#“im gonna draw!!!!!!” then does a million other things

[captaincrumbz]

THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING!!!!!!!!!

[skitskatdacat63]

Mark Alan, Count of Queanbeyan

+ explanation & lore

Okay first I'll explain the drawing itself, and then go into Mark's lore a bit, so stay with me!!!

First of all, yep. Mark with long hair. When I first conceptualized how he'd look in this au, I just genuinely could not imagine him with the typical long curly wig. And that irked me, bcs its just sooooooo historically inaccurate for him to have had short hair, no wig. I sketched him and Jense out as chibis, I drew Mark with short hair, and literally wrote "haha wow he looks so bad with long hair!!" Hello, can I take back that statement? It's actually shocking how good he looks???? Maybe it's a testament to my skill that I could make this work. But I did! And man, shameful to admit, but this might be my best portrait ever 😭😭 Funny tho, guy I've barely drawn, and never as detailed as this, ends up being one of my favs. Mark, you bastard!!

^ lmao as you can see, I tried out a more Seb type wig and then realized ahhhhh nah, he needs a different style. And it worked so, yay!!! I've thought a lot recently, "man it would suck back then if you looked shitty in a wig" and I rescind that. I'm telling you, you think a man would look bad in a wig? I say think again, you're just not conceptualizing the right type of wig for him.

Also wow, its crazy thst I can finally actually visually see what he would look like next to others like Seb and Fernando in this au. Hehehe look at them!!! The boys!!!! Just need Jense :,)

Anyways, I digress, some lore notes about Mark since I don't think I've really talked about him in this au on main much.

He is, of course, Seb's closest servant. His Groom of the Bedchamber(yes that term makes me feel rabid.) He's actually also based on a real guy, whom was described as the Emperor's "favorite" and despite not technically having very important positions, he had a lot of influence because of his closeness and connection with the Emperor. So, yeah, I think that's gives a pretty good pic of Mark in this au :)

He's actually pretty satisfied with his role, but he does feel a bitter and jealous when interacting with others like Jenson and Fernando. Because Mark doesn't have a title, well not in the same way. He's a count, not a King, not a Prince. Yes he's nobility, but not in the same way. And he's satisfied being under Seb, because that's what Mark was raised to do, take care of and keep Seb in line. But often realizes he's never going to be on par with him, not in the same way Fernando can, even if he's Seb's closest confidant.

To build on that. He's very satisfied with his role, and even continues to be satisfied when Fernando comes into the picture. Fernando and Seb don't get along, Mark is always going to be the closest to Seb, always going to know him the best, take care of him the best. But he realizes, he would never get to marry Seb, he's not ranked high enough for that. He was raised to do what's best for the Emperor, he's never going to be able to compete with Seb the same way Fernando can. He really wants Seb and Fernando to succeed! To grow closer! But it still really hurts sometimes.

His closest friend, other than Seb, is Jenson of course(and eventually Fernando, after they stop growling at each other like they're Seb's dogs.) But he does get bitter about Jenson sometimes. Jenson is a prince, who had some great performances in battle. But eventually got tired of that lifestyle, and "retired" to being part of Seb's court. Mark can't really understand that. How do you throw that level of prestige and freedom away. How do you just become the Emperor's servant, when that was never what you were born for. But also, I think Jense definitely uplifts him, they just get along so well, and Jense truly cares for him, no other motives :)

LOL sorry I realize how depressing this sounds 😭 I think all of the above is just Mark at his most bitter, but he's genuinely pretty happy. Think of the whole "not bad for a number 2 driver thing", that's him in this AU. He knows his station, and god damn it, he's gonna be the best, most loyal groom there ever was!! He just cares for Seb so deeply, and it truly is his life path to serve him. Seb cares for him too, feels like he can always rely on him and always be reassured by him and his eternal presence in Seb's life. It's nice to have someone you can always fall back on. Sometimes literally. Yes he makes Mark carry him to bed.

Not to stray away from just Mark, but aaaaahhh the Martian in this AU. Just Mark having to put up with Seb's brattiness all the time, and care for him all the time :) He's so tired of catching Seb naked tho...Seb please put clothes on, this is not befitting of your station. Seb takes Mark with him everywhere, and they share the same bed on trips. Mark is always the first Seb goes to to ask his opinion. I said earlier that Mark feels like he cannot challenge Seb in the same way Fernando can, but Seb really wants him to honestly! He loves hearing Mark's thoughts and opinions. Mark is widely known as Seb's favorite, and is often seen as the second authority in the palace and in the court.

As for Webbonso? I think they really dislike each other in the beginning just because the roles that they're in. They both feel like they're pitted against each other, and ir doesn't help that Seb loves to tease them and often favor one in front of the other(he later realizes how shitty this is, and tries to rectify it, because he never intended to make them actually jealous, he just loves being bratty.) Eventually they realize they're in extremely similar situations(both beholden to and stuck eternally with the Emperor), and find comfort in each other in that.

Yep that's right...the palace is honestly one big polycule djkfkglg. But I hope thay explains Mark in this AU well enougg???? All you need to know: Seb's long-suffering servant.

[quitedisastrous]

life was so much easier three days ago when i was detaching myself from reality and spending all of my free time shiny hunting

[revasserium]

hi! I've been reading your opla!zoro stuff and I wanted to tell you your writing is so gorgeous! it's truly breathtaking, you're really talented ❤️ i've looked through your prompts tag, im not sure how requesting works, but could I ask for "edge of falling" or "the spaces between us" (whichever one you like the most) with zoro and fem!reader? i'm a goner for longing and feelings realization and the prompts give me those vibes, but i'm sure anything you write will be lovely <3

reqs are open!

the edge of falling

opla!zoro; 7,475 words; fluff and angst, hurt/comfort, passing mentions of: cult!, physical violence, & trauma/cult-programming, ex-cult member!reader, strawhat!reader, traumatized!reader, protective!zoro, healing from past trauma, learning to trust etc, angst with a happy ending!, a metric TON of plot

summary: "Lie to me," Time said to Love; Love smiled and said, "I promise, I'll never let you slip away."

a/n: thank u for the request anon!!! i uhm idk what happened with this fic tbh. there's def uh -- longing of SOME kind here??? welp. pls read the tw list! there's some dark-ish content in this. but i promise it ends well u__u

prelude: in which a fox teaches you to speak

Time is the greatest liar, so you are told, over and over and over. For the longest time, you think it’s the only truth you’ll ever know.

But we will live forever…

So long as you do the things you’re told. So long as you make the Fox happy. So long, so long, so long.

There is no way to mark the passage of time in the compound; with no sunlight to guide the way, you are left to other, more primal ways of keeping track — that elusive, silver-fish creature — time — always slipping through your fingers when want to hold on most.

You measure it in wounds, in the time it takes for a fresh wound to seal over, for the scab to break and reveal the soft, tender pink flesh beneath. You measure it in gulps of water, in bites of cold food, in the droplets of artificial rain that they let fall through the ceiling sometimes. You measure it in rewards too, in long baths and hot meals, in the evenings when the Fox would tell you stories in his low, lilting voice instead of leaving you in his seething silences.

And he is ever so good with stories. If you stay still and keep quiet, and let his voice wash over you like a hungry tide across a rain-starved beach, you can feel the words seeping into your bones, ringing out till they feel like nothing but god’s given truth.

As long as you’re good… I promise I’ll make you live forever.

Like this, you learn the weapon of words, the power of speech, how to listen for lies, and how to tell them, and tell them, and tell them.

The Fox is good at lying; you’ll just have to learn to be better.

act i: yet another sad, desperate soul

Roronoa Zoro has never been a man of many words, but it would be remiss to say that he isn’t a man of his word — you see, when he does speak, he speaks with intention. And always, with conviction.

“Hey. No one’s gonna hurt you anymore.”

This, then, is the first lie he tells you.

“Liar.” You spit out the word, drawing back, your body a tangle of livewire nerves, your eyes darting back and forth, an entire life’s worth of fight and flight caught on the hair-pin trigger of his breath as he jolts back slightly and blinks at you.

“Y-you — you can’t know that,” you say, your voice still ragged. But Zoro sees it for the attempt it is — an olive branch, however tentatively extended. And he takes it, wordlessly.

He nods once, reaching out to help you up. The compound crumbles around you, and you unconsciously wrap your arms around yourself, as if to hold yourself together, to keep from shattering into a hundred million tiny little shards of pain and mistrust.

“The fox-guy’s dead! But it looks like this whole island’s gonna blow!” Nami races out of the massive, temple-esque structure just as it starts to collapse from the inside out.

Luffy slingshots passed, cackling as Sanji and Usopp bring up the rear. On the Merry, Robin and Chopper are waiting, and the second Zoro manages to hoist you onto the main deck, the ship careens off into the dark tumult of waves.

You skitter away the minute Zoro’s arm slips from around your waist, and he turns to find you pressing yourself back against the railings, staring at them all with wide eyes, your expression caught halfway between fear and consternation. He takes half a step back, crossing his arms just as Luffy bounds forward with a bright, unassuming smile.

“Don’t worry! You’re safe now!” He makes to slap one of your shoulders but you duck out of the way, chewing on your bottom lip.

Robin clears her throat gently and offers you a smile, “We’re not going to hurt you.”

You narrow your eyes, your gaze darting between them like a trapped animal, but after another beat of stillness (punctuated only by Nami swearing softly to herself as she steers the Merry around a particularly difficult formation of rocks), your entire body seems to soften, and Zoro uncrosses his arms again, resting a hand casually on the hilt of his blades.

“Th-thank you…” you bob your head once, swallowing hard passed chapped lips and a raw throat. Your white linen dress is stained with blood and dirt, a tear at your collar making it slip from your shoulder.

“’S alright now, darlin’ — how bout we run you a nice, hot bath? I could cook you just about anything y’like. Fancy a drink as well? I think a bubbly would be good for a —”

“Lay off, cook.” Zoro cuts Sanji off with a scoff, barring Sanji’s approach with an arm in the gut.

You watch them with dark eyes, your expression curiously blank.

“Will you let me look at your wounds?” Chopper offers.

You jump a little at his voice, piping up from your left side. You glance at Zoro once before looking back at Chopper and nodding.

Sanji tucks his hands into his pockets and watches as Chopper leads you beneath the deck, Zoro following a few steps behind. He lights a cigarette as soon as the trap door clanks shut.

A beat of silence, and then —

“Wow, that island really, really sucked!” Luffy says, turning back to his crew.

Sanji lets out a puff of smoke as Usopp slumps down against the main mast with a groan.

“You can say that again.”

“What happened?” Robin asks.

Sanji sighs, shaking his head, “Trust me, you don’t wanna know.”

Below deck, Chopper dabs at your wounds with expert ease as you sit very still on the kitchen island and Zoro watches from the sofa, arms crossed loosely over his chest.

“These surface wounds aren’t that bad but…” Chopper trails off, his eyes running over the network of old scars that mar your skin, layers and layers of them — down your arms and along your torso.

