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spumonibones · 1 month ago

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Earlier this year, I attempted *twice* to do a XiaoVen fic for the maid day. Probably won't continue this one, couldn't figure out where to go with it or how to end it...

But honestly I just really wanted a fic that involved Itto and Xiao's friendship. Might post the silly concept a friend and I brainstormed for a XiaoVen but featuring buddy-cop style Xiao and Itto friendship.

Anyway. If nothing else, hope it makes someone laugh.

PAIRING: Xiao/Venti; mentions of Yan Fei/Kuki Shinobu

WARNINGS: Swearing; innuendo; implied spicy thoughts but no deets

SETTING: Modern AU, apparently in a world of which healthcode violations do not include an employee blowing on a client's food and getting their nasty germs all over your food who does that??

***

“Welcome, Masters!” A pair of cheerful voices greeted as the door’s bell jingled behind the pair. A mismatched pair, one towering over the other while dressed as though he were a professional biker. He was not. Arataki “the One and Oni,” Itto refused to admit it, but he hadn’t mastered the art of balancing on two wheels. His closest companions suggested three-wheeled versions, but the end result was just Itto whining about how, “uncool it looked.” Standing next to him, barely reaching the lowest point of the giant man’s sternum, was someone trying his best to slip out from behind him to exit. Xiao tended to dress in a more casual streetwear, to better blend into the background. An effort made impossible next to his much taller, much flashier friend. A friendship that Xiao had only learned he had with the other man about an hour ago, when Itto showed up at the library and dragged him off going on about a maid cafe.

“C’mon Compadre! I can’t go it alone!” Itto had babbled on, dragging Xiao along who was trying to keep his books from falling out of his bag along the way. The two were going down the street by the time he had it zipped shut, thrown over his shoulder and wondering how he was going to escape. He had never been to a maid cafe, never a desire to go to a maid cafe, didn’t even know going to a maid cafe was even an option. The place must have just opened, because something like that wasn’t commonplace. Or he assumed. Again, Xiao was still reeling from the fact such a thing even existed.

“One table for two cool guys.” Itto requested, a hand landing on Xiao’s shoulder and pulling him back around before the shorter man could escape. This was the problem with being within the vicinity of Itto. The man was a walking Deus Ex Machina. The trouble he got into should have been impossible, getting out of that trouble even more impossible, yet each time the improbable happened it was just another day for Itto. The only reason Xiao knew, was because one of his study partners was Yan Fei, of whom was dating Kuki, of whom was Itto’s… Handler? Xiao wasn’t clear on the nature of their connection, only that Kuki had wild stories that Yan Fei would share more out of shock than gossip.

“Right this way!” One of the maids instructed, leading the two from the host counter towards one of the tables. The space was relatively open, and there was maybe a handful of other customers. There was a small stage that was cleared, and Xiao assumed that perhaps live bands got invited, or there were karaoke nights. This was located within walkable distance to a college campus, and there were ample bands looking to book gigs. As the two were seated, the maid gave a graceful curtsy. “Your maid for today will be-”

“Kuki?” Itto asked hopefully, eyes practically sparkling as he stared at the maid.

“...Venti.” The host finished for him, arching one brow at his request. Adjusting her vest, she gave them a nod before walking away to return to her station. Discovering it wasn't going to be his friend (handler?), Itto flopped his upper body onto the table, hands dangling off the side and lightly smacking Xiao’s arm.

“So Miss Shinobu works here.” Xiao commented, nodding his head in sudden understanding. “If you just wanted to visit your friend, you didn’t need me to come with.” He pointed out, already setting his bag down to begin trying to resume where he left off. If he wasn’t allowed to study in the library, he was going to study here at least.

“That’s not it!” Itto hissed, lifting up his head with a red imprint on it from how hard he smashed his forehead into the table. “I’m worried about creeps, Little Dude! Kuki’s hot! And smart! And… Uh. Did I say hot already?” His whispers faltered, trying to keep track of his words while relaying his thoughts.

“You did.” Xiao answered.

“Yeah! As her boss, I gotta protect her! Yan Fei had class, but I saw you and was like, ‘No way! That guy knows Kuki’s babe!’ And I figured you’d want to protect her, too! Smart, eh?” Itto asked, grinning broadly. Pushing himself back to sitting normally, he ran his fingers through his hair. “Sometimes I scare myself with my genius, hehe.”

Opening his book, Xiao didn’t bother to respond to that. There were more important things than stepping on someone’s ego. Such as not failing. An effort quickly squashed when Itto pulled it away, his frown somehow louder than his voice. “Little Dude, what. Are. You. Doing?!” He asked in a hiss. “We can’t keep an eye out for Kuki like this!”

Letting out a sigh, Xiao leaned back in his seat with his arms crossed. “If you’re so worried about her, why not apply to work here?” He asked.

