#“once the car moves ill have to let go” WHY ARE YOU SAYING IT LIKE THAT

[deusfoundry]

reacting to zayne's secret times audio sudden rain IM ABOUT TO BE SO ANNOYING

post-secret times notes: can i kill myself like actually oh my god this was so soft ... EXPECT ZAYNE FLUFF DRABBLES IN THE CAR SOON

OH INFOLD YOU KNEW I WAS A ZAYNE DOMESTIC FLUFF ENJOYER

HEHHEHEHRHEHE

DID YOU JUST SAY WE TO YOUR COLLEAGUE

im actually so unwell im sorry SOBRANG OA

FUCK IM GONA KILL MYSELF

the way he says these particular lines can he kill me oh my god why is he so soft spoken

OH SHIT WE'RE IN A CAR???? WE'RE STUCK IN TRAFFIC JAM WITH ZAYNE??????

GOD THE WAY HE SPEAKS WITH SO MUCH CARE HSWBJSJSS I WANT ME A ZAYNE

HE LEANED IN TO HELP W RECLINING THE CAR SEAT IM GONNA BE SO SICK

[retiredteabag]

Wishful Thinking

arranged marriage with nanami… a continuation

pt. 1 - pt. 2

〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰

The silence that permeates the car you were shuffled into with your husband is suffocating.

Your life partner had let go of your hand the moment he had reached to buckle you into your seat. You strain your fingers now, hoping the sweat on your palms hadn't been noticeable.

A driver from your clan's estate had been tasked with dropping you and your husband off at your newly arranged space. You knew this man, the man who was seated directly to your left, was not affiliated with any clan, this meant you had no idea where you were headed.

Several shipments of your belongings had been retrieved over the weeks since the higher-up's declaration of marriage for you had been in place. A steady and simple move-in awaited you. Something you weren't particularly happy about.

You thought through a list of things to occupy yourself with instead of awkwardly standing in this stranger mans presence.

As curious as you were about your future arrangements, you truly could not ignore the silence in this vehicle much longer. Had you married any of the expected bachelors, you were sure your ear would be talked off at this point, yet, you did not even know this mans name.

You took in a deep breath, preparing to speak, the blonde fellow, (your literal husband) turned to meet your eyes, likely having expected you to say something. His eyes shock you, and you turn away once more to stare out the window.

You strain your hand into a fist and work up the courage. Turning with an inhale once more, you force out words before you can change your mind, "Terribly sorry..." You start, looking him in the eyes, "Could you remind me of your name?"

You had never been given it to begin with. Perhaps the officiant at your wedding had recited it in his speech, but you had been a little distracted at the time.

"I'm sorry?" He strains his neck in your direction, eyebrows raised.

"Your name? Sorry... I think I ought to know it, right?"

"You don't know my name?" His head shakes a little as he speaks, incredulous.

You hesitate, "...No? I wasn't paying the most attention for it during the ceremony..." You mumble the last bit, waiting for him to cut you off, but he just stares at you.

"I'm sorry-" His hand hovers mid-air, "You weren't given my name?"

Oh no, you've offended him.

"Oh! It's not like that! My family is....very fond of you! And the higher-ups speak very well of you as well! I...well...I erm..." How do you fix this? Stroke his ego?

His hand is firmly on his forehead now. "That is not what I meant. I'm asking you - you were not informed of my name? Who I am? Were you even aware you were to be wed?"

You fumble a bit with the skirt of your dress, "Of course! Yes, I just... well, I didn't know who, but the marriage bit was no surprise."

"But the rest, that is all true? You had no idea you would be marrying me?" He looks frustrated, to say the least. You had no idea this would come as shocking news, someone should have informed you.

He is peeking at you through his hand, "Well...no, but-" He cuts you off now, but he seems to not be speaking to you.

"No wonder you looked so ill up there..."

Okay ouch.

"When did you agree to this marriage? Was this simply... decided for you?

You weren't sure what to say. Had this not been decided for him as well? Speaking frankly, you were not entirely sure of why he had been chosen as your partner, he had no duty to his name. Even so, he looked repulsed at the realization, eyes shot wide.

"Well... it was-" Were you supposed to be talking about this? Should you say this to your husband? "Umm... Well, I'm sure you know the higher-ups are involved with the clans..."

He shifted in his seat to face you fully now, "You...were forced?" He almost looks frighted at the concept. You want to laugh.

Of course, you were. How else did he think marriage worked?

Despite your thoughts, all you said was, "No, it was a mutual understanding that I would be married."

"Yet you know nothing about me." He looks forward at the road.

Was that what this was about? "I'm a quick learner, if you're concerned about that."

He sighs and smacks a hand to his face again. "No...No that is not what concerns me."

You have a litany of responses ranging from, 'I see...' to 'what does concern you then?' but you say none of them. You just sit forward and stare at your palms.

Oddly enough, it does not take long for the silence to be broken once more.

"Nanami." He says.

"I'm sorry?" You hadn't expected him to speak, eyes wide, you turn to him again.

"Nanami Kento. That's-" He sighs, as if it's a real chore to introduce himself, "my name is Nanami Kento."

You look to one another for a moment before you quickly break the connection, gazing out your window, deigning to not look again until you arrived.

"Mmm...thank you." You finally say.

--

Although you knew the house was not terribly far from your family estate, it felt like hours had passed before you allowed yourself to move once more.

Mr. Nanami had climbed from his seat once the car had halted.

Eager to be away from me it seems.

Only, he had seemed surprised as you climbed from your door as well, having walked around to greet you.

"Allow me," He had said, reaching for the small train case in the back of the car, it had been filled with small wedding gifts and your husband insisted on carrying it for you.

I wonder how long he will keep up this act. You found yourself thinking. Your new residence was sizable. Nice, in an uncomfortably clean way. Perhaps that is how your husband liked it.

As you stepped over the threshold, moving out of "the man of the house's" way. You took it in.

This place must have been chosen by the higher-ups. Your father would not have bought you a home, nor did you expect a man without clan connections to have been able to purchase such a plot of land.

It was only mid-afternoon. Yet your life was impossibly different than it had been only a few hours prior. You had expected the driver to stay and discuss the honeymoon with the two of you but it seemed he had not been instructed with that information.

As many frightening realizations occurred to you, you were able to resign yourself to acceptance, putting aside the...bedding...situation... the concern that stuck with you was dinner plans.

Were you expected to have that prepared? You didn't know what he preferred though....

Thoughts of your...marital duties swam in your head while Nanami was making his way towards the living room.

"Of course," He was saying, "You're free to use whatever you like, these things are as much yours as they are mine..." He had rounded through the sitting area and around the kitchen into the master bedroom, never once turning to look at you.

It was clear that people had come to prepare the area for you two. On his bedside table, you see a comfortable pair of plaid pajama pants and a loose grey shirt. You had not been presented with such. No, on the bed, strewn out for the both of you to see was a... sordid... set of black lacy lingerie.

You stood in silence. A resigned look on your face. Your husband on the other hand, had coughed, spun around, and fully walked from the room in moments.

What was he doing? Was he sickened by you? Did he expect you to appreciate his apprehension? If you were being honest, you would like for him to get this act over with as quickly as possible.

Looking at your marital bed, you were once again reminded of your mother's sobs only this morning. You looked down at the gown that clung to your waist. You had felt pretty today, despite the occasion. You knew you would not feel beautiful in that raunchy piece of string.

How long do I have? You wondered.

Finally moving yourself, you come before the undergarments, sit next to them, and run your hand along the bed's silky duvet.

You sat in silence for longer than you expected to be given. You finally reached your hand up your spine. Unzipping the dress, unbuttoning the clasp at your neck.

You slid it off your body. Walking around the room near-nude to lay the dress along the ladder of a bookcase. It was nice, actually. Maybe you wouldn't mind it here.

You did not rush to dress in the sexy, frilly, underthings. You might not have been perfectly comfortable in your body, but that didn't matter. Not when you had knowledge of the intentions behind your wedding for years.

It was a bit of a challenge to get it on. You weren't sure how to get your arms through at first, and then you swapped them around when you couldn't figure out the neck bit.

What did it matter, it would be coming off anyway.

After dressing, you sat in the same spot on the bed for a while, staring at your hands. You wondered if he was expecting to eat first. Seeing as he had left you alone, however, you figured he would return eventually.

It was cold like this, you hopped he would hurry.

Just as you were beginning to consider moving to look at the bookcase, (panty clad and all) your spine snapped into place when you heard him calling for you. When had you given him your name? You weren't sure.

He was speaking loudly so you might hear through the wall, but not in a frustrated manner, "The kitchen staff is arranging something for us to eat-" He had slowly began to open the door, when his eyes landed on you. Not a moment passed before he dropped whatever he had in his hands. It loudly clattered to the floor and he slammed the door shut. The noise echoed in the room.

"What-??!" He stuttered, "What are you doing?!!"

Your mouth opened and closed repeatedly like a fish. What were you doing? What did he mean? And how exactly do you respond?

"I... uhh-" You looked down at yourself in the ridiculous lace.

You had not been trained in much regarding sex, having been told that the man you would marry would be well aware of how to educate you when it came to your actions. Suddenly self-conscious, you wondered if you had done something wrong.

Nanami calls your name from outside your new bedroom, then repeats it. Firm and unmoving. "What-are-you-doing?"

Your hands flounce around. Stuttering for a response, "I- I don't know!?" You finally force out, the tone coming off a little too questioning for an answer.

After a moment there is a dull *bonk* against the door. You hear no response for a long while. The room is so silent, you can hear your heart pounding. It was so painfully uncomfortable, you reached a hand to your chest to try and calm it. Finally, he clears his throat and calls out to you from behind the door again.

He speaks your name gently, as if calling to a child, "I'm going to come in now, okay?"

You sit upon the bed once more, back straight. "Alright." You nod to yourself.

Unsure of what to expect, you watch the door handle tilt to allow for your husbands entry, but your eyes narrow as he shifts into the room, avoiding your gaze - in fact - avoiding your presence completely.

His arm is shaking off his nicely tailored suit jacket. Still turned to look at the closet, he comes before you, jacket in hand, and reaches out for your shoulders. You almost want to shrink back from this odd behavior but remain still as he wraps you up in his clothing.

After a few awkward seconds, he turns to look at you. "What are you doing?" He repeats, low and calm.

You raise your brows, "What... are you doing?" You reach up to feel the jacket covering your collar and torso, instantly, he drops his hands from your shoulders.

He shakes his head, a hand tugging at his loose blond hair. "I don't... understand." He is no longer looking in your vicinity. His voice shakes and all the air leaves his lungs.

"I'm sorry." You wrap yourself tighter in his jacket, shifting to stare at him, "Was this not... expected?" His apprehension certainly came as a surprise to you.

Suddenly he's back, fully facing you, "Expected?" He raises his brows, "What is this? You're... what? Doing what is expected of you?". Despite the severity of the moment, it is now that you recognize how expressive his features are. His neck, up to his cheeks, up to even his ears are a warm pink. It wouldn't be improbable to assume his chest is a rosy shade right about now as well.

You decide to push the boundary, share your frustration. Why is he upset? If he does not want you, he should just say. It's not as if you desire him in that way. This has been an incredibly stressful and tense day, at least he knew who you were before all of this, you did not have that liberty. If anything, you should be upset with him!

"Is it not?" You speak up, "Forgive me, but I was under the impression that...this" You pull your arm out from under his jacket to motion between you two, "was how this worked."

He makes a face. Revolted.

"You are- we-" He cuts himself off, waving his hands before himself, then covers his face, "no." He gets out, "This is not how this works."

"Well." Now you're flushing, embarrassed. You straighten yourself, balling his suit jacket in your firsts. "What... would you like for me to do? I told you in the car that I learn quickly, if thats-"

"Stop." He spits out, voice suddenly higher than before, "Just...stop."

You swallow. What does he want from you? "Okay." You whisper.

He calls for you gently, and motions for you to stand. He turns away from the bathroom now and shifts in the other direction, looking at your wedding gown strewn across the bookcase ladder. He purses his lips. "Please.... dress yourself." He swallows, motions towards the wardrobes along the wall. "Something comfortable in there. I was... going to ask your preferences, for a meal-for dinner. Let me-"

He clears his throat, moving away now toward the bedroom door, he drops to the floor and picks up what must be his phone, having been dropped earlier, he rubs the screen on his pant leg. "What would you like?"

You stare at him, straight-faced. "Anything you like." You're not a picky eater.

He sighs, looking up at the ceiling, "No. What do you like to eat?

You shrug, "Anything. I don't mind." You shake your head at him and he just looks you up and down. The stupidly large jacket comes mid-thigh.

He takes a deep breath. Then exhales dramatically. Nods. And he's gone. This time, when closing the door, he makes an effort to do so gently.

--

You had found a soft cotton pajama set in one of the dresser drawers. Having long since removed your previous attire, you wonder what your husband is thinking of as he silently serves two plates of Chinese food.

You wonder what your father would say if he saw Mr. Nanami serving up dinner for his wife as you sat on the living room couch.

You're taken from your thoughts as Nanami places a large wooden tray on the couch, he places the food on it.

It seems you will very much be eating together.

"I hope you enjoy it. Let me know if you don't." He murmurs, seating himself near you in the dimly lit room.

In no world would you complain about the food your husband served you. Even if you disposed it, luckily, you liked Chinese cuisine. Before you can even get out a word of appreciation he is speaking again, "I think we should talk."

You sit up straight. "Alright."

He motions for you to eat, "Feel free. I think we ought to have an open discussion."

You grab your utensils but don't reach for anything until after he takes a bite. Awaiting his words.

"Well... I believe we ought to be on the same page about this. I had been under the impression that we were... but as I can see, that is not the case." He stares at you intently.

He is not speaking down to you, but rather, making space for an open conversation. You set down your chopsticks, and await further explanation.

"I suppose I should know what exactly the higher-ups asked of you."

You raise your brows, "Sorry?"

An apology has become a common synonym for many of your reactions.

"Earlier, you asked me for my name. And just then-" He flushes a little, motioning to the bedroom, "well- you mentioned expectations and I feel I ought to ask you what is is that has been requested of you."

Is this man daft? Is he playing with you?

Before you respond, you test the waters, "What did the higher-ups demand of you?"

The man sighs.

"I am terribly sorry," he calls your name again like its easy, a habit that makes your stomach flip, "It seems that people have not been honest with you, you deserve an explanation. I just expected you to be aware of this before our union."

He pauses for a moment, his eyes watch you and the chopsticks laying on the wooden tray.

Ah.

You reach to take a bite. It's good, and oddly puts the man before you at ease.

"Before this, I was intending to leave sorcery."

He states it as if it is nothing. Your eyes bug out and he pauses, allowing for you to ensure you heard correctly.

"The higher-ups have a large amount of sway in Tokyo, I'm not sure about Kyoto, but they were not fond of this plan."

I can't imagine why that would be. You thought as you recalled the moment you had first seen this Nanami Kento.

It had been an annual meeting between the Kyoto and Tokyo branches. You had heard him refer to sorcery as "a pain". Had he been considering retirement even then?

You simply nod, listening quietly. "It was their intention to find me...a wife." He huffs, "Maintaining a life in sorcery was highly important to them."

Oh, you see. Perhaps he wasn't so different from you after all.

The higher-ups have only had one expectation for you, even since showing promise in the world of sorcery, even after moving up the ranks at Kyoto Metropolitan Curse Technical College. Your job was plain and simple.

To have babies.

Sorcerer babies.

Had they been so afraid of losing one sorcerer to the regular world that he was cornered into loveless marriage? All to keep him from departure? Was that why Gakuganji had been so immediate with his instatement of your husband?

"I see..." You nod once more.

"I would like to know your experience as well. What was it that they asked of you?" He had both hands laid flat on the makeshift table between the pair of you.

You consider what to say. "I...have known-" you try again, "My duty has been laid out for some time now." You tilt your head, he's squinting at you.

"Please. Just tell me. They... forced you - to - to do that?" He points his head in the direction of your room once more.

Now you're confused. You want to speak in a way that doesn't insult his intelligence but he's making is difficult for you. "Did you not... marry me for children?"

He chokes.

Coughing to clear his throat, he wipes his mouth. "That is not- eugh-" he tries again, "They cannot ask that of you. I will not do anything that you are not explicitly requesting of me." He pauses effecting a moment of silence before, "Do you understand?"

But you don't. "Mr. Nanami, are you... not expected to produce children? Is that not why you were chosen to be in this situation?"

He responds quickly and with precision, "I did not marry you for what you could give me. No."

You can't hold in your confused laugh, "Then...why?"

"Was it not the easiest for the both of us?" He smirks at you, his shoulders have eased only slightly after hearing your laugh, "I was informed that your other options were not the most savory."

"You knew you would be marrying me?" You ask, ignoring his reference to your suitors and flummoxed by how easy it is to speak comfortably with a man you had been so recently adverse to.

"Yes. I... cannot believe you were not provided the same..." He pauses, "I was under the impression that this was a mutual decision..."

"Oh." It's all you can say.

Nanami takes in a deep breath from across the couch cushions. "I'm sorry." And you really believe that he means it. "I would not have agreed if I knew." He forms a flat line with his lips.

"I think you're right, though..." He looks at you, addled, so you continue, “This was the easiest choice. I think so too." You're unsure of how else to conclude.

Your wedding dinner had not been what you would have expected and the night, unlike anything you could have predicted.

Nanami Kento, no matter how you denied and tried to shuffle from the bedroom, had sworn himself to a guestroom after collecting the night clothes laid out for him on the bedside table.

He had gently grabbed your shoulders, maneuvering you towards the bed and away from the exit. Pleading with you to remain in the master bedroom. Claiming that he had intended to sleep in a separate bedroom since the beginning.

Though you pulled at his arms to try and swap your standing, telling him adamantly to take the bigger of the bed options, he simply drew close to you, shifted farther from the door and blocked your sights. He lead you softly to the bed, and when you attempted to side step him and make your way to the guestroom, he took one arm, catching you by the waist, and swiftly lifted you from the floor.

"Please. Do not ask me again. Sleep here, alright? All of your things are here. I will be very comfortable in the guestroom."

And before you could get out any complaint, he had you placed upon the duvet. His hands were off you in an instant, but he remained looking in your direction as he backed to the door you had been fighting over.

"Do sleep well." His long strides had brought him to the rooms entrance with no delay, you were still caught up with the fact that he had lifted you like a sack of potatoes, with one arm no less. "We will likely have to arrange the...trip tomorrow."

The honeymoon, that's right.

He said it in a way that sounded like, 'just to warn you' or 'you should know'. But all you could reply with was, "Right."

"Right." He echo's, turning to walk through the door, and looks to you once more. "Sleep well." And there's your name again, leaving his lips as though you are long time friends.

"You too."

But the door has been silently shut.

His touch lingers on your waist from where he had lifted you. Not in the way your fathers hand would linger after he drug you to and from meetings, not the way his fingers would remain painfully on your neck after he would steer you into conference rooms. But rather, in an almost ticklish way.

You shiver.

And run your hands over your new duvet.

When you had made up your childhood bed and left this morning, you had listened to your mothers cries, sure that last night would be the last time you would have the peace of your own bed. Your heart swelled with the knowledge that you had been wrong.

Your fingers traced the stitching on the comforter. Swung your legs from the mattress, and almost-almost grinned.

〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰

tag list @longlivegojo @kitkatlover015 @l0v3rgirl-owo @smailaway (if your name is here but you didn’t get tagged. I think it’s either bc your blog is new/blank/empty or you need to check your privacy settings)

[charliemwrites]

Awooooooo!

Content: Voyeurism, Dog Urination, Implied Non-Con Touching

Your dog is weird. Just.. just weird. Like, all dogs are weird. They have their quirks and their oddities, silly babies in fluffy bodies.

Johnny though…

He snuggles up in your bed every night; you don’t even bother trying to kick him out. He’s presses up tight against you, head almost on your pillow. Have to start sleeping in a shirt because one too many unfortunately placed cold nose bumps…. Yeah. But that’s fine. The fuzzy space heater is worth it.

(So what if you sort of wake up sometimes and half-dream its skin you’re snuggled up to. If you imagine a more human rasp to the quiet snores by your ear. If the tongue on your cheek is softer and smaller than you’re used to….

Your dating life has been dry for some time.)

Johnny pees in every room of your house at least once, but that’s not entirely surprising - he’s an intact male, after all. (Something you’re trying to, heh, fix. Though the appointment mysteriously keeps getting moved or cancelled.) thankfully, though, once he’s “marked his territory” he starts asking to go outside.

And that’s where the weirdness begins.

The first time you let him out off leash, he shoots off into the woods and only returns once he’s done. You panic, feel so stupid and irresponsible, near tears by the time he gets back. When he sees you upset, say on the porch steps, he darts to your side and leans into you until you calm down.

You stop worrying so much about his little “trips”. Means you dont have to clean up after him to keep the yard tidy after all.

The first time he bounds off into the woods and doesn’t come back after a few minutes, you almost go searching. But.., but well he’s a good boy. An hour later he comes back, scratching at the door.

You’re not sure what he’s up to and it makes you anxious. Don’t like the idea of an “outdoor” dog. All of yours have been in-home pets kept in sight at all times. You’re scared Johnny’s going to get hurt or bitten or hit by a car.

But he always comes back healthy whole.

One hour turns into two, then three. Entire mornings, only returning in the evening to climb into bed. Eventually a whole day. You have someone install a doggy door big enough for Johnny to slip through so that he can come and go as he pleases.

You get used to having a pet that’s only around sometimes, though you sniffle that you miss him when he’s gone. As if understanding, he’ll always lick at you, comforting.

The other weird thing - he demands to climb into bed while you’re doing “self care”. Again, dogs don’t get human social boundaries. He’s allowed on the bed so why is it that he wouldn’t be allowed up even if it’s not bedtime? It’s understandable dog logic, even if you have to stop the first several times it happens.

Keeping him out isn’t an option. Even if you manage to shut the bedroom door on him before he wriggles inside, he makes such a ruckus. Barking, howling, knocking over the trash and scratching at the door. You almost step directly into a puddle of pee once.

You just keep the lights off, close your eyes, and try to ignore the odd brush of fur or gust of air from his nose. Pretend he’s not there at all; and not staring the way he tends to.

Not getting off just isn’t an option. You make your peace with your dog too dumb to even turn away.

(You also learn very quickly to wash your toys as soon as you’re done. Can’t even wait to catch your breath. Calling him nasty makes his tail wag. You know it’s not reasonable to think he’s doing it on purpose.)

“Johnny, drop it!”

Instead of doing that, he drops his front half low, a lacy black pair of underwear in his teeth. He snatched it right out of your laundry basket while you were trying to start the washer.

“I’m going to turn you into a pair of boots. Put those down!”

Chasing a giant wolf-dog for your panties is ill-advised but what are you gonna do? Let him shred your underwear?

“I wanted to wear those out tonight, you bastard!”

You’re supposed to have a date. At this rate, you won’t even be able to shower, never mind get ready. Johnny’s been a nuisance all day, ever since you got off the phone with your mom this morning, updating her about your life and plans for the evening.

Determined, you give up and go to finish the laundry - only to hear a crash and a yelp. Johnny’s knocked over the mirror and stepped in the glass.

“Oh, baby boy,” you groan. “Dammit, John-Bon.”

You text your date for a rain check, then call ahead for the emergency vet. Huh… your first aid kit is much better stocked than you remember.

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[eunimaybe]

⟡ ⸻ dandelion

riki x fem. reader | friendship and love blossoms between you and riki in the seemingly dull hospital ward

genre. friends to lovers, fluff, ANGST | warnings: angst, mention of illness, major character death, heavy topics, set in a hospital, incorrect medical terms | wc. 2k EN-

you and riki first met on the hospital rooftop.

it had been one of the rare days the doctors allowed you to go up there, deeming the fresh air as “good for you”. it had been such a nice warm night, the perfect weather for you to stare at the flickering lights of the city and passing cars. you found it interesting, perhaps a little bit sad even, to know that you seemed to be the only one stuck in time and unable to move forward with your life. the world went on and left you behind, the gap between you and the others only growing larger and larger. the dreams you had once had were now out of reach.

because you had just six months left to live, and six months wasn’t at all a long time once you thought about it.

and so you had been standing at the rooftop, lost in your own thoughts when riki joined you. you hadn’t seen him before; he was new to the hospital and freshly admitted. you two hadn’t exchanged much words at first, letting the silence speak for itself. just the presence of riki was comforting to you. someone your age that was also stuck in the endless loop of hospital medications and consultations. someone stuck in time just like you as they watched the world leave them behind.

the first words spoken to each other were casual and light. a simple, “why are you also in this hellhole of a place?” and “what’s your opinion on doctor yun?”. the nurses moved you into the same ward the moment they saw you conversing. they found your unexpected friendship sweet, and some of them even gushed about young love.

***

“do you ever feel scared?”

the question escapes your lips before you know it as you’re strolling around the garden. it’s a question that’s always been lingering deep inside you, simmering just below the surface. you try not to bring these things up when you’re with riki, choosing lighter and easier topics to talk about. laughter can always be heard when you two are together even though the circumstances are dire and seemingly hopeless. you are both slowly and surely dying, succumbing to your illness despite the days and months and years spent telling yourselves that everything would be fine and that a miracle would happen.

but it never works out like that, does it? once the doctor gives you a set time that you have left, that number is the only thing you can see when you close your eyes. the clock is ticking and it has no kindness or mercy to people like you and riki.

“scared?” riki asks, giving you a glance. “i don’t think i’m really all that afraid to be honest.”

“how?” you breathe, tilting your head up look him in the eye. you look for a sliver of fear or doubt in his eyes but find none.

“there’s nothing much to be scared about. it’s true, the time we have left is seemingly cold and mean, but we shouldn’t waste our precious time on such a negative feeling.”

you turn his answer over and over in your head, wondering just when you’ll stop being haunted by the thought of death being just around the corner.

***

it’s been over three months since you and riki met on the rooftop, and there’s no denying that there’s a subtle change in the air between you two. you wonder if he’s noticed as well . you definitely have. you would say something about it if you weren’t so scared- gosh why were you scared of everything? you were afraid of things changing between you and the thought of that alone made you feel a pang of loneliness.

it’s the little stuff: the way your eyes meet across the room when doctor yun goes into one of his lectures about the importance of staying still when you’re connected to an iv drip as you both try to stiffle your laughter. the concern that clouds his eyes on unrestful nights when you’re tossing and turning from the pain of it all. the endless patience he has for you.

it makes your heart skip a beat. a palpitation, that’s what doctor yun would probably say.

***

“riki, i told you i was going to win,” you say triumphantly as you put down your last uno card. “i’m way too good at this.”

you give riki a big smile and pick the card back up again to wave it in front of his face just to rub it in. you would do a little celebratory dance if it weren’t for the multiple tubes connected to you and strict orders from the nurse not to move too much.

“it was just this once.” riki says, rolling his eyes playfully. he looks at you with so much tenderness and endearment that you’re convinced for just a second that he likes you back.

his look alone makes a flush creep up your too-pale cheeks, and you have to turn your head away to hide your flustered face.

he’s so pretty when he smiles.

when you look back at him, it’s just too much. you reach out to sweep the hair out of his face, your fingers running through the soft strands before you drop your arm to your side.

“sorry.” you mumble, your face hot.

riki just grins, the corner of his eyes crinkling. “it’s okay, i don’t mind.”

as you stare at his face, you’re left with a sudden pang in your chest that leaves you breathless.

you love him so much. six months with him isn’t enough.

‘y/n,” riki says, touching your arm gently. “you okay?”

you smile, hoping it looks reassuring when it just hurts your face. “yeah, i’m okay.”

you take a moment to look out the window of the room, dozens of thoughts crossing your mind. there’s something precious about this moment, something so very special. you’re scared to let it slip through your fingers and disappear.

“riki,” you hum, eyes traveling to the heart monitor that’s mounted on the wall next to your bed. “what will i do without you.”

you can’t bear to think about riki leaving you behind just like everyone, and you can’t bear to think about leaving riki behind either. though it’s never been talked about, it feels like you two made a promise to stay by each other’s side no matter what.

“y/n, don’t go there right now, please.” riki says quietly, reaching out to hold your hand in his.

you take your gaze off the monitor and meet his eyes. “sorry. i won’t.”

riki eases back to rest his back, his fingers still intertwined with his. before you can say anything else, he gives you a fleeting peck on the cheek.

“I love you.”

you feel a tug in your heartstrings as you curl into his side and close your eyes.

“i love you too.”

***

you try to savour each and every day with riki as if it’s the last. some days you watch a film together in the ward or listen to music together. other days when the doctors allow you, you go up to the rooftop together and watch the constant motion of the city below. sometimes it’s just you and him curled up together and finding comfort in each other’s presence. though it’s all inside the premises of the hospital, riki still tells you that it’s a date.

strolls in the garden are rare but very much looked forward to, holding hands as you make a slow circle around the hospital building. everything you do with riki is precious and priceless. it’s at these moments you’re truly convinced that perhaps it is possible to stop time, pause the ticking clock during sweet conversations.

riki stops in the middle of the garden, bending down to pick something from the grass.

a dandelion.

“look,” he says, handing it to you by the stem. “this one hasn’t quite matured yet. it’s half yellow and half white.”

