#“Outis” Babbles

[chrissdollie]

this whore

[la-ro-ki]

im nonbinary, bisexual, AND polyamorous so really i’m the perfect example of someone who can’t make choices

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Imagine:

The Reader getting jealous because their baby girl favors Erik more than her.

Warnings: FLUFF, short.

“Look at mommy’s sour ass face, Oria, Look.”

Erik held his five pounds, eight ounces baby up like she was a ball of fur, turning her around to look at her mommy who was currently mugging Erik. Oria Stevens opened her eyes just a little, her black irises showing before closing her eyes again. Oria’s lips made a sucking motion and her tiny fingers clenched into a fist.

Erik, please,” Y/N grabs Oria from his arms while giving him an aggravating look, “Oria favors me too.”

“Where?” Erik presses.

“She just does she’s my baby too, Erik, my baby shares my features don’t do that.”

“I’m just trying to understand why you are still upset about what everyone said in the hospital-HEY PRETTY GIRL!! DADDY’S BINKY BALL!!”

Erik called her BINKY Ball because she was always curled up into the fetal position whenever she rested and she loved her pacifier to death. Oria knew when it wasn’t in her mouth correctly. Still sleeping, she would twist it back the way it’s supposed to be and you couldn’t get that pacifier out of her mouth if you tried. Erik greeted her with deep dimples and a silly face. Oria gave him a gummy smile while showcasing her dimples as well. Erik pokes them, causing his little princess to babble a little.

Y/N watched them both interact and wished she had her phone nearby to record. Now Erik was using the tips of his fingers to smooth Oria’s thick head of hair down. She was so hairy that she gave Y/N heart burn during her pregnancy. The doctors had to cut hair from around Oria’s neck because she wasn’t breathing properly. Y/N didn’t find out until later that evening and she was honestly grateful because if she would have known at the moment all hell would break loose.

“You didn’t answer my question, baby. Why are you still so bothered by what your family said in the hospital?”

Y/N kisses her teeth, “Because every one of their asses were saying how Oria has your- ouch,” Oria scratched Y/N’s cleavage while opening and closing her mouth. Drool drizzled down her chin and on Y/N’s spaghetti strap shirt, “They said that Oria has you eyes, your nose, your dimples, your full lips. Nothing about what mommy gave her-“

“Like I said, my genes are strong,” Erik looked down and watched Oria plant her lips over Y/N’s left breasts through her shirt, “feed my daughter. You see she’s hungry for some titty milk.”

“Shut up, Erik,” Y/N pulled down the front of her top, her heavy milk filled left breast flopping out. Y/N cradled Oria’s head while bringing her to her breast to drink her milk. Y/N looked over at Erik. He had a mesmerized look in his eyes as he watched with a slight smile on his face.

“That’s just beautiful,” Erik spoke with amazement.

“Miss Oria is hungry,” Y/N rubbed the back of Oria’s head before pulling her sleeping baby from her breast. That’s all that Oria does is sleep, sit quietly watch you intently, and smile wide to show off her deep dimples. Erik said he was just like that when he was a baby. Not one thing Oria did reminded Y/N of what she did when she was a baby. Y/N was the baby her mother had to push out of the kitchen while she was in her walker because she couldn’t stay away from the hot stove and the cabinets with pots and pans. Y/N was a cry baby and she couldn’t sleep if she was in her own crib. Oria can sleep in her own crib just fine. She only cried if she was hungry or if she was around someone who gave off bad energy.

“Me and Oria need to have a Mommy-Daughter day away from Daddy because Daddy is rubbing off on her too much. No room for Mommy at all.”

“Stop acting like that,” Erik placed Y/N’s breast back in her top, “You are home with her right now you’ll have plenty of time.”

“Yeah, changing diapers, watching her sleep, feeding her greedy ass, and trying to keep myself awake enough to pay attention, ughhhhh,” Y/N grabs Oria’s hand to rub, “she’s so soft.”

“How about you two come see me for lunch tomorrow? We can eat at that new Habachi restaurant.”

“Nah, so we can be out in public and all the women walk up to our table talking about how cute Binky Ball is and how much she looks like her father. Mm mm, NOPE.”

“What are you tripping over the most? The fact that other women come up to us saying how cute our daughter is, which she IS, or that you’re jealous because she looks more like me and not you? Be happy she’s ours. Be happy she looks like Daddy because Daddy looks good, don’t he?”

“Did you really just say be glad she’s ours? What makes you think I’m not? I’m just getting tired of everybody talking about how much she looks like you like I didn’t carry her greedy, kicking butt for 9 months-“

“Chill. You’re too hyped up over this, baby-“

“And Daddy is good looking and my baby got it good too but damn her Mommy is a bad bitch.”

Erik smiles, “She definitely is.”

“We BOTH made a beautiful black baby girl.”

“YES.” Erik spoke with a firm tone. Y/N shut her mouth, closing her eyes with a shake of her head.

