#‘wow they’re so nice and caring and sweet…… they’re my mom now’

[devilbeez]

Okay because I got into fruit basket recently I feel like the funnier alternative of “oh the twst boys all have a crush on Mc” is “all twst boys view Mc as their mom and trying so hard to compensate because in their mind it’s so weird and unheard of to think of someone their age/younger than them to be their mom” just like Yuki did with Tohru

Like consider where some of these mfs trauma stem from I would not be surprised if they accidentally called Mc mom or dad

[srslyscary]

things they’ve said

things bf!skz has said to you

Including: bang chan, changbin, hyunjin, lee know, seungmin, han, felix, jeongin

Bang Chan

; “you’re too cute for this world, Y’know?”

; “don’t doubt yourself babe. you’re amazing in my eyes.”

; “not every day do you get to wake up to a gorgeous gal.”

; “I know it’s late, but check out this track I made— yeah it’s about you, what about it babe?”

; “stain my face with your pretty lips baby, I want everyone to know I belong to you— yeah with that new lipstick you bought, it’s a cute color. perfect for complimenting my face.”

; “i have seven kids and now they’re also YOUR seven kids.. deal with it, hah.”

; “you’re shorter than me, so your love capacity isn’t as strong as mine. it’s physically impossible for you to love me more babe.”

; “I can’t take my eyes off you. you’re just too pretty— I’m not trying to be creepy!— no— Y’know what I just won’t look at you then.. hehe.”

; “you deserve the universe.”

; “it’s kind of hard to unlove you sweetheart.”

; “it’s only been 2 minutes how do you already miss me.”

; “baby all I wanna do is see you. and do you.— just kidding… or am I?”

; “my goal is to keep you happy all the time.”

; “I love you because you’re the best. intellectual wise I REALLY would hate for someone to touch you lovingly like I do.”

; “excuse the fact that we’re locked in for life and you can’t go anywhere without me- HAHA.”

; “I got addicted to you very easily.”

; “I think I’m just in love with everything you do.”

; “I love you. I don’t think I said that enough today.”

Changbin

; “y’know what we should do? go have a picnic and watch the sunset. wouldn’t that be nice?”

; “you’re always pretty jagiya. you’re especially pretty without makeup.”

; “i’m tired. let’s cuddle, kay? I wanna feel you wrapped up in my arms, I’ll know you’re safe with me then.”

; “I literally just can’t have enough of you.”

; “I’ve been looking at pictures of you for the last 30 minutes—“

; “I like you mostest— no I love you. I’m IN love with you.”

; “wanna ft and eat together?”

; “You’re perfect to me. You always will be— it’s not cheesy it’s the truth!— accept my compliments right now!”

; “stop being stingy and give me more kisses! I’ll die if you don’t smother me— it’s true my doctor says so!”

; “your presence heals me.”

; “You’re like my healing wave and my bright sun.”

; “I can’t even describe in words how sexy you are right now- you’re just- WOW.”

; “FOOD DATEEEE! YAYYYY!”

; “I want you in every way that there is to want a person.”

; “You’re sweet, and hot.. good mix in my opinion.”

; “you should stay up.. I wanna keep flirting with you.”

Hyunjin

; “I wanted to talk to you. I miss your voice and your laugh, and your pretty face.”

; “my love, you could be more discreet if you’re trying to scare me— USING MINHO AS A SCARE TACTIC ISN’T FAIR EITHER!”

; “I’ll be as sassy as I want. Now give me a kiss I’m craving them— yes I’m on my period now hand them over or else.”

; “jokes on you, you’re my number one priority right now. the boys can wait a little while longer.”

; “I wanna stay up and talk to you.— What do you mean no?— that’s too bad, you’re not my mom.”

; “you mean more than the world to me.”

; “I don’t care who he was. he was looking at you the way I look at you. and I should be the ONLY person to look at you like that— cmon love.”

; “I’m physically craving your touch right now— I just want to sock you in the face and then kiss it right where it hurts— I’m joking I love you!”

; “I always wanna be by your side angel.”

; “You’re cute when you’re sleepy.”

; “I’m painting you love, what else would I be doing?”

Lee Know

; “you literally captivate me. your eyes especially. I could spend hours looking at your pretty face and never get bored.”

; “one day I’m gonna train my cats to come beat you up.”

; “I’m gonna punch you in the mouth. With my mouth. Softly.— yea I’m going to kiss you.”

; “stop saying things that make me want to kiss the hell out of you. it’s not funny— don’t laugh!”

; “I want your lips, I want your everything. or rather- I want you here so I can hold you.”

; “when I talk to you.. it’s like talking to my best friend. except I love you and I get to kiss you all over and all that cool stuff.”

; “your stubborn ass is never gonna listen— also I love your ass. literally.”

; “I’m really just.. fucking soft when it comes to you.”

; “yeah babe. you’re really pretty. the prettiest.”

; “You’re literally dreaming i didn’t say that— how’s that gaslighting?!”

; “you make me think of a love song every time I look at you.”

; “baby, just kiss me.”

; “Sure, we can get matching outfits.”

Seungmin

; “you look so innocent but I know you’re not— that makes me weak.”

; “I can tell you so many times how pretty you are, because you’re my pretty puppy and no one else’s.”

; “kinda wanna take you out for dinner— what I’m just saying?”

; “relax pretty puppy, I’m all yours.”

; “I wanna see you drunk off my kisses.”

; “I just like whacked Han in the back of the head and he started crying- funniest thing ever.”

; “we look cute together, don’t you agree?”

; “let’s live together, I hate everyone else except you.”

; “you haven’t talked to me since 12:03pm. I’m lonely. talk to me babe.”

; “it’s not like I hate going out. I just hate everyone else gets to see how pretty you are.”

; “didn’t you say you liked these?— yeah I got ‘em for you.”

; “babe, you’re constantly reading that. what is it?”

; “wanna come watch me practice?”

; “that dress is cute babe, you should get it.”

; “You’re so stupidly cute, it’s getting annoying.”

; “babe, I love you— but stop trying to get me to buy you that dog.”

Han

; “BABE GUESS WHAT— I love you!”

; “hi beautiful, I hope you had a good day!”

; “You’re so cute babeeee, you literally make my heart melt.”

; “wake up I miss you.”

; “baby, have I ever told you how pretty you are?— mhm! the prettiest.”

; “You’re all I’ll ever need.”

; “daily reminder that I’m so in love with you-!”

; “I woke up and the first thing I wanted was you.”

; “this pretty face is all mine— mine to kiss and stare at and compliment.”

; “my favorite thing to look at is you of course!!”

; “TODAY REMINDS ME OF YOU— BECAUSE ITS HOT.”

; “I got butterflies when you called me pretty.”

; “I stay up just to talk to you babe.”

; “girl the only side chicks I got are your other personalities.”

; “You’re always on my mind, duh.”

; “honestly my mom would be so proud of me if I brought you home.”

; “you have me on some foreign level of happy.”

; “why is it that birds chirp to communicate? let’s chirp to communicate baby! — IT’S NOT WEIRD IT’S NATURE.”

; “how’s your day going my beautiful future wife?”

; “face time meeee, I’m with the boyssss, they wanna say hi to my girlll!”

; “I want you. Only you.”

; “just kiss me and don’t stop.”

Felix

; “good morning angel. sleep well?”

; “I want all of you forever. you and your perfect face, your perfect body, your perfect personality.”

; “me and chan bought ice cream! wanna share with me?”

; “BABE THERE’S A SPIDER— oh right.. yeah I’ll kill it-“

; “so you’re saying you saw a cat and your first thought was to text me about it?— god I love you.”

; “you just have me so whipped. I’d do anything for you.”

; “sunshine, can I tell the boys about you?”

; “You’re my entire universe, and whatever is beyond that.”

; “such a pretty face, can’t believe I get to kiss you and call you mine.”

; “of course I made you some brownies! why wouldn’t I?”

; “when I kiss you it’s hard for me to stop.”

; “I love you with my heart baby.”

; “don’t get jealous baby you own my heart, I’m all yours.”

; “I wanna marry you already. I want a house, a dog, a weird grocery list, everything baby.”

; “why are you staring at me, huh beautiful?”

; “You’re really cute when you’re nervous.”

; “I’ll be over in five with pizza. Sound good?”

Jeongin

; “I’m so proud of everything you do lovely!”

; “proceed with caution you might burn down the kitchen.”

; “You’re literally my dream girl.”

; “I was just thinking about you— and our future.”

; “the thought of us kissing won’t leave my head-“

; “I miss you, call me?”

; “You’re cute.. we should be cute together!”

; “stay called me a peach.. do you think I’m a peach lovely?”

; “I don’t care what you wear, you’re beautiful either way.”

; “there she is— the girl of my dreams.”

; “I wanna be your every thought, every second of the day.”

; “I text you when I miss you.. which is all the time.”

; “can I tell you something? don’t freak out.— I love you.”

; “Sorry im busy! I’m discussing future wedding plans with your mom!”

; “you hungry lovely?— scratch that I know you’re always hungry, let’s go to that cafe down the street.”

; “send me videos of you— why would I want nudes? — no send me videos of you being silly and singing!”

; “I’m glad I met you too, you’re the best thing to happen to me.”

[yulin-pop]

⤷ ✧ Nail polish

Gender neutral

- order 62 | Headcanon | Second years

Note: I don’t know much about nails and my only source is my mom.

Riddle Rosehearts

He wants red and white. It works well with his dorm uniform and it reminds him of the Queen of Hearts! He just wants the classic round shaped nails since long nails could make it hard to do his daily activities. But he actually kinda wants long nails.

As you do his nails, he’s staring at you. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. He doesn’t wanna distract you so he just stares at you.

“Oh wow, they’re cuter than I remember…”

He gets a random craving for sweets so immediately when you’re done he wants to have a tea party. He’s really impressed actually. It’s really pretty.

He randomly starts staring at his nails and smiles at the thought of you. But people think it’s a little weird that he began smiling for no reason.

“Is Riddle okay??”

“Why is he smiling?”

Ruggie Bucchi

Why would he get his nails painted? He’s always doing something with his hands, it’s gonna get ruined immediately.

But alas, you don’t care and sit him down. He picks out a dark brown and a cream color. He doesn’t really care what design or shape so you get some creative freedom.

He keeps moving while wailing “it feels weird!” He gets used to it after a while and only does it to annoy you. You have a death grip on his wrist so you can actually get the job done.

He always asking “are you done yet??” just to annoy you.

After you’re done, he’s actually kinda satisfied.

But the next week his nails are already ruined! He probably bites his nails and he most likely accidentally ate the nail polish.

He tried to save it though, but Leona wasn’t having any of that.

“Damn, please? Look I got my nails down I don’t wanna get them ruined.”

“I don’t care get me my food.”

Now you sit him down again and have to redo it.

Floyd Leech

He’s very happy to get his nails painted. He wants a different color on every finger and it’s doable but just kinda funny. He also asks for stiletto nails He’s smiling the whole entire time which is very unnerving.

He randomly laughs as you paint it in.

“What’s wrong?”

“Heh sorry it felt funny!”

He tells you the story of when Azul sprayed ink when the twins played a prank on him as little children. Apparently it felt similar as getting your nails painted, according to him at least.

Hes really happy with the end result. It probably ended up looking a little wack because he kept moving.

He’s glad nail polish to waterproof. It lasts a long time since his nails don’t seem to grow very fast (him being an eel and stuff).

Okay but he would accidentally chip it and he would cry. He would forget his long nails and chip it while putting on his gloves.

Jade Leech

He doesn’t see why not? He’s puts his hand out expectantly. You can pick out the color but he wants squoval nails since long nails seem hard to function in.

He keeps a good conversation with you. It’s easier to have a conversation with him when he’s not staring at you with a scary grin.

He enjoyed it more than expected. He compliments your work and gives you a very charming smile.

He takes very good care of his nails and it lasts for a while, like Floyd’s. He wouldn’t chip it unlike Floyd. It feels oddly nice to have painted nails.

Azul Ashengrotto

It’s a bit scary. He thinks that nails make it hard to do paper work so he wants short nails. The tweels would pick the colors and it ends up being a nice blue, the color of their earrings.

Azul tries to not move but it feels weird. He distracts himself by doing paper work until you start working on his right hand, his dominant hand. So he talks to you.

He’s impressed but still sorta embarrassed about it. He wears his gloves more often but then would panic if he saw it was messed up in any way.

Jamil Viper

He doesn’t really want to but it wouldn’t be the worst thing. He agrees and he likes how happy you seem. Color doesn’t matter much to him unless it’s tacky and he wants to keep his nails short. Long nails would make his life much more difficult.

Kalim picks the color and it’s the color of the Scarabia gem. He’s very quiet which makes it a bit awkward. It’s oddly relaxing for him. Enough he could fall asleep but he doesn’t.

When it’s finished, Kalim is staring really hard. Kalim runs out and gets out some jewelry and tells him to put it on. Jamil refuses but eventually you grab it and put it on for him.

Just as expected, it looks even better. Jamil keeps it on because he knows he’ll get pestered to put it back on by both you and Kalim.

He might accidentally chip the nail polish while doing dishes and just peel it off.

Kalim Al Asim

Yay! He’s so excited. He already knows what he wants. Almond nails with blue and red, like the feather on his dorm uniform!

He apologizes for moving around too much but it tickets. He kinda sits between your legs facing away from you. Apparently that’s not how he’s supposed to sit but it doesn’t matter since you still get the job done.

He’s so happy he’s jumping with joy. He probably would try to pay you for your work.

He takes extra good care of his nails. I don’t think it would last that long because he’s clumsy. He gets really sad and guilty when it gets ruined.

Silver

Sure? Lilia and Malleus have black nails, anyway. He’s not sure what color he should choose so he asks you. Ultimately, he gets a color similar to his eyes. You figure that you could just use his natural nail shape.

He was expecting to do it sitting up but you tell him to lay down on your lap under a tree. He complies and eventually he falls asleep just as expected.

You get a bit distracted because you see animals approaching but as soon as you raise your head they started scurrying away.

You wake him up when you’re done and he feels bad for falling asleep. Well the job was already done.

Lilia takes notice of his nails. He’s a bit surprised but it’s adorable. Now he wants a nail appointment.

[projectbluearcadia]

Wait, You Like Cuddles Too?

Mammon: Hey, Annie, what’d you say to Lucifer anyway?

Annelie: I didn’t say anything to him, Mammary. 

Mammon: Stop callin’ me that. But’cha obviously said somethin’ to him because he’s not actin’ like he normally does ‘round ya. 

Annelie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Asmo: They’re obviously avoiding each other~

Annelie: I’m not avoiding him. He’s avoiding me. 

Asmo: Then why’d you jump into my room when he walked past, hm~?

Annelie: Because you had my nail polish. 

Satan: Which you said he could have. 

Annelie: ...why are you picking on me?

Satan glances up from the book he’s reading.

Satan: Because Lucifer likes you.

Annelie: That’s a terrible reason. 

Satan: I think it’s perfectly valid. 

Annelie: Whatever you say, Mom.

Mammon and Asmo laugh while Satan glares at Annelie as she stands up.

Annelie: I’m taking an early night, so try not to throw a party. 

Satan: Night. 

Mammon: Hah. Lame. 

Asmo: Sweet dreams, cutie pie~

Annelie makes her way to her room, and her hand is on the door when her D.D.D. suddenly rings. She stares at the screen for several moments before she answers. 

Annelie: What’s up? I’m about to go to bed. 

No, resist the urge to mock. Resist. It might actually be important. 

Lucifer: That’s convenient. 

Annelie: Was that sarcasm?

Lucifer: I’ll be back in about 10 minutes; I want you in my room before I get back. 

Annelie: Why? Lucif—that little shit hung up on me. 

Annelie hesitates in front of her door for several moments before before she starts walking in the direction of the stairs. 

Well, he’s talking again, so I’ll indulge him a little and be obedient. 

She enters Lucifer’s room and smiles. She plops onto his bed and stretches, cracking her back. 

It’s funny how comforting this room is. It’d be nice to take a little siesta on his bed again, but he’ll probably make me get up before I have the chance to get to sleep... 

Annelie makes herself at home regardless. 

Eh. He never said anything saying I couldn’t. 

She relaxes and deeply inhales, curling up with one of Lucifer’s pillows as she dozes into the beginning stages of sleep. As expected however, Lucifer opens the door before she can fall unconscious. 

Lucifer: Now why do I feel a sense of deja vu?

Annelie: Mm... Haven’t the foggiest. What did you want me for? I’m drowsy. 

Lucifer: So am I. 

Lucifer takes off his coat, loosens his tie and sits on the bed.

Annelie: Is that supposed to answer my question?

Lucifer: ...I thought I should apologize for my childish behavior. 

Annelie: You? Apologize?

Lucifer: Yes. I thought you’d enjoy sleeping here. You can even assure yourself that I won’t leave in the middle of the night to work. 

Leave in the middle of the night... assure myself... sleeping here... wait. No way. 

Annelie: ...you want to sleep together? And you don’t care that I’ll grab you in my sleep? 

Lucifer: Yes. 

Annelie: I’ve broken him. Diavolo, I’ve broken him. 

Lucifer: Don’t be so dramatic.

Lucifer eventually relaxes onto his back, and Annelie rolls onto her side to look at him. 

Lucifer: What?

Annelie: Is that even comfortable?

Lucifer: Yes. 

Annelie: Don’t you get hot?

Lucifer glances at her. 

Lucifer: I’m not feeling apologetic enough to take my clothes off for you. 

Annelie: Don’t flatter yourself; Beel’s ripped abs tempt me a lot more. 

Lucifer: Oh really?

Annelie: Really. 

Lucifer suddenly steals Annelie’s pillow and wraps his arms around her. 

Annelie: Wow, Luci’s all over me. 

Lucifer: Don’t call me that. 

Annelie: I never would have guessed you were a cuddle bear.

Lucifer: So what if I am?

Annelie: Dunno. Kind of makes me happy. 

Lucifer: Happy?

Annelie: Something we have in common I guess.

Lucifer: Hmph. Do you think that excuses you for trying to make me jealous?

Annelie: Was I trying to make you jealous?

Lucifer: I know what your type is; don’t think you can lie to me. 

Annelie: You’re right; my type is Diavolo. 

Lucifer: If you want me to punish you, there are more straightforward ways to ask. 

Lucifer lets his fingers stray down her back. 

Annelie: Lucifer, move your hand back up, you little shit. 

Lucifer: And what if I said no?

Annelie: Then I’d say you’re a perverted old ma—

Annelie yelps as Lucifer squeezes her buttocks. 

Annelie: Leave my ass alone!

Lucifer: Then stop trying to irritate me and go to sleep. 

Annelie: Maybe I should leave if you’re going to be an immature brat. 

Although I don’t really want to when I was just getting comfortable...

Lucifer: I don’t think so. 

Lucifer squeezes her closer. 

Annelie: Ugh... don’t take the stuffing out of your teddy bear. 

He chuckles. 

Lucifer: Should I start calling you that? Teddy bear?

Annelie makes a face. 

Annelie: ...please just call me Annelie. You don’t have to giggle like that; it’s not that funny. 

Lucifer: Of course it isn’t. 

Lucifer continues laughing regardless as they eventually fall asleep together. 

[g-kat423]

That's a lot, I wish I could take half of all that so it'll be a little easier for you, I cannot imagine feeling pain all the time while also having other problems like looking for a job that provides safe environment, having to rely on people and then dealing with a Mom that's a narcissist, I'd be burnt out just by thinking about all of that stuff...

You're so tough, I wish things get better soon, I'll gladly be here and lend an ear! I really do wish I could do more. Also, I'm happy that you're also taking care of yourself, sleeping on time and all that? That's very good, it does help the mood! I speak from experience, also, I am sorry, my english is not that good, but I am learning bigger words with the help of online searching!

I really appreciate it! It kind of is what it is at this point. And my mom’s mood swings are so frequent that right after the incident she was acting super sweet to me and taking interest in what I was doing and asking for tv show recommendations. She’s incredibly hard to read lol. I’m mostly doing okay my neck is really stiff and it’s causing a lot of pain down my arm, but I took pain pills and im going to go for a walk since it’s nice out. The one good thing is my hip issue was fixed so I can at least walk without pain now. I’m hoping that eventually the same will happen for my neck and I can mostly be pain free. Also, your English is really good! I wouldn’t have known it wasn’t your first language unless you mentioned it. I envy people who can speak more than one language. In the US they don’t really prioritize it in schools. In the public school system, at least the district I was in, we didn’t start foreign languages until 7th grade which is pretty late considering children tend to learn faster when they’re younger. Then they only require it for 2 years so anything beyond 7th and 8th grade is a choice. I took Spanish and then was in honors Spanish, but it’s been so long that I hardly remember the basics. Even then the way they teach it is very formal so I doubt I’d be able to ever carry on a conversation. Wow, I’m rambling haha. Anyway, thank you for checking in, it means a lot to know someone cares.

[scrapyardboyfriends]

Caught up with the episode. 

When I envisioned this moment, I was kind of expecting even more fireworks but I was also envisioning it originally happening without Al dead so that definitely changed things. It’s all just a bit sad now and there’s just like...so many terrible things she’s done that they haven’t even gotten into and probably never will like guilt tripping Aaron and forcing him to leave and Liv’s death etc. 

But I was really impressed that they actually let Paddy take her to that house. That was great. I didn’t think they’d ever let him have the kind of backbone to do that. I do wish he’d just take Eve and go though. Chas deserves to be alone, at least for now. I know that’s maybe not fair on Eve but wake up kid, your mom’s terrible. Big brother Aaron could tell you so many stories. 

I enjoyed everyone yelling at her in the pub and Moira’s whole outburst but then I also need the Kyle stuff to come out so Chas can feel doubly bad because while the Kyle stuff really is entirely down to Cain in terms of actual responsibility, so many events were set in motion because of Chas and her stupid affair. And I just want it all out there. 

It did kind of annoy me that Charity was backing her up. I mean I kind of wanted her to but I also just really want her to call her out for having an affair with Al of all people after she forced Charity out of the pub because she had slept with him. Like I just want her to call her out for being a massive hypocrite and disowning everyone and being generally awful to her entire family, putting herself on some moral pedestal but then going and doing this. And then I’d want Charity to support her because she’s not like Chas. She’s not just going to be a hypocrite and disown her. But I want Chas to feel guilty about that support because she knows she didn’t offer it. 

As for the rest of the episode...

I can’t even care about the Nicky stuff because I know they’re just going to do something inexplicably convoluted with him so I’m just...waiting for it. 

Marlon and Naomi were good in the kitchen together. Although the moment she said “yes chef”, I just couldn’t stop thinking of The Bear. But I hope that partnership works out. The pub could use some non Dingle life. 

The Arthur stuff is sweet. I really liked that scene with Gabby. Although it almost felt weird for her to remember she had a brother again after being so entrenched at Home Farm the last couple years. The group hug with the teens was cringe but lovely. Elliot kind of had a weird look before he joined the hug so I don’t know if that will be anything more or not. The Ethan/Marcus conversation with him was also kind of cringe but it’s a nice gesture and I like the idea of him having people to talk to. I do also wonder if they’re going somewhere else with Arthur’s story or if this lovely bit of acceptance is it for now and just setting the stage for the future when they do decide to have this younger set of teens start dating?

I still just don’t know what to make of Ethan and Marcus in general. I just really wish they’d given them more of an actual story in getting together because when they fail at that, I really have a hard time connecting with a couple. That was half my problem with Vanity back in the day but at least they got story after that a bit. I mean maybe this thing with the creepy boss will end up being something bigger for them but also this isn’t really what I would have wanted for them. But also...was something more supposed to happen or did it happen off screen and they’ll reveal it later? Or will the boss be back? Cause that one spoiler article I read said something about sexual assault and right now it’s a little more mild sexual harassment. Still creepy vibes and I don’t blame Marcus for feeling uncomfortable but yeah...I don’t know where that’s going.  

Wow...it’s been a long time since I’ve actually posted about Emmerdale. Since I haven’t watched it in a month. Oops. 

[celestianstars]

OK I AM OFFICIALLY IN LOVE WITH THESE TWO! 🥺🥰

Wow oh man my heart is just bursting right now! Your writing is incredible and so real and you can tell this was written with lots of love, I absolutely feel it! @wyn-n-tonic Alison and Joel are everything! I have so many thoughts so forgive me for how long this ramble ends up being, hopefully it’s coherent lol!

Really loving how you wrote things progressing between them through the month, they’re seeing where it goes and while they’re both scared about their feelings and how different but good this is, they don’t shy away and I think it’s because they both feel safe with each other which is something you touch on throughout that really makes their emotional connection stand out! 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾 it’s so beautiful!

Just the small ways Joel opens up about Sarah and later about his past with Sarah’s mom and then likewise for Alison when she opens up about her family (which oh gosh I have so much to say about her going to her grandfathers funeral and her reaching out to Joel after I legit teared up reading that part but ok let me try and focus my thoughts so this makes sense dhdjss) but yeah ahh their little garden picnic date!!!! How sweet! They’re so a couple already at that point!

“He’s lit up in a thousand ways, smile and eyes both bright”

This line right here 🥺 the way Joel talks about Sarah, his baby just makes me melt, he’s such a loving father and I adore how you’ve highlighted the way he cares for her and how she’s part of his life here! His hesitation when he’s like wait maybe we shouldn’t be together because you and Sarah together would be an ordeal lmao which made me think of Ali and Sarah teasing him and shit, he’d act annoyed but you know he’d love it too!

Also love how Alison was gonna pay for the garden tickets but Joel beat her to it lmao! And just the way they talk to each other, their banter, the things they talk about, they fit so well together ahhh!

“The people pleaser that I am probably would’ve jumped in bed with him on the first date if that’s what he had wanted but it wasn’t.”

Oh she’s sooo real for this line bc same about people pleasing! And it also touches on how Joel is different from her previous experiences, cause that isn’t what he wanted from the get go, this whole thing with him is different and I like that it creates a bit of an internal struggle for Alison because it isn’t what she’s used to but she likes it and is finding that she can keep taking steps because yes the ground (Joel) is safe, sturdy, good…yeah…yeah 🥺 beautiful!

The sprinkles of Alison’s daily life and her times at work are so nice and immersive to read too! Feels like you’re right there with her, going through her day and especially when she’s with Joel, which is just a testament to your writing! I literally said “yup” out loud reading the part where Alison was telling Joel about Greg and how he transferred to peds after seeing a severed arm cause yeah I’ll take mangled limbs any day over seeing a little kiddo sick or in pain, any time I get a pediatric patient (which for context isn’t often cause my hospital doesn’t really do pediatrics) for like a tooth extraction or taking out their tonsils in the OR it’s definitely a little harder that any other gruesome thing I’ve seen cause for sure! But I say all that to say that little details like that in this story just really ground it and make it feel sooo real like I’m reading but also watching a movie play out and I loveeee it!

I also like how there’s the aspect of other peoples opinions about her and Joel, people in her life, his life, noticing them, her teasing her about it but also warning her and then Drea kinda mirroring the same words that yeah Joel is deep in the trenches for her too! And then Tommy lmao I love his goofy ass, their interaction at the construction site was so cute! Like stop why is he already like her big brother in law I can’t take it! 💕 I love Tommy!

Eeeep and ok now to talk about Alison and Joel’s growing physical connection!!! Their dinner date at the house was so domestic and wholesome and so much more intimate with the interruption I have to agree with miss Ali, there’s something about the high level of intimacy about checking on him and asking how Sarah is doing, I’m so soft at how she left a trash can and some meds and liquids out for them while he was out picking her up! It’s the little things! Those acts of care!

But man I just love how steamy things got between them, the way Joel handles her is so sexy it’s insane! The petnames, the “sweetheart”s and “baby”s kill me! Even before when they’re watching a movie and he doesn’t let her shy away from stretching her feet out and then how he shows he’s looking out for her as he always is with this line

“Or go on to sleep? I know you’ve had a long day, baby.”

🥺😍 it’s ok I’m fine! He’s so sweet I can’t, I love him sm

And then him showing his care for her still up in his room when he’s undressing her…legit got shivers ma’am how dare you do this to me!

“You tell me any time you want to stop,” he tells me, tucking a curl behind my ear. “I don’t care how far we’ve already gone, you say stop and that’s it, sweetheart. Do you understand?”

The seriousness of it, like stern but not in a bad way, just in a way that he’s making sure she understands that he’s going to respect her limits, which in itself is so sexy just the way it’s worded, I can just hear his voice I’m dyingggg!

Their conversation about Sarah putting the pieces together, her comment about him sounding like Rice Krispies and Ali calling him an old man! More cuteness that’s making me melt! I really do love how much Sarah is weaved into their dynamic cause of course it’s important, like Ali said she’s part of him and it just feels so wholesome watching them go about their feelings and their connection while also taking into consideration Sarah’s feelings and her life, it helps make it all feel v real which I know I keep saying and hope it’s not annoying but idk it just ties this story together super well!

And finally, I just wanted to say reading Alison overwhelmed and upset about her family hit real close to home, being away from home and around people you don’t really know or have strained family relationships with his so tough and it reminded me of experiences of my own and god I just feel for her, she’s such a wonderful person and doesn’t deserve any of that shit and I was so happy to read that she called Joel and confided in him and although she cried and felt embarrassed for it, he reassured her and comforted her through it, he got protective and caring the second she called and he realized she was crying, that just meant a lot to me and I really love that she felt she could call him and then him picking her up after her flight back even though she said not to worry about it….I really did get emotional! ❤️

I could probably go on forever about all the little details but yeah these were some of the big things that stood out to me and made this such a great read, a great second chapter and I cannot wait for more, the way you’ve got me hooked!!!! The talent! Your mind! Brilliant! 💌💌💌 loved every single word of this, friend!

Days of You & Me: February

Word Count: 16.1k+ Warnings: Hospital talk (severe injury, sick children, etc). Eating disorder. Non-penetrative sexual activity. Body image. Strained familial relationships. Author's Note: A labor of love that had my beloved @darnitdraco sending a wild amount of messages during the beta reading stage. All the thanks in the world to my Carlie and @tauralmie for all their help, encouragement and suggestions for this series. The way I describe his house is based off of how it is designed in the video game as I cannot find a detailed mock up of the one in the show.

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February 2, 2003: 

He’s a singer.