“What? No way! I’m a dude! They don’t let dudes work here!” Itto scowled, eyes briefly distracted by the book in his hand. “Why does this have so many numbers? I thought you read books?” The man mumbled, red eyes swirling with confusion. Somehow, Xiao wasn’t shocked to learn Itto wasn’t familiar with statistics.

“I apologize for the wait, Masters and/or Princesses!” A chipper voice greeted, and Xiao had never been so relieved to hear someone so happy. A customer service voice was preferable to dealing with Itto’s… Itto-ing. Turning to face their maid, Xiao was somewhat taken aback. To work in a maid cafe, there had to be some forms of prerequisites. Personality-wise, Xiao went in assuming it was no different than being a server at a restaurant. Pleasant, friendly, or at least skilled in pretending to be. Being a niche sort of establishment, the uniform was probably in line with the theme and typically places of that nature hired attractive people. Shallow as it was, that was the reality.

Attractive as in sexy or pretty or handsome. Something. Not outright cute. Their maid wore the same uniform as the others, except this one had fun accessories all over. Feathers here, little windwheels there. The frilly headpiece even had a white cecilia flower tucked in on the left side, two long pale green leaves sticking out. The black and blue braids that framed the maid’s face had what looked like tiny, turquoise butterfly attached to the ties keeping the plaits from coming undone. As he stared at the maid, gold eyes blinking in surprise with all his words lost, Xiao simply froze.

“Is this your first time coming home? I’ll be happy to help you both get comfortable, but first, may I have your preferred form of address?” The maid asked. On the name tag it read: Venti. Underneath read script: He/Him.

“First time…? Listen,” Itto’s eyes looked from Venti’s face down to the name tag, and then back up at the other. “Listen you weirdly sized coffee,” He continued, and at this the maid sucked in his lips while his eyes lit up with unrestrained delight, “I’ve been home a ton of times! Granny Oni told me I can come home however much I want, and I know my way home from here!”

“I think that’s one of the features.” Xiao offered, recovering his senses solely thanks to Itto’s misunderstanding.

“Helping me go home?” Itto asked, looking away from Venti to now look at Xiao with confusion. From the corner of his eyes, Xiao caught the maid trying to hide his laughter as coughs behind his hand.

“No, that’s not…” Letting out a long sigh, Xiao wondered if the Wii music in Itto’s head was ever quiet enough for the man to hear what else was happening around him.

“I’ll break character for him.” Venti assured Xiao with a wink, of which Xiao ignored the heat that hit his ears as a result. The maid waved his hand in front of Itto, and once he had the tall man’s attention gave a smile. “This is a maid cafe, and part of creating the atmosphere is both us, the ‘maids,’ and you, are pretending. It’s a fun escapism style environment. While in-character, we pretend the cafe is actually your home, and you are either the master or the princess of it. So when I ask,” Venti paused, shifting gears from Normal Person right into his Maid Persona, “Is this your first time coming home? I’ll be happy to help you both get comfortable, but first, may I have your preferred form of address?” And then right back to being a regular person sans the maid outfit, “You tell me if you prefer ‘master’ or ‘princess.’ I have different routines I do that vary based on the personalities of my guests, and you just try to have fun and enjoy. Does that help?”

“I can… Be…” Itto’s eyes widened, hands reaching out and taking Venti’s smaller ones into them. “I can be a princess here?!” He asked, like a little kid that was just told Santa was real and bringing him an actual unicorn.

“Absolutely!” Venti answered with a smile. “I’m glad you’re getting it!” He continued. With that settled, he slid his hands out of Itto’s and clasped them together before turning to Xiao. “And might I have your preferred form of address?”

“It doesn’t really matter…” Xiao muttered, wanting to slide down his seat and hide under the table. Why was their maid cute in and out of character? Venti was definitely one of those extroverts that probably ran around adopting every introvert they met, and Xiao was trying very, very hard to pretend he didn’t want to be included in that.

“Oh?” Venti gave a slight tilt of his head, expression thoughtful. “Ehe, Master it is then!” He decided, smile only getting wider as Xiao’s blush spread from his ears onto his cheeks. “And what a cute Master I have!” Venti added, as if there was anything to be gained by adding fuel to that fire.

“What about me!?” Itto asked, once more trying to lean across the table to get into Venti’s eyesight.

“I’ve never seen a prettier princess!” The compliments left Venti’s lips so smoothly, leaving no room for doubt about the maid’s honesty.

“Hell yeah!” Itto cheered, sliding back into his seat all grins and bursts of sudden cackles. “So, is your nickname supposed to be ironic? Aren’t ventis supposed to be, I don’t know… Tall?” He asked, lifting one muscular arm high enough that it went above the maid’s head even as Itto sat, before lowering to just above the table. “You’re short like Little Dude.”

“Venti is my name, Princess, but you may call me something else if you prefer?” Venti offered, easily handling Itto in a way most people struggled with. Itto wasn’t a bad person, or even as foolish as he acted. The man had a bad habit of acting or speaking without thinking, and just required a certain level of patience. That was what Yan Fei had told him, and thus far Xiao was finding her words to be very true. Although he suspected that Itto was one of those people who didn’t have the education he should entirely because no one took the time to work with him. Everyone learned differently, and it was ceaselessly frustrating how often anyone who didn’t fit a box ended up trailing behind as a result.

