#“i needed one every year in high school”

[firedragon1321]

I've been out long enough. Time to discuss Thrift Shop from Kidz Bop Kids.

So the school that was basically a second household that abused me and convinced my autistic ass he couldn't do anything threw me ONE bone, and that was the spring concert. I did everything for the spring concert. Writing, acting, making props- you name it, I did it. It was- for a long time- the only thread connecting me to that place.

This also extended to the talent show in summer camp. I attended one year and replicated Katy Perry's Super Bowl concert, making nearly every prop AND playing Left Shark. They trusted me with the spring concert, and thus gave me an insane amount of power that I would never taste again.

Being as involved as I was, I also attended every rehearsal. Which means I heard every song over and over and over again. Which means if a song sucked, I had to grin and bear it.

Not anymore.

Because this school/summer program was for autistic people ages 3-21, there couldn't be any "bad words" in any song. But sometimes, you could skirt the line with Kidz Bop. So four kids got together and did Thrift Shop by Kidz Bop Kids. Important notes for additional context-

These kids could not sing. Like they were nice human beings (except the guy who needed to learn what boundaries in a relationship were), but they couldn't sing at all.

Thrift Shop by Kidz Bop Kids is a mangling of an already bad song, sung by high-pitched children who are too young to understand the context of the original.

The talent show rehearsal rolls around. These four get on stage. They sing. They leave. And then there's a problem in the schedule. Apparently, they were placed in two places in that schedule. So instead of doing anything sane- like, say, adjusting the computer and deleting the duplicate- they called them back up to sing it again.

And this wasn't just a rehearsal flub. Oh no. It happened again at the actual talent show. For the folks at home, that means I had to endure it four times. As sequential two for twos. Because of a mistake that wasn't corrected the first time.

And that's why Thrift Shop by Kidz Bop Kids is the single worst song on this list to have sex to. Followed closely by "She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain". I have never had sex.

I decided to look around on spotify and found this beauty

[yuurei20]

Summarized transcript of the Twisted Radio episode with Diasomnia! 🐉🦇⚔️⚡️

Highlights: A very good episode, all the Diasomnia VAs love their characters and each other’s characters and each other and it is very obvious when they interact.

Disclaimer: These are not direct quotes, this is all general summarizations and paraphrasing~

Begins with how they are happy to be all together in one place, for the first time in two years.

The opening talk set by last week: what do you find yourself buying when you travel?

⚡️It seems 🦦-kun wanted to buy a dragon sword… 🐉 I’ve bought one before. 🦇 Why wwww 🐉 In elementary school

On topic: 🐉 I love milk. Every time I go some place I buy milk to drink. A recent musical I was in traveled nationwide and the milk in Hokkaido is different depending upon the area. I was so happy.

🦇I like to get things to remind me of the trip. It doesn’t matter what they are. It doesn’t even have to be related to the area. Just a prize from a Game Center or a gacha toy or anything is fine.

⚔️ Dragons. Apparently they’re growing in popularity. 

He talks about how around high school everyone loses interest, but then you become an adult and are like “actually yeah dragons are great” ww

🦇 We should get on that bandwagon. Officially recognized by Diasomnia ww ⚔️ We have the most noble and beautiful dragon of them all 🦇 Out of all the dragons that there are, he certainly stands out

(Everyone is laughing so much they are having so much fun)

⚡️I like getting fruit or something that was made from things grown in the area, even if it’s temporary, to remember the taste

(⚡️ is the host so it is his job to keep them on subject ww there are a lot of cuts in this episode, they must have talked for so long and needed to cut it down)

Fan letter: I had a dream where I talked about how wonderful Malleus-sama is for ten hours. What strange dreams have you had before?

⚡️I have been seeing the same dream since I was a kid. A kind of horror dream. The same dream where I am being chased by something. 

⚔️ There are dreams I had as a kid that really left an impression on me. I remember them pretty well. Like one where I became a character from a cartoon that could fly. I became one of the main characters. An enemy would appear, someone would say “Let’s go!” and they’d all naturally start to fly. And even though I was a main character, I’d say “Let’s go!” and I was the only one who wouldn’t be able to fly. Everyone else flew off and I couldn’t. I was the main character and they all left me behind. I started crying that I couldn’t fly and then I woke up.

🦇 I’ve had a dream about situation where I could fly, too. Even though I could fly, when I jumped from somewhere high up instead of going straight I would go fly upwards, then think, “Yeah, I can fly,” and that is when I could go forward. I perform safety checks within my dream.

🐉 In a dream I had in university I could fly, but just some light floating. Everyone else travels very quickly, and at first I can as well, but then I get lower and lower, and soon I am floating about 5cm. I’m technically flying, but…I saw that dream a lot.

(This entire story ⚔️ is in the background dying of laughter)

About Malleus

He was very mysterious when he first appeared. ⚡️ says he had the feeling from the start that he was a very good character. 

🦇 He had an atmosphere of someone who is difficult to go near.

⚔️ I like Malleus-sama even more now than I did before. Not just what about him that is firm but his soft side, his warm side, his cold side—we can see so many aspects of his character now, which has made him even more captivating. Because he is so mysterious something even more wonderful than what I had imagined has emerged—that is the impression I have of him now.

🦇 They did a great job with his casting. I didn’t really know anything at first, but doing this for so long, you can tell how perfect 🐉-kun is for this part. 

🐉 I’m so happy :D

🦇 Of course everyone wants to know more in the beginning because of his cool voice, but 🐉-kun has a kindness to him. And that is what I came to understand. They took that into account when they chose him. When I figured that out, I was extremely impressed. This isn’t something that just anyone can do. It’s not enough to just provide a cool character voice. It’s a distinct charm that he has.

⚔️ The character is really packed with substance, but there’s still space left, and you can sense that mysteriousness. Because there is so much going on inside of him there are things for you to grasp at while simultaneously stirring your imagination. I really sense that.

🦇 When you try to think of other seiyuu like that, no one really comes to mind. It has to be 🐉-kun.

🐉 Is it okay if I start to cry?

⚔️ And when he sings…

⚡️ That humming…

⚔️ That was amazing.

🐉 That was so hard to do. They told me, “please hum like you mean it,” and I thought, “what is humming that you mean?” Humming that follows a melody, that becomes a sound. I had never done that before. It was really hard. We tried several different patterns.

⚔️ It was scary. Both an ending and a beginning.

🦇 But as the story continues I find him cute, too. And 🐉-kun is cute, too.

(Everyone is laughing, I think ⚔️ is going to die here)

🦇 No I’m serious, really, really. 

🐉 While portraying Malleus the difficult thing is always not showing too much emotion,.The direction I am always receiving is “you can’t become human.” They’ll say, “that take sounded just like a regular guy.” The balance of how his normal is not normal for a human is always hard to do. And post-overblot Malleus—they’ll tell me, “Sorry, but Malleus sounds kind of scary.” I often get told “can you control the darkness a bit.” But through all that how do I still portray Malleus-ness…

🦇 The more you read for a character the more you come to understand them, but Malleus was last.

🐉 There was a lot of uncertainty in the beginning. I have concluded that he is cute. He’s a child. He’s been alive longer than the others, but his emotional state hasn’t caught up to that. He has so much power, but he lacks the normal concept of common sense. Things that are common sense to him are not so to others. I am always trying to portray that unusual dichotomy.

⚔️ talks about being able to see Malleus grow up in Book 7 through the different milestones were see in the flashbacks. There are places where he has always been the same but parts about him that have evolved. ⚔️ tells 🐉 that it seems like that must have been hard.

🐉 It was so hard.  I think there’s probably a way of interacting with Malleus that's in line with how he understands things, even though I don't fully understand it. When encountering him for the first time, people around him might think, 'Wow, he doesn’t react at all!' But Malleus does react in his own way. I would receive many detailed directions like 'Please be surprised!' or 'Please react!' I didn’t create this performance all by myself, it has come together from the efforts of the staff, and I’m really grateful for that. I tend to lose track of what was the right way to approach things as Malleus. You can get confused between doing events and the main story, so getting back into the right mindset every time is pretty tough.

About Silver

🐉 I thought he was really cool when I saw him the first time.

⚡️ I think it’s cute how he falls asleep—he’ll wake up, apologize, and then immediately sleep again.

🦇 He’s really pretty.

🐉 I thought he had a beautiful face the first time I saw him.

⚔️ My portrayal of him hasn’t really changed since the beginning. We’ve gotten more information and there is more of a backbone now, and of course things change when new things are revealed. Even from the beginning he wasn’t just a cool character, he had a naturalness to him, and not just that he spaces out, but he tries to solve his problems with physical strength. Like in Book 7 with “if I hit it that will fix it.” I think his humanity is being expressed more these days.

🦇 It took a while, yeah?

⚔️ It took so long.

🦇 It took us a while to get to Malleus, too, but he had the impact of his first appearance. Silver didn’t have anything.

Now they’re talking about Lilia’s farewell party and Malleus and Silver crying together and not knowing how to express their emotions. Trying to be mature. 

⚔️ He’s being a big brother to Silver!!

🦇 I figured something was coming soon, after that. And it went in an intense direction.

⚔️ There is so much about them that is a family. Father is Lilia, and Malleus-sama has a big-brother nature to him.

🐉 You really feel their familial relationship.

⚔️ He felt some responsibility. If the little brother starts to cry, the older brother—

🐉 He can’t cry.

⚔️ He’ll get desperate to try and be strong and try to solve the problem.

🐉 Like he has to step up.

🦇 So it was Silver’s fault.

⚡️⚔️🐉wwwwww

⚔️Not all of it. Silver would never say this, but the reason things became so difficult for the two of them is…their love for their father.

🦇 Sebek and Silver are a good combination, too.

⚔️ Such a good combination~~~

🦇 They’re complete opposites but they’re also surprisingly similar.

⚡️They’re both so honest.

🐉 They’re honest and serious and good kids, both of them.

⚡️ They never had the opportunity to show emotion like that until 7. They are both very quick to cry.

🐉 They’re so much alike.

⚡️I guess this is what happens when you’re raised together with someone. I think Silver is the older brother, looking from Sebek’s perspective. There is a moment where Sebek is scolded for the first time. In the moment, when I was reading, ⚔️’s portrayal really is angry. I even said it, “He finally scolded him for the first time.”

About Sebek

⚡️I think he empowers himself by speaking so loudly. Once he decides on doing something, he goes straight for it, true to his unique magic. With how strongly he sticks to his principles it’s like he could overcome any obstacle, like in that scene he had with Silver, but it was very cute that he actually loses there.

⚔️THAT WAS SO CUTE. That was a great part. 

(⚔️ is literally yelling into his mic about how cute Sebek is)

⚡️The fact that he was able to get out the words he really wanted to say after he lost the fight shows that he does want to say what is on his mind but there is a wall that he has to break down, and then he can move forward. That is a moment where you can really understand Sebek-kun’s feelings. And once he lets his emotions out, they’re out w

🐉 He can’t put the lid back on. Everything spills out.

⚔️ (dying in the background)

⚡️talks about how much effort Sebek puts into everything and he reads so much and there is so much he wants people to know, which is why he is so loud.

🦇Sebek and Silver have both had a lot more lines recently. Doesn’t your voice get worn out during recordings?

⚡️It doesn’t! I do stretches and things before recordings. I figured out that I need that kind of physical exercise to prepare.

About Lilia

⚡️ Mom.

🐉 A cute mom.

⚡️There was a lot of gaps* in 7.

*I can’t figure out a good way to say this in English. It is the difference between what you expect and what something really is.

🐉 Too many gaps, it was so surprising.

🦇 I had heard nothing about any of that.

⚡️ I had an image of him as someone who is gentle and cute and a senpai who enjoys pranks and looks out for others…

🦇 He used to be completely different.

⚡️And there was egg-sama.

🐉 Egg-sama w

⚡️⚔️It’s not inaccurate.

🦇 I have done a lot of crying scenes before. When you first look at the script it hits you, and when you think about how you have to portray what you just read so that the people listening to your performance feel the same emotion—there is a pressure to that. I can’t be the only one crying. I have to make others cry.

⚔️ Something that 🦇-san said (during the special talk show that 🦇 and 🐉 did together last year talking about Book 7 just the two of them) that I really liked and wanted to ask about: You and Baul’s VA Koyasu-san (🐊) have been performing together a lot over the years. And you came back together for the first time in a while for this. You said that you didn’t want to give him the impression of “So this is what 🦇 is like these days.” So there was that pressure, you didn’t want to give an embarrassing performance in front of him, and I realized that you have a passionate spirit that you don’t really show, in my opinion—but it’s there! I got really excited about that.

🐉 I was surprised, too, that even 🦇-san has those same thoughts.

⚡️Same!

🦇 Of course I do. The pressure was intense. I am glad that we were able to record together, but…

And with the Chapter 13 release announcement they say they have permission to share this information:

🦇 and 🐉 were able to record together!

🐉 It was amazing. It was truly an amazing time for me.

🦇 It was our first time performing together.

Upcoming calendar review~ and done!

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

[9:43 pm]

(cw: f!reader, Mark is drunk)

"Fuck yeah! Keg stand champion!" You hear someone yell as you make your way into the crowded living room of the NXT frat house.

You hadn't planned on being here tonight. You had some assignments you wanted to get a jump on, you hadn't been in the best mood all day, and you didn't feel like spending your night around a bunch of drunken, bumbling idiots.

So how did you end up here? Your drunk, bumbling boyfriend fratboy!Mark. Well, not him directly. He'd been a little whiny when you told him you weren't going to come to the party tonight, but he understood your reasoning and didn't push. You'd actually gotten a call from Johnny about 20 minutes ago asking you to come help with Mark.

Mark was a lightweight, like a featherweight even. If he even smelled alcohol, he got tipsy. For the most part, during parties, you put yourself in charge of making sure Mark didn't get too drunk. When he got too drunk he got messy. Without you being there, there was no one to be in charge. You should have guessed you'd be getting this call at some point in the night, but not less than an hour after the party began.

You elbow past some drunk party goers and make your way upstairs toward one of the bathrooms that's always off limits during parties. You knock, hearing a muffled, "occupied! Use a bathroom downstairs!"

"Johnny," you reply, "it's me."

You hear a retch and cringe, listening as Johnny pulls the door open. He let's out a sigh of relief, "I'm sorry, he just wouldn't stop crying because he missed you. I don't know how you deal with this. He's fine with you, right?"

"Of course he is. Thanks for calling, enjoy your party," you nod with a smile.

Johnny leaves you and Mark alone in the bathroom and you take to helping Mark out. You rub his back and give him the water bottle Johnny had left on the counter for him. Mark is groaning the whole time, eyes shut as he curls in on himself. After about 15 minutes you know that he's done.

He's slumped against the toilet bowl when you pat his cheek, "come on, babe. Let's get you back to bed."

He doesn't even open his eyes as he whines, "not goin' to my room wi' you."

"We need to get you to bed, babe, come on," you prod.

His eyes snap open as he lifts his head, "Stop callin' me babe. Look, I have a girlfriend alright. She won't be happy if I bring another girl to my room."

"Mark, I am your girlfriend," you explain.

"No, you're not," Mark shakes his head like a child, "my girlfriend didn't wanna come out tonight, and she said— she said she's not comin' tonight." He's looking up at you with tears in his eyes, "I really miss 'er."

You crouch down beside him, cupping his cheek as you coo, "baby, I'm here. It's me."

"No, you're not you!" He squints at you, rubbing his eyes and grumbling about needing his glasses, "if you're my girlfriend, tell me something only my girlfriend would know."

You stare at Mark blankly, as his girlfriend since senior year of high school, there's a lot of things only you would know. You shrug and answer anyway, "when we lost our virginities to each other you cried."

"My mom knows that too, pick something else!"

"Mark, why would you tell your mom about that?" You ask incredulously.

"She loves me!" He cries, "just like my girlfriend! I miss my girlfriend!"

"Oh my— Mark Lee. It's me, I'm your girlfriend. You text me every time you need to wash your sheets because you forget how much detergent you need, you like it when I kiss below your ear, you keep snacks under your bed for midnight snacks, and you have a crush on the librarian on the third floor for some reason," you list off.

"Oh, my snuggle muffin! It is you! I missed you!" Mark exclaims as he throws himself into your lap, embracing you tightly.

You laugh, brushing your fingers through his damp hair, "I told you. Can we get you to bed now?"

"You're staying right?"

"Yes, Mark."

[ashironie]

As a high schooler, one thing that really discourages perseverance is grades. Most of us are taught we need to do it 100% right as soon as we learn it then forget it immediately after to learn the new thing. History is one of the few subjects i feel heavily encourages remembering things and that doesn’t have focus on instant correctness. I understand teachers are not given the time to walk through it so students can learn and go back to it throughout the year, and i’m not talking about them. A system that doesn’t allow for the one thing it’s built to do, learning, is a bad system.

When a deadline is coming up and i know i won’t be able to do it well in the time given, i cannot turn off the part of my brain that says i just shouldn’t try. If i know i can’t get an A or even a B in any world (even if i will get an A for C work) i instantly don’t care. I have too many other classes and too many things outside of school and too many things at home to add the stress of something that i couldn’t do well.

I personally have never used AI for any assignments, but if my friends did i wouldn’t care. In one class my teacher says we should have an hour of homework per night (it is and AP class) which means that homework would take me three times as long. Then i have Every Other Fucking Class, so three hours for one class, an hour for another, two for another, and that’s 6 hours. I do not have Six Fucking Hours. And my school is one that has minimal homework. My middle school had an hour for homework every night for one class, my AP class doesn’t even do it every night, and then the other classes and the disability multiplier, i couldn’t do the homework in the allotted time, so i didn’t. And when i did if i couldn’t knock it out easy i would be late for every other class.

I failed Math in middle school, and Now, three years later, i am in an AP math class. I can do the work, i can be smart, just not instantly.

Something I don't think we talk enough about in discussions surrounding AI is the loss of perseverance.

I have a friend who works in education and he told me about how he was working with a small group of HS students to develop a new school sports chant. This was a very daunting task for the group, in large part because many had learning disabilities related to reading and writing, so coming up with a catchy, hard-hitting, probably rhyming, poetry-esque piece of collaborative writing felt like something outside of their skill range. But it wasn't! I knew that, he knew that, and he worked damn hard to convince the kids of that too. Even if the end result was terrible (by someone else's standards), we knew they had it in them to complete the piece and feel super proud of their creation.

