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yourmomxx · 1 year ago

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꧁𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐈꧂ 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌

warnings: none

word count: 2.4k

The first time Oliver Otto met Cooper Bradford was on a Monday. It was the time when the rich people in Westport made their gardeners rake up all the dead leaves in their yards, and pile them up to huge stacks, and when the school started announcing the annual Winter Ball to everyone that wasn't interested to go.

Oliver Otto first met Cooper Bradford on a Monday. But today was not that day.

Today was the Friday before, a sunny day, and Katie Otto was spending it in her children's principal's office, involuntarily.

Though, she had to admit, Princibal Ablin's monologue that had occupied about half an hour of her time already, with only occasional nods, and "Yes"s and "I agree"s thrown into it from her side, had been a perfect opportunity to think about her shopping list in peace.

Maybe, if she was already here, she could pick up the most important stuff on the way back home? Well, Greg had eaten all the peanut flips, and Taylor wanted some kale for a new recipe she wanted to try out. Alright, scratch the kale, there was no way Taylor was getting anywhere near kitchen gadgets soon.

"Mrs Otto? Are you even listening to me?"

"Huh?" Perfect response, Katie. Really inobvious. She saved herself with a bright smile. "Of course I am, Principal Ablin. And I absolutely agree with you."

Ablin tilted his head. "So, you agree that you need to have a serious discussion with your kids about team spirit? We cannot have all of the Otto children plot against each other every day of school."

Oooh, that's what he had been talking about? "Ahahaha," Katie laughed dryly. Acting was definitely her strong suit.

"Absolutely I do. But I also have to tell you that my kids totally do not behave this way when they are at home."

They totally were.

"So, maybe," she gestured, "Maybe they are acting like that because the school provides a bad environment for them?"

Strong save.

Principal Ablin pursed his lips. "I can assure you that our teacher staff, and me, of course, are doing everything to be the best rolemodels for the kids there are, and to make them feel welcome and appreciated at all times."

Well, tell that to all the kids that dropped out because of bullying.

Katie gathered her purse and stood up.

"Well, thank you, Principal Ablin, for that very elaborate conversation that we just had. I will definitely talk to my kids, but I can assure you, they are just fine."

"Get off me, you gremlin!" "You get off me first, you toy-murderer!"

When Katie opened the door to step out of Principal Ablin's office, she was feeling incredibly tempted to throw it shut again. But that was like choosing between the door of hungry hyenas and the one where lava was slowly rising in the room. Both promised death, either way.

So she just sort of froze in the threshold between Principal Ablin's office and the school hallway, watching at least two of her children wrangling each other on the floor.

"Shouldn't you .. do something? They are your children, after all. And they are "just fine"." Principal Ablin, who had suddenly appeared next to her, set airquotes around the last two words.

She probably should. After all, he was right: that gremlin and toy-murderer throwing hands with each other over there were her seed.

Or, maybe, she should drag Principal Ablin back into his office and throw him out the window, after all.

Eh, that plan had been flawed from the first time she came up with it forty-three minutes ago.

She gave it one second. And then another. Katie sighed and stomped over to her fighting children.

"Hey! What is going on here?"

Forcefully, she grabbed the first of her children she could reach under their arms, and ended up dragging a kicking and screeching Anna-Kat away from her older brother.

"No! You, sit," Katie commanded, and planted her youngest firmly on her ass on the ground. Anna-Kat crossed her arms and pouted angrily. Katie turned to Oliver.

"What is going on?" She asked, throwing her hands in the air. "Ask her!" Oliver yelled, clutching a hand to his arm, "She just randomly attacked me!"

"You murdered my pony!"

"What are you even talking about!"

"Oliver, quiet!" Katie commanded. "Anna-Kat, what happened?"

Arms still crossed, Anna-Kat answered, "He slammed his locker door on one of my ponies' heads!"

"Oliver, is that true?"

Oliver's eyes widened. "Are you kidding me, how was I even supposed to know that it was there? It's not my fault she still needs those things because she has no friends! Then she went all crazy on me!"

"Aaaaaah!" With a yell, Anna-Kat burst forward and jumped at Oliver. The older boy screeched, and together they tumbled down to the floor and started wrestling for the upper hand. Or, you know, something like that.

"Alright, that's it!" Katie leaned down and, without a second thought, grabbed each of her children with one hand by the ear.

Now she was holding them up like trophies. Power move.

"Mom, what are you doing? You're embarrassing me!" Oliver whined.

Katie pouted in faked empathy. "Well, you should have thought about that before hitting on your sister. That came out wrong, scratch it."

"I think we are both very clear on the fact that Anna-Kat and Oliver are being suspended for this kind of behavior." Ablin stated.

"Oh, believe me, Principal Ablin, I would've taken those two home with me either way."

With an elaborate tug on their ears, Katie started walking down the hallways, her two children involuntarily following.

She didn't drag them by their ears all the way, though. She wasn't the best mother, but she wasn't downright abusive, either. Also, no one could have borne to hear these two complain the entire way to the school gate anyway.

"I don't even understand what is going on between the two of you lately." Just in front of the car, she came to a halt and faced her children. "I mean, I'm used to Oiver and Taylor going at it, or even Taylor and Anna-Kat, but you two? Come on, you're the smart ones in the family! You were supposed to take the other's side, not rip them to pieces!"

Katie sighed and shook her car keys out of her pocket.

While she rounded the minivan, Oliver made his way to his side of the backseat, and pulled on the door handle. When it didn't open, he frowned.

"Mom, you didn't unlock the back of the car."

"Hm?" Katie raised her eyebrows. "Oh, that's my bad. Did I forget to tell you? The two of you are walking home today."

"What?!" "Mama!"

Oliver threw his arms up and Anna-Kat stomped her foot on the ground in protest.

"That's not fair!"

"Oh, I think very well it is." Katie told him. "The two of you are going to spend some time together, where you don't have any other choice than to get along. At home, you can flee into your room, and at school you can escape into class, but not here."

She pulled the car door open.

"Oliver, you're going to watch Anna-Kat, so she doesn't get run over by a car. I trust you. Have fun!" Smiling, she sat in the driver's seat, and, with a loud growl that could've been either the engine of the car, or the sound of Oliver's spirit being crushed, drove away.

Sighing, he turned to his sister.

"She has officially gone insane," Anna-Kat said.

At least that was one thing they could both agree on.

Walking home with Anna-Kat proved to be just how Oliver had predicted it to: awkward, silent, and, most of all, full of angry glances at each other and the occasional, "accidental" shove.

It was a true fraternity from out of a book.

About one third in, Oliver took off his backpack and began to rummage around in it. Anna-Kat eyed him from the side as he pulled out an old camera.

"What is that?" She asked.

Oliver slung the strap around his neck. "A candlestick." He answered dryly.

Anna-Kat rolled her eyes. "Very funny, I know that it's a camera. I just wanted to know what you were doing with it."

"Well then, ask that." Oliver raised the viewfinder to his eyes after putting the cap back in his backpack.

"Just answer my question, dummy!"

"Hey, don't call me that!"

"Don't act like it!" She stuck out her tongue at him.

Oliver stuck his tongue out at her back.

"My research told me that Harvard doesn't only value integrity and business knowledge, but also creativity and perceptiveness." He raised the camera again to take a trial photo.

"And what better way to show them that I am all of those things than snapping some amazing photographs?"

Anna-Kat frowned. "But ... you're not perceptive, or very creative," she said. "I've seen your art projects. The weird kids in my grade can do better than that. You know, the ones that put toothpaste on their no-no parts."

Oliver gave her a tight-lipped, big smile. Anna-Kat's eyes widened.

That was it.

"Evil smile," she breathed out. Mama had always talked about it, but seeing it... "It reminds me of the bad guy in my movies when they turn around in a big chair, stroking a cat. Very evilly."

Oliver tilted his head. "Thanks. I've actually been kind of working towards that."

He snapped a photo when they passed a blooming dahlia. Anna-Kat looked around in awe.

"I didn't know our way home went through the rich part of Westport," she said. Oliver looked up from his camera display.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. That's probably the part where Mom would start talking about something that only interests you, but she thinks catches all of our attention, so we don't look out the windows too much."

Another picture of a crow on a street lantern.

"I never get distracted, though. I like watching this. Reminds me of what I want to achieve in my life."

Anna-Kat turned to look at her older brother. Oliver was slightly bending down to capture a nicer shot of a cream-colored house.

She took in the surrounding area of grand mansions with imposing structures, iron gates, and juicy green lawns. The beauty of it all did a favor of reminding her just how much she and her family contrasted from all that wealth.

Maybe they did not fit in as well as they had thought, after all.

The continuous click of the camera was the only sound that Oliver took notice of for the next few moments. He circled his lens around the landscape, continuously looking for another image to shoot.

His hands stopped dead in their movement, when he caught a figure on the top of a hill.

He noticed the property as a part of another residence, probably their perception of a front lawn.

As far as the camera could manage, he did his best to zoom in on the other person sitting on a bench in the grass. The young boy was hunched over, seeming lost in something in his lap. The sunlight was shining down at him and lighting up the image of his hair, a mix of strawberry red and blond.

Oliver breathed out to steady his hand. Then he pressed down on the shutter. The image of the boy, sitting on the bench, sunlight framing his silhouette like a golden aura, now forever captured in his hands.

Oliver grinned down at the display. Maybe he did have some sort of perception.

"Can we leave now?" Anna-Kat whined, and ripped him out of his hypnotizing contemplation. Oliver suppressed a groan.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming. Hold your horses." He hid his self-satisfied grin at the pun behind a duck of his head, as he put the camera back in his bag.

They fell into an evenly step as they continued their walk home.

"Mom, my lunch money! " "Mom, did you already wash my new shirt? I wanted to wear it to school today." "Mama, I can't find my second shoe!"

"Don't you just love afterweekend mornings?" Katie sighed at Greg, one hand perched at her hip, watching chaos unfold on the lower floor of her house. "Kids, let's go!"

Just like any other morning, but maybe a bit more hectic, the Otto family's minivan raced over the streets of Westport. Taylor giggled when a raging gardener cursed at Katie's driving that had stirred up his pile of dead leaves. Oliver took one last look at his chemistry test substance.

"Alright, we're here," His mother announced when they reached the sidewalk. "Now, get out, before you're late to class." Oliver was just about to slam the door, when Katie leaned out of the window and threw a closer look at a banner being stretched over the entrance gate. "Oh, a Winter Formal dance?" She turned to Oliver. "Wouldn't that be fun?"

"Only seniors are invited. Sorry, Mom. Bye, love you!" Oliver hurried up the steps into the school. Rushing to his locker, he almost bumped into Steve Treshor.

"Watch it," the senior scolded, and Oliver only rolled his eyes when the older man was way behind him. Blindly turning the numbercode into the lock, his eyes raced over his chemistry notes. Maybe he should've really studied more for that test. After he gathered his necessary textbooks for first period, Oliver threw the locker closed again, desperately fumbling for his notes buried somewhere under all of his books. He felt something slipping from his arm, but didn't pay it mind, kept walking anyways. That was, until he heard a voice shout from behind him.

"Hey, amigo! I think you dropped something."

Oliver froze.

When he slowly turned around, like a man being held at gunpoint, brown eyes wide, a boy was standing before him, probably around his age, but much taller, so that Oliver had to look up at him, with red-blond locks and a knitted crewneck sweater. But the expensive kind.

Oliver swallowed. He knew that boy. He had printed out a photograph of him just two days prior. He was the golden boy on the bench.

Oliver Otto met Cooper Bradford for the first time on a Monday. When gardeners started raking leaves, and Principal Ablin went around throwing flyers for the Winter Formal Dance like they were freshly baked bread rolls.

Olliver Otto met Cooper Bradford on a Monday. Today was that day.

Money is the anthem of success So before we go out, what's your address? [...] Money is the reason we exist Everybody knows it, it's a fact (kiss, kiss)

-National Anthem, Lana Del Rey

#Spotify #cooliver #cooper bradford #american housewife #oliver otto #cooper x oliver #ao3 #mlm #yourmomxx #snow on the beach #lana del rey #national anthem #oliver x cooper

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azz4me · 1 year ago

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K.I.M J.O.O.N.G.O.O

I love him. No new news. But I fucking love him. I love that adorable little fluffy haired bastard more than words can explain, more than I can talk, more than my entire life. I use pictures because I can't find the corecct words to use most of the time and expressions are the only thing i could show. OK.

Starting from his first appearance

I CAN'T- I-😭😭😭😭😭😭😭twink I don't remember what I exactly thought of him when I first saw this, probs some lanky guy gonna solo some side bitches and save vasco buttt

this pannel

I fucking loved vasco, ok? I loved little vasco and his backstory I am a fucking sucker for gap moes BUT THEN! GOO CAME WITH THIS GOOFY ASS LINE AND I WAS SOLD. SOLD MF. Srs who wouldn't, look at that goofy ass smile, with goofy ass eyebrows, with goofy ass glasses, with goofy ass hair and then that twink ass bod. But this face fr be the I pull when I am with little kids.

I am honestly crying and dying looking at this😭😭😭😭Look at him pull some karate kid move and he is so kjgwbdvk happy and smug😭? HIS HAIR!! HIS HAIRRR💀💀IT'S FUKING GLOWING AT THE BACK LIKE BITCH HE IS MFING GLOWING anddddddd he looks so little here ahkjsgvsgvc

this. I love this. Pookie showed up for the first time and already cracked some eggs. Who wouldn't love him???? First impressions are important. And Kim Joongoo slayed it🦅🦅👄

and this is one of my fav pannels of Goo.If you understand you understand, if you don't then try harder to understand. Because LOOK at that hand, that pose? that smile? like????😭? GAWDDDDDD I WANT TO SQUEEZE HIM SO BAD AND SHAKE HIM LIKLE A MILKSHAKE👹👹👹

currently break dancing to "She's crazy but she's mine'', thanks to hamburger

ANYWAYS i still don't know if I should lable this nightmare or best dream of my life if I saw this on my dream

he still cute tho<3333 but I wouldn't dare go near him, jut a little pat on the head wouldn't hurt tho ;P

that chair was actually me ya'all, he was throwing me😋😋

proof👆

but srs I love this pannel so myuch like he is throwing chair while saying carrying knife is cheap??? mhm Such a cutie pattootie💗💗💗skhdikvckvbsh simply truly adorable you know muy baby😭😭

yes love break all his fingers, break his skull too, break him💓💓💓 how dare that thing touch you. nothing much for me to add here. Slay.

if any one of you dares to say he looks weird. I will come for your throt even tho you are correct but you will be deemed wrong because I said so. ok? lets just all agree he is stuill cute here '3'

And this. Good loard. If this didn't make you stan goo then I don't know hat else will. He looks so chill and goofy eheheheh I love him so much ❤❤ Look at him just munching on snacks while he gets 'accused' my lil meow moew <33333

You might be thinking to just not talk about this, letting it pass as PTJ's old artstyle but NO. He is Kim Joongoo and we love kim Joongoo in amy form of matter or shape. NO KIM JOONGOO PANEL SHALL GO UNLOVED UNDER MY WATCH. Comeon he looks like he might bite but I swear he doesn't. He is just a little silly that's all🥰🥰

coming on to his second appearance

OUR FASHION KING, OUR MESSIAH, OUR BABYBOY, OUR BABY ❤❤❤��👄💟💟💟❣❣❣💞💞💞💞💞 he was born to slay, if you don't agree go argue with a wall. That long coat >.< i have never seena man wear that long coat and when I searched it, it specifically showed just for women only, baby boy is rocking with that striped socks💞💞💞

understandable I love deadpool and spiderman too<333333

That little heart could end me in less than a second. So if he did talk like how deadpool talks playfully...I am a dead man. I could not be under the influence and still think I would survive a nuclear bomb dropped right above me but this? THIS?? Neh eh I could never survive if I hear him talk like that. I would be a dead piece of meat INSTANT. Gone like the dinosaurs in an instant.

AHHHH PLEASE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AHHHHHHRFEBETNRYJN😭😭😭😭😭😭 PLEASEEEEE GODDDDDDD

i miss these type of lips not that I am saying the ones we get now are bad but these are just a whole different typr of beasts compared to now. Look at his lips, i want ti pinch it and then apply lip balm to it the wipe it off and apply lipstick on it. Look at them It's so glossy and juicy like for who did he get his lips so plump for WHORE🤨🤨??

silly goo doing silly stuff<3333

sksksksksk I love how his hair looks here. Reminds me of Donald Trump's hair or is it wig idk but I love how Goo looks here

ew.

seeing this bitch made my mood sour. I will continue the ramble later.

#part 1 #lookism #kim joongoo #fuck that hoe

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cleverthylacine · 7 months ago

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Netflix's bastardisation of Three-Body

Oh yeah. I haven't said anything about this. Probably because I've been screaming at people on reddit about it for weeks.

Extensive spoilers below of why you don't want to watch this show if you like the books and should watch the C-drama by Tencent Pictures instead. If you like both you can have fun screaming at this show except that after about 4 episodes even that stops being fun.

The first problem with this show is that they decided to set it in mostly England instead of mostly China, and then cleverly made most of the main characters nonwhite as well as non-Chinese, so that they could point at that as evidence that they're not racist for turning a book set in China with mostly Chinese characters into a show set in England with mostly characters who grew up in the global west (even Cheng Jin/Xin has been raised in New Zealand).