I mean… I knew he was on some level. I had to with the humming but he’s stayed relatively quiet around me until now.

“Sarah hates my singing,” he says when he catches me staring. “Says it’s embarrassing. How is me singing in the privacy of my own home or car embarrassing to her?”

“Maybe you have ghosts.”

“Don’t”—he wags his finger—“Do not side with her on this, I get enough shit from her.” 

It’s damn near eighty degrees today and he’s put the windows down, insisting on driving to the gardens if I insist on paying for a date. He’d insist on driving no matter what after he saw me back into a mail box. Joel doesn’t accept the excuse that I did it because he was looking at me and I got nervous. 

“Why are you just staring at me, sweetheart?” He looks over again, one hand on the steering wheel with the other resting on my bare knee. “Do you actually want me to stop? Because I will.” 

“I just like looking at you,” I tell him. His nose is starting to heal, revealing the soft curve of it. Last week, he said that maybe the missing ingredient was that I just needed to kiss it better. That was sometime after he took me out onto the patio at the bar and slow danced with me to the end of the set.

The rest of the world seems to have had the same idea that I did, a picnic basket full of sandwiches and some wine disguised as juice, and the closest parking spot is the farthest from the entrance. But when he puts his hand in mine, it’s not something I mind at all.

He’s humming again in line, my hand brought up to his lips occasionally to place a vibrated kiss into my knuckles.

“You know, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop,” he says.

He puts it out there casually in the tone I’ve come to associate with his quiet insecurities.

Blocking the sun from my eyes, I look up at him. His hair looks so much lighter in the sun while his skin turns golden. Yesterday, I found myself thinking about what he’d look like in ten years; in twenty.

“How so?”

Joel shrugs. “Just keep wondering if the whole kid thing will push you away.”

“But if it did, would you want to date me anyway?” I ask him. “Surely, the kind of person you want in your life is somebody who can accept the fact that you’re a father.”

He’s handing his credit card over for two tickets before I even finish my sentence, my own wallet half fished out of my purse.

“If anything is the other shoe, Joel, it's that you won’t let me take you out.”

“You bring me lunch sometimes,” he shrugs. “You’ll just have to be quicker on the draw next time, sweetheart.” 

Joel’s hand drops to the small of my back as he guides me through the doors, stride matching mine in beat. As I head towards the picnic area, however, his grip curves around my waist and he pulls me in the opposite direction, a small shake of his head when I start to protest. 

“We’re not eating near people, I want to kiss you.”

“And would you want to kiss somebody who isn’t accepting of the fact that you’re a father?”

He stops in the middle of the pathway and pulls me over to the side, lips crushed into mine before we’ve even found proper footing. 

“No,” his breath ghosts into mine. “I wouldn’t.”

We’ve laid the blanket out in a small clearing, an old UT Austin throw I bought in freshman year, outside a little structure made of stone that looks more like it belongs in an Italian tourism magazine than the middle of Texas. 

“What's she like?” I ask him. “I mean… if you’re comfortable telling me.”

Kneeling in front of me, organizing the contents of the picnic basket, he stops for a second and looks somewhere past me.

“Is there a bee?”

Shaking his head, he whispers, “calm down, ain’t no bee next to your ear. I’m just trying to figure out how much I should tell you before I—“

“Scare me off?”

Half a smile and a forced laugh, he nods. “Yeah.”

“Joel,” I lean towards him, waiting until his eyes are on mine. “My mom was a really young, single mother so I get it. Maybe not on your side, but on hers? Definitely.”

He scratches at his facial hair, grown back out, and sits next to me, leaving the picnic basket abandoned. “She’s-uh…” He pinches the bridge of his nose and then laughs again. “She's a fucking spitfire and so funny.”

“Yeah?”

He’s lit up in a thousand ways, smile and eyes both bright.

“She’s whip smart and likes soccer, talks a million miles a minute sometimes. She’s a good kid, too. You know? I know some parents talk about their kids like they’re precious little angels when they’re really the spawn of Satan but Sarah actually has that damn halo. She kicks my ass in video games and then doesn’t let me forget it and—actually, no.” He goes to stand up, knees popping as he does. “Maybe we shouldn’t be a thing, the two of you eventually meeting would be a disaster for me. I’m not sure I can take that much damage.”

Before I can even pull at his pant leg, he’s kneeling back down beside me, large hands framing my face. “I'm kidding,” he whispers. “I think you’ll really like her, though. At least, I hope you will. She worries about me a lot. I-I wish she didn’t, I’m grateful for it though. I hear a lot of guys around the sites talk about how their kids fucking hate them, she hasn’t hit that stage yet.”

There’s pride in his voice. Protection too.

“She’s a huge reason why I don’t really date,” he continues. “That probably sounds horrible—“

“I don’t think that sounds horrible,” I tell him. “I think that’s smart. You focused on your baby.”

Joel’s smile is wide. “Yeah, I focused on my baby… but I was seeing somebody for a while when she was much younger and I didn’t know any better. She was in Sarah’s life pretty much as soon as we became a thing and it’s because I didn’t have a babysitter, I didn’t really have money, so my dates had to be at my house.” He rubs at his eye and takes a deep breath.

“What happened?” 

He shakes his head. “I don't know but Sarah got really attached and then one day she was just gone and I’m not the kind of guy who shows up at a woman’s job wanting to talk.” 

I raise my eyebrows at him and he corrects himself. “Except you but that was different. If you decided tomorrow that you want nothing to do with me, then that's that.”

“Well, I’ll let you know how I feel when I wake up in the morning,” I tell him.

He twists, planting himself next to me, and leans close the way he was that night at the bar. “What can I do to sway you?” 

Sweat beads along his temple, mixed already with his cologne in the late morning, lunchtime sun. I like how warm he smells, allspice and vanilla and coffee mixing with the heat of his breath on my ear.

“You're doing it right now,” I tell him.

Bowing his head, he presses his lips to my bare shoulder, real kisses following butterfly kisses all the way to the crook of my neck. 

I’m so afraid of the way I feel about him already. Everything I’ve ever had has been intense and immediate, fizzling out after good sex I only later realize was bad and I haven’t even had that in a long time. This is intense, it has been immediate, but not in the way every other time was. 

He looks like an Old Hollywood actor, the kind that would thrive on black and white film. Joel has an interesting face. Far from ugly but far from the All American definition of sex appeal and six packs pushed in the movies and on TV now. He devastates me in ways I still have not been able to put true words or feelings to, I only know that I want to be near all this beauty I see within him for as long as he’ll have me.

Another kiss to my jaw, to the corner of my lips, before he grabs my chin and turns my head bringing us mouth to mouth.

There’s a giggle we share when he pulls away, the sound drawing him back in for more. “Can’t believe you paid thirty dollars to make out with me in a garden.”

And that’s it, really. That’s all there has been. It’s technically been three weeks but only this last one accompanied by his mouth on mine. The people pleaser that I am probably would’ve jumped in bed with him on the first date if that’s what he had wanted but it wasn’t.

“Can't believe you were going to pay thirty bucks to make out with me in a garden,” he responds. “Aren’t you glad I saved you the trouble?”

February 3, 2003:

“Have you slept with him yet?”

“Mom!” 

She shrugs, eyes rolling up to the ceiling with her coffee cup in hand. 

I picked her up from the airport last night but before I could even tell her about Joel, she smelled his cologne mixed in with mine.

“It's complicated,” I tell her. I said as much in the car last night; though, it’s really not.

She called bullshit and she does so again. “Sonny, sweetheart, you have never been with a man you didn’t tell me about immediately.”

“This is different,” I insist. Different and not a conversation for pancakes in public. “I was going to tell you about him this morning, it’s not my fault you sniffed it out before I could.” 

“Do you love him?” She asks. “That's the only way I can imagine it’s different.” Air quotes around that last word. 

I feel small. Like a teenager running up the phone bill again and missing curfew, her voice echoing the same words her parents said to her. “I don't know, mom, it’s early. You’re the one who’s always trying to set me up!”

“But I didn’t set you up.”

“No, mom,” I affirm. “But Drea might as well have. It’s fine, you’d like him.”

“I liked your father just fine too,” she says.

She’s leaned back in her chair now, arms crossed as she stares across at me. Her hair is a mix of grays painted through red, a natural ginger shade I tried so hard in adolescence to achieve. 

“And, yet, I don’t know who that man is,” I respond. “You’re the one always asking me about grandchildren and where my life is going, encouraging me to find somebody to build with because you’re worried about me dying alone married to my career.”

“It just seems fast for you to love somebody,” she says, leaning forward again. Elbows on the table, she reaches for my hands. “Sweetheart, I just want what’s best for you.” 

Tears burn in my eyes. “I know that, so trust me when I tell you that this is good,” I tell her. “Joel is good and I just want to keep it to myself for a bit, does that make sense? I don’t need to make a spectacle and tell everybody, mark my claim over him with public displays of affection and going down the list of my phonebook. I-I trust him.” 

“You love him.”

I ask her if we have to bring that into it right now; the idea that my attachments and feelings to him are more than what I’m willing to name for her at the moment. These might be little words but they’re big meanings. I shrug, “isn't trust enough?” 

Her head shakes, clear blue eyes filled up with worry. “No. Because you’re doing yourself a disservice by ignoring the other—you need to be prepared to protect yourself should his feelings not be the same.” 

 She begs me to be careful as the check is brought, as my card’s laid down. She tells me all the issues she had with my father, how amazing he was until my existence was known as if the existence of babies ever truly brings the best out of fifteen year olds. She says to not end up like her.

“I'm just saying, Sonny, be careful.” She tucks a stray curl behind my ear. “Life, and this world, loves to tear happiness apart. You probably see that more than anybody.” 

Recounting the day on the edge of sleep, he hums through soft laughter and lulls me closer to closed eyes.

“Your mom,” he says finally, the water in the background shutting off, “she sounds sweet.”

“She grilled me about you,” I yawn out. “At breakfast this morning.”

“You told her about me already?”

His accent’s thick with sleep, too, but still laced with surprise.

“I didn’t have a choice,” I tell him, eyes following my mother as she walks from my en suite back towards the living room pull out couch. “She smelled you on me.”

They both laugh.

“What? You had a smile two miles wide, sweetheart?”

“Maybe I did,” I tell him honestly. “But no, literally as well.”

He laughs again. “I was all over you at the gardens." Voice impossibly low. “And again in the truck.”

All over in such innocent ways; shoulder bumps with his hand in mine, large hands cradling my head to his chest. Forehead and eyelid and nose tip kisses. 

“And again in your bed.” Lower still, the way it was in the late afternoon as we laid together here trading soft whispers back and forth. “You like a lot of pillows, I’ll have to remember that.” 

We didn’t sleep together—haven’t slept together.

“Hmm, I think it was strong enough on me,” I tell him, casting a glance into the living room where my mother is laughing with the laugh track on the television.

He came in to help put the picnic supplies away, more kisses pressed into my shoulders and my cheeks as he walked around the small kitchen and washed up at the small sink. As he bent to put his shoes back on, I ran my fingers through his curls, thanking him again for the day. Joel looked up with big, watery brown eyes and kicked his shoes back off before pushing me back against the wall.

“I'll tell you what was strong, sweetheart.” He laughs again, the soft sound warming me over. “What was strong was my self control. Yours too, baby.”

I told him I didn’t have condoms, they’d expired so I’d tossed them. He said he didn’t bring one because he didn’t want to be presumptuous. 

That didn’t stop him from pressing his knee up between my thighs; didn’t keep his hand out from beneath my skirt, hard worked palms skating up my sides and back down to the waistband of my panties.

“You weren’t even wearing a bra,” he breathes out.

“Nope.”

“But I was still so respectful.”

“You were,” I affirm.

He was. Gave nothing but a surprised sound and a light squeeze to my ribs.

“I should let you sleep,” he says. “How long’s your mom in town for again?”

“Until Thursday.”

“Well, when I don’t get lunch from you tomorrow, I’ll understand why.”

February 7, 2013:

“Hey, sweetheart,” Joel breathes into the phone as soon as I pick up. “You got a second?”

I haven’t seen him in days. Between my mom visiting and him working a job in San Marcos, no times lined up for even the most fleeting of moments together. 

“Yeah, what’s up?” I’m in the break room, hard chair beneath me as I spear into a salad. “Are you breaking up with me?”

He laughs. “That'd be fucking stupid to do,” he says. “No, no. I just wanted to hear your voice. I kinda feel stupid for how badly I wanted to hear it.”

“God, you have no idea how much I've wanted to hear yours.”

“Yeah?” He sounds closer to the phone now, like he was holding it away before, waiting for rejection. “I got used to seeing you every day there for a minute and now I miss you.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” I’ve given up on the salad, it’s nothing but soggy lettuce and croutons now. The chicken wasn’t even good but I bought it pre-packaged out of the cafeteria so, you know, beggars can’t be choosers. “I was so focused on getting my mom to the airport this morning and getting to work on time, and I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said last night, I ended up forgetting my lunch.”

“Damn, it would’ve been my time to shine.” 

“Really disappointing me here, Joel. How dare you?”

“Watch yourself,” he says, laughing low and dangerous. “I meant what I said to you last night.”

I glance down at my watch to check the time, five minutes left for lunch and an hour left in work. “Maybe you should give me a reminder.” Maybe I should save the rest of this conversation for when I get home.

“Mm.” He huffs a laugh. “If I could, I would show you. Keep having to school my thoughts, can’t stop thinking of the mess you made of me last weekend.”

“If only there were a way you could send me a picture,” I tell him. 

He hums. “Or you could send me one.”

“It's probably a good thing I can’t, given how last week went,” I laugh out. “I imagine I’d be a terror with that power.”

Joel laughs alongside me, says he thinks it’d be real dangerous for both of us if we had that power. He ends with telling me we’ll make plans soon, dinner or lunch or a five minute kiss in the parking lot.

“I expect you to behave yourself until then,” he asserts. “No grabbing yourself one of them polaroid cameras and dropping pictures off at my work.”

“Oh, Mr. Miller… that might be exactly what I do.” 

February 12, 2013:

Wolf whistles follow me into the new build followed by calls to watch my step as I go.

“Bring anything for me, Alison?”

Tommy meets me in the doorway, arm up to lean against the frame and block my way in with a shit eating grin. 

“You know, actually”—I reach into my bag—“I did.”

He holds his hand to his chest when I pull mine back out with my middle finger up, head thrown back acting as though he’s been shot. “You have the humor of a teenage boy and I am so jealous of my brother.”

“Maybe you’d be in his position if you hadn’t questioned my credentials that day,” you tell him. “Watch your mouth next time.”

“Oh come on, Ali, I meant it in the way that I’d never seen a doctor so hot unless they were on television.”

“Oh my god, Tommy.” I push past him into the house, the smell of sawdust and insulation and sweat thick in the air. 

“Whoa whoa whoa,” he grabs my arm and pulls me back to him. “My brother’s gonna kill me if you don’t put on a hat,” he says, taking his own off and putting it on my head. “The neon yellow really goes with the pink dress.”

I reach into my bag again and hand him one of the cling wrapped sandwiches I brought. “Where’s he at?” 

“You don’t hear him cussing up a storm in the kitchen?”

I shake my head. “The only thing I hear is your grating voice.” 

He holds the sandwich to his heart, dimples pulling a smile wide across his face. “If he doesn’t marry you, I’m killing him.” 

Through to the kitchen, Joel’s working on a cabinetry install.

“Hey, Miller.”

He practically melts as he turns, shoulders dropping all tension as he looks me up and down. “Hi. What are you doing here?” 

Not only did our schedules not line up last week, they didn’t line up over the weekend either. I had baby showers and wedding showers to attend and an extra shift I picked up at the hospital between those. He had already promised Sarah a trip to the zoo because the weather had been nice for it and a trip to the same gardens we visited the weekend before. Yesterday, I caught up on sleep and cleaning and television shows and he was here. 

“I brought you lunch,” I tell him. “And there is coffee in my car.”

He follows me out, passing the hat from my head and back to Tommy as we pass barely built threshold. Nobody tells me to watch my step this time, or whistles like a horny cartoon, not with Joel’s hand on my back guiding me across the pathway and down the road.

A small praise leaves his lips when he sees that I’ve parked in the cove, away from the prying eyes of his coworkers. 

Joel drops his hard hat in the grass, tipped up and off his head as I turn to him in the open door of the passenger side, and pins me to the edge of the seat with his hips on mine.

“I haven’t seen you in two weeks,” he whispers.

“It's been ten days, Joel.”

One thumb swipes across the swell of my cheek while the other presses into the pout of my bottom lip. “It's been two weeks.”

“You're so good at math, how do you not end up in my emergency department more—“ 

Fingers sliding back into my hair, he cuts me off with his lips against mine, opening my mouth beneath his own. Sweat drips off his nose and down my cheek, clings to his facial hair and his clothing and I know that I’m covered in it. Covered in him like that night the last time I saw him. But he didn’t kiss me like this. This is hungry and half feral.

Joel pulls away and comes back, a kiss to the corner of my lips; my cheek; my temple. He gathers me up and pulls me close to his chest, chin resting on the crown of my head. “It’s been two weeks,” he says again.

My only answer is a nod of my head against the sweat stained, cotton fabric of his shirt. All I can do, all I want to do, is sit here like this with him for as long as I can but I know I can’t. Not with the sound of hammers and nail guns and table saws in the background. 

God, I feel safe with him.

He steps back and looks me up and down again. ”Where have you been hiding this dress?” 

“In the back of my closet behind all the scrubs.”

“You look gorgeous,” he says. “I'm really glad I rubbed my sweaty man smell all over you. If you go anywhere after this, nobody is going to speak to you.”

I shrug. “Yeah, I really have to beat the boys back at the library.” 

Laughter, light and infectious. He takes my hand in his and raises it to his lips, brushing them against the back of my knuckles. “I need to ask you something.” 

“Oh boy.”

“Sit,” he nods his head behind me.

I shake my head. “Absolutely not. You sit, you know you won’t be able to until you drive home otherwise.”

“With my knees?” His face twists in preemptive discomfort. “Baby, if I sit, I’m not getting up.” 

Conceding, I nod. “Okay. Ask me something, then.”

He takes a deep breath, runs his hand across his forehead and then down his face, and breathes back out. “Sarah has this Valentine’s dance thing at her school on Friday,” he starts. “After that, she’s going over to a friend’s house for a slumber party and I was wondering if”—he pushes out another breath and scratches at his beard again—“I was wondering i-if you’d come over and let me make you dinner.”

“Oh my god, yes,” I tell him. “Why do you sound so nervous? I literally showed up to your job with food, I’m not even your girlfriend.”

“Are you not?” He asks. “Because there are no other women I’m making out with in gardens or bringing exorbitant amounts of coffee to while she slogs through her twelve hour shifts. How’s my friend Gary by the way?”

“Greg,” I correct him. “He couldn’t get his shit together over a patient with a severed arm from a car wreck so he transferred to pediatrics.”

“Fitting.”

“He'll be begging to come back when he realizes a severed arm isn’t nearly as bad as seeing babies in pain.” 

Joel licks his lips and leans in for another kiss and then another and then one more. Small pecks against my lips as he gently cradles the crown of my head, holding to me to him like he’s afraid of letting me go.

“I was nervous,” he whispers. “Because I was also wondering if you’d like to have a slumber party of your own with me?” 

Dear God. “Yeah.” I try to school the enthusiasm in my nod as I pull back, his hands falling to my shoulders, but judging by the way his face lights up, I’m not doing a good job.

“Yeah?” 

“Yes,” I affirm. “I’d really like that.”

Eyes closed, he smirks. “You have no idea how relieved I am.”

“Did you think I’d say no?” I ask him.

Lips pursed, he nods. “I thought this might finally be the time you tell me to fuck off, yeah.”

February 14, 2003:

Slow is a bad word in the hospital.

Hell, it might be a bad word everywhere.

But it is quiet and I will take that over the bullshit most holidays bring. Not that we won’t see the lovers and how their nights have gone—scorned and bloodied or the romantic, candlelit sex gone wrong. But that’ll hopefully come well after seven when I’ve walked out for the day.

“Murphy,” a familiar voice comes up behind me. “Have you eaten yet?”

“Two hours ago,” I tell her, not looking up from my notes. “Another sandwich.”

“Preparation for a long dinner with that broken nosed hunk from last month?” 

“Not tonight, Andrea,” I tell her.

“No Valentine’s date?” She asks, sitting beside me. “Trouble in the honeymoon phase?”

Laughing, I look over at her and shake my head. “No, no trouble. Far from it, he just has plans tonight.” 

“I want to pry but I’m trying not to.”

I laugh again. “He doesn’t have another girlfriend,” I assure her. "He has a tradition with his daughter. They get all dressed up and he takes her out for a fancy dinner which, to a kid, means Olive Garden. Then they go to the movies. Tonight they’re seeing Daredevil.” 

“That seems fitting for him,” Andrea says. “You didn’t tell me he had a daughter. She must be older if she’s seeing that with him.”

“Um… yeah. She just turned fourteen,” I tell her. “Her birthday’s later in the year, I think. Around the same time as his, maybe, I can’t remember if he said.” 

She’s looking at me, eyes narrowed to read my face. “And you’re okay with that?” 

I shrug. “Can't imagine not being okay with a kid.”

Drea continues looking at me, that worried mom look my own mother wore last week.

“I like him and she’s apart of him,” I say. “Everything he tells me about her tells me she’s sweet.” 

“Dating a man with a child is a big responsibility, Alison.”

“I know. You’ve met my mother, Drea, I was also the child of a dating parent. But I love who she ended up with and she took my opinion seriously, I would want him to take hers seriously too,” I insist. “Besides, he doesn’t want us to meet yet. it’s still early and he doesn’t want to drag people in and out of her life.” I shrug again, hopeful to convey that she doesn’t need to worry about me. “I think we’re being smart about this.” 

“Your mama was right,” she says.

“Hmm?”

Mom had visited the hospital on Wednesday, brought lunch for both me and Drea and the two women sat in the break room catching up like old friends. By this point, that’s exactly what they are.

“You're in deep already,” she says. “Judging by the way that man looks at you, he is too.”

“I don’t think he is, Drea,” I say. “But I appreciate you thinking he is.”

“He is,” she reiterates. “Just be careful with your heart, involving kids is a different kind of heartbreak and not just for you.” 

The day goes by, the calm putting me on autopilot until after my shower.

Hell, the cruise control lasted me through dinner and a couple episodes of some SVU repeats. It kept my mind off of Joel, what Drea said. I was just like Sarah, watching my mom get her heartbroken which broke mine in turn. I believe we are being smart about this, the fast but slow burn of it all.

I can’t stop thinking about how she said he was in too deep, too. She said it was the way he looked at me. Said she told my mom as much. Maybe I’m blind because I’m in it, I don’t know.

Maybe I just find it hard to believe because my body wasn’t the first thing offered up—wasn’t the first thing asked for. Intentions never felt motivated by more than just wanting to get to know each other.

I should be asleep. Instead, I’ve been reading and rereading the same pages over and over again, trying to commit them to memory through some sort of comprehension. All I can think about is what to wear tomorrow, what to pack. Briefly, I wonder how childish it would be to bring my pillow. 

Vibrations cause the phone to start dancing across the bedside table seconds before the screen lights up, Joel’s name popping up beneath the low lamplight.

“Hello?”

“Hey, pretty girl,” he breathes into the line. “Did I wake you?” 

“No,” I yawn out. “Can't sleep.”

He laughs, a breathy little sound somewhere between relief and guilt. “In that case, I’d really like it if you came and buzzed me into your building.”

“Buzz—Joel, are you here?”

“Mm, yeah.” His voice is low, happy and warm. “I know it’s late, I’m sorry. Was gonna go on home if you didn’t answer but you did so—“

“Press my apartment ringer,” I tell him.

I hit the buzzer through as soon as he does, barely catching a glimpse of what he looks like in the small camera that connects my intercom to the entry vestibule. 

Five minutes pass. I lost his call as soon as he stepped inside the elevator. My head hurts, I’m starting to think it’s an elaborate prank of a sleep deprived mind and then there’s the smallest knock at the door.

It’s barely cracked before he’s pushing against it, allowing just enough space to slide his body through and against mine as he closes it behind him. Large hand flat across the small of my back, his arm squeezes around my body as he opens my mouth beneath his to grant his own tongue access.

Something’s dropped onto the small table next to us, the catchall container of coins and keys and business cards full beside it, and he grabs my hip with his now free hand—squeezing and groaning into me.

Pressing against his chest, I push the smallest bit of space between us. “Wait… Joel—“

“Yeah?” 

He pushes my hair back now, tucking an errant curl behind my ear before rubbing across the spit slick pout of my bottom lip with his thumb. 

“Where's Sarah?”

“She's asleep in the truck with Tommy,” he tells me, lips pressing into mine again. “He went to the movies with us, said he’d watch her while I came up here real quick.”

“You wanted to see me that bad?” I ask him, sweeping the tip of my thumb below one tired eye. “Just couldn’t wait for tomorrow then?”

“No, I really couldn’t.” He presses another kiss into my lips and then another. “I gotta go though,” he continues, doorknob already twisting in his hand. “If I stay any longer, I’ll end up not leaving. Do you understand?”

It’s the tone of his voice when he asks me if I understand, low and stern; tossing diesel onto the half built fire in my belly. All I can do is nod and he kisses me again—hard—before pulling away and walking back out the door.

Gently clicking back into place, I hold there at the door, hands and legs both a little shaky in the same way he’d left me that afternoon and the other day outside his work. There’s the surprise of it all, too, in the lit up nerves just beneath my skin, and no steadying breath is pushing my newfound wakefulness away. 

Locking the door, finally, I turn back towards the bedroom and my eye catches on what he left beside my keys.

Several small, orange roses sit on the entryway table wrapped in clear cellophane. 

February 15, 2003:

Oh God. Oh God.

His neighborhood is cute; quiet and tucked away just shy of the city in the south of Austin. 

The sun’s already far gone but the house is bright, lights on in the windows of the downstairs and I can see him moving around the living room through the sheer curtain he’s not yet closed for the evening.

Car’s parked on the street, hugging the curb that serves as barrier between his yard and the rest of the world. He told me he didn’t have a dog, that Sarah had been wanting one, and, really, that’s a shame. I know he’s busy, Sarah’s got soccer and school, but this yard was meant for dogs.

Drawing closer, I catch the swing on the porch as well as the small table with two chairs, and realize that the curtains aren’t just open—the window is too. Music filters out and into the open air, the sound of Stevie Nicks barely audible above the hum of a vacuum and his own singing. I almost—almost—don’t want to interrupt him. Just sit here and listen to him go about life like this.

He told me where the spare key is, told me to go ahead and let myself in when I arrived, but something felt strange about that; a strange, young woman with a duffel bag letting herself into a random house on the street. No, that wouldn’t go over poorly at all. Then again, there’s also the optics of Joel Miller standing at the door welcoming a strange, young woman with a duffel bag to his home. Whether it’s a shot gun for suspected trespassing or gossip about the single dad and his lady caller, I can practically feel the the neighbors’ eyes all on me.

Eyeing the Lone Star decoration—where the key lives—nailed to the wall beside the door, I weigh my options, take a deep breath and press the doorbell in.

Nothing happens.

No sound above the vacuuming or the singing or the music.

I try again.

Nothing. Again.

Making a fist, I bring it up to knock. The vacuum cuts on the third hit followed by the door opening and Joel standing in the frame, silhouetted by the light behind him and lit up by the one outside. 

The sleeves of his worn, plaid button up shirt are pushed up to his elbows with one button undone at the neck, exposing both his thick forearms and the defined column of his throat. His short hair is a mess, no doubt tugged between his fingers as he ran his hands through the curls again and again.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he says, large hands wrapping around my forearms and pulling me forward into the space. “You’re early”—he checks his watch—“I had you pinged for fifteen minutes from now.”

"One of the night nurses came in early and I hauled ass out of there,” I tell him.

The living room is huge, housing a large, worn, brown leather couch across from the television, with an armchair to the side and a dining table directly behind that.

Weight comes out of my hand, Joel’s fingers brushing against my palm to take my bag from me, and he kisses my temple. 

“Should we go for the tour?”

“Actually…” I turn to him. “I was wondering if it would be okay if I took a shower? I’ve been in and around and beside germs all day.”

Joel nods, a half dazed look and a crooked smile overtaking his face.

“We'll tour the upstairs first.”

He points to my left and takes my hand, leading up the stairs. There are pictures all over the walls of him and Sarah going through life. When she was a baby; fishing; soccer matches; concerts. 

“Be nice to me,” he says as we reach the top of the stairs. “I actually cleaned my room today but it’s still not that good looking so…” He trails off, twisting the handle to the first door at the top of the stairs and pushing it wide as if in presentation.

It’s a large room, bed against one wall with a dresser and television directly across flanked by two more doors. There’s another dresser in the corner and I try to hide my smile when I spot the elliptical but he must be two steps ahead of me.

“It's good for my hamstrings,” he whispers, mustache hairs brushing the shell of my ear.

He points me to the attached bathroom, staying to talk to me through the door as I figure out how to turn it on, and leaves when the water’s finally running.

Near eight, I meet him back downstairs, following the sounds of him humming again. 

“What are you cooking us?” 

He looks over briefly and then again shortly after turning back to the food, eyes moving up and down and up again. “Hi.”

Again, a half dazed look and a crooked smile. 

“You gonna pick your jaw up off the ground? You saw me in shorts last night.” 

Reaching out, Joel grabs the hem of the sleeve of my sweater and pulls me forward with the slightest tug until I’m close enough to kiss. “I wasn’t looking at your shorts last night,” he says. “Now, with the way you house a burger,” he says, “I figured you like steak… just don’t know how you like it cooked.” 

“Medium rare.”

He blows a breath out hard. “You're fucking gorgeous, sweetheart.” 

I don’t say anything about another button being undone, the faded black neckline of his t-shirt now visible, or the hollow of his throat framed by the worn fabric like a piece of art.

If he notices me staring, he doesn’t say anything; just works his thumb into the palm of my hand, pressing up and into the heel of it before bringing it to his lips. “Let me cook, baby, you go look around.” 

“I thought I was getting a whole tour, Joel.”

