#“ftr i'm high as i write this”

[invinciblerodent]

Some lines of dialogue from my notebook that I happen to kinda like, just because 🙂

"Of course I've heard of you, [Blade of the Frontiers]. You were my father's favorite son, and he hadn't even sired you."

"I've never chosen anything for myself- not before meeting you. But now, it's... it's you, only you that I want. Messy, mortal, majestic you."

"I thought maybe, if I got my shit together enough to be able to tell you who I am, there could be a chance that you might like that person enough to kiss her."

"Darling, you know I accept compliments face-to-face-- going behind my back for it is such a waste of perfectly good praise."

"Delightful conversation, this. I certainly can't think of a topic more pleasant than my violent death."

"You cannot truly be so arrogant as to believe yourself the first man to break my heart."

"It would be the single greatest kindness you could ever do me, if you promised -this time truly promised- that if I am to go, if I am to change, it'll be you sinking the blade of mercy into my heart."

"I wish I had your kind of confidence. But I've said those same words enough times-- I unfortunately know very well when they're bullshit."

"I'm willing to lie about a lot of things, to a lot of people, but to lie to the pig about how the sausage is made as it is being led to slaughter.. sounds especially cruel."

"I feel that after so long roaming unclaimed, my heart is one that... yearns, for a cage now."

"This person you speak of in such disgust is twice, thrice, a thousand fucking times the man you could ever have hoped to be in your pathetic, hateful, narrow little chickenshit life."

"When I said I'm in love with you, when I said that I choose you, I meant every breath, every syllable, with my being entire. Gods know why you'd choose me in return, but make no mistake, my dear-- the very prospect of my being allowed to love you, it is nothing short of pure euphoria."

"Over a hundred lifetimes, over a million possiblities... there is not a world in which I wouldn't have fallen in love with you."

"Why do you so crave the forgiveness of a goddess so spiteful that she'd deny it to you while you still live?!"

"Oh, darling, I've merely whetted my appetite for you." "Then devour me."

"Wherever you are when your mind is so far, I'd like to go with you someday."

"Aw, were you worried about me?" "No, but I'd have hated to carry you back to camp with your liquefied innards oozing from your every orifice." "See, I was trying to make a joke, and you ruined it." I'm sorry. Does it help if I say I'd have carried you in my arms like a pretty, pretty princess?"

"If I threw myself into the harbor in despair every time I felt guilt over what I've done, the coast would be littered with my corpses."

"I can show you my skill if that is your desire, Saer- or you may also believe me, and stop looking the heavily armed gift horse in the mouth."

[monstersinthecosmos]

can i ask what you mean re: disliking how the amc show deals with SA? (zero judgement ftr i just love hearing opinions about this show from other simple italian perv enjoyers. btw you're one of my favorite fic authors ever ever & i think abt gallows bird daily 🙈)

Obviously since you mentioned Gallows Bird in this very ask (thank you btw dskjglads I’m blushing) I’m not going to sit here and say people should never write about rape!!!!!!!!!!!  And I’ve been soul searching and talking this out with a friend today to make sure I’m not just being a hater and that I’m not having cognitive dissonance over the difference between writing porn (intentionally, intended as porn, labeled as porn) vs lazily throwing sexual assault at female characters for “character development”.

(putting this under a cut bc I'm not trying to hate on youse guys's show!!)

It's not that we should never talk about it, or never write about it, but I think it’s like any other storytelling where like, the framework and intention inside the text matters, and criticizing if it landed the way the creator intended is worth discussing. So like, I’m a fan of noncon smut fic, I won’t deny that. I also approach it in a context where I know I’m consuming smut, and it was intended as smut, and it belongs in its own lane. And I think, personally, I enjoy fics (which by nature are anarchistic and transformative) because they tend to be a commentary either on our culture or on the canon source material. Even when fanfics are PWPs that don’t go out of their way to talk about character arcs or make profound commentary on the canon, fanfic EXISTS as a commentary on canon in the first place, so it’s there by default.

So with AMC there’s a few things that really bother me about how they wrote Claudia in S1, and full disclosure I haven’t watched S2 yet, so take this with a grain of salt.

I don’t think it’s cool when a production team of mostly cishet men think that the only way to develop a female character is to have her raped. It’s lazy and it’s hurtful to the audience, and in this particular show it was not handled with sensitivity to make the story worth it. Like, what was the weight of the scene vs what it told us, and what was the payoff? Did the show earn this? (I personally don’t think it did.)

RJ himself said it was to “toughen her up” and that’s just, absolutely fucking nauseating to me, especially when it’s stamped with so many hallmarks of How Not to Write Rape. For example, the fact that they use it to tell us about LOUIS. It’s about LOUIS. It’s not about Claudia at all; we see her assault and the net result is seeing how it affects the MEN in her life. And even using her diary as a framing device for these moments, to tell it from her own words the best they can, it’s still about Louis. The pages being ripped out (in S1, idk how this lands in S2) are about protecting Louis. Claudia didn't remove the pages to protect herself, as far as we know--the men in her life removed them to protect Louis. Fridging a female character for the sake of developing the mens feelings is lazy and obnoxious, and in this story in particular it felt extremely unnecessary to the plot, and adding it at all just came across as gratuitous to me.

