#'I have no idea what they're actually saying'

[cavegirlpoems]

one of the most freeing things you can do in ttrpgs is let go of the idea that your player characters should be/are morally good. Once you've accepted that your characters might be bad people or do bad things, the possibility space of what your characters can do opens up wide. Plus, you no longer have to contort your setting into bizarre and problematic shapes to make sure your player characters are always in the right.

a good example of this is combat. The normal approach is:

violence is what our characters will do. therefore we must make it so it is good for them to do violence. therefore their enemies must deserve it. therefore we will create a class of being for them to fight that is inherently evil and deserving of violence.

Which, needless to say, veers into extremely racist territory extremely easily.

Whereas once you no longer need player characters to be in the right, you can instead get:

violence is what our characters will do. killing people is bad, and when our characters kill people they're doing a bad thing.

which is actually a far less fucked up set of ideas to express!

like, okay, a concrete example. Right now, I'm playing in a Vampire the Masquerade game. My character, Molly, follows the Path of the Feral Heart and is in the blurry border between the Anarchs and the Sabbat. What this means in practice is that she's totally abandonned any pretences of being human and instead embraces being a monstrous predator, with no qualms about killing to survive and get what she wants, and who is essentially a Vampire Terrorist who cheerfully murders, sets bombs and massacres humans in order to destabilise the vampire government.

Molly is not a good person. She is, in fact, a terrifying monster! You aren't meant to agree with the things she does and says! And, sure, when she explains her backstory, you can see how she got like this, but that doesn't make it okay, her ending up like this is meant to be itself tragic, because in a better world she wouldn't be like this.

The story becomes more interesting because I can, in fact, play a character who does horrible things and let them be horrible. Playing a sabbat-sympathising path-follower would be entirely meaningless if the game contorted itself so nothing she did was ever actually horrific.

[avelera]

(Arcane Meta) I don't think anyone knew Viktor was the Herald

I've seen some presumptions that if Viktor didn't teleport away with Jayce at the end of 2.09 that he would have been brought up on charges.

And, to be sure, I think if he had been dropped off right where he was with Jayce at the top of the tower, people would have been able to put 2+2 together and figure out it was him, especially if Jayce was unconscious or otherwise unable to intervene to stop this. I also wouldn't put it past Viktor to turn himself in.

So I'm prefacing all of this by saying, for fanfic purposes, I find it completely plausible that Viktor could face consequences if he remained Piltover or he still looked like the Herald of course (I'm sort of going off the idea he wouldn't look like the Herald anymore but if he did, that of course debunks a lot of my points, which assume he's shed that appearance).

However, I think for the same reason we lament that Viktor doesn't get acknowledged as Jayce's partner or the co-founder of Hextech, that very same anonymity would be Viktor's shield when it comes to connecting him to the Herald.

Here's what people know:

1 ) Jayce Talis, Man of Progress, founder of Hextech, and at one point most powerful man in the city, who even months after resigning from his post was able to muster an army and mobilize the forces of Piltover as if it was all under his control, at one point had a scientific partner. (I only make this point about Jayce to also point out what kind of forces Viktor has on his side as far as powerful friends.)

2) Thing is, as far as we can tell, most people outside their lab don't know who Viktor is because he purposefully flees the spotlight. So right off the bat if you start with, "Y'know, Viktor, Jayce Talis's partner, the other Hextech mind??" You're going to get blank looks from someone who wasn't deeply informed on the like, corporate history of the founding of Hextech. So anyone outside the Council, including Mel and Heimerdinger, probably doesn't know who the fuck Viktor is and it's actually a bit doubtful if Salo or Hoskel knew who Viktor was even when they were in the same room with him ffs.

3) A bomb hits the Council Chamber. First of all, no one would necessarily know Viktor was there in the first place since he seemed like a last minute addition, but of those who knew, 3/8 of them are alive between Salo, Jayce, and Mel, and I doubt any of them were advertising his presence in the aftermath. So even if someone DID know about Viktor, they don't necessarily know he was blown up too.

4) If they DID know he was blown up too, they'd probably assume he's dead like most of the people in that room.

5) If they DO know he survived, which is probably limited to very close associates, like Jayce, Mel, and Caitlyn, they're APPARENTLY ok with Jayce just fucking experimenting on his partner to bring him back to life. There's no other next of kin or person with authority to intervene. I imagine since there's a lot of sketchy forbidden science involved, the circle of people who know Jayce is keeping Viktor alive through sketchy means is also by necessity pretty small.

6) Viktor up and leaves, wearing only a blanket, to wander around the undercity until he finds Huck and the Shimmer victims and starts his cult. No one, as far as we know, refers to Viktor as anything except The Herald and know one he encountered there knew him as the co-founder of Hextech, so that's another possible recognition link severed.

7) Literally, the ONE PERSON who could possibly know that Viktor the Hextech Guy and The Herald, leader of a healing cult in the undercity, are the same person is Salo. And Salo gets assimilated and then later squished, so there's no way HE'S talking.

8) At the War Council, which had only Vi, Mel, Caitlyn and Jayce in the room, all people who care for Jayce and who would probably cover for him, only Caitlyn even figured out that Viktor was somehow connected to all of this, and Jayce didn't elaborate. Mel knew that Viktor was a robot or something and that he was in the orb. Of those people, Mel then takes off from Piltover. So for word to get out that Viktor = the Machine Herald it would require Vi or Caitlyn holding enough of a grudge and deciding he deserves retribution.

Again, I'm not saying it's IMPOSSIBLE, it just requires Caitlyn caring more about bringing Viktor to justice than about caring for Jayce, which given she just let JINX go, seems unlikely given where she stands in her arc. Not impossible, but I'd need the fic to confirm for me that Caitlyn is feeling bad about letting one criminal like Jinx go just because they're the most important person of a loved one so she's for some reason decided that she's given out all her free passes and Jayce's special person needs to go down.

Likewise, Vi I can see going either way, that's assuming she's not in a depression pit of apathy after. She COULD decide that the Machine Herald is to blame for her dad getting assimilated and Jinx dying and he needs to go down. She MIGHT even be able to convince Caitlyn too. Then again, Viktor in his right mind tried to help Vander more than almost anyone, and Vi is completely familiar with the possibility that someone can have "fucked up brainwashing" in their head making them act differently than they normally would. So I think it would take Viktor's help turning himself in and Viktor insisting he deserve retribution, for Vi's need for vengeance to overwhelm her understanding of the position Jayce is in and how similar it is to the position she was so recently in with not only Jinx but ALSO Caitlyn being a person she loves who does terrible things possibly while being manipulated.

Basically, I think if Vi's in anything less than a blind rage, she could be talked down.

TL;DR Really, in a theoretical situation where Viktor and Jayce crash-land on top of the tower and have even a moment to come up with a story as to why Viktor is mysteriously there, and assuming Viktor doesn't turn himself in and insist on being punished, I'm pretty sure Viktor and Jayce could easily hide him amongst the chaos as just another victim. No one has a trail of custody as to where Viktor's been or even who he is because of his reclusiveness, no one who isn't close to Jayce knows Viktor was the Herald, and assuming Viktor doesn't look like the Herald anymore, there's pretty much nothing to link him to the Herald if he doesn't confess and insist on punishment.

Fics where Viktor gets punished are still completely plausible for all the reasons listed above BUT I'm just saying, if Viktor was at all disinterested in throwing himself on the mercy of the Piltover courts and letting them punish him, even if he crash landed right in the middle of the city, I'm pretty sure he and Jayce could get out of there with no one the wiser.

[sunderwight]

Shen Qingqiu gets hit by a rare wife plot.

And it actually is a rare one because Airplane didn't even write this one down! He toyed with the idea before ultimately dismissing it as being too controversial for the tastes of his readers, and adapting only a few of the same elements for a subsequent chapter of PIDW.

But apparently the System can pull inspiration even from the author's thoughts, especially when there's nothing to contradict the concept and even a few threads of it still to be found in the original, and somehow Shen Qingqiu runs afoul of this previously-unwritten plot bunny.

The core concept was a cuck scenario, of all things. One of the Luo Binghe's wives gets afflicted by a poison that can only be cured by dual cultivation, but specifically can't be cured by by dual cultivation with anyone who has mastery over demonic qi. Something something conflicting energies, something bullshit something. Peerless Cucumber would have ripped the chapter to shreds if it had actually made it to publication, not just for the insult of implying that Luo Binghe should let one of his wives sleep with someone else, but also because why would Luo Binghe -- able to use both kinds of cultivation -- somehow not be able to keep his demonic energies from influencing the situation just in this one case?

Well it turns out that in his specific case it's because sex gets him too worked up to keep things strictly separate, and the degree of control required to treat the affliction whilst dual cultivating is extensive enough that even a little slip-up would be fatal.

Of course, in the actual chapter of PIDW, this same plot device was altered and used to create a harem orgy where Luo Binghe oversaw several of his wives "treating" one another's "afflictions", but Shen Qingqiu just had to go and get a fatal of dose of the more severe version (he didn't realize the risk, because again, this version didn't even make it into the novel).

Anyway, of course this ends up with Shen Qingqiu trying to figure out another way to cheat death, while Luo Binghe goes through the five stages of grief before accepting that he's just going to have to let someone else fuck his husband. This leads to an argument because of course Shen Qingqiu's not going to cheat on Luo Binghe, and he's especially not going to force one of his martial siblings to sleep with him, come on now, and Luo Binghe trying not to cry tears of blood while bringing himself to explain that a fair few of Shen Qingqiu's sect siblings would be happy volunteers for this task.

Shen Qingqiu's just like, well of course you think that, for some bizarre reason you think everyone wants to sleep with me. Bias is what it is. Really it's flattering Binghe but obviously every other person we know is straight, that's just statistics, and everyone in the entire cultivation world knows that Qi Qingqi would sooner chew glass than have sex with a man!

Luo Binghe, weeping now: Shizun please. This is serious. I need you speak words that make sense in the order you're saying them.

They argue, they reach an impasse, the clock is ticking. So Luo Binghe reluctantly turns to the most reliable source of information (outside of himself) on Manipulating Shen Qingqiu to Do Things That Are in His Own Best Interests -- Shang Qinghua.

At first Shang Qinghua is like, well I'm flattered Junshang but I don't think I could shoulder the baggage of fucking Cucumber-bro for you. But then Luo Binghe is like no I need someone who is way hotter and more capable than you, if Shizun is going to fuck someone else at my behest they're going to be TOP TIER so that when I fuck him better afterwards he's really impressed with me. Liu Qingge, obviously.

Not Yue Qingyuan, Shang Qinghua asks? (He'd take the insult a little more personally but honestly he's just relieved that he's not being asked to navigate this social minefield.)

No, Luo Binghe says. He's not 100% sure he could beat Yue Qingyuan in a fight even to this day, which in his mind also translates to not being 100% sure he could do sex better than him either, so Yue Qingyuan is an emergency last resort. He's way more likely to cry on Shizun too and Shen Qingqiu is into that shit, it's too risky.

