#'the terrible boredom of pain'

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

mercifully God spared me today from running into any of the people to whom I would have said the following and so I managed to keep it all to myself until now

finishing the rough draft of the dissertation has put me in an introspective frame of mind

nothing I have to say will come as a surprise to you but it probably would have been upsetting to any of the people I would have seen over the course of a normal Monday

I've wanted to die for the last eleven years

I was extremely unhappy in my youth but I kind of understood this to be a more or less temporary state, either because I was going to die in a nuclear war, or the world would end by some other means before I reached adulthood, and I grit my teeth and endured

Sometimes at night as I tried to fall asleep I would imagine what my wife would be like and where she might be and what she might be doing in that very moment (she was just a couple miles down the road though I didn't know at the time) and I have come to realize, or recall, that at that time I was staking a lot on a future romantic partner to solve a lot of my life's problems (life would disabuse me of that notion before I got married), and I think at a deeper level what I had come vaguely to internalize very early in my life was that my emotional well-being was going to have to come from outside my family and I was going to have to escape

I always knew vaguely that I was supposed to find everything that I was looking for in God, but I did not and still do not understand how that sustains a person on a day to day level. Prayer does not replace breathing, so there are at least a few things that we need to sustain us outside prayer. Christians will tell me that other people are essential and that they are a critical means of communicating and receiving the love of God until the moment I am actually in need of love and then they invariably send me away to pray. I suppose being sent away is what it means to experience the love of God.

In my youth I always hoped that I was going to find what I was looking for in the next place, whatever was the next place, a new school, the new church. It never came, I never found it. I found my wife, I dated, I got married, it didn't fill me up but by then I didn't expect a romantic relationship to fill a person up anymore so this didn't seem out of the ordinary to me.

I kept all this up until the spring semester of my senior year in college. At that time I thought, vaguely, I was looking for friendship, or belonging, or something like that. Around April of 2012 I realized what I have been struggling to accept ever since, which is that whatever it is, I am never going to find it in this life, and I am not good enough for it anyway. In fact I am by virtue of the way I have lived my life, and perhaps by my very nature, disqualified from having it. Like Lancelot, so stupefied by his sin that he did not recognize the Grail when it passed before him, I would not even know it if I did find it. The problem was and remains within me.

I wanted to die.

One night during the senior week or whatever the college did a little booze cruise thing and I remember thinking that maybe I would just throw myself into the river, but the most serious thing that happened was that June, there was a .45 beside the bed, and one night, in that kind of reverie between wakefulness and sleep, I experienced what I can only describe as the temptation to shoot myself in the head. By which I mean that the sensation was precisely what you feel when you are looking at a dessert you know you shouldn't eat, or you are thinking of saying something you know you shouldn't say. I roused myself and the feeling passed.

I know that I have a reputation of just existing in a mire of depressive self-pity and never doing anything to make it better -- because of course if I did anything to make it better, it would get better -- but here are some of the things that I did in the last eleven years that I had hoped would make it better:

I invested in my relationships with my coworkers. I volunteered to play bass and guitar at my church to get involved. My wife and I moved to Japan for a little while. I drew a comic book. I volunteered at my new church. We had two children. I started seeing a therapist. I started running. I started WWII re-enacting. I went to graduate school. I worked full time while going to school full time. I volunteered to play music at my new church. I went to small groups in my church. I started seeing a new therapist. I started taking antidepressants. I got my Master's degree. I started running the music at my church. I moved. I bought a house. I started a PhD program. I tried to open myself up to people. I started seeing a new therapist. I got a second Master's degree. I went skydiving. I tried to open up even more, to new people. I lived in London for a semester. I traveled. I started teaching. I volunteered to play music at my new church. I finished a rough draft of my dissertation.

It never got better, and I do not think it ever will. I am very nearly out of ideas.

I think, to think that you want something, and to chase after it hoping that it will make you happy, is like drinking salt water. It can be a possession, it can be an experience, it can be a state of mind, it can be a person. It can be love. Wanting to feel loved--wanting to feel love as something other than punishment--can be an idol.

The more things I try to make it better, even good things, the worse I think it gets.

Anyone who seeks to save his life will lose it.

I have been clawing myself out of that hole for eleven years and enduring ridicule for all my failure not to be unhappy the entire time. I can't believe how angry people are with me for being unhappy. It infuriates them.

But, you know, it goes on, and I am reminded of the passage towards the end of Anna Karenina

And Levin, a happy father and husband, in perfect health, was several times so near suicide that he hid the cord that he might not be tempted to hang himself, and was afraid to go out with his gun for fear of shooting himself. But Levin did not shoot himself, and did not hang himself; he went on living.

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

I love how Izzy's arc last season was "What is this romcom bullshit I want to get back to gritty pirate stories" and his arc this season seems to be "I changed my mind, the gritty pirate story sucks."

[bonefall]

Poor Bramble. =( will Fire still do things with him in Starclan? I know Goldenflower will.

It's... tense.

Goldenflower loves him. She even died for him, she gets to live long enough to see the Great Battle and protect her son one last time. But... being alone in heaven with only your mother is embarassing.

Swiftpaw, his older brother, likes to hang out with him sometimes. Brambleclaw likes him and his friends, they're very detached from the people who knew him in life. Most cats who die as kits and apprentices take on a warrior name and do more "celestial missions" than warriors who were adults when they died.

Bramble finds himself doing a lot of that.

But Firestar is usually hanging out with his family... the family that Brambleclaw screwed and hurt over and over. Their paths rarely cross these days, and when they do, his mentor's disappointed gaze burns like flames.

It's lonely. Not hell, but lonely.

[darkestrellar]

Svern is capable of both inflicting harm and of killing without any remorse; by default, he doesn't experience guilt or other emotional reactions that many would in those situations, good or bad. He also does not enjoy inflicting harm, generally speaking. As much as he likes to push and pull others emotionally, watching someone in physical pain doesn't tend to bring him joy. It's almost unremarkable to him. So he doesn't cause physical harm just for the sake of it.

[honeyroastedpeanus]

people who are fully capable of both incredible good and incredible evil when someone who has done good does evil: Surely he wouldnt do this. he did a good thing just the other day.

[mahgyu]

Shiu smut + N$FW audio

• minors do not interact!

──── In Shiu's eyes, you were a goddess. And if your neglectful boyfriend, Toji, didn't treat you as such, Shiu would gladly fulfill that role.

Your moans echoed throughout the room as Shiu's tongue roamed your vulva. One of the man's hands firmly gripping your exposed breasts while your eyes rolled back feeling Shiu simulate a thrust with their tongue at your tight entrance.

Your fingers gripped the black strands of his nape as the male hands descended now to grasp your quivering thighs. Fingers sinking into your sensitive skin, Shiu's agile tongue snapped loudly as it explored every inch of your needy intimacy.

"Ugh... Shiu~" You called out in a plea, lifting your partially naked torso to look at him. The dark deeply hypnotic eyes granted you attention, that sensual gaze making you wet within seconds. "Toji will be back soon, y-you have to go..." You cautioned, practically struggling to resist Shiu's intoxicating touch.

In response, Shiu held you even tighter between his hands, inching his face away from your needy area. "Don't talk about your little boyfriend while I eat your pussy, doll." Kong's pink moist lips formed a smirk before he returned his attention to your intimacy.

Your relationship with Toji was not on the best way, often feeling like he used you as a toy only for his moments of boredom. Today, for instance, Toji had agreed to spend the whole day with you, but the disappointing reality came to light when you found out through Shiu that he had gone out to gamble again. But despite feeling neglected in your own relationship, you still felt terrible for cheating on Toji with his own friend, even though Shiu gave you the attention that Toji never even bothered to give you.

