sixsocksscienceclub

[varicrux]

“  tell  me  that  you  need  me  in  your  life.  ” / for judai !

@liightbringr. | SABRINA CARPENTER ‘ EMAILS I CAN’T SEND ’.

VOCABULARY ISN'T HIS STRONG SUIT. he's never possessed the craft of turning words into prose fit for how he feels or expressing the depth of his emotion through spoken syllables. yuki judai is a man of action , a man of SHOOT FIRST , ASK QUESTIONS LATER , although he didn't used to be. his presence used to command sunlight , sever the overcast grey like the parting of the red sea , & uplift the souls that have been blessed to walk alongside his stride. judai used to hold stardust in the palms of his hands as though it were his birth right , each wrinkle etched into his own constellation , ANCIENT & POWERFUL. the bones under his skin ache with duties not unlike a messiah , shepherding the weak , the lost , & the broken to paradise of peace when no one even knows his namesake.

but she does. she , who is blended together with the same celestial matter , the same apollo - kissed resplendence , an akin venerable force , utters his name so melodiously from blossom - esque lips , he'd rather die than never hear it again. judai thinks about eva's touch , the way he remembers the contour of each line that encircles the pads of her fingers & yearns for the ease in which she battles his inner demons ⎯⎯ it isn't her fight & the GUILT he suffers for her to need to intervene bubbles in the pit of his gut like a poison. its miasma rears it ugly head in the darkness of lonely midnights , but when eva is near , when judai can hear her voice , that is when he believes heaven is real.

& so his stillness is interrupted. tread begins again , halting only when the distance between she & himself is minimal enough that their resident body heats intermingle & their breaths converse with each other. eyes with tales of sun flares & battle - worn yesterdays soften so smoothly the action almost isn't visible. the duelist buries himself in her gaze / swims so freely in the ocean of her sight , basking in the way the color sparkles , her pupils dilate. she's always been a sight to behold & not once does judai's breath belong to him in her presence.

' ⎯⎯⎯ yanno i suck at words , blue. ' he opens with amusement , the smallest of grins etching into the corners of his mouth. ' you deserve so much , the damn world even. to this day , i wonder , why me? what made you choose me , outta everyone else , 'cause , ya' could've had a normal life. a normal school life , a normal relationship , a normal . . . ' judai trails off because for a reason unbeknownst to him , the word marriage catches in the hollow of his throat , as if this isn't the right time. he takes his body's heed & moves on. ' ⎯⎯ y'know what i mean. what i'm tryin' to say is ⎯ ' another pause. temple presses to temple , summer brown uniting with summer blue , upper limbs circling around slim waist.

' i . . . i need you more than i've ever needed anything else. '

[dilemmaontwolegs]

Angel || LN4

Summary: Kingsday gets a little wild, in honour of Lando’s nose. Warnings: alcohol, injuries, blood WC: 1.7k

Lando wasn’t drunk, but he was by no means sober either. Everyone had warned him the Kingsday event was a marathon not a sprint so he was taking it slow, sipping his rum and coke out of the orange paper cup while the river boat cruised its course.

By midafternoon it was another story completely.

Martin had taken a break and let a playlist continue the party without him on the deck while he went in search of Lando. The British driver had reached the point of being tipsy and fallen into a state of drunkenness where he could no longer block out his intrusive thoughts. Everywhere he looked couples were dancing or making out and he couldn’t help the despair of loneliness that separated him from the fun.

Leaning back on the cushions that covered the bow, Lando looked up to the bright blue sky and wondered why he couldn’t find someone that loved him with the same passion he had. He was always the one to fall harder and knew it was why things didn’t work out long-term.

The half empty cup was stolen from his hand and Lando lolled his head to see Martin drinking it dry. “No more for you, my friend. Smile! It’s Kingsday: the sun is out and the music is loud.”

“Sorry,” Lando sighed, not quite able to muster up a real smile.

“What’s wrong?” Martin dropped onto a cushion beside him and nudged his shoulder until Lando spilled the thoughts he was harbouring.

—

“These heels are killing me,” you complained as they wobbled on the cobblestone. “Can we stop for a minute?”

There were groans from some of the guys in the group but their girlfriends silenced them. You smiled gratefully at your friends but knew they were in just as much pain after hours of drinking in the city for Kingsday. The thought of walking any further to the house party someone had invited everyone to nearly had you calling for a taxi, despite the chances of getting one next to nothing.

“Lennon said there will be tons of single guys at the party. In that dress you will totally pull a 10,” Sarah said as she leaned back against the bridge rail and rolled each ankle to ease the ache.

You laughed at the statement and mirrored her position, careful not to drop the glass you had accidentally stolen from the last bar. “Getting laid isn’t the problem, it’s getting the guy to stick around afterwards.”

“Relationships are overrated,” she said, blowing a kiss to Lennon when he looked her way and raised a brow. “Not ours, baby.”

You sighed longingly as they shared a smile. “I want what you guys have.”

“Well then you better hurry up because the love of your life might just be waiting for you. Wouldn’t want to miss that, would you?”

You rolled your eyes but decided that you would continue the walk barefoot and put your heels back on when you got to the house. Leaning against the rail, you balanced on one foot and reached for your heel just as a drunkard went flying past on his e-bike.

“Ah, shit!” you screamed as you lost your balance, toppling back over the rail and straight towards the murky water below.

—

Martin yawned as he listened to Lando’s long winded explanation for why he was alone and all his friends were in relationships.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I was putting you to sleep,” he sassed.

“Well if you want some advice, from someone in a relationship, you’re not helping yourself moping around. For starters, you need to get up,” Martin encouraged as he rose to his feet and offered his friend a hand before the sunlight disappeared, the boat passing under one of the many bridges. “Love isn’t going to just fall into your lap-”

A scream pierced the air before a flurry of orange material crashed onto Lando, both their eyes squinting to readjust to the bright sunlight out of the tunnel.

Your heart hammered in your chest as you realised you were still alive and you looked around to see what had broken your fall. “Holy shit, I am so sorry!”

A stunned man sat beneath you and you reached for his face as you noticed the blood running down his nose. “Oh my god, did I do that? Are you alright? Shit, you probably don’t speak English.”

“He speaks English. It’s getting him to shut up that’s the problem,” a man standing above you said with a laugh. “Lando, mate, snap out of it.”

You started to climb off his lap but his arms tightened around you and he shook his head with a wince. “Don’t move, you might have broken something.”

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” you apologised again.

“Not me, you muppet,” he laughed. “You might have broken something.”

You patted yourself down, straightening your dress back into place at the same time, but everything felt fine. You tested your wrists and ankles too, only to notice you had indeed broken things.

“What’s the damage?” Lando asked.

“Ego mostly,” you admitted sheepishly. “I think I broke my heel on your face.”

“Pretty sure that was your glass,” he said looking at what remained in your hand, the sting of the cut on your palm finally appearing when you noticed the blood on the broken glass. “How bad is it? Am I hideous?”

“You are still a 10,” you giggled after noticing he was devastatingly handsome, even with the cut across his nose. Grabbing the hem of your dress, you gently dabbed the blood away before realising that it was a stupid idea. “You don’t have any diseases, do you?”

“Rabies,” his friend joked.

“Speak for yourself, mate,” Lando shot back and while they bickered jokingly you heard your name called from the river bank. “Is that your boyfriend?”

“Are you alive?” Lennon shouted as he ran along with the boat.

“Nope, I’ve died and gone to heaven!”

“I’ll let Sarah know!” He grew smaller as he stopped running and the boat continued downstream to some unknown destination.

“That’s my best friend’s boyfriend,” you explained as you patted your bra but found your phone missing. “Can I borrow your phone? I think mine drowned.”

Lando carefully shifted you so he could get to his pocket before settling you back on his lap. The grateful smile you gave him almost made him drop the device and he had to enter his passcode in twice before he got it right.

“Where is this boat heading to?” you asked as the dial tone connected. “Hey, it’s me, calm down, I’m alive.”

“Good, I’ll kill you myself! You gave me a fucking heart attack, woman!” You had to hold the phone away from your ear as she shouted her concern.

“I didn’t do it on purpose, but I’m sorry for giving you a heart attack.”

“As you should be! Len said you landed on some guy. Is he hot?”

Your face heated and you knew he had heard the question with the curious look on his face. “Mhmm, very.”

“You should invite him to the party and do a little sexy dance for him!”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I kind of…broke his face.”

The silence was damning before you swore you heard her laugh from all the way upstream. “Only you could have the worst luck with men.”