“I’m silly, aren’t I?”

“Nah, just a brat who likes attention.”

Oria stirred in Y/N’s arms. Y/N got up from the couch, Erik slapping her much thicker ass and watching her walk over to Oria’s swing chair that played lullabies. He loved looking at the way Y/N’s hips spread more and the tiny stretch marks on her lower belly. She swaddled Oria before walking back to the couch. Y/N sat down on Erik’s lap, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Sorry for being so mad, Daddy.”

“Don’t do it again. Believe it or not, Oria has your ears.”

“My ears?! They poke out like an elf though!”

Erik chuckled while clutching his chest.

“I can’t stand you!” Y/N punches him.

“Did you notice the strawberry birthmark on her belly?”

Y/N pondered for a moment, “Yeah, right next to her outie belly button-“

She stopped talking, beaming down at Erik with her wide mocha eyes twinkling, “She has the same birthmark as me! In the same place!”

“See,” Erik pulled Y/N’s legs around so she can straddle him. He really just wanted to wrap his arms around her waist. All that baby weight on her felt good sitting over his crotch, “Now tell me she don’t favor you again and watch I give mommy an ass whipping to remember.”

“I promise, I won’t say it any more,” She held up her pinky before wrapping it around his pinky, “I swear.”

“Good girl,” Erik kissed Y/N’s neck before pulling on the front of her top, “Can I get some of mama’s milk now?”

[lemonsandstrawberries]

His Rock

fandom: Stony (Steve x Tony), Avengers,

summary: Steve and Tony are waiting for their first child to be born, and Steve has more and more doubts. 

length: 1 088 words

warning: mpreg, pregnant!Tony

a/n: this prompt! I realized I didn’t post any pregnant!Tony in a while and some of you might miss it, so here it is. hope you like it, comments, reblogs and likes are needed and welcomed :D (also, tell me if you want more pregnant!Tony or maybe superfamily!)

—————–

His Rock

The clouds were passing lazily on the blue sky. It was a lazy, sunny day, and it brought a sense of calm and serenity.

It was the exact opposite of what was happening in Steve's head.

Steve tapped his fingers on the window sill, observing the calm weather outside. He found himself hating the beautiful weather and wishing for a storm or raging rain, something to reflect his mood. If he had to compare this feeling to any other he experienced, he would say that it was like plunging the airplane into the ocean all over again. But unlike then, he did that only once and lost consciousness, here he was emerging back to the surface, and then diving again, experiencing overwhelming fear over and over again.

Tony's pregnancy came as a shock to all, especially to Tony and Steve. While Tony's reactions were purely dictated by fear and lack of logic in the occurrence, Steve was just delighted. He loved Tony with all his heart and soul and deep down wished to one day have a family with his snarky boyfriend. Adoption by the same-sex couples was not uncommon, but deep down, there was some grain of regret in him that it won't happen in the 'traditional' way. No midnight cravings, morning sicknesses, no first kick and that funny thing, when pregnant person's belly button pops out to let the skin stretch further for the growing baby. In some weird, miraculous way, they both had a chance to experience all of it. Steve was sure it would be a wonderful time for them both.

And it was. Up to a point.

It was nice to stroke Tony's pregnant belly and play with the protruding outie and talk to the baby, and kiss Tony's doubts away, reassuring him about their love and what a happy family they would be. It was nice to change the guest room into the baby room, and fill it with white furniture and pastel colors and a cute baby bed, and a lot of soft toys. It wasn't so nice anymore when during the baby shower, Steve saw all the presents their friend's brought, like electric nannies, boppy pillows for nursing time and baby clothes and small boots, the baby would soon grow out of, and the truth hit him.

He was going to be a father.

Not only of an adorable baby but then a babbling toddler, a curious child, a raging teenager and then an independent adult.

A person he would have to guide through their life, protecting them from harm and encouraging to grow and develop.

And he was so not ready.

It was a huge responsibility. Overwhelming. How he could ever think that he was fit to be a father? He grew up in different times and had no clue about modern parenting or the threats the baby would face. Back in his days, parents had to make sure their kids didn't catch polio, and from there it was smooth sailing. And here, he was hearing all the time about pollution, threats of plastic, genetically modified vegetables and fruits, and their baby would be born with polio, and have twelve fingers because of microwave radiation-

"Steve?"

The crazy train of thoughts stopped when he heard his name. Steve turned around from the window and saw his boyfriend standing in the door.

"Did something happen?" he asked, already sounding alarmed. He would throw all the microwaves out of the Avengers Tower. Just in case.

"No," Tony soothed, leaning his head to the side and looking at the other man closely, clearly analyzing him. "You look pale."

'And you look gorgeous', was what Steve thought, but didn't say out loud. Tony was standing straight, with feet put apart a bit more than usual, to better support his pregnant belly on top of which he lied his hands. His hair became thicker and darker, and Tony had a pink hairband on his forehead to keep the locks from falling on his face. Even his eyelashes became longer and fuller, and there was some divine glow to his skin. It was true what they said about pregnant people and Tony looked just stunning.

