#but westminister fucking hell no

[the-master-of-space-and-time]

At least the one junior is doing comes with a cat. Well, normally does.

In the future you get a female regeneration who makes out with the doctor for like 30 seconds in front of his companion, how do you feel about that?

It fills me with hope, that he doesn't leave me again.

[mrmrswales]

Why are people soo fucking dumb?

"If so and so were still here, they should be the ones going with C&C to visit the DNRC "

You idiotic nincompoop.. the DNRC is William's patronage.. has been his patronage for YEARS..

The DNRC's new building was built thanks to a 50million dollar donation from the late Duke of Westminister, aka husband to William's godmother Natalia, Duchess of Westminster.. also father to the current duke Hugh Grosvenor, who is godfather to George...

Fucking hell.. read a book.. fuck open Google and stop talking out of your asses

[queerlyhalloween]

Here's the email I sent to my fucking cringe government's stupid transphobic proposal, and here's the template i adapted it from along with the email address if you want to help us out over here. The hardest part was pretending ive ever been proud to live in the UK and civilly appealing to some tory aid's sense of moraility as if it fucking exists. Ugh, hell government.

"To the poor sap reading all these,

I'm a person who at one point was proud to live in this country, but after reading yet another constitutional change proposed by a government seemingly invested in making the lives of the UK's most vulnerable actively worse (more specifically the proposed changes outlined in ‘Toilets for men and women’) you've forced me to write a long email.

This consultation is, once more, a violent attack on the rights of transgender, intersex, and Gender Non Conforming (GNC) people.

There is no evidence that cisgender people face increased violence in gender neutral toilet facilities. In fact, as every gender neutral toliet I've used consists of an individual room (always with the inclusion of sanitary bins, since I have a feeling whichever speaker drafted 'toliets for men and women' has never used a gender neutral toliet outside the one in their own home. Or perhaps not even realised the facilities they're using are gender neutral), I'd argue that they're safer than the traditional stalls avalible in F/M toliets.

On the other hand, a poll conducted by the UK charity stonewall revealed that almost half of trans people (48%) that were polled, don’t feel comfortable using public toilets, as a result of verbal abuse, intimidation, and physical assault (LGBT in Britain Trans Report, Stonewall UK, 2018). I, personally, have been attacked in a woman's toliet, by a cis woman, despite being assigned female at birth because I am non-binary and GNC. The culture of rampant transphobia in this country is so strong that transphobes are willing to contradict their own rules "only those assigned female at birth should use women's toliets" if it means they can harm a transgender individual.

I am an allumni of *MY UNIVERSITY NAME* and it's LGBT+ society, I have worked with this group, the LGBT+ homelessness charity GISDA and the wider local community both during my studies and now, years after graduating. I cannot count how many times I've escorted my trans friends home from a pub, cinema or other places that are supposed to provide joy, because they're been threatened both verbally and physically, for simply needing to use the loo. I know a woman who's been unable to use a public bathroom since she came out due to fear of being killed, except in the local Costa Coffee which has a gender neutral bathroom. Is this culture of violence one you want to encourage in the UK?

The policing of gender in toilets is a wasteful use of government funds, that could be used actually helping the groups 'toliets for men and women' claims to be helping (if you really want to provide more toliet facilities and assist those with disabilities, then ban toliets with turnstyles which require a coin to enter and make radar keys more accessible/ remove the need for radar keys entirely by having accessible toliets... accessible). This is yet another piece of conservative legislation that hinders rather than helps, by bringing unwarranted attention to a biased, prejudicial ‘debate’ resulting from a wider climate of sharply rising transphobia in the UK.

As stated in the consultation: ‘The Equality Act provides that sex, age, disability and gender reassignment are protected characteristics.’ I would like to highlight that the Equality Act of 2010 also serves to protect those who are discriminated because they are wrongly perceived to be trans (including many Black women, butch women and lesbians, GNC people and intersex people), many of whom face abuse and discrimation due to a combination of racism and gender policing, and therefore rely on gender neutral toilets as a safer alternative. Whilst this is not yet in the Equality Act, GNC and nonbinary people (including disabled nonbinary people) should also be entitled to gender neutral toilets, or to their personal preference of gendered facility.