“Trust me, I know all too well. Anyway, they are stopping at the Rose Bridge so I’ll just meet you guys there. Guess my luck isn’t all that bad.”

You ended the call and handed the phone back.

“What party are you going to?” Lando asked as he pocketed it again.

“I don’t know, it’s some house party. There’s a local DJ playing.”

Lando’s smile grew and he pointed to his friend. “Local DJ, ha!”

As it turned out the house party wasn’t actually a party at someone’s house and the DJ wasn’t just locally renowned. Once you were finally introduced to Lando’s friend you found out he was the DJ, Martin Garrix, and Lando was even more famous.

“I can’t afford a lawsuit,” you groaned when you realised you had practically assaulted a celebrity.

“It’s just a scratch,” Lando assured you after Martin found a first aid kick. His poor attempt at wrapping a bandage made Lando look like a mummy so you took the box yourself and found a couple of small butterfly stitches. “Nothing a kiss wouldn’t fix.”

You giggled at his flirty nature you had come to adore in the last hour and if you hadn’t drunk so much liquid courage at the bar you probably wouldn't have been able to lean closer and kiss his cheek. His skin was warm and soft beneath your lips and when you opened your eyes you found his blue eyes staring intently back. “Better?”

He shook his head. “Nope, I think it needs another try.”

“Hmmm, good idea.” You kissed his other cheek and grinned when he pouted. “No? One last try.”

Your fingers delighted in the feel of his soft hair as you combed the curls and dipped your head to his. Your heart rate spiked and you closed your eyes as you kissed his pillow-soft lips teasingly slowly before his hands cupped your face and he deepened the kiss.

You broke away with a small gasp and your eyes were wide with the want for more. It was a look reflected on Lando’s face as he gently stroked your heated cheeks.

“Hey, lovebirds! We’re here,” Martin called as the boat reached the canal edge.

You kicked off your broken heels and Lando frowned before he gave you his, looping his fingers into the straps of your shoes to carry them. You were already wearing his shirt since your dress had his blood on it and you were certain you looked at absolute mess.

“Ready to party, Angel?”

“Angel?”

“What else would I call a beautiful woman who fell from the heavens?” Lando wondered if he was making a mistake and moving to fast like he always did but it was too late, the question was already out there.

“You could call me your girlfriend.” You cringed in an instant. “I mean not tonight, that would be way too quick but-”

Lando cut you off with a kiss and you felt his smile against your lips before he asked, “How about tomorrow?”

[helios-writings]

I Drank Dry the River Lethe

Osamu Dazai x gn! Reader

wc: 1.2k

Warnings: none

Dazai is in love with you, he has no idea. He just knows that you make him feel…weird.

Dazai doesn’t know what’s happening to him, as far as he’s aware, you don’t have a special ability. But, that has to be the only explanation for how his heartbeat quickens whenever you walk into the room, how his breath is stolen every time you smile. How every accidental touch makes him yearn for more, like a siren song he can’t get out of his head, even if he were to jump overboard.

You were always so kind to him, a far cry from Kunikida who you claim to be best friends with. But it’s Dazai who you always hand a cup of coffee to, Dazai who you always save a pastry for. He can’t bear it, your kindness. Like he doesn’t deserve it. He’s sure you know, and yet….you still smile at him. Your smile is so bright it could rival the sun, and Dazai wouldn’t mind burning in its ultraviolet rays.

He’s staring at you now, as you sit on the corner of where Atsushi is sitting, talking animatedly at him, gesturing so wildly with your hands you nearly hit yourself in the face. You laugh, embarrassed. It’s like music to his ears, he wants to record the sound and play it on repeat over his headphones so he never forgets it, so it's ingrained into his brain.

“Dazai,” you say, “want anything from the shop?”

He blinks, taken out of his thoughts by the lilt of your voice. “What?”

You're next to him now, the scent of your body spray nearly intoxicating to him. He wants to press his nose to your throat and drink it in.

“The shop, I’m going to pick up lunch from there. Do you want anything?”

He stands, stretches and yawns. “I’ll just come with you.”

You roll your eyes, but smile still. “Well, don’t make it sound like such a chore, I could’ve offered to get you nothing.”

Dramatically he leans against your shoulder, hand over his forehead, feigning a sorrowful swoon. “And starve me to death? How cruel, even for you.”

You laugh, Dazai loves making you laugh. He craves it, almost, wants to keep doing it.

“You’re so dramatic, but alright, come along.”

He’d follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked, but for now, the shop down the street would do.

You say hello to a bunch of people as you pass by, almost all of them complete strangers. You even hum as you walk. He’s so content watching you, that he almost runs into a lamppost.

You pull him away just in time and frown. “It’s not good to have your head stuck in the clouds all the time. What if you got hit by a car?! Dr. Yosano wouldn’t have been able to heal you!”

“Awe, you’re worried about little old me?”

You let him go. “You know what, actually? Next time you daydream I’m letting you hit the pole, and I hope you get the ugliest bump on the middle of your forehead. And when you beg and plead with me for an ice pack, I am going to say I told you so.”

You let the silence linger for one moment. “And then I’ll get you the ice pack.”

He laughs, absolutely enamored with you. “I knew you enjoyed my company.”

“Of course, that’s why I get gray hairs trying to keep you around. Now, come on. I’m starving and I want to grab a good onigiri before they’re all gone!”

You grab his hand and pull you along and oh. He thinks this is the first time you’ve touched him on purpose, the feeling of your hand so impossibly warm in his he doesn’t know what to think or feel. He wants to pull you into him, wrap you up in his arms and never let go. He could die in your arms and nothing else would ever be more perfect.

Dazai knows what he feels when he looks at you now, the shortness of breath, the skipping heart. It is no spell, no special ability.

He is in love with you, drawn to you like a moth to a flame, a nail to a magnet.

Suddenly, all he wants to do is tell you, the need clawing his way to the top of his throat, being stopped only by sheer will. He will not tell you this in a shitty convenience store, where anyone could overhear. No, he won’t do that. Dazai has some semblance of romance after all, even if Kunikida thinks the opposite.

“What do you want?” You ask, observing the onigiri with a seriousness that otherwise would’ve made him chuckle, had his very being not been shaken to the core.

His eyes land on the first bento he sees and he grabs it. “This is perfect.”

You raise a brow. “Are you okay? Did you actually hit your head and I didn’t see?”

Dazai rolls his eyes. “I’m just really in the mood for….salmon.”

He absolutely was not in the mood for salmon, but you shrugged and continued perusing for the items the rest of the ADA had asked for. He even managed to regain some state of being long enough to help you carry the bag back to the agency.

You grin brightly as you enter the office. “Lunch! And I can say with one hundred percent certainty that nothing got crushed. Except for Dazai, almost.”

“I’m telling you, I could’ve avoided any oncoming traffic.”

You roll your eyes, but smile at him in exasperation. “Okay, okay. You’re tough as nails.”

Dazai shoves the whole piece of salmon in his mouth to prevent the feelings from spilling out. He nearly chokes.

You hand him a glass of water, eyes crinkled in the corner from amusement.

***

It’s just you two in the office at the end of the day. The atmosphere is almost stifling now that he has the perfect chance to confess.

It’s funny, how easily he was able to proposition other people that he thought were perfect candidates for his dream. But now that it was you, someone he knows, that he cares for….he almost can’t get the words out. Everyone he’s ever propositioned pales in comparison to you, you have wholly ruined him; there’s no one on earth like you.

You’re nervous as you turn to him. “I know why you're acting weird.”

“You do?” Shit.

“You found out about my feelings for you. I knew I was too obvious.”

Dazai blinks. “Huh?”

Realization that he didn’t know dawns on you and you rush to leave, but he grabs your arm and pulls you into a desperate kiss, like if he didn’t kiss you in that moment he would explode.

Your lips against his are a religious feeling, something to worship. He wonders if he could get amnesia so he couldn’t experience them for the first time over and over again. Wonders if, perhaps, he’s already dead and this is his eternal heaven.

Knows he’s alive once you pull away and laugh, eyes shining in disbelief and joy. He kisses you again. You smile into it.

Dazai spends a lot of time doing that until he’s certain he’ll never get tired of it.

[quitealotofsodapop]

I absolutely adore Tang River Water au!

I really like the idea that Tang accidentally drank water from this river and became pregnant just out of carelessness. It's too hilarious. An even funnier thing was that now their child is the rebirth of jade emperor. They can never have a break. Poor guys.

