#‘why do bi women talk about being queer all the time when they literally have a boyfriend🙄’

[lucydacusgirl]

I love reading essays about bisexuality but it is crazy how we’ve been have the same conversations for over thirty years. Bisexuals have been critiquing the ‘straight passing’ narrative since the 90s (and I’m sure longer) and yet I still have to see it any time bisexuals are mentioned in queer spaces. Like.

(From ‘Challenging the Stereotypes’ by Amanda Udis-Kessler, Bisexual Horizons 1996)

I find it really striking that she says that biphobia from within the community ‘gets in the way of bisexuals working for lesbian/gay rights and dignity’ because I see a lot of people talking about how biphobia from within the community isn’t oppression and I’m not gonna argue about whether it is or not but it absolutely does deny us our dignity.

People constantly make fun of the way that bi people are desperate to affirm their queerness like mocking bi girls who talk about liking women and being bisexual while having a boyfriend with no mention of the fact that that insecurity is based in the constant belittling and ridiculing of bisexual people within the community.

Bisexuals are always always seen as traitors or tryhards or both. We cannot win we can’t do anything right. (Except decide that we’re actually gay or straight)

[chevelleneech]

While I do not mind BuckTommy, I wish their shippers and anyone more partial to them than Buddie, would stop lying about what their relationship is.

Tommy does not prioritize Buck, he simply revolves around Buck. It is the whole reason why them having zero development this season was so stupid, because it left way too much room for fans to make their own decisions on what the relationship is or isn’t, and claim it as canon. It’s why people are already saying they’ll be mad of BT break up, because Tommy is Buck’s healthiest partner, when he’s not.

Tommy is not a character who has a storyline, let alone one who makes decisions that impact the overall story. Everything he does is a result of what the writers need Buck to feel or where they need Buck to be, and that does not make him a healthy partner. They just haven’t written any conflict for them, good or bad.

Thus far, their biggest issue was Buck stumbling through his first date with a man, where Tommy did in fact mock his nervousness then leave him standing in the curb alone. Now, I’m not hung up on that, because I can see why it happened. Buck was extremely nervous and being awkward and likely made Tommy feel bad a little bit, but at the same time, it was wrong of him and he didn’t apologize. And since snippy remarks is all we really know of Tommy, it does become canon that he isn’t actually that nice to Buck. No matter what Bobby said, because as I said before, I strongly disagree with the writers writing in their own cop-out as an excuse for failing to develop Tommy or BT during the season. So yes, Tommy is attracted to Buck and doesn’t treat him like shit, but none of Buck’s exes ever did either. Pretending otherwise is y’all trying to rewrite the show to uplift your ship.

All that to say, Buck and Tommy dating is canon, yes, but them choosing each other or making sacrifices for their relationship, is not. We have been shown quite literally nothing. Everything BT shippers claim for BT, does not actually exist in canon. Not a single bit about love, lust, infatuation, commitment, relationship goals. Nothing, and I wish more “on the fence” fans pointed that out instead of piggy backing as if it’s true. Y’all are hopeful, and that’s fine, I am too. I want Buck to be happy, but I also don't want to give Tim and co praise for doing less than bare minimum.

Buck coming out overshadowed the entire season this year in terms of press and social engagement, but the amount of story and screen time he got in comparison is abysmal. By lying about canon, y’all are giving credit where it is not due. I mean honestly, if someone were to put together a compilation of out!Buck, it would not amount to anything. More so, they’d have to pad it with Buddie scenes, which speaks for itself even if they never go canon.

Anyway, my point is, stop lying about canon, and stop hyping Tim, the writers, and ABC up for what is currently a pretty poorly written storyline. Be happy we got bi!Buck, but also want more for his queer relationship. Especially when his relationships with women came with various small scenes to build their foundation, and him talking to his loved ones about how much he liked them.

[fixing-bad-posts]

Heya, I really really hope this doesn't come off as particularly rude, but I was wondering, why would bisexual women be considered lesbians sometimes and I think you also brought up transgender men and genderqueer ppl? For bisexual women, I just am kinda confused, they can be in lesbian relationships and lesbian spaces, but just describing them as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction at least from where I've always heard it, so wouldn't it be kinda confusing. And for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn't that just bring their genders closer to feminine and at least from what I've heard from some pple I know, they don't like non binary being seen as more womanly (I've heard it being described as woman-lite before annoying) and instead seen as a more inbetween which it sometimes isn't, because of bigotry and other things since nbs can be both fem or masc or androgynous, but wouldn't non woman lesbians kinda push it to be seen as kinda more fem or that person as more fem? I don't know and frankly I'm just kinda confused. I'm really really sorry that this probably comes off as super rude and I hope you forgive me. I frankly just want to learn a little more and have been reading up but wanted to know what you thought. And I just realized how long this was, so so sorry

hello anon! these days, i usually don’t answer asks like these because i’ve already done so several times, but you seem very well-meaning and confused, so i’ll do my best to help. first of all, please check my faq for resources and links about mspec labels and bi lesbians.

second of all—generally—here is my advice for when you encounter a queer label that confuses you:

1) literally just ignore it until you...

2) meet someone in your life who uses that label, at which point you might (respectfully) ask them what using that label means to them specifically, and why it’s important. i’ve done this in real life. the script is something like,

“it’s really cool to get to talk to someone in real life about this stuff—if i may ask, what does identifying as [insert label] mean to you, personally?”

you might also say,

“i’ve never met someone who identifies with [their label] before. would you mind giving me some pointers on the important things to keep in mind in order to respect your identity/make sure you feel respected by me?”

i’ve also never asked anyone to correct me if i mess up and say something rude, but i’m working on the confidence and charisma to be able to say that, because i owe that to others.

all of that said, i wanted to respond to some of your specific questions, and clarify a couple of things below the cut. to clarify:

1. “describing [bisexual women] as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction”. to be clear i am not the one describing bisexual women as lesbians, in this hypothetical situation. when i post about bi-lesbians, i am posting in support of people who—for whatever reason—chose that label for themselves. what i am not doing: advocating to redefine the classically understood definition of lesbian for the entire populous.

2. “wouldn’t it be kinda confusing”? yes! i understand it can be confusing, and i commend you for expressing your confusion instead of reacting in disgust or anger. there are so many things in the queer community that are confusing, even to me, and you don’t need to feel guilty for asking questions as long as you come from a place of genuine curiosity. being confused isn’t bad, and defining yourself in a way that confuses others is, likewise, no transgression.

3. “for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn’t [identifying as a lesbian] just bring their genders closer to feminine […] wouldn’t non woman lesbians […] be seen as kinda more fem”? the answer is: sort of. it depends entirely on how and why the person using this label came to these words. you wrote, “i’ve heard from some pple i know, they don’t like non binary being seen as more womanly”, and i have definitely also heard that! so, for people who feel that way, they probably wouldn’t want a label that evokes womanhood and/or aligns them with femininity assigned to them. but every person is different—so for some nonbinary people, they absolutely do not want to be seen as “woman-lite”, whereas for other nonbinary people, they might want to be seen closer to femme than masc, while still nonbinary. this goes back to what i said at the beginning: best practice is to ask the people in your life how they want you to respect them.

closing thoughts: i hope this clarified some things, but i understand that the topic may still be confusing—feel free to message me if you want a non-judgmental queer to talk things through with. i promise i’ll take you in good faith <3

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Weird anon, here! I'm glad you're getting joy out of discussing a canonical straight man that the actor has confirmed is straight <3

Well for starters - we are talking about characters in a tv show. They are not real people, they do not exist in real life and what I and others choose to see in a character and in their arc - because we can read subtext and the clues the show is giving us is perfectly valid. Indeed the show and a character being talked about with a queer lens is a good thing on multiple levels.