The consultation also states that “Women need safe spaces given their particular health and sanitary needs (for example, women who are menstruating, pregnant or at menopause)”. The cisnormative and intersexist nature (implying that gender always equals which reproductive organs and hormones a person has) of this statement statement completely excludes the experience of trans men, intersex people and GNC people who menstruate / are pregnant / at menopause, such as myself and countless others. It also harms cis women who may have different/ non-functional reproductive organs and hormones due to medical conditions such as PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). The government’s continued erasure of already marginalised groups of people serves to reiterate the inequality in distribution of public resources privileging cisgender people. Which in turn coincides with a rapid rise in fascism in the UK.

As a nonbinary person, I have not only felt safer using gender neutral toliets, but the UK government's continued attempts to make the lives of transgender individuals harder (the recent ban of transgender children being allowed to transition until they're over 18, even with the support of their doctors and families, is going to cause a rise in child suicide, by the way) has actively made me feel like my fellow countrymen, the BBC - who insist on hosting 'debates' giving transphobic individuals with no knowledge of our struggles a platform - and westminister despise me.

The consultation states that you want to ensure that everyone is fairly served. I'd urge you to seriously consider the negative effects that the removal of gender neutral toilets will have on the following groups - Black women, lesbian / butch women, trans and nonbinary people, GNC people, and disabled trans people - all of whom experience adverse levels of violence due to the effects of gender policing, and the compounded effect of racism, which threatens many women of colour due to racist ideas of femininity, but I have a feeling this is what our conservative government wants in the first place.

It is apparent that through this consultation the government has aligned itself with groups who intend to curb the rights of transgender people in the UK. It is dog whistle politics, focusing on the scapegoating of marginalised people rather than the issue at hand; increasing access to public toilet facilities. Gender neutral toilets are beneficial for a range of people and situations - for example, parents with children of a different gender (including same sex couples and single parents who don't have the option of "waiting for their partner to do it"), those who care for people of a different gender; some disabled people who have a carer of a different gender, and both cisgender and transgender people who experience gender presentation scrutiny in public spaces.

So I implore you to prove me wrong for once, to prove you care about every person in the UK - not just the people that fit into a narrow-minded view of what it means to be British. The easiest way to do this is to NOT steamroll ahead with the removal of gender neutral toilets, but to understand that these spaces are not only safe but absolutely vital in the protection of so many people’s basic human rights. These spaces simply must exist for the benefit of marginalised peoples who already face disproportionate levels of violence and abuse across the four nations.

The government claims that the intention for this consultation is to provide ‘dignity and respect for all’. I demand that they truly provide this dignity and respect by listening to the voices and needs of trans people and others who'll be caught in the crossfire of this not so subtle transphobic legislation.

I implore you to do the right thing.

Adryn *SURNAME*."

[highbuttonsports]

Nova Scotia: A Lacrosse Powerhouse?! A blogging attempt

What’s up everyone? Millsy here. I always knew the day would come when I would stop doubting myself and actually give this writing thing a try. I’ve always loved to do it.. and while I don’t usually share my writing with others, I have been complimented on the work I have shared. I have always found it to come naturally to me. I’ve told my wife in the past that I’m going to make a living off of writing… “that requires you to start writing something” was her last response. Touché.

So here I am, shooting my shot. No experience, not a clue at all. I’m just hoping I spell everything correctly and use some decent size words. But before I do dive into this and without sounding too much like a life coach. Please don’t doubt yourself! If you’re reading this and you want to pursue something, please pursue it. It’s what I’m doing right now! You can be your own worst enemy if you let yourself. Regret is an ugly thing and I hope that this helps someone else…So if you’re still reading this, thank you! I hope you enjoy it. Let’s give this a friggin whirl wha?

I reached out to Justin at The High Button about maybe doing some blogging for the brand, after seeing a post that they were looking for people to do that type of content. I am looking to cover sports locally, at the amateur level and professional leagues as well. I love all sports and I thought I could tie my passion for writing into that. Hopefully I can post more of me rambling on so I can give some MLB picks and NHL as well. I’m completely obsessed with golf but don’t like to bet it for the most part. Tiger for the next two majors though..cash it in! Big cat baby let’s go!!