But for some reason it became very interesting to me what type of Tang will be during pregnancy? Will it be easy or will he be terribly emotional? Or something else, I would really look at it. I also think that he would really not like that when he tried to eat his husband's food, and then he started to feel sick just from the smell. He would definitely look at his stomach with anger and disappointment "you. traitor". And he would absolutely ask Pigsy to hold his belly in the later months of pregnancy.

I also really wonder how they would behave with their daughter. I know they love her, but I'm sure they're absolutely scared and DON't know what to do. I just want to know what they're planning to do. Will they overprotect her because she is the rebirth of the most powerful being in all of heaven? Or will they hide it? Maybe they will ask for help from heaven?

referencing.

Hehehe! I'm glad you like it!

Tang was just so thirsty after being in the desert (I believe is meant to be the Gobi) that he just leaps into the first water source he can find. Pigsy yells after him but Tang's already gulped down the yucky muddy stream water before Pigsy reminds him that there's a water purifier in the TEA. By then, the remnants of the Mother-Child River had already begun the process.

After his body adapts to the major magically-induced change, Tang ends up using his condition to get out of work/to get pampered on. Emotionally he's ok, just a little more worried than usual. And Pigsy is such an adoring spouse that Tang's symptoms rarely go unattended. Lots of cuddles and tummy rubs in the later months.

Ankles swell: "Oh Piggy~ My feet hurt." Morning Sickness: "I need tea and kisses!" Cravings: (Tang: "I require oranges, bao buns, ramune soda, takoyaki sauce-" Pigsy: "How about I leave you inside the Speedy Panda with 500 yuan and I close my eyes while you go shop?" Tang: "I love you so much piggy.") Smells: "MK you stink. Take a shower or I will literally barf." Painful Kicking: "Cuddle time." >:3

And if the *cicada* part of the Golden Cicada is acting up; he gets into carving/whittling - cicadas etch tree bark to lay their eggs. Pigsy now has many tables in the restaurant defaced with Tang's "masterpieces".

And I absolutely hit Tang with what (he believes) is the worst symptom on Earth; Food aversion. Specifically towards NOODLE SOUP. His husband's own cooking! He's distraught! Something about the combination of broth and noodles makes his stomach turn! Broth and noodles separate? Ok. Together? Instant morning sickness. He suspects its something to do with the texture of the noodles when their soggy.

Wukong: "Maybe your brain thinks its worms." Tang: *turns green and retches*

Pigsy goes out of his way to prepare dishes for Tang that don't set off his nausea, even if it means altering his traditional methods.

Pigsy: "Ok, I've been experimenting with a new dish for a while and I want your opinion." Tang, delighted: "Ooo hoho! You know I'll always be your taste tester, Piggy." Pigsy: *presents the elements of his noodle recipe* Tang: "Huh?" Pigsy: "You seemed really sad to not eat noodle soup, so I made a dry version so that you can still enjoy the flavours. The broth is on the side so you can drink it. The guy from the somen restaurant gave me some pointers." Tang, getting emotional: "You... you changed your recipe for me!?" Pigsy, grabbing Tang's hands: "Our family recipe, Tangy. That includes you and our little critic." Tang: *bursts out sobbing and shovels the dry noodle fixings into his mouth*

The baby - "Bao/宝/treasure or bundle" (also bao buns were one of Pigsy's cooking Tang could eat) - ultimately looks similar to a baby orc from Dungeon Meshi. A mostly chubby human baby with pig features. She has a puff of Tang's dark hair that becomes little black stripes on her back like a wild piglet.

What the baby takes after Pigsy in appearance, she takes from Tang in greediness. Before she's even off milk she'll try taking bites of other people's food. She's bold and confident, hilarious to anyone seeing a tiny piglet chasing Celestial soldiers like she's her own army.

And of course theres the issue of Bao being the reincarnation of one of the oldest and most powerful deities in taoism...

Pigsy and Tang are def the overprotective types, not so much for Bao being a powerful baby, but because every immortal seems to forget that she's still an uber-fragile preemie. Her health wasn't great when she was born (worsened by the circumstances around the birth). The freenoodles parents atleast have experience raising the little chaos monkey that was MK - the only difference being that Bao can't climb so good. Though she does seem to have control over the weather for some reason.

The Celestial Realm has to catch on quickly that she isn't the Jade Emperor anymore - she gets kidnapped atleast once by Heaven's officials needing the Emperor to approve paperwork. Bao screamed and grunted, rampaging around the imperial Palace the whole time.

The Queen Mother is saddened but adoring - her husband truly has passed on, but this little angel is a wonderful new beginning for him. She hopes to reunite in a later life.

Demons in general are pretty hopeful of Bao''s existance. Now that the Jade Emperor has been reborn on one of their kind - perhaps demonkind will be elevated once more? They'll have to wait until she's out of diapers before they start placing bets.

Princess Iron Fan's immediate reaction (after dealing with the shock of losing her estranged father) is to burst out; "HAH!" at the irony. Her father disapproved of her marriage to the Demon Bull King for his race - only to be reborn as a pig demon! The coincidence is hilarious! The Demon Bull fam does visit the baby girl to send their blessings, and offer advice based on how chaotic little Red was as a calf. Bao adores her giant uncle Bull since he's fluffy and big and smells like her baba when he cooks. She also gets super attached to Red Son for similar reasons - though Tang suspects it's because she smells grilled meat on him.

MK adores Bao, and will kill everything in the three Realms if anything happened to her. Bao in turn loves her big bro - even if she bites him and steals his food.

[persephonememes]

* (  STICK SEASON FOREVER BY NOAH KAHAN /  SENTENCE PROMPTS.

These may have been edited for clarity or length or to better apply for roleplaying.

" how you been? "

" what does it mean? "

" i am stuck between my anger and the blame that i can't face "

" i miss the way you laugh "

" but you know how it gets out here "

" you got all my love "

" if you need me dear, i'm the same as i was "

" it's all okay, there ain't a drop of bad blood "

" i just hope that your scars heal "

" i was scared to death "

" i'll never let you go "

" i don't get much sleep most nights "

" i'm seeing you in every dream "

" i'll love you when the oceans dry "

" i'll love you when the rivers freeze "

" don't you know there's a coffin buried under the garden "

" i'm in the process of clearing out cobwebs "

" someday i'm gonna be somebody people want "

" it's been a long year "

" would we survive in a horror movie? "

" i wanna love you 'till we're food for the worms to eat "

" i know every route in this county "

" i'll tell you where not to speed "

" honey, come over "

" no one will tempt you, we know you got sober "

" it's yours if you want it "

" i've been ready for you to come home "

" i didn't think to ask you where you'd gone "

" why'd you go? "

" i haven't drank in six months on the dot "

" don't you find it strange that you just went ahead and carried on? "

" the last time i drank i was face down passed out there on your lawn "

" are we all just pulling you down? "

" remember telling me that you thought you were cursed? "

" love is fast asleep on a dirt road with your head on my shoulder "

" those things I miss but know are never coming back "

" if i was empty space and you were formless shape we'd fit "

" i'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them "

" i know there are worse ways to stay alive "

" why is pain so damn impatient? "

" the last that i heard you were down in new orleans "

" i worry for you. you worry for me. "

" it's fine if we know we won't change "

" i'm leaving this town "

" i know that you're fearing the end "

" i only tell truth when I'm sure that I'm lying "

" how have you been and are you bored yet? "

" time moves so damn slow "

" i stopped caring about a month ago since then it's been smooth sailing "

" i would leave if only i could find a reason "

" i got dreams but i can't make myself believe them "

" i don't want to say goodbye "

" i'm still here with you "

" for a minute the world seems so simple "

" who was i to watch you wilt? "

" i promise to be there this time "

" i'm naming the stars in the sky after you "

" i'm remembering i promised to forget you now "

" it's all the same, anyways "

" i ain't proud of all the punches that i've thrown "

" i gave your name as my emergency phone call "

" i'd die for you "

" why do you do this to yourself? "

" this place had a heartbeat in its day "

" it just ain't that simple, it never was "

" we'll drink to new year's "

" i'm not ready to let go yet "

" now the weight of the world ain't so bad "

" i saw the end, it looks just like the middle "

" who am I to complain? "

" now the pain's different. it still exists, it just escapes different. "

" don't you cancel any plans "

" all lights turned off can be turned on "

" i'll drive all night "

" don't be discouraged "

" i've been exactly where you are "

" if you could see yourself like this, you'd have never tried it "

" won't you stay with me? "

