#《 could've gone in more depth but it was getting long enough as is 》

[tuesdayscanons]

I hopped on the bandwagon even though I probably shouldn't have given how unbalanced this tier list is. (Games that I have no particular ranking for are in as close to chronological order as I can).

Starting with Nostalgia Tier—I haven't replayed these games (at least, not start to finish) since childhood, but I have fond memories of them. They're in chronological order (even though Platinum should be higher than DP for Giratina alone) because my memories are vague and it doesn't feel fair to rank them without having a fresh experience.

I Love It— Though I was initially nervous about pre-ordering it given my regret over buying Sword + DLC, I'm absolutely glad I gave Scarlet a chance. It's one of my favorite Pokémon games of all time—having the freedom to roam around, compelling characters that give me gender envy, a prehistoric motorcycle lizard who is my best friend...there's so much to love about it. Even if there's stuff I miss (like Pokémon Contests or Amie/Refresh), it doesn't feel as noticeably absent as other games. There's even mini-games in Scarlet, which I wasn't expecting—as in, mini-games you can do after post-game. It's no Pokéathelon, but I'm glad there's at least something there.

BDSP gets its own tier because I have complicated feelings about it. Do I wish I had something more, especially given my nostalgia for HGSS? Yes. Did I get some enjoyment out of it anyway, despite its flaws? Also yes. The tier is only so close to the top because I wanted it near Nostalgia tier, but it's not directly below it since I can't justify placing it higher than Scarlet.

If you asked me in 2017, Sun/Moon would be in "I Love It". Upon replaying it, the game was more of a slog than I remembered it being. I had to wait, like, an hour before I could even buy glasses! Scarlet gave me glasses for free! I'm still fond of the Sun/Moon characters, but I do not want to go through that tutorial again. X/Y is below it because I haven't gotten to play it until recently (went straight to Sun/Moon when I got my 3DS and getting X/Y wasn't a high priority). I moreso like the idea of what the game could've been than the game itself. I really like Amie too (which I found out about through Alpha Sapphire) and could totally see myself returning to the game just for Amie.

Alpha Sapphire is neutral for now because I have played it a little, but don't really remember anything from the playthrough. I could see myself potentially liking it.

Sword/Shield has some interesting character designs/town designs, but it felt like a slog to get through. I was amazed when I first started playing because I hadn't seen an "HD" Pokémon game before, though that novelty wore off quickly. I don't really appreciate being chased by Pokémon more than twice my current level either.

LGPE seems like fun—I was considering getting it instead of Sword in 2021, but I thought it would've been better to play the new gen instead. I'm disappointed I missed out on an opportunity to ride on a Shiny Charizard. Seems childish, but the nostalgic factor (I loved the anime) is appealing for me.

Then there's the games I wasn't old enough to experience upon release—not sure if I'll play any of them (especially when some of them already have remakes that I currently own). I own a Ruby cartridge, but nothing to use it with.

USUM isn't appealing to me because I already played SM. The Ultra whatevers aren't worth paying $30-$40 for the same game with an even longer tutorial. As for Legends, it doesn't seem to have a lot going on tbh. Seeing PLA stans constantly shove it down other people's throats and act as if it's objectively superior to every mainline game completely turns me off from it. Not to mention, I already felt anxious in the Sword wild area. Having wild Pokémon attack me would make my anxiety worse.

[alittlerobin]

Elbert/Kate/Alfons

tags: nsfw; threesomes; double penetration word count: 2.8k

“Ahh, nghh…” Kate buried her face in Elbert’s neck, muffling her moans against his fair skin. It was well past dawn, the sun casting light through the blue curtains of his room. Normally, they would’ve already left the castle, but how was she meant to do anything else when she awoke next to him? That fine blond hair that never looked out of place now messed with sleep, his long lashes blinking slowly over well-rested eyes, and the sweet, minimalistic smile that graced his lips as he greeted her. 

It was only meant to be a good morning kiss, light and sweet, and yet… Her nightgown was gone, discarded somewhere on the floor, perhaps alongside the shirt she’d nearly torn off him in her haste.

She straddled his lap, knees flush against his hips as she rode his cock, her fingers tangled in his hair as she took pleasure in messing it up further. 

“Kate… look at me.” 

As if she could ever say no. She tipped her face up, and then her heart was in her throat, her whole body shivering with the vision before her. A flush painted his face, from the bridge of his nose to the tips of his ears, pink and delicate. His lips were kiss-swollen and parted, his breathing heavy as he groaned her name like he owned it. “You’re so beautiful…”

That compliment could still make her laugh. He always said it so sincerely, as if offering a prayer, even though he was the one who caused crowds to gather with his mere presence. How many men and women literally tripped over their own feet for just a glimpse of him, and yet somehow she was the one lucky enough to drown under the weight of his obsessive love?

She crashed her lips against his, drinking in the heat of his tongue and moaning again when his fingers curled over her thighs. He pulled her down onto him as he thrust up, pushing himself further inside, trying to get himself deeper, always deeper, like it was never enough.    

She was so close, thighs quivering as she ground against him, muttering soft pleas against his lips to fill her up and make her his, please, just a little more until—

The latch on the door clicked.  

Kate snapped her head around to look. Elbert’s dark blue gaze cast in the same direction, both staring at the figure that’d just invited himself inside.

"My, my, you both are so very good at staying quiet, I had no idea I’d be interrupting. But I suppose I'd have to ask Roger to verify for me, if I were so inclined.”

The heat coursing through her body flared. She snatched up the bedsheet, bunching it against her bare chest because there was nothing in reach she could chuck at him. "You could've knocked!"

"I did, I assure you.” Alfons smirked, leaning back against the door after shutting it behind him. “Or so I seem to recall. You’ll have to forgive me if I’m mistaken. You two were very late for breakfast and I just wanted to make sure Elbie wasn't forgetting to feed himself yet again. But it seems that he's making more than a meal out of you, my dear."

"...Al." Elbert’s tone was a strained one. Not of malice or anger, but more of conflict. He shifted beneath her and Kate had to bite back a whimper, clenching her walls around his twitching cock.

“Yes, may I be of some assistance?” Alfons’s voice carried all of his usual amusement—with a touch of something more. “You know that I’m always happy to offer a hand, or anything else for that matter, should either of you need.”

No doubt if it were anyone else, Elbert would've covered her up already. And then gently laid her down while he went to gouge their eyes out. But even as Alfons stared at both of them, Elbert only tightened his grip on her thighs, his neatly trimmed nails digging in to leave marks on her skin. His oceanic eyes were dark, the depth in them unwavering. 

She knew that look. That was the look he got when he wanted something. 

From the day she'd met them, it was clear their relationship wasn't normal. And then came every interaction between them, every word exchanged, every gaze, every dangerous game and lingering touch… It wasn’t the relationship of a master and servant, nor one of close friends who’d known each other for years. She’d even wondered if, perhaps years ago, Alfons had insisted to Elbert that he wasn’t beautiful, simply to maintain their balance. Because without Alfons by his side, Elbert would have surely already met his ruin. 

For a while, she'd thought the emotion it stirred inside her was jealousy. But that wasn't quite right. It wasn't a worry of being replaced, of being betrayed, of being cheated. It was a desire for something she didn’t have, for everything that existed between the two of them that she could never replace and would never want to. 

It wasn’t jealousy; it was envy. 

But envy was an emotion more easily alleviated. 

She released the bedsheet and slid her hands up, cradling Elbert’s face to draw his attention back to her. She understood him better now, his wants, his needs, his curse and the darkness that came with it. Not perfectly, and certainly not as well as Alfons, but she was learning… through them both. "Can you be honest with me?"

"Always."

That response, a far cry from her first few weeks at the castle, made her heart flip.

Alfons was a walking temptation, a dangerous idea wrapped in an illusion. There was almost no doubt in her mind that he’d tempted Elbert before, even if she’d yet to gather the courage to ask exactly how far or how often. And then when it came to her, every time Alfons whispered in her ear or swept his fingertips across the nape of her neck, the heat that burned in her belly screamed to be sated. If it weren’t for Elbert, she would’ve already given in. But given that Alfons’s love of Elbert rivaled her own, he would never actually try to steal her away… 

Which made for a simple solution. 

 "You don't want Al to leave, do you?"

“No…” Elbert spoke softly, as if admitting something he felt he shouldn’t. "...I'm greedy."

"I know."

"You're beautiful, Kate. The most beautiful thing in the world. But..."

She smiled, nodding. "So is he."

"Yes. And sometimes I think, if I had you both… maybe I could finally be satisfied."

That wasn’t true. He would never be satisfied, never fulfill the gaping wound left by his curse. But Alfons had never stopped him from trying and, if she wanted him to be happy, neither would she. “I don’t mind.”

From across the room, Alfons cleared his throat. “Excuse me, but am I not invited to this round of negotiations? Is anyone planning to ask me how I feel?”

Elbert frowned, his brows furrowing cutely, but Kate cast Alfons a smile over her shoulder, as sweet as she could manage. “You can always leave.”

“And what fun would that be?”

Alfons crossed the room with the practiced stride of a man who’d done so countless times, and yet when he reached the edge of the bed, he hesitated. 

There was a line there, invisible yet blaring, that would shatter once crossed. Just like dropping a mirror. 

But Elbert was never good at waiting for something he wanted. His fingers hooked into the hem of Alfons’s jacket sleeve, the pad of his thumb brushing against a polished cufflink. “Al…”

“Now, Elbie, we both know you’re not very good at sharing. So what on earth makes you think you can share between two?”

“Because I… I don’t mind sharing with you.”

The triumphant smirk painting Alfons’s handsome face faded for a brief moment, transforming into a soft fondness like that of a slow-blinking kitten, and then he joined them on the bed—a gloved hand taking hold of Kate’s chin and turning her face toward his. 

She’d kissed him before, but not like this, not like—god. His mouth was different from Elbert’s, lips thinner and firmer, but then he sucked on her tongue as his fingers rolled over her breast and she melted all the same. 