I’ve known Justin for some time now through Lacrosse. We both played locally in the minor leagues here in the Halifax region, myself for Dartmouth and Justin with Halifax Northwest. We played against each other all the way through the Metro Minor Lacrosse League and eventually in the Junior A league here locally, the East Coast Junior Lacrosse League (ECJLL). Growing up, I always knew who Justin was.. this kid Belly has some sick mittens with a lacrosse stick let me tell ya. Absolute sniper.

I definitely have been fortunate to see lacrosse from all angles. From playing the game until 21, then transitioning into coaching at the Junior A level. Most recently though I have been spending the last several years refereeing the game at the Junior and Senior level, along with all minor lacrosse. This game has exploded in this province and I thought I could shed some light on that growth. I’ve seen a lot over the past 20+ years of being involved with this great game. Going to try string a couple paragraphs together here about that journey.

I was first shown lacrosse by my father Kevan Mills. Big Millsy. What a legend. He showed me the game at a young age and I was obsessed right away. However back then in 1997-98 it wasn’t really a sport that any kid was pursuing as their main sport. Even in early teen years, it was always just the summer sport to hockey. A lot of the guys just picked up their sticks and went to the rink. I however could never get enough of it. My dad would take me when he was refereeing and I would always have my stick for in between periods to throw the ball around. This was when we had a six team senior league in Nova Scotia and New Brunswick. I would go to the games for those ten minute intermissions so I could get a free floor to myself, I loved it.

That Senior league (MSMLL Maritime Senior Men’s Lacrosse League) was my first taste of high end lacrosse in the area. At single digit years old it was obviously the lacrosse I wanted to play when I got to be that age. What I failed to realize at that age is that the minor leagues were just not growing at the grass roots level. This makes it hard to maintain any sort of high caliber leagues. Eventually the MSMLL folded, and sometimes Junior A benches had no more than 10 runners on them. The bantam and midget leagues were scary. Dark times for high end lacrosse in Nova Scotia.

Guys like Steve Brown, Sean Harrison, Wayne Finck and Bruce Hamilton and many, many others deserve a lot of credit for keeping lacrosse on life support during those dark times. Those names were a huge part of my young lacrosse life and also a big part of why lacrosse has seen the growth it has here. If you would have told me when I was 15 or 16 that in 15 years Nova Scotia would have players playing for NCAA titles, top Canadian universities or in the top Junior leagues in Ontario, or that we would send teams to national competition and compete with Lacrosse juggernauts. Abso-fucking-lutley not! But here we are.

Year after year there are more players I am hearing about who are pursing lacrosse collegiately. Whether in Canada or in the United States. Either that or they exploring their options for better box lacrosse in Canada. Or both. This is ultimately putting Scotia on the map. In addition to the individual success, Team Nova Scotia is also always well represented at the national level. From Peewee all the way up to the Presidents cup (the Canadian national Senior B championship) along with sending multiple talented teams to the Founders cup in recent years (the Canadian national Junior B championship) having great success there, hosting the tournament in 2014.

With so many options available to these Nova Scotian players now; I’d like to highlight some of the local players who have taken their lacrosse skills on to get an education and play at the highest level they can.

Brian Huyghue:

Brian is product of the Halifax Hurricanes Lacrosse association. As an ECJLL alum, he plays his college Lacrosse as a senior attackman for the Divison II powerhouse Limestone College Saints in South Carolina. The Saints are 5 time DII champions most recently in 2017 in Brian’s sophomore season. In 2019 they came up short on a sixth title, losing to Merrimack in the national championship game. Brian tallied 28 goals and 24 assists in 21 contests this season at Limestone. Brian has an phenomenal outside shot, great stick skills and is very quick and deceptive in the way he beats defenders.

