#“my hope of heaven and my knowledge of hell”

[orangeshipper]

Only O’LiamRoe remained by Margaret Lennox’s side as the doors reopened and in the shadows a man came to stand, fair, lightly made and dimly sparkling, like crystal half-seen in the dark, a young page carrying a baton at his back. Then he moved out into the fine room and the monkey, shrilling, dropped on to the cloth of gold tabard, thick and dazzling as the sun on the sea. ... O'LiamRoe looked at the Countess. Her unusually bleached good looks which he had been admiring a moment before had given way to a sudden queer heightening of her splendour. She drew a long, unsteady breath. The air, which had been alive as an eel bath with brilliant unchosen words, became abruptly quite dead. ... Turning, he looked at Vervassal again. The shrillness of temperament you might have suspected from that opening sentence was not in fact there; rather there was, nearly concealed, a sort of residual power, clear as blown glass, piercing and concentrated as a needle of ice. O’LiamRoe became conscious that the man was looking at him, and turned away. The herald’s gaze turned to Lady Lennox, who, O’LiamRoe could not know, saw none of these things: saw an untouched boy’s face of eight years before and another, more recent, with the new hammer-shapes of leadership plainly on it. And now here was a face she had never quite seen, circumstances she did not know, an intellect she recognized, an illness he could not easily hide, pressed and frozen together into a detachment as dark and icy as O’LiamRoe’s, for example, was shallow and warm. For all these reasons, for the surge of a blind force within her that she had throttled all these years before and abandoned for dead, Margaret Lennox looked back at Lymond and was silent.

- Queens Play, Part 3 VI London: The Nettle and the Venom

[luck-of-the-drawings]

OOH YEAH BABY! PARTY TIME BABY! MUSIC! DRINKS! SOCIAL PRESSURE & A PSYCHEDELIC BREAK DOWN! WELCOME TO VAMPIRE SOCIETY MOTHERFUCKER! ARE YOU SCARED? DO YOU UNDERSTAND YET? ITS OKAY IF NOT. FIRE DISSOLVED IT! ITS ALL GONE NOW. HAVE FUN!

[detrimental-user]

attention! nudity, psychological tension.

i miss Ineffable bureaucracy dynamics from the first season a lot. i loved the second one dearly no matter what, but i still might consider writing a fanfiction where the plot goes entirely different lol

(no pessimistic and gloomy intentions though) (those sketches are not going to be the illustrations) (but i ache to draw gabriel in that military uniform of angels from the first season)

[caramelmochacrow]

fearing death as a trans person hits different. if you died never coming out, changing your name or just doing whatever makes you feel happy with your body it will never be shown in your funeral and everyone will never know you as who you were inside. something about if you died and you DID come out, you did do everything that made you happy abt your body but the one relative in your family that didn't accept you had to fix up your funeral they misgender you and place the wrong name on your grave anyway. or if the relatives that did accept you fix up your funeral with the correct pronouns and name but those who didnt will still misgender and deadname you even when you die. idk man.

[queenlucythevaliant]

Do you think Behemoth and Leviathan were actually real and happened to be dinosaurs? Behemoth was a huge and formidable land dinosaur while Leviathan was a pleisiosaur. Technically, plesiosaurs weren't dinosaurs, but you get my idea?

So I've been sitting on this ask for a little bit because I honestly didn't know what tone to take in answering it. I don't know your background, and thus don't know whether to be more blunt or delicate. Ultimately, I settled on blunt, simply because I could not figure out how to answer this question delicately. That said, I hope you take this in the gracious spirit in which I have written it.

SO. That's a hard no from me, friend. Let's discuss!

So typically when you hear people say that Behemoth and Leviathan were dinosaurs (or dinosaur adjacent), it's in the context of arguments in favor of young earth creationism. It's a fairly big talking point with the Answers in Genesis crowd. Basically, they make the argument that Biblical texts referencing creatures that superficially resemble dinosaurs are evidence that humans and dinosaurs could have lived at the same time.

This works out if the earth is only 6,000 years old, but not if we take paleontology, geology, or human evolution at all seriously. The writer of Job would have had no way of knowing that dinosaurs and plesiosaurs existed because they had already been extinct for many millions of years. Even if you want to argue that maybe God is describing creatures with which Job was unfamiliar, it still doesn't track. God's address to Job treats these creatures as something for which he has a point of reference. It also just doesn't make sense why God would choose this moment to reveal the existence of dinosaurs. Talk about a tangent!

I don't know where you fall on the spectrum of Christian beliefs regarding origins and the age of the earth, but I've written at length on this blog about the case for theistic (old earth) evolution, so I won't rehash that here. Check out my all truth is God's truth tag or shoot me an ask if you want more on that. Regarding Behemoth and Leviathan, however, I think some of the same exegetical skills involved in reading (or misreading) Genesis are involved in the relevant chapters of Job.

When God addresses Job out of the whirlwind, he uses poetic language. He's talking about a real thing (his sovereignty over the universe), but it's something that transcends human comprehension on an overwhelming scale. Much like we can't ever hope to wrap our heads around deep time, we're simply not capable of grasping the extent of God's sovereignty.

When God describes storehouses of hail reserved for the day of battle, are we supposed to literally think that there is a giant building in heaven where God keeps all his hail? Or is it a picture of God's might as both creator and judge of the universe? If we know our Bibles, we see that hail is frequently used as a tool of judgement against God's enemies: Egypt, the Canaanites, apostate Israel, and ultimately the rebellious earth. So when God describes his storehouses of hail, we see the reality of his total control over the arc of history, his ultimate justice, his orderliness.

Likewise, Behemoth and Leviathan use the established language and symbolism of Scripture to convey truths for which plain language wouldn't suffice. Behemoth's description isn't that of any real animal, living or extinct. God paints a picture of a creature that no man could ever hope to tame and expresses that he, God, can.

Leviathan is the longer and more interesting image; it's a mighty creature of the deep that breathes fire and cannot be controlled. We know that in Biblical parlance, water is frequently associated with chaos (too many places to enumerate, but Psalms, the Prophets, and Revelation are good starting places). Leviathan is a picture of this chaos: mighty, rearing, deadly, uncontrollable, terrifying. Then God says to Job, "Can you draw this creature out with a fishhook? Can you make a covenant with him? Will he serve you? Can you injure him? Do you have any means at all of controlling the chaos monster? I do." It's poetry used to express a truth that we humans cannot hope to grasp otherwise: We cannot control the chaos of the world around us. We can't even try. But God can, and he does it effortlessly.

So no. Not dinosaurs. And I think that arguing that they are, especially trying to pick through the text and figure out which ones they're supposed to be and using that to argue for literalistic interpretations of Genesis, really misses the point and the power of what God is saying here.

I think Job's words back to God at the end of the book actually give us a remarkably important principle when it comes to Biblical interpretation: "I have uttered what I do not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know." The whole Bible is too wonderful for us. God condescended in order to give us his truth, and he had the magnificent grace to give it to us in ways that we can begin to grasp.

I think a lot of really literalistic reads on Scripture (Job, Genesis, Revelation, and elsewhere) are a kind of grasping at control. There's an assumption in it that God gave the ancients an exact accounting of things that humans just aren't equipped to fully comprehend.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't try! But it does mean that when we read Scripture concerning the Big Things: the Sovereignty of God, the creation of the universe, the origin of life, eternity, infinity, even spiritual mysteries like the Trinity and the nature of the Incarnation, we have to approach it as something fundamentally beyond our comprehension which God is showing us the edges of. We can see other, different edges of many of those same things through scientific observation (or philosophy, or whatever other disciplines-- not all of the Big Things are scientific in nature.)

It's like Isaac Newton said: "I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me."

[penmanshipeb]

God told Adam the day he eat of that tree, he will surely die. Although, God told him, he still did it.

God says, "‭‭Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God."

Even repeating himself, saying, "‭‭‭‭‬He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son. But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death."

God created the world. He gave life. He states what shall be and what will not be in what he has brought into existence. God is merciful, gracious, long suffering, and slow to anger, so he accepts repentance in the name of the Son. God is clear and plainly makes it known what shall be. The choice is ours to choose our end AFTER he gives us his word. He tells us the end of a matter at the beginning, yet so many refuse the word of God, losing their souls to end in a place that was not meant for them (Matthew 25:41).

[hyperfixating-rn-brb]

The Good Omens Fandom has had a lot of fun recently with the knowledge of Aziraphale and Crowley holding hands on the bus at the end of season 1.

Soo here's everything that went through my head as I learned of it for the first time.

For that entire scene, Aziraphale is really far gone. He's dissociating so hard he can't even realize he's been sitting on a sword. Crowley is probably the only thing keeping him grounded.

They just narrowly stopped Armageddon after a showdown with literally Satan, and still can't let their guard down. For the first time ever, they're completely on their own side. Now they have to orchestrate a body swap to save both of them. They wouldn't just be killed, they'd be completely destroyed. Everything must go exactly according to plan, but how often does that actually happen?

And on top of that, his bookshop, his home, his safe place with the demon he has to pretend not to love is burned and gone.

Crowley is so incredibly gentle and reassuring this entire scene. He's been through so much trauma himself and has spent a lot of his existence shielding the angel from it, hoping to protect some of his innocence and naivete. Crowley is absolutely familiar with every symptom of PTSD and anxiety.

Now he has to see his sweet angel see such a small bit of the horrors of heaven and hell and start to crumble inside. He's going to do his dam best to try and help Aziraphale through it. Speaking softly, ("the bookshop burned down... remember?) slowly and carefully, gradually helping to pull the angel back to reality, reminding him that he's there and will help ground him.

They get on the bus, and sit next to each other. 11 years ago, they sat nearby but separated while Crowley begs Aziraphale to help him prevent the Apocalypse. Now they are sitting together. Both an act of reassurance and unity.

Crowley sits first, Aziraphale could so easily just sit across from him, behind or in front. But he chooses to sit right next to him. And hold his hand. Aziraphale desperately needs to be near to the *former* demon he loves, to hold him, to make sure they won't be separated.

In the book, their famous lines of "none of this would have worked out if you weren't, deep down, just a bit of a good person" and "just enough of a b*stard to be worth liking" came as Satan rose from the earth, as a goodbye in case they were destroyed.

Luckily, that didn't happen and they survived. Armaggedon was stopped. But the angel is still so anxious of losing Crowley. So he chooses to reach out, to anchor himself and reassure himself that Crowley is still there beside him and that they are okay, at least for a few minutes.

And Crowley let him. He knows how badly Aziraphale needs him, he needs the angel just as much. He knows how badly he craved an anchor and support system as he was first abused and traumatized by his Fall, then further by Hell. So he's going to continue being there for Aziraphale, doing everything he can to make his angel feel safe and comfortable.

Over the next few years, Aziraphale would become so much more comfortable reaching out and touching Crowley. Leaning into him, resting a hand on his shoulder or briefly touching his chest. Somehow both reassuring himself that the former demon was still there, and reminding Crowley that he's still there for him at the same time.

Then Crowley becomes more comfortable with the touch, leaning into the angel by himself. No longer flinching at a sudden graze of a hand or reassuring squeeze.

That one moment of the two holding hands on the bus cemented so much of their relationship. "The last few years, not really..." all started on that bus the moment Aziraphale chose to sit down next to Crowley.

edited: at first this said "new knowledge" because I just found out about this all the other day, and wrote this up at 3 AM, and didn't really fact check when this knowledge became well known. I've only really been a GO fan since maybe 2021, and only really started being active in the fandom during the last few months, so a lot of info that is fairly well known is still generally new to me. soo yeah this was edited :)

source for anyone asking for it!

[lxkeee]

TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN

-PART FOUR

Pairing: Lucifer Morningstar x Seraphim Angel! Fem! Reader

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Genre: Angst (for now)

Warnings: Daddy issues.

Notes: this is a long one, 3k ish words lol.

PART THREE | PART FIVE | NAVIGATION

A month before the extermination happens, Charlie Morningstar, the princess of hell was sighing by the railings of the second floor balcony and overlooking the lobby of the hotel. So many things inside her mind, so many problems that she's not sure what to act on first. Her girlfriend is a former exorcist but she and Vaggie already talked it out so I guess that's one problem out of the way, Adam is bringing an entire legion of exorcists and they will be coming for her hotel first, and she has a half angel brother who seems to not like her!

Charlie sighed, running her hands through her scalp, feeling the strands of her blonde locks with her fingertips.

She stared at the balcony by the hallway of the second floor of the hotel, seeing the others renovate the hotel so that it'll be fit for battle. Charlie leans on the railings, looking down as they work. Unaware that Vaggie was approaching her from behind.

“So, when are you going to tell your dad?” Vaggie asked, making the blonde haired girl jump in surprise, “Ah fuck! You scared me...” Charlie says, placing a hand over her fast beating heart—from the surprise.

Vaggie muttered a quick apology and stood next to her, Charlie sighs.

“I don't know Vaggie, I still can't wrap my head around the knowledge that... I have a half angel brother in heaven.” Charlie says softly, eyes downcast and her shoulders hunched. Vaggie's eyes softened, placing a hand on her girlfriend's shoulder.

“Dad didn't even tell me about it. Does this mean he had another wife aside from mom?” Charlie says sadly, starting to wonder if her dad cheated. The question is on who? Who's the first wife? She shakes her head, guilty for thinking that way about her own father.

Charlie can still recall how the older boy that was supposed to be her brother looked at her with such hostility in his [e/c] eyes despite the smile on his face, the tinge of sarcasm hidden by the gentleness of his voice as he spoke to her and Emily. It was unnerving to see such facial expressions on someone who is carrying the face of their father and it was directed at her.

“I am sure your dad had a reason why he didn't tell you, he probably didn't know.” Vaggie muttered softly beside her. Charlie sighs and nodded. Perhaps Vaggie is right, she needed to speak to her father to know the truth.

Charlie's eyes landed on Husk and Angel Dust who are busy hammering extra wood to the walls, the two men seem to be getting closer these days. It puts a smile on the girl's face.

“He probably does.” Charlie says with a forced smile, finally looking at Vaggie. “I'll go and speak to him about this, I want to tell him or hear him speak the truth.” she says softly, rubbing her hands together nervously at the thought of confronting her father.

Vaggie smiled at her, proud that her girlfriend is determined despite being so nervous about it. Vaggie patted the girl's shoulder comfortingly, “I am sure that it'll go well babe.” she says and Charlie nodded, “I hope so.”

Lucifer expected to have a fun father-daughter hangout when Charlie called him that morning telling him that she'll be visiting as she wanted to talk to him. What he didn't expect to see such a worried look on his daughter's face, slight bags underneath her eyes when he opened the door to the palace for her.

His father's instinct immediately kicked in as he sensed that something was bothering or worrying her.

The grin on his face lowered as he gently placed a hand over the girl's shoulder, ushering her inside the palace. They walked the hallways of their home, towards the living room where the father and daughter sat down on the couch. “Charlie, sweetheart. It seems like there's a lot on your mind right now. Do you want to talk about it...?” Lucifer asked softly before clearing his throat, laughing awkwardly. Of course she wants to talk about it, she really called you that she'll be visiting as she wanted to tell him something!

“I mean, hahaha of course you want to talk about it that's why you visited.” he says awkwardly in-between chuckles and Charlie just smiled, a small chuckle escaping her lips before letting out a tired sigh.

Lucifer's chuckles die down as his eyes soften as he looks at his daughter, he wonders how her meeting with heaven went. Did she meet the seven virtues? Or did she meet with Sera?

To this day, Lucifer still doesn't know who the seventh virtue is as the last time he had a meeting with them, they were absent—had some important matters to deal with on earth at that time, he does know the angel goes by the name Raphael. He hopes that it was Sera, despite knowing the said woman is... Eh... Still a bad choice but might as well choose the lesser evil or strict.

“Dad..?” Charlie softly calls out to him, avoiding his gaze. Lucifer's thoughts were cut off as he heard his daughter's voice call out to him, “Yes...?” he spoke softly.

Charlie took a deep breath, mentally preparing for this conversation. It's now or never.

“Dad, do I have a brother?” Charlie asked softly, voice shaking slightly.

That single question made his ears ring, countless thoughts running on his mind. A brother? What did she mean by that? He thought, nervous.

He looked at Charlie in confusion, clearly not knowing what she was talking about, “I'm sorry, what? What do you mean Charlie?” he asked softly and worriedly, his first thought is that his twin brother might've gotten married and had a son without him knowing and since he and Michael share the same face, he assumes Charlie met Michael's son or something.

Charlie looked at him, genuinely surprised that her father doesn't seem to know what she was talking about. Her dad doesn't know.

“I met someone up there dad, he told me he was my half sibling and told me we shared the same father. If only you could see the coldness in his eyes dad, how his eyes got colder when he talked about you.” Charlie says softly, squeezing her hands tightly. Her body trembling slightly in frustration.

Lucifer's eyes widened in revelation, his heart thumping against his ribcage like a drum. It can't be... He thought to himself, his hand moving towards his lips in disbelief.

Don't tell me I left [y/n] while she was pregnant. I didn't even know she was pregnant!

He thought in horror, his skin turning paler at the thought. [Y/n], his first wife, his first love. He abandoned her for Lilith. He wonders if she was planning on telling him but didn't as he barely went home to her as he spent most of his time at the Garden of Eden.

Guilt. So much guilt.

After his fall he didn't stop thinking about her, regretting the choices he had made. Ending up burying his affections for his first wife as he knows he will be no longer seeing her again. Despite marrying Lilith, having Charlie, somewhere deep in his heart lies the love he still has for [y/n] that he chose to extinguish but very stubborn for him to kill the passionate fire for her.

Remembering her name is enough for tears to trickle down his cheeks, the teardrop passing by the red circles of his cheek.

Charlie looked at her father worriedly, he was silent for a few minutes and suddenly tears were streaming down his face.

“Dad...? Are you okay...?” she asked softly and worriedly, taking out her handkerchief from her breast pocket and wiped her father's tears away. This single act made Lucifer remember something, a distant memory when he was still in heaven.

“Do not cry my beloved, you know the elders are just like that. They are too closed minded to listen to new ideas, too scared to listen to your wonderful and beautiful ideas for creation.” [y/n]'s cooed softly at him, hand holding a handkerchief as she wiped his tears away after getting scolded by the elders. He was sobbing on her shoulders, upset about what happened but his wife is there, his wonderful wife always ready to comfort him.

