#'hi [psych name here] hi-five me some SHIT went down'

[gatheredfates]

I plan on writing/sending things later today, I just have ~therapy~ this afternoon; therefore, I'm trying to conserve spoons in case I spend too many at my psych. I am lurking for now!

[smolvenger]

How To Fake Date A Spy Part Two

Jonathan Pine x fem! Reader Miniseries

Word Count: 6K

Series Summary: You have to deal with numerous men of Roper's business having a gross interest in you for more than small talk. Going to Roper for help, he offers an idea- pretending to be the date of his newest friend. A handsome sous-chef known as Thomas Quince. Little do you know yet, the man's real name is Jonathan Pine and he is on a mission to take Roper down...

Part One

Chapter Warnings: Reader being thirsty, but no smut (yet). Discussions of depression and suicidal intentions with the character of Elena with a note of hope and good mental health and comforting fluffy fix-it goodness. But if you or a loved one have legit intentions, please get help and tell someone, 988 is the American hotline number in addition to 911. Some angst at the end. Discussions of domestic abuse.

A/N: Shout out to @muddyorbsblr for hyping me up as I was writing this draft!!! It always motivates me !!! Thanks, Bestie!!! I hope you guys like it!

Taglist: @evelyn-kingsley @jennyggggrrr @five-miles-over ) @fictive-sl0th @ladycamillewrites @villainousshakespeare @holdmytesseract @eleniblue @twhxhck @lokisgoodgirl @lovelysizzlingbluebird @raqnarokr @holymultiplefandomsbatman @michelleleewise @wolfsmom1 @cheekyscamp @mochie85 @muddyorbsblr

A03//My Ko-Fi//My Etsy Shop//Masterlist//Wattpad

Why the hell was this happening? Why the hell did you even agree to do this?

Just a few minutes before the cocktail party hosted by Roper. The first time you and Thomas would be seen as a couple in public. That is, a pretend couple. You have taken at least twelve anxiety trips to the restroom in the last two hours. You still felt like any minute you would shit yourself. You kept redoing bits of your makeup because your hand kept shaking. If there was a wrong step, a wrong move, you wondered if something would explode. If someone would either laugh at you or Roper would frown. Then again, this was The Worst Man In The World we were talking about. A frown would be the least of your worries if he wasn’t happy. And Thomas, what was going through his head? It was too long since you dated-really dated. And your heart was racing out of your chest.

You took another look in the mirror to make sure your cocktail dress was right. What would he even think? You wondered. He was probably repulsed by you- he was forced into this too! Now that Elena was your roommate, she was applying mascara next to you. But you could only stare blankly at your reflection. Overthinking and psyching yourself out as you scanned your appearance again.

“Hey Y/N, what's up?” she asked.

“I’m…I’m just…uh…nervous,” you replied. Nothing fake about that statement.

“Nervous? How come?” She began.

She looked around and then whispered. “Are you…are you in danger….did…”

“No, Roper didn’t threaten anything!“It’s just uh…I hope…I hope tonight just…goes okay,”

“Alright. Whatever you say. It’s just a cocktail party. Another party full of boring guests doing boring fancy things.”

“Well, Elena…today, uh, I gotta tell you something- uh-”

Then there it was. The fateful knock against the door. You jumped and let out a small shout of surprise. Elena looked at you with wide, scared eyes. You saw her hand shake with the mascara tube. But you held her other hand.

Then a soft, British voice was behind. You felt the teenage girl relax. You, however, did not.

“Y/N, I’m here. Ready when you are.”

Taking in a breath, you went to the door and opened up. Though you were delighted to see Thomas. The black eye and nose healed nicely. The bruises didn’t seem too obvious with his tanned skin. The sight of him was dazzling- a crisp blue suit that brought out how his eyes were like the spring sky. He looked down and smiled at you. You couldn’t speak at the sight of him. Excitement mixed with nervousness.

“Are you ready, Y/N?” he asked with a warm smile.

You looked back and saw that Elena tilted her head and squinted at him.

“Are you escorting us?” asked.

“Y/N is my date, but I’ll be glad to walk you over too,” he replied with a shrug.

You might have grown feathers and laid eggs before Elena's eyes. Her jaw fell to the floor. Then she looked at the two of you.

“Your date?!” she cried.

“Yeah….Thomas and I are dating!” you announced matter-of-factly. At least, you hoped it sounded matter-of-fact.

You put on a smile that you hoped wasn't too false looking- small and happy. You leaned in a little closer to him.

"Why....uh....congrats!" Elena replied.

"Yes...I wanted to tell you Elena, but..." you began

You felt your hands twitch and you hoped she wouldn’t notice. Then Thomas stepped forward.

"No, it's alright....come join us, Elena. You’re always welcome with us.”

As Elena walked out beside you two. Both of your clicking heels echoed in the hallway. Her dark hair contrasted with the white of her dress. As she got closer, you could hear the guests chatting. Her mother stepped up and opened an arm. She went up and got her mother’s hand and then walked to the party.

You walked beside Thomas, only giving the odd glance at him. You felt your heart pick up as you got closer. You felt fluttery inside. When Elena and her mother vanished into the party, Thomas leaned in towards you.

“Nervous?” he asked.

“Is water wet?” you replied dryly.

"Take my hand," he instructed.

He splayed out his hand before you- large and smooth. You reached yours, then hesitated before touching him.

“Your hand?" you repeated.

"Take my hand, Y/N. It will make it more believable,” he said.

With a deep breath, you took his hand. It still felt warm, warm from the sun that shone on his skin. His own large hand was soft on you again. With his free hand, he touched your chin, his thumb going to the corners of your mouth. It felt as intimate as a kiss on your thigh. You felt yourself take a breath so deep, you got a little dizzy. Then you went up to him. Suddenly, though there was a whole party of people, it felt like you two were the only ones on earth. Though you had more presentation of calm, his voice was doing nothing for your racing heart.

“Now…we have to smile. Just relax. It’ll be easier than you think,” he advised.

You unclenched your jaw at him. Under the graze of his thumb, you felt the corners of your lips twitch up.

“There…there it is,” he said, with a smile that matched yours.

Then use that…like method acting. Y/N you thought.

So then you both walked on and entered holding hands. It was another large group with cocktails in wide glasses and thin stems. Full of light laughter like wind chimes on a summer day. It was thick with every cologne and perfume you could name. There were bright flowers and green, leafy plants everywhere. Waiters in suits walked around serving drinks and hors devours. You felt Thomas squeeze your hand and you walked with a smile.

Just stay by him and hold his hand and smile. It had been too long- why didn't you notice what it was couples did? Your sister draped her arm around Roper's all the time. Caro would give kisses on Sandy's cheek and then his lips.

Yet when you entered, eyes went forward in greedy curiosity. You were recognized. And so was the new man-Danny’s savior. You saw their acknowledgment. The big eyes. The frozen smiles. Some noticed you and then immediately turned to their circle. Then those people turned heads. You couldn't hear a word but you knew they were talking about you.

But best of all were the men’s reactions. When your gross potential suitors turned to you, they saw your hand firmly in Thomas’s. And there were frowns on all of their faces. Then a nod when their eyes met Thomas's. He would nod back. The man who bested them. The man who beat them. Now, for once, you could be at a party of Roper’s and relax.

Well, not entirely. Elena was still with her family. And you made sure that you at least stayed by her side. You wouldn't leave her alone. The thought of what almost happened at her birthday party... made you want to be sick and disturbed you so much that it chilled your body and made you tense. So you kept an eye on her at the bare minimum. Though it seemed by now, she was sitting by Danny as he showed her his books.

"Wouldn't you like something to drink, darling?" Thomas asked, his voice putting a bit more weight on darling.

"I would love a drink" You nodded.

Both of you walked up to the bar. There was already a guy right by you. The guy from the last party who asked about your book- you could feel his green eyes on you and already smell the hair gel on his platinum blonde comb-over. You could see him get ready with a way to hit on you as he sat. But then his eyes turned up to see the intimidating Six Foot Two barricade to get to your panties. The guy shrunk into himself and then turned away promptly. You had to smirk. You knew he wanted to date you. But now it looked like the only date That Asshole would get tonight would be with his right hand.

"Could the lady have a martini, please?" Thomas asked the bartender. The old man nodded and handed you one. Thomas leaned there to watch the bartender make the drink.

Right as you turned, another familiar man from the other day swung by. Mr. Jacobson. He had been pretty persistent and determined last time. Though your body flinched as if ready for a fight, you made yourself still. Part of you didn’t shoo him away because you knew it was going to be entertaining to watch him try tonight.

You saw Thomas turning to watch you two.

"Hey there, Y/N, you look gorgeous again," Mr. Jacobson said, picking at a toothpick between his teeth with the sensual appeal of a patient at the dentist.

You opened your mouth to speak. To say something. A fruitless refusal. It was in your habit to. Then your fake boyfriend arrived. You felt Thomas’s arm reach across your shoulders. A protective half-hug. You could feel the muscles from how well fitted his suit was and you felt your breath flutter in your lungs. Looking up, Thomas gave the man an icy glare.

"I know she does."

The pure threat of it. If you had to be honest, the low growl in his voice…did something to you. You felt yourself clench your legs. Your breath was shallow and sharp You...liked it. Yes, it wasn't the most progressive thing to be a damsel in distress. But with this fine specimen in blue rescuing you, you were not going to complain.

Mr. Jacobson jumped and his face turned pale. He put his arms up.

"Oh, my bad! My bad! I thought she was...single, you know."

"No, she's not," Thomas said flatly. His glare continued right into the eyes of Mr. Jacobson.

“I am so sorry, man. So sorry, I swear…won’t happen! Won’t happen again!” he begged.

"It won't," Thomas replied firmly.

The guy fluttered away to the other end of the room. You looked up and smiled.

"Thank you, Thomas,"

“Y/N!” you heard Jed from across the room. Already in her light blue summery dress. The flowing skirt made her seem like a mermaid as she walked up. Then she widened her eyes at you.

You turned around and went over to give her a hug.

“You look lovely!” she said.

“Oh Jed, stop! You look gorgeous too!” you shook.

“Oh, don’t say that and…is that…is that Thomas!?” she asked.

You turned over. Thomas went up to her and shook her hand.

“Yes…” You turned to her. Trying to ignore how dry your mouth was with the phrase.

“Jed, Thomas, and I are dating now!” you announced. You followed it by sipping your martini.

Her jaw dropped, but she let a smile on her dazzling face and hugged you.

“Oh my god…that’s wonderful! Y/N! Oh, you should have told me the second it happened!”

"We wanted to be private...until we were certain we were on the same page," you lied through your teeth mid-hug.

Then she dropped to a frown and her eyes hardened. She let go of the hug and crossed her long arms.

“My sister is a sweetheart. And you will treat her well. You got it?”

You were surprised, but you took it.

“Yes, miss," Thomas replied.

“I will fight you if you do anything to hurt you,” she added.

“I understand…and I won’t do anything, Jed. I'll treat her well. Promise," he swore.

“Thank you…”

You sighed. Jed was right- he was decent. As dinner arrived, you both sat next to Elena and her parents. You were glad for her being a third wheel. She spoke to you and smiled. You even made jokes with each other. Both you and Thomas were aware of holding each other's hands whenever possible. But it didn't feel too different from just eating next to him anytime. He did flash you a smile and you found yourself smiling back. On instinct.

But…you couldn’t get this too complicated quickly. No, you read enough Romance novels to know where this kind of shit led up to. It wasn't right. You didn't like this...romance was in stories and fiction. Not in the real world. In the real world, where too many men, men like Roper, were just there to assert power and squash the women beneath them to prove a point. You couldn't risk that. Couldn't risk anything. Just enjoy a fleeting fantasy. A pretense. Like being an actor on the stage.

After dinner, he led you out to the balcony. There were a couple of other people out there smoking cigarettes and admiring the view of the city and the ocean at night. Then they began to walk off. You both were left alone. So you squared your voice.

"Thomas, promise me this thing. Don't get any emotions. Because I won't. Let's not get too attached to each other during this. The last thing I need is to actually believe our little game with Roper.”

He leaned over the balcony. A light breeze from the night drifted onto you both.

“What emotions should be involved?” he asked.

You felt yourself cross your arms. Your jaw hung open, but no words formed immediately.

“Um...Just....friendship I guess, nothing more," you answered.

He nodded with a small smile.

"If that is what makes you safe, then I won't mind," he assured you.

You put your forearms on the balcony. You looked out at the moonlight as its reflection still shimmered over the gentle rustling of the sea.

"You’re quite the gentleman," you acknowledged.

“I tried. I saw how uncomfortable they made you, Y/N. I feel sorry you have to go through that… You don’t deserve to feel unsafe," he said.

"Thank you....Thomas, Maybe I should return the favor…Is there anything I can help you with, Thomas?" you asked, turning to him.

He looked at you. Then he licked his lips and took in a breath, ready to say his boon.

"Not really, just this one thing..." he began.

“What is it?”

"If they're going to believe we're a couple...we have to know things about each other. That’s what couples do. They might test us. Especially when we’re alone. That's what couples do.”

You tilted your head.

"Have you been in relationships before?" you asked curiously.

He nodded.

"Married briefly, then we divorced. We were both young-too young to understand what marriage meant. And...there was a woman once but...it didn't work out," he answered.

You heard the wind whistle in your ear.

"Even with those- you learn things about each other. I could tell you my ex-wife liked to paint. Jed could tell you what Roper's favorite color is if you asked her," he pointed out. "You know...hobbies. Foods. Favorite colors. What are yours, Y/N?"

You blinked. Then opening your mouth, you began your answers. “Well, for one, I like to read. I bring books in my purses in case events get dull. Jed would tease me about it. I have her and our mom…but things are complicated right now...”

It felt like some icebreaker activity on the first day of school. But he smiled warmly, nodding. You described what you liked to do. Your favorite foods you couldn't resist. And the colors that you liked the most. Thomas relaxed to a smile and nodded.

"I'll keep that in mind," he replied.

You drummed your fingers on the balcony.

"Do you have hobbies, Thomas?" you asked.

He nodded.

"Yes. I like to read, too. I collect books," he answered. He stood up and put his hands in his pockets.

"Ooo, and your family?"

"Father died. Then my mum. Never had a real family. Just foster homes."

You looked down to the ground.

"Oh...I'm sorry..."

He then took out his hand. He touched your chin, lifting it gently to look at him. He only shrugged with a calm expression on his face.

"Don't be...I only got to have many families. I was with a family who spoke Arabic. Another spoke German. I learned their languages, too."

"Cool! Do you know a phrase you can teach me?" you asked.

He nodded. He looked around, then his eyes met yours again.

"Easily-here's a German one. Die Sterne sind heute Nacht hell."

"And that means..."

He removed a hand from his pocket and pointed at the sky.

"The stars are bright tonight..."

Both of you looked up-an expanse of stars glowed above you. They were so bright they glistened down. Their own light gave his skin a more silver glow to him. You saw he smiled and his shoulders relaxed. He looked beautiful, looking up, admiring the sky.

“Yes…they’re very pretty,” you said.

There was a knock on the glass door and you turned and saw Jed. She signaled to you that the guests were heading out and you had to say your goodbyes. You both flashed a "couple" smile and a brief, half "couple" hug. Especially with her eyes on the both of you. As you headed back inside, she turned to you.

“Well, first you had Danny, now you have Elena, and now Thomas! It’s like you hardly see me!” she teased.

“Oh, by all means- join us in our room, we could get a sleeping bag for you! And don’t pretend you don’t have your own man too.”

She smirked, then gave you a kiss on the side of her head. But as you looked back, Thomas was still admiring the sky.

The next morning, you woke up in your room to the sounds of birds. You listened to Elena snore in the bed next to you. She went on her stomach, and her dark hair splayed across the pillow. It was like the snore of a puppy and it was pretty cute, you had to admit.

She was resting. She was sleeping. She was alive-her inhales and exhales signaled by his body rising and falling softly.

When you went over to her counter, you took note of something you hadn't noticed- prescription bottles. Looking at them, you saw her counselor prescribed her anti-depressants yesterday. You smiled. It did look like she was going to have to take one in the morning. You'd have to remind her. Normally, you’d get water or coffee, but you made a promise not to leave her alone. You would honor it. Just in case she woke up. But as you sat by in the room, you turned your head to the window to look outside. Dear God, You were glad you looked.

Outside, you saw none other than your fake boyfriend, Thomas, running on the beach in dark shorts. No shoes. And no shirt.

You felt the corners of your lips tug up as if a smile was brewing. You felt your eyes glaze over his muscled abdominals- he was lean but you could count the six packs on his ripped stomach. His pectorals bounced with the force of his jogging. All of a sudden, you understood heterosexual men a lot more. He was delicious. His determined eyes shot forward like nothing on earth was going to stop him from getting to the other side of that beach. And that was alluring, to put it mildly. You could have squealed and pressed your face to the window like a fangirl, but stayed put. Savoring each inch of him. From his short hair to the trail of hair on his lower stomach leading you to the center of sin. His muscled arms with bulging biceps moved with each turn of his shoulder per step. You found yourself creeping to a corner. So he wouldn't see. So you could indulge yourself. Oogle him. Even lust after him. He was getting very sweaty and you could feel his breathing with how hard he ran. Then you would be blessed with imagining him taking a shower.

You were tempted for a second to wake up Elena so she could see him too and drool over him. But honestly, it went in a second because you could not take your eyes off of him.

“Holy shit” was the only phrase in your head as you watched him continue to run on. Even seeing how his sweat was hinted at by the glow of the rising sun. His trail grazed the ocean and the water splashed from his running. And his feet weren't the only thing starting to get damp.

You felt warm and tingly as he ran by. Your pussy was beginning to....feel things you hadn't felt in a long while. Then he was gone. You had a good look at his perfect, peachy behind and the back of his muscular thighs in the shorts and then he went on his way.

You swallowed. Pacing the floor, you shook your hands as if to shake the lust from your body. You were a lot more thrilled you had to be a pretend girlfriend to him. All the man on earth and it was him you got to hold hands and sit next to! Any other girl could have him. It was a miracle he didn't have a hundred lovers at this point- but he was yours! All yours!

No-NO! A more rational part of your brain yelled.

Yes, he's hot. But it's fake. Don't let your feelings get involved. He's a nice man. He’s got an amazing body. But he's still a man. Yes, he's hot, but it's fake, Y/N, you reminded yourself that morning.

It's fake, it's fake, it's fake.

That morning at breakfast, you could smell that Thomas had taken a shower. Elena stood by you when he greeted you. He used a soap scented with citrus. God, the fantasy of him taking a shower was screaming in your impulsive thoughts now. He went up to you and smiled. In Boyfriend ™ mode, he gave you a half-hug.

“How are you, darling?” he asked.

“I’m alright. Starving.”

“Then let’s get you something to eat then,” he said as the chef wheeled in omelets and toast for everybody.

You looked over around the table. Then a sight caught you that hit you like a brick.

Sandy and Caro had hired a nanny- a gorgeous young woman hired to look after Sady and Caro's two little boys. But Sandy sat next to the beautiful woman and smiled at her. Not in a way that felt appropriate.

“Why, don’t you look beautiful this morning!? Did you wake up like this?” he asked the lady.

“Oh…yes! Yes, I did,” she replied flirtatiously.

Wait a minute, you thought. How long has she been here? When you counted the weeks, you realized that there was a correlation between Sandy stopping his flirting with you when she first arrived. No coincidence. Your mind spiraled further.

The woman knew he was a married man. It was not stopping her.

Whipping your eyes to the side you saw Caro blink. Her face went pale. Then red. Then pale again. Their boys complained bout wanting pancakes and she would tell the chef to make some batter for them. But Caro didn't eat the rest of her food.

You felt suddenly sick. You gripped your fork in your hand.

“Is everything alright, Y/N?” Thomas asked, his jaw tight but his voice earnest.

“I…I, uh, we’ll talk later. Not right now,” you said.

Thomas was there, he slipped a hand to hold yours as you ate.

The next day, you took Elena to visit the church before getting some lunch somewhere. It was a blazing day and you were grateful for the coolness of the cathedral. A sanctuary in many ways. The heat. And for Elena. Both of you sat down. You saw her make the sign of the cross and half kneel before sitting at a pew. She was right- this was a safe place. And maybe if Roper was the devil, then he couldn't touch you here. Neither of you.

"How is therapy going?" you asked.

"It's...it's good. Very good. I never listened to someone...as kind as her...I never felt so...so safe. No guards. No Papi. Nothing. She told me all sorts of things. I cry almost the whole time. But she…she listens to me. She believes me. She tells me every feeling and part of life is only temporary and the bad feelings and bad parts eventually go away…"

"That's good. I'm glad. And the apartment search? Have you picked a city?"

"I'd like to live here. It's not too far but far enough. I'm looking at applications...And you- how are you and Thomas?"

"We're...we're good, thank you."

"Just good? How did you two meet?" she asked.

"Well...he rescued Danny. Roper brought him to recover. Got to talk to him a lot. Then he asked me out." So far, so good. You just prayed he would say the same if someone asked him.

"Does he kiss you?"

"Yes," you lied.

"I don't see it. I see your sister kiss Roper all the time."

"Thomas...it's the British in him. Stiff upper lip. He's not the PDA type outside of hands and hugging. That might be pushing it....he kissed me the other night under the stars at the party." you added with a smile. Your memory flashed to Thomas staring up at the sky.

"Huh...nice...but Y/N...I’ve been scared..."

She blinked.

"Will Roper...catch me? Will he...kill me? He's not beneath it. I know he is."

"Why would Roper want to kill the daughter of his lawyer? He'd turn his own ally against him?"

Her jaw tightened.

"He'll see...that I'm not happy...he knows I know the truth about him…"

“Then why hasn’t he done it yet?” you asked.

“I…I don’t know…but I want to get out now!"

"Then..." you turned around.

"Then that means, if you're not happy draining his wealth, then we'll get out of here. Just bear it-be patient, Elena. We have to find you an apartment first...and then we go through the application process."

Her eyes shined.

"Anywhere is better than at Roper''s."

"Okay...we'll take some time here. You can go to the confessional if you want. Whenever you're ready...let's find a place that's leasing. Ask them some questions. See what you might like.”

Elena nodded. After a bit, you saw her go off and have a chat with the other people around the cathedral. Old women kissing their cross necklaces. Tourists taking photos on their phones. Funny...that was the same pregnant tourist she talked to on the first day! Maybe a pregnant Catholic tourist. She went back to you and you gave her a smile as you both stood up and walked down the halls to the door.

You commented "One thing to remember about yourself Elena- you're a good person. You make friends with everyone- no wonder that lady keeps coming back to you! People like you!"

She sighed and her shoulders sagged.

“What is it?”

"Y/N…I feel sometimes I’m…I’m yelling for help to get out, but at my parents, at Roper’s…it’s like no one can hear me. I should be happy. But I’m not…I'm just...just a whining, weak little rich girl..."

Tears were in the ducts of her eyes.

"No, Elena. Don’t discredit yourself. You are going through a hard time. Something happened to you to make you think there was no getting better. And that poor girl may think she has no other escape...but there is...there always is…and you are not alone...”

You turned to her, gripping her shoulders.

“Deaths’ a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You have to remember that. Your problems are real…so are mine! But they are temporary!”

You swallowed, your voice broke with your words yet you spoke on. But you saw Eelena smile despite her sobs.

“You’re already seeking help. And getting therapy and talking. And we’re getting you a new place. Even if it takes a while, you’re going to get out of Roper’s grasp and never look back, and never have to live off of blood money again!! Neither of us will!"

You were crying too.

"I promise you. We will get you to escape. We'll find something- I will do whatever it takes. That little rich girl isn't whiny or weak...she's a brave young woman who looked at death right in its eye and when she was going to cross….she chose life instead. She did the right thing. She's a hero who saved herself and she deserves to be happy."

Crying, she hugged you deeply.

“Oh, Y/N! Thank you! T-thank you-u-u,” she replied, her own voice breaking with tears. But it felt nice. Freeing. Crying released the tension between the two of you. “You’re a strong woman, Elena. I’m proud of you-just for living. Just for surviving.”

After lunch, both of you toured apartments around. Elena lit up and smiled with each bare corner and wall you both saw. As you returned, it was a lazy evening. You were enjoying your reading while lounging at the pool. You saw Thomas walk around and saw Elena chatting with him. Part of you was tempted to be jealous or concerned. But it was alright. There seemed nothing inappropriate between them. Let her make another friend. But Caro only sat by the edge dipping her bare feet in the water. Her face was despondent. Staring at nothing.

There was a dinner the next day. It was no party (Corky was grateful- guests were a lot to keep track of). But it was nice as always. Nice with lobsters for everyone and large glasses of wine for each person. You saw Corky was already on his third one as he dug into his crab cakes and spuds. You had to grin. At least he was off your back when he had a few.

But Jonathan was handsome as ever. In just a dark suit and white shirt, he still appeared like a Greek god in the flesh. Whenever he smiled at you, it was like you had swallowed a bird and it was flying around in your stomach.

"Is there any...dessert you'd like to split?" he'd ask.

"Yes, uhm...how about...uh- a slice of cake- sweetie," you said, adding emphasis on the last two words should anyone hear.

"Cake sounds marvelous, my dear," he said, feeling yourself tingle at the words. Enjoying the fakeness while it lasted.

Elena looked at you and gave a smile over her chicken as she continued to eat.

Yes- eat. Drink water. Sleep. Live, Elena, live, I'll get you out. You’re going to live. You’re going to be happy with your life, I promise...

"Oh, Thomas! One would think you were a nun and a eunuch!" Roper teased.

You shot up. You made a point by leaning closer and holding Thomas’s hand.

“Roper, really…” you said. But you were interrupted.

"Go on, Y/N is as sweet as that dessert, why don't you give her a little kiss on the cheek..."

You looked down, an embarrassed laugh coming out of you. Thomas opened his mouth to speak, but Roper pressed further. He was testing you both and he knew it. Like you were both his playthings.

"C'mon! Just a peck, Loverboy!” Roper pressed.

You glanced at him and he at you.

“Would you be okay if I kissed you, just on the cheek?” Thomas asked.

“Uh, yes. Sure.”

He leaned in close. You could smell the food on his breath and feel warm air from his nostrils, from his breathing. Then he brought his lips to your cheek. They were soft. Gentle. Like a drizzle in April. You felt your whole body get hot. The fact you were kissed in such a spot. It was as chaste as chaste could be. Yet you could have melted from how tender his lips felt against the skin of your cheek. Then he retreated.

Roper smiled and lifted his glass, taking a sip of his chardonnay.

It then struck you. Sandy and the babysitter had been gone. Too long. Suspiciously long. Then, from the hallway, you heard steps. And laughter- both deep masculine and bright feminine voices. The nanny returned first. The nanny was blushing, but smiling as she returned. Then a few minutes later, Sandy walked returned. You saw his shirt looked disshelved and there was a swagger to his steps.

The asshole wasn’t even subtle or secret about it.

Caro looked devastated. Her face was white. She was shaking. Everyone turned their faces away and kept talking as if nothing happened. Even if Caro looked like she was going to break in a hundred bits. You could tell it was everything in her not to cry in front of her boys.

“Well, I hope everyone has room for dessert. Hear the cake’s magnificent! A chef Ludesma signature!” Sandy announced with a flourish of his voice. That stupid asshole. Caro was devoted to him and she loved him. She did everything right- gorgeous socialite mom who gave Sandy two sons to take fishing and to sports games to be more copies of their father. She always got her hair and nails done and her clothes always looked in place. She was friendly and polite to everyone and you never heard of her capable of hurting a fly. Caro never stepped a toe out of line and looked away when men hit on her. And that bastard cheated on her anyway.

She did everything right and she was the one crying. He was having an affair, and he was smiling.

You had had enough. You got right out of your chair. Thomas looked up at you, but his face remained neutral.

You went up to Sandy before your self-control could get you. You took Sandy and looked him in the eye. He went up, wiping his mouth with his napkin- you didn’t see it closely but you knew the nanny wore pink lipstick. Sandy looked up at you with that stupid, shit-eating grin.

"Y/N, how are-"

You slapped him hard before he could finish his sentence. The crowd gasped and chairs squeaked as people got up. Sandy immediately got up, trying to let his tallness and his masculinity scare you away. But you did not back down.

