#'i was just passing through this isnt really my problem'

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

15 being like "you cant save everyone" vital lesson for a doctor

[bittwitchy]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

[mothandpidgeon]

Nine Lives (witch's familiar!Ezra x witch!f!reader) - Part 3

Moth's Masterlist // follow @mothandpidgeon-updates and turn on notifications to stay updated with my fics!

SERIES MASTERLIST

pairing: witch's familiar!Ezra x witch!f!reader

rating: T (evenual E) MDNI

summary: As you came into your powers and your curves filled in, Ezra realized he feelings for you were more than just affection. The only problem? He's a 300 year old crused witch. Oh, and he's a cat.

contents: age gap (like 300 years), angst, slow burn, yearning, probably anachronistic witchy stuff, Ezra is a cat, he won't be forever, this isnt a beastiality thing, mentions of abuse moth never uses y/n.

wc: 4.3k

a/n: I've had a tough couple of weeks (I mean, this week, who hasn't). I hope this will bring some of you joy this weekend. You deserve it. If it did, please please let me know. That would really cheer me up. Also, in case you missed it, going forward I'm going to be updating every 2 weeks. I really hope I can keep it up!

I must thanks @moonlitbirdie and @lowlights for the beta and their massive support of me in life and in writing this. Also thank you @schnarfer for helping me brainstorm some plot!

🐈‍⬛

Aunt Margot’s ringing up a tattooed girl with glasses when you stomp into the shop. You swing the door open so violently that it’s bell thwacks into the wall. You had almost a mile in the woods to walk it off but your anger has only grown, ballooning into a hot rage that’s devouring everything in your path.

“How was it?” Margot asks with a sly smile once the customer’s left with their little brown paper bag.

“River’s disgusting,” you announce. 

“What happened?” her expression immediately clouds with concern. 

“This is exactly why I don’t date witches. I told you that I didn't want to be set up with him.” you rant, blowing past her into what was once the dining room. 

There’s still a turned leg table at its center, now piled with goods for sale. Percy winds his way between beeswax candles and hand-poured soaps.  

“Oh yes I really forced him on you,” she says with sarcasm. “I recall the two of you were practically necking in front of the whole coven last night.”

You’re not sure if it’s the idea that you almost fucked River or the term necking that grosses you out more but you cringe.

“He’s so backwards. Guys like him make me ashamed to be a witch,” you say. 

“How can you say such a thing? Ashamed to be a witch! Do I need to remind you just how lucky you are? After what we’ve been through? Our kind was almost wiped off the face of the earth. By mortals like your little boyfriends,” she says. 

“I’m so tired of hearing that. It’s a shitty excuse. Mortals killed witches hundreds of years ago so we get a free pass to do whatever we want. To treat our familiars like slaves,” you reply. 

She scoffs. “Percy do you hear that?”

He squeaks indignantly. 

“He’s offended by that,” she tells you. 

“He should be. It’s worse than offensive. It’s evil!” you say. Your voice echoes so loudly it rattles the antique silvered mirror hanging over the mantle. 

Margot gathers Percy in her palm calmly stroking his white fur, her eyebrow arched in a way that tells you she’s trying to be patient. You shouldn’t take out it on her. She’s never been anything but good to her familiar. 

“Do you know what he said about Ezra?” You can feel tears begin to bite at your eyes. 

She frowns when she reaches into your mind to hear it herself. 

“His family’s always held onto the old ways," she says, shaking her head in disappointment. 

“Don’t make excuses for him,” you snap. 

She tucks Percy into the pocket of her cardigan and places a gentle hand on your shoulder. 

“He’s an idiot and I’m proud of you. And you should be proud of yourself too. All of you,” she says. 

–

The basement of the Arcane Page might be described as spooky, what with its cobwebs and dusty, amber jars. Apothecary shelves stocked with potions, rare ingredients, and animal bones meet the low ceilings. Disused broomsticks sit in the corner along with willow branches and a black goat’s horn. There are all manner of spell books down here along with hand written notes from your ancestors. At the center of the room there’s a wide oak table carved with runes and spells. It smells like ink and dried leaves and magic. 

The warm sunset streams through the egress windows catching the dust that floats in the air. Margot didn’t have to be a mind reader to know you wanted to be alone and so she didn’t put up a fight when you offered to close up on your own. After you closed the register and locked the front door, you ventured down to the part of the shop meant only for witches. 

Your plan was just to have some quiet before venturing upstairs where Ezra would be waiting. For all you knew he was still huddled under the bed. You could abhor River but only one of you had actually hurt your familiar. You couldn’t bring yourself to face Ezra knowing you were just as bad as the rest of them. 

You start opening old books. Spell books and ancient texts. You’re looking for something, what it is you can’t be certain. All you know is that you felt drawn down here, your fingers itching for the parchment pages. 

When you were a young witch, you came here often. There were spell books that had become your favorites, embellished with intricate illustrations. You memorized charms for changing the color of your hair and shuffled a dog-eared set of tarot cards. This was where you cast some of your very first spells. Magic made the world feel full of wonder yet it gave you some control, an order to things that would otherwise be chaos. 

That’s gone now. All of it mixed up— pride and shame, power and weakness, love and loss. 

You pull a large volume from the shelf, its soft leather cover embossed with constellations. heavy and thick, You need both hands to carry it to the table where it lands with a thud and a gasp of dust escapes into the air. 

You turn it open, the aged glue of its spine cracking. You run your fingers over the delicate pages, so thin you can practically see through them. They’re covered in a careful hand and you can’t help but wonder about the witches that set these spells down, what advice they’d have for you. 

The magic in here is convoluted, singular spells that spill over pages and pages with diagrams and celestial calendars. Some are written in verse so dense you can barely make out their meaning. They remind you of the cadence of Ezra’s voice. 

These are not small acts of witchcraft. There are instructions for summoning beasts and recipes for potions that restore youth to be brewed specially on the solstice. Some of it feels dangerous— curses against unfaithful lovers, spells to wake the dead and use them for your bidding. 

You read through them all with mild curiosity. You have no reason to reanimate a dead horse or brew a cure for quinsy— whatever that is— though it would be amusing to cast a perpetual dancing spell on River if you didn’t think it would kill him. 

You chuckle to yourself as you imagine him dancing uncontrollably, his limbs uncontrollable, as you turn the page. And there you see it. 

What you didn’t know what you were looking for has found you.  

–

You barge into the apartment with a wild look in your eye. Ezra’s still curled up in your spot on the bed. He’s been there most of the afternoon, letting bad memories flood his mind. 

After the elders turned him, Ezra promised himself that he would be better. He’d been selfish and dishonest. Quick to anger. It was out of necessity, he’d told himself, but obviously it had only brought him suffering. He would change. But had he? He’d let you care for him, had loved you and fantasized about you, and he’d hurt you.  

You’re calling his name, breathless from running up the stairs, with a leather bound book under your arm. 

Ezra lingers in the bedroom door, guilt still festering. 

“Look,” you say, setting the tome open on the little breakfast table with a thud. It seems as though you’ve forgotten everything, a whirl of urgency about you. 

Ezra hops up and seats himself in front of the weathered pages. He takes in the verses there, the drawing scratched with quill and ink. It’s complicated and obscure, laborious instructions that must be followed to the letter. Behind him you’re nearly bouncing with untamed energy. 

“What are you showing me?” he asks. He knows. The spell is exact but its outcome is clear. 

“It’s a transfiguration spell,” you explain. 

“That much is clear but—“

“I want to do it,” you say. There’s a determination in your words, a fiery assuredness that makes Ezra’s heart pick up. “I want to turn you back into a human.”

“That’s impossible.”

“No. It’s all right here. And it says under the moon of All Hallow’s Eve. That’s just in a few weeks,” you add excitedly. 

“Little mage, I needn’t explain why this is folly,” he says.

It pains him to say it and not just because being human again would be the greatest gift. Your expression is a mix of frustration and heartbreak. 

“You propose to defy the Elders’ judgment. They won’t take kindly to that,” he says. 

“Fuck them,” you hiss. “The laws have changed. If you were convicted now, they’d take your powers but they wouldn’t make you live like this.”

“They’ll take yours if you do something so foolish,” he says. It comes out harsh but he’s angry that you’d risk your powers for him. That he wants so badly to accept. 

“You don’t deserve to be a fucking cat. You should get a normal life,” you say, your body sagging onto the sofa like it can’t stand the weight of it all anymore. 

“That’s quite a touching sentiment.” Ezra tries to couch the words in sarcasm but his voice breaks. He jumps down from the table and situates himself on the cushion beside you. 

“Why didn’t you tell them?” you ask, defeated. Tearful eyes look towards the ceiling before falling onto him. “When they put you on trial. Why didn’t you tell the elders what he’d done?”

Ezra’s head sinks between his shoulders. 

Damon was the kind of witch that only used his powers to numb himself to the rest of the world. He brewed potions that made him neglectful of his daughter one moment, belligerent towards her the next. Ezra had never considered himself a do-gooder. He saw the girl with bruises and said nothing. He was so disinterested in the goings on, he’d never even bothered to learn her name until his trial. Largely, he ignored them until the night he took Damon’s life. 

Ezra hadn’t meant to engage him. It was a snide remark he made that pulled Damon’s attention away from berating Cee. Soon the two of them came to blows, Damon throwing the first punch with an accusation. Ezra was scrappy but there was a point when Damon had him pinned down and he thought his time was up. So when he was able to break free, Ezra made sure he wouldn’t be bested. 

“You can’t understand how precarious it was for us then,” he says. “A hundred years of witch hunts. The life of a witch, even one as detestable as Damon was precious.”

Maybe if they’d known how Damon treated one of their kind, they would have shown Ezra leniency. But the real reason he accepted his punishment was because he knew it had been his own fault. Had he intervened earlier, gotten the Elders involved, it wouldn’t have ended in murder. You might think him a hero, but when the Elders made Ezra her familiar, Cee made it clear that she did not. 

