#'he had a heart of gold' 😥

[thislovintime]

Peter Tork and June Millington (one of the founders of the rock group Fanny), 2012.

Janis Ian and June Millington on Peter...

“In mourning for Peter Tork, one of the kindest people I’ve ever known, who was so gracious and so good to me when I was starting out. It’s testimony to the man that his family asks donations to be made to Institute for the Musical Arts, founded by June Millington and Ann Hackler to support women and girls in music. Lovely man, and a sad day to know he’s gone.” - Janis Ian, Facebook, February 22, 2019

“Thank you Peter Tork and family for your incredibly powerful gesture in suggesting that people make a donation to IMA’s ‘In the Names of Our Mothers’ fund, in support women and girls in music. Especially in these times, so meaningful ~ you will be remembered here for generations! Thing is, you’ve been such a good friend to me (us) over the years, and continue to give. That is a true testament to your soul, and your spirit. Love you always, xx June” - June Millington, Facebook, February 23, 2019

“I met him [Peter] here in Massachusetts through our really great friend Leah Kunkel. […] And they were really good friends since Peter and John Sebastian and Leah, Mama Cass… were in the Village […] And Peter did a benefit for us once […], for IMA. […] And he did record here as well. […] Peter was here a few months before he died, he came to actually record that last song that he put out with The Monkees [‘Angels We Have Heard On High,’ from Christmas Party; the instrumental track, featuring Peter on banjo, was originally from A Beachwood Christmas, 2003]. […] I wish I could have recorded him for my podcast because he told me a few stories which I love so much. [...] He played a great piano, which I didn’t know until the last time he was here. He swung by the piano and he — even though he was sick and he didn’t have much energy — he sat down and he played some brilliant classical piece. I’m like, ‘Peter, I didn’t know you played the piano!’ And he said, ‘Oh. Yeah.’ And I said, ‘How did that come about?’ He said, ‘Oh, I took lessons.’ So his parents definitely wanted him to be, shall we say, cultured, and have… you know, to play piano, the have a college degree and all of that. […] He was such a smart guy, he was so funny, he was so funny, he would be quipping all the time, you know. And it was, the last couple of years were a little bit of a slog for him because the cancer was coming back and it was really trying to get him. But he — he kept his humor intact the whole time. He was really a very generous, and he was a super-funny guy. That’s my biggest impression of him, is how giving he was. And he wanted to support IMA, the Institute for the Musical Arts, which is a nonprofit that supports women and girls in music by passing on what we know. So we do rock ‘n’ roll girls camp […], lessons — everything is being passed on to future generations. So it’s the only organization of its kind in the world where we are really hands on passing it on. And he just loved that. Like, he sent his daughter here — his wife had, you know, had a daughter, so they sent her here to one of our rock ‘n’ roll girl camps. So he put his money and his time where his mouth was, you know. […] So he was always trying to think of ways that he could help. He recorded here. You know, as I said, he was super-generous. He had a heart of gold, I gotta say. Super heart of gold. And he and Leah remained really good friends, really good friends until, you know, the last days. […] He was so smart. He was on top of current affairs, you know; he had so many jokes at the top of his fingers. […] He was a super-talented guy. […] Go to IMA dot org to take a look at this place. Peter realized the value. He loved passing it on. And he loved being around women and working with women, there’s no, you know (laughs), there’s no other way I could say it: he loved women. And he wanted to help, you know. And he let us know that, boy, he wanted to help and he did help.” - Plastic EP, 2021

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I remember you mentioning A court of Thorns and roses in your posts once when talking about malleus character archetype. Have you read acotar series? If so I really want to know what you think about it. Your post is how I found out this series. It's pretty meh 😕 to me but I would really like to read your thoughts on it 😊. Also are non twst related ask allowed? If not I'm truly sorry😥. You can just ignore this ask

Oh god 😅 That was such a long time ago that I can’t even locate the original post where I made that comment…

To summarize what I said then, I had expressed that the way Malleus is presented to us reminds me of the bad boy supernatural love interests in romantasy novels.I believe the online book community colloquially refers to these characters as “Shadow Daddies” and I find that hilarious. To clarify, I do NOT mean to say that Malleus is Yuu’s “canon” love interest or anything like that. When I say that Malleus is “like” a Shadow Daddy, it’s just in the tropes they share. (For example, being overpowered, brooding, and misunderstood as a “bad guy” when, in actuality, he has a heart of gold and is just lonely.)

… I’ve actually seen multiple posts comparing Malleus and Rhysand, if you can believe that 💀

The rest of my response isn’t really TWST related, so I’ll put it under the cut for ya ^^ I tried to keep my thoughts concise and free of spoilers.

But to your question! Yes, I actually have read the first three books of ACOTAR but not the novella (A Court of Frost and Starlight) or the sequel, A Court of Silver Flames. I got into the series because it was highly recommended within its genre, but I came out of it really disappointed. I continued reading hoping that it would get better, but it really did not.

Maas has this really melodramatic and yet simultaneously juvenile way of writing dialogue that does not mesh well with what I’m looking for in a romantasy read. She’ll have characters give exposition or speeches that go on for like 10 pages straight and also have supposedly wise ancient fae cracking potty jokes like a middle schooler trying to impress their friends. It makes the books a lot longer than they have to be. In actuality, the plot involves a lot of running around and having all the right questions answered by conveniently placed chess pieces. I also did not enjoy the vague world building (like several side characters are never given proper names and instead are always referred to by title) and the near-constant mention of mating bonds. What I did like was how Maas wrote action scenes and descriptions (even if they often veer into purple prose). She also comes up with some unique concepts—but the execution of those concepts isn’t great, so the ideas are left sort of shallow and floating there waiting to be fully realized.

Romantasy and fairy tale retellings are some of my favorite things to read, so I was sad that I didn’t think that highly of this beloved series. It’s been a while since I’ve read a book I’ve been able to seriously get immersed in 😔 ACOTAR’s explosive popularity has led to many other authors trying to replicate Maas’s success, which has flooded the market with horni fae books and even similar titles (“A [noun] of [nouns] and [nouns]”). (And as someone who does NOT find Malleus attractive at all, you can imagine I’m not thrilled.) I have really mixed feelings about that… While of course I don’t mind if people enjoy ACOTAR or ACOTAR-adjacent books, I dislike that it makes up the bulk of what is marketed to me. It makes it a lot harder to find something that’s more suited to my tastes.

