#“I am a shadow the true self!”
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cloud9v · 4 months ago
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*i'll face myself intensifies*
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relaxtimestwo · 1 year ago
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pondering the orb ☆*:・゚
Accepting the fact that the illustration looks better cropped is always difficult ( ; ω ; )
All my hard work! Cruelly chopped off!
I'll put the full ones here. They can just live here under the cut
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nitro502 · 8 days ago
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My top 3 favorite Sonic characters at different times in my life
When I was a kid:
1. Tails
2. Knuckles
3. Sonic
As a teen:
1. Knuckles
2. Tails
3. Amy
In college:
1. Amy
2. Tails
3. Sonic
Now:
1. Tails
2. Sonic
3. Shadow
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gio-cosmo · 10 months ago
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We are livin our liiiivvvveeesss abound with so much informatiooonnnn
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impercre · 2 months ago
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a-sketchy · 11 months ago
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ohhhhhhhhh “sea of thy soul” = personal unconscious, “sea of souls” = collective unconscious. hey guys did you know that persona is kinda jungian
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yourqueenb · 1 year ago
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You are so right in your distaste for Blades book 2. No matter how great things get near the end, a majority of the book was horrible. They led us along like mouse to cheese. It’s inexcusable to play with their audience this way.
I only wish more people were less willing to excuse PB’s mediocrity. The signs were on the wall for me when DLS was flat out better than Blades 2, and it’s narratively quite simple. The story told was well paced, thought out, and above all kept us waiting for more each week. I cannot say the same for B2. That is sad.
I mean I do understand why people still enjoyed it and were willing to overlook the negative aspects or didn’t have much of a problem with them to begin with. Blades 1 was a fan favorite, we all missed these characters a lot, and many people (myself included at one point) didn’t believe we would actually get book 2 because of all the bait and switches PB had done in the past. But the first two things are why I personally couldn’t overlook the glaring issues.
I can’t remember who the OP was now, but I remember seeing a post from when book 2 only had a few chapters out where someone said something about it seeming like the writers learned all the wrong things about what made the book so good, and I couldn’t agree with that person more! Yeah, book 1 was good because it was different from anything we had ever gotten before. But I think the main reason it was so good was because of the characters as individuals and the relationships we got to form with those individuals to ultimately become a family. Yet they didn’t really acknowledge those individuals or relationships in ways that did them justice for the majority of book 2. And on top of that, MC’s own characterization was inconsistent at times because the writers picked and chose when they wanted us to be a competent leader and when they wanted us to be virtually clueless for plot convenience.
Book 1 was also relatively straightforward whereas it seemed like the writers wanted to turn the sequel into their own personal commentary on religion, which is an incredibly complex topic in itself. They had some social commentary in book 1, but it was done a lot better in my opinion because it didn’t take so much of a front seat. They managed to make it clear that that commentary was important and relevant to the writers, the characters, and the readers living in the real world while never robbing book 1 of that fun adventure game used for escapism feel. Meanwhile, book 2 almost felt like ‘Rising Tides but make it religion’ at times. And that’s on top of all of the other issues I’ve already mentioned in my previous posts.
I will say that I can see how there’s usually a lot of pressure to blow things out of the water for a sequel to something so beloved, and that most likely contributed to how things played out. So maybe I’m being a bit too harsh in my judgement of everything. But I still find it very disappointing to wait so long for something just for it to be so messy and miss the mark by a mile
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silverwhittlingknife · 7 months ago
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hiii! i just wanted to reach out n let you know that i just spent the last few days speed reading all your ao3 work bc i literally couldn't put it down. the way you write dick really just scratches my brain in the best way possible. he's a little (read: very) neurotic and it just. his motivations are so clear in your work, not in the sense that there isn't tension and anxiety but in that his core personality, his drive to help and the anger and trauma that has built him, his need to always be performing and catering to those around him, it comes across sososososos SO well. he was the first character that got me into comics and since then i've kinda stopped reading him bc i have lots of issues w tom taylors run (not the point so i digress) but you have really inspired me to go back and read more of his old stuff so thank you! you have such a clear grasp on his character and its something i admire very much! ur very very talented! and i really appreciate you sharing ur art! hope ur doin well :)
HI THIS IS SUCH A NICE COMPLIMENT???? <3333 This is so nice & sweet & it made my whole day!!! THANK YOU I AM HUGGING YOU ACROSS THE INTERNET AHHHHHH
he's a little (read: very) neurotic and it just. his motivations are so clear in your work, not in the sense that there isn't tension and anxiety but in that his core personality, his drive to help and the anger and trauma that has built him, his need to always be performing and catering to those around him
YEAH IT's HIMMMM i love this description <333
THANK YOU YOU ARE LOVELY & KIND PLS ACCEPT THIS DOG PICTURE AS TOKEN OF MY GRATITUDE
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#YEAH he's fascinating to me because he can do casual cheeriness sometimes and mmm like. it's not like it's FAKE#it's real!! when he's relaxed & joking around he is relaxed. he's not deliberately disingenuous#and he gets a huge kick out of performing a lot of the time!! like. nobody is holding a gun to his head making him tell stupid puns#tim takes every opportunity to put his version of robin in the shadows whereas dick's impulse is to be center stage#AND YET!! AND YET!!! also he is also so so so sooooo neurotic#and he's SO PRIVATE and every time he's upset he compulsively keeps other people at a distance#and yeahhhh the performing!!!#it's interesting to me mmm okay look obviously all these characters are Very Very Different From Me in a lot of ways#but with performance specifically i have done things where performance is a major part of the job#and it's something i enjoy a lot! but it's something i enjoy paradoxically because i am myself pretty private#and part of what's fun about performing at least for me is that it's so mediated & so there's an escapist element#nobody is expecting your true self. like. it's not like lying exactly so much as being someone else for a while#and it can be a real relief to be someone else for a while & to help people when your own life is going badly#...but also the habit of instinctively keeping other people at a distance can be like. bad for you if you let it get out of control#and the way that both dick & tim relate to performance-as-escape is a big part of why those two characters click for me so hard#it's part of why i like superhero stories in basically all their forms?? that metaphor of the masks you wear etc etc etc#anyway he is delightful i am glad you like him too and i am very glad you like the stories <333#click this tag in case of sadness