“Well…” He pulls me into him, hands squeezing into the meat of my hips and he turns me in his arms. “You're in the kitchen,” he tells me, “that's the living room”—he points over the counter and back to the couch—“and that back there”—he points to glass French doors—“is my office.” He kisses my temple. “Go explore, you know where to find me.” 

I choose the office, the sound of his humming once again backtracking his movements and now mine. 

The room isn’t small. Not like you’d expect an office to be. On one wall, sits a desk with a computer, a cork board above it adorned with notes and reminders, with a bookshelf beside it. A full bookshelf, the planks bowing beneath the weight of his collection. I pluck out one I’ve been waiting for at the library before looking through the rest. 

Out the sliding glass doors is a large backyard housing a shed and an orange El Camino.

“I’m fixing it up,” Joel says. He’s watching me from the doorway, hands in his pockets and a small smile on his face. “It was my dad’s.”

There’s sadness in his voice but I’m unsure if I should poke at it.

“He died when I was twenty,” he continues, like he can read my mind. “Both my parents, actually.”

“I'm so sorry.”

Joel shakes his head, raising a hand to wave me away. “Don’t be, baby,” he says. “I went off the deep end for a bit but I’ve made peace with it and”—he shrugs—“I got Sarah out of all that grief so I honestly wouldn’t change it.” 

I nod as if I understand.

I don’t, though. I don’t know a loss of that magnitude but, sometimes, I think of a world without my mother in it and it starts breaking me down bit by bit. Andrea says it’s our brains finally understanding the mortality of it all, preparing us for a world without our parents so it doesn’t hit us near as hard when it happens.

I can’t imagine how hard it hit him, to learn the mortality of it all at such a young age.

Book still in my hands, I follow him back into the kitchen as the oven timer goes off. 

He pulls out Brussels sprouts and baby potatoes and asks if I prefer red wine or whiskey.

“Wine,” I tell him, placing the book down on the white tile counter. “Can I set the table? Help at all?” 

He shakes his head, lips pursed as he turns to me. “You’re helping by being here, baby. Usually, Sarah goes out and I just take a damn bath and go to bed.”

“You didn’t really strike me as a bath kinda guy.”

Joel shrugs. “You come to appreciate the finer things in life when you hit your thirties. A quiet bath and a book?” He blows a breath out, big smile across his face as he begins plating the food. “One day, I’d like to get a bigger house just so I can have a damn hot tub in my bathroom—what? Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“Nothing,” I tell him. “That’s a good idea.”

Truth is, I’m trying not to picture him naked and tucked down into the water as steam rises all around him. Trying not to imagine me in there with him, sharing a book and a drink. 

We finish close to nine, the dinner punctuated with a light head and my hands in soapy water. Joel’s protesting my help, keeps saying I’m a guest in his home like he wasn’t doing chores in mine two weeks ago. 

“Didn't think you could get cuter,” he whispers into my ear as he presses himself against me. “But here you are in your little shorts, moving around my house and looking right at home.” 

“Yeah?” His chest is so broad against my back, warm and all encompassing. “You like the picture of me doing dishes, huh? Want me to be your little maid?” 

“You're an ass,” he whispers, lips lowering down to the crook of my neck.

His hands are back at my hips, lightly moving beneath my sweater and up my sides.

“I loved my flowers, by the way.”

His smile stretches across my neck and he hums against my pulse point. “Good, sweetheart.” 

One more kiss, half bitten in, and he steps back, hands dropping from beneath my shirt and back to his sides.

“I don’t know if you maybe wanna watch a movie,” he says, voice moving back across the room. “Or go on to sleep? I know you’ve had a long day, baby.”

“You've been calling me that a lot lately.” When I turn to him, he’s pressing exhaustion from his own eyes, another button undone on his shirt that starts revealing a graphic on the t-shirt beneath.

“Do you hate it?” He asks.

“I never said that, sweetheart.” 

Dimple pulling the corner of his lips up, he laughs. “You sure do think you’re funny, Alison. Why don’t you pick out a movie,” he suggests. “I'll make us some coffee.” 

Despite being made fun of, it takes me five seconds looking through the options to put on Jurassic Park and tuck myself neatly into the couch to watch Joel work across the room. 

He keeps adjusting his sleeves, staring down at the coffee maker as if willing it to brew faster. 

I’ve never looked at him like this—seen him like this. In his element, mindlessly stretching and scratching at the exposed lower belly as he yawns through the exhaustion of his body and mind. 

“Sarah's been drinking coffee lately,” he turns towards me. “It’s mostly creamer, because I’m trying to curb addiction, but we have it if you want it”—he holds the bottle up, gives it a shake as if in presentation—“it’s hazelnut.”  

He walks over soon after, cup in one hand with the creamer in the other. “This beige enough for you?”

It is and I know I won’t even drink much of it but it’s something comforting for the nerves I have just beneath this surface level calm.

Years have gone by since I’ve slept next to somebody; crawled in bed beside their warm body and fell easily into sleep. I don’t even know why I’m nervous, I feel safe enough with him that I know it’ll be easier than all the times before. 

“You better be glad I like you a whole lot,” he says, sitting beside me. “Corner of the couch is usually mine.” 

“I need an armrest.”

“Damn, baby,” he breathes out while he places one warm hand on my knee and leans. “So do I.” 

There’s that shared comfort again, that familiarity in a close space with one another.

Not long through the movie, I start to stretch my legs out before thinking better of it and tucking them back under myself.

“No,” he says, shaking his head and taking my coffee from me. “Turn towards me and lay back.”

I watch as he puts our cups on the table and leans back again, gripping into my knee and pulling it towards him. “Baby, turn towards me and lay back, you can stretch out that way.”

Once I’m settled with my feet in his lap, he asks me if I’m cold.

Releasing the breath I was holding, I shake my head. Cold’s not something I can be with heat radiating through my body from the epicenter of where his hand lays on my leg. “I like this view a whole lot more than that one,” I say, pointing over at the television.

Red and angry as it is, the stitches are almost fully dissolved in the cut across his nose finally revealing the smooth, subtle curve of it. He shaved as well, not by much—just a trim to clean it all up—but it exposes more of that strong jawline I’ve only felt beneath my hands. Must’ve been too distracted by the humming and the forearms to notice.

He laughs, large hand curving around my knee again. “Watch your dinosaurs, pretty girl, not me.” 

The weight of his hand is almost different now, like he’s putting more behind the small grip he has on me and I’m hyperaware of it—aware of every minuscule centimeter it moves up my leg.

All I keep thinking about is the timbre of his voice last night asking me if I understood him. That if he stayed any longer, he’d stay all night. I barely slept, moved through the day like a caffeine addicted zombie. 

Now I’m the one staying the night and his half shot nerves seem to be taking over all that confidence he used to push past my door and into my mouth.

Every time I look at him, he looks back at the television, the smallest of smirks on his face, but his hand moves higher still. His grip tightens on my inner thigh when I stretch, raised arms and arched back pushing my chest out.

Laughter. I catch him shaking his head out of the corner of my eye while his thumb runs across his lower lip. “Fuck.” 

Halfway turned to him again, he pushes himself up and my legs apart—laying himself between them and on top of me.

“This is what we both really want to be doing, isn’t it?”

The nod of my head is stopped by his grip around my chin, mouth opening easily beneath his as he presses the flat of his tongue down against mine. 

Sound tunes out to nothing, all I can hear is Joel’s heavy breaths mixed in with mine as his hips push down. 

“I asked you if you wanted to go on up to bed,” he whispers into my neck as he maneuvers my head to the side for access. “We could’ve been doing this.”

“Actu—oh—actually, you asked me if I wanted to go on up to sleep,” I tell him. “That's a much different question, Joel, and I wanted to—“

His hips bear down against my center and I know how uncomfortable he must be, how tight those dark blue jeans must feel right now.

“You wanted to what, baby?” There’s a half mocking tone in his voice, like he already knows how wet I am and he’s just trying to get me to admit it. “Hmm?” 

“I wanted to spend time with you.”

Grabbing my hand, he pulls me with him when he pushes himself up, and kisses across my knuckles before adjusting himself in his pants.

“After you,” he says, voice scratchy and strained, as he points to the stairs.

Right on my heels all the way up, he stops me as I reach his door, spinning me in his arms and pushing me against the hard wood as he pins me with his hips.

His hands are in my shirt again, my own fingers working at the buttons of his, and he makes a strangled sound right into the cup of my mouth as his rough palm skates up my ribs.

“You're not wearing a bra?” It comes out like a plea, like he’s begging me to prove him wrong.

I can’t. I won’t. “I'm not,” I confirm, placing my hand on his beneath the fabric. “I haven’t been.”

Joel steps back, both hands running through his hair before he drags them down his face. 

Swollen lips and crimson peaked cheeks, I adore him. This man who surprises me for a kiss in the middle of the night. This man who brings me coffee and orange flowers. This man who kisses like he made a deal with the Devil but still looks wrecked over a suggestive lack of clothing.

Opening the door with one hand, he lays the other flat across my back and pushes me forward into the open space, barely illuminated by one bedside lamp, and pushes me onto the edge of the bed.

“Do you wanna take that shirt off, sweetheart?” He asks, pulling his button up from his shoulders. “Or do you want me to do it?” 

Low and dangerous, an ultimatum but the result is the same either way. 

I hesitate too long and he clicks his tongue at me as he pulls the t-shirt over his head now. “Answer me.” 

Beautiful, built, broad shoulders hold him up, paler than the parts of him exposed to the sun. Edges of gold bleed into the pale skin of his chest, adorned with a light dusting of dark hair. 

“Baby,” he catches my attention again as he leans over me at the edge of the bed, “I’m taking this now, is that okay?” 

Nodding, I meet his hands at the hem of my sweater, helping as he coaxes it over my head. He takes in a sharp breath and I’m trying to imagine how he’s seeing me, trying to bolster my confidence with it. I haven’t sat half naked in front of somebody else in so long. I know he knows who I am and how I look, I know he’s touched me—my stomach, my hips, the thick of my thighs—but being bare to him in the light, no matter how low, is shaking me down.

“You tell me any time you want to stop,” he tells me, tucking a curl behind my ear. “I don’t care how far we’ve already gone, you say stop and that’s it, sweetheart. Do you understand?” 

Hands framing my face as I agree, he leans down to press his lips to mine again, up to the top of my cheek and back down again accompanied by whisker induced laughter. 

“You should take these off too,” I tell him, hooking one finger into one of his belt loops.

Joel huffs a laugh. “Take them off of me then.” 

He says it like a challenge against the shell of my ear before sucking the lobe between his teeth, letting go only to bite down onto the pulse point of my throat instead. 

Fingers trembling, I work at the button of his jeans until I manage to pull it through the hole. Joel reacts to the progress with the smallest sound of contentment as he meets my lips. Still, I can taste the frustration—the eagerness, the anticipation—building up within the both of us. Both of us wanting it over with and wanting to make it last. Another groan of relief, this time louder and longer, hums off of his tongue and onto mine as I pull the zipper down. 

Before I can pull the jeans down around his hips, he puts me flat on my back and crawls over me with both hands bracing his full weight above me. 

“You're gorgeous,” I tell him, head filled up with him.

He shakes his head. “That's you.” 

Palming over his underwear, I open my legs and mouth wider beneath him.

Wet with just a thought of him, I’m desperate to have him and he knows it—meets it with the same ferocity.

“Fuck,” he whispers.

Joel pushes himself back to his feet and pushes his jeans down, adjusting himself, again, through the fabric of his briefs. He stares down momentarily, like he’s strategizing how best to approach me before leaning in again and hooking his fingers into the waistband of my shorts.

Just my shorts.

Feeling the brush of his knuckles only against my hips, knowing that he’s leaving this barrier between us makes me want him more. Because it feels so juvenile and so adult at the same time, both curious about these new feelings and taking it slow so actions can be weighed and walked with intention. 

He molds my body to his, weight sinking into me as his fingers dig into my flesh and pulls until all space between us has gone—fused together with lust and the lightest sheen of sweat.

“You have a condom this time, right?”

Laughter, bright and happy and vibrating against my body. “Yeah, baby, I didn’t think I was being presumptuous this time.” Bearing his weight against my hips, he takes in the small gasp I feed him and smiles wider. “Was I?”

He wasn’t.

He couldn’t be—not when it comes to this.

Scraping his teeth down the expanse of my neck, all composure leaves me as he wraps his lips around my sensitive nipple. Clouds fill my head—cottony, fuzzy. If I was warm beneath him before, the rush he sends through me puts that to shame. 

Breathless and panting, he looks up and says, “I won’t last inside of you, sweetheart.” 

Worry’s laced in his eyes, dark and bold and fixed on mine like a puppy begging forgiveness. Only, the forgiveness he’s asking for isn’t needed.

“That's okay,” I tell him.

“It's just that it’s…” He trails off, eyes drifting down to our connected, but not yet bare, hips. “It’s been a while since I did this with somebody else.”

“Somebody else?” I ask him.

“Well yeah,” he confirms, eyebrows pinched up and a look like it’s obvious. “I’m a solo act, baby.” 

“And what are you now?”

“I’m—" 

The phone rings, cleaving right through the silence to cut his words short.

“Fuck,” he says, grabbing the phone as he pushes himself off of me and to the side. “Hello? H-hey Susan, everything alright?”

His voice is raw and he pinches the bridge of his nose, a small expletive falling from his lips as I push myself up to sit beside him.

“No, it’s fine, Susan,” he says into the phone. “You didn’t wake me up and, even if you had, I’d prefer that over any possible alternative.” He waits, a small laugh at whatever the woman on the other end of the line says. “Yeah, I appreciate it. I’ll be about fifteen to twenty minutes.” 

“Is everything okay?” I ask as he hangs up, an apology halfway out of his mouth.

“No.” He places the phone back on the stand and stands up. “Sarah’s sick as hell, all the kids are. Slumber party’s turning into a goddamn vomit pool.” He turns to me then, adjusting and readjusting himself through the fabric of his briefs. “Sorry,” he says again.

“Hey, I work in a goddamn vomit pool,” I remind him, pushing myself up to stand as well. “You don’t have to apologize, shit happens.”

Those nerves I felt laying bare in front of him earlier didn’t come up to stand with me, leaving me again with that silent comfort he makes me feel. 

“I know, baby, but”—he pulls his pants on—“we were gonna have the best sex.”

Looking around for where he threw my shorts, I tell him, “so imagine how much better it’s going to be when we can finally—“

“Hey.” His touch is gentle on my elbow as he calls my attention back to him. “What are you doing?”

“Well, I figured I’d go ahead and head home,” I tell him honestly, having spotted my shorts—and shirt—halfway across the room.

He shakes his head, worry worn eyes darting around my face. “Obviously, I don’t make your decisions, sweetheart, but I really don’t like the idea of you driving on these roads so late and”—he shrugs on his button up—“at the risk of sounding like a selfish asshole, I was really looking forward to sharing my bed with you tonight and I don’t care what capacity that looks like.” 

“But… Sarah.”

“We can sneak you out tomorrow,” he insists. “Please tell me you’ll stay.” 

“Well”—I nod—"if you have your heart set on it.” I don’t tell him mine is, too.

Huffing a laugh, he steps into my space and leans down to press his lips to mine. “Thank you.” 

It’s edging towards midnight when the door creaks open again.

“Hey.” I close the book I picked up while downstairs. “How does she feel?”

Joel starts unbuttoning his shirt, eyes focused on mine. “Did you do all that for my baby?” He asks, shrugging the fabric off of his broad shoulders. “The empty trash can? The gatorade and crackers?”

“I don't know what you’re talking about, Joel. It must’ve been the elves.”

“Alison…” 

“There should’ve been some children’s acetaminophen and an anti-nausea tablet as well.”

He nods. “Yeah.” 

Hugging my legs to my chest, I place the book on the bedside table and watch him as he steps out of his jeans and walks towards me. We didn’t have sex but this seems more intimate—sitting up to wait for him, to check on him. 

Exhaustion is heavy on his lids and on his tongue as he tells me to scoot, lifting up the cover to lay himself beside me. “You mean so much to me,” he says, shaking his head. “If that’s laying all my cards out on the table then”—he bites his lip—“then so be it, sweetheart. It’s important to me that you know.” 

The way he looks at me takes me down—consumed and restrained all at once. It’s how I know him, how he’s been this whole time. Honest and vulnerable while holding just enough back because he’s waiting for me to choke him with it.

“Hey,” his raw voice pulls me from my reverie, “did I finally do it?”

His short curls spill between my fingers as I push his hair back and ask, “do what, baby?”

A grin splits his face and he rolls to his side to lay scratchy kisses across my outer thigh. “Was gonna ask if I finally scared you off,” he murmurs against the skin as he kisses up to my knee. “But I guess I got my answer.”

February 16, 2003:

Bed’s empty when I wake up, but still warm in Joel’s space.

It’s somewhere near six in the morning, it has to be judging on the light coming in through the windows, and it’s cold—I’m cold. 

The toilet flushes as I bury my head into his pillow, taking in the subtle sweet and spicy smell of his soap, his cologne, his work. Him.

I barely hear the bathroom door click shut but I hear the bedroom door creak open and open my eyes just in time to see him slipping out. 

But no matter how soothing and warm his spot feels, or how late I stayed up, my body is stuck thinking I’m already late for the day as I’ve slept well past my normal alarm clock and I can’t fall back into sleep.

When I come out of the bathroom, Joel’s pushing back into the room, his finger held up to his lips as the door creaks shut behind him. He’s put on clothes. Rather, he’s put on a shirt and changed into boxers.

“I turned the heat on, baby,” he whispers.

Nodding, I rub my eye. “She awake?”

He shakes his head. “No, she’s knocked the fuck out but I had to clean out the trashcan, she got sick sometime in the night.”

“Did you spray disinfectant in it?” I ask him, crawling back into his space in the bed.

He’s not far behind me, broad body encouraging me forward before pulling my back flush with his chest. “Was I supposed to?”

“It’s recommended but the scent might have woken her up so probably best that you didn’t,” I say.

“Hm. Okay.” 

Tightening his grip around me, Joel buries his nose into my back and takes a deep breath. “I could get used to seeing you in my shirts, baby,” he mumbles. “How'd you sleep?”

How did I sleep?

Usually I wake up several times in the night, if only for just a second, by the creaks and groans of my apartment and the building that holds it up. Or by the heavy footed steps of my upstairs neighbors. But I didn’t have that here. What I had, instead, was several hours of uninterrupted sleep until I no longer felt his warm body beside mine. 

“Really well.”

He hums approval into my back, pressing further forward to lay a kiss over the fabric and up until he reaches the exposed skin of my neck. “You called me baby last night,” he whispers.

Running the tips of my fingers along the back of his, I ask, “do you hate it?” And he laughs.

“I never said that, sweetheart.” He takes another deep breath, saying, “I could get a little too used to this, baby, so you better break my heart soon if you’re gonna do it at all,” on the exhale. 

He says it like a joke but I know it’s not one. Maybe it was when he said similar a month ago, but it isn’t now. Now he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, just like he said at the gardens, and hoping I’ll give him just enough warning to dodge the impact.

“I'm not going to,” I tell him, turning my head back to him. “I mean… life is messy, Joel, and I know shit happens.” He looks over me now, eyes searching mine, and I cannot get over how beautiful he is like this—kind, dark eyes and pillow mussed curls in the early morning light of day. “I can’t make any promises, Joel, but I need you to know that I don’t foresee the end of this, it’s not even on the periphery of my mind.”

“I'm not worrying you with how fast we’re moving?”

“That's the thing, Joel,” I tell him, “this doesn’t feel fast. I mean”—I rub the sleep from my eye—“it feels like it’s been just a few seconds, you know? But it also feels like it’s been a few years.” 

Joel nods and he pushes his weight down on me, hand sliding up my chest to grip around my chin while his nose slots against mine.

“I should go, though,” I murmur into his lips. “Before she wakes up.”

“Can you stay for one cup of coffee, pretty girl?” He asks. “Please?” 

His smile mirrors my own when I say, “yes,” kissing down before pushing himself back up and out the door.

Dropping my bag off by the front door, he pouts when he sees me.

“What?” I ask him.

“I was gonna bring you coffee in bed,” he tells me. “Wanted to still see you in my shirt.”

I take the cup from him, grateful I said yes to this as the lack of sleep is starting to hit me.

“It took everything in me to change back into mine but”—I run my free hand through my hair—“you and I both know it would’ve turned into a lot more than just a cup of coffee if you’d brought it to me up there.” 

“Have a little faith in me, sweetheart.” He taps his mug against mine and winks. “Did you get your book?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s yours.”

He shrugs. “Sweetheart, you could throw your coffee into my face and I would not care.”

“Yeah you would,” I call his bluff.

He shrugs. “Only because that beige bullshit I put in there would get me all sticky and I’ve already showered.” 

“You showered?” I ask and he nods while he tips the cup back again. “When did you shower?”

“Mm, bit before you woke up. It wasn’t a full one, just…” He trails off, his cheeks flushing red as he shakes his head. “Never mind.”

“Oh no,” I say. “I have to know now.” 

Joel rubs his forehead with his free hand and huffs a laugh. “Somebody was rubbing her sweet, little ass on me all night and I woke up in a very sticky situation.”

Laughter starts before the final words have even settled, his whole body shaking as my jaw drops. “Honestly,” he starts, trying to regain control of his giggles. “That’s kind of how you looked in the dream I was having about you too.”

Heat is rushing through my veins in different shades; embarrassment and horniness, shame because his wet dream makes me want him more, and powerful over having made a mess of him without trying.

He steps into my space, large hand smoothing down my hair as he moves to cradle my head, and leans into me. “I can’t wait to do this again, we’ll just”—he shrugs—“cut right to the chase next time.” 

“Oh, that’s all I am? Just a chase you gotta cut to?”

“Yeah,” he whispers into my lips. “Right. That’s so right, sweetheart.”

As I finish my coffee, he disappears back up the stairs, a kiss to my temple as he goes, and leaves me alone in the space of his kitchen. It’s weird how familiar it feels, like there’s half a shade of deja vu over my presence in his space. 

Everything looks real here, like a true place where people live. My apartment looks like a copy of a copy of a copy with two or more coats gray-beige paint on every wall—I’ve lived there for years at this point and I’m unsure if it’ll ever feel for me how this looks like it feels for him. There is so much love in these walls, I could melt.

“Daddy?” Sarah’s voice filters down from upstairs and I can hear his feet walking to meet hers.

“Hey sweetheart, what are you doing up?” There’s the click of a door behind him as he meets her in the hallway.

“I heard voices,” she says. “Are you talking to somebody?”

“Television must’ve been too loud, baby. I’ll turn it down when I go back downstairs. How do you feel?”

“Better,” she says. “But also horrible.”

Their voices continue to get further and further away but his laughter still finds my ears easily before I hear him say, “well, you stay up here or maybe get a shower but I think you should try to rest some more, okay?”

Her response is lost behind closed doors as Joel’s footsteps walk back towards the stairs and down.

“Hey,” I whisper, as he reaches the kitchen, “I'm gonna go ahead and go.”

“Did you finish your coffee?” He asks. 

“I finished enough of it.”

One eyebrow raises like he’s calling bullshit but he nods. “Okay. I put the book on your bag”—he takes my mug from me—“we’ll talk about it when you finish it.” 

February 18, 2003:

“Wait…” I type into the open chat. “She’s not dead?”

“No,” he texts back.

“But…”

“Just keep reading, we’ll talk about it tonight.” 

 “This is insane,” I tell him when I answer the phone.

It’s just after ten and I can hear the clicking in the background that I now know to be the lamp on his bedside table. He laughs followed by a groan, probably from sitting down, and then he laughs again. 

“Only person I know smart enough to pull off some similar shit is you, sweetheart,” he says. “God, I better not ever get on your bad side.”

“I don’t know what my bad side is,” I tell him honestly.

“It's whatever the fuck Tommy and that jackass at your work are on,” he responds. “And you wouldn’t fucking believe what Tommy did today.”

“Oh no, did he fuck your nose up again?”

Joel’s laughter is a little more intense. “No, your craftsmanship is well protected, sweetheart.”

“Then I really just can’t imagine what Tommy Miller could do that would shock me more than screwing up your face.” 

He pushes out a hard breath and groans again as his head hits the pillows. “This dumbass, baby, did a goddamn strip tease against an unfinished support beam and now has splinters—”

“No thanks,” I tell him, waving my hand to shut him up as if he’s right beside me. It hits me then, harder than it did last night or the night before that and all during the days since I said goodbye on Saturday. I want him to be here or me to be there; honestly, I just want to be anywhere where he is. It makes me feel an ache somewhere deep within me, higher than the pit of my stomach but lower than my heart. I want to share these words, however trivial they may be, in a shared space with shared breaths. “I don’t need to hear anymore.” 

“Okay, okay.” He takes a deep breath. “You been reading all day?”

“God, I wish,” I tell him. “I had to brave the grocery store—“ 

“Mm, braver than any US Marine.”

“—and cooked some things for the next few days. All the Valentine’s candy was so cheap but I only bought a few bags.” 

“Mm.” There’s shuffling against the speaker of the other phone, his voice muffled and it comes out sleepy and far away as he says, “good girl.”

My insides twist up with want. Not so much over his words but more over his tone, the intimacy of a voice raw with exhaustion.

Joel clears his throat. “What'd you cook?” 

“Nothing special,” I tell him, “I made chicken, rice and broccoli to take to work and then ate an entire pizza while watching television.”

He laughs. “You contain multitudes, pretty girl.” 

Silence falls between us, easy and comforting, and I’m struck by how close I am to sleep just listening to him fight it off. 

He takes another breath and lets it out. “Listen, baby, I gotta talk to you.”

“Oh,” I say, sitting up. “Okay.”

“It's not bad, it’s just…” He trails off and I can hear him shuffling, another groan followed by the sound of his head resting on the headboard. “You know how that child of mine is whip smart?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, she figured me out, sweetheart.”

I can feel the muscles in my face pinching together in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“She knew I was lying to her the other day that I was just watching television,” he continues. “She said I’m always smiling now and sneaking off to take calls in secret.”

“So she knows about me?” I ask.

“Hmm, she knows there’s a woman that I’m seeing and I told her that I like you a lot and that you’re important to me and I want to keep seeing where things go with you.”

“And what did she say?” 

“She told me she can’t believe anybody would like my grumpiness or my creakiness.” 

“Your creakiness?” I ask on a laugh.

“Yeah, she said I sound like a bowl of rice krispies when I stand up or sit down.”

“Oh my god,” I breathe out. “You do. Oh, you’re such an old man.”

He laughs, steady and comforting and it fills me up.

“Look,” he goes on. “If you’re worried about her mother—“

“Joel.” 

“You’ve never asked me about her,” he says.

I shrug against the pillows at my back. “I figured you would tell me when you wanted to, I’m not interested in poking open closed wounds.”

“How do you know it’s a wound?” He asks and I can see those two lines of concentration between his eyebrows even from the tone of his voice.

“Because you’ve never said anything about her,” I tell him. “She's not in any of the pictures of Sarah in your house so I assumed it was a wound.” 

“Well,” he says on a hard breath out. “I’m telling you about her now and… if there’s any worry you have—“

“I don’t, that’s not me.”

“I know but, still… I told you I went off the deep end when my parents died. I got Sarah’s mom pregnant and I thought I was doing the right thing by marrying her. I missed being a member of a family and, you know, I saw it as a sign that I was being given a chance to build one out of all that hurt I felt.”

Water rises up in his voice, shaking and threatening like a dam begging to burst in a hard rain. It hits me that this is the foundation of all those jokes, the small comments, telling me to break his heart and do it soon to minimize the damage.

“She didn’t want to be a mom though,” he continues. “Or a wife. She just didn’t think she had any options to get out of it. Sh-she signed over all her rights, our marriage just went away like it never happened—poof.” He snaps his fingers. “I don’t know where she is now, I just hope she’s happier… and she was the last time I saw her. I was never really angry at her, just scared.”

Silence falls between us and I can hear the measured way he breathes in, harder than a sniffle, and the exhales he pushes out of his mouth.

“Are you there still?” He asks after several minutes.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

With my head in the pillows and a hurt in my heart.

“That was a lot,” he says. “It’s so late and that was a lot, I—I’m sorry.”

“It is late,” I affirm, “but I don’t think this is a conversation you’d have with me in the light of day, baby.”

Joel laughs but it’s laced with a sadness and I feel like I should apologize but I know him. I know I’m right. 

“You’re still scared,” I whisper and he sighs with relief like he’s finally been seen.

“Yeah.” That dam does start cracking now. “Scared out of my mind but”—he sucks in a breath again—“just have to keep finding something to fight for.”

 Quiet. Again. Just him and I at the end of our days in separate beds but still together. I want him here, I want to be there. After all of these words exchanged, I know he has thoughts of scaring me away rushing through his mind again. I don’t call them out—just reassurance isn’t enough to keep them at bay.

“Anyway, baby, I miss you.” He laughs again after that, the smallest sound of disbelief pushed through closed lips. “Just showing my hand every day here aren’t I?” 

“They’re good hands, Joel.”

He says, “yeah,” like I’m humoring him and then, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, sweetheart. Sleep well.”

Sleeping well is not something I can do, hasn’t been since I came home, but I don’t tell him that. I tell him goodnight and let him be the first to hang up after a couple more moments of silence, not wanting to be the one to end the call tonight.

Before I close my eyes, I pick his name out of my contact menu and choose the option to send a message. I think for a moment, considering whether or not I really should send this and wondering how he’ll take it. After a few moments, I take a breath and type, “I dreamt about your hands last night.”

February 25, 2003: 

“You ever gonna tell me about this dream you had?” He asks.

I woke up to several texts begging for clarification with more questions coming throughout every conversation of the last week as I’ve dodged the subject and continued on in other areas. 

Not that Joel would ever admit to begging.

I look over at him now in the passenger seat, leaned back and tucked down with eyes closed looking for relief from the day he’s already had. 

“You ever gonna tell me about the one you had the night I stayed over?” I counter.

“I told you,” he says, “I'm not telling you shit until I can have you flat on your back to recreate it.” 

“I guess you have your answer then.” 

He laughs and his whole body moves with it followed by a twist of pain in his face.

“You okay, Joel?”

“I'm fine,” he says through a yawn. “Barely slept last night, migraine coming on. I know I’m not being great company, sweetheart.”

