#'oh Jill that's so funny!'

[woozapooza]

😍🫶🥰👏👸🏻🌟💖 Dr. Melfi 💖🌟👸🏻👏🥰🫶😍 in season 5

[juststuffshere]

this came to me in a dream

[vaaaaaiolet]

You take it upon yourself to spice up your husband's work lunches at Rebecca's encouragement, and Leon nearly dies in the process. Is Hello Kitty really a killer? Leon, for one, is convinced she's up to no good.

f / m, you're married to older leon!, crack treated seriously, fluff, slice of life, the dso is just one big happy family because i said so, bento boxes and happy ending but maybe not for chris (i still love my peanut buster king)

word count: 1.4k // read on ao3

a/n: inspired by rrcherrypie's hello kitty bento box video that i watched religiously as a kid. this entire fic is a shitpost tbh LMAO this is my government mandated apology for a story where no one goes anywhere <3 go check it out if you haven't yet!

Ever since his cop days, Leon’s learned that you can’t trust anyone whose hands aren’t in plain sight and well, Hello Kitty’s emblazoned face staring up at him from the kitchen counter doesn’t exactly have hands. Or arms.

Leon scrunches his nose at her and opts to wrap his own arms around your waist instead.

“Doll.”

“Hm?” 

Leon lines the side of your neck with kisses as carrot coins and cucumber slices fall serenely away at your knife. 

“Whatcha doin’?” he prods.

You neatly sweep the vegetables into the Hello Kitty bento box and give your attention-hungry husband a kiss to tide him over, but it’s not quite enough to satiate. Octopus sausages stare back at him with pointy sesame seed eyes, and Leon grows more unsettled by the minute.

He’s done playing nice; gives your hip a pinch. “Come on, you’re killing me here. What’s with all the arts and crafts?”

“Now, before you say anything,” your voice is soft and placating and giving him all the more reason to worry, "‘Becca came by to visit me the other day and said she really liked what I made you for lunch last week.”

“So this is for her?” Leon breathes a sigh of relief. He was starting to thin-

“No, this is for you, silly!”

And you laugh like it’s funny.

“I thought I should start putting in some more effort into your food. You’re away for work so often, and I don’t get to make you nice things as much as I want to.”

Leon chokes a little and looks back down at Hello Kitty’s gleaming metal face. “This is…what I’m taking to work?”

Your face falls. “What, you don’t like it?”

“No, doll, it looks delicious but…you really didn’t have to go all out. Your sandwiches are just fine. I don’t wanna give you the trouble, y’know?” 

“No trouble at all, baby,” you practically sing the words as you twirl to add your knife to a precarious tower of dishes in the sink, “you just say the word, and I can make you bento boxes every week.”

Every week?

You cup a soapy palm to Leon’s cheek as his gaze descends into a thousand-yard stare to rival Hello Kitty’s. “I think your friends might even be excited about your lunch now!”

Oh, absolutely. Chris was going to have a field day.

Chris completely loses his shit as predicted.

“Oh, Leon, it’s adorable,” Rebecca chimes in hopefully as Chris coughs into his fist, “you should have seen how excited she was when I gave her the box!”

The frustrated ceramic click of Leon’s teeth is somehow audible over Chris’ uncivilized howling. “So this was your idea?”

She gives him a sheepish chuckle.

“Rebecca, I thought we were friends,” he pleads as he picks up his metal fork. The team hovers over Leon’s shoulders like vultures to eye what his wife’s made him for lunch. 

To your credit, it’s a mealtime Michelangelo. There are Sanrio-themed rice balls of both the brown and white variety, vegetables neatly cut and festooned with animal picks, a beautifully folded omelet, and the ever omniscient octopus sausages. Hello Kitty’s metal face guards the entire hoard like a gargoyle. It’s enough to make Leon lose his lunch, but he’d have to have some first to cough it up.

He gives the octopus a tentative poke.

“Seriously, Leon, just man up and eat the damn thing.” Jill takes no nonsense as usual, plucking a carrot from the bed of lettuce and tossing it into her mouth. “Chris is just salty he’s having his fifth protein shake lunch of the week.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

It’s never quiet with those two around, but Rebecca gives him an encouraging smile as he gives the octopus a chew. It’s not bad, really. It’s just something about eating something with ey-

Rapid alarm beeps in the main compound snap the team’s attention away from the bento box affair and towards the map in the middle. Rebecca shoots off in her rolling chair to pull up what’s alerting the alarm system, and Hunnigan’s business voice projects into Leon’s earpiece.

“I hope you’ve had a satisfying lunch.” 

He wonders if Hunnigan ever eats as he shoves his bento box into the breast pocket of his leather jacket. 

She, however, is unconcerned. “You’re going to need the energy for the incident we’ve just gotten wind of downtown.”

The situation was supposed to be minor. There were rumors of King Tut’s Curse swirling amongst the museum staff after a rare shipment of Egyptian artifacts, but nobody had taken anything seriously until a janitor walked into the storage room and came back out more dead than alive. Things escalated after the infected janitor wandered into the World War II exhibit and bit the cleaning team there. The staff was horrified, the media was unhelpfully broadcasting the entire thing on live TV, and the DSO had blessedly quieted the whole thing down on that end before directing the case to Leon’s team as a classic T-virus takedown operation.

Easy as pie. Except the undead cleaning crew had gotten ahold of loaded World War II guns, you know, for historical accuracy. 

It’s a cinch for the most part to evacuate the visitors from the museum. Leon ushers terrified middle schoolers out of the exhibits as fast as he can while the rest of his team rounds up the infected, and it’s a routine sweep. He just feels bad for the kiddos.

“But what about the gift sho- AHH!! ” Leon whirls around to see an Infected point a knife bayonet into a terrified sixth-grader’s face. The zombie’s finger pulls back the trigger almost cinematically, and Leon’s not stupid. He’s going to be too late.

The gun fires.

It fires a round directly into his left shoulder as he shoves the kid to safety.

Leon collapses on the ground after shooting the zombie’s head to bits, but his shoulder aches something fierce. Oh God, not again, this time he hasn’t even got Ada to patch him up. He gingerly presses two fingers to the wound and pulls them away to inspect the warm spill of blood, but surprisingly, his fingers come away clean. 

Jill comes running up as he stumbles to his feet. The last of the Infected have been wiped out, she explains frantically, pulling out a roll of gauze, and everything’s secure, but suddenly she stops to peer at his spotless bullet wound.

So it’s not just him. There was definitely a shot, and his shoulder definitely hurts like a bitch. 

But where was the bullet?

You’re chewing your nails down to the quick when Leon walks into the living room later that evening. The quiet shuffle of his shoes falling onto the stand prompts you to smother in him a warm, bakery-scented hug and take him by surprise, but he squeezes you back as much as his shoulder allows.

You sniffle into his leather-clad chest. “I’m so sorry, baby, I just- I saw the news before they stopped the broadcast and I can’t believe they sent you to deal with the riot!”

So that’s what Hunnigan fed the press this time. Practical as always.

“I can’t believe I made you go to work with that stupid lunch,” you carry on, gasping as you spot the bandage peeking through his jacket, “you didn’t like it and you could have died, I’m never-”

“I’m alright, no biggie.” Leon kisses the top of your head, taking you by the arms and sitting you down next to him on the couch. You furiously wipe a tear off your face.

“It’s not alright, I’m never making you anything you don’t like ever again. That bento box is bad juju. I’m telling Rebecca never to buy anything from that shop from now on.”

Okay, so you finally admit the box is creepy. Leon bites back a laugh. 

“Woah, doll, not so fast. You think it’s the box’s fault I got hurt?”

“What else would it be? Today’s the first time you take it to work, and then you get shot on a regular patrol.” You frown as he pulls the Hello Kitty bento out from inside his jacket. “You brought that thing home?”

He chuckles. “Take a look at it. I’ve got you to thank for saving my life.”

You squint at the tin and realize with a startle that a bullet round is lodged smack dab in the middle of Hello Kitty’s yellow nose. Like a goddamn bullseye.

The lunchbox had taken the brunt of the hit, leaving Leon unscathed.

“Incredible.” you breathe out. 

And he’s inclined to agree.

“So, doll,” Leon grins, “got any leftovers for tomorrow? Chris is a really big fan of the octopus things.”

psst, find more of my work here!

comments and reblogs are very much appreciated <3 take care and i love you!

[hollowtones]

my month-late PAX West post (& a catalogue of some things I saw and did and bought in September / late August)

PAX West was very fun this year. It was my first ever PAX and it was my first convention at all in maybe a decade. Any excuse to see friends is a good one & I love hanging out with the RTVS crew whenever I have the time and money to travel. ^_^ I even got to see some friends I've never seen in person before!!! (Thank you to Jill and Evan for the "Petal Crash" pin & thank you to Taxi for stealing my name tag by accident.)

I am very shy, and I have very severe social anxiety that causes me a lot of problems in my day-to-day life, so I almost didn't go to the RTVS meetup. People there were very sweet, though, so I'm glad I did. It feels very heartening to have people come up to you and tell you what the things you've made have meant to them. It was very hard to not cry. LOL

If you stopped by to say hi, thank you very much. I've been thinking about it through all of September and smiling a lot about it. ^_^

The rest of this post is largely pics of things Puzz and I picked up for ourselves. (And a little bit of talking about some other things we did.) I thought it would be fun to catalogue them. I tend to be a little thrifty, so I got to splurge on my wife. LOL

These were mostly things we got for Puzz because I didn't want to worry about lugging things home in a suitcase. But she keeps telling me they're our things, which makes me smile every time I think about it. Some of the pins are for me. I'd like to put them on my backpack... Hopefully they don't fall off. Jackie and Dodogama are friends.

The "Chicory" bag is a bit of a funny story. Puzz and I saw the "Beastieball" booth in the corner of the indie section. Very fun demo. Very cute booth. They have cool merch! I thought I saw Lena Raine working the booth, and I got really shy & nervous about making a poor impression, so I just kind of hid behind my partner. (I wish I had said hi, in retrospect... but we live and we learn...) So we just kind of shuffle off to the merch desk and talk to a very nice man there while we pick up some things. I work up the guts to say that I really like these games and that they mean a lot to me!! The guy says, well thank you, that means a lot to me and the team. Wow! Real swell guy, I'm thinking to myself. A day or two later Puzz and I are out to lunch with some friends and I just suddenly go eyes wide & mouth agape because I put two and two together in my head and realize Oh holy shit that was Greg Lobanov wasn't it. LOL

Puzz found a cheap copy of "999: 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors" for the DS at a retro game store's pop-up. They also had "A Bug's Life" for Game Boy Colour and a strategy guide for "Gex 3", both of which I wish I had picked up.

Mr. Basculin was a gift from Jake. Good news! Mr. Basculin is still alive.

This is all stuff that was given to me as gifts. (Aside from the con badges. They make you pay for those.) You've probably already seen the Bibi that Jake made me. "Chicken Run" was also from him. "Zapper" was from Puzz and the Gumby game (& the Bad Boe sticker) was from Scorpy. These games fuckin suck asshole!!!!!!!!! I'm obsessed with them & I'll cherish them forever. I also got a little rock and a human dog keychain.

I think Scorpy said a fan gave this to him at PAX East to pass to me eventually. I'm having a hard time reading the @ on it, but on the off-chance you see this: thank you so much. Every time I think about it I get a little teary-eyed. I want to get myself a little picture frame for it. (This is the first time someone's given me fanart like this before, and it made me very emotional. LOL)

Puzz and I only got 2-day passes for PAX, so we spent the rest of our time in Seattle hanging out with friends and seeing the sights. I don't feel like digging all the photos out right now, but we went to a really fucking nice jazz club (Dimitriou's Jazz Alley - great ambience, really good food, we saw Keiko Matsui live which was life-changing), we visited MoPOP (I hadn't been in years! It was alright! Puzz had some capital-t Thoughts about the whole place which was fun to listen to!), we rode the trains, I got a big bag of Dicks, we walked around downtown. There was this really nice coffee shop that I keep having dreams about, so I hope I can go back to Seattle soon. (Or at least eventually, next year.) Then we went to Portland for a day to say hi to a friend because the state was nearby.

Then we went back to Puzz's place in California. Then there was a major heatwave & a bunch of wildfires nearby... So we didn't have the chance to get out much in September. But that's okay. We've both been tired lately & I think we both badly needed some dedicated Not Doing Things time. It's just a shame that it was enforced by Dangerous Weather Conditions.

We got to visit some local friends and I got to try out more Bog-Standard Mediocre American Food. (Dunkin Donuts is just Tim Hortons. Olive Garden is kind of scary but the salad was really good and the breadsticks were fine. I had a middling hamburger from Jack In The Box tonight. Their milkshake was very good. I'm sure I'm forgetting others.) I went to a Macy's for the first time and the layout of the store made me have a panic attack. We went for nice walks and saw lots of nice critters and plants. I got to swim! I watched a mediocre PlayStation presentation! I turned 30 years old! Puzz took me to a very fancy and really nice Italian place for my birthday, in case you were worried that I was only eating garbage here. LOL

We got a lot of books.