You sigh, a slight shake of your head, and you sink back into the sofa. 

“You are a more than capable witch but this is ancient magic. It took the powers of no less than three elders to change me,” Ezra says as if it’s any consolation. 

“Maybe Margot—“ 

“You’d both risk your powers,” he stops you. “No, little mage. It’s impossible.”

—

“I’m not coming,” you say. 

Aunt Margot is loading a carpet bag into the trunk of her station wagon. Nearly a month has passed since the equinox. Halloween is two days away which means it’s time for your annual trip to Salem where the coven will be gathered through Samhain. The celebrations will be days long, singing and food, apple bobbing and fortune telling. Your little gathering doesn't compare. 

Last night you couldn’t bring yourself to pack.

“What do you mean?” She asks.

”I’m sorry,” you say with a shrug. 

You’ve been waffling on this decision for weeks but you’ve made up your mind. Even if it disappoints Aunt Margot.

”But everyone will miss you. And Simone’s making her gumbo,” she says.

”I know,” you say. 

As Margot babbles out more reasons why you really shouldn’t stay home (“The spirit walk just won’t be the same without you”), Ezra snakes between your legs. You were nervous of how she’d take this news and Ezra promised to be moral support. 

She throws out her hands with a pout. “I can’t stand thinking about you alone for All Hallows Eve,” she says. 

“I won’t be alone,” you say, picking Ezra up and scratching under his chin.  

“I will miss the gumbo,” he tells her. 

“No Ezra,” she contemplates. “Maybe I can actually win at Scrabble.” 

“Perchance,” he says, and you know she’s mentally tabulating the word score. 

“Is this because of River?” She narrows her eyes. 

It’s not. While you certainly won’t miss him, you wouldn’t let some dickwad keep you from having a good time. It’s all of them, really. Esme and the rest of them. Knowing how they think of Ezra, how they think of you, it makes you want to scream. You can’t subject him to their scorn and disdain, you won’t. You’d rather spend All Hallows Eve at home. 

And then there’s that little part of you. The one that knows it’s preposterous and downright idiotic yet still hopes that you can put the Halloween moon to good use. Ezra shut that down fast but, oh, how good would it feel for the funny little witch to give them all the middle finger? . 

“I’m just not in the spirit,” you say. 

“Well it won’t feel like All Hallows Eve without you,” she sighs. 

“I know,” you say. There’s a lump in your throat. You’ve never been apart from her for Samhain. There are countless warm memories of Halloweens past. When Margot got you your very first cauldron. The taste of pumpkin pie. The year of the freak snowstorm. 

With another sigh and the jingle of her bracelets, Margot pulls you into an embrace. The smell of vetiver hangs off her hair and you breathe it in deeply. 

“I’ll light a candle for you,” she promises. 

“Thanks,” you say. 

“And I’m going to jinx River’s socks. They’ll be damp for a month,” she says. 

You laugh. 

The horn of her car beeps and you break the hug to see Percy appear at the top of the steering wheel. 

“He’s worried about the traffic on the Thruway,” she tells you. “I’m coming!”

“Take care of her,” she says to Ezra, petting along his jaw

He nods. 

When Margot’s tail lights disappear down the street, you sit beside Ezra on the front steps. 

“You could go,” he says. 

“I made the right choice,” you say, stroking down the shiny fur on his back. 

“So what now?” he asks. 

“I don’t know. I've always wanted to go trick or treating,” you say. 

“That’s blasphemy, little mage,” Ezra quips. 

— 

Ezra holds you in his arms. Human arms. Your skin is warm against his as you lay tangled together. The morning light catches on the prism beads you have hanging in your bedroom window, little rainbows dancing across the walls and rumpled bedspread.  His lips brush across your forehead, leaving a ghost of a kiss at your hairline. You sigh dreamily and your fingertips graze his bare chest. You‘re just barely awake when you turn your face up to him, your eyes warm like you missed him while you were sleeping. He greets you with a kiss, your lips opening to him with a low hum. His fingers tangle with yours as the grasp the spindles in the headboard. 

His name comes out of you in a gasp of breath. 

He’s had these dreams for years but they’ve been happening almost every night since you showed him that spell. Sometimes passionate– your thighs opening as he explores your body— but just as often innocuous. Picking flowers in the meadow by his boyhood home. Bringing you tea as you read on the porch swing. 

Each dream is so alluring, even the most banal, he wakes up with the words on the tip of his tongue, ready to ask you to risk it all and turn him. 

You haven’t brought it up again in the weeks since you set that spellbook in front of him. Maybe you thought better of it. Maybe you were just angry. You told him about your spat with River and, while it touched him that you’d come to his defense, he knew it was an impulsive choice. 

Either way, it’s for the best.

It wouldn’t end well. Of course, you’d be putting yourself at risk. He’d made that very clear to you. There are a thousand other reasons why it shouldn’t be done. He’s probably forgotten how to be human and what he would do with himself in this day and age, he has no idea. The only job experience he’s had in the past two hundred years is rat catching.

The logistics of being a human matter little to him, though. His real concern is with you.

He’ll no longer be your companion. You won’t scratch behind his ears, invite him to lay in your lap. You’ll probably expect him to move on and live the life he’s always wanted. He can’t think of one that doesn’t involve you.

At least as a cat, he never has to know if you’d choose another man over him.

He’s laying awake, pondering this once again, when your eyes crack open. Warm mid morning light pours in through the lace curtains, bathing you in a honeyed glow. With Margot out of town and the store closed, the two of you had been on your own, spending the previous dsy together. A walk in the woods, a visit to the coffee shop where other patrons greeted Ezra with friendly scritches. You bailed on plans with the mortal Connor to watch movies and snuggle Ezra on the couch. It should have been enough, that’s what he thought when the credits rolled and you were snoring on the couch, your fingers buried in his scruff. He could share a lifetime of this with you and be grateful for it. But he was greedy. 

”Happy Halloween,” you say. 

You pull him close and he nuzzles into your warm skin. 

“You were in my dream,” you say. Your voice is still rough from sleep, still somewhere far away like you haven’t fully regained consciousness. 

Ezra’s cheeks heat under his fur. It’s not just the raspiness of your throat but his shame. If only you knew what he’d been dreaming about. 

“I was doing that spell. To change you,” you say. 

“I would’ve hoped for something more scintillating.” He plays it off as a joke. 

You huff a laugh and rest your wrist across your forehead, eyes cast towards the ceiling. “Right when you turned I woke up,” you say. 

Ezra doesn’t want to admit it— that he was thinking about that very spell, that he wants your dream to be a premonition. Witches have been known to have those. No, that’s wishful thinking. 

He gets to his feet and stretches out. 

“What a pity you missed my face. I can’t quite remember my own countenance,” he says. 

You sigh with exasperation. “I think it’s a sign,” you say.

“Our dreams are just that,” he tells you.

“Not this one. It wasn’t just a dream,” you insist. You sit up on your elbows meeting his eye with eagerness. “I can do it.”

“I told you—“

“Ezra, I want to do it,” you say with finality. “I want you to be human again.”

He grits his teeth. If he was capable of crying, he might after hearing your words, seeing that resolution in your expression. It takes all of his strength to not just give in and say yes. You know the reasons why it shouldn’t be done and he can’t tell you the ones that make him hesitant.

“You would turn me knowing how much more capable I am of violence? I might be declawed but I will be far more dangerous as man than beast.,” he asks. It still weighs on him even though it’s been weeks since the equinox and it seems you’ve all but forgotten it.

“I trust you,” you say. There’s a tenderness in your eyes that makes Ezra’s heart swell. 

He knows you mean it. You shouldn’t. He doesn’t deserve to be trusted, to be loved by you. He was never a good man, never stood up for anyone else. And it’s that very reason that’s had his mind in knots. He’s selfish. He wants this chance. 

Maybe, maybe you’ll give him the same look as a human and he can love you back the way he’s always wanted. 

“Besides, I know how to defend myself,” you say with a grin. 

That’s his little mage. 

“Very well,” he says. “I’m ready.”

–

You light the final candles on the oak table. The basement is illuminated by the dim glow of candles. You’ve spent the whole day down here with Ezra readying everything for the moon of All Hallows Eve.

Luckily Aunt Margot will be gone for the week so you don’t have to worry about interruptions. You’re not sure how she’ll react but right now, frankly, you don’t care. This is the right thing to do, you keep telling yourself. It’s justice. It’s not about the thrill you feel now, butterflies in your belly. 

You’ve daydreamed about it and after last night’s dream, your imagination feels closer than ever There’s no good picture in your mind of what Ezra will be like but his looks aren’t important. You can’t wait to do normal things with him. What will it be like to get a coffee with Ezra? To do rituals together at Ostara. To hear his old stories again, made new by his facial expressions. 

He’s quiet, nervous you’re sure, beside your cauldron. His golden eyes flit from the flames to the spellbook to the darkened window. Your excitement cools and suddenly you’re worried that your enthusiasm got the better of you. Had you pressured him into agreeing to this? He’s still your familiar after all, bound to serve you.

You kneel at the edge of the table.

“Are you sure you want to do this? We don’t have to,” you say.

“As long as you’re certain you’re willing to take on the risks,” he tells you.

You nod.

“Very well,” he says.

You look at one another for a long time, both knowing that this will be the last time things are the same. You memorize everything about him, his elegant face, the whiskers beside his little black nose, the streak of white fur above his eye. This is your Ezra, will always be even if he doesn’t exist in this form. You wish you could thank him for everything he’s done for you but the words are stuck in your throat. It won’t do to start crying now when you need to focus and recite the incantation clearly.

“I love you, Ezra,” you manage.

