#'i was just passing through this isnt really my problem'

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

15 being like "you cant save everyone" vital lesson for a doctor

[jacklesraised]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

[ivysprophecy]

please please please

word count; 1644

summary; turning off your phone and shutting out the world isnt the best way to handle your problems but its what you do. and jjs had enough of it.

warnings; i dont think there is any? mentions of anxiety attacks? tagging @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake

masterlist

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divider by @bernardsbendystraws

"well hey there stranger"

i turn from my book to look behind me, seeing the boy id been actively avoiding for the past two days. carrying his surf board.

i shouldve remembered he'd come here to surf. i just wouldn't have guessed this early in the morning.

"hey jayj."

"oh thats all i get? 'hey'? no 'i miss you so much'?" he sets his board in the sand taking a seat next to me on my blanket.

guess im not finishing my book today. "oh my god jj! youre here! ive been dyingggg to talk to you! i cant believe youre really in here in the flesh! there. better?"

"oh dont be like that- cmon mama whatd i do?" i feel bad with the genuine concern on his face.

okay was ghosting him out of nowhere awful of me? probably. i just didnt know what else to do.

after that night at the bonfire i realized that with my feelings for him growing it wasnt a good idea for us to continue our casual... something. it played with both our emotions. it isnt fair to either of us.

especially after his 'i love you'. that really did it in for me.

"you didnt do anything jj. trust. i just... ive been in a funk. needed some me time thats all."

"well... do you still need your 'me time'?" he looked so hopeful. how could i say yes? where jj maybank is concerned ill easily fold every time. "cause you havent answered my texts so i couldn't ask you to surf with me this morning."

"... i dont have my board. but i suppose i can hang out with you for a little while."

"im honored," he smiles laying back on his elbows, "but really. are you good? i like to think i know you pretty well and this whole MIA thing was not normal."

turning to face him more, i sigh, what the fuck am i supposed to say? 'yea im just so in love with you i cant be around you' yea that would go over really well.

"i dont know. just gotta lot of stuff goin on. you dont have to worry though. im good."

"well do ya wanna talk about it?"

"trust me jay you dont wanna hear about my problems. theyre trivial at best."

"what are friends for if not for listening?" he nudges me with his shoulder urging me to talk. i really dont think i can do this. i was not prepared.

"youre not a very good listener," i point out, to which he immediately takes faux offense. jaw dropped and everything.

"oh thats just not true! i can listen!"

i run a hand through my tangled hair in frustration. this cannot be how i tell him. it just cant. i came here to get away from thinking about this and now hes right here in front of me acting so unserious while im spiraling.

"jj i really appreciate how eager you are to help me but its really not necessary. i didnt really prepare myself and its just too much-"

"prepare yourself? mama what the fuck are you talking about? does this have to do with that night after the bonfire? i mean obviously it does who am i kidding you havent talked to me since then. did i do something wrong? was- was it bad?" he leans in closer, lowering his voice thats laced with worry and guilt.

oh my god that is the absolute last thing i expected him to say. shit i really fucked this up. and honestly just not true.

"what? no! no jj you didnt do anything wrong and it was perfect. promise," i try to reassure him but i know deep down hes gonna over think this whole thing if i dont tell him straight up

i may love him but i never said he was the brightest in the bunch.

"okay so whats the problem?"

"the problem is that it was perfect," i cant help but let out a sigh before hiding my face in my hands as the words leave my mouth.

god my heart is racing, im not ready for this conversation. maybe if i pass out i wont have to. yea if he has to call an ambulance then we can avoid this all together. but an ambulance is also like five grand so...

shit.

"... youre mad at me because you had a good time?" his face contorted in a weird fixture of confusion.

"no! no- god youre so dense sometimes!"

"mama i dont have a fucking clue what youre saying! how does that make me stupid??"

i hide my face in my hands again trying to compose myself because what the fuck kind of confession is this?

"jj im avoiding you because ive been developing feelings for you and i cannot in good conscience keep being so casual with you and sleeping with you knowing this and i know that you do not want anything serious so i figured id just make it easier for the both of us and just take myself out of the situation entirely so that nothing bad happens and i cannot stop fucking talking so please for the love of god say something or do something because i feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest and-"

oh my god im getting my book moment. he just kissed me to make me stop talking!!! oh my god hes kissing me.

is this where i kiss him back?

of course i kiss him back!! what the fuck!!? and oh my lord does it feel nice, so so so nice.

the way his tongue presses against mine, the way he cups my jaw and pulls me close to him. it was slow and confident and loving and everything he knows i like. his hands find my hips like muscle memory, pulling our bodies together, eventually having me on his lap. where he takes my hands and places them on his chest so i can feel his chest rise and fall with deep breaths.

“… mama you need to learn to breathe.”

“that’s not funny right now jj. im actively having an anxiety attack, horrible thing to say really."

"what're you so anxious about? i think we're havin' a pretty calm conversation, dont you?"

"i mean yea- but thats not-" he interrupts me while shaking his head with a shrug.

"listen, i get why youre a little nervous to say that, all things considered. but i thought it was pretty obvious i was into you, i just didnt wanna push you because you made your boundaries clear so i just took what i could get."

my eyes bug out of my head in shock. am i the dense one? i mean yea hes a really good kisser and i can feel he cares deeply about me when we do stuff and makes me feel safe and supported but that doesnt mean-

yea im stupid. he all but outright said it. actually he has. thats what started this panic.

"... okay yea- maybe. but you agreed they were a good idea so i figured that meant you wanted them there too. and i dont know- it just kind of got overwhelming and i didnt wanna be one of those girls who expects something huge after sex so... you know what i mean? and truthfully youre not what i expected for me."

"what does that mean?" his face showed a little offense.

"i just mean- ya know. for one i didnt expect to love my best friend. and then on top of that i didnt think id love a guy who was a treasure hunting, or- adrenaline junkie i should say."

he leans back putting some space between us, "is that supposed to be a bad thing?

"no! no jay im not saying this right- i-... youre a fighter and youre adventurous- a lot of things im not. if that makes sense. all im sayin is a few years ago i wouldnt have expected to be here. but i like it here. love it here even," i smile at him teasingly trying to ease his worries. the last thing i need is to say the wrong thing right now.

"so what youre saying is that you love me?"

"youre such an idiot."

'but do ya? because i think you do mama."

i roll my eyes chuckling, "yea. yea i do maybank," i press a small kiss to his cheek leaning back into him.

"does this mean youll let me make you a maybank mama?" his eyebrow was quirked up as he teases his question.

"lets not get ahead of ourselves. how about we take this slow?"

he looks down at my button up shirt i was wearing over my bikini to shield me from the ocean breeze, and i could tell he was debating taking it off of me. giving me that same look he always does.

"slow? mama i dont think we're gonna be too good at that."

"all 'm sayin is we dont have to jump the gun, we both admitted it, doesnt mean we gotta change the way we act or announce it or nothing. we can just enjoy this ourselves ya know?"

"you embarrassed of me mama?"

"not at all baby, just want you all to myself. is that too much to ask for?"

he shakes his head leaning up against me, our faces inches apart, "nah i dont think so. i like the sound of that."

i meet him the rest of the way pressing his lips to mine, smiling into it. pulling him as close as humanly possible. i need him under mind skin, in my blood, you know?

"i do too, so we agree? we'll keep this between us for now?"

"whatever you want mama. yes maam."

[powderpinkandsweeet]

Ellie gets caught — Neighbor Ellie x Reader

Pt 1 and pt 2

4.8k words, nsfw, oral (r!receiving), face sitting, groping, confrontation, degradation, verbal consent given in a dubious consent situation, guilt on either side

Ellie was truly mortified when the screen blacked out, an error screen taking its place. She thought of every way imaginable that she could dig herself out of the grave she'd dug for herself. The camera was ripped from the wall and landed at your feet. She thought it was hidden well enough, but Ellie had underestimated the curiosity of a cat. Surely you weren't so naive that you wouldn't be able to tell what it was. Ellie didn't feel guilt for watching you, but your reaction made her uneasy. The look of fear in your eyes made her stomach twist.

Less than a minute passed before Ellie's phone vibrated in her hands, your name popping up in multiple notifications. But she wasn't ready to face the consequences, so her phone was put on "do not disturb" and placed on her desk. She slept restlessly, hardly at all in fact. Maybe she could wake up and it would all be a terrible nightmare, but she woke in the morning to a slew of texts and calls that were all too real. She feigned ignorance, choosing to read the messages without replying. The longer she played dumb, the more distressed your messages seemed.

Wednesday

10:07PM: hey i found smth in my apt and i dont rly know what it is lol. did you forget anything?

10:10PM: Missed Call

10:15PM: are you awake?

10:16PM: i looked up this thing and i think we need to talk...

10:17PM: Missed Call

10:20PM: call me when you can

Thursday

7:32AM: hey can you let me know if you have time to talk today? It's important...

7:35AM: but yeah let me know if you can talk

12:03PM: Missed Call

12:03PM: call me when you have a chance. we really need to talk about this

12:05PM: im on my lunch break so i can talk until 1

1:01PM: Ellie im not joking this is important

4:30PM: im leaving work. you at home?

4:31PM: can i stop by to talk? this isnt cool the whole ignoring me thing. I know youre on your phone all the time

4:31PM: you were active on instagram literally 10 minutes ago

Ellie knew she couldn't avoid you forever. She couldn't just sweep this problem under the rug, she would have to move away, change her name, get a new job, maybe dye her hair. But she didn't have time for that. Ellie knew you were always home between 4:40 and 4:45PM, depending on traffic. It was 4:37. She surely couldn't risk passing you on the stairwell if she tried to leave. So Ellie shut the blinds, turned off the lights, and hunkered down on the couch.

Steps click-clacked up the concrete stairwell, passing Ellie's door and up to your apartment, slamming the door behind you. Your steps were heavy above Ellie as they circled your apartment and back out the front door. The door slamming behind you made Ellie jump, each step shaking her to the core. Why was she so afraid?

You pounded on her door with your closed fist. Ellie tiptoed to the door to look through the peephole. You were rightfully upset, made obvious by your crossed arms and sour grimace. You were still dressed for work, clomping down the stairs in your work shoes and skirt, a silk scarf wrapped around your neck. In your hand was a familiar black object dangling from a chunky cord. She observed you for a moment, hoping that you would just assume she wasn't home.

"I know you're in there, Ellie! You're not fooling anyone! Your shitbox car is in the parking lot." Your patience was quickly waning, your blows to the door causing it to rattle in its frame, "come on, Ellie! You either talk to me or you talk to the cops, you pervert!" you practically screamed.

Ellie balked at your tone and volume. If she could hear you loud and clear, then so would the neighbors. So Ellie unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door just enough that you could see her face, "will you keep your voice down?" she whispered.

You sized her up, her lithe frame blocking entrance to the apartment. "If you stop playing stupid and let me in then I'll consider it."

Ellie peeked back inside at her messy apartment, knowing that your stolen things were hidden in the room. Her expression was nervous, puppy dog eyes on you as though she were begging you to say otherwise. "I'm not kidding," you state while pulling your phone from the pocket of your skirt, "I can just turn right around and bring this to the police station." Panic washed over Ellie as you turned as if to leave. She grasped your forearm to pull you inside hastily. Once you'd gotten your bearings, you ripped your arm from Ellie's tight grip.

Ellie wiped her clammy hands on her sweats, sitting down on the couch to make her best attempt at looking casual. She wasn't able to hold eye contact per your angry expression, asking nervously, "so what's up?"