The second problem with this show is that they're adapting a trilogy of 500+ page books and they shoved the first book into 5 episodes and the first part of the second book into 3 episodes. A lot of important and interesting material got cut.

The third problem with this show is that the main character of the novel and the C-Drama is Wang Miao, who is a very sensitive, nonjudgemental and caring male character, the kind of male MC we rarely get. He's also a good husband and father and he's adorable with his daughter. Wang Miao is able to make many connections between people and information because he is able to listen to people, even when he knows they're dangerous, with empathy and refrain from judging them at least until they've finished telling him the stuff that he actually wanted and needed to know.

The character they replaced him with is argumentative, judgemental, and angry. Auggie frequently storms out of conversations with key people in the story in high moral dudgeon without having learned a thing.

Cleverly, they made her female, so that anyone who dares criticise her for being generally terrible is hit with accusations of Skylar White syndrome and being unable to handle angry WOC.

The fourth problem is that they changed the relationship between Mike Evans and Ye Wenjie and in so doing obliterated the internal conflict within the Earth-Trisolaran organisation.

Ye Wenjie is significantly older than Mike Evans and serves as a mentor and sympathetic ear to him while he's in China. She already has had her daughter by her late husband.

in the English show she's his lover and it's gross. I am not even someone who generally objects to age gaps in fiction or even reality as long as everyone's an adult, but this is gross. For one thing, Evans is obviously mentally ill and vulnerable. He becomes the father of her daughter. They then obliterate the faction war that started between Wenjie and Evans. This is important and awful because Wenjie's faction wants aliens to come to Earth and save us from our own idiocy. Evans' faction is anti-human and wants the aliens to come to Earth and save the planet from humans. (Why he thinks they will preserve the animals he values more than people, I don't know. These aliens are fucking ruthless.)

The result of this is that they portray the secretive and malevolent eco-terrorist Evans as a cute elderly space-obsessed grandpa surrounded by little kids that his antinatalist ass would have never supported his followers having (and that anyone who followed him would never have.)

The upshot of this is that we get to see dead children's severed limbs after Our Heroes retrieve crucial information. And we don't know that it is crucial information because they have Wenjie in custody and it is therefore not clear that Evans has been talking to the aliens, they no longer talk to Wenjie, and what they're trying to take is the records of all the conversations Evans had with the aliens, which could maybe be important if you wanted to know in advance how bad the aliens are and what they are planning to do.

I don't want to see murdered children. There is enough of that on the news, thanks. It's an emotionally manipulative choice on the part of the writers. It does make Auggie's worst temper tantrum understandable, but if they had made her the kind of character Wang Miao was, that wouldn't have been necessary. Wang Miao did object to all the adults-only carnage, but he also was able to understand that there were plot-related reasons all those grown-ass ecoterrorist assholes had to die.

So now everyone who thinks Auggie is a rotten replacement for Wang Miao is not only a misogynist but pro-murdered children. And the neckbeards who actually haven't studied cults are all like "of course they put kids on the boat! a cult should have kids!" because they're not aware that there are cults other than the FLDS and the Branch Davidians. Aside from the ecoterrorism aspect, the recent cult that Evans' group is most like is Heaven's Gate, who were so anti-sex and anti-breeding that some of them castrated themselves.

They also added a white male character who was rich. Sadly, he was hilarious and entertaining in a very Seth Rogan/James Franco kinda way, so of course he was one of the first main characters to die.

The usual suspects are claiming that the adaptation was fucked up by "wokeness". I don't believe that, but I do wonder exactly why the extreme environmentalist/animal rights/super vegan/anti-natalist/anti-human bad guys were written out of the story.

Because climate change is important and the environment is important and we really have to fix it. We really do. We have to save our planet, we're the people who live here!

But all good movements have their dangerous fringe people, and people who would do what Mike Evans did in the books exist. For instance, there were animal liberationists who let prion infected squirrels loose 20 years ago and suddenly now in Appalachia, where poor people hunt squirrel, we have an epidemic of prion-related dementia.

(And those of you who read me regularly and know that I've worked in medical research schools most of my life know that I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate these kinds of "environmentalists" so yeah I'm a little bit mad that I didn't get to see Evans die horribly lmao.)

In other words: this show is so bad that it actually makes me contemplate right-wing Hollywood conspiracy theories for a hot second before dismissing them.

They also added a lot more explosions and a lot more interpersonal drama, because that's what Americans like. Yeah fuck you Netflix.

#three-body #three-body problem #don't read if you like the netflix show though #I'm not trying to start fights just vent #and I hated it

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system-of-a-feather · 5 months ago

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(PUBLISHING OLD DRAFTS THAT ARE GOOD / INTERESTING; This was written in October 2023)

(TRIGGER WARNING: Discusses topics of trauma, psychological abuse, grooming and possibly some level of programming <- not sure if it counts but putting it in the TW just in case)

I don't know what the system's standards for this topic on this blog is so I will just directly say this is shit regarding our oldest sister who our therapist has acknowledged sounds uncomfortably like a "handler" which I agree with

But when talking to Riku and other parts about her behavior and her relationship with us, a lot of them get stuck in the fact that her actions and ways of "raising us" set the foundation for a lot of our strengths and things that made it possible to survive what we did

And thats very fair, that is very true. I absolutely agree and as a part that learned a lot about survival from her and uses modified versions of what she did to support, shape, and empower the system - I totally get it and its true. She did give us our fangs that saved our ass and our claws that let us climb our way up. It really is questionable as to whether we would have survived and got here if she didnt do what she did - hell I can say for a fact we wouldnt be where we are today if not for her because you know what?

All that trauma she gave us, all the predators she handed us to, all the fucked up shit we went through and over came are all important losses and victories that built us into the beast we are today. I am thankful in that sense for our experiences - good and bad - cause I, much like the rest of the system, love who we are today and I have no "what ifs" that I bother thinking about cause as far as I care, this is a stellar me to be.

With that said, even if she is partially creditted for making us into the Kings we are, even if she might have saved us over all, she's still the person who put us on a platter for predators and left us to learn or die. She is still the person that hijacked our already vulnerable, shit and garbage life and used us for her own entertainment, coping, security and curiousity. She's still the one that raised me like an attack dog enough so that I am deeply lycanthropic in mentality and cant escape it. She's still the one that took a severely and overtly mentally ill kid and realized it was fascinating and funny to see what weird things she could get us to believe, do, and control.

Of course most of us are prone to going "we totally agree and believe we are right in cutting her off and calling her our most insidious and probably worst abuser, but was she REALLY that bad? She did save us by giving us the knowledge that let us survive"

She was the only person who offered us anything. She was the only ally, that is true. But one can both be your only ally and still be the person that kills you.

Judas, Brutus, hell the statistic states the people closest to you are the most likely people to murder you.

Handlers gain your trust. Handlers give you safety you never had. Handlers give you care you need. Yes that aid may be what kept you alive for a bit longer, but there was never a promise of you living to pay the 'catches' of that and the hell and danger they put you through does not diminish by the fact they saved you once

One kind act does not outweigh years, hell a life of objectification, commoditization, and ownership.

If someone saves your life, you don't owe them 10 lives of loyalty, especially not when they risk your life several times.

#trauma talk #grooming #grooming tw #programming tw #<- for safety #vent #vent tw #old drafts #published drafts #unpublished drafts #alter: XIV

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lennjamin-o7 · 2 years ago

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Techno: "Huh, I couldve sworn I saw movement inside the palanquin" Phil, inside said palanquin: writing little notes on everything someone does that he doesnt like in his diary kicking his feet like a schoolgirl Phil: "Revenge and a sonboy?? What else could a man want! Truly I have the most perfect wife <3"

All the other notes in his diary are just P+ K in a big heart. On literally every page.

Schlatt: Doing his damndest to make a good impression on Techno Techno: "Kinda weird dude but he seems ok" Schlatt internally: If I dont become besties with this fucking kid by the end of the day I'm gonna lose my job; I am SO fucking behind on my magic taxes!

Schlatt: trying to bond a bit with the new sonboy of the fae realm Mielle: Ah yes, this is all about ME Schlatt: "Bro I'm trying to build business connection here! Leave me alone so I can SCHMOOZE!!"

Schlatt: "I don't think your pops would like me giving you food, he'd probably kill me about it actually" Techno: "the king can kill fae?? He never mentioned that before! That wouldve saved us this whole trip" Schlatt: "Oh they're going down the 'surprise adoption' route huh. Don't worry about it then princeling!"

Schlatt: "Wait you genuinely don't know who the fae you made that deal with actually is??" The royals: "Nope? Why would that be important??" Schlatt: "You know what? Not my business. I'm just here to do the bare minimum and network with the newest sonboy of the realm. Not educate dumbass humans."

Schlatt looking at the palanquin: "What kind of ASSHOLE would leave their sonboy alone all sad? God that's such a DICK MOVE isn't it little princeling?? Wouldn't wanna get adopted by that guy!" Phil, scowling from inside: This feels a bit personal

Phil: makes magic plant to shade his sonboy from the sun and heat Felix: leans closer to techno so he can have some shade too Phil: thin ice but I guess its ok Mielle: steals techno's seat and makes him sit in the shit area she was sitting in Phil: absolutely fucking not. eat shit and die.

Mielle: openly talks shit about who's about to be the prince of all fae Fundy who just wanted to see the sonboy: Bro i gotta fucking haul ass if I wanna live to see another day Puffy who needed to vibe check Mielle: The vibes? Rancid. I hope you have an AWFUL day. Matter of fact? I HOPE the queen kicks your ass. You deserve it.

Phil: They hurt our sonboys feelings! They made him so sad!! Kristin: aww poor baby :( I'm gonna rip them to fucking shreds <3

Queen Chesil: where the fuck has my son gone he ran off but now we cant find him holy shit this is bad Phil: Just turned my new son into a fae!! Might fuck around and get some more revenge later <33

Techno: "I wanna go back to my old family! I love them all!!" Kristin: "Oh yeah? Name one good thing about Mielle. Quickly." Techno: Techno: Techno: "That was so unfair and you know it" Kristin: "You'll get over it. Now how about some cookies? You're far too skinny!"

The royals: "thank god the queen was willing to hear about our deal. Now we dont have to worry about that fae yoinking our second child!" Phil, pulling the old switcharoo: yoinks their third child The royals: surprised pikachu face

The royals when court is back in session: "Where the fuck is our youngest prince what did you do" Kristin: "Yeah about that… you lost the custody battle on that one and since he's technically not inside your deal you cant do anything about it" :) The royals: "Surely there's some way we can bargain him back?? This isn't fair at all!" Kristin: "Ohh well the thing with that is we've kinda sorta already adopted him and turned him into a fae? Yeahh maybe you shoulve been a bit more attentive if you didnt want the boy to get snatched! We got his name fair and square too. No wiggle room at all on your end!! The royals: "Thats literally so unfair??" Kistin:"Have you maybe considered the fact that I literally dont care?? We're kinda fucking famous of stealing kids. Now shoo so I can have more sonboy time!"

Phil would do something like that. If anyone asks, he would call it a travel journal, but its just filled with vendettas and mushy doodles of Kristin. Little hardcore hearts drawn throughout.

Magic taxes asdfghjkll Yeah he would be. Fuck the magic IRS, he's from Magic New York.

Schlatt is there to do his job and insult mortals, and he's already done his job. And that insult thrown at Philza was INCREDIBLY directed. Phil was scowling the entire time. Very unhappy. Stay away from his new son.

Oh yeah, Phil didn't LIKE Felix trying to share the shade, but it was fine. Techno looked thrilled with his brother curled next to him. Can't be too mad.

Not eat shit and die, SMELL shit and die. Stinky plant for stinky children. Send a nice breeze so Techno doesn't have to smell it.

Fundy was not about to get merked because a bratty girl decided to try and one-up the kid literally wearing Philza's jewelry. He had a life to live.

All of your impressions are KILLING ME. Every single one of them. I am dead. Sorry guys, can't update the last chapter because this ask killed me via my funny bone /j.

There is a no refund policy in Kristin's court. Finders keepers. :P

#ask and ye shall receive #sweeter than honey #lenn writes #anonymous

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primevein · 2 years ago

Text

The Prime of His Youth: Prime of His Youth: Book I: Forging His Own Path: Ch10: Cinncinatus

Jack and Arcee walked into the open garage doors. "Now that we've had our fun, we need to get back to work." Jack simply stated.

"I wasn't complaining about the work." Arcee stated, "But..."

"But?" Jack asked, "You were complaining about the fun?" he chided.

"I wish it could continue. Are you sure we're all right?"

Jack stopped, and turned towards her. Arcee stopped and nervously looked at him. "Of course we're alright. Just maybe don't go on any more recruiting drives."

"Wasn't planning on it. We'll have to see how she works, anyways."

"You got me a present. Maybe I'll have to get you one." Jack chided.

"Stockings?" Arcee asked, and Jack sighed.

"Where am I going to get stockings that can fit you?" Jack asked, "And can transform?"

"I thought we established that Knockout would be a good place to start."

"I'm honestly not sure if you're serious?" Jack asked.

"Kind of serious, but not enough to put work into it." Arcee replied, and he just glared at her. "Besides, whenever there's a Human woman on TV with stockings, you pay close attention."

"I... uh?.." Jack asked.

"You don't need to hide it, Jack." Arcee stated. "If anything it helped me figure out what you look for in a fembot."

"I, um?.." Jack asked.

"You like your fembots strong, independent, with a vulernable core." Arcee said with glee. "Can rip a seeker in half while wearing high heels and a skirt."

Jack paused for a moment as he thought over. "You know what? Yeah."

"But, we could get you an exosuit." Arcee stated, and he just simply looked at her, "It would mean a lot to me if you were ready to come to Cybertron. Or wherever."

"I can't argue with that." Jack said, but Arcee continued with her pitch.

"It would also keep you warm and cold. And be a helmet, so you can save the helmet up my ass for your mother."

"Do you have to?.."

"Yes." Arcee repliled, "I'm enjoying your swears. I'll become a down home country girl." She then bent down to look him close in the eyes, "But, you like the elegant femme fatale type." She stood back up, "Oh, that reminds me. You were telling me about that ancient dictator."

"Huh?" Jack asked.

"He went back to farming?" Arcee asked. "Sin something?"

"Cinncinatus." Jack stated. "How'd that come up?"

"Oh?" Arcee asked wih a smile, and then paused a moment, "Telling Sirenia what you are like."

Jack paused for a moment, "I'M! - CINNCINATUS?!"

"You had absolute power." Arcee stated.

"I what?"

"The key to Vector Sigma?" Arcee asked.

"It was..."

"The closest thing we had to a Prime." Arcee voiced, and paused, "First man on Cybertron. Face incredible obstacles, returned home, and stepped aside." A pregnant pause followed, "I thought of it when you talked about having a greenhouse."

Jack breathed in deeply, "Literal farming."

"You are the spark Cybertron needed in it's darkest hour."

"Is that why you fell for me?" Jack asked.

"Oh, don't kid yourself, I was already falling. That's just when I hit rock bottom." Arcee said with love. Jack's eyes opened wide, "What?" she asked.

"That's not what that means." Jack stated.

"What?" Arcee asked, "You fall in love, right?"

"Yeah, but Rock Bottom is the worst time of your life." Jack stated.

"Alright?" Arcee asked, "When you fall in love, what happens when you hit the ground?"

"I honestly don't know. I've never gotten this far, before." he chided.

"It's times like this that I can't help but thank Primus that you're my sparkmate."

"I'm the one who married a goddess." Jack stated.

"I'm the one who married a former Prime." Arcee said, and kneeled down. "You have no idea how important that is, do you?"

"It's more about not feeling worthy of it."

"Do you remember what Ratchet said about Orion Pax?" Arcee asked, and Jack developed a fearful look, "That he was a lot like you. But you wouldn't be you if you thought you were worthy of it." Arcee then stood back up. "And while we're on Cybertron, you need to see it. It's not as beautiful as I remember it."

Jack and Arcee looked over at where Sirenia landed. June stepped out. Sirenia waited for her to get a few feet away before reverting. She took a full pace, and then made for a second, when whe was at a risk of hitting June. She paused midstride walked much slower. A small price to pay for her Energon. June walked up to the garage, and paused, Sirenia still behind her. Jack walked up, and pointed to the ground, "Kneel." he firmly stated, and she quickly moved to comply, "How did the checkup go?"

"Did you want to know every issue, master?" she asked, and he flinched.

"Gives us a summary."

"Yes, well, most of the problems were because of... not enough Energon..."

"And a lack of maintenance." June added. "Most of it has been solved, but she'll need to oil herself a couple times a day."

"Then make sure you never run low on Energon." Jack said to her, and she gave him a completely lost look. "What?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, but I can just... take... Energon?" she asked.

Jack breathed in deeply, and turned to his mother, "Sorry, mom." he said, and turned back to Sirenia, "Bullshit." She just stared at him, looking completely lost, "If we start using too much, I'll say something, but Arcee's using less in a week than a single day of combat."

"I wouldn't feel... comfortable... just taking Energon." Sirenia asked, and Jack just gave her a questioning look. "I would not want to be accused of stealing."

A pregnant pause followed before Arcee spoke up, "Just watch her when she fills up. That way you know how much she's taking. That work for you?" she asked Sirenia, whom nodded.