" i even gave up driving after nightfall "

" i'm ain't angry at you, love "

" i'll be waiting for you "

" we spent so long just getting by "

" i'm not a city girl "

" it still has a lot of meaning to me because i grew up there "

" it's a small community of people that really look out for each other "

" last time i was in the back of a cop car, i fell in love "

" it's all the same anyway "

" let's drive for no reason "

" honey, it's starting to storm "

" i won't be alone for the rest of my life "

" i broke a bone that never healed in my hand "

" so when i hold you close, i might loosen my grip. but i won't ever let you go. "

" but i won't ever let you go "

" remember when we called the cops 'cause you got too high and you got scared? "

" could you imagine that? "

" i'm running out of tears to cry "

" maybe something's changing me "

" you love me and i don't know why "

" i only call you once a week "

" does it bite at your edges? "

" do you lie awake restless? "

" this town's the same as you left it "

" your page was blank, but i read it "

" i stare out that hallowed ocean as if to pick a fight "

" for the dreams my old man dreamt for me, lay on the other side "

" we're overdue for a revival "

" we spent so long just getting by "

" who the hell likes living just to die? "

[veryhardymemes]

Noah Kahan Sentence Starters Stick Season (We’ll Be Here Forever)

Content Warning For: Suicidal ideations/imagery, mentions of alcohol/drugs, depression/melancholia, mentions of COVID

Northern Attitude:

How you been? Settled down?

How’re your kids?

Where are you?

What does it mean?

Forgive my northern attitude

Stick Season:

I am stuck between my anger and the blame that I can't face

Memories are something even smoking weed does not replace

Doc told me to travel but there's COVID on the planes

I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks

I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed

I just like to play the victim

I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad that I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad

I’m no longer funny

My other half was you

I hope this pain’s just passing through 

I doubt it

All My Love:

How have things been?

Well, now that you mention it

I'm saying too much but you know how it gets out here

No winter coat could keep out all the cold of your atmosphere

You got all my love

If you need me dear, I'm the same as I was

You burrowed in under my skin

What I'd give to have you out from me

I just hope that your scars heal

I swear I was scared to death

She Calls Me Back:

Oh, there was heaven in your eyes

Everything’s alright when she calls me back

Look at me and don't you lie

For bullshit I do not have time

Does it bite at your edges?

Do you lie awake restless?

Why am I so obsessive?

This town's the same as you left it

The radio is taunting me

I don't get much sleep most nights

I'm seeing you in every dream

If only I could wake you up

If only I could fall asleep

I'll love you when the oceans dry

I'll love you when the rivers freeze

I was too afraid of living life in your footsteps

Come Over:

I’m in the business of losing your interest

Don't you know there's a coffin buried under the garden?

You won't have to guess who they're speaking about

I'm in the process of clearing out cobwebs

I was taking the wrong meds

It feels good to be sad

I know that it ain’t much

I know that it ain’t cool

You don’t have to tell the other kids at school

Someday I’m gonna be somebody people want

New Perspective:

Silence is making me nostalgic

We were kids but that don't make this less hard

If I could fly I doubt I'd even do it

You made Ohio feel just like Central Park

You and all of your new perspective now

Everywhere, Everything:

It's been a long year

Would we survive in a horror movie?

We trust everyone we meet

I wanna love you 'till we're food for the worms to eat

Keep my hand in yours

Orange Juice: 

Honey, come over

We know you got sober

There's orange juice in the kitchen

It’s yours if you want it

We're just glad you could visit

The last time I drank I was face down passed out there on your lawn

Are we all just crows to you now?

Are we all just pulling you down?

You didn't put those bones in the ground

Strawberry Wine:

Darling speak to me

Remember telling me that you thought you were cursed?

I'm in love with every song you've ever heard

If I could lose you I would

We buried your bones in plywood

I said love is fast asleep on a dirt road with your head on my shoulder

For you, darling, for you

No thing defines a man like love that makes him soft and sentimental like a stranger in the park

For a few moments, I see you

Growing Sideways:

So I took my medication

We argued about Jesus

I said I’m cured

I’m still angry at my parents

But it’s a start

I ignore things

At the end of the day I know there are worse ways to stay alive

I'm terrified that I might never have met me

I guess I’ll drive

So I forgot my medication

Now I’m suffering in style

Why is pain so damn impatient?

It's better to die numb than feel at all

Halloween:

I'm sailing away to a place I'm afraid of

I'm drinking my days with the coastal longshoreman

I drink 'till I drown and I smoke 'till I'm burning

I worry for you

You worry for me

I'm leaving this town and I'm changing my address

I know that you'll come if you want

There's a murder of crows in the low light off Boston

Homesick:

Two months since you got back

Are you bored yet?

The weather ain’t been bad

If you’re into masochistic bullshit

This place is such great motivation for anyone tryna move

Time moves so damn slow

I swear I feel my organs failing

I would leave if only I could find a reason

I'm mean because I grew up in New England

I got dreams but I can't make myself believe them

I’m homesick

Still:

I don’t want to say goodbye

You find love that lasts a while 'till you lose the reasons

You miss something that you can't place but you can't deny it

It's like I'm still here with you

It's a bottomless hole I've found out here with a trace of no one

The View Between Villages:

For a minute the world seems so simple

I’m seventeen again

I am not scared of death

I’ve got dreams again

Your Needs, My Needs:

Oh well, who was I?

Who was I to watch you wilt?

You ain't gotta tell me what it means

You'll always be a flower on my skin

I promise to be there this time

I'm naming the stars in the sky after you

Dial Drunk:

I'm remembering I promised to forget you now

I ain't proud of all the punches that I've thrown in the name of someone I no longer know

I don't like that when they threw me in the car

I gave your name as my emergency phone call

Even the cops thought you were wrong for hanging up

I’d die for you

The dial tone is all I have

I beg you, sir, just let me call

Let's wait I swear she'll call me back

Son, are you a danger to yourself?

Son, why do you do this to yourself?

Paul Revere:

This place had a heartbeat in its day

The boys are drunk

But it just ain't that simple, it never was

One day I'm gonna cut it clear

I’m not from around here

I'll leave before the road crew's out

Folks just disappear

If I could leave, I would've already left

No Complaints:

Thought I had something

That's the same as having something

I'd get mad at nothing

Blame my dad for something

I'd pull no punches

Thought I was raised better

Hope the skin heals where the pain enters

I set a time, then I showed up

Now the weight of the world ain't so bad

I filled the hole in my head with prescription medication

Who am I to complain?

And now the pain's different

I can finally eat and I can fall asleep

Call Your Mom:

Oh, you’re spiraling again

Don't let this darkness fool you

All lights turned off can be turned on

I’ll drive all night

I’ll call your mom

If you could see yourself like this, you'd have never tried it

Oh dear, don't be discouraged

I've been exactly where you are

Throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason

Don't wanna drive another mile wondering if you're breathing

Won’t you stay with me?

You’re Gonna Go Far:

This is normal conversation, babe, it's all fine

The college kids are getting so young, ain't they?

I got tired of the frat boys with the brights on

"This is good land" or at least it was

Say whatever you feel, be wherever you are

We're overdue for a revival

We spent so long just getting by

You told me you would make a difference

[1941-crowley-slut]

They call us lucky

But I think we might be cursed

Cause the way you love me

I could drink the river dry

And still die of thirst

[imperpetuallylost]

strawberry </3

“they call us lucky but i think we might be cursed, cause the way you love me i could drink the river dry and still die of thirst”

[maybeimamuppet]

35 w chansaw

chansaw, 35- kissing their bruises and scars

tw for death, mentioned violence, mentioned blood/gore

“Damn, Sawyer, what the hell happened to you?” Heather asks. Veronica glares down her ghostly form, but she knows it’s withering at best and downright pitiful at worst.

“Can it, Chandler.”

“Well, now, what did I ever do to you?”

Heather clearly isn’t expecting Veronica to break down in tears. She freezes, floating aimlessly a few inches off the ground while Veronica practically rips her clothes off and throws them as far away as she can get with a shriek before stalking off to the bathroom.

“Jesus, Veronica, you’re gonna scrub your skin off,” Heather says when she sees how aggressively Veronica is trying to wash her face.

“Good,” Veronica growls, scrubbing even harder. Heather watches in concerned silence as more tears stream down her face in rivers to replace the ones she’s trying so desperately to wash away.

“Veronica, seriously, what happened?” she asks, using what little ghost strength she has to shut off the tap.