Between the three of them, they managed to strip Alfons off his jacket and shirt, his belt buckle clinking against the side of the bed as it fell. Kate hesitated only on his gloves, but then he pressed his mouth to her ear to purr, “Don’t worry, this is already all the fun we can handle,” and stripped those off too. 

Elbert’s hands returned to her thighs, spreading her legs wider as he rocked up, sending spasms through her. A moment later and Alfons’s chest pressed against her back, one of his arms snaking around her waist while his other hand slipped down to find the wetness between her legs, fingertips circling her clit. 

Kate quieted a whimper, throwing her head back against his shoulder. A memory flashed through her mind, of a room and a bed back at the palace, where Alfons had first teased this ill-advised proposal only for her to hastily dismiss it in a fluster. Saying no then had been the right thing to do, mid-mission with her still wearing the queen’s borrowed clothing, but now…? 

His fingers slipped lower, reaching where Elbert’s cock sheathed inside her and stroking against them both. Elbert shuddered under her, his long lashes fluttering as the pretty pink blush coloring his fair skin turned a shade darker. “Kate, I want… kiss me.”

Her eyes flickered momentarily back to Alfons before she leaned her body forward, her chest flush with Elbert’s as she settled her hands on his shoulders and kissed him. It was sweet and unrushed, a maddening contrast to the way he then snapped his hips to plunge deep inside her. She moaned on his tongue and rocked back, startling slightly when she felt a sensation like hard velvet brushing against her lower back. 

Elbert’s hands slid from her thighs to her rear, squeezing her buttocks before spreading them. “Al, come. Join me… Please, she’s greedy here too…” She gasped when he slipped two fingers inside alongside himself, stretching her further. 

“Can the dear little robin handle that much? Normally, you treat her like she’s so fragile.”

The half-sweet, half-mocking of Alfons’s unfairly low voice had her wanting to beg him and slap him at the same time. But then that wicked mouth touched the center of her spine, raining kisses up each vertebrae until he bit a mark into the nape of her neck and pushed the head of his cock inside her while having the gall to mutter, “Pardon my intrusion.”

It was slow, thankfully, or else she might just break between them. Elbert’s nails dug crescents into her skin, keeping her grounded as Alfons sank himself deeper, bit by bit. She moaned, trembling, her eyes shut as ripples of pleasure raced through her. So full, so much fuller than when Elbert fucked her roughly and pushed his fingers inside her alongside his cock, as if he could satisfy his own ravenous desire through her. 

Then, Alfons wrapped his arms around her waist, touching a kiss to the curve of her neck as a soft groan escaped him. “No wonder he’s absolutely obsessed with you.”

She wasn’t any better. If she were, maybe she would’ve had enough sense to object to this, but instead she was dripping wet and unable to stop the moans from spilling out when they both moved inside her. Alfons set the pace for them all and she could feel him smiling each time he kissed her neck and the backs of her shoulders, his slick-soaked fingers rubbing at her clit as if everything else wasn’t already more than enough.

She clung to Elbert, her breaths heavy against his skin, all of her words senseless but pleading. And Elbert, her darling, her beloved—normally so quiet—was panting and groaning along with her. Each push of Alfons’s cock sent her alight and clearly did the same for Elbert, with the way that he arched and tried to seek out more of them both. Greed had never looked more beautiful.  

“Al…”

Elbert reached a hand out for Alfons and Kate saw him take it, pressing his lips to Elbert’s fingertips and then his palm, like a proper servant in reverence of his master. It was so foreign, so out-of-place, and yet so fitting. Like Alfons had finally found something he’d wanted. Kate bit the insides of her cheeks, forcing herself to hold back a laugh. That was certainly something she’d never be able to forget, but she could humor him with that assertion later. 

Instead, she pressed her lips first to Elbert’s, then twisted to kiss Alfons. And when she pulled back, barely breathing, she saw a deep heat swimming in Elbert’s gaze. 

Oh… 

Sometimes, the ferocity with which he wanted things was frightening. Like the first time she’d seen him stride across a room, not caring for the agony his footsteps left in his determined wake, simply to acquire something he’d later carelessly discard. This was… different. This was more. This was how he’d looked at her when he’d gripped her hands and asked how it was he could make her his.  

But this time, his gaze wasn’t trained on her. 

“Al, I want…” He didn’t need to say anymore than that. 

Kate shifted as Alfons leaned in over her shoulder, his lips quirked at the corners.

“Oh? Then show me.” 

Alfons drew nearer to his charge, hovering but a breath away. And Elbert, as he always did, claimed what he wanted. He caught Alfons’s mouth with his own, the kiss demanding, hungry—and gorgeous. She saw the slip of pink tongues and the pull of teeth, and shuddered, biting down onto her lower lip as she came, clenching around both their cocks.

“My, my, is that what you’re into?”

“Don’t,” she gasped, the warning in her tone less effective as her entire body trembled with the pleasure ripping through her, her skin burning red. 

“Why not, if we all enjoy it?” Alfons’s teeth scraped against her ear, his exhales hot and not nearly as even as he likely wanted them to seem. “Will you kiss our dear Elbie for me? Please?”

She did, crying out against his mouth when Alfons thrust with purpose into her over-stimulated body. Elbert took hold of her waist, guiding her movements back on them both, and her moans built, needy and unrestrained, no longer trying nor caring to keep them quiet. The second wave washed over her in minutes and she slumped, no longer sure which name to call out. She heard Alfons swear, pulling out to paint her back while Elbert came in thick spurts across her stomach. 

What a blissful mess…

Her nerves buzzed as she sought a kiss from Elbert’s lips, bubbling when he smiled into it and pulled her closer, wrapping her in his embrace. 

Alfons, however, slipped off the bed away from them. They both watched him vanish into the adjoining bathroom, returning only moments later with a soft, damp, warm cloth to clean their skin of the mess left behind. Then, barely a minute later, he was redressed and presenting the form of a proper attendant, with not a raven-colored lock out of place. 

Kate blinked at him, not out of surprise, but curiosity. “I don’t think either of us would mind if you stayed.” It would take some time and some struggle figuring out, surely, but everything about life in the castle came with complications. And they hadn’t given up yet. 

“Surely, Earl Greetia and his dear robin will be famished. And the food prepared earlier will be cold. I trust the two of you can put yourselves together without getting too off track? Or should I send up one of the maids to ensure no further shenanigans?”

Elbert said nothing, his arms winding tighter around Kate’s waist, like he was making up for the loss of one companion by clinging to the other. He and Alfons were day and night, light and dark, but somehow she could figure out how to be the horizon to bridge them together. 

She laced the fingers of her hands through Elbert’s and offered a smile to the man standing over them both. “Breakfast sounds wonderful. And you’ll join us?”

“Of course. For as long as you’d have me, my dears.”

[dinoburger]

obligatory post for my thoughts on the final comic - I'll do a summary with minimal spoilers before I nitpick

but that is to say... I don't know, I feel more elated to finally know what this section of the continuity has for us in its entirety. It was consistently inconsistent and a lot of the flaws I've already griped about remained to the bitter end.

I think in some ways, this leaves the door open for the text to be reinterpreted, because there won't be as much lingering on this thought that there might be something more just around the corner that ties everything up neatly, thoughtfully and unexpectedly. That's more vindicating than anything.

I don't have to wonder if there's something I've missed, the Team Fortress 2 comics will never be The definitive comic for me nor is it the be all and end all of what canon has to offer. And that's fine. It's easier to enjoy in this sense.

I did enjoy the ride more than I expected, but it might be because I've already experienced the 5 stages of grief with this piece of media.

Seeing Makani dive back into that 'dark Victoriana' sort of aesthetic for the flashbacks while still maintaining the comic's humour was a lot of fun. I'm really surprised that they even attempted to dig into the lore as much as they did, because in my mind I wasn't expecting that - they could've maybe had Zeph mentioned, or a short glimpse of a flashback, just to tie up some loose ends of the story and have the mercs go back to stupid antics - but it was a lot more involved than that.

I do like that we saw a lot more of Admin. Just because I've spent so long wondering at how to approach her character and what she's been set up for. I've seen it interpreted differently but, I think her obsession for the game itself being what drives her makes a lot of sense - she's too far gone, and been too far gone for a long time. Seeing her just get unhinged is a lot of fun.

I was a bit shocked to see young Gray because I've had my specific interpretation of him for a long time. He... essentially did what he always does, driving the plot forward and being a bit of a non-character, but I was surprised to see him at all.

none of the supernatural stuff was touched on at all lol - both Admin's more ambiguous stuff and... Zeph being sort-of-alive and also a ghost?

this is one of those points where I really do think the games/blog contain a different continuity to the comics.

I felt completely blindsided by that, also how strikingly similar the set up is to how I wrote the conduit was making me wig out.

Again... I don't think there was ever going to be a way for them to wrap up everything neatly. So many characters were left in the dust, even the main characters didn't get many lines, Engie was a non-character, Fred's fate is unknown, there was that hilariously inconsistent retcon with Silas no longer being Zeph's brother but still really obviously in the family picture. The whole deal with the Darlings was never explored in depth. CMedic. Maggie being a non-character. I'm sure there's more that other people have brought up.

But, I'm glad they didn't. I don't think any of those points would have been done justice in the limited frame. I'm glad that even the "definitive canon" is contentious enough and contradictory enough that we should be able to reexamine it on a basis of what it did do, not on what it didn't do.

The ending was cheesy, but not unexpected. And it's in keeping with everything else the comic was doing. Not that that's a good thing, but, now we can look at exactly what the text has to say and recontextualise it from other interpretations of the characters. I think that's preferable.

[jujitto]

𝟥 : 𝟦𝟧 𝖯𝖬 💭 沈泉锐

𝗌𝗁𝖾𝗇 ׂ ۪ 𝗋𝗂𝖼𝗄𝗒 ⭒ ۪ ׂ ۪ genre ۪ ׂ ۪angst & 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿 ⭒ ۪ ׂ ۪ cw ۪ ׂ ۪mentions of death of a family member ⭒ ۪ ׂ ۪ wc ۪ ׂ ۪𝟩𝟨𝟫 ⭒ ۪ ׂ ۪ rq 𝟦 ۪ ׂ ۪ @hannahhbahng

9:34 PM, how long have you been sitting here? You couldn’t help but wonder. The tears streamed down your face, not stopping anytime soon. As much as you wanted to stop crying, you couldn’t. It was pointless. Sitting there lost in thoughts, you couldn’t help but ponder the amount of time that had passed.