Secondly - Eddie has never been confirmed as canonically straight - the show has never explicitly stated Eddies sexuality in canon - just because he has currently only dated women (as far as we know) doesn’t mean he’s straight. If they wanted to close down conversations and speculation about Eddies sexuality they have had ample opportunities to do so, but they have not for a reason - just remember Buck was in the same boat until 704 when he figured out he was Bi - ergo no longer straight.

Thirdly - the show is very good at exploring narratives around people figuring themselves out and finding themselves and their found family - later in life - Eddies journey happening now is in keeping with that narrative choice - Michael figured out he was gay in later life, Buck figured out he was bi later in life. Maddie had a second Chance with chin, Athena and Bobby found second chances later in life with each other, etc etc - it’s literally what this show does. So why should a large section of fandom exploring Eddies journey through a queer lens rile you up so very much? Why is the fact we’re are finding joy in discussing a characters sexuality annoy you so much when it’s hasn’t been confirmed in any particular direction annoy you so much - telling a story or unrepression through Eddie would be an incredibly valuable storyline - especially for a Latino man - Ryan has talked about machismo in recent interviews and wanting to break down those cultural norms and narratives through the characters he plays - so us discussing and speculating about Eddies arc being a queer one is perfectly valid. You don’t;t like it - block the tags and stop following people who do want to explore that aspect of a CHARACTER ON A TV SHOW - it really is very easy to do.

Also Ryan haas been using gender neutral pronouns when describing Eddies partners or possible future partners for a while - he has only referred to Eddie as heterosexual a couple of times - and specifically when Eddie was in a heterosexual relationship - so it is perfectly normal to use those terms. Oliver has said similar things in the past as well about Buck when Buck was dating women. So there is little to read into there - the actor is talking with the information they have at the time - but things can change - like I said - Ryan has exclusively been using gender neutral pronouns for a while (again much like Oliver started doing as well) and he has also said this in an interview;

‘I love the ambiguity of Eddie and that there’s connective tissue there - for queer people or not - to relate to and to fall in love and find themselves in who Eddie is. there is a vulnerability in Eddie, there is also a chaos in Eddie. there is so much realness in Eddie. And I love that there are so many fawns out there of all demographics that find themselves in Eddie.’

I Hope you enjoy tonight’s episode.

[kocch]

this is a rambling post no one is gonna read but I GOTTA WRITE IT because i've watched the whole 911 show in the past five months and never really talked about it, so i gotta say some things that are important to me (some might be unpopular opinions idk i don't really know the fandom, i've only checked the tag in the past weeks for s8 and all i can see is mostly annoying fanwars about which ship is better)

my dash could be biased and tumblr itself could be biased for mlm ships BUT WHY DID I NOT KNOW THIS SHOW HAS LESBIANS. like. i'm gonna use the few screencaps i posted here on tumblr while i was binge-watching the show buT

they're everything they're the best they're all i've ever wanted and they're not talked about enough, i don't know if it's because they're a wlw ship and they're a BLACK wlw ship or it's just that they're an enstablished couple and all, but damn i wish i saw them more in my dash and here on the freaking gay website because they have given me so many emotions through the seasons and they're SOLID and i just love them so much :( of course i know karen is not always present because it's a procedural show and sometimes the characters disappear for episodes, but they've solidified 911 in my heart . because damn this show is QUEER and it has been queer since day 1

my top faves are chim maddie hen and buck ok i don't make the rules they're the best but I LOVE THEM ALL and i think one of the best things of this show is the found family concept. you just gotta love them all. even if sometimes they have crazy writing moments through the seasons (like when buck tried to sue 118 or when eddie left 118 jfefhrf)

i love LOVE LOVE 911 because of all the feelings, the found family, how inclusive it feels with all the queer storylines and how diverse the main cast is (but also the case-of-the-day cast too... i'm a fan of another procedural like fringe, it was the 2010 and it was the whitest thing ever, (and the production was racist too) things have changed) BUT IT'S still copaganda. athena grant is a lot of copaganda. the two things can coexist i can love her and despise her story at times ok.

i hope we get a great henren/madney storyline in season 8 because (they're literally my faves) they're the best. i kinda wish for chim and maddie to long for a second children, now that they have mara in their lives? I'm not sure, i just know i need more of them. they're literally . so good to me. they've captivated my heart in s2 and they never left. the potential chim and maddie had was so great, but timing, trauma, depression, many things were keeping them apart, and every win felt EARNED. i just think sometimes straights have rights and that's madney's case.

i love buck like anyone in the fandom, but i think part of the craze on tumblr is due to his bisexual storyline and i gotta say... i do enjoy bucktommy. atm they're cute. being silly and in the honeymoon phase. do i ship buddie? i do, there are so many GREAT things through the seasons that make you feel - wow they could be perfect together - but that doesn't mean i will hate on bucktommy for now (yeah, i know, tommy was horrible in the past, yeah he was closeted and repressed, yeah he could have been better, he was racist and homophobic, i know, but i guess he got better since the characters are ok with him? sometimes we'll never get that resolution on screen) (i think all of them had their bad moments as characters, i mean, i could open a whole file about athena being a bad cop and still she's everyone's faves)

getting back to buck i did love his bisexuality storyline and i love him BEING BISEXUAL, it's not about tommy or about eddie or about anyone it's about him being bisexual. in his early 30s. BUT I gotta say, for how writers have written these characters, for me it made so much more sense for eddie to turn out gay than buck having his bi moment (and it's because of the writing). it makes sense for buck to be bisexual because he has always loved women and he's tried to make his relationships work, unlike eddie, but then he found out he also like men. he had soo many queer hints around him and it's just. fitting. i love him to bits. i wish s7 was longer so we could get things a bit slower, the pace was fast but i loved it. AND DAMN buck was jealous of eddie because of tommy? or of tommy because of eddie? I wonder.

i'm not sure 100% they'll go with buddie for now, but maybe it's just i am not an optimistic per se and i wanna see where they go with eddie's personal growth BUT eddie is gay. he gotta be gay. that man only had one love in his life, shannon, and that love is an idea he has. he thinks they had a great love story, but the truth is that they met when they were young, she got pregnant, he ran away from her for years with the military stuff, then he came back and she ran away, then they got together but still she asked for divorce and then she died. he denies her leaving him because of an idea of something that never really existed. even if he loved her, i'm sure he did love her but, it wasn't something perfect or functioning like bathena henren and madney. eddie is a terrible romantic partner (he's a good dad, but a terrible guy to date lbr) and it's because he's gay. i know everyone in the fandom agrees but i gotta write it down ok. when he's forced to date he feels like he has to perform? he self-sabotage all his relationships with women?? his love stories always end because of him? he had panic attack because of committing to ana??? come on ? the marisol storyline?? That shit is insane if he isn't gay

and that's why i'm asking for eddie to come to terms with who HE REALLY IS without christopher in his life. he's not just chris dad. he gotta stop running away. they have the possibility to make a great storyline for him, after several weird seasons for the poor guy. he gotta understand and accept himself and then maybe he'll work out the things with his son. this is one of the most exciting storylines for s8 and i really hope we get it. if we don't we need a PROPER story that makes sense with all of that tbh.

i'm ok with buddie happening in another season tbh i just want eddie to come to terms with his sexuality. i just love good writing and this show has its great moments with characters and that's why i love it, because it has heart. it has incredible characters i love.

i do love bathena and bobby and athena even if it might not be obvious in this post hahah and i wish we could get back may and henry, i miss athena having actually children

[vanmarkus]

This has been on my mind (obviously with everything that's been happening) and I'm curious if I'm alone in it. Do you sometimes think maybe they missed the window with buddie? That it should have happened in season 4 and maybe now they're trying to tell us it's too late? They keep digging the hole deeper for eddie, with shannon being the "the love of his life" he'll never get over and I just wonder if it'll ever make sense again in a way that's not a "consolation" because that would be unfair

so much to unpack here and I doubt you'll like my answer but I'm behind on asks anyway so why the hell not.

so here's the thing.

