#'he looked like a boy' vs. 'you carry yourself well'

[userarmand]

"For a long time he sat in this manner and I could all but feel his thoughts, as if they were palpable in the air like smoke. Not read them, you understand, but feel the power of them. It seemed he possessed an aura and even though his face was very young, which I knew meant nothing, he appeared infinitely old, wise. I could not define it, because I could not explain how the youthful lines of his face, how his eyes expressed innocence and this age and experience at the same time."

Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice (1976)

[mysterycitrus]

All of your Bruce takes are so real and so true. It must break your back having to carry the weight of being the most correct batman account on this website. 🙏🏻 I love your thoughts about Bruce and Dick in particular and I was wondering if you had any thoughts about Bruce and Damian? Something about them is just… oh boy.

that’s very sweet but untrue, anon 🫰

i love damian and bruce's relationship, but it's hard to talk about without mentioning two other crucial people - talia and dick. for my own sanity i only accept damian's conception as a consensual act, so in this context talia is a fundamentally well-meaning person who attempted to protect her son from a violent life, and hid his existance from bruce until she felt he could be safe. damian loves and respects his mother. this is important.

dick, on the other hand, is really the foundation for their relationship. bruce spent like two weeks with this kid before he went on his timestream roadtrip and left everything behind for dick to juggle. contrary to popular opinion, i think it's a real disservice to act like dick taught damian to "be a good person" or like basic etiquette - a more realistic interpretation would be that dick taught damian that he didn't have to prove himself to be worth something.

the robin mantle from the time it was taken from dick has always been about proving yourself to bruce, to justify your role as his partner. always unfairly, mind (think how tim is treated vs. steph, for example), but damian is the first robin's robin. dick isn't a wayne, he's a grayson. there's an interesting point of comparison being that dick is the only robin who had a clear trajectory for his life prior to his parents dying - he was a core member of the worlds greatest acrobatic troupe - but he then left that path to become something else. damian is destined for the bat, but becomes robin instead, serving beside someone who achieved greatness by his own skill and kindness. damian has been told about his father, and here he is with someone who knows bruce better than anyone but also understands what robin means, better than anyone. i cannot emphasise how important i think dick being damian's first batman is for their own development. it's so so crucial to combat damian's perspective on family and blood. it's so important that he has that foundational knowledge of what robin means.

by the time bruce returns, damian has made tangible human connections in gotham. he's not the prickly, reactive kid that bruce first met. he's allowed himself to trust that the people around him have his best interests in mind. he knows that he isn't cared for because he's bruce's son - he's cared for because he's worth loving. his siblings aren't competition for affection or honour. he no longer sees bruce as an omnipotent force, and rather as a man he could learn to love. i think seeing bruce through both talia and dick's persepectives really helps with that.

bruce i think is confronted by the fact that for the first time in his life he can't try and hide behind the "im not really xyz's father" excuse. not that his adopted kids aren't his kids, obviously, but i do think he sometimes tries to lean on that as a crutch so he doesn't get attached (way too late for that lol). he loves damian, and there's a lot of fear about damian reflecting his worst habits, his most self-destructive behaviours back at him. maybe there's some fear about damian's history of killing, and how close bruce himself always feels to that edge. maybe there's misery about missing one of his kids growing up, again, like he's always a second too late to the important moments. bruce and damian are so similar, but this is bruce's second chance to be there. he is thomas wayne, emerging from the alley alive. do u think damian looks like his grandparents?

[pankowperfection]

Payback

Summary: You piss off JJ and he takes revenge

Warnings: dark!JJ, rough sex, bondage, dubcon, hair pulling, 18+

Kooks vs Pogues, a story as old as the island itself. Lucky for you, you've been blessed with the good life. Growing up on the right side of town, never knowing what it was like to not get exactly what you wanted. Nothing seemed out of your reach, except for him.

Every girl in the Outer Banks wanted JJ Maybank, yourself included. You spent many nights toying with yourself, imagining the sharp lines of his jaw buried between your thighs. You always attempted to flirt with him when you were at the Island Club, wearing the skimpiest outfits possible and savoring the way his eyes couldn't resist focusing on your curves.

He hated you, simply because you were a kook and the fact really pissed you off. No one told you no, and you were willing to do whatever it took to get his attention.

Friday night at the club was going as usual, you and your friends sharing countless drinks while you talked about everything under the sun. The more the alcohol buzzed in your system, the more the damp spot in your panties grew from watching the blonde boy.

Everything he did was effortlessly sexy. How could someone looks so hot carrying a tray of cocktails? Your gaze flicked to him whenever possible, trying to stay under the radar of your judgemental friends. They wouldn't understand your obsession with someone like JJ.

Finally, you decide to make a move. "Excuse me, I'd like to speak to your manager." You watched the blood drain from his face, adams apple bobbing in his throat as he schooled his expression before answering.

"Of course ma'am, let me go get him."

Your friends giggle, thinking you just want to cause him some trouble, unaware of your ulterior motives.

"Hi, what can I do for you?" The manager looks stressed, realizing exactly who you were and knowing the implications of upsetting your family.

"Well, you see, the service has been pretty poor. We have to keep requesting another round, rather than our drinks being refilled before our glasses are empty. And I really don't appreciate how Maybank here has been looking at me all night. I want him gone."

The manager sighs, turning to JJ who was standing just behind him watching the scene unfold. "I'm sorry JJ, but you need to go. Can't have you upsetting my customers."

Before he storms off he fixes you with a hard stare, almost a warning of what is to come.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As you stumble into your posh apartment, you don't notice the dark presence in the room. You toe off your heels, leaving them by the door and making your way into the kitchen for a glass of water. As you reach for the light switch, a strong hand clamps down over your mouth. Before you get the chance to elbow your attacker, his arm wraps around your body, trapping you against him.

"Hi sweetheart. You really thought you could get away with that, didn't you?"

Your heart hammers hard in your chest, adrenaline mixing with arousal as electricity shoots through your system. The scent of salty air mixed with something that is uniquely him fills the air, your body responding to how he feels pressed so tightly against you.

"I think it's only fair that I get something in return. A little payback." He forces you to turn, slamming you down onto the cool stone of the island. He quickly ties your wrists together behind your back, thick rope making your skin burn as you attempt to free yourself.

"JJ stop." Your protest sounds weak even to you, battling with your mind about how much your body wanted this.

Suddenly his bandana is in your face, roughly pushed between your lips and tied behind your head. "Shhh. The only thing I want to hear out of you is moans and whimpers. Besides, you don't really want me to stop, do you?"

The rough pads of his fingers trail up the inside of your thigh, your clit pulsing as he gets closer to your core. Your back arches, trying to get his hand where you need him most. He chuckles darkly, pulling away at the last second and leaving you panting for more.

You tense at the sound of his zipper, unable to turn around and catch a glimpse of his cock. He gives you no warning at all before burying himself balls deep inside you in one thrust. You scream at the stretch, sound slightly muffled by his makeshift gag. He's bigger than anyone you've ever had, each twitch of his cock making your walls burn.

"God damn, so fucking tight," he grits out between his teeth. He winds one hand into your hair, pulling hard to make your back arch further while your scalp sears with pain. His thick cock surges impossibly deeper, forcing you up onto your toes as he nudges your cervix.

His free hand grips your bound wrists, withdrawing slowly before slamming back inside. You can't help the loud moan that escapes your lips, the way he feels filling you up driving you wild. He uses you for leverage, setting a brutal pace that makes you see stars.

"That's it cupcake. Not so bitchy when you're drunk on my cock are you?" He lets go of your hair and you collapse onto the marble, band tightening in your stomach as he uses your body for his pleasure.

Broken moans spill from your lips as you teeter on the edge of your high, needing more to get across that line. He stops abruptly, manhandling you onto your back with your legs dangling off the counter. "Wanna see your face when you cum for me, want you to watch my cock destroy you."

The moonlight filtering through the window highlights his sharp features, the sweat dripping from his brow making drool pool underneath your tongue. You wished you could taste him, craving the feeling of his cock on your tongue. He breaks you out of your trance as his hands rake up your thighs, nails biting into your skin and making you bite back a groan.

When he lines up his cock with your entrance, his thumb brushes over your clit. You attempt to plead with him for more, struggling to speak around your gag. This time he pushes in slowly, both of you entranced by how your bodies are joined together.

His thrusts are slow but extremely deep, throwing your legs over each of his shoulders so he can get a better angle. He reaches down and pulls down the bandana before crashing his lips to yours, forcing his tongue into your mouth before biting down hard on your bottom lip. You taste the metallic tang of blood before he pulls away with a grin, tinge of red glinting on his lips.

"J please. I need more."

"Whatever you say princess." He wraps his dominant hand around your throat, pressing just enough to make your pleasure double. The speed of his thrusts starts to pick up, his fingers expertly massaging your clit.

"Oh god, please don't stop." Your legs start to shake as your high approaches. JJ releases your throat at the last second, your cries filling the room as you gush over his cock. He fucks you through it, his pace faltering as you feel him pulse inside you before filling you with his cum.

When he withdraws you wince, slight red tint glistening on his cock from his roughness. He grabs a towel to wipe himself off, silently tucking himself away and straightening the rest of his clothes.

You watch as he heads for the door, panic slowly setting in at your vulnerable position. "Aren't you gonna untie me?"

"Nah - you can sort that out yourself. Next time you fuck with me, I'll make sure your punishment is worse. Oh, and you're mine now. Don't touch anyone else, I'll know."

@adventuresinobx @starkeyobx @paradisehamilton @ailee-celeste @pankhoeforlife @outerbankspov @houseofperfecttaste @drewbooooo @maybankslover @maybanks-luver @blueicequeen19 @toystory2wasjustokay @penny4yourthoughts @maddie-routledge @ilovetheavenger143

[danwhobrowses]

One Piece Chapter 1115 - Initial Thoughts

And we are back from another break

Another sneaky upload while I was coming home from work by TCB, plus other business has delayed me a bit, but now we can get to it

Secrets are pouring out, Joy Boy the pirate

Tell us more, Vegapunk

Spoilers for the Chapter, Support the Official Release too

Back with the Yamato cover story, packing a lunch with Toko and Hiyori

And we're sticking with Wano since even they have the broadcast

They have the flag up as well, Straw Hat territory

Seems they had a Den Den Mushi in Orochi's possessions

Momo muses about Joy Boy being a pirate, having learned about him from Oden's journal

Tama's still there enjoying food too, seems like she lives in the palace now

Shinobu though hasn't 'matured' to her usual look, still looks younger

G4 Base?

Oh fucking...really? XD Demaro Black doesn't miss a hustle

Fake Kid Pirates mein godt hahahaha give it up lad

I mean why would you want to pose as someone who's worth 3 billion? You know how many would kill for 3 billion?

The navy at Egghead are also listening intently to his broadcast, as Vegapunk goes deeper into Joy Boy's past

He's only able to cover from a few Poneglyphs he's had access to (likely the ones Ohara had) but as we expected, a great war occurred; Joy Boy vs the future World Government

Dude was THIS CLOSE to the 'wait, are we the baddies?' moment

Warcury is not happy, as he still chases Luffy and the giants through fire

Mars is pissed too, using his Conqueror's Haki to destroy as many Den Den Mushi as he can find

Vegapunk continues though; of course the WG were just known as the 'Allied Powers' a coalition of 20 kingdoms against Joy Boy's faction - which in itself is a frightening display of Joy Boy's strength, even the superpowers of today could be taken down by a couple countries united, but 20? It took 20!

Alas, Vegapunk doesn't know why the nations were in conflict, just that it was a clash of ideologies, likely control vs freedom, but he chooses not to judge the morality

Zunesha is pensive, as the broadcast emits through Zou

CARROT! We missed you dearie, she's got a fancy Duke coat but she should be in Egghead with the crew ¬_¬

Still, she marvels at Vegapunk noting how Joy Boy's kingdom was advanced beyond even modern science

Oh lord, it isn't just Demaro Black we're bringing up for joke cameos, I know that laugh, I know that headpiece!

Mother Fucking Foxy XD What is that tache man?

Seems it's just him, Porche and Hamburg sailing on a little boat, bandaged up and getting the rumblies

We go back to Stussy, who is contacted by Edison as Kaku lounges in the bubble still

Edison encourages Stussy to drop the barrier, it's useless since the Gorosei could just break through

Feels like you could've called her before diving through the barrier and nearly killing yourself bud

Saturn's also using haki to destroy the Den Den Mushi

Edison puts his confidence in the Straw Hats though

Nami contacts Jinbe, still carrying Zoro - who takes umbrage with him apologizing, since he was busy dealing with Lucci

Nami notices that the blockade is moving to their escape route, encouraging they hurry in her own way

Back to Stussy, she shows relief that the Straw Hats are likely to escape, but without Vegapunk, she wonders what remains for her, she has no purpose

Something Kaku seems pensive about, perhaps even sympathetic, since he can't suggest to her the zoo

Back to V. Nusjuro and Bonney kicks at the Gorosei as he seems to cut Oimo

Not a good landing for Sanji either

Seems V. Nusjuro's not paying full attention to the fight either, trying to use his Observation Haki to sense where the broadcast snail is

Still, he breaks free and slices at Bonney, only for her to be saved by Franky

The slash cuts the figurehead of the giant's ship, better that than Bonney's head, but now she's tuckered out since Distorted Future takes up stamina

As V. Nusjuro leaves the battle and we pan to Zunesha and the Iron Giant we confirm that the void century ended with Joy Boy's defeat

It's not the biggest revelation since the WG rule the world after all, but it also puts further context into all the regrets with Joy Boy and his comrades we have read about in the past

To limit the amount of life signs on the island, V. Nusjuro takes more drastic action, cutting the entire Labophase in half

This causes the CP agents and the bubbled Seraphim to fall to the Fabriophase below

As the Gorosei let gravity try to take those who swore loyalty to them, Vegapunk makes the latest revelation

Sea travel is perilous around the world, it's common knowledge, but a millenia ago it was not; the ancient world, the civilizations that existed in the void century, it's all underwater - they built on top of the ancient world

Also I gotta point out there's some absolutely stunning visual panels in this chapter

Koushiro and the Revolutionary Army also react to the broadcast, only he, Sabo and Dragon appear pensive

Coco Village!? Gen san how you doing! And Nojiko! Still preferred the short hair but she don't care about no global warming she has tangerines to look after XD

Vegapunk continues; before there were vast continents, which'd explain why so few would go out to sea beforehand, and with all of the evidence underwater it explains how the WG can erase a century of history, but it goes deeper - figuratively and literally

Since the void century, the sea has rose 200 METERS!

That's over 600ft; the size of the United Tower, bigger than the Great pyramid of Giza, and that's all Water Level

Naturally, the listeners - the navy - are floored by this revelation, since a Warship is only 60m, but other soldiers tell them to stop listening

There's at least some sense of loyalty - or preservation of cost - for the marines to try and 'rescue' the CP agents and Seraphim from gravity-induced splatter, a la one of their world leaders

Alas Mock Town must mock, there is one among the crowd who isn't laughing though, another one seems to have ignored gravity

Sakura kingdom - mainly Dalton - reflects on the revelation, with Kureha mulling how things continue to get interesting

Oh hey, Miss Goldenweek! Passing by as the island uses a mountain to compare the height

At Water Seven (given the Galley La jacket) Vegapunk discusses how such a thing can occur, and reveals it to have been man-made

Morgans is livid about all this BIG ASS NEWS, having to be shushed by Vivi

Vegapunk continues to show his work; there were no signs, no studies, no science to confirm a natural build up, and if it was natural it would've been made known as a world-altering event

He hints at the use of the Mother Flame, confirming his suspicions

The Gorosei - except Ju Peter, wormy is not getting a lot of love from Oda atm - look furious as Vegapunk continues to note that the sea level rises were caused by the ancient weapons

Those weapons remain dormant, waiting to be used again

And as we pan over to Imu Vegapunk reveals something both horrifying and sobering at the same time: The War Is Not Over

Every island was once a mountain

But time didn't have the influence it should have, Oda has been getting biblical with this lore drop by giving us the common religious theme of The Deluge. Flood myths exist in many religious stories and mythology (which I will keep separate to not ruffle feathers), most common because of Christianity is the flood in the Book of Genesis, which we've already touched upon in One Piece given Noah's Ark. Since we tread nearer to Elbaf it's worth noting that a flood as a role in Ragnarok also;

"the sun becomes black and the earth sinks into the sea, the stars vanish, steam rises and flames touch the heavens."

Once more this was a chapter where Vegapunk's broadcast takes more priority over the things we're seeing, but there are some stunning panels to enhance the revelations, we see also the Gorosei flaunting their haki showing the level they are while the monster trio remain incapacitated or indisposed. I'm at least proud of Franky coming in for some more rescue clutch action, but with Stussy I'm less convinced now that she'll be killed by Lucci, Kaku's silence is loud and maybe, just maybe, they can all see this as a way out. The CP agents are likely not to survive the fall, the Seraphim will and probably will live to fight the Straw Hats under orders of the Gorosei or York, they will likely be used more since the Pacifista are compromised. As for the revelations, a mix of stuff we assumed being confirmed and stuff that theorists have pondered and been vindicated, it's all underwater, which explains the walls in Wano, why Zou is on Zunesha's back (sidebar, how fucking long are Zunesha's legs? like it's gotta be 200m+ submerged alone), and why Water Seven's ruins run so deep.

Still, I enjoyed all the cameos, appreciated seeing Carrot again, and a Vivi cameo is always nice, plus I had to laugh with Demaro Black and Foxy, like who's next? Kuro? Morgan? Krieg? Arlong? Enel?? We have to get to Buggy and the Cross Guild at one point ofc, plus this could be an avenue to reveal the status of Perona, Moria, Weevil, etc.

but outside of that, little progress from the Straw Hats and the incident unfolding in Egghead right now, but given the revelations Vegapunk is giving the Straw Hats time, the Gorosei aren't focusing on them, they're looking for the broadcast snail - and I don't think it's even on the island.

[slashingdisneypasta]

love Love LOVEEEE ur work btw. on both horror house and the Toon patrol. but for horror house I have a scenario.

say y/n and jason are dating right, and freddy is always third-wheeling. how would the horror house react to this, and what do they tell y/n and jason to do to him?

Thank youuuu! Seeing this just after getting off work was so lovely ^^

And- oh boy XDD Christ alive Freddy go find your own lovelife. Let Jason be happy.

Here's how I think everyone else responds to being asked for Advice about this Pesky Issue-

Billy Loomis: "Freddy Vs Jason 2; The Date Night. Nice. Call me when it happens again."

Bubba Sawyer: *Whines and shrugs, like ... oh that sucks.* // Sorry, if you thought Bubba was gonna be helpful XD 😅 One thing he learnt growing up with his brothers is to

Stay - the heck - out of shit.

Carrie White: "He does that??... I'm sorry, that's terrible- Jason!?? Put me down!! 😨 It doesn't work like that!! 😰😰 " // For context- Jason picked her up and 'aimed' her at Freddy like some kind of telekinetic weapon 😅

Chucky: ... *starts giggling* "hehehe- oh, that's hilarious. HEY! Freddy! You really do that??? You're a fucken dick!... for not inviting me! Count me in for next time!... hahaha... *Turns back to you. Acts surprised* -Oh, you thought coming to me was a good idea?? Well we all make mistakes."

Jennifer Check: *Sighhhhhh* "I hate to say this but you brought this on yourself Y/N- I told you not to get with any of these fucken low budget losers. Now the only way to fix this is to dump Jason. Freddy's got some kinda territorial bi-erotic claim over the big guy."