“Do you need something for the migraine?” I’m halfway to my bag before I’ve finished asking but he grabs my wrist, pulling it up to his chest instead and holding it there beneath both of his hands. 

“I'm fine, baby—already took something.”

“Maybe you should go home,” I suggest.

He shakes his head, tells me there's no sick days in construction.

“That's gotta be bullshit.” 

“The only thing that’s bullshit, darling”—he peeks one eye open at me—“is that you won’t tell me what this dream of yours was about.” 

It’s been ten days since he had me underneath him, fevered up to the tips of my ears with how badly I wanted him. Ten days since, what he calls, the biggest cockblock of the century. That doesn’t sound quite right though, it was probably very low on the ratings list given how many parents must have experienced being called away for sickness.

Ten days of a kid that feels better but still refuses everything she normally likes to eat, afraid of getting sick again. Apparently she picked it up from her favorite pizza place. Joel doesn’t think he’s ever seen somebody go through so much betrayal as Sarah is now.

Ten days of double shifts for me while he drove back and forth across Travis County completing two jobs and still somehow managed to bring me coffee or chocolate or even just a kiss.

“Oh, I have something for you.”

“For me? What could you ever have for me—“ He stops speaking as I hold the envelope out to him, eyeing it suspiciously before sitting up fully.

Joel opens the envelope slowly, remarking that it’s rather heavy so it can’t just be a card and then his eyes go wide as he catches the first glimpse of the polaroids. “Alison, you didn’t.”

“I did,” I confirm. “Keep them safe.” 

Groaning he adjusts he adjusts himself, back arching in a stretch before he lays himself back down. “How much time do I have left in here with you?”

I check my watch. “About ten minutes.”

Face pinched up in anger, his nostrils flair. “Fine,” he says. “I’ll take the damn sick time. Tommy can finish the job for all I care.” 

“You don’t like taking care of yourself,” I tell him.

Both eyes open. “What?”

“This was the tone you had at the hospital that day we met,” I say. “You were about to leave, you thought it was pointless to be there.” 

“I didn't think it was—“

“You would rather have duct taped your face together than be on that gurney, Joel. It’s not a question, I’m telling you.”

He smiles. “I met you out of it so I think it was worth it.”

“Forget me,” I say. “I love how much you care for other people, Joel, but you cannot take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself. I know there are times you just have to push through it but this isn’t one of them. Sarah feels better now, most of the work you were absolutely needed for is finished. Go home, take a shower and then go to sleep.”

My hand is still held between both of his and he pulls it to his lips now. “Will you come tuck me in?”

“I can’t,” I tell him. “But I’d love to.”

“Mm, you got a hot date, I understand. What’s his name?”

“No, I-I’m going back home for a couple of days,” I tell him.

Both eyes open and he lets go of my hand to push himself up, “you don’t sound too pleased, Alison.” 

There’s—I—“ I can’t think of how to say it. I didn’t tell him when I got the news yesterday, it didn’t really impact me all that much. It’s not that I felt nothing but I didn’t really feel anything either—I still don’t. But knowing now how he dealt with the loss of his parents, how much he values family, I don’t want to give this image he has of me a callus nature.

“Alison?” He sits up further, repeating his question. “Is everything okay?”

“My grandfather died.”

“And here I am complaining about a goddamn headache,” he breathes out. “Baby, why didn’t you tell me?”

I shrug. “He wasn’t a great guy,” I tell him. “Not to me, anyway. He wasn’t the greatest guy. He kicked my mom out when she got pregnant and he only mildly tolerated my existence for my grandmother’s sake but I still want to be there for her,” I tell him. “And for my mom, you know? Like, he didn’t really like me but that’s still her dad.” 

He nods, eyes searching my face.

“Anyway,” I continue. “I fly out tonight. I’m taking bereavement leave so I’ll cash in on my doubles next week or whatever.”

“Well, if you need me for any reason or, I don’t know, want me”—he kisses my hand again—“just tell me.” 

February 27, 2003:

Stumbling drunk and full of shit.

That is the end to a hated man’s wake.

At least it is for me.

Shaking hands through tears brought on by rye whiskey, I thanked mourners and took their food and thanked more.

Through every question of, “Do you remember me?” From people who apparently knew me as a baby.

Every statement of, “Look how big you got!” Followed by a wink as eyes went from my chest to my ass and back.

I smiled sadly and I said thank you and I took another drink.

I love my mother.

I love my grandmother.

But I hate the people they come from; hate the ones they married and mated with respectively.

One person remarked that they were shocked I’d actually shown up.

I promised to stay through the weekend, help my mother and grandmother sort through the bills and the bullshit but I can’t. I can’t do this, I can’t be here. 

I can’t stay and listen to the crimes I’ve committed according to a dead man, including being born and abandoning my family. As if he didn’t set the precedent by throwing a pregnant fifteen year old on the street in the seventies. 

He came around about the time I was two months old, moved my mother and, by default, me back into the family home. We stayed there until I was fifteen, sleeping in the same room like sisters until my mother married rich enough for us to, as she put it, “strike out on our own.”

We actually were on our own six months later when the marriage dissolved faster than it started with the rumor of a brother or sister on the way. Which was just that—a rumor. Nothing was wrong with him, she just moves too fast in search of the high of an orgasm and when she was done with that—when she was coming down on those days after—he was too.

Nobody was abusive, mad or outwardly angry. I was just the elephant in the room born into fear and tension. Now I’m the elephant in the room except everybody’s sad and I’m indifferent. 

The tension remains, however. Because when it came time for college, I took the Pell grants available to me and went to the farthest away school that had accepted me. I wanted to be something other than what others thought of me or thought I would become.

Alone in the hotel room, telling Joel all of this now, I realize there are actual tears stinging my eyes and not just the burn of alcohol on an empty stomach shooting acid reflux up to my eyeballs.

“God, fuck.” Wiping away snot with the palm of my hand, I laugh. “This is so pathetic, Joel, I’m sorry.” 

“What’s pathetic about it, baby?” 

“All of it.” My head’s not spinning. It hasn’t been for a while. 

“No,” he tells me. “None of it.” 

“I became a nurse because I wanted to prove that I could actually be useful,” I tell him. “That's so fucking ridiculous.”

“I don’t think I understand.”

A beat. Maybe two. God, my head’s already pounding.

“I was just constantly reminded that I was a mistake or, rather”—I laugh—“an unfortunate byproduct of my mother’s promiscuity. Chose a career that’s never out of demand. You know? I technically… shouldn’t be here so I’m paying for my life by making sure I’m the most useful I can be.”

I am fully crying now, the heat of embarrassment flushing across every inch of my body.

“And to make it that much worse, everybody just had to comment on my weight, including my mom’s creepy uncle who”—hiccup—“who actually patted my stomach and said there was nothing wrong with a little more cushion for the pushin’.” 

“He did what?”

“And, like, yeah… I get it,” I go on. “I’m not as skinny as I was when I left for college but I’m also not starving myself anymore—I’m not sick anymore.” Goddamn it. My head is in my hands, body folded forward to contain the hunger and sadness that I feel. “Goddamn it,” I say. “I’m spiraling, Joel, I’m sorry.” 

“Alison, take a deep breath.” Joel’s tone is low, stern and sad. “Stop apologizing to me,” he says as I follow his instructions. “I’m sorry that this is what you’ve dealt with from your family, that shit is not fair, but I want to make one thing very clear to you right now—you are not, and never have been, a mistake. Teenagers had sex, it’s what they do, and a baby happened because of it. Because that is what happens and you should never have been made to feel like your existence was your fault. Your mother was the responsibility of her parents and they failed her and blamed you for it.” 

“Okay.”

“Okay is good enough for now,” he says. “But, sweetheart, I want you to actually believe it.” 

“Maybe someday,” I tell him.

“Now… I’m trying not to sound like an asshole here, baby, but what is wrong with your weight?” 

“Nothing,” I tell him. “Nothing’s wrong with it, it’s just… I was like ninety-something pounds when I went to college and now I am noticeably m-more than that. You know? I have a stomach with rolls and thighs. I have tits, I have an ass.” I’m naming these things I’m proud of having as if I’m ashamed, that’s what two days has done to me here.

“Ninety-something pounds?” If I actually broke his heart, this is what I imagine he would sound like. “That’s—fuck. That’s almost what Sarah weighs, baby. Where are you right now?”

“I'm at the hotel,” I answer. “I didn't want to stay with my mom and her husband or my grandma. I knew I would feel like shit but, Jesus… I do not want to bring this shit back to Austin.”

“You said you changed your flight to tomorrow? What time?”

“Late,” I respond. “It was only like twenty bucks to switch to the late Friday flight but it would’ve been two hundred for the early one.”

“Tell me what time, I’ll pick you up.”

“I told you, baby, it’ll be late.” I rub at the point between my eyebrows, tensed up around a headache. “Don’t worry about picking me up.”

“I'm your boyfriend,” Joel says, a smile in his voice. “I should pick my girlfriend up from the airport.” 

He can’t see it but I’m shaking my head, still wiping away the tears that did fall—are falling. “Joel, you can’t leave Sarah in the house alone.”

“Okay, baby,” he concedes. “Get some sleep.” 

February 28, 2003: 

Landing in Austin is the first breath I feel like I’ve taken in days.

I don’t think I’ve ever pulled off a sweatshirt faster, hugging it into my stomach while the cool—but much warmer than Boston—air hits my shoulders as I walk the bridge from the plane to the gate.

Mom wanted to drive me to the airport after we met for lunch but I couldn’t do it. I needed to separate and compartmentalize before boarding. Because I didn’t want to bring the events of the day before back home and I didn’t want to bring it back to Joel.

Joel who, as I walk through baggage claim, is waiting for me with his hands in his pockets and a look like he’s bracing for impact.

“I told you not to leave Sarah,” I tell him as I meet him by the doors.

“They’re having a redo of that slumber party tonight,” he says, taking my bag and hoisting it up on his shoulder. “You said you were coming in on a later flight so I looked up what time every flight from Boston was landing. I came straight here after work.”

“It's close to eleven, Joel!” I turn on him in the parking lot. "You’ve been sitting here since work ended?”

He nods.

“Have you even eaten?” I catch sight of his truck and start moving towards it. “Oh my god, you must be so fucking tired.” 

Following me, he tells me that he is tired but that he’s eaten. Then he tells me the exhaustion means nothing because it was more important to him to be here for me.

I was wrong about landing being the first breath I’ve taken in days.

There’s so much comfort in him—in his coffee covered, sawdust scent.

“I told you, you didn’t have to come get me.”

“I know what you said,” he confirms with me. “But let’s switch for a second, okay? If I’d called you from two thousand miles away, drunk and crying, would you not be picking my ass up from the airport?” 

“I would be.”

“So here I am, baby.” 

He kept one hand on me until he put the car in park and was out the door before I was, grabbing the bag from the back.

“I can take it now, Joel, thank you.” 

“Do you not want me to come up with you?” He asks. “You can tell me.”

“I would love for you to come upstairs, I just don’t want you seeing me like this.” I shrug when he raises his eyebrows, the movement slipping the strap of my tank top down. “I'm really embarrassed about what happened on the phone last night.” 

“I'm not,” he says. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about, not with me. I barely slept last night, I just wanted you to be okay. After what you told me last night, I should be the one asking if you’ve eaten—“

Asserting that I have, I tell him he doesn’t have to worry about me. Tell him that it’s fine, I’m fine and I’m home now so it can only get better. I don’t tell him about how I’ll be worse before that happens—further down before any up can be gained.

Joel steps back a pace, looks me up and down, and then forward again, closer this time, and smiles. “Good, now can we get out of the cold before your lips turn blue or is that something else I have to worry myself sick over, Alison?”

He takes the keys from me on the third try when I drop them because my hands are shaking I can’t get them in. He can be not embarrassed all he wants but that doesn’t change where I’m at. Where I know I’ll be for a while, because it’s where I go when there’s too much happening at once.

The elevator’s slow, filling up my ears with the high pitched humming of operation. Joel still has the keys when we reach my door and he holds them up.

“Which one?”

“Um”—I grab the end of the skinnier key—“this one.”

But he takes it back from me to turn the lock instead.

And then I’m home, genuine relief flooding into me the moment I’m across the threshold. Even more when I hear the drop of the bag before strong arms find me.

Pulling me back against his chest, he presses kiss after gentle kiss into my temple.

“I need you to know that when I answered the phone and heard you crying, my fucking heart almost stopped.” Rough hands slide beneath the fabric of my shirt and squeeze me tighter. “I was so worried.”

“Does Sarah really have a redo on her sleepover? Or are you just trying to make me feel better?”

“She does,” he says. “No pizza this time.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me that last night?” I ask him.

“I would've loved to, sweetheart,” he breathes into my skin, “but you weren’t in a spot where you wanted to hear it. Would you even have changed your mind if I’d told you?”

“No.”

“Right,” he says and he takes the sweatshirt, still hugged to my stomach, out of my hands to toss across to the couch before pulling me closer still. “Now, do you want to shower or do you want food? What can I do for you to help?” 

Turning in his arms, I push my face into his chest and breathe him in. “I’m fine, baby, thank you,” I tell him on the exhale. “You can head on home if you need to.” 

A small expletive born out of frustration tumbles into my hair and his chest rises against mine. “I don’t give a shit about me, Alison.” His chest falls. “What do you need?” 

[bonny-kookoo]

Sing to me: JJK x Reader 🔞

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Mermaid AU, Siren!Jungkook, Prince!Jungkook, homeless!Reader, Romance,  Smut duh

Wordcount: 5k (medium)

Tags/Warnings: okay so, spoiled kook, possessive kook, Theres literally an attempted murder lol, drowning? whoops, blood oh no, reader is hella fucking dense ok, biting, courting lol, fish boy is in love, whoops, anyways we got sexy times too, because in this AU fishboy got legs n all of that hah, unprotected sex because, guys pls this ain't supposed to he realistic, wrap it before you tap it folks, its also not all that filthy lol, blink and you'll miss the scene, honestly I didn't include much smut because yall nasty so you will ask for dirty drabbles anyways, not that I mind lol, k I'm done I think, wow mom I've sinned less than usual..

Summary: Help me love myself, and I might learn to love you as well.

Or alternatively: you save Jungkook from being killed, and he totally gets the wrong signals. But he's cute, so its fine. Probably.

Jungkook is floating.

He thinks about what lies above the waves, and cant think of anything he really finds interesting. The surface is littered in junk, in things humans leave behind without thinking twice about it. It's air is thick and stuffy, hard to breathe and never clear at all. It's crowded, with creatures who at the end of the day all look the same in his eyes. There's nothing exciting about the world people walk on.

Its boring, and dirty.

His own home is, compared to that, a kingdom radiating like the moon itself. It shines and sparkles, and harbors some of the most beautiful creatures ever to be found. He and his family, as well as everyone else, live in peace with nature down underneath the waves, existing side by side instead of trying to gain the upper hand all the time.

And he's reminded of the cruelty of man, when he finds himself caught in a net.

He's somehow made the fishermen drop it instead of pulling him up on their boat. But that doesn't mean he's free- he's still struggling with it, fighting it, but he cant rip it apart. All he does really, is tie the knots tighter, have them dig into his skin until spots are rubbed raw. He can't really swim anywhere at this point, gives up as he can see the last lights of his distant home fade into the distance.

Jungkook is floating.

He's slowly being led by the waves, by the love of wind and waters, as he closes his eyes. Its a pity, really; for a prince held so high to die by the mere hands of the poor, he thinks. It's upsetting him, very much so, but he takes it as it is. There's nothing he can do anyways, as he slowly comes into contact with the sand below. It washes him up onto short, the dry sand sticking to his body, waves pushing him higher and higher onto the ground.

He shivers, the cold outside air biting at his skin now unsheltered and defenseless.

He doesn't know how long he lays there.

But at some point, steps are heard on the sand. He keeps his eyes closed, doesn't care about what will happen next- he really just wants to have it be over by now, the ropes already painfully burning his skin at certain spots. He's sure theres sand in his wounds as something touches him- warm fingers, hesitant, and almost shy.

He keeps his eyes closed.

"My god, I hate humans.." You mutter under your breath, your voice hitting his ears, making him notice the way it sounds. He thinks it sounds very similar to some of his kind; sirens being blessed with voices sweet and enchanting. Maybe you were one of the strays who had decided to live on the surface for some reason? But your smell was entirely human, although much sweeter and pleasant than anyone he'd met before. And then, after a small short moment of pain-

He's free.

His arms flop to his side, and he breathes in deeply- finally able to fully move again. His eyes open, and adjust to the night for a moment, before they meet yours.

How interesting.

"Jungkook?" Jimin asks him, curious to what has gotten the young Siren so occupied. Typically, Jungkook would be watching the annual kingdom dances with at least some form of interest; even if it was just a glimpse of it, just to make his parents worry less about him misbehaving. But today, as the graceful dancers move around to the orchestra playing, the young prince is absolutely not there. At least not mentally. "Jungkook." The older one scolds, getting Jungkooks attention- his gaze hard and annoyed. "Please, young prince- at least try to pretend you're interested. This is after all part of our culture." He strategically uses his title as teasing- something which makes Jungkook snort without any fun.

"I really don't want to be here." He explains, and Jimin sighs. "I'd rather be at the surface.." He mumbles, being careful not to be too loud- but Jimin does pick it up, and so does his partner, Taehyung, next to him- now leaning a bit forward to hear better.

"Oh?" Jimin asks. "What could be of interest there, I wonder?" He teases, and Jungkook grows even more irritated.

"Nothing that should interest a whore like you." He says harshly, though Jimin knows he means no harm with it. Jimin is, after all, a man who enjoys the simple pleasures in life- which is why he can't quite grasp why Jungkook, a young man in his prime like himself, doesn't seem to care about whats going on around him.

"Hm, but I think she must be absolutely divine if you're willing to risk the wrath of your own mother just to see her." He says, and Taehyung snickers next to him, clearly amused.

But to both of their surprise, Jungkook grows.. calm. Theres even a glimpse of a smile on his lip as he rests his head on his head, elbow on the armrest of his throne. "That she is." He says, quietly, as he watches the young woman in front of him. He has to imagine you there instead, moving oh so gracefully to the sounds of his Kingdom's greatest musicians- dressed in the most beautiful gown he'd gift you. "That she is.." He repeats, a dreaming look on his face that Jimin has not seen before.

Jungkook watches you.

He enjoys watching you on your daily trips to the beach, picking up cans and bottles, and other things people throw away without care. You're cleaning up the beach, and he thinks its a very good behavior- he likes the way you always carefully scan the ground and sides for any garbage. He swims a little closer as he spots you squatting down; eyes lighting up as you pick up a shell he'd personally not care much for. It's slightly pink- but nothing he hasn't seen in his life. They're so common, and he suddenly thinks that if this already makes you happy, what if he was to bring you something else? Something better, something more worth your attention?

He feels a rush of excitement.

Dashing into the opposite direction, he makes his way towards the ground below, eyes scanning the ground as he searches for something. He spots it after a few minutes of searching, but when he holds the pearl, he hesitates.

Its not enough.

No, that's not what you should get. He's only paying back his dept, yeah, that's what he's doing. But what if he was overdoing it by bringing you something too expensive or rare? No, he should be smart about it, yeah. Start small, and work your way up he thinks, as he takes the pearls he's collected while deep in thought, and pushes himself back to the top, swimming easily. He hopes you're still there-

And there you are, dipping your feet into the water.

He looks at what he can see; only able to see clearly underneath the waves rather than above. There's a bracelet hanging around your ankle, and it looks cheap, he thinks. It only helps him by giving him ideas for his next gifts- if you would accept his first, that is. He's never been rejected before, but then again, has always rejected instead. Nothing had interested him to the extend you did. Maybe you really were of his kind, secretly.

When he slowly brings his head up the waves, you don't get scared, or flinch. You simply look, spot him, and smile.

He likes that expression.

He comes closer, free hand helping him onto the stone you sit on, his hand holding your gift eagerly pushing against yours. You understand quickly, and open them, and he smiles. You're smart, he notes, and it only adds to your qualities, he thinks. Dropping the pearls, your eyes sparkle again- as they should, he thinks with pride. You inspect them with big eyes, as if you've never seen something alike. He enjoys your reaction- and you nod at him. "Thank you- are they for me to keep?" You ask, pointing to them, and then at your chest. He's not fully fluent in human language, but has picked up on some words and phrases, since Seokjin had recently strayed- teaching him some stuff whenever he got bored and visited his younger brother.

So Jungkook nods. "You." He says, and you like the sound of his voice; fittingly just as handsome as the rest of him, you think. But then again- his kind is known for its beauty and enchanting voices. "Keep." He tells you, pushing your closed palm a bit closer to your body as if to underline his statement. You think its cute, in a way.

"Okay." You say. "I'll keep them-?" You ask, and he doesn't understand, until you point to yourself, and say a name- yours, he supposes.

"Ah-" He starts, pointing to himself. "Jungkook. Jeon, Jungkook." He tells you, and you nod, smiling.

"It's nice to meet you, Jeon Jungkook." You smile, and he grins back, slightly sharpened canines in stark contrast with his bunny-like smile.

He thinks its nice to meet you too.

"But you're a witch, aren't you?" Jungkook argues, staring at Taehyung. "I thought you were all so capable." He challenges, and Taehyungs eyes darken- quite literally, since sea witches do technically have black eyes- but conceal them, as to not scare off people. He regains his composure however when Jimins hand lays on his shoulder.

"Now now, no need to become huffy." He says. "He didn't say he can't do it- he simply told you that its not that easy." He explains, and Jungkook sighs, rolling his eyes. Ever the spoiled prince, they think to themselves.

"I don't care about that." He states. "Can you do it, or can you not?" He asks, and Taehyung thinks for a moment.

"I.." He begins, before he sighs. "I can. But, there's a catch, Jungkook." He tells him, and this time, the youngest of the group seems just as serious as he listens. "I can't promise that.. the result will be what you will expect." He says.

"What do you mean?" Jungkook asks.

"There's a chance she won't survive it."

He doesn't think much about why you're so often sitting on that rocky structure close to the deep- he likes not having to get out of the water to be close to you. And you think, Jungkook is quite the interesting being.

He’s curious; that much you can tell. His hands rest on your knees, your toes sometimes brushing against his abdomen as he swims closer- face coming forward to properly look at you. His vision must be bad outside of the waters you assume, his brown eyes squinting in concentration until he huffs and let’s himself back into the waters. You chuckle, and simply take off your jacket, slipping into the water as well as you control your breath- his entire face brightening at your body now underwater in his world, finally clear to see for his eyes.

You’re pretty, he thinks, definitely prettier than any other human he’d encountered before. The clothes covering your breasts and private parts a bit dull and boring for his taste- but he’d change that soon. He smiles, happy, before holding up his finger as if to signal for you to wait before he swims away, elegantly and fast. You swim up to breath some air, catch your breath, until there’s a hand around your calf, holding, fingers running over the skin, signaling you to come down again. You follow his question, taking a deep breath to meet him underneath the surface; his excited hands wrapping something around your neck, before he swims in circles as if he’s suddenly got too much energy. You point to yourself, as if to ask if you can keep it- and he nods, wide eyes watching you with a smile that you can’t help but mirror.

You don't quite realize what he's doing.

He however thinks you know. You know that he's courting you, and you're interested in him. You know that he's just given you more than a simple gift. He only believes you're letting him work for it- something he happily does, taking on the challenge as always. He swims closer, holds your shoulders, as his eyes look into yours, his gaze happy and child-like almost. He's close to finally showing you affection- but you suddenly swim to the surface instead.

And even though he knows you only wanted to breathe, he can't help but feel slightly sour at the ruined moment.

"You're awfully happy these days." His mother says, watching her son in the gardens of the palace. "May I ask what has gotten you in such a bright mood?" She asks, and Jungkook doesn't quite know how to break it to her. He knows its not forbidden, knows it has, and does, happen each and every day it seems- but there's still fear inside of him. Theres still hesitation, even though he is not ashamed of what has happened- of what he has done. His mother however notices. "You know you can trust me, right?" She says, and he nods.

Its now or never.

"I've found a mate." He says, and his mother smiles warmly, holding his cheek as she kisses it in congratulation. "Its a human." He says, quietly, hurried- but his mother continues to smile.

"I have suspected as much." She states. "Your friend- Park Jimin- is not very good at talking quietly." She snickers, and Jungkook curses under his breath about how he wants to strangle him. Theres a huge weight lifted off of him however; finally having said it, made it very real to him, in a way- even though it was already.

Because, after all; you were wearing his kingdom's sigil around your neck already. He had claimed you.

He's restless the next time he swims to the shore to meet you again- eager to see you to give you the news of his family's acceptance.

You're late- later than usual, and his brows are furrowed, mood upset at your mannerism. You're usually always on time, always just as eager to see him he thinks- but this time, you're not there. After his anger however, he grows increasingly worried instead. What if something had happened to you instead? Oh what a bad person he would be to be mad at you for getting into an unfortunate situation. As guilt slowly makes his way into his body, claims his muscles, he moves to sit on the stone he usually finds you on. He tries to look around- rain on his skin making it possible to be out way more comfortably.

He spots movement above.

Theres a person he can't make out- throwing something off the cliff down into the sea, and Jungkook clicks his tongue in anger, already upset- but still curious on what it was the person had been so eager to discard. Typically, its tiny things or plastic he finds- but this is something else, he knows.

Underwater, he smells blood.

His pupils contract, eyes widening, as he spots the black bag slowly making its way to the bottom of the sea- red trail leading from it. Its not the blood however that makes him frantic- its the smell of it, of you, that stops his heart.

He gets you out the bag, his anger over the entire situation diminishing into nothing as he holds you close, eyes spotting the deep cut on your side, and the scratches on your face. Unsure where to bring you, he holds you close, brings you onto his back as one of his hands hold yours, your arms around his neck. He swims quickly to the only place he knows you can breathe.

The underwater cave is big enough for now, he thinks, as he brings your body onto the ground, out the water. He doesn't notice he's crying, doesn't quite speak, his native language of clicking sounds and little noises escaping him as he whines out for your attention, waiting for you to wake up somehow. He's been so invested in making you like him and accept him that he's got no idea what to do with a human. Are you cold? How can he warm you up? How does he stop bleeding wounds? How much can you bleed before you die? Are you already dying?

Jungkook doesn't know what to do. So he simply lays by your side, holding you close, in hopes his slightly higher body temperature can keep you warm.

"He's doing the best he can-" Jimin says, Seokjin next to Taehyung as they both lean over your body. Both witches are concentrated, already exhausted, but there's no way they're giving up on you now. Not only because you're important to Jungkook- but because no one deserves to simply die like this.

"I know, I know!" Jungkook huffs out, pupils turned into cat like slits- a clear sign of the absolute terror and chaos inside of him. "What if they're best isn't good enough? Jimin, I can't loose her, you don't understand-" He starts, but Jimin holds the younger one's shoulders, for the first time serious with him.

"I do." He glances at Taehyung. Jimin had saved Taehyung before as well- the young sea witch having been hit by a fisherman's harpoon years ago. Ever since then, Jimin had been attached to the witch like glue. "Trust me, I really do. And they're doing all they can to make sure she's going to be fine." He promises, and Jungkook nods.

All he can do is pray.

When you wake up, there's several things you notice.

First, you're alive. Having a raging headache, and your limbs and muscles feel horribly tender, but you're alive. There's also strings of rope tied to two rock formations acting like a clothing line, several blankets and clothes hanging from it. They don't look human-made to you- the fabrics and designs not something you would think of as regular. There's a bucket and several stained rags- now copper-brown with old blood. Its then that you look down, seeing your cut sewed shut.

You also notice its rather soft underneath you.

Its sheepskin laid over seaweed you notice- the whool soft and fluffy, and warm. Everything seems to be so thoughtfully placed, even some decorative items- you can spot fireflies casually sitting in a jar close by, and burned wood, probably to . Probably to make light during the night. You're tired however, so you simply lay down again. Quite honestly, surely you should fee worried about the situation- but then again, there was no one to miss you, no place you called your home anyways. No use in worrying- because deep down, you had your suspicion.

A Jungkook swims to the surface with the plastic box in his arms, he's careful not to throw it too hard onto the ground. As he steps out the water, he's sure to at least try and his his hands of most the water before he goes to check on the blankets he had brought this early morning. They've dried enough, he notices, and is glad about that, as he picks one up.

You don't have to be cold anymore, he thinks.

He's unnaturally careful for his typical character- his usual behavior quite the opposite as it was now. Now, he's making sure you're properly tucked in, as he notices your eyes watching him.

He freezes, for a moment.

Jungkook hasn't really thought much about what would happen if you were to wake up- after all, Seokjin had told him he was unsure if you were to wake up this early in the first place, and Taehyung didn't even know if you would wake up at all. He'd told his younger brother to be prepared for any reaction really; fear, confusion, maybe even anger. But you seem calm, curious even, and Jungkook decides to sit down in front of your face, waiting.

"You brought me here, right?" You ask, and he nods, eyes not leaving your form.

"You-.. hurt." He points to the spot where your wound had been. "Also hurt." His hand points to your head. "Brothers, helped." He informs you, and you smile, nodding at his words. He suddenly looks at the ground, mumbling. "I.. worried. Thought... you, dying." He tells you, and you sit up slowly again, keeping the blanket around your shoulders.

"I'm not dead though." You say, and he nods. "Thank you, Jungkook. Now we're even." You say, and he tilts his head in confusion- a mannerism you could only think of as cute. "I saved you- you saved me." You say, and he smiles, nodding.

"I-" He starts, leaning forward a bit, now way more energetic and lighthearted as before. "I- we-" He growls a little in frustration, and you cant help but giggle at his troubles- the chirps and clicks escaping him foreign- but somehow, they feel hazy, as if your mind knows the language, but has forgotten what it meant. He's trying so hard you notice, and appreciate. "You like here?" He asks, and points around. You nod, and he beams at you. "I made." He tells you, proudly so.

"I guessed as much. Its very thoughtful of you, thank you." You say, and he nods, happy you like what he did for you. Its not a permanent solution, obviously, but as soon as you're healed well enough, he already planned a new spot for you to come with him.

You just don't know it yet.

There's a weird feeling inside of you.

It's like homesickness, you think. Every time you look at the waters, you feel- sad? It's making you uneasy, and with every day passing by, it just gets worse and worse. But it's today, that you cant take it.