If anyone seeing this post is interested in trying out ACOTAR, I caution you that it is a “new adult” book, meaning it is intended for older teens (I would recommend 18+, honestly). There is a lot of violence and… explicit intimate scenes… in the series.

[coffee-in-veins]

Ngl, I was waiting for you to join in the fun with the OC ask! Anyways I'm perpetually curious about your Heiress. And seems like RRR characters are also on the menu!! Heiress: 💭 THOUGHT BALLOON — what is your oc's MBTI, enneagram, and/or other personality aspects (if known/interested in)? 🔺 RED TRIANGLE POINTED UP — does your oc know how to use any weapons? 🚫 PROHIBITED — does your oc drink/smoke? do they do it regularly, or is it more on occasion or for special events? 🍎 RED APPLE — where was your oc born? do they still live in/around their place of birth or do they live somewhere else? how do they feel about their birthplace? 💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them? RRR!Reynauld: 🐈 CAT — does your oc prefer a wide circle of friends or a few close friends? 🧡 ORANGE HEART — does your oc tend to prioritize family or friends? 😥 SAD BUT RELIEVED FACE — is your oc prone to getting stressed out, or is it easy for them to keep their cool? RRR!Dismas 🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often? 🔱 TRIDENT EMBLEM — can your oc swim? do they enjoy swimming? 💛 YELLOW HEART — how many languages does your oc speak? what language(s) are they learning, if any? 🍸 COCKTAIL GLASS — what is your oc's favorite alcoholic drink, if they can drink?

I had to restrain myself ;; I want to ask about more tbf xD

hello hello! o/ thank you for the ask ^^

also feel free to ask more! i may take some time to answer but i'll do my best to answer still

Heiress:

💭 THOUGHT BALLOON — what is your oc's MBTI, enneagram, and/or other personality aspects (if known/interested in)?

not gonna lie, i had to read what all those even are. Commander or Executive for MBTI and 5 for enneagram, maybe? Heiress is logical to a fault (we'll see more of that later) so she has to be someone logical, lacking empathy, goal-oriented and lax in breaking the taboos. not sure if such people would even do those tests xD

🔺 RED TRIANGLE POINTED UP — does your oc know how to use any weapons?

she has a sword of black metal, and it looks too used to be ceremonial (despite being notably cared for, it's visibly damaged) but no one had ever seen her wield it

🚫 PROHIBITED — does your oc drink/smoke? do they do it regularly, or is it more on occasion or for special events?

no one ever saw the Heiress consuming anything. occasionally, there's a silver goblet and a crystalline decanter on her desk, but no one ever saw her take a sip. likewise, no one ever smelled smoke on her

🍎 RED APPLE — where was your oc born? do they still live in/around their place of birth or do they live somewhere else? how do they feel about their birthplace?

she was born in a place far away in both time and space. but she is too practical to miss it more than a minute once a couple of years or so. she knows she cannot go back anyhow, so she abandoned the memory, mostly. in her head, there's no point to grieve something which will not be back

💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?

efficiency. she is utterly, completely, absolutely dedicated to perfecting efficiency of slaying HoT. you can call her speerdunner for trying her best to shave off weeks of time and even single gold coin off each week to make it better. luckily for inhabitants of Hamlet, she knows that healthy and mentally stable (or at least relatively stable), fed people fight better than starved, sick and dying ones, and money spent on gear is the money she's not getting back if they die down there.

RRR!Reynauld:

🐈 CAT — does your oc prefer a wide circle of friends or a few close friends?

Rey believes he has a big social circle, and that he's close to a lot of people but the key word here is "believes". In actuality, he's clammed up and all those people see what he tries to sell as the "ideal version" of himself, instead of actual him. Rey is actually extremely lonely, and is in an uphill battle of trying to convince himself that he's fine on his own. Dis was probably his closest confidant, and knew a lot of dirt Rey wishes he didn't.

can't say it's all on him, though. he was close to Barristan and now is close to Sir Jolland and "proper" heroes. he's also close with the abbot, to everyone's detriment, and the abbot saw the amazing potential of isolating him and making him an attack dog on all "improper" in the town

🧡 ORANGE HEART — does your oc tend to prioritize family or friends?

since Rey doesn't have family (in his own head), friends win by default xD hell, the man admits, he loved his horse more than his son. my Rey ain't a good dad...

😥 SAD BUT RELIEVED FACE — is your oc prone to getting stressed out, or is it easy for them to keep their cool?

Rey is all about appearances, so he would try his damnest to appear cool, collected and composed even when he's yelling and losing his shit on the inside. it takes a lot to crack his mask. but he's an increddible worrywart underneath it

RRR!Dismas

🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often?

Dis likes ditties and "silly" music - what we would consider burlesque, cabaret or the like. he wants to have a good time, not to feel too dumb to listen to a song

sea shanties and rhytmic, repeated music makes him fall into melancholy and quietness because it reminds him too much of prison "call&response" songs he had to listen for way too long and even be a part of to not be torn apart by chains

🔱 TRIDENT EMBLEM — can your oc swim? do they enjoy swimming?

as someone who had too many people attempt to drown him, Dismas can swim, and swim rather well. what's more, he's more used to swimming in clothes and with added weight than naked. he enjoys swimming but usually too busy to do it for fun, not to mention, he hates cold water, so it limits his options

💛 YELLOW HEART — how many languages does your oc speak? what language(s) are they learning, if any?

he knows his native tongue, and whatever equivalent of english anyone in DD are speaking + shards, bits and pieces of the languages from the countries he travelled through (mostly the most basic of levels and cussing)

🍸 COCKTAIL GLASS — what is your oc's favorite alcoholic drink, if they can drink?

any alcohol he doesn't have to pay for :D

[tomatoteddy]

LOOK CAT IS PREMIERING RIGHT NOW AS IM POSTING THIS BUT I HAD A DESIGN IDEA IN MY HEAD AND I COULDNT RESIST TAKE THIS DESIGN AND SOME NOTES ABOUT MY MV PREDICTIONS ILL WATCH IT ONCE ITS FINISHED PREMIERING

Look it’s called Cat, Kazui has a kinda theme of lying and deception, I had to give him a cool masquerade cat mask (I actually planned this design before the whole masquerade line was revealed sooooooo I AM A FUTURE PREDICTOR!!!!!) He also gets a belt that acts like a cat tail a la Chat Noir

While I did base the suit a bit off the one in his thumbnail, I changed it a bit to match my vision, which included incorporating more of the gold and blue. He also has his coat around his shoulders and his bowtie untied cause the song gave me that kinda vibe of like- Kazui admitting to his lies and wanting to be able to act more free and stuff compared to the calm feeling of half if you get what I mean???????????????