Fast-forward a few days and he reports back that yes they have a chant now... but it's 99% AI. It was made by Chat-GPT. Once the kids realized they could just ask the bot to do the hard thing for them - and do it "better" than they (supposedly) ever could - that's the only route they were willing to take. It was either use Chat-GPT or don't do it at all. And I was just so devastated to hear this because Jesus Christ, struggling is important. Of course most 14-18 year olds aren't going to see the merit of that, let alone understand why that process (attempting something new and challenging) is more valuable than the end result (a "good" chant), but as adults we all have a responsibility to coach them through that messy process. Except that's become damn near impossible with an Instantly Do The Thing app in everyone's pocket. Yes, AI is fucking awful because of plagiarism and misinformation and the environmental impact, but it's also keeping people - particularly young people - from developing perseverance. It's not just important that you learn to write your own stuff because of intellectual agency, but because writing is hard and it's crucial that you learn how to persevere through doing hard things.

Write a shitty poem. Write an essay where half the textual 'evidence' doesn't track. Write an awkward as fuck email with an equally embarrassing typo. Every time you do you're not just developing that particular skill, you're also learning that you did something badly and the world didn't end. You can get through things! You can get through challenging things! Not everything in life has to be perfect but you know what? You'll only improve at the challenging stuff if you do a whole lot of it badly first. The ability to say, "I didn't think I could do that but I did it anyway. It's not great, but I did it," is SO IMPORTANT for developing confidence across the board, not just in these specific tasks.

Idk I'm just really worried about kids having to grow up in a world where (for a variety of reasons beyond just AI) they're not given the chance to struggle through new and challenging things like we used to.

[dreamsteddie]

Can't Take My Eyes Off You

Written for the @stmarchmm day one prompt “courting rituals” | Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Courting Rituals, Alpha Eddie Munson, Omega Steve Harrington - Also on Ao3

Bat divider -@popmilky | Diamond divider - @inklore

Eddie knows he doesn’t have much going for him in terms of mating material.

Despite presenting as an Alpha early at age twelve, something that should have given him some kind of status in a town like Hawkins, there’s always been something about him that makes people turn their noses up at him, close doors in his face. He’s kind of wishy-washy when it comes to the things he’s not passionate about, he smells like wet pavement and cigarette smoke, and can’t for the life of him seem to graduate high school.

He also can’t grow a beard, can’t remember to separate the darks from the lights, can’t tie his shoes without using the bunny ears method, can’t hop in place and rub his tummy, can’t- 

Well the point is, there are a lot of “can’t”s in his life and never a whole lot of “can��s

The one thing Eddie can do without a shadow of a doubt is pursue delusions of grandeur with a single-minded determination. No matter how hard this shit-hole town and all its designation-obsessed inhabitants have tried to beat him into the dirt over the years, he’s never let go of his dreams. Some day, he’s going to play songs for the entire goddamn planet, making millions of dollars off lyrics inspired by all the games and books that have gotten his head shoved in the Hawkin’s High toilets over the years, and Mayor Kline will have to give him a key to the city while Eddie Munson, town freak, gives him the middle finger.

And, if all the stars align and the Big Guy upstairs he doesn’t believe in does him several solids, he’ll be doing it with Steve Harrington standing by his side.

The guys think he’s crazy—Eddie thinks he’s crazy—but Eddie is determined to give his all into courting Steve Harrington before their shared senior year ends. He’s, by and large, the most eligible Omega in all of Hawkins, even with his recent breakup with Nancy Wheeler under his belt. No amount of ditching the popular crowd, adopting a bunch of children, and becoming best friends with band geek Robin Buckley has been enough to deter the Alphas of Hawkins High, even if some of them won’t admit it.

Eddie takes great pleasure in watching every failed courting offer. Steve has always been picky about who he lets take him out, but he hasn’t taken up a single Alpha’s offer since Nancy and the rejections are getting more brutal by the day. Eddie suspects it’s Robin’s influence and if that is the case he needs to thank her profusely because Eddie goes a little weak in the knees every time he sees Steve literally turn up his perfect nose at an offer.

So, the odds aren’t looking good. Steve is picky and Eddie is famously a poor, nobody freak, not the kind of guy with the resources to properly woo a guy like Steve, but what Eddie does have is a lot of passion and a strong desire to prove himself. 

So Eddie has a capital P Plan.

“Hey Buckley,” Eddie says sliding up to the girl where she’s packing up at the bleachers after practice. She gives him a scrutinizing look and clearly finds him lacking, squinting her eyes at him like he’s a little bug landed on her shoulder. Irritating and suspicious. Which, rude. “I was wondering if a fine lady like yourself would happen to know what one Steve Harrington might be hoping for in a courting” Robin clearly wasn’t expecting him to come right out and ask, her blue eyes going wide.

“What the fuck, Munson!” She crows, clearly embarrassed by his lack of tact.

“What!?” He fires back, not understanding what the big deal is. He wants to court Steve and Robin is the best source of information on how to go about it.

“You can’t just ask that, you doofus,” she hisses, lavender scent going smokey like brush fire.

“Why not? I want to court him, like, publicly. Everyone’s gonna know in a couple weeks anyway. Shouldn’t you be glad you’re the first to know?” He huffs. He knows it’s not exactly the done thing to go around telling people you’re going to court someone. You’re supposed to be delicate. Hint at it and build up little courting gifts and don’t look anyone in the eye. It’s dumb as hell and Eddie wants no part of it. Besides, so far as Eddie has seen, that method hasn’t worked on Steve anyway. Eddie may as well go about this in his own way, which includes getting insider information.

Still clearly not impressed, Robin says “You? You want to court Steve? Resident anti-conformist, jock-hating, Eddie Munson wants to court Steve Harrington. Why?” Her tone is clearly disbelieving, which, again, rude.

“Uh, I mean, have you seen him with those kids? He’s wicked hot with that whole mom thing he’s got going on.” At that, Robin gags. “And, I mean, I know he’s a jock but he’s also an Omega and he pretty much said fuck it to Hawkin’s High when he presented and refused to give up his position as captain. That was super fucking metal,” he says all earnest.

“And I like the way he smells, like a fresh cinnamon roll. And we shared an English class once and he asked me about the doodle of a Beholder I worked on instead of taking notes. And I know I’m not exactly a prime Alpha but I don’t think that really matters. At least not to me. I want to kiss him and make sweet love to him and have babies with him and -” Robin cuts him off with a hand over his mouth.

“Ok, I get it. You like him.” She says that, but she’s still looking at him like she can’t figure him out. “Alright…I don’t know if I like you Eddie but I’ll throw you a bone. Just one, got it? And if you fuck it up, I’m not helping you again.” She says, waiting for him to nod before removing her hand from his mouth.

Eddie takes a deep, overdramatic breath in like he’s just breached water. “Got it.”

Robin takes a deep breath of her own. “Steve’s been propositioned for courting 19 times since he presented and he’s only said yes to one. One-off dates not included.” She hasn’t stopped looking him straight in the eye, making sure he pays attention. “Nancy gave him a set of handwritten notes for history because she noticed he was struggling. All the other Alphas got him fancy jewelry, useless house stuff, and generic valentine's day crap.” With that, she gives him one last, long look before grabbing her trumpet and leaving, the sound of metal clanging under her feet following in her wake.

“Thanks, Buckey!” He calls out, waving his hand wildly at her retreating back. She ignores him.

Well, no matter. He’s got a courting to plan.

The thing about courting when you have $3.45 to your name after rent and gas is that you have to get creative. Which isn’t a problem, Eddie breathes creativity. If he wasn't already “The Freak” he’s sure he would be Eddie “The Creative” Munson. Really, it has a nice ring to it.

The problem comes with making something with $3.45 that is also a worthy courting gift for Steve Harrington. Which, given Robin’s tip, might not be as big a concern as he would have thought. But even if Steve would be happy with a heartfelt love letter and those peanut butter brownies Eddie knows he likes, there’s a part of him that wants to blow every other Alpha and Beta that came before him completely out of the water. Maybe especially Nancy Wheeler.

Sue him, he wants to be the best.

Which leaves him with the option of a gesture. Eddie loves a gesture, but this one is going to require some help. Luckily, Eddie knows where every gang of geeks in Hawkin’s makes their dens, even if they’re not his gang of geeks. It comes with being Head Freak. It’s his responsibility, really.

Which is how he finds himself in the Hawkins Middle AV club room being stared down by a bunch of beady-eyed thirteen year olds on the verge of presenting. Jesus, these kids are intense.

“So yeah, that’s what I’m planning,” he finishes explaining. Would it kill them to look a little impressed? He’s pretty proud of it himself. Instead of sharing looks of awe, the six of them share looks of judgement between them, obviously having a silent conversation between them like some kind of hive mind. Eddie will never admit it makes him sweat a little bit.

“You want to ask to court Steve. Steve Harrington?” the tall, skinny one asks like he can’t believe it. Eddie doesn’t know if the disgust is for him or for the Omega. Either way, ouch.

“Yes,” he replies, sweating a little more. They all share more looks, the redhead in particular is looking at him like he’s gum stuck on the bottom of her shoes. 

“Why?” The curly one asks, firm and more seriously than any kid that dorky looking should have any right to speak. Seriously, he looks like a poodle in a Star Wars shirt and a trucker hat. But, Eddie knows enough about Steve to know that these are his kids, his pups, and despite how much it chafes him to have people continually asking why he wants to court Steve, like it isn’t obvious, he knows these pups are just looking out for their pack Omega.

With a deep sigh, Eddie explains for the second time in less than a week, everything he loves about Steve Harrington. At the end of his speech, the pups stare at him for a long moment before simultaneously turning their back on him to form an honest to God huddle. Seriously, the hive mind thing is looking more and more likely. Maybe he should use this for a campaign. Very Children of the Corn.

While Eddie is lost in his musing, they seem to come to some kind of conclusion, breaking up and returning to one solid, unbreakable line. It’s the other girl, hair short and at that awkward growing out length that Eddie knows all too well that steps forward. All these kids are intense, but there’s something especially severe about her, something Eddie only half recognizes.

“We will help you,” she says, quiet and solemn. 

This is going to fucking fantastic, Eddie thinks, wild grin splitting across his face.

It’s embarrassingly easy to sneak a band of six middle schoolers and one elementary schooler into the school after hours. The kids met him outside the building just at exactly 4:00 PM the Friday after their meeting in the AV room just as they planned. The addition of the feisty ten year old was unexpected, but she proved herself invaluable in charming the one teacher that stopped them on their way to the radio room, spinning some tale about being so excited for higher learning that they wanted to explore the high school. Eddie thinks Erica Sinclair should run the world.

The kids are a well oiled, if slightly annoying, machine. As soon as Eddie pops the door open they’re getting to work figuring out how the PA system works and how long the range is. Dustin and Lucas insist that they move the entire unit closer to the field, and Max and Will are quick to source a cart for the whole thing. In record time they’re all piling into the coaches office, the one with a clear view of the basketball court where the team is running their Friday drills. Honestly, it feels a little like they’re highjacking Eddie’s plan, but the smiles on their face and their puppy sweet excitement softens the blow a little.

“You ready?” The curly haired one, Dustin, asks while offering him the mic.

“I was born for this, Dusty,” he says, snatching the mic out of his hand and taking his place outside the main gym doors.

Despite what he said, Eddie is nervous. He shakes his hands and bounces in place, trying to shake it off. Before he’s ready, he hears the slightly crackly jazzy intro pouring through the speakers. He counts his beats, waiting for his que. He spent hours planning this, recording the background music with the band, turning the lyrics over and over in his head, even practicing his grand entrance. He’s as ready as he can be.

God, he hopes this works.

And there’s his que, that little pause in the music just enough time for him to push open the doors to the main gym with all his strength, relishing in the dramatic banging sound.

All eyes are on him. Steve’s eyes are on him.

You're just too good to be true,

Can't take my eyes off of you,

He sings as he walks. All the activity in the gym has come to a halt, everyone too confused and curious to stop it. He’s looking right at Steve, who turns his head like he’s expecting to see someone else behind him. He’s so cute, Eddie wants to eat him alive.

At long last love has arrived,

And I thank God I'm alive,

You're just too good to be true

Eddie knows he doesn’t have a lot of time, any moment now principle Higgins and his one security lackey are going to bust through the doors to find out who stole the announcement equipment. This is the moment, the one that needs to count. Eddie saunters right up to Steve like his heart isn’t trying to beat out of his chest and kneels down like a knight to their king. He takes his hand, and Steve lets him as he sings the next line looking right up into those beautiful hazel eyes.

Can't take my eyes off of you.

He turns the hand in his own over to expose the Omega’s wrist just as the music pauses and presses a soft, lingering kiss to the gland there. A courting kiss.

Almost like he planned it, the doors burst open a second time revealing the fuming face of Principle Higgins and his goon. He turns a manic grin Steve’s way just as the music picks back up, cutting straight to the chorus. He presses one last kiss to Steve’s wrist and takes in the way his pretty, pink lips are parted in disbelief, eyes wide and then he’s running.

I love you baby,

And if it's quite alright,

I need you baby,

To warm the lonely nights

Let it never be said that Eddie Munson, for all the ways he fails to be the ideal Alpha, doesn’t have a hell of a lot of stamina. He’s been a proud runner all his life, and he’s using it to his advantage today to put on a show. He’s singing and he’s running as Higgins and Officer Jerry chase his tail like they have any hope of catching him when he doesn’t want to be caught, when he can see the most beautiful boy in the world laughing at him in disbelief as he ducks and dodges around the court.

But even Eddie has his limits and, like he said, he planned this to a T. He can feel himself running out of breath but he refuses to call it before the climax. He’s stomping his way up the bleachers, making a show of going between the rows dancing like he’s in an old hollywood musical. Higgin’s is closing in, but there’s now way he’s getting caught. Not today. He puts in a burst of speed, leaving them in the dust and putting himself right at the top of the wooden stands, singing directly to Steve who is absolutely glowing on the court.

And let me love you,

Baby let me love you…

The music gives one last swell, the Corroded Coffin of two days ago pouring their heart out for the Eddie of today. The music comes to an abrupt halt, the gym very quickly filling with laughter and applause. The kids are screaming their heads off in the office, loud enough to draw Steve’s attention to where they can be seen through the large window. The joy and disbelief on Steve’s face makes all of this worth it, no matter what happens next.

Eddie wishes he could relish in it longer, but the goon squad is gaining ground fast and he has one last message to give before he hauls ass into the next phase of his plan. He starts inching his way toward the exit, not taking his eyes off Steve as he goes. He needs him to hear this.

“Steve Harrington, it would be the honor of my life to court you with the intention of mating. Meet me at the lake at seven if you’ll hear me out.” And with that, he’s gone. He wishes he could stay to see his reaction, but he’s out of time.

He pushes through the emergency exit to the sound of hollering and clapping, all he can do now is commence with phase two.

Phase two mainly consists of picking everything up from the trailer, changing into his nice clothes, and heading toward Lover’s Lake to set everything up.

Eddie thinks this is the most nerve wracking part of the whole plan. In many ways, the whole big performance was the easy part. Eddie loves to perform, eats up the attention like a cat laps up milk. This, the full bearing of his heart to the Omega he wants to spend his life with, is far scarier than anything else. Here in the back of his van, the paper hearts and pillar candles, hand-picked daisies and hand-made peanut butter brownies, leave him completely exposed.

He wonders if Steve will show up.

He wishes he didn’t set up so god damn early. The waiting is excruciating.

The Alpha paces around, adjusts the blankets on the bottom of the van and then decides they were better before, and checks his watch every half minute like it will make time move faster. He sits and watches the hands turn from 6:59 to 7:00. Maybe Steve won’t come. Maybe this was all for nothing and he’ll have to go back to school on Monday and pretend like he isn’t heartbroken.

His watch continues to tick. 7:03, 7:07, 7:10. He’s getting ready to pick it all back up when he hears the muffled sound of tires on soft dirt. Suddenly, his heart is in his throat as he watches the distinct headlights of his favorite Beamer turn into the clearing.

Eddie scrambles to his feet, he has a plan to carry out.

He watches, heart in his throat as Steve parks. Watches as the door opens and Steve emerges, a sweet, sheepish smile on his face.

“Sorry I’m late.” Steve looks like a dream. He clearly went home and had a shower and a change of clothes. He’s wearing light wash jeans that hug his thighs and a soft looking, deep red sweater, the collar of a white dress shirt peeking out from underneath. He’s dressed up for Eddie.

There’s a long pause where Eddie forgets how to speak and Steve just stands there, clearly waiting for Eddie to make a move. Eddie comes back to himself all at one, shaking his head hard like a dog, making Steve let out a startled laugh. “What the hell?” He asks, not mean, but bemused. 

“My deepest apologies my liege, I was simply stunned by your beauty,” he says with a half bow, extending his arm for Steve to take. “It is my pleasure to welcome you to Cafe Munson, the finest pop up restaurant this side of Indiana.” It’s goofy and a little ridiculous but Steve takes the offered arm with a little smile, sending a pleasant jolt through his body. 

Eddie leads Steve toward the open back of the van, watching him intently as he takes it in. He gets to see as the Omega’s eyes go wide, mouth parting in a little gasp. When he turns to look at Eddie, he’s already looking back. “You did this for me?” He asks, wonder coloring his voice. All of a sudden Eddie feels a little shy, a little sheepish.

“I know it’s not much, I’m not exactly liquid at the moment, but I wanted to do something nice for you,” he says, unoccupied arm reaching up to tug a piece of hair over his mouth. Steve looks at him for a long moment before turning back to the van. There are blankets everywhere, pretty much every one from the house plus a couple he nicked from Gareth’s house after practice. The emergency pillar lights from the pantry give the space a soft glow, paper hearts hang from string from the metal roof, and a repurposed laundry basket full of tupperwares and miller lites sits in the center.

“It’s perfect” Steve says, and Eddie can’t help but believe him. Not when his scent is blooming, cinnamon roll sweet, right under Eddie’s nose.

Eddie leads him to the van, gives him his hand to help him into the back. He takes a moment to take it all in, Steve Harrington settling into a date with Eddie Munson. It’s his biggest dream come true. 

He climbs in after the other boy and starts pulling out tupperwares. Steve has settled in to lean on the wall of pillows Eddie constructed for just this reason, pulling a blanket over the both of them when Eddie settles in next to him. Steve laughs with every overly dramatic introduction he makes for the food, and Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever been this warm. Neither of them brings up why they’re here, the underlying meaning behind it all. They dance around it, laughing about the kids, Steve’s sports and Eddie’s games, the look on Principle Higgin’s face when he burst into the gym earlier that day. The whole place smells like cinnamon and smoke, Eddie doesn’t think there’s a better smell in the whole world.

They don’t say a thing about courting or mating or scents until they polish off their cold pasta, courtesy of Wayne, and Eddie pulls out the last tupperware from the bottom of the laundry basket. “And for dessert, may I have a drumroll please….” Steve rolls his eyes but smiles as he complies, drumming a little beat with fingers on the side of the van. Eddie pulls out the container with a flourish, “The finest peanut butter brownies $3.15 worth of ingredients from Melvald’s can get you.” He expects laughter, maybe some light teasing as Steve has been shown to enjoy throughout the night, but all he gets is silence. 