"And we'll work on this master, thing." Jack said to Sirenia.

"How about Mister?" June asked, "Mister Darby." Her eyes got moist and she turned away.

"That's better than master." Jack stated.

"Then Mr. Darby?" Sirenia asked, and Jack nodded. "What would you like me to do first?" she asked.

"Hm?" Jack asked, "Go for a flight, make sure everything's okay." He then turned to Arcee. "If you stick near the roads, Arcee can drive with you."

"Oh, man, babysitting takes me back." Arcee said. "You two have fun with your plaster."

* * *

Sirenia flew alongside the road, with Arcee driving on the road a dozen metres behind her. "So, what's your story?" she asked.

"My story?" Sirenia asked, "I don't have a story."

"Where did you go to?" Arcee asked.

"We didn't think the war would be The Great War." Sirenia stated, "We all thought it would peter out like all of the others. How wrong we were. I waited until the war was on ou doorsteps. I hadn't even heard Orion's speeches, and didn't really care until the Decepticon's were rounding up anyone who had heard them. Well, that's what they said, but they didn't really care to find out."

"You were a flyer?" Arcee asked.

"Where could I fly?" Sirenia asked, "By this point, the war was everywhere. And if I did fly away, there was a good chance I would just get shot out of the skies. What did you do at the start of the war?"

"The exact opposite." Arcee stated, "I heard his speeches. I supported him from the very beginning."

"As a soldier?" Sirenia asked.

"I was just a courier." Arcee simply stated, "I never thought I could be... I never wanted to be..."

"What happened?"

"I had to fight." Arcee stated, "I was good at it. He wasn't a soldier anymore than I was, but at the end, I was alive, and he was dead."

"And then what?" Sirenia asked.

"I joined the militia." Arcee stated, and a pregnant pause followed, "So, you?"

"I fought someone. I didn't kill him. I barely escaped. They didn't think I was worth stopping. I flew away."

"Where did you go?" Arcee asked.

"The only thing I could think of was the Hydrax Plateau. I could take the portal... somewhere..."

"Tsk." Arcee stated.

"I found out." Sirenia replied.

"The plateau was one of the first places the Decepticons conquered."

"I found out." Sirenia repeated.

"What did you do?" Arcee asked.

"I figured the portal would be the worst place to go. So, I slipped on a ship. I caught a bit of rust, but got away."

"Where did you go?" Arcee asked.

"Many places. So many worlds..."

"In the end?"

"Caminus." Sirenia stated.

"Caminus?" Arcee asked. "Don't they worship the Primes? And not just respect, but actually worship?"

"Hm?" Sirenia asked. "They do. Is that a problem?" she asked.

"Oh, you'll find out." Arcee salaciously replied. "How was life on Caminus?"

"Oh?!" a surprised Sirenia asked, "It was wonderful. Most of them are like us."

"Femmes." Arcee stated.

"Femmes." Sirenia repeated.

"Then why come back to Cybertron?" Arcee asked.

"Because I seemed to remembered it being better than it was."

"Tsk." Arcee stated, "I feel the same way. Land on the top of that spire."

Sirenia flew over to a butte and landed atop it. "The war also came to Caminus."

Arcee drove up a dirt slope, launching herself up to the top of the butte. "How did the flight go?"

"It was wonderful!" Sirenia exclaimed, "It's been so long since I could just go for a flight!"

"That's wonderful." Arcee cynically said, and Sirenia nervously looked at her, "That's uh... something you just have to get useful." She then lightened her tone up, "Going for a drive is a wonderful thing. But I meant, how did the repairs go?"

"Oh?" Sirenia asked, "I did not want to complain. Much better than I have been for megacycles. Ratchet was right: I need to spend more time oiling my aching joints."

"Anything else?" Arcee asked.

"Nothing major." Sirenia asked. "So, test flight done?"

"Head back to the garage." Arcee stated, "I'll head there on my own."

Sirenia then bowed, "Yes, Mistress."

#transformers #prime #the prime of his youth #darcee #jack darby #arcee

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violentivy · 2 years ago

Text

This is not an April fool's post, in spite of being posted April 1st.

In 20 days, my oldest son turns 18.

It has been 9 years since we were last able to visit for a protracted period of time.

I'm so sick of having to use back channels, but I'm grateful they exist.

When will this insanity end? This isn't my fault and I do not deserve to be punished.

The state decided I wasn't allowed to have a family because I couldn't read social queues in a situation that is still as clear as mud.

I used to get angry for my kids being deprived of a somewhat normal childhood with their actual Mom.

I used to get mad for my daughter, who doesn't get to see her brothers anymore.

But now, I'm just angry for me, because yes, my kids did life a life away from me, but they have been well loved and taken care of, for the most part.

But the state deadass looked at my Autistic ass and said "you can't see social queues, so you can't parent."

So, now I am angry for me. But also feel that I need to fight for my Autistic children, that they may have families should they choose to.

There is a hearing next month to talk about removing my name from the central registry for child abuse and neglect. The laws have changed and the "failure to protect" charge I admitted to would turn into a charge of "confirmed serious neglect", which doesn't sound right or fair for my case. The state has all but agreed to that.

This is largely pointless; it won't bring my kids back to me. It won't change anything about the custody arrangements, but it will allow me to clear a blemish from my name that doesn't deserve to be there.

Because I DID listen to my daughter. I did go through other cases, I did what I was asked to. The only thing I didn't do, is execute my tasks perfectly.

I forgot to lock a door before bed, y'all. I saw a few weird things but no strong signs that something was awry.

Maybe I should have seen something and realized it wasn't right, but every interaction I saw could be explained away quickly enough.

I'm tired, my heart hurts, and the last thing I want to do is go to more hearings that tell me that I suck when I am finally starting to get my confidence back after 20 years, but it's important to me that I get this removed.

I'm going this alone, no lawyer will be there to not understand me and proceed with some bullshit I didn't want.

I haven't even so much as told my family.

I want to right this wrong for my sake. Because I lead by example, and there are 7 sets of eyes either directly, or indirectly watching me.

I want my kids to see that even if things go sideways, and you get accused of awful things, there is hope.

I want them to understand that no knight in shining armor is coming to save them, but that they can save themselves.

They do not need permission to be exactly who they are, they are their own permission slip to the outside world.

And maybe I'm being overly dramatic, but the fact is, I think in some small way I'll be able to move on from this.

I'll still miss my kids with all of my heart. That will never change. They are apart of me, and will always be apart of me.

But, some of them may not know or understand why I did what I did.

I did all of this to protect you from what I saw as a real threat at the time. Your Dad was on the phone and told me every accusation was true. He thought that being "truthful" might save our relationship.

Years later, when he'd been in jail for a few years, he informed me that he was on a drug for his hiccups that I didn't know about. That drug can cause psychosis, similar to the psychosis like behavior that he exhibited that night and in the weeks that followed.

The police, CPS, they all told me I did the right thing to turn him in, heck, the psychiatrist who did my psych eval even said I was still wondering if I did the right thing, and viewed that as a point against me in being able to raise my children alone.

He said it would be a shame for the mother child relationship to be severed. He said that we just needed an extra eye to make sure the kids were safe.

I was lied to. Your Grandma told me it would be just like it always was, and the first time I really knew I was unwelcome was when I wrote to grandpa and said I'd come over to drop off the Christmas gifts that first year you were theirs, and that I would visit.

He told me I was not welcome to visit.

You were lied to. That swing set, that trampoline... Grandma D bought those for you. I left easter baskets on the porch the first few years, too. I'm sure if you saw them, you would have known they were from me and your sister, because who else puts little pop cans in an Easter basket?

We were both lied to, but your adoptive parents thought they were doing the right thing.

I wasn't acting exactly sane, either.

Because... Get this, I was lied to, and my kids whom I saw as my very reason for living were unceremoniously removed from my life completely by people I loved and trusted. People I desperately missed.

It's really difficult to remain sane through that. I'd even say impossible.

So I don't blame your adoptive parents either. They didnt go through the same thing I did. They went through an equally awful thing that it is also hard to stay sane through.

I just want to be able to share space with you all someday.

But for now, I just get to have my usual Easter breakdown.

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makeste · 3 years ago

Text

BnHA 323: “I Don’t Know How to Explain to You That You Should Care About Other People”

Previously on BnHA: Kacchan was all, “Izuku, I’m sorry.” Bakugou Stans were all, “[sobs for a week straight and tearfully awards him the Nobel Prize for character development].” Deku was all, “[faints in Kacchan’s arms].” Iida was all, “[trying to decide if Ochako genuinely tried to kill him a few minutes ago].” Horikoshi was all, “NO TIME FOR HUGS WE MUST GET BACK TO UA.” The civilians holed up at U.A. were all, “WE TOOK A VOTE AND DECIDED THAT WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE JERKS ABOUT THIS AND MAKE A BIG FUSS ABOUT YOU LETTING DEKU BACK INTO THE SCHOOL.” Deku was all “[stands there looking like he expected nothing less and breaking my heart more and more with each passing moment].” Ochako was all, “that does it, looks like I’m gonna have to do something about this... next chapter, that is.”

Today on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal is all “I just want you all to know that I spent nine million dollars turning U.A. into a giant Battleship-style grid that can burrow underground and zoom around in a giant subway maze because Horikoshi lacks a grounded understanding of both civil engineering and economics.” Back in the present day, Jeanist is all, “EVERYONE TAKE HEED, MY COMRADES AND I HAVE DEEMED IT EXPEDIENT TO CONVEY THIS AUSPICIOUS YOUTH BACK TO THIS STRONGHOLD. WE ANTICIPATE THAT WE MAY DEPEND UPON YOUR GOODWILL AND ACQUIESCENCE TO THESE TERMS.” The civilians were all, “NO.” Ochako was all, “EMPATHY, MOTHERFUCKERS, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!” The civilians were all, “oh shit.” Anyway so Ochako is a giant badass, but I’m a little worried that she’s going to get struck by lightning. Please come down from there.

so before we start this chapter, I would just like to apologize for having not posted the ch 321 recap yet, and would like to reassure everyone, and especially Iida who is staring at me with Sad Wobbly Guilt Trip Eyes, that I will get to that as soon as I can

OMG FLASHBACK??

yes please Horikoshi please show us more of class 1-A and their Deku intervention strategy jam sessions

oh dear

Iida you are too pure and good for this cruel world. [sprays the U.A. civilians with a water bottle] NO. BAD CIVILIANS! NO OSTRACIZING SCARED AND EXHAUSTED CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE

EXCUSE ME RAT PRINCIPAL WHAT’S WITH THESE MIXED MESSAGES

???

RAT PRINCIPAL: he’s free to return to us at any time!!

ALSO RAT PRINCIPAL: but it’s too risky for him to return to us

?? ??????? ?????????????????????

so now he’s going on about how strong the U.A. Barrier is, and how it’s comparable to the defensive capabilities of Tartarus. this would have sounded a lot more impressive before chapter 297 lol

OH!!!! HELLO, WHAT’S THIS!!!

A TIMELY CALLBACK TO A CERTAIN MYSTERIOUS EVENT WHICH HASN’T BEEN REFERENCED SINCE USJ? [U.A. TRAITOR MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

so now Rat Principal says he upgraded U.A.’s security systems with his own “modifications”, whatever the fuck that means. I mean look, I’ve been saying for a long time now that U.A. is the best place for everyone to hole up, don’t get me wrong. but that was mostly on account of there not being any other practical alternatives. but you’re making it sound like you figured out a way to actually make it Decay-proof or some wild shit like that

-- hold up, DID YOU ADD A FORCE FIELD. DID YOU TRICK THIS SCHOOL OUT WAKANDA-STYLE YOU CRAZY MARSUPIAL. HOLY SHIT. because that would actually be perfect

LMAO

WHAT KIND OF GALAXY BRAIN BULLSHIT. “NAH THERE’S NO NEED FOR A FORCE FIELD, LET’S JUST PUT WHEELS ON IT”

oh okay so the whole campus is basically capable of burrowing itself underground. that’s insane lol I wonder how they pulled that off. probably got poor Cementoss working overtime

blah blah blah so basically the entire campus is split into a grid and each section of the grid is capable of its own independent movement. lol this is just the Merone Base from KHR. you thought no one would notice this casual plagiarism ten years after the fact, but YOU UNDERESTIMATED YOUR AUDIENCE, HORIKOSHI

“joke’s on you imma just lampshade it” WELL ALL RIGHT THEN

“look at me I’m so fucking self-aware” fucking swear to god. I can’t believe this man is my favorite mangaka of all time smdh

“excuse me, I wasn’t finished describing all the rest of this bullshit yet,” Rat Principal breaks in impatiently. “we also added a steel wall all around the underground of the campus that’s 3000 steel plates thick. that’s fifteen fucking meters of solid fucking steel just fyi. and if anyone fucks around with any part of it the defense system will activate immediately! and also all of the plates are independently motorized, whatever the fuck that means!! in conclusion you’re gonna need a fucking tower crane to suspend all of your disbelief by the time I’m through with this paragraph”

“also Shiketsu is almost as reinforced as U.A. but not quite because we still had to make sure we were better.” but of course. and apparently the two schools are connected via a secret tunnel as Hagakure mentioned earlier

LSDKFJLSDKJFLK

“WAIT WHAT” LMAO YOU HEARD HIM, NOW INASA CAN VISIT YOU BOTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE WEIRD DREAM HE HAD. GOD BLESS YOU HORIKOSHI

(ETA: moment of appreciation for Shouto and Katsuki having the same thought at the same time and making Knowing Eye Contact and saying the exact same thing out loud in perfect unison like the best friends they are. what a blessed day.)

so Tokoyami is all “but wait if you engineered all this shit all the way back during the Band arc how did you even know that Tomura’s quirk awakening would become a thing, Horikoshi -- uh, I mean, Principal Nezu”

and Rat Principal is all “lol idk”

“basically I just woke up one morning and was all ‘say, you know what this school really needs? a fifteen-meter-thick underground steel wall, and the ability to break up into little pieces that individually zoom around wherever the fuck they want.’ jesus christ. lol if money and common sense were apparently no obstacle why didn’t you just teleport U.A. to the fucking moon or something. maybe I should shut up before I given him any ideas

dsfaelkjldkjgl

you heard it here first, folks, all of this cost a grand total of nine million U.S. dollars. well technically it cost “more than” nine million dollars. never has that distinction been more important lmao. are we sure this barrier was really made of steel and not cardboard? who the hell sold it to them, Ea-Nasir??

this is my favorite manga series of all time. yes I am ashamed

“in conclusion please do your best to reach Deku-kun” SO WHAT WAS ALL THAT NONSENSE ABOUT IT BEING TOO RISKY THEN. anyway thank you for this super informative and edifying flashback, Horikoshi. I will cherish it always. I don’t even want to read another translation of this absurdity lmao, there’s something special about it just the way it is. pretty sure Horikoshi just had a cracked out fever dream one night and transferred it to the pages of the manga verbatim

anyway so back to the unruly mob

not their finest moment. please excuse me while I cover poor Deku’s ears and give him a good shoosh pap

oh wow the parents are out here too

is Mitsuki trying to hold Inko back?? that’s the last thing this fandom needs right now is more Mitsuki discourse fffwlkjs. and even Jiroudad, scientifically proven to be the best dad in all of BnHA, is just standing there silently looking vaguely unhappy. way to rise to the moment you guys

MONOMA

so this settles it for me that Aizawa is not at UA. I know a lot of people have been wondering about his whereabouts, and if I had to wager a guess it would be that something happened with Shirakumo/Kurogiri. I can’t think of anything else -- even the loss of an eye and a limb -- that would keep him from his kids at a time like this

anyway but this is excellent Monoma content right here though. I love that he apparently adopted Eri after a single interaction with her. also WHERE IS SHINSOU DAMMIT. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW

and Kouta’s there too looking like he wants to run over to Deku but Ragdoll won’t let him :/

it’s gotta be pretty upsetting for him to see his hero like this and not having anyone stand up for him. [taps megaphone] IS THIS THING ON. OKAY YEAH IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING. AHEM. PAGING URARAKA OCHAKO. GONNA NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE ALREADY AND MAKE THAT BIG DRAMATIC SPEECH WHICH YOU ARE CLEARLY DYING TO MAKE. IF YOU DON’T DO IT SOON I’M GONNA HAVE TO STEP IN, AND YOU REALLY DON’T WANT ME TO DO THAT SINCE MY SPEECH WILL NOT BE VERY GOOD OR INSPIRING, AND WILL PROBABLY JUST CONSIST OF “HELLO, YOU ARE ALL STUPID, PLEASE SHUT UP AND GO AWAY”

so now Mic is telling them to calm down. at least someone’s speaking up here, geez

OH MY GOD

MY MAN JEANIST OUT HERE DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST: MAKING EVERYONE FEEL GUILTY AND JUDGED

OH MY GOD HE IS GIVING SUCH A LONG AND BORING SPEECH LMAO IS YOUR STRATEGY TO PUT THEM ALL TO SLEEP OR WHAT

truly in awe of this man’s ability to take messages which could easily be conveyed in ELI5-speak, and stubbornly convert them into incomprehensible language the likes of which you need a graduate degree in order to understand

“hey guys, so originally our plan was to use Deku as bait for the villains, but that didn’t really work and also we realized it was kinda dumb and was probably gonna get him killed, so we brought him back here instead.” was that really so hard, Jeanist. also are we all really just gonna sit back here and watch Jeanist take full credit for Bakugou’s plan just like that lmao

(ETA:

WHERE DID ENDEAVOR GO AND WHO IS THIS DIABOLICAL MASTER OF DISGUISE. lol I genuinely didn’t notice this because I was too busy digging through thesauruses trying to rewrite Jeanist’s speech; many thanks to @class1akids for pointing it out and making my day immeasurably better. take it easy there Dick Tracy.)