Maybe too many. Also a Miles Davis vinyl for myself & some Gunpla as an early birthday gift for Puzz. And also the cookbook was a gift from family. But I'm very excited to tuck into more of these, hopefully soon. Some were for me and some were for Puzz but knowing us we're going to go "hey, I liked this one, you check it out" or "hey, I didn't like this one, but maybe you will" for a lot of them. I'm gonna start with "Annihilation" and the game essays book. ("House of Leaves" is a second copy for us, because my copy was originally Puzz's and I wanted them to be able to read it too.) I don't have room in my bags for much more than what I came here with, so we're gonna ship some of the books to each other when we're done reading.

It's been a very nice month... I feel very thankful to have a life full of love like this. I don't think I have anything else to add to this post! Thanks for reading.

[mj0702]

The other Bronze – Pt.7.1

Okay guys... since I'm having just too much fun writing the Beach day, here are about 7k of Beach and we're not done that's why I decided to split Pt.7 into two chapters😉

I hope you have fun with this part - the next one will be coming in a couple of days ❤️❤️

Lucy parked her beloved holy Cupra in a parking deck near the Beach to one have the car away from the sun so it won't heat up so much and two give you some more time to “prepare”. As she killed the engine she turns over to look at you

“Firstly... I'm proud of you for not destroying my Car by pushing any buttons” she grinned and you rolled your eyes playfully “and secondly... it's about a five minute walk to the Beach... it COULD happen that I get recognized by fans... if so, please don't start trouble – most of them are REALLY nice and also really respectful... but you know yourself from previous encounters there are some that are rude...” she said insistently.

“Lucy... it's not the first time I'm out and about with you...” you rolled your eyes annoyed

“You once kicked a man in the knee” your sister raised her eyebrow at you

“He was inappropriate, extremely rude, loud, demanding AND intoxicated...” you defended yourself remembering this encounter

“You were 10” your sister reminded you

“Mills and Jill bought me the biggest ice cream as a reward” you grinned happily at this particular memory

“They always rewarded you for shitty behaviour... he could have hit you... he was fairly drunk” Lucy said rolling her eyes again “but we're not talking about the past... we're talking now... please don't start trouble IF we encounter fans...”

“As long as they're cool, I'm cool” you shrugged your shoulders. Just because Lucy was the older one it didn't mean you couldn't be just as protective of her as she is of you

“I'm able too handle it, okay...” she said insistently again “... I'm not even sure if we run in to them anyway”

“Yeah okay... I TRY to behave” you huffed and opened the door “I take ice cream as payment”

“You can shove that ice cream up your...” your sister started as you smirked at her

“Kinky”

“Stop it” Lucy groaned as she took your bags and locked her car “Stanway turned you into a monster... definitely going to “talk” to her about that”

“If you hurt her I'll leak baby videos of you” you threaten her light hearted

“I know you would” your sister grinned as she laid her arm around your shoulder pulling you into her side and press a soft kiss to your temple “I really missed you Bubs”

“You're too young – never thought I'm going to say THAT but here we are – for Menopause.. what's with the hormonal stuff” you looked at her pulling a face never being one for affection in public

“Just enjoy it, Devils Spawn” Lucy mocked “and remember you can ALWAYS come to me for anything... advice, talking, venting, even if you just need a shoulder to cry on... I'm here Bubs”

“I know” you whispered softly

“Okay... than lets go... as soon as we're close to the Beach you need to stumble a lot... you did that... and you had this loopy grin... uh... and you only called Keira by her name... everyone else had nicknames... Alexia was “pretty spaniard”, Atiana was “flawless spaniard” and Mapí was “colorbook spaniard”...” your sister listed off

“I left out Ona?” you looked confused

“Oh no... she was just “spaniard”... you have another hour to find a new name for her.. and you basically got everyone to scramble around for you... just... hold back with Tana... she is shy anyway and you calling her flawless probably made her a little uncomfortable” Lucy shrugged her shoulders before asking you to told back on the flirty comments towards her teammate

“No flawless spaniard... got it” you nodded seriously – today was for funnies’ anyway

“Good... they won't take you serious if you do it right anyway, so... flirt away if you can justify yourself to your girlfriend if there are clips leaked” your sister grinned evilly

“You are honestly one big bitch” you said bewildered at her implication while she just started laughing pulling you along

Of course Lucy got recognized by some fans on your way to the Beach and she patiently signed and took pictures with all of them while you waited near by. You noticed a small girl – maybe four or five – who looked longingly at your sister. You slowly shuffled towards the girl not to startle her you crouched down next to her

“Hi” you said smiling friendly as the girl just looked at you afraid “What's your name, wee one?”

The girl just keeps staring at you but at least she didn't run or scream so you took that as a win – that's until you remember that you are in Spain where small girls probably don't speak english. You didn't speak spanish.

“Y/N” you tried it the old fashion way pointing at yourself before pointing at her looking at her expectantly smiling

“Bella” she said in a tiny whisper and you smiled wider as she answered you

“Hola Bella” you know opted to sit down next to her on the sidewalk as your sister was still occupied with signing stuff. You decided to “talk” to the girl pulling out your phone for a translation app since your spanish was more than broken – or more non existent.

“Cómo estás” the robotic voice of the App suddenly spoke and you smiled at the girl

“Buena gracias” she answered shyly which you actually understood

“¿Qué estás haciendo aquí solo?” the unpersonal voice said again after you quickly tipped in your question

“Esperanto a Lucia” Bella answered and you tried your best to type in what she said and finally concluded that she said she was waiting for Lucia

“¿Es Lucía tu... hermana? ¿mamá? Tía?” you really became a fan of that App after asking the young girl if Lucia was a relative and she seems to understand what you mean.

“No... Lucía Bronze... ella estás justo ahí” the little girl shook her head and pointed towards your sister.

“oh... OH... Lucy” you said understanding suddenly before typing quickly in your app again “¿quieres conocerla?”

Bellas eyes grow big for a minute before she started to fidget with her fingers looking down ashamed “no tengo un bolígrafo” she said quietly

“Okay... now I need your help, kiddo” you mumbled before holding out your phone to the little girl signalling her to write down what she just said. After a minute she seems to understand and started typing. You waited patiently until she handed your phone back looking at the screen looking up at her surprised

“What you need a pen for?” you said more to yourself than her typing out the question already

You communicated like this for a while and you learned that Bella was actually Isabella she was 5 years and 3 month old, she lived with a lot of children and Signora Viola in a big house, they currently are on an adventure – you looked around and saw a playground near by so you put together that the girl bolted once she saw Lucy and she was a BIG Fan of the Barcelona Femeni. You asked her again if she wanted to go over where you could see your sister wrapping things up and again the little girl got all shy. You told her that there was nothing to be shy about and that “Lucia” was just a normal person like her and you. Isabella shook her head furiously looking at you shocked comparing Lucy to “normal” people. You laughed wholeheartly before holding out your hand offering it to the small girl. After a second she took your hand and you slowly walked over to where a few fans were still standing around your sister waiting patiently.

“Oi Bronze” you yelled from a few feet away grinning widely as all heads turned to you your sister not even bothering to look up where she was signing a picture of – herself

“I said.. OI BRONZE!” you yelled louder as you came closer the little girl half hiding behind your legs

“I don't react to rude fans” your sister said calmly ignoring your presence before smiling for another picture “I thought we talked about it”

“Good thing then that I'm firstly NOT a fan and secondly I have found the most precious fan you'll ever meet” you grinned at your sister carefully pushing the small girl in front of you

“Where is her mother? Please don't tell me you kidnapped a kid” Lucy looked at you pleadingly

“Just... sign something for her it'll make her day... she doesn't have a sharpie tho...” you said and your voice told you're sister that you'll talk later. She trusted you so far that you didn't kidnap a little girl and crouched down to smile friendly at her.

“Hola soy Lucy y tu quien eres?”

“Isabella” the little girl answered shyly and pressed herself against you

“Hola Isabella, ese es un hermoso nombre.” Lucy smiled at the little girl

“Muchas gracias” Isabella mumbled “Mi mamá me lo dios antes de convertirse en ángel”

“Fuck” Lucy mumbled as it dawned on her and she looked at you “She doesn't have a mom?”

“From what I got through the app she's an orphan... and she's a big fan... so.. make her day” you gritted the last part through your teeth smiling down at the girl reassuringly

“Tu mamá eligió el nombre correcto: un hermoso nombre para una hermosa niña” your sister smiled warmly at Isabella “Qué puedo hacer por ti, Conejita?”

“no tengo papel ni lapiz” the girl sounded sad suddenly which made you perk up

“I told you to make her day not to make her sad” you looked at Lucy confused

“She said she doesn't have pen and paper so I think she would like to have an autograph but has nothing where I could write it on” your sister explained looking at you annoyed but her voice didn't show it because she didn't want to give a false impression to the kid

“Can you occupy her for hot minute?” you looked at your sister and she immediately knew you had an idea

“Sure... in comparison to you I speak spanish” she smirking at you

“In comparison to you I look good” you said before pushing Isabella towards your sister smiling at her encouraging

When you were sure the girl was happy enough talking now more freely with Lucy you searched your sisters back for her wallet before grinning brightly as you found it, took some money (a lot to be honest – but hey... she gets a good salary) and went back the way you came from the parking deck. Unknowns to your sister you immediately spotted a Jersey Shop when you exited the parking space and that's where you went. You quickly found the shop again, looking at kid jerseys as a blonde salesgirl walked over to you smiling

“Stalker much?” she asked and you immediately noticed the voice turning quickly on your heels

“Caro?” you asked confused but broke into a smile quickly as you recognized your new friend

“I see you're still alive so your sister didn't kill you?” she smiled

“She was THIS close.. but no.. she didn't kill me – but she overdosed my pain meds and let me made a fool out of myself in front of the whole team” you rolled your eyes

This made the german girl burst out laughing knowing immediately which team you were talking about

“You didn't call me.. or texted...” you said faking sounding hurt

“Yeah... funny story... I paid the Uber with your 20 – forgetting what was on the back of that bill” she said embarrassed

“Are you serious?” you looked at her stunned

“Yeah... sorry” she grinned apologetic

This time it was you bursting out laughing “That is such a Me move”

“You know I'd love to chat more but my store manager is already looking over... so... what can I help you with?” Caro put on a fake smile feeling the eyes of her boss on her

“I need a Jersey... for a five year old... Bronze on the back... and a sharpie if you sell those too” you said quickly as you didn't want to get her into trouble

“Anything you want to tell me?” the blonde grinned at you as she skilfully grabbed a plain Jersey

“Just met a girl... from what I got she's an orphan... she's a fan” you said as she pushed the small jersey into your hand and led you over to the printing station

“With the number?” Caro asked not wanting to push the subject

“Yeah... go all out... my sister is paying” you grinned thankful for the topic change as you held up a bundle of bills

About you 15 minutes later you left the store grinning a small bag in your hand and your sister about 150€ lighter (110 for the jersey and 40€ tip for the staff) but in your bag was a brand new kids Jersey with your sisters name on the back of it. You were still smiling as you rounded the last corner spotting your sister immediately sitting in the shade next to Isabella with an ice cream in her hand. You stopped for a second to take in the scene before quickly taking out your phone snapping a picture before yelling over to them

“OI BRONZE... can I have an autograph?” you grinned as her head snapped up at your voice

“Everything for my biggest fan” she smirked back at you as you walked over to them snatching Lucys ice out of her hand before tossing the bag in her lap

“Sign that and make that girls day” you said as you licked the ice cream “For good heavens... what's that?” you pulled a face making Isabella giggle

“Liquorice and Lavender” your sister answers distracted as she looked into the bag “You bought a Jersey?”

“What is wrong with you??? Are your taste buds this fucked? You have disgusting taste... and yes... I... you... you bought a jersey... a kids one... UWCL version... did you know the jerseys here are freakingish expensive?” you gagged trying to get the taste of the ice cream out of your mouth as Lucy told you you just had a lick of Liquorice ice cream

“I bought a jersey?” Lucy asked you confused as she pulled said item out of the bag

“Yep.. took your money... it's your jersey, so your money” you shrugged your shoulders taking a glance at the small girl who sat beside you silently watching your interaction but became big eyes when she saw the jersey.

“We'll talk about that later” Lucy shot you a glare before signing the Jersey and holding it out to Isabella telling her something in spanish. The small girl first smiled so widely she could have lit up a whole dark alley in seconds. Then she seems to remember something as she retreated a little bit getting a sad look on her face mumbling some spanish words. Lucy frowned at that and for you it looks like she tried to reassure the girl to take the jersey. Suddenly you noticed a woman coming running out of the playground area looking franticly around.

“Luce... I think that's this Viola woman” you nodded towards the woman with your head “I think precious Bella here bolted without telling someone”

It was in the same second as the woman spotted the little girl coming running over quickly rattling spanish words a million miles an hour – which caused you to just look at her bewildered and Lucy at least tried to keep up. Isabella looked down her hands behind her back. You gathered it was a spanish scolding which sounded even worse than all the scolding you received (are still receiving) from your sister.

