a 30 year old virgin that youll become a wizard. after gaining this power he accidentally finds out that his extremely popular and handsome coworker has a crush on him, and shenanagins ensue along with adachi having blossoming feelings in return. this show was really refreshing in a lot of ways, adachi is a main character who like.. is unsure of himself and insecure in a very kind of realistic way, he closes himself off and is afraid to reach out to people and through the course of the show we see him slowly come out of his shell and realize that hes likeable and lovable and that people want to be around him and its so nice to see. my main complaint about this show is that i dont really like the background couple, but otherwise this is a very sweet and refreshing gay romance that has a happy ending!

some others that i myself havent seen but that ive seen people talk about a lot and that i want to watch eventually:

- the legend of fei (cdrama)

- the wolf (cdrama)

- gaurdian (cdrama, not the kdrama one called goblin)

- healer (kdrama, i did watch some of this one but it was in 2016 and i never finished it so i barely remember any of it but i do remember liking it)

- nobody knows (kdrama)

- its ok to not be ok (kdrama)

sorry this is so long but i hope youll be able to find a drama u enjoy!!

[felidfavs]

oh man theres that tiktok rn where a nonbinary person is expressing their annoyance with certain nonbinary community subsets and ive been trying SO HARD not to comment on it but hHHHHH.

On one hand i completely get where they are coming from and its definitely A Thing so like no shade to that persons experiences and the video itself isnt outright disrespectful at all but GOD does it rub me so wrong.

like im also not fond of the sound and feel of enby, and people can totally like or dislike it and no one should force it on anyone else for sure! But the only reason it sounds "infantile" is because of the whole "kiki vs boba" concept where certain sounds, along with conventions in the english language like short syllables and stuff being associated with endearments and softer concepts and objects- theres nothing else about it that means that. Even if you take it out of verbal and write it "NB" that removes a lot of the softness- which is why when its a problem its always phoneticized. because "NB" isnt the FEELING of the sound youre hearing.

But that thing where people dont want to be infantalized (valid) being combined with people not wanting to be associated with "weird" "cringe" or "childish" things like associating with concepts like animals or fantasy creatures or objects... ends up feeling SUPER misogynistic and ableist to me?

The people who relate to raccoons and gremlins and shit arent doing it to be quirky and childish. Theyre doing it because of a fucking destroyed relationship with being able to identify with other human beings and reclaiming and playing with that alienation and expression. Theyre doing it because anytime you get remotely into the ballpark of an aesthetic claimed by a large enough group of a certain gender, their identity is once again questioned and people start treating them as THAT and not as THEM.

And like. I get that. I'm not huge on it myself but I literally have multiple "sona" characters based on dead cats because of struggling with derealization and depersonalization and depression and my identity and shit like. i really fucking understand wanting nothing to do with being perceived as anything remotely close to your physical self and thus distancing really hard from "normal human".

And then it also kicks into the ballpark of how a lot of neurodivergent people do similar and thats constantly trashed and bullied for being weird and abnormal. And given how theres a HUGE, HUUUGE problem with how people assume everyone whose nonbinary is afab... and specifically even in that video the person was kinda coming from a "why is that SIDE of the nb demographic like this why are the ""transmasc/amab""* types alienated" like, just, makes me flinch into...

is this another young ""women""(not women) cant be interested or do literally anything without being mocked? cause it has some of that flavour! With a little bit if "these """women""" arent nonbinary they just want to be weird and not beholden to the label of women" its just! mm! dont like it. (* also with the nod that is NB and necessarily any desire to be associated with those labels)

But yea. I donnnttt like it. I get where theyre coming from and super agree that if they feel like they cant be welcomed into the community or actively alienated thats an issue for sure! But I also super dont like the feeling of the video that the problem causing that issue is that theres some sort of monolith nonbinary culture that is cringey and should be minimized or downgraded in any way. From my understanding the joy of being nonbinary is that its usually an intentional departure from being able to be defined by your expression in the world and activities and roles and that you literally can not typify what it means to be nonbinary and thus anything goes.

So to me that person just... needs to find theyre bubble and fortify their comfort and security in what their identity means to them and find people who reinforce that euphoria for them. Cause like. As a nonbinary person who barely does fuck all irl to """seem nonbinary""".... can confirm we exist. No one defines nonbinary. People who try are usually trying simply to other themselves from it, because you cant other yourself or someone else until you have a definition. And othering isnt necessarily bad, but do it with love and intention. Your other is not meant to be your enemy.

[araisbored]

Obelisk

That’s the only quirky title I could come up to make this a little bit more interesting.

I’m reviewing my favorite book again. More like making another post about it. Because I seem like the type of person to not shut up about something she truly, truly, deeply love. Though, I won’t really making a review. Because I am in no state to make one of those. I don’t know I just I’m not that qualified to that yet. Though I read millions of books, I still won’t. I re-read my last “review” and it just make me cringe because I can’t understand what I’m saying and there’s a bunch of errors on my sentence. Not that this whole post won’t containing grammar errors, but still. Also, the cringing intensifies when I saw that Jennifer Niven (the author of this book) liked my bizarrely wrong blog entry. Ms. Niven, if by any chance, reading this again, I love your work and I’m sorry for a lot of grammatical errors. Ms. Niven, your work changed my life and help me get through a rough time. Sounds cliché but its the truth. 

To repeat what I typed, I won’t make a review. Yet, I’ll post a very private diary log which where I somehow discuss my opinions about this book. So here it is. 

Trigger warning: Suicide topics, cutting and mental issues might come up on the next following paragraph. And it’s really graphic. Because it is a personal log on my digital diary. Beware. 

May 17, 2019: Theodore’s death, Avengers: End game and GoT discussion.

I never had a proper review of this book. Because lets be real here. Its me and probably won’t matter. Last time or more like last last year, I made a book recommendation/favourites about this book. And I emphasize on that blog post that it’s not a book review. NOT A BOOK REVIEW. At all.

Because:

I am scared of the internet scrutinizing my opinions and views about this book.

It’s about mental health or part of it. So it is really a sensitive topic and I even haven’t figured myself out. So I’m not really sure if  I’m the right person you want to have an opinion regarding with this topic. One thing about me is that you don’t go asking me questions on how you figured your life or how you deal with depression because, oh boy oh boy you’re in a wrong place honey.

