#��good and evil are not real things I found this all by myself look at me that makes me so fucking clever I’m basically an X-man”

[maybeitsalivescribbles]

VH - Lost Soul

(tw: it’s backstory time for Vampire Hero, and it isn’t very nice. Lots and lots of torture mentions.)

Vampire Hero was in hell, although not for the reasons Villain thought.

According to his watch, he’d been trapped in this maze for hours. Amid the many gifts his vampire nature had given him, a sense of direction wasn’t among them. He’d tried to punch the walls, but that would have taken too long to burst through them. They were even thicker than the skull that had thought of such a stupid thing to build. What he could do was leaving a dent to make sure that yes, he’d been there before. He had his phone on him, but there was no wifi, so no way to use his GPS. He had very little battery left anyhow– he had emptied most of it to send his wife pictures of bats on his way, which was as far as he was concerned a very good and judicious use of it. All of that was already a bore, but to make the game even funnier, the labyrinth was full of traps.

Full of pathetic traps. The ground collapsed under his feet, rocks were falling on him, all of that accomplishing nothing – but it was annoying enough that it disrupted his concentration, preventing him to find a way out. That was not the main problem, though. There were screens everywhere, too high to reach, and Villain. Never. Stopped. Talking.

“What is good and evil ? Do you know for sure what the limit is ? Good is supposed to follow the law, but is the law always good ? Isn’t it pride to do what feels right ? You think you want to stop me, but aren’t you being selfish by doing what you want ?”

She’d kept going like that for hours now. Nails on a blackboard would have sounded nicer. Not only the words were as hollow as a dead snail, but the inflection of that pompous voice was unbearable. Vampire Hero was seriously tempted to hit his head against the wall to stop hearing anything, but that didn’t seem like it’d work in the long term.

At his limit, he stepped up, his lips pinched, and finally yelled back:

“Four words. Grow the fuck up.”

“That’s all you have to say ? You’re not much for philosophy.”

“You call that philosophy ? I hate to break it to you, but knowing that good and bad are social constructs is not some kind of genius insight. All I see is a kid yelling at me that she’s very smart. You don’t give a crap about all of this. You just want to prove to yourself how very superior you are.”

“Do you think you’re better than me ?”

“The bar is low.”

“Oh, because you’re good now ?”

Vampire Hero stopped dead in his tracks:

“Even before, I was better than you."

He raised his arms and bared his teeth, his voice loud:

"You think that you’re bad ? You’ve got nothing on me ! I lured people and made them dance with me over broken glass. I had them rot blindfolded in animal cages for days until they had to lick their own blood. I had cozy nights with them having a friendly little chat in the living room while I was drinking from a corpse, and they knew that if they broke they were next. I made them starve and eat their loved ones. And I loved it ! I loved all of it ! I loved the light dying in their eyes. I thought I was clever ! I am half the reasons you’re shaking at night !”

“Zdiiiiiiiingbonnng,” made the rock on Hero’s head. He sighed in exasperation and stopped talking, wiping gravel from his hair.

“I know about you.” said Villain. “The hero agency’s lackey. Aren’t you ashamed ? You were a great prince, once.”

“Actually, I never was really tall.”

“Go ahead, hide yourself behind this kind of childish retorts. But admit it: you’ve sunk low. You arrest people who weren’t caught like you and you bring them to the authority, like a good dog. Has it ever occurred to you how much of a failure you’ve become ?”

“No.”

“Then why did you stop ?”

“If I tell you the story, will you finally shut up ?”

“Perhaps.”

“Worth it.”

Vampire Hero jumped over a couple of spikes, groaned when he realized that his jeans had a new hole, and said:

“Once upon a time, asshole, I was living happily in my castle all alone. I was rich, I was immortal, I had everything I wanted, and what I wanted was a lot of toys.”

He glanced around him, noticed nothing that indicated he was on the right path, and sighed.

“By toys I mean humans, of course. I chose among the prettiest, kindest, bravest, and I tortured them to death. I hurt them until they didn't have anything to break. I was good at it. I experimented things that would give you and all of you so-called Supervillains nightmares for years. But, you know. Decade after decade, still doing the same thing – I was getting bored. I felt empt- aw man, a dead end again ?”

He turned on his heels, swearing. That was obviously the wrong way to solve his problem. The walls were smooth and impossible to climb, so it had to be arranged. He caught a rock and throw it against the hard surface with a little more strength than necessary.

“Well, anyway. I heard there was a great conqueror who wanted the world. I made my first travel since decades, by curiosity. I wanted to see by myself who could challenge me.”

“And you fought him and you lost ?”

“I told you to shut up. I met her, and not long after I was her lucky, lucky husband. I never had her ambition, but of course I supported her. She encouraged my own little hobby in return, so I became her special torturer. My life was even more perfect, and there was this void inside me, and I hated it, and I didn't understand it. And what happened happened. I tortured the wrong person.”

“Define wrong ?”

“It was the daughter of a vampire hunter.”

“A poor choice.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. The guy was really good at his job. He was already pissed off because of the world-conquering plan, but after I did that, well, he cursed my wife and I – oh, enough with this.”

Punctured by rock impacts, the wall in front of him wasn’t so smooth anymore. Vampire Hero took a run-up, jumped and landed on the top of it. He had a nice view on the labyrinth now. For the first time, he took the right direction.

“ That’s cheating,” complained Villain.

“I don’t care.”

“What then ?”

“What then ? I had a bad century. The hunter couldn't kill me, so he drank my blood to prolong his own life and tortured me. He got good at it, too. I felt what I’d made the others feel, but only at first – after ninety years it was back to nothing. I was 300 years old and reality was fading. I was a leech. I hadn’t made a thing for myself.”

“You mean you went soft because of a little torturing?”

“No. I got old. When you have a couple of centuries, this torture-people-to-death shit doesn’t have the same kind of kick anymore. You try to get creative, but it doesn’t help. You feel nothing. So there’s nothing else you can do but stop. And speaking of stopping, it’s your turn.”

Vampire Hero was now at the center of the labyrinth. He jumped to a silver door, decided he was too done with the whole thing to use the knob, and broke it open.

Villain turned towards him, a small smile on her face, and opened her arms in a welcome gesture:

“Behold, vampire ! This room have been made of silver walls and floor. You won’t be able to enter without squirming in agony and -

Vampire Hero stepped in. Villain braced herself for his cries of pain, but there was none. He still looked bored out of his mind. There was a long silence.

“That’s – that’s not possible.”

Hero laughed. A slow, sinister laugh that made Villain’s eyes open wide.

“What are you ?” she whispered. “You can’t be a vampire. You should be crawling on the ground.”

“Don’t you listen ? I told you I’ve been tortured for decades. You know what an immortal body does when it regenerates back for the hundredth time ?"

He pointed to himself. There was a subtle change in his appearance. He still looked like his unimpressed self, but his usual lightness was replaced by something much darker. It was his eyes. Staring into them was like gazing into some horrible, nameless abyss. There was nothing human about them. They could only belong to some ghastly creature who'd lived centuries, not particularly nice ones.

Vampire Hero chuckled, and Villain shuddered.

"It gets tougher," he only said. "I’ve lost touch and taste. I feel nothing. Nor warmth or cold, and certainly not pain. My body is cut from the outside world. There's not much that feels real to me. You know what it is?”

He walked towards Villain, who took a step back and said:

“I hope you realize you’re monologuing yourself.”

“Habits die hard. I want to go back tonight and kiss my wife on the top of her head, just in the middle. It’s our habit. That’s all that matters. If I have to be on this side to support her, so be it. I don’t care about evil or good, and it won’t prevent me to eat your vocal chords if you’re off again. So, are you going to keep talking or finally shut the hell up ?”

“You know what, I think I’m good.”

*

Vampire Hero is a recurring character. His job is to troll current villains. Check the Vampire Hero Masterlist or Tag for more snippets with him.

Or back to Hero x Villain Masterlist.

[biscuitsandwires]

In which Danny wakes up in a weird place.... again.

The thing about Danny, is that he often wakes up in really, really weird situations. Like way more than you'd think, way more than he'd even like, really. He doesn't get that much sleep, being y'know, half ghost, and with school work and having to fight "The Forces of Evil" half the time it gets kind of... tedious, balancing things like sleep and eating and even getting water in him.

It's not really a good thing, but he started carrying around a water bottle he can clip to his bag. It reminds him to at least drink something, when he doesn't have time to grab anything to eat.

But because of all that fun stuff, the not sleeping and not eating and things, he often finds himself taking... unplanned naps. Waking up on the floor, his bed, his desk, one time even in his locker, but that was before his growth spurt. He's a little too big for that now.

Of course, this might take the cake, in terms of weird places he's woken up. He's never been to Gotham, that he remembers, and he certainly has never been to the Wayne Manor. He'd remember that, he thinks, what with the grand architecture, the giant paintings of random people with pearl necklaces and suits... yeah he'd know if he'd been here before.

"Ah, you are awake."

He tries really, really hard not to react to the sudden, aged voice next to him. It sounds like a nice guy, mature and soft like a wool blanket. But he has no idea where he is, when it is, anything, so in one second he's still on the big bed (which it is a BIG bed) and the next he's... well.

Floating ten feet in the air with his fist raised.

To his credit, the older gentleman staring up at him merely blinks, then sighs. "Another enhanced fellow, I suppose. Of course you are."

It's enough to lower Danny's hackles, his confusion growing the amount of time it takes to slowly float back to the floor.

"Can I uh... Can I ask where I am?"

The older man gives him a look. "You, young man, are in the Wayne family home. I'll ask you not to touch anything until the young Master gets back."

That... didn't really clear anything up, if Danny was being real. So he tried again. "Can I ask, uh. Why I'm here, sir?"

Mama didn't raise a ruffian with no manners.

Another sigh, the older man looking like he wanted to go take a nap himself. "I am not fully sure, myself. Young Master Damian found you, I suppose, and brought you here. You have been unconscious for a day or so."

Well. That was concerning all on it's own. Who was Damian? Was he a Wayne? Why was Danny in Gotham at all, he didn't remember a field trip or anything involving Vlad.

He might have started panicking if there wasn't the sudden, entirely too enticing smell of pancakes suddenly under his nose.

"You're entirely too skinny, young man. It's breakfast time." The older gentleman said, holding a tray of wayyy too much food for one person in front of Danny, and really...

What was he gonna do? Deny the man?

He would have to figure out what the hell was going on, later. Right now he had a date with the nicest looking spread he'd ever seen.

"And young man, you may call me Alfred."

Danny grinned, gently taking the tray from him and setting it on a nearby table. "Danny. It's good to meet you."

"Hmm." Alfred mumbled. "I certainly hope so, Master Danny. I certainly hope so."

(pt 2 here)

[boysbeware2]

all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

[foulphantomllama]

My Secret Desire | AESPA Winter x Male Reader

AESPA Winter x Male Reader (POV)

Y/N is an abroad student from Europe. When he realizes he has feelings for his bully, Minjeong, their love-hate relationship made them push each others limits.

I will be releasing it in chapters. If you guys like it, i will make it as long as possible. And also I can take requests! Enjoy your reading.

The Exchange Student

It was always hard for me to go to school in the mornings. There were multiple reasons but the main one was my bully. Minjeong. But everybody was calling her Winter. Because she was stone cold, rude. Her attitude has a certain charm, I’m not going to lie. I guess this was the main reason I took the bullying for so long. I may be an exchange student but, i wasn’t really the type you expect to get bullied. After all, she was literally pocket size. I even can call her efforts cute. It was like taking a beating from a two year old. But little did I know that this cat has very sharp claws.

I had classes three days a week. So does she. She was not the brightest student, but she was always on time to classes. I don’t remember a single one that she missed. I, on the other hand, was pretty good at my grades and I knew my way around nearly all of the subjects. But still, she found something to make fun of me. But mainly me being a westerner. As time passed by, I get used to her attitude towards me. At some point I was addicted to her verbal abuse. She mocks my accent, my eating habits, the way I study. Everything. This toxic relationship started to grew inside me. It was just like I had found the motivation I needed to stop thinking about the choices I made with my life. And I was still getting pretty annoyed at some things she does but, overall, I started to fell for her.

