#❘❙❚ ┊ metas ➳ ❛ the gap between understanding & misunderstanding can best be bridged by thought ❜

[mystiika]

re; jamie’s shifting preferences, maintaining form, & learning control

generally speaking jamie is quite happy with himself as he is ! which is significant because if he didn't like himself while being a shapeshifter it could get him SERIOUS body dysmorphia issues. so he likes to do things as if they're accessories. in general he cares more about his general vibe so he's more likely to change smaller things. like give himself freckles on a given day or change his hair colour/texture instead of messing with larger parts of his body like gender presentation or looking like a new person entirely.

usually when he looks like a totally different person its because he feels like being anonymous or bc he wants to pull a ( harmless ) prank on someone. especially in his mainverse where he’s a relatively popular twitch streamer/tik toker which means he’s occasionally recognised in public. the only other major change that happens with any regularity is if he is feeling esp fem/like a girl. but even then its more just like a slightly altered version of himself with more feminine features bc he really does like how he looks ! ( reminder that jamie, while generally he prefers to present masc & defaults to he/him pronouns, is still genderfluid & thus his gender presentation is not a constant ).

as a side note i feel like even if he'd been afab he'd probably still have the same general vibe? maybe present masc slightly more than he'd normally present fem in his current canon but still just feels most comfortable in his natural form so to speak because it requires no effort & feels more comfortable mentally.

keeping a form ( partial or full ) is something he has to consciously decide to do, so it can be super draining to think about being a certain way all the time. the hair or freckle or eye colour change type things is something he's so used to that it doesn't require the same amount of effort. similarly with hiding zits as desired, its all more so something just in the back of his mind that he’s not actively thinking about but is still there. understandably, larger changes require more focus. the longer he keeps an altered form the more physically tired he can get as well. he's not going to suddenly start changing back without his intent to do so though since the odds of him letting it get to that point are so incredibly miniscule. he does tend to eat a lot too bc shapeshifting in general uses a lot of energy which can make it difficult for him to gain weight be it fat or muscle. this especially was a big struggle for him when he started boxing & had to put on more muscle in order to fight well enough.

jamie's adhd is actually a huge part why he's so good at being able to keep shifting in mind while doing things. that being said if he REALLY needs to focus on things like when he's doing school work, he'd 100% just go back to his base form to make it as easy as possible & just take his meds

for a bit of context, jamie’s mother comes from an extremely old & very powerful coven in korea. & hannah, like her mother, became a witch who started displaying powers around kindergarten age & then later in middle school she developed her abilities as a medium. meanwhile jamie become a shapeshifter was such a rare phenomenon that no one really could have expected things to turn out the way they had

there was only one example of a shapeshifter in their ancestry & it was so long ago that there wasn't really anyone left alive to talk about it & the records their coven kept were pretty minimal, most likely having been lost over the centuries

so while hannah had lessons to learn control over her magic, jamie had to have his own lessons about how being a shapeshifter was rare & important & he had to be careful not to overdo it or use it to harm people etc. but realistically it was more like basic etiquette on how to be a good person & then supervising him while he learned to control it himself. but that part was unfortunately something he more had to figure out on his own.

how he shifts is sort of strange too ! so how he started initially he learned how to shift isolated parts of his body ( such as suddenly giving himself long hair or giving himself lil claws on his hands ). which gave him significant control in his technique — although it took a while to master keeping said form.

then when it came to mimicking other people or animals it was far more difficult. normally shapeshifters have either a set thing they change back & forth from ( ie. human to animal to human again as a one time switch one way or another where they stay like that until making a decision to switch back ), OR they are able to copy something or someone they’ve seen.

if jamie had learned to do this first its possible he’d be able to do it far easier than he does now, but because he learned isolation first he finds it easiest to copy a form if he understands the basic anatomy. ie. he understands the make up of people because he understands his own body so well, but if he tried to turn into a bird without remembering that a bird's main limb bones are hollow, it might pose an issue if he tries to fly. as he gets older he slowly learns this form of shifting as well, being able to copy something he’s seen without understanding how their body words, but its sort of slow since there’s only so many species of animal he’d even want to TRY turning into.

frankly he’d be able to do a lot more if he put in the time, but he’s not in a position where he needs to use his abilities to fight like he’s some sort of super hero & he’s able to do all the things he currently cares about doing so he can’t be bothered to learn to do more.

there are other ability related things he has not learned either how to control/make use of them, but that’s a post for another day. for a very basic breakdown of his other powers its listed in his dossier over here or there’s a post over here with a bit more detail.

[mystiika]

re; the woman who named Death ' ada ' & why Death chooses to take her form when a form is needed

trigger warning: severe loss of quality of life leading up to major character death other notes: i will capitalise ' Death ' below to help differentiate between the state & ada as a being & a quick reminder that the fc of said woman ( & Death in threads, is a young julie andrews + explanation in another separate post once i make some actual icons & have more than bullet point notes of the topic )

after the thousands of years that had passed, Death no longer remembers her name, nor her voice. Death cannot recall where on this planet she had lived, nor the name of the language she spoke. but Death can never forget the look in her eyes as she took in such a simply beauty as that of a plain & common flower. Death cannot forget how gently she would hold an animal in need of her help from anything to removing a thorn to helping heal a broken wing. Death cannot forget that she'd spoken so tenderly or sung sweetly to any living thing around her. most of all, Death cannot forget the sheer feeling of love & peace that was felt in this woman's presence, & the name she gives Death. & while Death typically interacted with other beings with a wall of distance of sorts in order to avoid interfering too much whenever Death's incorporeal heart wished she would follow through on those thoughts. 

at first, Death took the form of a bird — able to watch on from leafy trees as this strange human went about her day, almost as if keeping track as this woman interfered where Death could not. sure, Death had some control over death, but if she saved every life she could, the world would fall apart. so it brought on such joy to see when one animal took care care of another ( whether it was a human offering water to a tired deer or a humpback whale saving a seal from an orca ) sure, the animal saved will still die another day, but the simple act of saving a life was something beautiful on its own.

as a whole, Death found humans to be quite sympathetic to creatures they identified with ( although often so to inanimate objects, despite the lack of life & for reasons Death had yet to fully understand ). & so Death had seen humans saving others selflessly as much as other animals, but none quite so often — nor as well — as this girl, this woman.

the next time Death came closer to her it was once she reached adulthood & in the form of a common rodent of the time, attempting to lead her to a similar animal caught in a trap set by nature, to see what exactly she would do. & without a second thought, she followed what had ( to her credit ) appeared to be a rather distressed creature. to see if she followed until she saw the injured one & attempted to do what she could. of course, Death knew this creature would die, but it wasn't done in an effort to pain the woman ( althought Death was sure it would ). rather it was to see how she would still attempt to save an animal from a clearly fatal injury, & how she might grieve when she sees she cannot.

& eventually, Death comes to her as a child — appearing no older than 9 or 10. at this point, Death can give no name to offer in introduction for having never been given one & having no reason to have a name for itself until now, nor can Death say where it had come from because how was Death suposed to explain it was as old as time. but, Death knew the language, & so they talked. about nothing, or everything, & most interestingly so, the woman talked about herself. her life, her story, what she does & how she chooses to live. & when after a few days of the human knowing Death had no name & so had asked if Death would like a name. after a few moments of consideration, Death said that it would, & that it would like if she could choose the name herself. & so came the name of ada.

ada was sure the woman knew they weren't human. but it didn't seem to make any difference to her. however, eventually, the woman fell ill shortly after she entered her 30s. it started out as a cold, which then worsened until it developed into pneumonia. a little while later, she was stuck in bed, her breathing worsening until each inhale & outhale came with a shallow wheeze. ada would sit by her bed for hours a day, talking to her anything she wanted to & filling every possible moment so she didn't have to talk only to stop & catch her breath every few words.

during this time, the woman thought about death more & more — something most humans did when having some warning about their future. & ada could hear these thoughts, as they did for any creature capable of such a thing, but ada did their best to block it out. she wasn't in much pain, a fact ada contributed to in some small part. but it was soon to be her time to die & they both knew it.

in most deaths ( a distintion also needing a separate post ), there is a window in which ada could wholly influence the outcome without the world falling into complete chaos, & in most cases it was following something of a prayer or sometimes an unspoken wish. but, if ada communicated to a creature the option, it was possible to trigger a window to appear. most often ada did this when suicide was the would-be cause of death. she might sit & talk with the creature ( mostly humans in recent centuries ), & stopping time in order to do so & opperate within a single second when time continued normally after. or in cases such as with with this one, with this woman, offering the chance to pass peacefully after a long or even short fought battle. ada cannot see the future of what would become of a person if they lived, but ada can see when or what their death will be if they did. it was also in these moments that ada made their identity known, to a degree at least. most often in the form of a wordless feeling & complete understanding in their chest of why ada was there.

so one day, ada asked her what she wanted, if she wanted to die. it took a few moments but she reached a hand forward, taking ada's hand in her own. she gave her a smile, getting out a quiet ❝ oh, my sweet ada... ❞ Death did not often cry physical tears. having spent so long without a physical form, & most of which having no tear ducts, the pain of their heart seldom reached a face. but in this moment, ada gave a large, reassuring smile as tears began to fall. they move to stand. leaning forward ada presses a gentle kiss to the woman's cheek, & so took her soul as lips receded. it was as peaceful & painless as a death could be, ada grateful they could at least do that much.

ada only gets so far as dropping back onto the wooden stool before a wail leaves their lips in a way they hadn't thought possible. frozen in time so there was nothing & no one calling them to their purpose, Death grieves. for wnile freezing time was something they were able, the moving forward or backward in time was one of the few if not the only things Death cannot do — or perhaps, more accurately, it's something even they knew better than to mess with.

it takes an immortal lifetime before ada unstops time, a lifetime sitting at the foot of a grave made for her in the way ada had seen humans make for each other time & time again, telling the freshly dug dirt how wide & beautiful reality was beyond what she'd have been able to comprehend. talking of the day that woman had been born, the aura of her even as an infant was enough to see Death take pause, how Death had watched her grow up as all life around her grew tenfold by her presence. but, when time finally resumes, everything in existance calls out to Death all at once. though to Death that reality was what had always been, had it been anything else god or mortal, it would have been so overwhelmingly & deafeningly loud they'd have gone mad in seconds.

but, despite the pain Death felt at the lost of their only true friend, in a way things still felt a little less lonely than the millenia before, for now they had found a new way to love, &, more than that, Death had been given a name to carry for the rest of time — a sign that there was at least one person who had truly loved them.