Jerry Dandridge: "Sweetheart this would not be problem if you were with me. But... hm, I recommend... ghost peppers, perhaps. Or carolina reapers. If he can handle his spice, you can... *shrug* I dont know, put it somewhere else?... " *Gestures meaningfully to his eyes*

Michael Myers: In general Michael is pretty unhelpful. But... this time he did lean over and flick a salt shaker down. And I think that's pretty indicative of what he thinks Jason should do about Freddy XD Or even you. Just let him hear it XD

Pamela Voorhees: *Sharpening a cleaver, smiling* "Oh don't worry dear's, I'll handle this little problem... "

Patrick Bateman: "Why don't you just tie him up for the duration of your date?" // He immediately left and ignored everyone for hours after that, but for that moment- he was very helpful! ^^ It took him against his will, I promise. You didn't even directly ask him, he just overheard you talking to Michael and it came tumbling out-

Pennywise: "Ooooooh, yes, tie him up!! Tie him up like a hog and give him to me!! Hehehe... Hahaha... HAHAHA- " // *There's suddenly a BANG and you notice a Freddy-Shaped hole in the wall.*

Stu Macher: "... wait. Why do you need him to leave? Huh?? *Looking suggestively at them* Hmmm, you wanna get- *Sticks out tongue against his chin* nasty??"

Tiffany Valentine: "He did the same thing to Chucky and I for a while! Sweetheart, I'll just give you this one hint, because how I got rid of him really wasnt lady like and I shouldn't say it outloud. Ehem... Pli-ers. Huge ones."

[gergthecat]

Farmer's Infatuation PT 2 - No POV Kady/Ezra

He’s decided that it’s the air. That’s the reason that Ezra can never seem to let go of Kady. Why they seem to wake up a little slower here, even though they just about have the weight of the galaxy on their shoulders. Why she sits just a bit closer to him at breakfast than normal. And why when he exits his room in his work clothes, she stays in his arms for a second longer before kissing him goodbye. 

He craves being with her, instead of stuck lugging around hay all day with Hanna. It’s all he thinks about. 

Kady wishes she had time to let her thoughts wander to Ezra, but she’s got the files to worry about. All with keeping them safe and making sure her Dad heals properly, she’s (to say the least) overwhelmed. He knows this, and as he leans to catch a glance of her through the window of their farmhouse while he carries piles of hay, he considers what he could do to improve her mood. Of course, there’s the obvious answer, but he feels as though he should do something more. 

Just as he lets go of his last bale, arching his back to relieve some of the stress it has fallen victim to, he notices Nik glaring at one of the other hands and receiving a seemingly well-deserved scowl in response. He watches, intrigued, as Hanna slips in a path of mud, and both boys dart to catch her, so as to make sure not a single inch of her is dirtied. 

Nik’s opponent reaches her first, and grabs her hand, just barely making it in time. Of course, Nik grumbles, and Ezra is hit with a stroke of brilliance. Thus begins the bargaining. 

In the end, Ezra wins his battle, switching jobs with Nik and winning his position to lord over the fields instead of spending all day in a tractor. Trailer. Whatever. His plan is in motion already; now, he has access to all the gardens on the farm. He is unstoppable ( mwah ha ha ha ha ) on his mission to make his girlfriend a fantastic dinner, one just like those he would make for her on their nights staying in back on Kerenza IV. He’ll need a lot of help.

After pretending to work for another hour, Ezra departs from his family of cows to consult Issac, and perhaps to acquire some nibbles as well. 

“That’s a… creative idea. I like the premise of throwing her a surprise dinner, but do you really think you’ll be able to pull it off?” Kady’s father says skeptically, “We know better than anyone that she is not easy to fool.”

“I’m confident enough,” Ezra responds, crossing his arms over his chest in an effort to make himself seem more self-assured.

“Confident enough about what?” A disembodied voice questions behind them.

The pair swivels around to find a dubious Kady leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just some farming stuff is all,” Ezra returns, eyes darting everywhere but to meet hers.

Her eyes narrow, beautiful ocean blues meeting his dusky brown ones. She leans forward, and Issac sighs, laboriously lifting himself from the stool he was sitting at and making as swift of an escape as his injury would permit. 

“You okay? You seem a little… weird. I was watching you while you were working,” she questions, concern swimming on her face.

He grumbles as he paces over to her, pressing her against the counter, burying his face in the crook of her neck, and wrapping his arms around her torso.

“I wanted you to have a good night. Not just sex, I wanted to make you dinner and we’d watch Super Turbo Awesome Team VS. Awesome Turbo Super Team on the couch. I just want you to relax,” he mumbles into her shoulder, “You’ve been stretched too thin; you’ve got too much to do by yourself.”

Kady sighs into his chest and lifts her hand to his face. He rises to look at her as she whispers to him,

“You’re so perfect,” she sighs, “Can’t we do that anyway? Sans surprise? I’d love it anyways; I just wanna spend time with you.”

The couple presses their foreheads together. They stay there for minutes. Used to the familiar feeling of each other’s arms, sharing a hug just like their final one on the Mao. Finally, they detach from one another, and while joking and giggling, they make dinner. They fall asleep on the couch, plates piled up on the coffee table, as Kady’s head lies tranquilly on her boyfriend’s shoulder, his arms thrown over her torso. They fit together like a perfect puzzle, manufactured to slide in place like they do nearly every night, like they do tonight.

Check me out on AO3 :)

Farmer's Infatuation Part 1

Masterlist :)

[french-vanilla-in-the-clouds]

𝐌𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭! 𝐒𝐚𝐦 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫

Sam Winchester x Reader (HEADCANON)

***early 2000′s playlist to set the scene!***

GIVE IT UP FOR THE STANFORD BOY!

▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

- You’re taking a theology course at Stanford and while the course itself is intriguing, there’s something else that always steals away your attention...

- Or rather, someone else.

- In the third row from the front sits a student that you can’t take your eyes off of. He’s tall, he has a kind smile and his hair is ruffled. Sometimes it gets in his eyes and all you can think about during lecture is pushing it away from his forehead.

- You notice that he’s always sitting in the same seat. While everyone else shuffles around to find a new spot each day, this student claims his place in the third row without a problem.

- This means that he’s an early bird. Always a step ahead of everyone. On time and orderly. You’ve made it a habit to match his schedule, so you attend class earlier in the hopes of catching a seat near him. Despite your best efforts though, he always makes it there first. Day after day, you find him reading or jotting down notes before the professor begins.

- One day you snag a seat beside him. You’re nervous and can hardly concentrate. You’re acutely aware of his “ahh’s...” of understanding of the course material, his light chuckles at the professor’s corny jokes, and the broad strokes of his pen during note-taking.

- It’s when his elbow brushes against yours that you let out a small gasp and drop your pencil. It falls down a couple rows and you can’t retrieve it without disrupting the lecture. He stops writing and turns to you. “My fault,” he amends. He reaches into his carrier bag and pulls out a spare pen. “Here, take this,” he whispers. “My treat.”

- Since that day, you’ve made sure not to sit next to him anymore. Why risk making a fool of yourself again? Better to find a good seat a couple rows away and admire him from afar. As for the pen? It’s now your lucky pen and you carry it around wherever you go.

- Weeks of neglecting your professor’s lectures, choosing instead to swoon over the mysterious student have finally caught up to you. An exam is scheduled in seven days and you have no idea where to start your studies.

- You decide to hit the books. An all-nighter at the library never hurt anyone, right? RIGHT?

- So wrong.

- You head to the library and start studying up. Angels and demons; a contrast... The issue of eternal damnation vs eternal paradise... Discourse between European philosophies regarding the morality of the soul and biblical rhetoric... Yeah, what a perfect way to spend the night.

- Your head is aching but still you push on. After you’re through with Demonology: an introduction, you sit up and stretch. Then you walk to the library’s Christianity and Catholicism section to search for the sequel; Demonology: II

- Why did you take this course again??

- As you peruse the bookshelves, you can’t help but silently curse that cute theology guy for distracting you. Who does he think he is showing up to class looking like that?

- You’re reaching for a book when a hand touches yours. You jump back, startled. “Sorry about that,” someone laughs. “Here, let me.” He drops down on a knee and picks up the fallen volume. He looks up and smiles at you.

- He’s wearing multiple layers of clothing and has a carrier bag slung lazily across his shoulder. He picks up the book and hands it to you. “Sam Winchester,” he says, extending a hand. “Don’t I know you?”

- When he figures out you’re from his theology class and are having trouble studying, he insists on helping you.

- SAM WINCHESTER IS A GENIUS. He tells you he’s pre-law but knows so much about... well, everything! He’s especially well-versed in the supernatural and offers his own fun facts about certain pagan deities and demons, speaking about them almost as though he’d met them himself..

- You’re awestruck and tell him how amazing he is for knowing all this. It’s here where he clears his throat, smiles nervously and looks back down at his papers. “You’d be the first to think so.” He says quietly.

- Sam loves coffee and offers you a cup every few hours. In fact, he offers you a lot of things throughout the study session. Pens, pencils, notes, papers... Even if it’s clear you don’t need a thing, he insists. Beneath his kindness though, is a nervousness from being around you...

- The exam comes and goes, but you and Sam continue studying together. Every day he saves you a spot next to him in class and every night you book a seminar room in the library just for the two of you.

- You learn a lot about him in the next few weeks. He’s a model student, he’s always dreamed of becoming a lawyer, and he’s very reserved. It’s clear from the offset that Sam doesn’t like to talk about his family or past, so you don’t pry.

- Three weeks later, the exam grades come back. Sam gets a high 90% which is typical. You’re too scared to look at yours but Sam snatches the paper playfully and checks for you.

- He smirks and turns the page around. “Congratulations.” He says. “85%.” You squeal and wrap your arms around him. When you pull back, Sam is looking at you, a warm expression on his face.

- “Sam?” You ask. He doesn’t say anything but tucks a stray lock of hair behind your ear. “Congratulations,” he says again in a near whisper. Then he leans forward and kisses you.

- Since that day, you and Sam have been inseparable. When he walks around campus with you, it’s always with your hand tucked neatly into his while he carries your textbooks under his other arm.

- Your fall semesters together are usually spent on campus, studying under the shade of the trees. Sometimes, you both lie down on the grass, your head on his chest while he tells you scary stories- Sam has quite the imagination. Other times, he gets sensitive when you ask about ghosts and monsters, so he shrugs it off, opting instead to read you something straight out of a textbook.

- Winter semesters are spent at the college café. You both order your favourite drinks and lounge in the plush seating while students come and go out the door. Some of your favourite moments are when Sam types away at his laptop and you lean your head against his shoulder, eyes closed as the scent of coffee beans and lattes waft around you.

- Sam loves listening to music. He’s a total CD burner and has dozens of playlists on his iPod ranging from soft rock to history podcasts and true crime audiobooks. He never listens to music while he’s studying (it distracts him), but you can usually find him in bed, staring up at the dorm ceiling while music blares from his headphones.

- He’ll never admit it, but he’s a tiny bit emo at heart (we all know that he’s an angsty man!). Sometimes you’ll hear Fall out Boy or Evanescence blaring from his headphones, maybe even The Fratellis (He loves Chelsea Dagger and Whistle For The Choir)... It is the early 2000’s after all.

- On occasion you’ll catch him listening to old classic rock hits with a small smile on his face. His eyes tend to get glassy when he does this...

- Sam bought you an MP3 player for your birthday. He burned a mix of his and yours favourite music so that you can have a part of him wherever you go. He dedicated James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful to you for obvious reasons.

- Sam is a little weird. Sometimes you feel he’s a bit too invested in keeping up appearances. He tries to sell the image of being a normal college boy, but you know that he’s hiding something.

- It’s the little things that tip you off. His refusal to talk about his family and childhood, the small sigils sketched into the margins of his notebooks, the silver blade hidden underneath his pillow... But mostly it’s the salt. How much salt does a guy need?

- Once, you found a salt shaker in his carrier bag when you asked to borrow a book in class. Another time, you visited his dorm and found a dozen packs of table salt hidden around the kitchen. Hadn’t your theology professor mentioned that salt was used in rites of purification? You’re beginning to suspect that your boyfriend is either consuming an alarming amount of sodium, or is a cult member.

- Hopefully, it’s the former.

- Sam is a total nerd and spends most of his time studying. He seems almost obsessed with over-achieving. Though most of his friends take college for granted, it’s almost as though Sam is afraid that if he doesn’t give it his all, someone will snatch it away from him.

- Most of your dates together consist of quiet evenings in. Though Sam is sociable, frat parties aren’t his scene, so he’d much rather spend some downtime with you watching a movie in his dorm, or just lying in bed talking.

- Sometimes when you sleep with him, you wake up in the middle of the night to his low groans and mumbling. Usually you wake him but other times you listen to his sleep talking and wonder what part of his past caused the restlessness. In most of his dreams, Sam talks to someone called Dean.

- Sam likes physical contact. He’s always touching you in some way. At night he sleeps with you in his arms, his head nestled in the crook of your neck. During the day he’ll hold your hand while you walk to class together. He just really needs the security of your touch.

- He doesn’t have many pet names for you. It’s always Y/N, or “hun” if he’s feeling particularly affectionate. He would rather show you his love through deeds like fresh cups of coffee, soft caresses, and second-hand notes rather than call you goofy names.

- Sam’s not into intense PDA. Don’t expect anything more than a quick kiss or a handhold if the two of you are out with friends. He has always been a bit timid and prefers to keep his love life out of the spotlight.

- When the two of you are alone, Sam feels more comfortable showing affection. His kisses are warm and tender. He always smiles against your lips and holds you tight. He feels he can be most vulnerable with you, so don’t be surprised if he steals kisses All. The. Time.

- You usually sleep in his dorm. Sometimes the two of you talk until the first rays of sunlight shine through the window. You like to fall asleep in his Stanford hoodie. The crest and school colours are faded but it smells like him and feels like home. When the alarm blares in the morning, Sam is always the first to hit snooze and wake you up with a kiss on the cheek.

- Breakfast is quick and surprisingly healthy. Though you’d never pass up on a plate of boxed pancakes, Sam prides himself on a balanced diet. He cooks egg white omelettes and frittatas for you when you’re not running late to class.

- Dinner is usually a low-key affair, BUT he does like to surprise you on occasion. Sam enjoys taking you out to local bistros every so often and treating you to cozy plates of small-town food. Just remember, Sam is a student so money is tight. Maybe the restaurants aren’t the fanciest around town and the food isn’t exactly gourmet dining, but with Sam Winchester by your side, does it really matter?

- From morning to night, your relationship with Sam Winchester is perfect. He’s intelligent, compassionate, loving, and you adore him for it.

- One night you feel Sam climb out of bed. You hear the sound of a struggle and sit up. You’re just about to investigate when something catches your eye. You look out the window and see a sleek black car parked in the shadows. “Dean?” Sam asks from somewhere outside the bedroom. You recognize the name and whip your head around.

- Things are about to change.

▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

Yoohoo! Give Peppermint Kiss a shot!

Hey everyone!!! This was my first HC AND first Sam piece... sooo yeah. 

Omg I LOVE, LOVE. LOVE the vibe of early spn episodes and college boy Sam is just so cute! Okay confession time: I kind of sort of wish that I was a teen in the early 2000′s, what a time, am I right??? Movies and tv shows make it look great but then I think of the perks of being a teen now in 2021 sooo yeah, I guess I’m good where I am lol. A girl can dream, I guess. 

Alright, off the crazy train again... thanks for reading!

If you’d like to be tagged in any future Supernatural fics, just tell me in the comments... or visit my taglist! (and if you’d rather not be tagged in ALL Supernatural fics, please specify; EX: Reader x Dean, Christmas with TFW series, etc…)

tagging the wonderful: @the-chaotic-cow @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @adaydreamaway08​ @stitchintimefan​ @andthevillainshallrises​

[f1nalboys]

Okay, okay! So I love your poly!Ghostface dark/angst, but I wanna see you do some poly!Ghostface dark/fluff too(if that's a thing?)! Still unhealthy/toxic relationship, but one where their feelings are at least actually true and genuine. Trio vs the World shit. Best Friends to Lovers blah blah blah cause you know Im a slut for that lmao. NSFW too if you're willing 👀

AHH so glad I finally got to this request I'm sorry it took me so long :(( HOWEVER i had fun writing it!! i really hope you enjoy (ps, no smut unfortunately i tried to add it and it was coming out wrong ahhh) flashbacks are italicized! 

WORD COUNT: 2352

WARNINGS: toxic relationship, kinda cute moments between the three of you, cursing, little bit of stalking, threats of violence, no nsfw because i was a little lazy sorry :,(

Had someone told you five years ago that you'd be dating not only Billy Loomis but Stu Macher as well, you’d have laughed straight in their face. And yet here you were, curled up on the couch between the two, your legs thrown over Billys and your head resting on Stu’s shoulder, watching a horror movie. You smile softly as you feel Billy’s hand grip your thigh slightly. He never seemed to realize he was doing it which made it even cuter.

“Remember the day I met you guys?” You question, head moving off of Stu’s shoulder when he turns to look at you. He gives you a goofy grin and nods, kissing the tip of your nose. “Sure, baby. Why?”

“Did you think we would have gotten together? Like, back then?”

“Definitely,” Billy says, poking his finger into your side. You raise an eyebrow at him, catching his hand and holding it in your lap. He sighs, grinning slightly. “Alright, maybe not the day we met, but I knew pretty soon. Why? What’s got you thinking about it?”

You shrug, not really sure yourself. Something about the situation you three were in at the moment made your mind drift to those few awful god damn weeks. “You two really sucked then, you know? Honestly, I’m surprised I didn't kill you both.”

Stu gasps, throwing himself back with a hand on his heart. You roll your eyes; ever the dramatic. “You would have hurt us? I can’t believe this… the betrayal!” You elbow him and he sits back up, laughing, and wraps his arms around you, planting a few sloppy kisses onto your neck.

“We weren’t even that bad, babe.” Billy says, eyes widening as you glare at him.

“Not that bad? Do I need to remind you of the first thing you said to me when we met?” You shoot back, sitting up closer to Stu. You had already forgiven the two for how they acted then, but that doesn’t mean you can’t give them a hard time.

The first day you met Billy and Stu, it had started out good. You still didn’t have many friends but that was perfectly okay with you. You were sat in the grass outside one of the buildings where your next class was held, waiting. Thirty more minutes and you got to go to math; yay. You were leaned up against a tree, headphones in, trying to relax, when two men stood in front of you. They were pretty cute. One was tall, wearing a thin sweater and a goofy grin, while the other was shorter with dark hair and a smirk. The tall one's mouth moves and you pull your earbuds out, about to apologize for not hearing him, when the shorter one speaks.

“Pretty stupid to wait for someone to talk to you before taking your headphones out.” His smile was still there but it was clearly masking his annoyance. Your eyebrows raise in surprise at the gall of this dude. You don’t even know him and he thinks he’s owed a conversation?

“Excuse me?”

“What? You’re deaf and a bitch?” The taller one slaps the back of his head immediately and he grumbles, rubbing the soreness. You scoff, shaking your head, fuming. Was it just this dude or were most people here dicks? You didn't want to find out.

You stand, grabbing your bag and pushing past the two, heading towards the building. Your eyes instantly roll into the back of your head when you hear the sound of footsteps behind you. “Hey, I’m sorry about him, really. That’s how he jokes and sometimes it comes across as mean. I’m Stu and he’s Billy.”

Stopping in your tracks you turn to face Stu, the taller one, and take a second to think of a response. Glancing over at Billy, who had finally caught up with you, you can see what resembles regret on his features. “Well, he didn’t come across as mean, he came across as an asshole.”