He responds with a long, slow blink and you kiss his forehead.

The potion is murky and thick as you ladle it into a dish. Ezra recoils when you place it in front of him. 

“Smells like piss,” he says with a wince before lapping it up. A shiver runs over his body, down the length of his tail. “Tastes like it.”

He leaps onto the table and settles at the center of the carved pentagram.

“Work your magic, little mage,” he says.

This is it. It’s all laid out just like your dream but you’re still anxious. There’s no room for error.

With a deep breath, you straighten your back and begin to say the words. You read them countless times throughout the day, memorizing each verse so that it can flow from your heart to your tongue. As each one leaves your mouth, you visualize them on the page. Magic begins to stir in you, a tingle beneath your skin.

Ezra lays on his belly, his eyes drifting close, paws outstretched towards you. 

You shut your eyes tight and focus your energy, like a beam of pure magic directed towards him and say the words again.You think about him, really envision his details down to the hair. Memories flood you. Ezra rubbing up on the old books in the store. His soft purrs against your chest when your heart felt heavy. The time he slipped on the edge of the tub and fell into your bath. The love you feel for him radiates in your chest all the way to your fingertips.

You’re squeezing all of it palms, every drop of energy within you aimed at Ezra. A vibration, an earthquake. 

You say the words a final time. 

Lightheaded. Breathless. Exhausted. 

Your eyes flutter open.

Ezra lays on the table just as you left him. Unchanged.

“No.” The word slips from your mouth nothing more than a whisper.

Ezra blinks, looking down at his black paws.

You see his shoulders sag and a long moment passes as he gathers himself before looking at you.

It doesn’t make sense. You did everything right, just as you’d seen in your sleep. You’ve never cast with such fervor. 

“Okay,” you say, swallowing hard around a sob. “We’ll do it again. The moon will be higher.” You can hear your own desperation, voice shaking as you try not to lose faith.

Ezra slowly sits himself up.

“Maybe you need more potion,” you suggest.

“No, little mage,” he says, resigned. 

“Ez–” You’ve failed him. Your chest burns, tears brim in your eyes.It feels like you might collapse from the exertion and sheer heartbreak that’s overwhelming you.

“It’s alright. I’ve been a cat for more than a few years. And so I shall remain,” he says.

🐈‍⬛

Part 4

Again, it would really make my day to hear from you if you've come this far! My asks and dms are always open!

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

PLEASE 🙏🙏🙏🙏 YOUR DSB PLAYLIST!!! I keep seeing u talk about it and you have BANGERS on that pl

I think I have shared it before but back when I was only on like chapter 2 so its been buried and has changed ALOT- But here you go!!

Full list (and notes)

Oh No! (Tims "Grand plan")

Flight of the Crows (Running away from what he loves, of course)

Nobody (Self imposed curse of isolation)

Colors (Yes. (also just a fav tim song regardless of AU)

United in grief ( Acting as Timothy Drake)

Teen Idle (Mourning his youth, for a second time)

Gasoline (Tim breakdown in luxury vibes)

I cant fix you (I still religiously listen to fnaf fan songs, this one just fits)

Brother (MY COUNTRY ASS SNUCK IN- It doesnt even relate to the AU, I just love the vibe- if anything it fitd Dick towards Jason but thats besides the point)

Passing through (cant the future just wait) (Times running out)

Are you Satisfied? (Literally perfect song about his situation)

Look who's inside again (Again, Isolation)

Coffee (Internal struggle- but the caffine isnt the problem)

Digital Silence (Again, just in here for the vibes)

Over & Over (AMAZING imagining song, like a little movie)

Problems (Tim to Jason)

Oh Ana (Not even kidding, THE MOVIE song- (from breathing as tim bleeds out to the The Angel I couldnt kill just AHH)

Rat (Just a vibe)

Lotta True Crime (Not for Tim actually, but related)

Misery Meat (Mans is the rainbow fish)

Feel Better (Y E A H- No explination needed)

Arms Tonight (This but literally, though he wont admit it)

The Burning pile (Tim ignoring his problems for the "greater good")

Family Jewels (The Drakes.)

Devil Town (Life in Gotham, reminishing his Time as Robin w/ his old fam)

Hermit the Frog (Another "just a vibe")

Michelle (Not for Tim, but relevent :)

Girls (The horror in being Timothy)

Saint Bernard (THIS- THIS THIS THIS (literally so mmmm lore))(might make a PMV when the fic is finished just for THIS!!)

Washing Machine Heart (A vibe.)

The Bidding (Timothy but less ironically)

Seventeen (Tim and Timothy- also just "seventeen" when he died s o)

Cupid (He still loves them...)

Hidden in the sand (Memories.)

dumb dumb (Tim pulling off his shit, mostly Cardinal)

American Healthcare (glitzy) (Tim in his career)

Treehouse (STAY OFF MY LAWN!!!)

Worlds greatest actor (Rec by @ihavenotsleptindays my dear, and its perfect. Tim as Timothy, or are they one in the same??)

Rule #34 (Not for Tim, but TOO him :)

Harpy Hare (Im obsessed okay?)

Prom Queen (Beautiful tragedy all the people envy)

No place like home (Not what it seems)

Again & Again (Another "movie in my mind") song

Labryinth (Movie mind!! Lots of lore and distortion lol)

Youth (Tim being self aware, for once)

Just one Yesterday (YES YES YES YES)

Angry too (Just a vibe.)

Pompeii (He misses what things can never again be)

spy? (Two face.)

Lullaby of the False Hydra ( Once again, im obsessed but for diff reasons)

Sweet Hibuscus tea (GAHHH)

Lights out (Hype song- and Cardinal BAMF)

Nothings New (Tim repeating his whole life and yet failing all over again)

Little Lion man (He wasnt really doomed wasnt he?)

Guilded Lily (The awnser is no, its never enough)

Underground (Once again, Gotham.)

Cast the Bronze (More a canon Jason song actually, but I still adore)

Could Have been me (Not Tim :)

Savior (Duet- but with who??)

Take me home, country roads (The country got me again. And yeah Tim longing for home he lost)

[mjauqeen]

Lucy's problem pt.2

Hi, guys i know its been a while since I posted the first part and Im sorry for wating this long to post the secnod part but I had school and a lot of exams. Reminder english isnt my first language and this is my second fic so please be gentle, but if you have any advice whit how i can improve and whit what to add pls tell me.

..............................................................................................................................

A week passed since she had her talk with Alexia and she had to admit that how Ona was when she was with her vs when she was with their teammates was in fact a bit different. With her she was more touchy and a bit more cheery and talkative then she was with their teammates but that doesn’t have to mean anything. Maybe Ona was more comfortable with her for some reason.

Lucy still tried to act normal through this week and she was fairly successful but the thing is that every time Alexia saw something she thought was a bit suspicious with how Ona was acting she would nudge Lucy or whisper in her ear. The good thing is, her and Ale have started to hang out more, they went to get coffee together after training almost every day and they were a lot closer now. Alexia was basically the only person she could talk to about her crush and in turn Alexia told her about her new girlfriend Olga.

But whit the beginning of a new week Lucy started to notice that others began shooting her strange looks when she was talking or whispering something with Alexia, especially Mapi and Pina. She tried to talk to them about it but every time they would just brush her off and tell her nothing’s wrong.

She even tried to talk to Ingrid but the Norwegian got really quiet and told her that she can’t say anything and that she was sorry. And while that all was happening, she noticed that Ona started to be a bit distant from her, not a lot but enough for her to notice especially whit how much she paid attention to her. She talked about it with Ale but she was just as confused as her and told her that she will try talking with Mapi about it.

...

Ona knew she wasn’t being fair to Lucy and that she was acting colder towards her now, but she just couldn’t help it. She was being stupid, I mean even the reason that she was acting like this was stupid. She was jealous of Alexia, Alexia her capitan, it was nonsense really but Ona truly couldn’t help it.

Out of nowhere Alexia just got impossibly closer to Lucy and they went to get coffee almost every day, she had tried to do that since she got in Barca. And she was a bit hurt Alexia knew that she had a crush on Lucy, almost every girl that played in the Spanish national team knew that, and still it looked like Alexia had a slight crush on Lucy too. Ona knew that she couldn’t stop Alexia from having feelings towards Lucy but the capitan could have at least told her.

 Mapi and Pina also noticed their sudden closeness so she knows it’s not all in her head. Lucy noticed she was acting strange towards her, or at least it looks like she did whit how many concerned glances she was sending her but Ona really didn’t want to talk to her right now. She thought it was obvious that she liked Lucy but it looks like Lucy inly sees her as a friend.

 Anyway, she planned on ignoring this situation and all the people in it since she really couldn’t handle it right now. From the beginning she knew that there was a big chance that she will get her heart broken but she just wasn’t ready to face that reality just yet. For now, she just planned to start to get away from Lucy and interact whit her capitan as little as physically possible.

...

Alexia was truly confused whit what was happening, Lucy was just confused as her and Mapi was no help since she won’t tell her what’s happening. Mapi in fact told her to either first admit her secret or to figure it out herself. Now the thing is … the only secret she has is her relationship whit Olga, but she doesn’t know how Mapi would know about her relationship and that didn’t seem to have any connection with the problem since Ona was acting colder towards Lucy and especially towards her. But there was no way in hell that Ona was upset about anything connected whit Olga since she doesn’t even know Olga exists.

The real problem in all this was that not only was her best friend acting strangely towards her but Onas’s acting was really starting to get to Lucy and her plan to show Lucy that Ona likes her back was slowly falling in the water and she didn’t know what to do.

She couldn’t fix the problem since she didn’t know what the problem was and no one will tell her, whit every passing day Lucy is starting to look more and more like a kicked puppy and whit their newfound friendship, the new things she knows about her now, Alexia was starting to get really worried.