“anyway so please stop being dicks and let him fucking rest so he can save all your ungrateful asses” what an impassioned and inspiring plea. time to see if the masses will listen to reason

narrator: they did not listen to reason

oh my god finally Ochako is doing something. YEAH OCHAKO WOOOO SHOW THEM HOW IT’S DONE

hmm

this entire chapter is truly and utterly nonsensical to me lol

(ETA: on my second readthrough I’m fucking dying at how she stole the megaphone right out of Mic’s hand lmao. and how Kacchan is all “fuck yeah nothing I appreciate more than some quality fucking larceny.”)

oh I see she was jumping on top of the main building so as to scream down at them all more impressively

“ANYWAY DEKU IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS ARE JUST MEAN” couldn’t have said it better myself Ochako

lol uh

gotta say I did not have “Ochako reveals the secret of OFA to the entire U.A. Citizen Clown Parade” on my bingo card for this week. it’s a bold strategy cotton let’s see if it pays off

SDLFKJSL

“NO, SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HIM YOU GUYS. YOU THINK HE LIKES RUNNING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A RUSTED OIL DRUM?? HE DID THAT FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL SLOBS”

so she is basically explaining the entire Deku Angst arc to them and explaining what a good and selfless protagonist Deku is, YES, PREACH

OMG IT’S THE GIGANTIC FOX LADY

not to insinuate anything, but what exactly were you doing standing out here with the hysterical mob, Gigantic Fox Lady? you’re better than that

-- KACCHAN SIGHTING!!

sdlkfjl. thanks for weighing in with that helpful and important observation. where have you been for the last five minutes. were you asleep. was it Jeanist’s speech

never mind, now he’s yelling at the civilians so I instantly forgive him

THE FUTURE NUMBER ONE HERO, EVERYONE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HE’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK

“anyway so I’m just going to end the chapter here” lmao seventeen pages truly do go by so fast. at least he didn’t try to force in a cliffhanger at the end this time. dare I say, growth

so I guess the civilians are either gonna have a Kamino and/or Fukuoka-esque moment where they remember how to be decent people and apologize to this poor young man, or else they’ll remain unpersuaded, and so Kacchan will have to knock a few of their heads around until they become more inclined to be reasonable. either option is fine by me lol

#bnha 323 #uraraka ochako #rat principal #class 1-a #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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opheliawillowbrook · 3 years ago

Text

That Time of the Year...

Summary: After six years of marriage and three children later, Raven and Damian struggle to get through their holiday anniversary and the arrival of the dreaded ELF ON THE SHELF.

Also if you would prefer to read in Ao3 the think is 👉Here Also Tumblr does not keep original formatting so if that is important you please read there.

I would first like to say, if you are the creator of Elf On A Shelf, I hate you. Like I already don’t have enough to do making literal magic for two months: pulling Christmas miracles out of my ass on a shoestring budget that I don’t even get to take credit for. NO! Instead, the praises goes to an overweight, diabetic man, who’s a possible sex offender, and the only reason we don’t question it further is because he doesn’t really exist. So instead, we act like Big Brother spying on our children is little more than harmless fun, until one day you find out the CIA has been spying on you through your Smart TV (turns out your crazy uncle Roy was right about that fine purchase. So what else is he right about?) and yet somehow your groomed response is, “Well, it’s not like I was doing anything wrong. What’s the big deal?” Yeah, just remember that next time you google some weird shit, and since most of you write Fanfiction, we can assume that happens a lot. My advice: get a VPN. Encrypt that shit. Anyhow, now that we’ve established the Grade A parenting on our part: Yay Santa… We can shift our attention to the fact these were only some of the things Damian Wayne was grappling with when his wife, whom he loved greatly, (but also sometimes drove him crazy, because that's marriage) decoded it was time their family embraced the magical 🤮 tradition of being a day-to-day slave of this false prophet. As if the elf were Jesus or something. So with that in mind, let’s embark on a Christmas tale nobody asked for!

…Save yourself.

“But really, Raven? Elf on the Shelf?”

Raven rolled her eyes; she knew her husband would not be swayed by what he considered mundane and pointless. But as a mother, she told herself that there was importance in making her children’s lives far better than their own. Not to mention, they both had super fucked up childhoods, and she wanted to spare their kids those horrors.

“It’s for the kids, Dami.”

“They have enough,” Damian grumbled of his three children, two sons and an infant daughter (who he’d never admit was his favorite). She looks like her mother and she complains the least. He’d just spoiled her to death while his sons earned everything. “I mean, if anything, they need a reality check.”

“For God’ sake, Damian, they are four and five. Reality isn’t exactly in their vocabulary.”

“Entirely my point. When I was their age, I could not only say reality—I lived it.”

“You also had at least three confirmed kills and a developing mommy complex,” Raven droned, reminding him his childhood was not one to model their kids by.

“I’ll concede you have a point, but how is a stuffed elf going to fix that?”

“It’s just something fun for the kids. Y’know, that thing your childhood lacked? Plus they asked Santa for one.”

“Can’t we just tell our children the elf won’t come to our house because I’m Jewish?”

“You’re being ridiculous!” Raven howled, her husband still firmly against the childish notion.

“Am I, Raven? It’s a known fact elves are very anti-Semitic,” Damian continued. “We can claim the reason elves work for Santa is because the Nazi Party is no longer hiring.”

Raven scowled, as this was a new low, even after 6 years of marriage and 4 years of dating. “Are you even Jewish?”

Damian uncrossed his arms and replied. “Short answer, yes, but it’s complicated.”

“How is it—Y’know what? Never mind,” Raven glowered as she’d learned (the hard way) Damian Wayne could complicate anything. “Now give me your credit card so I can buy the damn elf.”

“I have to pay for it too?” Damian scoffed.

“Well yeah. You work while I birth and raise your children. That was the deal, remember?” Raven patronized as they started a (unplanned) family young. Damian being rather business savvy and good with money (not to mention a Wayne) meant Raven could focus on raising their children and be the mother neither she or husband had. However, it had challenges, mostly Damian. “Also, don’t even give me shit about spending ‘your money'. Every time I talk about going back to work or school, you knock me up again.”

“Hey, I warned you how many kids I wanted.”

“Well, now that we have three, do you really want Seven?”

“It’s good to have spares.” Damian reasoned. “You never know what could happen.”

“That’s definitely your mother talking.”

“No, if that was my mother talking, I’d be talking about bio engineering and cloning them. And though there are moments I’m tempted: like when they swallow Legos and or shove craft deeds up their noses, (true story) I recognize how harmful that was to me as a person. I’m still not completely sure whether I’m a clone or the real Damian. Beth’s struggle is real.”

Raven shook her head, reconciling with the fact her husband identified strongest with the Rick & Morty character, and yet somehow, that made perfect sense. “Again, I’m sorry that happened to you, but we’ve talked about this. I love you and I don’t care if you’re a clone or not. It doesn’t matter. But all I’m trying to do is give our kids the childhood we didn’t have. I agree, the elf is stupid. But it would make them happy, and the upside is, you can use it to threaten them.”

“How?”

“Elf is supposed to 'report to back to Santa' on whether they've been naughty or nice.”

“So the elf is a treacherous spy?”

“Oh my fucking god, Damian!” Raven lamented as the vein in her temple pulsed. She may have loved her husband, but that still didn’t mean he wasn’t a pain in the ass from time to time. “You threaten to call Santa’s direct fucking line and tell him all about our kid’s fuck ups.”

“Because I’m their father. I can do that. It’s practically my job! Just like when you threaten to eat their souls.”

“Damian, whatever the fuck your middle name is Wayne,” (Cause we aren’t 'privy to that information') Raven said with warning, realizing how absurd it was she didn’t know her spouse’s middle name, assuming he has one. As he had too many titles to keep up with, but who cares? Not this girl. “If you ever wanna get laid this side of the moon, you will buy our children that stupid elf!”

Damian glared at her hard. He liked to think it was an idle threat: he’d come to learn it wasn’t. He also liked to think he could hold out, but as he’d learned on previous occasions, he was no match for her on the carnal front. She knew exactly how to push his buttons and she did it all too well.

“I suppose if it’s what our children want....”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“Am I, though?”

Just then, their front door swung open, and Damian’s father Bruce, along with butler Alfred, came walking in. In an uncommonly good mood. Something was up?

“Merry Christmas,” Bruce sang in a tone that was uncharacteristic of him.

Something was definitely up.

"Father?” Damian replied suspiciously. “Showing up unannounced, I see?”

“No, Raven invited us!”

Damian only glared at his wife, realizing she was in on whatever treachery was a foot. You’ll pay for this betrayal later, Beloved!

“I told you we were doing our anniversary dinner tonight,” Raven reasoned; Christmas always overshadowed their anniversary. She was definitely in on it.

However, before accusations could be made, his two sons came barreling in from down the hall, excited for their grandfather’s visit. He always spoiled them.

“I should probably mention your mother called,” Raven added unenthusiastically. “She’s on her way…”

“And you’re only telling me this now?”

“Hey, I’m not excited about it either,” the Empath defended.

“Is anyone ever excited to see her?” Alfred added through his side eye, as the children hugged him and Bruce with excitement.

“Mimi’s coming too!” their four-year-old Rami screamed.

We should note that Talia’s term of endearment came about because she insisted she not be called “Grandma” or anything of the sort. So Bruce started referring to her as “Meany” in front of the kids. You can put the logical path of devolution together yourself.

“Unfortunately,” Raven replied under her breath as even though she and Talia got along famously, the Empath was reluctant to accept her mother in-law's parenting advice, to which there was plenty. I swear if she tells me hugging my kids too much will make them gay. I will fucking lose it. “Talia!”

“Mimi!” Both boys sang as the assassin walked through the door, not even bothering to knock.

“Just in time to annoy everyone,” Bruce quipped with a sly grin.

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing, how’ve you been?”

I hate my parents. “Is that wine, Pennyworth?”

“Requiring a glass, Sir?” he replied with a wink, far too familiar with Damian’s struggle.

“Is that a question or an observation?”

“Does it matter?”

“No.”

“Here Alfred,” Raven smiled, “Why don’t we go open that in the kitchen and you can help me check the roast,” which was Raven’s way of saying, lets go do good luck shots and leave Damian to the wolves, fuck him. “While Damian catches up with his parents.” Because that’s what you get for being difficult over an elf.

It’s a sad day in Hell when you only have your four- and five-year-old to see you through, Damian thought bitterly, as he turned to his parents. His two sons gleeful as they jumped up and down, excited to see both their grandparents. Such little fools.

“What’cha bring us, grandpa!” Rami, their four-year-old, asked.

“How many times have I told you two it’s rude to expect gifts from your grandfather?” Damian reprimanded.

“Oh, don’t listen to your dad! Of course I brought gifts!”

“It’s two weeks before Christmas?” the younger Wayne protested.

“So,” Bruce replied, “When do I not bring them gifts?”

“Who are you and what did you do with my Father?” Damian asked, watching him act so gentle and kind towards his grandsons. “Also, can you stop bringing them things every time you see them? You’re spoiling them.”

“Now you just sound like your mother,” Bruce smirked, not a fuck given.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Talia asked in an accusatory tone.

Bruce only smirked. “You know what it means.”

Talia gave the Bat a derogatory eye roll and turned to her son. “I assure you, Damian,” she said, and gave her ex-lover a rather cruel look, “it’s not a bad thing.”

“You’d think that,” he laughed under his breath when he heard baby Arella cry.

I have never been so happy to hear my daughter cry , Damian sighed inwardly. “Well, look at that. Ari is up from her nap. I’m going to tend to her now.”

The wavering scowl remained on his face as he headed down the hall toward the sound of his fussing infant. His parents were insufferable enough apart, let alone together. To the point where he couldn’t recall a single instance where the two didn’t bicker or contradict one another, and now that there were grandchildren involved… Maybe I should just take my family to the middle of nowhere and not tell anyone? Though Raven would never go for that: at least not in the context of not telling anyone.

“Who am I kidding? They’d find me… I’m probably wearing a tracking device as we speak. I wonder what else Roy is right about?” Damian thought aloud, picking up his daughter who was more than happy to see him—she always was. “I’d like to say I’ll never be crazy enough to implant a tracking device on your person, my darling girl, but that’s a promise Daddy might not be able to keep,” he sang. “God help the poor bastard that attempts to court you.”

He placed the baby down on her changing table and undid her onesie and went through the motions of changing her diaper. YES! Damian Wayne changes diapers because he is a good father and loves his baby daughter. Also, Raven wouldn’t stand for the whole. ‘Changing diapers is below my station ,’ bullshit he tried to spew and made him do it, anyway.

“Well Ari,” Damian continued, grabbing a fresh wipey, “I have some bad news. Daddy’s parents surprised him with a visit today, and he suspects they may have conspired with Mommy to do so. So Daddy’s probably gonna be a little cranky tonight.” He removed the soiled diaper and replaced it with a clean one. “I honestly hope you never find yourself venting to your baby daughter one day. You know, if Daddy ever allows you to date. So you won’t have to burden your children with how much Mommy and Daddy drive you crazy. Because if they overheard me talking to you like this, they’d ask what the fuck is wrong with me? To which I would reply: Really, neither of you has any idea? Not a clue?” he concluded and lifted the baby girl up high as she laughed. “But you don’t think Daddy is crazy, do you, my little angel? No!”

Meanwhile, as he continued to snuggle the cheerful baby and tousle her soft black hair, Raven watched from the doorway, a warm look across her face. “See, this is the man I married,” she said, entering the room with an extra glass of wine. “I thought you’d need this.”

Damian rested their baby to his shoulder and took the glass with his free hand.

“You should know,” Raven added, “I invited your father and Alfred, but I had nothing to do with your mother.”

“What did Pennyworth say?”

“That was all your dad.”

“I knew it,” Damian scolded. “The scoundrel can’t help himself!”

“Well, that’s your parents for you. They can’t stand to be in a room together, and yet, they can’t stay apart.”

“Promise me we’ll never be like that?”

“We won’t; we actually like each other and I am nothing like your mother.”

This was true; Raven may have been strong willed and independent, but to say she and Talia were cut from the same cloth would have been a stretch. Raven was a solid wife and wonderful mother; even if she wanted to appease their already spoiled children with a treasonous Elf that was creepy as fuck.

“This is true,” Damian admitted, noticing how pretty aha looked for their anniversary dinner. “Not to mention I can’t keep my hands off you.” He put his thumb across his wife’s cheek; for all their bickering, he loved her more than anything. But before he could share a much needed kiss with her, parenthood shot them straight from orbit.

“AAAAAHHHH! Liam hit me!” their son Rami cried from the living room.

“Maybe if you weren’t such a baby I wouldn’t have to,” the eldest boy said as if it were a valid defense. It was often pointed out Liam was a brat, just like his father. Or, as Bruce lovingly referred to the boy, 'Payback.'

“We should probably get back to your parents before they let our children kill each other.”

“Or we could just wait in here and see what happens?” Damian offered.

“Remember the last time we did that?”

Damian thought back to the last time they foolishly trusted his parents with the boys. It was at the gender reveal party Steph had somehow talked Raven into letting her throw for them at their home. Yet somehow Raven ended up cooking nearly everything, as Steph forgot to book a caterer. Or, as Damian suspected, forgot she couldn’t afford one and bailed. Thank God Cass insisted she handle the cake that held the secret pink frosting. Anyhow, it was not even five minutes into the famous last words, “Can you please watch the boys while I help Raven before she kills someone,” that Liam accused Rami of stealing his favorite Nerf Gun, (they have the exact same one) and demanded it back. Rami refused and was then pushed face first into a table, which led to the younger boy hitting his older brother in the face and breaking the toy gun over his brother’s head. Resulting in a trip to the hospital, one black eye, a fractured frontal bone, a damaged lateral rectus muscle, and six stitches as a result of hitting a table. And all because, according to Bruce and Talia, they were “working it out.” Needless to say, they’d not been alone with the kids since then.

“How could I forget?” Damian winced. “They didn’t even offer to pay the hospital bill.”

“So we should probably get out there,” Raven suggested, taking a generous sip of her wine. “One more hospital trip and we’ll have Child Protective Services at our door, and I DO NOT wanna give Liam that power. Little shit will have us looking like Joan Crawford in that movie.”

“Oh, if he did that, I’d just let him go,” Damian warned. “I would be like, you wanna live with Grandpa. Here, I’ll help you pack. Little bastard.”

“I don’t know. Your Dad didn’t exactly know how to handle you. I’m not convinced he could handle our son.”

“I meant your father, Beloved.”

Raven only laughed and took their daughter, hoping to God she wasn’t anything like her father. And secretly feared what Damian would have been like as a teenage girl. If so, we are fucking doomed.

Damian must have read her mind or felt the anxiety as he added. “At least Rami seems to be less blood thirsty, well, when he’s not engaging in combat with his brother.”

