#₊˚⊹♡ ̩͙‏︵ re ; jesse

[synthized]

when   i   was   just   a   child,   i   called   out   to   someone   from   beyond   the   void,   through   the   television   static   of   boxing   gloves   &   slurred   speeches   i   had convinced myself   was   my   father.   even   through   the   tears,   the   loneliness,   the   heartbreak,   i   called   out   to   someone,   praying   with   my   tiny   hands   that   someone   would   heal   the   broken   space   within   my   dad-less   heart   [   .   .   .   ]   i   was   just   a   child   when   i   met   you   for   the   first   time.   you   were   not   my   father.   you   were   not   my   mother.   yet   as   our   eyes   met,   i��  knew   you   were   family. my permanent scar. my eternal scratch.    in that moment, no questions asked, no doubts, no fears ; hell, perhaps we didn't even know the truth until years later  [   .   .   .   ]  i   saved   you.   you   saved   me.  [   .   .   .   ] perhaps    it    was    my    fault    that    i    stayed    with    steven    for    so    long,    deserving    of    what    he    did    to    me.    it's    not    as    if    i    treated    him    well.    i    could    have    put    my    body    on    the    line.    overcame    my    insecurities.    been    a    good    ''girl''    for    the    boy    who    gave    me    a    roof    over    my    head,    food    on    the    table,    laughter    that    i    missed    so    fucking    much.    until    you    came    along.    light    of    the    luan.    my    darling.    my    love.    my    anchor.    the    angel    in    the    dark.    the    crow    feathers    of    comfort.    the    rose    petal    salvation    sprayed    into    the    crook    of    your    neck.    525,    you    said.    that    is    your    home,    jesse,    our    home.    OUR    REBIRTH   [   .   .   .   ]  there   is   nothing   else   i   have   wanted   more   than   this.   me,   you   &   us.   in   a   flaming   star   where   love   flows   eternal.

°•*⁀➷ excerpt from REBIRTH ABOVE ALL ; the upcoming autobiography regarding the story of rebirth. jesse, scratch & luan ₊˚⊹♡

[nanamikentoseyebags]

GOT ME CRYING LIKE A BITCH EXCUSE MY FRENCH 😭😭😭😭 I'M KISSING EVERY WORD, EVERY LIL COMMA IN THIS WORK, THIS IS SO WARM, SO WHOLESOME, SO VITAL FOR ME AHHHH😭😭😭 I NEED HIM SO BAD, I'M ON MY KNEES BEGGING FOR HIM TO BE REAL, I CAN'T- JESS, YOU'RE THE SWEETEST SOUL, I LOVE YOU SO FREAKING MUCH, THANK YOU FOR THIS😭💛💛💛

hey jess my sunshine, can i request a prompt  “you’re so warm.” “i hear you, but we really need to get up, love.”  with kento ofc! you're the best, i love you so so so much, have the best day/night, mwaaaaah💛

hi julie my lovely forest fairy !! i love you so much more i hope you enjoy this <33

join the party!

the alarm had gone off ten minutes ago now, but you still found yourself nuzzled against kento’s side, taking in the smell of his body wash mixed with the freshly washed sheets.

you could hear the birds singing and the sunlight bleeding through the still closed blinds, but you didn’t dare open your eyes or move an inch. between kento’s body heat and his fingers running up and down your back you could already feel yourself falling back asleep.

“don’t fall asleep on me again darling” his raspy voice brings you back from the edge of sleep, your eyes slowly opening and squinting up at the blonde man.

“was resting my eyes” you tease, scooting closer to him and resting your head on his chest, your arm wrapping around him. “you’re so warm” you sigh happily, eyes already fluttering shut as his fingers find their way into your hair.

“i know” he sighs, “but we really need to get up, love” you can hear the rumbling of his voice from his chest as he speaks, scooting up a bit so his back rested against the headboard of the bed.

reluctantly you’re lifting your head as he scoots up, flopping onto your back before rolling over and wedging yourself under his arm so your head was in his lap.

“wanna just stay like this all day” your murmur, the golden rays of the sun catching you perfectly as he looks down with a soft smile.

maybe it’s because you looked so comfortable or because you looked completely angelic. maybe it’s because your pleading eyes always seem to work on him or because you were already dozing off again.

“okay, my love” he whispers, smoothing your hair a bit before speaking again, “we can just stay like this.”

deep down kento knows the real reason he’s muttering the words to you, making himself comfortable after he sends gojo a text, telling him he won’t be able to head to campus today.

he knows it’s because he wants to stay in bed with you all day as well, waking up only when you both get hungry. he wants to make pancakes with you and see you get flour on your face somehow so he can swipe it off and give you small kisses. he wants to make your coffee just how you like it and cuddle next to each other on the couch, watching your favorite show.

he wants to feel the day pass slowly, but too fast at the same time. he wants to lose track of time between your giggles and the cat naps you both take.

he just wants to be with you.

[scarlet4rose]

Sleepless without you

Jess Mariano x reader

--------------˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖---------------

story: your boyfriend Jess wakes you up in the middle of the night cause he can't fall asleep, he's too busy thinking about you

--------------˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖---------------

It´s 3 am and Jess lies awake in his bed. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees your face before his eyelids. He turns around in bed, but he can't get you out of his mind. Jess sighs, thinking about you all the time without you with him is driving him crazy!

When he dropped you off at your house at 10pm, you said you were super tired, so he didn't want to ask you if he could stay over. So he had decided to go to bed early himself too, but now he couldn't find any sleep no matter what he tried. Dammit! One thing was clear, despite of what he had set out to do he just had to see you!

A few minutes later, he had crept to your house in the dark of night and was now standing in front of your window. He knocks, at first gently, then louder.

"Y/n", he whispers your name and fervently hopes you hear him and have not yet fallen into a deep sleep. After a while he hears noises in your room and you open the window a crack.

"Jess?", your sleepy voice couldn't sound any sweeter to Jess and he starts to grin "Yes, it's me babe, as I live and breathe"

You open the window all the way to let him in and he doesn't let a second pass before he joins you in your room.

"What are you doing here?" you ask confused, "I thought we were both going to bed early?" Jess pulls his left leg through the window and is immediately right in front of you, he puts his hands on your hips and gives you a quick kiss on the cheek. "Change of plans, I guess."

"Oh nooo, Jess, I'm really tired," you sigh.

"Yeah, me too, angel"

"Then why the hell didn't you stay home in bed?"

Jess smiles guiltily and lets out a small chuckle "I couldn't sleep without you. I just... I couldn't help it, I had to come here to see you" Your knees go a little weak and you notice his gaze, which he hasn't yet taken away from you for a mere second.

You sigh again "Alright Jess, then stay, I guess" Jess leans in and kisses you deeply, he pulls away from you and then gives you a second kiss. he really can never get enough of you.

"Thanks, babe, I was hoping you'd say that" he then laughs suppressedly "Without your mercy, I probably would have died of insomnia tonight" you roll your eyes "Oh please! The way I see it, I'm the one now who's gonna die of insomnia tonight instead"

Jess shakes his head as he gently twists your body around so that your back is now pressed against his chest. He slowly walks you back to your bed in the corner of the room. "Nah, no way Y/N. You`re gonna get your sleep, I promise".

Standing in front of the bed, he slowly lowers you onto the mattress and pulls the covers over you before getting in bed himself. He wraps his arms around you and whispers softly "Y/N, angel, I swear I came here just cause I needed to see you. Needed to be with you, alright?" You can't help but smile while you lean back against him "Oh Jess, I guess you`re growing soft. My Jess, my poor Jess..."

Jess frowns slightly "whatever that means. I snuck out and came here to see my girl, that`s not... well- I thought you wanted to get some sleep. You wanna start arguing now?" You grin and turn your head around to kiss your boyfriend on the cheek

"No need to argue, baby, you´re the toughest guy I know, really. well, and...", you can feel his heart beating faster behind you, "and I love you"

Jess presses a kiss on your forehead and hugs you even tighter.

"I love you, too, Y/n"

you snuggel into him and the two of you drift off to sleep.

Good night ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

[hyugaruma]

H&L SMAU: When You Tease Them

♡

re: when you tease them via text message (mild NSFWish - under the cut)

featuring: ranmaru, jesse, nakagoshi, and yuken

♡

Ranmaru

He takes to ignoring most people who text him (including you), but one sure fire way to get him to respond fast is by sending him some spicy pictures. He’s got each and every one of them saved to his camera roll. In fact, that’s all that’s in his camera roll.

Jesse

Catch him knocking at your door in five minutes tops. The idea of you in a piece that matches his signature jacket? Actually, scratch that, because you’ll be wearing your new set and his jacket. And he will be asking to take some pictures of you in your new outfit. Don’t worry, the pictures are for him and him only. He’d kill anyone else who caught even a glimpse.

Yuken

Trying to tease your boyfriend? Good luck with that. Yuken seemingly always finds a way to flip the script and have you be the one blushing at your phone screen. He’s good at it, and he knows it too. Keep it up, because it’s a game he loves to play.

Nakagoshi

He’s too sweet, and much too oblivious. It usually takes him a minute to catch up to your flirting (not that he doesn’t like it, man he really loves it). Give him a second to realize what exactly you’re saying; he might get a tad shy, but he’ll show you he can give the teasing back just as easily.

[prythiansprincess]

⋆⭒˚.⋆ ── about the author.

hey, hi, hello! my name is jess and i'm a professional yapper and an undercover yearner. this blog is basically my never-ending trauma dump. ♡

about me: she/her. i'm in my twenties, an aries, and a slytherin. i'm obsessed with dark academia, true crime, and anything morbid and macabre. lover of classic literature, pretentious poetry, and greek mythology.

music: sleep token, bad omens, deftones, arctic mokneys, mother mother, the strokes, halsey, wallows, inhaler, chase atlantic, the weeknd, and lana del rey.

books: if we were villains, the secret history, a song of ice and fire, gone girl, alone with you in the ether, pride and prejudice, acotar, harry potter, and dramione fanfics.

⋆⭒˚.⋆ ── blog rules.

i. currently writing for: the slytherin boys + acotar.

ii. please unfollow me if you're a minor. the majority of my writing is explicit and intended for readers over the age of 18. my posts and reblogs may also contain nsfw material that isn't suitable for those underage.

iii. my inbox is a safe space for cute little chats and feral unhinged rants re: any of the characters i'm currently writing for. it is, however, not a place to send hate. I have no tolerance for rude and mean comments. reminder: i'm an aries so if you go low, i'll go lower and take us all to hell.

iv. i'm always open to requests, but I can't guarantee that I will write for each one I receive. it just depends on what inspires me at the moment. I do appreciate and adore all you little cuties who trust me with your ideas. <3

with that being said, welcome and I hope you enjoy!!