“Oh man! You were named after a coffee?!” Itto gasped, hand over his mouth in shock. “You’re perfect for working here!” If Venti wanted, he could have corrected Itto that no, a ‘venti’ was not a type of coffee. Instead the maid maintained that pleasant smile, a soft laugh leaving him at the comment.

“You seem very fixated on coffee, my Princess! Would having a cup please you?” Venti asked.

“YES.” Itto nodded, the face of a man that never had a coffee once in his life and this afternoon did not bode well for anyone else once he got his hands on a cup. “Extra, extra, extra milk, though! Granny Oni says big boys like me need lots of calcium!”

“Happily! I’ll bring an additional glass so you can add as you go.” Venti said, those pretty eyes of blues and greens on Xiao. Right. Xiao was physically there, his escape having been cut off by Itto earlier. This wasn’t just some comedy he happened to stumble upon. Xiao was part of this act, no matter how badly he wished he was just an audience member. “And how might I please Master?” The way the maid said it was so casual and friendly, he might as well have been asking if the weather was pleasant. Perhaps ambiguously suggestive language like that was the culprit behind why Itto was so worried about creeps harassing Kuki.

These were not the thoughts Xiao was having. He would have them much later, once his panic subsided and his face no longer felt like it was on fire. “...M-Menu?” He managed to stammer out, flustered and more embarrassed at how he was taking what was said than the words themselves. Venti was just doing his job. There was no reason to interpret anything said as words with meaning outside of immediate face-value.

“To your left, Master.” Venti informed him, a slight laugh in his voice as he motioned the menus that had been on the table the entire time. “I can also make suggestions if you’re having trouble deciding. I’m pretty good at knowing what my Master,” The maid paused, winking at Itto so he didn’t feel excluded, “and Princess like!”

He isn’t flirting Xiao, keep it together. He isn’t t flirting. Or if he are, it’s because studies show that job roles that receive gratuities receive higher tips when performed by attractive people who flirt, and on went his internal analysis of what might have been going on. “I’ll… I’ll look, thank you.” Xiao muttered, using the menu as a tool to hide behind.

“Please do!” Venti said happily. “Do take your time! Princess, I’ll be right back with your drink and a surprise!” He added, and with a spin left the table to do his job.

“This. Place. Is. Awesome!” Itto cheered. “Hey, do you think Sprite only does maid stuff at fake home? I’ll bet if I can get…” He paused, trying to remember something only to shrug, “Them to clean Granny’s house! She’d be so fucking happy getting the casa back in order!” As he was still recovering from the figurative heart-attack that Venti gave him, Xiao could only shrug as he browsed the options. “Wait. No. No fucking way! Kuki fucking works here! I could ask her if she’ll maid it up at my place!”

Releasing the last bit of shakiness from his chest through an exhale, Xiao finally looked up from his menu at the other. “Aren’t we here to protect her?” He asked.

“...Oh. Shit. You right.” Itto immediately deflated. “Got so caught up in being a princess, I totally forgot. You know, it’s super weird. I haven’t seen her at all.” He added, straightening up and trying to peer around the restaurant for any signs of familiar green hair.

“Is she on shift right now?” Xiao asked absently, settling on teas. But which one…?

“I don’t know. People go to work all the time, right? So she’ll always be here.” Itto replied, those red eyes still scanning around.

“...Except for when she’s off?” Xiao supplied, lowering his menu to scrutinize Itto over its pink, floral top. “You do know she isn’t going to be here just because you’re here… Right?”

“Oh. Aha. Ahaha. Yeah. You’re right. Hah, I totally forgot to think of that! Oops, ehe… I’ll just, uh, text her real quick-like…” Itto’s fumbling words trailed, and he was pulling out his phone to try contacting his friend. Or handler. Maybe it was both? All the while, Xiao stared at him in disbelief. This man, this borderline stranger… Dragged him to this fetish fantasy cafe and away from his studies… To keep an eye on someone that wasn’t even working that day? There was no anger at the situation or the cause of it, only a sense of awe in how masterfully bad this whole evening suddenly went. With a shake of his head, Xiao resumed reviewing the menu. As he read all the details and information, he was getting a better understanding of how it all worked. If he couldn’t study, and they weren’t going to succeed at their original goal then Xiao was going to find a way to make the most of it.

Get something to eat and drink, and then head back to the library. To study. Not to hide from a cute maid that talked about ‘pleasing my master,’ as if that was a normal, natural thing to say. Even with Venti gone, the red on Xiao’s ears remained from the memory alone.