How long had you been sitting here alone staring at the photos, the one thing you had left, the one thing you had left of them? You didn’t even get to say goodbye. You couldn’t even remember the last time you saw them. Some part of you still didn’t believe that they were gone, that this was all real. The weight of their absence pressed heavily on your heart, making it ache with every beat. Memories flooded your mind, each one like a bittersweet melody playing in the depths of your soul.

The room around you seemed to blur as your gaze remained fixed on those photographs, capturing moments frozen in time. The smiles, the laughter, the shared experiences – they all felt like distant echoes now. Your fingers brushed over the edges of the images, tracing the contours of their faces as if trying to etch their presence back into reality.

“Y/N?” As the soft voice called your name, you looked up to find Ricky standing at the doorway, concern etched on his face. How could you forget? He was probably searching high and low for you all over the apartment. Your poor boyfriend.

Ricky's eyes met yours, and he took a step closer, his expression a mix of empathy and worry. "Hey," he said gently, his voice a soothing melody that reached the depths of your turmoil. "I've been looking everywhere for you. Are you okay?"

You tried to offer him a faint smile, but your lips quivered, betraying the façade you were trying to maintain. Ricky walked over and knelt down beside you, his warmth enveloping you like a comforting embrace. He reached out and wiped away a tear that had slipped down your cheek. “I-I wish you could’ve met them.” Your words echoed through the quiet room as Ricky smiled, sadly, and yet glad to hear those words from you.

“I wish I could've too.” He says as you look down at the photo in your hand. Wanting to give everything to have them back with you, here with you. Your hand clutched tight to his shirt as he held you close. He held onto you, his embrace a shelter from the pain that was ripping apart your heart. You leaned into him, the scent of his cologne and the warmth of his body comfort that made the ache seem just a little more bearable.

In a world that seemed to be spinning out of control, his arms were the one constant that kept you grounded. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat was a reassuring presence that brought a sense of stability to your fractured world.

You weren't sure how long you stayed there, but the ache in your chest gradually faded as the minutes passed by. Ricky remained by your side, his presence a source of strength and solace. It was something you couldn't take for granted.

He didn't say much, but then again, he didn't have to. His mere presence was enough to remind you that you weren't alone. That no matter how much it hurt, there were people who cared for you, who would be there for you. That was Ricky for you, your pillar of support, a source of hope in your darkest hour.

After what seemed like an eternity, Ricky pulled away, gently cupping your face in his hands. He gazed at you, his expression filled with so much love and concern, that it brought a lump to your throat.

"It's getting late, we should probably get some rest," he murmured. You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat as you stood up. Ricky wrapped his arm around your shoulders, holding you close. As the two of you left the room, the empty apartment greeted you like a silent tomb, the walls echoing the emptiness that now filled your life.

Ricky stopped and turned towards you, his gaze filled with understanding. "Don't worry," he whispered, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. "We'll get through this. Together."

You nodded, the ache in your chest easing at his words. It may not be the end, but the pain is only temporary. The memory of them will live on forever. You knew that, and deep down, you knew it would be okay, especially with Ricky by your side.

[william-m-lucipher]

RATING A FEW OF MY PUPPETS!

THEY ALL HAVE THEIR UPSIDES AND DOWNSIDES! HERE ARE MY OPINIONS ON A HANDFUL OF 'EM!

SIXER: MASSIVE AMOUNT OF BRAIN SPACE, FILLED WITH COMPLEXITIES! ALSO A GOOD CHUNK OF EMBARRASSING NERD MEMORIES. HIS MIND IS WHERE ALL THE LUXURY WAS!

BODILY EXPERIENCE WAS INTERESTING, HIS EYESIGHT WAS LACKING EVEN WITH THE GLASSES. IT SEEMS HE'D GONE A WHILE WITHOUT RENEWING HIS PRESCRIPTION. SURE, THE GLASSES LESSENED THINGS, BUT YEESH! ONE EYE WAS ALWAYS WORSE THAN THE OTHER, BUT THEY WERE BOTH IN BLURRYTOWN. TALK ABOUT A LACK OF DEPTH PERCEPTION! THE EXTRA FINGERS THOUGH, THEY WERE FUN! AND THAT GUY HAD A DECENT-ISH PAIN TOLERANCE THANKS TO THOSE OLD BOXING LESSONS HE AND HIS BROTHER WERE FORCED TO DO. IT WAS FUN TO TEST THE LIMITS!

A SOLID 8/10, GREAT GUY TO WORK WITH, POSSESSION EXPERIENCE COULD'VE BEEN BETTER THOUGH!

PINE TREE: BRAINWISE, LESS COMPLEXITY, MORE COMEDY, AT LEAST IN MY EYE! HE WAS A SMART KID, SURE, BUT MAN, RERUNS OF HIS LOWLIGHTS WILL KEEP ME ENTERTAINED FOR AGES. IMAGINE AN ACTUALLY FUNNY CRINGE COMPILATION THAT NEVER GETS OLD! THAAAAT'S PINE TREE!

AS FOR THE BODY, BETTER EYESIGHT, BETTER JOINTS, AND THE PAIN TOLERANCE WAS TERRIBLE, WHICH WAS GREAT FOR ME! IT WAS THE FIRST THING I NOTICED WHEN I TOOK THE STRINGS, HAHA! THOUGH BEING SWEATY, SMELLY, AND TICKLISH KINDA RUINED THE DELUXE SUITE FEEL. EH, WHEN DEALING WITH THE HUMAN BODY, THERE'S NO WAY TO HAVE IT ALL, EVER.

7/10, AT LEAST I'VE GOT A LOT TO LAUGH ABOUT.

HIRSCHEY: I THINK IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS AT THIS POINT THAT I'VE BEEN PULLING THE STRINGS WITH FLANNELBRITCHES FOR A GOOD WHILE NOW. LONG BEFORE HE EVEN SECURED A ROLE WITH THE MOUSE, I'VE BEEN A SUBTLE INFLUENCE!

NOW LISTEN, I'D LOVE TO SPILL EVERYTHING, BUT THIS GUY HAS ALL THE RIGHT CONNECTIONS TO RUIN EVERYTHING IF I MAKE THE WRONG DECISIONS WHILE USING MY OTHER PUPPETS IN THIS REALITY. LET'S JUST SAY, HIS BODY IS MID, BUT HIS MIND ALONE ADDS EXTRA POINTS! I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN, HAHA!

9/10, WHAT A GOOD FRIEND!

BURNSIDES: OH WAIT, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS YET! WINK! HAHA, COME BACK TO THIS POST FOR THE ANSWER ON SMOKEY'S BIGGEST FAN IN A FEW DAYS.

?/10, TO BE ANNOUNCED

EAS-Y: THE ONE I'M CURRENTLY USING! GONE BY SEVERAL DIFFERENT NAMES, BECAUSE THEIR MEAT SUIT IS LITERALLY STUFFED WITH SEVERAL DIFFERENT PEOPLE DUE TO CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, HAHA!! THE HUMAN MIND HAS SOME WEIRD COPING MECHANISMS. E.A.S STANDS FOR THE SILLY NAME FOR THEIR SYSTEM THEY PICKED ONE DAY ON A WHIM.

MY FAVORITE ONE HERE HAS TO BE ZILLARA, WHO I ONCE REFERRED TO AS "T" DURING AN APRIL FOOL'S EVENT ON THE SYSTEM'S ABANDONED ACCOUNT. (IT WAS SHORT FOR THE COLLECTIVE DEADNAME OF THIS VESSEL.) HE'S AN OLD HOST AND AN OLD PAL! Z'S BEEN SO... GENUINELY NICE TO ME FOR ALMOST TEN YEARS NOW. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM?! HAHA!!! Ah... ENOUGH ABOUT JUST ONE GUY, THOUGH, THIS PLACE IS PACKED WITH EM! BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY DON'T HAVE WIGGLE ROOM. THIS MIND IS MORE SPACIOUS THAN PINE TREE AND SIXER'S COMBINED, BUT IT'S ALL BEING USED ON KEEPING FOLKS COMFORTABLE AND GUARDING HARMFUL MEMORIES. LISTEN, I'M NOT SALTY ABOUT THE MEMORY GUARDING. I TOOK A PEEK, AND JEEZ, IT'S DEFINITELY FOR THE BETTER.

ANYWAYS, THIS PLACE IS LAYED OUT LIKE A WHOLE SMALL TOWN! BEST VACATION HOME OUTTA ALL OF 'EM! AS AMAZING AS HIRSCHY'S IS, IT'S BUSY BUSY BUSY EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME. PARTIALLY MY FAULT FOR GETTING HIM INTO THE ANIMATION INDUSTRY. SORRY THERE, BUDDY!

THE DOWNSIDE TO IT ALL IS THAT EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE PLENTY WHO LIKE ME HERE, I'VE ALSO GOT A FAIR SHARE OF ENEMIES WHO CALL THEMSELVES "PROTECTORS" AND "GATEKEEPERS." NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF AN ANGRY SECRETARY LADY, LET ME TELL YOU!

BODY WISE, IT'S QUITE THE PAIN BUFFET! BAD JOINTS, MIGRAINES, LOW PAIN TOLERANCE, AND MAN, THE TICS AND SEIZURES! YOU'D THINK GIVEN MY EXPERIENCE WITH BODY SPASMS WHILE PUPPETING PINE TREE, I'D HATE THESE, BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT! IT'S SOME OF THE FUNNIEST PAIN, THE PUNCHLINE HITS YOU OUTTA NOWHERE, SEVERAL TIMES, IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT WAYS!

8.5/10, TALK TO YOUR PROTECTORS AND YOU MIGHT EARN THE FIRST 10, OR AT LEAST A 9.8!!!