Also I suck at drawing men AND masks so sorry if it’s scuffed 😥😥😥😥😥

For MV predictions, the song is so fuckin jazzy and I love it and I would love to see it have a casino/bar theme. It would kinda fit with Cat mentioning playing a game (like Poker or Blackjack or a game of cards). It could also fit in if he actually cheated cause like he cheats the game, he cheats at life, he cheats on his wife. Also, it would be a nice reference to the bar from half and I would love to see bar lady again and her importance to Kazui

Kazui has a card of hearts in his breast pocket, and that IS on purpose! Not only does it reference back to my theorised casino theme, people have also said his thumbnail and line makes him sound like a magician or conman. I also imagine that there could be two cards of hearts shown (each representing him and his wife respectively) and at the start theyre seen together but as the MV continues, the cards would be seperated more and more (representing Kazui falling out of love for his wife) before we see the last card at the end of the MV torn apart (this could reference the ending of This is How to Love you, since Kazui and Mahiru’s relationship seem to be important?)

This is more of a minor detail but I would love it if other people were shown in the casino wearing different kinds of animal masks

Anyways yeah that’s it. This post was just me being like “I WANT JAZZ I WANT CASINO I WANT SPARKLIES!!!!!!” like a magpie

[ruminate88]

How Toxic Relationships Affect You In A New Healthy Relationship:

so technically, I was in three toxic relationships… The first guy Jake, tried to force a relationship with me, but I was not attracted to him at all. I liked his personality at the beginning of meeting him but eventually I realized he was very controlling and intimidating towards me. he made me fear him, and I started trying to get away from him, but he kept coming back nicely almost as if he was a great friend that truly cared about me. Off and on for years, I struggled to delete him out of my life because I would tell myself what if he really does care about me and he could be a great friend I don’t want to mistreat him and hurt him. 😓🥺 (I lied to myself and gave him power to keep intimidating me)

my second relationship was with a guy named Cody. It was short with him, but it was super intense and overwhelming. I had knots in my stomach. I was sick to my stomach, but I thought he was so special. I held him so close to my heart and let him in to the deepest parts of me. I shared a lot of deep deep conversations with him , unfortunately he ghosted me and that was traumatizing and that created a lot of trust issues for me. 😭

my third toxic relationship was with a guy named Andrew! I was with Andrew for over a year and I believed I was falling in love with him so hardcore. I was planning a future with him; naming our kids, thinking about vacations with him, thinking about where we would live and how we would wake up every morning together… I was completely obsessed with Andrew in an unhealthy way. I saved ALL of his pictures he would send me on Snapchat and stared at them when he was away from me 24/7, I couldn’t function. I couldn’t focus on anything. I was totally swept up by him and it was just not good for me. 😥💔 It was not normal. It was not love. It was lust and it was obsessive. No other way to explain things with Andrew, but just obsessiveness and toxicity . …..

In these toxic relationships, you tend to focus on the highs and you block out the lows. There were moments with each of these guys where they made me, fearful, unstable, suicidal, and depressed; I hated myself and I felt worthless. It was very one-sided with all three of them. All they wanted was sex!!! The time that I spent with Andrew was always surrounding the talk of sex, and how he wanted to do certain things with me when we were together. Truly they use sex as a manipulative tool to keep you from walking away…… You feel so intimately close with them 😳😳😳 I felt like Andrew and I couldn’t be any closer than we were because of all the “intimacy” and just the way he would talk sooo sexual towards me all the time. Consistently sending me nude pictures of himself , and so I obsessively worshiped his body in a very, very unhealthy way. I had told myself the bold lie that Andrew was everything to me, and that there was no other guy’s body that I would ever be with and worship. I consistently bragged to Andrew how I adored his body and adored using him. That’s not love or respect. There were no boundaries with Andrew… He took advantage of how obsessed I was and treated me like dirt on the bottom of his shoe 😭😭😭😭

now that I’m in a very healthy and stable relationship, I have a new family in my life that treats me like gold! Yet there’s all these fears, and often times I have terrible dreams of my new healthy man treating me the way that my exes did... as much as I push myself to be a part of this new family, to trust my new man, to feel safe and to feel loved; I cannot express to these new people in my life what my fears are because I’m not sure they’re ready to understand me. There is a current situation happening in this new family of mine that has consistently triggered me and triggered these dreams. At first, I did not realize I was being triggered. I was fearful that my new man was going to be as toxic as my exes. He keeps proving me wrong but my guard keeps going up 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

I have learned that you have to sort out and untangle the webs of lies from the past. You have to process the past: the good AND the bad! Often times I’ve been caught up focusing on the past good, the past highs and feeling nostalgic… feeling like did I lose Andrew. Did I lose the love of my life? but as I remember the VERY bad times, I remind myself that there is no way he could ever be the love of my life because he treated me so poorly… My new man treats me like gold and some reason there is times I just can’t see it! when I have these dreams that my new man is treating me like my old man did, it causes me to put a guard up. It causes me to get in my emotional head to overthink, to worry and to pull back. I hate pulling back!! I want to embrace my new man! I want to enjoy him fully!! I want to appreciate him and show him how much I think he’s wonderful.♥️🥺 I’ve never had a guy treat me so good the way my new man does, but if he could only understand my fears. 😥 Unfortunately, my new man has never even had a relationship before me. He has no one to compare me to…… He’s never seen the people I’ve seen and dealt with. My new man has mostly been surrounded by decent people. He has great parent and a great brother that is good to him, so, he sees a lot of good and well he has experienced some evil at work but not in relationships like I have……