“Promise that you won't leave me okay?” he asked in-between sniffles and [y/n] smiles and placed a kiss on his forehead, “I promise. You better promise to not abandon me too.” she says with a giggle and he nodded, locking their pinkies together in a promise, the wedding ring on their ring fingers shimmering against the radiant rays of the sun.

He broke that promise. He left her, he left her alone with their son.

That made more tears stream down on his cheeks, Charlie trying to calm him down and Lucifer sniffled and muttered a small thanks to her, opting to take the handkerchief and wipe his own tears away.

“No, but I will be.” he said, his voice raspy. He avoided his daughter's eyes, too embarrassed and guilty to look at her. “Did he tell you his name...?” he asked weakly and Charlie nodded, “Xavier Caeles.” she answered softly and his heart broke even more. Why wouldn't it? The last name is something he recognized, it's his first wife's last name. Caeles, which means heaven.

A single teardrop runs down his cheek. A smile filled with guilt was plastered on his beautiful face.

The realization that he was never there for his son, their son all throughout his life. Filled him with unimaginable guilt. He was never there for [y/n] nor there for his son, Xavier. What does he look like? Does he have the same features as him or is he a perfect combination between him and [y/n]?

Forget it, he hopes his son has [y/n]'s face, just imagining the pain the boy goes through every time he looks at a mirror and sees his face. Somewhere in Lucifer's heart knows that the boy, probably hates himself. He hopes he is wrong.

With a shaky breath, he gave Charlie a weak smile, “Xavier huh?” he says with a pained chuckle. His red orbs are downcast, filled with guilt. He doesn't even know the boy as he's absent from his life, [y/n] had to raise him alone and it's her first time being a mother too. He should've been there, he should've listened and stopped being so selfish and stubborn.

Charlie looks at him worriedly, placing a hand over his shoulder for comfort. “I hope you won't get offended by this dad but did you... Cheat on mom...?” she asked softly, he shook his head no.

“No... I didn't, not on your mother but... Your mother isn't my first wife...” he says softly, ashamed in admitting it. He didn't cheat on Lilith, he cheated on [y/n] with Lilith. He was such a fool. “I cheated on my first wife with your mother...” he says, voice cracking, “My actions cannot be excused but it is something I deeply regret and still do.” he added, wiping his tears away.

The gears on Charlie's head started moving, processing his words. Her dad married someone before her mom.

“... Why...?” she asks softly, squeezing his hands, Lucifer avoiding his daughter's eyes, “Your mother is such an amazing woman and I couldn't help but be mesmerized by her and in return, my feelings for my first wife were overshadowed by it.” he explained softly, guilt evident on his voice. His voice cracking, almost a whisper.

Charlie's eyes softened, her thumbs rubbing circles on her father's hand, “Do... Do you still love her...?” she asked softly.

Yes, he still does. He misses her every single day, a ghost of his past that is constantly haunting him, haunting him of his wrong choices in life.

With choked sobs, Lucifer nodded, “Yes, I still do...” he admits softly and Charlie smiles, even though it hurts to see her family split, she can move on. Her mother has already left and Charlie believes that her father deserves a second chance and she wishes that Xavier would get a second chance at happiness.

“I hope you'll get a chance to make things right, dad. You owe it to him, to them.” Charlie says softly, hugging the crying man.

“I hope I'll get that chance, Charlie... I owe it to them.” Lucifer whispers softly. Clenching his fists that he placed on his lap.

Xavier waited patiently for his mother to wake up, his mom just returned from work yesterday and is currently resting. He would've shared the tea with her if he didn't know any better but since he knows how tiring work in the human world is, he decided to let his mother rest. He doesn't want to add more to her plate.

Xavier took it upon himself to prepare breakfast, cooking some waffles and bacon for him and his mother.

Brewing her some coffee, he knows she loves it when he makes her coffee. Grabbing two white mugs to prepare the espresso shots, steaming some milk while he's at it too.

Finally done, he prepares the table, grabbing the white ceramic plates with gold accents and the spoon and fork made of gold. Arranging them on the table.

Now he waits.

[Y/n] soon emerged from the door to the dining room, already dressed up for the day. A flowy pastel purple dress that reaches her knees, her hair nearly brushed and styled.

Xavier got up from his seat on the table and approached his mother, giving the older woman a kiss on the cheek. “Good morning mother, I hope you were able to rest well last night.” he says softly and [y/n] giggles and places a gentle kiss on her son's forehead.

“I did my sweet sunshine,” she says with a smile, her eyes sparkling in happiness as she finally notices the breakfast that was already displayed on the dining table.

“Oh my! You already made breakfast? How sweet, thank you my sunshine.” she says with a small smile, her voice soft as she gently ruffles the boy's hair.

The mother and son duo sat across each other on the dining table, enjoying the dinner that Xavier had prepared.

Xavier was nervous, unsure how to talk about what happened a few days ago.

[Y/n] being a mother she is, sensed that something is bothering her son. Gently placing down the golden utensils onto the plate, the golden utensils making small clinking sounds as she did so. Lifting her head up away from the plate, she looked at Xavier worriedly.

“Is there something worrying you, my dear?” she asked softly and worriedly and Xavier sighed and nodded.

With a deep breath, he calms down his fast racing heart. “A few days ago... I met... Lucifer's... Daughter...” he says with a small whisper.

[Y/n] freezes up, it's been awhile since she last heard that name, the very man that kept haunting her, the man she kept looking for at every person she meets. Even after all these years, she never forgot him nor stopped loving him, despite the pain he has given her.

With a forced smile, she looked at Xavier, “Really? As expected.” she says softly with a smile but Xavier can see the pain in her eyes, it breaks his heart every time.

“You still love him, don't you...?” he asked her softly, already knowing the answer as she told him the answer before. Though, he doesn't know the reason why his mother never moved on.

“You already know but yes, yes I still do.” she says softly, her voice cracking. Xavier's eyes softened, placing down his own golden utensils onto his plate, the utensils clinking against the ceramic, the sound echoing off the white walls of the mansion that they call home.

“But why mother? Forgive me for being too forward but why do you keep holding on to him knowing how much pain he gives you unknowingly?” he asked softly, his voice cracking in emotions, desperate to know the reason why his mother loved the man so much.

[Y/n] took a deep breath, looking at his son's eyes, she has one reason why and she thinks it's time for him to know.

“Because my love for him is unconditional. Even though he broke my heart, I'll still love him because my heart is only his to break which is pathetic. My love for your father is never conditional, he could be off being happy to an another woman and I'll still love him, even if it hurts.” she explained softly and sadly and Xavier's heart breaks listening to her explanation, to her reason.

Despite him hating his father, hating his appearance. He yearns for fatherly love, he yearns for a complete family and he envies Charlie for having something that he wants to experience.

“Is that really your reason, mother?” he asked softly and she nodded, “I still love him, Xavier... I still really do.” she whispers softly.

“I understand, mother... Thank you for telling me.” he says in a whisper and [y/n] smiled weakly at him, “I am sorry for not being enough, I know that you yearn for a complete family and I wish I could provide you that but my commitment to your father is unchanging.” she says, ashamed.

She really wished that her stupid heart would stop loving the man who abandoned her and their son but it is too stubborn to let go. She tried therapy, she tried look for someone new and it all failed.

Lucifer held such a tight grip on her heart and just like she said, he can continue to break her heart and she won't stop loving him. But even so, she doesn't know how she'll react if she ever sees him again. Will she be scared? Will she have another panic attack in seeing him again? Will she freeze on the spot? Or will she run into his arms like nothing happened?

She didn't need to say it, anyone can tell that she developed major abandonment issues after her ex-husband left her. Constantly worried if she's doing okay, afraid that people will leave her if she's incompetent.

She even wonders if that was the reason he left, was she not doing enough as his wife? Was she that easily replaceable?

Xavier shakes his head, seeing his mother's distress face, standing up from his seat and takes a seat next to her mother, cupping his mother's face with his hands, his thumbs wiping away her tears.

“No, mother... You're more than enough... I love you more than anything.” he says softly and kisses his mother's forehead.

“I love you too, my sweet child... Thank you for being such an amazing son of mine.” she says softly to him, giving Xavier a small smile, telling her about the extermination can wait, he doesn't want to add more to her problems.

TAGLIST:

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[daz4i]

me when someone talks abt lucifer's canon and even refers to certain parts of the bible but is clearly talking about the one from paradise lost 

hope I'm not just a blog for you but also a place to read passionate yet unimportant opinions about niche elements of the lore of abrahamic religions as well

[edenesth]

TWTHH Spinoff: Little Touch of Heaven [2]

Pairing: physician!Yunho x herbalist!reader

AU: historical au (Joseon era)

Word Count: 8.1k

Summary: Dedicating his life to his work, Yunho had never bothered to entertain the idea of settling down. Despite encountering many charming women throughout his career, none had sparked his desire for companionship. But everything shifted when he met a certain herbalist whose medicinal knowledge seemed to surpass even his own. What began as mere intrigue might have gradually developed into affection.

Part 1 | Main Story | Spinoff Masterlist

"Yep, you definitely have a crush on her," Jongho's voice startled the physician as he appeared soundlessly by the entrance of the House of Lotus just as Yunho finished recounting what happened to the general. His wife listened patiently beside him, her smile knowing.

"What—hey! Have you been eavesdropping this entire time? That's rude. This is a private and confidential conversation between the couple and myself," the doctor stammered, feeling embarrassed beyond belief. He couldn't believe he had been foolish enough to think this could actually stay between him and Lady Park. At this point, the whole estate was going to find out.

"You seem oddly defensive, Physician Jung. That just further proves you are flustered and that you do indeed like Miss Ryu. Besides, I don't see anything private and confidential about that story. Sounds more like your desperate attempt to save face," the assistant retorted in his usual clever tone as he entered the room, having received a nod of approval from his master.

Yunho let out a defeated sigh, realising that while he might stand a chance at winning an argument with Hongjoong, the same couldn't be said for Jongho. The assistant could be merciless and would stop at nothing to have the last word. Glaring at the younger man, he muttered, "Yes, yes. Just you wait until your turn comes. I'd like to see how cool you are when you meet the girl of your dreams."

"Don't worry, that'll never happen," Jongho answered, his tone smug.

With a shake of his head, Seonghwa straightened up, "He's right, Yunho. Even the blind can tell you have a crush. But what is it, Jongho? Did something come up?"

The assistant nodded, "Yes, Royal Secretary Choi is here with the latest reports and minutes of the past week's assemblies. He's waiting for you in the study, unless you'd like me to bring him here too."

Choking on his tea, the doctor stared up at him, bewildered, "And why the hell would you do that? It's enough that you two already know about this, now you want the royal secretary to hear about it too?"

At that, the general and his wife burst into giggles. Finally satisfied and deciding not to tease the poor guy any further, Seonghwa pushed himself off his seat, "Have a little mercy on him, gosh," he said, turning to his wife and pressing a kiss onto her head, "You ladies continue. I'll see you later, my love."

"This is how you repay me for treating your wife," Yunho grumbled.

Pausing at the entrance of the room, the general softened and turned around, "You know, it's nice to see this side of you. This Miss Ryu must be pretty amazing to make you like this, I approve of her already. Make sure you invite us to the wedding," he said before leaving with Jongho.

"W-wedding? I don't even think she likes me at all. If anything, she probably hates me after what happened," the physician sighed.

Lady Park smiled reassuringly, a hand stroking her baby bump as she spoke, "I disagree. She did agree to teach you about herbs, tried to save you from your fall, and was even kind enough to bring you a change of clothes when she could have left you be."

"So, you think she likes me back?" His eyes brightened with hope.

She considered her words carefully before responding, "Hmm, not necessarily."

His disappointment was palpable as he slumped slightly, "My lady, please don't confuse me further."

With a gentle chuckle, the mistress clarified, "What I mean is that she probably does not hate you at all. Sure, you were a little clumsy around her, but that's not nearly enough to make her hate you. There's a chance she might grow to like you back. Don't be too dejected, Yunho; there's still hope."

God, I sure hope so.

Meanwhile, your parents hadn't stopped talking about the physician since that day. Your father eagerly handed over one of his many spare outfits kept at the store for emergencies, finally putting it to good use after Yunho's fall left his clothes soaked. You recalled trying your hardest to keep a straight face as the tall man emerged in your father's hanbok, which was slightly too short for him, ending above his ankles and making him look rather ridiculous.

"Right, well, I still have much left to do today. I don't think I'll be able to finish in time if I have to teach you. Perhaps you should come back another day, Physician Jung."

That wasn't a lie.

It wasn't that you were angry with him or anything; you could tell he was remorseful with his endless apologies. You could imagine the embarrassment he was feeling, and you didn't really blame him, but you genuinely wanted to finish up with your Sophora root harvesting, which you had obviously failed to even begin thanks to him. So you would really appreciate it if he could come back some other time for his session.

"Of course, Miss Ryu. Again, I'm so sorry—"

You lifted a hand to stop him with a shake of your head, "It's fine. Now if you'll excuse me, I really have no time to talk."

It had been a few days since then.

According to your father, Yunho had left somewhat dejectedly after purchasing a good amount of those Chinese herbs you'd recommended for Lady Park. You supposed that meant they were effective, and you were just glad you had been able to help.

"Sunshine, you must have been too blunt. You'll scare him away like that, and you shouldn't because he's such a good guy. For all we know, this could be the start of something great," your mother said as she handed you a bowl of congee for breakfast.

You rolled your eyes in response, "Oh my god, mother. You've been saying that for the past few days. I heard you the first time."

Just as you were about to start eating, she smacked you on the arm, scolding, "Then why won't you reflect on yourself and change? You really want to give me high blood pressure, don't you?"

"Ow!" you rubbed your arm, pouting at her, "What do you want me to do? It's not my fault he hasn't shown up yet. Besides, if that was all it took to scare him away, then maybe he's not the one," you said before making a face when you realised what you'd just said, "More importantly, nothing is going on between us. He's only coming to learn more about herbs and improve as a medical practitioner. Seems to me like you and father are making a fuss out of nothing."

Your father sighed as he took a seat across from you, "Listen, sunshine. I can tell he likes you. It was evident in his behaviour that day. He's usually so composed, but he seemed genuinely flustered."

After hastily finishing the congee, you chuckled and set your bowl down, "Come on, father. You've only ever been in one relationship. Since when are you an expert in this department?" you teased before growing serious and wiping your mouth clean.

"And for the last time, my dearest father and mother, the two people I love most in the world, can you please respect my wishes? I won't be able to continue seeing Physician Jung if you keep making things weird like this. I've made my stance on marriage very clear. I'm not interested, and I still am not. I've finally found a friend who shares my passion for herbs, and I want to keep things that way. Please don't make me regret it."

As you spoke those honest words, a stunned silence filled the room. Your parents exchanged glances, their expressions shifting from surprise to realisation. They had always admired your patience, your selflessness, and your unwavering dedication to your family. But in their pursuit of what they thought was best for you, they had overlooked your desires and feelings.

Your father's eyes softened, and he reached out to gently squeeze your hand, "Sunshine, we never meant to make you feel uncomfortable or pressured. We only wanted what we thought was best for you, but we see now that we may have been misguided."

Your mother nodded, her voice trembling with emotion, "You've always been so selfless. We should have listened to your wishes instead of imposing our own desires onto you. We're truly sorry."

Seeing the genuine remorse in their eyes, your heart softened. While you understood their actions were driven by good intentions, they may not have realised that their approach inadvertently caused you more distress than anything. You were just relieved they were willing to listen to you and acknowledge their mistake.

"It's okay, father, mother," you said softly, giving their hands a reassuring squeeze, "I know you only want what's best for me. Let's learn from this and move forward together."

"Here goes nothing," Yunho muttered under his breath as the apothecary came into view. This would be his first appearance since the embarrassing last impression he had left, and he was determined to salvage it. Holding his breath, he stepped into the store, expecting to see Mr. Ryu alone at his counter as usual. However, he was surprised to find you dressed more formally than usual, appearing to be preparing to go somewhere.

Upon hearing his entrance, you turned to face him with a raised brow, "Oh, you're here. I'm sorry, but I won't be able to teach you today. Our foreign medicine supplier has arrived, and I have to go to the ship dock to collect our latest batch of orders."

The physician felt like he could finally breathe again, relieved by your casual reaction to his presence. Perhaps Lady Park was right; you weren't angry with him nor did you hate him. Smiling, he reassured you, "Oh, it's alright. I understand. I can come back another day. Are you going with Mr. Ryu then? Will the shop be closing?"

You shook your head, "Oh no, not at all. It's just me. My father remains here, and business will go on as usual. He's at the back of the store; he'll be here soon if you wish to speak with him."

She's going alone? To the dock?

"I... uh, I'm just wondering, is it really safe for you to go alone? Places like that are often crowded with men. And how will you manage to carry all those supplies by yourself?" he asked, his worry evident.

With a smirk, you replied, "Are you underestimating me, Physician Jung? Do you truly believe it's my first time handling this? I appreciate your concern, but I assure you, I'll manage just fine."

Right on cue, your father emerged from the back of the store, "Ah, you've come, Physician Jung! Are you here for another session with my daughter? She may have already mentioned her plans for today, but perhaps you could accompany her."

Before Yunho could respond, you firmly shook your head, "There's no need for that, father. I'm certain he's a very busy man and probably has better things to do than accompany me to the dock."

The physician quickly interjected, "No, I don't. That's why I'm here today. I don't mind going with you. It could be a valuable experience, and I might learn something from it too," he reasoned.

You sighed, not oblivious to the knowing grin your father was sending the taller man. With a roll of your eyes, you motioned for him to follow, "Suit yourself. Come along then, there's no time to waste."

As the two of you set out towards the ship dock in town, his tall frame loomed beside you, serving the fantastic purpose of shielding you from the glaring sun. Breaking the silence, you ventured, "So, I'm assuming the Codonopsis roots and Colla Corii Asini were effective in helping Lady Park feel better? Since you got more on your last visit."

He beamed, nodding in agreement, "Oh, yes! They really were. I was planning to tell you about it on my last visit, but, well, you know..." He trailed off, trying to move past the incident before continuing, "But yes, they did wonders. Her morning sickness and fatigue improved immensely soon after taking only the first batch. If we continue to administer this, she should be able to get through the first three months with ease. And I... I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you so much, Miss Ryu."