I am so SO happy that they didn't do buddie in season 4. a rushed season affected by covid with literally one episode lead-up? if we lean into the idea that the shooting/will arc was supposed to be that, that is.

(but mind you that has never been said or confirmed, they floated a bi Buck storyline that got shut down, at which stage we don't even know, could possibly have been before even having a script written for it and way before they even came up with the shooting arc itself.)

but if we lean into that then I would've found it lackluster, personally. I know not everyone holds the same opinions and that's totally fine.

but having two characters who have previously only ever dated and talked about women* suddenly kiss and start dating, without coming out, self-realisation, any other preamble aside from "you almost died/I almost died" which isn't exactly a new predicament for either of these characters...

(*in Buck's case the bi crumbs were huge and I always felt that it could've been a pretty natural progression if they just let us know that actually, Buck was out this whole time it just didn't come up on screen lmao but in all seriousness from a general audience standpoint? having both of them suddenly be together? even though, we had a lot of subtext, I just doubt it would've worked as well as it could work now.)

I mean sure, it might've been just the start and then they could've done a bit more background work for it in season 5, but even if Fox didn't shut it down (again, just a simple bi Buck storyline, not even two main characters on the show suddenly being in a queer relationship or leading up to it at the very least) the risk of not getting renewed for season 5 would've been higher than ever, so for them to leave it hanging at the end of the season would've been unlikely imo.

just to reiterate before moving on: all of the above is based on speculation and what ifs.

and about buddie in this current climate, well... I talked about this extensively so just to keep it short; though I'm more than content if not, I still believe that buddie will become canon eventually.

and ngl I find it kinda frustrating how little faith some of you have in the writing of the show when this season proved more than anything that they are finally back on focusing on the characters and actually have ideas about where to take them instead of having every single one of them running around in circles.

sure, some of the storylines are more than bonkers, but this is 911 and that trend started in season 1, so if you don't like that, then maybe this isn't the show for you. because this season with all the insanity and heartbreak was and is so far, quintessential 911.

both Buck and Eddie are well established, complex characters and they deserve to be taken on a narrative journey separately and together if buddie should happen. yeah, clearly neither character is in a place right now, but what's the rush?

we have at least one more full season ahead of us, that could be more than enough time to take them there.

and I know that anytime I say this there are at least ten people in the notes saying that we had 6 years of lead-up, so it wouldn't be rushed, but I can't help but disagree.

Eddie still has no idea how to be in a relationship and actually be in it. yeah, sure, he and Buck have been playing house for years, but the fact that neither of them seem to recognise that is a big issue on its own. and Buck, for the first time since Abby, is in a good place romantically. like the ship or not, it's canon that he's more content and happy than ever and everyone around him thinks so too.

now, we don't know how long this relationship will last and if/when it'll end and why. but if Buck got the chance to discover this part of himself without trauma and significant pain, with the people around him being supportive and patient, then I don't want Eddie thrown in there with a halfhearted realisation-to-kiss-or-confession within one episode either.

I have trust that if buddie is about to happen, it'll be handled well and in no way, shape or form would it be a consolation prize — especially because Tim is no longer bending over for the bullying of the fans and just goes by his own rules and only gives as much as he wants to. as he should.

honestly, this whole "gimme and gimme now" attitude is so stupid. and frankly, the notion that a popular queer ship would actually have a real chance to go canon has just relatively recently became a thing and now so many people almost feel entitled to it, which then spoils their experience with what's actually going on as a whole.

if your enjoyment of the show is solely dependent on a ship becoming canon? then maybe watch something else, because you're just setting yourself up for heartache, one way or another.

[baddygab-bi]

My theory is that Eddie is going to be written as an ever straighter man in 7x05. Based on the leaks (however true they are), it seems like I’m going to be right, but I was thinking all of this before the leaks came out. I won’t say what they are, only the things I’ve been thinking for weeks or things that can be easily assumed based on writing and plot. (Also please don’t send me more spoilers, I want to have some surprise)

In s7 so far, Eddie has been seen as a guy who married a woman. I thought the line “you mean slept with,” was weirdly included to show that Eddie likes to sleep with women. Also he enjoys cars, martial arts, going to the bar, and basketball. Can queer men like these things? Of course, Tommy does, Buck does (mostly), but the point is that they’re seen as stereotypically straight-man stuff, which is why it’s more shocking that Tommy and Buck are queer. They’re giving Eddie more traits to make him ever more masculine. They mention his girlfriend a lot and show them standing pressed-up against each other.

We all know that Buck is going to come out to Eddie in his loft. I can 100% see them having Eddie being the very supportive straight best friend to Buck, because I think the show wants that dynamic of “queer man and best friend face no awkwardness, just support and love.” To show the audience that two men, even one who’s bi can still have a close best friendship with another man without it going romantic.

Oliver and Tim both said things along the lines of the crush not being on Eddie, no plans for buddie right now. Ryan said (around the time of shooting this episode) they’re going to be closer than ever, which I assumed weeks ago was that Eddie is going to call Buck brother in that loft scene. Closer than ever? They haven’t recently defined their relationship at all, so being referred to as brothers would definitely fit that mark. This also would create deniability for the writers not making buddie canon, because “they’re brothers.” Oliver also said “if one character realizing his bisexuality” and I know he was talking specifically about people’s reactions to Buck, but the singularity of it made me instantly think that he’s the only one exploring his sexuality this season.

Next, we know Eddie and Marisol have a sexy time moment in this next episode because the actress posted a picture. Easiest way for the audience to see Eddie as a straight man? Have sex with a woman. “But Buck had lots of sex with women and he’s bi!” True. But you have to think of it as a general audience, mainly straight, viewer. Woman = not gay. Especially with what (according to leaks) seems like the plot will be more about Eddie wanting sex than the other way around. We know he and Shannon had a good sex-life and that it’s implied that he and Ana hooked up at least once if not more. He’s no Buck 1.0, but when it comes to Eddie’s sex-life, the writers aren’t shying away from him being seen as a manly man.

In the promo we see him and Marisol at the restaurant and the one thing I noticed first was the fact that Edy’s shirt is low cut and her push-up bra is truly doing the most. Like half of her boobs are just totally out. Wardrobe dressed her to look all sexy (they very likely provided the bra too), to show that Eddie is a typical dude-bro with a hot female girlfriend. In an episode that Ryan mentioned included something about intimacy, and from what I know of the leaks, it’s really digging into the fact that men have sex with women and it’s all the show that Eddie is here for that.

If buddie ever goes canon, the earliest I can imagine things even starting on Eddie’s side would be season 8. I think Marisol is here to stay until further notice, which makes me sick, but I’m theorizing that the “looks at their relationship closer” thing will be him asking her to move in, because that’s the only thing it can be. From what we’ve seen and heard, their relationship is going good, and even though these writers have lost the plot (literally and metaphorically), because it’s been less than 5 months of dating and they’re still getting to know each other, they think that seems like the next step in their relationship. It once again will highlight the way they want Eddie to be seen as a macho guy. I know so many people are thinking that the writers are just putting Eddie through this relationship to show that he’s a repressed queer man, but i don’t agree. I mean, yeah he could been repressed, but I don’t think that’s why the writers are doing what they’re doing. I think we’re trying to find something that they’re not giving us, because what they’re giving us just feels so wrong with everything else we know about Eddie so far and where his story was leading to in s6.

