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#'Dad. there is no cure for these illnesses. i am going to be on symptom management for the rest of my life.'
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welp i got the preliminary POTS diagnosis. doc doesn't want to do the TTT bc if it comes back positive they'd have to put me on beta blockers and some other prescriptions, and he wants to try some non-pharmaceutical treatments first as an additional diagnostic test. but i apparently meet all the criteria anyway 🙄
now to convince my dad that actually i am doing my best everyday and fuck you for thinking i'm being lazy
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zuzsenpai · 4 months
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Personal post, an update on mental illness struggles
The past week has been brutal. I can barely function in any capacity. Constantly distraught, sobbing or close to crying all day. Can’t focus on a single thing, especially at work. I’m constantly woozy and have so much pressure in my head. I finally called my psychiatrist after finally realizing I’m actually having antidepressant withdrawals after tapering off of one over a month ago. She told me I shouldn’t be having withdrawal given the amount of time it’s been. I know I shouldn’t consider Reddit to be a source of medical info, but people on there are telling me withdrawal symptoms really CAN last this long. So I have no idea why my psychiatrist is so against me saying it’s withdrawal. I don’t know who to believe?
Regardless, I’m going back on a low dose of the med, because she believes my depression has gotten worse (even if she doesn’t think it’s from withdrawal). I mean, it truly HAS gotten worse. Worst it’s ever been in the 13 years I’ve been living with it. I hope I can feel better soon. This sudden bout of bad depression has put a wall between me and EVERYTHING. I have two back to back anime conventions in a month and I CAN’T be sick for these. I just CAN’T.
Edit: oh my FUCKING GOD apparently telling my dad I was having this severe bout of depression was the worst fucking idea. I TOLD him not to tell my mom. I TOLD him she was going to fucking say “actually you need to exercise and pray because those are better than meds!!” I TOLD him this was going to make it worse if I heard her say those things. HE TOLD HER FUCKING ANYWAY. AND GUESS WHAT SHE FUXKING SAID???? She said exercise and pray and go on the keto diet!!! This is making the day so much worse for me, as if it wasn’t already bad. I was able to count on him in the past but this is the fucking end of my trust in him
I’m losing my patience with people who tell me exercise cures depression. If I had the ability to exercise I fucking would! But I can barely get out of bed!! I go home after work and go right to fucking bed because I am so emotionally exhausted and in so much mental anguish that I can’t fucking MOVE. Get the fuck out of here with “exercise”
And keto diet??? Fuck you! You’re the one who told me I was fat and forced me on atkins and south beach when I was 15 and had a fucking normal BMI
I hate this I hate this I hate this
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wp-blaze · 2 days
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What’s All This Talk About Consciousness?
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The interpretation of consciousness extends to spiritual, philosophical, and scientific realms. Some believe that consciousness transcends the physical body and is interconnected with the universe or a higher power. Others argue that consciousness is an illusion created by the brain and is not a separate entity. These differing beliefs highlight the complexity of the concept and the various ways in which it can be understood.
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caspersickfanfics · 4 months
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I’m curious as to what you think Cyno and Tighnari would do if they had to visit Dragonspine 👀 more specifically i wonder how /Cyno/ would handle it. I feel like him going with nari or him returning from a solo trip to nari would be very interesting, since Cyno wouldn’t risk his reputation by not going on said mission even if it cost him big time later~ thoughts ? :)
Oh anon, I love you for this ask. I have. So many thoughts.
First of all, this opens the door to so many unusual character interactions. Out of these, Lisa and Cyno's friendship is a really appealing dynamic to me - I think he's comfortable with her in a way that's a bit different to the way he is with Tighnari. I think Tighnari understands, to an extent, when Cyno wants to act tough and pretend he's more okay than he is. He doesn't baby him, because 1) that's not Tighnari's style and 2) he wants Cyno to be as comfortable as possible. I imagine that Lisa does baby him, knowing that he's uncomfortable with it. She thinks he's cute and as much as she does respect him, he's like a little brother to her. So, say Cyno ends up not doing so hot at Dragonspine, Lisa is going to force him to rest, she's going to give him all the blankets and soup they have to warm him up, and she's staying by his side as much as possible through it all. It's a little oppressive, but Cyno is aware and can appreciate that it's how she expresses her care.
In a similar vein, I've seen some fics positioning Razor as being like a little brother to Cyno, which - idk if they ever interact in canon, but that's intriguing as well. Razor finding him and not knowing what to do to help, Cyno trying to be reassuring when he just feels absolutely horrid. Um, also, I barely ever think about Amber but I'm picturing her on outrider duties and finding Cyno passed out in the snow and being like "wait... isn't that Collei's dad??" Helping him out and writing to Collei about it once Cyno's back in the city and on the mend.
Re: returning to Nari after a solo trip to Dragonspine. My brain has instantly latched onto an entirely made up illness that just keeps him feeling cold long after he leaves. Cold in a way that feels freezing, just chills 24/7, and the longer it goes on the more other symptoms build up. There's a cure, but it's all the way in Mondstat. Tighnari doesn't want to leave Cyno alone or move him, so he asks Kaveh and Alhaitham if they can get ahold of it. Meanwhile, Cyno just keeps getting worse. They stay snuggled up as much as possible but it's really just miserable until they can get ahold of the antidote.
I'm also thinking about CynoNari going together, getting stuck in a cave or something with one or both of them hurt and/or sick. Maybe they were going to meet up with Albedo and got attacked or encountered unexpectedly bad weather on the way. I am sure that Tighnari would be prepared for the usual stuff, but he couldn't have perfectly planned for, say, an avalanche >:)
Oh this is one big ramble. I dunno anon, I'm not sure if this is what you wanted but, you certainly did get... something. What are your thoughts??
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Words aren’t adequate. Basically, my mom has a fairly aggressive and quite painful form of MS. Doctors can keep the symptoms and the nerve damage at bay, but there is no cure. I have a complicated relationship with both my parents, which I won’t expand on because it’s honestly kind of tragic, and if I’m creating healthy boundaries for the sake of my mental health between myself and it, then you sure as hell don’t want to get any closer yourself.
But she is a human being above all. I can’t love her enough to make the sickness go away. There are tears as I’m writing this. And I don’t want to sound selfish. But it’s true that the one thing that measures up to the pain of dealing with the affliction is knowing those who love you suffer as well. Illness is cruel and unjust. It attacks the rich and poor alike. I still have dreams where I see her walking around without even a cane. She kept the house together when dad was out of town for work for months on end. And this is her reward.
I guess why I’m posting this is some of you care for my emotional wellbeing. I’m doing okay enough. I don’t want my friends feeling concerned. I am fine. I make time and space for myself and my emotions. I maintain friendships, both close and long-distance. I’ve approached the rationality of the situation through the lens of therapy. And still, it’s okay to cry, or to be angry. But I do those things mindfully. Because I don’t believe in bottling feelings up, but rather learning, rather clinically, how to express them, and have constructive conversations about them.
In conclusion, I just want the people in my orbit to get better. That’s all. And whatever I can do to help someone have a better day, or a better life, will be done.
x
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pub-lius · 2 years
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all of the hamilton children for @thereallvrb0y
this post is my personal FUCK YOU to alexander hamilton for having so many kids. fucking whore. not eliza though, she's a miracle.
also apparently these historical figures are too obscure for my regular secondary sources, so i had to use peoplepill.com for like all of these, besides like. two. also @yr-obedt-cicero 's posts have helped so much i cannot thank you enough bestie
okay here we go
Philip Sr.
Philip Hamilton (the First) was born January 22, 1782 in Albany, New York. He was sent to Trenton Boarding School at nine, and later joined Colombia College. He went on to study law. Robert Troup described Philip as "a sad rake and I have serious doubts whether he would ever be an honour to his family or his country," which is tough talk for a guy who was gay for his dad. Other than this, people described him as having a lot of potential.
Apparently, he was one of Hamilton's favorites, if not the favorite. As the eldest, he was responsible for carrying on the family name, and was therefore the most "valuable". Hamilton was heavily strict on him, possibly because Philip had rebellious tendencies, but he was nevertheless a good student. I also wanted to include these two letters, this one from Alexander to Philip and this one from their dad to both Philip and Alexander Jr.
In 1797, Philip became deathly ill, but was cured by David Hosack.
After the whole political clusterfuck that was the year 1800, George Eacker decided that Alexander Hamilton was a piece of shit, and he was right, but Philip got pissed and called him a bitch, basically. Eacker insulted Philip and his friend in return and Philip challenged him to a duel because men never learn. Philip was fatally wounded in the duel, an Lin-Manuel Miranda decided to take this personally.
Alexander was so distraught by Philip's death that he had to be held up by two men at his funeral. He became much more religious after his death, and it's really the only part of his life that I think he genuinely believed in god.
Philip was buried in Trinity Church Cemetery with his parents.
Angelica <3
@yr-obedt-cicero made an amazing post on Angelica, which goes much more in detail than I will, as to not be redundant. thank you again <333
Angelica was born on September 25, 1784 in New York City. She was described as sensitive, lively, and fond of music and dance.
She studied French and practiced the harpsichord, which she was gifted by her aunt, Angelica Church. Her and her father would sing together as she played the harpsichord. They were very close and ow.
After her older brother's death, she entered a very poor mental state, described as "eternal childhood" and she couldn't recognize family members (this symptom could have just been after Hamilton's death, but sources vary), also speaking of Philip as if he was still alive. Her family dedicated a lot of time to her health, but her condition worsened, and she spent the rest of her life under the care of Dr. MacDonald.
She died on February 6, 1857 at the age of 72. She was buried at Sleepy Hollow Cemetery in Tarrytown, New York.
Alexander Jr.
Alexander Jr. (who I am going to call AJ bc it's easier and I think it's cute) was born on May 16, 1786. He attended a boarding school in Trenton at 8, then joined Philip studying with William Frazer.
Like his brother, he later attended Columbia College, and graduated in 1804, several weeks after his father's fatal duel. Sources also vary on this, with the St. Andrew's Society of New York (which AJ belonged to) he "did not graduate on account of an accident" so idk. Either way, he started to study law not long after.
He was invited to be an apprentice attorney in Stephen Higginson's Boston law firm, then was admitted to practice law.