Last night I searched Theodore Finch on twitter. Yes, twitter. Because that is where you get the real opinions. Real tea. As well as the stupid ones. And I read one thread or whatever you call it, some sort of a conversation or replies from one girl to another. (I just assumed you’re girl and I’m sorry if you’re not. I am really sorry for misgendering you.) The other girl said that she’s kind of annoyed how everyone around Theodore doesn’t get the signs when it’s literally on their faces. When you come to think of it. Its true. All the signs of Theodore’s disease was there. Bluntly on their faces. It’s kind of fascinating how it’s not noticed by his family and friends or even Violet. But again right now thinking about it, maybe because it happened when this world just slowly noticing or paying attention about mental health. Hold a second, let me search when it was published. Yeah, I'm right its 2015. A year of coming of age for the late Baby Boomers are introduced to depression and when people, mostly teenagers are committing suicide. I would be very harsh on my words because it was just me talking to myself anyways. So yeah, that's also the year where I'm cutting myself and wanted to kill myself. So no wonder Finch’s family have no idea about his mishaps and adventures. So about that discussion, it was already solved. That year was just the year where naïve people are introduced to mental health and issues. Anyways, back to that conversation. The other girl defended the book/author. That the author, Jenifer Niven, was just portraying real life happenings. That these things happens in real life. People really die because of mental health issues. By the way, Finch mental diagnosis wasn’t really mentioned on the book directly. As far as I can remember. That’s why I'm re-reading it again now. But so far zero mentioned of diagnosis or bipolarity(Is that even a word? idc.). Just the mention of him wanting to kill himself, the erotic changes in his moods, lack of appetite and being insomniac. He doesn’t sleep one night or he sleeps then have very bad nightmares after that. It’s pretty obvious but again, let’s refer to the points given above. Oh, oh! Then there’s one time he repainted his bedroom from blood red to blue. If that’s not alarming enough then idk anymore. But yes, 2015. The coming of age and the year where we birthed more stupid late boomers. But, yes. Wild book. A very wild and very BRILLIANT book. It’s the stupid characters or the people in Finch’s life that suck. Which is why I kind of sided to the girl who said that that the author doesn’t really write the characters well. Let’s call her Girl A. And the other girl who defend Niven, Girl B. I’m pretty sure you’re both girls but just in case, I’m gonna apologize again if I'm  misgendering you. Or if you don’t wanna be called a girl. I can’t say or disclose that Girl B was wrong because he clearly have a point too. It happens in real life. People die from depression and I might be one soon.

Just wanna say that It’s a good discourse. Arguments like that are my favorites where both sides are not wrong nor right either, makes you really think. A read. Both the book and that twitter discourse. If you happened to read it, good. But if not sorry I can’t link it for you. 

So for my opinion (oh no, here we go) I agree on both of them , as if its not yet obvious. I guess if it was written in the present days the author could’ve change the characters and made Finch alive. Or checked-in in a mental institution or he’ll be given a medical assistance he really needs. Because the only medical attention he was given was thru his Guidance councilor, Embryo. Which is a good thing, but also I think Finch’s situation needs more professional attention. No offence to all guidance councilors out there. I know you guys try your best. But you know, Niven can make Finch visit a psychiatrist in a clinic/mental institution right? Like violet. I know Finch’s financial state is bad but.. idk there’s something can be done here. But again it was during that time where people are shouting “Depression isn’t real”, stupid people posting tweets and Facebook status on how “Suicide is for the week”; they watch 13 reasons why and decided to skip the whole point of the show and just assumed that “yeah depression is for the weaklings”. It only shows how ignorant people are. They’re the kind of people who standby when you get punch on the face or laugh when people spreads rumors and lies about you. Basically, bystanders. I’m sorry I’m a little snappy. If you haven’t noticed. I don’t know I’m just mad today.

I think the book still holds it. And justify the ending. Though part of me really hate it too. But it kind of made me realized about a lot of things, not just about me but also about how I should interact with other human beings. I hate the ending because it breaks my heart but I guess it was necessary?? Or not. Any how,  It was a good ending. Maybe its just me because I’m a masochist. But I can not think of any other impactful and realistic way on ending it. (Rereading this again and I just need to clear things up. That IM NOT A MURDERER OR A KILLER. I DONT NORMALIZE SUICIDE,  but from a standing point the ending is justified. Its sad but its, again, realistic.) But still, breaks my heart, Theodore is a precious boy. Who deserves nothing but love. And I hope his story was more known by the people so jackasses would know how to treat their family and friends better. 

[This part was cut because I talked about Avengers and GoT ending; Which is very relevant to this topic]

Love,

Ara xx

So yeah, that’s some of my diary entry. Re-reading it makes me realized how funny I am. Jesus I should read more of these. Who knows, I might post it here. If it’s not that personal. I’ll end this here now. I hope wherever you are you’re having a good day.

Ttyl, Ara!

[combat-wombatus]

uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

or

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p 

[aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoldretired]

some p!g-drv3 theories (spoilers obvi)

First of all I think people demonize the pg versions wayyy too much because its a good way to be le sexy in like fanfictions. And i get it, villains are hot or whatever. and also hs is a horny age to be. But even the edgiest and horniest of teens aren’t like. that sexual/monstrous. its kind of insane the portrayals people are placing

maybe this could also be like me being older bc when i was early hs i was like yea its fair to place these super mature portrayals on a 18-22 year old they are like adults but young and now im that age and im like woah there pardner. might be an age/maturity thing. 

also like its normal for people to relate to and portray characters their same age in a similar fashion, but when adults write more sexual content about the dg kids i get hella fucking sus

idk where i was going with that first comment i guess its like a preface and in the end i think its important when characters especially teenage characters are morally grey not because they’re mature and dark/brooding but because they are still young and learning. fuck im older than like most of them, but im still young and learning. its good to be in turmoil and confused, especially the drv3 cast. they are more confused than anything.

which i think is a reason why people would join dr because if you are completely loss and in turmoil, it is appealing to be given a purpose in life and amazing talents/abilities. despite the morals of danganronpa, it is a simple reality to be told who you are and what to do

OK ONTO HEADCANONS (not doing all bc i dont have thoughts about all)

first of all i understand changing stories but i think, deep down, you can’t change fundamental personalities/values. so while the backstories might be different i think, in the end, a baseline is always the same

SHUICHI being a Bad Boy is like canon obviously but i dont think he’s as manipulative as people make him out to be. i think he falls in the more the bully role that like. mae borowski or tf2′s scout filled before they grew up. rough background, bad anger issues, lots of emotional turmoil, and the only way he knows how to deal with shit is by committing crimes and beating the shit out of people. and, similar to those characters, drv3 represents an older, more emotionally sober yet equally confused version of himself. the urges are still there as foreshadowed in the dialogue. i think he struggles with guilt, mostly survivors, but there is still a lasting impact of guilt of what he did in his past, even if he can’t remember.

