#‘if she’s a lesbian why does she fuck Sam’ it’s sam. next question.

[quietwingsinthesky]

a fact of this au to me is that Ruby is a lesbian and her interest is in Anna and Sam exclusively and she puts up with Dean and Cas for their sake. especially Dean.

[legless-fish-on-rollerskates]

All the morons trying to claim that Dean wasn't saying anything to Cas because he was holding back slurs or something equally ridiculous... what show have you been watching? Surely not Supernatural. Like, yeah, Dean had some internalized shit for a while (mostly cause of how he was raised, let's be real), but this isn't season fucking one. Dean's in his goddamn forties now guys.

But you still think Dean Winchester is homophobic? Let's examine the evidence then, shall we?

1. Aaron Bass: Dean was flustered because he's not used to being hit on by dudes, but he was completely respectful. And he was alone, too. It wasn't like he was trying to "hide his homophobia" from Sam. He could've said whatever he wanted in that moment without anyone ever knowing, and he chose to awkwardly walk backward and wish Aaron a nice day. Then later, when they're working with him, Dean says nothing about it (other than a quick "he was my gay thing" to Sam), doesn't make it weird, and talks to him exactly the same way he would talk to anyone else.

2. Jesse and Ceasar: Dean's surprised when he realizes that they're married, again because he's not really used to it and so he made the wrong assumptions (which I will point out is really really normal, it happens all the time even between queer people, because heteronormativity is very much a thing in real life). But what does he do when he finds out? He asks them about their marriage - with genuine curiosity. What's it like to be in a relationship with a hunter, is it hard, all that jazz. Never asks about the fact that they're both men, none of those gross "so who's the woman" questions, literally just. Talking to two married hunters. That's it. Then later, when they're working, he never once questions their capability as hunters or suggests that they're weak in any way. There's no "you're less 'manly' because you're gay" mindset at all. And at the end of the episode he's genuinely happy for them, two hunters who managed to get out of the life and retire together.

There's lots of other examples (several male cops have been obviously into him over the years, his reaction to Jody talking about Claire and Kaia, all the subtext surrounding Lee, etc.) but for my last one for now, let's not forget...

3. Charlie fucking Bradbury: Arguably Dean's best friend besides Cas (no I haven't forgotten about Benny, I love Benny, but he was part of a very specific chapter of Dean's life and that chapter is done). We've known she was a lesbian from the get-go, and Dean takes it in stride when he finds out, immediately improvising to coach her through some painfully awkward flirting so she can get into the office ("you've just come home, and Scarlett Johansson is waiting for you"). And yes, there's the whole "I feel dirty" "yeah so do I" bit there, but that's clearly established as a joke, plus the guy was gross - as someone who is attracted to both women and men, I would feel dirty after flirting with him too.

The next few times we see Charlie, she and Dean are geeks and dweebs together, Dean is having more fun than we've seen in years, and we see him be a really good friend - in some ways, a better friend than he is to Cas. Charlie talks to him a little bit about girls, they LARP, they go shopping together, Dean comforts her when she has to let go of her mom. When she's killed, he gets so upset he goes on a murderous rampage (maybe not the most healthy way to deal with greif, but nonetheless showing how much she mattered to him). When he sees an alternate version of her in trouble he's immediately ready to risk his own life to help her even though she doesn't know him. He loved her like a sister, and he never once expressed any issues with her sexuality.

So let's go back to Cas. Cas is in love with Dean. Not much of a surprise there, he's said it before. But this is the first time Dean understands that that's what he's saying. It makes sense that he's a little stunned, especially considering that Cas is also saying that he's about to die. I mean, if your best friend of twelve years told you one day that they've been in love with you all along, that just knowing you has irrevocably changed them for the better, and that also by the way telling you this means they're going to die, mightn't you be rendered a tad speechless?

Dean does not hate Cas for this. Not at all. Because whether or not Dean is bi, whether or not he reciprocates, Cas is still his best friend. We've seen how hard Dean grieves every time Cas dies. We know how much Cas matters to him. Of all the shit they've put each other through, there's absolutely no logical reason for this to be the thing that damages their friendship beyond repair. Not after everything. No fucking way.

Dean says nothing because he doesn't know what to say, because he's still processing Cas's confession but also already grieving and blaming himself for Cas's death. The way he breaks down at the very end of the episode? That's not a man who's disgusted. That's a man who's shattered.

How dare you try to simplify this incredibly complex and emotional moment into Dean being a dick. How dare you. It's positively insulting. The entire point of Cas's speech was that Dean is so much more than that. If you can't see that, than I'm sorry, but you're missing the whole message of the show.

Supernatural is about family and sacrifice. It's about free will, making your own choices. And it's about being more than just who you're supposed to be, going beyond what other people want or assume. All the depth beneath the surface. That's the show. That's why we're still watching after all this time. Because it means something important. Something relevant. Something real.

Don't you fucking discredit that.

(thank you for coming to my TED talk)

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

[marnie1964]

Karate Kid/Cobra Kai survey

i'm gonna consider myself tagged

It’s the year 2021 and you’re obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?: an unexpected turn of events but it's passing the quarantine, i guess!

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?:  to be completely honest, i don't really like the movies? i didn't vibe with them as a kid and when i went back and tried to watch them this year i couldn't make it all the way through.* i think they're well crafted movies, but i've never liked relatable young boy wish fulfillment (i couldn't even get thru harry potter as a kid), and i think the first one is guilty of burying the lede twice over with regards to mr. miyagi and later the relationship between kreese and johnny. and lucky me--these are exactly the areas that cobra kai delivers on.

*except for the third one, which imo is a camp masterpiece and also genuinely heartbreaking. it's the only one that allows daniel to be an genuine pain in the ass. i think i've finally figured out what the target audience for cobra kai is: people who's favorite karate kid movie was tkk3 (me).

We gotta do the basics. Favorite character: johnny! what is a man but a miserable pile of bruce springsteen lyrics? or aimee mann lyrics? or mountain goats lyrics? or otis redding lyrics? or--fuck, have americans ever written songs about anyone else? i have an unreal amount of good will towards this man and his late-life struggle for recuperation. he's the heart of the show both in terms of his relationships with other characters and in terms of zabka's chemistry with the other actors.

my deep dark double secret fave is kreese. he makes me feel real anger in a way that's usually reserved for characters in vince gilligan shows. i'm a bit obsessed with him and his preoccupation with johnny and later johnny's teenaged son (I Have Thoughts). the show does a great job of making what he did to johnny--and all the years and years and years of fallout from that--feel really real, which makes him one of the most viscerally despicable villains i've ever come across . it's unironically among the best portrayals of domestic abuse i've seen, may god have mercy on our souls. the decision to pop out from behind a fucking cardboard cutout of himself to scare daniel in tkk3 was also a hilarious galaxy brain move. aspirational stuff.

also--shout out to daniel-san. the writers really had to work their asses off to make him into a character that appeals to me, and i think they did a great job of it. he's a cringey tool who's capable of displaying a surprising amount of integrity under the right circumstances! he's tom wambsgans! he's pete campbell! he's wonderful i love him!

Favorite ship:  johnny & daniel (what if mysterious skin was a sports comedy??)

Underrated character: the True and Correct answer to this question can only be aisha, although i don't think she was actually underrated by anyone besides the writers. chozen is also lowkey my favorite katate child because c'mon, he had everything (spear fights! ziplines! teen death matches! formfitting disco-era polyester button down shirts worn with gold chains!)

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):  uhhhh... the only teen couple that could have been interesting is tory/aisha. they were cute together and their friendship rang true to me. it's that thing where you're the new girl and you're conventionally attractive, but on the inside you know you're a freak so you immediately gravitate towards the most obvious female outsider. i lived it, bay-bey!

i also think there are interesting things to explore with carmen and johnny's relationship. i don't know if the writers are even aware of it (i lean towards no b/c men amirite) but the entire premise of carmen's character is that she chose to live in poverty to protect herself and her son from a bad man with power. she's thereby the exact opposite of johnny's mother, who (at least by his understanding) married hollywood film producer shmarvey shmeinstein to provide her son with a better life. so, there's a lot to unpack in his attraction to her. also they're super hot hur hur i like sexy nurse thing hur hur.

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?: i can't look directly at it, but sweep the leg. zabka what the fuck man.

Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?:  i don't think i've seen anyone mention this one yet, but the football jersey with the sweatpants. it makes him look so small and huggable, i wanna pick him up and set him on my shelf or something.

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver: bring back ali's lesbian girl gang!!! or else--dutch. he was funny and iconic, i loved his exaggerated offended reaction to everything daniel said or did in tkk. also, i'm tacky so i'm a sucker for aggressively bleach blonde hair. the SCANDALIZED wasp couple standing behind ali and johnny in the spaghetti scene will also do. or terry's secretary (an mvp--i believe the original actress has passed away so in my heart of hearts she's portrayed by j. smith-cameron).

Scene that lives in your head rent-free: the whole character development speed run that johnny does from sweep the leg to crying while handing daniel the trophy to getting strangled in the parking lot by his beloved teacher. i'm especially transfixed by that last bit--what's the thought process of a man who decides to publicly execute his teenage student via strangulation? why did none of the many bystanders call the police? johnny is the real kitty genovese, prison for everyone.

from the cobra kai series proper: daniel's decision to greet johnny with a big hug after not seeing him for 35 years and never actually being friends with him (I Have Thoughts), the heinously creepy scene where johnny is repeating the cobra kai mantra for miguel and his entire disposition completely changes (demonic possession shit), and johnny's tiny go-ahead-and-kill-my-abuser nod (his face is so stoney after being so animated at dinner) coupled with daniel's shaky little sign of relief (macchio is really the cutest when he looks scared).

it goes without saying that every johnny & miguel scene lives rent free in my HEART.

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?: anthony becomes relevant for one (1) episode next season when amanda and daniel finally get around to putting him up for adoption.

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war.  Which dojo do you join?:  i enter the cobra kai dojo decked out in all of my snake-themed clothing and jewelry (it's a lot). i approach kreese and explain to him that the open mouth of a snake, viewed head-on, is a yonic symbol. i am permanently banned from the cobra kai dojo.

(seriously though, assuming i'm a teen in this scenario i think i would have vibed with tory/miguel/aisha. dimitri and sam would have driven high school me up the fucking wall though. the cobra kai style looks like more fun/better exercise. do i also genuinely believe most young girls could actually benefit from someone yelling no mercy down their neck? maybe so 💖)

What’s your training montage song?:  50ft queenie - pj harvey (it takes place in the alison bechdel feminist karate dojo ofc)

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?: it's a full episode flashback to the time johnny got arrested in albuquerque, new mexico. johnny's court-appointed attorney is a weirdly hot babe who seems like a super straight laced killjoy at first, but soon reveals herself to be an unhinged woman. one thing leads to another, and johnny winds up in bed with her and her loser husband. there are lots of great themes about punitive justice, people's ability to change for the better (and worse), and what makes someone "good" or "bad" to begin with, but mostly it's just really hot sex. the husband tries to sell johnny a prepaid cellphone and johnny tell's him that cellphones are never gonna catch on, cause who want's to be bothered by people all the time like that?

better call saul. it's a better call saul crossover ep.

(fwiw think that greg 'hbo succession' hirsch should also be terry's cousin greg on the non-roy side. think about it--the roys are small people, but cousin greg is really tall?? and who else is really tall, and a blue eyed brunette to boot? terry silver. it all adds up! this never becomes relevant to the plot, in any case, i'm just considering it canon until the writers come to my house and explicitly tell me i'm wrong.)

Tagging: anyone who's interested 😘

[demonsonthemoon]

Keep Shelter (Behind Glass About to Crack)

Fandom: Supernatural Pairing: Sam Winchester/Charlie Bradbury Word Count: 7474 Rating: M Summary: ~ “Don't leave.” ~ After their encounter with the Musca, Sam and Charlie stop at a motel for a night. They share a room, a bed, and some of their deepest fears. Notes: Title is from "Monster Town" by Go! Child, a song I am quite frankly obsessed with. Notes on the pairing: Remember when Apocalypseverse!Charlie asks of OG!Charlie and Dean had a thing and then says "good for her" about OG!Charlie being a lesbian? That line gave me brainrot. It led to me starting to ship Sam/Charlie, but only ever in two specific ways, which are AV!Charlie being bisexual and/or Sam being transfem. This fic is mostly the former, with very discreet hints of the latter peppered in for taste.

Read it on AO3.

“Don't leave.”

The amount of emotion Sam puts behind those two words surprises even him. It's only after they leave his lips that he realizes how much meaning there is behind them. Don't go away. Don't leave me alone. Don't die don't die don't die-

He keeps speaking, out of instinct, out of self-preservation, doesn't know what he's saying, exactly, until he's halfway through his tirade trying to convince Charlie that to keep hunting is worth it. Trying to convinced himself, still, after so many years. (Years after Jess, years after Amelia, years after the Trials, after going to his knees in front of Dean and Death and so many other times when he had accepted his own end only to be thrown back into a hunter's life again.) He watches Charlie's face, desperate for an answer that might justify his own choices or free him from them.

“I'll think about staying,” Charlie replies and her smile isn't all real but it's not all fake either and there is something blooming in Sam's chest that threatens to make him choke on petals.

They drive in silence for a while.

Sam can't stop looking back at Charlie, and he knows she's noticed. He turns away, tries to focus on the scenery, but it's too dark to see much and his gaze settles on his companion once again.

“Do I still have fly goo on my face or something?”

Sam shakes his head, embarrassed. “No. No. You're fine.”

Charlie sighs. “I know you miss her. It's okay, you know.”

Sam runs a hand across his face. “I do miss her. But you don't have to indulge me, you know? I was kind of shitty, before, saying that stuff about her and Dean... It's not your baggage to bear. It's not fair.”

“Yeah well. Not much that's fair in this world or mine.”

More silence, broken up by Charlie this time.

“Weren't you close?”

Sam frowned. “What?”

“You and the other me. You talked about her-and-Dean, but not about her-and-you. Weren't you close?”

“I don't know,” Sam shrugged. “I mean, we were but... not as much.”

He'd always liked Charlie. He'd gotten on well with her. But Dean was the one that she had immediately clicked with, and Dean had been... She'd been good for him. He'd been freer around her than he was with almost anyone, and Sam hadn't wanted to intrude on that. He hadn't wanted to force anything, had thought that he would have more time, that he could build something with Charlie in a gradual manner.

That plan had been cut short after her death. (After he'd dragged her into his mess, because it was his fault that she-)

“It's a shame,” Charlie says, when it appears that Sam won't be providing any additional information.

Sam stares at her.

“What? I like you.”

“I like you too,” Sam replies, inanely. Still, Charlie seems pleased to hear it.

And it's true. He does like her. This Charlie, not just the memory of the old one. Her edges are more jagged, sometimes a little cruel, and she doesn't smile as carefreely as her other self, but she still shares a lot of the things that drew Sam to the other Charlie in the first place. She's smart and nerdy and more comfortable in her body than Sam thinks he ever will be, although the way she has of showing it is far more lethal than the other Charlie's. She's pretty, too. And there's another thing that hasn't changed between one Charlie and the next: Sam can't help but find himself attracted to her, and he still feels uncomfortable and ashamed about it.

He's fine with Charlie being a lesbian. Obviously. He doesn't think her being a lesbian has anything to do with him being attracted to her, because that would just be... no. So maybe the shame is irrational, but it's still there, just like his attraction. Unwieldy, an imposition.

Sam doesn't say anything else.

It starts raining. Not lightly either, but the kind of rain that would drown out the radio if they had put it on, the kind that makes Charlie's pickup truck shake slightly. The visibility becomes non-existent, and Sam can see Charlie clench her steering wheel.

“We should stop at a motel for the night. You can drop me off in Lebanon tomorrow.”

“Are you sure?” Charlie asks, but she's already scouring the side of the road for signs of a place to stay.

“Yeah. I'm pretty tired anyway.”

“From all the sitting around that we did?” Charlie asks with a smirk.

Sam shrugs. He's not about to say that he's worried about the fall that Charlie took when they found the Musca, fairly certain she'll shrug off his concern even more aggressively than Dean usually does.

They pull into the first motel they find, the rain still pouring down over them. It seems like a decent enough place. Sam is halfway out of the truck before he realizes that Charlie isn't moving. He sits back down.

