#‘why don’t you just watch The Clone Wars?’ Because it doesn’t have Hayden’s face this isn’t complicated | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gffa · 6 years ago

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Hi! In my last ask you said you loved to talk so joke's on you, now I'm gonna flood you with questions xD There are a few things I'd like to have your thoughts on, from a nebie perspective. Here's the first one. Even when I hadnt' wathced the movies yet, I had inevitably heard a lot of negative things about the prequels. What are the reasons in your opinion? And since you are so positive about them, I would ask you to instead highlight some of their strongest points :)

Hello! You act like I don’t mean it when I say I love to talk, but BOY DO I. :DPrequels hate is one of those things that I think comes from a variety of places, so there are common trends, but we’re never going to be able to cover all the reasons every single person dislikes them, and I’m not even going to try. These are going to be true for a lot of people, but there are going to be a bunch that have their own reasons that I’ve never thought much about–sometimes trash reasons, sometimes valid reasons.Mostly, it comes down to how they conduct themselves, that if someone just doesn’t like the prequels for whatever reason, but they’re perfectly kind to those who do, then their reasons are entirely valid for them and I have zero problem with them! I have friends who aren’t really that keen on the prequels and we get along fine, because they’re sweethearts and I hope I can return even half as much civility. (This applies to everything I like and someone else doesn’t.)That said, some of the biggest reasons people dislike the prequels, in my experience:- There’s a trend of people who really wanted Darth Vader to be a power fantasy character, to be an awesome badass, rather than a hot mess. This tends to go hand in hand with people disliking the way Hayden Christensen played the character, because he was very attractive, because he was a whiny teenager, because he was an anxious mess, because he didn’t have this strong core identity. I think this is part of the TCW!Anakin tends to be more popular with some people, because that Anakin does project himself better, Matt Lanter plays the character with a more polished voice and he’s more traditionally angry about stuff, instead of teary-eyed, fidgety angry that Hayden played him as.I’ve said this a bunch of times, but I think a lot of people disregard Hayden’s acting because they think Anakin is supposed to project this strong sense of self, that he should have a strong voice (literally and figuratively), that he should be clear-eyed and hold himself up well. Instead, his voice is often thin and hesitant or arrogant and whiny, he fiddles with the hem of his sleeve, he paces back and forth, his lip wobbles when he cries.And this is a brilliant choice on Hayden’s part, imo, because ANAKIN SKYWALKER IS AN ANXIOUS HOT MESS. That’s it, that’s who Darth Vader is. Someone who had all this tremendous power, who believed he was more special than everyone else around him, who wanted to be more significant than everyone else, who was angry and confused and didn’t want to do the hard work of really looking at himself, that’s why all the theraputic suggestions in the galaxy weren’t helping, because he didn’t want to, that’s why his countenance on Mustafar is hard as hell to watch. Because this isn’t someone breaking bad in an awesome way, this is a tragedy. This is Anakin Skywalker, someone we care about, going over the edge in an ugly, uncomfortable way–and Hayden portrays that beautifully.I think a lot of people really didn’t want that, they wanted Baby Vader being some demon kid or they wanted him to be a badass who just sliced through everything with his lightsaber. Not a young man who was so destroyed by the loss of his mother that he killed a bunch of villagers in a tearful rage and wanted to be soothed and absolved of it afterwards, instead of a HOLY SHIT THAT WAS BADASS moment, we got an awful, ugly moment in a way that we should think was awful and ugly.- George Lucas was always interested in pushing the boundaries of what was possible, which means that a lot of the stuff they were going (like the motion capture stuff, the background scenery CGI, etc.) are things that they had to create entirely new tech for, sometimes stuff that was so bleeding edge and so well done that they’re still using the same tech today. But, because it was such new tech at the time, it doesn’t always age well. Like, ROTS still looks really good, but even I, a staunch defender, have to admit that the TPM battle scenes are clearly very old and not nearly as integrated as they would be today.A lot of people judge the quality of the movies based on today’s standards, rather than taking them as part of the time they were from. As well as a lot of people really like a more practical look effect and, honestly, they used THOUSANDS of practical effects and models in the prequels, they just look so much a part of the film that we often don’t notice.- I’ve heard this said before and I think it’s a good point–a lot of the problem for some people is that, for a long time, that’s all there was of Star Wars. Right now, if you don’t like the sequels, you still have a ton of other stuff to be interested in, you can read in a whole bunch of other eras. You can watch Rebels or watch The Clone Wars, if you don’t like Resistance, it’s not a big deal. If you don’t like TFA and TLJ, you can just go read the Star Wars ongoing comic or the first Darth Vader series. Right now, we can even read or listen to a bunch of prequels novels!People have calmed down a lot on the prequels, in part because those who enjoyed them as kids are growing up and getting a voice in media, and partly because those who really hated them now have other places to do. “Eh, it’s not my thing, but it’s not the ONLY Star Wars coming out right now, so I guess it’s fine.”- When TPM first came out, there was a ton of love for it, it’s just that reviews on-line turned on it pretty quickly and started spinning stories about how it was fucking awful, and those voices grew so loud that that became the narrative. There’s this idea that the prequels were failures or whatever, but in reality, if you look at the box office numbers (especially adjusted for inflation), they made plenty of money. They’re all within the top 100 and, even without adjustment, TPM and ROTS made reasonably close to $1B each than anything. And this was in a time before Marvel movies were a thing, where we’re kind of used to that happening, but it wasn’t always such a thing.- A lot of people dislike the dialogue and, hey, that’s fair, it’s not for everyone. George Lucas himself said that he’s the kind of wooden dialogue, as well as a lot of people have noted that the movies are based on a style that’s out of step with modern audiences (George said this as well, iirc), and if you go watch a lot of stuff from the ‘30s and ‘40s, you can definitely notice a lot of parallels in the style of the prequels.It reads as stiff and awkward to a lot of people, so they think it’s bad (and that’s fair), but I think there’s a large element of that it’s a style that a lot of people just straight up don’t like.- One of the biggest problems is that the movies were made for kids, not for the people who used to be kids when the original came out and they didn’t like that the movies hadn’t grown up with them in the same way. The hated podrace sequence and Jar Jar Binks are classic examples of this–a lot of adults haaaaaaate those things, but if you go around asking kids, suddenly a lot more of them could watch that podracing sequence ALL DAY LONG and never get bored, a lot more kids found Jar Jar genuinely funny.George Lucas has always been upfront about how the movies are intended for kids. That’s not to say adults can’t enjoy them as well, they’re part of the audience too, but they’re very much movies that kept a younger audience in mind, and that frustrated a lot of people who had become adults themselves and wanted a more “adult” Star Wars.So, it comes down to a lot of different reasons that people don’t like the prequels, sometimes they’re fair (a difference of tastes, they’re out of step with modern audiences, the pacing isn’t always great, etc.) and sometimes they’re bullshit (wanting the movies to be something they weren’t and they’re inherently bad because Baby Vader wasn’t an awesome badass, but instead a crying hot mess with too much power).Here on tumblr, there’s a ton of love for the prequels, to the point that I forget sometimes that a lot of the rest of the world still falls into being kind of dicks about the movies. But every so often, I’ll be listening to an entertainment podcast and they bash on the prequels or Anakin’s character, or even within fandom, someone will say that the acting was terrible or the dialogue was objectively terrible, and I remember, oh, yeah, that’s still a thing.Things are easier now, those who loved the movies are getting a voice in the media, there’s more stuff for non-fans to concentrate on instead if they don’t like them, there are more defenders now, more pockets to get lost in, but for awhile we all kind of had to be jammed together and that mean some voices were louder than others. And that got perpetuated a lot so that’s what you heard. “The prequels are bad.” was said over and over and over, until that became the only narrative that a lot of people heard.Whew, okay, that was long and there’s going to be plenty of other reasons that aren’t touched on, this isn’t meant to say non-fans are a monolith in their reasons why they don’t like them, etc. But those are the major reasons I usually see. But what do I love about the prequels?I love that the characters really spoke to me in a way I never expected. I’ve dealt my whole life with anxiety, depression, and a difficult time really looking at myself and facing my inner demons. I relate to Anakin Skywalker in so many ways, and even when I call him a garbage bag, it’s done with such affection because, I have been there, my guy. I’ve struggled to really learn to let go of things, to make peace with a lot of the shit in my head, so when the Jedi came along and actually had some really good advice about calming your tits before you hurt someone, that you had to have internal self-discipline to overcome a lot of the shit inside you, that spoke to me as well. I strive to be a better person, to let go of the anger that consumed me and cost me years of my life and friendships. I fell in love with Obi-Wan Kenobi, who is pretty much the best person in that entire galaxy, that he doesn’t have to be perfect to be wholly good. And also he’s hilarious. I fell in love with Padme, a woman who accomplished such great things in the galaxy, who could move metaphorical mountains, while still being internally fragile in a lot of ways, that her heart broke so badly, she just couldn’t keep living. I’ve been there, too.I am IN LOVE with the worldbuilding of the prequels–the worlds of the prequels are, honestly, the best of all the eras. Coruscant is incredible, it’s easily my favorite planet. But Naboo is gorgeous. Getting to see a little of Alderaan is incredible. Mustafar was INCREDIBLE to see. Geonosis and Kashyyyk are incredibly cool to look at! I kind of want to legit take a walk on Felucia and see all the flora. Kamino and Utapau look amazing, too. Umbara and Dathomir and Malastare and Mandalore and Christopsis and Cato Nemoidia and Mon Calamari all look amazing when we get to see them, too.And I’m in love with the more fleshed out politics of the era because it feels like they actually have impact and weight there. Politics has always been part of Star Wars, but we really don’t see it that much in the Rebellion era and not even that much in the Resistance/First Order era. We may get more of it as the New Republic is explored more (like we do in the Aftermath books) and I’ll be fascinated then, but the prequels went hard on politics and, yeah, a lot of people disliked them, but I think looking around at our current day setting kind of proves just HOW INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT POLITICS ARE.If nothing else, I love the prequels just for the Jedi Temple and Jedi Aesthetics, give me ALL THE WARM SUNLIGHT CORRIDORS, the sheer sense of peace and harmony radiating off that place, all the incredible art and design touches in pretty much everything, the ceremonial dance combat we see the younglings do in TCW, the giant open hallways and verandas, the star map that shimmers into view, the robes that actually look super soft, the gardens that are probably everywhere in that place, GOD, I JUST WANT TO GO THERE, LET ME IN, LET ME IIIIIIIIIINNNNNN.I love the prequels unreservedly because it was the point where I felt like the galaxy was really a genuinely huge galaxy, it’s the place I get the best sense of scale of how massive everything really is, and it’s the part where I love the pieces and the characters the most. I think the potential–and sometimes even the realization of that potential on-screen–is the most and it’s the place where I want to play with the world and the characters the most, it’s full of hilarity and seriousness, tragedy and hope, good people making their way through a shitty universe, but still trying to help as many people as they can, and my favorite dumpster fire of a character that I could spend all day analyzing and digging into the reasons why he chooses to do things and never get tired of ANY OF IT.Honestly, this is not necessarily a great list of Why The Prequels Are Great, mostly because *waves hand at the general mess that is my blog* pretty much this whole thing here is my ongoing attempt to put it into words and pictures why love this corner of the GFFA so much.

