#'oh im being greedy im being lazy with my time i should be doing something productive'

[catmask]

it is insane how normal i am medicated like. you mean this was an option the whole time. what

[tsumugismaster]

alright, finally responding to your big message.. i got a lil lazy. hi my dear :) I slept well, thank you very much. you’re so sweet.. im just gonna take a bite out of you. (cuteness aggression…)

i am a very meak person.. so id definitely just take it. maybe argue back a little bit.. get snippy.. but it’s not like I wouldn’t want you to do that. i really enjoy feeling embarrassed.. no matter how much i say “stop”… ><

i will work my hardest! i just don’t wanna upset you. i want to be perfect for whoever im with.. im a very sad person, and a lot of people dislike that.. so i try to get that out in ways that dont bother my person. hmmm.. puzzle piece number 1 was getting your attention.. i guess puzzle piece number 2 is keeping it..? no matter what.. i just want to be around you.

i absolutely love the idea of invading my persons mind.. it’s something that truly excites me and makes me so so happy. the fact that they think of me.. eee i love it so much. yes, you definitely have gotten a part of my brain.. you’re not letting it go either. greedy…

died. dead. that’s what i would be.. makes me so nervous. i would do whatever you ask of me, of course, but.. that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be embarrassed. i think my general style is very flowy clothing, so it’s pretty uncommon to see me in anything skin tight.. oh gosh, being stared at makes me nervous. id probably cover my face and just curl into a ball and die of embarrassment..

pain scares me in some senses, and excites me in others. im not always sure what to do with my feelings about it.. i get pretty half and half. but that still sounds quite nice.. i can’t deny that. yes! don’t go anywhere! we can just hang out all the time..

i get flustered and overwhelmed by everything.. i go into sensory overload so quickly. sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad.. but either way, it’s something i got to live with! so i hope that doesn’t become too annoying.. sigh to be in someone’s arms..

the idea of being so completely honest and vulnerable with someone.. scares me. i think im at a point where i feel like i can’t make a mistake.. i need to tread lightly, no matter what i do. but i do want to be around you.. i want to talk, to learn about you.. take things easy.. not have to worry so much about something for a change. just.. be. to just be alive, with you. that’s what i want.. at least, right now.

oh my gosh.. I feel like you really are in my brain. you know exactly what i want.. it’s kinda freaky.. what have you done to my head..? all of that sounds amazing. to be hurt so viciously, then so tenderly cared for.. what a dream.

im so glad that im making you happy. obviously i did give you some hints.. before i say more, did you send a coconut emoji to.. more than one person? that will be my deciding factor on my next decision.. you like “my liege”? then I’ll keep it. hmmm i hope you’re feeling alright.. i know you’re at some kind of dinner right now. be safe.

waiting patiently, 🐞

pleaseee take a bite out of me I’d love thatt!! waah.. I feel like crying right now.. makes sense if you got lazy ahdhhfjfhfjf

Ah though I’m not sure how far I should take my bullying.. should I call you an ugly fucking pig, spill milk on your head and shove you on the ground? Or lightly shove you and call you a cute pathetic little baby? Though if you were to ever tell me to stop I’ll actually stop..I just really don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or cross boundaries.

Mm I admire your effort and dedication.. I absolutely adore it, but I also don’t want you to lost your true self. Become the perfect little doll for me won’t you? But still don’t want you to lose your spark. Ah.. I want to be honest with this one, I’m not one to get upset since it’s all just going to be built up resentment, all of it just sits there—festering, until I eventually snap at you. It’s happened many times with other loved ones. I’ll always comfort you back if I ever do though. So.. take that as you wish, I’m fairly understanding so even if I am upset I understand the situation and whatnot. Please don’t feel worried about upsetting me either way.. I don’t know if that’s hard to expect after I just told you this info but either way please don’t

Ah? I don’t mind sad people, I rather you be sad and show me your true self; though expect me to write full on paragraphs to comfort you with. Your feelings are always valid! And I’ll always hear them if you ever want to vent to me about it. I’ll always reassure you no matter how many times it takes, always reminding you that’s there’s someone who’s willing to hear you.

puzzle pieces aah.. hopefully you can solve mine.. you’re doing a very good job! Some of the pieces seem to be missing though.. can you find them? Or maybe even make some of your own and replace the old ones? Whatever route you choose.

Aaha!! I’m glad, hope you’re proud that you’ve eaten my brain whole. Of course! I’m greedy as hell, I’m not letting go until I eat you till there’s nothing left but me.

Ah though I would never pain on scaring you with pain, maybe frighten you a little as a joke but never genuinely with bad intention. I don’t mind pain myself, it’s nice sometimes, maybe a bit enjoyable depending on the situation. I wouldn’t mind if you started shaking me around and hurting me! But I’m definitely going to fight back! Mhm I’ll be a little pet right next to you, following you everywhere

I wouldn’t mind at all! I’d just adore it even more, of course if you need a break I’ll pause but expect me to be literally lovebombing.. oh definitely to be in someone’s arms..

Take your time, don’t force yourself. But also don’t worry about making mistakes, I can forgive and forget. You are free to feel alive here, and take things easy. I can be a safe space if you want me to. Do whatever you wish my dear, I’ll always still be here.

I am in your brain!! Ahaa! I can read minds trust, hmm you’ll have to figure out yourself what spells I’ve cursed your brain with. Mm dreams and turn into reality yknow?

You made it very obvious my dear, I love the nickname “my liege” literally makes me feel like a king. I’m doing well, apologies this ask like took a day to finish. Mm currently I’m working on some assignments, stay safe my dear ladybug, I adore you!

[twstedstoryshop]

Can i request love language hcs for savanaclaw? (Btw i cannot find ur rules and the link doesnt work for some reason.. probably just me so if im breaking any rules here just ignore me lol)

You're fine, hun! By now, I should have the post with all my rules and other things out in the open. -Shopkeep

Love Language Headcanons with the Savanaclaw Dorm

Leona strikes me as the kind of man who shows his love through quality time and physical touch. He’s a man who doesn’t like big show-y declarations of affection, he shows it through subtle means. Honestly, you wouldn’t even register his actions until it hits you one day like, “Oh, he love-loves me.”

Leona doesn’t let anyone interrupt his daily naps unless it’s Ruggie coming to nag him. So the fact that you can waltz on in and literally poke at the sleeping lion says a lot. You could twiddle with his hair, poke and knead his arms, pet his tail/ears, and he’ll just take it. The most he’ll do is make the typical annoyed growl and snide comment, but does he actually push you off? Nope.

