#'hey this isn't normal'

[faillen]

now that i've been diagnosed, i keep finding myself at a total loss when thinking about what i could've spiraled out into if i hadn't had a bunch of things line up in perfect sequence out of pure coincidence and luck.

it's not a productive line of thought at all. but i spent years telling myself there would eventually be an end if i just got my shit together. now i know it's not a matter of will, but just straight up circumstance. while i can work around it, and have done so, it's never going to end.

it's scary to think about the version of me who would've hit rock bottom before figuring it out. because she was so convinced that one day it would be over and life would be easier to handle and i'd be normal and at-level.

and it was easier for a long time after exiting college. i thought that was me getting better, but it was just that my coping mechanisms finally had the space to be a bit more effective. i did feel better, mind you, but i was terrified of doing anything that might upset that balance and ask too much of me.

and then the balance was upset even without me choosing for it to happen, and the whole thing fell apart the way that it did in college.

this being the rest of my life is scary in a different way, but at least now i know and i'm not waiting endlessly for an end that will never come. there's no way forward but with it and through it. and so i will move, with it and through it.

[inkskinned]

we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."

[aspenonthecoast]

Oh, my mind Isn't really my friend sometimes I can hear my dreams calling me But all these doubts are haunting me Oh, why's it always right before I fall asleep that

[pancakehauses]

The price of love is loss, but still we pay. We love anyway.

Next to Normal | Donmar Warehouse | September, 2023 Moments lost in the transfer to the West End

📹: @callmelasagna

[thanakite]

The number of times that Myne/Rozemyne is like: I'm doing so well! Everyone is going to praise me for doing so well! I did not fuck anything up this time! Yay! Only for her to get back around her people and for them to just look completely haggard and done and go: ummmmm, so that is NOT what you are supposed to be doing, WTF?!?!?! Is innumerable and yet SO incredibly funny, EVERY SINGLE TIME

[canisalbus]

Your art tastes like aged paper, sugar, and chocolate to me, with a hint of salt every so often

Machete looks like white chocolate, and Vasco's like buttery caramel

.

[gingerrhd]

Inktober 2024 day 10

Been listening to the jello dubs and tbh they're right.

One thing about the postal service, is it's taught me that a lot of adhd and autistic adults have found their home in running the same routes every day and I think that'd suit mae

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Look, I don't have the audio of this interview so maybe there's extra context that was cut out... but it is HILARIOUS to me how defensive he got when LITERALLY no one asked.

[pigeonentity]

ughhhh sorry for the shit image quality. i think click for better quality still applies but its not great either way

anyway! carapace redesign

[nosferatufaggot]

It's cuz you're always on that damn 1996 Doctor Who TV Movie DVD.

[phosphorus-noodles]

doing some research on the vitamins my doctor told me to take. why is every source saying this is gonna kill me dead

[copia]

Cool Cat 🔞 — 3.5k, copia/aurora, temperature play, blowjobs, copia's eternally overheating balls — more tags on ao3

She’d made her excuses to the concerned Ghouls—some of whom knew the plan, all of whom would hear the full tale later that night—and left to fetch the last few ice cubes the building had to offer. The rest, of course, had gone down her Papa’s pants.  Copia pulls his signature move. Aurora decides she can do one better.

for ghostober by @kroas-adtam — day 3: temperature play

[felinelord-bowbeforemepeasant]

I just saw a post say that this look like a family portrait I just giggle a little then come to the realization

IT IS A FAMILY PORTRAIT

But not just any portrait

It a three generation of soukoku family portrait (zenku soukuko->soukoku->shin soukuko)

And each one of them is showing the other half (the dead one) of the duo fukuzawa to dazai but except shin soukuko, there are two of them in the panel so that mean are they gonna survive or.... you know what I mean (or maybe they showing a possibility that fukuzawa and dazai might live) and the portrait is quite focus on the ada here

Maybe I just thinking too much cause the last panel is undecided whether akutagawa Is alive or not so maybe there are two of them there (also because akutagawa turned into a vampire by bram when he died so uh yeah)

P.S: Do you think atsushi is conscious cause his arm and leg aren't healing (so does that mean the theory about how his healing is being based on his state of mind is a possibility)

[hyper-cryptic]

Do u know when wolves do THAT face when another wolf snaps at them. okay now do u understand why Shade's cringefailing

(Warning, ooc. This is an AU.)

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! The AC in my house is like half-broken and I have all the heat tolerance of a particularly sad penguin*, so I could use some advice. I am from a desert area, so I know the stay hydrated, electrolytes, loose clothes type advice, but do you have any advice for handling the heat in humid areas specifically? Also, does anyone have any recommendations for sun hats? Specific sun hats you recommend are what I'm looking for, but if you don't have a specific one an idea of what criteria I should look for would be very helpful too *I say this jokingly, idk how much heat tolerance penguins actually have. I have POTS, salt wasting syndrome, and some unknown autoimmune issue that probably involves my endocrine system? Docs are still working on it but the sum total is I cannot exist in hot temperatures

[nightfal1n]

Good thing about onsen collab is Mina got assigned black color while Kafka is red because by sentai genre code black is mean to be the last to join but make the most impact while also have a strong bond with red asfasfg