“It’s fine,” you say, your voice smooth as polished marble, “I’m —” you swallow, “I’m fine.”

And if it weren’t for the hiccup, the slight hitch in your breath, you would’ve been utterly convincing. Your expression is flat, your voice, even more so.

Across the room, Zoro makes disbelieving noise, “If it hurts, just say so. Chopper’ll fix it.”

“I’m… I’m fine,” you say again, tugging at the sleeve of your torn shift, your tone now a bit more honest, your words tired and resigned. Zoro looks to Chopper, who gives a faint nod of acquiescence before Zoro stands up and jerks his head towards the door.

“Cook’s right — you should wash up before dinner.”

You follow him down the hallway, through a small door that leads into a washroom that’s much cleaner than one might expect a ship’s bathroom to be. A large, wooden soaking tub sits in the middle of the room, and a clean change of clothes has already been laid out on a bench next to the bath.

Zoro grunts after he takes a once-over of the room, satisfied that all’s in order, and makes to leave.

You tug at his sleeve, head lowered.

“Can you…” you lick your lips, “can you stay?”

Zoro glances down at your fingers curled into his shirt sleeve before his eyes flick up to find your face. You’re looking at some indiscriminate point over his left shoulder, but your lips are trembling and your jaw is set.

He lets out a long breath, slowly twisting his body towards the room and you.

“Sure.”

He makes a show of turning around to face the door as you slip off your clothes and sink into the steaming bath water. A long exhale and the light slosh of water is all the indication he gets that it’s safe to turn back around.

He leans himself against the door, his swords propped on his shoulder, his head lolled back, his eyes closed.

He listens to the soft sounds of the water, to the faint splashes as you rub the grit and grime from your skin, inch by inch.

“We were only allowed to bathe as a reward for doing a good deed.”

Your voice makes him open his eyes, his gaze focusing in on the shape of you, nearly submerged in the bathtub, your hair slick and sticking to your pale shoulders. Even in this dim lighting, he can see the patterns your scars make against your skin. Water glimmers along the contours of your face as you run your palms along your cheeks, rubbing at them till they’re ruddy with color.

Zoro ticks his tongue against his teeth, “Quit bein’ so rough,” he moves forward without thinking, reaching out a hand to help you with some of the more stubborn pieces of dirt but he pauses, realizing how utterly still you’ve gone.

You stare at him for a long moment before relaxing back into the water and shifting towards the edge of the tub to allow him better access.

He runs a callused thumb along your cheekbones, wiping away the remaining dirt there.

“What was a ‘good deed’?” he asks, letting the tips of his fingers skim the warm water’s surface.

You shrug, “Mostly anything that made Mr. Fox happy… so all of us would —” you take another breath, your hand opening and closing beneath the surface of the still bath water, “we’d spend all our waking hours trying to think of something — anything — that’d please him. No matter how small… no matter how… terrible.”

“This Mr. Fox… what was his deal, anyway?”

You stare down into the dark water, now rapidly cooling from warm to lukewarm.

You take a deep breath, lifting a hand out of the water to distort the image of your ghostly reflection.

“He… was a liar. Except… he could make all his lies sound like the truth.”

“It was uncanny, really,” Sanji says, now at full throttle in the kitchen prepping for dinner service, Usopp lounging on sofa, his feet propped up on the hanging table.

Chopper and Robin both frown.

“What do you mean?” Robin asks.

“It was like… the guy could say anything and make it sound like the truth — even though you knew somewhere inside you that it can’t be real. Like — he could tell you the sky was green and every single part of you would believe him, even though you’re outside and starin’ up at the sky.”

“Yeah! Like he said I’d never be able to beat him and… for a second, I kinda almost believed him!” Luffy offers, munching on a bushel of apples and spitting out the seeds.

Robin’s brows furrow, tapping at her chin with a thin finger.

“It sounds like the Uso-Uso no Mi…”

“Ugh, what a weird, scary power…” Chopper shudders, shaking his head, his tiny hooved hands coming up to cup his cheeks, “I’m sure it’d mess with people’s heads!”

“It sure did. But he also used it to feed false information to the Marines,” Nami says, slipping through the half-opened door to join the rest of the crew on the sofa, “ran a series of taverns that just so happened to be situated in major Marine towns.”

Sanji glances up from a huge, steaming pan of paella, a cigarette caught between his teeth.

“So what was his end goal then? Just to fuck over the Marines?”

Back in the bathroom, you run your fingers along the edge of the tub as if playing an invisible piano.

“Power, domination… I don’t think he had a goal or purpose… I think… he just got off on it…”

Your voice is light, conversational, almost as if you were talking about the weather. But Zoro sees the glazed look in your eyes, the tightness at the edges of your lips.

“You called me a liar,” he says, reaching into the tub and flicking you lightly with a bit of water.

You blink, a smile threatening the corners of your mouth.

“Yeah… guess I did.”

“I wasn’t lying.”

He pulls out his hand and wipes it on a towel, leaning back to stare at you.

You shrug, “Sometimes… people lie to others, and sometimes, people lie to themselves. It’s the ones we tell ourselves that are always the most convincing.”

“I don’t lie. ‘Specially not to myself.”

You let out a tiny laugh, “But I guess… sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough… it’ll just start to be come the truth.”

There’s a note of… something in your voice that Zoro doesn’t like, but he can’t put a name to the feeling so he stays quiet as you continue the laborious work of scrubbing your skin clean, till all the water in the tub’s gone cold.

The rest of the evening passes as most evenings on the Merry do after a big fight — with a lot of food and even more booze. With music and laughter, and new crew member, sitting in the corner, watching mostly and smiling occasionally. No one pushes you, though Sanji does make a valiant effort in getting you to admit to your favorite foods, and Luffy tries two or three times to drag you into the more raucous celebrations (mostly involving way too much meat being roasted on a spike).

No one questions the way Zoro never wanders too far.

No one questions the way your eyes track him around the room, or how, even when Robin and Nami finally get a laugh out of you, you still instinctively searched for Zoro’s figure till you’ve found it in the other corner, a bottle caught between his lips, his eyes half-shut but his gaze caught on you like a fish to a seaman’s hook.

act ii: everything and nothing

A week passes, and then another. And you slowly, but surely, come out of your shell — it’s a strange sort of blossoming, the way you reveal yourself in shards and pieces, jagged and jarring. The shrapnel bits of your personality peaking out amidst the flotsam and jetsam of all your manifold defense mechanisms.

You’re a brilliant liar, but even better at spotting a lie, and it’s a thing that none of the crew had ever really thought about until you’d come along, casually poking holes in their daily deceits.

“Mm! These pancakes are perfect! Just the way I like them!”

“The new dress looks beautiful, Nami.”

“I absolutely did not finish the last bag of popcorn… Luffy did it!”

You clear your throat.

“Okay fine… the pancakes were really good but… but I like them… sweeter.”

“The dress is… well, everything looks gorgeous on you, of course, you know that Nami! But — the color… clashes just a tiny little bit with your… hair.”

“I might’ve uh… taken a few bites out of the popcorn bag… last night… but I was keeping watch and I needed to keep my energy up!”

Robin titters, a sphinx-like smile spreading across her lips.

“Apparently, 60% of people lie at least once every 10 minutes,” she says, casually taking a sip of orange juice as Zoro runs through his daily training regime, seemingly unbothered by the chaos currently taking place on the main deck regarding the “popcorn incident”.

“Dunno why people bother,” Zoro says, working through a set of single-armed burpees.

“I suppose it’s just human nature. We want other people to like us… so we say what we think they might want to hear, instead of what we really think. It’s harmless, mostly,” Robin remarks, leaning back against a white planter box, basking in the shade of the tangerine trees.

“Till it isn’t,” Zoro says, finishing up his workout and pushing himself up for a long stretch. He casts his eyes once more towards where you’re now laughing as Usopp tries to think of some new tall tale to tell.

It only takes you half a second to turn your head, and Zoro wonders at the kind of life you might’ve led to make you so sensitive to another person’s gaze. What must’ve happened to warrant this kind of alertness? But then again, he’d been a hunter long enough to know exactly what being hunted looks like.

He caught a glimpse of it at the compound but — still, his fingers itch toward his swords, his jaw clenches tight enough for Robin to cock her head and raise a brow.

“Yes… until it isn’t…” she echoes, her eyes also trailing towards you.

Zoro holds your gaze for a second before rolling his shoulders and looking away, squinting at the far horizon.

“Oi. Looks like trouble.”

Robin straightens, and a second later, Chopper sounds the alarm from the crow’s nest.

“Marines! Marines!”

There is the shink of swords being drawn, the gentle echo of Robin’s voice as her arms multiply. There’s canon fire and a lot of yelling. But at the end, there’s only bodies and blood and the tattered remains of the Marine’s ship, bobbing in the stained sea below them.

“Should we go after them?” Sanji asks, lighting up a cig, watching as the tiny emergency boat rows off into the distance.

“Nah. We’ll be alright!” Luffy says, wiping a hand across his nose.

Zoro turns towards you, sheathing his swords.

“You alright?”

“I’m fine,” you say, your voice immediately taking on an unctuous sheen that makes Zoro take a step closer.

“You hurt anywhere?” he runs an appraising eye down your form and nods in the knowledge that at least you don’t look hurt.

“No… I —” you chew down on your bottom lip, fingers digging into the bare flesh of your arms. But you back away from him the moment he tries to take a step forward.

“Hey — quit that,” he taps at your wrist with the hilt of his sword, the touch hard but not harsh, forcing you to pull away.

“It’s — I’m — I’m alright,” you say, insistent and mollifying. Zoro runs his thumb against the hilt of his blades and scoffs.

“Liar,” he says, tossing the word casually back at you in a way that makes your breath hitch. Then, he turns, and marches below decks to tend to his own wounds.

A deafening silence rings out around you as you stare down at the ships blood-drenched planks before Robin places a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“C’mon now — lets get your back looked at.”

Below decks, you find Zoro dabbing gingerly at a large slash on his right arm.

“Here, you’ve missed a spot —” you reach out to take the iodine soaked cloth from Zoro’s hand, only to have him jerk away. You flinch back, wide-eyed.

Zoro softens, if only ever so slightly.

“I’m fine,” he says, a harsh edge to his voice as he goes back to trying to twist around himself enough to see the spot he’s missed. You purse your lips, watching him for a second, two seconds, three — before you glance back at the place Robin had been only to realize that she’d gone.

“May… I?” you reach out your hand, palm up, tentative and imploring. But you hold yourself still, waiting for Zoro to make the next move. And he does, eventually, sighing as he turns back around to drop the piece of cloth into your palm.

You reach forward as he turns to his side, offering up his arm as you slowly start to wipe away at the bits of dried blood caking his skin to reveal the raw, red gash, the angry, raised flesh around it. You lean forward, blowing slightly as you daub at the wound, making your way down his bicep till the entire cut’s been coated in iodine.

“There. All done.”

You lean back to toss the cloth into the sink but Zoro stops you. He catches your wrist in his good hand and with a slight tug, has you toppling forward towards his chest.