KOKICHI is a child. a piece of shit motherfucker child but a child. I really do think he’s like one of the youngest people in the cast. he reminds me a lot of when my brother doesn’t take his adhd medicine and takes jokes way too far and does mean and cruel things because he thinks its funny and that its just a fun joke, but is hurting people. he desperately wants approval, which is why his leader role is so interesting because in the dr narrative he has the approval he craves and so he is satisfied. still, he does try to impress characters like rantaro and values his opinions a lot, even developing a brotherly relationship in the time they knew each other. this being said, its established kokichi was bullied before, but i dont think he’s like. the wimp people make him out to be. i think he’s more of like the class clown who desperately uses humor to make people like him, and ends up resorting to be the butt of most of his jokes. you don’t just develop a good sense of humor out of a brainwash, and that’s not something you can program in. i think that was a remnant of before, and he’s so good at bullying people and coming up with roasts - i just think that in p!g the roasts were about him.

KAEDE is baby but her p!g personality seriously reminds me of any ~quirky/edgy~ girl in a teen coming of age story who tries to be edgy and cool and act like she doesn’t care but deep down, she really does. if she didn’t have an empathetic personality, she wouldn’t want to end the game. i also think she has that self-identifying QuIrKy personality because its like she lives in her own narrative, practically announcing this story is about her and she is the protagonist. i know i used to self narrate like that and distinguish how i was different when i was like. 15-16. she has a tumblr. 

I really like the theory where KAITO is a make-a-wish kid who was better when he was younger but relapses later in teens. he never used his wish before, so he decides to use it now to be on danganronpa and become the hero he always wanted to be. i also think he might have joined as a way to raise awareness about adolescent healthcare. definitely the type who puts on a “heroic” character to make everyone else feel better about the fact he is literally dying of a terminal illness, and keeps that act up till the end. 

i think KOREKIYO is still a serial killer. i think honestly a reason why he mightve auditioned for danganronpa is because he is a serial killer. maybe his sister found out and he felt so much shame that’s why he auditioned. he probably mentioned why in his interview because duh, tell them im a serial killer and then only reason im coming clean is my sister found out and im ashamed, that is like a guarantee to get on the show.  i LOVE the theory that his sister is still alive, however, and has to watch her brother go insane because they wrote her into the story as the villain. because technically, she brought on this guilt, and is the reason why he auditioned - as a way to cause despair, twist it around so she’s the one to blame for his insanity. also, because its pretty accepted DR members become celebrities, kork’s sister is totally bombarded with paparazzi and is demonized in the media. she might end up writing a tell-all memoir about kork’s actual childhood and personality. quiet kid, thoughtful, interested in anthropology, she never thought he’d hurt a fly. watching her brother go insane probably destroyed her. 

I also think, timeline wise, kork is probably one of the oldest members along with rantaro. tbh i think kork actually graduated hs and went on a gap year doing the whole “hitchhike around the world to discover myself thing” which is where he began killing people. he was getting ready to go to college when his sister found out about what he did. this is when he decided to go on danganronpa instead of university. this would help explain why he knows so much about other cultures/travel/been so many places with so many memories/killed/is knowledgable on a level most other students are not. this would place him at like, 20-21, where everyone else is like 15-18.

ok so there’s two p!g RANTARO, p!g before 53 and p!p!g before 52. i’d like to establish now i think rantaro is the oldest of the characters, seeing as though he was already pretty old to begin with in 52, it takes time between television seasons, and he was in another game. so im placing him like 21-23, similar to yasuhiro in d1 being so much older than everyone else. i do think, in all iterations, rantaro was pretty much raising his sisters, though i don’t think he had twelve like the story (i think that’s an exaggeration, his sisters mean a lot to him, lets make him have a TON and then lose them all and feel GUILTY) rantaro joined the first game, partially to get money for his family and hopefully establish them as celebrities and let them have a comfy lifestyle, even if he doesn’t live...and also to finally ahve some sort of experience without his siblings tagging along. if he’s been raising his sisters all his life, he’s never had like something that’s JUST his. that’s his adventure. 52 is his ULTIMATE adventure. ahaha. mostly for money, kind of dreading it, still a tiny bit excited

ok p!g rantaro between 52 and 53 probably came back broken. he did the signings and appearances, but mostly wanted to spend time with his family and make sure they were set up. i think he knew the whole like few months between seasons he had to go on another show, but he did’t tell his sisters. his family found out when they saw a billboard with his face plastered on it hyping up the return of a fan favorite. yikes!

ok i get it a lot of people hate HIMIKO but i think she’s not nearly as similar as other “useless” characters in other games. its like, pretty clear she’s depressed, and the only thing she’s holding onto with dear life is magic. lack of hygiene, lack of personal care, constantly tired, social interaction exhausts - she has depression, but she’s not an UWU depressed character. so people find her depressive traits (which are some of the most realistic portrayals of mental health in the series) SUPER annoygin. she joined dr because she was completely lost and needed some sort of direction in her life, even if she’ll die for it. the thing is, even with direction, her mental state didn’t change because she wasn’t getting legitimate help. it’s like that one SNL skit that’s like. same sad you from before but in a new place. i also think she knows the magic is not real, because how could she not. i think she’s so adamant that it IS real, less as a way to convince others, and more of a way to convince herself. it’s like really super cruel that team danganronpa took a girl who is desperate for meaning and gave her literally a meaningless, fake talent.

i also kin himiko and find her a comfort character because i feel seen by her, replacing her useless talent of magic with mine of like shitty film making and comedy. i am seen.

related i don’t think she’s nearly as ugly as everyone says she is, i think she’s probably just depressed and takes absolutely no care of her hygiene and sleep and looks like sick and greasy all the time. same queen.

honest to god i think RYOMA’s backstory, tennis and all, is like 100% real and he’s the only one who keeps all of his memories except for the fact this is a tv show. i think he rolled up, a hot fucking mess, and the danganronpa team were like damn. we cannot improve upon this. 

[bxstiae]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; mun & muse - meme.

tagged by: i took it from @wildshero tagging: anybody who wants to i guess.... um... @lupihero / @hyaciiintho / @origcmibird / @dansiere / @drakslay / @fellcarnate / @gerudofury / @aerialarcher​ / there i added people. 

fill out & repost ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multi-muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au ( dependent on verse ) / canon-divergent / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. ( it honestly depends who you ask, and when in the story it is. )

How strictly do you follow canon?  — I follow enough canon to not change the plot, but its very VERY lore heavy. and it diverges post game as well. Not to mention there are some discrepancies with my Link as well. namely his eye colour. his personality is BIT more jaded than canon. but then again, he is a character that is ( in theory ) YOU. so its how YOU play the game. 

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  — i mean. idk im not really a sellout in general....?? he’s... extremely interesting in the fact that you have a tired man(tm) who’s just about done with the world at such a young age. he’s the hero of hyrule, and has done many feats. he has interesting stories to tell. and he’s not at all a boring person. he’s a bit quirky, has a fan-base, and overall, who WOULDN’T want to interact with link? i mean its LINK. after all... not to mention that he’s not really PREDICTABLE for the most part. I mean he is kind of but also not at all. I just??? i think a lot of people find him interesting? he’s also very attentive at times. you literally have to throw a rock and he will look your direction. 

