#“ah! a child just .. spawned in wtf?”

[uncreative-cryptid]

wheezing

demona is between "ah look food source" and "who ?? lets their kid??? eat rocks?? what is wrong with him where is your mother????"

and raziel is contemplating on if this is his problem or if he should make this some one else's problem

@unrealistic-ideas-for-writers

tiny cal, eating rocks on raziel's island:

raziel:

demona: who's goddamn baby is that

[kuyanh]

Hi.

Today...im bored...so i wanted 2 tell u smth

(i used to make this as an vid but im lazy:v)

So yesterday JUST YESTERDAY YESTERNOON i mean yestrd at noon:v i. Sleep:) the end.

Jk its actually a pretty busy day theres a guest at my house so as a precious little dilligent child i lay on my bed n blank out (sleep) in my dream i spawn in a ✨fancy✨ bathroom with a tv in it!! (Yea thats y i called it fancy theres a tv) Like who tf put a fcking tv in their bathrm?!?! Anyway i look around, theres a shower, place to take a sht, a sink, well just like an ordinary bathroom (w a tv) n suddenly the tv turn on n play ✨clerance✨ i mean that one show yk? (Iykyk) i...dont really remember wats in it but it was smth terrifying abt a bathroom that looks like the bathroom im in!! So i get traumatized n ran away from that bthrm, outside was just like a black void, till i found a white door n open it n theres a skibidi- jk. Theres no skibidi its just a white school corridor with no window, just three white doors n a bench, i go to the 2nd door, cafetaria. Theres lot of people, talking, eating, just like an ordinary cafetaria, suddenly theres my dad, i was so scared that time;-; i keep following him so i wont lose him, he was so quite but idc i dont want to lost:'v i buy some candy n i said "yo dad, im going out, catch ya later" he js nodding as a yes, the i js get away from that place,i sit on the bench. eat my kendiy:)) then theres a girl that i never meet irl, lets just name her... drawer:), i dont really mind drawer so i js eat my candy peacfully, then my rl bestie came:D lets call her MOTHER FATHER GENTLEMAN- mfg doesnt say anything so i give her my kendie but she reject it:( so i continue eat my candy:) n then suddenly a huge BLACK beast (no dema, its not u) run to my direction n, i was so scared;-; drawer scream, mfg keep quite, n idk wat to do!! So reflex we hide under the bench, that creature still mad so we decided to hide on the three rooms, drawer go to cafetaria, me n mfg to the 1st door, we separate in two.... So i continue eat my candy:], that room was...very memorable.... My kindergarten classroom. It was verry crowded, teacher who is ignored, maniac laughing n screaming js pure chaos, i realize that the black creature could attack anytime, so i decided to lock the door, but sadly...the door was stuck omg we're fcked- i keep trying to lock the door, mfg...she...shes trash- n then from afar i see a girl w white dress n a long ahh hair is approaching my direction... God im fcked up- i kept trying to lock the door but it js wont happened i turn around to check mfg, the kids, the teacher they're all gone... It js me, mfg, n an empty whiteboard i was so panic but theres nothing i can do, so i open the door...let her approach me...n...grab her fcking neck, squzee it to death, in reflect i drag her out i found the exit, outside was my school yard (i still grab her by her neck btw) she keep screaming "BLINDD BLINDDd" so i open her eyelid so fcking wide, direct it straight through the sun, she keep screaming, i look to the sun too, theres a red text sayin "being" right next to the sun....

"Being sun? Wtf-" i woke up i check the clock its 1pm ah i forgot to say i sleep at 12pm so technically i js sleep for 1 hour wtf-

[hoodiehydra]

I have no reason doing this besides writing for fun.

ANOTHER FIC FROM @pro-ups-spamton’s LOVELY AU!

Warnings: Literally cussing and killing. THIS HAS HEAVY SWEARING SO I SUGGEST YOU SKIP IF YOU CANT HANDLE IT BECAUSE- Fave called Alice a-

——————

Struggling against Alice’s tight grasp, Fave was screaming and crying for help. Wait. Backtrack a little.

Fave was watching her “parental figure” chow down on the bodies and souls of some lost ones. It was disgusting, definitely, but nothing out of the ordinary.