You smiled, feeling a warmth spread in your heart at the knowledge that your expertise had been put to good use, that you had been of help. Moments like these made you feel as though all the hard work you had put into studying had paid off; the sense of accomplishment was truly remarkable. With a nonchalant shrug, you responded earnestly, "Just doing my job."

Becoming increasingly intrigued by the conversation about medicine, he eagerly delved further, "I've been pondering it, and I'm still astounded by your depth of knowledge, even in foreign herbs. Frankly, I believe you surpass some senior experts in the field. It may be impertinent of me to ask, but... what's your secret?"

With a soft laugh, you shook your head, "Sometimes, there are aspects that textbooks and conventional lessons fail to impart. That's why hands-on experience is crucial. There's no secret to my knowledge; I simply allow my curiosity to guide me and take the initiative to delve deeper beyond the fundamentals. You'll see firsthand in just a moment. Perhaps it's good you came."

Just when he thought his admiration for you had reached its peak, you consistently proved him wrong. Beyond your shared passion for medicinal knowledge, there was an intangible quality that distinguished you from other women he had met. You exuded confidence in yourself, not in a brash manner, nor did you conform to the typical feminine archetype attempting to win his favour. Instead, you were authentically yourself. Every action you took reflected your unique personality, which he found irresistibly appealing.

Where have you been all this while?

He couldn't fathom that you had been so close yet remained unknown to him for all these years. As a devoted patron of your father's apothecary, he had frequented the establishment without ever realising that you were nearby, just behind the store's walls. He couldn't be more grateful to fate for allowing him to finally cross paths with you.

"Woah, watch your step!" Your warning snapped him out of his thoughts as you pulled him close, narrowly avoiding a hole in the uneven road. You slapped him on the arm and said, "Please pay attention to where you're going. The roads here won't be as well-paved as the ones in the city, since we're now on the outskirts. Come on and stay close; we're almost there."

With a chuckle, he rubbed his arm and playfully saluted, "Yes, ma'am." He couldn't believe you had slapped him so casually; no one had ever done that. His heart fluttered at the interaction, realising that's what he liked so much about you. Since day one, you have been unpretentious. Around you, he felt comfortable enough to be himself again. There was no need to uphold the image of the perfect physician everyone knew him to be. He could be silly, clumsy, a mess, and you'd never make him feel bad about it.

As you arrived at the ship dock, Yunho's sense of wonder was palpable. The place bustled with activity, just as he had anticipated, mostly with men who appeared to be merchants conducting exchanges or, like yourself, collecting orders directly from suppliers. He made sure to stay close to you, feeling reassured when you took hold of his wrist to guide him through the crowd towards your destination.

"First time here?" you smirked, noting his slightly overwhelmed expression, to which he nodded hesitantly, "Y-yes."

You snickered, "Figures. Just stick with me, and you'll be fine."

He nervously bit his lip, "Yeah, I'm not going anywhere without you. Don't worry."

"See that ship right at the end?" you asked, pointing towards one of the largest vessels in the area as you both approached it. He nodded in acknowledgement.

"That's our supplier, kind of a family business," you explained, "The Guo family from China has been in this trade for years. They're known to grow their own herbs and supply them all over the region."

You smirked as the familiar face of Madam Guo came into view, "And there's the lady boss who handles customers while the boss checks the stocks. Don't worry, she's actually the owner's wife, so you won't embarrass yourself like you did before again," you teased, playfully reminding him of his previous mistake, which flustered him.

"Oh my god, it was one mistake—"

A new voice chimed in as you both reached the ship, "Ah, my dearest Miss Ryu!" The woman exclaimed with a thick Chinese accent as she stepped forward to embrace you. You chuckled, returning the hug, "It's lovely to see you again, Madam Guo."

"And who might this handsome young man be? Finally got yourself a chaperone, I see," Madam Guo asked, her playful tone evident as she wiggled her brows.

You scoffed in disbelief, "Him, a chaperone? More like the other way around. But anyway, he's a friend, or perhaps an apprentice, whichever works. He's a physician here to learn more about herbs."

Did she just call me her friend...?

"Y-yes, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Madam Guo. My name is Jung Yunho, and I'm a physician just as Miss Ryu said," he greeted, bowing respectfully, doing everything to remain composed and hide the fact that he was dying on the inside.

The middle-aged woman grinned knowingly, "Nice to meet you too, Physician Jung. But is that really all you are? What a shame, you two would make a cute couple."

While he sputtered like a fool, you snorted and gestured for her to focus, "Please, let's get down to business."

"Of course, sweetie. Follow me," she said, throwing a teasing wink at Yunho before wrapping an arm around you and leading you towards the bags of supplies lined up in front of the ship, "So, how are your parents doing, Miss Ryu?" As you engaged with the woman, the doctor couldn't shake her words from his mind. 'A cute couple' — he liked that idea more than he cared to admit. If only it could come true, he wouldn't mind being mistaken for a couple with you.

The bond between you and Yunho strengthened significantly after your eventful joint excursion to the ship dock. He proved to be quite helpful, offering to carry the supplies you had collected.

However, it was an incident during your return to the apothecary that truly changed your perception of him. As you passed by an injured man involved in a carriage accident, his demeanour shifted instantly. With remarkable professionalism, he attended to the wounded man, showcasing his expertise and skill. It was a side of him you hadn't seen before, and in that moment, you couldn't help but feel a newfound admiration for him.

For the first time, he embodied the charismatic and excellent Physician Jung who was widely praised by the townspeople. You finally understood why he had earned such acclaim for his expertise.

While you had grown confident enough to consider him a good friend, the doctor, on the other hand, was grappling with his feelings for you. After each session, he would return to the general's estate seeking advice from the mistress on the best approach to pursue you without being too forward. Despite his desire to openly court you, he wanted to ensure that your feelings were mutual before making any moves, fearing he might scare you away.

Following Lady Park's suggestion, he opted for a more gradual approach, using the opportunity to learn about herbs as a means to get to know you better, and vice versa. By taking things slowly, he hoped to foster mutual feelings between you.

As he prepared to enjoy his lunch break at his clinic, he couldn't help but smile at the thought of spending the evening with you. Tonight's session held particular significance as you would be teaching him how to harvest specific nighttime herbs for optimal quality. It promised to be a new and exciting experience, and he was just happy about the opportunity to share it with you.

"What's got you smiling like a creep?"

Just like that, the sound of an annoyingly familiar voice sliced through the doctor's pleasant mood like a knife, abruptly snapping him out of his reverie. His smile vanished as soon as he locked eyes with the dressmaker. With an exasperated sigh and a roll of his eyes, he responded, "What do you want, Kim Hongjoong?"

Yunho held his breath momentarily, his mind racing with anxious thoughts. What if Seonghwa had betrayed him and told his friend everything about Miss Ryu? What if Hongjoong was here to tease him after finding out? Oh god, his life would be over—

But to his surprise, the older man's expression was one of genuine distress as he took a seat across from the physician, "Look, ugh... I never thought I'd say this, but I need your help. Can you lend me an ear? I'm... well, I'm in a bit of a situation."

What started as a brief lunchtime conversation stretched into half a day, with the dressmaker pouring out his heart about his latest client, the enigmatic Miss Baek, whom he clearly harboured feelings for. By the end of their exchange, though a bit flustered that Hongjoong had caught wind of his recent visits to Ryu's Apothecary and your presence there, he was simply relieved to have managed to extricate himself from the conversation in time to close up shop. But one thing was certain; any fleeting relief Yunho felt at the general's discretion evaporated instantly.

Of course, Seonghwa told him everything.

Relieved to see the dressmaker finally departing from his clinic, the physician wasted no time in packing up his belongings and closing the shop. If only Hongjoong hadn't taken up so much of his time with his endless chatter, Yunho would have already been on his way to the apothecary. He cursed the talkative man for being so long-winded; he had worked hard to gain your trust, and he didn't want to jeopardise it again due to tardiness.

"Ugh, I hope that Miss Baek continues to give him a hard time. If I end up late because of him, he's going to pay," the doctor grumbled to himself as he hurried out of his clinic and towards your store. While part of him knew you wouldn't mind him being slightly late, he didn't want you to be okay with it. He wanted to be a man of his word, to be someone you could trust.

Arriving promptly, Yunho found Mr. Ryu in the midst of closing up. The elderly man's face lit up at the sight of the taller man, "Ah, Physician Jung, right on time! She's in the back, as usual, waiting for you. Now, it'll be late by the time you two finish up. I'm trusting you to escort her home after your session, is that alright?"

Yunho straightened up and bowed respectfully, "Of course, Mr. Ryu! Don't worry, I'll ensure she gets home safely."

"Very well then, I'm leaving her in your hands," the apothecary said with a teasing wink, "You've got this."

Feeling a flush of warmth in his cheeks, Yunho waved your father goodbye, understanding the elderly man's implication. It wasn't a secret that your parents wished for you to settle down, and they had made it clear on more than one occasion that the doctor had their approval. The only remaining factor was you and your feelings.

"Oh hey, there you are," you greeted warmly from your usual spot amidst the plantation, a natural smile gracing your features as you met his gaze. It was a smile that stirred something in his heart, though he kept that to himself, "Before you come over, could you please grab me a pair of harvesting scissors and the herb stripper?"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied with a salute, already accustomed to your directives. By now, he was familiar with most of the tools on your rack. Over the past few sessions, he had made an effort to acquaint himself with the intricacies of your work, determined to be helpful even as he continued to learn. Besides, he wanted you to know that you could rely on him, and that he could shoulder some of your burdens. He wanted you to see him the way he saw you.

"Thank you," you murmured, taking the tools from him and feeling him settle beside you. Your hands immediately got to work, launching into an automatic lecture tone as your focus zeroed in on the four moon garden herbs you would be harvesting tonight: the White Coneflower, the Lavender, the Culinary Sage, and the Silver Queen.

"Beautiful," he whispered, his gaze fixed on your side profile illuminated by the moonlight and the surrounding lamps instead of the herbs. It was the first time he had seen you in this soft, dim light, and you looked truly ethereal, the atmosphere lending an intimate and romantic feel to the moment.

Oblivious to his stare, you smiled in response, "They are exquisite, aren't they? Sometimes it pains me to have to harvest them. But they serve a greater purpose than just sitting here and looking pretty."

"Well, I believe that's what adds to their beauty, wouldn't you agree? The fact that they serve a purpose beyond mere aesthetics," he remarked, subtly hinting at his admiration for your depth and substance. To him, you were more than just a pretty face, and he found that incredibly appealing.

Noticing a stray strand of hair framing your face, he instinctively reached out to tuck it behind your ear. You tensed at his touch, turning to meet his gaze, and in that moment, he realised what he had just done. Clearing his throat nervously, he stammered, "I-I was just trying to help. It looked like it was bothering you."

You nodded, trying to mask the fluttering sensation in your chest at his gesture. He was probably just being polite, you reasoned with yourself, but you couldn't deny the allure of his presence in the soft glow of the moonlight. Quickly refocusing on your task, you blinked and responded, "Oh, umm... thank you. I appreciate it."

The tension in the air was palpable as you finished the remainder of tonight's session, the atmosphere heavy with unspoken words and newfound awareness. It was as if a shift had occurred, leaving you both acutely conscious of each other's presence in a way that hadn't been there before.

As you locked up the apothecary for the night, the physician turned to you with a casual invitation, "Would you like to grab something to eat before heading home?" You paused, considering the offer. Your parents were likely done with dinner by now, so joining him wouldn't be a bad idea. With a nod, you replied, "Sure, let's go."

Despite his calm demeanour, a sense of anticipation fluttered in his chest as you walked side by side, his mind buzzing with excitement, "Come on, I know a stall that sells amazing black bean noodles," he suggested, leading the way with a smile.

Moments later, you were both seated at the stall, eagerly devouring the delicious noodles. With wide eyes, you exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, you weren't lying. This really is amazing." He chuckled at your enthusiasm before reaching over to wipe a stray noodle from the corner of your lips with his thumb, "You eat like a child, you know that?" he teased gently.

Your heart skipped a beat at his touch, and you couldn't help but feel a warmth spreading through you at his words. Despite your unladylike eating habits, he didn't seem to mind. At that moment, you found yourself imagining what it would be like to be with someone like him, and surprisingly, it didn't seem so bad at all. In fact, it felt quite nice to imagine being by his side — Jung Yunho.

Just when the physician felt confident about the progress between the two of you, just as he was considering broaching the topic of a potential courtship, an unexpected turn of events threw everything off course. An argument erupted during one of your recent sessions, escalating into a silent standoff that led to his prolonged absence.

It all began innocently enough, during one of your routine sessions. Feeling more at ease around you, he summoned the courage to ask, "I was wondering... do you know of any herbs that could heal or remove scars permanently?" Your response was a curious look, prompting him to elaborate, "I've been searching for solutions to fully eliminate Lady Park's scars for a while now, but to no avail. I've sought advice from others, but no one seems to have a solution. Given your extensive knowledge, I thought you might be aware of any foreign herbs that could help."

After pondering for a moment, you nodded slowly, "Actually, yes. There's a herb called the Gotu Kola. It's renowned for treating various conditions, particularly wounds and skin issues. There have been rare cases of it being used to heal scars." His hope surged until you added, "But... it's native to India and Indonesia, and there haven't been any imports of this herb so far."

"Oh... I see," he sighed dejectedly, his shoulders slumping.

Disheartened by his disappointment when he left your father's apothecary, you became determined to find a solution. After diligent inquiries among experts, you finally unearthed a crucial piece of information: the herb was indeed present in Joseon, though in limited quantities and not widely known.

"Really? The herb is here in Joseon? Where?" Yunho's spirits lifted upon hearing your update. However, all hope plummeted when you disclosed its location, "Apparently, an Indian traveller planted some on specific parts of the Naksan mountain some years ago. It thrives in the well-drained soil, moist position, and full sun exposure."

"The Naksan mountain...? Then it's practically inaccessible," he murmured, his earlier enthusiasm extinguished once more. You furrowed your brow, "What do you mean? Of course, it's possible. We could embark on a journey to find it ourselves. Where there's a will, there's a way."

He massaged his temples, "Do you have any idea how perilous trekking a mountain can be? We're not seasoned adventurers. We might not even survive the trek to the plant, let alone make it back in one piece. If it were so simple, don't you think someone would have already ventured there to harvest it and capitalise on it? There must be a reason it's not readily available here, don't you think?"

"Forget it, just... forget I asked," he implored.

But you persisted, adamant in your determination. You went out of your way to conduct thorough research, pinpoint the exact location of the herb and gather information on all the necessary essentials for the journey. Excitedly, you broached the topic once more, only to be met with a less-than-favourable response. Yunho sighed, squeezing his eyes shut, "Please, Miss Ryu, let's just drop it."

Frustrated by his reluctance, you erupted, "If you're a coward, just admit it. You sought a solution, and I've offered one. How can you give up so easily without even trying?"

"A coward...? Is fear the only thing you hear from me after everything I've said?" he retorted incredulously.

"Well, is it not?!" you challenged.

He scoffed, "Please, don't be stupid. You're not thinking clearly, and I don't see the point in arguing further. I've made my decision. We're not doing this, and that's final. It's just not feasible."

And since then, there had been no sight or sound of him. According to your father, he would drop by only for medication, never staying to see you. It had been a week since then, and if he thought his silent treatment would deter you, he was sorely mistaken. It only fueled your determination.

I'll prove you wrong, Jung Yunho.

Using the week to make all necessary preparations, you informed your parents that you would be venturing out to gather herbs. It was technically true, though you omitted certain details to avoid a lecture. You understood that they would worry, believing it to be dangerous, especially if you were going alone. However, you had always been independent, confident in your ability to handle things on your own.

You couldn't wait to see the look on the doctor's face as you presented him with the herb, the look on his face as you called him a coward, and even more so, the look on his face when he realised just how wrong he had been and how right you were.

As you began your journey, optimism fueled your steps. Everything unfolded smoothly, just as you had envisioned. With a trusty map in hand, you followed the right path, guided by determination. Kind passersby, fellow travellers or herb pickers like yourself, helped point you in the right direction when needed. All seemed well until the distant rumble of thunder and flashes of lightning pierced the air, causing your stomach to sink. But refusing to let it deter you, you pressed on toward your destination.

Goddamnit, not now please!

In your haste, you brushed against branches, tearing your hanbok fabric and leaving tiny cuts on your skin. At times like this, you couldn't help but think about the physician. Perhaps you missed having that gentle giant by your side. Pushing aside such thoughts, you focused on the task at hand. Despite the drizzle, you persevered and were determined to reach your goal.

Nearing the spot marked on the map, you muttered to yourself, "Come on, it should be around here somewhere." Scanning the surroundings for the distinct plant with fan-shaped green leaves and delicate flowers. But as the sky darkened and the rain intensified, it became increasingly difficult to see. Frustration bubbled up as you searched, muttering curses under your breath.

"Shit, shit, shit, where is it?"

In a moment of distraction, you failed to notice a sizable rock in your path, resulting in a twisted ankle and a painful fall. With a cry, you landed on the ground, scratching your palms as you shield your face. As you struggled to rise, the realisation of your predicament set in. Your ankle throbbed, swelling with each passing moment.

Oh god, how am I going to get out of here?

Desperate and defeated, you leaned against a rock, tears streaming down your face. Regret washed over you as you cursed your decision to go on this journey alone. Maybe Yunho had been right; perhaps you should have listened to him. Now, stranded and injured, you felt foolish and vulnerable. But as you looked around for something that could help you walk, a glimmer of hope emerged as you spotted a patch of what appeared to be Gotu Kola.

With trembling hands, you retrieved the rough sketch you had brought along, confirming your discovery with wide-eyed astonishment, "Oh my god, I finally found you," you whispered, a surge of determination rising within you once more.

Meanwhile, Yunho entered the apothecary with a heavy heart, closing his umbrella as he stepped into the shop to collect his usual batch of medicine for Lady Park. His concern deepened when he saw your father pacing anxiously, "Is everything alright, Mr. Ryu?" he inquired, furrowing his brows.

The elderly man looked up, relief flooding his features at the doctor's presence, "Oh, Physician Jung! Look, I'm not sure what's going on between you and my daughter, but please, you have to help find her!" he pleaded, his voice trembling with worry.

Yunho's heart squeezed uncomfortably at the urgency in the apothecary's voice, "Wh-what? What do you mean? Where did she go?" he asked, his own anxiety mounting.