"We both know he doesn't deserve you, sweetie" Shiu said, dragging his wet lips along the inside of your thighs. "He shows you off like you're an accessory, but doesn't even care to truly take care of you" Shiu's face quickly turned dark and serious, his slightly wet hair covering his forehead. "Toji doesn't know how to appreciate the queen he has by his side, my love." As painful as it was to hear those words, it still felt so good to be appreciated like that by someone.

"But, we're acting wrong... Hmm, shit! " You said, trying to control yourself from fucking your needy pussy against Shiu's face who just laughed mockingly at your protest and moved closer to your pussy again.

"I wonder what his reaction would be if he saw us like this. Would he learn how to treat you properly?" Shiu said, dismissing other thoughts, leaving a chaste kiss on your sensitive and swollen clit. "I'd love to see the look on that jerk's face watching another man devour his girlfriend's needy pussy" He needled, staring at you.

Shiu sucked your clit hard, hungrier, more ravenous, delighting in your tearful moans that escaped straight from your throat. "Let me enjoy your sweet little pussy just a bit longer, doll, I promise it'll be worth it in the end." You felt Shiu's hot tongue slickening you up more as he promptly inserted two fingers into your needy and slippery hole. Your eyes rolled with the intrusion, Shiu's name repeatedly falling from your lips in the form of a moan, causing him to grunt. "Let me take care of you, my goddess."

⠀

⠀

Shiu's version! I'm curious to know what you guys think. 🤭

Any other character suggestions? Tell me.

Your interaction is very important to me, reblogs and comments are always welcome. 🫶🏻💕

[runningfromadream]

This is the great treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain.

Ursula K. Leguin

[yandere-daydreams]

file #4: the body mod fic.

part of the FREAK SHIT MARCH evidence packet.

pairing: yandere!wriothesley x reader (genshin).

length: 3.1k.

warnings: non/con touching + groping, nonconsensual piecing, dubiously consensual tattoos, permanent body modification, intimidation, needles, obsessive behavior, and unbalanced power dynamics.

“Just one?”

The question had been hushed, meek, directed more towards your lap than the man sitting across from you. The warden – Wriothesley, you chided yourself, biting the inside of your cheek and attempting to remember what he’d asked you to call him, Wriothesley – broke into a wry smile, but nodded, leaning back in his armchair. “Just one,” he reassured. “And you’ll taken care of until your release date.”

You didn’t respond, but he must’ve seen the way you paled at the suggestion. “Having second thoughts?”

“No, it’s just—” You grit your teeth. Your eyes flitted up momentarily, but fell back to your legs just as quickly. “I… I’ve never really liked needles, I guess.”

You could see his eyes light up, his grin broadening as he tried to stifle his laughter. You scowled, but couldn’t blame him. He was used to dealing with hardened criminals, the scum of Teyvat, thieves and spies and murderers, and here you were – on the verge of fainting because he asked you to get a tattoo. “I promise, you don’t have anything to worry about.” At least he was trying to sound comforting, even if it was clearly a half-hearted effort. “I’ll make sure you’re in good hands.”

And he had, in a way.

You just wished he would’ve mentioned that those hands would be his own.

Calloused fingertips dug into your bicep as a scarred palm pressed into your skin, keeping one of your arms loosely secured against the mattress of the cot while the other was pinned between the bedframe and his chest (the placement unintentional, or so you hoped). You’d been shaking when he brought out that terrible machine – a vial of dark ink trapped inside of a cage of copper and steel; a single, silver needle protruding out of one end and a leather grip wrapped around the other – but it’d only taken an hour for fear to fade into boredom, another for boredom to drag on into a rotting, discolored sort of exhaustion. For as much as you’d been dreading it, there was more pressure than pain. It was repetitive, if anything – a monotonous pierce, stab, pierce, stab that you could only try your best not to focus on. You could already feel an ache settling below the skin of your shoulder, already knew that you wouldn’t be able to lift your arm for days, but you tried not to—

His needle stabbed into the thin skin over your shoulder blade, and you couldn’t stop yourself – letting out a low hiss as you flinched into the cot’s thin mattress. You expected Wriothesley to laugh, to drag a damp cloth over the affected area and mutter something like ‘bear with me’ or ‘my bad, love, my bad’ like he had a dozen times before, but instead, there was a muffled click as he switched off his awful machine, a dull clatter as he dropped it onto a bedside table already crowded with bottles of disinfectant and the nurse’s bizarre tools. “We’ll stop here. It’ll take another session, but I think you’ve been through enough for one day. For a virgin, especially.”

You were only half-listening; the phantom of his machine still buzzing in your ears. “Are you sure?” You asked, trying to hide how desperate you were not to spend another night in the empty infirmary with a man you barely knew. “It’s not that bad, I can go for another—”

“I’m sure. Sit up, I’ll let you have a look.”

You pursed your lips, but didn’t protest. You could see how Wriothesley had gotten into such an authoritative position. The way he spoke, his constant undertone of stern stability – it was hard to so much as imagine talking back to him, let alone breaking one of the rules that’d been meticulously and painstakingly drilled into you when you’d arrived at the Fortress of Meropide a little under a week ago. Still, you’d been terrified – too scared to so much as speak to another prisoner for the first two days. You weren’t dangerous. You couldn’t hold your own in a fight, or protect yourself if someone else, someone stronger decided they had a problem with you. You could barely even call yourself a criminal, but apparently, the Iudex hadn’t agreed. You’d been on your way to the fortress before he could finish reading out your sentence, and now, you were trapped in the darkest, deepest place in all of Fontaine, alone and so, so painfully vulnerable. If it hadn’t been for Wriothesley, you probably would’ve requested to forgo your imprisonment entirely and be sent straight to the gallows.

A hand on your shoulder, a softened lull to his voice. “You can sit up, can’t you? I’ll have to call Sigewinne, if you’re in that much pain.”

“Right, I— uh, sorry,” You stammered as you shook your head and pushed yourself up, careful to keep the thick, overly starched cot sheet pressed to your chest. The infirmary was empty, the door locked and sealed, and while Wriothesley hadn’t seemed to think much of ordering you to take off your shirt and lay face-down, you couldn’t bring yourself to brush off the stark, damp chill that came with any amount of exposure in the fortress so easily. You guessed that, after enough time, you’d get used to it. You guessed that, when you did, the thought of not being so cold so constantly wouldn’t make you feel so sick. “I…  I think I’m still getting used to this,” you went on, with a strained smile. “Still a little out of it, I guess.”

“That’s alright, love. We all take a few months to find a way to cope.” When you glanced over your shoulder, there was already a mirror in his hand – a compact, small enough to fit in his palm. You had to crane your neck to see it, but Wriothesley knew how to strike the right angle, and soon enough, the sprawling, spiraling pattern stretching from the lower curve of your shoulder blade to the ball of your shoulder came into view. It took you a moment to make out the pattern, but relief accompanied the delayed realization. Lumidouce bells, all blossoming and linked together by a single vine. He’d finished the linework, and there was a smattering of color in the bottom corner – only, oh, he’d gotten the shade wrong. Rather than deep violet, he’d used a light blue, more similar to ice than the water nearly everything in Fontaine stole its palette from. Judging by his expression, though, all beaming pride and low-brewing mirth, he hadn’t caught the mistake. “What do you think? Don’t keep me in suspense, now.”

“It’s… nice,” you said, the sentiment sincere despite your hesitance. And then, laughing, “I was—Well, it feels a little silly now, but I was terrified you’d leave me with, I don’t know, a sea monster or a giant wolf or something.”

“Maybe next time. Not a wolf, though - you don’t strike me as that vicious.” You bit your tongue, forcing yourself not to tell him there wouldn’t be a next time and opting to focus on the soreness starting to knot in your shoulder, instead. You swung your legs over the side of the cot, moving towards where you’d left your shirt draped over an unopened crate, but Wriothesley caught your wrist, tugging you gently back onto the thin mattress. “Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, his playfulness suddenly more irritating than it had been, a few second ago. “I don’t think we’re finished, yet.”