“You okay?”

Charlie is worrying her lower lip slightly, but she smiles as she turns towards him. “Yeah. I'm fine. Got a question for you though.”

“Yeah?” He's already half-soaked from the two seconds he spent outside the vehicle, but waits for Charlie to speak anyway.

“Do you wanna share a room?”

Sam doesn't exactly know what he'd expected, but certainly not that. He searches Charlie's face, trying to decypher the exact meaning behind those words. She might just be suggesting that they share a room to save on money, or so that they'd both feel safer, or-

But she meets Sam's gaze and raises an eyebrow.

“I-” Sam starts, then stops.

“I mean, no offense taken if you're not in the mood. I did rant at you about losing the love of my life two hours ago, I know that can be a downer for some people. But I like you so... offer's there.”

Sam's brain goes to static for a second.

“I thought you were a lesbian.”

As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he wants to lay is face on the dashboard and never look up.

Charlie chuckles. “I think your Charlie was a lot stricter in her preferences than I am.”

The admonishment stings because, yes, once more Sam had just assumed. Assumed he knows the person next to him because he'd known someone who looked like her.

“Sorry.”

Charlie shrugs. “Proud bi girl with a preference for women. Trust me, you're not the first one to make the mistake.” The set of her shoulders harden, and then she's moving, pocketing the car keys and opening her door. “Come on, let's get our rooms already.”

“Charlie, wait!” They're both standing in the rain, immediately drenched. Sam feels silly and awkward and like this really isn't the right time to do this, but he had wasted time once, with the other Charlie, and he's not going to do it again. “We can share a room.”

“Yeah?” The grin that takes over her face is so warm that he immediately thinks of the other Charlie. But that isn't fair to either of them.

“We could even share a bed.”

She laughs at that. Sam finds himself grinning in return. Then Charlie offers him her hand with a flourish and he only feels half-ridiculous when he takes it.

They step into the motel room – generic but clean – and Sam drops his bag at the foot of the king-sized bed. He just stands there, clenching and unclenching his hands.

It's been a while since he's felt so nervous about sex. Despite Dean's incessant jokes about him being a virgin, he's usually pretty confident in bed. But being here with Charlie throws him off a little. Especially this Charlie, which he's constantly reminded he doesn't actually know that well.

“Heads up,” Charlie calls. He looks up, and she throws something at him.

A flask. Yeah, he can see why the old Charlie clicked so well with Dean.

He untwists the cap and takes a sip. Charlie is apparently a rhum kind of person. Another thing he didn't know.

“We don't have to do anything, you know. You look nervous.”

Sam takes another sip of alcohol, then goes to sit on the bed, close to Charlie so he can hand her the flask back.

“I guess I am.”

Charlie considers him a second. “Still hung up on the lesbian thing? Or is it because of the old Charlie?”

“The old Charlie?”

“Well, you didn't hesitate that much after my invitation, so I figure you might have thought about it. With her. Despite the lesbian thing.”

Sam blushes. Childishly, he lets himself fall backwards onto the bed, staring at the ceiling instead of at his friend's face.

“Come on, don't be like that. I know it's weird, but weird is our life. I can handle it.”

Sam sighs, closes his eyes. She's not wrong. Weird is their life.

“Sure, I thought about it. I liked Charlie, and you're pretty. She was too.”

Charlie tosses off her shoes and lies down on her side, looking at him.

“Never seriously, though. It wouldn't have happened, with her. I was fine with that. I guess I'm kind of weirded out that it's happening with you.”

“If you want to. It's not because we have this big bed that we have to fuck in it. We could just have a sleepover. Braid each other's hair.”

She means it, too. Sam can see it in her eyes. She'd be just as happy to spend the night chatting and sleeping. Might even be better off that way. Sam doesn't think there was a lot of time for that sort of things in the Apocalypse world.

But he's selfish, and Charlie was the one to offer so...

So he turns on his side as well, scoots over a little, and kisses her.

It's sweet, and soft, and probably not what either of them really wants, but it's what they want to want and that's enough.

They break away. There is the slightest twinkle in Charlie's eyes and Sam feels himself glow with the pride of putting it there.

“Or we can do that,” Charlie says, jokingly.

There's a question there, though. The same question that is always on Sam's lips in moments like these. Can we have this? Do we deserve it?

He closes his eyes. This isn't going to work if all they want from each other is reassurance. They're both too terrified to give it.

Charlie runs a hand through his hair.

“You know, I really don't think I'm a fly monster. The musca, he left his community because he didn't fit in, right?”

Sam makes an assenting noise, though he doesn't move.

“I could fit in in the bunker. With the other hunters.”

With you, Charlie doesn't say, although the words could have easily filled the second of silence at the end of her sentence. This isn't that kind of night, theirs isn't that kind of relationship. Sam knows that.

“I think that's why I wanted to leave. I'm scared that if I stay I'll never be more than what the war made of me.”

Sam nods in assent. He has no word of comfort to offer, too conscious of having taken that exact same path.

He used to dream of other things, after all. Used to dream with enough force that he actually attempted to change his fate, first in Stanford, then in Kermit. But that second time was already only a poor attempt, he'd felt too conscious of the fact he was lying to himself.

He's a hunter now, or a Man of Letter, or maybe something in between, the balance his mom and dad never got to strike finally established.

This is what fighting has made of him, and it is too late now to regret it.

He's also Dean's brother, first and foremost, always, and he's done pretending that that doesn't at least partly rule the shape that his life takes.

That love is tangled in the war, and too often the two are indistinguishable. Once again, Sam is tired of wasting his time regretting it.

“I'm not going to lie and say that this life doesn't change you,” Sam says. “But it's never going to be all you are.”

Charlie runs a hand through his hair again. Sam closes his eyes without meaning to.

“I know how to fight, Sam. You don't need to reassure me. You don't need to pretend you're not scared.”

He buries his face in her shoulder, smelling sweat and monster goo and not caring one bit. This is the smell of a body that has been lived-in. It is the smell of a body that is safe.

Yes, Sam is scared.

He had to be a leader to the refugees from Charlie's world, and he's trying to be some kind of role model to Jack. It doesn't leave a lot of space for vulnerability. It doesn't leave a lot of time to deal with all the people he's lost over the years, all the ones he's found again in not-quite-right ways, the multiple lives he's lived and all the deaths he's been through.

He knows that the universe can throw so much more at him still. It hasn't stopped in 33 years, after all.

Of course he's scared shitless.

Still, right now, they're safe. Right now, they're together. They're alive and the rain is still pounding on the roof of the motel, shielding them from the rest of the world for a little while.

So Sam breathes through the fear and kisses the junction of Charlie's neck.

“Sometimes things you don't need are still nice,” he whispers against her skin.

She shifts, drawing away enough that they can look at each other. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He could blame his light-headedness on the sudden changes of mood they keep going through, but he's pretty sure that it's actually Charlie. She pushes against him until he's on his back, straddling his thighs and grinning.

Sam is still wearing his shoes and socks, and he tries to kick them off without changing position before admitting defeat. Charlie laughs with him as they move to let him undress. He takes off his jeans and shirt too, feeling freer now that the wet fabric isn't clinging to his skin.

She undresses as well, until they're both standing in their underwear, the air hitting their humid skin a little too coldly to be entirely pleasurable.

“Come on, Princess, back on the bed.”

“I thought you were the queenly one,” Sam starts before wincing. “Sorry, wrong Charlie.”

She pushes him back against the bed until they fiund their position from earlier again, Charlie hovering above him. “So I was a queen, uh?”

Not you, Sam thinks, his brain running in frustrated loops as it keeps confusing the woman in front of him with that in his memory.

“Yeah, you were. In Moondoor.”

“Moondoor?”

Right. This Charlie had never run away from Roman Enterprises, so she'd never started playing Moondoor.

“Yeah. It was a LARP-game. Pretty awesome.”

“You larped?” Charlie asks with a chuckle, clearly finding the thought outrageous. Sam doesn't know how they managed to get side-tracked so easily, although he doesn't mind it much.

“I can get my nerd on. When I find the time.”

Her gaze softens at that. Sam guesses that she is very familiar with that struggle. He imagines there weren't a lot of opportunities to play role-playing games when she was fighting for her life in a militia.

Then the spark in Charlie's eyes turn to mirth.

“Well, now you can get this nerd off.”

He stares at her for a second as his brain catches up with the horrible, horrible pun. Then he wraps his arms around Charlie, pulling her on top of him so he can bury his laughter in her hair. Charlie indulges him, giggling a little herself. The vibrations in their chest echo in the other's body and it's nice. It's nice and easy and Sam is breathless with the power of it.

Once he has regained a semblance of composure, Sam puts his hands on either sides of Charlie's head and pulls her in for a kiss. He lets her set the rhythm of it, lets her drive him out of his head, lets her weight press him into the mattress so that it becomes the only place he could think of being.

Sam wishes it could be simpler than this. He wishes he could ask less of the woman on top of him.

But they both carry their trauma right behind their teeth, and Sam was pretty bad at controlling the intensity of his feelings before he even went to hell.

It's good that he's doing this with Charlie. She does her best to lighten the mood, but does not begrudge Sam for the way his hands scrabble at her skin, for how he sometimes grips just a little too tight, afraid that she might slip right between his fingers, scared that she might come too close.

Sam touches her and tries to breathe, and at some point he has his fingers between her legs and her mouth is right next to his ear, and Sam shivers as she says his name.

“Do you really think we have time for teasing?” Charlie asks before nipping at his jaw, biting at his skin like she can somehow get inside of him. Sam doesn't think he would let her. He hopes he wouldn't.

But it still feels nice to pretend, it feels nice to act like the barrier between their bodies is porous, like they are both more than the weight of their own past.

Sam lets Charlie take charge, closing her hand around Sam's fingers and guiding two of them inside her. She's wet, slick enough that he breaches the ring of her muscles without much resistance, feeling her clench around him as she gets used to the intrusion.

Sam looks up at her, staring at her openly since her eyes are closed.

He is a lot more used to being the one taking the lead in bed. For quite a few years now, most women took one look at the size of him and decided that he must enjoy taking charge. And he does, it's never been an issue, not something he felt strongly enough about to even bring it up. But there's something freeing about the way Charlie uses his fingers to get what she wants, how he doesn't have to think about anything, how he can just lie there and know that he's doing enough, because this is what she wants.

Sam moves his thumb so its rubs against Charlie's clit every time she moves her hip, and she groans appreciatively. Her hair falls over Sam like a curtain, still slightly wet from the rain, and Sam feels a sudden urge of jealousy that he hides against her mouth.

“Wanna change this up a little?” Charlie whispers.

There are many things that Sam would do without her needing to ask as sweetly. So he hooks his hands under her arms and flips their position.

Charlie giggles, gripping his shoulders. “You have no idea how much I hoped you would do that.”

Sam grins at her. The admission warms something inside him, the fact that she thought of him, that she imagined this, even if she has had a lot less time to do so than he did.

(Not that Sam let himself imagin much. It hadn't felt right to, with the other Charlie.)

Sam moves down Charlie's body, laying a kiss between her breasts before sitting up a little so he can really focus on putting his fingers back inside of her and taking his time stretching her out. Sam has a lot more control this way, but Charlie still raises her hips to deepen the angle before hooking her legs over his arms, her heels digging into his back just painfully enough to make him gasp a little.

Sam hasn't touched himself since this started, and he can definitely feel it. His arousal is a tightly-wound coil in his gut, and he is all too aware of the fact that his new position makes it much harder for him to rut against anything or get any other type of friction.

He gets another finger inside Charlie, watches her arch her back into his touch as she searches for the best position to accommodate him. She is so open in her reactions, wholly immersed in her simple search for pleasure, and Sam drinks that in like he might lap at an unexpected stream in the middle of a desert.

His body has never been an easy place to live in, even before Lucifer, before he knew he had demon blood flowing through his veins. It didn't mean he never managed to open himself up. He found a way to do it with Jess, even though it was far from perfect, too many secrets between them that she was unaware off. He tried to make it work with Amelia, patching a relationship together from broken pieces, always surprised when they found a way to fit.

But even then, there were secrets. Secrets have always been his way of life. It was what he had been taught, from childhood, when he realized that for years his father and brother had hid from him what they really meant by “business trip.” At the time, thinking about Dean hiding something from him had felt like a knife carefully sliding between his ribs. Now it fels like just a regular part of breathing.

“I'm ready, come on,” Charlie says, pushing at Sam's hand, snapping him away from his drifting thougts one more. Sam slips his fingers out, and freezes for a second as he realizes he needs a condom. He isn't used to doing this anymore, he didn't think ahead, but then he remembers that he usually has one lying around his toiletry bag, just in case, and suddenly he's glad that the reflex to take his overnight duffel wherever he goes is still ingrained so deep within his body.

He's never been able to settle into having a home, not since Jess' death, and most of the time he's not really happy about it, but in some cases it has its perks.

Like when he needs to run for his life or have sex with a beautiful woman.

“Wait a second, I need to get my bag-”

“Oh, shit, right,” Charlie says, scrabbling upright and blushing. “Didn't... think of that. It's been a while.”

“Since you had sex with a guy?” Sam asks as he rummages through his things. He can't help the note of curiosity in his voice, still isn't used to the idea of Charlie sleeping with men. He doesn't know what he can ask or not, isn't familiar with openly talking about sexual orientation at all. His family hadn't really been big on exploring anything outside of heterosexuality, and although Sam considers himself to be open-minded, he knows there are a lot of things he just doesn't understand.

“Yeah. I mean, also since I had sex period, because seeing my world get destroyed and losing my girlfriend was kind of a mood killer for a long time. Also, barrack beds really aren't that comfortable.”

“You don't say,” Sam says with a soft smile. He gets what Charlie means. H's tried to explain the exact same thing to Dean whenever he insisted that Sam needed to loosen up, to take a break, that sleeping with someone would get him out of his head, that it could only be good for him. It isn't that Dean is wrong, it's just that Sam can't really muster up the desire for sex when he's in a hypervigilant state because of whatever is threatening their lives that week. Hunting is part of who Sam is, down to his deepest core. He'd tried to deny that for a long time, tried to run away from it. But he's old enough now to accept it for what it is. Sam can't turn his fear off, even for just one night, because being afraid is what has kept him alive against all odds for so long. It doesn't mean he's letting the fear run his life. He still makes his own decisions, he still finds ways to mitigate the anxiety (by going for runs, mostly). He's still in control. The fact that that control doesn't extend to much beside his own body isn't sad. It's just how his life works.

When he's ready to climb back on the bed, feeling pretty victorious about the condom in his hand, Charlie is sitting up against the headboard, two fingers casually rubbing against her clit. It's a sight that makes Sam's insides ache with want. She holds herself so confidently, the edges of the fighter eased away by the darkness around them, and she makes it seem all so easy. Charlie – whichever one of them – has always looked like she knows herself in the way that Sam envies without clearly knowing why.

“What?” Charlie asks, challenging his gaze. “I wasn't just going to lie there and wait.”

“Wouldn't have even thought of suggesting such a thing,” Sam replies. He sits on the edge of the bed, feeling awkward about turning away from her, but it's just more convenient as he tears open the foil package and rolls the condom onto himself carefully.

When he turns once more, Charlie is looking at him, a small smile on her face, and there is a current coursing between their eyes that makes Sam's hair rise up on his skin, makes his mouth water, makes him hungry in a way he doesn't know whether he likes about himself.

“So, how do you wanna do this, Princess?” Charlie asks. He doesn't know where the nickname comes from, what she means by it. Part of him thinks he should be irritated by it, like he is when Dean call hims Samantha, the insinuation of something negative hiding just behind the joke. But it doesn't feel the same, the way Charlie says it. It's not meant to hurt, not meant as a jab. It's easy, like the rest of this has been. It's affectionate. There's something about the way she doesn't question her use of it that makes him wonder if she knows something he doesn't. If this is one of the things that his family has never taught him to speak about.

“However you want,” Sam says. He's not feeling like calling the shots right now, not with Charlie, not with how simple it seems for her to ask.

She thinks about it for a second, while Sam runs a hand over his cock, the touch electric as he remember that he hasn't been touched yet tonight, that the pleasure coursing through his skin is all just from touching her.