Stu laughs, nodding. Billy shrugs, giving you that same weak smile he had shown when he approached. You shrug your backpack up higher onto your shoulder, the weight of it starting to get to you, when Billy grabs ahold of it and yanks it off of you. “What the hell? Give me my shit back!”

“Least I can do is to carry it for you. You going to class?” He asks. It’s like he wasn’t taking no for an answer. You give a large sigh and nod, silently thankful for the weight off your shoulders. “Which building?”

“Sycamore.” He nods and begins to walk there, you and Stu trailing behind him. “Is he always so...?” You ask Stu under your breath, trailing off, unsure of a word that could describe the man. He grins and nods. “Annoying? Mean? Stubborn? Yes, yes, and yes.”

Billy groans at the memory, annoyed. He hated when you brought that up. “I told you I was just having an off day! Come on, you’re acting like Stu didn’t offend you too! Do you not remember when you got food with us, like, that night?” Stu punches Billy in the shoulder hard, pissed that he had brought it up.

“Oh yeah! I kinda forgot about how much of a dickhead Stu was,” You say, leaning back against the couch. It really was a shock your relationship with the boys got to where it was now.

Billy and Stu followed you around all day. It seemed they were trying to apologize for Billy’s attitude earlier but, if you were being honest, it was kind of unnerving. After your math class, where they had walked you inside the building and only left when the professor came in, you saw them waiting outside under the tree you had been at.

“Can you guys stop following me?” You had told them the third time you noticed them, this time at the small diner you stopped by after your last class. Stu’s face turned red and he looked behind him as if there was someone else you could be talking about. “Yeah, you two.”

“We wanted to apologize for earlier,” Billy said, motioning for you to join them at their table. You had to choose which one to sit next too and, after your not-so-pleasant meeting with Billy that morning, you sat next to Stu. He sticks his tongue out at Billy who rolls his eyes.

“You already apologized. It’s getting kind of creepy.” You say, placing your elbow on the table. Before the boys could respond, the waitress walks over, placing down their drinks. She flashes you a smile and takes your order, walking off with a sway in her hips, much to the boy's enjoyment.

Stu throws an arm over your shoulder and you shrug him off, ignoring the pained look he gives you. “We just wanted to make sure you really knew we were sorry! Billy here never acts right around a hottie,”

“Stu you fucking idiot.” Billy spits, throwing something at him. Stu laughs, holding his hands up in mock surrender. Billy looks at you and gives you what looks like a real, genuine smile. “Sorry about him; he can’t seem to think with his upstairs brain.”

“Don’t need to when my downstairs one leads me to be sitting next to a smoke show,” Stu says, holding his hand out to you for a high five. Your face flushes and you ignore him, scooting away from him slightly. He was cute, sure, but way too forward. “What? Can’t compliment people anymore?”

“Not when your compliments are preceded by stalking.” You mutter, a part of you hoping he doesn’t hear it. Unfortunately, he does. You see his face change in your peripheral vision and your eyes flick over to Billy. He grins at you, sitting back in the booth, and taking a sip from his drink. He was enjoying this.

“Stalking? You’re fucking with me, right?” His rant is cut short by the return of the waitress who hands you your drink and places the food the boys had ordered onto the table, completely oblivious to your discomfort. She leaves and Stu grabs a fry from his plate, chewing loudly. “We’re not fucking stalking you - trust me, there are better ways to spend our time.”

Billy throws his balled up straw wrapper at Stu, catching his attention, and you let out a soft sigh of relief when Stu’s demeanor changes. He was back to smiling and laughing as if he hadn’t just been attempting to tear you to shreds. “Sorry about that… I’m pretty tired, that’s all.” Stu says, playing with his fingers.

“S’okay, I guess.”

“Why don’t you let us take you on a date? You know, as an apology?” Billy chimes in and Stu grins, nodding. A large part of yourself was screaming no. There was something off about these boys, something dark just under the surface, but you were intrigued. And so you smile.

“Yeah, I guess you two can do that.”

Billy had his arms wrapped around you, laughing at the excuses Stu was stammering out. He was obviously getting frustrated at the memory and you opened your arms to let him join in on the cuddling.

“You know, I really am glad we stuck together. I don’t know what I’d do if it were for our nightly cuddle sessions,” You say, your words muffled by Stu’s sweater. He pulls back and gives you a kiss, Billy swooping in to take one from him as well.

“Yeah, I don’t know what I’d do without our fuck sessions,” Stu hums and you groan, punching him in the shoulder. What a way to ruin the moment. “Wait, let’s not act like you were a saint in all of this! I remember you being pretty awful at one point.”

“What?! No way!”

Billy nods, tickling your sides for a second. “Sure were, babe.”

Two months into the relationship was your breaking point. You really did like, if not love, the boys and yet you were still an outsider. Walking into the shared apartment just for their whispered conversations to stop. Late nights spent in the living room with hushed voices while you tried to sleep. You felt as though you only knew a portion of the two people you had come to like; no, love.

You admit it was petty. It wasn’t the right thing to do in any circumstance, but you did it because you knew it would get a reaction. You had packed a bag and sat in the living room. You wanted them to see you leave. Wanted them to see how much their secrecy had taken. You had been together only a short while and yet you felt so at home with them that the idea of actually leaving, of breaking it off, nearly tore you apart.

The door opens and in enters Billy and Stu, wrapped up in their own conversation. Stu waves at you, carrying on before realizing what he had just seen. “Babe? What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving.” Your voice was confident, not a waver in sight, and you knew it was because you weren’t planning on leaving. Some would call it manipulation, sure, but you were backed into a corner. Stu’s mouth drops open and Billy stares at you, his eyes narrowed.

“What? What do you mean you’re leaving? What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Stu rushes to sit down next to you on the couch, not wanting to accept the idea that you were leaving them on your own volition. His arms wrap around yours and you shove him off. “Babe?”

You shake your head, standing from your spot on the couch, grabbing ahold of the bag. Billy was still standing near the door, his arms crossed, watching you. “Don’t call me that. The two of you… It’s like I’m not even in this relationship. I’m an outsider with the two people I love and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.”

“Where the hell is this coming from?” Billy questions, grabbing ahold of your arm when you try to walk past him. His voice is thick and you could see the vein in his forehead throbbing. He was angry and you hate to admit it but that’s exactly what you were hoping for.

For the next two hours the three of you talk about your relationship and the future of it. Stu cried, you cried, Billy sniffled a few times, and then you came to an agreement. No more secrets. They told you things that they hadn't told anyone before that they hid behind a vague threat of ‘once you hear this you’re stuck with us,’ and you told them things you had planned on taking to your grave. To say you weren’t shocked at what they told you would be a lie.

Murder wasn’t what you thought they were capable of and especially not murder so gruesome. But, oddly, you felt better about being with them. They trusted you, loved you, enough to let you know their biggest and darkest secret. And you loved it.

Knowing they wouldn’t hesitate to kill for you was a major turn on, which they soon found out.

“Wow, I really was kind of horrible, wasn’t I.” You mutter as Billy recounts the memory with a few interruptions by Stu. You didn’t remember it that way but the more they talked the more you could tell they were being honest. “Well, good thing we stuck together, hm? Would have been pretty bad if we hadn’t.”

“Yeah because we would have killed you,” Billy whispers into your ear and you shiver. He’s telling the truth and that’s what makes the relationship the way it is; they choose to be with you, to keep you around, to love you. “Yeah, we would have given you a call a while ago,” Stu says, his finger making a slicing motion across your neck.

You roll your eyes not because you don’t believe them but because you do. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[raayllum]

Opinion about the first episode of season 4?

My first watch it did feel a little clunky, but I think that's also bc 1) as a super fan I'd seen all the clips released already and 2) had read the SDCC twitter thread, so nothing about the episode was a surprise in terms of like, scene by scene stuff. 4x01 in particular hinges on two mis-directs where what we think may be conflict (Sunfire ambush, 'plot against the king'") only for them to both be happier things. Which is why I think Callum's plotline ending badly (aka sadly) is important because otherwise it's too much of a positive note.

AKA I've watched the episode 3 times since and it 100% worked for me (which is also how it worked for S3 feeling a little fast the first time I saw it, but I was also hyped up on so much adrenaline and very little sleep and - shockingly - that makes a difference, I know). I've seen people complain about the tone but I think people tend to have nostalgia perfection goggles on for things they love and compared TDP to (largely ATLA, which had "Zuko angrily visiting Iroh in prison" and "Aang throwing a secret dance party" intercut immediately with one another) and it's like - TDP has always done a very good job at balancing its tone, same as ATLA, but it does feel hypocritical to watch fans of both not realize what they're "excusing" just cause they're used to it vs being hard on TDP.

This goes for TDP too since besides 1x01, this is probably the most packed premiere episode we've had. 2x01 was very exposition heavy when it came to magic and not much else actually happened in it, and like... 3 things happen in 3x01 and the most important stuff is all near the end of the episode, basically? So while 4x01 is absolutely doing the heavy work of catching us up and doing set up for the season, I think it does that difficult job as well as it reasonably can, tbh. Again: I don't mind people complaining, but the complaints gotta be grounded in merit, y'know? (That said: soft blocking people with negativity in the tags because I'm not about that with this show and never will be).

I have also been tickled pink by all the more casual reviewers / watchers who was surprised at Callum's behaviour with Soren and his lack of patience for bullshit now, since not only is it exactly how I thought he'd be post-timeskip and TTM, I thought it was exactly how he'd behave post-a speculative timeskip back in January 2020 with excerpts like this from "If Time Is Money" - so fucking satisfying, man:

She could perfectly picture the haughty look on Runaan’s face as he said, in a rather bored voice, as though whatever conversation that was about to be had was pointless. Runaan wasn’t necessarily a proud individual, but he had little patience for what he deemed illusions of youth or other perceived wastes of time. “Listen, boy—” “No, you listen,” Callum said, fair more sternly. Sterner than Tiadrin would have thought possible, given the softness he generally carried. “We’re never going to like each other, for obvious reasons. I think I have a far better one, as yours is based in prejudice, and mine is based on the fact you literally murdered my father, but that’s not the point. The point is that while I don’t care what you say about me, as I’ve heard far worse from other elves like you, Rayla does and you are still her father and she deserves to have you in her life and to have a good relationship with you. So when she’s not around, you can say whatever you want, even to my face. I don’t care and I don’t plan on rising to it anyway. But when she is around, you keep that shit to yourself, because it’s only going to upset her, and she’s been through more than enough.” Runaan’s face was stiff and barely readable, when Tiadrin stole a look. It was only because she knew him so well that she could tell he was at least a little gobsmacked, and so, quite frankly, was she.  The prince’s tone left no room for debate, as she carefully watched Runaan try and scrounge up anything to say at all. 

Adored all the Viren and Callum parallels since I've also thought since S2 that S4 would ramp it up majorly and it's super gratifying / interesting / exciting to watch that come to fruition. I also loved the Janaya proposal and thought it was super sweet. I gotta adjust to some of the small animation changes (I think possibly character / face silhouette line work and being even more fluid than before) but I love the flexing, updated character designs, and all the little microexpressions.

I'm so pumped for the rest of the season, it's going to be unreal (and just like, 2.5 days away now)!

[raayllum]

I also think it comes from very much having Runaan in her head all throughout as well (actively trying to push away Callum’s voice - Callum, who did dark magic and yet “It doesn’t matter what you did before, I just want you to be okay again” for a reason she likewise could understand, even if she hardly approved). Above all things, Rayla prioritizes helping people (“The human princes found it, and they’re only trying to help--” / “I just have a feeling this cube thing could help me” “[Sighs] Let’s go get your cube / “What if someone needs help?” “Ez, you have a good heart. It’s super annoying” / “You’ve got help me!” “[Sighs] Callum, get Zym back to the Ambler” ) hence why she’s always so eager to offer it. If Tressal, a younger dark magic, is using dark magic - like Callum - to help rather than hurt... A dark mage who, unlike Viren, hasn’t done anything to her ( “He didn’t do anything to me! How could I take his life?” vs “Viren has taken away everyone I love - except you”)...

The human froze, meeting her eyes. He looked afraid.

Redfeather pinched the single piece of blood coral between her fingertips and scowled. She did not say a word, but Rayla knew the look of disappointment in her eyes all too well. Finally, she spoke without looking at her. “You got your mark, then?”

“No,” Rayla shook her head. “It wasn’t him. It was—just another dark mage.”

Just another dark mage, she thought, as though they were as common as barnacles on the Scumport docks. She had been so certain that she’d found the right path, and that certainty had made her a fool.

I also think Rayla equating it with a trick / her own sense of weakness is also apt ( “In the pit, the human charged forward, sword aloft.And in the crowd behind him, a flash of red. A scarf” and “‘–for this.’ He hissed the incantation so quickly she didn’t hear it. Water frothed beneath the both of them, surged upward by a flash of red spreading across the mage’s arm and shoulder”) because like... Rayla is very mission focused, except when she’s not. She follows her heart - that sense of right vs wrong - whether or not it makes sense long term (how exactly did she think the boys were going to survive Xaidia without her, if she didn’t come back in 2x07). In this case, I think she’s so busy just processing her own failure and all it entails that she’s not really fully thinking about anything else.

“Life is precious. Life is valuable. We take it, but we do not take it lightly.” His breath shallow against the blade, the dark mage hissed, “They are also–” She saw it too late:

I think to be a Moonshadow assassin you have to see yourself as a weapon (“And you knew he was a person, just like you” “That shouldn’t have mattered! I had a job to do”) as much as you have to see your target only as your place to strike and nothing else. Hence why she’s running around trying to find a new bullseye, to little and fucked up avail. 

She’s usually aware of her bad odds and that things may not end very well for her, but when it comes to actually making those decisions (rather than carrying them out) she’s impulsive and heart driven as well, ready to abandon missions or pick new ones up at the drop of a hat if it “feels right” or if not doing so would “feel wrong” enough to warrant it. 

Which also kinda speaks to her... it’s not quite selfish but self-loathing obsessed lens that ironically centres herself more than anything. Sparing Marcos is never about sparing his life and defending his right to live - it only gets talked about as her failure, even by herself. Letting Tressal go appears to be the same. Which like - the roots of Silvergrove Shame and its subsequent morality runs deep, I suppose. 

So in the final part of Chasing Shadows, we see a very interesting moment regarding Rayla's moral framework and understanding. Generally we discuss that in terms of, y'know, assassinating people, since that's the major factor of what's going on with her—she believes she is supposed to be able to kill people, and it is a failure on her part to not do so.

But in Chasing Shadows, we have something we see pretty rarely: her interacting with dark magic and the way her views on it (and humanity as a result) are shaped... and how, in some ways, they haven't changed from s1.

Rayla spares Marcos because she—against her training—sees him as a person, and a person who hasn't done her any harm. Later, she sees the inside of Viren's dark magic workshop and is horrified by the shelves of ingredients, and declares that there is "nothing in humans worth sparing." So early on, she's essentially equating humanity and dark magic, and then has this cognitive dissonance where she swings back and forth between seeing humans as sympathetic or as monstrous. When she does settle on sympathetic, it's to the point that she offers to go with Callum to confront her entire squad (immediately after Runaan refused to listen to her) and potentially fight for Harrow's life. Even though, sure, the egg is still alive... but Harrow did still kill Avizandum.

Basically, Rayla has this ongoing conflict between her own nuanced moral compass and a very black-and-white framework she has been trained to use, and really struggles to land anywhere other than an extreme. In Chasing Shadows, we see her have the same experience she had early on with Marcos, but with Tressal, a dark mage.

Now, Rayla's overall experience with dark magic is mostly Claudia using it to attack her and what she has been taught regarding its history and poaching of Xadian inhabitants for materials, so we can't respect a particularly nuanced view... but it's very interesting that what gives her pause in this situation is this:

“Blood coral,” spat the dark mage, tide frothing over his mouth. “For—” “For dark magic,” Rayla said. “For many things, elf!” he snarled, defiant. “To warm a cold hearth. To draw plague from poisoned water. To heal the sick and bleeding—”

She hesitates, deliberately comparing him to Viren and literally trying to see Viren in him to condemn him, but then:

But what if it was true? A plague, an illness, a wound—

She apparently literally didn't know that dark magic can be used for purposes that she would consider noble? And then, similar to her rapid oscillating early in s1, she's immediately discarding that thought when Tressal defends himself. (It's unclear whether the coral growth would have hurt Rayla, appearing to have been primarily a defensive spell to armor himself and potentially disarm her.) He then escapes with the coral, which Rayla considers a failure comparable to her failure to kill Marcos:

Rayla looked at the driftwood floor. “Because I messed up. He got away with the rest.” Redfeather sighed. “You hesitated. Like in the Bone Pit.” It stung. She was right, of course. Rayla caught a glimpse of her own reflection in a glass bottle and scowled at herself: the face glowering back at her was not the face of an assassin, and it never would be.

So... she was supposed to, what, kill him? Even though he's not the target she thought she was hunting? Then return to Redfeather with the coral, which she has openly admitted she'll probably just sell to another dark mage? Okay, then... there's some pretty wild moral gymnastics going on, there.

Like, is she justified in feeling tricked by Tressal? Sure. I'd be pissed, if I were her. But I don't think he was lying. Whatever he is personally planning to use the blood coral for, what he listed are almost definitely legitimate uses for it—but it definitely feels implied that Rayla assumes it was all a trick that she was naive to fall for, in that she'd... apparently prefer to bring this coral that could surely only ever be used for evil purposes back to Redfeather and the black market, rather than let it go with this kid who rattled off a list of uses that made her genuinely pause in concern that she was taking something from someone who desperately needed it to save lives, and then defended himself without harming her.

So basically what's going on here is that, even though Rayla is now on team cool-with-humans (and was before it was... cool), she's still heavily affected by the toxic morality framework she was at the beginning of s1, in ways beyond just always feeling shitty about herself when she shouldn't.

[nsheetee]

One Foot in the Golden Life

Pairing: rich kid!renjun x caddie!reader Genre: rich kid AU, university au, romance, slight angst, mature content Length: 9.7k Summary: this is the story of a boy who is constantly pushed down by his father, a girl who just wants to not live paycheck to paycheck, and how they met on a golf course.  Warnings/Details: includes mentions of other NCT members, female reader, swearing, inaccurate depiction of golf, acts of sexual harassment towards the reader, mature content (unprotected sex, coming inside, oral [female receiving])

a/n: a big thank you to @insomni-writing​ for beta reading this ♡ also, if you are a minor, please beware that there is mature content in this fic!

You thought it would be the perfect opportunity to work at the most well-known country club in the state, but really the only thing your job brought you was perpetual cold to your hands and feet, and entangled your simple life with one of the youngest and richest bachelors at your university.

The only place on top of Mt. Carla is the Augusta Country Club, and it is a sight to see by the regular people who gaze up at it from the city below, like mortals looking up into the Gods’ chamber. The first time you went up the mountain for your job interview at the club, you got lost and were almost late. Thankfully, you didn’t crash your car on the winding roads, and got the job as well.

The Augusta Country Club is equipped with the largest and most expensive golf course in the region, but also has Michilin approved restaurants and the finest saunas and gym equipment any CEO could ask for. Those are usually the type of people that have club memberships: CEO’s, congress men and women, top-notch lawyers, and maybe the odd business owner that made it big enough to afford the price tag.

When you took up the job as a caddie, you had an idea of what you were getting yourself into. You’ve only been working for a month, but there are already a few regular golf players that prefer you as their caddie, which in your book is a success considering the type of high profile people that come to relax here.

However, today is different.

You can sense it when Kara and Mina, your coworkers who have been working here for a year longer than you, walk towards you and your friend, Lia, before your shift today. Mina has a small stack of info cards in her hands and they both hold smug smiles on their faces. The info cards have everything a caddie needs to know about who they’ll be working for that shift, and by the looks of it, today’s game will have a good match up.