I hate saying that my exes are evil but I don’t know how they could treat me the way they did and think it’s OK I’m never going to get closure or apologies from my exes. I’ve had to just accept the unanswered questions. I’ve had to accept the confusion and the frustration. I’ve had to accept that my ex Andrew was fake, and that the person he showed me when we first met, doesn’t even exist! 😳😥😭💔 And that hurts me SO MUCH because I thought I was falling so very much in love with him, and I would’ve traveled across the stars in the sky to get to him , but he would never cross the street for me. And yes, that hurts my feelings but also I finally understand that he’s just not a good guy for me and I do want better for him. I would hope that he would change one day. I don’t know if he has changed or would ever change but I just don’t know anything truly about him. I don’t know if he even knows himself…

My biggest advice to anyone that has been through emotional abuse, you WILL experience cognitive dissonance and that’s okay because it is very real! Your brain is conflicted and confused about what you have seen and dealt with. You saw this amazing person and then when you break up with them, they were a different person that scared you. It’s almost as if they enjoyed inflicting pain on you and that’s very hurtful and scary. You have to forgive them and you have to let them go! I held onto my ex Andrew in the back of my head for so long because I just couldn’t figure him out or figure out his intentions with me. I was trying to make sense of everything, and my brain just would not accept all the pieces that were coming together for me!! my brain wanted to believe there was some good in him and some part of him that was real with me, but the more I think about it all, I realize there was nothing real with him. There was never love with him. It was always false promises and it was just lust. It was always all about sex for him and enjoying inflicting pain on me…… And that’s not what I want for myself. I want to have a happy and peaceful life!

You can get over that toxic ex of yours, and you can have a better and peaceful life. You will have situations arise in your current life that will trigger you and cause you to reminisce and even flashback to the feelings of the past. You’ll have moments of fear and doubt. You’ll have moments of distrust. You’ll also have moments of clarification and revelations. I advise all of you to google and watch videos on YouTube and TikTok about emotional abuse! But what these videos won’t tell you is you absolutely HAVE to forgive that person and you HAVE to remove yourself from them if you want sanity and peace. There is no exceptions because this person will only hurt you over and over and over… the abuse will never stop until they can even understand who they are, and until they receive help and can change, their habits, they’ll always be abusive and manipulative. I believe some of them are very in the dark of who they are and what they do. They must think that what they do is normal and they don’t understand how much they hurt you truthfully but then I believe there is some of them that are actually fully aware that they hurt you and it almost excites them and that’s not what you want for yourself 😰 and you don’t want to hurt them back either because you’re better than that!!!! YOU have to accept you’re not going to get apologies from them and I would not recommend you write them a letter and send it to them. I would recommend you write a letter letter to them for your own self and either save it for your own self to read over or post it on your social media to inspire others, but do not tag that toxic ex because there is just no reason to reach out to them or contact them ever again. It’s for your own good 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 you can believe me or not. I am coming from a place of understanding, compassion, and realization. I am also coming from a place of deep pain that God has been dealing with and healing me for years. I have come farther than anyone even knows , and I just want to share my story and I want to share my honest, brutal opinions with you all because I know how you feel ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 you’re not crazy! You’re not a bad person! If you feel angry towards that ex, if you write a hate letter towards them, I get it… but hate is not healthy for you!! you have to love them but from a distance!! YOU have to have compassion for them because you know that they are struggling inside and it’s something that you will NEVER understand and they too will never understand you.🥺❤️‍🩹 They will never understand the pain they’ve caused you unless God changes their heart and point of view. It’s just that simple. 😥😭❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[peterstanslizzie]

I just about LOST IT when STEVE unmasked himself!!! 😭

I can’t believe after 28 episodes of meeting Steve and getting to know (& love him), we finally know what he REALLY looks like! 😮

I LEGIT WAS ABOUT TO CRY! No joke!

And...he’s such a cutie 😍 with a heart of gold 💛 

I think Dana and the writers knew how much Steve is so loved and admired by TOH community 🥰

So, this is their way of giving us some much-needed fan service 👏🏼 and it was done so impeccably well!

His little EAT PRAY LOVE road trip 🛵 with King was so wholesome and it makes me want to have my very own one with him!

The fact that he was being so friendly to King from the get-go really warms my heart 😊. King just has a way with capturing the hearts of so many people. First it was Gus, then Amity, then Edric and now Steve!

Towards the end there, I was beginning to wonder why he’s still wearing his Coven Guard mask when he’s in a biker costume 😂, which was so RAD btw! So, I had a suspicion they were going to surprise us 🎁 with some kind of reveal later on!

I’m so happy that Steve resigned from the Emperor’s Coven and is finding his true purpose in life 💙, which is to spread good deeds to the world. 

SIDE NOTE: At least the Emperor’s Coven (despite how messed up it is) allows its workers to submit their resignations! 😆

Aww and he’s such a softie! 💕 Him seeing that old couple and getting all emotional was incredibly sweet. I love a guy who’s in touch with his emotions 🤩

People tend to forget that he was Lilith’s so-called former "lackey”. So, it was really cool to see him and Lilith interacting again and working together under a greater purpose! 💪🏼

Not to mention he’s encouraging her to see a therapist he knows. Working for the Emperor’s Coven sure does take a toll on one’s mental health, huh? Yikes! 😥

Did he just say to her “Hey, girl”? I can’t 🤣💅🏼

Also, CURSE you Hooty for attacking him for no reason! 😡 I will have owl cakes for breakfast!

And lastly, I can’t get over how he’s now an actual member of the CATS 😻 (Coven’s Against The Throne) alongside powerful WITCHES and COVEN LEADERS! It’s actually insane! 🤯

Cheers to Steve and his cinnamon roll soul! He deserves the whole WORLD ❤

[theshelbyslimited]

THAT JOE PIC HAD ME 🥵💀 bc holy heck does he looks so damn fine in black, the hands also have me weak. akskdj ignore being a simp and let's just get into this new chapter!!!

"The pieces were there in front of me, I just had to put them together. I found that in Grace's jewelry box." "I had it confirmed by our security head. That address is the London flat rented by Martha Connolly, formerly of Birmingham" WOW. Grace, the absolute bitch that you are 😡 I feel so bad that Tommy is ridden w guilt bc of Grace's action bc it's not his fault. the accident obviously left its mentally scars on him, therefore causing the decision-making side of his brain to not be quiet as it used to be.