“Y/N, what was the point of-”

Before he could finish that, you gave him a kick in the groin too. He groaned and leaned over in pain, then you grabbed his shirt.

"You stop fucking that babysitter, or I WILL use one of the wine glasses and break it and cut your balls off with it, do you understand?" you raged.

His eyes went wide and he gritted his teeth. You saw his fists curled as if ready to punch you. You took a step back but didn’t stop glaring his eyes.

“Caro loves you and this is how you repay her, you prick?! She doesn’t deserve you. You’re lucky she hasn’t stabbed you!” you continued.

“You little bitch!” Sandy cursed.

But the party already ran up to you. People held both Sandy and you back.

Roper stood up. He went over to Sandy and got him, restraining him from lunging. You felt Jed and Thomas get up and get you, pulling you back. Then you shot your eyes into the nanny to give her a death glare. You would have slapped her too if it wasn't for Jed holding you back.

“! You’re as bad as he is! You KNEW he was married, and it didn’t stop you, you little-”

Jed pulled you away. And you gritted your teeth as the nanny stared horrified, frozen in her seat.

Sandy meanwhile was pointing a meaty, sausage-like finger in your direction.

"Did you see what she did!? She attacked me!” he cried.

"Now, Sandy, don't panic...it's just a scuffle. I don't see a mark on your cheek. Not a large one, anyway." Roper began.

He glared at you. His voice steeled with more venom than you could imagine.

"We know the lowest brothels in Munich and we'll sell you straight to them this minute !" he threatened.

You felt your jaw clench. Terror gripped you and you couldn't move, couldn't think.

“No! Please! Please don’t!” Jed begged, leaning forward.

Then Thomas stepped forward. He replaced Jed's arm around you and then leaned out a hand in peace. Jed ran forward to beg Roper and Sandy not to sell you off as punishment. Could they...could they do that...oh no...what on earth had you done!?!

Thomas however, was still quiet. But he was strong. You found yourself wanting to nuzzle into his shirt. You could smell his cologne subtly applied. He was again...so warm and soft. And safe. He then began speaking with such authority, anyone had to listen.

"Please...everyone...let's not fret ourselves. Sandy has done wrong, and he should acknowledge how much this hurt his wife. Don’t be upset at Y/N, either. She’s fiercely devoted to her friends, especially the women here. She was trying to protect Caro," he reasoned.

He looked down at you. His gaze softened and you felt yourself relax a little near him. His arm enclasped you in an embrace. Youcould feel his pulse in his body. You hugged him back and swallowed hard.

Roper furrowed his brow. He then took a step forward and spoke to your pretend boyfriend giving you a very real defense.

"If she was my woman...she would be off to Germany by now. But she's not. Thomas, you have to learn to control your woman. I do so with Jed. Sandy does it with Caro. Now it’s your turn. Take her to your quarters. Give her a dressing down. Or we will have to do it for you,” threatened Roper.

You felt your heart race inside your ears. This was some real 19th-century bullshit Roper was pulling out of his ass. Would that be…be possible? Now even Jed looked scared. So very scared. And she stopped trying to beg him. Oh god, now it was going to happen to you. Elena and her parents were silent and you saw the teenage girl trembling. She took a step forward out of her seat, but then Roper put an arm up to stop her.

Thomas then put his hand around your arm.

“Here…I will take her to my room and I will dress her down, as we say. Just give us a moment…” he began.

Thomas was a nice man. A docile, polite, quiet, if not slightly mild man when you talked to him. He wouldn’t…beat you. He didn't seem the type. hen again, you remembered a phrase you heard once. It was always the ones you would never suspect. You bit back your bile. Your legs were shaking so badly, you wondered if you were standing.

“Here, Y/N…come with me…” he directed.

You had no choice but to follow as he led you by pulling you with him. His touch felt like a grip this time. You were shaking. Then he led you out. Out of that building. The guards nodded and let him. Out into the cool night air with the crickets and stars. You could still smell the sea too. It would usually be comforting. But this was not usual. You saw his muscles and big hands- he could overtake you in a fight. A blow from his fists would hurt. He could easily overpower you. You should have known. You should have known he was Roper's friend. And friends meant one's future-your sister's future. Yours.

He had a smaller cottage near the property. He took you right inside into the front foyer- a little hall with a kitchenette right there. Then he locked the door and looked at you. His jaw tight. Then he took a step forward. You squeezed your eyes shut and braced yourself.

“Just get it over with, quick!” you insisted.

“Y/N…you're safe here. They would have pressured me to hit you. But I'm not. Not here or anywhere. I’m not going to hurt you…” he said.

You opened your eyes. Your shoulders relaxed though your heart was still racing. He went up to you.

“Thomas, what are you talking about?” you hissed.

He leaned in close. His voice was just a whisper.

“You don’t have to call me Thomas here…you can call me Jonathan.”

“What…you have another name?” you asked, your mind reeling with every word he said.

“Yes-Jonathan Pine.”

[rh1a]

♡♡♡

-> 18

-> she/they

♡♡♡

indigo's mun here. no you're not getting an actual name outta me. suffer. this blog is to stop me from yapping so much everywhere else, but also I've had it forever so like. old habits die hard? this blog'll have:

-> oc lore yapping

-> classics yapping

-> incorrect quotes yapping

-> and potentially extra-curricular yapping... no promises on a structure. consistency isn't my thing.

♡♡♡

[OCS BELOW THE CUT]

♡♡♡

[DC OCS]

@your-local-shapeshifter - the one, the only: INDIGO! A shapeshifter from another dimension who got stranded in Gotham after shit went down, she's slightly magic, a thief and has taken a dip in the Pits. Despite still being wrapped up in her own shit, her main priority is keeping her friends alive and un-kidnapped which is... harder than you'd think.

@crime-alley-cat - welcome, CAT! A slightly Other college kid who works in an old antique shop in Crime Alley with questionable origins. So maybe the clock's sentient and man-eating, don't look at it too hard. Generally exhausted and done with your shit, she's entirely willing to feed to to the clock outright if you start anything.

@eden-byrnes - The Bounty Hunter: EDEN! Indigo's older brother figure who got twisted up in far more mystical shit than he ever expected when he took Indigo under his wing as a teenager. After the Blip, where Indigo was dusted and he was left behind, he's a bit overprotective of her. Doubly so after her multiversal trip. He knows she can handle herself, but for the love of god if she could quit trading her soul away everytime he took her eyes off of her-

[MARVEL OCS]

@psyche-mariposa - The daughter of Aphrodite, PSYCHE! Semi-permanently surrounded by butterflies, she knows more than she'll ever tell you. Despite people's assumptions on Aphrodite, she's more than happy to prove her mother's war epithet was there for a reason. She runs a combination of a flower and coffee shop in the Bowery.

@hesperia-pavone - The daughter of Zeus, HESPERIA! A strained relationship with her sperm donor, she's chosen to worship her step-mother instead. An activist, part-timer at Psyche's shop and generally chaotic teenager, she's just about willing to throw hands with anyone if given a reason to. She's a high-schooler in online school and knows how to use far too many weapons than most would consider reasonable.

MCU:

@icarus-avion - NYC's very own speed racer, ICARUS! The chaotic mechanic who has more auto-related crimes than sense. She spends most of her time working on her 'baby', the car she uses to race and torment the cops. Smart in her own right, she's achieved some insane shit working on her car, like interdimensional travel... She's definitely hiding something, despite being an open book, but what exactly is the question...

SPIDERVERSE:

@caoimhe-oconnor - Earth 1703's Spider, CAOIMHE! She lives in 70s Camden and between homework, protests and fighting the kraken, she's gotten wrapped up in the whole multiverse thing. She's a bit new to all this - and even newer to a touch-screen phone - but she'll be bringing her own special brand of chaos to it.

[OTHER OCS]

@3cl-pse - the unknown entity, ECLIPSE! Ex-Vigilante turned villain after a suspicious five year absence in which they were presumed dead. On a warpath for answers, their morals and behaviour have shifted dramatically.

♡♡♡

-> usual boundaries apply? i can't see anyone testin' their luck.

-> asks and shit are open, but beware. if you dig your grave i WILL fill it with info dumping.

-> uh. yeah. thats all i think. welcome, i guess?

[unhingedselfships]

More Yakuza!Kadokura KimiKura Songs

Coffin - PVLATINUM

“'Cause I'm about to spend a Month's pay on cocaine Fuck a bitch who got a boyfriend Spit in his face Take a motherfucking 9M to my brain Put my body in designer in my coffin”

Watch Me - Bludnymph

“Fives, tens, hundreds, ones Girls want cash, girls wanna have funds Getting drunk off your attention Stacks so long it make a girl run That's that shit that I love Throw it so fast you got a paper cut Bought out the club, now, it's just us Sip straight from the bottle like”

Mr. Dictator - Saint Motel

“Everybody tends to disagree On just how evil A single human being should ever be And all your bones they scream for more”

Pain Killer - Sickick

“Fuck your intervention I just want to feel your high I don't think I'm quitting Tell me you won't leave my side Nothing really matters You're all I need Nothing really matters But you and me”

Devil in Paradise - Cruel Youth

“I wanna be where the sun don't shine Where the birds don't sing and the kids don't smile They say, I saw the Devil in paradise I wanna be where the night is day Where the roses die and the thorns ain't fake And they say, I saw the Devil with a smiling face"

Hayloft - Mother Mother (Crypto, Jake Daniels cover)

“Young lovers and they are not sleeping Young lovers in the hayloft With his gun turned on, Pop went a-creeping Out to the barn, into the hayloft My daddy's got a gun”

Breathing Fire - BAD CHILD 

“Where the time go, I don't know People come and people go,  Stick around I'll keep you close Go ahead call it unconditional 'Cause we're fire breathers You're a violent creature 'Cause we're fire breathers Yeah, you know I need you”

Bodies - Bryce Fox

“I'm just bored trying to drown the anxiety Wanna see if you got somethin' ugly up in the psyche All I'm sayin' is we got two types of blood Tryna mix it up, is you afraid or what? I mean, away we go, are you gon' pass the love? I'm just diggin', are we on the same page or not? I mean, I'm like my past, I'm wasted”

Definition Forbidden - DNMO, Bijou Dream

“I don't even know your name yet Still, I am fixated Love the way you tell me what I want to hear Love the way you don't love me But still, hold me close without judging”

Sweet - Unlike Pluto, Mister Blonde

“I'm only sweet when I'm high In class, I learned to lie To pretty boys, to pass the time 'Cause I got that good shit, American pride Kiss the kids goodnight and take the Harley for a ride”

Montero - Lil Nas X (Rain Paris cover)

“Cocaine and drinking with your friends You live in the dark, boy, I cannot pretend I'm not fazed, only here to sin”

Fake - The Tech Thieves

“Please don't fake it, show me what you're all about I got wasted, learning how to let it out I can't take it, kiss me with the lips of doubt Please don't fake it, fake it, fake”

Demon Mode - Stileto, AViVA

“Went to Hell and met some friends You know, it's not that bad Cocktails and cigarettes For sins I don't regret”

Vicious - Bohnes

“She's a little bit twisted, little bit wild Little bit fucked up, that's my style Little bit ruthless, little bit raw Razorblade tucked inside of her bra Lovin' that pain, she roughin' me up Guess I do too cause I'm stupid in love”

Roses - SAINt JHN (Banks Arcade cover)

“Turn up baby, turn up, when I turn it on You know how I get too lit when I turn it on Can't handle my behavior when I turn it on Too fast, never ask, if the life don't last, done been through it all”

Maraschino Love - EZI

“Your lips, a sugar rush Like candy on my tongue Once I got a taste, I couldn't stop Wanted every drop, give me all you got I'll sip you out the bottle, you're so sweet like cherry pop Was like, Oh my God, my new favorite drug You go down like liquid velvet, maraschino love”

Heart Shaped Glasses (When the Heart Guides the Hand) - Marilyn Manson

“And I don't mind you keeping me on pins and needles If I could stick to you and you stick me, too Just don't break, don't break my heart And I won't break your heart shaped glasses”

Borderline - Tove Lo

“Good people do bad things too Pretend they don't know, but they do It takes one to know your mind You and me we are one of a kind, it's true I like to feel my bones when they crash into my heart I like the taste of blood when you're tearing me apart I like to push you to the edge as long as you say you're mine”

Mary on a Cross - Ghost

“But through all the sorrow We were riding high And the truth of the matter is I never let you go, let you go We were scanning the cities Walking to greater dues But besides all the glamour All we got was bruised”

Desperado - Rihanna

“Desperado Sitting in a old Monte Carlo A man whose heart is hollow, uh Take it easy I'm not tryna go against you Actually, I'm going withcha Gotta get up out of here and You ain't leaving me behind”

[prismartist]

Ponk’s discoveries and what they mean

Y’all haven’t been paying attention to Ponk and it shows. /lh

He has made many discoveries in his recent streams that are just begging to be talked about, and I, as the resident maker of farfetched theories, will take up the job of compiling and connecting them to the current lore.

For those who don’t know, Ponk recently built up the lore of Not A Very Good Town Town, aka the village that went mad, through a book he found in the basement of Jack’s (the potato farmer, not Manifold) Ye Old Farmhouse, written by Jack himself. And it reveals some interesting information.

There’s going to be a few sections for this post: first, breaking down what is in the journal, then theories as to what exactly happened to the village, and how these discoveries can tie into the current storyline.

The journal

For one, Jack seems to have interacted an entity that’s eerily similar to Foolish. In the first page there’s an entry that reads:

“Day 790 The strange man is back, his body made of straw but eyes of emrald.”

On the second page as well, it mentions:

“Day 800 A NEW LAND! A land that uses sand as stone! Gold.... GOLD EVERYWHERE!”

Which, of course, probably pertains to Foolish’s desert home, which also has a significant amount of gold due to the Egyptian theme.

But why would we get Foolish lore from Ponk of all people, instead of the totem god himself? Well, Ponk was the first person Foolish interacted with on the server aside from Dream, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they talked more after that and collabed for lore.

But anyways, now we move on to the more interesting section:

“Day 840 The Strange man has returned his name still unknown... BUT! he has brought a caravan of good! he talks about ancient magic and gifts 21 statues transported in make shift boats.”

Jack then goes on to describe that the statues are “calming” for him, before the next entry, written ten days later, show a disturbing shift in attitude.

“Day 855 CATS I HEAR CATS, CATS IN THE WALLS IN THE WALLS”

And another one five days later:

“DAY 900 murder... the cats murder ,,, the people I showed Shrimpy my satues he seems too intrested BUT THEY ARE MY SATUES”

Now those who saw the episode know that Jack and Bob (Shrimpy) turned out to be the murderers of the “canon round”. Seeing as those two people were the only ones exposed to the statues as we know, it’s logical to assume that the statues were the reason they went mad.

And this is backed up by the next entry:

“Day 905 SUDDEN URGE TO MURDER, THAT HELGA WOMEN IS TEMPTING BUT DAMN HER HUSBAND NEEDS TO GO BY ANY MEANS NESS…..”

Then there are two blank pages before the journal concludes

“Day 1040 Just me and Shrimpy and the cool statues life is good go od goo d g ood go odgood g oodg ood go odg good goo dgood goo dgood g ood good good good goodgoo d go od g ood go od dgo od g oo go od go o d - JACK”

It’s creepy as shit. But moving on.

There’s a lot of questions to be asked here. Why did Foolish–if it is Foolish–visit the Town? Why exactly did he gift a bunch of statues that drove Jack and Shrimpy to madness and murder? Why are there cats in the walls?

(Well, cats are very significant to Egyptian culture, even to a cult-like status, but that’s for another post.)

There are a few possibilities.

What exactly were the effects that Foolish had on the Town?

(Here’s the farfetched theories part lmao)

The simplest (and let’s be honest, the most likely) theory is that the statues probably had way too much power that caused people to become overprotective over them. Foolish just didn’t realize and wanted to give some nice gifts, but the statues drove Jack and Bob to insanity after being exposed to them for way too long. So they killed everyone.

However, considering certain factors, there is another possibility, specifically surrounding:

The “non-canon” round.

Did Karl say that it was a practice round and thus not canon? Yes. Am I suggesting it’s canon anyway for the sake of this theory that probably won’t be true? Also yes.

Besides, Karl probably also didn’t plan for TVTWM to be influential to the storyline, but because of it his character’s now a time traveler and Ponk is pulling out more lore so.

I think Foolish came by and gifted the statues, the first round did happen, and he brought them back to life after the first game. But the resurrection affected Jack and Bob, driving them to madness à la gothic horror lit character that just saw something they weren’t supposed to. Perhaps their attitude became cult-like, praising Foolish, thus the overprotectiveness over the statues as they were connected to the god, or they were of the opinion that “Hey no, everyone’s supposed to be dead,” and then sought to make that true once again.

“But then what about the first round, where everyone also died?” You may scoff at the ridiculous theory, poking my chest accusingly. “Why were the killers different?”

Well, I have a simple answer for that.

Egg.

“What, the egg again-“ I know, I know, it may seem tiring tying everything back to the egg, but hear me out.

In another one of Ponk’s streams, “Dreams of potatos?”, at 58:15 (correct me if wrong) Ponk had a dream where Mayor Jimmy was saying disjointed sentences to Jack, scolding him, telling him to stay away from Helga, and also something about burning Miles Memeington being burned at the stake for being a witch (????). At the end of it, Jimmy turned to the camera.

And his eyes were red.

Which, of course, is a telltale sign of being infected by the egg.

The egg being the main plot right now, seeing as it can easily be connected to the “Red-Eyed Village Wars”, and the fact that it is known to control people to murder, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to point to it as being the cause.

It also helps that Jimmy was only a character from the first round; in the “canon” round, Bad had changed his character to some sort of constable or something.

So the egg may have controlled Jimmy and Cornelius, the murderers in the first round, to kill everyone, Foolish then came along, resurrected everyone murdered in the first round, gotten rid of the egg’s influence, and then left. Then whatever effects the statues had on Jack and Bob took affect.

Alternatively, the statues may have been the ones to resurrect the dead, or have been given as protection from any threats, but became haywire for one reason or another. They influenced Jack and Bob to protect the statues at any cost, and they took it too far. Which may seem a little hypocritical as the egg literally does the same thing, but fire fights fire and all that.

And, just like with Karl, if Foolish has had to deal with the egg before, it makes sense why he’s so averse to it now.

Current lore

Now, how does this tie into the current storyline?


Aside from the egg, if resurrection and items do affect one’s psyche, then maybe that’s the same reason why Schlatt and even Dream–the only other two who know how to resurrect–acted the way they did, becoming apathetic to the wellbeing of other people.

Also, it is worth noting that in the basement where Ponk found the journal, there were 21 villagers in boats, the same amount as the statues. Thus Ponk concluded that they are the statues. And Foolish does have an affinity for villagers, if King Toad is any indication. This implies that Foolish can not only bring dead people back to life, but can also grant life to objects that never lived in the first place. Or, they were once living, but had their life taken away from them before getting it back for one reason or another. If Foolish really has this much power, it could be foreshadowing for future events where those powers will be utilized.

About the bloodvines, if Foolish has defeated them before, there’s a chance he may do it again. Unless something goes wrong and he accidentally drives a few people to madness.

(or maybe they were predisposed to madness, who knows-)

TL;DR

Foolish may have interacted with Not A Very Good Town Town before to save them from the egg and resurrect the dead, driving Jack and Bob to insanity as a consequence. Thus he could have a lot of power and will be the one to potentially defeat the egg once again.

[jiminrings]

I REQUEST A SOFT BADBOY DRABBLE WITH SHY READER AND HES TEASING HER BUT SOMEONE ELSE JOIMS IN AND THEYRE DOING IT TO BE MEAN BUT HES LIKE STFU BEFORE I PUMCH UR FACE ONLY IM ALLOWED TO BULLY SHY READER GRR 😡😡😡😡 and soft readers like 0.o but *squeals incoherently* 😭😭😭😭

last name, jeon.

drabble week: day two

drabble week masterlist

pairing: badboy!jungkook x shy!reader

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: "can't you tell that i really don't want you to be here?"

notes: a tiny change on the plot!! also: frat boy!jimin from day four makes an appearance :D

feedback + support mean the world to me!!

“do you wanna form-“

... yes

you DO have an alliance with jungkook

it's a very fair trade honestly

he pretends to be your boyfriend!! there's no specific boundaries to it, but he springs into action as soon as you're put into an inconvenience

in exchange, you whore him out to your friends!!! :D

no but literally that's how he called it

the whole reason this came to be in the first place is because you hATE confrontation with a burning passion

especially when it comes to those "i have a crush on you" moments that people spring on you all of a sudden

you don't like them back!!! that's the truth!!! but the problem is that you aLWAYS feel guilty letting people down

you obviously don't have the obligation to like someone back just because you sit next to them in class :// IT'S JUST IN YOUR NATURE TO FEEL THAT WAY

you wouldn't get into a relationship with said confessor to ease your guilt, clearly

do you plan on denying their advances? yes

but hOW????

you always take the passive-aggressive approach

you get jungkook to carry your bag and hold your hand, walk in front of said person and pretend not to see them, jungkook makes sURE to put some snide eye contact in there aaaaand the whole ordeal is finished :D

you've managed to let someone down slowly without having to speak to them in-person!!!

jungkook comes more handy than that too

you take him when you want to eat out because you're too anxious to eat alone

you take him when you want to go somewhere in which lining up is essential and you're also too anxious to stand by yourself

you take him when you want to go shopping when there's a sale but you're almost always intimidated by the barrage of people and salespeople so he asks and answers the questions for you

jungkook, in hindsight, is the perfect fake boyfriend for you <3

ALSO jungkook wants something from you

"whore me out to the girls from the families your family's friends with, and it's a deal :D"

that alliance and exchange is going pretty well so far

you mAY be on the more-reserved side but that doesn't mean you're self-aware!!!

you know that your parents are loaded and your shy nature could be somehow chalked to that since you didn't really have anyone that wasn't as non-superficial as you'd like, since they were the overprotective helicopter two-rotor seven-blade parents :(((

jungkook, however, is the only constant you have in your formula

you've known him since childhood and have been friends ever since

his mom's your mom's personal assistant, and one day when mrs. jeon couldn't find a babysitter for jungkook, your mom didn't hesitate to let four-year old jungkook come with her to work

jungkook's your fIRST actual friend that hates gold spoons with you because of how tacky they look :-) he's your emotional support person basically

your emotional support person who was sO close to running late from picking you up during his free day >:( you were about to break into a sprint if he arrived a second later, because you managed to spot a jock coming to you from the corner of your eye awhile ago

You Do Not Like Him <3

"and i even changed into a short-sleeved shirt to ward off your suitors. how romantic of me, don't you think?"

now that he mentions it, it's only now when you can drink him in in full-display

... wow

his right arm's the only one with his tattoos while his left's completely blank, but something about the balance just makes you !!!!!!!! even more

his arm's not completely covered but it was coming to be, something about the blank spaces of skin that are yet to be inked being a nice touch

"very romantic, kook."

now tHAT'S the answer he wanted to hear

he forcibly on your helmet for you to showcase, your grunts of annoyance being drowned out by whistling

(he's even looking left and right and making eye contact with anyone who has their eyes landing on you!!!!)

your cheeks smushed is a look he'll never be tired being in awe of, but he'll never tell you that, of course

"do you ever wonder if your parents would kill me if i misplace even a single hair on you?" jungkook thinks out loud and you don't even flinch with how sudden his thoughts could be, sitting on his seat first so it'd already be balanced when you do, "you sure you’re okay riding with me?? on a motorcycle????"

he usually uses yOUR family's vehicles (they let him and insisted he just takes one at this point) but when you called him, he was en route to kim kradle (it's a one-stop vehicle shop apparently) to get new rims for his motorcycle, bUT NOT ANYMORE HE GUESSES????

you come first compared to the booking he's waited on for three weeks

"i have insurance, i think."

no that's the wrong answer

why did you even bother.,,.,

jungkook flicks your nose because your forehead's protected by the helmet, his face contorted in half faux frustration

"you were supposed to be mad at me for asking that — not logical!! don't even joke about that."

"... my life insurance? like, in the instance that i-"

oW THAT HURT

he flicked even harder this time!!!

you roll your eyes at him and it doesn't go unnoticed, a hand outstretching instead of his fingers flexing

“wallet, please.”

????

jungkook's surprised that you even look confused, this time rolling his eyes at you

“you rolled your eyes at me. you need to bribe me so i won’t rat you out.”

right

he has a never-ending knack for the you're rich jokes

you also know that he likes the cold and would turn the fan on even if it's too hot for a blanket, just because he wants to feel cocooned

you also know that he picks from the fourth row of drinks from the front because it's always been a habit

("the germs cling on to the first row!!!")

you also know that maybe, just maybe, you can't stand it tonight when he's putting himself out there instead of being your faux boyfriend

you keep on zoning out and hoseok, perhaps the only tolerable fellow rich kid you can tolerate within your circle, finally connects the dots in his head and snickers

he's been talking about finding the vintage sneakers he's always wanted on depop and how he almost got scammed for like tWENTY minutes already

in reality, all your nods and scowls aren't towards his story

it's to jungkook and... who's that? jihye whose dad is so colossally shitty, that this one rapper wrote a diss song for him? oh yeah, that jihye

"you like him. like actually 'lose your virginity to him' love him."

WHAT???

there's no way

"how did you-"

"you blush like one."

alright that answer was too quick

hoseok should've ATLEAST tried to wait for a few seconds before answering

"a-and the love part?"

"babe, jungkook may not be the richest one here and that should say a lot," you peer up at him nervously and he actually chuckles, peering to everyone at this function, "dude's humble — he could also just be dense to not see you love him."

okay very true

hobi's making a dig rn at how jungkook coinicidentaally happens to be blonde and maybe this is your cue to leave

hobi does not realize that his hair is aLSO dyed blonde while talking shit about jungkook and his hari

okay this is it

once again, you are NOT listening to hoseok and he's figured out what you're doing by now

you're psyching yourself up with a couple of shots and your heels are digging on the carpeted ballroom

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY TO BE MORE OUTGOING!!

"pretend to wobble. it doesn't help that nothing can sink you."

oh okay makes sense

if you're gonna try and charm jungkook while trying to play it off as just being tipsy playfulness, atleast make it believable

hoseok snickers because this is just A+ content with the things that you choose to do in your way

shy girl with high alcohol tolerance mannn coming of age film writers would LOVE you ://

you're about to cross the distance between you and jungkook, but something knocks you on your shoulder with a gentle force that seemed intentional

is that-

hold on a second

"what a coincidence :O"

jimin?

jimin???

as in, wholesome yet slightly fuckboy-ish frat guy jimin???

he looks dashing and composed, meeting your eyes perfectly and he doesn't let your confusion startle him

"i know that look. what am i doing here?"

he says it eloquently as if he's practiced it

AND HE DID!!!

you must've looked so shocked that you immediately apologized, shaking your head no

"i-i didn’t mean-..."

you're confused, sure, but that doesn't mean you're immediately judging

it's just that you never saw jimin here or any function of the like, but you wouldn't put it past him if he does go to these things!!! he looks like a million dollars anyways

"relax, doll. you’re so far the only other person i know that i've seen in these type of things."

he looks calm and collected, but maybe that's just because he spent the last five minutes waiting for you to stand so he could bump into you

this place is just sO suffocating and a familiar face is gonna be his relief from something so fancy that it became mundane

"have we been in the same event before this?"

"not that i recall, no. i get invited but this is only the first time after awhile that i went."

jimin drinks from his champagne flute, wiggling his eyebrows playfully, "wanna know why i'm here?"

you're curious!!! what can you say!!!!

you never really interacted with jimin at all before this, but a familiar face like his is comforting

because hoseok's already engaged in another conversation and jungkook's,,,, being jungkook and is fawning all over jihye

jimin chuckles at your insistent nodding, leaning closer to whisper to your ear

"my stepdad’s loaded as fuck."

oh so that's why

he tugs you down to sit at the nearest possible empty chairs, all its occupants gone anyways because they're in the dancefloor busting tRULY horrendous moves

maybe it's because jimin feels lonely too like you are, and it's him feeling comfortable because he's pulled you like ten seconds ago and not once asked him anything out of bounds

maybe that's why he fell into conversation with you easily because you're always intently listening

"might love me as a real son too. maybe that’s a bonus? you don’t really expect that shit in the things you see."

this situation is actually pretty cute

you snort because maybe you’re nOT that shy when you drink,, that’s the only thing that changes in you probably

this whole conversation that sprung from boredom was unknowingly the subject of many stares, including jungkook who you were initially supposed to go to

“you’re worthy of love, jimin.”