 In the end the only solution that she could think of was cornering Ona and forcing her to talk to her. Now she isn’t proud of her plan but at this point she didn’t have any other ideas, and like hell will she let this problem stop her from proving to Lucy that Ona liked her and that she’s worth it.

…

 They were having a water break and Alexia decided that now was her best chance to tell Ona to see her later, so she detached herself from Lucys side and went towards Ona.

“Hey Ona”

“… Hi Capitana”

“Listen Ona I don’t want to worry you but could you come talk to me after training?”

Ona hesitated “ Do I have to Alexia?” 

“I’m afraid you do yes”

“Fine then” Ona sighed “I’ll talk to you after training should I just come to the conference room”

 Alexia was starting to get worried now, usually Ona wouldn’t act like this when she just asked to talk to her “Yea sure let’s do it like that.”

 And that’s how three hours later Alexia found herself waiting for Ona to come in the conference room. Speak of the devil just as she thought that the door opened and Ona came thru. 

“So… what do you want to talk about Ale.” The moment Ona said the nickname a grimce apeard on her face and that’s how Alexia figured out that Ona really had a problem and a part of the problem was Alexia.

 “Ona just what’s been happening whit you for the past week. You aren’t talking to me and youre basically avoiding Lucy”The moment she said Lucys name Ona scoffed. 

“Of course you are worried about it” Ona mumbled. 

“Ona what… what are you talking about?” And for some reason that question really seemed to piss Ona off. 

“What I’m talking about??? You have to be kidding do you really have no idea why I’m upset whit you, I admit I can’t be upset whit Lucy it’s not her fault that she doesn’t like me back BUT YOU, well I think I at least have a little right to be upset whit you” Ona was fuming at this point.

 “Ona wha… what are you even talking about.” This was to much Alexia was getting more and more confused and this conversation wasn’t at all going the way she thought it would.

“What I’m talking about is you still getting with Lucy without even telling me even tho you knew that I liked her.” All the anger that Ona had in her body suddenly evaporated and now she was on a verge of crying. “I know I have no authority on telling you who to like or date but you could at least have told me that you liked Lucy… I thought we were friends.” Ona was crying now, her tears slowly sliding down her face as she hiccupped. 

“Carino no no no, of course we are friends and I don’t know where you got that but me and Lucy aren’t dating not even close to it and I don’t like her in that way. I don’t truly I don’t you have to believe me. I wouldn’t do that to you” Alexia was now slightly panicking while trying to gently wipe Onas tears away. She truly didn’t know how she had gotten the idea that her and Lucy were dating but she had to fix this, and she had to fix this now. 

“Really?” Ona said whit all that hope in her eyes and while hiccupping and Alexias heart broke a little. 

“Ona I really am not dating Lucy. I don’t know how you got that idea or if someone told something to you but I wouldn’t lie about this to you. Me and Lucy just got a bit closer and she turned to me about her problem since I’m the only one that know about it”

 “Oh…” Ona didn’t know if she ever felt more embarrassed in her life. She wanted a hole to swallow her whole… but at least Alexia and Lucy aren’t dating. “Ah..um… well do you maybe then think I have a bit of a chance whit her.”

 Alexia was going to strangle herself whit those two… well the problem is finally solved tho “Yes, I do. But Ona you have to talk to her about this, you avoiding her really hurt her and you have to at least apologize and if not explain the whole problem just say you were feeling stressed or something. But Ona you have to say something. Come on sit and well talk about it yea.”

 “Ok… thank you Ale, and I’m sorry” 

“Its ok Onita”

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for blocking a friend on instinct? So i (f16) have this friend, (m16) we can call him D, who i've been friends with since kindergarten.

About a year ago, i started growing very close to D through our friend group's dnd campaign we held every friday. I knew him for a long time but that was the first time we had started hanging out out of school. We were talking on snapchat every night just chatting and after a while he started to send much more... revealing snaps. Just his bare shoulders but like without a shirt. He said it was because he had to let his medication for his back dry. I was a little uncomfortable, but we were friends so i didnt think that it would escalate into anything weird.

After about a month, D starts sending snaps in a towel and pictures of his chest which made me very uncomfortable. I kind of let the chatting die down after that because it was the only way i could think of that would be enough to gently let him down easy (i was wrong). I stopped going to the hangouts with that group and kind of distanced myself because how uncomfortable D made me. This only made D try harder to get my attention.

I was still friends with the others in the group so i would often have one-on-one hangouts with the others and watch tv. One thing we watched was Miraculous and we laughed and joked about it all the time. D overheard us or something and went home and binge watched the entire series in a week. Then everytime i ate lunch with that friend group, D would always make direct references to Miraculous or sing the theme song really loud. This wasnt once a day, D would make miraculous references every single minute. He became obsessed with the show (which, for reference of how weird it was, D is a very religious Christian boy. He gets upset if he gets an A- and never drinks caffeine (no problem with any of those things but just understand that kind of guy being deep within the fandom of Miraculous out of all shows 😭)). It was so bad, and it once again was making me very uncomfortable.

Eventually, it got to an insufferable point where D changed his route to go home and made sure to pass me every day after school and wave. I started avoiding him in the halls, he would always ask obscure questions that werent that important. I couldn't understand why he couldn't get that i didnt want to be friends with him anymore so i set boundaries.

A text i sent to D: i apologize if i ever caused any misunderstanding, but i would like to make it clear that im not romantically interested in you. i can see that you have been trying to grow closer, but i dont feel the same way. i don't appreciate being followed around, and i dont like when people force themselves to like the same things i like. its not attractive to be a copy of someone. i enjoy being your friend but it's difficult to disregard these things. if im being totally honest, when you do things like this, it makes me really uncomfortable and borderline creeped out. i know crushes wont disappear overnight but i would appreciate more space. if youre looking for a girlfriend, this isnt the right person, nor the right way to get it. and i wont tell anyone about this so dont worry about word spreading or anything. thank you

D's response: Oh, I'm so sorry I made you think that! I don't have a crush on you, I just noticed how you don't hang out with our friend group as often and I just wanted to make sure that I was being as nice as possible to make sure you weren't mad at us or anything. I did start to think that maybe me trying all that made me seem clingy or annoying, so I'm really sorry for all of that. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I'll try to do better now!

This didnt sit right with me because after all of that i cannot fathom how that translates to "i wanted to include you". This made me question a lot about the situation.

Reasons i feel like i MBTA: i'm over thinking things and D could be a genuinely a nice person. Its hard for me to read the room and i need to work on that and probably apologize to D.

Reasons i feel like i MNBTA: i should trust my instincts rather than ignore them. I've had a psychological abuser in my family before and the situation could be a stalker behavior that i've learned is not ok to have.

What are these acronyms?

[notedchampagne]

i agree with what youre saying wrt harrow. fans (most often white fans) tend to forget that associating brown and black characters with words like "goblin"/"feral"/"rabies" and most any other variant tends to contribute to upholding the idea that people of color are "dirty" or "savage" or "unclean".

Those words get passed off as a harmless meme and are stripped of their meaning in white circles; thats not anyones "fault" usually, those words are poplar memes, but the problem lies in applying those words and similar sentiments to nonwhite characters without recognizing that those words and similar sentiments were used to consistently degrade nonwhite people historically.

I also agree that they also contribute to how broader fandom perceives nonwhite characters and can even contribute to perpetuating racist stereotypes. I also agree that there's kind of a double standard when applying those phrases to Ianthe vs. Harrow; I'm kind of lacking the braincells to word it well, but Ianthe's actions (and characterization overall) tend to be romanticized whereas Harrow tends to be... infantilized? Stripped of agency? And while the racism isnt always intentional, there's certainly a lack of acknowledgment that when the white character expresses """unhinged behaviour""" she's depicted as "hot and sexy" vs when the brown woman expresses a similar sentiment through her actions she's "rabid and feral and savage"

hope this makes sense. sorry its a bit of a tangent, and im sorry if this wasnt what you were necessarily getting at with your commentary, its just a trend ive noticed in a Lot of fandom spaces. While the characters are TLT-specific, the sentiment is not and happens in many many spaces.

yess this^^ i have nothing to add here really these are my observations as well

[gffa]

saw someone say "dickbabs is bad cuz they're written as a stereotype of smart nerd/dumb jock which is a disservice to their characters" and its so weird cuz i cant think of any comics where they're written that way?? like the best comics of them are the ones where they're working on cases together combining both of their strengths and resources to solve crime and theres plenty of those.

also i've noticed so many dickbabs antis have a problem with barbara's intelligence in general which is odd to me. esp when dick himself is never intimidated nor threatoned by it and its sad. its like ppl claim to like girlboss/malewife couples but then when there's actually a couple that displays that dynamic in a way that matters and isnt just based on appearance or physical traits its too much and they back out!