Jordan McKenna

Jordan played all his minor lacrosse for the Dartmouth Bandits. He was granted exceptional status to play in the ECJLL in 2016 as a midget putting up 34 points in 13 games. His true rookie season in 2017, Jordan spilt time between the Junior B and Junior A Northmen in Orangeville, Ontario. 2018 saw McKenna return to the ECJLL for 6 games notching a very impressive 40 points. The Junior A Northmen are lucky to have Jordan for the 2019 box lacrosse season. Jordan has finished his high school lacrosse this season at Westminister in Connecticut. He has committed to Bryant university; a D1 program in Rhode Island for the 2020-21 season. The Halifax Mooseheads also drafted him in the 2016 QMJHL draft. His lacrosse IQ and his vision on the floor make Jordan very lethal offensively.

Zac Carrigan

Zac played his minor lacrosse for the Sackville Wolves and is currently a member of the Sackville Sportswheels Junior A Wolves of the ECJLL. During the school year Zac plays his college ball as a midfielder for the Mars Hill University Lions. A Divison II program in North Carolina. During Zac’s sophomore season this year at Mars Hill, he was named an All South Atlantic Conference honorable mention. Carrigan tucked a team high 34 goals, adding 14 assists. His 48 points was second on his team in scoring. Zac is an excellent outside shooter and his offensive upside makes him a threat to score or create a scoring chance every shift.

This a just a small sample size of the lacrosse talent in this province. It’s insane. I referee all three of those players and the difference in their games since going away is amazing. American coaches have embraced the fact that Canadian players have a certain skill set that can be very helpful to the outdoor game. The three players above are prime examples of that.

I am not even mentioning the many players who currently; or have played at the university/college level outside of Atlantic Canada throughout North America. We also have some local players trying out…and making some of the best box lacrosse teams in Ontario at the Junior level. It’s been pretty cool to see our talent stack up with the rest of Canada, and now with American schools as well.

It’s been a hell of a ride watching this sport grow to where it is now. I’ve seen it go from not even knowing if we would have teams to fill certain divisions. Eventually it moved into having some select leagues and tryouts. More kids started playing the game, opportunities were capitalized on and so much hard work went into it. Currently our Junior A league now has six teams with one in New Brunswick, one in Truro and 4 locally in HRM. We have a four team Senior league again, the NSSLL. Which by the way is no joke. The word senior is misleading eh, these boys can BALL. I see you boys. Some of the best lacrosse you can enjoy for free. I will post more about this league but Tuesday’s and Thursday’s at the RBC centre in Dartmouth is serious lacrosse. The best players around over 21.

Some of the senior guys around here, and the odd junior player have even competed internationally in Prague, Czech Republic. The Nova Scotia Privateers are a travel team, that have been attending the Aleš Hřebeský Memorial Lacrosse tournament in Prague for over 10 years. This team has enjoyed great success placing second in 2018. Nova Scotia native Mitch Hannigan was named top goalie of the tournament in 2018 along with Matt Dunbar being named a defensive all star. Taking home a defensive all star in 2019 was former Halifax Northwest Rebel Jasper Goodwin. Local guy Luke Parker, and Coach Rod Humphreys deserve a little butt tap as well. Parker is a staple on the Privateers roster and a dominant senior player. Check out episode 197 of The High Button for his story. Humphreys deserves tremendous credit for his work with senior lacrosse, and making the Privateers competitive every year. So yeah, we’re competing globally now. I think that’s decent?

Also a huge shout out to the female lacrosse in Nova Scotia which is kicking butt at all levels! Way to go ladies. The peewee, bantam, midget and junior girls divisions have gotten extremely competitive. Female players from the area are now also exploring their options to play and continue their education. We are also competing nationally with Team Nova Scotia at most age groups for female. My oldest daughter is excited to get started! So awesome to see.

As if the growth of the game in this province wasn’t awesome enough, come December this whole damn city will be playing catch on their lunch breaks. December 2019 marks the inaugural season of the Halifax Thunderbirds. The National flipping Lacrosse League is here boys and girls! It was confirmed in February that Halifax is set to receive the NLL franchise which will be relocating from Rochester, New York. The Knighthawks have been very successful in Rochester winning three consecutive Champions Cups (2012, 13 and 14). The Thunderbirds are set to begin play in December at the Scotiabank Centre, where they will have 9 home games. With 9 games played on the road as well. This is monumental for the game of lacrosse in Nova Scotia. With all the success the province has had; I can only imagine what adding a professional team in our backyard will do for new registration. The Thunderbirds are pouring gas on an already fired up lacrosse community. I encourage all lacrosse fans new and old to get tickets and check it out. The atmosphere is amazing, they play music the whole game and of course serve booze. I promise you will love lacrosse when you watch it at this level and in this environment. Fun for the whole family!