“I’m going to be Mr. Huang’s son’s caddie. Don’t even fight me on this, you know I’ll win.” Kara states boldly as the two girls stop in front of you, snatching an info card out of Mina’s hand when she holds them up like she’s playing a card game, flashing the photos and names on the cards at you.

“I call dibs on Mr. Lee’s son.” Mina hums, not even bothering to keep up the act that they just want to be good caddies. “You two can have the old men.” She smiles tightly, shoving the other two info cards into Lia’s grasp and turning on her heel to walk away with Kara.

Considering you don’t even know what they’re talking about, you have no right to be mad at them. There is more confusion clouding your mind than anger at their rudeness. However, Lia does not share the same sentiment.

“I’ll shove these info cards up their-” Lia fumes, her volume rising as the sentence went on, and you quickly pulled her out of ear shot, around a corner by the bathrooms. “-stuck up two faced asses!”

“Lia…” You mutter, her wording making you shake your head at how unstable her temper is, “They’ve been working here for a lot longer than we have, just let them have those clients. Either way, what’s it to you?”

“What’s it to me? ___, they’re talking about Lee Jeno and Huang Renjun. I know I told you about them before.” Lia states like she expects you to have those two names tattooed on the front lobe of your brain already.

“I think I remember them…. They go to our University, right?” You try to regurgitate your friend’s rambles from months ago out of your head.

“Yeah, business department.” She sighs dreamily, as if the business department is the sexiest thing on campus. “This might be our only chance to shoot our shot.” You can’t help but grimace a bit.

“It can be your chance to shoot your shot. Leave me out of this.” You randomly grab an info card out of Lia’s hands, turning it around to see Mr. Huang Lijun’s photo staring back at you. You send Lia one last look, walking around her to go change in the dressing rooms.

“Aw, you’re no fun.” You hear her whine, her footsteps echo through the hallway as she comes up behind you. She almost knocks you into the wall from how forcefully she grabs onto your arm and swings it back and forth like you’re two little kids on your way to the playground.

“Maybe we can shoot our shot at the old men?” You and Lia stop walking, turning to face each other for a moment of silence. You blink at each other as if you’re both considering it, before erupting into laughter at the ridiculous thought and continue walking down the hallway.

You and Lia constantly joke around about finding rich sugar daddies at work to pay for your college tuition, but both of you know you’ll never actually commit to the idea fully. Neither of you will admit it, but you both know you don’t have the guts to do something like that.

By the time you, Lia, and your other coworkers change into uniform and gather your supplies for the Lee vs. Huang game, it’s already 10am. The air is crisp and cool, the signs of fall creep along your skin and taint the deep green trees in light oranges and yellows.

Despite the chill, you and your coworkers still wear skirts, long sleeve v-necks, and puffy vests; the only thing keeping your feet warm is a pair of short white socks and tennis shoes. You don’t mind the chill knowing that once the game starts you’ll be moving around enough to get warm. You stop thinking about your cold toes as soon as the door of the country club opens and the Lees and Huangs walk out.

The first time you lay eyes on Huang Renjun, you think your heart might stop.

You know it’s him because he walks close to his father as they make their way to where you’re standing by the golf carts. He has obviously dyed blonde color, his dark roots proof of that; it’s neatly gelled back in an effortless way with the light wind blowing a few of the locks gently as if an angel is personally moving them for him. His white jacket and black pants are slim and look like they cost more than all of your college textbooks this semester. He walks with his head high, his pretty, pink lips set in a straight line, and his almond eyes gentle.

Okay, so... maybe you understand the hype now.

“Good evening, ladies.” Mr. Lee announces, looking at you and your coworkers. You all politely introduce yourself and state who you’ll be caddying for.

Huang Lijun isn’t as tall as his son, but he looks to be more lively than Renjun, even at his age. He has a permanent smile on his lips and you can feel a friendly demeanor radiating from him when you approach.  

“Good Morning, sir. Let me take those off of your hands.” You politely grab the bag of clubs from him, feeling shy as his gaze doesn’t leave your face the entire time.

“You’re new here, right? I feel like I would remember you if I saw you before.” You’re surprised when he suddenly pinches your cheek, and he laughs at your shocked face. An unsettled feeling plants itself at the bottom of your stomach at the unwarranted touch.

“I’ve only been working here for a month, sir.”

“I think I’ll be coming around here more often, then.” He winks at you and turns to go sit in the front seat of the golf cart. You can’t help but let the feeling at the bottom of your stomach grow at how the older man looks at you. You definitely misjudged his “friendly” demeanor. Your eyes can’t help but glance at Renjun, who’s standing a few feet away from the whole interaction. He gives you a blank stare before turning and following his father.

In the past few weeks, you had gotten many lustful smiles and lewd gazes at your bare legs, but also many dollars in tips just in one morning by letting those smiles and gazes happen. The need to make ends meet justifies it all, and the cash you earn at the end of every shift only fuels this need.

The ride from the club’s main building to the first hole is short, so you quickly recompose yourself. You still have a job to do— a job you’re being paid lots of money for. You believe in your strong will to put up with whatever antics Mr. Huang pulls for the next few hours. Upon arrival at the first hole, you pull the bag of golf clubs out of the cart and follow in Mr. Huang’s quick footsteps, suddenly feeling sweaty from the exercise you’re getting by carrying these heavy clubs. When your group reaches the first hole, you set the bag down on the ground and press your hand over your face, but Mr. Huang’s voice startles you.

“Woah, there.” You jump and face him. “Those clubs cost more than my car, and unlike my car, they don’t deserve to be on the ground, darling.”

“Yes, sir. I apologize.” You smile shyly and pick up the clubs from the ground, your shoulders already straining to keep them up. ‘They weigh as much as a car,’ you huff.

This is going to be a long game.

“You kids can clean the carts today,” Mina suddenly throws a keychain at Lia’s face, she barely catches it before it hits her, “I have plans.”

“Me, too.” Kara quickly says, following after Mina as they both walk away. The game ended right at lunchtime (the Lees won) and now you and your coworkers are back at the club. It’s supposed to be everyone’s job to clean the golf carts after they’ve been used, but it looks like today it’ll just be you and Lia… Maybe.

“___, please. I’m going to be late to the cafe, my boss there is already mad at me.” Lia turns to you and begs with her hands clasped in front of her chest, eyes pleading and feet bouncing. You sigh; you’re hungry and your muscles are sore, and all you want to do is go home as quickly as you can. Still, you roll your eyes and take the golf cart keys from her, making her face crack open into a smile as she hugs you quickly.

“I’ll bring you coffee on Monday!” She screams at you as she practically runs away, leaving you with two golf carts to clean. You sluggishly begin, crawling into the cart the Huangs were sitting in when you find a small notebook laying on one of the seats. Picking it up to examine it, you find out it’s your university’s yearly planner, a book that everyone gets at the beginning of every academic year. Along the binder reads “Huang Renjun” and your eyes widen, immediately looking up to glance at the direction that Renjun walked off to a while ago.

Your legs move quickly through the corridors of the club, moving past changing rooms, saunas, and bathrooms, the planner tightly clutched in your hand. Your head is on a swivel and your lower lip is stuck between your teeth, until you hear a door open and slam shut behind you, making you turn your head to catch Renjun walking out of a changing room.

“Mr. Huang!” You call out.. Renjun freezes at the name, spinning on his heel to see you walking towards him.

“Sorry to disturb you, but you left your planner on the golf cart.” You hold it out for him, but he doesn’t take it.

“How do you know it’s a planner? Did you look through it?” You blink at him, stunned, and then glance down at the notebook. You’re surprised by the sudden questions and at the same time annoyed that Renjun accused you of snooping through his things so quickly. The image you had of him earlier, graceful, classy, and attractive, slips out of your mind as he stares down at you. However, this is the first time he’s directly talking to you, and you can’t help the spark that ignites in your belly from the roughness in his voice. It’s higher-pitched, but unpolished and jagged as he speaks with you.

“No. I go to the same University. I have the same one.” You explain. Renjun’s stare turns into shock.

“Really? Which department?”

“Fine Arts. I study Studio Art.” At first you think that you’re seeing things, but after blinking, you can guarantee that Renjun has jealousy painted on his face. It’s so sour that he looks away, trying to preoccupy his hands by fiddling with his bag. “So, are you going to take this, or…?”

“Yeah,” The bitterness drips from his tone, but you have a feeling it’s not directed at you, “Thank you for returning it.” He finally accepts it and turns to his bag, taking out his wallet. The cards inside look thick and heavy; memberships to places you’ll never step foot in and credit cards with limits you could never even imagine. Your pride tells you that you don’t need anything he could give you, so you silently turn around and walk away.

Renjun shuffles through some crisp 10’s and 20’s, but when he looks up to give you the tip, you’re already down the hallway and halfway out the door. You have golf carts to clean.

The next time you see Renjun is a week after the last game. The chilly weather remains, along with the useless uniform you have to wear, but this time around you’re not Mr. Huang’s caddie, you’re Renjun’s.

Kara walks next to you with Mr. Huang’s heavy golf clubs, her lips straight and head turned away from you to show her annoyance at how the caddie match up situation went this week. You’re sure to get an earful about this for at least the next few days, but you kind of like this revenge that fate dealt Kara. Either way, it’s not like there’s anything you can do about the match up. Renjun requested you to be his caddie this week, and you weren’t going to risk your bosses being angry with you by denying the request.

“Driver.” Renjun’s voice pulls you into the game. You pull out the correct golf club and put it into his awaiting hand, your fingertips brushing with his. “Aren’t you cold?” The words shock you, considering they’re the first words Renjun spoke to you today other than commands for golf clubs.

“I-I’m fine, Mr. Huang.” You respond promptly.

“Don’t call me that.” His tone is icy, and he quickly realizes how unnecessary it is to bite at you like that, “Just call me Renjun.” His father walks back from his shot, looking very smug. Renjun’s face is calm as he trades spots with his father and prepares for his first swing of the day, correcting his posture and loosening his limbs.

You remember the first time you saw him, how elegant and poised he looked. Your cold hands break into a sweat as your chest heats up from the quick beating of your heart. Renjun has only been icy and accusing towards you so far, yet you still feel warm while thinking about him. There has to be something wrong with you.

“Doesn’t my son look like he knows what he’s doing?” Mr. Huang asks from beside you, a small, unnerving smile on his lips.

“Yes, sir.” You reply back with your own, more innocent, smile.

“I taught him everything he knows about golf…. And women.” Mr. Huang leans into you, turning his chest to face you so that his breath is hitting your cheek. You can’t help but swallow to relieve your dry and cold throat, keeping your eyes forward as Renjun swings his club back and forth a bit in preparation.

“Yes, sir.” The only thought on your mind is to stop this man from stepping closer.

“Is that the only thing you can say?”

Renjun swings his arm back, breathing in as he keeps his eyes on the small white ball and his hopes in the green before him. Mr. Huang’s right hand is warm on your waist, but you would give anything to freeze right now.

A sharp crack ripples through the air as Renjun hits the golf ball and sends it flying into the golf course. His eyes are not where the ball lands, but instead on where his father touches you.

Renjun’s mom died when he was not even three days old.

He never got to meet her— to lay on her chest and hold her finger with his whole hand. He’ll never know what advice she would’ve given him when he got his first girlfriend, and he’ll never know how she would’ve reacted to him crashing his first car when he was 17. He only knows that his mom would’ve been there for him through all of that, unlike his father, who was not.

Renjun has had “mothers” through his life; three, to be exact. The first was when he was 5 years old, and she quickly asked for a divorce after Renjun’s dad went on a three month business trip and she didn’t hear from him the whole time. The second “mother” was a bit more mature than the first and with a lot more time on her hands. She wanted to shape 9 year old Renjun into a perfect student, which was something Renjun’s father appreciated, but still divorced her for “being too strong-headed.” Renjun only met his third mother twice when he was 13: once at the wedding and the second time at her funeral. He didn’t ask any questions, he wasn’t very interested in the first place.

These were the type of people Renjun spent his life around, but they really weren’t his mothers. The only similarity he had with those women was his father, and he treated them as poorly as he treated Renjun. That’s why when Renjun looks at you, cowering away from the very man who is his only link to family, he feels sick.

When is his dad going to stop being a fucking predator? How young does he want his next conquest to be? Will Renjun’s next mom be the same age as him? Something swirls in the pit of his stomach when he watches his father and it takes a moment for him to figure out what it is: jealousy. He’s not sure why he’s feeling jealous over someone he just met last week, but the feeling engulfs his whole chest and it burns him to his spot.

Renjun doesn’t even notice that he swung his golf club or that the golf ball went somewhere far into the green, probably an overshot. He only sees you, afraid of the man touching you but not stepping away. Why aren’t you stepping away?

“Nice job, Renjun.” His best friend, Jeno, claps a hand on his back as he steps up, hitting Renjun back into reality and forcing him to walk towards you. As Renjun approaches, his father slyly takes his hand away, and Renjun notices how you let out a relieved sigh. Giving you back his driver, Renjun strategically stands between you and his father, pretending to watch Jeno swing.

“Good job… Renjun.” You whisper, unsure about calling him by his first name so informally.

“Thank you.” Renjun sends a side glance to his father to see the displeased look on his face. “How was that, Dad?” Renjun hopes that maybe he can remind his father of why he’s here (to win against the Lees this week, not to feel up a girl 30 years younger than him) but in this moment, his father is acting like a 5 year old in the middle of a silent tantrum, not a 50 year old who runs the most successful construction company in the country.

“I’ve taught you better than that.” Renjun is sure they’re not talking about golf anymore, the authoritative tone in his father’s voice sends a lightning bolt of surprise and slight fear down Renjun’s back. He hates how he gets scared, he hates how his father can control him. The fury churns in the pit of his stomach as he accepts his father’s words with a bow of his head.

One day, Renjun swears he won’t submit anymore.

After the game ended with the Lees winning once again, you, Lia, and your other coworkers convene at the golf carts after the clients leave to change inside the club.

“You ladies know the drill.” Kara throws both sets of golf cart keys at you before walking off with Mina. You push Lia towards the entrance of the building before she even has a chance to turn around and open her mouth.

“You should get to the cafe before your boss throws another fit.” Lia turns back to face you, her jaw slightly slack and her eyes shining.

“You’re seriously the best. I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, just give me a few extra shots in my coffee on Monday.” Lia laughs at that, grabbing your face between her two small, manicured hands and kissing you on each cheek before hopping off inside. You can’t help but be amused at her antics, turning to the golf carts in front of you to start cleaning.

“They make you clean the carts by yourself?” The voice startles you, not because you weren’t expecting it but because it’s Renjun’s. You turn your head over your shoulder, he’s standing just a few feet away still in his golfing gear from earlier.

“Uh, not usually, no. But my coworkers haven’t been happy with me lately.” You explain, fully turning to him and crossing your arms over your chest to tuck your cold hands into your sides.

“The ones who have been working here for a while?” You nod as an answer, and Renjun nods back in understanding, shoving his hands in his pants pockets. “They’ve been trying to get with me and my best friend for a while...” Renjun trails off when he sees your eyebrows raise at the comment, “... But that’s not what I came here to talk about.”

“Oh? What are you here for?” The conversation has gotten too informal for a worker and their client to be having, but you kind of like talking to Renjun in this casual setting.

“I realized that the past few times we’ve talked I’ve been such a dick.” He laughs lightly as he remembers, “I wanted to apologize for that. I wasn’t in a good mood last week and this morning, and I ended up pushing it on you.”

Renjun feels lots of emotions when it comes to you, despite only having this one proper conversation with you. He feels envy towards you for being able to study something that he desperately wants to. He feels guilt when he remembers how quickly he made you into a thief when you were only trying to return his belongings, and he feels so many other secondary and tertiary emotions in between. His head is full when he looks at you. He finally feels like he’s thinking about something, not just doing the same day to day motions in a constant cycle of ‘when will this end?’

“You’re apologizing?” You ask, stunned when he nods his head in confirmation. Sincere apologies are important to you. You believe there are not enough of them in this world anymore, and his gentle almond eyes are too wholehearted and warm for you in this cold weather. Your heart feels full looking at him, and you curse at yourself in your head for being swayed like this.

“I also have a question… You mentioned you’re majoring in Studio Art and I was wondering if, maybe, you could let me into one of the studios after a class this week? I’ve been needing a quiet place to work since my house has been busy lately.” One of the hands that was in Renjun’s pocket moves to matte down his sideburns while he glances at his shoes. “Was that too forward? Sorry, I just know that you can’t get into a studio without a passcode and you’re the only person I know who’s in Studio Art.” Renjun explains after you stare for a while, blinking at him.

“You’re an artist?” You finally ask, Renjun giving you a weak ‘yeah’ in response. A part of you wants to say no, that it’ll be weird to do something like this for him when you’ve only known him for less than 2 weeks and up until this point, you’ve only been in a worker-client relationship. However, you’re curious about what he’s like outside of this setting, especially what he’s like when his father has no possibility of appearing, since that seems to be the factor that turns his mood up or down.

“Sure. Come by studio 3 after 6pm on Wednesday and I’ll let you in, but... I heard Mr. Lee already scheduled a game for next weekend?” Renjun nods, “Then in return, you can win that game. It’s embarrassing always being on the losing team.” You smile playfully at the end to let him know you’re only joking.

“Deal.” Renjun sends a smile back of the same caliber, holding out a hand to shake with yours. If you thought you were affected by Renjun’s nice presence, his hand in yours sends you into another realm. His touch is warm from staying indoors and from keeping his hands in his pockets, and they contrast to your cold skin. He sucks in a breath through his teeth when your hands connect, turning your hand in his grip to look at your knuckles. “Are you sure you’re not cold? Your hands are freezing.”

“I’ll be okay. I just don’t have any good gloves to wear while working.” He huffs, small traces of white smoke leaves his mouth as he digs through his pockets.

“Wear these.” He replaces his hand in yours with a pair of his own gloves, “Your hands are precious, they shouldn’t be freezing.” Before Renjun can get embarrassed by his own words, he shoves his hands back into his pockets and turns on his heel, walking away, “I’ll see you on Wednesday!”

A knock on the studio doors shakes you away from staring at your painting, making you turn to look at who it is. Renjun peaks through the small window and waves when you make eye contact. You get up to open the door, almost forgetting that today is the day you agreed to let Renjun into your studio.

… Okay, that’s a lie. You definitely remembered that you’re supposed to meet Renjun, but you keep trying to convince yourself that you’re not excited about seeing him outside of that stuffy country club.

“Hey, sorry if I startled you.” Is the first thing he says when you open the door. He’s dressed in slacks, a dress shirt with a sweater over it, and a long coat over that. His nose and cheeks are slightly red from the rough wind outside and his supplies are clutched to his chest.

“Oh, you’re fine. I was just deep in thought.” Something about the studio makes both of you speak in hushed tones. No one else is here, but you feel the need to maintain the peace and quiet the room naturally holds. You and Renjun make your way to where you’re set up, he puts his things down on an easel to your left and takes off his coat, watching you from his peripheral vision.

Those uniforms they make you wear at work are just for show, Renjun knows that well, but that doesn’t stop him from appreciating you in the tight vest and little skirt. However right now, he likes your laid back look consisting of loose jeans and a layered shirt, he thinks it matches you.

“I was going to leave when you got here, but I think I’ll just finish this and head out.” You comment, aimlessly waving at your project.

“Please, stay as long as you need to. This is your studio, I don’t want to kick you out.” He laughs and licks his bottom lip. It’s breathtaking how innocent and nice his smile looks on his face. His eyes scrunch together to form laugh lines and his cheeks rise, he truly looks pretty when he smiles. You think this is the first time you’ve seen him like this.