“That fucking whore Alice giving me shit to fix.” He growled out.

The words processed in Fave’s head for a real quick second.

Alice=whore?

She honestly had no idea what that meant. Soon enough, she was hoisted up by the demon and carried away to her little den. Safe and sound.

Everything was fine.

Now back to the present.

Fave was wriggling against the strong force of Alice’s hands clasped around her little (child) body.

“WHO ARE YOU?!” Fave yelled out.

“Darling, I’m Alice. Alice Angel, and I-” Alice started, before Fave started to speak.

“OH, YOU’RE THE FUCKING WHORE THAT GIVES MY DAD SHIT!” Fave hollered, unintentionally giving Alice “emotional damage”.

Oof. Then again, bad choice kidnapping the spawn of a demon. Even better, then Ink Demon’s fucking child.

“Sweetie, where on earth did you learn those words from?” Alice was very concerned about the demon’s parenting methods.

“No matter. Once I rip you apart and sacrifice you, I will be beautiful again! And no one will ever call me a fucking whore again.” Alice declared with somewhat confidence.

Hah, yeah right. Bad move, Alice.

A large, dark shadow loomed over her, and some heavy huffing could be felt behind her. The sudden large and terrifying presence behind her literally shook her. Fave’s eyes widened with glee, before yelling, “Daddy! Help me!”

S h i t.

Cue the “dun dun dunnnnnnn”.

The Ink Demon yanked Fave from Alice, harshly glaring at the demonic angel. This was gonna get bloody.

Fave was placed back into her small den, before he started to uh-

How shall I put it?

Oh!

Kill her.

No she didn’t die, just… different. And by different, I mean an ink puddle which she would soon form back into herself again, but it would take a while, at least a week before she could do something again.

When he came back, Fave gave him a hug, wrapping her tiny arms around his bony leg.

The Ink Demon wasn’t used to it. He would never get used to it. He didn’t want to get used to it, so he lightly shoved her off, her landing on a soft, ink-stained mattress with a small “oomph”.

Ah well.

Maybe in the future.

———————

PLEASE HELP I KEEP ENDING THESE STUFF WITH SEMI-FLUFF EVEN AFTER SOMEONE DIED WTF

Ehhhh- hoped you liked it!

[gaming-thoughts-by-an-idiot]

"Who the fuck are you? Benor? It sounds familiar..."

"Huh, that was easier than I expected... oh wait I'm on easy, lol that's why"

"Ok, srly, you spawn with me, who the fuck are you"

"Ooh... bugged, follower, right"

"Ok bye?"

"Have I been here before?"

"I've played skyrim so many times, dont think I've ever been in all the caves and ruins"

"Eh, why not"

"I wonder if the kid from Helgen have gotten to riften, I killer his grandpa, I want to obtain the child"

"I'm not going in here alone, Imma wait"

"Ok, looks like I'm going in here alone"

"... the door is barred from the other side... ugh"

"Explore another day then"

"Wtf? I was just attacked by a bunch of stormcloaks"

"Fiiine, I'll do a quest, ugh"

"I cant remember what house contain work stuff and which contain children"

"I sing all these songs"

"This contains no children, sweet"

"I've ruined my wedding ring to learn its secrets... WELL MY WIFE HAVE HERS UP FOR SALE SO I guess we're equally bad"

"Where did I get this dragon stone from?"

"Ok I guess the rest of my ingredients is at the house which contains my children of unknown origins"

"A bandit chief came, and both my horses murdered him"

"Ok i have two children"

"I have three children"

"Wait wait"

"Green dress... grey dress... yellow sweater... blue dress..."

"I have four children"

"Where, is, a, daedra heart"

"Guess I'll just do another quest "

"Can I woo this woman"

"The answer was no"

"Let's do the fake officer's quest"

"Always remember to quick save before going into a ruin, life have taught me"

"I wonder what the dragon priests are saying"

"...."

