#▐ ❛TRAUMA. / the new disease came. i learn that time does not heal.

[cruelfeline]

The Hordak Bleatings Masterpost

The new and improved Masterpost! All of my ridiculous bleating in one place! Now with categories to allow you, dear friends and neighbors, to better marvel at the utter nonsense I get up to in my spare time. It shall be updated every so often/when I remember. 

some of these categories may overlap or perhaps not be perfect; I tried; there was... a lot

Enjoy!

Biological/Medical Musings

A Fairly Comprehensive List of Hordak’s Clinical Signs

I Wrote Too Much About Hordak’s Arms

And Then Someone Asked About His Elbows So Voila

Someone Else Asked About His Eyes

Yes; I Did Measure Hordak’s Ears via Fuzzy Math; You’re Welcome

A Brief Word About Dentition

Some Sad Thoughts About Clone Lifespan

I Like to Headcanon that Clones Have Naturally Different Eye Colors

Counting Hordak’s Ports

Thinking About Terrible Ways Prime Could Institute Biological Control

Doing Very Fuzzy Math And Wondering Just How Young Hordak Could Be

Spending Way Too Much Time Figuring Out Whether Hordak is Left or Right Handed

Why Tiny Food is Probably Ideal for Hordak (a joke ask I essentially took Seriously)

Discussing Hordak’s Temper

Considering Whether Hordak Needs Oxygen

Discussing Whether Prime and his Clones are Genetically Identical

Hordak in Relation to Other Characters

Entrapdak

Hordak Can Get Close to Entrapta Because He Needn’t Fear Her

Discussing Entrapdak Age Discourse

Bit More Regarding Hordak’s Maturity vs. Entrapta’s

Hordak Didn’t Manipulate Entrapta… But Catra Did

Assessing that Unfortunate Moment When Hordak Snapped at Entrapta

Further Assessing Hordak Snapping at Entrapta by Noting When He Doesn’t

On Hordak’s Wardrobe Change

Entrapta Shushing Hordak is One of My Favorite Interactions

The Entrapdak Scene Was Also One of Self-Love

I Really Like How Entrapta Talks to Hordak About Failure

Hordak Tells an Actual Lie and Succeeds

Entrapta’s and Hordak’s Social Differences Help Them Connect to One Another

I Would Have Appreciated A Scene Where Entrapta Learns About What Happened To Hordak

Hordak Takes Strength From Realizing That Entrapta Came For Him

Hordak and Entrapta Just Like One Another, and I Enjoy That

There is a Huge Difference in How The Alliance and Hordak React to Entrapta Being on Beast Island, and it’s Jarring

This is Mostly About Catradora But Kind of in the Sense of Why Entrapdak is Better, so Here it Goes

Entrapta Didn’t Teach Hordak How to Love; She Taught Him How to Be Loved

The Soup Scene is a Condensed View of Why Entrapdak Works in Light of the Rest of Hordak’s Arc

Hordak and Entrapta Search for One Another Alone, and it Makes Me Sad

I Love How Hordak Scooches Over for Entrapta to Join Him on his Throne

Catra

The How-Catra-Manipulated-Hordak Masterpost

Watching Catra and Hordak Switch Roles in Season Three is Fascinating

Hordak and Catra’s Low Points Indicate Their Core Problems

Did Hordak Abuse Catra? Did She Abuse Him? The World May Never Know

Comparing Hordak and Catra in Terms of Consequences and Agency

Hordak and Catra’s Apparent Ages Likely Affect How People Judge Them

Why Doesn’t Hordak Subdue Catra?

Losing and Regaining the Will to Fight is Another Hordak/Catra Parallel

Sometimes I Wish The Show Would Focus Less on Catra and More on Hordak

Why Catra Besting Hordak Isn’t As Satisfying As Catra Besting Shadow Weaver

Hordak Exhibits Some Level of Trust in Catra Even in Season 2... and She Betrays It

The Difference in How Hordak and Catra Handle Relationships followed by Why They Are Like This 

Some Brief Words on the Differences Between How Hordak and Catra End Up Driven to Destruction in Season Four

Musing About What I Actually Would Accept as “Hordak Abusing Catra”

I Think It’s Kind of Funny that Some Expect Catra to be Suspicious of Hordak Post-Canon

Two Scenes That Look Distressing Side-by-Side

Discussing How Catra and Hordak Start Off as Parallels but Later Deviate Due to Character Differences

Adora

How Adora and Hordak End Season Four Differently

Hordak and Adora Parallels

I Wonder if Adora Recognizes Some of Herself in Hordak

Other

This is Actually About Shadow Weaver, but Compared to Hordak, So…

Hordak Doesn’t Seem to have a “Rule the World!” Moment (compared to Shadow Weaver)

On Hordak’s Weird Interactions with DT

Watching DT Circle Hordak is Interesting

Let’s Compare the Circling Scenes, Shall We?

What Wrong Hordak’s Arc Teaches Us About Clones and Hordak

Wondering if Hordak Actually has Control Over the Etherian Horde (could he have stopped the war?)

Prime

There Is A Huge Difference In The Standards Prime And Hordak Hold Others Two Versus Themselves

Hordak and Horde Prime Handle Their Own Vulnerabilities Quite Differently

The Difference Between How Prime and Hordak Use Anger

The Moment Prime Touched Hordak’s Face is the Moment I Truly Knew That Something About Hordak’s Backstory was Very Wrong

Clone/Origin/Prime-Related Sadness

The Clone Thing

More Distressed Bleating about The Clone Thing

Hordak’s DMV Photo Disturbs Me

Hordak Isn’t Actually an Idiot About Disease Transmission

On Hordak’s Bodily Autonomy, or Lack Thereof

How Much of Hordak is “Hordak?”

I’m 99% Certain That Hordak Sucks at Lying Because he Literally Couldn’t

You’d Think Hordak would Think Things Through, But…

Hordak isn’t Really Proud of “Hordak” (with a bonus Adora mention)

Hordak Provides Excellent Fridge Horror

Hordak’s Behavioral Pathology Isn’t Actually Pathology

So! That Purification Ritual was Really Something

Despite Erasure, Hordak Remains Himself

The Clones Are Essentially Trapped By Prime And It Upsets Me

I Get Annoyed That The Clones Aren’t Discussed More By Our Heroes

Again, I Wish The Show Acknowledged The Clones A Bit More, Wrongie Edition

Wouldn’t It Be Swell If Prime Really Did Manage The Clones Like Livestock? 

It’s More Emotionally Poignant That The Clones Are Individuals Rather Than Drones

Prime’s Doctrine Ensures Hordak Blames Himself, and it’s an Awful Control Measure

Hordak Probably Isn’t Dumb for Using Uninsulated Cables; Rather, Clone Sadness is in Play

Why I Can’t See Hordak and the Other Clones As Colonizers (unlike Prime) (also a whole convo thread)

Thinking About Clones and Self-Care

Each Clone Will Have to Realize That They Were Victimized

Wondering if Horde Clones Might Feel Anxious Sleeping Alone

Why Prime Might Encourage Some Autonomy in His Clones (spoilers: for cruelty)

Completely Arbitrary Classification of Clones Post-Prime!

Prime is an Actual God to the Clones and it is Terrifying

Canon Plausibility of Blanket Burritoing Horde Clones!

I Appreciate That, Despite Their Devotion, the Clones are Portrayed as Legitimately Suffering due to Prime

Catra and Adora have Happy Memories; do the Clones?; does Hordak?

Morality/Punishment/Redemption Related

Morality is (sadly) not a Universal Thing

Don’t Talk to me About the Reset as “Proper Punishment”

Why Hordak Doesn’t Just Become a Good Citizen

I Think About Hordak’s Choices a Lot

Hordak as an Abuse Mimic Rather Than Pure Evil

Looking at the Horde Child Soldier Thing From a Certain POV

Emotional Support is a Necessary Part of Healing

Hordak Was Forgiven Without Redemption, And I’m OK With That

Hordak’s Arc Speaks Directly to People who were “Raised Wrong”

I Wonder if Hordak Would See anti-Princess Propaganda as Propaganda

Semi-Intelligent Plot/Story Observations

Hordak’s Portrayal is a Function of Character Lens

Hordak Gets Very Legit Development in Season Four

She-Ra Isn’t a War Drama and Here’s Why

Hordak Suffers From a Distressing Lack of Agency

Hordak is a Weirdly Unenthusiastic Lord

The Season 4 Finale Reframes Hordak’s Vulnerability 

Untangling Hordak’s Backstory in Light of What We Now Know

Why Hordak Getting Possessed is Narratively Good

Hordak’s Rebellion and Subsequent Possession Essentially Summarize His Story

There Are Big Differences Between Hordak and Prime’s Etherian Wars

It Is Pretty Unlikely That Hordak Would Have Pulled The Portal Lever

It Occurred To Me That Hordak May Initially Ignore FO’s Tech Because It’s Just Really Old

An Assessment Of The Villain Intro Cards, Focusing On Hordak

I Think It’s Silly To Blame Hordak For Everything - Especially When Considering Prime

Literally Just a Thread Explaining Why Hordak is Sympathetic

Some Words On Exactly How Terrible DT’s Reveal Was For Hordak

The Escalation of Hordak’s Situation is Really Something

An Anon Asks a Normal Question and I go on a Tangent About Hordak Compensating for his Inability to Innovate via Entrapta and Catra

There are Monumental Differences Between the Galactic and Etherian Hordes in Terms of Brainwashing and Agency

Thinking About Why Chipped Etherians May Not be That Sympathetic To Clones After All

Random Bit of Logicking About Why Hordak Calls the Princesses a Rebellion

Figuring Out Why I Find Hordak So Much More Sympathetic Than The Princesses

Brief Musing on How Hordak Might Face Antagonism From Both Sides Post-Canon

Hordak’s Story Touches on the Concept of the Imperfection of Authority

Someone Asked Me if I Found Hordak’s S5 Arc Satisfying

Discussing Whether Or Not Hordak Planned on Leading Anything After Conquering Etheria

Taking Apart an Abysmal Twitter Take Because It’s Fun

Talking About Prime’s Clone Troops v. Robot Troops

Talking About Hordak’s Emotional Age

Hordak’s S3 Backtory Being Part-Delusion Helps Emphasize the Inequality in Attachment Between the Clones and Prime

A Few Not-So-Nice Acts Hordak Commits That I Find Justifiable

Random Headcanons of All Sorts

Stupidly Cute, Pointless Headcanon #3825 (ears covered)

Stupid Pointlessly Cute Headcanon #4853 (yawning, with appropriate artwork)

Stupid Pointlessly Cute Headcanon #2938 (snoring)

Stupid Pointlessly Cute Headcanon #1423 (REM sleep)

Stupidly Cute, Pointless Headcanon #7845 (blushing)

Random Hordak-Related Thought #2935 (forearms)

I Like to Think That Hordak Does Cute Things in his Sleep

I Like to Think That Hordak’s Eyes Dim While He Sleeps

Literally Me Just Having Emotions

Thinking About the Stress of Maintaining His Image in the Horde

Why Hordak’s Trauma is Particularly Disturbing To Me (compared to Catra/Adora)

Catra Overcomes her Fear of her Abuser; Hordak Does Not

All of my Emotions over the S4 Finale

Hordak’s Goddamned Smirk Lied to Me

I Have Feelings about Hordak’s Enforced Self-Care

I Need Hordak to Know that He is Loved

Hordak Goes Pew Pew and It’s Cute

Watching Hordak Lift Things Makes Me Smile

Hordak’s Unreasonable Expectations Make Me Sad

Please Just Let Hordak Rest

A Sassy Post About People Complaining the Hordak and Catra are Forgiven

All My Words About That Hordak/Adora Scene

Hordak Taps the Asphyxiation Lever With Two Fingers And It Makes Me Happy

I Wonder If Individuality Felt Blasphemous To Hordak

Please Don’t Stab Clones In Their Ports, Thank You

Hordak Clasps His Hands And It Makes Me Anxious

Hordak Shaming Catra Mimics the Purification Room And It’s Disturbing

Watching Hordak Give Up Is Heartbreaking

I Worry About Hordak Handling Anxiety

People Being Considerate of Hordak Makes My Heart Smile

I Wonder If Magic Was Frightening to Hordak at First

Thinking About Hordak Progressing in Terms of Self-Care

Prime Never Calls Hordak by Name, not Even Once

Just Being Sad While Realizing the Sort of Life Hordak had to Look Forward To

Strange Fic-Like Things No One Should Read

Please Consider: A Concept Masterpost

Hordak Practices Eyerolling

Imp Hacks Up The Worst Color of Hairball

[where-s-all-blue]

Okay so I've entered the Alabasta Arc now (I am actually pretty close to the climax in my rererewatch) so here's some thoughts:

Reverse Mountain:

I personally adored the mishaps the crew has on their way to the GrandLine, and the entire reverse mountain is very intriguing to me to this day. One day, I'll figure out just how on earth that thing works.

Laboon's story, tear jerking, absolutely devastating. Luffy being able to talk sense into a WHALE tells all you need about his ability to befriend beings. He also was the first one to hear Laboon, foreshadow for his later on found ability to Hear All Things or Haki?

Whiskey Peaks:

Ahh the time Vivi tried to be a villain. And Mister 9 is an absolute sweetheart. Honestly they made a pretty good team even if neither of them actually knew how fighting works. Personally I would've loved to see more of them, Mister 9 and Miss Monday seemed like interesting characters.

I keep forgetting about Zoro having supersonic speed in these, I kind of miss him just disappearing only to reappear right in middle of the group to mock their reaction of looking at the place he just was sitting on. The speed of him and his ability to momentarily cut through things he later on can't pretty much just tells you that he does have it in him, but it just isn't conscious thing yet. Also unconscious usage of haki spotted?

Vivi being The Vivi Nefertari is one of the more interesting and intense sequences in the pre-timeskip era, even if it takes less time than for example the Arlong Park does and shows just how devastatingly strong both Luffy and Zoro are. I can't believe that these idiots would retort to a fist fight mid battle.

Mister 5's ability is very unhygienic and I'd like to drown him in sanitizer, Miss Valentine needs to be silenced forever, her laughter creeps me out and she honestly doesn't add any value into the conversation. This is a duo I'd like to murder slowly.

Igram blowing up still gets me, the reactions of the characters, the devastated facial expression of Vivi, the sound design, the shocked looks, it's just so well executed.

Vivi's reaction of mixed feelings regarding Miss All Sunday/Robin, albeit just, is very confusing for me. I remember when I met her the first time and all I could think of was "She's a nice person" just based on her facial expression and the words she used.

I forgot that Luffy broke the eternal log pose Robin gave them. Not because he didn't trust her but because the choice Vivi would've been forced to make after the shock of loosing Igram would've been too much. Also because he didn't want anyone to dictate HOW they get there, he's the captain and as such it's his job to make the final decision, he also appears to have been convinced that this way Vivi would be safe.

Little Garden:

Aah, Little Garden, the island I'd simultaneously love and hate. Love because dinosaurs, hate because loud and probably insects large enough to use me as a quick caffeine filled pick-me-up. I might have a problem.

The fact that I can understand the thought process of these giants concerns me greatly. Is this the power of the Monkey Brain?

Mister 3 would be an amazing character if only we could see his self proclaimed genius in action and hear him go through plans etc. I feel like he's just trying to compensate on his lack of battlefield knowledge and experience. Miss Golden Week is highkey a mood and I love her. I, too, want to paint whatever I want and get paid for it.

Zoro actually started to hack through his own leg because he wanted to fight so badly, what a mad lad. Usopp honestly is flexing with his quick thinking and reflexes here. We love that for him. Go you funky little sniper.

Luffy might've used observation haki instinctively in the Mister 3 crowd.

Sanji managing to outright fool Crocodile to believe that he is Mister 3 indicates that Crocodile has never heard the voices of his underlings before and just assuming that the man who answered is Mister 3. The two also apparently have similar sense of humour. That Crocodile is aware of based on what Robin has told him.

Sanji both taking down the Unluckies without any hesitation nor stopping to think about where they came from really tells volumes about him. He also apparently lied so convincingly that Crocodile was 100% sure that it was Mister 3 fighting Luffy and not a chef beating up his long distance murder pets.

Nami was bitten by a bug, which was the carrier of a rare, nearly dead disease. Based on the amount of time one would usually need to wait for the sickness to develop, I'd say that they were about a week on the ocean before Nami developed the fever.

None of the crew members, Vivi included, thought about doing a full body check on her to see if there were any other symptoms than fever, ie her body actively fighting against the infection/sickness. Also her sickness isn't apparently something that spreads, so it's very unlikely for it to be virus based or spread similar to flu.

Drum Island/Sakura Kingdom:

Nami is capable of sensing the weather, and act upon her feelings, under 40C fever. If I have any level of fever, I am rendered near vegetative state until my fever either goes down or raises past certain level. What I'm saying is that Nami is some sort of Goddess or superhero because of being able to do anything with that fever.

Vivi needing to think about whether or not she can afford waiting extra days for being taken to Alabasta or to change the course to find a doctor is one of the stupidest things ever especially since the person who is sick with such a high fever happens to be the navigator.

Warm welcome by residents is warm. And by warm I mean freezingly cold. I can't believe that Luffy thought about yelling to the person before Vivi bowed her head prompting Luffy to do the same (though heavily "encouraged" by Vivi). Vivi saying that Luffy isn't fit to be the captain reflects very strongly her own views and beliefs, but she keeps forgetting something very simple, yet important. Background. She has no idea about Luffy's past nor how he grew up, she hasn't been long enough with the crew to be able to tell just why people follow Luffy, nor is she aware of how he communicates with people. She doesn't realise that when it comes to Luffy, humility isn't a word to describe him with nor that he would be able to set his own pride aside just yet, Luffy is a 17 year old, a mere child, who has just set out on the sea few months ago, who only knows the harshness of the world, where to survive, you must take things with force or be aggressive. She also isn't familiar with Luffy's way of helping others and going all in no matter the situation.