I just wish certain Dickbabs antis would stop putting their "why this other pairing is so much better than DickBabs" stuff in the #dickbabs tag, like you are not helping me think better of your competing ship with that kind of behavior, it just comes off as so desperate to be mad that other people like something you wish they wouldn't like. Otherwise, I don't really wander into spaces that aren't into the things I'm into, because I'd much rather spend my time yelling about why I DO love the thing I love, so in that vein, LET ME TELL YOU WHY I LOVE DICKBABS SO MUCH. (To be clear, it's perfectly fine not to like the ship or like it in a different way, we'll still get along fine! It's not the sum total of EITHER character's role in the comics, there's plenty to talk about them without getting into this relationship! I'm just not here for those who need to go out of their way to shove it in my face that they don't like the ship, but disliking it and staying in your lane--as many, many lovely people do! the majority I would even say!--is of course fine.) (To further clarify, I don't know the context of the original post mentioned here, it's not part of anything I'm speaking of, this is purely about trying to shove it in others' faces, not about how other people interpret ships differently from me while staying in their own lanes. So I'm probably not speaking about the original post whatsoever here!) For me, I think the heart of their bigger relationship is built on their mutual support for each other, that they each have established themselves individually and have their own books and their own time in the spotlight, but they keep gravitating towards each other because they're better and stronger and more fun together. That each of them gladly takes their turn being the support for the other, because that's what relationships do! And they do it with such love, like-- I love them because they've known each other so long that they really get each other, they get that the other isn't perfect, and they've made the choice to be with that person even when their issues have thorns. Like, I loved everything about their conversation in Nightwing #96:

That is exactly what he needed to hear--she wasn't being cruel or dismissive of his issues, she wasn't even really being mean about the issues he picked up from Bruce, because she's right, Bruce does have some really shit traits that he passed on to his eldest. She's not saying that either he or Bruce are bad for it, she's just accepting that it's part of the man she loves and she'll cut through it with him because he's worth any effort it would take to be with him. I love that she laughs right in his face about breaking up, because that's not cruel or dismissive either, it's just Dick being ridiculous and sometimes it's part of his charm and they've always teased each other--the thing is, it's also always followed up with warmth and care, she asks him point blank, are you happy with me? Because you are allowed to be happy. I'm allowed to be happy and I'm happy with you, you're worth dying for, let's do this together. Or I love their earlier dynamic in the Batgirl comic as well, just after Bruce and Selina's failed marriage (this is before they got back together, like in the above):

I love SO MUCH that Babs isn't sure that she necessarily wants a marriage any time soon, she doesn't trust yet that it could last, but what she does want is someone who would be there if she needed them, that at this point in time she feels like moments are all any of them are allowed to have, so what she wants is someone who will always answer when she calls. At this point, she's afraid to commit because she doesn't feel like they get that kind of thing, she's afraid of her own feelings, that really gets hammered in during the Death Knight storyline where they're fighting against the end of the world, the collapsing of the multiverse, and Bruce is tired of their bickering, so he tells them to just "skip to the end", which is basically, Dick wants to symbolically marry her, but she's afraid because she doesn't want her feelings for him to get in her way, she's terrified of losing him again:

But he's there for her, he says that it's just for tonight, he can put it aside when they need to, and later he'll win her back. This is who Dick and Babs are to me--they dance around each other because their feelings are so intense and sometimes it feels like they're on different pages (Dick's a romantic who wants to get married someday and knows it, she isn't sure she wants marriage but something less defined), but then you dig into it a bit and realize they are on the same page, it's just that their costumed lives, the traumas they've both lived through, make them scared of that level of intensity. And that's why Babs being the one to say, once they're together, no, we're happy together, we're allowed to be happy together, is so important. It's why she refuses to not come along with when Dick is going to the founding of the Alfred Pennyworth Foundation and doesn't take his shit about trying to keep her safe in Nightwing #88.

Because they take turns supporting each other, they take turns being the one to say I love you so much that I would fight the world for you, that they make each other stronger and shore each other up. Even before they got back together, they supported each other and were always there to listen, to joke around to lighten the mood, to just be a friendly ear without expectations of anything else:

Plus, they are adorable when they're flirting:

DICK'S IDEA OF A HOT DATE IS A NIGHT ON THE SOFA IN SWEATPANTS, EATING POPCORN, AND WATCHING THEIR FAVORITE SHOW. HE UNDERSTANDS HER, OKAY.

Ultimately, I love them because sometimes she goes to him. Sometimes he goes to her. Sometimes she cuts through his bullshit with love. Sometimes he cuts through her bullshit with love. They're always there for each other, even when they're not together. They have a blast flirting with each other. They're both aware of the other being a hot mess sometimes, but they know that's part of the person they love and deal with it. They're partners.

[3liza]

i was looking at the pics of other dogs that are reputed to be German Shepherd + Labrador mixes like Churchgrim (although some are clearly not just lab + shep lol) and reading descriptions of their personalities and behavior, and after having grim a while i do really recommend the german shepherd/labrador retriever mix as an easy, trainable dog with (usually) a good mellowing of the worst traits of either breed. all the descriptions of the dogs that are clearly just a shep/lab are the same as grim, with the exception that others' dogs seem to need more exercise than grim does

they tend to be very intelligent, but not border collie-level obsessive, and have a little of the GSD drive, but the anxiety that often makes GSDs insane is seriously chilled out by the dopey labrador genes. grim will woof at strange noises but is otherwise completely silent, not tending to whine and yodel like GSDs do. he will immediately stand down when he finds out what alarming noises are. he is unbothered by fireworks. he's suspicious of strangers approaching the house, which i want, but has never been aggressive and is extremely friendly when in public and when introduced to people. he is gentle with children and anyone with physical disabilities, giving them space. the shedding situation is bad, but the odor and drooling are very minimal. you dont get stinky matted bib fur or runny eyes. he likes food enough to respond well to food rewards for training, but not so much that he will chew open a cooler and eat everything inside like labs tend to do. he's big, but perfectly comfortable in an apartment with a few short play sessions a day and two walks. he's not greasy like labs tend to be, but still wont soak up water if he walks in the rain, you can just have him shake before he comes in or briefly towel him and he's dry. dirt and water and detritus falls off easily, no matting, and he never gets too cold. he has excellent weather tolerance generally, although he dislikes being hot. he likes to play and run, but only for about 10 minutes, and has never objected to long distance walking, but most of the time he just wants to hang out around the house. he learns new words and commands instantly. he clearly is bonded to me above everyone else, but isnt pushy or clingy and will obey commands from other people politely. he enjoys a hug or a petting, but doesn't invade my personal space or beg for constant attention and contact. he has no separation pathology and can be crated without stress or left alone for several hours without any issue.

he's just a very easy dog. i never had any of the issues people seem to have with puppies or training or toileting or anything. aside from his lumps (lab trait) and allergies (GSD trait) he has essentially no problems.

i mention this because this type of dog gets passed over at shelters a lot, and there are a LOT of them at shelters. because theyre large and just look like generic "dogs", which is boring, and people tend to assume their size means they cant be indoor, apartment potato dogs, and overlook them for flashier, more exotic adoptees, they get euthanized a lot. the latter reason, looks, is a really stupid way to pick someone who's going to live with you in your house for 15 years. what you want, what everyone actually wants, is a dog that can hang. you want a dog you can take places who will not embarrass you, and can go without exhausting grooming upkeep without developing health problems, a dog that wont bark at people through your fence, who can be trusted to be left in a (not hot) car or a yard or an apartment alone for short periods, who can sit on the porch and greet the mailman politely, but who will just as easily kill a home invader. you want a dog who never barks unless it's important. this kind of intelligence is really rare in dogs. theyre usually just kinda in their own world, no matter how much they love you. this type of "can parse most english sentences and respond" and "understands situational context and subtext" type of intelligence is much rarer, and i think it's a common trait of this particular breed mixture.

[sleepy-vix]

journal/braindump 26/3/24

i hope life gets better soon. school is so miserable and weird and i just constantly feel like my physical shape is blurred and i'm but a a faceless entity drifting through the crowded and sweaty halls. when i speak to people it feels like i have to physically force myself to and i'm always so conscious of the fact that i would really love it if i were alone and not speaking to anybody at all.

i don't feel confident in myself and i feel like this year has passed by way too fast and i feel like just attempting to live feels like a bunch of cold sand is piled in my hands, and like sand does, it slips easily through my fingers and all i can do is watch. i feel so stupid and so naive all the damn time

for a while i had believed that everything would be okay, and then for a while after that i believed that i should kill myself. i'm okay now, i still feel very unsettled and it's like i'm not really me but i feel fine enough to function and i feel fine enough to live and wish to keep on living

i wish to keep on living

tomorrow i will wake up early and i will make myself coffee and i will sit down and read (i've had reading block for 2 days- which seems short but its annoying for me bc i really really want to read but i feel too restless and distracted to). i'll try to be nice to myself and protect my peace really hard and go on walks or something

i find that watching youtube videos where people just sit and talk, or rearrange their house and books, is really calming to me. i can't wait to just sit in front of the tv with a cup of matcha and a box of chocolates and just watching people talk, or watch all the movies ive been meaning to watch for sooo long

autumn is rolling around, and i'm infinitely greatful that it is because i always feel so inspired during this season. autumn makes me want to read, it makes me want to watch more films and eat more food and drink warm drinks that make me feel okay inside.

i also hope to pick up journalling again, but i'm not sure if i will because i don't have my own printer for images and idk what to journal but i have recently tried to just draw pictures- ive recently written journal pages on what i want to read, and also an "about me" page, and hand drew pictures. it's nice, but it doesn't give the same effect as full out journalling (with stickers, images, tape, etc... sigh.). i hope i journal more this holiday nonetheless.

i also hope to read without feeling so much pressure. i usually have no problem with reading whatever i want to read, as i like to think of myself as somebody who isnt easily influenced by other people's views (eg. if someone told me i have to read a certain book, i will consider it but i wont read it unless i want to) , but lately i've been thinking of all the books i want to read this holiday (for me i have autumn break in one week- and autumn break lasts for 2 weeks) and as u can imagine, it is very stressful bc ive somehow fallen into the mindset that i must read ALL of those books before next term or else.

fyi the books comprise of

- the complete collection of jane austen

- the complete collection of sherlock holmes

- the poppy war

- the iliad

- hamlet

- the metamorphosis

soo yeah... especially the first two points are stressing me out haha... im starting the poppy war now but im a little nervous bc ppl keep saying that its VERY gory??? and i usually dont care abt such things but lately my nerves and emotions have been such a wreck that i dont trust myself to read it in a calm manner

i'll try to break free of this toxic reader mindset tho! it would be nice if i could talk to people abt books, so it feels like im engaging with my hobby while not actually having to do the hobby, but nobody ik irl will want to talk abt books as i do