Veronica is forced to look up. She’s violently confronted with her own reflection. Ash and blood and gore in her tangled, messy hair. More on her ears that she didn’t manage to wash off. It coats her neck and her arms and legs and everything everything. The hollow, empty, dead look in her eyes.

“He’s dead,” she sobs.

“What? Who’s dead?” Heather asks quietly. “Ronnie. What happened?”

“JD. JD’s dead,” Veronica chokes. It’s the first time she’s said the words since… it happened. She was fine helping the police look for everything that remained of her former boyfriend. Was fine filling out a witness report. Was fine watching the police tell Bud Dean. Was fine when Mac tackled her in a hug and cried in relief that she was okay. But now, all alone in her bathroom, is when Veronica Sawyer shatters.

“Jesus,” Heather whispers. “Sit down.”

“I can’t-”

“I said sit down, pillowcase,” Heather insists. Veronica is still probably too afraid of Heather even with her being dead. She obediently sits on the closed toilet and watches as Heather struggles her way through wetting and applying cleanser to a washcloth.

Her touch is cold, when she gently tips up Veronica’s chin and ghosts (so to speak) her fingers across her cheek to tuck some hair behind her ear.

She gently scrubs away the dirt and muck, occasionally folding or bunching up the cloth when part of it gets too dirty to actually clean anymore.

“Why aren’t you mad at me?” Veronica says, a disgustingly pitiful waver in her voice as she looks up at the ghost in red.

“Because you are,” Heather says. “There are things you come to understand when you die, Veronica. As tempting as it is to be a bitch and fuck up your life, you’re already doing plenty of that to yourself. And you’re not the one who killed me.”

“I gave you that drink! I knew he wasn’t messing around, I didn’t even look inside it-”

“Because you didn’t think you needed to,” Heather says calmly as she wrings out the cloth and leaves it to dry. “You might have known he wasn’t totally joking, but you also thought you could trust him.”

“Aren’t you mad at me for… for…”

“Grieving my murderer?” Heather says bluntly. “Kinda, yeah.”

“What-what are you gonna do?”

“I’m gonna put you in the fucking shower, dumbass.”

“And kill me?”

“No! I can barely wash your face, Sawyer, there’s no chance in hell I’m strong enough to kill you,” Heather scoffs. “You’re gonna clean all that… ick out of your hair.”

“But you just-”

“I’m upset that you’re grieving for him more than you did for me,” Heather says in a single… breath? “Okay? That’s it. But you loved him, a lot, Veronica. Even if he killed me, even if he treated you like shit, even if he was a terrible person. You saw something there that nobody else did, Sawyer. And it might’ve ruined you, but it clearly did you some good for a while. You loved each other. You’re allowed to mourn that even with everything that happened.”

“You… you…” Veronica stutters. “Huh?”

“I love you, dipshit,” Heather says succinctly. “I just was too caught up in my bitchitude to show it while I was still alive.”

Veronica just blinks. Heather flutters over and crouches in front of her. Once again, she tips up Veronica’s chin. Veronica inhales sharply when she faintly feels a kiss on her eyebrow. Another on her cheekbone. Another beneath her ear. One on her closed eye.

Heather coaxes her to extend her arm and gently presses her lips to each bruise and gash peppering Veronica’s pale skin. Veronica cries again as she feels just how faint they are. She’s watching them happen, but it feels like Heather is somehow kissing her from a thousand miles away. Like they’re coming from a fog, still able to be felt, to be seen, but obscured so much they’re barely there.

“You’re gonna shower,” Heather whispers. “And then you’re gonna buy us some corn nuts, and invite Martha over. And we’re all gonna watch The Princess Bride and try to forget what happened today. And then, someday, when you’re not so… raw, we’re gonna fucking work through everything that happened to us. Okay?”

“But I don’t like corn nuts,” Veronica mumbles.

“Oh, you monster.”

[femmeraegeresource]

Lyric Starters from Stick Season by Noah Kahan

Northern Attitude

How you been?

Settled down?

You feelin' right?

Feelin' proud?

How are your kids?

Where are they now?

Where are you?

What does it mean?

If I get too close and I'm not how you hoped, forgive my northern attitude

Oh, I was raised out in the cold

Oh, I was raised on little light

[I/You] bought some shit

[I’m/You’re] gettin' lost

[I’m/You’re] gettin' high

[I’m/You’re] all alone, late in life

[I’m/You’re] scared to live

[I’m/You’re] scared to die

You settle down

[I’m/You’re] gettin' stoned, then kickin' rocks

Stick Season

You promised me that I was more than all the miles combined

You must've had yourself a change of heart like halfway through the drive

Kept on drivin' straight and left our future to the right

Now I am stuck between my anger and the blame that I can't face

Memories are somethin' even smoking weed does not replace

I am terrified of weather 'cause I see you when it rains

It's the season of the sticks

She forgot that I existed

It's half my fault

I just like to play the victim

I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas

I'll dream each night of some version of you that I might not have, but I did not lose

That'll have to do

I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad, that I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from Dad

I am no longer funny 'cause I miss the way you laugh

You once called me "forever," now you still can't call me back

My other half was you

I hope this pain's just passin' through, but I doubt it

All My Love

‘How have things been?’ Well, love, now that you mention it

My folks still talk but they speak in these two-word sentences

[I’m/You’re] sayin' too much

[I/You] know how it gets out here

No winter coat could keep out all the cold of your atmosphere

Now I know your name but not who you are

There ain't a drop of bad blood

You got all my love while I'm still out here

Writе me a list of how it is, of how it was, of how it has to be

You burrowed in under my skin

What I'd give to have you out of me

I still recall how the leather in your car feels

At the end of it all I just hope that your scars heal

I looked so confident, babe, I swear, I was scared to death

I smiled stupid the whole way home

You said, "I'll never you let go"

She Calls Me Back

There was Heaven in your eyes

Everything's alright when she calls me back

Look at me and don't you lie

I could be your sacrifice

Don't you hold your head up high

For bullshit, I do not have time

I do not exist to die, but live to die while saving you

Does it bite at your edges?

Do you lie awake restless?

Why am I so obsessive?

This town’s the same as you left it

Your page was blank, but I read it

The radio is taunting me

I don't get much sleep most nights

I'm seeing you in every dream

If only I could wake you up

If only I could fall asleep

I'll love you when the ocean's dry

I'll love you when the rivers freeze

I was too afraid of living life in your footsteps

Still she calls me back

Come Over

I'm in the business of losin' your interest

I turn a profit each time that we speak

My house was designed to kinda look like its cryin', the eyes are the windows, the garage is the mouth

You won't have to guess who thеy speakin' about

Come over, come over

I'm in the process of clearin' out cobwebs

Feels good to be sad

My mouth was designed for my foot to fit in it

I promise you, darlin', with the view in the morning, you won't ever go back

I know that it ain't much

I know that it ain't cool

You don't have to tell the other kids at school

My dad'll strike it rich

We'll be the big house on the block

Someday I'm gonna be somebody people want

New Perspective

Silence is making me nostalgic

We were kids, but that don't make this less hard

If I could fly I doubt I'd even do it

I'd probably get high and crash or something stupid

You made this place feel just like Central Park

Paper bags drift wherever the wind blows and mine's full of receipts

This town’s for the record now

The intersection got a Target and they're calling it downtown

You and all of your new perspective, wish I could shut it in a closet and drag you back down

Gave me your word and now I can't pronounce it

No thing so sure that I can't learn to doubt it

Now the state bird, it sings our song so out of key

Everything, Everywhere

It's been a long year

Would we survive in a horror movie?

We trust everyone we meet

I wanna love you 'til we're food for the worms to eat

I wanna love you 'til our fingers decompose

Drive slowly

I know every route in this county

Maybe that ain't such a bad thing

Orange Juice

Honey, come over

The party's gone slower

No one will tempt you

We know you got sober

There's orange juice in the kitchen

It's yours if you want it

We're just glad you could visit

I've been ready for you to come home for so long

I didn't think to ask you where you'd gone

Why'd you go?

You said my heart has changed

My soul has changed

Now my face has changed

See the graves as you pass through

Not one nick on your finger

You just asked mе to hold you

It made you a stranger and filled you with angеr

Now I'm third in the line up to your Lord and your Savior

My life had changed, this town had changed and you had not

Don't you find it strange that you just went ahead and carried on?

The last time I drank I was face down, passed out there in your lawn

Are we all just crows to you now?

Are we all just pullin' you down?