“Get down here,” Charlie replies, gesturing to the mattress, and they both shuffle to switch place, so Sam is the one against the headboard and Charlie can spread her thighs on either side of his hips and hover above him. “Been a while since I did it like this, too,” she says, and Sam puts his hands under her thighs to help support some of her weight, can't help but stare at the way his fingers splay out, under and around her.

Charlie has one hand on the headboard, right next to Sam's head, and one hand between her legs, three fingers fitting inside her easily, making sure she's still stretched out enough.

Sam holds his breath.

She lowers herself onto him, and Sam would say that it feels like a revelation except he's been trying to ban religious vocabulary from his life. He's met God and wasn't much impressed. This feels a lot better than that, profane and real and something he can both hold onto and drown in.

He's careful, so careful, letting her go slow, refraining from bucking up into her. It is delicious and agonizing, even more so when Charlie lets out a little sigh, shifting up then down again, accepting the whole of him inside her with what sounds like relief.

Sam lets out a whine, closing his eyes and flushing in embarrassment. He doesn't know how it got so intense, doesn't think he should let it go on like this, has no idea how he can let Charlie go after this. He doesn't know how he can bear the thought that she might leave forever, even after their conversation in the truck earlier.

Except this is too much, and Sam knows he will ruin the moment if he tries to cage it between his fingers. He knows his strength and how easy it has always been for him to kill everything he's ever loved. So he's not going to let this be anything like love, because it isn't. It's just two desperate people who need each other, in the absence of anyone else willing to look the cracks of their souls head on. It's two bodies finding a way to make the world more bearable, fighting to survive in it. It is two human beings that were just reminded of how easily loneliness can make a monster out of someone, and who are struggling not to let themselves fall into that trap.

It's Charlie raising herself up again, the walls of her vagina clenching and unclenching around Sam, the slow drag of her disarming in the intensity of it.

Charlie sinks back down, one hand now on Sam's shoulder, clenching unconsciously as she moves. He looks up into her eyes, notices her already staring and wonders what she sees, what she's feeling, if this is too much for her too, so much more than he'd bargained for when he had agreed to share her room.

Sam groans, and his hips rock up without him meaning too. Charlie just smirks, rotating her pelvis as she seeks out an angle she likes, and then she's moving up and down with intent, mouth falling slightly open. Sam can't bear the sight of that and so he surges up, takes her lower lip between his own and sucks, swallows a little sound of surprise, the neediness with which Charlie kisses back. He fucks up into her once more, and she presses into him, a sound rumbling in her throat almost like a purr. The hand that was on his shoulder moves to the nape of his neck, settling into his hair and pulling just enough that Sam feels his scalp tingle as he raises his chin.

“You don't have to take care of me,” Charlie whispers into his ear. There's something dark in the way she says it, a reminder that has some danger to it even though it stays away from being a threat.

Sam has many words on the tip of his tongue, wants to tell her that he doesn't have to but still wants to, wants to tell her that it's not because something will not break that you should handle it with no care, wants to show her that he can still be soft despite the calluses on his fingers from handling too many guns, wants to make sure she knows she deserves something sweet despite the scars littering her skin.

But Sam is weak. This is something that he has accepted, just like he has accepted being scared. In the face of all that the world requires of him, Sam will always be weak. It is part of what makes him human and so Sam lets the truth of it sink within his bones along with the Enochian sigils Castiel carved out so many years ago, and he lets himself be anchored by it.

So he listens to Charlie, uses the strength in his arms to push her up and bring her down, snapping his hips in the same rhythm, going deep, going hard. And Charlie keeps her hand in his hair, bites down on his lip, moves right along with him.

Maybe it's better this way. Maybe they both need tenderness too much for it to fit within this one night.

They find a rhythm and an angle that satisfy the both of them, and at that point they're not so much kissing as pouring hungry noises into one another's mouth. It's not in any way dignified, but it's good, it's mind-blowing and right in all the wrong ways.

Sam doesn't last. He's dismayed at the fact but not altogether surprised, and he brings a hand to Charlie's clit as feels his balls draw tight, hoping to bring her as close to the edge as he can while he start coming inside her, hips stuttering out of rhythm.

She laughs against his mouth, breathless and pleased instead of mocking. Sam closes his eyes as he chases the last overwhelming ripple of his orgasm, before he is forced to stop his movements, too sensitive to take any more.

Charlie is still rocking against his fingers, tiny jerks of her hips as she chases her own pleasure. So Sam slips out of her, replaces his cock with the fingers of his other hand. There is a moment when Charlie seems like she is about to fall, her muscles protesting the absence of Sam's hands to take some of her weight. Time seems to slow down as they teeter on that edge right before equilibrium is lost. But Charlie catches herself, takes control of her own body like Sam knows she had learned to do well before the Apocalypse, because her other self had acted the same way before Sam and Dean had intruded into her life.

(Sam his surprised to realize he no longer thinks of the old Charlie as his Charlie. It had never been fair, because she hadn't been his, just like the woman above him isn't, but that hadn't stopped his brain from latching onto the word. He is glad to be letting it go now, to set free the memory of a woman who died too soon, too much alone, and who did not deserve to be held down by the weight of Sam's guilt.)

Still, although Charlie has learned to rely on herself and protect herself from most threats, she shouldn't always have to. So Sam ignores her half-hearted protest when he takes his hands away and pushes her gently to her side. He ties off and discards his condom before lying back down and turning to face her. The way they're looking at each other could easily be too much if they talked about it. So Sam goes back to work, fingers slipping inside Charlie easily as she moves one leg to make more way. The angle probably isn't the best for her, and Sam couldn't keep it up very long without his wrist protesting, but with two fingers inside her, two against her clit, and Sam's mouth peppering kisses over the juncture of her neck, Charlie is shaking apart in a matter of minutes.

Sam looks at her face as she comes, watches her features tighten then go slack as her muscles give in to the wave of sensations. He waits until her pelvis twitches away from him before he gently pulls his hands away, his fingers slick from her arousal and the smell of sex hanging heavily in the air. Sam is tempted to just wipe his fingers on the bedsheet, but he knows they still have to sleep here. He grimaces and stands up, going into the tiny en-suite bathroom so he can rinse his hands at the sink, and gets a washcloth while he's at it.

“I do feel like a queen now,” Charlie says, lazily content as Sam carefully wipes away any trace of their activities from her inner thighs.

“I'm happy to be a service,” Sam replies. It's meant to be a quip, but comes out a little too honest, and something softens even more in Charlie's gaze.

Sam wonders what she thinks of him. He's used to feeling protective of her, the rookie hunter, the one he tried to protect from how brutal the world could really be. The other Charlie hadn't really warranted that attitude either, at least not after what happened to her in Oz. This one deserves it even less.

He wonders if she thinks of him as the one to be protected. After all, Sam has done and seen many things, but he has always had a world to fight for. Charlie hadn't been fighting for much more than survival, back where she came from.

She threads her hands in his hair again and, yeah, Sam can admit that this is part of the reason he keeps it long, he's not above that. She pulls carefully enough that Sam doesn't feel any real pain but is still forced to move up her body, letting the washcloth fall to the floor so he can put one hand on her cheek as he kisses her.

He's a bit surprised that she wants him to, because this once again feels like more than they had bargained for. This is just supposed to be one night of sex, just a pleasurable moment shared between their bodies. It's not supposed to mean anything.

“Stop thinking,” Charlie admonishes with a chuckle. “This is nice. Let yourself enjoy it.”

“I just...”

“We're friends, Sam. It's okay to cuddle a bit after sex.”

She uses a tone like she's talking to a four-year old, and Sam can't help but laugh at that, at this woman so much younger than him and yet who has so much to teach.

“Right.”

Sam moves away, but only so he can settle on his side and bring her close against his chest. Charlie does a little wiggle to make sure there isn't any space separating them and Sam sighs out all of the tension left in him.

They stay quiet for a long time, each lost in their thoughts.

In another life, they might have fallen asleep like this, but neither of them can find slumber that easily.

“I'm not like the fly monster,” Charlie says, cutting through the moment. It's strange how talking makes Sam a lot more aware of their respective nakedness.

He hums agreement, deep in his throat. They've already had this conversation.

“If I leave. I keep thinking about the musca and how it left its people behind. How the legends say it only happens to the bad eggs or whatever.” She moves away from his arms, and Sam lets her. Luckily, she only turns to face him, staring at him from eye level for once. “That's not what's happening here. I'm not leaving people behind because I'm bad.”

“Of course not. Charlie, if what I said made you think-”

“No, it's not you,” she shakes her head. “I know you didn't mean it like that. I mean... I mean that I've been fighting for a long time, now. I thought I had lost everything I could lose, and I kept going. And then I lost my entire damn universe, if you can believe that.” She chuckles darkly.

Sam doesn't feel like laughing. He would like for her to still be in his arms so he could just hold her tighter instead of having to find the words to comfort her.

“And I came here, and we all just kept fighting. Because it felt like all we had, like all we could do, I guess. This isn't our world. I think a part of us will always believe that we don't belong. So maybe hunting is how we find a place, is the way we earn our right to stubbornly cling to our survival.” She grimaces. “Fuck. I guess the fly monster metaphor does kind of work, in the end. Because maybe it didn't want to leave, maybe it didn't do anything to be cast out, maybe that thing just felt, in its bones or its exoskeleten or whatever, it felt that it didn't belong. So it left, and then it did everything it needed to to try and carve itself a place in a world that never felt like his.”

“Charlie...”

He tries to reach for her face, but she catches his fingers in hers, stopping him. He's bracing to be pushed away, but Charlie just lays their hands between their bodies, keeping them entwined.

“I'm not done. What I mean is, if I'm the musca, it's not for leaving. It's for getting here in the first place. It's for clinging to the fight, to the rules of that other world. I think I want to learn how to belong, Sam. I think I want to learn what it feels like to own my own life, to feel like I have something to protect.”

She looks at him, and there is something searching in her gaze, a question on the tip of her tongue.

But Sam knows Charlie, or a version of her anyway, and he knows that she isn't asking him to come with her. They don't have that kind of relationship. So he waits her out.

“You know you could still do it, right?”

And yeah, that line has been run through so many times that Sam should have expected. It certainly shouldn't have come like a slap to the face.

Sam closes his eyes and turns away, lying on his back.

He tries to tell himself that she doesn't really know him, doesn't know how many times he's tried, doesn't know how deep the hunt runs in him, how it sticks to every pore of his skin. But of course she knows him. This is why she's saying this. Because she see the places where they match, and Charlie has never looked at something broken and not given it a shot to fix it.

That is how the other version of her had started hunting, after all. That is how Sam and his brother had gotten her killed.

“Maybe,” Sam says to the ceiling. “I've tried before. It's always felt like running away to me.”

“What would be so wrong with running away from a life that's slowly killing you and everyone you love?”

There is so much bitterness in her voice. Sam hasn't been paying enough attention, if this is how she truly feels. He hasn't suspected, and how much of a leader can he call himself if something so big flies completely under his radar? He's been working himself sick trying to run the bunker and help everyone in it, trying to make a different, trying to let them be a part of something good, but if this is what they think, what result does he have to hold up to the light as he tries to fall asleep?

Sam doesn't want to feed the resentment in his friend, especially not in this moment that was meant to be sweet. He doesn't want to keep circling back to the dark thoughts he's had a thousand times before. He has made peace with his life, although it is not a peaceful one.

And this does not mean he begrudges Charlie for her desire. He could not and will not, because there is nothing more natural for him than the visceral feeling of wanting out. He does not want to see her leave. He will miss her, the other refugees will miss her, and the hunting world will miss her. But that shouldn't influence her decision.

“There's nothing wrong with it.” Sam doesn't turn to look at her, afraid that something on his features might betray his words. “There's nothing wrong with you,” he adds, because they were talking about the musca, at some point, that was the crux of the matter.

Maybe that's why she can take that decision and he can't, Sam thinks, ever unkind with himself. He doesn't say it aloud, because putting those kinds of thoughts into words give them power.

Instead, he finally shifts to his side again.

Charlie has her right arm folded under her head, bright red hair splayed over the pillow. She's still entirely naked, just like him, lying on top of the covers. It seems incongruous right now, in the context of this conversation. The motel room is warm, but they should probably still put on some clothes. There is both sweat and rain still drying on their skin.

Charlie looks beautiful and Sam knows about love and about letting go. And this isn't that kind of love, but he still cares about her. She makes that easy.

“There's nothing wrong with you,” he says, looking her in the eye, hoping that his features might reveal the depth of that truth, for once.

[nickelkeep]

With a Little Help From Our Friends

Pairing: Dean/Cas, background Jody/Donna, past Claire/Kaia Rating: Teen Word Count: 3.3K Warnings: minor mention of alcohol, mention of canon minor character death Written For: Representation Week, hosted by @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover and @specialagentrin On Ao3

Bad boys, bad boys/Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do/When they come for you

Dean pulled out his cell, shrugging off Sam’s eye roll. Only one of two people would be calling him with that ringtone, and Dean would be damned if he was going to let Sam take the joy out of the phone call. He looked at the screen and smiled.

“Jodes, what’s up?”

A brief pause made Dean nervous, but before he could question it, Jody spoke up. “Dean, you’re not in the middle of anything, are you?”

“Nope. Just got back from a vamp nest in Tulsa. We’re keepin’ an eye out, but taking it easy at the same time.” Dean kicked his feet up to emphasize the point, even if Jody couldn’t see it.

“I hate to do this to you then, but I need you.” Jody sounded defeated, and Dean quickly sat back up in his chair.

“What’s going on, Jody?”

“It’s about Claire. And you’re the only person I think would be able to help her out.” Jody let out a sigh. “I wouldn’t call if I thought had any other options.”

Dean frowned. Jody was normally on top of things when it came to all of the girls. “Alright, let me get Sam and Cas–”

“No. No, no.” Jody interrupted. “Just you. Please.”

“Are you sure?” Dean looked over at Sam who had closed the book in front of him. Dean held up a finger and shook his head.

“Dean, she’s going to be embarrassed that I called anyone. But out of all the people I could think of… You’re the one who can probably relate the most.”

“Alright, let me pack my bag, and I’ll be on the road in about twenty minutes, okay?” Dean tried to sound reassuring. “I’ll see you soon, I promise.” He hung up the phone and put it back in his pocket.

Sam raised an eyebrow and rested his chin on his hand. “What’s that all about?”

“Jody needs some help. Hold down the fort? Call me if something comes up, I’ll join you and Cas when I’m done helping her out.” Dean shot a finger gun at Sam before heading to his room.

…

After a quick goodbye to Jack and Cas, Dean took to the open road, hoping to make the trip to Sioux Falls in less than four hours. He popped some Seger into the tape deck for the first half of the drive, and as if they knew the tape was over, another phone call came in.

“D-Train! What’s up?” Dean smiled as he answered.

“I hear you’re on your way to Jodio’s.” Donna’s thick-but-sweet accent came through the speakerphone.

“I am. You know what’s going on?” Dean reached down and grabbed the box of tapes off the floor while keeping his eye on the road.

“Claire’s in a bad place right now, Dean.” She hummed a little, as if in thought. “You know it’s been about a year, right?”

Dean snorted. “Donna, I love you, but you’re assuming I even know what day it is.”

“What are we going to do with you, Winchester? Hmm?” She took in a deep breath. “It’s been a year since the Bad Place.”

“Shit.” Dean briefly closed his eyes and ran his hand down his face. “Wait. What can I do to help her out with that?” Donna started to reply, but her voice was cutting in and out. He picked the phone up off of the seat and noticed his phone only had a bar of signal. “Donna, I can’t hear you, I’m going through a bad spot.” He heard the phone beep in disconnection and shook his head. “Well then.”

He reached into the box and pulled out a random cassette. Upon looking at it, he realized he grabbed Metallica’s Black album and push it into the deck after pulling out Seger’s Night Moves. He tossed Night Moves into the box and took a look at his phone. The bars showed full signal again, and for a moment, he contemplated calling Donna back. He shook his head and turned his focus back to the road.

…

Rather proud of himself for making the drive in three hours and fifty-seven minutes, Dean pulled up in front of Jody’s home, parking Baby next to Jody’s Jeep. Donna’s truck was parked on the other side, and Dean was even more confused as to what he could offer that Jody nor Donna could.

“I thought I heard that engine!” Donna walked down the front steps and pulled Dean into a hug. “I swear you got a horseshoe up your butt with how fast you got here.”