Your face scrunched up and you "tsk"ed, frustrated with her innocent act, "why don't you tell me?" You held the device to Ellie's face by the cord. You held it with disgust, your reaction more akin to holding a dead animal than a surveillance camera.

Ellie continued to feign confusion, "a computer charger? Did it break or something?"

"Ellie," you grit out, "stop lying to me, I'm not fucking stupid."

She had never even seen you angry, let alone this full of rage. Ellie was at a crossroads between fear and arousal. "m'not lying, I swear..." she mumbled while avoiding eye contact.

"If you're not lying then why's this 'computer charger' by a company that makes surveillance cameras? And how did it get into my apartment, pointed at my bed?" You held it closer to her and shook it as though that would refresh her memory. "I sure as hell don't remember buying it, and as far as I can recall," you pointed an accusatory finger, "you were the last person in my apartment."

Ellie was near shaking, running through a hedge maze in her mind, but there was no way out. There had to be some way she could convince you that she was better than that. That she couldn't sink that low, but that would be yet another lie. "I'd never do that to you, it must have been someone else."

You were quick to refute her, "yeah, right. I never have people over, so who else could it have been?"

Ellie had been lying point-blank through your conversation, but she couldn't help but dig at your own little white lie. "Never? What about Abby, huh?"

You paused at Ellie's outburst, seeing her eyes widen at the admission that she knew just who was coming and going from your apartment. "Abby?" you encroached on her space, "How the hell do you know Abby? I've never mentioned her once, not even to my friends."

Ellie's web of lies was falling apart. "God, Ellie, how long has this been going on?" You tried to ask, exasperated. "Just admit it!" you nearly shouted, but she was still frozen. You "tsk"ed in disappointment, "forget it, I'm going to the cops."

You turned toward the door, and Ellie panicked, her nervous system going into fight or flight. Without thinking, she sprung from the couch to stop you. "Wait!" she exclaimed as she caught you by the forearm.

You wriggled in her grasp, "let me go, Ellie!"

She managed to grab you by the other wrist, "please just let me explain!" She pleaded, desperate to retain her freedom and keep you in her life. With surprising strength for someone of her stature, Ellie wrestled you to the floor. You fought against her, attempting to shout but being stopped by Ellie's palm pressed flat against your mouth. Her other hand kept your wrists pinned to the floor as she straddled you. "Please just listen, please..." she panted from the exertion, face red from the effort and the embarrassment of the situation. "I'll admit it, I put the camera there, but that's all I swear!" Frustrated tears lined her eyes, "please, will you let me explain?"

Your eyes were wide, but you nodded your head slowly to appease her. She eyed you nervously, "and you won't scream if I pull my hand away?" You closed your eyes for a moment and sighed, attempting to relax enough for Ellie to let up. Again, you gave her a hesitant nod. She pulled her hand away slowly.

You unconsciously licked your lips, Ellie following the movement and the glistening of your tongue. Your wide eyes sparkled up at her, your hair pillowed under your head. All the reasons for her infatuation--no, obsession--rushed to the surface. She couldn't hold it in anymore, "I love you!"

You looked confused and even more scared, if that were even possible. Regardless, Ellie rambled on, desperate to earn back your trust, perhaps even your affection. "You're just so kind, and beautiful, and interesting, and funny, and so... untouchable." She seemed melancholy as she continued, "I wanted to be close to you, but I was just so nervous." She sniffled, frustrated tears lining her eyes "I didn't know what to do, so I just fucked it up instead."

A tear slid down Ellie's cheek to drop off her chin. You flinched as it hit your skin, a tangible reminder of her feelings. "Ellie?" you called to her, and she looked at you with hopeful eyes. "why didn't you just say something?"

She avoided eye contact, almost hitting herself for not just doing the obvious. "I wanted to, but my mouth just goes dry when I see you and I feel like my heart drops to my ass..." Ellie sighed, "'sides, I'm no Abby."

She looked back at you to find an expression of pity. "You're not..." you murmured, and that sinking feeling returned to her stomach, but you went on, "you wouldn't want to be like her, anyways."

You pitied Ellie, but saw some of yourself in her. The pain of unrequited love, the anxiety of waiting for their next move, the exhaustion from the chase, and the words left unsaid. Like her, you were singularly focused on someone else. You had done your own snooping, peeking at Abby's texts while she was in the shower, always regretting it because of what you'd find. But you couldn't have been this desperate or gone to such lengths.

Abby gave you tunnel vision, so you couldn't see Ellie by your side. If you hadn't been so focused on Abby, you might have noticed her lingering stares, the things around your apartment that weren't where you left them, and the missing panties.

But suddenly confronted with all she had done, why weren't you screaming? Fighting? Running? Though conflicted, you were flattered. Why was her confession strangely charming?

You were not accustomed to being wanted this intensely, surprised but not displeased at Ellie's praise. She went to such lengths just for a look, a listen, even a taste. Her desperation would be almost laughable if it didn't make you feel so valued.

To Abby, you were a toy she could pick up, use, and discard at her leisure. Every crumb of affection was a success. You would mull them over, overanalyze them for any sign that your affection was returned, or appreciated at least. Conversely, to Ellie you were a prize to be selfishly coveted. You had acclimated to Abby's coldness, so the heat of Ellie's passion nearly burned you alive.

You take a moment to collect your thoughts before sighing and attempting to bring Ellie back to center. She was overcome with emotions, all that she had been bottling up finally exploding. "It's okay, Ellie. Just let me up and we can talk, okay?"

She seemed hesitant, "you won't try anything, right?"

You smiled as sympathetically as you could manage, "promise."

She pulled away slowly, hands hovering over your wrists for a moment until she trusted that you wouldn't hit her. Instead, you sat up to rub your wrists as you both rose from the floor. Ellie watched you closely like one would a wild animal. Her studio apartment was small, so there weren't many places to run.

"I didn't know you felt that way," you mumbled, barely audible. "You could have just told me."

Ellie huffed out a humorless laugh, "if I don't say anything then I don't have to worry about getting hurt, ‘cause I’m not Abby.”

You sighed at Ellie's obvious jealousy, "Abby's no good for me anyways. Maybe I need someone different, someone like you…”

You approached Ellie slowly. Every step closer she took a step back, her legs soon meeting the edge of her bed. She had nowhere else to go, so Ellie tipped back onto the bed. She watched in awe as you straddled her, hardly believing the sight as you unraveled your scarf. You leaned over her blushing face, your lips less than an inch from hers as you whispered, "can I kiss you?"

Ellie wouldn't let this chance go to waste, omitting a response to lock her lips with yours. She let her eyes shut in bliss as she lost herself in the plushness of your lips. Your tongue was slippery and soft as it tangled with hers. Ellie felt your touch gliding up her forearms, lacing your fingers with hers on either side of her head. You sucked on her tongue, Ellie so immersed in sensation that she paid no mind to you looping your silk scarf around her wrists and pulling the loose ends tight. You sucked her lip into your mouth and let it go with a soft "pop" as you pulled away. Ellie's hazy eyes opened at the loss of your warmth, flicking up to her bound wrists before looking at you confused. She wriggled for a moment, testing the strength of her binds and laughing nervously. Her underlying anxiety clashed with arousal. She was in disbelief that you would do something like this.

"You haven't been very nice to me, Ellie," you lectured. "You took advantage of my kindness." You straddled her hips, fingers tucking under the hem of her loose gray t-shirt. You pushed it above her breasts, hands sliding across her skin to feel her tense and shiver under your touch. "I let you into my home," your hands moved to the tie of her sweatpants to unravel it, "trusted you with my cats," you ripped them halfway down her thighs, "and you betrayed that trust to fulfill some sick fucking fantasy." You pulled and snapped the band of Ellie's boxer briefs, "but you've been hiding from me." Her briefs were pulled down to join her jeans. Shirt bunched up and pants halfway down, you took in the sight of Ellie's flushed and panting form. "So I think this is only fair."

Your hands explored her torso, groping her small breasts and pinching her blush-pink nipples. She was so responsive to your touch, breath hitching and whines trapped in her throat. Her skin was hot, sweat dripping down her temple.

Her skin tingled in the wake of your touch, but there was something missing. Ellie wanted so badly to touch you. She wished she could feel the squish of your hips where you sat above her. If only she could let her hands wander, exploring every inch of you that she had wanted for so long. Your touches were so light, nails trailing along her skin teasingly. The longer you teased, the more sensitive she felt.

Ellie had been wet practically the second you burst into her apartment. It didn't take much for you to turn her on. Her core glistened between her parted legs, clit swollen and throbbing in need. "You're so wet... and just from a little groping?" You traced a pointed nail from her sternum to her navel, a light pink scratch raising in its path. "You really are a pervert, aren't you?"

She felt a hot shame at being called such a thing, but you were right. Ellie didn't have a stitch of clothing to hide behind, feeling exposed and vulnerable beneath you. You groped and scratched at her thighs, laying a kiss on one of them with sparkling eyes looking at you. She was thrilled to be the center of your attention, but she yearned for so much more.

You could sense her impatience, "don't be so shy. Tell me what you want." You continued your teasing touches, never coming within an inch of her hot center.

"Please touch me..." Ellie whimpered.

You giggled, "I am touching you, silly."

Ellie groaned in frustration as you barely grazed her pussy with the tip of her finger. Wetness clung to your finger that you stuck into your mouth to suck off. Ellie could hardly believe her eyes. The bare graze against her pussy forced a choked noise from her chest. She whimpered in its absence. Just a taste of pleasure had her hungry for more.

Your grin never slipped, seeing Ellie helpless beneath you unfamiliar but exhilarating. Ellie whined out, "my pussy, please. I'm aching for you."

You couldn't help the grin on your face. Your sick enjoyment at Ellie laying helpless beneath you was an entirely unfamiliar feeling. She writhed against her bonds, pent up and unable to do anything about it. "I won't leave you waiting any longer, don't worry," you cooed.

You pressed your hand to her pussy, the heel of your palm to her clit and fingers sliding down the length of her folds. She groaned from deep in her chest when you ground your palm against her. It was directionless, sloppily spreading Ellie's wetness onto her lips and thighs. Ellie bucked messily against your hand. "Yeahh, that's right," you laughed, "just needed me to touch your greedy little pussy?"

Ellie whined at the mockery, "yes, yes, please. Just need to feel you. Do whatever you want to me, just need you!"

She was insatiable, greedy for anything and everything you could give her. "Whatever I want?" you repeat back to her.

"Anything!" she blurts out, blown out pupils locked on yours. You almost chuckled at her desperation, but you couldn't deny the butterflies in your stomach.

Ellie cried out at the retreat of your hand. Brought back to reality, she was gifted with the sight of you rising to your knees and shuffling forward to straddle her chest. You caressed her cheek and she melted into the palm of your hand. "Ellie," you cooed at her, "you'll help me feel good now, won't you?" You stroked her cheek with your thumb gently, "it's only fair, right? You've been stealing from me all this time, so I think you owe me, yeah?"

Ellie's eyes darted between your rising skirt to your teasing expression. She could smell the sweet musk of your pussy from here. She knew it well, having huffed it like paint from your stolen panties time and time again. Given the opportunity to taste and smell it from the source, Ellie just might have died and gone to heaven. Or maybe you'd knocked her out and she was dreaming. "Yes, yes, please. I can make you feel so good, promise. I'll make it up to you."

You hummed at her, pretending to mull it over, "you sure you really want it?"