Not for the first time, your smile wavered. “I… I thought we only agreed to one, sir.”

“Of course.” He squeezed your wrist teasingly. “One of each.”

Something heavy and spiked dropped into the pit of your stomach. This time, you couldn’t help the way your expression dropped. “Sir, that’s really not what I—”

“It’ll be worse the longer you put it off.” You weren’t dangerous. You weren’t a criminal. You weren’t strong, but Wriothesley was. Before you could so much as push yourself to your feet, his arm was around your waist and he was perched on the edge of the cot, one leg tucked underneath him to make more room for your body, soon pulled between his thighs. The back of your shoulder screamed where it pressed into his chest, but you managed to swallow the little, pitiful sound threatening to bubble past your lips and clung to your sheet – suddenly so much thinner than it’d seemed, seconds prior. If Wriothesley noticed your apparent panic, the distress of his prisoners was an inconvenience he was willing to endure. Only half-consciously, you tried to shove yourself away from him, but his muscle-bound arm was snaked around your waist before you could gain any distance, keeping you flush against his broad chest. He was so much bigger than you’d realized, when he was on the other side of that desk, when he was engraving something intrusive and permanent into the very fabric of your being. This had been a bad idea. Trusting anyone here had been a bad idea. You should never have—

Your elbow slammed into his diaphragm, and Wriothesley let out a slow grunt, his fingers burrowing into the plush of your side. “Easy now, love,” he half-muttered, half-breathed, bowing his head to speak into the side of your throat. “We had a deal, remember? Can you tell me what it was?”

“You—you said I wouldn’t get hurt if—” You forced yourself to stop, to swallow, to breathe. “But, I only agreed to get one tattoo, and you—”

“I said I’d take care of you. Get you a nice, cushy job with the fortress administrator, keep you out of any over-crowded bunks, make sure the other prisoners don’t cause you any trouble – that kind of thing. I’m really not supposed to play favorites, so even doing that much is going to take more than a little discretion on my part.”

“But, you offered to—”

“I said I’d take care of you, and I’m going to.” You could see him fishing something off of the bedside table with his free hand, but you forced yourself not to look, not to make the ever-growing pit in your stomach feel that much more hollow. “You’ve heard a few stories about what it’s like in the underworld, right? I try to keep all of you nice n’ safe, but a few are bound to fall through the cracks. Rehabilitation can only do so much and—well, I’m sure you know all about how bloodthirsty desperation can make someone.” There was a pause, an ebbing lull to the tenderness in his voice. “I’m just trying to keep you safe, sweetheart. Are you going to help me get a little practice in, while I do that?”

Practice. If he wanted practice, you were sure there were another hundred prisoners who’d willingly lay down and let him carve a hole through whatever he wanted to. Still, you did your best to calm yourself down, to stop thrashing, to shut your eyes and try to ignore the large, pulsing thing you could feel pressing into your ass. You didn’t nod, didn’t give him permission, but when his fist balled around the infirmary sheet and tugged it away from you, the only resistance you managed to scrape up was a slight frown and a wary glance in his direction. “You’re already in for a rough night,” he explained, as if that was any excuse. “Might as well get the hardest one out of the way first, right?”

You refused to let yourself linger on the implication that this wasn’t going to be the last, too.

You clenched your eyes shut as his large hand pawed at the right side of your chest, kneading into the softened flesh with an almost delicate sort of care. “It’s easier after a little stimulation,” he murmured, as if that meant he had to spend so long circling your nipple with a calloused thumb, occasionally swiping over the sensitive bud in a way that made your thighs twitch and your face burn. When your nipple was stiff and pebbled, he pulled away, but it was a momentary reprieve – torn away from you with a splash of freezing disinfectant. It dripped down your chest and filled the stagnant air with a thick, chemical haze as Wriothesley caught your nipple between his thumb and forefinger, pinching tightly. You felt the long, curved tip of his piercing needle against your skin, and braced yourself for the pain. Wriothesley wasn’t kind enough not to drag it out, though. “Wanna count me down?”

You shook your head, pushing yourself that much closer to his chest, desperate for any kind of stability. You’d hoped that Wriothesley would take your clear obstinance as a sign not to drag it out any longer, but he seemed to savor it – the agony of the wait, the way the dread seemed to multiply tenfold every time you forced yourself to suck in a ragged inhale. Seconds seemed to pass like frozen honey, only just beginning to drip. You’d started to think he wouldn’t do it, that he’d just laugh and admit this was all part of some bizarre, invasive hazing ritual when Wriothesley let out an airy chuckle and plunged his needle into you.

Oh, archons.

You really thought the tattoo would’ve been worse.

It was faster, at least; a bright shock of pain followed immediately by a steady, throbbing sort of ache that seemed to drown out every other sensation and fill your mind with a buzzing, numbing static. You didn’t realize your eyes had shot open on reflex until tears blurred your vision, until you glanced down just in time to watch as he dragged the needle through and replaced it with a small, silver stud – a barbell, as wrong as it felt to think of yourself having something so vulgar attached to you. You were crying unabashedly by the time he finished, pain and humiliation dripping down your cheeks in hot, wet streams, but Wriothesley’s shallow pool of sympathy must’ve run dry. “Ah, don’t make that face, sweetheart – we’re only halfway done.” You felt him panting into the crook of your neck as his hand found the other side of your chest. The last threads of his veil of composure frayed and broke apart as he groped unabashedly at your chest, toying with your nipple as your sobs echoed off of the clinic walls. You felt something thick and hot and wet crash against your collarbone and drip down the curve of your chest, and forced yourself to believe it was only disinfectant. That there was nothing it could’ve been except disinfectant.

Wriothesley’s hips rocked against your ass, the rigid outline of his cock pressing into you, incinerating any lingering delusions you might’ve had of helpful prison wardens exchanging one favor for another. Five fingers bit into the plush of your chest as he brought his needle to your unmutilated nipple, his hand surprisingly steady despite the airy, drawling moans he was pouring into your throat. “P-please don’t,” you managed, fighting to speak above the pathetic cries and choking fear doing their best to strangle out your voice. “Please, I can’t—I don’t want to—”

But, Wriothesley wasn’t listening. It wasn’t a spark, this time, but a red-hot knife, stabbed deep into your chest and twisted as far as it could go. You heard Wriothesley let out a rough groan, felt something warm and damp against your ass, and then, you were gone.

~

You startled awake hours later; bolting upright as you heaved in jolting, uneven inhales. Immediately, pain knocked you out of your panicked daze – sharp and piercing, imbedded into the back of your shoulder and either side of your chest, strong enough to remind you to measure out your breathing and calm down before you blindly threw yourself back into a seething pit of violent criminals. It took you a second to realize that you weren’t on an undersized infirmary cot, anymore, and another to piece together where he’d taken you – a bedroom nearly triple the size of your bunk. The warden’s chambers, you figured, as you scanned over the limited decoration and piles of dust-coated paperwork stacked onto every possible surface. Wriothesley’s room.

Wriothesley’s bed, at that. A cold chill ran down your spine as you realized that he’d taken the time to strip you out of your ill-fitting coveralls and redress you in a shirt sizes too big to be one of yours – the bleached, threadbare material a stark contrast to the satin sheets draped over your legs. You started to push them away and move towards the edge of the mattress, but froze as a door on the far side of the room creaked open – Wriothesley slipping inside and letting the door shut behind him. He moved away from it quickly, but as it closed, you could’ve sworn you heard the muffled, deafening click of a lock sliding into place and cutting you off from the rest of the world – or, the rest of the underworld, rather. As if there was anyone out there who would bother to save you, even if they could try.