“Turn around.”

His voice is soft, but firm. And it leaves no room for protests as you stare at him for a long moment before sighing and resigning yourself to your fate. You turn to show him your back.

A disgruntled huff is all you get before you hear the distinct sounds of Zoro rummaging around the first aide kit for a fresh piece of cloth, and the pop of the iodine bottle opening again.

“Who did this?” he asks as he slowly reaches out to tug a thin spike from your skin, small as a needle and just as sharp. You bite back a wince.

“The porcupine guy…” your voice trails off as Zoro grunts.

“Right.”

He tugs out another spike; it tinks against the metal of the sink as he tosses it away. A brief sting, and then the cooling feeling of the iodine cloth.

After a few minutes of working in silence, Zoro sighs.

“Geez, he really got you bad, didn’t he?”

“Not really,” you say, and you feel Zoro’s hands pause.

“No?”

You shake your head, “I’ve… been through much worse… and lived to tell the tale so…”

Zoro doesn’t need to ask to know that you’re talking about your past on the island, inside that windowless compound. He can see it in the scars that mar nearly the entirety of your back, the criss-cross lines of what looks like knife-wounds, the occasional puckered marks that look suspiciously like burns. He steels himself then, and continues to work — plucking out a spike and cleaning out the wound.

“You were right,” he says, when he finally finishes cleaning up your back and you both straighten to face each other. He wipes his hands clean and winces slightly as he flexes his newly bandaged arm.

“Right about what?” your voice is innocent, but the flash in your eyes tells him that you know exactly what he’s talking about.

“That first day — I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t… make sure that no one ever hurt you again.”

His fingers curl into fists at his sides and you can see the muscle ticking in his jaw as he clenches his teeth.

You reach out, tracing a thumb along his jawline. When you pull back, there’s a small daub of blood on your finger and you wipe it away without breaking his gaze.

“No, you couldn’t but… you tried.”

Zoro scoffs, “Tryin’s not good enough.”

“No,” you jerk up to glare at him, your voice harsh in a way that he’s only ever heard right after they’d rescued you, the edges of your words raw and ragged as a serrated blade, “trying is everything.”

interlude: truth or dare

It gets better after that, and you grow and bloom and grow some more. Zoro does too, though in his own way — he gets stronger, gets faster, hits harder. And though you two never quite agree on anything, he is always by your side, and you’re somehow always by his.

“’M not even a lil drunk —”

“Liar~” you singsong, giggling as Zoro shakes his head, tipping the remains of a bottle of sake back down his throat before wiping at his lips with the back of his hand.

“Mm… ‘s that all I am to you? Just another guy who lies?” Zoro swings lazily on the hammock hung on the main deck, his eyes half-lidded and alight with the dancing firelight.

“Stupid question — drink,” you answer, bringing our own bottle up to your lips.

Zoro laughs, quiet and pleased as he reaches for a new bottle.

“Alright then — truth or dare?” he asks, uncorking the new bottle and reaching out to offer you some. You bat him away, your movements languid and heavy, your back pressed against a heavy wooden barrel, one leg propped up to support your arm, the other stretched out long and lithe in front of you.

“Truth,” you say, your voice easy, your smile even more so.

“Alright then — do you trust me?” Zoro’s voice dips, and your eyes flash up. There’s a sobering light somewhere behind the alcohol soaked haze clouding his gaze and you can tell by the steadiness of his hands that he’s not nearly as drunk as he might seem.

“What do you mean?” you ask, casually evading the question.

Zoro tuts, “’S not an answer.”

“I’m asking for a clarification.”

Zoro shakes his head, taking another soft swig, “Simple question — do you trust me?”

You purse your lips, mulling over the myriad answers you could provide and make it sound like the truth. But that’s not really how the game goes. So instead, you take a deep breath.

“I — I want to,” and it’s the way your voice breaks that makes it honest, the way you can’t hold the truth in by the seams of your careful cadence, no matter how hard you try to smooth out the ragged edges.

“So… that’s a no,” Zoro says, keeping his tone even. You can’t help reaching for him — imploring.

“Not yet but —”

“Why?”

“Why… what?”

“I guess…” Zoro leans back, casting his eyes up at the wild, dark sky, careening above the ship in an ecstatic spread of stars and, long sinuous, moon-silvered clouds, “why d’you want to trust me? Doesn’t seem like something you’d be eager to do after… y’know, everything.”

You lick your lips and stare into the empty bottom of your glass.

“Honestly?” you say, “because you’re kind of a shit liar —”

Zoro lets out a soft, rumbling laugh, but doesn’t deny it.

“But… also because you’re the only person I’ve met who… who treats words so carefully — I mean…” you swallow, leaning forward slightly as Zoro drops his gaze back down to you, “it’s like — my whole life has just been people saying things they don’t really mean, and never meaning what they say, and then trying to figure out what’s really happening — trying to say the right thing, not the thing you mean but the thing you think they’d want to hear —” your breath quickens, “and — and if you don’t or if you’re bad at it, then bad things happen to you and the people you care about —”

“Hey.”

A hand presses down on your shoulder and you gasp, your breath knifing through your chest as you clasp your shaking hands to your sternum.

“Breathe. You’re okay.”

You nod, unable to say anything as Zoro sits in front of you, his hand like an anchor in a summer storm, keeping you tethered.

You breathe and take stock of your limbs — feet, legs, hands, arms. It’s then that you realize Zoro’s crouching in front of you, your drink glass resting by his side.

“Thanks,” you say, nodding as he gives your shoulder a slight squeeze before pulling away. Physical touch has never been one of your strong points, and it seems Zoro’s learned that without you ever having to tell him.

It’s strange — the sudden knowledge that somehow, his understanding of you has been wordless and implicit. Complete, from nearly the day the Straw Hats had picked you up on that island. You’d never had to explain, never had to draw your boundaries.

And yet somehow, he knew. As if he’d always just known.

“Truth or dare?” you ask him, your voice barely a whisper, shifting to make more space for him on the dark deck of the ship’s forecastle. Zoro sits down in front of you, crossing his legs.

“Dare.”

You don’t fight the grin as it lifts the side of your lips.

The quiet pulses between the pair of you like a heartbeat.

“Tell me a secret.”

“Gotta be more specific,” Zoro’s grin lilts to mirror your own.

“Any secret,” you say, “something you… something you wouldn’t otherwise say out loud.”

“Isn’t that what a secret’s supposed to be? Something you don’t say?”

You laugh, tasting the sound like a mouthful of champagne, bubbling up through you and spiraling towards the endless summer’s night.

“Quit stalling!”

“Think I wanna kiss you.”

A gasp slices through the air between you. You feel the weight of it in your throat, the white-hot flicker of his gaze as he glances down at your lips. You wet them without thinking, and as Zoro lean’s in, you can sense the night around you slowly coalescing into something warm, something solid. Like a marble clutched in a child’s palm, or a pearl held on an oyster’s velvet tongue.

“Truth or dare?” he asks.

He stops just short of your lips, his nose almost grazing yours. You can nearly taste the sweet sake on his breath —

“Dare.”

“Close your eyes.”

Your lashes flutter and for a second, an eternity revolves in the space between your heartbeats. Faintly, you register the gentle rocking of the ship as an indolent wave catches her starboard side.

You close your eyes.

For a second, there is space. For a second, there is breath. For a second, there is gravity. And then — all of that disappears. All of it eclipsed by the kiss. And then, the kiss is all there is.

All there was, and ever will be.

There’s a graze of fingers against skin, the bump of legs against legs against thighs against knees — there’s knuckles and noses and hair falling, hair being tugged into closing fists. There’s the clink-clink-clink of earrings, and the clatter-clap-clat of swords and hilts and rough, wooden planks.

There’s the dull thunk and baseline rumble of a glass being knocked over and rolling away.

But all of that is afterthought. All of that is supplement, a postscript, marginalia and footnotes.

Because there, then — there is only the kiss, and nothing but the kiss: a catastrophe of inevitability, smooth as a secret, and whisper-sweet.

When the pair of you pull away, there’s a chaos of wings against your ribcage.

There’s the honeyed, lambent light in Zoro’s eyes as he grins down at you.

“Truth — or dare,” a breathless gasp punctuates your words.

Zoro’s grin only grows as he tips your chin back between his thumb and forefinger.

“Dare.”

It’s only then that you realize his cheeks are wine-flushed, his chest rising and falling nearly as fast as yours. You swallow slow and track his eyes as he watches the pale bob of your throat.

“Kiss me again.”

act iii: fool’s gold

It takes all of three hours for Sanji to get something out of Zoro, and three days before Robin and Nami manage to wheedle something out of you.

“No seriously! Things have been different since that one party we had —” Nami presses her palm to the kitchen table, here eyes wide. Robin sits on the couch, her expression one of mixed amusement and near academic interest.

“Different how?” you reach into the cookie jar and fish out a crumbled corner of what used to be a double chocolate chip cookie.

“Ugh! You know what I mean!” Nami turns to Robin, motioning towards you, “Help me here!”

Robin laughs, tossing up a graceful hand, “I suppose something does seem… changed.”

“Something?” you ask, licking at a smudge of chocolate on your thumb.

“Well…” Robin says, drawing out the syllable and making to examine the nails on her long, thin fingers, “it’s definitely not nothing.”

You allow yourself a smile, “Something’s definitely not nothing.”

Nami lets out a frustrated groan, but she’s smiling too.

It’s been long enough that you’d learned to relax around them, and you’d since also learned that nothing is so sacred as the sanctity of sisterhood. That bonds between friends might be forged in fire and brimstone, but bonds between women are forged in cinder and smoke — in the wreckage of after, when the fighting’s been done and all that’s left is the mending.

“What’s all this giggling about?” Zoro ducks into the half-ajar door, staring at the three of you.

Nami cocks an eyebrow; Robin shrugs.

You, for your part, smile and bat your lashes.

“Oh nothing,” you say.

“Just girl-talk,” offers Nami.

“Nothing to interest a legendary swordsman like yourself,” Robin polishes off.

Zoro’s eyes narrow, his gaze jumping between the three of you before it lands on you and he scoffs.

“Yeah, whatever. We’re docking soon.”

And that’s all he offers before sauntering back out of the room, leaving the door swinging behind him, but not before you catch sight of the redness at the tips of his ears as he hurries away.

You give it a beat of three seconds before pushing to your feet and following after, humming to yourself. Behind you, Nami and Robin share a knowing look.

“Definitely not nothing,” Robin says as she stands to follow you.

The island, if it can even be called that, is nothing more than a rough conglomeration of steep cliffs strapped together by a thin band of land barely wide enough to be categorized as a beach.

“Well! This is something!” Luffy declares, his arms akimbo on his hips as he stares at the island.

“Yeah… it’s uh… something for sure,” Usopp agrees, making a face as he squints at the cluster of rocks that look more like the jagged edges of a broken bottle than any kind of proper land formation.