“Probably.” Dean leaned into the back seat after Donna let go and grabbed out his duffel. “So, where’s Hunter Barbie?”

Donna pointed over her shoulder at the house. “In her room. Jody’s trying to get her to eat.”

“Trying to get her to eat? What the hell? Claire puts away food like it’s going out of style.” Dean’s face dropped as he followed Donna into the house.

“We know.” Donna nodded in agreement. “But…”

“Is that Dean?” Jody appeared from the hallway, a full plate in her hand. “Thank goodness you’re here.”

Dean looked back and forth between the two women. “You gonna let me know why you wanted me here?”

“I thought I would be able to relate to her.” Jody hung her head. “With what happened to Sean and Owen.” She leaned into Donna as Donna wrapped her arm around her shoulder. “I get that first love strikes fast, but she blames herself for Kaia’s death.”

“So, how am I supposed to help again?” Dean asked, slightly nervous about where the conversation was going.

“Dean, you’ve gone through something similar, when Cas died.” Donna smiled sadly at Dean.

“I’m not…” Dean shook his head. “Nope, you got that wrong.”

Jody’s head snapped up. “Don’t you dare say that you don’t love Cas, Dean Winchester. Don’t you do it.” Jody got into his personal space and jabbed at his chest with her finger. “You can pretend all you want, but your family has eyes, Dean. Now go in there, and talk to the girl who looks to you for fatherly advice.”

“Jodes,” Donna quietly chided Jody and took her hand. “Don’t push.” She looked at Dean. “Go talk to Claire. Please?”

“Still don’t know how it’s going to help.” Dean walked up the stairs to the bedrooms, vaguely remembering which one was Claire’s. He listened carefully, and heard the soft sobs coming from behind one of the doors, and stopped to knock on it. “Claire?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Dean heard the muffled retort and couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s what I said, Kiddo. I’m coming in.” He pushed down on the door level and opened the door. Claire was laying on her bed, hugging the Grumpy Cat that Cas had bought her for her birthday. “Hey.”

“Jody seriously called you?” Claire’s bright blue eyes peaked over the stuffed animal, and Dean could easily see the resemblance between her and Jimmy. “I’ll get over it. I just need a few days.”

“Yeah, that’s what we tell ourselves, isn’t it?” He reached into his pocket “Remind me, you’re over twenty-one, right?”

“Dean, I’m twenty-three.” She pushed herself up to a sitting position. She tilted her head curiously. “What are you doing?”

“Jodes probably has you dry at the moment, doesn’t she?” He offered his flask to her. “Just a little burn down your throat to ground you.”

Claire looked at Dean in surprise. “Seriously? Jody has the guy who suggests getting drunk to deal with his feelings come and talk to me?”

“Excuse me?” Dean closed his flask back up and put it in his pocket. “A shot of whiskey never hurts anyone.”

“So a bottle of JD is a shot now?” Claire shot back.

Dean pointed his finger at Claire while trying to find the words to prove her wrong. “It’s better than the alternative, and I’ve done the damn alternative.”

“You’ve been sober?”

“Sonofabitch.” Dean ran his hand down his face. “Is this how you’ve been treating Jody and Donna?”

“Nope. They walk away when I tell them to go away.” She laid back down, grabbing the stuffed animal and rolling over. Her back fully to Dean, she commented. “This does mean I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Now I know why they called. I can out stubborn your ass any day.” Dean crossed over and sat on the foot of the bed. “Now. I understand we’re about to hit a year since that… place.”

“And the fact that you all hid from me that there’s an Alternate World version of Kaia here. And you keep telling me to get over her.” Claire’s voice raised in anger with each sentence. “Why should I get over her? Cause there are other girls out there? Cause there are boys out there? Newsflash! I’m a big flaming Lesbian! And this isn’t exactly the best area to go looking for that.” Claire sobbed into her Grumpy Cat. “And I want Kaia.”

Dean’s heart broke, watching Claire collapse in on herself. “Hey Kiddo, come here.” He put his arms out to the sides, offering a hug. “You’re getting softie Dean right now. Come here.”

A sniffle and some shuffling around on the bed and Claire curled up in Dean’s arms. “I know as hunters, we’re not supposed to entertain what-ifs and what-could-have-beens. But Dean, I’m young. She’s… she was young. We should have had more of a chance. I promised to protect her.”

“I know, Claire.” Dean rested his cheek on the top of her head. “And in turn, she jumped in front of you. Protecting you instead.” Claire nodded into his chest, and he took a deep breath. Dean knew why he was there. “I promised to take care of Cas like that, you know.” He gently rubbed Claire’s back as she cried into his chest. “But he’s a freaking angel of the lord. What can I do to protect him?” Dean shook his head. “I’ve watched him die too many times. And this last time? It was too real. It hurt so much.” He closed his eyes. “Claire, he died not knowing how much I love him.”

Claire pulled back slowly. “Did you just admit…” She shook her head. “You do love him.”

“Yeah, I do.” Dean nodded. “I’ve loved Cas for a long time.”

“Does he know? You got a second chance.” Dean blushed at Claire’s question, causing Claire to erupt. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD GIVE?”

“Calm yourself, Barbie.” Dean threw his hands up in defense. “I want so badly to tell him, but it’s never the right time.”

“Newsflash, Dean. It will never be the right time. Stop pushing it off.” Claire squinted and shook her head. “What are you so afraid of?”

Dean stood up abruptly, nearly knocking Claire off the bed. “Nope. Not turning this around on me. I’m here for you.”

“Yeah, well sometimes, one finds healing in the healing of others.” Claire pointed at the recently vacated spot. “Sit your ass back down. You’re supposed to be acting like my Dad and taking care of me, now do it.”

“Because this is how you win me over.” Dean rolls his eyes. “Besides, you said I’m supposed to be helping you. How am I helping you if you’re talking to me about Cas?”

“I’m not thinking about Kaia. I’m working on another problem. Which is why you won’t tell Cas you love him.”

Dean mumbled to himself, despite knowing that Claire was going to make him repeat himself.

“Did you think I wasn’t going to hear that?” Claire glared at Dean. “Look who you’ve surrounded yourself with. Donna and Jody are my moms. They’re together. I just told you I’m a lesbian. Charlie is a lesbian. Rowena has no idea what gender means and will sleep with anyone that’s pretty. Sam is your brother and loves you no matter what. Hell, he’s been putting up with you and Cas forever.”

“Putting up with?” Dean stared in disbelief. “The hell is that supposed to mean?”

Claire laughed and the first hint of light returned to her eyes since Dean entered the room. “Dean, do you really think that you’ve hidden the fact that you’re in love with Cas? Part of the reason I hated you was because I saw how much you loved Cas. And as much as I wanted my father back, I couldn’t do that to you or Cas.” She shook her head. “Dean, you love Cas like the sky is blue, like the grass is green, and like how you think Dr. Sexy deserves one more season.”

“That obvious?”

“That obvious.” Claire nodded. “You really haven’t told him because you thought that your family would disown you? Dean, you’re Bi, not a…” Claire chewed on her bottom lip as she thought of her next words. “You’re human. Humans come in so many different flavors.”

“Shouldn’t I be saying this to you?” Dean sat back down on the bed next to her. “You’re the one who’s suffering.”

“I’m finding this rather cathartic.” Claire leaned against Dean again. “You know, you can’t exactly have this speech with me anyway. It’s not like I’m hiding in the closet. My issue isn’t that I was afraid of telling Kaia how I felt. It was that we never had a chance to explore it. You have Cas. You have love.” She held up her finger as soon as Dean started to open his mouth. “Don’t you dare say that Cas doesn’t love you, cause he’s just as obvious as you are, probably hoping that you’ll pick up on it.”

Dean let out a sigh. “So, you’re calling us idiots?”

“Your words, not mine.” Claire held her hands up in defense before putting them back down. She paused and rested her head on his shoulder. “Thank you, Dean.”

“What the hell for?”

“For coming. For distracting me. I’ll always wonder ‘What if’ when it comes to Kaia, but through your inaction, you’ve reminded me to keep living.” She smiled coyly.

“Now that’s just rude. You can make it up to me by joining me for some of Jodes’ cooking.” Dean bumped his shoulder and playfully pushed Claire up. “Come on, Kiddo.”

…

The next morning, after packing up Baby with a ton of leftovers, and getting hugs from the available wayward ladies in his life, Dean hit the road back to Lebanon. He relaxed on the drive, letting Zeppelin keep him calm as he calculated his next steps.

Unlike making the trip to Jody in less than four hours, Dean took his time and clocked in at closer to five. He was almost dreading returning to the bunker, and when he pulled into the garage, he took a moment to calm himself, using a breathing technique Donna had showed him. Dean looked towards the entrance to the bunker, and let out a sigh, getting out of Baby and grabbing his duffel.

As he entered his room, Sam popped in behind him, quietly closing the door. “So?”

“So what?” Dean dropped his bag on his bed, not bothering to turn around and look at his brother.

“What happened up at Jody’s?”

“You probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Dean grabbed out the leftovers, turning around and shoving them into Sam’s hands. “Apparently we need more food from Jody.”

“Jody did not have you drive ten hours round trip for food, Dean.” Sam looked down at the containers in his hands. “What’s the actual reason you were there?”

“It’s been a year.” Dean shrugged. “I didn’t realize it until now, but it’s been about a year since we found out about other universes, and we went traipsing around in them, trying to find everyone.” He grabbed out the extra clothes he hadn’t needed and started to put them away. “It’s been a year since Claire lost Kaia, and Jodes thought I had a similar enough situation in which Claire could identify.”

Sam nodded. “You watching Cas die.”

“Yeah. While protecting me. Us.” Dean nodded. He let out a sigh knowing that the easiest hurdle to jump was the one in front of him. “Sam, I’m Bi.”

“No shit,” Sam replied. “Did you think I didn’t notice? Or did you think I would hate you?”

“Dad, uh…”

“Not a good enough excuse, Dean.” Sam interrupted. “Dad didn’t raise me. Dad didn’t take care of me when I was sick. Dad didn’t make sure I got to go on field trips. You did. You’re my brother and my best friend. You honestly thought I’d care that you’re Bi?” Sam shook his head and crossed the room, pulling his brother in for a hug. “I know we don’t do this, but dammit, Dean. I’m not going to hate you because you’re in love with a guy.”

Dean held up his finger, before adding another to make finger quotes. “‘A multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent.’ I love Cas.”

“So what are you going to do about it?” Sam raised an eyebrow, clearly amused.

“I’m going to go tell him.” Dean stepped past Sam and opened his door.

“He’s in the library!”

Dean shook his head and moved down the hallway slowly. He tried to convince himself that things wouldn’t change. He tried to remind himself that no matter what, he and Cas would remain best friends. And as he turned the corner, finding a smile appearing on Cas’ face when Cas saw him, his heart stopped, and the need to fly almost overtook his desire to fight.

“Hello, Dean.” Cas pulled the ribbon of the book he was reading between the pages and closed it. “Sam said you had gone to Jody’s. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I think I was able to help. Maybe not in the way that they imagined, but things were better when I left.” Dean crossed the room and sat in the chair next to Cas. “You hold down the fort okay?”

Cas tilted his head to the side. “You were gone for a day, Dean. Nothing significant happened in your absence.”

“Maybe not here,” Dean muttered, hoping Cas didn’t hear him. He took a deep breath in through his nose and slowly exhaled. “Cas, you know you’re my best friend, right?”

“Yes.” Cas nodded, as he carefully watched Dean. “Why are you bringing this up?”

“Hear me out, Cas. Please?” Dean waited until Cas nodded before continuing. “There’s something I’ve been hiding for a long time, because I was afraid that I’d be disowned, or Sam would hate me, or I’d lose you.”

“While I refuse to speak on your father, there’s nothing you could do to push Sam or myself away.” Cas shook his head.

Dean hung his head and closed his eyes. “I’m Bi. Like, Bisexual.” The silence that hung in the air could only have lasted seconds, but to Dean, it felt like an eternity. He looked up, his eyes finding Cas’. The angel was looking at him, his eyebrow raised in confusion. “Cas, say something.”

“I’m trying to figure out why you think that would chase me away. I’ve told you before I have no preference when it comes to gender or sexual orientation.” Cas turned in his chair to face Dean better.

“I didn’t think it would be my orientation that chased you away.” Dean moved to the edge of his seat, getting closer to Cas. “Please don’t hate me?” He leaned in, wrapping his hand around the back of Cas’ neck before pressing his lips against Cas’. Dean felt Cas freeze under the gesture. He pulled back slightly, his lips still close enough to feel Cas’ breath. “I’m sorry, Cas. I just needed to know–”

Dean didn’t get to finish his sentence. Cas’ mouth crashed back into his, swallowing the whimper of surprise that escaped Dean’s lips. Unlike the first kiss that scared him, Dean felt warm, he felt safe. Dean knew that Cas loved him as much as he loved Cas.

Dean was home.

[hawksmagnolia]

Their failure is my success

Summary: Darcy is done with dating...or so she thinks.

Pairing: Wintershock/Bucky Barnes/Darcy Lewis

Warnings: Fluff, smart assery and implied smut

A/N: Based on the accidental prompt “A vampire? You wish. Hard to be scared of a goth kid who hates Italian food.”

“Who would win in a fight? A vampire or a werewolf?” Clint threw a dart across the room and it sunk deep into the center of the bullseye.

There was silence before Sam answered. “Are you serious Barton? Is this what you think about in your spare time?”

“Not always. Sometimes I come up with new and inventive ways for Nat to kill people.”

“I don’t think Natasha needs your help.” Bucky leaned back in his chair as he stared at the ceiling. “Also a vampire would win. It’s not always about brute strength.”

“A vampire? You wish. Hard to be scared of a goth kid who hates Italian food.” Clint stuck the last dart in his mouth, dropped from the counter where he sat into a handstand, and began to walk himself across the room. He slowly balanced on one hand and threw the dart with his other.

A door slammed in the hallway startling Clint and he landed on his head. He sat up rubbing the back of his head when the door to the lounge swung open and cracked into the wall. All three men swung around to find a seething Darcy stalking through it.

“You know what? Fuck this. And fuck you.” She pointed at Clint who looked bewildered. “And you and you.” Sam and Bucky were next and equally confused. “This is officially my final straw. I’m going to buy leather pants and one of the leather corset things. Maybe buy a bullwhip. I’m going to make men weep at my feet.”

“So, you’re going to start dressing like Natasha?” Clint frowned at her. “And why the fuck you? I am innocent for once, unless I forgot what I did.”

“I am over men.” She announced dramatically and flopped into an armchair.

Sam leaned to peer at her. “To be fair…you are wearing a shirt that says ‘Sorry I missed church. I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.’”

Darcy made a face. “I started wearing weird shirts I steal from Clint on dates because it weeds out the weirdos.”

Sam raised a brow. “That’s Clint’s shirt?”

Clint shrugged. “What? It’s awesome. And it’s purple.”

“There are so many things wrong with that. Bad date princess?”

“He was a frozen pea tester.”

The men exchanged looks and Clint held up his hand like a kid in school.

“Not that kind of pea you idiots. Like green peas. Booger peas. He tests the peas to make sure they are frozen enough. I had to hear about it. In great detail. I didn’t even know that was a job. And he was a foot shorter than he claimed to be and he had a mullet. I didn’t know people in New York even had mullets. He was also super cheap and ordered water for both of us. Water. Like I wouldn’t need liquor to deal with that.” She paused to take a breath. “So yes. Bad date.”

“Do you need food? Or ice cream? Or maybe a body bag?” Clint offered helpfully. “I think we’re going to order Chinese. Would beef and broccoli with noodles keep your homicidal tendencies away from our delicate man bits?”

“That would help. I am going to go change out of these real people pants and take this stupid makeup off and I’ll be back.” She pushed out of her chair and headed out the courtyard door that led to her apartment.

Bucky jumped to his feet and went after her.

“What the hell?” Asked Clint.

“Shut up Barton.”

“Do you think werewolves like Chinese food?”

“You’re an idiot.”

Bucky pushed through the door as Darcy was about to unlock her apartment patio door.

“Darcy!”

She looked up as he jogged up to her. “Please tell me Clint didn’t send you to harass me.”

“No..it’s not that.” He shifted awkwardly for a moment. “So, does this mean you’re done with the internet dating?”