"You need to stop worrying," Tony said, waddling to his boyfriend and taking Steve's hand in his. There was such calm and peace radiating out of him, it was almost shocking.

"I am not worr-" Steve planned to lie, not wanting to upset the other man, but he went silent when instead of holding Steve's hand, Tony placed it in the middle of the baby bump. He could feel the little person moving inside and it took his breath away.

Tony smiled, feeling the baby's movement and the way they were drawn to the place Steve's hand was. Almost as if sensing their papa.

"You will be a great father," Tony soothed, eyes focused on his bump. "You are a great person and a great boyfriend, why wouldn't you be a great dad?"

The words broke something in Steve. He remembered one of the very first conversations they had after learning that Tony was pregnant, one in the middle of the night, when Tony couldn't sleep and cried his eyes out because of fear and doubts.

'Hey,' Steve said, pulling Tony's hands away from his face and framing it with his own. 'Look at me. You are a wonderful person and you are a wonderful boyfriend. You will be a wonderful parent, I have no doubts about it.'

It was such an easy psychological trick to use his own words against him, but Steve knew that they came out of a place of love and truth. He got down on his knees and pressed his cheek to the baby bump, wrapping arms around Tony's waist, feeling the warm skin and the baby inside, safe and sound, waiting to be delivered to this world and needing all the love and support he could give.

It was his baby, and he would love them with all his heart.

"I will take care of you. Of both of you," Steve promised, holding the two most important people in his life. No more freakouts, no more doubts. He had to be strong and show what he was made of.

"I know you will," Tony agreed, carding his hand through Steve's blond hair. "I didn't doubt you for a second," he smiled. If there was one thing he knew about Steve, it was that when he set his mind on something, he always achieved that.

[fyrapartnersearch]

M// lookin for friendly folks and detailed rp's!

Hello!! My name is Luka, I'm a 22 yo Mexican trans guy in California, and im looking for more friends and creative ventures!! I'm pretty shy at first but relax quickly once we start talking n chumming it up, I'm very friendly and really in the deep down of it if we become good friends I'll lament often about wanting to bake for you. I'm a big stoner and go into babbling quite often, I'm very chatty so if that's something that could potentially annoy you, it's a no from me dawg. I like playing the Occasional Video Game, overwatch/spidey ps4/destiny 2/ fallout 3-nv-4, and still vaguely enjoy the memories I have of the HP franchise. I'm a passionate brown transman and would like to find other LGBT, antifa people of color 💖 who are also stoners lmao (also mlm/single)

-Style-

I write in fairly detailed paragraphs, 3-4 with regular responses, 5+ if you want me to do starters! In OOC chat I don't care about punctuation or spelling or anything, I'm on mobile half the time so whatever mistakes happen, happen, and are usually funny. When writing, I don't mind the every now and then mistake, but i do like detailed and thoughtful replies, akin to writing a book with one another I guess! But again this is for funsies so do Not feel pressured!!! I just like a good meaty reply is all

-Likes/Genres-

For pairings I greatly prefer m/m or f/f pairings, but I'm not opposed to a well written carefully crafted m/f pair. Nonbinary characters are hugely welcomed! Most of my male characters end up being transmen, we can talk about general sensitivities over discord!

I fuckin Love romance and drama so that's where my head is half the time with my characters. I love to write long in depth banter with our characters, have them really get to know one another before romance is pursued thru coy flirting and boisterous jokes, a fun lil date or two. Chemistry between characters is important to me! I'm also very much okay with non-romance related plots, variety is the spice of life and I love writing interactions between characters who either hate the absolute Shit out of one another, or two bros who go ghost hunting in their spare time. Friendships, rivalries, families, Anything and everything is up on the table I just wanna rp so bad!

I'm a big sucker for slice of life, obvs, and smut is Very fun to write, I'm totally okay with things getting detailed, but of course After we talk about what all's okay. I like things getting lewd but I have some Hard limits, and im sure you do too! I'm very fond of modern fantasy/supernatural things, meeting a demon at Yogurtland or a werewolf mechanic, shit like that! I'm also hugely interested in post apocalyptic settings, either modern or sci-fi (think horizon zero dawn), historical stuff, regular sci-fi and horror/survival. Really anything that has several big sources of peril and drama for our characters is Great, I love to explore different settings and ways of writing the environment :) anything you have to suggest is hugely hugely welcome!!!! I love plotting and worldbuilding together!!!

-Dislikes/Big No-

No minors. I'm 22 so I really prefer people in their 20's as well. I Do like writing smut, if you Don't then I'm not the rp partner for you :(

I'm not a fan of the wilting overly emotional bottom types of characters, the helpless ""uke"" type you know? Keep the characters real with a spine.