“We’ll just anchor here for the night… get some good rest, and then...” Sanji’s words trail off, interrupted by a ghostly wail that rises from the gathering of dark cliffs, turning them into an echo chamber until it seems to rumble through the sand beneath them.

“… gold, all gold! — no, not a liar — please!”

A shiver etches itself up your spine and instinctively, you wrap your arms around yourself.

Zoro steps out in front of you, as if to shield you from whatever might come. His thumb presses against the hilt of his swords, his shoulders tense as corded wire.

“Uh… everyone else heard that too, right?” Chopper asks, peaking out from around Robin’s legs.

“Yep. Definitely not just you,” Sanji confirms.

Luffy grins, “Seems like there’s someone else on this island! Maybe they can show us around!”

Time passes by strangely on the island — one minute, the sun is still hanging low on the far horizon, and the next, the sky is the color of a bullet wound, darkness seeping in around the horizon.

“Whoever’s here on the island — they sure aren’t making it — easy —” Sanji grunts as he hoists himself up a slippery piece of rock face, sweat glistening on his forehead as he squints into the looming blackness.

“Luffy? You sure you know where we’re going?” Nami shouts, her voice ringing back in a way that makes everyone wince and cover their ears.

Zoro grabs your elbow a second before you slip, fingers digging into your flesh even as you steady yourself against him.

“Sorry — thanks,” you say, unsure of which one you really mean.

“Yeah! I can smell something — like a campfire! And… cooking!” Luffy’s voice calls back from somewhere in the gathering dark. Everyone shares a glance before bracing themselves and trudging on.

By the time you all catch up to Luffy, no one is certain of what time it is, only that it’s dark. But the kind of darkness that seems to cling to the skin — a darkness so dense it starts to take on shape and weight.

It presses in around you and you feel your breaths shortening in your chest.

Beside you, Zoro reaches out to brace a hand at the small of your back.

“Oh! I see a light ahead! C’mon!” Luffy’s voice rings out from somewhere up ahead, followed by the patter of sandals on stone. The rest of you follow, and then all too suddenly, light flickers to life in what seems to be a huge, subterranean cave deep within the cliffs of the island. It casts stark shadows against the slick, cavernous walls.

You frown, goosebumps rising along your arms and legs.

But before you have time to dwell on the wrongness of something there, Luffy’s voice snags your attention like a thread on an errant splinter.

“Hi! Oh, wow — that looks delicious!”

You turn a corner to find Luffy hunkering down over a blazing campfire and the silhouette of someone sitting opposite him, a sharp spike held out in front of them, turning slowly over the flickering flames.

“Oh… please… come join me — sit and listen to a story — I have so many stories — so many adventures to share!” the figure across the fire seems to quiver with the dancing flames, his voice filling up the whole of the cave, loud and boisterous and eager. But strange and hollow too.

You frown, chewing on the insides of your cheeks.

Ahead of you, Usopp and Chopper both take tentative seats next to Luffy, who had cheerfully plopped down next to the fire.

“Wow, this looks great! Are you here by yourself? I’m here with my crew! Are you a pirate too?” Luffy asks, his endless enthusiasm pouring from him like a spring.

Robin, Nami, and Sanji all hold back, but you take a step forward, and then another. Something compelling you towards the voice, pulling you closer. There’s a desperation, a loneliness with which you’re all too familiar — you inch closer, and then closer, till you’re almost level with Luffy, and you lower yourself to the ground next to him, Zoro dropping down beside you, his knee pressing against your leg in a silent reassurance.

“Come… come closer! It’s a good story — I promise!”

“Truth,” you mutter, just beneath your breath. Beside you, Zoro lets out a puff of breath, though his stance doesn’t loosen.

Behind you, you can hear the distinct sounds of the rest of the crew drawing just a step closer.

“Once upon a time… there was a city on an island where everything, and I mean everything was made of gold!”

The figure across the fire sounds cheered, elated even. Behind you, you feel Nami take half a step closer. Cold seeps into your veins despite the warm, dancing flames, and your fingers dig into the hard packed earth beneath you.

“I found it — I did! With my crew — the best sailors and seamen around! But the king… he was greedy! And he wanted his own men to take the treasures, so he forced me to lead them to the city again —”

“Truth,” you say again, but something in the tone of the figure’s voice makes you frown.

“Except… the city had gone… and there was nothing left… nothing but lies!”

You shudder back, swallowing hard. All around you, the darkness presses in with long, thin tendrils like so many loving fingers. The fire flares up, casting sparks up towards the cave’s ceiling, where stalagmites hang like broken teeth in a petrified monster’s maw.

“Oh… don’t be scared… come back — I won’t hurt you —”

“Liar!” you spit, the word scraping its way out of your throat.

Zoro leaps to his feet just as Luffy does the same. The fire flares again, a second before snuffing itself out, but in that second, you finally catch sight of the figure, hooded in shadow, sitting across from you — it has the shape of a man, tall and broad, but the limbs of a spindle-legged monster. It wears the darkness like a cloak, with beady, red eyes and a too-wide mouth.

“Don’t! Call me a liar! That’s what they called me — that’s what they called when they killed me! KILLED ME FOR TELLING THE TRUTH!”

You scramble back, Zoro nearly lifting you off the ground in his haste to pull you away. Luffy whips back his arm and swings it forward but all it catches is tendrils of shadow.

“Hey! That’s not nice!” he shakes off his fist, frowning as he stares at the bits of wriggling darkness still clinging to his skin.

“Run!” you shout as everyone bolts for the lightless path you all took to get to the heart of the cave.

“NOT A LIAR! NOT A LIAR! I FOUND IT! THE CITY! BELIEVE ME! BELIEVE ME!”

You clap your hands around your ears and race for what you hope is the exit. Behind you, you can hear the distinct sounds of Zoro’s blades whistling through the air*.*

“Damnit! How’dyou fight a shadow? There’s nothin’ to hit!”

“Quit tryna hit it and just run!” Sanji’s voice answers a second before he breezes passed you.

“Why don’t you believe me? Why?!”

“We — I believe you!” you shout, your chest a thundering mess of footfalls and scrambling bodies, and against all instinct, you turn around to face the darkness again, cupping your hands around your mouth, “I believe you! I know — I know you’re telling the truth!”

“What’re you doing?” Zoro asks, leveling himself by your side, his arm pressing against yours. Behind you, the thinnest sliver of light is creeping into the cave from what you assume is the entrance.

Morning. Has it really been that long?

Time is the greatest liar, you remember, suddenly, violently, the thought tearing through you like teeth.

“I — he’s telling the truth,” you say through gritted teeth, even as you take a few steps back. Inside the cave, the figure seems to shrink back from the encroaching light.

“What truth?” Zoro asks, his blade held aloft, his stance wide and ready.

“All of it,” you say, forcing your voice to be gentle, turning your face back towards the darkness, “I know, I can hear it — I know you’re telling the truth — about the island, the city — all of it!”

“Yes… all I wanted was to get back to the city… but… no one believe me… and I died… I died for it!”

“I know, and I’m sorry… no one should be punished for telling the truth —” your voice cracks.

“I tried!”

“I know…” you say as the figure shrinks and shrinks and shrinks and the light behind you grows and grows and grows, until you can feel the warm seeping into the skin of your back.

“And trying is everything,” you say, biting your lip as Zoro wraps an arm around your waist.

“Come with me… I’ll take you to the city — we can go together!”

You shake your head, heat prickling at your eyes as you turn away from the darkness of the cave and towards the light of the oncoming day.

“Liar…” the word falls from you like a rock, or a tear, cast off the cliff that greets you and Zoro as you both stare over the edge. The rest of the crew is nowhere to be found, but Zoro’s arm is still around your waist, and you can feel his warm breath by your cheek.

“Hey — do you trust me?”

You look up; in the dawning, morning light, Zoro, with his sun-kissed skin and dark moss hair appears to be limned in gold.

And maybe it’s the air, or the sea, or simply the angry pieces of this jagged, left-behind island of shadows like broken teeth trying to tear apart the sky, conducting his voice into a cacophony of echoes that sing and scream through the crags and eves of the valley beneath — but the whole island seems to reverberate with the question —

Do you trust me?

You close your eyes and breath. When you open them again, your heartbeat is steady. And when you speak, the rising sun streaks the tips of the saw-toothed peaks in strokes of molten gold. The valleys beneath you conduct your answer into an entire single-syllabled symphony —

Yes.

You feel his arm tighten around your waist, the wind as it tangles soft fingers in your hair. All around you, everything is light, and light, and light.

“Jump!”

You close your eyes, and jump.

-----

footnotes/appendix

uso-uso no mi translates to "lie-lie fruit"; i made it up bc it would be too op to have in the actual animanga i think

the "acts" refer to a classical 3-act structure that most movies/plays/scripts are written in: setup, confrontation, and resolution... with a smattering of other things sprinkled in for ~vibes~

in much of classical japanese and chinese mythology, foxes are associated with trickers and lies, often turning into beautiful women to deceive men, luring them into forests and mountains before taking their lives

the "figure" in the last scene is... can you guess? noland! kudos to anyone who figured it out as they were reading *\ (>o<) /*

did i absolutely take the "do you trust me" line from disney's aladdin??? HELL YEAH i did !!!! tru trust is my kink u__u

[lushaletta]

the ties that bind us / tom riddle

pairing: tom riddle x fem!reader

warnings: mentions of death and murder, muggleborn!reader, dark!tom

summary: finally, he has you.

a/n: LAST PART (maaaaybe??) OF THE TOM MINISERIES!! guys i can’t lie that one ask really drove me… thank u btw!! im honestly not sure if i like this but maybe in the future ill rework it?? i did no beta reading whatsoever ummm…

⋆ ࣪.  ⁺⑅ ⋰˚ *.ﾟ .˳⁺⁎˚ ˚⁎⁺˳ . ༺ ˖࣪ ˖࣪ ∗

It was late, too late, really, when you found him. Tom was sitting by the window of the library, the flickering candlelight casting shadows across his face. He looks something of an Adonis.

You smile when you see him. You always do. It’s been a little bit since you’d had any time to talk. Between Murphy, exams, and Camilla, you’ve been distracted. For a moment, as you look at him, staring into his pensive eyes, you dare to hope everything will turn out fine.

“Tom,” you whisper, his name slipping from your lips the way it always does. The way that reduces him to something so pathetic he scowls at the thought. Though this time, your call doesn’t seem to draw him in.

When he finally looks at you, there’s something different in his features. You soon realise there’s no contemplation on his face. Not anger or frustration either. It’s empty.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” you say, forcing a cheerful smile, but it falls weak in the heaviness of the air. You step forward.

“Have you?” His voice was flat, detached.

You nod, trying to settle the unease bubbling in your chest. “Of course I have. It’s not like you’ve been making it easy to find you lately,” you tease lightly, but his lips stay set in a tight line. There was no flicker of amusement. “What’s wrong?”

Tom’s gaze moves to the floor, fingers twitching against the edge of the table. A muscle in his jaw ticks and his eyes meet yours again, dark and unreadable.