& so it was at this point that Death helped the woman live another day in spirit, past the dispersing energy of her soul, & with the understanding that she would have been honoured to see herself & her love staying behind with a being she adored as much as she did ada. & from then on, unless another form was better suited in the moment, ada chose to share that tender touch & warm smile they had loved so much with the infinite creatures as they grow & live their final day.

[mystiika]

misc tag drop

[mystiika]

re; warren's parents' powers

father — barron battle aka atomaster

kinetic absorption is ability to absorb forms of kinetic energy into oneself & utilise it in some way, such as by converting it into physical strength or using it to power energy blasts ( warren took after him in this way as fire manipulation ultimately is also a kinetic energy based power ).

this power of course meant that he was hard to beat in a fight. people could defend against him okay but the only one who really stood a chance was steve stronghold. that super strength gave him an edge that barron found hard to beat. while steve would hate to admit it, he didn't have an overwhelming number of victories despite what the ego would imply. barron on the other hand was a lot smarter, learning how to fight against him & win was an enjoyable challenge.

the fight that turned the tide & sent barron to jail was the day josie had tagged along, & frankly barron stood no chance against the duo. info post about this day/fight/warren's feelings on it all will come eventually but it's pretty emotionally charged so i'm not sure quite when that meta will come out.

so as mentioned above, barron can enhance his physical strength but his defense is quite strong. anything kinetic or elemental is counterproductive in a fight because barron absorbs the energy from it & only gets stronger ( which is part of why steve was a good nemesis, there was no way for barron to absorb his power ). a favourite of his was to overwhelm parts of the electric grid to cause power outages as cover for a given crime, or simply draw electricity out of the building he & any adversaries are in. he'll be just as blind as they are but if blindness is the offset for some other advantage then why would he not take it?

he can only store power in his body for a limited time, eventually it all has to be released. it won't kill him or hurt him, its just unpleasant after long enough & depending on how much he's holding onto it sorta makes him feel like his entire body is filled with light tv static. 

i will also mention that there's really only one other peer he could never beat in a fight & he ended up marring her so what she does will be written below <3

mother — winifred peace aka mistress shield

winnie's power is force field generation. it suits her firm drive & desire to protect those around her ( it also proved useful during warren's early years of power using considering fire is a difficult element to master & being able to protect things from accidental fireballs saved her a lot of money on interior design ).

she's also FAR stronger than people give her credit for. she wasn't a villain so no one felt the need to go up against her full force either. she is similar to layla in the way that winnie doesn't believe on showing off to others & prefers using it only when needed. realistically she could go up against almost anyone. her force fields have so many uses in general & she know how to pick each form perfectly. she can create them in single walls or in any shape container. her barriers can be completely impenetrable or she can allow some things to pass through but not others ( if its matter she can block it ). she can also use them to create temporary structures like if she suddenly needs a step stool or to create a slide when a small, young warren climbed a tree that was a little too difficult to get down from the same way.

using these force fields she can create objects as well, though they aren't permanent so it only remains as long as she's actively holding it. she's used these levitating force field containers to move furniture even. granted the heavier the object she tries to move the more difficult it is & she does still have limitations but it comes well in handy during emergencies.

she also has limits on the number of individual fields she can summon as well as a limit on how large she can make one. typically these shields are invisible to the naked eye & can sometimes show a slight shimmer in the light but you'd have to be looking to really spot it or she can make it more opaque the thicker she makes the walls but it's not easy to reach absolute coverage, at most it can create some shade but shade isn't exactly required to do all the other things she does so it doesn't bother her to have it as a limitation.

[mystiika]

mini tag drop of some specific tags i've been having trouble with since coming back just to see if this helps

[mystiika]

re; jamie's early training + containment

so i've been thinking a lot about jamie's powers. like how they first manifested, how his family handled it, what training looked like as a child in order to help him use it safely & skilfully. as well as get a bit into the potential he has in the way of future progressions of current abilities or pick up entirely new ones, unlike my previous meta that just talked about his current powers & what level they're at.

& i'll have to write up another post for all of those but for the moment i want to do a bit of an informal meta about how they kept his powers under wraps until he was able to control it & keep his abilities hidden for both his own safety & those around him.

at first, he couldn't really control his shifting at all. his body would change at random which made things very hard to explain so, given how his mother was part of this very old & powerful coven, she took jamie back to korea between the ages of 1 & 2. she needed to learn everything she could about what her child was if not a witch, & more than that she needed to figure out how to handle it until he could make the conscious decision whether or not to morph any part of his being. unfortunately there wasn't much information. there were records of a shifter in their family tree but it was centuries ago & the further you go back, the more deteriorated the tracking despite the spells on them to increase the longevity of the scrolls.

the next part was far more dangerous. they needed to find a way to charm him or lock his powers somehow. lia didn't want to have to lock him up away from the world, already he showed such interest in everything around him it would break her heart to treat him like a prisoner even if it was supposed to be for his own good.

it took many of the coven, the cleverest & most powerful of the bunch, months of their time & power to do what they could to help both her & jamie. eventually they'd figured out a way. they forged a bracelet, of centuries old silver imbued with power over all that time — power enough to serve as a lock on his own once it had the appropriate markings & spells in place.

they presented her with only 2 rules on its use. 

the 1st should only be place on jamie if he was in his natural state. there was little they knew for certain about jamie's abilities, but one of them is that the energy required to shift any part of him, no matter how small, will draw from him like a steady fall of water. if he's unable to restore energy & continues to drain himself, eventually it will take from his very life source & kill him once it runs out.

it is worth noting that as he ages & his power grows, the easier it is to keep up his shifts for extended periods of time. he could keep something up for weeks & all it would take is an extra serving of food at dinner. but as a baby & young child it was unwise to risk something like that. jamie himself can feel his level of energy, be it standard or his life force. if it feels dangerous he'll remove it immediately.

the second rule is that she was able to divulge his identity to those she trusted but she was never to tell anyone about the bracelet. it stayed within only the closest ring of their family & no further. 

once he was older & no longer fit into the bracelet, on a trip back to korea the coven was able to melt down & reforge the bracelet into 2 separate pieces, the first was a ring for when he was an adult, the second was a small pendant & chain more suited to a young child than something so easily lost as a ring. both these new pieces took his increased power into account with the intention of allowing them to be used through most of his life. unbeknownst to them his power doesn't cap the way the rest of their coven's do but that's a story for another day.

[mystiika]

re; isaac's survival guilt

this post is not for the faint of heart so proceed at your own risk. in this i cover his mother ( amelia ), his brother ( camden ), his father ( simon ), erica, boyd, ending with allison. then at the end i go into how isaac managed confront the feeling at all & manage it the best he can

as time passed, his comfort asking his father about his mother dwindled, & cam was finding it increasingly difficult to remember things to tell isaac about their mother. isaac had been given the box mentioned in amelia's info post over here. along with a bunch of loose photos cam had collected for him — mostly of their mother & a good few of her while pregnant with isaac. at first he liked it a lot, he got to hear stories about this woman who'd loved him so much & how amazing she was. but then he started to really understand it all.

he started to notice this loss when he compared himself to his peers. where so many people had a mother's arms to run to, he was shown the outstretched hand of his big brother. where others would excitedly make mother's day cards, isaac was reminded that on top of no mother, he had no grandmother or aunts to substitute with. at first he'd made "mother's day" cards for his father, then for cam, then eventually he'd write a short note of things he wanted her to know about him & how he was doing. then once he was old enough not to be forced into it, he stopped it all together.

& as he got a litte bit older, he was slowly given more & more reminders that he was the reason she'd died. he didn't want to die, he never did. but when there's an onslaut of threats & gaslighting, h'd started to regret being born the slightest bit. if he hadn't, then his dad would be happier, cam would have his mom still, & he didn't didn't have to walk on eggshells for fear of encurring his father's wrath.

he never felt mad at her though, not really. &, from everything he's heard about her, he knows it's not an outcome she would have ever chosen & can't fault her for not knowing the future. but hewas angry about a lot of things, the number of which only increased as he got older, but never at her. instead he felt so unimaginably bad, overwhlemingly guilty just for waking up in the morning. & once he got a little older still, he started to question whether it really was his doing. cam had been saying it all along but isaac found it hard to believe for a long time. then when he felt doubts, that's when he started to get angry at his father.

& despite figuring out the truth of it all, he still had to actively stop himself from blaming himself for what happened, that none of it was his fault & that he didn't really deserve what was happening to him. once cam left home, it was hard for this voice of reason not to be overshadowed by the ever increasing reminders of just how much he was to blame.

then came the news that cam had gone missing in action & was declared dead. isaac wanted to grieve, but couldn't find it in himself, it hadn't really sunk in. he felt a little numb afterwards if he was totally honest, like he was going through all the motions but he couldn't cry. cam had been his protector, his best friend & confidante, his favourite person in the entire world, & a better role model than isaac could have asked for. cam was the only reason isaac felt loved growing up, & truth be told, he was afraid that he'd used up all the love the universe had granted him. he felt undeserving of any more than that. he was such a fuck up, maybe cam only loved him because they were brothers — after all, that was part of his fathers doctrine.

& with no one else to blame except maybe himself, simon put the fault on isaac once again. if he wasn't such a terrible son, a terrible brother, maybe cam wouldn't have run off to join the military. isaac was the reason he'd been driven from their home just as it was isaac's life that had taken amelia's. the way simon berated him, kicked it was as if isaac had killed them with his own two hands.