“There’s my sleeping beauty.” He grinned as he lowered himself on the side of the bed, positioning himself closer to you than he absolutely had to. He reached out, moving to cup your face, but quickly let his hand fall back to his side when you flinched away. His smile dimmed, but didn’t fall away. “Get a chance to see the improvements, yet?”

After a second of hesitation, you shook your head, and he nodded to your chest - the gesture more of an order than a suggestion. Reluctantly, you pinched your collar between two fingers and peeled away from your skin. Through the narrow sliver, you could see his handiwork: a pair of twin rings hanging from either nipple, connected by a thin, lax, silver chain – so light, you could barely feel it brushing your diaphragm as the air caught in your chest.

You dropped the collar before you could give in to the nausea beginning to coil in the pit of your stomach. You couldn’t bear to look at Wriothesley, so you kept your eyes on the sheets, kneading at the fabric half-consciously as you struggled to find your voice. “That wasn’t what we agreed to,” you muttered, mostly under your breath. “Can I go back to my bunk, now?”

His smile took on an almost apologetic note. You tried again. “Am I... Am I going to be able to leave?”

This time, when he reached out, flinching away wasn’t enough to stop him – his hand catching your chin and drawing you that much closer to him. You tried to lurch away, but it was too late, his lips were already crashing into yours, his tongue already slipping past your teeth and raking over your own. While your eyes widened in shock, his went half-lidded, closing just a second too late. Abruptly, it occurred to you that you’d never really noticed the color of his eyes – a pale, faded blue. The color of the half-formed flowers currently stretching across your back.

Wriothesley’s hand slipped to the nape of your neck. You let your eyes fall shut, and did your best not to think at all.

[hayatheauthor]

How To Accurately Describe Pain In Writing 

Pain can be an interesting emotion to write about. It gives authors the liberty to merge their character’s emotions and surroundings to create beautiful metaphors and graphic descriptions that draw their readers in and convey their character’s struggles. However, if done wrongly reading your descriptions of pain can feel like a chore to your readers. Unsure how to accurately describe pain in your writing? Here are some tips to help you get started. 

Use The Five Senses 

As humans, we possess five senses that dictate our reactions to the world around us. When writing, it is important to use these five senses rather than just relying on what your character can see. Talk about the sound, the smell, the taste, and even the feeling. 

If your character just got burnt, talk about the sound of sizzling flesh and the slight numbness they feel. Mention the terrible smell of burnt flesh, and make your character feel dizzy with fear as their eyes finally land on the horrific wound. 

Internal bleeding makes people spit blood and taste iron and partially healed wounds feel itchy and irritant. 

There is so much more to pain than what you see, and simply talking about your character’s wounds isn’t nearly enough to make your readers wince in second-hand pain. In fact, they are more likely to skim your passages in boredom. 

Show your readers what your character is experiencing, and then go on to describe their reaction to this situation. 

Build It Up, Then Break It Down 

Pain doesn’t just suddenly come from nowhere. It starts with something small, blossoms, and then spreads. Your character won’t just suddenly get a third-degree burn the size of a baseball by leaning against a hot steel wall for the briefest of seconds. It starts with a light reddish-brown mark, then darkens, maybe even blisters. 

You can’t go from 0 to 100 in one sentence. You need to build it up and show your readers how your character’s pain was found. Then, break it down. 

Pain doesn’t come from nowhere, but it doesn’t suddenly disappear either. Show us how your character’s wound heals. Does the wound mark from where they hurt their knee turn into an ugly brown shade for a couple of weeks? Do their burns gradually fade from red to pink, or turn darker? 

It’s important to show your readers the aftermath of your character’s pain. A character who just had a bullet pulled out of their shoulder with a hot knife can’t suddenly just jump up and start firing at the enemy with perfect aim. 

You don’t need to overdo it and constantly mention their wounds during the healing stage, but something as simple as ‘her bandages uncomfortably scratched at her back every time she lifted her hand to eat’ or ‘his fingers subconsciously shifted to run over the remains of his burn mark even as his eyes remained trained on the blackboard’ will suffice. 

How Does This Affect Your Character? 

Physical pain aside, wounds can also have an effect on your character’s dynamics with others as well as your plot. 

It’s important to take into account how they got this wound, how the other characters might react to it, and internalised conflict caused by it. Maybe your character injured their fingers during a game of volleyball and now they’re staring at their final exam paper with tears of frustration brimming their waterline because it hurts too much to write.

Maybe your protagonist suffered a small burn while sneaking out to go to their friend’s house and their parent or mentor saw it. Or maybe your protagonist won against the antagonist but suffered a grave injury to their legs and now cannot fight during the next confrontation, resulting in a chaotic outbreak at their headquarters. 

Think about the internal as well as the external damage your character’s wounds can cause, and then use that as a plot device to further your book. 

Do Your Research 

It’s very important to accurately portray your character’s level of pain and consider whether or not they would realistically incur such injuries from such a wound. When writing about a character’s wound or pain consider doing some research about that type of wound. 

Here are some things you need to check when researching the wound type: 

How much blood would they loose with this type of wound? 

What are the side effects? 

Could this be fatal? 

How long will it take to heal? 

How long does it take for a wound to get to that extent? (for example, if you’re writing about a third-degree burn, research what it takes for a burn to be considered third-degree). 

What are the major veins, arteries, and other important body parts in that part of the character’s body? For example, if your character is supposed to be injured on their arm but it’s not supposed to be serious, you need to consider whether the wound could realistically have ruptured their radial artery, resulting in death. 

Will there be any scarring? What about any long-lasting wound marks? 

You could also take a look at historical events similar to the one you’re writing. For example, if you’re writing about an assassination attempt consider researching the most historically renowned assassination techniques. 

It’s also a good idea to ask your families and friends about their experiences with the type of wound you’re writing about (so long as it’s not a sensitive topic). Maybe you have a cousin who suffered a third-degree burn once or a classmate who has a scar from a graphic wound across their arm. 

I hope this blog on how to accurately describe pain in writing will help you in your writing journey. Be sure to comment any tips of your own to help your fellow authors prosper, and follow my blog for new blog updates every Monday and Thursday.  

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 

Are you an author looking for writing tips and tricks to better your manuscript? Or do you want to learn about how to get a literary agent, get published and properly market your book? Consider checking out the rest of Haya’s book blog where I post writing and marketing tools for authors every Monday and Thursday. 

Want to learn more about me and my writing journey? Visit my social media pages under the handle @hayatheauthor where I post content about my WIP The Traitor’s Throne and life as a teenage author. 

Copyright © 2022 Haya, you are not allowed to repost, translate, recreate or redistribute my blog posts or content without prior permission

[luimnigh]

so what is the meaning of omelas because I hear a different take every month

The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas is a narrative where you're asked to imagine this Utopian city, on the day of a summer festival. While it does detail the city fairly clearly, it tells you to imagine whatever you want. Whatever political system, whatever religion, whatever floats your utopian boat. Want an orgy? Sure, go ahead. Want drugs? Not LeGuin's cup of tea, but go ahead.

And then when the narrator comes to the conclusion that no, you can't imagine that, that your idea of a civilisation must have someone suffering, gives you this imaginary child in some dank cellar, suffering in it's own filth. That the child must suffer for Omelas to prosper, and that everyone in Omelas knows about the child from adolescence onwards. And most people react to this in disgust, but eventually come to rationalise it through one philosophy or another.

And those who cannot rationalise their disgust away instead walk away into places much less imaginable.

There are many takes on this story: as an allegory for the West's resource exploitation of the less-developed world. As a trolley problem, either to choose one of the options based on different ethical frameworks, or to imagine a third. As a treatise to always be vigilant to the hidden evils around you. As a metaphor for how we temper our views of other societies by weighing their good and their evil, while ignoring the evil of our own. Some take it to say that we cannot improve our society without destroying it, and the only way to assuage us of the guilt is to abandon society, or to commit suicide. Others as a criticism of abandoning society, that those who walk away do nothing to actually help. Some even criticise that the suffering child is unexplained, unrealistic, makes no sense.