So I guess if you asked me to describe the evolution of lacrosse over the last 20 years in Nova Scotia: I could have just told you it’s been incredible. But then I wouldn’t have gotten to write all this and embarrass myself. The state of the game is in a good place here, and I���m in a good place with how I’m involved with it. Officiating has given me a better outlook on the game. It puts a little money in my pocket but more importantly it keeps involved with a game that I love and has given me so much. Most of the coaches in the ECJLL I have either played with or against. Most of the players in the NSSLL I have either played with or against, and I love seeing the new faces come into Junior every year. I think most of the guys will tell ya that when I’m reffing the communications lines are open. Im going to always let you play lacrosse and deal with everyone the same. So yeah, I love how I’m involved, hope the boys love seeing me!

So there ya have it. My first attempt at any sort of writing for an audience. Hopefully that audience isn’t all related to me. There’s way more where that came from though. I’m hoping to turn this into maybe a weekly thing; to give you guys all that’s going on in local and professional sports. Feedback is much appreciated!

For now I’m signing off, thanks for scrolling.

Millsy

Jun 7th, 2019

[deliciousobservationbird]

Ian Blackford isn't just the MVP, he’s THE motherfucking MP. Honestly screw May for screwing over Scotland. There’s a special place in hell for her and English filibuster’s who take up all the time allocated for a debate on SCOTTISH devolution and powers. ALSO Tories yell at the Westminister leader of the 3rd largest party in the UK to commit suicide???

This is a fucking joke. 

[greythroat]

i love this post.

sorry to jump on this but i wanna add some comments:

-borscht and spaghetti: borscht was at the very end of spaghetti's story, and iirc she was helping him with the wish granting thing but i don't remember

-apple pie and american corn bread: likely because they're both american and their shared event

-fs with sunglasses: wait who the fuck??? please dm me a picture

-mango and orange: i am dying to know who those men in black were. also the whole adoption center thing and the gambling earl, which reminds me of sandwich and popcorn

-nasi: she doesn't know them??? omg... i need to know more...

-sweet tofu and black tea: from black tea's story they clearly knew each other before and tofu was like, "you were so attractive before, you could have made me so excited before" like yeah what before??? excuse me???

-seaweed and yunnan: ikr

my own questions about lore:

-what is boston up to in the main storyline

-is westminister whiskey?

-why don't we talk about the vodka spaghetti parallels

-why do mung bean soup and jiuniang have skins that look like each other

-what the hell is dream energy

-what was the truth of eden park???

-what was the jester behind pizza in his skin

-who is jinhua ham

-how did mango meet her current ma?

-who was the blonde girl in mango's story

-what was pastel doing before he was traveling?

lore stans please help

Dop tenn food fantasy mysteries

i’m not enyirely conscious rn so yeah im prbly wrong

why are plum juice and zongzi linked?

where the fuck did beggar rice’s headband come frm in his ascended artwork

who is the masked man in milt’s backstory?

what the fuck is whiskey

what is borscht’s connection to spaghetto?

why does beggar’s chicken have a linked skill with sakuramochi?

why are apple pie and american cornbread linked? (backstories do not mention each other)

WHAT HAPPENED TO PALATA AFTER THE ROYAL FAMILY DIED OUT

what are the circumstances of the palata gloriville war?

does whiskey have a connection to the academy???

WHAT THE HELL IS MUNG BEAN’S MASTER ATTENDANT DOING WITH FALLEN ANGEL EXPERIMENTS IN PALATA

will butter tea ever find seasame taffy

is it really whiskey that gave sukiyaki’s master attendant’s daughter the ill fated book?