He sailed to Spain in 1811 or 1812. He joined the Duke of Wellington's forces fighting Napoleon in Portugal. He returned to America to serve in the War of 1812. He was commissioned as Captain of the 41st Regiment of Infantry in the United States Army in August 1813, though doesn't appear to have seen active service. He went on to serve as an aide-de-camp to General Morgan Lewis in 1812 until June 15, 1815.
He resumed his law practice after his military career ended, and married Eliza P. Knox in 1817. He took office in July 1818 as a member of the 42nd New York State legislature for a one-year term.
In May 1822, James Monroe appointed AJ as United States Attorney for East Florida. As someone who lives in the East Florida parishes, I'm shitting my pants, we never get mentioned in history besides that one time. In 1823, he was appointed to be one of the three Land Commissioners for East Florida, and received the military rank of Colonel.
AJ ran unsuccessfully against Richard K. Call to be the Florida Territory's delegate in the House of Representatives. He returned to New York where he became successful in real estate, and was one of the leading names in Wall Street.
In the mid-1830s, Alexander Hamilton Jr. represented Eliza Jumel against Aaron Burr during their divorce proceedings, which were finalized in 1836 on the day of Burr's death. *copy and paste joke here*
In 1833, AJ used funds from his mother's sale of The Grange to buy the townhouse on St. Mark's Place, where he lived between 1833 and 1842 with his wife, mother, sister and brother-in-law.
He um. Met Abraham Lincoln???? in 1835 when he was on a trip to the west. Lincoln was an Illinois legislator and was apparently just in a grocery story "lying upon the counter in midday telling stories." ... GET HIM OFF THE COUNTER???? GET HIM OUT THE GROCERY STORE???????
Anyway... After the death of his wife, AJ moved to New Brunswick, New Jersey then to New York City. He died on August 2, 1875 at 83 Clinton Place, in Greenwich Village.
James Alexander (my detested)
Bitchbaby was born on April 14, 1788 and graduated from Colombia in 1805. He studied law with Nathaniel Pendleton (and the doctor that he knew).
Shithead was admitted to the bar in 1809 and practiced in Saratoga and Hudson. He married Mary Morris on October 17, 1810. And yes that is Morris as in Gouverneur Morris. They had five children, three of whom died before their father.
Apparently, he lived in extreme poverty in the early years of his legal practice.
"I now look back upon this event as not only the happiness, but the most fortunate occurrence of my long and eventful life. My poverty, with its burdens and responsibilities, nerved me to exertion, and necessity taught me the value of economy and self-denial." -James Alexander in his Reminisces.
He served in the War of 1812 as a brigade-major and inspector of the New York Militia, and relocated to New York City by June 1815.
He built a home in 1828 called Nevis because he's unoriginal. He also kept a portrait of George Washington by Gilbert Stuart, which was originally painted for his father in 1798, in his home.
"The Hamilton mansion was famous in New-York society 40 years ago, and has been the scene of many a distinguished gathering" -New York Times obituary, 1878
Okay, now its time for his love affair (/nsrs) with Andrew Jackson.
Fuckhead joined Jackson's ~entourage~ in Nashville and traveled to New Orleans in December 1827. He served on Jackson's "Appointing Council" after the 1828 election. He agreed to serve as Acting Secretary of State until Martin Van Buren assumed the post (March 4-April 4, 1829). He helped Jackson draft his Inaugural Address.
Slimeball was nominated by Jackson on April 23, 1829 as District Attorney for the Southern District of New York. Jackson told Shitpants he had wanted him "to always be at my command" and when Smartfeller returned to Washington, "I want you to be near me." This was, in historical terms, sussy.
He served as a confidante to Jackson while serving in this position, working on national and international matters, which wasn't in the job description. His 1869 (ha) memoirs is mostly his correspondence, including the discussions of the National Bank (._.) and the Nullification Crisis of 1832 (basically South Carolina disagreed with the government again and did too much).
As Pisspants was leaving for New York, Jackson told him to "Make as much money as you can" and he did by continuing his private practice AND serving as District Attorney, in true Hamilton fashion. He and his younger brother Philip were both involved in the trial of Charles Gibbs. Hamilton left in 1834 to return to his private practice, and now we don't need to talk about Shitty Diaper Andrew Jackson anymore.
He uh. Won the first America's Cup (previously the Royal Yacht Squadron Cup) in 1851. So that's. fun. Queen Victoria also congratulated him on winning so. I guess the Hamilton's just know everyone.
James and AJ served as vestrymen of the Zion Protestant Episcopal Church from 1843 to 1853, and got a little plaque in 1953 and all the years end in 3's. Both were members of the Board of Directors of the Association for the Exhibition of the Industry of All Nations - the Crystal Palace Exhibition in 1853 and that name gives me indigestion.
On March 6, 1862, James chaired and addressed a meeting at Cooper Union in favor of emancipation. And met fucking. Abraham. Lincoln. Lincoln also asked him to draft a proclamation, and when he returned, he had already issued the Emancipation Proclamation. So sux 2 suc.
James published his memoirs in 1868, which end in 1866, including his trips to Europe, the 1848 revolutions and the Civil War. He stated his intent to "do justice" to his father, and published several pamphlets defending him. (The Public Debt and the Public Credit of the United States and Martin Van Buren's Calumnies Repudiated: Hamilton's Conduct as Secretary of the Treasury Vindicated)
James Alexander died on September 24, 1878 at 90, and was buried at Sleepy Hollow Cemetery, Tarrytown, New York. His home was remodeled in 1889 by Stanford White. In 1934, it was donated to Columbia University where it now serves as one of the largest arboretums in the country.
JOHN CHURCH
Johnny C was born on August 22, 1792. He wrote a lot about his dad, and here’s one thing he wrote about the duel which literally stabs my heart out of my chest and rips it apart. 
“I recall a single incident about it with full clearness... The day before the duel I was sitting in a room, when, at a slight noise, I turned around and saw my father in the doorway, standing silently there and looking at me with a most sweet and beautiful expression of countenance. It was full of tenderness, and without any of the business pre-occupation he sometimes had. ‘John,’ he said, when I had discovered him. ‘won’t you come and sleep with me to-night?’ His voice was frank as if he had been my brother instead of my father. That night I went to his bed, and in the morning very early he awakened me, and taking my hands in his palms all four hand extended, he said and told me to repeat the Lord’s Prayer. Seventy-five years have since passed over my head, and I have forgotten many things, but not that tender expression when he stood looking at me in the door nor the prayer we made together the morning before the duel. I do not so well recollect seeing him lie upon his deathbed, though I was there.”
In 1809, JC graduated from Colombia University and then studied law. He began serving in the army during the War of 1812, eventually becoming second lieutenant. He served as an aide-de-camp to Major General William Henry Harrison. However, he retired without seeing battle in June 1814.
According to his obituary, “He did not apply himself to the practice of law... having strong literary tastes, [Johnny C.] devoted himself to the study of history, with a view to writing his father’s life.”
Between 1834 and 1840, he went through his father’s letters and papers, and wrote a two-volume biography called The Life of Alexander Hamilton which was published in 1840-1841. Unfortunately, nearly all the copies were destroyed in a fire during the process of binding. 
He edited his father’s collected writings under the authority of the Joint Library Committee of the United States Congress and took out the gay porn, publishing The Works of Alexander Hamilton: Containing his Correspondence, and His Political and Official Writings, Exclusive of the Federalist, Civil and Military in 1850-1851. He also wrote a seven volume biography, published between 1857 and 1869 called Life of Alexander Hamilton: A History of the Republic of the United States of America. This combined a biography of Hamilton and a history of the US “as traced in his writings and in those of his contemporaries”. He worked closely with his mother in the preservation of this history, and she encouraged him to write the comprehensive biography.
Also in 1869, he published an edition of The Federalist with historical notes and commentary, and I want it.
JC was a member of the Whig Party, later Republican, but never held office. He lost a run for Congress to represent part of NYC. Also, both Ulysses S. Grant and Chester A. Arthur asked him for his opinions on economics so that’s pretty rad. 
In 1880, he presented a statue of Alexander Hamilton to the city “though preferring it were the act of others”. On November 22, 1880, at the unveiling in Central Park near the Metropolitan Museum of Art, he said that after a century of the nation’s existence, time had shown “the utility of [AH’s] public services and the lessons of polity” and that he trusted “that this memorial may aid in their being recalled and usefully appreciated.”
Throughout his life, John Church married Maria Eliza van den Heuvel, and together they had FOURTEEN CHILDREN. so here’s a list of their kids that I didn’t write lol.
General Alexander Hamilton (1815–1907), a major general in the Civil War, author of Dramas and Poems (1887).
Maria Williamson Hamilton (1817-1822), who died young
Charlotte Augusta Hamilton (1819–1896)
John Cornelius Adrian Hamilton (1820–1879)
Schuyler Hamilton (1822–1903), who served in the Mexican War
James Hamilton (1824-1825), who died young
Maria Eliza Hamilton (1825–1887), who married Judge Charles A. Peabody (1814–1901)
Charles Apthorp Hamilton (July 23, 1826 – November 29, 1901), was educated in New York, England, and Germany. After clerking for a New York law firm, he practiced law in Wisconsin. He enlisted in the Wisconsin Volunteer Infantry at the start of the Civil War in 1861, reaching the rank of lieutenant colonel. A severe battle injury to both legs compelled his resignation in March 1863, and he returned to practicing law. In 1881, he was elected judge of the circuit court for Milwaukee.
Robert P. Hamilton (1828–1891)
Adelaide Hamilton (1830–1915)
Elizabeth Hamilton (1831–1884), who first married Henry Wager Halleck in 1855 and after his death, married George Washington Cullum in 1875.
William Gaston Hamilton (1832–1913), a consulting engineer of the Pennsylvania Railroad Company
Laurens Hamilton (1834 – July 6, 1858), an 1854 graduate of Columbia College, who died at the age of 23. He had served for one year as a private in the Seventh Regiment of New York, and drowned accidentally while serving as part of a military escort aboard a ship returning the remains of President James Monroe to Richmond, Virginia.
Alice Hamilton (September 11, 1838 – September 15, 1905)
Shout out to Laurens Hamilton for accidentally drowning, really taking after his grandfather.
John Church died on July 24, 1882 at 89 Stockton Cottage, on Ocean Avenue in Long Branch, New Jersey due to jaundice and catarrh. His funeral was held at Trinity Church.