(Also, I can tell that this show is like, an exercise in slow burning, but, I just think the bar is really fucking high if they make this all mean something smarter but made everyone sit through this and wait 1.5+ years to get around to tucking it in lol. And like, idk what the pages could possibly say/how they will present it that will change my opinion, but RJ's comments can't be unheard so I'm not sure it matters and the trust simply isn't here, for me. Personally I don't have the patience to wait years for a show to close a loop like this but maybe you're more patient than me.)

I don’t want to get into a whole side essay about how gross I find the Claudia writing in general, but like, as a TLDR the way they aged her up only to reduce her to sex is just so fucking gross to me, and not like in a IT’S HORROR, IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE GROSS way, but in a This Is Kinda Fucking Sexist way. Especially with the sexist comments RJ has made about Anne Rice herself, while piggybacking her IP to make his show. But like, there were OTHER things about Claudia already. They already told us she came from an abusive background. She did not need to be raped for her to come home and recognize the abuse between her parents. Any number of horrific things could’ve happened to her out in the world, but the only way this team knows how to traumatize a girl is to have her raped.

And again I didn’t watch S2 yet so like, I’m not entirely sure how it shakes out, correct me if I’m wrong, but we find out now that it was prolonged and worse than what S1 showed us?

Like, why.

Who does the torture porn serve. We already got it, it was already horrific. We already got it. You’re overselling lol.

Claudia is already tough. She survived her dismal mortal life, she survived Lestat. She was brave enough to wander into the world, not just as a teen, but as a Black girl! She was already independent! In the book, she was the driving force behind helping Louis escape Lestat, and she was pulling the strings in getting them to Europe. The show has that material to pull from. We can see that she’s strong already. We don’t need more rape to communicate it. It’s lazy and gross. Especially when, in the same episode, they are able to traumatize Louis with horrific violence. The show knew how to use violence, mind gift manipulation, race and age and power dynamics in ways that did not involve rape, but still chose to have Claudia raped.

I don’t have an issue with stories talking about sexual assault but I think like, especially after Game of Thrones, we’ve had like, 10 years of media criticism mapping out how to write sexual assault successfully or respectfully, we’ve had endless commentary about how we can find other ways to traumatize women that do not rely on sexual assault, we’ve had endless commentary about how stories about sexual assault would be more effective if they were about the victim and not ultimately about the men in the story.  Like, enough of this already.

So, I’ll be curious to see how the show handles Armand’s sexual assault history, and if we see the writing handled differently because he’s a man, or because we have him directly on screen to tell us about it. This might reveal if this is a like, “only tool in the toolbox is rape” situation or a “women exist in fiction to be raped” situation. But if Lestat suffered at the hands of Magnus without being raped and Louis suffered at the hands of Lestat without being raped*, I have to ask why it was okay to have Claudia raped, why that was the thing they came up with, and while they can’t backpedal and fix the way RJ spoke about it during S1, they have an opportunity to be more intentional with the way they write it for Armand.

(*I do want to add that S1E5 being bookended by blood drinking was a hint that Lestat drinking from Louis during their fight was also rape, contrasted by the way Louis drinks from Armand in the beginning as ~ lovemaking ~; imo that could've been a more tasteful way to handle it in this universe specifically, when that’s the sex analog in the books. So like, yes in some ways Louis was raped by Lestat in this episode, but that also shows we respect Louis enough to have it symbolic vs Claudia’s being literal.)

But I just have a real bad feeling, the way they made Lestat WAY WORSE I just imagine they’ll do the same to Marius. And it’s sort of ironic that the show in a lot of ways exists in conversation with the book canon, like, the racial commentary feels at times like a commentary on the books’ racism, and I wonder what the decision making process was when they were picking which themes to correct, or comment on. Because a LOT of people criticize themes of rape and abuse in VC, and in some ways the show making it more overt feels like they’re putting a huge spotlight on it to acknowledge it properly, and in other ways, having Claudia raped feels like it’s going down the same path of insensitive, shallow writing.

And also, idk where I’m supposed to tuck this thought lol, but as an addendum I can’t not mention that I think it’s really fucked up that they’ve talked nonstop about how much they respect AR and the canon and yet had the analog character of her daughter raped. Like, in S1 they burn the tapes, in S2 they mock the plotlines as being a soap opera, and they have her daughter raped. Like, Claudia was the REASON for VC in the first place. IWTV is about Anne Rice grieving her daughter, and it sucks that the best way they could come up with existential cosmic horror for a teen girl vampire was to give her a perma-hymen and have her raped. It’s just gross, I don’t like it lol.