“Yeah, he’s got a temper, but he’s a lot more level headed about it.”

Their four-year-old was actually pretty docile compared to his older brother, who had all of Damian’s fury and none of his mother’s patience. Rami, however, was a better combination: he was smart, methodical, and very focused, but when he allowed his feathers to be ruffled, he could turn Hell into high water. He could also be quite the little sneak.

“I still can’t believe you caught him dropping F bombs?”

Damian rolled his eyes, recalling the incident. He just so happened to be in the garage toying with the ride-on lawn mower, which always broke every time tried to cut the lawn… And was ironically the reason his children came to learn the F word in the first place. He’d heard Rami and his cousin J. Jay (Jason Jr.) come barreling into their play room, excited for their play date, when he heard, “J. Jay, look at this fucking train!”

Damian paused, unsure if he heard him right. His son was four, after all; why would he feel the need to curse? And gave the child the benefit of the doubt.

“It’s so fucking cool?”

“Rami, we’re not supposed to say that word,” his cousin reasoned, as he’d likely been told daily not to repeat the horrific things that came out of Rose and Jason’s mouths. Leaving Damian to mow over the irony: I can’t believe my fucking kid just got reprimanded by Todd’s spawn.

“It’s fine as long as no one is around to hear it.”

“Is that so?” Damian said, emerging from the garage, his son’s face white and guilty as sin.

“More proof that ‘Santa is always watching consequence’ is ineffective at curbing behavior.”

“Mommy! Did you know Grandpa went to college with Santa!” Rami screamed in excitement.

“And yet they’re so gullible?” Damian mused, glaring at his father. “I thought it was Pennyworth who attended university with Clause? He’s certainly old enough.”

“Charming, Master Damian,” Alfred said emotionless, hardly glancing up from his wine. “I see the holiday spirit is not lost on you.”

“How can it be,” Damian droned, “I’m reminded of it every time I look at my credit card statement.”

“Don’t be such a Scrooge,” Raven quipped and topped off her wine glass.

“Maybe if I could understand why you needed 10 boxes of Christmas lights?”

“Oh yeah, I’m gonna need you to put those up tomorrow, so the house is decorated."

“Are you serious?”

“As Darkseid taking over the planet. Happy Anniversary, Dami,” she added and clinked his glass.

“It’s nice to see you taking on the fatherly husband role so well, Son,” Bruce smiled, though Damian couldn’t tell if it was an insult or a compliment: it was probably a little of both.

“To be fair, he’s normally not this cranky,” Raven reasoned. “Christmas just makes him a total Scrooge.”

“Too much Holiday cheer, I suppose,” Alfred added. “Wouldn’t want to have too much fun now, would we, Master Damian?”

“It’s just a stressful time of year on top of everything else,” Damian replied in his defense. “Three kids gets expensive.”

“Stop knocking me up then,” Raven murmured under her breath.

“Beloved?”

“Nothing.”

“Well, now you know how I felt having to buy gifts for six or seven kids,” Bruce shrugged, not even bothering to count.

“Like you couldn’t afford it,” Damian frowned. “And if I recall, it was Pennyworth who bought the gifts, and wrapped them, and did all the decorating, and the cooking, and the planning, and the sent the Christmas cards, and even made the seating arrangements.”

“Finally someone noticed,” Alfred said, sipping his wine as Bruce gave him the side eye.

“Not like you can’t afford it either,” the Bat drawled, noting that his son had always been rather tight with the wallet.

“I might be well off, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be fiscally responsible, Father.”

“Damian, you could live off your trust fund alone and never worry about money a day in your life!”

“I’m not a charity case, Father,” Damian scolded, as he hardly ever touched his trust fund and, if anything, saved and invested it wisely. “You’d rather me be single and starving in a loft like Grayson? Talk about failure to launch.”

“It’s a little late for that,” Raven droned as she bounced their baby. “You’re also being a little unfair. It wasn’t Dick’s fault Kory got married and Barabra dumped him for the guy who makes her latte at Starbucks—By the way, is she bringing that guy to dinner?”

“No," Bruce replied, “she’s going to her father’s.”

“Oh good.” Damian may not have acted like it, but he had grown to be quite protective of his elder brother. Meaning Barabra and Kory had both incidentally become prominent enemies on the family front and were just sort of his Kill List. (Fun Fact: Jason is constantly removed and reinstated on the Kill List for even minor infractions while Tim is permanently on the list.)

However, before Damian could go on a tirade, Raven announced that dinner was ready and for everyone to take their seats. They made their way to the dining room where Talia, of course, took Raven’s seat at the head of the table, across from where her son sat. It was something Raven felt disrespected by. However, over the years, she came to terms with the fact that no one told Talia what to do and that there would be bigger battles to be fought. Specifically the woman’s review of her parenting skills and wifely duties.

“Damian, what do you think you’re doing?”

“Feeding my baby?” he replied, not even bothering to glance up from the child.

“And Raven isn’t doing it, because?”

“Because I’m making plates for the kids,” Raven answered on her own behalf. “And I spent all day cooking. The least Damian could do is feed the baby.”

“I see,” Talia smiled and lifted her wine, “So you’ve given up breastfeeding?”

Raven gave Damian a visible eye roll and replied. “I wasn’t producing enough, and it was getting too stressful.”

“Really, stressful ?” Talia noted. “So doing what’s best for the baby is stressful?”

“Mother,” Damian scolded.

“What? Am I not allowed to be concerned with the betterment of my grandchildren?”

“If that were the case, you wouldn’t gift them dangerous weaponry,” Raven smiled, recalling the previous Christmas that the boys received child sized katanas from none other than their grandmother.

“They have been passed down for generations,” Talia defended. “Damian received them when he was three.”

“And look how well that turned out,” Alfred mused as he took a bite of his roast. “This is Divine Mrs. Wayne.”

“Thank you, Alfred,” Raven smiled and sat down between her husband and children.

“This is very good,” Bruce added, “and the potatoes are phenomenal.”

“Yes, this is wonderful.” Talia grinned and glanced down at her plate. “If you’d only put this much effort into feeding your child.”

Raven felt the vein in her temple throb, the one that always did when her mother-in-law was present and running her mouth. Leaving Damian to realize he had damage control to conduct.

“Mother, how long did you breastfeed for?”

“Oh, I didn’t,” Talia replied, unfazed. “I used a wet nurse. I just simply didn’t have the time for such a thing.”

Damian could feel his wife’s eyes burn into him as he glared at his mother disapprovingly.

“On that note,” Bruce interjected, “What do you kids want Santa to bring you!”

“Elf on the Shelf!” Both boys replied to their father’s discontent.

Talia rolled her eyes and made a play of sipping her wine. “I still can’t believe you allow them to believe in such things.”

“Mother,” Damian warned from across the table. “We have talked about this.”

“Damian, look me in the eye and tell me you don’t find any of this foolish?”

“I never said I didn’t.”

“Then how can you allow them to be raised as such?”

“Do you really want me to answer that, Mother?” Which was his way of saying: I swear to God if you ruin my children’s childhood’s and rob them of the magic of Christmas, you will never see them again.

“Y’know, how Grandpa went to college with Santa?” Bruce interjected once more to cut through the tension.

“I don’t know which of those things is a bigger lie?” Damian mumbled.

“Don’t listen to your dad. Grampa graduated from Yale!”

“What’s Yale?” Rami asked.

“It’s a school, dummy,” Liam snapped.

“Don’t call your brother that,” Damian ordered, unpleased with his son’s tone.

“Why? You call uncle Tim worse things all the time and he’s your brother.”

“Not by blood or by choice.”

“Well, I didn’t choose Rami. I told you guys to return him.”

“Hey Liam, you wanna live in the shed?” Damian threatened.

“No!”

“Then shut it! Rami is your brother, whether you like it or not. One day you‘ll realize how lucky you are to have him.”

“Yeah, Wiam!” Rami added with sense of second-hand pride.

The older boy scowled. “He can’t even say his L’s right?”

“And you still wet the bed,” Damian replied, his son’s face growing beat red.

Raven scolded him as the adults at the table all paused at the child’s embarrassment, the younger boy giddy with laughter. Bruce, however, found some humor for his son’s frustration. As he was the only one who could appreciate the fatherly context. Sometimes dad’s gotta do what dad’s gotta do.

“You’re gonna pay for that humiliation, Father!” the boy threatened, crossing his arms.

“Don’t worry, Liam, your father wet himself on a mission once,” Bruce offered, leveling the playing field; Damian offering an unamused glare.

“Really?”

“This is the first I’m hearing of this,” Raven asked her husband, half sorry she was even getting involved.

“I was tased by Quinn…”

“What’s a tased?” Rami asked, confused.

“It’s what’s gonna happen to you two, if you don’t stop talking and eat your dinner.”

“Really, Damian,” Talia tsked, “They don’t know what a taser is?”

“No Mother, they are CHILDREN!”

“Speaking of them being children,” Bruce interrupted. “I talked to my old college buddy, Santa Claus, and he sent me a special gift for you guys to open up before Christmas!”

The boys cheered with glee, forgetting all about their rivalry and failing bladders. “What is it!”

“I don’t know, but you two can open it after dinner… but only if you both behave and stop picking on each other.”

“Okay!” they sang and began eating their food and not another peep was made between them.

Damian rolled his eyes as he hated bribing his children into compliance, especially since both his mother and father would have never put up with such behavior when he was a boy. In fact, Damian could recall a time in the Batcave where (for once) he and his many siblings were excited for Christmas, and his father, being someone who was allergic to joy and joyful situations, threatened: “If you guys don’t knock it off and focus, I’m gonna buy you all coal for Christmas.” And in typical Bruce fashion, he did.

That Christmas morning, everyone, including Alfred, was treated to a lump of coal. Bruce even lined everyone up in front of the tree, disappointment and annoyance on every face as he took a family photo.

“Say Christmas cheer!” Bruce grinned, pleased with his prank.

“Fuck you, Bruce,” Jason frowned with his middle finger displayed.

“That is definitely next year’s Christmas card.”

Sadly, Damian could recall how his mother’s approach to the holidays was not any better.

“How bad are we talking?” Raven asked, as Damian helped her clean up after dinner.

Damian thought back to a time when he was still very young and somewhat impressionable.

“I told her I knew Santa was not real, nor was the Tooth Fairy… But hoped the Easter Bunny was…”

“Oh my God,” Raven mused, thinking of her husband’s childish notion and the sheer innocence he begged her not to dash. “I’m afraid to know what she said?”

“I can still remember the look on her face as if it were yesterday: pure confusion settling in the lines of her expression while what little motherly instinct she had, battled with her warrior complexities. And for a moment, I think she might have felt for my childishness?... Or maybe it was just resentment?”

“So what did she say?”

“She said and I quote: ‘Let me ask you this, my son. Why would you assume a rabbit that lays eggs, a biological impossibility, is more probable than an obese man with flying reindeer that can fit down a chimney?’ Those were her exact words.”

“What did you do?”

“Said nothing and walked away.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Raven replied, recognizing the trace amounts of devastation that stayed with him all those years, as did many of his childhood memories. And with that, she could begin to understand why Damian struggled to embrace such childish traditions, even for his own children.

“Anyway, we can buy our kids the pointless Elf…”

Raven smiled up at her husband, “Despite all you have endured, you really are a wonderful father. Our kids are lucky to have you, Dami.” She kissed him in a loving, grateful way. Even through all his faults, he still always did right by their family and she couldn’t have loved him more.

“Also, be warned,” Damian added. “If I catch you competing with Sandsmark and Danvers for who comes up with the most creative hiding places and posts it on Instagram, I’m gonna burn the thing.”

“I’ll burn myself,” Raven laughed. “Plus, I have a feeling I’m gonna forget to move it more than a few times and be forced to take a page out of Rose’s book.”

“You’re gonna tell them the Elf is a lazy freeloader?”

“Yeah pretty much.”

“Just emphasize the freeloading part and I’m completely on board.”

“MOOOOMMMM! DAAAAAAAD!” their children screamed as Alfred faintly explained in the background that’s not what he meant by get your parents.

“We’re being summoned,” Raven said sarcastically.

“Just for that we should make them wait.”

Raven shook her head. “Just a few more hours and they go to bed. Until then, let’s just get through this visit… together.”

“Together,” he repeated and locked his hand in hers, recalling the moment on the Ferris wheel when he knew she was the one. And as the years went on, it didn’t matter that they’d reversed the order, conceiving a child out of wedlock (his mother loved that). They were a little in over their heads, but they had each other, and from that moment, Damian wanted nothing more than to marry her. However, that was a slight contention, as Raven insisted they wait until after the baby was born: to Damian’s greatest horror. He refused to let his children grow up like they did. Which led him to conspire with an unlikely group of allies, his mother, who was on the same page, as her own regrets led the charge. As well as Alfred, who could not pass up aiding in such a romantic gesture. Damian’s father, who recognized he’d succeeded in raising his son a man. And his brother Dick, who loved Damian and Raven more than words could describe and was essential in rallying the troops. So that Christmas, once Raven was just past her third trimester, Damian did the absolutely unthinkable and put together a surprise wedding. Nothing big; he just gifted her a white cocktail dress and asked her to wear it that night, then officially proposed to her outside the manor as a gentle snowfall flurried around them. When she said “yes” and they shared their moment and Damian began setting the rest of his plan into motion.

“So you really wanna spend the rest of your life with me?”

“Yes,” Raven smiled and kissed him, the white snow clinging to her coal black hair.

“And have all seven of my children?”

“Let’s just see if we survive one,” she laughed as he took her face in his hands.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he smiled and looked into her eyes. “I know you want to wait until after the baby comes, and I understand. But I just don’t see the point in waiting to start our life together when it already has.”

“I suppose you’re right… I know how important it is that our baby doesn't grow up without either of us.”

“And I know how important it is to you that our children grow up with parents that are good role models. So if that's what we both want, why wait?” He kissed her again as he brushed the hair off her face and chose his next words very carefully. “If you had no choice but to marry me today, would you?”

“Yes,” Raven grinned with no hesitation.

“Good,” Damian grinned, “because I’m about to hold you to that,” and revealed the rest of his plan: only their closest friends and family were there while Alfred officiated the wedding. The two of them vowing to love and protect each other for a lifetime and more. And that said, Raven officially became Mrs. Damian al Ghul-Wayne… Well, it was official the next day when they went to the courthouse and got a marriage license, but that didn’t sound romantic enough. Oh well.

So even if Damian was never a big fan of Christmas, he loved his wife and that was what Christmas eventually became for them: a time of family and love, and that was what mattered. And as long as he had her and their children, nothing else mattered.

“You kids’ ready for your surprise!” Bruce asked, the two boys jumping up and down as he gave them the gift to open.

The two boys ripped the wrapping paper to shreds, like two lions ripping into a gazelle, and to their glee, declared, “It’s an Elf on The Shelf!”

Damian immediately looked at his father and shook his head. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“It’s what they wanted,” Bruce smiled.

“I mean, if nothing else, now I don’t have to buy the stupid thing… and they’re happy,” he added under his breath. His children may have driven him crazy from time to time, but he loved them more and genuinely wanted them to be happy in life.

“I still can’t believe you allow them to partake in this foolishness.”

“Shut up, Mother,” Damian replied, to her shock.

“And you wonder why I never married you,” Bruce mumbled under his breath.

“Excuse me?” Talia glared.

“Nothing... You wanna get a drink after this?"

Damian shook his head; sadly he knew his parents loved each other on some strange level, but was grateful his relationship with Raven was nothing like theirs. And in that moment, he knew he couldn’t pass up his opportunity. He stepped to the Christmas tree and pulled a small box out he’d hidden on the mantle.

“I was going to wait until Christmas to do this, but… I don’t know, now feels like the right time,” he said and got down on one knee.

“What are you doing?”

“Reliving the best decision I ever made.” He opened the box, revealing Raven’s original engagement ring he’d had reset with her wedding bands. “Raven, my beloved wife, will you marry me... again?”

Raven looked around at the life they’d built together. Was it perfect? No, but that’s what made it so meaningful and worth living together. And at the end of the day, she had her husband to lean on. Whether it was his mother degrading her out of jealousy that she led a life she never had with his father, or days she felt like the world was out to get her. Her husband may have had his flaws, but he loved her more than anything, and she could more than feel it when he gathered her up in his arms.

“If I had to do it all again, I would… yes,” she replied with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face.

Damian slipped the new gold ring on her finger and rose to meet her in a loving kiss. Alfred politely clapped with a smile; he never thought in a million years that Damian would be the one to have such a well adjusted family. Also, recalling that it wasn’t easy for him to get there and without Raven (or her patience), he may have never become the man he had. It was then he knew he had to give a toast.

“I know I don’t say this enough, but I cannot begin to say how happy I am for the both of you, but more so Master Damian. When he first showed up in his father’s charge, he was, at best, an insufferable lad with a bratty sense of self entitlement that I not only DID NOT care for, but resented. Needless to say, he was my least favorite Robin…”

“Watch it, Pennyworth?”

“My point exactly,” Alfred sang and continued. “However, throughout the years, that changed. That selfish, angry boy that once sulked the halls of Wayne Manor met a young lady and she helped him understand what trust and friendship meant. And through each other’s patience and guidance, you both grew and together have become a solid unit. I am forever grateful to whatever force in the universe brought you together. Congratulations!”