William Stephen Hamilton
For the sake of my own entertainment, I will be calling this man Stinky bc he probably smells like my dad (shout out to my dad for having the worst genetics). So Stinky was born on August 4, 1797. He entered the United States Military Academy in 1814, then resigned in 1817. 
He moved to Illinois, living in Sangamon, Springfield and Peoria, then in 1827, moved to the lead mining region around the Fever River. 
He was elected to the Illinois House of Representatives from Sangamon County in 1824. He sponsored a bill that imposed a statewide tax intended to fund road repair and maintenance, proportional to property value, to be paid in labor or money. The bill passed, but was met with opposition, and was repealed in the next legislature.
Stinky served as an aide-de-camp to Governor Edward Coles, and worked for the General Land Office as Deputy Surveyor of Public Lands. He was also an incorporator of the original Illinois and Michigan Canal Company. 
In 1827, he served during the Winnebago War in the Illinois Militia as a captain. He commanded the Galena Mounted Volunteers under the command of Henry Dodge. 
After the Winnebago War, he moved to the Wisconsin Territory and established Hamilton’s Diggings, later Wiota in 1827. It was later turned into a fort during the Black Hawk War, entitled Fort Hamilton. Juliette Kinzie described the conditions in 1831 as “shabby” and “unpromising.” She also described the foul language used by the miners, the “roughest-looking set of men i ever beheld.” Theodore Rodolf contrasted the settlement’s rough exterior with small, finer details in 1834. He particularly liked the fact that Stinky had the writings of Voltaire at Hamilton’s Diggings.
Elizabeth Hamilton visited her son at Hamilton’s Diggings during the winter of 1837-38. During this time, Stinky also owned the Mineral Point Miner’s Free Press, before he sold it to a group from Galena, and it became the Galena Democrat. 
Stinky volunteered in the militia again during the 1832 Black Hawk War. He was often in charge of the militia’s indigenous allies, including many Sioux and Menominee. He was sent to the Michigan Territory to recruit more indigenous allies, leaving successfully with several more parties.
In 1842 and 43, Stinky served as an elected member of the Wisconsin Territorial Assembly, from Iowa County. He lost an 1843 election for Wisconsin Territory delegate to the US Congress. In 1848, he lost another election for the Wisconsin Constitutional Convention. He was generally unable to achieve political fame. 
Gold was discovered in California in 1848, and Stinky was there by 49. However, this would prove a disappointment and he later regretted the move. He told a friend he would “rather have been hung in the ‘Lead Mines’ than to have lived in this miserable hole.” This seems to be an accurate description of California. 
Stinky never married and presented a rough, garish appearance. Which, good. Fuck beauty standards. 
Stinky was ill with dysentery and “mountain fever”, which was likely cholera, for two weeks before he died from “malarial fever resulting in spinal exhaustion terminating in paralysis superinduced by great bodily and mental strain.” He died in Sacramento, California on October 9, 1850 at 53, and was buried in Sacramento Historic City Cemetery, in a section named Hamilton Square. RIP Stinky, the real MVP.
Eliza Holly!
Eliza was born on November 20, 1799. You can tell her apart from her mother because Eliza is her full name, and Elizabeth is her mother’s. She was a sick infant, and Alexander frequently worried about her. He was staying with the children without Elizabeth once, and he wrote, “Eliza pouts and plays, and displays more and more her ample stock of Caprice.” Eliza did not attend Hamilton’s funeral, but saw him with the rest of the kids on his deathbed.
She married Sidney Augustus Holly on July 19, 1825. He was a merchant from a prominent family in business and local government. They lived at The Grange (not James Alexander’s), and remained close with Elizabeth for her entire life, who described Eliza as being like her father.
“You don’t know how important you are to me. You step in the steps of your father’s kindness, and the more you are with me, the more I see that you are like him.” -Elizabeth Hamilton to Eliza Holly
She moved in with Elizabeth in East Village, Manhattan at 4 St. Mark’s Place along with AJ and his wife. 
Her husband died on June 26, 1842 and moved in with her mother to 63 Prince Street in Lower Manhattan. This was previously the house of jAmES mONrOe and Samuel L. Gouverneur.  She and her mother also moved together to Washington D.C. where they lived near the White House on H street and entertained many guests. Eliza continued to care for her mother until her death in 1854. 
Eliza potentially influenced or expedited the creation of John Church’s biography of their father, and chastised him for his overdue writing. 
Eliza died in Washington D.C. on October 17, 1859, and was buried in Westchester County, New York, at Sleepy Hollow Cemetery with Angelica and later James Alexander. 
Philip Hamilton (the Second) “Little Phil”
Little Phil was born in New York on June 1 or 2 in 1802. According to his son, Phil “manifested much of his father’s sweetness and happy disposition, and was always notably considerate of the feelings of others, and was punctilious to a fault in his obligations.” He was also almost six feet tall. Idk how.
Because of the poverty that afflicted his family after his father’s death, Phil “was denied those advantages accorded to his elder brothers, and had, in every sense, to make his own way.”
Phil practiced law in New York, and served as an assistant United States Attorney during the 1830s under James Alexander. He achieved notable success as a prosecutor in the case of pirate Charles Gibbs.
Phil moved to San Francisco during the Gold Rush in 1851 to practice law as a partner of his brother-in-law Robert Milligan McLane. He returned to New York after one or two years. 
He assisted the Underground Railroad in helping enslaved people escape at least once by concealing them in his cellar until they could resume their travel to Canada.
At the end of the Civil War, Hamilton served as Judge Advocate of the naval Retiring Board at the Brooklyn Navy Yard, and “led a quiet life” after 1865. He characterized his career as a “hard, up-hill professional life” working with a “very great” number of the poor and most of his time was “given up to unselfish acts”.
He married Rebecca McLane, who died on April 1, 1893, and they had two sons together, Louis McLane Hamilton (1844-1868) and Allan McLane Hamilton FRSE (1848-1919). 
Louis served in the US Army during the Civil War. He enlisted as a private in the 22nd New York Militia in June 1862, then the 3rd US Infantry as second lieutenant in September 1863. He served with the Army of the Potomac, and was brevetted twice fer gallantry, including the Battle of Gettysburg. In July 1866, he became a Captain in the 7th US Cavalry. On November 27, 1868, he was killed in the Battle of Washita River, being posthumously brevetted to the rank of Major.
Allan was a psychiatrist and a Fellow of the Royal Society of Edinburgh. His books included a biography of his grandfather, The Intimate Life of Alexander Hamilton. 
Little Phil died “comparatively poor” on July 9, 1884 in Poughkeepsie, New York.
@thereallvrb0y-deactivated42069
And that is all the Hamilton kids. This post put me through the five stages of grief. I’ll include my sources now, and sob my eyes out bc existence is pain. I hope you enjoyed, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask!! i’m doing my best to get content out so I will try not to take multiple months to post again HSKSKFHLS love you all <333 (f in the chat for stinky)
https://peoplepill.com/people/alexander-hamilton-10
https://networthheightsalary.com/angelica-hamilton-bio-facts-about-elizabeth-schuyler-hamilton-s-daughter/
https://archive.org/details/reminiscencesofj00lchami
https://www.mountvernon.org/library/digitalhistory/digital-encyclopedia/article/james-alexander-hamilton-1788-1878/
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nolanhattrick · 7 months
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i told my friend i was going to keep track of how i felt when starting auvelity since she's been on ketamine for a year and is thinking about switching so i think i'm just gonna make a tag
i just took my first dose. literally two minutes ago. i told myself i wasn't gonna google anything or read the insert, because i always do that and i always psych myself out or invent side effects that aren't there. i did both anyway. i found a positive study and sent it to my med student friend, and i read the insert to make sure i could take it with/out food.
apparently, it causes birth defects. severe birth defects. there is a registry of people that are on auvelity to ensure that you don't have children while on it so that the company that produces it can't get sued.
i know that, like, being mentally ill comes with life side effects or whatever. it's expensive to be mentally ill. it takes time out of your day and it fucks with your social life and it gives you a window into a different side of life that a lot of people might not understand. most of my ""normal"" friends don't respond in ways that i deem "acceptable" when i talk about mental illness. i'll talk about trauma or my symptoms or discrimination and they always approach it through a lens of injustice or solutionism when sometimes i really just want validation or empathy.
there is no empathy when it comes to chemicals. i can't have children while on auvelity. that's just a fact. i cannot get pregnant on this drug. this drug that my psychiatrist basically touted as a miracle cure. and listen, i love her, she's a little insane, i consider her a friend that also gives me drugs. but i feel like... i feel like i shouldn't have to choose.
for a long time i didn't want kids. vehemently hated the idea. rejected the notion that i'd ever change my mind. but now i can't see my life without them. maybe it's the mid twenties baby fever, maybe it's the stage the rest of the locals in my age range are at, but holy shit man. jay brain says i needed to be pregnant, like, yesterday. and to know that that's not an option? maybe anymore, maybe forever, maybe not until my reproductive organs are shot to hell?
because no one's 100% sure what testosterone does to the uterus and ovaries. especially not to the "not 100% perisex uterus and ovaries". like, i have fucked up anatomy as it is. my mom wasn't able to get pregnant for seven years after she had me. i've miscarried once already. the amount of unprotected sex i've had in my life shows that i am not an easy target to hit. but it's like... the delusion was nice to live inside of, you know? there are so many seahorse dads out there. SO many dads have given birth. i at least wanted the option ykwim?
anyway. my stomach hurts and i'm tired. gonna edit a little bit more of sincerity is scary and finish the leafs game before i go to bed. we won 7-3 against the rangers at MSG tonight but i'm replaying it anyway since i was at work
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ecoamerica · 3 months
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youtube
Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared
The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!
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flapperwitch · 1 year
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Hey, hope youre doing good. Ive followed you for a bit and i know youve spoken before about living with endo and chronic pain. For the past 6 months ive been dealing with a shit ton of pain, cramping and i just had a cramp tonight that was super scary. Got super sweaty, shaking and such. Theyre still trying to diagnose me but my gyno doctor thinks its endo. Just wondering if youd feel comfortable sharing your story and such, 100% understand if you would rather not and i hope this isnt an invasive ask. Im just feeling very isolated and alienated with this pain. Thanks for taking the time to read this and i hope youre doing well!