:O

jimin sPITS his drink because where the fuck did THAT come from???

why did you say that and why does he feel that he needed to hear that

“i-i think — i think you need more,” he raises his own glass to your lips hurriedly, caught in surprise but you still gulp nonetheless

“you’re-“ you keep sputtering as he keeps making you drink, but he rubs circles on your back at the same time and it's when you realize that jimin the frat guy may not be that bad, “what??? don’t think you’re not the only one with daddy issues! shouldn’t we have like, a radar for each other?”

jimin snorts at your counter and his eyes crinkle to the point where he can't see anything, not being able to see how you're still trying to recover with all that fizz down your throat

wow ur really enjoyable to talk to

“you’re insane and i think-“

listen

you're not really big on feeling beyond a sense and all that stuff, but you feel as if the aura around you just got dark all of a sudden

"who are you calling insane?"

jungkook appears at your side in an instant, hands wrapped around your shoulders while you remain seated

you've honestly forgotten that you were supposed to go to jungkook, but you're reminded of that vERY clearly now

"go away, jimin," he mutters through his teeth, looking at him dead in the eye

hold on

wait

THAT'S JIMIN???

okay now he's confused

sometimes jungkook's mouth just moves on its own without loading the thought process

"why are YOU here?"

jimin furrows his brows, shocked that he'd even see jungkook here out of all people

the guy barely even attends classes!!! and that's coming from him!!

"why’s he here?"

he crouches to your ear, eyes still furrowed at the younger guy

"long story."

nO???

jungkook scowls bitterly because jesus fuck

YOU’RE ON WHISPERING TERMS NOW????

he left for one second, and the moment he comes back, that's when this fucking frat guy approaches you?? was he waiting on him to leave??

you and jungkook only act as a couple when the need arises, and even if you don't feel it, hE feels that this is the need!!! this is the need and it is arising!!!

"get back to uh, alpha bravo charlie or something, park. beat it."

why’s he reciting the nato phonetic alphabet???

jungkook sounds half-angry and half-sad at the same time, and you don't know which side should you focus on

“move,” he repeats this time again but more sternly, making jimin much more confused since jungkook's trying to pull him away from his seat

jimin doesn't budge and it makes the frown even more evident in jungkook's face

what is he FEELING

“can’t you tell that i really don’t want you to be here?”

“i’m not here for you, though. i’m here for y/n.”

he answers honestly, shis gut telling him that there's definitely something going on between the two of you

“y/n doesn’t want you here," kook argues back surely, only noticing your bitten lips now that makes him realize that you're not exactly sober; just a happy kind of rush

he sees you raise your hand timidly, an equally cheeky smile on your face that's only directed to jungkook like it's meant for him

"i-i actually don’t mind."

you don't,,,

you don't mind?

HOW'S THAT POSSIBLE

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

why aren't you signaling him to commence the faux boyfriend act!!

"y/n has a boyfriend."

“... i’m not hitting on her.”

alright this is more than the entertainment that jimin wished for lol

“yeah, well she has a boyfriend still so beat it.”

you do??

the last time you checked, jihye's gonna have jungkook as her boyfriend within the night!!

“i don-“

ALRIGHT THEN

jimin decides to indulge jungkook, knocking his knee with yours as he winks slyly, urging you silently to watch on, turning to look at you and ask

“what’s your boyfriend’s name?”

you don't answer.

that gives him all the more reason to do so.

“last name, jeon.”

jungkook looks the most determined you've ever seen him, eyes characteristically angry with his arms across his chest that his suit tightens, “first name, me.”

....

......

the three of you know that’s not the truth

jimin takes it in, sighing when he sense that something else is about to be unfold and he does noT want to be a part of it

not before whispering to your ear again for the last time, of course

“pretty weird name if you ask me,” you laugh automatically, momentarily forgetting that jungkook's standing by you on just your opposite side and could hear you

he leaves and that only leaves you with jungkook, looking up at him as he's too frantic to even sit

“what are you doing?”

“being a social butterfly," you quip just as fast, drinking your water afterwards

jungkook only clenches his jaw by then, being taken-aback when you speak again

“who are you doing?”

://

“i’m busy being mad at- wait a minute, WHO???”

who instead of what??

the short-lived enthusiasm you had with jimin left with him, crashing just as hard when you're reminded of jungkook's presence

“jihye’s a pretty nice girl. you should go home early tonight.”

his brows furrow, trying to get you to look at him but you avoid his gaze insistently, “what? what are you talking about?”

“she’s not my girlfriend though.”

you're not at all satisfied with the answer because it sounds so wrong, knowing that jungkook's a handsome guy and everyone wants to be with him!!!

and he probably wants to be with everyone else besides you.

“then who-...”

“don’t know yourself anymore? jimin must’ve really swept you off your feet, huh?”

jungkook huffs as he qualifies for a rebutt, your internal wallowing being cut short

“he’s not my boyfriend.”

...

....

“well would you look at that,” jungkook snickers, sighing through his nose as your eyes finally meet his, directly stubborn yet soft around the edges

“she’s not my girlfriend, and he’s not your boyfriend. what a coincidence.”

god did he feel so threatened the moment his eyes couldn't find you besides hobi and instead next to jimin, eyes crinkled in laughter without hesitation

have you been chasing after one another this whole time?

jungkook silently grabs you by the hand and you wave no opposition to it

maybe it's your liquor-influenced vision or maybe it's you hyperfixating on such a warm moment, but your eyes immediately lock to see the matching red thread bracelet he wore like yours

you're dressed in next year's spring collection line, and the structured silk black gown that has a train behind it doesn't exactly scream to have a simple red thread bracelet as its accessory according to your mom's designer and everyone else —

but you don't have the heart to take it off

there's no need to take it off

jungkook drives your car and no one says a single thing about anything

his hand’s on your thigh and you don’t question it, eyes locking into the way his hand looks perfect and the way the bracelet looks meant to be wrapped in his wrist in the first place

you're sure this time that it's not the newfound courage you have, but rather the need to do it

you kiss jungkook's cheek on a red light.

it's on a red light that jungkook realizes he could fit the visage of his world within one hand, finally kissing you like he's always wanted to

“yeah. what a coincidence.”

[suddenlysackler]

Limelight

Adam Sackler x Reader

TW: N/A (maybe a lil smidge of angst but nothing major)

A/N: This has been on the back burner for quite a bit and it’s a tad messy but I wanted to put it out for you all because I miss you and I miss my goblin bf and, ya know, Cannes 2021. Thank you for reading, I’m hopeful that I’ll be back more frequently in the coming weeks!

...

Adam Sackler had ascertained very quickly that he did not care for red carpets in the slightest. 

Given what he had found himself struggling through his late teens and seemingly all of his twenties, the relief of finally, finally, finally achieving some sort of steady stream of work and establishing himself as a serious actor provided relief that he could not be more grateful for. 

He liked being able to turn down the $800 a month from his grandmother and moving out of his apartment for good this time, trading up for some swanky new town house in upper Manhattan. He liked being able to afford to be choosy about what jobs he took and he liked that he was able to split his time between stage and screen. Hell, he’d even tried his hand at directing some dumb indie film that landed him right smack dab in the middle of Sundance.

Which is when he found out he hated red carpets.

He absolutely hated the insincerity of all of it — the rushed interviews, the posing for what seemed like hours on end for photographs that he’d probably never even see and he wasn’t allowed to smile for exactly like he’d want to. He hated answering the same questions over and over again and rubbing elbows with reporters from tabloids asking about off screen romances and making it blatantly clear to him that they weren’t interested in the art he had just helped create.

Along the way, maybe five red carpet events into his career, he met you. To his surprise, he didn’t meet you through a mutual friend or at a party or by yelling at you to stop taking food from open containers in the store he was working in. He met you because he accidentally took your coffee on a Wednesday morning before you could grab it and you promptly chased him down 45th street and cussed him out by using every single insult you could manage.

And that’s when things just clicked for him.

Everything fell into place after you came into his life and suddenly he felt even more fulfilled than he originally figured was even possible. He liked coming home to you after long days on set or at the theater. He liked bringing you to see different projects he was working on during production or bringing you to advanced screenings or dress rehearsals. Whenever he got a script, you were the first one he talked to about whether or not to even try for the role. He never wanted to object you to the horror that was a red carpet.

Not until now, anyway.

It was the first time that you had happened to be available for one and, yeah, he had invited you to all of the ones he had been to since you had been together but he didn’t necessarily want to take you. Of all of the things in his world that he wanted to show you, premiere events were the one thing he wanted to shelter you from. You knew about the drinking, the philandering of his early to mid twenties, the string of psycho ex girlfriends who he swore might show up at your shared doorstep at any given time to rip him a new one. Despite all of that shit, you’d some how managed to still like him, love him even. He didn’t want to chase you away with the bullshit that came with his career.

Maybe this would be the straw that broke the camel’s back?

You’d said yes without hesitation and his stomach dropped. He knew you never turned down an excuse to dress up, to impress him and make him feel proud of the fact that you were his girl, just his. So, on the night of the Tony Awards, he sat in the hotel room his manager had reserved for the two of you to get ready with the help of a team of aestheticians and hair dressers and tailors watching you twirl in what was probably the most expensive ball gown you would ever wear in childlike delight. Music of your choice played softly on someone’s phone and you could hardly stay still enough for the finishing touches that were being pushed into your face. You looked and felt like a million bucks and Adam knew that, but how was he supposed to enjoy it? He was too preoccupied with figuring out what he would do if you freaked out on him, threatened to leave him or some shit, after the circus act you were about to parade through in order to get to your final destination of the night.

“You look handsome.” You called from the chair you had been forced into, eyes opened wide for quick swipes of mascara.

Adam was so far gone, lost in his thoughts and strapped with worry. He didn’t hear you compliment him. He didn’t see you get up and he felt as though the force of you slotting yourself between his slightly parted legs was a ghost of a touch. “Hey, doll.” He mumbled when he finally did notice you.

One of your eyebrows quirked up. “You good, Adam?” 

He sensed some wavering in your voices, maybe some concern. Maybe some doubt? “I’m okay, just hate this shit.”

The other eyebrow followed the first. “What do you mean you hate this shit?” You ask as his publicist swept into the room and began to shoo the two of you out the door and down to stand for pictures and questions. 

He held your hand tightly as you weaved down the hall and into the elevator. “I just don’t like this part.” He shrugged and you squeeze his hand as you listen. “Worried it’ll bug you as much as it bugs me.”

“I mean, I’d walk over hot coals to see you in a tux.” You teased, eyes bright. When he doesn’t shoot back with a response characteristic of his normally playful bravado, some of that brightness leaves your expression. “You know I’m just happy to be with you, right? I’m proud of you.”

Adam hummed in response and squeezed your hand back. “I know.”

You weren’t having his clipped answers. “I don’t care that there are going to be pictures or tons of people watching. You know that shit won’t make me think differently of you.”

He remained quiet after giving you another shrug, still completely scared out of his mind that your words were just that, words. That you’d hit the ground running and never look back as soon as you realized just what supporting him at these things entailed.

The silence lasted for the rest of the elevator ride, through the lobby, and in the limousine and in the little holding room they put you in that is riddled with all of the snacks he would tease you for indulging in had the circumstances been different. He was tense, his muscles tight, tight, tight from his jaw to his calves, knee bouncing and free hand clenching and unclenching right until the moment his name was called. 

The moment wasn’t awful to begin with. It’s mostly pausing and stopping a lot of times for Adam to take pictures while you watch from the sidelines and, every so often, he pulls you in for a few. He doesn’t tell you that, in the moments he doesn’t have his arm around you, that isn’t kissing your cheek chastely and holding your hand, that he feels like he’s drowning. 

It didn’t phase you as you listened to reporters hound him about his female costar and whether or not they were seeing each other. It really didn’t even phase you when one man asked you to “step aside” and referred to you as Adam’s friend, despite his tight grip on your waist and the tender glances his stole every twenty seconds or so. And honestly, you didn’t really care that you might have gotten jostled up a little bit by photographers and other reporters as you stepped aside, more than happy to speed up the process for Adam.

But Adam would not have that, not at all.

“We’re fuckin’ done.” Adam growled, his eyes locking on your face as soon as he noticed you stumble a bit. He left without another word to any of the reporters and looked for his publicist, who was beyond livid at the fact that Adam was blowing off his responsibilities without much of an explanation. Before he went up to him, he grabbed your hand and dragged you along with him, not saying another word.

After a hushed but tense back and forth between the two men, the three of you stepped out of the view of the public and quickly found one of the many green rooms for invited guests to cool down and touch up hair and make up before heading into the venue. 

He paced and paced and paced for a long moment, leaving you to sit on the couch and watch with bated breath, praying that his older destructive tendencies didn’t suddenly find their way back to the surface of his psyche. 

After a long while, you finally spoke. “Can you come here?” You whispered, eyes round and, to be frank, a bit desperate. 

Adam came to you without a moment’s hesitation and knelt in front of you, placing his head in your lap and putting your hands in his hair. “Are you going to leave me tonight?” He mumbled into the tulle of your dress.

A soft smile crossed your lips and you shook your head, then moved to cup his cheeks and lift his face up to look at your own. “Now why would I even consider doing that?” You hummed. 

“After that shit show? Any sane person would leave.”

“Whoever said I was sane? Isn’t that why you like me?” 

He chuckled at that and nodded, biting back a comment about how anyone would have to be insane to want to stay with him for as long as you had. “That was just some totally bullshit and you know it, doll.”

You shrugged and shook your head once more. “Nothing I can’t handle, I’ve had my fair share of total bullshit with old haunts showing up on our doorstep, huh?” You made sure to keep your tone teasing, not wanting him to feel as though he needed to shoulder any of the blame for the situation.

Adam laughed again and relaxed visibly for the first time all night. “Do you want to even stay?” He asked, his own voice a bit more reassured. 

“Of course I want to stay, you’re up for an award, dummy.” You giggle, letting your head fall back as he moved up to pepper your exposed neck with kisses and playful bites. “And there’s the after party — I heard there’s going to be some damn good desserts and music.”

He flashed you a smirk when he pulled back and stood, then offered his hand to you. “What is it you always say when I ask to eat out on the way home from shit?” He proposed.

You stood and took his hand, intertwining your fingers and squeezing before walking toward the door. “What do you mean?” You asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Adam’s smirk only widened as he held the door open for you and smacked your ass before letting you go. “We have dessert at home.”

[my-emotional-self]

Toxic Love Chapter 7

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader x Bucky Barnes

Summary: Finding out your soulmates were Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes was one thing.  But when someone from your past comes back to haunt you, you have to figure out if a relationship with two super soldiers is something you really want to pursue or if you’d rather go back to your comfortable single life.

Series Warnings:  18+, Swearing, Angst, Fluff, past mentions of rape, self-harm, attempted rape, domestic violence, stalking, death threats, possible Dark!Steve?, Steve will be an asshole a LOT in this series but I don’t know how dark it will get, explicit sexual content, mental health issues, kind of A/B/O dynamics but not really (no they are not actual wolves, more like the hierarchy), mentions of suicide, flashbacks of suicide, nightmares

A/N: There will be no taglist for this story!  I apologize in advance!

8 Years Ago – Age 17

“Y/N, do you know why you are here?” the shrink asked from across the large desk.  You looked down at the typical uniform of a patient at a psychiatric ward.  Yes you knew why you were in here.  A few months ago you witnessed your father’s dead corpse hanging in your living room.  The next thing you knew you were writing a suicide note of your own and your foster parents found it before you could do anything.  Now, you were stuck in a psych ward, probably until you at least turned 18.

“Yep,” came your short response.  

The shrink glanced down at her papers in front of her, going through all of your notes.  “We want to help you as best we can Y/N.  You’ve been through some very traumatic experiences in your life and you’ve witnessed a great deal.  We are going to get you all the help you need.”

3 Months Later

“Have you heard of Borderline Personality Disorder Y/N?” your psychiatrist, Dr. Wang asked.  

That made your head snap in her direction.  Here you were, still stuck in the psych ward after three months and you weren’t sure why.  “I’ve heard of that, yes.  But I thought I was just depressed,” you mumbled, chewing on your fingernail.  

You were clinically diagnosed with depression shortly after coming here.  

“Well, that’s what we originally thought at first.  But the longer you’ve spent time here, the more I and the rest of the staff have discovered it is BPD.  You’re intense mood swings, combined with your ongoing feelings of emptiness and the intense bouts of anger you have are all signs of BPD. We are going to switch up your medications and that will really help with your mood swings and anger issues.

~~~

 No matter how hard you tried, sleep never came to you that afternoon.  You tossed and turned all afternoon in your bed and nothing seemed to be working.  Not only that, but you were really starting to get more irritable as the day went on and you knew it was time to change the dosing of your medication.  It was like clockwork, every year to year and a half. The only problem was that you couldn’t leave the tower without Steve, Bucky or an anyone else.  How were you supposed to get an appointment with your Psychiatrist if you couldn’t leave the tower alone?  This only increased your anger and frustration as you got out of bed to get ready.    

You brushed your teeth and put on a some jeans and a t-shirt, not really caring what you threw on. All of the specific clothing you wore for work was in the closet of your game room along with your makeup and accessories.  

Upon leaving your room, you saw Steve and Bucky sitting at the island in the kitchen of your shared apartment.  They both looked deep in thought over some paperwork and you assumed it was for work.

Grabbing a bottle of water from the kitchen, you were about to head into the elevator as you didn’t want to disturb them, but Steve spoke up and caught your attention.  “Where are you off to?”

“Oh, umm, I’m heading down to my game room.  I’m going to work tonight,” you mumbled out as you pressed the button for the elevator. You noticed it was on the ground floor and it would take a few minutes to get to your level.  

“What time do you plan on being done?” Steve questioned.  

You huffed in annoyance, already irritated as anger began to creep through your bones.  “I don’t know.  Whenever I get done,” you snapped.  Immediately you felt regret, but sometimes your emotions got the better of you when you were in dire need of a medication change.  

“Hey, what’s with the attitude?” Steve commanded as he got up from his seat and stalked over to you, hands on his hips.  You noticed Bucky looking at you from his seat with furrowed brows.  They had never seen you angry like this.  You were always so compliant and easy going.  

“Look, I’m sorry.  I’m just tired is all.”

Steve looked at you sharply, his lips in a thin tight line.  “Alright.  Just make sure you get to bed at a reasonable time tonight.  Promise?”

“I promise,” you answered back.  

~~~

In the comfort of your game room, you quickly got to work.  Digging through your closet, you decided on a light pink tank top that said ‘Gamer Girl’ in black letters with two gamer controls on it.  Since your webcam only showed your top half, you threw on a black pair of cotton shorts to be comfortable.  

Next, you put your hair up in space buns, making sure they were situated just right so they wouldn’t be in the way of your headphones.  You put on your typical game night makeup: bright pink eyeshadow with dark smoked out liner, some mascara and blush and you were good to go.  

Turning on your monitor, you began to power everything up and once that was done, you logged in. Immediately your followers started putting in their messages off to the side and you smiled as you read them. You always tried to read as much of them as you could.  

As the night went on, you knew you should pack it up and listen to what Steve said; getting to bed at a descent time and getting rest.  But you were having way too much fun tonight and so were your followers. It was one of the best nights you’d had in months and not just money wise.  

Ignoring the clock you continued to play and interact with your followers with the microphone that was attached to your headphones.  Every so often you would glance to your messages box and see what some of them had said.  Most of them were cheering you on but of course you always had some haters in there as well.  

It was when you noticed the screen name of one of them that made your blood run cold.  JSmith20. ‘It can’t be’ you thought to yourself, trying to keep as composed as possible as hundreds of people were watching you game in this very moment.  

John’s last name is Smith and he always told you how his favorite number was 20, because that was how old you were when you met him.  No, but he’s still in prison.  He hasn’t gotten out.  He’ll be in there for many more years to come.  It had to be one of his friends right?  The same friend that had been delivering those letters to your old apartment.  ‘Yes, that’s right.  It’s just one of his friends trying to torment you’ you thought to yourself.  

Then, the person behind that screen name typed a message into your message box.  

Hey babe.  Do you miss me yet?  I can’t wait to see you – J

Yep, your composure went out the window reading the message.   Then another message from him popped up.  

I see you are no longer living in that little one bedroom apartment.  Did you really think you could up and move and I wouldn’t be able to find you?  Oh babe, how cute.  I will find you and we will meet again soon.  I promise – J

As you stared at the words on your screen, you heard groans from the other players on your team.  You had just lost the game.  

“Shit,” you swore, anger bubbling up inside of you.  “Fucking damnit!”  You slammed your fist on the desk.  

You rarely lost games. Losing always put you in a foul mood. But because of already being irritable and your emotions on over drive, losing just made everything worse.  

Looking at the clock it was just before five in the morning so you logged off and shut everything down.

You took your hair out of the buns, immediately feeling the tension in your head ease.  Ever so quietly, you opened the door and poked your head out into the hallway.  It was bitch black so you used your phone as a flashlight and tiptoed to the elevator. Before pressing the button on the elevator, you paused.  What if the noise of the elevator woke up Steve or Bucky?  You had promised Steve that you would get to bed at a descent time and seeing as it was just about five in the morning, well, you kind of figured you’d be in trouble.  

Instead, you opened the door to the stairs which was situated right next to the elevator.  At least taking the stairs would be much quieter.

You climbed the stairs up a few levels until you reached your living level and you waited on baited breath for a few moments.  Nothing. Nothing but silence.  As quiet as a mouse, you snuck through the door and dashed to your room, thanking your lucky stars that the palm scanner didn’t make any noise.  

You took a nice hot shower, washing off all of your makeup and the stress of the last few hours.  As much as you wanted to forget John messaging you, it wasn’t going to happen, neither was any sleep.  

Rather than even bothering to get into bed and try to relax, you sent an email to your psychiatrist letting her know that you would more than likely need a dose change on your medications.  Frantically typing away at the email, you explained how you were beginning to get irritated and it was harder for you to control your bouts of anger.  

Luckily for you, Dr. Wang was an early bird and she emailed you right back.  She wanted you to come see her for an appointment and your heart immediately dropped.  That wasn’t going to happen as one of your rules was that you weren’t allowed out of the tower by yourself.  And as much as you liked Darcy, you couldn’t trust her to go with you and not say anything to Steve or Bucky.  

Typing out your reply, you explained that you were unfortunately not able to meet in person and if there was anything else that could be done.  After you hit sent, you began to pace in your apartment, clearly on edge with everything going on.  You just wanted to feel better; you hated feeling this way.  It was as if you weren’t in control of your body and you definitely weren’t in control of your emotions.  

A notification came through your laptop and you rushed towards it, almost tripping over your feet. As you read her words, you could have cried right then and there.  She had agreed to a phone call appointment and she had time right now to discuss things with you.  

Grasping your phone, you dialed her number.

“It’s good to hear from you Y/N,” Dr. Wang stated as she answered the phone.  

“Oh Dr. Wang it is so good to hear your voice.”

She let out a soft chuckle. “Yes, it has been a little over six months since we’ve last spoken.  How are things going with you?”

“Where to begin,” you started off saying.  You let her know that you indeed met your soulmates and had moved in with them. You went over the rules that Steve had given you and she made you feel better as she stated she had seen way worse rules.  Hell, she said your rules were like a walk in the park compared to some she has heard.

“Alright, now, let’s get down to business.  How are you feeling these past few days?” she asked curiously.  

“Ugh, not good. Moving was stressful but I have been feeling really irritated over the last few and I’ve had a few bouts of anger rush through me that makes me want to punch something, but I’ve luckily been able to hold back on that.”

“What about any risky behaviors such as reckless driving, spending sprees, binge eating, drug abuse or sabotaging anything positive in your life?”

“Not yet,” you stated. You knew the routine.  She was going over all the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder to see what has changed with you.  

“Ok good.  How about any intense fears of abandonment or rejection?”

That question always hit you like a punch to the gut.  The only reason you had stayed with John for so long was because of that right there. He purposely wouldn’t let you see Dr. Wang or he wouldn’t take you to get your medications refilled and because of that, you were starting to feel those feelings; not wanting to be abandoned no matter what.  

“Nope,” you replied.  

“Ok then.  I am going to increase the dosing on your current medications but I want to warn you.  Without you coming in and personally seeing me and without getting some blood work done, I don’t know how well this dosing is going to work, if it will work at all. We might need to discuss changing the medication all together,” she stated.  

“I understand Dr. Wang. And do you think maybe you could prescribe some sort of sleep medication for me too?”

“I can prescribe a one week trial of a sleeping medication for you.  After that, I really need you to try and come see me in the office and we can discuss that further.  Now, did you want me to send these prescriptions into your regular pharmacy?”

“Yes, that would be great. Thank you so much Dr. Wang.”

“No worries at all Y/N. Give the office a call and get an appointment set up.”

“I will.  Thanks again.”

Now that you had your medications all taken care of, you had to figure a way to leave the tower so you could get them.  