"I know I haven't been ... well, I haven't been the best brother. Or a good friend. To any of you. But I think I failed most with you, Finn. You and John." oh gosh, am I going to end up emotional @ some point during this chapter? 🥺

"What did you think was going to happen, Tommy? It's just a matter of time before Gemma convinces John to return to music. And then what? He convinces you to get the band back together? I did this for us. So that you wouldn't have to do that." WOWWW. what a selfish fucking bitch. so what if John did convince Tommy to get the band back together, if that's what would've made Tommy feel some semblance of happiness again, wouldn't you as his wife support that?!? this bitch 😡

"You used me. You saw an opportunity to control someone for your own gain, and you used me to do that. You never wanted me to go back to music, because you didn't think it was good enough, that I was good enough for you if I was a musician. All you saw was means to a very wealthy end." just when I thought I couldn't despise Grace more than I already do. I will always hate that about her character in general, the way Tommy never felt like he would've been good enough for her unless he reached a certain 'standard' that would please her. this is so heartbreaking though bc as if Tommy hadn't already been through enough w the accident, he's now been used by some gold digging bitch who just wanted to manipulate him and mold him into the person SHE'D like him to be 😡

"I'm right, then. You used me, and you used the worst night of my brother's life, not to mention my own, to manipulate the situation to stay in your favor. For a reason that isn't even real. If John wants to return to music, that's his choice. Gemma's feelings for him are genuine, I don't doubt that. And on top of it all, you hurt the one person your son is closest to in this family." FUCK YOU GRACE!!! YOU GODDAMN PUTA!!!

"He could feel rage pulsing through him, not just for himself, and for Martha, but for Tommy and Charlie as well. This woman had rolled into Tommy's life, seen an opportunity, and took full advantage. Even at the expense of her own son's feelings." MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. poor Charlie + Tommy 😔

"I am truly sorry for you being involved in this. What Grace did was directed at you as well, and I wish I had seen it far sooner." oh Tommy, you couldn't have seen this coming bc that's unfortunately how self-righteous, manipulative ppl work 😥

"She's responsible for her own actions, Tommy. I don't blame you for what happened. She saw someone in pain and took advantage of that back when you first met. I know John wants to talk to you about music, and you returning to it or not is your choice. But really think hard about it. Is there a part of you that would be denied? You suffered a great loss as well, and maybe for you, the music went with it. Just be sure you're being honest with yourself." LOVE YOU GEMMA. she's so thoughtful and empathetic, I adore her character w my entire heart + soul ❤️

“It’ll be fine, I’m sure. I think right now, you and I should take advantage of the very large shower in our very large hotel bathroom, so we can get ready for our evening. Thoughts?” SIR, I like the way you think 😏

“Are you trying to kill me, Mr. Shelby?” HONESTLY THOUGH. the all-black look on him has my ovaries exploding like wildfire 😫

“All I can think about is you being naked in our bed and my fingers inside you.” OOOF PLEASE I AM SO WEAK FOR HIM 🥵

"So he continued, trying to replace every stain of rage with how it felt to be with the girl he loved, the image of her against the wall, the bright lace of her bra against freckled skin, the sound of her breathing, the way she looked at him in complete and total lust." I AM DEADDD 🥵😭

this chapter was an emotional rollercoaster and my heart hurts so much for poor Tommy, I have hope that the family and Gemma will be there for him and Charlie though. I am forever weak for John + Gemma and their sensual smut never fails to make me feel so goddamn weak. AMAZING WORK AS ALWAYS 🙌🏽

Electric: Chapter 17

Modern John Shelby AU

This fic is being posted simultaneously on FanFiction.net and Ao3. Classy smut warning beginning with Chapter 5.

The way in which I would do anything for that man, especially looking like he does in the photo above ... dear Lord. Heavy inspiration for the final part of this chapter. @holidaywishes - all I can say is neck and hand content. Neck. And. Hand. Content. 😭😭😭

Chapter 16 J&Gem Chats 14 Electric Masterlist

Electric

Chapter 17: Betrayal

Tommy arrived at Ada's doorstep at nine the following morning, after a sleepless night, pacing his office floor. He'd seen Charlie off to school and then immediately headed out. Grace had watched him leave the apartment, a cold silence seeping across the penthouse as he turned to look at her while he closed the door. His eyes had gone to ice, and it seemed like everything he'd ever felt for her had vanished in an instant.

"Tommy? Are you alright?" Ada asked as she opened the door and ushered him inside.

"We need to talk. Where are Arthur and Finn?" Tommy responded, standing awkwardly in the foyer. He hadn't spent enough time at Ada's, and he knew it.

"Arthur's in the kitchen, I think Finn's still asleep. I'll go get him." Ada replied, starting for the stairs.

"I'll do it, you wait with Arthur. Karl's off to school, yeah?"

"Yes. Tommy, what is going on?"

"Just wait in the kitchen, we need Finn for this."

"He's on the third floor, first door on the left." 

Tommy headed up the stairs and Ada watched him for a moment, every warning bell going off in her head. He seemed unhinged, but holding himself together, which made him seem even more unstable somehow. She headed towards the kitchen at the back of the ground floor, knowing that the day was about to blow up.

Tommy stepped into Finn's room, finding his youngest sibling indeed still asleep. Memories from years before popped into his head, the weekends he'd sober up enough to stay with John and Finn, making Finn breakfast in the morning to give John a break. When had he stopped taking care of his own brothers and sister?

"Finn, it's Tommy. I need you to wake up." Tommy said in a calm voice, shaking Finn's shoulder.

"Tommy? What's going on?" Finn mumbled as he opened his eyes to find Tommy staring down at him.

"I need your help. Get dressed and meet us down in the kitchen, ok?" 

Finn nodded, fear rising in the back of his mind as he watched Tommy smile at him wanly, and then exit the room. Tommy's behavior was highly unusual, and it threw Finn off so much that he got right up and started pulling clothes out the dresser.

He walked into the kitchen to find Ada and Arthur sitting at the table, each giving Finn an uneasy look. Tommy was propped against the glass door that led out to the back garden, his back to the room, a cup of coffee in his hand. Finn quietly took a seat and stared at Arthur, who shrugged back at him.

"Finn's here, Tom. Time to tell us what's going on. You're scaring me." Ada spoke, trying to keep her voice level.