“I need to tell you something,” he says, voice low, almost as if he’s speaking to himself.

"What did you do?” you say, accusingly.

The way he’s looks at you now, like he’s trying to memorise every detail of your face, twists your gut. You open your mouth to speak, to ask him again what was wrong, but he holds up a hand, silencing you.

“I never wanted this,” he whispers thickly.

You blink, confused, and your smile falters. "Wanted what?"

Tom stands slowly, with his every movement measured, deliberate. His eyes remain locked onto yours, and in this fleeting moment, you can almost see the boy behind that distant stare. The boy who sat with you under shaded trees, splitting your desserts and helping you with your homework like he didn’t have a million other things to occupy his time. But that’s a faint vision now.

"You were never meant to get this close," he says, chillingly cold. "I was gonna end it. But I couldn’t."

Your heart hammers. His words make no sense. He’s speaking to you as if you’re the cause of some great tragedy, but you could barely understand what he was saying.

“I was selfish,” he murmurs, more to himself than to you. “And you... you never should have been part of this.”

Your brows furrow. “Tom, what are you talking about?”

There was a flicker of something in his eyes—something raw, something desperate—but it disappears almost as quickly as it comes. "I killed him," he says flatly, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. "He was never meant to have you. You’re mine."

Your breath catches in your throat, confusion making way for something you can only describe as dread. The words don’t register at first, and then, like a punch to the stomach—it hits you. Murphy.

You think about it for a beat, the way Murphy held every door open for you like the chivalrous young gentleman he is. Or you suppose was. The way he laughed and his blond curls.

He’s dead.

And the sickening truth washes over you all at once. Your hands shake. “Tom,” you whisper, voice trembling. “You—what have you done?”

And then he catches it. It’s not fear in your eyes. It’s not the terror and disgust he prepared himself for. It was… pity. You pity him, like he’s some sad, lost cause.

“Tom...” you say quietly, steadily now. “Why?”

He turns away from you, his face tight, and for the first time in.. whatever this was, you saw the faintest chink in his armor.

“You should have stayed away from me,” he says, barely audible. “I killed him,” he adds, like he’s trying to drill it in your head. Make you understand the weight of what he’s done.

You understand just fine.

You open your mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He destroyed someone else. And in his twisted, fucked-up impression of love and obsession, he destroyed you too. And in doing so, he’s taken a piece of your soul with him. Split his own even further. You’ve become a pawn in his game of immortality, and you’ll play your part well, he knows you will. You have to, so he can keep you alive.

And it’s now that you realise the horror of it all. You don’t even mind. You don’t care. You know logically you’re probably some fleeting thing, a casualty of his ambition, something to be used. You’ve given him something he’s never asked for—something that now makes you his captive.

For a second, you see something human in his expression. Something like guilt, or whatever version of it he could experience. Then he’s back to being Tom Riddle, statuesque and cold. Dark. He pushes you away in the name of his plans, and yet he can’t stop himself bringing you closer. He did this to you.

Everything screams wrong, but you don’t hear it anymore. It’s just you. And Tom Riddle, who murdered a boy for you. Or for himself— you can’t quite say.

“But I’m here.”

He takes a tentative step towards you, like he’s expecting you to flinch and run. Like you’re some figment of his imagination that will disappear if he’s not careful. But he reaches out and touches your face and you don’t look away once. His thumbs run over your cheeks, committing each freckle to memory. “I love you.”

There it was.

You freeze for a fraction of a second, but there’s no hesitation. “I love you too, Tom,” you say,

There is no sudden revelation of goodness. Some redemption that makes it all okay or a fairytale ending. Instead it’s a bond, that you can’t will yourself to break, twisted and irreversible, that binds you to him. You don’t pull away, because this, at least, is your choice.

You’ve sealed your fate.

The cost of living is death. Tom knows that, better than anyone else. He’s fixated on his demise since boyhood.

And he knows, better than anyone else, that it is inevitable and out of his control.

But this? The smell of your strawberry hair and the treacle tarts and the way you dot your I’s with hearts?

He can put his plans on hold. For now.

taglist for this series!! @shen-liqin @opheliavarlettxx @kenjikishimotoswifey @mariamyousef702 @enidths @narwhal-swimmingintheocean @girlogies @unwrittenletter @helalokithor @lisv1n @rafeyswrd @universallyblizzardlove @sarcastic-wit @eminems4ev3rgirl @mastermindmiko @radioheademo

[pokeberry5]

do you have any tips for drawing dynamic poses? i always love the way you draw bodies!!

i know this has been said a million times but the way i draw bodies significantly improved after i started drawing more frequently from reference. if i cant find a reference for a pose on the internet, i'll just use myself or a friend. i spend an unfortunate amount of time just standing in front of my mirror looking at my own joints. pay attention to where your body curves!!

other than that though—honestly my anatomy/pose knowledge is a whack amalgamation of art tips i've accumulated over the years (i miss old school deviantart/tumblr style art tutorials). i also like to look at how artists i admire draw bodies—what details to they include, what anatomical short-hands etc

i think i'm still figuring out how to draw dynamic poses, but here are some cheats i've picked up (under the cut coz this got long again):

gonna use this stray!tim as a base

the easiest way for make up a pose is to start roughly with the head, collarbones, ribcage, and pelvis — you can build everything from there

here's a couple more of what i mean by the ribcage-pelvis deconstruction:

2. push your perspective a little!! imo things look more dynamic if you move your sight-line up or down—the horizontal orange line here. if you look at the panels above, the sight lines tend to be a little low, at around the character's torso or waist. i did the same below with stray!tim

to do this i usually try to get a sense of the space im working in by putting in some sloppy perspective grids

3. S curves!!! exaggerate the lines of the body. the body naturally has parallel horizontal lines—an easy way to get a body to look less rigid is to tilt those horizontal lines which in turn curves the vertical line of the body

this is what a mean by horizontal lines—usually i use the eyes, shoulders, and hips:

i'm gonna use caterina as a better example—usually you want the horizontal lines to sort of zigzag:

i've also picked up a couple visual tricks that don't exactly add dynamism to a pose? but they do give a static pose a little more oomph. a lot of this is done by visually highlighting one specific point of the body

for our purposes, i'm gonna make the focal point tim's face

motion blur! there are a couple ways to do this. i actually dont like working with traditional motion blur because you have to mess around with selections, so i usually fake motion blur using postional perspective blur:

2. gradient lighting—you can add a lot of depth this way. usually i like setting the gradient in the direction of the focal point, e.g. tim's face

below, i added a layer above the base drawing, used an airbrush to get this gradient, and then set the layer to color burn and lowered the opacity. you can also clip the lighting layer to the base drawing and set it to multiply

below, i did the opposite—instead of adding a gradient shadow, i added gradient light. i set the layer to add this time (instead of color burn) and then lowered the opacity again.

this kinda serves to desaturate the parts of the piece that are less important (ish i was kinda sloppy here), driving the eye to face—the most saturated. the motion blur does a similar thing, where the only thing "in focus" is tim's face

the gradient also sort of adds a directionality to the piece—it starts at the bottom right corner and goes up towards the upper left, causing your eye to follow that same path, which drags your gaze up tim's body

here's what it looks like when i combine 1 and 2:

3. chromatic aberration's been pretty popular recently. it does a similar thing as perspective blur but with more eyestrain (although i went with a really exaggerated version below just to show you what it does) but it looks cool!

bonus cryptid tim as a reward for getting to the end :-)

[purple-astronaut]

Ozai meeting kiyi~ we're gonna use the comics but edit it, a little (a lot)

"You think I can do better...." he asked. "Mhmm... do you want to?" Ursa asked. She was met with a look saying of course I do. Ursa laughed at her... husband - no, she had left they technically weren't married anymore... and technically, she had remarried. he had done a lot of bad things and had hurt their family in so many ways. But, he's working on himself for us... so it's complicated, ursa thought.

"Think he'll like me?" Kiyi asked her mother as she colored a drawing, "ZuZu still doesn't like dad. Why?" She looked up from her drawing. Ursa sighed and answered, "Your father wasn't the best person... he hurt a lot of people... including your siblings... but he wants to do better."

"Did he hurt you?"

"When he hurt your siblings, he lost my trust... but I did and do love him... but i value you and your siblings' happiness more."

"Very poetic and honest," azula said as she walked in and sat on the couch behind where kiyi and ursa sat on the floor. "Hi, lala!" Kiyi said. "Where is your brother and father?" Ursa asked. "Having a 'conversation' about how to behave," azula said. "Who did what?" Ursa said, shaking her head.

Azula chuckled. "It's not that funny," Ozai said, "He started it!" Zuko complained."You act like your five." Ozai said, rolling his eyes. Zuko scoffed, "And you're better? You had a freaking cape when you tried to take over the world!"

"And who's the one throwing a tantrum." Ozai responded

Kiyi giggled. "And you are?" Ozai asked, "Kiyi!!" "Nice to meet you, young lady. I think you're my daughter."

"You think? You don't remember smashing mom before she left?" Azula questioned

She was met with glares from both of her parents, "Guess not..." azula said. "What are you drawing?" Ozai asked, sitting down by kiyi. "A dragon!- What is that?" Kiyi asked point at ozai's feet. "Chains." Ozai responded.

The room got tense.

"Why?"

"Your brother and his friends think I'll run away."

"Will you?"

"No. Not in a million years." Ozai responded.

"Why is that?" Kiyi asked

"Because I want to get to know you... and be a father. " Ozai said

"To lala and zuzu as well?" Kiyi asked

"I don't think they'd want that... but if they do, yes." Ozai stated

Azula and zuko looked at each other. The room got quiet, and ozai broke the silence. He asked kiyi about the drawing she was making, and kiyi asked him tons of questions. "What's your favorite color?" Kiyi asked as she took a bite of her cookie, "gold." Ozai responded, "Would you still marry mommy if you had the chance?" She asked too everyone's surprise, but ozai's anwnwer was even more shocking."Yes, of course." He responded, not even taking a second to think about.

"I would do a lot of things differently if I had the chance...." he said, making eye contact with ursa. Ursa looked away, and ozai swears he could see a light blush on her cheeks.

"Ummm... what just happened?" Zuko whispered to Azula, "I-I think he's flirting... and mom is into it......... gross, " she replied.

Kiyi stood up, "Baby?" Ursa said

"So now that we are all here, and it's obvious these two still have the hots for each other, can I have a little brother?"

"Maybe," Ozai shrugged

Ursa face turned bright red, "Ozai!"

"What? Im not gonna crush her dreams!" Ozai said

"I'll talk to your farther about it." Ursa said, "Ikem doesn't want me." Kiyi said coldly, ozai knew she was wise for her age, but da##. "Yes, he does -" Ursa got cut off by kiyi. " NO, HE DOESN'T! I DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE HIM! It hurts, Mommy. He doesn't look at me the same..." Kiyi yelled, crying she ran to... ozai?