"Imma google it"

/ Daanik Ah Dov, or "Doomed dragonhunter", which appears to clearly be a threat. /

"Cool, thanks bros, I appreciate the love"

"Excuse you, I haven't killed a single dragon yet ok, technically I'm not the dragon born"

"If I had any simps, I'd ask them to buy me skyrim merch"

"Simply a 'you're so cool, you deserve geeky shit', cuz I got nothing to offer. Hello sir would you like to get daily pictures of-- *reads smudge on hand* c-cats? Yes I have those, *sends all the cat pics I own, the simp swimming in pictures of my cat in a sweater* 'please, no more, take the merch--"

"I may or may not have gotten too invested with the idea of getting free shit..."

"If I get a dog, hes gonna be named Dovahkiin, or dragon born, can nobody stop me. No srly, help, stop me"

"Some dudes found the place and they're like 'we brought in this gen z to scream dragon at the wall and it worked, sadly since we yeeted him to the side he just caught an Arrow to the neck, and I guess he's in heaven... anyways--' like bro"

"Why cant I sleep in the bed where the skeleton is? This is offensive"

"I keep getting fallout76 controls and skyrim controls mixed up and I swear to god, if I press jump and I go into the menu again, I will scream"

Mjoll: how can I help you?

Me: bY SHUTTING THE FUCK UP

Game: if you walk through here, your body gets shot with a thousand arrows and then burned, and as the finishing touch, decapitated.

Me: lol *goes through it and eats food and doesnt die*

Game: am I a joke to you?

"I like how the game is like 'I'm sure you have little money', and I'm like rolling in caps"

"Fuck, coin! Fucking fallout"

Door, expert lock:

Me: that cant stop me

Also me: *breaks several lockpicks*

"I wonder where they got the word 'master bedroom', is it cuz the parents are the masters of their small goblins? Is there a novice bedroom? An expert? Is it bcuz of a kink thing? Is it bcuz of the bad thing? I want to know, but refuse to find out"

"Is it too early for a nap? *checks time* its 9am, it is definitely too early for a nap"

"MJOLL GET OUT OF THE WAY OH MY GOD"

"boss fight, quicksave"

"Not the boss fight"

"Claw time"

"Doggo, owool, and.. uh, mermaid? AHAHA Snek"

"Ok bossfight"

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ARE YOU, OMG THANK GOD I SAVED JESUS FUCK IT CRASHED I SWEAR TO GOD"

"I need a nap, wow"

"Ah, partysnacc, my bae"

"Boss done, yesss, time to discover that the imperial officer is actually a thalmor spy"

"Ohhhh! I was about to sleep in the game, I was about to he kidnapped by the dark brotherhood, hahah damn, that was close"

"I have so much skyrim lore and nowhere to use it"

"Yskramor was a piece of shit and so was talos.... although theres strong theories that the dragon born is just a reincarnation of Talos, so I guess there's that"

"I googled and I have learned many things, talos was three dudes, some say yes to dragon born is, and other says no.and now I wonder if I paid enough attention to Nate on youtube to give any thought at all. Oh nooo, I have to watch Nate explain more skyrim lore? Aa, the horror 😍"

"I've gotten a hold of nettlebane, and I already know I give the priestess the knife and shes like 'oh can u go to the mother tree and cut her please' and yes"

"Where do the skeletons keep their gold"

"Sell the loot, not that I need money"

Mjoll: everything alright?

Me: I'm going to hit you so dramatically

[yakumtsaki]

There’s no easy way to say this so I’m just gonna come right out with it: welcome to the most morbid post in Union history. Half the family is getting wiped out in a single update and I don’t mean to point fingers, but it’s 100% Wyatt’s fault. I really need someone to blame so don’t dare try to take this away from me.

Back to the present and not the corpse-filled near future, we actually have some money to spend on our spawn for the first time ever, so Shajar gets a non-completely-depressing room. No more eating from the cat bowl for our kids!

..spoke too soon.

-Is it still there, is it still there??

-YES omg it just looked right at me! Vic! I’m scared!

-Don’t make eye contact with it you fool! Don’t you have any idea about how children work??

After not getting promoted for an eon, Jojo is suddenly killing it, two promotions in a row!

-I know, I was starting to fear I’d be one of those geniuses who are only recognized after death- UGH, what is that obnoxious sound?

That’s your infant child screaming because it was abandoned on the cold hard floor the entire night.