The first quote I saw from RJ when the show got announced, he said something like "IWTV was written by a grieving mother" -- not Anne Rice, best selling author who reinvented the vampire genre, but "a grieving mother." And it's just, idk. Rubs me the wrong way that he can reduce her that way and be this disrespectful for the character based on her daughter. =/

[syoddeye]

🤍 ilysm and your work. i stopped drinking and smoking in 2022 and entered the call of duty fandom in early 2023. i found your blog first after a post about Barry sloane’s sobriety then read all your writing. For The Record is a comfort read and i love how “normal” alcoholism is written. not that it’s normal or should be normalized but how high functioning and normal you can look and still struggle. nobody noticed i was in trouble and i did it all on my own incl rehab. i know this is a personal question and I don’t want to ask too much but would you ever write a sequel? 🤍

hello friend! hope you don't mind i held onto this for a few days.

wall of text about alcohol, sobriety, and ftr below. this has been whirling around my noggin.

first, thank you so much for reading. i appreciate it. ftr is a beast and the rest of my works are chaotic as hell.

second, congrats on two-ish (almost three?) years of sobriety! that's no small feat. please know this internet stranger is proud of you.

third, yeah...depictions of addiction are tough to write. i tried to write animal as someone who is imperfect and vulnerable, but also has her shit together just enough to carry on and not unsettle/worry the people closest to her. until she meets john.

minor spoilers //

my experiences differ from animal's. i started drinking young, but did not face serious consequences like she did. while we both learned to hide our drinking and act 'normal,' i had people who actively intervened. animal struggled for years until we met in ftr. and while her friends love and support her, they are more permissive and enabling at times.

animal is a high-functioning-ish alcoholic. she has a job, a house, community, and a boyfriend (who sucks but that's not the point). on paper, she is fine.

but i considered blowing her life up before everything that happens with the 141. i thought about breaking up the band or her and jason up earlier. either would've sent her on a bender with drastic, fucked up consequences. (ask me how i know) //

ultimately, i chose a more """dignified""" route, because there's plenty of media that already depicts addicts as worthless/unlovable/irredeemable. that's not the story i wanted to tell, nor will it ever be.

that said—i don't have it in me to police how other addicts write, because our experiences vary so greatly (that's not even getting into the intersections of addiction, either, that's a whole book series) and i hesitate to say who can/can't write addicts (that's also another conversation).

this was a tangent and probably not what you wanted to read, but your ask came at an opportune time. i've been thinking a lot about ftr and my own milestones.

as for a sequel - i don't think so. i have extensively imagined where both endings would continue, but i'm exploring other things right now.

[kenjiyabuki]

so here are some thoughts about DMD Friendship the Reality while we are nearing the end

yeah yeah its not that deep but actually no one caring/talking about a show makes me want to write a LONG ASS POST bc i cant get gratification from going through the tags and reading opinions lmaoooooo so HERE damn okkk i will make the content i want to see in the world i guess dont mind me......😞

im not even the biggest Domundi fan but i was intrigued by the premise of this show. i mean it's a basically fake dating show (like one of their challenge rewards was getting to sleep in a suite together as if they are there to date for real) and the end prize isnt just an acting opportunity as it comes w the big decision of choosing a looooooong time acting partner. so i wanted to see how they would do it. BOC did a similar thing w The Hidden Character which i dropped halfway in bc it was too long and i found the challenges to be irrelevant to the ending goal. this show is the opposite of that and thats why ive been enjoying it.

it is edited to be concise (only 5 eps) and honestly, is quite tranquil. all the challenges were about things they will be required to do in the future as DMD actors/idols and stakes aren't even that high. You could always guess who would win before they even started (((like of course broody model guys won the photoshoot challenge and guy w two series under his belt won the acting one, DUH))) but it was still enjoyable to watch. show's goal isn't to generate tension and competitiveness. it is more of a workshop/chemistry building camp and also a way to introduce the new generation and get the fans warm up/attached to them.

as i spent time in bl fandom sphere, i've come to realize introducing a new gen is tricky. i thought everyone would be ecstatic to see new blood and a lil bit of mix and match but BL fans are reaaaaaaaaaaally attached to their faves and generally see newcomers as threats who will take opportunities from their already neglected (!) precious babies (e.g. just couple weeks ago FortPeat fans were protesting the new lesbian side couple in the upcoming show for stealing screen time from their faves, which is a joke in itself). this kind of show is genius way to get people to warm up to idea of new faces. at the end of the the day, these fans' weakness is two beautiful boys indulging in sweet moments they can be delulu over and considering how ships were already born from the first episode, DMD FTR succeeded in their goal.

LETS TALK ABOUT THE BOYS :-) *this starts playing*

I had to make this during first ep bc they are all dark haired boys w similar builds so I kept confusing them lmaoooooo (Tle not pictured as he joined later)

i will firstly talk about the fan favorite possible "couples";

KengNamping, the quiet visual couple and yes I love em!!!! they were kinda the only "conflict" in this very conflict free competition.

is Keng the CALMEST person I've ever seen? Latte is laid back too but Keng is just seems zen. sometimes (in the face of conflict) he just seemed hard to read but mostly he has such a calming presence. honestly, he should open an ASMR channel if this acting gig doesn't work out.