Alright, says Shang Qinghua, and he thinks about it, and then he comes up with the beautifully simple solution:

Luo Binghe has to fuck Liu Qingge first.

Because of course the crux of the issue is that even with permission, Shen Qingqiu doesn't want to cheat on Luo Binghe. But in the twisted annals of his mind, Luo Binghe himself is still entitled to a harem, even if Luo Binghe is also happily monogamous in this life. So if he shacks up with Liu Qingge first then Liu Qingge essentially joins Luo Binghe's harem, at which point if Shen Qingqiu sleeps with him it's not an affair, it's the gay version of those fanservice-y 3P scenes that the wives in PIDW did. Shang Qinghua translates the concept as best as he can to Luo Binghe, who -- though slightly dubious -- must accept that so far Shang Qinghua's wisdom hasn't steered him wrong with regards to his shizun's eccentricities.

Luo Binghe's mission: seduce Liu Qingge, or at least convince him to have sex, or possibly to lie and (convincingly!) tell Shen Qingqiu that they had sex. That last one is the longest shot so he's probably going to have to just fuck him (Luo Binghe still underestimates how willing his husband is to believe that just about anyone would have sex with him).

Shang Qinghua's mission: convince Shen Qingqiu that he owes his husband steamy threeway gay sex or something so that this plan he pulled out of his ass doesn't backfire and get him killed.

[suzukiblu]

Day five of February’s second weekly WIP behind the cut; “mistaken identities and interdimensional refugees”. (( chrono || non-chrono ))

Ugh, he is being such a fucking downer right now. In his own head, even, for fuck's sake. Just because, like, he's never really felt like he fit in with Clark's family and feels even less like he does since their stupid fucking reality rebooted and now maybe their stupid fucking reality is dead and might've taken everyone who he remembers ever knowing whether they remember him at all or not with it and now he'll really never, ever get to go home again and–

Kon stops thinking about that shit. Not actually fixing the problem, you realize, Cassie would say. It’s just catastrophizing until you have all the intel, Tim would say. 

We found you once, we'll find you again, Bart would say. 

Or, like, something totally stupid and ridiculous about nothing important so Kon could pretend to be a mentally stable person for just another five minutes. Whichever. 

He doesn't know what he's gonna do if they can't find each other again. If they're not there to be found. Aside from, like, continue to interdimensionally babysit the ten year-old version of a guy who doesn't even particularly care that he's alive, much less that they're both wearing the same house crest. Like–that, yeah. And only that until they find the local Clark, either way. 

Fuck, this is the worst interdimensional bullshit to bullshit since fucking Gemworld. 

Kon doesn’t think about how long it took him to get the fuck off fucking Gemworld. 

( doesn’t wonder if his reality’s Jon is out there somewhere not thinking about how long it took him to get the fuck out of the fucking volcano. )

Jon really does keep up the excited rambling the whole way out of Gotham, which Kon still cannot actually process as being a thing and still has no idea how he feels about. Just–just the way the kid’s looking at him is . . . 

Literally no one has ever looked at him the way this kid is looking at him right now, especially not any version of Jon Kent. 

He just . . . he doesn’t know what the fuck to think about it. 

“We’ll be arriving at the manor shortly, Mr. Kent,” Alfred finally interrupts as a smooth interjection when Jon’s pausing to take a breath and Kon is panicking about whether or not he’s supposed to be saying anything to the kid or what. Kon is very, very fucking grateful for said interruption and leans forward in his seat to peer ahead through the windshield. Not that he didn’t already know where they were, he’s just kinda curious about what may or may not look different in this reality’s version of the neighborhood. Like, he doesn’t know, maybe–

Wait. He does know where they are. And Alfred just said–

“Wait, you’re actually taking us to the manor?” Kon asks incredulously. 

“It would appear so, Mr. Kent,” Alfred says, raising an eyebrow at him in the rearview mirror. “I do recall saying that I was.” 

“Yeah, in front of Rita!” Kon protests. “We didn’t actually think you were gonna take us to the actual manor! What the hell, man?!” 

“Oh is Batman gonna just kill us?” Jon asks, half-covering his face with his hands with a freaked-out expression. “Are we getting killed and chucked off the ledge in the Batcave and like they’ll literally never even find our bodies?” 

“That seems a rather inhospitable welcome, young Mr. Kent,” Alfred replies wryly. “I intended to make tea, personally. Perhaps a late supper, under the circumstances.” 

Yeah, they are definitely never finding their bodies. 

[diodellet]

cw: still not feelin 100% with my writing but here's smth to celebrate valentine's day 🤧💕 unbeta'd and cheesy, established relationship fluff

"jamil, would you call yourself the sentimental type or the practical type?"

"why do you ask?" he doesn't look up from his homework.

you make a noise, something between lightly dismayed and exasperated. "…humor me for a bit, won't you?"

he sighs at your petulance. "you know that anything flashy is an automatic 'no.'"

"i know that already! these are the casual options, so are you feeling sentimental or practical?" you sidle up to him, knocking your shoulder against his. flipping the cover of his textbook shut for added measure.

he meets your expectant gaze. there's a very real temptation to play coy, to see what you'd do without his input. but in the last few seconds, you have - once again - managed to stir his heart with easy sincerity.

which was unforgivable, really.

unforgivable how you chipped away at his carefully-crafted nonchalance, how you could elicit that persistent sense of curiosity with the littlest of gestures, how your consideration for him - his position and all that baggage - only intensified the little surprises you brought him.

there's a dangerous temptation to leave it up to you, but that hypervigilant part of him absolutely refuses - in spite of your many good intentions - to have a surprise going sideways.

"if you're thinking of gifting flowers," jamil starts. "you'll have to do it before classes start for the day."

"i'm saving flowers for another special occasion, so stop dodging my question!" and now you were swiping his textbook before slipping away.

of course, he has to give chase.

all it takes is one graceful - dare i say, serpentine - lunge that sends you both sprawled out onto the floor of his dorm room. while pinned under his weight, your arms are vainly stretched away to keep him from reclaiming his stolen book. "i'm not giving it back until i have an answer!"

this only leaves you vulnerable to attack, his fingertips skirting up against your sides, eliciting a shriek that you try (and fail) to tamp down.

"fine. whatever gift ideas you have - " he makes sure to emphasize the plural in that, because if there's anything he's certain about, it is that you aren't rolling up to this valentines' day without at least one gag gift. " - i will only accept if they're discreet."

"okay! okay! i promise i won't embarrass you - mercy!" he lets up. the risk of accidentally getting bludgeoned by his own textbook is too big to ignore.

he doesn't need one of those grand show-stopping gestures. but there's nothing quite as warming as that sort of reminder, that you found him special.

(come the day of hearts, you pass him a small red pouch. there's a mess of ribbons inside all entangled around… a white tube? he undoes the overly-detailed bow and a laugh of disbelief bubbles up from him as he sees what it is.

a menthol inhaler.

there's a small gift tag attached to the ribbon with a note warning against hay fever. in tinier letters, he can almost make out the actual letter. it's a sappy thing that he finds himself rereading at the end of a tiring day, along with a small stack of notes and letters he stashes in a hidden compartment of his nightside table.

of course you'd find a way to make even a little joke sentimental.)

what he doesn't expect is the ten other little gifts you deliver to him throughout the day. but it's safe to say that this was a good start, right?

tagging: @viperwhispered @crystallizsch @twstgo

@sillystr1ngs @bakedgrape @mama-m1na

(lmk if you wanna join the taglist for jamil writing in the replies!)

[ddlcbrainrot]

monika LOVES valentine's day. its her favourite holiday PERIOD. she finds the idea of dedicating an entire day to express your love to someone super sweet and romantic. she 100% has a valentine's day plan she meticulously planned to be perfect even though she has never had a significant other

sayori is also a sucker for valentine's day, but she doesnt see is as a strictly romantic holiday. she's the type to give out chocolate and gifts to her friends, saying stuff like "today's all about love, and i love you guys, so here you go!!". would the other girls get a bit flustered when she gives them their gifts? yeah probably, they're pathetic like that (affectionate)

yuri pretends to act all mature and is all like "its just another holiday to me personally" but she definitely also romanticises the idea of it. though i can see her getting a bit lonely at the sight of other couples, bc she feels like people barely put up with her, what if she'll never have that?

natsuki does the entire "pft, its just a trick from corporations to make you buy stuff" speech, which she and monika definitely butt heads about. just like yuri, she pretends to not care at all, but is actually a sap. main difference is that she's way more vocal about her "indifference", as if not caring about the holiday makes her more mature somehow. similarly to yuri again, she also gets a bit insecure around this time for the same reason ironically enough

anyway tldr, they are all saps, they end up spending the day with eachother bc none of them have plans and they have fun all day long :)

[crabussy]

a few people have asked for scripts/ideas of how to respond to people who are being unkind! since these situations can be so varied, here's a general structure you could use:

acknowledge their frustration/anger. could be as simple as "ah, that must be frustrating. I can see why you're upset." trying to empathise or sympathise with the way they're feeling is vital. people are much more likely to listen to you and change their opinion if they feel heard! this is important to do first and foremost. it sets up their willingness to listen! if they feel heard, they'll hear YOU out.

attempt to explain the situation. you don't have to over-apologise, just make sure they're aware of possible nuances they may not have considered. "the situation is actually different to what you think, let me explain" or similar. might not always work but helps clear up misunderstandings!

ask them questions about their viewpoint. genuine questions, not rhetorical questions designed to shut them down. even if you don't like the answers, being heard can be huge when it comes to changing someone's mind. this is better in longer discussions! e.g. disagreements with friends and family rather than strangers.

if you have one, an anecdote of a similar situation can be helpful! this helps humanise yourself and it helps the person you're talking to relate to you. "I remember when one of my friends ignored my messages for a few days, I was really worried and angry. it turned out they were busy with exams, but at the time it really stressed me out. I can see why you felt the same way!"

make sure to be firm with your stance. being kind and being a pushover are different! this might take practice.

if you can, avoid saying "but". there can be a big difference between "I understand where you're coming from, but it's different to what you think" and "I understand where you're coming from. I think it's different to what you're imagining, let me explain." sometimes it doesn't matter! however, the word "but" can be a buzzword that makes people think you're brushing them off. not always the case though.

if the misunderstanding is with a peer/friend/coworker etc, ask if there's anything you can do in future to avoid this kind of thing. this shows them that you're thinking beyond this one situation, which shows that you're considerate!

this is a LOT. you don't have to tick every box every time. sometimes all it takes to make someone rethink their unkind words is just one of those examples! sometimes it's a minor infraction with a stranger, sometimes it's a big argument with a close friend. good luck everybody! [:

I'm so serious about being kind above all else. it has genuinely changed the way I interact with the world on a fundamental level and has made me so so much happier.