WILL NATTO CURE HIS DEPRESSION AND WILL BEG CHICKEN PAT HIM ON THE BACK

who is that food soul sprite with the sunglasses???

will bibimbap ever find a way back to her master attendant and cure him with huangshan??

will huangshan ever restore osmanthus’s memories of her previous life

WILL RICE EVER GET HER MEMORIES BACK

will the shadowy figures stalking orange juice in mango pudding’s backstory ever be revealed……

WHAT KINDA RELATION DOES NASI HAVE WITH ORANGE JUICE MANGO PUDDING AND JELLO NONE OF THEM HAVE HER IN THEIR BACKSTORIES AND NONE OF THEM SHOW UP IN HER BACKSTORY

will we ever find cold rice shrimp’s mom??

will sake ever leave his room

will tempura ever get back the money miso stole frm him

will pineapple bun ever meet her beloved author milk tea???

will we ever get the backstory connection why black tea hates sweet tofu (i mean the clearly hate each other but they obviously have history and what the fuck is up with sweet’s behavior towards her??)

will salty ever not hate sweet (or maybe he’ll vore him first)

WILL BUDDHA’S TEMPTATION EVER TAKE DOWN THE CORRUPT GOVERNMENT AND INSTITUTE REVOLUTION

are we ever gonna find wuchang fish the eternal freedom fighter

what the fuck is going on with pipi????? second batch of experiments???? bitch????

DRAGONWELL TEA????/ WHAT THE FUCK

WHO WERE THE DISFIGURED FOOD SOULS WANDERING AROUND LIKE ANIMALS IN MUNG BEAN’S BACKSTORY

WHY DID MUNG’S MA LEAVE HER BEHIND YET KEEP THE CONTRACT ACTIVE

who is that mysterious food soul in vodka’s backstory????

WHY WAS OYSTERS SO BADLY INJURED WHEN BEER FOUND HIM AND WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE A MECHA PILOT

wht the hell is pretzel up to??? why is he unpredictable???

why does canele have a linked skill with macaron? where backstory link???

why do we keep on shelling out money for our waifoods

why does tort have a linked skill with seaweed soup like will she ever have interactions with other food souls

same goes towards yunnan noodles

actually what is going on with the academy like at all

what the fuck is this political georgaphy

feel free to add onnnnnn

[escribirmesana-blog]