“And here’s my Princess’ coffee with extra, extra, extra milk!” Venti announced, carrying a wooden tray with mint designs on it holding one coffee mug and one fancy glass of milk with whipped cream on top. “Ta-daa!” The maid cheered, placing both drinks in front of Itto’s whose face was paling and paying no mind. “Ohhh, what’s this? A letter for-”

“I gotta go.” Itto whispered, and started to stand up. At that, the friendly smile started to fall from Venti’s face, a flash of worry on his features. “Thanks, sorry, allergic to beans!” The large man continued, trying to shuffle his way out of the seats.

“Princess, is everything all right?” Venti asked, stepping back to allow Itto to go past while one hand tried to decide if it wanted to grab him to keep him there or simply fall limp to the side. “The milk should be safe-”

“Later!” Itto hollered, dashing out of the cafe without once looking back. The jingle of the door’s bell ended softly, despite how roughly the door itself had been treated by Itto. There were other heads in the cafe that had watched his escape, before trailing to look over at Venti and Xiao as if to understand any better than those two what just transpired. There was a long pause, before everything resumed as normal. Except Venti, who was standing there with slumped shoulders and visible disappointment. Regardless of reason, the fact remained that Itto had just ordered and ditched without even paying. To add insult to injury, as he was looking over the menu Xiao caught that there was an entrance fee. Guess I’m footing the bill, he thought with a sigh. Regardless, he reached over to have the coffee and milk on his side of the table. At least now he could study, and statistics would do wonders in distracting him from the more inappropriate thoughts emerging from an otherwise cobweb-ridden recess of his mind.

This was not how Xiao planned on learning something new about himself, but there was nothing for it at this point except to ignore it until he had privacy.

“Right! You’re still here, sorry!” Venti came back to life, tearing his eyes away from the shadow of Itto’s retreating form to focus once more on Xiao. “I can take that away, please order what you want!” There was a lot of reassurance in his voice, almost as if he was trying to soothe Xiao into staying.

“I don’t mind.” Xiao kept his voice even, raising the glass to his lips. Paused, noticing the foam on it had some kind of design, and pulled it away from his mouth. A bit distorted from having been disturbed by movement and touch, there was a lopsided, very unfortunate face of… Maybe a cow? A bull? “Coffee art?” He mused aloud.

“Y-Yes, that’s right Master!” Venti was getting back into maid mode, and there was a reassuring humanity in the way his work mask slipped, even for that brief moment. Putting the tray aside, Venti pressed his fingertips together and wore the maid’s smile as if one of his customers hadn’t just dined and ditched. Actually, not so much dining as just… Ditching. “As my Princess had been gone so long, being a most dutiful maid I thought adding a fun image to my Princess’ coffee would be a nice surprise! But, uhm, again, Master doesn’t have to drink that, if you had your eye on something else?”

“It’s fine. Really.” Xiao assured, and took a sip. Kept his expression impassive, all while he tried to make sense if the taste was closer to watered down coffee or milk seasoned with coffee grounds. Not much of an indicator of the cafe’s skills, given this was exactly what Itto had ordered. Simply an example of how well Venti relayed the client’s request. As he continued to sip on the unfortunate concoction, he eyed what appeared to be a piece of paper left on the tray. Lightly tapped his index finger on the mug. I would be rude to just leave, especially after what Itto did. Venti is just doing his job, and what he did probably didn’t reflect well on him. Coming to a decision to continue playing along, Xiao set his mug down to motion towards the piece of paper. “Before… Prin… Princess left,” Felt the heat on his cheeks again, feeling silly despite knowing this was how the cafe worked. Some of the embarrassment eased when Venti perked up, the smile more genuine in its curve. “You were trying to say something about a letter?”

“...Yes, I was.” Venti’s words were slow and drawn out, visage becoming somewhat sheepish. Collecting the letter, they slid it into their apron before pulling out a different one. “Admittedly, Master I was a bit worried for you… The way you and Princess were acting, you didn’t seem ready to be home yet.” The careful verbiage, and the fact that Venti brought out two letters… The gears shifted in Xiao’s mind, and he immediately understood. Suddenly felt better about the cafe as a whole. There was a built-in method for maids to help any clients out of potentially bad situations. That first letter was apparently set up to help Xiao escape, and the fact Venti caught onto all of his more subtle cues all the more reassuring. Those flirtations were a distraction to subvert suspicion, and to give the maid a chance to really gauge someone.

“Here I thought you were just very forward.” Xiao confessed, a light, almost forced laugh leaving him. Just in case Venti thought he was complaining, and not expressing his amusement.

“If my Master wishes it, I can be.” Venti teased with another wink, but this time Xiao let himself laugh with it and wrangle the feelings it created down. Deep down. So far down he hoped to forget they were even there. Xiao could do this. Could pretend to flirt with a cute maid, and that all of this was just silly make-believe that wasn’t going to return with a vengeance when he fell asleep later. “This is so exciting!” Venti’s voice was slightly higher, almost with a musical intonation. Xiao was starting to recognize that as his ‘in-character,’ voice. The way he would speak as a maid, not as a person. “The letter reads, ‘Dear Master and Princess,’” Pausing, the maid leaned over slightly, “Please pardon the letter’s inability to foresee the future. We maids understand that princesses are wont to flee leaving only a single slipper behind, but I suppose ours didn’t get the memo, hmm?”