Your father began to ramble, explaining that you had mentioned going out to pick herbs earlier in the day but hadn't specified a location, "She's been gone for more than half a day now, and it's raining heavily. I'm worried sick about her. What if something's happened?" he fretted.

The doctor's breath caught in his throat at the revelation. He could hazard a guess as to where you might have gone, but he needed confirmation, "I... I might have a clue where she went, but I need to check. Can I please see her work desk?" he requested urgently.

"Yes, of course. Anything to help you find her," Mr. Ryu agreed with a nod, desperation evident in his eyes.

Approaching your desk, Yunho wasted no time searching through your notes, where you meticulously recorded every discovery. His heart skipped a beat when he reached the final page, where a rough sketch of Naksan mountain with a red X marked a specific area, accompanied by the words 'Gotu Kola' scrawled above it.

Oh my god, I cannot believe this woman.

Shocked and alarmed, the physician knew he had to find you, and fast. The thought of anything happening to you filled him with dread. He couldn't bear the idea of something befalling you, especially since your actions were spurred by his own request. If only he hadn't broached the topic of finding a remedy for scars. If only he hadn't spoken to you so harshly. He couldn't shake the feeling that this was all his fault.

"I'll find her, Mr. Ryu. I promise, I'll make this right," he assured your father before setting out, clutching your notebook in his hands and carrying a bag of essentials the elderly man had helped pack. Braving the harsh wind and rain, he made his way toward you.

In the meantime, you huddled under the protective canopy of a tree, knees drawn close to your chest, feeling utterly helpless. Despite succeeding in gathering as much Gotu Kola as possible, you were still stranded atop the mountain. The rain showed no signs of relenting, and your sprained ankle made descent impossible. As you sat there, feeling the cold seep into your bones, you could only pray that someone would pass by and notice you in your predicament.

As time dragged on, your hopes of being discovered began to wane. Despite the rain lightening, the darkening evening sky brought a fresh wave of anxiety, your heart pounding in your chest. No one was going to find you now. Would you even survive the night on the mountain? You shivered uncontrollably in your wet clothes, your untreated ankle throbbing with pain, and wounds scattered across your body. It seemed unlikely you would make it.

Damn, I wish that idiot was here...

Oddly, amidst the despair, your thoughts turned to the physician. If only he were here with you, perhaps the situation wouldn't feel so distressful. With hooded eyes, you stared blankly ahead, silently wishing for him to miraculously appear before you.

You furrowed your brows as a figure approached, the sound of your name echoing through the rain-soaked air. The voice was unmistakable, and you snorted in disbelief. Could it really be Jung Yunho? But as he knelt before you, his hands gripping your shoulders, his concern felt all too real.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice urgent.

You blinked several times, reaching out tentatively to touch his cheek. To your astonishment, he was solid, undeniably present. Tears welled up in your eyes as you broke into sobs, throwing your arms around his neck and holding him close, "Oh my god, I can't believe you're actually here," you whispered through your tears, "I guess you aren't such a coward after all."

He sighed in relief, returning your embrace and stroking your head gently, "No, I am. I am a coward because I was so afraid, so scared of... of losing you," he confessed, his voice strained with emotion. As he pulled back slightly to look at you, his expression was filled with worry, "Please don't ever scare me like that again. I told you it was dangerous. Look at you," he scolded gently.

"I can't believe you ventured all this way alone. I thought you were smarter than this, but I guess even smart people can be idiots sometimes." The doctor in him immediately began assessing all of your injuries, retrieving a bandage from his bag. With careful hands, he secured your sprained ankle to support it and prevent further swelling and bruising. Once he finished, he pulled out an extra layer of cloth from the bag your father had packed and wrapped you snugly in it, ensuring you stayed warm for the time being.

You scoffed, defiance flashing in your eyes despite the fluttering of your heart at his earlier words and his caring actions, "Say what you want, but I have no regrets because I found it..." you said, holding up the bag full of the Gotu Kola herb, "The only regret I have is not knowing it would rain. Otherwise, I would have made it just fine."

He was momentarily speechless before a small laugh escaped him as he shook his head, "As much as I love how determined you are, it frustrates me sometimes."

"You do? Love how determined I am...?" you echoed shyly, feeling a blush creeping onto your cheeks, or maybe it was a fever.

He smiled warmly, gently cupping your cheek, "I do. But as much as I'd love to confess my feelings to you right now, we really need to get out of here. We'll have plenty of time to talk when we're safe. Now, come on, hop on my back." Turning around and gesturing toward his back, he offered you a way out of the predicament and perhaps, into a new beginning... with him.

Somewhere along the way, you lost consciousness on Yunho's back. Trying to maintain composure, he carefully navigated the descent from the mountain. Fortunately, upon reaching the bottom, kind townspeople offered a ride back to your home on their cart. He held you close throughout, hoping to provide warmth with his body heat, knowing the fever was taking its toll.

He found it hard to believe he had actually climbed a mountain to rescue someone. Normally, such feats were beyond his capabilities. But the mere thought of you in danger propelled him forward. If only you knew the power you had over him, driving him to extraordinary lengths.

Upon arrival, your parents swiftly attended to you, guiding the physician to your room where he diligently treated your wounds. Drifting in and out of consciousness, you found solace in the familiar surroundings of your room as your mother changed your wet clothes. Spotting Yunho beside you once more, tending to your injuries, you caught his gaze. He smiled and leaned down to kiss your forehead, whispering, "It's okay, you're safe now. Rest, sweetheart."

And you did, your heart finally at ease.

The following days passed in a blur as he visited you daily to check on your recovery. Today was no different, and upon his arrival, you recognised the familiar scent of the tonic he brought. It was the standard blend of herbs used to revitalise patients with colds. As he attempted to feed you, you protested, "I can do it myself."

Yunho clicked his tongue, moving the spoon out of your reach, "Just be good and let me take care of you," he urged gently.

Your heart skipped a beat, and you relented, allowing him to feed you. Swallowing the bitter medicine with a wince, you remarked, "You've already been taking good care of me for the past few days. Don't you have a clinic to run, Physician Jung?"

He chuckled, wiping the corner of your lips with his thumb, "Are you worried about me?"

Blushing, you looked away while he continued, "Don't worry, I have a substitute physician for whenever I'm not around. Besides, how can I focus on work there if I'm busy worrying about you?"

Turning back to him, you bit your lip nervously, "So, about that confession you were talking about..."

With a grin, the physician set down the bowl on the table beside your bed before reaching for your hand, "I've been waiting for you to ask for some time now. It's probably no surprise, but I... I have feelings for you."

As you squeezed his hand, he continued, "I'm not sure when it all started, but perhaps I might have liked you since our first meeting. Despite usually being composed, seeing you just threw me off. Truthfully, I've never given the idea of settling down a thought. All my life, I've been married to my work. Sure, I've met countless women who tried to appeal to me, but I've never been swayed."

Gently intertwining your fingers, he added, "Just when I thought I never would, you came along and changed everything. Initially, I thought it might have been your extensive medicinal knowledge that intrigued me, but now I realise it's much more than that. I've been waiting to be sure you liked me back before making my move, but then..."

Tears welled up in his eyes as he confessed, "God, you have no idea how much I regret putting you in danger. I should have spoken to you instead of avoiding you. When I found out you were gone, I felt like my life was over... I wouldn't have forgiven myself if anything were to happen to you," his voice cracked with emotion.

"I'm here now, you saved me," you reassured, gently cupping his face and turning it towards you, tears clouding your own vision.

He sighed, leaning into your touch, "You are, and I need you to know that I care deeply about you. I want to be the one to protect you, to be the one you can rely on, and to be there for you. Most of all, I want... to be loved by you. Will you let me be the one?"

"If not you, then who else?" you teased.

The atmosphere instantly lifted, and your smile illuminated his mood. "You'll be my only one, Yunho," you whispered, closing your eyes as he leaned in to capture your lips with his. Pulling back slightly, he murmured against your lips, "And you'll be mine."

Your father jumped with excitement outside your room, while your mother's joyous tears flowed as she eavesdropped. Finally, their hopes and dreams were becoming reality. They had worried you wouldn't give Yunho a chance after declaring your disinterest in marriage. They were relieved to see you letting him in. With a smack on your father's arm, your mother scolded him, "Alright, now that's settled, get back to work." Despite the playful reprimand, your father left happily, a smile adorning his face.

As weeks passed and your routine continued, with sessions held every few days, the significant change was evident – the physician was now more than just a friend. Stepping into the apothecary, he greeted, "I'm here, Mr. Ryu!" The elderly man grinned, waving back, "You might as well call me father already, Yunho-yah," he joked.

He blushed, bowing before hurrying to the back to tell you what your father had said, "Sweetheart, you won't believe what your father just said to me..." he began, trailing off as he realised you weren't there.

"Sweetheart...? Where are you—"

His words were interrupted by a mischievous "Boo!" from behind, startling him. In his surprise, he yelped and stumbled over his own feet, falling backwards. You reached out to help, but he grabbed your arm, causing both of you to tumble down together. As you landed on him, laughter erupted, reminiscent of the first time it happened.

"You cheeky thing," he murmured, leaning in for a kiss. When you pulled back sooner than expected, he let out a small whine, "Wait, what did my father say to you?"

"I'll tell you if you kiss me again, pretty please," he teased, a smirk spreading across your face, "Only because you asked so nicely," you replied with a chuckle.

Just as you leaned in to kiss him again, your father's voice interrupted from the entrance, "Hey sunshine, is the latest batch of ginseng ready yet— oh. Gosh, don't mind me, kids!"

As the elderly man hastily left, you buried your face in the doctor's chest, feeling embarrassed by the interruption. It seemed this was something you'd both have to get used to - the occasional interruption in your private moments. Yet, when you looked up and saw Yunho grinning, you realised he didn't mind. Like you, he was simply happy to be part of your little family.

You once thought it impossible to find someone like your father—someone patient enough to love you despite your unladylike habits, borderline stubborn nature, and no-nonsense attitude, someone who could accept you and all your flaws wholeheartedly—only to realise he had been here all along.

You were right, mother; he's the one.

You won't believe how many times I went over this. I'm not entirely happy with it even though I've managed to put in everything I had in mind. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I sincerely hope this was decent!

As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts! <3

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[yeonjuns-beanie]

Sacrifice

warnings: 18+, smut, unprotected sex(if i ever write protected know that my acct has been hacked), soulmate color au, hinted character death…, angst, somewhat established relationship–you’ll see, soft sex with logan with a few primal undertones, biting, oral(m&f receiving), a lot of mentions of blood due to the reader’s mutation, light hair pulling, depictions of violence, i think that is all lemme know if i missed anything!

summary: y/n is an omega-level mutant who finds herself on Xavier’s doorstep after an unfortunate encounter. cursed with the knowledge that whomever she loves will one day die by her hand, her heart tries its best to bury itself upon seeing color when she meets logan but the fight proves to be fruitless. 

word count: 8K

logan howlett x female!reader

Heavy lids and a limp in your right leg, you continued the trek up on the side of the winding road covered by abundant fir trees. The cold was biting and your breath fogged in front of you as you hobbled up the hill. You tried to self soothe by hugging your frigid limbs occasionally breathing heat into balled up palms. 

It was agonizing.

Every time you brought your hands up to your face to warm them up, your body shivered at the proximity of the dried blood on your hands. Your fangs extended, gently touching the sides of your tongue before you tried to retract them and your eyes rolled back with a nauseating euphoria rushing through your veins. Your breathing increased, turning into short pants as you ignored the innate feeling to hunt. 

To feed. 

You could sense every animal around you and your limbs twitched in a wicked need to hone in on their scent and drain them of their lifeforce. You needed to feel the luxurious sensation of their blood filling up and sliding down your throat feeling your power rush back to you. 

Your body betrayed you. 

There was a controlled thrashing of your head and limbs as it tried so desperately to lead to where to feed but you knew you needed to enact discipline otherwise Weapon X would forever have the final word. You’d be nothing more than an experiment gone wrong, a mutant turned haywire. You’d be the beast that everyone thought you were before the experimentation. A monster. 

Forced to haunt the shadows as any real sighting of you would invoke distress and trepidation among humans and mutants alike. You were virulent and Hell would freeze over before anyone let you believe otherwise. You stared down at your feet as you ignored the call to feed hoping that if you focused on the steel tips of your boots hard enough you could drown out the hunger.

Raising your head to see if your destination was in your sights, you could see the massive brick building with lights surrounding it as if you were about to enter heaven. Due to your fatigue, the lights were bending and stretching from the main bulb making it look like strobes were beaming out of the building. You laughed to yourself, tears brimming in your eyes as you felt relief wash over you. You tried to run but your powers were severely frenzied. You were exhausted, completely drained by the experiment and your mutations were in such an overdrive that if you tried to access them you weren’t sure if you’d be able to stop yourself. 

Sighing, you took another step forward before being completely incapacitated by your blood boiling beneath your skin. It was like someone set you ablaze. Your vision was blurry but it was the only time you saw glimpses of color. Flashing images of the experiment and your current surroundings clouded your vision in a hazy red as you furiously tried to wipe the images from your eyes. 

Continuing to walk through the excruciating affliction you were experiencing you tripped over your own feet, your knees hitting the pavement with such a force that the gravel and rock that was scattered upon it lodged itself into your skin through your jeans. You doubled over in pain letting the searing agony bore holes through your anatomy. 

Maybe I should’ve stayed. 

You feared that you were transforming into the rapscallion demon everyone was terrified of you becoming. You tried to stay upright dragging your knees across the road feeling blood pool into the fabric of your jeans. It seemed colder out now, goosebumps covering your skin and your head longing for the warmth of something that wasn’t just your hair. With every raise of your legs, the weather bitterly reminded you of the rocks scraping your skin, letting the blood pool only to be healed when your opposite leg touched the ground again. 

The entrance of the mansion wasn’t far and you were finally close enough to feel the warmth of the streetlight envelop you but it wasn’t enough to defrost your frozen skin. You wished you could see the colors of the building, feeling that maybe you’d be more motivated to reach the gates and ignore the enervation if you could see all the different hues of the building in the budding colors of dawn. With the red hue in your vision fading, so did your vision itself. You fell onto your hands and dragged your body as close as you could to the front gates before collapsing on the ground, your right hand wrapping gingerly around the iron bars. 

~*~

When you awoke, you were in a lab again. 

Fear. Unbridled fear. 

It encapsulated you. The wires placed on your chest and head, the IV bag hanging on your right side with a small needle stuck in your cubital fossa was all too familiar to what you endured only days before. The bright lights over you only continued to petrify you in your colorblind state. Everything looked so sterile in here which was most certainly an upgrade from the Weapon X facility but you couldn’t shake the terror. 

Sitting up from the table, you realized you were naked, covered only by a sheet. Even though fear rattled your body, you knew you needed to calm down to get a better grasp of where you were at.

Did I do all of that just to get captured again?

Gently taking the IV needle out of your arm, you scanned the room looking for any cameras but you found none. Calming down your breathing, you took off the jelly pads that were stuck to your skin and the monitor on the left side of you stopped the routine beeping of your vitals. You slid yourself off the table and wrapped the sheet around your body like a Greecian toga. After knotting the fabric over your right shoulder you heard faint footsteps clicking on the tile floor and you smelled two bodies. Staring down at the floor you tried to focus on who they were debating whether or not they’d be a threat. As you closed your eyes you heard the light whirring of wheels coming down the hallway outside of the room you were in, your breathing increased ready to be on the defense of whatever was on the other side of that door. 

You walked behind the table you were laid out on moments before, your bare feet sticking to the tile and echoing your steps in the aseptic room. You wanted to give yourself an advantage with a divider if you needed one but something was telling you that you needn’t be so skittish. Your fangs were bared, face contorted in mulishness just in case you needed to flee. As the silver, circular doors breathed out compressed air and opened, a bald man in a wheelchair entered. A slender black woman with short, feathered white hair highlighted with black streaks walked alongside him. 

Your chest heaved in uncertainty and with your body still on the defense, you hissed at the two. You were unaware of the new mutations you had but your eyes changed color, a black rim engulfing most of your sclera leaving little white to show, with a vibrant, luminescent red ring covering your irises. Your fangs flashed in a snarl as you were desperate to save yourself, terrified that you’d be another test. 

The two were oddly calm across your frightened form and seeing their demure nature, it knocked your body into calming down. Your eyes return to their natural state, a vibrant hue that wasn’t natural. Your eyes were a sight, hypnotic to most as the jewel-toned color became the focus point of your face. As you calmed down you realized your fangs didn’t retract. It was usually a passing thought and you were able to blend in with society as best as you could but they weren’t budging. Running your tongue across your top row of teeth you realized that it wasn’t just your canines anymore, but now your incisors were sharpened as well. Your eyes widened slightly in horror, afraid of yourself now. 

“We’re not here to hurt you, but to help.”

You looked around the room looking to see who it was that spoke. 

“Look forward.”

“Who are you people?”

“I’m Charles Xavier. Ororo, but most call her Storm. You’re safe here. Nobody took you elsewhere, you made it to the mansion. I must say though, you made quite an entrance leaving us to find you bloodied and bruised on our doorstep.” 

You bowed your head, ashamed that you couldn’t even walk to the door but left for someone to find you. You were embarrassed that they found you in the state that they did, hoping that they didn’t view you as a brute freak splattered in dried crimson and sweat. 

“I didn’t know where else to go. I tried. I tried to make it past the gates but I was in so much pain. My body gave out on me, please forgive me. For the state in which you found me and for how I just greeted you. I’m not in my right mind.” 

Charles nodded at you with a tight-lipped smile and motioned for you to follow the pair. 

“Come. We have much to discuss.”

Storm handed you folded sweats for you to put on and waited for you to get dressed. As you zipped yourself up in the hoodie, you followed closely behind her with your hands shoved in your pockets and your hood hiding your head. 

~*~

Sitting across Charles at his desk, Storm was leaning against the wall behind you, the door to Charles’ study left ajar. 

“So, my dear what’s your name?”

“Omen.”

“Your birth name?”

“Y/n.”

“So Y/n, why Omen?” 

You sighed, closing your eyes to relive all of the memories of your past.