&so the guilt just for being alive grew larger. even if he knew nothing had been his doing, his father's voice & insistance was so loud, echoing in his mind for hours, at times even days. & when chained up in that tiny freezer in their basement, those words were the only things he could hear over his screaming & scratching & pleading to anything listening just to let him out. sometimes he passed out having exhausted himself, other times he wasn't so lucky. it was like a never ending panic attack. then once let out & back in his room, he sobbed nearly every time despite all his best efforts & then he felt so weak, so angry at his father but himself too for being able to do nothing else. he wasn't even sure exactly why he cried. not when there were so many posible reasons he'd never really been able to figure out why. it felt like it was from the exhaustion but being as young as he was, he couldn't understand why that might have been.

then when his father was murdered, he felt such intense relief knowing all those . & he felt so guilty over that feeling. deserving such a brutal death or not, he'd left that house to chase isaac down. later once isaac found out why his father was killed, he felt a little less guilty whether his father died that night or some random night after. it would have happened eventually regardless. but once simon was dead & buried, isaac had to sit with that fact that he was alone. sure he had derek & the others, but they didn't feel like they were his people. he was with them because they had use for each other, that was all. ( monkeys together strong lol )

unfortunately, his family were just the first deaths of people he felt guilty just for outliving them. after all, why him? why was he mistreated from the time he could walk, only to be thrust into the world as a teen ( as a child ) that had nothing? there were lawyers, social workers, teachers, good officers like the sheriff, but that wasn't enough. they helped him as far as what was related to simon's death, but soon enough came the day when his phone didn't ring again. once their jobs were done, what good was talking to a 16 year old just to ask if he needed anything, if he was even okay. 

he was old enough that they couldn't force him into the system but he also had no interest in keeping the house, paying bills with what money? anything his father had was locked away until isaac turned 18. but all his savings were from working at a graveyard & being forklift & backhoe certified didn't do much good for him. 

so he went to derek. the man was isaac's alpha, & if isaac couldn't go to him, what hope would he have for anyone else? all his life he'd lived for someone else, he didn't know how to be his own person & so derek became the newest star for isaac to orbit. they were a pack, he was meant to be able to rely on the alpha, meant to be cared for ( as gruff as the older man was ).

then for a time it was just isaac, erica, boyd, & derek. he didn't care for derek much, he felt grateful he was given an out from his old life, given a means to protect himself as well as others. but he also knew derek was just using him. if it wasn't isaac, it would have been someone else. derek needed a pack, he needed the strength that came with it.

erica was the first person he really grew close to after this new chapter in his life began. scott & his pack all felt more like begrudging allies, rivals even. & derek was, well, derek. erica on the other hand was kind, she was sweet, he had such comradery with her. he finally felt like he was having fun, realising the first time she makes him laugh when he can't remember the last time he had. then boyd joined them. he & isaac never really grew close. they were in the same pack but that was about where their relationship ended. especially since boyd rather wanted to monopolise erica it didn't exactly aid their non existant friendship ( isaac had a crush on her too, though he was so late to realise his feelings he'd lost her before he had the chance to do anything ).

then the two asked him leave with them or to stay in beacon hills & isaac made a decision that still haunts him from time to time. they were supposed to make it to a nearby pack they'd heard about, but it was clear something happened to them & isaac spent the next 4 months non stop searching for his packmates. he found them too, but was attacked & unable to do anything besides retreat on the verse of passing out saved only by braeden, & to come back for them with help. but when he finally did, he was too late & erica was gone. he'd left her there alive. he should have helped her leave on her own two feet instead of carrying her lifeless body past the abandoned bank's threshold. but he couldn't save her, he was too weak. he couldn't protect her & it ate away at him bit by bit just had all the others. he couldn't help but blame himself, thinking that maybe if he'd just gone with them both that night he might have been able to prevent her death. he knew that he was just as inexperienced as them & in all likelihood would have just died with them. but guilt doesn't always follow facts. besides, he already had a tally of 3 graves on his back, what was one more?

afterwards, he managed to lessen the gap between himself & boyd just slightly, both driven by a mutual desire to get revenge on the alphas for killing erica ( along with all the other atrocities that they had committed throughout the years since their formation ). but only just in time to see boyd too become another casualty isaac was left behind to grieve. after their deaths & his ever dwindling faith in derek, he found himself moving towards scott as his new alpha before he knew it. he just wanted to get away from all the loss & grief that seemed to haunt him.

what he didn't expect was to add more names to the list of those he was afraid to lose.

what he didn't expect was to fall in love with allison ( about as in love as he'd had time to do anyway ).

what he didn't expect was to watch her die, twice. once even by his own hand.

her first death was awkward for them both. he'd been selected as both her reaper & guardian. he was forced to hold her underwater, to feel her fighting back against his hands firmly planted on her shoulders & the fear he felt when her fighting stopped. then came the waiting. 16 hours of waiting for her to come back to them, tired but all too wired from anxiety about what would happen if she never woke up at all. he ran it through his head over & over. maybe the worst part of it was the idea of having to live remembering that terrible feeling when he closed his eyes or remembering the sound of her breath escaping her lips beneath the water whenever he heard bubbles, or maybe it was the idea of him having to tell allison's father chris what it was that he had done. 

the second time was a little different. his budding feelings for her clouded his mind with thoughts of envy & jealousy in equal parts at scott being the one to hold her in the end, to hear a final confession of love for her ex as if their time together had meant nothing, that he meant nothing. but all that aside, once again he was left angry at himself, thinking that maybe if he'd done more, been stronger, been faster, been smarter, then he might have been able to stop it. & its also the first time in a long time he wishes it had been him instead. he had the least to live for, the least people to grieve his death, why did everyone else have to die & leave him behind? his heart shattered too frequently, only just shoddily glued back together in time for it to break again & pick up as many pieces as he can.

he didn't know what to do with himself after that, the bulk of the shock wore off faster for himself than the others from the sight of her dying right in front of them. instead he went sooner into the pain from the loss. then chris came to each of them, making sure everyone had their stories straight. isaac seemed quickest on the upkeep, left wondering if all his practice outliving so many made it easier to focus when it came down to it. but that had been the immediate. he remembers afterwards a bit more. sitting in a row, lydia, scott, & himself in dead silence among the ever noisy police station, waiting to be called in to give their statements. it wasn't hard to pretend to be in shock, he knew what that felt like & how it looked. but he also knew his lines — he was sorry, it all happened so fast, one minute things were fine, the next they were attacked & allison fell to the ground. that he couldn't remember anything else. 

then when he didn't have to worry about remembering his lines perfectly, he starts to sit in his thoughts, his tears pricking his eyes, heart aching, stomach sick. he couldn't help but sink into the pain of it all, the regret, the hurt, the fear, the guilt.

he was grateful chris took him home, crying into his shoulder as his arms gripped isaac tight. his life with chris from then on didn't alleviate any of the depression or blame he'd put on himself, but he felt a little less alone. melissa too had been good to him, taking him in after derek kicked him out & isaac was beyond grateful for that, but at some point  after all the time, the days & nights he'd spent at the argent household, he'd started to view chris almost like a father figure — a sentiment that only grew when chris became his guardian, moving to paris together where isaac was able to get a fresh start away from his painful past. 

he's not totally fine in modern day either though. occasionally still feeling the effects of all the trauma & the seemingly never ending guilt that everyone in his life died, abandoning him behind in the land of the living to question over & over again — why him? why not him? but during isaac's final year of high school he got himself into therapy. it helped him process so much from his youth & he learned helpful coping mechanisms for once instead of running or working out to the point of exhaustion, until the point of passing out. & blasting music in his ear all the while in an attempt to drown out any thoughts swirling around in his head, sometimes successfully, sometimes not.

eventually the nightmares dwindled, lessening his insomnia & even now the nights he lies awake stewing in his negative thoughts were fewer. he felt a little less angry at the world too, for the hand he'd been dealt when he'd never even asked for a seat at the table. but he was alive, & knew he needed to make the most of his time, to finally act like a stupid teen instead of a "perfect" child who was forced to grow up too fast.

but for better or worse, he was alive. & originally he had no idea of what he wanted to do after graduation. he never really had the time to consider it, nor did he want to create this dream for himself when he was constantly fighting a balance between life & death. 

reasons for his choice to become a paramedic is a whole other meta BUT, i'm mentioning it as being able to save lives & prevent people from experiencing the same loss he had, made isaac feel a little better. no matter how many people he saves, it will never completely undo the fact he'd been unable to protect those he'd cared about in the past, nor the painful feeling of surviving them all. but with every successful call, it was like he finally found a purpose. if he'd died, he'd never have been able to do what he does & make the difference he had.

[mystiika]

re; toge inumaki’s safe words

   i know inumaki is only a trial muse but i kind of had to complite this info anyway & figured i may as well just post it. so ! gege akutami explains in volume 0 jjk that two words are key to understanding anything inumaki says. i may be missing things but for now this is what i’m sticking with after poking around to see what people were saying, & i will reference a specific fan translation for his other safe words that i’m going to use until we are giving official translations

also note: an expletive is a word or phrase inserted into a sentence that is not needed to express the basic meaning of the sentence. it is regarded as semantically null or a placeholder. hence why inumaki can say them without activating cursed speech

salmon ( ie. wild salmon, etc )

anything with the word salmon attached is positive, in agreement to what was mentioned or offered

flakes ( ie bonito flakes, fish flakes, etc )

anything with the word flakes attached is negative, in disagreement or is dismissive of something mentioned or offered

kelp ( or kelp kelp )

meant as a greeting

things like “hi” “how’s it going?” "how are you?”

( pickled ) mustard leaf

meant to show concern or worry

things like “i’m not sure” or “are you okay?”, or “i’m okay” in response to someone else

tuna ( ie tuna mayo, tuna tuna etc )

generally meant to get someone’s attention to a specific object or place

tuna means “focus”

tuna tuna means “look”

tuna mayo means “talk”

( salted ) salmon roe ( said 2 ways )

sujiko is meant to grab someone’s attention, similar to tuna, but this time is used to point at himself or in his direction

ikura/igura is meant to be expletive but is viewed more like a sigh or an “aaah” type acknowledgement

mentaiko ( a type of pollock roe i think )

also an expletive but is used more like “damn” or “shit”, unlike ikura

more words will likely be added or translations altered as time goes on.