[bubblegumgothglados]

Hi GLaDOS. Do you have any advice for when a dynamics partner says they're interested in submission, but behaviorally it never seems to pan out that way? My switch says it wants to, y'know, switch with me sometimes. But I can't seem to get a handle on what it actually wants out of submission, and it's not exactly great at introspection or communicating its wants beyond it "want[s] to let [me] do the things [I] want to Dom for." I'm kind of at a loss. Discussions end up being frustrating and circular, even when I try to offer up specific scenarios. Any advice is appreciated. Hope all's well for you!

Yikes

Ok

My advice is stop asking and just treat it like a submissive

Grab it by the hair, push it against a wall, kiss it like you want to devour it, push it it it's knees, and press it's face against your crutch

If it looks up at you with big eyes, a mixture of fear and excitement on it's face, then keep going. Don't do anything that would require pre-negotiation, don't hit it or degrade it or anything else, just have ostensibly vanilla sex but make it clear you're in control. (OK there are plenty of other ways it could look that would indicate that you should continue but I'm a writer first)

Really really often dom leaning switches have a bad relationship with their own submission. They tend to be forced into the dominant role constantly and their submissive side gets ignored. They often have experiences where someone will agree to dom them but treat it like a chore, or like something the switch owes them for doing. So often dom leaning switches need to be "forced" into the submissive role, they need you to show them you actually want to dominate them, they want you to fight and they do want to loose but not until they're sure. I don't know if that's what's going on with your play partner but I'd bet good money on it.

If instead it gets offended or upset that you're treating it like a submissive then, well I'm not really sure, honestly it seems like it's not really submissive and has some misplaced ideas about equality? At this point I think I'd say something like "if you're interested is submitting to me then show me an act of submission" and then leave it to make the next move

I hope this helps. Thank you for coming to me for advice and trusting me this way

[thezombieprostitute]

Nurse Heartthrob

Summary: Your son is in the hospital and his nurse makes sure to take care of him and you.

Warnings: Ex-boyfriend angst, Hospital setting, Sick child. Please let me know if I missed any!

A/N: Reader is female. No other physical descriptors used.

Word Count: ~2.5k

As always, many thanks to @bigtreefest for her help with the medical stuff!

It's a phone call no parent ever wants to get. Your son, Val, had passed out on the playground and they were rushing him to the hospital. You let your boss know what was happening and drove out to the emergency room where the school said they'd sent him. Dr. Rogers was very reassuring about everything but insisted Val get admitted to pediatrics.

Given your son's medical history you were quick to agree. Val had been diagnosed with Long QT Syndrome just a few months after he was born. That was, apparently, the final straw for your ex-boyfriend, claiming he couldn't handle the responsibility of taking care of a sick child. Never mind that having a kid was his idea to begin with. Never mind that you'd already been doing most of the work. He left the two of you and, last you'd heard, he'd been hitting up younger women at the same bar where he'd met you.

For now, though, you had to focus on your son. The pediatrics nurse, Jake, was incredible. He had Val smiling and feeling at ease in minutes while also putting you at ease with his competency. Watching your baby getting IVs, shots, blood draws never got easier but, thankfully, Jake was proficient and you know Val's not hurting more needed. The doctor comes in, asking the usual questions. You always keep a folder of Val's medical history, always updating it with each appointment.

She looks over everything and finally says, "I agree Val should stay in the hospital for a bit but we don't have room in pediatrics. Thankfully there are a few open beds in cardiology and that'll make it easier to get Val the tests he needs."

You nod in understanding and the doctor gives Jake the go-ahead.

As he starts prepping the bed to move you ask, "how long do you think until someone takes us to cardiology?"

"I'm taking you now," he smiles.

"Aren't..aren't there designated nurses? Techs? Who move the beds between departments?"

"Normally, yes," Jake nods. "But my wife works in cardiology so they let me escort patients there so I can get a few minutes with her."

"That's sweet," Val pipes up. His voice is tired, weak, and it breaks your heart.

"It really is," you agree. You stuff down the jealousy you feel. It's clear Jake loves his wife and you really wish you had that for yourself.

Jake makes conversation easy throughout the walk. Val tells him about his latest Lego creation and he gets almost cartoonishly animated, making you and Val smile.

You know you've reached the cardiology wing when Jake stands up and waves, "Dr. Wifey! Over here!"

One of the doctors stops what she's doing, her face beaming with happiness, and walks over.

Following her is one of the biggest nurses you've ever seen. He's got a buzz cut, a slight beard, and eyes that look like a clear blue sky in winter. But his build, the tattoo covered arms especially, is making your own heart flutter.

"Dr. Wifey" introduces herself to you with her actual name, though you're certain you'll always think of her as "Dr. Wifey." She asks the nurse, Curtis, to take over pushing the bed so Jake can get back to pediatrics. While she looks at Jake affectionately, get actions and tone are professional, for which you're grateful. As cute as they are together, you can only stomach so much sweetness. Less so during times like this.

You get the impression that Curtis feels the same with how he rolls his eyes a little. He smiles at you and Val, introducing himself before taking over moving the bed. He and Jake banter a little and you're not sure if they're actually friends, if they're trying to make things easier for you and Val, or both. You hope it's both.

"Okay, Jake, we've gotta get Val to his room and you gotta get back to work," Dr. Wifey says with a kiss.

"Later, Nurse Puppy," Curtis waves as he starts moving the bed.

"See ya, Nurse Heartthrob," Jake returns as he starts walking back.

While Val is giggling at the banter you see Curtis turn pink, making you not ask about the nickname. Truth be told, the way your own heart reacted to him, you're pretty sure you already know the source.

Along the way Dr. Wifey is looking over Val's chart and praising your detailed, organized folder. Her questions are so much more relevant than some of Val's other appointments. You don't have to repeat information and her follow up questions show she's actually listening. It's a nice change of pace from the doctors who never seem to believe anything you tell them.

She asks some questions directly to Val about what he was doing right before he passed out. He shakes his head and says he was just sitting around at recess. You sense there's something he's not saying and encourage him to tell the whole truth, that he's safe.

"How about we start you off with a nap?" Dr. Wifey suggests. "You've had a long, scary day and could probably use the rest."

"Yes, please," Val pouts.

"Okay," you nod. "You get some rest and I'll run home and get our hospital bags, okay? The ones with Legos?"

"Thanks, Mom," Val smiles. You smile back and say a quick goodbye before heading out.

As soon as you're out of hearing range, Curtis turns to Val, "so what were you really doing? Get into a fight with some of the other kids or something?"

Val hesitates and Dr. Wifey adds, "patient doctor confidentiality, Val. Anything you tell me is just between us."

"I tried playing kickball," he confesses. "I know I'm not supposed to. That I have be careful with my heart. But it looked like fun!"

Curtis feels his heart wrench at that. He just wants to be a kid, but because of some inherited disorder, he can't even run around.

"Why didn't you want to say anything in front of your mother?" Dr. Wifey follows up.

"Because I don't want her to get upset."

"Upset?" Curtis raises an eyebrow, immediately on guard for something horrible.

"She cries so much," Val tells whispers. "Sometimes, when she thinks I'm asleep, I'll hear her crying about wishing she could give me a normal life. I don't want her crying because I tried to play."

Curtis fights to keep himself under control. If the kickball comment wrenched his heart, this was a punch to the gut.

"She sounds like a good mom," Dr. Wifey chimes in. Curtis recognizes the emotion in her voice. Val only nods in response.

"She said the hospital bag included Legos?" Curtis chimes in.

"Yeah," Val smiles softly. "They're fun and...and normal. They help me play while not hurting my heart."

"They're definitely fun," Curtis agrees. "When you get them, can I play with them a little? I could use the diversion during my shift."

Val's smile widens, "yeah. That sounds good."

As you park in the hospital parking lot for the second time that day, you take a minute to steady yourself. You know the nap suggestion was a ploy so they could ask Val questions without having you answer for him. Normally they wait until they start doing tests but Val probably could use the rest. Maybe it was so the doctor could get some more time to look over Val's history and not duplicate any needless tests. You only hope Val finally told them something so they can take care of him properly. It's killing you that Val thinks he needs to keep secrets from you, but you suppose it's part of what happens as kids get older.

You'd been so distracted on your way last time you'd forgotten to make note of the directions to Val's bed, so you stopped at the Nurses' Station.

"Oh, Val's your kid!" Teresa, the nurse, comments. "He's such a sweetie!"

"Thank you," you smile.

"He and Nurse Heartthrob have become fast friends, too."

"Nurse Heartthrob?" Though you'd heard the nickname before, you thought it was between Curtis and Jake.

"We call him that because his appearance always makes the patients' heart rates spike," she chuckles. "He's quite the looker. Have you seen those arms?"

"I have," you half smile. "Trying not to, though. Guy that looks like him has to have a partner or something already."

She sighs, "I know. As far as we can tell he's single, but no one knows for certain. He just says he doesn't date coworkers which, honestly, don't blame him. A few girls were tempted to switch to other parts of the hospital."

That makes you chuckle. "It's nice to know I'm not the only one who's got trouble getting a date with a hottie."

"As much as I'm enjoying the compliments," Curtis's voice interrupts you, "how about I lead you to Val's room?"

Teresa's eyes widen almost as much as yours. You cough from surprise, your face heated with embarrassment. Who knew such a large man could move so quietly? Or maybe you're just that tired.

When you get your bearings you turn to Curtis, "yes, please. Thank you." When you're far enough away from the Nurses' Station you apologize. "I'm sorry about that conversation. I...should have been more respectful."

Curtis shakes his head, "not the first time I've heard something like it. Probably won't be the last."

"Still, I feel like I should be past the whole high school thing."

"Lotta people should be but aren't. You get used to it, especially in a hospital."

"I suppose people who work your kind of job do need whatever outlets they can get."

Curtis nods. "For a lot of nurses it's the gossip, the trash tv. Other times it's meditation or yoga. Stuff you don't have to think about. Lets you keep your mental energy for the patients."

"Can I ask what your outlet is?"

"Only if I can ask you a question about you and Val."

"Sure."

Curtis stops walking and leans in, conspiratorially. "My outlet is junk food. It means I have to spend a ton of time in the gym, but I'm addicted to those thousand-plus-calorie snacks and fast food. It's food I don't have to cook, don't have to worry about clean up, and it gives me the energy I need for the day."

"I can relate," you nod, smiling. "With Val's health we always have to be careful with what we eat but sometimes I'll treat myself to something on my way to work."

Curtis smiles and you feel your heart speed up. "I'm glad you treat yourself from time to time. From what Val's told us, you work really hard to take care of him."

Your smile drops, "he's my world. Such a good kid who never asked for any of this."

"But that also leads me to my question, what's the story behind Val's...Y chromosome contributor?"

"I gotta remember that one," you snort. "Last I heard, the contributor is at a bar he's way too old for hitting on women who are way too young. He swore up and down that having a kid would be great for us, that it was his life's dream to have a child. Then, when Val was diagnosed, he bailed saying he couldn't handle the pressure or something."

"Well that's bullshit," Curtis scoffs. "How much did you tell Val?"