Ellie's enthusiasm outweighed her shame. "I want it so bad, please! I wanna taste it, feel it drip down my chin. I want you to sit on my face so bad, I don't even care if I can't breathe." So you gave into her pleas, scooting forward on your knees to hover over Ellie's face. Slack-jawed and panting like a dog, Ellie's face disappeared under the hem of your skirt.

Your wet panties were a teasing reminder of the copious amounts Ellie had stolen. She grunted as she extended her neck to lick at your panties. You carefully lowered yourself to be within her reach. The cotton of your panties was rough against Ellie's tongue. Your slick made a dark patch on the fabric, the shape of your folds visible as it clung to your wet skin. She lapped at you through the panties, tasting and sucking the wetness that had once saturated the cloth. Your breathing picked up at the pressure, the friction of your panties against your clit rough.

But the fabric barred Ellie from tasting you fully. You couldn't feel the suction of her lips or the softness of her tongue. The cotton weave was rubbing you raw. Ellie whined, and you could feel the hum of her voice against you as she tried to speak trapped against you. You shifted, pulling up your skirt to see Ellie's red face. Her glistening lips parted to speak, "off... take 'em off, please..."

You snickered, "thought you liked my panties. You took so many of them after all. Did you suck on them just like that, too?"

Unashamed, she admitted, "yes, just wanna taste it. Only took 'em 'cause I couldn't get the real thing."

You were leaking like a faucet, and her tongue through your panties wasn't enough to satisfy. You pulled the crotch of them aside to tuck into the crease of your thigh, exposing yourself to Ellie's hungry gaze. She chased your hips, nearly moaning at the taste as you shifted downward again. Ellie laved your folds with her tongue. Uninhibited, you were so much sweeter. You dripped sticky like syrup on her tongue that she swallowed greedily. For a moment, she was too lost in her own selfish desires to realize that she was teasing you. You whined aloud at each gentle lap, jolting each time she grazed your clit. She tongued at your hole to greedily slurp down your slick.

Through a pussy-drunk haze, she watched your pleasured expressions in awe. Your needy grinding against Ellie's face pulled her from her reverie. She recognized your intent and doubled her efforts. Her tongue swirled around your clit, the hardened bud throbbing at the attention. When she puckered her lips and sucked on your clit, your back bowed and you moaned gutterally. Trapped between her lips, she rapidly flicked the tip of her tongue against your clit. The sudden lashing of her tongue had your hips bucking away from the sensation. Ellie's lips were pulled away with a "pop," the release of suction causing you to flinch again. "Haa-ah, Ellie..." you panted.

Hearing you moan her name was like ecstacy. Ellie's tongue slid down your lips, circling your entrance with its tip. She felt your muscles contract against the pressure. The tip of her tongue penetrated you, and you mewled at the feeling, stomach tensing and thighs clenching against Ellie's ears. Though muffled, Ellie could hear you beg for more. You cried out for her not to stop, and she had no intentions to. She pressed her face into you, pushing her tongue as deep into your pussy as she could. Ellie's nose was pressed against your clit, her mouth wide open to keep her tongue stuck out for you. What truly sent you into overdrive was her shaking her head side to side while pressed against you. The bridge of her nose flicked back and forth against your clit as Ellie tongued your hole. Nose against your clit and mouth focused on your hole, Ellie could hardly breathe. She would run out of air, having to take breaks to gasp for air. She panted like a dog as she lapped at your clit, unwilling to let up on you even as she struggled for air. But it was worth it for the sight, sound, smell, and especially taste of you. Your voice was like a melody that Ellie wanted to play on repeat. It was pitchy, staccato, approaching a crescendo. Ellie felt your pussy flexing around the tip of her tongue, warning her of your oncoming orgasm. Your hand tangled into her auburn locks, gripping and pulling as you squealed out that you were coming. Ellie huffed air through her nose as she drank you in. She continued passionately kissing your pussy, lips and tongue edging you into overstimulation. Ellie tried to follow you as you lifted yourself up on your knees, but no matter how much she strained against her binds, she couldn't reach you. She had nearly forgotten about her binds.

It might have been the lack of air and the sudden rush of oxygen to her brain, but Ellie was practically floating. Her body was pleasantly warm, tingling from head to toe. She was soaked down to the collar of her shirt, the gray fabric clearly darker than the rest. Your wetness was drying tacky on her cheeks, flyaway hairs clinging to them.

You were at a loss for words. Absent-mindedly, you catch a dribble down the corner of her mouth with your thumb, wiping it up and pressing it to Ellie's swollen, pink lips. Obediently, Ellie pulled your thumb into her mouth to suck gently. Your breath hitched and you laughed breathily at the display. You were in disbelief that a gem like Ellie had been watching and waiting for you, hoping that you would notice her.

You sighed and leaned up to untie Ellie from her headboard. She was still dazed from the dream she just lived through. She admired you silently, peacefully.

Coming down from your orgasm, you were confronted with the reality of your actions. You had lowered yourself to Ellie's level, blackmailing her and using it to take advantage of her. But how was it different from what Ellie had done to you? You committed a crime, a felony even. Free from her binds, Ellie could easily call the police on you just as you had threatened mere minutes earlier. But she didn't.

She only rubbed at the raised pink lines on her wrists, sure to bruise later. Ellie still looked up at you with awe, as though you were an angel. Her hands moved slowly to your hips, caressing the smooth, dimpled skin of your thighs and squeezing at its softness. Her hands were cold, veins spider-webbing from palm to forearm and fingertips calloused from guitar strings.

She looked contemplative as she tucked the end of your skirt into the waistband, admiring the mess she had made of you. "Can I do it again?" Ellie murmurs, gaze flickering between you and your pussy. You were unsure how she could have this much stamina. Bottom lip caught between your teeth, you nodded. Ellie smiled, relieved, and pulled you down to her mouth with surprising strength.

Each orgasm bled into another as Ellie held you trapped above her. Long, thin fingers gripped your hips and thighs so tight that the flesh bulged between the pale digits. You cried for mercy, for her to be more gentle, but your cries fell on deaf ears. If anything, they only worked her up even more.

Your thighs trembled on either side of her head where they clamped on Ellie's ears like earmuffs. She had to indulge. It was all she ever wanted. She worked hard for this.

She only relented when you pulled on her hair hard, the grip tight enough to make her wince. You found the strength to rise on your knees, only to fall onto the bed, exhausted. Ellie wiped you down and soothed you to sleep. She covered you with a blanket, rubbed at your aching muscles and cooed praise in your ear until you fell into a peaceful slumber.

Ellie watched you rest, a quiet snore coming from your parted lips. You were splayed out on your stomach, legs slightly parted and one knee bent. Stood at the end of the bed, Ellie could see your folds peeking out from between your thighs. It was obviously swollen and flushed from all you had endured. She had gone at you so long you might have thought you had a rugburn on your pussy. Ellie had wiped you down earlier, but a line of slick still drooled from your pussy. It glistened in the low light of Ellie's room, shining in her eyes like a spotlight.

She plucked your phone from your discarded purse. The face ID rejected her, of course, so Ellie turned it toward your sleeping visage and watched as the phone unlocked with ease. She held back her impulse to snoop. To look in every nook and cranny of the device. But she had a mission to complete. Scrolling through the contacts, Ellie found Abby within seconds. On her own phone, Ellie opened the camera app, aiming the lens at your parted thighs and the clear aftermath of her attention. With a "click" of the camera lens and a few taps of her fingers, it was sent.

9:52PM: image attached

9:52PM: she’s mine

Thank you for reading my silly little stories! This turned out so much longer than I thought, but I’ve had a lot of fun with this little “series” so it was fun

Taglist: @kaykeryyy @cattjull @s0phi3w4lt3n @verseandchapterr

[mothandpidgeon]

Nine Lives (witch's familiar!Ezra x witch!f!reader) - Part 3

Moth's Masterlist // follow @mothandpidgeon-updates and turn on notifications to stay updated with my fics!

SERIES MASTERLIST

pairing: witch's familiar!Ezra x witch!f!reader

rating: T (evenual E) MDNI

summary: As you came into your powers and your curves filled in, Ezra realized he feelings for you were more than just affection. The only problem? He's a 300 year old cursed witch. Oh, and he's a cat.

contents: age gap (like 300 years), angst, slow burn, yearning, probably anachronistic witchy stuff, Ezra is a cat, he won't be forever, this isnt a beastiality thing, mentions of abuse moth never uses y/n.

wc: 4.3k

a/n: I've had a tough couple of weeks (I mean, this week, who hasn't). I hope this will bring some of you joy this weekend. You deserve it. If it did, please please let me know. That would really cheer me up. Also, in case you missed it, going forward I'm going to be updating every 2 weeks. I really hope I can keep it up!

I must thanks @moonlitbirdie and @lowlights for the beta and their massive support of me in life and in writing this. Also thank you @schnarfer for helping me brainstorm some plot!

🐈‍⬛

Aunt Margot’s ringing up a tattooed girl with glasses when you stomp into the shop. You swing the door open so violently that it’s bell thwacks into the wall. You had almost a mile in the woods to walk it off but your anger has only grown, ballooning into a hot rage that’s devouring everything in your path.

“How was it?” Margot asks with a sly smile once the customer’s left with their little brown paper bag.

“River’s disgusting,” you announce. 

“What happened?” her expression immediately clouds with concern. 

“This is exactly why I don’t date witches. I told you that I didn't want to be set up with him.” you rant, blowing past her into what was once the dining room. 

There’s still a turned leg table at its center, now piled with goods for sale. Percy winds his way between beeswax candles and hand-poured soaps.  

“Oh yes I really forced him on you,” she says with sarcasm. “I recall the two of you were practically necking in front of the whole coven last night.”

You’re not sure if it’s the idea that you almost fucked River or the term necking that grosses you out more but you cringe.

“He’s so backwards. Guys like him make me ashamed to be a witch,” you say. 

“How can you say such a thing? Ashamed to be a witch! Do I need to remind you just how lucky you are? After what we’ve been through? Our kind was almost wiped off the face of the earth. By mortals like your little boyfriends,” she says. 

“I’m so tired of hearing that. It’s a shitty excuse. Mortals killed witches hundreds of years ago so we get a free pass to do whatever we want. To treat our familiars like slaves,” you reply. 

She scoffs. “Percy do you hear that?”

He squeaks indignantly. 

“He’s offended by that,” she tells you. 

“He should be. It’s worse than offensive. It’s evil!” you say. Your voice echoes so loudly it rattles the antique silvered mirror hanging over the mantle. 

Margot gathers Percy in her palm calmly stroking his white fur, her eyebrow arched in a way that tells you she’s trying to be patient. You shouldn’t take out it on her. She’s never been anything but good to her familiar. 

“Do you know what he said about Ezra?” You can feel tears begin to bite at your eyes. 

She frowns when she reaches into your mind to hear it herself. 

“His family’s always held onto the old ways," she says, shaking her head in disappointment. 

“Don’t make excuses for him,” you snap. 

She tucks Percy into the pocket of her cardigan and places a gentle hand on your shoulder. 

“He’s an idiot and I’m proud of you. And you should be proud of yourself too. All of you,” she says. 

–

The basement of the Arcane Page might be described as spooky, what with its cobwebs and dusty, amber jars. Apothecary shelves stocked with potions, rare ingredients, and animal bones meet the low ceilings. Disused broomsticks sit in the corner along with willow branches and a black goat’s horn. There are all manner of spell books down here along with hand written notes from your ancestors. At the center of the room there’s a wide oak table carved with runes and spells. It smells like ink and dried leaves and magic. 