Darcy crossed her arms over her chest. “Yes. Maybe dating totally. Why?”

Bucky slowly exhaled and looked down into her pretty but highly suspicious face. “Because. I hate it.”

Suspicion was replaced with confusion. “What? Why?”

“Because the thought of anyone else touching you makes me want to stab people.”

“First, you stab people for a living. Second, why that thought?”

Bucky looked away and then back at her. He put his palm to her cheek and caressed her skin with his thumb. “Because I want to be the one who touches you.”

Darcy gave him a wicked grin. “You have permission to touch me all you want.” She pushed open her door and yanked him in after her.

Clint and Sam stood at the edge of the courtyard. Once Bucky was gone and the door kicked shut by his booted foot they exchanged a glance.

“Are we still getting them food?”

“Yes. But we are sending a text letting them know it’s in the fridge in the kitchen. I am not interrupting that.”

“You never did answer my werewolf question.”

“Shut the hell up Barton.”

Tag list: @the-ss-horniest-book-club @eurynome827@cchellacat@daughterofsteven @sevans-is-my-weakness@sallycanwait68 @nano--raptor @buckys-broody-muffin @godofplumsandthunder​ @wkemeup​ @book-dragon-13​

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XXIX)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Some issues

(7x18/7x20/7x22)

Hello my friend!!!! This is fantastic, we are two metas from season 8!! But don't rush!

Today is time to analyze the episode in which we met Charlie. And she played like a catalyzer for Bi!Dean in front of our eyes!

I want to say thanks to my friend @agusvedder she made the gifs and discussed the episodes with me! Thank you gorgeous! 😘💕💕

Okay, let's do this...

A little foreshadow for S8

This meta is gonna be short... But don't worry next one is really... Huge...

In episode 7x18 Party on Garth, we start the chapter with Dean talking with Meg by the phone about Cas.

DEAN (on phone) All right, well, call us if he wakes up or, you know, anything.

Yeah, fine.

Thanks for your help, Meg.

DEAN hangs up.

DEAN What a bitch.

SAM So, Cas is the same, then?

DEAN Yeah, down to the drool.

Okay, IDK if I'm thinking too much here but... Is Dean calling her too many times? Like... Why is Dean mad? Why is he saying what a bitch? After he said thanks for your help? I would love to think is not just because she's a demon but... Maybe Meg is so done Dean is calling everyday? And the report is always the same?

Yeah... I like to think Dean is calling Meg everyday asking for Castiel's condition, and Meg is like so fastidiously answering with the same boring report. Love this headcanon. No much evidence for this one, but ... Yeah... I'll take it.

What this episode has too, is a foreshadow for episode 8x07... Pay attention...

DEAN: Well then what, Sam? Is Bobby here, or not?

When is Dean gonna to see someone everywhere?? Yep... Dean is gonna see Cas everywhere in episode 8x07... Because he'll be missing him a lot.

Another foreshadow here involving Bobby, happens in episode 7x22 There will be blood.

When Bobby appears in the bathroom, behind Dean, and Dean saw him as a reflex on the mirror when he was there. Again... Is the same position Cas will have and Dean will have in episode 8x07 when he appears for the first time behind Dean after coming back from Purgatory.

Again, you can rewatch the scene and compare, FAMILY LOVE vs ROMANTIC LOVE.

Nothing to see here... Let's continue...

Charlie exposed Bi!Dean and the brothers parallel

When the brothers guided Charlie into her first 007 mission , they helped her with things they knew very well... And that's the parallel.. right there...

Look at Sammy and Charlie here...

Okay, Sammy uses an interest they have in common, Dean didn't know till now, but Sam loves Harry Potter, so he's about to use that example he knows very well, to help Charlie.

Good work here! Sammy had helped Charlie encouraging her with a Harry Potter's character. Needs together are powerful!

Now ... How could Dean help Charlie? What he could offer her? His hunting skills?, Nope... But with his flirting skills.. because he's an expert in that, like Sammy is about Harry Potter.

But not just flirting, but flirting with a guy.

First of all, when Charlie informed there was a male guard there, Dean and Sam didn't know she was lesbian. Dean tried to help her by asking her a basic question bases on his own experience... Eye Contact. And we know he knows very well about what he's talking about... Mostly because he'd experienced a lot of eye fucking with one very hot and male angel. So... He knows eye contact EYE FUCKING MOSTLY, is one of the most important things to know if the other guy has interest in you. And Dean knows Cas is very skilled too in eye fucking 😏🤣🤣

Dean thought it was easy if they had the eye contact thing, flirting is the next step. But he found a big obstacle there... Charlie is a lesbian. So... Dean, with his knowledge about flirting... He decided to help her with that.

Okay... Flirting with a guy... Not big deal... He does it all the time with CAS... 😏🤣

Well... What is this scene? Does the producers choose to put Dean and the guard face to face while Dean is flirting indirectly with him?

Look at Dean's face... He's really enjoying this 😏💕 Bi!Dean people!

To Conclude:

Episode 18 and episode 19 had elements that could be taking as foreshadow of episode 8x07, when CAS come back from Purgatory, using Bobby again as a parallel, as they used him in season 6, remember?

Charlie was the character that exposed Dean as bi, being she a lesbian, and we saw a wonderful parallel between two brothers using their skills: Sammy as a cute nerd with Harry Potter and Dean flirting with a guy and teaching about eye fucking/contact.

Okay! I hope you enjoy this! It was short as I said. C-u in the next and last chronicle about season 7!! 😘💞

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @justmeand-myinsight @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper @shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname

If you want to be tagged in this list, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous Chronicles, here you have the links: Vol. XXV, XXVI, XXVII, XXVIII.

Buenos Aires, September 18th 2019 9:00 PM

[yfere]

Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E65

Why no one started singing the K-I-S-S-I-N-G tree song during this episode, I have no idea. Thank you to @alarnia and @softazelma for helping with data entry. Masterpost here.

+500 to Liam O’Brien/The Sympathy Vote If anything, the investigative report humanized the man, what with his agonized expressions, the hard choices he’s making, the deals, trying desperately to hold onto his friendships. Sam Riegel seems like a robot in comparison, with very long bits. #VoteWithYourJohnson #LiamForPresident

-100 to Marisha Ray/Trustworthiness as the person in charge of the investigation into Liam O’Brien’s campaign, we expect a certain amount of clearheadedness and integrity, which does not include getting high before giving testimony. Fire her from the case! #VoteWithYourJohnson #LiamForPresident

+23 to Jester/Yasha for an adorkable conversation about Yasha’s hard rock harping career, using the imagination to handle hard feelings together, as all good Jester ships should. The offer to wipe Yasha’s memory again if there’s anything she doesn’t want to know or remember #ThatsLove, and Yasha channeling Jester’s slightly unhinged love of animals and peacemaking by speculating they could offer the udak some scritches to quell its murderous impulses. Yasha quoting Jester only about 500 times a day, worshipping the ground she walks on, believing she has the power to heal the grass, and then placing that grass into her pressed flower book to remember the moment with #ArtisticSolidarity.

+31 to Beau/Yasha, with a few Battle Aftercare Points for Yasha helping up Beau after the fight, and for an even more emotionally charged watch conversation that resulted in a Ljore Drop from Beau. Talking about past loves and betrayals, the “types” that Beau prefers. Yasha appreciating Beau’s lack of judgment, Beau only slightly ineffectively wielding her I’m-Horrible-Too trump card, Yasha saying she’s “seen” Beau “a lot.” Floating the idea that it is actually possible to move on from Zuala’s death. Beau offering to help Yasha dig up the body, because that’s not weird at all, That’s Love. Darlings. Points taken away because the focus of the conversation was almost entirely on other people they love and have loved, and Jester, which brings us to…

+10 to Beau/Yasha/Jester, as in the launch of the second major intra-party poly ship in the shipping calculus lab, we have two wlw who spend a substantial amount of their Lesbian Bonding Time just talking about how beautiful and perfect and incredible Jester Lavorre is. Fuck Caduceus, this Literal Saint walking amongst them can heal grass with her spit and her “radiant glow”. With the same logic, we can expect that her toenails cure poison, her kiss brings you back from the brink of death…Also, Jester lending Verbal Support to Yasha’s physical support after the gloomstalker battle, as Beau wrestles with embarrassment over not having done anything

+10 to Caleb/Fjord/Jester as our second poly ship gains points with Caleb saving both Fjord and Jester from plummeting to their deaths and Fjord taking the chance to thunderstep them both up the tree again!

+17 to Jester/Fjord but as usual, Fjord’s contribution to the Rescue-the-Jester operation looks a lot flashier, so he gets more of the Romance Credit. Not only that, but many points for a competitive tree-climbing adventure straight out of a romance novel where Fjord’s Need To Impress The Love Interest gives him enough adrenaline to actually beat out Jester on athletics, swinging her up safely into the branches like a magical green Tarzan. Fjord (and Beau) being lovingly sketched in Jester’s book so she can remember the moment forever. Excellent Battle Couple vibes in distracting and shooting down gloomstalkers while on the moorbounders, not once but twice. Fjord also made an admirable attempt to Rescue-the-Jester during the first gloomstalker attack, but Caduceus got +6 to Cockblocking for immediately assassinating the charmed gloomstalker before Fjord’s spell did any good. Fjord yelling at Nott for not listening to Jester. Plenty of point loss, however, because Fjord is never going to learn to love Jester’s animals, losing his cool and yelling about what her “fucking animal is doing” STOP, Fjord.

+5 to Jester/Caduceus, for the aforementioned gloomstalker assassination, and being #Blessed alongside Yasha and Fjord, but point loss for Caduceus rolling his eyes at Jester’s well-meaning attempt to spit the grass to life and saying “that’s not how it works,” saying “that’s not how it works” about the scrying despite having never succeeded in doing it himself, and for Jester insisting that the massive tree is an evil “vampire tree,” much to Caduceus’ dismay.

+15 to Caduceus/Arts-n-Crafts for sweetly weaving a sunhat for Yasha while everyone else does dumb shit like nearly getting themselves killed, damaging a holy tree and antagonizing the largest bird of prey in  several miles’ radius. He’ll probably sit through whatever encounter happens next week continuing to weave that hat.

+20 to Sam Riegel/Heatstroke as he responds to Concerns over his sweating and over-warm getup by putting on more layers. I’d expect a President with some more self-preservation in him, but if he offs himself with poor costuming choices at least he’ll be taken out of the running, am I right? #VoteWithYourJohnson #LiamForPresident

+16 to Beau/Jester They also earn many Battle Points, as Jester sends her nastiest Guiding Bolts (according to Sam Riegel, an expression of love) rocketing towards the gloomstalker attacking Beau. Beau instantly thinking of Jester’s skill with art and asking her to copy the map, and Jester adorably sketching Beau as one of her favorite people up in the tree, besides thinking that Beau’s tree climbing skills are Incredibly Impressive, and sneaking alongside her and Fjord to get a better look at the roc nest. Point loss for Beau saying Jester’s map was “garbage” which, even though Beau meant the map itself and not Jester’s skill in copying it, Jester still took personally.

-10 to Caleb/The Mission as he confesses to “losing faith” during watch with Nott, feeling like they’re failing and they don’t know what they’re doing.

+25 to Caduceus/The Mission as despite the Wildmother telling him Things He Did Not Want To Hear during his Communing session, Caduceus gets a massive, massive sign he’s going in the right direction in the form of Melora’s tree, and a detailed vision of all the places he’s expected to go to when he sleeps that night.

+19 to Caduceus/Nature as Caduceus plays around in the dirt, pokes at some interesting moss for several minutes, and gets to hang out, utterly smitten with a massive tree that is the best thing ever look at it.

+4 to Caleb/Fjord as no one listens to Fjord’s desire for a short rest, and even his puppy eyes directed at Jester is not enough to sway them, until Caleb catches on to Fjord’s plight and uses his #ItPaysToBeADamselInDistress power to say he wants a short rest, and shift the party to his favor. Caleb wanting some light to read his now-apparently-waterproof book for the Tiny Hut, and Fjord eagerly offering to cast a spell to make Caleb and everything around him darker. It’s the thought that counts? Point loss for Fjord ignoring Caleb’s advice against antagonizing the chasing gloomstalkers.

-2 to Caleb/Cat-Shaped Creatures as asking Frumpkin-the-Vulture with his razor claws to knead and drape himself on people is not nearly as comforting as actually having a real-life cat do it. However, +10 to Caleb/Vulture Culture for that and for turning himself into a huge bird of prey to cart Nott around.

-5 to Jester/Cat-Shaped Creatures (also -5 to Jester/Pets) as despite attempting to comfort Yarnball after the first gloomstalker fight, Yarnball remains spooked enough to break formation when they encounter them again, at which point Jester channels Alison Hargreeves vibes by lying and using mind control to get the poor thing back in line.

-4 to Fjord/Caduceus as Fjord gets a special, potentially life-saving visit from the Wildmother in his dreams, delivering him for the moment from Uk’otoa….and repays her by fucking up one of her most sacred places on the planet with repeated wood-shattering Thundersteps. Caduceus can’t watch.

-40 to Fjord/Uk’otoa as Uk’otoa now has a schedule of bothering Fjord every one to two weeks. I shudder to think how Uk’otoa is going to react once the Wildmother can’t protect Fjord anymore, now that he’s escaped from their clutches once.

+1 to Fjord/His Inner Bard for motivational rapping of...questionable quality

+3 to Caleb/Caduceus as Caleb very sweetly refuses Caduceus “wasting” his light spells on him, asks him about his feelings towards the tree. Caduceus looking to Caleb before anyone else to see if investigating the turtle shell is a good idea.

+4 to Nott/Jester as Nott offers some excellent advice on how to get ones’ way—ask the same question over and over again until you get the answer you want, and if that fails, do what you want anyway. Jester being the Most Concerned with Nott’s drinking, and alongside Caleb successfully steering her away from a suicidal (though heroically romantic) standoff against the gloomstalkers. Nott helping Jester and the others float safely down, and instinctively trying to save Jester and Fjord during their first fall. Bonding over an appreciation for big square dicks, which would only, and I mean only count for point gains between these two individuals. Point loss for Nott calling Jester “crazy” and saying she’ll scar Luke for life, which is probably just a deflection but a hurtful one. Jester catching Nott after she fails to climb the tree and just barely managing to stop herself from being negative and saying “Good effort!” instead, because Jester can’t help but feel like it’s her job to Be Encouraging.

+30 to Nott/Keeping It Together Maybe as she’s totally fine, she’s just going to drink a lot and nearly kill herself trying to stand off against the gloomstalkers and go stealthing alone in the middle of the night and rip the heart out of her enemies—she’s fine guys. It’s all under control

+2 to Clerics/Loneliness, as both Jester and Caduceus are abandoned to take a watch alone. Even so, their love for the others shines through, with Jester phoning up Kiri, and Caduceus preparing breakfast for everyone.

+1 to Caleb/Jester as Caleb tries to gently defend Jester to Nott, a few different times—a difficult thing, to dissuade Nott of anything!

+25 to Nott the Best Detective Agency/Detective Work and Beau/Nerdom as Beau is the one to find the map of the area to have Jester copy, alongside Nott’s excellent vision catching Melora’s tree at a distance. Then, Nott’s investigation of the tree alone demonstrating Admirable Detective Curiosity, while Beau is the only person to recall exactly what the tree is and its significance to the Wildmother and the Calamity. Jester finding their target running his hands along some mountain in the Prenumbra Range, looking for the correct place to put the emblem that he bought from the scout courier.

+3 to Essik/The Mighty Nein as he is “proud” that they’re hanging out cheerfully in the middle of the Badlands. At this point Essik seems to have just accepted that they’re a dumpster fire and has resolved to pat them on the head so long as they do the bare minimum and keep themselves alive. A few days from now they’ll give him a call from the bottom of the ocean, yes yes that’s very good children, we’re very proud of you here and that’s what I’ll tell anyone who asks because it’s not like I staked any part of my reputation on backing you to the Bright Queen or anything.

[thedistrictsleepsalonetonight]

There was a girl, and I accidentally fell in love Chapter 1: It was summer when I saw your face, looked like a teenage runaway

You know how sometimes in the movies the first scene is the climax, and then the protagonist goes “To explain how all of this happened, I’ll have to take you back a few months, back to where Blah-and-blah did bleh-and-bleh, and consequently, I’m here”?  