"I told Val his 'dad' is a liar who doesn't deserve us. That he lied about being faithful to the two of us. It's enough of the truth without Val needing to worry about his health being the reason he doesn't have a dad like so many other kids."

"Your secret is safe with me," Curtis says in such a way that you believe him.

"Thank you."

"By the way, you have two hospital bags for Val? Is one of them just for his toys or something?"

"One of them is for me," you explain. "I still need to work, but I can spend all my non-work time here with him. Got myself some toiletries, a phone charger for my books, a couple changes of clothing, all that."

Curtis just nods, silently wishing more patients had someone willing to stick around for them.

When you get to Val's bed he's sleeping soundly. You're careful to get things settled so that you don't wake him. You put his latest Lego creation on the patient table so he can see it when he wakes up. You called his school while you were getting the bags and they promised to have materials for you so you can keep up his lessons.

Throughout the week, every time Curtis arrives to work, he makes sure to get you a coffee. He says it's the free stuff from the break room. You have no idea he's buying you the better stuff from the cafe and pouring it into one of the generic cups from the coffee dispenser. Some of his coworkers give him questioning looks but he pretends he doesn't see; he's not entirely sure why he's doing it either.

Sometimes when you get to the hospital after work, you'll catch Curtis and Val playing with his Legos. It warms your heart to see Val smile and laugh so much. Even when he sleeps, he's smiling. It makes you wonder if you should try getting back into dating, giving Val someone else who cares for him. Giving yourself someone who cares for you. You're not sure anyone could compare to Curtis, but that's not really a fair comparison to begin with. It's his job to be caring and supporting. To check in on you and Val. Besides, someone like him can do much better than a single mother with a sick kid.

The morning before Val gets released to go home, you go for a drive to the nearest McDonald's and order some of the worst sounding foods you see.

Back at the hospital, you spot Curtis and hand him the bag. "Just a small thank you for taking care of me and Val so much."

Curtis feels his mouth watering at the smell of the food. It's such a big bag, too! He smiles, "any time. And, uh, if it's not too forward, can I give you my number? In case you or Val need some help?"

Your eyes soften and Curtis feels his heart lurch, worried he overstepped. "I can't ask that of you, Curtis. You have such a taxing job already. You don't need to work outside of the hospital, too."

"I wouldn't consider it work," he tells you. "I'd consider it...getting to know someone better? Someone I'm...I'm interested in getting to know better?"

"Oh? Oh!" you exclaim as your eyes widen. "You...you really mean that?"

His eyes soften as he smiles. "Yeah, I mean it."

"Thank you, Curtis. I'm looking forward to calling you."

Tagging:

@alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @irishhappiness; @kmc1989; @lokislady82; @ronearoundblindly; @thiquefunlover63

[and-the-times-we-had]

Fully agree with the original assessment that Feanor and his decisions haunt the narrative in a significant way, but sometimes I think that this idea is overstated. He is important, no doubt, but I wouldn't call him a protagonist. He's also not the only character to make life altering decisions that affect others long after (truly Finwe could be argued to be unparalleled on this front). Honestly, I'm not sure that there is a character in the Silmarillion that can truly be said to be the protagonist (no, I don't think Fingolfin and his line are protagonists either) because it is simply not that kind of story on the whole. Individual parts of it have their protagonists (Beren & Luthien and Turin come to mind), but no character or even group of characters jumps out at me as the overall protagonists in this book. And given that it is supposed to be a history/mythology, that seems only right. History isn't made of protagonists, and no one is the main character even if they do a lot of important things. They're just individual actors in the long and winding path that the story takes, which is why it can and does continue on without them.

All that being said, I'd like to address some of the points made in the above reply to the original post.

I think that the idea that "everything of importance done by the Noldor in the actual war against Morgoth is done by the children and grandchildren of Indis" is not exactly accurate to the text. Sure, Fingolfin and his children and Finarfin and his children are very important in the fight against Morgoth, but it is untrue to say that they did everything of importance (with the evident implication being that the Feanorians did nothing of importance). I'm also unclear about what your definition of "the actual war against Morgoth" refers to specifically (i.e. which battles qualify).

I would disagree that Feanor dies pointlessly (or that it is embarrassing, tbh); he thinks (incorrectly, due to ignorance about Morgoth's forces in Angband itself and his overzealous wrath) that he has a chance to take down Morgoth then and there based on the fact that he and his forces have just spent the last 10 days reducing Morgoth's forces to "no more than a handful of leaves". This doesn't really seem that ridiculous to me from his perspective. He's mortally wounded fighting a host of orcs and several Balrogs (including Gothmog!) all on his own. That hardly seems pointless or embarrassing, in my opinion.

I'd also argue that while Fingolfin's duel with Morgoth is dramatic and heroic, it's not really climactic either. Despite him managing to injure Morgoth, Fingolfin doesn't really accomplish that much more than Feanor does against Morgoth in the grand scheme (though his death isn't pointless either). The Quenta Silmarillion goes on for 100 more pages after said duel, and even the "Of the Ruin of Beleriand" chapter itself goes on for several more pages detailing how Morgoth's forces continue to gain control over areas of Beleriand after Fingolfin's death.

Honestly, I think that both of their deaths are tragic (which yeah, they are both under the Doom, that seems like how it should go) and I have a lot more to say about some of the similar language that is used to describe them both in the course of these battles but that feels like a separate post. For the purposes of this post, I'll just say that both Feanor and Fingolfin are great examples of powerful figures who are just as vulnerable to the march of time and history as any other character.

Moving on, I do think it would have been significantly more difficult if not downright impossible for Nargothrond and Gondolin to come into being and exist long enough in peace and safety for Beren and Tuor to arrive and set those events in motion if the Sons of Feanor had not had/been a part of major victories earlier on in the story. And they are a big part of several key early victories. The text says that the Battle-under-Stars was "renowned in song" and that the Noldor were "outnumbered and taken at unawares" but that they "were yet swiftly victorious". That "the orcs fled before them, and they were driven forth from Mithrim with great slaughter, and hunted over the Mountains of Shadow". They were so effective that the orcs who were attacking Cirdan and the Falas had to come up as relief only to be swiftly taken out by Celegorm and his host. I will once again mention the "handful of leaves" thing. Morgoth is said in the text to be "dismayed" by the outcome of the battle. Feanor's death, while influential, is basically the only negative outcome of this battle for the Noldor. And I don't think it's out of line to postulate that a least a small part of the reason Fingolfin and his people are able to essentially walk off the Helcaraxe and into Mithrim unopposed (in the Silmarillion version, not the Shibboleth version) is because of the success of this early battle (the other major part being the rising of the Sun causing what remains of Morgoth's servants to flee into Angband). Also, the fact that the Feanorian host inadvertently helped to relieve Cirdan has wide ranging positive consequences considering the role he plays in later events, even if it wasn't their intended goal.

Fingon saving Maedhros absolutely does help the Feanorians since it helps the Noldor  as a whole end their strife and unite, but I don't think it's because Maedhros is only one with "a demonstrable ability to negotiate". It's possible that Maedhros is just the only one who is actually able to transfer the crown. None of his brothers are canonically the King while he still lives as Morgoth's captive. The Feanorians also don't seem to be actively antagonistic to Fingolfin's host just prior to the rescue. The text has them moving to the south of Lake Mithrim of their own volition to avoid strife and says that "many of Feanor's people indeed repented of the burning at Losgar, and were filled with amazement at the valour that had brought the friends whom they had abandoned over the Ice of the North; and they would have welcomed them, but they dared not, for shame". It is Fingolfin's host that felt (understandably) grieved and angered when they arrived and faced the Feanorian host ("no love was there in the hearts of those that followed Fingolfin for the House of Feanor, for the agony of those that endured the crossing of the Ice had been great, and Fingolfin held the sons the accomplices of their father. Then there was peril of strife between the hosts.")

I also disagree that the Feanorians become secondary to the story after the abdication. They are dispossesed of the Kingship and the Silmarils, not of narrative importance, and they actually do quite a bit between the time of the abdication and the Nirnaeth. Just after the abdication, for example, the Noldor (including the Feanorians) are said to be united and it is said that they had "set a watch upon the borders of Dor Daedeloth, and Angband was beleaguered from west, and south, and east; and they sent forth messengers far and wide to explore the countries of Beleriand, and to treat with the people that dwelt there". Maedhros is said to be willing to take the chance that "the chief peril of assault should fall upon himself" by placing himself at Himring and he is said to remain in friendship with the houses of Fingolfin and Finarfin including when he and Maglor attend the Mereth Aderthad.

I would say, though, that the most clear example of the fact that the Feanorians do play an important role in the fight against Morgoth is the role they play in the Dagor Aglareb and the Siege of Angband. The text says that "Fingolfin and Maedhros were not sleeping, and while others sought out the scattered bands of Orcs that strayed in Beleriand and did great evil they came upon the main host from either side as it was assaulting Dorthonion; and they defeated the servants of Morgoth, and pursuing them across Ard-galan destroyed them utterly, to the least and last, within sight of Angband's gates". Then the text says that "the princes took heed of it, and thereafter drew closer their leaguer, and strengthened and ordered their watch, setting the Siege of Angband". It is the Siege that truly allows the kingdoms of the Noldor to flourish in safety and peace and the Feanorians are very much contributing to that Siege by holding the line on the entire Northeastern part of Beleriand. In fact, the two times that Morgoth does attempt an attack on the Noldor during the Siege, he aims those attacks at Hithlum. He doesn't do this because he thinks that Fingolfin is a bigger or more important threat but because Maedhros's constant vigilance makes Fingolfin and Hithlum the easier target.

I do agree that Morgoth regards the Oath of Feanor as being useful for his purposes in the time period post Nirnaeth. Anyone involved with the Silmaril or the Oath at that time does a fantastic job of playing into Morgoth's desires for division among the Eldar.

To return to my initial point, I think the fandom tends to center certain characters (Feanor in particular) more in its discussions of the text than the text itself might do. I hope that everything I laid out here goes to show how multiple characters can contribute to the flow of events without any of them being the protagonist specifically.

It never ceases to amuse me that Feanor’s narrative arc ends like THAT.

like this guy is built up to be a genius in 2384739847 different ways, charismatic as fuck, insanely spiritually powerful, made the magical artifacts the book is named after, he’s got Sexy Protagonist Energy for days, you’re only like a few chapters into the actual story of the Silmarillion, so you’re like “yeah, alright, this guy’s our guy, i can’t wait to see what crazy shit he gets up to in Middle-earth, what kind of character development he has–”

and then he gets to Beleriand, tries to fight Satan, and IMMEDIATELY dies. like. Battle #1. he beefs it. literally spontaneously combusts.

AND YOU STILL HAVE MOST OF THE REST OF THE BOOK LEFT. absolutely ICONIC of tolkien to kill his main character in the first third of the story, and then despite elves being able to return from the dead, he literally never does, not even post-canon. NO ONE ELSE CAN PULL THAT OFF. this is SUCH a power move.