It's interesting to see how from the time Vivi is with them, Luffy is clearly paying attention to how she does things and how she presents herself, the mannerisms and the likes. It's not as clear idolisation and wish for being equal/better than someone as it was with Katakuri's use of haki, but he is striving to learn. If not because he acknowledges how important manners and humility are, but because it makes things easier on certain places. He especially starts to pay more attention to it once Ace joins them.

By the way the sickness Nami is struck with? It's most likely the same as the one that cost the life of Captain Yorkie of the Rumbar Pirates. After all, the ship doctor couldn't heal it, he didn't know how to, he could only prolong his death for a little while, few days max.

Chopper is a joy to have around and I'd physically fight Doctor Kureha at first sight because WOMAN! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ATTACKING YOUR PATIENTS JUST BECAUSE THEY GOT OUT OF THE BED! What if they need to use the restroom. I don't care if you're a youthful 139 year old lady, you can't just do that. Also how the hell are you still able to move that well? Most people I see start to slowly loose their mobility at 60 as their joints are starting to wear out causing pain and their muscle mass is lowering due to the inability to move as much as during their prime.

I am surprised that a reindeer even cares about something like a blue nose. The devilfruit thing? Yeah sure, but not the blue nose. These local reindeer are dicks with human level of obsession to look like the "norm". News flash, there is no default anything. Your appearances are purely dictated by a set of genes that decide to either activate or deactivate as they please without any warning and genes can skip multiple generations. That's why I apparently look identical to my great grandmother.

Nami is kind towards other women and animals. Men not so much, my assumption is that she is carrying a trauma from the Arlong time that she hasn't yet processed and as such she is even now a bit guarded against the rest of the crew.

Hiriluk's character is closer to that of a mad scientist or a very enthusiastic chemist who keeps forgetting that people aren't test subjects. His curiosity and and enthusiasm are something to strive for even if his methods are questionable, all he does want is to bring people sense of hope, wonder and awe. Though I can't help but to wonder about his story. The thief (him) having a serious incurable heart condition and seeing cherry blossoms that cured him. A metaphor for his past self being relentless and uncaring while thieving, but the indescribable beauty of the scenery he saw changed his heart to be more generous and kind?

Hiriluk's death is one of the most important ones in the series if you ask me, it defined Chopper and who he became; Doctor hoping to be capable of curing any disease there is.

[prettymuchdeadalready]

100 Important Character Questions

Here’s looking at you kid, @wexarethewalkingxdead​ !! XD They’ll be below the cut due to length. {{ I despise ‘read mores’ except that it’s so fucking long! XD }}

1OO IMPORTANT CHARACTER QUESTIONS

taken from beth kinderman and nikki walker’s the 100 most important things to know about your character. a good list to help develop a character’s background, personality, and general aspects. 

PART 1: THE BASICS

·         What is your full name? :: Bobby Autumn Monroe

·         Where and when were you born? :: Atlanta, Georgia at Grace Memorial at 4am on a Sunday.

·         Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) :: Maryann JoMarie Monroe (nee Tippins) and Franklin Roosevelt Monroe ;; mama was a stay at home mother who became an addict to opiates and papa was a worker at the mill in Powder Springs, which was a HUGE (in his mind because he always resented it) drive from where they lived on the outskirts of Atlanta in a little cabin home one a sparce patch of land just outside a trailer park beside the woods. Mama was a strong woman who grew weak after nears of being beaten and bloodied by her drunk mean husband; having 3 kids kept her strong to a degree, however, for as long as she could be, trying to keep his attention on her and away from her kids. When she died (Bobby who was the eldest of them by 15 minutes) that all changed; Michael trying to draw the majority of the brutality because he was the boy and his father always was trying to beat on the girls when given little to no reason at all, even.

·         Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? :: Michael Henry Monroe and Katherine Emberlynn Monroe, in chronological order of birth after Bobby. Michael is an EMT on staff with New York Presbyterian Hospital, which is also Columbia University’s training hospital. Katherine is an aspiring actress in the LA area of California.

·         Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. :: Bobby has never left Georgia. The only time she does is when the group moves on after season 4. She doesn’t know why she’s never left before, not even to visit her siblings that left her behind, but she always feels like, as the big sister, it’s her job to maintain a home for them to come back to, should they ever need it.

·         What is your occupation? :: Bobby is an ER nurse with Grace Fulton Memorial Hospital and regularly assists with trauma cases.

·         Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. :: Height is 5’4. (Smol but mighty!) Weight fluctuates from 115 to 120 pounds depending on the time of year and stressors in her life; okay, maybe 124, but not an ounce more! She swears. Bobby is Caucasian American. Hair is an auburn brunet. Eyes are chocolate brown; when she is angry they appear almost amber in tone, and when sexually aroused they usually darken to an almost black. Her fashion sense is usually tomboy, wearing jeans and tee shirts; sometimes a little sporty with tight running pants, spandex or loose shorts, and tank tops. Bobby only has one tattoo that transcends any and all verses she might have: a black rose with three drips of blood on the petals, one at the end nearly ready to drop off, at the small of her back which reminds her of the fragility of life and death and the ever presence of the latter, the pain and struggle symbolized by the blood droplets on the petals. She has a long scar that runs the length of the space between where the band on her bra would rest down to her love handle, on the edge where her side meets her back – given to her by an abusive ex that was just like her father when drunk, only worse because he was legitimately a highly functioning and violently brutal psychopath and burn marks on her upper back/right shoulder blade and left outer thigh from where her father and her ex had their fun using her as an ashtray.

·         To which social class do you belong? :: Middle class. Working class.

·         Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? :: Maryanne had carpal tunnel and severe arthritis in her left arm from it being broken a couple times by her lovely husband. After her mother died Bobby was cooking dinner one night and her father, who had been drinking all evening from end of work until right that moment, picked up his hammer and hit Bobby in the upper left arm twice, hard. She had to wear a cast for two months (part of that time an extension after being thrown against the wall another separate night that shattered the first incarnation of the cast) to heal the broken bone. Thus, sometimes when its too cold she has bouts where her left arm is weak, not able to carry heavy things, and there was minimal nerve damage in the hand as a result which means she can’t always feel too hot, or too cold. This does not impair her job as she isn’t responsible for surgery where the steadiest of hands are needed; thankfully Bobby’s aid in the field is at most a needle and thread for mending/stitches, of which she can do with her dominant hand.

·         Are you right- or left-handed? :: Right handed.

·         What does your voice sound like? :: Natalie Portman.

·         What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? :: Y’all. Jesus Harold Christ on crooked crutches. Jiminy Christmas. Calm down there Satan.

·         What do you have in your pockets? :: A pocket knife with combination of other fold out tools. Mini canister of mace. Car and house keys in some verses. Apocalypse verses she sometimes carries car keys.

·         Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? :: Bobby doesn’t consider anything she does as strange or annoying but just ask one of the people she considers family and he would say she talks too damn much. At least the other man in her life appreciates that she knows how to turn out the lights…

PART 2: GROWING UP

·         How would you describe your childhood in general? :: Stressful. Her days were constantly spent fearing what would happen when daddy got home, what mood would he be in, what would he do, would he just hurt mama or would he come after her and her siblings too…? Bobby grew up worrying about things no child should ever have to worry about or fear.

·         What is your earliest memory? :: Bobby doesn’t know for sure if this is a memory or some part of her subconscious trying to bring her peace, but in the quiet moments when she closes her eyes she can hear her mother’s voice softly singing to her as she’s being held, cradled in safe arms with worn delicate hands gently rubbing her back. “Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night and wouldn’t you love to love her…? Takes to the sky like a bird in flight and…who will be her lover? All your life you’ve never seen a woman…taken by the wind…”

·         How much schooling have you had? :: Bobby went through two years of high school before she was forced to drop out to care for her other siblings and make sure they got the best lives possible. It wasn’t perfect anyway, but she tried. She went back and got her GED when she turned 21. Immediately upon her father dying ( when she turned 19 ) she began putting some money away toward furthering her own education, enrolling in community college once her GED came through. She got a bachelor’s degree in science and biology, and earned certification and licensure as an EMT and trauma nurse.

·         Did you enjoy school? :: Bobby loved school. It was the only thing she could do outside the house that was usually constant and unbreakable, a schedule that the state decided for children and one her father couldn’t stop. This was she could be free of the worries and fears that usually plagued her days and simultaneously learn things about the world at large, all around her and beyond. It was refreshing and awe inspiring.

·         Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? :: Anything she didn’t learn from her mother and her father ( positive or not ) she learned from school and the teachers and children in that environment.

·         While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. :: The only role model Bobby had growing up was her mother, Maryanne. Mama taught her the strength and the tenacity she needed to make it in the world, both in her father’s house, and later.

·         While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? :: Bobby and her mother started as adult to child relationship and then at the end when her mother was dying Bobby became an almost equal to her mother, taking care of her and herself and the siblings she had. Likewise, with her siblings, it was mostly a jovial peer to peer relationship ( and what sibling relationship was complete without the occasional fight and attempted murder ), which eventually merged into a motherly feeling over them, protective of them when their mother passed. Her relationship with her father was always strained, always wary and tumultuous and it only worsened when Maryanne died. He became more possessive of the kids and Bobby feared being raped or sexually abused by him after a time ( she looked more like her mother than Kath did ) as he would get drunk and beat her, yelling things like ‘how dare you leave me’ and ‘I’ll show you something to cry about you weak whore.’ That relationship was strained and haunted until the day he died.

·         As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? :: She wanted to be an astronaut or a pirate. Anything that could take her far far away from where she was and keep her safe, eventually far enough to make her happy in life.

·         As a child, what were your favorite activities? :: Anything Bobby could do outside the house. She spent AGES outside in the woods, roaming with nowhere in her mind to go in particular; she could sit on a stump deep in the sea of green and just space out, let her mind wander for hours. She would try to fish. She made friends with small woodland creatures like something out of a Disney film. She sometimes sat alone out there all night, looking up into the moon under a blanket of stars and a bed made of fallen leaves and long grass.

·         As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? :: As a child, Bobby was pretty devoid of personality; at least when she was at home. At home and when she was alone she was quiet, too quiet. A mousy brown haired brown eyed little girl with nothing to say and who would lay low on purpose, anything not to catch her father’s attention. Outside of the house she often put on a brave face, smiling and laughing and acting like nothing was wrong. Sometimes she could even forget that she was a victim of domestic violence and forget her usual invisible act, coming out of herself and being herself, talkative ( almost too much talking for some ) and bright. Her light shines bright from within her and her strength and perseverance really show in her eyes.

·         As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? :: Bobby was not a popular kid at school. She often sat alone or with her siblings. Even the losers didn’t want to sit with them because everyone knew what the Monroe home life was like and who their father was, what he did to them and their mother. No one would claim them as friends, at least not outwardly or in public.

·         When and with whom was your first kiss? :: Daniel Dunn was her first kiss in most all her verses. He was a messed up kid, a psychopath that was highly functioning and much too sadistic, even as far as most psychopaths are concerned. He used her and abused her for most of her young adult years, as her father had her mother. ( What was it they said about emulating what you saw as a child and being doomed to repeat it…? ) In one of her verses she has known Daryl Dixon all of her life and he is her first kiss…her first everything.

·         Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? :: Same as the question above to be honest. Most of her verses features Daniel Dunn in that role, as fucked up and cruel as that is, and in the one it’s Daryl Dixon.

·         If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. :: Bobby was definitely informed by her childhood and her mother’s and father’s relationship as far as what kind of person she wanted to become. She would consciously always pick a path that led her to be her mother, kind and sweet and a pure heart with passion despite being regularly beaten down and broken by outside influences because of her goodness. She was also inspired to become a trauma nurse thanks to all the times she had to help fix up her mom, her siblings and herself over the years, some of the things she’d come into schooling being self-taught after a bad couple of nights.

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

·         What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? :: The night Dan almost killed her and she survived, barely, to be present and the star witness at the trial that would send him to prison for at least 20 years for attempted premeditated murder. And every so many years when probation is brought before the review board, release for good behavior, she makes sure she’s available to speak. She even takes the day off work to make sure she can go down and make herself and her story with him heard.

·         Who has had the most influence on you? :: Mama.

·         What do you consider your greatest achievement? :: Bouncing back from being a high school dropout ( even though her reasoning was perfectly acceptable and understandable ), getting her GED and her degrees. Putting herself first. Finally.

·         What is your greatest regret? :: Bobby blames herself for her mother’s death. Obviously her mother became addicted to opioids and died of an aortic rupture, which were things no little girl could have realistically been able to help or prevent. Nonetheless she thinks, and has believed all her life that maybe she wasn’t strong enough to help her mother through the worst of their lives, to survive past it and watch her babies grow up and succeed in the way their mama had always wanted and hoped.

·         What is the most evil thing you have ever done? :: Bobby pulled the wings off a fly once. Another time she pulled the back legs off of a grasshopper. It was, in her mind ( at least as a pretense ) all for science, but some psychologists and therapists might think otherwise.

·         Do you have a criminal record of any kind? :: Bobby has gotten arrested a couple times, all for misdemeanor things like stealing a candy bar from a convenience store and for indecent exposure in her small town when she was caught with her pants down around the bend, side of the road, peeing in the brush while drunk.

·         When was the time you were the most frightened? :: Bobby was frightened to the same extent twice in her life. The first when her mother was being beaten for the last time ( which was also the night she died ) and when Bobby herself was being beaten and broken and nearly killed by Dan.

·         What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? :: When she was 15 ( which is not a legal age of consent and no, I do not condone anything happening to minors, this is just FICTION ) she was being diddled by Dan in the back seat of his car ( he was older than she was by 2 years as well ) when she opened her eyes to find the window down and a couple of Dan’s older friends jerking themselves off to what Dan was doing to her, turning her on and playing with her. She immediately wanted to stop and thankfully there were other people walking by when she started screaming or she most likely would have been forced to continue against her will. It was both embarrassing for her and equally as dangerous and twisted a situation.

·         If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? :: Bobby often wishes she was older and stronger than she was when her mother died. She wants to be able to go back and take her siblings out of that environment altogether. She wants to have been able to maybe even save her mother.

·         What is your best memory? :: The ones alone in the woods. Anything where the woodlands creatures accepted her as a part of their world, knowing inherently she wouldn’t hurt them.

·         What is your worst memory? :: The way her mother died, in her arms, at home. There were no police and no ambulance until it was too late to save her, much too late.

PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

·         Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? :: Optimistic.

·         What is your greatest fear? :: Being powerless and out of control of her own life.

·         What are your religious views? :: She’s spiritual but does not ascribe to any one particular religious sect or view. She tends to take a little of this and a little of that from various religions, whatever she feels she can identify with in the moment and incorporate into her lifestyle.

·         What are your political views? :: Progressive Liberal Independent.

·         What are your views on sex? :: The more the better. Well, provided it’s the right person and it’s consensual. Also, sometimes a little kinky if she trusts the person she’s with implicitly.

·         Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? :: In any verses where the apocalypse doesn’t exist ( or not yet ) she could only kill if it was someone threatening her life or the lives of her family/spouse/kids. In the apocalypse, she begins just as they all did, saying they would never kill the living, then only if she had to, and progressing until doing it regularly because she had to and there were rarely other options. Not to say there are moments when she should kill and doesn’t, for one reason or another, but she makes sure to weigh the call. Taking a life, being a healer as she is and continues to be, isn’t an easy call to make.

·         In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? :: To abuse physically, emotionally, mentally, and/or sexually a child. To Bobby that is the most reprehensible crime.

·         Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? :: Yes.

·         What do you believe makes a successful life? :: The impact one has on the world around them, whoever or whatever they touch/influence. What a person leaves behind, their legacy.

·         How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? :: Bobby is pretty honest about her feelings now, almost to a detriment. She’s brutally honest about thoughts and feelings and has been pretty intense in all aspects of her life since her father died and set her free from the binds of her past.

·         Do you have any biases or prejudices? :: Bobby has biases against rapists and child molesters, child abusers and domestic violence offenders. Really, she feels as though anyone who breaks the law for more than stealing some food ( if a person is desperate to eat or feed their family ) they should do the time applicable to the crime.

·         Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? :: Bobby doesn’t like to lie. She won’t do it. If asked to lie she will retreat from the conflict altogether, saying nothing to either party. If asked for the truth, therefore, she would have to tell the truth. Her replies at being asked to lie always include some formulation of ‘if you want to propagate lies and slander then do it in your name.’ Her refusal stems from years of her mother and her family lying to the authorities, to medical professionals, to the world about what they went through at her father’s hands. ( Whether they knew or not otherwise wasn’t the point. )

·         Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? :: Family and friends that have become family. Her spouse, her partner, the person she’s chosen to spend the rest of her life with. Her children, adopted or natural, blood or not.

PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

·         In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? :: Bobby is always guided by the other person. She will usually begin friendly and polite, if a bit wary and gruff depending on the circumstances. It always depends on the first impression and expression of the other person how she reacts and treats them from there, forward. Sometimes a rude or dislike situation can be changed over time if both parties work toward making it positive or a catalyst turns the dynamic around. Likewise, if someone starts off friendly with her it can turn to dislike and even hatred if given the right cataclysm. She read this quote once that she lives by : ‘if you feel it necessary to judge me by my past, don’t be surprised when I put you in it.’ Most often, however, if a person is able to get past all the walls she’s built over time against being hurt viscerally by someone intimately, they’re in her heart and they’re usually there for good.

