#‘I always believed that he had OCD…it was really entertaining!’

[waugh-bao]

“I always believed that he had OCD. It was really entertaining. We would mess with him. I can remember getting home and going down to the dressing room and moving one pair of socks and swapping it over with another pair. They'd be colour-coded. You'd time how long before you heard ‘Who's touched my stuff!!’ from down the stairs. ‘Oh no, it wasn't me.’ I broke the espresso machine once and wrote a note in bad handwriting saying sorry from my step-dad. ‘Sorry I broke the coffee machine, from Barry.’ So much fun.”

Charlotte Watts, 2022

[moonstruckme]

And then I have one but idk which marauder to make it for so I’ll let you pick whoever you think it fits better. I have to take medicine for my OCD and anxiety but it’s embarrassing. So I’m like imagining who you pick staying the night with the reader and her skipping her medicine because she’s embarrassed but being off medicine messes you up. So clearly the reader would be alittle down and out of it so her friend asks her if she’s okay and if she took her medicine. Welllllll the marauder hears that and later that night when they are getting ready for bed he simply hands her a glass and asks her to take her medicine please and mentions how he wants all of her that includes the quirks, need for medicine, and need for comfort sometimes too.

I decided to make this part of the Sirius x Remus' roommate saga, hope that's alright! Thanks for requesting sweetheart <3

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5

cw: some symptoms of withdrawal, reader takes prescription meds

modern au

Sirius Black x fem!reader ♡ 1.5k words

Apparently, even when Sirius gets you out of your flat for the weekend, Remus is still always in the middle of things. 

“I can’t believe you got him to watch New Girl,” Remus complains over speakerphone as you make yourself a cup of tea. Sirius had offered to do it for you, but you’d brushed him off, and he’d been too busy secretly delighting in how comfortable you are in his flat to argue further. “James and I have been trying to get him to watch the first episode for years.” 

“Mmm, you’ve got to start on season three to get people interested, then go back,” you tell him wisely. “I showed him my favorite episode, the one with…uh…”

You trail off, and Sirius looks at you over the top of the couch. There’s a dissatisfied pinch between your brows.

“The one with the spider?” Remus prompts knowingly. 

“Right.” You blink a couple of times, refocusing on your mug as you pour hot water in over the teabag. “That one.” 

“Well, the apartment is quiet without you, but I’m glad you’re having fun.” 

Sirius’ mouth curls as he waits for your response. Though he sometimes still gets jealous of the easy intimacy between you as roommates, he’s come to enjoy the entertainment value of your banter with Remus. The apartment’s just as quiet with me, you’ll say, or You don’t even want to know what kind of fun we’re having. 

But your gaze has gone distant, and after a few seconds, the reply doesn’t seem like it’s going to come. 

Sirius feels worry snake around his ribcage, a light but noticeable pressure. A few hours ago, you’d complained of a headache, and ever since then you’ve seemed in an odd headspace. You’re quieter than you’ve ever been around him, you claimed not to feel like lunch, and he’s caught you stumbling or losing track of your thoughts on more than a couple occaisions. He’d asked once if you’d wanted to go home, but you’d promised you were fine and Sirius didn’t want to push the issue. He loves having you here, he really does, but he hopes it’s nothing about being in his home that’s making you seem so…off. He’d compromised by suggesting you show him that show you’re always referencing (Remus and James were right, it actually is pretty good) in the hopes that a few hours of relaxation would help restore you to yourself, but you don’t seem to be feeling better. 

Even over the phone, Remus picks up on it too. “You alright?” 

“Mm?” You blink. “Oh, yeah.” There’s a forced cheer to your voice, and Sirius watches as you roll your shoulders as if bracing yourself. “I’m just a little tired, I guess.” 

Remus hums, the sound crackling through the speaker. “Did you take your medicine last night?” 

You take him off speaker. Sirius turns when your eyes dart towards where he’s sitting on the couch, taking the coward’s way out on instinct and pretending he wasn’t paying attention. 

“I’m fine,” you say quietly into the phone. Sirius can’t hear Remus well enough anymore to make out his response, but he recognizes the slow, coaxing inflection of his friend’s voice. Your own tone sharpens in contrast, though you sound heartbreakingly exhausted. “I’ve got it. Yep, thanks. See you tomorrow.” 

You blow on your tea as you join Sirius on the couch, not a trace of apprehension about you. He extends his arm invitingly, and you slot underneath it like it’s home. 

“I gather you two aren’t used to time apart,” he teases, trying to entice a smile from you. 

It works, albeit only slightly. The curve of your lips is minute, but he’ll take it. “We’re both homebodies,” you say simply. “We’ve grown too used to being around each other.” 

“His privilege and your curse,” Sirius laments, exaggerating his grunt when you elbow him in the ribs. “Fine, you’re both very lucky. I’m just glad I managed to snag you for one weekend.” When he aims a saccharine smile your way, he suspects you set your cheek on his shoulder as a ploy to hide your blush. It melts him regardless, like ice cream in the summertime. “Want to watch another episode, lovely girl?” 

He frowns when all that gets out of you is a hum, rubbing your bicep as he presses play. 

He manages to get some dinner into you by insisting you try takeaway from his favorite Thai place in the neighborhood, and you seem amenable to the idea of an early night, all but drooping over the sink as you brush your teeth. 

Sirius will never admit it, but his heart is pounding as he takes a glass down from above the kitchen sink, filling it with water. He hopes this isn’t a massive overreach. This thing between you is still relatively new, and the last thing he wants is to make your first stay at his place awkward for either of you, but he cares about you. From what Sirius can tell, you’ve withdrawn into what seems like an unhappy place inside your head, and he can’t just leave you there by yourself. 

He catches you just as you’re leaving the bathroom, passing you the glass of water as casually as he can, as if it's the most routine thing in the world, before taking your place at the sink. “Don’t forget your medicine,” he says softly, taking his toothbrush from beside yours in the cup.

For a moment, you’re quiet. Sirius squirts toothpaste onto his brush, trying his damndest not to look for your reaction in the mirror. 

“You heard Remus on the phone.” It’s almost a whisper. Nowhere close to a question.

“I didn’t mean to,” Sirius apologizes, glancing up at your reflection. You’re looking distant again, your gaze fixed somewhere to the left of his face. “I’m sorry if I heard something you didn’t want me to, but it’s…did you forget?” 

You take another long moment to reply. Sirius is careful to stay quiet, giving you space as you chew your lip, but when your eyes meet his in the mirror you look so crestfallen his heart nearly stops. “I didn’t forget,” you admit. “It’s just so embarrassing, I didn’t want you to know.” 

He can’t stay still anymore. His toothpaste drops with a wet smack into the bowl of the sink when he sets his toothbrush on the rim, and he’s got your hands in his in a second. “Sweetheart, what do you mean?” He keeps ahold of one of your hands, letting his other one coast up your arm to your shoulder, where his thumb massages your collarbone familiarly. “It’s not embarrassing. It’s just, it’s something you need to be yourself. Like…my sparkly doc martens, you know? Or Remus’ chocolate hoards.” 

Your laugh is brief, more a huffed exhale than anything, but Sirius grins at you nonetheless. His hand moves up to cup the back of your neck, thumb soothing over the edge of your jaw. 

“You know what I really like about you?” he asks. You don’t look inclined to answer, but your left brow flicks up as if to say Go on. “Everything.” 

You scoff, seeming lighter even as you pull away from grasp. “Shut up.” 

“No, really,” he insists, vying for your hand back. “Getting to know you, it’s been amazing. Every new thing I learn is just something more to like.” You finally stop fighting him, eyes wary as he grips you by the shoulders, keeping you in place. “I want to learn everything there is to know about you, whenever you’ll let me. And I know I can’t expect it all at once,” he says, voice dropping into a more sincere register, “but I want all of it, including the parts you think—wrongly, I might add—are embarrassing.” He gives your upper arms a light squeeze. “Got that, pretty girl?”

A light blush colors your cheeks, and Sirius grins. You’re getting harder to fluster these days, but he delights in making it happen whenever he can. “Okay,” you say, still a tad sheepish for his liking. He plants a kiss on your cheek. 

“Good. Now go get your meds. I don’t want you passing out during breakfast tomorrow because of withdrawal.” 

“That’s not how it works,” you snipe, but he hears the rattle of pills as you dig through your overnight bag. 

“Whatever,” he says breezily, picking up his toothbrush to put a new dollop of paste onto it. “I just can’t reckon with the idea that Remus still knows things about you I don’t. Shouldn’t I outrank him by now?” 

“You’ve had roommates,” you tell him, coming back into the bathroom with the glass of water half empty. “You’re really going to tell me that they don’t know more about you than I do right now?”

Sirius makes a noncommittal, muffled sound, pointing to his toothpaste-filled mouth as excuse not to answer. 

“Right,” you say drily. “Maybe we should call your pal Remus and see if he happens to recall.” 

Sirius has never spit so fast in his life. 

[sunshinechildskywalker]

20 questions for fic writers

Hi, friends! I was tagged by the forever-incredible @ladyvader23- thanks for the tag, my friend!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

I have 12 works and counting!