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zero-of-the-infinite · 1 year ago
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say what you will about Persona 4--I think a lot of trans people would've figured things out sooner if a hotter, significantly more confident version of themself showed up and berated them for not Figuring It Out yet
then when they deny everything, this song starts playing and there's a boss fight
youtube
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m0e-ru · 2 years ago
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shadow selves are a bit silly actually like they’re alive for a few days and look at the camera and go “hey guys welcome back to my channel don’t forget to like and subscribe and hit that bell icon so you don’t miss out on any uploads today on this episode i’m going to KILL MYSELF‼️‼️‼️”
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valentinesparda · 8 months ago
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Hey Valentine!! Been thinking about DMC lately and was wondering if you could tell me some stuff about your DMC s/i? :0 perhaps what their relationship with Vergil is like? -[Wayfinderships]
@wayfinderships OH BOY OH BOY IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT DMC RECENTLY TOO !!!! i miss my half demon husband. it sure has been a whole hot minute since I talked about gabriel in general, and it sure has just hit me that you and most of my current mutuals completely missed my dmc era, so!!
gabriel is my self insert, and they are a collector of demonic goods, a purveyor of powerful artefacts, and they meet vergil shortly before dmc3 is taking place, mostly because their paths cross through happenstance and they offer up information for him. they're around the same age as the twins at this point during the timeline, the two of them are kind of friends and kind of bickering back and forth, and eventually when Vergil Goes To Hell, they kind of dig themself into a hole of work since they're the apprentice to the actual collector they have been working for
um to make a long story short these are bullet points:
find a particular artefact associated to a general of hell named haures, who has his own little plans and manages to take possession of gabriel gradually over time, for the most part they function like they green goblin talking to his own mask
haures corrupts them and essentially demonizes them so they functionally stop aging / age so slowly that it isn't really noticeable
they are also hearing from haures about mundus and sparda and are doing their own little research, maybe in hopes of coming across that one weird white haired dude they met before
their research brings them to fortuna when nero is a little kid !! will expand upon that when i get back around to dmc4
they cross paths with dante a lot!! and he is their friend somewhat
the whole time they're doing all of this they are like actively dying from haures and have to stay in tip-top shape otherwise he will actually kill them!! but no one else can communicate with haures so he's just kind of their intrusive thoughts
badabadaba dmc5 rolls around and v shows up and suddenly it's like they're 20 again and experiencing feelings
anyways gabriel's relationship with vergil was initially a little fling for the short time that they knew each other when they were younger, and tidbits of that are echoed in meeting v. like gabriel wouldn't admit to it and they think they're doing such a good job of hiding it but everyone they know can SEE how they act
and then suddenly vergil is back!! and they are a dam in the process of breaking!! the two of them proceed to bicker like an old married couple and most of vergil's time spent as v winds up being mental anguish and maturity and confronting his own human emotions, so even though they are continuing on that leftover thread from when they were younger and they didn't spend very much time together, it's like they've known eachother forever. like they do care about eachother, clearly, but they're overall very sweet in their own ways and completely awkward in navigating their relationship and feelings. because they are eachothers first love or something. yucky. I'm not approaching the lady in red topic right now because if I do then I have to do mental gymnastics but it's fine, we'll just loophole it
anyways blah blah gabriel and vergil are like. aggressively embarrassed in how they interact with each other, because they're kind of too similar that it's funny, but they do genuinely like eachother. maybe it's just because they were each other's only friend when they were in their teens and were both being manipulated for someone else's gain lol. and after vergil's stay in hell and subsequent Speedrun of the human existence he calms down a little and lets himself learn to love, not just romantically but like, familially. he gets to learn about the people that he left behind again and the one he's never met before (his son), and that is just. so important to me
so gabriel is kind of the only person initially rooting for him, even if they would rather swallow glass than be vulnerable, but they can also have vergil help them control their corruption and possibly use haures to their advantage because i had it set up where he was yeah, a dumbass trying to usurp the throne, but I wanted to plan a whole plot surrounding him and maybe lore connecting him to sparda, specifically
I know i joke about them bickering and being unable to function as real people but i have a very special place in my heart for vergil, not just favourite character wise but also self ship wise. im personally very hardheaded and dragging my real feelings out of me is like literally pulling teeth, so I've hidden a lot of my affections behind jokes and that kind of is also reflected in how I talk about vergil. but i did eventually open up about it and that's where the handfasting ceremony came from. i finally just accepted that i loved him as a character and ive been trying to unlearn my bad behaviors and learn that it's okay to be vulnerable, and not to hold everything in all the time
i like. rambled but its to avoid having to voice how their relationship is in full detail, so all i really have to say is that it's complicated but also plainly simple how they work together, how they love. they do deeply care about the other, and while it takes some time to let the initial feelings go unsaid, they are at their center both very lonely people who have put their trust into someone that they can see themselves in, who know how the other one feels and expresses feelings, with the addition of v functioning as an a-ha moment for vergil while gabriel has had 30 years to think on the guy they first loved - and proceeded to immediately fall back in love with upon seeing again
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browa123 · 2 years ago
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So I got around to watching Lego Monkie Kid...