Plot wise, buddie still made the most sense. Past tense. The end of season 6 really fucked with things to the point where had they gotten rid of both girlfriends, it would’ve been fine, but it still feels like Buck and Eddie are too separate right now for it to go romantic as it is right now. But as for partners, yeah, Buck and Eddie will always make the most sense for each other in theory. In practice though, the show does have to worry about ratings and hopefully the reactions to Buck show them that they don’t have to worry about it negatively affecting the show, but I just really don’t think that they’ll have Eddie be anything other than straight because they’ll lose fans that way. Granted it’s homophobic fans, and they’ll gain more queer fans, but when you think about the business side, the numbers would jump too much. I love how much we all love watching 911, but people watching through pirated links, illegal streaming sites, tumblr gifs, TikTok’s, and uploaded google files, while they are obvi massive fans, aren’t considered in the viewership counts. The show may gain a huge influx of viewers if Buddie happens, but the numbers they’re looking at aren’t tumblr users, they’re people watching on Hulu and live TV. Which tends to be people in older demographics, people they risk losing if they have the other “hot straight firefighter” “go gay.”

This isn’t to be negative. I love buddie. I love BuckTommy right now too. I’ll be so sad when Tommy leaves. I’m just trying to be realistic because I can see so many people getting their hopes up, and not just in a fun shipping way, but in a real way where they’re confident buddie is going to happen this season. I’m so scared for the show and everyone’s heartbreak when it doesn’t happen.

[mrs-monaghan]

Hi how you doing?

So I have a question that is bothering me.

How do you think the conversation went when at one point in their relationship JKK had to talk to the others members?

Like i imagine they must have told them like "officially" even if the others knew smth was going on btw them.

And do you think they tried to warn them? Bcz they are idols living in SK and in the biggest group?

And what about the company? Do you think they had to "officially" come out to them too?

THANKS

Why is this really difficult question for me? Omg

There is literally no way for anyone to know any of this my lovely 😂😂😂

What we can say happened for certain coz it seems like it would be protocol, would be Bangpd holding a meeting with all 7 of them. Jikook being together affects the entire group after all. So their boss calling them all together after everything has been said and done is a thing I think we can all agree on, probably happened.

As for the rest it's all guess work on my end of course since like I mentioned apart from parties involved, there's no way of having an exact answer to this.

So this is just what I think happened and I wouldn't mind seeing in the comment section what others think also.

How do you think the conversation went when at one point in their rlship Jkk had to talk to the other members?

Members i think already knew: Jhope, V, Jin,

Member i think needed to be told: RM,

Member I'm not sure about: Suga

I dont recall Jhope talking alot about women but between Suga saying his type is a man with a beard and JK a girl with muscles and Jimin shamelessly wanting JK, it's easy to peg Yoonminkook from jump. RM, Jin and V however, if u watch their early content there is a way they talk that's super hetero. The word wife and girlfriend and kids used to be thrown around which is why I've always pegged Jin as straight. (Yes gay men can have kids too but Taejin meant with women for sure) while I think RM is bi, these 3 emitted the most heteronomative vibes to me.

My point is, I can see this being why RM could have possibly missed what was happening right under his nose. As for V, due to his original views on homosexuality I would've put him in this category if Vminkook weren't as close as they used to be. But the general consensus is that V felt some type of way when Jikook got together since he kind of lost his best friend to JK. Its because of this I can see V putting the pieces of the puzzle together.

First it was him and Jimin hanging out together. Then JK wants to join them all the time so now they're the close trio. But then suddenly Jikook are hanging out without him or keep disappearing and coming up with weird excuses. Idk if you've ever had friends that were shagging, but things start to get weird and suspicious real quick and before you know it, you've worked out they're hooking up. Especially when u start to feel like the 3rd wheel. I imagine that's what happened with V. The moment he realised Jimin likes dudes it was game over, really.

The reason why I think Jin didn't need to be told is coz the Jinkook dynamic is really strong. And we know it was this way from the beginning. What with Jin taking JK under his wing and being like a dad to him almost. He looked after him and made sure he got everything he wanted. And even though they have a Tom and Jerry dynamic going on I think JK respects the shit out of this man. I can see even now in 2023 Jimin going to Jin when JK won't listen and tells him to talk to JK or something like that. And it doesn't even have to be for a Jikook fight. I can see Jimin going to Jin about any concerns he could have about JK. Anyway, my point is, I think JK told Jin himself. That is, if Jin didn't already figure it out. Even if he told JK "I knew already" I can see JK wanting to tell Jin himself.

I cannot place Suga and I go back and forth for 2 reasons. 1) Him being queer himself may have made him automatically figure it out, couple that with him liking, liking Jimin, but noticing Jimin likes JK instead. Or 2) Suga likes to mind his own business and so he don't pay attention to members personal lives unless he needs to. Plus he was busy trying to practice hard on this complex choreo he didn't sign up for and had producing and writing to worry about.... idk guys. Idk about our mans Suga. But I lean more towards number 1 because just coz he minds his business doesn't mean he don't notice what goes on around him 🤔

As for Jhope this is a no brainer, really. We don't even need to headcannon this y'all. He was the first to know. Didn't even need to be told. JK was around them all the time in their room, in Jimin's bed. I wouldn't be surprised if he accidentally walked in on a make out session once or twice. Or that one time they thought he was sleeping and they started making out, little did they know Jhope could hear everything

Idk anon. Idk how Hobi found out but he was the first.

I imagine they must have told them like "officially"

For sure. I agree. At some point Jikook must have decided to actually say something to the members. Maybe 2016? I think that by Osaka Vlive all members knew. After that live no one was allowed to budge into another member's room without warning ever again so for that to have happened means all for them saw what we saw, which means they knew. So by 2016 they all knew.

V, Jin and Jhope of course told them they already knew. Maybe Suga too? And only RM was shook 😂😂 i can't picture otherwise guys. Tell me he's not confused AF here. He's like; what in the world is going on???

And do you think they tried to warn them? Bcz they are idols living in SK and in the biggest group?

Yes. Especially RM as the leader. I'm sure as soon as he found out he was already thinking about the downside. Jin and Jhope supported them immediately and told them to be careful. V and Suga did not address repercussions. I don't see them caring about that.

And what about the company? Do you think they had to "officially" come out to them too?

Like I said their rlship affects the group so yeah an official meeting with Bangpd had to have been had about this. Their contracts had to be adjusted, etc.

But I believe Bangpd supports them 1000% and was quite lenient with them until 2022/2023.

Hope I've answered accordingly. Share your thoughts guys. I'm interested in hearing who u thought already knew and who u thought had to be told.

Hmmm.... I wonder though, if moments like this one from 2014 made RM sus though..🤔 but still, idk why I think he just didn't think in a million years 2 members of his own group could do something like this 😂😂

[legless-fish-on-rollerskates]

Okay obviously any movie adaptation of a book is going to be trimmed down. I get why they didn't spend time on certain things like Nora and Alex's dating history and Ellen's PowerPoint. It makes sense with the way movie beats work to show them getting outed immediately after they reconcile instead of having the extra act of them writing more emails acknowledging their love and fake dating Nora and June to try and take some heat off and Henry coming out to Phillip. Some changes like Henry's surname being different and having a king instead of a queen I know were about not offending the irl royal family and while I'm not exactly a fan of the monarchy I don't really care that much. Pez just being "Percy"? Kinda sad but again, I don't really care. I even understand cutting things like Bea's struggles with addiction, Catherine's depression and detatchment from her children, and Richards being the one who outed them with Raphael Luna as the triple agent - they have value to the story and I wish we could have seen them, but from a filmmaking perspective I can see how they would take up a lot of time to properly include. There were a lot of things I loved about this movie, which I'm adding to the bottom of this post so as not to be a total downer. Overall I think it was a good movie and a relatively faithful adaptation. But also there are some changes I am less a fan of.