·         Who is the most important person in your life, and why? :: It depends on the verse. Sometimes all she has left are her brother and sister. Other verses are dependent on her family/attachments/spouses/significant others. Rick, Shane, Daryl, Charley, etc. Family is important to Bobby, especially at the end of the world. Her children are first and foremost the most important people in her life in the verses in which she has them.

·         Who is the person you respect the most, and why? :: Carol. No matter what verse is concerned, this holds true. She sees a lot of her mother in Carol. A lot of the same strengths and hopes and dreams that have been tramped down by a man with a heavy hand and an awfully small constitution. Of all the people Bobby has the pleasure to meet in all her travels and all her realities, Carol is the one person she loves and supports and looks up to the most.

·         Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people. :: Bobby has very few friends in the real world. As stated before she was never a popular kid growing up and only got any recognition for her beauty by boys or girls with one thing on the mind. The only people she considers as true friends she made after the world as she knew it already ended. Carol. Daryl. Rick. Shane. Maggie. Glenn. Enid. King Ezekiel. Jerry. Jesus. Aaron. Etc. The only exception to this is the verse where she’s known Daryl all her life; in that case she’s always had him. He is her best friend. And her cat, Patches, a gray and white tabby cat with darker gray almost black ears, definitely constitutes as a best friend.

·         Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person. :: Daryl – nickname Tracker; annoyed and frustrated with how much she talks but loves her for it anyway and finds it kind of endearing despite himself; afraid of intimacy in the same way that she is and was and what makes them a good fit is their willingness now to grow together solely with one another; can’t live with her and can’t live without her; hillbilly grump with the most honest, pure, innocent heart of anyone she knows. Shane – nickname Deputy; knows who the real boss of the house is; is probably afraid of Bobby…maybe…like a lot; strong willed, passionate, and has an easy anger reflex; they fight a lot about the silliest things but it always come back to love; the thing he probably loves the most about her is that she knows how to turn the damn lights off. Rick – no nickname as yet; he really stepped into the leader role over the time they’ve known each other; Bobby never expected to follow him as closely as she does now; they don’t always agree but they rarely actually fight; he’s the epitome of calm and problem solving in dire situations; he’d walk through Hell and all its fire for her and his kids and probably everyone else he cares for and that’s the one thing she loves the most above all else about him. Mac – nickname Cupcake; strictly a fanfiction/headcanon ship at this point; used to ship this pairing exclusively with macxtheanimal way back when; a meth head, rapist, murderer, criminal, muscle and enforcer for his father’s crystal meth operation; he’s a villain that makes no apologies for his actions but she can see the broken little boy in him, abandoned by his mother so long ago to his father’s lifestyle; kept her hostage as a sex slave for a long time until they had an intimate exchange one night and she whispered to him that she just wanted to be free to make the choice; he let her go, saying she was free and he knew she’d always leave because they all did if given a chance; she stayed. {{ All are subject to change based on verse or partner writing this with us. Mostly these listings as spouses or SO’s are exclusive right now to wexarethewalkingxdead and macxtheanimal. }}

·         Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. :: She’s only been in love a couple times in her life. ( Verse dependent. ) It almost always ends in pain and suffering for her, be it physically or emotionally, but there are a few over the verses/years that she’s found true happiness with.

·         What do you look for in a potential lover? :: Connection. Chemistry. Sexy/pretty eyes. Rough pads of their hands and they have to be steady and firm. Stable.

·         How close are you to your family? :: Bobby and her siblings are VERY close, even though they don’t live in the same place anymore. Sometimes herself and her sister Kath haven’t always been as close as they should have been. Those moments are almost always based on imagined slights of some kind because Bobby is and always has been an outspoken person; she never sugar coats things that should be communicated. It follows in the same vein as her always being truthful. Hence, sometimes hurt feelings. Bobby and the people she’s come to think of as family are likewise, VERY close with these same issues of hurt feelings now and again, resulting mostly in a short time of silence or avoidance between the parties.

·         Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? :: This is dependent on her verses. In some she does make a family with someone special. In others she hasn’t, whether because she hasn’t found that someone yet or because she’s afraid of finding a man like her father and subjecting herself to the same life her mother lived prior to her death – not to mention subjecting any children they might have to that lifestyle.

·         Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? :: Bobby would turn to her siblings first, provided it was something they could solve realistically. If they aren’t available or they can’t fix it because they live out of state, etc, the next stop would be her chosen family, friends she’s made along the way that would go the extra mile for her, and she for them.

·         Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? :: Very few people and they have to prove themselves to her with their deeds, not just words and promises coming off lips and tongues that have lied so many times they probably don’t even know they’re doing it anymore.

·         If you died or went missing, who would miss you? :: Her family ( her brother and sister ) have been living in different states from her for quite a few years now but that doesn’t mean they’ve become distant. They would definitely miss her. Also any of the family she’s made in the apocalypse. Obviously this is verse dependent.

·         Who is the person you despise the most, and why? :: Actually, I think Bobby despises her mother the most of anyone she’s ever known in her life. It’s a very complicated relationship. Bobby still loves her mother; while she was alive she was the only kindness Bobby and her siblings knew. She was strong and endured a lot but that same strength could also be considered weakness. Why couldn’t she have left their father? Why couldn’t she have taken them away and made a go of it on their own? Maybe she’d be alive today. Maybe a lot of things. So Bobby is constantly fighting with love and hate for the woman that bore her.

·         Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? :: Bobby has a good sense for whatever a situation calls for, usually. In most circumstances she will listen and hear someone out before saying her piece. But she is southern and strong willed, a stiff backbone, and sometimes the outrage comes dripping off her teeth like venom before she can stave them off. In moments when she can’t be smart and hold her tongue, and even when she does, Bobby is a woman who is definitely not afraid of conflict if she feels the situation calls for it.

·         Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? :: Bobby is strong enough to take the weight of the world on her shoulders. It certainly depends on what the situation is, but in the case of her primary verse – in the Walker apocalypse – she doesn’t hold back. As a healer, a nurse, she will absolutely take on a leadership role if one is needed. If another leader is present, and she respects that person, they will only gain support from her; likewise, if they do not have her respect, all they will get it push-back until they either utilize her and her ideas to their potential or she potentially replaces them as the leader. She’s very strong but she is versatile. She knows when to step back and let things shake loose.

·         Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? :: Bobby has always been a little bit of a loner. She’d personable but she also likes her alone time. As previously discussed, there wasn’t a lot of silent time in her home and she much rather would have been somewhere alone with her thoughts instead of lined up ready to catch a beating. Large crowds do tend to make her a little anxious. She’d much rather only deal with a few people at a time.

·         Do you care what others think of you? :: Bobby does care what other people thing of her, to an extent. She doesn’t dwell on it, however, and if there are ever opinions that are misconstrued or wrong she will make sure not to ever think on those things again. The only thing that usually can get to Bobby is when people she loves and is devoted to make comments to her that can be considered derogatory or hurtful, judging.

PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES

·         What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? :: Hiking and taking walks in the lush green forests. Photography. Reading. Her grandma taught her mother how to sew and thus, taught Bobby enough to get by; those nursing lessons on stitching wounds up didn’t hurt either.

·         What is your most treasured possession? :: Patches. He is a grey and white tabby cat with dubious bloodline origin with black ears. She’s had him with her for a long time and she’d walk through fire for him if she had to.

·         What is your favorite color? :: Blue.

·         What is your favorite food? :: Seafood boil.

·         What, if anything, do you like to read? :: Bobby is an always will be a fan of anything she can get her hands on. She does go through moods, however, devoted to certain genres over the others. Predominantly she reads works of fiction about murder and crime, who done its and thrillers. Horror novels are a must as well. A favorite series of hers is the By The Numbers novels about Stephanie Plum and her life fumble bumbling through the Bounty Hunter business by Janet Evanovich. Romance novels, unless well written with a predominant plot encompassing one of the aforementioned genres, can go suck lemons!

·         What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? :: Bobby is mostly a music person. Movies are fine and television can captivate her attention if its done well but there’s nothing better than putting in a CD, or plugging her headphones into her phone’s jack and playing some tunes on the digital frequency. It sets the mood, no matter what that mood is, 100% of the time.

·         Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? :: Bobby used to smoke. It was something to do with her hands and a nervous tick that she adopted mostly in crowded groups of people to help calm her nerves in those situations. Social smoking. Whether or not she still does it verse dependent. Bobby also drinks alcoholic beverages but within reason and rarely ever to excess.

·         How do you spend a typical Saturday night? :: In the apocalypse there is a lot to do, all of the time. There’s never a dull moment. Saturdays are usually reserved for whatever needs doing that wasn’t done the day before, as well as making time for family and friends trying to reclaim what was stolen from them by the world as it exists now. In the other verses where the world is normal, Saturdays are usually reserved for family time, the park, the zoo, barbecues with family and friends, etc. On the rare occasion work comes calling – she is an emergency room nurse – she will sometimes go in. And sometimes not.

·         What makes you laugh? :: Stupid jokes, dad jokes, horrible puns. Her husband. Her kids. New airings and reruns of America’s Funniest Home Videos.

·         What, if anything, shocks or offends you? :: Racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, slurs and swear words used in conjunction with said slurs and behavior, etc. Anything that could be considered along the same vein by small minded people who are afraid of anything they don’t know and haven’t bothered to become educated about/in.

·         What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? :: Insomnia does sometimes strike. It happens in those moments when something exceptionally traumatic happens at work or there happens to be a scare with her husband, kids, or siblings/family, those moments when she’s in the dark of the night, sometimes alone, with her own thoughts and fears. Sometimes there is no amusing herself. Sometimes she has to talk herself down off a very high ledge. Sometimes she has to wake up her significant other ( if present ) just to know they’re there, they’re alive. Sometimes the heartbeat and the steady breathing isn’t enough.

·         How do you deal with stress? :: Bobby reads. She keeps her hands busy cooking, cleaning, and caring for her family. Killing Walkers in the apocalypse, keeping a tight perimeter. Yoga and pilates in the verses where the world hasn’t changed.

·         Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? :: Bobby is usually a very plan oriented person. She’s learned over the years that the only way to be is concerned, vigilant, if a bit controlling. That isn’t to say that she’s a control freak, but she does have strong opinions and will be heard on them. She wishes she was more spontaneous and sometimes makes attempts to purposely exit her comfort zone in certain situations she deems it appropriate, such as her sex life, dates, etc.

·         What are your pet peeves? :: People who can’t follow directions or laws of an ordered society. People who lie or steal unless circumstances are such that would overwrite the negative or somehow make an allowance for it. People who judge others or presume to tell other people their business when they don’t even have their lives together.

PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

·         Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? :: Regardless of what her work schedule works like ( days or evenings ) Bobby gets up around 5 a.m. daily. She makes coffee through the slits of her eyelids. She then returns to the bathroom where she showers and brushes her teeth. By that time she usually is ready to start breakfast for herself and whoever else is present. Morning shifts she works until 3 p.m. She will usually run any errands she has to do at that time before coming home and making dinner. Night shifts she works until 11 p.m. doing the errands and prepping dinner before leaving for the night for her shift. If her routine happens to be interrupted or subverted in any way, she usually gets a little perturbed, might make a dramatic comment about everything being a mess, and carrying on with things as best as she can.

·         What is your greatest strength as a person? :: Her heart and her generosity. It helped her overcome a lot of odds that were stacked against her from the beginning.

·         What is your greatest weakness? :: Her heart. Sometimes she’s loyal to a fault even though the people she let inside of it use her and abuse her. Also her stubborn as a mule attitude and her stiff backbone. When she’s made up her mind there’s very precious little that can change it.

·         If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? :: How her past shaped her to be numb and emotionless in certain situations that require feeling. She doesn’t always respond in the right ways to tragedy or loss. Sometimes not responding at all. It’s a more calloused wounded part of herself she wished she didn’t have.

·         Are you generally introverted or extroverted? :: Generally extroverted but in small doses. Large gatherings or venues kept to a minimum.

·         Are you generally organized or messy? :: Organized.

·         Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. :: Good – 1) Problem solving, 2) Nursing/healing, 3) Being a wife and mother. Bad – 1) Spontaneity, 2) Letting go, 3) Cleaning vomit.

·         Do you like yourself? :: Yes. For the most part.

·         What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…) :: It’s a choice you make. When things get difficult, what kind of person would you want to be? If a child cries in the dark, scared, alone; would you help them? Or would you turn away? Tell yourself it’s not your concern. If a mother and father are fighting for their child’s life as the child is being physically removed from their arms, wounded, killed before them. Would you intervene if you could? Or turn your back? Would you do everything you could because you have the ability, because you have the choice or do you do nothing, make the choice not to, and perhaps blood be on your hands…? It’s a choice she makes every day to do better, to be someone she could be proud of, that her family would remember and be proud of long after she was gone. Her sacrifice, if needed, would not be in vane.

·         What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? :: Leave the world a little better than she found it.

·         Where do you see yourself in 5 years? :: She can’t say. She hopes to be alive and well, actually living a life and happy within its confines. But she knows that may never come. Not even tomorrow is guaranteed…

·         If you could choose, how would you want to die? :: Old and grey in her sleep. In the apocalypse, if she could choose and she was bitten/injured beyond the ability to be healed, she would want to shoot herself in the head before changing. She wouldn’t want to leave it for any of her loved ones to do; she doesn’t want that burden to be on their soul.

·         If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. :: 1) Write little notes or letters to those she loved who would miss her and feel her loss the most. 2) Love on and spend a lot of time with the children, 3) Clean, load, cock and ready her gun and wait.

·         What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? :: Her kindness. How many people she helped. How far out of her way she sometimes went to make that happen.

·         What three words best describe your personality? :: Brave, Generous, and Loyal

·         What three words would others probably use to describe you? :: Bold, Daring, and Realistic

·         If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice…) :: Bobby. You are without a doubt the biggest pain in my ass, second only to Shane and Daryl. You are the most generous, kind, loyal person I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. You’re also one of the most stubborn. A word of advice might be you think too much. You plan and you organize and you get shit done. I get it. But sometimes, you’re a little too extra. Learn what it’s like to be a girl. Let your hair down more. Unscrew the dick sometimes. It’s fun being a girl. And I know that you know that but you’re too afraid to lose control because you think if you do you’ll lose everything good you ever had. And I know it’s because you don’t think you deserve all the good you have received over the years. You’re beauty. You’re grace. You’re the kind of person I wish I could be sometimes; but you need to be a little less afraid of what you could lose and more willing to risk it all. A man in my life asked me once if a moment of happiness was worth a lifetime of anything else. And the answer is yes.

[tailahjanbash]

The Christian, Mental Illness, and The Cure

Mental health has been a topic that has been circulating around culture and around the church a lot in 2019.

As a girl, I struggled with an eating disorder. I had anorexia for about a year. I weighed around 95 pounds, and hardly ate anything. I remember feeling ugly, worthless, and trapped inside a body I hated. The thing was, I had been a Christian my entire life. I knew Jesus loved me, I loved him back, and I knew that he healed people… but I never personally invited him into my mess. As a result, I suffered from mental illness.

I vividly remember being in a worship service, lifting my hands and surrendering every area of my life and pain to Jesus. In that moment, I physically felt weights being lifted off of me, and I knew my eating disorder was gone. I didn’t know it at the time, but The Lord had cast an oppressive spirit out of me.

As Christians, it’s absolutely possible to go to church every week, know all the stories, believe and still. be. oppressed.

So why are there so many Christians tormented by mental illness, if Jesus already conquered every sin, death, and disease?

Some people might argue that it is because we live in a fallen world. There will always be pain and sometimes we just have to suffer. But this completely undermines scripture and the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross. When we come into agreement with our mental illness or pain, we are saying “Jesus, you died for me so I could get into heaven, but your sacrifice wasn’t powerful enough to take away the pain of this world.”

Yes, we live in a fallen world. Yes, life is going to be hard. Will we face difficulties? Absolutely. But we are promised that we will overcome, because the true word of God says:

The Lord will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before you. They shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways. Deuteronomy 28:7

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. John 10:10

But the question still remains:

Why are there so many Christians tormented by mental illness, if Jesus already conquered sickness and death?

There are three common reasons that I have found:

1. We are not empowered by the Holy Spirit – We talk so much about God the Father and King Jesus, but the third part of the God Head is often overlooked in the contemporary church. The Holy Spirit. He is a person and he is a gift. The Holy Spirit empowers us, strengthens us, and delivers us from sin. We are instructed to undergo two baptisms—water baptism, then baptism of The Holy Spirit (Luke 3:16). That means simply praying and inviting the Holy Spirit to come and fill you.  It is impossible to live the Christian life fully when we are apart from the power and the presence of the Holy Spirit.

You will know when you have been baptized in the Holy Spirit because you will be filled with new power. You will be able to operate in the spiritual gifts that the bible describes in 2 Corinthians 14, you will have the power to be able to live in freedom, and to command the Enemy to leave. You will begin to develop the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) and hear God’s voice.

If your relationship with God feels dry, powerless, or stagnant, that is a good indicator that you are in need of the Holy Spirit. It is also important to note that being baptized and filled with the Holy Spirit is NOT a one-time thing like water baptism can be. There is the initial asking/baptism experience with Him, but we have to continuously be filled with the Holy Spirit. This means asking the Him to fill you daily.

2. We are uneducated about deliverance. Deliverance ministry is a ministry of the church that concentrates on spiritual freedom. When we study scripture, we learn that there are demons, they constantly work to oppress humanity, and that we must be on our guard, ready to fight and conquer the schemes of Satan. (Ephesians 6:12, 1 Cor 16:13-14).