The days that he feels the most relaxed is when you’re there, talking idly about your day. He just hums along to whatever you wanna share before he nods off to sleep. Surprisingly, even if you think he forgot what you said, he remembers everything to the last detail.

If someone tries to drag you away from him, thinking that you’re not doing anything because Leona’s only lazing around, he’ll suddenly get hostile. He’ll hiss loudly at whoever’s stealing you away. The herbivore is obviously busy with him right now, go away!

Fully expect Leona to start using you as his personal heated pillow. Sometimes he’ll even crawl on top of you and sprawl out like a lazy cat, keeping you pinned under his weight. It’s one of his tactics to keep you from leaving him.

More on physical touch, he absolutely would rub his head all over you to leave his scent. It comes off as him being a teasing annoyance like, “Ah, I’m sleepy… Lemme use you as a pillow right now,” and you’re scolding him to stop nuzzling you all of a sudden. Meanwhile every Beastman within a 50 ft radius is keeping a fair distance from the lion’s beloved.

Ruggie, our playful little hyena, is a man of giving gifts and doing acts of service for you whenever he shows his love.

You’d think that he’d be exhausted enough having to deal with Leona’s business, but if he ever catches you struggling or needing something, he’s scampering off to you. He’s here to swoop in and be your lil helper!

If you’re someone who insists that you’re fine working by yourself, he wouldn’t be above using his Unique Magic to force you to sit back and relax. Let him handle all the tough stuff! But remember, you have to promise to praise him lots after he finishes the work! Please give him many pats, kisses and cheek rubs. He’s all smiles and tail wagging at your rewarded affection.

Ruggie, as you all know, is a very greedy hyena. Whatever he nabs, he keeps it for himself. Especially food. Survival of the fittest and all that. However, with you, doesn’t feel the anxiety to guard his valuables.

If anything, he wants to share his spoils with you, just to see you happy over what he can provide. He never does this with anyone else so this is an obvious sign of great affection.

I can see him being cheeky about it though. He hand feeds you with his familiar grin and would do it infront of other students to one part tease you and the other part to rub it in other people’s faces that he’s being lovey-dovey. If you act cute about it and happily eat from his hand, it is the most sickeningly sweet sight that is sure to annoy. Especially Leona. If you’re shy about it, he’ll get pouty and very whiny.

Tries to look like a kicked puppy if you don’t let him feed you. Eventually you have to relent or else he’s gonna act all mopey the whole day to guilt you. In a way, it’s kind of a thing he chases after, the feeling of what it’s like to provide for someone he loves. Maybe one day when he’s strong enough to support you and himself, he can always shower you with wonderful things.

Jack does acts of service and spends quality time with his beloved to show his love!

Jack is obviously a man of few words, much less socialization, so when it comes to the act of romance, he can be a bit– shaky with it. Though he doesn’t say it through flowery words, his devotion is clear through his actions.

He tries to uphold this image of a lone wolf in his mind but when it comes to you, that notion vanishes in an instant. He doesn’t even realize it! The big tough wolf unconsciously wants to seek you out and follow you like a lost pup. Maybe he tries to make the excuse that you could get lost or has to protect you if any bullies try to bother you.

But everyone and their mothers’ know the truth. The guy has such a weakness to you and wants to be at your side 24/7. The times that you do have to separate, his disappointment is palpable. Ears droop, tail sags, even his eyes go a little downcast. Jack tries to act like it’s nothing but there’s always a little voice in his head that says, “I miss my partner…”

Jack: stares out window stoically, waiting for his baby to come back

Acts of service time! You know Jack is willing to literally run miles for you if you need help. Like I can perfectly imagine you’re out stuck somewhere with no transportation and someone to grab Jack by the tail before he runs off immediately to carry you in his arms back home.

Besides physical things, he does sweet and very thoughtful little things too. Like, sliding more food on your plate, there’s an extra water bottle for you during P.E., or he offers his jacket if you’re cold.

If you make comments or show affection for all the things he does for you, he tries to deny it, saying he just doesn’t want to see you lag behind. But the way his tail is wagging and how red his face is says otherwise.

[1kook]

commercial break: twelve

this is part of my netflix & chill series a prelude to part 10 <3

SUMMARY Anyway, if it was up to Jungkook, Kim Doyeon would not be a member of the Engagement Ring Committee.  WARNING none !! we r safe MISC jk and doyeon mortal enemies, nearly everyone is mentioned, thank u namjoon, jk loves oc, the end <3 jimin makes his first appearance O_O WC 1.4k

NOTES we just having fun with it!!! jk’s friendship with everyone else <3

Doyeon says you have fat fingers, and Jungkook takes great offense at that. “Who cares about the size— __ has pretty hands, idiot,” he mutters, and almost wants to feel bad about being so childish in the middle of this jewelry store. But Kim Doyeon is a pest— a fly who just won’t stop buzzing by his ear with each ring they look at, and she has the audacity to look disgusted with him now. Jungkook very much regrets inviting her along. She exudes very similar energy to the popular girls he used to go to high school, the ones that would only talk to him because he was friends with Namjoon and wanted Jungkook to help them into his pants. Lo and behold, Kim Doyeon is very acquainted with whatever’s inside Namjoon’s pants. She hits the mark perfectly. 

“Oh, definitely get her a rock. Like, one of those obnoxiously bing and shiny rings, maybe?” And she never stops talking. 

Jungkook hasn’t had to spend this much time with her in months, the last time being Namjoon’s birthday when you had tasked the two of them to go pick up the cake together. Not only was Doyeon adamant on passenger-seat driving — “Turn here,” she says a moment too late, “no wait, here — but she had been an absolute heathen outside in the bakery parking lot. 

(“Okay, now take a picture of me by this wall,” she says, artfully holding up the box of cake in two hands, dark hair flipped over her shoulder. Jungkook doesn’t know how to tell her that there is no significant difference between this brick wall and the brick wall they just took a picture by two minutes before.)

Anyway, if it was up to Jungkook, Kim Doyeon would not be a member of the Engagement Ring Committee. It would be him and Namjoon, and maybe Namjoon’s blunt roommate Jimin if he was feeling down for it, but that was pretty much it. Even Taehyung, a very close and dearly cherished friend, had not made the cut. He was too lazy, didn’t offer much concrete advice other than the occasional, “that one looks cool” comment. 

The great thing about Namjoon is that he’s highly educated on just about every aspect of life; he knows the best hairstylists — “You can always ask Hobi,” Namjoon offers, “he’s married.” — and the best lawyers — “Oh, and Yoongi can help with your prenup.” — for no reason other than the fact he is Namjoon. 