MAN i so badly want to rant abt booktok (ok actually i wont expand on this bc its a very sore point for me in the sense that i might get worked up over it and then feel shit afterwards for displaying sm emotion)

anywaysss next topic

ummm i get my maths result back on thursday and im so fucking scared bc i know i messed up bad for a few questions but im not sure if it was enough to drop me down to a b... idk i REALLY REALLY WANT AN A. like istg my whole self esteem for until the next exams roll around is goijg to be based off my maths result.. fuck im so emotionally immature its laughable

ummm also i have literature class tmr and i love lit class but we have to watch fucking "shes the man" and im sorry but i hate that movie so so much (ive never watched it before but we watched half of it last lesson and it was soo annoying). ughh why is my eng teacher making us watch this 😭😭

also my eng teacher is very blunt and therefore very interesting to talk to so ive been wanting to ask him abt books hes read lately but i CANT bc we have to watch thats tupid fucking movie and also he has to mark papers :( but also like hes the only intellectually stimulating person ik irl so what am i meant to do with all of my buzzing book thoughts ughh (rhetorical question. pls dont answer) :(

hmm what else is there to say

oh yeah last night i had a dream tjat i got a B+ for english and that was... it was like a nightmare im not even kidding. it was such a vivid dream too- everybody else got an A meanwhile i got a B+ (very close to an A) and i was just absolutely shocked and i desperately begged my teacher to give me some extra credit work so i can bump it up to an A-... yeah...

oh but also back to me wanting to have a better life- i think i'll take myself to the thrift more and go out with my friend (yes, singular. theres only one friend that i like hanging out with outside of school 💀) atleast once this holiday... thats what teen girls my age do, right??? haha...

also i want to watch ladybird and the perks of being a wallflower and rewatch little women and dead poets society !

i also might reread solitaire but aghh that makes me stressed out abt reading again... fuck. maybe i should just take a break from reading omfg

i cant wait to wake up early tomorrow and drink coffee though! :)

also i will make more spotify playlists (it makes me rlly happy to) and MAYBE even try cooking????????????? man idfk im desperate okay? feeling suicidal is not fun and i dont want to feel like that again this year. i cant afford thay bc im meant to be an academic weapon :( (lol who am i kidding? im more like an academic victim)

also maybe i will just text my friends more in general. it stresses me out and makes me feel icky but the other day, i had a nice and fun and lighthearted texting convo with one of my class friends and it made me realise that i should probably text people more ...

lol

anyways i think thats all? i think ive gotten everything off my chest for now. i liked doing this actually. maybe i'll do it more often idk 💀💀

hope u guys have a good day 🙏 i dont actually expect anyone to read this but if you did, i hope you have a good day TIMES TWO!

no refunds :}

[actualbird]

do you think marius has ever fainted or passed out from the sheer workload and stress he deals with on a daily basis? they always talk about how he has this fatigue and tiredness but honestly im surprised he’s never had a breakdown or anything

OH ABSOLUTELY YES YESSSS

i very much think hes passed out due to sheer fatigue probably many times, but that he just....got really good at making sure nobody notices. like, the moment marius feels his balance failing or feels the telltale lightheadedness of unconsciousness ready to ram into him, he tried to either find an empty room or some place to sit down and ride it out. and then when hes conscious again, if anybody saw him he just goes like "just needed to rest my eyes, hehe"

people who arent close to him cant tell hes lying. hes a fantastic actor, and it is very important for marius to appear invincible and invulnerable within pax, so he makes sure of this. hes passed out plenty, but nobody notices

the few people who do notice and know are probably:

1 ) vincent

oh the things vincent has seen....this one is definitely the most worrying one, and whenever he catches it happening he does his best to try and shift schedules to somehow lighten marius' workload. i figure maybe one time he garnered up the courage to suggest marius rest, but...it's not that marius is disrespectful or anything, but the suggestion just slides straight past him

"i appreciate the concern, vincent, but it's really no problem," marius says easily. just a few minutes ago, he'd fainted the moment he got into his office and it sent such a shock of adrenaline into vincent's system. "after all, nobody else can do this work right now, so i just...gotta keep going."

and the worst part was that marius was right. not about this being a non-issue, but that nobody else can be pax ceo right now. it all falls to marius, and vincent can try his best to help, but moments like these remind him how isolated marius really is all the way there at the top.

2 ) the nxx team

the team see marius at a special level of fatigue: where he always pushes it past it for the newest case, to investigate the latest lead, to keep on going. given how perceptive the team is and how theyve worked with marius for a While, marius can never hide it from them

but it's also really hard to bring it up sometimes, because theres usually always something more important, high-stakes, and pressing at hand when theyre all together

"don't worry about me," marius would say. he might even make a joke like "you should go check on vyn, i know he gets cranky when he's up past 10pm"

deflection is one of marius' skills, so oftentimes during cases, none of the team can really confront him on his overwork

but while marius might like to pretend that this isnt a problem, none of the others have to do the same and can show their support in little ways: a very soft blanket from artem placed on the nxx hq couch for anyone to use for a nap, relaxing sleepytime teas from vyn stocked in the pantry for anyone to have a drink of, a suddenly and inexplicably overhauled digital file system luke made to make some of the tinier clerical nxx tasks a bit faster to sift through.

and mc's learned some of marius' tricks now by this point and is totally fine using them against him. she'll sit down next to him on the couch with a yawn and lean on marius' shoulder. "be my pillow for 10 minutes, i need a nap" and whats marius gonna do, say NO to that? he would never. and he'd end up drifting off for a little nap too.

conclusion: marius von hagen go to bed challenge! pls, before u just DROP FROM THE EXHAUSTION!!!

[mooonjin]

Hey, i see that your request are open, I could be wrong. Let me know if I am. I just wanted to tell you that I adore you writing.

Can I have a Wrecker X gn!reader on those trying times? I think it would be funny to see Wrecker TRYING to keep his relationship with his s/o a secret from his brothers. But it's Wrecker, they noticed right away.

Maybe because he suddenly doesn't have a problem going to the medic bay to treat his wounds. He starts to look for excuses to leave the ship or go alone to get the supplies. And the rest of the batch starts to get suspicious like...

Wrecker is trying to keep his armor clean now. HE looks more clean. Every time he goes to the medic bay he comes back with a stupid smile. They see him looking at the little plushies on the stores they pass by. He evens starts to ask Teach about flowers and wich ones are dangerous to humans (of course he gets bored midway).

The last straw is when one day they him trying to sneak back in the havoc with something behind his back. When they manage to get it from him they see its a packed lunch, it's so neat and sweet and they know Wrecker isn't the one who made it. So... was it?

(Sorry of its too much I got a little excited. It's my first time making a request and English is not my first language)

Stealth Wrecker, Remember?

Notes: hi another anon!! first of all terribly sorry you had to wait for sososo long too but here it izzzzzz this is such a cute idea ihope i did it well thank you for choosing me as your first requester!!! don’t worry about language, english isnt my first language either <3

Pairing: Wrecker x gn!reader

Summary: The Batch slowly become suspicious of Wrecker's behaviour. As they uncover various hints, what they find out is not what they expected.

Warnings/Tags: fluff, no y/n mentions, pretty much lovey dove y cutesy wrecker stuff ⁠— tell me if I've missed anything!

Clone Force 99 shared countless missions and adventures together, known for their high success rate but also reckless tactics. Each clone abiding with their own skills, making them unique.

Wrecker, the big guy. He's the boisterous and carefree member of the team, known for his extreme strength and eagerness for battle or mission. However, something had changed for him. Instead of sleeping, eating or chatting, he seemed oddly preoccupied.

Lately, he's been finding excuses to leave the shuttle alone to head to the medbay more frequently. 

"Wrecker, this is the 8th time you've had an 'injury' to deal with." Hunter's confused voice spoke. Wrecker once again blabbed an excuse for him to leave so abruptly.

"Yeah well- I get hurt a lot! Just visiting the place s'all." His excited tone of voice came through, doing his best to mask it with 'ows' or 'ouch'. You know, to fool his brothers.

Crosshair's eyebrow raised up, looking through his top eyelashes at his brother. Wrecker left hastily as if this visit to the medbay was an emergency. The group exchanged puzzled glances as they observed their brother's peculiar behavior.

Wrecker couldn't help but feel a strange flutter of anticipation in his chest as he happily skipped down the halls of the med wing. He had a secret, one that he had been keeping from the rest of the squad. He was head over heels and he couldn't wait to see you again. 

He was eager to steal a few precious moments with you, his special someone.

"Hey beautiful." Wrecker's voice was quick to fill the quiet space of the medbay, watching as you tidied equipment. He stared for a bit before walking over to peer over your shoulder. He loved watching you work. He loved watching you do anything, really.

"Got another 'injury' for me?" You chuckled, looking up at his towering figure. Wrecker gave a cheeky grin, his playful nature shining through.

"Oh absolutely." The two of you laughed and chatted, finding solace in each other's company amidst the quiet hum of medical equipment. 

Wrecker's gaze softened as he watched you talk about your day, captivated by your every word. You exchanged playful banter and shared tender moments, opening up to one another. He marveled at the shimmer in your eyes, even if it was just the reflection of the white medical lights.

He found himself wrapping his bulky arms around your waist, giving you a back hug as he gently rocked side to side whilst you fixed equipment. He followed you around like a puppy, craving attention.

He always made you smile, always made you laugh.

After a while, you had to go back to your shift to tend to other units of the GAR. As much as Wrecker despised leaving you, he'd make sure to come back again. 

Skipping back to the Marauder, he couldn't get rid of the giddy smile on his face.

"How's your injury?" Echo said, his scomp whirring under the haul of the Marauder.

Wrecker grinned, "Oh she- it! Went well." Uh oh, a slip up. Echo was quick to sus out Wrecker's mistake, brushing it off since it could really just be a mistake. It's Wrecker after all.