The warm sunset streams through the egress windows catching the dust that floats in the air. Margot didn’t have to be a mind reader to know you wanted to be alone and so she didn’t put up a fight when you offered to close up on your own. After you closed the register and locked the front door, you ventured down to the part of the shop meant only for witches. 

Your plan was just to have some quiet before venturing upstairs where Ezra would be waiting. For all you knew he was still huddled under the bed. You could abhor River but only one of you had actually hurt your familiar. You couldn’t bring yourself to face Ezra knowing you were just as bad as the rest of them. 

You start opening old books. Spell books and ancient texts. You’re looking for something, what it is you can’t be certain. All you know is that you felt drawn down here, your fingers itching for the parchment pages. 

When you were a young witch, you came here often. There were spell books that had become your favorites, embellished with intricate illustrations. You memorized charms for changing the color of your hair and shuffled a dog-eared set of tarot cards. This was where you cast some of your very first spells. Magic made the world feel full of wonder yet it gave you some control, an order to things that would otherwise be chaos. 

That’s gone now. All of it mixed up— pride and shame, power and weakness, love and loss. 

You pull a large volume from the shelf, its soft leather cover embossed with constellations. heavy and thick, You need both hands to carry it to the table where it lands with a thud and a gasp of dust escapes into the air. 

You turn it open, the aged glue of its spine cracking. You run your fingers over the delicate pages, so thin you can practically see through them. They’re covered in a careful hand and you can’t help but wonder about the witches that set these spells down, what advice they’d have for you. 

The magic in here is convoluted, singular spells that spill over pages and pages with diagrams and celestial calendars. Some are written in verse so dense you can barely make out their meaning. They remind you of the cadence of Ezra’s voice. 

These are not small acts of witchcraft. There are instructions for summoning beasts and recipes for potions that restore youth to be brewed specially on the solstice. Some of it feels dangerous— curses against unfaithful lovers, spells to wake the dead and use them for your bidding. 

You read through them all with mild curiosity. You have no reason to reanimate a dead horse or brew a cure for quinsy— whatever that is— though it would be amusing to cast a perpetual dancing spell on River if you didn’t think it would kill him. 

You chuckle to yourself as you imagine him dancing uncontrollably, his limbs uncontrollable, as you turn the page. And there you see it. 

What you didn’t know what you were looking for has found you.  

–

You barge into the apartment with a wild look in your eye. Ezra’s still curled up in your spot on the bed. He’s been there most of the afternoon, letting bad memories flood his mind. 

After the elders turned him, Ezra promised himself that he would be better. He’d been selfish and dishonest. Quick to anger. It was out of necessity, he’d told himself, but obviously it had only brought him suffering. He would change. But had he? He’d let you care for him, had loved you and fantasized about you, and he’d hurt you.  

You’re calling his name, breathless from running up the stairs, with a leather bound book under your arm. 

Ezra lingers in the bedroom door, guilt still festering. 

“Look,” you say, setting the tome open on the little breakfast table with a thud. It seems as though you’ve forgotten everything, a whirl of urgency about you. 

Ezra hops up and seats himself in front of the weathered pages. He takes in the verses there, the drawing scratched with quill and ink. It’s complicated and obscure, laborious instructions that must be followed to the letter. Behind him you’re nearly bouncing with untamed energy. 

“What are you showing me?” he asks. He knows. The spell is exact but its outcome is clear. 

“It’s a transfiguration spell,” you explain. 

“That much is clear but—“

“I want to do it,” you say. There’s a determination in your words, a fiery assuredness that makes Ezra’s heart pick up. “I want to turn you back into a human.”

“That’s impossible.”

“No. It’s all right here. And it says under the moon of All Hallow’s Eve. That’s just in a few weeks,” you add excitedly. 

“Little mage, I needn’t explain why this is folly,” he says.

It pains him to say it and not just because being human again would be the greatest gift. Your expression is a mix of frustration and heartbreak. 

“You propose to defy the Elders’ judgment. They won’t take kindly to that,” he says. 

“Fuck them,” you hiss. “The laws have changed. If you were convicted now, they’d take your powers but they wouldn’t make you live like this.”

“They’ll take yours if you do something so foolish,” he says. It comes out harsh but he’s angry that you’d risk your powers for him. That he wants so badly to accept. 

“You don’t deserve to be a fucking cat. You should get a normal life,” you say, your body sagging onto the sofa like it can’t stand the weight of it all anymore. 

“That’s quite a touching sentiment.” Ezra tries to couch the words in sarcasm but his voice breaks. He jumps down from the table and situates himself on the cushion beside you. 

“Why didn’t you tell them?” you ask, defeated. Tearful eyes look towards the ceiling before falling onto him. “When they put you on trial. Why didn’t you tell the elders what he’d done?”

Ezra’s head sinks between his shoulders. 

Damon was the kind of witch that only used his powers to numb himself to the rest of the world. He brewed potions that made him neglectful of his daughter one moment, belligerent towards her the next. Ezra had never considered himself a do-gooder. He saw the girl with bruises and said nothing. He was so disinterested in the goings on, he’d never even bothered to learn her name until his trial. Largely, he ignored them until the night he took Damon’s life. 

Ezra hadn’t meant to engage him. It was a snide remark he made that pulled Damon’s attention away from berating Cee. Soon the two of them came to blows, Damon throwing the first punch with an accusation. Ezra was scrappy but there was a point when Damon had him pinned down and he thought his time was up. So when he was able to break free, Ezra made sure he wouldn’t be bested. 

“You can’t understand how precarious it was for us then,” he says. “A hundred years of witch hunts. The life of a witch, even one as detestable as Damon was precious.”

Maybe if they’d known how Damon treated one of their kind, they would have shown Ezra leniency. But the real reason he accepted his punishment was because he knew it had been his own fault. Had he intervened earlier, gotten the Elders involved, it wouldn’t have ended in murder. You might think him a hero, but when the Elders made Ezra her familiar, Cee made it clear that she did not. 

You sigh, a slight shake of your head, and you sink back into the sofa. 

“You are a more than capable witch but this is ancient magic. It took the powers of no less than three elders to change me,” Ezra says as if it’s any consolation. 

“Maybe Margot—“ 

“You’d both risk your powers,” he stops you. “No, little mage. It’s impossible.”

—

“I’m not coming,” you say. 

Aunt Margot is loading a carpet bag into the trunk of her station wagon. Nearly a month has passed since the equinox. Halloween is two days away which means it’s time for your annual trip to Salem where the coven will be gathered through Samhain. The celebrations will be days long, singing and food, apple bobbing and fortune telling. Your little gathering doesn't compare. 

Last night you couldn’t bring yourself to pack.

“What do you mean?” She asks.

”I’m sorry,” you say with a shrug. 

You’ve been waffling on this decision for weeks but you’ve made up your mind. Even if it disappoints Aunt Margot.

”But everyone will miss you. And Simone’s making her gumbo,” she says.

”I know,” you say. 

As Margot babbles out more reasons why you really shouldn’t stay home (“The spirit walk just won’t be the same without you”), Ezra snakes between your legs. You were nervous of how she’d take this news and Ezra promised to be moral support. 

She throws out her hands with a pout. “I can’t stand thinking about you alone for All Hallows Eve,” she says. 

“I won’t be alone,” you say, picking Ezra up and scratching under his chin.  

“I will miss the gumbo,” he tells her. 

“No Ezra,” she contemplates. “Maybe I can actually win at Scrabble.” 

“Perchance,” he says, and you know she’s mentally tabulating the word score. 

“Is this because of River?” She narrows her eyes. 

It’s not. While you certainly won’t miss him, you wouldn’t let some dickwad keep you from having a good time. It’s all of them, really. Esme and the rest of them. Knowing how they think of Ezra, how they think of you, it makes you want to scream. You can’t subject him to their scorn and disdain, you won’t. You’d rather spend All Hallows Eve at home. 

And then there’s that little part of you. The one that knows it’s preposterous and downright idiotic yet still hopes that you can put the Halloween moon to good use. Ezra shut that down fast but, oh, how good would it feel for the funny little witch to give them all the middle finger? . 

“I’m just not in the spirit,” you say. 

“Well it won’t feel like All Hallows Eve without you,” she sighs. 

“I know,” you say. There’s a lump in your throat. You’ve never been apart from her for Samhain. There are countless warm memories of Halloweens past. When Margot got you your very first cauldron. The taste of pumpkin pie. The year of the freak snowstorm. 

With another sigh and the jingle of her bracelets, Margot pulls you into an embrace. The smell of vetiver hangs off her hair and you breathe it in deeply. 

“I’ll light a candle for you,” she promises. 

“Thanks,” you say. 

“And I’m going to jinx River’s socks. They’ll be damp for a month,” she says. 

You laugh. 

The horn of her car beeps and you break the hug to see Percy appear at the top of the steering wheel. 

“He’s worried about the traffic on the Thruway,” she tells you. “I’m coming!”

“Take care of her,” she says to Ezra, petting along his jaw

He nods. 

When Margot’s tail lights disappear down the street, you sit beside Ezra on the front steps. 

“You could go,” he says. 

“I made the right choice,” you say, stroking down the shiny fur on his back. 

“So what now?” he asks. 

“I don’t know. I've always wanted to go trick or treating,” you say. 

“That’s blasphemy, little mage,” Ezra quips. 

— 

Ezra holds you in his arms. Human arms. Your skin is warm against his as you lay tangled together. The morning light catches on the prism beads you have hanging in your bedroom window, little rainbows dancing across the walls and rumpled bedspread.  His lips brush across your forehead, leaving a ghost of a kiss at your hairline. You sigh dreamily and your fingertips graze his bare chest. You‘re just barely awake when you turn your face up to him, your eyes warm like you missed him while you were sleeping. He greets you with a kiss, your lips opening to him with a low hum. His fingers tangle with yours as the grasp the spindles in the headboard. 

His name comes out of you in a gasp of breath. 

He’s had these dreams for years but they’ve been happening almost every night since you showed him that spell. Sometimes passionate– your thighs opening as he explores your body— but just as often innocuous. Picking flowers in the meadow by his boyhood home. Bringing you tea as you read on the porch swing. 

Each dream is so alluring, even the most banal, he wakes up with the words on the tip of his tongue, ready to ask you to risk it all and turn him. 

You haven’t brought it up again in the weeks since you set that spellbook in front of him. Maybe you thought better of it. Maybe you were just angry. You told him about your spat with River and, while it touched him that you’d come to his defense, he knew it was an impulsive choice. 

Either way, it’s for the best.

It wouldn’t end well. Of course, you’d be putting yourself at risk. He’d made that very clear to you. There are a thousand other reasons why it shouldn’t be done. He’s probably forgotten how to be human and what he would do with himself in this day and age, he has no idea. The only job experience he’s had in the past two hundred years is rat catching.

The logistics of being a human matter little to him, though. His real concern is with you.

He’ll no longer be your companion. You won’t scratch behind his ears, invite him to lay in your lap. You’ll probably expect him to move on and live the life he’s always wanted. He can’t think of one that doesn’t involve you.

At least as a cat, he never has to know if you’d choose another man over him.

He’s laying awake, pondering this once again, when your eyes crack open. Warm mid morning light pours in through the lace curtains, bathing you in a honeyed glow. With Margot out of town and the store closed, the two of you had been on your own, spending the previous dsy together. A walk in the woods, a visit to the coffee shop where other patrons greeted Ezra with friendly scritches. You bailed on plans with the mortal Connor to watch movies and snuggle Ezra on the couch. It should have been enough, that’s what he thought when the credits rolled and you were snoring on the couch, your fingers buried in his scruff. He could share a lifetime of this with you and be grateful for it. But he was greedy. 