"My mind's being going a million miles a minute, since Saturday night. The fact that John thought that I might have ... anyway. It's all I've been thinking about, going over the possible options of who did it, who invited Martha, and why. The first idea that popped into my head, I thought it couldn't be, why would they do that? But it turns out I was right." Tommy said, turning towards the table.

The Shelbys seated at the table watched as Tommy placed a small piece of paper in the middle of the table and then stepped back, as if the paper were a contagious disease. Ada picked it up and then looked up at Tommy in surprise.

"See, the only way I could figure it, John, too, was that whoever invited Martha either did it intentionally to hurt John or to break him and Gemma up. It didn't seem like the small list of suspects would have any reason to just hurt him, so I went to option two. What would someone gain, or put an end to, if they split those two up? I couldn't quite figure it out, but it seemed like the ultimate goal was to hurt me in the end."

'Tommy, do you really think - " Arthur began and then closed his mouth when Tommy shook his head.

"The pieces were there in front of me, I just had to put them together. I found that in Grace's jewelry box." Tommy said quietly, looking at out the garden once again, ashamed to meet any of his siblings’ gaze.

Ada covered her mouth in shock while Arthur picked up the piece of paper to see what it said.

"What is it?" Finn asked.

"An address. For M.C." Arthur responded, the pieces falling into place.

"I had it confirmed by our security head. That address is the London flat rented by Martha Connolly, formerly of Birmingham." Tommy replied, his voice detached.

"What the fuck?" Finn whispered to himself.

The siblings sat in silence after Tommy gave them the full story, Arthur retrieving a bottle of whiskey from the front parlor. They each took a shot, Tommy a double, and then waited for him to speak again.

"I need to tell John myself, in person. Finn, will you come with me?" Tommy asked.

For the first time since speaking what had happened, Tommy looked Finn in the eye, and Finn could see the hurt and guilt that Tommy carried. No one had ever quite understood how exactly Tommy had gotten so cold and removed, but Finn was starting to understand now. Grace.

"Yeah, of course I'll go with you. They should be at the hotel, I think he planned to be there until that meeting you two have this afternoon at the Eden." Finn responded.

Tommy nodded and stood, looking down for a moment into the empty whiskey glass. Every choice he'd made in the nearly nine years he'd been with Grace felt like a mistake. Except for Charlie.

"I know I haven't been ... well, I haven't been the best brother. Or a good friend. To any of you. But I think I failed most with you, Finn. You and John." Tommy said quietly, looking up to find his siblings looking back.

"You're doing the right thing now, Tom. Let's get through this first, and we can talk about the past later. Alright?" Arthur replied, rising from his seat and putting a hand on Tommy's shoulder.

Tommy nodded and walked towards the front door, Finn following behind. He turned to look at Ada, who nodded and smiled in reassurance. 

************************************************************************

John lay half on top of Gemma, his head against her stomach, arm wrapped under her waist. It was the kind of morning John had fantasized about in the ten years prior. Quiet, slow, the air heavy with need and desire, all the time to satisfy his craving. He had just needed the right person to have that kind of morning with. Gemma ran her hand through his hair, pulling gently as he kissed her skin, down to the edge of her underwear.

A buzzing and blinking light interrupting her haze, Gemma looked over to John's nightstand and saw that his phone was lit up with an incoming call.

"J, your phone's ringing." 

"We're busy." John replied with a smirk as he looked up at her.

Gemma grinned back and John continued what he was doing, one hand running across her ribcage before trailing back down. Gemma could see his phone light up again, and John groaned in frustration as he heard the buzzing.

"Can't I get more than one day alone with my girl in this family? For fuck's sake." He mumbled into her side.

Gemma reached for the phone, barely grasping it in her fingertips, looked at the screen and sighed.

"Babe, it's Finn. He's called three times. I think you have to answer." 

John held up his hand for the phone and turned so that the side of his face was against her hip, putting the phone to his free ear.

"Finn, what's going on?" John asked, trying not to sound annoyed.

Gemma ran her fingers over the side of the shaved part of his head, listening vaguely to the conversation. She knew something was up, just based on the time of morning alone, Finn was rarely up and out this early. But she wanted to ignore it, to stay in this moment, to let John have her however he wanted. Because he always knew exactly what she wanted, too.

John hung up the phone and hugged Gemma to him, closing his eyes in frustration. Finn had said that Tommy needed to talk, and as irritated as John was with the interruption, he also had to assume it was something major. Because, realistically, the Tommy of the past several years never went out of his way for anyone.

"Tommy needs to talk, him and Finn will be here in twenty." John said as looked up at Gemma again.

"Promise me we'll continue this later?" Gemma responded with a pout.

"Oh I promise, love. This will be on my mind all day, swear to that." John replied, kissing her hip before getting up.

************************************************************************

Twenty five minutes later, John opened the suite door to a somber Tommy and a nervous Finn. He led them into the living area, where Gemma sat on the couch.

"John, have a seat, would you?" Tommy said, trying to remain casual.

Gemma raised an eyebrow to Finn, who shook his head and widened his eyes to communicate that the situation was indeed not good. Tommy watched John sit next to Gemma, and she turned towards him a bit, as John put his arm around her shoulder. She was wearing lounge shorts and what was clearly John's hoodie, and Tommy thought vaguely to himself that they'd likely still been in bed when Finn called.

Wordlessly, Tommy took the chair closest to John and handed over the small piece of paper. John looked it at, Gemma leaning over to see, and they both looked up at Tommy at the same time.

"I'm assuming this is Martha's address. Where did this come from, Tommy?" John asked, the rage that had cooled down starting to simmer again.

Tommy looked at Finn who looked back at him in terror.

"Tommy. You better tell me where you found this." John said, his voice hitting the eerie calm before the rage storm.

"In Grace's jewelry box." Tommy finally replied, the words hurting as he spoke them.

John sat back as Gemma put a hand on his thigh and he pulled her closer into him. He'd never trusted Grace, not from the moment he met her, but he'd pushed it aside because Tommy seemed happy. And then Charlie came along, and he felt stuck, unable to say anything about the mother of his nephew, who was so attached to him.

"What in the actual fuck is going on, Tommy?" John said, forcing his brother to meet his eye.

"What have you done, Grace? What the fuck have you done?" Tommy asked.

Grace looked back at him, her fear now tamped down by a cold confidence. Tommy could see it as it took over.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Thomas." Grace replied.