Namping also comes off very warm and graceful. him being "wow I'm finally in the winner suite" to Keng after finally getting chosen in ep4 made me laugh like DAMN he really was offended by what happened in ep1 and kept letting it slip. Idc, you are so right my prince and don't ever let Keng forget what he did to you...

when it comes to the possibility of them as a couple: i am kinda here for it while also not knowing if i actually believe in their "moments" in the show? Namping definitely set his sights on him from the beginning but Keng seemed nonchalant about it. Keng finally choosing Namping after his win, their sweet moment on the bed etc. seemed to me like classic reality show moment prompted by production to fit a certain narrative WHILE ThomasKong's pseudo-date-night chats seemed very real and spontaneous.

they do visually have chemistry, i'm not gonna act like i wasn't blushing when Keng trying to flirt during dinner or Namping softly touching a sleepy Keng's chin in the bed etc. Or even in ep2, when Namping tries to confront Keng about his pick but they are too timid and just unable to talk about it openly!!! arrghhh it's a hard to watch moment but still, made them more intriguing because they had such a tension between them. it would be a shame if it wasn't explored more. that tension can be channeled into an angsty series, just saying...

So, they def have a long way to go in their bond and arent comfortable like LatteFirst or ThomasKong but still, they are a strong contender and I would be glad to see them as a couple in a show. Namping already got my attention in the acting challenge and wonders can be achieved w a lil bit of workshop. they got the juice already!!!

Now, lets talk about ThomasKong.............

me watching Thomas relentlessly chatting Kong up since THE FIRST EPISODE

so I knew LatteFirst are set be a side couple in upcoming Love Upon a Time but i was confused to see why everyone on Twitter was already going cuckoo over these two random boys until i saw them interacting... Wow, like Thomas really came here w one mission: get Kong and leave.

because Thomas is such a flirt like DAMNNN😳😳😳😳he needs to be jailed for carrying lethal amounts of charm... IT MUST BE SAID: I love his fits w those thin glasses, he should've been wearing those in those office BLs he was in because he has been serving "office siren". Tiktok girlies eat your heart out.

while Kong isn't the best at acting or singing (he is the best KengNamping shipper tho and i LOVE a fudanshi BL actor), he definitely would win Mr. Congeniality if they were giving that title. he naturally and effortlessly has great on screen charisma. he is a certified cutie and the only one who can get real full belly laughs from Thomas!!!

i think what they managed in the acting challenge is the testament to their palpable chemistry. acting wise they weren't perfect (naturally, their uneven acting experience levels were apparent) but they were the only one who managed to tonal shift in their scenes. it's because they were the only ones who played into the romantic subtext of the scene. they also held eye contact for the longest (because they are comfortable w each other and not shy!!!), which elevated their chemistry and made me AND the judges giggle and roll our hair and kick our feet and shit!!!!!!!!!!!!

they are obviously the most likely to win the show and they deserve it too. no matter the result of the show, i want see them carrying a series as mains because they can and should. i also believe DMD won't fumble their bag, so i am not worried about it.

to conclude, I will quote Zee,

then we come to LatteFirst, the kinda established couple: in the ep5 preview, we see First trying to choose between Latte and the newcomer Tle, which seemed random to me and could be a production touch to create conflict in this very smooth sailing show.

i loved seeing Latte being nonchalant about the possibility of First choosing someone else, what a laid back guy. like Mio in THC, every BL reality show needs a half asleep and occasionally funny dude.

now i am thinking; what if First chose Tle, would he also replace Latte in LUAT bc DMD doesn't really fuck w mixing matching their couples. i honestly don't know where did all that come from but i feel like the result wont be too shocking, First and Latte are already really close and comfortable and got The Chemistry. need i remind of Latte punching the air a la Judd Nelson at the end of The Breakfast Club when it was announced they both chose each other for the dinner date? and their sweet and comfortable banter on that said date??? let's put our pens to work and write a friends to lovers rom-com for the boys based on that material please...

i dont think they are likely to win but might be strong contender. i just want to see them as a side couple in LUAT (hopefully this year!!!!) so they can develop themselves and their bond a little bit more before getting to a main couple level. their sweet friendship shouldn't go to waste!!! (is it obvious i am more drawn to BL couples who are besties in real life?)

damn this post is about to be a novella so i will make it short about Gems, TeeTee and Tle, i hope Gems won't be too upset about getting slighted again 😥 like i said, stakes aren't high on this show and results are always obvious: these guys are going back home empty handed, we all know it. they are all charismatic and VERYYY talented but i just felt like none of them really focused on "getting a partner" part of the show, not just the main challenges. even TeeTee who was picked by Thomas and Keng seemed kinda uninterested about partnering up. but you cant really force chemistry and i am sure they will get many more opportunities in the future. they already started their fanbase!!! i cant stand to see Gems so upset, i hope he wont be too sad.

these are my opinions. maybe the ending will do a whole 180 and idk, GemsKeng or TleKong or some other random couple will win, who knows???? cant wait to watch the new overly airbrush filtered, Cheewin directed DMD show up to like 5 episodes and then get bored and drop it and follow the rest from gifs!!! good luck to the boys <3

[loadednachosao3]

Incredible😲

So how long has it been since you first started writing? Have you maintained this high rate of output?