Deliverance ministry often happens when the afflicted person takes a step back from their situation and realizes that they cannot keep living this way. The oppressed Christian realizes they need rescuing from compulsive sins or behaviors they cannot stop committing or have little control over, such as alcoholism or a drug addiction.

In my case in 2017, I was horribly tormented by anxiety. I reached a point where I could not take it anymore. I had panic attacks every single day and tried taking supplements and different forms of “self-care” remedies. They did not work.

I finally went to my spiritual mentor and told her that I had been ridden with deep anxiety for months.We prayed together and a demonic spirit of anxiety left my body. Since that day, I have not had panic attacks and am no longer bound to anxiety. I have total and complete healing from that mental illness.

Many times, especially when someone initially goes through deliverance, it looks like what I did–partnering with a spiritual leader or mentor who is filled and empowered by the Holy Spirit and breaking off demonic strongholds by the power of prayer. Deliverance is a serious step towards freedom, and those seeking it should be fully accepting of the lordship of Jesus in their life and ready to turn away from their sin.

3. We do not take authority over the enemy. A lot of Christians pray, plead, and hope that God will someday take their illness away instead of standing ground and taking authority over the spirits attacking their mind. This of course, comes after deliverance once that bondage has been broken and you have freed yourself from the oppressive spirits.

Imagine your teacher gives you an assignment to complete. She has given you all of the instructions on how to complete the project, but you refuse to read the directions and instead have a melt down and send her countless emails begging her to complete the assignment for you. Is your teacher going to do that? Doubtful.

Why do we do that with God? We refuse to read our bibles—the instructions for how to live a free and whole life—then beg him to take away our torment. Will he do it? If you wish and hope and pray, I mean He’s God… He can. But if you continue to sit back and let the enemy bully you, you will never grow in your faith. When we refuse to learn spiritual warfare, we live a life of spiritual immaturity and compromise—you will survive but never be able to thrive. You will be powerless over every wave the enemy throws at you and be swallowed up in torment.

The good news is, that is not what God has intended for your story.

The bible tells us to take every thought captive (2 Cor 10:15). We are to call out those invasive, compulsive, and negative thoughts and cast them back into the pit of hell where they belong.

Christians must understand that their identity is royal because they are a child of God and are not subject to any kind of torment from the kingdom of darkness.

You have all authority and power over the enemy because the king of kings lives inside of you.  When we don’t know our identity in Christ and who He says we are, we allow darkness to push us around.

    Part 2: Examples from the Bible

Pastor and theologian Neil T. Anderson writes, “Christians who think demons were active when Christ was on earth, but their activity has subsided are not embracing the whole counsel of God in light of what His word says, nor are they facing reality.”

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:10-12

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

If demonic forces are not actively trying to oppress believers, why would Paul instruct us to wear the armor of God and continuously fight against our enemies?

Now that we have established that there are spirits, the bible continues to go into even more details about the kinds of spirits that attempt to torment us.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7

We see from this verse that fear/anxiety is not simply a chemical imbalance, but a spirit. Does your body have a physical reaction to the Spiritual climate? Absolutely. That is why psychologists can only tell you what is happening in your body once that anxiety enters. It cannot explain how or why anxiety got there. A Harvard Medical article stated, “Nerve cell connections, nerve cell growth, and the functioning of nerve circuits have a major impact on depression. Still, their understanding of the neurological underpinnings of mood is incomplete.”

Neurological scans and doctors can only tell you the physiological affects that mental illness, in this case depression, can cause you. Their best guess is either the mental illness was passed down genetically, or that it is the aftermath of trauma.

Can I tell you something, friends? We are not just bodies. You are a complex being, made up of a spirit that God breathed into, a soul that contains your will and emotions, and a physical body. All of these work together and affect one another. They are not separated but work together and make up YOU!

Scripture tell us that generational curses are the cause of illnesses passed down throughout our families, and that they are not only physical but spiritual (Exodus 34:7) . They can be broken by the power of Christ through deliverance, and we can receive total and complete healing. This doesn’t sound like science and faith bumping heads, but actually explaining one another!

When you really think about it, it makes so much sense. They work together because He is the author and creator of our body, spirit, soul and science.

If we write off what the bible says about mental illness because it wasn’t around when modern medicine was, then we are undermining Gods word and authority. We are picking and choosing aspects of the bible to believe and parts to throw away. When we do this, we are saying that the bible is not truth, but just good teaching that we can pick and choose where to apply and where to ignore. In other words, it is being your own god.

The Bible does not shy away from talking about mental illness, so the church shouldn’t either.

Scripture actually tell us not to be afraid 365 times! One for every day of the year. Jesus even tells us not to be anxious about our lives! (Matthew 6:25-34)

If we are instructed not to be anxious, but instead to cast out fear, then this means that we have dominion over it!

The bible even goes beyond depression and anxiety—it discusses insanity, confusion, madness, epilepsy, self-harm, and suicide. These are only a few references that I could find quickly.  The scriptures do not tell us that these people only had medical issues, but spiritual ones, and that these mental illnesses came from unclean spirits, or demons. Ref: Isa 61:3, 2 Tim 1:7, 1 Sam 16:14, Matt 4:24, Mark 5:5

Throughout the gospels of Jesus, multitudes of mentally and physically ill people were brought to Jesus and he rebuked demons out of them. We see this in the cases of epilepsy, Tourette’s, self-harm, even crippled people were physically healed by Jesus simply rebuking a spirit out of them. From this we learn that demons can cause mental and physical illness. Do they cause every single form? No, some people that were brought to Jesus were just sick. But the same resolution was found every time a sick person, mental or physical, was brought to Jesus: he healed them.

And that same healing is available to you through Jesus.

The Young Boy With Epilepsy (Matthew 17:14-20)

And when they came to the crowd, a man came up to him and, kneeling before him, said, “Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is an epileptic and he suffers terribly. For often he falls into the fire, and often into the water. And I brought him to your disciples, and they could not heal him.” And Jesus answered, “O faithless and twisted generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him here to me.” And Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of him, and the boy was healed instantly.

Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?” He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

There is SO much to unpack here, we don’t have time to get into all of it. But BELIEVING for the healing is what caused this young man to be healed of his mental illness. The disciples all followed and loved Jesus, but they did not have any faith that he could cure the young man from epilepsy! Jesus then rebukes his followers and calls their generation perverse because they didn’t believe he could cure the disease.

So often, we are the disciples in this story. There was a season of my life where I was overwhelmed with severe depression. During those days, the darkness felt more real than the presence of God. It wasn’t until I cast out that spirit of heaviness that l could see that I was believing the lies it fed me: My sorrow was too great for God to take away. That I was unlovable and meant to be alone. That God hated me, and my depression was punishment for being a bad daughter.

What lies have you adopted?

We must see through the lies of the enemy, even when our emotions and mental state seem so out of control and wounded. People are in bondage to the lies they believe, which is why we must reject every statement about ourselves that does not align with scripture. We do this by reading the word and learning about who he says we are.

This is why Jesus says, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

I do want to bring up medication briefly, because I know there will be questions and people will probably make inaccurate assumptions.

I am not telling anyone to go to their kitchen and dump out their medicine or neglect what their physicians have told them. Doctors, medicine, and therapists can be wonderful help, but they are not the hope.

In the words of pastor Henry Seeley, “I’m not here to give you medical advice. But I believe that God has more for you than just spending the rest of your life dependent on medication. Medication might take a season, and that’s okay, that could be part of the journey for some of you. But if I went to the doctor, and the doctor told me there was something wrong and I need to take Tylenol every day for the rest of my life, I would question what that kind of advice that is. Because that is acknowledging that something is wrong, but rather than fixing what is wrong, we are just going to cover it up so you can cope for the rest of your life.”

Part 3: Walking In Freedom

What does it look like to practically walk out everything we just discussed?

We must be filled with the Holy Spirit daily

We should seek deliverance and spiritual freedom if we notice there are areas in our lives that are not submitted to and ruled by The Lord Jesus.

We must put on the armor of God daily (Ephesians 6)

We should spend time daily reading the bible, worshipping, and praying in the presence of God.

We must stand firm, speak scripture over ourselves, and pray against the enemy when the attacks come.

All of these steps can be accomplished by having a healthy and vibrant prayer life. The more time you spend talking with God the more truths he will reveal to you about the journey you are on.

One of the pastors at our church said something profound the other day. He said, “The dark places where the church doesn’t go and spread the gospel, will come to infiltrate the church.”

I heard the Holy Spirit say, “That is what has happened to my church with mental illness.”

My heart broke when I heard that. And I began to work on this blog post.

As the church, we must be vigilant followers of Jesus who do not conform to the thinking patterns of our culture and society. We must take the narrative back and view contemporary issues through the lens of the one we are following, who IS truth.

Our world is so starved of the truth right now—we are constantly lied to in news, media, politics, and religion. We cannot follow the world and choose to be our own source of truth. We have seen where this has gotten our world. Mental illnesses, addictions, racism, divorce rates, murders, suicides, and terror attacks have continued to rise. People are lost and in despair because they do not know healing is available to them. What is the church going to do about it?

Are we too busy bickering about if mental health is a spiritual issue? The differences between doctrines? We have the answer, we have the healing, we have wholeness because we have Jesus.

His sacrifice was so powerful, it erased sin, death, sickness, and disease. When Jesus rose from the dead, it was so you didn’t have to cope and live with mental illness. He overcame it so you could have life to the full!

If you are still waiting for the healing, then it is for a reason and that reason will be revealed in His perfect timing. But hear me when I say, the healing will come as long as we seek Him and seek spiritual freedom.

It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s not okay to stay there. We have a hope greater than and outside of medicine, doctors, or a diagnosis. We have Jesus.

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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/full-moon-in-leoremember-we-are-the-wayshowers/

Full Moon in Leo~Remember We Are the Wayshowers

Full Moon in Leo~Remember We Are the Wayshowers

By Michael Lennox

The Full Moon takes place at the very end of today in the Pacific time zone; at 11:32pm at 20-degrees of Leo. In the Leo/Aquarius polarity, we are seeking to integrate what is good for ourselves with what is needed by the community. Leo invented self-love, which is different than self-care, a Cancer invention. In the Aquarius mansion, it is all about what is best for the world around you. Leo is where we learn sovereignty for our sense of Self, and where we organically fall into leadership, but this Full Moon asks us to integrate these two perspectives. Personal leadership on the one hand; communal cooperation on the other.

Full Moons are always about gratitude and release, and Leo, through his love of the joyful elements of being embodied, is the archetype that invented gratitude in the first place. On the release side of this mechanism, this is a great lunation in which to consider what you need to drop by the side of the road in order to more fully serve the community in which you dwell. Right now, things on the planet are heating up, and the world-gone-mad isn’t backing down. It has never been more important to be in the world, but not of it. A truly herculean challenge made even more difficult in this Full Moon because of an interesting and powerful thread that is emerging over in the Aries mansion. There is a gathering in the early degrees of that sign that will be a big part of what we are looking to integrate as we pull the Leo/Aquarius archetypes together from the opposite ends of their continuum.

Venus just left the sign of her exaltation (Pisces), and has entered the sign of her detriment (Aries). The loving perspective of Venus is completely out of sorts in the fiery, masculine mansion of Aries, and so love is harder to hold on to under this influence. Also newly ingressed into this impulsive territory is Black Moon Lilith, a shadow point where the extraordinary power of the creative and destructive feminine principle is held for us. In Aries, she is very angry, and feeling righteous about all of the polarization in the world today, and is ready to fight the good fight to create some change. Chiron, the Great Healer is also in Aries and all three are within 2-degrees of each other.

This is ultimately a healing moment thanks to Chiron, but the heat that Aries can generate brings a tremendous amount of aggressive energy that could explode all over the place. Turn on the news if you want to understand what I am talking about. How each of us as individuals align with this uprising of rageful energy is crucial to the planet right now. We want to tap into the rage of Lilith as a productive agent of change on the planet, without getting swallowed up by the sheer combustibility of the social and political landscape. Consider the pure archetype of Leo, the benevolent leader, king of the zodiac who helps us step into that sense of sovereignty that is strong, but also fair and compassionate. We all must find this balance within us if we are to move through these years with any sort of sanity.

The geometry of how this Full Moon connects with this Aries uprising energy is almost 150-degrees, the Great Eliminator. Another way of understanding this complex geometry of the fork on the road is what I call the “either/or.” When two bodies interact in this very wide angle, only one of them can grab supremacy at a time. So, as we move through this Full Moon, consider how this “either/or” lives in you. Can you look out at world events right now, feel a certain fury-driven demand that things change, but not get so caught up in the personal projections of your own trauma such that you get shut down by your anger? True activation for change takes place when we are motivated by outrage, but driven by responsible leadership. Both are in the mix during this Full Moon, but they are presented to us in a manner that will demand a bona fide ability to hold contradictory impulses within us, and find a sort of grace with the either/or experience we all must navigate as human beings.

The last thing to say about this Full Moon – and perhaps this is the most important – is how Mercury is connecting to this lunation. The planet of the Mind spends this Full Moon in a Trine to the North Node, indicating a moment when what we are thinking and speaking into (Mercury) is easily and directly layered into (Trine) our future plans, and movement toward our destiny (North Node). This is a lovely thread to have connected to a powerful and potentially confusing Full Moon. But more importantly, because of his upcoming retrograde, this transit will be repeated three times. This has the impact of bringing the wave that this Full Moon generates directly into the Mercury retrograde, effectively continuing the reverberation of this lunation for another two months. The mind is where all healing must take place, and so all of the material that is being prepared to be released in this Full Moon, will have Mercury’s upcoming backward journey to truly sever the chords in the unconscious of all the material we are seeking to free ourselves from right now.

Leo is a fire sign, and the archetypal that invented all creative expression. When considering how to ritualize this Full Moon, remember this, and just have at it. Consider the personal sovereignty of your private impulses to express yourself, and all the while consider that the energy you whip up within your personal sphere really and truly does impact the collective. Remember we are the way showers, who came to do this first and help others to do the same. And as you are dancing around your living room in honor of this Full Moon, we are all doing just that.

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Problems as a teenager

Physical

A.) Scars

          A scar is a mark left on the skin or within body tissue where a wound, burn, or sore has not healed completely and fibrous connective tissue has developed. No one can avoid scars since we always go to the outside and dangerous world. Some scars can be unpleasant to some people because it can be seen to an exposed part of the body and the trauma that it left behind.

When I was grade four, my classmates noticed that I got scars on my face and I got completely conscious about it since all of them didn’t even have a scar on their face. I tried searching for solutions to get rid of my ugly scars but no results.  For the past 3 years I despised myself due to the scars I have on my face. Then grade 7 came and I was surprised that I got a classmate that has a scar on their face. They weren’t bothered about the scar because it’s already part of their life and they have no choice but to live with it. And I saw that other people see scars unique because that’s what makes them different to other people.  I realized that why should I change myself when I’m already unique. I got fond of my scars because I saw it as a beautiful mark than an ugly blemish in my life. But over the years my scars suddenly faded. It’s not completely gone but it’s just that not very visible to people anymore.  However, I still like showing my scars because I really felt unique about it.

People tend to hate themselves due to the scars that they have on their body. But what I’m telling you now that you shouldn’t hate yourself because of your scars rather appreciate your scars. You shouldn’t be afraid of showing your scars because they are the badges that shows you’ve won the battle that left you with it.  It’s really ok to have a scar because it shows that you’ve come this far and you are stronger than your past. Never reject your own mark because that mark is what makes you unique about yourself and different from other people because you conquered your own demons by yourself.

MENTAL

 Mental relates to our mind. It also refers to the total emotional and intellectual response of an individual to external reality. Mental health refers to our cognitive, behavioral, and emotional wellbeing - it is all about how we think, feel, and behave. The term 'mental health' is sometimes used to mean an absence of a mental disorder. Mental health can affect daily life, relationships, and even physical health. Mental health also includes a person's ability to enjoy life - to attain a balance between life activities and efforts to achieve psychological resilience. A mental disorder, also called a mental illness or psychiatric disorder is a behavioral or mental pattern that causes significant distress or impairment of personal functioning. Such features may be persistent, relapsing and remitting, or occur as a single episode. There are many symptoms of mental disorders such as anxiety, overthinking, depression, stress, etc.

 A.) Stress

 Stress is a normal part of life and can be caused by many different things. Stress on teenagers can be harmful to their health and wellbeing if it seems as though they have been enduring it for a long time. There many reasons why teen agers getting stress. • Homework and school (especially exams) •expectations and pressure from parents and their families to do well in school their •social relationships with friends and boyfriends/girlfriends and the issue of sex life challenges, such as dropping out of school or going to tertiary •studies or lack of time for work-having too much to do, feeling unprepared or overwhelmed • lack of sleep. These are the reasons why teenagers get stress but there also a way how can they overcome it. When you believe that your child is depressed, speak to them about trying to determine whether these or other issues are happening. If you can understand how they feel stressed, helping them fix the cause and properly manage their stress will be easier. Yes, maybe sometimes parents is the reason why teenagers got stress, but they are also the way how their children can overcome it

 B.) Overthinking

Overthinking is exactly what it means, thinking too much. When you think too much, instead of acting and doing things, you are overthinking. When you analyze, comment and repeat the same thoughts over and again, instead of acting, you are overthinking. This habit prevents you from taking action. It consumes your energy, disables your ability to make decisions, and puts you on a loop of thinking and thinking over and again. This is a kind of thinking that wastes your time and energy and prevents you from acting, doing new things and making progress in your life. It’s like tying yourself to a rope that is connected to a pole and going in circles again and again. In this situation there is more likelihood for worry, anxiety and lack of inner peace. On the other hand, when you don’t overthink, you become more efficient, more peaceful and much happier. Causes When you become more aware of your tendency to overthink things, you can take steps to change. But first, you have to recognize that overthinking does more harm than good. Sometimes, people think that their overthinking somehow prevents bad things from happening. And they think if they don't worry enough or rehash the past enough then somehow, they'll encounter more problems. But the research is pretty clear--overthinking is bad for you and it does nothing to prevent or solve problems.