Hi! This is not intrusive at all, and I'm sorry for not answering this sooner. Life is very weird.
I'm so sorry that you feel isolated but I completely understand why you do. You're in bed, in pain or asleep, so often. No one can see the agony your body is feeling. More than anything I want you to know that you're not overreacting. You're not crazy, you're not weak. I've passed out from pain before. It's no joke. The short version of my story is that like most others, it took years for me to get a diagnosis. And I wasn't hiding anything. Doctors thought my fatigue and pain was being exaggerated by my depression, but in reality I was depressed because I was so sore and tired and couldn't figure out why. Therapy and meds weren't doing anything. One time a nurse practioner told me that even though I tested negative for a UTI and even though I didn't have any of the symptoms, that had to be what my problem was. She gave me antibiotics and sent me home. Another time I was telling my then OBGYN that I was always tired and in so much pain and asked if there was anything else we could do and he smiled and said "Nope!" Mother fucker smiled at me and my pain. It wasn't until I sat for hours in an emergency room (because the hospital near me wouldn't let me admit myself or see a doctor right away) that my dad called me and convinced me to go home, told me he believed me, and that we'd figure it out together. I then went to see a colleague of my OBGYN and right away she knew that something was wrong. She did go on to say she thought I had endo, and we set up surgery. But the way she presented it, endometriosis was a blip, a pain that could be fixed with surgery, and then cured. It wasn't until after and I continued to do my own research that I learned it was a lifetime diagnosis.
Invisible illnesses suck. No one can see just how shitty you feel. And when you feel shitty and tired, you can't see people as much, so you end up spending so much of your time alone in bed with your heating pad and pain meds. Luckily se live in the age of the internet. Find online communities. I personally am in two endometriosis groups on Facebook, one is support, one is all jokes and memes. It's great when you can joke with people experiencing the exact same thing. Also make more plans virtual. I love doing virtual movie nights with friends, and you can screenshare through hyperbeam or discord. Also, treat yo self. Some days when I feel my internal organs being glued together by this dumb disease, I make myself toast with cookie butter and a banana and pour myself a cup of milk, and just that simple meal makes me feel better for a bit.
Always feel free to come ask me about endo and chronic pain. Chronic illness survivors gotta look out for each other 💜 You got this
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kickingthehornetsnest · 5 months
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KTHN - Prevention
Let's hope you're still in 'Stage One'. For context, I like to sort the... 'eras' of our  ██████████ sickness as Stages, like one would categorize grief, sheerly due to the number of parallels! Lot's of grammar and spelling this time around folks! Proximity's got me wonky, even now that I managed to put a fair bit of space between us but that was two days worth of walking to manage that. so uh, sorry? I guess? Anyways, Stage One of....??? is categorized quite easily by it's simplicity. You still have a normal life, things have just been "weird". You saw something off, not necessarily upsetting or direct, just... something not 'normal' and for one reason or another that 'something' is now stuck in your head and no matter what you do it seems to be everywhere. You have very little to absolutely no clue what 'it' is or why it might be reoccuring and that's good.
Because that means you still have time to undo what you've started. In a few simple steps, here is my best advice. One, immerse yourself in the public. In your friends, family, anything social. Need insentive? Fuck it, Family Bowling Night's a thing now! Why? Dr. Lyle said so. Just... trust me. Two, keep yourself busy to the point that whatever it is, is constantly pushed from your mind and you simply can't think about it. Try intensive college courses, lots of long work hours, many hobbies that occupy the brain. In tandem with One, Three is simple. NEVER Be Left Alone For Long. No hiking into the woods, no Urben Ex, No SCP document reading, no spooky story videos late at night, no playing spooky game at 3 am alone in a dark room, and this might seem obvious but, Demon Summoning is now off the table. You live alone? Not in this economy! Get a roommate, no scratch that- get like 5. Need friends? Pick a hobby, go find people at local places like Libraries, and community centers who like the same things. Call your Mom, Dad, Grandparents, Aunt, Uncle, Cousins, Guardian, Siblings, ANYONE you can. Hell, move back in with that family, or move in with them if that's what it takes. Being alone leads to Paranoia, which as we will discuss when addressing your symptoms is your greatest adversary in the oncoming storm that we're trying to steer you out of the way of. 4. Get a therapist. no. I'm not joking. You're a guy? that's not manly? I'm a guy. I'm in therapy. Your argument is now invalid, L plus Ratio. or whatever. Get a therapist, a psychologist if your insurance allows it, get some meds on board. Antidepressants, Anxiety meds, whatever you might personally need to help managed the first noticeable symptoms. Don't worry, if you're this early in your biggest worries symptom-wise should be merely: Coughing, Nightmares, some slight anxieties (more then normal but not severe), and maybe a few slightest audio, visual, or both, hallucinations. But these can be remedied by my above advice. Last and most importantly, I cannot stress this enough. I may not entirely have 'evidence' to prove this point, but rather consistently I have found in my own experience and that of those who came before (I will link them in REF's, don't worry.) the easiest, most consistent cure, when this early in, especially when paired with all I've said before this point... is Dopamine. No I'm not joking, stop laughing. It seems stupidly simple to those too far in, and it will be the greatest tool to those who are "in too deep" to help manage this ... illness. Favorite foods, Music you like, games that distract you and bring you joy, absorb your attention and drain your time away. Movies from your childhood, talking to a friend, spending time with a partner, (especially that one if you've got one.) all of these seemingly innocuous things can ground you and remind you that you are present, and you are safe. that sounds like therapy talk and I'm so sorry, but that's because it's just generally good advice for all people. Be happy, be whatever your personal healthy may look like, but most importantly be safe.
also... if you're further along then this stage?? Refer to my other posts, Pick a god, and start praying. lol. That's all I got for tonight, more posts will be coming soon!
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sayhikatie · 2 years
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I have a lot to be thankful for this year despite the challenges it brought.
My mom's brother is cured of Lyme's disease after terrifying five days in Cleveland Clinic where they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. We thought his multiple sclerosis was robbing him of his ability to speak, remember, and etc. However, it turned out to be from a tick he found and didn't seek medical help for the previous year. He was rushed in an ambulance with fluid on the brain. He is back at work and his MS symptoms have slightly improved in a few ways.
My dad finally found a good job that he likes after walking out of several jobs.
My mom is finally taking medication after five years and two psychotic breaks. She is also in therapy again and this time the therapist actually takes time to talk to her.
My paternal grandfather is recovering from esophageal cancer and also nearly having kidney failure from chemotherapy.
My dad's brother was able to switch swifts so that he can have his kindergarten age son at home now for school, giving my paternal grandparents a break during my grandpa's cancer scare. My little cousin had been living with our grandparents for two and a half years since his mother died of cancer. I think it is best for my cousin to be with his dad because he gets to go more places and be around kids and other people who are a lot younger.
My first cousin who is 30 (from my mom's brother) seems to be calming down now with his mental illness issues and getting in trouble with the law. He has not overdosed, gotten arrested, or gotten kicked out of the house in several years.
As for me, I'm doing a lot better financially and with my mental health. I still struggle but am no longer the constantly exhausted and burned out mess I was for most of my years at my job. I will have my car loan paid off by the beginning of next year and am going to have nearly 12k forgiven in student loans. I will be searching for house most likely in spring.
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lilythrowbacks · 2 years
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1 years ago Lily via Instagram (November 3, 2021)
“ I wanted to share these family photos of my Uncle Bruce.
He passed away in 2006, at 49 years old, from Motor Neurone Disease. He experienced the first symptom 5 years earlier, unable to reach the 13th note on the keyboard he loved to play. It took nearly a year to diagnose. He was brilliant in every way... he read to us from the dictionary, insisted we should always chew each mouthful of food 12 times and that food was to be enjoyed, even if that meant throwing spaghetti at the wall. He taught me how to salsa, swinging me around in his arms. He was my dads brother. And I will always love and miss them both.
Somehow, even when he lost all ability to move and talk, he still communicated with us through the twinkle in his eyes. His courage and resilience could never be put into words.
Tomorrow I am joining Jay on @thevirtualpubquiz to raise money and awareness for MND. @mndassoc This money will go towards improving access to care, research, and campaigning for people affected by motor neurone disease now.
There is no cure. This needs to change.
So many people have reached out to me with their stories of family members they have lost, or who are living with the disease now. 💙
Once you start asking, you realise how many people are effected by this illness. I really hope you can join me for the quiz!! 💙
And if you are able please donate whatever you can, big or small, to this very worthy cause. Thank you SO much for reading. xxx
4th November
8pm GMT
YOUTUBE
JUST GIVING PAGE - in my bio
Or Text LILY to 70560 to donate £10
YouTube link to join the quiz for free at @thevirtualpubquiz
#mnd #als #mndassociation”
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tricktster · 2 years
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cw: illness/hospital/vomit mention
So super-longterm followers know I started this blog seven years ago after coming down with a mysterious hyperemetic condition that landed me in the hospital for a month. After seven years of no repeat symptoms, I figured I was in the clear, but uh WELP. Seven years to the fucking day, it came back, though thankfully it only took me out for a week and change this time. I can’t really remember any of it this time, I was either asleep or sick or both, so honestly less traumatic, all things broadly considered???
I’m a few days out of the hospital and the brain fog has finally FINALLY lifted enough that i’m not in a state of bewildered confusion, but my sleep schedule is fucked to high heaven, so I’ve been up since about 4 am. I tried to go back to bed but I was cramping up something fierce as I’m still trying to get my missing nutrients back in the ol’ muscles (pro tip: avoid acquiring any condition that makes it impossible to eat or drink for a week +) so I toddled downstairs for an electrolyte drink and a banana, and my dad - still on high alert for this whole fucked up undiagnosed random thing happen to his kid again, came down a few minutes later to make sure i was okay. Which I was. But that left both of us with the quandary of what the fuck to do with ourselves for the next few hours, and we landed on a totally normal thing, i.e. “guess the tv personality based solely on the other person’s sketch of their teeth.”
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Honestly, we both figured these out shockingly fast. But then we just had these two 8.5/11 sheets of incredibly sinister drawings of very minor celebrity teeth.
“…What… what do we do with these?” Dad asked me.
I considered the matter judiciously.
“Let’s uh… let’s just fold them up and put them in mom’s wallet and not say anything.” I decided. And y’all, the GLEE in that man’s eyes from that decision could have cured me on its own.