”Happy Halloween,” you say. 

You pull him close and he nuzzles into your warm skin. 

“You were in my dream,” you say. Your voice is still rough from sleep, still somewhere far away like you haven’t fully regained consciousness. 

Ezra’s cheeks heat under his fur. It’s not just the raspiness of your throat but his shame. If only you knew what he’d been dreaming about. 

“I was doing that spell. To change you,” you say. 

“I would’ve hoped for something more scintillating.” He plays it off as a joke. 

You huff a laugh and rest your wrist across your forehead, eyes cast towards the ceiling. “Right when you turned I woke up,” you say. 

Ezra doesn’t want to admit it— that he was thinking about that very spell, that he wants your dream to be a premonition. Witches have been known to have those. No, that’s wishful thinking. 

He gets to his feet and stretches out. 

“What a pity you missed my face. I can’t quite remember my own countenance,” he says. 

You sigh with exasperation. “I think it’s a sign,” you say.

“Our dreams are just that,” he tells you.

“Not this one. It wasn’t just a dream,” you insist. You sit up on your elbows meeting his eye with eagerness. “I can do it.”

“I told you—“

“Ezra, I want to do it,” you say with finality. “I want you to be human again.”

He grits his teeth. If he was capable of crying, he might after hearing your words, seeing that resolution in your expression. It takes all of his strength to not just give in and say yes. You know the reasons why it shouldn’t be done and he can’t tell you the ones that make him hesitant.

“You would turn me knowing how much more capable I am of violence? I might be declawed but I will be far more dangerous as man than beast.,” he asks. It still weighs on him even though it’s been weeks since the equinox and it seems you’ve all but forgotten it.

“I trust you,” you say. There’s a tenderness in your eyes that makes Ezra’s heart swell. 

He knows you mean it. You shouldn’t. He doesn’t deserve to be trusted, to be loved by you. He was never a good man, never stood up for anyone else. And it’s that very reason that’s had his mind in knots. He’s selfish. He wants this chance. 

Maybe, maybe you’ll give him the same look as a human and he can love you back the way he’s always wanted. 

“Besides, I know how to defend myself,” you say with a grin. 

That’s his little mage. 

“Very well,” he says. “I’m ready.”

–

You light the final candles on the oak table. The basement is illuminated by the dim glow of candles. You’ve spent the whole day down here with Ezra readying everything for the moon of All Hallows Eve.

Luckily Aunt Margot will be gone for the week so you don’t have to worry about interruptions. You’re not sure how she’ll react but right now, frankly, you don’t care. This is the right thing to do, you keep telling yourself. It’s justice. It’s not about the thrill you feel now, butterflies in your belly. 

You’ve daydreamed about it and after last night’s dream, your imagination feels closer than ever There’s no good picture in your mind of what Ezra will be like but his looks aren’t important. You can’t wait to do normal things with him. What will it be like to get a coffee with Ezra? To do rituals together at Ostara. To hear his old stories again, made new by his facial expressions. 

He’s quiet, nervous you’re sure, beside your cauldron. His golden eyes flit from the flames to the spellbook to the darkened window. Your excitement cools and suddenly you’re worried that your enthusiasm got the better of you. Had you pressured him into agreeing to this? He’s still your familiar after all, bound to serve you.

You kneel at the edge of the table.

“Are you sure you want to do this? We don’t have to,” you say.

“As long as you’re certain you’re willing to take on the risks,” he tells you.

You nod.

“Very well,” he says.

You look at one another for a long time, both knowing that this will be the last time things are the same. You memorize everything about him, his elegant face, the whiskers beside his little black nose, the streak of white fur above his eye. This is your Ezra, will always be even if he doesn’t exist in this form. You wish you could thank him for everything he’s done for you but the words are stuck in your throat. It won’t do to start crying now when you need to focus and recite the incantation clearly.

“I love you, Ezra,” you manage.

He responds with a long, slow blink and you kiss his forehead.

The potion is murky and thick as you ladle it into a dish. Ezra recoils when you place it in front of him. 

“Smells like piss,” he says with a wince before lapping it up. A shiver runs over his body, down the length of his tail. “Tastes like it.”

He leaps onto the table and settles at the center of the carved pentagram.

“Work your magic, little mage,” he says.

This is it. It’s all laid out just like your dream but you’re still anxious. There’s no room for error.

With a deep breath, you straighten your back and begin to say the words. You read them countless times throughout the day, memorizing each verse so that it can flow from your heart to your tongue. As each one leaves your mouth, you visualize them on the page. Magic begins to stir in you, a tingle beneath your skin.

Ezra lays on his belly, his eyes drifting close, paws outstretched towards you. 

You shut your eyes tight and focus your energy, like a beam of pure magic directed towards him and say the words again.You think about him, really envision his details down to the hair. Memories flood you. Ezra rubbing up on the old books in the store. His soft purrs against your chest when your heart felt heavy. The time he slipped on the edge of the tub and fell into your bath. The love you feel for him radiates in your chest all the way to your fingertips.

You’re squeezing all of it palms, every drop of energy within you aimed at Ezra. A vibration, an earthquake. 

You say the words a final time. 

Lightheaded. Breathless. Exhausted. 

Your eyes flutter open.

Ezra lays on the table just as you left him. Unchanged.

“No.” The word slips from your mouth nothing more than a whisper.

Ezra blinks, looking down at his black paws.

You see his shoulders sag and a long moment passes as he gathers himself before looking at you.

It doesn’t make sense. You did everything right, just as you’d seen in your sleep. You’ve never cast with such fervor. 

“Okay,” you say, swallowing hard around a sob. “We’ll do it again. The moon will be higher.” You can hear your own desperation, voice shaking as you try not to lose faith.

Ezra slowly sits himself up.

“Maybe you need more potion,” you suggest.

“No, little mage,” he says, resigned. 

“Ez–” You’ve failed him. Your chest burns, tears brim in your eyes.It feels like you might collapse from the exertion and sheer heartbreak that’s overwhelming you.

“It’s alright. I’ve been a cat for more than a few years. And so I shall remain,” he says.

🐈‍⬛

Part 4

Again, it would really make my day to hear from you if you've come this far! My asks and dms are always open!

[hirachat]

LONG POSTT i wanna ramble ab illustrhater for a bit dont mind me

i infamously live for filler so i had a blast with the premiere episode :) i wanted to breifly (lmao) talk about this ep bc oh my goodness i have faith in the writers this season bc they understand our characters so well

the way mari wants to initiate casual intimacy with adrien but doesnt know how bc shes never played that role before in a relationship (luka initiated most of it honestly) was genuinely so cute. plus shes obviously not really scared of *him* but is scared to not be *enough for him* which is where i predicted any conflict between them would go. and i dont see this as regression but more as a realistic timeline for growing up with anxiety. bc mari isnt just anxious sometimes, she has anxiety!! shes an anxious person who over thinks everything, so it makes sense that she would over complicate the smaller things in life too. im so glad theyre staying true to that aspect of her character while still keeping some of her confidence.

mari then switching to ladybug every time she got overwhelmed by trying to be close with her “perfect boyfriend” was actually so funny. bc here she is manufacturing problems in her personal life, only to then go to her alter ego where she has so many other things to worry about, but because she didnt create the problem herself she wants to fix it! 😭😭 i loved that

and chat noir staying with her was so funny, he was just watching her spiral for so long im sure he was nervous for her. and adrien hesitating to leave the date 👀 im keeping tabs on that hehehehe. adrien in general was super chill and was very much not used to initiating intimate contact with mari, to the point where he didnt even pick up on their lack of casual closeness. i blame that on the trauma honestly.

and then the kwamataga, oh my god. i strongly believe that alya would be an amazing guardian and she was the most obvious choice (no i will not argue ab this, i am a chat noir is an equal truther to the bone but this is just different shhhhh). HOWEVER, i hate the role of the guardian. its just so sad. your memories being wiped? having a target on ur back until u are taken out or renounce your role? thats so heavy, and im sure mari deliberated over it for a while. but damn. i was hoping that mari would find a way to avoid the fate of the guardians before her. and now that burden is being passed over to alya…. my heart hurts for them. the brutal cycle continues.

and then the silence after they mentioned something happening to mari was SO LOUD. GOD SHES SO DOOMED. poor babies theyre ab to go through hell.

i also loveeee chrysalis down. there was also mention of a “them” and “us” and now im just really scared 🤣 that could mean anything!!! im so excited but im also shitting myself we are not prepared for act ii of this season 😭

basically i loved it and im kinda scared for the actual lore eps bc they will hit us like a bullet train. im choosing the easy choice of enjoying life rn and avoiding the obvious impending doom looming over the narrative bc im TERRIFIED 😭

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

PLEASE 🙏🙏🙏🙏 YOUR DSB PLAYLIST!!! I keep seeing u talk about it and you have BANGERS on that pl

I think I have shared it before but back when I was only on like chapter 2 so its been buried and has changed ALOT- But here you go!!

Full list (and notes)

Oh No! (Tims "Grand plan")

Flight of the Crows (Running away from what he loves, of course)

Nobody (Self imposed curse of isolation)

Colors (Yes. (also just a fav tim song regardless of AU)

United in grief ( Acting as Timothy Drake)

Teen Idle (Mourning his youth, for a second time)

Gasoline (Tim breakdown in luxury vibes)

I cant fix you (I still religiously listen to fnaf fan songs, this one just fits)

Brother (MY COUNTRY ASS SNUCK IN- It doesnt even relate to the AU, I just love the vibe- if anything it fitd Dick towards Jason but thats besides the point)

Passing through (cant the future just wait) (Times running out)

Are you Satisfied? (Literally perfect song about his situation)

Look who's inside again (Again, Isolation)

Coffee (Internal struggle- but the caffine isnt the problem)

Digital Silence (Again, just in here for the vibes)

Over & Over (AMAZING imagining song, like a little movie)

Problems (Tim to Jason)

Oh Ana (Not even kidding, THE MOVIE song- (from breathing as tim bleeds out to the The Angel I couldnt kill just AHH)

Rat (Just a vibe)

Lotta True Crime (Not for Tim actually, but related)

Misery Meat (Mans is the rainbow fish)

Feel Better (Y E A H- No explination needed)

Arms Tonight (This but literally, though he wont admit it)

The Burning pile (Tim ignoring his problems for the "greater good")

Family Jewels (The Drakes.)

Devil Town (Life in Gotham, reminishing his Time as Robin w/ his old fam)

Hermit the Frog (Another "just a vibe")

Michelle (Not for Tim, but relevent :)

Girls (The horror in being Timothy)

Saint Bernard (THIS- THIS THIS THIS (literally so mmmm lore))(might make a PMV when the fic is finished just for THIS!!)

Washing Machine Heart (A vibe.)

The Bidding (Timothy but less ironically)

Seventeen (Tim and Timothy- also just "seventeen" when he died s o)

Cupid (He still loves them...)

Hidden in the sand (Memories.)

dumb dumb (Tim pulling off his shit, mostly Cardinal)

American Healthcare (glitzy) (Tim in his career)

Treehouse (STAY OFF MY LAWN!!!)

Worlds greatest actor (Rec by @ihavenotsleptindays my dear, and its perfect. Tim as Timothy, or are they one in the same??)