Like I said, waking up in the morning always made me think about my choices. What the fuck I was doing in Korea tho? But I always ended up looking at myself at the mirror. Although my self-esteem was at its lowest, I was surprisingly pretty egoistic. Don’t ask me how that is possible. I don’t know either. Just like one of those mornings, I come to school, grab myself a freshly brewed americano and when I was on my way to the class, I saw Minjeong coming towards me. “Hi” she said with a soft, nice voice. Something I did not heard from her before. She got me. “Hi” I said back. “Look” she started to talk. I was nervous. Why I was nervous? “I’m so sorry for all my attitude towards you.” I was shocked. Did she just.. apologized to me? “Don’t worry about it. We’re adults after all, In fact I was starting to like it.” I answered. “Ha” she smirked at me. But that smirk was too evil and too inviting. She was fucking me up. Making me stand for everything I hated before. “So, can we just talk over there?” she said to me. I accepted. We started walking together.

After a little walk, we sat at a bench looking towards our building. She took my cofee off my hand and started drinking it. “Sorry, I’m so nervous.” She said. “I was probably never should have bullied you from the start.” She looked at me. Her face was to innocent to be guilty. But she was. I knew that but still, wanted to hear the rest. “Do you need something?” I asked. “How did you knew?” she answered back. “My father says If I don’t pass my classes this year It will be over for me.” “What will be over?” I answered. “School.” She said. “He says he will remove me from the school.” She put the coffee to the side. Something was seriously off. I could feel it. But I agreed to help anyway. She was so happy when I agreed to help her. Some of it felt insanely real. Was it real?

[carionto]

The duality of Man, or triality? quadrality?

Alien to Human about New Human: Correct me if I'm wrong, but they appear abnormally large for your species?

H: Yea, he's a biggun alright, even without the EV suit I'd say... 7'3'', 310 pounds, bet he power lifts.

A: Umm... not to be rude, but, uhh... he seems, well... how should I put this...

H: Intimidating? Terrifying? Evil? Yea, if this station didn't have high screening standards I'd be totally pissing myself if he started walking towards me. The mohawk and eye tat totally make me believe he could snap me in two with a single glare.

A: I feel ashamed that my instincts are telling me to flee. I wish nature were easier to change.

H (shouting at NH): Hey buddy! Could you come over here for a minute please? You look awesome by the way!

A (whispering nervously): what are you doing?!?

H: Gotta overcome those fears somehow, I believe the best way is a direct confrontation.

NH approaches, somewhat slowly, looking around at all the other aliens in the station that are chatting, waiting around, or doing some work. He finally approaches A and H, and in a very deep and husky voice says: Um, hi, hello. T-thanks for the compliment, I, uh, was a little worried I would stand out too much here.

H: Oh you totally do, my friend over here is practically about to pass out from how much like a gothic viking of death metal you look.

NH: Oh no, I'm so sorry, I-I just grew up in Sweden-Delta and both my parents were huge into classic local music, so I just, uh... it's complicated. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare anyone.

H: Hey, relax pal, we're all good people here. Anyway, what you here to do? I'm planning on starting a bakery, still testing out what kind of flour most species here can actually stomach. My friend here is on the team working on Moon theft preventative measures.

NH: Oh, that's cool. I'm here as an exchange student with the department of applied astrophysics. If all goes well, I can finish my Bachelors degree remotely and stay here as an intern with the head researcher.

H: Oooh, that's cool. (so cool yea that you're apparently half my age but oh well guess I'm a big fat time waster like my father before me and oh god change the subject before I get depressed in front of strangers) That's a real big bag you got there, carrying some super secret science things, eh?

NH: Oh, that... uhh... guess it can't hurt to tell, security vetted it already anyway.

NH proceeds to unzip the bag and hold up a large white piece of clothing with light blue rings and accents, alongside a strange white cap with what looked like small fins, and a curious little backpack.

NH: It's uhh... um... my... Ika... musume... cosplay.... (oh gods I can't believe I said it out loud again)

After a moment of awkward silence, NH slowly puts on the backpack and presses a button on it's strap, and suddenly numerous light blue colored tentacle-like appendages sprout out from the backpack and move in line with NH's movements.

NH: I, uh..., got my engineering friend to make them articulate and interface with my contacts. I can make them do all sorts of things, like make various shapes and animals with them, though works best as a shadow theater.

H:...

NH:...

A now frozen out of confusion than fear:...

H: That's so

NH: (oh I know it's so lame, but I love that show)-

H: COOL! I don't know what a ika musume is, but those things look amazing. You said articulate? How precise can they be? I'd love to have something like that instead of my useless assistant. Poor lad can't make a piece of toast if his life depended on it...

NH: Y-you like it?

H: I LOVE those things. My daughter does cosplay too sometimes, but she makes her Dreadnought suits herself from scraps. One time the military came to our house and installed a limiter on the gauss cannon she found in a crash site, said it would otherwise start to generate small doses of radiation if used too frequently. But she replaced it with a handmade rail gun before the next convention. Do you go to those? Did you see a 7 meter tall hulking metal monstrosity with a bunch of candles all over? That was her.

NH: Oh, I think I've seen video of that, but no, not in person, I go to smaller events. I don't really like big crowds.

H: Oh yea, I get ya, you do seem a bit on the shy side now that we've been talking for a bit. Hey, no worries, like I said, we're all good people here.

NH: T-thanks, but I think I should be going now, the teacher is calling me over.

H: Oh yea, go ahead, didn't mean to take up so much of your time. Have a fun stay and I'm sure you'll ace that paper or theory? Or whatever astrophysicists do, you seem like a solid kid.

NH: Oh, uh, thanks. Good luck with your bakery. And you with stopping those weird people from stealing more moons. Bye.

H: Bye bye, come visit, don't be a stranger now, I'm set up just a short bit from the main lift on floor 14.

NH: R-right, I'll, uh, be sure to stop by soon.

A is finally able to process what they just heard and says: What was all that just now?

H: What? Just a friendly chat with what is apparently basically a kid. Man, this kid's got so much going on, while I'm almost 50 and I have an oven. Life, man, it can go in so many ways. Anyway, let's go grab a drink, I'm parched.

[marinsawakening]

One of the most interesting things about A Link Between Worlds is seeing how the Zelda franchise and the game industry as a whole has changed since A Link to the Past. ALBW takes its maps, many of its enemy types, and heavy story notes from ALTTP, but is a very different game.

For one, despite the overworld enemies in both worlds being about as dangerous as in ALTTP, ALBW is not nearly as difficult. ALTTP is stingy with recovery hearts and requires you to explore the overworld or run dungeons to obtain resources. This means that, especially in the beginning and after the Dark World difficulty spike, you'll probably be dying a lot. While playing, I often found myself wondering how anyone expected little kids to be able to beat this game. ALTTP basically looks at you and tells you to get good at either surviving or finding fairies.

By contrast, ALBW gives you access to the vast majority of its items almost immediately, with the only caveat being that if you die you have to pay money to get them back. Considering that money is plentiful in this game and the limit on rupees you can hold is much higher than any other Zelda game right from the start, this is not much of a threat. Couple that with near-immediate fast travel access (including in Lorule, wereas in ALTTP you never get fast travel in the Dark World), and it means you have access to the whole entire map pretty much immediately. In addition, unlike in ALTTP, there is no real resource management; all items are dependent on your magic meter rather than item drops, and unlike in ALTTP your magic meter refills itself with time, so you basically have infinite bombs, arrows, and magic usage. ALBW is also much less stingy with recovery hearts while providing a comparable amount of fairies as ALTTP, which makes the high damage many enemies do much more manageable. Despite working with the same map and the same enemies, ALBW is much, much easier than ALTTP, and clearly designed to be fairly easily beatable by children.

Its story is different from ALTTP in some key ways, too, despite having pretty much the same story structure. Most obviously, it is much more concerned with character. In ALTTP, the maidens you rescue are nameless, have the same character design, have no personality and seemingly no family. Side characters in the overworld likewise have little to no personality, and we know barely anything about Link's life prior to the game. Its villains, Agahnim and Ganon, are pure evil with no character depth to speak of.

But in ALBW, the sages you rescue are clear, distinct characters with their own personalities, all of whom you've met before rescuing them and who have friends/family concerned for them. Many overworld NPCs likewise have much more distinct personalities. The main villain, Yuga, does not have much in the way of depth, but Hilda makes up for this in spades. Even the Zora, largely generic enemies in ALTTP, are genuine people. In addition, Link himself is very quickly established as a blacksmith's apprentice/employee with a younger friend named Gulley and a good relationship with many people in Kakariko, creating a clear image of the status quo that gets disrupted.

Another big difference between the stories is the difference in tone. ALTTP has a fairly dark tone, opening with the castle under siege and your uncle dying. The main overworld enemies in the Light World are brainwashed Hyrulean knights. Many if not all of the monsters/inhabitants in the Dark World are humans who foolishly chased their greed and were transformed into monstrous parodies of themselves. Meanwhile, ALBW opens with your happy pre-adventure life. The knight enemies are magical apparitions, not real people under a spell. The situation in Lorule is bleak, but it's implied the monsters only showed up recently, and the world's inhabitants are regular humans, many of whom are kind at heart despite a rough exterior. ALBW's overall tone is much lighter than ALTTP despite using its aesthetics.

Lastly, ALTTP is a pretty straightforward fantasy game with few bells and whistles. The closest it comes to having a 'gimmick' is the Dark World, which is mostly just a map extension. By contrast, ALBW relies heavily on its gimmick/central game mechanic of merging with walls, and experiments with an unusual item system which significantly alters the gameplay from the rest of the Zelda games.

These differences between the games, who use the same maps, monsters, and basic story structure highlight the ways in which the Zelda franchise and games as a whole have changed over time.

ALTTP was a straightforward fantasy game because it didn't need to be anything else; games were still finding their footing and setting the standard. ALBW, however, was the eighteenth entry in a massively popular franchise, and needed to experiment with its mechanics to set itself apart from the crowd.

ALTTP was ultimately a fairly simple, generic fantasy story. ALBW uses the same plot structure, but adds more focus on character, showing the higher standard set for video game stories over time.

ALBW is much lighter in tone than ALTTP, reflecting the series' willingness to embrace lighter, less serious games since Link's Awakening.

ALBW is easier than ALTTP, reflecting a shifting standard in children's games that has become much more concerned with actually being, y'know, easily beatable for kids. The much larger presence of in-game hints compared to ALTTP additionally shows a shift away from relying on the manual to help you out.

It's very interesting to me to contrast the two games and see how the LOZ series and the game industry as a whole has changed.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

they managed to massacre Aang's character and all the struggle and importance of his choice in the finale in a SINGLE page, and yet there are people who think the comics are good

and of course Katara's would have nothing to say on the matter, toootally in-character

Not to mention: yes, Zuko is right that a lifetime of indoctrination won't magically stop affecting him just because he's aware of it now, but the way the comics really said "If you're not perfect, you deserve to die. Not rehabilitation, not even incarceration despite it being an option, just straight to violent, lethal punishment" is horrying.

And lets not forget the blatant abuse apologism of having Zuko, the kid who was told by his abusive parent that his disfigurement and banishment was "for his own good" after he made one "mistake", turning to his closest friends and asking them to be his "safety net" by MURDERING HIM IF EVER STEPS OUT OF LINE - and said friends then agree to it.

Are you fucking kidding me? The real Aang would have double-down on the "You're NOT your father" bit, and the entire friend group would have been super concerned about Zuko because a victim of abuse saying they're as bad as their abuser thus deserve to die is one hell of a red flag as to how their mental health is going.

Speaking of mental health: I talk a lot about how Azula was constantly being abused by the supposed heroes in the comics, and how the justification of it is rooted in ableism, but this nonsense with Zuko asking to be put down like a dog is also peak victim blaming, and one of the few moments in which one can actually feel bad for comics!Zuko.

And it ties into a disturbing pattern I noticed among Avatar fans - and mainly Zuko fans. They don't truly understand that what Ozai put his children through was wrong, they simply think he chose the wrong kid as the escapegoat. They think Azula should have been the one that is constantly punished just for existing, while Zuko is the golden child that can do no wrong - or else.

This moment right here? With the people that he trusts agreeing to inflict violence on him if he ever makes a mistake? This is that "or else". This is literally the same mentality that led to Azula's breakdown because NO ONE CAN SURVIVE UNDER THAT MUCH PRESSURE.

And that leads us to the main reason why the comcis suck: Yang was using Zuko as a self-insert.

"Zuko‘s relationship with Ozai is something we – Mike, Brian, Dark Horse, Nickelodeon, and I – talked about extensively when we first started working together. There’s this strange thing that happens to people in power. The pressures of power often blur the lines between enemies. That’s part of what happens to Zuko here. Ozai is the only one who knows what it’s like to be Fire Lord, the only one who has the wisdom of experience. I also looked at my own life. I used to clash with my dad quite a bit when I was a teenager. However, as I grew up and found myself in roles that he used to have, I began to understand more and more of his decisions. My father isn't thoroughly evil, of course, but I imagine Zuko feels a little of the same pull."