2. What's your total A03 word count?

67,866 words (woah! More than I realized!)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I write primarily for Star Wars, but also write for Harry Potter, Hunger Games, and believe it or not, the Simpsons! Sideshow Bob sparked something in my bestie and I that kicked off a year of non-stop Google Doc sharing and squee comments on each other's works XD

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Grounded (578)

L & V One Shots & Ficlets (554)

Convalescence (278)

Tortured Soul (191)

Come With Me (159)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I sure do! I always try to respond with a least a "omg thank you!!!" or something of the like to show my appreciation. I wish I could go more in-depth for them all, and I do for the really long ones, but I end up not always having the time or energy to pay each comment the response it deserves. As always, thank you to everyone who has commented on my stuff!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's actually one I haven't posted yet (nor finished, and that's one I def want to be done before I post it). To give you context without too many spoilers, basically it's an alternate ending to ROTJ in which Vader doesn't die...but Luke does. I've been writing it on and off since my freshman year of high school and am excited about it, but damn, it's so hard to write because it makes me so sad!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Grounded! That was the first one I ever posted (during my first week of senior year of high school!) I feel like that one wrapped up nicely.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Once in a great while. Most of the hate comments I receive are digs on my characterization of Vader. One time I got a negative comment on a oneshot that I specified was part of a larger story I would recommend reading beforehand, and the commenter didn't understand why Vader was written the way he was, when in actuality, it had a lot to do with his development in the larger story. That one was a detailed hate comment and was hard to shake, but I'm learning how to let them roll off my back.

On a side note, this is partly why I don't ask for constructive criticism; I have OCD and fixate on even little comments people make that could possibly be construed as negative, real life included. I'm working on how to let them go and look at the facts before I run off with some wild tale about how someone hates me for sure. I'm growing and learning how to manage, but like I said in my AO3 A/Ns, OCD is a bitch ;)

9. Do you write smut?

Sure do XD It's pretty much all Skysolo (which you will see in an upcoming Skysolo story I'm almost done with *wink wink* ;))

10. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't before, but I'm entertaining the idea of some kind of Star Wars/Harry Potter type thing. To be completely honest, it's inspired by the Sims I made in Sims 4 lol XD. I had my HP Sims meet my Star Wars Sims and it was so funny to see how they all interacted. Luna immediately grabbed a book off of Leia's bookshelf, Anakin began cooking dinner, and Harry and Luke were talking privately in a separate room from the group- I like to imagine they were talking about how hard it is to be "the hero" and have the world literally depending on you. If I do end up writing this, I'll be sure to post XD *cue Spongebob's "when worlds collide" lol*

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, so hopefully that answer is no.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but would be open to working with someone to translate!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Nothing I've posted, but I co-write Simpsons stuff with my real life bestie. Sideshow Bob has us in a chokehold XD

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I love Skysolo and always will, but I think Finnick and Annie from Hunger Games takes the cake for me. I could go on, but the way they've both been through similar trauma and care for one another gets me big time. And Finnick is one of my all-time favorite characters, so I'm a little bias XD

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Tbh, both of my Whumptobers lol. I bit off more than I could chew both years between that and school, work, life. Hopefully I'll plan a little better this year and will be able to finish!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I write hurt/comfort well, and it sounds weird, but I write crying pretty well too lol. I think I'm getting better at imagery and sentence structure too.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle with writing action, and I tend to write run-on sentences. I'm hoping to work on this for future fics!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I haven't done this personally, but I have a lot of respect for others who do. I think it's wild people can speak a whole other language period, but using that language in all its differences stylistically to tell a story? Absolutley amazing.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Hunger Games! I wrote Finnick becoming like a big brother for Prim after the war (flash back to me furiously typing out hurt/comfort scenes on my ipod notes in middle school LOL XD)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I have a special place in my heart for Convalescence; I live for that kind of hurt/comfort and angst, and I'm excited to finish it.

Thanks for reading if you did! I'll tag @spell-cleaver and @starr234, but don't feel obligated if this doesn't interest you!

May the Force be with you, friends!!!

[lady-perihelia]

Bone(s) to pick with Motonari's route

Let me start it off by saying that IkeSen is my favorite otome game ever. Hell, it might be one of my favorite games, period. All the routes I have gone through were great in their own ways. I have taken a long break from games, and the first one I came back to was, as you might guess, IkeSen. I have stopped playing right when Motonari was introduced (ENG), so I was rather excited to see I came back to his route already being there, so of course, I dove right in.

You know, we always joke that all these boys have trauma MC has to fix; all these suitors are good people that had a lot of bad things happen to them. Motonari is different. He is a bad person who had a lot of bad things happen to him. He is a scumbag, and he is perfectly aware of it, nay, he is absolutely at peace with that thought; and I think that is genuinely great. It is not a Kenshin who is a misunderstood villain, it is not a Kennyo who knows he is doing bad things, but believes his reasons are important enough to explain them, and maybe repent. Mouri is a scoundrel because it is the only fun way to live, and that is an important distinction from others.

There is no sympathy for the devil here, Motonari is straight-up evil, he has a corrupt moral code which is obviously very different from MC’s. (which is very entertaining to explore in the Spark of Love and Captive Hearts gacha stories, his shitty morals from his own POV are a treat) We finally have a suitor on our hand that MC won’t understand by just digging her way to his heart. All she digs up are the (legitimate) reasons for the way he is, that is it; there is no heart of gold to be found deep down there. This Mr. Twister really shines through as the dickhead he is in others' routes. (I was absolutely enamoured by him in Sasuke's route, like yes, go, Joker looking ass, do your thing, king) There is literally no room for "eh, maybe he is just a bad boy with a heart of gold".

This brings me exactly to the reason this route left me somewhere between “confused” and “frustrated”. There are no touching (see what I did there) points between these two, no way they would find common ground. Yet just 2 chapters before the Epilogue, all of a sudden Motonari has a change of heart because MC is hot ig idk™️ . There was no slow and non-linear build-up to his change like there was with Kenshin, for example. Mouri just decided he loves MC now for some bloody reason, he goes from treating her like a dog to like the love of his life in a snap, losing all character integrity. There is no chemistry there, as I said, these two literally are opposites and not the attracting ones, but the facing-absolutely-different-directions ones. Their "bickering" was more like serious warranted disagreements and actual fighting, there was nothing cute about them constantly arguing. It is like we were just given a very good character study instead of a route, and at the end someone went “oh shoot, the romance!” I did not “believe” MC throughout the whole thing either, she excused some of Motonari’s most questionable behavior (even at the very damn beginning!) solely because of his physical attractiveness, that is it. I guess the power of horny “fixed” the man! (AND his OCD! Which is a separate reason for my frustration altogether)

I am just angry that MC went through no transformation of her own, I guess. I think that would have salvaged the route in some way. Just for reference, to describe what I mean, I’d say Nobunaga’s and Masamune’s routes are two very good examples of MC and the suitor learning from each other. In Motonari’s route, however, MC just fully drags Mouri into her mindset (again, with no effort, blink and you’ll miss the point it happens) without making a single step towards him. Imagine how cool it would have been if we finally got a Bonnie and Clyde instead of a Beauty and the Beast? (shoutout)

That brings me over to my last point. Do you know who had chemistry, unlike MC and Motonari? Do you know whose convictions were different but on the same axis? Do you know whose bickering was fun? Kicho and Motonari. (At first I was like, haha, Motonari and Kicho as a joke, but bro, I don't think it’s a joke anymore) Yes, I am dead serious. I consciously acknowledged that I sensed that whole dynamic being delightful and making sense during the scene where Mouri smokes in front of Kicho. I legitimately felt like I had to make MC leave the premise to give the two the privacy they clearly needed. Motonari and Kicho are those aforementioned opposites that attract, and I realized how little sense Motonari made with MC only thanks to these two guys' electricity being there for contrast. They are similar enough – there is a reason Kicho did not hire Motonari and Motonari did not hire Kicho – they were partners in crime, equals; yet different enough to disagree, while still doing the same thing. They just did it for different reasons, whereas MC was busy with something from a completely different field, and of course, for reasons absolutely disconnected from both of the men. Both are extremely smart, but Mouri is hot-headed and Kicho would give Elsa a run for her money, Motonari is quick and cunning, and Kicho is careful and calculated. These are polar opposites that attract. Just imagine if all this was cut from this couple and applied to MC and Motonari instead.

I just felt very disappointed by an unchanging goody two shoes, genuinely infuriating flowerhead MC and the weakest relationship writing I have seen in IkeSen yet.

[furiousgoldfish]

I don’t really know if my experience was abusive or not…. My home life was kinda all over the place growing up. My mum was initially a single mom but got married and had another child when I was 7. I sorta got pushed to the side at that point. My mum was busy with my younger sister and step-dad worked in camps for weeks on and weeks off, but even then I never really liked him that much. I learned how to get my own food, tuck myself into bed, entertain myself very quickly. I have a fear of showing pain or injury now because when I got hurt when I was younger I was often scolded and made to feel it was my fault. Got bit by the dog? Well what was I doing!? I shouldn’t have done that!! My little sister had an ear infection and was scolded (ie yelled at) because she didn’t say anything earlier and it was the weekend now and they can’t do anything about it (walk in clinics closed).