[mystiika]

re; mythos children of hades

   part of the reason hades is known to have so few children is that he’s often regarded as an infertile god, as a god of the dead should, by his very nature, be incapable of fathering children. obviously i don’t deem that the case in my personal portrayal but yeah ! that’s likely why this list is as short as it is. a large majority of the info i’m also getting from the orphic hymns.

   tl;dr —  melinoë & macaria are hades’ children while the erinyes, zagreus, & plutus are not.

m e l i n o ë

   melinoë is a chthonic nymph or goddess who appears exclusively within the orphic hymns. she presides over propitiations offered to the ghosts of the dead. she’s said to roam the earth at night, accompanied by a procession of ghosts, terrorizing mortals in various ways & could drive them insane if she so chose. melinoë seems to be related to the moon, & was not someone whose attention you would want to draw. it’s also said that the only reason for her to be mentioned is to placate her, by showing that her nature is known & recognized, thus averting the harm she is capable of causing.

   melinoë was conceived when zeus disguised himself as hades, & slept with persephone on the shore of the cocytos, one of the five rivers that run through the realm of the dead. other tellings say that she is persephone’s daughter by both hades & zeus, who are aspects of each other in orphic lore. as a result she’s depicted as having limbs that are partly black & partly white, a manifestation of her dual chthonic & heavenly nature.

"melinoe, saffron-veiled, terrene, who from phersephone dread venerable queen, mixt with zeus kronion, arose, near where kokytos' mournful river flows; when, under plouton's semblance, zeus divine deceived with guileful arts dark phersephone. hence, partly black thy limbs & partly white, from plouton dark, from zeus ethereal bright. thy coloured members, men by night inspire when seen in spectred forms, with terrors dire; now darkly visible, involved in night, perspicuous now they meet the fearful sight. khthonion queen, expel wherever found the soul's mad fears to earth's remotest bound; with holy aspect on our incense shine, & bless thy mystics, & the rites divine " —  orphic hymn 71 to melinoë ( trans. taylor )

   in short, hades is not her father by blood but for all intents & purposes, she is still his daughter & he treats her as such.

m a c a r i a

   while macaria more well-known than melinoë ( among the public rather than scholars ), she’s actually really only mentioned in the suda, a byzantine encyclopedia that was compiled sometime in the 900s c.e. in this, it states she is a daughter of hades while her mother is unnamed. as a result i choose to assume that the mother is persephone, making her persephone & hades only child born of them & only them.

   macaria is the physical embodiment of a peaceful, blessed death & thus known as the goddess of the “blessed death”, rather than a violent one, & she would escort the soul in question to elysium, rather than hades or anyone else. even today, the word makaritis ( blessed one ) is used in greece to describe someone that has passed away.

"makaria ( blessed ) death. a daughter of haides. & a proverb : ‘go to blessedness’, instead of go to misery & utter destruction. or ‘go to blessedness’ is said by euphemism. since even the dead are called ‘blessed ones.’" —  suidas s.v. makariai ( trans. suda on line ); byzantine greek lexicon 10th century c.e

   she also shared her name with a daughter of heracles, who offered her life in sacrifice to persephone. as a result, they’re often discussed together.

t h e   e r i n y e s

   the erinyes ( also known as the furies ) are the three goddesses of earthly wrath. they preside over vengeance & retribution who punished men for crimes against the natural order. they were particularly concerned with homicide, unfilial conduct, offenses against the gods, & perjury. while they were sometimes represented as daughters of hades ( such as in orphic hymns 29 & 70 or statius, thebaid 12.557 & 11.47 ), it wasn’t the most common concept. in one source they’re also listed as poena’s children. the usual account, however, describes them as earth-born, being the child of gaia by the blood of ouranos. the next most popular option is as children of nyx. either way, hades is not generally the go-to. personally? without a doubt i think poena makes the most sense as a mother but that’s just me. i mean she’s the personification of retribution, vengeance, recompense, punishment & penalty for the crime of murder & manslaughter.

z a e g r u s

   there’s really only two different origins about who zagreus is. most commonly, persephone’s child & fathered by zeus ( who seduced persephone as a dragon ) rather than hades. there was one origin from an aeschylus fragment ( with no context ) that says the father was hades but in every other depiction, the father was zeus. following this putative understanding of zeus fathering him, as in orphic tradition, zaegrus’ birth & subsequent death both pre-date persephone’s marriage with hades. the only other time that we know of where zagreus is referred to as being hades’ son is in supergiant’s hades which tends to confuse people but for all intents & purposes, congratulations hades because you are not the father.

   as for zagreus himself, he’s a deity who is mainly only mentioned in the orphic hymns. he was generally believed to be the original incarnation of the olympian god dionysos. in this original incarnation, whether out of jealousy, anger, or both, hera had the titans attack him & rip him to pieces as an infant. the story of his conception, his death & rebirth is most notably recounted in the dionysiaca ( a set of 48 books compiled by one nonnos in the early 500s c.e ).

p l u t u s

   there are some depictions that say plutus is hades’ child due to his name but in actuality he is the child of demeter & iason. this would make him persephone’s brother rather than her son. & just as hades/pluton is the god of the wealth of the earth, plutus is a god of wealth in his own right, coming from the same root as “pluto”. officially he’s the god of wealth & agricultural bounty though the wealth aspect was added much later & originally was simply god of agricultural bounty.

[mystiika]

re; religion in alagaësia

   since it’s a bit of a weird grey area for eragon i figured i’d go into it a bit

   so growing up there was no discernable religion in carvahall. there were mild superstitions that kind of indicated a religion in the distant past but there wasn’t really much detail for it. it’s possible it may have had some influence from the arcaena but considering that it’s listed as something different i’m assuming that they’re two separate religions. but as for arcaena, it was a human religious sect that believed in the sanctity of knowledge & that it was imperative to record & preserve any form of knowledge in preparation of an unspecified cataclysm that would destroy all the civilizations of alagaësia . though the empire has no state religion, galbatorix declared the arcaena religion heretical & had its followers burned at the stake. despite this, the arcaena survived the events of the cycle & currently have a monastery located in the spine. the spine is a huge mountain range but since carvahall is located along the edge near the top, its possible that some remnants of the arcaena’s lesser traditions may have trickled down towards the village during the century of galbatorix’s rule

   next when he joined dûrgrimst ingeitum, he was given a brief schooling at celbedeil on the dwarven religion as it was supposed to then be his religion as well, or at the very least serve as background for the traditions he was now meant to uphold. at the time he seemed to really enjoy learning about it & appeared to want to believe in it to some degree as well. while it doesn’t have an exact name, it was centred around a pantheon of deities but the most important aspect of it all was their belief of life after death. they believed that dwarves were brought to life from rock & therefore must be returned to rock after their death. they also believed that rocks were living organisms but that’s a whole other thing. i might make a separate post going into further detail? but this seems good enough at least for the purpose of this post

   then the last religion of impact was actually the elves’ lack there of. he saw part of the belief when arya began arguing with the priest showing him around celbedeil. but he inquired further from oromis during his time in ellesméra. the elves were best described as strongly agnostic in nature, bordering on atheist. they personally believed that there was never any deity, although they were not so arrogant as to say they knew for a fact there wasn't & weren't completely opposed to the thought. they preferred to stick with hard facts of the world, things they could hold & observe. their views appeared to have been influenced & jaded by the condition of the world ( ie. oromis stated that if there was a deity, then that deity was not a good steward of the earth by reason of war or the tyrannical rule of galbatorix ). his time with the elves was far greater than his time with the dwarves & was already similar enough to his lack of religious upbringing. his mindset really began to align with the elves, largely through oromis’ teaching. but because of that i don’t think he could ever really follow any religions unless, like the elves would require, the existence of gods were proven.

   as far as other religions go, the urgal religion is pretty interesting but never had any influence on eragon. there was the cult of the worshipers of helgrind which he came into contact with during his brief time in dras-leona but again no influence beyond thinking they’re kind of insane. & then conversely is eragon’s impact on the religion surrounding dragon riders. i’m assuming it’s another human religion & again there’s no official name, but there are those who worship(ped) them as gods. so when word spread of eragon & the return of dragon riders, of course it had a huge impact. as if gods once again walked the earth once again. but beyond that, there’s not a whole lot of info on it? might have more to add if it comes up again during the rest of my reread but as of right now this might be it.

   i also want to say that while the country of surda might have other religions as its its own country, they’re never mentioned & again would have had no impact on eragon’s views on god

[mystiika]

re; hades’ ties with minthe & leuce

m i n t h e

   to start, i do not acknowledge minthe as a lover or consort of hades. there are a few different depictions but i personally use the story that she tried to ( or at the very least intended to ) seduce him but was killed by persephone before she could succeed. & honestly i don’t blame persephone in the slightest.

   minthe was a daughter of kokytos, said to be the most beautiful naiad-nymph, & was of mount mintha in elis ( southern greece ). she claimed she was more deserving of hades’ love than persephone, that she was superior in every way & went to the queen to gloat about how she was to steal hades away from her. in her anger, persephone turned her to dust. while he had no love for her, hades felt a sense of pity & it was from this dust that hades ( or persephone story depending ) caused hedyosmos ( mint ) to grow.

"For she had said that she was nobler of form and more excellent in beauty than dark-eyed Persephone and she boasted that Aidoneus would return to her and banish the other from his halls : such infatuation leapt upon her tongue. And from the earth spray the weak herb that bears her name." — Oppian, Halieutica 3. 485 ff (trans. Mair) (Greek poet C3rd A.D.)

"Near Pylos, towards the east, is a mountain named after Minthe, who, according to myth, [ claimed to be ] the concubine of Haides, was trampled under foot by Kore (Core) [Persephone], and was transformed into garden-mint, the plant which some call hedyosmos. Furthermore, near the mountain is a precinct sacred to Haides." — Strabo, Geography 8. 3. 14 (trans. Jones) (Greek geographer C1st B.C. to C1st A.D.)