Yang. My guy. My dude. The words "Ozai" and "wisdom" should NEVER be in the same sentence. Every single action of Ozai's as Fire Lord was based on him being an abusive piece of shit that finally got access to absolute power. He is not a stern dad, he is abusive. He's not misunderstood, he needed to be stopped and locked away. He is a human being with feelings and motivations, yes, but he is WRONG ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING EVER. He NEVER had a point. Zuko has nothing to learn from him except what NOT to do. That's why he looks like an older, unscarred Zuko. A version of Zuko that never changed.

This is the core issue of the comics, and why it had so many moments of unintentional abuse apologism: they say Ozai is a villain, but they're going out of their way to constantly make the characters come dangerously close to saying "Maybe he had a point." That's why they have Zuko turn to Ozai for advice despite claiming he wants to avoid becoming like him - because the guy writting them couldn't understand that the bad guy was, in fact, bad and in the wrong and has no wisdom to offer to anyone.

Avatar, the series, is about the world moving past from the sick mentality people like Ozai had, and about his son realizing that he did not deserve to be abused. The Avatar Comics are about telling Zuko (and others) "Ozai isn't wrong actually, you'll understand when you're older."

No, Yang, they won't. Because there's nothing to "understand" here other than THE GUY THAT ABUSED HIS CHILDREN AND COMMITED GENOCIDE WAS WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING, YOU DUMBASS!

Saying "the villain had a point" does not make a story better unless it is true - and in Ozai's case, it simply isn't. Insisting otherwise doesn't make the story and characters more mature, it just means you couldn't understand a cartoon aimed at 7-year-olds despite being a grown-ass man.

And I won't even get into Bryke approving of this bullshit otherwise I'll start tearing my hair out in rage at how badly they seem to have lost touch with the message of their best work, so let me just use a simple statemet to make everyone understand just how much of a disaster this is:

Even M. Night Shyamalan didn't misunderstand ATLA to the point of thinking Ozai wasn't actually wrong, but Bryan, Mike and Yang did. The comics understand the show less than M. Night Shyamalan did.

I rest my fucking case.

[mephistopheleswasrobbed]

It's the penultimate episode, I've got some words for P'Dome that he'll never get to hear but most importantly I'm here to congratulate Peach and Home on not breaking up this episode. So let's get to it!

1

We begin with Home being sad looking at their ad while thinking about his gramps trying to teach him the meaning of "home"

But while Pangpang puts it plainly into words

Home is apparently so dense that he still hasn't figured it out

We've been seeing quite clearly, and Home seems to be aware on a subconcious level at least, that Peach and the rest of the squad have become his home. But well, Home the man, clearly put all his character points into cuteness leaving none for intelligence so I guess we'll have to wait for the last (TT) episode for him to finally get it.

2

Peach has gotten to know Home very well. So of course he can tell that there's something up with his platonic? boyfriend. (on the first watch i thought this was him fishing for "Home is so sad that you're leaving"-validation)

He's also totally definitely not at all worried about Home. I'd say acting isn't Peach's strong suit but he did quite well with the fuckery they put on so I guess it's a case of the old can't-lie-when-it-comes-to-love.

Despite his utter non-worry he still delegates Home-care to Kan which kind of implies that he sees it as his job to take care of him. (and shows how much he is worried and cares about Home but that's not really news at this point)

3

Even Kan is teasing them about their relationship now.

4

Sure, their fight turned out to be somewhat staged to distract evil lawyer but the sentiments are nontheless quite real. The familiar territory of fighting allows them to finally speak out their feelings about what happened at the end of last episode. And, surprise, surprise, both are hurt by the idea of being left by the other, of ultimately not meaning that much to each other. (as I said, abandonment trauma rearing its ugly head) At this point, regardless of their relationship status maybe they should just get married so they'll finally feel some security in their importance to each other. (this is almost definitely not a good solution to this sort of problem irl, of course)

5

It's a good thing they've been perfecting their nonverbal communication over the course of the show. It comes in quite handy in situations like this.

6

Surrounded by the betrayal from his blood family, Home knows there's someone he can always trust.

Peach. And the rest of the gang. His real family. (+ the friends they made along the way)

7

This scene was honestly the cutest shit. The way he goes from his legs raised in happiness, to lowerd in disappointment, to swinging with giddieness. The way he's hiding under his duvet to secretly talk to his boyfriend on the phone. Ridiculously cute. This man is so in love. And he shows it like a stereotypical 12 y/o girl.

And Peach isn't any better with his arms on display and that fondness in his face.

8

Peach really doesn't want Home to go back to America.

But while he's not getting that reassurance for now (I can't bring myself to believe he'll actually leave. Not after everything, not when the reason for his exile has been resolved, not when he's finally found the meaning of "home" so his grandpa would have allowed him to come back, anyway. And how ironic btw, that he had to come home first and face the consequences of his actions, in order to find his meaning of "home"), at least he gets some surprisingly clear real-talk on Home's feelings.

9

Peach is smelling the bs on uncle and he's not looking to become a widower. He already watched Home die once, he's really not inclined to repeat that experience.

Unfortunately he let's Home convince him it'll be fine (and unfortunately Home has retained a lot of that naivete that he displayed when he first met Kan) so he's left behind to worry about Home's safety.

10

This plan from the uncle is absolutely evil. To not only kill his nephew but make people, possibly even Home himself, believe that Peach is the one who killed him? To destroy his nephew's most important person in the process, not only worldly by framing him for murder, but also spiritually by having someone (Home!) die from his cooking? I'm sure to Kid this was mostly a matter of hitting two flies with one stone but whether intentional or not this plan is clearly designed for maximum cruelty. And it's made even more cruel by the love and trust Home and Peach clearly have for each other, plain for everyone, even the evil uncle, to see. But he doesn't even grant Home the knowledge of being loved at the point of his death.

Stop trying to bury our gays you pos uncle!

11

As a palate cleanser, please enjoy this image of the whole happy family. Including the dads, their daughter + her wife, and ... Suradech!

Lesbian Corner

Kan has been spending so much time with Pangpang that she's internalising her speech patterns.

And THIS is her reaction when Peach calls her out on it. Someone's in luuurve!

[perplexingly]

Ok so you like self destructive tragic characters right. Self inflicted trauma on top of external trauma type stuff. (I've been thinking about Anders lately and you described him this way and I. can't stop thinking about it.) Can you elaborate on this type of characterization and what exactly makes a character written this way successful and not come off as just incompetent, frustrating or pure evil? I've found myself keeping an eye out for more characters like this but I haven't found any more that aren't shoved squarely in the "evil villain" box both by their source material and their fandom. As a character creator myself I'd love to write more characters like that and given how much you seem to appreciate them I'd love to hear your input. (Hope this ask isn't too weird, I just love well rounded characters that don't fit the status quo and I'll take that wherever I can get it.)

(Also, I've been replaying Skyrim recently before getting back into DA and once again our gaming interests have somehow realigned and all your posts about Enderal are tempting me to try it myself. I'm curious what mods you use, if any beyond Enderal itself? Your posts are the first I've heard of it so I'm not sure if it's even recommended to use mods lol, but I thought it was worth the ask)

Hello! Yes I love characters like that, but I’m afraid I won’t give you the analysis you need, I don’t have many thoughts in my head…

I think that characters like these do come off as all these things you mentioned (just look at all the Anders discourses around, or how Hamlet is perceived as indecisive and pathetic, Captain Ahab as insane, and Victor Frankenstein as “the real monster”), but regardless are still compelling, maybe because they often have very strong convictions, embody that “road to hell is paved with good intentions” proverb? Some of them are also just straight up charismatic (and often kind too!) and it’s easy to like that, though I don’t think that’s a necessary trait to find them interesting. (Anders came off as charming in Awakening as well, but then again, I liked the way he acted in DA2 more). Oh another thing is that they’re almost always the thing that moves the story forward.

Of the top off my head I can think mostly of self destructive characters in classic literature but I’m sure every media and every time period has plenty. Besides previously mentioned I’d also consider characters such as Captain Nemo (by the end of the story at least, for the most part he’s presented as noble and high-functioning), Jekyll of Jekyll&Hyde, Marlowe’s Faust (this one is 100% self inflicted without much external tragedy), any protagonist of any Dostoevsky book, maybe Balladyna (she’s a villainess akin to Macbeth though), maybe Orestes and Electra

Oh for modern works, definitely Captain Flint from Black Sails, Tolkien’s Turin (though there is a literal curse on his family line), Mrs Danvers from Rebecca, maybe Fitz from RotE (though he is more passive than any other character I listed here). I’m sure there are much better examples, it was all off the top of my head though :D

About Enderal, yesss I recommend it highly!! I didn’t use any mods, but there’s a bunch on Nexus (it has a separate page from Skyrim, though I believe Skyrim mods should work as well??). Enderal is more akin to a stand alone game than a mod though, for me it took 60hrs to beat and I didn’t do all of the side quests/didn’t meet all of the named npcs 🥹

Also, good luck with your endeavors!!

[archduchessofnowhere]

We talk about portrayals of Sisi, but I think that Franz Joseph was, if anything, even more misrepresented by the recent period dramas. How would you rank the portrayals of him you have seen/read (in historical novels)? Is there any piece of historical fiction that actually captures his character accurately?

Hello! YES I always focus on Elisabeth but he is also completely butchered in all these new series. I think I've said it before, but basically it's very hard to reconcile who FJ actually was (both as an emperor and as a person) with him being a love interest we as an audience can root for. Specially in these new adaptations in which Elisabeth is outspoken, mature and actively politically involved in the events of the empire (and not just the Compromise). Why would our Girl Boss protagonist want to be with a man who was bureaucracy made flesh, very conservative, and just kinda boring in general? It doesn't work. Thus, his personality also gets rewritten.

I don't really have a decided ranking, but off the top of my head I'd say these are my least to most favorite portrayals:

Sisi & Ich (2023): Do you hate Sisi adaptations that turn FJ into a horrible, abusive husband in order to make his wife look good? Well, this portrayal does just that. He is only very briefly in the movie but I hated every minute of it, personally I was mostly fine with the movie despite all its inaccuracies but there was one scene from this part that was a deal breaker for me. This movie should've been just two hours of Irma and Elisabeth traveling and nothing else.

Die Kaiserin (2022-): The solution of the screenwriters to the problem of "how do we make FJ likeable?" Basically turning him into his brother Maximilian lol. You see, he has liberal ideas but his evil mother doesn't let him pursue them! Oh, and he had nothing to do with those executions, that was also his mother! In fact everything bad he ever did was all his mother's fault, because he is not even governing, his mother is. By season 2 it almost seems that FJ has absolutely no idea what's going on in his own empire and needs to be explained basic thing like Italian nationalism. This series sanitizes FJ in levels that just aren't seen in any other adaptation, not even the Sissi Trilogy. You are watching the show and can't help but think "who is this guy???". The only thing he has in common with the real FJ is that he loves his wife, but the way their relationship is portrayed is so unlike the real couple that not even that makes him similar to his historical counterpart.

Sisi (2021-2024). This FJ is in the opposite end of the same spectrum as Die Kaiserin's FJ. Season 1 had the original take of not making FJ likeable, but instead they turned him in a borderline cartoonishly evil, violent and smug man. He smiles as he orders executions, he beats his aids for not reason, he openly cheats on his wife and publicly insults her in a fit of jealousy. Honestly I was baffled by this take, because even after all these bizarre changes they still went for a "Sisi and Franz's great love story!" approach for the series. Which was. A choice. They obviously wanted to make him like that so that he could go through a redemption arc thanks to his relationship with Sisi, but it was just not a well written arc, and when his personality does change in later seasons it doesn't feel like earned character grow but simply that the writers decided to tone down their original approach.

Yet I will admit I'm lowkey fond of this portrayal, I liked most of his storyline in season 2 (he spends most of the season bonding with a feral child and also definitely has a thing going on with Andrássy you can't convince me otherwise), and in season 3 I found myself agreeing with him. So yeah, utterly butchered FJ but in an entertaining way at least.

Sissi Trilogy: I'm honestly overall indifferent to this FJ; he is basically the blueprint for every posterior depiction that portrays him as a Prince Charming love interest. Yet, for all the overomantization of Elisabeth's early life, the movies don't shy away from telling us how FJ was directly responsible of the counter revolution executions. We even see how he is still hated in Hungary and Italy (at least until Sissi comes into the scene). A certain show from a certain straming service could learn that it's not necessary to completely sanitize his image and pin all his faults onto his mother to make Franz Josef into a palatable love interest.