[binunus]

college bf!bin

a/n the duality of this man??? i’m deceased...anyway i did not think this would go this long but uh my hand slipped...happy birthday binnie!

word count: 5k

genre: fluff, smut, (tiny) angst _________________________________________________

ugh yo

bin is so??? infuriatingly hot??? yet cute at the same time

major: exercise science

and because I love mermaid prince/the beginning, he’s been on the swim team since first year college

swam varsity starting his second year

besties with eunwoo, they were roommates their whole college career

alright so bin loves making friends

he’s so playful and talkative once you really get to know him

but his aura?? tbh very intimidating

like he has an rbf and just like he’s so tall, broad shouldered, built, like he just carries himself very strongly that you will get intimidated when you first meet him

very well known in the university

literally has a professional photographed banner of him hanging in the athletic building with the gold medal he won freshman year

a little embarrassed about it

not really, only when the boys (as in literally the other five) tease him

myungjun: woOoOw bin that guy on the banner really looks like you, don’t you think?

rocky: we geeeeet it you’re a star athlete

blah blah blah you know the vibes, they’re endearing

so how do you meet bin?

basically you’re a friend of a friend—you’re eunbi’s (sinb) friend

you’ve only met bin briefly from time to time, but otherwise you never really had any reason to get acquainted with him

your only encounters of him are when he wants to annoy eunbi and she immediately puts him in his place

but then suddenly in the spring semester of your 2nd year, you and him are in the same 8 am

a boring statistics gen ed class that everyone needs to take in order to graduate

you were running a bit late during the first class meeting—you woke up 30 minutes after your alarm and literally rushed out of your apartment—you made it to class with 2 minutes to spare

most of the seats were filled up already, except that one seat in the back left corner by the window next to the one and only moon bin

oh would you look at that

you felt a bit relieved honestly, you didn’t know anyone else in that class so at least you saw a semi-familiar face

he grinned at you when you sat down

“hey y/n”

you were a bit taken back, “you know my name?”

he laughed a little, “yeah of course, you’re one of eunbi’s really good friends, why wouldn’t I know your name?”

before you could respond, the professor started class and ceased your conversation

one thing you realized as the weeks start to go on

you and bin could not give any two fucks about statistics

no offense to stats lovers

every 8 am on mon/wed/fri, neither one of you would pay attention in class

you both enabled each other to not pay attention basically

so when the professor announced the content and date for the first exam

you and bin literally looked at each other with the same expression

you were both fucked

after class was dismissed, instead of the two of you quickly packing your things and fleeing the room immediately, you both lagged a little bit

you: so...do you know anything that’s going to be on the exam?

bin: uh...no? y/n you’re literally right next to me, you know I don’t do jack shit in this class

you: well fuck, how are you gonna study then bin?

bin: I was probably gonna ask my roommate to help me, he passed with a 96 when he took this class

you give him the best puppy dog eyes you could muster up, you lean in and clasp your hands together like you’re praying

“can he help me too...? please?”

bin’s eyes go a lil wide bc you were a bit closer than he was used to and shit was his heart racing rn?

bin: uh...yeah...sure, i’ll text you to come over when we’re gonna study

you beam at him and like in your excitement you give him a hug

“thank you thank you thank you! i literally cannot fail this class. I’ll see you on friday bin!”

with that you grabbed your bag and just left, leaving bin shocked

he’s surprisingly a shy boy okay!

he always thought you were cute from when he first saw you hanging out with eunbi, but ofc he never thought any more of it

until you guys had this class together and he started to think every day, that wow you are really cute

bin texts you the next day

coincidentally, eunbi texts you too

bin: hey this is bin, if you’re free in an hour my roommate’s gonna help me go over the material in ch. 1

eunbi: why did bin ask for your number

you to bin: yes! send me your addy and i’ll be there :)

you to eunbi: we’re in the same stats class lol and we’re gonna study for our exam next week

eunbi: lol moon bin studying? you might wanna bring some wine with you for emergency y/n

you: lol what do you mean by that?

eunbi: binnie hates studying, but good luck!

ahh, eunbi becomes unhinged when it comes to bin

but you know it’s bc they’re that close, they’re literally childhood best friends, more so like siblings

still, studying w him couldn’t be that bad right?

spoiler alert, it went alright

you felt bad showing up to bin’s apartment empty handed so you picked up some coffee before you arrived

you officially meet bin’s roommate, eunwoo, and you’re floored for like 2 minutes bc literally how can a man like him be real?

cue bin being a bit jealous bc yeah he knew his roommate’s perfect but like damn did you have to be affected by him too :(

eunwoo’s a good teacher alright? you actually understood the material from him

you: idk what eunbi’s talking about, you’re actually not that bad at studying bin

bin being offended: oh god what did eunbi say about me

eunwoo smirking: maybe it’s because you’re here y/n, bin usually doesn’t focus this much when it’s just me trying to help him

you: ???

bin in his head: i can’t trust anyone huh 

before you left his place, you and bin planned to meet up and study one more time before your stats exam

it was just you and bin this time

although you’d never admit it, yes you tried to look good for meeting up with him

yeah he’s a friend?? at least you think you were at that level?? but still, he’s a cute friend and you really didn’t want him to see you looking crusty

you and bin end up studying for a whole 5 hours

granted, half of that time you two were messing around, eating food, trying to procrastinate for as long as you could

bc even though you two had a good handle on the material now—thanks to eunwoo—you both still hated statistics

you knew bin started to get more comfortable with you bc he started teasing you

it made you happy hehe so ofc you started to quip back at him

not at the intensity that he and eunbi do but it’s enough for you :)

he walks you back to your apartment after your study session

wow what a gentleman

bin waving bye at your door with the cutest smile: see you in class y/n :)

mayhaps your stomach did a little somersault

anyways

on the day of your exam you were freaking out

you have test anxiety ah ha ha

you woke up at 5 bc you were paranoid about being late to class

you’re like hastily looking over the notes again when you get to class like are you really prepared omg you’re psyching yourself out hella

bin comes in with 2 cups of iced coffee and he’s like woah are you okay

you: i woke up at 5 bin, idk if i can do this omg

you are like visibly in distress rn and he feels like a pang in his chest 

he was gonna mess with you and say like “bet im gonna get a higher grade than you” but he smartly decides against it

instead, he just takes your hand and gives it a little squeeze: y/n, take a deep breath. you’re going to do great, you studied your ass for this and we both know that you got this material down—even eunwoo hyung said you were gonna ace this exam. just trust your instincts, okay? breathe with me.

he was staring at you so intently and genuinely when trying to calm you down

your anxiety yeeted and suddenly you felt shy

you: th...thanks bin...

bin was worried about you while taking the test rip, he kept secretly glancing at you (while also trying not to make it look like he was cheating) just to make sure that you were okay

he walks you to your next class after you both finished your exam

bin: you sure you’re okay? you said you woke up at 5, did you even eat breakfast? let’s get food after your next class.

you were feeling better after the test but like you got so endeared at his fussing

yes you and bin got lunch that day

your exam results were uploaded the next day

you immediately called bin: I GOT A 95

bin: i told you that you would ace it! i got a 90 hehe

you: bin i literally owe you and eunwoo my life, lemme buy you guys food or something

you hear a little bit of bickering over the phone and suddenly you’re talking to eunwoo

eunwoo: i would love some sushi, but since bin can’t eat seafood, why don’t you come watch his swim meet this weekend :)

you: o...h...o-okay yeah i’d love to watch, what time is it? :)

eunwoo: it’s saturday at 10 am

you: okay! i’ll see you there bin

bin already planning on drop kicking eunwoo

cha eunwoo—best wingman™

you basically beg eunbi to go with you to bin’s swim meet

eunbi: i know bin can swim, why do i have to watch him flounder around under water

also eunbi: faster bin! don’t you fucking dare lose!

bin places first this meet

are we shocked? no

okay you mentally prepared yourself for seeing him shirtless, but clearly you didn’t prep enough bc you’re on the cusp of drooling when you’re watching him from the bleachers

and let’s face it, you’re not subtle and eunbi knows everything so she’s literally closing your jaw for you and like messing with you

eunbi: y/n, you’re really sure you like bin? he’s a good guy but c’mon, i think you deserve better

you: since when did i say that i like him ???? and what do you mean ??? i think he checks...all the boxes...for me...

eunbi: maybe it’s bc i’ve known him since when he used to wet his pants so i don’t understand why people are attracted to him, but like...really, you’ve been checking him out since he removed his shirt. even the ref can see that you’re simping over him

you and eunbi meet up with eunwoo and the rest of bin’s friends—that you haven’t met yet but know of

jinjin: oh so you’re the y/n that bin’s been talking about *wink wonk*

baby you’re blushing

even more so when bin comes up to your group

mmm middle parted wet hair, muscle tee and white sweats, towel around his shoulders

he’s so hot ???

you’re all congratulating him blah blah, but like bin keeps glancing at you and all you can do is just smile and like nervous laugh

sanha: y/n! eunbi noona! you should come eat with us to celebrate bin hyung’s win

eunbi glances at you, little smirk on her face: i have plans, but i know y/n’s free! bin you make sure they get home safe after y’alls dinner plans :)

hwang eunbi—best wingwoman™

dinner with the boys was chaotic, you were talking and joking around with them as if you didn’t just meet them today

*you about to get your wallet*

bin, not even able to look at you: it’s okay y/n, i got you this time

cue the boys teasing

astro: kings of making fun of each other

rocky as the group is splitting up: walk y/n home safely hyung :) don’t stay out too late

bin: sorry about them, they’re a bunch of loud idiots...ah haha...

the walk back to your apartment is actually pretty sweet

he didn’t know if you would actually come watch his meet or not but he was excited when he actually saw you

you talk about small random things about yourselves, but it’s not like useless information, you bet that both your subconsciouses are keeping track of whatever y’all are talking about

you give each other a “friendly” hug goodnight...that lasts like a minute or so

and while you’re hugging, bin just can’t help but think that wow you fit so perfectly in his arms

and on the other hand, you’re thinking he feels so warm? so safe? you don’t want to pull away?

but ofc the hug has to end and you’re thanking him for walking you home and he’s like glued to his spot waving goodbye sweetly and waiting for you to go inside so that he knows you’re safely in your apartment before leaving

bin sighing dreamily as he walks back to his and eunwoo’s place

eunwoo waiting on the couch with a glass of water: how was your date ;)

bin: it wasn’t a date, i just walked y/n home

eunwoo: yeah, but you want it to be a date

bin: ...shut up

god why is the pining stage so long

alright everyone knows you and bin like each other

it becomes pretty obvious after the swim meet

you and him fall into this little routine of switching who buys coffee for your 8 am

and then he’d walk you to your next class afterwards

you both still don’t pay attention in stats, sorry

but that means more outside study sessions dates

you come watch his swim meets, whether astro’s there or you’re just watching by yourself

and then you and him get lunch?? early dinner?? right afterwards, it depends on whenever his meet ends

but like??? neither of you have confessed your feelings for each other

even though you both have like a little hint that yeah the feelings are mutual

you and bin are literally like this for 3 months, like damn the semester is almost over

eunbi and eunwoo are tired of your shit, they’re both just like: when the fuck are they getting together? we’re sick of this.

alright so the masterminds literally pay one of eunwoo’s friends from his major to ask you out while you’re studying with bin

let’s do mingyu why not, he was in your korean history class last year

you and bin are in the library, half studying half goofing off per usual

eunwoo, eunbi, and mingyu are at the opposite side of the floor

mingyu: u sure bin won’t clock me for trying to ask out y/n

eunwoo: probably not??

eunbi: just do it please

mingyu giving them both the finger before walking up to your table

“hey y/n...i was wondering if you’d like to get dinner with me...as a date?”

you: o_o huh?

mingyu: i always thought you were cute from when we had class together last year, but i never had the balls to ask you out or anything...you’re not dating anyone, right?

you glance at bin to find that he’s already looking at you with an expression that you don’t really know how to read

you: um...well no I’m not-

bin: actually, we’re dating so y/n can’t go out with you mingyu, sorry.

mingyu’s not even phased, he just gives you a thumbs up and then leaves

you’re confused like literally what is going on—and then you process what bin said and you whip your head to look at him

bin: sorry i said that...i just felt...jealous i guess when mingyu asked you out

you: I wouldn’t have said yes anyway...I sorta like someone else

bin: fuck it, the topic already came up...y/n I’ve liked you for a while now but uh...I don’t know I guess I was scared to tell you because I’m scared of rejection

you just laugh, but not mockingly! more like bin you’re so cute wtf

“bin, why would I reject you when I’ve literally been into you for the past four months?”

it’s safe to say that you and bin officially began dating after that

eunwoo texting in their gc: bin and y/n are finally together

myungjun: fucking finally

bin: how...did u know that eunwoo...?

*eunwoo has left the chat*

alright but bin’s charm?? flirting?? teasing?? sweetness?? up 1000%

bin is touchy y’all, in private his hands are always on you, whether it be sexual or not sexual is up to you

he restrains himself in public ofc, the most he does is put a hand on your waist or hold your hand

eunbi threatens bin early on in your relationship: bin you’re like my brother, but y/n’s one of my dearest friends and if you as much make them cry i will kill you

ofc bin is still eunbi’s punching bag, but when you three are hanging out, he’s dramatic and acts like he’s hurt so he’s like whining to you

sometimes you play along and coo at him like: aww binnie, where does it hurt baby?

other times you’re like: you really think i believe that?? with the size of your biceps??

eunbi: excuse me while i vomit

okay but binnie? bestest sweetest boy

yes he looks all big and intimidating

but he’s soft—especially for you

your nicknames for each other are either “bub” or “baby”

yes will join in making fun of you with the boys, but when you start pouting he’s a goner and will defend you

bin is also a big cuddler, but i mean you’re not complaining hehe

he’s the big spoon, no questions asked

okay but being in bin’s arms is like your favorite place in the world

his frame literally just envelopes you and all you can feel and smell is him and it’s so??? content, you feel at home with him

you feel bad in the morning bc like his arm has to be sore from your weight so you try to like get out of his grasp, but he literally just whines and hugs you tighter

okay but just imagine you and bin napping and his arms are around your waist, his nose is buried in your neck and he wakes up like nuzzling his face in your shoulder like a puppy

im soft

one week you’re staying over at bin’s apartment and then the next week he’s staying over at yours, the cycle goes like that

if you’re one of my ladies with a ~vagíne~, he will buy all your cravings and your tampons/pads, literally anything you want that week, it is yours

doesn’t really get jealous now that you two are official, he knows that you’re his and he’s yours

you two lightly bicker like friends, but you’ve never had a terrible fight before

you were really close to though—or...like you did?? but it was resolved really quick

one of the only problems of bin is that he hates showing weakness and it takes him a whole lot to truly fully 100% be vulnerable with someone even if it’s someone close to him

he pulled a muscle in his arm and it cost him one of his swim meets

he had to go to rehab for like a month and you knew that mentally he’s been off bc of it

you try to ease talking him into telling you about how he’s really feeling but he just kept dodging the subject

one night after one of his rehab sessions, he came back to your place and you’re just like

“hey bubbie, how was rehab? how are you doing?”

and he just snaps at you: stop asking me how I am, y/n, it’s getting really annoying

you’re taken aback, like what the fuck where did that come from?

your eyebrows furrow and you cross your arms bc you are not going to get spoken to like that

“so me worrying about you and wondering how your recovery’s going is annoying? that’s what a partner is supposed to do, moon bin. what’s going on with you?”

bin: you’re being suffocating! it’s the only thing you ask me about nowadays, sometimes I—

oh boy you got mad

you: I ask you because I know you’re not telling me things! I know you’re suffering by yourself and I want to let you know that I’m here for you, I want to help take some of the pain away or at least help you deal with it because I’m your partner! but how can I if you can’t even let me in?? we’re fucking dating moon bin, we’re supposed to go through rough times together. and you call me suffocating...? 

bin’s silent and he’s looking at the floor

you sigh, tears are building in your eyes because you’re frustrated and a bit hurt by what he said, and your voice cracks when you speak again: if i’m suffocating you, then you should leave. text me or something when you can breathe again, I don’t know.

there’s a bit of spite in your words, hidden by the pain

bin sees the tears rolling down your cheeks and that’s when he knows he fucked up

he’s never seen you cry before—besides like from a sad movie or something

so like the fact that he made you cry and hurt you with his words? damn he hates himself rn

he immediately wraps his arms around you, and you like try to push him to get away bc why is he hugging you? didn’t he just say that you were suffocating? why is he confusing

bin: baby, I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have taken out my frustrations on you, you’re not suffocating me I promise...you’re right about everything, I should be sharing things with you and telling you how I’m really feeling...I’m sorry.

you don’t say anything and just like sniffle and he picks you up and brings you to your bedroom and then he just lets it all out

he tells you how rehab is hard and like yeah his muscle pain is going away, but he doesn’t know if he can swim as fast as he used to and that scares him

and he tells you that sometimes he’s thought of giving up swimming since his injury, but then he thinks of you and that’s how he’s still going through with rehab

you’re his motivator and comfort but he doesn’t want to show you his weak side bc he hates that part of himself

and at this point, bin starts tearing up and you’re like stroking his hair to try and comfort him

bin: I’m not good at telling my feelings baby...probably why I didn’t tell you I liked you until 4 months later...but I promise I’ll work harder and at least try and tell them to you.

ugh pain

anyway your communication with serious things got better after that encounter

eunbi finding out that you and bin argued and he made you cry and she literally punched his stomach

you: omg eunbi stop

bin: it’s okay...I sorta deserved that

eunbi: why...are you not swearing at me? shit, bin are you okay?

he nods to the girl and just puts an arm around your shoulder: we talked things through, don’t worry. I’m all good now, but I did deserve that punch because I hurt y/n when I promised you I wouldn’t

bin ends up having a full recovery and bam his first swim meet after he got the clear from the PT, he gets first place again

all the boys and you and eunbi were there supporting him

bin was hella nervous before the meet started, but you gave him a little good luck kiss and was like: I believe in you bub, no matter the result, as long as you give it your all and don’t hurt yourself again, you’ll be the winner to me :)

this was actually when the first “i love you” was said

after your little pep talk in the locker room, bin’s just hugging you and holding you for comfort

and he just went out with it

“I love you y/n”

you blush hella hard bc you were not expecting that

obviously you’ve been feeling it like yeah your feelings for bin have grown into love for a while now

you just bury your face in his chest and hug him tighter

“I love you too binnie, now go get em bub.”

he smiles and kisses you and tells you that he’ll see you after the meet is over

you come back to the crowd where the boys and eunbi are and you just have a huge smile on your face, you’re literally glowing

myungjun: please tell me you guys didn’t fuck before his swim meet

speaking of fucking

okay let’s get down and dirty ladies and gents wink wonk mmm grr bark bark

bin is so sexy y’all like i dont need to tell you that

he’s 100% a tease

you have a little muscle kink hehe

which bin very much uses to his advantage

if bin is wearing a sleeveless shirt, you bet he wants to smash that day

will walk around shirtless after a shower or after a workout just to turn you on and then depending on his mood, he might tease you for like an hour or you’ll just get right to it

he’s very proud of his body and the work he put into it and knowing that you get turned on from one look of it?? gives him an ego boost, he loves it

one time at a party, he wore a crop top (mm hello bad idea bin) and you literally went feral

you dragged him inside the nearest bathroom and just started making out

he’s an ass guy

...all of astro are ass guys, it’s just obvious with how much they slap each other’s asses and poke each other’s assholes

okay you know how he’s touchy right? i mentioned that earlier

he always wants you on his lap

even if there’s a space available, nope your seat is his thighs

ofc when the situation allows, like you’re not gonna sit on his lap in class duh

most of the time in public like if you’re hanging out with the boys or something, it’s innocent

but if he wants to be a tease, he’ll literally just tighten his grip on your hips and grind you down onto his cock

subtle, he won’t straight up thrust into you

just enough to get his dick stirring and make you feel the outline of it through your pants

and then he just stops and hugs your waist again?? wtf

his major’s exercise science right? will ask if he can practice on you for anatomy and physiology, but you know after touching you in a couple places, y’all will just end up fucking

likes to bite and mark

very proud seeing the hickeys he leaves on you

you can bite, but you can’t bruise, idk his upper body is exposed a lot bc swimming so you can’t really leave any marks on him unless it’s the off season

foreplay’s cool, but he prefers the main event, he just wants to be in you

as much as he loves doggy, his fav position is the hook

(it’s when your legs are on his shoulders ohoho and it just lets him fuck you in a deeper angle mmm)

also in the hook, he can choke you

if i have a choking kink, you have a choking kink

okay little tangent, choking is so hot?

like just imagine you and bin are making out, he pushed you against the wall, literally grinding his hips into you, and his hand just comes up and squeezes your throat? that’s so sexy

likes butt stuff oops

i don’t make the rules, he just does

daddy kink, but no power play

will not degrade you (even if you really just want him to call you his dirty slut) bc he really values seeing you as equals

seeing your face when you cum is a must

almost always: you cumming → bin cumming

nothing gets him off more than knowing that he’s making you feel good

after !! care !!

sweetest boy!!

will clean you up with a warm towel after sex

and if you’re one of my ladies, he will always remind you to pee so that you don’t get a UTI

if y’all had a marathon or something, he will draw a bath and carry you to the bathroom and you will bathe together, so soft

always ends sex with an i love you :’)

okay let’s get back to the soft stuff

special thing about swimmer bin: pool dates

sometimes when he’s practicing and it’s just him, he asks you to come to the aquatic center and you two end up splashing around and being cute together

he like knew that you were the one for him some time during senior year

it was the holidays and his parents invited you to spend christmas with their family since your parents were out of the country this break

his parents and sister liked you immediately—which you were so scared about, but bin just knew

you woke up early christmas eve (and bin was out like a rock) so you just went downstairs to brew some coffee or something and you saw that his mom was already starting on making food

naturally, you offered your help and she was like no, you’re a guest y/n, but obviously you started helping

bin comes downstairs like an hour or two later to see you, his mom, and his dad just cooking and listening to christmas music and talking and his heart just like swells??

you: morning binnie :)

his mom: how can you be sleeping when y/n’s here helping us with christmas dinner

his dad: what kind of boyfriend are you, son?

just kidding all jokes

but that’s the moment when he knew

best boyfriend bin ugh

he becomes a legend in the school for swimming

but doesn’t continue after college, he’s all about becoming a physical trainer after graduation

he goes to grad school, while you’re out working in business

bin moves in with you after graduating, it was the obvious next step

you do talk about the future together, but obviously bin’s still in school and you’re both fresh from undergrad so there’s no rush yet to tie the knot

doesn’t stop his or your parents from talking to you two about marriage tho oops

ugh but the domesticity after bin moves in with you? superb

like yeah obviously you both basically lived together anyway when he still roomed with eunwoo just from how much you and him spent at each other’s places

but like your apartment is now both of your place and it’s like your home is finally complete

your apartment becomes the reunion place for the boys and eunbi

at this point everyone knew you and bin were gonna get married eventually

eunwoo and eunbi: we did that ;)

and that’s how you and your college bf!bin live happily ever after uwu

happy birthday binnie moonbob ♥

1-25-21

[interstellarflowers]

Professor Parker Ch. 1| Professor, Peter Parker x Student, Reader

a/n this fic doesn’t follow the marvel cinematic universe but assume that peter has been what he’s been through with the exception that tony lived, and bruce is still bruce, sorry but i just can't deal with endgame hulk/bruce rn emotionally or mentally. im sorry nat is still dead but dw i'll actually treat it with respect unlike endgame like goddamn where was her funeral, am i right? the stages of grief thing they did was interesting though. im sorry i digress, this is set in nyc (because heyo im a new yorka) and the avengers/stark tower is still a thing, peter is fucking traumatized and has turned kind of cold as a result. this fic may contain a smut chapter in the future? not sure yet, where this fic goes depends on the feedback, thanks for reading also sorry im not the proudest of this first chapter so ill probably edit it but promise itll only improve from here just not in the best mental state rn

University life wasn’t exactly everything that you imagined it to be. There was hardly time to do anything that people claimed was good about coming to university. The parties, the epic heartbreaks, and romances, they were just nowhere to be seen. In fact, there was nothing particularly extravagant about your experience thus far. You went to class, studied, and went to your internship. Your internship was probably the most exciting thing about your life at the moment, you were lucky to be accepted into the Stark Industries student internship, the company paid college tuition and only required around twenty hours of lab work a week, you couldn’t complain. Of course, the exciting part of the whole ordeal was the name attached to it, “Stark,” not that you had ever met him, but it was nice to have a unique feature like that in such an impressive student body.

So here you were on the first day of your third year of university. You lived off-campus, about a five-minute walk from the Stark Tower, but a twenty-minute subway ride to your campus. However, having an 882 square foot space to yourself was really nothing you could truly complain about despite the distance. The studio apartment being yet another benefit reaped from Stark Industries. Thank you Tony Stark, the unseen benevolent God in your life.

Typically you would start your mornings off quietly and in no rush, a shower, a cup of coffee, maybe some studying before heading off to your campus, but your phone had other plans for you today. Instead of your alarm going off like it was supposed to, you were woken up by the sound of a particularly loud car horn, and oh how grateful you were for that. As soon as you were jolted awake you shifted to grab your phone and turned it over to see an alarming 8:40am glaring back at you.

Holy shit. You were late.

You scrambled out of bed nearly face planting several times in your hurry to get dressed and only barely ran out the door with everything you needed at 8:47am.

By the time you managed to get to the subway and clamor onto the right train it was already 8:55am. Out of breath and panicking, you considered your options. You could explain after class, you could shoot an email, there were a plethora of things you could do but none of them seemed to justify being late as a third-year to a level 500 class. You had googled all of your professors while registering for classes as was common practice. You couldn’t find a RateMyProfessor on Professor...Parker? You were pretty sure it was Professor Parker, but you do remember seeing on the STEM department page that he was currently a Ph.D. student, so you could only hope that as a fellow student he would be at least a little understanding towards your lateness.

You stood outside of the lecture hall huffing and trying to catch your breath at 9:32am, psyching yourself up, you pushed open the door to the class and attempted to go unnoticed. The class was in a lecture hall despite being only composed of around thirty students, so if you were lucky maybe nobody would even see-

“Ms.(y/l/n), I presume?.” Shit.

“Professor Parker?” Shit.

“You are aware that class starts at 9am, and not 9:30am, would this be correct Ms.(y/l/n)?”

“Yes, Professor, it’s just that I had an emergency.” The lying route. Not exactly the highlight of your academic career.

“I regret to inform you that I only take valid excuses Ms.(y/l/n), please take a seat, and next time, don’t bother disrupting class halfway through the lesson.” Fuck. You mustered a quiet “ok,” and a small nod before escorting yourself to the back of the room, thirty-something eyes following you until you sat down.

You couldn’t focus for the rest of the class, it was just too embarrassing, time moved forward but you couldn’t help but be stuck on what had just happened. For the first ten minutes after sitting down you felt like dropping out of the whole class out of sheer fucking humiliation. This was of course before you reminded yourself that this class was a requirement to graduate in your field of study. You quietly bargained with yourself before sighing quietly and settling on the conclusion that Professor Parker was just a dick. A dick who certainly didn’t deserve the satisfaction of you switching out of his class. If he wanted to be like that, you decided, you would simply return the favor.

“I know, Ms.(y/ln), why don’t you tell us DeBroglie’s equation?”

“With pleasure, Professor Parker.” Yeah, you’d return the favor alright.

“Ms.(y/l/n), you stay.” Fuck that. You looked the other way and feigned ignorance as you kept making your way towards the door. About to leave, the door shut on your face.

“What the fuck!” You jumped before turning around and you felt your face heat up.

“Ms.(y/l/n), please refrain from using profanities in my classroom.”

“I’m sorry Professor Parker. I was just startled.”

“Mhm,” he took his glasses off and laid them on his desk, “Just don’t do it in the future Ms.(y/l/n).”

“Of course. My name is (y/n), by the way, Professor Parker, you can just call me that, actually, I prefer that people refer to me by (y/n).”

“Rest assured, I’m aware of your name, Ms.(y/l/n). My name is Peter, but you can continue to call me Professor Parker.” You could have sworn that you saw a ghost of a smirk on his lips. He knew what he was fucking doing, asshole. You held back from rolling your eyes into the back of your head.

“Of course, Professor Parker.”

“As you know, Ms.(y/l/n), I did request that you stay after class.”

“Oh? I sincerely apologize Professor Parker, I really didn’t hear you.”

“I’m sure, Ms.(y/l/n).” Fucking. Dick.

“Well, what exactly did you want Professor Parker? I do have another class soon.” Professor Parker narrowed his eyes at you in obvious distaste before reaching behind himself into a bin underneath his desk and pulling out a stack of papers,

“These are the handouts you missed from the beginning of the class. Textbook requirements, syllabus...Crucial information to have if you care to succeed in my class Ms.(y/l/n).” So coldly, so maliciously, Professor Parker placed the stack into your arms.

“I take my work very seriously, Ms.(y/l/n), I do my part as your professor so I only have the simple request that my students do the same.” You nodded feeling your face heat up again.

“Of course, Professor Parker, it won’t happen again,” you said with a tightlipped smile.

“Mhm,” Professor Parker turned around and began shuffling around some paper and without giving you a second glance said, “You are dismissed.” You nodded and hurriedly made your way out of his classroom. Of course, you had lied. You didn’t have another class until late in the afternoon. So you called your coworker instead,

“Hey, Harvey.”

“(y/n).”

“Wow, okay, don’t get too excited.”

“Sorry, just woke up.”

“Tsk, the early bird gets the worm, Harvey.”

“I don’t want a worm.”

“Fuck you. I’m headed to the lab, can I expect you?”

“Yeah, yeah.” You had been working with Harvey for around four years now, he was quite the impressive specimen, having attended MIT and graduating Summa Cum Laude at age 20 was no easy feat, he was closer to Tony Stark than you would ever get, he was quite personable, and you couldn’t deny that he was quite good looking. You’d never tell him that though, he didn’t need another ego boost. Besides, you had some connections of your own.

“Hey, (y/n).”

“Banner!”

“Can we expect Harvey today?”

“Honestly, not sure.” You both knowingly smiled at each other before you made your way over to what he was working on,

“Do you ever get bored here?”

“With you and the other idiot always running around? How could I?” You laughed,

“No, seriously, like wouldn’t you rather be doing nerd shit with Tony or something? Isn’t it a little tiresome babysitting us?”

“Tiring? Maybe sometimes, but not nearly as tiring as doing ‘nerd shit’ with Tony. He’s exhausting,” Bruce smiled at his own joke, “I don’t mind playing babysitter at all kid.” He fiddled with the handle of a mug that read, “Don’t be so Na Cl,” which you had gotten him a year back as a joke, but he still used it.

You really loved Bruce for all he was. Since losing your family back in 2012 during the battle in NYC, you didn’t really have any familial figures. But since landing this internship you found yourself with a parental figure again, and you would never be able to put into words how much it meant to you, so you didn’t. Besides, you didn’t want him to feel pressured about it, especially after everything he had been through himself. Frying half your body and losing the love of your life in such a short span of time was really nothing less than horrifying. Yet, here he was, smiling, laughing...You loved him for it.