#adharaskywalker #meta #prequels fan for life #long post

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wizardoftrash · 5 years ago

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This scene did such a good job of showing how powerful and intimidating vader coupd be portrayed in the context of “traditional” combat in the starwars universe, which was a real treat. There aren’t feats of acrobatics here. No force-enabled leaps or backflips. Just an unstoppable advance leisurely deflecting any and every attack while cutting down every foe within reach. The lack of facial expressing *adds* to the impression that Vader isn’t threatened at all, which adds to the intimidation here, and that has me wondering.

Why didn’t the prequil trilogy consider how Vader emoted as a character when developing Anakin ? I frequently ask myself how things could have been different if they had just taken Leonardo DiCaprio as Anakin (who expressed an interest in the part). I had some serious issues with how episodes 2 and 3 handled the transition to Vader, and it really boiled down to the fact that it seemed too steep of a decline too fast, and that the transition didn’t feel like it made Anakin feel more like Vader at all.

The former was handled well in the prequil unofficial re-cut that only used a tiny sliver of episode 1 and effectively smashed episodes 2 and 3 together, removing huge ammounts of the droid and clone war content and adding-in a lot of deleted scenes that made the transition make more sense. The main issue with how fast it felt like Anakin declined was the ratio of screen time we got showing the decline, doubt, and encouragement from the emperor vs the time we got of Anakin being a regular old hero. In the original films, we spent so much time watching Anakin doing the right thing and being heroic that the decline just didn’t make much sense. When you trim out a lot of the entertaining but inconsequential action sequences of the wars, and work in more interaction with Anakin and the emperor, the transition to the dark side feels way more believable.

That doesn’t solve the issue though that it didn’t feel like a transition to Vader. Looking back, and especially on the re-cut, I don’t think Hayden Christenden’s performance was poor, which is what I had chalked this up to prior to seeing the re-cut. The lines he had to work with were awful, and too many of the scenes that made it into the films came off as angsty as a result. There is one aspect though that makes me think DeCaprio would have been a huge improvement over Christendsen in terms of getting us from young Anakin to Vader: Facial expression.

See in Episodes 4-6, Vader’s helm made it impossible to read facial expression. The ways we understood Vader as a character was through body language, word choice, and tone. With how things were scripted, word choice for Anakin wasn’t something that was really within the actor’s control, but Christendsen simply wasn’t able to emulate any of the grandure that James Earl Jones brought to Vader. While DeCaprio probably could have gotten us from Anakin to Vader more convincingly in that regard, the real issue I have with Christendsen’s performance was an over-reliance on facial expression to convey emotion.

I don’t think Christendsen is really to blame here, because episodes 2 and 3 almost exclusively gave us the transition to the dark side in dialogue heavy scenes where the shot focused on facial expression. Christendsen sometimes came off as whiny, but especially in episode 3, did a good job of looking and sounding clearly and obviously angry, which is the problem. Vader never sold anger with his face because it wasn’t visible, and that gave him a more repressed, tortured, and physical anger. That kind of performance needs to be driven by the writers, directors, end editors to come through for a character without a mask, and it doesn’t look like any real attempt was made on those fronts. On the contrary, the parts of Christendsen’s performance that broke the beleivability for me that Anakin was becoming Vader were probably prompted and encouraged.

I still think DeCaprio could have pulled this off, because looking at his other work, there is a huge range of intense negative imotion that he was able to portray through subtly. If a scene needed anger, despair, or hatred, DeCaprio had the chops to sell it without scrunching up his face in an un-Vader way. With the right delivery, the scenes and lines that came off as angstly might not have broken our immersion quite as much, and the arrogant prodogy facet of Anakin’s character would have been much more charming in DeCaprio’s hands. I think we really missed out on what could have been a much more fitting set of prequils, but the blame should be prettt squarly put on writing, direction, editing, and production in failing us there. As much ad I think Christendsen was the wrong choice, he just didn’t have much to work with.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) dir. Gareth Edwards

#star wars

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ktley1986 · 8 years ago

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My husband isn’t nerdy, at all. Which is okay because I happen to be nerdy enough for both of us-I love comics, video games, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Battlestar Galactica, etc. I love all of it, mainly because I happen to know a lot about history and world events and the main theme of history is that people are super shitty to each other, all the time, usually without very good reason. And once you know that, sometimes the only way to stay sane is to find solace in imaginary worlds-maybe that’s not always the healthiest thing, but at least if someone is cruel in one of those worlds they usually get a satisfying comeuppance, which sadly, rarely happens in the real world. Now that we’re all suitably depressed, Mike and I were watching The Phantom Menace the other day and he made the grave error in judgement to remark that he “didn’t remember this movie being that bad. People like it when it came out!” I mean, is that technically true? Yes. I definitely enjoyed these movies when they came out as a teenager (I was also afflicted with a debilitating crush on Hayden Christensen, which has since died a death of natural causes) and I will stand by that, because I didn’t know any better. Now with the benefit of experience and foresight I realize the serious damage done to the Star Wars universe and the overwhelmingly potential of what could have been. Because it’s fresh in my mind after having given an impromptu mini-lecture to my husband earlier, I will explain my problems with Episodes 1-3 of the Star Wars film franchise. The whole Space Jesus thing You know what I’m talking about-the fact that Anakin Skywalker doesn’t have a dad, but is basically just the product of the Force and his long suffering, cipher of a mother figure. That doesn’t even kind of make sense and it’s so lazy and shitty as to be actually insulting. Let’s also remember that he’ll eventually become Darth Vader, the ultimate bad guy (and if you’re currently feeling the soft and fuzzies for him, remember he did kill a whole temple full of children.) He’s such a special snowflake, he’s totally selfless, he’s the most amazing pod racer or whatever, he’s basically Valentina from Season 9 of Drag Race, and she turned out crazy too. He just needs to compare himself to Selena to make the transformation complete.

Obi Wan to Anakin, honestly.

My problem with that is this could have been a much more interesting story, in the hands of someone who gave a shit about storytelling or the emotional arc of a character. What if he was just a regular person, who had a dad and a mother who wasn’t window dressing for made up emotional issues later, but maybe he was kind of a reckless dick, then they could have made a more interesting story about how some people aren’t fit to have power, even if they are technically proficient. It could have been an interesting twist on the idea that all Jedi are totally perfect peace keeping good guys, but what if he was able to convince them he was, but in reality, he was actually a dick? At least that would make more sense later when he in fact does turn out to be a dick. The whole Jango/Boba Fett story arc Famously George Lucas had this whole series written out back in the 70’s but the studio was only interested in making episodes 4-6, since the storyline was more cohesive. I believe that’s true, and I even believe that a lot of the nonsense he put into the first 3 episodes was present in those early drafts, but I can’t be expected to believe that the basis for the clones was Jango Fett, and that his clone son would grow up to be Boba Fett, kick ass bounty hunter extraordinaire. I get that Boba Fett was a wildly popular character, despite having zero lines as far as I can recall, and getting knocked into the pit of Sarlacc to be digested slowly over a thousand years, he’s my brother’s favorite character, so by default one of mine too, but honestly? This is endemic of a wider problem in the first three movies in my opinion which is shoe-horning in fan favorite characters rather than making new and interesting ones which serve the story. Why the everloving fuck is young Anakin making his dirt farmer slave mom a protocol droid? Does she have a lot of use for translations of over 6 million forms of communication? Lucas just wanted to take what worked from the original movies and force it into the new ones, although to be fair his stab at original characters did give us Jar Jar Binks, so maybe it’s a good call after all. Darth Vader’s reasoning for becoming Darth Vader This is where it really hits home for me how much cooler this story could have been-the transformation into one of the most iconic villains of all time was just so lame in these movies. For one thing, the romance between Padme and Anakin is painful and embarrassing, and this is coming from someone with a fairly comprehensive crush on Anakin. So much cringe though, seriously. But making it about him thinking that his wife might potentially die, is just stupid, especially because he ends up choking the fuck out of her. Again, this is where the story could have been served by establishing him as a bit of a dick from the beginning, instead of a heroic space Jesus type character. I mean, I am very much in love with my husband, probably irrationally so, but it would take a lot more than the premonition that he might, maybe, potentially die to make me murder an entire Jedi Temple full of younglings. And I don’t even like kids. And then he just hates Obi Wan for not letting him live his best life or whatever, I mean they could have gone the route of him thinking there was a relationship between him and Padme, although I find the whole turning into an evil warlord over a lady to be one of the tired-est tropes on the planet. It could have been so much better! Midi-chlorians Just no. So much politics and talk about trade negotiations. Oy! I get that George Lucas doesn’t really get how to write strong female characters, and I guess it’s kind of flattering that he thinks women’s strength is in the political arena, but man I do not give a fuck about trade embargos in the real world, so I definitely don’t give a fuck about trade negotiations in space. I watched these movies for the first time as a young person and I could not have told you one thing about why the Nemoidians were doing, or what exactly was going on in the space Senate. The beauty of the original trilogy is that things were simple, motivations were clear and no one had to put anything to a vote.