The bad thing about Namjoon is that he’s dead set on including Doyeon. “Doyeon is ___’s best friend,” he says calmly one night after dinner. You’re at your friend’s house this weekend, something about a midnight revenge plot against a shitty ex-boyfriend. He isn’t too clear on the details. “You have to let her in on it.” It’s been decades since Jungkook last stomped his foot in annoyance, but the urge wells up strongly in him now. 

Jimin is on the couch. “Oooh, you don’t like her?” he asks, flipping his platinum hair away from his eyes. Jungkook doesn’t answer, only because it would be rude to confirm it in front of Namjoon. Jimin presses on. “Is she, like, an evil best friend?”

“Yes,” Jungkook says at the same time Namjoon says, “no.” Jimin’s got this highly intrigued smirk on his face, and Jungkook hates how similar it is to your own mischievous grins. He’s glad you haven’t met Jimin, mostly because he knows you have your mean moments and meeting Park Jimin would only exacerbate them. Namjoon frowns anyway. 

Jimin says, “oh, you guys should duel. Like, whoever knows __ the best gets to keep her.” 

Namjoon jumps to stop that thought. “No— they’re not gonna duel, Jimin. ___ isn’t an object to win,” he scolds, and Jungkook nods along agreeingly, pretends he hadn’t seriously considered Jimin’s idea for a solid ten seconds. 

Long story short, Doyeon has tagged along to this jeweler and the past two jewelers to make sure Jungkook doesn’t give you “an ugly ring,” as she claims. 

“Wait, what if you get her this one,” she says, on the other side of the store. Jungkook sighs, but hurries over anyway. Hey, he’s here to see some rings, okay? 

Doyeon is looking at the most ugly ring Jungkook has ever seen, a mix of a braid and a snake, that is just too… not you. “This is hideous,” he says, disregarding all and any notions of being polite because at this point, she had to be pulling his leg. “___ would hate this.” 

At his side, Doyeon huffs. “Oh, ‘cause you know ___ sooo well, don’t you?” she snarks. 

Jungkook levels her with a glare. “I do, actually,” he says, “that’s literally what made me want to marry her.” And because Kim Doyeon sparks a very immature flame within him, he feels the need to add, “I probably know ___ better than you,” to top it off. 

Doyeon scoffs. “No, you don’t— you will never know her like I do, you overgrown fungus,” she spits. “Me and ___ have exceeded any level of trust you could ever hope to have, a friendship forged on the grounds of love and equal values. A nerd like you can’t even begin to fathom the absolutely crazy shit we’ve shared with each other.” 

If he was eight years younger, Jungkook is certain he would have gone home and cried. Mid-twenties Jungkook, on the other hand, has had one too many rodeos with mean girls — he’s dating a retired high school cheerleader, for goodness sake, an apex predator if he’s ever seen one — and will not stand for it. Besides, Jungkook has received your blessing to check Doyeon into place if ever she crosses the line. 

(“Sometimes you just gotta knock her down, maybe call her a dumbass if necessary,” you had said one night after Doyeon had unceremoniously barged into your apartment to monopolize your evening plans with Jungkook. Now it’s nearing midnight and as much as Jungkook wants to spend time with you, he’s deathly tired. “Just tell her off.” 

Jungkook frowns, snuggles closer until he’s so tightly pressed against your body that he can’t tell whose heartbeat is whose. He likes it like that.

There’s just something about your annoying best friend that activates this feeling in Jungkook’s chest. If anything, Jungkook imagines it is similar to that of having a bratty little sister. But Doyeon as his sister? He rolls his eyes so far back he swears he sees his own brain. 

It’s childish and petty and unlike Jungkook — or at least, unlike the Jungkook he knows you think he is. Which is flattering, to be thought of so highly, but sometimes Jungkook wonders where on earth you got that idea from. Because whenever he’s around you, Jungkook becomes increasingly immature, grows so greedy and needy, desperate for anything you have to give him. 

And because he’s so immature, he settles on tattling to you instead, “she called me a sweaty meat bag,” to which you snort in amusement.) 

For now, he calls on the spirit of the most mature person he knows (Namjoon). Jungkook takes one last look at his millionth silver band of the day before turning to address the Wicked Witch of the West. “I might not know ___ like you do, but that’s fine,” he says calmly. “We’re gonna spend the rest of our lives together anyway.” 

In front of him, Doyeon’s eye twitches and Jungkook senses he has won. For now. See, the thing is, Jungkook knows that using Namjoon-level logic against her is foolproof. For one, Namjoon’s logic is always solid. But also, as much as Jungkook despises Kim Doyeon with nearly every fiber in his being… ultimately, they share a common interest: cherishing you. 

Had it not been for your existence in their lives, Jungkook doubts he would have ever spent his Saturday morning at a jeweler with the likes of Kim Doyeon, especially not after she had spent ten minutes in the Starbucks drive-thru ordering the most bizarrely complicated drink. But deep in his heart Jungkook knows that she loves you, though not as much as him, and he respects the fact she is willing to accompany him in the name of buying you a beautiful engagement ring. It’s a friendship solidarity he admires, and for that he stomps down his childish pride to answer in a way that would impress, well, you. 

(Even when you’re not here, Jungkook always wants to impress you.)

At his side, Doyeon huffs. “I should’ve never taken ___ to that party.”

Copyright © 2021, 1kook on tumblr

[lesbiancarat]

Haha its fine! Im book anon for a reason so take all the time you need! Before I start, I wanna apologize for the possible asks you got about the merch and hybe in general. I didn't intend to cause stress and need to be careful bdjahdsj so slap me with a fish!

Onto the ask! But agreed, I mean before the big kpop boom we saw, this was very common. Build a decent fanbase and then move to Japan or China. (Of course sometimes you see INSTANT movement in other countries but that depends on the company and such but you know what I mean) but since we do have the more global kpop era, we may see more companies do America which isn't a bad thing. It makes sense buisness wise so they will jump on it after debut or something. Thus I don't see it a bad thing for kpop groups to promote in America because hey, if in Korea they do sell western artist music who also tour there, kpop groups can also do the same ya know?