Rule #34 (Not for Tim, but TOO him :)

Harpy Hare (Im obsessed okay?)

Prom Queen (Beautiful tragedy all the people envy)

No place like home (Not what it seems)

Again & Again (Another "movie in my mind") song

Labryinth (Movie mind!! Lots of lore and distortion lol)

Youth (Tim being self aware, for once)

Just one Yesterday (YES YES YES YES)

Angry too (Just a vibe.)

Pompeii (He misses what things can never again be)

spy? (Two face.)

Lullaby of the False Hydra ( Once again, im obsessed but for diff reasons)

Sweet Hibuscus tea (GAHHH)

Lights out (Hype song- and Cardinal BAMF)

Nothings New (Tim repeating his whole life and yet failing all over again)

Little Lion man (He wasnt really doomed wasnt he?)

Guilded Lily (The awnser is no, its never enough)

Underground (Once again, Gotham.)

Cast the Bronze (More a canon Jason song actually, but I still adore)

Could Have been me (Not Tim :)

Savior (Duet- but with who??)

Take me home, country roads (The country got me again. And yeah Tim longing for home he lost)

[gqueerb]

I will never forgive Lestat and Armand for the part they played in Claudia and Madeleine's death but the fact that Armand gets more hate for what happen to Claudia than Lestat in the fandom is insane to me and I LIKE Lestats dramatic sassy ass dont get me wrong, Im hyped when he shows up in a scene. But especially with how he kept framing Louis (whos not inocent no but has been manipulated by Lestat since he was a human and abused by him as a vampire) through all this as the problem for wanting to leave and forcing him to loneliness 🙄 and cruel for giving him the silent treatment after he dropped him from the fckn sky and not wanting to fuck lestat after Claudia left which is why he had to turn to Antoinette's bony flat ass like he hadnt already been hitting that since from way back when .. like what?

and dont even get me started on claudias turning scene and how this doesnt change anything, the fact that louis didnt fully process the extent of what Lestat was telling him while being traumatized and desperate to save her life as his form of "penance" and someone to possibly be his family which is so unfair to claudia and one of the ways in which Louis is not inocent either but doesnt in any fckn way make lestat a victim and Louis the bad guy in their dynamic (once again not that Louis is a inocent - he isnt - or anything but cmon)

All I'm saying is if youre gonna hate on Armand with such a passion be sure to do the same with the white vampire (especially since ppl treat the fact that a 500y vampire wasnt ready to sacrifice his coven of 200y for a guy he'd been fuckn for a while and repeatly told to get the fck out of Paris since he met him bc it wasnt safe and was clearly using him as a rebound is crazy - again from claudia and louis perspective he is and will always be a manipulative bitch that I WILL NEVER FORGIVE FOR HIS PART in Claudias death but from his perspective...like I don't like it and there was a better way to handle it, i hate it in fact but I do get it)

Like hate on Armand for this and that fine just then keep the same energy with Lestat ppl its all im saying.

(and again I like Lestats cunty sassy ass)

bc if we're really honest and unbiased yh Lestat saved Louis but you know who he didnt save CLAUDIA he didnt even attempt to physically get her away from stage, fight for her nothing!!!

and he knew that Claudia dying would kill a part of Louis he would never get back

Idc what Anne Rice herself comes to me as a ghost and says "he would have if he could but he really couldn't save her" or anyone invoveld in the show for that matter bc what was actually SHOWN to us throughout the ENTIRE series is that his focus has always been on Louis (it was never about you/it was never you/I made you for louis) and at the end of s1 he was fully prepared to replace Claudia with Antoinette.

We all know that if he by any chance needed to make another attempt to save Louis bc the first one wasn't enough he would have! even if he had to fight a whole ass coven we all know he wouldve at least tried for Louis and he DID NOT lift a fckn finger for Claudia!!

Just bc Armand sucks doenst change the fact that Lestat also sucks is my point I guess.

(which is why I'm baffled at why Louis thought Lestat was worthy of any damn apology or thank you - like yh you saved me but you didnt even try to save our daughter and you were part of the reason I needed saving in the first place sooooo wtf do I owe you anyhting - the acting in that scene much like the acting in the entire series was amazing tho ngl!!)

Keep the same energy or just be honest about the fact that you're bias when it comes to Lestat which if you are thats fine, I can even respect that as long as you're honest and don't try to pass your biasis as a valid argument.

Bottom line Claudia DESERVED BETTER and I'm kind of side eyeing the hatred towards Armand the same way i did the opinions that were going around about his casting just bc he wasn't a white ginger (like what?! 😒) like the way some (not all) of yall talk about it is rlly weird and suspicious ngl

Claudia (+Madeleine) and Daniel are my favorite characters

Everyone else needs therapy, either that or be bathed in holy water or smth

[beesmygod]

Yo Bea,

What are the best sources for reading up about fromsoft lore? I know we’ve got your meticulously batshit blood borne book (thank you very much by the way) but what about the other fromsoft entries?

Also what’s your general opinion on the Japanese vs English translation with Fromsoft entires? How much nuance is lost/how many misunderstandings arise from the way things have been changed over? I distinctly remember people thinking that with Elden Ring the English ending monologue for Ranni made her goals sound way more sinister than the Japanese translation

this will have an unsatisfying answer: in my opinion, there really isnt any. bloodborne is the most centralized of them all, imo, and i really chalk this up to it being a more self contained and western narrative (at least on the surface level) compared to games that are either spread across multiple games (dark souls) making them fuck huge to consider or they're elden ring which is also fuck huge lol. theres just a lot of information to process. these stupid games and the collective understanding of their story really comes from disparate random reddit and forum guys who just pipe in with their evidence and its up to a jury of their peers to decide if it passes the smell test or not. its an imperfect system that allows some crap through. but as the whole, the collaborative research efforts have proven to be an excellent example of a community coming together to solve problems that don't matter at all lol.

unfortunately the research method is usually looking up questions and characters as they come to you and seeing if anyone else noticed or followed your own train of thought. trawling a wiki until you see something that makes you go "hey what is that all about" and seeing if anyone else knows or at least has a lead. and then you go from there.

HOWEVER: shetani's lair has the best sekiro breakdown i have ever seen in my entire life and greatly influenced the bloodborne doc. her work is phenomenal and REALLY gets in the nitty gritty of the translation work. i don't think people can do much better for sekiro than her work. its very good and very long. great reading imo.

this kind of dovetails into translation: i tend to look at both translations when i look at the games. this is because of a peculiar oddity in how the games are made; most of the games (sekiro excluded) are intended to have english voice acting. so at least a major part of the game's text is english only and was intended to be that way. as is inevitable with any translation job, some nuance gets lost. it is hard to convey a lot of the nasty doublespeak and pointed ambiguity in the original jpn item descriptions, which is why i try to hold the fan-provided japanese translations up to the english translations to see what carried across, what didn't, and if anything was missed.

but this doesn't mean the translations are bad. if anything they are shockingly good considering the conditions the translators have to work with (the japanese they translate is is like. archaic apparently lol. with tight turn around before launch). sometimes i am blown away by the translator's ingenuity at threading what must often feel like an impossible needle. ranni's ending speech is def way crazier than it was intended to be and might be the biggest example of a scuffed translation in a from game. she says some insane shit implying she's about to annihilate all life on earth with the cold instead of taking the cold away with her lol. oops!

and as always, if you have questions i would love to try to answer them. or at least say "i dont know" lol

[mjauqeen]

Lucy's problem pt.2

Hi, guys i know its been a while since I posted the first part and Im sorry for wating this long to post the secnod part but I had school and a lot of exams. Reminder english isnt my first language and this is my second fic so please be gentle, but if you have any advice whit how i can improve and whit what to add pls tell me.

..............................................................................................................................

A week passed since she had her talk with Alexia and she had to admit that how Ona was when she was with her vs when she was with their teammates was in fact a bit different. With her she was more touchy and a bit more cheery and talkative then she was with their teammates but that doesn’t have to mean anything. Maybe Ona was more comfortable with her for some reason.

Lucy still tried to act normal through this week and she was fairly successful but the thing is that every time Alexia saw something she thought was a bit suspicious with how Ona was acting she would nudge Lucy or whisper in her ear. The good thing is, her and Ale have started to hang out more, they went to get coffee together after training almost every day and they were a lot closer now. Alexia was basically the only person she could talk to about her crush and in turn Alexia told her about her new girlfriend Olga.

But whit the beginning of a new week Lucy started to notice that others began shooting her strange looks when she was talking or whispering something with Alexia, especially Mapi and Pina. She tried to talk to them about it but every time they would just brush her off and tell her nothing’s wrong.

She even tried to talk to Ingrid but the Norwegian got really quiet and told her that she can’t say anything and that she was sorry. And while that all was happening, she noticed that Ona started to be a bit distant from her, not a lot but enough for her to notice especially whit how much she paid attention to her. She talked about it with Ale but she was just as confused as her and told her that she will try talking with Mapi about it.

...

Ona knew she wasn’t being fair to Lucy and that she was acting colder towards her now, but she just couldn’t help it. She was being stupid, I mean even the reason that she was acting like this was stupid. She was jealous of Alexia, Alexia her capitan, it was nonsense really but Ona truly couldn’t help it.

Out of nowhere Alexia just got impossibly closer to Lucy and they went to get coffee almost every day, she had tried to do that since she got in Barca. And she was a bit hurt Alexia knew that she had a crush on Lucy, almost every girl that played in the Spanish national team knew that, and still it looked like Alexia had a slight crush on Lucy too. Ona knew that she couldn’t stop Alexia from having feelings towards Lucy but the capitan could have at least told her.

 Mapi and Pina also noticed their sudden closeness so she knows it’s not all in her head. Lucy noticed she was acting strange towards her, or at least it looks like she did whit how many concerned glances she was sending her but Ona really didn’t want to talk to her right now. She thought it was obvious that she liked Lucy but it looks like Lucy inly sees her as a friend.

 Anyway, she planned on ignoring this situation and all the people in it since she really couldn’t handle it right now. From the beginning she knew that there was a big chance that she will get her heart broken but she just wasn’t ready to face that reality just yet. For now, she just planned to start to get away from Lucy and interact whit her capitan as little as physically possible.

...

Alexia was truly confused whit what was happening, Lucy was just confused as her and Mapi was no help since she won’t tell her what’s happening. Mapi in fact told her to either first admit her secret or to figure it out herself. Now the thing is … the only secret she has is her relationship whit Olga, but she doesn’t know how Mapi would know about her relationship and that didn’t seem to have any connection with the problem since Ona was acting colder towards Lucy and especially towards her. But there was no way in hell that Ona was upset about anything connected whit Olga since she doesn’t even know Olga exists.

The real problem in all this was that not only was her best friend acting strangely towards her but Onas’s acting was really starting to get to Lucy and her plan to show Lucy that Ona likes her back was slowly falling in the water and she didn’t know what to do.

She couldn’t fix the problem since she didn’t know what the problem was and no one will tell her, whit every passing day Lucy is starting to look more and more like a kicked puppy and whit their newfound friendship, the new things she knows about her now, Alexia was starting to get really worried.

 In the end the only solution that she could think of was cornering Ona and forcing her to talk to her. Now she isn’t proud of her plan but at this point she didn’t have any other ideas, and like hell will she let this problem stop her from proving to Lucy that Ona liked her and that she’s worth it.

…

 They were having a water break and Alexia decided that now was her best chance to tell Ona to see her later, so she detached herself from Lucys side and went towards Ona.