Well, here I am, up on stage on Prom night, in front of a huge crowd of students, holding the hugest Teddy Bear in my right hand, an extremely colorful bouquet of flowers in my left, and just about to start declaring my undying love for the prettiest girl in the world, and I bet you’re wondering how I ended up like this.

Would you believe me if I told you it wasn’t my fault?

Probably not. You shouldn’t, that is. A lot of this story happened because I was an idiot, an insensitive idiot, a stupid insensitive idiot, and other unflattering descriptions of me that you will probably hear from my friends’ mouths. But I will say this: it did not start with me. I was not responsible for kicking over the first domino that resulted in this clusterfuck of lives in National City High crashing down on top of each other. That person, was Lex.

See, the thing is, despite all of it, I still love him. He’s my brother, no matter how much of an asshole he is. He likes starting fires and he can be terribly mean, but he’s always been sweet to me. He is the closest thing I have to a loving home, seeing as my real one consists of a Basilisk for a mother, and a ghost for a father. He’s the reason I am up at the very top of the food chain at school. His Jock-reputation carried over to me, and made it easier for me to not only survive, but thrive. I am Lena Luthor, sister of Lex Luthor, and life, is easy for me. I wouldn’t go as far as claiming that people threw flowers at my feet when I walked down the corridors, or that they bowed whenever I passed by, but it is true that I was untouchable. Even the fact that I was a lesbian didn’t get me any bullying. One stare from Lex and his huge biceps was enough to stop any in its tracks.

All in all, Lex is a pretty good brother. The only character flaw he possibly has is his utter loathing of Clark Kent.

That brings us to Clark Kent. Charming nerd. The best actor in our school. Voted Student with the most beautiful eyes in the world two years in a row. Falls in the category of Not Exactly Popular but Everyone Lowkey Likes Him. And the arch-enemy of Lex Luthor.

Nobody knows how it started. Rumor has it Clark once made the winning catch in their Little League team, and Lex hated him getting the attention. Rumor also has it that it started when Clark got to play Superman in the school play, back in fifth grade, winning the part from Lex, who had been harboring dreams of playing a superhero since, well, forever. People say a lot of things, but nobody knows exactly why they hated each other so much, me included. Every time I’d ask Lex about it, he’d smirk it off, and distract me with something else, and after a while, I gave up on asking, and accepted it as one of the enigmas of National City High.

Either way, that was the relevant bit of backstory that was needed for you to understand this entire sordid tale of romance. It all started when Lex Luthor opened his mouth, during lunch, and asked who the girl trailing behind Clark was.

Imagine the scene. It’s lunch. There’s a lot of people milling about, eating. People talk about the classes they have attended, the classes they have yet to attend, the teachers who made an idiot out of themselves and the ones who made idiots of the students. I was sitting at the table with the most Popularity per square area in the cafeteria, with my brother at my side, Sam sitting in front of me, juggling two apples, while Jack sat next to her, frantically completing his AP Math homework. Half of the football team players with their cheerleader girlfriends filled up the rest of the chairs

“Look at them,” Lex mused, biting thoughtfully at a Tater Tot “High School hierarchy in action. The geeks sit with the geeks, talking about Star Trek or Dungeons and Dragons or whatever the fuck they’re on these days.”

Settlers of Catan, I thought, but keep my mouth shut.

“There are the less-popular cheerleaders, the AV club nightmare freaks, the Glee club rapping like idiots, and there he is, the King of the assholes himself.”

I looked up to see Clark Kent walked into the room, and five of his fan girls trail behind him, swooning and giggling. I rolled my eyes at them, but I had to admit, I did see the appeal. He had that Lord of the Nerds thing going on, with his glasses and a pen tucked into his perfectly ironed shirt, and every straight girl in the college had, at least once in their life, been charmed by his smile. But that wasn’t what was bugging Lex today.

“Who is that?” he nudged my side, bringing me back from where I had been staring into space.

“Who?”

“That girl, behind Kent,” he told me, impatiently.

I saw Alex Danvers, stomping past all the annoying girls, looking as though she was just about one hair away from ripping everyone in her immediate vicinity apart.

“That’s Alex, dude,” Sam told Lex before I could open my mouth.

“No, you idiot,” he muttered. He took my head between both his hands, and physically turned it “Look. There.”

It took me a minute, and then I saw her.

You know those movies where guys see the girl, and it’s like a light bulb goes off in their heads, or violins start playing in the background, and the world slows down? It definitely didn’t happen for me. She was pretty. Blonde hair, tied up in a ponytail, large glasses over her face, and a humongous pile of books in her hands, she did the opposite of stand out.  She seemed to be in deep thought, and as we watched, tapped Alex’s shoulder to tell her something.

“That’s Kara,” Jack spoke up, suddenly, and all three of us turned to him “She’s in AP English with me. She’s Alex’s sister.”

“Since when does Alex Danvers have a sister?” Lex asked.

“Since her parents adopted Kara,” he said, then sighed at our dumbfounded faces “It’s like none of you have any idea what’s up.”

“Start. Speaking. Now,” Lex growled at him.

“So she is Clark’s cousin, and she’s apparently very tight with him, because her parents, the Danvers’ and the Clarks were really close. Her parents got into a car accident when she was young, and she’s been brought up by the Danvers ever since, and she was studying in some private school until now. She just transferred here.”

“How did we not know Alex had an adopted sister?” I wondered aloud.

“Because she’s Alex Danvers. Nobody knows anything about her.”

I nodded, and closed my eyes, topic already forgotten in my head. But Lex apparently wasn’t.

“Did you say she was close to Clark?” he demanded of Jack.

“Yes?”

I opened my eyes when I heard him chuckle. It wasn’t his nice chuckle. This spelled more doom than anything else.

“So hurting her would be hurting him?”

“Lex,” I warned him “Please don’t tell me you’re planning on killing a person. Because I will not approve.”

“No, no,” he rushed to reassure me “But think of how devastated he’d be if someone from Lex’s circle dated her and then broke her heart.”

There was a beat of silence, then both Sam and I chucked the objects in our hands at him simultaneously. Lex ducked both a pen, and a half-eaten apple.

“What?” he asked, bewildered.

“Nothing,” I said, and walked away.

**********

Now, in a perfect world, that would have been the end of matters. Not this one, though.

I’m still not sure what it was exactly that triggered both of them, but I got out of Physics just in time for a random kid to come running up to me and show me a video of Clark punching the lights out of Lex. I watched it for half a minute, and then I was off and running towards the principal’s office. They were both sitting outside, Lex bleeding from his nose, Clark with a black eye, already done with Principal Cat, by the looks of it. I heard my mother’s rising voice from inside and winced.

“She called Lillian, huh?”

Lex mumbled something that sounded close to an affirmation. From the corner of my eye, I saw Clark scowl at us, and move even further away.

I asked Lex what had happened, whispering the question to him.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, eyes still burning with righteous fury “But I hate him. God damn it, I hate him so much. I cannot walk this earth without having revenge.”

Well. That’s drama.

His voice had started rising, so I calmed him down by rubbing his back “I know, I know. Calm down, okay?”

He turned to look at me “Please tell me you’d do that?”

“Do what?”

“That thing I was talking about earlier.”

It suddenly clicked and I started shaking my head vigorously “Lex, no, no , that’s…..”

“Please, please, please, Lena,” he implored “I’ll do anything for you, I’ll……..I’ll get you that trip!”

I paused. There had been this science competition coming up in a city nearby, and I had an idea for a great project lined up, but Lillian, being mother of the year, had no intentions of letting me go.

“You can’t,” I told him “There’s no way you can convince her to let me go.”

“Lena,” he told me back, just as seriously “If there is anyone in the world who can convince her, it is her Golden Boy, aka me.”

I took fifteen minutes “Three or four dates. There will be no prank. No humiliation. I’ll just call it quits before it gets serious. But I’m serious, Lex, no humiliation.”

“Eh, I’ll take care of the rest,” he said which didn’t really sound promising, but I convinced myself I’d just break it up before she developed feelings for me. And it was a very good possibility she wouldn’t even want to date me. That would leave me off the hook.

“We have a deal,” I admitted, grudgingly, and he wrapped me up in a tight hug.

[indelible-stars]

aksjsksknsbsn i’m already lusting after the next vic and sam part (reading their story in the middle of the night while weeping because love exists is a mood)

well, lust no further!!

(read the story so far)

X - Vic

I shake my head at Sam while downing my drink. “Nope, no way.”

“You do!”

“I do not look like Hayley Kiyoko. Nu-uh. I wish.”

“I’m telling you, you are reminiscent of lesbian Jesus.”

We’re standing together in the corner of the party, me being a wallflower just for Sam. I’ve got myself a rum and coke (it’s disgusting I should not have been convinced into having it) and Sam has herself a Capri-Sun pouch because she’s iconic. The party in question is a mess as it always is, a fun mess but a mess nonetheless.

Everyone is being over-sentimental about it being the end of the show and acting as if we’ll never see each other again when that really isn’t the case. I’ll never get rid of this lot. But because of the sense of ending everyone is hooking up and/or drunk crying. It’s not like I can talk though because I plan to do the former and have already done the latter.

I’m about to continue our argument when yet another person comes up to me asking why I’m standing here, why I’m not dancing, etcetera etcetera. It’s funny how they don’t ask Sam. That they’re only asking me because it’s against the norm for me to be on the outskirts instead of in the centre of it all. I bet they’re all just going through shock that I’m not attention seeking.

Like typically I’d be the one arranging stupid games like the drunk musical chairs that everyone keeps fucking up or abandoning halfway through. But tonight I’m not even participating, but I’m happy I’m not because I’m with Sam.

“What the fuck,” Sam mutters beside me, and I turn from looking at the musical chairs fiasco to see what she’s looking at. The next culprit coming towards us is Heather who has a plastic skeleton under her arm.

“Heather, why do you have a skeleton wrapped around you?” I ask when she reaches us.

“Why don’t you?”

“Fair enough.”

Heather strokes the skeleton with care. “She’s my new lover. Don’t tell Jill.”

“I won’t tell Jill about your necrophilia I promise.”

“Thanks. Well, we’re going to go fuck in the toilets have fun.”

Heather wonders off but one word she says sticks in my head. An idea. An escape plan. “The TOILETS!” I burst out as if I’m saying Eureka.

“She was just joking,” Sam says patting me on the arm. “She’s not actually gonna fuck the skeleton.”

“I know that but… just come with me.”

“What?”

“Come with me,” I say taking Sam’s hand and leading her across the hall and in the direction of the toilets.

When we get inside, and the door is swinging shut behind us Sam asks, “And why did you take me here?”

I smile both nervously and giddily, “Just thought it’d be a bit more private.”

“I see. What do we need privacy for?” Sam starts walking closer to me. She takes a step forward, and I take one backwards. Forward, back, forward, back until I’m pressed against the wall with Sam in front of me. Exactly where I want to be.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” I say, but my voice is so full of lust I give myself away.

“Well if you’re not going to tell me…” Sam says teasingly turning as if she’s actually going to leave when our eyes keep meeting, and the atmosphere is hot.

I still grab onto her arm though and pull her back to me, even closer than before so I can feel her body on mine. The contact makes me want to burst, to explode, to melt into a puddle on the floor. Desire is in my veins, in the marrow of my bones, and I know it’s written all over my face.

“Does that answer your question?” I ask, and Sam licks her lips. A thrill goes up my spine.

“I think you might have to show me further what you mean. Just to clarify.”

“Is that so?”

“Mm-hm,” Sam hums nodding in agreement. I want to take hold of her jaw and make it, so the only movement her head makes is her lips against mine. I inch my hand towards Sam’s cheek until I have her face cupped and I’m softly stroking at her cheekbone.

Sam eyes flutter shut for a second and remain heavy-lidded as she leans into the palm of my hand encouraging me to close the flimsy distance between us.

And I’m about to, I’m almost there, when the door the toilets slams open and a group of the girls come hurdling in laughing and shouting about.

They take one look at us and the girl who plays Heather Chandler, Ashley, is gasping and saying, “Oh my god! Did you guys finally kiss?”

The drunken girls practically squeal, and they come up to us. I break away from the wall feeling bitter and frustrated, and the look on Sam’s face tells me she feels the same. Ashley gives me a celebratory slap on the ass, and I want to scream at her that she made there be nothing to celebrate.

I catch Sam’s eye, and I don’t need her to speak to know she’s saying, maybe next time. I’ve lost my chance of tonight. I swear this is the universe being homophobic.

[sardonicnihilism]

A Biography of the Woman Who Never Was

Part 5 The Older Woman

Chapter 3

Even with the best of intentions, when dealing with feelings of hurt and betrayal, people can become quite ugly. Sam and Shannon found themselves arguing over the least little thing. Sometimes their yelling at each other would cause Jerry and Tabatha to start crying. It was a miserable time.

Another compounding factor was Sam had confided to some work friends about Shannon coming out as a lesbian to him. One of the people he told, quickly spread the word around the office. Sam started getting lewd questions like if he was planning a threesome, or comments like, that's what happens when you don't lay the pipe right. The breaking point was when he was called into his bosses office and officers from Domestic Relations were there and asked if he thought his wife was sexualy molesting their kids.

He told his boss he'd had enough and would file a discrimination suit against the company if the harassment continued. A few employees got fired and the harassment stopped, but it still left him angry and bitter, which he blamed on Shannon.

Shannon, on the other hand, was dealing with her emotions of guilt. Sam was her best friend of all time and she really did love him; it just wasn't in the way he wanted or she had promised. She felt like she had put her entire family in a room with a time bomb and locked the door behind them. She felt like she was a complete failure.

Unfortunately, instead of talking to each other about their emotions and the stress that they were experiencing; they buried it all and took to make snide comments to each other and engaging in petty, passive aggressive behaviors. About once a week, they would have a massive argument over nothing, the kids would start crying and hide, and one of them would threaten divorce.

The final argument came when Tabatha accidentally spilled a pitcher of ice tea. Shannon, who was emotionally frayed, started screaming at her and in turn Sam started yelling at Shannon.

"Look at you fucking done! It was a bloody accident. You're fucking acting like it's the end of the fucking world! Just clean it up and move the fuck on!"

"Yeah, just like I fucking clean up everything else around this house! I do everything around here! I cook, I clean; hell, I do most of the repairs! What the fuck do you do? Except sit on your ass, watching TV?" Shannon yelled back.

"Oh here we go again! I've tried to help to help you before but all you did was complain I wasn't doing it right because I wasn't doing it your way! You like doing everything on your own so you can hold it over our heads! 'Oh, look at poor, suffering me! No one suffers like I do. Everyone hates me and takes advantage of me," he said in a mocking, falsetto voice.

"You ever stop and think of all the fucking shit you put us through with your constant yelling and bitching?" Sam asked in full rage.

"Oh, so I can't fucking complain? I can't express how sick and tired I am of being everyone's slave around here? You all seem to be able to fucking bitch about me all the fucking time!"

"Well maybe it's because you fucking deserve it!"

"Oh, this fucking shit again! Ok, I get it! I'm a fucking bitch, a liar, a fraud, a cunt! Alright? So either find something new to complain about or shut the fuck up because I'm damn tired of hearing this one!"

As the two glared at each other, the heard the kids crying and sobbing. They looked down at the couch and saw them holding each other, faces red, in utter fear and despair. It was then they turned back to each other, their faces going from shock to sadness.

"Bloody hell Shannon, I'm sorry. I shouldn't . . ." before he could finish, Shannon cut him off.

"No, I get it. I'm sorry." She then knelt down and put a hand on each one of their legs.

"Kids, sweeties, Mommy's really sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Daddy and I have been going through a rough patch here lately. We're trying to work it out, but it's kind of hard- really hard."

"Why? What's so hard you have to yell at each other like that?" Jerry asked in tears.

Shannon turned to Sam, her face asking if it was ok. Sam shrugged and nodded at the same time. Shannon nodded back and turned back to face the kids.

"Well, you see," Shannon paused to take a few deep breaths, "Mommy, I, am gay."

The kids suddenly stopped crying and looked at Shannon in confusion.

"It means that, I like other girls. I like girls the way I'm supposed to like Daddy. I tried liking Daddy in that way because girls who like girls aren't liked very much by other people, but I can't pretend to be something I'm not anymore."