- I relive embarrassing moments in my head repeatedly.

- I have trouble sleeping because it feels like my brain won't shut off.

- I ask myself a lot of "what if..." questions.

- I spend a lot of time thinking about the hidden meaning in things people say or events that happen.

- I rehash conversations I had with people in my mind and think about all the things I wished I had or hadn't said.

- I constantly relive my mistakes.

- When someone says or acts in a way I don't like, I keep replaying it in my mind. Sometimes I'm not aware of what's going on around me because I'm dwelling on things that happened in the past or worrying about things that might happen in the future.

- I spend a lot of time worrying about things I have no control over.

- I can't get my mind off my worries. Effects where you just can’t stop thinking about an event, a person, something that happened in the past, or on a problem. Instead of looking for a solution, taking initiative and being active, you just keep thinking and cannot get it out of your mind. At times, when something bad happens, you think about the worst scenarios, with thoughts like “what if?” or “why?”.

- You slip now and then into negative thinking patterns.

- You worry about past mistakes or current problems and issues, and how they might lead to negative outcomes.

- You obsess about or over-analyze your day-to-day experiences and interactions with people.

You inflate every word, thought and event beyond really and reasonable proportions, reading into things that aren’t actually there. If this happens often, you are what psychologists call a ruminator, or over-thinker. Psychologists have found that over-thinking can be detrimental to performance, and lead to anxiety and depression. How to Overcome Overthinking? There are various ways to get rid of this habit, like watching TV, playing video games or listening to music. Walking, swimming or exercising the body can also take your mind off temporarily from the habit overthinking. Anything that keeps your mind occupied with some activity that doesn’t allow you to overthink is okay. Watch yourself when you overthink and see how time and energy consuming it is, how you are behaving passively, instead of actively. Realize that thinking once, or a just a few times is enough. It leads you nowhere thinking over and again the same thoughts. You need to make a decision and act. The matter is that you might revert to overthinking – ruminating over and again. The above tips would help you, but if you want to completely overcome this habit, you will need to go one step further. You will need to learn to focus and calm down your mind, so that you can easily prevent it from revolving around the same thoughts over and over again.

 C.) Anxiety

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. It’s when you are not stable and not comfortable with your situation. It’s a type of mental illness where you’re unease. When you’re uncomfortable with your surroundings and when you tend to worry a lot with an uncertain outcome, you’re overthinking

.

Causes:

* Environmental factors: Elements in the environment around an individual can increase anxiety. Stress from a personal relationship, job, school, or financial predicament can contribute greatly to anxiety disorders. Even low oxygen levels in high-altitude areas can add to anxiety symptoms.

* Genetics: People who have family members with an anxiety disorder are more likely to have one themselves.

* Medical factors: Other medical conditions can lead to an anxiety disorder, such as the side effects of medication, symptoms of a disease, or stress from a serious underlying medical condition that may not directly trigger the changes seen in anxiety disorder but might be causing significant lifestyle adjustments, pain, or restricted movement.

* Brain chemistry: Stressful or traumatic experiences and genetic factors can alter brain structure and function to react more vigorously to triggers that would not previously have caused anxiety. Psychologists and neurologists define many anxiety and mood disorders as disruptions to hormones and electrical signals in the brain.

* Use of or withdrawal from an illicit substance: The stress of day-to-day living combined with any of the above might serve as key contributors to an anxiety disorder. Effects: it can make you sweat

* Can make you have headaches

* Excessive and ongoing worry and tension

* Unrealistic view towards problems

* Ongoing irritability

* Muscle tension and aches

* Can make you think of different views towards problems continuously This specific mental illness can bother you nonstop and make you have a negative outlook in life. Whenever we have or feel like we have anxiety or any other mental illness, we should check up with a professional. Anxiety can ruin your mind set and make you worry about things. To avoid this, we should try harder to be positive in life. It may make you think realistic about certain situations but it can go too much and become negative and toxic for our mental health. This also leads to us overthinking too much and may lead to anxiety.

 Living with mental illness is not easy. It’s a consistent problem without a clear solution. While treatments like medication and psychotherapy are incredibly helpful, sometimes people experiencing mental health conditions need to do more day-in and day-out to feel good or even just okay. Some common self-help suggestions people receive are to exercise, meditate and be more present, which are helpful and work for many people. However, other proven methods aren’t mentioned as often. Many of them are quick and simple techniques that can easily be added to daily routines. Finding the right coping mechanism takes time and patience, but it can enormously impact how you feel. If you haven’t had success with techniques you’ve tried, or you’re looking to add a few more to your toolkit, here are seven coping mechanisms recommended by mental health professionals worth trying out.

 EMOTIONAL

 What is Emotional? If it has anything to do with feelings like happiness or anger, then we consider it as emotional. Emotion is a mental state associated with the nervous system brought on by chemical changes variously associated with thoughts, feelings, behavioral responses, and a degree of pleasure or displeasure. It is often intertwined with mood, temperament, personality, disposition, and motivation.

 How do emotions affect behavior? Behaviors are different from thoughts and emotions. It is how we act or what we do. In contrast, thoughts and emotions are inside of us and we don’t have to act on our thoughts and emotions. Despites being different from emotions, behaviors are very strongly influenced by them. For example, when we feel frustrated, we sometimes acts on that frustration by saying mean things to our parents or on the people in our surroundings.

 Here are some examples of Emotional Conflicts:

 A.) Mood Swings

 "Mood Swings" is a typical term used to portray quick and seriously fluctuating feelings. Individuals regularly portray emotional episodes as an "exciting ride" of sentiments from bliss and satisfaction to outrage, peevishness, and even depression.

An individual may perceive something that has "set off" a move in their state of mind, for example, an unpleasant occasion at work. But on the other hand it's normal for mood swings to happen without an undeniable reason. Individuals may encounter these adjustments in mind-set through the span of a day or even inside several hours.

 It's not unexpected to have days where you feel pitiful or days when you're thrilled. For whatever length of time that your state of mind changes doesn’t meddle with your life to an extraordinary degree, they're commonly viewed as solid.

 Then again, you may have an ailment in the event that you change from incredibly glad to amazingly discourage all the time. On the off chance that you have genuine and visit mood swings, you should enlighten your primary care physician concerning them. They can talk about the potential purposes behind for what reason you're encountering them.

 A few reasons for fast changes in conduct can be identified with emotional well-being, hormones, substance use, or other wellbeing conditions. Mood Swings can be a challenge to manage, particularly on the off chance that they meddle with your everyday life, school or work, and your connections. Changes in disposition that are continuous and extreme ought to be talked about with your primary care physician, as you should make sense of the hidden medicinal or potentially emotional well-being cause before you can adequately treat them.

Prescriptions called state of mind stabilizers, psychotherapy or advising, and mediations, for example, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) might be useful if a hidden dysfunctional behavior is causing emotional episodes or exacerbating them

 If your good and bad times aren't influencing different parts of your life adversely, you might have the option to work through your emotional episodes without restorative consideration. You may have the option to manage your states of mind on the off chance that you do the following:

 Keep a timetable

Attempt to make an everyday practice for yourself, particularly with regards to eating and resting.

Exercise consistently

Practicing normally has various advantages for almost all parts of your wellbeing, including temperament.

Get adequate rest.

A decent night's rest is significant and lack of sleep can influence your mind-set.

Eat a solid eating regimen

A reasonable, solid eating routine can improve your state of mind and keep you sound. Here are a few hints to adhering to a solid eating regimen.

Practice unwinding

Participate in quieting practices like yoga or reflection.

Keep away from pressure

More difficult than one might expect, isn't that so? In the event that you can't maintain a strategic distance from it, plan to oversee and assuage worry as it comes.

Convey what needs be

Locate an inventive outlet to convey what needs be.

Work it out

Discover somebody to converse with, for example, a companion, relative, or expert instructor.

 Remember that emotional episodes can shift in seriousness. Encountering a scope of feelings is a piece of life. You may need to modify your way of life to return to feeling ordinary in the event that you experience periodic emotional episodes.

 You should take emotional episodes that adjust your conduct and contrarily sway your life or people around you truly. Contact your primary care physician in the event that you feel that emotional episodes have assumed control over your everyday life or in the event that you've been feeling unwell for an all-inclusive timeframe. These could be manifestations of a wellbeing condition.

  B.) Breakdowns

 Breakdowns are term describing emotional or physical stress that temporarily makes someone unable to function in day-to-day life. Nowadays, teenagers are mostly the one who experience breakdowns. Knowing breakdown and knowing what are the causes are important, so we are aware if we’re experiencing it and to avoid having it. I already experienced having a breakdown and its really tough to overcome breakdowns because you are emotionally, as well as physically tired of doing something. Just like in a meal, you may lose your appetite. You feel that you have no reason to live and no one supports you. So we should focus to this one.

Causes:

           •           Expectations and Standards

           •           Stress

           •           Heart aches

           •           Failures

           •           Negative Thoughts

           •           Toxic People/Surroundings

Symptoms:

           •           Feeling anxious, depressed, tearful, or continuously irritable

           •           Withdrawing or avoiding normal social situations

           •           Unhealthy eating and hygiene

           •           Difficulty focusing or remembering

           •           Lacks of motivation and interest in things

Treatment and Prevention:

             •           Spend some time alone.

           •           Be aware of breakdowns

           •           Know what causes you to have breakdowns

           •           Reduce sources of stress, such as conflicts at home, workplace and etc.

           •           Doing exercises and yoga

           •           Talking with friends, family, partners about troublesome feelings

 Let us be aware of breakdowns and learn that everything has a purpose. Do not focus on the things that will make you lose your passion such as standards and expectations of others and keep yourself distant to toxic people and surround yourself with the person who really care about you.

 C.) Short Temper

 Short temper is an instantaneous display of anger. The ideal solution is not to control anger, but to be rid of Anger. The problem with us is not our tempers, but the underlying anger in us. There are thousands of tips you will find online which will say things like:

 • Whenever you get angry, the first thing you should do is close your eyes and take deep breaths for a while.

• Keep a watch on your current anger level and when you sense that you're about to lose your temper, do something to distract yourself and improve your mood, like making a joke to break the tension or remembering a happy memory.

The above suggestions are like using a band-aid to cover a gaping wound. It will give relief, but only temporarily.

  What Causes Anger? A leading cause of anger is a person’s environment. Stress, financial issues, abuse, poor social or familial situations, and overwhelming requirements on your time and energy can all contribute to the formation of anger. As with disorders such as alcoholism, anger issues may be more prevalent in individuals who were raised by parents with the same disorder. Genetics and your body’s ability to deal with certain chemicals and hormones also play a role in how you deal with anger; if your brain doesn’t react normally to serotonin, you might find it more difficult to manage your emotions.

 Emotional Symptoms of Anger-Related Problems

 You might think the emotional symptoms of anger-related problem are limited to anger, but a number of emotional states could indicate that you are failing to deal with anger in a positive and healthy fashion. Constant irritability, rage and anxiety are possible emotional symptoms.

 If you feel overwhelmed, have trouble organizing or managing your thoughts or fantasize about hurting yourself or others, you could be experiencing an anger disorder or another issue. Don’t wait for these emotions to take control of your life; maintain control by calling our hotline today at. Representatives are available to listen and offer advice 24/7.

 Physical Symptoms of Anger-Related Problems

 -headache, Pressure in head, Fatigue, Pressure in sinus cavities, Heart palpitations, Tightening of chest, Increased blood pressure, Tingling. Strong emotions often bring about physical changes to the body, and anger is no exception. Letting anger issues go unaddressed can put your overall health at risk.

 10 anger management tips

 1. Think before you speak

In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same

.

2. Once you're calm, express your anger

As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

 3. Get some exercise

Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.

 4. Take a timeout

Timeouts aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.

 5. Identify possible solutions

Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.

 6. Stick with 'I' statements

To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" instead of "You never do any housework."

 7. Don't hold a grudge

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.

 8. Use humor to release tension

Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what's making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

 9. Practice relaxation skills

When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

 10. Know when to seek help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.

 D.) Low-Self Esteem

 Low self-esteem is characterized by a lack of confidence and feeling badly about oneself. People with low self-esteem often feel unlovable, awkward, or incompetent. They tend to be hypersensitive and have a fragile sense of self that can easily be wounded by others. Low self -esteem is simply how you feel about yourself and how you judge your worth. This evaluation has a profound impact on the choices you make since it determines, to a great extent, what you consider yourself capable and worthy of doing.                                                                                                    

People with low self-esteem – who feel poorly about themselves and judge themselves to be inferior to others – are at risk, then, of not fulfilling their true potential in life. They may not take the initiative to set and pursue personal goals; they may not put any effort into their education or careers; they may accept poor treatment from family, friends and romantic partners. This has been linked to a number of negative behaviors among teens, including:

·         Poor academic performance

·         Teen pregnancy

·         Dropping out of school

·         Earlier sexual activity

·         Criminal behavior

·         Alcohol and drug abuse

·         Cutting

·         Disordered eating

Low self-esteem is more than an unpleasant feeling. It takes a toll on our lives. This are the causes of low self-esteem:

·         Uninvolved/Negligent Parents

·         Negative Peers

·         Trauma

·         Body Image

·         Unrealistic Goals

·         Previous Bad Choices

·         Negative Thought Patterns

These causes lead to different negative effects of low self -esteem some of this are:

·         Negative feelings

·         Self-loathing

·         Believing you have nothing to offer

·         Difficulty getting motivated

·         Obsession with perfection

·         Lowered resilience

·         Lack of self-care

·         Struggling relationships

·         Being a “people pleaser”

·         Believing you are powerless to change anything

In our generation nowadays most of us is conscious of what other people might think of us. Because of this our confidence are affected and we are afraid of showing our real personality, identity and self to others. As a teenager sometimes I don’t what to show what I really feel because I’m afraid that the people around me might say something about it , also I’m afraid of taking risk because I always think what if this one fails and turns out to have a negative effect what will I do? How will I explain it to the people around me? How will I face all of their discrimination and judgement. But as time goes by, I learned how to overcome it by accepting the results of the decisions I make. Here are some ways to overcome low self -esteem:

·         Live in the moment

·         Develop awareness

·         Be non-judgmental

·         Stay connected to yourself

·         Practice mindful meditation

·         Participate in your own life

·         Let go

·         Show compassion toward yourself

And always remember “We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.”

 As a teenager we are facing a lot of challenges. This leads us to different emotional problems that become a reason of some serious health and mental illness. But we should always put our mind that us a youth we have the freedom to just do what we want and what makes us happy. It is our decision to make whether we want to see a certain situation as negative or positive. Don’t let other people dictate you on what you should do, be your own voice towards happiness and peace. Always remember that each one of us is loved and cherished by our own families don’t ever compare yourself to others.

 Always remind yourself are special, surround yourself with people who brings color to your life and not the one who destroy you as a person. Take care of yourself always. Be fruitful and grow where you have planted. There is a purpose in everything, and that’s for you to be a better version of yourself,

  SOCIAL

 What are social issues? Social issue is a problem with a particular place or group of people in the world.  There are a lot of social problems around us, for example the lack of confidence, many people lack confidence because they don’t believe on what they can do and they don’t believe in themselves, they are afraid of what people may think about them, they are afraid to be judged. Some people are naturally born with introversion, maybe they inherit it to their parents, others may just don’t want to socialize because they think that others may just make fun of them and they can’t appreciate them, the way they want to be appreciated. While, shyness is another example of social issues, shyness is a characteristic of people who have low self-esteem. They’re shy to share what’s running through their mind. Shyness is like lack of confidence, they tend to feel weak, they’re shy to show what they really feel.

 A.) Shyness

 Shyness can be an awkward, self-conscious, anxious, shy, and insecure feeling. Often people who feel shy in situations may experience physical sensations like blushing, feeling weak, forgetting speech, or shortness of breath or rapid breathing. If people feel shy, they tend to hesitate to say or do something because they feel uncertain about themselves or about themselves.

  There are a lot of ways to overcome shyness, first, Start practicing interacting and sharing or telling jokes or stories at any moment. In all areas of your life be more talkative and articulate. You should practice communicating, more freely, whether you're at home, with family, cousins and friends. Let's hear your voice and thoughts. Second, Part of overcoming shyness is about building trust in several areas of your life and not allowing you to get in the way of anxiety, fear of failure, fear of rejection or fear of embarrassment. You overcome the fear of the unknown by doing new activities and learn to handle your anxiety more effectively. Last, Learn how to earn confidence comes by experience, training, practice, and mastery. When you learned how to ride a bicycle, remember? At first it was scary, but you just walked for it and tried it, you got it, and you felt confident. Social confidence works in the same way.