“it’s an in-between dandelion.” you comment, observing it carefully.

riki smiles. “yeah, an in-between dandelion.”

he gives you a soft kiss on the forehead.

“can i blow on the seeds?” you ask in his embrace, looking at the dandelion you’re clutching in your hand.

“go ahead.”

you give it a gentle blow, and both you and riki watch the seeds fly away in the warm breeze, traveling further and further away to who knows where.

you’re convinced that you can’t be any happier than you are now.

but nothing ever lasts.

***

you’re jolted awake from the commotion around you, and you shoot up from your bed.

there’s an overwhelming amount of doctors and nurses in the room, all shouting as they crowd around riki’s bed.

“COME ON, HIS BP IS DROPPING, GET A MOVE ON IT!”

panic starts to set in. you’ve been in the hospital long enough to know that when there’s screaming of doctors and chaos in the ward as they yell about a dropping bp, nothing good is going on.

you scramble out of bed, not caring about the tubes that cling to you. all that matters now is riki and the doctors. you rush towards riki’s bed, trying to see what’s going on.

“where’s riki? what’s wrong with him?” you ask, your breaths coming out short and quick. an alarm sounds in the room and the beeping of machines intensifies.

“HIS VITALS ARE DROPPING BRING ME THE-”

you can’t hear anymore, you can’t even see anymore. your vision’s turned cloudy as you try your best to see what’s going on. you know not to push through the doctors. they know what they’re doing. they know. they’ll make riki okay again.

they have to make him okay.

you’re acutely aware of yourself trembling as you listen to all the chaos. your hands are clasped together, praying for god to please save your best friend, the boy you love.

you don’t have anyone else.

“please, please, please,” you whisper feverishly, almost like a mantra. your hands are shaking and your head is pounding. and than suddenly there’s a nurse by your side holding your hands as she kneels on the floor in front of you.

you don’t pay attention to what she’s saying, endless pleadings escape your mouth as the room fills with loud beeping that makes you clench your eyes shut.

until it all

just

stops.

the doctors who had been in action just moments ago all still. the only sound being the never stopping beep of the machine that signals a straight line on the monitor.

and than everything is just falling

and falling

and falling.

***

it’s a month since everything happened now.

a month since he left, a month since he let go.

you’re standing in front of his memorial, holding a thick book to your chest as you stare at his name that’s been carved into the plaque.

“gosh riki, i miss you so much,” you whisper as you blink away the tears that are threatening to spill. riki wouldn’t want you to cry. he wouldn’t. “you don’t understand how much i miss you. i was selfish, i couldn’t let doctor yun announce-“

you take a deep breath. “i couldn’t let the doctor yun announce the time of death because i couldn’t let you go. i was determined to keep you by my side.”

you let out a little laugh, trying to smile despite the numbness of it all.

“but riki, i can feel it approaching,” you say as you open the book you’re cradling against your chest. “i think it won’t be long until i join you.”

you pluck out a dry pressed dandelion from the pages of the book. it’s the one riki gave you in the garden, the in-between one that you blew on. you place it on top of his plaque, a bittersweet smile playing on your lips.

“i’ll see you up there soon, and we’ll do everything we want together. just wait a little longer.”

“i love you.”

a/n: this one was a little more heavy compared to other works i’ve written. i hope you guys still enjoyed, please feel free to leave me any feedbacks!! i’m not sure if i’m satisfied about this fic, so i’m really sorry if it was kinda shit

[jaysswlvrr]

Once mine, Always mine

!possessive heeseung x !afab reader

warnings☆: !drunk reader, pet names: princess, pretty boy, baby; heeseung is possessive and SLIGHTEST bit rough until ending part, crying, swearing, unprotected, bsf to lovers, dirty talk ;I think I missed a lot>

☆☆long and even longer smut part☆☆

summary☆: your out in the bar with ur bsf who u have had a crush on for many years, you get drunk and start to confess yourself to him but another man starts touching you, heeseung cant stand the sight and reminds you who you belong to.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

You had about your fifth cup of beer, heeseung watching u as you finished the the last slip, chuckling at ur small eye-twitch to the strong drink. You were so lightheaded, you had forgotten your best friends name. Forgotten your name.

Slowly looking up you notice the handsome man in front of you. You smirked and leaned in closer to him. Touching him the soft material of his jacket.

"What's your name, pretty boy?" he widened his eyes, he didn't know you had so many drinks you forgot his name.

"Heeseung" you gasped, chuckling as that name ran through your head. That name sounded familiar.

"That's my crushes name!" you paused for a second as heeseung slightly raised his brows slowly smirking.

"Oh I see" he said as he leans closer as well.

"Tell me more about this... crush" You cleared your throat ready to describe him.

"Well, he's really cute and hot, Whenever he comes over to my house in his grey sweatpants he makes me soaking wet, I wish he could man-handle me and pin me to a wall with his big veiny hands, stretch me out with his load, but he'll never cuz I'm so ugly and dumb and-" he cuts you off by kissing you, grabbing a handful of your hair, making your lips part, giving him entrance to your mouth.

Your tongues tangled together, he starts sucking on your tongue like you were his dinner. Running it around every inch of your mouth. You ran out of your breath pulling away from him, staring right into his dark eyes. It felt like forever until you heard one of your favourite songs play.

"Ill be right back heesung" you say, all tipsy before blowing him a kiss, you get another drink and chug it down. He chuckled...

"Its heeseung" he spoke to himself, keeping an eye on you.

You were in the middle of everyone, swaying hips, messy hair, short dress and flashing lights, everyone was looking at you whilst you were only looking at heeseung, trying to lure him to you.

He's man-spread on his chair, biting his lips at he watched your every move.

"Fuck, what are you doing to me y/n" he stops talking when he sees a man approach you, and drag you to the bartender, getting you another drink.

You guys seem like your having a lovely time together, laughing, but it got weird when he started touching you, he pulled you closer as if about to kiss you when

boom

He was face flat on the floor with one punch.

"Pathetic"

You looked up to see heeseung staring at the poor guy on the floor, smirking at his work, in disbelief you drag him to a quieter corner, still contaminated by the alcohol.

"Why would you"- hiccup "do that heesung" you said pointing a finger in his face.

He wraps his hands around your waist, as you wrap your hands around his neck, he pushes you to the wall, roughly kissing you, rubbing his raging boner on you.

"cant get enough of you"

He said in between kisses, you nodded you head, going back in for another hungry kiss, not wanting to stop the moment as it felt like forever since you've kissed someone.

"lets continue this at home baby"

You were sitting in the front of his car, rubbing your thighs together whilst whimpering for him to hurry up and get to his apartment. He grabs your thighs separating them with just two fingers. You look up at him to see his face so angry but so full of lust.

He turns back focusing on driving again.

"Gonna fuck you so hard you brat, gonna make your little cunt all red and shiny, 'm gonna have you on your knees begging for me"

He starts driving again, speeding through the highway, before finally reaching his luxury apartment, he quickly runs out the car, going to your side and helping you up.

As soon as he walks in, you both take off your outdoor clothing, he grabs your hand dragging you to his bedroom, he pushes you flat on his bed before hovering above you.

"fuck I've wanted to do this so long y/n" he pecks your lips, you tug at his jeans which he takes of in an instant. They weren't doing a very good job hiding his bulge, but damnn.

He was huge.

"your abs are nice" you say with dozy eyes, motivating him more as you has already took your clothes off leaving you with your light purple lingerie. He noticed it as soon as he looked up.

"you wore that for me right princess?" he says, climbing on the bed again as he pulls down your bra, circling his tongue around one of your nipple. You moaned at the surprising touch, nodding you head at his question.

"Come here, come sit on my dick" He's at the edge of the bed manspreading again you smirked again, making your way slowly to him.

"You're so hot when you spread your legs like that" He grins, holding your hips making you sink onto him both of you letting out pleasurable moans as he stretched you out.

"that feels good, yeah princess?" he slowly starts moving you up and down onto him, you look down in embarrassment as you just realised that he was your best friend but he stops you.

"Eyes up here baby" that nickname goes straight to your core pleasuring you even more as he starts thrusting up into you. You cant even look at him in the eye as he's leaned back a bit, elbows supporting him, his brows are forced together as he bits down on his already red, plump, lips.

"What happened, realised who I am yet?" he chuckles, grabs your hips and starts pounding into you, you start moaning louder, like you were in cloud 9 with the man you've had a crush on for agess.

"Fuck hee- just shut up" you manage to make it out between moan he scoffs.

"Realised your fucking your best friend and you carry on, I see who you are y/n, such a slut, do anything to get filled up wont you" you nod your head, tears rolling down your face in embarrassment.

He pulls out of you earning a whine but lays you on your stomach before pulling you up by your hips and charged into you with no remorse.

"Heeseung!" you yelled as he starts ranting into you again, so close to his release he snakes his hands around you until he reaches your core rubbing up your folds quickly, huffing, and swearing under his breath, you other hand are sobbing because of his animalistic speed.

"Don't cry babyy- fuck- you know it feels so goo- oh fuck" he cums inside of you, shooting his cream right into you, you follow right after, legs trembling. Your neighbours definitely know what your are doing as your practically screaming his name.

He pulls out slowly, laying you on your back, following the same actions he looks at you and you do the same. Both trying to catch your breath but he breaks the silence

"I'm your boyfriend now, right?" he bits his lips at you, you cover your face in embarrassment.

"Why are you so hot" you say under your breath.

"What was that?" he has a huge grin on his face.

"You are my boyfriend" you've moved you hand away from your face and winked at him.

"Heeseung?"

"You got my name right this time" a few seconds past and he starts laughing at his own joke, you hit his chest in annoyance. "gosh your such a tease" you turn away from him but he finds it more funny, putting his arms around you.

He comes closer to your ear,

"y/n?"

you hum in response, dozing off.

"your mine right?" you nod,

he smiled to himself, kissing the back of your head, he thinks to himself...

'once mine, always mine' *cutely smirks*

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆TY FOR READING BABES (I love all of you)☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

(heeseung is so fine)

taglist☆☆: @heeoao @deobitifull @rayofsunshineeee @dilllima @daekkislatte @heelahoops @ke4s @mrandromeda @chubbypeach2111 @wonsbear @whatdoyouwanttocallmefor @green-agent @chiiiiiiiiis @mayamarylhs

If your name isn't underlined then I couldn't find it :(

[golden1u5t]

you're too sweet for me | s.r x fem!reader

ꨄ requested: anonymous

ꨄ genre: angst?

ꨄ summary: spencer is your dad's best friend and you're fresh out of college. what happens when he's innocently picking you up from a night out with your friends turns into a heartbreak?

"i didn't really have that much to drink, you know." you held onto spencer's arm as he guided you out of the bar, you leaned into him when the cold, crisp air of the night hit you. "i wasn't ready to leave yet."

"well, you called me." he grumbled, moving his arm and wrapping it around your waist to help stabilize you better. he'd be lying to himself if he said he didn't enjoy the feeling of his arms around you and you curled into his side.

spencer fished his car keys out of his pocket and unlocked the car, letting go of you momentarily so that he could open the passenger door. you pulled his jacket from around you and sat down in the car, spencer leaning in after you and buckling you up. he knows you were more than capable of buckling yourself in so he wasn't sure why he did it for you. maybe it was an unconscious feeling of wanting to take care of you, he wasn't sure.

you could smell his cologne and whatever shampoo he used on his hair with how close he was, but he stood up straight and closed the door before you could make out the smell of it. a few seconds later he was in the driver's seat cranking up the car.

"you could've called my dad. if i didn't know any better i'd think you actually cared for me." you smile at him and turn your body towards him. you don't think you would've been so bold if you hadn't been drinking but you had the drinks to blame for anything you might be bold enough to finally say to him.

"good thing you know better." spencer let out a scoff and glanced over at you, his eyes meeting your wide and hopeful ones for a brief moment before he was focusing back on the road.

for the entirety of the drive to your apartment you talked about any and everything that came to your mind and spencer listened to you the entire time without interrupting. when you got to your complex, spencer walked you up to your apartment to make sure you got in safe.

"will you be okay for the rest of the night?" spencer asked as you pulled your key out of the lock and stepped inside your home, he was still standing in the hallway with his hands in his pockets.

"yeah, i think ill probably watch a movie or something." you set your bag down on the floor and placed your keys on one of the hooks on the wall, turning around to find him still on the outside. "you're not coming in?"

"¡ don't think that's a good idea." spencer pressed his lips into a thin line and shook his head. he's only been in your apartment once and that was when he was helping your dad move your furniture in. to him, going into your apartment with you alone would be crossing some line between him and your dad.

you could only roll your eyes at him. you and spencer had only really had a few real conversations since he'd became friends with your dad and every time he always acted like it was a chore to engage in conversation, like you weren't a full grown adult.

*i'm my own person, spencer, aside from being your friends daughter-oh, and not to mention a full grown adult— and i think we could really be-*

in the midst of your ranting spencer had taken a step forward, and you didn't even realize until his hands were on your face and his lips were on yours. you hadn't had time to properly react and before you had the chance to kiss back he was pulling away from you.

"that was- i was so out of line." he let out a groan as he ran his hands over his face, he took a step back so he wasn't inside your apartment anymore. your eyes were wide with confusion as you took a step closer to him but spencer quickly put his hand out in front of him to stop you from getting any closer.

"spencer, i don't think-"

"no, you're young and naive and- and so full of life, not to mention your dad is my best friend, we're polar opposites. it was wrong of me to do that and i'm sorry." spencer rushed out. you weren't able to get another word in before he was gone down the hallway.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

the girl next door 24

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as age gap, manipulation, chronic illness, noncon/dubcon, coercion, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: A new neighbour moves in and upends your already disarrayed life.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself.

This lewk but silverfox

The afternoon passes peacefully by the soft babble of the brook. Your forgotten friend stays with his camera but doesn’t bother you much. You remember him vaguely. Some years of your childhood seem to blend together but you recall the boy and his lawn mower. Your grandmother would give him a five dollar bill as your mom asked why you hadn’t offered to do it first. 

You’re more surprised that he remembers you. You’ve always been a side note. Nothing or no one special. More than ten years later and he seems almost happy to see you. Well, like he says, a familiar face can be a comfort when everything else is new. 

You still your pencil and look up at the sky then over your shoulder. Peter grabs onto the bridge and swings himself up from below. His camera hangs from a strap around his neck as he tidies his hair. He smiles as he comes across the bridge, his eyes flicking towards your sketchbook. 

You hesitate and turn the page towards him, showing him as your heart pulse. You don’t often share your work and the river scene is much more than your usual subject. He considers it, leaning in as he nods. 

“Wow, very nice,” he praises. “You’re very good at that. Not me,” he chuckles and scratches his neck, “the camera does all the work.” 

You close up the book with the pencil inside. You rock and look behind you once more. 

“Guess you should get going, huh?” He asks. 

You shrug. 

“Can I walk with you? I wouldn’t mind getting the lay of the land,” he offers. “Is it far?” 

You shake your head and press the book to your chest. You turn without a word and lead him across the bridge onto the paved path. You come up onto the sidewalk, the sun beating down hotly on your faded denim and heavy cotton. 

“I’m sorry to hear about your grandma,” he says, “she was a nice woman.” 

You nod and give a bittersweet smile. She could be, when she wanted to be. Other kids deserved kindness, but you, you were useless. 

“Can I show you something?” He asks as he grabs his camera and clicks the buttons, “here, look.” 

He turns the little screen to you and shades it with his hand. You look at you keep your feet moving. A monarch butterfly floats above a broken dandelion, just beyond the river’s edge. The framing brings the eye right to its colourful wings. 

“Pretty,” you say.  

“Huh, yeah,” he lets the camera hang again. “Just a bit of fun. A hobby between classes.” 

You chew your lip and don’t comment on the last part.  

“Engineering,” he supplies, “heavy duty. You go to school?” 

You don’t react as you squeeze the edges of your sketchbook. You look down, your soles scuffing on the pavement. You frown and shake your head. 

“Ah, well, you know, it’s not for everyone. You sell your art?” 

You pop your head up and look at him. Huh?

“Yeah, I’m sure you could sell that if you made it digital or something,” he points to your book. 

Maybe but you don’t have a computer or a tablet or anything like that. You won’t let him know all that. You just shrug and keep walking. 

“Anyway,” he laughs off the awkward silence. 

You look ahead as you come in sight of the house. You see Steve’s car in his driveway and your insides mulch. They’re home. You stop at the corner and face Peter. 

“I’ll walk from here,” you insist. 

“Oh, uh, I don’t mind.” 

“It’s okay,” you say. “Thanks.” 

“Maybe I’ll see you around,” he grins. 

“Maybe.” 

You tramp off and glance behind you, only to make sure he doesn’t follow. He watches but stays on the corner. You turn ahead as you near the front gate of your mother’s house. Your name frightens you as it comes from the other side of the fence. 

“Where were you?” Steve charges down his front steps, so quick and determined that you wince and stumble onto the grass as you look at him. “We were looking for you.” 

“Oh,” you bat your eyes. 

“Oh?” He echoes, “sweetie, we were worried.” 

“I... went for a walk.” 

He looks you up and down, the lines in his forehead lessening as he heaves a breath. He still wears his nice shirt and trousers, but his tie is gone and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His gray hair is neat but for a shank that threatens to fall down his forehead. 

“Drawing?” He asks. You nod. “You should leave a note, next time.” 

“Sorry,” you bite your lip and notice how his eyes catch on that gesture. 

“Your mom’s a bit out of it. It’s been a really long day for her and the last thing she needed was to worry about you,” he shakes his head and crosses his arms. You slump and look at your feet. Your mom worried about you? “I just got her to lay down, I told her I’d find you.” 

“I’m sorry,” you repeat louder, “okay?” 

“Sweetie, I’m just looking out for you. We’re a family now, aren’t we?” 

Your jaw clenches and you stare at him blankly. He keeps saying that but you don’t know. You and your mom were barely that. She just tolerates you. 

“Sorry if I seem impatient,” he says, “we need to talk about some things.” 

“Talk?” You swallow dryly.  

You think you know what he wants to say but you thought he might wait until tomorrow. Your skin buzzes. Your future has always been dull and predictable; just another day with your mom, at home. Now, you might lose both. 

“Come on, it’s still sunny out, we’ll sit out back and I’ll make some lemonade.” 

You try to hide your uncertainty but you can’t feel it straining in your cheek. You put your head down and go around to his side of the picket fence. He waits for you to go ahead of him and leads you around the side of the house. He takes you onto the deck and you sit at the table. 

“Don’t wanna wake your mom,” he says, “I’ll be right back.” 

You stare out at the yard. It’s still very unreal to you. They’re married but everything still looks the same. The distant shouts of child drift in the air and the steady rustle of leaves rises from bushes and trees alike. The sunlight grows unbearable as you sit in its blaze. 

The sliding door shuts and Steve plunks down two glasses of lemonade before he sits. He shifts and adjusts, pulling the chair around closer to you and puts his elbow on the table. He watches you as you avoid looking back at him. 

“Thirsty? You must be hot, why don’t you come in the shade?” He suggests.  

You don’t say a word. You sit there behind a wall, waiting for it to shatter. You grip your book in your lap and stare at the bright green grass. 

“Ahem, so, sweetie,” he clears his throat, “I know this has all been so sudden but... me and your mom talked this out in every direction. After what happened, the hospital, well, she needs help. Professional help. She needs a nurse. Someone to come look after her a few hours a day. And... the invoice wasn’t easy to look at either...” 

He lets his words hang. You and your mom aren’t well off. You never have been. You live in that suburb by the grace of your grandmother’s bequeathal. An emergency room visit isn’t cheap and a nurse is completely beyond your stipend. You frown. 

“But...” you blink. “I take care of mom. I...” you feel bad to mention the money but it’s your only income, even if most of it goes back to her. 

“I know, honey, we talked about that too,” he leans forward and caresses your arm, just above your elbow, “and it’s okay. I told you, I’m going to take care of you both. I’m here to support you. Maybe... maybe you could find something else to earn some money. I know a few gallery owners...” 

You keep your head down as goosebumps rise under his touch. It crawls up under your loose sleeve. You shrink down further. 

“Maybe... I’m not that good.” 

“Who told you that?” He continues to tickle you, more firmly as he shifts closer. “I know it’ll be strange at first, sweetie, but we all just need to get used to each other.” 

You stretch your hands across your sketchbook and go rigid. 

“It’s okay if it’s a lot to process. Take your time,” his hand creeps along your shoulder and down the back, edging along your bra. What is he doing? 

You croak, “okay.” 

“You know, sweetie,” he retracts his hand from your sleeve and tugs it straight. You wince as he leans forward and nudges your chin up, “today was intense but I don’t want you to be unhappy.” 

You just stare at him. What does he want you to say? You can barely think straight. 

“And screw what that waiter said, that dress looked gorgeous on you,” he smiles and drags his fingertips down your neck, his eyes following them, “it fits you perfectly.” 

You clasp your sketchbook tight as heat roils around you. It must be the humidity or the sunlight boiling you from the inside. His hand dances along your tee shirt and he sits back, balling his hand up as he rests it on his thigh. 

“Here, let me show you,” he lifts one hip and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out his phone, “look.” 

He flicks through his phone and brings up a photo. He turns the screen towards you and you reluctantly glance at it. You lean in as you can hardly make it out at first. It’s zoomed in so it’s just you and Steve. You cringe at how your chest seems about to burst from the dress. Your gaze trails down to his fingers curled into your side and sensation ripples up your spine at the memory. 

“You’re a pretty young woman,” he says, “having a nurse, well, that means you’ll get to enjoy this very exciting time in your life.” 

You sit back. You can’t look at the picture again. It’s awful. You hate it. 

There’s a tap on the door and you flinch. Steve sits back stiffly and cranes to see over his shoulder. He blacks the phone screen and stands slowly, his hand grazing over his belt and giving a subtle tug. The fabric along the front tents as if creased. You don’t know, you hardly look at the odd bulging. You don’t even know how you noticed. 

He spins and waves at your mom as she leans weakly against the inside of the sliding doors. 

“Must be her new meds,” he says, “I’ll be back, sweetie.” 

[riizegasm]

Space & Time || P. SH

❀ pairing: roommate!sungho x implied fem!reader

❀ genre: roommates to lovers, college!au, fluff, minor angst

❀ word count: ~6.1k

❀ warnings: explicit language, minor jealousy, literally one implication of queer!sungho

❀ summary: The space that you share with Park Sungho sometimes feels a little too small. In time, the closeness proves to grow into something neither of you can contain. But hey, that's the case for all roommates...right?

❀ a/n: Once again, my writer's block went craaaazy for this piece. I spent so long hating it, but now I actually really love it! I feel like the style is a little different from what I usually do, so I hope you enjoy. As always, likes, reblogs, and replies are encouraged!

masterlist

Truthfully, Park Sungho is the perfect roommate. It doesn’t matter that sometimes he sings a little too loud in the shower because at least his voice is melodious. It doesn’t matter that sometimes he scolds you for leaving a dirty dish out because he laughs with you equally as much. It doesn’t matter that he frequently has his friends over, because they are always polite and include you in every outing. 

Park Sungho is perfect, almost a little too perfect. 

You first start to realize after coming home one night, two years into living together. Your feet are aching from your nice heels and your ears are ringing from the car horns on the street. It’s enough to have you entering your apartment with a sigh, kicking off your heels the minute you can see your welcome mat. 

“You’re home early,” Sungho says as you round the corner, standing up to greet you in that overly respectful manner of his. “How was it?”

The question instantly has tears springing to your eyes, stinging your corneas as if they were poisonous. Sungho is clearly panicked by your change in demeanor, flailing slightly as he approaches. His coos and attempts to shush you just make your tears turn into sobs, throwing your head back as you finally let all of your pent up emotions out. 

“It was horrible,” you hiccup.��

For a moment, Sungho flails once again. But then you’re encased by strong arms, a hand on the back of your head guiding you to lean into an overly wide shoulder. He smells faintly of clean laundry and sea salt, the latter due to the undertone in the cologne he constantly wears. A large hand smooths down the expanse of your exposed back, palms cool against the heat of your skin. You let your tears flow into the cotton of his shirt, feeling comfortable for the first time all night. 

“Come on, let’s sit down.”

Sungho doesn’t let go as the two of you move, waddling your way through your shared apartment. Instead of pulling you down to sit next to him, Sungho gathers you so that you’re seated straddling his lap, face still tucked into his shoulder. It’s an intimate position, far too intimate for mere roommates, but you’re too distracted by your sobs and the feeling of Sungho’s cool hands on your back to care. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sungho coos, voice melodious and overly soft. 

You just shake your head, not trusting your voice. It was simple, actually, why your date went so horribly. One ill-timed glance at his phone revealed a slew of texts from someone saved under the name “wifey.” The man then proceeded to point out all of your insecurities, no doubt comparing you to whoever that contact was. He ended up taking a “work call”, leaving the date early and making you responsible for the hefty bill. 

“That’s fine,” Sungho soothes. “He doesn’t deserve you, anyways. You are such a catch and he doesn’t even know what he’s missing.”

You sniffle slightly, finally moving from your position buried in Sungho’s shoulder. He smiles when the two of you make eye contact, using his thumb to wipe a few stray tears from your cheeks. You’re sure that you look a mess, face ruddy with your makeup in various states of disarray. But the way Sungho is smiling at you makes you feel like the most beautiful person in the world. 

“You’re just saying that because you’re my roommate,” you whisper. 

“I’m saying it because it’s true.”

A moment of silence lingers in the small space between the two of you, with the occasional hiccup interrupting your peace. Sungho’s gaze is too intense, peering into the depths of your eyes. For a moment, you find yourself getting lost in the eye contact, taking note of the deep hue of his irises. It’s only when you feel a slight fluttering in your chest that you snap out of it. 

“I’m going to go shower and get out of these clothes,” you say as you stand, mindful of the way your halter top shifts across your chest. “But maybe we can watch a movie after that?”

Sungho smiles softly. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”

Something shifts between you and Sungho after that moment. 

It’s almost as if you’ve both unlocked a deeper level of comfort with each other, making physical contact in ways that you never had before. You spend your movie nights cuddling instead of sitting on opposite ends of the couch. You greet each other with hugs when either of you comes home, Sungho even going as far as to place a kiss on your cheek or forehead in friendly greeting. He’ll place a hand on your lower back as he passes by you in the kitchen, or squeeze your exposed thigh when the two of you are seated next to each other. 

You don’t think much of it, knowing that it’s nothing more than a few friendly touches between roommates. Sungho had seen you at a particularly vulnerable moment, and now seeks to comfort you. There’s nothing wrong with that! Roommates can hold hands in the grocery store and hug each other tightly after a long day. 

It’s how you find yourself snuggled up to Sungho’s side during a movie night, head leaning on his shoulder. It’s one of the few times that the two of you aren’t alone, surrounded by some of Sungho’s closest friends that you equally adore. They sit in various places strewn around the living room, leaving you and Sungho seated alone on the loveseat in the corner. 

About halfway through the movie, Woonhak complains about being hungry, causing a heated debate to erupt about what snacks everyone wanted. Through the commotion, you feel a set of sharp eyes on you. When you look to the side, you find Sanghyuk’s gaze trained on the points where you and Sungho are connected. It’s a simply observational gaze, his eyes holding no hint of judgment as he regards you. But, the intensity of his gaze makes your skin crawl. 

Under Sanghyuk’s scrutiny, you begin to peel yourself away from Sungho’s side. But before you can get far, a hand guides your head to lean back onto his shoulder. A quick glance upwards reveals that Sungho is still in the heated snack debate, not having blinked an eye at your movement. It’s almost as if he moved reflexively, not even having to think about drawing you closer. 

When you look back at Sanghyuk, the boy is smirking, simply rolling his eyes before he looks away. You try your best to fight the heat that is beginning to rise to your cheeks, to no avail. 

At some point between a new round of popcorn being distributed, and everyone settling back into their seats, you fall asleep. You have no idea how much time has passed as a soft hand shakes you awake. An ache overtakes your neck muscles as you straighten up, pulling back to see Sungho smiling down at you. A quick scan of the room reveals that it’s empty save for the two of you, causing you to cock an eyebrow in confusion. 

“Where’s everyone else?” You slur out, voice thick from sleep. 

“They left. It’s almost midnight, pumpkin.”

Pumpkin, that’s new. Your sleep addled brain doesn’t have the capacity to question it, simply nodding in understanding. 

“You should go to bed,” Sungho whispers, tucking a stray piece of hair away from your face. 

You nod, still not moving from your position on the couch. As your eyes flutter closed once again, you hear a soft chuckle. It’s enough to startle you back awake, not surprised to see a shy smile painting Sungho’s face. It’s impossible to not note how handsome he looks at the moment, long hair in disarray from leaning back on the couch and clad in a large sweatshirt. You imagine that he would be much cozier than your bed, but your mouth can’t quite part to form those syllables. 

“Come on,” Sungho says softly, dragging you up from the couch by the arm. “Let’s get you to bed.”

.         .         .

At some point, it becomes strange to not be greeted by Sungho the minute you enter your shared apartment, especially since you both have shared your schedules with each other. The man should be home, but your persistent calls of his name are met with nothing but silence as you toe off your shoes. Venturing further into the apartment still reveals no signs of life, a truly odd sight. 