it has been just abouuuuut... 19 years! wow, typing that out makes me want to puke... nearly 2 decades of sitting at my silly little computer writing my silly little fanned fiction (and some occasional original works)

ftr I don't want to puke bc I don't like writing fanfic/because I think it's bad or cringe, but because I am turning 29 in a few weeks and I can feel myself becoming A True Adult finally. sickening

I have absolutely not maintained this level of consistent writing at all! lmao, the closest I got was writing 80+ fics (+1 fangame) for my last fandom over the span of 4 years. so, with 28 fics (+1 fangame) in 9 months for BCS so far, that's... hm. well that's Quite A Lot I'd say, someone else can math the math for me on how fast I'm going to beat my record if I keep this one up

more fun math: that old account has a word count of half a million words across those 80+ fics. and as I said, I have written nearly that much for BCS already. god help me why have these cartel witches cursed my DICK

[girlfriendline]

15 People 15 Questions

ty for the tag @babygirlboberrey 💛

1. are you named after anyone?

no, but i was very almost named after perdita from in 101 dalmations until my dad stepped in and said absolutely not to the pregnancy hormones. ftr my mother maintains to this day it wouldn't have been a bad name. can you imagine. perdy.

2. when was the last time you cried?

within the last week for sure. it's just such a wonderful time of the year.

3. do you have kids?

nope, and that's never going to change. i neither want kids, nor would be a good mother, and i have a hard enough time looking after myself lmao.

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

i used to competitively swim through high school (although not in the way i think that equates to in the us), and i played football (soccer) on and off. the big one was show jumping, i made it all the way up to competing internationally for gbr. i used to wake up and ride at 5am before school and then again after school which, looking back, was quite frankly insane. i took being the weird horse girl Very Seriously.

5. do you use sarcasm?

more than other people probably appreciate.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

i've honestly never considered this before this question but i think maybe clothes??? or colours of clothes? i'm not sure why either, i never remember them.

7. what’s your eye color?

blue ish

8. scary movies or happy endings?

if i'm alone, happy endings. if i'm with a bunch of people, scary movies. i'm a baby. i need emotional support.

9. any talents?

i'm very good at horses. i've never lost anything when i've been drunk. i can type much faster than i should physically be able to considering i use three fingers total. i can water ski (fairly useless tbh). i'm also very good at bringing animals home from the streets (my family would argue this is not a talent but a curse). i can sing, sort of.

10. where were you born?

uk

11. what are your hobbies?

watching hockey. suffering through f1. reading. running. hiking. swimming. playing guitar (badly). apparently lately building my own furniture. rewatching the same three tv shows over and over again. making gifs when the divine inspiration strikes. playing sims. baking.

12. do you have any pets?

four cats: a grumpy ginger and white old aged pensioner called spike (actually. maybe this is just claude giroux in cat form); loulou, who looks way too posh to have come from the streets; mishka, the love of my life my sweet angel baby darling who never does any wrong; and pasha, demon void cat who followed me home 3 months before i moved countries (and wasn't that a headache and a half) and who's probably going to send someone (me) to an early grave.

two dogs: indy, looks exactly like a fox, found her in the desert outside the rescue centre and they refused to take her in. she's my little mountain dog. and alfie, who we rescued 6 months ago, and who is best described as 'imagine there's a velociraptor in your home but the velociraptor is on fire and also your home is on fire and also you are on fire and also'. he's majority german shorthaired pointer. iykyk.

13. how tall are you?

between 5'8 and 5'9

14. favorite subject in school?

i used to love maths because it required a lot less brain power and subjective answers than everything else. in uni, my forensic science classes, or the only enjoyable thing from my first time round at uni, some fake ass course to build up credits called 'the universe as an art' which consisted of going outside to look at the stars and writing a poem about the moon.

15. dream job.

training horses. which sort of was my job that i had to give up when i moved here :)

i think a lot of people have already been tagged but @yabagofmilfs @amandaleveille @girldewar @tblueger @masonshaws @babygirlspurgeon

[llycaons]

ftr this is my current list of books I started and plan to finish

the adventures of anima al-sirafi (fun, and I enjoyed city of brass too despite some juvenile writing choices)

ancillary justice (👀)

annihilation (BIO SCIFI!!! the writing is so beautiful)

entangled life (fungi 🥰)

go tell it on the mountain (just gorgeous and so powerful)

kitchen (I learned about this one from a FANFICTION don't look at me. it's good)

mask of mirrors (one of the few ya-esque action novels I still enjoy. the social politics and con artistry and action is pretty fun)

mistborn (I've wanted to read brando sando forever. his ending of wot may have been a bit off-key but he's undeniably a giant in the high fantasy world)

see what you made me do (really insightful!)