Growing up, my mother was always very strict about friends and play dates because they were apparently a lot of work. A friend would ask if I could come over after school and I would be so terrified to ask my mother I would near cry. I would ask and get scolded because “we don’t have time for that” or it’s “too last minute.” And I was always a very quiet child so I never pushed back, I just gave in and told her she was right.

When I expressed anxieties, or that I was really stressed and it was making me feel unwell, it was often ignored or flipped so that it was something I was doing wrong. And maybe they were right?

I would say I’m scared to do something or that something stresses me out and my step father would tell me to get over it because it’s life. When I had to change my diet for health reasons, he would say he checked packages that they were okay, but he didn’t and then I would feel unwell, and he wouldn’t believe me.

Basically, my parents were either not existing in my life, yelling at me for being hurt or being mad because something was going to cost money (and making me feel reallllyyyyy bad about it which has resulted in it being very hard for me to ask for things I needed), my parents also argue a lot, which always seriously stressed me out. Also a lot a lot a lot of shame about wasting from my step dad which has now led to me feeling sick to my stomach everytime something is slightly wasted, thrown out or not recycled.

But at the same time, as I got older I got Kinda closer to my mum?? But she was still very strict on friends and I knew that if I let her know most things that she would be mad, even though I was a textbook student. All this also paired with my grandmother’s constant dieting and telling me that I put on weight.., and patting my stomach. And then apologizing. And then when I try on clothes telling me I’m too too heavy… idk. I present a LOT of trauma symptoms, but I have lived a relatively blessed childhood.

Also probably important to note that I am suspected OCD or other anxiety disorder but undiagnosed.

Thank you for your blog and your time, both are incredibly helpful and I am very grateful.

That's really heartbreaking neglect, they couldn't even comfort you when you were in pain or injured, and you had to figure out everything yourself, like you had no parents at all. Yelling at children for being sick and injured is like kicking down someone who is asking you for help, it's despicable. I'm so sorry, that is absolutely abuse, and a serious case of neglect.

You were demanded to be a convenience and as little work as possible, to a great price for your childhood, you can't have a kid and then ask them to 'not be a lot of work' for you! It's not called work, it's raising your own kid! Besides, what kind of 'work' is a friend coming over, you have to say hi and maybe offer a snack? What kind of person considers that too much for their child's friendships?

Your parents are not right to blame and shame you for your anxiety and stress, they were supposed to help you feel better, comfort and reassure you, not make you feel worse and force you to doubt whether you're allowed to feel your feelings at all.

I'm so sorry for all they put you thru. It makes complete sense your stomach feels sick, that is so much violation and hate directed at you. You're more important than food. You're more important than your weight or whatever else they tried to make you feel horrible about. These people don't know you and have no right to comment on anything on you. They already hurt you enough.

I hope you get diagnosed and your struggles get a bit easier once you're sure of it and find more people you can relate to. Your childhood isn't blessed, it's already tainted with so much abuse, neglect, violation and hate, you have actual trauma symptoms. Trauma isn't a small issue that can be brushed aside. Your story is painful and it's not fair for you to have to live thru that.

And also, thank you for the kind words, I appreciate them.

[mnstrfcker]

Yooooo tell us about your yautja ocs! What are they like, what are their backstories etc etc I want to know EVERYTHING 🤩🤩

OKAY IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS QUESTION BC I AM LITERALLY VIBRATING WITH THE NEED TO GUSH ABT MY BOYS (Unfortunately I can't reveal anything abt their backstory as that would be major spoilers for anyone reading my story, but I am down to write abt their personalities!)

Okay so-

Ta'thiir

·A giant teddy bear. He was always the sweeter of the three, he got teased alot in his past for his big heart.

But make no mistake, he is one lethal hunter and his kindness is shown only to those who earn it.

·He is the messiest of the three. He simply sets something down and tells himself he'll get it later- which he does- after one of his brothers points it out.

(I feel you Ta'thiir, I really do.)

·Easily excitable. Anything as simple as a grin and giggle will have his heart soaring. He is the extrovert. Loves long, loud conversation.

Is a lover of the alcoholic drinks made on his home planet, doesn't drink too often but won't deny if you offer.

·Fiercely protective. If its something or someone he actually gives a damn about, he will tread the fucking clouds and kick down heavens door to fight god if it meant protecting it/them.

Me'Ki-Ta

·If grisl could be a person, it would be him. He is all rock, thorns and fire. He's got a 24 hr resting bitch face and punches people in his sleep. He dreams of violence, wakes up and chooses it.

·Has the worst temper out of them all. And many people would think he's cold and unfeeling, just angry. This is wrong. For a good reason, Me'Ki-Ta has had to harden his shell.

He is the most emotional of the three, if anything. He trusts his instincts almost to a fault, because the last time he ignored them it cost him nearly his entire clan.

He feels sadness, anguish, shame- it all comes out in an angry manner. The dude doesn't know how to be soft.

·Loves to read. This is not something Elite Hunters normally do, it was only highest ranking Yautja- known as Ancients- who read. Everyone knows how to, of course, but it is rare one would for leisure.

He likes the quiet entertainment they provide. A scene playing out in his head, vivid. Books can be violent and fell of war, or heartbreaking and bittersweet. He finds solace in the pages, able to feel without admiting to it.

·Cannot sit still. You will rarely find Me'Ki-Ta relaxing for longer than 2-3 minutes. This does include reading- he will have a book in his face while he tends to his hounds, or sharpening his blades.

·The most possessive out of the three. Borderline obsessive sometimes- he's got abandonment issues. Dude is just deathly afraid of losing people he cares about.

Mohtiat

·The goof of the group. Inappropriate jokes, pranks, its all him. Unless he ropes some poor soul into his games.

Please engage in playful banter with him, he loves that shit.

·Has slight OCD tendencies developed in the past, for example- he sharpens his blades evenly and three times on each side, if he differs he starts all over again until he gets it right or it feels okay to put them away. Look sideways at his knives and you'll get cut without touching it.

(His main fixation is repetition in even numbers.)

·The flirtiest. Dude was a champion during the time before the incident, he was quite the charmer. Now its much more subtle and toned down- but no less effective, believe me.

·Loves to fiddle with technology, he's the most curious of the three. He's the technician on the ship.

Has a bulky tool-belt he wears to repair anything- and yall, its a low rider. The way he wears it on his hips is something I shed tears about everyday.

·The best at expressing himself. He's a smooth talker, and is the best at showing just what hes feeling. He isn't afraid to look like an asshole it means protecting someone over their feelings.

Vaa'Leao

·If you look up 'bad bitch' in the dictionary you'll find her face plastered next to it. Sometimes I imagine her with a russian accent bc she WOULD be the brooding russian bounty hunter lady with 23 knives in her jacket.

"On Yautja-Prime, you either dominate or get dominated. Take that however you like."

·Will never admit it and would in fact die before doing so but she adores plants. So much. The main reason she goes hunting on Earth is for the prime sport and ✨succulents✨

·Dead-face heart-stoppingly blunt. If you have something in your teeth, she will tell you not matter who is there with you. If you made a mistake, she will point it out.

She sees it as helping, but desbite this she sometimes comes off as rude. The bars fights she's been in are legendary.

(Also- if she finds you attractive, she will tell you. And keep telling you until you either accept her advances or reject her. She won't speak word of it again if you say no.)

·Is very passionate about herself. Confidence 101 if it had legs and could take lives. She has a big ego, but she's got the skills and skulls to excuse it. She's just that good.

I'LL DO ONE FOR THE REAPER CLAN SOON- STILL FLESHING THEM OUT!!

I hope this is okay! I went WILD LMAO.

[dreamylyfe-x]

of all the things they could make mickey and ian fight over, why are the writers going with 2 so OOC storylines in the final season? the show never framed ian as seeing mickey's illegal income as not "real" work before. and mickey was never the slacker type, so why now? and mickey would never vague about monogamy. i'm so confused. if they gotta fight, why not over something in character and meaningful. this just feels like writers being mean to the fans, making us sit thru all this nonsense

Hey! Thanks for the ask. Made my (very weird and stressful) day. 

I’m going to be disappointing right off the jump and say that I don’t actually think any of this is OOC, per say. But. In GENERAL. Shameless is not the show it was. I think this is very normal for long-running shows. Take Friends: When you get into the back half of that show’s extensive catalogue, is starts to feel like the characters are a Xerox of a Xerox. Early season Monica is a bit OCD, and a clean freak who loves to be in charge -- but she’s also warm, and hospitable and emotionally available to her friends. Late season Monica is often a coked-out squirrel-woman who loses her mind if someone moves a pillow. That’s quality isn’t out of character, but it’s no longer being balanced with the warm and supportive woman we initially met. I think a bit of that might be “we already know you either like or hate Monica, so we’re just giving you the stuff that’s funny and/or dramatic. We got 22 minutes and six characters and we don’t have to build that other shit anymore.” 

I think that’s happening with Mickey and Gallavich. And I don’t think that’s weird for a) a show that has run this long and b) a character who was gone and then returned. They are giving us a Mickey that has always existed -- unbound by traditional manners, aggressive, blunt and obsessed with Ian Gallagher -- but we aren’t getting much of the Mickey who curls up with Ian at the worst time of his life and kisses his forehead. We aren’t getting all the verbal confirmation of Big Feelings they gave us when he came back in season 7. We aren’t seeing Ian and Mickey as a team, which is a big part of their mid-seasons dynamic. I think that makes people feel like these arguments are OOC, when they’re arguably reasonable issues, but aren’t being given a ton of nuance, or balance. 