Pointing at the seat, an impish glint in those blues and greens, Venti’s finger directed Xiao’s attention to where Itto had been sitting. Leaning his body to the side so he could see under the table, he saw on Itto’s seat a comb had been forgotten. Rolling his eyes while trying to not smile in amusement, he straightened himself to sitting upright once more. Clearing his throat, Venti resumed reading. “‘Your maids are so pleased to have you home once more, the staff has been moved to offer you a special treat. We hope this delicacy eases your weary body from your long travels.’ Aaaand here inside, how fortuitous! Dessert, just for Master!” A coupon that until he finished reading, Venti held with his fingers while keeping the letter aloft. Now that he got to the end, with a flourish presented the coupon for a first visit free dessert.

Accepting the coupon, Xiao’s eyes immediately went to the fine print covering the terms and conditions. Straight forward verbiage, the only exclusions being items of higher price points such as entire cakes. Intending it wholly as a joke, Xiao commented, “Does this include maids feeding it to us?”

“Indeed!” Venti confirmed without missing a beat, clapping his hands together with the letter pressed between with perfect folds. Not receiving the decline he expected, the flush on Xiao’s face only darkened. “My Master spoils me, letting me take care of him!”

“Wait, no, I, that was, I was just…” Xiao stammered, tripping over words as he tried to say too many things all at once. How was that allowed?

“What sweet treat entices my Master? I’ll tell the chefs right away.” Venti promised, tone almost playful. In his seat, Xiao was just grateful that the maid had the courtesy to not tease him further with empty promises of, ‘would my Master like me as a treat?’ Thank the celestial bodies for small miracles that Xiao didn’t have to endure that.

He was pretty sure his heart would stop.

“Sh-shouldn’t I eat lunch first?” Xiao finally managed, wading through too many words that said a lot that needed to stay in his thoughts.

“You haven’t?” Venti inquired, blinking at him in surprise. “All this traveling on an empty stomach, tsk tsk.” Hands unclasped to rest on his hip. “I know just the thing! Wait here!” Without giving their ‘master’ any opportunity to get a word in edgewise, Venti was off like the wind to get Xiao something to eat. The sudden silence was comforting but cold. Letting out a breath, he could at length relax his shoulders. That maid sure had a talent for winding him up, and not in a hype kind of way. Swallowing hard, Xiao blanched at the reminder on his tongue of the too-much milk, too-little coffee. An unpleasant reminder that Itto’s rude actions were the reason that Xiao was now trapped here, trying to contain his suffering at the hands of someone whose job was to apparently flirt with people.

Now that he was distraction-free, for at least the time being, Xiao grunted as he pulled his statistics book back out. Let his focus shift onto what was important. Several classmates complained that statistics were complex, but Xiao found a comfort in them. Having grown up around family that wrote or reviewed contracts for a living, the mechanical nature of textbooks were almost comforting. Or perhaps that was because when he was adopted, his new father only had textbooks on hand to read as bedtime stories. As the calm fell over him, Xiao forgot where he was. Made notes, and tested formulas as needed to get a feel for their use. Absently took sips of his drink, paying the flavor no mind.

Was so completely engrossed in his notes, a sudden, sweet voice in his ear was enough to cause him to jerk away, shoulders rising in tension as he looked around wildly for the source. Leaning in closely was Venti, blinking at him curiously. When neither said anything, Venti waited a beat before deciding to be the one to speak. “Sorry.” The maid offered him an apologetic smile, and then placed his finger on one of the problems Xiao had been working on. “I didn’t mean to startle you. Just thought you’d like to know you skipped this piece, so you never converted the standard deviation for the next bit.”

Gold eyes looked at where Venti was pointing, and realized that he had skipped that line entirely. Overall that was a non-issue, as Xiao always reviewed what he did to check for simple errors. Even so, it was nice to have it caught early on instead of needing to redo all of the work. “Thank you.” Adjusting himself to be comfortable again, Xiao watched Venti with new interest. Being close to the campus, it would make sense that fellow students would get nearby work. Unable to claim to have seen everyone that attended, Xiao also felt a certain confidence he would have noticed someone who looked like Venti by now. “I didn’t know maids help with… Wait.” Brows furrowing, Xiao checked around the table. Where had the bad coffee-milk gone? Or the glass with the very sad, very melted whipped cream gone? Instead there was a glass, half-drank, with a black tea contained. “You changed the drinks?”

“You made faces the second I walked away. I would be a terrible maid if I let my Master keep drinking something he disliked. You’re here to relax.” Venti emphasized the last word, and with a roll of their eyes gave a slight jerk of their head towards the statistics book.

“I’m here because my classmate’s girlfriend has weird friends.” Xiao grumbled, body tensing all over again when he realized what had just slipped out. “Sorry. That was rude of me.”

