#'cause i feel like a lot of stuff would have and will hit harder if i knew the extra character content

[alilarxy]

Mutsumi

[bunnyboy-juice]

< 3

[yois2aki]

੭୧ chishiya with a reader with adhd... . ۫

chishiya shuntaro x gn!reader (requested)

— warnings: fluffy, reader and chishiya are in a relationship, beach arc, maybe ooc chishiya...

— summary: chishiya's incredibly high patience seems to be the perfect match for his super active partner <3

— word count: 1k

to put it simply, you were an outcast among other players at the beach.

people around you would either wonder how you were still alive, while others tried to actively befriend you so later you would suffice as bait on a specially harder game, from the way you acted so naive around others. you didn't take long to become aware of that, since you've never been in a hotel with so many ears.

thankfully, you had chishiya by your side. and while some concluded that you were only alive due to your boyfriend's aid, it seemed like his interest in you was elsewhere.

it was true that you could get easily distracted from the point of a game and almost cause a big disaster, but this also happened to be a quality for you.

you would pay most attention to stuff that others might consider useless in a moment of desperation, such as fighting for their lives; however, it wasn't unusual for that same stuff to define the difference between living and dying.

observing the littlest of details in a wicked place like the borderlands was a big advantage for you, and perhaps that was the reason you managed to survive all the time. unfortunately, most people didn't realize that, and you ended up just staying inside chishiya's shadow. not that you really cared; you preferred to stay in your own little world.

now, with chishiya's knowledge of the medical field, he resonated with your keen observations. it didn't take long for him to conclude that your hyperactivity didn't come from anything else other than a probable case of adhd. it was never declared between both of you whether you were diagnosed or not, but he didn't need a confirmation to know how to deal with your personality.

chishiya was a very calm person, if not the calmest you've ever met. his patience and your sensitivity worked well together. while he got to have a very smart partner, in their own ways, you got to have someone to listen to your ted talks and bring you back to the world when needed.

he isn't sure when and how he fell for you. that was something he didn't dwell a lot on, deciding to simply accept his feelings and be glad they were reciprocated.

but for some reason, he could not take his eyes off of your figure. for example, as you excitedly ran around a store you practically begged him to visit. it made it even better that you were both in the borderlands, which meant no one else was there but you both and an occasional sound of air hitting the windows.

"look, look! that's what i was telling you about earlier." you said excitedly, dropping whatever you were looking at before on the ground and practically running to the other side to look at the thing that caught your eye.

chishiya didn't even realize he had a small smirk on his face, bending over with a sigh to pick up the item you left and placing it back on the spot. he always hated messes, but he didn't feel the necessity to tell you that.

he walked towards wherever you went, hands inside his pockets, as he stared at you with practically stars in your eyes.

if he looked outside, he would notice the sun already starting to set, and since you were still stuck in the borderlands, soon everything would become dark due to the lack of electricity.

"we should get going soon; it's getting late." he decided to inform already. it wasn't going to be pitch dark until about 40 minutes, but he would rather tell you now so that you could process everything in your mind instead of when it's actually late.

"'shiya, look," you said more silently this time, already forgetting about what you were holding before and now pointing to a pile of books. "i love this series! we should take some home and read together."

"we should..." he replied with that calm voice of his, which was basically therapy for you.

by the time you both arrived back at the beach and in your shared room, it was already dead of night. you heard chishiya place the three shopping bags full of collectibles that interested you in a corner of the room.

he could tell you were tired by this time of the day, as the first thing you did was change into comfier clothes, lie down on the king-sized bed, and close your eyes for some moments without any energy to even have fun with your newly found collection.

chishiya admired you for a few moments. something about seeing you so serene made him feel better immediately, given that falling asleep was always trouble for you.

he soon changed as well, lying in bed beside you. chishiya was never one for physical contact, and you knew that. most nights you spent together were made just lying down next to each other, comforted by the fact that both were there.

however, you suddenly felt an arm envelop your waist, pulling you considerably closer to his body. you lied still for a few seconds until he spoke up. "is this okay?"

you felt like you should be the one asking, but since he was reaching out, you simply reciprocated his touch. nodding your head as you lied on his chest.

most nights were trouble for you, especially since the beach is a very noisy place that disturbs the rest of many. you were no different. during moments where it was specifically worse, you would toss and turn on the bed until chishiya eventually noticed and intervened by holding you close, since it seemed to always calm you down. it made you feel warm inside, knowing he was willing to bypass his boundaries for your comfort.

you were lucky to have someone patient and understanding like him in your life. and he wouldn't trade you for anything.

— a/n: waaa this was so cute.... i'm sorry if it's shorter than my past fics i feel like the fluffiness burned my brain out mmghhh (๑>◡<๑) i hope you guys enjoyed it... it's the first time i'm posting proper fluff here and i tried to focus on it a bit more rather than chishiya's constant teasing. i still think he's a menace tho !!!! sorry if this has any mistake btw... i could barely proofread it's late rn but i'll check in the morning <:

[olderthannetfic]

Hi OTNF and everyone,

I am finding that it's harder and harder and harder to get into anything - book, show, movie... most things seem, you know, to just not be doing it for me, be it fanfic or original stuff.

In part, I think, it's a general restlessness and that it's become harder to give anything enough time to get into the stories, the characters, the settings, the narrative voices... I guess you can call it attention deficit on my part, just a need for stories to deliver those sweet, sweet hits quickly, but they're not.

I'm not currently ficcing but I did for years (might again in the future, who knows), and it's made reading, specifically, harder. It's like I've become more aware of what goes on behind the scene, I guess? I feel like I can see the writer giving up on a sentence, skipping a scene because fuck this, trying hard to not repeat a word although it's the only one that fits, etc.

Or maybe it's just the *everything* around us in the world that is weighing on me too much? I could say it's adult life, but then again I have more free time than most (and boy do I need hours of doing nothing to survive the other hours), and no family/partner (all that would put even more pressure on me): what is wrong, to make everything so UGHHH?

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut with a brain moaning feed me, feeeed me, and whatever I try to give it, it spits everything out. (Yes, I've tried hobbies, and nothing sticks there either. I've never really found rewards or satisfaction there, so...)

Decades ago as a kid, I was a voracious reader, although studying literature took the pleasure of it away from me. It took time and discovering fanfic that brought me back to reading, but at the time the internet was starting to be a thing, too, and it can't have helped the attention thing. AFAIK I'm not ADHD but then again, I couldn't get a proper diagnosis (the therapists I saw were either dismissive or just about The Talking, which was pointless for me).

I just wonder how it all disappeared, you know? Sometimes I find something that catches my attention for a while - a book (but I read quite quickly when motivated), a fandom... but it's been a while now, and it's just so frustrating! When is it going to come back? Will it ever? *gulp*

I know that books were escapism when I was a child, and then fandom was escapism, but at the moment I find myself grabbing at air and my empty hands are mocking me. Give me my escapism baaaaack!

So, uh. Anyone here with me?

--

Yes.

I felt like that during part of lockdown. Anhedonia is common in those kinds of circumstances.

Getting your mojo back is certainly possible, but you may need to go see a professional about depression and have some chemical assistance (yes, even if you don't feel sad per se), or you may need to change your lifestyle to one that doesn't have the thing causing you to need eleventy billion hours of downtime.

Aside from serious interventions like that, you can consider a social media detox. Remove every source of doomscrolling and time wasting of that type. When the attention span is zero and nothing brings joy, the tiny and useless hits from finishing a game of solitaire or seeing one more instagram post become very attractive. This is a trap. It will suck what little energy and joy you have and make your muscles flabby for the work of getting into an in-depth book/hobby/experience.

I know the feeling of being able to see how the sausage is made, but... well... first, being in a better mental state will make that matter less, and second, reading prose that is more competent will make that less of an issue. A lot of mainstream tradpub genre fiction is not, in my opinion, very well written these days. Obviously, people are still enjoying it, and that's fine, but if you're noticing writers fumbling around, it might be time to check out some literary fiction or some other category known more for prose quality than anything else.

It's also important to have some structure and some things to look forward to. Even if you feel tired, overwhelmed, and busy, sometimes, the answer is to do more... But it must be things that are distinct and significant and that get you off of the couch, like going to one museum every weekend.

I saw some advice once about this kind of thing that phrased it as "One big adventure; one small adventure."

Every week, you should have those two things to look forward to that matter. Check out a new coffee shop. That could be the small one. Go to an event: a gallery opening, a concert, whatever.

Physical exercise and doing some things that aren't as verbal and conscious thought-involving is important too. Painting is a better hobby for zoning out than writing is. Taking long walks in nature is good for most people.

--

The kind of intense, obsessive love I had for reading as a child and that I sometimes have for fandom requires a lot of attention and some time. It's escapist, but that masks how much work it actually was. It didn't feel like work only because we were in training.

If you've filled your brain and your day up with a thousand petty annoyances or minor and useless attempts to feel something, you won't have the capacity for those deeper things.

Because you are already at a point that's equivalent to a bad sprained ankle, trying to get back to running right now won't work. You have to stay off of the ankle for a bit, then build your strength and stamina back up.