And this has been living in my head rent free since I watched season 4 and couldn’t help myself, seeing as MK literally says the thing that makes his inner demons go berserk if it was actually P4.
As for his persona? Wukong. /j
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exopelagic · 9 months ago
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what WAS the normal child response to learning abt climate change actually. bc I’m pretty sure ‘depressed for at least 6 months and becoming deeply fascinated by apocalypses for ~3 years’ was prooooobably not it but who am I to say
#did NOT realise how much this has shaped me actually#also am not exaggerating when I say depressed I. cannot remmeber a lot of it but my parents were Worried about me#anyway I joke abt how I’m a biologist now bc of pokemon and that is very true but this is probably a pretty big chunk too#it’s just wild like that happened when I was 11 and I was DEEEEEP in the apocalypse trenches until I was at least 14#I think I wrote my first longish story when I was? 13? about waking up after some massive chunk of time to a world with no people left#that concept rlly held onto me for some reason. just all the people suddenly disappearing#I’m saying all this like I’m not still rlly into apocalypse stories but it is a mere shadow of its former self#anyway I’m so grateful for the conservation module I took this year bc learning abt the state of everything + the way out of it#scientifically instead of piecemeal from the news and the shit I could read abt. has been rlly good for my everything honestly#didn’t properly sink in until two months ago I don’t think that year this is kiiinda what I would like to do with my life#bc I’d always been resistant to the idea of doing conservation or climate science or anything bc historically thinking abt it for too long#has been BAD for me and I didn’t think I could do that forever while keeping most of me#but now I’m at a point where like. okay very likely I’m gonna be an actual scientist. and while pure science is cool and worthwhile#and I still have feelings abt how there’s no funding or anything for studies without immediate practical applications#(THEY NORMALLY COME LATER AND EVEN IF THEY DONT ITS WORTH KNOWING EVERYTHING WE CAN KNOW SHUT UUUUPPP)#i do wanna do smth that’s gonna make a difference bc like I’m kinda in a position where that’s possible here#anyway my masters is gonna be ecology and hopefully with a microclimate focus which is cool as hell and will hopefully keep stuff open a bit#and I’m gonna try do as much as I can next year. there’s some very cool stuff happening I might be able to join#anyway wow this took a turn#climate crisis! woo!!#luke.txt
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arcsin27 · 2 years ago
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Wario a shadow! The true a-self! Aharharhara!
NO! YOU’RE-A NOT-A ME!
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boyczar · 7 months ago
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#everything is coming together exactly as it should#everything is literally happening best case scenario for me all the time#shadow work illuminates so much#you can transmute any negative trait into a positive one#thank you to my parents#thank you to all my old friends#thank you to everyone in my life currently#it has all been for a reason#the suffering is never in vain#trauma gives rise to your excellence#only people suffering from post-traumatic STRESS will disagree#but as soon as they turn that into post-traumatic GROWTH they know the truth#if you are suffering from PTSD or C-PTSD i wish you endless healing#i know it hurts now and there’s nothing i could say that would instantly change that#but you have a gift for this world#waiting to be understood and utilized#i wish you nothing but happiness and growth#and clarity to see the gift and see your true Self#i am grateful for the things my parents taught me directly and indirectly#i have a parent with a personality disorder and another parent that is the most intensely critical person i’ve ever known#(also i recently learned that the term ‘Cluster B’ personality disorders is not often used anymore#it’s referred to as the ANTAGONISTIC Personailty Disorders which i feel like is way harsher than cluster b lmao#but it’s what psychology is finding to be more accurate#anyway…#i’m grateful to have grown up with people who were stunted emotionally bc it’s shown me how to recognize it in myself and others#i can help myself heal from it and i can walk away from those who are still struggling with it (and wish them well)#everything that has happened has seriously been for my absolute highest good and i didn’t see it in my moments of turmoil#but now it’s all abundantly clear#heaven is a place inside me#mine
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illyrianbitch · 3 days ago
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Are We Still Friends?
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Pairing: Reader x Azriel
Summary: Worried about how his new relationship seems to be changing him, you talk to Azriel about your concerns. Things take a turn when he refuses to listen.
Warnings: some wine sipping, gossiping, angst, miscommunication, friend fighting, jealousy (but no one realizes), az being defensive and blind
Word Count: 5k
Part Two
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹ 
“It’s not that I don’t like her.”