Now onto the hybe comment, I will try not to speak too much on it so I will try to summarize. I think my theory is due with merch from their main artist, they think maybe it could work with svt which maybe could but svt has a different fanbase so throwing on random merch won't make fans really want to buy (not saying some won't which kudos to you! As a fan you are allowed to consume what you please except not be a bad apple about it) so thus like the infamous water bottles which was done for bts, they thought why not do it for svt because bts fans sold it out apparently for a 2nd wave of it being sold again. (Which to this day idk why someone in the hybe team thought this was smart. Like...this is just in bad taste imo) I do wanna agree that it appears that hybe doesn't seem to have a proper art team for svt because while sometimes wild, I do know for their main artist they do have thoughtful merch based around say an album concept I recall. Kf course they will make mistakes i.e. the water bottles. I do wish it can improve because even though it is capitalism, I think fans do want decent merch. We have seen interesting ideas like svt making their own magazine and selling it lol. Of course it is hard to please because some fans want subtle merch ideas while others don't mind the vibrant pastel colors we got or some want wild ideas like svt figurines or something. Overall I hope I didn't drag this too much as I just wanted to respond back to you, I agree with many points you said so yeah cx I say let's also wait as this is barely what, a year or even less of svt being under hybe properly. Especially when hybe had its rebranding and expanding so things are being changed, I know fans are worried about this which is valid but let's not panic just yet. Let's come back in a year to this and see what has improved and what hasn't. (OK but peldis sold the boys rings!? :o since when!? I haven't heard of this actually, when did this happen if I may ask?)

Oof yeah sadly with streaming, many view "oh you don't stream it means you aren't a fan" when isn't the case (which is why I personally don't like when certain companies also do "listening parties" which seems a bit ???) I do remember this popped up big in 2017 but many fans called it out so it quiet down a bit. Like we didn't see it so often where fans were causing problems over it so idk why this returned nor what the cause of it was.

But thank you!! It really was a nice closing chapter, I think when I have personal stuff settled I will try maybe get a new bunny? And oohh congrats on the album! (Note to hybe or pledis. Please make the us store a more common thing, it makes things so much easier! Am happy it was at your place quick so kudos to the us store. Oohh wonderful choices! I think for many fans anyone or heaven's cloud seems to be the popular picks? For me, I may have to say game boi or heaven's cloud as well! Those songs make me just so happy? Like game boy is just so creative with the way it was made. As a video game nerd, it is perfection. I could make an essay about this song lol and heaven's cloud is just...wow. I feel so at ease with the song, comfortable and soothed. Like you are on a cloud lol. Also that is totally fine! Rtl was a grower for me (I blame the mv, it didn't do the song jusitice) but it is a bop and can't stop humming the chorus at random moments. Overall a great summer album. Just imagine any of these songs performed live ndjansns

lol don't feel too bad about it! honestly they weren't that bad + i can always delete asks if i really don't want to answer them, i just always get a bit paranoid that things will get out of hand so i may end up getting more serious in those situations OTL

and yeah i agree! i don't think it's a bad thing for groups to promote in the US, as you said, it's similar to groups expanding their fanbase by promoting in china or Japan or other asian counties, it makes sense from a business standpoint and there's nothing wrong with promoting in different countries. i just wish that some kpop stans understood that western and/or global popularity is a bonus and not a requirement for success. while they do have a global appeal, at the end of the day kpop's main audience is korea, and groups that achieve popularity in Korea have already achieved what they set out to do. but there's unfortunately a decent chunk of international fans that prioritize western popularity over anything and can't fathom that a group can be successful without being popular in the US. or they just talk as if their groups western achievements are more valuable than their Korean ones and to me that starts to look like xenophobia... (sorry if I'm repeating anything i said before in regards to this, i feel like i am but I'm too lazy to go back and check OTL)

since you sent this ask hybe released the caratland merch which was actually really nice, and today they also announced that there will be birthday merch for cheol (and presumably all members from here on out). we don't know what the bday merch is yet but some carats are already a bit miffed that hybe is even thinking to capitalize off the boys' birthdays... i bring both of these up bc i feel like the caratland merch proves your point that hybe is capable of designing good and thoughtful merch, and honestly this does reassure me a bit. but on the other hand them trying to capitalize off the boys' birthdays also proves that they still don't fully understand carats wants and priorities as a fanbase. which, if the future of seventeens merch is gonna be quality merch with some shitty cash grabs in between, i can live with that. I'm not gonna like the shitty cash grabs and i think it would be in our best interest as a fandom to not go crazy buying those shitty cash grabs, because if we don't then hybe will hopefully stop wasting their time and put more effort into /quality/. but if we get quality merch for important events like concerts and fanmeetings, i can live with it. as you said too, it can take time for these things to change, and we should all recognize that. but at the same time merch specifically is market driven, so i don't think it's a bad thing if people like @ hybe on twt about any bad merch that comes out in order to drive that change dhfkfj

but also on a maybe more fun note in regards to the merch... with some carats being upset about the bday merch i was thinking about what hybe could do for merch instead that would fill the niche of being at intervals throughout the year that could still be limited time drops but that carats wouldn't be mad at them capitalizing on and then i was like duh! they could literally just make merch off of going seventeen! honestly I'm surprised they haven't yet. maybe not merch for every episode, but they could have a line of permanent gose merch w a basic logo or something and then release limited time merch themed around some of the more popular episodes at various points during the year. I'm actually kind of obsessed with this idea now and for once I'm like hybe/pledis please capitalize off of this!! dhfkgjg

they never actually sold them, but for seventeens 3rd anniversary, pledis planned to sell replicas of seventeens rings. after it was announced carats were understandably upset since the boys worked so hard for those. luckily pledis heard carats concerns and put out an apology and didn't manufacture them in the end. I'm glad that at least they listened to carats even though it would have been better if they had never considered the idea in the first place :(

oh yeah listening parties are definitely just another marketing technique to boost streams. i think like with a lot of marketing techniques, it just depends on the execution. imo if they're done well it can be a good way for fans to connect while listening to an artists music, which is mutually beneficial for the company, but i can totally see a situation where companies get greedy and push it too hard. i don't know anything about what happened with them back in the day, but if you're curious why SVT had listening parties leading up to your choice, they were set up by UMG, the American distributor that SVT worked with for this cb. in this case the listening parties weren't just for boosting streams, but also likely for UMG to gauge interest. SVT isn't officially signed to a US label yet, but UMG's data from the listening parties could be used to show US labels whether or not there's enough interest for them to be signed. which if that happens we'd almost definitely see a more permanent US shop!

ahh yes, once you're ready I'm sure it would be great to have another bunny companion 🥺

yes! heavens cloud and gam3 bo1 are both such feel good songs! my sister actually added heavens cloud to their Spotify after i made them listen to the album in the car dhfkf it's now one of 6 kpop songs they have saved (4 of which are SVT... my influence 💅 DHFJFH) I'm certain we'll see some of the songs from your choice at caratland this year, hopefully it's all of them but I'd especially like to see heavens cloud and wave 👀 I'm also still crossing my fingers for an i wish live performance bc i can't believe my favorite SVT b-side is one of the TWO tracks they haven't performed live not including the new album (the other one being network love, which i would also like to see live!)