You mumble back with a mixture of words that probably didn’t make sense and turn back to your work, leaving the room to continue with its peacefulness and quiet. However, Renjun’s presence next to you is too big to ignore. There are so many things you want to know about him and you have no excuse as to why you’re so curious.

“How about a game while we work?” You suggest.

“Sure… How about 20 questions?” It’s like he read your mind, so you smile and nod at his idea.

“You can go first.” You suggest.

“Okay, uh… Why do you work at a golf course if you’re majoring in Studio Art? Shouldn’t you be working at a, I don’t know, museum?” The question catches you off guard and Renjun notices how you stop painting, your brush and your hand floating in the air as you think, “Oh, sorry, is that too personal?”

“No, no… It’s just, normally, the first question people ask in a game of 20 questions is something like ‘what’s your favorite color’ or ‘what’s your sign’.” Renjun lets out a choked and embarrassed laugh, ducking his head down to look away from you. You can tell he’s about to change his question, so you quickly go back to painting and speak before he can.

“I did apply to work at several museums. I didn’t get any jobs, so I had to look elsewhere and Augusta was hiring. I know it’s not very fitting, but it makes good money and rich people know my name, even if it’s for just a few hours.” Renjun nods at your answer as if he could ever understand the idea of being poor, but the insight into your decision brings a fact to light that Renjun wasn’t 100% aware of before: you’re not like him, you need money.

“Don’t you hate the way people look at you there?” The words tumble out of Renjun’s lips faster than he can process the weight they carry. He turns to face you with guilt pooling in his eyes and his mouth opening and closing to find some words to correct the situation.

“No, I don’t like it.” You surprise him with your quick response, “But people like you don’t understand what it’s like to live paycheck to paycheck, to have to worry about how to pay the bills every month for years on end, always on your toes about money. I bet you think I’m cheap and—”

“No.” Renjun cuts you off promptly before you can continue, “Don’t make me into a jerk. I’m not like that. But the fact that that is the first thing you thought of worries me.” Your eyes widen at that, prompting him to elaborate. “Doesn’t that mean that’s how you think of yourself? Maybe not on the outside, but subconsciously. Sure, I won’t ever be able to understand how you live, but I wish you would not look at yourself as cheap and think of yourself as… beautiful.” Renjun lets the last words linger on his tongue, saying it quietly as if to not startle you.

You stare at him, your paintbrush resting in your hand and your back slouched as you watch him watch you. This is not the type of conversation you thought you’d be having with Renjun tonight, but you have to admit he makes a point. Eventually, you turn to your painting and stare at it some more, making Renjun turn and continue his own work.

“Ah, I asked two questions in a row.” He suddenly breaks the tense atmosphere, making you sigh as you remember you’re just playing a game, “You can ask two questions.”

He allows and relaxes when he sees you go back to painting.

“If you like to draw, why are you a business major?” Now it’s Renjun’s turn to freeze. Maybe if he did ask what your favorite color was he wouldn’t have had to endure this question from you, but he feels like he should answer it since it’s of equal weight to the one he asked you.

“It wasn’t my choice. I will most likely take my father’s place in his company and I need to at least know the basics before that happens.” You nod slowly. He looks so calm when he’s focused on drawing, but it’s not the same calm that you see on his face when he’s playing golf. You turn away before you get caught staring.

“Is that why your mood always changes when your dad is around?”

“Is it that obvious…” He trails off and you nod, “I can’t believe I’m about to say this out loud, but… It’s like everytime I’m around him, or at his office, or at home, my mind goes blank. I don’t feel like talking or thinking at all.” As he speaks, he sets down his utensils and turns to you, making continuous eye contact as he explains. You find yourself feeling comfortable at how easily he’s talking to you about such a deep subject.

“It sounds like… you’re angry.” You turned to face him now too, your paintbrush settled onto your canvas and your full attention on him, “My dad is like that. He gets so angry sometimes that he’s calm. No yelling or fighting, just silence. That’s how I know I messed up when he gets like that.” You nod, remembering all the times he’s been calmly mad at you.

“I don’t know… It’s confusing to me.” He straightens his back and stares at your foot as it moves around aimlessly. “What do I do?” He asks into the air, as if his pencil would suddenly start talking to him like a therapist.

“Just do what makes you happy.” Renjun’s glance over at you makes a smile pull at your lips, “I know it’s easier said than done. But you already know what it is that’ll make you happy, and that’s half of the battle. Why bottle it up?”

Renjun doesn’t know how he’ll ever get the courage to tell his father these things, but the way you’re looking at him as if he can do anything, he starts to feel tingles of confidence trickle into him.

“Oh, and why did you pick me to be your caddie this past weekend?”

“Well…” Renjun plays with his pencil. What is he supposed to say? He doesn’t want you to carry around his father’s heavy golf clubs? He doesn’t like the way his father touches you and gets jealous over it for some unknown reason? Yeah, he’s not going to say.

“Just because… I wanted you next to me.” The way he says it makes it sound so simple and true, but your heart drops to your stomach and springs back up going at 100 miles per hour. You can barely stop your hand from shaking as you pick up your brush, and it’s almost like you can’t see in front of you from the thrill of his words.

“Hey,” Renjun suddenly drops his pencil and turns to you, looking a bit confused and slightly upset, “Didn’t you ask three questions?”

“We’re letting the Lees win again today.” Renjun is in the middle of pulling up the zipper of his jacket when his father drops the news. Renjun’s footsteps stutter slightly at his father’s words and he stops walking next to the older man.

“Again?” He asks as he already thinks up an apology to tell you later when he loses.

“Yes, I need Mr. Lee to be happy when I bring up the new contract to him later in the sauna.” Renjun sighs and continues to walk next to his father. It’s the next weekend, and the third Lee vs. Huang game is starting in just a few minutes.

Renjun won’t lie, purposefully losing to his best friend and his dad every week is not the greatest stroke to Renjun’s ego, especially since Jeno won’t let it down around his other friends.

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Lijun swivels on his heel to look at his son, “Have you been requesting for ___ to be your caddie?”

The questions stuns Renjun, making it hard to answer so his father takes it as a yes.

“Well stop it. Dad wants to have some fun.” He claps a hand on Renjun’s back and  smiles. In the past, Renjun would’ve just rolled his eyes and let his father do whatever he wants, but this time his blood boils. He feels true anger when his father struts away with the intentions of doing whatever he wants to someone Renjun cares about. He can barely move his feet after the old man, his mind cloudy as everyone makes it to the golf carts.

“Let’s have a good game today, Mr. Huang, don’t make it too easy to beat you.” Mr. Lee jokes around and the two old men laugh as they settle into their own golf carts. Renjun walks up to his cart and you wave to him, the white gloves he gave you last week snugly on your hands. Renjun thinks his anger is what spurs him into doing what he does next.

He steps close to you, leaning into your ear and wrapping his hand around your covered ones with his thumb rubbing on your exposed wrist, “Keep these on for me, babe. I don’t want you to be cold.”

The amount of jaws that drops after Renjun’s words makes him bite down his smirk and slide into the front seat of the golf cart, pretending to not see the daggers his father is  throwing at him with his eyes.

Your heart beats so quickly and loudly you’re sure Kara can hear it next to you if she wasn’t busy huffing about what Renjun just did. Sitting in the back seat of the golf cart, you watch the back of Renjun’s head on the way to the first hole. What got into Renjun? Why did he all of a sudden call you ‘babe’ and get so close? Not that you’re opposed to it, you’re just shocked.

The game begins once you reach the first hole, and the Huang’s put up a good fight throughout the entire game, keeping the Lees on their toes and the score sheet even. Everytime Renjun comes back from a shot, you smile at him and tell him good job, which earns you a pat on the back from him that warms you up from the inside out.

Renjun can tell his father is getting more and more annoyed with him; how Renjun is keeping you as far from his father as he possibly can, the gentle touches on your waist that you welcome wholeheartedly compared to the ones Mr. Huang would lay on you before. He likes how angry his father gets, especially knowing that he can’t do anything about it right now. Not to mention, you seem to be enjoying Renjun’s attention, which just adds to his confidence.

Now, your group arrives at the last hole of the game. The Lees step up and swing, setting their total score to 357. All Renjun and his father have to do is move the ball around a bit more to get their score to be higher and the Lees will win the game. Mr. Huang is up first, acting clumsy so that the ball doesn’t make it into the hole and brings the game to Renjun.

As he sets up his posture, his hands suddenly go stiff. This shot is so easy to make, he has made this exact hole several times. He breathes in and out deeply, deciding on if he should throw the game like his father said he should, or give his one last ‘fuck you’ to his Dad.

He glances at you and makes eye contact; you nod your head and smile a bit as if to say ‘go ahead, we all know you can do this.’ Renjun then grips his golf club and swings it back to effortlessly hit the golf ball, rolling it along the green and perfectly into the hole.

You and the other caddies clap for the perfectly executed shot and Jeno and his father come up to Renjun to shake hands. They don’t look upset, instead they look pretty happy for Renjun. However, Renjun’s father is deathly silent, not even congratulating Renjun on his win. Renjun wasn’t expecting a whole ceremony for him, but it does feel nice to put his father down a peg or two today, and that’s the thought that fills Renjun’s head as everyone rides back to the country club.

While getting out of the golf cart, Renjun attempts to turn back to you but is promptly pulled away by the back of his jacket by his father. Renjun yelps and pulls away, but that doesn’t stop Lijun from grabbing onto his son’s arm instead and pulling him inside.

“What was that? I specifically told you to lose the game and you did the exact opposite. How am I supposed to talk to Mr. Lee now?” Renjun’s father fumes, his low voice belting out into the corridor and making some of the passing staff turn their heads.

“That’s not my problem.” Renjun shrugs and his father stops shaking, stepping closer to his son.

“Excuse me?” He asks with menace dripping from his tongue.

“I said, that’s not my problem.” Renjun is fired up. He doesn’t see a way out of this now, no way his behavior is being excused, so might as well go all in.

“You did it for that caddie, ___, right?” His father squints his eyes and turns his head slightly. When Renjun doesn’t answer, Lijun laughs in his face, “It looks like I’m right.”

“What?” Renjun asks dumbly.

“It’s okay. You’re just a boy and you can make some mistakes over a girl, we’ve all been there once or twice.” Lijun fixes Renjun’s jacket and pats his shoulder, his angry disposition turning passive. “Besides, you can’t do much for that girl anyway. Is a ball in a hole really all she deserves?”

“I won the game because I could. I won it because that’s what I wanted.” Renjun states, his blood beginning to boil once again when his father says he doesn’t deserve you. What is he thinking? Does he actually think he has a chance with you? He can keep dreaming.

“We can’t always do whatever we want. There are consequences we have to face for doing whatever we want. Are you ready to face the consequences?” At the question, Renjun is reminded about the words you told him Wednesday night.

‘Just do what makes you happy,’ Those simple words are so hard to turn into reality. Renjun wants to be happy so bad. He wants to be away from this man and he wants to be closer to you. The consequences? Sure, he’ll deal with it all if it means he can stop living in the personal hell his father set up for him. Renjun pushes his father away a bit and steps out of the trap his father pushed him into, making Lijun’s eyes widen.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” Renjun says and turns around, walking back towards the exit of the building.

“Hey, where are you going?” His father shouts after him.

“To do the thing that I want to do the most.” He yells back and walks around the corner, out of sight from his father. Renjun practically runs through the hallways to get back outside and run to you, but you surprise him by greeting him by the saunas. He stops in his steps and you smile as you walk up to him.

“Hey, I just wanted to tell you that you did really well today. I know I said I wanted you to win last week, but I didn’t think you’d actually do it.” You laugh.

“Thanks.” Renjun simply says, afraid of what else could come out if he keeps talking.

“Oh, I also want to give you these back.” You dig out Renjun’s gloves from your pocket, holding them out. This is it. This is the moment Renjun will start to do whatever makes him happy, whatever he wants.

And what he wants right now is you.

He quickly takes the gloves and then tightly grips the wrist of your outstretched hand, leading you down the hallway and around some corner. He hears you exclaim a small ‘woah’ but you let him guide you into a sauna, the door closing tightly behind both of you.

There’s no one else in the room, just the stuffy steam that floats in the small space between you two. Renjun has a tight grip on the gloves you gave back to him and his other hand runs through his hair and messes up the perfect form it held.

“Tell me to stop.” He demands, looking straight into your eyes.

“What?”

“Tell me to stop right now.” He takes a step forward, his eyes full to the brim with lust and his hands shaking with how much he’s holding himself together. You’ve barely been in the room for a minute, but your clothes are already sticking to you from the intense heat.

“I don’t understand,” You reply back as he keeps moving toward you. You take small steps back in return, “I don’t know what I’m stopping you from.” Half of you is playing dumb right now; you know what Renjun wants from you just by the look in his eyes. The other half just wants to hear him say it himself

“I’ll fuck you the way you deserve. Right here, right now.” Renjun’s voice is too angelic to say such nasty words, but he growls them out like he’s a tainted angel. You’re pressed against the wooden wall of the sauna now, Renjun just a step away. You lean into him slightly and rip the gloves out of his hand to throw them to the side.

“Do it.”

It’s all the permission Renjun needs to feverishly connect his lips to yours.

The action is so sudden, you don’t remember how Renjun got close to you so quickly. Despite his forcefulness before, his lips melt into you like chocolate melting over a fire, so hot and delicious that you just want more. His hands hold the sides of your face, pushing back your hair and his body pushing you back into the wall.

He sucks on your bottom lip, softly biting afterwards and making you let out a whimper, and then a moan when his thigh pushes between your legs and further presses you against the wall. Amidst the kissing, you find the zipper of his expensive jacket, unzip it, and pull the piece of clothing off. Afterwards, you pull his shirt off and break the kiss while you’re at it.

“I’ve been thinking about you in this skirt since….” Renjun hums at the thought, his hand sliding up your bare thighs and under your skirt, then he grips your ass and brings your core down onto his thigh, the friction enough to have you letting out a strangled moan.

“Since the day I first saw you.” He finally whispers and connects your lips once again. His hand on your ass doesn’t move, his other hand is placed on your waist as he helps you ride the rough material of his pants. Renjun can only watch your reactions; the way your head lolls back into the wall and your eyes screw shut, holding onto Renjun’s shoulders tight enough he’s sure there will be marks afterwards.

“Fuck— Renjun, don’t stop, please.” He’s mesmerized, absolutely addicted to how you look and sound right now, and it’s all because of him. The thought spurs him along, he removes your jacket and you blindly help him in removing your top and bra. You must look like a mess right now, especially since you’re coming close to your climax just by Renjun’s touch and his thigh. Not to mention the sweat dripping down both of you, a glistening sheen coating your skin that makes Renjun let out a low growl before he leans down and takes one of your nipples in his mouth.

He sucks and swirls his tongue, and you can’t help but moan his name again, digging your fingers into his blonde hair and tugging. Renjun moves from your chest downward, not letting an inch of your stomach and hips go past him without a kiss and a nibble, leaving you breathing heavily. He makes his way down to his knees and folds your skirt up, glancing at  you from his position.

“You don’t wear anything under here except your panties?” You nod, your head stuttering as Renjun applies pressure with his thumb over your slick hole, a wet spot already there to greet him.

“You’re so fucking dirty, baby.” He groans and leans in to swipe his tongue over your center making you shake as a response. He slides your underwear down and throws it somewhere to the side, catching the sigh of your arousal dripping down your thigh. His intense stare makes you shake him, embarrassment crawling over you at how he’s not reacting.

“Are you shy?” You whine, not really answering his question. “You don’t need to be. You’re beautiful.” The softness from his voice contradicts his more dominating tone from before, but you don’t have time to think about it before he dives in. You sigh in content when the pressure in between your hips caused by Renjun turns into pure pleasure. His tongue laps at your essence and his lips suck on your clit, you can tell he’s trying to find what exactly will make you tick.

When Renjun slides a finger into your hole unexpectedly, you jump and whimper a bit but the feeling of him sliding in and out along with his tongue circling and sucking on your clit makes a knot form in the pit of your stomach, tightening up your muscles and making your eyes roll back.

“Right there. Oh my god, right there…” You keep repeating, praying that Renjun treats you good and let’s you come. He adds another finger and you gasp, starting to move your hips in rhythm to his hand, holding onto his shoulders for more stability. He glances up at you, watching your eyes screw shut and your tits bounce as you use his hand to get yourself off. Renjun hums against you, and you can almost feel the ecstasy of coming undone, until Renjun pulls away. You groan, feeling like crying when your orgasm fades.

“Hey..” You whine, pouting when Renjun stands back up and licks your juices off of his lips. He has some on his chin and you bring your hand up to wipe it away, Renjun stopping your hand and kissing the wetness away, then kissing up your arm and to your shoulder, up your neck and to your ear. He tugs at your earlobe, licking the skin under it and biting some more, his hands sliding up your waist at playing with your nipples, pinching a little to get whimpers out of you and making your hips buck up, ready to continue where Renjun left you at.

That’s when you feel the hardness in his pants; it must be painful. That’s why you understand his next words, whispered into the shell of your ear between kisses: “You’re not coming until I’m in you, got it?”

You nod quickly, attaching your hands to Renjun’s zipper and button, undoing them and sliding down his pants.

“But, you’re gonna need to do something for me…” He says, helping you pull down his boxers, watching his angry, red length swing out. You gasp, feeling a bit bad that you just left Renjun like this to eat you out, but you’re sure you can make up to him now.

“What is it? I’ll do it.” Your hands run over Renjun’s sweaty shoulders, moving away some longer hair in the back of his head that’s sticking against his neck.

“You’re gonna have to yell my name. I need you to let everyone know who’s doing this to you— who’s making you feel good, okay?” Your breath gets caught in your throat as the words tumble out of his lips. He tilts his voice higher at the end of every phrase to make him sound innocent, but you’re not fooled.

“There’s people outside…” You mumble back, sending a glance at the door. You know there are several staff and customers walking along the hallways outside. What will they think if they hear you screaming Renjun’s name? Not to talk about what will happen to your job.

Those thoughts melt away when Renjun’s dick slides between your folds slowly, making you turn your gaze back to him and hold on tight as he lubricates himself over your wetness, holding onto your hips so that you don’t move and take anymore than what he’s giving you.

“That’s exactly why I want you to scream. Can you do that for me?” He asks and you nod frantically, doing almost anything to get his dick inside you. You’re not sure what’s going to happen once you step out of this room, but at least you know Renjun is going to give you the best fuck you’ve had in a while, and you know it’ll be worth it for what’s to come after all this.

“Finally…” You moan when Renjun’s length disappears into you inch by inch, going slow as to not hurt you. He sucks in a breath through his teeth as he bottoms out, picking up your thigh to hang it over his hip and wrapping his other arm around your waist to keep you close. You hold onto him, adjusting as he kisses your lips sweetly and carefully, and waits to move his throbbing cock through your velvety walls.

“Go, Renjun, move….” You whisper, and he looks at you confused.

“What was that? I didn’t hear you.” He asks, cocking his head.

“Please, move.” You say louder, but he shakes his head and purses his lips as if he still can’t understand.

“I said, fuck me, Renjun. Please, can you fuck me already?” You all but scream out, your voice almost cracking at how whiny you sound. No doubt, if someone passed by outside they would’ve heard you. The thought makes you tense up, but it feels so good to be able to yell out what you want.

“Your wish, baby.” Renjun mutters before he starts rocking into you. You both groan at the sensation, Renjun’s hips speeding up as he gains more momentum. His lips don’t leave yours, kissing you into oblivion while his dick stuffs you. He has you against the wall, his hips powering away and you don’t dare to disturb him, realizing he’s burning all of his anger away as well.