Cannot WAIT for the payoff on this one, boys.
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softrozene · 3 years
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Sacrifice
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@luna-hatake-uchiha​ requested: Hi. First of all, I want to wish you a happy new year. I read on Archiv of your Own that your request box is open... Soo could you please write a scenario where Law and his s/o are having a daughter and after a few years their daughter shows symptoms of the Amber Lead poisoning? And Law doing everything he can to heal her? (This is my first time doing this and I'm sorry if I sound rude somewhere.)
You were perfect in requesting Hon! Apologies for how late this is (I hope you had a good start to the new year!) but omg- That would be so heartbreaking ahhhhh. This came out pretty angsty but I tried to give it a neutral ending! I hope you enjoy it!
This turned into a one-shot oops.
Trafalgar Law x Female Reader
Warnings: Fluff/Angst- Spoilers of Law’s past. Can be considered a good or sad ending! Uhh Post-Pirating au? Law is retired from the pirate life lol, grammar
*Instead of 2nd pov I wrote this in 3rd pov for a change. : )
Also, yeah- I am pretty sure that Law would be able to cure his daughter of this because of his Devil Fruit and it’s “Miraculous” abilities but I went for the more angsty side, so I made it more complicated than that lol. I just love the idea of protective dad Law.
Words: 1983
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The smell of coffee is usually a scent that brings the pregnant woman, (Name), a comfort since that means she can sneak a sip from her husband’s cup but right now… It is too early for coffee. He should be in bed with her, but the sun is not even up. With exhaustion evident on her face and the goal of finding Law and bringing him back to bed- She regretfully leaves the warm bed.
The house they have is a decent-sized home. Two bedrooms- The one they share together, and the guest room, a nursery that Law and (Name) have been working on and of course, Law’s office to store his medical books and journals, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a small cozy living room.
It felt like bliss living here.
Even more so with the bun in the oven. Law was in shock when he realized his wife was indeed pregnant, but it made the joy of retiring from piracy to enjoy a domestic life with her all the better. It most certainly eases his thoughts that most of his crew also retired here on this peaceful island.
Things could not have turned out more perfect for them.
Though… That was about to change as (Name) walks into his office- The light from it leaking out into the hallway. The smell of coffee gets stronger, and she smiles upon seeing how serious her husband is looking through some of his books.
No matter what he is doing, he looks so handsome.
Something he got used to arguing with her saying how she is crazy for thinking his eyebags are attractive. It was all jokes sure but (Name) was serious and proud to say he was handsome. His personality definitely that too. She can rely on him and him on her and that is something hard to do for the both of them.
Law is too in the zone in the book so (Name) uses that to her advantage. She sneaks up behind him and is quick to wrap her arms around his neck, planting a kiss on his cheek. His tense body immediately relaxes within her hold and he turns to offer her a tired smile.
“Did I wake you?” He asks softly as a hand comes up to meet her swollen belly.
(Name) laughs and holds his hand to her stomach. “Yes, but it is fine. I just got cold without your warmth. That and the beautiful smell of coffee. I think our daughter wants a sip.”
Law’s face turns into a scolding one immediately making his wife laugh as she continues, “Hey! You said I could have some in moderation! I think a tiny sip is less than that and yes, I know we do not know if our child will be a girl, but I just have this feeling…”
Law sighs but… Then smiles as he just shakes his head. He gives in knowing full well that his wife’s point was mainly about getting her daily sip of coffee in. He pulls away from his wife’s loving hand to reach for his mug of coffee. Being careful of the still-hot contents in it. He hands it to her and watches as she smiles and takes her desired sip. Handing it back to him he puts it on the desk and immediately pulls the pregnant woman onto his lap earning himself a giggle from her.
“Anyway, what are you doing up, my love?” She asks as she nuzzles her face into his neck the best she can.
At this question, Law turns tense. His sigh comes out stressed as he hesitates to speak. He thinks it would be better now to share his concern, especially when it is such a valid one.
“I… Fear that our child may get Amber Lead Poising. It is a hereditary disease,” Law mumbles.
This makes his wife freeze up. She knows his pain with that. The fear of it. He must have been bottling it up until he just could not ignore the possibility. With a gentle sigh, (Name) places a tender kiss on his lips, momentarily distracting him from his painful thoughts.
“My love, please come back to bed. After a few more hours of sleep, you can come back in here… And no matter what happens with our child- I have faith that you will find a cure. Until then, try not to worry. Otherwise, you are going to send yourself into an early grave by putting all that stress on your heart,” (Name) says as a yawn escapes her.
Law can only smile now. She truly is his best friend. His other half. She knows how to ease his worries even if it is temporarily, but what she said… It also rings true. He vows to find a cure in the case that their child will get that stupid disease.
~*~
The rest of the pregnancy goes by quickly and as soon as the baby, a girl, is in their arms it feels like total bliss for them. It is everything they never imagined having but makes their lives totally complete. Her middle name is in memory of Law’s younger sister. The full name being Trafalgar Lami Lin.
“She looks like you already- Look at those wide (eye color) eyes,” Law says with a gentle smile on his face.
He never imagined he could allow himself to be this soft and vulnerable. To share it with (Name). His wife laughs as she leans against his arm as he holds their little girl in his arms. Both (Name) and the baby are exhausted.
“Thank the gods she does not look like a mini sleep-deprived version of you. Well, if she takes my looks, I only hope she gains your intelligence,” (Name) jokes.
Law smirks at the playful tone and as if he remembers sighs- “I forgot to tell you. What is left of the crew will be coming here tomorrow. They were even more excited than us combined.”
“Looks like we got a couple of free babysitters… I trust Bepo with her. Sachi and Penguin might drop her.”
Law sweatdrops at this and wishes he could argue back but… His wife is right. He makes a mental note to have Bepo be their go-to babysitter.
~*~
Days pass by fast when you feel joy and they pass even faster when you feel like the world suddenly has a time limit on it. Law promised his wife to enjoy the days with them and he did, but he spent countless nights trying to find a cure- Getting so close to finding something that can help in the case his daughter gets the disease.
The baby grows quickly into a child, but it was the age of five when Law realizes that she has those stupid white spots on her skin- Meaning she has Amber Lead Poisoning. He felt like he was suffocating. She was not supposed to get it. He paid his dues during his piracy. His loss of Rosinante. His loss of family. He paid whatever the hell life thought he owed it, so she was supposed to be in the clear.
She was not.
He knows that is just wishful thinking. His whole family got it and Amber Lead is a hereditary disease. He was supposed to die at age thirteen. He did not all because he ate a fruit thanks to Rosinante. Just because he ate a fruit and cured himself does not mean he could actually cure Amber Lead with his fruit.
He could try and cure Lin as he did himself. Using the fruit’s "miraculous" properties which is having the ability to cure any kind of illness. However, this requires some extent of medical knowledge in order to be utilized effectively. He has that knowledge, but he does not have the full knowledge to cure others of this disease. He cured himself because he ate the fruit.
He needs a real cure. One to ensure that this disease does not follow into the genes anymore. He wants to ensure that if his daughter wants a family of her own- If she makes it to that age, he wants her to be able to not have to think about her own children having the disease.
He estimated she would only have a few years left. Until those white spots grow big enough to almost devour her. His blissful life turned into a nightmare for him. He always could not stand the thought of losing (Name) and the feeling was deeper with their daughter Lin since she was only a child.
She deserved a long and happy life.
He was going to sacrifice his time to ensure that.
It was during one of these nights when he cursed out life for being cruel that Law had an epiphany. Something in his research began to make sense for a cure- It was uncertain, but it was something and it was this night that his wife was woken up when he got up out of excitement to begin writing on a large board he put together. He accidentally dropped a book nothing too alarming, so he was surprised to see his wife checking on him.
Her large eyes watching the board- Trying to decipher his valid obsession of finding a cure. He could not contain his excitement as he pauses briefly to place a kiss on his wife’s lips.
“Whoa. You are super cheery for once,” She notes.
Law can only smile. “I think I am close to finding something. A cure. It would still be a while before I have something solid but… This is it. It has to be it.”
Hearing this fills (Name) up with excitement too. Only to see Law experience a crash. He is at his limit for tonight since he spent all day shopping with his daughter and wife to go to Penguin’s birthday (definitely an alcohol) party. He should be totally spent after today.
(Name) only hugs him feeling his body immediately relax into hers and he freezes upon remembering something. Pulling back slightly he looks at his darling wife and places a kiss on her forehead.
“Hey… I do need to tell you something. If this lead goes nowhere. I am going to use the Ope Ope no Mi fruit on her,” Law states.
(Name) freezes in his grip. Understanding these words. That means he is going to sacrifice his life for their daughter if he can’t make a cure. He is willing to use the fruit’s powers for what others have wanted it for. Immortality.
He is willing to grant their daughter “eternal youth” if it means she can experience life without the disease affecting her.
His mind is dead set on that backup plan so all (Name) Can do is nod. He smiles at her though as to reassure her.
“That is just a backup plan. We still have a few years left but as of now, I do believe it is time to get in contact with that crazy pirate- Luffy. I need him to bring Chopper here. With Chopper’s help this should work,” Law murmurs more to himself.
He is exhausted.
“Alright Love- I will go get in contact with them. I will send a letter. Though… I think you should head to bed. You did well. You are such a good father,” (Name) murmurs.
Hearing this… Law really feels like he might break. All of these restless nights are going to be worth something. He is going to do what his dad almost did for his younger sister. He will cure his daughter and be able to watch her grow.
“Law… You are getting my hair wet with your snot and tears.”
“Shut up,” He mumbles as he holds his partner.
She laughs and the two stay like that- Content that there is hope for their daughter.
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choicesfanaf · 2 years
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Someone I Can Trust
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Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Arundhati Kulkarni)
Characters: Ethan Ramsey, Arundhati Kulkarni, Naveen Banerji, Alan Ramsey
Word Count: 792 words
Rating: General
Summary: After Naveen's untimely death, Ethan receives support from an intern.
Category: Angst
Tagging: @jamespotterthefirst, @rookiemartin, @choicesficwriterscreations, @openheartfanfics
Ethan and Arundhati were unable to find a cure for Naveen's illness. They couldn't figure out no matter how much they researched his symptoms and found suitable treatments. After Naveen's retirement, Ethan visited him every week, often with Alan & Aru in tow. They sometimes spent an entire day at Naveen's farmhouse, enjoying with him, fully knowing that they might have to bid goodbye to him anytime soon.