Sisi (2009). I feel about this FJ almost the same as I feel about the Sissi Trilogy's FJ, but in this portrayal we do see more of him than just "Sisi's love interest". Also it's not always all the color of roses, he and Elisabeth disagree and fight more than once. His relationship with his brother Max is also really interesting, pity they only interact in like three scenes. Overall a solid take, if a bit romanticized and not particularly remarkable.

Kronprinz Rudolf (2006). Not a bad take but for what I remember they portrayed Taaffe as having this great influence over FJ and putting him against Rudolf. And like no the evil minister was not responsible for FJ distrusting his son He Was Like That.

Elisabeth das Musical: the only depiction on this list that I truly like, and it really proves that the only way to have a good FJ is to not make him into a love interest. He is only a supporting character and yet the musical nails the most important bits of his personality and his relationship with Elisabeth outstandingly well (loved his wife but never understood her, cheated yet still longed for her, let her go but always hoped she would comeback next to him). There's even room to also show his relationship with Rudolfl! The only thing that I don't really like is that they do portray his mother as having a lot of influence over him, but that's mostly because the musical has an outdated take on Sophie (which works pretty well in a storytelling level nonetheless!). Boote in der Nacht is the saddest song in the entire musical, and the musical is not even about FJ and Elisabeth as a couple. Just a great, nuanced and engaging take!

I know I'm missing a lot FJs but these are the ones that came to my mind right now; I don't think I've ever seen Franz Josef in a piece of media that isn't about Elisabeth or Rudolf. Thank you for your question!

[rahleeyah]

What are your thoughts about Elliot Stabler consistently being labelled as 'toxic' for Olivia Benson? Despite all their differences, I always have found him to be very caring and respectful towards her.

Well my first thought is who is saying this consistently? Anyone who calls Elliot - not the EO relationship, not them together, but Elliot specifically - toxic is not someone whose opinion I value, really. That's not someone who sees him, who can actually recall his on screen actions or his words. That's someone who has an idea of who he is that is separate from what we actually know about him and like. Sure that's frustrating but we can't change everybody's mind and we'll go crazy trying. So like. Let em be wrong, you know.

Yes, Elliot was good for Liv. He looked after her. Sure she didn't advance in the job, didn't have a stable long term romantic relationship while they were partners, but to pin the blame for that on Elliot is reductionist and frankly a lil immature. Liv didn't have those things bc she didn't want them; she had what she wanted already. Elliot never stopped her from going for Sergeant; she never gave any indication that she wanted to! And for all that we talk about jelliot, the only time we actually see him give any of her boyfriends shit is Porter, who he already disliked for reasons unrelated to Porter fucking Liv, and we never saw him say anything negative to Liv about the men she was with. Hell, even Kurt, he goes to see Kurt bc he wants Kurt to help Olivia, and he is not unkind or violent or loud or anything toxic during that interaction.

It's back to Huang's classic question: how does she make you do anything? Huang helps Elliot realize Liv wasn't making him do anything; Elliot was making his own choices bc he cared for her. Olivia made her own choices bc she cared for him. Not seeing that, blaming Elliot for that, is a denial of Liv's agency over her own life.

Did they fight? Sure!! But for every sharp word he ever said to her she threw her own right back; he wasn't victimizing her. They were equals!! And equally complicit!

Now if you want to call their relationship toxic, sure, I've done that myself - half joking, but only half. It's toxic in the way they shut everyone else out, lie for each other, break the law for each other. Toxic in the way that if this was real life you probably wouldn't want to be friends with them bc my God, the drama. But it is not toxic in the sense that they hurt each other.

I think it boils down to the fact that people have an idea of Elliot, an idea they don't like, and in this current media climate standard practice is to moralize our preferences. If I don't like this thing it must be morally wrong. I am good and pure and right, and anything I don't like is evil and fucked up and wrong. It removes nuance from the conversation. It's not serious commentary.

[tinyfantasminha]

TALK ABOUT YOUR SONIC 3 EXPERIENCE 👹

HHHHHHHHHHHhhhHHHHHHHHHHHH

OKAY before anything else I want to state that I am well-versed enough in sonic lore and I played Sonic Adventure 1 + 2 and watched Sonic X in japanese so I'm VERY biased 😫(also I watched it in the PTBR dub so when I mention dialogues it might not be totally accurate to the original audio BUT I did as much research as I could 😫)

Overall the movie went pretty much the direction I was expecting 🤔it wasn't 100% accurate to SA2 sure but?!? The changes were not bad at all! I remember when I saw the trailers I was a bit doubtful on Gerald being present throughout the movie but he ended up BEING ONE OF THE BEST THINGS OF THE MOVIE OHMY GOD BLESS JIM CARREY 😫 I found myself having a blast of fun and laughing at EVERY single scene of him and Eggman just doing silly (for evil reasons >:)) shenanigans

EGGMAN'S AND STONE'S DIVORCE ARC 💔💔The ''toxic'' yaoi was only a facade..... they were actually just doomed yaoi this entire time 💔

THEY ACTUALLY DID THE ''talk about low budget flights ✈️🙄no food 🍿🍕or movies 🎞️📺💅i'm outta here 😂😂😂🏃🏃'' IM CRAYZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Tails was OK in this movie, not really as interesting as he was in movie 2 but ooOHHMYNGOODDD KNUCKLCKES 😫😫😫😫😫😫💕 I LOVE LOVE LOVE the movie characterization for Knuckles... the big-brother coded scenes ..... the highlight was definitely the scene when he and Sonic are arguing about the Master Emerald, OML THE TRUST HE HAS IN HIS BROTHER

Ok let's skip to the good part already. SHADOWWWWWWWWWW SHADODWWWWBWHGHHGHDHJFGDFJNJNFD THE INITIAL SCENE WITH HIM KNOCKING OUT THE GUN SOLDIERS AND TELEPORTING I WAS JUMPNIG IN MY SEAT POIUNTING AT THE SCREEN THEY REFERENCED SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG 2005 OPENIGN IM SHITTING MY PANTS I COULD ALMOST HEAR I AM ALL OF ME IN THE DISTANCE OML

Shadow's and Maria's story was done spectacularly. It was SO nice to see how their daily life was..... Maria getting to act just like a pre teen her age, they danced and watched movies together.... 😭😭😭I was almost tearing up at that sequence just by knowing that these peaceful moments would come to an end. Her death was a liiitle different than what we expected yeah they wouldn't just fucking shoot a 12 year old in a kids movie unfortunately but it had the same impact nonetheless and dAAMMN Gerald's absolutely HAUNTED look??! I GOT CHILLS

Okay but hands down the moment that I just can't get out of my head??? ''Oh Ivo... you're no Maria.'' I LEGIT GASPEDDDDDD like yeah I did expect Gerald's plan because that's what happens in canon after all but I was NOT expecting this level of coldness towards his own — and REMAINING — family. Not a twist villain, but a villain with a twist. I may have gotten spoilers for the post credit scenes but I'm SO GLAD I wasn't spoiled for this. (Also me and my friends laughed out loud when he went down like a looney tunes villain 😭)

I was spoiled that Amy appeared in the post credit (the kid behind me was also saying ''oh Amy will appear'' 💀) but UUUHHH IDK HOW I AVOIDED THE METAL SONIC SPOILERS SO I WAS LEGIT SHOCKED. The only time I admittedly screamed in the theater, ''WHAT IS THAT?!? METAL SONIC?!?!!!'' OKAY SO SONIC 4 WILL BE BASED ON SONIC CD IG........... I regretfully am not really well versed in classic Sonic lore BUTTT I WATCHED SONIC OVA A LOT so PLEASE PLEASE if Metal turns out to be the main antagonist in Sonic 4 PLEASE make Sonic OVA references 😭🙏 ESPECIALLY TO ITS CLIMAX...... if you know you know.

AND LAST THING BUT THEY DID IT. TJEY DID IT THEY DID IT IM FUKCCN CRAZY

NOT ONLY SHADOW IS A FEMINIST HE ALSO LOVES LATINAS CONFIRMED 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 GABRIELLA SHOULD KILL THEM BOTH SHES NOT A PRIZE TO BE WON !!!!!!!!!!!! THANKY YOU SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG YOURE THE REAL ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

so glad I went with my special shirt for this occasion 🙏🙏🙏 IF NO ONE GOT ME I KNOW SHADOW GOT ME

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s7 episode 14 “theef” thoughts

the good news is that it’s all up from the last episode, right?

so... hexes. on doctors. 

woah, i see the next episode involves scully AND CSM? together? journeying?? now, i’m very interested in this!!! but first we must deal with these doctors and their rare illnesses.

hey, if i time things right, i might be able to watch chimera- which says it takes place on easter, or around it- on easter weekend! that would be cool!

okay, back to the doctors, though. i wonder why the title is “theef”…

post-episode thoughts: oooh, a spooky one! how i was frightened! but it was a really great episode, so i cannot complain about being scared. i feel great relief at knowing the show can still produce wonderful episodes such as this, even after the ones i consider to be flops, like the biogenesis arc and closure and the last one that shan't be named.

i will think about mulder's scully impression forever and ever and it will bring me great smiles in trying times.

let's goooo!

we open on a beautiful california mansion. seems we have a grandfather, a husband and wife, and their daughter. and the father won an award for being the bay area doctor of the year. grandpa takes a picture of all of them together. it seems very sweet, but i am sure that there must be some evil going on underneath the surface. no one can get a house THAT nice by legitimate means.

he says that this is the cherry on top of how lucky he is, and the husband and wife kiss. his name is robert, btw. grandpa irv is going to stay on the couch. when he finds what looks like a stick figure made of… herbs? or blood, or something?? on the couch. eeeeww. he wipes it away- it looked like dirt- and a GUY WAS BEHIND HIM, NAAAAH, I DO NOT LIKE THAT.

their alarm system is going off. robert goes to investigate. irv is sitting there. menacingly.

OAUGH!!! he is hanging from the ceiling- NASTY. blood everywhere. scary scary music.

AND ON THE WALLS “THEEF” IS WRITTEN IN HIS BLOOD.

AH MAN, WE GOT A SPOOKY ONE TONIGHT!!! WELL!!! my timbers are shivered. the fuck!?! not the old man!! he just wanted to take pictures of his family!!

okay, so my first guess is that a rival doctor who didn’t win the award paid someone to put a curse in this family??? we shall see if that is true. 

nasty. nasty, gross.

intro time!!!! "government denies knowledge", reads the same text overlay as always. aww. these guys have a special place in my heart. 

mulder is investigating the blood on the wall. asking scully what she thinks "theef" could mean- “a name, possibly, or a code or an anagram?”

HE JUST TRIED TO DO AN IMPRESSION OF HER ASKING WHY THEY’RE HERE, LMAOOOOO. STOP. i’m SHOCKED, but in a positive way, bahahaaaa.

“mm, to be fair, i might have used the words, 'mulder, how is this an x file?'” “you see that, scully, you always keep me guessing” (he said this with so much affection it was actually stupid)

oh, we are so fucking back, baby. i’m gonna giggle myself to sleep.

irv was found hanged with his throat cut- and he was a doctor too, btw- his family was nearby but didn’t see or hear anything. they made the report, so it seems like it wouldn’t be them who did the killing, and if he hurt himself, who wrote the message? maybe he wrote it before dying, and "theef" means something to him?

she’s whispering at him “doesn’t make it an x file” and he whispers back “oh, there’s one detail that does” <- STOPPPPP. I’M GONNA LOSE MY MIND.

these two..... i'm giggling. they kiss ONE time and this is the result.