When you dip your legs into the water, it soothes an ache you can't recognize ever having. It helps your skin, it somehow feels as if you're breathing again. But It's not enough, you think- before you let yourself fall into the deep end.

You're floating.

It's like leaving a stuffy and crowded mall, just to stand in a park, fresh air after it had rained, and light breeze clearing your head. Everything is silent, but not at the same time- the water around you feeling as if you're being hugged, held. It makes you relax, makes you let go, makes you only exist for a moment.

You're floating.

And there's a sudden wave of realization that you're also breathing. There's no water in your lungs- or maybe there is, and you just don't feel it being there. Darkness surrounds you as you don't know where you are exactly- theres no telling where is where, no way to know if you're upright or not. Maybe you've died?

Did you drown?

If you did, it would explain Jungkook being there. He's swimming towards you with a face full of worry, as he grabs your wrist and holds you close. "I can't even let you out of my sight for a mere day it seems, my love." He sighs, and your eyes widen. Its almost comedic how his own do the same, focusing on your neck, as he touches.

You're sensitive, and shift away from his touch.

"It-" He starts, now holding your shoulders, as he begins to smile. "It worked! It really did- by the dragon kind, you look absolutely divine!" He laughs, and can't help but hold your hands, eyes roaming your appearance, as you don't quite get it- until you follow his gaze.

Just like him, there's fins now on the sides of your calfs, smaller ones on your ankles as well. Theres also ones decorating your outer forearms- they look like the ones you'd always see on goldfish as a kid. There's something alike to scales as well, but barely noticable. "I- what happened to me?" You ask, and Junkook smiles.

"You.. almost died." He admits, taking your hand and swimming to what you assume is back towards the cave. "You had been robbed during the day, and when I found you.. well, you know what happened." He says. "While you were asleep, we were thinking about what to do. There was no way you would survive as a human- so, a friend of mine- Taehyung- performed a ritual, together with Seokjin, my brother." He says. You finally spot light, glad to be able to have at least some form of orientation. "I'm glad you're adjusting so quickly, my love." He states, smiling at you.

You notice the petname again.

"Jungkook-" You start, as you both reach the cave again, sitting on the edge of where the ground of the cave meets the water. "Why are you.. calling me that?" You ask, and Jungkook seems confused.

"Why do you ask?" He questions. And you don't quite follow, until he continues. "You're my mate- I am only addressing you as such."

Your eyes widen. "Wait- we're-" You start, and its only then that it clicks in Jungkooks head.

"Oh." He says- the dissapointment bitter and evident in his voice. "You.. didn't know?" He asks, and you shake your head, unsure what he means. "I see.." He tells you, suddenly distant. "I.. will bring you breakfast tomorrow.. sleep well." He abruptly says, and before you can say anything, he's already gone.

What just happened?

"There you are!" A voice says, deeper than Jungkooks, but not unfamiliar. Taehyung had been visiting and bringing you food and nescessities ever since that talk with Jungkook. This time, however, Taehyung seems like he wants to say something. You look at him, silently urging him, and he sits down next to you, sighing.

"Does he hate me?" You ask, quietly, and Taehyung looks sad.

"He could never." He says. "He just.. didn't take the rejection well. He'll need time to come around. It won't take that much time- his mother is already trying to get a new partner for him." He explains, and your head whips around towards him. "I- you.. did reject him, right?" He asks, slowly. "You do.. not love him, right?" He urges again, and you groan suddenly, throwing your face into your hands.

"Oh my god I'm so stupid.." You say. "It all.. everything was so overwhelming, I didn't even notice what he was doing." You cry into your hands, as Taehyungs hand places itself onto your back, trying to soothe you. "I though.. especially after I found out about his status.." You mumble. "How could he want me?" You ask, and Taehyung sighs.

"Head up, little siren." He says. "He's still able to hear you sing, if you want to." He says, and you look at him.

"But how?" You say. "I have no idea where the kingdom, or anything really is. And he won't come see me until its too late." You say.

"Well-" Taehyung says, standing up, and holding out his hand. "-allow me to escort the future princess to her lover."

"How did you find me?" He simply asks, not turning around, as you float closer. "I'm sorry, but I still need time to.. get over-" He starts, but you don't let him finish, instead leaning into his back, your arms around his middle.

"I'm stupid." You say. "I'm really, really stupid." He shakes his head, but you continue. "Just because I didn't realize- doesn't mean that I don't feel anything for you." You say. "I just.. felt unworthy, I guess. Insignificant." You admit, and he turns around, holding your face in his hands.

"You really are not gifted with the mind of the dragons king, my love." He states teasingly, the glimmer in his eyes returning. "My status means nothing to me, if that meant I could not have you." He says, and you lean forward, capturing his lips. "I hope you know what this meant, at least." He teases, and your eyes widen, scared you might've done something wrong. "It means you love me." He says, and you chuckle.

"Good." You say. "Because I do."

Even though he thinks you looked like a goddess reborn in your white and pearl decorated gown from the wedding, he enjoys you without it, close to him, just as much. He's alive, he's feeling, he's in love, as his hands move over your skin, his senses filled with you and nothing else.

The sounds you make for him are sweeter than any siren's song he's ever heard or could ever sing himself. No member of his kind is as enchanting as you, he decides, as he bites and kisses the sensitive skin of your neck. Jimin had teased him relentlessly the entire evening and night by trying to send you sweet words, to which you didn't react- but that didn't mean that it didn't piss him off.

You were his.

His princess- and soon to be queen, one day.

And he's planning on making that very evident, as he marks up your skin with little bites, visible for everyone to see. He wants everyone to know, even though by tomorrow, the entire Kingdom will celebrate the marriage of its prince anyways. He's more than ready to show you off, to hold you close, to have people see the divine being at his side that's you.

It's only natural for his hands to roam your skin, for his lips to worhip every inch it seems, as you reach out for his hand every second it leaves you. It's painfully endearing he thinks, how you can be so innocent and pure, while he's between your legs, performing the sinful act of pleasuring you with his mouth.

You pull him towards you, as you straddle his waist, leaning down to kiss him. He's in god's divine lands he thinks, as he suddenly feels you sinking down on his awaiting length. You fit around him perfectly, more so than he could've ever imagined. And as you both move, he holds you close, happy that here, in his world, he doesn't need to breathe.

He can kiss you as long as he wants.

(c)Bonny-Kookoo. I spilled strawberry milk on my poor laptop while writing this.

[sugar-petals]

SuperM as Boyfriends Headcanon

↪ caro’s note. extra long version because i miss ‘em. best boys, they’re all bf material to the moon and back ♡

5k words | bullet points

○ warnings ⚠️ 18+, dom/sub play, shibari, female reader, grinding, poly mentions, threesomes, face-sitting, femdom & vanilla, smut and fluff

⌈ ten

— motto: they won’t underestimate me for long.

most of your social environment is gonna be confused by ten at the beginning 

and don’t really get what he’s all about

or think he’s like whatever, some random guy in a tank top

acting peculiar

finding him kind of hard to gauge

some of your family and relatives might even think he’s totally unusual and a sneaky fuckboy making you mad 

they seriously wonder what you see in him

down the line that perception has turned by 180 degrees

as it should

ten becomes more irreplaceable, relatable, beautiful, perfect and impressive the more you know him

he’s not as mysterious and impossibly badass as everyone assumes

his personality is very approachable to you 

and you find him interesting in every aspect, looks to hobbies to background to personal habits

and also opinions because ten is a guy who really thinks stuff through

so you gotta be roughly on the same wavelength 

he likes discussing controversial and complicated stuff a lot for sure

being far wiser than his age suggests 

you are the first to share those things with him until the rest of the world catches up to this gem of a person

spending so much time with you

in the most personal way he can

he takes you to see the floating markets in bangkok, you spend the summer in thailand

wakeboarding and playing badminton

his entire family knows you inside out at some point this shit is serious

it’s very important to him to go back to the roots every now and then

and that you have been around his home city as well

getting to enjoy the area and time together eating the most savory delicacies

renting a boat and paddling you around to the important spots, he can explain any question you have

this kissing is gonna be so romantic 

who needs a vacation in venice when you can go to thailand with none other than ten himself as your ferryman let that sink in

except eating durian there he is, the boyfriend who can do anything!

with seemingly no effort

ten does little kind services of love for you throughout the day

he pours you herbal tea, fixes some furniture (he’s surprisingly good at tinkering), comes home from the bakery with your favorite pastry, does the laundry with your favorite fabric softener

he also goes on a huge shopping spree with you monthly because fashion is key in this household and it’s tremendous fun

you giggle when he puts on oversized shirts deliberately to look funny

everyone in the clothing store will think oh man what an adorable pair

ten will model the living hell out of the entire stock

and buy you the cape you really really want as a birthday present

said item turns out to be your favorite couple accessory

because you can sit next to each other on a bench at the river and wear it

what’s not to love about a portable blanket

of course he will take to instagram and make it such a cool thing, photographies of you wearing really cool coats and jackets

mirror bathroom selfies together as well, with a back hug, the classic

and not just for insta

you snuggle a lot generally

ten is always available for affection

and accepts all PDA

he’s a kitty after all, he loves the warmth of your body more than you know

remember how taemin said ten’s hands are always cold, newsflash not anymore since you stuff them into the pocket of your hoodie whenever you can

and hello sir your paws will be nice and cozy on my waist

or hand in hand when you waltz through your apartment

time for dance is a must

oh my god ten is so good at all of this

although say he’s definitely faster into latin than standard genres

tango argentino, he loves flamenco as well

don’t believe me? ten is a diehard rosalía stan!

vamos

so, no-brainer, expect a lot of dancy stuff 

that escalates into wild, passionate fucking

which probably looks like an aggressive form of couple exercises

you poor sore souls

ten’s lil kitty butt is falling apart from all the “i can handle a bigger one!”-level pegging and you have aching legs all over

favorite position? full nelson

if you ask me ten’s ass is probably so carved out by the end of this you could fit lucas and kai in there from head to toe

this is not for the faint of heart

sex with this guy is extra cardio

and if you’re into that a threesome is gonna go down sooner or later

with our girl lisa

there. i said it

miss manoban in those knee-high boots, grinding her thighs between yours and you finishing off on ten’s face? the fucking hottest thing ever i need a moment wow

i don’t have to tell you how orgasmic this is gonna be

steamy sex life with ten very recommended

⌈ kai

— motto: you’re like a precious rose. i’ll protect you forever.

to be straightforward with you

he is in so heavily in demand it’s madness

to give you an idea of the scale

mark is basically occupied by yuta until the end of time 

but kai has an entire idol fanclub on top of all erigoms

those sharp moves did not go unnoticed

he gets an inkigayo sandwich every other day

jesus christ

if rent-a-sexy-bf.com was a thing kai would be the most requested

his phone would be blowing up with contracts like

and you also have to pass kyungsoo’s vibe check

and taemin’s

the road to being kai’s gf is indeed the way of the samurai

i mean honestly: kim jongin is without a doubt the hardest member to get a date with

this has got to be the most selective man of the entire industry or something

if he likes you he REALLY likes you

and he will be the one showing initiative

because he wants to make it clear he isn’t just spending time out of politeness or something

although it’s pretty logical that if kai was unable to reject someone he would no longer be an idol but a harem husband busy every hour of the day

seoul would be able to found its own village 

kai town

where like 70% of the population is pregnant

but since kai wants to keep on dancing obviously and he wants to lend his heart to only one person 

seoul has to settle with a singular nini family house instead of a kai district

where you and the man himself are a full-fledged household basically since kai’s nieces double as actual kids

if you wanna be a young ass ‘mom but not mom with kids’ and be married to kim kai this is it

does he have a thing for milfs or something

that thought just came to my mind

anyway you’re mommy anyway wink wink

fucking til’ dawn until even his muscles hurt

going raw at the gym together

him cooking the most random food with the infamous waffle maker

cuddling with an army of teddy bears surrounding you

walking the dogs with the sexiest dancer alive 

and the sexiness is only the tip of the iceberg 

we know he’s all-round amazing

kai is the king of figuring out ways to chill out with you anywhere anytime

and yes innocent chilling

...unless you’re in the mood for something else

up to you

anyway

sweet innocent chilling for now... with the stunner... just smooching at best things aren’t going raw or anything

on the couch in the kitchen in the car when it’s parked somewhere in nature

kai takes you very seriously and is a great listener

he’s literally so respectful and open-minded i can’t

he will keep your secrets and stand up for you if it’s ever needed

yes he is extremely caring and invested

kai does not tolerate others being shady towards you

if there’s an instance where you are hurt and unable to assert yourself don’t worry. he knows how to confront others with measure but a firm determination.

kai takes a lot of that responsibility but only to the degree where you are comfortable

i think you get what i mean by that

and he is diplomatic instead of plain patronizing

you have a right to be protected. it means he not only treats you well, but also makes sure your well-being isn’t disturbed in any other way outside of the relationships

outside influences aren’t to be underestimated

and since kai is a godly man you encounter a lot of jealousy from others

a matter he will take into his hands since he knows he’s the reason

standing up for you also means saying no 

to these jealous voices so this is an important boundary he has to draw

that all kinds of hellbent people want to get into his pants and take his stage image too literally is not up to you to fix

kai is there for you to enjoy and love not to defend

that’d be exhausting and beside the point 

kai prevents stress and negativity to come to you

i hope i explained this well he doesn’t do this to be bossed up or make you weak it’s because he wants to make life easier for you

guys being protective will be chalked up as chauvinistic these days. often rightfully so 

but what i mean is that kai support you in all regards so you won’t be at a disadvantage or feel terrible about something

⌈ taeyong

— motto: we’ll take good care. enjoy the pleasure.

he’s the type of boyfriend who will ask you about things he missed out on while he was busy

things um from the internet

while mark literally knows that one by heart already taeyong will ask you things like what the wellerman song is

and you thought it would be something nsfw

i got you fooled

did we forget that the man literally watched nct memes on youtube

taeyong is both even more 18+ than you think but also even more innocent than you think it’s complicated

this man is just hard to describe he’s so different, i mean every person is unique but he’s an original it’s the extra mile you know

anyway

sea shanties

bopping to it all day since he just heard it 

singing it while he prepares dinner based on a youtube recipe video as he often does

he’s the most adorable person ever ever ever

asking you why shanties are back in fashion 

(good question, requires a deeper sociocultural analysis i reckon)

planning to remix one for his soundcloud lmao i kid you not

maybe your favorite shanty 

featuring fast-pace rap and all

creating his own previously unknown phrases and shit like that you know him

palazzo rocco lemon detox flashbacks

he’s hilarious i swear

taeyong will produce his own shanties for you can you imagine

as he says: my happiness is your happiness

watch out he will drop a shanty music video with extra krumping moves

taeyong is a never-ending source of pure crack

prepare to laugh a lot like, a lot lot

how can a man who seemingly has such a serious outlook on life and such a bonkers kinda face be so lighthearted

it’s like he’s peter pan or something

especially since he has to manage like over 20 brats in nct his cutesy behavior towards you as his gf will stand out to you

yeah so to be clear we all know he’s the cute one in the relationship

and guess who wears the pants

that’s always you ma’am don’t deny it

or wait 

not for long actually because they come off um physically

but not metaphorically

because who doesn’t wanna sit on his face tbh

your favorite reserved spot

he loves it

taeyong has such a thing for your body it’s ridiculous

mister lee got a sexy mama

and you have such a thing for the gloriousness that is him

but neither of you will not admit it as openly as other people would think

all there is... is being flustered

baekhyun probably has to play some cupid now and then

and give you some ideas

like gifting taeyong plushies and things like that

baekhyun knows what taeyong is all about so the advice is very welcome

but most things you find out for yourself

by being a little braver with him you know

you walking around naked in the apartment or basically fresh out the shower with nothing but a towel

will shake up taeyong so immensely, he will back himself against a wall without you even pinning him there lmao!

jeez he’s so deep into kinky stuff but easily shook anyway

i quote him again: “born to be cute, i dunno!”

you can imagine the overwhelm when you rub yourself against him like it’s nobody’s business

it’s so much fun to give taeyong a regular horny meltdown not gonna lie

this man was grinding his whole body all over the superm stage and now he’s basically freezing up and drooling

how many denied and ruined orgasms he’s gonna get, so much overstimulation all the way  

you’ll lose count of it

and just how wet you’re gonna be

is a thing for the history books

taeyong isn’t such a big deal in nct for no reason god gave him every talent 

so great sex is obviously in his repertoire

i think you’re gonna break some records for most fucks per week

you know... guys like lucas taemin kai and baekhyun spend more time wooing and teasing and flirting

but taeyong gets down to business

one glance is enough

⌈ lucas

— motto: the hottest couple around.

ah, big boy

you really got this man’s attention

doing nothing much at all really

he probably just saw you walking around talking to friends

carrying an impossibly huge veggie burger munching and enjoying yourself after going on a jog

yeah boy that’s how you catch his eye

they say love begins in the stomach and that is the true meaning

or the nose, your food smells really good, lucas is going crazy, he’s seeing stars and shit

anyway

the towering burger isn’t the only thing he wants

lucas cannot get you out of his mind no matter how much he tries to distract himself 

with more good food, movies, games

fooling around with wayv or the superm maknaes, and working out

he’s admittedly... a little himbo head over himbo heels with you the feels got to him

he’s not gonna say it’s a date he’s just gonna invite you just because

to hang out in the kitchen while taeyong cooks and baekhyun comes up with the idea to play twister

imagine lucas with his long arms and legs bending himself all over the place

fighting with kai who almost crashed his shoulders into taemin who avoided the accident quickly

making you lose a round

obviously lucas will hustle until your team wins

mostly because he’s so tall and baekhyun is so small which is a huge advantage when stacking each other over the map

let’s just face it baekhyun only suggested this game to bite everyone’s butts and to see you have skinship with lucas

which is definitely a successful plan of the leader

yukhei is in paradise 

jumping around his room like an oversized bunny after you went home

don’t lie, you fell hard for him as well he’s just such a presence

emotionally, physically

a gentle but persistent giant

he’ll do anything to make your relationship happen once he knows you’re interested

if there’s someone meant to be a boyfriend it’s gotta be him come on

he will cave in after a while and admit he can’t just forget about you 

not gonna lie

your ex is gonna be shaking in his ratty boots

his poor eyes will literally jop from their unexpecting sockets

when he sees lucas hanging out with you

with his shining blonde hair and tall stature, that perfect shapely body, with great fashion on top of that

looking like your guardian angel

man, xuxi really does

pulling you out of your slump that’s been going on for months

and bringing back smiles and a good time he knows how to do that best

and big big hugs of course

you can imagine how soothing and grounded it feels with such huge arms around you

he will make sure that feeling is always there when you need it

because you deserve that treatment

which means he will come over very very often

yeah get ready for how yukhei is a lot more driven than you think just dial and he will be there

underneath the meme surface is someone very determined who really really wants you

yukhei is chaotic good incarnate but in that area he isn’t messing around

his brain is like: “gotta be with her”

on repeat

he must call you, he literally can’t sleep without tying loose ends together as quickly as possible

no second wasted with this guy, even far down the relationship timeline

i really pity your ex 

i mean someone dating any superm member would drive their former partner completely nuts 

but lucas is a special case

he has that kind of look and aura that makes other guys dig themselves into the ground like wiggling worms or cope by fanboying over him

i don’t wanna make this sound like a competition and yet — congrats on your noodly blondie boyfriend alright

⌈ mark

— motto: two nerds in love.

how to explain this. mark is a perfect balance of a lover, a talker, and a shy bean

with a tendency toward bean

and flicking the bean

you know

cutting right to the chase are we

mark is very invested in pleasing you as good as he can

and defeating his awkwardness

because if we know one thing it’s that he always strives to become better and better like he can’t help it

and isn’t afraid of almost biting off more than he can chew

how many subunits is he part of at this point is it gonna be nct hollywood as well god dangit

back to the point mark doesn’t treat relationships and sex as something static which is a good and rare thing

he does his best and always looks for room to improve

while being very nervous, very bilingual, it takes two languages or more to express what he thinks about you let that sink in

that’s very shaky first date sex while being extremely in love with each other

lucky you

and an afterglow where he plays the guitar for you

that’s so nice 

he can play it while laying down and shit

while singing

not rapping, actual full-fledged serenading

we’ve heard how that sounds in the relay cam

are you dating some kind of teenage heartthrob or something huh

mark will make it very clear he’ll stick around, this bad bitch is here to stay

or actually, he’s a good bitch, don’t misunderstand

mark doesn’t have a lot of edgy in him unless rap is concerned

he’s the kinda guy to get lost in IKEA with 

having a good time 

as often as his schedule permits

you really have to make use of your time together 

this man might as well the busiest idol out there

and you are no different because birds of a feather

you’re both mr. and ms. independent 

out and about very often

so meeting up becomes something special during comeback season

or wait mark always has a comeback going on

which is a double-edged sword but something you both know you signed up for 

which is why you spend a lot of time around NCT dream, 127, and SuperM 

sm’s publicity agents have to work extra hard i’m telling you

a dating rumor is the last thing both of you would need

since you befriend several members you gotta stay on the low as well

but hey the rage of jealous people of the public is nothing compared to the force of nature that is yuta nakamoto

who seriously thinks himself threatened and robbed

in case you are feeling possessive as well...

...you might have to fistfight yuta

to be able to be with mark

who is basically property of osaka at this point

yuta is a scorpio that’s just the way it is

unlike taeyong who wishes his rap buddy the best, yuta kinda wants to be mark’s wingman and see him date, live his best life

but also have mark for himself to fawn over and to adore, to be fascinated by

we get it yuta. bisexual struggles. very understandable

you have to promise in person that mark doesn’t forget about the holy gaming nights with yuta 

which is hilarious since that’s not up to you but mark’s memory

bestie, yuta uses everyone as a scapegoat don’t sweat it too much

regardless you put a weekly reminder on the fridge

so the roaring lion yuta would be pacified

he doesn’t want to lose his sweetheart can you blame him

the ultimate but also most risky solution is obviously inviting yuta for movies 

which will be appreciated but also cause a storm

mark will definitely break a sweat when you start a popcorn war or try to prove who hugs mark the best 

caught in the middle of mayhem is mark lee’s specialty what did you expect

this either ends with murder or a chaotic open relationship down the line

yuta really is attached but who wouldn’t be

it could be worse mark has double the love you know 

⌈ baekhyun

— motto: you wanna know why i’m your candy?

baby tell me are you ridin’?

in fair verona where we lay our scene...

that baekhyun always wants to woo you — his way, which proves to be very interesting to say the least — is never hard to miss

putting in effort is mochi default mode 

no matter what stage of the relationship you’re in

he might as well regularly serenade you under your balcony in the backyard just because

probably singing ‘baby we can stay up’ and wiggling his ass in all directions because he’s a dirty boy gone wild

yeah. nowadays romeo is twerking instead of feuding with tybalt

that’s good for him and everyone involved

you in particular because you get some very racy eye candy

you know how baekhyun is

at least nobody’s around seeing him put on an 18+ show like that

your little guy is one unhinged fella

if it starts pouring he will grind up and down the next lantern and belt out ‘singing in the rain’

you bet he can do some actual pole dance

he’s strong and bendy you know

and loves to gyrate his whole bag of bones like... he wants to hit you with all the body rolls

in the rain

what a freaky man

but hey you wanna stay up for sure 

doesn’t take long until you beckon him to come upstairs

where the only way to alleviate him of his wet clothes—

oh well he has those roger rabbit vibes and you can’t be mad at it

he will play off all his hormonal antics

baekhyun is hilarious

and so perverted, he can keep up with your spicy idea of playing patty-cake don’t worry

how do i know you’re an extra nsfw kinda person?

who else would like baekhyun

he says juicy things all the time

and does juicy things

yes. finally a couple on eye level indeed. 

when baekhyun asks are you ridin’ you ask how hard 

bruh

this is gonna be fun

and remember

beside handing you sacks of money

his priority is always to make you smile

i’m kidding about the bags but

baekhyun is so rich it’ll show in your relationship, but he’s more about the interactions with you rather than the lifestyle

baekhyun didn’t hustle for a bentley he hustled to sing and get out of sm alive alright

financial stability: important

luxury: very nice to have, he can make you the presents you want to have and travel a lot together

but smiles: baekhyun priority

because he so badly wants to know you love him and adore him, he sometimes feels so insecure

of course you do

you always reassure him with your reactions

it’s very important to him don’t underestimate it

baekhyun has always been talking about his ideal type in terms of how he can cheer her up

so even the naughtiest sexy time evenings are gonna be filled with all giggles

anyway other than that your pussy will be dripping

because this guy is as horny as all other members of super m combined

and you have your ways of leaving him tongue-tied and wrists-tied

taemin’s impact

superm isn’t short of bondage supplies we all know that

so yeah. shibari baekhyun is gonna happen

since he does pilates imagine what kinda shapes you can bend this lil guy into

and take some pictures

privé is in trouble 

bondage model baekhyun is bursting onto the scene

you might even run a risque blog that features cropped pictures with him

heh — you think people will recognize him by his body?

nope

first: you only upload HD pictures that aren’t whitewashed

baekhyun is basically never photographed like that

second: who expects baekhyun to be featured on a bdsm blog with his girlfriend

and this is the guy that drives you around in his expensive car with his big black shades on 

well what can i say

nothing is the way it seems

⌈ taemin

— motto: i’ll unfold a whole new world for you.

taemin is cocky, he’s sensual, and: a very smiley person as we know

least boring relationship ever

he will prance toward you whenever he can to involve you in cuddles

touch-starved taemin is a thing

kkoong can tell you about it, he needs kisses and embraces so often

might as well pepper him with it no problem

and put him into your oversized sweaters when he eats ice cream on the sofa, watching movies, and you brush his ever-growing hair

he’s smol he’s gonna fit into them don’t worry

and on the other hand he likes a rough and tough girl who thinks of him like a boy toy

who acts tsundere or like his bodyguard

working out almost daily to the point of sweat all over

a gal probably able to pretzel minho lucas and chanyeol into one giant bundle

taemin truly has the taste of a divo

multi-layered as always

so you couldn’t say the relationship is always the same in sentiment, the vibe of the dynamic could be different every day

we love a complex man

what would be volatile to others is actually an advantage up close

because taemin understands every difficult facet of himself and his partner 

even if those facets might be contradictory

or something that’s felt shameful about

he will accept and listen anyway

the same goes for getting what drives you

taemin is like a walking psychology velvet couch with fancy swirls as arm rests

point is he isn’t fooled by the surface of the world

he knows what has to be known

which also means your looks aren’t the part he prioritizes

and not even outward personality and habit is what he’s drawn to

it’s the mentality and values underneath

that’s true compatibility to him and he can feel it

he’s really really smart

and also finds it important that you get along with shinee and superm, that you think they’re nice to be around and vice versa

especially kai as taemin’s absolute bearly bestie. if kai thinks you’re shady and you don’t like kai either

or if you’re permanently super awkward and taemin’s moodmaking doesn’t help

we have a problem

but fair enough

kai and taemin are basically one soul at this point so if taemin likes you jongin does anyway 

bff telepathy

in fact jongin was probably the one introducing you to taemin lmao!

because he knows you go well together instinctively and he is correct

so not to worry then

and it’s good on taemin to think longterm and not see you as a person outside of social interaction y’know

cough cough he thinks about marriage, you might be ms. lee one day

here he goes again taemin is just very mature seeing you as well-rounded in every aspect of life

without letting his dick make the important decisions at the detriment of making this a relationship of two lives not just two bodies only

but obviously don’t assume taemin is no horny devil. we all know he dreams of the freakiest scenarios and fantasies in this whole group

going kinda crazy about the thought of making you cum which he always wants to try with new methods

which occupies his mind more than a big bowl of super spicy noodles which is taemin’s favorite meal so

at the same time taemin junior is definitely the same clingy attention whore as his sparkly owner

limp wrists from all the handjobs on your side

and very swollen lips from giving all that head on his side

this is gonna be interesting

he puts the 6v6 in 69

equals 69v69 am i right

but i’m serious that’s gonna be a lot of oral action

you definitely ask each other about having sex very often, daily if you have the time and find a nice spot

and how on earth do both of you keep your hands off each other sleeping in one bed

taemin is touchy as hell with no shyness, and you squish squeeze and grope this guy like the mochi he is

ah when things go both ways

© submissive-bangtan 2017-2021. all rights reserved. do not repost or translate. all depictions fictional.

[baecvlt]

Stalker Nagito Komaeda x Milf!Reader

this was requested via my twitter:

“Hey! i’ve seen your works and I’m in love. Can I request smut where a stalker Nagito Komaeda becomes obsessed with a milf reader who moves into the neighborhood who’s like a dom in bed and ya know just large bust and taller than him. Thank youuu🤍”

a/n: ofc. but I have my own idea of a dom which i’ll use involving certain things (heed warnings)

warnings: he is so obviously a virgin in this, degradation, slight masochism, asphyxiation, spit, also Nagito calls the reader mommy (side note: nagito is in his early 20s in this, he lives alone. age of reader isn’t specified BUT I say she’s in her late 20s/early 30s)

• • •

It was a bright day...which Nagito despised. It was summer. He hated the sun, hated the mosquitoes, and the unnecessary humidity. It was days like these he wishes he was back at his university dorm. The A/C, the tall tree covering his window and blocking the sun...it was perfect. Hell, he didn’t even hate classes. Yet, he couldn’t live in the dorms forever. When it came time to buy a home, he stupidly did so in fall, moved in during the winter.

Well, no shit the home seemed perfect then. It wasn’t fucking summer. His A/C decided to break, his windows has a great view of the sun, and most of his friends were out of town (all except Hajime, but Hajime is fucking boring and a bummer). Nagito sat on his couch, watching reruns of old tv shows. He took a sip from his nearby glass (cold water), suddenly hearing sounds of what appeared to be a loading van. He looked outside his window.

A moving van?

Right, that one old man who lived there passed away. Freak accident, by the way. Oh well, may he rest in peace. Meanwhile, Nagito was being himself and trying to see who it was. Pretty much, the dude was being nosy. He saw another car pull up. That must’ve been the family’s car. Out jumped 3 kids, what appeared to be 2 girls and 1 boy. An adult stepped out. Nagito decided he’d get a better look at the situation. He put on his shirt, black jeans, and his green hood.