You round a corner to step into the small hallway that leads deeper into the space, only to collide directly with a solid expanse of skin. A strong arm reaches out to steady you as you stumble backwards, keeping you firmly upright. Sungho’s eyes are wide when you meet his gaze, clearly flustered by your sudden appearance. 

“Shit, are you okay?”

You are unable to respond, too engrossed in scanning the view in front of you. Sungho’s entire torso is exposed, the man clearly having forgone a shirt. Wide shoulders taper into an impossibly small waist, leaving you swallowing thickly as you note the pair of basketball shorts hanging low on his hips. It’s clear that he has just showered, hair still dripping down onto his torso in clear rivulets. You find yourself watching as one slides down a firm pectoral, making a trail in one of the multiple divets in his abdomen, until it’s finally absorbed by the fabric of his shorts. 

You shake your head a bit, trying to snap out of it. It doesn’t help that Sungho is still grasping your upper arm, the strength in his hand obvious despite the gentle hold. Suddenly, your mouth feels arid, as if a sandy sediment has coated its surface and sucked up all of the moisture. You imagine that Sungho’s body is coated in enough water to quench your thirst. 

…wait…what??

“I’m fine,” you rush out, clearing your throat of its obvious thickness. “Sorry for bumping into you.”

Sungho just smiles softly, finally releasing his grip on your arm. “It’s all good. I felt bad that I wasn’t around when you got back. I thought I timed my shower well.”

“Don’t worry about it. Are you going somewhere?”

A slight flush rises to Sungho’s cheeks, the man ducking his head slightly. His hand comes up to scratch the back of his neck, allowing a few residual drops to fall from his hair. It’s odd to see Sungho be anything other than confident and bold, the sudden change catching you firmly off guard. 

“Yeah, I’m actually going to go hang out with this girl Daeun. She’s in my astronomy class so we’re going to the observatory a few towns over to do some constellation research.”

“Oh! That sounds…” surprisingly romantic… “Nice. That sounds really nice.”

Sungho chuckles, a sheepish smile taking over his face. “Yeah, I’m excited. Oh, let me finish getting ready! I might come to you for outfit advice, if that’s okay.”

You nod slowly, plastering a smile on your face. “Of course it is.”

Your chest feels tight as Sungho retreats, disappearing into his bedroom. As much as you try and ignore it, it continues to encompass you as you busy yourself with the latest episode of your favorite reality tv show. The pain doesn’t subside even as you try and immerse yourself in the latest drama. Instead, your face begins to heat and your palms begin to itch, almost as if craving to dig into something. Into what, you can’t quite determine, but you imagine it feels like milky smooth skin pulled taut over firm muscle. 

“How do I look?” Sungho asks with a little turn when he emerges from his room. 

Once again, you find yourself scanning his figure, taking in the way his jeans make his legs look impossibly long and how his shirt highlights the broadness of his shoulders. When the two of you first met, you used to joke about how Sungho needed to abandon his university endeavors to become a model. Times like now make it feel a little too real to be a joke. 

“Great,” you answer softly, ignoring the way your face burns. “You look great.”

Sungho looks absolutely giddy as he approaches the couch, leaning over to place a soft kiss on your forehead. The close proximity allows you to smell all the notes of his cologne, a scent that you have gotten used to transferring onto your clothes after every tight hug and cuddle session. The tightness in your chest returns, but this time it burns. 

“Thanks, pumpkin. I’ll be home late, so don’t wait up.”

Despite the man’s warning, you can’t find it in yourself to fall asleep. Instead, you remain awake in your bed, tossing and turning every few moments. Eventually, your body tires out, allowing you to slowly drift into slumber. If you dream of the mellow scent of sea salt and water droplets sliding across skin, that’s no one’s business but your own. 

.          .          .

The two of you part with a hug, Sungho gently pecking your forehead before heading off to his own class. You can’t fight the soft smile gracing your face as you approach your own building, your friend waiting for you near the entrance. 

Minji looks thoroughly perplexed as you approach, eyebrows drawn together in clear confusion. “Was that your boyfriend?”

The question makes you choke on your iced coffee, beginning to double over as a fit of coughs wrack your body. Minji doesn’t even flinch at your dilemma, still staring at the spot where you and Sungho had previously stood. 

“Holy shit, no!” You exclaim through a slew of coughs. “He’s just my roommate.”

The two of you move to enter the building, but Minji’s confused gaze remains firmly locked on you. 

“You’re joking, right?”

“What? No!” You emphasize as you slide into your seat. “Sungho is really just my roommate.”

“Then why do you guys do…,” Minji makes a vague gesture with her hands, “that?”

“You mean hug?”

“And kiss!” Minji’s voice drops to a whisper as the professor announces the start of his lecture. “I mean, if I had anyone treating me like that, I would definitely think we’re dating.”

You roll your eyes. “We are not dating!”

Minji just looks you up and down, lips curling into a soft smirk. “Does he know that?”

Any retort you have dies instantly in your throat. He does know that. You and Sungho have never been anything other than roommates, close roommates, but roommates nonetheless. The friendship that you have developed via sharing a space will always be nothing more than just that. Besides, he’s clearly seeing that girl Daeun from astronomy, right?

The amalgamation of thoughts about your non-relationship with Sungho distracts you throughout your entire lecture. Before you know it, your professor is dismissing you and you frown at your notebook, empty save for the date scribbled in the top right corner. You bid Minji a goodbye, reminding yourself to text her later for the notes. 

As you exit the lecture hall, a familiar figure makes you stop in your tracks. Sungho’s silhouette is bathed golden by the mid afternoon sun, giving him a cherubian glow. His head is tilted back in laughter, hand covering his mouth. It’s not uncommon to see Sungho lost in laughter, but you wonder who could have him so giddy this time, especially since Jaehyun is nowhere to be seen. 

And that’s when you see her. 

She’s pretty, unbelievably so. Long dark hair cascades past her shoulders, falling down to her trim waist. Her rounded eyes are emphasized by the slight shimmer of gold eyeshadow, full cheeks painted delicately with blush. Her smile is powerful, rivaling the sunshine that covers the green. The worst part is that she looks so good next to Sungho, as if they were a proper couple. So this is the Daeun that Sungho took to go see the stars. 

A hot feeling blooms in your chest, forcing you to avert your eyes. It makes sense, of course, that Daeun would be gorgeous and Sungho would be smitten with her. It’s only right that Sungho would have a partner equally as amazing as he is. 

So why aren’t you happy for him? Why does your chest burn and why do your eyes sting? Why is there a lump in your throat that feels excruciatingly painful to swallow down? Why are your palms growing clammy despite the early springtime breeze cooling you to your core?

You push your spiral of thoughts to the side, letting your legs carry you away from the green as fast as possible. It’s impossible to focus on where you’re going, letting your body move on autopilot. It’s only when a familiar warmth and the smell of pastries overcome you that you exhale for the first time in what feels like forever. You breathe in the smell of freshly brewed coffee and exhale with a smile. 

“Y/N?” A voice calls from the register. “What are you doing here?”

You’ve always mentioned that Donghyun looks particularly cute in his work attire. His hair is kept back off his face with a visor, the brim of which is shaped like a fishtail. His aquamarine apron is tied tight around his waist, covered in stains from the busy shift he likely had. Even the glittery name tag pinned to his apron suits him, matching the overeager sparkle in his eye. 

“I just wanted to stop by for some coffee.”

Donghyun cocks an eyebrow at you before scanning the practically empty cafe. “It’s 4pm.”

“I know, but I just need a pick-me-up.”

There’s another moment of silence as Donghyun regards you. With the minimum chatter from cafe-goers, the silence almost feels awkward, Donghyun clearly pondering something before he chooses to reply. After a moment, he simply shrugs. 

“Alright, but I’m giving you half-caf! I honestly don’t feel like brewing an entire new pot of regular.”

In mere minutes, you’re sitting alone at a table by the window, a steaming mug warming your fingers. You choose to ignore the concerned glances that Donghyun shoots you from behind the coffee bar. He would probably ask about what’s bothering you, since you’re sure your crisis is painted all over your face. But that’s the exact problem—you have no idea what your crisis is. 

So what if Sungho has a new girl that he’s been seeing? It’s not like that affects you in any way. If anything, it’s expected, with his round eyes and overly caring nature. You’re sure most people 

would swoon at the mellow tone of his voice or at how quick he is to laugh at a joke. No one is immune to falling for the way he’s hyper-attentive as he listens or the way he squeezes a tad bit harder right before he’s about to release someone from a hug. 

So you’re not surprised at all that someone has fallen for Sungho, especially someone so pretty. It’s expected. So why does it hurt?

Once again, you force the question out of your mind, letting out a groan as you lean your head into your hands. The steam rising from the mug begins to heat your cheeks as you stare into it, warming you up in a way that you didn’t know you needed. Despite the burn in your chest and your clammy hands, it feels like the rest of your body is frozen over, forced to malfunction at the thought of Sungho and his new lover. 

Oh shit. You’re jealous. 

Your stomach twists and turns at the newfound revelation. It makes sense, of course, that you would fall for Sungho just like everyone else. He’s the epitome of a perfect gentleman. And with the constant touches, it’s hard not to crave that little something more. What would those ever so soft lips feel like against your own instead of your forehead or cheek?

But he has made it clear where he stands. Sungho is your roommate, no matter how much you crave for him to be more. He has Daeun. He chose Daeun. It should be easy to accept, but the swirling feeling in your gut says otherwise. 

You don’t know how long you spend in the cafe, letting time pass aimlessly as you remain lost in your thoughts. It’s only when your phone vibrates with a text that you are snapped back into reality. You don’t even have to look at it to know who it is, likely wondering about your whereabouts. After all, you’re usually home by this time, freshly showered and cuddled up with him as you chat over takeout. 

With another groan, you grab your stuff, taking your time to collect your belongings and shoot Donghyun an appreciative smile. He nods in return, shooting you a thumbs up that you’re sure is supposed to be a wish of good luck. 

He doesn’t even know how much you’ll need it. 

.         .         .

Meeting Daeun is even more tortuous than seeing her from afar. She’s even prettier up close, with a blinding smile and fluttering eyelashes. However, her beauty isn’t what strikes you the most. It’s how she’s hugging Sungho in the middle of your doorway that leaves you shocked. 

She’s clearly just saying goodbye, Sungho trapping her in one of his notorious hugs before she leaves. The sight has you frozen in place nonetheless, the grocery bag you were carrying now hanging lower in your slackened grip. Sungho seems to sense your presence as the two release from their hug, eyes lighting up as he sees you standing beyond the doorway. 

“Y/N! I didn’t know you’d be home so early,” he beams. “This is Daeun, my research partner.”

“Oh, this is Y/N?” The woman questions, shooting you a soft smile. “Nice to meet you.”

You force yourself to return the smile, although you’re sure yours comes out awkward with a hint of confusion. “You too.”

There’s a thick silence that ensues as Daeun regards the two of you. Her gaze flickers between you and Sungho a few times before she lets out a small chuckle, as if she knows something you don’t. At least you feel like you’re one step ahead of her, knowing that something’s going on between her and Sungho. You just didn’t quite expect to see it so clearly.

“Well I’m going to get going,” Daeun sings. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sungho. Nice to meet you again, Y/N.”

The woman disappears down the hallway with a little wave, ponytail swaying behind her with every step. The minute she’s out of sight, Sungho moves forward, relieving you of the grocery bag that is basically on the floor at this point. He holds the door as you take slow steps forward, finally forcing your body to enter the apartment. As you slide off your shoes, Sungho ruffles your hair before moving to unpack the groceries. 

“So,” you begin, sitting on the countertop next to where Sungho is fussing over the various fruits that you had bought. “She’s cute.”

Sungho shoots you a confused look. “I mean, I guess.”

“You guess? Isn’t she like your girlfriend or something? I feel like you should think she’s cute.”

“Woah,” Sungho chuckles. “Where did you get that from?”

“What?”

“That she’s my girlfriend? She’s literally just my partner for my research project.”

You shrug, trying not to oogle the breadth of Sungho’s shoulders as he leans down to place an egg carton in the fridge.

“I just thought you two were close. And you look kinda cute together,” you mumble, beginning to swing your legs where they hang over the edge of the counter. 

Sungho stares at you incredulously. “Ummm…okay, I guess. She’s not really my type, though.”

“Really?” You hate the way your voice comes out in a rush of excitement. “I mean, um, I’m surprised. Like I said, you two look cute together.”

In the blink of an eye, Sungho is standing before you, slowly making space for himself in the vee of your legs. His palm is warm as he places it on your knee, right on top of the rip in your jeans. The new proximity has you leaning back a bit, only to be stopped by the wall behind you. You find yourself going a little cross eyed at the closeness, trying your hardest to maintain eye contact. Sungho just smiles, squeezing your knee softly.

“I mean it,” he mumbles. “I already have my eye on someone else, pumpkin.”

It feels as if the distance between the both of you is getting smaller by the second, some sort of invisible pull bringing you closer. At the last minute, Sungho leans upward, letting his lips gently peck your forehead. The warm sensation on your skin lingers, even as Sungho pulls back to shoot you another smile. 

“Welcome home, by the way.”

The man then retreats as if nothing happened, going back to unpacking the groceries. You don’t dare move from your position, heart still hammering in your chest. It takes a moment before you are able to exhale, your breath coming out short and shaky. If it weren’t for the stability of the counter underneath you, you’re sure you would have fallen over. It makes you wonder if Sungho would’ve caught you if you had. 

“So, what do you want to do for dinner?” Sungho calls over his shoulder, shooting you a small smile. “I’m really in the mood for sushi.”

.         .         .

You impatiently rap your knuckles against the heavy door in front of you, shifting your weight from foot to foot. Never before had you felt this sense of urgency, limbs feeling jittery with every passing moment that you spend standing still. It’s enough anxiety to have you running a marathon, and even then, you swear you would still have some anxious energy left. However, the minute that a confused face opens the door, you feel a bit of the tension leave your body. 

“Y/N?”

You smile sheepishly. “Hi, Sanghyuk. I need your help.”

You’ve always found Sanghyuk and Jaehyun’s shared apartment to be extremely homely. The two of them have arrays of stuffed animals and trinkets in every corner of the home, along with an assortment of fuzzy blankets in every nook and cranny. It’s cozy and calm, especially with the way it’s never quite silent. Usually Jaehyun is the culprit, either joking and laughing loudly or playing some music to set the vibe. 

But even now, as it’s just you and Sanghyuk in the space, the cozy feeling is amplified. You’re wrapped up in one of his fleece Pokémon blankets, cocooning yourself in warmth. It’s quiet for a moment, Sanghyuk never pushing you to speak before you’re ready. After a few deep breaths, you finally feel ready to open up. 

“I think I like Sungho.”

You expect something to shift in the moment, maybe for Sanghyuk to squeal in surprise or for the world to stop turning for a bit. But it’s nothing like that. Instead, Sanghyuk just continues to look at you, a neutral expression coloring his face. 

“Okay,” he murmurs softly. “Tell me more.”

And you do. It’s easy to confide in Sanghyuk, with his soft smiles and solemn nods. He listens as you pour your heart out, explaining everything from the first bit of physical contact after your shitty date to meeting Daeun in the apartment. As every piece of the story comes out, you feel your chest begin to grow lighter. 

“And now I’m here because I don’t know what to do.”

Sanghyuk just hums, clearly pondering your words before he speaks. “Well, are you going to tell him?”

“I can’t!” You all but whine, throwing your hands up in exasperation. “He’s just going to pity me and reject me and then it’s going to be weird when we have to see each other all the time. I mean, we live together.”

“What makes you so sure that any of these things are going to happen?”

“I don’t know.”

Sanghyuk shrugs. “Exactly, you don’t know. So what’s the harm in trying?”

You can’t help but groan, head beginning to pound at the mere thought of telling him how you feel. “But what if he hates me?”

“And what if he loves you?” 

What if Sungho loves you?

It’s hard to imagine, but for a moment you get a glimpse of what that would be like. Forehead kisses would trail down to meet your lips instead of just stopping there. Cuddles and hugs could turn into more meaningful touches. A hand on the waist would be a show of belonging, not just a hint of guidance. The man that you want would finally be yours. 

“I’m scared, Sanghyuk.”

The man across from you sighs, beginning to pick at the corner of his own blanket. “I know, but you’ll never know if you don’t try.”

“And Daeun?”

“Has Sungho ever lied to you?” Sanghyuk cocks an eyebrow when you shake your head no. “Exactly. You have no reason to believe he isn’t telling you the truth.”

You know that he’s right, just like he always is. It’s just hard to ditch the niggling feeling in the back of your brain that there’s something you don’t know. The glint in Daeun’s eyes and the surprise in Sungho’s had to have meant something. It had to. 

“I know that, but I just need to hear it. Can you please be 100% honest with me?” You ask softly, eyes firmly fixed on Sanghyuk. 

“I always am.”

“Does Sungho have a thing for Daeun?”

Sanghyuk chuckles. “No. Like he said, he has his eye on someone else.”

The phrase bounces around your head the entire walk home. Someone else could be anyone. It could be another person in his research class or one of his gym companions. It could be that one really cute guy that works at Donghyun’s cafe. It could be anyone. It could be you. 

As you unlock your apartment door, you’re greeted with the familiar sight of Sungho wiping down the kitchen counters. It’s a little thing he does, constantly cleaning and tidying to the point that it’s almost motherly. But his habit is endearing, especially as he scrunches his nose while scrubbing at a particularly stubborn stain. 

The minute he looks up, though, any trace of tension is gone from his face, melting into a soft smile. He’s quick to abandon the cloth he was using, approaching you with wide arms. The hug that he engulfs you in is all too tight, but you find it freeing rather than suffocating. However, the breath leaves your lungs when Sungho places a soft kiss on your forehead. 

“Welcome home, pumpkin,” he coos softly.

As you two part, you can’t help but stand frozen in place, a warm rush flooding your body. If Sungho notices, he doesn’t show it, choosing instead to go back to cleaning. Before you can stop it, the warmth travels upward, escaping your body before you can catch it. 

“I want you to mean it.”

The short phrase makes Sungho stop, turning back to you with a confused furrow in his brow. “Mean what?”

As much as you want to race to retract your words, Sanghyuk’s voice echoes in your mind. Someone else, you remind yourself. It could be you. You take a deep breath. 

“When you kiss me,” you explain, squeezing your eyes shut as embarrassment begins to color your cheeks. “I know it’s just on the forehead or cheek, but I want you to mean it.”

Sungho makes a confused little noise. “But I do mean it.”

“Not in the way that I want you to. Not in the way that I mean it.”

The silence that overcomes the room makes time tick by ever so slowly. What are mere seconds feel like hours as the two of you simply stand in the hallway, neither of you daring to say a word. Even though your eyes are closed, you can tell Sungho is shifting his weight back and forth, the motion making the floorboards creak slightly. 

“Y/N, I need to understand. How exactly do you want me to mean it?”

Somehow, the question gives you the energy to open your eyes, instantly sweeping them over Sungho’s form. The white tee shirt he wears is marred with splotches of water, likely from his earlier time cleaning. His hands are calloused as they run through his hair, grip permanently rough from spending too much time at the gym. There’s a bit of redness around his temples from what looks like the beginning of a blemish. He’s stunning like this. 

“I want you to like me the way I like you.”

Sungho’s confused expression deepens. “And what way is that?”

“Like more than a friend or roommate. I want you to like me romantically.”

The laugh that Sungho lets out comes as a surprise. It even surprises the man itself, it seems, based on the way he instantly covers his mouth with his hands. His eyes have grown wider in shock, gaze uncertain as it remains locked on you. But soon that all melts away, replaced with a subtle smirk. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just—who says I don’t already?”

The apartment seems to shrink around the two of you, compressing all of the air in the room. Even the hallway feels tighter, invisibly drawing you and Sungho closer together. It’s as if there was a shift in the space, in your space. 

“B-but, Daeun?” You manage to stutter out, trying to ignore the way that the walls are pressing in on you, forcing you closer to Sungho. 

It seems that your roommate is feeling similar effects, slowly stumbling towards you as well. 

“I told you,” he mumbles softly. “She’s just my research partner. I like someone else. Y/N, I like you.”

The apartment shrinks a little more.

“You do?”

Sungho nods, smiling sheepishly. “I have for like, two years now. I mean, I tried to show you! Why else would I be all over you like that?”

“Because you’re a touchy person?” You question, not sounding too convinced of yourself. 

“Because I like you, pumpkin.”

The space is finally completely compressed, you and Sungho now standing toe to toe. He feels so much broader like this, taking up his fair share of the newly tiny space. It’s dizzying to be pressed so close together, even though it’s far from the first time. Once again, you find that it’s freeing rather than suffocating.

“I thought you were just being a really good roommate.”

Sungho chuckles, the sound vibrating through both of your bodies. The closeness allows him to easily wrap an arm around your waist, his free hand tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. He lets his hand trail downward, cupping your cheek. 

“I don’t think really good roommates would do this.”

As much as you have felt Sungho’s lips on your face, the feeling of him pressing a kiss to your mouth feels utterly foreign. His lips are made soft from his constant use of peach chapstick, rivaling your own soft pucker. The kiss is both just as quick and equally as gentle as his pecks to your forehead. When he pulls away, you can’t stop the small whine that escapes you. 

Your eyes flutter open, trying to tamp down the immediate feeling of embarrassment that floods your core. You don’t seem to be the only one, though, with Sungho’s cheeks taking on their own rosy hue. For a moment, the two of you are silent, letting the apartment around you expand and contract with every breath you take. 

“Sungho,” you whisper. 

It’s all it takes for Sungho to instantly reconnect his lips to yours, this time kissing you deeper. The hand around your waist pulls you impossibly closer, leaving no room between your bodies. It gives Sungho the leverage to lean over you slightly, letting his lips capture yours again and again. The feeling is dizzying. Never has Sungho’s touch electrified you so much. 

When you finally pull away, heavy panting fills the silence between you. It takes Sungho a moment to open his eyes, finally staring back at you with dark eyes. It’s different from the Sungho you’re so used to seeing, playful and easygoing. Instead, this Sungho desires. 

“So,” you can’t help but ask. “This means you don’t like Daeun, right?”

“Holy shit,” Sungho curses before breaking out into laughter.

His chuckles shatter the moment, both hands dropping down to his sides. It’s endearing to watch how his nose scrunches and his eyes squeeze shut. But honestly, you don’t know what is so funny. 

“Y/N, pumpkin,” Sungho begins in between chuckles. “Daeun has a girlfriend.”

Oh.

.FIN.

[yanderemommabean]

Venting post (Homelife and abuse I guess)

Sorry for the low energy beans, my abusive grandmas been screeching her lungs out every night for hours on end and demanding the stupidest things, so I haven’t been getting much sleep.

She literally talked to me like a dog today, telling me “Come on, come here girl, come do this for me, come on”. Talk about dehumanizing.

No matter what I say or do she calls me: Lazy, selfish, slobbish, ugly and stupid, and demands that I stay on “her side” when other people tell her to back off in the family. She’ll tell me I’m a piece of shit lowlife even if I do exactly what she wants, or she’ll degrade me and mock me just because she can, and apparently we can’t do anything about that.

She genuinely needs to either die, or go to a mental institution, because my heart can’t take this stress it’s bad enough, and not being able to sleep because she’s a demanding baby is going to end up killing me.

Even if I try to ignore her, being silent does nothing and she’ll threaten more violence or nonsense, or just scream and scream and scream until you’re forced to answer, then acts like she did nothing wrong to warrant your outburst.

Going to my room does nothing, she’s right by me, her yelling and screaming and demanding cannot be blocked out.

I’m aware that I need to leave, but to do that I have to have a place to go, a car to drive, or a friend I trust and I do not have food let alone money and an income to rely on if I moved out. I don’t own a car, I’m trying to get a job DESPERATELY and my friends don’t have any room for me at their place, and have stated as such.

So I’m more or less stressed to the max and wondering why she can’t just be taken somewhere because I cannot take care of her and she refuses to listen to anyone or let anyone rest. Even if you act soft and sweet and caring she’ll spit at you this nonsense and try in some way to threaten or demean you.

There’s no “talking it out” because she doesn’t CARE. She’s never cared, not once.

I’m exhausted and I’ve been putting up with this nonsense for about four or five days now and if I don’t sleep soon and actually rest idk I might be sent to the hospital.

I hate this woman. She’s making me extremely Ill and distressed and for NOTHING.

This was just me venting, sorry loves, she’s up again and so am I so I’m trying to distract myself <3

I love you beans, stay safe and healthy

-Mommabean

[aliaology]

CARDIGAN

summary: right person, wrong time.

pairings: jack hughes x fem!reader

warnings: mentions of cheating, drinking

heels clicked against the cobblestone walkway. people came, people left. yet you stayed. you stayed in the living room. the party around you felt empty, even though the room was crowded. you watched, watched his hand move from her after she attempted to touch him.

why was it that suddenly he didn't want to touch her, but just last month he was perfectly fine being inside her? it felt unfair.

you sipped your drink. you remembered being the one who got him for his summers, winters, falls, and springs. now she had him, well, not necessarily. he barely even pays attention to her. instead he talks to his best friend, who keeps glancing your way.

every time you find jack's eyes on you, you watch the pain hit his face. but that was his fault, right? he chased two girls, lost the one.

the one. were you really the one for him? you two were young. by the time he hit 16, he called you his. that you would forever be the one. your parents and his parents laughed. you were too young to say that. too young to know anything.

you adverted your attention from jack, to the party itself. the loud music, crowded room, and bodies jumping, yet it still felt like nothing was there.

"what are you doing, jack?" you asked, a smile adorning your lips. the brunette boy shuffled through your closet. "you have literally nothing to wear" he groaned.

"hm, maybe because i dont just wear hoodies and shorts. none of my clothes will fit you" you laughed, watching him from your bed.

he groaned again. ultimately, he fell down onto the bed next to you, hands meeting your waist and pulling you on top of him. "guess ill wear you to keep warm."

you let out a laugh. "that sounds so wrong, jack. plus, im not some sort of cardigan" you giggled.

jack smiled at the sound of your laugh. "you're still my favorite, even if you unfortunately aren't a cardigan."

you let out a sigh and stood up from the couch you sat on. you grabbed your drink, and walked to the kitchen, gripping walls for support as your heels killed your feet.

you went to dump your drink out, feeling a hand on the small of your back. you jumped slightly, looking behind you to see jack. he lingered like a tattooed kiss, never leaving you alone if he knew where you were.

"what do you want, jack?" you asked, placing your cup on the counter, head now facing forward as you refused to look at him.

"i miss you" he spoke softly, his free hand reaching to your side. you weren't surprised. you knew he'd try coming back to you. you felt his hand move up under the cardigan you wore over your red dress.

you let out yet another sigh. you wanted to let him back in, to turn around and kiss the shit out of him, but you didn't. no, he hurt you. you couldn't let him do it again.

"jack we're gonna be late" you laughed, trying to pull away from him as he kept peppering kisses along your face.

"who cares? just let me love you." he placed a soft kiss on your lips. you smiled into it, hand cupping his cheek.

his hand rested on your thigh, fingers tracing stars onto your skin as his lips stayed on yours.

"i think august would be pleased to have you instead." you spit. jack let out a sigh. "baby please, it was a mistake."

you scoffed and shoved his hands away from your body. "a mistake that happened more than once over the course of a month." you sent him a harsh glare. "a mistake that occurred while i was in new hampshire, visiting my mom who was in the hospital."

"baby please" he pleaded.

you let out a sigh and walked away from him.

"baby- baby wait!" he yelled, rushing towards you, a towel being the only thing around his waist.

your heart broke at the texts, the pictures, the messages. you wanted to throw up, his endeavors happened in your home. your bed. on your sheets. your side is where she slept.

"go to hell, jack!" you ended up slamming the door, rushing to your car.

you cursed him under your breath as you walked away, hearing the same words fall from his mouth as they did that night.

"baby it was a mistake! come back to me.." and his voice trailed off even as he chased you. you drowned him out.

erm was this good... i cant work on now that we dont talk atm bc my laptop is acting up so here is this to make up for it!!

[rise-my-angel]

Heart of the Great Wolf

A Family Conflicted

Pairing: Jon Snow x F!Baratheon!Reader, Robb Stark x F!Baratheon!Reader (One Sided)

Length: 25.9k

Warnings: angst/hurt comfort, implied accusations of stealthing/baby trapping, pregnancy, discussions of abortion, mention of child illness, possessive tendencies, modern!au

Notes: The festival in this chapter is made up, my own in universe equivalent to Halloween. Previous Installment Here, Series Masterlist Here

Jon wished he could say he had no idea what his brother was talking about. It was the middle of the night, and he felt as if he was just ambushed. With what he knew they were now both aware of, or at least, Robb was certainly aware of, it seemed if you hadn’t spoken to Jon about it yet, he was now taking it upon himself to do so on his own. Jon knew there was nothing on him giving it away, and his face was as steeled and calm as could be if not just a tad on edge.

Closing his car door, he only made it a few steps up before stopping with a more narrowed gaze. But, if Robb wanted to go down this route, Jon wasn’t going to make it easy. “How what is a coincidence?”