-Oh ok, so standard parenting. For a minute I thought something was wrong.

-There, there, you’re alright. Ok.. OK seriously, stop. God, have some dignity for once in your 12-hour life. Crying in public is so embarrassing.

-NEEEEEEO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yup. I’ve been so focused on feeding Victor and Alegra’s ancient asses from the bowl of life that I forgot Neo was an elder too, so he’s the first to go even though he’s way younger than them, great job @ me. Goodbye Neo 💔 You were such a good boy, our cat heir, and an integral part in achieving Komei’s life-ruining LTW. You will be sorely missed.

..Apparently by your archenemy Victor most of all. Vicky casually walked off the lot the minute Neo died with no notifications about running away, only to return on his own shortly after. Wtf is going on in this house.

-I had to contemplate the futility of hate.. All this time wasted trying to kill each other and for what.. It's a sunrise and a sunset from a cradle to a casket.

Yea or this lot is already glitched as fuck and it’s only generation 2. Good times.

I was very bummed out by Neo’s premature demise and not in the mood for another kid, but one peek at Jojo and Wyatt’s life bars convinced me to drop the mourning period and circle-of-life this bitch. They are extremely not getting any younger and who tf do I think I am? Someone who knows better than Mufasa?However since a) Jojo is nowhere near his 100k LTW and can’t be taking days off and b) and more importantly, I hate Wyatt, guess who’s carrying this time around!

OH COME ON

GODFUCKINGDAMMIT WYATT

-Huhu!

How the hell did this happen I DEMAND TO KNOW

-Check how your mods work in le futur, idiόt!

..well you got me there.

Jo you are ON FIRE, 3/3! Maybe we can actually complete this 100k bullshit before you’re on death’s doorstep. It’s gonna be close tho, but you know, you just HAD to get knocked up again, so that’s on you.

-No, it’s on YOU.

No, it’s ON WYATT. Let’s just not point fingers and move on, ok? Everyone is equally to blame.

-NO THEY’RE NOT

I’VE MOVED ON I CAN’T HEAR YOU

And now a section I like to call: What the entire fuck is happening. VICTORIA WHAT ARE YOU DOING

-What?? I love babies :)

I legit went back and checked, can you guess how many times Victoria autonomously interacted with any of her kids when they were babies/toddlers? If you had EXACTLY ONE TIME you win..nothing. There are no winners here.

Oh. my. god. 

-Stop hogging her already, I wanna feed her too!

-WELL WAIT YOUR TURN DICK. No, not you, baby bobo booboo.. 

We’ve had our fair share of plot twists around here but this is truly some fucked up shit. In case you don’t get what the big deal is, enjoy this little trip down memory lane aka the Victoria-Komei-parenting-hall-of-fame. Either the ‘age mellows people out’ thing applies to sims too or they got personality transplants when I wasn’t looking. Disturbing.

Of course SOME THINGS never change, no matter how life-ruining for all involved.

-Is this about my LTW, STILL? It’s been like 20 years, GET OVER IT

NEVER

Whachu doing Vic?

-Updating my will to include Komei now that I suddenly love him. Of course someone has to get cut to make that happen..

Well goodbye Daniel I guess!

-..Who the fuck is Daniel?

-I too am making preparations for when I leave this cruel world.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume they’re cat-related.

-NO, not everything is about cats! I have plenty of other interests and concerns. 

Name one.

-My beloved son! I’m making sure he takes care of my cats.

Finally, this family’s excellence is starting to be recognized. It’s about time.

-Yea no, this is a recognition that you trainwrecks need all the help you can get.

UGH typical jealous hater bullshit, I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.

Ok, I’ve some idea what you’re talking about. Honestly what else has to happen for me to just. stop fucking throwing kid’s birthday parties? I’m pretty sure we’ve had..one that wasn’t a straight up disaster? God knows those glory days aren’t returning any time soon.

-I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m having a blast :D

Of course you are Gunther, you haven’t been sober since the third year of college.

AND SOME PEOPLE ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THAT. ABSOLUTELY NOT. HALF ALIEN PROF ISTFG

-I’m legit fine with this :)

I legit don’t care, it’s not happening in our sacred home. Also BRIT IS RIGHT THERE JFC you’ve gotten stupid as shit.