-

The first sign that something was amiss was Wrecker's sudden interest in keeping his armour clean. Gone were the smudges of dirt and battle scars that were once his signature. Now, he regularly wiped down his armor, striving to maintain a pristine appearance after every mission. 

His brothers couldn't help but raise their eyebrows at this newfound obsession with cleanliness.

His bunk, full of food scraps and his blacks hung up on the drying rack above his sheets were no longer. The burn marks and dents, fixed in a jiffy. He even repainted the prominent red stripes across his armour, the CF99 skull, and his artistic helmet.

With a grin, he proudly scrubbed down the filth that once covered his armour. 

Once again, Wrecker pops in to visit the medbay with a small smile on his face. Then he would return to the barracks with a foolish grin. Ear to ear smile with teeth which didn't go unnoticed by his sharp-eyed brother, Crosshair - as well as the others. 

Normally Wrecker would brush off minor injuries, refusing treatment since 'he was going to get hurt again anyway'. Now he was willingly seeking medical attention without complaint only because he got to see your beautiful face.

It was clear that something was lingering in the air and his brothers were determined to find out what.

-

"Tech, just wondering somethin'." Wrecker asked his intelligent brother.

"What is it?"

Wrecker cleared his throat, trying to sound nonchalant, "You know flowers, right? What one of those are dangerous or poisonous to people? What's the best one to keep as a house... flower?" He tried his best to cover up his eagerness about flowers.

"Well there are the simple ones. Roses, for instance, are generally safe. Their beauty lies in their petals, and they pose no direct threat. Sunflowers, with their large, cheerful heads, are harmless as well. Delicate daisies, tulips..." 

Tech's voice faded out. Wrecker daydreamed, getting bored about his brothers rant. He only considered roses since those reminded them of you. He loved your rosy blush and the pink stud earrings you wore.

He imagined how your reaction to a gift of flowers would be or your reaction a small plushie he saw in the markets on a supply run. A small blush creeping onto his cheeks.

"...but it's crucial to approach unfamiliar flowers with caution, as many contain varying levels of toxicity." Tech finished his small explanation on flowers, finding Wrecker not paying an ounce of attention. He also brushed this off, used to the boredom. But he didn't brush off the suspicion of the sudden interest in flowers.

Wrecker wouldn't even consider smelling a flower in the first place.

Because it was only Tech and himself in the barracks - everyone else went on the supply run - he decided to give you another visit. Whilst Tech was distracted, the big guy snuck off to the medical wing in hopes to see your angel face once again.

Wrecker was off to the medical wing, delighted to see you. The rest of the Batch returned with food, new blacks, and cleaning equipment. Time to address the elephant that wasn't in the room anymore.

"Tech, where's Wrecker?" Echo asked his brother, who was slouched over his desk, tinkering.

He looked up, "Huh? Oh he was just-" Tech paused as he looked around, no Wrecker in sight, "-here."

"He keeps disappearing." Hunter shook his head, placing the new supplies on the couch.

-

As days turned into weeks, the clues continued to pile up. Wrecker's disappearance slowly began to add up, only disappearing when it was your shift in the medical wing and when it wasn't, it would be during the Batches lunch break.

The final straw came one day when Wrecker tried to sneak back into the barracks with something hidden behind his back. The rest of the team quickly cornered him, demanding to know what he was hiding. 

With a sheepish smile, Wrecker reluctantly revealed a neatly packed lunch.

The Batch exchanged stunned looks. It was a small, pale box full of food you wouldn't find in the mess hall. The food was neatly stacked and separated into the compartments.

Wrecker was known for his appetite and love for all things hearty and messy. There was no way he had made such a thoughtful and delicate meal. Crosshair was quick to reach into the box, grabbing a small note which Wrecker attempted to retrieve.

'hey wrecker! have a lovely day biggie, enjoy the food my foodie xx'

Read the note. The realization hit them like a blaster bolt—someone else had prepared that lunch for him. The question remained: who?

Unable to contain their curiosity any longer, the batch confronted Wrecker about this mystery.

Wrecker hesitated for a moment before finally admitting the truth. He had been seeing someone, someone special who had captured his heart. You. The angel who swept him off his feet.

The news was met with a mixture of surprise, amusement, and relief. Their suspicions had been confirmed, "I knew it!" Hunter said.

"No, you didn't." Crosshair put a toothpick into his mouth.

They felt genuinely happy for their brother. Wrecker's infectious grin spread across his face, relieved none of them freaked. He was still able to see you, maybe even come introduce his brothers to you.

With the truth out in the open, the Batch embraced Wrecker's special someone with open arms. They teased him mercilessly, each offering their own unique brand of humor and advice. Wrecker beamed from ear to ear, grateful for the support.

As time passed, you would eventually become an important part of the batches lives. The clone siblings grew to appreciate the joy and warmth that you brought to their tight-knit family. 

You boasted about bagging such a hearty guy like Wrecker.

After all, what's there not to brag about?

-

Post Notes: WOW ALsMOT FINISheD WITH MEASteRlisT!! i hope you liked this fic :3

~ ~ ~

@elsastoes @nekotaetae @lokigirlszendaya @imalovernotahater @backyard-bear @namesmox @jiabae

my taglist form!

[tielmamon]

Burn, Bonnet Burn (TWN x OFMD AU)

At a tavern near the sea, Jaskier drops his tired self onto a bar stool after finishing his last set. His voice still hurts from belting his heart and anger out when a drunk group of maidens requested he sing 'Burn, Butcher Burn'.

He hoped and prayed he was too far from the main land that the wretched song hadn't found itsway to Skelligan shores. Apparently not far enough.

"Ale and the dinner I was promised, please. Thanks." A second later, he was given a tankard of ale and a bowl of...he's not entirely sure but he assumes it's food

"Good song." Jaskier suppresses a flinch. All he wanted was a nice quiet dinner after that particularly heartwrenching performance. In the middle of his set, he had spotted a burly man, hair so blonde you'd mistake it for white pass by the stage. He knew it wasn't him. He was probably on the other side of the continent, as far away from Jaskier as he could get. Still, his heart never calmed as he finished the rest of his set. No one had a problem with how he was practically sobbing minus the tears by the end of the song. Instead, they relished in it, ate it up like they were watching a pig be slautered for a feast. The applause was louder than usual, his coin purse significantly heavier. It was his best performance yet.

He never wanted to play like that ever again.

"Thank you" He forces a smile and turns to face the stranger, and normally Jaskier isnt one to judge a person's character at first glance, but lets just say the stranger was, infact rather strange.

An older man with wild grey hair to his shoulders, decked in full leather and buckles and, most curious of all...black messy soot around his chin, mouth and eyes. Eyes that stare back at him with a deep sadness he knew all too well. The black and broody nature of it all was too...familiar, too close to home. He could only nod and turn back to his ale, resisting the urge to touch the ache in his chest.

"You seem to know your way around heartbreak well. Someone ripped your heart our recently?" The stranger suprisingly placed a hand on his back as Jaskier promptly inhaled half of his ale into his nose. Despite the embarrassing display, the stranger did not laugh at his expense. Only a stoic, concerned expresssion on his face that just pissed Jaskier off even more.

"And who the fuck are you exactly, my good sir?" He grits through his teeth, wondering just who the fuck posseses the audacity to-

"Blackbeard. Pleased to meet you." -to b-be...the deadliest and most wanted pirate of the seven seas. Oh fuck. He promptly chokes once again, this time on his own spit.

"He-Hello, hi. Gods, really?" The stranger- the infamous Blackbeard offers a small smile and helps him through another coughing fit.

"Easy. Eat your, whatever the fuck that is. I just... wanted to talk." He takes a bite, awkardly. The stew was still a mystery, but thankfully pleasant enough to choke down. An almost shy tension forms between them, which baffled Jaskier. Blackbeard is sitting next to him, very much lacking a beard, covered in soot and looking like he's about to cry into his tankard. And he waits to talk. To...Jaskier?

"What- um, what did you want to talk about?" The older man looks down at his hands. A strange sight, seeing someone so feared look so scared. Then again, Jaskier knew first hand how big hulking figures with bigger reputations have something to hide.

"Your song..." Blackbeard looks at him with determination and a horrifying thought forms in his head. Has the pirate come for Jaskier for information on Geralt and Ciri too? Will he be tied to a chair and beaten once more? Will he be drowned instead of burned this time around?

"What about it?"

"You...why do you write songs like that?" Ed watches the bard blink slowly, practically see the sentences forming in the man's head before he speaks with a sigh.

"Well, when someone as dramatic as myself gets their heart stomped on and ripped to pieces, one tends to seek an outlet for all that frustration and sadness. Writing a heated song about them and burning helps."

"Helps...Does the pain go away? After you sing it?" The pirate fiddles with the handle of his tankard, brows furrowed. Jaskier has the strangest urge to hold the man's hand to sooth him.

"In a way. It turns the sadness into something else for a bit, something more...approachable? Something to hold, to throw, to punch..."

"To burn?" The two share a look before Jaskier chuckles into his mead, nodding.

"Yes. That too." His eyes watch the crowd of strangers in the tavern and spots the blond haired man from before. His features too soft, height too tall. Its not him but it makes his blood boil and heart ache all the same.

"The pain doesn't go away. It just gives you an opportunity to hit back, in a way." Jaskier watches the gears turn in the pirates brain, slowly digesting his words. Silence follows, or atleast the suggestion of it as they sit in a crowded tavern next to an angry ocean. A few more minutes pass and just when Jaskier rises to leave-

"Could you help me write one too?" Ed turns to the bard and pleads. Blackbeard the Pirate wouldn't be caught dead in such a state. Edward Teach, however was desperate. Edward was tired of the pain, the confusion. He needed relief from it, even just for a second. Killing didn't help. Stealing only reminded him more of Bonnet. He was out of options. The only semblace of ease he had felt was when he attempted to write about it, strangely enough.