[narfin-frood]

another wave of swap doodles from another late night drawing sesh!

talking abt my new thoughts for the au also under the cut :))))))

so i've been thinking on the big catastrophic event. and i've landed on this:

i think the big catastrophic event is caused by the hat. the hat is never scooped up and adopted by wander during the big dispute the previous "owners" had, so it instead lands in the hands of jeff. jeff in the au is already a pretty normal, chill dude, with a band and a life. he's been friends with wander for a while, but during a lull where they don't see each other for a while, he gets ahold of the hat, and the possibilities overcome him. he Didn't Know how Good it feels to be Bad. and he's making up for lost time by tricking out his little ship with guns and thrusters and all sorts of evil stuff.

wander is taken into custody by sylvia, who is working for some organization like the men in black. she interrogates him, and realizes he doesn't know the first thing about what jeff has been up to in his absence, though she has pictures of them hanging out from years back.

they'd search for jeff, who announces himself as major threat when they finally catch up with him, and would attempt to produce some kind of enormous doomsday weapon from the hat. this would be like the last nail in the coffin for the hat, which was already within an inch of blowing up anyway, and it would explode and flatten the entire solar system and surrounding area, taking major threat with it.

sylvia and wander take shelter in a cave right before the blast hits, and when they come out, it's devastation all around. wander's been wrung out, now. his oldest friend is gone, and he feels to some degree responsible for the whole mess, even when sylvia assures him he isn't. they take a trip around and realize just how much damage the hat's explosion had done, and how far it stretches, and that's when wander starts to spiral. surely there's something he could've done to prevent it, and how dare he continue on when who knows how many wonderful people have just been vaporized in the midst of their "battle"(basically just yelling at major threat from a distance Not to Do It).

they come to rest on a planet that still has some firewood left, and sylvia goes off to gather it while wander takes shelter in another cave. A very damp cave, a dark cave, one that seems almost entirely untouched by time. and in the cave, there's one glowing orange mushroom.

anyway, that's about how long sylvia and wander know each other before the cult's inception. i think they only get to have a couple moments where they're just buds on a mission, and then it's all downhill. sylvia readily quits the men in black at some point between meeting wander and meeting major threat, but she retains the skills that made her such a good fit for it. and now, she doesn't have to wear those awful shoes that she hates.

honestly it's taken me so long to come up with something for it because, like i've said before, the wander over yonders are just kind of. backstory-less, largely. we get just enough backstory to want to know more, like with major threat and wander One Thousand Years Ago Exactly and sylvia's past as a bounty hunter, but. like. not much more than that.

and a lot of that has to do with the programming slot this show was given and how little time it actually spent on the air, like a lot of things, but also, y'know. tone. the show is aaaaaalmost a pure comedy, which i love it for, and the bits of tragedy and lore are almost always undercut with n jokes per minute. which!! again!!11! i like! i think it's fun and i like to be happy and have fun. and it also makes those moments of Ohhhh Ouchie my Feelings hit that much harder to have them entirely surrounded by peace love and funny joke.

so anyway. i kinda fear this backstory is just a little too #serious and makes too little #sense to me, but it's the closest i've come to something that makes sense for how wander turned out in the au. Shrugs. We shall see.

and all of this is from a little blurb i wrote for fun so like Please Dont Think This Is The Final Decision please. ill probably change All of this in some way or another bc i fear this gives sylvia very little time to be happy and i want her. to be happy. at some point. i need her to be happy more.

[ysrjune]

i need a SCOTT/ SAM TWINS X READER ASAP

maybe smth like sam was seen with alyssa and scott was seen with shelby WHILE THEY SLEPT WITH READER (or dating reader) so y/n makes them PAYYYY UPPPPPPPPPP purrrr

or any other twin story cuz i realllyyy need them so badly rn

* GIRL YOU GOTTA SHOW ME ᐟ # 🪻

sorry I put this off so long I wasn't sure how to write it but here it is scrumptious 💋

edit: so I um wrote the first paragraph on Saturday but after the cut, it gets STRAIGHT to the point because im too lazy to think of anything else to say + I feel like a lot of the stuff I write is the same exact thing + I feel bad not getting to this for a week.. IM SORRY

uh this is more about scott cause what I wrote.. WOAH. never written about that before. trying something new. anyway I feel like scott WOULDNT like this but sam would, so he's not the one really being punished yk? PLEASE COMMENT AND LMK WHAT U THINK OF THIS!

"Neither of us is even dating you." Scott scoffs. "I dunno about you," He looks at his brother. "But I'm not gonna let some chick I slept with once, tell me who I can and can't see." The blond rolls his eyes. He was wrong. He was definitely gonna let you boss him around, but you needed to show him that you actually could. Scott is so fucking stubborn all the time it's so annoying. He was even worse than his brother, and that says more than enough. Sam is such a little bitch too.

Scott whines as you slap his cock over and over again. "That hurts!" His voice was high pitched and his eyebrows were knitted together. "Should have thought about the consequences of acting like a brat." She rolls her eyes and slaps it once more—harder than the other times. "I'm sorry I'm sorry," He whimpers. "I'll be good. Just stop slappin' it around like it's some sort of toy." He pants and makes eye contact with Sam.

Sam was holding back a smile. Seeing his brother being put in his place for once was awesome. He wasn't looking at his dick though, that would be really gay and sooo weird. "Should have kept your big louth shut, huh Scotty?" The pasty teen shakes his head. "What. A. Shame."

"Don't think you're not getting it either." She gazes over to Sam.

"What?!" Sam scoffs. "I didn't do anything!"

"You lied to Alyssa. You said you've never done anything with a girl. I'll let you know now.. Alyssa and I are friends."

Sam's heart drops. No way. No way you two are friends. You just.. let him go hook up with your friend? After doing the nastiest things with YOU?

"Thats kind of skankish." He mumbles and tongues his piercing. "What the hell am I getting in trouble for? I didn't know you were friends, you didn't tell me."

"You lied to her about being a virgin. I don't appreciate you lying to my friend."

Sam groaned. He pretended like getting his cock slapped was the worst thing that could ever happen to him because it doesn't feel good! But you both knew he was putting on an act. He's a little freak. He's probably dreamed of getting his dick smacked repeatedly.

While this whole conversation between you and the other twin was going on, you didn't stop torturing the blond. Unlike his brother, he hated this. It hurt so damn bad. Didn't feel good in the slightest way. "please stop. i-i'll stop giving you attitude."

"Liar." She rolls her eyes and smacks his cheek, causing him to whine at the sharp sting. "You're only saying that because you want it to stop. I want you to apologize to me, and you better make it good."

He whined and mouthed off about how this is so stupid and that he'd never apologize to you. He didn't owe you an apology. Does he know he could easily put an end to this? Duh.. but he's letting it happen. Why? He doesn't know. Its definitely not because he likes it. His cheeks were red and his eyes were pouring tears.

So what was the deal? Scott Monroe loves to get put in his place.

"I won't talk b-hhuuh.." He squeezes his eyes shut. "back.. I'll-mmh!!" Scott continues to whine as you hit him. "I won't be a brat anymore, fuck! Just stop. Please stop. You're hurting me." He manages to say without any other cries.

Now, it was Sam's turn.

Scott rested his cheek on your thigh, laying on his side on your bed. His left hand was caressing your knee. Your left hand was caressing his cheek meanwhile your right was slapping Sam's cock.

He hisses, laying back on his elbows, watching how you repeatedly beat him. "Fuck.. that feels great." Freak. He got way too into it.. he tried to take your wrist and fuck into your hand. Well, actually, he did do that.. you let him work himself up. Before he came, you removed your hand and he was pissed.

And unexpectedly, he was able to cum with one more hit to his cock.

"We should do this again sometime." Sam smirks. "Don't you think it's a good idea Scott? Wasn't that so much fun?"

Scott gazes at his brother. "Mm-mm." He hums like a child and hides his face back into your thigh. Honestly, you liked when he got like this. He was gonna be so sweet and touchy the rest of the night.

@bxbyysstuff @anakinstwinklebunny @lovethestarrs @valloos @anisangeldust @xo-yaaaaaasxo @anakinca @dollfilmz @alexlovesysrjune @sockiess @sythethecarrot @speaknow-sw @loveamira @alealuvshayden @mvst4far

[illusionsdelusions101]

Ｄｏｇ Ｗａｌｋｅｒ☆

Guys. I kinda love this. Trying out some new stuff <3

!!!NOT PROOFREAD!!!

Charles x fem!reader

Type~Fluff

You sigh as you knock profusely on Charles Leclerc's door. You get out your phone once more for what feels like the thousandth time, and text him, when in reality you sent him only five texts. You take a step back as you hear shuffling in the apartment and a few seconds later, the door opens to reveal Charles, his eyes wide with pity and panic. "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I overslept, I'm late for meetings! Shit!" He leaves the door open you his apartment as he sprints back to his room to get out of his pyjamas and into proper clothes. You step inside of the grand Monaco apartment, admiring it everytime you walk into the comforting space. Suddenly, you hear fast paws, scratching on the wood floor. You smile, already knowing the small Dacshund was making his way towards you. You kneel on the floor as you see the golden fur of the dog. He runs to you, putting his front paws up on your knee has he jumps up on you. "Hey bud!" You chuckle as you pick him up, licking all over your face. "Ready for your walk?" Leo barks in response. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "

Shit, shit, shit!" Charles curses for almost the hundreth time. He fumbles with the keys as he tries to lock his door. You look at the puppy, sitting on the floor paitently, wagging his tail. His harness and his leash connected to him, the leash in your hand. You're a dog walker for the famous Charles Leclerc. You're an old friend of his, you train dogs, your good at your job, no doubt. You usually train police dogs but you have some days off. One day in particular, is when Charles is in meetings and hasn't got the time to walk Leo. You teach Leo how to heel and sit and stuff like that, small things to make Charles's life a little easier and the wood floors not covered in dog piss. "Your getting paid extra. I'm so sorry." He looks at you for a second, while still juggling the keys in his hand. He finally tries a gold one, going into the keyhole perfectly, and turning with a satisfying click. He mutters a small "aha!" under his breath, while you start giggling at him. "What's so funny?" He turns to you, hands on his hips as he cocks an eyebrow causing you to laugh louder and harder. "I'm usually the one late, I thought Charles Leclerc was always early and on time?" You cover your mouth. "Fashionably late, this time." He flips his non existent long hair, which makes you proper laugh and blush. Yes yes, you had a crush on Charles Leclerc, but who doesn't? You're just lucky he even knows who you are and that you exist. You liked him for his humour and personality, but yes, looks and charisma did also play a big part. "Let's hit the road!" You exclaim, which causes Leo bark and start walking. You walk down as far as the car park where he waves you a goodbye with his perfect smile. You return it. You and Leo make your way to a park, you watch as the leaves start falling, signaling it will be Winter soon. Christmas, snow, hot chocolate, the whole lot. You blush at the thought of it spending it with Charles, you shake the thoughts quickly as you realise a cat is across the road and Leo is barking his head off. As you were walking Leo, Charles couldn't stop thinking about you in the meetings. Your smile, laugh, your eyes, everything about you. It's corny as fuck but when he saw you again after highschool, it felt like love at first sight. You were training a dog that was quiet stubborn but you weren't giving up. When Charles saw you, he froze in his car. When you were close enough to it, he jumped out, calling your name and you started talking. If he cold go back to that moment, he would again and again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're chilling inside of Charles's apartment after your walk with Leo, Charles gave you a key incase you were finished early or you wanted to come by. You thought of this as a nice gesture so whenever you came over, you cleaned. You always left the place sparkless and he always bought you food, win win. You hear the door unlock, the aroma of pizza makes its way throughout the apartment. You hear footsteps get louder and you see Charles come into the living room with a pizza box. "Hey." He grins at you exhaustedly. "Hey." You return it. He throws himself on the couch after placing the pizza box on the coffee table. You guys have a feast, eating, laughing and chatting. As you cleaned up, you knew it was time to tell a secret to Charles. A secret you've kept for a long time but it would be told now. "Charles?" "Yes?" "I'm moving to Argentina." Crash. "Charles, are you okay?" You step over the shards of plate and end up standing next to him. You take his hand and study it, a small cut with blood, but still producing a lot. You look up at him, his eyes were spaced and heavy with something. Dread, most likely. "We have to get this cleaned up, cmon Charlie." You tug on his arm. But he doesn't budge. "When... do you leave?" He swallows hardly. "Early morning. Everything is at home packed. I just wanted to spend my last time here, with you, before I go. Cmon, let me clean you up." You bandaged his hand, and sat on the couch with him, trying to crack some jokes but nothing. He was so.. empty. You sat on the couch, the TV playing some white noise. You looked at him. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. My lease was up and one of my friends live there so I thought it would be a nice change.... I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier so you could get a new walker for Leo." You explain to him, a pang in you heart as you see his eyes well up with tears. You look at the clock. 8pm. It was time for you to go home and get some sleep, as you flight was at 4am. "I have to go, speak to me Charlie." You pleaded, desperation in your voice. "Fine." You get up grab your purse off the coffee table and walk into the hallway. You take off your slippers and place on your combat boots. You check yourself in the mirror, wiping away a tear in your eye with your nail. You turn towards the door and open it, a hand grabs your wrist and you look back. Charles. He closes the door with his other hand, and takes your hands in his. "Don't leave. I need you." He says lowly. "I...We're good friends. We can make it work over Faceti-" "Not a platonic, 'I need you'. A romantic, 'I need you.' Are you that dense? I love you. Stay. Fuck Argentina, stay with me." He slips one of his hands out of your and uses it to tilt your head up, making you look him in his gorgeous eyes. He leans down and gives you a sweet kiss, filled with love. "If I didn't convince you, I hope that did." You stand there, in shock. You wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him again, with fierce love and promise. A promise that you will stay. "I love you too, Char." You whisper against the ghost of his lips. "So your staying? With me? And...will you be my girlfriend?" He does a cute clueless little eyeroll, which makes you laugh and blush. "Yes, to all of those." You kiss in the dimly lit hallway one last time.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for venting to my friend about my fiancée?

I (24M) have been with my fiancée (26NB) for about 3 years now. I try to avoid venting to my friends about it when I’m having little relationship annoyances because I used to do that for a while and it ended up with them just getting a horrible image of her because when good things happen that make me happy I would be responding IRL with my fiancée or gushing about it publicly e.g. on Twitter which most of my friends don’t use, vs when bad things happened I’d go to them to vent directly so they were only seeing the shitty moments. They would just always tell me she sucked or to break up with her which just wore on me because I don’t want to do that, they know I don’t want to do that, they know I don’t think I need to. Our relationship is super affectionate, has helped me massively in improving mentally and socially and in my confidence, makes me genuinely happy, and is for the most part, with certain problems we’ve been working on aside, healthy.

It’s not a communication issue or anything, I’ll address any issues with my fiancée directly as well and we’ll resolve it between us, just sometimes I’d feel the need to vent out my upset first while calming down or talking through what to say to her before I brought it up etc.

However this changed recently. my fiancée has always been a very physical person, she’s cuddly and loves kisses and just general touching, and that also translates into her playfully hitting me a lot, which I’ll do as well. Smacking each other on the ass when we pass each other, jokingly hitting each other’s arms (gently) when we’re making fun of each other, stuff like that. Very occasionally this will bother me (the other day she pinched my face hard enough that it hurt for like 20mins afterwards) but for the most part I genuinely could not care less and I take it as all in good fun.

She has never hit me in anger before, until today. She was playing a video game and died, and I laughed while sitting next to her when I saw it, and she just turned around and hit me full force. Like, harder than she’s ever hit before, and causing genuine pain. Usually I would just brush it off because like I said she hits me in a joking way a lot, but when I kind of gave a startled “ow” she just looked at me and hissed “Don’t laugh” through her teeth and she looked genuinely pissed off, and the force behind the hit just caught me completely off guard. It was also very very sudden because we’d been talking normally and light-heartedly, had even been cuddling a few minutes before, and although she was pretty clearly exasperated at the game (sighing, saying “oh my god” when the fight was going downhill) I didn’t think it was serious anger, so her abruptly whipping around and hitting me like that was so sudden and whiplashy I didn’t even have time to register it.

I have PTSD (C-PTSD? don’t remember what the specific diagnosis was) from my last relationship which was abusive in pretty much every way you can think of, and one of my biggest triggers that has been relevant in this relationship as a result of it is raised voices/anger around me (not necessarily At me, just like when my fiancée is getting frustrated or stressed and she’ll start hitting her keyboard or shouting and it’ll make me start panicking), but this is the first time I’ve had to confront being triggered by a physical violence thing. I started dissociating like hell so I left the room when she was distracted by the game and ended up slipping out of the house to call one of my best friends via Discord and lowkey cry about it

I genuinely don’t really remember what I said, the gist was just that I’d been triggered by my fiancée hitting me in anger and that I needed to calm down before I went back. This may have been a dick move because this friend is a mutual friend of me and my fiancée - I knew her first and am closer to her, but she recently met my fiancée in person for the first time and they seemed to get along well, and we’re in several servers and stuff together.

After I was done I went back in and my fiancée apologised for hitting me so hard. I said thank you and we moved on

But afterwards she confronted me because my friend had sent me a message after that basically just checking in on me and my fiancée had seen the message on my laptop that she was using to game. I usually have my Discord on Do Not Disturb when she’s using my computer just so she’s not bothered by notifications beeping at her constantly so I’m not sure if it wasn’t on for some reason and it popped up on-screen or if she minimised the game and saw it somehow, but she was incredibly upset with me because she said I’d made her out to sound physically abusive. I did explain that I’d made clear to the friend she’d never seriously hit before this, but she said that didn’t matter because it was still giving off that impression and that it was unfair because her hitting me was done in a moment of frustration/anger and I shouldn’t have laughed at the game.

I apologised and we dropped it but I do notice that since then she’s been on my computer/phone more often and she’s slid into a few of my friends’ (and I mean My friends, not ones she talks to or knows and not ones I’d said anything about this to) asking if I’ve ever spoken about her and if she can give her side of the story. My friends came straight to me about it because they felt uncomfortable with what they saw as being prompted to talk about me behind my back.

Reasons I don’t think I’m TA: She hit me, and I know she vents about me to her friends too, and although it does bother me that her friends don’t like me because of it (for I assume much the same reason some of mine don’t like her for, AKA only hearing about negative stuff) I’ve always maintained she has the right to do it. I think everyone should be able to vent to friends about partners or family and vice versa in private because venting is normal and as long as it’s not dishonest or just pure shit-talking them I think it can be helpful and even healthy.

Reasons I think I might be TA: I went to a mutual friend so she also has something to lose if this friend forms a negative opinion of her, I laughed at her dying in the game even though I know she gets incredibly frustrated and competitive in games, and I’ve never had an issue with her hitting me more playfully before so she may have just misjudged how hard it was.

So AITA for telling my friend my fiancée hit me / getting so upset about it or is it just PTSD acting up and making me overdramatise something that is basically on the same level as the joke hitting?

What are these acronyms?

[ncsdlr]

Sharing is Not Caring - N.R.

Word Count: 3145

Warnings: being tied up to a chair, degradation, aftercare, spanking, paddle use, restraints, sub!nat, dom!reader

Pairings: Natsha Romanoff x Reader

A/N: This has been rotting in my wattpad drafts fr. It's been I think a year since I wrote this, and I have posted it. I'm trying to clear our my drafts, so you should be expecting a lot of activity from me. Also this is pure smut so....

-------------------

A loud slap echoed in the spacious room where Natasha sat tied to a chair in nothing but her undergarments. The woman standing in front of Natasha at the moment is you.

Y/N Y/L/N. Her beloved.

"Y/N, don't you think you're overreacting a little here?"

"Oh, I'm not overreacting." You grinned at her, looking her right in the eye. "You see, this is what happens when you go around town with another woman and act like a fucking prostitute."