Aside: There’s some balance in how the actors are playing the intimacy and the physical affection. The little touches and kisses are appreciated by me. 

So to dig into the OOC stuff -- first of all, it makes total sense to me that they’d have issues about the role crime plays in their lives together. I love that Ian never gave a damn that Mickey is a straight up criminal. But every time Ian lost Mickey, it was because the law intervened. When Mickey is not incarcerated, he’s with Ian. Ian is no longer 16, no one is a juvenile offender, Mickey was given a devastating sentence in season 6 -- 16 years -- Ian was 18! That was his entire living memory, if not more. They are married now, against considerable odds, and I completely understand why Ian doesn’t want Mickey to risk going back to jail. 

Likewise, I get why Mickey doesn’t want to do what Ian is doing. Mickey does not have the temperament for minimum wage jobs. He has a longstanding history of thinking it’s absolute bullshit to work hard for no money. Particularly when he’s smart enough, skilled enough and ballsy enough to make a LOT of money in an afternoon just by spotting an opportunity. 

Mickey has never SAID this on the show, but in canon we have seen him go to prison four times. Once, because Ian’s unhinged spurned groomer shot him; once because Mickey CHOSE to headbutt a cop so he could go to prison and avoid his dad; once because Mickey was consumed with a need to avenge Ian; and finally because Ian got himself tossed in prison, so Mickey CHOSE to join him. If Mickey has confidence that he won't go to prison if Ian isn’t a factor... Not the craziest idea. 

So -- writers spitballing ideas for Gallavich conflict? I think that’s a pretty good one. Two clear sides that both have merit. I’ve already written a bit about my thoughts on the monogamy issues... first, I’ve always figured they were monogam-ish, to reference Dan Savage. They are faithful to each other while they’re together, and when they are separated (usually by prison!) they aren’t. This isn’t the first time Mickey has voiced a lack of interest in being monogamous -- most notably “Great. Now we’re in a horror movie.” Mickey isn’t a traditionalist and I don’t think he feels like this is a make-or-break issue. But MOSTLY? 

MOSTLY. 

I really and truly believe what I’m about to say... 

Mostly Mickey wanted to do what Ian wanted. 

If he legit didn’t want monogamy he wouldn’t have tried to cheat of Ian’s paper. He didn’t like that “write it down and flip the paper” game. He wanted to match Ian’s answer. So he took a guess and he was wrong about what Ian -- who had literally just told him he found the concept of the rest of his life overwhelming -- had written. 

This is my head cannon: I think he liked that Ian wrote down monogamy. This is not my head canon: they are SUPER sweet to each other in the next scene. I am not convinced that the monogamy debate is going to be much of a thing beyond that scene. And I understand that, for a lot of people, that scene was extremely unpleasant. To me, personally, it made sense for it to come up. But I think it’s settled. I think they’re done with it. 

The one place where I’m like “What is this?” is the slacker stuff. I mean, I can meta why Mickey might be afraid of failure or whatever, but it’d be mostly head cannon. They haven’t given us a ton to build on there. The best we got is “Stop disappointing the people you love!” being what motivated Mickey to do something he didn’t want to do. But Mickey was right, if he thought that interview was going to be a disaster. Mickey knows himself and he is painfully aware of his limitations. 

As for why are the writers DOING this? Well. Ok. Here’s what I think it is: 

1. Story is conflict. So they needed one. And “struggle to adjust to marriage” really isn’t a bad one. Specifically, figuring out how to be married when you have no role models and have a few social strikes against you is a good one. 

2. The writers are amused by Gallavich fighting. They think it’s entertaining. And while there are a lot of people out there for whom Gallavich is EVERYTHING, Shameless’s viewership is also made up of people who think Frank is hilarious. No one ever send me an ask about why Frank is hilarious. I will not be able to figure that one out and the research might kill me. We definitely don’t all agree on what is and is not funny. 

3. They’re going somewhere with it. At least a little. 

I don’t KNOW three is true, but here’s something I believe about John Welles. I think he’s a biiiiit of a sap. I think he probably wants to leave each Gallagher with something nice. I don't think his plan it to send everyone off on an ice floe to freeze to death. So I think (hope?) that what we’re going to see is three (maybe four?) episodes of Gallavich At Odds and then I think we’re going to move into them trying to work together to make lives together. And they will probably still fight, because that seems to be part of the Xerox of a Xerox of Gallavich. I’m sure many people will find that cringey and problematic and annoying -- but I also bet we get a few moments we love, here and there. 

I don’t think they’re trying to be mean to the fans, but I think it’s serving 8 characters ... Nope. 9. (I forgot Frank. I always forget about Frank.) ... and we aren’t going to get the depth and breadth we want. And most of that will be on the side where we see Gallavich loving each other, because at this point they expect us to KNOW that. And some of it’ll be Mickey’s internal life because they tend to focus on the Gallaghers. But I do fervently hope we get a little more of that other side of the coin. Because I absolutely agree that one side is more fun than the other. 

[whump-town]

Happy Birthday, Hotch!

Waking up surrounded by nothing but white walls, Aaron Hotchner… feels sick. Miserably, his throat burns as he coughs up stomach acid choking on what little bile does come up. He must have passed out some time earlier but his cheek is resting on the toilet’s lowered rim so that has to be some sort of win. Better than the nothing in his stomach-- nothing in his body except pain killers that wore off hours ago and the Gatorade he’d sipped to make the charge-nurse at the hospital happy.

But at least he’s home.

Speaking of---

There’s a harsh knocking on the front door. He recognizes that as the sound that had woken him up from his toilet nap. Whoever it is-- Dave, he recognizes a moment too late-- is not happy.

Picking himself up off of the ground, knees and back and every joint in his body heaving complaint, he makes a shaky attempt to move from the bathroom.

“Hotch!”

That’s… that’s not Dave.

“Emily?” All the way from London? “What’re you--”

He’s taken aback when she throws her arms around his neck. It takes him by storm, a stumbling storm of honeysuckles and lavender and all so very distinctly Emily. He hadn’t realized how much he missed her until this moment. He entertains himself by thinking the swell of emotions in his chest is caused by the medicine in his system and not the genuine pain of missing her so desperately.

“Happy birthday,” she whispers, still rocked up onto her toes so that she’s tall enough to hug him properly. “I’ve missed you, you old bastard.” She pulls away from their hug first which in itself is a dead giveaway that something isn’t right.

He’s warm to the touch. Too warm. That’s excusable but added with the mess his apartments in and the mess he looks…

“You’re sick.”

Hotch is a very organized and predictable man. He sleeps in old t-shirts and sweatpants. The man wouldn’t be caught dead in his underwear. The closest thing to a design his apartment has is in the books he leaves propped open, print side down on various surfaces. Asides, of course, the toys left mid-play by Jack. It’s tidy and unique and very him.

The man standing before them now is not that same man.

He’s standing in plaid green boxers, absent of the shirt he thinks he might have gone to bed in. There are tissues on the coffee table, a blanket of sorts over the sociology book he’d been reading earlier this week. He’s only got one sock on and with Emily no longer holding his shoulders square he sways slightly. As if rocking with a breeze only he’s aware of.

His sleep-deprived mind having a hard time processing all of this. His birthday? Is it November? It can’t be November… Surely he’d know if it were his own birthday… wouldn’t he?

There’s a wordless exchange shared as Emily steps back and allows Dave to step close. Hotch stands still-- which speaks volumes-- as Dave presses his wrist to his forehead. With a solemn nod Dave condemns his fate, “oh he’s sick alright.”

Hotch rubs at his nose with the back of his hand, “I already went to the doctor.” Actually, he’d gone to the ER. Jessica had dragged him there kicking and screaming--- or rather, grumbling and too weak to stand (she’d said it was the same thing). He can’t remember how long ago that was.

Dave huffs at that and Hotch jumps when Morgan’s voice adds, “he’s got a prescription from yesterday.” Morgan flips the bottle around to read the label. He blows out a breath and passes it to Reid. “I have not idea what this is for, though.”

Reid scans over the whole bottle and hums, “for the flu.” He hands it back to Morgan, “you don’t recognize the name because it’s not the typical prescription doctor’s are asked to prescribe.” Reid passes the medicine to Dave, who holds his hand out expectantly. “This medication, while proven not to be as effective, won’t counteract with the blood thinners Hotch has, also, been prescribed to take daily.”

Biting his lip, Reid acknowledges his boss won’t like him further adding it could counteract with the other medications he takes for his OCD, thyroid, or the anxiety that he tells his therapist only has a tendency “flare up”. Still, those medications could cause additional side-effects.

“Here,” JJ gets tired of seeing Hotch just standing there shivering. His glossy eyes seem vacant and far off and she assumes this is why he hasn’t moved to cover himself up despite how badly his body is shaking. So, she pulls the blanket off of the back of the couch and pulls it around his bare shoulders.