 B.) Lack of Confidence

 Having a lack of confidence is like losing more opportunities in life we must overcome this type of trait that has a big impact to every individual especially to those students. Feeling certain of success even when your knowledge suggests you might felt to fail. Even if you’re extremely skilled and talented, a lack of self-confidence can prevent you from performing at your best in pressure situations. For example, if you work in sales, it’s one thing to read a book and learn and understand some new sales techniques, but it’s a very different challenge to actually go out and apply those techniques when face-to-face with a prospect. The major limiting factor often isn’t a lack of knowledge or practice but rather the limiting belief that you can’t expect to perform well the first few times a self-fulfilling prophecy. Public speaking is a great example. Many people have the knowledge and skill to write a speech that an audience would enjoy, and when practiced in private, they may even do a decent job. But put them in front of an audience or even just suggest the idea and they quickly succumb to feelings of self-doubt and worry. However, if you take such people to a stage hypnosis show and they’re hypnotized, they’ll get up on stage and perform wonderfully with no fear at all, even with no rehearsal or prepared material. Being under hypnosis doesn’t magically bestow any new skills, but it can put people into a state where they have full and unrestricted access to their best internal resources. What new endeavors might you be able to take on if you were hypnotized to belief with absolute certainty that you would succeed at them? You may currently believe that confidence is the result of a history of success. While a history of success can certainly increase your confidence, you don’t actually need that history to feel confident. Confidence is a feeling of certainty, a natural inner resource that can be summoned whenever you want it. The key to feeling confident lies in a quote from Albert Einstein: “Imagination is more powerful than knowledge.” Even when your knowledge tells you to expect failure, you have the ability to consciously direct your imagination to override that impulse and feel certain of success anyway. Confidence is not panacea. But being able to make yourself feel certain of success can give you massive edge in many endeavors. And a lack of confidence can put you into the decrepit state where even though you have the intellectual resources to succeed, you don't even make the attempt.

 C.) Introversion

 Every person has their own identity, each of us has our own personality. We all encounter problems, we all experience pain and we all fall and rise again. Who we are now is how we coped up with our problems from before. Pain changes us, experiences makes us realize that some people can become strangers.

  Sometimes in our life, we seem to give up, but there will always be someone else who will make our lives worthy. Afterwards, people will leave again. But why? Life is a cycle, where one can't not change. We will be friends to someone then later on we'll get attached and they'll leave, leave us hanging and we will wondered why. Why do people leave? Why do I need to feel pain? All our why 's will never be answered because no one is there to answer. In all our problems in life, we all get tired, to the point where we don't want to meet new people anymore. You don't want to please these people just for them to stay. You don't want people to hurt you again. People will leave because they'll get tired on us, and yet we are expected not to. Each people who have left us in pain was the person we truly value but ended up fading away. They are the ones that makes us special even in a while. When we fall down, we got no one but ourselves. We will stand up and fix ourselves alone.

 Pain makes us stronger, and makes us realize that at the end of the day, we'll be alone. You can be alone but not happy, otherwise you can be happy even though you're alone. Being happy is a choice. Why meet new people if in the end of the day, they'll just leave us pain? Why beg people to stay if they're just going to leave us for someone better? Why fix others if they can fix themselves? Why do you need others if you can fix yourself. Someone said no man is an island, but an island on its own can be happy. If an island is resourceful, it will be a happiness for itself. If you, on your own, can do such things alone without anyone involved, you can be happy. Having barriers with people is not a bad thing, it's just you've learned from your past and you don't want others to hurt you again.

  It's not bad if you let other people come into your life, but you must limit yourself from them, from pain. In case they leave, you can stand up on your own. In case they replace you, you can accept and it won't bother you. In case they'll be happy with others, you won't need anyone, because you have yourself. Be like the moon, who can be happy on its own and can be happy even though darkness surrounds it. You will never know the true meaning of love, if you can't love yourself. Self-love is the most important and most irreplaceable thing without needing someone. If you truly accept your flaws and imperfections, you will never get hurt by others. Everything in this world has ending and limitations. Everyone can give us pain and everyone can be an unforgettable person. But you, by your own, must limits yourself from people. Not because you're afraid but because you learned and you know your worth. You will not settle for less, because you know what you deserve. When people hurt you for the first time, it's their choice, but when people hurt you again, it's your choice because you let them in again.

 We encounter different problems in our lives but there are so many ways to cope up with it. Problems is just a test to strengthen us however it will also teach us a lesson. We meet different types of people that we always socialize so we must conquer all our fears for us to have a good relationship with them. It might have a gap or barrier but you know how to communicate so you will not left behind and you will also know how to limit yourself from people. Meeting different kinds of people taught us how to know the good and bad, the real and fake and the one who'll stay and not. We learn on communicating different kinds of people and we also understand how to know them well. We must not push people away from us, if you know that they're not good for you, just limit yourself but never push them away. However if some people are good for you but they're keep on leaving you, never push yourself to them. Learn how to let go and how to hold on. Let go to those people who've cause you pain and hold on for those persons who've never leave you and will always be there for you.

 Economical

 The society has a lot of struggles, thus we call it economical struggles, but some of these struggles are stuff we don’t take much time to think of in our daily lives. This blog will help us learn others struggles and their solution

 A.) Hard Choices: Needs VS Wants

 When thinking of the most basic steps in saving money, we must learn the difference of needs and wants.  Sometimes, the painful lesson of realizing that even though we really want something we don't actually need it!

 Our needs are the things we must have to sustain us day to day: food, shelter, clothing, personal care items, and in most cases safe, reliable transportation. While,   wants are something you would like to have but do not need, a new car, expanded cable or a new pair of shoes.

 But even within the needs category, the lines can blur. We must have food every day, but we don’t need to dine out to get it. We must be fully clothed to go out in public, but we don’t need the latest fashions just to be ‘in’.

 Personally as a teenager, I need to admit that most of the time I always choose my wants, I already have shoes but I always want something new, I can eat in a local canteen but I chose to eat fast food. These are only a few examples of the choices millennial people. We’ve become a culture of want, addicted to the rush of newness and convinced it’s the road to happiness.

 We are so fond of following the trends we see in social media or anywhere that sometimes we take our budget for granted, people don’t know how to be contented on what they have. Their phone is still working but seeing the new model makes them think they need a new one, our parents cooks our meals but we chose to eat fast food, to think that many of the things we want can sometimes be bad for us like fast food and expensive things because people will be in debt. Contentment is the only thing we should have to distinguish what we need in order to live, but what are the ways to find contentment?

 First, you should look around and evaluate everything you already have. Chances are you’re far exceeding your basic needs in almost every area. Second, avoid advertisements as much as possible by unsubscribing from retailers’ promotional emails, recording television shows and skipping through commercials, and carefully choosing the online content you consume. Break the habit of going digital ‘window shopping’ when you’re bored. Third, practice the One-In-One-Out rule, it simply means that any time you bring a new item into your home, you must get rid of one that’s the same or similar. So, new pair of shoes, old pair of shoes out. New baseball cap in, old baseball cap out. Forth, appreciate what you have, When you find things that you want to buy or do that you currently can't afford, it becomes all too easy to focus on those things to the point of overlooking what you already have, we should be thankful for being fortunate to own such things because not anyone can have what we have and stop wanting more because something is better than nothing.

 “Contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty.” —Socrates

There were many reasons we chose to become minimalist and simplify our lives. Contentment is the lifeblood of minimalism. And without it, the journey towards minimalism is short-lived. Discontent will always rear its ugly head and become a great obstacle to fully thriving in a simple life. So let’s be contented and appreciate everything we have right now.

 B.) Education: Needs Vs. Wants

 Money is something that is hard to earn but easy to spend. It is a necessity since we use it for education, transportation and other daily expenses. People have been using it for many expenses resulting to shortage of money.

 Education takes up a long time to finish. Some people say that money is not necessarily needed in order to finish your studies as long you have perseverance, determination, goals and etc. But no, it is wrong. There are times that everyone must acquire money for school. Students who live far from their school must have money for their transportation whether it is for jeepney, bus or train. Students who doesn't have time to prepare their packed lunch must have money to buy food. In order for students to pass, group or individual projects must be completed and school events that should be participated for additional grades. Students from public or private school, both requires financial support.

 Everybody has a right to study. That is why parents must be responsible to support their children's education. They should plan ahead of time and save up to avoid such struggles. Parents must avoid depending on debts. They should also avoid having bad habits like smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol often and buying unnecessary things. It is relevant to consult trusted banks for better secured savings. They should make a habit of packing lunch for their children instead of giving them money daily. It would be important for parents to teach their children about saving money so that when the time comes they know how to limit spending the money.

 C.) Budgeting: Needs Vs. Wants

 Budgeting is the act of saving ones money in order to prioritize the things that a person or a group of people should buy. Budgeting could be in the form of listing (writing, typing, mental writing of a list) or making your mentality “I shouldn’t buy my wants because I need to buy my needs”.

 A personal experience I could share about Budgeting is; When I was an elementary student, I used to have budgeting problems because of the lack of guidance I got. I use to spend tons and tons of my money on my wants. However, there came a time that I really wanted something and my parents asked what had happened to the money they told me to keep. I hadn’t gotten that thing I wanted, and so from then on I started budgeting more, always prioritizing and mentally making a list of things I need and I don’t need, always having reserved money at my back pocket and  always scattering my money in case of emergency.

 The solution I can suggest for those that think budgeting is hard, would be: a.) plan your money on a weekly basis rather than daily. Ask for you allowance for the week rather than for the day, or save up on the previous week so you don’t use this week’s allowance. B.) Always keep in mind that there is going be something more valuable that you are going need so always leave a big amount of money in your savings. C.) even if your allowance or money is only for the day, try thinking that it’s for 3 days. It helps with the “I’ll buy this next time” mentality.

   I hope that this blog helps you a lot and never stop loving yourself. Tell yourself that you are unique and cool! ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ✿

[sometimesrosy]

You really think they’re going to go back to earth?? I mean, I could see Bellamy and Clarke landing at the dropship site all ready to rebuild humanity with radioactive playing softly in the background, fade to black. But I can also see them really leaving earth in book one.

It is, of course, only a speculation. I don’t know. I recognize that I am leaping ahead of canon evidence to make that speculation, but then, I have done that before and been correct. I guessed, from out of nowhere that cryo sleep would be a solution, but my guess came too early. I guessed that for the COL they would save everyone instead of losing everyone like MW, because that’s the kind of twist that would keep an audience on it’s toes. Once i accepted the time jump and clarke left behind, I guessed that she would become a mother, although I said it woud be bellamy’s child. So i got the motherhood right but not the shipping spec. When you spec on this show based on shipping it’s almost never right, that’s not how they make their narrative choices. I guessed that s5 would end with Bellamy and Clarke would lose the war for Eden (McCreary cheated) and take their people who stopped fighting into the wastes for an exodus. As the season went on it became probable that the exodus would be in the stars instead of on earth. So like, these big conceptual stories? I’m picking up on. I think it’s because I speak the same language as JR, 90s scifi geek who went to college to study writing. We have the same references in our heads. Once I started LOOKING for his symbolism and allusions and archetypes, the whole show fell into place and made a lot of sense to me. This show is NOT random. He’s not changing the story to please fandom or to hurt them (except in cases where he can WORK with the changes.)

I’m not intending to brag, I’m intending to show you that although my spec seems like it comes out of left field and there’s no basis for it, the basis actually comes with the TYPE of story he’s telling and the common language in the GENRE. Like, I started picking up on his symbolism in s3, but if I didn’t keep getting confirmation that I was right with the themes and archetypes and symbolism and allusions, I would have changed my theories. But I keep getting confirmation that I’m on the right track. JR is going down a familiar path for me. So I’m trying to find the street signs and show them to you so you can follow the path too.

So WHY did I come up with this wacky theory about Clarke and Bellamy returning to earth? HOW? It didn’t happen until s5 was over and I started getting asks and started reading/watching those references he told us about and started thinking how all the storylines converge.

long and involved, so, below the cut.

Snarky foreshadowing– This was when I first went, wait, what? Raven, when she flew the last ship off of earth said, “Just once I’d like to take off from a planet while it wasn’t burning.” TWICE she’s done that. Third time’s the charm. They’ve been fixing the traumas, I think we’ll get this one again too, only this time the planet won’t be burning. They’ve got ONE planet left. The new one. Therefore, they will be leaving the planet and it won’t be burning. But WHY would they leave the planet when it’s not burning? Then I had to find a REASON for them leaving the safe haven planet. 

History repeats itself– This story is about how pre-apocalypse humans were ruining the world. Becca is the real wanheda. She, her creation, eradicated humanity. That’s the genocide. She started the harshness of the Ark because of her madness. She started the harshness of the grounders as Pramheda. She came back and we saw her trying to fix what she’d done. She ALSO had to do with the eligius program and invented their nightbood. THEREFORE, the new planet colony is a descendent of Becca’s original crimes against humanity. Was it all an accident? Sure? But also it was the result of her choices, her hubris, her genius.  She is Doctor Frankenstein. (Actually I just made that connection and I feel stupid for missing it. Does it work? Anyone see it also?)

You are responsible for your monster when you let it out– Lincoln’s words. VERY IMPORTANT. This makes EVERYTHING in the story make sense. If people don’t take responsibility for their evil, they are the monster. If people TRY to take responsibiilty for their evil, they are the hero. That’s why leaders sacrificing others is not a sacrifice, they aren’t taking responsibility they are using people. But Clarke or Bellamy risking their lives to fix their mistakes IS heroic. It’s not always smart, but that’s the good guy move. hero/monster has been a theme since s1.

The structure of the story is a spiral– They are returning to their greatest traumas and FIXING them. Making the right choice this time. Teaching others to make the right choice, learning from their mistakes instead of doubling down on their evil actions in order to make it worth it, like Octavia all season 5. Or Lxa in s2. Or Jaha the whole show. Or Cage Wallace. Redemption comes through recognizing your monster and DOING BETTER. Redemption is a MAJOR theme of post-apocalyptic stories. 

Eligius 3 are Colonialists, NOT refugees– Monty said that they went to the new planet to USE the resources because the resources of the earth were used up. They aren’t looking for a home, they’re looking for another planet to consume. THIS IS WHAT STARTED THE ORIGINAL FALL OF HUMANITY. They reflect the values of Mount Weather who believed the earth was their birthright and treated the people on the surface as cattle to be used and tortured. This is a repeat of the MW conflict.

Eligius 3=Mount Weather– that means we’ll be getting a redo of the biggest and most traumatic “failure” that Clarke and Bellamy had. Except, it never really was a failure. It was the RIGHT thing to do. It happened also to be best for their people, but it was GOOD, even though it caused harm to some innocent people, because as Maya said, none of them were innocent. They were the disease. Clarke (med student, remember?) had to KILL the mountain to put it out of its suffering (like Atom) and to save the rest of humanity. This means that Eligius 3 will ALSO be the disease. They ARE the disease that caused the apocalypse. 

JRs reading/viewing list: all about the aliens– Weird non linear, non reality hybrids of alien and human. Consciousness. AI. Philosophy. Religion. I have not gotten to see ALL of the films or read the books, but I’ve researched them all a bit and they share themes. Also Avatar (blue not airbender) And I believe that we’ll have a non-humanoid kind of alien that bonds with the humans to create something new (also if you’ve ever read Ender’s Game which JR certainly did, it actually moves on to tell the story of Ender as Speaker for the dead, and his psychic connection, facilitated by an AI in his head [JANE!] who brings back the dead species and allows another very odd species to be recognized as sentient.  HOLY CRAP Madi is the speaker for the dead. omg i just realized!

If humanity is to be redeemed, they have to be responsible for their monster – They have broken the cycle of violence amongst themselves. They encounter a society that will be JUST as poisoned as the pre-apocalypse society that started this all. Russell’s people will BE the monster. Their enemy (the aliens who are NOT their people) will be the victims.  To be the good guy, they will have to CHOOSE their enemy over their people. Lincoln did it. Maya did it. They were The Good Guys. Clarke and Bellamy will have to end Russell’s people. In doing so, they will replay the MW trauma, but this time they will understand WHY it had to happen and will heal the trauma of the past, because they are HEALING humanity.

If humanity is to be redeemed, they must FIX what they have broken, that is The Earth itself– They can’t drop Earth when it’s no longer providing for them and move onto another planet that they can use up. If you look at The 100 in terms of environmentalism, which you can, you can see this would make them the bad guys. To be the good guys, they have to go back to what they did and start over. This fits the spiral structure, as well as being the Good Guy and being responsible for your monster. 

They aren’t going to discard the earth, or humanity– Why? Because they wouldn’t let Octavia martyr herself. She represents humanity. She will now be forced to WORK to redeem herself and fix what she did. So will humanity. They do not OWN the Earth, the Earth owns them and they are the caretakers. Octavia needs to go back to earth and treat it like her responsibility, not her property. She needs to follow what Lincoln believed. The attempted martyrdom was a reference to Lincoln. But she was cheating. She can’t cheat redemption.

THEY CAN’T CHEAT REDEMPTION: THEY HAVE TO GO BACK TO EARTH. In real life, none of this would have to happen, but this is not real life. This is JR with a story he wants to tell. The story is about the redemption of humanity and two mythic heroes who save humanity, not by keeping them from dying, but by leading them to redemption. THIS IS EPIC. 

When I started thinking about all these thematic questions, I saw that it started to form into a narrative, and many of the characters had roles to play within this narrative, some more than others. When I looked at those characters and their relationships, it completely connected to the long game stories of the relationships of the delinquents and the storylines that are actively being told and have been left open at the end of season 5. 

This theory slots the character arcs into the themes of the show as a whole AND the new main plot story of aliens, new planet, russell’s “peaceful” (yeah sure) society, bellamy and clarke’s commitment to be the good guy. 

So yeah. I see them leaving the new planet to take responsibility for the planet humanity killed, destroying russel’s peaceful society so they can’t destroy the new planet, and leaving Madi behind (she is special) as the steward for the new people. 