He held her awkwardly as he tried to comfort her, "It's ok, it's ok, my little dragon," Ozai said. Ursa started to cry as well she hated to see any of her children in pain. Ursa and Ikem's marriage had been rocky for a while, but after they found out that kiyi was not his, he had been more distant and treating them less and less like his family. Ursa hated it. She hated him. She thought she could learn to love him again, but her heart would always belong to ozai.

It took a while to get both Ursa and Kiyi to stop crying. " I love you very much, kiyi," Ursa said as she held her.

"So... where were these parenting skills when we were kids, huh?" Azula questioned

[funkii-fox]

Should I block the French Guy?

This mf has the audacity to pretend to agree that AI “art” is wrong, then STILL is using AI to generate images of his ocs. I posted the quote of Araki condemning AI “art” and this fucking guy has the audacity to like it, even tho I had him in mind while posting it.

I was like “yk, I havent seen this guy’s story in a while because it’s 100% hateful, maybe I should check to see if he still does.” The most recent one I could find was from September 8th in a highlight abt ocs, but that’s not to say he hasn’t used it since and just didn’t save it to highlight. Make of that what you will, but I choose to believe he’s still using AI. I remember once I even had a convo telling him to stop using AI, but bro just went “ok” and still used AI BRUH🗿

But guess what else I saw: he likes Jimmy 😭😭😭 this was 100% expected tho. He once changed his pfp to Curly and i was like “your ass is NOT Curly ur Jimmy bro.” He posted 3 whole stories abt the community judging ppl that like Jimmy. He compared it to how ppl like DIO and said its bc he has pretty privilege and not Jimmy and thats why ppl judge them. I won’t lie; yes, most ppl like DIO bc hes pretty and charming, but at least he has some types of redeeming qualities. Jimmy is just 100% asshole. Every scene you see of him is he’s being a jerk or a fuck up that says “i can fix this” but actually can’t. Mouthwashing is SO un-nuanced in the way you’re supposed to hate Jimmy, it’s amazing rlly. We’re not even shown much of his personal life or other aspects of his personality; unlike other antagonists like Kira or Diavolo.

Now, am I gonna throw rocks at your window for liking Jimmy? No. Do what you want. But, i will psychoanalyze you and conclude that you like him either for the abusive dynamic or you like him bc he’s like you. This guy 110% likes Jimmy bc he’s relatable.

Simply looking at it face value right now, the way this guy is so OBSESSED with other people is insane. 90% of my conversations w this guy has been bruja arianna, snerufu, antis, women who make self insert ocs, or his arch nemesis Fay that he just can’t stop stalking. It reminds me of how Jimmy was obsessed and jealous of Curly’s success. He is also negative all the time. Even when making a joke, the punchline is always someone else or a cheap horny joke that comes across as a 7th grader. It reminds me of how Jimmy HAD to take Curly saying “i want more in life” the wrong way. It even manifests in the way bro had Curly as his pfp; because he wants to be like Curly.

We met from me shitting on bruja arianna. My criticism came from logic and a want to make change in the community, but it’s clear now that his criticism comes from hate and insecurity. He’s so passionate about hate, i think it’s the only thing he’s passionate about. He’s not even passionate enough about his own ocs to draw them himself. He’s so hateful he makes fun of women in the fandom for damn near anything they do, as if millions of ppl don’t also see him as a woman and as if he never lived as a woman. Then he hides all of his edginess as “im French lol we’re just angry :p” be so serious

His only other characteristic is being hypocritical. This guy “doesn’t deserve hate��� but is constantly negative all the time. This guys gets upset at shit on a screen just to search it up more. This guy HATES bruja arianna for mocking trans men, yet all his male ocs are “androgynous” no mf they look like girls.

Chat, I don’t care anymore about being stalked. I’m stronger now. I have better things to worry about now that I have a life. I don’t care if he talks a lot of shit nor do I care if he “exposes” me for some made up bs. He can have a tantrum all he wants; i have better things to care about

Poll whether I should block him under the cut.

[gothimgem]

gu6chan here, since you mentioned interaction with sirene, three things that have been on my mind regarding her

1. When it comes to microwavable noodles, do you think she'd be more of a microwavable mac-and-cheese type girl or would she prefer maruchan instant noodles? Or would she like the more spicy kinda stuffs like Shin Noodle Soup

2. Would she like a snail? -courtesy of my own (nameless) DOD1.3 OC i need to finish lmao

3. Speaking of 1.3, spoiler-edition/part-two of sirene's 1.3 background when? 👀👀👀 i need to know what happens to her. Is she team arioch in the elf/priest drama

Okay i LIED haha take that fool i actually have FOUR things

4. not a question but a DEMAND she check in on my 50 year old hermit in DOD2 and make sure he has some company when he croaks. i cant offer cash idk would she like some daisy seeds or something??????? my poor little heart cant take him dying alone otherwise..... 🙏😭

also i have like a million other projects im working on and am headed back to college this coming week but if it's alright with you I'd like to draw dod2 Sirene eventually as well.... That's all lmao pardon the long ask

omg hi, so happy of you to reach out to me! i will be preoccupied with my studies but i can totes answer some questions about our honorary homicidal flower petal °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

1. not a microwave noodles fan tbh, i can see her tolerating cold noodles like udon or sōmen

2. snails are acceptable but she won’t know what to do with them, maybe try to scoop it out so she can keep the shell idk

3. i will get to heavier 1.3 details at a later date when it’s not a studying nursing concepts day, possibly sometime this weekend; thanks for reminding me

4. sirene may not have been close with leonard but she does do small check ups on him time to time when not killing the knights for unsavory actions; sometimes she’ll leave some flowers for him to have or whatever small trinkets she finds in the districts; however once she hears rumors of his behavior with the kids in the districts, she’s not gonna be thrilled about that, sylph’s trying to make sure she doesn’t kill one of her few allies left alive

and of course, absolutely draw dod2 sirene, you have my permission (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

[radroller]

CAPTAIN BRITAIN COSTUME RATINGS

Totally impromtu and totally subective to my tastes! Focusing on Brian because his are the costumes i have the strongest feelings towards. Here we goooo!!!!

Original: 6/10

This one is a-okay and ive seen it look really cool in the hands of some artists, but it’s not a fave. The mask is cool, i like the big lion, and the Union Jack armbands are pretty neat, but it just doesnt really come together to me. Also i think Lionheart wore it better, but nobody gives a damn about her 😔

Alan Davis design: 10/10

PLEASE look at this suit, the simple iconic design, the color placements, the boots, the COOL helmet with the chin guard, i love it so much. I used to be confused by the huge X his costume makes but it does fit with how much he associates with X-Men characters. This will always be one of my favorite Alan Davis designs, and now that I’ve seen the other potential costumes he drew when brainstorming i can say we hit the fucking jackpot here.

Alan Davis Redux: 9/10

I dont like this one as much as Davis’ original design, but it’s still really good. The color balance is more or less the same, and as as a person who has drawn the previous Captain Britain suit i do appreciate the simplification. Plus, the biggest thing I appreciate Davis bringing to Captain Britain’s design is his beefy physique, and that has yet to change. So what’s to complain about?

Britannic: 2/10

In terms of 90s redesigns this is about as inoffensive as you can get, but it’s so damn boring. This looks like something Brian would wear for some one-off Excalibur mission, but it’s just his regular suit. Hell it looks like an undersuit that’s missing some kinda armor! Literally only thing worse than this costume to me is the name “Britannic.” Like are you kidding me. The only reason he isnt 1/10 is this is some of the best hair Brian has ever had. Literally a helmetless version of any of his costumes with this flowing hair would be SICK.

King of Otherworld: 3/10

Really don’t give a fuck about this one tbh. It’s not all bad, it’s clearly drawing from his original costume with some of the iconography and i can certainly see that working, but without the mask??? The best part of his original costume??? Or maybe some variation on helmets? Also, again, Lionheart basically wore a version of this suit that was better in every way.

New Excalibur: 8/10

Okay now we’re talking!!! A nice update of the classic design that makes a few interesting changes. I always thought the black sleeves were kinda neat, as is the helmet resembling a more traditional superhero mask. The modern detailings, however, i’m completely indifferent toward. You could tell me this was Ultimate Captain Britain and id believe you (which is funny as some of the Ultimate designs resemble the classic suit way more than this one does). Still, not bad at all!

M.I. 13: 4/10

Im gonna be real, this is probably my least favorite one, but i don’t think it’s the worst. It’s just so bland. It’s not like a helmetless look couldnt work, Brian and Betsy rock that look quite a bit, and Ultimate Jamie Braddock KILLS with it. But like the overly simplistic design, thinner build, lame haircut, he’s just missing so many vital qualities.

Sword of Might: 7/10

This design is very cool and i love how it combines his og and classic looks in a more armored appearance. If he had blue covering his mouth this would be my favorite upgrade of his original design. However i ultimately don’t think this is a design id wanna see regularly because i just don’t like his original suit that much. But still, so cool to see!

Captain Avalon: 6/10

I greatly appreciate the return of the BEEF but i find this suit kinda mid. It’s just a Captain Britain reskin, like he’s Thunderstrike or the Scarlet Spider. But that’s perfectly okay. Frankly my biggest problem with it is that I don’t get why it exists. Like okay Brian is retired and he seems fine with that but there’s a million Captain Britains. There are LITERALLY retired Captain Britains hanging out in Otherworld all the time! Did they get new costumes too? Who knows. On the other hand, this is the least connected to Britain he’s ever been in terms of name and design, so in a way that makes it a secret 10/10!!! Wow!!!

[rainydawgradioblog]

my very indecisive ranking of an album which i find so fantastic that it’s nearly impossible for me to rank

one cold winter night in 2021, while i was doomscrolling through tiktok, i accidentally stumbled across an original song video by a girl who has become one of my all-time favorite artists. hana bryanne, a singer-songwriter and self-described “emotional brunette” (same.) came out with her debut album dollface in september of this year—and it blew. me. away. hana summarizes the essence of dollface to be “what it’s like being a very sensitive girl in a world that is not always particularly equipped to handle that,” and her beautiful emotional sensitivity clearly levels up her music. dollface is an exemplary member of my favorite genre, which is essentially "poetry with a backing instrumental track.” i love lyrics, and i especially love hana bryanne’s. i find it to be a steep challenge to properly rank an album i find truly amazing, as putting tracks near the bottom is genuinely painful, but i think i’ll manage. here goes nothing!

(TW: some mentions of sexual violence, suicide, and mental health struggle)

1: spades

my obsession with this song is never-ending. i couldn’t possibly be mad at any number-one picks for this album, but i didn’t have any trouble picking mine. the dreamy instrumental that picks up at the second verse, transitioning later into a fantastically swelling and somewhat frenetic electric guitar interlude, and hana’s haunting and beautiful vocals make this track sonically incredible. of course, the lyrics are equally as stunning. they deliver a simple yet poignant account of a past relationship you can’t quite shake the memories of, that haunts you “like a face or a song you should know/but you don’t,” this song communicates so much through sensory description, from “sweet was the smell of the flowers that grew here,” “hot was the taste of your breath in my mouth,” to “in the rain, will you touch me like i planned it?” the imagery of this song is simply delectable. hana draws you into her world, and it feels like you can feel things alongside her as she experiences them. spades is a masterpiece. 