….on a more serious note, Feanor’s decisions and motivations leave a huge impact on every other character, almost every other plot point in the entire story can be traced back to what he did, and killing him off not only increases his narrative importance to those he left behind but also makes it impossible for any character to actually confront him or reconcile with him. he’s a ghost throughout the whole rest of the story, but he’s haunting everyone in myriad ways, through the Oath, through the Silmarils, through his sons, through the repercussions of the First Kinslaying, through the unrest of the Noldor and the rebellion against the Valar, through everything.

So like. Feanor might die as soon as he sets foot in Beleriand, which is hilarious from a narrative standpoint - but only at first glance. Because he’s still there for the rest of the story. You can’t escape him, no matter how hard you try.

[arsquare]

Happy Valentine's Day!

This is my Heishin Exchange piece (event hosted by @heishinvalentineexchange2025) for oreganocactus on Ao3! The prompt I used was: "heishin yuri would be awesome…i love explorations of how gender would affect how characters behave/change so that would be cool :)"

Thoughts and process under the cut!

And also an NSFW sketch at the very bottom btw. as a treat for clicking on the readmore

So originally I had wanted to do a comic retelling the Murdered Diplomat Case Except They're Both Girls This Time AKA Heiji's debut case, but I got about 8 pages into the storyboards before I realized it would be impossible within the exchange's time frame. The Murdered Diplomat case is really really long, even if I cut everything about the case out LMAO... here's what I had if anyone is curious!

It was already sprawling by my standards here. We're on page 8 and Heiji has nary shown her face in the Mouri Detective Agency (also boy Kazuha is there? The part with the details of the case was supposed to be sort of timelapsed through a bunch of texts Kazuha sent Heiji because he was worried about where she was) So in my desperation I tried redoing it from page 7 to be more concise:

This was the point where I was officially like yeah this is not happening this is going to take one william pages at this rate and I just am not going to have the time to do that!! So I scrapped it and started working on the final product you see up there.

(BTW IT'S REAL!! about 80-90% of the comic actually exists in the real world!! I actually drew and inked it physically this time!)

I had really WANTED to retell the Murdered Diplomat Case because I would have been able to totally recontextualize Heiji and Shinichi's relationship, because I do think it would have been kind of different.

For one, I think Heiji's adoration of Shinichi would have had a more desperate quality to it. Between the two of them, Shinichi is definitely the more self-assured one of the two. With her laissez-faire parents who just does whatever they want, I'm sure they would have been fine with letting Shinichi pursue her detective dreams (though I'm sure Yukiko's even more sad about Shinichi not being a child actress </3 whatever though who cares about that), and so she's more confident that it's something she can be.

Heiji on the other hand comes from a more traditional family. I think her parents would highly disapprove of her detective pursuits, and as a result she becomes a more rebellious child-- but one who harbors a deep insecurity about whether she's doing the right thing or not, even if she knows she wants it.

When Shinichi vanishes off the radar, it's more than just a person that Heiji's developed an intense parasocial relationship with going off the grid, it's an entire nail in the coffin of the idea that being a female high school detective is something that's possible at all. That's why she's so desperate to find Shinichi-- she needs assurance that this hiatus that Shinichi is taking is not because society or the world put her into her place and made her quit doing this, but because of... something else. It has to be something else.

This I think would really bleed into how Heiji ends up treating Conan. In canon Heiji's super dismissive of Conan, initially only treating his as a nuisance on the crime scene before he figures out that he's Shinichi, despite the fact he no doubt was in those shoes a decade ago. But because of the continual pushback from her parents, the officers on the scene, and friends (cough boy kazuha), the struggle of being treated like she isn't supposed to be there on the crime scene is much fresher in her mind. She sees herself in Conan much more than he does in canon.

So I guess all I'm saying is that I think Heiji would have been nicer to Conan in my retelling LOLLL

As for what's going on in the comic I actually posted... well, you know, this wasn't my first choice precisely because I don't think it's necessarily gendered as much? Like, I can see this playing out if they were both still guys as well, maybe even more. After all, girls in general are more able to be physically affectionate with each other while suffering fewer consequences.

At the same time though I think Shinichi has an intense "not like other girls" thing going on. This whole thing is actually a subset of my genderbend universe where the whole teenage cast gets swapped and actually it was originally me just wanting girl Shinichi to comfort boy Ran (but badly because she's lowkey kinda autistic and not great at that...) as his parents got divorced LMAOOO. But anyways it would mean that Shinichi's closest friends are... Sonoko and Ran? Who are both guys...

So I think she would intentionally distance herself from that physical affection girls are able to have. She feels like if she indulges in that, then everyone else will take her less seriously and think "oh she's just a girl after all" and all the negative connotations of not being as capable or as smart as she actually is. In my head, she associates physical affection with being manhandled as a kid.

Another thing I kind of waffled on was... what should Heiji and Shinichi call each other? And maybe it's a bit of a weird choice for them to still refer to each other by last name but like. Hear me out.

I think to refer to each other by their last names is a token of respect, especially from Heiji to Shinichi. He keeps slipping up in canon and accidentally calling him Kudo, and while I do agree that part of it is him being careless and possibly inconsiderate to some degree, I also think... he really wants to call him Kudo? Like, this is someone he deeply respects. He wants to be professional equals to him more than he wants to be friends at the start, but never was able to actually GET that kind of relationship due to contrived circumstances of Shinichi getting shrunk. He can't call Conan "Edogawa", that's weird as fuck, so he has to wait until Conan's back to being Shinichi to even begin calling him "Kudo" for real. I think he'd really relish it, as a long-time-coming kind of thing, and I don't think it's any different as girls. In fact I'd argue it's even more intense because of that.

These two characters are both in such an intense hurry to grow up. Hell, Shinichi even dislikes it in canon when his mother calls him Shin-chan, and I think it's because he feels like this diminishes his self-perception as a "grown person". All the more since they're girls: I think this type of affectionate, diminutive name-calling would have been used against them to try to coax them away from crime scenes they wanted to be at. Like, "Oh, come on~ You're just a little girl, you shouldn't be here, Hei-chan~", something like that.

I think this is sort of an implicitly understood undercurrent that lies between them. If we have nobody else in the world who respects us we at least have each other. So when Heiji tries to push their relationship a bit, tries to become more than just friends, Shinichi sees this as a betrayal in some ways. Even if she rationally knows that Heiji isn't trying to belittle her, she can't help but conflate her recent experiences as a little girl again with how Heiji treats her now in the comic.

This whole thing could have been avoided if Heiji was more straightforward about her intentions btw but of course see above careless and possibly inconsiderate PLUS he's also kind of a tsundere character like everyone in detco when it comes to the person he likes so. inevitable... </3

Anyways thank you for reading all of this nonsense. Originally this comic was going to be longer and like, (this is a grossly incompetent summary,) they'd have a yuri makeout session in the Kudo Mansion Study. But we can't have good things in this world because there's not enough time so I only have this to show for :(((

I hope everyone likes it 👍️

[caprisunr]

I don't want to get stoned too early on, but when Oliver said: "I was actually surprised by the extend to which it's going to be explored." The first thing that came to my mind was that Buddie's story is going to take more episodes to wrap up than we've seen with the previous couples. Specially when it comes to them getting together. And this, in my opinion is determined by Eddie's situation. —Eddie fixing things with Chris, on top of fixing things with his parents, on top of fixing things with himself (and coming face to face with his sexuality.)

At the beggining of the week, I was playing with how the episodes would play out guessing from what we have:

8x09 — Ends with Maddie being kidnapped.

8x10 — Ends with Eddie leaving. (Possibility of Buck figuring out how he feels about him but not saying anything very high. Maybe we get Buck being in denial a little bit.)

8x11 — Time jump will be marked by how long Eddie has been in Texas. Starts with Eddie in El Paso (Texas.) This would be the episode that is centric on Eddie, some sort of 'Eddie Begins Again' like we had with Bobby. Where it ends with a realitzation.

8x12 — Mostly will be emergencies that we are used to, which can lean into more of a humorous tone at the beggining, but turn more somber as we advance since Eddie will still be back in Texas and Buck will continue to spiral. This episode I think will be very important when it comes to Buck's own realitzation.

There could be an accident, or a scare. Something that happens to Buck, or to the person who is taking Eddie's place until he's back. Which for them is uncertain.

I played with the idea that it would be interesting to have Buck talk to Maddie about how each other has been since the events on 8x09-8x10, and that be when Maddie somewhat spells it out for Buck that he's always been in love with Eddie.

By the end of this episode, we would have Eddie showing up unannounced with Chris.

8x13 — They go back to Eddie, sowing either a flashback or he himself explaining what happened. And Buck acting out, creating some tension between them. The emergencies will continue, same with other character's storyline.

By the end of this episode we get a heavy insinuated Buddie but no officialization. Some sort of truce that we can read between the lines where they're taking the story.

8x14 - 8x15 — More unserious emergencies, hopefully a bottle episode, Buddie being more on the background but still being somewhat insinuated by other characters or the procession of the story in itself.

We don't know for sure if Eddie is going to sell the house. But it'd be interesting if he did because they could explore Eddie going through similar process of looking for a home in L. A as this new version that now thinks of himself when making decisions.

8x16 — Eddie realises his feelings for Buck.

8x17-8x18 — They play with the idea of Buddie, and either officiate them by putting them in some sort of situation or leave it up for interpretation until season 9.

With this being said, though. And me thinking that we aren't getting established buddie until at least 8x16, if it is officiated in this season, even. I want to say that I also know how they run the show, and I also though of the possibility of Tim wrapping up Buddie's love arch by episode 13. Being 8x13 when we get to see Eddie for the first time since he felt, a total of three episodes out.

Still, there's a lot to explore when it comes to Eddie's sexuality and self-acceptance, and what comes with it. That if they play it well could take up to two episodes at least. And we know there's only two possibilities in how Eddie could come to that conclusion that he is gay:

A) Romantic feelings for Buck come before the sexuality realitzation.

B) There's a third person from the past, or something that ties his repression to childhood and they can only explore by sending Eddie to El Paso for a while.

[yimpysdiner]

Ridiculously long analysis of Jimmy's dialogue (PART 2)

PART 1 HERE Continuing with the next section,

Mimicking?

The whole ordeal of Jimmy copying Curly's "yeah?" in speech has already been pointed out, but there's something else I wanted to look into. This section is gonna be relatively short but this interaction still sticks with me. It's fairly easy to miss as you can brush it off but given Jimmy often repeats words or phrases from those around him I find it interesting.

This interaction was so awkward that it has me thinking about it over and over so honestly this may be one big nothing burger and more so headcanon territory but hear me out.