“this” “dirt?” <- LMAOOOO

he's showing her the smeared dirt where before we saw the stick figure fellow irv found. before he promptly met his end.

she asks if he really thinks it’s a magical murder… “now, i know what you’re going to say, scully-” “no, hexcraft. i mean, i’ll buy that as the intent here. certainly jibes with the evidence”

ooo, scully thinking hexcraft is a plausible intent is juicy. intent is different than method, though. so i wouldn't say it is her putting real stock in the theory that witches can kill people with their dirt and herbs.

he’s watching her as he puts the dirt in a bag, LMAOOO

she says they should talk to the family, gets up to leave, and turns and says “i’ll always keep you guessing” which makes him LAUGHHHHH OH. THESE DORKS!!!! they're so IN LOVE!

i almost didn’t watch an episode tonight because i’m a little under the weather, but now i am glad i did. 

robert says it was probably the greatest night of his life…. until… and scully wants to cut to the chase. in his time as a doctor, did irv make any enemies? robert says no. 

the daughter gets upset when they ask if her father, robert, has any enemies, saying he is a good man who saves people’s lives. which makes her a prime suspect to me. like, who knows what “theef” means? why does she assume someone is actually calling her dad a thief? it could be code!! she seemed a little too eager to defend him...

robert says that if he has any enemies, he doesn’t know them. hmm. a likely story.

we cut to someone cleaning a room, with the news of the murder playing on the TV. she hears someone muttering. knocks on his door- his name is mr. peattie. peat. like dirt. heh.

she tells him he isn’t supposed to be cooking. and he opens the door. 

AH! it’s the guy who appeared behind irving right before he died!! oh, i am spooked once again. people who show up places they were not momentarily before always get me frightened. 

“that smell like something you wanna eat?” he asks. he says it’s medicine. and then offers her a poultice for her back. “old peattie fix you right up”

so we are going back and forth from creepy to sweet agents to creepy tonight!!! okayyy!!!

maybe robert wouldn’t take this peattie fellow's insurance or something and he had to resort to medicinal healing?? or there was some sort of billing or clerical error that denied him treatment?? and that is why he hates him?? or maybe he thinks he should be doctor of the year for his poultices? hmm…

he has a bunch of potions and chicken feet in his room and is sewing up a little doll. oHHHH girl, i’m spooked tonight. maybe it’s the very quiet scary music playing as we see this. and he has another doll that’s been hanged!! is that supposed to be irving?? so…. many…. dolls…. and dissonant chords…. waugh!!

a more triumphal tune is playing as our hero scully is hard at work in the morgue, analyzing irv's condition at the time of death. mulder bursts in with news: the dirt they found at the crime scene comes from a graveyard. “it’s one of the most powerful hexing elements” he says. i would need to wife that man up so bad.

OHHHHH MY GOD she just says “uh-huh” into her microscope and he lowers his voice, smirks, and says “go ahead, scully, keep me guessing” <- HELLO???? i mean, we have seen some BLATANT flirting on this television program, but holy hell, that has to be some kind of record.

“kuru”, she declares. this word means nothing to me, but mulder knows what it is: a disease from eating brains. one that isn’t even supposed to really exist anymore!! but irv's brain is filled with the marks!! is he from a cannibal doctor family? and that is why they have all that money? from their secret cannibal doctor activities?

she thinks that he for sure had the disease and did that to himself. but mulder thinks that it was inflicted upon him. she nods, taking that in. 

back at the doctor’s mansion, the wife notices a picture on their wall is crooked. i feel bad- i don’t even know her name! she goes to fix it. oh, we learn it just then: her name is nan. and her husband is calling out to her.

NOT THE FUCKING GUY IN THEIR HOUSE AGAIN!!!

the photo that was in the frame is gone. she wants to know who took it. robert thinks maybe it was the police, who needed it as evidence. 

meanwhile, peattie is putting a picture of nan’s FACE onto one of his scary dolls!! he starts to sew it up. nan says she can’t live here, and neither can lucy (who must be the daughter), not after what has happened. did peattie just vanish?

robert grabs nan’s shoulders, saying that her father had an aggressive form of dementia- that is what the FBI found out in their autopsy, and he agrees. is… that really what they found out, robert? because i thought they found out about a cannibal disease. he tells her that they will get through it. 

GASP! he goes to get in bed and finds a dirt man in there!!! just like before. and when he turns around, his wife is turning into a zombie!!!

the effects kind of made me laugh, but also were kind of disgusting, EEEEWWW. lucy walks in and he yells at her to call 911. peattie is outside, mumbling into the doll.

i’m spooked!!! i’m scared!!!

nan is in a hospital bed, covered in horrible scabs. robert says he has diagnosed it as “diffuse cutaneous leishmaniasis”, which must be a series of real words because my autocorrect knew them, but i have never seen them before in my life. scully looks shocked. he clarifies it is “old world type”, which probably means something important to someone like her.

mulder: “i take it that’s rare” scully: “in san francisco? it’s unheard of” 

i love scully showing off her doctorly expertise and mulder admitting when he doesn't know something <3 it warms the heart

mulder tries to tell robert he thinks someone directed this at his wife and her father. and robert demands scully tell him off for that. he clarifies he is talking about the use of folk magic, as if that makes it more believable (hint: it does not, but we still love you, buddy). 

“you mean like, baba yaga?” “i was actually thinking less eastern and more celtic. maybe scots-irish or appalachian, even” <- he’s such a neeeeeerd... i love him. i want to hold him close.

this, of course, does not go over well with dr. robert, who does not think he will lose in a battle of dirt versus modern medicine. even if scully tries to hit him with the “regardless of the particulars” and the invitation to accept their protection, he denies everything. you could see this coming. 

scully is not pleased. “oh yeah, mulder, win him over” she says. it's mulder, though- what else would he do but tell robert what he really thought? he is convinced that they need to stop the magic. he says he wants a second opinion. 

robert is putting up the MRIs taken on nan- and the markings spell out “theef” on her brain!!! peattie laughs. and appears behind him! “truth always hurts, don’t it, doc?” <- THEY KNOW EACH OTHER?

well, i guess not, because robert asks who he is. “what do you want for me?” “oh, don’t you be frettin’ none about that. i gettin’ my nickel’s worth” what does that mean…

he says it is about lynette peattie. robert doesn’t seem to know who he is referring to. he asks how he has offended peattie- and he says if he thinks on it for a while, it’ll come to him. and then he runs away. and seems to vanish. 

so robert looks "lynette peattie" up in his files alongside his assistant, and they can’t find anything. they try jane does instead- he treated 3 in the last few years. and he pulls a bracelet looking-thing in one of them that says “theef of mans heart” <- ohhh…. the dots... they are connecting

peattie is sewing up another doll, saying he will remember. talking about a dog. “he crawled up under that house the very day you left” <- what is going on…

someone approaches him. it’s the lady from before, thanking him for the poultice that helped her back. she would like a little more. she says it’s stinky. and he says stinky is good. 

the agents are in an occult shop. mulder asks for some alternative medical advice. scully looks deeply displeased.

he pulls out the dirt, which the lady working the shop declares to be “goofer dust”, used for conjuring. how would you make someone sick using that? and realizing that this seems very suspicious, he says they’re investigating a murder and flashes his badge.

scully’s face of disgust is soooo funny. 

“a voodoo doll!” says scully, sounding excited “no, they’re called poppets” corrects the shop keeper. LMAOOO, aw, poor scully. she doesn’t know all the demonic lore!!! give her some time to catch up!!

so to give someone a specific disease you need one of these, three rose thorns, a strand of hair, and a photo of the person. huh, the photo is a relatively new invention. wonder how they cursed people before then. but it explains the missing picture in the house.

if their guy is powerful enough to do murder, he is probably drawing off the power of a charm. so they will have to separate him from his charm.

who knew that charms are what give magicians their powers? not me! i would have thought that the doll alone could do the trick! but i guess it sort of makes sense. sort of.

peattie is at the hospital, trying to break a snack out from the vending machine. the assistant tells him he has to pay first before he can get some popcorn. and then tells him to put it in the microwave, and that is how you get the popcorn.

“radiation… come from the heart of the atom. i think it be god’s own glow” <- very ominous thing to say...

robert is bringing their daughter lisa in to come see how nan is doing, and peattie hears this from his nearby popcorn perch. robert says she is doing so much better, that the therapy is working wonders. and nan is talking to lisa! so it does seem to be working, i suppose. but nan’s scared of the machine used to treat her that gives off the radiation. can't blame her.

peattie takes out his popcorn. then another poppet. puts that in the microwave. oh no….. so nan goes back into the machine, and i cannot bear to look. AUGH!!!! she is burnt to a crisp!!! NASTY

(it has been 2 cays since i watched the episode and i am still thinking about how disgusting this was 😭😭)

peattie pulls out the poppet from the microwave and removes nan’s photo…. omfg….

robert is holding a different family photo and crying. asking the agents how someone could arrange for this. 

“theef” was branded into nan’s chest. scully senses that he isn’t saying everything he knows about the case, and gently reminds him that they cannot help if he withholds info from them. so he recounts the visit from peattie and the request to look into lynette. lynette peattie was in a bus rollover, the worst of all the victims. they had to triage. and she was in agony. scully looks heartbroken hearing this.

so he gave her morphine. and she kept screaming. and her heart rate was climbing. so he kept pushing. “i took maybe the last 20 minutes of her life. it was a fair trade to make for the pain” :(

so peattie blames him for not saving her… and mulder puts together that it must be her father they’re looking for, because now he’s stealing robert’s family. mulder says they can protect him. 

jump to a new scene. “if lynette peattie were carlos the jackal, i would have had an easier time tracking her down” oh, scully, and your big black umbrella…. <3

lynette has no records at all, except for from an inoculation program in west virginia. and her father wouldn’t let her be vaccinated against polio. mulder declares this to be deepest appalachia- like he predicted earlier. so he knows his magical geography! 

mulder thinks peattie is getting the graveyard dirt from his daughter’s grave, and that he is drawing the power from her body. he thinks that if they ship her off to quantico, he would lose his power. can they do that? just take a body they think is being used for magic and ship it back to their workplace?

scully doesn’t seem sure what to think, but she has to hold two umbrellas right now, and it is a little funny. augh! the grave is empty!!!

the woman whose pain he helped twice before is knocking at peattie’s door, saying she is hurting again. he’s not answering the door. she takes out a key and enters. it smells bad. she sees something in the bed, apologizes, not knowing he was home. but…. AUGH. her scream…. it is a very dead body. and then he appears behind her. 

the agents are shipping off robert and lisa to a cabin somewhere, but peattie’s watching them from a bush. it seems scully is the getaway driver. and mulder is hiding back in the mansion.

a 56 year old woman has developed a bizarre illness, says the news…. no, not back pain lady…. she has flesh-eating disease. that is so wild!!

someone enters the house of the doctor family. while mulder breaks down the door to peattie’s apartment. the head of the corpse is gone!!!

scully answers her phone from a cabin deep in the woods alongside robert and lisa. mulder thinks peattie is looking for her. he says to keep an eye out- he’s on his way.

augh…. is peattie in the woods??? yes, he is. with the head of his daughter in his bag. soon, he mumbles. very soon. 

he breaks into the car…. scully whips out her gun. NOOOO, he finds scully’s badge!!! which has her photo on it that he can use for hexes!!! she’s got a perfect shot if he tries to walk in the doors, but i don’t think he’ll do that… and he finds a hair from her car…. puts it in the poppet. starts mumbling. pokes something in the doll’s head. and back in the house, she’s gasping. she can’t see!!

peattie comes in!!! and she fires two shots at him, but she can’t see!!! he has a gun. and goes after robert and his daughter. 

robert tells peattie he did everything he could to save his daughter. peattie claims he would have saved her if he was there- but robert shouts that he wasn’t. it was wrong for her to be buried away from her people, peattie says.

scully is looking for something. peattie pulls out the doll. starts to cut into its chest. and robert is moaning. scully is trying to figure out what is going on and mulder pulled into the driveway just in time. he sees the doll and the nails in its eyes. 

DID SCULLY SHOOT PEATTIE WHILE LITERALLY BLIND??? and then her eyes work again after he hits the ground. 

oh my god. talk about a sharpshooter. mulder rushes in with a gun, but it’s been taken care of with agent scully on the scene. she comes over to investigate the poppet with the eyes poked out. 

peattie is in the hospital. scully is watching over him, and mulder says lynette’s body is going back to west virgina.

“you know, mulder, i would have made the same call… as a doctor, if i was certain that i couldn’t save her life and she was in that much pain. i would have done what wieder did” he nods “it seems pretty clear-cut”

“except maybe it’s not” (he’s confused)

“you’re wondering if maybe peattie could have saved her life?” (she looks at him… then looks away. and walks out of the room)

“you do keep me guessing”, he mumbles to no one.

a final look at peattie. and thus concludes the episode.

ohhh, i was HOOKED on this one today. we started off very scary. and then we got a little flirty and sweet, and then we went back to scary town. scully saved the day, and had a moment of uncertainty when it came to her beliefs. she was maybe opening herself to extreme possibilities. and mulder didn’t press. just acknowledged her questioning and accepted it. 