“First day of junior year? How was that?”

“Shit.”

“Huh?” Bruce stopped tinkering with the device in his hands and looked over at you, “I’ve never heard of a course being too hard for (y/n) (y/l/n), what is it? Aerospace? Quantum?”

“No, just one giant dick.”

“Pardon-”

“My professor, he’s a fucking asshole.”

“Ah, I see. If he’s really harassing you (y/n), I don’t mean to overstep, I really think we should alert administration, what’s his name?” Bruce took a sip of his coffee.

“Professor Parker,” Bruce choked on his coffee, “Oh my God, Bruce, are you okay?”

“Yeah-” he said, still coughing, “Just a little too strong.”

“Okay, are you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bruce caught his breath, “What did he do kid?”

“He’s just a dick that’s all.”

“You sure you don’t want me to do something about it?”

“Yeah, it’s fine, I don’t know what you could do anyways. Thank you though.”

“Actually, you’d be surprised.”

Sitting at your desk stressing over school work at 3am, it was nothing out of the ordinary for you. Everything appeared ordinary. The ordinary cup of tea, the familiar glow of your computer, and a morning chill creeping through your window. It was all so breathtakingly normal until there was a rap on your window. You took an earbud out of your ear, certain you were just hearing things, you looked to your window. Holy shit.

You opened your window wide so that he could crawl in.

“(y/n)?”

“Mr.Spiderman.” Still too in shock to fully process the situation you started to take in the scene in front of you,

“Please, it’s just Spiderman.”

“Oh-Oh my God, what happened?” Head to toe the suit seemed to have blood seeping through, tears in the body of the suit revealed gashes and a bullet wound.

“Bad guys. I know this guy-said he knew a medical student close by, you are (y/n)? Right?”

“Y-Yeah, but I’m really just a student, I’m not really a prof-”

“This guy, he said you might as well be.”

“I don’t know Mr.Spiderman, really, maybe I could take you to the hospital though.”

“-Spiderman, it’s just Spiderman, listen, (y/n), you know I can’t go to a hospital, it would ruin this whole secret identity thing I got going on here, and this guy, he’s probably the smartest guy I know, so if he says you can handle it, you can.” You swallowed and nodded,

“Yeah-” you wring your hands together, “Yeah-Sorry, let me go get my first aid kit.”

[imjustwritingg]

maybe it was fate: chapter 2

Thank you so much to everyone who has read and sent love for this story! It really means so much and I hope you enjoy this next chapter. Happy reading!

Chapter 1  ||  AO3  ||  FFNet

She wakes with her heart pounding in her chest, a sheen of sweat covering her skin and her body shaking. She takes deep breaths and tries with everything she has to regulate her breathing and bring herself back to reality, telling herself it was just another nightmare. That she’s safe in her bed. That she’s okay.

It’s been three and a half years and despite the work she put in during therapy from back then the memories still invade her mind and make her toss and turn when she least expects it. She blinks her eyes against the slight darkness of her bedroom and glances over at the half open curtains hanging over her bedroom windows. The sun is just beginning to rise.

She reaches out a hand for her phone charging on the nightstand next to the bed and squints at the brightness of the screen when she checks the time. She groans out and drops the phone back down in its place.

It’s almost seven. Her alarm isn’t set to go off for another thirty minutes, but she kicks the covers off anyway and swings her legs over the side of the bed. It’s not like she would be able to go back to sleep even if she tried. She stretches her arms out and rolls her shoulders, bones cracking as she does, and then she stands from the bed and heads for the bathroom connected to the bedroom.

She takes a shower as hot as her skin will allow, trying to scrub away the remnants of memories that suffocated her in her sleep. By the time she steps out of the shower stall the bathroom is filled with a thick cloud of steam and her skin is red and tingling. She dries herself off and pats her hair dry with a towel before she pulls a brush through her messy blonde waves, and then dresses for the day.

It’s only when she grabs her badge and gun from the locked drawer of her nightstand that she notices how quiet it is throughout the house. Almost too quiet. She clips her star to a loop of her jeans and then makes sure the safety of her gun is switched on before she holsters it to the left side of her waist. She grabs her phone and stuffs it in her back pocket before leaving the room and heading downstairs.

When she enters the kitchen she can’t help smiling gratefully at the sight of a post-it sitting on top of the coffee machine.

All ready for ya. Just hit brew. See ya tonight. xx

She presses the brew button and grabs a mug from the cabinet above the machine. As the smell of caffeine hits her nostrils and the sound of dripping coffee begins to fill the silence around her, she steps to the refrigerator and glances at the calendar sheet for that month held in place with a magnet.

She surmises the quiet house and the post-it note to the fact that it’s Thursday, and remembers how Tuesdays and Thursdays are early days for the time being. She runs a hand through her still slightly damp hair and then pulls the door of the fridge open to grab the half and half. The machine beeps a moment later signaling to her that the coffee is ready and she quickly makes up a mug before returning the creamer to the fridge, and then taking a seat at the island. She sips on her coffee for few moments until the silence envelops her again, a little too tightly, and she can’t help thinking back to what shook her awake.

The light is blinding when she cracks her right eye open. She attempts to open the left, but groans out at the pain that shoots down the side of her face when she tries. The recognition of the fluorescent lights above her makes her realizes she’s in a hospital and before she can stop them, the memories of how she got there begin to fill her head.

The case and being undercover. Booth on top of her, hitting her over and over. Garrett.

“Hailey?”

She hears his voice from beside her and forces her good eye to open completely to see him sitting next to her.

“Garrett?” She mumbles.

“I’m here babe. I’m here.,” he assures her.

She feels his fingers cover her hand and she hates the way she jerks back, flinching at the contact of his warm skin on hers. She watches as he pulls his hand away and leans back in the chair he’s sat in to try and give her some space, and then his eyes meet her good one.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe,” he tells her.

She has to remind herself that it’s him. That he wouldn’t hurt her. She reaches her right arm out towards him and opens her hand palm facing up at him. He gives her a small smile before placing his hand in hers slowly, carefully, not wanting to scare her again.

“Do you remember what happened?” He asks her a second later.

“Mostly, but some of it’s fuzzy. The party and we were in the office and Booth - he was hitting me, there was yelling,” she says.

And then the details of what transpired in that same office hit her and she’s having trouble breathing. Her body begins to shake and tears form in her right eye.

“He was - he - did he?”

She can’t say the words, but he can gather what she’s thinking and he shakes his head at her quickly and gives her fingers a gentle squeeze.

“No, no he didn’t.”

She blows out a deep breath and tries to calm herself down, and feels him squeeze her hand again as if he’s pulling her back to him and anchoring her in place.

She remembers the fleeting moment back in the office when she thought she saw his scruffy bearded face above her and it’s her who squeezes his hand then.

“You were there. You stopped him from - I thought I was dreaming. You got him?”

He nods slowly, confirming her thoughts.

“Tell me what happened.”

“I went to find Ty. He was passed out in a bedroom upstairs. I was barely gone five minutes. I came back downstairs and the office door was locked. Had a bad feeling.”

“He must have locked it. He kept hitting me and I just wanted to sleep,” she says.

Garrett nods at her, confirming her suspicions again and she notices the way his jaw clenches and the apple of his throat bobs as he swallows.

“I kicked the door down. Saw him trying to pull your jeans off and you were bleeding and completely out of it. All I saw was red. I lunged for him. Scotty came in a few moments later, pulled me off of him and took him out of the room.”

“Does he know who we are? Where is he?” Hailey asks in a panic.

He shushes her immediately, trying to calm her down and leans in closer to her. “He’s in jail. We got him and most of his crew on the meth distribution. He can’t get to you.”

It sounds so simple the way he says it and she wishes it would be enough to make her feel better, but it doesn’t. All there is, is disgust and anger and pain. So much pain.

Her body is aching. She can’t open her left eye or lift her left arm. Her throat feels like it’s on fire and she feels as though someone is beating the inside of her skull with a baseball bat.

“How bad is it?” She asks, needing to know, and she hears him sigh in some sort of pain of his own.

“Fractured left wrist. Your left eye is swollen shut; the doctor called it a blowout fracture. Piece of shit hit you really hard. Bruising on your forehead, under your other eye, your chin, handprints around your neck, and a split bottom lip. You got a pretty nasty concussion too - the doctor was worried about a brain bleed earlier, but all your tests came back okay.”

She sticks the tip of her tongue out to her lip and winces at the residual taste of copper and the onslaught of discomfort. She can feel the stitches with her tongue and pulls it back into her mouth.

“How long have I been here?” She wonders.

“Four days. Serge already called it. You’re on leave for at least eight weeks until the doc clears you and you pass a psych eval with flying colors.”

If she could roll her eyes she would, but all she can muster is blowing out a breath of annoyance.

“What about the case?” She asks because despite her current location and situation, she’s still a cop and she has a job to do.

“Given the circumstances, Rafferty made the call and decided to leave your name out of things. He convinced the DA too, so that your cover isn’t blown with any of the other unknown players. It’s been passed off to narcotics and organized crime. You won’t testify Hailey, you can’t. As far as any of those bastards know, Kelly went back home to Iowa after everything went down.”

“So what? We just pretend the last four months didn’t happen? Pretend that party didn’t happen?”

“Hailey.”

She can hear it in his voice the way he breathes out her name in a near whisper. The worry. The fear. And she knows.

“You made that call. Not Rafferty.”

It’s not a question or even an accusation. Just a simple statement of realization, but it only fuels her annoyance and then it quickly turns to bubbling anger. She pulls her hand out of his and gives the tiniest shake of her head in disbelief. She watches him out of her good eye as his eyes leave her for a moment to look at the floor. He leans back in the chair and uses his now free hand to run it over the back of his head.

He takes another deep breath and then his eyes are back on her. “Do you really want Booth or any of his contacts knowing you’re a cop? You’re safe this way, Hailey. You stay alive this way.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make Garrett!” Her throat screams at her in protest as she raises her voice, her words cracking with her exclamation.

He shakes his head at her as he stands from the chair and starts to pace back and forth from the end of her bed to the window at the other side of the room. They’re both stubborn to say the least and the gravity of the situation and stress of the last few months mixed with the events of the last week are ready to boil over.

He stops mid-step in the middle of the room and turns to face her again. She’s only seen him cry once in the last few years they’ve known each other, but here he is looking back at her with his shoulders sagging and his eyes glazed over in some resemblance of defeat and anguish and frustration.

“You’re damn right I made the call Hailey! Because I knew you wouldn’t. Because you’re my partner and the woman who I’d kinda like to spend my life with. So yeah, I made a call that would keep you with me and keep you safe. And if that makes me selfish or possessive or it pisses you off, I gotta tell you I don’t really care as long as it means you don’t end up with a bullet between your eyes.”

She knows he’s protective over her and on some level knows he’s right too, but she can’t help the way her body jolts at the volume of his voice and makes her recoil just a bit further into the pillows behind her.

“I would have - “

“No, you wouldn’t,” he tells her with another shake of his head. “You wouldn’t have. You would’ve seen this thing through until the end, until you ended up dead. I know what he did to you, what he was going to do to you, and I hate the guy too, but I couldn’t let you fall down that rabbit hole. He doesn’t deserve anymore of your time or energy.”

“I can’t just forget about it.”

“And I’d never ask you to Hailey. All I’m asking you to do is let the department push the paper on this prick and you just focus on you. Focus on your recovery, on healing.”

He makes his way back over to the side of her bed and takes a hesitant seat on the edge of it. He reaches an arm out, extending his hand to her, but she doesn’t take it and instead keeps her hands firmly placed in her lap. She shakes her head slowly, not wanting to further aggravate her pounding head, and looks up at him.

“Can you go?”

“Hailey, - “

“Please, Garrett. I just need to be alone right now.”

He sighs and drops his head, and stands from the bed begrudgingly. He leans down over her and kisses the top of her head, whispering “I love you” into her hair.

She gives a short nod of her head in recognition of his words as he takes a step back and walks to the door. She feels his eyes on her, but she can’t bring herself to look at him, and then he’s gone.

The vibrations of the phone in her pocket brings her out of her thoughts and she reaches back for it, seeing her partner’s name on the screen. She quickly swipes to answer.

“Upton...”

XXX

Of all the cases for Intelligence to get pulled into that day it had to be one where initiation day for gang bangers meant the gang rape and murder of a teenage girl.

By the time the team tracks down the offenders they find them dead and castrated, leaving each member of the team in a simultaneous state of relief and shock. The rapists were gone, but now they had to find their murderer. It was a grotesque turn of events that turned their offenders into victims. The world could cruel be cruel sometimes.  

The team chases it down though. They find another girl who had almost been brutalized in the same way and with the help of one of Antonio’s CI’s they’re led to a neighboring sisterhood gang. They have the CI set up a drug deal with the gang and wait it out, and can only hope their lead pays off so that they’re able to close the case and put it behind them.

Hailey and her partner have been sitting in the truck for nearly an hour waiting for the deal to go down, but nothing had popped off yet. Jay sits in the driver’s seat as he usually does and Hailey takes up the passenger seat, both looking out over the dash through the windshield and surveying the scene around them.

She can feel her partner’s eyes on her, has been feeling them on her on and off since they started their stakeout, but he doesn’t say a word to her and she’s grateful. The early morning events that had her struggling to breathe and remembering her own traumatic past, and then finding the bloody body of a teenage girl a few hours after had her mind reeling throughout the day. She couldn’t say she wasn’t relieved when her and her team had found the bangers dead though. It was a sweet return of karma that would have had her smiling if they weren’t now trying to run down the person or persons responsible for their deaths.

She’s so lost in her own thoughts that she doesn’t hear Jay calling her name. Only when he places a hand on her shoulder does she respond and it’s a reaction of flinching so hard she bumps her elbow against the window of the door. He pulls back fast, holding both of his hands up at her in a surrendering gesture.

“You good?” He asks with worry dripping from his voice.

She’s not sure when her breathing picked up or when her heart started beating relentlessly in her chest, and she has to remind herself where she is and who she’s with. She gives a quick nod in reply, but doesn’t say anything.

“You sure? You zoned out on me. Look like you saw a ghost.”

“I’m good,” she says finding her voice and offering a small smile to assure him.

He looks at her curiously as if he doesn’t believe her and rests his hands in his lap. “I’m sorry for freaking you out.”

“It’s fine. Guess I just got distracted,” she tells him.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Hailey shakes her head and smiles again. “I’m good. Just these cases ya know? Hard to handle sometimes.”

He nods because he does know. Between his years serving in the army and serving on the police force, he has seen his fair share of evil and wrong doings. Maybe too much.

“Antonio’s CI said three o’clock right?” She asks him then.

He knows she already knows the answer to her own question, it not being lost on him the way she attempts to divert the conversation, but he doesn’t call her out on it. Instead he takes a quick sip from the cardboard cup of lukewarm coffee he’s got sitting in the console between them before he turns to look back at her.

“Yeah, which means five, maybe six if we’re lucky.”

“Well if you’re looking for punctuality don’t date a CI. Or an Italian for that matter,” she tells him with a smirk and getting a response of raised eyebrows from him in the process.

“I dated a guy from Rome once,” she supplies.

Jay shakes his head as he looks at her, a smile of his own peeking out from the corner of his mouth. “Ya know, we’ve been partners for almost six months now and the more I learn about you, the more I realize I have no clue who you actually are.”

“Good, my plan is working,” she smirks again. Her blue eyes are shining again and smiling feels a little easier now that she’s not caught up in her own thoughts and memories. Her conversation with Jay being a good distraction and she’s grateful.

“Antonio’s plan though, I’m not too sure. Girls are tough to flip,” Hailey tells him a moment later.

“Tougher than boys?” Jay asks.

“Way tougher,” she says.

“So women are more loyal than men?” He presses.

Hailey turns her head and stares back at him with a sure look in her eyes. “Absolutely.”

Jay gives a short nod, taking in her words as a comfortable silence fills the cab of the truck. She thinks over his previous words of how long they’ve been partners for and she’s suddenly taken aback in disbelief. It’s only been six months of them working together, but some days she could swear it feels more like six years.

Jay Halstead had quickly proven to be a great partner to her, had become an unexpected friend, and he was damn good police to boot. She hadn’t been too sure of how things would work out when he got mixed up in dating a drug dealer just a few weeks into their new partnership. She had given him a not so subtle ultimatum of having to find a new partner if he wasn’t going to go to therapy and take it seriously after everything went down. It was the sort of tough love he needed at the time, but he heeded her word and put in the work of facing his own demons and working on himself and opening up to her in the process. It made them a strong pair of partners. It made them better.

There’s a sudden churning in her stomach as she remembers the things he doesn’t know about her and what she carries with her each and every day. The sacrifices she’s had to make and the things she keeps so close to the vest, the secrets she’s been holding back. She realizes she might not have been as good of a friend to him as he’s been to her over their short time working together as she recognizes the knot that’s taking form inside of her is feeling a lot like guilt. There’s a fleeting moment where she wonders if she’s the one who needs to try therapy again.

She doesn’t have time to fester over it long though because Antonio’s CI finally arrives and the drug deal goes down. She clears her mind as best she can and forces herself to focus on the task at hand. They have a house to raid and a murderer to find.

XXX

By the time the case is finally closed and she makes her way home, it’s a little after eight at night and Hailey is exhausted. Her bones are aching, desperately in need of another hot shower and the comfort of her bed. She turns the key in the front door, pushes it open, and is immediately greeted by the smell of food. She sighs in grateful relief as she closes the door behind her and locks the deadbolt. She pulls off her jacket and hangs it on a hook on the wall, and then kicks off her boots in the entryway.

When she enters the kitchen she spots another post-it on the door of the microwave.

Dinner :)

She smiles at the note and catches a glimpse of light coming from the living room. She makes her way through the kitchen to the living room and leans against a wall, crossing her arms over her chest. Her eyes land on the couch where someone sits cross legged with a thick textbook in their lap and several notebooks scattered open around them.

“You and your post-it notes,” Hailey teases from the wall with her arms crossed over her chest.

“You love ‘em,” the other says without missing a beat and not looking up from their lap.

Hailey pushes herself off the wall and steps further into the living room, dropping down to a chair and folding a leg up underneath her.

“How was your day?”

Hailey shrugs. “Pretty bad case, but it’s over now.”

“I’m sorry babe.”

Hailey shakes her head. “Tell me about your day. More studying I see.”

“Damn bio midterm. My professor has it in for me I swear.”

“Vanessa, you’re one of the smartest people I know. You’re gonna do great just like you always do,” Hailey tells the young woman.

The brunette looks over at Hailey and grins back at her, her brown eyes shining. “You’re the best hype-woman, ya know that?”

Hailey returns the smile, but shakes her head again. “I only speak the truth.”

Vanessa waves her off, blushing at the compliment, and nods her head towards the kitchen. “You should eat. I bet you haven’t done that yet today.”

“I swear sometimes you’re more like my mother than my friend-slash-roommate-slash - “

“Just go eat, will you? I hate dealing with a hangry Hailey.”

Hailey scoffs as she stands from the chair. “I do not get hangry.”

Vanessa just hums knowingly in response, returning her attention to the book in her lap. She looks up again a moment later when Hailey calls out to her and points above them.

“I’m assuming she’s asleep,” Hailey says.

Vanessa nods her head. “You know how the early days go. They wipe her out.”

“Yeah,” Hailey says quietly with a nod of her own. “Thank you for dinner.”

“You’re welcome,” Vanessa tells her and then she goes to leave the room.

A beat passes before she hears, “Hey Hailey?”

The blonde turns back around to face her friend, a curious look on her face.

“You can’t do this forever ya know?”

“What’s that?” Hailey asks even though she’s sure she knows what’s coming next.

“Hide her from the world,” Vanessa says simply and a look of something mirroring regret washes over Hailey’s face instantly.

“I know,” Hailey tells her. She takes a step back and lifts a hand up in a short wave. “Goodnight.”

“Night,” Vanessa calls back before burying her face down into her schoolwork again.

Hailey retreats back into the kitchen and heads for the microwave, but the idea of food no longer excites her. She just wants to sleep and ignore the feeling of guilt that starts churning over again in her stomach. She blows out a deep sigh and opens the door of the microwave. She pulls out the Tupperware container waiting for her and moves it to the fridge, grabs a bottle of water for herself, and then heads up the stairs.

She stops in the hallway outside of a closed door just two doors down from her own bedroom. She opens the door carefully, being as quiet as she can be, and steps inside. There’s a nightlight on one wall casting a soft yellow glow throughout the room and a twin sized bed against the opposite wall.

She makes her way to the side of the bed and immediately feels the stress from the day begin to roll off her shoulders as she looks down at the little girl burrowed under blankets and sleeping soundly. She can’t help smiling at the sight of messy blonde curls splayed out on a pillow and the stuffed teddy clutched under a little arm.

Her mind goes back to Vanessa’s words and her earlier thoughts of her partner, how she hasn’t been as forthcoming with him as he’s been with her, and she lets out a quiet sigh. It’s been six months of keeping certain parts of herself closed off, of keeping secrets from her partner and fellow team members, and she wonders if maybe she can actually trust him – them, with the most important thing in her life, with the biggest part of her.

Hailey pushes the thoughts from her mind for the time being as she brushes a finger over the little girl’s cheek, and then leans down to press a gentle kiss to the child’s forehead.

“Mama loves you,” she whispers.

[myhockeyworld87]

Ruined - Jamie Benn - Part 5

Word Count: 5,690

POV: Reader and then switches to Jamie

Warnings: Language, but that’s about it, at least from what I can remember

Notes: So I just want to thank everyone for their patience with me as I took some time off. I’ve still been writing, so hopefully you’ll see your favorite stories pop up here and there. Happy reading!

Sidenote: Also (Y/NN) = Your Nickname (Y/LN) = Your Last Name

READER'S POV

 "I'm sorry what did you just say?" you asked Emma, as you had to have heard her incorrectly when she said that you should get under someone in order to get over Jamie. "Because, you were there in high school, that didn't work out the best for me."

"That's not what I meant."

 "But it is what you said, that I should just go hook up with some random guy. Em, I love you, babe, but I am not going down that path again. I do not need to be known as the doctor that sleeps around."

 "Oh my god, would you shut up for one minute?" You went radio silent, after she practically yelled at you through the phone, though you suppose that your voice had gone up maybe a decibel or two. "I didn't mean for you to go fuck some rando at the bar. Actually, I meant…and hear me out before you say anything," she paused and you had a feeling that you weren't going to like what she said next no matter what it was. "I think you should sleep with Jamie."

 "WHAT!?!"

 "Yeah, that was a little loud. I think you might have woken up Caleb. Shh, go back to sleep babe," you heard her mumble to her husband.

 "I'm sorry but are you crazy? Maybe I called you too early and you're not fully functioning without coffee. Or should I call Dr. Kaplan and have him examine you."

 "Your neurologist, friend? No." She sounded a bit indignant at the mention that she needed her brain examined for suggesting a thing, but really what were you supposed to think when she made stupid remarks like you should go sleep with Jamie. "I asked you to listen before you passed judgment on me. God, you think you were a judge instead of a doctor so something."

 "Well, you have my full attention. So please explain, before I have you committed to the psych ward." She scoffed at you, which only made you say, "You know I can medically do that."

 You could almost hear her eyes rolling through the phone. "Yes, but who would you call this early in the morning when you have a problem." She had a point. "Exactly. Now, let me explain. You and Jamie never really resolved anything. He said things, you got upset, he never answered the phone, so you broke it off with him, yadda, yadda, yadda. You get my point." It seemed a whole lot more complicated than a few yaddas. "But there was never any closure for either of you there. It just sort of ended." Emma was right about that, after hearing that he only was seeing you for sex, you didn't want to speak to him at all. "It was obvious then, that he still had feelings for you, even if you didn't want to see it. And don't kill me here, but I think it was obvious that you still had feelings for him as well, and that maybe you still do." You didn't exactly know how you felt about Jamie at the moment, but waking up in his arms did feel right. "Let's face it (Y/N), you've compared every guy you've ever been with to Jamie."

 "I have not." Had you?

 "Ok, we're skipping all the douches in high school, because you and I both know you never slept with any of them. Yes, I know what everyone said, but I was also your best friend and I know you. The worst you ever did was give Carter Williams a blow job behind the bleachers after a football game." Oh, Jesus, she did not need to go down this road listing all your sexcapades from high school or after that. "I'm talking about Bryan, the perfectly good looking, studying to be a heart surgeon, boyfriend that you gave up for no other reason then you said he wasn't tall enough."

 "I did not break up with Bryan because he wasn't tall enough and you know it."

 "It was a factor, along with his hair not being dark enough and you hating his sense of humor."

 "The man made stupid heart surgeon jokes that not even anyone in the cardiothoracic department got."

 "True, but you also told me he was lousy in bed, and I believe that was another complaint you had about Tomas, Dylan…oh and what was his name…you know the one you said that you had to use your vibrator the minute he walked out the door because he couldn't get you off."

 "Isaac," you told her and there was a blush creeping to your cheeks. Suddenly, you were regretting Emma being your best friend.

 "Yes, Isaac. If I remember correctly that happened more than once with him. How you kept him around for four months is beyond me. You're a doctor woman, you can show him where the clit is, you know? Just take his hand and place it…"

 "Thank you, Dr. Emma, I know where my clit is."

 "But he didn't," she let out a bark of laughter that was so contagious you had to join in. Once you both calmed, Emma came right back at you about Jamie. "Look, he was your first love and maybe the sex wasn't as great as your sixteen-year-old mind remembers. Maybe you just fuck Jamie and that's all it is, a fuck, or maybe it's more. At least this way, you won't be holding him on some pedestal like he's a Greek god or something."

 Maybe she was right and you'd been holding on for fourteen years thinking that what you and Jamie had was this truly magical once and a lifetime thing when in reality all it had been was sex. Let's face it, what your sixteen-year-old self thought was love could've been nothing more than lust. "I never thought he was a Greek god."

 "Please, I was always envious about how you had this romantic first time. I mean mine was in the back of Kyle's jeep, and before you say anything he didn't know where the clit was either."

 You both giggled again, but then you had to remind her of how things had ended. "It wasn't romantic when he said those things about me."

 "He was sixteen (Y/N). I'm not making an excuse, but it's time to build that bridge. Maybe he's changed, maybe he hasn't. I'm not saying for you to give him your whole heart. I'm just saying, find out if what was there, was truly that once in a lifetime love or was it just this idea that you've been holding on to."

 "But what if…" you stuttered while Emma waited for you to continue. "What if…I still love him, and he breaks my heart, again."

 "(Y/N), that's the chance we all take when we open our hearts to love. You don't think that I felt that way with Caleb? That sometimes I still don't feel that way." She sighed. You could tell she was struggling with how to put her feelings into words. "He could walk out the door and leave me here alone, and my heart would break into pieces, but the love I have for him is so much greater than that fear." She made it sound so easy, but all you could remember was how completely hurt you'd felt when things had gone wrong with Jamie. "I know you're scared, and that's why you've closed your heart off for so long, but (Y/N) I promise you the minute you open it back up, your life is going to be even better than it is. And maybe it's Jamie that deserves your heart and maybe it's not, but you'll never know if you don't try."

 "I know," you whispered weakly, for you really did know that. If it wasn't Jamie, it was going to have to be someone eventually, because you didn't want to be alone forever. It was just that gnawing fear in the back of your mind that Jamie would hurt you again as he had before. "I just don't want to break into a thousand pieces again."

 "You won't (Y/N), and if you do, I'll be on the first flight to Dallas to help you pick them up." She would be, you knew that for sure because you couldn't ask for a better friend than Emma. "And I'll kick his ass as well." That made you laugh considering that Emma was five foot four, and Jamie was just over six foot. It would make for an interesting matchup, but you knew that Emma would take him down no matter the size difference.

 "Thanks, Em."

 "I just want you to be happy, (Y/NN); happy and in love, and I just have this gut feeling that Jamie can make that happen." There was only one way to find out, and that was to open up more to Jamie. It wouldn't be easy but after this little talk, you were willing to try. "Now, enough about this, because you're going to follow my advice. So tell me how everything else is going? Do you like work? Is it everything you thought it would be?"