He worries, for a moment, that he got it wrong. Maybe Steve doesn’t like peanut butter brownies. Jesus H Christ, maybe he’s allergic to peanuts and Eddie has just massively fucked this up. He’s getting ready to spiral and try to fix it when Steve speaks, voice soft in a way Eddie can’t place.

“Those are my favorites,” he says. When Eddie is brave enough to look at his face again, he’s met with wet, adoring eyes. Eddie doesn't know if anyone has ever looked at him like that before. Like he was something magical. Something special just for them.

Eddie clears his throat when Steve doesn’t say anything else. Just keeps staring at him like he’s waiting for something big. “Yeah, yeah I know,” he says, bracing himself for what comes next. “I uh, I saw you buy some at the club fair last year. You bought three of them and then came back for one more before they closed the booth.” It shouldn’t be such a big admission, but it feels like he’s just handed Steve his heart on a silver platter.

“Eddie?” Steve asks, turning toward him fully.

“Yeah?” Eddie asks, sitting up so they’re eye to eye.

“What you said, on the basketball court, will you ask me again?” He’s looking at him with so much hope in his eyes, Eddie almost feels like he could choke on it. Instead, he focuses in on the perfect scent of the man next to him, breathes steadily in and out.

“It would be the honor of my life to court you with the intention of mating, Steve Harrington.” As he says it, he reaches into his pocket for his last offering, his hail mary pass, his death saving throw. It’s a silly thing, cost his last 30 cents at the stationary store, but he was listening to Robin on those bleachers that day. Knows that the gesture and the picnic are all well and good, but what Steve has been missing with all those other Alphas is someone who notices the small details and holds them close. Someone who cares about his C+ in History, someone who knows his favorite brownies are swirled with peanut butter.

Someone who notices that he lost his eraser last week and has been meaning to pick up a new one.

Eddie holds out his heart one last time, it’s shaped like a 30 cent eraser. White and covered with a paper band. The best one on the market.

Steve stares at the little eraser like it contains the answers to the universe, and then he’s plucking it, oh so gently, out of his hands and cradling it in his own. Eddie waits, the ball is completely in Steve’s court now, Eddie has played all his cards.

Suddenly, Steve scent starts to bloom, even more than it did when he first saw the van. The smell of sugar, cinnamon, and yeast so strong it makes Eddie feel light headed. Eddie gets a glimpse of the most beautiful smile in the world just before Steve is throwing his arm around his neck, nudging his way into his lap to notch his head right at Eddie’s scent gland. Eddie’s arms instinctually wrap around his back, keeping him close.

“Yes,” Steve says, the sound of it muffled by the soft skin of Eddie’s neck. Eddie squeezes him tight, knows he needs to ask, just to make sure but worried he’s hallucinating. Scared to believe he’s getting everything he’s ever wanted.

“Yes?” He asks, lips trembling where they’ve found their own place at Steve’s neck, wanting to be as close as possible, just in case.

“Yes.” And Steve is pulling back, which Eddie hates, and cupping his face in is hands. “It would be the honor of my life to accept your courting offer, Eddie Munson,” he says, sure and steady and full to the brim of hope.

“Holy shit.” Eddie can’t believe this is happening. Despite all the planing and the performing and the putting his heart on the line he never actually let himself think that this would happen. Never let himself think about how it would end.

Without much though Eddie barrels forward to bury his head back into the Omega’s neck, his Omega’s neck, peppering him with fervent little kisses until Steve is giggling so hard he tips them over into the pile of pillows behind him. Eddie is full to the brim with joy, happier than he’s ever been and all of a sudden he needs to move. Needs to let the whole world know what he’s got in the palm of his hands.

He jolts up with one last kiss to Steve’s cheek, managing a quick “be right back!” before he launching himself out of the van. He hears Steve calling out in confusion, but it quickly turns into more joyous laughter as Eddie steps out of the van and starts jumping in place, punching the air and whooping into the night sky.

“Fuck you Hawkins! I’m courting Steve Harrington! I’m on top of the God Damn world!” He gets in one last double bird in the general direction of Main Street before Steve is calling him back in.

“Ok, you’ve had your moment. Now get your ass back in here and kiss me for real, you dumb Alpha,” he says, laughter still caught in his throat. And really? Who is Eddie do deny a request like that?

So excited for MMM, guys! I won't be doing every day, but I will be doing at lest a couple of full one shots and some of my normal ramblings. (Also, this is the longest thing I've ever written that wasn't an academic paper and I am low key very proud of myself)

[andreilslovechild]

Aaron and Nicky

Okay so I vaguely discussed this on my previous post about Aaron and hatred, but I needed to say more on the topic bc it kinda just recently popped up in my head again and it's just...ugh so good.

When Aaron moved to SC, he was 13, and Nicky was like 17ish. So, depending on what year he was in, he would have been either in his junior or senior year of high school. Assuming he was in his senior year, Aaron would have only had around, let's say... around 7-8 months with him assuming they moved during the summer.

Aaron would probably have talked to Nicky a few times a year before this. Maybe once every month or two when Luther talked to Tilda, but not really anything special. They probably saw each other a few times for holidays when Luther would pay for their plane tickets. You know the classic long-distance cousins. You don't talk much, but you still know things about each other.

Then, once Aaron moved to SC after finding out about Andrew, he would have been reeling from that discovery, alone, and in a new city he'd probably only been in once or twice before. And even then, he'd probably only been to nickys house, church, and back again. So he would have clung to whatever familiarity he could find.

Him and Nicky would hang out or talk on the phone when Tilda was too high to care, and Aaron used him as an excuse to get out of the house and away from her heavy hands and the crushing silence that echoed in the new house that was already falling apart. He would have picked up on the type of language older kids used, even kids his own age really, would have tried to fit in by using it, and at the time homophobic or vaguely offensive language would have been the norm. Aaron himself may not have used them against Nicky specifically, but Nicky would have heard Aaron using things like "fag" or "gay" as an insult.

Whether Aaron knew Nicky was gay is up for debate, but it's probably likely he knew that Nicky had "strayed from the path of god" or so Luther would have put it. He'd probably heard about the conversion camp in passing, though he likely didn't know what it really was. I think it was mentioned too that Nicky tried to act straight after his experience at conversion camp somewhere in the EC, so Aaron was probably under the impression that Nicky was "cured" like Luther and Maria were.

But long story short, during those 7-8 months, nicky was Aaron's closest friend. I doubt Aaron was very social, so even after school started, he probably didn't make friends that easily, so he hung out with nicky most days, and they did their homework together or whatever. Very sibling like. I think Nicky was the one to convince Aaron to reach out to Andrew against Tilda wishes, and probably the one to comfort him when he recieved a big fuck you back. He was the closest thing Aaron had to real family.

He probably noticed nicky wasn't as happy as he liked to seem, but he was a kid and the most he could do about it was spend lots of time with him and try and get him to genuinely smile now and then.

And then there was the Germany trip.

Aaron wasn't happy Nicky was going on the trip, and Nicky was probably a bit guilty for leaving Aaron behind, but Aaron wouldn't have stopped him from going when Nicky so clearly wanted to. He thought it'd be 5 months or so, and then he'd be back. Just 5 months of crushing loneliness, and he'd have his cousin back.

I think Aaron started using properly for the first time while Nicky was gone on that exchange trip. He'd used a few times here and there before, but not regularly. And certainly not enough to crave them. But with nicky gone, he didn't have any other way to escape. He told himself he'd stop when Nicky came back, except Nicky didn't come back. Not really. He was back for maybe 2 weeks total to officially graduate and pack up his things, and then he was back to Germany because he'd found some perfect gay lovestory there. So he kept using.

I think Aaron resented Nicky leaving him for a long time. He left him alone to suffer his mother and their crazy family by himself. He may not actively realize it, but it also makes him resent nickys sexuality a bit too because if Nicky wasn't gay this wouldn't have happened, and he'd never have left him.

Then three years has come and gone, and andrew is there, Aaron's no longer alone, but Tilda dead. And then Nicky comes back to take care of them. Fights for them. Makes sure they stay with him. And he's nothing like the Nicky Aaron remembers. Well, he kind of is, but not really. He's more flamboyant and bubbly and waaay to talkative and sexual and Aaron isn't sure what to do about it. The first few times were an accident, tired and hurt, and going through withdrawal as he screamed insults at the locked bathroom door. He heard nickys voice and begged him to let him out and then insulted him when he didn't.

But he also notices afterward how they make nickys smile turn a little bit tight. And then the insults become a test. A way to push even more to see if Nicky would break. If he would hit and scream like Tilda or glare and use the stick like Luther. But he didn't. Not even a little bit. Not even once. And slowly, Aaron forgets that that's what the words were supposed to be. He just uses them casually, the insults at the tip of his tongue whenever nicky does something he can comment on. It just becomes normal. And he sees the way nicky brushes them off, but not really. He can see through the mask. But he just can't stop.

It takes years of practice and therapy and more than a few seriously uncomfortable conversations for Aaron to properly get his tongue under control. But he tries. And trying is enough for nicky when it comes to them. After all, nicky had dealt with Andrew, too, who was arguably worse in some ways.

Nicky and Aaron's relationship is infinitely complicated in so many ways. They went from distant family to friends, to strangers, guardians, and children, to finally being just cousins. It takes a long time and probably isn't until after both of them have graduated and Nicky is back in Germany, but they get there in the end, and that's the important part.

(Credit to creamka_ on ig for the art love them)

[htaesan]

　ᅠ 📩　ᅠ EMAILS BETTER LEFT UNSENT part 2　　────　ᅠ ( park sunghoon )

𝓹recis ⠀ : ⠀your crush on your best friend of almost ten years is getting out of hand, and you feel like it’s time to give up𑁋especially after seeing how well your desk mate treats you.

　　　ᅠ 박성훈 & 심재윤 ⠀⠀◜◡◝ ⠀⠀𝒇 reader ⠀wc 32k ⠀ genre fluff a bit of angst childhood best friends to lovers non idol au high school au ⠀ contains mentions of food sickness crying skinship pet names ocs and random characters ⠀ tagging @a-dream-bookmark ,@/k-labels , @k-nets , @k-films , @sgz-net

　　　ᅠ note ᅠ from ᅠ 𝐋𝐈𝐋𝐈 ! ᅠ HELLO your fav fic is back and better!!! (i hope.) saurrrrr i know the word count is crazy and tumblr does not let me put that much words in one post.. so this is the second part ! >< (i am so sorry) enjoy reading my debut enhypen fic on my new blog ^_^

　　　ᅠ ＞︿ 　　please leave feedbacks 　　& 　　reblog

To: parksung.h0on812@gmail.com From: sincerely/n@gmail.com Park Sunghoon, Thank you for taking care of me at the hospital. Part of me was weirded out as to why you’re so adamant in making sure you were there to witness me eat all my meals until I was discharged. Even Heeseung oppa was weirded out. He asked me if you had… feelings for me.  I said no. I strongly believe in it, that you harbour no such feelings towards me.  A very small part of me thinks you like me—exactly like the way I like you. That very tiny part of me is giving me hope that feels illegal to have… hope that maybe I’ll be able to call you mine, and that I’ll be able to spend the rest of my life loving you loudly.  Though, I’ll use my rational mind here. There’s no way you like me the way I like you.  It’s impossible.  It’s impossible.  Maybe it’s not, but… It’s impossible.  Sent 23:45 PM, 11th November.

To: parksung.h0812@gmail.com From: sincerely/n@gmail.com Dear Sunghoon,  Thank you for always sending me plenty of food every day, at each meal time. You’re very clever, aren’t you? You’re making me feel bad if I don’t eat the food, so that way I’ll finish everything.  You know me best, Sunghoon, and I sometimes hate you for that. Do you know how dangerous this fact is for my heart? She keeps on falling for you. Again, again, and again.  I’ll come over to your house after I finish this practice exam paper. Wait for me :)  Sent 9:08 AM, 12th November. 

You’re standing in front of the hotteok booth, bundled up in a warm puffer jacket. You had decided to buy some warm street food before going to Sunghoon’s house.

You shove your hands into your pockets, trying to keep warm. You impatiently tap your feet against the concrete floor, wishing that the old lady at the stall is cooking your hotteok a little faster. ��

“Aunty, I’ll pay for her hotteok,” you hear a familiar voice say.

“Jake?” you say upon seeing him beside you. He gives you a toothy smile. 

“Hi, good morning.” 

“Good morning,” you reply grumpily, “are you the richest person in the world, or what? You don’t need to pay for my food every single time you see me.”

Jake laughs, and you see wisps of his breath vaporising from his lips. “I’ve never seen someone get mad at me for paying for their food.”

“Have you done this kind of treatment to anyone else?” you ask sharply.

Though, your tone does not intimidate Jake at all. He simply chuckles, and raises an eyebrow in amusement. “Why? Are you jealous?”

“No,” you snort, elbowing him. “Why would I be?”

“Here you go,” the hotteok lady says, handing you a paper bag filled with the goodies you asked her for. The scent attacks your nose, and you smile happily at the thought of devouring them as soon as possible. 

“It’s KRW 4500,” the lady reminds, and as swift as the autumn wind, Jake hands her the money. “Thank you,” she says. 

“Aish, seriously,” you grumble. “I can pay for myself, you know.”

Before Jake could say anything in reply, the hotteok lady interrupts with a cheeky smile. “Jaeyun-ah, is she your girlfriend? She’s so pretty.”

Your jaw falls open as your eyes dart rapidly between Jake and the lady. “N-no, I’m not–”

Jake grabs your hand and gives the lady a very generous smile. “Thank you, aunty, I do think she’s very beautiful too.”

You feel heat smothering the entirety of your face and you give the lady a sheepish laugh. Jake then bids farewell to the lady and leads you towards the bus station. 

“You’re crazy, aren’t you?” you hiss, pulling your hand away from his grip. “I’m not your girlfriend.”

Jake raises an amused eyebrow. “Oh? I thought you said yes the other day.”

“To what?”

“You agreed to dating me for a month, as a preview?”

“When…” you take a deep breath, containing your rage. Even though Jake was a very nice and polite person that you enjoy being around a lot, there’s this cocky side of him that often gets on your nerves. “...when did I agree to that?”

Jake looks confused—causing him to break out of his arrogant and confident manner, and it took him a minute to answer. “Oh. I-I took your silence as a yes.”

You laugh defeatedly. “Jake, I don’t think that’s how it works with me.”

Jake nods slowly, removing his gaze from you. While he’s recollecting his thoughts, and possibly coming up with a new tactic to convince you to date him; you’re thinking about it yourself, too. 

Jake’s nice—he’s good looking, athletic, and he’s smart too. From the beginning of your friendship with him in sophomore year, Jake has never been anything but kind and caring to you. You lost count the amount of times he’s bought you food and drinks, helped you in subjects you particularly aren’t too good in—and he doesn’t make you feel less smart at all. 

Honestly, you would classify Jake as one of the guys that girls are dying to get together with. He’s fun to be around—even if he can be overwhelming sometimes—he’s outgoing and adaptable, and he loves hard. 

You’ve seen the loving side of him, exposed to you for almost the entirety of your high school years. It’s just that you chose to ignore it, unable to see Jake as something more than a good friend of yours. 

You lay eyes on him, feeling bad—Jake deserves someone who reciprocates the immense amount of love he gives, not someone who purposefully chooses to friendzone him every single time, even though there’s absolutely nothing wrong with him. 

A voice inside your head tells you to try. That voice tells you to choose yourself, instead of pining after Sunghoon who most likely isn’t going to love you the same way you love him. It tells you that, perhaps, by giving Jake a chance, you’d give yourself one too. A chance to finally love and prioritise yourself.

“Fine,” you say, your voice shaky at first. “Let’s do it.”

YOU’RE riding the bus with Jake sitting by your side—and from the corner of your eyes, you can see how greatly his mood improved. He’s swinging his head slightly at the hum of a song he’s murmuring. 

“I’ll see you later,” Jake says when the bus approaches your stop. He gives you the brightest smile you’ve seen on him yet. “Take care, text me when you get there.”

You chortle, “relax, I’m only going to Sunghoon’s house. Nothing’s going to happen.”

“Sunghoon?” Jake’s smile slips, and for a split second, you almost catch his eyes darken.

You nod cautiously. “Yeah, I’m going to study there,” you say, adjusting the tote bag on your shoulder. “Most likely I’m just going there to hangout, probably.”

“Why don’t you hang out at my place?” Jake suggests.

You grin. “You’re too clingy for someone who isn’t my boyfriend yet.”

“But–” 

“Shh,” you place a finger on Jake’s lips, sending tingles through. “See you later.”

Jake watches with round eyes as you hop off the bus, waving cheerfully at him. It takes him a minute to process what happened, and it had been a little too late for him to wave back at you. 

To: parksung.h0on812@gmail.com From: sincerely/n@gmail.com Dear Sunghoon,   Thanks for letting me hang out at your house today. It’s been a while since I’ve eaten your mom’s cooking, I miss it.  Hoon, I hope you’ve been doing well. I hope you’ve been eating well, not missing your meals like I do, and that you’re always taking good care of yourself like how you’ve been taking care of me.  Honestly, I envy you.  How do you not develop feelings for someone who you’ve spent years with—who you’ve shared a bed and a blanket with multiple times, who you’ve eaten from the same utensils together a lot of times, whom you have hugged and cried with countless times. How do you not love someone, more than the boundaries of a mere friendship, who’s been there for you through ups and downs; who’s seen you at your best and your worst; who’s always making sure you’re taking care of yourself? How do you not fall in love with someone as kind as you? Sent 23:10 PM, 12th November. 

To: parksung.h0on812@gmail.com From: sincerely/n@gmail.com Sunghoon! We did it! National entrance exams are finally over! I can finally sleep in for a whole day…  I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of us. We’ve been through so many things together, now—kindergarten, elementary, middle school and now we’re more than halfway through high school!  I can’t believe I’ve gone through so much with you by my side. I still remember you cheering me through my first violin recital back in second grade; and since then, you’ve never really missed any of my recitals. I still remember you teaching me how to skate, back in fourth grade, holding my hand tightly through every glide I took. I still remember you pulling me into one of the tightest hugs I’ve ever received from you, back in sixth grade, when you won the gold medal for the figure skating competition—I had never felt so joyful for someone other than you.  I hope with the last bit of the school year left for us to spend together, we’ll make a lot of memories.  Sent 23:46 PM, 14th November.  

Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. 