I don’t think the whole thing is awful-Darth Maul is pretty sick, General Grievous is cool, Christopher Lee is always a welcome addition to any movie, now that I’m older I can definitely appreciate young Ewan McGregor

I need to resolve my feelings about bearded Ewan McGregor

Now I’ve stalled out. Huh. I know there are probably parts of it that are redeemable, but I can’t remember any, and I can’t be bothered to actually watch it again. My point being is that it could have been so much better, if they were interested in telling a great story instead of making millions of dollars in merch. Does anyone else remember all the merch associated with this, you couldn’t even buy a bag of chips without Jar Jar Binks dumb face looking at you. While this isn’t something I would normally say, but I’m glad that Disney has the reins now, and they’ve already made some great Star Wars movies, sans mention of midi-chlorians which personally leaves me excited again to visit a galaxy far, far away.

My Epic Retcon of Darth Vader’s Backstory

Okay, so he’s just a normal kid, who has a mother AND a father, both of which are fleshed out characters, and he gets selected for Jedi training in a normal, non-mystical space Jesus way. He turns out to be super great, a special snowflake, blah blah but then (plot twist!) he falls in love with another Jedi, and they have a clandestine affair until she gets pregnant with their baby. Now, we all know Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments blah blah, but they never explore what happens if you did, so it could be an interesting way to explore that idea. So, the female Jedi (which really shouldn’t we get some female Jedis by now? Seriously?) refuses to tell the council who the father is, and she gets banished, without Anakin being aware of it until it’s already over. She dies in childbirth, totally not the Jedi’s fault, but Anakin doesn’t know that, and that’s why her children are taken away and given to other families. Anakin either finds out that Obi Wan took his children and that’s why they have their big battle where Obi chops his legs off and roasts the rest of him once he realizes that Anakin is the father and he’s so pissed at this point that he is going to try to kill him. See, I literally just pulled that out of nowhere and managed to shoe horn a lady Jedi (which this series badly needs, come on!) and no mention of midi-chlorians! Is it a perfect story, no, but does it contain no mention of trade negotiations and Jar Jar binks, yes!

#star wars #rdpr9 #jar jar binks #obi wan kenobi #retcon #the phantom menace #revenge of the sith #attack of the clones #personal essay #writing

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i-just-like-commenting · 8 years ago

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Star Wars rewatch, part 3: Episode 2, Attack of the Clones

Following the Machete Order, I’ve gone from tESB to the prequel trilogy, skipping The Phantom Menace. How did that work out? Well... (this gets long)

Overall Impressions

I’ve been sitting on this one a while because I don’t, generally, enjoy writing negative reviews. And this film, in its theatrical release, is a bad movie, albeit bad in a different way than tPM. Episode 1 is just overall below average in everything, from its meandering plot to its weak characterization to its obvious CGI. But other than the racist accents, nothing in it as absolutely horrible.

AotC, on the other hand, has quite a lot of good content in it - but it’s paired with material that is so incredibly terrible that it makes the bad material feel that much worse. And given that there are two main plotlines in this movie, you can probably guess which one I consider good and which one bad.

Because yeah, I make no secret the fact that I think Ewan McGregor was one of the best things about the prequels, but his story in this is also the strongest part of the movie. Yes, I know, some people hate how talky it is, but it works as a political mystery as an assassination attempt slowly is revealed to be just one part of a galactic scheme to destabilize the Republic. Not only is it a good story, it has fairly well-defined characters this time around. Obi-Wan is depicted as very trusting and naive; he can’t even imagine that someone would destroy information in the Jedi library, because what Jedi would do that? Meanwhile Yoda is the voice of pessimism as he grumbles that the Jedi are becoming arrogant. We see how, behind the scenes, he and Mace Windu are painfully aware of the limitations of their small order, how weak their actual position is. Windu himself doesn’t get too much development, but he seems to be the practical, military side of the Jedi operation, while Yoda is more a teacher and a diplomat. It all culminates in a truly chilling finale as the clone army raised to stop a civil war marches into their ships...to the tune of the Imperial March.

And of course there is the magnificent line “The day we stop believing democracy can work is the day we lose it.” Very important message to remember right now.

Meanwhile, you have Anakin and Padme and oh my god this is so bad. Dissecting the why of it is difficult, though. I want to blame it all on the script, but it’s more more complicated than that. One of the worst lines of the film, the infamous “I hate sand” actually works for me pretty well, because Padme and Anakin laugh after he says it, which makes the awkwardness feel intentional, as if Anakin is aware of how ridiculous he sounds. So perhaps the acting can transcend the bad script...except when the script is sound but the delivery ruins it. Just reading the words, Anakin should be rather oblivious to his attraction to Padme, with everyone else more aware, including Padme, who’s not ready to think of him as an adult. But Hayden Christensen often plays Anakin like a stalker, and Natalie Portman is defiant rather than awkward. So are they just bad actors? We know Portman’s done well in other roles, and watch Christensen’s face during the scene where his mother dies - no, that’s not the problem.

I’m going to blame the director. It was Lucas’s job to bring the script to the scene, and everything about this screams poor communication between cast and crew. Their deliveries are erratic because they’re not being told what they’re supposed to be doing on screen. The more experienced actors - McGregor, Oz, Jackson, Lee - all clearly decided what their characters were going to be on their own and stuck to those interpretations, and it works. The younger actors, though, are clearly lost.

Is it fixable?

Yes. A ways back before The Force Awakens came out, I watched what the creator called the “cheese free” edit of the prequels, and while Phantom Menace wasn’t improved much at all by editing out the “cheese,” AotC was, dare I say, quite good. Since it was the first time I’d seen the film in years, I couldn’t remember what had been cut out, but I remember thinking, “Wait, why is this remembered as the worst one?”

Then I watched the original cut and I could tell every last thing he’d removed. Some of it wasn’t necessary, though it did streamline the plot (the R2D2 and C3P0 slapstick never really bothered me, the series has always had that) but what he did with Padme and Anakin was simply amazing, and all it took were a few cuts.

First, he cuts their first kiss, then the ridiculous rolling around in the grass, then all of the anguished dialog in the fireplace room. Oh, and he cut Anakin confessing the murders of the Sand People to Padme, jumping from his rage over Obi-Wan not letting him have enough power to Padme comforting him. It both (1) reinforces Anakin’s turn to darkness as he would hide this from her and (2) doesn’t make Padme fall for a man she knows is a mass-murderer. The result was that when they kissed on their way into the stadium, it felt completely, utterly believable, a steady progression from them being awkward, to getting to know each other, to bonding over their struggles. It worked, and I really wish that the copy of it hadn’t vanished from the internet.

Continuity, Part 1: Relation to the Other Prequels

So is the Machete order correct? Can you jump from episode 5 to 2 without watching tPM? The answer, I’m afraid, is no - but only for the first time watching it.

There’s just a few things that were introduced in Episode 1 that don’t get properly reintroduced in Episode 2. Mace Windu and Senator Palpatine show up and are not named for their entire first scene. Windu and Yoda worry about the Sith without ever defining what on earth they are, and without the “always two there are” speech the master-apprentice dynamic of Tyrannis and Sideous doesn’t work. Likewise, if you skip Episode 1, the first time you hear “Duel of the Fates” will be over Anakin’s anxious search for his mother which is...not right, sorry.

That said, it is true that without Episode 1 you can easily imagine Anakin and Padme as longtime childhood friends separated for a decade rather than as a 9 year old having a crush on a 14-year old and why did Lucas have to do that?

Continuity, Part 2: Relation to the Original Series

R2′s magically appearing-disappearing flight powers is one of the bigger plot holes created by the prequels. But for me the bigger issue is Anakin’s convoluted relationship to Owen and Beru. Stepsiblings that he barely knew does not gel with their reactions to his memory in Episode 4. I have an inkling of an idea to rewrite tPM to fix this and the Anakin/Padme problem. Make Anakin a little older - 12 or 13 - and have Beru be his older sister, maybe 18 or 19, in love with Owen Lars, son of a wealthy man, who wants to buy all of their freedom. He’s resistant to letting Anakin go with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. Padme really is one of the Queen’s handmaidens this time, Amidala being a separate, older character who would recur in AotC with a now-grown Padme as a senator. And C3P0 would be a protocol droid in the service of the queen rather than randomly created by Anakin; show his mechanical skill by fixing a droid.

Continuity, Part 3: Relation to the Current Series

In this film, the Geonosians already have plans to the Death Star; how does this relate to the creation of the plans we see in Rogue One? Were their plans just preliminary, and Galen Erso expanded on them? Is this something that gets explained in the various TV series? Well, I’ll start finding that out soon enough...

Meanwhile, if Boba Fett shows up in the Han Solo film he’d better be Maori. The origin story of Boba Fett is one of those things in the prequels that isn’t necessary but that I also don’t mind. So Boba Fett’s father helped create the clone army and died in front of him? Okay. This doesn’t detract from his character, though he’s in the original trilogy so little it doesn’t add that much either. But it was really nice to see Lucas try to diversify his very white universe with the casting of Jenga and Boba.

Conclusion: Droids Had it So Bad

There’s even more evidence of just blatant anti-droid bigotry under the Republic in this film. “If droids could think,” Obi-Wan quips, “none of us would be here.” Yet it’s obvious they do think - organic lifeforms are just in denial about it because they don’t want to admit to supporting a system of slavery and brainwashing. Droids themselves help reinforce this system as we see a droid kick send R2 away saying “Hey you, no droids!” Only R2 seems to be willing to defy the status quo.

Well, R2 and Padme. She is always certain to thank R2, and I remember that she did it quite formally in the first film. Padme seems to reject the notion of droids as non-sentient. Perhaps that’s why she invited R2 and C3P0 to be witnesses to their wedding.

Also, headcanon, but Padme threw the bouquet and C3P0 totally caught it and had an awkward exchange of looks with R2.

#star wars rewatch #attack of the clones #spoilers for whole franchise #review

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ibmiller · 8 years ago

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I hate the fact that I’ve become this fan, from 2004. When I first read the essay, I still had the books to cling to as a source of shared universe, values, stories, and characters. Now, all I have are fading memories, hundreds of dollars of things that have lost their value in connecting me to other fans (though thankfully, my siblings and father have been reading some of the best Star Wars books from the 90s, which has been an intense and sweet joy for me), and only serve as a bitter but irreplaceable reminder of that which still holds great power for me.