& in one of the depictions where it was persephone that turned her to mint rather than hades: "Persephone of old was given grace to change a woman's [Mintha's] form to fragrant mint." — Ovid, Metamorphoses 10. 728 ff (trans. Melville) (Roman epic C1st B.C. to C1st A.D.)

   the mint plant was also later closely associated with hades due to the fact that mint was likely used in ancient funerary rites to mask the smell of the dead & so came to be regarded as a sacred plant of his.

l e u c e

   leuce is a more complicated topic. in terms of timing it seems like a lot of sources agree that leuce pre-dates persephone. there are many depictions where she is mentioned to be a close companion of persephone & we’re left to assume she was either a friend or servant but i genuinely just don’t think hades would go behind persephone’s back to sleep with a close confidant. this in turn means that i rely on a lot on the tales that imply that her time with hades pre-dates that of his marriage with persephone.

   as for who leuce was, she was the daughter of oceanus & a simple nymph. she caught hades’ eye & so started an infatuation with her — him, as the result of her beauty, & her, as the result of his affections as well as the appeal of him as a god. hades, who had so little interest in the typical whims of most, took interest in her & his attention was flattering, of course, but more than that it made her feel special, it made her feel seen. but he was god of the underworld & had duties to attend to. he asked her to come with him to the underworld & naturally she agreed. it was there that she lived out the rest of her days, regrettably as a consort rather than a wife, but he still cared deeply for her. while he cared for her & gave her what he hoped was a happy life, she was still mortal & their time together was short. he wished he could extend her life but it would go against everything his role as a god stood for. so at the end of her life, he mourned her loss greatly & so hades turned her into a white poplar which he placed in the elysian fields.

   these trees could be found in elysium as well as scattered around the living realm. beyond this story she has no role in mythology, she was simply a women who managed to capture the elusive heart of the god of the dead. additionally, to celebrate the hero heracles’ own return from the underworld, he crowned himself with a branch of this tree.

"Leuce was a nymph, a daughter of Oceanus, who was carried off by Hades. After her death she was changed into a white poplar in Elysium. The white poplar was sacred to Hades. When Heracles returned form the underworld, he was crowned with poplar leaves." — R. E. Bell, Women of Classical Mythology (sourced from Servius on Virgil's Eclogues 4.250)

"Herakles found the white poplar (leukê) growing on the banks of the Akheron (Acheron), the river in Thesprotia, and for this reason Homer calls it Akherois (Acherois). So from the first down to the present all rivers have not been equally suited for the growth of plants and trees. Tamarisks grow best and in the greatest numbers by the Maiandros (Meander) . . . So it is no wonder that the white poplar grew first by the Akheron." — Pausanias, Description of Greece 5. 14. 2 (trans. Jones) (Greek travelogue C2nd A.D.)

[mystiika]

re; hades’ kidnapping & tricking of persephone

   hades just on the brain ( as he so often is ). under the cut bc it’s just a little too long for the dash i think

   so i’ve been thinking about hades & persephone’s relationship. i’m not implying that what i’m saying here is absolutely & unequivocally the truth, but the reality is that the texts are old. the translations we have could be biased, they could add or remove elements to the story that would completely change what we know today & i genuinely just don’t think it’s as black & white as what people write it. for one, the interpretation relies so heavily on the understanding/interpretation of persephone as a person. so many stories we tell about hades & persephone is heavily biased & that part isn’t something you can argue. there’s nothing that says that a bias removes credibility 100%, but at the same time, a lack of other tellings leaves room for questions. while biased & objective are not mutually exclusive, there is still a distinct difference. there’s also the argument that the greeks & romans would never tell a story that rejoiced in hades’ kidnapping of persephone. they worshiped demeter as goddess of the harvest. they resented hades for resulting in the seasons with no harvest & rejoiced every year when persephone was returned to her mother & demeter once again bestowed the gifts of her agriculture to the people. that alone would influence the perception of hades within the legends we’re told about him.

   hades was hated for his kidnapping & forced marriage of persephone which we see most heavily detailed in demeter’s view of what happened ( most popularly told in homeric hymn to demeter ). we see how heartbroken she is to find her daughter was taken & all blame is put on hades for carrying out the actions & on zeus for allowing it to happen. the reality is that it’s hard to find things about persephone’s feelings directly via first person. as far as i can tell, we see very little from the perspective of persephone that wasn’t also told through the lens of a grieving mother. we do see some “objective” third person view of the story, but just because the story seems objective from a narrator in 3rd person, doesn’t mean that the real-life person telling the story is also unbiased. we see some of this in metamorphoses book 5 which tells the story of the abduction. & not to remove possible blame from hades, in a lot of these stories it was actually the result of aphrodite & cupid inserting themselves. aphrodite saw hades in the mortal realm, doing his job to maintain the balance & circling the lands of sicily to make sure there were no signs of a possible disaster. but instead of letting him return to his kingdom in piece, she told cupid to shoot hades with his best arrow as a way to expand her reach into his kingdom as well. so if anything, there should have been just as much blame on her as there was on zeus or hades from this alleged abduction.

   in some tellings we can see more from persephone herself, part of the argument being that we need to “unvictimise” her. if we remove the possibility for romance in persephone’s story then we also remove her agency. conversely, many people argue that romantic readings of persephone can perpetuate problematic & potentially outdated ideas about female sexuality, making romance out of an ugly story of sexual abuse into one of a consensual union. it’s said that these versions replicate monolithic & misogynistic mythology rather than showing a feminist & female-empowered depiction of what happened. can’t say i agree with it all that much but as with anything, interpretation is subjective.

   but it’s also worth noting that while we have the famous title “the r*pe of persphone”, it’s not a direct translation to the word we know of it in modern society. in the ancient context of the subject, the word "r*pe" referred to the traditional translation of the latin “raptus” meaning "seized" or "carried off", & did not literally mean sexual violence. i will say there are nuances within the texts that some say imply examples of hades forcing himself on her — such as the argument that eating the seeds ( & the tricking of persephone to do so ) was euphemism for sex. but of course there are also plenty of depictions where she ate the seeds willingly which would only further support the idea hades didn’t do such a thing. with that in mind, in my interpretation of the story hades did not, & has never, r*ped her in the modern sense of the word & it was a GROSS mistranslation that has done nothing but taint their story in a worse light than it was or ever needed to be. while i don’t necessarily follow it, there’s also the story that she resisted eating while in the underworld, knowing what would happen but eventually ate the seeds anyway & hades had nothing to do with it at all. & in my personal interpretation with my persephone, the reality is that she did eat them of her own volition as this is a decision she lead & one that i agree with.

side note: regardless of if she ate them willingly, the general accepted school of thought is that she ate them without knowing the consequences. but as discussed with my persephone, we opt to ignore that. so with that in mind, i don’t think he tricked her into anything per say. although naïve of the world due to her mother’s influence & it’s possible hades leaned into that, persephone isn’t stupid. she knew what she was doing when she ate them & we won’t budge on that.

   now, in the past i’ve gone back & forth about the validity of the tale of her abduction. at first i accepted the stories at face value, then i rejected the idea of her being kidnapped completely because i wanted their story to be one of love, but the more i think about it, it’s a lot more nuanced than that.

 the way hades loves can be intense. it’s passionate & full, but it could also be obsessive at times ( & possessive to a degree ). i’ve already said that there’s very few examples of hades falling in love which means he’s inexperienced in how to deal with those romantic feelings. he also has no healthy loving/romantic relationship he could model his behaviour after. he’s flying by the seat of his pants & the marriage that he builds with persephone is them both figuring out things as they go along.

   in every example we have of him loving someone, his first thought is to take them to the underworld where he could keep them at his side — protected & loved ( such as with the tale of leuce in the mythos or & maria & marie in the riordanverse ). the idea that he would take a woman he loves & force her to give up life as she knew it for a life in the underworld, hidden away from everyone & everything she loved? it looks like the textbook definition of manipulative & possessive at a toxic level.

   but ! we know ( without a doubt ) from the myths that hades viewed persephone as his equal & allowed her to rule with him as such. in their marriage he didn’t just treat her as property & he gave her autonomy & freedom in a way that demeter didn’t ( though to what degree is up to interpretation ), & while yes she was required to return to him for half the year, she was still quite free within the underworld. she was no longer naïve the way she’d been under her mother, & being with hades opened her up to things she’d have had very little chance of experiencing before their union. at first he shut her out to keep her from the nitty gritty of the underworld, not wanting her to deal with the loss & heartbreak he once had to get over. but in the end he stopped doing that, knowing she was smart enough & strong enough to handle it in her own way. they have a level of trust that’s hard to ignore. she missed her mother & the realm she’d known, but hades treated her like an adult. he trusted her & it’s hard not to fall in love when someone treats you the way you want to be treated. knowing this deep respect hades had for persephone being her own person & capable of making decisions for herself, it find it hard to believe she’d have been taken to the underworld without some degree of consent for it.

   one of the things we know without question, is that it was love at first sight for hades. as i mentioned earlier with him being shot by cupid’s arrow, he saw her picking flowers in the field & it was as if spring itself bloomed in his chest. the underworld was dark & lonely, & hades admired the kindness & tenderness he saw in persephone as she played with the nymphs. he kept going back to see her again, his heart growing ever softer in the process. for a nice depiction of his view/feelings of this is outlined in this poem over here.

   as for the kidnapping, that’s where it gets a little trickier. at this point, we know persephone to have been this beautiful maiden, attracting the attention of many gods. however, demeter had an obsessed love for her daughter in her own right & kept all men away from her. she meant to keep her innocent & pure forever, always by her mother’s side. hades would have known there was no sense going to demeter, so instead he went to zeus for help. we already know that zeus had a hand in it of course, but in my interpretation it was more under the ruse of allowing hades the time to woo persephone without fearing an interruption from her mother, rather than giving direct consent to a malicious abduction but that’s a reflection of hades & not zeus. & i do not give zeus any credit where that’s concerned. his treatment of women in the mythos is less than favourable & i have no doubt that he’d have had no issues with hades taking persephone for himself without regard for her own feelings about the matter.

   the ground splitting open to swallow her seems like a bit of embellishment imo since there were other less conspicuous entrances. & from the outside, i think it really did look like she was being kidnapped — stealing away in the chariot of a man she didn’t know, taken away to the underworld by a god who everyone thought was worse than death himself. it would give anyone cause for concern & demeter reacted the way any mother would; distraught, searching high & low for her daughter; eventually finding her way to zeus, cursing him out for allowing such a thing to happen. it was then that she swore to every god on olympus that she wouldn’t allow a single stalk of wheat to grow until her daughter was returned to her. other stories talk of her burning down food or corn already grown & more still talk of a drought. but regardless of details, the fact was that through demeter rescinding her gifts to the world, she claimed countless victims ( mainly through starvation or dehydration ) in protest until the other gods would help her retrieve persephone from hades.

   meanwhile, persephone saw a handsome man with a spark of kindness & love in his eye, already seeing something beyond the dark gaze others were caught on. she viewed him as something different than the suitors before & for good reason. he was a god who needed nothing & no one, he had nothing to gain by perusing her beyond persephone’s affections. he stole her away on his chariot that day, but she went willingly. maybe there was a tinge of fear, but met with someone tall, dark, & handsome, there’s a thrill there too.