You gently reached forward and grabbed a tight hold of Natasha's hair in the back of her head. "You have anything to say for yourself, honey?"

"Y/N, please. This is all just a misunderstanding. Besides, I'm allowed to have fun with my friends and you doing all this stuff just because of it is making you look selfish."

Within the snap of a finger, you smacked Natasha across the face repeatedly, the force of it all strong enough to make you almost lose the grip you had on her hair. Her cheek was heating up rather quickly with the blood rushing to the spot you would repeatedly hit her which, in this case, was on both sides of her beautiful face. Natasha was panting when you stopped hitting her, so she rushed to speak before you got the chance to continue, but you just had to be a quick little shit and beat her to it.

"Don't call me selfish. I hate sharing, and you know that yet you proceeded to whore yourself out to Maria Hill in front of the world. So now, what we're going to do here is punish you. For all the horrible things you've done to my tattered heart."

You walked away from Natasha, moving to a drawer at the far end of the room. You reached inside the drawer and plucked out a variety of instruments you planned to use on your girlfriend. You could have sworn you heard Natasha whimper. You turned back to Natasha, a faint evil grin present on your face. Natasha was squirming in her seat at the vibrator in your hands.

You were now standing in front of her, a wide smirk settled on your face, thus scaring the shit out of Natasha a hell lot more, which caused her to begin her pleading. "Maria's just a friend, please, you don't have to do this."

"You're pathetic." You pulled her hips towards you and placed the vibrator on her wet core, moving up and down her cunt, the woman panting out heavily in surprise.

"Are you sorry, Natasha?" You turned the vibrator up a higher to a higher setting and stopped moving it, now keeping it still on her clit. Natasha could not speak, then you heard the loudest moan slip past her lips when you pressed the vibrator harder on her clit just right. It was always like this when the two of you had sex. Whatever kind of sex you were having, the infamous Black Widow would be dumbed down into nothing all because of you. Natasha can and would swear that you had godly powers with the way you always fucked her dumb.

"You realize this is all your fault, don't you? You could have avoided all of this if you had just acted normally and not the slut you're only allowed to be when you're with me."

When you harshly pulled her hair back to husk in her ear, Natasha's eyes were mid-rolling to the back of her head, thus making the woman gasp aloud. "You're such a stupid whore, Natasha." You knew your words were falling on deaf ears, but you still proceeded to talk just to be able to reprimand the redhead later. "This feels so good for you, doesn't it? Or are you just not as bright as you were earlier, and that's why you're not talking back now?"

All Natasha could do was breathily moan in your face, too high on pleasure to respond to you with even a single nod. Natasha could barely even catch her breath, so the fact that you were expecting so much of her right now was so unfair to her. I mean, how do you even expect her to respond when you know how your words alone affect her?

"You're being very disrespectful, Natasha. I've asked you three questions, yet you haven't answered at least one of them. You don't want me to prolong your punishment, do you?" That caused the woman you loved's eyes to widen, the fear of you going through with your threats shining through her blown-out green eyes.

"No, please. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" Natasha rushed to speak, albiet sounding drunk, finally getting the least bit of control over her muddled mind.

You grinned, "That's what I thought, little girl, but if you really are sorry, you would answer all my questions." As you spoke, you were very rudely interrupted by the woman of your dreams warning you of the coil in her stomach nearly snapping.

"I'm so close."

"No." You pulled the vibrator away from Natasha's core and listened to her loudly whimper out a 'No'  at the loss of pleasure. "If I were to let you cum, who would you be cumming for? Are you cumming for Maria Hill," You pressed the vibrator back onto Natasha's cunt only to pull it away again upon continuing, "Or me?"

Natasha was whining, panting, and moaning like a bitch in her seat whilst you repeated the action of putting the vibrator directly on her clit and then taking it all away. Your eyes focused on her face, watching as it went through shock, pleasure, then frustration. In your focus and intense eye contact with Natasha, the woman was not able to form a single thought in her head, her mind being clouded by all three of the results your actions gave her.

You would watch her face contort for the 10 seconds where you held the vibrator against her, then listen to her huff angrily at you and your ministrations - but mostly you. You were mesmerized by the beauty of your lover, so much so that you rewarded her beauty by pressing the vibrator on her clit once more, this time not intending to take it all away at the last second. You watched as she gasped, her eyes fluttering close but fighting herself to keep them open, although somewhat futile. "God, you're so pretty, Natty."

Your soft gaze made her melt, and your faint smirk at it told her you were enjoying her little reactions. "Answer my last question, baby. Would you be cumming for me or your beloved Maria Hill?"

"Only you, Y/N. Only you- Oh, please let me cum, Daddy!" Natasha continued to babble out her pleas, not noticing how you had let go of her hair and was now kneeling in between her smooth thighs. Natasha jerked back and moaned, throwing her head back in the process when you started licking at her tasty cunt all whilst still holding the vibrator against her. 

Natasha stuttered in her moans, her fists bleeding white from being clenched so hard behind her back. Her eyes were tightly closed, and her teeth were firmly pressed together, trying her hardest to spit out a warning before she exploded on your face. But through all her hard work, she still could not get a single word out of her mouth, only breathy stuttered moans, gasps, and pathetic whimpered pleas. 

Natasha could hardly breathe, and when your tongue wiggled around that rough spot within her, her tether broke, her juices spilling all over your mouth and your nose, and even the vibrator that was still firmly pressed against her sensitive core. Natasha was breathing heavily, trying to regain control of her senses, only for you to take her breath away again with a bruising kiss. 

Everything was going well during the kiss, excluding the burning feeling Natasha felt in her chest at the lack of much-needed oxygen. It was only when the redhead felt a harsh slap come in contact with her face, thus breaking the kiss, did she suddenly yelped out. "I haven't allowed you to cum yet, have I?"

Natasha was near sobbing when you started undoing her restraints, already preparing to lose her dignity just to beg for your forgiveness, but then you pulled her up suddenly, carrying her nearly limp form over your shoulder, and guided her to lay down on the perfectly made bed you shared with her. Again, Natasha was going to speak up, but just like the last time, you'd interrupted her again with a ball gag in her mouth, and that was the moment she deemed you to be her worst enemy.

"Oh, Natasha. You really should know better." You walked around the bed just for dramatic purposes and collected a few more items to use on your gorgeous lover. "I thought you would be brighter than this, being a trained super spy and all." You were fastening the harness of your large strap around your hips, keeping your eyes locked onto Natasha, watching as she whimpered around her ball gag with tears cascading down her pretty face. 

You truly were in awe of her. The beauty she possessed was, in your opinion, unmatched by every single person you'd ever come across. You collected a variety of restraints and tightly tied her to the bed like the letter 'A'. You secured a lengthy leg spreader around Natasha's ankles and grabbed both of her hands to tie them above her head on the velvety headboard.

Natasha's eyes watched you move around the room, watching on as you thought over what you planned to do to her. The possibilities were endless, and so she feared she would not make it out of this alive. I mean her pussy sure isn't. What Natasha feared the most about you doing to her was edging her. She loved it when you edged her, but only to an extent. The thought of you building her up to where she was about to bust only for you to take it all away terrified her even more than your harsh slaps ever had. 

To say Natasha was shocked at your statement would be a huge understatement. Your soft tone threw her off even more, and when you smiled at her gently, her brows couldn't help but come together and form a crease as they met. "I'm allowing you to cum, Natasha. You can cum whenever you feel like it just remember your safe word."

That couldn't be just it, there had to be a catch, but all her thoughts went back to being mush when you ran the tip of your silicone cock through her slit, collecting the juices that had pooled there. Then when you pushed yourself into her soaking cunt, her mind was further melted into a puddle sloshing around in her skull. Your pace was tough, causing her legs to tighten around you- well, as much as the leg spreader allowed. 

Natasha was moaning wildly beneath you, writhing and nearly trembling at the speed of your hard thrusts. Her hands were sore, but not sore enough for her attention to be on it. Natasha tried speaking, but all that was heard were the jumbled pronunciation of her words

Good thing you were equipped with the skill to translate her muffled words. "You gonna cum, baby? You gonna give me all that this slutty pussy can?"

Natasha nodded furiously, her hips rising from the bed with much restraint. She could barely move, but the high she was chasing was enough of an inspiration for her to try gyrating her hips up to yours.

"Cum whenever you like, my whore. If it gets too much, you can always use your safe words."

If your dirty words were any indication that you were planning something epic, Natasha wouldn't have known thanks to the blinding white light that flooded her field of vision when she came. By god, you could swear that her face when she came was that of goddesses'.

"Oh, my darling, you're so beautiful." Your soft words were very stark contrasts to the continuation of your harsh pounding. Natasha didn't even have a minute to come down from her previous high before you were pushing her over another edge.

"Oh, fuck. Fuck!" You don't understand how that sounded very clear, but you were not complaining whatsoever. You could even say that you were impressed.

You stared into Natasha's shining eyes while you plowed her into the mattress. "You're such a fucking whore, Natasha. No wonder Hill was all over you when you decided to go out with her. You're disgusting. I mean, Look at you, the infamous Black Widow dumbed down to nothing by her meager partner."

Your words were enough to tip her over the edge of sweet release. Her legs shook around you while her moans sounded more stuttered and broken, nearing the kind of moans that sounded like sobbing. You stilled your hips, much to Natasha's relief, and pulled the ball gag out of her mouth.

Natasha gasped and heaved in the air. The woman barely even noticed when you pulled out of her, her brain being a little too fogged up to register anything.

Picking up the discarded vibrator from earlier, you pressed it firmly on Natasha's pussy, sliding it up and down her slit. The sound of her sticky arousal echoed around the room along with the incessant vibrator unleashing hell upon your precious woman's sweet cunt.