The words tasted as false as they were, and you grimaced the moment they slipped out, already bracing for the look Mor would throw your way. True to form, she didn’t disappoint, her expression halfway between amusement and exasperation.
A defeated sigh escaped as you accepted the glass of wine she offered, watching as she filled her own nearly to the brim.
“You’re better than me, then,” she hummed, settling back onto the couch across from you. “Because I don’t like her.”
You raised a brow. “You don’t like many people nowadays.”
She shrugged, casual as ever, though a smirk tugged at her lips. “True. I’m not exactly lining up for any peace medals, am I?”
You chuckled softly, leaning back in your chair. “I just… have this odd feeling about her, you know?”
Mor tilted her head, letting out a noncommittal hum. “Oh, I know. She drags Az around on a leash.”
You were tempted to say something about the irony in her words—remind her, in a loving manner, that she might've been guilty of that once upon a time, too. But you decided against it. She wasn't wrong.
You swirled the wine in your glass, watching the dark liquid move in slow, mesmerizing circles. The feeling wasn’t new; it had been there since the first time you’d met her. Azriel’s new girlfriend Selene was perfectly fine—charming, even. But there was something else, something you couldn’t quite name. Like a faint hum in the background of a quiet room, just irritating enough to notice but not enough to prove anything was wrong.
“Why don’t you talk to him?”
You glanced up, finding Mor’s bright brown eyes sharp and focused on you, the lazy humor of a moment ago gone.
“I doubt he’ll listen,” you admitted, resting the bottom of your glass on your thigh. “He didn’t listen to you.”
“That’s different.”
“It’s really not.”
Mor raised a brow like she wanted to argue, but she only sighed in response. “He’s been so weird about his love life. Gwyn didn’t work out. Elain’s probably the happiest out of all of us. Maybe he’s treading lightly.”
“Maybe,” you murmured, though you weren’t convinced.
Azriel had changed in small, almost imperceptible ways since everything had settled—since everyone had paired off and fallen in love. Everyone except you. And him.
You were fine with your situation, content in the quiet steadiness of your life. Azriel wasn’t. You knew it. He knew it, though he’d never admit it. So much of his self-worth was tangled up in whether he believed himself worthy of love. And the absence of it—of a solid, undeniable love in his life, of a partner, of a potential bond—seemed to weigh on him. To him, it wasn’t just an empty space; it was a failure.
You’d almost go as far as to say he’d become desperate, living in the shadows and watching his brothers experience loves so profound they might as well have been plucked from stories meant to inspire poets and dreamers.
Mating bonds were rare. You reminded yourself of that often. Your family was just an anomaly, their luck skewed impossibly high. But logic wasn’t enough to soothe Azriel, and it certainly wouldn’t stop him from chasing it. He was obsessive. Stubborn.
Nothing you said or did could change his perspective.
Mor’s voice pulled you out of your head again. “Speak of the devil,” she sang out. “Hi, Elain.”
Your gaze snapped up to the doorway, finding Elain standing just beyond the archway. She looked like a spooked deer, frozen in place with that polite smile you’d come to recognize as her default around company she hadn’t fully warmed up to yet.
“We were just talking about Azriel’s unfortunate romantic history,” Mor said smoothly. You glanced at Elain for her reaction.
It had taken time for that particular history to fade. Maybe it was appropriate to joke about now, but you personally would’ve waited a few more years before bringing it up so flippantly. Mor, however, had little patience for such niceties.
Elain’s expression didn’t shift beyond a faint flicker in her eyes, and you realized how much her composure had improved over the years. Then again, it had been a while since she and Lucien had found each other for good—long enough for their bond to solidify and for them to leave for the Day Court after their mating ceremony.
A twinge of jealousy sparked in you before you brushed it aside.
“We’re just gossiping in general. Want to join us?” you asked, gesturing to the chair beside you. Plush and inviting, it mirrored the one you sat on. “Unless Lucien is waiting for you upstairs?”
Elain’s cheeks flushed crimson. 
“Lucien’s still with Feyre, catching up,” she said, stepping further into the room. “What are you drinking?”
Mor reached for the bottle on the table, plucking it up and turning it in her hand to read the label.
“Something good and expensive,” she replied, with a half-hearted air of indulgence, before tilting her head at Elain with a faint grin.
“It’s from Rhys’s rather gluttonous collection,” you said, sensing Elain’s hesitation. “It won’t be missed at all.”
She smiled at that. “I’d love some.”
“There are a lot of glasses in that cabinet,” you said, pointing to the wood door with ornate carvings. “Grab whichever one you’d like.”
Mor sat up straighter, scooting herself back into the pillows behind her. You hummed, impressed, at her ability to hold both her full wine glass and the bottle without so much as a wobble.
You hadn’t spent much time with Elain one-on-one. Emissary duties had kept you busy during the years the Archeron sisters had adjusted to their new lives. But you liked Elain, from what you’d seen. She had a kind heart. She also had a sharp humor that surfaced at the oddest moments, usually when she and Lucien were whispering in corners, conspiratorial before seamlessly rejoining whatever social event they were at like they’d never left.