[saintgoths]

ᴘɪɴᴋ ʟɪɢʜᴛɴɪɴɢ

JEALOUS!ELLIE X READER - PINK LIGHTNING.

[PART THREE TO FADE INTO YOU].

WORD COUNT - 3,749.

RATING - 18+. [angst, smut, blackmailing, fingering, oral Ellie!receiving, strap use reader!receiving].

SUMMARY - there’s nothing worse than allowing guilt to consume you but there’s nothing more worse than allowing the guilt to chase away the lover you actually want.

this is the finale to fade into you, requests are open, especially for ellie!

if you want to join a the last of us discord/joel miller discord here you go! 𓆩♡𓆪

It had been a week ever since your encounter with Ellie and you had gone against your promise, you didn’t make any moves to break up with Justin.  It was the guilt; it had drowned you completely and it had forced you to stick by him. During your road of guilt, you had started to avoid Ellie, who was at first excited to move forward with you but her happiness quickly exhausted when she had observed you still surrounded yourself with him and avoided her.

She wasn’t sad this time, she was angry, angry at herself for believing your lie of a promise, still, she was angry at you because you could end this all but you decided not to. She had wanted to speak to you but you had always found a way to leave, nevertheless, to Ellie’s luck, there was a party being held for the town and the auburn-haired girl was sure that you were attending. Justin was likely to be there, and wherever Justin was, you were found.

You had currently been drinking with him and his friends until Jesse and Ellie had interrupted the shared conversation with their presence. You were holding Justin’s hand but with Ellie being randomly apart of the place of activity, it had erratically caused you to let go of him, still, you had been too ashamed to look at Ellie, you had tried everything to avoid her gaze, you had looked around the setting of the gathering, you had looked at your feet, your fingers, other people, it was stupid how far you went to not look at her.

You could hear Justin greet Ellie in the background and kindly, Ellie had returned his welcome; the group had resumed to talk to each other and you had altered into the country music that had blasted through the speakers.

“You good?” Justin questioned, he had lightly nudged your side, slightly worried of your quiet state, you weren’t really a silent person and you had liked to converse with people around you, Justin was someone who could easily tell something was wrong with you, categorically when you were upset and lost in thought.

You had looked up at him and had felt Ellie’s green fixed stare watch you stare up at your partner. “I’m good, I just need to go to the toilet,” you gently reassured ere you made way to the female toilets. You had placed yourself in front of a sink that had a mirror above it, you sweetened yourself up and pushed all the anxious thoughts out of your mind, but your apprehensive thoughts had to rebound when you saw Ellie enter the toilets from your peripheral view.

You sharply breathed in and resumed to freshen yourself up until you heard the lock of the entry click closed. “People need to use the toilets Ellie,” you quietly joked while your face curved to look at her, you were met with the weary and jaded expression of Ellie.

“Why haven’t you broken up with him?”

Purposely, you ignored her question and returned to face the mirror and fix your hair in hopes she would let go of it. “[Y/N],” Ellie sternly called and you turned to look at her once more, just as jaded as she was. “Why haven’t you broken up with Justin?”

“I don’t need to,” you easily replied, your forward response had pushed Ellie to scoff at your shameful reply.

“I shouldn’t have believed you,” she drawled out, “I was being stupid and should’ve realised all you do is play games and play with people’s feelings.”

In retort, you had furrowed your eyebrows, evidently against of what she had said. “I don’t play with people’s feelings.”

“Yes, you fucking do,” Ellie re-joined, “you only see me as a booty call,” and as much as Ellie had wanted to be seen strong in her response, the thought of you only seeing her as a toy to fuck had hurt her.

“I don’t see you as a booty call, Ellie,” you denied, and you were being honest, Ellie had meant much to you for you to just perceive her as someone you can fuck on the low.

“Then what do you see me as?” She asked, desperate for your insight, she had not moved a step forward or a step back, she had remained on the same spot the entire encounter, too afraid that the wrong move would lead to a terrible outcome

You had bit your lower lip, nervous and afraid but per usual, you had always responded with an answer Ellie had dreaded to hear. “I see you as my friend.”

“My God,” she exhaustingly laughed, her hands were pressed against her face as she hid the upset demeanour she had stuck on her face. “You see me as a friend with benefits,” she rudely corrected, she had placed her hands on her hips, her eyes slightly wide in shock of the indecisive behaviour you had portrayed.

She had known that you were someone who barely knew what they had wanted but this was a new level. “I don’t see you as that,” you continuously denied, but you hadn’t had anything to help with your argument, and it had made you feel dastardly carnal.

“Why haven’t you left Justin?” Ellie duplicated, you had known Ellie wasn’t someone who liked being left in the dark, you had known that even if you had found way to avoid this encounter, she’d find another way, she was stubborn and even if you had found it annoying, her obstinate attitude was what you admired about her. “Why haven’t you left Justin, knowing that you have cheated on him with me?”

“Is it the guilt?”

You had endured silent, you couldn’t argue with Ellie’s points because she was correct; all that Justin has done was bee a good and caring boyfriend, the least you could do was stay with him. “Because all you do is speak about, is him being a good person to you, so it must be the guilt,” Ellie continued, and to this point it felt like she had been speaking to herself.

“You’re right,” you eventually replied, “I want to be a good person to him, so please let me be.”

“If you want to be a good person to him you have to tell him the truth,” Ellie countered, “or I will tell him.”

Surprised, your lips had slightly peeled open in shock. It was funny how the tables had turned, previously it was you that had wanted to tell him while Ellie had thought otherwise. Yet, this time, Ellie was eager to explain everything to Justin while you had felt ghastly to the thought of her doing that. “You won’t do that,” you tensely muttered.

“I will.”

Her response had drove you to an ill-tempered guise, you had felt a wave of sadness hit you and you had wanted to leave immediately. “Let me leave.”

Promptly taken aback from her own attitude she gently raised her hand towards you, remorseful. “I’m sorry,” she quickly apologised, “I don’t know what came over me.”

Bitter to Ellie’s hostile attempt, you had narrowed your eyes towards her. “I know what it was,” you sternly replied, “you have an obsession over me, to the point that it’s so deep you can’t realise that I don’t like you back,” you spat, you had spoken without any thought and you were aware that you would feel anguish of what you had just said to her. You had walked past her and unlocked the toilet door to excuse yourself back to Justin, once you had returned to him you had kissed him on the lips prior to you returning to your drink and taking a long sip out of it.

From the corner of your eyes, you could see Ellie storm out of the toilets, she hadn’t returned to the group or even attempted look at you or Jesse, Jesse an intelligent man had without difficulty been able to notice that something between the two of you happened. He had shared a fixed stare with you before he resumed communicating with one of his friends, he had thought it was best to keep quiet, he was not one for drama and if he asked what might’ve happened in the toilets between you and Ellie, there’d be a theatrical reaction from everyone in the group.

It had been the next day since the gathering and you had accompanied Jesse for the day, he was one of your closest friends, and you two had found comfort in each other’s presences all the time. There was nothing romantic between the two of you, you had seen Jesse as an older brother just like he had seen you as his younger sister, he had always given you advice when you had asked him but sometimes, he would step in himself and tell you.

“I can tell there’s something going on between you and Ellie,” he foretold and you had sighed, you knew the topic was going to come up but it was best to not avoid it. “Did you two do something together?”

You had then pursed your lips; you had abhorred his stare as a dread of guilt had crashed into you once again. Eventually you had looked up at Jesse, remorseful, you could feel your eyes attempt to water. “I cheated on Justin with Ellie, and I feel so guilty because he treats me so good, I can’t bring myself to tell him because I don’t want to ruin what we have,” but you already had, and Jesse’s face had told you the same.

“Do what’s best,” he shortly said and you had silently agreed, his answer was shorter than it usually would’ve been and you quietly sulked. However, the tone of his voice had showed you that he would rather you tell Justin then hold it in.

“Do you think I’m a bad person?” You had then asked, your eyes big as you had attempted to hold back tears.

He sharply inhaled while he shook his head. “No, I don’t think you’re a bad person,” Jesse truthfully replied, “but I’m very disappointed in you.”

You had pouted at his response, still, you had appreciated his point and had been motivated to do what’s best for everyone.

Days had gone by and you had been drowned with infamy, you had been staying over Justin’s home and during the times you had been around him, he could feel that a commodity felt off. “What’s wrong?”

You had worn the bracelet Ellie had gifted you again, and you had fiddled with it, you had also worn the necklace Justin had gifted you for your birthday, two of the jewellery felt like anxiety calmers for you and you had no motivations to take either of them off again. “I can tell you’re upset,” Justin muttered, he had gingerly come closer to you the moment he had realised that you were on the verge of tears, you had pressed your head forward with the palm of your hand against your face, it was uncontrollable and Justin hated seeing you this way, he had attempted to bring you into a hug but you had pushed him away, you had believed you were unworthy of his touch, unworthy of his everything.

“I’m a terrible girlfriend,” you bawled out, you had then removed your hand from your face and fondled with the bracelet as Justin stared at you, dazed to what had been going on.

“What do you mean?” He asked, he had felt like there was a block in his throat, Justin had loved you, and he had cared for you and he did not want you to leave him, but if you had asked him to let you go, he would.

“Ellie made me this bracelet,” you commented, you had gathered the confidence and strength to look at him, ashamed that you had gone behind his back and laid with Ellie. “Remember the moment I came back from that patrol and I showed you what she made me and you thought it was a kind thing for her to do since Ellie and I were on bad terms during that time? And how quickly things turned bad again…”

You had paused, you didn’t need to finish what you had wanted to come clean about because Justin was smart, it took him a few seconds to realise what you had attempted to insinuate about. “You and Ellie…?”

Your eyebrows had knitted down as you had looked back at him, apologetic and contrite to your prior behaviour, you had bit your lip, penitent. “I’m sorry,” you carefully released and then it was silent again, you had looked down at your feet and touched the necklace he had gotten you. “Do you want the necklace back?”

“No, you can keep it,” he quietly responded, openly, Justin wasn’t shocked that you had sexually reconciled with Ellie, but he had been in the same time.