So, my biggest issues with the RWRB movie:

Amy being trans is never mentioned? It's literally one line in the book could it not be one line in the movie? (At least they didn't cast a cis actress, so presumably the character is still trans, but we could have said that. She could have at least worn a pin that would not have been hard)

Bea is younger than Henry 🤨 What even was the purpose of this change?

Look I'm not even gonna talk about June we've all talked about June plenty already

Alex already knows he's bi? His idiot crisis is a huge thing! It establishes so much about both his and Nora's characters! Was it really so important to reduce things by five minutes that we couldn't get a quick "wait I like guys???" "congrats you are literally the last to know"

Nora being bi is never mentioned?? I get that without June you'd have Pez focus his affections on Nora but having a thing with a guy doesn't make her straight! She could have at least said something when Alex came out to her! (Also without June you lose the poly undertones of Nora June and Pez which I at least thought was pretty important)

Just gonna reiterate, because the more I'm thinking about it now the more upset it's making me - They erased Nora's bisexuality and Amy's transgenderism and June doesn't exist? Congrats you've killed all the story's queer women

Ellen and Oscar are supposed to be DIVORCED that was IMPORTANT

No inspiring Alex speech to the crowd while they're waiting on Texas - this moment could have been so much more active than standing in the hall waiting and hoping

Alex gives his coming out speech BEFORE they get permission from the crown?? That doesn't even make sense! One, he never talked to Henry about it, and two, the white house would never have risked international relations by letting him do something like that without the king's permission

Getting permission from the crown was way too easy. In the book Catherine literally had to blackmail Queen Mary into letting them come out. You're telling me the king just went, "Are you SURE Henry are you REALLY SURE okay fine"? It way takes down the tension of the climax and also kind of invalidates all of Henry's fear that he's been struggling with the whole movie. It would be way more powerful for him to stand up for himself against a grandparent who was outright against him rather than one who just wasn't really thrilled about it

Why was Henry fully dressed jacket and all after their first time did Alex not reciprocate or what

That being said, things I loved about the RWRB movie:

"And I thought Alexander Gabriel Claremont Diaz was a mouthful" - "He is"

"History, huh?" in the V&A (I'm sad this wasn't in the emails because it means no wider HH movement from the public, but it was really sweet how they did it)

Visibly obvious red-rimmed eyes from both Henry and Alex (though Henry more) throughout most of the third act - just a little detail that I appreciated

Alex's conversation with Henry about being a person in politics who looks like him when his dad didn't have that growing up

Henry full on swimming away so fast when Alex tried to tell him he loved him, no mosquito excuse in sight. This was just really fucking funny I don't know why

Exchanging the necklace for the ring - works really well, great excuse for him not to add the ring to the necklace (for those who don't know, they tried this first but the lump was really obvious and it screwed up the costume so they had to figure out a different way to do it)

Henry continuously playing the piano throughout the movie

"She's not a republican, is she?"

Literally everything Zahra Bankston does and says she is perfect I love her

Mike Holleran is just as irrelevant in the movie as he is in the book. I continue to find this hilarious

Henry differentiating between the persona of HRH Prince Henry and the person he is to himself, specifically the fact that he defines his true self as Henry Fox

The equerry vs butler argument, purely because before we watched the movie I was giving a recap to my dad of the important characters and described Shaan as "basically Henry's personal butler" when he didn't know what I meant by equerry. I'm sorry Shaan I didn't mean it

[vegafan69]

i mean this in the politest way possible, it’s genuine curiosity: i’m a bit confused about you using the lesbian label but mostly talking about your attraction to men? at least i’m assuming you’re actually attracted to said men and this isn’t a bit you’re doing. is it that you’re using lesbian as a more overarching label and less strictly, like how i as a (ostensibly) bi/queer man call myself gay sometimes, as less of a strict label and more as an adjective?

further question, why would a lesbian (not you, necessarily, i’ve seen other people do this) be a huge fan of incredibly male-centric romance media? from what i understand, the point of romance media is that a person gets some kind of gratification out of it: they want to date one of the characters and they project onto the other character (i am fine with this being the case, i think it’s just how the genre works), but this model doesn’t work when i see lesbians being really into media about gay men (this isn’t necessarily about redacted, this is a more general thing). i guess i don’t understand what they would get out of it, if that makes sense. like when straight women are into gay male ships it’s the same thing as straight men fetishizing lesbians, but i don’t see the transfer with lesbians being really into men. i literally asked my sister this (she is also a lesbian) and i didn’t understand her answer.

again, all of these questions are meant politely and out of sociological curiosity! you don’t have to answer any of this if you’re not comfortable.

The whole time I’m in class i’ve been wondering how i can answer this LMAOO 😭 bro’s channelling his inner Damien frfr

uhm okay imma be real i have no idea how to answer your question so i will be honest the best i can 😓🙏

the simplest answer i can give you is: fictional men. not real. no proper attraction to them. the idea of them is attractive - but not realistically.

also just to clarify - i see lesbian as a proper label and identity, not an adjective. i’m not attracted to men in any way, or at least not anymore (still trying to figure this out) uhm idk about the lesbians liking media with gay men cause im not interested in bl or yaoi or any mlm romance but my best guess is that they’re just interested in queer media 🤷‍♀️

what did your sister say tho i’m kinda curious /lh

i personally separate fictional and real attractions completely 🤷‍♀️ i identified as bi until end of may this year, and have been listening to redacted since last year. i still like vega a whole lot tho idk what that means 😗

[camrensrealbish]

Hello, hope you are doing well, I have a theory.

Remember when Camila said she had sex for the first time with that old dumbfuck idiot?(LMFAO). Anyways, this makes sense. Not because it is true of course not, it’s false because 1) that was PR 2) Camila will never fall for his dumbass 3) Camren was actually together during the PR ( AMA, 2018! And number of indirects which were not coincidental) 4) this is subjective because I believe Camila is a lesbian. It makes sense because the narrative made by her team is that she was never in love before Matthew and then again changed it to Shawn( lmfao, they can’t keep it consistent) C being a romantic hopeless fell in love with Matthew and “gave her virginity to him” (🤮) and then she always had a crush on Shawn and ended up being with him after dumping Matthew. That didn’t work out, she tried to move on with a dude who made an app or something (don’t know don’t care) Shawn and C tried again didn’t work out again because he is a person who needs help( lmfao, he does need help with singing especially) and now is in a era of basically just being happy with herself and exploring.

Now, this is interesting(I think), basically the narrative is saying she didn’t explore her sexuality until she was 20( funny how it also destroy the myth of those leaked texts between her and Michael from 5sos) this could be potentially used when she will come out of the closet. Saying, “ I am exploring my sexuality now and I discovered I like women too so I am bi/ pan(whatever her team thinks suits her better)” this also just proves( at least for the GP) there was nothing between Camren back in the band days (sure, Jan), leading to the future where they could come out as a couple without exposing their past. (If they are still together) . I believe this for one more reason as recently in an interview, Lauren said “I was the only queer in the group….AS FAR AS I KNOW” I think it is self explanatory why that is important. Another thing is how much Gaymila has been out. I could be wrong, but then again nothing is coincidence with these two. What do you think?

😅😅 he does need help with singing especially 😭

I love you 😅

Thanks for submitting this, I had a great time reading it. And yes, I think your theory is correct.

Speaking of one more thing that doesn't make sense in this timeline, Camila wrote "Camila" before Matthew. She sings about sex there, and not in a metaphorical sense or whatever nonsense they are trying to call it now, and I'm pretty sure she was talking about it in interviews at the time (Zach Sang interview if I'm not mistaken).

Coming back to your ask, they've been covering the grounds in case she decides to come out one day since 2019. They can keep advising her against it, but ultimately they can't stop her from coming out if she decides to do soq. So they made sure it doesn't turn against them (Epic, managers, etc.) when she does. Lauren saying multiple times by now that there might be other 5H members who weren't queer back then but might be now (literally why would you say that 😅) is a big clue for us that they're planning for this eventuality that Camila might come out.