IN SUMMARY:

- SIXER'S A DECENT PUPPET, BUT A BETTER ALLY. STILL A SHAME HE NEVER JOINED ME

- PINE TREE IS A PERSONAL COMEDY CLUB!

- HIRSCHEY IS A GREAT PUPPET, AND A POWERFUL ALLY WHO COULD EASILY BECOME MY WORST ENEMY

- I'M UNDER NDA ABOUT GUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

- EASY HERE IS, WELL, THE EASIEST ONE!!

MAYBE I'LL RATE A FEW MORE SOMETIME, LIKE CHARLES GUITEAU, OR WITH LUCK, YOU!

[occulthours]

out of curiosity, are you a hosie or a hizzie? you're pretty loud about your dislike for handon, but i rarely see you post either hosie or hizzie.

Honestly, I had to think hard to answer this because I really did enjoy aspects of both ships. Short answer, I like both but don't love either. If I had to choose I would likely say Hizzie.

With Hosie I feel like they lacked a lot of the depth despite them being the most popular ship in the show. Ironically enough, they followed in KC's footsteps in that sense. They never really had enough build-up for them to start a relationship at any point in the show and it didn't help that the writers seemingly put a ban on them in s3. After being called out for queerbaiting the audience they just decided to completely cut Hope and Josie off from each other, even in situations that would've called for them to interact (s2 literally ended with them having an episode heavily centric on their dynamic, yet there was no follow up in s3?).

Their dynamic for the most part bored me, even as someone who enjoys the friends-to-lovers trope. Often times their scenes felt a bit empty, which definitely could’ve been intentional on the writers part to dissuade people from shipping them to be fair! They just didn’t get enough content for me to fully jump on board. I do think that out of Hope's popular ships, they had the best chemistry. They felt very natural in the scenes they shared and could've been great in canon. Had DRR and Kaylee been given the chance, Hosie would’ve been one of the few canon Legacies ships that had real romantic chemistry.

Hope and Lizzie’s relationship very clearly the star of the show. The best elements of the show were jumpstarted by their relationship (their rivals-to-friends era in s1, their hilarious scenes in s2 and 3, and their tribrid/heretic, sirebond, and enemies era in s4). The writers put more effort into Hizzie than any other aspect of the show, including Hope and Lizzie's canon relationships with their boring boyfriends. Typically, Hizzie is the thing the Legacies writers are praised for the most, and the praise is deserved.

Based on the writing alone Hizzie would've gone down as one of my favorite TVDU ships, maybe even one of my favorite ships period. But I don’t think DRR and Jenny have much romantic chemistry. Very close friends and platonic soulmates, yes. Girlfriends... I'd have to actually see it to believe it. They had the potential to start something, especially in season 4, but I’m not sure how it would feel to actually watch them have romantic scene.

It’s hard to say which I'd rather have been canon because of this. I can't see how Hope and Josie’s relationship being entertaining to watch (assuming that I can't go back and rewrite their relationship) and unless DRR and Jenny were specifically toning down whatever romantic chemistry they may have, I can't see myself rooting for them to kiss on screen. If I absolutely had to choose? Before s4 I would’ve said Hizzie by a long shot, but s4 gave Hosie an edge (I love ships where one or both of them are obsessively down bad and s4 Josie fit that to a T. Josie caring more about the girl that beat her father nearly to death, threatened to kill her mother, and actually killed her sister? EAT EAT EAT!), but also the sirebond gave Hizzie a bit of an edge (how could you not get even a little buzz from “I hate you for making me love you��?)… Hizzie was the first Legacies ship I fell for so I feel like I’m always gonna be a bit bias towards them.

I’d choose either one of these ships over the train wreck that was Hope and Landon in a heartbeat though! Both had potential to be excellent in their own ways if H.ndon wasn’t shoved down our throats.

[opheliajupiter99]

A Word to the Wise Pt. 1

It was late, terribly too late to be up and about in the Feywild, the faint flickering flames of the campfire fading into the distance as a long Gatorfolk walked aimlessly. He was circling around near the camp, trying to tire himself out enough to get back to sleep. It was hardly the first time Kremy had startled awake from a paranoia induced nightmare, and it surely wouldn't be the last.

He walked and walked, counting his steps to make sure he was still near the camp, sighing softly to himself as he rose up his snout to peer at the sky. The stars shined softly, dotted across the sky. The sight gave him some comfort at least; for as different as the Feywild was, the sky was the same, for the most part anyways.

He continued to walk, until something out of the corner of his eye made him stop abruptly. He looked to the tree line and squinted. He could've sworn...no, he must've been imagining it. He swore he saw the edges of a top hat, the wearer seeming to dart out of sight once he spotted him; but it -had- been raining earlier...perhaps he just saw his reflection amongst the leaves?

He shook his head and looked forward once more, continuing on despite the nagging feeling something was wrong. But he quickly began to notice the edges of his vision blurring, he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand thinking perhaps he was tearing up, but was met with the realization his sight was only fogging more...

But...no. It wasn't his -vision- fogging. It was the air ITSELF fogging. A chill ran down his spine, backing up instinctively, and as he backed up, his clawed foot snagged on something, and he tumbled backwards with a yelp of surprise. He blinked blearily, seeing small, blurry forms beginning to crowd around him amongst the fogs.

Voodoo dolls. So, so many of them, clawing their way from the wet soil like dead rising from their graves, as the rumbles of ominous jazz began to flow through the air. The cloth skin of the dolls stitched and stained with dirt, their wide button eyes staring into the depths of his soul, wielding needles as they approached with eternal, stitched grins.

He opened his mouth to speak, but only a sob came forth, tears quickly stinging the corners of his eyes. He tried to get his muscles to move, but his bones felt frozen in place as the realization of his damnation quickly set in. He wanted to fight, he wanted to argue, he tried to get his mouth to move or legs to spring up...but Gods, what was the point?! As much as he tried to cling to hope, he knew what these sights meant, he knew how hopeless any attempt to scream or beg was. He might as well already be dead.

Then heavy footsteps came, squishing through the mud, until the tall figure loomed over Kremy. Mr. Garou, his form only illuminated by the glowing pair of dice that floated just above his open palm, his cold gaze looking down at Kremy with almost a look of disappointment.

"I thought ya'd make it a bit longer, Kremy." He said, his tone a mocking fatherly one. "Ah well." He said with a shrug and a devilish smirk. "A hundred more where ya came from, boy." Kremy just stared up at him, mouth hanging slightly agape as tears flowed down the corners of his eyes. He steeled himself with a deep breath. "P-Please...please sir, I...I-I just need a bit more time." Garou merely scoffed. "Ya got any idea how many times I've been told dat? And ya know how many times that actually -worked-?" He barked a laugh.

Kremy couldn't help but whimper, bringing his hands up to cover his eyes, not able to bare witnessing whatever fate the man had in store. He heard Garou laugh, and the doll's needles scrape against each other, as if to sharpen them, then-

"Kremy! Whatcha doin' out here?" Came Gideon's voice. Kremy's body only scrunched more, at the idea of Gideon having to witness this. "Gid, I-I'm sorry, just go back-" He stopped mid-sentence as he uncovered his eyes. It...it was all gone. The fog, the dolls - Mr. Garou. Had he been sleepwalking? Gideon walked up to him and knelt down, holding out his hand. "Ya trip or somethin', buddy?"

Kremy opened his mouth, prepared to ask Gid if he'd seen any of that, but quickly closed it again. Of course he hadn't; it wasn't real. It was just a night terror, or...or he was starting to crack up. Whichever it was, it wasn't Gid's problem. He cleared his throat as he pulled back to his feet. "Y-Yeah, yeah, was just tryin' to walk off a nightmare, that's all. Let's head back."

Gid's brow furrowed a bit, knowing him well enough to know something was wrong, but decided not to press it for now. He patted him on the back, before the pair started to walk off, Kremy sneaking a paranoid peek over his shoulder, as he could've sworn, he saw the thin string of a balloon float through the tree line and out of sight.

[tennybird]

I have opinions about TotK. This is your spoiler warning if you haven't played/finished it yet. Also all of this is, once again, just my opinion on it and not a decisive fact! I will probably misremember things!

Anyway.

Okay so basically as someone who got it on release and beat it within a week, I'm a little underwhelmed by the game now that I'm looking back over half a year later.

It's not a terrible game! I'll say that first and foremost. But after waiting so long for it, and trying so hard to not hype myself up for it (failing horribly at that), it feels just a bit... same-y. The story is nice, and it's different. The boss fights and abilities you gain during your travels are nice. Everything else, though...

I like the map having stayed similar, with enough changes that I have to relearn some areas. The Depths are really fucking cool, and figuring out on my own that they're a negative of the overworld was incredible! But the sky islands were a little disappointing, I think. When we were told we'd be in the sky a lot, I thought there'd be more large islands like the tutorial one that you could walk around on. More references to Skyward Sword, too. It feels to me that they put more love into the Depths than the sky, in a way.

I like the main story. Figuring out Zelda was the Light Dragon (but not really believing it until the final Tears), and that she'd essentially spent thousands and thousands of years trapped inside herself, was AWESOME. Every cutscene involving her as the Light Dragon hit me hard, and I felt genuine sorrow everytime I saw her floating around the sky.

...That being said, I DO wish we could have a game where you get to actually travel with her. I WANT her to tell me about the minor lore of the world! I want to know about the various flora and fauna, and I want her to talk about Hyrule's history! Zelda is part of the royal family, and I'd imagine that part of her studies pre-BotW she'd have to learn about the history of her family (especially because of the importance of the Goddess' blood...). With how pre-BotW went between her and her powers, and her and her father, I'd imagine she'd make it a point to learn more about their history that ISN'T just the prophecy.

I, personally, did not like most of the temple boss fights. I can't really explain much of why- except for Queen Gibdo. I HATED Queen Gibdo because of all the smaller Gibdo chasing you, trying to chase down Riju for her power... It was a lot of things stacked on each other, and simply not my thing. Colgera was an absolute favorite however! The boss theme is AWESOME, the mechanics of being in the air and having to watch for projectiles, as well as crashing through the ice sheets to take it down? VERY, VERY FUN. Climbing through the sky just to get to the temple itself was one of my favorite experiences. Going up and up and up, and finally reaching the top where you break out above the storm clouds and see clear skies...