You guys seriously, what sins am I paying for, why can’t we have ONE NORMAL NON-INCESTUOUS PARTY. JUST ONE. Daniel heartfarting over his ex, ok, not that weird. Komei heartfarting over his daughter-in-law..getting weird. Gunther heartfarting over Half Alien Prof..reaching for the chlorine to bleach my eyes and then immediately drink.

Nice, get in on that action Wyatt! We almost forgot about your long standing boner for your brother-in-law.

Happy birthday, Shajar! You’re welcome for this amazing party, pay me back by not being ugly.

..yea ok. You did your best with the tools you were given. And I mean the literal giant tools that are your parents. Hopefully Wyatt came through with his somewhat balanced personality???

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OH MAN. 10 playful, 9 active and 1 nice? Literally sporting Jigsaw’s personality. I mean darling Jojo has 3 nice points and is..how he is, can’t even imagine what Shajar is gonna grow up to be like, but it’s good to know we’re moving in the exact opposite direction than intended.

-Enjoyed your kid’s birthday party, you cheating bastard? WELL PARTY’S OVER

-I may be a cheating bâtard-

-SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR SELECTIVE FRENCH ACCENT

AW Neo’s ghost making its first appearance and trying to kill Wyatt, what a sweetheart. Welcome to the party!

It was one for the history books! 

-How on earth did this party suck, I had an exceptional time.

Yea that’s because you weren’t there, it’s easy to have an exceptional time away from this family. Of course I have never personally experienced it but the mind does race.

-AH at last, my article is published! Oh, editor’s pick too, ha, of course. No, wait, editor’s warning.. As requested by the legal department? Drama queens. “Horrifying views expressed.. Widely discredited.. Not endorsed in any way by this publication.. DERIVATIVE??!!” Well, I know what I’m doing this weekend.

Is it.. rewriting your article?

-Oh, I’ll rewrite it alright. IN BLOOD

Great. Speaking of blood-

-Victor’s thirst for it is back with a vengeance. We went an entire 4 days without a cat fight and I was all like ‘woo new record’ but one thing has become clear since then:

Victor didn’t go away to contemplate shit. He was waiting..plotting..training..and now the time has come for Victor 2: Reign of Blood.

-WHERE’S YOUR GOD NOW??

Seems about right. Honestly Sophie is the wisest one among us because she got tfo just in time to miss THIS:

Yea, unsurprisingly fucking Damien here is one vicious screamer. WHAT DO YOU WANT

-YOUR SOULS

Good luck finding any in this house.

-Who’s my cute little spawn of satan? Who is? Come to grandma baby.

-ONE SMALL STEP FOR ME, ONE GIANT LEAP TOWARDS THE ANNIHILATION OF MANKIND

Wyatt continues to do nothing of use all day and is not even getting promoted anymore due to his tragic lack of skill points. Somehow that led me to deciding he should be the one to get the genie wishes, I honestly dk wtf my problem is.

-Greetings, mortal etc etc. I’m gonna skip over the intro, you know the deal with the dealio, 3 wishes, let’s hit it.

-I was expectànt more of an Aladdin flair but c’est bien I guess..

-DON’T DARE MENTION THAT MOVIE TO ME YOU FRENCH ASSHOLE

-Um, oui, your désir c’est my command..Huhu! 

-Is one of your wishes the return of your brain, because you should throw that in there.

-Non, non. C’est but one wish in mon coeur, Genié. To nevér, evér have to interact with my bébés but still have beaucoup of them.. In case you can’t tell, I am sim de famille!

-Ugh yea, that much is obvious.

-Well, your wish is granted, mortal! Let me just flick your nose as hard as I can and we’re done here..

-Pourquoi?

-Oh no reason, just for my own pleasure. Buh-bye!

-And with that, he turned into la fumée, mon cheri! Incrediblé!

-I hate my life.

That makes two of us. As in I hate your life too, my life is pretty good.

KOMEI DO YOU MIND WITH YOUR DANGEROUS CURVES, Jojo has a grueling skilling schedule to keep up with.

-So this is it. Rock bottom. 

I mean, you wanted to be heir boo, you got it. It’s a dirty job.