I think she's a lesbian too, but if/when she does come out it will be as bi, to fit all her PRs and everything people know about her so far into this story. And this way it's less risky too, because it doesn't alienate straight people as much 🙄. They really care about seeing themselves represented in media 🙄🙄🙄.

The thing is, I'm not so certain she wants to come out anymore. She definitely doesn't seem as keen on it as she used to be. But I truly hope she does one day, simply because I'd like to see it 🥹.

[nothorses]

hi! this is a question about pansexuality that i fear asking. tbh i don't really care what anyone identifies as. everyone's part of my community to me. i am trying to wrap my head around bi v pan stuff as someone who is neither. i know bisexuals who are critical of the pan label because to them it distinguishes bisexuality as starkly Not being pansexuality. when definitions of bisexuality have included "attraction regardless of gender, or to all genders (and including trans and nb people)" for many bisexuals since like the 70s which is how i see pansexuality defined a lot of the time

i know that bi and pan have always been concurrent labels and they have a lot of overlap and that some ppl use them interchangeably. and i truly don't care that ppl id as pan. but i do feel weird seeing it juxtaposed to definitions of bisexuality that aren't inclusive of all bisexuals? (ie that bisexuals aren't attracted to ALL genders, just two or more.. when many bisexuals Are attracted to all genders! part of bisexual history is that people have been fighting to let others know Bisexuality is more inclusive than the literal like latin meaning of bi = two). i don't know where to stand on this divide. i love pansexuals and the pan label and the right to self determination in identity but i do understand the argument that it feels hurtful in a biphobic way to say it is inherently a distinct sexuality from being bisexual when it's. like. many bi and pan ppl would define their sexuality in the exact same way other than a difference in specific label. i feel like people hate this opinion lmao!!! please help! even if you hate my opinion too i literally feel like i need guidance KDBDBS

Tbh I think there's a lot of historical context to this whole convo, and I don't think you're alone in being confused. And honestly given the amount of info you have, I think you're in a pretty respectable spot about it. (And I say "historical" here in the sense that I am. 25. and I'm mostly talking about the things I have either seen firsthand, or read about/heard about from others.)

So like- when I was a Young Queer, it was very common for people to define "bi" as meaning "men and women" (or even "cis men and cis women"), and thus "pan" rose to popularity as an alternative to essentially mean "everyone, including trans and nonbinary people".

This was like, early 2010's? And I'm talking about other Young Queer spaces and interactions. And you kind of have to remember that in that time, it was kind of radical to tell people not to call things "gay" if they didn't like them. Joking that people were trans (usually in terms like "lol Justin Beiber is a lesbian") was common even in progressive spaces. I was stunned when a friend of mine asserted that they were just gonna stop using the r-slur, like, at all.

So I can kind of understand why "pan" might have felt like a needed thing at the time. I think it felt like a kind of shorthand for "I'm cool with trans people", and at least from my perspective, that was something you very much needed to state back then.

I think there are a lot of people my age who, if they don't still understand "bi" and "pan" that way, at least kind of "get" where that definition is coming from. And yeah, it's ahistorical as hell! "Bi" has always been inclusive of trans people. Not to mention people have been defining it all sorts of ways for a long time now; there are a ton of definitions out there, and how the word is defined often depends on who you ask.

But then you ask: if we know "bi" is and has always been trans-inclusive, why does anyone still need the word "pan"? And I think the answer is... complicated. And extremely personal, tbh.

This happens with queer language all the time; as terms are cycled out in favor of new ones, people who've been using them hang on regardless. Sometimes they don't know the language has been updated, but usually it's more than that. Usually they have more of a personal relationship with the word, and the community, that they can't just give up in favor of a new word.

Maybe some people who do understand that "bi" is not actually a transphobic term also still view "pan" as shorthand for "I'm cool with trans people", and that's important to them. Maybe they grew up with that word, formed relationships under it, and came out with it. Maybe the pan community impacted them in some profound way, and rejecting it over shifting definitions just doesn't feel right. There could be any number of reasons.

The other part of this is that much as people have come to understand the original definition of "bi" more widely now, the definition of "pan" and "bi" both have taken on multiple definitions as well. I've seen a lot of definitions that seem to exist just to differentiate the two. For example:

Bi: attracted to multiple (but not necessarily all) genders Pan: attracted to all genders

Bi: attracted to all genders, but in different ways, or with preferences Pan: attracted to all genders essentially the same

Bi: attracted to multiple (or all) genders Pan: attraction regardless of gender

I've also seen people use "bi" as the umbrella term, and "pan" as a more specific label beneath it (often with one of those pairs of definitions).

And you mention that "bi" has a lot of different definitions and understandings- so does pan! How a person understands those words, particularly when they identify with them, is going to be deeply personal and very likely very different from the next person. I think a good rule of thumb is to assume that whoever you're talking to may just have a different definition and understanding of the word they're using than you do, and try to ask them about it if it concerns you.

[lizardinkart]

when people are like "i'm going to Score A Win For The Gays by performatively decrying Taylor/Brian" but actually they're just being racist

Alright it’s almost 2 AM time for an unhinged rant

This is my #1 pet peeve actually. As a pasty white queer person nothing pisses me off more than white queer people (or even just queer people full stop) using their queer/gay/lgbt card to just be another kind of bigot. You can be queer and still be racist besties! Examine your beliefs and question why you believe them!!!

But in all seriousness people performatively decrying Taylor/Brian as either “uwu Taylor must be a wlw untouched by the impure hand of Men” or “Not-as-slick-as-y’all-think-you-are racists” gets on my nerves so bad. Because you’re missing the chance to appreciate the actual text of the story AND the bittersweet tragedy of it all. Just because (spoilers) they didn’t work out and Brian dies unceremoniously without Taylor knowing or bothering to double check (right before she scrambles her brains and uses the fabricated idea of Brian in a cabin as her anchor to reality), doesn’t mean that they didn’t impact each other and make each other better (and worse) people in long-lasting ways. Yes, Taylor MAJORLY fucked up Brian by abandoning/betraying him when he really needed that stability and she promised that she could deliver it, and it’s cathartic to get out of Taylor’s head and see that he actually did find someone he could lean on in Cozen, but also we can see how this kind of young, naive, and well-meaning but ultimately destructive kind of love that I’m sure many of us encountered when we were young and fucked up in a relationship (romantic or otherwise) could manifest in someone like Taylor. Because we saw her at her best, when she was able to be what she needed to be for Brian, when Brian made her finally feel good about herself for the first time since Emma turned on her, when they found comfort in each other when their worlds fell to shit. The wounds they healed could only be matched by the wounds they made, reflexive and thematic of them being in the right relationship at the wrong time. If I made that dynamic into a queer relationship or a same-race relationship, bet people would be talking about this ship a whole lot more. But no. We have to be racist and put down het ships because everything that’s het or “Not White/the Acceptable kind of POC” is Bad and Icky and we can’t be bothered with that. God forbid it be both! Fuck riiiight off :)

(Also side tangent but a healthy dose of biphobia oft sneaks in here because everyone’s quick to write off that bi people can be in het-passing relationships too. I do in fact fanon Taylor/Brian as both being bi because men and women don’t talk about women like that *gestures vaguely at how Wildbow writes florid descriptions of women in Taylor’s brain and like, the barest bones musings for Brian, repressed bisexual <3* and not end up being some kinda fruity.)