 "And so much more." You spent the next fifteen minutes catching up with each other before she kicked you off the phone to go make rounds at the hospital. Despite not having that many patients of your own at the moment, you were still looking after all of Dr. Lundin's. It was about three o'clock in the afternoon when your phone rang, Jamie's name popping up on the screen. For a minute, you thought about not answering it, but then you remembered your conversation this morning with Emma and quickly hit the accept button. "Hey, Jame."

 He seemed a bit startled that you answered. "Oh, hey (Y/NN). I was just giving you a call about a couple things."

 "Ok, what's up?"

 "Well, first off, I found your dress in my bathroom this morning."

 "Oh shit, I totally forgot that I left it in there." You'd laid it over the tub last night when you changed, something that you did at home all the time. You had every intention of picking it up before you left, but then you'd fallen asleep and well, it kind of got lost in your mind as you freaked out over possibly having feelings for Jamie.

 "It's no biggie. I hung it up in my closet." He paused as if he'd said something wrong. "Just so it didn't wrinkle anymore." Well, look at him being all domesticated.

 "Thanks, that's sweet of you. I'll stop over and get it sometime from you."

 "Oh, ok or I can bring it over. Whatever is easiest for you. I also wanted to see if there was a good time to reschedule that visit to the AAC? We kind of didn't get to go over my map too much last night. Plus, my artistic skills are a little rusty."

 You'd forgotten all about the tour, but it would be a good excuse to spend some more time with Jamie to see where your feelings were. "Let me check my schedule." You switched him to speaker and flipped over to your calendar. "Oh, I'm headed to Jessi's tomorrow night to take her stitches out, so that won't work. Um, let me see about the next day."

 "What about tonight?"

 "Oh, tonight?" You weren't sure if you were ready to face him just yet, but a little voice, that sounded an awful lot like your best friend, told you there was no time like the present. "Yeah, I can do that. I was just getting ready to leave here in about ten minutes. What time were you thinking?"

 "Whenever I'm free the rest of today, so if you just wanted to come straight here; that's fine."

 This was really not the timeframe you wanted. You hadn't even taken any time this morning to do anything special with your hair or makeup, as you'd spent too much time talking to Emma. Though it wasn't like Jamie hadn't just seen you with drool on your face, wearing his sweats and your hair a complete disaster. Anything would be an improvement over that. It was that thought that had you saying, "Sounds good. I'll see you in about twenty minutes then."

 "Ok see you soon." You hung up and then quickly went to add at least a bit of lip gloss and mascara to your face.

 It was about twenty minutes later that you were pulling into your garage and then walking the short distance to Jamie's. This time foregoing parking at his place. He opened the door before you even had a chance to knock. "Hey, (Y/N). How's it going tonight?"

 It seemed like a loaded question when he was standing there dressed in a pristine white dress shirt, his chest hair peeking out from where he'd undone the first couple buttons. Suddenly, your mouth went dry. When you were sixteen, Jamie didn't have a hair on his chest. Well, maybe there were one or two that he was awfully proud of, but they really didn't count. This was just another sign of how much he'd changed and grown into the man that stood before you today. You'd hoped he'd changed in other ways as well. "Much better tonight. My feet are all ready for you to give me the grand tour."

 "Alright, then let's head out." He had his car in the garage, so you followed him through the house to the SUV. In true Jamie Benn fashion, he came over and opened the door for you. It was something he'd always done when you were younger, as his mom had instilled those gentlemanly courtesies in him. It was weird being in the car with him again. Part of you kept waiting for him to grab your hand and hold it like he used to and you found yourself glancing down every so often at his large fingers gripping the gearshift instead of your hand.

 He pointed out different landmarks as you passed and told you that despite what the navigation system said this was the fastest way to get to downtown from your house. The two of you chatted the whole entire time, while the music played softly in the background. "So, you're going to want to use this gate." Jamie was saying right as his playlist changed to a song from the movie Frozen.

 "So, are you are an Anna or an Elsa fan?" you teased.

 "What?" It was then that he realized what was playing, and quickly changed the song. "I have that on here for my niece."

 He pulled into the players' parking spot, "Uh huh, sure Jame. Admit it you like the movie." He shut the car off and you both got out.

 "I may have watched it with Soph once," he said sheepishly and your heart warmed at the idea of him sitting there with the little girl watching one of Disney's hit movies. You always knew that he would make a great dad, and having that song just proved it.

 You were walking side by side now and you couldn't resist dancing around him, while you sang the lyrics. "Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore." You were walking backward not having a clue where you were going as you continued. "Come on Jame, sing with me. You know you want to…Let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door."

 "Stop," he chided but had a grin a mile long on his face.

 You twirled around him another time, hands dancing along his arm. "I don't care what they're going to say," you belted out; the words echoing off the cement walls around you. "Let the storm rage on…"

 "The cold never bothered me anyway." Jamie sang finally joining you. You bouncing up and down as he sang with you, not paying attention as your eyes were focused on him and not where you were going. He reached out and grabbed you right as you started to trip on a large cord that was behind you. "Careful there Elsa." Your hands went to his chest, your palm resting where his heart was racing, as his slid around your waist and pulled you in close to him. Pressed up against him, you couldn't help the urge that came over you to kiss him; he was just so close, and his eyes were smiling into yours, and it felt like the perfect moment to test the waters out. So, you slid your hands just a little further up his chest, and you raised up on your tiptoes so that your lips were mere inches from him, and then your watch chimed again; the damn thing reminding you to breathe, and the moment was lost.

 You dropped back down onto the balls of your feet but still kept that smile plastered on your face. "Thanks for saving me Olaf," you said and tapped his chest, before stepping out of his embrace.

 "Olaf? I was thinking more Kristoff."

 You tapped your finger on your chin, looking him up and down. "You're right, I was wrong. You're definitely Sven."

 "The reindeer?"

 "I knew you've watched that movie more than just once with your niece."

 You were finally at the door, and Jamie was entering a code to get into the building since there wasn't anything going on at the AAC today. "Ok, you got me, but really Sven?"

 "What's wrong with Sven? He's sweet, kind, lovable…" Shit the moment the word came out of your mouth you wanted to take it back. Of course, Jamie was lovable too but you weren't sure you were ready to be the one loving him. There was too much uncertainty in doing that just yet. You coughed trying to cover up the slip of tongue and then added, "He's also oddly quiet when there are people around. Kind of like someone else I know."

 He raked his hand through his hair, an action that your fingers longed to do. "I'm only that way around people I don't know…and the media." You knew this about him, of course, because you'd watched a few of his interviews. His answers were always clipped and short, which sometimes gave the impression he was standoffish, but then he would throw a little comment here and there and the real Jamie would come out. "But anyhow, we should be getting on with the tour."

 "Lead the way."

  JAMIE'S POV

 Had she really just called you lovable? Moreover, had she just been about to kiss you? That damn watch of hers kept beeping at the most inappropriate times and it was maddening. Something had changed since she'd practically run out of your house this morning. You weren't sure what, but she'd definitely let her guard down some, and you were all for it. You knew it was going to take baby steps to get back into her heart, but those steps seemed to be coming more and more frequently and you weren't complaining.

 You were surprised when (Y/N) agreed to the tour tonight, for you thought for sure that she'd avoid you at all cost after you had fallen asleep with her on the sofa last night. It was the last thing that you intended but she had felt so right in your arms, that you'd just let yourself get caught up in the moment. God, she looked so adorable this morning, hair messy, with her cheeks all rosy from sleeping on you, and then how she was wearing your sweats; there was nothing that you wanted more than to see her like that every day for the rest of your life. Baby steps, you reminded yourself.

 The tour around the arena went pretty well. You showed her everything that you could think of, ending the tour in the training room, just as you had the other day. She was taking everything in, noticing that Dave and his crew had implemented all the ideas she had talked about the other day. "Everything look ok?"

 "Oh yeah, they did an amazing job." She was opening drawers and checking supplies.

 "Well, I guess that's the end of the tour then." You glanced down at your watch to notice that it was almost six o'clock. You were definitely going to hit rush hour traffic. "If we head out now, it'll probably take us an hour to get home. Maybe a little less, if I hurry."

 "Oh, do you have to be some place?"

 "Um…no. Why?"

 "Well, you're all dressed up, thought maybe you had a hot date or something." There was a tremble in her voice that usually wasn't there, and you had to wonder if she asked the question in hopes that you weren't seeing anyone.

 "No, no hot date. I actually…" Shit, now it was your turn to get all tongue-tied. "Well, I mean…I thought we could have dinner downtown here and really celebrate your big surgery."

 "Oh!" There was a bit of shock in her voice. "I mean last night was perfect. You don't have to take me to dinner, after everything you did."

 You raked your hands through your hair again. It was a bad nervous habit, that served as a distraction while you tried to think of something to say. This time there was nothing clever that came to mind. "What if I want to take you to dinner?"

 The corner of her lip picked up on the right side of her face, that was the first sign she gave, telling you that she liked the idea. It got you excited that she might just agree, to the plan you had, but then it seemed like she was getting into her head, as she took a moment to think about your offer. "You know what?" It wasn't really a question, so you remained quiet. "Dinner sounds amazing, but only on one condition." You cocked a brow at her, silently asking what that was. "I get to buy."

 "Oh no, I asked you out." Oh shit, that came out wrong, you didn't mean it to sound like you'd asked her out on a date, that for sure would scare her away. "Besides my mom would kill me if she found out I let you pay," you quickly added hoping that it would cover up your blunder.

 "Hmm," she mused. "I guess we'll just have to see who has the quicker hands when the check comes then." That sure sounded like a yes to you.

 "You're on, but I plan on winning."

 "We'll see," she said as she headed out the door of the training room. "Now, let me see if I can remember how to get out of here." She led the way out to the car and you only had to direct her one time, which was pretty good considering it took you a week to find your way around the place.

 The restaurant was one of the finest Dallas had to offer, and one of the main reasons why you didn't want (Y/N) paying, though you were sure that wouldn't deter her from trying. Being that you weren't sure if (Y/N) was going to say yes to dinner, you didn't have a reservation, though when you slipped the maître d a hundred-dollar bill and your name; you were suddenly shown the nicest table in the place, one that was quiet and out of the way. Conversation between you and (Y/N) flowed easily, as did the wine, though you made sure not to drink too much as you'd be driving the two of you home. It also helped you grab the check when the waiter brought it at the end of the night.

 "That's not fair." (Y/N) chided as your long arms reached out and snagged the leather pouch out of the man's hands, who looked a bit taken back by the action.

 "You said whoever had the fastest hands."

 "Yes, but I clearly had more wine than you, which limited my ability, and now I'm convinced you did that on purpose." She was always so adorable when she pouted, but right now you just wanted to kiss those pursed lips and you were having a hard time holding yourself back from doing just that.

 "One of us needed to drive home, but you didn't protest when I poured that last glass."

 "Well, it clearly didn't help my motor skills that's for sure. Though please mark it down, that I am paying next time." Next time? So, she planned on going out with you again. You were making more headway than you thought.

 You decided to forge ahead while she was in such a good mood, as you were coming close to running out of excuses for the two of you to get together. "And when would this next time be?"

 "Um, I'll have to check my schedule, but maybe I could cook you dinner next week. You know as maybe a thank you for helping me." She sat there across from you with this shy little smile playing across her lips. The look all too tantalizing, for it was doing things that it shouldn't to your nether regions.

 "Dinner at your place huh? Sounds like an offer I can't refuse." You paid the bill and then the two of you headed out. The drive back was fun, as the two of you continued with your flirtatious banter the whole way home. When you turned onto your street, disappointment reared its ugly head as the night was coming to an end. You wanted to spend more time with her. Hell, if you were being realistic you want her to fall asleep in your arms again so you could hold her all night long. You pulled into the garage, then got out of the car to help (Y/N) out.

 "Thanks for everything today, Jame. Including dinner which I was supposed to pay for."

 "You know I can run some drills with you to sharpen your hand-eye coordination if you want." There were also some other drills you'd like to be doing with her in the bedroom.

 "Well, I may just take you up on that." The two of you were standing in the driveway, not knowing how to end the night. If this was truly a date, you'd walk her home and maybe kiss her, but would she smack you if you tried that now? "I should be getting home. Thanks again for everything." She started down the drive, walking at a leisurely pace.

 "Hey (Y/NN)," you called out and she turned back towards you as you trotted up beside her. "Can I walk you home?" She gave you a curious look, and it did sound rather funny considering she lived only two doors down, but you weren't ready for your time with her to end just yet.

 You were just about to stumble through how it was just for safety, when she said, "Sure." You smiled at her and the two of you started the extremely short walk to her house. "You know, tonight was a lot of fun."

 "Yeah, it really was." You wanted to say it reminded you of old times, but you didn't want to bring up the bad ones that also went with that. "We should do it more often."

 "I'd like that." (Y/N) was shocking you at every turn tonight and you weren't sure what mystical force was in the air but you prayed that it didn't go away and make her hate you again. A comfortable silence fell over you both, it was one that you had with her long ago, though back then it was as if you could read each other thoughts. Now, you weren't sure what was going on in that complex mind of hers but if it continued to lead her on a path towards you; you weren't going to question it.

 You were just about to her front door, and damn if that didn't feel as if the two of you were speed walking over, even though you were strolling at a leisurely pace. Again, you searched for something so that you wouldn't have to leave her company just yet. "Hey, how's your patient doing? The one who's leg you saved."

 "Really great actually. I stopped in right before I left. He's got a long road ahead of him, but he was in really good spirits today."

 "All because of you."

 "I wouldn't go that far."

 "I would." She blushed at the compliment, as you finally made it to the front door.

 "Well, this is me." She said with a cute little smile and a shrug of her shoulder.

 There was really nothing more you could say to keep you at her front door, so you found yourself saying, "I guess my duty is fulfilled…now that you're safe at home and all."

 "So it seems." Was that a hint of reluctance you heard in her voice? Was she as sad to see the night end as you were? "Thanks again, Jame. It was fun." She entered the code to get in the house, unlocking the door and opening it. What she did next almost had you falling over, as she went up on her toes and placed a chaste kiss on your cheek. "Goodnight, Jame."

 A smile so bright, it could've lit up all of Dallas, appeared on your face, and she ducked inside right as you said. "Goodnight, (Y/NN)." As soon as the door closed, you pressed a hand to your cheek making sure that what had just happened was real and not something that you imagined. It had been real alright, and you felt like you were fifteen again, all giddy at the thought that the girl you liked, liked you back.

 Thank goodness, you only lived two doors down as you don't remember how you got back inside your own home, but there you were standing in front of the bathroom mirror grinning like a fool as you looked at the spot (Y/N) had just kissed. Now more than ever, you couldn't wait to see her again. Unfortunately, you had no excuse to call her this time or no definite date of when you'd see her again, just a promise that the two of you would have dinner again soon. While you looked forward to that, you wished that it would be happening sooner rather than later. You'd just have to come up with a plan.

 It seemed fate had your back this time though, as the following evening found her knocking on your door. "I hate to do this, but can I come in?" (Y/N) asked as she stood outside in the pouring rain, looking like a drowned rat. Well, maybe not a rat, but a very cute wet puppy for sure.

 "Yeah, sure." You said stepping aside as a loud crack of thunder sounded in the air.

 "I'm sorry to do this, but the code to the house isn't working and I left my phone, and my bag, at Jessi's when I was taking out her stitches." She stood there dripping wet in your foyer. "If I could just use your phone to call her, I'll run back over there."

 "Run? Where's your car?"

 "Locked, in the garage. I didn't realize it was going to storm and had just walked over there. I was almost home when it started."

 "Let me grab you a towel." You went and grabbed one out of the guest bathroom downstairs, then handed it to her to dry off. "I'll call Jess for you, but you're not running back over there. I'll drive you."

 She gave you a smile, before toweling off her hair. "Thank you."

 You went to the kitchen to grab your phone and call your soon to be sister-in-law. "Hey, Jess."

 "Hey, Chubbs, what's up?" Jess replied.

 "(Y/N) locked herself out of the house and I guess she left her stuff at your place. I was going to drive her over so she could get it if that's ok."

 There was silence on the other end of the phone and you were wondering if the two of you got disconnected or something with the storm. "Hmmm," she finally mumbled. "I'm going to do you a huge favor here and tell you I'm not home, even though I totally am."

 "What?"

 "You know I love you, but you're so dense sometimes." How were you the one that was dumb when she didn't make any sense? "Tell (Y/N) that I had to run to a friend's house and you're not sure when I'll be home with the storm. That way the two of you can spend a little more time together."

 "Oh," you said as you finally caught on to her plan.

 "You owe me one. Tell her I'll call you when I get back, which probably won't be for a while." You'd take all the time that you could get with (Y/N). "If you don't answer, I'll take that as a good sign." You could almost see her winking at you through the phone.

 "Thank Jess. You're literally the best."

 "I know," she quipped back, then hung up the phone.

 You went back out to where (Y/N) was standing in your entryway. "Apparently, Jess took off to a friend's house the minute you left. She said she's didn't realize you left your stuff or she would've dropped it off. She's going to call when she gets back, but it's going to be a bit with the storm."

 "Oh," (Y/N) stood there a little shocked, not knowing what to do. "Well, maybe if I go try the code again it will work."

 Another crack of thunder, with streaks of lightning, filled the sky. "(Y/N), you are not going back over there in the rain. Just stay here until the storm dies down. They usually pass pretty quick." But then again, sometimes they didn't and this was one you were hoping would stick around for at least a few more hours.

[rainydayhogwartsimagines]

Uhm hey! I love me some Draco hehe... What about a slytherin reader that's deaf? Both of them knew each other already since she's from a rich pure blood family? And just Draco protecting her from mean people (even tho he is a bully) and just like their relationship throughout the years (without voldemort and those shenanigans pls... I want Draco to be a happy boi, also both of them have cheesy moments like every 5 seconds)

Cheesy and cute? UHM FUCK YEAH MY DUDE

Warnings: Swearing. Obviously.

You met Draco when you were nine.

Your parents introduced each other and Draco said something but you didn't respond to anything.

It confused the kid, why weren't you listening to him? At all?

"And this is Y/n. Our daughter... She's deaf." Your father finally said making it register.

Draco didn't know how to talk to you but you had this journal that you just whipped out.

"I can answer yes or no questions." You wrote down.

He nodded. Okay... "Have you enjoyed your time here?" He asked.

You gave a "meh" response.

"How can... How can you talk to me?" He asked.

You started writing again.

"I read lips." You wrote.

Draco could work with this.

So you two ended up talking all night and you had a ton of fun with him.

Your parents saw the excitement on your face after you left and set up more dinners with the Malfoys.

So Draco started learning sign language. He was able to learn that quick too.

The next time you came over Draco was able to sign his name, ask how you were doing, "slow down" and "I only know a little right now".

You and him became quick friends and Lucius was lowkey grateful to see his son open to up to someone who wasn't Crabbe and Goyle.

When you two were together you'd show visible happiness and your parents were psyched because you hadn't done that before.

They'd tell you "Hey we're going to the Malfoy's" and you'd smile.

Your next few birthdays were spent with them and Draco's were spent with you.

By the time Draco and you entered hogwarts Draco knew how to use sign language almost completely.

You were naturally nervous about going to a place with a LOT of people who most likely didn't know sign language. Draco kept close to you though.

Dumbledore did issue a warning about you that you were deaf so no one would just walk up to you and start talking and be offended by no response.

The sorting ceremony happened and you were sorted into Slytherin and Draco was naturally like "FUCK YEAH MY BEST FRIEND IS WITH ME!" And you were pretty psyched to be with him too.

However a lot of kids who knew Draco were surprised to see him use ASL and so quickly too.

You would sign back and everyone was literally the embodiment of the "???" Meme.

Students around you were confused on how this was a means of communication but went with it.

However there was the added challenge of the fucking passwords on the doors.

They had to basically assign a kid to always be with you so you could get back in to the common room.

Any guesses to who the kid was? If you said Draco then congratulations, buy yourself something pretty.

Draco was always with you and if he was for some reason unavailable, Snape actually would help out.

To everyone's surprise, Snape actually didn't hate your guts

He seemed to almost enjoy your presence and he knew sign language as well so if you needed something he understood.

Course, this gave Harry Potter the wrong idea about you at first.

He didn't get the memo apparently that you were deaf and he was alarmed that you got along with both Draco and Snape.

He watched your every move like a fucking hawk.

And then he saw Draco use sign language and uhm.

He felt fucking dumb.

Harry actually went off and learned it on his own time

Draco was sitting in the library and Harry asked if he could sit with you two.

In sign language.

This shocked both of you because Draco thought he was the only kid who could do that

You nodded and Harry told you he was trying to learn

So Draco and you became somewhat of a teacher for Harry

Hermione, to everyone's surprise, already knew sign language.

She has a deaf Aunt apparently.

Ron learned it too and suddenly all of the Weasley's were interested in learning.

Draco was excited to see you have a friend group.

Like yes: he loved being your friend. But he wanted the best for you and he wanted to see you interact with other people too.

Fred and George would never prank you because that's just a dick move, but my God did they go to you for advice and alibis.

You didn't mind it either

When you were all able to go to Hogsmeade, Harry wanted you to meet his Uncles

You were down but also worried that they wouldn't know sign language

But apparently Harry had wrote to them like "Hey uhm guys, I met someone cool but they're deaf, can you learn sign language"

James already knew how to do it because Sirius's go to excuse was "You're deaf and I'm blind" when he did something... Not so legal

Sirius learned it from Remus

Remus learned it before becoming a substitute for Quirrell just in case

Lily learned it because she wanted to know

Peter also learned it from Remus

When a group of adults other than the Malfoys and your parents started talking to you in sign language you actually cried

Draco was panicked and they were all worried until you signed "No one except Draco has cared this much before"

From that point on you were to BE PROTECTED BY YOUR NEW ADOPTED FATHER JAMES

James is literally "I just met Y/n five minutes ago but if something happened to her I'd kill everyone in the room and then myself"

You loved hanging out with these adults and when they invited you for Christmas your literal response was "Only if Draco comes with"

So there you were at the Potter house, Draco next to you the whole time

He loved seeing you happy oh my God

He'd see your smile and it'd make his whole week.

You'd go to bed and sometimes Draco would stay up downstairs and read

Sirius talked to him one night though

"So. How long have you loved her?" Sirius asked.

Draco looked up from his book.

"...What?" He asked.

"How long have you loved Y/n?" Sirius asked.

"How did... You know?" Draco asked.

"Because James looks at Lily the same way you look at Y/n." Sirius told him.

So Draco vented a little bit and Sirius basically told him "Draco. Boy. Just GO FOR IT."

When you all went back to school you had your first wonderful experience with bullies

They tried to fuck with you

Bad choice.

Terrible choice really.

Ron nearly killed them, along with Draco

Fred and George pranked them later with some... Explosives?

Harry jinxed them

Hermione just did the normal thing and REPORTED THEM.

You almost felt bad for those two guys.

You felt glad though that you had this group of people who would go to the moon and back for you

Your parents suddenly had a very crowded house during the summer

But they didn't mind because they all made you happy.

Draco and you would take these walks in the garden though.

It'd just be you and him.

The whole group kind of shipped it and wanted you two to have some alone time.

Draco would talk to you and you'd smile and laugh at some of the things he'd say.

He seemed very happy with you.

Draco would have small moments with you where you'd be cold and he'd lend you his jacket or keep an arm around you.

Fred and George became DETERMINED to get you two together

When the Triwizard tournament happened Draco signed up as a "Meh. Why not"

And got selected...

He was wanting to die internally the whole time he was with the other champions

He was so used to being around you that he would sign when he spoke verbally.

Viktor and Fleur were very confused until they met you.

One day they strolled over to say good luck and there you were, signing.

Then it made sense like "OOOHH HIS GIRLFRIEND IS DEAF"

And the group had to correct them "No no, just friends... For now" "Wait what--" "Shhh Draco, look at the pretty girl"

Then came the first trial with a dragon.

That's the first time the group had heard Draco scream... Like a little girl.

You were on the edge of your seat, very worried though

When he managed to get the egg you were relieved.

He ran into the tent and literally collapsed.

The boy was COVERED in soot and dirt but you didn't care.

You hugged him and he was panting because he just ran a God damn marathon running from the dragon.

But you looked at him and he looked at you and... Well you kissed

Rita Skeeter ate it up and published an article and Draco nearly killed the woman.

She made it sound like he was with you because you were deaf and he pitied you

Like no. That shit does not fly with Draco

Guess what: his father did hear about that

Lucius LAID INTO THAT WOMAN HOLY FUCK

You didn't care though, you now had Draco

He'd always be showing you some sort of affection, playing with your hair while he read, sleeping in the common room with you on his chest

Because you couldn't speak, he would write you little poems and you loved them.

Fun fact: Draco is actually really good at putting up hair.

Whenever you needed to have your hair up for something Draco was the one that did it.

He always had scrunchies on hand and if he noticed your hair bothering you in class, he literally does not care who's watching he'd pull it back and just do it then and there.

Well one day Mcgonagall walked up to you while you were with Fred and George and asked for your assistance

She basically told you that you were needed for Draco's challenge

And so Draco was very confused when you weren't there.

"Where's Y/n?" He asked.

"Mcgonagall said she needed her for something, we haven't seen her since." George answered.

Draco's heart DROPPED.

The second that that shot went off he had no hesitation jumping in.

He was the first one out of the water with you.

He was PISSED that they would do that to a student they knew was deaf

You assured him though you knew what you were getting into when you agreed to help them though and he calmed down a little.

Draco did not let you go though, he kept a arm around you the entire time he was out of the water.

He was scattering kisses across your face apologizing over and over again and you kept signing "Draco I'm okay"

Then Fleur came up empty handed and you were looking at the lake like "DRACO. BABE. DO SOMETHING. PLEASE."

And because Draco would literally go to hell and back for you he jumped right back in.

He came back up with the kid and you were so happy that he did that and almost tackled him right back into the water.

He was smiling and holding you close.

Warming up in the Slytherin common room with cocoa and talking to the group

Slytherins watching you all like "Gryffindors aren't supposed to be in here--" and then all of you plotting their deaths in your heads.

Slytherin just becoming used to them being there.

Try saying no to you. Like truly. Do you want to be that asshole?

Draco asking you to the Yule during the dance course

You nodding enthusiastically and making him laugh before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

Him seeing you and nearly dropping to the ground.

Him enthusiastically signing "YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL"

Your smile not leaving you the entire night

Draco signing "I love you" for the first time

You signing "I love you" back.

Draco going into his last trial and literally screaming like a little girl when that maze seemed to reach out and almost grab him.

Draco running and somehow finding the cup and winning.

You kissed him of course because CELEBRATION BIATCH

Slytherin celebrating but you and Draco slipping away and celebrating with the group instead.

Draco giving the money to Fred and George because he literally does not need more money.

Now that a bigger group knew sign language you were able to take other classes that wasn't limited to what Draco could do

Most of your classes were still with him though but you did enjoy herbology

You were literally the only student who didn't need ear muffs during the Mandrake lesson.

You actually loved herbology

You met your friend Neville there.

And then you met Luna

Both of which already knew sign language.

They were your buddies and you loved being around them

Your final year was approaching and you were taking an extra class but no one knew what for

You wouldn't tell the group, all they knew is that Dumbledore and Mcgonagall were both in on this.

Then there was one morning where the group was eating breakfast.

"Hi." You yawned and everyone didn't think anything of it until they realized.

You just spoke. Like... Verbally.

Everyone lost their shit and found out your were doing speech therapy.

You were a little insecure about your voice but Draco thought it was ADORABLE.

Your last year approached and while you rarely spoke it was still nice to see that you were doing things outside your comfort zone.

So graduation happened and Draco was talking about the future and something very unexpected happened.

You were watching this boy sign enthusiastically about how he loved you to James and the marauders and you just..

"Draco will you marry me?" You asked.

Everyone looked at you surprised and Draco smiled.

He said yes of course and so you got married

You, Fred and George all worked together.

You made their potions and grew whatever herbs they needed

Draco became a healer (I am absolutely convinced he does this after graduation) and starts a push for more accessible options for possible deaf students at hogwarts

You guys have a kid, Scorpius who is fluent in sign language (he's not deaf though)

James is the babysitter. You don't even have to pay the man

Just call him "Hey James we need you to watch our kid"

And he'll show up like "My daughter has called me"

Fred and George love seeing you happy when you work at the shop

Draco will occasionally pop in for a visit during the summer and he'll help out too.