Hotch blinks owlishly at her… how many people are in his apartment right now? There’s Emily who’s now taking him by the hand guiding him to the couch. He can see Reid and Morgan tossing discarded tissues into the trash can from where they’ve been left to sit on the coffee table. There’s JJ who, as he caves into the couch, pulls his blanket a little tighter around him. Dave leaves the room without comments leaving…

“I can’t believe you’re sick on your birthday.”

Garcia.

It’s sweet that she’s so concerned but…

“Is it really my birthday,” he asks, turning to Emily. Surely, this is all a part of one of her games or maybe he’s dying on the bathroom floor and this is all some hallucination. If it’s a hallucination he’d really like to imagine some pants and a shirt, please.

Emily looks so sad when she turns to him that he almost regrets having asked. “Your birthday is November 2nd, isn’t it?”

JJ takes his hand and adjusts the blankets again as he keeps sinking back into the couch. Her hands are freezing.

He nods, throat sore and head too cloudy to really want to reply.

“It’s your birthday then.”

Dave comes into the room with a handful of pills. There’s green and blue and white and at least five different pills sitting in his palm right now. It’s startling within itself to the others but Hotch takes them without question because five pills really isn't that much to him.

“Drink some more of that,” Dave says, putting his hand under the glass of water Hotch only sips before trying to put down. He guides it back to Hotch’s mouth, ignoring Hotch’s weak grunt of protest. Hotch pulls away sooner than Dave would like but he’s already looking queasy and Dave backs off, not wanting to push it.

Hotch looks around, dazed and confused, when JJ and Emily both stand from where they’d been sitting beside him on the couch. “Get some sleep,” JJ says, guiding him by the shoulders to the side so that he’s laying down.

He doesn’t want to sleep. Not with them here. Not when his guard needs to be up and he has to be the boss, the guy they can rely on.

“We’ll be here when you wake up,” JJ promises, kisses his temple.

But… it’s so hard to fight…

“Please get better,” Garcia whispers, bending down to hug him. He grunts a little, smiling despite himself when she squeezes him. It’s worth the small smile she gives back.

Emily lingers for a moment. She doesn’t hug him or kiss his head. She just runs her hand through his tangled hair, shaking her head at this whole mess. For someone so guarded, so stuck on being perfect he seems to constantly be getting himself into these messes. A drama queen, really.

And that’s the final straw. He can’t fight how soothed he is by her fingers slowly ghosting through his hair. He’s just vaguely aware of when she pulls away. Her hand moving from his hair and the blanket around his shoulder being tugged up over his shoulders. “Get some sleep, Aaron.”

And he does.

Garcia thinks it’s the cutest thing she’s ever seen in her entire life. Aaron Hotchner snores?? Why hadn’t they told her that?

“Because,” Emily comments, popping a grape into her mouth. “It’s cute now, to you, but go on a case and get stuck with that--” she throws an accusing thumb in the direction of the softly snoring couch. “Not so cute anymore.”

JJ rolls her eyes. Dave had assigned her to cutting carrots as she’d proven to be the only competent person he could trust (his words not hers). So, the farthest side of the island in the kitchen had been taken over by the girls. Leaving Reid and Morgan to fend for themselves (they’d found Jack’s connect four game and have been playing that for the last hour).

“Dave is the worst,” JJ says with a strange amount of conviction. “It goes Dave, Derek, Spence, then Hotch.”

Emily scoffs, “uh, no. Dave, definitely the worst, but Reid is way worse than Derek.” She pulls a few more grapes off the vine. She’d found the bag in Hotch’s fridge, which was startling empty. Given that she won’t go stealing Jack’s gummies, that left the grapes.

“How have things been,” she asks. She doesn’t typically feel too guilty about leaving them but seeing how things are right now… “Other than,” she tilts her head back towards the couch. To Hotch.

JJ shrugs and Garcia shares the same not displeased but nothing to comment look. After a moment Garcia softly says, “it’s not always like this but… we miss you.”

JJ nods, pausing in her carrot cutting. She stares, for a moment, at those chopped carrots. They really do miss her and how could they not? Resuming her job she tries to shake that thought away. She’s here now, that’s all that matters.

Hotch stirs on the couch, a distressed groan coming from either the mound of pillows Garcia’s stacked around him or the blankets she’s stacked on him. Either way, before anyone else can move, Derek is standing and waving for them to remain where they are.

Emily watches as Derek disappears behind the couch. His deep voice rumbles as he talks to Hotch. “Easy, easy,” Derek says, a hint of trepidation. “Come on--” Derek stands, stumbling back and Hotch’s head becomes visible for just a moment before he falls forward.

Derek stands, “Dave!”

Hotch grumbles something and the two argue for a moment before Dave can get there.

Emily stands, starting a whole wave of movement.

Dave holds up his hand to hold them off, “he’s fine.” And they see that for themselves a second later when, heavily supported by Derek’s shoulder, Hotch stands. The blanket falls off his shoulders, giving them a good view of his back. The muscles taunt with the effort he’s putting into moving.

And, as they are told, the other’s stay right where they are. They watch every step he takes, waiting on bated breath as Morgan and Hotch argue all the way back to the bathroom and even then, they can still hear the two of them going at it. Which is annoying but if Hotch is well enough to argue then he’s well enough to eat the soup Dave’s been pouring his heart into for the better part of the last hour.

“Now listen,” Dave says, hands on hips and talking to everyone sans Hotch and Morgan. “Jack is on his way with a birthday card and a chipper attitude. I won’t have you all ruining that, understood? That boy is going to be better than any medicine we could have Aaron choke down right now.”

Jack’s not stupid but it’s unlikely he’ll react well to them freaking out.

So, they’re going to be the perfectly happy little family that they are.

“If you don’t eat that soup--” Dave is standing, hovering over Aaron’s side.

Hotch raises an eyebrow in question. While his birthday might not matter to him in the grand scheme of his favorite days and things worth celebrating, it matters to them. Enough so, Dave won’t do shit if he doesn’t eat this soup. Plus he doesn’t really want to eat it. It’s not that it doesn’t smell good or even look good. He just doesn’t want to throw up.

“You’ll what,” Hotch inquires hoarsely. “Break into my house again?”

Emily glances up at that, “it’s not really breaking in if we have a key.”

There’s a hum of agreeance, the other’s happily eating Dave’s soup.

Hotch rolls his eyes but picks up the spoon.

Dave pats his back, giving Hotch a proud smile. “Happy Birthday, son.”

Hotch blushes under the attention, ducking his head as the other’s chime in alongside Dave. He shyly thanks them with a nod of his head, “thanks, guys.”

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

🙂 - ɟ

Hiii babies and dear Anons 👋🏼🤗 Here’s another post with the answers to the asks Mari sent me. Enjoy 🙃

 Hi @sawwyouuinadream 👋🏼😄 I’ve already talked about how C exaggerated for the sake of the songs in my ‘💭- ɟ’ post (8th question) [click on the #f anon of this post to see all my others]. As for the rest, you need to understand the difference between our normal life and theirs, especially when they were in the group. You can’t compare your life and what you would do with your girlfriend in their place simply because they’re completely different things. Any parent of famous artists who gets the chance to spend time with their child when they can, seizes the opportunity. I saw it with 5H, I saw it and keep seeing it with Ari, I saw it in Taylor’s documentary, and many others. But not all artists have this luck.

5H were far from home, always around the world, without parents most of the time, and with fans who recognized them. Unlike the other parents who didn’t always have the opportunity to be with them because of work, the most present were Sinu, papa H (Jerry, Ally’s dad), and mama Dre (Andrea, Normani’s mom; as much as Sinu and continued as Sinu even after the hiatus). The only difference is that Camila suffers from depression and variants of OCD (diagnosed in 2015) and for these reasons, Sinu has always tried to be as present as possible. She only became a regular presence after C’s explosion in early September 2016. And, honestly? I don’t know where Camila would be without her mom. I don’t think she could have gotten through most of the things. I don’t think she would be in the industry anymore.

Now, I’d like to remind you of something else: we only see 5/10% of their lives. And that 5/10%, is ONLY what they want to show. You said that Sinu always accompanied C on dates? That’s not true. We saw Sinu with them a couple of times when they went shopping, once for dinner at Katsuya’s, and once at the beach in Australia. And these are literally only five times in what, four years that C was in 5H? Do you really think those were their only dates? Or that those can even be called dates and not just spending time with the mother-in-law? Come on. Try to look at it differently. Try to look at it from a broader perspective. Try to look at the big picture.

I send you a hug 🤗

 No, dear Anon. Lauren was together with Camila. That whole conversation was based on Camila teasing Lauren. That episode was another confirmation for me regarding their first kiss. Lauren answering “Kind of” because Camila literally nearly passed out from nervousness is one of the things that amuses me the most.

Oh and, dear Anon? Bread Simplified, aka I don’t know what lips are, was just another one of her PRs. I don’t know how this is still something to doubt about. 75/80% of all Hollywood couples are fake, and as I said earlier, we only see 5/10% of what they want to show us about their lives. I’ve said this before and will write it again: “Any PR relationship involving Camren is simply this: fake, and for publicity and narrative purposes”. Real relationships, dear Anon, are not public ones. They’re the ones we don’t see.

 I’m still a little bit confused about your ask actually if I have to be honest, dear Anon. I’ll answer based on what I understood.