But like, the point of The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas is best summed up in these lines that you might have seen before:

The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain. If you can't lick 'em, join 'em. If it hurts, repeat it. But to praise despair is to condemn delight, to embrace violence is to lose hold of everything else. We have almost lost hold; we can no longer describe a happy man, nor make any celebration of joy. How can I tell you about the people of Omelas? They were not naive and happy children – though their children were, in fact, happy. They were mature, intelligent, passionate adults whose lives were not wretched. O miracle! but I wish I could describe it better. I wish I could convince you.

Emphasis mine.

The whole point of Omelas is demonstrating this point. That literary criticism, the decision of what is art, what is important, focuses on pain, on suffering, on evil as the only interesting things, and ignores happiness. That the reader is not contented in imagining a perfect world, that they must find a flaw to make it interesting.

So it offers up a nonsensical suffering child, a dark secret all those in Omelas know of, and must accept the suffering of or leave.

It's pointing out a flaw in the way people think about art, about what emotions are important and meaningful.

And given how all the above takes focus on the suffering child, and talk nothing about the Utopia... LeGuin was spot-on.

[drgnflyteabox]

postcards from the coast [2]

previous || part two -> linens || part three -> tbd

series masterlist

pairing: kyle 'gaz' garrick / single mom!reader summary: kyle looks for you, then finds you tags/warnings: grief, less angst but still there, depression, non-creepy stalking, judgmental people, anxiety, previous injuries, insomnia, don't accept rides from strange men ladies and theydies, unless it's gaz then feel free<3 w.c: 1.2k

"Can I get a red-eye?"

Sleep has been difficult lately. Evasive. He sometimes goes through insomniac phases, where no amount of jogging or calisthenics practice or mental exercise helps. It's pure, restless energy.

Before, he might've taken himself to a bar, found a pretty girl to fuck and ease the buzzing under his skin. Now it's too painful - too much of a reminder of post-mission decompressing with the team. Sat in a circle booth, slapping each other on the back as they left, the smell of cigar-smoke and perfume.

Not that he'd be able to here, anyway. The town is too small, too isolated. There's hardly a main street, just a strip with bare necessities vaguely at the center of rolling hill country pock-marked with bleached white cottages and surrounded by cold ocean on all sides.

Peaceful, sometimes. Unbearable, mostly.

"Sure, any milk or sugar?"

"No, that's alright, thank you." He's been here every day, mixing a caffeine fix with his ongoing search for you. Curiosity and boredom, he tells himself. The product of so many sudden life changes - the end of their last mission, Johnny's passing. He just needs something else to focus on, something soft and wide-eyed.

At least the coffee is good.

The next time he sees you, it's in passing. Driving out of town to the post office to pick up a gift from his sister.

You're holding a toddler by both arms, their feet on yours, walking them up the steps toward the local library. Another long skirt, wimpling softly in the breeze. There's a smile on your face as you watch the child walk with you.

It almost feels like a missed opportunity - like he should turn back. But the post office closes in a couple hours and it takes nearly that long to get there, so Kyle elects to be patient.

You're there every evening. From five o'clock until closing at eight, you sit at the same window and alternate reading a massive tome and babbling back at your baby, who's sitting on a wooden high-chair.

The librarian makes rounds just to say hello to the two of you, pinching cheeks and ooing and aweing.

"And how old is she again?" She whispers mindfully. Her nametag says Nettie and she's a kindly-looking old woman, bent a little from years of work but sturdy as a mast in a storm.

"Turning two soon," you whisper back. Neither of you have any idea he's there yet, browsing the books as a cover to peek through the shelf at you. "She's a taurus."

"Just about to hit the terrible twos!" Nettie laughs.

"Yep," you laugh with her, but there's something there. A sheepishness. Embarrassment? Your expression is almost a grimace, from what he doesn't know. He wants to, though. Looks through the peephole and lets his chest fill with something other than grief for just a moment.

"And the father? Not a fan of reading?" She probably means well, but your face goes from vaguely uncomfortable to something like a deer in the headlights.

"Oh, um," you're floundering, but Nettie is too busy stroking a wrinkled hand over your girls head. "He's not in the picture."

Not in the picture? If Kyle had felt any kind of guilt for eavesdropping, it's overshadowed by that information. Best stake-out of his career to-date.

You shrink a little when Nettie yanks her hand back, frowning. He can tell judgement and prejudice when he sees it - experience and a keen eye. Must be hard being a single mom.

Resigned - that's the look. Pained and embarrassed and resigned.

"Right. Well," Nettie's sensible leather shoes clack against the floor. You don't watch her go, your hand is reaching into your bag for a tiny knit hat.

Fuck, you're leaving.

As you gather your things - book, coat, bags, baby - he tucks himself into the shelf, positioned still as a sniper, to-

"Ouch!" Your voice cuts through the quiet of the library. Kyle flounders, caught off guard for once. He'd only gently bumped into you to make it look like an accident, like something out of a rom-com. Girls liked that, usually.

But instead of looking up at him with surprise, you close your eyes and shy away from him, shoulders coming up defensively - you can't reach your arm, not with a baby on your hip, but it's obvious you're in pain.

"Are you okay?" You look to him, wincing still. You're asking him if he's okay? Heat creeps into his cheeks, warming him with regret.

"I'm good, I'm good," he says quickly. "Sorry about that, love, didn't see you there."

"That's okay," you readjust, arm limp at your side. Your heavy bags hang off of it, but there's nothing you can do with the baby on your hip.

"Let me get those," there's no time for you to reject his offer; he's too quick. The bags are heavy - no doubt there are more books and a baby go-bag. This close, you smell powdery soft like linen sheets and laundry dried outside.

"It's the least I can do," he's trying to be casual about it, lest he scare you off. Holds the door open, notices while you step out that your daughter looks just like you.

"Thank you, you didn't have to," you look down. How'd you hurt your arm? He knows he didn't hurt you - not like that, at least. Not enough to warrant such a reaction.

"Of course I did, didn't mean to get'cha so hard," his head swivels. There are only two cars in the parking lot. "Can I get these in your car?"

"Oh, I walked, that's okay," you reach to take the bags back, but he pulls away.

"I can't let you walk home, please- let me be a gentleman and give you a ride," he knows it's a long shot. Neither of you have exchanged names, neither of you are locals. He's tried to make himself look as approachable as possible; head tilted down, brown eyes imploring, palms out even with your bags in one hand, but it's a gamble.

There's natural suspicion and hesitation, your eyes looking side-to-side, but you nod with a hesitant smile after a moment. It's hard to keep the grin down, but he manages it up until you're tucked in his passenger seat and he's putting your bags in the back of his car.

"My name is Kyle, by the way," he puts his keys in the ignition, turns them. Pretends not to notice how you sink into the seat, eyes drooping, holding your daughter on your lap. It's not safe, but it's a country road and he promised to drive slow on the way.

You tell him your name. It's pretty, fitting. He wonders again about you - who left you like this? Alone, hurt, tired, trusting a stranger to drive you home. If he were your man, he'd never let you be put in a position like that.

The cottage you're renting is tiny, a glorified shack, rented as a cottage for tourists.

"There you are," he murmurs, trying not to startle you. "Need help getting in?"

"Hm?" You've been staring out the window. "Sorry! No, I'm alright, thank you again for the ride. Josie and I appreciate it."

Josie. It fits her, fits you. His eyes crinkle at the corners.

There's not a chance he lets you get the bags out yourself, and once you're appropriately sent off to your door, he sits and waits for a moment. Makes sure you get inside. Feels something loosen in his chest.