There was a pregnant pause and you had finally looked at him, he hadn’t looked at you but had looked sideways, he himself had tried to hold down his tears, Justin had always been an expressive man, emotionally expressive too, he was so good, too good, the both of you had something good and you ruined it. “Do you want me to leave?” You timidly asked and he had shrugged his shoulders as he looked at you again.

“I don’t know.”

You had pressed your lips together, in deep thought, you had sadly nudged your lips to the side, your thoughts regulated. “I think we should break up.”

He had shuddered at your comment but didn’t say anything. You had relaxed your face but had moved your fingers away from your jewellery and you had begun to fiddle with your fingers, “I’m not good for you and you deserve someone better,” you had wanted to hug him so bad but you had thought he had probably not wanted the same from you, he was so kind with how reserved he was, howbeit, you couldn’t sit here any longer so you had assembled the courage to stand up and leave his home.

You had believed it was a bad idea, a terrible decision to go to Ellie’s home, especially with the words you had exchanged that night, after that period of time you had not seen Ellie at all, you had gathered the maturity to apologise but the overrun of emotions had beaten you to weep in front of the sealed front door.

Ellie had opened the door and immediately noticed that you had been crying, shortly worried, she had brought you inside her cabin and directed you to her bed, once she closed the door behind her, she had scurried towards you and brought you into a warm hug. “What happened? Was it Justin?” She instantly began to question, eager to tear the man apart if he had been the reason for your desolate attitude.

“I told Justin everything and I broke up with him,” you muttered, “he deserves someone so much better than me.”

Quiet, Ellie had pulled her arms away from your figure and had fixed her hand on top of yours. You had looked at her, sadly content that she hadn’t turned you away from her doorstep. “I’m sorry for being a bitch that night,” you admittedly apologised, you yourself hadn’t understood what had come over you that night, perhaps it was you being protective over your bond with Justin and hadn’t wanted anyone to come between it, but you had already come between it with your infidelity.

“I forgive you,” Ellie kindly accepted, you hadn’t questioned why Ellie was quick to forgive you, mayhap she needed that time alone and understand that the time was yet to come.

“Thank you,” you blissfully smiled before you hugged her again, your face had been nuzzled into the crook of her neck as you had accepted the balmy temperature of her body, greedy to have more of her, you had pulled yourself back and urged your lips against hers, surprised, Ellie had yet kissed back, eager to take off your clothes and have them against her floor, the moment she had accomplished her task, her slender hands had reached your clit and she commenced to slowly rub against your clit.

Slow with her teasing and artistry, she had slid two fingers into your cunt and arched her fingers to drawl out your orgasm, your lips clasped against each other, petting each other with tongues, you had weakly moaned into her mouth as her fingers glided inside you, during the time she had trailed her lips against your jaw to your ear, she had forbidden you to cum, you had whined at her rule but you had grinded yourself against her digits, her pace quick and rough, driving you into an beaten lust, you had then arched your back as you had attempted to hold in your climax but it was too much.

You had orgasmed around her fingers, unintentionally going against her orders which had caused Ellie to pull herself away, her eyes were drilled into yours, amused that you couldn’t keep yourself together. “Naughty,” she roughly whispered.

You had then whimpered at the loss of touch. “I’m sorry.”

“Show it, show you’re sorry,” she declared, amorous and raw for your tongue, she had taken off her clothing.

You had bit the bottom of your lips, eager for her taste for you had watched Ellie’s cunt hover over you before she had rested above your face, your hands had wrapped around her upper thighs as you had lightly licked her nub, knowing that Ellie was someone who liked it rough it had caused her to ardently rub her cunt against your face, and it was what you had wanted, for her to use your face as a fuck-toy. You had diligently moaned against her heat, your tongue flat and rough as you had stroked her pearl, her tastiness tangy and sour, and all you could think was how much you had missed her aroma.

She had loudly moaned at the pressure of you sucking on her clit, without thought she had continuously bucked her muff against your face during the moment you had twirled the tip of your tongue around her bud, eager to have her climax against your face you had begun to fuck her with your tongue, your right hand had slid to her clit and you had robustly rubbed it, your ears were drowned with her loud moans and wails that you had not realised that she had finished against your face, you were consumed and gripped with her taste that you had carried on, driving her into a crazed and lewd state that had her twitching against your face.

“Fuck, that’s enough,” she had then desperately pulled herself away from your face, proud of her nectar that had been all over you, you had sat up, breathing heavily and tired as you had watched Ellie search for something. While you had wiped your damp mouth with the back of your hand, you had observed the detail of her pulling out a strap.

She had wanted to fuck you into a dumb state; she had used the strap on you before and you were apprised of her skills. Before she had turned you to your stomach, she had kissed you, desperate to share her climatic taste with you. “Turn around,” she had then whispered and you had quickly obeyed to her demand; on your stomach and your ass arched up to face her, she quickly brought her fingers to play with your clit as she sat up on her knees.

She was slow, she had ached your cunt when she slowly rubbed the tip of the strap against your heat, with your face against the pillow you had bit into the fabric when you felt the dildo submerge into you, her fingers had dug into your buttocks, moved and hot in relations to the shape of your ass, she had always loved the shape of your curves, it had always turned her on, one hand had reached into your hair while she had slowly thrusted inside of you, her movements achy and unhurried.

You had the fabric of her sheets clenched into your fists, irritable and keen to have Ellie fuck you senseless. “Ellie, please, please, Ellie,” you had gravely begged, desperate for her roughness and speed.

Cocky and imperious, she had moved slower which had pushed you to cry out in desperation, impatient you had moved your hips to move erosion faster. “Please what?” She teasingly breathed out, vexing and taunting your sensual poise.

“Please fuck me hard and fast,” you darkly begged, your state shameful and base, you had wanted to be used brutally, had wanted Ellie to punish you for the bratty attitude you had displayed for the past weeks.

“Sure baby,” she briskly promised, and instantly she had lugged her hips forwards in the state and rhythm you had begged for, your cunt being torn apart by her rough measure and ploy, breaking you into form of libido and fervor. The lustful itch that had been nesting in your pussy pointedly ruined and beaten by her coarse and bearish behaviour.

You had drooled against her pillow, your voice soundless as Ellie used your body to the apex, it had felt like you have lost your senses, lost in the wave of bliss and gratification, the moment you had felt your faculties come back again you had frequently wailed Ellie’s name. “Ellie, Ellie!” Tranced and ill-defined you had felt your climax quickly wash over, your nectar big and abrupt, satisfied, the auburn-haired girl pulled away from you, and as you had completely fell against the bed, she had taken off her strap and laid beside you.

She had been rough and unapologetic, but she had wanted you in her arms, thus the moment her duvet had covered the both of you, she had pulled you into a hug.

“I’m so sorry,” you humbly apologised, deeply obscure for your previous behaviour.

As she pressed her lip against the side of your head, she had again pulled you into a tighter hug. She had moved on from her bitter emotions and had been grateful that you had appeared on her doorstep. “You’re okay, it’s okay.”

songs that fit this song ⬎

⟶ purity ring - pink lightning. [evidently]

⟶ olivia rodrigo - 1 step forward, 3 steps back.

⟶ rihanna - te amo.

this is the finale to fade into you, requests are open, especially for ellie!

if you want to join a the last of us discord/joel miller discord here you go! 𓆩♡𓆪

masterlist

♆

[sp1cewr1tes]

Chapter 2:

Part 1

Pairing: Kendall Roy X Reader (but kinda OFC?)

OKAY KENDALL GIRLIES 👀 I don’t think you’re ever going to view sushi the same again

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Tense would be the easiest way to describe the atmosphere of Rava’s apartment at 8:30 am Monday. As Sonnie rode up the elevator, the doors opened to an angry Kendall holding a printed document in his hand. He was gesturing wildly and on the border of yelling.

“Not fucking good enough Jess, not good enough!” He stormed towards the opposing wall, placing his hands on his hips while still holding the papers.

“Kendall,”

“What did I say? I said I wanted to get on the disruption THIS week. I need to—“

“Kendall—“ Jess insisted.

He spun around,

Pissed. “What the f—“ his eyes caught Sonnie and she looked at him startled as she stepped into the apartment.

She wasn’t sure what else to do but smile.

“Morning,” Sonnie said. Jess turned to face her and smiled weakly. Kendall sighed with a scowl. The intern stepped forward again and found a seat in the living room.

“I was just telling Kendall that I wanted to have you—“

“Jess, you’re out on this. Sonnie, you need to contact Sofia from the Disruption's team and book me for this week. I want an appearance on Thursday. Understood?”

Sonnie swung her black backpack around to her front and rummaged through it while making her way to the white couch in the living room. She sat down, grabbed her planner, and began to write down information as Kendall paced furiously.

“I’ll give you the contact Info for them…” Jess half whispered as she got up and declared louder for Kendall to hear, “I’m grabbing water" before

scampering down the hall.

Sonnie glanced between where Jess had left and Kendall, who was still pacing.

“Everything alright?” Sonnie asked timidly. She twirled the pen in her hand while looking up at Kendall, who snapped in her direction. His eyes looked wild.

“Bad question."

"I'm sorry?" Sonnie was surprised by his tone.

Jess reappeared. “I have the next set of interviews to take care of now for the second intern… Sonnie I left you an on-boarding manual to look over in the kitchen as well as the contact information. I’ll loop back with you around lunch.” She checked her watch. “Alright, I have to run. Kendall, can I trust that I’m leaving Sonnie in good hands?” Jess half-joked.

Kendall was not amused. “Yep.”

She gave Sonnie a sympathetic look before she excused herself and left.

A silence fell before Kendall exhaled. “Sorry Sonnie…" He cleared his throat and ran his hand through his hair. "This internship’s gonna be a baptism by fire.”

“Honestly, As long as I’m getting paid I don’t care what fires need to be put out,” she stated. Kendall grinned for the first time this morning.

"Good answer." He warmed noticeably.

“Oh! uh...Speaking of which—“Kendall held up his hand, signaling to wait, and left the room. Sonnie tried her best to not gawk at the apartment, but her jaw became slack as she looked at the spiral staircase in the middle of the room, the wall of windows, the Steinway piano. The wealth some people had was astounding.

Severe imposter syndrome began to set in. Sonnie was working for arguably one of the most powerful men in the world, as a little intern. Her hands began to jitter as she twirled her hair nervously. Kendall re-entered the room with a white box. He was smiling ear to ear as Sonnie's face lit up in recognition.