And while I Do like historical stuff I will Not delve into racist fantasies. If it's even suggested like "slave/owner's son" I'll be side eyeing you hard.

No rape, no pedophilia, no incest, no student/teacher, no toilet/baby talk, no gore, no dubcon/"hatefucking", no snuff, no feet. I'm a CSA survivor, and while my characters all have traumas of their own, let's keep it tasteful. To explain a woe or a fear, yes. As emotional wank, no. I'm no fan of people who keep shit dark and helpless all the time. RP is supposed to be fun. There Has to be hope at the end for the character/s, otherwise I'm outies.

-Contact-

If you like how any of this babbling sounds, hmu on discord!! Luka#1685. Or you can email me at mawlocked@gmail.com! Really hope to talk to you soon :) !!!

[bronzeflower]

Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????

Chapter 13: Roxy is Visiting!!!!

Also on ao3 and part of @wipweek for my favorite wip!

“How’s my favorite little brother doing?” Roxy put you into what was basically a wrestling move with how aggressive it was, but you were pretty sure it was meant to be a hug, so you tried to hug her back.

“Good.” You managed to squeak out. You really couldn't breathe that well with Roxy squeezing you like that.

After a few more seconds of Roxy hugging you, she finally stopped, and, therefore, you could finally breathe.

“How have you been doing?” You asked. “Hack into anything you shouldn’t have yet?”

“I’ve been doing great! And I’ve only hacked into something I shouldn’t have a few times.”

“Define a few times.”

“Like, at least a hundred.” Roxy frowned. “But that doesn’t matter because I’m here, and we’re going to have some fun. Where’s Rose?”

“I think she’s on a date right now.”

“What! Rose has a date? Who is she?” Roxy asked. “How many dates have they been on? Have they kissed yet? Are they in love? When am I going to be invited to the wedding? Dave, you need to tell me everything.”

“Woah there, Roxy. You might want to chill it a bit with the questions. I can’t keep track of them all. And you might want to ask Rose those questions once she comes back from her date. She should know that you’re here anyway.” You looked at Roxy somewhat suspiciously. “You did remember to tell Rose you were coming here, right? You didn’t just tell me and trust that I would tell Rose?”

“Well, uh, I may have… forgotten.” Roxy looked sheepish for a moment before bouncing back. “But, it’s whatev’s because I’m here now, and I’m staying with you, so it’s not like room and board is an issue or anything.”

“Rose is going to be so mad about not being able to get a gift for you when you arrived.”

“She doesn’t have to get me a gift every single time I visit. I’m her sister! And I try to make a habit of visiting as often as my job will allow.”

“How is your job going by the way? I trust it’s going as smooth as chocolate fondue that’s going to be spread on some cake or some shit?”

“My job is going super! But, now I’m hungry. We should go out to eat and catch up and stuff.” Roxy suggested. “Then I can tell you all about the shit I’ve been building. Oh, yeah, and I can tell you about my new coworker who's absolutely shredded. Like, woah. I don’t know what he did previously for a living, but he is completely jacked, bro.”

“Like, he can probably bench press you jacked or he can probably bench press a car jacked?”

“I’m pretty sure he could bench press a building if it was detached from the ground,” Roxy answered.

“Oh shit. That’s pretty fucking jacked. Do you think he could pick up a skyscraper? Or the moon? Imagine picking up the moon. That would be absolutely insane.”

“Dave, my brother.” Roxy put a hand on your shoulder and put her other hand into a loose fist. “I will make that happen. I will make it so my coworker can lift the moon. I will break the laws of physics to do it.”

“I have no doubt you’ll be able to do it. Haven’t you already figured out how to basically bend space-time to go faster than the speed of light?”

“Something like that. It’s still a prototype though, so it’s not actually safe to use quite yet. But, when it is functional and safe, you’ll be the first to know!”

“Will I be able to go to Mars in it?”

“Probably not. But, you could if you got the training of an astronaut, but I really wouldn’t recommend going through with that unless you really, really want to go to space because it’s super hard to become an astronaut.”

“Yeah, I’ll just keep making GrubTube videos.” You said. “Also, we should probably actually get going if we want to get to dinner unless you want to stay in here and make instant ramen.”

“Please eat actual food, Dave.”

“I’m just joking with you.” You laughed somewhat. “I actually do make enough money from GrubTube to afford things that aren’t instant ramen. I actually have a few vegetables in my fridge.”

“Do you eat those vegetables?”

“Do you?”

Roxy squinted at you suspiciously before laughing.

“Of course I do, you doofus! My wife makes me.”

��Because you’re clearly not responsible enough to eat them yourself. Didn’t Callie try to become a ‘meatatarian’ at some point, though?”

“Yeah…” Roxy scratched the back of her head. “But that’s probably why she’s so adamant about people eating their vegetables nowadays. She knows why they’re important.”