People say that the de-canonization of the Expanded Universe doesn’t destroy my books. And it doesn’t. But I don’t read only to make myself happy.

I read to know I’m not alone. And when something doesn’t matter to anyone except myself anymore, I’m just reading by myself.

Which is one of the saddest things I know.

Why Star Wars fans hate Star Wars

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Several years ago there was a funny post about Star Wars making the rounds on the internet. The original source seems to have disappeared long ago and it now only exists preserved by other people who felt the need to share it with other. (I once read a report that a study found that on average, any content on the internet has a 7% chance per year to disappear.) Being the big but also critical Star Wars fan that I am, I want to also do my part in keeping this pamphlet of historic significants preserved for future generations.

With the new movies (or “Nu Wars”) being approaching swiftly and some people saying that the Extended Universe is gone, this feels like an appropriate time to share this wonderful manifesto of true Star Wars fans.

By: Adam Summers 5/23/05

My girlfriend doesn’t understand what I see in Star Wars. We’ve had several soul-crushing arguments about what exactly makes this series so important to me, and every time I have found it more and more difficult to argue my case. As the maddening years have wound on, I think I finally understand the reason for this crippling handicap.

There is a diabolical twist to Star Wars fandom, you see, that defies comprehension, and yet is the life-blood of all Star Wars fans. It is this:

Star Wars fans hate Star Wars.

If you run into somebody who tells you they thought the franchise was quite enjoyable, and they very-much liked the originals as well as the prequels, and even own everything on DVD, and a few of the books, these imposters are not Star Wars Fans.

Star Wars fans hate Star Wars.

The primary fulcrum for the Star Wars fan’s hate (including my own) is George Lucas, creator of Star Wars. Unlike Trekkies/Trekkers who adore Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry, Star Wars fans hate the father of their obsession. We hate the fact that George Lucas got it wrong from the beginning, creating incest between Luke and Leia. We hate the fact that he wrenched Return of the Jedi off of Kashyyyk and set it on Endor with those tiny, furry Hobbit bitches he called “Ewoks”, which is a syllabic anagram of Wookiee if you’re obsessed enough. We despise the entire existence of literally half of the Star Wars movies, blaming George Lucas’ greed and flawed ‘vision’ for everything.

We believe George Lucas’ ideal death time was 2:07am, 14 November, 1990.

Star Wars fans also hate the original Star Wars trilogy. We think Mark Hamill’s acting was whiny, the pacing was flawed, and Empire was better than Jedi, making the end of the series a let-down. We hate the way Boba Fett died, and we hate the cantankerous, arthritic duel between Vader and Obi-wan. We don’t understand why the storm-troopers can’t shoot worth a damn, and we don’t get why “an entire legion of [the Emperor’s] best troops”(ROTJ, Palpatine) can be overpowered by a tribal society of midget teddy-bears armed largely with rocks and twigs. Star Wars fans hate omnipotent war-machines that get their legs tangled in strings, or slip on logs. They hate Darth Vader’s face and that stupid harmonica thing he was playing. Star Wars fans hate the original Star Wars trilogy.

There is also, as you probably know, a series of Special Editions that have replaced the original Star Wars trilogy, and these are also hated by Star Wars fans with an even more scorching fervor. Star Wars fans hate the glaring CG changes made to scenes we already hated to begin with. We hate that Han Solo now killed Greedo in self-defense, and then stepped on Jabba the Hutt’s tail (which we liken to Carrot Top stepping on Fidel Castro’s tail). We hate the fact that the ghost of Alec Guinness (whose name is an anagram of Genuine Class, by the way) now stands next to Hayden Christensen (whose name I tried to re-arrange into a flattering anagram myself, but only came up with “Nn…Dense Chest Hair”). Star Wars fans are unsure if Fidel Castro has a tail or not, but we hate the Special Editions of the trilogy just the same.

There is of course also a prequel trilogy to Star Wars. It is newer, more epic, more expensive, and more visually stunning than the original trilogy. Star Wars fans know this, and so we hate it even more. We hate it with the burning passion of a setting pair of twin suns. Jar Jar Binks, Midichlorians, technology that is blatantly more sophisticated than the “later” original trilogy…we despise all of it. There’s nothing a Star Wars fan hates more than a Star Wars prequel. They demystified Boba Fett, contradicted countless lines in the original trilogy (Obi-Wan: “He was our only hope.” Yoda: “No…there is another.” Obi-Wan (not in script): “Oh, right, I f*cking held both of these kids as they were born in Episode 3. Sorry Yoda, I just plumb forgot!”)

Star Wars fans think Mark Ha…uh…Hayden Christensen’s acting was whiny. And the pacing was flawed.

Beyond the movies, there are also various television-related Star Wars endeavors which Star Wars fans despise. Starting with that abysmal “Holiday Special” in which Carrie Fisher appeared drunk and tried to celebrate Christmas through song in a Jesus-less galaxy, Star Wars fans have watched and hated everything. We think Droids was a waste of time, Ewok Adventures was an extension of everything we hated about Return of the Jedi, and we’ve seen both seasons of Clone Wars which we hate because we believe them to be immensely inconsistent with the prequels we also hate.

Star Wars fans think the Star Wars comic-books are a stockpile of contrivance written for marketing purposes by people who know nothing about Star Wars. Every gimmick imaginable to bring back super-weapons long destroyed and token bad-guys long-beaten is spewed forth from these comic books, and Star Wars fans want nothing to do with it. Star Wars fans have read the one in which Han Solo works in tandem with a giant rabbit and we are not impressed.

Then, naturally, there are the videogames. Star Wars fans hate LucasArts, and the opportunist drivel that comprises most of the gameplay-less apertures known as Star Wars games that they vomit up every fiscal quarter. Star Wars fans know that there is no such thing as a good Star Wars strategy game, we yelled at our PS1 when Masters of Teras-Kasi came out, and we kind-of liked the Jedi Knight series, but not at first and definitely not towards the end. Star Wars fans did not like Knights of the Old Republic, unless they were RPG fans. This does not count. Star Wars fans hate Star Wars videogames.

The final main elixir of Star Wars folklore is the ever-growing library of Star Wars books. These have managed to make a complex main character our of practically every background alien seen in the movies, and expanded the universe into a colossal, self-contradictory maze. Star Wars fans hate this. We hate how trite and tired the books were getting before the New Jedi Order series, and we hate the New Jedi Order series for being so radically different, and not nearly trite or tired enough. Star Wars fans hate it when previously-deceased characters are brought back to life, but we also hate Timothy Zahn for not bringing his characters back to life. Star Wars fans did not hate Grand Admiral Thrawn, but we do now, because he is always dead. The Star Wars movies also contradict and completely ignore droves of information within the Star Wars books. Star Wars fans now know that George Lucas has no idea who Jaster Mareel is, and it makes us very angry. Star Wars fans hate Star Wars books.

Now that I have covered all of this, you can finally begin to compute why I can never prove to Emily that Star Wars is a monumental event worth devoting one’s life to. The very nature of the argument means I have to defend Star Wars, and since I am a Star Wars fan, I don’t actually understand how to do that.

Maybe I’ll put it like this. To be a Star Wars fan, one must possess the ability to see a million different failures and downfalls, and then somehow assemble them into a greater picture of perfection. Every true Star Wars fan is a Luke Skywalker, looking at his twisted, evil father, and somehow seeing good.

My earlier statement needs slight revision. We hate everything about Star Wars.

But the idea of Star Wars…the idea we love.

#Star Wars #Expanded Universe #Star Wars Legends #Unpopular Fandom Opinions

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thezachrogers · 8 years ago

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The worst 10 movies of 2016

2016 was really the year of stinkers than it was for good movies. Fortunately, I knew to stay away from most of them. If the trailer reveals too much and it’s so star-studded and CGI driven it almost looks stupid (because it is); then check yourself before you wreck yourself; do NOT watch those movies. The movies I called to be stinkers that I did not see and friends told me they did stink are:

Passengers

Assassin’s Creed

Now You See Me 2

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2

Mother’s Day

Zoolander 2

Ghostbusters: Answer the Call (total reboot, yet Sigourney Weaver, Dan Akroyd, Bill Murray, and Ernie Hudson all appear in the film as different characters; stupid.)

INDEPENDENCE DAY 2: RESURGENCE: If Will Smith said no to it to do Suicide Squad (TOTAL STINKER) instead, then it had to be bad.

The 5th Wave

The Divergent Series: Allegiant: Before the third installment to this less than mediocre franchise released, Lionsgate announced they were selling the rights to Disney and were going to release the final film (4th and 5th installment) as a TV season with a whole new cast…yea, no thanks.

Warcraft

London Has Fallen

Gods of Egypt

Max Steel

Noticing a trend here folks?

Every movie with the exception of Passengers is not original. Either a sequel to a mediocre movie, or a movie based on videogame or teen novel. Do not waste your time on these films. They are crap, all of them, no matter who is in them.

Yea, I love Jennifer Lawrence, Chris Pratt, Jeff Goldblum, and Mark Ruffalo; but that’s what Marvel movies are for folks!

The following top 10 list is based on what I saw! Again a few of these movies were not terrible, just not the best. #9 and #10 were movies that I could have waited for TV and/or Netflix.

10. X-Men: Apocalypse 3 Stars (7.1/10 on IMDB, 48% on Rotten Tomatoes)

Not a terrible movie, not the worst in the X-Men franchise; just not the best. With the follow up to the BEST X-Men film (Days of Future Past), and the second film in the X-Men Cinematic Universe in 2016 (Deadpool being the first), there were high expectations on this film. It just didn’t meet them.