"You want me...to help you write a song? About heartbreak?" Blackbeard nods solemly, completely fucking serious. Jaskeir being a sucker for a good story and, admitted a chance to help and feel needed replies.

"Fuck it, why not?" Let it be known that Jaskier had a type.

[the-s1lly-corner]

An stressed and extremely explosive reader x Kinger, Caine and Ragatha. (The old hags trio haha) let me explain it to ya

Reader is always stressed because of they are pratically stuck in a digital world with (supossedly) no way out, so instead of freaking out and/or getting slowly insane, Reader is very agressive and explosive all the time.

Especially in IHA, because they have to bare the fact that they need to pass through "stressing" situation who sometimes could be a near-abstraction experience.

Everytime reader gets too stressed because of something, Reader explodes and they are screaming around or with the cause of the problem if its a person (AHEM, JAX-) and only calms down when they are stopped by others or when they spend some time alone.

Anyways i just basically wants to see how would they react seeing reader have something similar to female & male rage moment.

(if this makes you uncomfortable, feel free to ignore this request, and im very sorry for making you uncomfortable if thats the case).

- 🐈

Caine, Kinger, and Ragatha w/ a reader who blows up!

WEEEE speed running this request before i have to pop my macarons into the oven eheheheheheh i think i might write itward stuff tonight but idk!! need me some ideas for itward stuff when in doubt for gifs use slime mmm mmm yummy

CAINE:

he can and he WILL put an immediate pause on the current IHA when he sees its making you really overwhelmed. he may even dismiss the entire event just to make sure youre okay; you mean so much to him and if youre getting this close to abstraction just from getting upset hes going to be there for you. i think it would actually make him tone down the intensity of IHAs , at least a little bit... he doesnt really know what qualifies as "too much" so please be patient with him!

makes sure to do everything he can to help; want him to go away? hes already launching himself to the other side of the grounds. need him to talk to you? hes going to be saying whatever you need him to say for as long as you need him to. very nice very silly i love him chews

RAGATHA:

similar to the other two she takes you off to the side, probably takes you to her room or yours and lets you work your own feelings out however you need to get them out. this isnt the first time youve have an outburst, but it doesnt make the glitching any less scary. tries to calm you down with her voice, giving you things to squish and mess with.. just as long as youre not hurting yourself she wont intervene with your method of calming down. very sweet about it. if youre anything like me, then youre probably going to be tired afterwards, and she will let you sleep. will crawl into bed with you if you want here around, if not shes going to respect that... if it was someone who riled you up shes going to make sure they get an earful, as well as keeps a closer eye on that person when theyre interacting with you because she doesnt want you to be this miserable all the time

KINGER:

nearly dies when he sees your body momentarily glitch, well at least as close as he can to dying in that moment. hes immediately rushing to you and talking a mile a minute trying to ask if youre okay, which admittedly probably makes you snap at him. overstimulation is one hell of a thing, but as long as you explain yourself and apologize when youre in a better place then its going to work itself out. kinger tries to take you off to the side, away from whatevr it is that was upsetting you. be it an IHA or another circus member, hes going to take you into his pillow fort and leave you be. he waits outside by its entrance, anxiously waiting for you to give him the go ahead to enter... very stressed out man he wants more than anything to comfort you and talk you through it but he knows you need alone time during times like this

[ddlcbrainrot]

re: Monika Bad Person Something I think about alot with Monika is how, fundementally, she is a good person but good people are capable of being bad, as we see in base game. I do think though that Side stories shows us where are actions from base game came from, that they werent from nowhere but rather its her natural flaws taken to their extreme in an extreme situation. Like one of the biggest flaws about Monika is her need for control, we see this plain as day in side stories. While we know she means well there, Respect shows how her need for control and for things to go with her vision can end up causing issues. She also in general has a "oh I can fix it!" attitude that can clash with Natsuki and Yuri. And I think whats so fascinating about it is the fact that those traits are also in base game. But the problem with base game monika is that shes in a completely different situation and thus the flaws she so typically falls back on are used in even greater effect. She needs to control the situation so she can escape and just be the ONE for once. She makes a plan and follows it and thinks that itll 100% work in her favor because it HAS to. She "fixes" things in a way that SHE thinks is right. Another thing with her issues with control is how she feels the need to 'control' how others feel about her, in the sense that she is VERY good at hiding her feelings and her thoughts and putting up a mask. (Honestly it what makes her such a great foil to Sayori but thats something else) I think a thing is when writing Monika is alot of stories are post game, so post when she realizes she fucked up BIG time. But even then, I think that when monikas flaws should still show up. Shes someone who sticks in her own head and goes with her own plans, and in a post game setting it can appear as her thinking shes helping the others, but she just isnt because she refuses to just talk or ask. Actually one of my favorite examples of a post game story that shows Monika still being very flawed, and shows how her trauma can manifest is on tumblr! Doki Doki Literature Girls has such a good Monika because even though she trying to do better, she still has that nihilism from before, she still tries and do things her way, she still yearns for love from the outside even tho she knows it can never happen. But theres now her acknowledging that she cares about the others and thus theres alot of learning for her to go through.

This is a long ass ramble, I just love writing Monika and her mindset, shes so *shakes her like a soda can*. Also wanna say your art is super good, thank you for the gay people. (Also side thing because I wanna be silly, Total if you see this cause this will probably pass your fyp, hiiiii, you know who this is :))

this is a comment i made a WHILE back, crazy how you start this ask with such a similar opinion

the base game is basically giving a control freak peefectionist the power to control the entire universe. Or, the illusion of control anyway. I think the reason she is more chill in Act 1 is bc she herself thinks she is in charge. The more time passes, the more she slowly understands that even if she can control every part of the game, she cannot control who the player chooses. And not being in control of the one thing she wants, talking to a real person, kinda pivots her to Act 2. Also, she does in fact think that she knows best in every way. Very arrogant of her, but while i do think it is kind of her ego talking it also mostly again falls under her need to be in control of situations. Monika's relationship with control is so interesting and complex that i can't talk about it without slowly going "hhhhhsggggghh monika character cool :("

Most fics do take place after the game so i get that, by this time, Monika has had her character development so her acting shitty towards the girls doesn't really make sense. I will say though becoming a better person takes time, its not as simple as "Wow, something showed me i was being an asshole, i won't ever act like that again". So, having her accidentally fall back into her previous attitude would not be that out of character. Plus, her being way harder on herself bc of the guilt? And maybe do some self sabotaging little moves? Yeah.

Haven't seen doki doki literature girls, but i have heard good things about it. Maybe I'll check it out!

Thank you for the compliment, i try my best lol. And thanks for the ask too btw, im always down to talk about Monika

( well i might have an idea of who you are too, if it is you then you seem super cool. Also, Total (im assuming you mean TotalFormage) you are super cool too )

[sankttealeaf]

crying my eyes out at the parents!ruetash things. it all makes so much sense!! the DRAMA. ok but i'm still curious so if you feel like talking about them some more - did they plan to have kids or was it more accidental? i know rue had some real issues re: pregnancy in the fic, how did she ultimately deal with it? and since she was afraid of hurting their kids, do you think there were ever any close calls? sorry i. love them

i am ALWAYS down to talk about parent!ruetash especially because theyve been on my mind lately!!! <3 thanks for indulging me :D

it was purely accidental, these two are NOT safe when it comes to getting it on. when rue finds out she's pissed and doesnt tell him for like a tenday while she tries to come to terms with her options. ideally she would like to remove it, but then if it were to ever get out people may try and turn it into a Big Deal and she doesnt want the hassle

she tells gortash eventually and he is both overjoyed (woo he gets to continue his legacy) and kind of concerned because rue is being Too Calm about this. he wants this, she feels trapped in it but sure, he'll indulge in his little happy families fantasies - when their kid tries to kill him one night she wont stop them. its his fault for fucking a bhaalspawn

rue, despite how against children she is, uses her pregnancy to her advantage. gets her way all the time. loves the power trip. "gortash, you have to get me the imported fruits from the south. the babe wants it. i cant help it" or "im not moving from this chair my back hurts so i need you to feed me - this is your kid, pull your fucking weight"

calls their children "his problem". he wanted them so he has to deal with them. i think the actual act of giving birth is hell for him specifically and gortash is forced out of the room because she is trying to kill him for putting her through this (sorry rue, you do it again in a few years time)

i think theres been a few close calls. some nights gortash wakes up and rue is just. standing over the crib watching their child sleep. he has to coax her back to bed and on nights she feels really bad she's locked away in one of the guest rooms. (i like to think the reason she Is That Way is she sees their kid as a threat to her position in the temple of bhaal. even tho they are tiny and cannot kill her, one day theyll grow up and maybe discover their bloodline and try and kill her and she cant have that. best rid them early on)

its also why she distances herself from them. cant harm them if she isnt around them, right? its not until they have their son does she realise that she can feel when her urges are worsening, she's able to control herself. its fine.

when their kids grow up and none of them have tried to kill her, i think she becomes a better mother to them. thinks back to her foster family and how they treated her and tries to do the same despite being in a far better position than they were.

also slight tangent but the kids are like, a spitting image of gortash. i like the idea that there's no "tiefling" traits in them (because rue isnt a tiefling) & the only trait she passes down are the odd patches of skin discolouration or the freckles or maybe little flecks of white in their hair. bhaals flesh doesnt translate well, because the whole point (to me) is to blend in with the world. so when rue is stuck looking after the children she's always remembering her own childhood and Not Having A Good Time :)

i love to make her suffer. girl i am sorry.

THANKS for the ask!!! i love rambling about these two and ive had them on the brain a lot lately!! one day ill name these kids. we'll see