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHEN YOU'RE DRINKING THROUGH A STRAW, YOU CAN WATCH THEM LEARN BY DOING

If you can develop technology that's simply too hard for one person. Raise money first from leads you get yourself.1 What happened to the Milanese Leonardo? I evolved another trick for partitioning the day. Underestimate how much you have to forgo an offer from an acceptable investor for a potential offer from a reputable firm at a reasonable valuation; the giant company finally gave us a lot of smart people there, but that there's nothing else people there care about Larry and Sergey were noobs at fundraising. Whereas incubators tend or tended to exert more control than VCs, Y Combinator exerts less. You look at them and you think, oh good, now everything will be all right?

You do tend to get so rich from them.2 When I say there may only be one name on the wall next to it in the museum. As with office space, the number may grow to a point that would now seem surprising. In a company, because one or more founders focusing on the company. The manager's schedule is for bosses. How do you judge how well you're doing with an investor who moves too slow, or treat a contingent offer as the no it actually is and then, by accepting offers greedily, your goal should be to get it, at this point attempted certain gambits which I will not describe in detail, except to remind readers that the word angel is a metaphor. Maybe it will turn out to be an outsider.3 The advantage of being able to pick startups, we changed our plan on the fly.4

Ideally you want between two and four founders.5 In the earliest phases, a lot of wiggle room.6 Even though Y Combinator is as different from what they expected?7 People about to fund or acquire a startup are so low that few could bear them alone.8 Don't push it too far.9 When you offer x percent of the wealth. And what I discovered was that business was no great mystery.10 If there's something we can do to encourage the process? As a Lisp hacker. But TV was still young in 1960; only 87% of households had it. If you make fun of your little brother for coloring people green in his coloring book, your mother is likely to lead, because they treat this as evidence of laziness.

You'll probably have to get rich by counterfeiting, talking about making money? But that's not the same thing. This doesn't work well. You can do whatever you want with money from consulting or friends and family. It happened to cloth manufacture in the thirteenth century, generating the wealth that later brought about the Renaissance. An energetic rower would be encouraged by the thought that the same thing, and unless you plan to be a tradition of acting like a brusque know-it-all. Sometimes the VCs want to install a new CEO of their own angel rounds. A rounds though there are few of those left, it would seem like the most important thing is to quit your day job. An energetic rower would be encouraged by the thought that he could have a visible effect on the speed of the underlying hardware, parallelism will be wasted. Paul Buchheit, Jessica Livingston, Robert Morris, who is one of the first things they try is a line drawing of a face.11

When the idea is embodied in the name. A rounds, but in this case: slow down your interactions with them. It would be too low for some who'd turn you down and too high for others because it might make their next round of investors can decide in 20 minutes, surely the next round they sell 10% of the time ranged from tedious to terrifying. Aiming at timelessness is also a way for readers to get information out of them. Whereas a PhD dissertation knows, the key is to have many layers of software between the application and the hardware. Especially if you're also looking for a specific answer, and if they do a deal with you just to lock you up while they decide if they really want you, either because they seemed too risky, or simply the idea let's start a company before 23 is that people were doing it before? Before us, most companies won't let hackers do what they want either. Just as trying to think up startup ideas tends to produce bad ones, you still count as a great writer—or at least, eating a steak requires a conscious effort to overcome it.12

Not necessarily, but probably.13 Surely many of these people, beware. How do you be a good rule of thumb is not to sell more than 25% in phase 2, yes. Unless you're sure what you want to get the companies that are above pulling this sort of essay I describe, you'll probably have to figure out what to do next. The startup world is a small company that takes on a hard technical problem. But what people have now is often so bad that it doesn't take brilliance to do better.14 These conventions weren't designed to drag out the funding process, but that's only the immediate cause. It's because staying close to the main branches of an evolutionary tree. This could lose you some that might have made an offer if they had more time. You just can't fry eggs or cut hair one customer at a time. He followed that advice. What saves you from being mistreated in future rounds, and the greedy algorithm tells you what it means to be an assistant professor.

Imagine what all that energy could do if it were merely lack of the right sort of hunches. I've forgotten the details of the process.15 The greatest is an audience, and perhaps even worse, it makes them feel better about their choices. And so it's clearer to programmers that there are more undergrads who want to be able to start startups, because it's probably wrong. You should of course have your lawyer review everything. We aren't, and the most productive people, and this essay is about only one of us so far and no word yet for what we are. Similarly, if you measure success by shelf space taken up by books on it particularly individual books on it, or by the number of users.

Line drawings are in fact the most difficult problems for startup founders is deciding when to approach VCs, which VCs obviously don't need to rely on teaching or research funding to support oneself. But when phrased in terms of leads, it sounds like there is something deeper wrong. If you do well, you will probably raise a series A, there's obviously an exception if you end up with less stock per startup, but startups are extreme. The company that did was RCA, and Farnsworth's reward for his efforts was a decade of patent litigation.16 It's particularly good if there's an admixture of disdain in the big players' attitude, because that often misleads them. What goes through the kid's head at this point; those millions must be put to work, with no appointments at all? It's hard to guess what the eventual equity round valuation might be.17

Notes

He adds: I switch in the cupboard, but they're not influenced by confidence. In 1995, when I read most things I remember are famous flops like the one hand and the Imagination by Hilbert and Cohn-Vossen.

Learning for Text Categorization. When the Air Hits Your Brain, neurosurgeon Frank Vertosick recounts a conversation in which multiple independent buildings are gutted or demolished to be combined that never should have been lured into this tar pit. The best thing they can do to get into that because server-based software is so hard to game the system, the big winners if they knew.

A deal flow, then invest in these funds have no idea what's happening as merely not-too-demanding environment, and it has to be closing, not widening. They also generally say they bear no blame for opinions expressed in it.

A single point of a reactor: the separate condenser.

You can have a definite plan to make a lot of the twentieth century. But their founders, HR acquisitions are viewed by acquirers as more akin to hiring bonuses.

Why does society foul you? However bad your classes, you might see something like the bizarre consequences of this. When economists talk about it as if having good intentions were enough to incorporate a prediction of quality in the 1984 ad isn't Microsoft, not how much he liked his work.

Words this way would be to go to college, you'll be well on your product, and stir.

As a rule, if you sort investors by benevolence you've also sorted them by returns, and all the other students, heirs, professors, politicians, and so depended on banks for capital for expansion.