“What is she saying?” you mumbled leaning slightly towards Lucy not wanting to get caught in the crossfire of that womans rant

“I have no clue” your sister whispered back

“Didn't you tell me you speak spanish?” you teased Lucy under your breath

“If she would speak spanish I would probably understand enough to string together what she's saying... but that's catalan” Lucy answered and you nodded understandingly

The womans head snapped in your direction making you shuffle carefully behind Lucy as the womans look could kill a dead guy. She took a few deep breaths before starting to talk to your sister who looked lost.

“Tell her you speak bad spanish – but not catalan” you nudged her from behind making her pushing back against you roughly but followed your idea talking to the woman in spanish. She seems to understand what Lucy tried to tell her immediately slowing down on the words pronouncing them more clear. The two talked for about five minutes (which you stayed for safety reasons behind your sister – you would easily volunteer her as a tribute if you had to) before Lucy gave the woman the little jersey and it looked like she made her something promise as you made out the words “Isabella” and “Camp Nuo”. Both – the Viola woman as you named her and little Isabella – said their goodbyes before going back towards the playground.

“Soooo... what was that about” you asked after you made sure the woman was gone

“Isabella really bolted – apparently she does this quiet often... and you were right... she's an orphan, lost both her parents about a year ago due to a car accident” Lucy said sadly “This was the housemother... she told me that Isabella is a good kid – very smart... introvert... reads a lot.. and sadly gets picked on a bunch because she's not as outgoing...”

“Luce... you told me once not as long as you play professional” you said your voice low and your sister knew immediately what you meant

“It's just not fair... I was painfully shy when I was younger and she deserves someone to stand up for her and tell her it's okay” your sister replied and you noticed it really bothered her

“I know Lucy... but.... you know yourself” you tried to bring your point across

“Yeah I know...” your sister huffed defeated

“I mean... mom would lose her shit if you come home for Christmas with a little girl calling her “Grandma”... I actually dig it...” you grinned trying lift your sisters mood

“She would definitely go hard on the egg-nog” Lucy mused but you saw a small smile tugging on her lips

“So... when are you going to see Isabella again?” you ask knowingly

“I've invited them to the next game... Viola said she needs to speak to some other people about it and yeah... I hope they can make it happen” your sister shrugged her shoulders

“Will you tell Ona... sorry... will you tell the spaniard about this incident? I really need to get into the headspace of being high” you asked mumbling the last part to yourself

“Maybe... when we have a quiet, uninterrupted moment” Lucy looked at you pointingly

“I slept till nearly lunchtime...” you defended yourself

“And I didn't met Isabella until 30 minutes ago you space cadet” your sister looks at you stunned by your not-logic

“Oh yeah... didn't think of that... uh... ice cream” you started before you got distracted by a small ice cream shop

“You really rock this pretending to be high scenario” Lucy looked at you proudly

“Thank you” you grinned “now... ice cream and then beach?”

“Course” your sister laughed as she pulled a five Euro bill out of her wallet “you really took my money???”

“It's not like I'm working” you shrugged your shoulders turning to the ice cream guy pointing to the two flavours you wanted – Espresso dark chocolate and Speculoos. Your sister paid for your ice cream grumbling under her breath but smiled as she saw how happy you looked with your ice cream cone.

“Bubs... beach rules apply for Barcelona beaches as well, do you hear me” Lucy looked at you intensely

“Awww man come on....” you whined licking away on your ice cream

“No... you don't go into the water without telling either Alexia, Keira, Ona or me... I would say Ingrid too but you haven't met her officially” your sister said stern

“It's the black haired Norwegian... girlfriend of the colorbook spaniard” you grinned being proud of yourself

“How many words did you spoke with Ingrid?” your sister raised her eyebrow as she led you towards Mar Bella Beach

“Ehrm... none?” you wrecked your brain for a second

“Exactly” Lucy grinned “By the way....” she pulled out her phone “... your hour starts... now”

Immediately your whole body language changed sinking against Lucy for support gripping your cone a little tighter starting to stumble along

“Why now?” you whispered

“Because in about 2 meters we're in eyesight...” Lucy whispered back holding onto your side tightly as you rounded the last corner

Just as your sister said you spotted the Barca femeni team immediately. Some of them were playing beach volleyball while others opted for relaxing in the hot sun and you instantly made out Keira. Which wasn’t hard – the only white white person in between a bunch of lovely tanned girls and she sat under an umbrella to not sit directly in the sun. So typical english.

“Keira is so english it's embarrassing” you mumbled making your sister burst out laughing “What... even YOU have a tan”

“Without tan-lines” Lucy smirked evilly

You really wanted to gag and whine but it would have blown your cover before your prank even began

“I hate you” you growled under your breath before getting interrupted by a VERY upset spanish voice

“Really Lucia... again??” Alexia exclaimed shocked and angry

“NOT my fault this time... she overdosed herself” Lucy held both her hands up in surrender letting go of you which made you “stumble” in the sand

“holasita pretty spaniard” you grinned trying to look as loopy as possible

“Ay dios mio...” Alexia mumbled as she pinched the bridge of her nose

“You look so pretty” you “slurred” and your sister gave you a secret thumbs up

“You told me before, Cariño” the Captain huffed “But thank you”

Right this moment you heard a “cuidadosa!!” and the volleyball hit you on the side of your head making you drop your ice cream cone

“María Leon!!!” Alexia yelled turning around in anger “I TOLD you not in this direction!”

“My ice cream” you whined looking down where your ice cream hit the sand

“I'll get you new ice Bubs” Lucy jumped in deciding to play along a little bit

“Oh no you won't” the blonde (pretty) spaniard interrupted your sister “María will buy ice cream... for EVERYONE”

“Que???!!!” Mapí exclaimed while you squealed happily

“I want that one” you pointed at your melting ice cream in the sand – you really liked playing the drugged one it seems to get you free stuff.

“Bubs... you need to choose something new... the place here doesn't have Speculoos... but the strawberry is really good” Lucy found fun in your little play too “supporting” you – even if it means she would lose 50€

“But I want Spec... Specs... Loos... Specloosers” you pouted mispronouncing the word on purpose

“I know... but look... you can have strawberry now and Speculoos later okay?” Lucy tried to “negotiate”

“What have you done to her?” suddenly a very arrogated Ona stood next to the two of you with Alexia still “discussing” with Mapí about how stupid actions have stupid consequences

“I did nothing... you told her where her painkillers were” Lucy defended herself again and this time you helped her out

“Thank you friendly spaniard – you're a good friend” you smiled all teeth at Ona

“You two can't be left alone for a few hours without causing trouble??” the small woman said bewildered and you heard Keira snickering behind you “Welcome to their World, Ona.. you will have A LOT of situations like these”

“Kei” you happily exclaimed turning quickly

“Hey Bitsy... come here a second, will you... your sister has to talk to the friendly spaniard for a moment in peace” your fellow englishwoman smiled inviting and you took her up on it and stumbled over to her.

“Hey Kei” you smiled “loopy” as you plopped down beside her on a towel

“For how long do I have to pretend to not notice that you definitely not high?” she asked you smirking after she studied you for a second

“What... How... Why??” you stared at her shocked

“Bitsy please... cut me some slack... I told you before... I was always able to tell.. what did Lucy promised you if you could pull this off?” Keira grinned speaking in a low voice not wanting to out you since you seemed to have fun

“50 bucks if I could pull it off for an hour without you noticing” you huffed sadly

“It took me one look if it makes you feel better” the english grinned “but I'll play along because it's actually fun seeing what you can come up with”

“Thanks Kei...” you smiled slightly before looking up “which of them did I call flawless?”

This time it was Keira bursting out laughing as she pointed at Aitana who was relaxing in the sun wearing an orange bikini, big sunglasses and a big white hat.

“At least I got that right” you looked impressed

“Do I have to remind you already that you have a girlfriend?” Keira smirked

“Doesn't mean I can't appreciate beauty if I see...” you started before you stopped abruptly your mouth dropping wide open as you see another woman approaching “Fuck me sideways... WHO's that... she's gorgeous”

“Huh??” Keira looked at you surprised before turning around looking who literally made you speechless

“Really Bitsy? Are you really drooling over Jenni?” she asked you with a raised brow turning back to you

“Gonna name her sexy spaniard” you grinned texting Georgia immediately who you kept in the loop all the time

“You have a girlfriend” Keira stressed

“And she just said either sexy or damn girl spaniard...” you grinned showing Keira the text from your girlfriend

“You two are really made for each other” the englishwoman groaned starting to massage her temples knowing she will have a lot to put up with in the future

“Don't worry Kei... you're going to be the one giving me away when we get married” you grinned

“Your sister won't let me do that” the blonde grinned

“She won't be able to walk because she fucked up her knee even more and I'm not walking next to her hobbling self” you waved off

Keira laughed and hugged you into her side smiling as Lucy came over having finished her talk with Ona about how this time it wasn't her fault that you were “high”

“Hey Bubs... you behaving for Kei?” she asked you smiling

“She's very good” Keira confirmed not showing that she knew you were in fact very much not high or overdosed

“Good... wanna join me and Ona over there?” Lucy pointed over to where Ona just laid down on her towel

“Nope” you answered popping the “p” “... not getting involved in your lovey-dovey shit”

“You're unbelievable you know that?” your sister exclaimed rolling her eyes “I have a very high self-control so not everything is about... THAT”

“You can't even say sex around me... what will you do when you find out that I have sex?” you asked the fact that you could pretend to not know what you're talking about helped you immense to rile your sister up

“Don't remind me” Lucy mumbled shivering

“Our Kid is growing up, Luce... let her be” Keira laughed swatting her exes shoulder playfully

“It must be your influence... if it would my influence she'd die a virgin” Lucy grinned back

“It's young love...” the blonde englishwoman rolled her eyes but smiling “... should I remind you how we were...”

“Please don't” you interrupted quickly “I already got scarred for life by her”

“Keira, Lucy.. you remember Jenni, sí?” Alexia interrupted your little banter appearing out of nowhere right next to Lucy

“Sí... hola Jenni... Cómo estás?” your sister smiled friendly laying her arm around your shoulders pulling you into her side away from Keira

“Estoy bien, muchas gracias...” Jenni smiled back pushing her sunglasses into her hair

“Pretty spaniard” you whisper yelled waving over excited trying to get Alexias attention which made Jenni looking at you confused raising an eyebrow at your antics

“Sí y/n?” Alexia looked at you grabbing your good hand to stop your waving

“Who's the sexy spaniard?” you ask “whispering” nodding her head excessively towards Jenni

Alexia closed her eyes breathing deeply her hand shooting up to her forehead starting to massage it as Jenni made a surprised noise

“Who?” the dark haired spaniard asked confused and surprised

You stayed in “character” making a little squeaky noise trying to “hide” behind Lucy

“Overdose on pain meds” your sister grinned widely before pointing towards Alexia “this is pretty spaniard... Aitana over there is flawless spaniard, Mapí is colorbook spaniard and YOU apparently are... what is Jenni Bubs?”

“Very sexy” you mumbled from behind Lucy

“Very sexy spaniard... welcome to the gang” your sister laughed as Jenni continued to look confused as hell

“I... can't follow” Jenni said her spanish accent thick as she spoke english

“Dear Mary mother of god” you half moaned “she sounds very sexy too... keep talking” you peaked over your sisters shoulder looking at Jenni expectantly

“Stop drooling... you are in a relationship” your sister said as she turned her head looking at you

“I'm so sorry Jen... don't take her seriously... she's... she's a walking disaster but really lovely at the same time – she's Lucias little sister” Alexia explained “you can always ignore her”

Jenni slowly nodded her brows still raised. You peaked out behind your sister again trying your best to look as loopy as possible. You took a step around Lucy just for Alexia to push herself between you and Jenni

“Y/n no... sit with Keira in the shade and...” she tried to keep you away from Jenni as you happily interrupted her

“Colorbook spaniard!!!” you yelled across to Mapí and waved

“Baby Bronze!!!” Mapí yelled back and also waved happily “You're high again”

You stumbled around Alexia and Jenni towards Mapí and NEARLY got to her as you were hauled back as someone grabbed you around your waist

“No Bebita... we don't interact with Mapí right now” Ona said softly

“But she...” you started to pout but Ona ignored you successfully

“No no... no buts... come on.. back to your sister you go” the blonde spaniard said firmly

“You're mean” you pouted towards your sisters girlfriend

“And you're high... so nothing new on both sides” Ona replied dry as she pushed you forward her arms still secured around your waist while you started to wriggle around trying to get rid of Ona

“No Bebita” the blonde spaniard said sternly before looking towards Lucy who had an amused smile on her face “Help please?”

Your sister grinned as she made her way over and got in front of you “Behave Devil Spawn – or I'll make sure you'll behave”

“But the colorbook spaniard wants to play... she needs super...spicion” you lulled mixing up words

“Mapí can play with Pina and Patri... you can play with Keira in the shade” your sister said winking at you before pulling you away from Ona “Thanks for catching her in time Babe”

“No problem... I don't want to think about what these two would do” the blonde smiled slightly

“I'll let you drive my Cupra in the Camp Nuo parking lot if you get Jennis number in your “current state”...” Lucy lead you over to Keira whispering in your ear as she did so

“You serious?” you whispered back surprised

“Dead serious... because I REALLY want to witness that” Lucy chuckled under her breath

“Deal” you grinned and stumbled in her arms for good measure.