“Can’t contact Sofia if you don’t have a good phone…” Kendall trailed off. The excitement in his voice was subtle but there. Sonnie stood and he placed himself directly in front of her, extending the boxed phone. “I got you the one terabyte model—“

Sonnie gasped audibly “That’s literally sixteen hundred dollars?! I-I don’t even know what to say… I could barely afford the 158 gigabyte one…”

Kendall continued to grin.“Yeah well, I figured you can use all the storage for work or whatever the fuck you want. So no worries. Consider it a sign-on bonus.”

Sonnie turned on her new phone and beamed. It was the same color as her original. He somehow remembered.

“Ah!” She threw her arms around Kendall’s neck enthusiastically. “Thank you!!!” She squealed. Kendall gently wrapped one arm around her waist

“You’re welcome.” he paused, taking in the lavender scent from her hair. he should have stepped away from the embrace, but the moment of kindness and genuine joy Sonnie experienced was contagious. His grip around her ribs tightened. Sonnie noticed, and stepped away just before Kendall added the next arm. She looked down at her feet feeling flush, not knowing Kendall was planning on really cementing her to him.

“I’ll let you get in contact with Sofia… I need to join a Zoom meeting.” He shuffled towards what Sonnie could make out to be the kitchen area and noticed a large patio that Kendall made his way to.

Sonnie saw a sticky note with The Disruptions number on the back of the phone box and a little p.s. from Jess who wrote it, telling Sonnie to meet her at Karma Sushi for lunch at 1 pm. Sonnie got to calling and scrambled to get a time slot for her new boss.

───────────────────────── ♡⋆☆⋆♡ ──────────────────────────

After two hours of phone tag and tracking down several assistants at the Disruption, Sonnie booked Kendall at prime time on Thursday. Glancing down the hall towards the patio, Sonnie could make out Kendall’s back, which looked tense. She was hesitant at first but made her way through the kitchen and out to her boss. In her grasp was the onboarding manual Jess left her.

“No…no Greg, I said no. You can’t borrow the limo to—“ Kendall heard the door open and close to the patio and looked to see Sonnie standing slightly knocked kneed.

“I’ll call you back.” He hung up the phone that was on speaker and turned to Sonnie.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Guess who is booked for Thursday night prime time!” Sonnie’s nerves melted and were replaced with excitement from her achievement. Kendall really couldn’t help himself. When she got excited, he did too. It was like a viral infection. He smiled again, happy to see pure, innocent delight, without any ulterior motives. Something Kendall was not used to. Most people wanted something from him.

“I’ll take a stab in the dark and say, me?” He chuckled. She nodded her head, bobbing it up and down dramatically. “Excellent.” Kendall stood from the bistro-style table he was sitting at and closed his laptop. He eyed Sonnie cautiously. Noticing her white button-down blouse slightly pulled apart at her breasts, her black high-waisted slacks gave her a graceful, flattering appearance. her smile began to waver as she noticed Kendall looking a little too long, and she quickly looked down at the manual in her grasp, flushing.

Kendall cleared his throat and stood before saying “Excuse me—“ and shouldered passed her gently, placing his hand on her scapula as he made his way inside. Sonnie lingered on the patio, the sun was warm on her blushing cheeks, and her shoulder scorched where he touched her.

“Fuck.” Kendall mumbled under his breath as he sped his way into the bathroom. He shut the door behind him, locking it. He felt a wave of nausea hit him, most likely from the pounding hangover that continued to flare up the longer the day progressed. Admittedly, he was still a touch drunk this morning from the charity dinner he went to last night. Sweat began to accumulate on his brow, as saliva coated his throat. He was going to—Puke. In the sink. The contents of his stomach swam around the white basin. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and watched as his vomit drained. He took several deep breaths before washing his hands and splashing cold water on his face.

“Just need the hair of the dog…” he muttered half coherent. When the wave of nausea passed, he scrambled into the kitchen, looking for white wine. He saw Sonnie sitting down at the bistro table he was previously at, her back to him. To offer her some alcohol … or not… he paused for a moment, holding the handle to the refrigerator, and decided to grab champagne. If Sonnie thought they were drinking for celebratory reasons… he thought he could get away with drinking with her on the clock.

Kendall pulled a random bottle from a small wine fridge and popped the cork. Sonnie looked over her shoulder from the muffled sound, and saw Kendall standing in his kitchen pouring champagne into two glasses through the wall of windows. She smiled again, and Kendall thought his heart would peel out of his chest and plop on the floor with a dull thud.

“It’s the booze…” he said to himself. “You’re feeling this way cause of the booze… not because of her.” But what was the rattling in his ribs? He grabbed the two glasses and Sonnie crossed her legs and flipped a page of her manual as Kendall re-entered the patio.

“Oh wow!” She beamed. Kendall had to fight the urge to bite his lower lip. “Is that for me?!”

“Just wanted to congratulate you on the start of your career!” He sat at the chair across from her and slid a flute her way. She grasped the stem while Kendall held up his glass. “Cheers, to joining the Roy clan,” he smiled cheekily, one side of his mouth pulling more than the other. Sonnie clinked his glass and sipped. Kendall did the same, maintaining eye contact with her.

“Oh yeah, so quick question about this packet—“ Sonnie began to ask as she pulled the papers in front of Kendall.

“Sorry, don’t know what’s in that so I won’t be very helpful but you can talk to Jess about it at your lunch. I’m a big picture kind of guy.”

“Oh…” she paused for a moment and grabbed her champagne for another sip. Kendall did the same. The alcohol began to soothe his pounding head and churning stomach.

“So what do you really want, Sonnie?” Kendall asked, breaking the silence.

“Huh?”

“I’m talking about goals, ambitions, dreams. How can we make things happen for you while you’re here?” He was genuinely intrigued. He wanted to know exactly where her mind was at.

“Well, I’m twenty-five,”

“Really? You’re just a baby…”

Sonnie felt her stomach lurch. “Oh! Uh, I guess. But I don’t know… I had a dream since I was a kid that I would be a famous author someday. I don’t know why, but I just knew that writing was my calling from an early age.”

“Okay,” he smiled, waiting for her to continue.

“But realistically, I am a great writer and an even better people’s person, so I thought I could pave my way through PR, and write content for influential individuals,” She glanced down at her champagne flute and pressed the cold glass to her lips “such as yourself—“ and took a sip. Kendall liked this. He liked this, a lot.

“Yeah? Well, you couldn’t have picked a better place to start.” He sat back in his seat and gestured around them. “This place can be your fucking kingdom, Sonnie. You tell me what you want to get out of this job, I can make it happen. You want your dreams to come true?” He leaned in across the table, positioning his elbows close to hers. “I can fucking do that too.”

“What do you mean?” She cocked her head to the side.

Oh, Fuck... He licked his dry lips before saying. “Whatever you want, I can help. Because I’m the fucking man. You know what? Matter of fact—“ he pulled out his cell phone. He dialed a number and placed his phone next to his ear.

“Hey, Jess— bad time? Yeah? Oh halfway through the 4th interview? Cancel it. Yep. Cancel all the interviews. I’m hiring Sonnie as a full-time, entry-level PR consultant.”

“What?!” She looked at him astounded. He smiled. Goddamn did he smile. And it felt good, to do something nice for someone. Someone who actually needed it.

“Cool. Start drawing up a contract for her. I was thinking $70,000 a year?” He read Sonnie's amazed expression and grinned. This was chump change to him, so why not pay out more? “Actually, 85 is good. Yeah. Okay. Great. See you at lunch.” He hung up the phone, and Sonnie looked at him with serendipity in her gaze. He downed the rest of his flute before saying “more champagne,” and sauntered inside.

Sonnie feverishly typed a message under the bistro table to Ivy.

“Can’t talk, but Kendall just hired me full-time!!!”

He returned with the bottle in a cold bucket and refilled their glasses.“Kendall— I… I don’t even know what to say.”

“Well you can thank me by doing a good job,” he sat back down and finsihed his flute quickly.

Sonnie followed suit. “Thank you… for giving me a chance I… I really just—“ her throat closed and she felt her eyes water. “—sorry,” she mumbled sheepishly as she dabbed the soft fleshy spot under her lashes, wiping away a straggling tear.

“Hey—“ Kendall’s expression softened. He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. She went to flinch but was surprisingly comfortable with the gentle gesture. The sudden touch felt exhilarating to the two of them. “—You alright?”

“Yeah, sorry. I get really mushy sometimes. Grad school was really tough and I was met with a lot of challenges and financial struggles and you just—“ another tear “Agh, I’m sorry, this is embarrassing.” Kendall’s thumb tenderly rubbed the back of her soft knuckles.

“No, it’s not.”

“It is a little. First day on the job and I’m crying,” she laughed at herself and glanced at the bottle of champagne. Kendall used his free hand to pour her another glass, still holding her hand with his other. She took a sip and laughed again.

“Just… thank you. I can’t tell you how much weight you just lifted off of my life with what you just did.”

“Happy to help,” Kendall said. And he meant it. Her gratitude for the smallest things brought him so much pleasure.

“I’m gonna go freshen up in the bathroom, where is it?”

“The one downstairs isn’t working—“ and smells like vomit… “but if you go up the spiral staircase, there’s a bathroom down the hall on the right.”

She squeezed his hand once, her little fingers felt bony in his large palm, and slipped her hand away before going inside.

Kendall stared down at his palm for a while, feeling her warmth still linger.

Now it was Sonnie’s turn to be in the bathroom. She cleaned up the small smudges of mascara that made tracts on her cheeks and marveled at the gorgeous tiling made with white Italian marble and gold flecks. As she was about to head back down to the patio, her phone began to buzz in her pocket. It was ivy.

“Hey!! Did you see my text?!” Sonnie asked in a hushed tone.

“I did! Listen, I’m so happy for you. I think it’s amazing Kendall wanted to hire you full time… but I just..” Sonnie could hear the concern in Ivy’s voice. “I’m worried about how quickly things are happening. I would be cautious…”

“Oh I am!!”

“Sonnie, I don’t think I need to remind you Kendall Roy’s entire family is literally worth 25 billion dollars. And that’s just networth… I worry what kind of power comes with that.”

Ivy paused before saying, “I love you and don’t want to rain on your parade. Just please be cautious with them. God forbid something happens—“

“Like what?”