snow crash (honestly this one is a bit racist, or at least tone-deaf, but the plot is really interesting and it's wild to see a view of the future from the 90s that's fairly accurate in a lot of ways)

books I have yet to start

babel

beloved

the bluest eye

the buried giant

dead collections

the fire next time

gathering moss

a gentleman in moscow

giovanni's room

the goblin emperor

horse

I'm glad my mom died

land of milk and honey

lolita

a memory called empire

monarchs of the sea (octopus book)

my year of rest and relaxation (I've heard mixed reviews but like. why not)

other minds (other octopus book)

our share of night

pachinko

the parted earth

the tiger's wife

the translator's invisibility

uprooted and spinning silver (tbh I don't remember why people hate naomi novak and these look kind of neat)

the water dancer

the woman in me

year of wonders

books I tried but couldn't get into

fourth wing (looked a bit silly from the outset but the writing was SO juvenile I was like no by the first page)

jasmine throne (the opening scene just was not engaging imo)

jonathan strange and mr. norrell (weirdly boring and the austen pastiche fells a little flat)

way of kings (brando sando got so classic he went full predictable chosen-one beginning and it was really boring)

kindle keeps reccomending me paperback thrillers and romances, which are among my least favorite genres. I can see why people like doing this one goodreads or storygraph but I don't know anyone on there so this is better bc I can actually discuss with people I know. man I hope I keep up this momentum to actually finish half of these bc this is a lot 😭 I have so much catching up to do

[neallo]

ftr i don't think it's necessarily OOC to write mello as sadistic in a sexual sense, though i don't really see him that way (this may sound contradictory to some things i have written but in order to explain myself i would have to get into a whole thing about mello being motivated by power, and consensually inflicting pain being a significant power high for him, and we don't have time for that today!!!). what i mean is rather that there's not a lot of support in the text itself for him taking general pleasure in causing others pain (i'm not counting the time he pulled some kid's hair at wammy's, lmao). he uses violence as a means of accomplishing his goals; the violence itself doesn't seem to be a motivator for him in any meaningful way, at least so far as we see in the manga.

[britishpubs]

Dynasty predictions:

Hook / Jericho (if this feud continues for 6 months I will write a strongly worded Internet comment)

The Acclaimed / Bullet Club Gold (see above)

House of Black / Copeland, Kingston, & Briscoe (I'm hoping to see HOB build up some momentum in the coming months, I'm a fan of theirs.)

Hart / Nightingale (I think this match will be fun! Willow is an excellent big woman and I like Hart's bumping. Exited to see Willow win a belt!)

Storm / Rosa (I've really enjoyed the build for this, but Storms matches under the timeless gimmick haven't been for me, and Rosa seems to have lost a step since her back injury. Still, excited to see how this shakes out!)

Strong / O'Reilly (I've been disappointed with this build, very much feels like it's relying on you knowing their NXT history. I'm shure they'll tear the house down though"

Okada / PAC (VERY interested to see how Okada works this match. He's not working a 30+ minute epic main event, he's doing a 15-20 minute midcard match.)

Danielson / Ospreay (I'm interested in how these styles will clash- will Bryan let Will work his high-flying, intense style, or do something more mat focused? My confusion over whether or not I like Will's in ring work is never ending, but Bryan is in my all time top 5, and I'm shure they'll make magic.)

FTR / Young Bucks (I'm somewhat disappointed that this is a ladder match, and I don't think I could tell you why. I'm just not that interested in seeing FTR work a ladder match I gess? Still, this will probably be spotty fun.)

Joe / Swerve (It's Swerves time. Only thing that could deter me from thinking he's winning is a Hangman return.)

[distortedwhite]

welcome to hell—i mean... yeah.

hi i'm leaf, also known as may (～￣▽￣)～

my main fandom is enstars but you'll find a Whoooooole lot of other fandoms here as well. contrary to this pinned, this blog has no theme whatsoever ♪

artist credits

nero/faust: alle shu/chiaki (light colored): remi shu/chiaki (full colored): chrona

ao3 || writing blog || bluesky

ftr i ship A Lot of things but i also don't use the word "shipping" like most people do LOL when i say ship i don't mean it in a exclusively romantic sense. it's more of a "i like to see their dynamic and i want MORE."

so yeah if you slide one of your (rare) pairs into my inbox there's a high chance i Will write it :3 my works thread the line between romantic and platonic though, so do beware of that <3

dni

i mean you can still interact—do whatever you want, but if you fit in the list below there is a high chance i will block you

◆ you think proshipper = pedo/problematic shipper ◆ you think harassment over fictional content/preferences is okay ◆ you think pronouns = gender ◆ you think hating on people's identities is okay (including but not limited to: mspec lesbians, bi/pan lesbians, ect.) ◆ you think aspecs don't belong to the LGBTQ+ community

if we're talking to each other, please do let me know if i say something that makes you uncomfortable!

personal tag list

#ran talks nonsense - i'm rambling about random stuff—no discourse or controversy in here #leaf introspection - i have ~deep~ thoughts (for my standards). occasionally features controversy! #may leaf rant/#may leaf vent - ranting/venting corner, may contain discourse or controversy

#ran plays - me playing video games, mostly mobage. also has more specific tags, the more recent ones being #ran plays enstars and #ran plays techuni #ran writes - my writing, sometimes coming from my sideblog, sometimes from here #asks??? owo? - i get asks... what even :0 #inSomnia may - i love dreamcatcher. dreamcatcher posts here

#reblog - the stuff i reblog from other people

please block my tags as you see fit!

[tenshiotaku]

I like CM Punk because

I know it's a controversial topic right now (2022), but I really like CM Punk. CM Punk almost got me to give AEW a third chance.