“Hey Kei... can you keep an eye on dopey here?” your sister said as she basically dropped you next to Keira

“What's in it for me?” the englishwoman smirked raising her brow behind her sunglasses

“What do you want?” Lucy asked as you already trying to bolt toward Mapí once again just for Keira to grab your shorts pulling you back down without even looking at you

“Nandos... for the next year... every time I'M home...” Keira smirked

“Okay... Deal...” your sister agreed quickly

“That's all I'm worth... Nandos? You could have had anything and you chose Nandos?” you exclaimed outraged

“Your sister has nothing I would want... so Nandos it is... and now be quiet I want to relax and enjoy my day off” Keira said as a matter of fact as your sister left grinning to herself

“I can go to the colorbook spaniard” you said happily knowing Alexia was watching you with hawkeyes and you have to remain “high”

“No” Keira said offhandly and closed her eyes “and don't even try it... firstly I will notice and secondly Alexia will notice too”

You huffed pouting glancing over to the blonde spaniard who was in a conversation with Jenni but you could tell she was having an eye on you

“What's the deal with them two” you asked quietly

“Huh?” Keira asked lifting her head to see what you were talking about “Alexia and Jenni? They had an... agreement for a bit...”

“Stress relieve agreement?” you questioned

“Yes... Alexia then met Olga” your other sister said as she laid back down closing her eyes again

“If I go to Alexia... will you stop me?” you asked already forming a plan in your head to get Jenni Hermosos number

“Oh god... what do you plan now?” Keira groaned knowing the small change in your voice

“Lucy upped the stakes” you grinned

“You will NOT hit on Alexia... I don't care what Lucy promised you, you will not embarrass you and in hindsight me since I'm responsible for you” the englishwoman said firmly

“No no no... no hitting on the scary woman... who's not so scary once you get to know her” you said quickly shutting down any concerns Keira might have

“Okay... if you go STRAIGHT to Alexia okay... I know you're not really high but I also know you AND Mapí... the two of you mean trouble” Keira pointed her finger threating at you

“I promise... and you know I keep my promises with you” you nodded your head

“Before you go... where's your sister?” the blonde asked

“Currently at the booth over there with Ona... drinking something red-ish...” you said after you spotted your sister

“You coming home with me tonight” Keira mused a smirk playing around her lips

“I am?” you asked confused

“Yes... pretty sure she's drinking Sangria... so you don't WANT to be home tonight” the englishwoman grinned as you pulled a disgusted face

“Seriously??? How do you know that??” you dry heaved

“I dated your sister for years... I KNOW what wine does to her” Keira laughed heartily as you threw out an “EW”

“Yep.... I'll definitely sleep at yours tonight” you said flatly looking over to your sister again shivering as you were “blessed” with the sight of your sisters hand on Onas ass while she drank her Sangria and laughed at something one of her teammates said (you haven't met that one now)

“Who's no.3 over there?” you asked Keira interrupting her relaxing once again

“Cata... Cata Coll... our Keeper” she answered after looking up from her position again

“Didn't she receive a yellow last game... how can a keeper get a yellow?” you remembered

“She went all Karate Kid on a player outside of her box” Keira answered patiently all your questions enjoying the interest you're showing.

You haven't showed that much interest since your last injury which she understood but it also hurted not only Keira but Lucy as well when you pulled away from them and everything that involved football. So when you started to show interest now Keira grabbed the opportunity to pull you back into it and if it was just a little bit.

“Catara Kid?” you grinned

“Basically... I'll make sure the kiddies pick up on that name” Keira laughed “I don't know what you have planned but if you want to strike you should do it now... because if you interrupt Alexia once she's relaxing you're in for it...” the blonde grinned and pointed towards Alexia who was about to sit down on her towel

“See you in a bit Kei” you quickly stood up before “stumbling” away while Keira just shook her head smiling

You knew Alexia was watching you since she twitched every time you “stumbled” ready to jump up and catch you (or pick you up). You smiled and congratulated yourself internally for doing such a good job. You came to a stuttering halt in front of her staring down on her.

“What can I do for you, Cariño?” Alexia asked carefully as you swayed slightly in the sand

“You are reeeeeaaaally pretty” you said starring down at Alexia who rolled her eyes but smiled anyways

“You came all the way over here to tell me? That's very nice of you, pequeña” the blonde spaniard smiled friendly not even trying to argue with you

“No... I want to ask you something” you mumbled looking around

“Oh... okay” Alexia looked a little taken aback “What's your question, Cariño?”

“Where is the sexy spaniard... I want to ask her something” you grinned loopy

“You want to ask Jenni something? And what would that be?” the blonde raised an eyebrow expectantly

“It's not your business that I want to ask her how she's so sexy” you “spilled” part of your plan – which you did on purpose

“Ah... okay... you just need to turn around and ask her” Alexia grinned having seen Jenni standing behind you

You turned quickly losing your balance and stumbled backwards right over Alexia and fell into the sand with a squeak. Jenni chuckled lowly as she delicately stepped over a swearing Alexia crouching down next to you

“You okay, little Bronze?” she asked smiling as you let your head fall back with a groan

“Peachy” you groaned out kind of embarrassed but since you were smart you turned the situation into your favour “I hate sand... is everywhere” you mumbled

“Yeah... sand tends to do that if you fall into it” the black haired spaniard chuckled

“Is your fault... sneaking up on me's not nice” you slurred

“I'm sorry... I didn't mean to scare you” Jenni smiled

“You not scary... Lexia is scary... she yelled at me you know” you mumbled as you brushed some sand of your arms

“Did she now? That's not very nice Alexia” the dark haired grinned at the blonde

“Explain to her WHY I yelled.. and I didn't even yell at you – I yelled at María” the blonde answered rolling her eyes

“I know spanish, you know... wait...” you said acting like you have to remember it

“Don't hurt your head, Cariño... you promised to never say it again” Alexia quickly interrupted your thoughts as you yell out a victorious “HA” and turning to Jenni

“Cállate la Boca, matildo hijo de puta! That's it... that was what I learned” you smiled widely at the shocked face of the dark haired one

“Dios Mio...” the blonde groaned “You can't remember your own name but THAT you remember”

“Mapí taught you that?” Jenni asked still working through her shock

“Yes ma'am” you grinned proudly

“I can see why Alexia yelled at you... that's something very bad to say” Jenni said firmly “Don't say it again”

“Say what again?” you said acting like you already forgot what you said just a minute before

“The spanish phrase you just said” the dark haired answered confused

“Give up, Jen... she won't remember anyway... it's easier to play along... she tells me every time she sees me that I'm pretty” Alexia chuckled shrugging her shoulders

“You are pretty” you said coming closer to Alexias face “so pretty”

“See what I mean...” the blonde directed to her fellow spanish national teammate “... thank you, Cariño... it's always nice to get a compliment”

“Okay wow... WHAT did they give her” Jenni laughed loudly

“Ask Ona... she apparently got her the good stuff for a sprained wrist... where is your splint by the way Cariño?” the blonde answered Jennis question before noticing your missing splint

“Was uncomfortable... left it home” you mumbled shyly

“It doesn't help your recovery if you don't listen to the doctors Cariño” Alexia sighed

“Look who's talking” Jenni mumbled under her breath

“But it hurts... not a nice splint” you pouted sadly

“I know Cariño... but it helps you getting better faster” the blonde said sympathetically

“You know...” you started before throwing in a theatrical pause “... you are so pretty”

“Ugh...” Alexia huffed out at your short attention span as Jenni laughed again

“This is amazing...” the dark haired laughed

“You are very sexy” you smiled loopy

“Thank you little Bronze...” Jenni laughed “... but I think it's time for getting rid of the sand, hm?”

“Ugh...” now it was your time to huff “... I hate the sand... gets everywhere”

“I know... come on... I'll help you wash it off since you would probably drown in the shower” the dark haired laughed

“You sure? I can too” Alexia looked at the two of you sceptical

“It's okay... It's my fault she fell...” Jenni nodded smiling

“Yeah... it's her fault” you threw in for good measure

“Off you go then... don't leave her out of your sight for a second... she'll be gone, trust me” the blonde warned before making a shoo-motion with her hand

Jenni pulled you up into a standing position and you swayed around a little bit

“Huuuiii” you smiled as you swayed

“And you probably need some water too.... I'm pretty sure your circulation is low...” the dark haired spaniard smiled friendly as she grabbed your hip securely

You leaned against her letting her lead the way towards the public showers passing your sister on the way you held onto Jennis waist hearing Lucy choke on her Sangria as she realized who just passed her. You grinned to yourself knowing exactly how it must look to anyone as you held your other hand up behind your back flipping your sister off.

[ovaryacted]

CANDY HEARTS

PAIRING: RE2!Leon x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS: It was Valentine's Day at the precinct and everyone was giving out candy grams for their secret admirers. Who knew that one piece of candy would have so much of an impact?

CONTENT/WARNINGS: FLUFF. Mutual pining. Alcohol consumption. One kiss. Flirting and confessions at the end. Canon-adjacent. Modernized era (they have cell phones). The og gang is together and are all above the age of 21. Leon being silly and not knowing about social cues. Chris plays matchmaker & Claire is a jokester. Jill likes margaritas and Rebecca is the mom of the group. They are all friends and live happily ever after cause I said so.

WC: 3.7k

NOTES: I am back from the dead, and I come bearing gifts. This was just something I wanted to write for Valentine's Day, and I don't even know how the idea came along the entire way. Here’s some nice fluffy stuff with a bit of added corniness, something new from me. Hope you all enjoy and like it! Comments, likes, and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

✰ ── 《 Navigation ⟡ Main Masterlist ⟡ AO3 》

February, supposedly the month when red and pink mesh together to signify the one thing that couldn’t be explained. Love. Romance. Companionship.

It was a silly thing really, something that Leon didn’t understand, mostly because to him, it couldn’t be real. That didn’t mean he wasn’t curious, that he always wondered what it would be like to be so attached to another person it felt like being two parts of one whole. 

It was another full week of the month, the days passing by as quickly as they started. Another day, another patrol, that was what he knew as part of his routine. Heading toward his locker to grab his gear, he was surprised to see a small heart-shaped lollipop wrapped in a red bow. He raised a brow at the strange object, curious fingers reaching out to inspect it closer.

“What do you have there?”

His head turned to the side at the sound of your voice, more so feeling your breath on his neck as you peered over his shoulder. Holding up the red lollipop for you to study, you took it from his grasp, the very tips of your fingers barely touching his before you held the wrapped candy.

“Leon, do you even know what this is?”, your eyes held that same mischievous gleam it always did when you were with him, and simply gave you a shrug. “It’s a candy gram silly”

“What? Someone just put a lollipop in my locker?”, Leon didn’t get why someone would even bother putting something like this for him to find.

“It’s for Valentine’s Day, something that the precinct wanted to do to celebrate. If you get one of these, it means someone is your secret admirer”, the way you described the entire ploy was almost comical to him, and he only chuckled.

“So it’s like a crush type of thing?”

“Sort of. Did you even read the note?”, and from the way he looked like a deer in headlights you knew he didn’t. You motioned over to the small red note that was hidden underneath the piece of candy. Carefully, he went to unfold it and read over the words that were written in cursive black ink.

I can’t turn water into wine, but I’m hoping to turn you into mine.

You watched as Leon quickly became flustered at the funny pick-up line, rolling his eyes and trying to hide the subtle blush he got from reading the words over and over again.

“I don’t like this game”, Leon grumbled under his breath, trying to shake off his embarrassment and scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Oh cmon, it’s supposed to be funny. But listen, if you don’t want your lollipop I’ll gladly take it”, you smirked as his eyes met yours, pink lips curling up to match your grin.

“What? You didn’t get any candy grams of your own so you have to steal mine?”, he unwrapped the lollipop, popping it into his mouth and humming as he approved the taste. Cherry, his favorite.

“For your information, I got three. I just munched on all of the candies already I wanted another”, you placed your hands on your hips, the uniform only accentuating the curvature of your figure that Leon tried his hardest not to notice.

“Really? You got notes too or were you too busy eating your lollipops you forgot to notice”, he was teasing you now, going into his locker to put on his tactical belt and wrapping it around his hips. It fit snugly on his body, the leather belt he wore underneath to hold up his cargo pants seemed to add to his slim figure. Not that you were paying attention either. 

“I did, but didn’t pay too much attention. I got a nice one though, said something like My candy heart is all yours. Real cute stuff”, you leaned against the wall as you waited for Leon before going on patrol. He was one of the only good things working at the R.P.D. had to offer, and coincidentally it just helped that he was also your friend. Having known each other for a while now, being like this came naturally, remembering how easy it was to be with him when you two first clicked. 

“Sounds corny”, he said with a shake of his head, closing the metallic door and gesturing the both of you to start walking out of the room and into the main hall.

“Yeah, you’d know everything about being corny wouldn’t you?”, you taunted him back as you walked through the halls of the precinct, keeping track of all the patrols you had on the board today.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Are you coming on this patrol with me or what?”, he already knew the answer, didn’t have to so much as second guess to know that you’d be riding along with him.