You may have had a couple of mandrake accidents.

You kind of forget that the plants make noise and when you move the baby plants it knocks people out.

But it's okay because you never forget with the adult mandrakes for some reason.

Neville and Luna some times help out with you and you all have fun

Neville always faints for some reason.

"Didn't I give him ear muffs?" "He just fainted." "Again?"

You love to just look at your family when they're over.

Draco, Scorpius, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, James, Lily, Lucius, Narcissa, your mom, your dad, Luna, Neville, Molly, Arthur, Remus, Sirius, Peter... All of them... You loved the crap out of all of these idiots

Yes. They're idiots

But they're your idiots.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “Letting Go.”

Wrote this today, hope you like it, and hope you all have a great day :)

“We have to take him to a hospital.”

His hearing echoed, his ears rang, and his body felt cold and numb. He hurt all over.

“No! That's the last thing he needs right now.”

“Not to be rude but, are you stupid! The last tie i checked, I am the only one here with a Doctorate in actual doctoring.

The world swirled slowly to the left and then to the right.

“Last time I checked I’ve been in his shoes before. You have any idea what they are going to do, they are going to assume he jumped off that bridge on purpose. They are going to strap him down, which is going to make things worse, they are going to bring in psych, who are then going to determine that he should be locked down. That is the last thing this man needs right now, and believe me I have been in his shoes.” he faded out and then back in again.

“Than what do you suggest.”

“You’re a doctor aren’t you, so as long as we have you, he is going to be fine. Let's just get him back to my hotel, but I am telling you the last thing he needs is a noisy smelly hospital room.”

“And how are we going to get him back?”

He faded back in and back out again, “I can carry him.”

“He weights over two hundred pounds.” “Than I will take lots of breaks.”

He faded out again, this time for a long while, waking up only briefly an unknown time later. He was lying, uncomfortably over someone else’s shoulder and staring at the ground as it passed by below him. Little streaks of light dotted his vision from the pain, and he felt back unconscious before he could really understand what was going on.

***

Kier Lindsay stared down at the young man, watching as the strange little alien creature got to work. He had once heard that multitasking was pretty much impossible for humans as the brain was too interconnected to allow for it, but his creature didn’t seem to have any problems. All four of its arms seemed to work independently of each other as it stitched the unconscious man back into one piece. Looking him over the doctor had determined that he had managed to fracture his good leg and some of the bones in his right arm and side, but otherwise he was less injured than they had hoped. 

Then again this was without considering the psychological duress he might be under at the moment.

He grimaced thinking about it.

He had been there before, he had been there and he had hurt a lot of people in the process.

He continued to watch as the alien stitched the other man up with great precision…

Man? 

Honestly he wasn’t much more than a kid, his face was still smooth, unscared by time . Not a hint of white showed in his blond hair, and as he slept, the lines of his face were soft enough that Kier couldn’t shake the feeling that he WAS nothing more than a child.

A child who had had responsibility placed on him far to soon.

To be only in you late twenties and have command of an entire galactic armada.

That was too much to ask for anyone, much less someone like him. Kier couldn’t shake the thoughts as he stared down thinking about how despite technically being an adult for a long enough time, he doubted this man had ever been given a chance to grow up, at least not in the right ways. Turned to the academy at age fourteen, he had been doing adult jobs for longer than most people. He had been thrown into an environment where intelligence and performance mattered but social opportunities were sort of lacking, and then to be thrown right onto the enterprise and into war before trying to recover and immediately turning back to the one group of people that had failed him so badly…..

Adam vir was just a kid, an overly optimistic too trusting kid who had been taken advantage of by the system time and time again. He was like a golden retriever hurt by his master but still loyal enough to come crawling back.

It almost made him sick to watch, but he knew just by looking at him that he would never consider leaving. 

Even if it were for his health.

Kier sighed and sat down by the bed staring at the boy with his chin cupped in one hand.

He had a son about Adam Vir’s age, a boy that was just beginning to pull his life together into some semblance of controlled. It had taken him a lot of mistakes and a lot of experience to figure out who he was, and he ached for the realisation that this man probably never got that.

He knew the feeling all too well.

He shook himself a little, dad mode was something you couldn’t really just turn off, at least not in his case. If there were people younger than him, he felt the automatic obligation to adopt them whether they wanted it or not.

Young people deserved guidance from someone who was older and the more people to do it the better. Lindsay hadn’t seen any of Adam’s family members at the trial, which didn’t necessarily mean anything, but he also got the impression that maybe the had avoided telling them on purpose, which was another red flag he was going to have to discuss with the boy woke up.

If he woke up.

***

He woke up some time later, though he couldn’t have guessed what time. The room was dark aside from the blue light of the TV. A little bit of natural light filtered in from the window, but rain clouds dotted blanketed the sky above. Rain pattered against the window in sheets obscuring the city landscape.

He groaned and tilted his head to the side.

A soft whimper, and something warm and wet ran over the back of his hand.

He tilted his head to the side.

The room was small, only big enough for a queen sized bed, a tv and a small desk. There was adoor to a small bathroom right next to a door that likely lead out into the hallway. The hotel room was small, but clean.

And it wasn’t his.

He turned his head a little further, gritting his teeth against the pain as his bleary eyes fell on the silhouette of a man sitting at the end of the bed. He was slightly hunched forward one hand resting on his knee as he flipped through the channels.

“Adam, can you hear me.’

He turned his head a little further to the right, to where Kril was standing beside him, a look of concern on his face.

The silhouette turned to face him, no more than a balck blob against the light. It was impossible to make out his face.

“Where am I? He croaked

The man stood and stepped forward, stepping out of the way of the TV and allowing some light to fall on the side of his face, “My hotel room, sorry about how cramped it is, but until yesterday I was kind of short on cash.”

Adam blinked, the cogs in his brain grinding to a slow start as he stared at the man’s face, which was familiar but he just couldn’t…

“Cigarette.”

It was the first word his brain could think of to describe the man when he finally recognised him, and in his goggy state it was the only thing he could think of, “Where do you even buy those these days.”

“Lets just say if I could quit my smoking habit than maybe I wouldn’t be so short of cash…. Anyway, how are you feeling.”

“Like shit…. What…. What happened.”

The other man sighed and pulled up the chair from the desk, sitting next to him, “You must have had a pretty bad PTSD attack. Looks like you jumped off an overpass and then rad headfirst into a brick wall.”

He grunted, “that explains a lot I guess….” he paused, “I thought…. I thought I was doing fine. I felt…. Fine and now…” A hand rested on his shoulder, “I know, I understand.”

Adam blinked, squinting at him slightly in the darkness, “Who are you/”

“The name is Kier but most of my friends call me Lindsay. I don’t know why, guess our days in the army just sort of rubbed off on us, now we only refer to people by their last names really.”

“What were you doing at the trial.”

The man smiled a little sadly, “Watching some assholes git their comeuppance, oh, and being awarded about five million dollars compensation.”

It took Adam even longer to digest that, “You….. you’re Steel eye-” The last two words came out as a squeak.”

Lindsay turned on the light by the bed, bathing them both in a warm yellow glow. Now that Adam could get a good look at him, he saw an older man probably in his late forties or early fifties. His hair was steel grey but well groomed, and he had the body of a man half his age. He wore only a tattered flannel rolled up to the sleeves and a white T-shirt. The back and sides of his arms were dotted with familiar circular scars  all with a silver sort of sheen.

And, surprisingly, little silver dots….

Iron eye implants.

He turned his head to stare up at him, “You…. you are one of the five.”

“Yep, we never met during the war but I’ve been watching your career on the news for some time now. Some real impressive stuff kid.” he smiled, smiled and easy smile of someone who actually meant it.

Adam felt a sudden pang of guilt and shame.

For a moment he couldn’t figure out what it had stemmed from, until he realised. This man seemed fine, and here he was a complete wreck.

“How are you….. Ok after all that?” he wondered almost bitterly.

Lindsay shook his head, “Don’t start with that. I've jumped from one war to another my entire life. I have more experience than you.”

Adam went quiet, “So you were fine…. After steel eye.”

The man snorted, “No… no no, not even close.”

“What happened, if you don’t mind me asking.”

The man shrugged, “Lost both my legs in the war, one above the knee and one below. When I got home my family didn’t have enough money to get me good prosthetics, so I was pretty much wheelchair bound for a year or so.” he sighed, “I came back a shell of a man to a family who really needed a father. It was so bad for a time, everyday I thought about just…. Not being there anymore. I didn’t  talk to my wife, I didn’t talk to my kids, and when I did speak I was angry all the time or apathetic.” His shoulders slumped, “For a time, I didn’t have much of a relationship with my middle daughter or my oldest son. I had drug withdrawals so bad I even wheeled myself halfway across town to try and find something…. Heroin maybe, anything that might take the edge off,” He snorted sadly, “I see it as a blessing now that no one would sell to me. I went over the edge drinking, and chain smoking and trying to bum pills off of any doctor I could find. Luckily with regulations on pills these days, I wasn’t given any.”

Adam felt his mouth go dry, “That bad.”

He nodded, “Woke up screaming most nights because of the dreams. For a while my kids moved out of the house because my wife was scared for thor safety.” He held up a hand, “Even during that time I would never have hit them intentionally, but my dreams were getting so bad that I would wake up flailing, and I would jump at the smallest sound. Anything could set me off.”

He sighed sadly, “But my wife bless her soul, is the strongest woman I know.” He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a photograph showing it to Adam with a look of pride so profound  it made even Adam’s heart ache.

What he saw was a nice family. Two younger kids, a teenage boy, and a woman.

She had short black hair spiked up and dark lipstick on, and the look on her face was indicative of someone full of mischievous humor.

“My angel. She stayed by me even though she should have left. I tried to get her to leave, even made my behavior worse at one point to drive her off. She SHOULD have left me, but she didn’t. I had the mot amazing support system. She held me from falling any further into it, and my little girl, my little girl Bethany, that little girl pulled me out by my hair and dragged me back to reality. She was too young to realise how horrible I was being, and she just thought I was sick. No matter how much my wife tried to keep hr away from me, she always came to see me somehow, with ‘medicine’.” 

He smiled, “Generally it was just a tube of baby M&Ms. I refused at first, but she insisted, and the one day I decided to take them just to quiet her down, she told me that I would be all better.”

He waited with pent up breath.

“That night, I slept without nightmares…. The placebo effect is a hell of a thing if a child can convince a grown ass man that M&Ms ar medicine. I woke up and my head had never been so clear in my entire life. I saw what I was doing to them, and to my little girl and to my other kids…. I have never cried that hard in my entire life, but it was just what I needed. Some emotion to break the cycle of anger and apathy. It wasn’t an easy road from there, but I finally got smart and started listening to my wife. Somehow managed to get my kids to forgive me, and from there we worked as a team to get me back on my feet.” he patted the cigarette in his pocket, “This is what remains from those days…. Can’t seem to quit, but working on it.”

Adam was quiet for some time, 

“It was that hard on your family.”

“It was. I am glad they stayed but at the same time I wish they hadn’t been so hurt by me.

He sighed and leaned his head back, “I don’t think that is possible for me.”

A hand turned to rest down on his shoulder, “I know it sounds hard right now but…. I have a theory if you want to hear it.”

He sighed, “Shoot, it's not like I have any other bright ideas.”

“What are you?”

“What do you mean.”

“I mean when all the trappings are stripped away from you, your job and your title…. What makes you…. You.”

He paused for a moment, opened his mouth and then closed it, “I…. Im a….I….” The other man waited, his eyes sad.

The only things Adam could think of were related to his job.

When he was silent for some minutes, the man patted his arm, “All these years of service and you've never taken time to construct a framework for yourself that can survive outside of your job. If you keep defining yourself by what you do and how well you preform than you aren’t going to last. You constantly do everything for everyone else, but why not think about doing something for yourself for once, be completely selfish. Don’t go on vacation because, I bet this will calm me down and make me a better leader when I return, go on vacation because you bloody well want to job be damned.”

Adam opened his mouth to protest, but the man silenced him.

“Even if you love your job, you need breaks from it. You need to set the line to where your job ends and you begin, otherwise you won’t have a personality left when you are done. Take some time to fix YOU before lending yourself to everyone else.”

He rested his head back, “That sounds….. Difficult.”

The man patted him on the arm, “You’ve proven you can do hard things, now is just the time to do another hard thing.”

Adam nodded but inside his head he was beginning to feel a little hopeless. He knew that Lindsay was right. He knew that he was messed up, and everything he had done up to this point was just going to be a bandage. 

And until he was fixed.

He was going to have to give up a few things.

He hated the idea of hurting people like Lindsay had described, so…. So that meant doing something that he wasn’t going to like.

“Do you…. Do you mind if I…. speak with you…. On occasion.”

The man smiled, “I already put my number in your phone if you need me. I work law enforcement now so I might be busy, but if you need my help Ill do my best.”

***

He didn’t want the court’s blood money. He would have tossed it away if he could, but he knew that was just his confused mind talking. Money was money, so he mostly gave it away. Gave it away to his parents for their retirement, and to his brothers and sisters for their kids college funds. He gave some to his brother to get him a better house in a new area, but he kept some for himself. It would have been irresponsible not to buy himself a house, to get himself a place away from his job and the ship.

He didn’t know where to buy it at first thinking that earth was too mundane but anything further out was too far removed. So, he bought a little private property on the moon. It cost a shit ton of money but, he had that in spades now. He only told his family about it.

They weren’t exactly happy with them when he finally told them where he had been. They had wanted to be there to support him, but he couldn’t find t in himself to feel bad that they hadn’t see the pictures and the videos he had been forced to see. He apologized and promised he would do better in the future.

He felt disconnected from himself.

Out of touch.

The crew of the Omen was just as angry with him, perhaps even more so than his family.. The intervening days that led him back to his ship feeling detached was like…. Some sort of horrible dream. He felt like he was slipping backward down a slippery slope and watching the light fade away from him. 

He was scrambling on the rocks but couldn’t find purchase.

Perhaps it was the idea of what he had to do next that hurt  him so much. Hurt him so much that he didn’t want to think about it, but he knew he had to. He didn’t want to but he knew he had to. It was the only way he was going to be able to feel ok about himself, about fixing himself.

Maybe things would change when he finally came back.

Maybe when he recovered, he could change what he was about to do.

And maybe he was about to ruin it forever.

He walked down the hallway of the engineering corridor despondent, like he was watching himself in third person.

He reached out a hand that didn’t feel like his and knocked on the wall of the ship.

A familiar face turned to look at him from her workspace in the dark. Sunny stood and paused to look at him, “Adam, are you alright.”

“Sunny…. We…. need to talk.”

She paused eyes narrowing in confusion.

“Are you ok.” she repeated.

He walked in taking a seat on her work bench and staring down at his hands.

“Is this about, the trial….. I mean yes I am a little mad that you didn’t tell me. Is it because I’m a Drev, is it because it would have looked bad. I know I don’t understand human politics, but maybe….”

He held up a hand, and she grew quiet.

He sat for a long moment fighting himself on the inside,and then forcing himself to look up at her. He could feel hot tears prickling at the back of his eyes though, for some reason he couldn’t get them to fall.

She deserved that he at least LOOK at her.

He felt sick.

He just wanted to throw up. 

This…. This was the hardest thing he had ever done. 

“Sunny…. I… while I was away, at the trial.”

She stared at him slow horror and confusion passing across her face.

“Well, I learned some things about myself. Number one being that, I….. I never recovered from what happened to me. From Steel eye and the war. Ive been bandaging it up for the past few years assuming that I can fix it, but at this point…. I wonder if I ever will.” He took a deep breath and locked eyes with her, “I’m broken, and until I can fix myself…. I think its best if-”

“No, no no no that's not how this works.”

He continued speaking, “I think it's best if we take a break.”

“NO!”

“Sunny I love you but I. I am not Capable of being what you need or deserve.” he stood reaching a hand forward, “I can’t subject you to myself like that.”

She jerked away from his hand, “that should be MY decision it would be OUR decision.”

“Sunny please…. I am so sorry.”

“On my planet, battle pairs fight WITH each other no matter how hard the battle is.”

His voice shook timorous and fading fast, “And on my planet, sometimes loving someone means letting them go.”

[blarrghe]

“Wrapping arms around them when they make breakfast” Dorian x Anders, because I imagine Dorian has NEVER had a lover make him breakfast before (and Anders probably as a cat-shaped waffle iron)

Ok, as much as I love “his boyfriend makes him breakfast and it breaks Dorian” I also like, JUST did that over in my pavellan fic. It was very sweet and all, but consider: neither of these men are functional adults so who the hell is making breakfast? Still, got Anders his waffles. Anyway this directly sequels the last one again, because I’m using prompts to generate this story now I guess, and I’m really invested in this slow burn friends-to-lovers angsty mess now, so this got super long. I’m gonna start posting this as a series on AO3 I think -- also taking title suggestions XD. Thanks for dragging me into this hell :’) Here’s Breakfast:

He told himself that he was just coming along to keep an eye on him. A designated driver of sorts, just one without a car, or driver’s license, for that matter. He showed Dorian to the bar across the street and ordered himself a glass of water while Dorian asked for “the worst swill you have", with a rather large tip slapped on the bartop. He was handed something astringent smelling in a foggy glass, downed it in one quick backwards toss of his head — arching his neck, snapping back again with a shudder — and then he asked to have the bottle. 

Dorian took two more shots before he spoke. “Did you know that there was an author, horror novelist, whose mother disapproved so wholly of her marriage that after she died, she and her husband took their revenge by having sex right on her grave?” 

So. This was going to be an interesting evening. “I did know that, actually.” Anders said. 

“I’m rather a fan of hers, of her work, I mean.” he took another shot, “and of her misbehaviours. Only, do you think it would be too gouache, seeing as it’s already been done?”

Anders coughed. “Because if it hadn’t been, it wouldn’t be?” 

Dorian shrugged, and took a fourth shot. Maker, he’d finish the bottle within half an hour, at this rate. 

“I’m a fan of hers too,” Anders attempted to steer the conversation into something somewhat more...appropriate, “of her work.” He was also a fan of the story, but maybe not at this particular moment. 

“Oh?” 

Anders took a sip of his water, and signalled to the bartender to put a water glass in front of Dorian, too. “I tend to enjoy stories about misunderstood monsters,” he shrugged. 

“Me too.” Dorian ignored the water glass in favour of shot number five. “Of course, she was married to a like-minded soul, I’d have to find myself a willing participant.” 

“Strange thing to put into your dating app profile,” Anders agreed. Dark humour came easy — though he wasn’t entirely sure it was a good idea.  

“Mm. Man seeking man to fuck on father’s grave, must be willing to break cemetary locks and city bylaws. Risk of haunting, serious inquiries only.” 

Anders tried to stifle his laugh. Man seeking man, though. No. Nope. Very terrible idea. 

“I don’t suppose you’d be game?” 

Anders coughed again, his cheeks flaring up, and shook his head. “I — uh — I think that must be against...one of my oaths.” he stuttered, still flushing. 

Dorian took yet another shot, which made six. What in the world was he made of? "Yes I suppose it must be. Or should be, at any rate." His cheeks were a bit flushed too, even in the dim light, but just from the alcohol; evidently the man had no concept of shame, because next he said, "well, it was worth a shot." 

Speaking of shots. "Water," Anders instructed, moving the water glass closer to Dorian, "you should drink some water." 

"Yes doctor." Dorian obliged, taking the glass to his mouth but raking his eyes up and down Anders as he drank down the entire thing. Anders just kept on blushing. 

"I take it you and your father didn't get along?" It probably wasn't the right question to ask the recently bereaved, but he'd nearly failed that psych 101 course he'd taken in first year, and it was a step away from morbid propositions. Void, where was Merrill when he needed her? 

"You met him, didn't you?" Dorian raised an eyebrow, and with quickly failing coordination, poured himself one more shot, while spilling enough to fill another over the bartop. Anders grabbed a napkin, while Dorian threw his shot back without seeming to notice. "My father hated me." He said, once he'd swallowed. 

Tear soaked apologies and an alcohol soaked "celebration" of his death. Anders felt something in the pit of his stomach plummet that was quite removed from the growing pangs of hunger his measly lunch — a granola bar five hours ago — had left him with. 

"I'm sure he didn't —" Dorian stopped him with an ice cold look, intimidating even as he swayed in his seat. Anders frowned, there had been something in that psych course about not sharing your own traumatic experiences with a patient, even if they were relatable. Muddies the waters of who's caretaking who, or gives them ideas, or makes you look crazy too, so they lose confidence, but — "mine did, too." He gave Dorian's arm a tentative pat, and waved the bartender down for a refill of water. Dorian drank it without prompting this time, but his eyes watched Anders again, waiting for more. "Or he must've, got rid of me quick enough." 

"Ah," Dorian leaned back, a little too far, Anders tensed to catch him in case he started to fall, "then I'm an ass. Sorry." 

"No, you're —" Dorian swayed back forward with a bit of a jolt, like he'd forgotten how to stop and needed to grip the bartop to keep level. He reached for the bottle again, and Anders shot a hand out to grab it first. Their hands met, Dorian's falling on top of his over the bottle, and then in an instant Dorian's flew away again. "You're drunk." Anders said. 

"Yes," Dorian agreed, "marvelous." He went back to the water, then cast Anders' hand, still on the bottle, a hopeful look. "Though not to the point where I won't remember any of this miserable day, yet." 

Anders raised an eyebrow, and kept his hand on the bottle. 

"Not that I'm saying I wish to forget you," Dorian's eyes were pleading with him, glossy as they were, "you've been rather kind, really, it's just…" when Anders still didn't release the bottle, he groaned. Then he straightened out his face again, a mask of sensibility that was barely holding: "I'm afraid you aren't seeing me at my best, doctor Anders." 

"Just Anders." Maker, but the sadness behind it all was killing him. You're heart's too soft, Anders, he scolded himself. 

"Anders, then. Quite the name." 

"More a point of origin." Anders explained with a shrug. 

"Yes, the hair rather gives you away. And the complexion." He reached out and slipped two of his long fingers through a strand of Anders' strawberry hair, which was falling in a straggled mess about his temples. Anders flinched, pulling his head back, and Dorian frowned apologetically. "Pretty. You're very pretty." He said. Anders shook his head and rolled his eyes — the man was drunk — but blushed again. 

"It's what the circle gave me," Anders explained the name with another shrug. He wasnt entirely sure why he was volunteering so much personal information to this perfect stranger. Perhaps he felt it was owed, after witnessing the death of the man's father, and all he'd overheard. Or maybe it was those eyes...

"Oh." Another apologetic frown, "and you ran away to Tevinter? Well, you wouldn't be the first." Anders nodded. "Where from?" 

Anders chuckled dryly, "Kirkwall, most recently." 

"Oof." Dorian grunted a drunken sound of disgust, and Anders chuckled again, "how in the world do you manage not to drink?" 

Anders’ laugh grew stronger, he shook his head and took another sip of his water, while Dorian redirected his attention once more to the bottle still protected by his hand, as though just now remembering his plight. "One more, I promise I'll be good." He begged. 

"Speaking as a doctor, I think you've had enough." 

"I thought you were off duty." 

"You're going to make yourself sick." 

"Then it's lucky I'm with a doctor." 

Anders sighed, and poured him one more slightly scant shot. Dorian frowned at the way the alcohol didn't reach the rim of the glass, but threw it back with a grateful sigh. 

“Can I call you a cab, Dorian?” Anders offered, watching worriedly as Dorian gave his head a dramatic shake and swayed a little more back and forth. The bar was emptying out, and last call was coming upon them. He cast a glance at the old watch ticking away on his wrist, mentally calculating how long it would be until he could be at home, in his bed. Not that he minded keeping the miserable man company, quite the opposite, despite everything. He had a pull to him Anders couldn’t quite explain; the eyes again, probably. But the bus came once an hour at this time of night, and didn’t stop at the closer stop, just the well-lit main hub that lay several blocks from his apartment — another fifteen minutes of walking after he got off, so a good hour or more to get home, altogether, if he left now. 

“Is it that time already?” Dorian sounded disappointed, spinning the empty shot glass around on the bar, then with a sudden spark of concern in his eyes he turned his face to Anders, “I’ve kept you too long, haven’t I? How dreadfully selfish of me, I —” he was sputtering a rather pitiful apology, and Anders’ stomach fell again at the sight of it. 

“It’s alright,” he said gently, muscle memory finding the soft smile he used for giving bad news to patients, “your father died today, you don’t have to apologize to me.”

“Yes, father died…” Dorian got a far-off look in those cold eyes of his, and then directed them back at his empty glass, “and you — you had to, I mean, here I am wasting your time when you must be — selfish —”  all at once, his face crumpled, and the guilty muttering gave way to tears. Shit. 

Anders patted his back once, carefully, and Dorian seemed to utterly collapse under his touch, sobbing into the sticky countertop. Anders took a deep breath, and dragged him up again. He tossed a tip of his own onto the bar as the bartender shot them an aggravated look, and hauled Dorian away, draping his arms over his shoulders. Dorian slumped into him, heavy, hunched over, still crying, as Anders pushed through the door of the bar and into the balmy night air, awash with the putrid stench of dumpsters in the alley and the sick coughed up by the bar’s less restrained patrons. It all made him a little homesick. Dorian, hanging halfway off of him, lurched forward like he was about to add his own mess to the stink in the alley, but then he righted himself again, and propped himself up using Anders’ shoulder. Anders took the opportunity to pull out his phone. 

“Where am I sending you?” he asked helpfully. Dorian made another face that seemed to threaten that he was about to be sick. 

“I’m not going back there,” he muttered, less to Anders than to the ground. He wiped at his eyes and sniffed. “Just help me find my car?” 

“You can’t drive.” 

“I’ll sleep in it — I left it in the lot.” 

“No.” 

Dorian pushed himself off of Anders, propelling himself away from his shoulder, and staggered forward a step. Then he seemed to change his mind, or realise he was in no state to walk on his own, and reached an arm out to fall back against the wall of the alley.

“No?” He asked, incredulous as Anders took his arm and draped it back over himself, walking them out of the alley and the stink. 

“I’m not letting you sleep in your car,” Anders shook his head as he dragged the man forward. He was heavier than he looked. Strong, too, if the grip on his shoulder was any indication. “Besides, I can’t risk leaving you in a vehicle, if you did something stupid that would be on me.” 

Dorian snorted, “do you think I’m stupid?” 

“I don’t know you well enough to judge.” Anders answered honestly, which seemed to amuse Dorian. 

“I’m not stupid.” he said, “very, very smart, actually.” he insisted. Anders nodded appreciatively. 

“Alright then, so you see why I can’t just leave you in the hospital parking lot, in your condition.” 

“Mm. Kind of you, but I can think of worse places.” So could Anders, but he shuddered to think what could happen to Dorian if he left him alone like this, drunk and stumbling and wearing the most expensive looking suit he’d ever seen; he’d already flashed his overstuffed wallet far too openly when ordering his drinks inside. “Is there a hotel? I could buy a hotel.” Dorian slurred. 

Anders was fairly certain he’d forgotten a word in his suggestion, but given the suit and the wallet, maybe not. Before Anders could answer, he lurched forward and away from him again, back towards the alley, and into a spasming sort of crouch, retching. 

Anders took an instinctive step back as Dorian gagged and sputtered out a vomit of mostly liquid and bile onto the broken stone of the alleyway, then remembered his physician’s training, and rushed forward to steady him. Between coughs, Dorian swore, and when he finished (miraculously, his suit and shoes were still unharmed), he began to cry again. Anders sighed, and once more feeling a little bit homesick, he breathed out an all too familiar refrain: “well, shit.” he said. 

“Not —” Dorian was stuttering apologetically at him now, “not my best.” He wiped at his tears, swore again, then got up from his crouch and began to stumble forward once more, heading the wrong way down the alley. Anders took him by the shoulders and led him out again. 

“Hotel?” The word smushed out of him with so much drunken misery that Anders felt almost like crying for him, and he sighed again, pulling out his phone. 