2: dollface

the title track of this album does NOT disappoint. an account of the sexual violence that hana faced as a girl growing up in the age of the internet, this song leaves me gutted every time. the chorus brings a simplistically incredible set of lines: “and he’s gonna want you/and you’re gonna let him” and “he’s not gonna know you/so he’ll call you dollface” capture the certain resignation, defeatedness, and objectification of the issue with absolute stomach-dropping perfection. below is a quote of hana’s that she posted alongside dollface’s announcement that pairs perfectly with this song. it’s imperative that you all see it. 

3: clementine

it will never be an easy task to capture the depth of a mother-daughter relationship in any one form of art, but hana does a pretty damn good job. my standout lyrics from clementine are as follows: “at the edge of the bed/in my silhouette/solemn she says/‘i was beautiful then’/i take your hunger/make it mine/i’ll peel apart your clementines/just promise if i change my mind/i’ll still look like you” the inherent connection between a parent and child who have each other’s faces? the yearning of a mother to still look young as her daughter does? peeling clementines as an act of love? (im a sucker for it every time) the mother in the daughter’s silhouette? there’s so much i adore about this, and so much that could be said about it.

4: cool girl song

this is my college anthem. indeed, “i’m a million miles away,” and “pushing at my luck for some good fun.” something i love about this song is it’s acknowledgment of coolness as a complete illusion, and one that you have to work hard at too. “it’s a trick, and a good one.” very cool about it-esque, which this boygenius fanatic appreciates. i love a good account of the never-ending facade of being fine. when i walk around campus with this in my headphones, i can convince myself that i’m a cool girl™️ … plus it’s catchy as hell.

5: doing the play

i LOVE this song. this opening track sets up the coming album with ease and perfection. another song elevated by it’s gorgeous, dreamy instrumentals. i like to think of this song as a voicemail, or perhaps a letter. i won’t speculate on an artist’s personal life, but the message hana leaves—whatever its significance may be—is stunning. i particularly love “i go to bed with the same old jokes/i’d go to bat for the strangers first,” as a moment of striking self-reflection amid her memories. this song carries a certain nostalgia i can’t get enough of. 

6: visions

visions was released as a single in the spring, and i could not stop listening to it. hana repeats the line “i just can’t stand to be alone these days” throughout the song, and yet the line “keeps me like a secret, my own company/i’m reaping what i’ve sown” reveals a certain self-isolation at play in the same issue. hana sings about her ever-present loneliness while the instrumentals carry on steadily with the breeziness that she tries to convey to the rest of her world. an intentional choice, most likely, as hana has discussed concerning the track how “mental illness especially makes you a really good liar… self-isolation is really challenging and that’s what I wrote the song about.” (note-another perfect walking across campus song. enjoy.)

7: susannah at the wedding

this song is so good. i’m already questioning my ranking. this track 3 brings the most upbeat production out of any track on the album, and it is FUN! at least the instrumental is…the lyrics? well, that’s a different story. what i love about this choice is that the upbeatness of the track vs. the melancholy and frustration in the lyrics create a perfect conflict to mirror the internal conflict of feeling shitty at a wedding, an occasion that’s supposed to be idealistically fun and joyful. the outro, with it’s 9x repetition of “there’s no room in you for the things that i like” is a personal favorite. something about the anguish of an obsessively repeated outro will hit home every time. 

8: lake michigan

lines like “i have seen things i wish to tell you/i have seen things you’d never wish to know” make it feel like such a rich history backs this song, so in line with hana’s amazing personal authenticity. there is so much vulnerability in the words of this song, like so much of the album as a whole, and it elevates the experience of listening by 100 times. her vocal delivery shines on this song, like the emotion behind “come on baby try me/i can show you what dramatic is” which once again hits home for us sensitive, emotional girlies out there, and the crystal clarity of her voice on even the highest notes will never cease to be incredible. 

9: dollface reprise 

being a reprise, this track is much simpler than many of the others, but this only adds to its beauty. the quiet guitar and vocals make it feel so intimate and reflective, perfect for this song. the callback to 2021’s tiktok famous klepto in the bridge/outro was so exciting to hear, and so beautifully integrated to the new track. “i’ve got a good thing goin’/just gotta live a little longer” feels so familiar to the feeling of living on the permanent precipice of being a young person, constantly riding the line between exciting success and falling apart into utter chaos. 

as we get into the lower numbers, i will restate that the placement here is literally just because of my own personal sonic preferences. every single one of these songs is beautiful. go listen to dollface. 

10: valentine’s day

this song is beautiful and heartbreaking. hana has stated that her suicide attempt from 2022 inspired much of the content on this album, and this song definitely reads to me as having a lot of content about struggle with mental health, and the isolation and coldness of that experience. the theme of resignation and defeatedness that i think is done so beautifully in parts of this album returns with “they’ll drag me back down by my ankles/no fight, no light in my eyes/no sound.” 

11: news

my favorite lyrics from doing the play make a return! yippee! this is another track that i resonate with so well as a young person in the midst of the hurricane that is growing up. i love the lines “you tell me i’m changing, i say i know/but i still know how to put on a good show.” so much intrigue lies in the minute details of any song, and i adore the word choice on “i’m betting the news is good/i’m betting the news is just fine,” as whatever the news is, she isn’t actually hearing it. just betting. whether this is about news from back home, news about the world, news from an old friend or partner, or something else, this small detail holds so much meaning to me. 

12: clementine II 

this felt like the most reasonable bottom pick, solely because of it’s short length and lyrical simplicity, but it still hurts. i love this whole album!!! this song is still fantastic. following clementine. a song about a hana’s relationship with her mother, the lyrics of this song are devastating. “won’t you stay where i can see you/won’t you stay where i can go/won’t you stay where if i need to i can let you know.” this refrain is beautiful and heartbreaking. this woman knows just how to tug at my sad little college student heartstrings. brb, calling my mom as i write this (and shedding a tear, perhaps). 

and that’s it!!! a final note from hana’s words about the album: “dollface is about resilience.” this album delivers such a beautiful message and story through some of the most gorgeous-sounding vocals and instrumentals that i've heard this year. i hope i was able to communicate a fraction of this album’s genius. decide for yourself! pleaseee pretty please go listen to it! i’ll link it on spotify right down here. 

stay cool!!!!!!

K-MURPH 

[achoshistor]

[totk] alternate dimension???

HAHA ok i simply can't go without writing this down but this time i will try my best to omit all spelling errors to preserve readability... tbh i wouldnt read this if you havent finished the geoglyphs

[spoilers!!]

ok im gonna be honest i've only finished botw and totk so this is gonna be moreso why the alternate timeline from botw is plausible in comparison to the actual placement of the timeline bc thats too much thinking and its been like a million bajillion years since i read the historia.

ok so firstly zelda doing different things in the past is def why the line would have changed from botw to totk but why was zelda the one who went back in time?? In botw the divine beasts are literally analogous to the current sages which is basically

vah rudania/daruk = yunobo

vah naboris/urbosa = riju

vah ruta/mipha = sidon

vah medoh/revali = tulin

that covers all four but what about link?? link gets his own divine beast (master cycle) too so why is zelda the sage and not link?? besides i heard this mentioned somewhere else (i forgot where) but link has the ability to literally slow down time when hes drawing his bow or looking through the scope and he can pause time with the menu but idk if thats actually canon LOL. either way link can also control time like zelda. But speaking of divine beasts the 4 helms can be found in totk as well but the item descriptions call them zonai while the general look of the pieces is clearly sheikha which is weird cuz whaaaat?? also idk maybe nintendo just wanted a way to explain amiibo gear but this just suggests that the divine beasts themsleves are also zonai of some sort. Ik people are saying they dont mention the divine beasts at all but impa and i think like one or two other npcs mention them meaning they are still here but zonai somehow which doesnt make sense in the context of botw.

also aside from the divine beasts theres some other things of note too: firstly, your house in hateno which zelda STOLE 😭😭liek man i paid good money for that sign... 3000 rs.... this is p minor but why would she just take the sign away unless it wasnt already there?? I mean ok maybe link wanted to live with her

[zora arc spoilers]

anyways point two about yona... tbh i thought she was ganondorfs spy or something at first because she came out of nowhere... im assuming she's muzu's daughter but we saw no sign at all of her in botw... maybe the devs hated sidlink that much lolol. In all seriousness tbh her appearance does seem to point to a shift in the events of 100 years ago unless she's not from hyrule which seems unlikley seeing that sidon grew up in zora's domain according to the botw dlc.

[zora spoilers over]

ok last thing... the bottomless swamp is gone!!

like whaaat theres a pond there now

I'm like 99% sure this is just because they needed a body of water that you can drop into safely but its also the only pond on ground thats actually got the lily pads from the sky in it which is interesting. I don't think they added any other new bodies of water aside from this though. Lorewise though it makes no sense at all that they removed that whole giant skeleton from here in a few years and even if they did iirc the ground around it was crackly and dry. Lanaryu/Zorana used to all be a desert and they said it took hundreds of years for it to become fertile so its kind of nonsensical that this area would only take a little while...

overall i think this is probably just nintendo trying to make it so that totk can be standalone but man it cant be that hard to write coherent lore

[halflifedecay]

Depressive rant about game art jobs then divulging into health anxiety. more under the cut. feel free to disregard

Depressive and negative thought: sometimes I don't think I'm cut out for professional game art.. most concept art job apps almost always say "lead" or "senior". If they don't, they require 5 or more years of experience with a shipped game under your belt. They expect you to be a wizard of 2D and 3D tools. There is just so much to learn to be an employable concept artist these days with so little time left over after working to simply give myself a few dollars. It feels almost unattainable unless I get incredibly lucky and land a gig. i just wanna draw and more importantly, learn and grow.

I have to preface that i am incredibly fortunate to live with my partner who does support my career as well as financially. I do realize i have the luxury to focus on my work even if it means it does make me much, so long as i continue to work on it. but even with luxury of time, it still a struggle to make quality portfolio work while juggling a million otherprojects and personal things.

My parents still call me on the phone asking if I've been looking for jobs, I do but these job apps are dreadful as I've mentioned. I think why bother when I don't qualify based on these requirements.

Sometimes I wish I can just do my silly little drawings for myself, and do part time jobs, but I learned the hard way, that life is not for me. I did it and I was miserable, i worked 30 hrs a week and i barely had the time or energy to give to art. i feel behind enough as it is being 27 with no job prospects I don't really possess any other discernible skills to apply to a different job. I've made and accepted the choice of making art my job, and that means i may not want to do art all the time bc i am not 100% confident in my skills all the time. im working on being more confident so i can hit the ground running on what i need to do. I can't give up, I love art and I've put so much time, passion and thought into my craft.