“Of course I am. Who else will bother you with their favorite pop songs?”, you walked ahead of him, and his gaze went down your back to look at the handcuffs that jingled every time you took a step.

He definitely wasn’t looking at anything else.

-

It was a long day of work patrolling the city before Leon finally had some time to himself to relax. Thankfully, he didn’t have to work the overnight shift and could lounge at home to watch some shitty reality TV or whatever tickled his fancy. Of course, that was before he got a text message from you, ever the pest constantly wondering what he was up to. Not that he complained.

There’s a whole theme night going on at the local bar. Free shots at 10:30 pm. Bring your ass over here, and wear red!

Drinks? With you? That wasn’t anything out of the ordinary considering how familiar it felt to be around you, but he still couldn’t think of anything else he wanted to do for the night. So, he pretended like he didn’t want to be dragged out of his small apartment as he trudged his feet toward the shower to get dressed. He shouldn’t have cared so much about being presentable, usually, he never did. But for you, he was willing to try new things.

For the first time in probably ever, he’s forgone his usual color palette and took out a red button-down, rolling the sleeves up towards his forearms. Leon was always more fond of shades that reminded him of the sky, blues, greens, and white. Red was out of his comfort zone, but going out on Valentine’s Day night was enough to make that ball of anxiety tighten in his gut. Topping it all off with a bomber jacket, he left the keys to his jeep behind and took a cab instead, playing it safe if he ended up drinking something that would surely knock him off his feet.

He seemed to be counting down the minutes to the moment he walked into the bar. Scanning the area, he looked for any sight of you amongst the crowd, walking past several pairs of people lip-locking and downing shots in groups. The energy was electric, the music was lively, and as he continued to trek further into the bar that’s when he spotted you.

There you were, sporting a red deep-cut blouse and leather pants that were tight along your thighs. He caught the glossy red lipstick you put on for the occasion that only brightened your teeth as you laughed with those around you. And when you turned your head to find him standing there, he gulped down the pang he felt in his chest.

Yeah. He’s screwed.

“Finally, I’ve been waiting for you for so damn long. Good to know you listened to me for once”, you walked up to him, grabbed a hold of his wrist, and pulled him toward a corner of the bar where your other friends were sitting. Unless you cared to look for it, his pulse spiked when your fingers wrapped around his wrist. Maybe you felt it, maybe you didn’t, but that brief touch was cut short when Leon was brought to the table.

Most of the newfound gang was there, Chris and his sister Claire were there sharing a beer, while Rebecca was forcing Jill to be a bit more social. It was supposedly a normal night even though you were out of your uniform, forcing Leon to find a point on the wall to avoid peeking over in your direction. Chris kept him occupied, offering him a drink that he sipped to ease the nerves he felt, all while Claire teased him about wearing red instead of his usual navy. This wasn’t so bad, I’ll make it through the night, he thought to himself. 

It only took a few drinks for everything to spiral out of control. The blame is to be put on tequila. It was always tequila, but thank god it was the weekend. 

Just like you warned him, 10:30 pm rolled around and the bar burst into cheers as servers carried shot glasses filled with red liquid. Everyone at the table had one, and Leon watched as you downed the shot with ease, a wild grin on your face as you did. With your encouragement, and Claire’s taunting, he drank the shot and winced at the stinging of the liquid going down his throat. He hated taking shots, that you knew, but he’d do it so long as it made you happy.

This is why you leave the clear liquor to me and you stick to your beer. He remembered hearing you say that to him one night when you made him drink vodka, the raging hangover he got in the morning only further proved your point.

He’s lost count of the number of shots you consumed, splitting them between Jill and Claire, and an extra you forced Chris to take despite him sticking to his beer. Rebecca remained as the group chaperone, making sure nobody did anything too embarrassing tonight. Hearing a particular song that brightened your mood, you brought Claire towards the middle aisle where others seemed to follow you to dance in the small space.

Propping his elbow up against the wooden table, Leon leaned back to simply watch you move to the music. His whole body felt warm at the sight, seeing how you swayed your hips to the beat of the song and Claire did the same. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, his eyes ran up the stitching of your leather pants, over the deep v-line cut of your blouse, and again towards your face. Sure, you were attractive, he wasn’t blind. But what he was the most fond of was your smile, all cheery and wide to the point where the corners of your eyes crinkled.

He could see that look all the time and never get sick of it. The only thing he’d change was that he was the reason why you beamed like that.

“You’re doing it again”, Chris said out loud with a smirk, knocking Leon out of his little fantasy before meeting eye to eye again.

“I’m not doing anything”, he challenged in denial, Chris only chortled and shook his head.

“Unless you’re watching Claire dance, you know exactly what you’re doing”, the brunette matched his sister in humor, Leon exasperating in disbelief and took another sip of his beer. “You like her. You should do something about it”

“Chris…”

“C’mon, man. How much longer are you going to stand on the sidelines and just watch? Even I’m getting tired of the tension, it’s killing me”, ever the dramatic man, he wrapped a thick arm around Leon’s shoulder, bringing him in closer as if he were telling him a secret.

“You had a chance with the candy grams you realize that right? Sure, free candy but why not make it special?”

“Who says I didn’t do just that?”, the blonde said before it could be filtered out properly, sighing and downing the rest of his bottle.

“You’re joking. Seriously? She got like three of those things”, Chris’s brown eyes widened the slightest bit, not wanting to believe the truth.

“Does it look like I’m laughing right now?”, Leon chuckled incredulously at the realization that these feelings he’d been harboring for so long were starting to pour out of him the more he drank. “I don’t know how to talk to her. Besides, it doesn’t matter anyway, she’s not into me”

“Leon, you must be an idiot or something because she is into you. Who do you think gave you the candy gram?”, Chris muttered, probably not meaning to say it the way he did but it sounded like a confession.

Leon didn’t have time to ask for more details when you came back to the table on his side, an energetic Claire going towards Jill who was down three margaritas and growing sleepy. He could practically smell the perfume off of you, jasmine and soft vanilla, things that he found comfort in and sought after through his day-to-day.

“I think that’s enough dancing for me, I got dizzy”, you said, finishing the last bit of your watered-down drink and slamming the glass down on the table. From the way you were standing, your body almost leaned against Leon’s, ever inching closer toward him.

“Do you want to leave?”, Leon asked you, ever the concerned friend and partner despite the fact the alcohol was starting to get to him too.

“Nah, I’ll stay a little bit. Do you want to go?”, the way your eyes were hazy when you spoke to him brought that same twitch in his chest he usually ignored when he was around you.

“If you’re good, then I’m good. I’m not leaving without you”, he didn’t mean to say it in a different context outside of friendly, or maybe he did, but when he avoided a visceral reaction from you he figured he was in the clear.

“You got it boss”, you joked with him, but your hand lightly skimmed against his by accident, a shock running through you from the light touch. You didn’t meet his eye, instead, you felt the way his pinkie came closer to your own, discreetly curling around the digit.

It was a shy touch as if to gently test the boundaries of what was other than a cordial relationship. Leon started to grow anxious, thinking maybe he messed up, his mind beginning to spiral until you squeezed his finger back in silence. He tried not to make it obvious, but he looked over at you to see you smiling, and for that second he thought his small dream had come true.

“Another drink and then we’ll call it quits”, Chris’ voice popped the bubble that you were both in, but your hands didn’t move from where they were.

Yeah, one more drink couldn’t hurt, so long as you two remained like this for the rest of the night. 

-

Leon regrets having that one last drink. The world around him was spinning, and his feet were lugging across the floor as if he was going to sink into the Earth any minute now. He nearly forgot that he wasn’t going home alone, that you were beside him, doing your best to support his body as you brought him over to your place like you had done a few times before.

Unlocking the door to your apartment and walking inside, Leon was hit with the same scent of jasmine and soft vanilla that he recognized as your own, faint layers of cinnamon engulfing him when you brought him over to your couch in a slump.

“I’m never letting you drink that much again”, your voice sounded almost distant, but it was comforting nonetheless. You walked away from him, your footsteps growing faint until you came back with a glass of water he graciously chugged.

“Wasn’t so bad, I can handle my liquor”, he slouched further into your couch, his head beginning to whirl from everything he drank.

“Leon, I had to carry you inside. You’re drunk”, you glanced at him with that same mischievousness you always had reserved just for him. Even if you had a better alcohol tolerance than he did, your pupils being dilated told him that you were in the same predicament

“Not complaining”, he was damn near mumbling now, his head pivoting to look at you fully. You were right there next to him, all dolled up in a way he hadn’t seen before. In the back of his mind, he imagined you did it just for him.

So pretty.

“You think so?”, your voice brought him out of his current haze, watching as he blinked once or twice before realizing he said his inner thoughts out loud.

“I-I…huh?”, Leon was stuttering now, looking towards the floor and growing embarrassed at the slip-up. You couldn’t help but giggle under your breath, and he prayed to God it wasn’t at him.

“Leon…I don’t know if you can tell but I’ve been trying to send you signals that I like you for months now. You’re a tough nut to crack”, you were speaking, but your words stopped filtering through his brain the moment you said the words ‘I like you’.

You like me?

“Yes, you cornball, I do”, you answered him anyway, catching him off guard at the response. At this rate, he’ll spill his deepest darkest secrets because he can’t tell the difference between what he’s thinking and what he’s saying. “The candy gram, that was me. Thought it might register in your head but it didn’t”

Leon looked like he had uncovered the biggest truth known to man. It was astonishing to witness, how he couldn’t process the thought that you were actually interested in him. You could see the gears starting to turn in his head, and once the revelation settled in his mind his lips were formed in a gentle smile. 

“That was a really bad pick-up line”, Leon said, making you laugh even harder. Your hand made contact with his chest, patting against his body with every sound that slipped past you. 

“And yours was any better?”, your hand didn’t move from where it sat on his chest, mindlessly caressing the material of his red button-down. 

“Yeah, I think ‘my candy heart is all yours’ is one of my best works”, he was almost cocky when he talked, but his facial expression was anything short of dorky. You both looked like a bunch of love-drunk idiots waiting for one to say what the other wanted to hear. 

“Hmm, that sounded like you. Is this you admitting that you gave me that candy gram?”, you were leaning on him, shifting so your body was closer against his. The tequila still running through your system heightened your senses, the natural scent of Leon’s cologne was enough to make your heart flutter. 

“Something like that”, he grinned bashfully, blue eyes looking at you intensely. He took in every detail of your features he could get, moving some of your hair out of your face and curling it behind your ear. His hand didn’t move too far, resting his palm against your cheek and running his thumb against the warmth of your skin.

“Would it be bad to kiss you?”, he whispered his words to you, as if his feelings would only be safe in the four walls of this room. 

“No, I’ve been waiting for you to ask me”, you moved so your chest was pressed against his, hands moving up towards his neck and caressing the hair at his nape. 

Leon didn’t have to wait too long to feel your lips meshing with his, sighing in what he could only describe as pure satisfaction. A shiver rushed down his spine and broke off into the rest of his body, blood pulsing through his veins at rapid speed the more his heart pumped in his chest. He pressed your body against him, wrapping an arm around your waist and keeping his other hand on your cheek.

Leon felt drunk, both literally and figuratively off of you and everything that you were. Things made sense for the first time, having you like this here with him. It was all he wanted, all he needed, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get enough. Against his wishes, he pulled away for air, staying close by to rest his forehead against yours. 

“About damn time Kennedy”, you teased him again, but your expression was tender. You noticed how your red lipstick stained his lips, no doubt leaving barely any left on your mouth. “Red looks good on you”, you put a thumb against his lips, rubbing at the plush skin you just felt for the first time.

“Does this mean I get to ask you to be my Valentine?”, he looked so cute when he asked you, rolling your eyes at his question, but you found it endearing.

“You’re two hours too late, but I’ll happily be your Valentine anyway”, you gave him one more smooch on the lips, and the happiness on his face was damn near palpable. “But you owe me a better one next time, you hear me?”

Next time.

“Loud and clear. I’ll have a better pick-up line to use on you”

“If you start getting corny, I will leave you on the couch”, the playful threat didn’t worry Leon in the slightest, his smile getting wider with every passing second he spent with you.

“Awe come on, I meant what I said. My candy heart is all yours”, his nose nuzzled into your neck, kissing your soft ticklish skin and breathing you in, marking your scent into his memory.

This time around, he thinks he’ll thank the tequila instead. Perhaps Cupid is real, a little overdue, but he still got the job done in the end.

©️ ovaryacted 2024. Please don’t repost, copy, translate, or feed into any AI. Support your fellow creators by reblogging, commenting, and liking!

[wileys-russo]

I'm not sure if you listened, if not you should it's so funny!

but could you do the reader on Jill's scotts coffee club podcast with georgia, leah and keira when leah whips out the cake? x

decided to make this a lowkey stanners x williamson!reader cause i love gee and she's underrated

colin the caterpillar II g.stanway

"-williamson i see you loitering about! get in here!" you looked up as you heard the ever familiar booming voice of one jill scott gesture you over. you caught georgia's eye as her and keira swiveled their heads, furiously waving you over to join them on the sofa, the set for jills podcast randomly plonked in the middle of the indoor training pitch.