Jimmy gets quiet here as either 1, he expects them all to die on that ship as he said before crashing it or 2, he's terrified of any sort of attention their whole ordeal may get if they survive. The awkward silence is only filled by him commenting on ladies. Daisuke is no stranger to talking about "beach babes" and as Swansea puts it, "thinking with his downstairs long-nose." Honestly, Jimmy is a scumbag and gross around women, but I don't think this is the sort of situation where he cares to be impressing any ladies. This reads to me as him trying to "fit in" with Daisuke in a way. The way he often mimics people and says things they'd relate to defuse situations and get on their good sides feels like a form of masking. I'm no professional, no idea what in specific this would be, but Jimmy strikes me as the kind of guy who finds it really difficult to positively navigate a lot of social situations, especially if he feels uneasy like he was here. This parts super rambly sorry, this is just something interesting about him to me, how he'll latch on to other people's personality traits and mirror them.

Lashing out

We all already know Jimmy's not a very stable guy, very small things irritate him, he has levels to his anger however.

His base line irritation is just little remarks like this, things that you would scratch your head at but they're small so you can't quite bring them up. It's not completely aggressive, but it's definitely not very friendly either

I won't shove all the same screenshots of him lashing out during the birthday party here, but there he only lashes out in front of everyone else when he's able to make it seem like he's in the right. He insults everyone to their faces, but he's able to pin all the blame on Curly, letting out his anger while also in some sort of way getting people on his "side." Here he's *already* sewing seeds of doubt about Curly into the other's mind, so his little plan to blame Curly for the crash later on only works out all the more in his favor.

Then there's moments like when he's giving Curly his pills. He isn't exactly yelling, more so going on with his angry, paranoid rambles. This of course is followed by the implication he beats Curly while feeding him his painkillers, physically taking out his anger on someone who can't fight back. Side note, the only times he ever gets physical is when they're in a position of being unable to fight back (drugging Swansea, the implied drugging of Anya, and of course when Curly is left defenseless.)

I believe this is the first instance of Jimmy actually full on yelling while having one of his tantrums, which is why I say his anger is written in levels. It's not all one flat base of him cussing like a sailor and screaming his head off, remembering this and *what* exactly makes him tick helps me when deciding how I should write him reacting to certain situations. There's other instances where he's clearly panicked and flustered, stuttering and rambling because of high stress situations such as when Daisuke is on the brink of death and it's all his fault, which we'll get to later.

Hopelessness

Something I noticed when going back through everything is Jimmy seems completely and utterly hopeless about everything in his life. It starts out in the cockpit scene, one of the very few times he's genuinely vulnerable.

This line initially just seems like Jimmy is some power tripping guy who likes being the right hand man to the Captain, which is entirely possible (and true, given how quick he is to assume the Captains role himself), but it leads me to suspect something else as well.

These are out of order, but I think like this is better demonstrates Jimmy has never really felt the sense of control over his life like he has until he got this gig with Curly. He feels comfortable like this, which is why Curly wanting to "throw it all away" in his eyes baffles him. I really wish the devs gave some insight to what Jimmy's life on Earth was, why *he* ran from it all to assume a position where he felt he was finally in the drivers seat.

When Jimmy is faced with the reality of what he's done, his first worry is when he gets back home, he'll be caged in the same position he was, back at square one with no control over his life, rotting in a prison. Even if he did get out, as he said, none of it will matter, not with an assault on his permanent record. Maybe he held onto hope that he and Curly would find something new to do, but because he made the choice to force himself on Anya, that'll never happen. His knee jerk reaction to that? Kill himself. Kill himself and take everyone down with him, because if he's not in control, he may as well be dead. "The Tulpar crew was never found."

Remorse

Jimmy isn't entirely uncaring for what he's done. He suffers delusions for each and every one of the people he fucked over, all except Anya. Instead, he sees visions of the child he created, the ever looming reminder of what he did, no matter how hard he tried to block out Anya from his mind, it will always, always haunt him. Him crying to Curly and pleading forgiveness from someone who can't properly give it to him anymore is already a sort of in your face scene, that and the scenes with the horse delusions.

I want to talk about Daisuke and Swansea actually, as he had a much more direct role in their ends. In his mind he can say, oh, Curly ran in and did that to himself, oh, Anya swallowed those pills and did that to herself. It's Daisuke and Swansea who show up more broadly as themselves in his delusions as he was the sole reason for their passing. As Daisuke is dying, he is incredibly distressed the entire time.

Daisuke being so prominent in his mind has always struck me as interesting, seeing him in the vent, a grave, in the graveyard, all the flowers, the real genuine panic when trying to fix what he did. He never wanted him to die, he obviously feels immense guilt in making him crawl through that vent.

As for Swansea, Swansea can read him like a book, and he lets Jimmy know exactly what he thinks of him before he's shot and killed. He appears in the graveyard with Jimmy, also leaving a lasting impact on Jimmy's psyche.

To say Jimmy feels nothing over what he's done, or that he wouldn't care about people dying or anything like that is wrong on so many levels when the entire last half of the game focuses on him having to literally fight his own demons. It all culminates into him saying he fixed everything, deluding himself into being a hero as some sort of final comfort to his broken mind before he offs himself, "saving" Curly after dismembering him as if that makes up for all his wrongdoings. Jimmy is so layered and interesting and human, and that's what makes him a fantastically written character. It's what allows you to see yourself in him and reflect, see those insecurities he harbors, those toxic traits he exhibits, every little ugly part of him meant to be a mirror to your own actions. Denying him his humanity and making him an emotionless, aggressive, constantly angry person strips him of everything he's meant to be.

Sorry for the huuuuge yapsesh, but I thought going over these would be fun, it also helps me keep my characterization of him as accurate as I can possibly make it. If you have any thoughts let me know!!! I am very very invested in him and I love to hear what others think of him, even if I may agree or disagree.

[skullypettibone]

Omg PLEASE tell me more about Bellara/Illario!! 🤩

YESSSS BELLARIO MY BELOVED. ok so this post here is what sold me on them. I just love the idea of Bellara needs help writing her romance novels and who better to turn to than the Romance Expert (self proclaimed) as a consultant. she's like "hey Illario does this line sound cheesy or is it working?" and he looks in her eyes and reads it aloud in That Voice and oh yeah that's good 😳for the book I mean. and obviously Illario is preening like a silly tropical bird under all the attention

Also once serious feelings are involved I think Bellara would scare the shit out of Illario. He's craved validation and to be the one chosen first all his life. Now this lil ray of sunshine is being so sweet and kind to him and the worst part is she sucks ass at lying so oh nooo he knows she actually means it. I think Illario would lose his mind a little and want to eat her.

As for Bellara, I like the idea of her having a partner that doesn't infantilize her. Something Illario can definitely understand as he's always been treated as less competent than he actually is. People don't notice bc she's cute but lol Bellara's lowkey pretty morally grey. Picture she's rambling to Illario about something she wants to build if onlyyyy she had this one super rare part that's locked up in some Orlesian vault :(. Couple days later Illario says here you go don't ask how I got this. and Bellara would just be like okay❤️ yay❤️ He would hear out her vision for laser turrets on the Lighthouse

They're one of those ships that I think you can take a lot of different directions! it ends tragically or they make it work and are really good for each other

[storkmuffin]

Matz Lego Live 2025.2.13 Liveblog

@fallenstarhwa and @iriswashername this is for you!!

First off, you know they picked the 13th of February to do this lego live thing, very deliberately right? They're avoiding Valentine's day.

We open on Hongjoong muttering to himself while looking at his phone. It's always so funny to me that content makers are just as much serfs to the data farm as the ordinary people who watch their content. Hongjoong is wearing what looks like a hooded raincoat indoors, and a knit cap under that. I guess it's cold in this hotel. I've found that to be generally true of the West- Koreans keep things warm indoors, but westerners don't as much. Also there is a giant mirror in front of Seonghwa's bed. I can already hear the fanfic pens sharpening. Seonghwa comes to sit (plop, actually) next to Hongjoong. He is also wearing layers and a knit hat indoors. Definitely cold. The glasses he has on are very cool but they also are very grandpa, and given their height difference and Hong Joong slouching they look like dad and son.

Hwa is checking angles, making sure the lego boxes are lined up properly, that the link to internet is working, the camera is on, busy busy busy, and HJ is just ... diddling his phone on his lap making mouth sounds.

Immediately, Hongjoong causes banging. He pretends the banging didn't happen but Hwa doesn't cooperate. He looks for the thing that fell, and sees nothing on the floor, so then he silently wonders if someone knocked by staring at the door. He looks almost ready to stand up. Apparently when someone knocks it's Hwa's job to go open the door, because he doesn't say anything to HJ about the 'knock.' This is finally when HJ sheepishly says, No, it's not anything, it's my phone. Hwa looks at the phone in HJ's hand, clearly wondering how did that thing in your hand make a noise so far away from it, but he's just too busy doing the set up. HJ leans back from his seat to pick up the second phone that's fallen to the floor from the arm rest. HJ keeps talking but Hwa doesn't say a word until the set up is working.

Hwa is a sweetie. He really for some reason REALLY REALLY wanted to make legos with HJ and it's finally happening so he messes up his opening comment. He says, It's been a million years... and then realizes, Oh this is the first time! HJ is just a kid - he actually just echoes what Hwa says, no brain, just amplifying, until he confirms that this is the first time they're doing legos.

Then Hwa notices their outfits match. "This is so exciting!" he says, about their matching, and HJ pouts, You're copying me again. They are not looking at each other. Hwa says that he has to keep the glasses on because he looks ugly without, to which HJ says that he knew Hwa would wear the glasses, so he left his own behind. .... HJ. Dude. TELL HWA HE'S PRETTY. what are you DOING.

Hwa explains the legos they are about to make to the audience, adding in a little bit that says, I tried to reflect HJ's tastes even though he told me that he likes whatever I like - and HJ is like I did not say that!! Then Hwa explains in painstaking detail about Anakin and Asoka and how having an apprentice is not the same as having a brother (it's not 형 it's 스승 and 제자!). HJ has no idea wtf he's talking about or anything about Star Wars. At all. Okayyy. (I'm judging him in Nerd.)

They're unboxing the Legos with Hwa narrating like he's trying to sell them on the home shopping network. There are thumb grooves to make the boxes fun to open! and so on. HJ is trying really hard to not be mean about all this dorkiness, and mostly succeeding. The first crisis point is when Hwa shows off about how environmentally friendly the packaging is now, no plastic!!, until he opens his own smaller lego and realizes... it's still fully plastic. HJ covers his face to laugh.

Hwa will assist HJ on putting HJ's lego together. HJ side eyes Hwa to ask how much of a time commitment this is going to be, to which Hwa says it'll be about an hour.

Then HJ tells us, the audience, that this is not his lifetime first encounter with Legos. Hwa is surprised enough to turn to look at HJ, and acts betrayed. (뭐야...). He gets over it pretty quickly and goes right back to selling the legos on the home shopping network. The dialect tonality is coming out so strong right now. Is it because he's excited? LOL

As HJ begins unboxing the pieces, he just hates them. His mouth sours. He hates the legos as they come out, whereas Hwa looks fondly at the plastic pieces like they are his offspring hatching from the foam covering their egg cluster. Then HJ says that by nature, he hates the kind of thing where he has to follow a pre-set recipe and order. Hwa, holding the pre-set recipe and order book in his hand, stares off into the distance.