“Nothing like scurvy to remind someone that eating their vegetables is important.” You then pointed towards the door. “Also, speaking of vegetables, we’ve just kind of stood here talking without actually making any sort of progress in terms of moving out the door to get food in our bodies, so we should maybe, probably ollie outie out of here.”

“Oh, yeah, right.”

The two of you manage to leave and go to a noodle place nearby. Because, clearly, that’s the best place to go to right after discussing how important vegetables are to one’s diet. Then again, the noodle place did have a shit ton of vegetarian options, so you were probably fine in the vegetable department.

“Wait, isn’t vitamin C the thing that causes you to have scurvy? Not vegetables?” Roxy questioned.

“Shit. I think you might be right. Call Callie right away. She needs to know so that she can cut down on as many vegetables as she wants.”

“She does need to eat vegetables though.” Roxy insisted. “I lied when she said she’s very adamant about people eating their veggies. She still politely complains every time I put some greens on her plate. Callie always eats them though, the sweetie.”

“How do you politely complain about something?”

“You eat everything except the vegetables on your plate, and then you grimace slightly before eating your vegetables.”

“I don’t think that counts as actually complaining.” You waved your arm around. “I think you might actually have to, I don’t know, say or, like, sign something in order for it to be considered actual complaining. Which reminds me, did Calliope ever manage to get a sign language class?”

“Oh, yeah! She did! You should have seen her face when she got to teach sign language. She was so happy. She babbled on for ages about how excited she was to see how happy other kids would be to finally be able to talk to other kids normally through their preferred form of communication.” Roxy had a dopey smile on her face. “She was so cute.”

“That’s awesome! I’m glad she was finally able to accomplish that. She’s been wanting to start up that class for years now, right?”

“Yeah. It took her a long time to do because the school board thought that there wouldn't be enough interest from the students, so she had to do this huge petition of students who said they would want to learn sign language from her.”

“Really? The school board really thought that no one would be interested in learning sign language?”

“I know, right?” Roxy said. “It's just, obsolute, I mean actulute, fuck, absolutely, absolutely absurd.”

“I can't see why you WOULDN'T want to learn sign language. It's like a secret language except it's not really a secret language. You can communicate with other people without sound! How awesome is that? I think that's super awesome and kick-ass, and I could honestly write, like, a fucking book on how awesome it is.”

“Going to follow in Rosey’s footsteps? Going to write the next great novel that's going to be read for generations to come?”

“Nah. That's not really my thing.” You shrugged. “That being said, I do actually have dreams and aspirations that are completely unrelated to my GrubTube channel, and, hence, my source of cash.”

“I hope you achieve your dreams at some point in the future. You mind me asking about them?”

“I mean, sure it's not like they're some kind of deeply kept secret or anything. I want to be a museum curator someday. No idea exactly how to go about doing that, but I've got some sort of vague idea how it's gonna go down.”

“Well, I spose you’re gonna need some dank ass artifacts.”

“Hella dank artifacts.” You agreed. “Just, like, an entire section on bones, and another on weird ass pottery, and yet another on how gay some dudes were. Maybe I can convince other museums to give me their weird shit. You know, all the stuff they keep in the back because it’d be too embarrassing to explain. Well, fuck that shit, I’m gonna be showing tatas left and right, and look at that! There’s a dick corner all the way over there, and a vagina area right next to it. In addition, here’s a couple of statues fucking because no one else wants to showcase them to the public because it’s too ‘obscene.’”

“Hell yeah. Stick it to those old farts who refuse to show off the old farts.” Roxy laughed, and you laughed with her.

“We’re going to have the oldest farts in the business! Everybody will get to see the old farts.”

“How’re you even going to get ancient farts? Are you going to find them in the depths of the Earth and then quickly find a jar to put the smell in the moment you get a whiff of those disgusting old farts?”

“Truly the best way to capture a fart is a mystery to most,” You decided to put on your best stereotypically pretentious voice. “But I have no doubt my team of explorers will find a way to do it.”

“Who does your team consist of? Who are these archaeologists that don't get nearly enough recognition by society?” Roxy responded in the most reporter-esque style she could muster.

“Well, first and foremost, I have my most kick-ass leader of this group, the one and only Aradia Megido, and she is, of course, accompanied by famous book writer, Rose Lalonde, who archives the findings.”

“Speaking of Rosey, should we have brought her to dinner with us?”

“I mean, we’re already basically done at this point so it's not like we could invite her. We can get her to come with us next time we go out.”

“We should also probably tell her that you're actually here. How do you want to go about doing that? Are. You gonna tell her over pesterchum or text message or something, or are you just gonna show up to her place and be like 'what’s up, I'm here.’”

“Uh,” Roxy thought for a moment. “I'm just gonna message her. So that I don't have to deal with questioning face to face.”