“Always been a bad omen. People were afraid to look at me, understandably so, I’d be a little freaked out by someone with eyes like these. But…it stemmed from other mutants. I could hide really well amongst humans but when other mutants found out what I am, and what I can do, they treated me like the plague. Like I was a death sentence, they feared me so in turn I fed off of that. I, a portent foreshadowing of mortality, was forced to walk alone in an effort to save myself and those around me. If you see me, well, a bad omen might’ve been sent your way. And that’s how-”

You paused, your nostrils flaring for barely a second.

Someone else was in the room now. 

You didn’t even bother to turn around, you continued to stare at Charles not ready to confront another introduction. You mouthed to Charles. 

Who is that?

“Y/n, this is Logan. Logan this is Y/n, or ‘Omen’ as we’re learning.” 

There was a pit that settled in your stomach, a foreboding that was tantalizing and horrifying all in the same breath. You were fighting an internal war between turning around and hoping that whoever Logan was would leave the room, assuming that he was the reason for this feeling brewing within you. You stayed stiff in the chair, not daring to move. You were hiding your eyes behind your hair as if Logan could see right through you and make the same judgments as everyone else. You hung your head as you heard his footsteps get closer to you before he sat right in front of you on the corner of Charles’ desk. 

“You know it’s rude to not say hello.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath hoping that your words wouldn’t fail you. 

“Hello.”

“Normally, you look at someone when you greet them.” 

Raising your head, that feeling in your gut intensified and as you opened your eyes to properly greet him suddenly the world around you gained a vibrance that you never had the luxury to experience. Your eyes widened and you frantically looked around you as experienced the color of the furniture come to life. Looking down at your hands, you notice the color of your warm skin come to life, no longer bound to the greyscale of before. When you raised your head again you looked to Charles, then back around to Storm before landing on Logan, your eyes wide with shock, adoration, and a bit of fear. Logan was looking at you with the same intensity and suddenly you didn’t feel so weary of looking at him anymore. 

“Hello, Logan.” 

Your brow furrowed, he looked at you in a way you couldn’t quite discern yet, but you didn’t have a hunch that it would be anything negative. Charles leaned forward and Storm came up closer to understand what was happening between you two. 

“Y/n, what’s happening?”

“I-uh, I can see.”

“See what?”

“Color. I can see color.” 

His voice was low and gravelly, it had a sweeter tone to it now.

“So can I.”

Before you could relish in the feeling of finally finding your soulmate, it was quickly shrouded by the fear of what having a lover meant for you. There was a more sinister meaning to your name besides being completely repudiated by all aspects of society. Your mutation meant many things, but in finding your soulmate you’d have to blood bond them which meant dependency for life. The bond would be completely inseparable and invasive. 

It frightened you. 

You’d feel every emotion, every pain, every suffering. You’d be unstoppable together but if ever separated you’d be an extreme danger and with all things considered you were terrified if the experimentation amplified that. You didn’t want to be the killer they made you out to be. You stood up, overwhelmed by the situation.

“I don’t know if I can do this. I need to go. I don’t want to make things worse, I don’t wanna hurt anyone again.”

“Y/n, please. We can’t help you if we don’t know everything. I’m not going to fish through your mind. Sit, please.” 

You glanced at Logan and then back to Charles before speaking again. 

“You were saying that if people saw you that meant a bad omen was sent your way, what did you mean by that?”

“It’s part of the reason why they snatched me up.”

“Who?”

“Weapon X.”

There was a bitter silence that filled the room and you didn’t want to relive it, but you had to. You needed to. If you were to overcome these feelings, this internal war within you, you had to face it. You waited for someone to speak but the silence remained so you broke it resentfully. 

“My mutation makes me an omega-level mutant, the government likes that. They like having murder puppets at their disposal. A genetic war machine, a hitman for hire I was. Weapon X caught wind of my efficiencies in execution and promised me an upgrade I couldn’t refuse. They told me that this experiment they did on me would make the mutation adamantine. They packaged it up in a pretty box, topped with an elaborate pink bow and I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I felt useful for once like I finally mattered and had a purpose. I was a natural born killer so might as well stop fighting it, right? I couldn’t have been more wrong.”

Tears were beginning to brim at your waterline as you wrestled with your feelings of dejection and the perpetual pit of undesirability. You just wanted to matter and you did, but only as a murderer. 

“You see I was able to control the hunger before, practically ignore it but after the experiment it was insatiable. They put me on a medical table and injected me with some sort of serum but my body, my mutation harnessed it like a bloodthirsty demon that spent years caged in civility. They did what they wanted to do with me, they made me the monster everyone thought I was, the killing machine they needed. What they failed to consider though was if I would comply once the experiment was completed.” 

Tears were now slowly falling from your eyes as you recounted the memory of days before. How rabid and vicious you were. The blind rage and wolfish animal you’d become.

“I slaughtered them. While they completed the transfer, they wanted to wipe my memory–make me a murderous android and that’s not what I was promised. I was promised unbridled control over my abilities. So as I lay on that table, wires coming out of all my limbs, I ripped them out, an intemperate bloodlust surging through me.”

You stared down at your hands imagining the fresh blood that was once splattered all over them and how delicious it felt to be in a power like that. 

“All I had to do was look at them and I could make their blood do whatever I wanted. Hemokinesis, they were completely at my will. Crimson splattered the facility as I ripped through their veins or made weapons of their insides. I had enhanced strength and speed now making me a fiendish nightmare. I ate every bullet, laughing at their futile attempts to stop me or my now regenerative abilities. They created a monster and now they wanted to bury it. Very Frankenstein of them except like the creature created by Mary Shelley, I lived. In a more violent nature but I lived.” 

You swiped your tongue over your teeth before bringing your pointer finger to the side of your mouth to stretch the skin and show your fangs. They were sharper now and you were starting to prefer it. As you recounted the events of earlier this week, you almost stopped feeling sorry for yourself and stopped feeling so scared as you came to terms with how powerful you’d become. 

“The mutation was always blood manipulation but never at this intensity. I had heightened senses, or bloodsense as I like to call it.”

“Why bloodsense?”

“Well, it’s not like an animal. I can’t smell people for their scents but I can smell their blood. It gives me access to their location, a new presence, and even their emotional state. Which is why the government found me useful, I was better than a sniper scope.”

You sighed. 

“Problem now was, I was hungry. Normally, I would’ve controlled myself, controlled the thirst, but whatever they did to me I couldn’t help it. Whoever was left and not entirely splattered into pieces, I sunk my teeth into. I can’t describe the euphoria I felt draining them. I would heal before but at a slower rate, now if I feed it’s almost instant.” 

Looking around the room, you thought before you spoke. 

“After I felt the threat was gone and I returned to my body, I ran. I couldn’t believe the massacre in front of me, I had never been unhinged like that and it scared me. I heard about this place before through them, they wanted to shut it down, eradicate all the mutants here.” 

Logan spoke and it startled you slightly. 

“So, you were gonna be a mutant killer.” 

“Not exactly. I thought I could con them into making me more powerful and running away to warn you guys, to help. I suppose I did but not in the way I intended” 

You laughed, finally finding some humor in the unfortunate reality you were sitting in. 

“On the way up here I was able to fight it. The urges. I think at the moment I was just so new and so frightened of what was happening to me that I spiraled out of control. I don’t think I need to feed on people I just need access to some type of blood. I was trying to train myself to focus on the animals on the journey up here. I think I can do it just with some more practice.” 

You fidgeted with your fingers before looking up at Charles doubt suddenly flooding your mind. 

“Do you think I’ll be of use here? Or am I just a lost cause?”

Logan piped up first. 

“I think Dracula here will be of great use to us, just gotta give her some adjustment time.” 

Your eyes darted up to Logan, feeling as though the comment was more than a joke but contemptuous. You could sense the amusement coming off of him knowing that he riled you up a bit. Rejection flooded your brainwaves as you thought about how cruel other mutants had been towards you. You’d think your “soulmate” would’ve behaved a little differently but it seems no extenuating circumstances would ever be granted for you. 

“Logan!” Storm scolded. 

“No mutant is ever a lost cause, y/n. We all can learn and be helped. We just have to be willing, which you seem more than apt to do.” 

You nodded, the tears coming back to your waterline as you felt acceptance. Genuine acceptance for you, not just your mutation but for you. 

“We’ll get you training by tomorrow. Time mustn’t be wasted. Logan show her to the open room across the hall from yours, I need to speak with Ororo. We’ll have y/n settled in by this evening.”

Logan cocked an eyebrow at Charles before looking at you motioning you to follow him. You stood up from the chair, following oddly close behind him, unable to control the intrinsic need to be near him. 

“You always walk this close?”

“Not usually. You’re an outlier.” 

He chuckled somewhat amused by your response. His gait held such confidence and it was something that you wished you had yourself. Maybe the bond wouldn’t be so bad, maybe you could learn from him, and maybe the more you learned about him and his powers the less you would have to feel about your interactions. The mansion was so massive that you thought the walk to your new home would never end. Logan broke the silence between you two right before you reached the door to your room. 

“Soulmates, huh?” 

“Guess so.” You felt heat rising to your face somewhat embarrassed by the admission even though it was true. 

“Pretty cute for a killer.” 

You were stunned. You were at such a loss that your mouth opened and closed searching hopelessly for words that would never form. Logan smirked at your silence and turned around to walk into his room. 

“If you need anything just come knock. If I’m not there I’m sure you can sniff me out.” 

You shook your head, finding the way that he spoke to you unbelievable but you also couldn’t deny that you found it somewhat humorous. You were glad that he was able to make light of something that you were so hardened about. Turning around to enter your room, you were met with a bare dorm. Sheets and simple furniture you were determined to make it look more like home during your time here. Lying down on the bed you stared at the ceiling taking in all of the colors around amazed by the simplest of hues.

~*~

You adjusted quite nicely, acclimating to the rules of the X-men relatively easily. They had simulated training which helped you hone in on your new abilities and unleash them when necessary. You were careful not to overexert yourself so you could limit your blood intake but oftentimes you needed to satiate the hunger in the dead of night when no one could be the wiser, running out into the trees and finding small animals to feed on, a deer if you were lucky. 

You didn’t feel so ashamed anymore and you honestly felt lucky for the first time in your life. You felt like you had a family, a home, but most importantly that you belonged. Walking in the front door, you were carrying a bulk of grocery bags in both of your hands. You finally had the time to purchase some items for your room. As you pushed through the door, Logan happened to be walking down the hall and made his way over to you holding his hand out to grab some of the bags. 

“Jesus, you know you can ask for help around here.” 

“Didn’t wanna bother anyone. I also didn’t think I was gonna buy so much shit.” You laughed. “It’s all going in my room if you wanna follow me.” 

“Think I’ll just stand here and hold them actually.” 

You smiled and walked to your room with Logan not far behind. As you opened your door you dropped all the bags at the foot of your bed relieved to have the weight off of your fingers. Logan did the same before placing a hand on his hip and looking around the room. 

“You want some help putting this stuff up?” 

“That’d actually be great, thank you Lo–Logan, sorry.”

“Y’can call me Lo, bub. Call me whatever you want.”

You felt meek in his presence but were ultimately glad that he gave you permission for a nickname. The two of you had grown fairly close with one another over the last few months and you were elated. There was something so pure and unfeigned about the connection that was forming between you two that you forgot about all the horrors of a soulmate. You were more than overjoyed to have found your other half and them not be fearful of you, even though you tried to seem nonchalant about your feelings. 

You were seen by Logan you were just trying to find a way to fully see him. He was hard to crack but as the days went by he was loosening up more and more and it seemed like you were privy to sides of him no one else was. There were urges within you that were becoming harder to control and the urge to bond with Logan was difficult to ignore. There was this innate hunger that was growing within you and you knew it was a partial side effect of the experimentation but you also understood the possible danger you would be even without the upgrade in your powers. 

When you looked at him, an insatiable hunger caped your entire being and you wanted nothing more than to have him your way. To make him need you the way you needed him. To incapacitate him with desire. You wanted to watch him dissolve into nothing underneath you and dominate your body with the next breath. 

You watched his muscles stretch and relax delicately underneath his skin as he grabbed the items out of your bags, holding them up to inspect before laying them on your bed waiting for direction from you. The only direction that clouded your mind was how you could get him to lay you on the bed. Your brain fogged with desire; you had no shame as your eyes stayed fixated on him. 

“Take a picture it’ll last longer.”

“I think I prefer the real-life option.” You smiled at him and you lost the meekness that you felt earlier. Something settled in your bones while he was standing in your room with you that let you breathe a little easier. Logan was safe, protective, and yours whether he liked it or not. You tried to hide the verity of your emotions but Logan had caught on within the first few weeks of spending time with you. He just preferred the entertainment of making you squirm and letting you think that you had it under control. 

Staring at your barren walls you were trying to envision the plan for your room before Logan’s voice brought you from your thoughts. 

“The Downward Spiral? Aren’t you a little young to be a Reznor fan?”

“Never too young to enjoy music, plus aren’t you a little old to know about anything other than Cash and Big Band music?” You cocked your brow waiting for his face to fall at your jab and when it did you let out a hearty laugh. 

“Where do you want it?”

“You can just roll it up, I wanna get a frame for it. Don’t wanna put holes in it. But I do need help hanging up this tablecloth. I’m gonna make it like a short curtain, you’ll see.” 

Taking the lace fabric out of the bag, you stretched your arms as far as they could go before deciding that you had plenty of fabric to drape it like you wanted. Turning around to Logan you pointed to the piano stool you had shoved under the keyboard in the corner of your room. 

“Can you bring that over?”

As Logan brought the stool over you grabbed a few push pins from the container on your bedside table and swaddled them in your hand. Stepping on the stool you stretched your arms to reach the center point of the wall above your window and made a preemptive hole before nestling the fabric against the wall and securing it with the pushpin. 

“Why don’t you let me help you?”

“I got it! Just make sure the stool stays steady, please.”

You did have it until you didn’t. 

You were getting ready to put the last push pin in and even though your shoes were gripping the stool you felt somewhat unsteady about your position. Stretching to get the last pin in the wall, the stool wobbled and you almost fell and would’ve if Logan didn’t catch you. His large hand cradled your waist while his other hand landed on the curve of your ass before swiftly moving down to your thigh and his foot stepping on the leg of the stool steadying it again. 

A surge of heat blasted through your body and simmered as Logan continued to hold your body steady while you shoved the last push pin into the wall. Stepping down, you turned around to face Logan getting ready to thank him before you realized the proximity of your bodies. He towered over you, and the energy that radiated off of him was virile but oddly soft. There was a gentle heat being shared between your bodies and as you looked up at him you felt so demure beneath him, ready to just give your all to him. 

There was a hesitance before you spoke, afraid that the vibration of your voice in the stillness would ruin the moment. 

“Thank you.”

“Told you you should’ve let me do it.”

“But then you wouldn’t have been able to catch me. I think we both win here.”

“Oh, you like that? Me saving you?”

“Think I could get used to it, yeah.”

Your faces were inches from each other now, lips begging to be against each other but there was a restraint coming from the both of you. Like magnets on the wrong side, neither one of you wanted to give in but your bodies exhorted the desire brewing to be acted upon. Logan’s hands found purchase around your cheeks, cupping your face and breathing out a small “fuck it” before he caught your lips in an impassioned kiss. Your arms hastily wrapped around his neck, your fingers pulling at the hair on the nape of his neck. Your hands soon traced to cup his face before resting on his built chest, your fingers toying with the chest hair that peeked out of his wife beater. 

A low growl rumbled in his throat as you bit his lip and pulled the skin away from the warmth of his mouth. Logan’s hand roamed down the curves of your body before guiding you to the edge of your bed where you flopped into the sheets and scooted to the middle of the bed to take in his form. There was a lecherous famine boiling in your bones and you looked at Logan with such an intensity it sent a shiver through his limbs. When your eyes grazed down his body you landed on the tent forming in his jeans and the thought of what lurked beneath the denim had your pussy clenching around air. 

Logan crawled over you and placed a few kisses near the sweet spot on your neck which had you rolling into him reveling in the feeling. As he hovered over your body he brought his knee up in between your thighs pressing a delicious amount of serene pressure against your core. Logan kissed all over your body and you wanted to continue the euphoria but hesitation was eclipsing your desire. Logan could sense you retracting and scanned your features to try and understand. 

“Listen, we don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do, bub”

“No, no–I want to. It’s just.” You trailed off and Logan raised his brows waiting for you to continue. 

“It’s just, if we do this, you’re bound to me until death.” 

“You saw color when you saw me right?”

“Yeah.”

“So what’s the issue?”

You almost wanted to sabotage this. To tell him the worst of the worst and advise him to run away, pretend that you never existed. But you couldn’t. As much as you wanted to save yourself the heartbreak and tragedy, you feared love was painting over that panic leaving you to wrestle with the inevitable sacrifice you’d have to make. 

“My mutation binds us, intertwining our fates, and weaving us into one. It’s more than soulmates it's a blood bond. It happened with my parents but their circumstances were different. They didn’t choose a life of government executions and eradicating villains, there was no imminent threat of death.” 

His brow furrowed waiting for you to finish. 

“It’s innate–an irresistible need to claim you, mark you as my own. It’s a frenzied scene of passion and with a soulmate, the cauldron of emotions threatens to control me. Once this is done, we are bound beyond flesh. Our minds merged, and every memory–cherished or forgotten will be laid bare. I’ll feel every pulse of your thoughts, every feeling that ravages your soul and you, mine. You will become my life.”

“I’m not really seeing a problem here, sweetheart.”

“The problem is death. With this bond, every wound, and every pain will be felt as if it were our own. Our own agonies amplified. And God forbid if one of us dies, we will feel every second of that excruciating agony. There’s no autonomy. There is no freedom in loving me and should we ever be separated I–we’d be defenseless Logan.”

You paused, finding the courage within yourself to bear the worst. 

“There’s something else. My eldritch cross to bear.” 

“What’s that?”

“I will slowly kill you.”

His brows unfurled and he brought his hand up to your cheek as you closed your eyes with the confession. 

“Maybe I won’t. Maybe your mutation will counter mine and you’ll be able to regenerate fast enough before my influence roots. Or perhaps it’ll just take longer for you, but death came for my father and he understood the sacrifice he was making by loving my mother. He cherished and learned to love the reality he’d have with us, for us. I just don’t know if I can be that selfish.”

With tears threatening to spill you looked up at Logan, the fear you were swallowing for months now coming to the surface. 

“I don’t wanna kill you, Lo.”

Logan sighed and moved to sit next to you grabbing your hand in his, tracing over the grooves of your palms. 