Barley raising an eyebrow, Robb didn’t move nor shift his expression as much as Jon did. “She didn’t tell you?” Jons face though, didn’t change and yet that told him everything he needed to know. Were there something going on with you that Jon wasn’t aware of, everyone knew he would jump at the first chance to find out if you were alright. But he didn’t, he tried to stay calm but in turn, he was too calm. And Robb knew it. “So she did tell you.”

Jaw clenching, Jon turned his head away for a moment. Staring at the nothing of the driveway beside his feet, his hand holding the cloth bag a little tighter knowing that at least one thing was more able to be found out by Robb then the other that might drive suspicion. “She did.” Like Jon had put it to himself before, if Robb wished to do this now he’d have to say it of his own volition. What he was really accusing him of.

He started off easy, pushing off the edge of the wall and letting the arms crossed over his head drop to his sides. “Why was she so scared to tell you?”

In an honest motion, Jon had dropped his head a little with a pointed stare. His voice rough and low and almost a bit slowly spoken as if putting emphasis on what they both should be aware of already. “We’re not married, we haven’t been dating for long and we didn’t plan this. Of course she was scared.” Robb only pressing him on asking in a repeat of what he said, that it wasn’t planned and it was Jons turn to step closer. “You think she’d be afraid to tell me she was pregnant if we were already trying?”

His face already twisting into an anger that could spiral out of control should he not control himself, but if what he thought was coming truly was, his anger might snap and he knew it.

“Or if only one of you was trying.”

He didn’t even let Jon retaliate, barrelling right past what he knew was a move to defend either of you on it. “We both knew she didn’t plan this, Snow. She started having a panic attack just trying to tell me, let alone you. Why would she be so scared to tell you? Why was her first instinct to beg me to believe her saying she didn’t do this on purpose?”

Whatever Robb thought, that hurt in Jons own heart. You pled the same thing to him, but Jon had never even once gone down that path of thinking with you before. He dared not think too long on where that might have come from, for more accurately, who put that in your head that such a thing was an option. With your track record for dating, Jon knew it came from an already scared place. But Robb? Why Robb was accusing him was another.

“And she begged me to believe the same thing.” Neither said anything for a moment, but nothing changed in what was brewing in the eyes of both wolves. Jon broke the heavy silence first that time. “We’ve known her since we were children. And a few weeks ago she was worried she was intruding coming to dinner with us just because she was dating me then. After everything Karl and Ramsay must have put her through, of course she jumps to the worst option with me. It hasn’t been that long.”

It was painful, but it was true. As comfortable as Jon had gotten you with being romantically involved, you still were incredibly apprehensive about other things and tonight had proven just that. How instantly your mind had jumped to the worst thing, and adding insult to injury, how willing you were to do whatever he wanted to just to make it right.

Slowly did both of them move one at a time to close the gap, Robb now stepping closer to him with more of an edge in his tone. “You’re right, it hasn’t been that long. And it happened anyways. She tell you how she think it happened?”

It was not taken as well as it sounded in his head. “I assume you know how the process works.”

Robbs eyes narrowed though, in the dim lighting from the front porch it was not well seen but Jon knew that his blue eyes were no doubt flashing in something warning not to test him. “She thinks it was when you both went to Hornhill. For the wedding. Said she got drunk and forgot.” Before Jon could even open his mouth, Robbs tone dropped further to something much more blatantly angry. “After what happened and you let her get that drunk? Let alone-”

Whatever line both of them were trying not to cross, Robb had accidentally crossed an entirely different one that pushed Jon into something far more angry and his voice no longer had the sensibility to keep as calm or quiet to contain it. “Let alone what?” Robb didn’t answer, seemingly realizing what he had almost insinuated but it was too late. “No, Robb. Tell me, you think I let her get wasted so I could sleep with her. Hope she’d forget her birth control on purpose. Tell me that’s what you think I did.”

If that was honest in his heart what he thought, Robb talked around it. “You let her get drunk at all after I had to-”

Only this time, Jon wasn’t having it. “She’s not a child. I don’t have to tell her what she can and can’t do when we’re out celebrating. What would you have wanted me to do? Keep her on a leash? Order her around in front of everyone that she can’t drink when no one else has a problem with it?” Jon could feel his voice starting to raise but it wouldn’t stop as he also stepped closer to his brother. “She got too drunk once, and you’ve never let it go. You might not have moved on yet, but I have. How about when she wakes up you tell her how wrong she was for getting drunk at all?”

You weren’t even that much in the way of drunk, certainly by the time he got you back to the hotel. It had been a while since your last drink, what he couldn’t even recall. Something sweet and citrus smelling that you shared with Gilly. After that you all sat there talking for a while, a little more dancing certainly again between you and the much more drunk Gilly who was having the time of her life. Then you ended up speaking to Sam’s mother for a while as the worst of it wore off.

He had to help you more down the steps to the car, but beyond that the glassy look in your eye had mostly gone away by the time you got to the room. You weren’t entirely sober, he knew that, but neither was he. You were about as buzzed as he was, but thanks to the Free Folk, Jon had guiltily learned how to drive with more alcohol in his system then most people. He was fine to drive you home when you weren’t, but Robb was acting as if you were as black out drunk as you had gotten that night.

When he had mentioned you talked to Tormund that night, you hadn’t even remembered that much. You just recalled when Robb got there and little more after, since you passed out in his car. You weren’t that, you could walk in a straight line and no one would sense you were drunk unless they knew you well enough to spot how much more let loose you were.

Jon didn’t even know if you had took your birth control or not, he didn’t pay attention to that. You did it so routinely that he just assumed you had before, and clearly, you assumed that as well. If he knew you hadn’t taken it, would he have wanted too? Of course, that dark part of his brain hadn’t left, but he was sensible enough not to push it.

At most, he’d have laid you out on the bed and tasted between your legs until you passed out. He wouldn’t have risked it if he knew. Getting you pregnant wasn’t the worst thing ever, but he never wanted to push you before you were ready.

Back in his present though, Robb was growing more protective over you by getting more angry at him. “So it was an accident. The one night she gets drunk enough to forget her birth control, after going with you to a wedding, is the one time you accidentally got her pregnant. Even after everything from the other night about you clearly already talking to someone about getting her pregnant in the first place.” His tone had dropped back to a more even cadence, but Jon could pick out the bitterness in it as much as he could not hide his blatant anger.

Perhaps that time, Jon took it too far but once he said it he couldn’t take it back. “Mistakes happen. Just because you expect everyone around you to be as perfect as you all the time, doesn’t mean I do.” They only stared at each other as the guilt had sunk down heavy into Jons heart right away. The pressure was always on Robbs shoulders enough as it was, he didn’t need Jon of all people making him feel ashamed of that tendency to obsess over perfection. But he couldn’t stop himself before he spoke a little more strained to finish the thought off, “But you weren’t the one between us who was the mistake in the first place, I wouldn’t you expect to understand any of that.”

The conflict was set out. A slight against Robb, and yet Robb picked up on Jons own insecurity even if he didn’t realize it. All of the Stark children were planned, his father was lucky in that sense. All but Jon. An accident with a random woman whom wanted nothing to do with him since he was born. Jons entire life was a mistake, and no matter how unplanned his own child had become, he wasn’t about to follow the same path. They’d have two parents who could prove you both would see them otherwise no matter what. But, both brothers knew it also meant Jon still hadn’t gotten passed it.

Jon still had not moved passed the self image that he was a mistake in his fathers life.

But, they were both smart, intelligent men with short tempers and for all those smarts, sometimes, slow minds. Which was why Jon slighted Robb, and Robb slighted him right back. “You still haven’t told me why I should think you didn’t get her pregnant on purpose.” Only to cut Jon off once more when he went to argue. “Where’d you go tonight? Left when all of us were asleep, where’d you even go? Whats in there?”

Nodding down to the bag, Jon couldn’t tell Robb that. He might never paint the image he was innocent of that accusation if he did. It was just Jons obsessive nature that made him buy it, nothing malicious. Just like the ring in his pocket, he would’ve waited years if he needed to before either gift was necessary. But the timing was just terrible, because Jon consistently had the worst timing known to man.

He answered as honestly as he could while keeping it vague. “I had to pick something up from the station.” Asking what, Jon just as shortly snapped back. “Something that isn’t your business, Robb. My life isn’t always about you, including now.” Trying to move into the house fed up with this conversation, Robb pressed a hand against his torso and pushed him back.

Both men moving in front of the other with narrowed, angry gazes and shoulders near squaring up in an aggression as Robb said your name. “If I have something to be worried about with her, then it is my business. I care about her too, Snow.”

“Too much.” His eyes narrowed as Jon elaborated, his voice raising again. “Robb you care about her to the point you made yourself jealous. You always encouraged me to date her, you called me telling me to come back and fix what I screwed up. And now that things between me and her are fine, you got jealous that it wasn’t all about you and she wouldn’t rely on you the way she would me from now on. Because you can’t let me have one thing to myself that you don’t want to take from me.”

Were they both not so angry, they’d have noticed the lights on the main house porch turning on, or the lights in the very house behind them turning on inside. Robbs voice raised too, which wasn’t helping. When Jon raise his voice it was somewhat expected with his shorter temper. Robb had just as much of a temper, but never when Jon was also angry. And their shouting voices carried throughout the property. “You were afraid that she needed me, so you trap her with you to make sure she’d need you for the rest of her life.”

Jon only shouted back, “Thats what you think of me?”

Robb arguing that Jon so far hadn’t given him any reasons to think otherwise and it was growing and growing in tension to the point were they true wolves they might’ve let their teeth out by now. “Or you were afraid you’d lose her and so you got her pregnant to force her to stay no matter what you do to fuck up in the future.”

Robb only tilted his head with a raise of his eyebrow, challenging Jon to prove him otherwise but letting the bag in his hand drop to the ground without care, Jon took a massive step right in Robbs face. Both moving in a way that signalled to any watching that they might not have the claws of wolves, they had the aggression of one. But that was the thing, there were people watching.

More then they realized, with their voices having shouted more then they realized.

Two pairs of hands intervened. One pulling Robb back by the shoulder, the other all but dragging Jon down the driveway. Theon refusing to let Robb shove him off, leaning into his side with a very short and rather pissed off hiss, “Knock it off.”

It was his father in his ear, “Enough.” As if ingrained in his blood to listen, Jon settled right away. His heart not yet slowing down but the pounding against his chest lessened to the point his blood cooled off a bit. Addressing them both, Ned sounded both exhausted and a bit shocked. “You both really thought shouting at each other out here was the best place to handle this situation?”

Robb tried to defend himself, or them both for all Jon knew. “Father,”

But he wouldn’t have it. Telling him that they’ve both said more then enough. Glancing to the side, they had more of an audience. All dressed in their sleepwear, Catelyn stood closer to the house with wide, concerned eyes. Arya stood close to Sansa’s side as they likely told their little brothers to stay in their rooms before following their mother. Sansa’s wide blue eyes were shocked but less worried as she looked beyond where Robb now stood less agitated at Theons side up the small steps. “You’re really pregnant?”

It was only then did both Jon and Robb realize. Jon finally looking more up, and Robb half turning around and the guilt washed over them both to a flooding degree. You stood at the front door, partially opened as your hands gripped onto it with something even in the dim light Jon could tell was incredibly upset. Stammering, you looked between them all and just nodded before you broke.

Everything Jon said and did to calm you back down tonight, and he let his temper and possessiveness get the better of him and once again broke it himself. Hand coming up to try and cover your mouth, the hope you could force the cry back down but it slipped in your eyes.

Were his father not keeping a hold on his shoulder to stay there, he would’ve gone right too you, but he had a feeling no one else here thought him or Robb were the right fit to handle this.

Catelyn though, through her deeply rooted issues with him, still could look at you and see a girl she saw grow up on and off for half your life. Stepping up closer, she held an arm out her hand stretched to take yours as she muttered you name, “Come with me.” Like the instincts of an upset girl took over, breaking Jons heart all over again, you just nodded.

Letting your hand drop with a shaking gasp trying to hold back but the tears just fell freely at that point. Catelyn wrapped her arm around your back as she turned to guide you into the house, quietly in a soothing voice saying she’d made you something to calm down until your voices were too faded, being moved into the main house.

Everyone stood still looking at each other until Arya repeated what her sister had said with your name, “She’s actually pregnant this time?”

They looked at Jon, but he didn’t respond. Eyes closing as he ran a hand over his mouth, the anger had melted away and was replaced instantly with something deeply guilty at causing this. He had told you that you both would break the news to them in a few days, prepare what to say make it easy on your nerves and he ruined that by engaging in Robbs jealousy.

His father though, had other ideas. “Go inside.” Robb tried to plead but barley managed to get a single word out. “All of you. Let me speak to Jon alone.”

Were that not intimidating, would he ask the same questions? How far did the accusations get heard by them? You no doubt had heard them all. Likely waking up to the muffled sound of voices shouting and along with Theon opened the door to a firestorm of news that the rest of the Starks too were now privy too.

Theon had to yank Robb backwards to all but shove him towards the stairs, his voice thick with sleep and an irritation seldom heard on him. “Done enough damage for one night, haven’t you?”

Looking back, Jon still stood as still as a statue, the nerves now rushing through him at a lightening speed to what was coming from the one man whose opinion mattered more then even Robbs of him. But Ned nodded at Theons asking gaze to close the door, and waited too until he saw the girls close the front door to the main house.

“Father-”

A man who cut right to the chase though, was if no one else, the epitome of Ned Stark. “You want to move you both into the main house, I assume. Make sure she’s around everyone the further along she gets?” Jon stood in a sort of numbness if not shock at everything he had just let happen. But he nodded, dropping his hand down as both settled by his waist as if to steady himself. He wasn’t pushed though, “Alright. Get some rest. Catelyn will call Maester Luwin to get her on our care, and we’ll start getting ready in the meantime first thing in the morning.”

Waiting for him to nod, his father got only a few feet before Jon shouted, not as loud, just getting his attention. The wide eyed look on his face reminding his father much more of the nervous boy he used to be and not the man he was. “What Robb-”

But he was cut off, something the Stark men were seemingly good at towards one another. “Forget that right now. Get whatever sleep you can, avoid Robb and we’ll speak later.” Not moving until Jon nodded that time, before turning to make his way back to the house where Jon could only presume they’d keep you in for the rest of the night. Away from the two wolves who ruined everything with their jealousy, and keep them separated with Theon there to act as a guard to ensure they didn’t make more of a mess then this was.

Barley closing the front door when the Greyjoy in question spoke. “Seven hells, you two know how to break the news don’t you?” Jon only let his eyes half glare in his direction, hand stretched behind him with the bag to lock it without needing to look. “Don’t glare at me, Snow. I didn’t announce to the whole realm she’s pregnant.”

Theon likely didn’t expect Jon to say anything, only watching as he made his way to his room now free from your presence much to his own personal upset. Tossing the bag down onto the ruffled bed, he could see the hints of the wolf plush and his eyes closed trying to keep it all together at how badly he just made everything to start you off with.

What he was going to say to Robb come morning, he had no idea. But he’d wake as early as he could to find out when he was taking you to see Maester Luwin. No matter what he was accused off, he was going to make sure you and the baby were alright no matter how suspiciously prepared Robb thought he was.

You had tried to tell him it wasn’t necessary.

Assuming he must have plenty to do, but Jon was simply one of the most stubborn men you knew. Not even arguing back, the second he parked did he leave and round the other side to help you out. Muttering under your breath at him, “I can do this part.” He only gave you that look however. The one that was with a tilt of his head and a knowing expression in his eyes that said not to test him. You both knew he would simply coddle you more if just to prove you wrong.

Now though it had been a while, a few hours as everything essentially had to be redone. Luwin was the Starks Maester and you had known him from when you were younger but it had been some time since then. He knew you were coming of course, Catelyn having been the one to call him to set the appointment up but she didn’t share many details. Only telling him that they had just learned you were pregnant, and they were going to set you up on their private system. Not saying a word, Maester Luwin’s eyebrows raised as Jon was the one who walked you in.

His physical behaviour enough to tell him what he thought, only to then have Jon lay out most of the details for him in your nervous place. Having to do everything all over again so that the results were certain in their own records, Jon stayed with you the whole time. Any question that even could have popped up, Jon would ask without hesitating.

Now as you sat there, still up on the patient table, your hands held at the edge with a tense nervousness. Jon however, stood beside you with a gaze permanently scowled it felt. Your condition had already been reconfirmed, but now you mostly awaited results on your general health going into your second month and what to do next. Jon seemed to almost worry that something would come back wrong with you already, occasionally only moving to glance at the note one of the assistants wrote for him. When your eyes glanced at it with a curiosity, you had made a jest in nothing but a normal teasing, “One pretty girl’s number and you’re already reconsidering?”

Jons expression only fell further though, turning to you with a hand now running along your arm reassuringly. The other flipping the note around so you could read it as he too explained. “A list of books for me to read.” Tucking it away in his jeans pocket without looking away, Jon let that hand come sit innocently on the thigh closest to him from your higher seated position. “I’m not leaving anything up to chance if I don’t have to.”

Swallowing roughly, you knew he picked up on the heavy wave that flooded you. The way he so earnestly cared and was actively interested in even the most minute part of this process hit something in you. Perhaps it stemmed from that deeply rooted fear that he would either not want you, or want you to get rid of it once he found out. But you simply nodded, Jon letting the hand on your upper arm come up. Brushing the hair out of your face so he could cup your cheek, turning to step towards you.

His voice tender again, the grey in his eyes bright and more hopeful then even yours. “I told you, I’m going to take care of you.” You only managed to get a nod out before the door opened, Luwin entering once more.

If you weren’t sitting, you’d have nervously pulled more away from Jon so the affection wasn’t so blatant, but Jon was not at all perturbed by someone seeing the behaviour. A fluster in your chest at the brightness in his eyes almost amused. The last you had seen Luwin you were still a teenager with a crush on Jon that no one but you knew about, and now seeing him again after all this time but suddenly pregnant and unmarried was a bit embarrassing.

Everyone knew this was an accident, and you hated thinking that everyone was judging you both for it.

Jon promptly turning to ask if he found anything, but Luwin only placated his fears. “Everything is fine.” The tensity in Jons shoulders dropped, but the nerves within you clearly did not even as Luwin now addressed you specifically, “We will start you on a few things for the baby’s development. Standard protocol, folic acid, prenatal vitamins. Normally it’s ideal to start taking them before getting pregnant, but missing the first few weeks won’t harm the little one at all.”

Nodding, you glanced at the ones he was writing down. You thought the question, but Jon asked it without even hesitating. “How often will she need to take them?”

Luwin clearly knew Jon well, handing him the list sensing that he was the one who would be taking charge on some of these things. “Until at least twelve weeks.” Looking between you both, as if informing you, but noting for Jon to make sure you followed through properly. “Take them with food in the morning. If they make you feel unwell, take half in the morning and half in the afternoon. You will get the full effects you need, but the symptoms should be less severe that way if that becomes an issue.”

You all had gone over as many details as you could possibly imagine. Mind overwhelmed with information as Jon carefully helped you down onto two feet before turning to thank Maester Luwin. First a formal handshake, but of course, he had known Jon since the day his father brought him home, he was closer to him then that.

As you turned away awkwardly, picking up your bag to wrap it around your front once more, you didn’t watch the congratulatory hug Luwin offered the much more brightly smiling Jon for the news. No one from your life so early on would ever grace you with that reaction. Some wanted too that you knew for a while, of course. Because of Sansa, you had gotten a slew of messages and voicemails from Margaery demanding you call her back about it, meaning you too had gotten some much less demanding but no less excited ones from Loras. Because of Arya, you had gotten a few from Gendry who while happy for you, played it off much more as a warning that if you ever needed backup against Jon, to which you promptly told thanked with sarcasm for his enthusiasm.

You hadn’t heard from Renly, even though no doubt Loras would’ve said something to him. You hadn’t heard from Robert even though you knew Ned had promised to talk to him about the distance between you and the rest of your family. Which also meant naturally, you heard no word from your mother or father. You heard nothing from Shireen, but she was only eleven. She didn’t have a phone, and had restricted, monitored computer time. She wasn’t going to be able to reach out to you with no one noticing.

It was a suffocating, yet jealous feeling. The Starks all had each others backs, and aside from last night they all found out, there had been next to no conflict over it. You were pregnant and that was the end of it, from then on it was all about preparing for what was to come. Your family was not like that. Your father a more rigid and reserved man, and your mother raising you under the Faith of the Seven with her own devotion, you knew that this was going against what in other people they would be willing to tolerate.

In their eyes, you were raised better then that and were disgracing the family by getting pregnant while unmarried, and not to someone they would want to pre approve of as acceptable to the family standards. Perhaps they had thought dating Jon would be little more then a late rebellious phase, and not something sustainable and long term. But now, they were forced to face the music that you were about to have it in for the long haul in one way or another. Jon was forever intertwined in their lives as the father of their grandchild. You could only imagine if they did chose to even speak to you, it no doubt would turn into a lecture about reputation for you, and a lack of respectable treatment of their daughter to him.

You hadn’t quite understood what the argument was about last night. Between Jon and Robb. You had awoken in the middle of the night alone in his room, and the faint sounds of muffled fighting grew louder and louder until you recognized the voices. Throwing something on, that was when you had ran into Theon who awoke to the same thing. Only he had heard more then you, and the flicker of his eyes down to your stomach told you that the argument was about just that.

Whatever in that tension still existed, they had at least sat it aside for now. Afterall, Robb had been the one to volunteer starting to move things into the main house while Jon took you to this appointment. It was tradition, they had all insisted. Catelyn at least had grown up in the Riverlands, meaning she knew that southerners didn’t show such devoted unwavering support in these times but she happily had adapted to the idea, and despite her long standing silent conflict with Jon, it was you she was setting that aside for to bring you in.

Ned had argued the most for it to you when he came back inside, saying that you would be more comfortable in the main house once your pregnancy advanced into the further months and it would be easier moving you in now then later. They cared so much they were all happy to move you into their main home to take care of you. It was verging on later in the afternoon and still not a word was sent to you by any of your family.

Not even a smarmy text from Joffery talking down to you for making the family look bad. When not even your repulsive cousin wanted to insult you, you knew they were not approving. Image was a lot for the Baratheons for a long time, and you seemed to have just publicly squashed it into nothing. Only Gendry reached out, but he was a cousin that wasn’t even raised in the family. No one even knew he was part of the family until years ago when you met him. He was blood but he wasn’t family in the same sense, so it wasn’t the same. He accepted it because he didn’t care about that sort of thing, but the family who raised you did and spoke not a word to you.

By the time you got pulled back into the present, Jon had startled you by simply coming up behind you and resting his hands at your upper arms with a small murmur of your name. Followed by a tighter grip and a narrowed expression you could hear if not see. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

Shaking your head, you turned to look up at him with what he could clearly see was a false smile. “Are we ready to go?” Nodding, Jon simply moved passed you only slightly to grab his own jacket as you looked over more politely to Maester Luwin in a fashion he knew was overly formal. “Thank you for everything.”

He took it fine though, not a man perturbed by an awkward attitude. “It’s what I’m here for. I’ll see you in a few weeks.” Nodding, Jon thanked him again before turning you towards the door. Everyone was polite in saying goodbye on your way out, despite how little you said a word. Jon did most of that talking, thanking the assistant who must have given him the book list on his way out, while you still said very little.

A breeze was finally making it’s way into the air as you both walked through the small parking lot. Jon keeping a hand on your lower back without moving it the whole time, feeling his grey eyes watching you closely as you fidgeted with the strap of your bag. The silence you could tell was not it’s usual comfortable. It was heavy and noticeable, even as Jon still silently insisted on helping you into the car, shutting the door normally. You could see his shoulders tense has he rounded to the other side. Sitting down and running a hand over his mouth, before pulling his own seatbelt and half turning to nod over at you to do the same.

You could see out of the corner of your eye that he turned to you, wide eyed and lips parted ready to say something before deciding against it. Turning the car on being as far as he got before he tried again, that time his face twisted back to something more serious and normal. “I want to pick these books up, and a few more things, I’ll drop you off at the house before.”

He had already started to pull out of the parking lot by the time your brain caught up with hearing the words. Looking over at him more confused, you simply asked “Why?” Jon only muttering as he moved onto the main road that he wanted you to relax not drag you around town more. Sitting back in your seat, you felt a heavy block in your throat at how awkward the car was. You thought he was happy, he seemed happy when he found out last night,

But maybe you thought, this was the turn. The next morning and the realization comes of what hes getting himself into, and wondering if it was too late to go back. His family was busying moving you into the main house, he took you to see the families Maester and plans were made. He couldn’t turn around and ask you to get rid of it now, or decide to break up. Everyone else was already attached to the idea.

Nothing was said the rest of the ride, you sensing Jons tension or Jon picking up on your awkward unwillingness to look at him but no one said a word. It wasn’t far, but it felt like the air between you both was rather heavy. Seeing things still being moved from the smaller house, Jon clearly decided dropping you off there was better, knowing more people would be in there at that moment then not.

You though, took it as a quiet sign that he just wanted you out of the car. It was less of a drive to get you here then the main house and without saying a word you didn’t want to linger around him more if your presence was bothering him. Not looking at him, or even waited a single second for what Jon had intended, to open the door for you as he had before but you were already out of the car. Head down and posture sunk in on itself as you walked up the small steps.

When the car left, you weren’t even sure. Walking inside before you could turn around and see how Jon was truly watching you a bit lost, a worry bright in his eyes before fighting with himself to leave. Picking these things up now meant he could get home to you sooner again, at the least.

Inside, the place looked a bit scattered. Jons door was wide open as was yours, Everything else was in place, as you assumed for the other side of the bedrooms. Theon must have been the only one in there at the moment, walking out of what was your room looking down the hall. You hadn’t even taken anything off, not shoes or whatnot feeling suddenly as if you didn’t belong in here anymore. If he sensed your mood, he took the road of trying to lighten it up first. “Still pregnant?”

It was a joke. You knew it was a joke, and yet you hesitated. Something in your gut twisting a bit at the fear that you made a mistake again. That maybe Jon really changed his mind and you should’ve just accepted the moontea that day at the doctors. Swallowing roughly, you tilted your head in a small nod as you glanced around. Clearing your throat as you swiftly changed the subject, not that such a thing was lost on Theon. “Lots of space for two people.”

“One.” Your brows narrowed, Theon leaning against a wall as his arms crossed casually gesturing with his chin over to where the other bedrooms were. “Robbs going back too.” He knew you didn’t grasp that either, or sensed you were lost on what was going on considering the fight the previous night. “His brothers having a baby, you’re someone hes been friends with for years. He has the time to allocate to his family, so he’s going to help out. Or, try. Considering...”

The look towards you had you shift on your feet, eyes flickering away as your head looked down before nodding. “So you’re what? Staying here? Alone?”

Theon only shrugged “Isn’t so bad. Get some quiet for once. Get those two idiots out of my hair for a while, remember what its like living in a house where everyone isn’t always arguing.” Asking in a quiet voice what you were supposed to do without him, his eyebrows raised in amusement. “You’ll be surrounded by the Starks most days, you’ll have plenty to do.” But there was another, deeper look in his eye. One that picked up on the way you were standing and not saying anything, as if that spoke the words for you. “Besides,” Your eyes finally glancing back up to his properly. “I’m what? A two minute walk away at the most? I can see the bloody house from my window, Baratheon.”

Finally a small laugh came from you, Theon with a light chuckle to follow. He knew you were conflicted, and had been for some time about whatever the issue was between Robb and Jon and that you felt like you’d fall apart or let them fall apart without Theon there. But, he had more faith in you then you did for yourself. Walking up, he turned in place to wrap an arm around your shoulders and move you to where he had been working before. “Besides, if Jon and Robb aren’t here anymore. It means you can come over any time to finally get the hell away from them for a few hours.”

Only another small chuckle came from you, but it was enough. Theon playfully pushing you into the room as he told you to just look through whatever was still hanging in your closet and toss it onto the bed to bring over. Himself kneeling down to throw a few last things in a box and carry it out the door.

Looking up, most were things you hadn’t thought about in months. When Daenerys had arrived, you realized you didn’t have anything to work in. You had worked a different remote job for a while by then, but you still had clothes from working in an office. You brought them with you when you moved in with Karl Tanner, and left that house that day with half a bag barley enough for overnight and nothing else. Knowing you had nothing, the first day you showed up Renly had to bring you out to a more expensive shopping district to buy appropriate clothes.

You had hung them up when Robb and Ned had convinced your family to let you off the hook for working for them again, and didn’t look at them since. But it just all brought it back to where this started. You getting so drunk you couldn’t even walk, that you passed out the moment Robb got you in his car. Thats where everything fell apart and it was all your fault. All leading one thing to another leading you right here. You didn’t mean to put this on Jon, and he seemed to understand that you didn’t do this on purpose, but you started to feel like maybe he felt trapped anyways.

Your hand running over some of the fabric, the second the thought crossed your mind your stomach twisted once more in an upset. If it were her, he wouldn’t even be in this situation. She was smart enough not to forget something as simple as birth control. She wouldn’t ruin his life by keeping it and making him feel compelled to stay with you. This would’ve never happened if what you feared had come to pass.