“I don’t know… something… he has endless money and lawyers at his disposal.” Sonnie thought about this.

“You’re right.”

“I love You. I'm just looking out for you. But I think this will be a great opportunity for you if all goes well!!”

“Thanks, Ivy.. I always appreciate you. You’re right. I’ll keep alert!” For a moment, Sonnie thought she heard footsteps “I gotta go—“ and she quickly hung up the phone. She opened the bathroom door and saw Kendall standing there, ready to knock.

“Oh shit— sorry I was just going to check on you cause you were feeling a lot of feelings before.”

“I’m okay now, thank you.” She smiled.

“Well listen, I moved some things around and turns out I can make it to your lunch with Jess, so long as you don’t mind me crashing it.”

“Of course not!” She smiled.

“Great, can you call the car and tell him to be here ASAP? I’m just gonna change really fast. I’ll be down in 15,” he handed Sonnie a sticky note with a phone number on it before continuing down the hall to what she assumed was the bedroom.

She dialed the number, and told the car company Mr. Kendall Roy was requesting a pick up at his ex-wife’s apartment for lunch at Karma Sushi, and that he wanted the car to be here in 15 minutes. The polite man on the phone named Phil told her he would be there in 10 and she wandered over to the staircase, found herself on the chair downstairs, and waited.

After several minutes, Kendall reappeared wearing a salmon-colored linen shirt and cream-colored linen pants.

“Ready?” He asked from the top of the staircase. Sonnie’s big brown eyes looked up at Kendall as he descended from the second floor.

“Absolutely!” Sonnie practically leaped off of the chair and hurried to the elevator, Kendall trailing behind her with lust on his skin.

───────────────────────── ♡⋆☆⋆♡ ──────────────────────────

Karma was bougie as hell. Sonnie had heard about this sushi place as being one of the top omakese places in the U.S. and she couldn’t believe that they were waltzing in, no reservation.

As they made their way to the hostess stand, Sonnie approached first, smiling at the woman behind the podium. Kendall came up right behind Sonnie, his chest brushing her back every so slightly. “Table for 3?” He asked while placing a hand on Sonnie’s shoulder. She jolted subtly and then relaxed again.

“Of course,” the woman said as she gathered menus. “Right this way, Mr. Roy.” She began leading the two through a labyrinthine of tables, Kendall’s hand still on Sonnie’s shoulder as he guided her from behind.

The hostess picked a gorgeous table that overlooked the restaurant’s Japanese tea garden. Kendall took the cowboy seat while asking the hostess to bring over a scorpion bowl. Sonnie sat on his left while they waited for Jess and the drink.

“Have you been here before?” Kendall asked as he watched Sonnie’s eyes dance with delight at the beautiful interior of Karma. He knew she never had been to a place like this but was addicted to seeing the gratitude she bore in her eyes. It was a new drug.

“No!! This is so cool!” She was ecstatic. It didn’t take much to impress her, which was a welcome and nice change of pace for Kendall. The two heard a dull crackling and looked over to see a giant scorpion bowl coming their way. Sonnie looked at Kendall surprised. “Did I not notice when you ordered this?” She laughed.

He nodded. “No, you were taking it all in.” The wait staff placed the massive cocktail between the two and asked if they were ready to order. Kendall declined and said they were still deciding.

When the waiter left, Kendall smiled at the silly straws that came with the bowl and slid one towards Sonnie as she eyeballed the flaming white rum shot in the center.

“Drink up!”

She giggled, “Why do I feel like I’m partying more than working?”

“You stick with me, and life will always be a party.” The two laughed, but Sonnie could tell Kendall was not joking. Far from it. “You better drink that shot.” Kendall’s eyes darkened.

“Which one?” Sonnie asked, playing dumb.

“The one on fire?” He stated plainly.

“Kendall I’m gonna be so tipsy if we keep this up!” She said with a grin, but sonnie’s eyes look at Kendall timidly.

“Loosen up, and just enjoy the ride.” He put a straw in his mouth and took a long sip.

“Sorry I’m late—“ Jess breathed as she appeared through the crowded restaurant. She sat herself on the right side of Kendall, holding a big Manila folder. She looked at the scorpion bowl and gave Kendall a nervous look.

“What’s with the stank face?” He asked. The fire in the center of the scorpion bowl fizzled out.

“Nothing,” She looked at Sonnie and smiled. “I have your contract ready for you Miss Gold, congrats on the full-time offer!”

Sonnie slurped dark rum through a comedically long, swirly straw, and extended her hand across the table.

“Thank you for believing me!” She said with the straw in her teeth. Jess shook her hand, and again glanced at Kendall. He was staring at Sonnie, who had stopped drinking from the scorpion bowl and had a drop of rum on her lip. Her small tongue peaked through her mouth and licked the alcohol droplet away.

“Miss Gold?” He asked while holding his hand out to Jess. He maintained eye contact with Sonnie, not breaking her gaze as Jess handed him a contract with a pen clipped to the top. “I believe you need to sign this puppy and take that shot.” He pointed to the center of the scorpion bowl. Sonnie was feeling borderline drunk at this point. She has a small breakfast, three glasses of champagne, and now some scorpion bowl.

“If-if you need me to do work for the rest of the day I better stop drinking now,” she tittered. He smirked at her.

“Well, what if I wanted to pay you to party today instead? Huh?”

“Kendall—“ Jess cautioned. He ignored Jess and held up his hand to silence her. She looked down at her lap. Sonnie glanced between the two of them.

“Look at me,” he said. Sonnie immediately snapped her attention to him. He liked that she listened to him.

“Sign this.” He said while sliding the contract to her. His rounded eyes were feral, excited.

Maybe it was the alcohol dictating her actions, but Sonnie didn’t bother reading the fine print. She signed, like a good girl.

“Great. Now, since you’re an official full-time employee, it’s party time!” He nudged the scorpion bowl closer to Sonnie. “Drink,” he commanded. Sonnie stuck the end of her straw into the center shot, and drank. Kendall smiled. “Good,” And began slurping out of his straw. “Want some Jess?” He asked. She shook her head. “No, thanks. I was going to go through your packet Sonnie but—“

“No! Please do! I have so many questions.”

Jess was surprised by this. Despite the slight slur in Sonnie’s words, she was eager to learn, drunk or not.

“Okay… well— first let’s get you some water. And food…” Jess flagged down the waiter and asked for water for the table. Kendall chimed in, ordering a specific tasting menu for the three of them, costing $800.00 a pop. Sonnie attempted to protest but Kendall wouldn’t allow it. After all, it was business lunch they were going to expense. Sonnie was not used to this lifestyle; and felt an intense feeling of guilt swirl with the alcohol in her stomach.

Kendall continued to suck down the scorpion, passing it to Sonnie after each long sip, wanting her to be tit-for-tat with him. By the time they finished the first bowl, Kendall was on to the next.

“Seriously Kendall, cool it,” Jess warned. “Ohhhhh we have a party pooper over here!” Kendall chucked.

Sonnie was giggling wildly, it sounded like flicking an empty wine glass. Kendall loved it. It rang in his ears at an intoxicating volume.

The second scorpion bowl came over ready to sting, as well as the first course of the omakase. Sonnie reached across the table to grab the funky straw and started drinking the next bowl. Kendall was incredibly amused.

“Maybe eat something first,” Jess warned as she tried to pull the bowl away from Sonnie, the now drunk intern— er… PR consultant. Kendall grabbed the bowl and glared at Jess, pushing it back to Sonnie.

“I’ll eat something if Kendall does the middle shot,” Sonnie smirked.

Kendall turned to look at her, raising a brow.“Are you challenging me?” He questioned with humor. “Me? I’ve been drinking since you were in diapers, honey.” He grabbed Sonnie’s straw, the one she had been drinking out of despite there being two other unused straws, and stuck the end of it into the middle shot. He drank the flaming liquor, watching Sonnie the entire time. Blush began to rise to her cheeks and Kendall’s gaze began heating up.

“Okay, I see that this isn’t going to be productive…” Jess sighed, her brows meshed together angrily. She began eating the nigiri, deciding to let the other two dictate the lunch as they saw fit.

Kendall finished the shot and pushed a plate of nigiri to Sonnie.

“Eat,” he commanded. She obliged. And god, did he love when she obliged. She ate the nigiri as instructed, and Kendall did the same.

Jess started feeling uncomfortable. She could sense the tension between the two and decided she was happy to be quitting soon. All of this would no longer be her problem if she played her cards right and left at the right time.

The second course came, some salmon sashimi, and Kendall grabbed Sonnie's plate, looking at her hungrily. She squinted her eyes at him, confused by the gesture.

“Eat.” He commanded again, sliding the plate to her. She looked at Kendall, her face flushing. Her gaze darted back and forth, looking at Kendall’s left and right eye. She grabbed her chopsticks and ate the piece of meat. He chewed on the inside of his cheek out of want. He fucking loved that she listened to him. Ate when he asked, drank when he asked. It was numbing, intoxicating, a huge rush.

“Okay… Sonnie?” Jess began standing up and grabbing her stuff. “Why don’t we meet up later to discuss the contents of the packet.” Kendall didn’t stop her, he waved her off, hoping she would leave.

“Oh, Jess! I’m sorry I-“

“Don’t apologize to her Sonnie, you’re having fun with me,” He boasted. He looked at Jess and narrowed his eyes while maintaining a smile. “Sonnie’ll see you tomorrow in regards to onboarding.” He waved her off, meshed his fingers together, and rested his chin on the cradle he created from his digits. He looked at Sonnie intently.

“I’m gonna run to the bathroom really fast,” Sonnie blurted before making her way to the restroom.

Jess and Kendall glared at each other.

“What the fuck, Kendall?” She asked in a hushed tone, sitting back down. “Sonnie is like, 3 sheets to the wind right now. And you’re practically eye-fucking her.”

Kendall’s face twisted into a sick grin. “Mind your business.”

“You hired ME to mind your business. This is a fucking lawsuit waiting to happen!”

“Will you relax? Nothing is happening. It’s just two coworkers getting a drink and talking shop.”

“But it’s NOT two coworkers. It’s an almost 40-year-old man flirting with his fucking 23-year-old intern—“

“She’s 25 and not an intern.”

“Whatever Kendall. Do what you want. I’m just trying to look out for you.”

“ I ‘preciate it, but it’s not necessary. Sonnie and I are just fine.”