To paraphrase my much-smarter-than-me partner, it is still revolutionary to see a black man and a white woman in a real relationship in media, especially one that doesn’t play into the tired racist stereotypes and is (at least somewhat) healthy and optimistic about the fact that interracial relationships are not only viable but completely normal and harmless and desirable. Taylor/Brian was by no means perfect, but my god was it refreshing to see a character like Taylor, a very complex feminine character that wants to be perceived as strong, smart, and capable while also being feminine and desirable without being conventionally attractive, who just wants to know she can be loved despite her trauma, and Brian, a deeply emotional man struggling with the interconnectedness of his life’s traumas with his practice of masculinity as emotionally restricting/repressing, and his desire to protect the people he loves despite the literally crippling PTSD and a tendency to hold on just a little too tight, get into a relationship and actually work out there for a sec. And the fact that you get all of this obvious love and care and attention put into an interracial relationship on TOP of that is just chefs kiss 11/10 best shit I’ve seen in my life. It is such a welcome change to your average tasteless, de-clawed straight or even gay relationships in media or fandom and I would actively pay to see another Taylor/Brian style pairing over 2 conventionally attractive twinks/femmes being uwu cute at each other.

This was a very meandering and scattered rant but yeah. This is by no means excusing any of the actually racist stuff in Worm, because it’s certainly in there, but I can talk about that a different time.

Thinly veiled miscegenation-phobias and generalized racism begone! Stan Taylor/Brian for clear skin and an actually well-written romance.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello Steph!

Ace Awareness week is already over, but I'd be really happy if I could ask you something about being a-spec. I'm honestly not sure who to ask irl and I feel like I've learned a lot on your blog, that's why I'm sharing this with you. I really hope this isn't too long or personal. If it is, please ignore it and thank you for reading <3.

So, I recently found out for myself that I'm pan(-sex.&-rom.) and platoniromantic (whee, there's a word for it! and I'm not automatically a creep! whoop!) For me it means, I basically have crushes on all of my friends at all times, (but Lgbt wiki says it falls under the aromantic-umbrella) which can get a bit awkward.

Growing up as a girl with my female friends, I've been confused by how physically affectionate they were (Hugs, and hand holding; Platonically sharing the bed etc.) bc I don't think any of them were sapphic. It was just cute and sweet for them, but they didn't want more. As a consequence I've been careful not to act on those feelings and not make my friends uncomfortable or abuse their trust(hence why I thought I'm creepy); the times I hinted at taking it further, they never seemed to be interested (I mean, what are the chances they're even sapphic?) It's kind of been the same with my bi/straight male friends. My dating pool is basically my small rl friend group (currently 2 lovely women), but I guess that way it's less likely they're also like me romantically back?

Over the years, it's just caused me a bit of heartbreak, because I have cared deeply about my friends and crave a closer romantic connection to someone. And, I mean, I do think it's kinda sweet that when my lizard-brain sees something friend-shaped, it wants to put a ring on it, but I don't really know how to proceed from here.

I'm honestly embarrassed that I'm already in my mid-twenties and have so little experience (no romantic/sexual relationships, not even proper kissing) (partly bc the pandemic struck 1 year after I got out of school). Do you maybe have some advice on how to meet people that 'match'? I'm quite shy and people usually call me uptight, so I haven't really been to any queer spaces in rl bc I'm a bit intimidated. Like, I don't seem particularly queer and I'm not great at talking about these things (I'm not even out to my family yet). Heck, for the longest time I thought I'm straight and just doing friendships wrong.

I'd appreciate a morsel of your wisdom, but it's also been really nice to just be able to share this with someone. It's made me feel less weird. Thank you.

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

Never ever hesitate to ask a question here... sometimes I answer them, sometimes I don't, but I try my best! <3 Especially asks about asexuality, because I like sharing the stuff I learned on my journey, AND I also enjoy researching to learn more as I reply to these asks!

So, OOOF, romance is definitely not something I know a lot about. And PLEASE don't be embarrassed at all. It's society that engrains this horrid notion that if you're in your 20s and you still haven't met someone / had sex, you're all dried up and no good (hence all the terrible ageism in fandom spaces). Nonny, I'm in my 40s and I've never had a serious relationship – sexual nor romantic – in my entire life. I crave wanting to be in love, but sadly it's not something that's probably ever in my future. And that said, I am LITERALLY the worst person to ask advice on how to "meet people" – I'm neurotic and introverted with horrid social anxiety, so meeting new people for me is a months-long prep period for me. And because I'm ace, I feel like sites like tinder and bumble aren't going to welcome me, so I've just... never tried.

Pfff so I suppose probably looking into community groups in your area, or joining social program (both things I haven't done because – you know – anxious). A-spec relationships are tough, it seems, because some of us such as myself just want to meet someone I can cuddle and love and spend all my time with for the rest of my life, while others might want the sex but not the romance... it's tough. Honestly there's no right answer I can offer you, mainly because I'm very inexperienced myself.

For me, I take joy in loving the people in my life in the various roles they play in it: my coworkers, my sister, my besties, and my family all have different attachments to me. I care about them all, and it's fulfilling in its own way. And I DO want a partner, if one will ever have me, but it's not a necessity to make life fulfilling for me.

I also haven't really been to queer spaces IRL either other than Pride and the cons I've visited, but yeah I feel like I'm going to be intruding because I'm not outgoing myself. I really wish I had the right answer for you, Lovely. I'd like to know myself. I feel like, sometimes, that I just got in too late.

ANYWAY, sorry if this isn't a good reply nor make you feel better, but I'm happy you felt comfy enough to share your story with me. Asks like this one make ME feel less alone too, Nonny. *HUGS**

If anyone has any advice, please feel free to add onto this post <3

[alexissara]

Why You Should Try Gales Of Nayeli

With Gales Of Nayeli putting out an updated demo I wanted to take some time to be this games hype woman. I have no personal profit to gain from this game's success, I became friends with the games dev after becoming a backer and eventually over chatting on discord it became more than like interview questions where I tried to learn more about the game for my own piece of mind or to see if it's worth hyping to girlfriends. I want this game to do well because it seems like most of what I've ever wanted in my favorite kind of video games. So much so it's inspiring me to want to make a video game myself. Blindcoco is great and I am thrilled about this game so allow me to gush to you a bit on all the parts of this game that make it really exciting and special to me.

Queerness in focus

I highlight this first cuz it's what sold me and it's also something people who follow me care a lot about. The games Creator didn't flinch when I asked on the kickstarter about Sapphic rep and since then we've talked a lot on discord about the game in general so I have a wide but not complete idea of how big queerness is in GoN. 

The main character is a bi woman with 4 romance options 2 men 2 women and like most romance in this game the romances go beyond the start of relationships in their support conversations or an end card but actually have at least One conversation in a relationship.  For Nayeli Our main character it elevates the character she romanced even further, making them a must deploy and adding even more time for their romance to shine in the plot and not just in the supports.  

Of course a bi MC is amazing but it goes beyond this with many bisexual characters and a few Lesbains and Gay men too. The lesbians and Gay men aren't Heathered or Leoned and left to be forever alone and are allowed to thrive while being gay and also allowed to have friendships with people on top of romance. Same goes for most bi characters. These romances and friendships the characters have also provide some mechanical advantage from unlocking classes to weapons and more really making these relationships feel like they have weight instead of being some flavor that mostly doesn’t matter. 

The game even features 2 trans men and a trans woman in its cast. The developer has put a lot of work into making his game feel like a world that in some ways Is better than our own without just the hand waving touch of saying the world's accepting without ever showing queer people. 

I have to reserve final judgment for how the game handles queerness when I actually play the game and review it but at this phase of in depth conversation and being shown information I can say with confidence that we're at least seeing someone try and honestly that's a lot more than most SRPGs. It really seems like this could dwarf the next best offerings by a bit

A wildly fun roster of characters 

This roster is diverse but not just in skin tone but in the fantastical ways too. You can find Snake girls, Harpies, Demons, Squirrel Girls, wolf girls, shark boys, and even a chicken among your party. The roster really ranges with ethnicity, cultures, personalities and even species. 