None of the five of them are with Syco Music anymore because it has integrated with Sony Music Entertainment and therefore doesn’t exist anymore.

Only Camila and Lauren are with Syco Entertainment simply because only the two of them were asked to sign. Simon never cared about the group per se. He wanted Lauren and Camila from the start and he got them. He created an opportunity to prepare them for that world and for their eventual solo careers. How? By creating 5H. By creating three products (C, L, and 5H) at once that would make him money.

 Because, dear Anon, as twisted as it sounds, it’s part of their publicity. I’ll explain myself better. Camren sells. From the beginning. A large part of the 5H fans became their fans BECAUSE of Camren. The labels still use them when needed. For labels, it’s okay to get people talking. It’s okay to get them to speculate, take their name out there, create buzz, create gossip, everything’s okay, EXCEPT confirming it. The important thing is the publicity. The important thing is to sell what they want to sell, and many times, they use Camren to do it. And it works. It works EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Plus, I think both C&L also had fun doing it to “keep the boat afloat”. More in the past than now tho.

I know about the rest of the pictures because it was said a while back by a guy who said he was yet another ‘insider’, dear Anon. This guy even published an email that was supposed to be from 2017 from TMZ to Roger in which they were supposed to have a meeting to discuss the extension of the agreement made not to publish the dossier. It’s actually old news, and it indeed seems strange to me that you’re only finding out now 🙃 Has anyone ever talked about it here on Tumblr?

But anyway. That he was an insider, I have my serious doubts. That the email picture was specially created, perhaps by him himself, I’m sure of it because it looks more fake than a plastic flower. That TMZ actually has a dossier on them, is very likely because this is another one of the many ways paparazzi agencies make money.

Dear Anon, I guess this ask of yours is due to your reading of my last post. If you’ve read it, then you have also read the sentence that I will now copy: “Everyone’s ready to point the finger when they don’t even know what is really going on behind the scenes”. You’re doing the same thing. You’re doing the same thing because all I see here is Roger did this and Roger did that, but you don’t know that. You don’t know why he did certain things. You don’t know why he didn’t do certain things. You don’t know why he handled some things in one way and some things in another. You know nothing, yet you’re pointing the finger.

I understand that you’re speaking based on what you see, believe me, I understand, but you’re judging without knowing. We know this PR is for Skittles, so what do you know if the deals made were exactly for Roger to promote him more? What do you know if the deals made were exactly for Roger to do or not do certain things? And more importantly, what do you know that Roger no longer has Camila’s best interests at heart? Just because of this show? Come on!

I’ll try to be clearer this time because I’ve noticed that many, like you, didn’t get the big picture of my last post. The labels decide everything. Camila can choose certain things, propose ideas, and be more liberally creative, but she doesn’t have the last word. If Camila comes up with the idea for a video she wants to make, but the labels don’t like it, then she can’t make that video. If Camila wants to perform a song in a certain way, but the labels don’t approve of a thing, then Camila has to change that thing in order to perform it. If the labels say no, then it’s no. Periodt.

Camila accepted the PR. COVID has changed things. She couldn’t expect such a thing. Hell, none of us could have expected a worldwide pandemic. But things turned out this way, and now she’s miserable. The choice she had initially made has backfired on her, and there’s nothing she can do to change that because it’s a legally binding contract. Neither she nor Roger, whom I remind you is also an attorney, can do anything about it.

I made this little scene for you. I hope that with this, you’ll see things a little more clearly.

*During the meeting*

“And that’s the idea” Roger says as Simon continues to look at the various set designs and documents by nodding

“So.. what do you think?” Camila asks anxiously and with a small hopeful smile

“I think we only need to change a couple of things, but for the rest, everything’s fine” Simon replies

“Really?” Camila asks excitedly

“Yes, really” Simon replies with a chuckle due to her enthusiasm “Good job, Camilla”

“Yay!” Camila cheers towards Roger. She’s too happy to care about the cringe due to the mispronunciation of her name. She’s used to hearing him call her that for years now.

“What are the changes you were referring to?” Roger asks him

“Oh, you know, this and this” Simon replies, turning the set designs towards them “It’s a little too…”   “Gay?” Camila asks with a laugh, finishing his sentence

“We knew, but she wanted to try anyway” Roger says, indicating Camila with his palm “So, by changing those two things, we’re ready to go? We’re gonna shoot the video in a week”

“Yes, I approve. Everything’s all right” Simon says, handing the set designs back

“Thanks, Simon” Camila says, getting up together with Roger ready to leave the room

“Oh and, Camilla? Remember what we talked about” Simon tells her as soon as she gets to the door

“But-”   “Remember what we agreed on” Simon says, interrupting her

With a sigh, Camila nods and turns to look at Roger who smiles at her sympathetically. With another sigh, this time of acceptance and determination, Camila positions herself behind Roger, who’s bending his knees to get down and is bringing his torso forward.

“Um.. what exactly are you two doing?” Simon asks, confused and curious at the same time

“When you tell me to jump, I ask you ‘how high?’, right?” Camila answers him as she climbs on Roger’s back

Simon nods with an even more puzzled expression.

“I’m helping her jump from higher” Roger explains to him

*the end*

This is just a silly example, but I hope it helped you understand the dynamics better. I also copied and pasted another piece of my previous post as a reminder: “If Roger does certain things that you may not like at first glance, before accusing him, please wait. Wait till you see why he’s doing what he’s doing, and then if you really don’t like it, then point the finger. But if you have to do it for no good reason, then don’t. You’d only going to look worse after. Same thing for Camila. They have a reason for doing what they do, so just wait before speaking and judging.”

Have a great day too, dear 😊

 I don’t think you’re gonna like my analysis, dear Anon, but you asked for it, so here it is.

I’d like to start by saying that Thinkin’ Bout One is a half-demo. It’s not a completed song and it’s from ‘The Hurting. The Healing. The Loving.’ era, so even before the album title changed to ‘Camila’. I’m talking about the very beginning. When Havana wasn’t even remotely ready to be complete, or recorded if that’s why. When I Have Questions had just been recorded or was about to be recorded. I’m talking about the end of 2016.

The demo is pretty messed up because there is no intro, verses, pre-chorus, chorus, etc., like in a normal song. The quality and the way the demo is structured reminds me a lot of the GarageBand Camila times. To be honest, I think that’s how it was recorded. I think Camila created the demo on her own and then she abandoned it once she started recording other songs that would adapt and fit in the true direction of the album.

The reason I said I don’t think you’re gonna like my analysis is because this song, it’s not about Lauren. I have reason to think this song is for someone else, but without dwelling on that, I’ll explain why in my opinion it’s not about Lauren through my interpretation.

“Where you at

Come baby show me where you at

Finally got time off work

Tryina disappear off the map with ya

What’s love gotta do with it

This my vacation time

Bathin suits and tan line

Thirst trap for your timeline”

Camila is asking this somebody where they are. Camila was still working with Lauren in 2016. She knew where Lauren was because she was with her, this somebody wasn’t. She’s asking them to meet and spend those days she had free together. She’s asking them to go together to a place where they could be off the radar. A place with a warm climate. And she’s not asking them to see it as a romantic getaway, but just as a vacation. Love was the last of her thoughts given what she was going through with Lauren that year.

“Num num num num num

Pass the henny not the rum

I go num num num num num

If I decide to give you sum

Talkin talkin talkin

All this time that we been rockin

Hey”

“Sip a lil this

Sip a little that

Now this ain’t nothin but a fact

I need you come and take control”

This vacation that Camila proposes also included alcohol and other activities, if you know what I mean. I’ll explain the slang she uses here to indicate those two very things.

In case you didn’t know, num is the slang for making out. Henny is the slang for Hennessy, which is a brand of cognac. It’s used a lot together with coke for a simple two-ingredient cocktail, and indeed, Camila specifies that she prefers henny over rum (rum and coke) in her simple two-ingredient cocktail. Sum is the slang for some. Now that you know, I believe you can put the pieces together and better understand the puns she used here.

And that’s all. There’s nothing about Lauren for me. There’s nothing deep about it. Just another distraction. And for me, for my timeline, this event happened during the 7/27 tour break. The break that lasted from July 6 to 26 before starting the North American part.

Hello to you too dear Anon 😄 No, I personally don’t think those scenes represent her experiences exactly as they happened. I think she and Dave (Meyers) represented her experience in a cinematic and straight way, but with symbols that represented Lauren.

For example, the fact that Dylan plays the piano is to represent an artist, aka music, aka Lauren. The flower on the back of his shirt in the kiss scene: Lauren. The book’s scene you mentioned? The scene is represented in winter with snow, yet in her memory, they’re both represented dressed in a light way, aka ‘In Miami, where winters are hot’ (Sangria Wine’s verse 2) [or even in L.A. since the winter climate is much more similar to the spring one]. They both like to read, so the book was a perfect clue. Alcohol and fights were represented in a much stronger way than I think they happened in reality because we all know that Lauren is not a violent person. The moon? There’s not even the need to explain it. Oh and, the fact that she’s holding hands with herself at the end of the video is also a representation of what we saw in the Havana music video. The “I do love you. But I love me more” that we saw there. With that scene at the end of the Consequences music video, Camila shows us that she has finally managed to love herself.