Finally one of the Mortal Kombat cats lives up to its name! GET FUCKED VICTOR

-K.O

Well, we all saw that coming. Victor seriously, you’re like 50yo, don’t do this.

-I’m outta here for the fourth time bitches, and this time I’m not coming back! No man is an island but this cat is.

Ok, see you soon.

Wyatt’s wish is definitely coming true, he has not touched Shajar a single time yet, autonomously or otherwise! What a guy.

-I HAVE NO USE FOR EARTHLY FATHERS, THE ONE I NEED AWAITS US ALL IN HELL

It’s gonna be a long fucking generation.

-WYATT. WYATT YOU DAMN MORON WAKE UP

-Ugh Jojό, I told you, my magique protects me from all bébé interactiόn.

-DOES IT PROTECT YOUR TORSO FROM MULTIPLE STAB WOUNDS

It’s a girl! I’m like why stray from a proven formula, so I name her Cyneswith after another Crusader Kings character, who did not exist irl like Shajar but was still a fire emoji empress of Britannia. Welcome to the shitshow Cyneswith! No offense, it was great to meet you, but we have some important shit to do so..have fun on the floor?

FUCKING FINALLY. It’s promotions only from now on boo! 

..Which is more than I can say for some people. Wyatt seriously, can you move your useless ass up the ladder already so we can avoid having this freak in our house EVERY SINGLE DAY.

-The boy’s just following his heart ;)

Half Alien Prof you are by far the biggest pervert I’ve ever had in this game and Jojo spent his entire teenagehood trying to start a bdsm relationship with Stephen Tinker.

Well, Victor predictably died off lot, which is so on brand for him I’m not even mad. An insufferable dick to the very end, he lived to eat and to start fights with every animal he ever came in contact with. He only ever really loved Victoria. I’m gonna miss him so much.

Victor may have died, but that’s not going to stop the police department from trying to return him to us. Just remember that that place is under Wyatt’s supervision and it all makes sense.

Can hardly wait, Professional Make-Up Cop.

-I want to play a game, Alegra.

Man is someone gunning to be put up for adoption!

-Papa’s birthday présent to you, Shajar, is us finally meeting! Breathe it in, mon favori, I’ll be seeing you again on your next anniversaire!

-Wyatt I swear to fucking god, I will stab you.

Can we get this going please, I’m in NO MOOD.

Not bad at all! A pretty even mix of Wyatt/Jojo and I see you def did not get the Komei jaw, which is pretty much angels singing.

-Angels singing makes my eyes roll in the back of my skull. 

You make my eyes roll in the back of my skull.

-What?

What. I didn’t say anything. Love you Shaj!

-One more for the road babe? After 50 years?

Yea. Just pretend everything that follows has a broken heart emoji before and after each word.

I dress Vic up and have her wait for Death in the living room like a lady, none of those ‘dying in the bathroom in my underwear’ deaths, befitting people like Wyatt. However ideal the circumstances as far as death goes, my heart still broke in more pieces than cats Komei has petted.

-VICTORIA UNION

-Marisa? Is that you?

-NO, IT’S-wow cool armchair, where did you get-no, sorry, you’re dying and all, let me start over..

-VICTORIA UNION, YOUR TIME HAS COME. I’M HERE TO COLLECT YOUR WRETCHED SOUL

-What? My soul is not wretched jerkoff, the fuck you talking about?

-THAT’S JUST A THING WE SAY BECAUSE IT SOUNDS COOL, PLEASE DON’T RUIN IT

-HERE’S YOUR COMPLIMENTARY VIRGIN MARGARITA

-Virgin??? Oh god, I’m going to hell aren’t I?

-YOU WERE, BUT YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER MADE SOME CALLS ON YOUR BEHALF. WELCOME TO HEAVEN

-Yes, I can taste the alcohol in this! GOING GONE, BITCHES. LATES

The stacks of simoleons DID NOT EASE MY PAIN. I do love that Daniel got the most final version of ‘and none for Gretchen Weiners, bye’ possible.

Jojo is fucking devastated and immediately rolls the want to resurrect Vic. It’s bummy af, I’m not even gonna go for the obvious oedipal jokes, he was just crying for days and days and days..