“That does seem to be the most logical course of action. You might want to do that asap, though. I would tell you to have done that before you even began coming over here, but you can’t exactly go back in time to do that. And, even if you could, you already would have done it because you would have gone back in time to tell yourself to message Rose. And, there’s also the issue with, like, paradoxes and alternate timelines, so there’s def the full possibility that you could have done that, but then when you come back to your timeline, the timeline where you told yourself to message Rose could be a different timeline from the one you’re in, so it wouldn’t have been worth it to even go back in time in the first place.”

“Oh, yeah, no time paradoxes here. None whatsoever. I’m just gonna travel into the future at one second per second like everybody else. Though, tbh, I wouldn’t really want time travel as a superpower. Seems too complicated. I’d much rather, like, appearify stuff from thin air, you know?”

“Oh, hell yeah that would be sick as shit. Personally, I would much rather do some timey shit. Like, yeah, it would be, like, super complicated, but whatever. I guess I would just have to take that risk. Figure out all those alt timelines or whatever. And you do your voidy shit.”

“We’d make a hella team.”

“We’d make an absolutely bitchin team, Rox. I could just do timey shit, and you could do your voidy shit. Honestly, I don’t really know how well that would go, but, like, theoretically, you could go into the void or some shit where my powers don’t reach, which would allow shit I don’t want to do timey stuff on to stay stationary in terms of time while everything else gets a time makeover.”

“Speaking of time, I think it’s time for us to go,” Roxy said, pointing a thumb towards the exit of the restaurant. “We’ve kinda been chatting for too long, and I think the people working here are getting annoyed by the fact that we’re taken up a table.”

“Oh, shit, you’re right. We should probably leave. Can’t be stealing and hogging this table all to ourselves. There are people who need to be fed, and we’ve already been fed.”

You both left the restaurant found yourselves right back at your place. You feel like you two could have gone somewhere else, but nope. You and Roxy plopped down on the couch in your room.

“You know, Davey, I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen your GrubTube channel. Care to show me a few of your vids?”

“Are you just procrastinating telling Rose that you arrived in town?”

“Maaaybe.”

“Goddamn it, Roxy. Just pester her already.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll allow myself to be vulnerable to her wrath. She will be the reason for my untimely doom. It will be an eternity before she forgives me for my slight against her. Me! A lowly peasant in her kingdom of prose, unable to escape the confines of vice. Even though I kinda did. I’ve been sober for five years, and I’m, like, hella proud of myself for that, but we’re working within the box of the metaphor, and I’m tryin to be as dramatic as possible.”

"Lamenting about your supposed doom won't do anything to stop it from coming," You mention. "Also, I'm hella proud of you too for being sober for five years. That's a huge fucking achievement, and you deserve recognition for that. You should get, like, a fucking medal or some shit."

"I know, right? Five fucking years! I should at least get a certificate."

"Maybe I could forge one. Just be like, 'This certificate is proof that Roxy Lalonde has been sober for five fucking years.' That's exactly what it will say, curse words and all because I don't know how to make a sentence without adding a curse word in the middle of it. This is exactly why I should never have kids. Can you even imagine? Little five-year-olds going off into kindergarten and getting in a shit ton of trouble because they said 'Fuck you' to little Suzy. But it'll be for a good reason, like little Suzy was pulling on some other kid's pigtails, and my kid jumped in like a fucking hero, but they're gonna be swearing up a storm while they do it." You push up your shades because they started falling off your face with the amount of moving around and gesturing you just did in that long hypothetical situation. "Anyway, you should message Rose. I'll even cheer you on as you do it."

"Ugh! Fine!" Roxy got out her phone and started typing up a storm. You're pretty sure you've never met anyone who can type or text faster than Roxy. It was actually pretty fucking impressive. It also probably had something to do with the fact that she was a programmer and hacker.

"How's Rose taking it?" You ask, wondering exactly how long it will take for Roxy to properly deal with the damage that came with informing Rose that she's in town only after actually arriving in town.

"About as well as expected. This might take a while." Roxy winced as if Rose was yelling at her in person. "A long while."

"I'll find someone to talk to then." You went over to your computer and spun a mental wheel as to who you should talk to.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: john TG: bro TG: were you informed of the fact that the one the only roxy lalonde is in town TG: she has decided to grace us with her presence TG: and we should be eternally grateful TG: also did you know that shes been sober for five years TG: fucking TG: five whole years TG: thats amazing TG: john TG: john TG: i know your online it hasnt given me that goddamn popup yet TG: john TG: johnathan TG: johnny TG: john TG: johnathan edison egbert TG: jk i know you have more than one middle name TG: edisons the only one i remember tho TG: john TG: john TG: who are you talking to right now TG: you could just tell me who youre talking too TG: or did you like TG: leave the computer and forget to say you were offline TG: that would be a dumb as shit thing to do TG: especially since the new update literally does it for you if youre gone for long enough TG: which means you couldnt have been gone for long TG: john

EB: and my full name is john edison sam sebastian october egbert. EB: just so you know!

TG: what really TG: one of your middle names is october

EB: no, i was pulling your leg on that one. EB: it's actually ian.