Raven with a tear in her eye, wrapped her arms of around the old butler and thanked him: Alfred the grandfather she never had. While Bruce and Damian also shared a rare hug.

“I’m really proud of you,” his father whispered briefly.

“Let’s not get overly emotional,” Damian replied, but let his facade break. “But I appreciate it, thank you.”

Talia not going as far, as "overly emotional" meant finding someone’s head in your bed God Father style, because no one fucks with that bitch and lives to not regret it, but that is far besides the point. There might be a story there. I’ll let you be the judge; if so send me the head canon: I’m open. Anyhow, with my rant over for the time, Talia, in her stoic manner, let Raven know she approved of her… over other choices?

“Congratulations dear, I would like to take this moment to just say that I know I’m hard on you, but it’s only because I realize that I could have been far more present as a mother and well… I really am happy you’re married to my son… Especially given the narrow options I could have been faced with. I don’t know where Damian would be if he ended up with that righteous blonde, or the one with the bad makeup?”

“Thank you, Talia,” Raven replied, though she was struggling to understand if it really was a compliment or a consolation admission. Like: Uh she’s nice enough; at least she doesn't dress like every regret her father ever had... Or as Jason referred to the fling: Damian’s I hate my mom and dad phase!

“At least Raven has yet to awaken to a severed head in her bed,” Damian smiled as he looked back at his loving wife, never wanting to be without her.

“And I plan on keeping it that way.” Which Talia much appreciated, as serving one’s head was a timely process, plus then you gotta get rid of the rest of the body, but we’re not gonna go into that.

Later that night they put their kids to bed, but not before placing the long awaited (trust me, you can wait) Elf on its prospective shelf. Where it would inevitably move from under the cover of night and find a new shelf… Seriously, whoever came up with this I hope your soul burns in Hell. Like really? How am I ever gonna remember that shit?

“That thing is so creepy,” Damian mused over his wine as the Elf’s soulless eyes peered through him. Leading him to realize how much he hated dolls.

“Yeah it’s definitely not anything I’d want to find on my nightstand.”

“I don’t understand why kids like it so much.”

“They probably think it’s cute,” Raven dismissed, and she nestled against her husband’s chest.

“So when do you want to do our vow renewal?”

“Not Christmas,” Raven laughed. “I’d like a day when we can focus on ourselves and not everything else.”

“Yeah, I definitely didn’t think about that,” Damian hummed, not realizing their anniversary would be shared with so many holiday events it was hard for them to even think of themselves on their own anniversary. “So Christmas in July?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Raven replied. “I can’t wait to pick out my own wedding dress that you’re not gonna be allowed to see and that I’m not gonna be knocked up wearing.”

“That second part can still change.”

“Or you could just get a vasectomy,” Raven said dryly. “I mean you still have two more weeks before Christmas there’s still time?”

Damian chuckled recalling the week prior when he asked his wife what she wanted for Christmas. “You getting a vasectomy.”

“Very funny, Beloved.”

“You’re the only one laughing.”

“I’m just gonna get you a tennis bracelet,” he smiled pulling back from the memory. Though he was realizing that three kids was enough. “But who knows, maybe I’ll surprise you.”

Raven rolled her eyes, unsure which direction that comment was meant to go. “Just remember you have to send these little terrorists to college.”

“Let’s see if they make it that far, I mean I’ve died several times at this point.”

“Yet here you are.”

“Hey, I told you Beth’s struggle is real. I could very well be a clone?”

“Well whether or not you’re a clone, I still love you… Even if Death herself will not have you, you are that insufferable.”

“Yet you suffer me just fine,” he grinned.

“I’m well trained in that matter,” she teased up at him. “That’s why I’m Mrs. Damian Wayne.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way." He pulled her lips to his and took her in a tender and long awaited embrace. She was very much a part of him, a part he couldn’t live without that made him whole. Not just as a man, but a person. For a time he feared he wasn’t good enough for her, that he was not capable, and undeserving of that sort of love. It didn’t matter that she was his closest friend, his fear of losing her kept them apart for many years. But in the end, their bond prevailed and nothing could keep them apart… well nothing but maybe their own children.

“What are you guys doing?” asked the voice of a suspicious child.

Damian and Raven stopped mid kiss and glanced over at the peering eyes of the sons: Liam with his arms crossed disapprovingly, much like his father, and Rami with his stuffed puppy named Titus after their late dog. Yes, unfortunately Titus passed away because Great Danes have really short life spans. But you should know he led a full life and lived to the ripe old age of 12, which is ancient for a great Dane. We should also note that Damian still isn’t ready to get another dog, but regrets letting Raven get a cat... Especially after what it did to the Christmas Tree.

“Nothing either of you need to be privy to,” Damian replied with contempt.

“We’re just hugging, Sweetie,” Raven added.

Liam’s stare hardened in a way that reminded Damian of himself and knew he'd resent whatever came out of his mouth. “Last time you guys hugged like that, Mother ended up with Ari in her belly.”

Raven could feel the deep shade of red bloom on her face as Damian inwardly said, Sometimes I could kill my own children.

“What are you two doing out of bed?” he asked out loud.

“We wanna see the elf move,” Rami said from behind his stuffed puppy.

“Aww,” Raven giggled as this display was actually adorable.

“That’s not how it works,” Damian said with an eyes roll, annoyed, but begrudgingly heart warmed as well. “It only moves while you’re asleep.”

“Can’t we outsmart it?” Liam asked.

“No.”

“But it’s an elf, how smart can it be?”

“It’s not smart, it’s magic,” Damian droned, “Now go back to bed before the elf tells Santa to bring both of you nothing but coal.”

“He wouldn’t really do that?” Liam challenged with doubtful scowl.

“You wanna find out?” his father threatened.

They didn’t answer and bolted back to their beds as Raven and Damian followed to tuck them in. It was then their father told them of the time he’d received coal for Christmas and that he had the photographic to prove it. Thanks Father.

Once the children were tucked safely in their beds with the door closed, Raven and Damian returned to the couch where they sat with a plop.

“Sometimes I could kill our own children,” Raven sighed and sipped her wine.

“I second that notion,” Damian replied, glaring at the elf who’s invasive stare seemed to be undressing them. “That thing is unsettling.”

“Yeah, the more I drink the creepier it gets,” she noted as Damian rose from the coach. “What are you doing?”

“Moving the elf.”

Raven watched as her husband turned the elf around so as not to face them any longer. Only to turn with a smirk on his face. “I like the way you think, Wayne.”

“Of course you do, that’s why we’re married.”

“Don’t get too full of yourself,” Raven chuckled as he made his way back to the couch.

“Funny, since you’re the one who’s about to be full of me,” he snickered, giving her a warm kiss.

“You really just said that?” Raven laughed as her husband crawled on top of her and laid a trail of hot kisses down her neck.

“I did, and I regret nothing,” he purred in her ear.

“Me either.”

And on that note, I’ll leave you with goodnight and Happy Holidays to all… Also fuck whoever created Elf on Shelf: You SUCK!

88 notes · View notes

ragingbookdragon · 4 years ago

Text

All Secrets Come Out In Good Time

A Bruce Wayne x Reader One-Shot

Word Count: 3.6K Warnings: Explicit Language, Angst

Author's Note: I wrote this a long ass time ago, but never posted it to Tumblr, so here's an actual new story! Enjoy! -Thorne

She wondered what life would’ve been like for her had she never signed her contract with Wayne Enterprises. Maybe living retired and off the savings of her modeling career, sipping margaritas at the local beach bar without a care in the world? She huffed as she poured another glass of wine thinking, probably not sitting on my couch with a broken heart. The feelings still lingered, churning slowly into bitterness that made her feel ashamed.

She knew how busy his life was, especially with his nightly activities. But somewhere deep down, she wanted him to give her the real reason behind their departure, instead of the “It’s not you, it’s me” bullshit line he’d given her. Still, the reality of it was thrown in her face, and here she was on her couch, drowning her sorrows in wine he’d bought her.

Her mind lingered on the memories of them, and with those memories, came the questions. Did he actually love her? Did he love her the way she loved him? Did any of the time they shared in those two years mean anything? It did to her—she loved him. Hell, she loved his children like they were her own too.

Something warm fell on her hand and she looked down, seeing a droplet of water resting on the back of it. She blinked and her vision blurred as more tears began to fall from her eyes. Her hands moved to her face, wiping furiously, but no matter how many times she did, they kept falling, and she found herself falling deeper into heartbreak.

***Two Years Earlier***

She stepped into the ballroom, taking note of the eyes that immediately found her; she paid them no mind as she made her way deeper into the crowds, occasionally greeting her fellow models and higher-ups. The crowd seemed to part for her as she passed, making her feel like royalty, and she flashed them the million-watt smile she had perfected so long ago.

A few moments later, a warm hand brushed her arm and she looked up, seeing her employer smiling at her; she gave him one in return. “It’s good to see you, (Y/N). You look gorgeous.”

She hummed, feeling her cheeks warm at the compliment he’d given her. “Thank you, Mister Wayne.” She ran a hand down the silk fabric of the shimmering, black gown. “The dress is the new one the company has been designing.”

He eyed her dress and quipped, “Then it’s good that we had you model it for us.” He leaned in, his smile turning flirtatious. “You look absolutely beautiful in it.”

(Y/N) looked away, a bashful smile crossing her lips. “Mister Wayne, you’re just flattering me.”

He hummed, a small chuckle passing from him. “Maybe…is it working?”

She glanced back at him and after a second, she nodded. “It is.”

“Wonderful.” He motioned to her. “May I escort you around? I didn’t see you come in with anyone.”

(Y/N) nodded, watching as his arm fit around her waist, and she felt his hand brush her hip. They walked around, greeting the other socialites, when a pair made their presence known in front of them.

“Mister Wayne! Sir! It’s good to see you at the party.”

(Y/N) could feel his hand tense ever-so-slightly, and she saw him flash a fake smile. “Well Henry, this is my party.” The man laughed, and his wife smiled at (Y/N); she could feel the loathing from her spot.

“You’re that new model that just signed with Mister Wayne, aren’t you, Miss…”

She bit the inside of her cheek and smiled as she nodded. “(Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N). And yes, I am.”

The woman eyed her before quipping humorlessly, “I didn’t know they let…older women model in the company.”

The insult practically smacked (Y/N) across the face and before she could stop it, she bit out, “And I didn’t know they let bitter old harpies with pathetic grudges into parties that were meant for companies that weren’t in bankruptcy.”

The woman’s jaw went slack at her response, and the man beside her stepped forward. “How dare you speak to my wife like that?! How dare you assume our company is in debt?!”

(Y/N) simply blinked as she stared at him. “Because it is, Mister Brighton.” She gathered her thoughts. “Your company has lost more in the past six months than it has since it’s decline in the early nineties. Your best bet would be to try and get Mister Wayne to make a deal that would save your company.”

She glowered at the older couple, her voice hardening as she declared, “Don’t let my age fool you. I might be older than many of the models Wayne Enterprises hires, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a brain. I’ll have you know I graduated valedictorian at my high school and my university. I’ve modeled all my life. Wayne Enterprises started a line for women in my age group and I was offered a job. Do I need to explain anything else to you? Or have your behaviors been apparent enough?”

The two of them stuttered out responses before they excused themselves, shuffling away as fast as they could. (Y/N) watched them as they left, then her eyes moved to the man still beside her.

Her eyes widened in shock as she realized he was still there. “Oh my. You—I—oh dear.” She blinked as she tried to apologize to him. “I am so sorry, Mister Wayne. I—I just got—”

“Carried away in the absolute decimation of someone who insulted you?” She paused at his words, taking in the sight of the grin working its way on his face. “I have to say, seeing you shove that back in their face was…pretty entertaining(Y/N).”

She huffed a laugh at his words, shaking her head. “You’re something else, Mister Wayne.”

He grinned, tightening his grip on her waist. “I find I’m just enough for what’s needed.”

“Uh huh,” she doubted with an arched brow.

He winked. “I am.”

“I’ll take your word for it then.” She replied jokingly.

***A Few Months Later***

“You know, I never actually expected you to fly us to the Swiss Alps.” She turned around from the large window, watching as he reclined on the couch.

“And why didn’t you expect me to?”

She shrugged as she walked around the couch, leaning over the back, and wrapping her arms around his neck; she rested her chin on his shoulder and turned her face to him. “Dunno…just kinda mentioned it offhandedly. I never thought you’d take me so seriously, Bruce.”

He smiled at her response, turning his head so they were face to face. “I take everythingseriously, (Y/N).”

She nodded. “That you do.” (Y/N) leaned forward, pressing her lips to his lightly, then she rested her forehead against his. They stared at one another until she whispered, “I love you.”

He blinked, obviously shocked at her open admittance, but he soon recovered, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek as he replied, “I love you too, (Y/N).” She smiled at him, then pressed her face into his neck; he chuckled at her. “Embarrassed?”

“Oh,shut up…it’s not every day you tell the man you love that you love him, and he does the same.”

There was a moment of silence, then she felt her body being tugged, and she realized he was pulling her over the side of the couch. She tumbled into his lap, and his arms wound around her waist, pulling her close. (Y/N) relaxed against him, then she felt his lips press light kisses into her neck. She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder, and she felt his lips stop.

As they moved away, he asked, “Are you alright, (Y/N)?”

She turned and looked at him, feeling her heart flutter in her chest. “I’m just really glad that you and I are here…together.”

Bruce smiled down at her, cupping her cheek. “Me too.”

***A Year Later***

She opened the door, seeing him stand on the other side; she smiled at him and gestured him in. “You know, when I gave you the key, Bruce, I meant for you to use it.” She expected a laugh from him, but none came, and she tipped her head to the side. “Are you alright? You look tense.”

He nodded, taking off his coat and hanging it on the coat rack. “I’m fine…just thinking, (Y/N).”

“Is it anything you want to talk about?”

He paused, meeting her eyes, then they drifted to the table, and he saw the dinner she’d prepared for them. “After dinner.”

(Y/N) wanted to keep the conversation, but she decided against it, and nodded. “Alright then.” She wrapped an arm around his and led him into the kitchen. “Since you called on short notice, I assumed you had something important to tell me, so…” She motioned to the food. “I made your favorite.”

A small smile graced his lips and he looked at her. “Thank you, (Y/N).”

She nodded, grabbing the bottle of wine as she watched him sit. “Of course, Bruce. I love to spoil you.”

***

The dinner went smoothly, and they each told the other about their day, then moved the conversation into the living room. (Y/N) sat on the couch beside him, resting her wine glass on her thigh as she watched him.

She hummed at his silence. “Kinda quiet over there…are you sure everything’s alright?”

He looked at his hands, then let out a sigh, and (Y/N) held her breath, waiting for him to finally tell her the secret she’d known for the longest time. It had been by chance that she’d learned his secret identity, and everyone would say blame it on Dick, who saw her and immediately said, “Hey it’s mom!”. Quite the running joke between his kids, who had essentially bonded with her over the year and a half that Bruce and she had been dating. She made them promise not to tell Bruce about her knowing, her telling them “It’s not our secret to tell, it’s his. And I need to hear it from him when he’s ready.”.

(Y/N) thought back to that time, and reached out a hand, taking his gently as she murmured, “Whatever you need to tell me, I’m listening Bruce. And I won’t judge you.”

He sighed once more, pulling his hand away and reaching into his pocket; he pulled something out and held it out, saying, “I think I should give this back to you.”

(Y/N) eyes moved to the item in his hand, and she felt her breath leave her lungs at the sight of the silver key in between his fingers. “I…I don’t understand?”

He shut his mouth, putting the key on the coffee table beside them as he said, “It’s not anything you’ve done, (Y/N). I just think we need to see other people.”

She blinked, not understanding where it was coming from. “But I…I thought…” (Y/N) couldn’t form the words she needed to tell him, and he rose from the couch.

“I think I should go.”

She jumped up, following him. “You can’t just leave, Bruce! You can’t just leave it like this!”

He stopped as he grabbed his jacket, turning to her. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your sorry! I want your real reason!”

“I gave you—”

She cut him off, scoffing, “Oh, that’s a load of bullshit and we bothknow it!” (Y/N) stepped forward, winding her hands in his shirt. “We’ve been dating for almost two years. You can’t look at me and tell me that we need to see other people. There’s something going on.”

“Just talk to me. Talk to me, Bruce,” she pled with him.

His hands rose from his side and he gently took hers in his, removing them from his shirt. “I’m sorry.”

She blinked, too stunned to even say a word as he apologized once more and left her standing in the entrance of her apartment, alone and heartbroken.

***Present***

He pulled off the cowl and sank into the chair in front of the Batcomputer; a bottle of water appeared in his view and he took it, looking up at Alfred. “Thanks Alfred.”

The butler nodded, handing out the other bottles to everyone around them. A joke between them made them laugh, and he watched them, a small smile crossing his lips.

He watched Jason nudge Dick and nod to him. “Is hell freezing over, or is the old man actually smiling at us?” The others looked over and he watched eyebrows raise in slight surprise.

It irked him, and he quipped, “Just because I don’t smile often doesn’t mean I can’t smile.”

“Are you sure? Kinda looks like your face is cracking over there, B.”

Bruce rolled his eyes at Dick’s comment, and he stood up, stretching his arms over his head as he made his way to the lockers. They followed, and each began peeling off their suits and pulling on after clothes.