This is going to be a very long evening.

Hwa hazards, "So you just wanna make something new??"and HJ says no, with this sort of thing you have no choice but to follow. Hwa smiles just the tiniest bit, because he had been plunged into an icy bath just a moment ago and now he's back out of it.

HJ says he wants to experience the 'time killing' culture of Legos, then says that since beginning his Lego habit, Hwa has gotten angrier as a person (joke). If Hwa had done something similar, HJ would immediately go NO I DIDN'T but Hwa smiles in an exasperated way and then asks, rhetorically, Shouldn't it be the opposite? and lets HJ explain that he was joking. They are so different.

Then HJ spills everything and they disppear for a while, to pick up all the pieces, muttering. Hwa lectures - belatedly - about how you have to open stuff carefully.

HJ keeps signalling how much he hates Legos already and he hasn't even fit two pieces together. He says "This is a valuable experience" - singular, the one time, never again, etc. is implied. "You're doing great!" Hwa says, "You've already made half of Asoka!"

HJ doesn't like being Hwa's student. "It's been a long time since I've learned something from Hwa. It feels... complicated."* Hwa doesn't want him to drop out, so he says, "All you need for lego making is to be fastidious and alert." HJ says he's neither of those things. HJ says this is like getting behavioral therapy to learn calmness.

*What HJ says is it feels 오묘하다 to be taught by Hwa, which literally means Mysterious, but I'm choosing a different word.

But HJ gets the hang of it by the 10 minute mark - he says, "I just have to follow the instructions!" like this is a discovery (Why is he 4 years old?). And then they are side by side, looking down, chatting in a leisurely way about their visit to Como. They look just like me and my knitting circle when we work on individual projects side by side, talking.

HJ kinda talks about himself a lot. See. This is one of those things that makes me think he's ND. Hwa says things to him about him, and HJ answers with more information about himself, but doesn't ask Hwa anything. When Hwa makes an encouraging comment - Oh you're on page 2 already? -HJ is like I am good at this sort of thing because I studied hard in school. But Hwa just indulges him like HJ is his grandson - Oh what a smart boy, Kim Hong Joong, he says, absolutely soullessly but not with any sort of sarcasm, while making his own lego. And HJ just keeps talking about his strengths - he can stay put and work on something for a long time! And Hwa keeps agreeing. "Yes! That's why you're so good at composing."

Basically, Hwa is gentle parenting HJ into staying put and making this lego thing, doing something he doesn't like (Following a strict recipe) about an IP property he knows nothing about (Star Wars) because Hwa's fans (and probably Hwa himself) wants him to make legos with someone while on this tour. LOLOL.

HJ says he has set up a composition station on the bed in his hotel rooms (Hwa: And not because you just want to work in bed?) then he tells a story about packing harmonicas and a whole second bag of composition equipment. Hwa spills things, and blames HJ (Now that I'm with you I'm spilling things!) to which HJ as per usual shoots back (No, spilling things is just your nature).

I saw an anti-Ateez post on the Korean internet, and the person said HJ was the reason she couldn't get into Ateez. HongJoong stans, cover your eyes: She said that she's noticed when a leader of an Idol group with a lot of members is short, their egos tend to be bloated, and felt HJ was a prime example. 4 minutes into actually making legos, HJ is congratulating himself - I am talented at this! - and Hwa says, Oh you're definitely talented at this! Half a second later, literally, HJ makes an alarmed mouth sound and Hwa says, "Why, did you mess up?"

Hwa keeps HJ talking about the harmonica. HJ says he can play a song on the harmonica, and starts singing it. Together, they start singing Donna e Mobile from Rigoletto and not remembering what it's called, and I'm having that experience of being a ghost, where I'm screaming IT'S RIGOLETTO!! RIGOLETTO!! DONNA E MOBILE!!! but the people I'm screaming at can't hear me.

HJ keeps soliciting praise from Hwa ("I'm doing great!") and Hwa just automatically affirms.

The chat is trying to tell HJ what the song is but those bitches are all getting it wrong. I am biting down on my teeth so hard because I can't keep shouting La Donna e Mobile!!

Hwa spills more pieces and HJ attacks him. He gets overexcited so he stutters- What-what-what were you saying about like psh! like about the spilling?? to me??? Hwa is a lot like San in that he suddenly says Zen master things: Everyone makes mistakes, but the key is to not be defeated by them. I feel like this shows a perfectionist streak, to have to defend dropping a lego piece with this sort of weighty principle.

They gossip like old biddies about San. San kept saying the steaks in room service of every hotel is delicious, but when Hwa double checks with HJ the answer is sometimes a meh. HJ says San just likes beef.

HJ completes a portion of a piece then wants praise (again) (He's kind of a handful, isn't he?). Hwa says, You mustn't give up, there are so many cheering you on. HJ says, You said this would be over in half an hour. Hwa retorts, I said an hour. HJ really doesn't like Lego. LOLOL

Hwa keeps checking in on him- you're having a fun right? I'm so pleased to hear you're having fun - and HJ affirms, but his comments say otherwise. He keeps declaring himself DONE and FINISHED when he evidently isn't.

At the 27 minute mark, Hwa is done with his. HJ drops something else, and Hwa automatically consoles him to no response. HJ, when he's not praising himself or soliciting praise, sings snippets of song. This makes him just like San, who just starts singing when there's nothing else to do. I think Hwa is worried HJ will drop out of this project, so he's lathering him in praise. "Oh such great observation skills!" But HJ still doesn't like it. He wants to know if there's competitions for finishing legos as fast as possible. LOLOL. Hwa doesn't know.

Hwa starts to actively, aggressively help HJ put the thing together. "My mouth is drying out," HJ says, because he's having a rough time. Hwa's soft power is unparalleled. He's totally forcing HJ to do this and I'm CRACKING UP.

Oooh! HJ finished! He flips open the lid of his spaceship back and forth, now soliciting praise from the audience. Once the toy is complete, HJ makes mouth sound effects like he's 4. Zzzyoooong ~ etc. He's literally 4.

Hwa says, You finished the first one.

HJ gets up immediately.

Hwa: YOU'RE NOT LEAVING RIGHT? COME BACK.

HJ goes to get the second bag and slumps in his chair. He hates this so much. YOU DO IT NOW TOO, he commands Hwa as the second baggie full of legos comes out. "I am," Hwa says, very calm.

What is Hwa getting out of forcing HJ to do this? This is a weird kink.

They're talking nonsense about flying cars, about how technology can come out that you think is impossible, and then HJ signals how much he's not actually enjoying this: What about machines that make legos for you?? Hwa, very calmly ignoring this, the 700th hint, says, That already exists. But he's not missing out on the hints. He starts to act as a surgical nurse to HJ, finding the next piece he's going to need and handing it to him one right after the other like it's in the surgical theater and they're saving a life.

HJ hates this so much. He reads his favorite line of the manual so far. "Hey they're letting me know that I'm halfway through!!" Hwa is honest and brings down the reality hammer: "This is not the halfway point." (There's a lot more to go.) HJ is CRUSHED but Hwa is amused. HJ can't stop now, even if he hates it. Hwa is pleased.

It's only a quarter of the way done.

HJ starts to rebel. "I'm going to just go by feeling!" Hwa says no - "You can't go by feeling. I told you." He starts pre-making pieces to hand over to HJ to fit into the in progress piece. HJ is playing drums, rapping, drinking, sighing, making mouth sounds. "It would have been a disaster to pick a bigger one," Hwa admits.

HJ wants Hwa to let him stop. "You're feeling frustrated, aren't you??"

Hwa, very calm, very pleased, says No, not at all.

What...

What is this kink?

This kink of forcing a person who hates Legos to make a Lego with you even as they actively hate it??

HJ tries to trick himself into going on. "I like it! This is good! It's great!"

That was the last of his energy though, because HJ just puts his head down on the table. He wants to leave, but the force of Hwa's power is such that he can't, so he wants to exit the room by going inside his subconscious. Hwa is busy, making HJ's lego for him. "You're not sleeping, right?" he asks. HJ's head pops right back up. "No! No! I'm thinking [about making the Lego]!" he says.

HJ gives up. Hwa is making the Legos, so HJ reads the comments by those in the chat. Meanwhile, there's a piece missing, and Hwa looks for it. HJ finds it for him on the table. Hwa says, "Lego never makes an error. All the errors are my own."

Why is Hwa making Buddhist koans out of lego? LOLOL

He hands the lego making back to HJ, because making HJ make the legos is his kink. HJ is trying so hard - talking himself up, rapping, singing, writhing around - to keep his mind on these lego things that he hates.

I'm scary when I concentrate! he threatens Hwa, as he accepts his fate. You're not intimidating in any way, Hwa says, helping him. He's back to lathering HJ in praise - You're talented at this! I believe in you! HJ is putting the lego together with all the joyless but concentrated detachment of a factory worker putting semiconductors together.

"Are you so very bored?" Hwa asks, laughing.

This is so his kink and I don't understand but it's very perverse.

HJ protests that he is having a wonderful time. Then he says, as Hwa continues to be his surgical nurse, "You make a good assistant. You were born to assist me!" Then he segues into a military role play, where he's the tough commander and Hwa is his solicitous subordinate. Hwa plays right along, smoothly transitioning into the tone and affect of 'military' as seen in media. Hwa's dialect is coming out strong. HJ is talking 'down' to Hwa, using 반말, because he's the "general" in this little play whereas Hwa is speaking 존댓말 in response. All while in the larger context Hwa is forcing HJ to do this thing he doesn't like. This is fucking kinky. This is giving, also, Captain Hook and Mr. Smee, where Smee was the top. You know what I mean right? HJ is being played so hard. I can't believe KQ staff are letting this happen to him. Is it OK that I'm watching this?

Hwa, what are you doing, you weird pervert!?!?

SO they have finished one of the wings. Hwa says, to be encouraging, You just have to make one more! but HJ is like, Why does the fucking spaceship have two wings?

HJ doesn't want to snap the pieces together anymore. He says, I'll find the pieces and you assemble it.

AND NOW HWA IS THE GENERAL AND HJ IS USING 존댓말. Hwa's voice gets louder and lower and HJ turns into a little high pitched bird.

THIS IS THE KINKIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN

WHAT IS HAPPENING

HWA IS SO HARD RIGHT NOW.

FUCKING LEGO IS MAKING ME WRITE RPF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE

I AM LOSING IT.

I'm suited to this! HJ says, happily. Being what? Being Hwa's submissive assistant? Do you even know what you're saying, HJ? Was this Hwa's big picture all along???