TG: so john edison sam sebastian ian egbert TG: thats a mouthful TG: and the initials spell out another name

EB: i could go by jessie in secret. EB: and it will just my full name's initials. EB: and it technically wouldn't be a lie if i said it was my name.

TG: in what possible context would you use a fake name and need to sound convincing enough to say it was your real name

EB: you never know what kind of situations you could be in! EB: also it makes for a great joke in my comedy sketches.

TG: what are you just going around making a joke about how your name spells another name

EB: pretty much!

TG: well shit TG: also when is your new special gonna come out on netflix TG: i been watching out for it but im still just human TG: subject to the desires of the shows netflix decides to have

EB: i think it should come out in about a month or two. EB: although it's probably closer to two if netflix isn't showing the release date for it.

TG: damnit TG: and here i was looking forward to sitting on a couch with roxy and laughing at your jokes

EB: oh! EB: is roxy in town?

TG: yeah pretty sure i mentioned that at the start of this convo

EB: i don't exactly always read your walls of text, dave.

TG: wow john im so hurt TG: not really TG: its understandable TG: anyway rox is telling rose that shes actually in town TG: which she neglected to do beforehand

EB: oh no!

TG: oh yes TG: apparently rose is pissed TG: probably because she wasnt able to go all out in welcoming roxy to town TG: but then again thats kinda what roxy wants to avoid TG: shes pretty lowkey you know

EB: yeah. EB: that sounds more like something they need to talk about though!

TG: fuck yeah they do TG: theyve got different boundaries TG: rox prefers smaller gestures TG: and rose likes to be loud and proud about shit TG: both are fine but they tend to clash because of it

EB: yeah :/ EB: should we intervene somehow? EB: make sure they've got plenty of time to talk it out? EB: maybe over tea or whatever. EB: i know rose has been dying to do some sort of tea party.

TG: fuck yeah TG: that sounds like a great idea TG: actually i should encourage rose to put into action the tea party TG: knowing her shes been lamenting about it for fucking ever TG: and isnt actually going to do it until shes pushed to TG: even though she really wants to

EB: she's gotten better at that sort of thing though! EB: like that girl she's dating! EB: what was her name?

TG: oh yeah kanaya TG: shes chill

EB: yeah! EB: rose managed to ask her out, right?

TG: yep pretty sure it was rose who did the asking out

EB: that means she's probably getting better at getting what she wants to get. EB: so that means she's that much closer to throwing a fancy party where we all have to wear suits.

TG: that might be the reason why she was so adamant about me getting a suit TG: cant be going to a fancy as fuck party in a tshirt and skinny jeans like some kind of jackass

EB: isn't that your entire aesthetic?

TG: no TG: maybe TG: just a little bit TG: but i gotta be a jackass in style john TG: i cant be a jackass at a party in a tshirt and jeans TG: i gotta be the jackass in the obnoxious red suit that you can see from a mile away TG: and also wearing those douchebag shades because thats just part of the strider style

EB: sounds like youve got this entire thing figured out. EB: but we cant forget to actually get roxy and rose to talk to each other!

TG: right of course that is the number one mission TG: unless they're already talking about it TG: roxy seems to be going at her phone keyboard like she has a personal vendetta against it TG: then we can all just have a good time at the party in roses fucking mansion that she doesnt need TG: why does she even have a mansion TG: why is it only twenty minutes away from my modest place TG: why does she keep it meticulously cleaned TG: actually i dont know that last part

EB: i don't think i've actually ever been to rose's place! EB: i've only seen it when picking her up for something.

TG: maybe she has something that is secret in there TG: like the gods of the void

EB: or maybe she just bought a mansion as some sort of passive-aggressive statement.

TG: yeah that sounds like her TG: she probably houses a bunch of homeless people there to spit the government and the rich people in the neighborhood TG: im surprised her lawn isnt a mess to protest the idea that dandelions are weeds

EB: we could always ask her what she does with her mansion!

TG: one of us should make a mental note to ask her about that TG: or at the very least investigate when she inevitably throws a fancy ass party there

EB: do you think she would buy all the people living there fancy suits and dresses

TG: i have no doubt of it

EB: well, this was a great conversation, but i have to go soon! EB: i've got new comedy sketches to write, and i have no idea what i'm doing, so it's going to take a while.

TG: completely understandable TG: have fun writing all that

EB: we should talk again soon! EB: i'll even tell you all about my secret comedy sketches!

TG: holy shit an egbert original TG: hasnt even seen the light of day original TG: it will be my lucky day when that happens

EB: well, see ya, dave!

TG: bye bye john

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

"Hey! Roxy! Have you gotten anywhere in your conversation with Rose?"

"Uh, no, sorry, Dave. Me and Rosey are having a long discussion about boundaries, which we probably should have had, like, a really long time ago. Who were you talking to?"

"John. He needed to leave to work on his comedy sketches though. I might message Jade next if you're still busy."