“You know what would be good right now?” They looked at Jason who was sitting on the bench. “(Y/N)’s apple pie and homemade sea salt vanilla ice-cream.”

They groaned at his words and Dick looked over at Bruce, who wore a clouded expression. “We never did get the real reason why you ended things with her.” He paused, looking at his brothers. “We liked her. Even Damian did.”

Damian nodded at this and turned to Bruce. “Why did you leave her, father? She was the only tolerable woman you’ve ever brought to the manor.”

Jason reached over and riffled his youngest brother’s hair. “That’s because she didn’t take any of your shit two-bit. She acted like a mom when it came to you.” Damian batted Jason’s hand away, glaring at him; Jason turned to Bruce. “Answer the question, old man. Why’d you run (Y/N) off?”

Bruce sighed, sitting down on the bench, knowing he wasn’t getting out of it; he motioned around him. “Look at what we do. I couldn’t tell her about this. She would’ve run for the hills had I told her.”

Dick raised an eyebrow at him. “So, your choice was to break up with her to keep her sane and safe?” Bruce nodded.

Tim stepped forward, his gaze shifting between the others before turning to back to his father. “Bruce, I don’t know if you know this…but (Y/N) already knows what we do.”

Bruce’s eyes went wide, and he looked up at Tim in shock. “What?”

Tim nodded, motioning to Dick. “Dick accidently called her ‘mom’ one night when we saw her, and she put two and two together.”

Bruce blinked at the revelation; he’d never in a million years assume that she’d learned their secret early. “She…never said anything…”

“That’s because she was waiting for you to tell her,” Jason remarked with a smart-ass glare.

“She…was?”

The others stared expectingly at him and Damian said, “She told us that it was your right to tell her and yours alone.” He paused, looking at him. “You should go to her and apologize.”

Bruce stared at them before nodding and rising from his seat. “I probably should.”

They grinned, following him out when a slightly unnerved Alfred came to them. “Master Bruce…you need to come at once.”

“What’s wrong?”

Alfred motioned up the stairs. “It’s Miss (Y/N). She’s here…and she’s…inebriated.”

Jason barked a laugh, but quickly shut his mouth at the feeling of Dick’s elbow in his side, and they watched Bruce run up the steps to her. They followed, of course, and stuck their heads out of the doorway to see the conversation because they were nosey as hell—though it’s not like they didn’t learn that from their father. Bruce walked over to her, holding out his hands to try and balance her as she wobbled.

She slapped his hands away from her, a glare in her eyes. “Don’t touch me. I can handle myself.” He frowned, lowering his hands and she pointed at him. “I don’t make habits of talking to my exes, but I need to have a conversation with you.” He nodded and she poked his chest. “I want the real reason you dumped me.”

(Y/N) paused, lowering her head as she breathed to herself, “Oh my god, I sound like a crazy ex-girlfriend.” Bruce snorted and she whipped her head up, glowering, “That wasn’t supposed to be funny to you, Mister Wayne.” He shut his mouth and she poked his chest again. “I’ve been waiting patiently for the past two years, waiting for you to tell me your secret, and the night that you tell me we need to talk, I think you’re going to, then you dump me and tell me we need to see other people.”

She grunted at him. “I know you’re Batman and whatever reason you dumped me was a crock of shit and I want the real one. Now.” (Y/N) glared at him until he sighed and nodded, taking her hand, and leading her into the study. On the way, she saw the boys and she waved at them. “Hi boys! I’m sorry I’m in a rare form right now.”

They simply grinned and waved back as they watched them enter the cave. Bruce led her down the steps, at one point having to carry her because she couldn’t take so many close steps.

When they arrived, she stared at it in shock. “I…knew you were him…but…” She twirled around, feeling his hands steadying her as she did. “But it’s so much realer in person.”

Bruce nodded, looking at the cave. “It is, isn’t it.”

(Y/N) turned to him, a heart wrenching look on her face. “Is this the real reason you left me?” He nodded silently and she asked, “Why?”

A moment of silence passed before he sighed and said, “The lives we live are dangerous, (Y/N)…and I…I just didn’t want you to get caught up in all of it.”

She stared at him before quipping, “Duly noted and while I appreciate the sentiment, that wasn’t your decision to make.” She took his hand. “A relationship is based on two people not just one.”

He nodded again and they lapsed into silence until he looked at her and questioned, “Did you really get drunk and come over here to get me to tell you that?”

(Y/N) cleared her throat before pulling back her hand and turning around. “Everyone needs a bit of liquid courage every now and then to face what’s weighing on them.” She glanced at him. “I don’t take half-ass answers from anyone. Not even you.” (Y/N) nodded at him and started making her way to the stairs when she felt him grab her hand again; she turned and looked at him, seeing a hopeful look on his face.

“Stay with me?” he asked.

She grunted at him. “We aren’t dating anymore, remember? You broke up with me like a textbook rich boyfriend does.”

Bruce stopped to her, wrapping an arm around her waist, and pulled her close. “What if I apologize for it?”

She went silent for a second, drawing circles in his chest with her finger, then she looked at him and murmured, “You’re going to have to give me a hell of a night in order to apologize for this. Maybe…behave and do everything I tell you?”

A smirk wound his lips and he flirted, “I think I can manage that.” (Y/N) hummed at him, and he raised a hand, cupping her cheek. “But I think right now, youshould get some sleep before we have it.”

“Hmm…darn shame, I was really looking forward to not walking for a week.” She paused and looked at him. “Does this mean we’re dating again?”

Bruce nodded. “If you’ll have me. I know it’s difficult to be around all of us.”

(Y/N) shrugged. “I don’t think anyone sane could really hold their own in your family.” She paused. “Remember the first time I came over? Damian made me play chess with him.” She waved her hands around. “I still don’t even know how to play chess!” Bruce laughed as he helped her up the stairs. “Bruce, I don’t know how to play chess.”

“I know, darling.”

“I beat him at it.”

“I know you did, darling. He’s still bitter about it.”

“He is?”

“Of course, he is. He’s a perfectionist.”

(Y/N) grinned as she nudged him. “So are you.”

Bruce stopped moving and gazed at her. “I’m sorry, (Y/N).”

She nodded at his apology. “Sorry for coming to your house wine-drunk and demanding a reason for our breakup.”

“Don’t worry…you’re not the first who’s done so.”

“Bruce Wayne!”

He laughed at her shock, and he leaned over, pressing a kiss to her temple. “I was joking, (Y/N).”

She grunted as he led her into the study. “You’d better be.” (Y/N) waved at the boys who were still in the room. “Hi boys! Bye boys!”

They wore amused grins and waved at her as they walked to his bedroom. Bruce helped her out of her clothes and into a t-shirt of his and they crawled into the bed, her curled up on his chest, his arms wound tightly around her.

“You’re warm,” she murmured.

“I know.”

“I missed it.”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

There was a moment of silence then he murmured, “I love you, (Y/N).” He expected a reply, but when he received none, he looked down, seeing her asleep. Bruce huffed a quiet laugh before pressing a kiss to her temple and reaching over to turn out the lamp.

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yakumtsaki · 3 years ago

Photo

Welcome, dear readers, to part 1 of the finale to the BackupKingdom2 saga! We’re in our final ambition now, let’s check how Liz’s post-divorce-bloodbath is going..

Oh yes, excellent. Our path to death-achievement-glory has been paved with so many executions that wherever I look I see npcs crying..

..comforting each other..

..and in Agnes' case, coming straight to Liz to.. ask for mercy for the populace I guess?? Bruh. I can't believe we even brought down AGNES, truly this is the saddest kingdom on earth. Amazing job, Liz, you've definitely earned your place in the tyrant hall of fame!

Now a lesser player would be like "oh, maybe we should chill a little on the insane tyrant thing, finish the Pirate/Noble arc cause we've been dragging this war out so the pirates/guildsmen would keep spawning and it should have ended like 20 quests ago" and true, we could just end it, we ran a very effective operation around here, shoutout to MVPs Donius and Bellinda and their 'seductive' legendary traits:

They bedded them and Liz beheaded them, the power of teamwork! So one could say that we should consider raising kingdom morale now because everyone is so depressed but I think, if anything, now is the time to ramp it up and go for some of the other morally questionable achievements! Like Machiavelli said, you should commit all your atrocities at once! What do you think, Liz? Ready to get atrocious?

-OH FUCK YEA, I’M ENRAGED, I DROPPED MY FIDDLE IN THE PIT AND NOW I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE SERVANT TO GET ME A NEW ONE!! WHY DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME >:(

Aw I’m sorry Liz, but I’m sure you the upcoming suffering of your subjects will cheer you up!

-Ok motherfuckers, by order of the Crown aka ME -you hear that Rae?? ME, NOT YOU. God I want to execute you so bad, fucking ingrate, do you remember what rags you were wearing when I hired you??

Let’s get this back on track, Liz.

-Right, so by order of the Crown, Magus Olivia and Spymaster Spainot are given COMPLETE LEGAL IMMUNITY to do whatever the fuck they want in the interest of earning achievements, so don’t you people come crying to me cause I don’t give one tiny chinchilla crap about your health and livelihoods. If you need me for something actually important, I'll be at the gates, executing anyone who doesn't like my fiddle playing.

-Oh man, this folksy peasant hat isn’t protecting my ears enough.

-THOUGHT I WOULDN’T HEAR YOUR LITTLE MURMUR, DID YOU -YOUR MAJESTY NO I ONLY MEANT MY EARS WERE COLD -WELL ALL OF YOUR BODY’S ABOUT TO BE COLD NOW! CONSTABLE, THROW THIS PEASANT IN THE PIT

-Death marker? I hardly know 'er!

So the Constable npc has this little Billy Elliot subplot going, I'm pretty sure he has the 'drunkard' fatal flaw because he was always at the tavern so I had Bellinda try to hire him to perform in one of her plays just to see what would happen and it actually worked, and now he moonlights as an actor! It's cute but it also takes forever for him to come arrest people.

-THEY LOVE ME ❤️😁 -CONSTABLE WHATSYOURNAME, COME OVER HERE AND DO YOUR FUCKING JOB OR YOU'RE NEXT FOR THE PIT

-No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, when someone dies😢

In the background you can see that Bellinda just got a pregnancy bump, it’s her lovechild with Donius, I for real can’t keep these two apart. Anyway, the time has come..

..to unleash Magus Olivia onto the populace.

-You know what, I'd rather not, this book is finally getting good and I'm sick of cursing peasants, it doesn't even drop their mood that much..

Oh no, Olivia my beloved, we're not cursing them, we're going for the 'Well Done' achievement!

-NO WAY.

WAY.

-Won't I be executed??

You have immunity! You can do whatever you want!! And, AND, once you complete it, because I know it's tiring, I'll give you a magic skeletal parrot as a gift!! Edward got all the materials for it while treasure-hunting, you'd think I'd let him keep it but that's not the kind of shop I'm running here.

-This is my face of pure, childlike happiness!

Good lord, it’s terrifying, please don’t look at me like that.

-Alright, time to roll down my sleeves so they look more sinister and do this thing.

You can do it, Olivia!

-Of course I can, save your reassurance for the flops that need it.

-I.. cast.. INFERNO!

...

-What?

I mean really, those are the words, "I cast inferno"? Can't you say something with more evil magical flair?

-Not when I have to cast it 80 fucking times I can't.

-IT BURNS, IT BURNSSSSS

Oh how the tables have turned, usually it's the witch that gets burned, huhu! Did you hear that, Olivia? Did you like my joke??

-Oh, it's beautiful!

Well it wasn't one of my best-

-Not you, you needy moron, the sight of burning flesh! I can't wait to do this 79 more times!

Alright, so everyone in the tavern has been turned into a chicken nugget, time to get some rest and check in with Spainot!

-Amazing news, Rodolfo, I just got royal permission to unlawfully lock up and interrogate whoever I want for the achievements!!!

-Darling, no offense, but aren't you a bit too shit at your job for that? -WHAT????

-FUCK YOU RODOLFO YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF MY SUCCESS -I WISH I WAS JEALOUS OF YOUR SUCCESS, THEN YOU'D BE SUCCESSFUL AND I WOULDN'T BE MARRIED TO A BROKE LOSER

-And then he says the only reason he hasn't dumped me is he doesn't wanna be a rando npc while Batshit Liz is on an execution spree, can you believe this bullshit? How can anyone be so hurtful??

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NO NO PLEASE DON'T HAVE THIS CHINCHILLA MAUL ME I'LL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT

-How about you give me some marital advice, are you even listening?! Ugh.

That's right, while Olivia is inferno-ing the peasants, I've sicced Spainot on the nobility, specifically all those foreign diplomats that are always hanging in the reception hall, lagging up the place. We're going for the 100 interrogations achievement and we’ve installed a nice spiky torture chair right in the middle of the hall to save time! Now this is how we keep every stratum of society terrified enough to not realize that the person in charge is.. uh.. well you know:

-DANCE TO MY FIDDLE, PIRATE, DANCE!

-I AM!!!!!

-DANCE MORE ENTHUSIASTICALLY. ALL THE WAY TO THE PIT

After a couple days and several locations I feel we’re pretty close to 80 infernos!

I’d say we’ve burned a good 50-60% of the population at this point, everywhere I look I see singed townies-

-so we take this little barbecue to the palace because we’ve ran out of peasants and it’s time to start burning the foreign dignitaries. And it’s a good thing we do, because Olivia meets Nyrexis the Dragon!!!!

Nyrexis is the human form of the dragon from a hilar quest where there’s a dragon in the kingdom and you can either befriend it or slay it, I had Bellinda befriend it:

So if you complete the befriend route of the quest, the human form of the dragon appears in town and is in love with whoever did the quest, in this case Bellinda. I am of course not about to waste Dragonfu on Bellinda’s basic ass, plus I feel Olivia is kind of a dragon with all the people she’s been burning so they have a lot in common!

We dazzle Dragonfu with a coin trick! True magic at work.

-OMG IT WAS BEHIND MY EAR THE WHOLE TIME -I KNOW!

Good God, all of Olivia’s ‘happy’ expressions are terrifying, just don’t smile ever again, you’re too evil for it, you’re gonna scare the dragon away!

Or not!!!!

AWWWWW 🐲❤️🔮

You know what, fuck it, let’s lock it down, when it’s right it’s right!

-Burn stuff with me forever?? -I WILL!!!!

-We are gathered here today, under threat of fiery death, to join two unholy abominations in holy matrimony. Yes, the irony is not lost on me.

AW CONGRATS GUYS <3333 The wizard tower is so small and family un-friendly and Olivia is so unmaternal but come on, like I’m not gonna have her reproduce with a fucking dragon.

Back to Spainot, we’ve hit a slight bump, mainly that this Snordwich lord is proving fucking impossible to torture.

-Um.. Are you enjoying this??? -Sure am, bad boy, but why don’t we take this somewhere more private already?

Wtf, stop sexually harassing the innocent person who’s torturing you! Does no one around here have any sense of humanity anymore??

-Come on, Spainot, throw some flesh-eating rodents at him! -I’M BUILDING UP TO IT, RAE, GAWD. No one likes a back-seat torturer!

-HA, who’s the loser now, Rodolfo? Rodolfo?? RODOLFO

Ya Spai I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m pretty sure he left while you were interrogating, I haven’t seen him in like 3 days.

-WHAT. So Olivia completes one achievement and gets a dragon wife and a magic skeletal bird and I complete three and get dumped?!

Well what do you want from me, I don’t make the rules!

-YES YOU DO

Can we move on, please? And Olivia had a very rough go of it-

-she got burned in some rando quest and looked positively karma-stricken after, inferno-ing left and right while sporting this look! She deserves a magic bird!

Congrats on your success and 4 kids, Olivia!

-I love this skeleton bird more than I thought it possible to ever love something.

-Gee, thanks mom.

We had leftover bones so here, Spainot, you get a magic bird too.

-A bone parrot is little comfort when you’ve lost the only bone that matters! Why Rodolfo, whyyyyy!!!!!!!!!

Oh I don’t know, probably because you challenged him to duels 3 times a day?

-No, that can’t be it.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but you look like a man who has nothing to live for?

-Yea, I certainly don’t.

So you wouldn’t mind like, jumping into the pit multiple times so you can get the parts we need for the hardest achievement in game aka Legendary Doomsword?

-Rodolfo had one of those too, it was legendary and now that it’s gone I’m doomed!!!

Ok ya ENOUGH metaphors about Rodolfo’s absent penis, although they really are writing themselves. We’ll get him back! If you survive all the pit jumping that is. Join us next time for part 2: Legendary Doomsword!