“Yes, Renjun, fuck me just like that…'' You moan loudly to spur him on, now not really caring about who’s outside or who hears you, just wanting Renjun to know you love how rough he’s going. He presses you higher up the wall and pulls your legs apart more, hitting a new angle that literally makes you scream out, tears mixing with the sweat on your face as he relentlessly pumps into you.

There are so many things going on at the same time. Your hard nipples and soft breasts rubbing against Renjun’s chest, making goosebumps rise on his arms. Your hot and sweaty bodies are basically sliding against each other. The clapping of his hips against yours no doubt attracts attention from outside along with your screams and Renjun’s grunts continuously get louder as you both get closer to the climax.

“I’m gonna come… Renjun, come in me…” You’re already fucked out, the words barely leaving your lips coherently, but Renjun understands and moves his finger down to find your clit, circling his thumb fast and steady, just like everything else he’s doing.

“C’mon come on my cock, babe. Let it out, I wanna hear it.” And just like that, you unwind and scream his name as your orgasm washes over and takes control, making you claw onto any part of Renjun that you can reach. Renjun feels your walls deliciously convulse around him and with a few more sloppy thrusts, he comes into you and fills you up, staying wrapped up in you as you both calm down.

Renjun presses small kisses wherever he feels like as your breathing settles down, his softness and the caring way he rubs at your sides and hips where he was holding so hard that you’re sure to have bruises makes you smile hazily.

“___… I don’t regret any of this.” He whispers into your skin, leaning back to look at you properly. “Do you?”

“No.” You answer truthfully, making his eyes shine and you both smile dumbly, your sticking bodies relaxing. The happy moment doesn’t last long before there’s a knock on the door to the sauna. You and Renjun stiffen up as you glance at the door, waiting for whoever it is to announce themselves.

“Renjun? Son?” Your heart drops to your stomach and you cover your mouth at the voice of Renjun’s father on the other side of the door, but when you turn to Renjun, he doesn’t seem bothered. He sends a smile at you and moves some hair from your face before answering.

“Occupied, go somewhere else. We’re busy.”

[animehideout]

Toman’s Little Fighter.

Draken x fem.Reader oneshot 

Genre : fluff- angst-happy ending

Warnings: mention of violence-blood-kidnapping-swearing words.

Word count: 5.9k

Summary: Draken is assigned to convince badass (y\n) to join Toman for certain reasons. They have a dynamic relationship full of bickering. They end up falling for each other and confess under difficult circumstances.

“Ah what a day finally school is over” you said to yourself ruffling your hair and carrying your heavy school bag. “Huh what’s that sound?” you frowned and rushed to the source “ah really brats bullying a kid again? Why do they do that, should I help him or should I stop getting into fights this time?” you said watching them from a far. Three big guys were beating up the shit out of a boy. “ah shit I think I’ll never change” you breathed and walked towards them. The guy was about to throw a punch to knock that boy out but was suddenly stopped by a strong grip. All of them looked at you in disbelief, who are you? And what are you trying to do? “Are you lost beautiful?” said that guy smirking, the other two approached you one of them put his hand on your shoulder “How can we help you?” “Take your hands off of me brat” you said slapping his hand away and pushing the other guy’s fist that was stopped by you. “wow wow are you trying to get our attention huh? you can just ask honey” said the 3rd guy smirking “ple-ease leave d-don’t get yourself into trouble because of me” said that boy coughing on the ground, you smiled and said “don’t worry it will be fine” then you turned your face to look at them “3 VS 1? That’s not a fair fight…but it’s fair for me” “you better leave this place or I have to smash that beautiful face” “give it a shot then or you’re scared to get your ass beaten by a woman” you teased throwing your school bag on the ground ready to fight,  the guy was fueling with anger “you little-“ he ran in your direction and  grabbed your collar you twisted his hand making him growl in pain then you used your free hand to punch his stomach making him fall. The other two tried to grab your hands to stop your attacks but you were faster and more flexible and punched one of them on his nose making it bleed. It didn’t take you long to finish the fight, so when the other guy tried to fight you, you turned around then kicked his jaw (round side kick) knocking him down as well. “bunch of idiots. Ah I fucking hate bullies” you said fixing your skirt. You looked down “are you okay?” he nodded still shocked from the fight that happened before his eyes. Before you can say something else someone yelled “TAKEMICHI” both of you looked and there were 3 guys looking at you, you clenched your fists you thought they wanted to hit him “oh Mikey” said Takemichi. “so his name is Takemichi” you thought to yourself. You bend a bit to his level and said “well you’re safe now! Next time don’t stop defending yourself, even if your knees are on the ground you’re still able to stand up” you flushed him another smile then grabbed your bag and left. He was stunned by your presence. “excuse me!” said Mikey, you turned your head to look at him “thank you” he added, you just nodded and glanced at the two guys who were looking at you in pure shock and disbelief. “Draken, Mitsuya come here” said Mikey smiling, “Mikey did you see her?” asked Takemichi “she..she fought them” “yes we saw everything” “why didn’t you come?” “Well we rushed here to save you but we stopped the moment we saw her beat all of them up” exclaimed Draken. “Mikey don’t tell me that you’re thinking about that?” asked Mitsuya after seeing Mikey’s excited expression “Actually I am” he stopped for a moment then looked at Draken “oi ken-chin, I have a mission for you!” “huh?” “go after her.. you have to know where she lives, and you’ll start the plan tomorrow” “Mikey are you insane! There’s no way she would agree!!” fought Draken, “Yes Mikey , she even thought they were bullies I’m sure if she knew they’re actually gang members she wouldn’t rush to my rescue!” everyone nodded in agreement “but she knocked them down right? That’s what matters. C’mon you saw her fighting skills…Woah she was cool” “Mikey-“ “That’s my final decision Draken, you have to do your best to convince her, and the rest is up to her” added Mikey getting on his motorcycle. “good luck!” muttered Takemichi, in return Draken rolled his eyes and rushed after you. You were walking to your house kicking rocks and lost in your thoughts “ah that tall guy looked so hot tho” you felt something strange, you felt like someone was following you “oh maybe it’s just a cat”..”Shit she almost caught me…so she lives here.. hmm not too far” he said as he saw you open your house’s door.  *The next day* “hurry up Draken” “damn it Mikey don’t be too excited about it”. It was a normal day for you ready to go to the martial arts club when someone suddenly appeared in front of you “hey” “oh hell- I saw you yesterday! You’re the hot gu- I- I mean you were there” “I don’t have time so you have to come with me” he said coldly “excuse you? Hah where are you planning to take me?” “to meet the Toman’s president” “Toman?” “Our gang” “g-gang?” you said as you took a step backward “and why would I meet your president or whatever?”. Draken took a deep breath clearly pissed “well that’s an order so you better come with me now” “or what?” “You’re really begging for trouble, aren’t you?” ”first all, whatever your name is, I don’t take orders-” “my name is Draken” “Okay Draken! move aside or I’ll be late and that’s a big no no for me” you walked beside him but he grabbed your wrist “Don’t lie school is over” “I still go to school clubs..is that a problem?” you answered offensively trying to pull your hand from his strong grip. “I’ll be back tomorrow”, then left, without giving you the chance to answer.  You were so confused why the hell a gang member is at your door, why his leader wants to meet you. All of these questions rushed inside your head but now he’s gone so probably you’ll ask him tomorrow if he had the courage to comeback. *Time skip* “you’re here again?” “listen I’m not trying to force you or-“ “oh really ? Because it doesn’t seem like that at all!” you said crossing your arms “it’s just a suggestion” “and I said no! is it hard to get it in your brain?”  “I can’t give up, this mission is my responsibility” “why would I trust you?”you exclaimed approaching him “and why would we hurt you? You saved our member so we have no intention to harm you” “please Draken just give up I’m not joining you, I want to have a normal life” in less than a second you were pinned to the wall, you gasped and looked at the man towering you, he was so close to you making your heart skip a beat “listen if the situation was in my hands I would never recruit someone like you, but unfortunately it’s Mikey’s decision” he said in a cold tone his eyes fixated on you. You pushed his chest and yelled “the hell are you doing?” he just gave you a death glare and left “YOU’RE CRAZY DON’T COME HERE EVER AGAIN-is he ignoring me?…that bastard!” you ruffled your hair and get into your house. *In Mikey’s garage* “Ken-chin finally you’re here…did you convince her?” “that brat ah she’s so stubborn” he said punching the wall “I don’t know why you’re so interested in her Mikey” “ah? Isn’t that obvious? she’s a strong fighter we need her” “NO WE DON’T MIKEY…we have all of these men. Aren’t they enough?” “no..” said Mikey munching on his dorayaki.  Days passed and Draken is still trying, he’s so fed up with you and the whole situation. Like he can just throw you on his shoulder and take you with him but Mikey warned him to not scare you away. “DRAKEN YOU NEED TO GO NOW” “huh chifuyu what’s wong?” “They’ll go after her! They knew about her address and they’re planning to kidnap her” “WHAT?WHY?” “did you forget that she knocked out 3 of them?-wait she doesn’t know that they were gang members?” asked Baji “…no..” “Draken “go get her before they can reach her house” “Draken I’ll go with you” said Takemichi “no stay here I’ll handle it” said Draken rushing out to save you. *meanwhile* “he didn’t come today I think he finally gave up…that’s better” you thought to yourself walking in your neighborhood. You were ready to take the stairs to your apartment when you saw 3 motorcycles there and 3 guys waiting by the stairs “huh who are they?” you took a step forward but stopped when you realized that you actually know that uniform, you gasped “no way did they come here to fight me again…aah bullies” unexpectedly you said the last word a bit loud. All of them looked at you “oh shit” and you started running all the groceries fell on the ground  “GO AFTER HER” all of them are now chasing you, they were so fast “YOU CANT RUN AWAY FROM US”. You stopped looking behind you when a hand closed your mouth and pulled you into an alley. Your back bumped into someone’s chest, you struggled to break free but you couldn’t “shhh”. Then you saw the guys run to the other direction and you were safe “stop squirming” you recognized the voice so you bit his hand that was on your mouth “ahh what the fuck” What you are doing here?” “Is that how you thank me for helping you?” “Well I didn’t ask for you help I could have handled it myself” “listen I’m not in the mood to argue with you! We’ve been arguing for the past two weeks” “then leave” he took a deep breath and approached you “they’re not bullies!” “Huh what do you mean?” “They’re from a dangerous gang, they’re our rivals and they wanted to kidnap you because you caused injuries to their members last time..So you’re not safe..At least for now” your eyes widened did you just beat up gang members? “What did I get myself into” “exactly! We didn’t know that they’re after you but I guess that’s another reason to make you come with me…i-I’ll protect you” you looked down, the situation is bigger than you thought “ahh I never learn” you said as you hit your head on the wall “I’m *hit* so *hit* stupid” “hey hey stop you’re so weird you know” said Draken placing his hand on your forehead so you wouldn’t hurt your head “I need to go to my house first I need to  bring some things” “that means you’re coming right?” you shrugged and said “however I don’t need your protection, I’m able to do it” he rolled his eyes and followed you sneaking into your house so they can’t catch you. “Take this” “huh?” “Wear this for your safety” “who said that I wanna ride your motorcycle?” “Stop being stubborn for once ..can you?” “I rather walk than get on this with you” “okay you wanna act like this then?” You ignored him and started walking but you felt two strong arms lift you up. “DRAKEN PUT ME DOWN NOW” you yelled trying to break from his arms but for nothing. He put you on the motorcycle and forced you to wear the helmet, you huffed in return, giving up, you couldn’t start an argument. He then started the ride, “is this your first time riding a motorcycle?” he asked “y-yes” “then put your arms around my waist or-“ “no I won’t” “listen idiot I’m just trying to get you safe to Mikey or else trust me I wouldn’t care” “so why you saved me from the bull- I mean from that gang?” , it was an awkward silence before he could answer, he didn’t expect a question like this “just for Mikey or else-“ “you wouldn’t care yeah!” you finished his sentence. You slowly circled your arms around his torso but you kept your distance from him, you didn’t push your body on his back and your arms were faintly wrapped around him. “Should I teach her a lesson” said Draken to himself and started the ride at full speed making you panic. You quickly tightened your grip around him and buried your head in his back  “slow down you brat aaaaah” you said shutting your eyes, he just smirked enjoying how scared you were. After like 15mins he stopped “here we are” you looked up and realized how close you were, you could feel his defined stomach..that feeling made you blush a bit and you quickly pulled away. You were a bit dizzy from the ride “you almost killed both of us” you said angrily trying to forget about how embarrassing the situation was “where’s the badass (y\n) or you’re being a coward now?” . You started walking with Draken, there were a lot people there when they saw both of you they started bowing. You walked behind Draken who was putting his hands in his pocket; the situation was so awkward you were stealing glances from all direction, holding your bag to your chest.”Ken-chin finally” said Mikey “you must be (y\n)” he added giving you his eye smile. You nodded and smiled a bit “c’mon lets show you the place and let you meet the other” he said excitedly guiding you. “oh Takemichi?” you muttered, finally recognizing someone, his body and face were full of wounds as usual “this man is really a punching bag” you thought to yourself. “so guys this is (y\n)..(y\n) this is Baji captain of first division and that’s Chifuyu the vice-captain…this handsome man over here is Mitsuya the 2nd division captain and this is the vice-captain Hakkai…the others are on a mission one of them is Pah-chin the 3rd division captain..you’ll meet them later” all of them approached you and started shaking your hand “Mikey told us how you saved Takemichi” said chifuyu “you’re so brave!!” added Baji. “They’re friendly not like Draken” you thought to yourself smiling to the boys in front of you then shifting your eyes to glare at Draken. “you must be good friends with Draken..” said Mitsuy. You and Draken looked at each other not sure how to react “trust me she’s the human version of headaches” said Draken “you little shit..no one forced you to come everyday to my house” then again you started bickering as usual. All of the boys were confused and looked at each other like what the hell is going on. Finally Mikey interrupted you “oh guys ehm well I hope you’ll be able to get along cuz you’ll spend more time together” “WHAT?” both of you yelled “yes*smile* Draken you’ll help her in training besides she’ll be with us” “Mikey no, put her in the 2nd divison, I’m sure Mitsuya will do better than me” “you have to work on your relationship as well” added Mikey. Both of you sighed in defeat there’s no way Mikey would change his mind and now you’re stuck together. Mikey wanted to test your fighting abilities again in order to make you stronger. Everyone was there all the captains and the vice-captains “hm what about you fight Ken-chin” said Mikey, not gonna lie you were terrified a bit, Draken is a strong guy and he easily pinned you to the wall several times but you couldn’t show it, you had to be confident especially in front of them, now you’re part of the gang and you have to prove it. You’ll do your best to try and defeat Draken at least throw a proper punch at his face. He walked in the center a cold look on his face…well you realized that it’s actually his natural expression. Your guards were up, your foot positioned to not lose balance “you think you can defeat me?” he said a cocky smile on his face “same question for you…Draken”. And fight, the combat began you successfully dodged his fists, this man didn’t hesitate he was so serious about it. All you did was to dodge his hits, you didn’t attack him, he was so fast, taller and bigger than you but you waited for the right moment. He grabbed your arm and twisted it behind your back while both of you were looking at each other; you frowned and used your knee to hit his stomach, “NICE” shouted Mikey and the others cheering on you. “You’re supposed to cheer on- urgh” said Draken only to receive a punch on his face, he was distracted and didn’t expect your attack.. his face was turned to the other side making him lose his balance, you seized the opportunity and jumped on him making him fall on the ground wrapping your legs around him trying to stop him from moving, in less than a minute he flipped you, your back hitting the hard ground making you growl in pain, and now he was on top of you, used on hand to pin yours on top of your head and the other softly wrapped around your neck, you struggled and kicked your legs everywhere but he was so heavy and slowly you felt your muscles become numb “you give up?”  “never” . The boys were impressed despite being pinned on the ground you did your best to fight him and to make him fall. “do you smell something?” said Baji “yeah..a lot of interesting things are about to happen between these two” added Mitsuya. For a moment you got lost in Draken’s eyes, remembering the feeling of his toned body. You shook your head trying to push those thought away “get off of me” you said headbutting him (when you hit someone’s face with your forehead) and quickly you stood up rushing to Mikey “you did well” said Chifuyu patting your head “you’re impressive, you proved yourself by fighting this big bear” said Baji pointing at Draken “tch” is the only thing you received from Drake.. was he mad because you made him fall? You shrugged and continued your chat with the boys without noticing him leave. Days passed and you grew closer to all of the boys especially Mitsuya, he was the one to keep you sane, your bickering with Draken became a daily routine and the others are now used to it, once you start arguing no one can stop you, not even Mikey. Mikey was hopeless but deep down he knows that you care for each other. Even if you don’t realize it, even if you fight everyday, the others can realize how protective Draken is, how he keeps his eyes on you when you’re paired up with someone else but he always deny it, instead he says that enjoys seeing you beaten up by someone else. You, you really thought Draken hates you, because he was forced to instruct and train you. At first you weren’t allowed to join them in fights they wanted to make sure you’re able to defend yourself without getting seriously injured. But after a lot of intense training that lasted for a month without forgetting the support you’ve received from all of them. Now you’re fully capable.  “(y\n) I have something for you” said Mikey holding a bag “what is it?” “as you know you’ll participate in the next mission that’s why you need a uniform right?” Mikey and Draken saw how you’re eyes lit up and how you held your hands together to your chest waiting for Mikey to show you the uniform. “Tada” you gasped when you saw it, it was similar to theirs but a bit girlish. “C’mon put it on ..We’ll wait you out there” you grabbed the uniform quickly changing into it. It hugged your body perfectly, you lifted your hair up in a ponytail and put on your fav boots and headed out to join the others. The moment you stepped out all the eyes fell on your figure. You smiled in satisfaction “wow” said Mitsuya “you look so gorgeous” he added taking your hand spinning you. All of them made comments on how beautiful and how the uniform suited you perfectly. But Draken kept his distance looking at you without making any comment; he didn’t even tease you as usual or insult you. You looked at him and your eyes met, you were about to say something but he turned his back and left. You felt your heart ache a bit, why would he do that? You didn’t do anything wrong to him to earn his hate. Your expressions changed and looked down. Everyone else noticed how upset you were but only a few knew that it was because of Draken. You excused yourself and followed Draken. “Draken” you yelled searching for him, he vanished. You got enough of his behavior and attitude towards you. You wanted to make everything clear and talk it out with him. You were busy searching…everywhere. “Oh look who’s here” but before you can turn around you got hit on the back of your head making you fall down unconscious.*Time skip* “hey hey wake up” said someone slapping your face. Your vision was a bit blurry becoming clear slowly. Your head was spinning. You tried to stand up but you couldn’t as your hands and legs were tied to a chair. “Remember me beautiful?” “You asshole” you said trying to get rid of your dizziness. “We will keep you here and tomorrow you’ll go with us to the big fight I’m sure your friends want to see you”. *Meanwhile* “do you think they’re alright?” “maybe they’re arguing again” “Draken can be an asshole sometimes”.. the boys were busy talking about you both when Draken arrived “did someone mention my name?” “ken-chin finally you’re here, you spent a long time out with (y\n)! did you make sure to walk her home?” “(y\n)?” he said clearly confused “b-but we weren’t together” everyone panicked, their eyes widened “s-she went after you when you left” “it was your fault in the first place” said Mitsuya eyes burning with anger, he grabbed Draken by his collar pushing him to the wall “you made her upset, whenever she tries to talk with you, you push her away” “WHAT THE FUCK MITSUYA, OUR RELATIONSHIP IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” “she’s my best friend so it is MY BUSINESS” “best friend you say huh? Because it doesn’t seem like that…both of you look like lovers so stop hiding behind your ‘bestfriend’ thing” “you’re really an asshole Draken” both of them started fighting throwing punches and insults at each other’s faces, everyone struggled to pull them away from each other “STOP BOTH OF YOU” shouted Takemichi “how can you both be so careless about (y\n), do you really care about her?” said Mikey angrily “we don’t know anything about her, she may be caught by that bastard and you’re here fighting over you stupid feelings” exclaimed Baji, both of them looked down realizing their mistakes “instead of running away Draken, you could have talked to her and stop hiding your feelings” said Pah-chin  “what feelings” he said looking up, eyes wide and heart racing in his chest, does he really have feelings for you. Questions burned in his throat but he’s the one who have answer he just gotta look deep down…in his heart. “We don’t have time for that we have to go and look for her now”. Everyone rushed ready to get on their motorcycles when someone called Mikey. *On the phone* “Mikey I bet you’re worried as hell now” “you motherfucker where did you take her?” “calm down she’s safe..well for now at leas-“ Draken rushed to Mikey and snatched the phone “if you dare to lay a finger on her I’ll chop your hands off” “oh it’s you vice-president..your little girl is with us..she just needs some punishment for what she’s done to our fighters” “don’t you dare..I’ll end your life” “little girl was looking for you everywhere screaming your name…easy to catch, too distracted that we caught her easily” “I’ll find you and I’ll kill you” “no need to find me, we’ll be at the big fight tomorrow and she’ll come along” then he hung up. Draken’s hands were shaking with anger..his heart almost reaching his throat. “Ken-chin! What did he say?” he was just looking down, thinking about you about the possibility of you getting hurt and it was because of him..Because he was a coward running away from you..running away from his feelings. At that moment he realized how much you’re important to him and how he’s willing to do whatever it takes to keep you safe..was it love?..he realized how his heart skips a bit whenever he sees your face..how he feels like punching something when he sees you with Mitsuya. Was it a coincidence? “no” he said to himself..it was love. “Draken for god’s sake focus” he snapped out of his thoughts, veins popping in his face and neck “he said that he’ll bring her tomorrow to our big fight” Mitsuya approached Draken and said putting his hand on his shoulder “you’re the only one who knows very very well that (y\n) is so strong, she doesn’t give up easily no matter what..stay strong for her” “if something happens to her I’ll never forgive myself”..that’s the first time everyone get to see Draken sad like that..he’s usually strong, never showing his weak side to the point that everyone doubts if he actually has a weakness “we can’t leave her there” said Chifuyu out of the blue “we can’t wait till the morning” “fuck of course we can’t” all the boys gathered setting a plan then all of them rushed to their motorcycles, Mikey gave Draken a comforting smile, squeezing his hand softly “everything will be okay..stay strong ..for her..she needs you the most”. *Meanwhile* “That vice-president was extremely worried about you..haha love birds” “should we touch what’s his this time?” “l-love?...don’t you dare touch me I’LL KILL YOU” you yelled your lungs out. That man approached you slowly his hand grabbing your neck and his nose nuzzled in your ear whispering “shh stay still  beautiful we still have a long night ahead” “you fucker you’ll pay for this” he lips now were on your neck sucking on your soft skin…tears streamed down your cheeks “ stop yelling, instead let me hear you moan”. That guy wasn’t planning to do something serious to you he just wanted to give you a hickey for Draken to see, he wanted nothing than to make him suffer. Draken was able to take him down in almost every fight and now he can take his revenge by marking his girl. His lips then moved to your face but you were able to hit him with your forehead..he put his hand on his nose and slapped you. It was the moment Toman arrived..the fight reserved for tomorrow started earlier than it was expected “oh shit” said that guy  “how did they find us…come here we need to hide you” you started screaming and bit his hand when he tried to cover your mouth. “leave her alone” said Draken entering the room “ I said leave . her . alone “ gritting his teeth, the guy pushed you making you fall and run towards Draken thinking he stands a chance against him. Draken punched the guy but unexpectedly two others appeared from behind and grabbed Draken’s hands “DRAKEN BE CAREFUL” you yelled “let go of him” “(y\n) are you insane, we came here to save you just go, leave this place” “no Draken please..” you said failing to hold you tears, your nose was bleeding. Draken was unable to move his hand in their strong grip  and the other guy held a stick ready to him but you ran and threw yourself in front of Draken receiving the hit. You fell in Draken’s chest, your forehead bleeding you looked up at him and smiled your eyes slowly closing. The Toman joined you there and beat the shit out of the others. “(y\n) wake up please..please” said Draken brushing his shaking fingers against your cheeks a tear fell on his face “let’s take her to the hospital” said Mitsuya..all of them were worried about you. “what’s that is that a-“ Draken’s eyes widened when he saw the hickey, he put you down gently and went to that guy, he was already on the ground, he passed out from all the punches “you dare to touch her and put your filthy lips on her…I swear I’ll smash your face” everyone pulled him away before he could kill him, he probably succeeded in breaking his nose. “guys (y\n)! she’s moving” yelled Chifuyu to be joined by the others “slowly..help her sit” “ahh m-my head” you said holding your head “i-it h-hurts” their eyes softened at your sight. They brought you water and Mikey gave you something sweet to eat so you can gain your energy, luckily he moves around with snacks in his pocket. Baji wiped your blood and tied your hair so you can breathe comfortably. Now you’re fully awake munching on the dorayaki, sitting on the ground “do you feel better?” you hummed in response “did he do something to you, did he touch you?”asked Draken, you shook your head “he tried to kiss my lips but it hit him” his fists are now clenching and kicked the chair making you flinch “damn Draken calm down, she’s safe now” everyone excused themselves to give you privacy so you and Draken can talk. There you were, looking at each other awkwardly “You joining our gang was the biggest mistake that Mikey has ever done” “really Draken? After all of this you’re insisting on insulting me huh? You didn’t get enough of hurting my feelings don’t you?” now your eyes watering, tears threatening to fall again but you aggressively blinked them away. “look at you beaten up and you’re not expecting me to worry about you? That fucker tried to kiss you or maybe even fuck you” “but he didn’t and I’m safe now” “why did you throw yourself like that, why did you receive the hit?” “is this how you thank someone for helping you..tch” “I’m supposed to keep you safe it’s not your job to help me” “and you’re not my bodyguard Draken I’m part of Toman now I believe I fought till the end-“ “you can’t get hurt” “why? Does it matter to you? You hurt my feelings on a daily basis, did you consider that? Ofc not” “I WAS SO FUCKING WORRIED” “WHY DRAKEN WHY WOULD YOU BE WORRIED ABOUT SOMEONE YOU HATE?” “I FUCKING LOVE YOU (y\n)” both of you stopped in tracks, you looked at him in shock, did he just confess his feelings? You thought he hated you “w-what ? D-draken ?” he looked away “yes i-I do” “you idiot all this time I thought you hated me” you said grabbing his collar and gently punching his chest “I felt hopeless and now you didn’t even confess properly…aggressive as always tch” “you’re unbelievable I told you that I love you what I am supposed to do get on one knee?” “save that to the proposal.. you’re really a dumb  who acts smart” “p-proposal?” “hey calm down I’m just kidding, gosh “ “no no I promise I’ll propose to you one day” you smiled at his sudden softness “oh you’re being soft now” you teased “you’re really getting on my nerves now…just shut up” “make me” you said smirking…man that drove him crazy he approached you, held your little face in his big hand and planted a kiss on your lips, you growled a bit and then pulled away “what you didn’t like the ki-“ “ no no it’s just I have a cut on my lip so kissing hurts a bit” you said blushing “oh okay I’m sorry” “I didn’t say you can’t kiss me tho” you ended your sentence by pulling him to you, kissing his lips hungrily, you wrapped your arms around his neck, he lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his torso his arms holding your hips, his lips moved to your neck kissing each part of it and sucking at your skin “you . belong . to . me”, you pulled away trying to catch your breath, your head fell on his shoulder, you hugged him tight and whispered a soft ” I love you too Draken”. He then put you on your feet and walked you to his motorcycle, everyone was waiting for you “guys we heard everything” joked Baji “yeah guys you were really really loud” everyone laughed and you were a blushing mess “ I can’t believe it..that’s what you call a (y\n) effect, Draken you’re really blushing”. After that you went back to Mikey’s house , you told your family that you’ll spend the night with Emma. *At Mikey’s house* “ take off your shirt” said Draken holding the aid kit “why is it bothering you that much?” you teased “just take it off right now” “no why would I do it…em I’m not ready yet” “huh? Isn’t obvious? I have to check your wounds” “oh is that so” you gasped dramatically. “Eventually I’ll see you naked so no need to be shy now”. You slowly took off your shirt but you still have your sports top on. He gently massaged your shoulder and your back and treated each wound carefully, he left soft kisses on the back of your neck. “c’mon lay on bed now, take those pills they’re helpful for your headache” he kissed your temple and held his jacket ready to leave but you stopped him  “can you stay here for tonight?” “really?” “yeah ask Mikey if it’s okay to stay over” “..that’s my second house so I don’t need his permission..move to the side a bit” you did as he said then he laid next to you, he pulled the covers up and put his arms on your waist spooning you. Your bodies pressed to each other. Feeling each part of you. He kissed your head and whispered a “sleep tight my little fighter”. Both of fell asleep quickly, after an exhausting evening. Sleeping soundly in each other’s embrace. “shh they’re sleeping” “they’re so cute together” said the boys and Emma as they entered the room, they didn’t expect to see Draken cuddling next to you but it was a cute view the big strong bear being soft and cuddly for the first time. Mitsuya was so happy for both of you, he really considered you as his best friend more like a sister. All of them were extremely happy, finally Draken found his soulmate. All of them are ready to fight for both of you and to protect you and your relationship no matter what. “ah I’m jealous now Draken will be so protective over her, we won’t be able to spend much time with her” Said Takemichi pouting “Nah guys don’t worry (y\n) will always remain Toman’s little fighter.” Said Mikey proudly. All of them spent the night there they even fell asleep in the same room, so when you wake up in the morning don’t freak out when you see all of them sleeping  peacefully.