Elain returned and sat down with her chosen glass—a delicate crystal piece that gleamed in the soft light. Mor went to fill it instantly. 
“Can I ask why you were discussing Azriel’s romantic life?” Elain asked. Her voice was smooth, certain. No hesitation.
It didn’t faze her anymore, you realized—being such a strange, pivotal turning point in Azriel’s past experiences. She’d made peace with it, the way immortality seemed to demand. Time softened the edges of even the messiest situations, turning them into stories you could recount with startling detachment. Almost humorous, really.
Because how else could you explain being casual about the fact that your best friend had almost allowed his pride—and arrogance—and, somehow simultaneously, his insecurity—to lead him into a blood duel over Elain’s affections? A blood duel.
But now, it was just… something to write off. A distant memory, softened by the years and Lucien’s easy confidence. Lucien was better than you. You would’ve held that grudge against Azriel for many more years—long enough to make it a point of pride. But then again, Lucien had won everything he wanted in the end. He had the girl, the bond, the certainty that whatever lingering rivalry Azriel might feel was entirely one-sided.
It wasn’t important enough for Lucien to waste any more energy on.
You exchanged a glance with Mor, who arched a brow, clearly just as amused by Elain’s openness.
“Y/n doesn’t like his new girlfriend,” Mor said.
Your mouth fell open. “You don’t either.”
“True,” Mor agreed easily. She looked to Elain. “We don’t like her.”
“For clarification,” you said firmly, “I never said I didn’t like her.”
Mor laughed, sipping her wine with an amused grin.
Your face fell flat. “What?”
“Nothing,” she replied breezily. “But if you get a bad feeling about someone, that’s usually dislike.”
You resisted the urge to scowl, already turning over the guilt in your mind. You didn’t want to be that person—the kind who dismissed another female off the bat. Maybe your gut was wrong this time. Maybe her smile had reached her eyes, and you’d been too preoccupied to notice. Maybe her tone hadn’t been as assessing as you remembered, and you were projecting. You wanted to like her. You wanted to be happy for Azriel.
But he didn’t seem happy. He seemed distracted. Busy. Not himself.
And not the kind of busy you’d seen before—the methodical, obsessive focus he funneled into work or training. This was different, scattered in a way you couldn’t quite pin down. It had made sense in the beginning, when things were new and exciting, but now it was starting to feel uncomfortable. He’d started missing things—small things at first, like sparring sessions or those late-night conversations you, Mor, and him would have when you couldn’t sleep. Then came the bigger things. He’d stopped being able to review external court updates with you, even when those meetings were critical for your diplomatic roles.
Azriel had always been the one you could count on. Out of everyone, you considered him your closest friend—even more than Mor, though you’d never admit it out loud. But now it seemed like every time you made plans, Selene needed him more.
And then there was how fast it was all moving. Too fast. At a recent family dinner, she’d casually mentioned that she and Azriel could move in together—offhand, like it was the most obvious next step. Something about leaving the townhouse behind, creating a space with décor that matched her aesthetic. Azriel had just stayed quiet, looked at her like she’d just proposed the most brilliant idea in existence.
You noticed he did that. The way he looked at her. The way he’d looked at Elain and Gwyn back when they were seeing each other. It weirded you out—that tendency to put the people he saw as romantic interests on a pedestal, as though they were flawless. As though they were something he didn’t deserve.
You knew where it came from. That deep-rooted insecurity that even centuries hadn’t managed to erase. He didn’t see it, the way he wore himself down trying to prove his worth to people who, for the most part, had already accepted him. But you saw it. You always had.
And it made it harder to like Selene. To trust her intentions. Maybe that was unfair, but you couldn’t help but feel like she was just taking—taking all the parts of Azriel that used to be all of yours to share, and twisting them into something else. Something that didn’t include his family.
Still, you wanted to try. To let go of the gnawing irritation in your chest and convince yourself it didn’t matter. If she made him happy—truly happy—then none of it should matter. You were adamant on ensuring that you didn’t turn into the stereotypical overbearing female best friend.
Elain tapped her glass lightly. “Lucien doesn’t like her.”
You blinked back into reality. “Really?”
She nodded, a beat passing before she added, “To be honest, I’m not sure I do either.”
Mor leaned forward, grinning like she’d been handed a stack of gold. You almost wished Amren was here to bask in the moment. Amren didn’t like Azriel’s girlfriend, either. Maybe your family really was as unwelcoming as people claimed. Or maybe Selene simply brought out another level of scrutiny. The thought of either option made you feel bad— gross. 
“Why?” Mor asked.
“She was dismissive toward Lucien. And,” Elain hesitated, her brow furrowing slightly, “She seemed… entitled, I suppose. Especially with Azriel. Like she expected him to accommodate her every whim.”
You frowned, turning over her words. “I’m sure she was just nervous. We can be an intimidating group. Maybe she just needs time to settle in. We just want Az to be happy, right? So, if she makes him happy, then I’m absolutely fine with her.”
The silence that followed was thick. For a moment, you wondered if you’d said something wrong. Something weird.
“Are you?” Elain asked, her tone sincere.
“Are you?” Mor echoed at the same time, voice dripping with sarcasm.
You shot Mor a glare, but she only raised her brows and sipped her wine again, infuriatingly unbothered. Exhaling, you willed yourself to meet Elain’s gaze.