“That was honest of you.” Venti laughed. “I suspected you weren’t the sort to be here. Initially I was worried you were coerced here, but no. You’re just too polite. Don’t worry, I just wanted you to catch that before it became a hassle.” He spoke in a more soothing voice, and if they could just… Chat like this, it would have been so much nicer. “Nothing for it.” Venti sighed, resting his cheek on one hand, while the other rested across the corset of the costume. “I guess Master doesn’t want to pay any attention to me, after all…”

Ah. They were back to that now. Pulled back into the reality of their interactions, Xiao’s shoulders slumped. This was what it was. “What… Exactly sort of character am I supposed to be playing here?” He asked, feeling at a loss.

“Whatever you want.” Venti’s answer was sufficiently simple and unhelpful, but his smile was kind which eased Xiao. “For so long as you’re here, you are my master, I am your maid, and this is your home. No one here will judge you, so long as your actions stay within the guidelines of this home.”

Was that the real appeal of places like this? The freedom to explore a different side, to experiment with what sort of person someone wanted to be?

“Don’t think too hard on it!” Venti’s laughter cut into Xiao’s contemplation. “I think it’s very sweet of you to stay after what my Princess pulled, but you don’t need to out of obligation. But if you’re determined to stick around, know I’m going to do everything I can as your maid to try and convince you to keep coming back for more.” Words so sweet and generous, yet mildly flirtatious in the end.

“...I’m a bit curious to see what that looks like.” As the admission left his mouth, Xiao’s ears turned red once more. How many relationships had he missed because he couldn’t bring himself to ask? To even get the words out, always locking up and shying away? If this was a safe space to explore, he hoped maybe here he could start learning.

“You’ll see!” Another of Venti’s winks were sent Xiao’s way, and he swiftly retreated. Again. Always flitting about, movements fluid yet always at risk of changing. Venti reminded Xiao of the wind, of the way his heart hammered in his chest every time he climbed to the top of a tree. There was hardly any wait as Venti returned with a plate he carried with a proud smile. With a gentle spin, Venti slid the plate to be in front of Xiao but without disturbing the sheets of paper or textbook. On the plate was omurice, folded neatly with garnishes of white petals all around it. Decorated with ketchup on top was the fattest, most round bird that Xiao had seen. At first he thought it was just a circle with eyes, but the closer he looked he realized the odd designs at its side were just very tiny, disproportionately small wings.

Wordlessly, Xiao took his phone out and snapped a picture of the world’s most circular avian. From the corner of his eye, he noted the way Venti smiled seeing his reaction and managed to not physically melt on top of the table. No one was allowed to be this cute, yet Venti dared to. In public, at that. Satisfied with his photo, Xiao returned the phone to his pocket before he could cave and date ask for one with the maid. The menu mentioned that photo ops were an upcharge, and as much of a temptation as it was this was already unplanned spending enough. As an adult, Xiao couldn’t just cave to base desires that consisted solely of, maid very cute on repeat.

This was as good time as any for him to take a break, so he bookmarked the page he was on for his textbook. Collected his notes, straightened them, and set them aside to have the space to eat without worrying over his work. “Perfect!” Venti’s pleased voice cut in, and suddenly there was a spoon with omurice being offered in front of Xiao’s face. Gold eyes looked to the bite presented to him, to the utensil it was on, to the gloved hand holding it, up the arm that he noticed a blue tattoo peeking from beneath a sleeve on, to the happy face of ‘his maid.’ “Say, ‘ah,’ Master!” Venti said, casual as could be as he offered to feed Xiao.

Xiao’s brain short-circuited, fingers clutching at the sides of his chair while a flurry of different potential reactions raced through. “Dessert?” Was the sole victor, but the rest of the sentence that was supposed to have joined it was lost in the race to what left the man’s mouth.

“You asked to have lunch first.” Venti reminded him with a laugh. “Are you a messy eater? Fret not Master, your maid is here to assist!” They continued, amusement in their eyes and words. A second hand took on a cupped shape to rest beneath Xiao’s chin, ready to catch any food debris with gloved fingers. At this rate, Xiao was confident he wasn’t going to survive this experience. At least his last will and testament had already been written out, that wasn’t something his father would need to worry about. “Or are you worried it’s too hot?” Venti mused, slowly pulling the spoon from Xiao’s mouth and closer to his own. Lips pursed and loosened, allowing enough space to gently blow on the bite. Not capable of handling any more, Xiao grabbed Venti’s wrist and pulled the spoon into his mouth in hopes to catch it before the maid could fully blow on it.

The abrupt grab gave Venti pause, maid gauging if the reaction had been in anger or embarrassment or something else entirely. “Too much?” He asked, gaze now more curious. As if he were assessing something, and Xiao didn't want to think about what.

“Mmm.” Xiao offered his own ambiguous reply, cheeks burning and hoping the other mistook it to mean the food was too hot. Of which it wasn’t. The omurice was hot enough to be fresh, but not to the extent it burned Xiao’s mouth. Barely even chewed it before he swallowed, pulling back and away from the spoon.