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  — he is a selective mute. he WILL not talk. he will not approach you. you HAVE to approach him.... while he tends to be ‘OP’ he really isn’t. he’s still very much a human, and will react as such. its very hard to approach cause he has that ‘intimidating feel’ and lets not forget that he really does straight up ignore people if hey dont say anything to him. in that aspect it’s hard to interact with him. because its not like he ‘tunnel visions’ but he just wont pay attention to you if there is nothing to pay attention to. 

What inspired you to rp your muse?  — he’s been a muse for me since 2012. just always put on the backburner for a reason. but really? link was the ONE character that I could relate to. he was my go to guy. really. in high school, i struggled with friends and a lot of other things. but i pushed through. and honestly. link was ALWAYS a character that i turned to for that. it happened with Skyward Sword as well. when BOTW came out it was the same way. BOTW was my go to game in college because of link. so when i finally gt the wiiu version and started playing TP again, i was like. YEP im making him again. cause yes. the themes in TP are all themes that are right up my alley too. so of course i am going to find inspiration there. I ALSO found inspiration when i found some celtic music as well. I listen to msic when i write my replies. and when i was writing a reply on another blog. i found some celtic music and i just had THAT MOOD. 

What keeps your inspiration going? — the game. celtic music. honestly art. vines. anythign that reminds me of TP Link keeps me going. some of the interactions i have keep me going. the PLOTS i have keep me going.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO. 

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. ( lol yea. )

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. ( i mean i love to write drabbles tbh. I don’t think i have on link, but I would always LOVE to. though if you look at some of my asks, they can be considered drabbles. lololol i love to write. )

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO ( link is the ONE muse i never EVER lose confidence in. which is why he is such a strong character for me. link is me. straight up. and i think somebody asked me that too. he’s NOT a self insert but. i can relate SO much to him in so many ways. but i love the way i portray him cause he is very unique. i just hope that my confidence doesn’t SCARE duplicates and other people cause i would never want people to be intimidated by THIS fact that i am confident. )

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. ( lol yea. honestly i love to write. though my style always changed and sometimes i worry about that. cause sometimes i have prose and sometimes i dont. but im an adaptable writer which i always loved about myself. )

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. ( yea. both. i am both. im sensitive ooc but want to say shit about my portrayal. i don’t really care. say shit about me, and then i get upset and sad. )

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  — depends n the criticism. I say this all the time. theres constructive criticism. and then theres. just plain hate. I accept anything thats constructive. I want to know what i need to work on or what people would want to see. link is an ever-changing muse. i learn and grow and i will take anything thats told to me nicely without the hate.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  — PLEASE. jsut send them my way i LOVE all the questions and character development. you dont even have to be a mutual for that.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  — yes and no. i mean its my HC. you are allowed to disagree with my HC. hoenstly. thats the beauty of INTERPRETATIONS. i dont expect every TP link out there to agree with all of my HCs. so long as we can all be mature adults about it and talk normally with one another. we gucci. like we are allowed to have different HCs. and honestly. I would want to know because i would want to know what YOU think about the ‘canon.’ cause it’s different. i like those differences.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  — idk why they would? its link? its the protag. and in a way its supposed to be different for each person anyway??? its like taking Robin or Corrin from FE. like people are allwoed to disagree with the portrayal i GUESS? but i don’t understand why anybody would like stragiht up HATE the portrayal. its just different? idk. 

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  — see above tbh. but honestly. depends. do you hate him for the portrayal. or do you hate him cause of his character personality. like you’re allowed to interact with ‘bad’ characters. not that i think anybody would HATE link? but you know i could be wrong??? idk how to answer this cause what do you mean by hate? you can hate a character. but still interact with them??? idk how to compute this question???

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  — yes and no. honestly. i know i make mistakes. but i don’t want grammar nazi’s. i write to relax. the only time i would want people to tell me is if they were trying to figure out what i meant. does that make sense. like if they are confused on something. then its okay to tell me. otherwise if its something that is just a small mistake that you can ignore. then its no big deal. its also how you approach me too. like approach with caution. i am a delicate flower. so don’t attack me for making a mistake.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  i am VERY VERY easygoing!!! I want to say im VERY kind. i am very accepting and EXTREMELY FORGIVING. no joke. I want to be the kindest person out there. I dont want people to be intimidated by me. I don’t want people to be scared of hurt by me. hoenstly. I am a very nice person. I may have different opinions but i am VERY respectful to everybody even those i do not agree with. Nobody should ever feel weird about me like ever okay? please don’t. I never want bad blood. so if something ever happens between us. you are always ALWAYS more than welcome to come talk to me when emotions have fizzled out. I am very apologetic too. so like?? idk??? who would???? consider me??? and asshole??? im tired. and i shut my door fast but its mainly cause... i am tired. nothing else has to do with it. i am very excitable and happy for people who talk to me. i consider ANYBODY who talks to me a friend. im jsut??? no really. i know people are shy. but im over her a big tired ball of fluff. i only want love and happiness for people. anybody who’s talked to me can testify to this. ♥♥

that’s about it, congrats for filling out!

[gh0st-patr0l]

Okay I’m sorry but I GOTTA go off

I’m so sick of yall acting like Luther is just a crybaby who never went through anything bad because you know! Actually! He was in that fuckin house too! He suffered trauma as well! But yall are tryin REAL HARD to make it seem like he didn’t go through shit just cause you don’t like him. It’s ridiculous.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be the first to say he pulled some dumbass shit. I was SO pissed at the Vanya situation and nothing he’s been through excuses that. But everyone saying that he had no right to be emotionally unstable or feel bad about his trauma is straight up trauma erasure. Like yall LOVE to talk about how much you need to take emotional trauma into consideration when talking about a character- y’know, until you don’t like that character, then it’s fine to invalidate everything they’ve been through and treat them like garbage. Then it’s fine. What a bunch of bullshit.