You didn't put those bones in the ground

Strawberry Wine

Darling, speak to me but don't you say a word

Light a cigarette, I'll watch it as it burns

Remember telling me that you thought you were cursed?

I'm in love with every song you've ever heard

If I could lose you, I would

We buried your bones in plywood

Love is fast asleep on a dirt road with your head on my shoulder

Those things I miss but know are never coming back for you, darling

No thing definеs a man like love that makes him soft

If I was empty space and you were a formless shape, we'd fit

Love leaves little runway and every time we run straight over it

Growing Sideways

I took my medication and I poured my trauma out on some sad-eyed middle aged man's overpriced new leather couch

I said "I'm cured"

I divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts

Keep the bad shit in my liver, and the rest around my heart

I'm still angry at my parents, for what their parents did to them

It's a start

I ignore things, and I move sideways 'til I forget what I felt in the first place

At the end of the day I know there are worse ways to stay alive

Everyone's growing and everyone's healthy

I'm terrified that I might never have met me

If my engine works perfect on empty I guess I'll drive

So I forgot my medication

Now I'm suffering in style

Why is pain so damn impatient?

And if all my life was wasted I don't mind, I'll watch it go

It's better to die numb than feel it all

Halloween

I'm sailin' away to a place I'm afraid of

The dawn isn't here, the sun hasn't rose

I'm drinkin' my days with the coastal longshoreman

They got money to make and children back home

The last that I heard, you were down in New Orleans

I drink 'til I drown and I smoke 'til I'm burnin'

Your hands are all over my scent

I worry for you

You worry for me

It's fine if we know we won't change

Collect every dream in these old empty pockets in hope that I'll need them some day

The wreckage of you, I no longer reside in

The bridges have long since been burnt

I'm leavin' this town and I'm changin' my address

I know that you'll come if you want

It's not Halloween, but the ghost you're dressed up as sure knows how to haunt

I know that you fear that I'm wicked and weary

I know that you fearin' the end

I only tell the truth when I'm sure that I'm lyin'

I'm settin' sail once again

Homesick

Two months since you got back

How have you been and are you bored yet?

The weather ain't been bad if you're into masochistic bullshit

Every photograph that's taken here is from the summer

This place is such great motivation for anyone tryna move the fuck away

Well, I'm tired of dirt roads named after high school friends' grandfathers

Timе moves so damn slow I swear I feel my organs failing

I stopped caring 'bout a month ago sincе then it's been smooth sailing

I would leave if only I could find a reason

I got dreams, but I can't make myself believe them

Spend the rest of my life with what could have been

I will die in the house that I grew up in

I'm homesick

Still

I don't want to say goodbye

It only falls into place when you're falling to pieces

You find love that lasts a while 'til you lose the reasons

You miss something that you can't place but you can't deny it

Don't know whether you want a place in the coast or the country

You can't stay here

It's hard to face and it feels too ugly

You light a fire inside yourself, let it burn

It's like I'm still here with you

And I used to watch my mother move like God was in the room

Grab a past box of photos, I rip myself open

I'm wondering if I'm callous but hoping, can I fix what is broken?

The View Between Villages

I'm splitting the road down the middle

For a minute the world seemed so simple

Feel the rush of my blood

I'm seventeen again

I am not scared of death

I've got dreams again

It's just me and the curve of the valley

There is meaning on Earth

I am happy

A minute from home, but I feel so far from it

It's all washin' over me, I'm angry again

The things that I lost here, the people I knew

They got me surrounded for a mile or two

The cars in reverse, I'm grippin' the wheel

I'm back between villages and everything's still

[yourmoonmomma]

For the ask game:

Music

They call us lucky, but I think we might be cursed

Cause the way you love me

I could drink the river dry and still die of thirst

[junebugged-j]

Melanie

The old woman was many things-- Intelligent, Perceptive, witty. She had a face like a pencil, eyes like a snake, and curly black hair that fell down in ribbons over her face. Once, Tom thought, she must’ve been the most beautiful woman in the world.  He corrected himself; She still was. She smiled wryly over at him. 

“What’s the matter, Fuzz? You’re studying me like a masterwork over there. I mean I missed you too and all, but damn.” You could see every bone through her paper-thin face, and she moved like a harlequin possessed with something infectious. All gestures and big expressions that moved the wrinkles all over her face. 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s just been a while.” He chuckled. “It’s just… that you’ve aged like shit and all, Melanie. I mean, Godsdamn.” He flashed his toothiest grin at her. “It’s only been, what, a decade?  Who let you get all old and greasy while I was out?”

The look on her face told him she couldn’t decide whether to laugh, cry, or grab the nearest blunt object and swing. She settled on shooting him with a glare sufficient to set a drill sergeant crying. Tom was careful not to let his relaxed posture slip for even a second, but he felt a river of sweat eroding his bacne. He’d had stare-downs with walls of meat three times her size, but the old crone knew his weaknesses. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d made him cry with just a glance. 

“Well.” Her eyes narrowed. “As nice as it’s been catching up, you sure as hell didn’t hike out to the other side of the city just to call me old. What’s going on?” She read him like a book. 

“Why do I have to have an ulterior motive?  Maybe I just wanted to catch up with my old mentor. Have a cup of coffee, talk about how things have been. Blanche’s good, by the way. And your son makes a fine secretary, though his little boytoy seems like trouble.”

“I know how Blanche’s doing. Books too. They both remember to call. Even the ‘Boy Toy’ sent me something for mother’s day. But you don’t work like that. You’re here because you need something.” If she’d been reading him before, she was annotating the text now. She might as well have pulled out a pen and started writing margin notes on his face. But she didn’t. She just sat there, mirroring his smug grin back at him. 

“Well. Yeah.” 

“So there’s this case I’m working on…”

---

They discussed it over black coffee and sweet liqueurs. It was an easy case, but Tom was more of a nosy detective than a clever one, so  he hadn’t made the connection. She spoiled the twist for him before he’d even finished explaining, in that creepy way she always did. It’s like she could read his mind.

When the official business was set to rights, they got to talking for real. He really had missed her dry wit and clever commentary. She was easily pushing 75, but had the spark of someone a quarter of her age. The best part? If he was able to contain his wisecracking long enough to let her talk, she was the smartest person he’d ever met:

“Tom, my friend, you have no fucking idea how tired I am of blood wine. I get it, I really do. We live on a big turtle. We love the big turtle. We have access to a lot of blood. But there’s no goddamn reason we can’t grow a fucking potato every once in a while.” 

“Melanie, you do this every time we drink. I don’t know what a potato is. Nobody knows what a potato is. If you can find one, I’ll personally quit my job to help you make a ‘Killer Vodka’.”

She was less smart when she was drunk. He was too.

“I know, I know. I’m telling you, Fuzz. They’re out there. Up top, they’re everywhere. When I was alive, I couldn’t go two minutes without seeing a potato. It was that or corn, all the time. It was all made of potatoes or corn.” She was disproportionately animated, talking about vegetables she’d probably just made up. She always got like this, when she remembered the time before she arrived in Salvation. 

“And what was that like? Being alive, I mean.” He lit a cigarette to avoid meeting her gaze. “I didn’t die, you know that. I was born here. I never knew The Glade. You always talk about all the things you used to have. All the ways it’s scarier to be here. But you never talk about what it was like.” The cig refused to light. He put it in his pocket and stole a glance her direction. She stared past him.

“It was. It was different. More real. Pass me another drink, and I’ll tell you a story.”