Apocalypse is not The Last Stand or X-Men Origins: Wolverine; it is not flat out terrible. It just did not meet anyone’s expectations. Oscar Isaac; as good as he is, played a terrible villain, which is so disappointing because he was so good in 2015’s Ex-Machina. Fassbender’s Magneto is still so kick ass as well as Lawrence’s Mystique. Hugh Jackman has hands down the best five minutes in the entire movie. And the post-credits scene was a very exciting set up to March 2017’s Logan. Again: not a bad movie! Just not the greatest. There was WAY too much CGI and WAY too much 1963 Batmanesque cheese lines. Same bat-time, same bat-channel, lots of crap like that. I would wait for this to come out on FX in 2018 to watch. The only reason I would watch is continuity to set up Hugh Jackman’s finale in this beloved franchise; Logan.

9. The Secret Life of Pets 2.75 Stars (6.6/10 on IMDB, 74% on Rotten Tomatoes)

Great airplane movie or TV movie. Not missing much if you don’t watch on rental or in theaters. I love animated films, and some great ones came out in 2016, but this movie just tried too hard in all the wrong places. Kevin Hart’s bunny was over the top as expected, no problem there, but Jenny Slate again in an animated film with animals who can talk? Really Illumination? You want to be Zootopia that bad? And you want to try AGAIN with Sing? It’s pretty pathetic. You’re going to get Albert Brooks to voice a character too (Marlon in Finding Nemo/Dory) The placement advertisement for NBC/Universal shows and movies like Fallon, Saturday Night Live, Seinfeld, The Voice and a blatant movie poster on a public transportation bus for Sing was so shriekingly stupid, I wanted to hold my middle finger up to screen. The good sides of this movie was that the dog characters were cute and the animation was good. That’s it. Illumination should wait a little longer before branching out of Despicable Me and Minions. I wouldn’t have seen this movie in theaters or on iTunes. Wait for Redbox and if you can on TV in 2018 folks.

8. Me Before You 2 Stars (7.5/10 on IMDB, 58% on Rotten Tomatoes)

I love Emilia Clarke, but she cannot choose a good film script to save her life. This movie makes me have very low expectations for the standalone Han Solo film due out in 2018. What a piece of crap this move is. What a piece of crap this story is. SPOILER ALERT: she fails at motivating the guy to live and love again. He commits suicide and gives her money in his will. What kind of a story is that? Why the hell would anyone want to read or watch this trash?

The acting felt like a chick-flick/rom-com with these two young up and coming actors, but the story just did not help. A matured and handsome Neville Longbottom was about the only upside of this movie. Lord Tywin Lannister himself (Charles Dance) couldn’t even deliver. This movie was trash. Wife hated the ending. I quote her saying “The end makes me want that two hours back.” There you go folks. If you like depressing romantic movies with lifetime movie/porno acting and no happy ending, this is your film! If not, don’t bother.

7. The Huntsman: Winter’s War 2 Stars (6.1/10 Stars on IMDB, 17% on Rotten Tomatoes)

I originally thought Snow White and the Huntsman would not have been garbage if it wasn’t for Kristen Stewart’s fugly frozen face with no emotion. I was wrong. The Huntsman was an even bigger turd. This movie was set up as a prequel/sequel to its predecessor. Yea, I know it doesn’t make sense, it didn’t work on screen either. I had to Wikipedia what exactly happened with the story after I finished the movie. This was another movie with too many A-listers and CGI to be any good. This movie was Warner Brothers throwing more money in the garbage to compete with Disney’s live action remakes. Warner Brothers takes another loss with their comic book universe (OH WE WILL BE GOING THERE TOO). Do not waste your time with this movie. Doesn’t go down as one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen because Jessica Chastain and Emily Blunt are just too good for that; but I prefer you just to watch Zero Dark Thirty and Sicario a second time than to waste your time with this turd.

6. Alice Through the Looking Glass 1.5 Stars (6.3/10 on IMDB, 30% on Rotten Tomatoes)

With Disney doing 16 films in 2016, surely not all of them were destined for greatness. Alice was the rotten one of the bunch. Another sequel/reboot to a mediocre film, Alice Through the Looking Glass was crappy CGI thrown up all over the silver screen with good costumes! I got it; it’s Attack of the Clones II! Horrible, horrible, horrible. 2016 may be the worst year of Johnny Depp’s life. With his mother’s death, his divorce, and his ex-wife’s domestic-abuse accusations, I don’t see how promoting this crap film made 2016 any better. I’m praying for big things for Johnny in 2017 (Seriously); I pray his career is resurrected with the fifth Pirates film, he enjoys touring with Alice Cooper and his super-group, and he has some a new year’s resolution to drop off some beer weight like myself. One of the worst of 2016, this film is not one you want to waste your time or money on.

5. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice 1 Star (6.7/10 on IMDB, 27% on Rotten Tomatoes)

What a piece of crap. This movie was worse than Daredevil (2003), worse than Batman & Robin, worse than Punisher: War Zone, worse than Fantastic 4 (2015), worse than Ghost Rider. Yes, I need to say more. Screw Zack Snyder (director). Honestly, what a douchebag for making me hate a movie that comes out in modern day with all the brilliant actors and incredible technology and source content we have. Batman is my all time favorite character. I’ve been watching him as far as I can remember; since I could not walk. And Zack Snyder ruined every piece of what could have been good with this movie. To all of your Burton/Keaton fans, Campy Adam West fans, and Batman TAS fans; I’ve had enough of your garbage; Christian Bale’s performance and Christopher Nolan’s trilogy is the best on screen Batman ever. When we have something like that…why would you try to reboot it only 4 years later? And especially to not give Batman his own movie first…you put him in a Man of Steel sequel; it’s really offensive. All Batman fans should be offended by this turd of a movie. Superman has yet to have a fantastic live action movie. So why group Batman with that mess? It pisses me off. Henry Cavill’s Clark Kent reminds me of Hayden Christensen’s Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars Episodes II and III; such a whiny little wuss. Bro, YOU ARE FREAKING SUPERMAN; stop whining about why nobody likes you. Bro (Hayden Christensen), YOU ARE FREAKING DARTH VADER; stop whining about sand!

Ben Affleck does make a good Bruce Wayne; but his Batman costume is just the worst. Drawn on abs. Really? Bring back the nipples too please. As you can tell, I’m not going to see Justice League Part 1 due out in November or the Batfleck standalone. I’m done with DC. I’m done with WB for firing Nolan. My allegiance is with Disney-Marvel’s MCU, they haven’t disappointed me yet. If you want beautiful comic driven visuals, this movie has it. But, no one wants JUST THAT for 3 hours. Go smoke a bowl and read your comics instead, it’ll probably have the same effect.

4. Suicide Squad 1 Star (6.4/10 on IMDB, 26% on Rotten Tomatoes)

Gosh I hate the DCEU. I love the source content so much for me to rank this as #1 worst of 2016, but if it wasn’t for that, I would say this may be the worst movie I have ever seen. It’s hands down, the most disappointing movie I have ever seen. I knew Batman v Superman would suck, but I thought this movie would revive the DCEU, I was wrong. Warner Bros. marketed this entire film around Jared Leto’s Joker. And Jared Leto promoted the film centered on his character. WB made Leto’s character a measly cameo. Yes folks, in this 2 hour and 17 minute movie, Joker has 7 minutes of screen time. And it was 7 minutes too long. His character had nothing to do with the actual Suicide Squad other than Harley’s origin. Will Smith’s Deadshot was the real protagonist of the movie. It centered around him. So we get another Will Smith stinker. Yea guys, let’s be honest, Will Smith sucks now. He raised his son to be the biggest abomination to ever come out of Hollywood, and he has not done a good film in a decade (I Am Legend). His character was another (aw hell naw) felt misplaced, and Smith’s attempt to be gangsta, when he just isn’t. Your Hitch bro, just stop.

Margot Robbie is too hot to not watch this movie. Of course we all saw it, and we cannot admit that it sucks because of her. She is one of my favorite up and coming young actresses and she absolutely kills this role. She did such a good job it’s hard for me to rank this movie as the worst of 2016. The problems with this movie; where do I start? The marketing, the amount of plot holes, the villain, a character they literally created to kill off, the reason Joker was even in the movie, the ZERO respect they had for truly representing the source content for Harley and Joker’s relationship. Harley is supposed to a commodity/accessory to Joker’s madness and that’s it. But they made Harley Joker’s girlfriend and it just didn’t work. It also does not help that Jared Leto had to follow up to Heath Ledger. Ledger’s performance is arguably the greatest villain of all time. Leto was tatted gangster that wore make up and chains; that’s it. Not crazy nor sadistic, nor chaotic or psychotic; just a gangster. His character was a complete and utter joke. If you love the source material too much to not watch this film, I understand, if you just want to see Margot Robbie in short shorts and high heels and kick ass, I understand; but if you want to be entertained, do not watch this movie.

3. Sausage Party 1 Star. (6.4/10 on IMDB, 84% on Rotten Tomatoes)

For the record, I did not watch this film by choice, my wife rented it, and I watched it after I finished Hell or High Water. My ignorance got the best of me in that I knew nothing about it. And, I mean come on, Rotten Tomatoes gave it an 84%, how could it be bad?

Oh my gosh. Where do I start? The amount of childish sexual innuendos makes this movie look Donald Trump look like the Pope. This movie is full of “locker room talk.” This movie is point-blank offensive, immature, and stupid. And it was written by Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill; go figure. The animation is nothing great, the humor is cheap, not anything creative or new. Rogen’s attempts at making me laugh is quickly dying. Cussing, pot, and sexual humor gets old quickly. You cannot make the same movie over and over and put it in a different box and wrap with a nice shiny bow filled with a-listers. Seth Rogen must be stopped. This Is the End was the last movie he’s done that has made me laugh. The nostalgia of Pineapple Express, Freaks and Geeks, and Knocked Up is the only reason that movie caught my attention. This movie, I had no desire to see. Wife grabbed it at Redbox without my knowledge and I walked in on her watching it. I’d honestly rather walk in on her watching porn, at least we can have a good conversation from it. This movie was just a big “why?” She didn’t have an answer, and neither would I if I were in her shoes.

It is an R-rated animated movie with A-listers which is ironic, since we 99% see the opposite when it comes to the source content (G and Disney for dummies). Don’t see this movie, you’ll thank me for it.