Your eyes immediately flutter open, alarmed by the noise at your window. Groggily, you force yourself to stand up and rush to the source of the sound—your blurry vision barely making up the figure of Sunghoon outside. 

“Let me in,” he says, voice muffled. “It’s cold.”

“No,” you mumble sleepily. “Who are you…?”

“Princess, it’s me,” he exclaims a little bit louder so you can hear him properly. Nodding idly, you obey and open the window for him to jump in. Sunghoon, noticing your extremely sleepy condition, wraps an arm around your shoulder. He closes the window securely with his free hand before guiding you to your bed. 

“Are you that sleepy?” he asks you as he guides you to sit down in front of him. “It’s only 2 AM.”

“Mhm,” you nod, “I’m so sleepy…” 

Sunghoon softly pushes away a strand of hair from your face, tucking it gently behind your ear. You’re not meeting his gaze, your eyes droopy as they fight for their life to stay open. “Do you want to sleep right now?”

You nod, and Sunghoon can’t help but chuckle—you look so unbearably cute. Then, after a minute of debating whether he should leave to let you sleep or not, Sunghoon decides to do something he’s been doing ever since the two of you were nine years old. 

Sunghoon pats his thigh, signalling for you to land your head on it. Sleepy and unaware of your surroundings, you obey and lay on his lap, shifting to make yourself comfortable. Within seconds, you’re already sailing back to dreamland. 

Actually, Sunghoon came to talk about his problems to you. It’s always been like that—you are each other’s safe place. He could tell you about anything and you’d listen, so intently that the problem is already instantly solved. 

In the dead of the night, Sunghoon smiles to himself as he admires a sleeping you. You look so comfortable, at home, in his presence. You look so ethereal, and the moon seems to agree. Its dainty glow highlights the best of your features, glistening upon contact with your beauty. You’re sleeping, breathing gently and possibly dreaming about food and fun memories—but Sunghoon’s cheeks are reddening. His breaths are shaky, and with each exhale, he’s admitting something that he’s been denying for almost a decade. 

Sunghoon likes you. 

More than what friends should. 

Sunghoon loves you—more than what he’d like to admit; more than what childhood friends of almost 10 years are supposed to. 

“I like you, Y/N,” he whispers, and with each word that escapes from his lips, his shoulders release its tension. “I’ve liked you for a long time now. I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I like you.”

Sunghoons laughs, shaking his head. “Maybe I’m insane. Maybe I am, ‘cause the way my heart beats for you doesn’t suit what we are. The way I pretend that we’re just friends when every single night, I’ll dream about you–” he bit his lip, in hopes to control his feelings from overflowing, “–that is insane.”

“I didn’t want to fall in love,” Sunghoon whispers, slowly lifting his hand. He begins to trace your facial features, so gentle like he’s going to shatter you into pieces if he’s too harsh. “But you—how can someone look at you and not fall in love, Y/N?”

His finger comes into a halt at your lips. Sunghoon stares intently, his heart urging him painfully to just kiss you. He leans and kisses your nose instead, so tenderly it seemed like barely a touch. 

Sunghoon smiles to himself, content. “One day, I’ll find the courage to tell you everything. I’ll tell you myself, how much I love you, how much I want you to be by my side for the rest of my life.”

THE next morning, you can’t help but laugh at the way Sunghoon’s gawking at you as you rush here and there to get ready. At first, you found it a bit weird how he slept on your floor the entire night, but given that he has been doing that for the past few years, you don’t really mind.

“What?” 

“What do you mean what?” Sunghoon grumbles. “Where are you going?”

You scrunch your nose, giggling. “Guess!” you exclaim, turning away to finish doing your hair. 

Sunghoon rolls his eyes. “How would I know? I mean, we are not going anywhere, so why are you dolling up?”

“Well,” you chuckle, “I’m going to the aquarium with Jaeyun. he asked—”

“JAKE?” Sunghoon yelps, almost falling off the edge of your bed. 

You pause at the sudden reaction, one that you did not expect from Sunghoon. “What? We’re just friends.”

“Yet it’s a date,” Sunghoon flatly addresses. 

“No it’s not!” you shriek, despite the fact that Sunghoon was in fact, correct. “I mean, yes, it is,” you roll your eyes at Sunghoon’s ‘I knew it’ expression. “But I haven’t said anything to him. Like, we’re not in a relationship or anything.”

You show Sunghoon your messages with Jake, hoping to ease the frown on his face. 

hi y/n

if you’re free today

let’s go to the aquarium? let’s go by train

“See?” you say, “it’s nothing.”

Sunghoon turns off your smartphone, placing it to the side. His eyes pierce straight through you. “You look ugly.”

You gasp, your eyes widening as your smile drops drastically. What could hurt more—getting told by your crush that you look ugly, or being rejected by him? 

“Okay, well, I take it back,” Sunghoon hesitates, “you l-look pretty. But, what I’m tryna say is that you don’t have to put on so much makeup.”

You stare at him, heart pounding so loudly as you await his next words. 

Sunghoon continues, eyes looking away from you, “you don’t have to doll up. He’ll like you just the way you are.”

He gives you an awkward smile—leaning forward to pat your head. “I’ll wait outside. I wanna greet Mrs. Lee and say thanks for letting me sleep here.”

You watch as Sunghoon hops off your bed and walks out of the room, closing the door gently behind him. Your eyes linger around at the door, as if you’re waiting for him to come back in and watch you get ready. You sigh, turn back to the mirror, and continue finishing your makeup—doubting if you really are overdoing things with every stroke of the makeup brush. 

MOMENTS later, you’re sitting in the taxi next to Sunghoon, who insisted so much that he accompanied you to the train station to meet Jake. His excuse? It’s so that you won’t get lost due to the heavy crowd at the station, and so that you won’t be too nervous to go on your first date with Jake. Sunghoon even went as far as to call your brother about it—and Heeseung agrees, so you have no choice but to obey.

“Do you like Jake?” Sunghoon asks, five minutes into the ride. 

His question is direct and forward, and it feels like a bomb dropped straight to your face. It challenges you to truly label your feelings, distinguishing it clearly. 

You return his gaze, biting your lower lip as you think of an answer. The answer is blurry between the lines of yes and no. “No? I mean, he’s a nice person.”

“So you like… like him?”

You aggressively shake your head. “No! I like him as a friend.”

“Then, you’re going on dates with him?” Sunghoon questions. 

Your mouth sets on a hard line. “Okay, listen. Jake likes me—not the other way around—and he offered to date me for one month.”

“And you agreed?” Sunghoon jabs, his arms crossing across his chest. 

Your gaze sharpens. “Gosh, Hoon, stop being so difficult! As I said, Jake’s just a friend. You don’t have to worry about anything. I agreed to dating him for a month as a ‘preview’ because he’s nice, and he likes me. Plus, it doesn’t hurt to try, does it?”

Sunghoon sighs, his jaw clenching. “You think love is a joke?”

Your mouth falls open, and for a few seconds, you struggle to form words. “N-no, I don’t. Love… it’s something serious to me, Hoon, and I know you know that. I’m just giving Jake a chance to prove himself to me.”

“Then if you don’t like him, you’ll reject him?” Sunghoon asks sharply, an eyebrow perched upwards in mockery. 

“Well… yeah,” you admit silently. 

You don’t know what you expect as Sunghoon’s next response, but you’re surprised to find simply nodding and turning away, scrolling through social media on his smartphone. The rest of the taxi ride remains silent, and Sunghoon only opens his mouth when you’ve arrived at the train station. 

“Go on, have fun,” Sunghoon says, urging you to go out before you can offer to pay the fare. “I’ll pay—plus, I have somewhere I need to go to.”

“Are you sure?” you ask as you step out of the vehicle. Sunghoon gives you a strained smile before nodding reassuringly.  

“Yes,” he replies. “Go on, princess, have fun at the aquarium. Don’t annoy Jake too much.”

“Okay,” you say, and you stand there, frozen as you watch the cab drive away. It’s painful, for some reason, to watch him let you go and do nothing about it. 

Though, the universe doesn’t seem to let you dwell onto that guilt for too long. The taxi Sunghoon is in barely goes out of your sight before someone taps your shoulder. You turn around and see Jake—he’s dressed casually in a white tee, a navy blue plaid shirt as a cardigan, and brown jeans. His hair is combed nicely, in a way that some of it falls perfectly on his forehead. 

“Hi,” you say, “you look nice.”

Jake smiles shyly, coughing it away. “Yeah. I-I mean, thanks. You look beautiful.”

You snort, scanning your own outfit—a white babydoll top with plain blue jeans. “Beautiful? I wouldn’t say that.”

Jake pouts. “You give yourself too little credit.”

“Whatever,” you shake your head. 

“So, um, let’s go?” Jake offers you his arm. “I know you might not want to… hold my hand, but if you hold my arm, you won’t get lost in the crowd.”

You give him a slight smile, accepting his offer by grabbing his arm. “Alright, let’s go.”

For the entire train ride to the aquarium, which took about 20 minutes, Jake had been nothing but kind and caring towards you, just how you expected him to be. He made sure to find a seat that was comfortable for you—he even offered his seat to an old lady. Though, he made sure to stand directly in front of you, acting as a shield or a protector. Jake kept a respectful distance from you, but at the same time, he made sure that no creeps or anything of that sort could make you uncomfortable. Of course, you got some comments from people around you that Jake is extremely lucky to have a girlfriend as pretty as you, and vice versa. You tried to deny them at first, clarifying that you and Jake are just friends, but you gave up halfway due to Jake’s speed—you wonder how he managed to reply to them faster than you do. 

When the train arrives at your designated stop, Jake offers you a hand—and you take it, letting him guide you through the ocean of people. At the ticket counter, you didn’t even have a chance to offer to pay—Jake did it all. 

It’s really awkward at first, having everyone look at you with heart eyes, whispering “aww, they’re so cute”, “oh my, they look so good together”, “look at him, so sweet, paying for his girlfriend” as you and Jake pass by. Though, all the awkwardness quickly dissolves away as soon as you set eyes on the aquariums on display. 

The first display hall of the aquarium is decorated with colourful and mystical lights, making the aquatic creatures living inside so much prettier. You pull out your smartphone and take numerous pictures; Jake walking close behind you, observing you intently. He smiles gently as he watches you in awe of the corals and jellyfish, sneaking a few pictures of you. 

Once the two of you reach the highlight of the aquarium, which is the aquarium tunnel, you can’t help but gasp in complete astonishment. Jake watches with amusement, laughing along with you as you spin around, taking in the view around you.

“Jaeyun!” you squeal, the edges of your eyes crinkling as you smile widely. “Look! It’s so pretty!”

To you, the view around you is breathtaking—with every turn, you see sharks swimming around, followed by unknown schools of fishes and aquatic life. But, to Jake, the breathtaking view is you. Features illuminated by hues of blue and purple light, Jake can’t help but smile merrily at the sight of you, happily admiring the scenery in the aquarium. 

“Yeah,” Jake replies, breathless. “It’s pretty,” he says, but he’s looking at you. 

To: parksung.h0on812@gmail.com From: sincerely/n@gmail.com Hi Sunghoon, Today’s date with Jaeyun was really fun! I haven’t been to the aquarium in Busan for quite some time, so it’s nice to be there! He paid for everything, of course, so I had to enjoy it ten times more! Hehe. He also paid for lunch… I kinda feel bad. I tried to refuse and pay for myself, but Jaeyun wouldn’t let me. :(  Hmm. I hope you aren’t upset with me spending time with Jaeyun. Okay, honestly, I don’t know why I’m saying this in the first place, but… I don’t know if I should continue loving you. Sure, I still do love you, but maybe, for the sake of my heart, I’ll keep my love strictly within the limits of friendship.  I don’t know. I still like you. I want to be with you, grow old and create countless memories with you. But I have to take care of my heart, too, don’t I?  It’s been five years, Sunghoon, and I don’t know if my love will ever be reciprocated. I don’t know if you’ll ever love me back the same way. Besides, with school ending in five months, it’s certain that we’ll diverge in our paths—not meeting each other again for years to come. I don’t want to be in pain, Sunghoon, but at the same time, I’m willing to go through even the harshest storms and pits of hell for you.  Sent 19:15 PM, 15th November.

Closing your laptop shut, you hit yoursel lightly. How could you forget? It’s Jake’s birthday! You only realised after seeing Naeun’s text, reminding you if you’d come over to her house to help Fdaniset up for Jennie and Jake’s surprise birthday party . The two of you had gone out together for the day, and you didn’t even wish him a happy birthday. Trying not to trip, you grab your purse, smartphone and a puffer coat, and run out of the house. You rush to a nearby cafe—thankfully there has been a bakery in your neighbourhood—to buy two small lunch box cakes. You whip out your smartphone, dialling Jake’s number. The sun is setting, and you desperately hope he answers, despite only parting ways with you less than 30 minutes ago. 

“Y/N?” his voice came through.

You let out a shaky laugh of relief. “Oh, thank you for answering the phone. Are you free?”

“Are you okay?” he asks. “I-I mean, I’m free. Just chilling at home right now. Why?”

“I… want to drop something off,” you say, carefully choosing your words. You certainly don’t want the cake in your hands to not be a surprise. “I-I mean! I want to give you… something.”

You hear Jake chuckle. “Okay, I’ll meet you—send me your location?”

“Can we just meet at your house?” you inquire, not wanting to give Jake an inconvenience. 

“I don’t prefer having the lady go out of her way to meet me,” Jake replies after some silence, “I prefer going out of my way to meet her.”

Your nose crinkles as you try to hold in your shyness. “O-oh, okay… I’ll send you my location.”

You quickly end the call, and send him the location of the cafe you’re standing in front of. A few minutes later, you see Jake running up to you—his hair messily tousled by the wind, his chest heaving up and down drastically. 

“Did you run here?” you ask.

Jake nods. “Yeah. I wanted to meet you.”

You laugh, soft like the wind. “We literally just met this afternoon, Jaeyun.”

“Anyway,” you say, stretching out your arms to show the lunchbox cake, the one that you had asked the shop employee to say ‘Happy Birthday, Jaeyun!’ on it, to Jake. “Happy birthday. I’m sorry I didn’t say it earlier today, I didn’t realise it was your birthday too… I mean, you acted like it was a normal day!”

“My birthday too?” Jake asks, amusement glinting in his eyes. “Did you forget that Jennie’s my twin sister?”

You pout, not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry…”

After grabbing the cake from your hands, Jake leans forward and pats your head. “Thank you, Y/N. Means a lot.” 

Then, feeling the buzz of your smartphone in your pocket, you’re reminded of the birthday surprise you need to help Naeun with. You quickly say goodbye, and wish Jake a happy birthday again before running off to catch a taxi. 

Jake watches you go, his eyes lingering a second longer, even after the taxi you’re in leaves his line of sight. He turns his attention to the lunchbox cake in his hands, a smile curving up his lips as he examines its design—a cute puppy, on a plain white cake, saying ‘Happy Birthday, Jaeyun!’. 

Jake turns on his heel and merrily walks home. Deep in his heart, he knows that the girl he likes has her heart set on someone else, yet this little gesture feels like he’s won her over. It’s short and doesn’t last as long as he’d like it to be, but the butterflies it gives him is enough to last him awhile. 

AS you’re desperately wishing for the traffic to die down quickly, due to you needing to be at Naeun’s house as quickly as possible, your thoughts lead your mind elsewhere. You’re back to thinking about your interaction with Jake—how his surprised yet grateful smile seemed to hide a thousand more emotions behind its perfection… it lingers in your mind. His gestures are sweet and really, really thoughtful—he’s willing to go out of his way for you, always managing to crack a smile from you. 

Deep down, you know Jake cares about you. He’s everything you had looked for in a partner—he’s willing to learn more about you, he’s patient and kind, he’s good looking and he’s smart—if only your heart wasn’t tightly bound to someone else. 

Halfway to Naeun’s place, your smartphone buzzes with a text message. This time, it’s from Naeun. You quickly open it, expecting a “hurry up, Y/N!” or some kind of instruction for the surprise—instead, you find a picture of Jake with the lunchbox cake you gave him. He’s smiling, posing in front of his house, holding it up to the camera with that goofy, happy grin that makes your heart do a little flip. 

y/n, did you give this cake to him? 

it’s on his instagram story

You reply, 

yes. but it’s not the one we’re surprising them with

it’s with me rn

You watch Naeun’s reply pop out on the screen. 

oh good

scared me

also, what’s up with the caption? 

“I think I’m in love with her, Y/N. This cake... it’s everything to me. She’s everything.” 

The message halts you in motion. Your fingers hover over the screen, unsure of what to reply. For a moment, you’re sitting there, staring at the screen while the traffic buzzes around the taxi you’re in. 

The message is like a hard slap to the face, but instead of making you cry, it makes you second guess everything.

Is Jake really falling for you? Are his actions purely out of love, and not just some casual ‘I like you’ kind of thing? Is he really waiting for something, some kind of answer, from you? 

You press your lips into a thin line, thinking hard. 

Jake has been nothing but patient, kind and loving towards you. He’s everything that every girl, including you, would ask for. Though, that fact comes with a feeling that you can’t shake off—every time you think of Jake’s smile, his kindness and his warmth; it all drifts back to Sunghoon. How the world seems to revolve around him, his smile that makes you think of bread whenever you see it, the warmth of his hugs, and the comfort of his presence. 

Your heart always seems to find its way back to Sunghoon. 

You swallow thickly, trying to push the guilt down. It’s not fair to Jake. It’s not fair to anyone, especially you, because you’re the one stuck in the middle of two worlds.

Do you pick Jake, or do you stay with Sunghoon?

THE surprise birthday party is a blur. Everyone’s laughing, chatting, eating their hearts away, and there’s a sense of celebration in the air—but you can’t quite ignore the clenching feeling in your stomach. You’ve got two different people to think about now, and you don’t know how to navigate the space between them.

And all the while, Jake’s smile from earlier keeps dancing in your mind. The way he’d looked at you as you handed him the cake, the way he’d thanked you so earnestly. Why did a small, lunch box cake seem to mean so much to him? How do you even respond to that? How do you face him, knowing he’s waiting for something that you might not be able to give?

You glance across the room, catching Jake’s eye as he talks with Jennie. You quickly look away, feeling a small, warm burn in your cheeks. You can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking, and more importantly, if he knows that your heart is, somehow, still tethered to someone else.

You pull your eyes away, unaware that Jake had quickly excused himself to approach you.

You sit in silence at the dining table, the birthday party bustling around you. It’s a small party, yet you can feel the high excitement and energy in the atmosphere. You sit alone at your seat, sipping on your drink. Sunghoon had left for a while to get some refreshments for everyone, so you’re left sitting by yourself. 

“Y/N,” Jake says, pulling you out of your haze. “May I sit?”