“Too much.” Venti decided with a nod, and used the spoon to scoop up more. The logic side of Xiao pointed at that he needed to tell the maid that no, he didn’t need to be fed. This wasn’t what was agreed upon. Furthermore, the two didn’t even need to do what was agreed upon. Xiao was an adult, he could feed himself just fine. Didn’t need the lovely view of Venti’s collarbone when he was leaning slightly to spoon feed his ‘master.’ But that was not the side that was winning anymore. The simple part of his brain stuck on, ‘maid cute,’ was taking control and it most definitely wanted to keep that view, to keep Venti’s attention on them, and to be spoon-fed. Maybe told how good he was being.

Maybe push his luck, ask if Venti wanted to sit in his lap while the maid fed him. Have the other hand run fingers through Xiao’s hair, whispering soft and gentle with his voice. The natural one, not the more musical one he used when in-character.

“It’s… Not too much.” Xiao’s voice was low, and he wasn’t confident that he could even be heard. But he was, a knowing smile slipping onto Venti’s face briefly before getting covered up with a more professional one. Venti even did a cute little song before they blew on the bite, something about, ‘Blessings of Barsibato!’ Of which sounded suspiciously like an inside joke. The song was gentle, a voice perfect for lullabies. As this went on, Xiao’s insecurity beckoned him to make sure no one else staring, there were no judging eyes. Each time he did, he felt himself unraveling, piece by piece. No one was even batting an eye, or even really noticing. Not even when he finished, and Venti used a towel to wipe an even more flustered Xiao’s mouth.

“How was it?” Venti asked, folding the napkin and setting it on the empty plate.

“It was… Good.” Xiao doubted the blush was going away any time soon. An approving hum left the maid, and he began to collect everything onto the plate. As much as he enjoyed that, perhaps too much, there were more things that bothered Xiao about the experience. Namely, why Venti was an unfamiliar face that had an odd familiarity with the college’s textbooks. Did he simply learn it to help clients? Then why not become a tutor instead of a glorified waiter? “I know you might not answer for privacy reasons, but… Do you go to the college nearby?”

“Aha, is that what’s been bothering you?” Venti chuckled, everything packed onto the plate. “I graduated two years ago. Actually, I'm pretty surprised they’re using the same book, though. Those curricula sure do love to print a million editions to squeeze every mora out of you.” He ended with a sigh, eyes far off and for a moment, even exhausted.

“You’re already graduated?” Xiao’s eyes widened, voice incredulous. “But you look-”

“So old?” Venti ended for him, one amused brow rising up. “I take it you’re also as young as you look?” He continued, smile quirking into a wide grin when Xiao looked away. Guilty as charged, his appearance was also misleading in how old he actually was. Being short didn’t help either, as strangers often mistook Xiao for being a teenager instead of in his twenties. “Thought so.”

“Okay… So, this is your… Job?” Xiao was hesitant in asking. There was a stigma around this line of work, and he hoped his inquiry didn’t come off as insulting or belittling.

“Not mine. There are some maids who use this as their primary. I only work two evenings a week for fun money. The good cider is expensive.” Venti slid index and middle finger against his thumb, making a visual cue for money. “Can’t afford weekend benders otherwise.”

There was a lot to gather from that. Instead, Xiao tried to focus on the more neutral aspects. Until that moment, Xiao had no reason to suspect the maid in front of him was an alcoholic. Perhaps Venti was exaggerating. Just in case, he side-stepped that particular line. “What’s your primary job?”

“Biblically accurate angel.” Venti’s response was smooth, and their smile ambiguous.

“Right.” Xiao didn’t know what else to say, simply nodded. Apparently while on the clock, Venti was adamant about not sharing too many personal details. Xiao could only assume to avoid potential stalkers. It unsettled him, realizing that was a reality all of the maids had to face. Still, he learned more than he expected to about the other. Honestly, he just assumed the maid would shut the conversation down without revealing anything. “Do they treat you well here?” Xiao tried a line of inquiry that shifted from probing, as if he were more trying to get a feel for the cafe’s operations.

“Better than I treat them!” Venti replied, grinning widely and went back to using both hands to hold the plate. “The owner is some rich guy named Diluc. He only opened it up because he lost a bet, but he’s tons of fun to mess with as a result. I highly recommend it.” Venti went on, eyes crinkling in mischievous delight.

“...Are you working here to mess with people?” Xiao blurted out, unable to contain his suspicion.