“I am,” you said, trying for conviction. “Really.”
Elain pursed her lips. Her gaze shifted to Mor, lingering longer than you liked, and then back to you.
“Alright,” she hummed. “I guess I was wrong.”
You stilled. Elain reclined deeper into her seat, accepting a refill from Mor. Her wine glass remained only half-full compared to yours and Mor’s.
Curiosity burned. You leaned forward. “What do you mean?”
Elain furrowed her brows. “What do I mean about what?”
“You said you guess you were wrong. What does that mean?”
Mor’s gaze bored into the side of your face. Any second now, you were sure she’d make some quip about how bothered you were. But you weren’t bothered. Just curious.
Elain swirled her wine, watching the light catch the liquid. “I’m not sure. Things feel off. Like something’s coming. Az needs help with it, I think.”
You froze. “Off? Like—how?”
She hesitated, thoughtful. “It’s hard to explain,” she murmured, her voice quieter now. “But I feel it. In my chest. My visions sometimes do that. That’s why I asked.”
Well, that unsettled you. You glanced at Mor, whose amused grin had fallen into something more contemplative.
It seemed you might need to have a conversation with Azriel after all.
“I don’t like that,” you admitted, your nose crinkling. 
“I think I heard him get back earlier. Go talk to him,” Mor said, her tone gentler now, though a hint of mischief lingered in her eyes. You didn’t read too much into that. Mor’s eyes tended to be expressive. She also tended to be mischievous when her blood was primarily red wine. 
“Okay,” you said. “Maybe just to check in.”
Elain nodded. “Just to check in,” she echoed, almost reassuring.
“Have fun,” Mor added, her grin returning just enough to be annoying, but not enough to distract you from the unease curling in your chest.
You didn’t respond, instead taking another slow sip of your drink. The glass clinked softly as you set it down on the table before you made your way upstairs.
After a moment of comfortable silence, Mor turned to Elain. “Did you really feel something that unsettling?”
Elain let out a laugh. “No,” she said lightly. “I completely made that up. But she doesn’t need to know that.”
Mor’s lips curled into a slow, wicked smile. Seconds later, her head tilted back in a laugh just as vibrant as it was unapologetic.
“Genius,” she declared, raising her glass in mock salute.
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹ 
The walk upstairs was quiet.
The townhome, in general, was quieter nowadays. Aside from the times others came to visit—like Lucien and Elain—only you and Azriel lived here full time.
When you reached Azriel’s bedroom door, your steps faltered for a moment. There was a hesitation in you that hadn't existed before. You raised your hand to knock, but the action felt more awkward than usual. It made you sad, momentarily, that you hesitated. You never second-guessed yourself with Azriel. You wanted to tread carefully in this new era of his life, though. You didn’t want to overstep, to become a nuisance. But whatever this was—whatever had unsettled Elain enough to mention it—you needed to know. Azriel had always been a constant for you, and if something felt “off,” you wanted to understand why.
Your knuckles rapped lightly on the door. “Az?” 
Inside, you heard the shuffle of movement, followed by his low, familiar voice. “Come in.”
You didn’t see Azriel immediately, but the smell of soap and the damp air told you that he recently showered. Shadows slithered across the floor, comfortable and excited, exploring the familiar confines of his room.
You greeted the tendrils as you usually did, letting them brush against your legs as you flopped onto his bed. The bed, like everything else in his room, was simple: plain black sheets, no extravagant pillows, just the bare necessities. It used to drive you mad, the emptiness of it all.  But what was in his room spoke volumes—— bare walls except for a dagger mount on one side, a small uncluttered desk with a well-worn sharpening stone. 
Azriel exiting the bathroom pulled your attention, your eyes settling on him as he rubbed his wet hair thoroughly with a towel. He shook his head slightly, wet curls bouncing onto his forehead, and met your gaze. His eyes flicked to where you lay, scanning your body. He nodded toward your feet.
“C’mon,” he almost whined. “No shoes on the bed.”
You looked down at yourself, grimacing as you realized that your shoes were, indeed, on his clean comforter. A simple set of house slippers, so nothing entirely too dirty, but it had completely slipped your mind. Very comfortable shoes, you noted, maybe you’d get Feyre a pair as a solstice gift.
“Oh whoops,” you said with an apologetic smile. “My bad, clean freak.”
He rolled his eyes, but you caught the quirk of his lips anyways.
For a moment, the old sense of comfort settled over you. But then, a thought crept in—the thought that maybe you shouldn’t lie on his bed like this anymore. It had been fine before, but now… now it felt different. He had someone else in his life. It wasn’t weird, exactly, but it was a little inappropriate.
You sat up straighter.
“Did you and Mor grow tired of rehashing the same centuries old gossip?” He teased.
You snorted, watching as his shadows flitted above his shoulders. They were amused, laughing in their own way. “Never,” you responded, pushing yourself off his bed. You were drawn to the otherside of his room, to the simple dresser against the wall. “Elain joined us this time.”
Your back was to him, but you had a feeling that the momentary silence, the stillness that you felt, was a knee-jerk reaction from Azriel—something reminiscent of embarrassment, shame, or guilt at her name. But all he responded was, “Oh?”