One such weekend, Aru didn't accompany them as she was out with her friends on a day trip. Ethan phoned Naveen, as usual, to let him know that they would be joining him soon for lunch. Surprisingly, Naveen didn't pick up the call, which Ethan found slightly alarming. Usually, Naveen was the person who generally picked up calls on the first ring.
Ethan thought that he was busy doing something around the house. Therefore, he tried to call Naveen twice more, but to no avail.
When they reached Naveen's farmhouse, they found Naveen in the backyard, breathing heavily. 
"Ethan, old friend, you have arrived at the right time," he said, pausing between breaths. 
"Naveen, what happened to you all of a sudden?" Alan asked, the concern evident in his voice. 
Without waiting for an answer from Naveen, Ethan said, "Dad, help me take Naveen into the car to the nearest hospital."
"Ethan, dear, don't worry about me right now. I'll die before you even make it to the hospital. I feel much lighter than before. My pain is completely gone. Dear child, take care of yourself, along with Arundhati & Alan. The end is near, my friend. I can clearly see it. Goodbye."
"Naveen, no, please don't do this to me. Please don't leave me like this", he pleaded, helplessly. Ethan couldn't handle Naveen's death at all. He was shaken to believe what had just happened to his mentor, his dear friend of many wonderful years.
Alan was completely speechless. He couldn't fathom what had just happened to his good friend, the friend with whom he had spent many happy years.
The ride home was eerily silent. Both the father and son were processing what had just happened right in front of them. As much as Ethan tried to focus on the road, he kept thinking about Naveen.
"Son, you need a lot of time to process what just happened. Let's go home and have some time to ourselves."
"I'm sorry dad, but I want to have the place to myself for a while."
"That's completely understandable, Ethan. I'm going downstairs for a walk, don't hesitate to call me if you need anything", Alan said.
"Thanks a lot for being here, dad. You don't need to worry about it, though. I think I will be better soon", replied Ethan, even though they both knew it wasn't true. He was glad that he did not have to look weak in front of his father.
Ethan couldn't handle his rage. He couldn't save his mentor, the man who had taught him everything. He had immensely disappointed Naveen, one of the only few people he cared about. 
The first person who came to his mind was Arundhati. As one of the only people who knew about Naveen's secret, she deserved to know about his unfortunate and untimely death.
Arundhati was surprised to see Ethan's call at 2 am in the morning, an unusual hour. 
"What's wrong, Ethan? Are you okay? Is everyone alright? Is there an emergency?" she asked, some worry noticeable in her voice. 
"Aru, Naveen died in the morning," he said, his voice shaking.
"What! How?! Ethan, why didn't you call me earlier?"
"I.... couldn't believe that actually happened. I was too shocked to process everything that happened. Could you please come here?"
"Alright, I'll be there soon," she said, to Ethan's relief.
Ethan saw Aru at his door and broke down, as he couldn't hold it in anymore. 
She first comforted him, talked him through his regret and remorse, and made him some coffee. Then, Aru brought him a blanket and put him to sleep.  
A few minutes later, when he was fast asleep, she thought it was best to leave. When she got up, she found out that Ethan had held her hand in his sleep.
As a result, she decided to stay there for a while, just in case Ethan woke up some time later.
When Aru woke up later, she realized that she had rested her head on his neck. She then snuck out slowly, without making any noise, and returned to her home before her sleeping roommates could notice anything.
Alan saw her leaving the building quietly. He hoped that she would be there for Ethan whenever he needed her. And his son would support her when she needed him.
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twoidiotwriters1 · 3 years
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Iron 10 (Peter Parker x Fem!Oc)
Words:  3, 238
Masterlist
Chapter 9
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"And how am I supposed to learn to control them if they forbid me to do anything?" Lily asks from the back seat.
“We’ll talk to your father. Depending on what happens, we’ll send them the necessary equipment,” informs Fury.
"Depending on what happens?"
"Legal aspects.”
"As which?"
"Lily, one problem at a time," Nat interrupts.
“Fine. Where are we going?"
"Do you want a donut?"
"Sure!"
The van pulls up outside the Randy’s Donuts store, Fury comes out. They both look at him from inside the car. Tony’s sitting on the huge donut.
"Why did we come for him?” She grits her teeth, remembering the annoyance towards her father.
"You two should talk," Nat says.
"I don’t want to.”
"If you want us to help you, that is the condition.”
Lily turns away from the window and folds her arms looking at the redhead.
"You didn't say anything about conditions.”
"Now there are.”
"It's not fair,” She sighs and then looks at Nat's outfit. "Why do you wear that? Is it your super spy uniform?"
 "Something like that. You like it?"
“You look weird, but I like it. Do you have weapons or explosives?"
“Perhaps."
The agent receives an order from her intercom. She responds and returns to the girl.
"Come on, I'll buy you a donut."
They both get out of the truck and enter the premises. Nat asks Lily a chocolate donut and walks to the chairs where Tony and Fury are, while the girl takes the donut from her and sits in an armchair away from them, with her back to them.
"Huh!" Tony says when he sees Natasha in a new outfit "You're... fired.”
"That's not up to you,” answers the redhead sitting down.
"Tony, I want you to meet Agent Romanoff,” adds Fury.
“Hi."
"I'm a S.H.I.E.L.D. shadow. Once we knew you were ill or out of control, I was tasted to you by Director Fury. Besides taking care of your daughter in risky situations,” She tilts her head towards Lily.
Tony frowns and looks away to meet the little girl, eating a donut while she swings her legs. He goes back to the redhead.
"I suggest you apologize,” answers Tony.
"You've been very busy," continues Fury. “You made your girl your CEO, you’re giving away your stuff, you neglect your daughter without taking into account the high priority over her powers, you let your friend fly way with your suit. Now, if I did’nt know better—”
 Tony rolls his eyes. Again, someone else scolding him for whatever stupid thing he does. Although he now knows that he did screw up, he doesn't want to hear it again. He has enough with his own mind.
"You don't know better. I didn’t give it to him. He took it."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, He took it?" asks Fury. “You’re Iron Man and he just took it? The Little brother walked in there, kicked your ass and took your suit?" He says. “Is that possible?"
“Well, according to Mr. Stark’s database security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage,” answers Nat.
Tony snorts.
"What do you want from me?"
“What do we want from you? Uh-uh,” Fury says as Natasha gets up. “What do you want from me? You have become a problem, a problem I have to deal with. Contrary to your belief, you are not the center of my universe,” He scolds him.
In that, Natasha injects something into Tony making him scream. The conversation is overheard by Lily, but only when he complains does she turn around.
"Oh, god, are you gonna steal my kidney and sell it?" Tony asks.
Natasha moves Tony's head and Fury sees the lines on Stark's neck slowly disappear.
Fury explains what the substance they just injected does to him.
“Give me a couple of boxes of that. I'll see right as rain."
"It's not a cure, it just abates the symptoms,” Nat explains.
"You need to get back to work, Stark," Fury says and Tony sighs. "And by Stark, I mean both," He points back.
Lily realizes that he sees her and turns away.
 "I don't think she wants to work as a team now."
“She has her reasons. You are a terrible companion.”
***
They all return home to Malibu. Tony and Nick sit on the terrace, now destroyed. They both talk about the reactor, the technology that Howard Stark couldn't finish, and about Vanko father and son.
Fury takes it upon himself to explain everything to Tony, while Lily returns from her room after making sure that no one had destroyed her. Nat had told him what happened with Rhodes and Tony.
The little girl walks to sit on the stairs that lead to the terrace, listening to the adults.
“You told me I hadn't tried everything. What do you mean I haven’t tried everything? What haven’t I tried?" Tony points out.
"He said that you were the only person with the means and knowledge to finish what he started.”
"He said that?"
“Are you that guy? Hmm? Are you? ‘Cause if you are, then you can solve the riddle of your heart. Or maybe, I should be discussing this with your daughter."
Tony winces and shakes his head. Lily frowns.
"I don't know where you get your information, but he wasn't my biggest fan," says Tony.
"I'm not either," adds Lily, resting her chin on her arm. Tony glances at her.
"What do you remember about your dad?"
This catches the girl's attention.
 “He was cold, he was calculating. He never told me he loved me. He never even told me he liked me, so it’s a Little tough for me to digest then you’re telling me he said the whole future was riding on me an’s passing it down. I don't get that."
Hearing that, Lily feels a little sorry for Tony. Only a little. She imagines how  could be her grandfather when Tony was her age.
"You're talking about a guy whose happiest day was when he shipped me off to boarding School.”
"That’s not true.”
"Well, then, clearly you knew my dad better than I did.”
“As a matter of fact, I did. You can believe and think many things about him, but knowing all that, do you really want Lily to think the same about you?" says Fury and then finishes his drink. More agents appear to drop off several suitcases. "Well then, what else will I know about one of the founding members of S.H.I.E.L.D.”
"What?"
All three get up. Lily walks over to see the suitcase.
"What’s this?" Tony asks pointing at her.
"You got this, right?" asks Fury.
"Got what? I don’t even know what I’m supposed to get,” answers Tony nervously.
“Natasha will remain a floater at Stark with her cover of her intact. And you remember Agent Coulson, right?"
“Yeah."
They both greet each other.
 "Oh, and Tony,” says Fury before leaving. "After you fix this whole mess, we should talk about Lily's new training, she needs it more than you do. And remember, I got my eye on you.”
The latter makes Lily laugh.
Natasha and Coulson explain to Tony what to do and what not to do, while Lily walks over to the suitcase.
Property of H.Stark
"Okay, time to work, Kid," says Tony.
“No," Lily walks away. "We've been together for several hours and you haven't even apologized, and now you're just hoping that I'll help you?"
Tony raises an eyebrow, shifting uncomfortably.
“Basically."
Lily looks at him in disbelief.
"I don't want to, I won't help you,” She says and then returns to her room.
***
The truth is that Lily does want to help him, but she knows he doesn't deserve it. Moreover, she cannot be alone in her room doing nothing. She wants to know what’s in that suitcase, but she doesn't want Tony to find out about her.