“Maybe.” Venti said in a conniving tone, grin playful before a laugh left him. “No, I actually started out to help a friend. I was supposed to only be doing live music, but then another maid convinced me to perform in one of the uniforms, and it was just so breezy…” He trailed, swaying his hips lightly to make the skirt of the maid uniform, wide and full from its petticoat, swing back and forth. Intentionally or unintentionally flashing Xiao bare thigh, the skin briefly peaking through lace and a legging clutching onto that inviting flesh for dear life. For a second, Xiao envied that stocking. Just for a second, until logical thinking kicked in finally to remind him that he was jealous of fabric. Ceasing the motion, Venti shrugged. “Now here I am, fighting math for my Master’s attention. Am I getting less adorable in my old age?” They gave an exaggerated sigh, leaning more onto one leg to add into the theatrics.

“...You… Want me to throw you on a desk and do you all night?” There were thoughts that Xiao had been, until that moment, very careful in filtering before he opened his mouth. Before he opened his big, embarrassing, terrible mouth that said things he hadn’t intended to say, didn’t want to say, and realized too late that he did, in fact, just say. All at once, he felt anger at Itto. At the man who ditched him, and made it so that Xiao couldn’t run away in horror at what he said and leave Itto to deal with the fallout and bill. Venti also must not have expected Xiao’s mouth to string those words together, the maid faltering as confusion overtook their visage. All at once it clicked, and this time it was the maid’s turn to blush and stutter.

“Ehe, w-well… I need to get these to the kitchen. I’ll be back with a refill for you.” Venti murmured, shyly retreating away. The second he was gone, Xiao buried his face in his hands and groaned. This was the humiliating thing that was going to haunt him for years to come. This exact scene would replay when he was trying to fall asleep at 2am, and keep him awake with self-loathing and shame. Any second now, Diluc would appear at his table, and demand that Xiao leave and never come within a hundred feet of the cafe. That any chance Xiao once deluded himself into believing he had was destroyed, all good will lost with not even a good flirtatious joke. Just a really lame, horny-sounding one.

Worst of all, he hadn't initially intended it to be. Xiao just blurted out how he did his work, and the thought-mouth filter was supposed to catch it given the ways it could be taken. Now he was going to get put into the pile of creeps that were forbidden to return. If Itto tried to drag him back there, he'd have to explain that to Itto. Who would tell Kuki. Who would tell Yan Fei… And did it end with her, or would there be more? A circulation of whispers that Xiao was one of the people to look out for, and all because he was so damn foolish.

No, he would just have to deal with this fallout. Counting his breaths, holding and slowly releasing each one, Xiao tried to calm down. Say stupid things, earn stupid prizes. The only way forward was to try and do better, and accept responsibility for his actions. Despite thinking that, his eyes did feel a bit damp. Did his best to not flinch hearing footsteps approach, and to his surprise saw that it was only Venti with a pot of tea that he was pouring into Xiao's cup.

“That isn't the worst thing I've heard.” Venti informed Xiao gently, using the sort of tone a person would use when trying to lure a scared cat out of its hiding place.

“I'm sorry.” It was all Xiao could bring himself to say. Making the excuse of, I didn't mean to, just would come across as trying to cover. Venti laughed lightly at the apology, pulling the tea pot away once the glass was full.

“You don't really need to apologize. I'm pretty sure I'm the one who took it the wrong way.” Venti was back to good humor, having used the time away to recollect himself. That statement was as true as it wasn't, and Xiao couldn't find the words to explain that. Just sunk deeper into his seat, averting his gaze and wondering if at this point he should just leave. Surely by now this made up for Itto's behavior? Xiao could just pay and leave. Probably never see Venti again.

But then the memory of Venti's reaction at Itto's abrupt departure returned. That dejected face, the way the maid just looked so disappointed. Fuck, I'm weak, Xiao thought.

“So! Does Master know what he would like for dessert?” Venti asked, all pleasantries and smiles on full display. It was peculiar that for the first time, the maid didn't include ‘my’ before ‘Master’ this time. Had Xiao… Flustered him that much?

“I was just going to trust your judgment.” Xiao tried to raise his voice, not wanting to keep muttering and murmuring this entire interaction. Make some piece of Venti's job easier amidst all the less savory parts.

“Then I know just the thing!” With a wink and a flourish, Venti bounded off all over again. Now that he was paying more attention to his surroundings, Xiao noticed all the maids struck a similar pose when leaving, though a few made heart shapes with their hands as they retreated. Nodding slowly, that matched the voice Venti was using while in-character. The wait was short, Xiao trying to straighten himself again as Venti returned. “For our adorable Master, almond tofu!”

Xiao's mouth dropped, and he quickly fixed it. What sixth sense did this person have to just… Know that he wouldn't just like this dish, but love it?

***

“I’ll waive your entrance and stay fees if you walk me home.” Venti teased, another laugh leaving him when Xiao’s flush returned.

“...A-All right…” Xiao mumbled, not sure what else to say. This was too good to be true, right?

“Ehe, aww, no I was kidding! I thought you’d be too shy to agree!” Venti’s laughter continued. “No, you’re cute, but not ‘show client where I live,’ cute.” He stated, firm but gentle with his words. There was equal parts relief and disappointment inside of Xiao, but his blush obscured both for the most part.

“Of course. Safety first.” Xiao agreed with a nod.

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