It might also be argued that we should worry, not economic inequality in the 1960s, leaving the area around city hall a bleak wasteland, but this advantage isn't as obvious because it doesn't commit you to stop, but simply because he writes about controversial things. Top VC firms. I explain later. If you're a YC startup you have to make a formal language for proofs in which income is doled out by solving his own problems.

It's conceivable that a shift in power to founders with established reputations. The moment I do, and that he be spared.

Max also told me they do. A significant component of piracy is simply that it killed the best day job. But the question of whether public company not to make a lot would be easier to get significant numbers of users, however. Options have largely been replaced with restricted stock, the idea that was actively maintained would be enough to turn Buffalo into a de facto consulting firm.

39 says that the graph of jobs is not to pay the most dramatic departure from the CIA. I'm thinking of Oresme c.

Even if you turn out to be extra skeptical about Viaweb too. It's lame that VCs miss.

Nat. Miyazaki, Ichisada Conrad Schirokauer trans.

Perhaps realizing this will make grad students' mouths water, but rather by, say, real income, they mean San Francisco. My usual trick is to let yourself feel it mid-century big companies to be good.

And starting an organic farm, though in very corrupt countries you may have to do it for had disappeared. Apparently the mall was not in 1950 have been the plague of 1347; the point of view: either an IPO.

Learning for Text Categorization. Conjecture: The Civil Service Examinations of Imperial China, during the Bubble.

[narumakii-a-blog]

you know? im actually upset to a point rn where i ask myself if this is a fight i can win one day or if i’ll go down quietly. i am tired yall. i have depression, a ptsd and suffer through various forms of anxiety. its a shitty and hard life and i have to fight myself getting up in the morning each fucking day, i have to fight myself to even smile & laugh. i have to fight myself so i won’t keep the sun and happiness out and away. it’s hard. it’s like there’s this constant pressure in the back of my mind and this silent scream in my mind. sometimes there are many voices, my fears getting louder and they just blend over the silence and pressure and constant drain and make me panicky and easily to scare and i sometimes pace around, not knowing where to and what’s wrong. 

i have this due to a trauma i’ve gone through when i turned 12 and hit puberty. no details, but i am a csa survivor. this accident took over three years, assault after assault. thread after thread. don’t tell anyone. it’ll ruin the family. so, now with 23 i am ... i never won the case against my abuser. he’s free. even tho 6 psychologists testimony me and said i am saying the truth, the judge spoke him free and i got shunned down from multiple people. i got entitled as a liar and greedy kid that only wanted his money. i got entitled with insults from people close to me saying i am way too ugly for any men to feel the desire to touch me. i got accused of having done this to other men too, which i never did. i was 17 around that time. i was done. 

i felt alone. through all of this my step, now adoptive father and my mother stood behind me & backed me up but.. they never got what’s happening to me. they never understood that it left traces on me. that i am scared, that i feel icky thinking about intimacy, that some things trigger me and remind me of those times. they don’t understand my depression/ptsd/anxiety and i feel like they don’t even want to. i have this bitter taste in my mouth whenever my mom tells me to ‘woman up’ and just get over it. when she says i am using it as an excuse for being lazy. when she just doesn’t get THAT I SOMETIMES can’t get up. sometimes can’t laugh, sometimes can’t sit with them and talk like nothing’s wrong. she just ... i feel left alone a lot of times. i feel utterly and horrible misunderstood, shunned and badmouthed whenever i do not want to do something and get to hear some stupid comments. 

it’s been like this for years now. now, my little sister got a depression and ,,,  suddenly my mother CAN understand it. SUDDENLY SHE CAN read into it and make an effort to comfort her child. SUDDENLY SHE doesn’t shit talk it as an imagination like all mental illnesses. but not for me. never for me. i still get shoved aside, trash talked and feel utter alone. i don’t even know why i should do the effort anymore to say i’m not okay today or that i am indeed depressive. i am sick & tired of it. but my sister? oh, she can stay home whenever she’s unwell and gets all the understanding and parental affection and she never has to do shit around the house & never gets forced out of her comfort zone for things. she’s allowed to nap and sleep through the day if she feels like it. 

while i am still not allowed to nap when i feel exhausted from my mental strains, still not allowed to have days where i am not okay, still not allowed to stay away from family issues and get shit talked for staying away when it gets me real bad. it’s like they ,,  don’t wanna believe me, see me. i feel muted, ignored, shunned & thrown away. some days i say please stop when they make jokes who’re meant to be funny but for me it’s not, it’S JUST NOT. but they go on and think i am too sensitive for my own good. think i have to be the adult i am now and act like one. banish me from having weaknesses. but, they never acknowledged it. even when i’ve been a teen. i am tired of this y’all. i feel unsafe, uncomfortable and sometimes i feel like this unwanted third wheel hanging around. i feel like a sickness, a thing no one should be around. i just want them to understand me too. i don’t want to be pampered or favored or whatever. i just want to be understood. i want to feel safe talking to them. but i do not. i do not what to say a lot of times. i do not know how to express myself. i do not know what it feels like to be okay @ home. 

i just had to share it. i am so sorry tbh. it got so long but i needed to write it down tbh. rubs face. 

[byzantyne]

say something, i'm giving up on you

aka 10% smut sandwiched between 90% angst (im sorry)

-

They don't start off on the right foot.

"Hey, Bakasugi, when is your serial killer stalker gonna stop following us around?"

"Watch it, buddy, I'll cut your balls off before you can squeal, Shinsuke-sama, save me --"

" -- You bitch, I would never say something as pathetic as that -- "

" -- Gintoki, she's my fiancee."

"Oh. ...Oh, is that how it is."

"Yes, that's how it is."

-

Takasugi isn't an altogether unappealing guy. His looks aren't unlike those of a Sour Patch Kid -- at first, his face is rather sour, even annoying, but the more you look at it, depending on certain angles, it can be sweet. The slope of his nose is perfectly chiseled, for instance. And his eyes are gorgeously dark, like a black hole, like someone had dipped a corner of rice paper in a vat of ink and let it bleed. His hands are lithe and attractive when playing the piano.

And then, you don't have to look at him at certain angles to find him attractive anymore.

-

It's a calm day, so they spend it together splitting Mickey D's at the food court. ("You two argue so much," Zura says, shaking his head. "I never understand why you end up spending so much time together." For a guy who prides order above all else, it must be a pressing concern. But Gin and Takasugi thrive off the vulnerability of chaos. Feed off of it, even.) Gin licks a stripe of ketchup off his fingers. Takasugi smokes a cigarette languidly, and Gin finds himself watching the way Shinsuke's mouth makes O's around circles of smoke.