"Oh, god, Y/N, that feels so good!" Natasha had her eyes tightly shut with her mouth hanging open in a silent scream. Her next words were whispered pleas before she exploded all over the vibrator you held along with your forearm.

"You're doing so good, my princess." You coo'ed climbing off of Natasha just enough to reach the leg spreader attached to her ankles. You freed her feet, grabbing your woman by the back of her thighs only to flip her over onto her stomach.

"We aren't done yet?" You could've cackled at her question if not for the way her gaping cunt was distracting you. Instead of rudely mocking Natasha, you lightly chuckled through your nose, caressing her plump ass whilst also licking and biting at it.

"No, my darling, I'm not done with you yet." You smirked as you pulled away, moving to grab two paddles of the same size, placing them on top of Natasha's ass, using them to caress her skin. "You ready, baby?"

Natasha was panting into the pillow, writhing against the paddles on her bottom as she furrowed her eyebrows, "For what?"

You lifted one of the paddles and brought it back down harshly, making your lover yelp in surprise, watching how Natasha's ass rippled at the impact. "Oh, Daddy!"

You wanted her to be loud in any way possible. If you weren't known to get everything you wanted before, now you are. You brought the other paddle up and then down again much harder than the last. Then you lifted both paddles, bringing them back down with a force that made Natasha scream louder than she ever had before.

Your onslaught upon Natasha's ass was unrelenting, hitting her ass to sadistically watch her skin ripple at the force you were dealing with. You relished in the screams and moans she released, each one bringing waves of arousal to pool in your underwear.  the woman is now full-on sobbing, the pain and the pleasure blending in with each other deliciously within her. She was enjoying this just as much as you were, if not more. She loved it when you got all sadistic about her. It made her feel like she was living on the edge, and she was enjoying the breeze there. 

At the last strike you gave to Natasha's plump ass, her orgasm embarrassingly tore through her, getting past her holds and slipping through her sex. You could have laughed if you didn't have any self-control, but alas, the goodness in your tattered heart pounded through, causing you to feel the need to protect her. 

Now, with the heat of the moment subsiding, your goal shifted from punishing Natasha by making her feel what you felt when you saw her with Maria to shower her with the softest kisses known to man. You hushed your wailing lover, careful with your hands as you pulled the restraint from her reddened wrists.

"Hush, my darling. It's all over now." You planted a small kiss on the top of her head before moving off of your shared bed. "Let me grab a soothing cream for your butt, baby, don't move."

As you gathered what you needed from the bathroom, Natasha used that small bit of alone time to actually think of what she'd done. She reprimanded herself for completely leaving you alone at the party you came to together and ditching you for some other girl.

Truly, her interaction with Maria was nothing more than friendly. They shared talks of their respective life partners and what they've been up to recently, nothing scandalous at all. But now that she'd been punished, she could see how that may have looked from a non-participant-of-the-conversation's point of view. Now that she'd been punished, she felt bad for what she may have made you feel.

Safe to say, she learned her lesson.

A gasp tore through her throat at the cold sensation that rippled across the bruised skin of her bum. "It's okay, hun, it's just a bit of cream." And as you continued to work on her, wiping her down and all that, you spoke, "You took your punishment so well, baby. Have you learned your lesson? Do you understand why you were punished?"

"Yes, Daddy." Natasha responded.

"Tell me why I punished you." It was a soft command, but natasha shivered at it either way, and she shamed herself for it.

"Because I hurt you at the party. I wasn't paying attention to you." You hummed as she listed what she thought could be part of the reason you punished her, then she followed up with, "I'm sorry."

"Ah, it's okay, honey. It's a lesson learned." With a kiss to her now exposed collarbone, you finished up with cleaning and getting Natasha ready for bed. "You're all done now. Get some rest, Natty, we can talk about this more in the morning over some breakfast."

With a content smile and a warm feeling spreading through her chest, Natasha laid her head on your shoulder right as you settled in next to her. She seemed your warmth just as you did hers, wrapping each other up in comfortable embraces and even stealing a few kisses here and there.

[dramalove247]

Favorite Things: Our Youth part 1

Instantly wanted to re-watch this series, but not emotionally ready for that. Pretty sure this is one of those stories that will cause me more pain the second time around. Even putting this post together caused a lot of feels. We fell in love with the story of these two broken and abandoned boys that make each other their home.

Apparently this will be part 1 of 2 because we had more than 10 posts we wanted to share and refuse to cut any more of them than we already had! So enjoy some of our favorite posts (spoilers ahead):

Starting with the end. It gave us so much sweet comfort, but there was also a layer of pain just under the surface. For us, it was perfect. It felt real and deep and complicated and matched the tone of the entire show. We love how Minase and Hirukawa have found what they needed in each other and it's the start of their healing.

Though the choice to stay in the closet, and the weight and emotional toll of that decision, may not have been the ideal ending people wanted, we think it was beautifully honest. We agree with @small-dark-and-delicious that the way this unfolded in the story fit the characters. We think the show did an amazing job of portraying the complexity of the situation and we are grateful for it's inclusion and the emotions and conversations occurring because of it.

The testing of the waters in their friend group felt like Hirukawa trying to open the door, no matter how small. We agree with @aceoflights that Hirukawa intentionally did it in a way that would protect Minase.

@putterphubase put together a beautiful post of 😍 GIFS containing some of the sweetest moments from episode 10

"Shit. That was some serious foreshadowing." We knew more pain was coming, so it only made this scene hit even harder. We were definitely with @pigglepiephi on this one.

This show sucked us in hard and fast. But this scene, WTH?!? We watched that SHIT BEFORE BED!!!! That was a mistake of epic proportions. It was way too late to feel these emotions, forget trying to confront the tailspin that was caused by this seriously toxic red flag desperate act of self endangerment for the sake of connection being romantic as fuck. How do you sleep after that?!? answer is you don't, you watch an episode of Fourever You Thanks for the screenshots of this scene @respectthepetty

And 😍 GIFS by @wanderlust-in-my-soul of just after the admission. Kill me again.

Editing to add this post. @nuthong captured this aching scene so well in their GIFs. Every time I see this scene, I get all the feels and I shared my love for it in this post:

Continued in part 2:

[wonderr-skyy]

I watched Sonic Prime and it's a really good show!

spoilers under the cut. Go watch it before reading this! It's worth it.

-

I liked how your friends are the villains, it's not something you usually see. Usually the villain is an exterior force / person.

Making your friends betray you hits a lot harder... Because you know them, you're close to them and you have feelings for them.

In addition Sonic is going on an adventure with his friend Nine, and they get tones of bonding moments!

So when he betrays Sonic, you kinda understand why. He's doing it out of pain and loss.

-

And oh my god, the Sonadow is perfect! We get everything! Rivals, flirty, sweet & caring! All you could ever ask for! <3

Like whenever both of them were in danger the other one immediadly worried and cared for each other!

Shadow saving Sonic in small and big ways:

Pushing him out of the way:

Shadow! You would rather risk getting swallowed up by the dangerous pink purple stuff to save Sonic's life!

He also kept telling Sonic how it's so dangerious to stay here but wouldn't leave without him. <3 aww

He cares for him emotionally too when he sees how upset Sonic is about his friends.

Aww, Shadow was gonna comfort Sonic! <3

Also you love to see protective Shadow:

"Nine betrayed you and left us to die. He's gonna pay for it."

Your primary concern is he betrayed Sonic? Why does it bother You so much Shadow? haha, You weren't friends with Nine.

I also like all the other friends too! Each world explored them in different ways, it was really cool!

-

tldr: go watch it, cause it's really well written: good plot, good character interactions. You couldn't ask for more. <3

[jjslvt]

my thoughts on this character. pls tell me someone understands lol (long af like a fanfic. sry 😭 i went on a rant for him bruh)

(TW: topics about drug addiction, mental health issues)

a little scared to post this… ngl lmao

i haven’t seen a post on this yet but i haven’t dug deep into tags at all and am sorta new ish so! others have probs talked about this? i struggle finding stuff. searching is my weak point lol.

anyways — when i watched obx, the character that suffered the most was undoubtedly jj maybank (fight me). and i can write a novel analyzing it (like many of us can). esp since he is the character, i and others can relate to. but this won’t be about him.

there’s another character that suffered also… it was so overlooked and it’s complicated af. because jj is a good person overall and this character… is questionable because he does make serious mistakes. he harms the pogues. he commits crimes that i cannot excuse… but i think he deserves a chance at redemption?

rafe cameron.

something that is highly overlooked is rafe’s childhood neglect and drug addiction. pls hear me out a lil? 🙂‍↕️

i hated him so damn much seasons one thru three. so this is coming from someone who thought would never change the stance on that. rafe and ward drove me up the wall! ask my dad cos i was yelling at the tv stressed af when those two were doing shit. but season four had me start to slowly see something else. that he had some humanity still? the hug between him & sarah actually hit me…

i’m an open minded person. i’m open to rethinking things and i have. it’s not just cos i like drew starkey now. i am becoming a fan of him as well. & yeah, he’s another obx hottie. i get it but i have really thought hard about this.

back to the point, rafe actually needed help.

why is this never thought of?

a child is showing signs… and not a single person did anything. granted, what can i expect from the parents of obx? ward had a favorite which was sarah. obviously (also wheezie? hello? another one to be neglected by everyone?). which starts rafe’s desperate need for validation and approval especially from his father.

that is a very difficult thing to work around. desperation causes for a lot of shit to happen and it does take a toll on you. combined with a child who already had a problem early on… then gets into drugs later in life.

rafe could have been helped early but no shit was given. just ignored the kid’s needs. kids need guidance. what the hell can a ten year old child understand about that? sometimes, i think… what would have happened to rafe if he wasn’t neglected? for some reason, i feel like he would be a good person… i feel like he just never got the chance??