[mossterious]

S4 thoughts as I Go!!!

MERLIN VS THE KITCHEN STAFF! IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!!!

I love that Merlin and Arthur will forever be bitches to each other. It is a love language. An artform, even.

Oh rip Uther he is dealing with the consequences of his actions

Oh wait okay so we have ANOTHER time skip. Fun.

HEY. HEY ARTHUR. UNCLES ARE ALWAYS EVIL. GET OUTTA THERE.

PERCIVAL CARRYING THE KIDS YAYYYYYY

Yeah that’s right it’s a naked moleratttttt (I love you wilddeoren)

Fuck you evil uncle man.

GWEN IS GONNA BE SUCH A GOOD QUEEN LOOK AT HER GOOOOOOOOO

Elyan also rules now that he is allowed a personality

LANCELOT. HEY. NO. WTF. HEY. NO. LAMCELOT????? NO.

Anyway me and my brother were discussing that when Lance died he should’ve written in his will that 1) Merlin is his weird magic gay son and 2) the knights should know he has MAGIC and NO SURVIVAL INSTINCTS

Secondly we also decided that you could get Merlin to do literally ANYTHING just by saying it’s a prophecy. Like- “you are destined to eat 3 square meals a day or Camelot will fall” or “if you do not get 8 hours of sleep the kingdom will never know peace”.

The average person in Camelot gets enchanted 0 times in their life, Enchantment Arthu is an outlier adn should not have been counted

OLD MERLIN OLD MERLIN OLD MERLIN (part deux!)

Merlin looks so sad and wet and cry-y

Also Merlin literally is NOT allowed easy simple choices my poor sweet boy

If you cannot tell Uther is fuckin dead

Dragon baby, Dragon baby, come along to Dragon Baby-

ARTHUR NO STOP MAKING BAD CHOICES

AND DONT YOU DARE ME MEAN TO GWEN. DONT YOU DARE BE MEAN TO GWEN. ARTHUR. NO.

Poor sad grief baby.

The evil uncle really is peak evil uncle tho. Plotting murders, manipulating boy kings, conspiring with the largest enemy of the kingdom- he’s clearing off the whole damn checklist.

The fight between Arthur and that champion from the other kingdom, it was literally just Morgana and Merlin play fighting with dolls it’s so funny. Like yeah, those two guys are fighting, but actually Morgana and Merlin are playing chess in the bg

ARTHURS GIVING GWEN FLOWERS AND APOLOGIZING AWWW LOOK AT HIM GOOOOOOOOOO

OH YAY KILLER MERLIN TIME

I love how Merlin is always a bitch but now he’s a slightly different flavour of bitch and everyone’s like ‘woah he’s DIFFERENT’

Leon fully thinking that Merlin was joking about the crossbow. God I love him.

Thank god Gaius and Gwen figured out the mind fuckery that quickly

GWEN OUT OF NOWHERE WITH THE STEEL WATER JUG

Old Merlin again again againnnnnnn

And it means that Merlin gets to do all the magic he wants ehe :) look at him go :)

btw my mom is SO GLAD that the intro changed from young boy to young man. So happy.

I’m just glad that we get all the tavern jokes now. I love it sm.

I keep getting stressed out that Merlin has new clothes this season. Why he is in a DIFFERENT BLUE SHIRT? AND A EVER SO SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT BANDANA??? A RED SHIRT?????? A GREEN BANDANA???????? nooooooooo he doesn’t look rightttttttt

GWAINEEEEE

Elyan standing up for Merlin when he’s being the acting physician <333

Gwaine !!!

Also holy moly this post is long I apologise

The Lamia is so funny because it’s like- technically it doesn’t work on Merlin because he has magic. But also it’s kinda cuz he’s the only gay guy in a sea of bi knights. HOWEVER, Gwen is also immune because of being a woman, but Gwen is also so very bi to me… which means either the lamia just can’t use magic on any woman since THE LAMIA is straight, or Gwen is ace and demi-ro, which I’m liking more and more.

#1 rule of Camelot NEVER ACCEPT JEWELLERY EVER.

The Lancelot shit is well done tbh but also GAH I HATE IT

ARTHUR STOP BEING MEAN TO YOURSELF YOU LOVE GWEN YOU IDIOTTTTTT

However Merlin sabotaging Arthur’s new marriage IS hilarious

But the new fiancée is SO CUTE. I like that they weren’t like ‘anyone but Gwen just fundamentally sucks!’ No she’s cute actually. Perfect wife material. Kind and funny and not easily embarrassed and genuinely liked Arthur and a good political match- But she’s not Gwen, and that’s the important bit.

Deer Gwen !!!

Oh yay everything’s gone to shit!!!

SANTIAGO IWTV??? WHY ARE YOU HEREEEEEEEE!?! (I did not recognise him besides a ‘he is SOMEONE’)

Also Merlin and Arthur fighting together super in sync!!! Merlin tossing the crossbow bolt- they’re so CUTE.

Arthur’s cunty peasant crop top

Gwen!!!

THEYRE SO CUTE AND I HATE THEM! ARTHUR GOING BACK FOR MERLIN AHHHHH

Also we are NOT talking about Isolde’s absolutely terrible ‘warrior’ leather tank top. We just aren’t talking about it. At all. This is me not talking about it. (GOD ITS SO BAD WITH HER TIMELESS BEACH WAVES AND HER LEATHER CROP TOP ARMOUR-)

GWAINEEEEEEEE

Elyan and Percival’s bestiesm means so much to me btw. I love them.

ITS CORINATION DAY! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVERRRRR-

Gwen’s dress is beautiful, her crown is even cooler, and Merlin HAS ANOTHER NEW SHIRT

Baby dragon!

They keep giving Morgana an evil bestie, killing them off, and then just giving her a new evil bestie??? She could just be evil by herself!!!

*sees knew character* EVILLL. And! I’m! Always! Right!

Side note- Gauis’ hair???????

MORDRED HI HONEY!!!

We are now differentiating young Mordred by calling him Mini Mordred btw

I love Merlin calling the dragon it’s always so fun idk man

I’m finally watching Merlin!!! I cannot tell you why I never have before.

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

perfect now - a close reading

only pure and true love for this one. it’s soft and sweet because the one he wrote it for is and needs cheesy uncool romcom soundtrack-worthy affirmations and it’s the most wonderful thing oh my the flurries 

some album booklet art for your viewing pleasure

((just a warning for below: while the lyric analysis was kept fairly neutral and close to the words and their meaning, more and more parallels did ensure me larrying out by the time the analysis kicked off so if you’re not into that, you can skip this one!))

⟼ check out @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s magnificent post with all the parallels to 1d/h&l bc it’s exhaustive and was a source for mine <3 thank you again for your service <3 bc this song really is a fanpiece of every song that has been important to them throughout their career so far, whether they wrote it or not, and it’s honestly kinda impressive

SUMMARY

you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway

lyric breakdown ft. the many parallels, incl. little things, through the dark and wmyb

what this says about louis, his partner and the relationship he is in

never gonna dance again frenzy

identity 

louis is a marvellous majestic sonofabitch basically <3

walls, track 10

～ little things “you still have to squeeze into your jeans, but you’re perfect to me”

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

later lyric: “like a neon sign” - i see through you trying to hide away your insecurities

I wish that you could see my point of view As someone staring back at you

“you” is also staring at him, but perhaps is too insecure to realise how mutual the adoration is

i wish i could get you out of your own negative spiral and give you a look at yourself from my perspective

～ wmyb “everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you” 

～ wmyb “right now i’m looking at you and i can’t believe you don’t know you’re beautiful”

～ little things “you never love yourself half as much as I love you, and you’ll never treat yourself right darling but I want you to. If I let you know, I’m here for you, maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you”

On Friday night when we’re all out I turn to you and you’re looking down And you don’t wanna dance I know you love to dance You never stop given half the chance

heavy echoes of kmm again, but the opposite: the “nightmare on the dance floor” doesn’t want to dance

when “you” is confident rlly not being subtle with who i think that is, they love to dance <-> tpwk “feeling good in my skin, i just keep on dancing”

“i know you love to dance” = i know what you love bc i love you

“given half the chance” 

～ tpwk “giving/given second chances”

given a chance tattoo, making another appearance (see below for more tattoo meltdowns)

Just keep your head up, love, keep your head up

term of endearment <3 

～ dlibyh

this album is full of encouragement to keep going and as much as it gives me life it ruins me 

Don’t hide away, don’t ever change

“be happy, proud”

～ “just hold on”

“pick someone who’s supportive”

Keep your head up, love, keep your head up Don’t look away, don’t look away

don’t look away from me

～ through the dark “and I can see your head is held in shame”

Cause everybody’s looking at you now, my, oh my

they have the stage to themselves / new career paths they’re doing on their own

could also mean ppl they’re going out with are looking at them, which “you” interprets as sth negative, which makes them self-conscious, while they’re actually admiring them bc they steal the scene

～ wmyb “you’re turning heads when you walk through the door”

I guess some queens don’t need a crown And I know why Even when your tears are falling down Still, somehow, you’re perfect now

“you” is royalty to louis, to put it simply 

they don’t need something on their head to make it known to everyone else - they’re a queen and everyone knows it

gendered: female - also used in drag contexts - the only time L has used any gendered word to identify his partner on the entire album (more on this below)

～ steal my girl "she's been my queen since we were sixteen" can't believe i forgot this one thank you @mortalenemiestolovers for reminding me!!!