   & frankly, i’m not sure that anyone would believe her if she said she went with him of her own volition & that’s more a reflection of the times than anything & the control demeter had always had over her.. he was god of the dead & persephone didn’t know him before that fateful day in the fields. any feelings she developed for him might have been seen by the others as the result of some form stockholm syndrome to an extent ( or something similar ). then came his “trick” to force her into spending half a year in the underworld at his side which did nothing to add credibility to his point of view.

   as a side note: the cult of persephone was especially strong in sicily & southern italy. & besides the eleusinian mysteries, there were sanctuaries to the goddess across the greek world, most notably at locri epizephyrii, mantinea, megalopolis, & sparta. & there, there were annual festivities celebrating persephone's marriage & her picking of flowers rather than the opposite hatred most other greeks felt for what had transpired.

[mystiika]

re; hades’ sexual + romantic orientation

   so i categorise hades as being heterosexual & greyromantic but i figured i should probably give a reason why. so ( as far as i know ), hades is one of the few gods we don’t have examples of there being any same-sex lovers — unlike some of the other gods where we know of them having had lovers of more than one gender. so naturally, this is where i get the heterosexual aspect from.

   now, the greyromantic i understand can be a little confusing since, at the very least, we know him to be deeply in love with persephone. but ace/aro orientations are both very much a spectrum. so for hades when i say greyromantic, i mean it in the sense that he experiences romantic attraction in-frequently between person to person but when he has romantic feelings for someone ( ie. persephone ) then it's a constant romantic attraction that does not waver.

   this same concept applies to the riordanverse as we know how deeply hades cared for & loved maria di angelo. as far as i’m concerned, those two are the only women hades has ever truly loved ( tho since it’s complicated, an explanation for his relationship with leuce is linked below ). any other possible lovers were a mere infatuation or driven by a sexual desire rather than a romantic one.

   it’s worth mentioning that in the riordanverse hades also had a child with marie levesque. that being said i got the impression that he cared far more for hazel than marie & haven’t totally settled on his exact feelings for marie. that being said, i think part of that is the result of the fact that majority of the series regard hades as his greek form & therefore since he had hazel in his roman form, i think it’s natural that he’d be a little more emotionally removed than himself as hades. as a result, i don’t think i’ll ever see his feelings for her anywhere near the same level as maria.

edit: a more in-depth post can be found here, but in the mythos, his two “known” consorts are leuce & minthe. while i do not acknowledge minthe as one of hades’ lovers, i do think that he had feelings for leuce as well as marie. i just think it was more an infatuation than a deep love like with what he felt for persephone ( or maria ).

[mystiika]

re; chris’ sexual + romantic orientation

   so i feel like there’s two main questions people have about this:               oo1. why don’t i just say he’s bi or bi-curious               oo2. what even is heteroflexible ( side note: it can absolutely be harmful depending on usage but it depends on the situation imo )

   to put it as simply as possible, it’s mainly out of respect. as a bi man, i already have to deal a lot with biphobic tendencies or bierasure. within this, the main one is that bisexual people are just people who haven’t made up their mind yet about if they want to be straight or gay. so part of it is the fact that chris doesn’t want to add fuel to the fire & contribute to the conversation. he doesn’t want to use bi in any part of his identity until he’s sure that it’s the right fit.

   it’s also out of respect for other men who like men specifically. i mean this in the sense that any time a guy approached with non-platonic intentions, he’d get this sense of obligation to tell them that he’s not really interested in guys all that much & that it has nothing to do with them. so he’d be worried that he’d get called fake or like he’s just saying he’s bi to get attention etc. it would sound like he’s using the label but it’s kind of like an empty promise bc for all he knows, that one guy is never going to come along.

   he’s not all all opposed to the idea of dating a guy. he’s just kind of indifferent about it but it doesn’t feel right to him to explore that for the most part, knowing that there’s a high chance that he’s just going to waste the other guy’s time.

   if you want to get into studies about heteroflexibility then you could say that heteroflexibility as an orientation is akin to categories 1 & 2 on the kinsey scale ( 0 being “exclusively heterosexual” & 6 being “exclusively homosexual.” ). however, because it involves ( or can involve ) attraction &/or acts with people of the same sex, some critics have argued that being heteroflexible is just a subsection of bisexuality but i’m not sure i totally agree. there is still the school of thought that people get the benefit of calling themself heteroflexible instead of bisexual to avoid the stigma which i think has some truth to it but i’m not sure it’s a 100% guarantee of what’s happening.

   there was also some research done by héctor carrillo & amanda hoffman that highlights the main difference between bisexual & heteroflexibility as being that “heteroflexible people sometimes claim that they are not usually attracted to people of the same gender”. which, in this case, i would categorise chris as being part of.

   i suppose a better way to do explain it for chris would be “bi-curious without feeling even the slightest need to pursue it & identifies straight when asked” but it’s shorter to just say heteroflexible. & i personally see a definite line between heteroflexible & bi-curious, the difference being that bi-curious implies confusion or active interest in finding out if they’re bi ( or at the least having some sort of same-sex thoughts or fantasies even if there’s no intention to follow up ) whereas heteroflexible is kind of like a stepping stone but basically means you’re open to it without feeling the need to explore it. it’s also possible he’s demi-bi? but that also doesn’t feel quite right because he has ( what i’ll call ) expected immediate attraction to women & doesn’t need a deep emotional connection in order to get there. who knows, maybe i’ll change it to bi if he ever does end up falling for a guy but it’s hard to say.

   at the end of the day, i don’t think it’s especially harmful to use heteroflexible in this context because while some people might be using it because of internalised biphobia, it doesn’t add to societal biphobia by further perpetuating the idea that “bisexuals just haven’t made up their mind”. that being said once you have established some sort of attraction to the same sex in whatever way, then that’s where it becomes more of an ethical question & you should really just identify bi even just to yourself, there’s no reason not to.

[mystiika]

re; jamie’s sense of attraction

   so forever ago i had made a post explaining that jamie is asexual & what his perception of/feelings towards sex are but i didn’t really spend any time explaining the attraction he does feel. he experiences romantic attraction of course but a huge part of it is also aesthetic attraction & sensual attraction. eventually i’d like to go more in depth but atm i just want to get a few basic thoughts out so here we are. also before i get started i wanted to once again add the disclaimer that this is specific to jamie, ace people vary massively in their preferences & this is not meant to be taken as a blanket statement of “this is what all asexual people are like”. now lets get into it

   so i’ll start with sensual attraction since that’s a big motivator for when he decides to get into a relationship. one of his love languages is physical touch so he’s already very physically affectionate with friends & family as is aka he likes hugging, holding hands, cuddling, platonic kisses on the cheek & such etc. while by default sensual attraction is defined as non-sexual, it ( at least for him ) starts to lean into stuff like kissing as well & feeling a desire to make his partner feel good even if sex itself isn’t something he’s particularly interested in. this is something that goes hand in hand with romantic attraction for him & won’t really experience one without the other.

   when it comes to aesthetic attraction, that’s something that most people experience to a degree. when you’re admiring something pretty, that’s an aesthetic attraction. or if you see someone in public whose look you really like then that might be a slightly stronger sense of  aesthetic attraction. & for a lot of people, aesthetic attraction is what leads into sexual attraction. what i would say the difference between weak or strong aesthetic attraction for jamie would be a passing comment of “they’re good looking” & a feeling of “wow i really want to be around this person/get to know this person”. kinda like the difference between appreciating something or being drawn to it if that makes sense. aesthetic attraction is also something he typically experiences with the people in his life like “sheeeeeeesh you lookin good today !” & just generally hyping them up without feeling any sense of sensual or romantic attraction to them.