He was “going for a walk”.

Without being noticed, he made his way to the other side of the street. It was a woman, she was taking boxes out of the truck. The minute Nagito saw her it was if he was stricken by Cupid’s arrow. She was tall and beautiful. Her skin complimented her hair and her legs, he couldn’t take his eyes off them. Her breasts...he needed to stop—

“Hi!”

She was in front of him, a warm and inviting smile on her face. “H-Hi,” he muttered. She didn’t hear him well, so it helped that he waved. “I’m new in the neighborhood. We just moved in,” she added, putting the box down. She stuck her hand out, going for a handshake. He shook her hand, her warm hand against his cold ones. Why are his hands always cold? “I see,” he responded, getting his shit together,“I’m Nagito Komaeda. I live across the street”. She introduced herself and complimented his house.

“What a lovely home. I hope the neighborhood is just as lovely”

“It should be. It’s pretty quiet. There’s not many families here. Say, can I help you pack?”

“You’re too sweet! I’d really appreciate it”

He helped take all the boxes in her home, helping load a couch too, and help with other large objects. They finished in 9 hours, taking a majority of the day. “Thanks for helping out, Nagito”. She made a lemonade, handing him a glass.

“Don’t mention it! Also, thank you”

One of the kids ran in the living room where they sat on the couch. He gasped when he saw Nagito. “Mommy! That man looks dead!!!”. Nagito smiled, but his mom was not amused. “Michael! Apologize..”. The kid kept smiling and said,“Sorry!”. He ran to another room. “I’m so sorry,” she muttered. Nagito shook his head.

“Hey, I’m rather malnourished”

“Ha. On an unrelated topic, are you hungry? I could make us something”

“Oh, I shouldn’t linger any longer. I wouldn’t want to disturb your husband”

She laughed. “I know you mean no harm, but I’m not married,” she added. “Oh,” Nagito muttered,“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean it in any way”. She shook her head and reassured him it was fine. “Sit, Nagito,” she pulled out a chair,“I’m not letting you refuse having dinner with us. Especially since you were such help”. She rubbed his back before heading back into the kitchen to begin cooking.

She made him a bowl of pasta, adding chicken on the side. Nagito was quite happy. He hadn’t eaten a good meal in so long. Her kids didn’t eat at the table, but on the counter. Meanwhile, she ate with Nagito. Just as Nagito thought he couldn’t grow fonder of her, he did just that. All she did was let him talk about himself.

“Jesus, I’m sorry about your parents? How are you keeping yourself afloat with university and expenses?”

“Academic scholarships”

“Wow, you’re such a smart boy”

The way she phrased it made him flustered. “Thank you for the meal, ma’am,” he muttered,“I haven’t eaten like this in who knows how long”. She smiled tenderly, picking up his empty plate. “Seconds?”. He shook his head.

“No, thank you. I’m already so full”

“I’m glad. You know, there’s always a meal for you in store if you can do me a favor”

“What’s that?”

“My oldest daughter has her final test this week. You think you can help her study? I’ll make you a nice, warm meal every time you come over”

Nagito thought about it. He would also have time around her. Plus, she wasn’t a bad cook. “Of course, I look forward to it,” he told her. “Lovely”. He got up and excused himself to go home. “It was nice having you over, Nagito,” she said softly. He could tell she was getting sleepy. When people are tired, Nagito has noticed that their tone is rather sheepish. She walked him to the door, ruffling his hair playfully and he blushed. “Goodnight, neighbor”.

“Goodnight, you”

Before he left, she stopped him and handed him a paper: (xxx) xxx-xxxx ♡

“Call me when you get home so I have your number saved. Then, I can call you when my daughter, Vanessa, needs help. Take care, okay?”

He nodded.

She closed the door, his thoughts racing on his way home. He picked up some things about her, things she didn’t even tell him. He went home and opened a notebook, writing all of it down. He called her and she answered, her voice as sweet as when he left (only sleepier). “Hello?”. His breath was heavy without realizing it as he spoke. “H-Hey, you told me to call you,” he breathed,“It’s Nagito...Komaeda”

“Oh, hey, angel! I’m not interrupting anything am I?”

“What? No, it’s all good— why’d you think so?”

“You sound like you need to catch your breath, but anyway, thanks for calling me. I’ve saved your number now”

“Oh, great! Well, if that’s all, I’ll let you go to bed now”

“It was. Goodnight, Nagito”

“G-Goodnight”

He hung up, flustered more than ever as he continued to jot down his thoughts on paper. The next day, he woke up at 6am to wait in his car. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn’t help it. At around 7:41am, his front neighbor and kids headed for their car. Nagito, who had taken a light nap in the driver’s seat, was awoken by the car starting. He waited for the car to drive away just slightly past his house to start his own car, slowly tailing behind her.

He dropped her kids off at the nearby elementary. She got off, kissed them on their forehead (all minus the eldest, who walked swiftly through the gates). Seeing how she cared for them made Nagito feel bad, but all he did was brush that feeling off. Next, he followed her through her daily. As he did, his notes from last night echoed through his mind, adding new detail.

“She works at an office not everyday She doesn’t have allergies but is sensitive to dust Red seems to be her favorite color but always in a darker shade Her daughter is around 10 years old She isn’t vegan but enjoys almond milk Maybe has an issues with abandonment but I can’t assume that either She buys many apples but not the same amount of bananas at the store so maybe she only eats the bananas—”

Just more to add to his notebook.

He got home before she did, writing down what he had learned. His phone rang about an hour later of him getting home. He picked it up,“Hello?”. “Nagito, hi!”. It was her. He started having a mini-panic attack, because why would she be calling him? “H-Hey, how are you?”

“I’m doing alright. I was wondering if you could come over and tutor Vanessa”

Oh, thank god.

“Yes, of course. I’ll be down there right now”

“Great. See you then!”

He was relieved, heading to her home happily. He knocked on the door. When she opened it, she did so with the same warm smile as yesterday. “Thank you for coming over,” she said,“She’s in her room”. Nagito nodded, freezing when she grabbed his hand and took him to the room. Her touch was so soft, noted. They got to the room, where a girl was reading a book on a desk. “Nessa?”. The girl turned around.

“Nagito is going to be here for a few hours to help you out with homework and studying. He’s really smart, so pay attention and be respectful”

“Okay, mom”

She nodded, squeezing Nagito’s shoulder before leaving. Nagito approached the girl, she took her things out. Before he could speak, she stopped him. “Please don’t call me ‘Nessa’,” she whispered,“It’s bad enough my mom does, but not you, Please”.

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t planning on referring to you at all”

“Bastard”

“Nessa”

“I guess I walked right into that one”

Nagito laughed, grabbing a chair and sitting next to her. Her work wasn’t what he expected. Is this what they’re teaching kids now? He could’ve sworn he hadn’t seen this type of stuff until he hit middle school. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t do, but damn. All in all, tutoring went well. Vanessa actually learned something today. “Good job!,” he said. “Thank you,” she smiled and hugged him,“I felt so stupid”.

“Hey, its okay not to understand things”

Her mom walked in. “Dinner’s ready”. Vanessa got up and went to the kitchen. “How’d it go?,” she asked Nagito. “Went well, she gets the math now,” he answered. She smiled, thanking him for his help and asking him to join them for dinner. He’d be foolish not to, so he accepted the invite.

Fish tacos were served tonight with rice and beans, another lemonade made. It was different than anything Nagito had ever had, but that doesn’t equate to bad. He actually enjoyed the meal. The kids sat at the main table today, much more respectful than yesterday. “Michael how was school?”. He put a thumbs up, getting back to eating. “And Adrianna?”. She looked up from her meal and shrugged. “What’s wrong?”.

“I’m tired, but class was okay”

“Oh, okay. When you’re done, just take a quick shower and get to bed”

“Thanks”

Nagito thought it was endearing. Seeing how understanding and loving she was, it was refreshing. The kids all eventually left, Nagito finishing his meal. “Did you like it?”. He looked at her, nodding. “Great! Seconds?”.

“Full again. I don’t usually eat, but your food is always so good”

“Oh, you’re just saying things...”

“No, really! Thank you”

He said his goodbyes to the family, walking back home. It was as if he was falling for this woman more and more everyday. He went to sleep, this time dreaming of her. He never dreams, but this time he dreamt she was on her knees for him. Then, nothing else. It was as if his dream teased him.

The next morning, he woke up to some knocking on the door. He looked at the time. 8:23am. He put on a pair of jeans and his shirt, walking to his door. He opened it and there she stood, wearing a black dress and red heels. He assumed she had work and needed a favor before going. “Good morning,” he said.

“Were you following me yesterday?”

Shit.

“I, uh...,” he didn’t know what to answer. He was indeed following her yesterday. He also liked her, so if he straight up said that he was to following her, it’d ruin things. His face was glowing a shade of pink to a slight red as he thought of the right answer. He was still stumbling over his words. “I think it’s kinda cute,” she added. The fuck? “Huh?”. She pushed him inside the house, closing and locking the door behind him. “When a boy follows someone around, it’s because he wants something,” she added, but her tone was so sultry,“Well, Nagito—”. She pushed him onto the couch, leaning in front of him with her hands on his chest.

“—What do you want?”

None of what was happening felt real. Nagito couldn’t find the words to express what exactly he wanted. This was the first time he’d ever been in a situation like this, it wasn’t a bad one either. He began to panic when she straddled him. “Could it be that you wanted me?,” she asked. He frantically nodded and she laughed as she locked her lips with his. He gasped against her lips, kissing back. She slowly trailed her kisses down to his neck, cupping his jaw while grinding on his lap. Nagito moaned, his shaky hands grabbing her ass. She grabbed his hands and put them away from her. “It’s cute that you’re getting this carried away”.

“I’m sorry”

“No time to apologize. Get on your knees for mommy”

Nagito was about to lose his mind when she said that, but he obeyed. Her presence was domineering as he stood on his knees against his carpeted floor. She spread her legs, noticing Nagito desperately trying to get a look. Her red heel stopped him, stepping on his head lightly. “Am I teasing you?,” she asked,“It’s okay to be honest”.

“Y-You are, but its okay. I want to be teased by you”

“You’re adorable,” she took her heel off his head,“Let’s go to your room”.

He practically ran to his bed. He sat and waited patiently. She entered the room, heading to his bed. She began to take off his shirt, admiring his frame. She then unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. He kicked them off and sat down. She sat next to him. “Give me your hands”. She held them, frowning slightly. “Boo, they’re so cold,” she teased,“I’ll warm them up for you”. Carefully, she grabbed his left hand, putting his middle and ring finger in her mouth. She licked to his fingertips, leaving him tense and speechless. She stopped and smiled at him.

“This is your first time, isn’t it?”

He nodded shyly. “Don’t be shy,” she said,“I’m going to guide you, but I’m also going to have my fun”. He gulped, nodded. She stood up and removed her dress. She wore a lacy black bra and panties. She brought his hands to her breasts, allowing him to fondle them. They were huge in his hands. “You like them, baby?”. “Y-Yes,” he muttered,“Can you, uh, take....the bra off?”. He was ashamed when asking, he felt desperate. She smiled and nodded, unhooking it and allowing the bra to fall to the ground. He gasped at the sight of her tits, grabbing them. She straddled him.

“Do you know what to do with them?”

He nodded, rubbing one and sucking the other. She moaned sweetly, grinding on his lap. He popped his mouth off them. That was when she took the opportunity to knock him onto the bed. She began to make out with him, shoving his tongue down her throat. They lay sideways. Her hand was on his neck, slightly choking him. He couldn’t resist but try to grind on her lap. She laughed. “Look at you,” she mocked,“Humping my leg like a desperate little puppy”. She didn’t let him speak, sitting up and pushing him back down. “I’m going to give you what you want,” she whispered in his ear,“Take your cock out”.

He was nervous as he did, hands shaky. She blushed a bit at his size. “It’s so big,” she said, straddling him,“I’m going to have my way with it”. “Please, do what you want to me,” he begged,“Abuse me, please”. She didn’t speak, sinking down on it. Nagito gasped, she was extremely wet. She began to bring her hips up and land straight down on it, repeatedly. She put her hands around his throat, now being rougher. Nagito gasped for air, grabbing her hands.

That was a mistake.

“Hands down,” she ordered, striking him across the face. “Sorr-”. He was slapped once again. “Only speak when you’re spoken to”. He nodded as his stomach began to cave in. His cock twitched each time she slapped him, making her moan. She leaned forward, capturing his earlobe between her teeth. He winced, his hands tangling in the sheets. He felt as though his entire body was blushing.

“You’re so sensitive there”

She teased him, kissing the skin and nibbling. His hips involuntarily snapped upward, making her whine. “You’re so desperate, baby,” she laughed,“it’s so cute”. He could feel her warmth running along his cock. He bit into his hand, trying to stop himself from cumming inside her. It worked, but she didn’t like him doing that. She grabbed his hands and kissed them.

“Don’t hurt yourself, put them right here”

She placed them on her boobs. He watched them bounce up and down, grabbing them gently. His rather large hands seemed small on her tits. He was extremely flushed. He took them off her and placed them on her hips. “Open your mouth”. He lay back more and did as he was told. She leaned forward, grabbing his jaw again as she spit into it and kissed him. He moaned when she did, his urges getting the best to him and thrusting upward. He hit her cervix every time, causing her to produce the sweetest and sluttiest of moans. Her walls tightened around him and now he was whining. “Are you gonna cum, honeybun?,” she asked.

“Y-Yes..”

“Where do you wanna cum?”

“I wanna cum...everywhere. I want it. I want it so bad. I wanna cum inside and on your tits, on your ass, y-your face..mouth. Please let me cum, mommy”

She motivated him, riding him harder. “Come on, Nagito,” she whispered,“Cum for mommy. Cum all the way inside her”. He lost his mind after that, groaning as he shot his load(s) inside her. He was still inside her as he tried catching his breath. She rubbed his chest, shushing him. “Good boy, you did so well,” she cooed,“Such a good boy.” He was covering his face, embarrassed and still hard. “I wasn’t too rough, was I?,” she asked. He shook his head, thinking,“Not rough enough”. He whined when she got off, revealing he was still erect. She noticed.

“You wanna go again, baby? Kids don’t leave school till 2:30. We have time for an extra fuck”

“C-Can I?”

“Yes, dummy”

She let Nagito choose how to fuck her. He wanted missionary, mostly because he craved intimacy and she did not disappoint. She kissed and praised him, telling him he was good. She held onto him the whole time and cuddled him afterwards. Nagito felt so special, he felt loved. “I can come over when I don’t have work,” she said,“Would you like that?”.

“I’d love that actually”

“You make me happy, Nagito. I could stay here and cuddle all day”

“I feel so lucky”

He yawned, looking at the clock. “Its 10,” he told her. She nuzzled his chest, humming. “Mmmm, let’s take a small nap,” she whispered,“Okay?”. “Okay”. He kissed the top of her head and held her to him, slowly joining her in slumber.

[sugarmaplewings-fics]

Helping Their S/O Recover From Surgery

Pairing: BNHA Boys x reader

Warnings: Reader is in the hospital (obviously), several mentions of food and eating, medication mention, that should be it

Characters: Midoriya, Bakugou, Todoroki, Amajiki

A/N:

Wow, I actually completed a request in a timely fashion 😳

I hope this isn’t too terrible. My dad was disabled, so he had a lot of surgeries (maybe one every year or two). Ergo, I’ve had some experience being in hospitals, if not exactly in the position of the patient ヽ(；▽；)ノ It’s been some time tho, so idk, I might still be missing something.

Anyway, I hope you get well soon, @ure-a-sunflower! Thanks for the request, I’m really flattered that you think of me like this 😊 And never feel shy about sending me a hug! I love hugs :3

Enjoy!

-Sugar

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Midoriya:

● Midoriya is the type of guy who'll sit in the waiting room the entire time you're under

● He's a little worried about you, but he trusts that you'll make it through okay

● Trust me, he has plenty of experience being in hospitals (stop breaking ur bones >:()

● He'll be right at your bedside as soon as he's allowed to, whether you're awake or not

● As soon as you're awake and he's able to, he'll give you a nice hug (gently). He doesn't care if you're still in bed, he just wants to know you're okay

● He'll spend a lot of time with you while you recover, sitting in the chair by your bed

● Please please tell this boy it's okay for him to talk. He'll tell you everything he knows about heroes for hours and whether you care about what he's saying or not, it's totally worth it just to see the big smile on his face

● Either way, he'll talk to you almost the whole time. He's actually really fun to have a conversation with! You can talk to him about anything and he'll listen

● Will also play board games with you to pass the time, or any kind of small game he can find that you can both do on your bedside table

● He'll get you anything else you might want as well :)

● Once you're discharged, he'll stick around and help you out

● Again, if you need anything, he's got you

● Need someone to cook for you? If he can't do it himself, he'll ask his mom for help (pls, she cooks the best meals and she loves you so much)

● Will remind you to take your meds

● He'll take naps with you 🥺 He knows you're probably still tired out, so he's making sure you get plenty of rest

● Helps you with any wound care you might need, whether it's cleaning it or dressing it, he'll help out if you let him

● Just very much a sweet boi, 10/10 boyfriend

____________

Bakugou:

● He is very much concerned about you the whole time, he's just really good at hiding it

● As soon as he's allowed to visit you, he's there

● He'll come in quietly, scowling at the floor

● He has a bag with him that's got a container of food in it. He put a lot of effort into making it just for you, just the way you like, but it's likely he'll brush it off and claim it's leftovers

● Katsuki isn't exactly the best hospital buddy, but he'll try

● The thing is, he's not very talkative. He refuses to leave your room for too long, but he's more the type to just sit in the chair by the window (probably looking at his phone)

● You may think he's not paying you any attention, but he's spending time reading up on what condition you're in and how to make sure you recover properly

● He's there if you need him

●Will yell at the nurse / doctor if they're not taking care of you right

● Makes a comment at least once about how much he hates the smell (it's not you, it's the general hospital smell)

● Tries his best to cook for you as often as he can so you don't have to eat the hospital food there (might even give up trying to brush off how much he does for you)

● Gets you anything you need when you ask. As I said, he's not keen on leaving you in your room by yourself, but he won't say anything if you ask for something

● When it's time for you to go home, he'll just get even more clingy

● But not necessarily affectionate, oh no

● He was there when the doctor gave you guidelines for what to do during your recovery period, and he did his research

● You're not getting out of following it to the letter

● If you're supposed to stay in bed and rest, he'll make sure you're not getting up unless you absolutely have to. Also he'll do any kind of heavy lifting for you, just to be safe (and it’s totally not a bonus chance to lowkey show off how strong he is)

● If you need to incorporate more activity into your day, he'll be at your side. It's like a little date, taking a nice slow walk in the park

● He's also keeping tabs on how much water you're drinking. He always encourages you to drink plenty of water, but now he's even more on top of his game to remind you

● He'll also remind you to take your meds (aggressively but with love) :)

● And he'll drive you to your follow up visits with your doctor

● Bakugou will encourage you the best way he knows. He may come off harsh at times, but he just wants your healing process to go as smoothly as possible. He's not good with feelings and stuff, but this is how he shows you he cares

____________

Todoroki:

● Another sweet boi

● He knows what it's like to visit people in the hospital (ahem, his mom), so it wouldn't be too weird for him (not that it’s all that weird for any of them)

● He'd come and see you every day, and he'll bring you a little something each time, whether it's a snack, some flowers, a game or coloring book he thought you'd like, or even a little stuffed bear (or whatever your favorite animal is)

● His visits can be weirdly short though? Like, he doesn't know what to say, so he kind of just . . . leaves? Like wait come back

● He likes it when he can get you talking. He's not much of a talker himself, so it's easier if you can lead conversations

● But if you want him to, he will just keep you company in silence

● Master at staring off into space for long periods of time

● But every time he looks over at you, he gets this soft smile on his face and he's so cute

● He's trying his best

● He'll also help remind you of things when you're back home

● He's not the best at cooking, so he'll order you anything you want and eat it with you

● I'll state the obligatory "he provides that hot/cold treatment for any pain you might have" because he does and it works

● He'll go out with you to walk around, and just generally get you back into living your life

● Yeah, he's just really glad to see that you're healthy and he’s happy to help you out so your recovery is quick and easy

____________

Amajiki:

● Not gonna lie, he was a little nervous while you were having the surgery

● Not too bad, just some pacing around the waiting room, but he feels so much better once everything's over with

● Big on sitting next to your hospital bed and just holding your hand the whole time he's visiting

● Hates checking in every day (because ew, people, and also ew, walking through strange halls full of people and equipment and the lighting is funky and everything smells like hand sanitizer and—)

● But he does it for you, because you're the most important thing to him 🥺

● Oh, and he also gets really really quiet whenever the nurse comes in to check up on you and just kind of pretends like he doesn't exist for a moment while they do their thing

● He'll do something where he gets himself a boxed lunch or takeout and eat with you in your room at meal times

● Honestly though, he'll be happy when you're finally able to go back home

● He's a very sweet and doting boyfriend, and he'll make sure you're getting everything you need

● He'll do his best to help you readjust after everything, and he'll even stay by your side when you go for follow up appointments :]

● (His anxiety has that loophole where if you're ever anxious about doing something, he's able to take charge and help you out)

● Pls, I love him

═══════ ∘◦❦◦∘ ═══════

Taglist: @aahilovetheatre @basicalyrandom @hyunmin-1404 @kqtsukii @nabo39 @pyrofanatic @rainy-skys-and-bright-stars​ @sendhelpimstupid​ @xoxopam4​

[smells-like-mettaton]

Rating: T (for inherent neutral ending angst)

Summary: Toriel's old house feels like a mausoleum. She will gladly ignore chisp crumbs and lumpy mattresses for a place that feels more like home.  (Queen Toriel ending fic for Soriel Week 2021.)

Word Count: 5211

XXX

The bedroom was exactly how she left it. Her bed pushed up against the gray wall. A book about snails on the wooden desk. A knit sweater with the embroidered words "Mrs. Mom Lady" in the wardrobe.

Even after all this time, she could barely look at it without her soul splitting in two.

She'd known this wouldn't be easy. She hadn't seen this house in over a century. Still, she wasn't prepared for how Asgore had sealed up her old room like a tomb, a photograph of the day that everything went terribly, horribly wrong.

At least the last child was safe. They should not have had to take a life to save their own, but she doubted Asgore had given them a choice.  Her own soul felt more numb than anything.  To her, Asgore had died a century ago.

What was done, was done. And as usual, she was too late to do anything but sweep up the dust.

She backed through the doorframe, shutting the door with a quiet click. She would have to return eventually, but for now, she yearned for a place with fewer painful memories.

"Hey, Your Majesty." A voice startled her as she attempted to escape the foyer. Luckily it was a voice she would always recognize.

"Hello, old friend." She turned and smiled at the monster leaning against the stair railing.

He was smaller than she expected, with that deep voice. Not that that was a bad thing. As for him being a skeleton, that had been apparent from the abundance of bone puns.

"You know the formality is unnecessary," she told him softly.

"Is it?" He shuffled from foot to slippered foot. 

In all her time of joking with him through the door, she had never expected him to be so cute. 

"Didn't want to assume, old lady."

He winked, and she felt a weight lift from her chest. At least one monster would still treat her like a person, and not like a mythical figure returned to save them.

"Toriel," she introduced herself for the first time. He had to have heard already, but between rushing to the palace, scattering Asgore's dust, comforting their—her people… she hadn't had time to seek out her friend.

He seemed to feel comfortable walking right into her home, though. Did he ever visit Asgore when he was here? Her friend seemed like the type of monster who went wherever he felt like, and Asgore, for all his flaws, had never turned a monster away from his home.

"Sans." He held out a bony hand. "Sans the skeleton."

"Nice to meet you, Sans," she tested out the name and clasped his hand with her paw.

A loud pthbbbbbt echoed through the empty hall. Her eyes widened.

"Wow, Toriel. That's, uh, some way to make an introduction." He winked.

She squinted down at the inflatable object in his hand, the source of the farting noise. Then she pretended to ignore it.

"It certainly is. I was not aware that skeletons were capable of flatulence."

His eyelights gutted for a moment before he burst out laughing.

"Your jokes are even better in person," he said once he composed himself.

His laugh set her soul fluttering. In all their conversations through the door, he'd never laughed like that. Maybe she should have tried fart jokes sooner.

"I am always happy to tickle your funny bone." She smiled, and his face tinged blue.

"Happy to be tickled. But, uh. I guess that's not all I'm here for?"

Her breath caught in her lungs. Of course he would not visit without a reason. 

"I suppose not. Would you like to have a seat?"

"It's nothing that serious," he assured her quickly. "I just thought you'd want an update on the kid."

"You've spoken with them? They are still here?"  She tried to keep the hysteria from her voice.

How could they have taken Asgore’s soul and not returned home?  Had the Barrier proven too powerful?

"No—geez, I'm making this sound worse." He ran a bony palm down his face. "They’re definitely gone.  Papyrus tried to call them nonstop.  Besides that, you know the big stuff. The king's dead."

Her lips drew to a thin line, pulling tight across her fangs.

"I can hardly fault them for that."

"Right." He stuck his hands back in his pockets. "I gotta be honest. The way the kid looked when I last saw them… I don't think they did it."

Her brow furrowed. She was inclined to hope that the child had not chosen violence.  They had been so sweet, so eager to talk and joke with the monsters of the Ruins, so quick to hug her even after she’d fought them.  It was hard to imagine them striking down Asgore.

"But… then what do you think happened?"

Sans shrugged. "Wish I knew. I kept watch best I could, but…"

"I could not expect you to come between them and your king." As much as she wished he could have. She had hardly expected him to agree to watch over the human at all.

“Couldn’t have even if I wanted to.  These bones aren’t as sturdy as they look.  Maybe I shoulda listened to my bro and drank more milk...” He grimaced and glanced away.  “Anyway.  Like I said, I don’t know what happened.  Just.  Be careful, okay?”

“Careful?” She blinked.

“Yeah.  You never know.” His gaze flickered to a potted golden flower on the end table next to the stairs.

“Sans.  If I did not know better, that would sound like a threat.” She crouched down, so she could better meet his eyesockets. “Is there something you are trying to tell me?”

“Man. First I rip one in front of a lady, then I threaten her.  I’m makin’ a great first impression.”  He rocked back and forth on his slippers. “Look. Toriel. I don’t wanna scare you, ‘specially since today must’ve been hard. Real hard.”

His eyelights bored into her irises. She found herself needing to look away.

“It has certainly been… interesting. Moreso than any day since I last saw this place.” She suppressed a shudder.

Change. Her life had been constant for so long.  There would be no more of that, now. Hopefully that would be for the better, but only time would tell.

“Yeah. Being flung away from everything you’re used to… don’t imagine that’s a cakewalk. Don’t want you to worry about freaks hiding in the shadows on top of that.”

Somehow, she felt he made more sense when he was on the other side of a door. Knock-knock jokes had a formula. Just another normalcy she had forfeited, she supposed.

“Please, Sans. If you believe I am in danger, you may say so.”

“Fine. So.” He grinned, and she couldn’t help a snort.

“Alright, I suppose I walked into that one.” She smiled, despite his warning. “Under normal circumstances, I would say I could handle myself. But I must admit you are more updated on the state of the kingdom than I.  Do you have any information that could help?”

“...Not really?” His grin turned sheepish.  “You look like a tough lady. I bet my bones are rattling over nothing.”

“I would still humer-us you.”

He gave her a funny look. “You’re actually taking me seriously?”

“Why would I not? You are my friend.  Perhaps… my only friend, at this point,” she admitted.  It would be foolish to ignore a warning, even if it was based on gut feeling. Or, whatever skeletons had in place of a gut.

“Well.  Uh.  If someone, something, was behind the king’s… yeah. If it wasn’t the kid, whoever else it was might still be around. So.” He coughed. “Sounds stupid when I say it like that, huh.”

“It does not.  I think it is sweet that you are worried.” He wouldn’t be able to see her blush, thankfully. It had been a long time since anyone had looked out for her.

“Geez, Toriel.” He rubbed the back of his skull. “You’re gonna ruin my reputation.”

“What reputation? Are you typically a monster with a heart of bone?” she teased.

“Nah. I just don’t worry. Too much work.”  It was difficult to tell if he was joking.  “Guess I can make an exception this once, though.”

“Why, thank you, my friend.”  She had the sudden urge to reach out and squeeze his hand.  It would be more for her own comfort than his, so she did not act on it. “To be honest, your words are a relief. I do not mind the excuse to avoid this place.”

“Oh.” He sounded surprised. “You got somewhere else you’d rather be?”

She both did, and did not. How could she explain without sounding like a clinging child?

...Perhaps that was the wrong metaphor. She would have preferred her children to be a little clingier.

“‘Cause, uh, if you don’t mind a bit of mess… my door’s always open.”

She blinked at the offer. Had he felt the thoughts stirring in her soul?

She didn’t want to be alone. Not again. And she had told him the truth: there were unlikely to be any other monsters she knew still around. Perhaps Gerson; she and Asgore had always joked that he would outlive them.

That joke seemed awfully morbid now.

“Sorry. Was that too forward? Our friendship’s built off closed doors; guess we should just take 'em one at a—"

"No," she interjected too forcefully. “No. I would love to visit your home.”

Though she had never set foot there, she already suspected it would feel more like a home than this place.

“You really—? Great.” His skull tinged the faintest blue. “Just, uh, know that it’s nothing fancy.”

Toriel smiled. “‘Nothing fancy’ sounds wonderful at the moment.”

Perhaps wherever he lived would be out of the way enough that news of her return would be delayed. If she could be lucky enough to pass for an ordinary monster… well, that was likely too much to wish for. It certainly wasn’t becoming of a queen to hide from her subjects.

Stars, there was so much to get used to. So many formalities to reacquaint herself with.  She hoped such things would wait until tomorrow.

Sans returned her smile.

“In that case, I know a shortcut.”

XXX

She handled the shortcut well for a first-timer. No stumbling on the other end, no complaints of nausea or dizziness. Of course, she was a Queen. A Boss Monster. Why would a magic trick ruin her composure?

Sans wanted to laugh. All this time, he'd been joking with the Queen. She didn't seem to mind, but she could just be “humerus”ing him.

...Nah. She had every excuse to ignore him if she really wanted to. Instead she'd actually taken him up on his offer.