"have you still got media duties babe?" your girlfriend asked, moving the microphone away from her mouth and you shook your head. "right in you come then!" keira moved over and patted the space in between her and georgia.

"is this live?" you asked as you took a seat, flashing a grin at jill and ben as you settled yourself on the sofa, your girlfriends spare arm coming to settle on your shoulders. "-and now we are joined by one of the worlds greatest strikers!" jill started, doing a drum roll on her knees.

"-but unfortunately alessia russo has been dodging my calls so we've had to settle for y/n williamson, round of applause please!" jill joked as you playfully rolled your eyes at the dig, showered in claps from the small crowd around you.

"you know you've never asked me on this show jilly, what happened to being your favourite williamson?" you tutted, one of the production assistants hurrying over to give you a mic.

"i had to keep that under wraps, had to suck up to the captain you know!" jill winked as you grinned, leaning a little more into georgia and crossing your legs. "jill might be the best suck up with the worst success rate we've ever met." keira announced as you and georgia hummed in agreement, ben egging you on to continue.

"she sucked up to sarina and the training team so much during the euros man. she'd be getting drinks, recounting plays, grabbing everyone gels-" you laughed at the memory. "-but then georgia could be on her death bed with cramp and jill would still stay on the bench." keira finished, jill agreeing as you all laughed along.

"oh no sorry interruption cause leah's just bought a colin the caterpillar!" keira gasped as she spotted your sister wandering close by with her birthday cake in hand. "go on birthday girl in you come!" you called out as she came closer, jill eagerly agreeing she sit down.

"cmere love." georgias hands found your waist, tugging you up to sit sideways on her lap as keira shuffled across and leah plonked herself down on the end, your legs half draped over keira as georgias hands wound themselves round your waist protectively and she softly kissed the back of your neck.

you were aware parts of the podcast were filmed but neither of you were bothered, it had hardly been the worlds best kept secret the two of you were seeing one another.

georgias instagram was almost like a shrine to you at this point. the two of you both playing for bayern, much to your north london blooded sisters disgust, you spent everyday together and only fell more and more in love as time passed.

"can we eat it?" georgia asked with a gasp as leah nodded, cracking open the box and gently sliding out the childhood favourite. "i think surely i win best sister for gettin her that?" you clapped for yourself, everyone joining in but leah who rolled her eyes.

"no cause you gave it to me after you smashed a cupcake in my literal eye at breakfast!" leah huffed, handing over the cake to keira after she took a large. "it was your forehead leah honestly! you win most dramatic." you countered, the blonde leaning over to smack your leg for the comment as you grinned.

"now now girls play nice play nice!" jill laughed, re-directing the conversation as keira snapped you off a section of cake which you accepted, happily smashing a large portion into your mouth before holding it over your shoulder for your girlfriend to do the same.

"ah i've never been so happy." georgia sighed contently as the two of you took turns munching away at the chocolate cake. "babe thats my finger!" you smacked her with a yelp as the girl got a little too eager and bit your finger among the cake.

"sorry love, no one's safe when there's a colin round." georgia kissed your cheek in apology, happily accepting more of the cake from keira as your sister offered you her piece, grinning as you snapped off the ears with your teeth just like you'd both been brought up to.

"well this is definitely a highlight of the season. four of englands finest just sat here eating a caterpillar like an apple." ben sighed jokingly as the four of you giggled to yourselves, you leaning back into georgia and clutching your stomach as keira took a large bite right from the middle without a care in the world.

"lee five second rule!" you pointed, voice muffled by the large mouthful of cake shoved in it as your sister scrambled to pick up the piece which fell on the floor, blowing on it and popping it into her mouth with a grin.

"now i know this is audio but for the listeners at home they are literally just picking this cake up and shoving it in their mouth!" jill recounted, shaking her head at the sight. "they're eating it like its a hotdog or something!" ben added on as georgia fed you one of the legs with a giggle.

"that foot was incredible." you mumbled out with a happy sigh, still chewing on it as keira smacked your leg in agreement, opening her mouth to show you she also had one in her mouth as your head fell onto georgias shoulder, again clutching your stomach in laughter.

"imagine if sarina see's this that would be so good. we're over here talking about elite performance-" "-elite performance and now we're just picking up a caterpillar without a care-" "-yeah thats it girls, just shove it in your mush!"

"i eat a kitkat before every game anyway." you shrugged, bending down and snapping off another foot from the half in keiras hands. "do you really?" ben asked in surprise.

"she does! she's done it since she was little, used to throw tantrums like you wouldn't believe when our mum tried to stop her." leah smirked at the memory. "i really did. i'd just find out where she hid them and steal one, i'm too fast to catch anyway once she realised." you grinned once you'd swallowed your mouthful of cake.

"i always leave one in her boots for her to find when she's getting ready now at bayern. you should have seen how much crap she copped her first game, no one could believe she was eating a kitkat before her debut." georgia laughed as you fondly patted her knee.

"i run faster when i've had chocolate!" you shrugged, shovelling another mouthful of cake in as everyone laughed. "i mean the proofs in the pudding there wasn't a euros match i didn't see you not have one and you scored about ten goals!" jill laughed.

"could probablys run a 10K marathon right now, light work!" you teased with cake mushed in your mouth and a cheeky grin, georgia kissing your cheek with a smile as you used your thumb to wipe away some loose chocolate from the corner of her mouth before licking it off your finger with a wink.

"right i'm off!" leah announced a short moment later, standing to her feet and brushing the crumbs off her knee's. "am i taking it?" she gestured to the few small pieces left, packing it up at her friends nods.

"well. he were bloody lovely weren't he!"

[destinationtrekk]

nightfall

Your Captain returns the favor.

2.2k, teen, mentions of sex at the end, cursing, wesker being awkward, cuddling, mentions of murder and canon-typical violence

a/n: this is so unedited it's not funny but i had the worst writer's block halfway through and i finally finished it. it's been eating at my brain for a week so i'll come back and edit it in a few days.

all my fics are cross posted to my ao3

-> masterlist

-> sequel to daybreak

-> nightfall on ao3

Once again, it had been a heinous day. 

A string of murder cases revolving around children had left you bone-weary, exhaustion carving out your body like a dog gnawing on a bone. Your heart ached, stomach tied in knots, and worst of all, you hadn’t eaten in days. Chris and Jill had forced you to snack on things throughout the week, but you couldn’t stomach more than a few chips here, half a sandwich there. No one could, really, not after looking over the gruesome case files day in and day out. 

Although your day was downright awful, you had caught the guy responsible - some ex-Umbrella asshole with too much money and chemicals in his possession. You knew the press were going to have an absolute field day with your team’s main sponsor. 

That was someone else’s problem though. Right now your problem was sitting right in front of you - a blank police report waiting to be filled with the vile and vicious details of your week. The cursor flashed steadily, taunting you to put to words the living nightmare you had been stuck in. 

You had to take a deep breath to steady yourself. It’s over, you told yourself, it’s fine, you’re fine- 

A broad, warm grip on your shoulder, and your eyes shot open. You reared your head to look over your shoulder, caught off guard by the touch, and you sucked in a breath at the sight behind you. 

Captain Wesker looked just as ragged as you, his hair uncharacteristically ruffled and his sunglasses balancing low on his nose. His blue eyes were narrowed at you, his icy gaze calculating as it roamed your face. 

“You’ve been staring at that monitor for nearly half an hour.” His voice was a low murmur, barely a rumble in the quiet room. You frowned, turning away to see - oh. The S.T.A.R.S. office was empty, except for the two of you. You would be embarrassed to be the last one working so late, having not even started your last report, but all you could really think about was how exhausted you were. 

“Sorry, Captain-” 

“Don’t.” He cut you off curtly, his hand sliding off your shoulder, his fingertips lingering just a second long enough for you to notice. You met his gaze again, and were surprised to see the same weary expression across his face. “You’re barely awake, just finish it tomorrow. It’s already been a week - one more day won’t hurt anything.” 

It was odd for him to be so flippant about a report, especially on a case as large as this, but you didn’t have the energy to fight him. You just nodded and turned your computer off, slumping back in your chair. It was silent for a moment, but not awkward, as if you were both lost in separate thoughts. 

“You should be home, asleep already.” Wesker’s voice jolted you awake. You hadn’t even realized your eyes were closed. You swallowed and blinked groggily a few times, trying to clear the fog from your mind. 

“Wouldn’t be able to sleep even if I was home,” You muttered, leaning forward to start lazily gathering your things into your bag. 

“You seem to be sleeping well enough here.”

You glared up at his smug expression, his eyes peering at you over the top of his sunglasses. You considered him for a moment, and then sighed. “There’s not noisy neighbors here, or-” 

You clenched your jaw and stopped yourself. No way could you tell him you were having nightmares. He wasn’t your boyfriend, as much as your lovesick brain wished he was. Even still, he narrowed his eyes at you like he was searching your mind for answers himself. 

Without warning he stepped closer, directly beside you, and dropped his hand on your shoulder again. Just as you turned your upper body to face his (directly inside your personal bubble, by the way) he was pulling you against him. 

The way your cheek pressed into him was a little uncomfortable, neck strained at an odd angle, and your arms unable to reach to touch him back. He was stiff as a board above you, hand clenched around the back of your neck like he had to keep you pressed in place. 

Oh. He was trying to comfort you, the same way you had comforted him. It had been weeks ago, you were a little surprised he even remembered it. You huffed a laugh, much more awake at your sudden realization. He let you pull away reluctantly, grip lingering on your neck like he wasn’t allowed to touch you anywhere else. 

He looked even more uncomfortable than you had felt pressed into his stomach. You couldn’t help an amused smile. “You’re not very good at this, you know.” 

Wesker scowled and his cheeks and nose were dusted pink. “You didn’t have to say it out loud.” 

His obvious embarrassment made you laugh again. The stoic man could light up your day with just a look, and now here he was - struggling to give you comfort as easily as he could accept it. You turned in your seat, pushing your knees between his as he grunted above you, widening his stance just a bit. When you raised your head to meet his gaze again, he was pulling his sunglasses off, folding them into the open collar of his uniform. 

You let your hands touch his outer thighs, hesitantly sliding them up until you could hook your fingers in his pockets. The Captain didn’t stop you, just hummed low and put his hand back on the nape of your neck. He squeezed, just once, before he spoke. “You need more than a nap at your desk, honey.” 

The pet name sent a jolt through you, burning up your neck and cheeks and making your fingers tighten their hold on his pockets, inadvertently tugging him closer. He didn’t move, seemingly tense himself. “Did that make you uncomfortable?” 

“No- no! I liked it, actually.” You mumbled bashfully. His hand slid around your neck to raise your chin, forcing you to look into his sharp blue eyes again. He paused for a moment, eyes roaming your face, before he thumbed carefully at your lower lip. He seemed deep in thought, though his blush was gone and his expression was cold. 

“I was going to sleep here tonight, in the quiet room. You’re welcome to… join me, if you like.” He grit out the words like it was painful to ask, and you couldn’t respond except to huff a laugh at his awkwardness again. 

You could sleep here, you’ve done it before. The beds weren’t comfortable, and the lights couldn’t be turned off because of the chance of a sudden emergency. It sounded more appealing than driving all the way home in the dark, just to collapse at home exhausted and alone. At the very least you would be warm next to another body. 

“I just can’t have you crashing on the way home,” His voice was gruff, like he even had to justify the request. “Chris already totaled a cruiser this year, it was hell explaining that in the budget-” 

“Yes, Captain, I’ll sleep here.” 

Wesker froze mid-sentence, and then nodded. “Good.” He backed away a few steps to let you stand, waiting patiently for you to gather your things. The walk to the quiet room was thick with an awkward silence, and you couldn’t figure out why. Usually the two of you were close in private, having soft, heated conversation with lingering touches and teasing names. Now it felt like he could barely stand the thought of looking at you, much less sleeping in the same room. 

He held open the thick wooden door for you, and you huffed as you stepped through. The room was ice cold, as usual, and the lights had been dimmed since you last slept here. The room was small enough that it took just a few steps for you to drop your bag onto the bottom bunk you usually slept in and Wesker cleared his throat. You turned to face him, and he was positioned stiffly next to the bunk closest to the door. 

“I usually sleep in this one.” He looked pained again, his eyes narrowed like he was accusing you of stealing his spot, despite being across the room. You tilted your head in confusion, and then your eyes widened. He actually meant to join him, like, in the same bed. 

Wesker seemed ready to take it back, poised to escape the room the second you rejected him, but you did the opposite. You dropped your bag at his feet and kicked it under the bed, dropping to the thin mattress and beginning to untie your boots. He stood still at your side for a second before sitting beside you, taking off his boots and tucking his sunglasses under the bed as well. 

When you looked back up at him he seemed much more relaxed, like the possibility of your rejection had been his greatest fear. Now that you were beside him, slouching in exhaustion, his easy air was back. 