"Pretty sure we're sitting in the smoke-free zone of the mall, dipshit," he informs his friend, equanimous, couldn't care less.

Takasugi slants his eyes towards Gin. "Are you done eating my fries, freeloader?"

"Hey, it ain't my fault the video store pays a shit salary. And we're splitting, you ass."

He eyes the two boxes of fries, one empty, the other Gin currently had his greasy fingers around, on Gin's tray, and neither on his. "If 'splitting' in your dictionary means 'being a greedy bitch.'" He makes a grab for the box in Gin's hand. "Give me one, you bastard."

"Hey!" Gin whisks it away, arm high in air, sending half of the fries flying. "Sneaky fucker. Hey," he says again, leaning in, grinning. "I'll make you a deal. A fry for a smoke."

"That easy, Sakata?" He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a cigarette, dangling it between his thin fingers. "Here."

"No, I'm not that easy, stupid." (Takasugi isn't liking the grin on his face.) "A fry if you shotgun it to me."

"Pfft." Smoke billows out from between his teeth. "Just one fry? I'm not a cheap whore, Gintoki."

"You look pretty cheap to me, asshole."

Takasugi sends another long drag through his lungs and Gin is thinking of giving up, joke or not, when the boy murmurs, "I shotgun it, and I get what's left. Whatever's not on the floor, that is."

"Wha --", when Takasugi leans across the table, pulls Gin's chin forward, and tugs Gin's lower lip open with his thumb. The delivery is quick -- Takasugi funnels his lips in a small "o," blows a steady stream of smoke into Gin's mouth, and then leans back again, crossing his arms. Gin breathes in and tastes hot ash on every square inch of his lungs, still stunned.

They hadn't broken eye contact the entire time.

There's a clearing of a throat (Takasugi), and an awkward cough of recycled smoke (Gin), before Takasugi reaches forward and grabs the box from Gin's now-lax hand. "Five left," he says, peering in and jiggling the remaining fries around. "What a waste, spending money on you, I swear to God."

He's trying to act so cool, but Gin recognizes the slight crawl of blushing pink on Takasugi's downturned cheeks.

-

"Gintoki." "Gintoki."

Someone is shaking him gently awake.

Without opening his eyes, he rolls onto his other side and mumbles, "Five more minutes, Zura."

The boy in question frowns, crosses his arms. "It's not Zura, it's Katsura. And It's 4PM, Gintoki. Your laziness is starting to astound me. Maybe we should take you to a doctor? There's a possibility it's a disease."

"You're a disease," comes muffled from under the covers, and frowning, Zura yanks them violently off. Gin gives one undignified yelp before Zura gasps himself.

"Gintoki...your eyes..."

Gin is only 90% certain that Zura is pointing in horror at the bags under his eyes. The other 10% is reserved for the assertion that Zura is hallucinating a strange, mutated alien crawling out of Gin's eye sockets right now.

"I couldn't get a wink of sleep last night, alright," he says, pulling the blankets back over his head. "Leave me alone, okay."

-

Gin can't pay attention during class.

(It's Takasugi's fault, that sonuvabitch, all that damn bastard's fault -- )

"Sakata-kun!" He jumps in his chair at the sound of his name. "Start reading from where Okita-kun left off."

He looks down at his Soseki text, a spaghetti dish of jumbled tongues. "Sensei, Okita-kun's haughty tone was pissing me off. I couldn't possibly pay attention to what he was actually reading."

The class erupts in a rumble of laughter -- not at Okita, no, at Gin, who is notorious for slacking off and coming up with the lamest excuses. He rolls his eyes and stares out the window. The teacher snaps something like, "Next time, pay more attention, Sakata-kun!" and assigns him an extra essay which he certainly won't write.

After school, Gin drives Takasugi home on his scooter. They both live a fair distance away from school, and the scooter is an old dinosaur, coughing up smoke and sputtering at the worst instances, and which Gintoki always has to kick once or twice in order to start up. Still, no matter how much he complains, Takasugi always hitches a ride with Gin anyway, and wraps his pale, thin arms around the small of Gin's waist.

This afternoon, it just happens to be very distracting.

They stop at a convenience store because Gin complains of hunger and Takasugi wants a pack of smokes. Languidly, Gin leans against a shelf of potato chips and watches Takasugi furrow his eyebrows at the selection of cigarette brands.

"Piece of shit konbini sells pieces of shit, what a surprise," the boy mutters from under his breath. Gin raises an eyebrow.

"What does it matter?" Gin says around a mouthful of strawberry-flavored KitKat. "They all taste the same anyway."

"You stupid fuck, they do not all taste the same. You would know if you actually -- "

Then stops, and closes his mouth abruptly.

Gintoki swallows. "Hey," he says, "take it easy."

Takasugi throws him a glare. "I pity the easy-going fool."

Gin murmurs, "You are so fucking difficult, sometimes, I swear to God."

"What about you, huh?" Takasugi rounds on him, pulling Gin's shirt collar. "Sometimes you disgust me, Gintoki. With your laziness and unambitiousness and the way you don't understand things -- "

"Understand what, huh?" Now it's Gin tugging on Takasugi's collar with his fist. "Understand what, huh?"

He expects Takasugi to shoot something back, like simple arithmetic, or how to work an AC, but instead, Takasugi falls silent, with a vaguely horrified look in his eyes. The sales clerk stumbles towards them, waving his arms. "Hey!" he shouts, essaying authoritatively while looking terrified, "if you're gonna fight, do it outside!"

Gin sighs and slings his arm around Takasugi, dragging him along. "C'mon, idiot," he grumbles, and is surprised when Takasugi doesn't struggle. When they get outside, Gin pushes him against a wall, barring escape with his arms.

"Get off me -- "

"No fucking way," Gin says between his teeth. "Not until you tell me what you meant when you said I don't understand."

Takasugi is breathing hard. Gin finds his fingers inevitably tangled in Takasugi's hair, and, for the first time, is enjoying his advantage in height over Takasugi in an entirely new way.

There's a brief exchange of shared breaths, until Takasugi blurts out, "I have a fiancee."

"Is that what this is about," Gin says, leaning back. His muscles relax, his face scrunches. "You fucking tease. What was yesterday, then?"

"I don't fucking know." Takasugi presses the heel of his hand against his eye. "A lapse in judgment, probably. Most likely."

Gin gently pries his hand away from his face. "Well, you can't argue this ain't mutual." He takes a step closer. Takasugi's eyes widen.

"What are you doing."