"I found this in your jewelry box. An address, with the initials M.C. Seems a little close to the name Martha Connolly, doesn't it?"

"You think I invited her?"

"There's no other option. I've thought through every scenario I can come up with. The only people with that much access to the office are my brothers, Ada, Anna, Lizzie, Esme, Alison, Aunt Poll, our two office assistants, and you. The ones who even know who Martha is brings that list down. The depths of damage that could be caused? We're looking at Shelby family members, Lizzie, and maybe Esme.  

But who gains from this? Who gains from bringing up a tragedy of that degree? Either someone who wants to just hurt John, or someone who wants to break up John and Gemma. That eliminates every person on that list with solid reason, one would think. But something made me keep coming back to you as the culprit, Grace. I know I'm right. I just don't know why."

"Do you not trust me, Tommy? Why would I do that? Lizzie had feelings for John, maybe she's jealous that he's in a serious relationship again. Or Esme, perhaps she likes him."

"All fair points, except the address is in your jewelry box."

"Well I didn't put it there, and how do you know it's her address for sure?"

"I've had it verified by Scudboat. Who also spent all of today with his team checking the security cameras at the office. It's Martha's address. And the only person who's been in the office long enough to do this, who isn't an employee, is you. I've already asked Francis to check the visitor list for the building, neither Lizzie or Esme have been here in months. So tell me, Grace, why did you do it?"

"What did you think was going to happen, Tommy? It's just a matter of time before Gemma convinces John to return to music. And then what? He convinces you to get the band back together? I did this for us. So that you wouldn't have to do that." 

Tommy looked at Grace for the longest moment of his life. What she was saying made no sense and all the sense. They had met just over a year after the accident, a year into the Peaky Blinders hiatus. At the time, he'd found her encouragement to do something outside of music to be positive and helpful. But now, looking back, he could see it all for what it really was.

"You used me. You saw an opportunity to control someone for your own gain, and you used me to do that. You never wanted me to go back to music, because you didn't think it was good enough, that I was good enough for you if I was a musician. All you saw was means to a very wealthy end."

Grace's silence was Tommy's confirmation that he was right. She saw that he had the mind for business, to build something from the ground up, something that she could take advantage of. Show off to her family and friends that her husband was an up and coming leader in London. Complete with a penthouse at the top of a glass tower to house her cold, cold heart.

"I'm right, then. You used me, and you used the worst night of my brother's life, not to mention my own, to manipulate the situation to stay in your favor. For a reason that isn't even real. If John wants to return to music, that's his choice. Gemma's feelings for him are genuine, I don't doubt that. And on top of it all, you hurt the one person your son is closest to in this family."

Tommy walked to the bedroom door, turning one last time to look at Grace. The look in her eyes was one he'd never seen. A look of betrayal that he could never have imagined.

John leaned back against the sofa, closing his eyes as Tommy finished the tale. Bloody hell.

He could feel rage pulsing through him, not just for himself, and for Martha, but for Tommy and Charlie as well. This woman had rolled into Tommy's life, seen an opportunity, and took full advantage. Even at the expense of her own son's feelings. 

"What are you going to do?" John asked as he lifted his head back up to look at Tommy.

"I can't stay with her. It's unforgivable. There's a small apartment a few buildings over I recently bought as an investment property, I'll stay there for now I guess."

John nodded and Tommy turned to look at Gemma, who was sitting quietly with a shocked expression.

"Gemma, may I speak with you privately?" Tommy asked.

Gemma nodded and stood up, kissing John's cheek before she followed Tommy out onto the terrace.

"I am truly sorry for you being involved in this. What Grace did was directed at you as well, and I wish I had seen it far sooner."

"She's responsible for her own actions, Tommy. I don't blame you for what happened. She saw someone in pain and took advantage of that back when you first met. I know John wants to talk to you about music, and you returning to it or not is your choice. But really think hard about it. Is there a part of you that would be denied? You suffered a great loss as well, and maybe for you, the music went with it. Just be sure you're being honest with yourself."

"I understand what Aunt Poll means about you. You see people, what they want, what they need. I know you aren't out to manipulate my brother." Tommy said, the realization hitting him.

Gemma nodded with a small smile, letting Tommy look her in the eye. She saw his pain, his grief, a brilliant man with a misguided notion of how to run from that pain and grief. Tommy let his intuition read her, and only saw loyalty and love for his brother, for the Shelby family. A strength within her they did not know they needed, that would prop John up when his own pain became too much sometimes. Tommy saw it all clicking into place now.

They went back inside to find John and Finn sitting in silence, mulling over what had just happened.

"There's some things I need to take care of right away. John, can you take the meeting with the council inspector this afternoon?" Tommy said as he reached for his keys.

"Sure, no problem. We're just finalizing the personal licence for the bar, right? Finn can come with me." 

"Yes. I'll be in touch later. Thanks." 

John walked Tommy to the door and hugged him on impulse. Tommy stiffened and then gave in to his brother's hug, knowing this was just the beginning of a huge upheaval in his life. The only thing he knew how to do was work, and there was work to be done now, to dismantle his marriage.

"I'm really sorry, Tommy. I wish it hadn't been Grace." John said quietly as he held the door open.

"I know. I'll be in touch, brother." Tommy replied, patting John's shoulder.

John watched Tommy walk down the hall, shoulders slumped down, head hung low. It wasn't until Tommy entered the elevator and turned around that John saw his brother's strength rise up, as he lifted his head, stood tall, and nodded in a silent response that he was on a mission.

************************************************************************

Gemma smiled to herself at the thought of continuing what John had started this morning. After a very subdued attempt to eat lunch following Tommy's visit, John and Finn had headed over to the Eden.

Gemma had agreed to sit on in a call with a band she'd worked with previously in the US, who were being scouted by the sister label to Church Street Records. The distraction had been welcome, and now she felt she was able to process what happened with a clearer mind.

John had made a reservation for that evening at a restaurant nearby that the family frequented a lot. They both knew that just sitting and dwelling on what Grace had done wasn't going to help either of them, so Gemma was glad to see that John was still interested in going.

As he walked back to The Gibson from the Eden, having seen Finn off in a car back to Ada’s, John’s mind wandered. He still couldn’t believe that Grace had been the one to invite Martha. It was one thing to have some fear that Tommy would go back to the Blinders (even if that fear seemed ridiculous), but to invite Martha, knowing it would cause not only John pain, but Martha, Tommy, Arthur, and Freddie as well? It was cruel.