[mystiika]

re; atargatis

   right so it made no sense to say that nukh was created by atargatis without explaining who she actually is. so atargatis is an assyrian goddess worshipped as one of the 2400+ known gods/goddesses in the mesopotamian religion & is associated with the primordial mother.

   below the cut i cover her origin story as a mermaid ( since we have no origin for her as a goddess, she just kind of exists hence the mentioned primordial aspect ), her name(s) + etymology, who hadad is/why is he relevant, appearance & associated symbols, who is she + what is she the god of + what does she do, & finally, syncretism + her cult & reach.

   honestly the important bit is the story, maybe hadad if you’re curious, & i’d rec skimming the first little bit of the who is she/what does she do but the rest is really just there if you’re curious.

the story

   the earliest records we have for mermaids is the story of atargatis, where the records in question are from 1000 b.c.e. that being said, atargatis was worshipped as a goddess throughout assyria as well as across the mediterranean roughly 4000 years ago ( as far as we know ).

    now, there are many different versions of her story spread across several cultures, all of which influenced each other. so what you’re about to read is a bit of a mixture, but there’s a lot i’m completely leaving out just because it's a conflicting narrative or it’s a triggering topic for some people ( & frankly, in those cases it seems unnecessary to include ).

   such as in the most popular myth ( we think this more popular origin was actually the result of the greeks & the romans rather than the original tale since their primordial mother is gaia or terra ), atargatis started off human. but in mine, as with much of her older origin tales, from the beginning she was a goddess. primarily, the goddess of fertility, renowned for her beauty & kind blessings but it's worth noting that she is an aspect of the primordial mother & is very much so ancient. it was only after her rebirth that she became known as the mermaid goddess. 

   her timeline does involve a lot of contradictions though, some placing her to become a mermaid only after the rise of "her" daughter semiramis who ruled around around the time of 800 b.c.e, but as i said the first mention of her story as a mermaid was from as early as 1000 b.c.e. as such, in my interpretation & understanding, she became a mermaid long before semiramis became queen of assyria. as i write it, she did give birth to a daughter of the name of semiramis, but the queen semiramis was a direct descendant of the original semiramis rather than being born of atargatis herself. what we do know, is that semiramis would actually later to go on to become a legendary queen of assyria & among her many accomplishments, she was most well known for creating the famous hanging gardens of babylonia. she was very much so a real person which is why we have a rough date of her rule.

   while atargatis’ role as an aspect of the primordial mother goddess is something i go over later. the story i tell in this section, is that of her rebirth as the mermaid goddess. 

   atargatis fell in love with a mortal shepherd boy, almost giddy with fresh feelings & fondness for the man. she loved him so deeply his mortality couldn’t stop her affections. & after some time, she bore him a daughter who they named semiramis. however, their tale didn’t stay happy for long. in the end, atargatis underestimated her powers & she inadvertently killed her lover. after which she was absolutely distraught, riddled with guilt & was overwhelmed with depression & shame over what she had done. in the end, she exiled herself, sinking below the waters of a lake near ashkelon. she wanted nothing more than to be alone, to either sit & marinate in a grief she was unsure she’d ever see the other side of, or to drown herself in those same waters. but her beauty was so great that the water could not hide it. she could neither die, nor fully transform into a fish. & so she remained half goddess, half fish; a mermaid & the first of her kind.

   but that wasn’t quite the end of her tale. you see, with her new identity as a mermaid, she became more than just the goddess of fertility. she also became a goddess of the seas, & of the moon, feminine powers, fierce motherly protection & more. she also became a goddess of transformation.

name + etymology

   her most common name is atargatis, a semitic word at its root, but she has many names.

   given the fact that atargatis’ history & mythological lore is vast, & spans over several cultures & hundreds of years, it’s no surprise that she’s amassed a great number of names & alternate spellings: atergatis, ataratheh ataratha, athtart ( phoenician ), taratha, ‘atar'arah/‘atar'atah ( aramaic ), tr'th ( in the talmud ), atargates, derceto/derketo, dea suria, syria dea, deasura, iasura, whale of der ( philistine ), eurunome diana, & tirgata.

   so the etymology of her name of atargatis has two different possible make ups.

   this name ‘atar‘atheh is a compound of two divine names: the first part ( atarr ) is a form of the aramaic ‘attart’ minus its feminine suffix -t, plus ʿattah or ʿatā, a cognate of ʿanat. himyaritic ‘athtar, the equivalent of the old testament ‘ashtoreth, the phoenician ‘ashtart rendered in greek as astarte. compare the cognate akkadian form ishtar. the second half ( atis ) may be a palmyrene divine name athe ( i.e. tempus opportunum ), which occurs as part of many compounds.

   alternatively, there’s the theory that the second half ( gatis ) may relate to the greek gados “fish”. ( for example, the greek name for “sea monster” or “whale” is the cognate term ketos ). so atar-gatis may simply mean “the fish-goddess atar”.

   she’s also heavily associated with astarte, ishtar, aphrodite, venus, hera, rhea, & cybele ( some of which i discuss later ).

   now, i’ve seen conflicting information regarding atargatis & atarte ( the babylonian & the chief [ or female divinity ] goddess of fertility, sexuality, & war ). frankly, i had no idea if they were the same goddess or not. a lot of the information states that they’re often confused due to similar names & etymology. however ! there is still a significant amount overlap between them. not to mention that astarte is even referred to as athtart/ashtart sometimes. most of the information claims that they are different goddess but as i talk about later, we have reason to believe that they started as the same goddess, split off for a portion of time & thus their histories & cults became distinct, but through the confusion of popular intellect, they merged back together again later as a single goddess which would explain the conflicting information. but honestly that could be a separate post in of itself so i won't get into it now. i won’t be covering astarte at all here. i just thought it was worth noting. 

who is hadad

   due to conflicting origin stories ( ahem the greeks ahem ), some depict hadad as being the name of the mortal shepherd boy atargatis had fallen in love with, but in actuality, hadad was her consort & a god in his own right. hadad ( also spelled had, hadda, or haddu ), is the west semitic god of weather, hurricanes, storms, & thunder & rain. his attributes were identical with those of adad of the assyro-babylonian pantheon. he was the chief ba'al of the west semites ( including both sedentary & nomadic aramaeans ) in north syria, along the phoenician coast, & along the euphrates river. as ba'al-hadad he was represented as a bearded deity, often holding a club & thunderbolt & wearing a horned headdress. hadad was equated with the greek god zeus; the roman god jupiter, as jupiter dolichenus; the hittite storm-god teshub; & the egyptian god set.

appearance & symbols

   doves & fish were considered sacred to her: doves as an emblem of love & fish as symbolic of the fertility & life of the waters. some of her symbols are a lion, a crescent moon, & two fish confronting one another. she’s also associated with dolphins, spindle, barley, wheat stalks, egg, love, childbirth, gold, & great jewels.

   her place in the mermaid triple goddess is as the crone & like the others of the mermaid triple goddess, mélusine & lí ban, atargatis is mostly associated with freshwater, specifically the sacred lake which changed her into her fish or mermaid form. likewise is lí ban a freshwater mermaid, having been transformed in a lake, & mélusine was a freshwater sprite who dwelled by a forest spring & in avalon before her transformation. as such, she’s known to represent origins, new beginnings, rebirth, transformation, healing & love.

   lucian, a writer of the first century c.e who was born in syria, left us a description of the temple of atargatis. it was richly decorated, with a golden ceiling & doors, & inside it, the statue of atargatis was also made of gold & displayed with hadad’s. while he was enthroned on two bulls, she sat on two lions ( like astarte ), holding in one hand a sceptre, in the other a distaff; around her waist was a girdle that lucian identifies with the cestus of aphrodite, the magic belt that made her irresistible when worn. her crown was in the form of a tower ( the mural crown, signifying possession or rule over a city ) & rays were depicted behind Her head. this statue was covered with gems & jewels from all over, & in her crown was a great red jewel that lit up the room. 

   depictions of the cult-statue of atargatis of ashkelon on coins of the first century b.c.e show an archaic & standardised form, much like other eastern cult statues like the diana of ephesus or the aphrodite of aphrodisios. her body is stylised as a column in a tight sheath dress with her arms sticking out at the sides at right angles. she wears a veil that reaches to the floor, & holds a flower or ear of corn in one hand. on her shoulders are two wheat or barley-sheaves; her dress is textured with smallish lumps, reminiscent of grains of barley, with an unidentified oval in the centre, perhaps a representation of the girdle or cestus lucian describes

   in regards to other associated symbols, at palmyra she appears on the coinage with a lion, or her presence is signalled with a lion & the crescent moon; an inscription mentions her. in the temples of atargatis at palmyra & at dura-europos she appeared repeatedly with her consort, hadad ( who i talk about later ), & in the richly syncretic religious culture at dura-europos, was worshipped as artemis azzanathkona. two well preserved temples in niha, lebanon are dedicated to her & to hadad. in the 1930s, numerous nabatean bas-relief busts of atargatis were identified by nelson glueck at khirbet et-tannûr, jordan, in temple ruins of the early first century c.e; there the lightly veiled goddess’s lips & eyes had once been painted red, & a pair of fish confronted one another above her head. her wavy hair, suggesting water to glueck, was parted in the middle. at petra the goddess from the north was syncretised with a north arabian goddess from the south al-uzzah, worshipped in the one temple. at dura-europus among the attributes of atargatis are the spindle & the sceptre or fish-spear. occasionally you'll also see her depicted with a dolphin crown.

   some of the offerings people would use for her are wheat beer, pure water, wine, bread, barley, figs, & abstinence from eating fish. other things people would do in her name would involve ornering fish with gold & silver, maintaining beautiful ponds filled with these fish as well as others, all of which were sacred & therefore maintained & kept healthy to the highest degree. people would also contribute to the safety of sea creatures & their watery homes to gain her favour.

   atargatis chant beads are one way to readily connect with the energy of the goddess. as you continue to use the beads, the chants become second nature, & the mind becomes free to journey into wholeness.

   using a physical object, such as a string of beads, is also helpful for sensory recall. if you are able to consistently use the beads to achieve a certain feeling or mind-state ( peaceful, open, focused, etc. ), then before long simply handling the beads will easily bring about that sacred state of being.

who is she, what is she the god of & what does she do

   she is the goddess of water, the moon, fertility, feminine powers, fierce motherly protection & more. sometimes also known as lady goddess of the sea. but she has many roles that go beyond her areas of rule. atargatis was an aspect of the universal mother & her life-giving waters.

   atargatis represents the abundance & cycles of nature, the necessity of hope & the blessing of renewal after loss & endings. she represents all mothers & their love for both their partner, & for their children. she is the perfected beauty of the divine feminine & the personification of nourishing freshwater that wells from deep within the earth, rises through the equally life-giving air, forms the shading clouds & then falls again to the earth as merciful, quenching rain that sustains the endless cycle of life, growing & transforming all that it touches. in this sense, she is life. she is an aspect of the universal mother & her life-giving waters.