So dear Anon, to me, that video is just an artistic representation of how things went. And thanks. I hadn’t watched that video in a long time, but I went to re-watch it for you, so thank you, dear 🥰

🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

Aaand I’m done 😄 I hope I was helpful in this case too. As always, I’m available for those who have questions, so feel free to ask 😊 Thanks once again to you for asking me and Mari for making this exchange possible 😍

As usual, remember to be kind, to others and to yourself. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. I send you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️

___

This was awesome, thanks again F. BTW, the marks on the asks is a small detail I couldn’t erase but you can read them anyway, so sorry bout that.

[brightbeautifulthings]

Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

"'What if sometimes there is no choice about what to love? What if the temple comes to Mohammed? What if you just love? without deciding? You just do: you see her and in that instant are lost to sober account-keeping and cannot choose but to love?'"

Year Read: 2014, 2020

Rating: 5/5

Context: It's hard to know where to begin writing a review for this book. I read it for the first time in graduate school in about five weeks (alongside everything else I had to do in grad school, so I don't recommend that), and it basically blew my mind. At the same time, it's hard to imagine tackling it any other way for the first time. Despite its difficulty, there are things obsessive and immersive and, appropriately, even addictive about it. Full immersion might be the only way to read it for the first time, and I obsessed about it for months afterward. Since I'm not on any deadlines, I took it more slowly this time (21 weeks) so I could enjoy the writing and the nuances without the pressure to finish. For my less coherent weekly updates in real time, see my blog posts. Trigger warnings: Everything, everything. Death (on-page), child death, animal death, suicide, suicidal ideation, rape, pedophilia, possible incest, child abuse/abusive households, graphic violence/gore, eye horror, severe injury, drug use, addiction, alcoholism, mental illness, depression, OCD, grief, racism, ableism, transphobia, sexism, inexplicable hostility toward Canadians.

About: If it's difficult to know how to write a review, it's equally hard to describe what Infinite Jest is about. It's about so many things, tennis, addiction, communication (failures), and entertainment among them, but I'll do my best. Beneath all the numerous characters, timelines, and subplots, the main plot is about a film so entertaining that it kills anyone who watches it, robs them of all desire to do anything but watch it until they die, and what a faction of Canadian assassins will do to possess it. The auteur is James Incandenza, a suicide whose son, Hal, is a prodigy at Enfield Tennis Academy. Next door to E.T.A. is Ennet House, a drug rehabilitation center where Don Gately, former thief and Demerol addict, is taking it day by day to stay sober. Though they don't know it, Hal and Gately are connected, and the deadly Entertainment and those who seek it draw their paths closer and closer together.

Thoughts: It's rare to find a book that is actually as smart as it claims to be, but IJ is--certainly much smarter than I am, despite all my attempts to make sense of it. It starts off strong and doesn't let up for several hundred pages, which is a huge achievement all by itself. Wallace excels at writing extremely polished sections that could almost function alone as short stories, and the first chapter is one of my favorites in all fiction. It's reassuring, I think, to start the book off on a strong note, in case we worried we were in for a thousand pages of tedious slog. It can be both, but it's often heartfelt, insightful, and funny as well, and the payoff is well worth the effort. I don’t know how Wallace manages to pack every page with so much meaning. Anybody can put tedious lists in their books or make reading purposely difficult (and I have attitude about writers who do this for no reason), but there’s nothing haphazard about this book, despite its size and varied focus. Everything seems utterly intentional. The conversations are really top-tier; Wallace has a great ear for how people talk, and it's a fascinating look at how communication works and doesn't work.

Thematically, I think the book succeeds on more than any other level, including plot or structure. If we could say this book is "about" anything, we would almost certainly start with the themes and not the plot, which is often secondary to whatever point Wallace is trying to make at the moment. It takes an in-depth looks at things like addiction, depression, loneliness, failed communication, sincerity v. irony, critiques of postmodernism and metafiction (while being very meta itself, at times), and the very specific selfishness of an American culture that insists on freedom even to the point of self-destruction. At times, it feels a little heavy-handed or like it was yanked right out of an intro to philosophy course, but I suppose something in a thousand pages has to be obvious if we're ever going to pick up on it. A lot of these themes resurface in his other work, from "This is Water" and "E Unibus Pluram" to Orin Incandenza's Brief Interview style Q and A (and he would be a perfectly fitting character in that book).

The characters are some of my favorites in literary fiction as well, particularly the Incandenza family and Don Gately, and to a lesser extent Joelle Van Dyne (although Wallace typically doesn’t write female characters very well, and she comes with some issues). Hal and Gately couldn't be more different; Hal excels at everything he's ever done, and Gately has a record that includes accidental homicide on it. Hal is the hero of non-action, since little that happens in the book is engineered by him, while Gately is closer to the more typical hero of action, who defends the undeserving at great cost to himself. Yet their struggles with addiction are similar, and they both manage to be incredibly sympathetic characters. In my opinion, the book is always at its best when we’re with Hal or Gately, but I’m strongly driven by good characters. Despite being dead, James Incandenza's presence is also felt all over the book, from the Entertainment he created to his haunting ETA and sticking beds to the ceiling (probably the weirdest ghost I've ever seen in fiction). He's a tragic character in a book full of tragic characters. The others are too numerous to name, from the other tennis players at ETA and recovering addicts at Enfield, to the various bystanders populating Boston. We get brief glimpses into almost all of them, and while they may not all feel relevant at the time, most are memorable or heart-wrenching or slapstick funny, or all three. It's a book that contains multitudes.

That's not to say it's always on point though, and it isn't. There are a number of very serious problems with representation in this novel, and they're as bad as its detractors claim. A lot of the 90s humor aged very poorly, but that's not an excuse for some of the unabashedly racist depictions of African Americans, the uncharitable descriptions of Steeply's and Poor Tony's cross-dressing, or--however much I love him as a character--the fact that Mario Incandenza’s descriptions are ableist in just about every possible way. Wallace thinks he's capturing "voice" when he's really encouraging harmful stereotypes. The humor of the novel often doesn’t depend at all on these stereotypes and would in fact, be a lot more funny if I wasn’t spending so much energy cringing at it. So many of the little racist and ableist asides could have easily been edited out of the entire novel to make it less offensive. There are also sections where he seems at pains to be as gross as possible for its own sake. There are plenty of things grim or uncomfortable or flat out distasteful about this book, but sometimes the graphic violence kind of jumps out and stabs you in the eye, say, with a railroad spike.

If there are times when I was totally absorbed in the little tragedies of the Incandenza family or Gately's struggles, there are plenty more where it's like pushing something heavy up a hill. No lie, some of it is slogging through tedious minutiae and various experimental writing styles (some more successful and less offensive than others). Wallace has a gift for purposeful tedium; it’s at its peak in The Pale King, but he gives it a nice warm-up round here. The novel is difficult and meant to be, since Wallace maintained that some of the best pleasures are the ones we have to work for, and he's not totally off base. There's something very satisfying about living, for a time, in a book that spans a thousand pages, that demands focus and perseverance, and manages to give back (almost) as much as it takes. The book is always structurally interesting, but it starts to get more complicated toward the end as various characters and plots begin to almost slide into one another. I forgot how frustrating it was to near the end and realize--again--that it wasn't going to wrap up with any kind of satisfaction; the various plots slide, but they don’t meet. I thought if I paid closer attention on a second read that I would pick up more of the plot things I’d missed on my first, but I think the problem is that those answers simply aren’t to be found in the actual text. Of course, they can point us toward various conclusions, and the novel certainly encourages us to speculate and make connections, but I don’t think the actual answers are there.

That brings me to some of my final thoughts, for now. There's no doubt that this is a hugely successful book, and I believe it accomplished exactly what Wallace meant it to do. He jokingly referred to it as a failed entertainment, much the way Jim considered his lethal Entertainment a failure, but I have the sense that Wallace, unlike Jim, failed on purpose. The book purposely pays more attention to structure and theme than it does to plot or character, yet the plot and characters are hugely compelling for what we see of them. Imagine the book it could have been if he had paid equal attention to all of them. Wallace attempted to create a book that people wouldn't want to stop reading. Reaching the end certainly encourages us to begin again, as the first chapter is actually the last in chronology, but that trick only works the first time. By my second read, I realized that starting over wouldn't help me fill in any of those blanks or answer any of my questions, and I was content to let it go. On the one hand, IJ depends upon its structure to tell the story it's telling. On the other, think of the book it could have been if it spent more time telling a story and developing its characters and less time belaboring a point. It's one of the best books I've ever read, and the tragedy is that I think it could have been even better.

[danwhobrowses]

Minor F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Rant - Ross is NOT the Worst

So I’ve hit a little breaking point here. We all know that Friends is iconic, reruns on loop are a huge part of many people’s downtime

But recently, everyone seems to get on Ross Geller’s ass

I think most of it is because it’s easy to pick on him, he’s neurotic and has a tendency to whine and be stubborn. The ‘We were on a break’ debacle still gets argued today - and they were on a break, Rachel even clarified ‘a break from us’, and it’s not like he went to the bar with intention to sleep with someone AND he was 100% right about Mark.