GOD. to have your faith rocked… and for someone to bear witness to that. whew. it’s happened to them both, but we’re fleshing it out more with scully. it was sort of loosely fleshed out with the first two episodes of the season... but only loosely. but i guess it has also been fleshed out here and there from the start, what with the "extreme possibilities" line from beyond the sea... oh, scully… you are so special to me.

and mulder, with his encyclopedic knowledge of magic… so earnest in his convictions

and scully, who can identify a disease that barely exists anymore, and then save the day by shooting an intruder without using her eyes. who is doing it like her?!?!

i’m emotional. i love Them.

i really enjoyed this one!! peattie was a very scary villain and his motivation was rather tragic, but that doesn't make it justified- but it does make it a lot more interesting. especially because robert seemed like such a good guy who made the right call in a difficult situation. at first, the family seemed too perfect, that house a little TOO nice, and then when he said that line about irv having dementia, i thought he was covering something up... but at the end of the day, he was just a genuinely nice person who was terrorized by someone lost in grief. eugh, seeing lynette's body in that body gave me chills, but also made me so sad.

sometimes i forget this show veers into horror because i have so much fun with the episodes that do not do that, LMAO. but this was an excellent example of what a standalone episode can accomplish in that regard.

there is probably something that could be said for the accuracy or lack therof when it comes to the on screen depiction of Appalachian culture and folklore, but i know nothing about it, so i cannot make any comments. maybe in the 80's you really could have a daughter and live so far out in the country that you have absolutely no records of her existence except for a denial of a vaccination. idk, man. i am not the expert in these matters. if you are, please do feel free to chime in and let me know what you thought.

it only took us 7 seasons to see mulder try and do a scully impression. and then he looked SO in love with her all throughout the episode. i can't blame him. but also, his levels of occult knowledge were incredibly endearing to me today, too. i love them both and they love each other. and they catch people using magic as a team.

i'm very curious to see what happens in the next episode with scully and CSM... i don't usually get too deep into title analysis, but the "en ami" sounding like "enemy" and "en ami" translating to "to friends" in french is right there... hmm. the CSM lore thickens. who knows if we will learn any truth at all?! i'm generally wary of the episodes where he features prominently, but i'll keep an open mind.

[sayakxmi]

Some ideas for V3 as Remanants of Despair* under the cut, cuz it's prolly gonna be rambly.

Gonna preface it all by saying that some stuff will likely be inspired by in fact by Buttercup_ghost if not just downright borrowed, bc their takes are great (fully recomending reading the fic), but I'm also trying to add my own spin to it.

Another thing is that I like the idea of V3 Remanants being delusional/convinced they're doing the right thing. They all gave me very strong self-righteous vibes, and it's a recipe for disaster. Like, class 77 are more "burning the world down to burn it" while 79 (V3) are like "gotta burn it/purge it to make it into a better place". Like, Junko specifically used the fact that they are naive and view themselves as good people against them.

Shuichi Saihara

Ok, so first of all - SAWhara? Amazing, spectuacular, never been done before, full credit to Buttercup_ghost bc I love this idea so much. But I kinda like the idea of Despair!Saihara being some kind of a harbinger of truth if you get me. He sort of is one in the game, but there he is gentle and unwilling, but as a Despair, he has none of that kindness he's occassionally willing to give to the culprits. No secrets are safe around him, he will dig it all out to cause strife and despair. Unless, of course, you can actually overcome it. In that case, you have a chance of surviving. He probably doesn't view it as truth ruining people's lives but the lies they'd told to hide it earlier.

Also, again from Buttercup_ghost, but the idea of Junko getting to Shuichi first makes just so much sense. The two best picks are either Shuichi or Kokichi, but I feel like they also cancel each other. They're both capable of falling, but also they're both capable of standing their grounds if others fall first. The difference is that Shuichi is liked and can get Junko close to others, while Kokichi is alone and he'll always be, so getting through him first is a shot in the knee kinda, bc others won't be as trusting as they would've been if you met literally anybody else first, F. Plus, there's a chance of using that loneliness against him later to make him fall, so it makes sense that way, too.

Kaede Akamatsu

It's like semi-borrowed from in fact (it's faster to write the fic titile than the author's, so I'll be doing that from now on), but only semi bc it's something I probably would have come up to myself even without reading it, like, girl decides to take the one for the team & kill somebody, hoping the person that dies will be the one that "deseved" that/was the real enemy, and it's similar here. Some people are Evil and they need to Die.

Rantaro Amami

Something something, failing your family will get you in trouble, that's also why one of the first people he kills are his own parents. I mean, you lost 12 daughters, by now you should have found at least one, you're rich and all that, you can afford it, but apparently it's only Rantaro who cares enough to involve a detective I guess? But, yeah, abusers of all kinds are the targets, neglectful parents etc etc. You get the idea. It sounds ok in paper, but the definition of abuse in his eyes is kind of unclear, so if you beat up your kid he'll be after you, and you can also just have a nasty argument with your spouse, and then you won't have a spouse, so. And, again, the point of V3 as RoD is that they are doing what they believe to be right, but they have sekwed up perception of right and wrong and zero limits.

K1-B0

Something we kinda forget about Kiibou is that he canonically looks down on Shuichi, like, bro just tells him he saw him as beneath him in their last FTE, and only changed his mind after some time. MAN. But, anyway, Despair!Kiibou isn't trying to be perceived as like humans or anything of this sort, I mean, why would he put himself on equal grounds with some people (derogatory)? He's so much better than them! He's a robot, he's smarter, he's stronger, he simply knows best. And people better recognize that or they'll get burned to crisps. I can also see him perceiving himself as somebody who should make the law (a nod to all that lawsuit things), he kinda goes dictator mode I guess. Fuck the three laws of robotics.

Gonta Gokuhara

Straight up stealing from in fact, bc Gonta going around mercy killing people who are "least likely to survive" is peak. Also love him not considering the rest of his class his friends anymore (save for Kokichi, but we'll get to it later).

Angie Yonaga

Again, in fact, Angie believing that Junko is her god makes sense to me. Grl started a cult probably, so first half of chapter 3, but there's more blood, I guess.

Tenko Chabashira

Definitely one of the more difficult ones to turn into a Despair, but I can sorta see her misandry spiking up. My idea is kinda that since Shuichi, a degenerate male, brought Junko to them, which put Himiko and other girls in danger, she straight up blamed him for what happened, and got radicalized over time. Though, admittedly, Despair!Tenko is a subject to change if I come up with something better.

Himiko Yumeno

Chapter 2 body discovery, except she's doing it on purpose. Himiko Yumeno, Blood is Magic. Maybe she embraces the "evil witch" archetype, too. Nobody will question her status as a mage if they're dead. I like where I'm going with it, but I'm struggling to put it into words, I hope you get the idea.

Miu Iruma

I tried to think of something, and against myself I ended up kinda agreeing with in fact again, oh well. It just makes a lot of sense for her to turn into a Despair out of paranoia - get them before they get you, y'know? But it's Miu, so her ego has to be involved somehow. It's a mix, then, she's afraid of everything, but also wants the world to acknowledge her genius and hotness, so if she has to blast some people into fractions, she will.

Korekiyo Shinguji

Listen he was like 16 in the game how tf he managed to not only kill almost 100 women, but also somehow not be caught. Bro isn't exactly the definition of subtle appearance-wise. He's supcious as hell, actually. And for that reason, again, sadly, in fact went into this direction, and so am I. I told you the author's takes were great.

Ryouma Hoshi

Aaaand in fact isn't over. It was awfully simple with him - he has nothing left to lose, so Junko gets him to care about her, and he doesn't care what happens to the rest of the world.

Kirumi Toujo

I'm not 100% sure about it, but I'm kind of vibing with that backstory of hers, that she once served somebody so well that person became unable to do their job, and her opting to do just that, because everybody else is fucking incompetent compared to her, and she deserves far more appreciation. She's resentful, and she'll smile and bow politely and ruin her employers' lives from the inside, showing them they're nothing in comparison.

Tsumugi Shirogane

She's a tricky one, but I can imagine Junko making her recognize her "true potential" or something. She's likely the one who idealizes Junko the most out of everybody, and I can see it as somewhat similar to the Mikan situation, which, oof. She gives Tsumugi all the attention she could possibly ask for, while for the rest of the world she might as well not exist, and she roams it in various costumes, doing whatever she pleases and avoiding responsibility. She's similar to Impostor in a way, but I'd say their difference is that Tsumugi can copy only some general stuff, mostly visually, so she can trick people into believing she's somebody else only for a little bit, while Impostor is so good they could live somebody's life for years and nobody would question it too hard unless they and the original were literally in the same room, and also Impostor can learn their skillsets. Anyway, I think at her core Tsumugi just feels worthless, so she becomes anything else for Junko, and when she's dead, her reason for being herself is gone, too - nobody cares about some Plain Jane, so she wants to become the next Junko to feel the void something something.

Kaito Momota

I'm really entertaining the idea of him just embracing the worst parts of himself - he believes himself to be the hero, the main character, the chosen one, and he requires others to recognize that. He pulls a vigilante, probably, but, as usual in Despair!V3, his view of who is and who isn't a criminal is skewed. But it doesn't matter, because he's never wrong in his judgement. He knows best who desevres or doesn't deserve to live, and he takes all the credit for putting the ones who don't into their grave.

Maki Harukawa

And who else does Kaito take the credit from if not the Ultimate Assassin herself? Ngl, they give me the vibe of Fuyuhiko and Peko. Kaito's the hero, and Maki's his sidekick, his weapon. Her hands can never be clean, but she can use them to make the world a better place by getting rid of all the filth. And she trusts Kaito's judgement, so if he tells her to kill somebody, they'll be dead.

*Kokichi Ouma

In fact gets the credit for making me realize things can be happening in the same universe, and also that V3 can be the ones responsible for what happens to him. Kokichi isn't a Remanant, he essentially takes Chiaki's role. He is by no means his class' hope, but he sure af won't let anybody touch them (well, an attempt was made). I've mentioned by Shuichi that best options would have been either to start with him or Kokichi, and yeah. Kokichi absolutelu could become Despair under the right circumstances, anybody could, but Junko made her choice, and while it was logical, it also meant Kokichi will not fall to her. He was recognized by HPA as the Ultimate Supreme Leader for a reason. Nobody touches his people and gets away with it (whoops, she did). Bro went through a Chiaki-style execution, except he reaches his class who weren't as friendly to him as Chiaki's would've been. By which I mean they toruterd him to near death. Like, I have specifically ideas for Kiibou burning his wrists, making the hand-shaped scars resemble cuffs (punishment for all the robophobia, Kiibou doesn't need the human laws to do things for him, he can judge crimes himself), Gonta knocking him out, bc he wanted Kokichi not to be awake to experience any of that, and at some point when Kokichi looks at Shuichi, Shuichi ends up stabbing him in the eye. RIP.

In the good route, both him and Chiaki survive, btw. Very long story would be that Chiaki, Nagito and Kokichi were friends in HPA, doing some investigating on Kamukura Project and Junko, and for Reasons Nagito was suspended for a while, so he wasn't there when Junko was getting to his classmates, blah blah, Kokichi tells him to go where his classmates went (Chiaki's execution place), bc he has to go after his own to safety or sth (even tells him about DICE in case something happens to him, bc he has a Plan, but no plan is 100% cerain to be succesful), so Nagito gets there when she's still alive if barely, Kamukura arrives, Nagito gets him to help Chiaki anyway. Kokichi's execution happens some time later, and Nagito and Chiaki find out and get to him when he's already like 90% in the grave & thanks to Kamukura he survives.

Bad route has them not get to Kokichi on time, and also at some point both Nagito and Chiak die, so they're both AIs in the simulation, long story.

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; Preacher's Daughter by Ethel Cain (Part II)

TRIGGER WARNING: Violence, abuse, religious themes, ect.

THOROUGHFARE

You knew you had to see it all.

You had to get out and go chasin' its sweet call.

Don't run, I'll take you anywhere.

Hey, do you wanna see thе west with me?

Lovе's out there and I can't leave it be.

Love's never meant much to me.

I'll come with you if you're sure it's what you need.

Every small town diner saw our faces at least once or twice.

I started to see you differently.

For the first time since I was a child, I could see a man who wasn't angry.

It's been a long damn time since I left.

Now that I met you, I finally know just where I'm headin'.

You got lost in it and yet you found yourself. We finally reached the edge after all this time.

I didn't find my love, but I still made it this far without it.

Maybe not, 'cause look at what I've got.

You might not be my love, but, baby, I doubt it.