You don’t wait for him as you slide under the scratchy blanket, unable to pull it over your shoulders until he stands and his weight releases the other edge. It’s hard to get comfortable when it feels like you’re laying on cardboard, but you tell yourself it’s just one night. Hell, probably just a few hours. No way did Wesker have a night to waste cuddling you, of all things. 

You’re just laying next to each other now. You look over and his eyes are closed, but his breathing tells you he’s still awake. You aren’t so sure what to do now, insecurity beginning to take hold. Had he meant cuddling? Or did he just want to- 

“Stop staring, you’re thinking loud enough that I can almost hear it.” 

A blush paints you red as his gruff voice breaches the silence of the cold room. He’s got an arm around your shoulder to tuck you into his side before you can protest, and you’re not surprised to feel how warm he is. He’s like a heater even when he’s just pressed against you in his office, but now you’re not sure you’ll even need the itchy blanket at all. He shifts onto his side, just enough that you’re not straining your neck to rest on his shoulder while using his bicep as a pillow.

 You’re face to face now, Wesker tilting his chin to brush your noses together in an unusually sweet gesture. It makes you blush and smile, and you’re suddenly hit with the intimacy of this closeness. 

“Sorry.” If you leaned forward, just an inch, your lips would be brushing with each word passed between the two of you. He huffs, and it feels for a moment like you’re sharing the same breath. 

“Get comfortable,” he grumbles, eyes slipping shut. “I’m not letting you up until you have to clock in tomorrow.” 

You suck in a breath and nearly squeak when he squeezes you tighter and slots a thigh between yours, lifting one of your legs to prop over his. He slides his free hand down and cleanly pulls your leg up to his hip, and now you’re truly slotted together like puzzle pieces. There is no way he isn’t doing this on purpose. 

You can tell he feels your heart pounding through your chest by the way he smirks, tilting forward that single inch to brush your lips together. “Something wrong?” 

“I thought you wanted me to sleep,” You narrow your eyes at him and resist the urge to kiss him - he’s so close, and so warm, and it would be so easy. Thankfully he makes the choice for you, slotting your lips together in some lazy semblance of affection, his tongue sliding along your lower lip when he tugs on it, his bite gentle but firm. It makes you press impossibly closer, a breathy moan escaping before you can catch it. 

He releases your mouth and chuckles, squeezing his hand around your hip and bumping your noses together again. “You are going to sleep. I was serious about keeping you here as long as I need to.” 

You’re starting to feel the first crawl of desperation in your core, and you have to close your eyes and count your breaths to fight it off. “We can’t…postpone sleeping? Just a little longer?” 

That pulls a real laugh out of him, something low and pleasant. He lifts his head to tuck you under his chin, and here you can hear the solid thump of his heartbeat. “The first time I fuck you won’t be in a precinct bed, lamb. Go to sleep, and maybe you’ll get a reward in the morning.” 

That sends an electric jolt through you, and now there’s no way you’re sleeping, not with his hips slotted against yours and him gripping a handful of your ass and the thought of him fucking you bouncing around in your head. He doesn’t say another word though, and you find yourself slowly dozing off despite yourself. 

He’s gone the next morning, of course, but he can’t have been gone long with the way you’re wrapped around his warm pillow. You can hear the bustle of the early officers outside, and you roll onto your back and cover your face in your hands. You’re fucked. 

[lordprettyflackotara]

dollhouse || jeff the killer || part five

SMUT MINORS DNI 18+. tw: bondage, face fucking, jealousy sex

"Are you sure this is absolutely necessary?"

Jeff squirmed in his chair, his arms crossing sassily. You stood behind him, putting your hand on your hip.

"Trust me when I tell you that you're doing the world a favor," You countered. Jeff grumbled under his breath, allowing you to continue the task at hand. You readjusted your grip on the kitchen scissors in your hand, picking up another piece of Jeff's hair. You snipped at it carefully, Jeff's gaze forced to center on the kitchen window.

He watched Sally play soccer with Laughing Jack and Jill, who were visiting for the weekend. They typically stayed at the Trenderman mansion, one of Slenderman's better brothers. Jeff wasn't too big of a fan of them visiting, but Jeff wasn't too big of a fan of anything. Including the haircut you were giving him. "My haircut is apart of my branding you know. Everyone knows me by my hair," Jeff argued. Despite his argumentative tongue, he stayed seated and unmoving.

"Right, its totally not the large smile carved into your cheeks or the lack of eyelids," You agreed, smirking to yourself as you snipped another piece of Jeff's hair. Ben strolled into the kitchen, taking one look at Jeff's frown and giggling to himself. "Something funny Ben?" Jeff asked. Ben's gaze fell to the fridge and its contents, the blonde rummaging through it to search for non expired food.

"Oh nothing, it's just great to see you're changing your emo haircut after a decade. Never thought you'd grow out of it. Good job y/n."

Jeff gritted his teeth, a giggle escaping your lips. It was then the back door opened, revealing The Bloody Painter. His signature mask had been lifted and secured to his head, revealing his face. His bright blue eyes met yours, his gaze centering on you. "Well hello there y/n. You've matured quite a lot since the last time I saw you," He said, giving you a bright smile. Jeff didn't fail to notice this, his eyes narrowing. "Thanks. Living in a mansion full of boys will do that to you," You replied kindly. You continued to trim the ends of Jeffs hair, Ben slamming the fridge and grabbing a box of cereal. The Painter looked over at your steady hands, watching you trim Jeff's hair.

"I didn't know you cut hair," The Painter commented. You could hear Ben begin to crunch on his cereal, eating it by the handful. "She only cuts mine," Jeff barked. The Bloody Painter kept his cool, hardly acknowledging Jeff's matter of fact statement. "Well thats a shame, maybe you can make an exception sometime and cut mine," The Painter suggested. Jeff rose from his chair, shooting daggers at The Painter as he turned around. In a swift motion he grabbed your hand, dragging you out of the kitchen. "Jeff! I wasn't done!" You whined, scissors still in hand. He dragged you through the living room, his patience running too thin to make it to his bedroom. "Don't worry doll, i'll make sure you finish," Jeff growled.

He found the closest bathroom, opening the door and shoving you inside. You set the scissors aside, your arms crossing as Jeff shut the door and locked it. "Whats your problem? I only cut like half of that section!" You hissed. Jeff grabbed you by your throat, his fingers curling so intensely around your skin you audibly whimpered. "Do you get off on entertaining other guys? Hmm? Is that it?" He snarled. Your eyes widened, Jeff pushing you against the bathroom counter. You began to question him, the pale killer cutting you off before you could make a sound. "That stupid Painter was eye fucking you. How did you not see that?" Jeff questioned. He squeezed your neck tighter, a small whimper escaping your lips as you became light headed.

"Oh I see. Does seeing me get all hot and bothered rile my girl up? Make you all wet for me?" Jeff purred. You hadn't even thought of it that way, but your core only began throbbing more when Jeff planted his knee in between your thighs. "Well thats too damn bad. Knees, now," He ordered, shoving you down towards the floor. Your knees hit the tile harshly, promising to leave bruises the next day. You began to reach to fiddle with his belt. the pale killer slapping your hand away. "Did I say you could use your hands? Stupid slut," Jeff spat. He undid his own belt, admiring your eyes gleaming with submission.

"I-I just assumed-" You stuttered, Jeffs hand gripping your chin cutting you off. "I-I-I," Jeff mocked you. He bent over, grabbing your wrist and holding them behind your back. "All I need from you is to put your pretty mouth to use," Jeff said. He used his belt to tie your hands behind your back, your mouth running dry as you looked up at him. He undid his pants, his cock hard and leaking precum in front of your face. "Go on, make yourself useful," Jeff taunted. You kitten licked his slit, the pale killer holding back a groan. He grabbed your head roughly, forcing you down on his cock. You gagged as he hit the back of your throat, the sound gratifying to Jeffs ears.

Jeff's hips were merciless, the mere thought of The Bloody Painter talking to you sending him into a possessive frenzy. Usually Jeff wasn't as rough as this, but with each thrust he thought of anyone else seeing you like this. You were his. And he needed to make sure you knew it. Tears prickled out of the corner of your eyes, gagging as Jeff pounded your throat. Briefly he removed his cock from your throat, allowing you a brief moment to breathe. Saliva connected you to his cock, a thin string hanging between the two of you before he forced you back down onto his shaft. You struggled against your restraints, your jaw forced to fall slack as Jeff violated your throat as he pleased.

"You look so pretty with your mouth stuffed full of my cock," Jeff cooed. You felt his cock twitch, his orgasm coming faster than you expected. Jeff sensed this as well, pulling you away. "Nuh uh, want to you to watch me fuck you," Jeff chuckled darkly. He forced you to your feet, turning you away from him. His rough hands yanked down your shorts and panties, before grabbing your ass. He teasingly ran his fingers up and down your slit, grinning at the feeling of how wet you were for him. You groaned as he briefly brushed against your clit, your core throbbing for more. "Jeff I need more," You whined. Jeff pressed you against the counter, grabbing you by your throat.

"Look at yourself pretty girl. You're gonna get what you want," Jeff grinned. You made eye contact with him through the mirror, swallowing as he rubbed his tip up and down your slick. "Wait you aren't going to prep me?" You asked, becoming breathless. Jeff smirked as he began to push instead of you, your walls struggling to accommodate to his size. "I don't think you need it doll. After all, you were so cock hungry for The Painters dick I think you can handle mine," Jeff snickered. He pushed himself in slowly, deciding to have mercy for a brief moment. Your body trembled as he made his way inside of you. "So full, too full," You slurred, his cock bottoming out.

Jeff's hand slithered up to your mouth, bringing two fingers to your lips. "Suck them whore or I won't move," Jeff growled. You did as instructed, taking his fingers into your mouth. "There we go. Theres my obedient little whore," Jeff grunted, smiling with pride as he made eye contact with you in the mirror. He began to thrust inside of you, the feeling of your tongue swirling around his fingers only making him harder and more eager. You struggled to contain your sinful noises as Jeff pounded into you, the pain of being stretched out fading into an all too familiar pleasure. You watched Jeff in the mirror, his lip tucked between his teeth as he watched his cock side in and out of you.

"You're practically fucking milking me doll, fucking hell," Jeff panted. With his spare hand it made its way to your clit, drawing fast and sloppy circles around it. Your eyes fluttered closed, your thighs trembling as the cord inside of you tightened tighter and tighter. "Call yourself a slut, now," Jeff ordered. You forced yourself to meet his gaze, his pupils blown with lust. You swallowed, struggling to continue sucking his fingers. "I'maslut," You chanted, your words muffled by Jeff's long fingers. He shoved his fingers down your throat, relishing in the sound of you gagging as his cock abused your g spot. "That's it doll. That's fucking it. Do you think he could fuck you like this? Huh?" Jeff growled. You shook your head no, Jeff removing his fingers from your mouth.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you," Jeff chuckled. He took his hand and wrapped it around your neck, giving him more leverage to ram into you. "No! Only you Jeff. I swear, only you," You cried. You knew your orgasm was close, the pale killers fingers never slowing as they rounded your clit. "That's what I thought. Now why don't you let everyone know how good I make you feel and cum for me?" Jeff suggested, his suggestion more of an order. He had trained your body well, your orgasm washing over you as soon as you heard he had granted you permission. Your vision went white, Jeff's cock continuing to ram into you as you shook under him. He grunted your name as he came, pulling out his shaft and releasing on your ass and lower back.

He grinned as he looked at his painted masterpiece. Yeah, The Bloody Painter may have been a painter, but Jeff was an artist.

[jillgirlfriends]

Ambercunt Frefire

i find it so funny to read the comments from stupid amber fans, they think that she will beat charlie or she is on par with stu. oh my god, jill will beat her solo.. or rather, jill will not even stand on ceremony with her and will kill her with one shot to the head. i just saw that amber is brutality than roman ☠️.. have you forgotten what roman did to tom or have you not watched the movies at all? i am sure that almost all amber fans love her only for her looks, i am so tired of reading that people think that this slut has 5 or 6 kills, she has 3 kills, idiots. these stupid people do not even understand the characters and think that amber can do everything and everyone solo, she is not worth a dime. jill literally got to act 4, she fought 4 people at once and overpowered 3 of them, she did not even cry before she died and damn it, wes craven himself wanted to end the franchise with jill. amber is literally a trash can that constantly cries and throws tantrums like a child, amber is richie's dog, that's all.

amber fans ☠️☠️☠️

and also, I am the main hater of amber, live with it. I say this specifically to the inadequate fanatics of amber, I will not lick this bitch's ass like you and I, unlike you, at least try to understand the characters and do not like them only for their appearance

sorry for writing all this, but i'm so tired of fucking stupid amber fans who just literally shove this gas stove EVERYWHERE and get offended if it's not there. this is really not normal, amber fans are already going too far and they literally insult other characters. your amber is not even in the top 10, she will always be in last place. want to argue with me? write me a private message, i have a lot to say and prove.

she's literally not even pretty and literally looks like a clown

[redheartedtramp]

Scenario: Ruby is in her PJs and walking around the corner, holding her scythe. She turns the corner, pointing Crescent Rose to the intruder and seeing...her mom? Sort of?