He almost forgot to drop her hand once their feet landed in the soft snow. Heh. Who was he kidding? It was just nice to feel her fur under his fingers. To touch her, and know that she was real.

"Oh!" Her eyes lit up, reflecting the gyftmas lights strung haphazardly around the house's columns. "I remember this place!"

"You do?" Sans's browbone furrowed.

"I saw it while travelling from the Ruins to…" she trailed off.  To stop the kid from fighting Asgore.

Sans felt stupid for not trying to stop them himself.  Not that a kid that determined would’ve listened, anyway.  Still… he’d believed in them.  Hoped that by some miracle, they’d get ‘em out of this mess.

Heh. That was too much pressure to put on a kid, even a determined one.

"Yeah." He coughed quietly. "Guess we're hard to miss. Papyrus did something to the Gyftmas lights—even when the CORE lights go out for the night, ours stay on. Never figured out how he pulled that off."

Toriel laughed before seeming to realize something.

"I will get to meet your brother!" She clasped her hands together. "I wish it had not come about for such an unhappy reason, but I am excited nonetheless."

He chuckled. Her excitement was contagious. That was something she and Papyrus had in common already.

He pushed the door open, called out for his brother—and noticed the monster sprawled out on his couch.

"Oh." Sans blinked at Undyne, who was snoring so loudly, he should've heard it from outside. Guess he'd been a little distracted. "Uh. This is awkward."

"What is it?" Toriel hung back, her head ducking through the doorframe. "Is your brother sleeping? I would not wish to wake him. You said he rarely sleeps, did you not?"

"Nah, it's not him. Forgot his pal's house burned down. Actually, I'm sure you met her. Undyne? Captain of the Royal Guard?"

"I… yes, we met." Toriel edged inside, closing the door behind her with a soft click. "She looks far more peaceful now than she did this morning. From what I understand, my ex-husband was something of a father to her."

"Something like that." Sans nodded in agreement. There hadn't even been a Royal Guard until Asgore created the position for her. Sans wondered if Toriel would keep it around now that Asgore was gone.

Welp. It wouldn't hurt, what with his suspicions about Papyrus's friend "Flowery." 

(Maybe Sans should let Toriel sleep on the top floor rather than the couch anyway. No dirt for stray flowers to get into up there.)

"Should we be staring?" Toriel said with a soft chuckle.

Sans shook his thoughts away. "Sorry. Just thinking. I, uh…"

There wasn't room on the top floor. Sans's lumpy, crumb-dusted mattress was out of the question. That left only Papyrus's bed, which while rarely in use, had too much sentimental value to give to Toriel without asking. Where was Papyrus, anyway?

"Undyne!" His brother practically kicked in the door. "I have returned with nutritious—oh!"

Papyrus's sockets blinked at Toriel. Then at Sans. Then at Toriel again.

(Undyne let out another loud snore.)

"Sans?”  Papyrus dropped his groceries on the table next to the pet rock. “Why didn't you tell me we had another guest??"  

Because he was an idiot who hadn't planned past one impulsive offer. His face went a little blue.

"I guest you would figure it out," he managed to joke. 

Toriel let out a bleating laugh at that. The suddenness of it was enough to jolt Undyne awake.

"NGAHH!!" She tried to leap off the couch, but ended up rolling onto the floor. "I'm here, Asgore! I won't—oh."

Her single eye blinked up at Toriel. 

"Papyrus?" Undyne hissed through her teeth. "Why didn't you tell me the Queen was coming??"

"Because I didn't know!" Papyrus replied brightly. 

"I, uh, promise I'm usually more professional than this." Undyne summoned an energy spear and used it to push herself to her feet. The attack left a small char mark on the carpet. "I am at your service, Your Majesty."

Sans thought she looked real professional in a pair of Papyrus's MTT-brand crop top pajamas. Toriel didn't comment on that though, instead opting for a matronly smile.

"There is no need for that, Captain. I am not here on business, but as a friend."

That smile turned towards Sans, and he fought back a blush.

"Yeah. I was just gonna, uh, make some dinner. Y'know, welcome our queen back with some Snowdin hospitality."

"Dinner?" Papyrus squinted suspiciously. "You don't cook dinner. I cook dinner."

"First time for everything, right?" Sans winked to hide his embarrassment. 

Of course Papyrus wouldn't buy his excuse. But he really didn't want his brother and Undyne worrying on top of Toriel. Granted, it was Undyne's job to worry about security threats… but she'd tear up the house's foundation if she thought an enemy might be hiding anywhere in a five-mile radius. 

"Sans," Toriel chided him. "You do not owe me that."

"Wowie! You must be a great influence on him, Bald Asgore!"

Toriel blinked before bursting out laughing. Sans's grin widened. 

"Her name is Toriel, bro."

"Of course!! Where are my manners?" Papyrus bustled past him to shake Toriel's paws. "I am the Great Papyrus! It's an honor to meet you, Queen Toriel!"

"The honor is mine. Sans has told me so much about you," she said, and Papyrus blushed pink.

"You? Know the new queen?" Undyne whispered to Sans while Papyrus and Toriel got acquainted.

"You know me. I know everyone." He winked.

"She came out of nowhere."

"Yeah. My bro and I know what that's like."

Undyne huffed, but Sans didn't offer a more thorough explanation.

Papyrus's affronted shout signalled that Toriel had dropped her first pun.

"I take it back! This is the worst day of my life!!" 

Sans met Toriel's eyes, and they both laughed.

"I suppose I will have to help Sans in the kitchen as my pun-ishment," she said with a coy wink.

"Normally I would object to a guest cooking, but in this case I will make an exception!" Papyrus turned on his heel and grabbed Undyne's arm. "We will clean up the living room in the meantime! Try not to corrupt the queen any further, Sans!!"

"Wouldn't dream of it, bro."

He gave a quick wink to Toriel behind Papyrus's back, and they moved to the kitchen.

"Did I actually upset him…?" She asked once they were out of earshot.

"Nah. He's just dramatic like that. He'll drop three puns per sentence when he thinks I'm not listening."

He turned away, rummaging through the fridge for something edible they could cook.  Discreetly, he tucked his empty chisp bag behind Papyrus’s spaghetti-filled tupperware.

“Oh, good.  I would not want to make a bad first impression.”

“Pfft. You’d have to try real hard to do that, Tori.  My bro sees the best in everyone.”  He smiled and pulled a “pupperoni” pizza out of the freezer.  It wasn’t anything fancy, but at least it would be edible.

He turned around, pizza in hand, and found Toriel staring at him oddly.

“What?”  His sockets widened.  “Uh, you’re not vegetarian, are you?”

She shook her head quickly, her gaze skimming off of his like oil from water.

“Pizza sounds lovely.  It has been quite some time since I had one.”

Sans didn’t pry, but he couldn’t help wondering what her expression had meant.  Had he said something weird?

...Oh.  He’d called her Tori, hadn’t he?  He should know better than to use nicknames without asking.  Papyrus hated them.

“Please, allow me.”  She held out her paws, so she couldn’t be too upset.

He handed over the pizza, and he jumped when fire flared to life in her palms.  For a moment he thought the fire would scorch the pizza beyond recognition, but the flames were just pleasantly warm.  He’d never known a monster other than Grillby to have such careful control of fire magic.

“Heh.  I didn’t know you were so hot, Toriel.”

As soon as he said it, he clamped his jaw shut.  Geez, how stupid could he be?  Making bad jokes was one thing, but flirting with bad jokes?

The fire went out.  She looked up abruptly—er, looked away from the pizza.  He was still a good two feet shorter than her.

“Tori was fine,” she said, her voice soft.

“Uh,” he replied intelligently. 

She suppressed a giggle, and he was pretty sure his face burned hotter than her fire had.  He could stand to take notes from Alphys and throw himself in the trash.

“Or not.  Whatever is comfortable for you,” she reassured him.  “Now, should we eat dinner before it gets cold?”

Eating was hardly something he could screw up at.

“Sure,” then after a pause, he tested, “Tori.”

Forget her fire magic.  Her smile could’ve heated the pizza all on its own.

XXX

For once in a hundred years, dinner was a warm and energetic affair.  In addition to the pizza, Papyrus had tossed together a salad from his fresh groceries, and Sans had briefly stepped out to grab a few orders of wings and fries.  In the end there was plenty of food for four hungry monsters.

Papyrus apologized for the lack of seating, but Toriel didn’t mind sitting on the couch squeezed between Sans and Undyne, eating off of paper plates.  She couldn’t imagine anywhere she would have felt more comfortable.

Before long, though, the day’s fatigue caught up with her.  She supposed it was to be expected—she wouldn’t regain her social stamina all at once.  

Sans caught her eye, and he nodded towards the stairs as Undyne and Papyrus “owned” each other in an MTT-Brand fighting game.

“Sorry.  I know they can be a bit much.” Sans rubbed the back of his skull.  

“They’re lovely.  I wish I had the energy to keep up with them.”  She smiled.

He leaned against the banister, smiling down at them.  Papyrus had gotten the upper hand this time, and was punching the air with joy.

“Me too,” Sans said, still looking away.  “I was thinking.  If you want a place to rest for the night, my bed’s open.”

She blinked.  Her face seemed to catch fire.  That was rather more… forward than she was expecting.  Sure, she had enjoyed his lighthearted flirting, and much as she tried to deny it, feelings had been growing in her for a long time.  But to have him return those feelings? And so boldly? It was as unfathomable as it was unlikely.

“I can get ya some fresh sheets, and I’ll crash in the shed.  My bro set up an, uh, guest room there when the human was in town.”

Oh.  She rubbed the heat from her face while he wasn’t looking.  How foolish could she be, to think he would be implying…? Well.

“I would not force you out of your room,” she said.  “If your brother prepared a guest room, I am sure that would be adequate.”

He let out a quick laugh.  “Uh, you’re not used to my brother’s… decorating.  Seriously, I don’t mind.”

She sighed.  If he insisted, she supposed it would be rude to deny his hospitality.

“Alright.  Thank you very much, Sans.”

“Great.”  He smiled back at her, then went into his brother’s room.  She waited patiently, and only jumped a little when he suddenly reappeared from the right hand door.  Perhaps the two rooms were connected in the back by a bathroom.

“Hotel Sans, one vacancy.”  He winked while holding the door open.

She chuckled behind her hand.  “You really did not have to resort to this.”

“Heh, I wouldn’t call it much of a resort.  The bed’s not even queen sized.”  He rubbed the back of his skull.

The bed was smaller than she was used to, but it did have fresh sheets.  That was the only fresh thing about the room.  Chisp crumbs had been brushed under the dresser, and… that was a tornado.  A self-sustaining trash tornado.  Though at least there was a pine-scented air freshener suspended in it.

“Sorry, it’s… really not much.  Uh.  Probably kinda insulting, expecting the Queen to sleep—”

“It’s perfect.”

He blinked.  “Huh?” 

“I am no stranger to a few crumbs, Sans.”

She remembered days that bled into weeks that bled into months.  Months where she couldn’t bring herself to clean, could hardly bring herself to care at all.  Months that had grown fewer and farther between since she’d met a friendly voice behind a door.

“I would’ve vacuumed,” he said sheepishly, “but I suck at it.”

More embarrassingly loud laughter burst from her.  In front of Sans, though, she didn’t feel the need to curtail her joy.

“Thank you.” She poured as much sincerity as she could into her voice.  

“‘S no problem, Tori.”  A light blue tinge warmed his cheekbones.  How could he possibly look so adorable? “Bathroom’s down the hall if you wanna wash up or anything.  And Undyne’ll be on the couch, so this is probably the safest place in the Underground right now.”

Her brow furrowed.  Sure enough, there was no bathroom door inside the room—he must have used one of his “shortcuts” to move from his brother’s room to here.

“So, uh.  I’ll be in the shed—uh, guest room if you need me.”  He flashed one more tense grin before turning to leave.

“Wait.” She stepped towards him without thinking.  

He looked up, one brow ridge raised.  She found herself biting her lip, wondering if she dared ask what her soul wanted.  It was silly, really.  She’d been on her own for years, decades.

Maybe that was why she was so hesitant to lose this one taste of companionship.

“I would feel… safer, if you would stay too.”  Her face burned beneath her fur, but she projected her usual composure.

“...Welp. Can’t say no to that, huh?”

She was about to reassure him that he could say no—that she was asking as his friend, not as his queen—but the soft smile on his face told her he already knew.  

He briefly left to grab a few things, then returned with a few pillows and, for some reason, a dog bed.

“You are not going to sleep on that,” she said in disbelief.

He flopped the dog bed in the middle of the floor and started fluffing it.  “Why not?  Gotta throw a dog bed a bone, right?”

“Sans.”  

The outdoor lights dimmed, as if at her command.  Only the colored Gyftmas lights outside and one dim indoor bulb lit the room.

Her confidence waned with the light.  What had she expected him to do?  She’d asked him to stay.  Unless she wanted to…

Oh, to hell with it.  She was too old to be so shy about these things.

“If you are not opposed,” she swallowed, “we could… share this mattress.”

When he looked up, she couldn’t make out his eyelights at all.  Their glow returned slowly, like the rising of the sun from her memories.

“Heh… you sure?  You don’t even know if I snore.”

She laughed and sat on the bed, patting the space beside her.  “You do not know if I snore, either.”

“Fair enough, Tori.”

They took turns cleaning up in the bathroom—she was imposing on Sans enough without adding the smell of dirty fur to his bed.  Then she did her best to ignore the flutterings in her soul as he slipped off his hoodie and climbed up onto the mattress.  She insisted he stay under the sheets; her fur would keep her warm enough with just the light blanket on top.  

The sheets were a barrier in name only.  There was only so much space on the mattress, so no matter how he adjusted and apologized, she could still feel the curve of his spine against hers.

It felt amazing.  It felt terrifying.  It felt like a mistake.  It felt like the only thing she’d ever done right.

The one saving grace of the whole situation was that it didn’t stir memories of Asgore.  Her royal beds had been triple the size of Sans’s lumpy mattress. She and her ex-husband had rarely slept back to back, and if they had, the feeling would have much different.

“...Tori?” Sans’s voice was just above a whisper.  “You, uh, still awake?”

As if she could sleep while enduring the wonderful agony of friendly touch for the first time in a century.

“Yes,” she replied softly.  “Am I taking up too much space?”

“No, ‘course not. I was just, uh… geez.” He sounded embarrassed.

Risking their precarious balance, she rolled over to face him.  Or to face the back of his skull, at least.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

“Doin’ sans-sational.” He chuckled to himself.  “Sorry.  Never got to use that one with you before.”

She would have laughed, had she not worried about shaking the whole mattress.

“It was sans-tastic,” she joked back, and he laughed again.

Then abruptly, his laughter cut off.

“Thanks, Tori,” he said in a quiet but firm voice.

“What for?” She wished she could take his hand, see his face, learn what thoughts were passing through his skull.  Instead she gave him as much space as physically possible… which still was not much.

A long, silent moment passed.  Had he fallen asleep?

“I know it’s not how you wanted,” he finally said, “but I’m glad I got to meet you.  So.  Thanks.”

Warmth spread outward from her soul to fill her whole body.  Sans could probably feel it radiating from her.

“Thank you, Sans.  If I had to return, knowing no one…”

He rolled to face her.  His eyelights were mere inches from her pupils.

“You would’ve been fine.  All you had to do was tell a few of your amazing jokes, and the whole Underground would’ve been linin’ up to be your pals.”

She suppressed a laugh.  “I hardly think that would be appropriate, under the circumstances.”

“Eh.”  He shrugged.  “Plenty of monsters in town cope with jokes.  You’d just be relating to the common folk.”

She stared into his sockets a little too intently.  At this distance, it easily made her dizzy.

“Would you be included in that demographic?” she couldn’t help asking.

“When I first met you?  For sure.” His gaze darted away.  “But it’s crazy.  Between you and the kid… I’m startin’ to think there’s more to life than good food and bad laughs.”

“Really?”  She and the child had made such an impact on him?

“I know.  Don’t tell Papyrus.  He wouldn’t believe you, anyway.” He winked.

“My lips are sealed.” She smiled.

Silence hung between them.  It should have felt awkward, but she couldn’t bring herself to turn away.  In the end it was Sans who yawned in her face and then hurriedly flipped back onto his other side.

She laughed, and clearly she was exhausted too, because she pressed a kiss to the back of his skull without thinking.

He froze.  She froze.  There was no way to play that off gracefully.  And there was no way she could fall asleep and pretend that it had not happened.

“Heh… those didn’t feel very sealed to me,” he finally rasped out.

It took her a moment to process what he meant.  Meanwhile her embarrassment only burned hotter.

“I am so sorry—”

“I’m not.” When he rolled back to face her, his face was bright blue.  “You’ll still be here when I wake up, right?”

His question was tinged with desperation.

“Of course,” she answered automatically, despite the many responsibilities that she would have to attend to in the morning.  She was the Queen once more.  If she had to, she could adjust the schedule of meetings and speeches to accommodate… this.

Whatever this was to be.

“Remind me in the morning,” he squeezed her hand, “that this is real.”

His hand quickly went limp.  She was worried for a moment, before she heard the faint snore escape his nasal cavity.

She gave him a fond smile, and allowed her own eyes to close.  She did not know if sleep would come or not.  She did not know what challenges the new day would bring, or what old challenges would continue to rear their heads.

But she did know that she was not alone.  For tonight, that was enough.

[supercorpkid]

It’s crossover season - Part 1

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader, Iron Man x TeamMate!Reader, Captain America x TeamMate!Reader, Doctor Strange x TeamMate!Reader, Thor x TeamMate!Reader, Black Widow x TeamMate!Reader, Hulk x TeamMate!Reader.

Word count: 2570.

For the Marvel fans: this is supposed to be happening between Age of Ultron and Civil War.

You’re in the living room with your moms. It’s Friday night and it’s Kara’s turn to pick the movie. It comes as no surprise when the three of you settle on the couch to watch Wizard of Oz, black and white version.

“Hey, you don’t want to miss this part!” Kara says when you stand up, so you can go to the kitchen to pick up more soda for yourself.

“You are aware this movie is not exactly new, right?” You ask and hear Lena’s chuckle in response.

“Can you get more wine for mom, baby?” Lena asks and you agree with your head, making your way to the kitchen despite Kara’s protests.

You finally picked up the soda can, wine bottle and some chocolates for the road when you hear a loud noise in the living room. You use your super speed to get there, and see Kara being pulled by a portal. But not any portal. Not Barry’s portal, or Cisco’ dimensional portals. Something completely different you never saw before.

“Momma!” You drop everything you’re holding and run to the portal, pushing Kara out of the way. So the portal sucks you in, instead.

“Kid, no!” You hear Kara’s voice and you see her on the other side, but it’s too late. Wherever this portal is heading to, you’re going.

“You’ll find me!” You yell back. And both of your moms faces disappear. “Please, find me.” You whisper.

You fall on the floor with a loud thud. You look around to four guys and one woman staring at you from across the room. You sure never saw them before. There’s a table in the middle. One of them is standing in front of it, staring right at you. He has dark hair, a weird beard style, and you can see something blue glowing on his chest, even though he is wearing a shirt. That’s guy number 1.

Guy number 2 is next to him, in much fancier and weirder clothes. He is wearing a cape (capes are lame, did he not get the memo?), and he also has a weird beard (you’re starting to think it’s fashion).

Sitting behind them is a red haired woman, all dressed in black. She has her legs up the table, giving off an ‘I don’t care about anything’ kind of vibe.

Next to her, guy number 3, is wearing a blue shirt very tight around his muscles, he is definitely the strongest, but his baby blue eyes give you the idea that he is sweet.

And last, guy number 4, is in the back. Arms crossed over, in his lab clothes and glasses. He looks like the sweet science guy.

“A kid!” Guy nº 1 says pointing at you, like no one else can see you’re sitting there in front of them. “I said: find us back-up, and you bring me a child, Strange?”

“I don’t think the child is supposed to be here.” Guy nº 2, or rather cape-guy, answers back.

“No shit, Einstein! It’s a kid!” Guy nº1 snaps back.

“Language!” You and Guy nº 3, baby blue eyes guy, make chorus.

“Great! Just what we needed, a mini Steve Rogers!”

“I’m not a kid!” You finally find something worth saying and you see some eyes rolling at that information.

“Excuse me, miss. The adults are talking.”

“Rude.” You stand up, putting your hands on your waist. “You’re the one who brought me here, mister…?”

“You don’t know who I am?” Guy nº1 asks, so full of himself.

“Should I?” Your answer makes all of his friends smile and try to cover up. He exhales, exasperated.

“I’m Tony Stark, kid.” You blink at him, like he said literally nothing. “I am Iron Man.” He answers like that sentence is supposed to impact you somehow. You shrug and look behind him. To the man with a cape.

“Doctor Strange.” He says with a nod. “I’m the one who brought you here.”

“Banner. Um, Bruce. Bruce Banner.” Lab coat guy answers. He seems sweet looking lost between these people, so you smile at him.

“Steve Rogers.” Baby-blue-eyed guy waves. “Captain America.”

“Natasha Romanoff.” The only other woman in the room adds. “Black Widow.”

“And we are the Avengers.” Mister Stark says and you bite your lips at the information. Should you know who the hell the Avengers are? You never once heard of them, and they all look too normal -except for Cape-guy- and too powerless. Although they could probably be thinking the same thing about you now, so you shouldn’t judge. For all you know, sweet small lab-coat guy in the back can be the most powerful ‘the Avengers’ of all time, and break you in half in one snap.

“Well, ‘the Avengers’ it’s very nice meeting all of you. But, well, if you all don’t mind, I would like to go back to my house and to my moms, please and thank you.” You say and Stark just sighs pointing at Strange.

“Strange, get the kid back to her moms and find someone who can really help in this fight.” He is looking less annoyed, and more tired. “We could seriously use some back-up for this.”

You furrow your brows at the sound of that. You can’t believe you’re even thinking about this, but then the words come out of your mouth before you can think twice or hold it back.

“I can be back-up.”

That could make anyone roll in their seats laughing, but they’re trying to be respectful, so Natasha covers her mouth so you don’t see her smile. Steve looks down with the same smile playing on his lips. Banner almost smiles too. Strange seems to study you for a second. But Stark is laughing hard at you. Ok, again, rude.

“What’s so funny? You said you need back-up. Cape-guy over there brought me here for a reason. I’m offering.”

“No offense kid, but you’re like 12.” Stark says and you roll your eyes.

“Offense very much taken, I’m 16!”

“Yes, well, you’re still a child who wants to go back to her mommies.” He mocks you, making you squint your eyes at him.

“Mister Stark, sir. May I ask what your powers are?”

“Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.” He says with a smirk on his lips.

“Oh, that’s it?” It’s time for you to smirk back. “I get now why you need back-up.”

“WOW!” That’s what leaves the whole group’s mouths.

“She’s got you there, Tony.” Banner chimes in, and you smile at yourself proudly.

“Oh really? What are your powers, smart mouth?” He asks thinking he has won, and that only makes you sorry for him.

“Genius, billionaire, I can’t really say that I’m a playboy, but I am a philanthropist.” Your smile comes after your feet leave the floor. “Also, I can fly.”

“So can most of the team.”

“Oh, then I guess most of the team also have super strength, super speed, freeze breath, heat vision, x-ray vision, invulnerability and draw their energies from the sun.”

“Holy shit.” Natasha says and you smile when you look at everyone’s impressed face.

“I think the child is supposed to be here.” Strange says and you agree with your head.

“She’s still a kid.” It’s what Stark says. “Cap, care to jump in here?”

Baby-blue-eyed guy stands up, walking towards you with a soft smile on his face. You smile back, landing on the floor.

“Ever been in a battle, kid?” He asks.

“Sure!” It’s what your mouth says, but deep inside you’re thinking this is insane. They didn’t want you; they didn’t go for you. They wanted your momma, who has real battle experience. You fought empty spaceships and won. Yay you. You have literally no other experience besides this one.

“Can you give us a minute?” Cap asks and you agree with your head, watching them going back to the table and closing the door in front of you. You sit on the floor, waiting for their decision. You want them to want you. It’s a weird feeling, but you want to be needed and respected, especially for your powers, since you don’t have a lot of that going around back home. But at the same time, you feel very scared of walking into a battle (is what he called, right?) with people who could definitely be your parents.

“She’s a kid, you guys can’t be seriously considering this.”

“She has more powers than all of us together, Tony.”

“You didn’t care about that when you recruited Wanda.”

“Wanda walked in on this by herself. Strange, how did we end up with a kid?”

“My magic was to bring someone powerful enough to help. She’s here. Which means she is powerful enough, otherwise the portal wouldn’t have pulled her here. I wasn’t aiming for a kid, but if a kid is what we got, we have to make-do.”

“I agree. She can be helpful.”

“Cap?”

“I don’t know guys, she-she looks twelve.”

“Steve gets it!”

“But she isn’t. She is sixteen. And she wants to help.”

“She is invulnerable, you know.”

“Fine, let’s take a vote. Who thinks the smart mouth should stay?”

You lower your glasses to see their hands. Natasha, Cap, Bruce and Strange raise their hands. You smile proud of yourself. Yeah! But also, no! Did you seriously just walk in a battle -that has nothing to do with you- on purpose?

The door opens a while later and you stand up, looking at ‘the Avengers’ on the other side. You have the biggest smile on your face.

“Oh, did I forget to mention I have super hearing?” You raise one eyebrow, and Stark sighs.

“Of course you do.” He rolls his eyes. “Do you even have a superhero name?”

“I’m Superkid.”

“It has kid in the name, I can’t take her seriously.” He bites back and looks around. “Come on, Strange, let’s try to get Thor back.”

“Wait.” You run after the two of them. “Mister Cape-guy, can you, um, just tell my moms I’m safe?”

“Don’t worry.” He reassures you. “I left a card.”

They resume walking and you look back at the rest of the team, still staring at you. You take a deep breath, and walk back to where they are.

“So, where am I?” You ask, looking at Cap, who just looks dumbfounded by your question.

“You’re on Earth, Superkid.”

“Right.” You laugh. “I meant, which Earth?”

“You mean there is more than one Earth?” Natasha asks and you shake your head agreeing.

“There are infinite Earths in the Multiverse.” You say, pulling up a chair and sitting across from them. “Mine is Earth-38, and the Flash lives on Earth-1, and the Titans on Earth-9, my cousin just joined. Oh, and there’s obviously Earth-X governed by the Nazis-”

“Wait, let me stop you right there.” Cap says, looking shocked by your revelations. “There’s an Earth where the Nazis won?”

“Well, Mister Cap, that’s what the multiverse is all about, isn’t it?” You clasp your hands in front of your body. “When a diversion event occurs, then a new Earth is created. Maybe you have a different name for that here, like alternative or parallel universe.” You look at Banner. “Elseworlds?”

“Right. Pardon us.” Cap says with a smile. “Well, Banner, I believe that big- brain of yours, is filled with questions for our big-brained guest. Don’t let us keep you from it. Nat and I will go get Sam, Bucky and Wanda.”

You wait for the two other Avengers to leave, and you look back at Bruce, finally sitting on the table.

“That’s a lot of people. Mister Stark, Cape-guy, Cap, Natasha, Thor, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, you…” You startle yourself when you count all of them on your fingers. That’s a hell of a team, bigger than the Justice League for sure.

“And it’s not even half of it.” He adds to your confusion.

“That’s a lot of super-heroes for only one Earth.” You look at him with puzzling eyes. “What is your super power, Mister Banner?”

“I-well-” He shuffles around looking embarrassed to say it. “You’ll see in a bit, I suppose.”

“Ok.” You decide to let it go; you don’t want to make him uncomfortable. “What are we up against?”

Apparently, you’re up against alien invasion. You make sure you ask a couple times (or more), if the aliens are actually evil, without informing you’re an alien too. But yes, a bad horde of aliens coming to this Earth very, very soon.

Banner has about 20 questions about the Multiverse. You try your best to explain to him what you know about it, but it seems like this time you’re not even in the same Multiverse. Is there a multiverse of a multiverse?

Talking to Banner is great. He knows so much; you feel dumb around him. Is this how Jamie and Maya feel when you’re explaining something a little too far from their grasp? You don’t know how much time you two are bonding over science, when you hear a thunder sound and lightning falling close to where you are, and run to the window to check what’s going on. Soon, you see a guy, hammer in hand with lightning coming out of it. You look back at Banner, who smiles shyly.

“That would be Thor.”

“Can I?” You point at the window. You don’t know exactly why you’re asking for permission. You just don’t want to seem impolite.

“Of course.” He says and you open the window flying to where Thor is. Oh, he is strong. And he looks extremely powerful. You can’t control the excitement when he turns to you.

“New member?” He asks and you shrug as your answer. “I am Thor, son of Odin.”

“Superkid, daughter of Kara and Lena?”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Superkid-daughter-of-Kara-and-Lena.” Thor says with a puppy smile on his face. He puts his hammer on the ground and looks to the people coming from behind you to greet him. “Ready for battle?”

He reminds you so much of Kara. Puppy smile, blond hair, kind of dorky. You smile too, feeling your heart burst in excitement.

“I am now, Mister Thor.”

He pushes his cape out of his way, smile still on his lips, making his way inside the compound. You look at the way he walks, his muscles, long hair and red cape flying behind him. Wait, have you once said capes are lame? You take it back. Capes are the coolest! You look at his hammer on the ground with puzzling eyes.

“Mister Thor!” You call for him. He turns around to look at you, and the rest of the team also stops to watch you. You walk to the hammer, picking it up from the floor, and pointing at him. “You’ve left your hammer!”

“WHAT THE FUCK!”

Post-credit scene:

“Oh, how polite, they left a card.” Lena picks it up from the floor. “They kidnapped our daughter and left a card.”

“What does it say?” Kara asks, standing up from the floor, where she has been crying for the past two minutes.

“177A, Bleecker St. New York.”

“They left a puzzle?” Kara takes the card away from Lena’s hand. “They took my daughter and left a puzzle? What kind of villain does that?”

“It’s an address, Kara.” Lena holds her shoulder. “Don’t worry, honey. We’ll find her.”

Notes:

So @oncemoonie prompted a marvel crossover and I am having so much fun with this, I hope you guys are too, cause more is coming!