[leafsbabe]

Vince Dunn - flu season

cw: discription of reader having a flu... 1.3k words

Waking up sick was never fun but at least you got sick while Vince was away on a road trip with the team far, far away from your germs. The last thing you needed was to get him sick too.

What had started with a sore throat had quickly developed into a full on flu. You felt horribly gross and in pain but at least you didn’t have to worry about work since your doctor gave you a note that excused you for two whole weeks.

The boredom was the worst of it, since everything you could think of to pass the time hurt. No phone because looking at a screen made your headache worse. No TV either since the noises made your headache worse. You couldn’t even blow your stuffy nose or cough without making your headache worse.

So napping it was.

After days of naps you expected to feel at least a little bit rested but no. Everything felt exhausting. There was nothing besides sleep, painkillers, and plain yogurt in your life. 

Your muscles ached as you fought your way out of the blanket pile you slept under. Two days ago you had mustered up the strength to swap your bedding with the guest room set in an attempt to be surrounded by less germs. Today you shuffled to your closet and changed into a different shirt for the same reason.

Just as you were debating if you should try and make your way into the kitchen your bedroom door opened, revealing your boyfriend.

The two of you just looked at each other before you spoke up at the same time.

“You look terrible. Get back into bed.”

“I thought you wouldn’t get home until Tuesdays?”

You immediately regretted speaking, your throat burning now.

“It is Tuesday.” Vince said, dropping his bag with a dull thud. “Bed. Come on.”

You went without protest, letting yourself be tucked in and hiding your face in the blankets when he attempted to feel your forehead.

Vince didn’t stop fussing over you though. “Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?” 

“Didn’t want you to worry. You needed to focus on the games.” It felt like a silly reason but you didn’t want to distract Vince during a road trip.

“Baby…” He trailed off, one of his hands coming up to brush over your sweaty hair. “Those games aren’t as important as you.”

You wanted to protest but Vince shushed you. “I could have at least asked the boys to send one of their wives over to check in on you and make sure you’re not dying.”

Just as you wanted to reply your body betrayed you, a coughing fit wrecked your body so hard your eyes started to water from the pain.

Vince didn’t comment on it; he just brushed your hair out of your face and tucked the blankets around you tighter. Well.. it looked like you would be staying in bed for a little while longer.

“I’m going to the store real quick.” Vince decided. “I’ll only be gone a few minutes but if anything happens promise you’ll call.”

“Hmmmm.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” You mumbled or maybe slurred. You couldn’t quite tell.

It wouldn’t matter anyways because somewhere between Vince pressing a kiss to your feverish  forehead and him walking towards the door, you fell asleep.

By the time you woke up again twilight had set in. The low light coming through the window didn’t agitate your throbbing headache and you managed to get up and out of bed without the struggle you had earlier in the day.

The apartment was silent as you made your way out of the bedroom. It seemed like several hours had passed since Vince left but you couldn’t tell if he’d come back, which worried you more than the flu. You knew Vince wouldn’t just leave you alone while you were sick, that was the whole reason why you didn’t tell him about it in the first place. 

Finally you spotted light coming from the kitchen but the sight that greeted you when you went to investigate wasn’t something you expected. Vince was standing with his back to you, working on something on the stove you couldn’t see. From what you could smell —and that wasn’t very much— whatever he was cooking smelled amazing. You didn’t know Vince could cook.

“What now?” He spoke, his voice loud over the quiet noises of the boiling water. For a moment you thought he was talking to you before his mom’s voice filled the room.

“Turn the heat to low and let it simmer. It should be done in 15 to 20 minutes.”

Vince nodded and as he moved you could see his iPad propped up, his mother’s face on the screen on a video call.

“And you better set a timer because we both know you’ll just forget about it and let the soup burn.”

“Mom, that’s—”

“Don’t say anything. You know I’m right. Now show me what tea you brought.”

You watched in silence as your boyfriend picked up a bag and placed it on the counter before holding up box after box after box of tea.

“Oh dear. How many different kinds did you get?”

Vince shrugged, the muscles under his shirt moving from where you could see his back. “I dunno. Like ten?” He looked between the bag and his mother’s face on the screen, then held up two more boxes.

“The red box.” His mom decided. “Do you have a kettle?”

Vince didn’t respond for a moment, freezing up at the question. “Uh…”

“Cabinet to your left.” You decided to help him out, alerting him to your presence.

He jumped, dropping the boxes he was holding. “You’re awake.”

“You’re cooking.”

The two of you just looked at each other for a moment before he finally seemed to register that you were standing in the kitchen with him. “Why aren’t you in bed? You're sick and need to rest.”

He walked over to you and felt your forehead again. “You don’t feel as hot as before. That’s good right?”

“Feel a little better too.” Speaking still hurt a little but you’d manage for the moment. “I wanted to look for you.”

Vince smiled. “You found me. Now get back to bed. I’ll bring you some tea and some soup soon.”

You wanted to fight him just on principle but a weird shiver ran through your body. “Okay.” You conceded, turning towards the iPad and addressing his mom for the first time since you stepped into the kitchen. “Hi. Thank you for helping Vince with the cooking.”

“Of course sweetheart. Get well soon. I’m gonna log off but don’t hesitate to call if you need any more help, okay?”

Vince barely managed to get out a “Thanks mom. Love you. Bye.” before the call ended. He then turned back to you, placing his hand on the small of your back and gently steering you towards the hallway. “Come on baby. Let's get you back into bed. A little rest and we’ll get you healthy again in no time.”

You laughed a little at his attentiveness. This side of him wasn’t exactly new but it surprised you time and time again, the amount of attention he paid to every little ailment. Vince cared. A lot. “Whatever you say, Dr. Dunn.”

Vince tucked you in again, this time letting you sit against the headboard as he went back to the kitchen to finish the soup and bring it to you alongside two different mugs of tea and some medicine. Smiling, you carefully tried the hot soup as he watched, a small satisfied moan leaving your mouth at the taste. Not bad at all. When you looked at Vince he smiled down at you with a soft look in his eyes and you couldn’t help but hope for a quick recovery. The last thing you wanted to do was get him sick but you also really wanted to kiss him. Soon, you thought. You’d be back to health in no time, but until then you could be convinced to let Vince play doctor (and private chef) a little longer.

[sith-shenanigans]

The thing about the Omelas story is that I don’t hate it, actually.

Don’t get me wrong. Usually, when I think about it, it drives me up a wall. I also—on the subject of responses to it—didn’t really like The Ones Who Stay And Fight. (Most of my reasons are said, better, in this article. Not the part about the tone, but that it shot for ambiguity and ended up in “somehow, the clearly magical power of child suffering made more sense than intolerance being a memetic virus that can only be solved through police murder.”) I’m fond of responding to trolley problems by asking who’s tying people to trolleys, and then insisting that it is morally relevant that someone tied those people to the tracks, because you wouldn’t be deciding who lives and who dies if someone hadn’t made the deliberate choice to put those people in mortal peril for no pressing reason.

(I like to think I’d save the five people. I think a lot of us would most likely panic and do something entirely unhelpful, and in practice, I have no idea if I’m one of them, because no one has ever tied anybody to a trolley track in front of me. It just hasn’t come up. But the ideal would be to save the five people. That’s not my answer in the organ-harvesting version, though, because it’s bad for everyone to live in a place where a surgeon can decide to kill you for your organs, no matter how many people doing it just this once would save.)

But I don’t dislike the story that Omelas came from. I don’t even dislike trolley problems, unless people are trying to insist that the context doesn’t matter. (The context always matters.) The problem is that everyone treats Omelas as a trolley problem. “Here’s a utopia where one innocent person has to suffer horribly. Is it worth it, to keep so many other people from suffering? Would you stay and be complicit, or would you walk out to go anywhere else?” The child is the central feature of Omelas, the only thing that matters. The child is nonnegotiable. You can’t rescue them, you can only walk away.