“Perfect.” Jess blew air out of her mouth, pissed.

“She’s probably throwing up in the bathroom as we speak.”

Sonnie was not throwing up in the bathroom. She was calling her friend Ivy.

“Ivy, is now a bad time?”

“For you Sonnie, NEVER. Let me just tell my shift supervisor I’m stepping out really quick….” Sonnie swallowed the rising alcohol in her throat and cupped her hand under the water faucet to lap up some water. “What’s up?”

“I… need advice about this…situation.”

“What's going on, Sonnie?” Ivy askeddeeply concerned.

“Now… I want to reiterate I love Alec. Well, I think I do. I mean… we’ve been together for three months now and he’s really sweet but… I think my boss wants to fuck me-“

“What?!”

“And I kind of want to…fuck Kendall.”

“Sonnie… are you drunk? You sound drunk”

“Yeah…”

“Kendall got you drunk on your first day?”

“…yeah”

“Sonnie… are you safe? Do you need me to come get you?”

“I’m fine! I just—“

“Do NOT fuck him. Do not Sonnie. I know you want to but it’s the booze and the power he has. Don’t do it. Plus think of Alec! You can’t do that to him…I’m checking your location and I’m coming now…”

“No Ivy—“

“Sonnie, you’re at Karma Sushi? Holy shit. How much does that cost?!”

“…800$ per person.”

“PER PERSON?!”

“Yeah.”

“Jesus… okay. Well, I’m coming. And I may have some choice words for Kendall.”

“Ivy… don’t. I’m okay. But wow...I like Alec a lot, and I will of course be faithful to him…but Kendall though is very, very hot.”

“He’s dangerous too Sonnie. I mean… fuck did he really drop 800$ on you?”

“And bought me a 1,600$ phone.”

“WHAT?!”

“And is going to pay me $85,000 a year. So I can afford my student loan payments—“ she paused, her throat closed. “Fuck,” she started to cry.

“Sonnie…”

“I’m really drunk and so many good things are happening but I’m wo-worried.” She hiccuped.

“About what?”

“I don’t know… it’s scary he’s in a huge position of power, like you said. And I know that. I know he is… and I just started dating Alec and I really see a lot of potential for us… I dont’ want to screw that up. But…”

“But?!” Ivy asked.

Jess came into the bathroom and Sonnie hung up the phone immediately.

“Hey, you alright? You’ve been in here awhile.”

“Oh! Yeah, sorry just got a call from my friend.” Sonnie sniffled. Jess looked at her skeptically.

“Fun first day, huh?”

“Yeah, Kendall is a very cool boss.” Sonnie avoided eye contact and scrambled for her purse.

Jess gently grabbed Sonnie's elbow. She glanced down at Jess’s hand and back into her dark eyes. “If you need anything, at all, ever, you can call me.” Jess reached into her pocket and pressed a business card into Sonnie’s palm. “Anything.”

“Thank you,” Sonnie smiled weakly. Considering this was the second person to not so subtly warn her about Kendall, Sonnie began to wonder if it was a good idea to work for him.

“Let’s get you some more food, yeah?” Jess linked arms with Sonnie and the pair headed back to the table.

Kendall looked impatient and was already nursing a third scorpion bowl with a scowl before Sonnie and Jess came into view. He beamed, a smile spreading wide on his face as the pair found themselves back at the table. Sonnie sat back down, eyeballing the 4 additional plates at her table setting. Jess remained standing.

“Well Ken, I'm heading out so I’ll see you tomorrow. Yeah?” Jess asked. She turned and left before he could respond.

Kendall kept his gaze fixated on Sonnie.“You alright?” He asked.

“Yeah, sorry. Everything’s good!”

“Good,” Kendall pushed the four plates of nigiri and sashimi to her. He grinned. “Eat.” She smiled, feeling warmth radiating between her legs. She grabbed her chopsticks and Kendall held up his hand.

“No,” he grabbed his chopsticks and picked up a piece of fish. He held it out to her. “Eat.” He insisted. She looked between him and the sushi. The alcohol and desire began to take the wheel. It was shocking and invigorating for him to want her to wrap her lips around the fish. She knew this was crossing a line, and that if Alec had done something like this, she would feel insecure. But this was Kendall Roy…and Sonnie did not want to disappoint such a sexy and generous man. She slowly, delicately, opened her mouth and received the plump piece of pink tuna. Her thighs began to burn under the table. She chewed and Kendall took a sip from bowl #3. He picked up the next fish and held it out to her. She ate it willingly. Then the third, then the fourth.“I like this game,” he said once she was done eating. Sonnie blushed madly. “So, what do you say we finish up here and we go run an errand?”

Sonnie’s phone was violently vibrating in her pocket.

“I-I’m— what sort of errand?” Kendall pushed bowl #3 to Sonnie. “Drink,”And she did, and of course, Kendall fucking loved it. He felt a tightness in his boxer briefs and pulled at the legs of his pants. Sonnie kept slurping until her vision began to double slightly.

“Ke-Ken I don’t know if I can do any crazy errands.” He snickered. “Relax, it’s not actually an errand.” He waved down the busboy and told him to grab the check and clear the table. Kendall eyeballed the last of the scorpion bowl and polished it off before the busboy grabbed it and disappeared.

Sonnie snatched her water cup and began drinking big gulps before Kendall laughed. She put the cup down and looked at him confused before he reached across the table and placed his pointer finger under Sonnie's chin. Her face was boiling. She held her breath, eyes darting between his. He could not stop smiling.

“W-what—“ his thumb brushed a piece of rice off of the top of her lip, and he chuckled, “Cute.”

As the bill was being paid, Sonnie felt a pang of guilt in her stomach and texted Alec under the table.

“First day with Kendall--” sonnie backspaced the name and changed it to “Mr. Roy. He is very cool! I am going to see if he can get Con’s autograph for your parents.”

Kendall signed the bill and ushered for Sonnie to stand with him. The pair, drunk as a skunk, began to make their way to the car. Kendall draped his arm around Sonnie’s shoulders as they exited the restaurant. She shuttered into his warm touch.

Fuck... she thought to herself. I shouldn’t like this! She imagined Alec working so hard at the hospital and her stomach dropped.

Kendall squeezed her shoulder and she yelped.

“So what are we doing?” Sonnie asked, changing the subject as Phil opened the door to the black sedan for her. She slid into the right side of the car and Kendall came in afterward.

“Phil, Houseplant.”

“Yessir.”

“House plant?” Sonnie asked. Kendall grinned. “You’ll see.” Phil drove just a few blocks before pulling into a spot on the curb. He exited the car without a word and entered an unmarked building.

“Is this the errand?” Sonnie asked while digging into her pocket for her phone which had not stopped vibrating since she left the bathroom.

“Sure is!” Kendall watched as Sonnie typed a text out, quickly. “Who’s that?”

“My roommate just wanted to know how my first day was going!” She lied.

“You’re not gay, are you?” He asked without discretion.

“What? No! This is legit just my roommate.”

“Hey, nothing wrong with being gay, was just wondering since you mentioned not having a boyfriend.”

She laughed nervously “I already said she was my roommate. We are best friends” Sonnie said. “But I do have a boyfriend…”

Kendall snapped his head in her direction. “oh...uh, what?”

“Yeah, His name is Alec. We met a few months ago through a friend in my grad program!”

Moments later, Phil came out of the building holding a brown bag. He re-entered the vehicle and passed the bag to Kendall. Sonnie’s phone buzzed with a response.

“You’re the best, babe!” Alec typed. Kendall’s eyes watched her phone, his face was calm but his eyes were hot with anger.

[inflamearc]

𝚃𝙴𝙽 𝙵𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚄𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚂 𝙵𝚁𝙾𝙼 𝚃𝙴𝙽 𝙳𝙸𝙵𝙵𝙴𝚁𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝙵𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙾𝙼𝚂.

who i don't write (with an occasional 'yet' mixed in).

abby sciuto, ncis.

annalise keating, how to get away with murder.

death, discworld.

don draper, mad men.

elliot alderson, mr. robot.

jesse sallander, code black.

kalinda sharma, the good wife.

misty quigley, yellowjackets.

nancy botwin, weeds.

tenar, the earthsea cycle.

bonus: i tried to keep this current-ish (at least re: what i've been thinking about, if not watching) but i feel bad for leaving out pacey witter. the boy.

TAGGED BY : @terrifyingstories ♡ TAGGING : you!

[sequinsmile-x]

people you'd like to get to know better ♡

Thanks for the tag @hancydrewfan, I don't always do these but I like the questions on this one haha

last song: No Complaints by Noah Kahan. His WHOLE Stick Season (We'll All Be Here Forever) album feels like a personal attack honestly and it's beautiful pain. BUT the lyric I can never get out of my head from this particular song is:

I saw the end, it looks just like the middle Got a paper and pen and a page with no space I filled the hole in my head with prescription medication And forgot how to cry, who am I to complain?