Deleting a memory

So this is the thing. Since im going to a psychiatrist and taking my meds I’m so much better. I do not only feel bettter but I’m also capable of seing how messed up, not only me, but my life was before. Until now. I’m putting order in my life. Step by step. One of the first, if not the first thing I did, was breaking up every messed up relationship I had in my life. It was hard but I knew I had to do it, for myself. For my self love, that I didn’t even knew until now. There where three guys making my life miserable. My first love, my friend that got out of the friend zone just to had the worst, most self destructive “thing” I ever had before, because, now I see that what we had wasn’t even a relationship, and then there was you. The last man I loved, that I really really loved with my entire heart and soul, with my whole life. My so called prince charming, “the one”, my perfect, smart, funny and hot british love. You where the last relationship that I got away from. I tried to denied it, to make up excuses about your latest behavior since October. I remember the exact day that everything changed, the day we fell apart, and my whole world with us. I didn’t wanted to do it, because even though you broke my heart into literally a million pieces and then danced on top of it, I stil love you with every heart bit of that heart, that I unsuccessfully, tried to put together. I still love you so much it hurts me. It makes me ache, it makes me go insane. And your indifference is killing me. The worst part is that I know you still care. I know you are still watching over me. I can’t see you, but I can feel you. I know you also love me, I know that I was as special to you as you were to me. And I am well aware that you did what you did because you kinda felt trapped, because you where afraid. Because out of nowhere, after a year, I was there, and you freaked out. But that doesn’t makes up for the fact of how you did it. How yo broke my heart by ending it all with the sweetest words, like the good writer you are. How you told me to see each other the next day and then disappeared completely after that, that last message. I didn′t saw you or heard from you at all. For what I knew, you could have died. You disappeared and left me alone in a huge city that I haven’t been alone before, with no one but myself. I was so broken hearted that I decided to take a tour to keep my head bussy but I couldn’t enjoy anything. I confused every single guy with dark hair walking on the streets with you. I cried on the big ben, on the victoria bridge, on the parlament, on the palace of buckinham. I cried all over London. I cried and cried and cried. And you knew it, you knew I was there and you didn’t care. After all we had, after all the obstacles we have been through, after every thing I did for you. How can you just forgive and forget that? I did so much for you. I felt used, and with that feeling comes the “I’m stupid and useless” feeling. I was a fucking mess. I left London and didn’t came out of my bed for five days and when I did I only did it because I ran out of food. I cried so much that it was imposible for me to cry anymore, I was numb. I lost myself when I lost you. I didn’t knew what to do anymore, I didn’t knew what to do or who to talk too because you where the one that I talked about everything. I wanted to tell someone what a mess I was but the only one I wanted to talk to was you. I couldn’t even drank certain brand or size of water because it reminded me of you! You destroyed me, you completely destroyed me. I never heard from you again. My birthday passed, my dad got sick, christmas passed, new years eve, February 14th… still nothing. Nothing at all. I humiliated myself wishing you a Happy Birthday and only getting a like from you. I humialted myself when the London atack took place by writing you to see if you where alright when I perfectly knew you where at work at that time, because I know your schedule. I know which bus you take to go home and at what time. I also know you never go to westminister, the parlament or the big ben, because theres nothing you hate more that tourists. And I knew that you knew that I knew all that. But still I wrote you, for the first time since October, and I humiliated myself even more by telling you I missed you and you replying 3 days later. You apologized. Not for London but for replying later, something so unusual from you and told me how much you missed me too. I gave you everything I had, I ran away with you and for you, I did everything you wanted. I was so head over feet for you. After more than a year together I got to know you better that I know myself, and I´m not even kidding, that’s how I know that even after everything you did and after everything we been through, you still care. You still think of me and it still hurts you. I know that, I just do. I know how big your pride is, I know how hard it was for you to do what you did and I know that you always stick with any decision you make, no matter what. I also happen to know how much you stalk my social media. Today I erased you from Facebook and I deleted your number. It hurt like fucking hell. It was the hardest thing I’ve done. I know theres no turn back from that, but having to see you every time I open my Facebook, my Facebook messenger or that I try to tag someone in something and you still being my “favorite friend” according to Facebook does not help me to forget everything and to get to be okay with it, is not healthy and I can’t move on that way. And besides, I also want you to know how much of a jerk you were, how much you hurt someone that loves you so much. How hurt I really am. I want you to see that maybe you dumped me before, but now, I’m dumping you. I’m moving on, I’m letting you go. I’m ending this. I’m taking control. And that we can’t keep being “friends” after what you did to me. I know it will hurt for a long time. To not be able to see your face as time passes, to not know how you are doing, where you are at, etc. But it also hurts knowing all those things and is not healthy for neither of us. I love you. I think I will always love you.. But this time, for the fist time, I need to love myself first. I need to do what’s best for me and for my mental health. I need to put limits and to end things. I need you to realize, I’m not there anymore. That It’s really over. And, just as you did, I will not show weakness anymore, I will not humiliate myself not even once anymore. And by seeing your name and your picture every day, I will always be tempted too. I honestly think you were the love of my life, I still think you where the one. My one. You were, literally, the personification of my perfect man. You were perfect to me in every way. But at the end you acted like a jerk, and I’m worth more than that. I don’t deserve a coward, I do not deserve someone that is capable of doing what did to me, someone that freaks out and runs away the way you did. I deserve better. My heart still wants you with every inch of it, but my head is starting to wake up, I’m starting to see things, to really see things the way they are, you and I being one of them.

[charmingdarlingadventures-blog]