I'll still track down his good segments online, but I've only successfully finished Dynamite three times. This show has been going for three years at this point.

Then the worst kept secret in wrestling, CM Punk signed with AEW, and was advertised to debut at their first Rampage taping. You'd better believe I tracked that down. Although his first promo was just like every other WWE-defector promo, "WWE bad", it was exciting to see him in a wrestling ring again.

I made sure I watched his first match back, Darby Allin was pretty good, but Punk was better. The Electric Chair into that first GTS since 2014 was incredible.

I fell out again with AEW as the rest of the show was usually a boring Trainwreck, but I always kept up with Punk. Always good, always consistent, that MJF feud was magical.

He had that awkward promo with Cowboy, an awkward match with Cowboy, and won the title. I told myself I needed to watch the next Dynamite. Then he announced an injury, disappeared, and my interest in what should be exactly my niche disappeared with him.

He finally returns, I watch a weird promo on Cowboy again, then he talks about a guy he's beaten plenty of times by now, Dean Moxley.

That match in Chicago I was very excited for. CM Punk in Chicago, for the same gold and leather.

Then Brawl Out happened.

This is why I'm writing this.

I asked in a group I'm in on Facebook, "why is everyone mad at the guy who had three people break into his locker room?"

The response: "He threw the first punch."

I saw it then.

I've been on a long journey of self discovery and make a lot of effort to help the little guy when I can. I was subjected to horrific bullying at high school, I genuinely feel that teachers shouldn't encourage bullying but they did, and every time I spoke up, I was ignored.

So, I would attempt to resolve the situation myself. I often found myself throwing the first punch.

Everyone involved in the Brawl Out was suspended, and it wasn't just Punk, the Bucks and Tyson, it was seven or eight people.

The story has warped and changed since then, CM Punk has stayed silent on the topic while Tyson and the Bucks have tried to spread stories ranging from Punk being mean in the locker room to being the second coming of Hitler. Conveniently, everyone who had anything good to say about Punk disappeared from regular TV. Dax Harwood came to bat for Punk, FTR were soundly removed from most TV, despite being the most popular team in the company.

I relate to that.

I remember stories about my frustration spinning wildly out of control through the school yard, I would be painted as a monster. I remember it all quite vividly.

Thing is, CM Punk speaking his mind is frustrating. He's pointing out problems a lot of the time which people don't like. He did it in WWE, my sister is still mad about that Triple H promo, and he did it here with the guy who said he wouldn't hire 80% of the assembled talent and his tag team friends.

I can relate to this. Whether it's sticking up for the people management don't want anyone sticking up for, or pointing out when management are protecting toxic staff. I've been where CM Punk is.

[blankticket]

2, 7, 20

How did you get into this franchise/fandom?

i'd actually been avoiding anything trigun for years, since like high school lol. this is gonna get a little personal (i don't mind sharing, ftr! but i don't wanna hurt anyone just having this all Out Here on your dash) so here's a readmore for discretion:

story goes, high school me had taken one of those MBTI tests and looked at the list of fictional character comparisons and was like

"oh shit! omg who's this guy he seems really cool and awesome, also?!" then did a little reading on it by a fan who was essentially like,

"he's happy-go-lucky and some of that is genuine, but it's also used as a front to hide how haunted he is so that his friends don't worry about him. also he has a ton of survivor's guilt he's carried around ever since he was little—and no small part of that is due to his twin brother."

"oh. lmfao. wait wait wait, okay all of that is way too close to home and that scares me so im going to stay away from this forever (video clip representation of me at the time)".

skip forward about a little over a decade later, all the way to just last december; i'm writing in a crocus thread with roo (maxvash!!!) as a different character, and i'm like. Huh. y'know, i'm actually at a spot where i can handle getting into trigun. and Then see that they reblogged the post about trigun overhaul!

so really—the actual lynchpin to get into trigun here was roo's real impressive depiction of maximum vash, which sparked my totally-forgotten intrigue. read through maximum within 3 days (like, literally mid-thread), then a couple weeks later, stampede started airing! real cosmic line-up of events.

What’s the best thing about the canon you are writing?

interpreting "canon" here as "isola radiale", and specifically its world, i think the best part of it is the settings within spirale. i've enjoyed seeing this map grow and change over the years, even if i've been in and out of the group. the little blurbs for areas are enough to fuel creativity while not putting too tight of a leash as to what can transpire in these places.

environment is key to the way these character interactions work, and i feel there's no shortage to variety or overutilization to be done with the settings available

If you could sum up your character with one sentence, what would it be?

joke answer: "dead man walking anthropomorphism of 'Why Can't We Be Friends'". the ska cover version by smash mouth obviously

otherwise: "A pacifist gunslinger who can't escape trouble, whether of his own making or otherwise."

[syoddeye]

I finally set aside time to read For the Record and right now, it is almost 11:00pm, and I am sobbing my eyes out in the living room trying to not wake up my roommate. I read it in two chunks. The first at work and then the second after dinner.