“I like her,” you said, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “I kinda wish I spent more time with her…”
You paused, your words trailing off quietly as you took in the small details before you. 
Azriel’s dresser had always been the one surface he decorated, not because he cared for decoration, but because it was the only surface large enough to hold anything. Over the years, it had become a quiet testament to the things that mattered to him: a mix of Solstice and birthday gifts, trinkets you’d both collected on missions and trips. You liked seeing what had changed, what had been added. It gave you a glimpse into where Azriel had been, who had been with him. 
Lately, there had been more—more trinkets, more oddities that stood in stark contrast to the weapons displayed elsewhere, the ones mostly hidden away in his closet. A macaroni necklace from Nyx. A horribly made clay version of him you’d created during a drunken pottery night with Feyre, Mor, and Amren.
But now, the dresser was foreign. The once familiar surface had been wiped clean, replaced by delicate perfume bottles, jewelry that looked too fine to be his, and a candle that smelled—oddly—like the puke of a flower faerie. Some of it was new. Most of it was hers.
Azriel’s presence had vanished from his own furniture entirely.
“Huh.”
“What?” Azriel asked.
You glanced over your shoulder. “I see you’ve decorated more.”
Azriel tilted his head, and a few of his shadows slithered down his body, crossing the room to pool around your ankles. “I guess,” he said. “Selene said my room needed more life.”
You leaned forward, brushing your fingers along the ceramic jewelry dish, the cool surface sending a strange chill through your skin. The shadows flickered over your hand, almost as if they were inspecting it too. They moved with purpose, then slowly obscured it, hiding it from view.
You frowned, confused.
Azriel, still silent, was rifling through his closet. You could feel the weight of his eyes on you as he moved, but he said nothing. The shadows returned to his side as you turned to look at him.
"Are you going somewhere?" you asked, trying to break the silence.
Now, Azriel barely spared you a glance.
“Yeah. Meeting Selene,” he replied simply.
After a few seconds of silence, Azriel turned his head and properly held your gaze. “Why? Everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah,” you responded with a casual wave of your hand, but Elain’s words echoed in your mind. You cleared your throat. “Well, actually, no. I was hoping I could talk to you.”
He frowned, standing up straighter, his wings flexing with the motion. “Is it something serious?”
You paused, carefully filtering through your words. “No, just something that’s been on my mind.”
Azriel studied you, doubt flickering in his hazel eyes. It was the kind of look that always made you feel like he was reading you too easily. He probably didn’t believe you, not entirely—but he nodded anyway. His lips curved into a small, apologetic smile. “Raincheck then?”
You mirrored his smile, though it felt thin. “Yeah, sure. We can talk tomorrow, once we’re back from the Hewn City.”
Azriel stilled. The way his gaze dropped to the floor and lingered felt like a guilty dog, an animal caught in an act forbidden. “Shit,” he said, his tone cautious. “I can’t go.”
You blinked, the words taking a moment to settle. “Seriously? Az, Rhys is expecting an update.”
“I’m sorry.” He sounded sincere enough. It didn’t matter. “But you can handle it on your own, you know this.” 
“Are you serious?” you said, the hurt slipping out before you could stop it. “I don’t want to deal with Keir alone.”
Azriel sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll talk to Rhys, but Selene’s been wanting to—”
“Never mind,” you cut him off, shaking your head. You forced a smile. “Have fun tonight. And tomorrow.”
Azriel scanned your face. After another moment of silence, he sighed.
“Okay, what is it?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “You clearly have something on your mind. Tell me.”
You hesitated, holding his gaze. “I actually wanted to talk to you about Selene.”
Azriel’s jaw tightened instantly. He looked away, his tongue running across his teeth as he shook his head. “Not you too. Don’t be like this.”
Your frown deepened, offended by the immediate shift in tone. “Be like what? I haven’t even said anything yet.”
He met your eyes again, his stare almost challenging. “We both know what you’re going to say.”
“Do we?”
“First Mor, then Nesta, and now you.” His voice was sharp, but not loud. “Should I be concerned that the females in my life are so quick to rally against my girlfriend?”
You scoffed, crossing your arms to mirror his pose. “Well, yeah, Az. Maybe you should be.”
He rolled his eyes, the shadows at his feet flickering with the motion. “Fine. What do you want to tell me, then?”
For a moment, you hesitated, the words lingering on the edge of your tongue. Azriel had always been good at looking through you, unraveling thoughts you hadn’t fully formed yet. And now, under the weight of his sharp gaze, you felt exposed.
“I just want to make sure you’re happy.”
Something flickered in his expression, quick and fleeting—too fast for you to decipher. For the first time in a long while, Azriel felt unreadable, like he’d drawn a curtain between himself and you. “Really?” he asked, his tone tight, almost incredulous.
You faltered, a small thread of doubt weaving its way through your resolve. Was he happy? Would he even tell you if he wasn’t?
“Yes, really,” you replied, a defensive edge creeping into your voice. “You’ve been distant lately. Running around at her beck and call. None of us know her. I want to understand what’s going on with you. I want to understand her.”
Azriel’s wings shifted again, his gaze hardening.
“I want to make sure this is the kind of relationship you want,” you finished, quieter now.