You give him a quick smile as you nod. “Of course.”

“Are you not enjoying yourself?” Jake asks, grabbing a slice of pizza. “You’re quiet.”

You glance at the ceiling, feeling awkward as you don’t know what to say. You laugh sheepishly. “No, of course not! I am enjoying myself! Just… you know… soaking in everything.”

Jake laughs, throwing his head back. “I can tell with one eye closed that you want to go home right now.”

“Yeah, I should probably study,” you reply with a laugh. 

Your conversation with Jake dims down, and the ambiance of the party resurfaces. You’re sitting in front of Jake, stiffly avoiding his gaze as he’s observing you. It’s like he has a million things to say, but can’t seem to find the right words. 

“Y/N,” Jake suddenly says, his voice unsteady. “Thanks for making this surprise party for me and Jennie.”

You smile at him, breaking eye contact as soon as he finishes speaking. Suddenly, Layla chasing around her tail in the corner becomes such an interesting thing to watch. 

“Of course.”

You connect your gaze with Jake, and you instantly are reminded of the conversation you had earlier at the aquarium. 

THE tension between you and Jake is physical as you take in the beauty of the aquarium, elatedly ignorant of Jake’s silent adoration of you. Sure, the aquarium is beautiful—the lights dancing off the walls of the tunnel, creating wavy shadows of mesmerising colours, illuminating the ocean creatures in a magical way—but, for Jake, you are the most captivating sight. 

Jake watches you, his focus unwavering from you, with pure content as you spin with excitement, pointing out every creature you lay your eyes upon. There’s an assured warmth in his eyes, the way he lays his eyes on you with a quiet affection that’s very much impossible to ignore; and for a moment, you wonder if maybe you’ve misjudged his feelings. Maybe there’s something deeper there that you haven’t fully acknowledged yet. Maybe he does really really like you—not the casual high school fling you thought he felt. 

“Y/N,” you turn around and your pupils immediately dilate at the sight of Jake, who’s taking a step closer to you. 

Jake gives you a genuine smile. One that made you see that, indeed, there are raw and vulnerable emotions behind Decelis Academy’s basketball ace’s handsome face. His voice is wobbly. “Thank you, really, for doing this with me. I’m really glad because I’m… I’m having a lot of fun, actually. More than I thought I would.”

You glance at him as you stiffly nod, your lips forming a half-smile. 

“Of course,” you reply, feeling a pang in your chest as you remember Sunghoon’s words earlier in the taxi. Was he right? Could it be that Jake is looking for something more from you, and you’re just breaking his heart by doing this—the one-month dating agreement, where you yourself are uncertain if you’d reciprocate his feelings? “Me too—it’s been nice.”

Jake takes a deep breath, and as he continues, you begin to wonder if he read your mind. “I know you don’t think that this isn’t a real ‘date’ or anything… but I’d like to think of it as a real one—more than just hanging out, more than just a preview.”

You don’t dare meet his eyes. Instead, you direct your focus to the tight schools of fish swimming gracefully in the water, scales shimmering as they catch light.

“Y/N…”

You look directly into his dark brown eyes, the raw emotions swirling dangerously inside. 

“I think you’re really special, Y/N. I-I just wanted to let you know that.”

Your steps come to a halt, and Jake almost bumps into you. You turn completely to face Jake, immediately overwhelmed by how heavy the situation feels. You can feel Jake’s palpable sincerity, and as you try to process his words, the rest of the aquarium fades into the background. The tunnel seems to shrink, your surroundings blurring slightly as your focus zeroes in on Jake’s face—his solemn expression, his vulnerability out in the open for you to see.

“You’re a good person, Jaeyun, you really are,” you start, your throat shaking as you struggle to keep your voice steady. Each word feels heavy for your tongue to pronounce—Jake’s gaze is heavy on you, and a small part of you wants to be brutally honest with him, to say the truth that’s been swimming in your chest all day.

“I’m really grateful to have you as a friend, as a tablemate,” you continue, desperately hoping your emphasis on the word friend delivered the message to Jake. You give him a small, almost apologetic smile.

“But, you know…” you say, your fingers fidgeting with the edges of your top. You take a deep breath before finishing your sentence. 

“Right now, I’m… not sure if I can give you what you’re looking for,” you say, and with each letter you utter, the tension from your shoulders releases one by one. “I thought about it, Jaeyun, I really did. But I cherish you—as a friend—so much that I don’t have the heart to make you go through something one sided.”

Jake slowly nods, and you could almost hear your heart splitting as his face softens—you swear you saw a flicker of disappointment in his eyes. 

“O-of course, I figured,” he says, the crack in his voice evident. He sighs shakily, and for a second, he looks at his shoes to collect his thoughts. He looks back at you, his eyes sparkling with tears that are threatening to fall. “It’s foolish of me to expect anything from someone who’s heart belongs to another, b-but, I just wanted to… put it out there, you know?”

“I like you, Y/N,” Jake confesses, his hand placed above his heart as if he’s trying to stop it from jumping out of his chest. “I really do. I know I have no chance at all, but there’s no harm in trying, right? I just… hope that you might feel the same.”

Your heart skips a beat, and a wave of guilt washes over you. “Jaeyun… I’m sorry, I really am–”

Jake smiles, though it’s not a full smile. “It’s okay. I get it. It’s just… I don’t know. I guess I wanted to know what it would feel like to be with you like that. I thought maybe if we tried, you’d feel what I feel. But… I respect your feelings, Y/N. You don’t have to feel the same way.”

Silence falls between the two of you, and for a moment, neither of you says anything. You stand in your place, watching Jake wipe a hidden tear away from his cheek, taking a deep breath to compose himself. You feel a want to comfort him, to tell him that you’re very grateful to have him as a friend, to tell him that you’re not rejecting him as a person—it’s just that you aren’t ready to give him what he’s looking for in you. 

Though, you stay silent—the moment is too raw, too delicate for you to say anything and ruin it. 

So, instead of talking about it, you grab Jake’s arm, turning your focus back to the aquarium. “Should we go see the penguins next? They must look so cute.”

Jake lets out a heavy breath, and for a second, you think he’s going to pull away or make things awkward between you. But instead, he nods, and his smile returns, albeit a little smaller. “Yeah, that sounds great. Let’s go.”

The rest of your aquarium date goes smoothly without any hiccups, though it flows with a quiet and unspoken understanding. Jake’s demeanour is unchanged—he takes good pictures of you, he smiles and he laughs, though you could feel that his gaze is heavier with a touch of disappointment. You two enjoy the aquarium together, and even though things feel a little unsettled between you and Jake, there’s a comforting familiarity in the way you share small moments of laughter and quiet companionship. 

By the time the sun begins to set, you and Jake are both sitting on a bench outside the aquarium, munching on churros, watching the last few visitors leave. 

Jake turns to you again, his features soft and delicate. “Thanks… thanks for coming, Y/N. I’m glad you agreed to this, I’m glad you came. Even if it’s just as friends.”

You nod, suddenly conscious of the number of chews you made before swallowing a bite of churros. “Me too,” you quietly reply, turning away to look at the soft evening glow of the sky. “Thanks, Jaeyun, for being patient with me—for being my friend, for everything. I know it hasn’t been… easy.”

“Yeah, of course. I mean, it isn’t easy, but it’s worth it,” Jake shrugs, looking way too relaxed despite the tension he faced earlier. “Definitely. You are worth it, Y/N.”

The two of you exchange smiles, briefly, as you quickly turn your head away, feeling a little too shy and awkward to look Jake directly in the eye. 

“I just want you to be happy, Y/N,” Jake continues, his voice silent as if he’s talking to himself, yet he wants his words to be heard by you. “Whether that’s with me, or… not with me. I’m okay either way. My happiness is yours.”

You finally turn to Jake, staring deep into his glistening brown eyes. His words are sincere, and in your heart, you feel a swell of gratitude for his maturity. You know that Jake is someone who will always care for you, no matter what the two of you are, no matter where your relationship goes. And as you sit there in comfortable silence, the only thing that’s certain is that, for now, being friends with Jake is the best you can offer him.

To: parksung.h0812@gmail.com From: sincerely/n@gmail.com Sunghoon, You know, I’ve been thinking about us. I mean, me—how did I even fall in love with my own best friend in the first place. After a few moments of thinking, I believe I finally got it.  It was back in second grade. I remember our homeroom teacher asking us to draw a picture of us with our best friend as part of the art class—I remember drawing you and I. we had only just got to know each other for a few months, and I wasn’t even sure if you saw me as a friend too.  I was nervous to present my piece to the class, afraid that my friendship was one-sided.  The shock mixed with happiness that hit me when Naeun had shouted to the whole class, pointing to your piece, saying “teacher, look! He also drew Y/N!” I had never felt so belonged before.  Though, I don’t know if I should continue loving you. I’ve always loved you, but I don’t think I can bear it any longer, waiting for something that’s never going to happen. Thank you, Sunghoon, for being my friend all this time. I owe you my life, and I’d do anything for you. I hope you know that.  And even though I do resent you, just a little bit, for not reciprocating my love—I’ll always cherish you. If not as a lover, if not as someone who’ll stay with me till the end of time… as a friend.  Sunghoon, I’m giving up on you now. I love you, but I can’t wait forever. Sent 23:32 PM, 22nd November. 

JAKE is sitting in his room, completing homework as usual. However, nothing is going right—he’s suddenly getting all of the questions he usually gets right wrong. He pushes himself off of his chair, laying down flat on the heated floor.

Jake sighs. 

His mind is swirling with many things—you. He vividly remembers the way you offer him a guilty smile, endlessly apologising as you friendzoned him. He’s not mad about it, he’s just sad that he can’t get a chance at loving the girl he likes just because she’s stuck up on a guy, for five years, who clearly wants nothing but to be just friends with her.  

You had just left his house, 30 minutes ago, after completing a biology research paper together. You had been assigned as partners with him, and the two of you did your job well. It’s difficult to shrug off the evident awkwardness between you and Jake, but you admit that Jake’s really good at continuing off your friendship from where you left off. 

“Jaeyun,” he remembers you beaming, as he walks you to the door. 

“Yeah?” he breathed, still mesmerised by your smile. 

“Thank you,” you said with a smile, sincere and heartwarming. “Thank you for still being my friend, and thank you for always treating me well, despite the heartbreak I may have caused you.”

Jake remembers grinning, patting your head as a way of saying that it’s all in the past, and he’s okay with it now. “It’s alright, Y/N, I’m thankful that I still get to be around you.”

You nodded, turning on your heel to begin walking home. However, before you could even step out of his driveway, Jake stopped you. 

“Y/N,” he said, “I-I just wanted to say that if you ever decide that you’re… ready to give me what I’m hoping for, know that I’ll be here waiting.”

“Jaeyun… you might wait for quite some time,” you sighed. 

Jake smiled—it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, yet you can see the hope seeping through. “It’s okay. If you can wait for Sunghoon for five years, I can wait for you for more.”

You chuckled, smiling widely at Jake. “Thank you, Jae.”

Jake pressed a swift kiss to your forehead, and you froze—unusually not flinching or retracting at it. He smiled, mirroring your sincerity. “Of course—and if Sunghoon ever decides to break your heart, tell me. I’ll fight him for you.”

You laughed heartily, your heart swelling with joy at the fact that someone is here for you despite the longing and the pain you’re going through. 

Jake takes a deep breath, smiling as he recalls the moment. It hurts, that’s true, yet he’s determined to give you all that he has—one moment Sunghoon is caught slacking, he’ll be there for you, always.

“YO, Sunghoon,” Kangmin says, breaking the silence in the room. The two of them had been working on the biology group assignment together for the past few hours in Sunghoon’s room. Sunghoon turns towards his friend. 

“What?”

Kangmin, who had been sprawled all over the bedroom floor, gets up and sits up straight. He ruffles his hair before saying, “do you have a spare email? Like, one that you don’t use anymore.”

Sunghoon pauses to think. “Yeah, I do. Why?” 

Kangmin smiles sheepishly, scooting closer to Sunghoon, who’s sitting cross-legged on the floor, papers and books spread out around him. 

“Hey,” he says, mustering up an innocent smile—which is met by a vicious side eye from Sunghoon. “Can I use it?”

“For what?”

“I think my girlfriend isn’t interested in me anymore,” Kangmin replies, pouting. “I’m not entirely sure yet, so I’m going to make a fake instagram profile, using your unused email address, to test my theory out.”

Sunghoon goes poker-faced, obviously unimpressed. “Are you crazy?”

Kangmin insists. “Aww, please, Sunghoon? I really need it.”

“Fine,” Sunghoon grumbles. He opens a new window on his computer to log into an old email account, parksung.h0on812@gmail.com, the one that he hasn’t used ever since middle school ended. He’s surprised to still have the password to it saved on his Google Chrome—and easily logs in. 

Sunghoon’s eyebrows perk up in confusion at the red dot near the inbox icon, the numbers significantly high for an unused email address. 

“I’m sure I didn’t subscribe to any newsletter or anything on here,” he mutters to himself. 

Sunghoon clicks on the inbox tab, eyes widening upon what he’s seeing.

Countless emails, sent from an email address he’s all too familiar with. 

Yours. 

Sunghoon’s eyes scans the inbox, his disbelief growing with every second that passes by. His heart is racing, pumping so harshly he’s afraid it’d pop out of his chest. 

He’s familiar with the name of the sender—Y/N—his best friend, his rock, the person he’s liked for so long. 

There are so many emails—too many to ignore. The subject lines are all over the place: “What’s going on with my heart?”, “Thanks for letting me hang out at your house today…”, “I think I just fell in love with you again.”

Sunghoon’s heart pulses even faster, but he can’t seem to stop himself. He clicks on the most recent one, his heart pounding in his ears as the screen fills with words.

His heart stops for a split moment as he reads: “I’m giving up on you now. I love you, but I can’t wait forever.”

What did you mean by that?

Sunghoon stammers, not knowing how to react. His hand hovers above the mouse, hesitating to click anything. A lump forms in his throat, and tears threaten to form at the corner of his eyes. His thoughts start crashing down, and before he can even stop himself, he’s opening another email. And then another. And another. 

Each one hits him with a sensation more painful than a ton of bricks hitting from above. The emails all have one thing in common: you have been writing to him for months. Writing to him, pouring out your heart, confessing feelings that you pictured as something obvious yet he never knew about, and… he hadn’t noticed. All the smiles, the eye contacts that lasted a second too long, the hugs that made each of you feel like you’re made for one another… he realises that it meant something to you too. 

“I’ve always loved you..” 

“But I don’t think I can bear it any longer, waiting for something that’s never going to happen.”

Sunghoon’s chest tightens. His eyes flickers over the sentence again and again, each word displayed hitting him hard. His fingers freeze, unsure if he should keep scrolling or not. It feels like he’s been hit by a storm of emotions that he isn’t sure how to process.

“Sunghoon?” Kangmin’s voice pulls him out of his haze. 

Sunghoon looks up, startled, but then glances back at the screen, trying to collect his thoughts.

“What the hell?” Kangmin continues. “Park Sunghoon? Are you listening to me?”

Kangmin, who’s been watching Sunghoon for a while, curiously taps his shoulder. “Bro, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Y/N…” Sunghoon mutters, his voice barely audible. He’s still staring at the screen, mind dizzy. “She… she’s been writing to me.”

Kangmin raises an eyebrow, clearly confused. He breathily asks, “what do you mean? Like, she sends you emails?”

Sunghoon swallows hard, clicking on another email. This one was from a few months ago.

“I wish I was better. I don’t know if I’m good enough for you, but if you ever need a girlfriend, or a wife one day… I’m here. Always.”

The weight of the words crushes him.

Kangmin’s teasing grin fades as he notices Sunghoon’s expression shift from confusion to something more profound. “W-wait. What? Are these... from Y/N? Are you telling me she’s been in love with you? For real?”

Sunghoon nods slowly, still unable to look away from the screen. “I… I never knew.”

Kangmin blinks, looking between Sunghoon and the open inbox. “Dude, I thought you two were just friends.”

“We are. Definitely. We are,” Sunghoon’s voice is hoarse, like he’s trying to convince himself. “But these... These are real. She’s been telling me everything, and I—”

Sunghoon inhales sharply, stopping himself from continuing. His mind is flooded with thoughts—how could he have missed the signs? How could he not notice how you felt?

“What are you going to do now?” Kangmin asks after a moment. “Are you going to talk to her about it?”

Sunghoon doesn’t answer immediately. He meets Kangmin’s eyes, like he’s trying to find solutions. His thoughts are still sprawling, and one question lingers around the longest—is he losing you? Have you truly given up on him?

“I’ll talk to her—no, I need to talk to her,” Sunghoon finally says, each word slipping off his tongue quieter than the other. “I have to make things straight—I can’t lose her. I-I… She deserves the truth more than anything.”

Kangmin grows a tiny smug smirk. “The truth? Well, man, don’t leave me hanging like you did with Y/N—what’s the truth?”

Sunghoon stands up, determination filling his veins like never before. “I like her—I’ve liked her for a very long time. I’ve been such a coward all this time. An idiot, all this while.”

Kangmin grins, leaning back on the floor. He sighs with content. “Now that’s what I’m talking about.”

Sunghoon turns to him with a furrowed brow. “Hey, I’m serious, Kangmin. I don’t know if I have a chance to fix this. But I’m going to try. I can’t just—I can’t just…let her go.”

The thought of losing you completely—of never getting the chance to be honest about his feelings, to be honest and open to you about what he’s been hiding in his heart—hits him harder than anything else. He grabs his smartphone, fingers already dialling your number before he even realises it. 

SUNGHOON stands on top of the hill, surrounded by yellow crimson trees and chilly air. He’s bundled up in a long trench coat, and the autumn wind is blowing through his hair. He called you to meet him here, telling you that he’s got something to discuss with you.

It hasn’t even been five minutes since he’s arrived, and he already sees you getting off the bus, running towards him. You reach him, crouching as you pant heavily to catch your breath. 

“What the hell, Hoon,” you say between heaves of breaths. “Also, are you okay? You’ve been a little off lately, is it hockey practice?”

Sunghoon shrugs. “Yeah. I-I’ve been quite tired with school and practice.”

“Okay… so, what’s up? You said you wanted to tell me something,” you ask Sunghoon. 

You look up to Sunghoon, realising how tall he is—you shake your head, wanting to stay resolute on the decision you made to move on. Waiting for Sunghoon to reply, you recall the email you sent him yesterday. It’s hard, and you know that—your heart still skips a beat whenever you see him smile, and your cheeks still turn pink whenever he calls you ‘princess’. 

Though, it’s been five years.