A thing that bothers me about the temples is that the cutscene at the end, where the ancient Sages gifts their powers to the new ones... I feel like they could've spent a little more time making them different, even if that meant more time in development. I would be okay with that! I think games should be in development longer in order to produce a good, finished product! Anyway.

The fight with Ganondorf was fun for me. I get SUPER immersed in it, so it was a fearful moment when I thought I'd beaten him, only to see his health bar fill again... and then go offscreen. And the DEMON DRAGON FIGHT? Holy SHIT.

I just wish there was more... substance to the game, I guess? It feels weird saying that. There are more things to do, but it's missing something I can't name. Something BotW had, but is now gone. I like TotK, like I said. It's clearly had love put into it, and I'm glad the developers spent more time on getting it as close to the perfect image they wanted as they could. Maybe it's just cause I've spent more time with BotW (over 300 hours), but I think I'm a little biased towards it. Maybe I'm just getting older and grumpier about vidya games, too. Who knows!

If you read all this, cool! I will reiterate that this is simply my view on it! If your view is different, good!! I'm happy to know there are people out there who enjoy it more than I did. Or if you hate it more than I do, maybe you have other things you want to point out about it that I missed.

[fastcardotmp3]

forever thinking about the narrative we could've gotten if Kali had stuck around long-term and thinking about it specifically in conversation with the character arc of Abby in TLOU2, because like.

obviously the source materials are tonally different enough to not make it a clear-cut comparison, but there's something about the cycle of violence there and the desperation that comes with a years-long search for justice or revenge or closure, right?

these young women who were so deeply wronged by people more powerful than them, and so then run away and seek their own strength, seek out ways to use it. Abby gets this amazing storyline where we first see her exclusively from Ellie's perspective as the villain who killed this person she loved more than anyone, but who then becomes a person and who is given reasons and who is given a fullness of self that makes not just her more of a gut-punch to the world, but everyone around her too.

and I just keep thinking about what that sort of care could have done for a character like Kali who is so similarly caught in a cycle of violence in her search for closure, so similarly set in her pursuit of it, and what it might have been like to see her instead of seeing El's witnessing of her.

where are her hurts? what scars does she carry? whose death does she believe will be the one to make her feel okay again and when will she realize that none of them will?

Abby changes through relationships with people, through a relationship with a young boy who comes from such a different background to her but who has been hurt and who has lost in so many similar ways and Kali has that too.

Kali has El to show her a different perspective, to give her something worth loving again, to give her something to protect rather than something to fight.

I dunno where I'm going with this, I've had Kali on the mind lately and I'll always live on the Abby defense squad, but I really do mourn the direction the story could have gone if Kali had been offered the same level of personhood and depth by the narrative that Abby was.

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Prompt: “i think the world of you.”

For Tolya x Reader please!!

For you, of course.

Miss Me? - Tolya Yul Bataar

Content Warnings: Not Beta/Proof Read.

"If you are sulking, please stop," Tamar says taking a seat.

"I am not sulking," you say defensively. Tamar gives you a withered look.

"You've not been half as chatty since he left," Tamar says.

"Maybe you're just not as much fun as he is," you jab. Tamar laughs at you, the laugh pulling itself from the depth of her.

"We both know that's not true," she says. You shrug. "It's okay to miss him."

"I know," you say, "I have no qualms about missing him. I have issues with him being gone."

"He misses you too," Tamar says, "if it helps."

It does, in a small way, makes you feel more reasonable in this dwelling sadness that comes from him being so far away for so long.

Tamar takes your silence as doubt. "No one knows Tolya like I do," Tamar says, "and my brother, he misses you."

"And you know that," you hadn't felt the need to challenge her before, and you dont really now, but part of you just wants to hear her be sure of it.

"I know that because he misses you when you're here," Tamar's laugh is gentle now, like she's trying to calm you.

"He does not," you throw her a look.

"Yes he does," Tamar says. "I bet those crows are sick of hearing about you."

"Enough," you say, shaking off her exaggeration.

"If he talks about you half as much as he thinks about you, then I will bet most of Ketterdam knows who you are by now," Tamar says, leaning back in her chair.

"He does not think of me," you say, rolling your eyes.

“I think the world of you.”

You look up and see Tolya in the doorway. He smiles at you and you rush to your feet. Pausing just shy of throwing your arms around him. "When did you get back?" You ask.

"Just now," he pulls you into a hug.

"I missed you," you say hugging him back.

"I always miss you," Tolya replies letting his chin rest on the top of your head.

"I didn't expect you back so soon," Tamar says grinning at her brother.

"The job Nikolai sent us on wasn't difficult," Tolya says.

"Don't let the King hear you say that," you joke.

"You could've enjoyed the scenery," Tamar says.

"I wanted to get back," Tolya admits.

"I wouldve enjoyed the scenery," Tamar says, and Tolya throws his sister a small bag.

"But I did bring you something back," Tolyas smile seems to give away the suprise.

She catches the bag and decides to thank him with her silence. "I do, you know," Tolya says, pulling back from the hug.

"Do what?" You ask.

"Think the world of you," he says.

"Oh," barely a whisper, and then louder and with confidence, "I think the world of you."

"Well you too are... delightful," Tamar says, "but I have to be... anywhere else."

[eliza-makepeace]

murtagh book thoughts

okay, it's been a while since i finished the murtagh book, and i've managed to figure out in coherent thoughts what it made me feel. it's coherent thoughts but it's not a coherent exposition, so you're warned.

in terms of the story, how its divided and all of that -- i liked the first half of the book very much. very enjoyable, murtagh's dealing with his past and his issues, trying to find where the stone comes from, we see his and thorn's bond... fun stuff. some parts are heartwrenching, but in general, it's interesting and enjoyable. still, it feels a bit like a videogame, where you have to get to point a, to point b, to point c in order to get your objective. and as much as i appreciate the new depths of worldbuilding paolini takes us into in "murtagh", i still feel like it's not "proper" worldbuilding.

by that i mean it feels like one of those old western movies where you know the characters can't walk too far away because what you think is a long field is actually a painted wall. the concepts are there: lyreth, the girl who fancied him at court... but you try to look a bit further into them and they're hollow.

the second half of the book, when they meet bachel and chaos ensues... not really my cup of tea. and it's not because i don't like storylines like that, where there's an interesting and fucked-up female character, cults and so forth. that's actually a pretty interesting idea, if only it had been properly executed. personally, my biggest issue with it is that murtagh already had gone through this. he'd already gone through having his agency taken from him, having to do horrible deeds because he can't help it, feeling hopeless and used... and i'm not complaining about this decision because murtagh is my poor little meow meow (although he is). i'm complaining because i feel like it reduces his experiences with galbatorix to nothing. back in inheritance, him being galby's name slave was the worst thing that could and had happened to him. now? bachel's worse. but it's the same principle. and i still think galby had more reason to be worse mentally and in terms of identity, for murtagh, than bachel was.

it also erases all of the healing and character development he'd gone through in the first half of the book. you could argue "oh, now that he's experienced freedom he can deal with bachel better than he could with galby" but i don't really agree and i don't really care. what's the point in destroying him in the ic, putting him relatively back together in the first half, and then obliterating him again (and worse, apparently) in the latter half. and then he's sad, and tired and devastated, but less so than in inheritance (which doesn't make sense if bachel was worse for him than galby), when he sees nasuada again.

the irony that murtagh's bond with alín feels more organic and natural than his with nasuada.... not in terms of characters being alike, just in the way it's written. paolini could've bothered with showing scenes of m and n at farthen dur, bonding, "courting" as he put it, so that the rest of their relationship actually has a strong base for the rest of the ic (giving a proper explanation which originally isn't there because the ic is in eragon's pov and not murtagh's), and so that their reunion is far more meaningful because it shows nasuada and him knew each other, actually bonded with each other before murtagh was kidnapped in eldest, to the point of developing romantic feelings for each other. if paolini hadn't put murtagh in random side quests throughout the book, he could've shown this and it would've worked better imo.

personally i think we didn't get enough tornac, or selena. i think murtagh should've pondered more about what it meant that eragon was brom's kid. what it meant about selena, how that changed murtagh's perception of her as a person. i'm a bit tired she gets reduced to just being his and eragon's mom, and it seems like that's the only way paolini wants them to see her too. murtagh seeing his mom like an individual, a person with her lights and shadows, with her depth, might have been an interesting thing and a new way to see himself as her son. every time paolini is about to reach something interesting with his characters, he changes course and i think that's a shame.

[stupidcanofpeaches]

okay!! finished s3 bitches!!

highlights:

lila and diego take the spotlight!! best messy couple hands down. dad diego!!

sloane and luther were honestly really heartwarming

blackout drunk five

the wedding episode was pretty fun if bittersweet

allison getting her happy ending after all the shit? i realize that this might be a controversial take

uhhhh five's arm getting cut off? just for a few minutes but the whump potential is there!!

reginald was a magnificient bastard, really enjoyed seeing more of him in action this season

more spotlight on luther in general! the moon flashback, more emphasis on his stress eating which i found really relatable

bitchy ben was fun!

allison's villain arc although with Big Caveats

harlan bc i actually kinda enjoyed him reconnecting with viktor

did not like:

the way the sparrows were handled? not enough time to really get to know the character, especially marcus who was offed almost immediately. the dynamics and parallels were interesting, but they were gone way too quickly despite their interesting designs and potential. i would've loved more flashbacks with them at least, like the dojo sparring match

i'll fully admit i did not expect them to actually kugelblitz stanley. i really did not.

allison's villain arc goes right here too bc while i feel that she was long overdue for it and its been brewing since s2, and i do like that they showed her trauma more in-depth, but they had her cross a boundary with barely any repercussions. the whole thing with luther was uhhh. uncomfortable. though i do like that at least they showed him to be freaked out and angered by what happened, stress eating and almost fearful the moment he saw her after the incident. being a shitty sister as she said does not cover it, and luther forgave her way too easily. they Could Have Handled It Better

harlan and the mothers storyline that served as the catalyst for the kugelblitz was interesting and worked fine as a setup for an apocalyptic scenario but i can't help but feel like there could've been more? idk what else i want and what i would've done considering the limited runtime of the show honestly, so i might be just complaining

five the founder?? goes against his character and i suppose it might be a setup as to why the total reset was bad in the longrun and that future slash past founder five is somehow aware of this and is probably a survivor of a similar scenario sans arm which our five recovered after the reset but but butttt. i don't get it. it just goes against his established character traits, with his persistent focus on saving his family and his complete and utter wilingness to do anything to save them. i can mostly understand him being exhausted and eventually giving up when it seems like there is really no way out this time but not fully, not to this point. i can't help but feel like he would've been all for going to the hotel oblivion if there was even a slim chance of saving everyone, not voting to stay and die right there. idk. him getting that tattoo just to complete the loop also led nowhere - you could cut it out and it wouldn't have changed a thing bc he still would've saw the symbols and recognized the sigil on the floor of the hotel oblivion. curious but im not a fan.