Ten minutes later he opened the door to the hotel suite, finding Gemma lounging on the terrace, late afternoon sun breaking through the clouds. She seemed to be deep in thought, staring out into the distance while absentmindedly sipping from a straw.

“I’m back, love.” John said as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind and kissed her cheek.

“How did it go?” Gemma asked, putting a hand on his forearm.

“Good, everything is set for the opening. What are you thinking about?”

“Looks like I’ll be going to New York next month, just for a few days. Represent this band I used to work with.” Gemma replied, tilting her head back against his.

“It’ll be fine, I’m sure. I think right now, you and I should take advantage of the very large shower in our very large hotel bathroom, so we can get ready for our evening. Thoughts?”

John stood and held a hand out as Gemma smiled in response and took his hand, letting him lead her inside. She sat on the edge of the tub, watching as he gathered towels and turned on the shower water. John caught her eye with a small smirk as he pulled off his shirt, letting Gemma stare before slowly moving to undo his belt. She walked over and moved his hands, unbuckling the belt herself and then his jeans, letting them fall to the floor. 

Somehow he managed to kiss her and undress her at the same time, stepping backwards into the large glass shower, pulling her forwards into him. Steam rose as they stood under the dual shower heads, not breaking eye contact. It was only then that John let down his guard, let the emotions from the day come out, dropping his head against Gemma's shoulder as he held her.

“We’re ok, J. Tommy and Charlie will be, too.” Gemma said in his ear, holding onto the back of his neck.

John nodded and let the water rush over him, listening to Gemma speak to him softly. Her hand against his neck, the other running up and down his spine. He pressed his lips against her cheek, holding her body against his with one hand as he moved the other slowly down her side.    

“I don’t want this to ever change, Gem.” John said out loud, somehow feeling safer in the sound of the water falling.

“It won’t.” Gemma replied, moving her head to look up into the grey blue that seemed endless.

That night at dinner, Gemma could barely keep her eyes (and hands) off John as they sat in a private booth. She’d nearly fallen back on to the bed in their room as he’d come out of the bathroom in all black - black pants, black belt, black shirt loosely unbuttoned at the top. His hair was slicked back into it’s usual style, shirtsleeves rolled up.  

“Are you trying to kill me, Mr. Shelby?” Gemma asked, hand to her chest as she regained air.

“Just making sure you’re ready for later, darlin’.” John murmured in her ear, holding his hands behind his back, his breath sending shivers down her neck.

Gemma stood still as he reached out one hand, carefully running his finger over the strap of her top, taking note of the color of the bra strap beneath, then slowly across her collarbone, and down, ending at the top of her jeans. 

“Oh I’ll be ready.” She’d breathed out.

Now, John’s hand was sliding up her leg, over her jeans, and she could barely focus on finishing the plate in front of her. Every person in the dining room had watched as they’d passed, John’s confidence and charisma oozing off of him as he swaggered between tables, a hand on Gemma’s lower back. She could feel the jealous stares, and she had to admit it was a little fun to be on the arm of John Shelby. Scratch that. The most fun.

John was completely aware of what he was doing to her, watching her take a bite of her food, her eyes glancing at his bare neck, then back up to his face, flushing as she realized he’d seen. It was completely adorable to him. She didn’t seem to realize that she did the same thing to him. The way he could just see the edge of her bra under her top, her collarbone highlighted by several chains. The way he could feel how much she wanted him.

He leaned over, sliding his hand further up her leg as he did, Gemma watching the tendons in his neck flex against his skin, slightly flushed. 

“All I can think about is you being naked in our bed and my fingers inside you.” John whispered in her ear, ghosting his lips over her neck.

“You better get the bill soon, then.” Gemma managed to reply, her face flushing red.

Anyone who looked in their direction would see how much they wanted each other. Pupils wide, little space between them. John’s hand disappearing under the table, Gemma’s million glances towards his open shirt collar. It was palpable. 

John quickly signaled the waiter for the check, paying in record speed. They managed to walk back to The Gibson, Gemma laughing as she linked her arm through John’s. The loaded gaze he gave her as they waited to cross an intersection was enough to make her want him then and there in a back alley.

John slid his arm down and gripped her hip while they rode the elevator up to their floor, turning her into towards him. Gemma reached up to touch the exposed skin where his shirt was opened, the contact sending electricity through his body.

He flung the suite door closed, picking Gemma up at the same time. She kissed his neck and then down to his collarbone, sliding her hand underneath his shirt. John leaned against the entry wall, head back.

“Gemma … fuck … “ he moaned quietly, holding her up around his hips.

Gemma found herself being carried into the living area, John setting her up on a side counter. In seconds he had her down to her bra and underwear, and she took the opportunity to unbutton his shirt completely, putting her lips to each new place that a button revealed.

She looked up at John, his eyes molten blue as he looked back down at her. He picked her up once more, kissing her with such intensity Gemma felt like she would never breathe again, but it felt so good she didn’t care. 

John propped her against the wall by the bedroom, and ran his hand down, pushing aside her underwear. He slid one of his fingers into her easily, the foreplay of the evening helping things along. He heard Gemma moan his name as he slid in a second, the need to be completely consumed by her taking over. 

Gemma reached down and undid his belt buckle and pants, pushing them down with her feet. He was rock hard against her inner thigh and all she could think about was him being inside her, shirt open, pounding into her against the wall. She reached down again to touch him and John caught the look in her eye, the look that was asking for him to be rough.

Before she could even make a move, he pushed up into her so quickly it made her gasp, head back against the wall, looking up at the shadows the chandelier made. John put a hand next to her head and she leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his neck. She could feel the last barrier in him still up, the part of him that wanted to go harder and faster, to break through all the anger and hurt that had built up in the past few days. And yet, she’d never feel safer with anyone else.

“It’s ok, baby,” she whispered in his ear, “let go.” 

John moaned at the words, pushing into Gemma so far she saw stars. But her fingers running through the back of his hair and her lips against his jawline were a signal that she felt safe. So he continued, trying to replace every stain of rage with how it felt to be with the girl he loved, the image of her against the wall, the bright lace of her bra against freckled skin, the sound of her breathing, the way she looked at him in complete and total lust.