"Yep. Still hella busy."

"That's all good. Take your time. You are a guest here."

"Thanks, Davey."

"No problemo." You returned back to your computer.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

TG: yo jade TG: whats up

GG: the usual GG: weve been getting some progress in building the car ai though! GG: i swear ive talked to so many rubber ducks GG: so many GG: i feel like we need a rubber duck the size of a building GG: everything goes wrong GG: but now less is going wrong so thats good!!!

TG: thats so fucking awesome TG: im afraid i dont know about the rubber ducks though

GG: theyre basically a sounding board GG: you know GG: something goes wrong in the code so you talk to the duck until you realize whats wrong with the code

TG: that makes perfect sense but why a rubber duck

GG: no idea GG: might have something to do with the fact that they are common and fairly easy to manufacture GG: but theoretically one could do it with another person or a stuffed animal or whatever GG: although a person might not be the best for it

TG: why not

GG: some of us have a tendency to throw the rubber duck really hard when we are particularly frustrated by the code GG: or mad that we didnt realize the mistake in the code because it was so goddamn obvious

TG: yeah i guess you would want to avoid throwing people at the wall unless they were a complete and utter douche

GG: oh no you dont throw those people GG: you just punch them GG: its faster GG: i would say shoot them but murder is illegal

TG: also the entire thing with guns

GG: yeah GG: i love guns but at the same time GG: there should definitely be restrictions on them! GG: there is a reason why babies should not duel wield flintlock pistols!!!!!!!!!!

TG: yeah no TG: dont give infants flintlock pistols TG: or any guns for that matter TG: your grandpa was kind of crazy

GG: :/ GG: he was GG: also he doesnt believe in gun control

TG: yikes

GG: pretty much GG: so, what about you? GG: hows your life going?

TG: roxy has come over but shes currently telling rose that shes in town TG: you know TG: after not informing her that she was going to be in town previously

GG: oh no!!!

TG: yeah thats what john said too

GG: no one really wants to face roses wrath GG: shes very scary when shes angry!!! GG: :(

TG: mood TG: yeah nobody wants to be within twenty feet of rose when shes pissed TG: but i think roxy has passed the angry part and has reached the part where they are having a conversation about boundaries

GG: thats good!!! GG: is there anything else thats going on?

TG: no really TG: kind of just been sitting inside and doing grubtube videos TG: the usual TG: you know TG: i feel like i need to do something more exciting for my videos TG: at least to celebrate hitting like a shit ton of subscribers

GG: you could have a guest star or something like that

TG: you mean just like ask one of my friends if theyd like to join a video

GG: yeah!!! GG: you just have to find someone whod be comfortable with it

TG: would you be

GG: no not really GG: im a little paranoid about having my face on the internet GG: my instagram doesnt even show my face at all and i keep it private!!

TG: i see your point TG: its completely understandable TG: i will be sure to ask someone else TG: like roxy or john TG: john or karkat actually would be a good choice TG: like karkat wrote the rant that made my channel super popular TG: it was already popular but the rant made it extra popular TG: so a kind of interview with him would be cool TG: and netflix is apparently gonna release johns new thing soon TG: so it could be kind of a promotion thing for both him and me TG: john would probably be chill with it TG: karkat on the other hand TG: probably not TG: he seems like the kind of guy who would try to hide his face anytime someone took a photo of him

GG: hes actually pretty photogenic!!!

TG: what really

GG: yeah! GG: he might actually accept to be in a grubtube video GG: but depending on the content he might not GG: but like GG: based on his distaste for your channel GG: i would at least wait until the two of you have a better relationship with each other

TG: point taken TG: john it is TG: might as well ask roxy just because shes currently in my house TG: just do an impromptu collab video TG: actually im probably gonna ask her about it right now TG: granted that shes done with her conversation with rose TG: she probably is because ive had two super long conversations with people

GG: good luck with the celebrating your subscriber count!!!

TG: good luck with your ai programs TG: pester you later

GG: bye!!! GG: :)

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

"Hey, Roxy! How's that conversation with Rose going? I'm not, like, expecting you to be completely done or anything, but I am wondering about how far you are into that conversation about boundaries and shit."

"Oh, yeah, we finished that convo ages ago. We started talking about the motifs in the newest book of our fav wizarding series."

"So, everything's good?"

"It's all good."

[stevenstamkos]

cody/kailer coffeeshop au or stammer/heddy model au

Of course Kailer embarrasses himself in front of the cute barista; he sees a cute guy and can’t stop babbling nervously: about his day, about his dog, about his freaking singleness, and it’s really nice of the guy to just nod along and look interested. The barista is really tall and has a wide, sunny smile and sort of sticky-outy ears and - and freckles, freckles are cheating - and he touches Kailer’s hand when he hands over his coffee, and Kailer is totally in love.

He’s halfway out the door and has already burned himself on the coffee before realizing that the side of the cup says Cody and a phone number.

Three sentence fic