I want yall to actually think about what he went through at All. He was manipulated by his father since birth to think he was some important hero. He was told his entire childhood that he NEEDED to do what his dad said because he was saving people!! He was helping!!! He was being the good guy!!! To the point where even when all his siblings jumped ship, he still stayed, because he had to, he had to keep helping and saving people because what else was there for him? Allison had a celebrity lifestyle, Diego wanted to be in the police force, Klaus didn’t actually care about having direction in the first place, Vanya had violin and writing. Luther’s only purpose was ever the leader, the hero, and that was all he had. Even after Hargreeves almost got him killed and turned him into what he perceived as a monster, he was still loyal because Hargreeves had manipulated him to that extent. And then Hargreeves sent him to the moon for four fucking years. I know yall like to joke like “Oh I would have loved to be on the moon by myself for a few years lmao!!! Antisocial mood haha!!!” but like actually think about it. Alone, on a barren wasteland, with nothing to eat except fucking soy paste or whatever, and no communication with anyone. Can you imagine how fucking brutal that would get? Jokes aside people are social creatures, no matter how antisocial you are, and four years of solitude would be incredibly stressful on the mind. And then to come back and find out that you spent four years of your life, in complete isolation, for nothing? That the one person you trusted the most out of anyone lied to you and did that to you on purpose? It’d be fucking devastating! So, yeah, despite what a lot of this fandom seems to think, I think Luther had a bit of a right to be upset. Just a bit.

And the thing is, yall were so quick to excuse Vanya straight up trying to slaughter MILLIONS because of her abuse. Like that’s FINE she’s still GREAT but Luther did something bad to one person because he was left emotionally unstable due to a sudden flooding of psychological consequences from decades of trauma? Ew. Unexcusable. Disgusting.

I don’t think yall realize just how easy it is to warp someone’s experiences like that. For example: Luther was abandoned by everyone he loved and spent four years on the moon in complete isolation while unaware that his father, the person he trusted most, put him up there for literally no reason. And Klaus was locked in a mausoleum for a little bit and got hooked on drugs,,, yeah

That sound like bullshit right? Because it is!!! And it still is when you reverse it. Turns out, kiddos, that with the right wording you can make anything sound inconsequential for the sake of your own half-assed argument! Wild. The truth is, Luther’s trauma was just as valid as everyone else's. He just reacted to it in a way that wasn’t as Quirky and Relatable and Easy To Swallow as Klaus or Vanya or Five. The minute you can’t pretend someone is an “UwU innocent soft babey who’s never done anything wrong” you decide that they’re a horrible irredeemable piece of shit so you don’t have to think critically about their motivations. Instead of admitting you hate the character for some petty reason you pretend that he never went through ANYTHING because then you can still act like you care so much about abuse and trauma. Stop being so self-righteous and either reevaluate your thinking or admit you don’t like Luther for whatever petty reason would actually motivate that stance, instead of acting like you’re so superior for not liking him.

TLDR:

[deobis]

i'm not trying to clown you or anything, but i'm just genuinely curious as to why you bias sunwoo now? like what do you love about him and all? if i'm not mistaken, you used to be hyunjoon-biased correct?

hello! god bless this ask :’) i was waiting for someone to allow me to be absolutely gr0ss and gushy about my sunshine : (

and yes! you are correct :’) i used to be very hyunjoon biased! but if i were to make a comparison,,, hyunjoon was really just a crush but sunoo is the one i really fell for. anyways gush under cut cuz i doubt anyone cares

so if i have to be honest, i “fall in love at first sight” w groups. usually the person i notice first becomes my bias. theres always one defining feature i usually fall in love with. so usually i tend to bias dancers (ex. ten, taemin, chaeyeon, wooyoung, san, etc etc) but with tbz i had exposure to them since boy and had been following their music since debut, but not the group. 

Not until no air dropped did i really begin to fall in love w them. I had a lot of trouble picking a bias w tbz, which is very rare for me but i also think its because i had a ton of exposure to them before. in the boy mv i think the ones that stood out to me were sunwoo hyunjoon and jacob. In giddy up i considered joining the fandom (bc legendary song omg) and the ones that stood out in that mv were sunwoo chanhee and changmin. unluckily for me, i didnt end up getting into the fandom until no air dropped and i spent over a week picking a bias between hyunjoon, sunwoo, changmin, and kevin (as u can see its not that surprising i fell for sunwoo lol,,, it was just a matter of time) anyways, it was a long week but hyunjoons smile really just,,,,,, sold me

like cmon are you kidding me look at that he has the prettiest smile on earth and i still stand by that opinion. and after really investing myself in tbz, i found myself loving his unique dance style. the way he presents himself is so genuine and different from what i usually prefer in dancers. My favorite dancer is by far Ten and my brain auto compares dancers to him but with hyunjoon,,, the style was just so different that it was impossible to compare the two. So yeah I still love hyunjoon a lot! its just,,,, i love sunoo more

tbh i have no idea when i started falling so hard for kim sunwoo. it really just came gradually,,, and thats super strange for my “love at first sight” aries venus :’) though i dont remember exactly what moment made me start swerving, i know his lyrics and rap style played a big part in me becoming the biggest sunoonator on this earth. His first verse in 4EVER is by far the best thing i have ever heard (and in an interview he also said those lines were some of his favorite lyrics hes written!!!

another thing that really swayed me was the bday prank. that clip made me pay so much more attention to him when before i was one track minded on hyunjoon. but seeing him just break down when he realized those he loved weren’t actually fighting showed me how genuine he was. by paying more attention to him, i really just,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, swooned for that dorky smile of his (example below bc i want to c’:)

and his overall quirkiness.

something ive also been loving and noticing recently is his absolute hatred for skinny jeans LOL and same. I literally wear joggers every single day bc i cant be bothered. Sunwoos fashion looks so comfortable and he pulls it off so well! its something i can appreciate and love

and the final thing. this is probably the biggest reason i absolutely love love love him! its the way he interacts and treats his fans. idk if you follow the fancafe but sunwoo updates the most out of all of the members. He basically writes in the fancafe every single day, even if its as simple as “deobis what are you doing?” and no matter what, hes always talking about deobis in his updates and almost always reminds us that he loves us! theres one fancafe letter he wrote that i have bookmarked and saved and its the one where he literally starts off by saying that hes awake at 5:20 am (iirc this was after TFMAs where they won the next leader award) bc he cant sleep and he just pours out his late night (or in this case early morning lol) thoughts and its just him talking about his career and how he is so honored to be able to perform on the same stage as his seniors. he also talks about how he is so grateful to deobis and begins explaining his thoughts about the relationship between artists and their fans and how beautiful he finds this relationship. and he continues to describe what kind of singer he wants to be: a loveable singer who can cheer others up. he said that deobis are the ones who helped him become the person he is today and how he always will be sincere to deobis that cheer for him :’(( this is a super dumbed down ver of his letter bc my korean isnt extremely good but he basically ends by saying he’ll continue to improve for deobis and that he really loves us :( this letter was then posted around an hour later at around 6 am :( so he basically spent an hour writing a letter to deobis at the crack of dawn just bc he wanted to tell us his thoughts,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i rly,,,,,,,, im so sad hes the sweetest :( 

oh also special creds to @jushaknyeon (especially this hakkjae clown), @noairmv, and @hwqll for clowning me so hard into finally biasing him love u guys sm lol

this is probably way way way more than what you were expecting but i really needed to let it all out :’) i love him to the end of the universe and back! and im pretty sure this time hes just going to be stuck with me :’) (his loss lmao)

if you read all the way down to here im so sorry for wasting your time LOLOLOL here is a sunoo gif as an apology

[askthetotallynotlosersclub]

write streddie being soft uwu

Stan: *is doing a puzzle like a quirky kid*

Richie: *is trying to help at said puzzle but failing*

Eddie: Richie you just took my piece!!