You’ve thought of it long and hard, and ultimately, you decide to slowly let your feelings go. You know that accepting that Sunghoon is never going to reciprocate the love you bear for him will make you feel lighter, little by little, and it will help calm your nerves from all the swirling thoughts of him, Jake, and everything else going on. However, you also know that it’s a challenging process that will take a long time to go through.

“It took me ten years to find the right words to say this,” Sunghoon begins, out of the blue, startling you. 

He pauses, his mouth slightly open, as if he’s hesitating to continue. As if he’s unsure of what to say first. 

“What?” you breathe, uncertain if you should be relieved or scared.

Sunghoon looks at you for a moment, and then his gaze softens. You’ve never seen him look so… vulnerable. There’s something different in the way he’s standing there, next to you against the cold autumn winds, like he's on the edge of a cliff. He closes his mouth, and opens it again, but nothing comes out.

A minute passes in silence, heavy and full of unspoken things. Finally, Sunghoon exhales shakily, his shoulders relaxing just a little as he begins to speak again.

“I read the emails.” 

His voice is barely above a whisper, but the words still land like a punch to the gut, its impact so big it knocks the breath out of you. “I had no idea. You’ve been... carrying this all alone, haven’t you?”

You’re caught off guard. You can’t look at him directly, your eyes flicker here and there, panic filling your nerves. The words tumble out before you can stop them. “Sunghoon, I—”

“No,” he interrupts, his voice gentle and his gaze is locked on yours, honest and raw. “I should’ve known. I should’ve seen it. I never noticed how much you’ve been giving. How much you’ve been waiting for me.”

You feel the tension tighten between you both, and something vulnerable stirs in your chest.

He saw the emails? 

Your heart begins to race. For a second, your mind is overwhelmed, but the sincerity in his eyes keeps you in place.

“I didn’t want to burden you with this, Hoon,” you finally manage to say, your voice shaky. “I thought it was better if I just… kept it inside. I thought we’re better off as friends. I didn't want to mess up what we had. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But… I can't help how I feel.”

Sunghoon’s gaze softens, his voice slow but determined. “Y/N, I should’ve told you a long time ago. I’ve been so stupid. I was afraid it’d ruin everything. I–oh my gosh,” he ruffles his hair aggressively, pacing here and there before finally stopping in front of you, his stance determined.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demands, his voice cracking.

A warm tear falls down your cheeks, sending goosebumps throughout your body. You didn’t even realise you had been crying. “Because I was scared,” you quietly answered, your voice hoarse. 

Silence. 

The wind flutters between the two of you, stinging against your skin. 

“I… I feel the same way.” 

His words are almost fragile, like he's unsure whether to say them or not. “I’ve always felt the same. I just… never brought it up… until now. But I’m here now. And I’m finally being honest with you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Your tongue goes numb. Everything’s hitting you at the same time, crushing you under its pressure. 

Sunghoon watches you intently, waiting for a response. Getting no answer from you, he takes a step forward. 

“Y/N,” he calls softly. “Princess, answer me.”

Tears begin to rapidly fall down your cheeks, your vision blurring, a response to the culmination of years of suppressed emotions. Your shoulders begin to heave up and down as you sob silently. Sunghoon’s frown falters, and he pulls you into a hug. It’s comforting, warm, and feels like home—perfectly where you always wanted to be. 

“I’m sorry, princess, it took me so long to realise,” he mutters, placing his chin on top of your head. 

“I’ve waited for five years, Hoon,” you sob against his chest. Sunghoon smiles softly, rubbing soothing circles on your back. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here now,” he replies, “I’ll be here for you till the end of time.”

“I’ve always wanted to be the one for you, Y/N,” Sunghoon says, and your heart begins to race in disbelief.

“N-no,” you reply with a suppressed laugh, “I thought I was alone in this.”

“No,” Sunghoon shakes his head, “no, Y/N, you were never alone in this.”

“We don’t have to figure everything out right now.” Sunghoon says quietly, “I just want you to know I’m here. We’ll take it slow, okay?” 

You nod, still in his embrace. 

Like autumn, the wind rustling through the trees and golden leaves falling around them—the atmosphere around you and Sunghoon is changing. The world is moving on, yet the moment is special, as if it’s frozen in time. 

THE scent of roasted chestnuts and warm bungeo-ppang fills the crisp winter air. Around you, the night market is bustling, filled with clouds of steamy breaths and people bundled under thick coats and scarves, lined up just to buy their favourite winter treats. 

You stare at the bungeo-ppang in your hands, then at Sunghoon, who’s standing in front of you. 

“You brought me here, away from the comfort of my warm blanket, just to buy me this?” 

Sunghoon shrugs, biting into his own fish-shaped pastry. “You always wanted the most fresh, warm, and crispiest one, so I made sure to get the best for you.”

You narrow your eyes. “You’re bribing me to like you back, aren’t you?”

He smirks. “Maybe. Is it working?”

You roll your eyes, scoffing. You bite a piece out of your bungeo-ppang, looking up at Sunghoon. Your heart stutters, catching the way Sunghoon is looking at you—soft, patient, like you’re someone worth waiting even a thousand years for. 

You slowly chew the contents of your mouth, cheeks warm, but you still keep your eye contact. 

Then, almost too casually, Sunghoon says, “I want to be your first and last love.”

Your eyes bulge, and you cough as you try not to choke. Your breath catches in your throat, your fingers freezing mid-motion. The words, sudden yet sincere, hang around you and Sunghoon, light but unbelievably heavy. 

You begin to smile. You stuff a piece of bungeo-ppang into Sunghoon’s mouth. “That was so cheesy.”

Sunghoon laughs, his eyes crinkling into crescent moons. He barely manages to chew before he replies, “but you liked it.”

You don’t answer. 

Instead, you tug him down by his scarf and kiss him. 

The bungeo-ppang in your hand, your favourite winter snack, is forgotten the moment the distance between you and Sunghoon, your favourite person, closes, and his warmth melts into your own.

― © htaesan, 2025.

⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ check out PART ONE

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀want more like this? check out the 𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

[lila-dalilah]

SECOND CHANCE I

Modern!Sevika x Chubby!Reader

2.5k words

Contents: mentions of teenage pregnancy, slight mentions of homophobia, brief description of a motorcycle accident where Sevika lost her arm, age gap (Sevika is 40, reader is 22), I gave reader a name but it’s only mentioned once, heavy flirting.

Summary: Sevika decides to leave her shady life behind and moves across the globe with Anna, a friend from high school. Sevika is caught off guard by her attraction to you, Anna’s daughter.

A.N: This is the first part, a bit short but I have much more coming up… I feel the need to clarify that I placed this in Spain cause well, I live here lol. I have a full on backstory for Sevika that I’ll be sprinkling throughout. Also, I’m tagging the people who commented/rebloged my other post because I figured you would appreciate it. Enjoy!! @burntoutghost @vii-v @humbledaylily556 @ttsuvsworld @sevikaslatinawife @booksconsumeme @sevikaaaalover @shanesevikasfuckdoll

The sun was aggressive, slicing through the sky with no mercy. Sevika squinted against it, her sunglasses doing a piss-poor job of cutting through the glare bouncing off the white stone of Anna’s house. The sky was the kind of bright blue that felt offensive after countless hours on a plane with recycled air and a plastic tray of something that barely passed for chicken. 

Sevika stood on the uneven walkway leading up to the front door, sweat sticking her shirt to her back, the heat already settling in her bones like some kind of punishment. Her body was used to a different climate. A harsher one, where the heat came in waves, but never quite like this. This felt oppressive, almost suffocating.

The house itself was modest, weathered and alive in a way that felt foreign— potted plants wilting under the midday sun, laundry drying on the line, half-dry dishes stacked near an open window .The details were simple but somehow too much for her — too normal. The laundry, the dishes, the faint hum of life happening in every corner of the house. It felt so lived-in, so comfortably human, and Sevika couldn’t help but feel like an outsider, a stray dog caught on the wrong doorstep. Homey, in a way she couldn’t even remember.

Her throat felt dry, her chest tight. Maybe she was supposed to feel comforted. But all she felt was out of place. Before she could bring herself to knock, the door swung open. Anna's face appeared in the frame, warm and welcoming.

“There you are!”

Anna was older, but not much. The same laughter lines by her eyes, the same easy warmth in her expression that felt like a slap after the years of hard edges and cold glances Sevika had gotten used to. Her face was rounder now, her features softer, but her voice was the same. Her hair was pinned back in that same loose style Sevika remembered from high school, when they had both been different shades of unwanted. A teenage mom and a one armed lesbian. Hell of a pair back then. And there it was again, that jarring sense of time — Anna had moved on, grown into the woman she was meant to be. 

Anna’s arms opened wide, and before Sevika could think to sidestep, Anna was hugging her like it hadn’t been years since they stood in the same room. Sevika’s body went stiff out of habit, her arm hovering awkwardly before she finally gave in and patted Anna’s back with the flat of her palm. The motion was stiff, the touch too light, too careful. But the warmth of Anna’s hug seeped into her anyway, uninvited, like it had every other time. 

“You look like hell”Anna said, stepping back with a teasing grin that didn't quite hide the worry behind it. 

It was the kind of grin that made Sevika feel like Anna could see right through her. After all, she knew everything. Years of wrong choices and the time spent in prison. And still, Anna was welcoming her into her house like nothing had changed. 

“Flight was hell”Sevika grunted, her voice rough from too many cigarettes in airport smoking lounges. She hadn't realized how much she missed the sound of Anna’s laugh until she heard it again. 

Inside, the house smelled like coffee, sunscreen and something floral. The furniture did not match, the floors were clean but scuffed, there were photos crowding every shelf and sun-faded postcards pinned to the fridge. It was a house people lived in, not just passed through. A life built piece by piece, sunny and uneven.

It was too clean to Sevika’s comfort, too open. Like it hadn’t seen bad choices made at 3 a.m or fights over half empty baggies. This was a house for soft mornings and wine in the afternoon. Sevika’s boots felt too heavy on the tile floor, her presence too sharp for the soft world Anna had built here.

Then you walked in. Hair still damp, skin sun warm, bikini bright enough to hurt her eyes against curves Sevika couldn't help but notice. Thick thighs, soft belly, a body that took up space in the most unapologetic way. A body that commanded attention without trying. Sevika found herself frozen for a second, eyes trailing down the curve of your waist, the way your skin seemed to catch the light like it was made of something softer than anything she could touch.

You paused in the doorway, eyes flicking over Sevika with open curiosity, and for a split second, Sevika was caught off guard— exposed. She stood tall, her board frame catching your attention, tanned skin rippling with muscle beneath the faded sleeve of her t-shirt. Tattoos covered her visible arm, a labret piercing glinted beneath her asymmetrical lips.  Every inch of her felt like a statement, sharp against the softness of the room.

You turned to your mother, effortlessly switching into Spanish, assuming Sevika wouldn’t understand.

“No me esperaba que tu amiga estuviese tan buena”

I didn’t expect your friend to be so hot. 

In a different situation, Sevika might have felt a flash of pride. Her Spanish was rusty, but good enough to understand you. Instead, her brow twitched, a brief flicker of surprise crossing her face, but she didn’t say anything. Anna snorted, swatting at you with the back of her hand. But Sevika’s focus was already elsewhere, her mind replaying your words.

“Cállate”Anna said, but she was laughing. 

Sevika didn't react, even when you turned to face her again and gave her a slow, deliberate, onceover. It wasn’t the kind of look she was used to — it wasn’t hungry or mocking, just curious. You didn’t bother hiding your fascination. You looked at the scars, the empty sleeve, the worn lines of her face.  The silence between them stretched for a moment before you stuck out your hand.

“Hey”you said”I’m Angela”

Sevika took your hand without thinking. Your grip was confident, fingers soft but firm. You held on just a little longer than necessary, feeling her calloused hand against yours. 

“Sevika”she said, her voice low and flat. 

“Cool name”you said, smiling like you had already decided you liked her. 

The curiosity was still there. The half-sleeve where her arm should have been, the faded tattoos, the scars on her left side, her uneven lips. It was clear in the tilt of your head, the way your gaze lingered for just a fraction too long. There was no pity, just interest. 

Anna was talking, half distracted, explaining something about the shop and leaving Sevika to settle in. But you didn’t leave the kitchen. You leaned against the counter, watching her like you were trying to figure her out. You didn't even try to be subtle. Every time Sevika’s eyes looked your way, you shifted — stretching for something on the top shelf, the hem of your bikini bottoms slipping lower on your soft hips. You were showing off, making sure she saw every curve, every centimeter of soft skin.

And Sevika saw all of it. She liked big women — had always liked the way they filled her hands, her lap, the way they carried themselves. And you? You were a perfect example of it. Softness and confidence, wrapped into one. The way you moved, the way you bent just a little too far, making sure your ass caught her eye — it wasn’t an accident. It was deliberate. You knew exactly what you were doing, and you were doing it to draw her in. Sevika 's jaw tightened. She was too old for this. Too tired for games like that. But the thing was, she was already looking.

 

“Make yourself at home!”Anna’s voice called, her voice fading down the hall as the door clicked shut.

A mischievous grin appeared on your face as you reached for the sunscreen. You knew exactly what you were doing while you poured the creamy liquid over your body. You made a show of it. Fingers spreading the lotion across your skin, palms gliding down over your stomach, your hips, fingers teasing at the edge of your bikini bottoms. Just enough to make Sevika’s pulse hitch.

Sevika turned away. Too late. Her throat was dry, a flicker of heat creepin up her neck. When she glanced back, you were still watching her. Smirking, not even pretending to hide the satisfaction in your eyes

“Hey”you said, your voice all sugar and mischief”Can you help me with my back?”

“You can’t do it yourself?” Sevika asked, her eyes narrowed.

Her brow arched, but her feet were already moving, like her body had decided before her mind could stop it. 

“I could”you smiled, trying to look innocent”But you have a strong hands”

Sevika’s stomach tightened. She shouldn’t. You were too young. Anna 's daughter. She shouldn't feel this pull, shouldn’t want any of this. But she was already beside you, her hand slick with sunscreen, hovering just inches from your skin. 

Your back was warm under her palm, skin soft and smooth. Sevika’s fingers were rough where yours had been gentle. When her palm slid up between your shoulder blades, you made a low sound. Not quite a sigh, but close enough to make her fingers twitch, a reminder that this was no ordinary touch.

 

“Harder” you murmured, quiet but commanding.

You tipped your head to the side so you could watch her from the corner of your eye. Her fingers pressed down, kneading the sunscreen into your skin, sliding down the dip of your waist and over the curve of your hip. You arched into it, your body eager, seeking more. 

Sevika’s heart picked up its pace. It was hard to ignore your body so close to hers, they way you responded to her touch, like you needed it. She shouldn’t be feeling this way. But it was hard to fight when every inch of you seemed to beg for her hands.

“So strong… just as I like them”

Sevika’s fingers faltered just for a second before dragging back up your spine, slower this time. Her pulse was steady, heavy thud in her ears. You stayed still, letting her touch you, trusting her hand to find its way. Once your back was covered with lotion, Sevika pulled her hand away. Half relieved it was over, half wishing it hadn’t ended just yet. 

“Thanks, Sevika”you said, turning around. 

“Anytime” she replied, her voice forced to be flat. 

You smirked, walking away to find a towel and a pair of flip flops. You made sure to sway your hips, making your ass jiggle while Sevika’s eyes struggled to look away. But you knew she was watching, unable to look anywhere else.

“I’ll be down at the beach”you said”Join me if you are not too tired”

Then you were gone, leaving behind nothing but the faint scent of sunscreen and the soft patter of your feet on the tile. Sevika exhaled slowly, running a hand down her face as if trying to shake off the feeling that had crept up on her. Reluctantly, she grabbed her bag, shoulders tight, and walked down the hallway. 

The guest room was small, but comfortable. Walls pale green, the window open to let the salt air drift in. There were fresh sheets on the bed, folded towels stacked on top of the dresser. Small kindnesses she didn't know how to accept. 

Sevika sat at the edge of the bed, her duffel bag slumped at her feet like a tired dog. Worn canvas, frayed at the seams. The zipper stuck halfway if she wasn’t careful. Everything she owned fit inside it. Forty years of life reduced to a few changes of clothes, a pack of smokes and some old, faded photos. 

Sometimes it felt like a failure, proof that she had fucked it all up. Letting her whole life shrink down to something she could carry with one hand. Other times, it felt like freedom. No furniture, no keys, no lease, no obligations or ties to anything. If she wanted to leave, she could be out the door in less than a minute. Better that way. 

Sevika bent down, unzipping the bag slowly. The faint scent of old leather and cigarette smoke curled up from inside, a scent that had been with her through more motel rooms than she cared to count. She dug through her clothes, bare essentials she had packed without thinking. 

At the bottom, under a rolled up hoodie, her fingers found a Polaroid. It was creased, the colors had faded. Anna’s smile is a little softer, Sevika’s teenage scowl a little blurrier. They were standing in front of Sevika’s old motorcycle, the one she’d rebuilt from scrap after her uncle’s buddy found it rusting in a junkyard. Anna, seventeen and pregnant, wearing a band tee that stretched over her growing belly. Sevika, sixteen, already tall and broad shouldered, her arm still intact, her hair in a messy mullet. The photo felt like another life, another version of herself. 

She left the photo carefully, fingers lingering for just a moment. Her hand automatically found the scar where her left arm used to be. The skin was thick, knotted, a patchwork of surgeries. She knew every ridge and dip, could map the damage with her eyes closed.  

The accident came back in pieces— the smell of burnt rubber, the sickening crack of bone, the grinding scrape of skin against asphalt. Blood everywhere, her helmet shattered, the world spinning in a blur of pain and terror. She never rode again after that. Losing the arm should have been enough, but it was the way people looked at her afterward that stuck with her. They either stared too long or couldn’t meet her eyes at all. The girl who was already a freak for being too butch, too loud about liking girls, had become something even worse: a cautionary tale. 

Anna was the only one of her friends who stayed by her side. Even pregnant, even scared, Anna still sat with her in the sterile quiet of the hospital room, snuck her smokes when the nurses weren’t looking. They’d both been outcasts, orbiting each other like misfit planets — Anna with her growing belly, Sevika with her missing arm. Nobody else wanted them, so they stuck together.

And now here they were, more than twenty years later. Anna with her sunlit house, her life stitched together with a thousand little comforts, and Sevika, with her duffel bag full of nothing, clinging to the past like it might slip through her fingers if she let it go. Sevika slipped the Polaroid into the drawer beside the bed. Out of sight, but not too far. Some things you don’t throw away, even when you probably should. 

The sound of laughter floated in through the open window. Your laugh, bright and teasing. It prickled under her skin, already too aware of the heat still lingerie on her palm from your bare back. Sevika leaned back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, her hand resting on her stomach. 