#tsm

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wrenhyperfixates · 4 years ago

Text

The Raven Haired Rebel

Chapter 1

Pairing: Loki x reader Series Summary: After invading New York, it was decided that, as a punishment, Loki would work for SHIELD. Yeah, right. After escaping from their custody and stranded on Midgard, the God of Mischief decides to prove he’s the one thing no one ever thought he was: the good guy. Now a vigilante, Loki attempts to make amends for his past wrongdoings while also evading the Avengers, including their newest member. You. Brought in specially for the case, you notice more and more details about the prince’s story don’t add up. When you get the chance to turn him in, will you listen to your employers or your heart that believes Loki’s done nothing wrong? Chapter Summary: In which you plead Loki’s case. Chapter Warnings: none A/N: Besides this being a miniseries, all the chapters are pretty short too! Hope you enjoy all the same :)

Permanent Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8 @twhiddlestonsstuff @lokistan @lowkeyorlokificrecs @gaitwae @whatafuckingdumbass @castiels-majestic-wings @kozkaboi @cozy-the-overlord @birdgirl90 @myraiswack @mythicalgarlicknot @what-a-flammable-heart @marvelouslovely @laurenandloki @fallinallinmendes @sophlubbwriting @mooncat163

RHR Tag List: @happygalaxymilkshake @electroma89 @stardust-walker @i-would-kneel-for-loki

Masterlist

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

Swiping into Avengers Tower made you feel important, more so than swiping into a SHIELD base. You weren’t exactly sure why, though. Perhaps it was because SHIELD was a secret, and no one knew. Here, the passerby on the street looked on in awe. Or maybe it was because the Tower was so elite. Because so select few got to enter. But really, it probably wasn’t that you got to enter so much as why you got to enter.

True, since your first day on the job, word got around that you were the best in your field. Fast as lightning, you’d risen through the ranks to be Fury’s top tracker, a position all but secured when he brought you on for this case. A case, you knew, that intrigued you far more than it should have.

Just like everyone else had on that day a little over three months ago, you watched the TV with rapt attention as gods and superheroes made themselves known to the world. And, you supposed, supervillains too. Not that you’d told anyone, but something didn’t quite sit right with you in the weeks after when news anchors and colleagues alike were referring to the raven haired god as such.

For the next three days, you’d pored over books of Norse Mythology and a number of studies. Most of the latter coming from one Dr. Jane Foster, who you soon came to link with Thor. But even there you found a disconnect between the god of legends and the bloodied man on your screen. He never really did have malicious intent before. He was a trickster, yes, but he’d not even come close to doing something this drastic before! Ok, yes, there was his involvement in Ragnarök in the myths, but even for that you’d found multiple sources that could debunk it. Besides, it certainly didn’t seem like Asgard had even faced the end times yet.

Alas, you figured Thor knew his brother, and you had your own case to work on, so you let be the mystery that was Loki.

And then you were called into Fury’s office a week ago and asked to begin tracking the god. A bit too eagerly, you’d agreed to take the case. You’d dealt with villains before, truly evil people, and your search only further proved what deep down you already knew; Loki was not one. Everywhere you followed his trail, a mysterious savior was stopping bank robberies and saving people from burning buildings and runaway trains. Not to mention there were multiple descriptions of said savior using green magic. It seemed a wonder that the tracker in the case before you hadn’t noticed. Then again, people tend to only see what they want to.

Regardless, you made your way to the elevators, heading toward the conference room on one of the upper floors. You tapped your foot as it ascended, impatient to share your findings. As the lift stopped and you got out, you tugged on your leather jacket. It was ever so slightly too big, but it was on sale. Plus, you felt like it looked pretty cool, considering your job and all. Subconsciously, you puffed up your chest a bit too. Regardless of actual size, you felt like a petite little thing, stepping into a room of now renowned heroes. Strange, you thought, how so much could change in just three months.

“You know, I got to get me one of those,” said the man suddenly keeping pace next to you. You quickly identified him as Tony Stark.

“I... Pardon?” you replied, slightly startled.

“Your jacket,” he said, pointing at it. “I feel like the leather will match the whole rugged good-guy, vibe. Besides, I think Capsicle’s got one.”

You chuckled at that. “Maybe we should just make it the team uniform then.”

“Team, huh? So you must be that new tracker kid we’re working with.”

“I’d hardly call myself a kid,” you scoffed.

“When you get to be as rich as I am, you get to call everyone a kid,” Tony shrugged.

“I’m not exactly sure that’s how it works, but whatever you say, I guess,” you chuckled again.

“See, now if everyone would just adopt that mindset, we’d get stuff done a lot faster around here.” He quickly signed something that was brought up to him on a clipboard, never stopping. You wondered how long he could keep up like this before collapsing. “Besides, take it as a compliment. That last tracker was some fuddy-duddy old guy.”

“Fuddy-duddy?” you guffawed. “Maybe you’re the old one, after all.”

Tony feigned like he’d been struck in the heart. But before you could keep up the banter, you reached the conference room, and Steve was waving you inside.

“Stark,” he said with a nod. “Are you ready to begin or are you going to keep distracting our new teammate?”

“Aye aye, Captain,” he said with a little salute. “Reporting for duty.”

You mouthed a sorry as you followed Stark into the room. Even if the rest of them turned out to be hard-asses, at least Tony was fun. And having one ally was better than none, you figured. As you took your seat across from your new friend, you flipped through the file that had been left for you. It wasn’t really anything new, so you glanced at your teammates again. Nat and Clint both nodded at you, recognizing you from a couple other missions you’d interacted during. There wasn’t really any time to talk, however, before Captain Rogers was walking to the head of the long table.

“Alright, team. Before we get started, I think it’s worth mentioning we have a new member on the team,” Steve said, before welcoming you by name. “I think we’re all caught up on the situation here, so let’s dive right in. A new trend has shown up in the Tower’s data mining.”

“Data analysis,” Tony butt in. “It sounds more ethical that way.”

“Whatever you want to call it, the program showed that wherever Loki goes, there’s a spike in activity of an organization calling themselves AIM. At first glance they seem innocent, but after some digging, we’ve found they’re anything but. We’ve determined Loki is working with them, perhaps even masterminding some of their more underground projects. Agent? Can we assume you found the same things?”

“Uh, yeah, no. Actually, my data shows the opposite,” you cleared your throat. Standing, you slid the information from your tablet onto the room’s TV screen. “See, it seems that he’s actually doing good deeds. There are multiple accounts of a man fitting Loki’s description performing heroic works.”

“Ok, I’ll bite,” Tony said, leaning forward. “What about AIM then? You think it’s a coincidence.”

You bit your lip. “I’ll admit, I haven’t found anything about them yet. But... maybe, just maybe, Loki’s showing up where they are because he’s trying to stop them.”

“I am so sorry to interrupt, but that does not sound like the Loki I know at all,” Thor laughed. “A wonderful joke, though.”

Now you were getting mad. You shouldn’t be, but you saw something worth defending in Loki. A lot, actually. There was something about that look in his eye that you couldn’t quite read, but it was telling you something was wrong all the same.

“That’s not fair! Maybe you don’t know him as well as you thought. Look at this,” you said, swiping to show a side by side of Loki during and after the fight. “You can see it by the look on his face; something was seriously wrong during the battle. Plus, I’ve seen videos of him when he first came; he was not alright. Afflicted with severe anxiety and what looks like burn marks, I’d say. He needed help.”

“With all due respect,” Clint chimed in, “aren’t your a tracker, not a psychologist?”

“Yes, but as such I’ve been trained to look at all the details. Not just what’s convenient.”

“Listen,” Steve sighed before things got any more heated. “It’s a great theory and all, but you read Thor’s account of everything that happened before this. So, until we get some solid evidence proving otherwise, we’re going to have to stick with what we already know. We’ll put a pin in the AIM thing until you can take a look, though. Ok?”

“Ok,” you agreed, defeatedly taking your seat again.

You looked around the table. Natasha and Bruce, the only two who hadn’t said anything, both looked kind of pensive. Alright, maybe bewildered was the better word for Bruce. He was smart, no doubt about it, but you got the impression he wasn’t very good in social settings. Then there was Clint and Thor, both who seemed a little skeptical of you. At least Thor seemed to be considering his brother’s innocence at least a little. Steve was a bit more unreadable as he continued to prattle on about what you already “knew” for the case. And then there was Tony, who seemed more impressed than anything else. He, at least, had seemed to genuinely consider what you said. Perhaps he still was.

“The best way to solve this,” Steve closed his spiel, “is to bring him in. Agent, have you located him yet?”

You sighed. Deeply. It shouldn’t be this much of a struggle to present your findings. You’d had no trouble speaking on his behalf. Yet a part of you—an alarmingly large part, you realized—didn’t want to turn him in. But who were you to ignore direct orders?

“Yup,” you conceded, pulling up a map with a blinking red dot, marking Loki’s location.

“Well then, team,” Steve said to the group. “Let’s roll out.”

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 4 years ago

Text

By My Side (Part 9)

Summary: The reader and Jensen have a relaxing afternoon where they discuss their future with one another...

Masterlist

Pairing: Bodyguard!Jensen x reader

Word Count: 2,000ish

Warnings: language

A/N: Please enjoy the final part! I had a lot of fun with this series!

_________

One Month Later

“Hey Mikey,” you called from the hammock you were sharing with Jensen in the backyard. He popped his head up from one of the patio loungers, his head deep in a legal brief. “Don’t you have a date tonight?”

“She’s coming over later for the party,” he said, going back to work.

“Did you clear that with head of security?” asked Jensen.

“Head of security can suck my dick,” said Michael as he flipped a page.

“Suck your own. I set you up on this date you know,” you said.

“Ah, this is what I missed,” said your dad as he sat at the table playing a game of chess against Chuck.

“If you can imagine they were worse as teenagers,” said Chuck, moving a piece. “You were planning to have more, weren’t you?”

“We were discussing it. Y/N kept asking for siblings,” he said. “Glad she found some.”

“They never got on very well until recently,” said Chuck.

“Dysfunctional family is kind of our thing,” said Michael, reviewing another paper. Your mom took a sip of her drink, giving Brian a smile. You saw him go to hold her hand under the table but he hesitated, your mom taking his anyways. She rested her feet over Chuck’s lap and you shook your head.

“They’re so loud,” you mumbled to Jensen. You curled into his chest and he gave your waist a light squeeze.

“They’re alright,” he murmured against your neck. “Wait until you meet my family.”

“God I hope they aren’t crazy like mine,” you said.

“No one’s quite at that level,” he chuckled. “They’re not crazy. Just...odd.”

“Your family or mine?”

“Probably both,” he said. “Want to go for a walk before the party?”

“Sure,” you said. You both rolled out of the hammock and said you’d be back soon, Jensen taking your hand as you walked to the front of the house. A car pulled up at the new gate and you let it in, smiling as you saw Nick and his friend climb out of the car.

“How was the flight?” you asked as he stretched out.

“Good. This is Spencer. Spence, Y/N and her boyfriend bodyguard, Jensen,” said Nick.

“Nice meeting you guys,” he said. “Nick says you’re why Y/N’s dad is back in the picture?”

“Something like that,” said Jensen. “We’re gonna take a quick walk but feel free to show Spencer around the house or take a dip in the pool.”

“We’ll start cooking in about an hour but snack on whatever you like,” you said. You and Jensen gave them a quick wave before you were walking down the street, Doug whistling from his driveway.

“You two kids staying out of trouble?” he asked.

“Only the bad kind,” said Jensen. “See you and the girls at the party in a bit.”

You hummed as you walked, Jensen squeezing your hand when a car went past.

“Your bodyguard rules are a tad conflicting you know,” you said, smiling at him. “Put you between me and a vehicle but if we’re walking on a city street, put myself closer to the street and you closer to alleyways.”

“Not confusing at all. You stay away from the danger,” he said. “I let you slide on some stuff.”

“I have sex with you, Ackles.”

“I know and I wanna keep doing that so I let you slide,” he teased. He bopped your nose and you laughed, slowing down a bit as you hit the quiet stretch of road with lots of trees around. “I was talking to Chuck earlier. He no longer hates me.”

“See? I told you he’d come around.”

“Strong disdain was now in play,” said Jensen. “I still can’t believe I fucked up like that.”

“Well first off, Chuck doesn’t have the high and mighty card to play. His own sons thought for a split second he was capable. Even mom.”

“How’d the family therapy session go this week?” he asked.

“Okay. The boys all cried. Mom and I aren’t gonna go unless they ask us to anymore. Everyone seems okay,” you said.

“Your dad and Chuck are getting along pretty good now,” he said.

“I don’t know what those three are going to do, honestly. She loves them both still.”

“Sometimes love isn’t enough,” said Jensen.

“I disagree with that sentiment. Sometimes you have to choose if love is more important than other things, things that might be just as vital as love. But I don’t agree that loving someone alone isn’t enough,” you said.

“Quite a hopeless romantic you are,” he said. He threw his arm over your shoulders and kissed the top of your head. “Anyone in particular you’re loving these days?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” you said with a shrug. Your face felt hot, Jensen slowing his walk to almost a crawl.

“I’m not afraid of you running off on me,” he said. “Not after everything.”

“Good cause you’re important to me,” you said.

“That what we’re calling it?” he said, your arm sliding around his back, hand settling on his waist.

“Shut up,” you said, resting your head against his shoulder. You snuggled him for a brief moment before you started walking again, Jensen’s hand grazing your cheek.

“You’re important to me too,” he said quietly.

“Okay,” you said. You smiled and you both moved your arms so you could go back to holding hands, Jensen taking his baseball cap off his head and putting it on backwards on your own.

“Can I tell you about what happened to me sometime?” he asked. You turned your head towards him, Jensen shrugging. “You know...the not so great stuff with Hall and all that.”

“Always. I’d never tell a soul,” you said.

“It’s probably not as horrible as whatever you’ve dreamed up in your head,” he said. “But I don’t want you to worry about it anymore. I’m not so scared of you changing your mind about me if you hear it now.”

“I just want to be able to help you the way you’ve helped me,” you said. “That’s what we do.”

“True. I’m still your bodyguard though,” he chuckled.

“Yeah but that’s like an assumed role with you being my boyfriend anyways. I feel like you’ll always be my bodyguard,” you said.

“Always?” he asked. “Always doesn’t sound so bad.”

“You know what I mean,” you said.

“I know,” he said. “A man can dream though.”

“When we met, what was your gut reaction?”

“Within half an hour of meeting you, I wanted to quit. I knew...I knew there was this something that I don’t know what it was, it just really wanted to know you and make sure you stayed safe. I didn’t think I could do both effectively.”

“So we were both a bit mean to hide things.”

“Well, you are kinda a sassy client. You don’t always listen to me like the time you nearly got a concussion,” he said, bumping your shoulder with a laugh.

“Excuse me but I escaped, not you, and I saved your perky little ass,” you said.

“Oh so you did notice it’s perky,” he said. You rolled your eyes but giggled, Jensen kissing your temple again. “Maybe you can be my bodyguard too.”

“That sounds fun,” you said. “I’m not wearing a suit though.”

“You could just wear what I do.”

“One of your shirts?”

“Yeah, just that’s good,” he said, chuckling as you lightly smacked his chest. “To be honest, I hate the suits. I prefer the laid back look.”

“I prefer anything where I get to see more skin,” you said. “But that does bring up a point I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Yes?”

“If I wanted you to stay on as a bodyguard...for like work and events moreso cause at home I think boyfriend Jensen could handle that job, would you still work for me?” you asked.

“I’d do it for free,” he said. You cocked your head and he shrugged. “I’m serious.”

“Well I’m still gonna pay you. I just wasn’t sure if you wanted something more...exciting,” you said.

“I’m good with quiet. You still have your fair share of crazies out there. Like the stalker guy,” he said, your eyes wide. “I’m joking.”

“Why do I feel like you’re not?” you asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “You’re safe.”

“Never thought I wasn’t,” you said. “Jensen.”

“Yes?”

“Do you want to get away this weekend? Somewhere quiet before I start filming my movie next month?” you asked.

“Yeah. I’d like that,” he said. “After our epic party tonight of course.”

“It’s not gonna be epic,” you said. “It’s like fifty people max.”

“No, it’ll be epic,” he said. “Cause I got you a present you’re gonna love.”

“Tease. What is it?”

“If you must know,” he said as he pulled out his phone. He handed it to you and tapped the screen, scrolling for a minute before he got where he wanted.

“Plane tickets? For tomorrow to the Maldives?” you asked. “How...Jensen you can’t afford this. You have to let me pay for-”

“Oh, honey. I haven’t paid my own rent, utilities, food in a very long time. That plus these hot shot hollywood types and their fancy contracts? I’m better off than you think I am,” he said. “You like, legit saved my life and made me as happy as I’ve ever been and I just want to take my girl on vacation to a place she’s always wanted to go.”

“Fine but only cause I really want to go with you,” you said.

“I knew I’d win you over,” he said.

“You did that a while ago,” you said, a guy walking past on the other side of the street. Jensen took his phone back and glanced over his shoulder once he was gone. “A pap again?”

“Yup,” he said, sending a text off to Jake. “Oh wait. I forgot to do my favorite part.”

He turned around with you and let out a loud whistle, the guy spinning around.

“You do know last guy we caught in the neighborhood we got arrested, right?” called out Jensen. The man paused but kept staring. “I see one photo or your ass around again, we’re gonna have problems.”

“He’s really a sweetheart!” you said. “Probably want to get out of here before we come back around though. He’s a tad protective.”

The man walked a bit faster, Jensen chuckling as you both watched him slip in a car and head for the entrance out of the neighborhood.

“Ah, I love doing that,” he said. “I am a sweetheart, aren’t I.”

“Yes, yes you are,” you said. He squeezed your hand and you looked around, not spotting anything out of the ordinary. “What?”

“That one’s just for me,” he said. He kissed your lips, pulling back with a big smile. You kissed his cheek, breaking off and kissing his lips, cupping his face.

“That one’s for me,” you said.

“Better do it again, just in case,” he said.

“Whatever you say, Mr. Bodyguard.”

_______

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