[likeshipsonthesea]

I don’t know if you take requests for nurseydex fics... but if you do the song “omg did she call him baby” by Beth McCarthy screams a heartbroken Nursey when Dex has a girlfriend

i like really can’t do genuine heartbreak but i CAN do angst that ends happy, so here’s my best shot :)

Nursey’s got a red Solo cup in one hand and a plastic champagne flute in the other and it’s sometime after three but before five and he is definitely not thinking about her or him or them together when he looks up between one sip and another to see the telltale blue hair reflecting the murky spotlights of the basement.

Nursey squints. He could be making things up--his brain is nice like that-- but he doesn’t think he’s imagining things. She’s got very distinctive hair, Dex’s--girlfriend. It’d been rather disappointing, actually, the blue hair. The whole thing had been easier to deal with when he’d been picturing some light-haired brunette going for an economics degree who smiled like a mom at soccer practice. Someone who Nursey could reasonably dislike on grounds of, like, predictability.

But no, Dex had to bring home a blue-haired physics major with a nose ring and good taste in music and the ability to out-argue Shitty while polishing off Bitty’s pie, i.e. perfect. Even Lardo couldn’t pretend like she wasn’t awesome for Nursey’s sake. Even Nursey can’t pretend like Amanda isn’t awesome for his own sake. She’s just so--so--

Nursey squints.

So-- making out with some random girl in a blouse at a frat party.

What the fuck.

Nursey is about two margaritas and three years too deep to be dealing with the emotional ramifications of catching the girlfriend of his best friend (who he’s also kind of sort of possibly maybe totally in love with) macking on some consultant for Goldman Sachs or some shit in the basement of arguably one of the worst frats at Samwell. This one doesn’t even have good music, Nursey’s only here to get drunk without the possibility of Dex calling Nursey Patrol and helping Nursey up the stairs and saying nothing about the poetry Nursey spills or the way his hands linger.

(Fuck does Nursey hate Nursey Patrol, fuck does he hate how much he loves it.)

Nursey downs the rest of the champagne flute--which was probably mostly orange juice at this point anyway-- and hands the red Solo cup to a freshman gearing himself up to talk to a cute boy a few feet away and then Nursey gets the fuck out of dodge. He manages to get a better look at the corporate recruiter Amanda is cheating on Dex with (and really, if you’re going to cheat on Dex, you’re really going to pick a chick in a blouse that probably has opinions on the stock market???) and if he hadn’t been sure before, the distinctive tattoo on Amanda’s shoulder proves that it’s really her.

(“Tattoos? Tattoos? I have tattoos.” “I know you do, Nurse.” “They’re really nice tattoos.” “I know they are, Nurse.”)

Emerging from the basement and then the frat house itself is instantly sobering. The chill from winter hasn’t quite left the air at night and Nursey wraps his arms around himself and doesn’t think about how Dex chirped him about not wearing a coat before he’d left. The frat isn’t far away from the Haus, thank god, but it is slightly farther when he turns left instead of right and then has to a backtrack a bit, but he still gets back in under ten minutes and he can still feel his hands, so overall, a win.

Attempting to get into the Haus quietly is a lost cause, given its one thousand year old floor and the fact that a ladybug could fart in the kitchen and wake up the guys in the attic. Still, Nursey gives it the good college try, which is why he’s creeping ridiculously through the living room when the light turns on suddenly and he screams, much to the amusement of Dex, standing in the kitchen doorway.

“Fuck, dude, what the fuck.”

Dex just smirks in that horribly attractive way of his. “How was the Psi-U basement?”

Nursey thinks of blue hair, washed out in the lights, Amanda’s hand on that girl’s cheek, the way Dex smiles when he’s around her. “Fine,” Nursey says, swaying.

The amusement falters and Nursey wishes he could figure out a way to keep the smile on Dex’s face the way Amanda does. Dex takes a step closer. “Are you alright?”

Nursey shakes his head violently and takes a step back, a step farther away. This is the part where he says yes, yes of course Dexy-darling, I’m right as rain, what about you? This is the part where Dex rolls his eyes and loops his arm around Nursey’s waist, his warm side pressed into Nursey’s. The part where they go upstairs, where Nursey writes his best poetry that he’s too embarrassed to write down when he’s sober, where Dex tells him to sleep well and lingers outside the doorway long enough for Nursey’s breathing to slow and then the floor creaks and Nursey knows he’s gone and wishes he’d held on just a little bit longer--

“Nursey, what’s wrong?”

Nursey shakes his head again. He means to say nothing, he means to say, I’m going to bed, he means to-- “Amanda, she--”

The concern turns to alarm. Why can’t Nursey ever make it better? “Is she alright? Did you see her? Is she okay?”

Nursey shakes his head again. He can’t seem to stop doing that. “She’s fine, she--she--” He swallows, and it’s sticky, cloying, citrusy and sweet on the back of his tongue. “She--there was this girl, she-- Amanda, she--”

Dex won’t stop frowning, concern knitting his eyebrows together with three short wrinkles, and Nursey has wanted to smooth them out with his fingertips every time he sees them since sophomore year, and he shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be telling Dex this while he’s drunk, shouldn’t be telling Dex this at all, but he’s Nursey’s friend first and Nursey has to believe he’d tell Dex regardless of the love thing, he must--

“She was kissing some girl. In the Psi-U basement.”

The wrinkles smooth out. The amusement returns. Nursey--he can’t make sense of it over the ringing in his ears. Why is Dex smiling? Did--did Nursey do that?

“Did she look like a lawyer?” he asks, and at Nursey’s confusion clarifies, “The girl Amanda was kissing. Did she look like a lawyer?” Nursey nods dumbly. Dex’s smile only grows. Nursey is so, so confused and also more in love than he’s ever been. “Finally. I just won fifty bucks.”

What the fuck. “What the fuck.”

Dex laughs--laughs. “The girl’s name is Tammy. She graduated last year and moved to Boston. Amanda’s been in love with her forever, and I bet her that she’d get with Tammy before I--” Flush appears high on Dex’s cheeks, the soft pink one that means embarrassment and Nursey imagines would taste like cherry pie against his lips.

Nursey is--still quite a bit drunk. He needs--clarification. “You--you bet your girlfriend that she would get with her friend at a frat party?”

Dex’s nose scrunches up in Nursey’s favorite way--the same way it does when he’s trying to write humanities essays, the reason Nursey always says yes when Dex asks for help. “Girlfriend? Did you think Amanda was my girlfriend?”

Nursey remembers the start, hearing about Amanda every other day, then every day, then it was, sorry I can’t come, I’m meeting Amanda at-- and then one day at Annie’s, a girl with blue hair and a sharp grin yelled Babe! from across the room and planted a kiss on Dex’s cheek, her hand lingering on his shoulder, sipping from his coffee cup, getting him to smile like that--

“Well, yeah.” Nursey’s head is spinning and, for the first time tonight, not from the gin. “Is she--is she not?”

“Oh God, no, she’s so fucking gay, dude.” Laughter twinkles in Dex’s eyes. Nursey is drunker than he’s been since freshmen year of high school when Shitty snuck in some of his dad’s hard liquor and the janitors found them on the roof singing Disney songs at the moon. Dex’s girlfriend is gay. Dex’s girlfriend isn’t his girlfriend. Dex is--is smiling at him like he smiles at his girlfriend who isn’t his girlfriend.

“Oh,” Nursey says, dazed, “chill.”

“Oh wow,” Dex grins, leaning into the doorframe, “I can’t believe you thought--and you thought telling me my girlfriend was cheating on me at 3am while shit-drunk was a good idea?”

Nursey says, “Hey, honesty is important, and I’m not--” He stops. He remembers something. He squints. “Wait. If you bet 50 bucks on Amanda getting with Tammy, who did Amanda bet you would get with?”

The cherry pie blush is back. Nursey takes an absent-minded step forward. The room feels so much lighter now that Dex’s girlfriend isn’t cheating on him. The distance between them feels so much sillier now that Dex doesn’t have a girlfriend.

“Ah, well.” Dex rubs at the back of his neck, all country bumpkin sheepish to ask his sweetheart to the dance, and--and--

“I’m the sweetheart,” Nursey realizes with the kind of crystal clarity only afforded by the most copious amounts of alcohol.

Dex’s eyebrows furrow, those sweet little wrinkles appearing between them, and Nursey takes two long strides forward and presses his thumb into them. Dex goes cross-eyed trying to watch, but moves his eyes to meet Nursey’s after a moment.

Nursey grins, likely a bit sloppy from the gin, but he can’t find it in himself to care at the moment. “I’m the sweetheart,” he repeats, beaming.

Dex tries to repress the smile at his lips. “You’re not a sweetheart.”

“Yes I am,” Nursey sings, listing forwards. “You like me.”

“You’re an asshole.” Dex’s smile grows. Nursey watches its progress and sways.

“They’re not mutually exclusive,” he says, tracking the pink lips as they spread, revealing teeth and--and tongue and--

“I hate that you can still say mutually exclusive when you’re this drunk.”

“I’m not that drunk.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm. See, I’ll prove it.”

“How do you plan on--”

If Dex’s mouth weren’t so preoccupied, he might say that the taste on Nursey’s tongue is a good indication that he is in fact fairly tipsy, but as it is--well. He’s got other things to do.

(Amanda asserts that they tied since it happened on the same night and only pays $25. Tammy throws in five more and a condom and they call it even. Nursey kisses away Dex’s protest and pockets the condom, much to Amanda’s amusement. Turns out, she’s even cooler when she isn’t dating the love of Nursey’s life.)

[namjoon-koya]

Do you watch Gakuen Babysitters? My favorite character is Kotaro who’s this sweet lil bean that’s usually quiet but he’s adorable! 🥰 I was wondering if you can do hc’s Hawks, Sero, Aizawa, and Tetsutetsu reacting to a fem!s/o’s baby brother visiting her in class or going to the teacher’s office to drop off her bento she forgot. All these up and coming pro hero’s or pro hero’s are just vibing and doing their thing but suddenly, this chubby lil intruder comes in with a bag for his sister and told her she forgot something. Let them die of cutness as she gives her baby bro “up’s”, kissing his face, and just seeing how caring she is to him. (For Hawks, I can see him being confused when there’s a little kid standing at his crush’s office but he’s too smol to reach the handle, so he lets him in)

(A/N: yess I’ve seen it. It’s a really adorable anime tbh :)

I can just imagine he’s running late because he forgot to put his alarm in the morning or forgot to put AM instead of PM.

Obviously though he’s going to fly to the agency because it’s quicker and he often likes viewing the city during the mornings too.

So when he makes it to the agency (Yes he’s going to go through the entrance bEcause his boss told him he couldn’t fly to his office anymore)

He’s greeted by some pro heroes as he walks in and of course with his million dollar smile he greets them back.

It’s a habit don’t blame him, but sometimes his eyes will wander to your office checking if you’re there since you always made his days better especially while being at work.

So what made him so confused today was seeing a child standing outside your office with a bento box in one hand and trying to reach the door handle with the other.

He’s going to look around and see if he sees their parents, but when he doesn’t he hesitantly walks up to the child.

The small little munchkin didn’t even notice him.. wow hawks thought he must really want to get inside your office if he doesn’t notice someone behind him..

“Yo.” He said getting the child’s attention. The child looked up at him before pointing at the door “do you know them?” Hawks asked shoving his hands into his pockets.

The child didn’t answer and only pointed at the door again, Hawks sighed. He opened the door to see you working on a few papers “huh? Hawks I thought you weren’t coming I didn’t see you in the morning.”

He chuckled “forgot to put my alarm this morning, but.. I got someone here for you.”

You cocked your head to the side seeing hawks bend down and pick something up once he was in full view you saw it was your baby brother?! What the heck was he even doing here?!

“A-Ah! What are you doing here all alone?!” You asked rushing to Hawk’s side.

Your brother only held out a Bento box “huh? I forgot my lunch.. t-thank you.” You said taking it from him and placing it on your desk “But that doesn’t answer the question how’s your get here?”

Suddenly you saw your mom and dad walk in the office “don’t worry Y/N he was with us, but he was really determined to deliver the bento box to you so we just decided to let him go.” You sighed in relief taking your brother out of hawk’s arms.

Your brother only wrapped his arms around your neck “I’m not mad at you, but you just really scared me for a moment.” You said placing a kiss on his cheek.

Hawks just.. blushes because he didn’t even realize how good you were with kids until he saw how you interacted with your brother.. and now he’s thinking if you’d be the same if you two had a family (NOT THAT HE WAS THINKING THAT FAR AHEAD YET) but still seeing you with a child just made his heart explode.

You two had a bet on who would take care of the little monsters of class 1A if one of you two lost.

Of course luck wasn’t on your side today and it had to be you “Good luck.” Aizawa mocked you “shUt up.” You said leaving to go to the classroom.

Honestly you didn’t mind though all the students in 1A adored you even Bakugou did! He always seemed to listen to strategies you gave them and even tried them out.

Aizawa of course was happily making his way to the teachers lounge when he noticed a very small child walking through the hallways while holding a bento box and he was like uH..

He saw Toshinori eyeing the child carefully too.. “hey Toshinori who’s child is that?” He asked walking beside him.

“He’s Y/N’s little brother his parents told me Y/N forgot her lunch at home and he was really determined to come drop it off..” Aizawa sighed.

“Does he even know where she is?” Toshinori only shrugged “I tried helping him.. he simply refused remind you of anyone?” He joked.

Obviously Toshinori and Aizawa are going to help lead the little munchkin to where class 1A was and once they made it Aizawa quietly and carefully opened the door a bit allowing your brother to slip right in.

As you were teaching you noticed a few students had drifted their eyes to the ground and some seemed to be blushing at something as well.. you looked down and saw your brother holding out the bento box.. HOW THE HECK WAS YOUR BROTHER HERE?!

“Huh?! What are you doing here?!” Of course he wasn’t going to answer you and still continued to hold out your lunch. You sighed and picked him up in your arms suddenly everyone started asking questions some asked if he was your child and some asked if you had a husband and you’re like “P-Please stop asking so many questions.”

The door fully opened and you saw Aizawa and Toshinori standing outside “Shōta? Toshinori? What are you guys doing here?” You asked as the students still continued to ask questions.

“You’re parents said you forgot your lunch today and your brother wanted to drop it off for you. Don’t worry they’re still in the office.” Toshinori clarified.

You let out a sigh before kissing your brother on his cheek “what am I going to do with you?”

Aizawa.ExE has stopped working.

Literally he’s seen the way you are with kids especially teenagers (often he can’t even deal with class 1A) and yet here you are having motherly instincts already and he feels like dying seeing it.

You were in a rush to get to school since you woke up late and didn’t even realize you had forgotten your lunch today.

Since your house wasn’t that far from UA you made it on time to class.

“Whoa! Y/N you only had 3 minutes to last before school started!” Sero said coming up to you.

“I-I forgot to put my alarm today my mom was the one who woke me up on time thankfully.” You said panting between words as you tried catching your breath.

“Dumbass that’s why you sleep early.” You heard Bakugou comment from behind you.

“Excuse me for not sleeping at 8 o’clock everyday Bakugou.” You sassed back at him.

Finally class had started at everyone was seated down in their seats as Aizawa started going over a few lessons. Everyone was writing down notes as Aizawa wrote things up on the chalkboard.

For the most part it was quiet everyone was so focused that they didn’t even hear the door open up quietly Aizawa stopped talking and that’s when everyone looked up at him only to see a child standing next to him holding a bento box.

Everyone started mumbling asking who the child belonged to, suddenly they noticed the child finally notice someone they recognized he started walking over to where you were, but you didn’t even notice your brother until you heard a soft “neechan.” You looked up finally.

“Huh? What? How on earth did you get here?” You said as he walked over to your desk and held out the bento box. You picked him up and placed him in your lap everyone gathered around your desk to take a closer look at your brother.

“Wow Y/N! He definitely has your eyes!” Mina commented.

“He doesn’t seem to smile much does he?” Midoriya asked.

“He’s really quiet and shy the most of the time you informed.

Sero, Kirishima, Bakugou, and Kaminari sat in the back observing everyone.

Sero couldn’t help, but blush at the way you acted motherly to your brother. He knew it was still too early to think about kids in the future, but man he knew you’d make a great mom..

“Sero don’t tell me you’re thinking about..” Kirishima commented.

“I-I’m not!”

“Sure you’re not dumbass we can see it written all over your face.”

You tend to forget a lot of things at times especially when you’re too focused on school.

You didn’t even realize that you had forgotten your lunch at home! And throughout the day you still couldn’t remember about it.

As you sat in class some students chattered away (especially Monoma and doing his dramatic laugh as always) you continued to gaze out the window until Tetsutetsu came up to you.

The both of you had always been close especially on the first day of school he actually just came up to you and started talking to you about random things.

It felt nice having him around he talked about Kirishima (who had a really similar quirk to his) and how their internship went.

You tended to listen more than talk you weren’t really a talkative person, but you always did pay attention to someone when they were telling you a story and something that happened to them yesterday.

You suddenly heard a gasp from Monoma he went to the front of the classroom and picked up something “now now who’s child is this?” He said holding them.

That’s when you saw it was your brother “Monoma!” You said getting up from your seat and walking over to him “don’t hold my brother like that! You have to hold kids gently.” You said grabbing your brother from him and carrying him in a more comfortable position.

“Hey what does he have?” Tetsutetsu asked walking up beside you, your brother said “neechan.” While holding the bento box he was carrying “h-huh? I guess I forgot my lunch.. aw you saved the day for me didn’t you? Look at you, you might already beat the number one hero.” You said kissing his cheek.

Everyone just smiled at the affection you were giving your brother, but Tetsutetsu was thinking other things.. you definitely had a good connection with children and definitely had good motherly instincts.. God he didn’t think he could fall more deeper in love with you..

“Tetsutetsu~ are you blushing because you’re thinking of the future with a certain someone?” Kendo teased.

“N-No! Stop reading my thoughts!”

[redrobin-detective]

the end is where we start from

What we call the beginning is often the end / And to make an end is to make a beginning / The end is where we start from. ~ T.S. Elliot, Little Giddings

Danny was running, he didn’t know where to all he knew was who he was running from. He didn’t know if his parents were even coming after him, guns blazing and mouths sneering but he didn’t dare turn around to look. Maybe they weren’t even going to bother chasing him, maybe they were just happy the ghostly scum was out of their house. 

He saw the entrance to Amity’s deepest woods and he darted for it. It was dark and thick and easy to lose yourself in so people usually thought twice before they entered. But people like Danny had little else to lose. The sting of branches swiping at him before he could turn intangible, giant, gnarling roots tripping him up before he could float over him. But he didn’t dare slow down because that would mean acknowledging what had happened.

Another missed curfew, another argument where he and his parents talked about but around each other. Another ghost showing up just as he got dressed for bed, another transformation to take care of it before he could get some sleep. Only the same old script flipped on itself when Mom opened the door, bringing in some tea as an apology for her harsh words just into time to see her son become a ghost. Her gun was drawn before the cup hit the floor and shattered, along with Danny’s heart.

Deep in the thicket of the woods, his human lungs burned and his living muscles ached but he couldn’t turn into Phantom now. Not when it was the stupid ghost’s fault he wasn’t welcome in his own home anymore.

‘What are you doing with my son, ghost?’

‘Mom, please it’s Danny I can explain, please would you just listen?’

‘You can’t be alive and dead at the same time! It’s impossible!’ Oh god my baby died and I didn’t even notice’

‘Mom, Dad, listen to Danny, he’s telling the truth. This is why he never-’

‘Jasmine, you’ve been deceived that’s what ghosts do! That’s what Phantom in particular is known for!’

“Jazzy, Danno, I want to believe you, but it’s a lot to take in. Let us run some tests to make sure.’

‘Danny! Danny wait! Come back!’

Eventually his human body ran out of steam, adrenaline and desperation can only take a person so far. His speeding gait slowed to a lopping jog before settling into a quiet, miserable walk. He squeezed his eyes shut and dared to look over his shoulder but, of course, no one was there. It was just him, the darkness and his own woes.

“What am I going to do now?” He asked quietly, weakly as he fought back panicked tears. All he could see was his mother’s angry, grieving face. His father’s confusion as he tried to make sense of it all while trying to keep the peace. Jazz’s frustration and futile attempts to shield Danny from the worst of the shouting.

He had nothing on his person, why would he? He’d been about ready to go to bed when his whole world came crashing down. His worn Star Wars t-shirt and sweatpants offered little protection from the gloomy October weather but Danny’s ice core more than protected him from the chill. He welcomed it if anything, it matched the ice growing in his heart. No money to escape with, no phone to call for help, no tools to contain any ghosts he battled. He hadn’t even had dinner last night, too busy fighting ghosts. For the first time, Danny was well and truly on his own. Not even dying had seemed so scary.

“I can handle this,” Danny said with false calm. It was pitch dark around him but a little ectoplasmic light brightened the area up. “I’ll just stay here for the night and then I’ll check in tomorrow. If things are still bad, I’ll grab my gear and go.” Where he’d go was a whole other question but that wasn’t important right now. He was still too raw to think about what he’d do if he actually had to abandon his human life. All he could focus on right now was the hurt pulsing through him.

He wandered around in the dark for a little while longer, looking for a suitable place to set up camp for the night. Eventually, he came upon a set of twisting trees that was perfect for his purposes. Lightening his weight, he climbed up halfway and made a little ice tent in the branches. It was lightweight but thick, covering him up and serving as a shield between him and the rest of the world. In his own little ice palace, no one else could hurt him.

“There we go, home sweet home,” Danny mumbled as he crawled inside with a dull thump. He’d left a little skylight open, so he could look up at the stars. If he didn’t think too hard about it, he could imagine he was out camping with his dad or stargazing with his friends. “No, stop it. You’re only making it worse,” he said quietly to himself as the annoying flush of sadness washed over him. He didn’t like to cry; it made him feel stupid and childish and exhausted. Jazz had lectured him about the cleansing release of neurochemicals and other junk but really he usually felt worse after crying. 

“This is fine, everything is fine,” Danny sniffled, shuddering as he curled in on himself. The only cold that could hurt him was his own. It really wasn’t a great idea to use his that much of his ice in his human form, it chilled his body too much to be healthy. That, combined with his light clothes, the chilly night and that fact that he was laying on a solid block of ice, didn’t help matters. If Sam and Tucker could see him, they’d be shoving him in the shower to warm him up and plying him with food and blankets. Jazz and her dozen kind of herbal teas that help with mood or digestion or whatever would shove one or two into his hands and hover until he drank some. Their nagging was annoying but it was helpful and made him feel so loved. Love he wasn’t feeling out in the woods all by himself in the middle of the night.

“This is fine,” he repeated, more choked up this time and gave into his desire to cry. His chest hurt from the force of his sobs and eyes burned from the salty tears. He was flushed and cold and miserable but eventually, after wiping snot away from his nose and hiccupping quietly, he was ready to sleep. He was so worn out from all the hurting and the crying that he slipped from wakefulness as easy as going ghost.

“Child, what are you doing?” Danny groaned at the vaguely familiar voice. His ghost sense went off, reminding him once more how cold he was. He barely had it in him to shiver right now. “Ghost child, awaken and explain yourself.” Cold metal poked repeatedly into his side until Danny shoved the hand away, sitting up with a miserable glare.

“Go away, I’m not in the mood,” Danny grumbled, turning away from Skulker to try and go back to sleep. “I already feel bad enough, I don’t need you making it worse.”

“That does not explain why you are in a tree in the woods,” Skulker said slowly, still hung on stupid details. “The last I checked, the human Lair you stayed in was still standing. I stopped there to show you my latest weapon but you weren’t there, I traced your signature here.”

“Congrats, pass go and collect $200,” Danny sniped back quietly, not putting any heat into it. He didn’t have much to spare.

“Why are you out here, all alone?” Skulker frowned, “humans are susceptible to the elements, I presume you’re no exception given your current state. Just this once, I will stay the hunt to return you to your human Lair and we shall resume at a later-”

“No, I can’t go back,” Danny gasped fearfully, he curled in deeper on himself. “My parents, they know about me, about my powers. They didn’t take it well, I can’t- I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“But those human children-”

“I’m not getting them involved in this, they’re already in too deep. Tucker’s still grounded from that incident with Desiree and if Sam’s parents caught me in her room at night I’d lose the other half of my miserable life,” Danny grumbled. “Just leave me alone or kill me and take my pelt. Either one, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“I see,” Skulker hummed, “stay here, Child, I will return.” Skulker said before flying off.

“Great, can’t wait,” Danny murmured as he rearranged himself on his ice block. He still felt unbearably cold but it probably wasn’t enough to actually kill him. Probably. “Stupid ghosts, stupid powers, if I hadn’t walked into that stupid portal, I’d be be safe and warm in bed right now and only have to worry about passing pre-calc.” It felt like he’d barely fallen back asleep when he was forcibly awaken by something soft and heavy dropping on him.

He phased out of the tangle only to find a bunch of blankets and heavy winter coat that looked 2 sizes too big for him. “What the-”

“Wow you weren’t kidding, babe, he looks like a trainwreck,” he heard Ember’s gruff voice say. “Hey dummy, put on the stupid coat. I ain’t had nerve endings in a while but I’m getting cold just looking atcha.”

“You bring your girlfriend to harass me in the middle of the night with,” Danny eyed the pile with price tags still on them, “stolen merchandise.”

“Shut up, we’re crashing your pathetic little pity party so you don’t die before I can off you myself,” the rock star huffed. “If that coat isn’t on you in five seconds, I’m manhandling your skinny arms into it.”

“Jeez you’re worse than my sister,” Danny grumbled even as he pulled the coat on. It was big but fluffy, the extra layer instantly made him feel a bit better. “Happy?”

“Getting there. Techy, you brought the food or what?” Danny yelped as a large amount of food dropped in through his skylight. It was an interesting mix, a jumbo bag of peanuts, dijon mustard, a jar of pickled eggs, a couple bags of chips and a box of uncooked macaroni noodles. “Here, eat some human food.”

“What?” Danny questioned as Technus poked his head into the icy tree house. 

“Oh nice place you got here child but it needs more lights and a flat screen and, oh, I can set you up with a killer stereo system over eek!” the technology ghost yelped as he was pulled back and Poindexter replaced him. 

“Hey Danny, heard you were in a bit of a bind. Thanks to you, my Lair’s school is a better place now, bully free. You can cool your jets with me if you need to fly the coop.” Danny didn’t answer and instead opened one of the bags of chips, barbeque and ranch sweet. 

“You can also stay on my island for however long you need to recover,” Skulker grumbled, like it pained him to say. “It’s no fun to hunt you when you’re so weak. I want to defeat you at your prime not at your lowest.”

“No, no, come to my lair! Everything is beeping and flashing all the time and I have a Minecraft room!” Technus interjected.

“I guess you could come to mine if you have to,” Ember huffed. “But aren’t you also buddy buddy with the Yetis bein’ an ice core and all? Or Queen Dora? Pretty much anyone will open their lairs to you with your stupid, beaten puppy dog eyes.”

“You guys, I don’t know what to say,” Danny said softly, taken aback by the show of kindness. He took in the blankets, the coat, the food, their offers. They didn’t understand, not really, but they were trying. It meant a lot, coming from his enemies. “Thank you.”

“Well, yeah, us nerds got to stick together,” Poindexter grinned.

“You’re human and an annoyance but your existence has given my afterlife quite a thrill. I’m not ready for the hunt to end quite yet,” Skulker announced.

“You’re our favorite nemesis,” Technus exclaimed, trying to squeeze his face back through the packed skylight. “We fight, we banter but we also support each other when we’re down! Whenever I’m feeling down, I come into the human world and our battles have me back up and running in no time!”

“Huh,” Danny said, looking down with a small smile. If his enemies could put aside their grudges and help him when he needed it then maybe... “Thanks again really but uh, I think I should go home, check in with my folks. Probably shouldn’t have run off like that but um, if it goes bad...”

“You’re part ghost,” Skulker said with a sharp nod. “The Zone is as much your home as it is ours. Really should get around to making a Lair one of these days. Only weak ghosts and parasites leech off of others.”

“You know the way back from here?” Ember asked. “Need an entourage?” 

“Yeah I got it,” Danny answered, triggering his transformation. Poindexter squealed with delight as he phased out of his sad little ice cave. It looked cold and lonely which wasn’t what he needed right now. “And I’ll- it’ll be fine. I don’t think bringing a bunch of ghosts home with me will help my case.”

“Farewell, Child. May your spirits be higher on our next meeting. Having the support of ghost hunters will certainly add to the challenge of the hunt,” Skulker grinned. “I look forward to it.” He flew off and the others followed. Danny smiled, watching them go for a moment before flying in the opposite direction towards his house.

He was halfway home when the Fenton Assault Vehicle careened around a corner at an unsafe speed. Danny jumped as it went past, startled out of invisibility. He made eye contact with his parents before the RV skidded to a screeching halt and then hastily backed up. The window rolled down and he met the wide, teary eyes of his mom and dad.

“Uh funny running into you in a place like this,” he said shyly, looking down.

“Oh thank heavens, Danny where have you been? We’ve been worried sick!” His mother cried, jumping out of the RV and pulling him down into her arms. His father was on the phone, he heard Jazz’s name being mentioned, along with Sam and Tucker. “Baby, you’re freezing! Is this,” she paused, pulling back and delicately touching his wisp like hair. “Is that normal?”

“Sort of,” he said, leaning back into her touch. “It’s all kind of a long story. I shouldn’t have run off like that, I’m sorry.”

“No, you shouldn’t have but I don’t blame you,” Dad said, stepping out of the car and wrapping them both in a hug. “But Fenton men always make up for their goof ups. You were headed back home, right?”

“Yeah, home,” Danny sighed.

“Danny, I still don’t understand but I, we, love you and I’m sorry if we made you doubt that. We’ll work it out, sweetie, I promise. That’s what family does,” Mom said before ushering him and Dad into the car. “Now in you get, it’s too cold and too late for this and I do not want the neighbors complaining to the HOA again.”

Danny changed back in front of his parents for the second time that evening, this time intentionally. Their curiosity and happiness at seeing him overrode their earlier fear and confusion. He settled more comfortably into the backseat, warm and happy for the first time all evening.

“Danno, where’s you get the jacket?” Dad asked.

“My other family, don’t worry, I’ll explain it all tomorrow.”