The 1st Move to California 2017

Well. So. I DID it.  I had done the thing that I wanted to do for at least the past 20 of the 30 years of my life, which was to move to California, specifically as close to Disneyland as I possibly could. I’m in wonderfully opposite weather of the Heated Hell Home of Houston, Texas. Santa Monica is a going to be anywhere from 48 - 68 degrees this week. Whew!  I packed up my stuff, not all of it, mind you in less than 24 hours. Most of it was the piles of rags that I can barely call clothing, because all I wear are shorts and printed tees. I didn’t need to pack scrubs, because the hospital would provide them for me here, which is a first for me as a nurse. The three biggest things that I wanted to bring was my dress form and two new sewing machines. A Brother and a Brother serger. (Fuck yes!) I plan on learning how to use both of them as soon as I can. Which most likely will be after the 14th of January.  My dad helped me drive to California in 21-22 hours. We pretty much went straight, except for the 1 hour cumulation of gas and potty breaks. They changed the speed limit to be 80 mph instead of 70-75 for most places. It surprised my dad, because he drove it alone with three kids in the car practically every summer growing up.  My plans for the New Year? To friggin’ spend it at Disneyland. I had never gone to the event. The whole day went great, but I guess I had never really been in Californian winter rain. It typically does not rain in the cold in Texas, so me being a naive southern girl, I froze my ass off. It was about 40-45 degrees while I waited for the 9 pm fireworks to go off and I left the park about 10:30 PM (I couldn’t hack it for California Midnight. Doing it EST was enough for me.)  I texted my uncle to see if he wanted any food, but I got no answer, so I spent the New Year at a really great restaurant called Pho Lu on Westminister close to my uncle’s. The meat proportion was so good. The broth was authentic in that I could tell they made it like mama could at home with the beef bones! I have also NEVER seen oxtail so large and with actual chunks of meat on it.  Yum!  For the next day, I hung out with family and their friends. At some bomb ass food Thai Bowl at Boiling Point. I taught my cousin Tianne the basics of piano lessons. It’s hard teaching a 4 year old anything, but hopefully she’ll get better lessons than just Cousin Kim can do for her. I played a lot on my DS for Bravely Second and took my cousin Chi Hieu and his friend Stephanie out to Pho Lu. Later that evening, Hieu and I went to Round 1 to play a single round of DDR and he got me a Peter Pan Tsum Tsum, which is adorable. 

Fast Forward to Now. 

I’m learning the hard way that traveling isn’t 100% amazing in “Extended Stay” hotel. I chose to get the company to pay for it, because it is my first time being “away” from family. (My uncle lives about 45 minutes away, so really it is like being on my own.) This hotel is pretty much on the shittier of ones I have stayed in. Yeah - I’m spoiled by the concept of hotels. I have been in countless for the anime/gaming conventions that I go to. Most of them are clean, newer, and are free of the smell of old … fabric and musty air. 

First of all, when I got to the facility. The desk assistant was the worst person I have ever had, but I guess she can’t help it. She had no sense of urgency, which I really hate when people need to complete regular tasks. She took forever to talk to the person in front of me…and then she skipped me and talked to the person who just came off the elevator and helped her. The way she treated me was so… ill-professional. Like I didn’t deserve appropriate time. Come to find out, she thought I was on the younger-side of the age limit. 

“You look like you’re ten,” Shellie. 

“Well, I’m 30.” Me.  After that, she had a little more pep-in-her-step for my paperwork, but holy shit-fuck. I had a really sour taste in my mouth. Not to mention that the doors were not automatic and as I wheeled my stuff on a bellcart with a flat tire to my room that wouldn’t turn easily -  I just wanted to sort of cry.  1. The hotel room smelled like geriatric armpits.  2. The front desk lady was an asshat.  3. WTF is this tire flat? 

So now, I have bad juju beans of this whole contract. 

But there is a reason why I am doing this. After contacting one of my best friends, Leo. I had to ask him to remind me that I am on an adventure. I wanted this. I can’t just have a bad rotation on just my first day as much superstition as I want to be about it. 

I recently watched Moana before the year ended with my brother Richard. Moana is so much like me in the fact that I want to pursue that horizon. So in the lyric where she sings loudly “it calls me,” I have to remember that something has tugged at me to be out here since I was a child. I’m not exactly sure what I am destined for, but I want it to be something I am going to embrace with warmth. I need meaning for myself. I hope that California can help me find part of that puzzle, light, piece of the Silver Imperial Crystal. 

Charming Darling

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Lyric Verse from “How Far I’ll Go” Moana

See the light where the sky meets the sea

It calls me

And no one knows how far it goes If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me One day I’ll know How far I’ll go

PS: I’ve also decided that I’m going to try and read from 3 books the next few weeks. Just a page here and there. We shall see how far I’ll go…lol.