“I’m taking you home,” he dialed the number and gave the taxi company their location, then propped Dorian up against the wall of the bar that faced the street, rather than the alley, keeping an eye on his paling face and shaky breathing. 

“What, your home?"  

Anders nodded, “if you choke on your vomit and die in your hotel room, I’ll feel responsible,” he explained as Dorian looked up at him with a perplexed, and dare he say it, even eager look. 

“Very kind of you, doctor Anders.” he said, but before Anders could correct him on the honorific again, he stooped and threw up, so doctor Anders it was. 

——

Dorian all but fell asleep in the taxi, head drooping down into his chest, swaying this way and that as the car rounded the corners, but thankfully he kept from throwing up any more. The luck didn’t hold once they were inside Anders’ apartment though, and soon Anders had him steadied in a kneel over his toilet bowl, getting out the rest of it. Dorian flung most of his clothes off before throwing up this time, wrestling himself out of the suit jacket and tight shirt beneath it, while Anders tried not to be impressed. He had a really remarkable physique, but he was also lurching and coughing miserably into Anders’ toilet, so it was definitely not something to admire. Then he got him onto the couch, set a large bowl on the floor by his head, and coaxed him into one more glass of water before letting him lie down. Dorian offered him another tearful apology, and then tearful thanks, and then he passed out. Anders sat back in a chair across from him for a while, watching as his breathing slowed to a steady rise and fall, ensuring that his head was turned to the side, mouth facing the bowl, in case he was to vomit any more in his sleep, and then he finally, finally, stumbled his own way to bed. 

He woke to the sound of his cupboards banging shut and the kettle screeching to a whistle.

Anders stumbled out into his kitchen to find Dorian standing there with a distraught look on his face, pouring water into two large mugs. He was dressed again, and looking remarkably perfect, actually. Hair all in place and posture all upright once more. The bowl was gone from the floor, too, and nothing smelled off — just a little like tea. 

"How are you feeling?" He asked, suddenly aware of his own shabby pajamas. 

Dorian turned, still looking distraught. "You don't have any food." He complained, "I fed your cat —" Anders looked down to the corner of the kitchen where Ser Pounce's food bowl was, and found Ser Pounce there happily nibbling from a bowl filled to slightly too full, "I hope that's alright. I woke up with him on my chest and he wouldn't stop pawing at that cabinet so I figured…" 

Anders smiled softly, and not in a practiced way, he'd entirely forgotten to check the food bowl when they came in the night before, occupied as he'd been. 

"And then I saw you had a coffee pot, so I was going to make coffee, as a thank you — well, actually, I was going to have some delivered, but I don't rightly know where I am —" Dorian ran a hand through his hair, and he was talking quite speedily, cheeks going just slightly pink "but you don't have coffee. Or anything." 

Now Anders blushed, embarrassed for the nakedness of his cupboards. 

"Anyway, thank you. Tea?" 

Anders nodded, and took the few remaining steps to the counter to grab one of the mugs of still steeping tea; he liked to keep the bag in. He moved from the counter to the couch, cupping the mug with both hands, and sat down. 

"117 Orseck Ave.," he said, "that's where you are. How are you feeling… how much of last night do you remember?" 

"I remember making a fool of myself, if that's what you're asking. And you being uncommonly kind." He paused, "it is Anders, right?" Anders nodded, "is there anything else I should remember, Anders?" 

Anders shook his head, "that about sums it up." 

Dorian chuckled. When he wasn't drunk or crying, it was a nice sound. He leaned against Anders' counter — stunning, how was he stunning after a night like the one he'd just had? "Well, you've certainly wasted enough of your time looking after me, and I can get out of your hair now, but —"  

"— I wouldn't call it a waste of time," Anders interrupted, because something in him always seemed to speak up whenever Dorian went about making statements like that. It kind of had been a waste of his time, Anders tried to protest against that something, he'd lost a great deal of sleep to it, anyway. But somehow the look that his interruption gained him from Dorian was impossible to remain grumpy with. 

"Have you been to Marc's?" Dorian asked suddenly, brightening with a hopeful smile, "since I know where we are now, and its nearby, and you have no food," he went on, "and personally, I'm starving —" 

"I imagine you would be," Anders said, though at the mention of hunger his own stomach took the opportunity to awaken too, noisily. Dorian raised an eyebrow at the sound. 

"Might I buy you breakfast? I feel I owe you that much." 

Anders hadn't been to Marc's. He'd been by it many times, a busy little brunch place, always smelling of bacon and pancakes and with a line out the door. It was a bad idea to say yes to this, he thought, a bad idea to say yes to anything involving absurdly handsome men who just lost their fathers, who were obviously walking disasters waiting to happen (you always had a thing for disasters waiting to happen) — shush. His stomach grumbled again. 

"I haven't been," Anders answered, "there's always a line — and I am on call, I might not have time to —" 

"Oh, we can skip all that." Dorian brushed the protest aside, "so? Don't try to tell me you aren't hungry." 

Anders kicked at a bit of cat hair fluff adorning the edge of his couch, "alright, sure."

Dorian was certainly good at getting him to say yes to things he should know better than to say yes to. If he kept going on like this, the next thing he knew he'd be having sex on his father's grave. 

---- 

They arrived at the restaurant, just a short walk from Anders' building, and yet in a considerably nicer part of town — the new money was creeping in towards his end of things, but where he lived at least was still very much no money — and Dorian walked straight up to the front of the line. Anders hung back, watching skeptically as Dorian performed a series of intricate maneuvers: some charm, a smile, a handshake Anders recognized from Varric — the kind with a bill snuck inside — and then he turned, waving Anders over. 

"We can wait ten minutes for a table, or have our food prepared now and take it outside. Your choice." He smiled. Maker, such a good smile; straight teeth and a brilliantly white gleam. "But you're on call, right? And to be honest with you, the fresh air is making me feel considerably less queasy. Park across the street?" Anders nodded and shrugged at the same time, a gesture that seemed to satisfy Dorian into continuing to take charge of the situation. "Alright then, to go. And fast, if you can. We're both very busy and important." He winked at the young hostess as he was handed two paper menus, and Anders could have sworn she blushed brighter than the checkerboard red on the apron she wore. "What do you fancy?" Dorian asked him, handing over one of the papers. 

It was diner food, but not really. Poached eggs with house-smoked bacon over an heirloom tomato coulis, waffles with Orlesian creme sauce and glazed berries, rare wheat pancakes with apple cinnamon compote and vanilla syrup  — just a few options, all of them coming with a detailed list of decadent flavours. In addition to those few confounding main courses was a fresh juice list filled with exotic fruits Anders had never even heard of, and approximately twenty different kinds of coffee. 

"Uh, waffles?" He said, squinting at the menu, "waffles and coffee?" 

Dorian beamed some more, and took back his menu to point out the waffle dish, as well as several other things, confidently ordering far more food than could possibly be necessary as well as coffee and one of the strange fruit juices while insisting that Anders simply had to try it. The patient employee nodded and hurried away, and not ten minutes later came back with two plastic bags stuffed near splitting with cardboard containers, and a tray of drinks. Dorian thanked her with another winning smile and secretly-funded handshake, and then they were off. 

The park across the street had benches, so they sat on one — finding one in the shade of a great, leafy tree, as even the morning sun was warm. Then, Dorian began a conversation, and the whole thing was far less awkward than Anders had expected. Dorian asked about his work, so Anders described some of it, though he avoided anything too close to topics of death and dying, and Dorian held his gaze while he talked and asked compelling questions. He seemed to be, as claimed, very smart, and the food was practically otherworldly. Then Anders asked Dorian about his work in turn, and Dorian sighed. 

"Well, you're new here, aren't you? How much do you know about Tevinter politics? The intricacies of it all can take a lifetime to wrap one's head around. That's by design; keeps things all tied up with the upper classes who have it in their blood to be intollerable bureaucrats." His air was flippant, but altogether disapproving, which Anders appreciated. 

"I've been here a while now, actually. A couple of years, anyway, I understand it a bit. Political science was always my…'' downfall? "Second passion." He washed down a heaping forkful of creme covered waffles made of pure fairy dust and clouds with whatever exciting fruit drink Dorian had handed him — it tasted like bright green, with a hint of citrus. "I feel people should be informed — active. Healthcare is as political as it is practical." And mage freedom, that was political too, but they didn't have to get into that. Mages were already free in Tevinter. Other kinds of people, however — something bitter bit at the back of his mind. But it was too sunny, and the food too good, for that sort of conversation. 

Dorian nodded approvingly, his eyes lighting up. "Alright then, I'm an Altus. I argue things in circles in the house a lot, these days I've been losing all sorts of friends arguing this Sopperati electorate reformation bill," Anders' eyes widened, impressed. He'd been following the progress of it, a huge step for increased class equality, if it passed. So maybe it was just sunny enough for such a conversation. "but of course it can only go so far without approval from the Magisterium," Dorian went on, a slight growl of frustration colouring his tone, which was appealing in a different way, "and for that we need to convince those with seats in the — in the —'' he stopped, and some of the light fell from his eyes. "I just remembered that my father is dead." He said. Shit. Not a sunny conversation, after all. "His seat passes to me, you see, because nepotism still runs stronger than good sense and he's written my name into all these continuations of his legacy and…" he sighed, and stabbed hard at a piece of brilliantly poached egg, which honestly didn't deserve it, "sorry. It's going to be a very hectic and difficult few weeks, with all the ceremony and paperwork and the whole ordeal of burying him…" he scooped up some of his bleeding egg yolk with a wedge of toast, and went silent in favour of eating, while Anders took an uncomfortable sip of juice that seemed to have lost some of its vividness. "You've been here for years, you said?" Dorian changed the subject, refocusing on Anders. Anders nodded, still awkwardly sucking up juice through the straw of his cup. "I would have sworn you were an escapee fresh from the harbour." 

"Why?" Anders bristled a little. 

"Your apartment. You have no food or furniture," Anders bristled a little more, "and you've never been to Marc's", Anders frowned, furrowing his brow at the impossibly good, impossibly expensive waffles, "and you're too nice." Dorian finished. Anders looked up in surprise, catching Dorian's eye. They were still a bit lost for light, but soft on him. 

"I'm just very busy," Anders shrugged. And very poor, but, well, Dorian probably thought anyone with fewer than a thousand acres of family land was poor, given his status. He didn't need to know the extent of it. 

"Hm," Dorian's eyes were still on him, soft and thoughtful, "what else haven't you done?" Anders shrugged, and Dorian began listing things. Tourist attractions and famed galleries, but also other, lesser-known offerings of the city that Anders had never even heard of. 

"Ferry through the archipelegos?" 

"No." 

"The volcanic sand beaches?"

"No." 

"Dinner at the top of Tidarion Tower?" 

"No." 

And on like that, until he finally said yes to something — taking in a show at the infamous burlesque playhouse in the city's red light district, which elicited an eyebrow raise.

"Priorities, I see." Dorian chuckled, "at least you have good taste." He reached an arm up over Anders' side of the bench, as he finished with his food and slid the box away, very smooth. "I'd have offered to take you. Maybe one of the others sometime, then, if you've a mind." He suggested. Anders could feel his cheeks beginning to run hot again. Still a bad idea, he reminded himself. Apparently sensing his unease, Dorian removed his arm from its perch near Anders' shoulders. "May I say something painfully honest?" he asked. 

Anders swallowed, but he managed a smirk as he replied. "I think we're well past that," he said. 

Dorian shook his head with a dry chuckle, "yes, well. I'm all out of sorts, as you may have noticed." 

Anders chuckled too, but with him, not at. 

"And normally, if I'm to get drunk and go home with a stranger, it all goes a certain way," then he actually winked, which on him was somehow charming and not over the top at all. Anders swallowed again, "and, not that I'm opposed, but, well, as I said: you've been uncommonly kind. I could — I've been losing friends left and right lately, it seems, with this bill, and…" 

"I'm a fan of the bill," Anders said, "in fact I'm not sure it goes far enough." 

The interruption seemed to lend Dorian some more confidence, as though he needed it, "so, pretty as you may be, I could use a, uh —" 

Anders blushed again, but finished for him, "a friend?" He could use one too, if he was being honest. Near everything seemed to be making him homesick, lately. 

Dorian nodded. "If that's not too forward." He said. 

"You fed my cat," Anders replied, "as far as I'm concerned, we're already friends." 

At that, Dorian smiled. He asked Anders his cat's name, and chuckled at the answer, and then they exchanged phone numbers and Anders stuck a little cat next to his own name as he entered it into Dorian's contact screen, which had him laughing even more. Anders offered to put the puking emoji next to Dorian's in return, but he insisted on a snake, because he “had a reputation to uphold”. Then Anders’ pager went off, and he groaned inwardly, wishing he could spend the day in the sun for once. 

“Duty calls?” 

Anders grimaced, and stood up. “Thanks for breakfast,” he said, meaning it. Dorian stood too. 

“You should take the rest — actually, this may be awkard, but I think we’re going the same way.” His car. Of course. 

“You’re going to have a small fortune to pay in parking tickets,” Anders realised, frowning. 

“Oh that’s fine. I have one of those — big, actually.” he winked again, “very big.” Sweet Maker, he just never stopped. 

Dorian insisted on a cab, and then he insisted on paying for it, and then he insisted on Anders taking the rest of their uneaten brunch items to store in the breakroom for his lunch, and then finally he was ready to let him go, with a promise to be in touch. He extended his hand for Anders to shake. Anders took it, holding fast with a sure grip, and then, drawn in yet again by those cool, sad eyes, he pulled Dorian’s arm towards him, and wrapped him up in a tight hug. 

Dorian stumbled back afterwards, cheeks flush, eyes glinting with surprise. “What was that for?” 

“Just seemed like you needed it,” Anders said. 

Dorian was still blushing, and his smile warmed Anders’ own cheeks. “Suppose I did,” he agreed. 

“Take care, Dorian.”

“As you say, doctor.”

[scullydubois]

Only the Light Ch. 11

11/? | AU where Melissa moves in with Scully after Scully’s abduction | angst, msr slow-burn, occasional fluff | currently: Irresistible adjacent | T | 3k | previous chapters | read on ao3 | tagging: @today-in-fic

Emotions run high as Mulder and Scully are reunited after Aubrey and an accidental 'I love you.' Then, Scully gets her blood test results back.

-----------------------

Tapping her foot out of sheer impatience, Scully waits in front of the elevator in the Hoover building’s lobby. She glances at her watch; it’s 9:26am--earlier than she agreed to meet Mulder--and yet she couldn’t keep herself away any longer. She’s among a crowd of other agents, either bored with their jobs or killing themselves for it, and she’d bet her life savings that she’s the only one going down. 

The elevator dings, the up arrow illuminating to indicate its direction. Scully steps backward to let the other loiters slip in. She is left alone. As expected, the basement is not in high demand. Every day she starts off by waiting for the elevator, hoping that maybe it will be her lucky day and that down arrow will light up right away. And every day, she finds herself headed for the stairs like a dejected puppy. 

The heavy door of the stairwell clicks shut behind her as she descends into the building’s darkened depths. She traverses the stairs like she is back at the Academy running drills, trying to prove herself. It’s only one story, nothing much, and she takes it in eight seconds--she counted in her head. 

Her heart rate just a bit elevated and her hair just a bit displaced, she pushes out into the ever-familiar basement hallway. Halfway open, the door collides with something solid and whiplashes her backward.

“Shit!” The exclamation comes from the other side of the door. Scully flicks a stand of hair out of her face and tries again, this time with caution. She peeks around the door, and there he is. She’d believe he was a figment of her imagination if the door hadn’t just proved otherwise. She slips into the hallway, lets the door shut behind her. 

“Mulder,” she practically laughs, “are you okay?”

He kneads his right shoulder. “They’ve got to put a speed limit in there,” he groans. 

“May I suggest not standing right in front of the door?” she muses. 

“Well, considering we’re the only two who ever come down here, I figured I’d take my chances.” He bends to scoop up his key, his injury evidently not so serious after all. He jams it into the lock while Scully interrogates him. 

“How did you get down here?”

“Teleported.” He twists the key, and the lock surrenders.

“I was waiting for the elevator not sixty seconds ago. I didn’t see you head to the stairwell.”

They jaunt into the office, or as they have taken to calling it, their dominion. 

“I didn’t take the stairs,” Mulder tells her. “I took the elevator.”

Scully turns and looks through the doorway as if some fairy godmother will appear to explain it all. “What do you mean? I was waiting for the elevator. It went up. You didn’t get on it.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Scully. I walked up, hit the down arrow, and the doors opened within five seconds.”

“But I-I took the stairs in eight seconds,” her voice high with frustration. “It’s impossible for the elevator to have beat me.”

“You have other redeeming qualities, I assure you.”

“Oh, really?” Scully coos. “Like what?” The more time apart, the more willing they are to walk the line when they see each other. Especially in the wake of accidental I love you’s. 

Mulder props himself against the desk. “We’d be here all day if I dove into it. Rest assured that a conveyor belt built in the 60s has nothing on you.”

A feeling Scully can’t quite identify bubbles in her chest. She smiles, looks away. “I bet you say that to all the girls,” she teases.

“Yup.” He tosses his keys in the air and catches them as they fall back to earth. “I don’t have much success with it...what am I doing wrong?”

Laughter flutters out of Scully, the butterflies in her stomach taking flight. It is a wonderful sound, a more certain version of the girlish giggles Mulder heard through the phone--the ones that followed him into his dreams. His eyes meet hers. They are the color of caramel this morning, she notices, sweet, sweet caramel. 

“You know it’s an hour earlier than we agreed to meet, right?” She raises an eyebrow in his direction. Mulder being willingly early is about as unlikely as catching Bigfoot. 

“I caught an earlier flight. I was going to surprise you, but you see how that worked out.”

“I don’t take kindly to surprises, Mulder,” she drawls, her pupils dilating as she looks up at him. 

“Yeah well, neither does my shoulder.” He rubs it dramatically, then squares himself up in front of her, hands on his hips. Her eyes are level with his lips. The image of her tongue gliding over his mole flashes in her head. It would feel--no, she can’t think about that. Thinking about feeling tends to lead her to some dangerous places. Namely, more feeling. 

The jig up, they snap back into themselves. “So, the case.” Scully plants herself in the chair in front of the desk. “What happened? And how’s BJ? Are she and Tillman going to raise the baby?”

Mulder sighs, swipes his fingers through his hair. “So Melissa is better, I take it?”

“Mulder…” Scully shoots daggers at him with her eyes. “Missy is fine. What happened in Aubrey?”

He sets his elbows on the table and rests his chin atop his hands. “I told you about Cokely, right? The suspect from the 1945 murders?”

Scully nods.

“Turns out, BJ is his granddaughter. Her father was adopted, so she didn’t know. Essentially…” he hesitates, hoping to slip his supernatural explanation into the field report without Scully’s interference. “BJ...she went crazy.” Scully’s jaw locks as she listens. “Genetic memory tends to skip a generation. I think the psychosis of her grandfather surfaced in her.”

Scully stares at the desk, at his hands against the desk, at his rolled-up shirt sleeves. She wants him to be kidding; she knows he’s not. 

“Is she…?” Her eyes plead for the answer she wants to hear. 

Mulder thanks her god that he’s able to assuage her fears, at least partially. “No,” he shakes his head. “But she’s being committed to a psych ward.”

“But she’s pregnant!” The desperation in her voice is about as cutting as Mulder has ever known. 

He softens his voice. “It’s an all-female ward. They’ll take care of her.”

“She’s just a woman, a normal woman…”

Of all the parts of the story he expected Scully to object to, this was not one. “She killed Cokely, and she tried to kill two other people, Scully. Me included.”

“She tried to kill you?!”

He nods, his face a solemn slate. “Tillman saved me. I’m fine.”

“You can’t go alone anymore, Mulder.” She chokes back tears. Mulder leaves his chair and kneels before her, shocked by how quickly emotion has sprung to the surface. “You can’t.”

He frames her shoulders with his hands, breathes words of comfort into her ear--”It’s okay, Scully. I’m okay.”

Her body trembles against him. “Mulder, if you died right now, I’d stop breathing. By my own hand or God’s.”

Mulder is seized with such sudden fear--such distilled awareness of his own mortality--that he wants to lash out, to tell her to never ever say that again or he would go far away and change his name and abandon this life just so that she would never have to hear of his death. Instead, he collects himself.

“I’ve always thought the moments you think you’re dying are the ones where you’re living the most.”

She hides her face in the crook of his neck. It is such a dignified thing to say, so completely Mulder. It tears her heart clean in half. 

“I’m screwed if that’s true,” she blubbers into his shirt. It smells like airport and aftershave. His hands meet her shoulder blades like he’s looking for angel’s wings. She imagines he must be disappointed. He’s not. He walks his fingers up and down her bra straps like a mother might rock her baby. He doesn’t mean it in a sexual way, but as an acknowledgement of what she is--not just a coworker, or his friend, or any ordinary human being, but someone--the only one--who makes him believe in holiness, the single thing he has never pinned his hopes on. 

He presses his lips to her cheek, catches her salty tears on his tongue. Speaking to her skin, he whispers, ”What’s wrong? Why did you leave Aubrey?”

He knows. Of course he knows, she’s known that he knows, but it still startles her to be caught in a lie. She turns her head so that he’s forced to take his lips from her skin. He cradles the back of her head instead, her hair getting caught between his fingers.

She’s told too much of the truth to lie anymore. “Something happened to me during my abduction. They did something to me, but I don’t know what. I’m trying to figure it out.”

She speaks plainly, raw as skin-to-skin contact. Mulder feels as if her sorrows have migrated to his body, burrowed into him, and sworn to stay.

“I haven’t had my…” she sniffles, the fear coming back to her again. “I haven’t had my period since I was returned. That’s abnormal for me.”

He pulls her in closer, like they could become one if he tried hard enough. He doesn’t want to say it, but he knows he has to. 

”Are you pregnant?”

He feels her eyelashes flutter closed against his shoulder. “No, I even got a professional test done. That’s the worst part, something being wrong and having no explanation.”

“I know how you feel.”

She exhales. Her stomach fills then flattens against him. 

“Is there anything I can do?” he asks, knowing that nothing would ever be enough. 

“I think that maybe…” her voice falls quieter. “I think that I should take a leave of absence. While I get this all figured out.”

“Mmm-hmm.” The vibration of his voice box resonates within them both. “That sounds like a good idea.” He is as gentle as if he were speaking to a newborn baby. 

“I am really, really sorry,” she stammers, mouth against his ear.

“For what?” His breath tickles her earlobe. 

“For making you do it alone.” If she weren’t pressed to his ear, he wouldn’t be able to hear her.

“I’m not alone, Scully. You’re a part of me now. I’m carrying a miniature version of you in my head wherever I go.”

She’s crying again, a reflex tapped. 

He continues whispering into her ear. “She’s telling me that there’s a scientific explanation, that there’s no such thing as extraterrestrials, that I’m batshit crazy--” Scully laughs, Mulder smiles. “--and I have to say, she makes a very convincing argument. I’m even starting to believe her, you know, just a little bit.”

He pulls back so that he can see her face. Her brokenness glimmers off of her like a shattered mirror. He wipes her tears away with his thumbs, then looks straight into the reflecting pond of her eyes.

“You are more important to me than any dumb X-file. Even Samantha hurts less because of you.” He was hollow, and she is filling him in. He hadn’t realized that he was draining her in the process. “I want you to be happy, and I want you to be whole,” he affirms. “Whatever you need to do, I’ll support you.”

She wraps her arms around him and nods in gratitude, her nose bouncing off his cheek. She will learn to live in her body again. She will learn to live. She will learn. She will. 

---------------------

Scully made the appropriate arrangements with Skinner and walked out of that basement office indefinitely that night. She had spent so much time pretending she was fine to save face, thinking it was the noble thing to do. That was what she was taught, how could she know any different?

She never anticipated the inner strength that comes from vouching for yourself. From deciding that you are worthy just because you are alive. From owing nothing to no one, unapologetically. She suddenly understood why her sister had always seemed brave to her, so completely okay with disregarding expectations and breaking rules. Courage breeds confidence, Missy remarked when Scully brought this up to her. All you have to do is take that initial leap of faith. 

But it would be a mistake to assume that Scully is truly free now. A person who is in total control of their life does not choose to leave a job they love, however temporary the absence may be. It’s not like something better has come along, an option that brings with it the bittersweet pang of leaving a beloved place for a new adventure. No, that’s not this--this is sacrifice on all sides. 

Her, backing away from the work that keeps her sane and the experience that has made her insane. Mulder, shouldering the blow of fruitless investigation all by himself. Another loss in his stepping stone graveyard. And what about Missy, who has uprooted her life and left the woman she loves to take care of one she shares blood with? Scully has not properly thanked her for that, she knows this. And now...what comes now?

Scully’s stomach folds in on itself. She has not felt this listless since the weeks between the FBI’s offer to join them and her med school graduation, when her heart knew what it wanted and her brain feared anyone finding out. Working yourself to the bone to get a medical degree and then shoving it aside? Her parents would think something was wrong with her. In fact, she thought that something was wrong with her then too. It was Missy who convinced her that changing your mind is the most human trait of all. What is Scully always at odds with if not her own human fallibility? 

These thoughts play through her head from her drive home to Missy’s homemade dinner to the moment she tucks herself into bed. Before her head hits her pillow, she pops open a bottle of melatonin tablets and places one on her tongue. It plunges her into dreamless sleep.

It is a relief, when she wakes up, to realize that she did not dream because this means she did not have nightmares either. Being a captive audience to your own brain gets tiring. Two nights pass this way, their days filled with waiting and research. She cracks the spine of every medical encyclopedia she has looking for clues into her condition. This is the most sensible way to move through life, she thinks, preparing for the worst so that reality will be no more heinous than the depths of your imagination. 

Mulder calls from the office each night before he leaves. She did not ask him to do this, but she is grateful that he does. Their conversations are neither deep nor long-lasting, the perfect salve for Scully’s sudden rush out of their breakneck world into relative normalcy. 

Missy is, unsurprisingly, elated that her sister is prioritizing herself. She even goes for an extra grocery run after work and stocks up on Dana’s guilty pleasures, hoping that the pattern of abstaining may be ending on all fronts. Dark chocolate covered strawberries, Greek yogurt that doesn’t say nonfat on the label, Nutter-Butters. These are things Dana loves but denies herself. Missy has never been more proud to see an empty package of Nutter-Butters in the garbage.

That is how the conversation starts. Dana is on the couch, and Missy joins her. 

“You found the Nutter-Butters. I’m glad.”

“Mmm-hmm,” Scully nods, half-paying attention, half-perusing one of her old medical textbooks. 

“I tried to pick stuff I remember us having in the house as kids. I wasn’t sure if you still liked them.”

“Oh, I do, I just usually avoid peanut butter.”

“Why?”

She looks up from the page for a moment, as if the question should answer itself. “Fattening.”

“Yeah, because that’s something you should be worried about,” Missy jests. 

“Heart disease is the number one killer of American women, and it is tightly linked to weight and diet,” Scully says matter-of-factly. 

Missy reaches over and lifts the textbook out of her sister’s lap. “That’s enough of that.”

Scully smirks, lets her sister close the book and put it on the table. She pulls her feet onto the couch and sits cross-legged. “My test results came back, by the way.”

“What?” The textbook slams onto the table. 

“Yeah, they called a couple hours ago.” Scully rubs her eyes, sleepy from reading. “I have elevated follicle-stimulating and luteinizing hormone levels, but low levels of anti-mullerian hormone.”

Missy raises her eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

“It’s consistent with the results of a menopausal woman.” She says it in her doctor voice, as if she’s speaking of a body she autopsied instead of herself. “I have an ultrasound tomorrow to count my ovarian follicles.” She sighs, her face revealing nothing. “To give an idea of whether I could still be fertile.” 

“My goodness.” Missy touches her sister’s hand. “I think that warrants a hug.”

Scully nods, and her sister pulls her in. Missy’s hugs are like a warm towel after a shower, purifying the cleansed. 

“What time is your appointment?”

“One. But you don’t have to come.”

“I’m coming, no arguments,” she insists. “I have the lunch shift tomorrow, but I can swap for the dinner one instead.”

“Okay.” Scully smiles softly, devoid of any urge to fight. She has surrendered to her fear, and in doing so, has found herself free of it.