The kids just looked at her even more confused.

"Ok," Jerry said hesitantly, "but you still like Daddy right?"

"I do. I love Daddy. He's my best friend. But, that's the only way I love him. I love him as a best friend, not as a husband. Does that make any sense?"

The kids shook their head no.

"The main thing kiddos," Sam said with strained positivity, kneeling down beside Shannon, "your mother and I love you both very much and we'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe and healthy. Sometimes we adults just get caught up in our stuff and we don't see the harm we're doing, but we see it now, and we're going to change. Alright then?"

"Promise," added Shannon.

The kids nodded, pretending to understand, but the confusion on their faces gave them away.

Over the next few months, things did improve. Sam and Shannon really started acting like a couple again, pulling together for their kids sake, Shannon became more open with her children about who she was, and everything seemed to be going well until the kids went back to school.

Jerry's grades dropped. He started acting out in class. He was constantly getting in trouble; getting into fights with the other students, even threatening to kill all the teachers and burn the school down. It was then Shannon and Sam were called in and told if they didn't get Jerry therapy soon, they were going to expell him. So, they found a pediatric therapist and made an appointment.

[tinselt-blog]

The Day I Became A Snake and Shed My Skin

This is probably going to be the toughest thing I have ever written, but that’s why I am going to write it. For those of you who don’t know I came out as lesbian when I was 18, and before that I just went along with whatever and people either knew or they didn’t. Take what you will from it. If you’re confused, then keep reading. This is a topic that I am currently dealing with, I came out before I was even really sure what made me gay and why I was gay, which I know is completely backwards. I normally do not get into my sexuality, it still makes me uncomfortable, which is so beyond dumb, but it does. This is my story. (It’s all over the place, my bad)

I was born a millennial (that is obvious), a generation more accepting of sexuality than any other generation. Realize how I said more and not totally accepting, I do want to get more into that. I grew up in one of those rich white suburban towns that all the TV shows joke about and that I joke about as well. Everyone had money, they all were popular, religious and went to church every Sunday. I was Jewish with hippie parents, so I already didn’t fit into the town model citizen. I was never really popular in school until about my Junior year, where everyone seemed to just suddenly like me, but that also could have been because I got into a music club that was very hard to get into and only 14-20 kids get in per year. Everyone knew me, and I knew everyone. Doesn’t mean I liked everyone, but I knew them. In my free times I would go from group to group saying good morning, having a quick conversation and then moving on to the next group. This year was so strange for me, because it was not like anything I had experienced in years prior. I had come into this year losing all of my friends simply because I realized I didn’t know who the fuck I was. I went into Junior year still not sure of who I was. In this year, I had met a girl, and this girl and I had known each other on and off before, she was younger than me, so we never really hung out, and this girl (this is embarrassing if she’s reading this, but to be honest I’m mature enough not to care at this point) anyways, this girl was very openly bisexual, something I had never even considered myself. Up until this year I thought it was perfectly normal to find a girl sexually attractive and not think twice that a straight girl could look at another girl and find her attractive, but not sexually attractive. I have no clue what the fuck I was thinking, but we are going to roll with it. Let’s give this girl a name, we’ll call her Sam. Sam, was very flirty, she had a boyfriend, but it didn’t stop her from flirting with other people. She would often cuddle with me or kiss me on the cheek between classes and I had no clue why. At some point I realized I would get really nervous all of a sudden, something I had never felt before with a guy and I guess I just assumed it was because I hadn’t found the right guy yet (spoiler alert, I would never feel that with a guy.) This is a point in my life where although I was doing pretty well in every aspect of my life, I had some issues with drugs (I wrote a story on this, so you guys can learn all about it pretty soon. I decided to hold off on it, because this is the biggest thing currently happening in my life.) I would smoke every night and take cough syrup during the day. It became such a habit to take cough syrup to school and take it in the bathroom between classes. Sam was also involved in drugs, she was just starting out on things and I would hang out with her and do these drugs and that was that. One night while I was alone, I got high and today was not a particularly good day. I can’t tell you what happened, but I remembered coming home upset. I smoked like normal, and then I started watching a movie where in the movie someone came out at some point and I realized that the girl in the movie was me. I stopped and thought to myself this isn’t true, I’m straight, I know I’m straight. The more I thought, the more I realized, holy fucking hell, I like her. Fuck I like Sam. I knew I had opened Pandora’s box and what had come out, would never go back in. The following day, I remember so perfectly. I remember what I wore, what my schedule was, what day of the week it was. It was a Tuesday and I was wearing an orange sweater with 4 tank tops underneath because I felt like I had to bind myself together. I felt like I was spilling from all sides and that the skin that had once held me together was gone. I was a snake and I had shed my skin. I remember my math teacher first period yelling at me to pay attention, because I wasn’t paying attention to the board, I was paying attention to whatever the fuck my life was now. What was my life in that moment, I don’t know. I used to have this school guidance counselor, whom I used to see fairly often, like I previously said I struggled a lot with finding myself. He had heard that I wasn’t focused in class and that I should take a breather with him, and so I did. He tried to talk to me a little bit about how I felt and what was possibly going on inside my head. We sat for a long while before the words were able to slip through my lips that I was gay. I began to cry, and he patted me on the shoulder and made sure I knew I wasn’t alone. But I felt alone. The world it had stopped Monday night. It was the first time those words had been said out loud and hearing them from me, made them all the more real. It was scary to realize that the life you had created for the past 16 years was fake and that the future you had planned was just not going to happen. It’s like the ground of reality that you once stood on wasn’t real and the trap door opened. When I first realized this truth about myself, old memories flooded in. They were everywhere, and my thoughts were consumed by this boulder that had hit me out of nowhere. Memories I had never once second guessed, memories that once meant nothing, now meant everything. Some of these memories I hadn’t thought about in years. I remember being 6, in the car with my mom and asking her if I could marry the girl I had a crush on in first grade. I remember her telling me of course. I asked her why you never really saw two ladies as a couple and her reply to me was, “the world just isn’t ready yet.” I remember making my girl Barbie’s marry, as insignificant as that seems. I had a boy Barbie, but I still made the girls marry. That’s because when I would think about marriage to a man, I would feel nauseous, and I had even planned on not getting married at all if that’s what it would feel like, which is a big deal for someone to think before they turn even 10 years old. I remember being 11 when I first saw a girl I was attracted to, but like really attracted to. These memories were forgotten until I woke up from my dream. After this day, I spent the next year feeling this way, the next year feeling confused, the next year asking myself the same damn questions. I could only allow myself to test the waters, I didn’t want to give up on the idea that I wasn’t “normal”. It felt like I had been sentenced with one more thing that made me different and all I could think of was that it would just be another thing people would use as an excuse to hate me. I was afraid this new-found sense of universal belonging would disappear. And it did. Sam was not everything I expected, and I ended that on my own terms. I think she knew I liked her, and that doesn’t bother me. I went all the way up to a certain point and I called it quits, because I didn’t want to be with someone who was just as confused as I was, which now I look back and know how wrong that sounds. I don’t regret not going for it, and here is why. Sam, much like me, was curious about who she was supposed to be. Her unlike me, was able to fit in seamlessly with her sexuality being what it is in my school. I, was not. I thought if I was going to discover myself, that I would do it with someone I found confident, someone I spent the time getting to know. My senior year came along. I had a rough start. A new member was added to my club. I won’t talk much about her, because I don’t really care to, just know she was a large part of this time in my life. Basically, I met her and found her the most confident person in the world. She was comfortable with her sexuality, something I was always jealous of. However, one thing led to another and we were a couple. I was so scared that I had diarrhea for a week. When I finally got the confidence to ask her out, we went out. I remember this one time being on a date and running into people from our school, and they stared at us as we ate our food. It made me feel so sick, I couldn’t finish my meal. But that was it, I was out. Everyone who stared knew, I was assumed gay by a lot of kids in my school and she was very gay and very open. When the two of us were together, it wasn’t even a question of why we were together. The relationship lasted awhile. I learned to be free. To kiss in public and get yelled at by an old man for it. To hold hands in the open and have parents shoot us dirty looks. To ask her to prom publicly and take a million photos with her. It felt better knowing I wasn’t going through this alone. When it ended, it was the first time I had felt hurt at the end of a relationship, and that’s how I knew I was genuine The question still stood of what I was, but I knew for sure that I wasn’t straight. I think I was so scared to come out, because when I was 11 and just realizing that maybe I was gay, someone abused that. Some girl took my innocence away from me and I so desperately did not want to be like her or seem like I liked it, that I pretended that brief moment of question in my life didn’t exist. The idea that any girl touching me the way she had, frustrated me, made me angry. The fear was only overcome when I had changed my thinking with a girl I trusted. Things didn’t stay that way however, when I graduated, I made the decision to move from the beautiful, liberal North, to the deep, deep south in New Orleans, Louisiana. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. Before going to school, I had to recloset myself. People always ask why, and the answer is simple, I would rather not get killed over something I couldn’t control. Before people call me dramatic, understand that unless you have lived there, you haven’t heard the anti-gay rally stories, bullying stories and so forth. New Orleans is known to be quite forward or progressive, meaning it moves a little faster than any other part of the south. It’s still extremely southern and surrounded by a lot of stand still towns, very set in there way. My first weekend there, it was a holiday weekend and I went into the French Quarter, a tourist attraction of Louisiana and was greeted by an anti-gay rally where all the men were holding picket signs of bible quotes and screaming “lynch the fags!” I wish I was joking, but I had included a link to a few photographs for your curiosity (in a seperate post, go check it out on my page @tinselt-blog). The south made it impossible to question myself. I knew very lovely people, whom I love to death to have that ability to be out down there, but I couldn’t handle it. I felt too afraid to say anything. I had to keep asking myself who I was and my parents (forgot to mention coming out to them, they were unphased) were constantly trying to also see who I was, made me push the question away. I held that question down for a very long time. It took a very drunken night at the end of the year with a boy to realize. To get almost all the way there and call it quits, as embarrassing as that was to realize. I realized that even though he was a stranger, that if I felt anything for a man, it would most definitely be drunk. It made me realize that every date with a guy, every boyfriend I had ended up being a throw away. I never felt connected and I felt absolutely nothing when we broke up. So, here I am. Today. I held that fucking question down so long, let the answer slip out and now I have to face reality. I never really came out, and from the little I did I shoved back away.

So, as all over the place as that was, I am writing this simply because I am still confused. Yes, I am the idiot who publicly stated that I was gay before actually realizing why I was gay. I know it’s backwards. I’m shaking as a write this, because like how it felt to say the words out loud for the first time, I feel writing it makes it seem just that bit more real. I know it’s been 3 years, but it’s something I think I will never 100% fully understand, and I believe that as long as I can make it to at least 99.9%, then I will be ok. This is the basic story of my realization, I plan to write about the thoughts and feelings I am currently dealing with that made me want to write this. It took me 3 hours and a lot of tears to write this wordy ass fucking story that a lot of people don’t really know about. But now anyone can know it, so…

[alleyesonthehindenburg]

The Two-Person Pride Parade

(or, in honour of Pride Month, the West Wing fic I’m too lazy to properly write)

Okay this got wayyyyy longer than I meant it to be, but here it is, my not-quite-a-fic fic. I may write more if I feel like it? Warnings for allusions to period-typical homophobia (late 1990s-early 2000s)

From the minute Toby brings CJ onto the campaign, she and Josh are dancing around each other.

There’s just something sitting at the back of her mind. It’s not until she overhears Josh talking to his assistant Donna that she recognises it – it’s the same thing that drew her to Joanna Leed in ninth grade, the best friend who became the girlfriend; it’s the same thing that led her to a group of nerds at UC Berkeley, the nerds who became the first community she ever knew. She figures it out because Josh is talking about a date, and he never uses a single pronoun. She figures it out because she’s been doing it since she was sixteen.

At some point, gay rights come up in Governor Bartlet’s debate prep, and there’s a split second where she catches Josh’s eye. They exchange a look, and it’s all they need. CJ knows that, for however long this lasts, he’s the only person who can know, and the only person who needs to know.

They don’t actually speak about it until Governor Bartlet has become President-Elect Bartlet. It’s ten to midnight, the first of what CJ assumes will be many, many late nights in the West Wing. They’ve been unpacking their offices all day, and CJ has invited the four younger members of the senior staff - herself, Josh, Toby and Sam - for a beer on her brand new couch. Toby’s wrapping something up with Leo, and Sam’s been sent to get the booze, which leaves CJ and Josh alone.

“So, we’re in the White House,” Josh says. It’s still early days; that sense of awe hasn’t worn itself out yet. CJ’s not sure it ever will.

“We’re in the White House,” she agrees. “Holy shit. We’re in the White House.”

That sends them into a fit of slightly hysterical laughter, and CJ thinks vaguely that she should try to get more than four hours of sleep tonight.

Eventually Josh sobers, and CJ can tell by the pensive look on his face just what he’s thinking about. “So, if the press catches wind of, you know, me…”

“Just don’t let them,” she says firmly, like it’s that simple.

“Uh-huh.” He nods, and looks down at his hands. “We’ve really given up any chance at a private life here, haven’t we?”

“We all have.”

“Yeah, but.”

She sighs, and leans back against the couch, closing her eyes. Lets herself think about it for the first time. No community clubs or bars, that’s for sure. No public dates, or at least not ones that look like dates. No plus ones at galas or weddings or speeches. “Yeah, Josh. We’ve really given it up.”

He’s quiet for long enough that she opens her eyes to check if he’s fallen asleep. After a minute he turns to face her head on, and says, “CJ, I’m bisexual, and you’re probably the only person I’ll tell that to for the duration of this administration.”

She sits up, because now that he’s said it, she realises this might be the last time she can speak the word for a long time. “Josh, I’m a lesbian.”

They shake hands, because it feels like the right thing to do, and Josh smiles. “I think we’ve just started a two-person pride parade.”

CJ laughs, and Sam arrives with the beer.

They knew working at the White House was never going to be easy, but neither of them expected how it would feel like such a kick in the teeth sometimes. After Lowell Lydell is beaten to death, CJ finds Josh at her doorstep with a six pack of beer. They have to run out for more before the night is up, but it helps, and it becomes something of a tradition.

They’re at the hospital, waiting for news on Josh, when CJ meets Cristina Feltsman.

Cristina is a nurse who usually works the daytime shift; she volunteered to come in when she heard the president was shot. CJ spends a whole forty-five minutes talking to her, and she doesn’t even realise it until Toby comes looking for her. Six days later, CJ’s visiting Josh when the on-duty nurse comes in to check his vitals. They talk, Cristina scribbles out her number on the unused napkin from Josh’s lunch. Josh spends the rest of CJ’s visit grinning and waggling his eyebrows at her.

Dating is a goddamn ordeal. First CJ has to work up the nerve to actually call, then she has to flirt (Josh is in the room for one of those calls and she kicks him out because he’s howling with laughter), then she sets up the date - dinner at her place, followed by a movie in a suitably darkened theatre. The first date goes well. So does the second, and at the end of the third, CJ decides it’s time to have The Talk.

The Talk is really, really not fun. Explaining that she can’t be out, and she probably can’t even be seen hanging around someone who’s out, just in case. She can’t go to gay clubs, or gay bars, or gay anything. The job has to come first, the president has to come first, and I know this sounds shitty but do you still want to date me?

And somehow, miraculously, Cristina says yes.

Josh doesn’t consider himself very observant. He goes to the synagogue on the high holidays, and he goes to appease his mother whenever she’s visiting, but for the most part he’s not very religious.

But when your entire world is collapsing around you because it turns out the president may have committed a massive fraud against the American public and has drawn you into what’s basically a coverup, well. Josh stops by Toby’s office on Friday night, and the next morning he finds himself sitting in a synagogue.

It’s only after the service that the man who was sitting to his left introduces himself. Anthony Cohen, it turns out, is an adjunct professor of political science at Georgetown University, and he asks if there are any updates on the president’s secret plan to fight inflation.

For the first time since that whole gaffe happened, Josh finds the question funny instead of annoying.

Still, he’s mindful of Toby nearby, so he keeps it professional. Too professional, actually, because for a second it looks like Anthony’s going to end the conversation, and Josh panics and asks him to get a coffee some time. “To talk about, you know, political science,” he clarifies.