[jazzpostsstuff]

Chapter: AXL Development Documents, Initial Story Concept PART 3

If you happen to wonder why this project has some psychological or just some heavy themes that haven't been explored by the series prior, it's because the creation of this fanfiction happened to coincide with some bad and traumatic stuff I've experienced a mere month after I decided to make Chapter: AXL into a real thing. Usually when you feel like something is getting really good, there would be a moment you will just spiral down to the depths. Both your existence and mental state fall so deep you would look back at who you were before and not recognise that person anymore.

Going through a sudden loss of a loved one while you're still a child (or rather a teenager in my case but I can say I had a mind of a child at that time) is always devastating, and going through that together with your family can be even more soul-crushing because you see their pain and suffer even more from inability to influence your other family members, feeling weak and even going insane from that sometimes. Knowing that the last time I was optimistic was when I wasn't accepting the death of a family member and was trying everything to make them open their eyes and speak again has been making myself sad everytime I looked back at who I was just one and a half years ago. I am even tearing up while writing this right now, so I am clearly not helping myself here.

You can never truly recover from something like this. You can only overcome, let go and enter a new chapter fo your life as a new person. You would look back at the past, at the good moments you had so long ago, maybe you'll smile, maybe you'll get sad again, but just try looking at the bright side. Those happy memories were something that happened to you. The people you see in them might be gone, but it would've made them sad if you just gave up after the loss. You was strong enough to get back up and learn how to live again, despite everything you went through. And if you're still there, at the bottom, it can motivate you to get better for them and maybe regain the optimism or happiness that was lost.

If you fear death after an experience like this... I know how hard it isfor some because I've been there, but just try to accept your mortality. Knowing that you can't stay alive for all eternity would make you cherish the time you have on this Earth more and live a life to the fullest (within reason). Eternal life would just make you less human eventually (which was also something that happened to X prior to Zero series as well so here's an example of how living forever can suck).

"Why is it in a Megaman fanfic?". Well, I always related to Axl and I managed to bond even more with him after what I went through (the loss of a family member at a relatively young age, to be exact). Besides, Axl's story was supposed to be grimmer and deeper according to one of the producers of X7. I felt like taking a psychological approach to the story of Chapter: AXL and exploring the trauma that you get after experiencing horrific events only made sense. However, I am still not going into that topic too deep because I am still writing a Megaman story, but maybe you can argue that I still can do that because it's based off MMZ, but we have to remember that it's a story about war and hope - a hope for a better peaceful future that comes after the worst, like the light in the darkest depths you could've fell into.

You have to retain this hopefulness, give a breathing room after a disaster and not bombard the player reader with depression all the way through.

[highwaytothedangerzone502]

Ghost Story - Chapter 44

Pairing: Rooster x Female OC

Word Count: 1583

Warnings: Mention of near-death

Summary: No one will miss a ghost. It'd been a running joke for as long as anyone could remember, something Ghost herself started, and she always said it with a smile on her face or with mirth in her voice. The untouchable stealth pilot in every sense of the word, no one could've predicted the depth of her turmoil over recent events, nor the extremes she would go to in order to protect the man she loved, not even those closest to her. Now, all that was left of the young aviator for Maverick, Hangman, and Rooster were the memories of the past, which would slowly fade with time. She'd come into their lives and made an unforgettable impression, and then, like a ghost, she was gone... Then again, ghosts can't die a second time.

Notes: None

Chapter Songs: Midnight Rain My Wish

****

Ghost

Ghost remained primarily bedridden for the rest of the trip back to port, only getting up for meals, and even then, she hardly ate. The pain kept her hunger at bay. If she ate too much, nausea rolled in, and the last thing she wanted to do was hurl while she had broken ribs. Those were painful enough. Ghost didn't need to add to it.

When they docked, Maverick and Hangman carried hers and Rooster's backpacks, considering they could barely lift themselves out of bed without injuries, let alone a heavy bag. The Daggers, Penny, and Amelia greeted the aviators jubilantly, which Ghost had expected. However, to her surprise, there were two more guests alongside them.

"Hollywood! Wolfman!" Ghost exclaimed, hurrying over to them as fast as her aching body would allow her to. Wolfman reached Ghost first, and she hugged him tightly, thrilled to see the man she considered an uncle. "What are y'all doing here?"

"I couldn't be here for you when your mom died, so I wanted to be here when you came back," Wolf replied, looking her up and down with concern. "What the hell happened to you?!"

"Turns out crashing into an enemy plane and ejecting twice wreaks havoc on your body," she joked lightly, wincing when her ribs let her know laughing, even the smallest of chuckles, was unacceptable.

Hollywood gently hugged Ghost. "Penny told us when you were returning and that you'd gotten into some trouble. Looks like you took a beating."

"It's a miracle she's alive," Maverick said, joining the group. He placed a gentle hand on Ghost's shoulder. "She even had me scared."

Hollywood whistled high to low. "Now that's saying something."

"Guess you really can't kill a ghost twice," Ghost remarked, trying to wriggle a finger down inside her wrist's cast, "but this itch might prove me wrong if I can't reach it."

"Don't use your finger," Wolfman chastised, swatting her hand away. "You need a wire or something."

"It's somewhere in my bag, but I don't know where. I can't wait to get home and go to sleep."

"We're having a celebratory dinner tonight, but you should have plenty of time to get some rest before then," Penny said, coming over to hug Ghost. The Daggers were soon to follow. Twenty minutes after a brief catch-up, the group dispersed but promised to be there for dinner later. Hangman, Ghost, Rooster, Penny, Maverick, and Amelia ambled to the parking lot. On the way, Penny said, "Hey, Ghost, Rooster- Maverick and I were talking, and we decided we weren't comfortable with you being by yourselves after such severe injuries, so we want the two of you to stay with us for a little bit, just enough to put our minds at ease that you won't have any complications and until you get your bearings living with the injuries."

"Oh, I don't want to intrude," Ghost protested. "I'll be fine, honestly. I've been through worse-"

"No, you haven't," Hangman interrupted, shooting her a disapproving glare. She shot him one back that silently but clearly said: Not helping.

"You're not intruding with us inviting you, and we want you to stay with us."

"Please?" Maverick asked, offering a small smile. "Put an old man's mind at ease?"

Ghost sighed, reluctant to crowd the Benjamin household but unable to say no to Maverick. Besides, she still needed to talk to him. Her mom had lied about when she knew him. There was still the possibility that he was her father instead of Nathan Winchester. "Fine, but I need to swing by my apartment to get some stuff to spend the night."

"I can take you," Hangman offered immediately. "I need to get my truck first, but I can-"

"Here," Maverick said, handing over the keys to his Jeep. "Take mine. Rooster and I can take his Bronco with the girls back to the house."

"Thanks, Mav. We'll be back soon." Hangman casually saluted the captain and then offered his arm to Ghost. She graciously took it, thankful for the support he provided, the same support he had always given her. He opened the car door for Ghost, and she slid in. After carefully buckling herself in, Ghost leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes, grateful to be home, alive, and mostly in one piece.

She recognized her body was exhausted and in need of some rest, but she severely underestimated how much because she had no memory of Hangman starting the Jeep, let alone the trip to her apartment, so Ghost found herself more than a little disoriented when she opened her eyes, and they were sitting outside her apartment.

"You with me?" Hangman queried, resting his hand gingerly on her leg. Ghost nodded, smiling sleepily at him. She meant to reassure him but judging by his hesitance to remove his hand, she failed to fully achieve her goal. He helped her out of the Jeep, and the pair strolled up to her apartment. Ghost kept her head down, the only thing that prevented the sun from making her headache worse. Hats and sunglasses hurt her head, too, so those were out of the question as well, much to her chagrin.

When they entered, Hangman grabbed the suitcase for Ghost while she set to work, getting enough belongings to last a week. Hangman helped her pack, bringing her things that required bending down or heavy lifting. 

Hangman stayed unusually quiet, and Ghost never would've mentioned it had she not seen his trembling hand as he placed her hairbrush in the suitcase. Reaching over, Ghost gently grasped his shoulder. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he mumbled, refusing to look at her.

Ghost opened her mouth to prod but then remembered the last time she did such a thing, it'd resulted in them having a fight, and she had no energy for a repeat of that situation. So, Ghost reluctantly let it drop. She tried to refocus, but her pounding headache- a side effect of the concussion- decided Ghost would focus only on that. She massaged her forehead. Pain medicine was out of the question since she'd taken some only a couple of hours ago. It helped but didn't fully rid her of her pains.

"Ghost? You okay?" Hangman asked worriedly.

"Yeah, yeah, just a headache. You?"

"I-" he cleared his throat- "I'm not okay..."

Ghost faced him, staring him down with concern. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"You," he croaked out. "You almost died because I wasn't fast enough taking out that last enemy. Hell, you did die on me temporarily when you coded during surgery."