The room fell into silence, heavy and still. Azriel watched you as if he was turning your words over and over in his mind. You waited, unsure of what to expect—if anything at all.
“I wouldn’t be in a relationship I didn’t want. Can we drop it, please.”
You bit the inside of your cheek. What a strange, dismissive answer. It bothered you— bothered you more than anything he’d ever told you before. 
“Az, I just don’t want you to change who you are for someone. You don’t need to cater to her every whim.”
His expression darkened, shadows curling tighter around his boots. “I’m her boyfriend. I do what she asks.”
You raised an eyebrow, unable to stop the scoff that slipped out. Azriel had never been so clipped with you. “That’s not the definition of a boyfriend. That’s the definition of a bitch.”
Azriel’s jaw clenched, his wings flaring in irritation. “Excuse me?”  His voice cut through the room. “Do you really think I’m some incompetent love-sick loser?”
“I think you stop seeing flaws in the people you love.”
The words hung between you, heavier than you’d anticipated. A small part of you wondered if “love” was the word Azriel would use to describe his feelings for her. Another part worried that he didn’t correct you.
“That’s not true.”
“It’s not?”
“No,” he snapped. “I can clearly see that you’re being unfair. Quick to judge, much like Mor. That’s a flaw.”
“Oh, please,” you shot back, “You know what I meant. The people you’re infatuated with—”
“Where is this sudden concern coming from?” he interrupted, his shadows now beginning to curl between you like restless mediators, unsure where to settle. “Are you trying to cause issues?”
Something ran hot through your body.
“Seriously? I’m talking to you about this because I care. Because Elain had some cryptic feeling about you—”
“Elain is involved in this conversation, too?” His voice dripped with frustration now. “Gods, Y/n, should I send word for Gwyn while we’re at it? Get her opinion?”
“What the hell has gotten into you?” You took an authoritative step forward.  “I’ve never judged you. I’ve always tried to support you and your messy love life, no matter how complicated. Don’t you trust me, Azriel? As a friend?”
Azriel didn’t respond immediately, his shadows flickering uncertainly, still deciding whether to retreat or rise.
You gestured around the room. “Look at this place. You’ve erased all traces of your family—of you, of us. Where did you even put—”
“Oh, gods.” Azriel’s voice broke through, and for a moment, you thought he might crumble. His wings folded, and his hand dragged across his face, the weight of his exhaustion sinking in. “She was right.”
You froze. “What?”
Azriel met your gaze, his eyes hesitant for a heartbeat before turning sharp. “About you. Selene said you were jealous. That you had feelings for me.”
The words hit like a slap, and your world tilted on its axis. “What?” you asked again, your voice breaking on the word. Maybe you had misheard him. Maybe he had misspoken.
“I told her she was wrong. But now…” He let the sentence hang in the air, searching your face for something that maybe wasn’t even there.
“Now, what?” Your voice rose, tinged with anger. “You think I’m here because I’m jealous? Because I have some… crush on you?”
His wings flared slightly at your tone, but he didn’t back down. “I don’t know. It’s just—why else would you care so much about this?”
Your stomach twisted, a deep, cold ache settling there. “Why else?” you repeated, the words bitter on your tongue. “Because I care about you, Azriel. Because you’ve been my friend for centuries. Are you seriously confused about this?” 
For a moment, Azriel’s expression faltered, but he didn’t apologize. Instead, he said, “I didn’t ask you to care about my love life.”
“You didn’t have to,” you snapped, stepping closer. “That’s what friends do. But you’re standing there, letting her perception of me—someone who doesn’t even know me—warp your judgment. You’ve known me longer than that. Or at least, I thought you did. And the fact that you’d entertain this—” You stopped, shaking your head. “It’s insulting.”
Azriel said nothing. He just stood there, shadows now curling tighter around him. 
You had no idea how this conversation had gotten away from you, no idea how it turned into this—where this defensiveness, this anger, had come from. This wasn’t Azriel. Loyal, overly so. Impulsive. Protective. 
Or maybe it was. Maybe that loyalty was directed at someone else now—someone who clearly saw you as something threatening. You’d never been on the other side of Azriel before. Never thought you’d see the day. The realization hit like a slap to the face, leaving you shocked, stunned, a pit opening in your stomach that felt too deep to climb out of.
“You know what? Forget it.” You stepped back, the fight draining out of you all at once.
Azriel’s brows furrowed. “Really? That’s it?”
You glanced at him over your shoulder, your lips curving into something that might have been a smile if it weren’t so bitter. “Yeah,” you said, your voice flat. “That’s it.”
You turned for the door, hand on the handle, but paused. The words were out of your mouth before you could stop them, sharp and pointed, a petty jab that felt equal parts satisfying and hollow. “Make sure to lock this door when you leave—I’d hate to accidentally stumble back in and throw myself at you.”
Azriel stiffened, his wings snapping taut behind him. For a brief second, you thought he might say something, anything. But he didn’t.
You closed the door behind you with a heavy thud.
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹ 
authors note: no one tell them they probs have feelings for each other bc they’ll probably fight you (also elains moment is so self indulgent bc i would totally be making shit up based off my powers. like yeah actually you can’t be mean to be :/ powers are saying you’ll die if you are)
Part Two
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