lemme get to drug addiction- & unless you know what a drug addiction is like, don’t talk. don’t judge. don’t even try me because sadly, i can relate to rafe here a little… 🫠 something i didn’t think would happen but fuck, i can. i’ve been through it.

i think drugs amplified whatever mental health issue he might have had since childhood. i feel like it does play a big role in why he did bad things. drugs are no fucking joke… the effects are damaging. it mentally and physically wrecks your body, the more you do. in some cases, many won’t even realize they have an addiction. the tolerance you develop and the way it hooks you is strong. society judges this… i find it sad. we should help people. some people get to a point where they think there is no way out and drugs will help! btw, my experience… my doctor caused it, i didn’t originally seek it. (yeah, got a fucked up past story there when i really got fucked over by people but i won that battle).

next, it is very hard to train your brain… it gets harder the older you get. so child rafe having possible neglected mental health issues going into adulthood? yikes! it’s really not as easy to fix as you might think! i learned from past (forced) therapy, REWIRING YOUR BRAIN is extremely difficult, especially for people like this!!

i feel like… he had cries for help and nobody listened. so, he went down a dark path unfortunately. it was wrong af. i do know that.

when ward left… he started changing, slowly. i noticed that. his father’s influence held a strong hold on him. our parents and how they raise us do shape us in ways.

this is one recent edit that killed me. cos i understand.

i know he’s old enough to know right from wrong, etc. but when your brain is… in a place like this? i just… as fucked as it is, it’s hard. he should have gotten help is all i’m saying overall! and he committed literal crimes, he should get reprimanded, of course i think that! but can he reform? should he be given a chance? honestly, i say yes. if he really means it and put work into… he’s got a lot to make up for and i know what he did (murder) shouldn’t really be forgiven but… idk 😭 would it have happened if he wasn’t neglected, used drugs, etc? that question lingers too much on my mind which makes me think all this…

am i rafe apologist, am i crazy?

[ttjisung]

back 2 u 𝜗𝜚

p. jisung x fem!reader smau - exes to lovers

in which jisung does his best to avoid you, his ex, until he realizes his mistake far too late cw: suggestive themes, bad angst, cheating, swearing

i'm not going back, back, back, back, back

masterlist

previous next

chapter xi. (wc: 2.1k + social media near the end)

Renjun had a plan, and it wasn’t going to be easy. According to his conversation with Dejun, it was crucial to find proof of Jaemin’s misdeeds before informing their mutual friends - yet finding a time alone with said boy’s phone would be near impossible, considering there’d be a large sum of people in his apartment. 

After a while of organizing a scheme during his late night hours, Renjun had settled with mistaking his bag with Jaemin’s, and taking it into the bathroom to quickly shoot a video of his shared messages with Jisung. There were two flaws in this plan: Renjun had no bag that could be nearly mistaken with Jaemin’s incredibly unique and decorated tote, and even if he was able to jump over this hurdle eventually, he was not aware of his password. That being said, Jaemin was extremely predictable when it came to those things, so he assumed it’d be something along the lines of the anniversary of getting his cats. 

Regardless of whether he was ready or not, Renjun was insistent on getting this evidence, feeling insanely guilty for the way he treated you. It didn’t entirely hit him until he saw you at a mall and waved at you, causing you to flinch and frown once you located him, that he realized how much he must’ve hurt you, and he knew he’d have to start working immediately to gain your forgiveness if he was to ever make up for his actions. You two had such a deep bond before the mishap, and he wasn’t willing to forget it so easily as he had before. Using that as encouragement, Renjun was prepared when the sun came and he was setting up snacks. 

Jisung was the first to come, having a lot of spare time since your breakup, considering he was attached to your hip before. After him was Jeno, then Donghyuck, then lastly Jaemin. The rest had informed him earlier on that they’d be unavailable, which served as a breath of relief, because he knew it’d be harder to sneak around with two other nosy individuals watching his every move. 

“I have to use the bathroom, but can you guys continue setting up in the kitchen? Leave your stuff here, I don’t want a mess on the table.” Renjun tried with all his might to appear unsuspicious, and it worked mostly since he had a very neutral tone, yet he missed one flaw in his plan - Donghyuck could not follow directions if his life depended on it. While the rest of the guys headed into the kitchen, Renjun took the green light to grab Jaemin’s bag, and he felt pride swell up at his success until a voice interrupted him. “What are you doing with his bag, Jun?” The voice was inquisitive, noticing how unusual it was for Renjun to confuse his own belongings. 

“Oh, umm.. I just… There’s something I forgot… Umm-” “Don’t lie to me. Fess up.” “Fine, but you have to come into the bathroom with me.” “Are you flirting with me? I never thought this day would come-” Donghyuck’s quirky remark was stopped by Renjun pulling him by the ear. 

“Okay. You have to promise to not blow my cover or snitch about any of this, it’ll ruin everything.” Donghyuck simply nodded, encouraging the older male to continue. “Dejun contacted me…” “That loser? Really?” “New rule. Don’t interrupt either. Anyway, he basically proved Y/n’s innocence to me. I know you’re like dead set on hating her and trust me, I was too, but they genuinely had all the proof necessary.” Donghyuck’s eyes widened at the revelation, almost in a shocked trance as he recalled all of his cruel words, yet Renjun continued. “Someone framed her, and all signs point to Jaemin. I knew from the beginning that he kind of had his eye on her, right? But I never knew it was this bad. Dejun told me he told Y/n that he and Jisung were fighting, which is a lie, and so Dejun told me to record his messages with Jisung to show her proof that he’s lying. After that, I’m allowed to tell you all that Y/n didn’t cheat. They already have a plan to confront Jaemin.” 

The scene in front of Renjun was not one he was expecting - tears ran down Donghyuck’s closed eyes, and he quickly sniffled, raising his hand to wipe his cheeks. “Renjun… It’s… It’s all my fault, shit. He told me! I swear he showed me a photo… But I didn’t know…” “It’s okay, Hyuck. Calm down. What are you talking about?” “Jaemin! He showed me a photo of Y/n supposedly cheating, and I told Jisung, but now that I think about it - it probably wasn’t her, she just had similar hair. Fuck, she’s going to hate me. She probably already does… All I’ve done is tear her down and accuse her online.. Renjun, what do I do?” His desperation was obvious as he kept crying, reaching out to grab his friend’s arms and plead. “Help me distract Jaemin, Hyuck. It’s the best way you can help prove she’s innocent, and once we do this we can all apologize.” Renjun’s words were enough to make Donghyuck calm down and nod, rushing out of the bathroom to do as he was instructed. 

Once he left, Renjun was quick to pull out his own phone, recording Jaemin’s messages with Jisung. Unsurprisingly, his password was his cats’ anniversary. Not even bothering to read them all, he just caught glimpses of the shared words, and it was clear to see Jaemin was lying. The feeling of hope surged in his body, knowing this would definitely be enough to both clear your name and prove to Jisung that you were innocent. The hope was diminished a bit, remembering Dejun’s words - you weren’t looking for Jisung’s forgiveness anymore, and the feelings you felt for him were no longer positive. 

He thought back to the day after the breakup, when he was at Jisung’s apartment and you had left gifts at his doorstep. The fact that you were innocent throughout that exchange, and this could’ve been communicated earlier, as he assumed the letter you left was your attempt at explaining yourself, made his grief grow. Maybe if Jisung had known at that time, you would’ve gladly taken him back, yet it appeared that wasn’t an option anymore. 

Nonetheless, you deserved to be apologized to, and Renjun was planning on helping this occur, so he swiped up until it was undebatable that you were being lied to, and after doing so, he snuck back into the living room, slipping the phone back into Jaemin’s bag and making a grand appearance in the kitchen. 

It was truly hard to not make a scene right then and there, confronting the male, yet he knew it would be much more satisfying for you if you and your friends did so, so he held back, acting like nothing happened.

Throwing a glance at Donghyuck, who appeared to recover from his sobbing moment quickly, he nodded his head as to let him know he had succeeded, and a small grin grew on Donghyuck’s face. The rest of the night went as planned, yet every time either of the two interacted with Jaemin, there was a small disdain. On one side, Jaemin was their best friend and they had grown up together, yet on the other, he clearly didn’t value friendship as he was quick to throw away Jisung’s happiness, alongside yours, for his own selfish motives, so with all the strength Renjun could muster, he continued his plan until the very end. Once the night had ended and the boys had all left, he picked up his phone, navigating to his messages with Dejun and sending the video, in which he strategically clicked on Jaemin’s contact at the last minute, to make sure there was no excuse he could use, such as saying it wasn’t his number and the profile was fake. His part of plan was finally finished, and it was up to Dejun and Yangyang to take over now.

It was around midnight when a knock on your door disturbed your sleep. You had assumed, being as late as it was, that it must be a friend in an emergency, so you gathered yourself before approaching the door, yet as you checked through the peephole, the guest was not who you had expected.

“Donghyuck? What are you doing here?” With no verbal answer, the male quickly approached you and took you by shock by embracing you in a hug. Your eyes widened and you failed to reciprocate the affection, feeling uncomfortable instead of the usual warmth you once experienced with him. After a while of his embrace, he realized you weren’t accepting his hug and stepped back, and the tears came back concerningly quick.

“Y/nie,” he started with the nickname he used to address you by, which brought back several memories, yet the shell you had grown took over once more, refusing to find comfort in what he was saying, “I’m so, so sorry. You have to believe me… I didn’t know.” Putting two and two together, you gathered that he was unconsciously addressing the elephant in the room - he was aware, now, that you hadn’t cheated. 