In your pickup truck with all of your dumb luck is the only place I think I'd ever wanna be.

GIBSON GIRL

You wanna love me right now.

You wanna get alone with me.

You wanna get my clothes off.

You came alone to me from however far away.

You're all the same.

He's cold-blooded so it takes more time to bleed.

Obsession with the money, addicted to the drugs.

Says he's in love with my body, that's why he's fucking it up.

I can be immoral in a stranger's lap.

Something they all want that only you can have.

You wanna fuck me right now.

You wanna see me on my knees.

You wanna rip these clothes off.

If you hate me, please don't tell me.

I would show you something you can never have.

PTOLEMAEA

I followed you in.

I was with you there.

You love blood too much.

You’d do wеll to say yes to me.

Suffering is nigh.

Even the iron still fears the rot.

Hiding from something I cannot stop.

I can't lead him back.

You poor thing.

There's nothing you can do.

It's already been done.

Show me your face.

Please don't look at me.

I can see it in your eyes.

Tell me, what have you done?

Make it stop, I've had enough.

I am the face of love's rage.

I am no good nor evil, simply I am.

I am here now as you run from me still.

You can't hide from me forever.

SUN BLEACHED FLIES

They talk all about that money and how their babies are always changing while they're breathing in the poison of the paint.

God loves you, but not enough to save you.

Good luck taking care of yourself.

That's how my daddy raised me.

If they strike once then you just hit 'em twice as hard.

In the end, if I bend under the weight that they gave me, then this heart would break and fall as twice as far.

We all know how it goes.

The more it hurts, the less it shows.

I still feel like they all know, and that's why I can never go back home.

I spend my life watching it go by from the sidelines.

God, I've tried, but I think it's about time I put up a fight.

I always knew that in the end no one was coming to save me.

I just prayed and I keep praying.

If it's meant to be then it will be.

I met him there and told him I believe.

I forgive it all as it comes back to me.

I can't let go when something's broken.

It's all I know and it's all I want now.

STRANGERS

Don't talk to strangers or you might fall in love.

You devour like smoked bovine hide.

I never considered myself tough.

You're so handsome, walking over to me.

I tried to be good.

Am I no good?

My memory restricted to a Polaroid in evidence.

I just wanted to be yours.

Can I be yours?

Just tell me I'm yours.

We'll make love in your attic all night.

Euphoric in some strange delight.

I'm happier here 'cause he told me I should be.

You're so handsome when I'm all over your mouth.

Am I making you feel sick?

Found you just to tell you that I made it real far.

I never blamed you for loving me the way that you did.

While you were torn apart, I would still wait with you there.

Don't think about it too hard, or you'll never sleep a wink at night again.

Just know that I love you.

I'll see you when you get here.

[sorrowsofsilence]

Burning Out • VII

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

I was lost, but now I'm found Under the lights and in the sounds So let us sing and sing it loud That we're not perfect, but we're proud of who we are.

Noah Sebastian is lost. His crime-filled lifestyle is anything but perfect; but everything changes once he meets you.

Words: 4.4k

General Fanfic Warnings: 18+, explicit language, smut, alcohol, drugs, violence, mentions murder/suicide, panic attacks/anxiety, nightmares

Authors note: Chapter Seven - I wish I wasn't lost (EDITED 09-03-24)

new? start from chapter one here

THIS IS A FANFICTION USING REAL PEOPLE IN A FICTIONAL SITUATION! I AM NOT IMPLYING THESE PEOPLE WOULD DO THE THINGS IN THE STORY OR ACT THE WAY THEY DO IN THE STORY, IN REAL LIFE! IT IS SIMPLY FICTION, AND JUST FOR FUN! THINK OF THEM AS ACTORS LOL.

+

I moaned as she slid down one more time and I gripped her hair, holding her still. I filled her tongue as threads of my release coated the back of her throat. The sight below me left my legs shaking as I pulled away, tucking her hair behind her ears, and rubbing my fingers underneath her chin in endearment.

What have I done?

“Good girls swallow,” I whispered and she moaned.

“Open,” I said, watching in complete reverence as she stuck out her tongue, showing me that she obeyed, drinking in all of me.

I leaned down towards her, pulling her chin up to kiss me as I melted into her lips, sighing with commitment.

What have I done?

+++++

NOAH

I wonder how How can it be that two souls live beneath my chest? I wander on Through the snowfall And the firestorm

One week passed.

I had resorted to stealing from a few homes, but the objects I took were worth nothing compared to the cost of Y/N's drugs. After selling everything, I only made 4.5k, barely enough to maintain my daily goal of 645; and I was desperately trying to come up with another scheme to earn more cash. With my stolen money in hand, I went to one of D's associates, feeling a surge of anger at the smug grin on his face as he greedily snatched the envelope from my grasp.

‘Having fun Sebastian? Surprised you even made this much yourself.’It took everything in me to walk away without bashing his fucking face in.

As each day passed I was being eaten alive by guilt, and I could barely look at Y/N. She noticed the shift in my behaviour, persistently asking me what was wrong and if she had done something.

‘Nothing,’ I would say.

‘Just stressed,’ I would say.

Our final night together was the night I stole her medication. As she held me in her arms, drifting off into a peaceful slumber, I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes. Instead, I quietly cried while she slept, unaware of the lies that lay next to her.

The next morning, I lied and said I would sleep in the spare bedroom across the hall. The expression on her face was heart-wrenching.

‘Oh, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I know that the nightmares are hard to deal with.’ She had said, her eyes falling briefly before she attempted to hide her expression with a smile.

My heart yearned at her words, wanting to hold her against my chest, ready to block out all the evil in the world if it meant protecting her. It wasn’t the nightmares that pushed me away, it was myself.

‘I don’t want to invade your space more than I already am.’ I responded.

I watched her take her pills when she did, my chest clenching in shame with every sip of water that followed the lies.

I wish I wasn't afraid of The haunted valley

The boys watched the remorse control me as I began to shut off the world, secluding myself from Y/N, and them.

I wish I wasn't a failure That nobody needs

“Noah?”

In the depths of my mind, I'm lost and confined A question gnaws at my core; I can't deny

“Noah.” Am I a mere illusion, a ghost in the crowd? Or do I carry a soul screaming out loud?

“Noah!”

I pulled out my earbuds at the call of my name, and my eyes squinted open. Ruffilo stood over me as I lay on the mattress in the basement, drowning in lyrics. The music blared from the removed bud as Nicholas glared, folding his arms.

I wish the voices in my head stopped their shrill tongues Just for a second so I could breathe some fresh air For a moment so I could stop sinking into despair I am a traitor in the face of myself

“Did you want to work on the song?” He asked, “Or are you wallowing in self-pity?”

A slave to a maggot that eats away my soul I ask the mountains to consume me as a whole How long will I be captured in this maze in the hail?

The song.

Y/N had hooked us up with a gig at Sammy’s tomorrow night, and Jolly had the brilliant idea of finishing our first-ever set with an original song; despite us never even playing for an audience. I wasn’t sure if I was more nervous about playing some shitty music in front of an audience of strangers, or that one of the audience members would be Y/N.

I shrugged and closed my eyes, sinking into the softness of the pillow with the bud still in my ear. Nicholas shook his head at me. He leaned over, tugging on one earbud to make me listen to him.

"Come on, you can't mope forever," he said with a sigh.

"I can try," I retorted, pulling the bud back from him as I sat up.

"You've been ignoring her for days. Can't you see how much it's hurting her? You messed up, not her." Nicholas' words hit me like a slap in the face.

I turned away from his piercing gaze, but I couldn't help but notice Jolly and Folio pretending to work while eavesdropping on our conversation.

"She's been bringing your regular coffee every day after work because you haven't even been showing up," Nicholas continued, his tone sharp.

I felt guilty as I chewed on the inside of my cheek, unable to meet anyone's eyes. She has?

I rolled my head back “I know. None of it is fair to her.”

Nicholas perched on a chair by the wall, observing me with caution in his eyes. "You need to stop taking your guilt out on her," he said.

I let out a deep breath and got up from the bed, tossing my earbuds onto the sheets. "I can't even look at her without feeling like she sees through me," I admitted.

"Is that such a bad thing?" Nicholas asked.

I scoffed and threw my hands up in frustration. "Yes it is, because I took her pills and had to watch her swallow fake ones," I ranted as I paced around the room. "Pills that are supposed to help her, but are nothing but deceit!"

Nicholas kept his gaze on me, his brow furrowed. Folio's face also showed disappointment as he watched from the side.

"She takes those pills expecting relief, but I took that away from her!" I stopped walking for a moment, pressing my palms against my eyes and exhaling loudly in turmoil.

"You made a choice," Nicholas stood up and approached me, standing in front of me.

He looked into my eyes with a mix of anger and sadness. "I hate seeing you like this, Noah, but you messed up."

"I know I messed up, Nick," I replied, my chest rising and falling rapidly. Nicholas wrapped his arms around me, offering comfort.

"You need to tell her," he advised, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

I collapsed into his hug, holding onto my brother tightly. "I can't...not yet," I whispered.

“So you plan on ignoring her for weeks until everything with D is over?” Nicholas shook his head, “We’re living with her now. You can’t just avoid her and you shouldn’t after everything she’s done for us.”

I stepped back from him and nodded in agreement, “I know; that’s why I’ve been considering...”

“Considering what?” Nicholas raised an eyebrow.

“A pharmacy robbery.”

“By yourself?” He chuckled, watching me carefully. “Are you serious?”

I heard Jolly laughing in the corner and gave him a sharp look.

“Of course I'm serious,” I shrugged. “But I could make a ton of money from this Vincent guy by getting pure drugs.”

“The last time you pulled off a big solo heist was when we got into this mess in the first place. You don't take on big jobs alone.”

The lights flickered around the room as I sat on the motel bed, my chest heaving with excitement. A seventeen-year-old Ruffilo sat beside me with the tattoo machine ready to brand my knuckles as twelve-year-old Folio watched eagerly.

“Today’s the day,” Jolly cheered, a wide smile stretching across his face as he threw a beer in my direction, “Our young padawan becomes a man.”

The can fumbled between my fingers as I looked down at it proudly, jittering with thrill. Jolly’s never let me drink before.

I opened the can in acceptance, hesitant to take the first sip with shaky hands, before bringing it up to my mouth. The beer was pungent and bitter, my lips puckering with furrowed brows; yeah, it was disgusting.

I tried to hide my distaste with a weak smile, “Yum.”

Jolly laughed, throwing his head back in amusement.

“You might want to chug it,” He said, taking a sip of his own beverage, “the knuckles hurt like a bitch.”

My eyes danced between him and the can as Nicholas and Nick began chanting, “Noah, Noah, Noah!”

Jolly joined with a raised fist, smiling with admiration as I chugged the drink, throwing the can to the floor in excitement as I stomped on it, the scream of elation ripping through my lungs as we all laughed. Nicholas hollered as he grabbed my shoulders, shaking me and I grinned, living within this moment of adventure.

“You ready?” Nicholas said, raising a quizzical brow as I began to feel the buzz. I nodded eagerly, throwing my hands in front of the table placed next to the bed.

Nicholas slid plastic gloves over his own tatted fingers before he wiped my knuckles with an alcohol wipe.

“There’s no going back,” He smiled as I sucked in a breath, anticipating the familiar scratching of the needle as it embedded the letters into my skin.

“Happy fourteenth birthday, baby bro,” Jolly walked over to me, patting my back. He handed me a crumbled paper bag, and with my free hand, I reached inside excitedly, pulling out the fabric.

I bit my lip as I tried to hide my smile but couldn’t. I was finally one of them.

“Your first mask.” Jolly nodded in approval. I tried pulling it over my head but couldn’t with one hand, so Jolly reached over, pulling it down over my face.

He bent down in front of me, his hand on top of my head as he shook me with fondness and it took everything in me not to cry with happiness at his praise.

That evening Nicholas wrapped my knuckles with black tape, protecting the freshly wounded skin. He went over the plan with Jolly, pointing towards the map indicating where I was to go, and where I would meet them after.

“This garage is filled with fancy as fuck cars,” Jolly nodded, leaning over the table, “so you have options. Don’t settle for any car, but don’t linger too long.”

“Remember, Kia’s and Hyundai’s are easier to hotwire, so you’ll have better luck getting in and out,” Nicholas said and I nodded as I jumped up and down, amping myself up.

“The alarms will go off almost immediately once you break in. People in this hotel get that shit valet, so someone is bound to notice right away.”