This was it. 

You found him and you lost him all within a confession of something you couldn’t control. Your powers ameliorated for destruction you were left to bathe in the aftermath and be forced to solitude once again.

Taking your hand and bringing it up to his lips to kiss, he finally spoke. 

“Sweetheart, nothing can kill me.” 

Your head turned to face him, your face contorted in confusion before he continued. 

“And if loving you brings about my end, then God dammit it’ll be a death worth the sacrifice. I’ve lived lifetimes y/n, don’t deny yourself to save me. Ion need saving, I need you.”

Beneath the watery clouds of tears that glossed over your eyes, stars and hearts rested within them as you processed Logan’s words. There was no fear, no hate, no promise of abandonment from him, and while on instinct it scared you, you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of eternity in his arms. This was more than seeing color, this was a testament to souls spending lifetimes to find each other, to reignite their flame and rival the brilliance of stars. 

The tears that fell were no longer out of fear but admiration and joy. Moving to straddle his lap, you cradled his face memorizing his features before playing with a few strands of hair that were falling on his forehead. 

“Why you crying, bub?”

“Just happy I found you.”

Placing an ardent kiss on his lips, you locked them between yours for a few moments savoring the sanctuary you had found in him. Pulling away you pecked his lips a few more times before staring into his eyes that shimmered with autumn hues of adoration for you. 

“You still want me, baby?”

“Always gonna want you, sweetheart.” 

You smiled before kissing him again and uttering a soft “lemme make you feel good.” before peppering kisses across his skin. The scruff of his facial hair tickled your cheek as you freckled kisses along his neck, hitting the sweet spot under his ear that had him sighing soft moans into the air. Trailing your hands down his chest they rested on his abs before you traced the outline of his belt buckle with your fingertips. Looking up at Logan you silently asked for permission before continuing your movements and he granted you sanction over him by wrapping his thumb and forefinger around your chin to bring you in for a kiss. 

Rolling your hips into his, you sighed fervidly into him feeling him tent beneath you. Pulling away from his lips, you palmed your hand over the stretching denim encasing his lap and locked eyes with him. You couldn’t quite explain it but you wanted to watch every emotion of his unfold in front of you. Eyes fixated on him like a silver screen projecting your favorite film, you relied on your sense of touch to undo his belt and unbutton his jeans. Eyes falling to his chest you noticed his breathing becoming heavier as if he was holding himself back. 

Snaking down his body, you rolled his pants down with you just enough so that his cock could spring free from its confinements. He was picturesque in every sense of the word. His cock was the perfect length and was nested in a bed of untamed umber hair, his tip a flesh rose color that was leaking arousal.

Licking your hand, you brought it down to wrap around his length, the tip of your thumb and middle finger barely touching and you stroked up and down. Sliding your head down to the base, you flattened your tongue and licked a fat stripe up to his tip, dribbling a bead of spit onto the head. 

You looked at Logan through your lashes as you took as much of him as you could into his mouth. The sensation of your mouth wrapping around him had him gripping the sheets of your bed as you bobbed your tongue in and out of your mouth across his length. His moans slowly become more vocal, filling the atmosphere with a sexual symphony. 

Low groans and strangled breaths escaped his throat as you continued to suck him off. Logan took one hand off of the sheets to gather your hair out of your face. creating a makeshift ponytail with your locks, his hand resting on your head following your movements. Sucking in your cheeks, Logan let out a groan that sent pulses to your pussy and encouraged you to bring him to his zenith. 

Moving your hand in tandem with your mouth you felt him fulminate your mouth with his seed, the taste a salty piquancy of flavor. Swallowing every drop you continued to suck his orgasm out of him, his stomach caving in with zeal as you overstimulated him. Coming off of him with a pop, you wiped the corner of your mouth with your thumb before Logan pulled you in for a kiss, groaning at the taste of himself as your tongues fought for dominance. 

Logan’s hands roamed the trunk of your body before landing on the swell of your breasts kneading the skin like a cat. Pulling away from your lips he rolled your bodies over so that he was on top. Ridding himself of his jeans and tank top, his nose traced the line of your pants the scent of your arousal pouring out through the fabric. Carefully unbuttoning them, he rolled them down your legs along with your underwear. 

Nuzzling his nose against the fatty rise of where intimacy finds its home, he breathed in your scent a primaeval urge seizing control over him. 

“Lemme take care of you.”

Logan’s hands followed the curve of your sides before situating his body in between your legs. Wrapping his hands around your hips, he swiped a few kitten licks at your center before flattening his tongue and devouring you like his last meal. The scruff of his beard tickled the inside of your thighs and the vigor with which his tongue was lapping at your petals had you rolling and writhing beneath him. You were squirming with pleasure, frantically searching for something to ground your body outside of the euphoria that was gushing through your bones. 

Your hand was hesitant to rest in his hair, not wanting to ruin the perfectly sculpted duck tail, but digging your nails in the sheets wasn’t enough to steady your arousal. Giving into your resolve, your hands threaded themselves into his surprisingly soft locks, given the style. As you gripped at his tendrils, he moaned against your skin, the vibrations sending frenzied waves of pleasure through your haven. 

Your moans were becoming more frequent, breathy, and low in timbre. As you came closer to your peak you began chanting Logan’s name like a prayer, desperate for salvation. Release. 

It came in an electrifying wave. A rapture seizing your body at an intensity you’d never felt before. It inflamed you and you wanted nothing more than to make Logan as yours in any way possible. The sexual paroxysm that caged your being was impossible to ignore now and your body moved before your mind could resist. 

You flipped your bodies again so that Logan was flat on his back. Ripping your shirt off over your head, you motioned for him to scoot back so his back would be against the headboard. Crawling over his body there was a libidinous heat running through you and it felt like something else was controlling your movements. You were just watching from the passenger's seat. Straddling his legs, you perched yourself over his cock holding it at the base. 

“Inescapably, eternally, you’re bound to me.” Your voice was dripping in seduction but you said it almost as a warning, a bitter reminder of what was to come and before you had the chance to drift your mind elsewhere Logan’s voice brought you back. 

“Wouldn’t want it any other way.” 

You kissed him, smiling into it before you pulled away gasping at the stretch of his cock while you lowered yourself on him. The stretch was ambrosian, your honeyed hole sucking him in greedily as you became flesh with the base, his pubes tickling the tip of your clit. You bounced on him with vehement hunger, your sexual desire throwing you into a zealous delirium. The feeling of his cock stretching you out was something you fantasized for weeks; your imagination did little justice for the actual feeling. 

Giving your legs a break, you moved to rock your hips against his, stimulating your precious bundle of nerves against him. Wrapping your arms around his neck you licked a stripe up the side of his neck before letting your head rest in the crevice where his shoulder and neck met. His large, calloused hands held your hips and helped rock you against him, occasionally detouring up your back and gripping at your skin. 

It was like the veins in his neck were screaming out your name and your fangs began to tingle in your mouth, a sharp pain shooting through your gums. You let the tip of one of your fangs poke at his skin, a guttural moan leaving his throat before the craving of the bond, of the feed eclipsed any trace of logic within you. Fangs bared, cock still sheathed in your cherubic cavern, you sink your teeth into his neck. The intoxicating taste of salty iron washed over your tongue and slid down your throat covetously. 

You need not drain him to the point of death, but just enough to memorize the taste of him for the years to come. Logan moaned out his nails digging into your skin before flipping you on your back. In the movement, you removed your teeth from his neck, carmine staining your lips and the tips of your teeth. 

“Thought you didn’t wanna kill me, baby?”

“Thought you couldn’t die.”

In the prurient haze you were in, the harrowing anxiety from before had vanished, replaced by a fleeting sense of primacy. That feeling was soon wilted as you were shadowed by the dominance of the man above you. 

“I’m gonna fuck that right out of you, sweetheart.”

Swollen with erotic pride you laughed, a wordless challenge for him to conquer. Lining his tip back with your entrance, the stretch was more noticeable on your back and you could feel his tip pressing gentle whispers against your cervix. You were rolling your hips to meet his thrusts and Logan wrapped his arms around your body holding your flesh against his, the sweat on your bodies plastering you to one another in a heinous display of desire. 

His thrusts became urgent like it would be the last time he was inside of you. His moans were louder and the heat from his breaths was leaving a sheen of condensation on the crest of your ear. 

“Fill me up, Logan. I wanna feel all of you.”

You dug your nails into the skin of his back leaving deep red trails in their wake. Wrapping your legs around his waist your hole preemptively squeezed around him as you felt your orgasm build in your lower half. 

“You’re fuckin mine, y/n. Never gettin’ rid of me now.” 

His hips stuttered against you before you felt his balls pulsing against your puffy lips as he flooded your grotto with his thick, alabaster seed. The warmth of his cum filling your pussy left goosebumps to flutter across your skin and he continued fucking you through his orgasm. He overstimulated himself until he felt you pulse around his length, indulging in your juices spilling down the shaft of his cock. 

Pulling out of you, you quickly closed your legs not wanting to get up just yet to rid yourself of his cum. Logan rolled onto his back and you turned on your side placing your hand on his chest before looking up at him ardently. There wasn’t a flaw about him and your mind began to imagine what the rest of your life would look like. You were about to fall victim to your thoughts before Logan’s voice brought you back to mind. 

“So when do I start dying?” 

You slapped his chest lightly. 

“Shut up.” 

“I’m serious, when do I start dying.” 

“Hopefully never, bub. Hopefully never.  Whenever you do, I won’t be far behind.” 

© yeonjuns-beanie ‘24

[arachniee]

  ࣪𓏲ּ ᥫ᭡ ₊ ⊹ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃 He once was mine

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ Lucifer Morningstar x Seraphim!reader (main couple)

                              (side couple) Adam x Seraphim!reader   ┈➤        

જ⁀➴ Summary : After he fell from grace, you did your best to move on. Drowning yourself in knowledge, hoping that if you continued to fill your mind with information, you’d eventually forget about him. All the effort you put into it was useless in the end and everything came crumbling down after you met his daughter. 

જ⁀➴ Warnings: mentions of killing, betrayal (?), self-isolation, curse words, self-neglection, mentions of wounds and injuries, not proofread; there might be grammatical errors, mc is a workaholic insomniac 

જ⁀➴ Note: this is kind of an alternate version of the mc's background story from my series ‘medical haywire’, so the events here would still be similar to the one in my series, just slightly altered. Also, the mc here has the same profession as the mc in medical haywire, aka a doctor and stuff (can u tell what my fav profession is)    

part two

╰⪼ As one of the first seraphims to exist, you’ve witnessed how heaven grew and bloomed. With curious eyes, you’ve seen how everything developed. You were one of, if not, the only seraphim who held such interest in new knowledge. God knew, and he commended you for it, creating libraries as big as mountains, thousands of books in your care. You were in no doubt the most favored one, you were the brightest, kindest, and purest, after all.

Which is why Lucifer knew he could tell you about his plan. You’ve been together since the beginning of everything. The trust in your relationship was unshakeable. Undeniably, you two were the closest, always seen together in the libraries you manage, strolling around the city in your free time, and everywhere in general. Everyone knew of the intimacy in between the two of you, and it was adorable. 

When Lucifer first told you about his plan, you were skeptical at first. He expected it, though what he didn’t expect was for you to try and convince him to not do it. Spewing nonsense about what his father would do to him if he found out. You wanted to join Lucifer, you really did. Just as how he supported your wants and wishes, you wanted to do the same for him. But you knew too well not to do so. 

You didn’t want to go against everything heaven stood for. You had your duties and responsibilities, you needed to prioritize the well-being of heaven over anything and everything. Your heart clenched at Lucifer’s next statement, eyes going wide as you tried to reach for him.

“It’s either me or them.” 

You were conflicted, so much. All of your hard work into helping the development of heaven, all of your friends, every thought about the consequence of your choice spiraled deep within you. Why did you even need to choose?  

Lucifer knew what he was getting himself into, he thought about the risks, but chose to ignore them. He knew what his stand was, he won’t waver for anything, or anyone. He didn’t want to make you choose a side, but with his plan, he knew he’d be separated and divided from heaven. 

“Lucifer- please, just-” 

Each plea that came from your lips was not the answer he was seeking, not the answer he was expecting. Your voice was brittle and quiet, but he heard each word loud and clear. You did not agree to his plan, and that itself was obvious with how hard you were trying to stop him.

You watched when he was banished from heaven with Lilith, the first female human that God had created. You couldn’t deny that unsettling and disgusting feeling in the pit of your stomach when you found out about it, how he fell from grace with another woman. But you knew why he chose her, to rule hell alongside with. She was the one who supported him when he needed it, she was the one who helped him, even though everything didn’t go according to Lucifer’s wishes.

Despite that melancholic feeling that crept up on you, you were still glad that he wasn’t alone through it all, that he had someone he could hold close and cherish, and someone who would do the same for him. No matter how much it cracked your heart. 

Every day that you spent without him was absolute misery. The guilt about not being able to help him ate you up from the inside and out. Each time you entered one of the libraries you would spend most of your time in, you always reminisced about how he used to run through these shelves, how he would childishly complain about a certain book being so high up on the shelf and that he can’t reach it. He wouldn’t stop pestering you about reaching it for him until you eventually give in, handing it to him and watching him beam with joy (even though you know he won’t actually read it). 

You would start to lock yourself up in the libraries, avoiding anyone who tried to get a word with you. Each time someone wanted to speak with you, you’d remember the way he’d come up and join the conversation passively, excusing both you and him, claiming to have important business to attend to. Successfully whisking you away from the others, grinning to himself now that he has you to himself. 

You still did your duties as a seraphim, yes, but any interaction outside of that would be non-existent. As soon as a meeting ends, you would immediately leave. Though the longer you stayed alone in the libraries, the more you started to resent being there. The memories you had with Lucifer were all nothing but good ones, and it pained you so much. 

When Adam first arrived in heaven, you would remember how he often received wounds from a few accidents when he was still getting used to having and using his wings. You were just in one of the libraries in the city when he came in suddenly. He thought that this place was boring and that no one would find or see him here with the new scratches he got while still trying to learn how to fly properly.

You were slightly irritated at first, but to witness the first ever human, now an angel, struggle to adjust to this new lifestyle, it was feeding your curiosity like a feast. He’d just shrug it off, trying to act like it isn’t a pain in the ass to take care of (his ego took a hit when you told him to be less reckless and clumsy next time). He’d usually stay for almost a whole week, waiting for the wounds to completely disappear, and to be in his presence was annoying for you. So you reluctantly treated his wounds, you had enough knowledge on how to treat them, so you thought that maybe if you treated his wounds, he’d leave sooner.

He didn’t admit it (and he won’t), but the tingling feeling in his stomach was a very obvious indication of his appreciation and gratitude for your actions. He was still pretty much down about the issues with his previous wives, again, he won’t admit it, but knowing you were there to help take care of him even when he didn’t need it, he was happy.  

And the fact that no one in heaven, even the other Seraphims and Archangels, has been graced with your care in eons, aside from him, that filled him with a sense of pride. Sometimes, he even thought of purposely getting himself hurt just for you to treat his injuries, but he decided against it, he didn’t want his pride to take a hit. Though when he does get injured, he immediately goes to you without hesitation, much to your dismay.

It made you realize that some accidents may happen in the future if more humans eventually came to heaven, so with a little hesitation, you sought to meet God after not seeing him in so long. You wanted his permission and insights about opening a place for those who need assistance that involved their health and well-being. You also stated your concerns about how pregnant angels would need a place where they can properly give birth.

God would’ve been surprised, seeing you out of the comfort of your libraries, but he expected this. There was a reason why he held you in high regards, because out of all of his creations, you were the one that cared for the others the most. Despite your initial reluctance to come out of your shell, you pushed through for the sake of your people’s health and comfort. 

Everyone who knew you long enough missed the old you. God himself included. He thought about your plans, and wondered if this could be the key to shaping you back into your old self. He agreed to your ideas, not just for the sake of heaven’s future, but to see if granting this would give you your spark back.

Just as how he provided you with your libraries, you were given everything you could have needed for your goal. Everything started off small, but as heaven’s population grew, so did your little medical company. You were getting busier and busier that your duties piled up like mountains. 

The libraries you used to manage started getting more attention by heaven’s residents, so you had to focus on that as well. You created a number of books during the time you were trying to forget a certain someone, though your books weren’t about him, no. Most of them being about information on an angel’s biology and all its wonders. While the rest were about instructions in treating a wound and such. 

With each day that passed, you buried yourself in your work. Your diligence was another thing everyone praised you for, you always got the work done perfectly and on time. But when you heard of Sera's decision about the extermination they were planning, you wanted nothing more than to just run away and finally have a break. As per her request, which you obviously expected, you were to monitor all those angels who were chosen to participate in the extermination. You had to keep an eye on their health and overall condition to ensure that nothing would go wrong. 

Everything went as expected on the first extermination. It was successful, but many of the exorcists returned with numerous, minor injuries such as scratches and such. You wanted to scold Adam for his ridiculous leadership, can’t he do better in training and providing them with proper fighting gear? Then again, you couldn’t care less anymore about anything involved with the extermination. You wanted to focus more on the current events in the city publicly instead of those private matters. 

As the years flew by, you barely interacted with anyone other than God, Sera, and Adam. You spent all of your time howled up in either your office or the lab. You would usually report your medical areas’ performances to God from time to time, while with Sera, you would discuss your seraphim duties and responsibilities. And with Adam, topics about the extermination and stuff which involves it would usually fill your conversations. 

Each day was a never ending cycle of the same tedious things that need to be done. Sleep wasn’t part of your vocabulary anymore, no, it’s not even in your dictionary anymore. Aside from the creator himself, you had the most knowledge and wisdom about almost everything. You wouldn’t say it was worth losing all your time for leisure, but there’s nothing you could really do now. 

With how packed your schedule was, you haven’t seen the light of day in so long. You barely have time to rest, nonetheless go outside. You weren’t really complaining, you felt more comfortable surrounded by knowledge and machinery rather than people. 

You haven’t been able to visit your libraries because of how busy you are. And you doubt you’ll ever be able to after you were informed that the extermination schedule was changed from once a year to every six months. If you could just quit your job, you would’ve done so. Without hesitation. 

The report you received about the exorcist that was beheaded kept your mind preoccupied. Surely, now that those demons know what they’re capable of doing to angels, you expect more bloodshed in the future. And you are not fond of the idea of more work. Seriously, what the fuck was Adam thinking?