You should’ve felt angry, honestly. You should’ve kicked him out of your apartment and cussed him out before slamming the door on his face, yet all you could feel was sorrow. Sorrow for how quickly he abandoned your friendship, sorrow for the fact that it took him this long to realize you weren’t capable of cheating, and sorrow for the fact that you couldn’t find it in yourself to forgive him. You weren’t mad at him, you were simply disappointed, and this disappointment prohibited your mind from allowing him back in, so you shook your head at his words, taking a step back into your familiar living room. 

His eyes faltered as he noticed you weren’t accepting what he was saying, and his desperation grew once more as he stepped forward, trying to follow you, yet you stopped him with an arm to his chest. “Donghyuck…” He flinched at the tone in which you said his name, also noticing that you didn’t call him Hyuck as you once did, yet he didn’t believe it was at his liberty to ask you to, so he let you continue. “I don’t know how you found out but… But I don’t want you guys coming over here please. I assume you all know now… and I don’t want to see you. Any of you. Please understand where I’m coming from… I’m not mad, I just… We aren’t friends anymore, you made that clear, so please leave. And tell the others to not come either.” Donghyuck’s tears increased at your words, and a part of you would find this scene humorous - he wasn’t even the one who broke up with you yet he seemed so torn by what you said - had you not been so miserable at the current situation. 

“Y/n, please. I… I get why you don’t want to see us, but we’re all so, so sorry, and we want to make it up to you. I know why you said we aren’t friends - none of us have treated you like one, but we can make it up to you and we will.. Please… Jisung loves you and I know when he finds out, he’s going to feel so horrible, and he’s going to seek you out. If you can’t forgive us, please at least listen to him.” Donghyuck didn’t miss the way you lightly flinched at the mention of your ex, and it was then that you began to cry as well, mirroring him. “No.” Your tone was hushed, almost a whisper as you shook your head, “I tried… I did… He ignored me, he called me a whore Donghyuck! I don’t want to see him please… Don’t tell him the truth, I’d rather he think I cheated. He doesn’t love me, because he doesn’t trust me at all… You get that, right? We were together for years, yet at a mere mention of me being supposedly unfaithful he… he left me… You can’t love someone and not trust them.” Your words were rambled and the tears grew tenfold, “Please go. I have to go to sleep-” “Y/nie, please…” “I have to sleep. Please don’t tell him. Goodnight.” Not letting him continue to plead, you stepped back and closed the door in front of the male, staring at the darkness of your living room in shock for a few minutes, before falling to your knees against the door, and it was only then that you began to sob loudly, hiding your face in your arms. 

The only thought flooding your mind was the pitiful question, repeated over and over again, until you grew tired from crying and eventually fell asleep in the uncomfortable position. Why did it take him this long to understand how much you loved him? You would’ve trusted him… 

a/n: haechan's part lowkey reminded me of my ex so i spiraled into our old messages and cried to sienna gosh its so hard being a lover girl in this world </3 (don't take me seriously this was months ago and i've moved on... mostly...)

this isn't as long as i thought itd be please forgive me guys... i'll be posting the next chapter soon :3 and it will be so ANSGTY! possible jisung y/n reunion (not dating lol i hope no one's hopes are high cause i'm dragging this outttt) but at what cost?

i'm working on a taglist bc one of you beautiful readers helped me tysm!!! so that will be done soon >.< let me know if you want to be on it in the notes or in my inbox <3 i'll add everyone who's asked so far

anyway... i will dedicate this chapter to all the readers who have also been heart broken... i hope we all heal. for now i personally heal by fangirling over nct because they've helped me sm ^_^ so expect a LOT more fics and smaus to come >:3

[osleeplessflowero]

//Content Warnings: Blood, Violence, Drinking//

* Notes: - Gender Neutral Reader - Determination Soul ❤️

~"Knife" To Meet'cha🔪🌹~

The chill in the night air causes you to shiver as you hold your jacket closer to your body in an attempt to keep warm. The cold isn't the only thing giving you chills, however. Your eyes dart around, an uncomfortable feeling unable to be shaken no matter how hard you try to.

You can feel it..eyes on you in the shadows. Someone watching, waiting for the right moment to strike and catch you off guard. But they won't get you..not if you have anything to say about it. You pick up your pace, briefly spotting a silhouette walking behind you. Their speed picks up as well, sending you into a panic. You sprint under the streetlights, hoping you can find a local business that's still open to hide in.

"Running is just gonna make this worse for you!" The figure calls, making you furrow your brows. You take a few turns in an attempt to cut them off, frowning further when you realize you've hit a dead end. Of course this would be your luck.. you reluctantly turn to face the group of three men standing before you.

They're tall, intimidating. People you're all too familiar with around here, people who you've been told to avoid at all costs. And now you're face to face with them.

"We heard you were the one that killed our business partner. Our boss wasn't too happy about that."

"It was in self defense, he attacked me fir-" You're cut off.

"You wanted his money. That's always what it's about." The tall figure in the middle takes a puff from his cigarette. You scrunch up your nose at the smell. "I don't see why we shouldn't get payback for him..a life for a life."

"You wouldn't kill me out here- n-not where people can see you. It's stupid-"

"Call me a fool, but you're dyin' one way or another- I don't give a damn who sees."

Your eyes widen as they begin to close in on you, cornering you. You look around, praying to someone above and asking- no, pleading for a way out of this encounter.

A knife is thrown from above, landing at your feet. You look down at it in shock, trying to see who threw it, but unable to spot anyone amongst the shadows. Not wanting to waste time, you pick up the blade.

Killer has never grown tired of the air of the city hitting his clothes, making them flow as he soars over the rooftops, doing a bit of parkour and showing off as much as he'd like. Of course he has business in this universe, assigned personally by Nightmare to kill a target and spread negativity while he's at it. A typical Tuesday, in his eyes. Nothing too out of the ordinary. A few minutes prior he managed to successfully kill his target, and now was just..well, looking for trouble.

He kneels on the edge of one of the higher buildings of the city, looking for people to kill in order to invoke fear in those around them. There's not a lot of people out due to how late it is, making the chase harder.. He huffs, annoyed that there's nothing fun to do out here. Well, other than be a super cool guy, but that's all the ti-

He spots a group of humans chasing another, raising a browbone in curiosity. Oh? Gang stuff? He wonders what the person being chased could've done in order to piss three people off at the same time. Narrowing his eyesockets, he decides to do a CHECK to see.

Now that's interesting. Seems they've got some blood on their hands.. a pity they're about to die. Or..hmm. What if he just slightly interferes? Purely out of boredom, of course. He can kill somebody else later. Summoning a random knife, he holds up his arm, carefully aiming before throwing the blade down. Call it an experiment. He certainly hasn't done one of those in ages.

You spot the knife when it lands on the ground, picking it up with a Determined expression. Now this'll be fun..

You move one of your legs back, entering a fighting stance. The man in front of you spots your weapon, and upon trying to grab it from your hands, is met with a slash across his chest from you. Your eyes illuminate with a bright shade of red, an indicator that your Soul is ready for battle. It all happens so fast, you don't even realize how quickly and swiftly you're moving.

Charge, dodge, counter, stab.

One of the men cries out when you stab him somewhere fatal, knocking him onto the ground with your foot and finishing him off.

Charge, dodge, counter, slash.

You turn your head rapidly, slashing one of the other men that attempted to sneak up on you from behind. You continue the motion until he is no longer able to stand. Backing up a bit, you look confused as to where the biggest of the three had went-

"hey, heads up!" You hear someone shout from above, jumping out of the way of a massive blow to the head. Thanks, stranger.

Tightening your grip on the knife, you lunge at the man, pushing yourself up on his shoulders and launching into the air. He lets out a gasp of shock as you rise, Killer grinning wide as you fall rapidly down, plunging the knife through his head and sending you both to the ground. Pulling the knife out, you come back to your senses..your eyes returning to their natural hue. You drop the knife instinctively, leaning over and debating throwing up or not.

"not too bad."

You look over immediately, spotting a skeleton monster leaning against one of the closest buildings. He looks over you with a smug grin, a browbone raised. "a little amateur, but pretty good nonetheless."

"..You gonna snitch?" You ask, cautious around this stranger.

"nah. i'm not a snitch." He chuckles. "i'd like my knife back, though. i like keeping track of them, y'know?" He uses magic to bring the blade back to him, cleaning the blood off of it.

"..So it was you? You gave it to me? Why?"

"well, i like to cause a little chaos from time to time..and it seemed like you could use some help, so naturally i had to chime in." He twirls the blade in his hand with ease. "you're welcome, by the way."

You roll your eyes. "Whatever..I need a drink after all that shit."

Killer hums at that. He really doesn't wanna go home right now.. there's such a chill vibe to this city. Maybe he could..stick around just a little more..

"hey, how about i join you?" He suggests, earning a brow raise from you. "two people who know a little more than they should, just getting a drink together..how's that sound, human?"

"...I..guess that's okay. It uh..it can be to thank you for saving my ass back there. What's your name?"

"killer."

You look at his knife. "Well, that's a given, I suppose."

"got me there. so..where to?" He raises his browbones with a smug smile, earning a sigh from you as you turn back to the bloody corpses on the ground.

"Hold up a second. I gotta get rid of these before somebody finds them. All I need is another case on my hands.."

He grins. "allow me to help you with that."

"How?-"

He raises the bodies with magic, leans his arm back, and throws them as far as he possibly can. "tadaaaa."

"They- they can still be found out there-"

"trust me. they aren't reaching those bodies." He grins, holding an arm out for you. "c'mon, stop worrying so much. let's go get some drinks."

"Well..alright, I guess." You take his arm, walking with him to the nearest open bar. Would've been nice to know that was there earlier.

.

.

.

Surprisingly, Killer's..pretty easy to get along with. Even before you started drinking you found the guy to be quite a charmer, for a..well, a Killer. But you can't really say anything. You've become one yourself.