“Don’t forget, one, Underneath the steering wheel column find the wiring harness connector, Two, Pull aside the battery, ignition, and starter wire bundle, Three, Strip about 1 inch of the battery wires and twist them together. Fourth, Connect the ignition on/off wire to the battery wire.” Jolly listed and I nodded with each of his commands, reciting them back, “And don’t forget to break the steering lock or you won’t be able to drive.”

“Wire bundle, trip and twist, ignition to the battery,” I repeated, “Steering lock.”

+

“Well, I have no choice,” I threw my arms up, laughing, “What, you want me to ask Y/N then?”

Ask Y/N…

“No but-” Jolly started, but I interrupted him. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. She could be a diversion. A distraction in the plan.

“Y/N could be an extra body, and perhaps…” I trailed off, my mind wandering in thought. Yes, this was crazy; and the idea that followed even more so…but perhaps it could work.

“Okay,” Nicholas said as anger started bubbling from his tone as he watched me with disbelief, “And?”

“And,” I grabbed his shoulder as a smile wound up on my lips, “I can steal Y/N’s prescription while I’m there, and then replace her meds. So, she’ll never know.”

Nicholas rolled his head back in annoyance, almost laughing at my words, “Dude, you’re just going to dig yourself a hole here. You can’t be serious. Just tell her the truth about the fucking pills rather than getting her more involved.”

“I will eventually,” I sighed, “Just not now.”

“You do know how hard it is to steal from businesses alone versus a few houses here and there?” Jolly said as he scribbled in his notebook, “What is Y/N going to be able to do? Other than putting her and you in danger?”

“I have a plan,” I said, as I started pacing around the room.

“You’re considering her help? Are you fucking insane?” Jolly’s mouth hung open, “Du är en riktig klydderöv.” (You are an ass who likes to make things harder than they are)

“Listen,” I held my hands up in defence, but Nicholas threw his arms up.

“You can’t be serious; she could get hurt! You’re just using her?” he seethed.

“And you guys aren’t?” I laughed, pointing to the guitars and motioned around the room, “We are fucking freeloaders.”

“Aren't you worried about her getting injured?Caught? Better yet, Arrested?” Nick asked through clenched teeth. Why did he care so much?

“Of course I fucking am!” I growled, trying to not let any more guilt eat away at my insides, “I just want to have her as an extra body for that bit of fear factor. I don’t want her doing anything upfront or dangerous.”

“That’s still dangerous!” Nicholas exclaimed, “The fact she will be in that situation in the first place is not a good idea.”

I nodded in agreement, “I know. But what other choice do I have right now?” My eyes danced past each of the boys.

I knew this wasn’t the best idea, but my options were slim. I wanted to continue whatever was going on with Y/N- I didn’t want to feel this guilt, and if I was being honest with myself…

I was scared.

I was scared she wouldn’t see past my deceit, and I was scared she would hate me. That she wouldn’t forgive me.

I knew I had to make up for everything that had happened, but the first step was getting her proper medication back.

And to do that, I needed her help.

I wonder how How can it be that two souls live beneath my chest? I wander on Through the snowfall And the firestorm

“Let’s work on the song,” Folio changed the subject as the room heated, and I sighed heavily.

“Yeah, whatever,” I sat back on the mattress, pulling up the lyrics I wrote on my phone.

“Whatcha got Noah?” Jolly asked as he picked up the guitar.

“You've run out of luck, and I'm calling your bluff You stabbed me in the back, but not deep enough But not deep enough I see through you.” I hummed.

Jolly nodded as he tried to match the chords.

“Then the chorus, yada yada,” I said, eyes scanning my device as my thumb scrolled the screen.

“You said I'd never make it, you said I'd fall on my face But now I'm right where I belong, and I put you in your place You said I'd never make it, you said I'd make a mistake But now I'm right where I belong, and you've got nothing to say.”

Jolly eyed me briefly with a slight glare as I spoke, and I avoided his eyes.

“I like it,” Nicholas said, plucking the bass.

+++++

Y/N

With my fingers wrapped around the paper coffee cup, I sighed, fiddling with my keys to open the front door to my house.

Noah’s sudden distance made my chest clench in worry.

“look at me, show me those pretty eyes while I fuck your mouth,” he demanded and my lashes flicked up toward him, his body shuddering as I stared into him with complete greed.

The last time we spoke was that night.I chalked it up to him being busy paying back D, but I couldn’t help but feel slightly broken, and that it was my fault for his distance.

Doubt ate at my insides, beginning to regret inviting them into my home.

I wish I wasn't afraid of The haunted valley I wish I wasn't a failure

Maybe Noah saw how unwell I was, after the nightmare. Maybe this whole situation made him uncomfortable. I made him uncomfortable.

That nobody needs That nobody needs That nobody needs

I'm sure he heard me wake up screaming at night, and it hurt me to know that he wasn't the one who came running in to check on me. But that's okay, not that he had to. However, Nicholas was always there in a heartbeat. Living with the boys was easy, and I enjoyed spending game nights with Nick, Jolly, and Nicholas. Surprisingly, we got along well and I developed a close bond with Nicholas over the past few days. He must have noticed my internal struggle because he would often reassure me when I came home between shifts, rushing down to the basement with a cup of coffee to see Noah, only to be disappointed when he wasn't there.

“Hey,” Nicholas had waved, his gaze falling when he saw the coffee in my hands.

“Not home?” I asked, giving him a sad smile.

“No… I don’t know where he is either.”

I shared a curt nod before turning around to run back up the stairs.

“Y/N?” Nicholas called out before I took the first step up.

I stopped, sucking in a breath before sighing, “Did- did I do something wrong?” I asked, turning to look at him briefly.

Nicholas shook his head quickly, “No! No, of course not. You’ve done nothing but be kind to us.”

“Then why do I feel like I’m the problem? Did I scare him away?”

Nicholas’ shoulders dropped as he patted the seat on the couch next to him, pulling me into his side. I rested my head on his shoulder as he rubbed my arm warmly.

“Noah is a difficult creature,” He said, “But I haven’t seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.”

I sniffed, “Then why is he ignoring me?”

Nicholas stiffened at the question, and I tried to shrug it off, but I knew that he knew.

“I- he’s going through it. This is a lot of money for him to get himself, without any help.”

I pulled away from his hug, “I just wish he would let me help.”

I closed the door behind me, smiling down at Juice as he greeted me. I heard someone puttering in the kitchen and assumed it was Nicholas.

“Hey, Ruffilo-” I shouted, slipping off my shoes and prancing into the kitchen. I immediately gasped in surprise when it was not Ruffilo, but Noah, who sat at the table munching on a grilled cheese. Our eyes locked as we silently exchanged words, and my breath hitched in my throat. Why did I feel so nervous?

My face flushed with embarrassment as I stood frozen in place, staring at him for a moment too long before bowing my head in anxiety. My heart raced, and I couldn't help but want to stare at his perfect smile or the way his long hair framed his face.

"Hey," he said gently, his eyes burning into me as I placed my bag on the counter and took a deep breath. I tried to distract myself by placing his coffee on the counter and grabbing a cup from the cupboard to fill with water.

"How are you?" he asked, still gazing at me intensely. I hesitated before turning around, my back pressed against the counter as I let my eyes meet his. I couldn't help wondering why he suddenly wanted to talk to me after days of distance. Part of me wanted to walk away.

"Um," I took a slow sip of water, the cool liquid offering little relief from the tension between us, "I'm good. And you?"

He watched as I took another sip, his eyes scanning over the glass and my fingers wrapped around it. He hesitated before speaking again, as if afraid of what he was about to say.

"I'm okay," he began, trailing off before looking away, fixating on the ground as he spoke softly, "I've missed you."

My heart raced as he revealed his feelings, and I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. Part of me wanted to brush off his words, while the other part wanted to wrap my arms around him and give in to his touch. Did he truly miss me, or was he just trying to ease his guilt for being absent for the past few days? Regardless, the way my breath caught in nervous anticipation showed how thrilled I was to see him.

"I got your coffee..." I murmured, not sure what else to say as I turned and handed him the cup. Our fingers grazed each other lightly as we exchanged the drink, sending tingles up my arm and butterflies fluttering in my stomach - reminiscent of the day we first met.

He gave me a small smile and thanked me shyly, but I could sense that something else was on his mind as he took a sip.

For a brief moment, silence hung between us as unspoken thoughts danced in the air.

“I’ve missed you too,” I confessed quietly as my cheeks warmed, and I began playing with my fingers nervously.

Noah’s ears flushed with colour as he genuinely smiled, “Let me take you out tonight.”

“I- I have work,” I stammered, excitement replaced with disappointment.

“Call in. Let me take you on a date.” He shook his head as he took another sip, refusing to let down.

“I can’t afford to call in,” I gave him a sad smile, “But I would love to go out with you this weekend when I’m free?”

“I’ll give you the money then,” He stood up now, grabbing the glass from my hands before pulling my palms into his grasp, “Just let me treat you.”

His October eyes begged as they bore into me, trying to read my mind. I looked away, trying not to succumb to his silent plea but instead, I smiled, looking at our connected hands. Why was he suddenly being this way?

“Stop looking at me like that,” I laughed.

“Like what?” He teased, before sticking out his bottom lip, packing on the puppy dog eyes.  

“Like that!” I giggled, and Noah tugged on my arms, pulling them so they were wrapped around his body as he buried me in his chest.

I sunk into his arms in alleviation as we swayed in the kitchen to the beat of our hearts.

Part of me wanted to pull away, tempted to see if he would bring me back. The other part of me wanted to berate him for his attitude. Part of me wanted him to take me against the kitchen table. There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, but I didn’t want to ruin this moment together.

“I’m sorry I’ve been distant,” Noah whispered now, his voice vibrating from his chest as my cheek was pressed against his soft cotton t-shirt. I nodded against him in response, squeezing his torso as I closed my eyes, my mind beginning to overthink everything that’s happened between us.

I finally sucked in a breath, hesitant to ask, “Did I do something wrong?”

Noah immediately pulled me from his chest to look me in the eyes with a sullen expression, his hands cupping either side of my face, “You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re perfect.”

My eyes began to glaze over as my mind eased a little, and I chuckled softly, “Definitely not perfect.”

“Definitely are,” He whispered, hesitating once more before his broken eyes began analyzing my own. He made me feel like I had no reason to think he was lying. He made me feel perfect.

Noah watched me carefully before his eyes closed briefly. He sucked in a breath, hesitating, “I- I think there’s something wrong with me. I’m so lost right now.”

“I hope you know you can talk to me,” I matched his tone, my head tilting in empathy as we stood in the kitchen, holding each other. My fingers gripped onto the fabric of his shirt as I pulled him into another hug, embracing all his insecurities.

“I know,” He sighed, before masking his sorrows with a smile.

“Please come out with me,” He pulled away and pleaded again, the pad of his thumb beginning to graze across my cheekbone before tracing the outline of my lips, “I want to spend time with you. I want to hear your story.”

I smiled at his words, my breath catching in my throat as we watched each other, completely mesmerized as my eyes travelled across the outline of his ochre eyes. The slight stubble outlined his perfect lips that wrapped around the whites of his teeth as he smiled charmingly, and it left my palms sweating.

“You know plenty about me now,” He said gently, concentrated eyes devouring me, “So who are you?”

Subconsciously I began leaning in closer to his touch, our lips inches apart, “Why are you so convincing?” I whispered, the warmth of Noah’s breath cascading along my face.

“Ahem.”

I turned immediately at the cough, and Noah pulled away from me, staring back at the ground. I looked between him and Ruffilo, who stood leaning against the wall, watching Noah with analytical eyes.

“Hi, ruffles!” I then smiled warmly, confused at his interruption but happy to see him. He acknowledged me briefly, nodding in my direction before glaring daggers towards the brunette.

“A date?” Nicholas's eyebrows furrowed as he crossed his arms and spoke with a tone of accusation.

Noah gave him a sharp look and I glanced between the two of them, trying to make sense of their tense exchange.

Noah turned away from us, shaking his head. “It's none of your business.”

“It is my business now.” Nicholas stood up, positioning himself next to me in a protective manner.

I furrowed my brow and took a step back from Ruffilo. “Can someone please explain what's going on?”

A cynical smirk appeared on Ruffilo's face as he let out a quick laugh, scoffing at the brunette in front of him. “You didn't ask her where you really wanted to take her out, did you?”

Noah ran a hand over his face. “I was getting there.”

I looked between them again before turning my head towards Noah. “Where were you planning to take me?”

Noah licked his lips thoughtfully before turning to me. “I need your help.”

Chapter 8

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