i write so you know i love you
🧺 #27: "handwritten letters" with akaashi for @shobvrry :D
the first letter akaashi wrote for you was a short, anxious confession slid into your locker, folded neatly with a star sticker to keep it shut.
i just wanted to say i like you, and i’d like to take you on a date sometime if that’s okay with you. please don’t worry if you don’t feel the same way, but also please pretend you didn’t read this if so. thanks for being my friend. i’ll see you tomorrow :)
he didn’t expect to see you waiting for him after practice that day, the familiar paper in hand. with his ending request, among a dozen catastrophizing explanations stood one reasonable for your presence—
“i like you too, ’ji,” you said a little faster than practiced, heart stumbling at the sight of him.
it was sunset as you held the letter in one hand, and for the first time, keiji’s hand in the other on your way home—pink and orange ribbons of light finding a temporary home in interlocked fingers and brushing arms.
the confession is still carefully tucked away in a box of other gifts and letters you’ve received—the first in a section just from him. he could’ve easily texted at least a third of them, you pointed out once, a few days before your first anniversary, but he only shook his head. it was the romanticism of it all, and—
“what if you texted back right away? i wasn’t ready to handle that, i probably would’ve thrown up or ran away or something.”
his feelings after your first date, a request to see you after school a month after, then the letter celebrating your one month anniversary exactly 31 days later.
they built and built—words pulled from an endless well of love and poetic prose in hopes of capturing just how much you meant to him. you still like flipping through them all, on anniversaries or an otherwise insignificant thursday afternoon.
seeing the different decorations and envelopes and letter lengths throughout the years, only keiji’s handwriting remains the same throughout. it’s the same one that writes “i hope these aren’t sour,” “don’t forget your project by the printer,” “i hope you have a good day :),” and i love you, i love you, i love you.
so when your four year anniversary nears and he makes a remark about his gift, you ask “another letter for me?”
keiji stills, fingers slowing down as they flip the next page in his novel—dostoevsky, you think. his index and thumb start to pull the corner (not enough to fold, but reminiscent of what he does to the hem of his shirt when he’s nervous anyway.) “maybe?”
he fixes his posture, sitting up straighter on the couch. “is that…i know i write them a lot, huh? would you like—”
“no!” you shake your head. “no, i like the letters a lot, keiji, i promise. i just,”—you move next to him and frown—“i hope you don’t feel like you have to write them, you know? i don’t know how your hands don’t hurt a lot after. you could type them out and i’d be just as happy.”
but keiji shakes his head, and it feels a little similar to three years ago. “no, that’s not the same at all. i want to write them for you,”—he closes his book with his thumb as a bookmark, the other hand moving to hold yours—“that’s what makes them special.”
“plus formatting them digitally wouldn’t be any easier than my double-sided tape—do you want to take the joy of tape and stickers away from me?” he raises a brow and squeezes your hand in his.
you snort. “okay, you know what? fair enough.”
and keiji pours a lot of honesty, of himself, into his letters, but maybe one thing he’ll keep a secret is how often his hand cramps and red indents and cuts form on his fingers. because it’s inconsequential in the end, really nothing in comparison to the bright smile and hug you give him when he hands you the next letter a couple of weeks later, carefully folded in an envelope with a star sticker on the front.
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Dear Mr Lauf, I do not wish to alarm you but I think in that last video there may have been a large bug crawling up your neck
Girl that's my tattoo
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So I'm rewatching Supernatural again and I'm getting up to a particular episode, and it's just reminded me of a piece of discourse I saw over on tiktok about Dean.
Basically, someone took the funeral pyre scene where Dean outright blamed Sam for Charlie's death and said that he should've been the one on the pyre instead of Charlie, and the comments were FULL of people crying for Sam and being like "omfg Dean is so toxic/abusive/hateful" like... no, he was right.
Dean told them from the get-go to leave well enough the fuck alone. As soon as he saw the Book of the Damned, he told Sam and Charlie to destroy it. Hell, Charlie had already gotten herself fucking shot looking for it - at Sam's request no less - and Dean didn't want her or anybody else getting hurt again for him.
And then Sam goes behind Dean's back, again. He smuggles the stupid book out. He ropes Crowley, Cas, Rowena and Charlie into decoding it, all behind Dean's back, knowing that Dean would absolutely have his head if he found out.
Sam is the one who cannot let go. He is the one constantly pushing and pushing despite everyone warning him against it, despite being told by numerous immortal entities that hey, maybe lying to your brother who has a severe case of curse-induced roid rage and bloodlust, might be a bad idea? Sam refuses to listen.
His refusal gets Charlie killed.
Yes, Charlie is a grown adult, she does make her own decisions, but fuck, she never would've gotten hurt if Sam hadn't straight up told her to go looking for the stupid book in the first place. Sam set her on the trail to find the Book of the Damned, and that put her on the Stynes' radar, and that got her killed.
So yeah, no, Dean was absolutely fucking right. It was Sam's fault. And he should have been the one on that fucking pyre, not Charlie.
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