An idea crosses her mind. She may not be the stealthiest, but she is the only thing she has. She goes into the living room of her destroyed house and presses the hidden button on the emergency elevator that goes alone to the workshop. She enters it and after a few seconds arrives at the workshop.
 All the lights are off and Tony is sitting in an armchair facing a projection. Lily sneaks up behind the old project.
They both watch the old Howard Stark tapes, rehearsing the presentation of what is now Stark Expo. The man has several mistakes with words, but something else calls him the attention to the girl. Just as a little boy comes out the other side of the desk where Howard presents a model. The boy takes one of the pieces and Howard notices.
“Tony, what are you doing back there? What is that? Put that back!” He scolds him.
Lily leans in to get a better look at the boy version of her father. Now she can see the resemblance between Howard and Tony when scolding their children, but is also fun to watch.
Several takes with more errors follow.
“So, from all of us at Stark Industries, I’d like to personally show you my ass,” says Howard. Lily can't help but laugh at his words, giving away her presence. Although Tony had listened to her since she arrived.
"I know you're in there, kid. You're too curious to miss this,” She comes out of her hiding place, crawling on the ground until she reaches the other side of the projector.
"I'm still mad.”
Tony sighs.
"I know,” He leans in the chair and sets aside a notebook.
“Tony," says Howard causing both of them to return to the screen. “You’re too young to understand this right now, so I thought I would put this film for you. I built this for you. And Someday you'll realize that it represents a whole lot more than just people’s inventions. It represents my life’s work. This is the key to the future,” He shows the model and the reactor. “I'm limited by the technology of my time, but one day you'll figure this out. And when you do, you will change the world. What is and always will be my greatest creation… is you,” The tape ends.
 "Do you think Grandpa Howard would love me?" Lily asks when the lights come on.
Tony laughs when he hears ‘Grandpa Howard’, he’s sure he wouldn’t like to be called that.
"I don’t know. Maybe he would love you more than me,” He looks at Lily.
"I am more adorable than you.”
Tony nods, unable to fight back. He sighs. He thinks about the words of his father and wonders why he was never like this with him when they were together. Why does he have to find out about this from a tape or from other people? Then he thinks of his own daughter and Fury's words come back to him.
Tony doesn't want Lily to grow up thinking that he was worse than Howard, he knows what he did.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you that day," He begins.
"And?" She says crossing her arms.
"And sorry for what you had to witness at the party.”
"And?"
Tony purses his lips.
“I'm sorry I failed you. I shouldn't have left you alone, or yell at you, or lie to you.”
"Nat told me that your chest was killing you,” He nods. "Didn't it occur to you to ask for help?"
“It is somewhat complicated. When you say that you are dying, everyone panics.”
"But then they help you.”
 "I guess so.”
Lily feels a lump in her throat. Just remembering that, she again feels afraid of losing her father without even knowing something about what was really going on.
"I don't like that you hide things from me or lie to me," she says with a broken voice.
“Sorry."
"No, you must promise that you won’t do it again,” she interrupts him.
Tony watches Lily's determination.
"I promise.”
“Mr. Fury said we are a team. You must do your part,” she says as she gets up.
"Mr. Fury?"
"Dad!"
"Okay, okay, I got it!” He argues. In that he remembers an unfinished business. Tony stayed for a moment in the destroyed mansion and as he passed through the kitchen he saw a burned box on the sides.
He walks over to his desk with Lily following him. He removes the remains from the box and carefully takes the gift from him.
"It's a good try…”
"But you didn't even open it," she complains.
"I'm sorry, but you were missing some details.”
Lily rolls her eyes.
 "I put it together by watching a video, it's not as if you had explained each part to me.”
“That can change. Do you remember the rules we agreed upon the first time you were in the workshop?" She nods. “Forget the question limit. From now on, you must ask.”
Lily can't help but smile.
“Agree."
"So, are we good now?"
"Yup, but if you do something wrong, I'll tell Mr. Fury to scold you again."
"He didn't scold me," He complains.
"Whatever you say. Now what shall we do?"
Tony sighs and then winces.
“I must go to Pepper, stay here and cover me with the secret agents. I will not be late.”
"Good luck.”
***
After a few hours, Tony returns with the demo that his father had shown on the tapes. He arms it on various tables.
“Cool," says Lily approaching.
Tony orders Jarvis to scan every detail so he can manipulate it, he takes the hologram and moves it away from the table.
“Open your eyes wide, Kid. The answer to our problems is here,” says Tony giving her a bench and he sits on another. They both look at the model.
"What do we have to look for?"
"A new element.”
“Easy," she says sarcastically.
"My father put it here, we just have to move some things,” He brings the projection towards the center, a sphere.
"He must have something at the core," Tony whispers.
Lily sees what is around.
"What if…?”
"What?"
"What if we put everything together?"
Tony frowns, but an idea crosses his mind.
Little by little, Tony is gathering the important aspects towards the center of the Expo and in each step, he’s explaining Lily. In the end he manages to find a new element, the possible solution to the problem of intoxication.
"Dead for almost twenty years, and still taking me to school,” He says watching his creation. "Nice work, Kid.”
She smiles.
"How will you make it work?" She asks.
"Unfortunately, it’s impossible to synthesize," reports Jarvis.
Tony gets up from his chair.
“Get ready for a major remodel, fellas! We're back in hardware mode. C’mon, kid.”
Between Lily and Tony - mostly Tony - they break down some walls, open the floor and use any energy source in the mansion to connect it to the workshop part. They both open some boxes that S.H.I.E.L.D left them and use every material they have on hand.
"Hold the lamp," Tony tells her.
"It's what I'm doing,” Lily claims while she also tries to see what Tony is doing.
"More to the right.”
"What does that do?"
“Gives more energy. Bring the lamp closer…”
In the meantime, neither of them notices that Phil walks into the shop.
"I heard you broke the perimeter,” says the agent.
"Whoops" says Lily.
"Uh, yeah. That was, like, three years ago. Where have you been?" Tony answers.
"I was doing some stuff.”
"Yeah, well, us too, and it worked.”
Coulson checks the boxes. He pulls out some kind of unfinished shield.
"What’s that?" asks Lily.
“It’s exactly what we need to make this work. Lily, take it,” She obeys. "Lift the coil,” He says to Coulson and between them they lift it up a bit. Enough for Lily to put it under. Tony sets the leveler. “Perfectly level. I'm busy what do you want?"
 Coulson warns him that he must go on another mission and says goodbye.
"Glad to see you are a part of it, Lily.”
"It was not easy,” she answers making him laugh.
The hours pass and they both go back to work. In the end, Tony gives Lily some special glasses and explains what they will do.
The energy is concentrated in the device.
"Initializing prismatic accelerator," reports Jarvis. Suddenly a fine laser is projected and reflected off a material.
"Get behind me,” Tony orders him.
Stark operates the machine with the laser, but not before cutting part of the wall where he directs it.
"Oh oh.”
“Oops!"
With difficulty, the laser reaches the small inverted triangle that Tony prepared so that the power would be trapped there. After a few minutes, they turn off the machine. Tony approaches and with tweezers takes the triangle and puts it in the reactor. The item’s accepted.
"We did it?" Lily asks.
“We did it."
She sighs in relief, right now she feels the exhaustion. She walks over to the couch and sits on it.
"Wake me up when we're in trouble," she warns him.
"Why would we be in trouble?"
 "Rhodey says we have that talent.”
"Makes sense.”
In that a beep is heard.
"Incoming call and with a blocked number, sir,” warns Jarvis.
“My phone privilege is reinstated. Lovely. Kid, we have the phone back!"
“Great," she answers from the couch.
"Coulson. How’s the land of enchantment?"
"Hey. Tony. How you doing?” The voice is unknown to Lily so she settles in the chair and leans out. "I doubled cycle."
"You what?"
“You told me double cycle’s more power. Good advice.”
"You sound pretty sprightly for a dead guy.”
"What?" whispers Lily. She gets up and walks over to Tony. He makes a sign so that she doesn't make noise.
"You too,” answers the man.
Tony removes his microphone from the call.
"Trace him,” he orders Jarvis.
“Now, the true history of Stark name will be written. Your secrets will be revealed at any moment."
"What is he talking about, dad?"
Tony ignores her and keeps checking the call.
 “What your father did to my family over forty years, I will do to you in forty minutes and I will make sure your offspring disappear. I hope you're ready,” He says, and then hangs up.
Tony sees Justin Hammer's announcement at Stark Expo on another screen, and based on the coordinates of the call, Vanko may have something planned for the event. He gets up and takes the new reactor.
"Dad?"
Stark replaces the reactor in his chest, after coughing a bit, the man feels the difference.
"Time to go,” He says walking towards his armor.
"Hey! No. You promised—”
"I have to go, Lily."
“But, you must tell me what happens. You promised not to lie to me,” She gets in her way. He sighs.
"Vanko, the man who tried to kill me in Monaco, wants to do something at the Expo and I have to stop him.”
“What does he plan to do?"
"I'm not sure. You must stay here. I'll talk to Fury about sending agents here. Turn on the TV, I'm sure they'll put it on,” He continues on his way.
“Dad," He turns again. "Be careful, please.”
Tony smiles and nods.
"Stay in the workshop in case I need your help.”
"You got it.”
Taglist:
@silenthappyplace​​ @yourbonesareinmybody​ @aylauwuuniverse    @skittles-skittles​ @hufflepuffzutara​ @poetryislife0715 @21bruhs​ @heavenlymistakes​ @my-love-of-books​ @dielgonacoffee​
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thechembow · 3 years
Text
To the woman who assaulted me at Ace Hardware today,
Jan. 15, 2021
I am your neighbor in Frazier Park. I love this mountain and feel so blessed to live here. You must enjoy its beauty as much as I do, because it is unsurpassed. The woods and wildlife give me solace. I have also always had good experiences among the humans of the mountain, shopping locally, where we all know each other and everyone is friendly. I like supporting our community and keeping everyone working and happy. I’ve never had a bad time shopping in Frazier Park, so it was somewhat of a shock to meet you this way today.