Aside from getting a job that allows me to do something I love, I get a salary with, hopefully, good health insurance. I don't know if this is the state of US healthcare now, but in my area, its hard to find a PCP who isn't booked into the next year, and then the first one you get an appt for, cancels on you literally 10 mintes before the scheduled time. and so ive had to wait a couple extra weeks. My health anxiety lightening up leans on doctors to tell me i am infact, not dying, and no, i dont have a tumor bc my lungs and muscles feel funny sometimes. I catatophise about my health so much, im in this vicious cycle of random symptom occuring > becoming anxious > new symptom occurs or becomes worse bc of anxiety > sometimes these symptoms go away on their own > they dont > anxiety ensues. so these past few weeks, i occassionally get this voice that tells me im gonna die bc i am not 100% okay, just waiting for the day i can see my PCP and be told whats up. this isnt the first time this has happened, and when i do get checked out, it is something pretty normal and managable. i really want to see this PCP next week, have it be not much of anything, laugh it off, and just go back to drawing in peace and heal.

but for now i have to sit with that anxiety, and think, why do i feel this way. for starters, i started with my mother being anti-vax, im not going to even get into that now, then covid; fear that i got it at some point and i didn't know it (i never had loss of taste and smell, but did get sick a few times, and my rapid and pcr tests were negative). what if i did get covid and i am experiencing long covid? hence why i have random symptoms all the time? that amougst getting older and generally being pretty uneducated about what happens to your body after 25! i eat well, i stretch, i go outside and walk, yea i could absolutely exercise more, my mental is pretty good, i have a loving and supporting partner and family, i make art for a living, im still young, breathing and still making shit, why can't i get rid of this anxiety that im in terrible health.

that is all, any more and then i start worrying about it not being rambly, fixing errors, not the point here, just want to vent.

thanks for reading.

[thatautisticlesbian]

rant about everything

I love my girlfriends i cant wait till i move down to their state. but i am really going to miss my irl friends, spend 24 hours with 2 of them split across the weekend in 12 hour chunks 2 of my other friends were there for one 12 hour chunk too. lot of card games mostly grand archive tcg drafting. i need to go to bed but like i could just watch youtube and porn till morning and just not sleep. not the worst idea i do like my mid-day naps. my play some balatro or mtg had a really good game a bit ago. Love playing my imoti deck on arena cause like all ramp and big guys is so good, like what is good deck building and removal and shit nah boss, just cheat out ulamog and win or anything else sometimes you dont even need a wincon drawing 15 and having 100 damage on board is enough for most people to scoop but like thats not fun let me take my extra turn. also listening to a mix of slut emo and faggot music. why did life have to get good as the world is ending? like i barely got a chance to live before we started to die. being to young and shit for the era of fucking around and being an adult at the start of the finding out era is a bitch and a half like god damn but that depressing. my chest hurts. i should stretch. god damn are my girlfriends the most cute and perfect girls in the world i love them so much so very much. I want to kiss each and every one of them and have a wholelife time to devote to each of them so i can be the very best i can be for them. I love this song heavy metal is so fun sometimes like realizing you can understand what the twink is saying is fun. and god damn is the twink cute. i really need to get this job im going for lol starting to rack up a debt already owe 85 bucks to a friend for covering a few things, like i have cash but only like 300 bucks that isnt savings and i really hate having debt especially with friends. i want my girls here with me to convince me to go to bed and cuddle up all nice and close with them and just hold whoever is warmest close to me, in my arms forever. i just love them so much. im suprised with how few typos i am having that, normally when im dumb tired i make a few billion typos but like grammar yes and using commas like periods yeah, but hey. i think i will go to bed soon i dont care enough to keep my eyes open much longer. that's what my whole life is i dont have the willpower to do x or i dont have the means, but i guess that is just about all of us aint it. I need to watch like a million things and read a couple books. i love how i can just type like this on here, like i enjoy bluesky but it has the bullshit word limit which i hate so much that twitter has too. like there is no good reason for it i have never heard a good word towards it or anything. but here i can rant forever but a cut at the top and call it good and like tagging is so amazing when used right. i dont trust people who capitalize i when used as like i do. like do you dont value your time my love. idk i dont even know where my fingers would go to do that and rather be shoot then figure it out. my tongue feels weird no clue why i love how my body does hey we doing this now but jokes on you dumbass we aint telling you why. I used to hate the words aint and yall when i was 7 boils down to not liking my cosins who lived in the south and used those words but fuck that weird ass shit not really a fan of those kids still but like the words are hella useful and its a silly reason to strip words out of my lexicon i will whatever i want thank you very much speaking in a way to make myself understood is useful but also like aint nobody care. ok i'm gonna say goodnight to the pookies and my girls, then stretch then eep. I'm an eepy little princess. goodnight to the zero people who got this far.

[ambyandony]

not done yet but heres some notes

i use tizianos hair to cover things i do not want to draw (awesome shortcut)

squalo had a towel over his shoulder but it was actually more inconvenient to draw the towel than it was to just draw his collarbone so i made it fall off his shoulder (awesome shortcut)

tiziano doesnt wear eye makeup i think his eyes just look like that . because he is beautiful

i didnt get to draw squalos stupid anchor tattoo because its on the side of his other shoulder and the side of his right shoulder was hidden the entire fucking comic

(i draw him from the front and the back on page 2 but his shoulders are covered by tizianos arms the whole time)

i could give him another, larger, much stupider tattoo on his back, if im stupid

i fucking hate tizianos shades i should have never given him those. fuck

i actually drew them on a separate layer look . ive disappeared him

you can also see that ive started colouring squalo.

i didnt overline the background characters cuz fuckem

CROSSED. ARMS. THE WORST FUCKING THING TO DRAW

i never actually know how to draw squalos hair. i draw it pretty much the same with and without with headband even though i know that is not correct

i hate headbands too but thats not why i didnt draw them here (i assume theyre cloth and would get waterlogged and whatnot)

tiziano finally lost it (been too nice to people for too long)

the last minute inclusion of the portuguese man o war was in fact a stupid fucking idea

see the thing is that squalo actually does know exactly what he was grabbing and did in fact know in no uncertain terms that it was venomous and he grabbed it anyways so he could show tiziano the VENOMOUS CNIDARIAN HE WAS GRABBING OUT OF THE FUCKING OCEAN thats how you know hes stupid but not unintelligent. he Knows but fails to Apply the Knowledge

same man who puts metal in the toaster despite actively knowing exactly what is going to fucking happen when he does because the self preservation instincts keep kicking in late

but you know that if tiziano was about to do some shit like that he would lose his fucking mind because THATS A HORRIBLE IDEA WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT THAT IS SO DANGEROUS

apparently the dangerous things are only dangerous if they put his beautiful beloved Tiziano's well-being at risk

i think squalo could do with some GETTING MEDICATED FOR HIS SEVERE ADHD

for some reason his anxiety seems to be specifically about what other people think of him

thats trauma babeyyyyyyy

these men cant keep their hands off each other. but AT LEAST they are not sorbet and gelato

apparently i dont actually know what nipples look like. or chests.

i tried to load up google earth to take a look around naples for some bg ref images but it made me wait too long so im just gonna fuck around and find out!!!!!!!

lots of trouble trying to draw squalos stupid broken nose (he refuses to acknowledge that its broken and will regret that later)

since i was drawing squalo shirtless i actually looked up 'swimmers build' and just based his figure on that

i have to overline the second page twice because I had to redraw this panel a million fucking times because i couldn't get their heads the same size

you know the off-with-their-head thumb-across-neck threatening gesture thing? had to model that for myself and its really embarrassing to be making im-gonna-kill-you motions in the mirror as art reference. no nobody was around to see it but its still fucking embarrassing

AND I THINK I DREW IT WRONG ANYWAYS

do you ever accidentally switch to the fill tool instead of the pen tool

[carpisuns]

Do you have any art tips? Also, What platform do you use for your art?

ngl, i feel kind of silly giving art tips because i really don't know anything lol and my skills are still very Underdeveloped. but here is what I've found most helpful as I've been trying to improve. (these are more general tips rather than specific technical tips—hope that's ok!)

Oh and I use photoshop and a Wacom intuous tablet :)

Use references! I look at references with pretty much every single thing I ever draw lol I’m incapable of drawing purely from my imagination 😭 but using refs is good practice anyway. Sometimes I draw things based on a single reference but often I end up using multiple references for one drawing.

Study art that you like. This has been huge for me! I’m constantly staring at other people's art both out of admiration and for education haha. When I discover an artist whose style i really vibe with, I like to try to break it down and pinpoint exactly what I love about their art and what their strengths are so I can maybe try to incorporate it into my own art. A few of the ones I've probably studied the most are @bugaboo-n-bananoir @anna-scribbles @jooitshere @shishitsunari @celerydays @picayunearts @leviaana @masilvi @buggachat @ladyblargh @yunyin @sabertoothwalrus — all super skilled and talented and i learn a ton just from enjoying their art!

Draw what you want to draw. I don't often draw things just for practice—I draw things because I feel like it. So instead of saying, "Man, I have to practice drawing X thing until I'm really good at it, and then I can finally draw the idea I have," I say, "Okay, I want to draw this thing and it's kind of out of my comfort zone and I don't know how to draw it but I'm going to try to figure it out and learn as I go." This might seem kind of backwards so hopefully it's not terrible advice lol but I've personally found it to be a helpful approach. Drawing purely for practice will definitely help you improve and is probably the method recommended by 9/10 dentists, but I am the 10th dentist who says, "nah i'm just gonna do what i want" alsfkdafj. My skills are limited but I don't want that to stop me from trying stuff, and it's in the trying that I improve. Basically, all the drawings I post are my "practice drawings." Because almost everything I've posted (unless it's like a headshot at a 3/4 angle asdlkfjasjf) was out of my comfort zone a bit and I was not confident i could pull it off but I just tried and worked at it until I thought it looked ok lol

Don’t worry too much about “style.” I feel like a lot of artists (including me) overfocus on finding/developing a consistent art style, but I think it’s better to just draw lots and build your skills and have fun! Your art style will come through naturally as you do that. Also, there’s nothing wrong with variety. Not all your stuff will look the same, and that's okay. And chances are that your style looks more consistent to other people than it does to you. Even if your drawings look different, they’ll all still have your fingerprints on it and feel like you :)

Give yourself credit for the things you create. It's so, so hard not to compare and get discouraged. Everyone suffers from art envy and gets frustrated with themselves—I definitely do—but it's really important to be patience with yourself. Growth is not a linear journey. There will be ups and downs, and that's okay. I probably get the most frustrated with myself for struggling with anatomy/full-body drawings and for taking a million years on every simple-looking drawing lol. But it's helpful to compare my current work/skills with my past work/skills. When I feel like I'm improving at a snail's pace or not at all, it's nice to be able to look back at my older stuff and see that yeah, I still have a long way to go, but I've also come a long way, and I'm capable of going even further. There is a huge gap between where I am and where I'd like to be someday, but I'm working on being inspired by that gap rather than intimidated by it.

Sorry this turned out so long,,, im a huge rambler lol. but I hope this is helpful. best of luck and happy drawing!! 🤠💜