Richie: Well it was in the wrong spot!!

Stan: *doesnt pay attention bc P U Z Z L E Y U M Y U M*

Eddie: what do you mean?! It fit into the other ones!!!

Richie: No it didn’t!!

Stan: *almost finishes puzzle yum yum*

Eddie: DEAR LORD- IM SORRY STANLEY BUT THIS IDIOT DOESNT KNOW HOW PUZZLES WORK....but it looks very nice to *smiley boye and kisses his forehead*

Richie: *>:(* Edward bullies me

Stan: *finished puzzle :D* Look it’s done!!!

Eddie: awe that looks very nice Stanley!! And Richie you know I love you to death *kiss*

Richie: I feel unloved- let’s watch a movie, boyfriends

Stan: Can we watch a scary one?

Eddie: I swear you two hate me sometimes- *sits on the couch*

Stan: Nooooo *also sits on the couch* *cuddle part 1*

Richie: Eddie is literally a bully *sits next to edward* *leeches to boyfriends part 1 and 2*

Eddie: you guys know I hate scary movies! Last time I peed myself!!

Stan: It wasn’t even a scary movie-

Richie: It was scooby doo

Eddie: *crosses his arms* and?

Stan: You could just not watch the movie with us?

Richie: *puts on the hip movie uhh poltergeist yeah lmao that’s scary*

Eddie: okay peace out! *runs to his room*

Time: kachow

Richie: EDWARD

Stan: Eddieeeeeee

Eddie: *is sleeping in the other room*

Stan: *finds the b0y* *:0* *sits next to eduardo* *Q U I E T*

Richie: *:0 part 2* *plays with edward’s hair oop* *Q U I E T*

Eddie: *wakes up but is v v v tired* oh hi guys *yawn*

Richie: aloha *continues to play with edwards hair*

Stan: *stan* hi

Eddie: *is like half asleep* you know I love you guys

Stan: *uwu* *leeches to the eduardo* yeah we know

Richie: we love you too, dork

Eddie: *hugs the Stan and falls back asleep*

Stan: *sleep oclock*

Richie: *sleep oclock part 2*

Time: kachow

Rain: kapow

Eddie: *wakes up and it's dark out* Stanny?

Stan: *sl33p*

Eddie: hhhhhhh *sits up but cannot bc thy Roach*

Thunder: KACHOW

Rain: YEEHAW

Eddie: *screams bc of thy thunder*

Richie: *literally falls* FUCK

Stan: *awakens* What-??

Eddie: sorry guys- I'm not the best with thunder storms-

Thunder & Lightning: A

Richie: *roach* *hugs edward*

Stan: *hugs edward part 2*

Eddie: you guys are gonna suffocate me *giggly boye*

Richie: good *teehee giggly boye part 2*

Stan: noooo!! *giggly boye part 3*

Eddie: wow thanks Richie *kiss uwu*

Richie: yeahhh i’m tired- *sleep lmao* *also leech tho*

Stan: *pat* it’s really late

Thunder: ahaha H

Eddie: I know...I'll try to sleep

Stan: good! *kiss úwù* i’m going to sleep *sleep oclock*

Thunder: PENIS SAUCE

Eddie: *falls asleep cuddling the Stan*

Morning: peenids

Stan: *sleep sleep sleep*

Richie: *sleep sleep sleep*

Eddie: *is in the kitchen making breakfast* richie! Stanley!! Breakfast!!

Richie: *aWAKENS* F00D *falls into the kitchen ouchies* ouch

Stan: *awakens* *walks like a NORMAL PERSON* i’m tired *stan*

Eddie: *runs over to Richie* are you okay?

Richie: probably *ouchie there’s a bruise on his arm lmao* *s t an d*

Stan: you’re such an idiot

Eddie: yeah but he's our idiot *hugs the Richie from the side*

Richie: *kisses the edward uwu* thank you both for calling me an idiot

Stan: *hugs the b0yfriends* no problem idiot

Eddie: I love you guys so much but GOD DAMMIT THE EGGS ARE BURNT

Richie: you look like a burnt egg

Stan: don’t bURN THE HOUSE DOWN

Eddie: sit down on the couch or something- I'll have to remake breakfast

Stan: Alright *sits on the couch*

Richie: okay my guy *sits on the stan*

Eddie: Richie- you're going to crush Stan

Richie: too BAD

Stan: iM FINE-!

Eddie: I'm still confused about how you two like each other

Richie: *DRAMATIC GASP* Excuse you Stan loves me!

Stan: I do that’s a fact right there

Eddie: I'm so offended

Stan: Dont burn the house down, Eddie

Richie: *l33ch*

Eddie: I won't burn the house down, breakfast is done! Come eat before it gets cold

Richie: *l e a p s off stan and goes to the kitchen 😔👊*

Stan: *stans into the kitchen*

Eddie: *gets his own breakfast and sits on the couch*

Richie: *gets f00d and sits on the coffee table*

Stan: *gets f00d and sits next to edward* Rich, what the hell are you doing

Eddie: richie what the actual hell- *picks him up and puts him on the couch*

Richie: nooooo *goes back on the coffee table*

Stan: right, okay- can we go to the zoo today?? i want to see the bIRDS

Eddie: sure Stan- we can go see the birds

Stan: cool!!

Richie: can we get food there teehee

Eddie: sure Richie! And Stan I cant wait to Christmas so like *gives him a pet bird*

Stan: IT’S SO CHONKY *B I R D*

Richie: thats a sexy bird- where the fuck did you get money, Eds?

Eddie: I've been saving it up!

Richie: nice job, my guy

Stan: *birdbirdbirdbird* *:D*

Eddie: *kisses the Stan*

Stan: *kisses the edward*

Richie: ewww get a room

Eddie: you guys have literally made out on front of me before

Stan: you WATCHED??

Richie: ewwww eddie watches porn

Eddie: what!? No! I was watching tv

Stan: how did you know then?? we were like- in the other room??

Richie: no we weren’t dumbass

Eddie: it seems like every time I kiss one of you and other one makes fun of me!