Komei, on the other hand, WAS NOT.

-Eh, I’ll be seeing her soon enough, why waste the tears.

Now that I think about it Komei has never cried about any of the cats either, I think he’s just the type of person who deals with grief by suppressing it. Whatever works.

Jojo and Wyatt are always having these fashion talks whenever they’re eating which are hilarious because I can see Wyatt being into it, I mean he’s french, but in what world is fucking nerd Jojo interested in clothing. Not even that can cheer him up now 💔

Fucking Florence, bringer of doom, returns Sophie to us and the moment she does:

Tell me how am supposed to live without you, now that I've been loving you so long, how am I supposed to live without you, how am I supposed to carry on, when all that I've been living for.. is gone 💔

FUCK YOU FLORENCE

Jfc the blows just won’t stop coming. LEAVE US ALONE WE’RE IN MOURNING

Time for Cyneswith’s depressing ass birthday which I can’t give less of a fuck about, and apparently neither can Wyatt but then again he wouldn’t even if we weren’t ~back to black.

Loving the hairstyle but it does look ridic on a toddler. Good for you for committing to your british aristocracy character tho, very Downton Abbey.

Well the Komei jaw always knocks twice and apparently we let it in this time. Are you beautiful on the inside Cyneswith?

OH. MY. FUCK. BYE. CYNESWITH YOU FUCKING FREAK

-Huhu! 

NO SHE GOT THE HUHU. GOD HELP US

Cyneswith dramatically enters the toddler stage by immediately going into aspiration failure.. You can all guess where this is going.

-KOMEI UNION YOUR TIME HAS COME. I’M HERE TO COLLECT YOUR-

-Yea yea whatever, are my cats waiting for me? If you say no I will literally kill myself.

-I DON’T THINK YOU’RE GRASPING THE CORE CONCEPT OF DEATH, BUT YES THEY ARE WAITING.

-I’M OUT. TELL THE WOLF I LOVED HIM

KOMEI 💔 I’m sorry but we will not be delivering that message.

Apparently Jojo and Komei legit bonded at some point?? I was expecting like a half-hearted sigh but instead we got sobbing-

-and this sum that does not imply ‘least favorite kid’ AT ALL.

Well you know how the old saying goes: nothing will ever replace your parents but a helicopter will come close. 

Also in mourning: this breakdancer npc that randomly appeared on our lot and stayed stuck there for 2 days before I finally batboxed her into oblivion. This lot is fuuuucked y’all.

And generation 1 is officially over. Rest in peace Komei and Victoria, legacy founders, horrible spouses and somehow even worse parents. You stuck it out and were fun to play till the very end. I’ll really miss you guys 💔

[lliinnkk]

Death-Life - Crazy Girls, Crazy Flowers

Mom?! Wha?! What’s Mom doing here?! And where is here?! What happened to Asriel?! Did the plan fail?! How badly?! Is everyone okay?! Am I the only one dead?! Argh! One mind has too much to worry about!

But right now, Mom is here and if she sees me dead, she will freak! There’s no way I’m letting her see me! As fast as my feet can carry me and as quiet as humanly possibly, I ran back to that weird Chara Copy, which was lying on the ground with a large Boulder on top of it, still unconscious. One finds oneself to be stomping around on the grass to attract attention numerous times in one’s daily life. My ghosty feet aren’t actually affecting the grass in any way, but it makes a sound as if I’m stamping on it.

“Ugh! Okay, okay! I’m up! I’m up!” yelled the Copycat, with a cough and a sneeze. “Ugh! Clover, tell that old witch and her gang to stop that or I’ll throw ‘em in the river again!” Ooh! Maybe I underestimated this kid’s intelligence! Still, I continue to stomp around. This kiddo’s gotta get up! I’m not touching it with my ghosty hands!

Soon enough, kiddo’d had it up to here with my thumping and jumping - finally! - and, with a grunt and a growl, she managed to pry herself out of her 'stuck between a rock and a flowery place’ situation! “ARGH! VICTORIA!” she screamed. However, after failing to realise that I was not Victoria and was, in fact, a ghost, she charged at where the irritating sound had spawned from, only to fly straight through my ghosty body! This was not a nice sensation for either of us. We were both thrown backwards and were still shivering with discomfort by the time we’d managed to stand back up again. But, oh no, I ain’t letting this girl touch me again! Not after that! Her hands are so weird and it feels weird for her to walk through me like that! Tata, bitch!