Ruby: Who are you?! And why do you look like my Mom?!

Summer?: I know this is gonna sound weird, but you have to believe me...I'm you. From the future.

Ruby: ...Seriously?

Future!Ruby: Yes. Ask my anything.

Ruby: Who broke Dad's favorite pan when I was 10?

Future!Ruby: Uncle Qrow. You took the blame cause you knew Dad would go easier on you.

Ruby: What was my locker combination in Beacon?

Future!Ruby: 91913.

Ruby: Who did I masturbate to after prom?!

Future!Ruby: Trick question! You were jilling it to the 2001 "All Tanks" Monthly!

Ruby: ...Holy shit, you are me! How old are you?!

Future!Ruby: I'm you from...how old are you?

Ruby: 17.

Future!Ruby: Oh, wow. I'm 47.

Ruby: Wow...wait, you're me in 30 years?!

Ruby: ...You don't look nearly 50.

Future!Ruby: That's the Xiao Long genes, baby.

Ruby: Okay, so I stay hot in the future. Why are you here?

Future!Ruby: I'm here to get memes.

Ruby: ...What?

Future!Ruby: Right, okay, so, like, in about 6 months time, before we beat Salem, she gives a final 'fuck you' and destroys the economy. All money, worthless. Remnant devolves into a barter system before memes become the new currency.

Ruby: Memes?

Future!Ruby: Okay, so, remember Philosiraptor? Those dumb captions with a dinosaur picture and stuff like "oh, well, if we put Pokemon in the PC, does that make it a digimon"?

Ruby: Hahahahaha! Oh man, those were funny back in Middle School...wait, that's the new currency?!

Future!Ruby: Yup. And I'm gonna download all these prime memes and sell them in my time and make it rich, baby! I'm gonna retire and get a sky yacht!

Ruby: Oooh, sky yacht...wait, fuck, go back. We beat Salem?!

Future!Ruby: Oh, yeah, we cut her head off. Turns out 'immortality' doesn't come with 'regeneration'. Now she's a head in a jar.

Ruby: Aw. You should have-

Future!Ruby: Mounted her over our mantle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was my suggestion. Lost the vote.

[saintofdaggers]

so we all know and love 'KILLING IS DISTASTEFUL!! …to me' but here are some other comedy gold moments from Saw V that I hold very dear

Strahm saying "fuck you" to a dead body

him getting Sawtrapped immediately after he ignores being told to stay put

"Peewee... shit."

one of the guys in the elevator shaking his head in disapproval when Hoffman blocks the way (actually Hoffman getting more and more nervous through that entire scene is pretty funny)

when John pulls the syringe out of Hoffman's neck and it makes a blade sound effect

"Relax!" "I AM FUCKING RELAXED!"

"What sort of shady shit have you been up to, hm?" "I'm a senior VP for a real estate development company." "So you're boring too" (and Brit's little :/ face when she hears that)

Charles says that he works for The Herald like he expects a Pulitzer any day and Mallick just goes "That's a massive accomplishment? You work for a gossip rag?" (get him <3)

when Luba tells Mallick to get in the bathtub that will very much kill him if he does and he says "Yeah, I'm more of a shower guy"

(actually, what the fuck kind of swamp sludge bath bomb did Hoffman put in that tub to make the water look that gross? I wouldn't get in there either even if it wasn't a Saw trap)

Brit stabbing Luba and clearly not giving a single fuck that she just killed someone

Hoffman solemnly saying "Nobody made it" and immediately hearing "We got a live one!"

Paul just no-selling Hoffman attacking him during his kidnapping (get him <3)

John recording his last message to Jill in his Jigsaw robe

this exchange when Brit and Mallick realize they screwed themselves over by killing off the others during their test: "Oh, whoops..." "Big fucking whoops"

genuinely my favorite Saw movie ever

[whyse7vn]

MR BANG? -

[ot7 x reader]

DRUGGIES

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

jk: be honest do you guys love me

cuz why did you let me do a song with central cee…

yoongi: wanted to laugh

y/n: you didn’t even tell me

hobi: i actually begged you not to if i remember correctly!

jimin: what is central cee??

jin: what are we taking about

tae: when he said “im not a her father” it really resonated with me cuz i’m also not her father

y/n: who is her?

hobi: the block b song?

jk: wish i was her

jimin: central cee?? do i know central cee?? is this like jack hammer’s cousin or something

jin: tf is jack hammer?

yoongi: jack harlow

y/n: jack and jill something about a hill

jin: what is actually going on

hobi: too much!!!!

jk: did you like the song tho

yoongi: no!

jk: minus jack harlow

y/n: you did another song with jack harlow??

jk: i mean central cee

hobi: celery

jimin: TF IS A CENTRAL CEE??????

jin: wow i’m loosing my mind

jin added namjoon to “DRUGGIES”

tae: that’s not namjoons number

jin: yes it is

tae: omg wait

why do have two namjoons in my contacts??

jin: idk tf

leave me alone

namjoon: i am done interacting with you guys outside of work hours

jimin: do you know central cee namjoon?

hobi: we have work hours?

tae: why do i actually have 2 namjoons

i’m freaking out

do you have a twin joon?????

namjoon: no

tae: ok but why do i have two of you then??

explain that

i bet you can’t

namjoon: stop talking to me

now.

y/n: now.

hobi: that was so alpha x reader of you joonie

yoongi: x reader?

tae: alpha???

jk: namjoon has a twin?

jin: ew

someone kill it

tae: should i add the twin to the gc?

y/n: no

jk: yesssss!!!

tae added Bang PD to “DRUGGIES”

jimin: oh

tae: hello namjoons twin!!

quick question when we had that threesome did you happen to feel anything??

namjoom: OH MY GOD???

namjoon changed the gc name to “bts💜”

tae: just want to know if that twin telepathy stuff is real

hobi: do you even know what telepathy is?

tae: yeah

jimin: i highly doubt that actually!

tae: come on joon number 2 you can tell me!!!

bang pd: Wow Taehyung and Namjoon have had a threesome together?

That is what you guys do on your days off?

namjoon: HES JOKING sir lol!!

i am so sorry idk why he even said that

tae: sir lmao??????

don’t tell me ur the younger twin 😭

yoongi: wow he’s dumb as fuck

y/n: ??omg

mr bang!!!!!!!!

bff what are you doing here???

tae: what?

Bang PD: Y/n ☺️!!!

I actually have no idea it seems Taehyung has added me in here under the impression i am Namjoons twin?

tae: oh my god…….

OH MY GOD….

OH MY GOD

jin: yeah

Bang PD: It’s ok i can leave if you would like me too.

y/n: don’t be silly you can stay!!!!!!!

namjoon: sir don’t worry you can stay! we don’t really talk much here anyways

jk: yes we do

why is he lying

namjoon: no we don’t

jk: ???????

we talk here everyday

basically every hour

omg just like my song

every hour

every minute

every second

hehhehehe

jimin: yk jk can’t take a hint

idk why ur trying namjoon

namjoon: so how was your day sir?

Bang PD: It was good thanks for asking!

How was yours?

namjoon: busy as usual!

jk: why is he lying again

he was at our house

wasn’t he y/n??

he didn’t even do anything

he just sat there…

Bang PD: Oh?

namjoon: HA HA HA WOW JUNGKOOK UR SO FUNNY

wow classic jungkook!!!

don’t be silly you know i was in the studio working on the song coming out soon ha ha lol

jimin: i’m telling you he’s not gonna get it…

jk: is namjoon ok?

why is he acting strange

and lying

bet it’s the coke 😭

y/n: LMAO

not funny

Bang PD: Ha i hope that’s a joke jungkook😂

namjoon: IT IS

IT REALLY IS HA LOL

rigHT GUYs??????

hobi: HA HA HA JUNGKOOK UR SO FUNNY WOW UR HILARIOUS ACTUALLY WOW LOL

yoongi: ???

oh

yeah

sooooo funny lol

jin: 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

jimin: wow ur so silly jungkook!

tae: LOOOOOOOL

jk: i’m not joking

namjoon: you are

jk: i’m not :(

namjoon: i’m telling you

you are

jk: why

Bang PD: Sorry guys as much fun as it was talking to you all i must leave now.

I hope you all enjoy your weekend and don’t cause too much trouble haha

The leaked chats was enough drama for this year!!!

y/n: ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

leaving so soon

bye bff

namjoon: goodbye sir please take care of yourself and we will definitely keep out of troubles way haha

right guys???

tae: ig

jimin: ofc bye mr bang ☺️!

jin: yes no trouble for us !!

even thought it wasn’t even my fault LOL

bye mr bang💓

yoongi: yup 👍🏻

bye

hobi: no trouble no drama!! it was nice speaking to you!!!

jk: GOODBYE MR BANG 😆

Bang PD: and before i go y/n i hope you and Jaehyun are doing well ❤️

Bang PD left “bts💜”

yoongi: huh

jin: OHMYGOD??/?:£7.

namjoon: um

jimin: HELPPPPPPPCPFFOFOFOLFK

jk: NO SAY THIS IS FUCKING FAKE OHMUGOD

hobi: wait plot twist

tae: SHUT THE FUCK UP????????????????

y/n: wow um

that’s CRAZY wow

WHAT A FUCKING SNAKE BTW

but um

wow

i swear i can explain!

WOOOOW

UM

ok maybe i can’t lol

wow

y/ns first time left speechless 😱

first time for everything hahahaha

ok that wasn’t funny

soooo like wooooowww that was crazy

why did tae have mr bang saved under joons name ??

he’s so silly am i right or am i right??

jk: i’m going to kill myself

tae: i’ve never fallen to my knees so hard before

yoongi: nct lame as hell

namjoon: so are you dating him or?????

jk: IS THIS WHY yOU HAVENT KISSED ME IN LIKE 4MONTHS?/£:&;&; OH MY GOD

IM GONNA YEHSNDCN XNDJCJJSKFJJDMDIXJCJVK

THERE IS ANOTHER MAN

IM GOJNA KMS

IOHMXUXUDICICJDNDJCJ

y/n: ok so basically

y/n left “bts💜”

jimin: she’s so real for that

hobi: feminism

jin: LWMSODOOFO

yoongi added y/n to “bts💜”

namjoon: let’s move on

yoongi: no wtf???

y/n: hi guys !!!😁😁😁😁😁

hobi: in my baggy baggy baggy baggy baggy baggy jeans

jimin: be honest was try again about you

hobi: pls remember my answer is you 😉

jin: thought she liked mark lee

tae: she liked me once

sighs

jk: sHE LIKED MEFIRST

yoongi: yeah now ur lying

jimin: ohmygod cat fight!!!!!!

namjoon: now is not the time guys

hobi: look at joon trying to be the voice of reason

we know you mad asf rn don’t pretend 😭

namjoon: shut the fuck up both of you

jin: i’m on y/ns side i support women’s rights and wrongs!!!!

y/n: I AM NOT IN THE WRONG

jin: yeah ok you go girl!!!!!

yoongi: u saying ur not in the wrong is crazy lmao

jimin: NOO CUZZ WHY THEY FR FIGHTING JIN HOBI ARE YOU SEEING THIS

hobi: LAMSKDKKDODNDJSKSJD

THIS IS CRAZYYY

jin: TEAM Y/N!!!!!!!!!!

namjoon: stop

hobi: yk what didn’t stop

y/n when she made jaehyun her boyfriend

jimin: LAMOSDODOODODODJ

jin: HELP ME OHMUGOFJDJDJXB

y/n: okay guys shut the fuck up 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

—

okay LMAO this was clearly an unfinished work lmao but it was so silly not to post LIKE??? and this was obviously written right after too much came out and then i edited a little of it today but yeah still hope it was silly and cool enough for you all >\\\&lt;

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @indigobsessed @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @yojaschill @k4ngelz @jmnscutie

[the-master-of-space-and-time]

At least the one junior is doing comes with a cat. Well, normally does.

In the future you get a female regeneration who makes out with the doctor for like 30 seconds in front of his companion, how do you feel about that?

It fills me with hope, that he doesn't leave me again.

[purpledusty]

Jill, with a paper in hand: Are Claire and Rebecca the only college graduates on the team?

Claire: I never finished college, it's just Rebecca

Chris:

Chris: You WHAT?

Jill: I thought you went back to college after you found Chris?

Claire: After two zombie outbreaks and possible PTSD it was hard to stand in a room full of people staring at the blackboard.

Barry: The fact that we never went to your college graduation makes sense now

Chris: Why did you never tell me this??

Claire: *shrugs*

Jill: So just Rebecca?

Rebecca: Me and Leon

Leon: Me? Oh yes, police academy, i forgot about that

Chris: how did you forget that?

Jill, writing down on the paper: Okay, everyone went to high school right?

Sherry: ...A bad time to mention I never went to high school?

Jill: okay, but everyone here did elementary school, right?

Jake: ...I have a funny story to tell you guys

[thelonelyrainbowguy]

The Silver Chair is so funny because Aslan’s like “here’s your directions 🗺️” and Jill’s like “oh I’ll definitely remember” and then immediately fucks up every single turn and walks straight into traps every time but they still somehow manage to save Rilian and escape the Giants and the Underworld