Richie: calm yourself my guy *kisses the edward owo*

Stan: what he said minus the my guy part *kisses the edward after roach*

Eddie: hhhhhhhhhh *hugs the roach from the side*

Richie: *leeches to the edward* your hair is soft

Stan: include me you dorks *also leeches*

Eddie: watch me fall asleep again-

Stan: you better not because then I’ll fall asleep

Richie: and I’d get time alone and who wants that ew

Eddie: *yawns*

Richie: *kisses the edward’s forehead* wow what a cutie

Stan: I know right?

Eddie: stop it *hides under a blanket*

Stan: noooo come back *s natches edward*

Richie: *:(*

Eddie: *is in the Stans lap now*

Richie: *kisses the stanley and the edward*

Stan: *hugs the b0ys*

Eddie: *kisses the Stan for like 2 minutes*

Stan: *O W O* *y e e h a w*

Richie: gET A ROOOOM

Eddie: STANLEY WHY

Stan: *red intensifies* i don’t know-

Richie: HAHA GAY

Eddie: *v v v v v red boye* i-

Richie: you two are cowards, if i was in stan’s position right now you’d have to go to the doctor from all the bruises

Stan: *GAY PANIC*

Eddie: R-ICHIE)!!-

Richie: I’m just telling the truth

Stan: *red x28338383*

Eddie: *yeehaw to the Stan* I'm sorry-

Stan: *AHHH* *R E D*

Richie: god get a room this is classified as porn

Eddie: oh shush Rich *kiss uwu*

Richie: *Y E E H A W BR O* rekt amirite

Stan: *dYing*

Eddie: Richieeeeeee *hides and hugs him*

Richie: *hugs the stanley and the edward* you two are nerds

Stan: *red flavor*

Eddie: *cuddles up to the Richie* cold

Richie: *plays with eduardo’s hair heehaw*

Stan: *sleeps bc this is too much red is bad*

Eddie: *falls asleep with the Stan*

Richie: *also sleep heehee*

Phone: kachow my guy

Stan: ughhh *awakens to answer the phone*

Eddie: Stanny what's wrong?

Stan: shhhh phone call *answer phone* oh hi *phone talk*

Eddie: okay...*goes back to sleep*

Stan: *phone talk for an hour wtf* ok bye *phone hang up* *lays back down with the b0yfriends*

Eddie: Stanleyyyyyyy *lays on top of him*

Stan: oh- hi- *holds the edward and the roach’s hands bc owo*

Richie: *probably fuckimg— hibernating*

Eddie: *gives him a kiss but he's like v tired*

Stan: I’m tired bbbye *sleep oclock*

Eddie: *falls asleep on the Stan*

Later o’clock: hola

Richie: *awakens to make a grilled chhhheese*

Stan: *sleep?*

Eddie: *still sleep on stan*

Richie: *sits next to the b0ys and eat a good and cool sandwich* *uwu energy*

Stan: *aWAKENS*

Eddipe: *nuzzles the stan in his sleepp*

Stan: *pat pat* what time is it?

Richie: how should i know? we slept all day though, it’s dark again

Eddie: *wakes up but is very sleepy* huh

Richie: *s andwich* look who finally woke up

Stan: *quiet clapping*

Eddie: oh shush *nuzzle uwu*

Richie: *cough cough* gAy *cough cough*

Stan: you’re literally our boyfriend shut up

Eddie: I'll attack you with affection young man *jump on the rouch*

Richie: OH SHIT *falls over ouch* *giggly boye teehee*

Stan: *witnesses*

Eddie: *is on top of the roach behind the couch*

Richie: wow this is pretty gay

Eddie: oh so you don't like me being on top of you?

Richie: no, i’d rather be on top of you *teehee kiss owo*

Eddie: *big blush man*

Richie: *yeehaw x22*

Eddie: Stan helppppppppppp

Bev: *walks in* OH JEEZ

Stan: Hi bev- theyre fucking don’t mind them

Richie: nO WE ARENT

Eddie: *runs and jumps on Bev* HI BEV

Bev: HI EDDIE! IM STEALING YALLS BOYFRIEND

Richie: shit dude don’t do that *stAnds*

Stan: nooooo

Bev: oh- I came over here to ask you guys if you wanted to come to the mall with me! I got my driver's license very early for some reason but yeah!

Stan: Oh sure!!

Richie: bro the fuckimg mALL?

Bev: yes the mall idiot!! Okay who wants to carry this thing *points to eddie*

Richie: I don’t know I think he should walk beside the car, honestly

Stan: hmmm maybe

Eddie: wow yall are so nice

Stan: oh shut up we love you

Richie: accurate

Eddie: *puts on his purse (bev got him it) and runs out the door* GET IN LOSERS WE'RE GOING SHOPPING!!

Bev: I TAUGHT HIM THAT

Richie: what the hell why

Stan: uHHHH

Bev: JUST HURRY UP LETS GO!! YALL BETTER NOT GET NOSEBLEEDS BECAUSE IM WARNING YOU, EDDIE LIKES FOREVER 21

Stan: oh god- *car*

Richie: fucking christ *car*

-at the mall-

Eddie: WHERE ARE WE GOING FIRST

Bev: i dont know- Hooters?

Richie: I’m gay

Stan: I’m also gay

Bev: Yeah okay but they have good wings-

Eddie: oh I have a friend that works here! We can get free wings

Richie: is it your mom? i want to see her working at hooters

Stan: no what the fuck rich

Eddie: Richie-!!

Richie: what i’m just telling the truth

Stan: oh my god

Eddie: *holds Stans hand*

Stan: *:D*

Richie: *insect*

Eddie: *kisses the Stans cheek*

Homophobic couple: we. That's just not right! You boys are way too young

Stan: *>:”0*

Richie: eXCUSE YOU don’t INSULT my BOYFRIENDS *>:(*

Homophobic couple: there's 3 of you?? A couple is only 2 people, a boy and a girl! And that short one already looks like a girl so I guess it's fine

Richie: I will fuckign fight you *>:(*

Stan: no richie calm down *holds back the roach lmao*

Eddie: SHUT THE HELL UP! THIS FANNYPACK IS STYLISH

Richie: iT MAKES YOU LOOK HOT

Stan: Richard calm yourself good lord

Homophobic couple: ugh whatever *pushes the Eddie and walks away*

Eddie: oh well *flips his imaginary long hair*

[doyouevenshipbr0]

gruvia drabble

author’s note: i get inspired by the most insignificant little things and i have no idea where im gonna go w this fic but...... juvia is so BEAUTIFUL omfg n i literally just wanna write a fic ab gray appreciating that. that’s it lmao. enjoy my loves!!!<333