My husband and I were picking up some bird seed at Ace Hardware. If you live in Frazier Park and not in Pine Mountain Club, it’s still legal to feed the birds! We love our feathered friends. They have also been giving me nice brass shavings from their key machine which I use to make orgonite, an energy device which promotes rainfall, clears air pollution, and makes living with EMF safer. My husband, Gabe, and I have been making and gifting orgonite for almost seven years now, and we have covered all of California and much of the US west to end the drought. You might be interested to know that we have put orgonite all over this mountain too. It sure has been snowing more and more every year since we got here and the forests are alive with new baby trees, far outnumbering the trees that die of old age. There were awesome wildflower blooms out in the Antelope Valley and Gorman these past few years. It might also comfort you to know that there are Earth pipes along San Andreas Fault here and at the top of Mt. Pinos, healing the damage that was done here by your ancestors, who stole the land from the Chumash Indians and clear-cut the forests. This will help prevent earthquakes. We have gifted somewhere around 200 orgonite pieces to these mountains, from the Grapevine to the Central Coast. I wrote a book about it too. Our life and most of our resources have gone into planetary healing.
Now that you know a little more about me, I would like to know more about you. I wasn’t covering my face today like you were because I am not a member of your religion. We should be tolerant of other peoples’ beliefs. I am tolerant of your choice to hide your face from your Creator, although I don’t agree with it. I would never hit you and insult you for wearing a mask or for any other reason. What told you that I was to be deplored because of my exposed nose and mouth? When you called me a “f-ing b-tch” and punched me in the ribs, it didn’t hurt physically because you’re old and weak. But I was wondering if it was your mom or dad who taught you to do that? Did you learn it in school or in church? I’ve never been cursed at and hit by an old woman before.
I put on the mask in order not to offend you, although I didn’t have to. You continued to yell, and you were very close to me when you yelled that I would infect you. If I’m so disgusting and disease-ridden, it would be a good idea to stand a few feet away from me when you insult me. I think about 6 feet should do it. It’s also not a good idea to punch a sick person because you could get my germs on your hand. How come you disappeared out the back door when I called out, “She assaulted me!” If you’re right, you should stick around.
Incidentally, soon after we met, I tried to run into the grocery store to grab some garlic. Like at the hardware store, the employees there never get on my case for my need to breathe and show the face God gave me. I got verbally assaulted there by a customer again, which wasn’t as bad as being hit and verbally assaulted at the same time. But the woman there was much younger than you, so you may want to give her some pointers on how to really hurt your neighbor. She said, “You’re killing my family.” She also blamed me for her sick dog. It was more likely a combination of pinworms, Ascaris, a variety of liver and intestinal flukes, some tapeworms, solvents and heavy metals that killed them, along with the ventilators they pop peoples’ lungs with if they come into the hospital with a cold. I’m reading a fascinating book right now called The Cure for All Diseases by Dr. Hulda Clark. It explains all of these diseases you think are infectious and how to cure them. You need to zap your parasites and stop sharing your worms! Stop putting filth in your mouth and reinfecting yourself, says Dr. Clark. Germs are not jumping around in the air. You can learn to heal anything that’s wrong with you with this book.
In your case, you’re definitely watching too much news. I would venture to guess you’re also taking an assortment of pharmaceutical drugs which are masking symptoms of your own worms and the bacteria and viruses they carry. You probably use a smart phone. Lots of old people who don’t even understand the technology do. I wish you would be more like my grandma, who never hit a lady in the store nor uttered an obscenity. She never would have used a smart phone either. She was beautiful, strong, dignified, spoke several languages, loved fine art, cooked great meals and enjoyed life. It’s sad what a shriveled lump of fear you’re become. My grandma survived the very oppression you are doling out today by a miracle of God. Goodness knows, her life was in danger every moment for being Jewish and from Germany at the wrong time. Now I also feel like I’m in danger. If you’ll physically assault a stranger for having a different belief, then what if someone stronger or armed would do it? This is not something I want to find out. Fortunately I have a relationship with God who protects me and am saved by Messiah Yeshua. He reconciled me back to God who forgave my sin of falling into pagan culture like you have. Your world is a fantasy land, but it’s really more like a nightmare, and it is dying like you have died.
There were a few people in the store after you fled the scene who showed me sympathy. But I now know how bad things have gotten. You showed me that today. You made me feel physically sick, not just emotionally distressed, with a little help from your insane ally at the grocery store. Just last week I could go into most places in Frazier Park with my face showing. It seems your time is running out and your world is spiraling out of control. For now, I would rather not argue with you. I will cover my face in your presence and you won’t know I don’t worship your god. It gives me more inspiration to become more self-reliant and less dependent on the businesses of your world. I hate the mask with a passion. I hate what it represents and how you look in it. I think it’s very sad that you love your pathetic false god and believe this absolutely ridiculous narrative to the point that you would assault another woman. C0VID is a mental illness!
Well that’s all for now. I hope to hear from you soon. Maybe you will realize it was wrong to hit me and curse at me and I’ll forgive you. Then we can be friends and have a kosher barbeque when the weather warms up. I’m not holding my breath, no pun intended.
Your neighbor,
Sharon Daphna
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kevinbirthday · 4 years
Text
Critically analyzing The All For The Game series
While this may seem like a hit piece on the books I will say that I absolutely adore the books beyond even my own comprehension. I own multiple pieces of fan merch of characters created by Nora and this series got me through incredibly tough times. I enjoy being critical of the media I enjoy so this is in no way meant to hate on Nora or drive you away from reading the books. The series will forever have a special place in my heart I am just a cynical person lol.
The all for the game series really is amazing, though there is subpar writing and glaring plot holes at times. Nora took lots of ideas I’ve never really seen in any other YA novel and ran with them, hell she even had a queer couple that didn’t exist solely for queer bait. I just feel like Nora had lots of ideas and there were so many concepts and half-baked notions of what should happen that not all of them were executed correctly.
I also think her putting out the extra content that contradicts the books multiple times was a poor choice. Yes, it’s great to get questions answered about things but I think if you have to constantly go back in and explain why something happend or when, then you should have spent more time on the books development. I have strong opinions when it comes to the extra content. Part of me believes it shouldn’t exist past answering a few questions about the books, not 300 paragraphs of random reiterations of the storyline and extra side stories that contradict canon.
I think a lot of the series was based on contrived plot points and driven by too many plot devices to make the story seem like a linear progression to me. The readers of this should also read the books on their own and form their own opinions on the book. Nora doesn’t alway do things incorrectly and I will never claim she’s a terrible writer on the basis that she self published the entire series. The books were never professionally polished and I think that is part of what gives this series so much charm. Suspension of belief is needed to read this series and it does inspire feelings of “What the actual hell. Did that just happen?!” Which honestly just shows the creativity of the series and proves that you can write a book full of morally grey characters and it be successful. As stated earlier I give Nora props for never making the main characters queer relationship be the entire focus of their exsistance. She did drop the ball on that when writing Nicky Hemmick’s character.
I also believe that while Nora was amazingly creative with this series, she created a whole new sport and badass characters for Pete’s sake that’s talent. I also Nora didn’t handle many things correctly or with the tact needed to pull certain things off.
Andrew and his whole meds situation paints medication and mental illness in an extremely poor light. I think she just wanted to throw something in to cover all her bases instead of researching pills. I agree it’s not far fetched to say that Andreil never say I love you in terms of vocalizing the words to each other because of the fact that they have their own private version of the words.
What I do find extremely far fetched is that Andrew never ‘heals’. Andrew Minyard goes to therapy even after the mandatory sessions are finished. Andrew agreed to go to joint therapy sessions with his brother to work their issues out! Tell me this man is not healing. Andrew will never not have bipolar disorder because it’s not something to be cured and he most definitely has C-PTSD after all he’s gone through. Those things can’t be cured but they can be managed by having a support system, going to therapy, and talking though issues within your family system. What is Andrew Minyard doing? Exactly that. He’s managing his symptoms which is part of healing, sure he’ll never be ‘normal’ but he’s healing as a person. The mindset that someone will never heal bc of their csa and mental health issues are ‘too bad’ is literally the worst mindset to have and is so damaging!
I also understand that you have to call on some suspension of belief when it comes to Andrew’s sentencing after he protected Nicky during the fight at Eden’s, but the only case I’ve ever personally seen someone be forced to take mind altering medication after a fight and not be sent to a psych ward was in the case of a combative schizophrenic and hurt someone and the person they attacked pressed charges. I find the whole Andrew on medication ordeal both infuriating and incredibly confusing.
Another confusing thing to me is the entire characterizaton of Nicky Hemmick. Can we all agree that it was incredibly uncomfortable? He was written as an extremely stereotypical gay man with rapey ‘undertones’. Who am I kidding with undertones he shoved drugs down Neil’s throat with his tounge and can’t take no as an answer. This being said, I do love Nicky’s character. I just don’t think that someone who was subjected to conversion therapy no matter if they had some to help them work through their internalized homophobia, would act so flamboyantly during the 2000’s. There were still commercials about not calling people gay as a insult, Paris Hilton had to tell people to use the word stupid instead. He was also one of the only explicitly stated characters as being a person of color and while I’d never say that Nora had racist intent behind that writing him as an extremely predatory gay man always rubbed me in an uncomfortable way.
At least he had some semblance of a back story though, due to Mr. Unreliable Narrator Neil Josten it felt like some characters were there just to prove that character’s besides the monsters, a few of the upperclassmen, and riko existed. Riko’s villain status seemed like it was something to make more of an immediate threat to Neil than Nathan. We had to have some reason for Kevin to be with the foxes and to go to a team so ranked down other than just Wymack being his father. What was Riko really there for other than to tell Neil that the Moriyama’s think he’s their property and then get shot in the head? I also think his death was just to wrap things up neatly and provide closure to the reader that all the ‘bad guys’ are gone. Evermore mostly served to further Neil and Andrew’s relationship and to provide extra drama. Nathan was too out of site out of mind to provide any suspense or drama for the readers. Riko was more of a plot device than a character in my personal opinion. We also only have the bare bones of almost all of the upperclassmen’s back stories. All we really know about the upperclassmen is that Dan used to be a stripper and her stage name was Hennessy, Matt’s dad sucked and he was an addict in the past and Andrew was the reason he went to rehab, Renee was in a gang and is a reborn Christian, Allison had an ed and was disowned and who cares about Seth because he was just killed to bring the foxes together. Was the team so dysfunctional Nora had to kill a man to get them to work together? I feel like his death could have been avoided and was completely meaningless. I enjoyed the the books but at times it was a complete information overload and I can’t even imagine how Neil felt in the situation when I as a reader will never had to deal with that firsthand.
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