2. Quentin Tarantino’s 8th film .5 Star (really his 11th, I know the guy can’t count) The Hateful Eight (7.9/10 on IMDB, 75% on Rotten Tomatoes)

Tarantino said he would make 10 films and be done. He said this is the eighth BECAUSE: Kill Bills Vol 1 and Vol 2 is counted as 1, he’s not counting Death Proof as it fell under the “Grindhouse” 2 film presentation with Robert Rodriguez, and he is not counting his very first film starring himself. So, I’m hoping he doesn’t do any more stupid little projects and speed up to 10 so we can rid him from Hollywood.

Tarantino is over the top, he exaggerates reality making his own one, apparently all of his films are in the same “universe.” I don’t think Tarantino has given me any smiles since Inglorious Basterds. Another movie with Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Madsen, Tim Roth, and Walter Goggins, this movie with over the top bloody scenes did nothing for me. At least Django and Kill Bill were action packed, at least Inglorious Basterds had an incredible cast and was hilarious. I love that he used an Italian composer to try as hard as he could to make it feel like a spaghetti western; but it didn’t.

The whole movie takes place in a room, that’s right…in a room folks. Lots of blood, lots of not-so-mysterious mystery and lots of famous faces. This movie was like Tarantino was parodying his own genre of movies. It was so freaking dumb that it just pissed me off. Came out on New Year’s Day 2016, it kicked off what would be a pretty hateful year for many. Do not waste three hours of your time with this movie. You will want it back.

1. The Lobster .25 Star (7.1/10 on IMDB, 90% on Rotten Tomatoes)

Sometimes you cannot trust Rotten Tomatoes. Nine out of Ten times they are right, this was the one time they were wrong. Top three worst movies I have ever seen in my life. This movie is a witty Cohen Brothers-esque adult version of The Hunger Games that was just plain weird. No, it was not funny, no it was not creative. It’s stupid. But guess what fam; STUPID GETS GOLDEN GLOBE AND OSCAR NOMINATIONS these days! Be honest with yourselves; if you saw it, HBO’s The Normal Heart was not good or well-acted. But in today’s day and age if you make a movie about gay people, you’re getting an Oscar nod. So, I guess now if you make a movie about something that’s just weird and stupid, you’ll get one too.

Here’s the synopsis: In a near-future’d dystopian world, to prevent over-populating, if you do not find a husband or wife at a certain age, you check into a hotel where you are forced to meet one in two months, if you don’t your body well be shredded an recycled for research and you will be turned into an animal (but not really, they will kill you, they just tell you that so you agree to the “transformation,” ie execution).

Yes, it is as stupid as it sounds. I never even finished the movie, I wikied the rest when there was about 25 minutes left, it wasn’t worth the rest of my valuable time.

I write this blog not to vent on how bad movies are, but I know YOUR time is valuable and it should be treated that way, not with garbage movies. Please take my word. I hope this blog was helpful. Please follow, like, share, comment! Bigger and better films to come in 2017! I will be your source! I have about 10 more films of 2016’s I will review before I crossover into 2017; stay tuned for those blogs!

Thanks guys!

#thelobster suicidesquad joker batman superman batmanvsuperman justiceleauge sausageparty movies2016 movies movies2017 2016

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gffa · 7 years ago

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It’s totally cool to be crying over STAR WARS and then crying over Star Wars fic, too, right? Yes, totally cool, totally fine. STAR WARS FIC RECS: ✦ Hear no Evil, Speak no Evil by ChibiObiwan (araedan), obi-wan/anakin, human au, 7.9k Forced to flee the city from both the plague and men hunting him, Anakin takes refuge at a Convent under the pretense of being both deaf and dumb. Brother Kenobi, a monk who has secluded himself amongst Nuns for a reason, is at first skeptical but then protective of the seemingly innocent man. ✦ Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, sith!obi-wan (sort of), 68.6k wip During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone. ✦ Sith Anakimono. by lurkingcrow, obi-wan/anakin(/padme), sith!obi-wan, 1.5k Imagine if you will, a universe where Knight Kenobi and Padawan Skywalker are unexpectedly lost on a mission, and find themselves stuck on a planet/in an ancient temple with a bevy of Sith ghosts for company. ✦ Clarity by anecdotalist, obi-wan/anakin & anakin/padme & ahsoka & cast, 82.1k wip Anakin’s jealousy leads to the start of something new between him and Obi-Wan and a lot of frank discussions about things they should have talked about but didn’t in canon. ✦ The Exchange by MissLearn, obi-wan & anakin & some anakin/padme & ahsoka & qui-gon & rex & cast, time travel, 77k wip The Daughter has a bad day and it irrevocably changes the fate of the galaxy, twice over. Or; ROTS Obi-Wan and Anakin are swapped with their younger, TPM, selves. It changes things, in both parallels. ✦ In Time by Ripki, obi-wan & anakin, time travel, 4.9k wip As the Clone Wars drags on and the secrets between them grow, Anakin and Obi-Wan have begun to drift apart. When a mysterious holocron sends them through time, they don’t only have to confront their past and future – but the present as well. (Or the Force, frustrated and tired with all their bullshit, sends the Team to an unconventional couple’s therapy.) ✦ Precipice Bonus Content by shadowsong26, obi-wan & anakin & leia & ahsoka, 2.9k wip Bonus fics and other snippets in the Precipice universe. ✦ Cataclasm by dendral, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & waxer & cast, 51.9k wip For reasons unknown to all but himself, Obi-Wan Kenobi has left the Jedi Order in the midst of the Clone Wars, taking with him a single clone. Anakin Skywalker has been unofficially tasked by the Order to find Obi-Wan and bring him home. Unfortunately for Anakin, it seems his former master is always ten steps ahead of him. ✦ “The Padawan Chooses The Master” by lurkingcrow, obi-wan & anakin & cast, 3.6k prompt: AU - The Jedi say “The Padawan Chooses The Master” Qui Gon lives, Obi Wan is very preoccupied, and Anakin is put into the creche as an Initiate to learn what he can until Qui Gon wakes up from his coma and gets yelled at by the Council. In the meantime, Anakin meets other Jedi Masters and when the Council asks him who he wants to be his teacher, his answer isn’t Qui Gon. Instead it’s *insert your fav Jedi here* ✦ Obikin Drabble by fn_6969, obi-wan/anakin, ~1k Anonymous prompt: “fic idea- darth vader thinking about obi-wan oh no” ✦ untitled by subskywalker, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, d/s elements, 1.5k Anonymous asked: Could you do a headcanon about Sith emperor!Obi-Wan and his Sith apprentice Anakin…who is also his sub?? ✦ For the Sake of the Mission by TheKinkAwakens (thekinkawakens), obi-wan/anakin/padme, NSFW, 2.6k Anakin and Obi-Wan have to go undercover as Padmé’s husbands. Of course, no one mentioned the public display of ‘pleasure’ they’d have to put on to prove their loyalty to her. ✦ Surrender to the Light by Raven_Knight, obi-wan & anakin & luke & qui-gon, 1.1k Ben Kenobi knew exactly what he was doing when he saw Luke watching his duel with Darth Vader. ✦ The Sun and the Ocean by zarabithia, obi-wan/anakin/padme, 2.3k Five things that happened when the twins were born early. hint: threesomes happen and assholes die. full details + recs under the cut!