Jon was out right now, likely at the book store resentful that he even needed to spend money on any of this, that he would feel compelled to read any of it. You had let yourself spend a few hours happy, the thought blossoming in your head of what if everything was going to be okay and now you felt too attached to go back. The thought that Jon wished he made you get rid of it sending something ill into your head and stinging behind your eyes.

You were ruining Jons life but maybe your child’s too by forcing them into a world that didn’t really want them on one end.

Again it was as if your hearing was turned off, not noticing them until they were at your back. A hand running smooth along your spine as Robbs voice made you jump just as Jons had only half an hour earlier. “Everything go alright with Maester Luwin?” You just nodded, Robb glancing around as if he hadn’t noticed the second he walked back over here from the main house. “Where’s Jon?”

Your voice was quiet and meek and he noticed. “Picking up some books they recommended.” Specifying about the baby and you nodded yes. You still didn’t understand what the fight last night was about, but you did know that Robb still was the one you knew wasn’t leaving. He was there and if he didn’t hate you already, he wouldn’t start now. You didn’t have to be so scared of ruining his life by keeping a baby that wasn’t even his. “Theon said you’re moving in too?”

Nodding, Robb more wrapped his arm around you the way Theon had, but pulled you a bit closer into his side as his hand ran up and down your upper arm. “Aye. Can take care of you better when I still see you everyday.” Muttering that he didn’t have too, Robb didn’t let a moment pass for thoughts to fill his words in your mind for him. “No, love. I don’t have to. I’m doing it because I care about you.”

Biting down on your tongue you desperately hoped that feeling would go away. The sting turning to warmth as the worry and self hatred filled your veins at what you had done. But still, the pricking in your mind that out of everyone Robb had assured you could open up to him. He talked you through your panic attack even as you terrifyingly spilled your secret, and he had been as gentle with you since. The feeling overwhelmed, and while nothing was loud, the breath you tried to take in was certainly stammering. A higher pitch that was a sound Robb knew well, turning to look at you and the painting in your eyes was as if flooded with water. The moment he turned to face you, a tender murmur of your name and you felt that fear break through. Covering your mouth to try and prevent it as if Robb wouldn’t see, but he didn’t let you linger on that thought.

Bringing you into his front, hiding you from the empty house but safe with him he let you try and hide how you were trying and utterly failing not to cry. Muttering down into your hair as he let one hand rise up, running down the length of it along your back smoothly, “It’s alright. I told you, we’re taking care of you.” You said nothing, but you suspected Robb didn’t assume you would. “No one wants you dealing with this on your own.”

It slipped out, it truly did. “Jon does.”

Robb would’ve pulled back in shock were his focus not more determined to calm you down in his arms, but his tone held a sudden edge to it asking with a high suspicion. “What do you mean?”

Trying to explain everything, how he was acting, how everything felt, what you were afraid of and Robb stood and let you say it all before speaking. In his own mind, something was off. Last night was not his best moment, but he knew he had to be sure. He needed to know Jon didn’t do this on purpose, and he still wasn’t. It was still a very real possibility. You being in tears telling him, promising you didn’t do this to trap him, how it happened on the one night since the bar you had gotten drunk and Jon didn’t seem to stop you, or remind you. It was all convenient.

Yet, you stood there fearing that Jon regretted everything and was too nice to tell you he wanted you to go back and get rid of it instead. Which was baffling. “Love-”

“I didn’t want this to ruin anything.” Robb only sighed, finally pulling back to grasp you on both arms to make you look at him. In slow words, asking why exactly it was you came to that conclusion, your eyes flickered away for a bit trying to find that answer. It didn’t come easy, just a feeling and a fear that you couldn’t shake off. “Maybe I should’ve just taken what the doctor suggested that day. He wouldn’t have ever known and he wouldn’t resent me.”

Robb sighed deeply, looking at you with a downward expression almost in disapproval. One hand reaching up to cup your cheek, and his eyes trying to soften enough to get you to follow naturally. “Jon doesn’t resent you. He wants this. He’s not good at expressing it, but he wants this.” Again it slipped out, the small fear of what if Jon just didn’t want it with you. “Who would-” Your eyes looked away from Robbs in a deep insecurity right away, him saying your name sternly. “Why in seven hells would you think he’d want anything to do with her after what happened?”

You shrugged, trying to turn from Robbs grasp and wipe what tears were still falling from your eyes. But it was a new voice which thew you even more off guard, how many people it seemed were privy now to your emotional outbursts. “She’s been back twenty minutes and you’ve already made her cry.” Your own eyes growing wide as you looked over, Ned leaning against the door frame with a knowing look towards you that would snap you out of it, if only in an embarrassment to be caught by a father figure this emotional, which did work.

Swallowing everything back down, you tried to say something but luckily Robb was quicker to it, catching onto the intentions moreso then you to change tune. “Not hard for her as of late.” Both laughed at your expense, and both took the moment before doing so to glance at your sudden mouth slightly agape almost in protest that it wasn’t true but the tears you wiped away stubbornly proving otherwise.

Choosing instead to cross your arms over your front, Ned held a hand out. “Come on, let Robb and Theon do the rest of the hard work.” Much like both his sons, as soon as you came close he gently pushed you forward along the main hallway with a hand at your back to guide you. Once stepping into the outside, his hand came up to grasp by your shoulder more comfortingly as you both begun to walk along the grass towards the main house. “Everything go alright?”

Nodding, you kept your arms crossed still, albeit now shifting to hide your hands more in your sleeves as the colder wind started to pick up. “I have another appointment in a few weeks, just to make sure everything is on track but he said it’s all fine.” Asking about Jon, you defaulted to the only answer you thought made sense. “He’s picking up some things they suggested he should get. Books, vitamins and whatnot.”

He nodded, but with a more pointed tone elaborated. “That’s fine, but I meant how was he during the appointment that has you so worked up.” You knew he watched your eyes flicker away, but you just shrugged. Saying he asked lots of questions. Some had described talking to you for information like pulling teeth, but Ned Stark was a man well prepared to tackle that stubborn nature. Certainly from a Baratheon, he had a lifetime of experience handling the house of stubborn stags. “I’ve never known Jon to ask questions that make a girl cry like that.”

Your gaze caught his, falling a bit flat at how all Starks held the same glint in their eyes and barley withheld smirks when they knew they were being overly clever. Inhaling deeply, your insides braced themselves not to once more overreact. “Jon didn’t say anything, or do anything. I’m just being stupid.” Ned clarified that being nervous wasn’t the same as being stupid as he guided you more towards the elaborate porch of the main house. Not yet guiding you inside but stopping to face you for a moment to get to the bottom of it before he led you inside. His look only expecting of you to grasp his point rather then lay it out further. Knowing you understood despite whatever was worried in your head. “It’s just been an overwhelming few days, I guess I don’t know what I’m feeling right now.”

“Jon knows that, he just doesn’t want you to try and hide that from him.” It took longer then a moment for you to grasp what he was saying was true, but he had a point. Nodding, you ran your sleeve more over your face as if to wipe away the turmoil so evident on it, but both you knew that the others wouldn’t pick it up as quickly as they might, and if Catelyn did, she wouldn’t bombard you about it in front of her other children.

She was always good at corralling the others out of the room to give someone space, talking gently to them about what was going on until she knew they had a plan going forward. But as the door to the main house opened, you had a feeling that no one was going to get you alone for some time today. The first thing in your hearing was the barking of direwolves, and the stern voice of Catelyn trying to cut through them. “That’s enough. Out, all of you.” You could imagine her pointing towards the back door, and the exasperated expression on her watching the most rowdy of them belonging to her youngest all causing chaos wherever they went. Lady was the only thing in sight, happily laying on one of her many expensive beds Sansa bought for her, clearly having had a spa treatment day recently. Her fur nice and clean and trimmed and a little scarf sort of fabric around her neck like a dog collar, only where a tag would be sat a bow on the side of her neck. A little rumble in the direwolf came out as you instantly approached her.

You were weak for them, all adorable as they were large and vicious to others. Going right for her ears, Lady’s golden eyes closed with that rumble deepening. The closest thing to a purr that a canine would get. Muttering quiet to the direwolf, “At least someones acting normal around me.” A small lick to your hand and a laugh let out you ran it over her head once more letting her to back to resting. Pushing up on your thighs from where you had braced yourself crouched down to her level, Catelyn walked into the room from one hall and Ned followed from the main room.

Her being the first, saying your name with a relief as if she too worried something would go wrong, but Ned cut her question off knowing everyone was going to be asking you it. “Everything’s alright. Maester Luwin is seeing her again in a few weeks for a check up, but she’s healthy so far.” Perhaps it was being a mother herself, knowing the degree to which things could go wrong that had her knowing what could’ve been on your mind.

An arm out she gestured to the kitchen, “Put your things away, there’s food out. You probably could use something to eat.” It was clear how long they were married, a single look shared between them and Catelyn nodded like words were shared mutually. Treating you with kid gloves as you sat down, she brought you a plate. Her eyes peeling to where the frame entered to the kitchen from the main living room, you knew she no doubt was watching for whom might walk in. Giving them that look she’s no doubt given to all her children, the gesture of her eyes and more stern expression telling them to leave them be.

Muttering into your food between bites, “Thank you, for everything today.” Her own eyes drifted back towards you and softened. Something more motherly then you ever imagined coming from your own, but you pushed that back down. Thinking along those lines this morning was what pulled you back into darker thinking in the first place, but you suspected she already noticed.

Leaning forward a little, her own voice lowering to minimize the chance of someone else hearing. “After what they all put you through last night, the least I could do was give you some peace and quiet.” It felt good having something in your system, it had been a pretty rough time between you and Jon that morning before everyone else was up to get you to eat something. He had shown up early knowing that at least for the night without the room set up, they’d have to put you on the couch and knew he could talk to you.

He managed to twist your arm enough to let him make you something small, but that was more then a few hours ago by that point. The thought was strange that you’d have to work on that, forgetting to eat was normal for you. You got busy or distracted and your mind would focus on that so much it pushed away everything else from your brain. But like this, you couldn’t afford to miss meals anymore. A lot was going to have to change, and you felt overwhelmed even considering how much that would look like in the next few weeks alone. Let alone within the coming months as you grew more and more pregnant.

Cutting through the quiet again, Catelyns voice had your eyes snap back up and over to her almost looking again like a startled deer. “You never felt any nausea before this?” Shrugging, you mentioned only a little but that sometimes happened to you when you were stressed, so you hadn’t seriously considered what that meant beyond possibly getting sick in general. “Did your mother?”

Pausing, your eyes narrowed looking back in your memory. “I think so.” Sitting up more, your tone dropped if only a little. Not even the thoughts from before, but what came after attached to them as you sifted through the memories. “She was sick a lot though. Even before.” Another bite passing through. “Maester Cressen said that she was sick the whole time with me. I had to be with a wet nurse most days because she was too weak to even tend to me at all. But when she was pregnant with Shireen, she was sick a lot more. Throwing up yes, but, I don’t know how much of that was normal and how much was her.”

There was a softness in Catelyns eyes when you peeked back up at them, something that understood more then you thought she would. “I used to be worried about giving birth when I was a girl. My mother passed giving birth to my brother Edmure, and I always worried that meant it would happen to me or Lysa one day.” A small smile came about you, and her as well, considering how well you both knew that she certainly of all people avoided that fate. Trying to say you were sorry in a sympathy, she passed it off. “It was years ago, I wasn’t even Rickons age when it happened. But, what I’m saying is that if Maester Luwin gave you a clean bill of health now, I don’t imagine you will have much to worry about going forward.”

The voice joining next was a tad louder then either of your quiet ones, but just as amusing to hear in her tone. “She better be fine, she has to come with us.” Looking to Arya, you knew her eyes drifted to her mother giving her a warning as she surprisingly, did not make a move to nearly tackle you in excitement the way her muscles were clearly twitching to do.

Looking between them both your brows furrowed, “Come with you where?”

Arya took no care in sitting herself down next to you, Catelyn suddenly handing her a plate the very second she had reached out to grab something from yours. You always let her, even despite Catelyns insistence she show manners even at the smaller kitchen table. “The Festival of Strangers. How did you forget, it’s not even a Northern specific celebration.” Muttering that you must have just forgotten with everything else, Arya elaborated more excited. “It’s just south of the Twins this year, so we’re all going down. There’s a big festival set up, rides, events, shows, haunted houses. You have to come.”

Catelyn gently commenting that you might not feel up for that, but it was hard for you to simply sit there and resist the way Arya had looked so hopeful that you’d join. But, that feeling came back. The one from that morning festering again. “I...don’t know. That’s a family sort of event-”

“And you’re family.”

Aryas name being said again in warning no doubt to calm her voice, but you found it hard to shake that feeling back off. “I only meant, you’ve always gone as a family together. I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

But you were foolish to pick a fight with her of all girls. Her brows furrowing in a way that looked almost a younger and more grumpy version of what Jon would look disapproving like. “You’re not intruding, you’re family. We’re inviting you, you have to come you’ll love it.” You hadn’t even needed to say it for the Starks to know your own family would’ve never willingly taken you to such an event when it sounded like fun was the primary function and not the faith itself. Almost using the once ancient religious day as an excuse for frivolity.

Trying to look back down to your plate, you wanted that feeling to go away. That poison seeping into your mind that your family no longer wanted you, and eventually this one wouldn’t either. That perhaps already you had driven Jon away or would come close too soon at this terrifying rate. “I’ll have to think about it.”

“Well think some other time because you’re about to get yelled at.” All three of your heads turned as Sansa walked into the kitchen, holding her phone out to you with an expecting look. “She says you aren’t answering her messages, so you have no choice this time.” A stare off started between you both, but it was pointless. Sansa was following orders, and the phone was no doubt not even on mute as the other party would hear you trying to protest and only make more of a scene about it later.

Reluctantly, you grabbed it from her hands before pushing up from the table. Muttering you’d take it outside as Sansa took your place. Amused smirks on all three women knowing what was coming your way. Not even bothering to put your jacket or shoes back on, you slipped out the front door. Holding the phone down, your eyes closed as ling as it took to sigh out.

Bringing it up along with your hands covered by your long sleeves trying to keep warm in the colder autumn air, you sat down on the top step, your side pressing against one of the railing pillars as you tried to keep as steady tone, eyes closed tightly in preparation. “I assume Sansa told-”

Well, she was right. You were absolutely about to get yelled at. “In the list of things presently happening in your life, did you not think it would be the most important news to tell me that you are pregnant?” Trying to say her name in the start of an explanation, Margaery on the other end only cut you off. Her voice higher pitched and a bit shrill, in that fashion you knew meant she likely was in her room. Half way through getting ready to go out and now pacing back and forth on the phone with you in a mood. “We’ve known each other since we were girls, told each other about our crushes, every major life change we’ve gone through you were the first person I told besides my brother, and now this happens and I have to hear it from Sansa?”

Your tone was not welcome in her lecture, something flat and sarcastic. “Strange way to refer to learning something your own partner told you.”

You could see it. Her stopping mid pace, turning around as if to look at you with wider eyes and a mouth agape that you would joke in a time like this. “You are not sassing your way out of this discussion. Did a Maester test you already?” Answering just that morning, but she didn’t react just yet. Firing off more interrogating questions. “When did this happen?”

You were honest, but telling Margaery that story might have been a mistake for you right now.

Her voice was a bit breathy, as if speaking through a gasp but also no doubt grinning beyond compare. “He got you pregnant at a wedding? If that doesn’t say something-”

Cutting her off, your eyes glanced up. One figure would have been too much, but both? Jon had arrived back, parking off on the street a little knowing he’d have to work out parking arrangements now that he and Robb both would be back with the already two cars, but as he walked up with a larger cloth bag then you assumed he’d return with, Robb approached as well from the main house with the last of your own things to bring over. “It doesn’t say anything, Margaery. It was an accident.”

“And yet you still didn’t tell me.”

Your free hand rested on your legs bent on the next step. Bracing against your forehead, your eyes were blocked from the view of both approaching Starks looking at the other, then to you and back, with equally as frustrated expressions. But the phone in your hand at least could be your only reprieve from watching you accidentally start another fight between them. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, and I’m sorry you had to hear it from Sansa, but, it’s been complicated. I only found out a few days ago-”

You should’ve known she’d also get angry that it was a few days ago you found out, and not yesterday as it seemed Sansa’s retelling had made it sound. Your name came from her mouth with a tone that rivalled even your own mother and father, if such a feat were possible. “You didn’t tell me for days?”

Raising your head back up, your flickering eyes caught sight of Jon and Robb both as they approached from different sides of the driveway before tucking your hand into your lap. Curling more in on yourself as you leaned against the railing as if that would make you small enough to disappear from their view.

Robb thankfully, took the more direct approach. Passing by you with a gentle look, his blue eyes bright in the outside sun that reflected that you no matter what still also had him. Only in that moment you decided not to tell Margaery that you told Robb first, instead of her. Bringing your things into the house he left you out there, but Jon was a little more conflicted.

Slowly making his way up the steps, his grey eyes light and wide as they looked so brightly at you but with something unsure and worried sitting just behind them as he looked at you. The edges of his lips twitching wanting to say something, but respecting that you were on the phone. Instead, his head dropped down as he swallowed whatever the gentle emotion painted across his face was. Brows narrowed and more frustrated then before, he seemed like he was about to pass you by completely and deal with you later.

Only, as Margaery continued to speak on the other end, you suddenly felt Jons warm figure lean down. Pulling you by the other side of your head back a bit, his lips pressing firmly down against your hair. Lingering for a moment longer then you had expected, a weight came up in your throat as that stinging feeling returned. That same pathetic fear telling you what if you never felt that again. You didn’t lean back, look up at him, or react in any way but stiffen up. But, Jon was observant. Your expression telling it all that something deeply had begun to bother you, but now in this house with such fresh news, he knew getting you alone in a state of mind to talk about it was not going to have many opportunities for some time. Not until the excitement to his siblings all simmered down. Which, who knew when that would happen.

He was happy, you were pregnant and you both wanted to keep it, he had been thrilled last night when he finally found out. But today he watched you swim back to the shores of fear and insecurity like something would go wrong and he wanted that fear to go away. He never wanted you to doubt what this was, and he knew some of what might be bothering you.

He had a few gifts he still had yet to give you, the wolf was supposed to be tonight's. He thought perhaps in a few days could be the other, but no doubt Arya would insist you come to the Festival with them, meaning Jon wouldn’t be able to say he was staying home with you. So there went that one. But as he walked into the house, he thought maybe he had an idea for a third and it was hearing Sansa mention that it was Margaery Tyrell you were on the phone with, that gave him that.

He had heard much of her, and she of him, but they had never met nor spoken, but Jon knew he might need to change that. If just to give you one gift to smile at properly, and at best, show you that he did this just to make you happy. And reassure you that none of your fears were true or worth dwelling on if he could help it.

Passing the rest of his family, Jon simply made his way up the stairs to the second floor. It had been a long time since he could call it his room up here. Once more of his younger siblings were born, it felt a bit crowded considering he was a brooding fourteen year old boy. That was when he moved into the basement, but the room up here was still considered his. It was larger then even his room in the smaller house before, and considering he and Robb were the eldest, had the perks of a small on suite in both their rooms. It wasn’t much, and the tub was a lot smaller then the other one, but it would be enough he still could have you in a bath with him when he wanted.

It was odd, the room he spent years dwelling on how in love with you he was, and now he was walking into it with books, pills, and other assorted things just for you all because you were pregnant. With his child. It was surreal, and the dazed look in his eye as he walked in was not unnoticed by his father, putting the final touches on the room for you both himself.

“Do I even want to ask how you’re feeling?”

Blinking his suprise off his face, Jon swallowed that weight down. His voice coming through a bit more rough then he expected. “About last night or in general?” His father simply stating either, Jon sighed. Looking to his dresser with an empty space on top he put the bag there before turning to lean against it, his arms crossing over his front before letting one hand run down his exhausted face. “I didn’t want you all to find out that way.”

Nodding, his father made his way more over to him, something knowing yet comforting on his tone as if he always knew how to talk his children down from difficult states. “I don’t know what gave Robb that idea, but he’ll come around.” Jon didn’t say anything, he doubted it entirely. Stepping over, he matched his sons posture beside him, only his eyes on Jons as Jons were on the floor. “If you had only known her for three months total, I’d have more reason to be worried. But you haven’t. You’ve known her over half your life, been in love with her for gods know how long. It makes sense you were more ready for this then someone else might be this soon into a relationship.”

Jon knew his father wasn’t wrong, but he had spent so much time the past hours feeling guilty that it finally all came out in that shame and insecurity. “I thought about it all the time. Her being pregnant. I couldn’t think of anything else, but I’d never-” Cutting himself off, Jon almost as a nervous tick ran a hand over his mouth once more before dropping it back down. “I know she doesn’t think that, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt that Robb does.”

For a moment, he assumed his fathers silence meant the conversation was over. About to push off the dresser to get to work, he was stopped by his fathers sudden lighter tone, more bemused as his eyes were bright in the distance of a memory. “I bought things for a baby before Catelyn was even pregnant.” If that didn’t have Jons head whipping to the side to look at him with wide eyes, but his father only chuckled to himself. “I was out with Robert, and we passed this woman coming out of some Specialty Babe Shop. A little blanket in the window, grey and black. We had somewhere to be, but I thought about that blanket all day. Didn’t even make it to work the next morning on time, because I was too busy buying it and hiding it in my car so she wouldn’t see it when I came home.”

His father obviously told him the story to make him laugh, but Jon only looked at him for a moment. The trust filling him knowing in close to amusement how alike he really was to his father, Jon turned to the bag he had brought. The other things he went out to buy in there, but still what he called his first gift inside.

Pulling it out, the soft wolf plush he handed it to his father. Explaining in a low tone as it was looked over, “I saw it in a store window when I was in town with her. I left early before going on shift the next morning to buy it, and hid it in my locker there.” Ned just laughed, a deep laugh from his chest as he nodded.

Commenting with even more of a light tone, “I think our ancestors might have been onto something, making the House Sigil a wolf. The way the men in our family act.” Both of them laughed that time, something maybe a little less worried in his head. He knew his father loved having a large family, having a difficult one growing up.

His own father Rickard a difficult and stern man, and his older brother Brandon somewhat distant from him, as he stayed half the time in Barrowton going to a unique private school opened by the Dustins. Their families close and had enough room to enroll one of them, and their father chose Brandon. His sister Lyanna not born until he was already a boy, and Benjen not even born until a bit after that. So he liked having all of his children here.

Never doing the same, and sending any one of them away for any reason. Keeping them all here, in Winterfell as a close family. It made sense, being so separate from his own family, especially when so soon after marrying Catelyn, did his his father and brother both die in an accident, and almost a year later, his sister Lyanna pass away while on a trip abroad, that instilled a deep need in his fathers mind that he wanted to start a family. Maybe try to heal from the pain of losing so much of his own after that.

But, Jon knew he didn’t have that excuse. His fathers want for a family made sense, but Jon? He knew he felt a bit more obsessive over it. Something almost possessive, but he kept that to himself.

Handing it back to him, his father gave him a look with a bit of hope and guidance. “Robbs moving in too, to help take care of her when you can’t be here. Eventually, he’ll run out of red flags he thinks he’s seeing and you two will make up. He thinks better of you then he’s willing to admit, I promise.”

Jon nodded stiffly, hiding the wolf plush away in the bag once more before clearing his throat to somewhat change the subject, and lighten the tense tightness against his chest. “What needs to be done up here?”

You could only sigh deeply. Hiding your eyes in your sleeve as your arm was propped up on your knee. You hadn’t been dragged out like this for some time, and gods be good did Margaery of all people know how to put on a lecturing tone. You suspected she must have heard your sigh despite trying to hide it, as her tone shifted a little, catching your attention with a more gentle call of your name. “Okay, the lecture part is over. How are you really feeling?”

Your silence spoke volumes, and even moreso the longer you struggled to come up with something firm to actually say. Shifting so your free hand sat at your lips, unconsciously biting at the nail on your thumb you only found any words when she called your name once more, that time in a more soft tone. “I don’t know. I had a panic attack about it the other night, then Jon found the test results so I didn’t even really tell him-” Cutting you off she jumped more to a point she sensed was a worry, asking exactly how Jon reacted. “I thought he was happy.”

“You thought? You don’t know?”

Sighing again, you moved your hand away from your mouth and tucked it against your stomach as you again curled in on yourself. “He seemed happy..he said he wanted this but now I don’t know.” Asking what changed, you struggled what that too. “I can only think of a few reasons he would want this, and plenty more he wouldn’t.”

You could hear her tone shift, as if she had been pacing this whole time and only now managed to settle either on the edge of her bed or at her overly elaborate vanity that you spent so many years as teenagers letting her paint you up like a doll on. “Listen to me, men will always have a million reasons no to want something. They’re good at it, finding excuses. I haven’t met him, but I promise you that if Jon really didn’t want this, he’d probably not hide it from you at this point. He wouldn’t be moving you two into the main house if he didn’t want this. Putting a failing relationship on display for everyone to see. I’ve been to that house more times then I can count and I’ve still never even ran into him once, someone that private isn’t going to want an audience for when everyone finds out he doesn’t want this with you.”

It poked at your mind, the question that you didn’t follow up with. What if he did want this last night, but changed his mind after it was too late to go back. Jon was a very private man, for the longest time Margaery would joke she didn’t even know if he really existed because of how little social media presence he even had. But he also was sweet and kind and caring. Meaning he wouldn’t want to make things awkward for his family after this arrangement was already made, and was playing nice now that it was too late to go back on it. “I uh, I should go. Everyone’s busy inside getting things moved in and I’ve been out here for who knows how long.”

Standing up abruptly, you offered to give her back to Sansa, but she sighed. The image of looking down at herself and realizing it had been near half an hour she was in the middle process of doing her hair no doubt. “I should get back to things here. I talk that girls ear off enough as it is.” A gentle laugh shared between you both, but she had one more thing to say. “I know this is scary, but you can always come to me if things are too much. You know my grandmother loves you and she wouldn’t pester you about things the way we might.”

Despite her not being able to see it, you nodded. A shaking inhale as you said goodbye and hung up. Standing on the porch just looking at the distance with the phone in both your hands as you considered what to do. What you wanted to even do. You weren’t lying when you said you wanted to keep it, but you also were serious when you told Jon that if he really wanted it, you’d get rid of it. It sounded desperate, doing whatever he wanted against your wishes just to stay with him but you couldn’t change the fact that such a pathetic part of you was there no matter what you thought otherwise.

But, there was nowhere to hide here. Not living in the main house. It was odd, just walking in on your own. Even when you were a guest here over many nights, it was rare you’d ever leave on your own and wander in and out as you pleased. You stayed in the guest room, not a main room. You didn’t have this place to call a home the way you did the smaller house.

It was slow, the way you slipped inside. Things seemed to have settled a bit since you first walked in. From one of the living room spaces you looked around the corner, seeing the television on. Sansa on one couch with her nails gently scratching at the slumbering Lady, and Arya splayed out on another with what looked like her homework spread out on the coffee table in front of her. You couldn’t hear where Catelyn had gone, and you knew Bran was out, always the one to take Rickon to whichever sport the youngest Stark was trying out that month.

Upstairs you could hear more. The faint sound of Robb and Neds voice, but you suspected that no doubt Jon had to be up there too if nowhere else. First making your way over to the couch, you gently sat Sansas phone down beside her, her head turning up and back to look at you with a quiet tone, “I told her to go easy on you.”

A half smile came at the explanation, partially saying that she didn’t need to make any sort of apology. The same half smile trying to be given to Arya, just watching you quietly in the same way her sister was as if both were expecting something or trying to figure something else out. But, you made your way to the main hall before they could come to whatever conclusion it was. Each step up the stairs felt heavy, it felt like a weight was sinking you further and further into the wood, your grip in the railing tight enough your knuckles strained as it moved along.

The voices grew clearer as you approached the second floor. Robbs voice heard from his old room, the light on and door open but far enough away you couldn’t see him in there, and across the hall from him you could from this angle see Ned and Jon inside his old room. Jon knelt down by a cabinet as he was unpacking something, and putting what appeared to be blackout curtains over the lighter ones that had long since taken place in the room when Jon went to the basement.

Biting hard down on your tongue, it was a tie. You didn’t know what to do, you felt foreign. New to this place despite how many years you spent on and off around. It was easy for them, this was their home, they grew up here. But you? You felt odd just walking around with the freedom to go and so whatever you wanted. You felt like that could be much of your life. Never really living somewhere that you felt was firmly home in there halls. Just a place you were in that time before you moved on.

It had been obvious too how much you had lost when Jon picked you up from Karl Tanner’s place. Jon had what looked like a lot, but really was a normal amount of things to own and you had not much in comparison. Even moreso, the things you did have, so much of them Jon had taken you out to buy himself. He was all over your possessions, and now, your person too. If he didn’t want this, or you for much longer, then you didn’t know how you’d come back from it. How you’d shake off the fact that Jon was imprinted over your life to such a heavy degree.

But, you didn’t have to choose what to tackle first, Robb stepping out into the hall and catching you with your hands fidgeting together at the top of the stairs calling your name. “You alright?” A closed mouth half smile he did not believe coming across you with a nod of yes. Gesturing to Jons room he maintained a low but soothing tone, “We have everything handled up here, you can relax if you want.”