Forty years in a duffel bag. Better that way. Probably. But there was something different about this place. A softness in the air, a possibility she hadn’t let herself believe in years. For the first time in a long while, it didn’t feel like she was just running away.

[cosmic-evening]

ᯓ★ enigma

college au!dabi x gn!reader

a/n: reader is roommates with toga! also dabi & reader both study literature bc i said so

mha m.list | gen m.list

DABI was known as the 'enigma' around the college.

he was in your year, and you'd heard all the stories about him in high school. everyone either had a crush on him or was intimidated by him—or both. he was the enigma—no one knew what course he did or how he even got into this college. you almost never saw him around campus, except when you finish you lecture, when you could see him sitting on the bench outside your classroom.

you never talked to him. you never needed to.

until he finally showed up to your literature lecture.

it's monday morning, and you're still rubbing the sleep from your eyes, when he steps into the classroom. you're shocked when you see him walk in, and you can't help but stare. it had been two months since you'd started this course; how had you never noticed him in your lecture?

he glances at you as he walks in, but takes a seat at the very back of the classroom.

there's a twinge of something in your gut that feels a little bit like disappointment. don't be silly, you think. why would he even think about sitting next to you?

throughout the lecture, you feel someone's eyes on you the entire time.

you don't think too much about the encounter until a week later.

your roommate, toga, had some friends who were throwing a flat party, and she desperately wanted you to come.

"please, y/n? it'll be fun, i promise. it's the weekend, we don't have anything better to do anyway."

and really, you think, how bad can it be?

so you show up, in a semi-fancy outfit, hair deemed 'perfect' by toga, not knowing quite what to expect.

as soon as you enter the flat, your eyes immediately latch onto one person.

dabi.

he was looking at you already, and made no effort to hide it. unsure of what to do, you smile at him.

he smirks back, and lifts a hand in greeting.

but the interaction is short-lived; before you can fully process what's happened, toga's already dragging you away to meet her friends.

so much for that, then.

whoever planned a literature lecture at 8am on monday morning must be a sadist.

you're still in a state of half-delusion, still waking up, before you realise that someone's decided to sit next to you.

from the corner of your eye, you see dyed black hair and a leather jacket.

you stiffen slightly.

there's no way. you knew you should have gotten more sleep last night.

"everything alright, doll?"

his voice is scratchy, like he's just woken up too.

you panic.

"i— uh, yeah, i'm alright, i just didn't know you took this class—"

shut up, you think. you decide right then and there that you should never speak again.

dabi laughs.

you'd never seen dabi laugh before. not without mockery.

but this?

he sounded full of mirth.

and you decide right then and there that you would cherish the sound forever.

dabi opens his mouth to speak, but the teacher had already walked in.

then you feel that twinge of disappointment again.

for some inexplicable reason, you start to notice dabi everywhere. suddenly, he's not just sitting outside the classroom after your lecture, but in the class too. he's showing up at parties, studying in the library, hanging out on campus more and more. suddenly, dabi has a social life.

you start seeing him at every party toga drags you to. every time, it's the same: he smirks at you, raises a hand in greeting, and then disappears for the rest of the night.

it confused you.

why was it that he'd hidden from everyone for so long? why now is he making his presence known?

he really was an enigma.

no, you think. he's a different type of enigma now.

before, he was an unknown. back then, you were questioning who he was. but now, after he's started hanging out with the other students, you're starting to question his intentions.

every literature lecture, dabi would slide into the seat next to you. you'd exchange some words before class. it ranged from the books you were studying to your plans for the day. and on monday mornings, right before the worst lecture time on earth, dabi would hand you a steaming cup of your order from the café across the campus.

and little by little, you start to learn little things about dabi.

like that one time he told you his favourite food was soba. or the other time he told you his birthday was in january. or the time he showed up to class, a little too quiet for your liking, and told you about his dad.

and slowly, but surely, dabi becomes less and less of an enigma to you.

the final step of the puzzle—your puzzle, the one you've been mystified by since the start—is given to you one monday morning.

dabi's not there, but you're not surprised; he tends to get to class later than you do. what did surprise you, though, was the rose and note that sat on your desk.

dearest y/n, i know that we haven't known each other for that long, and i know that sometimes, you're still confused by me. i see it in your eyes when i sit next to you in class, or when i catch your eye at a party—your gaze is calculating. i feel like every time you look at me, you've figured out a secret of mine. like you know something about me that even i don't. you feel like you've only known me for a short time; i feel like i've known you much longer. i feel like i've known you since the day of the first literature lecture; when i saw you from the window into the classroom and couldn't find the courage to go in. because you're so insanely beautiful, y/n. i felt intimidated by you—the only thought in my head at the time was 'what if you hated me?' and i was too much of a coward to find out the answer. in fact, i was so much of a coward that i couldn't find the bravery to step into that classroom until two months later. and then i got to know you. you're so incredibly smart and eloquent and so interesting to talk to. you made me want to be just as intelligent or expressive or as delightful as you, and when i thought i could never be, your words gave me motivation. so i guess what i've beeing trying to say is—i really like you, y/n. you're the first person who's ever made me feel like this, and i'd really like to take you out to the café across from campus tonight, if you'd let me. or any time you'd like. yours, dabi

when you look up, dabi's standing by the door. he's nervous, you can tell—his hands are fidgeting with his backpack strap, and his smile is a little wobbly.

when you nod, his beam is blinding.

you've solved your enigma.

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 150 (Inventing - or Reinventing? - Time Travel)

To research the possibilities of time travel, Felix Psyded, Esquire, and his girlfriend, Lilith Pleasant, had spent months at Laurel Library in Britechester. Emit's knowledge had proven helpful, but his device was too advanced for modern times and required materials yet to be discovered. They had a lot to learn, and often studied late into the evening.

These two - an attorney and a podcaster - knew next to nothing about programming or biometric sciences. But Lilith, especially, was determined to make a device to chase Emit's time thief, and Felix would stay by her side in any decade.

"I checked out a copy of A History of Time Travel like Ash suggested," she said eagerly. Felix quickly flipped her laptop to The Sims Archives, Volume 2, disguising the webpage he'd really been reading. "Are you enjoying the game? I didn't realize how much I missed playing it!"

He nodded absentmindedly, and Lilith noticed. She was about to raise the question when her twin sister, Angela, emerged from behind the bookshelves with a programming guide. "Geez, this stuff is difficult," she complained. "How are you planning to learn all this to make a time travel device?"

"Ash was taken with a faulty remote," explained Lilith. "He said we need to program it correctly or we might end up lost in time, but he's been a huge help on some things we just can't wrap our heads around."

"It's pretty crazy to let a nine-year-old help you build a device to jump through time. And how did he invent it already, because Emit's here, but not invent it yet at the same time?"

Lilith scowled at her twin. They'd been polar opposites since high school, and Lilith always felt a sense of moral superiority oozing from her earthy pastel pores. "Why are you even here, Angela? We didn't ask you for help."

"Excuse me for being interested!"

A librarian shushed them from somewhere beyond the tall rows of mahogany bookshelves, and Lilith leaned in to whisper. "You're not interested in the device, you're interested in Emit."

Angela caught herself before she let out a yowl, aghast at the suggestion. "A blue-haired time traveler? Please! Do I look desperate?"

Felix poked his head in gently, having built up a good relationship with Lilith's family. "No, but you look infatuated every time he's on TV. I don't blame you, really. He's polite, and he could well be handsome behind those sunglasses. He's mysterious; it's alluring!"

"Lil, if you're not careful, you're going to lose your boyfriend to Emit Relevart."

Lilith rolled her eyes and changed the subject as Angela huffed. "Ash thinks we need to look for something called a shard of time, which he first read about in Theoretical Electronics. He reads so fast, it's amazing! He says the shards are hard to spot, but if you look at something long enough, relax your mind, you'll see slight discoloration in an object. Once you see it, you can pick it up with your fingers. Ash said he found one on the toilet in his bathroom at home."

(This is Ash pondering time travel on the toilet for the quest points. I know it doesn't look like it but some of the event reward animations are sus or my game is broken. The actual books - Theoretical Electronics and A History of Time Travel - never appeared in Lilith's hands. That's why she's reading a violin skill book, which she picked herself when she was done reading the invisible books.)

"So you're going to go stare at toilets for a while?"

"Refrigerators, too," said Felix.

"This is so weird, you guys. Are you really serious about this?"

"After Felix is done work tomorrow, we're going back to Willow Creek to talk to Emit some more." Angela tried to stuff her hopeful expression and Lilith let out an exaggerated sigh. "Did you want to come with us?"

"Well...if you think I'd be helpful I'd be happy to-"

"Ange..." Lilith pursed her lips. She loved her sister, but she was always like this. "I said you could come and meet Emit. Don't act like it's a favour to me."

They made it to Willow Creek Park the next evening, where they found Emit still wandering the paths. He smiled and waved when he spotted the girls waiting for Felix near the public restroom. "Lilith Pleasant! I hoped you'd be back. Most of the gawkers have been unserious, and they don't come around as much now that the news cycle's moved on a little."

"We wouldn't know where to begin, but we've been getting help from someone...Does the name Ash Landgraab mean anything to you?"

After everything they'd learned about Ash's visit from the ghost of Marco, Lilith posed her question carefully. When Emit frowned, shaking his head, her shoulders dropped in relief. "Everyone's heard of the Landgraabs, but Ash Landgraab doesn't really ring a bell. Why?"

The sisters looked at each other. "When you're from, who invented time travel?"

Emit laughed as Felix joined them. "That's one of life's great mysteries! It's thought whoever invented it wanted - or needed - to be protected, so their identity was kept secret. When I was at the academy, there were rumours the inventor was a kid and that's why their name was never recorded, but some say people did know, and the inventor was well known once upon a time, but the truth was lost to history."

Felix chuckled. "Perhaps the truth was hidden by another time thief."

Lilith and Angela laughed with him, but Emit's face held a stern expression. "Time thieves aren't that funny. They could erase history as we know it if they try hard enough. Some days, my wristboard pings so often, each time they move to a new time, I can't possibly chase them alone. We're lucky the one we're dealing with is just dropping household furnishings all over the place. So far." He dropped his voice in an ominous tone. "But even that could break the strings holding time in place."

"Wow, you know so much!" Angela gushed at the blue-haired man, and he looked back to Lilith with a curious expression.

"Is this your clone?"

Lilith laughed, but Angela laughed louder. "This is my twin sister, Angela."

"It's nice to meet you, Angela."

They shared a sweet smile, and Lilith glanced knowingly at Felix. "We also wanted to ask you about shards of time," she said. "Where are the best places to look for them?"

Emit looked back to Lilith as though he'd forgotten she was there. "Shards? Oh shards! Sorry, our tech hasn't had to use shards for a long time. Shiny surfaces are best, but I suppose they could be anywhere, really, if you look long enough."

"That's what Ash said."

"This Ash sounds fascinating. I'd like to meet him, or his guardians, since you mentioned last time he's a child, didn't you? You're...you're not saying he's the one who invented time travel..."

"He hasn't yet," said Angela. "He's almost ten, but these two would probably be hopeless without him. He's the one who discovered the shards."

"A child Landgraab invents time travel? That is a headline!"

"His parents - at least his mother and his stepfather - don't want people hounding him the rest of his life."

"I don't blame them. It's important to protect children - even brilliant ones."

"Should you meet him some day, I think you'd be quite impressed by him," said Felix. "He's nothing like the rest of the Landgraabs."

Emit laughed. "What do you mean? The Landgraabs are incredible. They spent six billion simoleons to end global hunger and built the ship that stopped the asteroid. A Landgraab is president of Simlandia right now. Well, right where I came from."

Felix shared looks of surprise with Lilith and Angela. "Maybe Marco's stunt changed more than we thought," he mused.

Felix and Lilith paid attention to each other while Angela made small talk with Emit. But Emit seemed uninterested in her flirty advances, which he returned with friendly nods and turned glances.

Before they left him in the early hours of the morning, Felix gave him a burner phone so they could reach out if they had more questions. Emit took the untraceable phone willingly, glancing quickly at Angela before sending them home with polite goodbyes.

When they got back to the old three-story home they shared with Angela and her parents in Gibbs Hill, Lilith quickly went to bed. But Felix was mulling something over in his mind.

He tried reading, but his mind moved too fast to take in the paragraphs. When dawn finally broke and he left for work the next morning, he called his favourite grumpy police captain on the way.

"Hey. I know it's early, but I was wondering if you had a few minutes. I've got a problem I need to talk about..." ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 2.1 Summary

Gen 1 Start | Gen 1 Summary

Last shot is of Felix is his work attire and not on the phone with Conrad because I liked it. He is not without swagger!

NOTE: If you've played through the event, you know the story is diverging a bit from the strict tasks since Emit isn't the sole source of information for Lilix here. Also, Angela had that instant attraction to Emit and I want to see if I can see that through. Even though Emit is being very professional-adjacent about it, he accepted some of her flirts, but not all, so I gave it a rest before he got mad. But once again, I'm making something much bigger than it is for the sake of plot.

[entities-of-posts]

When I was little, I was terrified of space. Which was funny, because one of my favorite books was a constellations activity book. I think I just liked it for the Greek myths tied to the constellations. I still have it, I think, up in my room. It's the kind of thing you just don't have the heart to get rid of. But that's besides the point.

One time, in elementary school, we took a field trip to the little observatory in the high school. No telescope or anything, but it had one of those fancy, expensive, spherical projectors and a domed ceiling. I remember the red lighting around the rim of the ceiling, so that we could see our worksheets but it was still dark. Something about red light not really registering as bright light, and helping your eyes adjust to darkness? I dunno. Again, I'm getting off topic.

I don't really remember what the presentation was about, what the person said. I remember the wobbly seat that leaned back so you didn't strain your neck looking up. I remember the stars across the ceiling. I remember the person fast-forwarding the projection through the whole year, watching the constellations and planets move.

I felt so small. I was terrified. The universe is huge, and I'm just one little kid on one little planet. Would anything I do ever matter? Would anyone remember me? I was so scared, I felt sick to my stomach. I left the observatory feeling hollow.

And one time, my parents were watching Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey. Neil deGrasse Tyson was talking about the life cycle of stars, and how, in 5 billion years, the sun will run out of hydrogen, and for 3 billion years it will swell, swallowing Mercury, Venus, and Earth. I tried to tune it out, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. Why did it matter to me? I'd be gone by then. I shouldn't care what happens in billions of years. but the idea of the sun devouring its children, burning them up in its hunger and desperation…

There are little things, too. I'm afraid of heights, but only if they’re not contained. I have really strong call to the void - the urge to throw yourself off the edge. My school auditorium has a balcony, and when I was touring the campus for some class, the instinct was so strong I had to stand as far away from the railing as possible, and I still got dizzy. My knees were weak, I was shaking, the world was spinning. No one noticed.

Ironically, my most pleasant dreams are ones where I’m flying. The wind in my hair, the breathlessness. Tucking my wings in to dive, or fall, so fast I think I’ll hit the ground, and opening them at the last moment to skim just above the Earth, then soaring up into the clouds again…

But as far as space goes? I lived with that fear for years and years. But one day, maybe when I was 18 or something, I don’t remember, something just… changed. I was in a depressive episode, I think, and it was like 10pm. I was the only one awake in my house. Talking online wasn’t enough, I needed to get out of my head. So I just… went outside. There were no clouds. There was light pollution, sure, but I could see Orion’s belt, at least.

And just… Just sitting there, looking at the inky black of the sky, hearing the nightbirds and cicadas and crickets and distant traffic, I just… I don’t know. I finally felt like I was a part of it all. A small part, maybe, but an important part. A tapestry is nothing without all the little individual threads, and I was one of those threads. I could finally see that. And I could see the butterfly effect of my actions, my kindness, just my presence. Rippling out from me, to those I loved, to whomever they love, to people I’ve never met, people in other countries. I could see it all.

And I heard the universe sing. Every cell in my body, every atom under my feet and circling through my lungs, every star lightyears away. It was all singing, and I could finally hear it. And it was all just for me, just in that moment.

“You are part of me,” it said. “You will always be. Don’t forget that.”

And I, uh. I haven’t.

The Vast, perhaps more than any other Fear, weaves wonder and dread together beautifully. It’s just awe-striking, for better and worse.

[dreamwreaver]

i honestly don't ship Alastor with anyone but Charlie. Like yeah I find the other radio ships interesting in concept but I really can't see Alastor developing romantic feelings for them. Alastor as a character is complex so it stands to reason that if he were to ever have a love interest it would be someone to match all the incredibly specific things he'd potentially want in a partner and who has the qualities that he needs in order to change as a character.

I say there is nothing wrong with a good old fashioned crackship. That being said; everything about charlastor fascinates me because you can drop their characters in any setting and their personalities are intact. Charlie can be anything from the popular girl in high school to an up and coming business woman trying to make it in the cutthroat world of corporate to a florist to a barista and her disposition is the same.

Same with Alastor. Even if you DONT take away the aspect of him being a serial killer. He's charming, charismatic, condescending, and a bit standoffish. He's someone sexually experienced yet still asexual or he's a hundred and forty year old virgin speed running post mortem puberty. And yet something about his and Charlie's character types always gravitates one to the other so naturally. And this isn't even a "I like het ships" preference. I honestly don't care. But if charlastor were some flavor of gay? It would be the most popular ship in the fandom.

And while I think that there's a ship for every shipper, I would like to point out that Charlie and alastor's individual characters are so well developed that their interactions come across as far more natural when turned to a romantic inclination than most others.

[user947468]

NSFW Alphabet - Arisu Ryohei

Hello! If you're from my Chishiya fic please look away, I am really deep in writers block and I thought this could be fun.. Warning this is fully explicit, if you're not into that please click off!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Very, very gentle. He's scared that he hurt you in someway, or was too rough, or you would regret it immediately after- doesn't matter if you took the initiative or not. Despite being a borderline genius- he's not that knowledgeable in after care, but he tries his best. Cleaning you and himself up after with a wet rag, tissues, toilet paper- which ever was the most convenient at the time- and making sure you feel comfortable, asking if you need anything, ect, ect.. he loves your comforting praises after more than he would like to admit.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Arisu couldn't answer that question earnestly with a gun to his head. He didn't have a favorite, couldn't physically choose one. He was obsessed with everything about you, infatuated with every inch of your being- one moment he would ogle your thighs, than your waist, your chest, your lips, your eye's- yep, he would have to take the bullet. As for him.. well, they don't call them gamer fingers for nothing. He's a bit too proud of how long he can go without getting a hand cramp.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

When Arisu was young he was freaked out by it, thought it was dirty and inhuman- even though it subsided in his late high school years and his hormones were flying through the roof it was always a thought in the back of his mind. That's why it took him by complete shock when you asked him if he wanted to cum on your face, and how fast he came after the fact. He couldn't take his eye's off you after, having to shake himself out of his mind before he got hard again.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

While not major to most- Arisu would never admit to watching as much porn as he frequently does. He's an absolute porn-freak. One websites, apps, magazines- you name it, he's seen it. Oh, and he has a thing for keeping your underwear- which he would never tell you of course, or take without your permission!