“Hey Ona”

“… Hi Capitana”

“Listen Ona I don’t want to worry you but could you come talk to me after training?”

Ona hesitated “ Do I have to Alexia?” 

“I’m afraid you do yes”

“Fine then” Ona sighed “I’ll talk to you after training should I just come to the conference room”

 Alexia was starting to get worried now, usually Ona wouldn’t act like this when she just asked to talk to her “Yea sure let’s do it like that.”

 And that’s how three hours later Alexia found herself waiting for Ona to come in the conference room. Speak of the devil just as she thought that the door opened and Ona came thru. 

“So… what do you want to talk about Ale.” The moment Ona said the nickname a grimce apeard on her face and that’s how Alexia figured out that Ona really had a problem and a part of the problem was Alexia.

 “Ona just what’s been happening whit you for the past week. You aren’t talking to me and youre basically avoiding Lucy”The moment she said Lucys name Ona scoffed. 

“Of course you are worried about it” Ona mumbled. 

“Ona what… what are you talking about?” And for some reason that question really seemed to piss Ona off. 

“What I’m talking about??? You have to be kidding do you really have no idea why I’m upset whit you, I admit I can’t be upset whit Lucy it’s not her fault that she doesn’t like me back BUT YOU, well I think I at least have a little right to be upset whit you” Ona was fuming at this point.

 “Ona wha… what are you even talking about.” This was to much Alexia was getting more and more confused and this conversation wasn’t at all going the way she thought it would.

“What I’m talking about is you still getting with Lucy without even telling me even tho you knew that I liked her.” All the anger that Ona had in her body suddenly evaporated and now she was on a verge of crying. “I know I have no authority on telling you who to like or date but you could at least have told me that you liked Lucy… I thought we were friends.” Ona was crying now, her tears slowly sliding down her face as she hiccupped. 

“Carino no no no, of course we are friends and I don’t know where you got that but me and Lucy aren’t dating not even close to it and I don’t like her in that way. I don’t truly I don’t you have to believe me. I wouldn’t do that to you” Alexia was now slightly panicking while trying to gently wipe Onas tears away. She truly didn’t know how she had gotten the idea that her and Lucy were dating but she had to fix this, and she had to fix this now. 

“Really?” Ona said whit all that hope in her eyes and while hiccupping and Alexias heart broke a little. 

“Ona I really am not dating Lucy. I don’t know how you got that idea or if someone told something to you but I wouldn’t lie about this to you. Me and Lucy just got a bit closer and she turned to me about her problem since I’m the only one that know about it”

 “Oh…” Ona didn’t know if she ever felt more embarrassed in her life. She wanted a hole to swallow her whole… but at least Alexia and Lucy aren’t dating. “Ah..um… well do you maybe then think I have a bit of a chance whit her.”

 Alexia was going to strangle herself whit those two… well the problem is finally solved tho “Yes, I do. But Ona you have to talk to her about this, you avoiding her really hurt her and you have to at least apologize and if not explain the whole problem just say you were feeling stressed or something. But Ona you have to say something. Come on sit and well talk about it yea.”

 “Ok… thank you Ale, and I’m sorry” 

“Its ok Onita”

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for blocking a friend on instinct? So i (f16) have this friend, (m16) we can call him D, who i've been friends with since kindergarten.

About a year ago, i started growing very close to D through our friend group's dnd campaign we held every friday. I knew him for a long time but that was the first time we had started hanging out out of school. We were talking on snapchat every night just chatting and after a while he started to send much more... revealing snaps. Just his bare shoulders but like without a shirt. He said it was because he had to let his medication for his back dry. I was a little uncomfortable, but we were friends so i didnt think that it would escalate into anything weird.

After about a month, D starts sending snaps in a towel and pictures of his chest which made me very uncomfortable. I kind of let the chatting die down after that because it was the only way i could think of that would be enough to gently let him down easy (i was wrong). I stopped going to the hangouts with that group and kind of distanced myself because how uncomfortable D made me. This only made D try harder to get my attention.

I was still friends with the others in the group so i would often have one-on-one hangouts with the others and watch tv. One thing we watched was Miraculous and we laughed and joked about it all the time. D overheard us or something and went home and binge watched the entire series in a week. Then everytime i ate lunch with that friend group, D would always make direct references to Miraculous or sing the theme song really loud. This wasnt once a day, D would make miraculous references every single minute. He became obsessed with the show (which, for reference of how weird it was, D is a very religious Christian boy. He gets upset if he gets an A- and never drinks caffeine (no problem with any of those things but just understand that kind of guy being deep within the fandom of Miraculous out of all shows 😭)). It was so bad, and it once again was making me very uncomfortable.

Eventually, it got to an insufferable point where D changed his route to go home and made sure to pass me every day after school and wave. I started avoiding him in the halls, he would always ask obscure questions that werent that important. I couldn't understand why he couldn't get that i didnt want to be friends with him anymore so i set boundaries.

A text i sent to D: i apologize if i ever caused any misunderstanding, but i would like to make it clear that im not romantically interested in you. i can see that you have been trying to grow closer, but i dont feel the same way. i don't appreciate being followed around, and i dont like when people force themselves to like the same things i like. its not attractive to be a copy of someone. i enjoy being your friend but it's difficult to disregard these things. if im being totally honest, when you do things like this, it makes me really uncomfortable and borderline creeped out. i know crushes wont disappear overnight but i would appreciate more space. if youre looking for a girlfriend, this isnt the right person, nor the right way to get it. and i wont tell anyone about this so dont worry about word spreading or anything. thank you

D's response: Oh, I'm so sorry I made you think that! I don't have a crush on you, I just noticed how you don't hang out with our friend group as often and I just wanted to make sure that I was being as nice as possible to make sure you weren't mad at us or anything. I did start to think that maybe me trying all that made me seem clingy or annoying, so I'm really sorry for all of that. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I'll try to do better now!

This didnt sit right with me because after all of that i cannot fathom how that translates to "i wanted to include you". This made me question a lot about the situation.

Reasons i feel like i MBTA: i'm over thinking things and D could be a genuinely a nice person. Its hard for me to read the room and i need to work on that and probably apologize to D.

Reasons i feel like i MNBTA: i should trust my instincts rather than ignore them. I've had a psychological abuser in my family before and the situation could be a stalker behavior that i've learned is not ok to have.

What are these acronyms?

[notedchampagne]

i agree with what youre saying wrt harrow. fans (most often white fans) tend to forget that associating brown and black characters with words like "goblin"/"feral"/"rabies" and most any other variant tends to contribute to upholding the idea that people of color are "dirty" or "savage" or "unclean".

Those words get passed off as a harmless meme and are stripped of their meaning in white circles; thats not anyones "fault" usually, those words are poplar memes, but the problem lies in applying those words and similar sentiments to nonwhite characters without recognizing that those words and similar sentiments were used to consistently degrade nonwhite people historically.

I also agree that they also contribute to how broader fandom perceives nonwhite characters and can even contribute to perpetuating racist stereotypes. I also agree that there's kind of a double standard when applying those phrases to Ianthe vs. Harrow; I'm kind of lacking the braincells to word it well, but Ianthe's actions (and characterization overall) tend to be romanticized whereas Harrow tends to be... infantilized? Stripped of agency? And while the racism isnt always intentional, there's certainly a lack of acknowledgment that when the white character expresses """unhinged behaviour""" she's depicted as "hot and sexy" vs when the brown woman expresses a similar sentiment through her actions she's "rabid and feral and savage"

hope this makes sense. sorry its a bit of a tangent, and im sorry if this wasnt what you were necessarily getting at with your commentary, its just a trend ive noticed in a Lot of fandom spaces. While the characters are TLT-specific, the sentiment is not and happens in many many spaces.

yess this^^ i have nothing to add here really these are my observations as well

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

OKAY ... yan!jason... I could think about this going with both jasons if we thread carefully so bear with me EVERYONE 🎉🎉♥️🎉♥️🎉🎉💞💞🌟🌟💞🎉🎉

As you mentioned, yes your fics w ak!jason kinda thread on the yandere line (specially on the gilded cage series but tbh i could yap about this series separately teehee), which is why I asked first since none are tagged with yandere even though it borders onto it BUT it goes deeper and more unhinged than that

The one thing to like about yandere is how easily the line between infatuation and obsession can blur and 'how far can I go for them' becomes 'how far will i go for them' and you can play with this as you like

Observant and self conscious as Jason is, he is somewhat aware that this is terrible, 'somewhat' because he manipulates himself (and later you) to believe its out of love and infatuation

Of course (unless is Arkham Knight) he wouldn't outright kidnap you and keep you locked up without social interaction

I think it'd start gradually, slowly and indirectly encouraging you to stay at home longer (no longer needing to go out for groceries, gifting you things you want to keep you occupied, and when you go outside, he is there as well). Also, seeing the news reporting the latest criminal activity makes you a bit more aware about going outside (in this case, not going)

Jason used to be under the Bat's wing, is a former crime lord and he isnt feared for nothing, he knows how to do his stuff even if he doesnt think about it, but he cant predict that he is falling into the trap himself.

Now, if we think AK!Jason was just a bit silly, he is definitely...um... very silly now

I've been thinking a thooousand ways a yan!AK!Jason would go but the most prominent is him seeing you as his literal angel or savior.

You had been so kind to him when he looks like he's been through hell, wouldn't you spare to be just as kind when he reveals said hell to you?

And he believes its unreal someone is can be unceasingly sweet to someone like him. You have to be something else, something greater, something he cant let be tainted under Gotham's dirty hands. He understands this philosophy better than no other— understands you better than anyone else, and he loves you, so why not?

This must be fate testing him, to see if he is worthy protecting someone so precious.

So when he puts his plan into action, you are the first step he will execute. You loved that monster before, surely you will do it again, right?

rate 1 out of 10 and I will come back with more goodnight raeba..e.....💞💞♥️♥️💞💞

Interesting, interesting. I really like how you pointed out that he's manipulating himself and you. Because, at the end of it all, even if he's doing the wrong things, at least he's going it for the 'right' reason. He's keeping you safe, alive, close, no matter the cost.

I'll ramble more below the cut:

I'm gonna throw my opinion out there and tell you I can't really picture Jason acting like that in normal circumstances, or at least over an extended period of time. Maybe he'd treat you like that in his early crime lord era, before he has his claws in Gotham. Or if something really bad was happening in the city, but even then, once the problem passed, it wouldn't be an issue. (But that's just me)

I just think that Jason would want you to have a normal life? If you wanted nothing to do with him, wanted to be a civilian, and go out and be someone without him, I really think he would let you go. I mean, he'd keep an eye out for you, but I don't think Jason is the kind of person to force you to stay with him. (That's just more of a character analysis tho, I'm not saying anyone shouldn't write him one way or another)

But, AK is a whole different person, an entirely different Gotham. I looove the idea of combining some kind of vague religious factor into AK. (I have so many wips that play on you being larger than life to him) Because yes, he can't let the filith that is this city taint you in any way. Not when you're so good.

And say, if you knew him before the asylum, you're still seeing that boy you knew, still trying to help and understand and be there. And by the time you realize your presence is only making it worse, that you can't 'fix' him, it's already too late.

It's hard to even consider leaving, because you do love him. And he whispers that he loves you back in the middle of the night. So that has to mean something. How could you leave when there's so much love? You both know there's something wrong, but if no one's getting hurt... are either of you willing to voice there's a problem?