STAR WARS FIC RECS: ✦ Hear no Evil, Speak no Evil by ChibiObiwan (araedan), obi-wan/anakin, human au, 7.9k Forced to flee the city from both the plague and men hunting him, Anakin takes refuge at a Convent under the pretense of being both deaf and dumb. Brother Kenobi, a monk who has secluded himself amongst Nuns for a reason, is at first skeptical but then protective of the seemingly innocent man. This was really cute and adorable! It’s an Obikin version of that Virgin Territory movie (where Hayden is the prettiest person you have ever seen, oh my god) and it just sort of sailed right by for me because it was happily embracing the fun, cracky concept it was putting forth, that Anakin wound up in a convent with Obi-Wan as a monk there and of course they’re wildly attracted to each other, even as Obi-Wan thinks that Anakin is deaf and mute. It’s just this light-hearted, silly romp in all the ways it was meant to be and put such a smile on my face! ✦ Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, sith!obi-wan (sort of), 68.6k wip During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone. Chapter 14: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. As always, even before I begin writing this rec, I’m sure it will be a completely ridiculous one, because this fic is tailored to hit my wants, as well as being so well thought out and so well-written that I can’t not talk about everything that comes up in it! Which means spoilers for the events of the chapter and everything up to this point, of course! One of the things that I really love, as odd as it might sound, is that not everything is perfect, that it’s been almost 70k of fic and it’s been fourteen chapters and they had even more intimate sex in the previous chapter, hell, even several chapters ago, Anakin told Obi-Wan about the murder of the Tuskens. If the fic had made everything smooth between them, I wouldn’t have complained, because it certainly laid down a lot of the work necessary to smooth that path out–but it’s not all perfect between them, even as they’ve grown so much closer, and as much as I love when things are fixed, I love it even more when it takes time and it’s not a straight line there, because it gives further weight to just how much those issues do mean when it comes to Anakin, that it actually wasn’t so easy to do and that’s why it took so long to get them even this far. That Anakin doesn’t tell Obi-Wan about the hand he felt on him in a previous chapter when he and Isten went to confront Ugly, that Veris knows exactly how to use this, that Anakin still fearsthat Obi-Wan will reject him, that he’s wrong to hide this, but it’s so, so understandable why he does, that the entire chapter ends in a not-quite-fight, all of that was so incredibly true to who Anakin Skywalker is that I just wanted to roll around in it. Of course, it’s not just that, either–it’s also in the way he sees Isten and Veris’ interaction, the way Veris treats him as well, the way he calls Anakin a stubborn boy, with fondness and exasperation, the way he’s commanding and Anakin may be annoyed, but also it felt like some part of him unthinkingly responded to it, wanted to, while the imagery shared between them still chafes at him because he’s still fighting it. I love that Isten (WHO IS SUCH A BREAKOUT VERSION OF ANAKIN HE IS SO MUCH FUN) is so brash and cocky when he speaks aloud, but is much more obedient when mind-speaking with Veris, the contrast between the two sent a shiver through me because, oh, yes, he wants that, this is his balance and it works so well for him. All of this is tied up in the imagery that Anakin glimpses, the version of Anakin Skywalker naked and kneeling and bound up with ropes, the one who is at peace and wanted there, but by who? Isten? Versis? Obi-Wan? Anakin? All of them or maybe only some of them? This is where the deliberate care with the interactions really is highlighted and you can see why these Sith versions are my favorite–because they’re reflecfions of wants and desires and thoughts from Obi-Wan and Anakin, but also they’re their own people made real now, so everything is a murky fog to try to peer through, to see what the truth is, and that is so good, both for me as a reader and for the legit well-written story! There are so many other little moments I loved here, too–Isten sleeping across Veris, the sense of two very large predatory cats lounging against each other, sleepy for now, but something dangerous hidden underneath. The way Veris seems so incredibly fond of Anakin, that I truly felt the gentleness there, that he had no wish to harm him, that this is the last person he’d want to harm–unless he was somehow a threat to Isten and then Veris would cut anythingdown, even the original source of the one he loves so much. That he’s gentle with both Anakin and Isten when looking inside them, gentle and yet so sharp and cutting, someone not to be denied, and yet you feel the difference, that there’s such easy and familiarity and desire with Isten, while with Anakin it’s a more distant fondness. And there’s such rich, lucious imagery in this chapter, as Veris is in Anakin’s mindscape and vice versa, the rich, roiling darkness, the flower buds on the vine that were so nicely done I could practically feel their weight in my hand and smell them in the air. As well as the dream Veris has in the beginning, the imagery and sense of a person not being where you think they are, that you held onto them and still somehow what you’re holding onto isn’t them, the light and deft touch that let my own imagination do the shading in of the creepy things to match the creepy descriptions, is beautifully done and you can just feel how much the author enjoys writing creeping horror and how good it is here! But also I’m still stuck on how Anakin withheld things from Obi-Wan, because I didn’t quite expect it and I should have. The way Isten, who seems so charming and fey and uncaring at times, absolutely will follow Veris’ orders, you remember that when he looks over the campfire and Anakin tells him, “Master wants to see you.” and his eyes catch on the firelight. And the way, of course Obi-Wan finds out, the absolutely justified frustration he feels and how badly Anakin takes it, even when Obi-Wan reaches out and touches him and shows such care for him, because Anakin overreacting and bringing his own fears and issues to the table is spot fucking on. The way Obi-Wan does not take well that Veris opened Anakin up and looked into him, even manipulated him (if in a very obvious way) and how it’s different from what Veris does on behalf of Isten, but also very, very much a deliberate parallel. The way all of this is about these twisting and twining versions of each other, desires and light and dark and balance, that there’s such darkness in Anakin and he’s trying to work through it, but he’s not there yet, having someone who likes that darkness versus someone who isn’t afraid of it but doesn’t fling them into it, the way Anakin is so wound up and still has so many knots in himself to untangle, oh, it’s such a complicated thing and it’s all there in the fic, in the way he interacts with each of them! Which is why I am so glad the fic ended on Anakin and Isten off together again because they are an absolute joy around each other and I always come away from their scenes with more to think about in regards to Anakin’s character at heart, just as much as I come away with Isten’s relationship with Veris will always reflect something of Anakin’s relationship with Obi-Wan, that they don’t have to be the same for me to draw insight from, and let me tell you about how incredibly satisfying and engaging that makes the fic. I can’t believe there are only four chapters left and I still don’t know how it’s going to end and I’m still so eager to find out and yet never want to leave this one! It really is one of the author’s best and one I would encourage anyone who’s a fan of the pairing to read or just wants a good fic that does the heavy lifting of the pairing while still being subtle and thoughtful. Or just wants a good case story to go with their pairing fic! ✦ Sith Anakimono. by lurkingcrow, obi-wan/anakin(/padme), sith!obi-wan, 1.5k Imagine if you will, a universe where Knight Kenobi and Padawan Skywalker are unexpectedly lost on a mission, and find themselves stuck on a planet/in an ancient temple with a bevy of Sith ghosts for company. It’s been a week for Sith!Obi-Wan fic again apparently! And this was a lovely piece where it’s a sketched outline/half-fic piece where Obi-Wan and Anakin are stuck in a Sith Temple, it’s getting to Anakin, and so Obi-Wan takes the Fall to save him instead, which then becomes all about how much Obi-Wan loves him and won’t let anything bad touch him and how of course Anakin follows him, as he always does, and they become entirely co-dependent on each other and stuck in this feedback loop together and, oh, it’s just so satisfying to me, who loves these two and their relationship so much. Padme is eventually roped into this as well, it’s eventually an ot3, but it’s just such a charming and fun AU fic, that there’s something warm and kind in this AU, it’s just so satisfying and happy to read! Like, there’s something legitimately engaging here that makes it not really that cracky so much as fun and easy to see in my mind’s eye and hits on all these really wonderful beats and it’s just clearly designed to make me happy while reading it! ✦ Clarity by anecdotalist, obi-wan/anakin & anakin/padme & ahsoka & cast, 82.1k wip Anakin’s jealousy leads to the start of something new between him and Obi-Wan and a lot of frank discussions about things they should have talked about but didn’t in canon. Chapter 16: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. I actually went back to reread chapter 15 when picking this one up again and I loved being able to settle in for a nicely long read and I’m still just totally hooked on everything going on here, that this is a universe where Order 66 still happens, but things have changed and the fic doesn’t gloss over that. One of the neatest things is how much time is being spent on the actual investigation into the clones and what happened, that they’re fumbling blind on this issue and have no idea what’s doing it or where to start looking, so they really have to work at it! And this brings Shaak Ti into the picture and, oh, she’s wonderful, there’s such a serenity to her even when there’s also an intensity to her at the same time, it’s lovely and perfect for her. There’s a bunch of little moments I loved–Cody being super deadpan! Obi-Wan making it worse because that guy always has a quip to make it worse and of course he finds it funny! Anakin practically crawling into Obi-Wan’s lap when he’s happy and wants kisses! the reunion with Shaak Ti! Obi-Wan and Anakin eating dessert in bed and talking, a moment of quiet before everything starts happening again!–that it feels really well balanced between the more quiet, intimate moments and the bigger plot happenings. It’s a fic that balances between all the shit that’s happening in the story at the moment, but still gives hope and affection and love and humor when it’s needed. It’s a story that clearly cares about the characters and plot it’s writing, it’s a story that clearly loves the Obikin pairing at the heart of it, but also wants to write the plot around it, doing both justice and weaving the two together. And it’s a fic that I’m definitely eager to see where it goes next, now that the Kamino trip has gone well (or at least well enough) because it’s just such a good story being told here! ✦ The Exchange by MissLearn, obi-wan & anakin & some anakin/padme & ahsoka & qui-gon & rex & cast, time travel, 77k wip The Daughter has a bad day and it irrevocably changes the fate of the galaxy, twice over. Or; ROTS Obi-Wan and Anakin are swapped with their younger, TPM, selves. It changes things, in both parallels. Chapters 12-13: This is an update rec and will focus on these chapters, rather than the fic as a whole. There’s been about 20k added to this fic since the last time I caught up on it and this was both a good and bad decision to wait–I lovereading bigger chunks of this fic at once, it’s such a warm, soothing story even in the middle of all the angsty stuff, but also now that I’ve finished with it, I have something of a fic hangover and I don’t want a new one, I want more of this thisone for the next day or so! I will warn that there are a lot of typos and such in the writing, but I do so because I want to encourage readers past them because this is honestly one of the fics I look forward to most, as it’s just so solid in everything it does. It’s a story that has fun with the time travel aspect and does the necessary heavy lifting to show the changes, it doesn’t forget about Qui-Gon or Ahsoka or Padme or Palpatine or Maul or the Jedi or the Clones, they’re all very important here, but at its heart, it’s about Obi-Wan and Anakin. At the center of the story, it’s about repairing the relationship between them, it’s about giving them them circumstances that would force them to look at it and then letting them naturally do what they would, to show that the majority of their problems were external and they just needed the right space to see that. And, oh, it’s so good for both characters, it really takes its time with repairing it from both sides, that Obi-Wan is more explicit in his care for Anakin, sees that Anakin needs more of it, and Anakin understands just how little consideration he’s actually given Obi-Wan despite how much he loves him and needs him. These chapters have another swap happening, where Anakin is put back to his right time, but Obi-Wan isn’t, so you have moppet!Anakin with ROTS!Obi-Wan and Knight!Anakin with TPM!Obi-Wan and, despite that they just spent 50k working on things in such an emotionally satisfying way, the fic doesn’t stop there, it keeps going with Anakin further realizing just how much has been placed on Obi-Wan’s shoulders and just how much Anakin hasn’t seen that. It lets ROTS!Obi-Wan look at bb!Anakin and wonder if the path of the Jedi is right for him, but in a really warm-hearted