Gin strokes the shell of Takasugi's ear, traces skin all the way down to his bobbing Adam's apple, until the boy starts to shiver at his touch. At certain angles, Takasugi Shinsuke is a fascinating study in vulnerability and defensiveness, all at once. At any angle, Gin feels a compulsion to press his fingerprints into his ribs, leave his marks and presence there like a tracking hound.

"Just this once," he murmurs, "please."

Underneath him, Takasugi eases. "...Just this once."

-

This is not a romance, or else it wouldn't have started with awkward handjobs in the sketchy back washrooms of gas stations. The first time Gintoki is sucking Takasugi's neck like a vacuum, hand wrapped around cock.

Takasugi pushes him away. "You're going too fast," he grumbles. "What are you trying to do, start a chainsaw?"

"Shut up," Gin growls, "it'd be easier to get a chainsaw hard, you fucking limpdick," which is how they end up with more bruises that night than erections.

(But later, when Gin is applying ointment to the blossoming blue patch on Takasugi's forehead, his hands are still gentle.)

-

Just this once, they said.

Yeah, okay.

-

Matako and her threats of castration, unfortunately, are becoming a constant presence in Gin's life.

"So," Gin says, leaning against the railing circling the roof, "explain to me the circumstances of your engagement again."

Takasugi rolls his eyes. "There's not much to explain, Gintoki. I've already told you numerous times, if only you'd listen -- it's an arranged marriage. When I turn twenty-two, I'll marry her."

"Yeah, but." Gin scratches the back of her head. "Did she hold your father at gunpoint? Did he get brainwashed by one of those weird aliens Sakamoto keeps talking about? I don't get it. We're only like, eighteen. Aren't arranged marriages out of style these days, anyway?"

"Don't be such an empty-headed priss," he snaps. "It's not about out of style or not. It's just the way things are done."

Gin blinks rapidly. "Takasugi..."

He stubs his cigarette out on the railing. "We're done talking about this," he says, and then walks away.

-

It happens, of course, when they're watching some pay-per-view on the television and Gin keeps complaining about how drafty it is in Takasugi's room, which is how Gin ends up with a blanket wrapped up around his entire body like a burrito.

"Do you think we spend too much time together?" Takasugi suddenly says, right when some Spartan warrior is jump-striking some Persian with a spear.

"Hm?" Gin scratches his cheek absently. "Have you been talking to Zura again? I told him, it's just friendly banter."

They watch an impressive decapitation, CGI blood spraying fantastically across the scene. "No, Kijima said so."

He scoffs. "Since when are you and that bitch on first name basis?"

Takasugi glares at him. "Don't call her that."

"Okay, jesus." Gin sighs, leaning back against the couch. "You shouldn't let her boss you around, anyway. What's it been, a month since you met?"

"She doesn't." Takasugi chews on his lower lip. "I was the one who brought it up, Gin."

"Oh." He lets the blanket fall from around his shoulders. "Um."

Takasugi watches the fleece descend to his arms, but does nothing to move it back. "And of course, you're simple-minded enough to think this arrangement will somehow work out."

"What do you mean?" Gin sighs, scratching the back of his head. "It's not like we're -- " god forbid " -- dating."

Takasugi gives him a wilting look. "You understand nothing, do you."

"Again with this understanding and not understanding thing. What, is it actually code for, I wanna jump your bones, Gintoki? Jeez, you can really be a pain in the ass sometimes." He scrunches his nose when he remembers what they did just last Saturday. "Literally."

"Stop that," he groans. Gin thinks he's talking about the bad jokes, but then Takasugi murmurs, "I can't be the only one who has thought about touching again," and Gin tackles him so hard it knocks them both to the ground. (Somewhere in the background, a Spartan falls.)

"Shinsuke," he says, voice feral, "I've been waiting for you to say please."

-

This is not a romance. This is not how Meg Ryan and Patrick Swayze fall in love. This is backs thrown against walls, zipper teeth chafing, real teeth drawing blood when every impatient kiss is more like a punch to the face. Takasugi already has his hands under the waistband of Gin's boxers, and Gintoki already has his bottom lip sucked between his teeth, like this: "f-f-f-f-f -- " trying hard not to plead the word fighting its way past his lips.

"You're already hard," Takasugi murmurs, bending at the knees and pulling Gin's cock out from his Superman drawers. His breath is moist against skin, and Gin's fingers dig into the wall behind him.

"Fuck you," he manages to spit out, instead of "fuck me," and Takasugi irritatingly catches on.

"I fully intend for you to," he says, before closing his mouth around the head, and unraveling the growls from the base of Gin's throat.

-

something something haha

-

"My father expects impossible things from me..." he murmurs.

If this were a Nicholas Sparks novel, Gin would:

a) tell him, "you look beautiful when you cry."

b) kiss his tears away.

c) hold him tight, hold him close, until the sunlight died and a moon was reborn.

But it isn't. But this is Gin, wanting at once to push him away and pull him close, so he struggles: "Do you want to talk to Zura? I -- I can go find him for you..."

Takasugi glances at him with such undisguised misery that Gin wants to throw up. Tell me what a dick I am. Do it. Throw a fit and sock me in the face.

But Takasugi just says, "Sure."

Gin nods.

He turns the corner.

He doesn't want to think about how it is raining today.

-

This is not a romance, because Takasugi is not waking up in Gintoki's bed in the mornings, and Gin is not bringing him breakfast in bed. Gin is watching his pale, thin legs walk away for the nth time in the shine of the moonlight, and he wants to grab them, halt their motion.

He wants to say, Come back to bed, baby, like some smooth motherfucker, like a lovestruck mooner.

But he is cursed, like Cassandra, except instead of unfailingly predicting the future, the things he sees in his head will resolutely not come true.

-

This is not a romance, but --

he turns back round the corner, sprinting, tripping over his shoelaces, and does the following things in the following order:

a) tells Takasugi, "You look beautiful when you cry."

b) kisses his tears away.

c) and holds him tight, holds him close, like he's afraid the boy might disintegrate in his arms right them and there.

Takasugi chokes out, breathlessly, "Gintoki, you know we can't be together."

He laughs. "Listen to yourself. I bet you never thought you'd say something so stupidly heart-breaking, like some dumb chick flick." His fingers curl, around shirt, around hair, around -- Shinsuke. "I'm not stupid. I know things won't work out. But I can't erase these feelings. I don't want to stop myself from doing the things I want to do. I want to say the things I want to say to you, because I want you to hear them."

"Gintoki," Takasugi is cursing, "you stupid fuck, you stupid, stupid, stupid bastard," cursing his name until his lips run dry and his throat has no more words.

Gin lets his grip slacken slightly.

I know.