Because of the ORIGINAL foreshadowing that brought on this spec, Raven wishing to take off of a planet that isn’t burning, we know that they won’t destroy the new planet. They will save it. And leave it. In order to redeem humanity. 

leaving madi and echo behind with the aliens is not necessary for this redemption plot, but it fits the youth shall inherit the earth generational story and reflects Abby’s struggle with letting go of Clarke, and also Echo’s story of belonging and family and loyalty, and with her stated backstory. You see how this theory connects the larger themes to the character arcs? it just makes sense to me. It isn’t convoluted to me. It is a direct if this, then that, kind of logic. It’s just that it is bringing together MANY past concepts and lessons to save humanity. I don’t know if it sounds convoluted to other people, so if it does, ask me question and we can see if i can get it any clearer.

I can tell the entire story now, with places for the main characters dealing with their personal stories. And it all fits. It’s CRAZY but I’m so excited about it, I can’t wait to see if I’m on the right track. Because if I am it is going to be SO GOOD. Like REALLY. Like miraculous. And everyone who ever hated on this show is going to have to eat their words. Just. I mean. WOW. 

And all the characters people think were discarded and deserved better? They all have an important place, too. Wells has the vision for a life well lived. Lincoln’s idea of being responsible for your monster. Lxa’s power will actually be related to how they can save the new people (the flame), Maya’s conviction that she needed to stop her people because they were doing the wrong thing. Jasper’s belief that the problem WAS humanity and it might not be worth saving. Luna’s desire for peace. HOLY SHIT. 

[lsmithart]

** Research: Points of Trauma by Oliver Guy-Watkins

This is a book of an essay that I came across a while ago which theorises ideas about trauma in relation to contemporary artists. The short book discusses many artists who I have explored and returned to over the course of my practice and provided helpful insight into these artists from a similar perspective to my own. After reading and reflecting on the text, I began thinking about trauma and how it exists within the body. It became evident from the text that what all of the artists explored have in common is the need to divulge the internal into the external, material realm. Sometimes this is in response to collective trauma seen, processed and then regurgitated; whilst others use their art practice to process and release their own traumatic experiences. Both concepts felt very relevant to me as my work often explores very personal histories. At the same time, I am also an empath which means I often absorb external traumas; causing them to become enmeshed in my experience of the world. 

When researching trauma as an entity that attaches itself to the inner tissues of the body, it is described by ‘Integrated Physical Therapy and Wellness Miami’ that ‘pain and trauma are incidents prevented from being completed’. 

Specifically, ‘traumas can be considered anything that keep us locked in a physical, emotional, behavioral or mental habit. Recovery from trauma is the process of the body finding balance and freeing itself from constraints. All too often, the recovery process is halted, preventing the traumatic occurrence from completing.’

‘The energy of the trauma is stored in our bodies’ tissues (primarily muscles and fascia) until it can be released. This stored trauma typically leads to pain and progressively erodes a body’s health. Whenever we store trauma in our tissue, our brain disconnects from that part of the body to block the experience, preventing the recall of the traumatic memory. Any area of our body that our brain is disconnected from won’t be able stay healthy or heal itself. The predictable effect of stored trauma is degeneration and disease.’

Three things are necessary for the body to release stored trauma: 1. The inner resources to handle the experience that were not in place when the experience originally occurred. 2. Space for the traumatic energy to go when released. Being full of tension and stress does not allow space for the stored trauma to move into. 3. Reconnection of the brain with the area of the body where the trauma is stored.

It is apparent from the consideration of trauma within art practice divulged by many artists that it can act a tool for creating a resource for processing. Therefore materiality through the form of making and channeling can act as a release and ‘regurgitation’ for such stuck trauma to make its way into the realm of objects. It is therefore my view from experience that these expels of the inner body can latch themselves to an material or external object within the capacity at the time of processing. Often through the means of art making this means a new sculptural or material form, but also existing objects that can be repurposed as commodities of new narrative. This is a notion I am exploring in depth within my dissertation.

Key notes from the text:

Page 9:

In his essay ‘Forgetting Things’, Freud discusses how a person’s mind will block locations, people and events that are links to traumatic experiences. E.g. you may block out the location of a shop as someone you fell out with lives nearby. Artist’s work can act similarly - the creation of work can replicate the function of the mind by compartmentalising trauma. Instead of locking it away to be forgotten it chews it up into pieces and presents it as a new entity - released from the individual artist.

Page 17 & 18:

Briony Campbell used photography to say goodbye to her father in ‘The Dad Project’. She uses subtle photographs, in conjunction with simple and delicate captions to guide us through her journey. E.g. the first photo in the series is a shot of a building engulfed by the rays of the setting sun, with the caption ‘the sunlight supported me this year’. The sun as healing power. Campbell found a way to keep the memory of her father alive, as well as to overcome her own grief.

Louise Bourgeois - used symbols and prompts from past memories in her later work. E.g. she recalled a memory of how her father created a model of her from a tangerine skin and made disparaging remarks as a phallus emerged from inside. Years later she posed with a phallus of her own making for Robert Mappelthorpe.

Bourgeois often stated that to be an artist was a guarantee to your fellow humans that life’s harsh reality would not make you a murderer. Her statement echoes an underlying truth that art can channel the emotions of its makers and offer them some form of release from captivity.

Page 24-28:

When the public’s desire for backstory and gossip is coupled with the artist desire to create we find an area in which stories are told regardless of intent. The Polish filmmaker, Krzystztof Keilowski, said that his life and its influences should always be present in his work but that the viewer should never be able to notice it.

Louise Bourgeois did not reveal her history until her husband's death, whereupon she gained a level of notoriety that revolved around her life story her critical appreciation began when the viewer was told what to think. Similarly, Tracey Emin has always confronted her personal history directly in the public eye through her practice. In her work everyone I have ever slept with Emin’s story was there in the title the work and even the exhibition guide. Her collaboration with Bourgeois again highlights Emin’s desire of the story.

In discussing not becoming a mother, Emin has stated that she sees her paintings as her children, and describes the feeling of failure that engulfed her as being sued by seeing her work exhibited. By telling you who they are and why they came, do the artists open doors for further interpretation, or do they close them? If an artist can drive a viewer to a specific thought pattern, then there is a greater chance of success in achieving transferences of an exact attitude.

Page 47:

“Up until this point I had undertaken a largely relational practice, asking others to contribute their words to my work. I thought it more important to portray their emotions than mine in order to connect. Yet, as a backbone to each project I used my own backstory. My own struggles. As if I was afraid to confront myself directly. As if my own identity was easier to find in the words of others. Maybe I just didn’t want to feel like I had been alone. Maybe I just wanted validity.”

Page 50:

Wolfgang Tillmans is a massive installation at the Tate modern as part of his 2017 retrospective featured a number of projected screens displaying extracts of his video work, whilst a constructed soundtrack played and white spotlights rotated across the bare concrete. Occasionally blinded by light, or overpowered by music, your eyes and ears remain active, searching the darkness for the next movement, waiting for a video to begin and wondering which screen it may appear on. In between the films, in the time you wait and as your eyes adjust to the light, you search the actions of others. You wonder which anxiety or fear stop them from becoming a must, and even what the initial cause of that feeling was. Tilmans creates a space where we are drawn into a natural instinct of voyeurism, a characteristic of his work as a whole. - A thinking point for my 303 installation idea.

Page 56:

Freud continued on to say in his essay that painful memories are easily hidden for good reasons. It seems to me that there is an obvious similarities within the practice of certain artists to vary their own personal traumas within the work they create. Where the conversation dilutes is the point at which an artist confronts trauma on a collective scale. An artists job is to conceal the trauma in such a way that it is revealed to the viewer.

References:

Guy-Watkins, O., (2017). Points Of Trauma: A Consideration of the Influence Personal and Collective Trauma Has on Contemporary Art. Ruysdael Press. Available at https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=-6TcswEACAAJ. IPT Miami, (no date). Learning How to Unlock Tissue Memory. [Online]. Available at https://www.iptmiami.com/news/Learning_How_to_Unlock_Tissue_Memory. [Accessed on 30/01/2021]

[powermakesussick]

Q&A with Power Makes Us Sick

A condensed version of this piece appears in the Spring 2021 issue of Slingshot.

A few years ago, when I was living in Europe, I heard about a feminist healthcare collective called Power Makes us Sick (PMS). They were organizing and holding workshops, writing, printing and distributing zines, beautiful posters, and free resources, in different countries in the EU, in South America, as well as in the US.  Being very curious and excited to hear about this project, I read and saw more of what they were sharing with folks, and putting out into the world, all rooted in an anti-authoritarian, anti-capitalist perspective, politics, and practice. And in the process, the PMS collective was creating and connecting broad networks of projects, communities, and individuals involved in various forms of healthcare, as well as various forms and fabrics of political struggle. I felt inspired to try to meet with some of them in order to learn more, and hopefully spread the word about PMS, who they are, what they're about, and what they do.

What follows in this article is an interview with some of the members of the collective. Hope readers out there find this useful, and that we all deepen and solidify our networks and relationships of care in our own lives and communities. Stay safe out there, and take good care of yourselves and each other.

"Self-care can't cure social diseases"

In solidarity, Sarafina Witch Militia Northeast

Who is PMS? We are called Power Makes Us Sick, which kind of speaks for itself in a way. We're an anti-national group that researches autonomous health practices and shares the good news about all the ways we can and do care for one another outside of and in opposition to the state and capitalism.

How does PMS relate to issues of health? Where do you fit in? “We're all a bit sick. In some ways we are healing. We're all healers in some way. We're all growing stronger or learning how to better act in the world through this collective and others. There's a lot of little things that we've just accidentally found out along the way that we all have in common, they didn't start off as rallying points.”

“Take what you need and compost the rest” is a slogan and an approach that inspires us.

Our work is centered around sharing skills, resources, and tools. A mutual aid with emphasis on the “mutual”. We offer our support to social movements and others fighting back against oppression. We make new friends along the way, we share strategies and lessons from their experiences and ours. They help us refine our tools, and then we bring all of that back to the group and are able to share new skills farther and wider.

What is autonomy? What is health? What are practices of autonomous health? Autonomy, in our context, really doesn't mean “solo” or on the level of the “individual”. It's something that only begins to make sense in a collective context, and against repression, control, and institutional power. We see it wherever people are finding each other and coming together to directly bring about the kind of world they wish to see.

In terms of “health” it's the kind of health we want to see in the world, not necessarily in the ways it is conceived of by those in power. If “health” is related in a certain context to work and productivity, we might refuse to be healthy. Alternatively, we might choose to say this or that aspect of the dominant society is profoundly “unhealthy”, sickening, sick...

Our working model of health encompasses the mental, physical, and social aspects and we want to incorporate an understanding of each part. We are inspired by an example given to us by our friends at the “group for an other medicine” (rough translation) in Thessaloniki, who say that if there is mold in a building and you're only looking at the physical health of the individuals, you might treat the affected lungs, but if you understand health in a social context, you might come together to pressure the owner of the building to remove the mold. This is just an example of how the shift to the social can help address the issue at its core.

We too often feel that the dominant practices of healthcare ignore the health of the social body. By shifting the discourse to encompass the social, we can get a better picture of the things that are ailing us as a society, whether that be the way that capitalism makes us all very anxious, the way that industrial civilization itself encourages us to work ourselves to death, the way that patriarchy can make us feel very small (or gets us killed), the way that racism means we ignore the pain of certain people (or gets us killed), among a myriad of other social ailments.

While those in power may work to incorporate that in diagnosis and policy, there is a point beyond which their analysis and actions won't go. Anxiety, depression or dependency might be portrayed as “mental health epidemics” with social causes and outcomes, but they will never be portrayed as a symptom of capitalism and various forms of exploitation, exclusion, and extraction. Giving ourselves the freedom to make that analysis can open up new spaces to work in.  This consciousness doesn't mean we can write and analyse our way to better health, but it can give us an edge, an organising basis, a direction to go in.

This is where practices of autonomous health comes in. Methods and means can be pirated and communalised, or found in already existing popular and folk contexts. In our zines, we share examples of what autonomous health care looks like in practice through articles, reportbacks, and interviews. The mental, physical, and social aspects are not necessarily distinct from one another, but we cover them all in each zine. In Issue #2 (2017) you can see physical health being addressed in a reportback from a DIY abortion workshop, as well as a comprehensive article about gut flora, probiotics, and microbiome health and resilience. In that same issue, emotional wellbeing is addressed in an article about how to perform a hex, and a guide to some acupressure exercises for stress and anxiety. The health of the social body is addressed via reportbacks from sex worker organizing), a report on an anti-surveillance makeup workshop PMS organized in Berlin, and more. You can download (and print for free, although we appreciate donations) that zine and others on our website.

What are the inspirations or prior struggles that PMS is building on? We put together a very incomplete and eclectic list of instances that came to our minds. We have a lot to say about each of these inspirations and struggles, so if you want to hear more, perhaps you can read some of our report backs or otherwise get in touch:

Greek solidarity clinics (particularly in Thessaloniki and Athens) post-2008

Icarus Project (New York, et al.) [now Fireweed Collective]

Health organizing from our past and in our own communities that we have left behind (personal failures within the Woodbine autonomous health track, the failures of so many accountability processes, the blockades, the occupations, the herbal mutual aid efforts that have come and gone, etc.)

Out of Action (Germany) and Activist Trauma Support (UK)

Black Mesa Indigenous support (Stone Cabin Collective)

All of the sex work and sex worker organizing that so many of us have been involved with over the years

Standing Rock med tent

No More Deaths (so-called US/Mexico border)

Lincoln Hospital occupations (South Bronx, 1969, 1970); Lincoln Detox (1970-78); Dr. Mutulu Shakur

Socialist Patients' Collective (Heidelberg, West Germany 1970- present)

Radical Herbalism Gatherings (UK, 2014-present)

The Gynepunks in Catalonia

The Solidarity Apothecary / Nicole Rose / The Prisoner's Herbal

Pirate Care (Croatia / Europe / worldwide)

Many people working in the 'undercommons' of the NGO-industrial complex

How do you all work together as a group, especially given that you're all far apart? Since we don't get the chance to meet in person very often, a lot of our organizing is done online. We'd already been meeting over an encrypted video chat site for years, so once the pandemic started, we had a communication strategy ready to go and could continue meeting as usual (almost).

Sometimes we come together in person to work on projects or respond to specific calls for support. Actually, that's how most of us who are with the project now have met each other, in doing the work along the way. We've been exploring new modes of emotional support for some time now, and most of the instances where we've been asked to support social movements have centered around bolstering different existing communities' infrastructure for support in, and after, potentially traumatic events, such as actions and occupations that involve direct conflict with the state. Along the way, we met others interested in working on this topic and have expanded our networks and our collective through those relationships that have been made “on the ground”.  

One key aspect informing our organizing is a prioritization of one another's wellbeing over the productivity of the group as a whole. In practice, this means making time and space to check in before and after our meetings and following up with one another to offer support outside of meetings. We talk about emotional support, herbal remedies, or just brainstorm solutions to health-related issues that come up for us as people. This also means that a lot of what we do tends to move slowly as we give ourselves the time we need to work at whatever pace our own health needs require. We create spaces where we can be honest with one another about where we're at and what our capacities are, so that we can do the work that we want to do together with intention.

What are some of the shared beliefs that have brought the group together? “Action dries your tears! Self care can't cure social diseases! Most of us are not doctors!”

We don't have these set in stone, but there are definitely some common threads that come from our experiences and that we've encountered. There's a few points that stand out as some kind of “tenets towards an autonomous healthcare”. These areas are consent, accountability, self-defense, and illegalism. They might be more open questions than core beliefs, but we certainly see them as crucial, and sometimes underdeveloped, in movements and initiatives we've been involved with.

How does the matter of consent come up in your work, and how do you navigate that? Our approach to consent in care goes something like this: take measures to ensure that you are getting consent from folks before providing care whenever possible. Be conscious and respectful of the tools and practices that the individual (or community) in question might already be using. Honor and strengthen those practices and offer information about additional sources of support if it makes sense or it is requested of you. Always ask folks what help they need first and what they are already doing: they probably have a good idea of what support they need or want anyway. We look to harm reduction principles, which affirm that each of us is capable of determining what our own health, healing, and well-being could look like, and that these understandings are a valuable basis upon which care and support can be provided. Caring is a process; consent needs to be obtained and maintained throughout that process.

Beyond offering care, consent extends into the way we relate to one another in the group as well. We make decisions on the basis of consensus, which for us is about people in the group consenting to doing work that they feel called to, that coheres around their values, or simply that they feel good about. Consensus is not about unanimity, but unity, which is generated through shared commitment. It is about slowing down in order to take the time to consider and address everyone's concerns, as well as their cool ideas. When we practice with consent and consensus in these little ways, like decision making, we learn what it feels like and can spread that farther and wider into the everyday.

Self-defense and health aren't necessarily topics you would expect to see together. How do you see them relating? For any movement to substantively or even marginally challenge capital, self-defense must be considered. The line between self-defense and care is quite blurred. How can movements survive without defending themselves from the many systems of exploitation, dominance, coercion, and oppression that we experience in our daily lives? And further, how can we defend ourselves without cultivating our own infrastructures of care to patch the literal and emotional wounds, both current and ancestral? In our zine on autonomous trans healthcare, we wrote of the Stonewall riots in 1969: “If you are so accustomed to fighting to exist on a regular basis, and fighting to keep your friends and loved ones alive, you are already so enmeshed in, and so concerned with a community self-defense that letting the brick fall on someone who is attacking you is simply not so far of a stretch.” We think this is how it starts; survival and self-defense are just so intertwined for so many.

Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P Johnson, who were involved with the riots, were founders of STAR: Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries, a group focused on direct action as well as harm reduction and providing housing and food for other trans/gender-nonconforming people. It's clear to us that these aspects of the movement are so much a part of one another that no distinction is clear. When self defense becomes care, when care becomes a riot, when these become interchangeable - that's when it becomes revolutionary, when substantial change begins to happen.