That was the issue. How did you relax anymore? How does one relax in a space you might not belong in, with people who might not want you in some time? Biting down against your tongue you tried to nod, but made no move to go anywhere. It was very clear to Robb how you stood there, looking utterly and completely lost.

The voices travelling catching the others attention, Jon suddenly appearing at the edge of the door. Glancing at Robb and then his eyes flickering into the room, Jon seemed to take whatever this scenario was and move it somewhere else if just for that moment. “Did you eat?” Nodding yes, he muttered “Good.” Turning back to the room to grab something, not the bag he came in with but a smaller paper one you recognized would’ve come from the pharmacy in town as he made his way to you in the hall. “He said you should take this in the morning, but it shouldn’t be too late just for today.”

It only dawned on you by the time he got to your person what he was even referring too. The pills, right. Nodding, you were simply silent as you let him turn you back around and down the stairs as he followed at your heel. Your head stayed down and mind a bit foggy, but Jons eyes pretended not to notice the way he could see his sisters staring at you both with significant glances. Whatever was on their minds, he wanted them to keep it to themselves.

No one luckily was in the kitchen by the time Jon guided you in there. Putting the bag down on the smaller table, Jon told you to give him a moment as he grabbed a glass from the cupboard. Hearing the tap turn on behind you, your fingertips just barley reached the bag from here, toying with the edge to look at them before the glass of water appeared as he sat it on the table in front of you.

Knowing which was which, Jon got everything out for you. Once more picking up on how everyone was treating you with kid gloves suddenly. You didn’t know if that was making you feel more or less pathetic if you were honest. He prompted you to take each one, slowly moving the bottles into a specific spot in a drawer. Mindlessly as the last went down, you picked up one of them. Honestly, you barley registered any of the words on it, but you turned and turned the bottle as if any of it made sense in your mind what this was what your life was now. You always thought when you’d learn you were pregnant, your life would be so different then what it was now, and the mess it turned out to be was a sort of whiplash against your mind versus reality.

Murmuring your name, you looked up to Jon with his hand out, not even needing to ask before you handed it to him. Hiding your own hands back in your sleeves as that insecurity made you feel like you needed to be smaller and more out of the way despite Jon happily standing so close in the rather large kitchen. “I’m sorry.”

Turning back to you, Jons face twisted into confusion. “What are you sorry for?” Saying that it was for last night, Jon stepped up closer. One hand coming up to your waist while his other rose to cup your cheek. “You had nothing to do with what happened last night.” Mentioning to him that you seemed to have something to do with it, Jon exhaled deeply akin to a sigh. His thumb running back and forth against the soft skin he found there. “We were arguing about you, not because of you.”

“Why?”

That time he hesitated, and you didn’t grasp why. Feeling like Jon was silent as he searched in his mind for an answer you’d believe rather then the flat truth. “This all happened quickly, it took us all off guard. He just wanted to make sure everything was alright, and I let it get heated.” Brows furrowing, it was on the tip of your tongue that he didn’t have a reason to get mad at Robb, you cut it off before it could slip from your lips that if anything he should be mad at you. Letting your hands drift up to his chest somewhat, but not stepping all that closer to him. “Darling,”

You shook your head, wanting it to be dropped if only for right now. “Still. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I haven’t exactly been myself today.”

Jon would’ve playfully rolled his eyes if he couldn’t tell how upset you presently were pretending you weren’t. His other hand reaching up to cup your other cheek, he turned you down enough to press a kiss to your forehead before allowing his own to rest there too. Your hands sliding a bit higher more at his collarbones. Rasping down at you, you could feel his warm breath dancing across your skin. “I think you have more then a good enough reason to be.” Both thumbs running across your cheeks, “I want you to take it easy tomorrow.”

Right. He had to go in tomorrow. Of course. Jon had his shifts, everyone was either going to be at work or school tomorrow and you’d be here alone. In a house that wasn’t yours, unsure if it would ever feel like yours before it was too late. “I have work to do-”

Jon pulled back, looking you more in the eye as he let a hand drift back down to your waist, pulling you ever so slightly closer. “I didn’t say don’t do anything, just that I want you to relax while you do them.” Looking you over with a curious yet inquisitive look his eyes narrowed slightly, “Did you even sleep after last night?”

There was no point in lying, you likely looked beyond exhausted. Shaking your head no, you promptly let your hands drop down to his sides a bit more casually. “I think I dozed off a few times at best.” He knew why, you both did. Maybe it was to make things feel less tense, maybe it was because he knew there were ears all around the house now listening in on your conversations, but he chose a different path.

Moving his hand from your cheek to tuck your hair behind your ear, letting his fingers run through the loose locks as they fell downwards on you. “I don’t sleep well without you either.” If only for a moment he got a laugh from you, and he matched yours with his own. For once your mind distracted by the handsome way he looked in such a laugh and his eyes shining so bright as he did so.

It was starting to feel like this was all anyone wanted to talk to you about.

From morning to night, all anyone could do was at some point during a conversation, turn it around and make it about you being pregnant. Even if not spoken directly to you, it was about you. And when it wasn’t talking, everyone was being extra careful around you as if you were going to break. You were a porcelain doll and everything around you was something that could knock you to the ground and smash into pieces with the slightest touch, and so they were all the guards standing around to make sure that didn’t happen.

News had finally begun to spread, despite you not saying a single word about it anywhere online. People you hadn’t heard from in a long time begun reaching out to you as if they really cared, instead of the obligation of sending some a congratulations as if it meant anything. Old classmates, people you only ever knew in passing greetings from when you worked at the office, everyone found their way to you to send you a message to the point you couldn’t been mistaken for it being plastered all over everyone's homepage.

No word from your family. You understood. They either weren’t ready to speak to you, or didn’t want too. If they ever would, you didn’t know. No one in your family or even adjacent to your family reached out. The only ones who did were surprising. About half an hour after Jon left for work, you had only just dozed back off when your phone vibrated against the night side table. A message from your Uncle Axell Florent, your mothers second older brother. Asking if you could call him when you got the chance.

Slipping something warmer on, you quietly crept downstairs in the empty house as everyone else was still asleep, and slid the back door open. Grey Wind promptly woke up at the sound and followed you out, happy to get the fresh air. Closing it behind you did you finally call him, only to immediately get told how happy he was for you. Asking where he even heard the news, he told you that your mother had called him.

He knew they hadn’t said anything, and told you to be patient. If anyone would come around eventually he said, the first one to do so would be Selyse. As rigid as she could seem, she dreaded missing the life of her grandchild because you didn’t fit into her own moral standards. Assuring you that you always had a place to visit in Brightwater Keep you thanked him. A waver on your voice as you said goodbye, hoping he didn’t hear how emotional the weight in your throat felt at someone in your family saying anything, even if it was an Uncle you barley got to see anymore.

The second was unexpected, nor was he technically part of the family, but he was adjacent to it and the only one in his family line to say a word. It had been in the middle of the afternoon, a random message online from someone who posted so little you forgot he even had any account let alone you followed one another. But it was there as strange as it was.

“Congratulations on you and the baby.”

Jaime Lannister was the twin brother of your Uncle Robert’s wife, Cersei. Her eldest child Joffery, pampered and insufferable prick he was, had taken over your job when you left both times. The first was only temporary until your father could find a suitable replacement and now he had this job during the whole of the campaign, being in charge of PR. You hadn’t looked, you had no interest in seeing anything beyond what you did that week alone. He nor his younger siblings, or Cersei or his other uncle Tyrion said anything yet Jaime Lannister sent a single message.

You didn’t bother saying anything back. Knowing his clever but frustratingly annoying attitude, he’d find some way to twist it into a way to bother you as he had many times when you lived in the same area in Kings Landing.

At this point, there seemed to be no need to even say anything online, come the end of the week near everyone in Westeros would know. Not everyone knew with who, not knowing the workings of your love life, but some did and if a message Jon sent you in the middle of the day said anything, he was getting much the same. He didn’t have time normally to type a lot out to you, but he’d send photos that spoke all the same. That day he sent two in a row, both as ridiculous as the other. The first a screenshot of his inbox, tons of people and many with similar starts of a congratulations of some sort.

The next actually managed to get a laugh from you as impossible as that sounded. A small cake on his desk with icing lazily written across the top, “Congrats on getting laid.” At least he was having fun with it, if only at work.

It was hard to find time alone to talk so far. He’d come home late tonight and leave early tomorrow morning so he could make it back in time to ride down. But it meant you two had barley talked about the baby, or what was to come. Or if you two even stood okay at the same spot. Maybe he thought you were, but you didn’t know about him. You still worried that he’d realize he made a mistake by saying he wants this, and find a way to make you leave, or talk you into getting rid of it before it was too late.

By dinner, you pin pointed what the feeling was around the house. You still felt like a guest. The Starks treated you well, but like a guest and not like someone who lived there, like there was only so much you could do to contribute before you as the outsider got in the way. Yet, in a manner you were. Sitting there you looked around as everyone talked, and knew that you weren’t family. You were like family, but not actual family. Being pregnant didn’t make you a member of the family, and you were worse then just on the outside, you were unintentionally helping to rip things apart.

Robb and Jon still barley spoke, eyes meeting the other but little more. They both freely spoke to you, but rarely each other. And when they did, it was a bit stilted. Some eyes noticed more then others, and after the outburst the other night everyone knew you were a sore spot between them for whatever reason. But, Jon did his best to ignore it.

Sitting near one end of the large table next to you, Jon would quietly, sometimes silently direct you to keep eating when you’d get distracted or let your mood weigh down your appetite. When you hadn’t taken much in the first place, once everyone else was distracted and eating, Jon just silently shifted some of his own onto your plate with barley a glance up at you. He knew you understood what he was saying.

Had your mood not felt so all over the place, it might’ve amused you that he was already being a bit what you might playfully describe as bossy. For a brief while, you thought maybe you could push these thoughts away, until at least after the festival. But, that too seemed not in the cards.

Jon had called you in the middle of the morning that day saying that something came up and he needed to stay late, unsure as to how long that would be. Apologizing profusely that he’d make it up to you, you just quietly told him it was alright and to be safe driving home so late whenever that would be. He knew you were trying not to sound sad when you hung up, not disappointed, but a bit lonely almost. You certainly felt that. It felt like the joy you both shared in those moments the other night when he learned the truth would never come back, a fleeting accident never to be replicated between you both again.

Everyone around you was getting ready to go when Robb came home. One of the first things he saw was you alone on the couch waiting to leave with a look more dejected then normal. He knew why and he felt terrible. He hadn’t instigated anything with Jon since the other night for your sake. What happened really upset you to the point his mother had to bring you over to the house. Neither he nor his brother wanted that, but it got out of hand.

And now with all three of you in the house with the rest of his family, he knew he needed to keep that anger in check much better. Robb could get just as angry as Jon, but Robb also knew he had a far better handle on his temper then Jon. His brother could easily be set off by the right person poking very specific spots and Robb was one of the only people who knew what those were and for some reason, he kept choosing to do it until they stood yelling at each other in their own driveway in the middle of the night.

Seeing Theon helping Rickon with his costume he wanted to wear, all his younger siblings dressing up as was tradition, even Sansa out of the corner of his eye had made an elaborate costume despite every year saying she was too old for it anymore. He saw him though stop for a moment, his gaze flickering up to Robb and nodding over to you. He read the message, to handle you.

Robb didn’t know everything that was upsetting you, he knew one thing, but he also knew the other Theon was pointing out, that the fight he and Jon had was still on your mind and you’d blame yourself before you blamed them. Theon could do a lot for you, but he couldn’t fix what was a problem Robb knew he started.

The entire walk over the room to where you were, he ignored Sansa’s pointed stare in his back.

Sitting down next to you, your hands just in our lap toying with your other fingertips, he tried making a joke to ease you into any conversation. “If you wanted to dress up too love, you could’ve just said something.” Barley did it even get half of a smile on one side of your face. Nudging you gently in the arm with his, he tried again, that time his voice a bit softer and quieter. “Do you want to talk about it?” Asking just as quiet and yet not at all convincing, talk about what, Robb was silent until you looked over at him. A raised brow and knowing glance he let his eyes flicker down to your torso in the only relevant spot to even glance at.

Sighing deeply, you dropped his gaze looking down to your fidgeting hands before pulling them more back in your sleeves as if trying to force yourself not to continue. Barley a mumble came out of your mouth, but he heard you anyways. “It’s just a lot to handle on my own.” Robb responding with a confusion that you weren’t alone but you bit at your lip and looked out the window to the side as if to distract yourself for a moment. “I mean you’ve all been generous. More then generous..but it’s not the same for me.”

He knew what you were getting at, and part of him felt bad, but he needed to simply comfort you in the moment rather then overstep what he knew he couldn’t. “Didn’t you say your uncle called you?” Nodding, he tried leaning more forward to catch some of your gaze again. “And what did he say?”

Your eyes narrowing in thought, as if trying to recall the exact words as you spoke them aloud slowly. “That my mother told him, so he thinks at least she will come around eventually.” Noting that didn’t sound too bad, you only shrugged. He knew it bothered you. Normally not being so close to your family had fallen to the wayside of things you deeply cared about, but now you had switched gears. Seeing the Starks come together so easily and willingly because one half of the party involved was Jon, and how nothing even close to the same would ever be for you.

Even in their main house, he knew you felt lonely and the worries about Jon weren’t helping. That Robb did wish to handle, but his father had warned him to back off. A more stern talk the night before, after dinner where he said that this was something only you and Jon could figure and Robb couldn’t intervene in that way. Robb wanted to support Jon, he was his brother. The same age, grew up their entire lives together and it was awful being at odds for months.

But as stubborn as Jon was, so was Robb, and their father knew it.

Letting a hand run along your back to smooth up and down your upper arm, he pulled you into his side just the slightest. “Come out with all of us tonight, try to have fun, and we’ll start fresh tomorrow. I promise.”

You didn’t nod, but he didn’t expect you too. He knew you were thinking on if you even could start fresh in this same situation, but he didn’t get the chance as everyone begun moving out. Theon making his way now over, “You’re riding with us, Baratheon.”

Gesturing between himself and Robb, you looked more wide eyed and he hated that he had to do this for the plan to work. Let you just be sad with little comfort. But it needed to be done just this once. Moving you close to the front door, he let both hands run along your upper arms as he guided you out onto the porch. “Have fun one night, and you’ll feel better.”

The ride over was quiet. Theon and Robb both offering you the front seat, but you only politely shook your head no. You were fine in the backseat at that point. Letting the two of them enjoy up front, their music more quietly playing. Every now and again either of them would try throwing the conversation back to you, but with small words you barley contributed. Wishing you didn’t let them talk you into coming, you felt now as if you’d just drag them down.

It was childish, but you felt even more lonely knowing Jon wasn’t there. You felt like you were walking on eggshells around him now, but you had gotten so used to him being there that it felt odd to be so distant from him. It felt like the sort of event you would’ve loved to go with him to now that you were together, even with his family around. But you couldn’t blame him for needing to stay late, it was your fault for being upset about it in the first place.

You weren’t even aware of how much time had passed. The sky turning from a fading blue to an orange as the sun properly set beyond the skyline, and the clouds casted in shades of purple in their final moments of brightness before the evening turned more to a look of night. The Festival looked very active as you drove up. Knowing likely where they were to meet up by the entrance, you assumed it didn’t matter where Robb parked.

Arms crossing over your front as you walked, Robb and Theon glanced up to where you could see the rest of the family first. Sansa coming down the stairs handing tickets over to the two of them first, you jokingly could only ask, “Change your minds on bringing me?” But Sansa only glanced over all of your shoulders with something more bright in her eyes and a held back smirk. “Oh I don’t have your tickets, he does.”

Your brows narrowed in confusion, when no one else’s did until you turned around. The first sight would’ve been something, but you had three reactions in a row, all different then each other. Something wide and bright eyed as you saw, standing at his car with his arm perched on the door as if he just stepped out was Jon, a smile so handsome on his face.

The second was confusion, dressed in something matching Sansa’s costume was Margaery looking as so proud for pulling whatever stunt this was on you, but you didn’t seem to grasp why she was here or why this was left as a suprise until she spoke. “Oh I’m not the surprise, this one is.” You hadn’t seen from where you were her on the other side of Jons car and in the dark night and parking lot you couldn’t see inside with the lights off.

Opening the door she let the third party out, but your reaction finally turned to something both ecstatic yet so relieved you felt your face warm in a manner that hinted at how you could cry. Calling your name first, you could barley get her name out before she ran to you. “Shireen?”

Coming quickly to your senses, you ran forward and knelt down enough that you met her in the middle. Your baby sister flying right into you with a hug, and both holding you far tighter then any hug before for some time. Running a hand along her hair as you broke out into a smile pulling back, keeping her arms in your grip to look her over. “I didn’t think mother or father would’ve allowed you to come.”

The mischievous grin in her eyes thus matched the one sat in both Jons and Margaery’s and only at that moment did you put together this was a plan everyone else was in on. Turning halfway around to see Robb, Theon, and Sansa all watching with an amusement that it worked before turning back to Shireen.

You could tell Margaery did the makeup to suit her face perfectly. The left side of her face covered in greyscale from when she was still a baby, it was obvious Margaery carefully painted around the edges with colours to let it blend in. The unmarked side of her face decorated with a skeletal appearance much like depictions of the stranger without being overbearing. Her dress a long black gown and hood with a deep blue sewn into the insides to keep her warm. There a silver along the dress that was too matching like a skeleton to match that only showed in direct light properly to glow.

Margaery circled around with a bright smile on her face. “Well, Jon could tell it was bothering you that your family wasn’t reaching out to you, so he thought maybe we could get just one to come see you.” Standing up, you kept your hands around Shireen pulling her back into you like a hug. Glancing to Jon he just nodded slightly to the side indicating she could explain. “He reached out to me asking if there was a way to get Shireen to meet you here, and we made a plan. Loras and I talked to Renly, who managed to convince Stannis and Selyse that we were taking her to a smaller ceremony near Highgarden for the festival. When really, Renly dropped us off so Jon could come get us and suprise you together.”

Your eyes bright looking to Jon, the feeling of Shireen holding at your arm almost like a hug of her own back. “I had to get her number from Sansa,” Jon looking over to Sansa whom Margaery was walking over to. Before gesturing over to Robb and Theon, “And got them to make sure to bring you no matter what so you could be surprised.”

Robb walking over, he ran a hand along your arm with a softer tone but an amusement shining bright in his eyes. “Jon will drive you home, have fun.” Shireen, completely oblivious to anything else like tension, turned up to wave at him, Robb giving a bright one back and a smile coming over her at finally meeting people she’d heard of for so many years.

Margaery and Sansa linked arms, bright smiles looking at you with knowing as the former explained, “I have to get her back to the hotel by midnight, so no getting into trouble we would’ve at her age.” Your face fell a bit flat looking at her as Sansa too waved at Shireen back, a high pitched tone in a very kind manner saying she was happy to finally meet her.

The three of you alone, Jon more slowly walked up to you. Something hopeful in his eyes you knew matched the way you must have felt inside. Instead looking down at Shireen, you jested “Did he talk you into this?”

Jons eyes narrowed playfully, but Shireen grinned, “What if I talked him into it?” Muttering as you playfully gave her a small shake pulling a giggle from her as you told her that she was always the one getting into trouble between you both. Knowing how untrue that possibly could be. Before suddenly turning in your grasp to gesture back to Jon once more, “I told Margaery he needs a costume but he said no. Why don’t you have one either?”

A small smile, you were more honest about it then you think Jon expected. “Haven’t been quite feeling up to it recently.” A frown forming over her face that from the corner of your eye, could see Jon trying not to smirk at how similar to you it looked. Leaning down more to her level your expression purposely brightened for her sake. “But, you’re here now. So how about when we get in, you can look for something small I can wear.”

Shireen was a girl who was not to be trifled with when she wanted something, with an excitement in her eyes she turned to Jon, “Only if I can pick something for you too.” Jon without hesitating, told her it was a deal and the smile on her face grew somehow more as she turned back to you before the thought hit her. “Is what mother said true?”

Resisting the urge to look up at Jon, you remained stoic in your expression. “What did she say?”

You already knew, the hint told to you by your uncle means it could’ve easily passed through Shireens ears, but you let her tell the story as she saw fit. But the way her eyes dropped down to her feet for a moment said it all for you, pushing away the grin wanting to form as what she said matched your suspicions. “I overheard her. She was on the phone with Ser Axell, and she was upset with you..that you were pregnant. She doesn’t know I heard her, I can keep it a secret I promise. I just want to know if I’m going to be an aunt soon.”

Inhaling deeply, your eyes that time did flicker up to Jon. Knowing he should have a say as well but he simply nodded at you in encouragement. “We’ve only just found out, but yes.” You were nearly slammed into the ground with another hug as she begun to ramble. A boy or girl, how she’d get to see them, before deciding she also needed to find something today as a present to give to them when they’re born as you laughed more freely then you had in days. “Alright, but we have to get inside for that. Are you ready?”

Before she even nodded, Shireen looked over to Jon properly. “You’re coming with us right?”

His gaze remained neutral, while his eyes spoke a doubt. He had done this for you, and you didn’t want to make him leave just because you were insecure. Luckily, whatever your face conveyed behind Shireen was enough to convince her. “Of course. How are you going to buy me something to wear if I’m not there?”

Turning to move towards the main entrance, you pushed up to your full height as Jon approached you for a quiet moment. Opening then closing your mouth, words wanted to come out but it was difficult. So much you could say but it still was so muddled and confusing. Nodding his head a little, Jon too moved his arm to your lower back guiding you up the path. “Can’t keep her waiting.”

Everything was certainly decorated accordingly. Much more festive then any you had attended before. Lights all around set up to glow purples, orange, red, dark blending colours giving everything a spooky sort of energy and many statues and figures and displays set up to look much like images of the Stranger and displays of modestly grotesque sights meant to mimic things the Stranger might see in their time. All done not to be scary necessarily, but meant to amuse as it was to put a small fear in children no doubt.

The first area was set up like a small village. In the daylight you imagined this place was once the courtyard of a castle, now designed instead for such festivities to be decorated. Many places were naturally food, candy, all the sorts. Some local and some much more chosen to appeal to the children about. You could easily imagine the moment Rickon stepped in here, Catelyn would’ve had to prevent him from eating himself sick right away.

Speakers were hidden carefully in trees and foliage to keep the illusions. In some places more dark and eerie music played while in others sound effects like thunder were meant to bring an aura of danger no doubt. Shireens eyes were wide with so much to look at. Actors dressed up all around were placed and wandering to scare passerby’s and speak to them in character of whomever they portrayed. Only moments after going inside, did you and Jon have a stand off.

There was a booth, little necklaces with a light up cartoonish ghost attached to it that indicated to the actors not to scare you. You had thought he stopped to ask Shireen, but she turned to stand beside Jon on a dime, both of them looking at you expectantly. “I’m barley a month in.”

Jons arms crossed over his chest as Shireen followed his move. He though was much more convincing when his voice ran deep with more of an authority then Shireens would have. “I don’t know how much they’re going to try, and in this condition-”

“Jon, it has a name.”

Barrelling over your words he continued, “I want to make sure you’re alright. There’s enough going on around us.” Asking if Shireen needed one if you were to, he looked down at her with a grin before back to you. “She’s dressed up scarier then some of the actors. They should be the ones staying far away from her.” Were you not trying to fight against Jon coddling you, you might have melted at the way Shireen instantly had taken to him.

When it was Karl or Ramsay, you never liked the idea of her being around them. Not knowing what they’d be like with kids let alone a sweet and sensitive one like your baby sister. But Jon? He helped raise four younger siblings, he knew what he was doing and children always loved him. Gravitating like he was their big brother and she was no different, neither of you ever having a brother after all.

Jon let Shireen pick the right necklace, so he could carefully pull it over your head to drape along your front. His eyes even in the more dark light looked soft. His hands falling to his sides but for just the briefest of seconds you watched as he ran two knuckles ever so gently along your stomach before wrapping an arm around your waist to guide you further into the festival.

Shireen almost always was a few feet in front of you both, taking in everything. She was sheltered on Dragonstone, and even there you knew your mother and father kept her inside. Not wishing the greyscale to worry others, how rare it was even now to find a cure for it it scared people. Margaery did a wonderful job with her costume makeup, you’d have to remember to thank her. It wasn’t often Shireen could run around somewhere with her greyscale and feel totally at ease no one was staring at her face.

There were two paths, one down what looked like a large jack-o-lantern with mini ones stringed as lights above it in a different area, and the other over a bridge that stood above a man made lake that had lights glowing down on it to make thew waters shimmer red like blood. Further along the bridge was a castle entrance into a more eeiry section, whereas the other looked like it had more food and games.

Instead of you choosing, you stopped to look at Shireen. “You’re the special guest here, which way should we go first?”

She did not hesitate to choose the scarier option. “I don’t want Jon to have to carry our prizes all night long.” Jon only asking amused how much was he going to carry and she shrugged. “It depends on how good you are.” Only grinning he agreed to it, but with the notion that if he won you both a prize of your choosing, she needed to pick a game to play and win a prize for him. Jons own face turning jestingly serious as hers was genuinely with her hand out making a deal.

Thus far, no one had managed to scare her. She was vigilant even though she was so unused to being in a heavy crowd at night but each time an actor approached she would try to scare them first. Pulling her hood up to hide her hair look more unsettling. Some attempts got a smile, others played into it by trying to scare her back and letting her win. One woman dressed in what you could only guess was supposed to be a kind of witch commenting by putting her hand over her heart, “I’ll have to tell the others to be on the look out for you, I’ll see you in my nightmares tonight, kid.”

Her face always beaming after. She never had so much attention, but each new thing she discovered she always would turn to include you and Jon. You took a step back sometimes, letting them bond as they got along so well. The way he interacted with her reminding you of the way Jon used to interact with Arya when she was that age, but a bit softer and sweeter and less teasing and bantering then he normally was. Shireen could handle some, but she wasn’t quite where you or his own siblings were at and he was happy it seemed to dial it down and be sweet on her.

Part of you hesitated to join them as much. They enjoyed their time together, Shireen always wanting something of a big brother and if only one thing good came out of what happened, it would be they got to meet and you desperately hoped your mother would come around if not for you, then to at least let Shireen visit more. But, you trailed back sometimes. That feeling once more of getting in the way, of intruding on a moment you had nothing to do with.

If you were close too, Jon could see the way you watched him with Shireen and worry that was putting more hope in your head for him wanting to keep the baby. That he’d see your wishful thinking and change his mind faster then you were scared he would.

The haunted houses were easier to start with. There were a few that you all decided to make your way around too, the third of which thus far walking up to it in the queue seemed the most dark and scary. Each seemed to have a specific theme, this one however you couldn’t quite pin down which might have been the point. The darkness and unknown scarier then knowing what to expect. You kept Shireen in front of you, her back up against your front as you kept your hands by her arms to guide her, especially in the dark.

The greyscale had left her eyesight in her left eye more faded then most people. Maester Cressen estimated that she had about fifty percent of normal vision in bright lights, but it would to her, appear like twenty in that eye in the dark so she had a little more trouble navigating. Jon was right beside you, if a little behind as if to keep your own back safe as you did hers. Actors popping out with a growl or yell, and Shireen would break. Shriek as she’d jump back into you, normally a light laugh on you as you assured her they wouldn’t hurt her.

The actors were good though, noting your necklace and would crouch or bend down more to specifically scare her as opposed to you all as a group. At one point you felt her reaching to find your hand, you gripping hers firmly and kept her close to your front. You’d have to gauge when you left how she was feeling, knowing how not used to horror she was.

Jon didn’t say a word, but kept at least one hand at your waist at all times. Strong and steady against you even when sometimes you’d get startled by the actors by way of them jumping out regardless of if they yelled or not. Your first question was answered as you all stepped out onto the wooden steps leading back to the pathways, as she skipped down them and turned with a jump. Her voice a high pitched near shout of excitement, “Mother never would have let me go in there, it was so much fun,”

Your eyes glanced up, noting you could see some of the other Starks in the distance. Ned and Catelyn clearly getting the youngest three in line for a ride, Catelyn a dismayed smile on her face at her children’s relentless begging to go on more and more rides. Never having gone on one before, you knew they didn’t appeal to Shireen as much as the rest of the festival, but you asked anyways gesturing over. “Do you want to join Jons brothers and sister on there?”

Her neck had to stretch up to see the roller coaster which winded itself above you, a net hanging high no doubt to catch anything which came up from someone before looking back at you and Jon with wide eyes shaking her head no. Jon laughed freely, guiding you down to her level muttering your name, “She never quite liked them either.” Turning to move along the path once more Shireen asked if he did. “When I was your age, not so much now.” Asking why he explained more as she made her way to walk beside him listening diligently. “I work at the Wall, sometimes going North. There aren’t any formal roads out there so any drive out you feel every and all dips in the land. If you get car sick it wouldn’t be a place for you. And some of the places I go are high up in mountains or near caverns or caves. I get enough adventure there.”

Tilting her head in wonder, “Isn’t that all dangerous?” Jon only explaining to her that it could be, if you didn’t know the land. Which was why when he was new, he listened to everything the free folk told him but now he knows where to walk and where not to walk as well as they do. So he keeps safe as he can, that and adding his Uncle Benjen had been his stations First Ranger for over a decade now, so with him by his side he was as safe as he could get. “I used to hear stories that they are all savages who kidnap women in the middle of the night.”