WHY Noah. WHY.

favourite colour: This changes more than I can possibly say, but right now I'd say light purple. Lavender!

currently watching: Re-watching Modern Family from the start and also TaskMaster. If you've never seen it and you like comedy panel type shows I HIGHLY recommend it. So SO funny.

currently reading: my brain won't let me read actual books, so I read mostly fanfic

last movie: Oppenheimer in the cinema, and this past weekend I did my monthly re-watch of About Time (it is the perfect rom-com and I will accept no feedback)

sweet/spicy/savoury: sweet. every dam time.

relationship status: as single as my left foot

current obsession: playing with the laser pointer with my cat. I genuinely couldn't tell you who it entertains more.

last thing i googled: Women's World Cup (Go Lionesses!!)

currently working on: about 1 million things at once as always, including: SGW 43, Surrender (Minimal Loss AU), The View Between Villages (Aaron's dad is alive AU)

no pressure tags: @ssamorganhotchner, @lukeclvez, @mrs-ssa-hotch, @whitecrossgirl, @rawr-jess, @ssa-sparks

[synthized]

since   i   can   remember,   i   have   always   associated   myself   as   being   a   boy.   there   were   plenty   of   moments   in   my   youth,   eight   or   nine   years   old   before   i   met   scratch,   where   i   would   role-play   as   the   son   of   the   man   that   i   would   later   project   onto   being   my   fictional   father.   to   replace   the   one   that   i   didn't   have   in   reality.   i   wished   i   could   have   stubble   on   my   beard   like   all   my   classic   action   heroes,   big   muscles,   deep   gravel   to   my   voice   ached   by   too   many   cigarettes,   the   way   men   hold   onto   a   woman   as   if   they   are   porcelain   to   be   treasured.   to   be   protected. to fantasize about being in gay relationships with male celebrities.   maybe   it   is   because   i   never   grew   up   with   a   father   around.   maybe   this   is   all   a   product   of   mental   illness.   but   i   know   i   have   always   felt   pushed   away   from   anything   ''feminine''   -   traditionally   so,   &   connected   beyond   words   to   those   of   masculine   definition.   even   in   my   later   years,   i   chose   jesse,   for   a   reason   over   the   dead   name   that   my   mother   still   calls   me.   the   masculine   version,   (   yet   the   starbucks   order   will   still   stain   jessie   on   the   side   of   the   coffee   cup, or the worst of them all, jess   -   ) ; i also had major dick envy & breast self-hatred - even when i had no idea what trans truly meant, i know now that it is something i have always carried with me. a   locket   around   my   neck,   where   the   key   has   been   lost   to   social   norms.   or   a   noose.

in   1999,   i   began   to   watch   wrestling   -   although   this   wasn't   religiously   until   ten   years   later   due   to   not   being   able   to   see   it   on   our   regular   TV   channels.   i   was   fascinated.   boys   on   boys   action   ??   that's   what   dreams   are   made   of   !!   not   even   really   considering   that   wrestling   could   have   been   a   career   for   me   if   i   had   pursued   it   younger,   only   being   able   to   roleplay   it   physically   with   scratch   by   my   side.   rough   housing,   throwing   each   other   around,   fights   where   we   can   feel   every   bruise,   every   mark,   every   hit   on   the   canvas   of   my   bedroom   carpet.   it   was   something.   to   imagine   being   in   the   ring   with   the   big   stars.   jericho   as   my   mentor.   it   was   silly,   it   was   stupid,   it   was   sadness   lost   to   real   life   circumstances   that   it   never   even   entered   my   head   to   do   anything   about   it.   to   be   a   man.   to   be   a   fucking   man.   why   was   i   never   given   this   clarity   as   an   option   ??   sexuality   was   barely   even   talked   about   in   my   house,   even   though   i   ''knew''   i   was   bisexual   extremely   young   ;   let   alone   anything   to   do   with   gender. but   i   never   enjoyed   the   dresses,   or   the   fancy   shoes   or   the   girly   pop   aesthetic   of   my   childhood.   no,   i   was   the   toyboy   surrounded   by   pokemon   plushies   &   mortal   kombat   on   the   playstation,   blazing   nine   inch   nails   from   my   bulky-ass   stereo.

in   2013,   when   i   started   bringing   my   original   characters  ( which have, for the most part, always been male -- )  to   a   writing   forum,   dimitri   vladimov,   i   realized   that   my   full-time   original   creation   was   just   a   reflection   of   myself.   the   masculine   version.   wearing   glasses,   curls   in   his   eyes,   chunky   sweaters,   obsessed   with   space   &   cats   &   being   a   great   parent   to   a   lil'   one,   while   living   in   domesticated   bliss   with   his   earthly   husband.   this   is   when   my   gender   dysphoria   really   started   ramping   up.   i   would   look   at   pictures   of   my   dimitri   FC   (   above   )   &   wishing   i   could   look   exactly   like   him.   because   he   was   a   reflection   of   me   in   written   word.   i   had   designed   him,   his   clothes,   his   appearance,   his   everything   in   the   unknowing   that   this   was   just   the   dream   that   i   wanted   for   my   own   self.   i   told   my   mother   that   i   was   feeling   this   way   &   we   went   to   the   doctor,   who   sat   there   expressionless,   no   notes   taken   on   her   little   pad.   just   staring   at   me   as   if   i   had   just   told   her   i   was   a   serial   killer   from   the   planet   zod.

but you are in your twenties now, you have never spoken about this before.

yes, because i didn't realize what i was feeling until now. i couldn't put it into words.

well, there is nothing we can do for you. those who have gender dysphoria feel it from child-hood. there is nothing we can do. there is nothing we can do. nothing at all.

bare   in   mind,   i'm   sitting   in   the   doctor's   office,   tears   streaming   down   my   face   hoping   to   be   heard.   all   i   got   was   a   ten   minute   appointment,   and   the   door   shut   in   my   face.

since   then,   i   buried   it.   i   buried   it   so   deep   that   i   never   mentioned   it   to   my   mother   again.   she   would   bring   it   up   in   conversation,   with   lots   of   laughs:   remember   that   time,   you   wanted   to   be   a   boy   ??   remember   that   phase   you   were   in   ??   yeah   mum,   i   remember,   just   a   phase   [   .   .   .   ]   &   she   would   laugh,   laugh,   laugh   &   i   would   play   along,   not   telling   anyone   except   rebirth   how   much   it   killed   me   inside.   still   kills   me   to   this   day.

with   the   wrestling,   the   role-playing   never   stopped.   not   even   in   my   adult   years.   it's   a   comfort   that   i   have   never   escaped   from. ever   since   the   a-dam   page   &   j-on   moxley   feud,   scratch   has   referred   to   us   as   them   in   terms   of   the   way   we   are   as   a   couple.   feral,   possessive,   beyond   words   in   terms   of   psycho-sexual   energy   &   a   connection   that   cannot   be   severed.   we   shed   blood   because   that   is   our   soul   to   share.   we   leave   marks   because   that   is   our   body   to   own.   but   in   the   last   year,   looking   at   adam   actually   is   starting   to   kill   me.   the   want   to   look   like   him   in   the   mirror.   the   need   to   be   in   that   squared   circle,   as   a   man,   as   a   fucking   man.   with   the   career   i   want,   death   matches   &   a   family   waiting   for   me   at   home   [   .   .   .   ]   instead,   i   sit   here,   a   broken   shell   of   what   i   should   have   been.   the   last   rodeo   is   a   stepping   stone   into   healing   that   grief.   jesse:   the   transmac   cowboy   who   becomes   a   star   in   the   wrestling   circuit   [   .   .   .   ]   with   a   few   added   fictional   extras   like   cybernetic   cosmic   horror   along   the   way   !!   but   i   know   i   will   never   get   the   money   for   surgery.   i   will   always   have   a   big   chest   &   a   reproduction   system.   i   will   always   be   labelled   as   'miss'   when   i   get   the   parcel   from   the   delivery   driver.   my   mother   will   always   see   me   as   her   daughter.

i   want   to   be   proud   of   who   i   am   in   the   mirror.   i   want   to   be   put   on   testosterone.   i   want   to   grow   stubble.   i   want   hair   over   my   chest   and   my   belly.   i   want   someone   to   wrap   me   in   their   arms,   and   call   me   their   good   boy.   i   want   to   call   someone   my   husband,   my   wife   &   be   their   husband   in   return. i want to be a wrestler ; i want to shed my blood on the canvas. i want to go absolutely fucking feral. I WANT TO BE PROUDLY TRANS, TO THE WORLD.   i   want   so   fucking   much   [   .   .   .   ]   but   i   know   i   will   never   get   it   in   this   life-time.

i   will   always   be   a   she.   i   will   always   be   a   woman.   i   will   always   be   something   that   is   going   to   hurt   me   &   haunt   me   &   hinder   me   for   the   rest   of   my   fucking   life.

but i'm good at burying things. my real emotions. even though when they bury me, it will say a very good daughter, a very good wife right on the headstone.

PS : yanno,   i   find   it   funny   that   i   just   remembered   being   in   high-school,   and   for   our   media   production   where   we   had   to   recreate   a   music   video   in   a   group   of   four   ;   i   was   forced   into   the   lead   singer   role   (   placebo   -   nancy   boy   was   the   song   chosen   )   where   the   lead   is   a   guy.   my   boyfriend   at   the   time   was   also   in   this   group.   i   guess   even   my   friends   in   high   school   knew   that   was   who   i   was   before   i   did.

[librarianayda]

Kaity rewatches/Liveblogs Ratfish! (Part 1)

Spoilers under the cut!

Okay, I guess also non-spoilers slash rambling under the cut. Have to do a few after work things first, then it's time for a Game Changer re-watch (part 1) and NEW Game Changer (part 2)! Woo!

♡ the immediate chaos of ally omg

♡ oh yeah. I've already seen Katie's billboard (pictures of), so I guess we know she won something 😂

♡ GranNma sWeetie right out the door. I love it

♡ is Katie's just a long dig at Sam? Omg

♡ did I just break my glasses? Fucking grant

♡ "He's a bad guy." "I'm describing the person I'd like to be." Grant! Grant.

♡ okay, yeah. After the smartypants episode, Jess's is not surprising at all.

♡ omg, Katie talking to her computer and expecting it to talk back 🤣

♡ A BUG WITH A BIG ASS

♡ okay, but the strategy here is 1000000% Brennan! Brennnan is trying to not be Brennan and ends up being more Brennan what a journey, truly

♡ damn, even Rekha thinks this is Rekha

♡ who's a little goober?

♡ the fucking editing on this is fucking brilliant

♡ why do they all sound like fucking Beardsly? Good question, Zac

♡ the complete and utter chaos that is ally fucking beardsly pretending to be Brennan is just... chef's kiss

♡ OH! They were trying to figure out if the public knew about IsaBaby Roland! That's why there's a weird pause with the twooooo? Cats?

♡ still a fucking work of genius god I love ally

♡ oh yeah. There's the person I don't know. The bio is pretty fucking cool though.

♡ IT DOES SOUND LIKE VIC OR BRENNAN

♡ ally was so on their game and then choco taco fucking broke them

♡ the juxtaposition of ally being SO FUCKING SURE that Bug with a Big Ass is Rekha while playing Brennan Lee Mulligan who is actually playing Bug with a Big Ass is just something really special, actually

♡ that tells me that Jackson Alberta is being played by a gay man and I'm trying to isolate which one Ohmigod ally

♡ so is real life ally also just nat 20's mixed with nat 1's?

♡ moose

♡ omg grant and katie

♡ AllyBrennan calling out BrennanBrennan

♡ I fucking love GraNma sWeetie

♡ maybe they're all ally

♡ the Rekha Brennan storyline is hilarious

♡ grant... maybe I'm Steven?

♡ that does feel like Tao!

♡ omg ally got grant right but thought it was wrong hahaha

♡ woo go Rekha and Katie!