way, where both paths are valuable. And, oh, when TPM!Obi-Wan has a conversation about the Jedi and emotions, how love and attachment aren’t the same thing, that it comes in such a way that works for the scene it’s in, I practically melted for how much this fic really got the Jedi in a way that’s right to canon, in a way that’s right to these characters, and in a way that’s kind. It was so incredibly satisfying and cathartic and made me love all of these characters more, because this is building up instead of tearing down. But most of all it’s the way the fic really embraces so many things that need talking about and gives them the space to do so in a really understanding and constructive way, that it doesn’t feel like it’s giving canon the middle finger, but instead building up from there and then just nailing what the characters are feeling and how they would see the situation and what they bring to the table. Anakin and Padme’s relationship needing to grow, but in a way that makes me root for them! Anakin and Obi-Wan’s relationship having grown so much and still needs more, in a way that shows just how important they are to each other and how good they are together! Ahsoka having issues with Anakin but it comes from a place of love and their relationship grows as well! Anakin really having to think about what his path in life should be! That the TPM versions of the characters and the ROTS versions of the characters are the same person and yet there’s such stark differences in who each of them are, that they affected each other and the war affected them, both in good and bad ways! Just, oh, man, this fic is so well written for how it gets all of that down and lights me up, that it’s 77k into the fic and it’s still absolutely doing justice to how much there is to unpack and have them work through, in a way that’s so engaging and so thoughtful and really, really emotionally satisfying. I cannot rave enough about that warm glow I feel every time I read more of this fic! ✦ In Time by Ripki, obi-wan & anakin, time travel, 4.9k wip As the Clone Wars drags on and the secrets between them grow, Anakin and Obi-Wan have begun to drift apart. When a mysterious holocron sends them through time, they don’t only have to confront their past and future – but the present as well. (Or the Force, frustrated and tired with all their bullshit, sends the Team to an unconventional couple’s therapy.) This fic is only two chapters so far but I’m already absolutely hooked on it and completely endeared to it! They’re being bounced around to different significant moments of their lives, which mean big dramatic reveals happen, just dropped right in their laps and they barely have time to catch their breath before on to the next one, but where the fic really works is that you can feel those conversations are still coming, it’s not glossing over the aftermath of them (which is where the real fun is) but instead they’re still trying to stop spinning first. And this is definitely centered on Obi-Wan and Anakin’s relationship, the emotional weight between them and you feel that especially hard in the second chapter where there’s so much love and hurt born from love there, it was such a bittersweet scene in exactly the way the fic intended it to be. There’s so much history and connection there, so much sadness and yet love and hope, just the way Obi-Wan watches Anakin and watches the people they stumble over, there’s something he just gets and it’s perfectly done. But also Anakin! Being kind of a disaster in that brilliant way of his! Banter! Breaking the tension by teasing each other! It’s already so good and I wan’t wait for more. ✦ Precipice Bonus Content by shadowsong26, obi-wan & anakin & leia & ahsoka, 2.9k wip Bonus fics and other snippets in the Precipice universe. You probably have to at least be familiar with the Precipice story to read these, though, my favorite of chapter 3 where Anakin and Obi-Wan discuss Leia’s dream, can be read just knowing that the twins are being raised separately, Luke with Padme and Leia with Anakin, and she’s getting old enough to start talking about her connections with Luke and she’ll have questions soon. While I enjoy all of the ficlets in this series (the Ahsoka one had such a lovely bittersweet longing as she almost sees Padme again), that chapter was my favorite for the complicated, difficult position Anakin was in. Telling the truth would put everyone in danger, would put children in danger, would risk their lives, but also Anakin chafes at the idea, and it’s not an easy decision and the light, delicate touches on his relationship with Obi-Wan, who is there to help him, is just so satisfying, to see Anakin put in a position where the answers aren’t so easy and it just makes me love him and everyone more and want the best for all of them. So, I really enjoyed this piece for the quiet tables turning in a gentle, bittersweet way! ✦ Cataclasm by dendral, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & waxer & cast, 51.9k wip For reasons unknown to all but himself, Obi-Wan Kenobi has left the Jedi Order in the midst of the Clone Wars, taking with him a single clone. Anakin Skywalker has been unofficially tasked by the Order to find Obi-Wan and bring him home. Unfortunately for Anakin, it seems his former master is always ten steps ahead of him. Chapter 11: This will be an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This continues to be a fic that I never expected to actually have, it’s one of those that I feel like is a “Oh, wouldn’t it be great if someone wrote it and did it justice…?” but usually doesn’t happen, even in the bigger fandoms. But Obi-Wan getting visions and leaving the Order, but still being absolutely a Jedi at heart, that the worldbuilding and understanding of the GFFA, the sheer amount of charm and charisma in the writing that makes me want to read about everyone and everything here, it still sort of boggles me a little! And that’s exactly what I mean when I say this chapter is a slower one, where Waxer gets sick and he and Obi-Wan just spend some time on their ship alone, but it’s great character and world-illustrating stuff in these little small but incredibly charismatic ways, it gets these characters and makes them so, so easy to read about. “Waxer gets the flu and has to drink a terrible thing to help him.” shouldn’t be that interesting and, yet, with this fic it is! Because it’s also about the banter between the characters, it’s also about showing who Obi-Wan is, it’s about showing the dynamic between these characters once they’re away from the rules of the Republic that have been set down on the clones and Jedi both, that we get to see that friendship evolve as the fic actually does the work of showing us, in a very natural and organic sort of way. But it’s also heartbreaking, as Waxer is no longer part of the Republic that owns him, and the individuality that he’d been granted as much as he could have been, starts to grow and he really starts to think about what he wants and what his life means, and it’s not an easy thing, becuase the clones got such a raw deal and it’s heartbreaking to read here, even as I have hope for something better. Basically, the fic is doing everything it needs to to hit my id straight on and be a legit wonderfully written story, right down to one of my favorite things in fandom–taking two characters who aren’t that close, throwing them into a seperate story and seeing how they interaction, which the fic does brilliantly, makes me care about them all over again, and really and truly gets both of them, in a really sharp, interesting way! This is a fic to read even if you’re just sort of a casual fan, even if I sort of worry that it’ll kinda spoil you for the rest of fandom. It’s just so good! Obi-Wan is so spot on, Waxer is so well-written, the other characters (like Ahsoka and Bant and Mace and, oh, Anakin) have been given so much thought and understanding for why they are how they are and it’s “Obi-Wan and Waxer go around trying to fix the galaxy as best they can” kind of road trip antics that are so, so satisfying. ✦ “The Padawan Chooses The Master” by lurkingcrow, obi-wan & anakin & cast, 3.6k prompt: AU - The Jedi say “The Padawan Chooses The Master” Qui Gon lives, Obi Wan is very preoccupied, and Anakin is put into the creche as an Initiate to learn what he can until Qui Gon wakes up from his coma and gets yelled at by the Council. In the meantime, Anakin meets other Jedi Masters and when the Council asks him who he wants to be his teacher, his answer isn’t Qui Gon. Instead it’s *insert your fav Jedi here* I’ve probably recommended this one before, but I reread it again recently and was just as in love with it as ever, because it’s so good-hearted and so sparkling and so spot-on, both in the details it pulls in from the GFFA and the worldbuilding it does in the background. I love it because it’s a fic designed to give Anakin some more breathing room when he first comes to the Jedi, to get used to life as an Initiate and also that way Palpatine can’t have access to him, because that’s not the same thing as a Padawan, who has more independence in choosing who they hang out with, which means he doesn’t have the same poison being dripped in his ear. It also means there’s more time with various teachers to bond with Anakin, where sometimes they’re serious about getting his attention and sometimes they’re not, they just want to have some fun or teach him some things (THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING, when people aren’t wholly serious about vying for someone’s attention, but do so in a way that’s clearly meant to be fun for everyone) and it shows the heart of the Jedi and who they are without outside influence. It’s understandable why it didn’t go this way in canon (Anakin needed the security of having his position as Obi-Wan’s Padawan locked down tight) but it balances that against how this feels true to the spirit of the Jedi and is just an absolutely screaming delight to read! And, oh, when Anakin does choose his Master, it’s better for everyone that they had this breathing space, that everyone had more time to adjust to the new places in their lives and have more experience, in addition to just being really sparkling and charming to read. It’s cute as fuck and leaves me with a warm glow every single time and that feeling is the best. ✦ Obikin Drabble by fn_6969, obi-wan/anakin, ~1k Anonymous prompt: “fic idea- darth vader thinking about obi-wan oh no” This was a short but feelings-laden piece about Vader thinking about Obi-Wan, it’s softer and probably more leaning towards Anakin recognizing the truly monstrous betrayal he’s done, but it was all about making me want to slump down in my seat and cry about my feelings on these two, this character especially, and it accomplished that! ✦ untitled by subskywalker, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, d/s elements, 1.5k Anonymous asked: Could you do a headcanon about Sith emperor!Obi-Wan and his Sith apprentice Anakin…who is also his sub?? This is a series of headcanons and it’s very much about embracing the iddy aspect of Sith!Emperor!Obi-Wan and sub!Vaderkin in a very porny way, but if you’re hanging around my blog, there’s a reasonable chance you’re into that kind of thing and god knows I really had fun reading it! It’s cheerfully filthy, it’s an excuse for pure porn, and it’s meant to hit a person’s id dead on, if that’s your thing, and, look, we all know I have a weakness for this and I’m really, really here for this, especially when it’s clear the OP is having an absolute blast with it! ✦ For the Sake of the Mission by TheKinkAwakens (thekinkawakens), obi-wan/anakin/padme, NSFW, 2.6k Anakin and Obi-Wan have to go undercover as Padmé’s husbands. Of course, no one mentioned the public display of 'pleasure’ they’d have to put on to prove their loyalty to her. I have not read nearly enough undercover fic in this fandom yet and so this was a delightful fic to find, where Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme go undercover on a mission as the description says and, of course, that means Obi-Wan and Anakin need to touch each other to not blow their cover and what could have given me secondhand embarrassment neatly avoided that feeling for me and instead there was just something fun and light-hearted about this story. It was a really fun read to find today! ✦ Surrender to the Light by Raven_Knight, obi-wan & anakin & luke & qui-gon, 1.1k Ben Kenobi knew exactly what he was doing when he saw Luke watching his duel with Darth Vader. A look at Obi-Wan’s point of view during the duel on the Death Star and everything that’s brought them all to this point, the history with Anakin that’s soweighhty, but also the hope for the future with Luke. Canon shows us that Obi-Wan’s motivation was to buy time for Luke to get to safety, away from Vader, to take Leia and Han with him, but I found this an interesting piece that delved into what the Force was telling him and what Obi-Wan hoped for the future. ✦ The Sun and the Ocean by zarabithia, obi-wan/anakin/padme, 2.3k Five things that happened when the twins were born early. hint: threesomes happen and assholes die. This is a totally cute, fun, fluffy Happily Ever After fic and I need more of those in my life! It does do the attachment = love thing, which is contradicted by canon, and it sort of stuck out all the more because it was a jab in an otherwise warm-hearted, good-spirited fic, but I only mention as a caveat for those who care about that and to encourage past it, because this was soft and adorable and just gleefully embracing the making of everyone happy! It was just the right length for a oneshot and was all warm and fuzzy with how the twins being born early shifted the focus enough to let everything turn out better and I NEED HAPPY THINGS IN MY LIFE I will read all of the happy Obianidala fic, especially when it’s just bouncy and fun!

#obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #padme amidala #obikin #obianidala #ahsoka tano #luke skywalker #qui gon jinn #fic recs #star wars fic recs

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