How do you approach the question of illegalism? What does that mean to you? In short, we are against the law.

It is an essential aspect of state formation to criminalize solidarity. In most contexts, like wherever there is a state, it is illegal to meaningfully take care of one another's health without supervision. Acts of care are criminalized; such as sharing food with houseless people, providing shelter to those without the documentation the state demands, and distributing medication without a license. We are guided by our theoretical approach and stay grounded in the history of past projects of autonomous and illegalist care, but often it is most effective to learn by doing, bringing us into direct conflict with the state.

Solidarity means taking care of one another. When we learn to take risks for one another's wellbeing, we learn to render the walls of division obsolete. Sometimes people are baffled by the idea that these seemingly trivial acts would be illegal, but of course they are. Taking action through seizure, distribution, or provision of what is necessary for survival in the face of oppression interrupts and challenges the state's ability to maintain power. State power depends on the ability to decide who is a citizen and who is not, who deserves “rights” and who doesn't, and ultimately who lives and who dies. That is whack, obviously, and so we aspire to shift the responsibility of care into the hands of the community.

This is why we don't just passively skirt the law, but we support practicing in a way that essentially renders “the law” totally irrelevant. Remember, “you didn't see shit.” We're doing the work in a manner that DIRECTLY creates the world that we want to see. That means us being able to take care of one another's bodies entirely on our own terms, with consent, with abundance, with nurturance.

Is that why you're an anonymous collective? It seems this is directly connected to how you relate to legality. Yes, anonymity is practical: we may allegedly do things that are not considered entirely lawful, or that the state considers a threat. Sometimes this looks like direct action; often these are simply things we do to survive. When we don't connect our names and faces to our work, we can speak more openly in hopes of sharing our tools and strategies with others living lives that are similarly outside of the law. Some of us have faced doxxing by fascists or harassment by abusive people in our own scenes. You may see some of us at events or workshops, or out doing things in our communities, because some degree of identification is sometimes what's needed to build connections of trust with others, but maintaining good security practices is essential for us.

Anonymity can be a tool for accountability: it may feel counterintuitive when we're used to an emphasis on visibility, but speaking and moving as a nebulous collective means that no one can use our work to build themself a platform or gather social capital, or actual capital/money, for that matter. We have agreed to refuse to do so ourselves.

We recognise that being denied visibility can be part of the harm and repression inflicted on us by power. It can be degrading and demoralising when we don't get recognition for our actions: either because care and healing are less visible and less valued than other forms of activity - or because we consciously chose (alleged) criminality and anonymity over taking credit.

Also, speaking from a position of anonymity doesn't mean you speak for everyone. It might be necessary to be very clear about the standpoint you're talking from. At least, it's important not to speak for those whose experiences you don't share.

These problems open up a strategic question about what kinds of visibility are useful as a means, but for us it's never simply an end.

“Accountability” can be understood in a lot of different ways. Usually, in radical communities it is understood in a very specific context around harm. It sounds like you all might be intending for it to be understood differently. Can you elaborate on what this concept means to you?

Accountability is an elusive principle that we constantly aspire to develop and understand within ourselves, with each other, and in our communities. Why is it so hard? We could start by looking at two different ways accountability gets used. First is the view that seems common in activist, anarchist, queer, feminist communities. There, accountability is often seen as a response to harm, something that’s primarily invoked when one person harms another, often in the form of abuse and sexual violence. The second way accountability can be understood is as an ongoing practice of care, or as harm-reduction, a continual basis for healing and reparation(s), which may open up some new possibilities and directions.

What is the accountability model and what were some of the inspirations behind it? Here we understand accountability as a kind of shared responsibility, specifically in relation to a person's health. Being able to 'account' for each other. We have been developing a tool for groups to use to move towards collective engagement in the health of many individuals, in an overlapping web of smaller groups. We were inspired by some models that people were already using to reinvent how they thought about healthcare for themselves, including the clinic at Vio.me in Thessaloniki, the Icarus Project, and others. In Thessaloniki in the wake of “the crisis”, some newly-unemployed medical professionals were able to reinvent health care from the ground up by creating an experimental clinic in a factory squatted by workers. Later, some of those involved developed the “group for an other medicine” whose project was a system starting with an expansive initial interview that would take about three hours or “as long as was needed” with (1) someone from their community, (2) a 'doctor', and (3) a 'psychologist'. They would use an exhaustive questionnaire to inform a comprehensive discussion about the person's wellbeing, some next steps, and how to achieve them together. It also served as a kind of health record for many of the migrants who otherwise did not have papers of this type that they were in control of and could take with them. Drawing heavily from how inspired we were by what we saw of their process, we wanted to adapt this for folks who might not have access to a a physical clinic, whose networks might be more spread out, or for groups of friends and comrades in community with one another.

Our accountability model is a guide with suggestions for how people might form such a group themselves. It covers the types of commitments and boundaries participants might choose to make with one another, a series of questions for the long interview itself, and ideas about how to move forward and continue working on core issues once they've been identified. Right now, it also contains some practical suggestions around security and group process that would aid in keeping everyone safe and secure. The idea is to redistribute accountability for each other throughout the ties that exist between people who already share community with one another, and shift responsibility (and therefore power) into the hands of the community while mapping out and making visible the pre-existing relationships of care so that they can more heavily be relied upon. This means building ties based on accountability and support for the wellbeing of each individual in a pre-emptive way - building stronger relationships of care before people break under the burdens of capitalism and other oppressions, and the community is left to pick up the pieces.

What are you working on right now? Our most recent zine came out last May and was a collection of preliminary ideas and resources in response to the Covid-19 pandemic - much of this is still relevant and reflects what we are doing right now.

As for our current public-facing work, we're forming a new publication tentatively titled “An Abolitionist's Guide to Autonomous Emotional Support”, which will focus on concrete models and tools to support the emotional wellbeing of our communities on our own terms. The general contexts we see are immediate and longer-term survival, combatting and deserting repression, isolation, “pathology”, and associated distress, harm, and capture.  We are in an environment where psychological warfare is a primary mode of attack from the state and its allies (fascists, police, the border, the psych ward, the prison). These kinds of attacks aim to divide us and leave the most vulnerable among us to deal with the consequences. Combatting this means taking the responsibility for our collective wellbeing into our own hands through care with longterm treatment plans, navigating existing resources together, and community self-defense. If we really want to get rid of the logic of the prison, we have to take on the work of caring for one another, and it isn't easy. The zine will include some ways to relate to our herbal allies, notes on how to navigate 'big psych', reflections on supports that have served us well (DBT, somatic exercises, on-the-ground emotional first aid, etc.), a toolkit for a "spa day" you can take anywhere, de-escalation and self-defense basics, an 'ask me anything' from an anarchist therapist, among other little treats.

If you are working on a project that coheres around these themes, we'd love to hear from you. We invite you to share tools and strategies that you have found useful in supporting the emotional health of your friends or community, or that have allowed you to find support in times of crisis.

How can people hear more, or how can people work with you or become involved in the collective?

On our website, there's a “Want to get involved?” section listing ways folks can connect with us and support our work.

All our zines and a bunch of shareable resources can be downloaded here [look in the “resources” tab]. Our zines are made to be shared! Feel free to print them out give them to your friends, put them in your local infoshop, add them to your zine table, leave them strategically placed around your city etc.. We have a small social media presence, but we mostly rely on people spreading the word about what we do, sharing our zines, and reaching out to us personally. If you don't have access to the internet, you can write to us and we are happy to correspond, and/or send physical copies of our zines to anyone who needs them.

PMS can be reached via e-mail at powermakesussick@riseup.net or powermakesussick@protonmail.com.

All physical mail can be sent here: PO box 234 Plainfield, VT 05667

[sathtrash]

Immortal FAHC a la sathtrash (part 1)

(That’s a dumb title, I’m aware, let me live)

Jack was a Prussian aristocrat in the 1600′s. Her mother and father were a Duke and Duchess, and her Mother’s sister was married to a son of one of the King Louis’, Jack can’t remember anymore which it was. She was well treated, and well respected, and married a sweet man from Austria when she was 17, or maybe 19(? She doesn’t remember), after being betrothed to him since they were children. They were happily married for several years before Jack’s ‘death’. She and the sweet Austrian man had been expecting a child, but being a 17th century European woman presented a lot of problems childbirth wise, and Jack succumbed to an infection after giving birth to a stillborn son. Her husband mourned her, and had her put in her family crypt with her mother and a brother who had died as an infant, and laid her to rest with their child in her arms. Jack awoke a few days after being interred in the crypt, feeling exhausted and aggrieved. She left her dead son in her dead mother’s arms, and slipped out of the still unsealed crypt doors, and took off into the night. She thought perhaps she had simply been stuck in a fever sleep, but took her freedom happily.

Geoff invaded England with King William I, the Conqueror. He was a Normand knight and was happy to fight and die for the man he believed to be his true King. Geoff followed William into battle, and at one point saved the soon-to-be King’s life, and for that he was rewarded a small lordship after William had won the throne of England. Geoff ruled his allowed keep with a fair hand, and was genuinely loved by his serfs, who saw him as a fair landlord, and a good man to do business with when tax time came. He took a wife at the behest of a few small noble friends when they said it’d help him run things if he had a wife to be his second in command. The woman seemed pleasant enough, but she was an adulteress, and while Geoff had been willing to overlook this, she decided she couldn’t deal with him anymore, simply because he wasn’t young and ‘pretty’ like her lover, and she enlisted her lover to kill Geoff for her. The lover stabbed him to death, and Geoff rose within hours, before word could get out to his people. He came upon his wife and her lover and killed them both. He had been willing to overlook a sleight on his honour as a husband, but he would not endure an attempt on his life. His wounds healed, and he went on as normal, until his Serfs realized that he didn’t seem to be aging anymore. He faked a peaceful death in his sleep, leaving his keep to a ‘nephew’ who was really himself, and kep on this way for a long time, until feudalism began to die, and he had no one on his lands that he needed to take care of, and then he left, gave his keep to a trusted friend, and disappeared.

Ryan has been around for a long time. He can no longer remember if he was Greek or Roman after some centuries, just that he spent a long time in both places. The only thing he truly remembers about either is that he was a Roman citizen when he studied astronomy and arts at the Library of Alexandria in her earlier days, but he was a Greek citizen when she was burned to the ground by Roman invaders, and the news reached him in Athens and he was furious, he refused to visit Rome until the Empire fell because he was so angry with what they’d done, and even then he’s only been once or twice since. The interesting thing for Ryan is that he simply never died. He was healthy, and aged until he was around 25 or so, perhaps closer to 30, he really doesn’t remember, and then he stopped. He moved around a lot once he realized he had reached 50 without ever looking like he was getting old. It’s partially how he gained the name of Vagabond, he was a legend throughout Europe for his wandering ways, and had simply become just that to many people, a man to be feared as a children’s bedtime story, no longer a real man, but a boogieman to some, an everliving being who seemed to come in with plagues, and if you saw him, surely a disease would follow. Simply because he had been in Spain during the plague and had not succumbed, because he bathed regularly (when you spend time in Alexandria you learn the wonders bathing does for your health from the Jewish and Muslim people who surround you).

(Lads and more under the cut)

Gavin was nearly an English prince through marriage. His family were Italian nobles, and he had been given to the English King to foster at a young age, betrothed to Henry VIII’s older daughter Mary, who was a few years older than him. When the King’s second daughter Elizabeth was born, and Mary was illegitimized as his heir, the King broke the engagement, but maintained a relationship with him that was amiable enough that he allowed Gavin a small keep near Hatfield House, where he was allowed to spend time as a companion and friend to Lady Mary, and the baby princess Elizabeth. He spent much time with them as Elizabeth grew up, and he helped the younger daughter with her language studies, only a lady like her half-sister by the time she was old enough to learn. News had reached his family that he was no longer betrothed to the Catholic Princess, but as he was an adult they could do nothing to bring him back from the place he now considered home. He remained at Hatfield for a number of years before being touched by Sweating Sickness and dying within a day of his symptoms appearing. He was being prepared for burial when he awoke, scaring a maid half to death. Knowing he couldn’t stay when there was such talk of witches and rising from the dead, he slipped out of his quiet home near Hatfield in the night and disappeared.

Michael was a young man during World War I. He was born at the turn of the century and his family considered their millennium baby a good luck charm for their family. They ran a small mob business, nothing big or visible to the police, but successful enough that they considered Michael’s luck to be a big part of it. When he enlisted in the Great War in 1916 he had no qualms about helping, he’d always dreamed of something more than being in Jersey his whole life, so why not join the military. He ended up joining the army and training in munitions, which he relished in. It was an unfortunate accident that he happened to be in Halifax in December of 1917. He had been aboard a French munitions ship called the Mont-Blanc, he’d boarded with a few other American Army in New York, and they were going to Bordeaux via the Halifax Harbour for a refuel and to pick up more supplies. The freighter collided in the Bedford Basin straight with a Norwegian ship called the Imo, and caught fire. Her munitions caught light, and caused the biggest manmade explosion ever (until the atomic bombs of course). The explosion devastated the Richmond district of Halifax, and sent Michael flying so far he nearly reached the Citadel. But he was in one piece, completely alive, and narrowly avoided being impaled on a cast iron fence. His family had been right all along; Michael was the luckiest boy, especially coming out of that explosion. He gathered himself, got to a hospital, and claimed he’d been on leave, and began trying to help where he could, mostly carting in bodies and the injured, helping nurses move people back and forth from rooms and hallways and offices, and bringing the dead down to the morgue to be cleaned and prepared for family identification, if they indeed had family left to mourn them. And the ones who no longer had families, Michael would take their personal effects and hold onto them to remember them. He had been lucky enough to survive a blast that had a casualty count of over 10,000 when you tallied together deaths and injuries, and they had been on land, he’d been on the ship and lived, and he only thought it right, saw it as a way to atone for what happened. He stayed in Halifax for a number of years, claiming he’d been discharged after losing sight in one eye from a shard of glass caused by the blast breaking a window in the room he’d been in, while being thought dead by those at home. 

Jeremy was the youngest of the crew. Born in the late fifties, he was a young man in the disco scene of the 1970′s, and his flamboyant nature thrived in the bright hues and thumping beats of disco. He lived and breathed for orange bell bottoms and purple sequined shirts. Disco was an escape, one that brought him away from a hard family life, and into the music industry. He was a rising star in the disco scene, people loved Rimmy Tim, and in the ever disco prejudiced America, to be loved as a disco artist was a feat all on it’s own. But the movement in the US died quick, and so did the rising star of Jeremy’s career, disco was a niche he couldn’t figure out how to move outside of, hard rock and roll was the thing now, a far cry from what he loved, and still far away from the rap his disco would evolve into later, decades later. With no outlet for his frustrations Jeremy, like many before him had done, with no outlets, he turned to substance abuse, alcohol and hallucinogenic drugs simply to try and bear a crushing weight of illhandled childhood trauma, depression, and anxieties. He overdosed in 1976, three years before disco was officially dead. He figured if he couldn’t be a star like he had been moving towards, he’d go out like one, and die in a blaze of liquor, drugs, and glory like Hendrix. Except Jeremy woke up. And with nothing else to do, he disappeared. And the only thing he was ever remembered for was a brief career, an absurd orange and purple outfit, and a simple disappearance, never to be seen again as Rimmy.

Lindsay and Trevor were friends in the late Victorian period. They had grown up together, Lindsay the daughter of the head housemaid and butler, and Trevor the son of a Lord. Trevor’s father was familiar and affectionate to his house staff, considering them as good as family in every aspect of life, and had named the Collins’ butler, a man affectionately referred to only as Tuggey both above and below stairs, as Trevor’s Godfather, should something happen to the family. He and Lindsay were tutored together, played together, and often had little sleepovers on the couches in his father’s library. The two were thick as thieves, and when Trevor was older, and began taking on more important roles in the house, he made sure that Lindsay was hired on, and had a small trust place in her name in case she ever decided to leave service. The two remained happily friends until an incident happened. A new young maid who had been hired on had left an oil lamp on in the kitchen after she’d cleared up for the night. The lamp glass had a fault no one had seen, and the heat caused it to shatter, and spit out embers with the broken glass, it caught a few pairs of stockings Lindsay and the other girls had left out to dry, and soon the kitchen was in flames. Trevor lived on one of the lower floors for convenience, and smelled the smoke while he was reading in bed, and had jumped into action. By the time he reached below stairs the kitchen and one hallway were burning, and it was fast approaching the servants quarters. Without a thought for himself Trevor moved into action and began knocking on doors, yelling at the servants to go out the back door at the opposite end of the hall from the flames, a door they only used to above stairs deliveries, trying to save their lives. He had been the only person above stairs to be home, both his parents up at his Grandmother’s dower house for the night to visit with her, as she had been ill, so he needn’t worry about them. But when he was outside with the servants and had taken count, he realized two were missing, Lindsay and her mother, who had developed a bad hip and had trouble moving quickly. Usually Lindsay’s mother stayed with Tuggey in their little cottage on the house’s grounds, but her hip had been hurting something awful that evening and she elected to stay in Lindsay’s room with her for the night. Trevor had raced back inside to Lindsay’s room, and found her in the hallway trying to help her mother outside. Lindsay had been badly burned trying to help her mother, and soon so was Trevor when he simply picked the woman up and carried her outside, Lindsay on his heels. Lindsay’s mother was mostly alright, save a somewhat bad burn on her hands from a brass door handle, but Trevor and Lindsay’s burns should have killed them. They both received bad burns on their arms and faces from being near the flames that had licked overhead. But after a long time healing, both were fine. But they were certain they shouldn’t have been. 

[codyrichards91]

Reiki Therapy Certification All Time Best Cool Tips

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