With how busy you are now, you can’t even attend meetings anymore. Sera and the others understood your situation, so most of the time they’d just send you the summary of the meeting after. You were grateful that they understood instead of forcing you to attend. Just as the piles of work you had to do grew more and more, you started taking in too much caffeine to stay up. How ironic, as someone who advises and treats others involving their health, you barely took care of yours.

Adam would never admit it, nor anything for that matter, but he deeply missed his little interactions with you. He was already sour enough that you needed to take care of others now too, not just him, but he was grateful that you helped monitor his exorcists' health and condition. He made the decision to move the extermination day partially for his entertainment, but deep inside, he hoped that he’d see you more often because of this. He was quite disappointed that because of his decision, you got busier and busier. He was already pissed with that, but the fact that the princess of hell wanted to meet, man, what a pain.

.

.

.

.

.

꒰  ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･

Excitement brewed inside Emily as she waited for the princess of hell to arrive, her sister, Sera, right by her side. With all the curiosity she held for hell and demons, she was ecstatic when she heard about the meeting. She wanted to tell you everything, from the information about the meeting to the knowledge she’ll receive about the residents of hell. She was the one who was tasked to report everything that happens every meeting to you. That was how you met her, you two would usually converse through technology, but recently, she’s been frequenting your office. Which you appreciate since you didn’t need to leave the hospital for a meeting. 

She welcomed both the princess and her girlfriend with a bright smile, St. Peter and Sera greeting them as well. She was really happy about showing the newcomers around, it showed in her aura and energy, while Sera was more on the calmer side. 

Charlie, on the other hand, was slightly nervous. Though she tried her best to brush it off, hoping that no one would notice. This was her chance, if she were to do or say anything that the angels didn’t like, then everything she has worked hard for will all be for nothing. She was too focused on overthinking that she didn’t notice where they were. They stood in front of a cafe, it seemed so cozy and welcoming. She glanced around and noticed Sera’s absence, eventually, she turned to Emily when she heard the young seraphim speak. 

“Sera went inside and ordered for us! Come on, it usually gets crowded inside there, so it's best if we wait for her here.”

Emily gestured to one of the tables that surrounded the cafe, smiling brightly as she watched both of the visitors take a seat and made themselves comfortable. They spoke about a few things before Sera came back, taking a seat next to Emily, right across from Vaggie. In a couple of minutes, their conversation was interrupted by one of the servers who held four strawberry parfaits in a tray. Everyone at the table thanked the server, though Vaggie only mumbled a small ‘thanks.’

The conversation continued, but Charlie’s nervousness slowly started coming back when Sera asked (on Emily’s behalf) about hell and the life there. She sweatdropped, she can’t say that hell was full of cocky, shitty, and power-hungry demons! Of course, not all demons were like that, but the majority of the demons in hell were, as described, cocky, shitty, and power-hungry. She let out a small laugh, trying to keep the cheery personality she previously had. 

Her answer was mostly based on the demons who resided in her hotel. She described her experiences to have their ups and downs, but there were demons there that stayed with her and even supported her project! Her nerves started calming down the more she spoke about her friends and the hotel. Vaggie could only smile proudly at her, glad to see how joyful her girlfriend was when talking about her dreams. 

Emily seemed to beam with happiness when the princess would talk about her life in hell, much more when she saw how highly she spoke of her friends. Unfortunately, she leaned in a little too close out of excitement, causing the table to slightly jerk forward towards Charlie who was in front of her. The young hell-born slightly jumped when it caused her glass of parfait to hit the floor. The glass shattered, both Charlie and Emily panicked. 

Charlie immediately stood and tried to pick up the broken glance, not wanting to make a mess, especially since Sera was there. The young seraphim apologized profusely, standing from her seat as she moved around the table to get to the princess, who was being helped by her girlfriend. Sera called for one of the servers, who understood and grabbed his supplies to clean up the shattered glass.

Emily was immensely guilty when she realized that Charlie had accidentally wounded herself from the pieces of broken glass. She turned to Sera who went to inspect the wound in the princess’s palm. It wasn’t too deep, but enough that blood started to drip from her palm to the floor. Emily started panicking even more, even though Charlie told her she was okay. 

Your clinic was just around the corner, so the young seraphim immediately fished out her phone and dialed your number. She was too paranoid about what happened, but still, Charlie was the princess of hell, she deserved to be treated with utmost care. So when you reluctantly agreed to sacrifice your 10 minute break to treat her friend (she didn't tell you that it was the princess of hell) , she quickly escorted the two lovers outside, Sera following close behind. She knew Emily had asked you for your help, but she and her sister both shared the same respect for those with high status, so she didn’t question any further, expecting you to be the one to treat the princess’s wound. 

As a clinic came into view, Charlie wondered if she should open up a small clinic for the hotel as well. The most medical assistance that was ready in case of an accident were just a few first-aid kits, none of them really had much knowledge on how to treat wounds so she thought of hiring a doctor or a nurse soon. They were met with a lot of people and Sera separated from the group to speak with the receptionist while instructing Emily to bring the princess to your office. 

The young seraphim nodded and led both of the visitors down the hallway. While walking, Emily apologized once again, her excitement brought pain to another, and she couldn’t bear it. Charlie assured her that she was okay, though the other still apologized. Vaggie just silently watched the two, holding her lover’s wounded hand with such gentle care. 

As soon as your office came into view, Emily hurriedly knocked on the door. Once she heard a  small ‘come in', she gestured for the two girls to follow her. The room was neat despite the many files they saw everywhere they looked. Their first impression was this person sure was busy as fuck, because damn that’s a lot of work. Their gaze eventually followed Emily when they saw her walk towards the table. Charlie immediately perked up when she saw you. A sense of nostalgia hit her as she stared longer at your form. You seemed familiar to her. Memories of when she and her father would draw together came rushing back to her. She'd remember seeing her father draw their family, of course. Her mom, him, and little Charlie. Though there was a time that she caught her father draw an unfamiliar lady. With how her father drew this lady, it led her to believe that she was beautiful. And she couldn't miss the fact that you shared some resemblance to the mysterious lady.

You were frozen in place when your eyes fell on her. The atmosphere suddenly became tense, Vaggie taking a step closer to Charlie out of protectiveness. Your aura wasn’t menacing and hostile, no, but it was unreadable, just like your expression. Emily watched with a tilt of her head, she was confused. Did you know the princess of hell or something?

With wide eyes and a mouth slightly agape, you watched the young hellborn stare at you. Her eyes were exactly like his, her hair was the same shade of blonde like his. Everything about her seemed similar to him.

Then it hit you. Everything that you’ve worked so hard to forget, every act of effort you made just to relieve yourself of the pain, in the end, it was all for nothing when you realized the bittersweet truth. 

You were staring at his daughter. 

[radioisntdead]

Hi can I request alastor x Vox's sister reader? Reader isn't a tech demon like Vox and kinda the opposite of when it comes to technology.

Basically the equivalent of someone who's so bad at cooking they could burn water except with technology. And maybe Vox didn't know they were down in hell and only found out well spying on Alastor and reader accidently does that destroys a tech thing.

You dont have to do it if you'd dint want to and sorry its so long I hope it's not to weird or specific.

Good evening My dear! I may have gone slightly overboard, I had fun with this request!

You know where to find me, I know where to look.

Alastor x female reader, Vox & sister reader

Warnings!!

Vox being a creepy lil tv creeper, implied Radiosilence, Alastor plots to take out the reader at one point, both reader and Alastor are on the Aroace spectrum, Am I projecting a little? Yes

Reader has beef with microwaves, not proof read apologies for any spelling mistakes, Leaning into fanon territory here! Ending a little scrambled because it's 7 am and I am supposed to be up in three hours.

Vox's sister was something he didn't talk about often or at all, maybe a brief whisper of "[Name] would like this"

when he saw something she would like but nothing more, while Vox had managed to live up until the 50's you had died before him, a unspecified illness had taken your life, he suspected it was from you over working yourself but he couldn't prove it, all he knew was that you were more then likely in heaven with the angels, probably doing whatever you please.

He'd like to see his sister again after all the two of you were little troublemakers growing up, sneakily stealing the freshly baked cookies your mother made, spraying the neighbors son with the hose when he shoved Vox onto the ground or throwing rotten eggs at the neighbors other son who tried to pull your pigtails, although you did fight a fair amount, with you chasing him down with a baseball bat after he had broken the head off of your doll one time.

When the war took the life of your father and heartbreak took your mother's years after, when the two of you were in the middle of your teenage years, the two of you only had each other, you had each other's backs, even if you disapproved of your brothers obsession with the up and coming TV technology, it worked in his favor once he landed a job working with it, managing to scramble up the connections to get you a nice job as some guys secretary, it paid well and the guy wasn't stupid enough to mess around with Vox's sister.

To his knowledge you didn't get involved in the field politics like he did, where he trampled over the weak ones, stealing ideas and parading them off as his own when his own ideas were rejected, And the other things he did to get to the top, you were a decent person, a woman far beyond her time one would say.

However unknown to him his sister was causing up trouble in her own right, finding the weak spots of her bosses and exploiting them via blackmail or something amongst those lines, and if they refused to be blackmailed by her? Not even giving her a pretty penny to keep her mouth shut about their affairs? Their deals? Their tax fraud? Well the newspaper would have a field day with the scoop she anonymously dropped off.

Both siblings were doomed to fall below, maybe if they had perished around the same time they wouldn't had been separated, maybe she would've even joined the Vee's!

But they perished separately, years apart.

You met Alastor not long after dying, the deer radio host befriending you rather quickly.

Deer were ironically one of your favorite animals, and you always did prefer the radio as opposed to your brothers television, maybe that's why you foolishly put your trust in a friendship with Alastor, that was repaid with the Radio demon reluctantly falling for your charms, you falling for his,and not with him trying to eat you or making a deal with him and taking your soul.

Vox similarly had met Alastor after he had perished, and they were on friendly terms up until Alastor had, to be blunt rejected Vox's proposal, and then vanished for seven years.

Not once in those years of supposed friendship did Vox learn about you, he didn't even know the radio demon had a spouse, let alone that it was his own sister,

It's not that Alastor was ashamed of you or anything, he simply didn't think Vox was important enough to introduce you too, even when you were considered just a good friend and not his spouse, he considered Vox a supposed, one friend but not to the level of Rosie for example,

Rosie was the first person to know about you

Most types of modern technology would fizzle out or explode in your hands, you learned this the hard way after purchasing a flip phone and it exploded in your hands once you turned it on.

Alastor did NOT let you live that down, saying that it was your fault for trusting in faulty modern technology, eventually after some experimenting with random technology it was discovered that anything from the 2000's forward were practically expensive bombs for you,

Alastor took great joy in snatching up modern electronics and placing them in your hands to be rid of them before taking care of the unfortunate sinner that owned them, either making a snack out of them or taking their soul in a deal.

You didn't mind it much, was it somewhat inconvenient? Yes without a doubt, everyone kept their electronics away from you, you could be talking to Angel and he'd slide his phone far away from you, was that a bit much? Probably but if he pissed you off enough for whatever reason you could just reach over and BOOM no more phone!

Vox being the nosey control freak he was, used his devices to lurk around the hotel, and for plot related reasons managed to sneak into the hotel undetected with a remote control car with a camera the size of a hot wheels, at first he didn't see much, The princess and her girlfriend having a little date, The cat bartender and Angel Dust chatting while drinking, Niffty traumatizing baby bugs, blah blah boring stuff to him,

However he perked up as he spotted the radio demon, in the kitchen for whatever reason, cooking away, coat put to the side, sleeves rolled up, tail exposed, chopping up celery, bell peppers, garlic and onions while humming a tune,

Vox watched in stalkerish excitement as Alastor chopped the vegetables to prep for the meal he was making, it wasn't anything to be excited about but he was anyway,

Vox's expression changed from excitement to displeasure as someone walked into the kitchen, Joyfully calling out for Alastor while holding up a bag of what looked to be groceries,

Alastor turned, tail moving swiftly back and forth at the sight of his beloved spouse you moved forwards, just barely brushing against Vox's little spy car causing it to burst into flames.

Simultaneously causing Vox to break out in a sting of curses while you and Alastor looked at each other in confusion, before your face twisted into one of frustration, assuming you had bumped into some type of kitchen gizmo

"Can I NOT touch kitchen appliances anymore?!"

"Settle down dearest, and put down the produce please."

Vox came back at later date with another hot wheel camera, managing to sneak into the hotel when Angel dust opened the hotel doors to leave, this time Vox was determined to avoid whatever had caused the first device to explode,

There wasn't anything worth wild for him, The princess was scrambling with papers, the king of hell surrounded himself with ducks for some apparent reason?? Alastor was nowhere to be seen, but the person he was with in the kitchen was, sat at the bar listening to Niffty explain fanfiction while the bartender nursed a drink muttering something about being too sober for that.

Vox squinted as he zoomed closer to you, he stared for a few minutes before recognizing you as his sister, you looked different then when you were alive but it was without a doubt you.

Why the fuck were you down here?! And why were you in the hotel?! Did you know he was here?! Probably not considering he had a TV for a head now and went by Vox instead of whatever normal human name he had before.

Vox observed for the next couple of days, catching on that you and most modern technology did NOT mix, you had taken down twenty-five of his hot wheel cameras just by nicking them, you also had weird beef with Microwaves, sometimes they worked for you, and others times they fizzled down and refuses to work for you,

It annoyed you to no end especially when you were trying to eat a microwaved meal behind Alastor's back.

He wondered what would happen if you touched his head at all, would he explode? He didn't want to find out.

You hadn't changed much from when the two of you were alive, maybe more outgoing and confident but you were still the sister he grew up with, he debated on whether he should reach out, what would he say?

'hey sister, it's been a couple of decades I've been watching you? Join the Vees!'

that's not a normal thing to say, Not to mention Alastor more then likely wouldn't let him get near you

He found that you and Alastor were close, too close for his liking, cooking together, the two of you would dance together, Alastor would bite you when the two of you were allegedly alone, and the two of you even shared a room!

Was Vox in denial about the obvious? Yes, yes he was.

On one side there was that sibling protectiveness on the other he was jealous because why didn't Alastor treat him like he did you when they were on good terms?! Why didn't he? Was this why he turned him down on joining the Vee's?

Was it because of you? How long have the two of you known each other? Why didn't Alastor mention you to him? Did Alastor not trust him during their friendship? Of course he didn't, he was a heartless cannibalistic deer with gross deer hooves,

Clearly you were being held hostage or something, maybe you sold your soul to Alastor?

Alastor was clearly using you for his own entertainment like he had with Vox during their friendship, after All Alastor could never love another person, he was incapable of it.

But he wasn't incapable of it, you weren't an exception to Alastor's Alastory-ness, and he wasn't an exception to your you-ness

Neither you or Alastor were big on the whole romance thing,

You, in life didn't care much for it preferring to focus your time and energy on blackmailing folks and saving enough money to do whatever your heart desired and Alastor was similar, only instead of blackmail and money it was his radioshow and murder.

And that didn't change after death, even after you met Alastor.

You honestly couldn't pinpoint when you and Alastor fell for each other, it came slow like a horror movie where a serial killer was coming up behind the victim, no one noticing the killer until it was too late,

It got you first, at first you thought he just got bumped up from a good friend to a close friend, then a best friend and that's why you were so fond of him,

Until you started wishing to do unholy things,

Like holding hands, or petting his ears!

The minute you figured out what the budding feelings that had begun to weave themselves inside you,

you resulted to shoving them down, hopefully hiding them away until they disappeared completely, or until you gaslit yourself enough that they never existed in the first place, that it was just heartburn or something,

but that didn't happen, they just got stronger up until the point where it hurt, until you had to physically distance yourself from Alastor in hopes they subsided.

Alastor on the other hand, had it slightly worse,

For him it didn't hit him in small gaps like it did for you, it hit him all at once,

he legitimately thought he had somehow gotten deathly ill, perhaps he had gotten cursed? Maybe he wasn't as fond of you as he thought and instead hated your guts for whatever reason?

But if that was the case why did he yearn for your presence? Especially after you for some reason distanced yourself from him?

Why did he desire to chat with you? Why did he wish to cook you a meal and have a lovely dinner with just the two of you??

He eventually went to Rosie, his most trusted friend with this problem

his smile was strained when Rosie laughed at his troubles and told him he was, shockingly more then likely in love.

He acted like he was just told he had an incurable disease, like rabies.

Eventually he got to the point where he decided he should just take you out, in a murder way he couldn't afford a weak spot that he couldn't control,

However he couldn't go through with it when you showed up unannounced to his home, a frown present on your lovely face, you acted like a guilty child who had just stolen a batch of freshly baked cookies, you carried two folders and a board, and you asked him to hear you out as he let you inside,

You began to set up what one can only describe as one of those conspiracy theory boards, only instead of a conspiracy it was explaining how you managed to fall for Alastor, that he didn't necessarily have to return those feelings, and why he should let you live after knowing this information.

Thankfully before you could begin setting anything other then the board up and a few skeins of different colored yarn out, Alastor grabbed you by your shoulders and reluctantly told you that he adored you for some forshaken reason.

And that was that, nothing was ever officially labeled until a ring was put onto your finger many many years later, but it was comfortable, you stayed true to each other, you never went further then a light kiss or a cuddle, the two of you would be deemed odd for a couple, sometimes invalidated by folks who didn't know how to mind their own business, but they were usually dealt with quickly.

You adored Alastor, and He adored you in return.

And that was evident as he twirled you around his radio tower, Vox's hotwheel mini camera watching from the corner.

Soft jazz played as you were pulled back into Alastor's arms, a laugh escaping your throat as you smiled at him, taking a quick moment to reach your hand out and hold Alastor's face, planting a soft smooch on him before pulling away.

At that point Vox was disturbed and a peng of jealousy ran through him, one, because no one wants to see their sister doing that to their ARCH NEMESIS, and second of all, Out of everyone in hell, why did he have to choose you?

Yes you were nice, he guessed, but he's seen you be a feral little menace when the two of you were young, Alastor could do better [No he couldn't]

What did you have that Vox DIDN'T? Sure you didn't have a giant tv for a head but you also weren't an overlord like he was, you didn't have the connections he did, you didn't have a whole company that dominated the tech industry, you didn't HAVE what he did.