It would just be so easy to let yourself be manipulated by his games, so easy to stay locked away and safe with the wool over your eyes. But is it the right answer? Will it save either of you? I don't think so, but will taking that step to change anything? It would be hard, almost impossible. But you'd have to try. For the people you love. For yourself. For him.

[gffa]

saw someone say "dickbabs is bad cuz they're written as a stereotype of smart nerd/dumb jock which is a disservice to their characters" and its so weird cuz i cant think of any comics where they're written that way?? like the best comics of them are the ones where they're working on cases together combining both of their strengths and resources to solve crime and theres plenty of those.

also i've noticed so many dickbabs antis have a problem with barbara's intelligence in general which is odd to me. esp when dick himself is never intimidated nor threatoned by it and its sad. its like ppl claim to like girlboss/malewife couples but then when there's actually a couple that displays that dynamic in a way that matters and isnt just based on appearance or physical traits its too much and they back out!

I just wish certain Dickbabs antis would stop putting their "why this other pairing is so much better than DickBabs" stuff in the #dickbabs tag, like you are not helping me think better of your competing ship with that kind of behavior, it just comes off as so desperate to be mad that other people like something you wish they wouldn't like. Otherwise, I don't really wander into spaces that aren't into the things I'm into, because I'd much rather spend my time yelling about why I DO love the thing I love, so in that vein, LET ME TELL YOU WHY I LOVE DICKBABS SO MUCH. (To be clear, it's perfectly fine not to like the ship or like it in a different way, we'll still get along fine! It's not the sum total of EITHER character's role in the comics, there's plenty to talk about them without getting into this relationship! I'm just not here for those who need to go out of their way to shove it in my face that they don't like the ship, but disliking it and staying in your lane--as many, many lovely people do! the majority I would even say!--is of course fine.) (To further clarify, I don't know the context of the original post mentioned here, it's not part of anything I'm speaking of, this is purely about trying to shove it in others' faces, not about how other people interpret ships differently from me while staying in their own lanes. So I'm probably not speaking about the original post whatsoever here!) For me, I think the heart of their bigger relationship is built on their mutual support for each other, that they each have established themselves individually and have their own books and their own time in the spotlight, but they keep gravitating towards each other because they're better and stronger and more fun together. That each of them gladly takes their turn being the support for the other, because that's what relationships do! And they do it with such love, like-- I love them because they've known each other so long that they really get each other, they get that the other isn't perfect, and they've made the choice to be with that person even when their issues have thorns. Like, I loved everything about their conversation in Nightwing #96:

That is exactly what he needed to hear--she wasn't being cruel or dismissive of his issues, she wasn't even really being mean about the issues he picked up from Bruce, because she's right, Bruce does have some really shit traits that he passed on to his eldest. She's not saying that either he or Bruce are bad for it, she's just accepting that it's part of the man she loves and she'll cut through it with him because he's worth any effort it would take to be with him. I love that she laughs right in his face about breaking up, because that's not cruel or dismissive either, it's just Dick being ridiculous and sometimes it's part of his charm and they've always teased each other--the thing is, it's also always followed up with warmth and care, she asks him point blank, are you happy with me? Because you are allowed to be happy. I'm allowed to be happy and I'm happy with you, you're worth dying for, let's do this together. Or I love their earlier dynamic in the Batgirl comic as well, just after Bruce and Selina's failed marriage (this is before they got back together, like in the above):

I love SO MUCH that Babs isn't sure that she necessarily wants a marriage any time soon, she doesn't trust yet that it could last, but what she does want is someone who would be there if she needed them, that at this point in time she feels like moments are all any of them are allowed to have, so what she wants is someone who will always answer when she calls. At this point, she's afraid to commit because she doesn't feel like they get that kind of thing, she's afraid of her own feelings, that really gets hammered in during the Death Knight storyline where they're fighting against the end of the world, the collapsing of the multiverse, and Bruce is tired of their bickering, so he tells them to just "skip to the end", which is basically, Dick wants to symbolically marry her, but she's afraid because she doesn't want her feelings for him to get in her way, she's terrified of losing him again:

But he's there for her, he says that it's just for tonight, he can put it aside when they need to, and later he'll win her back. This is who Dick and Babs are to me--they dance around each other because their feelings are so intense and sometimes it feels like they're on different pages (Dick's a romantic who wants to get married someday and knows it, she isn't sure she wants marriage but something less defined), but then you dig into it a bit and realize they are on the same page, it's just that their costumed lives, the traumas they've both lived through, make them scared of that level of intensity. And that's why Babs being the one to say, once they're together, no, we're happy together, we're allowed to be happy together, is so important. It's why she refuses to not come along with when Dick is going to the founding of the Alfred Pennyworth Foundation and doesn't take his shit about trying to keep her safe in Nightwing #88.

Because they take turns supporting each other, they take turns being the one to say I love you so much that I would fight the world for you, that they make each other stronger and shore each other up. Even before they got back together, they supported each other and were always there to listen, to joke around to lighten the mood, to just be a friendly ear without expectations of anything else:

Plus, they are adorable when they're flirting:

DICK'S IDEA OF A HOT DATE IS A NIGHT ON THE SOFA IN SWEATPANTS, EATING POPCORN, AND WATCHING THEIR FAVORITE SHOW. HE UNDERSTANDS HER, OKAY.

Ultimately, I love them because sometimes she goes to him. Sometimes he goes to her. Sometimes she cuts through his bullshit with love. Sometimes he cuts through her bullshit with love. They're always there for each other, even when they're not together. They have a blast flirting with each other. They're both aware of the other being a hot mess sometimes, but they know that's part of the person they love and deal with it. They're partners.

[3liza]

i was looking at the pics of other dogs that are reputed to be German Shepherd + Labrador mixes like Churchgrim (although some are clearly not just lab + shep lol) and reading descriptions of their personalities and behavior, and after having grim a while i do really recommend the german shepherd/labrador retriever mix as an easy, trainable dog with (usually) a good mellowing of the worst traits of either breed. all the descriptions of the dogs that are clearly just a shep/lab are the same as grim, with the exception that others' dogs seem to need more exercise than grim does

they tend to be very intelligent, but not border collie-level obsessive, and have a little of the GSD drive, but the anxiety that often makes GSDs insane is seriously chilled out by the dopey labrador genes. grim will woof at strange noises but is otherwise completely silent, not tending to whine and yodel like GSDs do. he will immediately stand down when he finds out what alarming noises are. he is unbothered by fireworks. he's suspicious of strangers approaching the house, which i want, but has never been aggressive and is extremely friendly when in public and when introduced to people. he is gentle with children and anyone with physical disabilities, giving them space. the shedding situation is bad, but the odor and drooling are very minimal. you dont get stinky matted bib fur or runny eyes. he likes food enough to respond well to food rewards for training, but not so much that he will chew open a cooler and eat everything inside like labs tend to do. he's big, but perfectly comfortable in an apartment with a few short play sessions a day and two walks. he's not greasy like labs tend to be, but still wont soak up water if he walks in the rain, you can just have him shake before he comes in or briefly towel him and he's dry. dirt and water and detritus falls off easily, no matting, and he never gets too cold. he has excellent weather tolerance generally, although he dislikes being hot. he likes to play and run, but only for about 10 minutes, and has never objected to long distance walking, but most of the time he just wants to hang out around the house. he learns new words and commands instantly. he clearly is bonded to me above everyone else, but isnt pushy or clingy and will obey commands from other people politely. he enjoys a hug or a petting, but doesn't invade my personal space or beg for constant attention and contact. he has no separation pathology and can be crated without stress or left alone for several hours without any issue.

he's just a very easy dog. i never had any of the issues people seem to have with puppies or training or toileting or anything. aside from his lumps (lab trait) and allergies (GSD trait) he has essentially no problems.

i mention this because this type of dog gets passed over at shelters a lot, and there are a LOT of them at shelters. because theyre large and just look like generic "dogs", which is boring, and people tend to assume their size means they cant be indoor, apartment potato dogs, and overlook them for flashier, more exotic adoptees, they get euthanized a lot. the latter reason, looks, is a really stupid way to pick someone who's going to live with you in your house for 15 years. what you want, what everyone actually wants, is a dog that can hang. you want a dog you can take places who will not embarrass you, and can go without exhausting grooming upkeep without developing health problems, a dog that wont bark at people through your fence, who can be trusted to be left in a (not hot) car or a yard or an apartment alone for short periods, who can sit on the porch and greet the mailman politely, but who will just as easily kill a home invader. you want a dog who never barks unless it's important. this kind of intelligence is really rare in dogs. theyre usually just kinda in their own world, no matter how much they love you. this type of "can parse most english sentences and respond" and "understands situational context and subtext" type of intelligence is much rarer, and i think it's a common trait of this particular breed mixture.

[spookberry]

Manga review cuz I was feeling irritable:

Kaoru Hana wa Rin to Saku

Its getting an anime in 2025 which looks like it has potential to be very Pretty but like i Do Not get why people like this manga. Like its a romance but the romance is the blandest part of the story.

You know whats ACTUALLY interesting and good?? The friendships.

Like oh my god main girl, Kaoruko, has nothing going on except for being a word of encouragement when main guy needs it. Literally made in a lab to be cute and be in the right place at the right times to push him along his path a little faster than he would've gone without her. Otherwise every beautiful and sweet and meaningful move in his character arc is actually entirely because and FOR his friends!!! Which is annoying in a feminist way, but I'd be willing to give em some leeway cuz Rintaro is the main character its his pov so obvi we arent gonna get glimpses into her inner world if he isnt.

But!!!! My main problem is the other characters in the story ascribe everything he does as her good influence on him which is like blatantly untrue????

He changes and becomes a better person and learns to communicate specifically to show his friends he cares about them the way they care about him. The FIRST thing he ever truly talks to her about is how he is putting more effort into this test because if he passes it means he gets to hang out with his friends and how hes anxious about it cuz hes Never Cared About doing well on tests before now like akckahsj. And yet everything gets turned around like "wow im so glad you met Her youve changed so much for her" like the story itself is misunderstanding him and his motivations in a way that pisses me off sooo bad.

Like dont get me wrong here either I do not hold any of this against Kaoruko at all. Its just weird that shes this perfect idealized girlfriend when the only person she seems to have any true and deep connection to is her own childhood best friend Subaru who is an infinitely more interesting female lead. (And even then we dont get to see all that from Kaoruko's perspective either, we see it from Subaru's) Watching Subaru befriend the guys and work through their issues together is sweet and wholesome and like actually compelling.

Not to mention Subaru's own hangups and issues play more into the stories overarching drama of the boys and girls going to rival schools that hate one another.

Kaoruko being so sweet and always smiling in the face of adversity yet simultaneously being completely closed off and unknowable COULD be interesting too!! But as far as I read, the manga was not interested in unpacking what could've lead her to be like that nor was it setting up ways to crack her open more or let the other characters have that glimpse into her inner world the way we've gotten with Subaru or Rintaro or Saku or even the other that other girl shes friends with.

The other thing the manga really struggles with is what i call showing And telling cuz not only will you see a cool emotional beat and get to process it but then you get to watch the characters explain it to eachother for the rest of the chapter too. Like the writing is Really handholding the audience, when they genuinely Do Not need to. Like the art is already good at showing how people are feeling or what theyre thinking we dont need it to be explained on top of that. Maybe this is something the anime will fix...... or its something the anime will make worse.

3rd thing is the way they hinted at the eventual introduction of Rintaro's older brother made me think he died and that was why Rintaro was Like That. Like I was 100% expecting this angsty backstory but no. Hes just at college. I wish he was dead. It woulda been so much more interesting.