"Jake-" 

"I know death comes with being an aviator, especially when you're near or in hostile territory, but of all the people in my life I thought I'd lose because they were shot down or- or had a malfunction with their plane, it was never you. You weren't even on the list, so when I saw Rooster holding your motionless body in the waves..."

Tears welled in his green eyes as he dropped his gaze from hers. He quietly continued, "They train you for a lot of shit in the military, but they don't train you for this, to lose your best friend that you grew up with, the person you go to for anything and everything, the person who will always have a piece of your heart no matter how far apart we grow physically or emotionally... I'm not the guy you're supposed to be with, I know that, but-" Jake met her eyes once more- "that will never change how much I love you. The idea of not having you in my life, my best friend, it- it's paralyzing. And what's worse is that you almost died before I could make amends and apologize for how I treated you that evening at Maverick's hangar. I'd bottled that in for so many years, and I hated myself for letting you go, so I took it out on you, and I'm sorry, Annalise. For everything, I am sorry."

Without a word, Ghost pulled Hangman into a tight hug, ignoring the screams of protest in her banged-up body. He buried his face into the crook of her neck, his giant frame shaking as a few, quiet sobs escaped from him. Keeping him enveloped in the hug, Ghost whispered, "You are not to blame for what happened up there or afterward, do you understand me? It's my fault for chasing after that enemy when I wasn't physically in shape to do so. I should've disengaged from the fight once you and Maverick got there. Do not blame yourself any further for that, okay? And I'm so sorry for scaring you the way I did. I would never intentionally hurt you. I could never do that to someone I love." 

Hangman pulled away, wiping the tears off his cheeks and then brushing off the ones rolling down Ghost's. She hadn't even been aware she'd been crying too. Sniffling, he said, "We good?"

"Absolutely," Ghost replied, a weight lifting off her shoulders since she and Hangman had worked things out. Now, if only she could figure out how to salvage whatever was broken between her and Rooster. He'd been strangely quiet, hardly talking to her unless necessary, and while Ghost told herself it was the pain and the medicine causing him to act out of the ordinary, deep down, she knew better. Deep down, she knew that it had something to do with her...

****

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[practically-an-x-man]

Sunshine (Kyle x Jasper)

Summary: a few gentle moments lead to Kyle regaining what he'd lost.

Tags: angst, emotional hurt/comfort, mentions of necromancy

Word Count: 2.4k

____

He lost his sunshine when he came back. After all, how could he find that warmth within himself after everything he'd been through? After seeing the depths of Hell with his own two eyes? After being plucked from that, stitched back together, scarred over, the way he had?

Jasper always called it his sunshine - golden light, warmth, comfort, endlessly radiating. And he knew it comforted them, he knew it made those bad days a little better, but somewhere in the cold and the dark he'd lost it. Possibly for good.

It wasn't so much an overcast day as it was total nuclear fallout. The smog was impenetrable.

Or so he thought.

The first flicker returned quickly enough.

He was in bed. It had only been weeks - two or three, though time was difficult for him then - since he'd been thrown back into his life like a fastball to a baseball glove. He hadn't quite found speech yet. Coordination came and went. He could've sworn he could still smell the sulfurous fires of Hell lingering on his skin.

And Jasper, somehow, still laid beside him. They'd been asleep for hours now, as if nothing had ever changed. Kyle couldn't even bring himself to close his eyes. He couldn't surrender to the nightmares, not now.

He wondered how they could lay beside him, to stay so close when he could still smell the acrid scent of rubbing alcohol and formaldehyde all around him, the smoky perfume of purgatory clouding his lungs with every breath. Maybe it was a memory. Maybe it was all in his head. But he couldn't seem to wash the smell away.

He wasn't warm like he used to be. He still felt half-dead, perpetually cold no matter what he tried. That was the first time he realized he'd lost his sunshine. That was the first time he realized how much it once had warmed him.

Jasper didn't seem to notice. They lay just beside him, pressed to his side as they always had before, as if they didn't notice the way his chest was too slim and his hands were too broad and the heart that beat in his chest wasn't his own. As if they didn't notice the hellfire-stink on his skin, the necrosis-chill instead of his usual warmth.

All at once, he found himself flooded with guilt. And so Kyle tried to slip away, at least as much as he could before his uncoordinated limbs sent him tumbling off the bed.

"Mm. No." Jasper mumbled, breaking the silence of the room and sleepily pulling themself back against his body, "Stay. You're warm."

He froze in place, glancing down at them as they settled back in against his chest. They were already asleep, if they'd ever really woken up to begin with. His heart was pounding in his chest like it was the first time they'd ever pressed this close.

Tentatively, carefully, he let his arm fall around their back. Jasper turned their face against his chest with a deep, contented sigh.

And the sun peeked out from behind the clouds.

____

The next shift came only a week or so later. He'd found a few more words in that time - after all, his mind was still painfully intact despite all he'd gone through, and there wasn't much else to do on those long days but try to find himself again.

Jasper had brought him an AAC board. As soon as Kyle got past his own pride about using it, he'd admit that it helped. At the very least, it saved him from stumbling and stammering for words that weren't ever going to spring free. And they'd promised him, time and time again, that he didn't need to force himself to speak. Communication with the board was still communication. It was all the same at the end of the day.

But in those long days, when Jasper was off at their classes and the witches were... well... doing whatever they did during the day, when Kyle was left alone? He practiced. He didn't need to get back to where he was. But he wanted to. He was tired of feeling like Frankenstein's monster, shambling along and groaning.

So he practiced. For hours, he practiced. There were a few words he needed to get back under his tongue.

The door closed with a bang, and Jasper's footsteps danced up the staircase in a flurry of motion. He knew it was them from the very first step. Nobody moved quite like they did. He found himself smiling before they even reached the door.

"Hey, babe," they said, looking tired but smiling at him as they entered the room, "Doing okay today?"

He nodded, working to loosen his tongue from the roof of his mouth. It still infuriated him, how hard it was to find words these days. It used to be so effortless. He'd taken it for granted.

He stretched to grab his AAC board from where it lay on the bed behind it, and Jasper made their way to his side to watch as he pointed to a few of the symbols.

How... work?

"Fine. Tiring. It's all that summer dehydration, y'know? Can't count the amount of IV's I had to put in today." Jasper muttered, sliding onto the edge of the bed and kicking their shoes to the corner of the room, "And I have a bout tonight."

"Mm. Tuesday." he mumbled in agreement. Jasper nodded.

"Yeah. Oh- hey, d'you want to come? Get out of the house for a while?" they asked, the idea striking them like a bolt of lightning, "We're up against one of the smaller leagues, so it shouldn't be too crowded there."

He thought on that one for a minute, but eventually shook his head with a low sigh. Jasper frowned, tucking their legs under them as they slid a little further onto the bed. They reached out, resting their hand lightly on his forearm.

"The others know what's going on. At least... they know enough. I'll find a chair for you, right up front." they promised, looking up at him with empathetic eyes, "If you want to go, we can make it work. I'll put everything together."

Again, he considered it. But again he shook his head. He didn't know if he was ready to be out in public again. Especially after what happened the last time. He didn't trust this new anger festering inside him.

"Alright," Jasper said, though their voice was sad. After a moment, they seemed to brighten a little and leaned into his side, "Anyway, I definitely need a nap or I'm gonna fall asleep on my skates. Wanna lay down for a bit?"

That, he could agree with. He slid back on the bed, giving Jasper room to take their usual place against his side.

"Ugh, hang on, I'm not sleeping in a binder," they muttered, taking a moment to wriggle out of the garment before curling up beside him. Kyle kept himself still until they made themself comfortable, not wanting to jostle them with his uncooperative limbs.

"Jazz?" he mumbled, praying his tongue would cooperate with him. Just once. Just for a few more words.

"Hm?"

"I love you."

He wanted to say more than that. He had paragraphs, pages, whole encyclopedias of words for them. He had monologues of affection that he couldn't bring himself to say, essays and theses and declarations of gratitude for how they'd stayed with him, how they'd helped him, everything they'd done for him. But he knew his tongue would freeze up again if he tried. He was forced to make do with this.

"I... I love you too." Jasper's voice was choked, breath hitching as if they were holding back tears. He hadn't been able to say those words since he returned, though he knew they could feel every ripple of affection that coursed through him at just the sight of them.

And as they leaned over and caught his lips in a kiss, he caught another sight of the sun.

____

Time passed. He found more words, both on his own and with the magical aid of the witches. Gradually he settled back into himself, and those lingering clouds began to drift away. If it weren't for the scars, or the way his words still fled when he got flustered, it was as if he'd never he'd never been through the horrors of his past.

But he still hadn't quite found his sunshine. The clouds came and went, but there still remained those lingering shadows hanging over him. And he'd stay there, some part of him still trapped in his mind, and wonder about how to regain those final missing pieces. Life was good, wasn't it? What else was there left to do?

He sat on the edge of his bed, indiscriminately smearing ointment on his scars. Most days, he did it twice a day, once in the morning and once at night. Any less, and they got maddeningly itchy - itches he couldn't scratch, of course, knowing the scars were about the only thing holding him together. When he began with the ritual, he'd been careful about it: covering every patch of scar tissue, rubbing it in until the cream vanished, diligently inspecting the skin to make sure it wasn't broken or cracked or infected.

Now he hardly cared. What had begun as a dedicated fifteen minutes was now a careless four-and-a-half, slapping on the ointment almost roughly and calling it good enough because he couldn't stand to focus on the scars any longer than that. He'd been careful in the beginning because he'd thought they would fade, that being diligent now meant one day he could relieve himself of this little habit.

But they hadn't faded. Not enough. He could still count every rough stitch in his skin, and he figured he always would. They'd stay this way, raised and pink and all too obvious, until he died- again.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice Jasper until her hands were wrapped around his own, taking the little tub of lotion from him.

"It's fine. I've got it." he muttered automatically, already reaching to reclaim the tin. He wanted this over with. Two more minutes, and he could move on to something less painful.

"You're miserable."

"Not fair, Jazz." Kyle sighed, sure she'd simply peered into the tangle of emotion swirling inside him. Jasper shrugged.