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He's not a virgin, while he doesn't have women throwing themselves at him left and right, he's not completely oblivious to the sex scene. And sure, he's watched it, and heard story's from his friends- but doing it is a whole other ball park.. its a good thing he's a fast learner. But there are still a good handful of thing he's yet to be introduced too.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Anything you want. Preferably position's he could fully watch you in, but if wanted to try something new Arisu was anything but picky. However, he does have a knack for missionary and cowgirl- he adores picking apart your reactions, how your head throws back when he fondles your breast, or when he sucks bruises into your neck and you follow up with a low moan.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Arisu always tries to make light of a situation with humor. Especially during your first few nights together; if he feels like the silences are too prolonged he'll tell a joke, or when you make a move and all he can do is let out a nervous giggle- its adorable in hindsight, although you know he hates when he reacts like a untouched-virgin.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Nicely trimmed, not too short, not too long. Before you, he would never give shaving a second glance. After all why would he need too? No one was going to see him there anyways. It was on your first date that he bashfully decided to keep himself more well groomed, for your sake.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Nervous, of course. He's overly sensitive, hyper-aware of everything going on- and you wouldn't have it any other way. He's takes his time, making sure you know how much you mean to him every step of the way- whether is be by his words, or his hands, or his tongue..

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He surprisingly has a higher sex drive than you would think. He could go one after the other after the other.. he only needs a few length breaks in between before he's back on track! His record was four in one day- which he only counted because of a stupid, and completely childish bet with Karube and Chota.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Arisu never gave thought to power play, especially being titled the submissive one- and maybe it was just you that provoked it in him-but when you first climbed on-top of him, whispering borderline pornographic praises in his ear- moving his hands where you wanted them, refusing to let him cum to early- he knew he would do anything you asked, and you knew it too.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Bedroom- preferably yours. Covered completely by you; your clothes, your perfume, your bed sheet.. he's not one to venture off, especially while still living with family. Although his guard does lower in the borderlands, he'll do it anywhere he deems safe enough for you.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Everything. Nothing. Someday's he could see you in a skimpy bathing suit and all he can think is how beautiful your eyes are or how much he adores your laugh. Other days he can get hard in an instant if you look at him a certain way- mind twirling with different images of you- you under him, on-top of him, him between your legs...

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything to hurt you is an absolute no. Blood, knifes, scratch marks- there all no-go's. He's even hesitant to use degrading nicknames. Although he wouldn't mind mild restrains or gags of some sort, on him of course. And don't even think about calling him daddy, he will gag.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves both! Want to give him a blowjob? His pants are already coming off. You asked him to eat you out? He's on his knee's in seconds. Although he love's you warm mouth and curious tongue- nothing beats being between your legs. Tasting you, smelling you- don't even get him started on you tightening your thighs around his head, keeping him in place while you ride out your orgasm.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) 

Most of the time Arisu likes to keep it slow and sensual, covering every conceivable inch of you in small kisses and following your shape with gentle wandering hands. Once in a while he'll get caught up in bliss, pace radical and tight grips- but he'll apologies immediately after, brushing your hair out of the way and asking if your okay- you always are.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not his favorite, he enjoys cherishing every moment with you, every whimper and shutter of yours graved into his mind- but there not half bad in his opinion. He has morning wood but a class in fifteen minutes? If your up for it, he is too. After all he would be a fool to not take the chance up.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) 

If it's nothing too crazy, like almost sadistic, he'll try anything once if it makes you happy. Arisu has no problem stepping out of his comfort zone for you, matter of fact doing introduced him to things he would have never known he was into. Although you'll have to slowly get through his shy demeanor at first.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He's a loser-gamer with a porn addiction... yeah he's not lasting long at all! But he does really, really, try to hold off when you ask him too, after all he doesn't want to disappoint you. Either way he makes up for it by offering a second round, he'll need a second to recharge but as soon as you start leaving kisses down his neck it's go time!

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) 

Would he ever by himself? Absolutely not. Even if he wanted too, he'd be too embarrassed to go out and buy one- hell, he wouldn't even want the charge on his card. Besides a fleshlight - which was a joke gift Karube got him for his birthday, "I knew you'd love it!" he said, watching Arisu's face turn the brightest shade of red any ones every seen- Arisu's never once owned a sex toy on his own account. Until he meet you. It started off innocent enough- cheeky lingerie, strawberry lube, clit vibrators- than you turned the vibrators on him and introduced him to male sex toys.. he was sure his brain chemistry changed after the fact.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

You would say he's a tease, he would say he's making sure every inch of you doesn't go unappreciated. He really doesn't mean too, and when ever he notices you getting aggravated or huffy for more friction, he gives you a sly smile and ask's you what you want him to do to you. When said, he jumps straight into action.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) 

Arisu really tries to hold it in, truly, with all his might - but he's just naturally loud. And you would be lying if you said he wasn't good at it. Every whimper, moan, grunt, and curse could be heard from the man, none of his reactions going unnoticed. He didn't shy away from being verbal either, much to your delight.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

This man is most love-struck fool ever. And that leads to a lot of desperation on his end, especially while your away. How dare you treat him so good? Give him the most live changing orgasm than leave to your collage classes thirty minutes latter? The amount of things he's rubbed himself off too because of it was shameful; your voicemail, a small note you left him on a sticky note, the smell of your shampoo..

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) 

Arisu was an average length, 6 and a half inches long - he swear the half inch makes a huge difference - and a width of an inch and a half, lean like the rest of his body. Pale pink and a strong veins coming from his shaft, they were always the most sensitive- along with his tip of his dick.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He could do without getting off everyday. Sleeping through it or taking a cold shower if necessary, and he never beg you into anything you weren't in the mood for but it's safe to say it doesn't take long to get him in the mood.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

As much as his hormones love raging off the charts- his physical athleticism slows him down. Generally he could fall asleep anywhere, anyplace in seconds- but plus being physically and mentally tired? He's already in a deep sleep. (After after-care, of course) Good luck trying to wake him up!

[wilmonsfolklore]

Wilmon fic recs!

my health has been shit lately but at least it's given me the time to read a lot of fics, so I thought I'd rec a few!! of course this is a non-exhaustive list and there is so much other beautiful fic out there. also remember to leave comments and kudos if you enjoy any of these!!

here's some of my favourite WIP's that im obsessed with and that brighten my days with their updates <3

like we've never touched before by nonalovesyou - Post season 1 angst in 2025? I'm so happy it exists. Simon gets assigned to tutor Wille in math and they (in a S2 way) awkwardly, inevitably, try to reconnect. Simon's characterisation is incredible, the angst hurts in the best way, and I'm so excited to see it continue.

Hope And Legacy by @malinowaj - Simon and Wille are both pro figure skaters and Simon gets forced to coach Wille by Kristina. Sports AU's have a special place in my heart and this one is just perfect. The way their relationship slowly and organically develops feels so realistic and is incredibly heartwarming. And it's actually gotten me more interested in figure skating, which is fun!!

Even If It's Just Us by queerfrogprince - Wille and Simon reconnect after years to travel Europe together. Wille is grieving, it's messy, it's painful, it hurts, it doesn't shy away from difficult yet important conversations. It's also comforting in a way their relationship kind of inherently is and their natural connection and pull towards each other is so well described. And also, they feel so grounded in every place they visit. I drop everything every time an update comes out.

Change My Mind by @iwouldnevergetintofanfic - Wille comes to Hillerska two years later, Felice wants to date him, and is best friends with Simon. I love Simon and Felice's dynamic in this, and the way Wille keeps subverting Simon's expectations never gets old to me. And Simon finding more of a place at Hillerska is really interesting and fun to read about, it feels really grounded and has those true high school experience-vibes to me. Really excited to see how this one will play out!

come closer and see into the dark by @bigalockwood - Simon and Wille are ghosthunters who work together and care a little bit too much for each other to be professional. There's angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, tension, everything you could ever want. The way their personalities got so perfectly influenced by the world they're in is impeccable and I could talk about it for hours. A masterpiece.

land between our bodies by @phneltwrites - Wille and Simon don't get back together at the end of S3, instead they start to fake date. But this is so, so, much more than that. It explores Simon's character in a way that has made me actually understand him better, the writing is gorgeous, it has one of my favourite OC's of all time, and the way the inevitability and yet the active choice of Wille and Simon's relationship plays into everything here... It hurts and it is so good.

Et c'est le but! by @piebingo - Simon moves across the world to play hockey and live with a host family, Wille's of course. There's only one chapter of this so far but the premise of this is so exciting, and the first Wilmon interaction had me invested already. Really looking forward to reading more of this!

Running With Wolves by @enjoythesilentworld - I'm kind of cheating by putting this one in because I've only read the first chapter but I am already so invested. I never knew the YR fandom needed their own crime novel but this made me realise we so do. Detective Simon, crimeboss Wille, an intricate and incredibly developed plot and so so so much tension. It doesn't get better than that.

And also, because I couldn't bear leaving these out, a few finished works that I really really enjoyed reading!!

Moon go down (do it again) by @skibasyndrome - Wille and Simon in Simon's dorm a few months into meeting and their first uni semester. This has been living in my head since I first read it. The atmosphere, the writing, the quietness of the scene and the loudness of their emotions, the sweetness of the moment. It's so perfectly captured and I want to be in it forever. I'm so happy to have this fic to read whenever I want some comfort.

Take A Punt by @gulliblelemon - Wille and Simon connect in a UK university town. I loved following along as this was posted. It's lighthearted and cute, and it's adorable and fun how Wille is so immediately mesmerised by Simon. But there's also some honest and emotional conversations, and the awkwardness of the transition from accidently spending time together to doing it very much on purpose. Perfect for a pick me up after a tough day.

Never Not You by @pagegirlintraining - Twelve years after the sex tape, Wille and Simon are best friends but have moved on romantically. Or have they?? I was lucky enough to binge this fic when it was finished because oh my god I don't think I could've managed to wait with how invested I was. The fact that this fic had both pov's added so much and puts you right into both of their headspaces. Characterisation is incredible and the dynamic is so Wilmon but has also clearly grown up with them. It's exceptionally painful and messy, but just like with their relationship, it is more than worth it.

[grahamzcracker]

hi!

saw you're looking for request!!! maybe jackie taylor x f reader? pre-established relationship!

readers part of the teammmm. she's pretty much on jackies side the entire time everytime the girls start to be mean or disrespectful and all to jackie. when jackie goes outside after the fight, r goes to follow but jackie ask to be alone for a bit. she reluctantly agrees, but goes in and out of sleep the entire night, taking a few seconds each time to look at jackie. at one point she sees jackie in the snow and races to get her. jackies pretty much almost dead but r gets to her in time!

the other girls hear the commotion as she brings jackie in. everyone's in the living room, no one slept in the attic (for drama purposes I suppose lmao). r takes jackie to the fireplace and basically tells the other girls to screw off:p

hope this one is good! and thank u!!!

— looking out for you | jackie taylor

| w.c : 915 / request status : open ! |

Jackie stood outside, her breath a cloud of mist in the dark, the remnants of her argument with Shauna still echoing in her ears.

“I’m sure everyone back home is so fucking sad to be losing their perfect little princess, but they’ll never know how tragic, and boring, and insecure you really are. Or how high school was the best your life was ever gonna get.”

Is that really how Shauna felt? Is that how she’s been feeling the entire time they’ve been friends? After all those years?

You had been watching her from the window as everyone else slept, your heart aching for her.

You knew what it was like to feel like an outsider, to be cast aside, but for Jackie, it was something different. She had been there before, at the top of the social hierarchy, but after the crash, everything changed. She felt alone. She knew she wasn’t any good out in the wilderness, that she wasn’t much help, but it still hurt to see her teammates, her friends, pushing her aside.

When the argument erupted, you had stood up to Shauna in Jackie’s defense—you were always by her side. When the others turned their backs on her, you didn't.

You saw past her facade. You understood the girl beneath the perfect smile. Jackie was struggling, and no one else was willing to help her through it. But you were.

So when she left the cabin, you knew you had to follow. But Jackie, stubborn as ever, refused and said, "Look—I appreciate you coming out here, but I really need some time alone."

It was clear from her voice that she needed space. And despite every instinct telling you to chase after her, to hold her, you nodded, swallowing your concern. "Okay. I'll be inside if you need me."

You couldn't sleep longer than thirty minutes at a time after that. The tension in your chest was too much. You tossed and turned in your makeshift bed on the floor, staring at the ceiling, listening to the wind outside. Every time you shut your eyes, a fragment of Jackie's face lingered—her hurt, her frustration, her vulnerability. It was impossible to escape.

After hours of restlessness, you gave up and went back to the window, your eyes scanning for Jackie. And there, in the distance, you saw her. Asleep in the … snow?

Holy shit, it snowed. It snowed and Jackie was still outside.

Without thinking, you bolted out the door. The cold air was harsh against your skin, but you didn’t care.

You had to get Jackie inside. Fast.

By the time you got to her, she was barely conscious. Her face was pale, lips tinged blue, and her body was stiff with the cold. Her breathing was shallow, each exhale looking like a struggle. Panic surged through you as you knelt beside her, your hands trembling as you gently shook her.

"Jackie, Jackie, hey!" You pleaded, trying to wake her. Her eyes flickered open, and for a moment, she looked confused. Dazed.

You heard her murmur something, but couldn’t make it out. You gathered her up in your arms, lifting her carefully, her body limp against yours.

The other girls were gathered in the living room, having woke up when they heard you rush outside, their murmurs dying down as you burst through the door, panting and carrying Jackie. They all turned to look at you, but you didn't give them a chance to speak.

"Get out of the way," you snapped, urgency in your voice. "She's freezing, and I don't have time for any of you right now."

Shauna opened her mouth to say something, but you shot her a glare that stopped her cold. She knew you were serious.

You took Jackie over to the fireplace, gently setting her down on the floor. You grabbed a couple blankets, wrapping them around her. The fire crackled, the heat slowly starting to seep into her frozen body.

Jackie's breathing was still shallow, but at least now it was steady. You sat by her side, holding her against you.

"She's going to be fine," you muttered more to yourself than anyone else, trying to reassure yourself as much as you were Jackie.

Shauna stepped closer and crouched down, trying to take a look at Jackie.

“Jackie? I’m really sorry about—”

“Oh, shut up, Shauna! Don’t act like you care now. If she was out there any longer, she would’ve been dead, and it would’ve been your fault! All of you need to seriously just fuck off and give her some space.”

The room went silent and everyone took in your words. Shauna was stunned, but didn’t need to be told twice. She backed away and gestured for the others to follow her.

Wherever they went didn’t concern you, all that mattered to you now was that you and Jackie were finally alone.

You turned back to Jackie, brushing a lock of hair from her face, your heart aching at the vulnerability that was so apparent.

"You're safe now... I'm not leaving you."

The warmth from the fire began to bring some color back to her cheeks, and her gaze flickered up to your eyes, her lips curving into the faintest of smiles.

"Thanks," she whispered, her voice raspy but full of gratitude.

You squeezed her hand gently. "You don't have to thank me. I'm always going to be here for you, whether you want me to be or not."

———————

A/N : my first time writing for yellowjackets ! i hope i did ur request justice , anon 😓 ! also , sorry if the double spacing bothers anyone, i mainly just do it when i’m writing so i can read easier while proofreading! if i don’t do it , my brain mixes the words together and i lose track of where i’m at :’|

[thecircularsystem]

Alright! Let’s break this down.

Don’t talk about their symptoms beyond alters

When I first started in system spaces, I didn’t recall any trauma, and had a hard time even realizing I had amnesia/dissociation. Even then, how would I discuss it? “lol forgot my test today, terrified I’m going to fail out of college” isn’t what I want to post. I don’t want to surround myself with misery when life is already such shit.

So I post the positive stuff. And when I was younger (like 19-21) it was much, much harder to be positive about trauma and dissociation. It was always easier to be positive about alters.

And now, as someone in recovery… I still largely post about my parts, because I’m now integrating with them and seeing more and more about them. Now I can feel our interactions more clearly than ever. Talking about it reminds me of how far I’ve come.

So, I really think this “red flag” is frankly bullshit. It dismisses a lot of individuals recoveries, and dismisses the fact that the majority of people online are trying to escape misery.

Minors, self-diagnosed, who have awareness of parts

Describing me nearly perfectly, back when I joined system spaces. Only difference was I was a newly minted 19 year old, so not a minor. However, I had an incredible awareness of my parts since age 15 or so, and by 19 (when I rediscovered my system and learned what DID was), I had an entire google document of likes, dislikes, appearance, age, etc, and we had an incredibly vivid innerworld. I needed that to not lose my mind.

Sure, maybe it’s unlikely. But genuinely, how often are you seeing people that fit the exact criteria you’ve listed? For instance:

I always say I have had near perfect communication with my parts. And I stand by that, because we’ve always been able to communicate damn well. But through therapy, we worked out that a part that I thought split in college had been there since early high school — and we could even now pinpoint times he fronted. So that means we didn’t know all of our parts perfectly, despite thinking we did.

Does that mean I was faking DID? Or was I just wrong about my experiences with DID?

I appreciate that you’ve brought up that every system is different — but none of the things you listed even go against the criteria. None of these things would stop an individual from being diagnosed.

Anger over being told they’re wrong

I’ve now fit two of the Criteria of Faking DID that you listed. As expected, I’ve been told I’m wrong about my experiences countless times online. I was told my experiences aren’t possible with DID. I’ve been told:

My trauma isn’t real trauma.

I can’t know my alters.

I can’t remember things between switches.

I can’t like having DID.

And a thousand other things. That if I did any of XYZ, then it would immediately invalidate my existence.

… yeah so forgive me if that pissed me off a bit and made me aggressive. Because none of these things go against the criteria for diagnosis. None of what you listed is “not how DID works.” So it’s frustrating existing as a system and being told constantly that I’m not.

As for your comment about diagnosis — I can’t chime in on that one, given that I was diagnosed essentially immediately upon receiving medical care. But I will say, if they want help, they need a medical care team that they feel listens to them. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink, especially if you yell at the horse and tell them they’re fake, you know? I don’t know why people get so upset about this.

id say a good 95% of people on tumblr who claim they have DID/OSDD do not actually have it, if u know anything about the disorder at all it is so easy to tell that a good chunk of people on this site (as well as apps like tiktok, discord, etc) are faking