But the narrator did give us the chance to believe, before adding the child in.

Omelas is described to us as half place and half thought experiment, by a narrator that adds things as they go, a narrator that says this at close to the opening:

As they did without monarchy and slavery, so they also got on without the stock exchange, the advertisement, the secret police, and the bomb. Yet I repeat that these were not simple folk, not dulcet shepherds, noble savages, bland utopians. They were not less complex than us. The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain. If you can't lick 'em, join 'em. If it hurts, repeat it. But to praise despair is to condemn delight, to embrace violence is to lose hold of everything else. We have almost lost hold; we can no longer describe a happy man, nor make any celebration of joy.

And goes on, in the narrative, to consider the reader’s opinion, to ask what they’ll believe.

I wish I could convince you. Omelas sounds in my words like a city in a fairy tale, long ago and far away, once upon a time. Perhaps it would be best if you imagined it as your own fancy bids, assuming it will rise to the occasion, for certainly I cannot suit you all. For instance, how about technology? I think that there would be no cars or helicopters in and above the streets; this follows from the fact that the people of Omelas are happy people. Happiness is based on a just discrimination of what is necessary, what is neither necessary nor destructive, and what is destructive. In the middle category, however – that of the unnecessary but undestructive, that of comfort, luxury, exuberance, etc. – they could perfectly well have central heating, subway trains, washing machines, and all kinds of marvelous devices not yet invented here, floating light-sources, fuelless power, a cure for the common cold. Or they could have none of that: it doesn't matter. As you like it.

[…]

But even granted trains, I fear that Omelas so far strikes some of you as goody-goody. Smiles, bells, parades, horses, bleh. If so, please add an orgy. If an orgy would help, don't hesitate. […] Surely the beautiful nudes can just wander about, offering themselves like divine souffles to the hunger of the needy and the rapture of the flesh. Let them join the processions. Let tambourines be struck above the copulations, and the glory of desire be proclaimed upon the gongs, and (a not unimportant point) let the offspring of these delightful rituals be beloved and looked after by all. One thing I know there is none of in Omelas is guilt. But what else should there be?

Omelas is a story being told to a listener, a utopia being described; the reader is an implied participant in a conversation, the narrator reacting to what they said where the page couldn’t hear. And so, after all of that, the narrator says:

Do you believe? Do you accept the festival, the city, the joy? No? Then let me describe one more thing.

And the narrator goes on to describe the child, the terrible price, the self-justifications that people employ. Because the listener doesn’t accept the festival, the city, the joy—only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. So the narrator engages in “the treason of the artist” (if you can't lick 'em, join 'em) and regales us with the child’s sorry state.

[…] They know that they, like the child, are not free. They know compassion. It is the existence of the child, and their knowledge of its existence, that makes possible the nobility of their architecture, the poignancy of their music, the profundity of their science. It is because of the child that they are so gentle with children. They know that if the wretched one were not there snivelling in the dark, the other one, the flute-player, could make no joyful music as the young riders line up in their beauty for the race in the sunlight of the first morning of summer.

Now do you believe in them? Are they not more credible?

I don’t think we’re being asked, as readers, to consider whether it’s worth it, though it’s certainly something we can consider if we want. But the narrative seems quite clear that it isn’t: to praise despair is to condemn delight, to embrace violence is to lose hold of everything else. A description of Omelas, of why Omelas should be believed in, but how could that be anything but a condemnation of a city powered by a forsaken child?

And, of course, everyone wants to ask—why don’t we free the child, why don’t we comfort the child, why don’t we change things and take the risk of making everything worse? Why is the best thing we can do to walk away?

Because we needed the utopia to have suffering in it, to believe it. Because it couldn’t be real until there was a cost, a price, something cruel and unfair to balance out the scales. Something had to be wrong with Omelas, as the narrator spun it up before us. Yes, perhaps we could save the child, perhaps we could ruin everything, perhaps we could be heroes—wouldn’t that be nice? Wouldn’t that be the story we want, here, where someone is suffering and only we (who are of course more compassionate than everyone else) can fix it? That would make it a real utopia, if we could kick down the doors and fix everything ourselves.

But it would have been better to believe that Omelas could exist without someone suffering for it, when we were asked.

[darkestrellar]

Svern can't cry to express himself. It's an extremely natural reaction that is entirely foreign to him, and at present it's not one he's able to mimic much/at all either. If he is ever emotionally affected enough by something that it should trigger a crying response, something that crying would provide a release for, he will be unable to do so.

He's unable to manually choose to cry in a way that would adequately address that situation, and when he's left to his natural reactions he will not cry. He will feel extremely uncomfortable, especially because he's not used to strong (or even average level) emotional experiences and thus has a poor ability to manage his emotions if/when they do arise. He may know that he should cry in order to release them, but he can't, not in a way that would help, so they're left inside him.

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Family love(less). Chapter I

Self-Aware! Platonic! Yandere! BSD Characters x GN!Child! Reader

Self-Aware! Platonic! Yandere! Yukichi Fukuzawa x GN! Child! Reader

Chapter description: you woke up in unfamiliar place. Fukuzawa promise to keep your safe.

Warning: OOC. Platonic Yandere. Mental abuse. English is my second language.

[<Previous ll Masterlist ll Next>]

A/N: Merry Christmas, everyone! 🎄🎅🧑‍🎄🤶☃️

Chapter I. Bodyguard's memories

The Park was quiet. No children's laughter. No adults talking with each other. No birds singing.

Only wind's howling.

But the Park wasn't completely empty.

There were six people.

Fukuzawa Yukichi, the bodyguard. President of the Armed Detective Agency in the future. Right now, a bodyguard, again.

He was cradling you. You were sleeping soundly, nested against Fukuzawa's chest.

On the ground were laying four of your relatives. Four people, on punishing whom Fukuzawa, Oda, Ranpo and Natsume insisted personally.

Three of your cousins. Their father, your uncle. Four people, who tortured them.

And who hurt and abused you.

Fukuzawa breath through his teeth. Your so-called family personified everything he (and others) hated.

Fukuzawa cradle you closer to his chest and walked towards the bench.

He kicked your uncle on his way. Their revenge will start, only after you and your relatives woke up, yet, Fukuzawa couldn't help it. After quick thinking, Fukuzawa kicked your uncle a few more times.

The man on the ground groan in pain, yet, didn't wake up. Slightly satisfied, Fukuzawa sat on the bench.

He, after making sure, that you are comfortably cradled in his arms, he started to think.

He had some time, before all of you wake up.

_________

Three months ago. After another session of "Read BSD together" video call.

________

Fukuzawa was sitting in his office. He was hiding his face in his hands.

The words of forsaken Real People rang in his ears.

"Fukuzawa is such a terrible character!"

"Agree! How could anyone like an old bag like him!"

"And this is the great swordsman? A babysitter for a bunch of kids!"

Word.

After word.

After word.

Insult.

After insult.

After insult.

Aimed at him. Aimed at his detectives. At other organizations' members.

And with every insult come pain. With every insult, Fukuzawa felt, like he was drowning, teared apart. Tortured.

Fukuzawa can accept, that he and others can't be liked by everyone. And, while he despised of thinking about that, he understands, that not everyone will like stories about their life.

But this people hate all of them.

Hate them for simply existing.

For not reaching their expectations.

For being too kind, too cruel, too old, too young, too strict, too soft.

Fukuzawa hated Real People.

They only insulted them. Not even once Real People said something relatively nice about Fukuzawa or others. Only complaints and insults.

... Well, Readers said something nice about their looks from time to time. Yet, this comments didn't make the situation better.

"I am so tired of BSD. I can't even understand, why I still read it together with all of you!"

Fukuzawa, unheard to the real world, grumble under his nose.

"Then why are you still reading about us? If we bring to you only anger and boredom, why you torture both yourself and us?"