   atargatis was known as a fierce goddess of power & of grace. she was the baʿalah ( or lady ) of her people—in charge of the city’s protection & well-being. & unlike other goddesses of feminine softness & fertility, atargatis was also a wild protector—able to channel the divine protection of a mother guarding her children, when need be.  

   even though the stories of this goddess are great & many, the threads throughout all of them unite in one true knowing: that atargatis was a powerful water goddess — deeply connected to the watery depths of this world. she was a mother, a lover, a ruler of fierce power & grace. one who loved her people dearly, & was loved just as dearly by them in turn.

   i mentioned this under symbols but being the most ancient mermaid, & an all-mother long known & worshipped by many cultures & civilisations, atargatis is heavily associated with the crone aspect of the triple goddess. the crone represents the culmination of all feminine living & experience, having come full circle from the beginning to the end, & therefore continuing the cycle to a new beginning, as is all that death leads to. of the three mermaids, she is the only one who was ( in ways & in certain myths ) widowed & who purposely sought death or transformation, both of which also closely link her to the deathly crone. but we learn from atargatis the completion of the cycle & of finding & accepting our place in the circle of life. she is at once all aspects of the goddess triple goddess, as indeed is the crone as the culmination of all a woman’s life & experience. by the time she becomes the aged, wise grandmother & even harbinger of death, she has been all three – maiden, mother & crone.

   it’s pretty interesting ( & worth noting at least to me ) that so many goddesses – astarte ( as i mentioned this association is sometimes considered inaccurate but their similarities are undeniable ), anat, ishtar, aphrodite, isis, hera, cybele – would all be identified with each other & even be considered just slightly different forms of or names for the same supreme goddess, one great mother, who was also considered to be a mermaid or in the form of a fish.

   it really does prove the very sacred & apt symbol of the mermaid as the ultimate representation of the feminine divine, & the mother & nurturer that water itself is to all life, hence the watery & fishy associations with atargatis & so many other of the highest & most ancient goddesses & gods.

   as she originated in the east, in mesopotamia, & as her rebirth in the lake as a mermaid represents a most hopeful new beginning & healing, the newly-formed goddess rising out of the sacred lake reminds us that there is always a new day & another chance.

   atargatis is a very complex goddess who appeared in different forms & stories in many cultures, & the amount of both ancient & recent texts & research we have regarding her only ironically help to compound her mystery & the daunting task of trying to define her & sort out her legends, varied & intercultural as they all are ( & i’ll make a separate post about parallel stories of atargatis across several cultures ).

   she is the great civiliser, who taught the people social & religious procedures, & who is responsible for inventing many useful things as her gift to humankind. in her capacity as heavenly goddess, she is concerned with astrology & divination, & fate. though atargatis is often identified with astarte, this is not quite correct—while the worship of both atargatis & astarte spring from a common source, the cults later diverged so that the goddesses became distinctly different. by the late periods though they were so confused in the popular imagination that some people believe that they did in fact merge back into the same goddess.

syncretism, cult, & reach

   while she was often worshipped as the most prominent & beloved deity within assyria ( & later syria ), she was mixed in with many other mythology & cultures. as i mentioned before, atargatis is believed to be the inspiration to all the mermaids stories that have been told around the world. she was worshipped in ancient assyria & later on all over mediterranean. she’s a well-established deity, whose cult spread through phoenicia & all the way into greece & rome. 

   at her temples at ashkelon, hierapolis bambyce, & edessa, “they often” had ponds on the outside, which were filled with sacred fish that only the priests could touch, & which are said to have been quite friendly. glueck noted in 1936 that “to this day there is a sacred fish-pond swarming with untouchable fish at qubbet el-baeddwī, a dervish monastery three kilometres east of tripolis, lebanon.” there are other accounts of another fishpond of fish sacred to atargatis surviving at şanlıurfa, turkey, another part of the ancient edessa, its mythology transferred to ibrahim.

   as ataratha she may be recognised by the self-mutilation & self-castration of her votaries, recorded in a perhaps sensationalist christian passage from the book of the laws of the countries, one of the oldest works of syriac prose, an early-third-century product of the school of bar daisan ( bardesanes ):

   “in assyria & in urhâi [ edessa ] the men used to castrate themselves in honour of ataratha. but when king abgar became a believer, he commanded that anyone who emasculated himself should have a hand cut off. & from that day to the present no one in urhâi emasculates himself anymore.” —chapter 45. 

   these acts of self-mutilation were not unlike the priesthood of cybele. also like cybele’s, the worship of atargatis was practiced with song, dance, & music of flutes & rattles, the worshippers working themselves to a frenzy. 

   cult of atargatis travelled all the way to greece & rome & even british isles with roman invaders. the greeks called her derceto or derketo & romans called her dea syriae which shorted to deasura, the [as]syrian goddess. 

   lucian of samosata & apuleius of madauros give descriptions of the beggar-priests who went round the great cities with an image of the goddess on a donkey & collected money. the wide extension of the cult is attributable largely to syrian merchants; thus we find traces of it in the great seaport towns; at delos especially numerous inscriptions have been found bearing witness to her importance. again we find the cult in sicily, introduced, no doubt, by slaves & mercenary troops, who carried it even to the farthest northern limits of the roman empire. the leader of the rebel slaves in the first servile war, a syrian named eunus, claimed to receive visions of atargatis, whom he identified with the demeter of enna.

   a recent analysis of the cult of atargatis is an essay by per bilde, in which atargatis appears in the context of other hellenised great goddesses of the east.

   in many cases atargatis, ‘ashtart ( astarte ), & other goddesses who once had independent cults & mythologies became fused to such an extent as to be indistinguishable. this fusion is exemplified by the carnion temple, which is probably identical with the famous temple of ‘ashtart at ashtaroth-karnaim. atargatis generally appears as the wife of hadad, the storm god. they are the protecting deities of the community. atargatis, wearing a mural crown, is the ancestor the royal house, the founder of social & religious life, the goddess of generation & fertility ( hence the prevalence of phallic emblems ), & the inventor of useful appliances. not unnaturally she is identified with the greek aphrodite. by the conjunction of these many functions, despite originating as a sea deity analogous to amphitrite, she becomes ultimately a great nature-goddess, analogous to cybele & rhea: in one aspect she typifies the protection of water in producing life; in another, the universal of other-earth ( macrobius, saturn. 1.23 ); in a third ( no doubt influenced by chaldean astrology ), the power of destiny.

   at ugarit, cuneiform tablets attest a fecund “lady goddess of the sea” ( rabbatu at̪iratu yammi ), as well as three canaanite goddesses — anat, asherah & ashtart — who shared many traits & might be worshipped in conjunction or separately during 1500 years of cultural history.

   “…the semitic moon goddess, who followed the course of the sun, at times manifesting herself to the eyes of men, at others seeking concealment in the western flood, was represented as half woman, half fish, with characteristics which make her lunar origin indisputable. her name was derceto, or atergatis, & she was identical with mylitta, the universal mother, or source of life. this goddess “was esteemed by her votaries the same as venus or cupris;” she “was worshipped by the phigalians, in arcadia, by the name of eurunome diana; her statue was of great antiquity, & represented a woman as far as the middle, but from thence had the figure of a fish.” macrobius makes her “the mother of the gods;” & bryant wisely concludes that this mermaid figure was a hieroglyphic of the ark. on the coins of ashkelon, semiramis is represented as half woman & half fish, & at joppa she is also represented as a mermaiden; the story being that she fled from typhon, plunged into the sea, took the form of a fish, & thus preserved her incognito! the goddess of moisture ( the syrian tirgata, & the derceto of palestine ), was also depicted as a mermaid.” – llewellyn jewitt “the reliquary: quarterly archaeological journal & review, vol. xix 1878

   in one of her many, atargatis was worshipped in a temple dedicated to her in the ancient city of ashkelon, now modern israel. it was told that her temple was completely made of gold & there was a giant statue of atargatis also made from pure gold & diamonds. there was pool in the temple & the worshippers of atargatis had to swim through the pool to get into the altar. pool was filled with living fishes which her devotees attended daily. as such, atargatis counted ancient israelites among her devotees. in this temple in ashkelon, the god hadad was considered atargatis’s consort ( he was the local ba'al, or “lord”, as she was the local baʿalah ). so he was worshipped alongside her. 

   we find references to an atargateion or atergateion ( a temple of atargatis ) at carnion in gilead ( modern north west jordan; cf.  2 maccabees 12.26, & 1 maccabees 5:43 ), but the home of the goddess was unquestionably not palestine, but syria proper, especially at hierapolis ( called bambyce by the greeks but its syrian name was probably mabbog ), where she had a great temple & which was considered her primary shrine. it was the largest, richest temple in syria & eventually plundered by romans. it was located on the mediterranean coast about 40 miles south west of jerusalem. herodotus credits atargatis’ temple there as being the oldest temple to aphrodite ( what he calls atargatis ) in the world, & the inspiration for her temple on the island of cyprus. in his work, lucian describes his visit to atargatis’ temple:

   “there is too a lake in the same place, not far from the temple in which many sacred fishes of different kinds are reared. some of these grow to a great size; they are called by names, & approach when called. i saw one of these ornamented with gold, & on its back fin a gold design was dedicated to the temple. i have often seen this fish, & he certainly carried this design.

   the depth of the lake is immense. i never tested it myself, but they say that it is in depth more than 200 fathoms. on the midst of this lake stands an altar of stone. you would think at first sight that it was floating & moving in the water, & many deem that it is so. the truth seems to me that it is supported by a column of great size, based on the bottom of the lake. it is always decked with ribbons, & spices are therein, & many every day swim in the lake with crowns on their heads performing their acts of adoration.” ( pp. 45-46 )

   in her day, worshippers would immerse themselves in her sacred waters to offer praise. they would keep & adorn living fish in her honour. according to writers other than lucian, it was taboo to eat or touch these fish, except on special occasions & by the priesthood, who considered it theaphagy, the ritual eating of the goddess as a sacrament.

   for further detail on her influence in greco-roman mythology, i’ll be making a post soon which i’ll link here once it’s up.