But you did have what he desperately wanted

You have Alastor's heart,

You get the adoring looks, you get the whispers of pure affection, you get to dance with him, you get Alastor.

No matter what Vox did, Alastor would never look at him the way he did you, he would never give him the look of pure affection, he would never ask him to dance, he would never give him his heart.

And that tore Vox apart.

So If he couldn't have Alastor, Neither could you.

To him, You either needed to get redeemed quickly and go up above or you were going to be joining the Vee's, whether you liked it or not.

Good evening folks! Thank you for tuning in! I know I said Rosie headcanons where supposed to be up next but I ran into some technical difficulties [my writing app crashed and a big chunk of it got deleted so I am not happy about that] anywho, Vox is a funky TV dude and I like the implications that he's lovesick about Alastor,

I need to finish my Vox fic because he's toxic there.

[mizmak]

Is This Demon Broken?

I've been pondering Crowley's expression at the end of episode six as he drives away. You know, this one:

And I can't help but wonder why he doesn't look more like this, from series 1, when he believes he has lost Aziraphale after the fire:

And I have some ideas about this.

That's definitely a Broken Demon in S1. He doesn't know what happened -- only that he can't sense Aziraphale anywhere on Earth. He might be discorporated -- or he might be destroyed. And Crowley is grieving.

But his expresion in S2 is not one of grief. Yes, he's definitely Not Happy there -- he's lost Aziraphale to Heaven, after confessing his love. BUT there is something he knows that is causing him even more concern. Crowley knows exactly what Aziraphale is going to face in Heaven. And that knowledge is causing that furrowed brow.

Because he saw Heaven's next plan -- the one Gabriel tried to nix. He even hinted at it when he told Aziraphale, "When Heaven ends life on Earth, it will be just as dead as if Hell ended it." Alas, he was not specific enough, and Aziraphale just rolled on past that one, insisting he could make a difference. Crowley knows that isn't true. He knows that Heaven will ask him to implement the destruction of life on Earth, and he knows that Aziraphale won't be able to make things better. His best friend who he loves is about to be massively disillusioned and betrayed. He's going to find out just how right Crowley was about Heaven and when he does, Aziraphale is going to need him more than ever.

And he will be there, whenever and wherever that happens.

So I believe that as he is driving away, Crowley is not broken.

He is disheartened by what Heaven has done, and is about to do, to Aziraphale. And somehow, someway, he is going to fix it.

Furthermore, I think we already see that Aziraphale knows he is going to need Crowley. Because when the Metatron tells him about the Second Coming, his expression goes from curious/hopeful to this:

That's an "Oh fuck" look. And the very next thing he does is LOOK TOWARDS CROWLEY.

This is him starting to turn his head...back towards the bookshop:

And this is him looking over to where Crowley stands by the car:

"You were right. I was wrong."

And that's my take on this final scene.

[arjwrites]

Hi there! Found your account through a moot and wanted to maybe request a Sam x nephilim!reader where he finds out that she had been keeping that she was a nephilim a secret to try and protect him, but the truth comes out when they're on a hunt together? Maybe with established relationship?

Heaven Hellbent- Sam Winchester x Nephilim!Reader

Summary: When a hunt goes wrong, Sam discovers a secret you've been keeping for years. Part 1 of the series!

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: F!reader! Canon-level violence and language!

A/N: THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR PATIENCE ON THIS! I literally loved this request so much but really desperately wanted to do it justice, so it took me a little while. Seriously, this was one of my most re-written fics so far. I really wanted to finally get something out to you, but I have a lot more to write on this topic so I AM MAKING IT A SERIES!! This is a bit out of canon context but I really really hope you still enjoy, thank you again for such an amazing prompt and for your patience!

Ever since you had come into Sam's life, things felt lighter. You were this warm, radiating presence that had wrapped itself around every facet of his life. Sometimes, when you lay together late at night, when he would trace your body with his fingers and plant soft kisses on your forehead, he would silently pray- he still did that from time to time- addressing God, fate, the universe, or sometimes simply to whom it may concern, thanking anyone he could for the miracle of you. 

You were one of the most skilled hunters Sam had ever encountered. It felt like even having your presence on a hunt was an asset- when you were around, cases were solved quicker, monsters went down easier, and everyone walked away with far fewer injuries. He expressed this to you once, in your early years together.

“It just feels like everything clicks when you’re around. How is it that you make everything so easy?” He had asked you, eyes so full of admiration and innocence. Sweet, clueless Sammy. 

“Hmm, I must be a pretty serious good luck charm then, sweetheart. Better keep me around,” you had purred, eliminating the space that separated you in a sensual attempt to change the subject. 

Sam chuckled. “I like to think of you as our little guardian angel. My little angel.” Sam ducked down, meeting your lips with a soft, open-mouthed kiss, but not before his words sent a pang of anxiety through your body. It took a moment for you to reciprocate Sam’s kiss- you had to focus all your energy on keeping the lump that had formed in your throat from spilling to the surface.

Hiding your true identity from Sam was the hardest thing you had ever done, and yet the easiest choice you had ever made. You had been with him for years and had watched him and Dean go through so many horrible things. There were so many times you had wished you could step in- so many nightmares that could have been avoided if you had used your powers. But being a nephilim, you couldn’t. Because if you had, you would’ve had Heaven hellbent on your trail. And not just yours- anyone you had ever known or loved. Just the knowledge of your existence was a ticking time bomb, and the last thing you wanted to do was put yet another target on either Winchester’s back. 

It wasn’t without hard work that you had gone unnoticed this long. Keeping under the radar had been much easier before you had met Sam. You had spent more years than you could count traveling, reading, learning, anything to fill your seemingly endless time. You didn’t use your powers, didn’t meddle in matters of Heaven or Hell, you just kept a low profile. That was, until you crossed paths with two of the highest profiles out there- Sam and Dean Winchester.

Falling in love with Sam was the last thing you had ever planned to do. But the more time you spent with him, the more you were drawn to him. You marveled at the fact that anyone could meet him and not fall in love- a man so inherently good, so kind, practically an angel in his own right. Sometimes, it felt as though there were three forces that worked to keep you alive- your soul, your grace, and your love for Sam Winchester, all three intertwined, braided together to tether you to the Earth. 

So you stayed. You fought alongside Sam and Dean through every battle they faced. You did everything you could, finding ways to use your powers that would go undetected- by heaven and by the Winchesters. You could weaken demons and cast protection towards the boys, speed their healing subtly so that they wouldn’t notice. But there would be times when it would be far too dangerous to even let a glimpse of your powers show. Those were times that you would watch in agony as the man you loved faced horrors beyond your imagination. And those were the times you swore to protect him whenever you possibly could. 

Sometimes, however, things wouldn’t go to plan. You and the Winchesters were hunting a demon that had been causing trouble in a nearby town. Dean had suggested the three of you split up to try to catch the demon by surprise. You had protested, but the moment he barked the order, him and Sam had split, leaving you behind. You cursed to yourself, silently willing that you would find the demon first so you could smite him with ease and not risk either brother’s safety. 

Unfortunately, it hadn’t quite worked out that way. It had been well over an hour with no luck as you searched the stretch of abandoned warehouses. And neither you nor Dean could reach Sam’s phone. Fear set into your heart, a cocktail of worry and grace coursing through your veins. Your whole body was buzzing- normally, you would stop to calm it to avoid revealing yourself, but a horrible intuition left you no choice but to use it as fuel.

Meanwhile, Sam’s eyes blinked open, the dull pain in his head sharpening as he regained contact with his senses. There was a rope tied around him, anchoring him to a rickety chair and rubbing abrasively against his biceps. 

“Sam Winchester. Good to see ya, champ. Rare to find you without your partner in crime these days.” Blinking back the spots in his vision, Sam’s eyes focused on the man in front of him- scratch that, the demon, as revealed by a quick flash of black.

Sam, struggling against his restraints, retorted. “Dean will be here-” 

“Who said anything about Dean?” The demon cut him off, cocking his head. “I’m talking about your other little… friend. How’s it been, running all around town with that pet abomination of yours?” His smile was sickening, and there was something sinister about his words. He knew something Sam didn’t, and that was never a good thing.

“What are you talking about,” Sam hissed through clenched teeth.

“Nice try, Sam. Better get talking.” The demon sent Sam’s chair flying back into the wall to punctuate his command.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” The demon pulled Sam’s chair back to him.

“Oh, you really don’t know? Scout’s honor?” He paced a lap around Sam, lurking over him as spite radiated off his every stride. “That crafty little bitch. That’s too bad, I was hoping to ask you a few questions… I guess I have no use for you, but why not break the news before I kill you? Secrets don’t make friends, right?” He knelt, drawing himself eye to eye with Sam, before practically spitting the words. “That pretty little girlfriend of yours is really a-” 

Before the demon could finish the thought, he was flat against the wall and screaming his way back to Hell. Sam, still tied to the chair, had a view limited to the empty room in front of him and the vessel the demon once possessed, now slumped in a pile on the floor. He released a breath, having watched the danger dissipate, before tensing back up. Whatever was behind him was powerful. He could feel every hair standing up on the back of his neck as his pulse began to pick up rapidly. Something was screaming inside him, begging him to get out, get away. 

“Oh, Sammy. This wasn’t supposed to happen this way,” called the creature from behind him. The words hung heavy in the air, tinged with heartbreak. Sam froze. He knew the origin of the voice, but it couldn’t be. He whispered your name and you came running. 

“Sam, sweetheart. Are you okay?” You knelt to the floor in front of him, unsheathing your knife to cut away his binds. 

Sam simply stared in response, mouth slightly agape and confusion nestling into his furrowed brow. He opened his mouth to speak, but you cut him off.

“Cat’s out of the bag, I guess. I’m sorry. I really didn’t want it to happen this way.” Guilt weighed heavy on you, as if you had done something horribly wrong. No, it was always to keep him safe, you reminded yourself. 

Sam sat dumbfounded a moment longer. “What are you?” he finally coughed out. It was as if asking the question had triggered his brain to process the situation, and he tensed in preemptive self-defense. 

This was it. No going back now. “I’m a nephilim, Sam.” Saying the words out loud felt like lifting the world off your own shoulders and watching it crash down all around you.

Your confession melted Sam’s expression into a series of reactions. You watched him work through the idea as if he was tossing your heart back and forth in his hands, weighing its pros and cons. 

“Please tell me you understand why I didn’t tell you, Sam. Why I couldn’t-”

Sam’s tone was tense- his lack of reaction almost made things worse. “There’s no way you didn’t tell me about this. I’ve- we’ve known you for-”

“For years, Sam! Before you knew there were even angels, before Dean went to Hell, before you had any idea about the bigger picture! That just goes to show you, Sam- I’m not part of any of this! I’ve kept my head down for thousands of years, not raising any flags or drawing any attention to myself. And then I met you- I met you and I had to love you, Sam, I had to. And then I had to watch you go through so much pain and suffering and all I wanted to do was help however I could but I-”

“But you couldn’t. Because it would put you in danger.” If Sam had landed on a stance, you sure couldn’t decipher it. His voice was soft and gentle, but his jaw flexed and his expression narrowed.  

“It would put you in danger too, Sam. And Dean. And everyone else.” Your response was quick, calculated. You had played this conversation out too many times in your head. Except you never had thought very far beyond the why didn’t you tell me and into the well what the hell do we do now? 

There was silence for a beat.

“The demon knew.” Sam spoke somberly, like he was hand-delivering you a death sentence.

“And now you know,” you contended, defeated. A heartbroken breath wracked through your body, shuddering out of your lungs as you stabilized yourself to avoid teetering over. It was like the wind had been knocked out of you- like you and the man you loved most in the whole world had been plucked from safety and tossed out into open season.

“So what does this mean?” Sam’s tone sat on the fence between concern for your apparent emotions and the fear and confusion that had characterized the rest of your exchange. 

“It means you can’t tell a soul, Sam. Not Dean, not anyone. Anyone who knows is at risk. And it means I… should probably leave.” Your stomach churned as you spoke. All of your worst fears were materializing in front of you. Try as you might, even your powers couldn’t zap them away. Your eyes rose to meet Sam’s, and finally, you could read his expression with clarity.

“No,” Sam shook his head.

“Sam, I can’t put you in danger-”

“And I can’t lose you!” You recoiled at his outburst. “I can’t lose you.” The second utterance was softer, bearing a greater resemblance to the sweet words Sam often shared with you. 

“Sam, if anyone finds out…” you pleaded. As much as it broke your heart, you couldn’t bear to put Sam in any more danger.

“They won’t. Tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it.” Sam’s gaze was intense as he studied you. It was as if he was learning you all over again- like you were someone brand new to him. And yet, you could still see the love in his eyes. You were still you, after all. This was just a new layer of you. Sam had promised to love you, all of you. And if nothing else, he was a man of his word. He lifted a hand to your cheek and ran a thumb over your cheekbone, as if maybe you might feel different under his touch. And when you didn’t, his last scraps of hesitance melted away. Tears welled in your eyes. 

“Just… promise me not to tell Dean until we figure this out.”

“Promise not to tell me what?”

[t0rturedangel]

╭ . . . 𝚆𝚎𝚎𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚕 ੭

𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄, 𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐄 𝐓𝐖𝐎 ; ♰ ৎ﹕𝘦𝘹𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘢 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘶𝘮

TUMBLR DECIDED TO FUCK ME SO HARD BC IT CRASHED AND I LOST ALL OF MY ORIGNAL WORK. AUGHRRRRRRRR I'M GOING TO SCREAM SO HARD.

but here is scene two as promised my lovlies, I'm sorry that it's short

➷ ＰＲＥＶＩＯＵＳ ＳＣＥＮＥ | ＮＥＸＴ ＳＣＥＮＥ

With her fall,

the cherubim went mad,

with sorrow and hate

she now sat on jagged rocks

     You glared at the sky, or whatever it was above you- the bottom side of heaven? whatever it was, this place was not the earth the angels created nor was it the hell your Lucifer was dammed to but there is one thing for sure- you fucking hated this shithole. There was no life here (no life that was thriving, all the nature that could have been here is now reduced to rotten carcasses of what they used to be), just barren land with not a single soul in sight- besides yours of course though your soul was practically torn to shreds. 

     For endless days of your damned punishment you'd scream at the top of your lungs, begging heaven for it's forgiveness, to be let back in- making empty promises of never betraying them again. You'd sob into your hands when your voice finally gave up, your tears felt unusually acidic and whenever you did cry a weird feeling over came your senses, almost as if you had to get your hands on whatever moved- just as long as it didn't watch you. Eventually, when your crying sessions would end, you'd make an attempt to fly to heaven though their skies, those clouds you'd always rest on, the clouds you and Lucifer would fly through in utter glee were now so far to reach, no matter how fast and strong you flew. For hours, you'd manage to make your wings fly and then- they'd give up, your feathers simply gave up just as much as you did then once again you'd plunge down into the mossy yet rocky ground.

     ˓˓ HEAVEN! ʾʾ you screamed out as you fell ˓˓ HEAVEN FORGIVE ME! I BEG YOU! ʾʾ though as always your words were never heard, you were sure they could hear you- at least even some of them, perhaps St. Peter?... yeah you heard of him, you heard of his arrival- from who or where you cannot remember but you knew he was now by the gates of heaven allowing good moral souls to enter- GOD FUCKING DAMN IT YOU ARE MEANT TO BE WITH THEM! those shitbags dont care about anyone but them, they're selfish little fucks who only want to see the good- never the bad! Cant they open their fucking eyes to see that they aren't perfect?! 

     Sharp rocks dug into your back as you landed on them for the umpteenth time for that day, or week, or month- you didn't know any more, time was a concept you lost the knowledge to a while go, as much as other things. Your old social behavior was sure to have faltered, gone wrong, your mind had probably twisted into something horrific. That Cherub that once thrived is now dead, in her wake a new angel- a weeper angel now takes her place.

Now with heaven's ignorance and silence

the weeper lost hope for salvation,

and then she turned to the ground beneath her feet

     Out of sheer anger of the lack of reply from the heavenly skies, you kicked yet another rock out of your way- while flying from where it once stood the rock broke into several pieces. It's been so long. So long of you begging and pleading with heaven for one more chance and they have done nothing but ignore you, you'd tried so many times to reach out to them you flew for hours- screamed for days- wept so loud you were sure all three worlds could hear you crystal clear. ˓˓ GOD DAMNIT ʾʾ kicking more things you looked above you ˓˓ CAELO TE DAMNO! TE ANGELOS PATHETICUS OMNES ʾʾ 〔 DAMN YOU HEAVEN! DAMN ALL YOU PATHETIC ANGELS 〕 if heaven will not answer your calls, then you'll turn to hell. While yes, you saw Heaven as a choice first it was mainly because you could not bare to see Lucifer again, after you failed to keep his place in heaven he would surely hate you, he's want you to suffer but seeing as even heaven will not take you- Hell was your only chance of escapism, but how would you get there? Would you be able to stomp onto the ground with such power that the ground would crack and open up?

     Perhaps not, after all what if you end up on the earth's land- with humans, eugh, the thought of them makes your stomach twist, full of virtue or full of vice they were disgusting mortals- your presence would send them into insanity, they'd all go mad and kill one another and plus they were dirty, vile creatures- you felt that if you even saw one, they'd end up dead by your hands. Something was wrong with you, you never thought that way before. It was this isolation that was breaking your mind, you needed to get out and fast.

     again, but how? There was no way you were willing to break the ground, and the only other way to even get there was through the extermination- yes this was another thing you were aware of, after all Angels needed to pass through your current home to get to hell, so maybe just maybe while they're flying through the portal you'd be able to sneak in too. There was only one problem, you dont know where the portal appears, it never appears in the same place and whenever it does appear you're too far away.

     But, it was your only chance and you had to take it, or else you'd go truly mad, turn into a beast and kill anyone and anything you set your glossed over eyes on. Now the waiting game begins, though it wont take long at all- the last extermination was 350 days ago, you counted. Only 15 days left until you could be free from this torture.

     Forget heaven, forget it all- now hell is your new destination.

     ＷＡＩＴ ＦＯＲ ＭＥ ＨＥＬＬ

𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 ⠆(want to be reminded when I post a new chapter? Lmk!) ⸺ @reverse-soe @jellibean2018 @aliazy @sugarrush-blush @littledolly2345 @immahuman @marsilis @c0sm1cstqrsx @redqueeen99 @persephosposts