**another note: haha oh ok it turned into something kinda rly different! its fine ig! psa im ab to kinda rant so u can skip this if u want!! if u wanna read this part it might be better to do it after u read the fic???? these arent spoilers its just kinda behind the scenes of ig.. ok so i try to think of gruvia in the most realistic sense possible. i incorporated gray having crushes bc simply, i think its true. i think gray had a crush on erza and lucy. i also think gray didnt fall in love w juvia at first sight lmao. i think it took a lot of time for gray to understand what juvia meant to him. also i find it INFURIATING that gray has never commented on juvias looks lmaooo (to my knowledge). like he said lucy and erza were pretty (at least in the anime) and literally all i want is for gray to acknowledge how fuckin BEAUTIFUL juvia is ongogmgogm. ok ok yes he commented "you're mine" and said "ur body is something i care about" and a whole lot of other romantic things but he has never made a comment solely on juvias looks and ik looks dont matter and im sure its hard for gray to even think ab juvias looks considering all the personality she has but literally all i want is a "ur cute". like thats all i need lmao. my girl needs recognition for being the most beautiful person EVER!! so yeah this fic is me trying to process how gray sees juvia, and even tho he doesnt say it, i can at least tell myself this is his thought process lmaooo. ((he also prolly doesn't say shes cute cus it would be way too embarrassing for him considering he has like actual real feelings for her)) ok ignore me literally typing word vomit lol pls enjoy ilysm. (((this rant is longer than the fucking fic. i cri.))))

*

Gray always had crushes.

It was normal, but Gray never really reflected on it until now.

First, there was Erza. They were just kids. When she first joined the guild, Gray thought she was weird, but he soon found out she was much more than that. She challenged him. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally too. He wanted to figure her out. She had a complexity that he never experienced before, and he was intrigued by it. Soon, the curiosity of the pretty girl with the scarlet hair molded into an admiration. He admired her beauty, her ability, and her heart, and the attraction just fizzled away over time.

Then, there was Lucy. This one was far simpler, and didn't hurt Gray's brain as much to try to comprehend. She was cute. She was quirky. She was a fresh face he saw around the guild. He couldn't deny the instant attraction he felt towards her, and he didn't necessarily try to fight it either. The bond was harmless, and Gray never expected anything to come from it, nor did he try to advance it in any way. She was just Lucy. A friend, a guildmate, and a teammate. While a part of him was inclined to make some sort of move, an even larger part of him didn't feel right about it. That small part that inquired for something more seemed to die out as well, and while he wasn't sure why at first, he was finally starting to realize what it was.

Finally, there's Juvia, who he would hardly ever consider a crush. Honestly, at first, nothing really struck him. She was pretty he supposed, but had an odd look. She had a dull personality. She was nothing special. Just another enemy to take out. That was all until their first fight came to an end. A piece of her did stand out to Gray, and it stuck to him. He wasn't sure why, but it did.

Then, time went on. Juvia's personality completely flourished, and it was like she became a whole new person. While Gray at first saw her mostly as an annoyance, it transformed into something completely foreign to him. He never knew how to place this feeling, and even now he still has trouble comprehending Juvia from time to time. While he wasn't sure how to feel about her, he did always know that she was something special. She was there for him like no one else was. She supported, helped, and loved him more than anyone. He was completely overcome by all of her. He was so overwhelmed by her love, it took him a long time to realize just how much he needed and cherished it. He needed that warmth in his cold, seemingly tragic life. While the people in his past died for him, she lived for him. He only recently realized that in some ways, that was much harder, and it was certainly much more meaningful.

She did have her faults though, as all people do. She was completely neurotic, clingy, emotional, short-tempered, dramatic, and just--well-- a weirdo, but...

he loved her.

He loved her strength, her devotion, her kindness, her optimism towards life, her enthusiasm, her humor (even when she didn't mean to be funny), and well- he just loved everything about her. Even the bits mentioned earlier that seemed not so great. He loved it all.

He had a hard time even calling Juvia a crush, truthfully. The way he felt towards her was far stronger than anything he'd felt for anyone else. Erza and Lucy held a place in his heart at one point, but now, Juvia was the whole thing. She owned every last part of it. It was a feat neither of the former girls possessed, and he didn't think anyone other than Juvia ever could.

And as he sat at a table across from the three women he ever had romantic feelings for in his life: Erza, Lucy, and Juvia, and pondered on these thoughts, he decided not only did Juvia have an amazing soul, she was damn beautiful too.

The strange thing was, Juvia was always pretty. But unlike his former crushes, he never really seemed to take the time to admire Juvia's looks. It was her personality that always stuck out to Gray.

But when he did take the time to sit and just look at her... wow. Erza and Lucy couldn't even hold a candle to her.

It was remarkable, honestly. She was nothing like any girl he had ever seen before. She was totally unique. Her hair was the perfect shade of blue that accompanied her perfect waves, making her mane resemble that of a beautiful ocean that he would absolutely love to get lost in. Her bangs fell perfectly over her hooded eyes that were coated in long lashes, and in them held a deep blue escape that were her eyes. Oh god, her eyes. They could tell you a whole story those damned things. Gray never had to ask her what she was feeling, because her eyes always said it all. Natsu was sitting beside him at the time, and said something that caused Juvia to laugh. Her plump, naturally pouted lips turned into a big beautiful grin in an instant. Gray wasn't sure what Natsu said, but it must've been pretty funny, because she then covered her mouth as she began to laugh even louder, and Gray was wishing she didn't hide behind her petite hands. After the laugh fest was over, she regained her composure and tucked an unruly blue lock behind her ear, and closed her mouth as her lips parted into a content grin, and just that small gesture shamefully drove Gray crazy. She was a masterpiece.

He decided he didn't stop to think about how breathtaking she was so much, because then it would turn into this. It became Gray relishing in every little detail Juvia possessed, and every mannerism she did. He never felt the need to look at a girl like that before, with such interest in detail. The feeling that took over when he really looked at Juvia was far too strong for him to comprehend too often. It was a feeling completely unfamiliar to him until he saw her. While his emotions about her were a lot for him to handle sometimes, he was thankful for it.

He was grateful for every last part of her.

"Gray-sama, are you alright?" She tilted her head ever so slightly, causing the tides of her hair to fall in a new, but beautiful way, and her eyes were filling with harmless concern. She must've finally caught him staring.

"U-uh yeah." He stammered. "I'm good."

"You're sure?" Her eyes began to flood with more worry, and she reached her hand across the table, holding onto his. Her soft, milky skin clashed with his rough feel, but they somehow fit perfectly together. He flinched at first, but instead of throwing a fit for his hatred of PDA, he decided he'd let their hands be. He wanted to take every part of her in right now.

"Yeah." He smirked, and slightly squeezed onto her hand, not caring about Natsu, Lucy, Erza, or anyone seeing them at that moment in time. She was all his. Not only was she his, but she was it. She was really the one.

"I'm just fine."