"I don't need this," she said, tapping her chest to indicate that strange empathic sense of hers, "I can see it on your face. Y'know, like any normal person."

That startled a laugh out of him, a small one, and Jasper smiled as she sat down behind him.

The first touch almost startled him, cold lotion against the back of his neck. That, of all the scars, was his least favorite. It was so... inhuman. Reattached limbs were one thing - rare, yes, but Jasper had assured him more than once that she'd seen it happen. And she'd said, just as frequently, that there were surgeries that could leave scars like the one on his neck - tracheal, laryngeal, she'd even shown him pictures. But those scars didn't go all the way around. And nobody survived decapitation.

Jasper's fingers were gentle, moving in smooth and comforting circles as she rubbed the lotion into his skin. She ran her thumbs along the base of his shoulders, pressing in firmly like she was giving him a massage. Just for a moment, basking in the touch, it was easy to forget about the scars. Kyle shut his eyes and leaned into the touch.

When she'd finished with the area around his neck, she wordlessly shifted her grip to his arm and began working at the scars around his shoulder instead. Her fingers migrated a bit, gentle around the scars but pressing more firmly against the muscles of his back. He hadn't realized how many knots had accumulated there.

Kyle found himself continuing to soften into the touch, until he was practically propped against Jasper's body where she sat behind him. He could feel her shoulders hitch as she laughed, pleasantly amused at his reaction. Another moment, and she'd turned her head to kiss his neck, just under his jaw.

"Y'know..." Jasper murmured, trailing her fingers over that scar on his shoulder, "I think it's kinda sexy. Kinda rugged."

"Really?" he asked, a bit too much of his disbelief bleeding into his voice. Even if it hadn't, he was sure she could feel it radiating from him all the same.

"Mm-hm." she agreed with a hum, "Would've driven me nuts if I was still in my emo phase."

"Did you ever really leave?" he teased, pointedly flicking his eyes down her brightly-dyed buzz cut, her multitude of tattoos, the new nose ring she'd gotten the week prior.

"Shut up." Jasper huffed, though she was stifling laughter, "Now I'm punk, there's a difference."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Get it right." she told him, prodding him jokingly in the shoulder, "Seriously, I expected better from you."

"Alright, alright, I'll go revisit the notes." he drawled, dragging the words out with an exaggerated sigh. Jasper giggled, dropping her forehead against his back and weaving her arms around his waist.

It was that, the sound of her laughter, the feel of her arms around him, poking fun at each other like they always had, that finally scared off those last lingering clouds. Sunlight bloomed, full and unimpeded, for the first time in nearly a year.

Jasper felt it as much as he did. As that warmth spread, the chill finally chased from his skin, she let out a slow breath and melted against his body. He could feel her breaths, deep and content, brushing over the skin of his back.

"Did you do that?" he found himself asking. It wouldn't be the first time she'd woven those strings of emotion within him. Some nights he still needed her to bring him calm before bed, or he'd never escape the nightmares. And it was Jasper who'd untangled that knot of anger that had settled in when he first came back. He assumed this was another one of those, her trying to mend what had been broken and eroded within him.

But she shook her head, the edges of her buzz cut faintly prickling at his skin.

"All you, babe." she mumbled, sounding more relaxed than he'd heard her in months. She gave him a little squeeze, arms tightening around his waist.

"I missed that sunshine."

[pastelbatfandoms]

Rebirth of The Widow - A Prequel

Part 1

The Day The Light Dimmed

Earlier...

Clint arrived back at Avengers tower. Looking worse for wear and feeling even more terrible. Sad and depressed he climbed up the stairs to where the rest of the team was hanging out in the family room waiting for Lili and Clint to return with the soul stone.

Bucky was beside himself, he kept pacing the room until Natasha told him to sit down. He did , the bouncing of his leg proving he was on edge. Bucky couldn't explain it but he just had this feeling something was wrong. His head snapped up when he heard the sound of the elevator and saw Clint walk in.

Others got to him first, "Did you get the stone?" Asked Steve. Clint nodded not able to speak, Natasha immediately picked up on Clint's mood, "What's wrong? Where's my sister?" she asked.

"I...she's..." Clint trailed off, unable to get the words out as he tried not to choke up.

Bucky was on him then, "Where's Lili?" He demanded to know.

"Bucky calm down." Steve told him trying to calm him but it didn't work.

"Clint..." Bruce eyed him then, coaxing him to talk. "Why isn't Lilianne with you?"

"She...um," Clint could barely get the words out, his voice wavering, "She sacrificed herself. I tried to stop her but-"

Bucky whirled on him angrily, "She what?! What do you mean she sacrificed herself, where is she?!" He growled.

Clint looked at him in tears as everyone fell silent in disbeleif. "I'm sorry James she's gone."

Bucky's world seemed to slow down in that moment as he processed what Clint was saying, "No...she wouldn't..." But Bucky knew she would, she always sacrificed herself first for others, for the world, for love.

"Wait but couldn't she heal herself?" Bruce asked trying to be the calm one as he comforted a distraught Natasha.

Clint shook his head grim. "Not at that far a drop. No one could've-"

Just then a fist hit Clint sqaure in the face as Bucky glared at him wild eyed.

"Bucky!" Natasha cried out, Steve stayed quiet knowing his friend always let his frusterations out on others now when he was hurting or upset. It was usually just reserved for enemies. Lili was the only one who could calm him before he reacted and now she was gone...

"You're lucky it wasn't my other hand." Bucky ground out through gritted teeth, meaning his metal fist. "This is your fault. You should have stopped her, I should have never let her go without me."

"Buck it's no one's fault." Steve spoke up.

Clint shook his head, "No Steve he's right...I should have sacrificed myself, tried harder."

"You're right, it should have. been you" Bucky snapped, but he didn't really mean it he was just hurt and angry.

Steve walked up to him, trying to calm him down as he put a hand on Bucky's back and led him away. "C'mon Bucks lets cool down somewhere else."

Bucky let his best friend lead him away but he was far from calm. Eventaully he apologized to Clint but the rift that had been made that day hung in the air for a long while.

"Hey guys where's Tony?" Bruce questioned.

Back in the present....

Bucky was just angry all the time after that, depressed and feeling lost. Honestly wishing he was The Winter Soldier again so he didn't have to feel this pain anymore. It felt like he had lost his other half, every night he dreamed it was him their instead of Clint yet that didn't make a difference, he was always a little too late, trying to hold on as he shouted Lili's name as she fell to the depths below, it was never enough, he lost her all over again , again and again....

As did Clint...but his was a living nightmare.  So he decided to become one.

A few months later… Steve stops Clint on his way out of The Avengers compound. "Where do you think you're going?" "Out." Is Clint's only reply then noticing Steve's look he sighs. "Look I don't need to be here, you don't need me." "We do." Steve tells him, crossing his arms. "Lilianne would want you to stay and fight."

Clint whirls on him, "Don't tell me what Lili would or wouldn't want me to do. I am doing this for her!" "Giving up?" Steve observed as soon as he noticed the collapsible sword in Clint's hand. Clint looked down, with a heavy sigh. "I'm not…But nothing we do is going to bring them back…It's not going to bring her back."

"We won't know if we don't try." Steve told him his expression serious. "I do know." Clint gave him a long look, "And I'm going to do what I need to do. I lost my family after the blip, I lost Lili, if it hadn't been her it would have been Nat. I can't lose anyone else if I'm not around." "We've all lost someone. I loved Lili, She was my friend too." Steve reminded him, recalling how he'd have lost Bucky if it weren't for Lilianne's help and determination. Clint's expression was somber as he said, "Not like I loved her…"

Before Steve could ask what he meant Clint was gone jumping out the window before Steve could stop him. Soon after Natasha walked up to Steve asking where Clint was. "He's gone." Steve told her. Natasha frowned at him, worried. "What do you mean gone?" "Clint left. Said he had to handle some things." Steve replied looking down, hands on his hips. Natasha knew exactly what Steve meant by that, "He's not dealing, he's running away. Why didn't you stop him?" She asked Steve accusatory. Steve just looked at her, "I tried. I can't force him to stay, I couldn't stop him." Natasha's tone was serious as she looked at Steve with a determined expression, "I Can." They had been there after Clint lost his family, and Lilianne had been there when Clint became the Ronin once and pulled him back, Now it was Natasha's turn to do the same.

Once she found him in Japan again, fighting and killing Mob families'. Natasha walked up to him in the pouring rain at night just like Lili had…the only light was the neon of the city signs. "You shouldn't have come here Natasha," Clint told her, taking off his mask. Natasha just stared at him, "Lili wouldn't have wanted this Clint." "Well she's not here, is she?" Clint ground out, still not looking at her. "No, she's not. But she saved you once before, now it's my turn. This isn't going to bring her back." Natasha told him. "Someone has to know where she is…" Clint wondered to himself, not realizing he had said that out loud. Natasha frowned at him, "She's gone Clint, for good. " Clint shook his head, "No she's not." Natasha gave him a sympathetic look, thinking he was in denial. "You said you saw her die. We have to accept that and-" Clint sighed, interrupting her, " I thought she had. But no Natasha, Lili's alive. Tony told me…SHIELD took her." Natasha stared at him in disbelief momentarily before asking, "What do you mean she's alive?" Clint closed his eyes briefly, feeling bad he hadn't told her what Tony had told him before he left, "She survived but barely. Coulson took her to a SHIELD facility to help her. I don't know where that's what I've been trying to find out…" Natasha stood there in shock for a moment trying to absorb this new information before finally speaking, "So…we find her together. But as Black Widow and HawkEye, not Ronin.." Clint agreed with a nod of his head, before taking Natasha's hand.

They had a plan to use their SHIELD resources to track her, once Clint had discarded his Ronin suit. But a month later still nothing. They told no one keeping it a secret even from Bucky. But then a girl named Kate Bishop calls Clint needing his help, he trains her to become a female Hawkeye and they take down KingPin together. Natasha still looking for Lilianne, But she didn't realize someone else was looking for her sister as well or who they thought was her sister's killer.