[persephonememes]

* (  STICK SEASON (WE'LL ALL BE HERE FOREVER) BY NOAH KAHAN /  SENTENCE PROMPTS

" how you been? "

" what does it mean? "

" i am stuck between my anger and the blame that i can't face "

" i miss the way you laugh "

" but you know how it gets out here "

" you got all my love "

" if you need me dear, i'm the same as i was "

" it's all okay, there ain't a drop of bad blood "

" i just hope that your scars heal "

" i was scared to death "

" i'll never let you go "

" i don't get much sleep most nights "

" i'm seeing you in every dream "

" i'll love you when the oceans dry "

" i'll love you when the rivers freeze "

" don't you know there's a coffin buried under the garden "

" i'm in the process of clearing out cobwebs "

" someday i'm gonna be somebody people want "

" it's been a long year "

" would we survive in a horror movie? "

" i wanna love you 'till we're food for the worms to eat "

" i know every route in this county "

" i'll tell you where not to speed "

" honey, come over "

" no one will tempt you, we know you got sober "

" it's yours if you want it "

" i've been ready for you to come home "

" i didn't think to ask you where you'd gone "

" why'd you go? "

" i haven't drank in six months on the dot "

" don't you find it strange that you just went ahead and carried on? "

" the last time i drank i was face down passed out there on your lawn "

" are we all just pulling you down? "

" remember telling me that you thought you were cursed? "

" love is fast asleep on a dirt road with your head on my shoulder "

" those things I miss but know are never coming back "

" if i was empty space and you were formless shape we'd fit "

" i'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them "

" i know there are worse ways to stay alive "

" why is pain so damn impatient? "

" the last that i heard you were down in new orleans "

" i worry for you. you worry for me. "

" it's fine if we know we won't change "

" i'm leaving this town "

" i know that you're fearing the end "

" i only tell truth when I'm sure that I'm lying "

" how have you been and are you bored yet? "

" time moves so damn slow "

" i stopped caring about a month ago since then it's been smooth sailing "

" i would leave if only i could find a reason "

" i got dreams but i can't make myself believe them "

" i don't want to say goodbye "

" i'm still here with you "

" for a minute the world seems so simple "

" who was i to watch you wilt? "

" i promise to be there this time "

" i'm naming the stars in the sky after you "

" i'm remembering i promised to forget you now "

" it's all the same, anyways "

" i ain't proud of all the punches that i've thrown "

" i gave your name as my emergency phone call "

" i'd die for you "

" why do you do this to yourself? "

" this place had a heartbeat in its day "

" it just ain't that simple, it never was "

" we'll drink to new year's "

" i'm not ready to let go yet "

" now the weight of the world ain't so bad "

" i saw the end, it looks just like the middle "

" who am I to complain? "

" now the pain's different. it still exists, it just escapes different. "

" don't you cancel any plans "

" all lights turned off can be turned on "

" i'll drive all night "

" don't be discouraged "

" i've been exactly where you are "

" if you could see yourself like this, you'd have never tried it "

" won't you stay with me? "

" i even gave up driving after nightfall "

" i'm ain't angry at you, love "

" i'll be waiting for you "

" we spent so long just getting by "

" i'm not a city girl "

" it still has a lot of meaning to me because i grew up there "

" it's a small community of people that really look out for each other "

" last time i was in the back of a cop car, i fell in love "

" it's all the same anyway "

[alyjojo]

Past Life 🪡 Karmic Spread January 2024 - Leo

Character Card: The Witch (past), The Pathless (present)

Gender I’m Picking Up On (in the past life): Female - both

Who You Were: 5 Swords

What You Did: 2 Wands

How It Ended: The Fool

What Karma Was Brought With You: 6 Pentacles rev

Who You Brought With You: Queen of Pentacles

Additional energy: The World

Past Life Oracle: Mother & Biblical (past), Native American & Orphan (present)

Dreaming Way: Anchor (past), Sun (present)

Charm:

Moulin Rouge 💋 on The Fool

Balloons 🎈 on Native American

Fractal Moon rev 🌙 on The Magician rev & The Devil

T.W. rape, child harm

Yours is by far the oldest of the bunch, I can’t even guess a time period. With Biblical I’m getting Middle East…ish. A land of desert, but not sand, the ground is red, but it used to be green. When you were alive, it was all green. Something specific drying up, a river? Google says that’s possibly B.C. time periods, and what little research I did shows this as speculation. Your character card shows you as Witch, I’m getting more of an herbalist, at least your part in it, I keep seeing garlic 🧄 specifically, twisting garlic in long braids, but what you did with it I’m not sure. Sold it? Maybe garlic was just really important, this is a whole different world I’m seeing. It’s possible there’s “priestess” energy here, if so I’m getting it’s your mother - and you continuing this way of believing/practice. By force. Pressure. Not by belief. In the preshuffle, The Magician rev kept falling out over and over again, and I kept hearing “I didn’t know!” like you were upset, you’d been tricked. It came out like three times, and after laying everything out, it’s at the bottom of the deck again, with The Devil. Because it’s at the bottom, it’s something that’s carried over, so this is still affecting you now. You could be easily manipulated, or a sucker for a salesperson, a strong personality, a sleazy snake charmer that sounds confident enough. Fractal Moon shows many layers to these Devil experiences of trickery, manipulation, God knows what 🙏 It can’t be easy, still. In this life, it’s reversed, you’re going to see everything you didn’t see before, in the last life and this one up until these points of clarity.

Mother is combined with Biblical, clarified by 8 & 10 Swords. I keep hearing “rape”, I’ve heard “prostitution” and “sacrifice”, and it is intertwined with these beliefs of hers, whatever they were. Essentially, you were sacrificed. I don’t get that was the intent, maybe, but you were given to some male, like a toy to play with, and there was nothing you could do to stop it, because it was your mother that made the decision, it was her will. She was the boss. You were 5 Swords, you hated this, we’re very resentful, felt you could do it better than she could and not do these hurtful things, you didn’t believe what she did…and you may still have some deep seated traumas in relation to sex & intimacy, maybe it doesn’t make sense to you why it bothers you, or others, and now you know 💯 You were traumatized, more than once, many times. I’m also seeing you as a child, maybe not to others at the time of course, but by my and the law’s standards nowadays, you were a child. If you need a break here, take a break, you can’t see me but I have to leave my table for a few minutes, get a drink, breathe, and clear this part of the energy out of my head, it’s making me ill 😞 It’s everything one would fear it would be, it’s fkd up.

————-

Ok. I haven’t even gotten to the current life yet, but I see The Pathless here, and I’m just gonna say you’re probably being too hard on yourself by current societal standards, you’re literally here to heal a deep-seated trauma, not to give a fk about what anyone else has going on to compare yourself to. Or what they think. Ok? Be kind to you. Treat yourself now like you would this child. Nurture you, love you, speak life into you. With that being said, this isn’t your only life, you’ve probably had several, and probably have several different lessons going on simultaneously, but this is the main one showing up with karma to resolve, it’s the one you’ve either taken on or have been given to clear up (Moon rev). I can see why it took so long. You were ready now 💯

In the past, your personality was this Anchor, you were practical, logical, but raised in a cult basically, you didn’t believe any of this crap, and 5 Swords shows you with a mentality of “knowing better” in a condescending way. You hated everything about this lifestyle or what your mother did, or you were jealous of her position vs yours, understandably. She’s mentioned several times, she’s why your life ended. Your dream was stability, marrying a wealthy man, maybe even starting a business for yourself, you had dreams and ambitions that didn’t involve this life at all, but you were young, impressionable, female, and submissive by force. You didn’t have a choice, you just thought/hoped you did, you were right and you knew it. Your mother gave you to people, I’m getting several, they would come and go. One in particular took things too far, too rough, you were badly hurt and died from your injuries. It was brutal.

*breathe* Again… I love these readings until I get one that makes me ill in every sense. I’m sorry 😞 No one wants this life or story, this karma or trauma. This life has also been extremely difficult for you, that’s why it’s “The Pathless” which describes someone going in circles, having trusted shitty people to lead them, they now feel lost and directionless. Is that your purpose, no I don’t think that’s anyone’s purpose. It’s just where you are after the bs you’ve survived. But, you’ve survived 🩷 6 Pentacles rev is giving more than you ever receive, trickery, manipulation, deceit, cheating, it’s all at the bottom. You’re here, Queen of Wands, and the King is at the bottom as the one doing this to you, I’m guessing you’ve probably had a shitty partner. They don’t reciprocate the love or effort you give, they could be selfish, attention seeking, and a player. Or at least they have been before, because you do show up as a match, no one is reversed, this may be mentioning some history that’s been overcome - I’m not sure. It may not be romantic either, but someone you give and give and give to, endlessly, and you feel manipulated and trapped in chains to just continue giving for whatever reason. They were in this past life, but it’s not giving me a “who”, not the worst ones. If you were hoping for a specific person not just a dream person in the past, and this is romantic now, then it’s them. If it’s platonic, then it’s more of an acquaintance that wanted you in some way.