～ falling

～ through the dark “you tell me that your tears are here to stay”

You never do, but if you asked me to I’ll tell the truth lying next to you

“you” never asks for affirmations directly, but by saying shit like their pants are too tight make it clear enough to L that they do need to hear once in a while that it’s not true

Cause you’re the only one when it’s said and done You make me feel like being someone 

Good to you even at your worst

～ always you

i love you so much you are a force of life to me, and even when you hate me i want more

～ drag me down “If I didn’t have you there would be nothing left, the shell of a man who could never be his best. If I didn’t have you, I’d never see the sun. You taught me how to be someone” (sung by louis first, harry second) 

～ through the dark “even if you scream and shout, it’ll come back to you and I’ll be here for you

You steal the scene and it’s unrehearsed

reference to working on a stage - their natural presence wins everyone over - that charisma is never manufactured

Don’t you wanna dance? Just a little dance I’ll never stop given half the chance

L keeps encouraging them, will also not pass by any chance to dance with them

Every insecurity, like a neon sign, as bright as day If you knew what you were to me You would never try to hide away

“it’s hard to miss”

L sees through them trying to hide their insecurities, pretend to be strong

～ through the dark “but I know you were only hiding”

SYNTHESIS

Perfect Now is not a fan favorite and I am so not here for that discourse, so please do not pester me with negativity about this chocolate drop of a song. 

As others have pointed out, the parallels with other songs written by Louis, Harry or for One Direction are extremely present. Especially Little Things is echoed loudly, but there’s so much more to be read, as you’ve seen. These are songs that are clearly near and dear to Louis, bc he wrote them or bc performing them was special, like with Little Things and What Makes You Beautiful. A lot of the same emotions come back in Louis’s writing, so much so that you can’t help but see the larger story behind it all. Throughout Walls you can hear him singing about not giving up and holding your head high despite hardships, and if you look back at his earlier writing, it’s always been there. Through the Dark is an early and striking example of this style of Louis song: you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway 

basically through the dark’s chorus:

Oh, I will carry you over Fire and water for your love And I will hold you closer Hope your heart is strong enough When the night is coming down on you We will find a way Through the dark

It is very clear that Louis is faced with a partner - I can freely say it’s Harry now right? are the antis gone by now? i think so - that struggles with his body, with his identity, with how he wants to present himself vs how opinions on that might push him down and dampen his spirit. Louis, always the supportive boyfriend, then tries his best to make him see the light, while keeping that space for his sadness, his struggles, or their joint struggles. Accept the sadness but don’t lose your heart to it.

I’ve linked @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s post at the start of this post, but I need to stress how good it is once more as I also shamelessly insert a screenshot from it here bc it makes me feel a lot and summarizes perfectly just how deeply Perfect Now is woven into the history of their lives, relationship and especially “you”s/Harry’s personal struggle with their identity/body/confidence...

Because yes, i absolutely think these tattoos are being echoed in the song. “Never gonna dance again” as a lyric and then as a tattoo on Harry’s legs like shackles around his ankles represents the sensation of shame, of being stuck, bc of your desires, bc of your sexuality. Obviously we can never know why Harry got the tattoo, as in what experience pushed him to choose those lyrics or what exactly he recognizes in himself, but it’s safe to say it’s about the struggles of being queer and navigating relationships with that identity and with others.

Most importantly, the sense of shamelessly dancing, dancing like no one’s watching, dancing together with your lover, as a celebration of self, life, love, is the key here. Harry got that tattoo ages ago, at a time when he undoubtedly felt way more stuck. When he couldn’t dance freely the way he wanted to and with whom he wanted to. Perfect Now is a reminder to him, an encouragement to still dance if he wants to, no matter what people say or think. Significantly, then, Harry’s own Treat People With Kindness heavily features that same sentiment, but in an extremely positive light: i have found a place (in life and in myself) where i feel like i have given and was given second chances and now i dance bc i finally feel good in my skin.

Louis has obviously been there from the start, or at least from when or before Harry properly started experimenting with/questioning how he likes to present and how he identifies as. Before he ever dared to consider pulling on a pair of women’s skinny jeans, never mind a ball gown. Louis has seen him limit himself as well as being limited by others ofc and has always seemed to have been there, with a secure hand on Harry’s back, to encourage him. Even at a time when boys wearing nail polish or skirts was unthinkable. Just remember how much encouragement Harry needed when growing out his hair; Louis literally joined him. yes this might make me cry okay i need to stop bc i’m going off track and this is just becoming a larry breakdown while i was trying to hype up this beautiful song. 

What I’m trying to say is: Louis has always seen all of Harry. He’s always had his back, no matter what. He’s loved every part of him. And now, on a completely gender neutral album, in the sweetest, softest song off of the entire thing, Louis puts in the word “queen”, and that is so very deliberate it makes me want to scream. It’s Louis confirming his love again and again while affirming the multitudes contained by Harry, including everything involving his gender journey. brb crying

It’s a raw Louis, an honest, sweet, kind, loving partner, and both of them are fucking lucky to have each other, and I also wish that all of us end up in a caring and wholesome relationship like that. I truly do.

[faulty-writes]

I want, no NEED more of that sweet, sweet Monoma vs. Iida love triangle goodness! Headcanons, a scenario, something to satisfy this unexpected craving!!

Let's see what I can do about this. I was going to write headcanons but I guess my brain couldn't comprehend how to do that so I guess you could call this...a little classroom scenario. I'm not sure but enjoy it nonetheless.

It came as little surprise that Tenya and Neito felt something towards you, but you never imagined it turning into a battle to win your affection. But then again, while Yuuei mainly focused on hero training. There were situations where students were put in competitive positions.

Of course, these moments could also take place outside the designated training areas. "What's the matter dear class A? Oh, don't tell me you're threatened by a possible blooming friendship between myself and the lovely Y/n?" Neito stated as he proceeded to lay his hand on the small of your back and took it upon himself to cradle your hand in his free one.

A rather embarrassing position, especially knowing that your classmates were glaring at the display. But somehow Neito's taunting always seemed to strike every last one of your classmate's nerves and considering that the blond did it on purpose, their reactions were understandable. But even so, the president of class A, Tenya Iida while disliking this taunting as much as the rest of his fellow classmates was at least formal about expressing it.

Though you were almost surprised by his slightly defensive nature and how his shoulders squared when he approached Neito. "Pardon, but I do not believe you are in the correct classroom," he stated just before he tilted his head and adjusted his glasses by pushing them back to their proper position on the bridge of his nose.

You were a little impressed at how composed Tenya was even when it was obvious he wasn't the happiest at the moment. When he lifted his head back up and looked into Neito's eyes, it only seemed to bring a smirk to the blond's face. "Oh?" he replied, seemingly not taking Tenya's words seriously.

"Please release Y/n and be on your way," Tenya stated as he reached over and placed his hand on your shoulder. You could tell there was an urgency associated with his touch and through the way his fingers seemed to curl and tremble slightly. As if holding your shoulder was the only thing he could do to prevent himself from growing violent or punching Neito.

You decided to remain quiet, despite your rapid heartbeat and heated cheeks. Anyone in your position would react the same way. Essentially having three hands on you while frustrated tension filled the air. But you wondered if somehow Tenya felt threatened by Neito or the fact that Neito was taking your attention and time away.

The thick tension continued to grow into something more awkward, but that could be due to the silence that accompanied it. You didn't dare move, but you did glance between the two boys. Each one locked into some type of staring contest with the other and your fellow classmates seemed just as confused as you were as to what would happen next.

"Heh," Neito seemed to break the silence first and finally released you. However, in doing so he seemed to push you away from him a little too carelessly which caused you to stumble back. Despite relief filling you for a brief moment before you found yourself crashing into someone else.

"Ah!" you couldn't help but exclaim in surprise. However, such a feeling quickly faded when you realized it was only Tenya. Unlike Neito, Tenya seemed to carry a sweeter scent to him. Somewhat like lavender and though it was relaxing, you couldn't help but feel that same heat rush back to your cheeks.

Seemed any close contact you made with either of the boys resulted in this reaction. "Do not release them in such a manner! They could have been harmed due to your careless action!" Tenya scolded as he proceeded to chop his hand through the air. But once more, Neito seemed unphased and a soft laugh escaped him.

"Oh? Perhaps you're merely jealous that dear Y/n seemed to fall submissive to my touch," he shot back and you heard a struggled noise come from Tenya. Although it was almost amusing to see his dropped jaw and overall horrified expression.

"I...d-do not speak in such a manner! I do not hold any vulgar intentions when it comes to the matter of Y/n!" Tenya exclaimed and whether it was his intention or not. You felt his grip tighten on you, pulling you even closer. The fabric of Yuuei's signature gray blazer pressed against your cheek and that lavender aroma grew stronger.

"Oh, my apologies," Neito began as he pressed his hand against his chest. "I didn't think the members of class A could sink any lower when it comes to the matter of courageous acts," he stated. Implying nothing more than that Tenya was simply too afraid to act on his hormones which yet again seemed to throw the otherwise mature student off.

"I..." Tenya was usually never at a loss for words but it seemed somehow, Neito could actually best him. Yet again another smirk appeared on the blond's face and he took a step forward. "Hey, why don't you beat it and leave the prez alone!?" Kyoka spoke in Tenya's defense which seemed to prompt Kaminari and Eijiro to speak as well.

"Yeah, what's your problem man!?" Kaminari exclaimed before Eijiro spoke. "Seriously man, you have some issues. Leave Iida and Y/n alone!" his words came out with a slight growl which was somewhat surprising given Eijiro's carefree nature. "Now, now," Neito stated as he raised his hands up, almost acting innocent.

"Is class A really threatening a member of class B? How terrifying," his words were coated in sarcasm. You blinked, wanting to speak up but also not able to take your eyes off Neito who approached you with his hand stretched out. "Hm?" for a moment you looked surprised, but it appeared as though Neito wanted you to take the offered hand.

Tenya didn't seem so sure it was a good idea but he didn't fight when you stepped away from him. "I think dear Y/n is the only one of you I can actually stand," Neito stated when you finally laid your hand in his. He then leaned over and brought your hand up to his mouth, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your knuckles which yet again seemed to upset Tenya.

But the fact Kaminari and Eijiro held him back went unnoticed by you. Though you did catch the way Neito's eyes glanced over your shoulder and how a satisfied expression sparkled in them. Then he lowered your hand and turned to walk away. "Goodbye class A," he said, once more using a mocking sort of tone before he looked at Tenya.

"Oh, and goodbye to you too...Iida," he said with a chuckle before finally exiting the room. You stood there slightly confused before your body was pulled back causing a gasp to escape involuntarily. This was followed by a grunt as you found yourself yet again pressed up against Tenya.

The only difference was this time he was grasping the wrist of the hand that Neito kissed. "Huh?" you blinked and tilted your head to look up at him. "...Iida?" your voice was soft before you watched him look down at you.

"Y/n," he stated, "May I escort you to the restroom?" he questioned and you could feel the way he slid his thumb along the pulsing veins of your wrist. "Huh?" you replied as you titled your own head in confusion. "What do you mean?" obviously you were confused by his request.

Especially because you didn't ask for him to escort you anywhere, let alone the bathroom. "I do believe it's best you wash your hand due to Monoma's contact with it," he replied and you couldn't help but look at Tenya with a now annoyed expression. However, his own expression didn't change.

Still, maybe the reason he wanted you to wash your hand was simply that he was jealous Neito had kissed it in the first place. You took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. "If it makes you feel better Iida...you can walk me there," you replied, though you couldn't help but fear this small rivalry of affection would interfere with your everyday school life.

[ashesandhackles]

Harry And Personal Conflict: A Meta On Evolving Dynamic With Ron and Hermione

One of my last metas on Harry was how his abuse at the Dursleys informed who he is as a person and a lot of his main personality traits. This time, I want to explore Harry's relationship with conflict, mostly in regard to his best friends - Ron and Hermione.

First things first, because of his abusive upbringing where he is constantly in conflict with his caregivers, conflict is seen as Bad Thing when we first meet him as a 11 year old. And it informs how he reacts to both Ron and Hermione at first. He instantly relates to Ron because Ron is an underdog - a boy who feels neglected and passed over in his large and boisterous family. Harry shares his own experience of neglect with Ron and they both bond instantly.

His initial impression of Hermione is that she has a "bossy sort of voice" . The bossiness is an important characterstic to his impression of her - she reminds him of an authority figure and he does not particularly take to her as easily as he does Ron. Before the troll incident, he is frequently annoyed by her interventions because "he can't believe anyone would be so interfering". It's her vulnerability and the fact that she may be in danger that makes Harry, and by extension Ron, go after her. And she pays it back in full with a demonstration of loyalty to them in front of people she wants to impress: teachers. This sets the tone of his friendship with Ron and Hermione.

There is sense of easiness to his friendship with Ron, especially in earlier books that he doesn't quite share with Hermione. This is a bit gendered as well, of course. His relationship with Hermione evolves as Ron's own equation with two of them changes, more specifically Ron's cognisance of his romantic feelings for Hermione. So how does this inform his relationship with personal conflict?

Let's look at it Book wise.

Book 1-4: Since Harry tends to see All Conflict As Bad, when Hermione becomes his friend, he tends to ignore traits of her that he particularly doesn't take to. Specifically her argumentativeness - which he usually leaves Ron to deal with. For example, look at when Hermione drags him off to the kitchens in GOF. When he realises what this is about, he nudges Ron, and Ron does the protesting: "Hermione, you are trying to rope us into that spew stuff again!".

Often, you can say he is amused by Ron's more ..let's say colourful.. reactions to Hermione being overbearing. So when Ron and him are not speaking and Hermione gets a Quidditch term wrong, it causes him "a pang to imagine Ron's expression of he could have heard Hermione talking about Wonky Faints". It's that deeply ingrained into the dynamic.

While Ron acts buffer and protects Harry from stepping into a potential conflict ("skip the lecture", "don't nag" he tells her), Harry's world view remains quite the same. Part of Harry's growing up is integrating conflicting points of view and gaining nuance. For example, he can't understand why someone like Snape, who seems to hate him so much, can also save his life at the end of Philosopher's Stone. This is his first venture into trying to integrate two conflicting things about a person into nuance. Dumbledore gives him a very easily digestible story, one that appeals to his ideal of his father and Harry is sated.

Again, Harry's world view is tested when he finds out that he relates with Tom Riddle - for their "strange likenesses". He doth protest too much at Dumbledore's office: "I don't think I am like him! I am Gryffindor!". And Dumbledore offers him a wisdom nugget: "It's our choices which define who we are" (paraphrasing). Harry is uncomfortable that he empathises with Tom Riddle, his parents' murderer, at this point in the story.

In the first four books, his only proper personal conflict has been with Ron.

It is depressing to think about in these terms - but Ron is Harry's first experience of unconditional love (we can even put Hagrid here, but he is not the one who spends most time with Harry). And when Ron and him fight, Harry is so hurt by the prospect that he proceeds to abandon Ron before Ron abandons him. (the whole chucking a "Potter stinks" badge at him and making a jab about having a scar is what he wants, or the fight in DH where he yells "then leave! Pretend you have gotten over your spattergoit and have your mummy feed you up"). It's an interesting defense mechanism and he feels "corrosive hatred" towards Ron during these times because Ron and him aren't supposed to be like this. Ron is a certainty in his life. It's also why when Ron comes back, Harry either doesn't need him to apologise (as in GOF) or quickly forgives him in DH - although I do think Harry thinks the locket bit was punishment enough. But even without the whole locket, I think Harry has trouble holding Ron accountable in general beyond few slaps on the wrist - especially if Ron and he are on good terms.

5th Book: This is the transition point for Golden Trio friendship. Harry has come back from an immensely traumatising night at the graveyard and his PTSD isolates him from his best friends. This is also the point where Ron, especially after GOF, is aware of his romantic feelings for Hermione ("the perfume is unusual Ron", Hermione tells him in this book). So in this book, we often see Ron and Hermione on one side, with Harry on the other.

Ron is unwilling (quite like Harry in that respect) to engage him in a direct conflict, but he is also unwilling to shield him from Hermione's nagging in this book. This is why, OOTP is the book where you see Harry ignore or avoid Hermione and lie to her more than usual to avoid conflict. For example, he tells her that Snape thinks he can carry on Occlumency once he got the basics - that is categorically not what happened. Or the entire day he spends ignoring Hermione's warnings about breaking into Umbridge's office. (The description here is comical - about Hermione vehemently hissing so much that Seamus Finnigan is checking his cauldron for leaks. ) If he cannot lie to her or avoid her, at the end of the rope, he will treat her to display of his frightening temper.

Interestingly, OOTP is also the book that his world view goes through a tremendous upheaval: mainly, his ideal of his father and having empathy for Snape. It is unnerving for Harry to see Snape being the "boy who cried in the corner" when his father shouts at a cowering woman. Similarly unnerving is that his intense empathy for him - "he knew exactly what Snape felt when his father taunted him and judging by what he had seen, his father was every bit as arrogant as Snape always told him".

While he is placated that his father grew out of it, this memory of his father being a bully is something he cannot bear to watch again in DH. Few chapters later, he grins at Ron "sweeping his hair" back to make it look more windswept, just like his father - suggesting that Harry is beginning to integrate two conflicting things he knew about his father: from the people who loved him vs the people he was cruel to.

6th Book onwards: It's interesting to me that his better appreciation for Hermione comes after OOTP (one, because she is the one who challenged the whole Ministry plan and she followed him into a trap knowing it was one anyway) but also the timing of it is in line with Harry having a more nuanced understanding of his father. He struggled to hold conflicting information about him into one cohesive person - the boy who was a bully vs the man who joins Order of Phoenix to fight a war he could very well have sat out. The pedestal crashing helped Harry gain nuance (he thinks of his father and mother with pride in HBP - of them walking into an arena with head held high). HBP also sets up his deeper understanding with Snape in DH. There is lovely meta by about this by thedreamersmusing. Read it here. HBP is also the book he feels "sorry" for Voldemort and also feels "reluctant admiration" for him - both of things he is less defensive about.

And this nuance informs his relationship with conflicts - especially the kind he has with Hermione. He is more confrontational with her and does not lie or sneak around her as much as he did in OOTP in the Half Blood Prince. ("Finished? Or do you want to see if it does back flips?" He asks her when she takes the book from him to check if it's jinxed. Or the "I hope you enjoy yourself" he calls out irritably when she declares intention to find out who HBP is. And "do you want to rub it in Hermione? How do you think I feel now?" He tells her when she says she was right about HBP).

The fact that he is willing to be confrontational with her is a big step in his character - a step up from his unregulated outbursts in OOTP, which is a function of him not knowing how to put his anger across in normal ways. He is also more willing to stand up for her in front of Ron too - "You could say sorry" he tells Ron bluntly. This is in contrast to his more quiet standing up for her in POA: "Can't you give her a break?" Harry asked him quietly. In POA, he lets the subject drop after Ron flatly refuses. Here, he presses on more : "What did you have to imitate her for?" "She laughed at moustache!" "So did I, it's the stupidest thing I have ever seen".

His relationship with Ron is an interesting contrast to his relationship with Hermione, which functionally teaches a very important lesson for an abused child who thought all conflicts are bad: That his friendship with her is challenging, and frustrating, filled with conflicts but their love for each other isn't disputed. It's a very important thing for brain development in general - to hold conflicting information in one space. The defense mechanism abused children do to avoid this is called splitting.

So, Ron allows Harry to be the age he is: a teenager and it's foundation for his further development, and Hermione teaches him how to be an adult, and therefore, spurs his growth. (In esoteric terms, if you look at Ron and Hermione as proxy parents - Ron is the Mother archetype, the one who offers unconditional love. Hermione is the Father archetype - one who demands best of him, and guides him).

Additional reading: Harry, Prongs and Prince - Harry's Inner Struggles For Forging An Identity. By u/metametatron4

Harry Identifies, and Reluctantly Admires Snape Even Before The Prince's Tale by thedreamersmusing