Throughout reading, I put on some of the song titles to listen to while reading specific chapters. I put on Scott Street at the end and that is what got me. I read it once without the music and was okay, sad but not crying, then I read it again with the song and here I am.

I love multiple endings and this may be the first case where I prefer the sad one. Thank you for writing. I cannot wait to read the rest of your collection.

hi friend, you have no idea how wonderful it was to find this message. i've been thinking about ftr and how i'd rewrite/tweak it if i could, so to hear that people still read it and still like it is incredible.

reading with music is an ideal! i'm glad it had the intended impact.

asjaglkjdgsf let me just ride this high for the rest of my day.

thanks for popping in!

[2dkapsddr]

May 16th, 2024 - Arcaea, DJMAX

ough... head still hurty really badly from that PIU sesh, but i still need to close out those last few steps on the arcaea map and get my money's worth... which i did successfully!!! (also got this really good score on Protoflicker FTR-9+ in the process! really wanna PM or even just FR it, but i'm not sure if i'm capable...)

that's besides the point, though. in actuality, this post is going to be largely dedicated to the biggest and coolest and bestest update for a game ever... DJMAX's all new 2.0 content update!!! yeahjhhhh!!!!!!! i installed it last night while writing my last post but couldn't stay up to play through it, so once i woke up i got STRAIGHT to the grind!!! (and i even bought V Extension V to play the masterpiece that is Carrot Carrot!!!)

didn't do enough solo grinding IMO, but i got a lot of Ladder Match scores (including Vertical Eclipse 5BHD 12* MAX COMBO and Trainee IV status in the button mode, a sightread MAX COMBO on Your Smile 6BSC 4*, and a Hard Judge MAX COMBO on CODE NAME : ZERO 6BMX 13*!!!!)

and ultimately, i ended the brief session today on a high note by achieving... PLATINUM STATUS!!! SUPER EARLY ON!!! i'll keep working hard beyond this too!!!

[sunflowerliker]

baseball slides in and hits my face into a wall

💫 - how has your character developed in a way you didnt expect?

🌠 - do you plan on revealing any NPCs from your characters backstory?

💫 - how has your character developed in a way you didnt expect?

tbh i went into writing bryony without a LOT of plans or concrete characterization so a lot of things ended up as unexpected developments just in that i didn't know what i was doing until i was doing it. the big one though is CAN'T SAY I WAS EXPECTING TEAM WINTER'S WILD RIDE. bryony was 100% intended to be a slice-of-life exclusive li'l town npc-quality character and now she's got, like, all this plot shit she's been doing lmao—admittedly a lot of it behind the scenes tho. sometimes you accidentally adopt an ecoterrorist. ftr i don't especially want to involve myself in other high stakes or big overarching plot shit besides that particular arc tho even once it wraps up but BOY EVEN THOUGH I'M HAVING A LOT OF FUN I WASN'T EXPECTING THAT TO BE A THING

🌠 - do you plan on revealing any NPCs from your characters backstory?

an anon also asked this one!! you got beat to it sorry anon lmao

information about bryony's sister has been kind of coming out piecemeal but i don't know what it'll take for bryony to actually talk openly about that whole deal tbh. either way juniper is 0% ever going to get a blog or otherwise reenter bryony's life, but her presence (and absence) is a big part of it regardless

other than that i think relatively soon-ish she'll have an excuse to blog about her parents a li'l. i've got various very minor characters (mostly, like, little old ladies in her neighborhood and from her synagogue and other vendors at the market) in my back pocket in case i ever need a dude too but no solid plans to do anything with them

[canonicallyanxious]

This is going to be a bit extra sorry in advance

Recent faves:

Skim by Mariko Tamaki & Jillian Tamaki - YA graphic novel with haunting art and poignant reflections on struggling with mental health and sexuality in your teenage years; read over the weekend, immediately wanted to do a reread!

Love in the Big City by Sang Young Park (tr. Anton Hur) - irreverently funny but deeply heartfelt, focuses on a gay man's coming of age and his relationships in his adult life in Seoul, Korea

Post-Colonial Love Poem by Natalie Diaz - gorgeously heartwrenching poetry collection, not a single miss in this one imo

Other underrated faves:

The Thirty Names of Night by Zeyn Joukhadar - my favorite read of last year, beautiful writing and themes on queer/trans generational solidarity, immigrant identity, and grief that resonate powerfully

Butter Honey Pig Bread by Francesca Ekwuyasi - focuses on a mother and her twin daughters, absolutely nails the multi-pov and complicated but loving family dynamics

The Raven Tower by Ann Leckie - high fantasy queer retelling (loose, ftr) of Hamlet with transmasc Horatio and powerful old gods. Need I say more. (I recommend literally everything by Ann Leckie but I think her imperial radch trilogy is more known and I need more people to appreciate this absolute gem of a book. While I'm here tho ancillary justice is quintessential sci fi reading I do not make the rules)

hi buds! can y'all reblog this with your favorite lgbtq+ books in the tags? whether it's focused on the queer experience or just features a queer protagonist etc. i'm looking for more diverse recommendations than usual which is a little hard when most lists online just recommend the same books over and over fjaklsfdj thank you!!