The other person you’ve brought is a Queen of Pentacles, could be an earth sign, there is a ton of that energy here, five cards just in this area. This person is your mother from the past, but not your mother now. Having the Orphan card, if you do have parents they’re distant, and in that case this may be one by blood, and you just have nothing to do with them. They show up with 7 Swords, Queen of Pentacles rev, Queen of Cups rev and 5 Wands, this person is trouble. Manipulative af, they’re a liar, a thief, a sneak, deceptive, controlling, and there’s some fkd up relationship with money being highlighted, they use people for money? Or they try to anyway, with sob stories and guilt trips, I’ll just stop. Fractal moon shows many layers to all of this, I couldn’t even cover it all I’m sure. You don’t deserve it, but you’re going to see it, and the point is to see it

The World is your purpose, seeing the truth about the snakes around you, maybe they’ve always been around you. You can only know what you know, until you know better, and then you can do better. That’s all you can do. You’re to put an end to painful situations and relationships that don’t reciprocate, don’t see your value, don’t honor your boundaries or show you respect. There is heartbreak to heal from, family related, love related, could be work related too with 10 Pentacles. It’s a feeling of lack, feeling unworthy, like you don’t deserve things you absolutely deserve, but Spirit needs you to see things clearly. You can build what you don’t have, once you know what’s not good for you and what you want, need, demand, expect, and deserve.

Native American with 3 Cups, clarified by 6 Swords. This may be a memory or something, somewhere you’ve traveled, obsess over, a deeper interest, it’s something that’s celebrated and feels personal to you. Or maybe was as a child. I don’t get that you’re actually Native American, could be, but I’m getting like a birthday party or some kind of event, it’s a confirmation message for whoever it is, and it’s positive from what I can see. The Sun ☀️ is your own energy, it radiates light, health, clarity, helps you see through this Moon bs for your highest good, it also promotes a long life ahead of you, and good health. Clarifying this Pathless, where are you supposed to be headed, because this ain’t it. 6 Pentacles upright, hallelujah, giving to those that give to you, period 💯 People, situations, jobs, setting the standard for yourself and only accepting that which gives you what you fkn deserve, I love this for you 🩷 Leos are meant to shine, this Pathless crap is not your destiny, it’s just your…very difficult challenge. Better things are meant for you when you decide you’re done with these kinds of people and this ick, you’re free to realize you’re a bad bitch and switch tracks whenever you feel like doing so.

[gorey]

the devil dwells in deep still waters and

I'd drink dry the lake for a taste of his loving.

here is not a place of love. here I chip

the cups and scratch at bug bites.

under a blemished moon I creep unguarded

stand whisper-still at the edge of the tired

forest. is this what half a death becomes?

I saw long shadows when the sun dipped.

words slip through me like rain in the gutter.

sometimes I hear a song in the dripping of

the tap and the ruthless music of the night

entombs me, shrill crickets' lament, unseen

owl calling. I struck out trying to find a savior.

still you cast a silhouette on my heart,

enshrined in the wreck of my love still

burning. I'd hate to desecrate you. I'd hate

it if you stopped coming back. your voice

is a gallows. I learned things the hard way.

I keep the company of spiders. I was unfit

for you, the ground beneath my feet too

unsteady. parched and wretched I tried to

uproot myself like a wicked gardener. I am

nothing but my pestilent beauty. I need

a drink or two, I need clarity; I am marred by

money, scarred into submission by half-

remembered worries. I am a wound unhealed.

I am nature in its violence. the one I called

Lover spares me a word to swallow like a

starving man. perhaps I am depleted. I

rest uneasy, lay my feckless body down

where no ghost dares tread. my father lies

dead with no grave. that moment of change.

I was scattered to the wind, I sailed in terror

down the river Styx to fine an answer that

can't be put in words. Lover, you cannot be

my resting place. I wanted a forever. I sit

in my disgrace. all the dead have a home in me.

like it or not. the terror took root. my father

is dead, dreaming ugly dreams. you make

me so brittle one word could shatter me.

sweet shrapnel. scattershot memory.

I wasn't always this way. I bled through

many autumns, hid my wings in winter

when the cold encroachment of the evening

made me sick with longing for a broken

mirror. there were once more trees here,

the rooms differently colored. I was defeated

by intoxicants, rescued like a dying bird

and brought to where I learned to run.

nothing can kill me now but the memory of

your gentle touch. I was too much. I under-

stand the panicked lust of parasites. it's

better now, I think, to forget the shape of my

name on your tongue. animalistic and weird

I wedged my foot in the door, an uninvited

guest, a ghost, loving you all ugly and wrong.

unwound by death I led life listlessly, high

and erratic. will you forgive me? harsh words

over the phone. I am an echo of myself.

before the death I can't remember things.

his ear was bloody and his body still.

you built a place for every part of me.

I prayed to be cauterized. to be filled with

fire, silvertongued liar, metastasize like

ruthless cancer; I must overtake myself.

I must outpace myself, outpace the falling

stars, lie on the carpet without your warmth

beside me. death and love undo me.

[pedaleuse]

Cargobikepacking with a Dog

Although spending a lot of time on bicycles I also have a dog. It's lovely going for walks with him but I've always had to leave him with my brother when I'm away bikepacking. Obviously cycling with a dog that doesn't want to run all day isn't possible but the camping bit is fun for dogs and I always regretted not being able to have him with me. Until now!

Recently I got an Omnium MiniMax WiFi V3 cargo bike which is Omnium's middle-sized bike but still with a great cargo space. They also do a Cargo version which is longer and a Mini version which is a lot shorter with a small cargo area but because I have a boat the MiniMax works perfectly for me. I can carry a huge amount of food shopping, a large speaker...

...or indeed camping gear plus my dog!

So that's exactly what we did! I looked around for campsites reasonably near London but that also had a more rural, wild feel and found Chilterns Rural Retreat campsite which is a really lovely woodland campsite just at the edge of the Chilterns, near Marlow and not too far away from Henley on Thames really. However I knew I didn't want to be on roads that much so I planned a route which would take us off-road from Brentford to near Marlow mostly off-road using gravel paths, cycleways, and canal towpaths.

The route was on-road until we joined the River Brent at Brentford and there it followed the towpath up the river until it meets the Grand Union Canal. From there it was a climb up the Hanwell Lock Flight.

We continued to follow the Grand Union Canal out to West Drayton and then we turned left along the Slough Arm canal which took us out over the Colne Valley Regional Park which is a surprisingly large area of green so close to London!

From there we used the cycle route through Upton Court Park to continue. This is a lovely Sustrans route but the barriers on the edges of the park were really hard to navigate with a cargo bike. It really needed two of us, one to hold the bike and turn the handlebars so they could get through the barrier and the other to lift the front of the laden bike through. It would have been a struggle if I was by myself!

We then dropped down onto the cycling and walking paths along the Jubilee River, south of Slough, which was really primo gravel! It was really dry so very dusty but the paths are all smooth gravel and the views are nice along the river. Although by this point it was getting quite hot so we stopped so we could all cool down.

This route took us all the way to Maidenhead although here we had to ride about 1km with vehicles. At this point I realised how wonderful motor traffic-free routes were because it was noisy and so aggressive with drivers forcing their way past you without the ability just to pause for a second or two. It's a shame that driving rewards aggression and impatience especially because an alternative like cycling is just so different to this.

After stopping at the Co-Op garage in Maidenhead for some food and cold drinks we continued on another traffic-free path over Cookham Dean, climbing the ridge through Bisham Woods. The climb was pretty steep although not as steep as from the other side which we'd find out the next day on the return! Although descending towards Marlow it really looked more like low Alpine terrain than South England!

We headed into Marlow for a supermarket pit stop for dinner and I grabbed as much vegan stuff as I could carry back to my bike...plus a 6-pack of beers; I'd earned it from that hot ride! My dog had also done really well and I'd ensured he was well hydrated but he could do with a snooze in some woodland by this point so we pressed on.

Often a ride has a cruel sting in the tail and this was definitely one of those! Google Maps claimed the route was "mostly flat" but in fact it was quite a climb up to the campsite. By the time we got there and the combination of the heat, the weight of the bike, and the climb, I was ready to call it a day and get my tent up! We checked in and were shown to our lovely pitch and given a crate of logs for a fire!

Although at this point we were thinking more about food so we ate, had showers, then lit the fire while enjoying the rest of the beers.

As it was getting a little late my dog seemed to be wondering where he was going to sleep for the night and, as it was after his bedtime, we went to bed for an early night, only disturbed by a snuffling during the night...

The next morning we realised that the snuffling must have been one of the local badgers. We realise this because my friend's grapes had been opened and eaten and the culprit had left behind some white and black hairs...

We had some breakfast of porridge with apple and blackcurrant and some Aeropress coffee and got packed up again, ready to head back the way we came back to London.

It was a really lovely 24 hour adventure and so great to be able to share it with my dog who was absolutely amazing all of the way. When we got back home we both got out of the heat and went for a lovely long nap though. Tough work this cargobikepacking!