"oh my god, and don't get me started on my boss. he's so strict, like all the time- i just need a break from time to time, y'know?" He takes a sip of a drink he ordered. "like..it's just a lot sometimes."

"Yeah, I get that. They just keep pressuring you and pressuring you to get stuff done..how is anybody supposed to work under that much stress?" You swirl your drink of choice around in a glass. "It just makes your progress slow."

"THANK YOU." He gestures towards you, letting out a laugh. "somebody gets that! i just..don't understand why he doesn't."

"Maybe you should try talking to him about it sometime."

"yeah, that's like jumping into a tank of sharks. no way in hell. but..well, at least i can take breaks on missions from time to time, like this one."

You nod, looking down at the counter beside you. "So..are you going to be coming back to this universe?"

"i usually don't go back to universes i've already been through unless my boss has business." He looks to you, a curious glint to his empty eyesockets. "why? would you miss me?"

You avert your eyes. "No."

"bullshiiit, you're starting to like me. i can see it on your face. c'mon, throw me a bone-"

"Was that a skeleton joke?"

"ugh, i still do it by habit sometimes. ignore that. 'sposed to be the others' thing.." He frowns, earning a laugh from you.

"Well. I guess I would miss you." You look over at him. His browbones raise in surprise, not expecting you to agree. What a pleasant surprise. "You're..interesting company, to say the least."

"aww. wait, what do you mean by-"

"If you came back, well..I wouldn't be opposed to opening the various locks on my front door for you to come hang out." You smirk, causing the skeleton to blink in surprise, before mimicking your expression.

"yeah?" "Yeah."

"well, i uh..i suppose i'll see what i can do. if you don't change your mind by then."

You both continue to converse, before Killer gets a call, frowning as he finally hangs up.

"i've gotta go. but uh..see you around?" He points finger guns in your direction, earning an eye roll from you.

"Sure. Don't fall into the tank when you get back."

He lets out a laugh, giving you a playful nudge before shortcutting away. You revert to a bored expression once he's gone, paying and walking out of the bar, thankfully not too drunk to walk home yourself.

You've killed four men in the span of a week.. you're not quite sure how you feel about that yet. Entering your apartment and greeting a pet, you walk to your room and pass out on your bed, deciding to let the guilt and fear catch up with you when you're fully sober in the morning.

[midnight-mourning]

DCA Promptober Day 28: Time-out

Oh?? Could it be?? Once last round in the fever dream?? It IS!! But how intriguing that content warning is, huh, well, enjoy!

Word count: 1029

Content warning: a good bit of suggestive themes, small mentions of blood, small mentions of injury

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

You'd gotten cocky, as of late. More specifically, you'd gotten really tired of the Attendant berating you for every little thing you do while participating in his arts and crafts projects. Honestly, they weren't even that fun and after having him tear apart every single piece of art you've made-literally and figuratively-you'd decided that enough was enough.

It started out small, little refusals on your part. He wants you to draw a giraffe? You made an elephant. Wants you to make another paper pal with red paint instead of blue? You'd just paint over your mistakes. And if it turned out purple instead? Not your problem. 

These things irritated him, yes, but did little more than that. So, you upped the ante. 

You started just making your own drawings, your own paper pal designs. Knocking things over, tossing them, all the fun stuff. This, this really got to him. A lot. You could tell, despite his best efforts to hide it. 

But still, it wasn't enough, you had to push further, just to see what it would take. See what it would be that fully made him snap. 

You found it, when you made the choice to outright say to him you found this whole thing to be a waste of your time.

Sure, could you not remember currently what wasn't a waste of your time? No. And honestly, it's kind of terrifying. But it didn't matter, you'd gotten what you wanted. 

"That's it!" Sun says, spinning to face you, "I've had enough!"

Just in time, you launch a couple of crayons in his direction, they made a clinking noise as they hit his chassis. 

You pout, "Aw, bummer! And I was just starting to have some real fun."

He stares at you, faceplate clicking to one side. Then, he marches closer and bends down, coming eye to eye with you.

You simper up at him, resting your chin in your hand, "That little trick doesn't work anymore, bud."

"Would you like for it to?"

You pause, only slightly, and smirk, "I almost want to say yes, truthfully."

Another click or two. His eyes narrow. Were they supposed to be able to do that?

"I'm putting you in Time-out." 

"Oh, I'm so scared-hey! What do you think you're doing!?" You scramble as he suddenly picks you up by your armpits and pulls you out of your seat and over the desk.

He spins around, marching away with you, "I meant what I said. If you can't behave, you can learn to. Or else."

"You can't just toss me around like this-I'm an adult!" You kick your legs, flailing in his grip.

He leans in quickly, voice low, "Watch me."

You pause your movements. Then, nostrils flaring, you fight harder to get him to put you down. It doesn't work. What's that feeling of pain shooting up your side though? Like you've damaged it severely in some way.

Instead, Sun shifts his hold on you, and in doing so his hand briefly brushes against your chest, causing you squeak. 

That, gets his attention. 

He halts, glaring down at you as he tilts his head to one side.

He repeats the motion, and you bite your lip to suppress the sound.

"Could you not? That, tickles," You mutter.

Sun sets your down on your feet and you wobble slightly, only to jump back as he bends down to your height, rays spinning. 

He pokes your arm, then your cheek, and then thinks to trail his finger down your neck, causing you to whimper before you grab his hand and shoot him a glare. 

"I said, that's sensitive."

He hums, still examining you, "I noticed." 

"Okay how would you feel if someone just," You reach your hand up and behind his faceplate, fingers tracing down his neck as you watch him freeze, "Did that to you, huh?"

You go to pull away but his hand stops you, circling your wrist and keeping it firmly in its place. 

"I would feel, strange," He guides your hand further up, into the wires at the back of his head, "But not unpleasant."

You feel your face heat up, and look away, not expecting that answer, "Yeah. I guess so."

He moves slightly forward then, just a little more into your space. How is there such a sadness and a longing in his eyes behind that distain and curiosity?

"I'm going to do something. Don't move."

Not sure what to expect, you don't.

Sun pressing his faceplate to your lips was definitely not on the list of possible results from his wording.

And yet, here you are, now being kissed, quiet aggressively, by the bot that's been the bane of your existence for hours? weeks? days? years? seconds? some time now.

For reasons you can't explain, you find yourself kissing back, hand wrapping into his wires, pressing your lips harder into his. 

You have to pull back to catch your breath. Your chest is heaving. Actually, why is your breathing so labored? Why do you feel ready to pass out at any moment? Why do you feel so wrong and so right?

You stare up at Sun, his visage flashes, becoming cooler, faded, gaze worried and concerned. His hand rests on your cheek, stroking it softly. He's saying something, something muffled, apologetic. You feel like you're dying-

You blink and with another flash it's more familiar again, annoyed, but, yearning.

"What happened to time-out?" You chide, using your free hand to wipe across your lips.

He scoffs, tender hold on your cheek faltering, "What makes you think this doesn't count?"

You hesitate, that pain in your side intensifying for a moment as your vision turns staticky, but suddenly it dulls, and you're back in the Daycare. Back in the simulation. Back under control.

"Fair enough," You kiss him again, "Do I get to know how long I'm in trouble for?"

Sun pulls you closer to him, rays spinning once, "Once I think you've learned your lesson, how's that?"

You'd gotten what you wanted. 

Just not what you were expecting.

"Sure, alright."

Maybe you'll be lucky and the bloodloss will end you slower than you thought.

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

Damn y'all can't catch a break huh? I give you fun stuff and all of the sudden you're in a sea of angst. Anywho, find my other promptobers here, and the Spookvember schedule here. Thanks for reading!

[klxudykai]

i live in my imagination

i realized this a few days ago but classic me, I avoided it. but that was until I made the "ugly side of shifting" post. so this is me coming to terms with the fact that I live in my imagination. its been like that for years but it hit way harder when i got into shifting. it was just something I did when I didn't want to be surrounded by the real world. but I realize that its become an unhealthy amount. I don't suffer from maladaptive daydreaming or anything (at least I dont think I do), but that doesn't mean its not affecting me mentally and even socially. I dont have the desire to hang out with my cr friends like that because I'm so used to my imagination. it makes me comfortable because I can made it however I wanted it to be. I can make the people say and do whatever. its part of the reason I don't really talk about my problems to people I'm close with too. they aren't going to tell me the stuff I want to hear or its going to end up being something I've heard already. i recently started saying that I like the way I do things. which is true. I like being in my own space dealing with my issues on my own because no one else would tell me what I need to hear.

and when the thought that it was becoming an unhealthy obsession hit me, I hated it. and I still do. I don't want to give up on something that has made me stable and happy for years, but I know that if I want to shift and also make a real bond with my cr, I have to. so that's why I'm making a post. this is one of those things I cant do alone or keep to myself because again, I like the way I handle things so if it was up to me, I would delete this blog and go back to daydreaming 24/7, but I actually want to shift. I'm hoping that with this post we'll hold each other accountable and remind each other to actually SHIFT instead of daydreaming all the time.

sadly I don't have a lot of ideas of how to minimize day dreaming because everything I do makes me day dream BUT we are cutting all fanfics out those only make our imaginations bigger and cause us to daydream. so DONT. start embracing your CR and do smth like go outside or paint or do a new mf hobby. avoid daydreaming as much as you can

i gave up on a lot of problem solving, but this is one I intend to actually fix. and I would love for y'all to do that with me. if you don't want to that's perfectly fine I wouldn't want anyone to feel forced, but if you know you can then do it. don't say nothing like "oh no I cant do it I give up" because that sets you back further. so please at least try

once again I love y'all so much, pls dm me if you have anything you wanna talk about and if you have anything you wanna ask my asks are open (if y'all can even see them cause on mobile its not showing up for me idk) but yea <33

(yes I double posted shhhh)