But, of course, no one answered Fukuzawa's question.

_____

Fukuzawa's thoughts were interrupted by movement on his lap. You started to woke up.

______

You felt warm. Warm and safe. You were dreaming about being protected by someone.

But, it's just a dream, for sure. No one from your family would care enough to protect you.

You yawn, opened your eyes and looked around.

At the park. At Uncle Arnold, Rita, Monika and Rebecca, who were laying unconscious on the ground. And at Fukuzawa, who was looking at you, and his gaze was soft.

If it wasn't for Fukuzawa's grip, you would fell on the ground. But, bodyguard held you close, not letting you fall down and hurt yourself.

"Careful, kiddo, there's no need to be afraid." Fukuzawa's hand ruffle your hair.

"Who... Where... How?" almost squeaked you. You had no idea how you got here and what was going on. Fukuzawa continue ruffling your hair.

"Shh... Don't worry, you are safe here. Nothing is going to harm you, kiddo." His voice was shooting.

No one has ever talked to you with so much softness in their voice, or pet your head. Slowly, your fear disappeared. You sat still.

"Now, let's introduce ourselves to each other. I am Fukuzawa Yukichi. And you are?" Fukuzawa sound genuine curious.

he gives you no reason to think, that he already knew your name

"[Y/N]... Nice to meet you, sir" Mumble you under your breath. You were nervous, yet, you still remain polite. You don't want to be hit by Fukuzawa. Bodyguard chuckled.

"You have a nice name, kiddo. Say, what were you doing, sleeping on the streets?" Fukuzawa's eyes remains soft. You looked at the ground and shrugged.

"I don't know... I fall asleep in my bed. Woke up here." Fukuzawa chuckled, hold you closer to his chest and stands up.

"Well then, you can stay with me, for now. Let's find you something more suitable for walking down the streets." Fukuzawa takes a few steps towards the Park entrance, when you shake his shoulder.

"M-Mister Fukuzawa, but, my family are still here!" You point at four unconscious people on the ground. You looked down at them, feeling nervous. You knew, that they would ruin anything good, that is supposed to happen to you, yet, you were afraid of leaving them here. They would be mad at you.

they will hit you

You didn't notice Fukuzawa's glare, that he send towards your family.

_____

The new person, who start reading about them, weren't that bad.

They were a child.

And a sweet one.

Soft-spoken. Kind.

And utterly adorable.

They were nice to all of them.

Not a single insult were thrown in their way. The new reader didn't feel even a speck of hate towards them.

Such a contrast, in comparison to the previous... Readers.

They start calling the new Reader Guiding Light. Their hope in this dark days.

Yet, the voices of previous Readers remained.

And this time, they were hating on Little Guiding Light.

This four weren't an exception. And, the man was Fukuzawa's enemy.

Yukichi's eyes shrink, when he looked at your uncle.

Arnold... Despicable being...

"Hey, Little Rat, are you still here? Shouldn't you be in a sewer with the rest of your kind?"

"[Y/N], don't try to act smart. You are dumber, then a donkey!"

"You useless clod! Your mother's should have get rid of you, when she had a chance!"

Fukuzawa wished, he could break the phone's screen, go to your world, destroy your family and, finally, give you the father's love you deserve.

But, for now, Fukuzawa can only wait.

________

Fukuzawa felt you shaking in his arms. Your voice sounded scared.

"P-please, we can't leave them."

'We can. They would leave you. They won't care about you. Stop caring about them only because you are related! Are you afraid, that they will punish you? Don't be! Your new father won't let them lay a finger on you!'

Fukuzawa wanted to say this.

Instead, he smiled.

It was the fakest smile in the world.

"Don't worry, kiddo, we won't be gone for long. I promise, that we will return in ten minutes. And, if they woke up before we return, then." Fukuzawa winks. "We will pretend, that we found them after they woke up. Deal?"

You looked at Fukuzawa and slowly nodded.

What remains of your childish curiosity has won.

Fukuzawa chuckled and walked towards the entrance.

_____

The clothing shop wasn't far away from the Park, so, you quickly choose your new outfit.

There were no salespersons, but, Fukuzawa assured you, that it wasn't a problem, and he will simply leave money on the counter.

'There are no other people in this world, except you, kiddo, your older brother Ranpo, your second new father Natsume-sensei, your future new third father, Oda Sakunosuke and I, first of your new fathers. And your relatives? I don't consider them as humans.'

Fukuzawa didn't say this out loud. He didn't want to scare you by mentioning your family.

You were too nervous, you didn't want make Fukuzawa to spend money on you, but, swordsmen firmly insisted on getting you new clothes.

You choose a simple clothes, that was good enough for taking a walk. When you changed, Fukuzawa lead you back to the park. He assured you, that he did leave money on the counter.

He grasps your much smaller hand in his.

For the first time, an adult hold your hand, to make sure, that you won't get lost.

Was it normal to like Fukuzawa more, than your actual relatives?

You still don't know, how you get here.

But, right now, this place was better, then home.

____

When Fukuzawa and you returned, your uncle and cousins were awake.

Fukuzawa took a step forward, shielding you from your relatives.

People, who made him and others go through torture. People, who made your life miserable.

'You will never hurt my kid ever again.'

His revenge has officially begun.

[hellvzx]

GRACEFULLY NOT YOURS 

 Summary: Adam has been betrayed once again. Turns out third times not the charm. Notes: I wrote this out of boredom so it might be really bad but if anyone wants me to make this an actual mini series pls tell ! ( open to criticism btw )

 “You have been proven guilty!“

“I object!” 

Their head shot up to see Adam furious even if there was a minimal expression due to his mask they could feel his glare upon them. “Say you didn’t do those things! Say it!” He slammed his fist down on the desk while his right hand man stood next to them, Lute. For the circumstances she was extremely cheerful I mean why wouldn’t she be? She was the one to turn you in after all.

“I accept any punish-“ Their words where cut off by Adam who in a flash flew down to her holding her shoulders as she shaken her in desperation. “Just say you didn’t do it!” He searched desperately in their eyes to find if there was something inside them.. something that hinted to what the higher up said about them was all a lie. 

 “You will therefore be banished to hell for the crimes of intertwining with a Lucifer and infiltrating classified information.” 

His hands dropped to his side shattered. Not because you shared classified information. He could care less. But because you had betrayed him with the one person you promised you would never intertwine with.

“What!?I never indulged romantic feelings with Lucifer! What blasphemy is that!“ She shouted to the judge as she held her face high before looking back at Adam who still stood in-front of her. “Adam, you know-“  Again her words where cut off by none other than Lute. They where the one who had made of this a huge mess. “Shut up you filthy scum! I saw it with my own eyes!” Lute declared to all angels who witnessed her in horror. “She shall be banned!” Lute screamed and it only created a chant between all of them.

“Adam..” They whispered out softly tears forming in the corner of her eyes. “Shut it bitch.” Adam scowled as he pushed her down. “YOU FILTHY WHORE!” Adam screamed that caused the chanting to only get louder. “Sir,” Lute smiled handing him a angelic weapon. “Adam! Please! You know I would never do that to you.” They accepted their punishment to be banned but to be pointed at with such terrible lies as being a cheater to their own husband was shattering for them both. Never in million years would have they committed such monstrosity. Yet Adam seemed to completely believe Lute.

A shock of wave pained through their body, her eyes growing heavy realizing what their husband now held on their hands. What made them an angel, the most sacred thing to them. Their wings who now where held by Adam, the man they would call the love of their life had done such horrid thing to them.

“See you in hell.”

In all their life they would never imagined Adam could trust Lute’s words over their own. Their eyes became heavy within seconds passing out on the floor.. gold blood spilled all over.

“Get rid of her.” Adam mumbled out grasping on their winds before flying with them. Leaving them to their fate in hell.