Jon only laughed. “They’re a little rougher then you or I, but they’re really no different from us. Just a different kind of life is all. Besides, they haven’t done things like that in hundreds of years.” Muttering that it still didn’t seem like a place she’d want to visit, he ran a hand along her hair before pulling her hood up almost playfully. “Shame, that’s where I wanted to take you next time.” Nudging his hand away telling him not to tease her, Jon said your name. “Ask her, she gets teased all the time.”

Her looking past Jon to see you nod, her face twisting as she looked back up at him. “I’ll have to watch you from now on.”

By the time you all stopped to get something to eat, you came across a little diner looking building. Cleverly all the workers inside were dressed in tattered uniforms and makeup done to look like the undead, trapped in their jobs long after passing as if the Stranger had never come for them. Jon playfully pushing Shireen a little further in, “How about you find us somewhere to sit?”

Your eyes were trained on the small menu by the time he turned back to you. His voice rasping a little lower as his hand found your lower back stepping to your side, murmuring your name. “Are you alright?” Blinking heavily you looked from the menu to him, such an alluringly soft look in his eyes that you could be charmed into watching forever, instead looking back to the menu and nodding. Muttering you were just figuring out what Shireen should have, “Darling, you know thats not what I’m asking.”

But something more nervous filled you, a weight in your stomach worried once more of when you’d never hear that term coming from him towards you again. Would he ever call another woman that when you were gone? A term for you alone, or was it only because you were there at that moment. “I’m fine.” Pushing it all back and partially this conversation, you didn’t want Shireen to pick up on anything and make her worry. “Really, Jon.”

You both knew he didn’t believe you, but for now he let it go.

Eventually she found something for you both to wear. Nothing quite like hers was suitable in her eyes, so she decided to go with a pair of demon horns. Jons a bit longer and more menacing, yours short and a bit more what she called cute. Nothing big or obnoxious, but you both happily let her put them on your heads, satisfied she had made you both finally look like you belonged.

By the time you circled around to the games, it was more obvious to Jon that you really weren’t alright. The night ticking closer to when you would have to drive her and Margaery back to their hotel and not know when you’d see Shireen again on your mind. And that you’d be left alone with Jon, too not knowing where you stood with him. But, you let them enjoy the night as much as part of you truly did feel a warmth in your heart watching how much they got along.

You let Shireen pick what prize she thought you should win, but she had a bright idea. If Jon would win two of the same prize, she’d win the third for him and a fourth for the baby, and you’d all have something matching. Smaller plush toys were chosen on. A skeleton plush with a more demonic looking tail and scythe seemed to match her costume and the horns she picked for you both. Shireen cheered for how easily Jon won, not that you were surprised he was good at anything to do with aim. According to Karsi he was better then most marksmen she’d seen shoot an arrow for twenty years straight.

By the time it was Shireen’s turn, Jon stayed by her side to guide her through. The eyesight too effecting her ability to aim, and Jon would gently move her hands and arms into the right spot when she was off. You eyes wandering a bit until landing on Margaery, hovering nearby watching.

You didn’t say anything as you left, not wanting to disturb them. The word rather elongated a she begun, “So, how is it all going?”

Looking back, a softer glaze in your eyes came over for a moment. “Well enough, they get along great.” Only for her to ask specifically what about you, and then your name in warning when you didn’t respond. Looking back your brows furrowed a bit as your expression finally allowed itself to twist into something subtlety upset. “As long as they have a good night, it’s fine.”

Your name coming from her, Margaery brushed the hair in front of you gently back of your shoulder, “This night is about you too. You’re the pregnant one, you need to be enjoying yourself as well.” Her eyes flickered behind you, suspecting Jon had finally noticed you weren’t there. Not that you had seen, but she did. The brief panic in his eyes thinking you’d wandered off too far and he lost where you were, only to settle just the slightest as he spotted you with Margaery.

“I appreciate you helping to do this, really I do. But one good night won’t fix anything if he decides this isn’t what he wants.” Your name coming more softly from her mouth made you feel worse, the sting behind your eyes suddenly forming along with a block in your throat. Your arms crossed over your front, “He doesn’t want this, Margaery.” Asking gentle like you were the child how you knew that, but your answer was a bit stammering. “I just do. He’s not happy when he’s with me now. He was the night when he found out, but I think he regrets it..I think he realized what he got himself into and made a mistake but now everyone knows and it’s too late to take it back.”

Assuring you he didn’t think that you crossed your arms over your front as it to protect yourself or curl in on yourself. Her hands by your arms she spoke softly and as comfortingly as she could, at least sensing her honesty in the gesture. “You weren’t there, you didn’t hear him on the phone trying to set this up. How desperate he was to give you something that would cheer you up. That man adores you, and he’ll adore your baby together. Just give him a chance to prove it and you’ll see.”

Glancing back finally, you could see an excited Shireen that she finally won and that unfairly handsome grin on his face. Turning back you nodded, no words to say you’d try but she understood. “Do you need to get back to-”

Cutting you off she linked her arm with yours to turn you around and walk back towards Jon and Shireen. “She headed back to find her father, ready to go home when they were. Besides, it’s getting close to when we should probably leave. I have to get her makeup off when we get to the hotel otherwise your mother will wonder exactly what kind of ceremony we went too when she face times.”

Shaking your head at how watchful over Shireen was, how you never got that kind of protectiveness from them, and a weight in your gut that now you never would.

Margaery at least took the reins on starting the conversation as you both walked back over. Looking to Shireen with a bright expression, she let go of your arm to lean down to her level, “Did you win this for me?” Shireen’s face only twisting as she pulled it closer with furrowed brow as Margaery laughed instantly. Running her hand over her hair a little, “Well what am I supposed to remember tonight with?”

Quick on the draw, and perhaps even sensing the teasing game being played Shireen said flatly with an equally as flat expression, “The pleasure of my company.”

You could only turn away with a grin. Looking around the night with people scattered about everywhere, you felt a warmth envelop your side as Jon rested a hand more along your lower back again. Facing you more and himself away from the other two as is rasp was quiet, “Enough fun for one day?” A tiny breath of a laugh came out and a hinting smile to join, pulling what brightness in his eyes Jon could get from your reaction with a tilting nod to the side in agreement. Running his hand more up and down your back he kept your eyes just a beat longer then normal as if not wishing to break away yet before turning you both back to the others.

Shireen seemed to have picked up the winding down mood, asking if it was time to go. You nodded, not even yet allowing her face to fall in a disappointment as you shifted from Jon to pull her more in front of you. Much like how you guided her through each haunted house earlier, but this time you felt her relax more into your touch as she held three of the plushes, yours, hers, and what you presumed was the matching one for a gift for the baby. With Shireen here you dared not let your brain tread back into only moments ago as you ran a hand along her arm. “I’m still coming with you on the drive to the hotel, you have a little bit longer with me.”

A sad nod, you felt guilt at having to end the night but perhaps a tad relieved that she too felt the same dejection at ending the night not knowing when the next would even be. The four of you slowly begun to make your ways to the main entrance out into the dark parking lot, a small part of you wondering if Margaery was feeling awkward. Between yourself and Shireen, and yourself and Jon, there was a comfort in a natural silence no one felt the need to fill with talking that Margaery was not used too. Were your mood not in such an odd place, it might have been ever so slightly amusing.

A cute little instinct in Jon caught your attention for a moment though, the way he found it so instinctive to open and close the car door for you, and yet how he instantly did so for Shireen right away without a second thought. Watching just a little longer as you held your side open still, just as he met your eyes with a softness in the greys you let your gaze quickly flicker away as to not draw attention, when you both knew it was too late for Jon to not catch you staring.

The ride was just as quiet over, nothing more then the light music playing just quiet enough in the background. You sat in the back with Shireen, only quiet whispers shared between you both, asking if she had a good night and her affirming it was her favourite in a long time. Her hands never not clutching the plush toy, you were happy that she would have something physical to remind her of the night even if you couldn’t talk even over the phone for a while. That part of her and you would still be there for the other now that you had put yourself in such a precarious position.

“That Tyrell money knows no end to luxury doesn’t it?”

Looking back at you with a playful squint in her face at your jest, she was no doubt used to the comments. Her family played second only to the Lannisters in terms of sheer wealth, but the Tyrells were always smarter in how they spent it rather then flashy. Clearly though, for Shireens benefit, she had put a little more towards this hotel then you expected when you drove up.

Coming over to you, neither hesitated in a hug. Her whispering in your ear for only you to hear, “Remember what I said, give him a chance.” You said nothing, not that she expected you too. Swallowing roughly as she pulled away, you bit down then on your tongue to calm your expression from twisting too much. Only looking between you, Shireen and Jon hovering by his open car door, she nodded at him and he back before looking to Shireen. “I’ll be right by the elevator waiting for you.”

Not closing the door, but pushing off the car and walking over, Jon crouched down to Shireens height, the brightness in his wide eyes and smile almost was infectious to her. “I’m glad I finally got to meet you, Shireen. Despite everything, it’s better now then never.”

Nodding, she held more of a stern tone which was only overpowered by the degree of cute it was coming from such a small, innocent, and sweet girl. “If I’m an aunt, that makes you by law, my brother. So this isn’t allowed to be the last.” Jon muttering that he knows she’s never had a brother before and only adding he was happy to be hers. Only for a second did she hesitate, and almost as if knowing what was going to happen, Jon had braced himself for Shireen lunging herself forward into a hug. Holding her gently as she held him more tightly, a smile on his face the whole time with a chuckle.

Running a hand down her hair in a smoothing gesture, “Next time, I’ll find a way to bring you up to Winterfell. See if we can’t get you a sleepover with your big sister instead of just Margaery.” She giggled in response. Pulling back, he pulled her by the back of her head close, giving a gentle kiss to her forehead.

Shireen and you only watched for a moment as he left to get in the car to give you both privacy. He wouldn’t have any reason to know what he did, how he didn’t hesitate or likely even think about leaving it on the part of her forehead untouched by greyscale. But he didn’t, a forehead kiss half and half down the middle as if it was normal for anyone outside of her family to want to even entertain touching it. Margaery was an exception, she knew her well through Renly, but Jon was a near stranger to her until tonight.

Kneeling down to her level, you didn’t need to say anything. Green eyes against green, Shireen moreso fell into your front in a hug. Her arms desperate to not let go as you didn’t hesitate to hold her tightly back. Muffled against your clothes where her head was hidden, “When am I going to see you again?”

You’d like to comfort her, but she deserved better then that. “I don’t know, sweet girl. But Jons right, we’ll find a way to do this again before too long.” Asking in a quiet voice if it was going to be before the baby came, you both knew she felt the hesitation. “I can’t promise that. But, I have another idea.” Pulling back you held her by her upper arms to keep her close, your eyes bright with something flooded with an emotion ready to pour out but kept it together for hers much closer to crying now that you really had to leave. “We don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, so how about you start making a list of names you like. You can give them to Margaery to pass to Jon and I, and when we meet again, we’ll see how close you got.”

Nodding, you let your hand run over her cheek with your thumb, catching the tear that escaped. You of course, were the only one outside of your mother and father, or the family Maester to not hesitate touching her skin so freely on the greyscale for a long time. You always had, since the day you could hold her as a baby again when she was cured, you never wanted her to think you’d let her mark make her feel any different to you.

You didn’t expect her to say anything. She was young and upset and conflicted and likely still a bit confused as to why it was the way it was now. Words not easily coming to the vivacious reader when she felt too much in her heart. Just sending her on her away, only a nod when she at the door, turned half around to look at you before going inside.

Jon respected your privacy still, giving you the time to get up and into the car at your own speed, finally sitting in the passenger seat in the front. The music still playing lightly but he clearly had switched it to something softer and more instrumental. The gentle concern in his eyes, as he leaned over. First just pulling the headband off and sitting it in the back with his and the necklace you had let them twist your arm into wearing. Not moving away but letting his hand trail along your cheek, thumb running over the soft skin much more intimately then you had Shireens moments ago. “There’s something we should talk about before we go home. Nothing like that.” Jumping in to speak again the moment your eyes went wide, realizing no doubt how quickly you had taken those words, and watching your shoulders deflate and your eyes soften as the reassured you. Asking what about, Jon just leaned over more to pull at your seat belt, muttering that he’d rather not talk about this in a hotel parking lot you could only laugh at how he just did it for you.

If you had only one ease for your mind it was that the silence was far less awkward then you feared as he drove. Not going along the main roads like normal, but side streets along the riverside as it led through the Twins and into the much more forested lush of the North before Jon found a place to stop.

Stepping out, you turned to him with a light laugh. “Do you just know every single small park from here to the Wall?” Shrugging with a held back grin, Jon pulled you firmly into his side as he walked you through the empty small park to a circular table bench under a lovely looking awning. Your eyes barley noticed the bag in his hand, but couldn’t come up with anything it could be.

Sitting you up against the tables edge, Jon only parted your legs enough to stand between them in front of you. One hand on your hip, but his other ran along your neck and cupped your cheek and jaw more to get you to look at him. “I know it’s not the same for you.” Your brows furrowed in a silent look of question. “Having all of my family around for this, and none of yours. Everyone loves you, but I get it. They’ve just left you alone, to deal with this like they have better things to do then take care of the daughter thats carrying their future grandchild.” Swallowing roughly, that weight didn’t go away and Jons eyes softened as if he knew. “I don’t know when they’ll come around, but I’ll find a way to make sure I can get Shireen to come see you more.”

“Thank you.” Your eyes dropped, but he leaned forward more without turning you to look back up properly. “For tonight, it meant more then I know how to say. At least getting to spend one evening with her.” A tender rasp barley a whisper as Jon muttered that he doesn’t need a thank you.

His warm breath dancing across your skin. “I just want to see you happy.” Trying to argue that you were, Jon knew better. Pulling back more to get you to look back up at him, his face more turned into something knowing but heartbroken. “I know you aren’t, you’ve spent the last two days scared and confused and worrying yourself sick that I changed my mind about wanting this with you.”

Your eyes turned wide, knowing you couldn’t lie your way out of this, you tried to stammer, “When did Margaery-”

Cupping both your cheeks, Jon forced you to look up at him closing the gap between you once more without kissing you. “She didn’t tell me anything. I just know you, darling. And I know you’re wrong.” Nodding, he pulled you into his front. Your arms wrapping around his shoulders, his face tucking itself into your hair before pressing a kiss right under your ear. “I want this with you now, I will tomorrow, and every single day for the rest of our lives I want this with you.” Leaning back only enough he cupped your cheeks again, letting his nose trail down yours, a gentle nudge as it nuzzling you sweetly. Your hands coming down more to his sides, “I love you, both of you. You know that.”

He didn’t even bother letting you respond. Your heart heavy and yet light in your chest at how honest his words spoke and how deeply you felt his heart break at the worry you even thought any of it. Not even getting passed the first few sounds of trying to tell him you loved him back did Jon close the gap. Leaning down to press his lips to yours.

Deepening it right away, his soft lips guided yours. Not giving you any room to even consider controlling it let alone pulling away, your hands rose up to wind around the back of his neck, trying to press more to his front. Running his lips over yours over and over again, demanding you give him your every breath and sound of need as in return his kiss gifted you the promise he meant all of it and more.

Feeling his tongue brush against your bottom lip, he was taking the gentle route tonight. Your lips parting, and instantly did Jon let his tongue slide inside your mouth. Brushing only teasingly against yours, coaxing you to try and follow before he’d nearly stop the kiss and return to repeat the process. One hand on your cheek leaving to run around, his hand raking through strands of your hair before grasping a larger chunk of it, pressing you closer to his lips as yours found their way into his dark curls right back.

Once, twice, three more times did Jon fail to pull away, still pressing a feather light peck to your lips before he felt his leave yours completely. The hand in your hair relaxing and returning to raking through the strands over and over. Your eyes flickered to the side and back with a curious smile, “Whats in the bag?”

Jons grin grew though, which only peaked your curiosity more. “Proof how much I want this.”

Once upon a time Jon assumed he’d have to explain to you what the plush was, so many months or years after he knew you saw it in the shop window. Not weeks, not so few it could count as days. The second he pulled it out, your eyes went wide. A weight in your chest making you feel lightheaded but in a fashion that brought not wooziness but emotion, he gently transferred it to your hold. Turning it slowly without ever taking your eyes of it’s well made design and soft fur. Jon muttering quietly “It’s the one you-”

“Saw in the shop window. When did you buy this?” Whatever response he seemed to expect was not what you gave. A watery laugh with tears forming at the answer of the very next morning. A tale of hiding it at work and thats where he went in the middle of the night, to get it for you.

“I was going to give it you sooner, but after what happened with Robb..I didn’t want to look like I was pushing you for this. I wanted this, I really wanted it, but I was going to wait as long as it took for you to be ready. I promise.”

What could you say? A promise of the only thing you were truly scared of between you was not true. Keeping it in your lap, your hands slowly moved. Cupping his cheeks, your thumbs running over his coarse facial hair before slipping behind the back of his neck. Jon needed no more hints, pulling you with one hand back in your hair and the other wrapping around your back to pull you closer he took over and pressed his lips to yours.

In truth, it wasn’t the only thing Jon was going to give you that night. But he didn’t have it in him to break the peace, the gentle kiss he so desperately needed. There was plenty of time for the ring in his pocket, he could ask you any time. For now though, you both were content in the others kiss. No matter how much Jon yearned to marry you here and now, he’d have to restrain himself.

He wanted to take his time, but the wolf inside of him was always another much darker and needier story.

[chrispleasure]

DONT CRY, c.s

summary!: you and chris get into a heated argument which lasts a while, without a doubt ends with you having a breakdown and receiving comfort.

not proof read! first time publishing on here!

“seriously— you never fucking do anything but sit on your round ass all day!” he complains, slamming his fist against the table.

the two of you have been firing insults at eachother all day, trying to break eachother. “your a little slut wearing that top with no bra.” he raises his voice.

it hurt you seeing him pick away at your appearance, which was once his favourite part of you. “oh my god, please be quiet for once so i can finish working.” she snaps, standing up and going to his desk which is places across the room from hers.

he looks up at her with an expression on his face, a look expressing ‘get the fuck out of my face before i slap you’, but you didn’t understand.

you wanted to scream at him, tell him to keep those hurtful thoughts to himself but you knew he wouldnt listen. “look at those thunder thighs, ma. i thought you were workin’ out.” he points out, leaning back in his chair.

he crosses his arms, a sly smirk on his lips. every word he said made you want to cry, but that wouldnt help. it would make it laugh at you, again, not taking you seriously.

‘deep breaths’ you thought to yourself, stepping back. “how about you do something productive instead of watching porn?” you go and sit down at your desk, but he grips your wrist.

“wha’d you say, slut?” he mutters the last part of his sentence. “i said you should do something productive instead of watching porn!” you raised your voice, wanting to finish your work.

he didnt watch porn, he only wanted to watch her. it hurt him to hear that you thought that. he lets out a short breath. “go.”chris points to the door, licking his lips. “you obviously need a little break from me. when you get back ill be better, i promise.” he mutters, moving his chair back.

part of you wanted to protest, say no. but you couldnt deny you wanted him to treat you better, stop with this SHITTY attitude he was giving you.

back when the two of you first started dating he was sweet, offering hugs and sweet gestures every moment he got.

now they always argued over the smallest things, who could shower first, who does the most work.. mostly competive shit.

you step out of the door, closing it behind you like he asked. you forgot your card and keys so you had no money or car. so you decided to sit on the front porch until you thought he would be ready to apologise.

after a few hours, you gave up waiting. standing up and turning the door knob. “m’ back, you little goof ball.” you tease a little, expecting him to latch onto you, but no. he must still be in his room.

you want to try be a good girlfriend so he’s happy, so you decide to make some coffee. as you pour his steaming hot coffee into his favourite mug, arms snake around your waist from behind. “being helpful i see?” he smiles tiredly, has he finally given up?

a small nod and a chuckle escapes your body, making him go upstairs to wait for you. you carry his coffee upstairs, placing it on his desk beside his computer.

“smells shit.” he mumbles, playing whatever game he found entertaining in that moment. you sighed, watching as he took a sip. he immediately acted repulsed, placing the cup down.

he shakes his head. “never again.” he complains, you wanted to be upset, but thats too dramatic. this waa your last straw before breaking down. you decide to go change and try get ready and go out, your last hope. as you turn around, your arm accidentally hits his cup of coffee, pouring it all over his jeans.

“ow- fuck!” he screams, his impulsive response is to slap your arm, which he did way to hard. “hot, hot!” he hisses, standing up quickly, looking down at the mess.

“look at the fucking mess you made-” he complains, unbuttoning his jeans. you were disappointed, today was going so bad for you. why cant things go differently?

you walk to the dresser, grab some clothes and hurry to the bathroom to change. giving today ONE more chance.

as you shimmy out of your shorts, your met with the sight of some red marks chris made today. you stare down at yourself, tears filling your eyes.

you take your top off, your hot pink bra showing off your breasts. you put each leg into your low rise jeans, pulling them up over your thighs.

they didnt fit. they fit well last week. your mind goes back to when chris said you have thunder sighs. am i really that big for these jeans?

your mind fills with worry and terrible thoughts, desperately trying to pull the jeans over your thighs. nothing worked.

this was your very last straw, tears erupted. loud sobs bursting out of your throat. you immediately cover your face, your hands on your face as you sobbed into yourself.

your stomach puffed in and out, getting more and more involved as you cried. before anything else, you here loud footsteps near the door.

the door swings open, revealing chris in some comfy sweats and headphones around his neck. he wasnt wearing a shirt since he used it to clean coffee from in between his keyboard keys.

“hey, hey.. ma.” he immediately goes to your side, grabbing your shoulders softly. “m-m..” you whimper, moving away.

you were obviously scared of him, of what he might do. his expression softened. “you think i would?” he spoke softly, removing his hand.

now he’s upset, but he pushes his feelings away for you. “you want a hug? please say yes, i need my girl in my arms.” he pleads, holding out your arms.

scared, you shuffle your way between his arms which instantly wrap around you. his chin rests on your shoulders. “now what happened, beautiful? what set off the tearworks?” he asks calmly, rubbing your bare shoulders, fiddling with your bra strap.

you think about what to say, this is pathetic. crying over pants not fitting. crying because he hurt you, made fun of you.

“we have been fighting a-all day.. you called- called me fat n’ said i have thunder thighs. now i cant fit in my favourite jeans..” you started, sobbing as you explained your situation.

“and the coffee- i accidentally spilled it on you. im so- so fucking sorry. i didnt mean to and you slapped my arm- and it hurt.” you work yourself up, your cries getting louder.

he cut you off, stroking your shoulder softly with one hand and pressing soft, sloppy kisses against the other. “ma, i didnt mean to call ya’ fat. you understand how grumpy i get..” he starts, pressing kisses around your shoulder and neck.

chris couldn’t bare with the thought of you crying, and you were, BECAUSE of him.

“you are a beautiful girl, my beautiful girl. m’ so happy and lucky to have you as my love. my one and only sweetheart.” he rubs the corner of your shoulder.

he pulled away to look at your puffy face, wiping your tears with a soft smile. “show me that smile, ma.” he wipes his thumb over her bottom lip, causing her to smile.

her cries stopped, replaced by listening to his soothing words.

authours note ྀིྀི

hii guys, this is my first little thing posted on hereee! i need some more friends but all my followers i do see and read your content. some i saw on c.ai and others on tumblr.. please interact with this post by reblogging❤️

[first-edition]

Fox and the Hound

Sum-Joffrey wants to send a message to your family after your brother embarrasses him, so he marries you off to his most unwanted man in his court, the hound. But will this marriage truly be a statement for an eyesore, or will it grow into something more. 

Cw for chapter- pregnancy, 18+ words and themes overall. Angst, death of husband, not prof read apologies for any errors, mention of sexual assault.

// A/N: just wanted to apologize for the broken links at the beginning of the book since i changed my username they haven’t been working but i assure you I’ll get to fixing them. I will also end up making a goggle docs with the entire book for downloading when this series ends//

previous chapter here

Chapter 19

Somewhere along the coast line the temperature became more fridged than it could’ve ever needed to be. You’d packed a few warm items but layered up heavily none the less. The boat at port long ago and the carragie and horsemen’s ride to castle black was nothing short of ‘fucking freezing’ as joss had put it. 

You arrived safe however. The gate immedetly opened at the hint of your arrival and despite the men being rapers, murdering, thieves and criminals they welcomed you with bows. 

“Welcome your highness your presence here blesses us all.” John speaks as he walks up to you before bowing. 

“You don’t need to do that.” You say helping him stand again. He chuckles nervously. 

“I want to thank you. For letting me stay here i recon with the long days I’ve been over seas the plague in volantis and the other corners has long since gone.” You say 

“you can never be too carful.” He says smiling you smile back to him before opening your arms he pulls you in for a hug but pulls away for a brief moment only to look down a bit where your stomach is hidden under your large cloak. 

“Are you…” he trails off you nod. 

“Wasn’t by any ill hand if you're insinuating. ‘Twas my husbands doing.” You say he frowns with hint of a smile and confusion. 

“We have much to discuss.” You say he chuckles and nods. 

“Apparently.” He laughs. 

“Y/n!” You hear a voice as John move out of your way Sansa hurriedly walks to you before hugging you but once again pulling back realizing your stomach. 

“Sandor.” You say she smiles and hugs you again. 

“Ive missed you so much” she says not letting go. As if you were. 

“Me too.” You say taking a few more seconds to hug your best friend before pulling away. 

“You found your way here after the fight in kingslanding?” You ask. 

“Yes but not on my own i have news to share with you much news.” She says you smile and nod. 

“Oh. This this my head lady in waiting Lucy, this is Sarah, and Meleesa. This is my squire joss stilwood” you introduce they Curtis and bow as followed. 

“Lets get you out of the cold first and ill show you your quarters and then i can share with you the much needed to speak about news.” Sansa says. You smile to her as she takes your hand leading you. 

———

“queen of the north..why arnt you in winterfell then if youre queen. Why isn’t john?” You ask 

“we have people holding down the fort. And im much more rather be stationed here at castle black more to do, however we will be going back there in the next month before the winter gets rough and id like you to come with, better rooms less men crawling about.” She says giggling at the last bit you laugh as well. 

“you dont look the same.” You say Turing to her. 

“Neither do you.” She replies. 

“What? Is it my large belly?” You joke she chuckles and shakes her head. 

“N-no..you…you seem sadder.” She says. 

“As do you..what happened after black water Sansa?…” you ask quietly. She takes a seat on the bed next to you before taking a breath. 

“Jeoffry was bethrothed to someone else the lady Margery Tyrell of house highgarden-“ she begins 

“lady olenas granddaughter?” You ask she nods 

“Tyrion and i married.” She begins again 

“you married Tyrion Lannister?!” You ask shocked as ever. 

“I still needed to marry a Lannister per my fathers death note. He was kind, didn’t touch me kept me pure. At Joffrey's wedding he was poisoned and killed. Lord belish grabbed me and ran with me away from the gruesome sight i was put into a boat and we left for the vale to my aunt Lysa…but…only a few days there and- well we left eventually and he..he sold me to Ramsey Bolton. He wasn’t so kind in the marragie. He raped me abused me. But he got his dues.” She says 

“hes dead?” You ask. sansa nods a bit to proudly. 

“How?…” 

“hounds.” She says as he is well known for his love of using dogs to tear apart his vitcims. 

”then i ended up here little finger is with me but i hope not for long, john barley trusts him and good measure too anyone who trusts littlefinger is fool.” She says.

”i heard about the battle outside of the Bolton fields. Im glad you won.” You say. She dodges the scentece and asks you about yourself. 

“What of you? Your pregnant and showing for the gods sake. I rembering sitting on your bed you covered in bruises from him and now you carry his child.” she says 

“alright first of all it wasn’t like that you and i both know that Sandor didn’t bruise me for power it was an accident you’ve seen him, hes a lot larger than most assume.” You say. 

“In all honesty are you sure hes not part giant or something how can a man be that large and not be.” She jokes leaving you two to share another laugh before you continue on. 

“After black water Sandor joss and i were heading to volantis, home, but we got separated in princes pass by a theivery ambush he sent joss and i with the horse away while he fought the others off. We were supposed to meet at sunspear but the horse had an accident so we had to sale off at salt shore. We arrived in volants not long after porting and stayed for a while before the sickness hit. my father died from it and the last i saw of my mother she had it.” You say. 

“Then…what of volantis?” She asks. 

“Im next in line since my brother is gone and sandor is to reign with me but, if my mother passes on as well i do not want to sit on a throne the rest of my life and bark orders at people. I dont want to be queen and i can reassure you sandor does not want to be king.” You reply. 

“What of sandor any news from him?” She wonders. 

“…no…out paths haven’t crossed, hes not arrived in volantis and i fear the worst for him. I cannot be certain of his demise as theres not raven sent or sign but…” you trail off as she take you hand. 

“You’ll see him again. I know you love him and that’s enough to hold to. Dont you think?” She says you nod. She smiles. You nod giving her a quick hug before she speaks again and hops up. 

“Come on! There’s someone i want you meet another lady. A lady knight.” She says you raise you eyebrows confused. 

“Can ladies be a knight?” You ask. 