♡ aw zac :(

♡ okay but GraNma sWeetie is the best character!

♡ "I mean I guess someone has chosen to come out and mock me all day."

♡ sleepover starter pack!

♡ ally and zac omg

♡ graNma sWeetie won't give out her real name, but she will give out her social security number 🤣

♡ I'm the belle of the ball omg I love you zac

♡ oh my god grant.

♡ okay, but if it were me I would say uh... oh wait fuck I don't have a character nevermind

♡ but also Brennan's answer is 10000% a Brennan answer because it's no answer so therefore it's winning

♡ jfc grant

♡ IT REALLY DOES FEEL LIKE VIC

♡ this is a huge moment for everyone but me

♡ grant's here? I thought he had covid?

♡ okay! but this comment presents two REALLY interesting points! Because we know from BingoCeption and the Time Loop episodes that Grant DID have covid, and they had to rush to find replacements for him. Which is why Zac's social card and Brennan's stamp were both made for Grant. SO! This episode presumably takes place filming wise AFTER those two beginning of the season episodes did. BUT! everyone is currently in their own hotel room, which means possibly grant was still testing positive for covid but was asymptomatic and able to play this particular game? Idk. I'm just.... ahh!

♡ the fuck is the ratfish?

♡ they show a person, but my question hasn't changed. Who and what is the ratfish??????????

Okay, time for part two!!! Gonna do a separate post for that one and just share a bunch of my favorite screenshots from part 1 below.

... can you tell I've been watching a lot of dimension 20?

[jizzlords]

@hellshoard asked: "Hey bossman!" Ring chirped happily, his robotic tail swinging back and forth, "Took care of those rowdy fuckers~ Reward time~?" / unprompted, always accepting.

❝ Holy shit. I still can't believe the little imp's bride tried to stand her ground like that! ❞ While the whole incident was a pain in the ass, in hindsight — and perhaps if it took place in a different setting — Ozzie would've been one to give kudos. Too bad they couldn't meet in better circumstances!

Upon Ring re-entering the club, Ozzie's looking proud as he's bringing the impish robot into his lap. Talons lightly lifting Ring's chin. ❝ You're always working so hard, babe. ❞ Yet if it weren't for Ring to ensure those two left the property, who's to say what would've happened? If it were Ozzie, well...

One of his hands rest at Ring's hip, securing him on his lap before idly toying with that tail next. ❝ Take a break now. ♡ Let me worry about the rest. ❞ Ozzie knew Jesse wouldn't let repeated offenders return (at least not within the same evening), why else is there extra security? For now, Ozzie's peppering kisses all over Ring's face, playfully tugging his tail with every sound he makes.

[beedalee]

hey bee! i was looking at some of your old PTIMTH art and it got me curious; what was the original OG draft of PTIMTH like? like, how different from you and dye's current work was it?

Oh gosh, this is a fun question!! (人･㉨･)♡ It’s been a while since I talked about them. YESSS of course it changed a lot. Especially me, Queen of Style Fluctuation, Baroness of Perpetual Style Puberty, King of Inconstistenc-- /slapped/ SamxSara changed the most because it has the most work on it. The other three, not as much (aside from the art/character growth.) 

The original concept for Picture This was a solo anthology project for myself to make short-run one-shots of different queer characters- mostly using small story prompts from my life or experiences that I thought would be interesting. It was simply to help combat my deep-seated fear of making comics.(Spoiler: I promptly got overwhelmed anyway.) 

Sam x Sara was the first oneshot originally named Picture This, originally featuring characters named Sara (”Sneakers”), an awkward delinquent skater girl, and Grace (”Ace”), a cool tennis ace. (I renamed her to Sam pretty fast. At this time she had a cooler, more Jess-like personality.)

(2010 chibis galore) The oneshot was about Sara getting detention (again) and missing her girlfriend Grace/Sam’s important tennis match, so she spends all detention drawing her something as an apology and gives it to her after the match is over. The concept was cute enough, but to be honest with you, it wasn’t very good, haha!! It had some extra character drama jammed into it via early era Mallory and Blaire, hinting at a chapter 2 that I had no ideas for at the time. It ended up being 35 pages which was waaay more than I meant to do for Baby’s First One-Shot, but I tried to power through it anyway. (because THAT always helps! (༎ຶ⌑༎ຶ) ) I even started lining it, but only got one page in. I was so burned out by then from crying all the time while I worked on it. (I was going through insane art puberty at the time too which didn’t help.)

(Honestly, I can’t bear to post a bigger res. Ever. Sorry!) I thought about revisiting it as a separate one-shot entirely from PT with new characters, but I’d probably end up changing the story/thumbs so much I’d might as well do something new. I do keep the old thumbs around just for posterity of how far I got though, that’s important!

@dyemelikeasunset​ jumped onto the project with me pretty shortly after that and we rehashed SamxSara completely, so I scrapped the one-shot. We also fleshed out JayxJess, which hasn’t changed that significantly other than tentatively debating on whether or not to take out the childhood romance aspect they used to have. 

Lastly, the most notable thing we did to the other two (StellxGale + SumixMonaxCleo)was merge them together into one story (they were sorely lacking in content) and add Cleo as a main character/love interest instead of a side antagonist/love rival. These two stories have always been a bit vague though so there’s a possibility they may change more in the future!  (So whatever the current story is for them right now will end up being the OG version story when we get around to developing it in the future. Neato!)

Anyway, yeah! Hope that was fun to read. (/・0・)

[synthized]

we   have   never   been   big   on   gestures   of   love.   gift-giving   is   non   existent, no words of comfort in a crisis,   acts   of   soft   affection   have   never   been   on   the   table   ;   the   tenderness   of   a   fingertip   running   over   flesh,   the   ghost   of   lips   against   the   shell   of   an   ear.   speaking   those   three   sacred   words   into   the   open   like   marriage   vows   to   the   universe.   that   has   never   been   us.   scratch   is   the   name   that   he   calls   himself,   a   scratch,   something   that   hurts   but   something   to   admire.   the   welt   of   red   that   caresses   over   a   wound   unwavering.   the   sensitivity   when   you   press   &   prod   &   poke   to   make   it   worse.   the   numbness   that   feels   good   as   it   tingles   &   stings   &   aches   when   you   knock   it   by   accident.   it   hurts,   it   lingers,   a   soreness   that   is   constantly   comforting.   we   hurt   each   other.   through   playful   insults,   through   the   act   of   commitment,   when   he   betrays   me   /   when   i   betray   him,   in   the   service   of   sheets   where   love   is   spoken   through   bites   &   scars   &   pulled   hair   &   choked   throats   &   tears   running   down   flushed   cheeks.   the   heat   in   the   stomach   of   a   punctured   piece   of   steel,   or   from   arousal   of   his   gravelly   gruesome   seduction   [   .   .   .   ]   it   is   all   the   same   great   feeling   that   says   those   three   words   for   me.   for   him.   for   us.   

we   have   never   conformed   to   traditional   acts   of   love   because   it   never   served   us.   too   tame.   too   boring.   too   human   when   there   is   something   greater   that   binds   souls   together   for   eternity.   to   pledge   yourself:   yes,   i   would   die   in   your   fucking   arms   but   if   you   die,   i   am   taking   you   with   me   &   loving   you   regardless   until   the   last   star   in   the   sky   fizzles   out.   to   even   look   upon   another   soul   is   an   act   of   blasphemy   that   deserves   a   slap,   deserves   a   punch   to   the   jaw,   a   shove   to   the   shoulder   &   tell   me   to   die   some   more   because   i   deserve   it,   i   deserve   you   &   we   deserve   this   because   WE   LOVE   &   WE   LOVE   &   WE   LOVE.

&   i   love   you,   scratch.   even   if   softness   is   what   you   give   to   me   now,   in   the   moment   that   i   need   it   most   (   &   luan   would   have   stern   words   with   you   otherwise   !!   )   we   know   where   our   true   love   shines.   in   the   act   of   possession.   obsession.  devotion & destruction. in   the   arch   of   your   hand   around   the   gulp   of   my   throat.   where   you   call   me   your   pretty   boy   &   i   melt,   i   crumble,   i   will   always   fucking   shatter   into   pieces   when   it   comes   to   you.

because   i   love   you.   i   love   you.   i   fucking   love   you.   even   if   we   never   say   those   words   out   loud   again,   i   love   you.   even   if   you   walk   away   &   never   come   back   to   me,   i   love   you.   even   if   i   am   nothing   but   bone   under   six   feet   of   soil,   I   LOVE   YOU.

nothing,   nobody,   no-one   will   ever   make   me   stop.

[synthized]

in  recent  days,  my  husband  has  questioned  the  right  of  mortality   [    .    .    .    ]  the  right,  as  if  the  creator  itself  placed  punishment  on  this  world  through  the  act  of  aging.  how  dare  humans  age,  he  protests,  with  his  large  hands  balled  into  fists,  black  curls  dancing  against  the  ancient  youth  of  his  eyes.

he's  cute  like  this,  a  childlike  innocence  still  possessed  through  eons  of  cosmic  graft, his hands a story-book of events, experiences & emotions that no being can possibly understand except for us - yet, the wonder of innocence still blankets him. however , i  know  the  source  of  this  outrage  comes  from  the  witness  of  his  brother.  seeing  the  gray  speckles  of  age  in  his  beard,  the  wrinkles  that  are  now  fixed  in  the  corner  of  blues  swimming  in  wisdom.  lines  against  cheeks  &  the  thinning  of  skin  against  his  hands  all  signs  of  a  life  lived,  memories  gained,  love  felt, wife beloved & children raised that uncle luan loves to the moon & stars   [  .   .   .  ]  beautiful  life his brother has lived,  but  still  a  life  that  succumbs  to  time. to the natural process of humanity that claims us all on earth.

i  know  it  doesn't  matter,  he  says,  we  will  be together  again.  but  i  don't  want  to  see  him  die. it will break me   [  .   .   .  ] 

i  tell  him  he's  being  silly.  ilk  still  has  decades  ahead  of  him  yet.

he  looks  at  me,  puts  his  hands  in  my  own, light of sadness puncturing through his usual purity. it hurts to see him in this way, hurts even more when his voice cracks:  you don't understand. [  .   .   .  ]  i  can't see  you  die  too.

°•*⁀➷ excerpt from REBIRTH ABOVE ALL ; ; the upcoming autobiography regarding the story of rebirth. jesse, scratch & luan ₊˚⊹♡