They entirely stop talking for long moments as Hwa is fully in the zone, having HJ play the attentive assistant to him, while he makes Legos. This is Hwa's sexuality, apparently. I mean I said he was queer but like, he went ahead and invented Lego Queer. I have been listening too much Ateez music because I'm fully hearing in my head Seonghwa singing I'm the one in my zone, 다른 애들은 삐약 as I'm watching HJ hover at Hwa's elbow as Hwa makes the rest of HJ's lego.

HJ starts cheering like an American cheerleader at Hwa making the lego.

LEGO QUEER KINKY SHIT.

이건 무슨 일이야 indeed.

What is it with these Ateez guys and their need to make speeches about life lessons? HJ, completely unaware of the Lego Queer Kink Dungeon in which he has found himself, jabbers on about how he is learning important Life Lessons from building this lego.

Hwa is putting stickers on the lego, and HJ is just stroking him by praising him every step of the way. HJ needed Hwa's praise to stay engaged in the lego making, but Hwa was actually just dosing him with the behavior he wanted HJ to do. That is, Hwa wanted HJ to praise him as he made legos. What's happening looks the same but what's actually going on is entirely different.

Hwa has completed the lego. HJ claps. Not because he liked it, but because he's so happy it's over. Hwa - I SWEAR TO GOD I'M LIVE BLOGGING THIS - Hwa POINTS THE PHALLUS SHAPED SPACE SHIP WITH THE TWO THINGS SPREAD OUT TO THE SIDE, HOLE FACING FORWARD, AND SHOOTS HIS LOAD AT THE CAMERA.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i'm

I'M CRYING

I'M....

박성화 너 뭐하는거야????????????????????????

AND THEN HE GIVES IT TO HJ WHO ALSO SHOOTS HIS LOAD.

야 박성화! 성화야! 야!!!!!! 너! 너너!! 너어어어어어어!!!!!

You shouldn't shoot this at people, Hwa says, after collecting the bullet.

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

Hwa has a cruel streak if this is anything to go by. Look at poor little HJ who clearly had no idea what sort of video he was making. He's crushed, drained, overwhelmed. Hwa on the other hand is shooting load after load at the camera.

His aftercare is cold as shit too. He asks if HJ would ever make Legos again. When HJ responds with the loudest silence of all time Hwa just tells him what's next on the agenda - they are gonna make a small lego in HJ's composition room. HJ immediately says no. There is no shelving and no space. Hwa doesn't argue. He is just going to bide his time to get what he wants. Like he did this time. Then he summarily orders HJ to go.

가 he says. Just Go. Not go and rest or go and wash up or go and sleep. Just. Go.

HJ mumbles something about including San but Hwa had no answer to that because he got what he wanted. He's done.

Park Seonghwa is a Lego Queer Dom and he's A BRUTE

[fangdokja]

This is Part 2 of my reply to the comment before. It can be read as a standalone, but here is Part 1, if you ever want to read it :)). I edited out the casual talks as well. This content will help anyone, especially for writers. Life and writing tips + mindset + more.

Glad you like my writing style, thank you. It's probably because of my experience as a psychological author. I really mean it, when I have years of experience both in fiction and non-fiction writing.

Actually, I would say one of the main reasons I am able to write this is because I've written so much research and academic papers in general (especially when hardcore carrying group mates in school). For fiction, I've always like reading and watching thrillers as well. I despise writing stupid characters and lazy plot writing.

Every part has to serve a purpose that's significant to the story and the WORLD itself, not just as cannon fodder or feeding the protagonists brownie points. It's pathetic in my eyes. Spoon feeding your protagonists all the time like the world favors them, well, it's unrealistic. Everyone has their story to tell, even if they are classified as side characters. And, everyone goes through genuine hardships. EVERYONE.

So why should one or some people be an exception to despair? To true suffering? It's unrealistic and not grounded in actual reality, especially morally wise. And, as someone who builds worlds (even fantasy) grounded in logic and reality, it's unacceptable. It's why factors like plot armor and power of friendship used in unreasonable amounts honestly irritate me.

And thanks for the wholesome analogy, I like the description. Subtle and you never know what happens next. Actually, I write like that. I have a general know-how of how everything will go. But, the specifics? Not really. I write as I go, so even I don't know how the mini plot actions will go. haha. I guess that's why my writing and pacing feel natural, because even I don't know how the entire story will go.

As for building things up, it's definitely not easy to write a specific genre they're not used to. Execution-wise. It's easier to write slice-of-life content because everyone knows how lives go; they can just use their own lives, those close to them, or those they witness and see. There's already a point of reference. Which explains why they write this more.

Thrillers + Psychological + Horror, the writing here obviously requires deeper thinking, philosophical analysis, psychoanalysis of human behavior and morality, and usually base planning skills. You need to learn when to time certain events, because if you miss the proper timing, it weakens the story instead. That's why usually, you have to have a basic idea of how your story will go. Slice-of-life and low fantasy has more freedom for the writer, since it doesn't necessarily have to obey rigid logic.

Thrillers, for example, need to be based on some grounds of reality. Because if people think it's just a fantasy, it risks the audience decompartmentalizing the story and watching as a mere audience with an unconscious mindset of "This won't happen in reality. It's just a fantasy."

In turn, it weakens the emotional and mental impact on the audience. Sure, people can still get scared, like for other horror supernatural content. But true horror and emotions stick; when it disturbs the audience enough for them to believe this can happen in reality, or it creates such an immersive experience that leaves a lasting impression, and sparks genuine emotion inside them.

And, again, it's a genuine challenge for people to write something grounded in reality. Because most use writing to escape into a fantasy.

It's why brainless smut, wholesome slice-of-life, shounen or fantasy, gets most traction. It's about escaping the real world into a fantasy world where you can have control, especially if you're unused to having it in real life. People usually don't read to go from one world to a realistic world, or worse, a realistic and grimdark-like world. It's uncomfortable and disturbing. People like lighthearted content more, even among the male yandere community.

Thank you. Idk, I just write what I want. I have fun in writing, it's healing, so I write. I guess I always assume my readers would be the lurker silent kind, I don't mind since I'm the same. I don't expect good or substantial comments. I mostly expect backlash tbh haha. So, it always comes as a surprise that I've mostly gotten wholesome comments from Readers. Or funny ones. Either way, positive comments always surprise me.

Well I write because I love my God and my husband a lot. And I love writing yandere content because of them. Never for traction, popularity, money, etc. So, that mindset helps a lot with me just writing what I want, creation freedom if you will.

And, glad you're enjoying so far. I don't like horror movies, but I really enjoy horror games. My friend and I watch and play horror games a lot, so probably bled into my writing as well.

It's no problem at all, no worries, I genuinely enjoy combining both. Literally what I wanted to read but never found. It's always one or the other. Just generic yandere content that's enough for me, because I'm starving and can't find food anywhere. If it's not yandere, it's just horror without the love, without the yandere element. Sigh.

Regardless, no need to thank me. The fact you and the other Readers read and engage with my stories, well, it's more than enough for me already. The fact that you're sending me these long wholesome messages. Well, I have no words tbh. I don't really know how to express my gratitude enough. But, thank you really.

I'm honored you think of me as someone motivating, no words tbh. Thank you.

I was also like this before, I wanted to plan everything out and wanted it to be perfect. But let me tell you what I did to help me create stories like this, some tips that I recommend:

a. Stop overthinking. Just write. Even if it's absolute crap to you, just write.

What would shock people is that a lot of my most popular stories at the moment? Well, I hated it tbh. I didn't like how I wrote it, what I put, etc. I though it was utter crap. Basically this thing that "I could do better."

Some stories I genuinely didn't like when I was rereading it again: Yandere! Otome Game, Yandere! Nerd. Those are literally my most popular works in Tumblr right now. Ironic, isn't it? Especially Yandere! Nerd. I hated what I did there. Yeah, I still have impossible standards lol.

'I know it's good. But not good enough. I can do better.' See even I still have this issue. It helps drive me, but also makes me overthink if I don't control and develop it properly.

But it's fine. It's progress even if you think it's shiz.

b. Set aside time everyday to write. Even if it's just a short prompt of 15 minutes. Just make the commitment.

My main strategy on being able to write anything is that I used the artist's tip on "draw everyday". I did the same.

Even if I didn't want to, or I wasn't feeling it, I still did so. To have that mindset, to commit and write regardless of what happens. It doesn't matter if it's crap, just keep writing. It's about forming a habit to write and think like an author. Because that's what you are, and what you should already think of yourself.

"I am an author. So I have to write." Mindset helps a lot in anything, even in writing.

James Clear, who wrote Atomic Habits, said this in Chapter 1: “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”

Small habits, small everyday actions, this is the groundwork and foundation of success. People only see the big rewards and accomplishments, not knowing the roots a person sets to get there.

And, always celebrate milestones. When you meet a small writing goal? Celebrate and treat yourself. It's progress. If you always look at that big goal, you'll get burned out because you'll feel like you're so far from it. That it's impossible to reach it. So, you don't get burned out, and get encouraged instead. Make sure to celebrate small milestones, small goals you achieve.

c. And of course, have fun :))

Don't think about what "But what if people say this…" or "I'm not good enough. " or "It's not perfect enough, I need more time."

Just write and remember the foundation you set. If you really love writing, if this is really your passion, then everything else will naturally follow.

Moreover, I'm not teaching you and other Readers to have an "external locus of control." But, an "internal locus of control."

This means that you have control over your own self, not simply by reacting to outside forces. You can't change people's reactions, perceptions, environmental circumstances. But, you can change your response to it.

Why do I say have fun? Because when everything is silent, would you still write? If you're in a room all alone, would you still write?

Hard questions, but necessary. If you don't set your foundation, it will crumble later. And everything will just be a waste of time for you and others. I don't want you nor others to waste such precious time and effort.

Nevertheless, I'm glad you're just writing already. It's a start.

Don't overthink it and just write. What matters here is progress, not simply the result. A lot of the times, authors wrote a lot of content before they made their magnum opus. Your first works will be crap. Expect it. But, it's like digging for gold. You won't get gold on the first try. You have to dig through the dirt first.

Thank you for not finding me annoying, I'm glad you're enjoying these detailed replies as well. I appreciate it :)) Hopefully this helps, and God bless in reading and writing.

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❤︎ Fang Dokja's Books.

♡ Book 1. A Heart Devoured (AHD): A Dark Yandere Anthology ♡ Book 2. Forbidden Fruits (FF): Intimate Obsessions, Unhinged Desires. ♡ Book 3. World Ablaze (WA) : For You, I'd Burn the World. ♡ Book 4. Whispers in the Dark (WITD): Subtle Devotion, Lingering Shadows. ♡ Book 5 [you are here]. Ink & Insight (I&I): From Dead Dove to Daydreams. ♡ Library MASTERPOST 1. The Librarian’s Ledger: A Map to The Library of Forbidden Texts.

♡ Disclaimer. Not all stories are included in the masterpost due to Tumblr’s link limitations. However, most long-form stories can be found here. If you're searching for a specific yandere or theme, this guide will help you navigate The Library of Forbidden Texts. Proceed with caution—these tales explore obsession, madness, and devotion in their rawest forms.