After I ran through the archway before that weirdo saw me, I watched her confused face assessing her surroundings (probably wondering what was making the sound I made by jumping and stomping around), before shaking her head with a sigh and heading on. But, this time, there was someone in the room with us too - or rather, something! A flower. Nothing unusual there…except it has this stupid, cheeky face on him. Now that’s unusual. Even the kid thinks it’s unusual.

“Howdy!” it beamed. Oh. It talks. “I’m Flowey. Flowey the flower!” He really reminds me of my dad for some reason.

“Uh… H-hi, Flowey. Um…” the kiddo said, uneasily. Her face was a nice blend of fear and 'WTF is that thing?!’.

“Hmm… You’re new to the underground, aren'tcha? Golly, you must be so confused.” How is it constantly grinning?! “Someone ought to teach you how things work around here! I guess little old me will have to do.” Where’s my popcorn and 3D glasses?

“Ready? Here we go!” Flowey smiled, locking in on the weirdo’s soul. Yes! It’s the best when a monster demonstrates their magic! I remember when I was training Azzy in preparation for fighting the humans! When a monster is about to attack you, you know it, because you see your soul in front of you and you feel every beat of your heart. I loved seeing my soul, 'cause I have a red one, and Dad told me that if I have a red soul, I’m determined. Oh! The kid’s got a determined soul, too - a very confused and surprised determined soul at that!

“W-what?! What’s-?!” the child cried, absolutely befuddled at everything. Reminds me of my own first experience when being attacked by a monster.

Flowey giggled. “You see that heart? That is your soul, the very culmination of your being! Your soul starts off weak, but can grow strong if you gain a lot of LV.”

Wait, what?! LV?! That’s-! Um… So, I kinda forgot what it is…but I know it’s bad! So… Wait, what kind of monster are you, teaching weirdos to gain LV, huh? Everything was going fine until you mentioned that! If you’d have just gone on without mentioning that at all, it would be okay! But now look what you did! She’s intrigued now! She’s intrigued!

“LV?” asked the kid. “What’s that?”

“What’s LV stand for? Why, LOVE, of course!” He’s a manipulative, lying flower! Someone stop him!

“Oh! Th-that makes sense!” No, it doesn’t! Don’t listen to him!

“You want some LOVE, don’t you?”

“Oh, y-yes, please, Mr Flowey Sir!” Er, no thanks, Mr Pants On Fire!

“Don’t worry, I’ll share some with you!” He winked, with his tongue stuck out, an expression that was weirdly familiar, and he summoned a bunch of magical flower seeds and spun them around in the air. This can’t be good for the kid, who’s looking more excited than the sun at sunset. She 'oohed’ and 'ahhed’ at the show, like I did, every time I saw them use magic. “Down here, LOVE is shared through…little, white…'friendliness pellets’.” Errrrrr… The kid marvelled at his words. “Are you ready? Move around! Get as many as you can!”

Flowey’s 'pellets’ slowly floated towards the kid. The oblivious child obeyed his commands. She hesitantly stepped towards them. She held out her finger…

“Ow!” yelled the child, taking a step back as the bullets disappeared. Flowey grinned, but this grin was a lot less innocent than all his other friendly and welcoming grins.

“You idiot. In this world, it’s kill or be killed! Why would anyone pass up an opportunity like this?!” And within an instant, the kid was trapped in a circle of Flowey’s bullets. “Die.”

Flowey burst out into fits of maniacal laughter as the bullets closed in on the frightened child. The kid, stuck in the middle of all this, was mumbling the apologies and regrets of the dying. Looks like this is the end for poor, poor Chara Copy. She had her whole life ahead of her, but everything went out the window when she committed suicide to give her life to a precious flower. Farewell, little Chara!

But at the moment before the bullets could damage the kid, they all suddenly disappeared. The flower was whacked away by a small ball of fire.

Mom!

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