“She is! Come on.” She exclaims. You get up pulling you cloak on and following her out of the room and through the halls.

———

“lady Brienne!?” Santa calls to her as she pushes the sparing mate into the pile of snow before turning to face Sansa. 

”lady Sansa.” Brienne says bowing slightly. You admire her features strong yet still faire shes very tall and could almost apose sandor. She wears armor with a cloak to keep her a bit warm. 

“This is princess y/n of volantis, house vixen, married to house clegane by friend. We met in kingslanding when both had a debt to pay from our parents. Y/n this is Brienne of Tarth.” Sansa introduces you. Brienne gets down on her knees and lowers her head as soon as the word princess and volantis are uttered. 

“Your highness its an honor” Brianne says. 

“Oh no please..” you say asking you up she obeys and takes her stand. 

“She will be living with us till the foreseeable furture.” Sansa continues. 

“Pleasure to have you along.” Brienne speaks. 

“Lady Brienne this is my squire joss stilwood. If you should need anything of battle value joss may provide.” You reply to her. 

“My lady.” Joss says bowing a bit. 

“This is my um..squire podrick.” She answers. 

“Your highness.” Podrick says 

“weren’t you tyrion lannister's squire?” You ask him. 

“Yes your highness i was. He relieved me and i offered my useage to lady Brienne.” He replies to you. 

“Hmm you and joss should have much to talk about two squires from kings landing with royal practice.. should be fun.” You say a smile on your face. 

“If you dont mind my ask who did you squire for before?” Brianne asks joss. 

“Ser Gregor clegane then his brother sandor clegane during the battle of black water.” He says to her. 

“Y-your highness you said you married into the house clegane?” Brianne asks you. 

“Yes. You ask this why?” You ask. 

“F-forgive me but erm.. your husband, He was large dented metal armor, ugly, scruffy… he had his face scarred on the left.” She says. You nod. 

“Ser sandor clegane..” podrick says in a ‘oh shit’ sort of way 

“Why?” You ask a slight winge in your voice. 

“Your highness. While It was means to get lady Sansa’s sister back to her safety, we fought, hard, I was scared I wasn’t going to win, but I’d hit him with a rock and kicked him off the cliff…..I….I didn’t see him move at the bottom.” 

“What..” you voice strained as tears threaten your eyes.

“I-im sorry…you um…are you sure he was dead?” Sansa asks briskly. A lump forms in your throat  as she asks you wait for the impending answer. 

“Yes…i-“ before she can finish her apology you shortly gather your dress ends up with a whimper and hurry away from the others tears running down your cheeks as you run outside the gates as they open for other coming into the fort your hand clutching your stomach as you fall your knees sobbing into the snow.

“Y/n..y/n” Sansa says hurrying twords you kneeling to you pulling you into a hug as you sob in her arms.

“Shh-sh” she shushes as you sob in her arms. The pure thought of the love of your life your husband who’s reunion you’d been keeping up hope for was dead. All you had of him now was his child. He will never get to see his son or daughter. He will never get to see you.

Next chapter here

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[cafemilk-tea]

Illness

❒ pairing - evelyn x grandmother ft dino

❒ word count - 3.0K

❒ synopsis - evelyn’s grandmother calls her with unfortunate news

❒ time - late 2013

🏷️ taglist - @justmochi @ateezjuliet @itzy-eve @cosmicwintr @billboard-singer @kimhyejin3108 @cixrosie @enhacolor @allthings-fandoms @mingis-wrld @kmgfeels @peachyaeger @aysxldea @choihaneul @angie-x3 @alixnsuperstxr

⚠️ - mentions of cancer, evie getting a bruise on her arm from a staff member & food restrictions; angst

Italics = spoken in English

(a/n: tears in my eyes thinking of bby evie & bby dino swinging on swings together T_T)

School was let out early for Evelyn and Chan and they had found themselves at the little playground by the school on the swings waiting for a few of his older members to come pick them up and walk them to the company. Evelyn kicked her feet back and forth, humming the words to her evaluation song as she watched random cars drive far off in the distance. Chan giggling to himself pulled her back into reality as she glanced over at him curiously.

“What’s funny?”

“You’ve just been humming that all day long,” Chan covered his mouth with his hands laughing. Evelyn internally cringed with knowing how many people’s hands have been on these swing set chains and now here he was pressing those germs all over his face.

“I’ve got solo evaluations coming up and I’ve been slacking off too much I think,” Evelyn pouted her lips at her words. She was given SNSD’s ‘Genie’ to sing and it’s been a challenge for her, even more so since she’s doing Taeyeon’s part in the post-chorus towards the end of the song.

Chan clicked his tongue as he disagreed with her, pushing himself backwards and letting go to swing back and forth, “Nuh-uh, I’ve heard you sing especially that one part in the song and you sound really good!”

A smile crept its way onto her face as her cheeks heated up slightly at his encouragement, “Thanks Channie.”

The two swang in silence, enjoying small talks between the two of them and people watching. Evelyn always found it fascinating to just sit and watch people in their everyday life and how everyone is so different from one another.

“How’s practice going for you,” Evelyn pushes herself on the swing set, gripping the metal chains tightly between her fingers as she swung herself back and forth deciding to change the subject.

“Awful,” Chan pouted his lips out into a hard frown as he stared at the dirt underneath his feet and slowed down his swinging, “Not awful as in bad but more like it’s just so hard sometimes. I like doing it, I really do, but we got in trouble with one of the staff again and it wasn’t even our fault.”

Evelyn frowned in sympathy at his words, knowing exactly what he was going through. Earlier in the week, one of the staff had grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out into the hallway to berate her by saying she wasn’t keeping up with the other trainees and was too busy slacking off again. The slight bruising on her arm from how hard his hand had gripped her is still a clear and visible mark.

“And Soonyoung-hyung can be mean sometimes too. He keeps making us do the same routine over and over again all because Seungkwan-hyung keeps messing up this one step,” He shuffled his foot in the dirt below, scuffing up the bottom of his already worn shoes from practice.

“Channie-,” Evelyn slowed her swing down to barely moving at all, using her foot to twist her seat from side to side. Being a trainee was hard in general. It made her question why she even wanted to do it sometimes.

“I’m sure he doesn’t mean to make you upset-.” She started but was cut off by his outburst.

“He doesn’t care!” He huffed kicking the dirt making dust particles fly into the air. Evelyn couldn’t blame him for getting angry over it. She’s been there once or twice since becoming a trainee. His face turned sour as the frown sank deeper into his face, “Anytime I ask if we can learn something else, he gets mad and storms away and slams the door behind him yelling things like ‘If we get a low score, it’ll be your fault’.”

Evelyn stayed quiet and let him have time to get what he wanted off of his chest. She knows that he can’t blow up like this with his members since they’re all older, and that’s why the two of them are so close with being the only two youngest in the company.

After a moment of silence passed between the two of them, Chan let out a deep breath as he turned towards Evelyn in his seat.

“Eunji, I’m sorry I got angry-,” She looked over at him as he sucked on the inside of his cheek, “It’s just hard and it’s hard to talk to the hyungs about it when they’re all on the same page about most things.”

“It’s okay Channie,” Evelyn looked down at her shoes with a smile, nodding in agreement, “That’s why we have each other! We have to stick together through this right? It’s the only way we can make it through.”

“You’re right!”

“Soonyoung-Oppa is trying his hardest, you all are,” She tried to reason, wanting to keep the topic open to talk Chan through what she was also thinking, “He wants you guys to be so successful one day and I know you guys work really hard and I’m rooting for you to have a great debut in the future.”

Evelyn’s words made a big grin break across Chan’s face, his anger from before seemingly vanished at the mention of his group, “You’re gonna debut so big too! How cool is it that our groups are gonna debut? We’ll have to collab on a stage in the future!”

“That’ll be so much fun!” Evelyn gushed as they went back to swinging, waiting on Chan’s older members to arrive.

“Ugh I’m starving,” Chan drops his head down as his stomach rumbles with hunger, using his feet to push himself backwards on the swing again before letting himself swing forward, “Where are the hyungs anyway? This is so annoying, they said they’d be here by now.”

“I’m sure they’ll be here soon.” Evelyn tried to sound hopeful even though she was growing quite hungry as well. On the occasion, Chan’s older members would secretly buy the two of them a snack and they ate it on the way to the company, making sure to take the long way back so they had time to finish the food.

Evelyn bit the inside of her cheek as an idea popped into her head, quickly standing up from her seat and crouching down by her backpack. Chan watched curiously as she unzipped the main pocket and dug around for a few moments before grinning back at him. She raised her arm high in the sky and he followed her movements, jumping off of the swing when he noticed the money in her hand.

“Where did you even get that?” His eyes grew in size as she brought her hand down so the two of them could inspect the money closely. It was only a few dollars worth but it was more than she thought she had.

“Minji-Unnie gave me some money for-,” She used her fingers to air quote, mimicking Minji’s lower voice, “-For emergencies only.”

“I consider this a dire emergency.”

“Remember the last time though, the company found out we were eating and scolded us to no end.” Evelyn frowned at the memory. She never liked being in trouble and ever since moving to Korea, it felt like that’s all she seemed to do.

“If we eat it here we should be fine,” Chan tried to reason with her, his stomach rumbling in hunger again and Evelyn’s right after, almost like they were talking to each other. She hesitated at first but nodded her head in agreement. Chan looked behind them, pointing down the street at the convenience store on the corner.

“I can grab us a ramen and we can share it so it won’t be too much food, any requests?”

“Mmm, make it a surprise,” She grinned as she handed the money over to the antsy boy, a laugh falling from her lips as she watched him speed walk down the road to the convenience store.

Walking back to her seat on the swing set, she rocked back and forth on her heels again, going back to her people and car watching. The sound of her phone ringing broke her out of her trance, reaching over and grabbing her phone. The brightness in her eyes matched the excitement in her voice when she saw who was calling her.

“Hiya Gram,” She pressed the phone to her ear, holding onto the swing by its metal chains with her other hand.

“Hello my Sweet Pea.”

She could honestly cry after hearing her Grandmother’s voice after she hadn’t in such a long time. As trainees, they weren’t given many opportunities to speak to their loved ones and if they were, they were always heavily monitored by the staff. The female trainees were allowed back their phones for having such good evaluations last month so of course she was elated that her grandmother had decided to call now.

“Are you having lunch now? Don’t tell me you snuck out of class to talk to me young lady,” Her motherly tone caused Evelyn to bust out into a fit of giggles picturing the look of concern on her face. Evelyn shook her head even though she knew she couldn’t see it.

“Of course not! School ended early today and Channie and I went to the little playground next door. You remember Lee Chan right? One of the male trainees from my company that’s my age?” Evelyn twisted her head to look down the road to see if Chan was coming back, settling back on the swing when she saw no sight of him.

“I do remember you telling me about him, he’s a little cutie,” Her grandmother hummed on the other side of the line. Evelyn could hear the faintness of water running and knew that she was outside watering her flowers in the back garden. “How has your training been going? Are they treating you well?”

“Good actually! We’ve got our evaluations next week and I’ve been practicing on a song for that and we���ve also been doing a lot of stuff with the group!” Evelyn’s face lit up at mentioning her group. She loves those girls and even though she was the youngest of them, she would do anything and everything for them. She glanced down at her arm and decided to omit the part about the staff grabbing her, knowing that her grandmother would’ve been on the first flight out to Korea to come give them hell.

“I’m glad to hear it,” She could hear her grandmother smile into the phone, the sound of the hose shutting off in the background indicating she was down watering her flowers, “I can’t wait to meet the girls, they sound like such lovely people. Are you excited to be a group?”

“Well, we’re not technically a group yet. New trainees can be added at any time but-,” The memory of the girls meeting for the first time and everyone acting like they had known each other for years and how welcoming everyone was instantly flooded her mind, “Yeah, I am super excited!”

“I was worried about sending you out there by yourself but it seems to me like you’re in good hands,” Her grandmother makes a pause, taking in a deep breath as she gathers up her thoughts, “Sweet Pea, I’ve got to talk to you about something, something really important.”

“Hmm?” Evelyn frowned slightly at the sudden change of her tone. She was always such a cheerful and positive lady that whenever her voice shifted into this more serious side, she knew something had to be up.

“I know you were too young to remember this but a long time ago during one of my doctor appointments, they had found little masses on one of my lungs and I had went through some treatments to have them removed,” She paused to let Evelyn understand what she was saying, “Well, I just came back from an appointment yesterday and I’m going to go ahead and tell you that it was not the best of news.”

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Evelyn’s eyebrows pinched together in confusion, resting her head against the metal chain of the swing trying to process what was being said to her. She dragged her foot back and forth through the dirt waiting on a response back. Her poor white school shoes now the faintest shade of beige.

“Sweet Pea, there’s no easier way to tell you this-,” She hesitated on the other side of the phone, taking in a deep breath and letting it out, “The doctors have discovered a form of cancer growing in my right lung. It’s small but it was big enough that they were able to detect it.”

Tears welled up in Evelyn’s eyes as she bit her bottom lip to stop it from quivering, “D-Do I need to fly home? I-I think if I ask the company they’ll let me-.”

“Don’t you even think about it,” Her grandmother’s voice was soft yet firm, stopping Evelyn from speaking, “You stay there, I’ll be okay here Sweet Pea. The doctor is confident that we can keep it under control with treatment to ensure that I can keep on going like I always have been, okay?”

A single tear traveled down her cheek slowly as she sat in silence, the words from her grandmother sinking in one by one. Her grandmother has….cancer? Why now, why here, why at all? It felt like she was being hit with a thousand bricks all at once with this news.

“B-But you’ll be alone.”

“Sweet Pea, I’ve got plenty of support here,” Her grandmother reasoned with her. Her support system consisted only of her best friend, who Evelyn had grown to call Auntie June, living a few doors down from their house. Evelyn pulled the phone away briefly so she could choke back on a struggling to escape cry, not wanting to worry her grandmother anymore that she probably was. She always hated whenever Evelyn was upset at any point in time no matter what the situation was.

“It’s getting late out here Sweet Pea. It’s the weekend tomorrow right and then you’re off for a few days, I’ll give you a call then okay?” Evelyn could tell that her grandmother was getting tired from the yawning that she was struggling to hold onto, “I love you so much Sweet Pea, to the moon and back again.”

Evelyn hesitated, her bottom lip tucked in between her teeth as she nodded even though she knows that she wouldn’t be able to see it, “I love you too, to the moon and back again.” She managed to sniffle before her finger clicked the line dead and that’s when she dropped her head, clutching her phone to her chest.

“Eunji, guess who I ran into coming out of the store-,” Chan’s laugh echoed around the stone wall but was cut short when he saw the state of Evelyn. She couldn’t bring herself to look up from where she was staring blankly at the ground when the cluster of boys rushed closer to the swing set. A figure was quick to crouch down in front of her and he hesitated before grabbing her hand in his much larger one.

“Eunji-ah, what’s wrong?” Seungcheol rubbed his thumb gently across the rough skin of her knuckles. She kept her gaze down at the dirt as a shallow breath got caught in her throat, another set of droplets fell from her eyes and splashed down onto the skirt of her uniform.

Seungcheol looked back at where Chan and Jun were off to the side with a slight frown, Chan clutched the grocery bag in his hands, moving his shoulders up into a shrug as the unsettling feeling started to set in. She was all happy and smiley before he had left and now it’s the complete opposite. Jun had moved forward until he was just behind Evelyn, a small touch to her back to let her know that he was there. He didn’t know her to the same lengths that Seungcheol or Chan did, but he cared for her just as much as he did his own members.

A moment of silence passed between the small group, the only sounds being made were those of passing by cars on the road or the subtle sniffles Evelyn was letting out trying her best not to break down. The three boys looked around at each other, Seungcheol looking down at his watch seeing that it was inching closer and closer towards practice time. He went against his brain telling them to start heading towards the company, deciding that this was way more important and he would take the heat later for all of them being late. It wasn’t until a quiet voice broke them out of the silence, bringing their attention back onto Evelyn.

“I wanna go home.”

Seungcheol readjusted the pressure on his knees from crouching, gripping her shaking hand a little tighter, “Eunji-ah? I can take you back to the dorm if-”

But she shook her head quickly, cutting Seungcheol off from speaking any further. Evelyn bit the inside of her cheek as she couldn’t hide the whimper in her voice any longer. The tears streamed freely down her cheeks as she looked up at him for the first time since he had arrived in front of her, watery brown eyes meeting his worried ones.

“I wanna go home Oppa,” Evelyn choked out a sob before falling off the swing and into Seungcheol’s arms, knocking him backwards onto the dirt. She wrapped her hands tightly around his torso before burying her face into the crease of his neck, tears soaking through his shirt. Seungcheol held onto her tight, sharing a look with his members full of concern and worry for what’s happened to her.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my brother his wife is using him?

This may be long but I want to make sure there is enough info for you to give an accurate judgment. TLDR at the end but I encourage reading the full post

I (25f) have an older brother, J (28m). I also have a younger brother (22m), L. J and I were always close when we were younger then grew apart as we got older, the boys always were close. The year J graduated high school we became close again.

J met his gf A (29-31f, I dont even know how old she is but she's older then J) during college. I remember the first time A came home with him, and she was very sweet but very nervous. We clicked and had a good conversation that lasted hours (we all were at our parents house and us girls had to share a room and the boys did too). Anytime there were holidays we stayed at our parents and did this (big holidays that colleges had off like Christmas and Thanksgiving)

We met up a couple of times and all was fine. It was hard as they lived far away from where we grew up (2-4 hours depending on traffic and routes). Then I moved to the country, about 20 minutes away from them. We met up more often, but only maybe about once every 3 months. No big deal, I was busy working. Then J and A got engaged and it felt like everything changed.

I would invite them to hang out or get dinner, but J and A would make excuses. J would be like "A can't come so we won't make it" even when I said "okay but what if only you came? You're my brother?" He would make excuses. The days they agreed to meet up, suddenly day of couldn't go. He was tired after work, she wasn't feeling good, the car wasn't working. Anything and everything you could think of. I did notice whenever L came to visit me and stay, J and A would always be available to meet up, even if it was last minute.

So I figured...it somehow must be me? And then they got married. And it was beautiful.

Or so im told as it was a private ceremony and I wasn't invited :) I actually was originally told the date, which I asked off of work for, but then I got a text a week prior saying "guess what happened tonight" and then was told they got married. L was there. Our parents and myself were not. A did tell me she didn't feel right inviting our parents if her parents weren't there...but why not me? I was told it was a private ceremony and only L was there as a witness, but one of their friend's posted pictures and it had over 5 different people in them

I tried to let it go but honestly it hurt me and pissed me off and everything kept adding onto it. I have zero clue what the hell i did. I have texted J and asked him point blank if he is mad at me, he would deny. I asked for A's number cause he mentioned she was lonely and had lost friends, I said we could go get our nails done since that's something she likes (I dont but I figured I'd extend an olive branch) he refused to give it to me. It seems its me but again I have zero clue why.

It worsened after me and J got into an argument. They canceled again, and I do know A was having a bought of depression at this time. I understood, as someone diagnosed with depression and anxiety. But J told me I never would understand (A was still going out to places and hanging out with friends, meanwhile there were days I couldn't get out of bed and called into work sick. I know we shouldn't compare mental illness but it seemed like an excuse to me. A also would do things that she has said makes her mental health worse, like reading and watching things that triggers her). The whole reason I wanted to hang out is because I had Christmas gifts from our parents and a few of our childhood friends for them (L was out of the country at this time and had mailed a gift to them). They kept bailing and I tried for TWO MONTHS, I finally delivered the items the week after Valentines.

One of our friends was a baker and TOLD THEM she baked them a cake, special for them because A has dietary restrictions due to a chronic disease. They knew this and it spoiled. So I was upset for my friend, and I lied and said they got it to save her the hurt.

But when J finally told me to drop off the items I blew up at him. We stood outside his house and yelled at each other. He flat out told me to stop being so emotional and that I was letting hormones get in the way of thinking, and that I should understand A being depressed. I did! I yelled at him he should get his head out of his ass and that he is letting down not just me but our friends, especially the baker who has a waitlist and made stuff SPECIAL for them. He didn't thank me for my gift, but texted each individual person for theirs.

That was in 2022. A month after I apologized and he said he forgave me. But nothing has changed. Since then they didn't wish me happy birthday (they called L on his, he is now living with me temporarily, but when I pointed out I didn't get a happy birthday from anyone *literally only one friend wished me a happy birthday and L, even my own parents forgot* A told me I needed to get over myself and that birthdays weren't that important to them so I shouldn't take any offense. I didnt expect them to wish me a happy birthday this year because of that, but my true friends and my parents did remember this year),. They didn't come to my college graduation. I stopped texting J and I hadn't heard a response since. We did see each other this past Christmas coincidentally, not planned as they didn't come to our parents. J was pleasant, A said nothing but watched me the whole time, and I made excuses to leave this Christmas party as I didnt even know they knew the person throwing the party.

I came home early from work this past week and J was visiting L (something J claims he can't do during weekdays cause he works 9-5 during the week...allegedly). J gave me a hug and we all chatted for about an hour, it felt like old times, but then his wife called. It was a smooth conversation then I got brought up, and suddenly A needed J back home immediately. He bailed on dinner plans he and L had (L had spent all day cooking a roast, it was delicious btw and yes L was upset J didn't stay).

I had enough. I called J during his "work hours" on his cell. J answered and I chewed him out. I said our brother was hurt and whatever the issue with me is HAS to stop. If he doesn't tell me whats wrong, I CANT fix it. J told me there was nothing wrong with me and I was reading too into it. I pointed out some of the same instances I listed and he told me I was reading into it. He then accidentally let slip that A didn't want us talking. Which I figured. I blew up and told him A was using him. A was turning him against me and our parents *i am too lazy to go back but he stopped talking to our parents the same time he stopped talking to me but he always talked to L*. I mentioned how she is an adult and if she has an issue with me she needs to tell me, but instead she's a fucking coward. J yelled at me that she has anxiety and I yelled back "bitch I do too! I'm on fucking meds for it" which i know she isnt. J hung up on me.

Not only is everything above an issue, A also: doesn't have a job and only J has the income. Claims its because of her illness, the one that causes dietary restrictions, yet EATS said things even though she knows makes her sick. She won't let J meet up with our childhood friends. A also has stsrted getting J to take edibles with her. If J is tested, it will get him fired from his job. But then she complains he's being a loser if he doesn't do edibles with her.

The kicker is this: A solely used to date women. J is NOT a woman, nor does he want to identify as one. J knows A used to date women, and again tells me I should be more considerate seeing as how I am openly bisexual. However, and I havent told J this, one of the conversations I did have with A after they got married, she told me TO MY FACE "yeah, I never imagined marrying a guy yet here I am." Laughed and I kind of was like oh haha, isnt it crazy how things work out, to which she said "I dont even like men!" Slapped my thigh laughing and continued laughing. I was bewildered and when J had returned and asked what we were talking about we both changed the subject.

I did tell L when that happened and he thought it was weird but we couldn't change anything as they were married. I dont know if I should tell J.

But really I do feel as though A is using J, but now im wondering if I should lay it out more clearly WHY. Or if I should stay out of it. They already seem to hate me, so part of me is like why not go for it. But L is talking me off that bridge (my therapist is also testing me for something that isnt solely anxiety and depression) . I know J is hurt as he told L such, and part of me feels bad I yelled, but also the rest of me wants to key his fucking car and tell him to shove it up his ass and ban him from seeing L at my house as it is MY house even though L is living there

AITA?

TLDR: I yelled at my brother his wife is using him as she doesn't have a job, always falls back on her mental and physical illness yet does things to make them worse, and has also told me she doesn't like men (she used to exclusively date women prior to my brother).

What are these acronyms?

[kyday]

Solace | Kate Bishop

Summary: It's one of those nights again where Kate disappears and doesn't come back until it's early morning. You have finally had enough. warnings: bad writing (sorry not sorry), few swear words. light angst with a happy ending. enjoy!! wordcount: 1200+ ------------------

Katiee 💘: hey love, i know you’re at work right now, but im just telling you that ill be busy the entire day. I have so much to do today so i might not be able to open my phone as often.

You: hi babyyy, its fine. i get it,  just make sure to text me once everything  is over, okay? love you.

Katiee 💘: of course, dont worry. love you too, mwuah! 9:23 am

It was 11:34 pm, the flickering lights of NYC fluttered outside your window, and the constant noise of cars passing by was nothing new. You had been up all night waiting for a reply from your girlfriend, Kate.

Her last reply was in the morning, after that— radio silence. Her silence was unnerving, although you had gotten used to her doing this, it never was this drastic. You kept opening your phone every time it turned on, expecting it was her message, but still; nothing.

You: babyy, are you free noww? if not, i hope you finish up soon. mwuah. 6:02 pm

You:

heyy, i know this is probably just one of your busy days but are you donee? lucky misses you already.  text me when you get this. 7:35 pm 

You:

kate, Im getting worried. you haven't been answering the entire day. is everything fine? please text me once you see this. 9:00 pm

You:

Kate??? Please tell me you’re okay. I'm worried sick. 9:58 pm

You anxiously paced around your bedroom, at the corner of the room Lucky was sleeping on his bed. He was planning on staying up with you but at 10 pm he accidentally fell asleep. You make your way to the dining room, leaving a light on— you’ll wait for Kate here.

You can feel your eyes slowly giving up, trying to keep yourself up— you try to rub your face to stay awake a bit more. 

This hasn’t been the first time Kate has done this. Ever since last year when she hit that large bell tower, she had changed. There were times you often pretended to not know when she had cuts or bruises— she was a bad liar. You can often see her limping or wincing every time she moves.

You never questioned her about it though. You didn't want to overwhelm her especially since her mother got sent to jail for murdering people. But ever since that— it seemed like she was burying herself in her work more and more. The cuts or bruises were more visible, you remember when she didn't come home for a day and she blamed it on her cousin who was in town and wanted some tour around NYC.

Right as you were about to fall asleep, you heard the sound of keys clattering and curses being mumbled as the person entered the front door. You recognized the voice to be Kate. “Fuck, fuck fuck.” 

She stopped in her tracks when she saw you standing in front of the couch. There was a moment of silence between you, “Where the hell have you been?” You questioned in disbelief. She puts down her bow on the nearest table, you watch her intently.

“The company had me go overtime since there were extra projects due. Look, I sorry-” 

She explains but you quickly cut her off. “Oh my god, then why the hell do you bring your fucking bow or why couldn't you even text me once? Do you think I'm stupid Kate?” She sighs, massaging her temple.

“Y/n, let's not do this right now.” She mumbles, giving you a tired look. “I'm tired, we can talk about this in the morning.” You shook your head immediately.

You stepped closer to her. “No, we are talking about this now. Because in the morning you’ll be gone even before I wake up. Goddamit, I'm not oblivious! I know that your work isn't from seven am to eleven fucking pm!” Kate is starting to become more irritated with you, trying to bite her tongue from saying anything.

“What the hell are you hiding from me? I was worried sick, I waited up until what? Eleve-” You look at the clock. 12:10 am. “Its fucking midnight!” Kate knows she deserves this, but she's tired, way too tired to fight right now.

“Who said you had to fucking wait for me?” She replies, stunning you.

You let out a sarcastic laugh, “Oh my god, maybe because I'm your girlfriend, Kate! Have you ever thought of that?”

As the tension in the room thickened, Kate's expression softened, and she let out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to worry you," she said, her voice tinged with exhaustion. "I know I've been distant lately, and I haven't been completely honest with you."

You can feel your frustration, but you are also worried. “Then why, Kate? Why do you keep shutting me out? Why are you not telling me the truth?” Kate looks down in guilt, her superhero duties have been such a huge thing for her that she forgot her true priority, you.

“I haven't been honest with you..” She starts off.

“No shit Sherlock.” You mumble, earning a smile from her.

She coughs, “I know this may uh- this may seem unbelievable but I've been working with Hawkeye to bring this organization down.” She stopped to see your reaction, but your face was like stone. “And just— today we were so close to getting them but they got away.” Kate continues, her voice turning into a whisper at the end, you can hear the disappointment in her voice.

“But you didn't have to hide it from me, Kate.” You start, tears welled up in Kate’s eyes.

“I didn't want to make you worry, I'm so sorry.” She whispers.

You walk over to her and wipe her tears. “I'm always worrying about you, you know that. It doesn't matter how crazy your story is. Hell, if you told me you were fighting aliens, I would believe you. Because I trust you, Kate. And I need you to put that same trust in me.” You explain, hugging her.

You can feel her nod against your chest. “No more secrets, okay?” 

“Okay.” She mumbles, latching onto you.

You chuckle, “Come on, we can cuddle in bed.” She protests for a second, saying she wants to lie down on the floor. But you manage to convince her into going to the bedroom for cuddles.

She plops down on the mattress, and you follow behind her. “I'm sorry again, I won't do it again, love.” She looks up at your eyes, you smile at her. 

“It's okay now. Just go to bed, okay?” She nods, and she inches closer to you before pressing her lips onto yours. “Goodnight baby.”

“Goodnight love.” Kate mumbles tiredly, cuddling up to you. And for a moment, the loud cars outside quieted down, and the bright city lights weren't so bright anymore. 

Kate realized that she could only have this comfort with you.