Political science turns into economics turns into the neighbourhoods they grew up in turns into anything and everything. Josh kind of gets now why CJ never shuts up about Cristina.

They’re in the Oval Office when it falls apart.

Everyone is in the Oval Office, in fact – Leo, Toby, Sam, even the President. They’re discussing the results of the Republican primaries and Josh is on a roll, he’s on fire, nothing can bring him down –

Except CJ walking in with a look on her face, and he says, not too worried, “What’s up?”

“I just got off the phone with Cristina,” she says, slowly. “There’s been a shooting at Georgetown.”

The smile freezes on Josh’s face. Distantly he hears Leo getting on the phone behind him, demanding information, but Josh can’t take his eyes off CJ. “So,” and his voice cracks, and he has to clear his throat before he can try again, “so, did – is, is Anthony…?”

“Maybe we should step into my office,” she says, and great, now Sam and Toby are giving them weird looks.

Josh shakes his head, the distance between the Oval Office and CJ’s suddenly insurmountable. “CJ.”

“Anthony’s in critical condition. They’re doing everything they can.”

“Okay,” he says. His brain is stalled but he’s moving on autopilot, heading for the door before CJ puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “What are you doing? I have to go.”

“Josh,” and he can see tears in her eyes, why is she crying, “they won’t let you in to see him.”

Oh.

His knees finally give out at that and he can’t breathe. Distantly he sees CJ’s face in front of his, feels someone’s hands - Sam’s? - bracing his shoulders, but his vision is getting blurry with tears and all he can think is Anthony’s parents don’t know.

They won’t let Josh in, because they don’t know, and even if they did it wouldn’t matter because they have no fucking rights to each other -

The next few minutes are bit fuzzy in Josh’s memory, but eventually he finds himself on the couch with his head between his knees and Leo’s steady voice telling him to breathe, Josh, breathe.

Because he just had a meltdown in the Oval Office.

Again.

“Oh my god,” he says. The worry for Anthony is still a tight, horrible knot at the pit of his stomach, but for now he focuses on the fact that he might have just outed himself to the President of the United States. “Oh my god.”

“Relax, Josh,” comes CJ’s voice, and he spares a second to think thank fuck for lesbians before he sits up.

Leo and Sam are on the couch across from him, twin looks of concern on their faces, and CJ’s sat next to him, rubbing circles on his back. “Uh. Where’s the President? And Toby?”

It’s Leo who answers. “The President’s taking calls in my office right now. Toby’s gone to abuse government power and find out how Anthony’s doing.”

“Toby guessed it was the Anthony from his synagogue,” CJ says, preempting the question. In other words: I haven’t told them.

They sit in silence for a solid ten minutes, Josh focusing on his breathing, CJ’s hand firm on his shoulder. Eventually the door flies open and the president marches in, Toby a step behind him. Everyone’s on their feet, Josh included, and Jed’s barely at his desk before Josh says, “Mr. President I am so sorry, I should have -”

“Josh.”

“Yes, Mr. President?” His voice feels scratchy.

“That wasn’t concern for a friend just there.”

For a second Josh thinks he’s about to start hyperventilating again, but he works past it. “No, Mr. President.”

Jed nods, and looks over to CJ. “Who is Cristina?”

There’s not even the tiniest hesitation in CJ’s voice as she answers. “My girlfriend, Mr. President.”

“And Anthony?”

And, well, if CJ’s going to make the jump Josh isn’t about to let her fall alone. “My boyfriend, Mr. President.”

The silence at that stretches out long enough to be uncomfortable, until Leo clears his throat. “Is Zoey alright?”

“She’s fine. A bit shaken up, but they’re bringing her here.” Jed still hasn’t looked away from Josh and CJ, but the contemplation in his gaze seems to be directed inwards. “I have to ask, have I ever done anything to suggest that being gay would negatively affect your careers in this White House?”

“Of course not,” Josh breathes, as CJ gives a vehement no. “It’s not about that.”

“The public isn’t ready for this,” CJ says. “Every single LGBT issue we’ve ever handled would be called into question.”

“No one would think we could be objective.”

“You could fire a nuke at London and the press corps would be more interested in the fact that I’m a lesbian.”

“It wouldn’t be too good for Anthony or Cristina’s careers either.”

“No, probably not,” the president says, but they have to have said something right, because he sits down.

“You still could have told us,” Sam says sullenly, but Josh is already turning to Toby.

Toby nods, expression indecipherable. “He’s in surgery now, but they think he’s going to make it.”

Josh has to close his eyes against the overwhelming relief for a moment. “Okay. That’s good.” Now that the initial panic has subsided, everything just feels surreal. Anthony got shot, and Josh just told the president that he’s queer. It’s like a goddamn soap opera.

“Leo,” Jed says.

“Yep?”

“Don’t you think it would look good for the president and some of his senior staffers to visit the victims of a shooting?”

Leo grins, and it’s infectious, like a weight’s lifted from everyone’s shoulders. “Yes, Mr. President, I think that would be pretty good.”

[krakenator]

CHAPTER 9 aka “Let’s go lesbians!”

SPOILERS are sprinkled around extremely liberally for The Property of Hate

Masterpost here

Melody and Julienne join The Party! A singer, a dancer, and an actor make a triple threat baby!

Though the true triple threats out there are the people who can do all those things. I would put myself as an example but said Real Threats are people who can do it all well

…y’know we haven’t seen RGB dance but… it would not surprise me. My god. That’s why he’s so strong. He dances

Maybe the real triple threat was the object-heads we met along the way

Still on that opening page though, have I talked enough yet about Melody’s dialogue? Because a glissando is an excellent way to convey and agreeable hum.

Wow parents really were right that tv would rot my brain look at this poor doggo

Yo yo yo that’s the snail from the Pool of Tears in chapter 2!

So all I need to do to get Inspired is to lick a technicolor dream-snail, got it

Oh damn it, it’s a bright idea

Ey the picture frame clouds are back. Wow they are moving fast- heckuva wind

Oh yeah and TOby’s there. Enjoy the view lil buddy

Looks like the armchair Hero slept in at the House of Paint’s become more realized as a What. Wonder why it’s heading down to/past the Pool of Tears

How often do you think someone in this world goes to, like, hang their coat only to realize the coat-racks missing and just go “oh damnit it went sentient and wandered off. Well. Inconvenient. But godspeed I guess”

So I know the ball and chain Hero’s fashioned for her TV guide (FUCKIN JUST REALIZED THAT ONE) is rolled like like a yarn ball, but my boat-brain looked and it and said “monkeyfist. Big ol’ monkeyfirst for swinging around. Throw RGB REAL far”

How is modmad so good at speechbubbles. RGB’s shaken text/box is hilarious. Melody’s notes are connected by a beam, she’s beaming

rekted for the 11th time in 4 days

This is a good opportunity to take a moment for me to appreciate modmad’s HANDS. RGB’s hands are always exquisitely drawn. Like, the third panel especially, goddamn. Second appreciation is how damn expressive RGB is. I gushed about my love for the wives designs last chapter, I guess it’s finally time for RGB’s turn

For having NO ACTUAL FACE the man is supremely easy to read as a character. He doesn’t have eyes, yet you know when he’s smiling for real anyway! Looking back at the first few pages, that’s SUCH a fakey-fakers smile to the genuine ones seen throughout the rest of the comic. Combined with his body language- just fantastic

And then! The drooling! The initial reason I wanted to do a more thorough reread was when I realized the colors correspond to emotions and whatever RGB is feeling most strongly in any given moment, those are the colors he drips. Which is! Fantastic! It gives yet another avenue by which to see RGB’s character and an excellent supplement when the man is, again, emoting with NOT-A-FACE

His antenna crack me up. They start the comic so straight. So ironed out and spiffy and like 3 days into his newest Hero they are chronically crinkled up like tissue paper. It gives him this impression of being completely frazzled at all times, which. accurate

Back to your daily scheduled TPoH though; eeey, Assok’s speech-texture has some black triangles in here for copying Julienne’s words!

Yikes. RGB’s tried to take Heroes back before huh. Considering he hasn’t given up on his “save this doomed world” plan after all this time, how absolutely/repeatedly disastrous was “get my friend back home” for him to concede it as impossible??

Aaaand we’re off to the races Market!

RGB: LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO!!

BIG DAMN SMOOCH! YES!! LOVELY! Also Julienne’s resting the blunt side of her knife on Melody’s head and I’m die

Melody’s dialogue is the symbol for a “natural” note. She’s replying “naturally, duh” to RGB’s question

If Julienne wasn’t already married to Melody I’d seduce that big instrument lady myself

Accept the compliment Assok! You did good!!

Random thought and back to RGB being stealth STRONK- Hero found the [—–] to be heavier than it looks and yet RGB is walking around with it all tied to one foot completely unimpeded

Im fucking snorting. The way RGB says “…that’s the sea.” Like he can’t believe Hero is being this dumb. If course it’s the sea! Obviously!

NO RGB, NOT OBVIOUSLY

D’you think if RGB saw how water and seas behave in our world he’s be equally bewildered as I was the first time I read this page

So I took the time to look up Julienne’s name and now im BIG MAD. Julienne is a way of cutting things into long thin strips! It’s a fucking culinary pun!!

Y-yo… that’s just a big damn eye.

AND/OR an impact crater. Except the ground they’re standing on wouldn’t be flat if that were the case

But it is also DEFINITELY a fairy ring, as the next page describes this is EXACTLY how fairy rings work

K so this entire page is just that one verse from “Cover is Not the Book”

Bruh. This looks like myelin sheaths on nerve axons. Myelin is an insulator just like [—–] is described to be! Except the metaphor ends there because myelin is supposed to be there and protects the axon/accelerates signal speed. Assok is basically chewing nodes of ranvier into existence instead of the breaks between myelin forming naturally. And that’s my degree put to use for the week

Also HEY. I had the thought earlier that the sick tree might be a Yggdrasil thing but didn’t put said thought down cause there wasn’t a whole lot behind it save for “big tree, big big tree”. But NOW it turns out there was a small SERPENTINE creature CHEWING AT ITS ROOTS

ASSOK’S THE NIDHOGGR

Everyone: RGB smart?? as if. RGB: EXCUSE-

absolutely huge mood there buddy

HEY MODMAD. TURN ON YOUR LOCATION WE GOTTA TALK ABOUT PAGE 162 FORESHADOWING HOW RGB BELIEVES THE SUCCESSFUL HERO’S JOURNEY HAS TO END

Hero is the flower that will die even though she’s saved the World >:(

“all flowers must die to complete their purpose” is also a funny phrase to be throwing around when Negative’s presence sprouts blue roses which shatter apart when he leaves

“Flowers need roots to live”, further implicating Negative as the (ha ha) root cause of the blue roses and vines. and we again see here, the flowers die but the branches they bloomed from remain

ALSO consider the flowers seen around characters heads when they dream/are asleep- those flowers also must go away when people wake up

Taking this a step further, Negative can be further associated with RGB’s subconscious/being unconscious by his flower-spawning

Lesbians Fight TV-Dad for Custody of Daughter

It’s “make fun of RGB hour” on TPoH and im living. Sharp, sour, cheesy poop indeed

Gotta remember to contrast this against when Hero actually drinks his colors later

gotta remember that this is 4 PEOPLE THAT RGB HAS FUCKED OVER BANDING TOGETHER TO GIVE HIM SHIT. LIKE, HE’S KIDNAPPED THEM ALL, HE CAN’T COMPLAIN

Under the sea, under the seeea~

Uh oh. UH OH THAT’S A SCISSOR BLADE

UH OH

Melody shouted in sforzando but it’s already too late ;_;

Oh! And the notation on top- that tells you to use a mute. God dammit

I knew this was coming and yet I am devastated anyway. goodbye my sweet wives your time was too short. Please come back one day

It’s also notable that Hate cut them out right at the border before the third and final protection on the Market begins. We know later that the darkness blots them entirely out of Hate’s view, so if they’d made it just a bit further She wouldn’t have been able to capture them like she just has

D’you think RGB knows exactly what’s happened to them?

If bodies of water are another form of Good Protection, then Fears hanging around the Pool of Tears is doubly weird

Yikes tho good thing Hero hopped off, can you imagine if Hero had gotten snipped away alongside her moms?? Terrible

Jeebs are you telling me that Hero would have eventually started to fade if she’d carried that pile of [—–] long enough?! RGB! BAD DAD! GET ‘IM HERO

Then again, this means he was probably planning to carry it himself most of the way. He has certain advantages after all- he overgenerates color for himself. It’s probably why he lasts as long in the storm of Nothing as he does…

Oh no OH NOOOOO ASSOK HEARD MELODY’S SHOUT

Is that-? Could it be-? By jove, it is. RGB IS INITIATING AFFECTION AND COMFORT EVERYONE! YEEEEEEAH, MAKE UP FOR THAT BAD-DAD BEHAVIOR!

HEY NOW WAIT THE FUCK A MINUTE THERE- BUTTERFLY SHADOW

HEY. Her schism’s opening back up! Nothing on page 166, but once Julienne and Melody are gone in page 167 we see it starting to open back up

!! RGB OFFERS HER HIS HAND? HIS PHYSICAL, ACTUAL HAND?? HELLO????

And the third return of “just this once” is killing me dude

Poor Assok get scronch

Girl what makes you think TOBY and JULIENNE trust RGB?! Additionally, why are you including Dial on the list?! Is he just That Charming?

IN FACT,  every single person Hero just listed? RGB has personally ruined their life! he’s killed ALL of them! HERO I UNDERSTAND YOU’RE 6 BUT

Hero trusts Dial oh no. this can only result in bad things

Butterfly, flying off in defeat: goddamn fucking idealistic children making it hard for me to steal them away and end their story, come on! Dump the chump and let me end you!!!!

Back on that schism though- it opened up once they started fighting at the sun tree, and just now when the wives disappeared. I would say it’s ripped open by experiencing fear, but it definitely was not open when Hero saw Neggy Boi wrecking shop

Join me in the next chapter when our intrepid duo speedrun Pajama Sam: No Need to Hide When It’s Dark Outside! 

[mysteriouslypeculiar]

tagged by @cacoethesist Rules: Answer the questions and tag 20 blogs you’d like to get to know better. Nickname: So many holy fuck. Girl scouts call my Dragon lady, Dragon, or Dragonfly. My dad calls me monkey, goose, monkey goose and any combination of these you could possibly think of. My real name is Samantha. My friends call me Sam or Sami. Star Sign: Capricorn Height: 5′ 2″  Time right now: 11:55 pm Last Thing I Googled: Why do people hang shoes from telephone wires? Fave Music Artist: Pentatonix Stuck in My Head: Ballad of Sara Berry Last Movie I Watched: some horror movie prob Last TV Show I Watched: Does Stranger Things count? What I’m Wearing RN: a fuschia shirt, sheepie pajama pants and a shit ton of fantasy-style jewelry When I Created This Blog: 4 years ago. wow. I’m still here.  The Kind of Stuff I Post: OH BOI. *shruggs*  Do I Have Any Other Blogs: look at my blog. does that mass of jumbled fandoms look like I spend time on other blogs? Do I Get Asks Regularly: HAAHAHAHA.  Why Did I Choose my URL: I am mysterious and I am peculiar. Next. Gender: girl? maybe? Yes?  Hogwarts House: slytherin Pokemon Team: Squirtle Fave Color: dark colours like garnet and deep green. I also like light shades of purples and blues.  Avg Hrs of Sleep: lately, since it’s winter break, I’ve been getting like 12. But on a normal day, I get like 9.  Lucky Number: 333 Favourite Characters: Listen, I love every one of the children from MPHFPC, I also love Luna Lovegood from HP, and I really love FANON Pansy Parkinson. (like, when she’s less bitchy.) Number of Blankets I Sleep With: I have a comforter and a soft& fluffy blanket. I also sleep with like a million pillows & stuffed animals Dream Job: I’d love to be an author. But recently I’ve been thinking about opening the first lgbt+ cafe. I’m gonna make a post about it later, I think. Following: 1,357 tagging: @geekandnerdsruletheworld @hufflepufffiona  @smol-ginger-lesbian @dyslexicspaceotter @unknownshadowthing  @davespriteship  @splookyhomo @notawhiteteethteen @goon @2muchtroubleforyou @rosequarttz @humanfruitsalad @danisnotonfire and I’m bored now. If you see this post, make one. I’m tagging you.