I do think it’s most important to talk about the diversity that matters most and is here in the real world and that is this game's dedication to trying to literally make own voices, hiring voice actors and doing it’s best to get people from similar backgrounds to play characters. The cast has a really wide range of real world cultures that are being pulled from and used as inspiration in the fantasy world and to that end there is a level of making sure the people from these cultures are getting some money in the process even if it is the smaller funds an indie game budget can afford to give. 

WIth a roster of over 30 characters there is likely a character who you relate to, who you might feel some kind of kinship with or want to look like especially when you throw promotions and the like in the mix. You want a showy performer she's here, want a smooth dancer you got it, want a fierce warrior they got plenty. 

I think the “monster” people add a lot to the game in concept too where in so many games you will just murder harpies or snakes or demons because the game simply says their evil or animals this game provides a challenge to this existing framework with even early party subverting standard tropes by giving you access to a dark elf Keri who is not just a big deal but a main love interest for the main character. This can really challenge the fantasy racism that so casually shows up in so many games and get you to think of every enemy human or not as another soldier in this conflict, not something evil that must be rooted out. 

Amazing Artwork

The game has stunning sprites and a true depth of art put into it. Every character has multiple promoted classes each of which has its own sprite and it's own art work meaning In and out of battle you'll see the advancement of the character. The creator of the game is the artist who is drawing all the core art for characters and has put a lot of work into the roster including revamping most of the art he had previously done to make the promoted art work for all the story scenes with expressions and everything. There is a lot of love and care into all the sprites and a lot of intentionality into making sure the art and sprites feel like the same character. 

The art goes beyond the visual too with way more voice work then one would expect from an indie game with this kind of budget including special lines for when characters who are important to each other interact in particular ways, several lines for hitting critical hits, even lines for abilities they can rarely access. While the game sadly didn’t reach the stretch goal for full voice acting it’s clear that the voice acting they could afford was all put to great use with a ton of wonderful little bits of flavor brought to life by amazing voice talent. 

If your as dorky as me hearing a game was made in SRPG Studio might automatically give you a mental image of how the UI elements will look and everything but the art direction in this game extends beyond all the elements previously mentioned and into the UI design with constant tweaks and changes to make sure the game feels like Gales Of Nayeli and not SRPG Studios presents another indie SRPG. Not that there's anything wrong with that but it gives GoN a very nice feel even just in the basic parts of presentation going that extra inch to not just feel like a copy and paste job. 

So many ways to play

The game offers a lot of modes and ways to modify gameplay. It knows a lot of what those deep into SRPGs already like to do but Also has features for people who want to go wild like a mode that makes your leveling utterly ridiculously strong. Beyond the amount of shifts with difficulty modes you have this huge roster with so many different classes  including the monsters and such mentioned earlier but also a wide range of classes performed by more standard humans too allowing for every kind of play style. Then if that wasn't enough there are ways with items both equipment and enchantment Items to further shape your roster for you. 

Every character has multiple classes they can promote to baring the games select characters who area already in a promoted class with each character's class list being uniquely made for them. This means even if  you want to play with the same characters you have at least 2 different ways to play the characters with the cap being 5 different classes for Nayeli and some characters having 3. Even the chicken gets to have multiple promoted class options.

The game has ways for you to see RNs, it has ways to play where you never gain stats and where you always gain stats, it can even turn on a fan of SRPG favorite the weapon triangle where weapons function similarly to Fire Emblem games where particular weapons have advantage over others. 

The game is also designed for replay with lots of secrets in the games from items to recruitable characters to secret chapters to the previously announced benefits that are unlocked with relationships. You can enjoy multiple playthroughs mixing up party members, relationships, items, classes, and builds to play.  It's even got you covered if you don't want to replay but want a little more after the story with post game maps for just enjoying your party and taking on challenges if your not ready to say bye to the characters yet.

[spnyouresostupid]

In this essay I will...

Surprise this time there actually is an essay lol

In ‘It’s a Terrible Life’ Dean Smith (Dean Winchester with no memory of hunting) is queer coded. We see him drinking oat milk in a latte he made with the espresso machine he owns. He has a very definite sense of style, and due to a line of dialogue is revealed to be a fan of Project Runway. He cares about how he looks and is self-conscious enough about his desk job making him put on weight that he is shown be on a very specific diet for the duration of the episode. 

I know what you’re going to say (especially those of you born after 2000); you’re just stereotyping him, men are allowed to like all of these things, and you would be right...but we’re talking about film making and visual short hand and with that comes a lot of history.

Queer coding vs. Queer baiting

Queer coding became necessary in the Hayes Code era, writers and directors wanted to include LGBTQ+ but it was literally forbidden. So queer coding came to be, where the film makers wouldn’t be censored as long as it wasn’t explicit text or too obvious in subtext(or if they were a villain but queer coded villains are an essay for another time).

Ultimately queer coding in those days was actually positive and subversive to the puritanical rules of the golden age of movies. So they were trying to make the queer characters as identifiable as possible without being overt, and it would make sense to either focus on or exaggerate more obvious queer traits. The short hand over time became - queer man acts “fruity” or feminine and queer women act butch or masculine. (I’m going to focus on queer men for relevancy)

Visual short hand is necessary for effective film making, and by the 70′s these ideas were deeply ingrained in the industry even though the Hayes Code was abolished. It was expected that audience would know that femme or ‘girly’ men meant gay; and they did. These stereotypes have been challenged in recent years (most of the progress has been made in the last 10 years, if I’m honest).

This is where queerbaiting comes into play. Queerbaiting is not the same thing as coding. Coding was subversive and rebellious in the face of those who wanted to control and censor film makers. Baiting is putting the coding into a character in a time when there’s no reason not to make the character explicitly queer. Whereas coding was made to include queer people in spaces they were being pushed out of, baiting is purposely excluding queer people because the film/tv makers are more afraid of the possibility of losing money than to make their work more inclusive.

Queer coding and visual short hand of queer people are essential to understanding why a viewer might declare a character queer even if it’s never explicitly stated and understanding how queerbaiting is detrimental by denying the audience the truth of what the coding promises.

Now that we’re all on the same page I will say again; Dean Smith is Coded gay/bi.

Yes all the examples as to why this would be true are stereotypes, but  those stereotypes were still the visual short hand standard at the time this was filmed. So Dean Smith has been coded as queer by an industry that very much understands everything I just went over...but he is never explicitly stated as queer which creates a queerbaiting situation. That’s nothing new to Supernatural but it does raise an interesting question:

Why code Dean Smith as gay/bi at all? 

They don’t do the same with Sam, he seems to be just as hetero as he is for the rest of the show. This question becomes even more intriguing and baiting when Zack tells Dean(when he’s back to normal) that all he did was remove Sam and Dean’s memories and plunked them in this office building with vague backstories. So...

What is the point of coding Dean Smith as gay/bi? 

Given the precedent set by the rest of this show it was surly not to defy stereotypes- this show loves troupes and stereotypes. I can only conclude that the writers thought it would be funny because light homophobia was very accepted in 2009 but....

Inadvertently what the writers/director(possibly Jensen) have done, is imply that there is some part of Dean Winchester that IS queer. That whatever same sex attraction that Dean has, was repressed by his neglectful drill sergeant father. Without that, and raised by (the far superior) Bobby and Ellen and free from hunting, this Dean is allowed to be queer. He’s allowed to be ‘softer’ and show interest in things that might be seen as feminine. 

This episode begs me to see Dean Smith as gay/bi and then expects me to believe that there is no queerness in Dean Winchester even though they’re both the same person. That is a suspension of disbelief that even a show about ghosts and monsters can not ask the audience to swallow. It’s just too much.

TLDR; Dean Smith was queer coded as a joke, but by the rules in universe it means that Dean Winchester is also queer 🙃