Here’s the thing though, everyone says ‘Ross is awful’ But every one of the Friends are awful, that’s the point, they are all flawed people who try to grow in a way where they get stability. Some may say ‘yeah, but Ross is the worst’ but to that I ask...is he? He’s certainly not great, being snobby, self-loathing and fragile in his masculinity

But let’s consider what the others have done Note: This is not a ‘Why XXX Deserves More Respect’ post, so I’m not all out defending Ross here, I’m just pointing out that his fellow Friends are not as pristine as made out

Phoebe - Phoebe’s past itself is layered in mystery and violence, at some point she stabbed a cop and she mugged a kid Ross, so we will glance over that as her having a past, but I don’t think Ross ever impersonated a police officer, a literal crime, and only got off because the officer was attracted to her. She also implies to be a bigamist since she was married to the ‘gay’ ice skater and also implied to have been married in Vegas, believing that it only counts in Vegas. She also immediately dates her identical twin sister’s ex-fiancé when he broke up with her which is a little bit sketchy, and off-handedly bullies Ross and Chandler, finding times to mock and undermine them. Not to mention the fact that she kissed David while dating Mike, and she also stole a kid’s cat thinking her mother’s soul was in it.

Monica - Equally if not more neurotic due to her OCD, Monica has that destructive side to her too. She sabotaged Rachel’s chances with Jean Claude Van Damme out of jealousy, she dated her ex’s son and she bet away her and Rachel’s apartment in the heat of competitiveness. While an accident she was also reckless with Ben and hit his head and her marriage to Chandler apparently mattered little when she flirted with Celebrities on the roof party. Monica’s hands may be the cleanest of the six but she is not without her faults.

Chandler - Perhaps the most neurotic and self-sabotaging, Chandler is partly responsible for a few of Ross’ relationships falling apart; letting slip that Ross had feelings for Rachel, making Ross write a pros and cons list between Rachel and Julie and taking him to a bar after the break - not to mention telling Ross not to be honest about it and erase all evidence of sleeping with the Xerox Girl, Chloe. He also leaves Ross’ son on a bus - who he took mainly to pick up women, kisses Joey’s sisters and then doesn’t recognize which one he kissed, toys on Rachel’s boss Joanna twice, kisses Joey’s girlfriend, steals several cheesecakes he doesn’t pay for and tells a kid he’s adopted, which is pretty damaging stuff. He also almost runs out on his wedding with Monica, and in an attempt to prank Ross says he has sex with Dinosaurs, and then that he’s dead. His fear of commitment also made him toy with Janice for the early seasons of their on-off relationship.

Joey - I mean, let’s just set aside most of the bachelor stuff, Joey has courted a few taken women, for instance his ex Angela who he wrapped Monica into helping so she could date Angela’s then-boyfriend too, he also slept with Kate while both were dating other people. Outside of dating he also attempted to sabotage one of his students for a part in a show, he abandons Chandler on a highway when he rightfully shows doubts about this movie gig and is too stubborn to admit that Chandler was right, he also threw Ginger’s wooden leg into a fire and bolted and like Chandler lost Ben, contributed to sabotaging Ross with the list and took Ross to a bar during the break. He impersonates a Doctor to get personal information on a patient for Phoebe, tries to steal an award he claims in someone else’s stead and tried to steal his childhood toy from a baby! Joey’s personality is the only thing that really makes people look past his flaws.

Rachel - people say Ross is the worst, but I’d contest that Rachel is far more destructive than Ross, especially towards Ross himself, the on-off relationship of the two had often caused Rachel to be conniving and borderline sociopathic towards him. Most of Ross’ non-Rachel relationships are sabotaged by Rachel - the most direct sabotage being convincing Bonnie to shave her head so she could appear the more attractive option - she invites conflict even without thinking about whether she actually wants to be with Ross, she also does this to Joey. She acts really hostile to Ross’ partners, Julie especially - even Ross was less aggressive towards Mark than Rachel was to Julie, the same can be said with Charlie too when Joey was dating her but not to the same extent as Julie. After kicking Ross out of her office for trying to do a romantic gesture on their year anniversary she instigates the ‘break’, and then immediately let Mark, the focal point of their core argument leading to this break, into her apartment even though she had to know it’d hurt Ross - which it does since this action also causes Ross to spiral further into sleeping with the Xerox girl. After that in Barbados, she was petty enough to immediately after breaking up Ross and Bonnie write an 18 page front-and-back waiver just to justify herself as in the right to date Ross again, in the aftermath of that she also dates a college student just to spite Ross - before Ross then dates a college student and Rachel then dates Elizabeth’s dad. No list of Rachel’s constant sabotage of Ross’ relationships would be complete without mentioning that time she went to (and successfully achieved to) stop Ross and Emily’s wedding too, Ross was legitimately happy and Rachel went to London, professed her love, realised how stupid she was being, and then still won the day. Rachel also demonstrates a lack of independence and petty jealousy of others, seen when out of jealousy for Chandler and Monica getting engaged she tries to booty call Ross twice, the second time getting her pregnant. She also tends to play victim even when she’s in the wrong; when Vegas happened, she painted Ross as a gay heroin addict for the annulment which spirals into Ross having the third divorce he wanted to avoid, she would also later reveal that she remembers suggesting they get married too. She also tries to lump blame on Ross for getting her pregnant even though the video proves that she came onto him and throws Ross under the bus with her father when confronted on why she is not with Ross despite having his baby.

Obviously, in spite of this people will sympathize with Rachel because Barry cheated on her and then went on their honeymoon with the person he cheated on, Maid of Honor Mindy, and because they would also feel that Ross cheated on her too. But Rachel was not above cheating herself: she had sex with Barry knowing he was engaged to Mindy, she would also be Mindy’s maid of honor for that wedding, on top of that she also convinced Ross to let her go on Ross and Emily’s honeymoon, the same thing she was mad at Barry for doing - meaning she was a hypocrite as well. Outside of Ross, Rachel also intentionally conspired to make Chandler and Monica uncomfortable for keeping their relationship secret, she dates her assistant Tag and breaks up with him on her birthday simply because he didn’t fit into her ‘plan’, she stole Monica’s perfect baby name and immediately agrees to marry Joey just so she wouldn’t be alone after having Ross’ baby. In the final episodes she also agrees to a job in Paris without considering how this’d affect Ross, the father of her child who already had to barely see his other son, when she intended to take Emma with her.

As entertaining the characters are they are, by design, not flawless; many times being vengeful saboteurs, having tendencies to be hostile, jealous, unfaithful, judgmental, hypocritical and compulsive liars, with each reaching maturation points at different points in the show (if at all) only in later seasons when they settle down. 

While this does include Ross in having his fair share of unlikable moments, I have always felt that it’s unfair that Ross becomes the ‘easy target’ especially when in my opinion Rachel is worse but forgiven mostly because she’s the pretty face and Ross looks like David Schwimmer.

[navigatingthroughgrief]

All of us know my father in a variety of roles: Husband, father, papa, brother, cousin, brother in law, and uncle. I got the greatest privilege to know him and have him as my dad.

This is both the hardest and easiest thing I’ve ever written. The hardest for obvious reasons, the easiest because I could spend the rest of my life writing about how much he meant to me. A father is considered to be the source of strength in a family, and he was. He was our strength and our security. He is the first man I ever loved. He held me, played with me, supported me and let me grow. He was my courage, my strength, my role model, my best friend, my confident, my protector and so much more. He was also a really good secret keeper. We had many secrets like the time we kept my awful report card from mom one year. We knew if she saw it we both would never hear the end of it. We talked everyday on the phone. We talked about anything and everything. Talked about how our day was going or more like him listening to me saying “can you believe this happened” or “ Hadley did this today”. He loved Hadley and I loved watching them play. He would lay on the floor with her just letting her kick him or if no one would answer the door I knew I could find him in the backyard holding her as he walked her around. They had such a special bond that I’m going to miss. Her eyes would light up when she saw her papa. My very last memory of my dad was on Saturday the day before he passed and I came over after I had got off work and we were all eating at the dinner table and Hadley was starting to get a little restless and my dad was doing the best to entertain her and he was making all these funny faces at her and they were just smiling so big back and forth at each other. I have his big smile from that night engraved in my head. We all know dad had a favorite among us and unfortunately it wasn’t any of us but it was his dog Charlie, who I kinda wish went with him. I always wanted to believe I was the favorite (which I probably am) but I think she may have me beat a little. One thing I don’t think many people knew was how OCD he was. If he knew you weren’t gonna do something his way or how he would like it he would do it himself no matter what is was. Or if you touched any of his things he would know oh trust me he knew. There’s a lot more I can say About my dad but he’s probably getting tired of me making this poor minister read this novel about him or he’s up there wondering why I didn’t have the guts to read this myself saying “abby what would you do if you weren’t afraid” see he always said that to me & even gave me a little keychain that said that quote. That was always his advice for me and that’s how he lived, never afraid of the unknown.

if I could say one last thing to my dad it would probably go life this;

“Hi daddy. I know that being the center of attention like this wouldn’t be your idea of fun but it has to be kinda nice knowing that everyone in this room loved you. Honestly I can’t believe I’m actually writing this. I can’t believe you’re gone. My world has been turned upside down. You were my rock. My best friend. You taught me so many things. You tried to teach me how to cook or how good you could fold clothes and man I really should have paid attention now. You taught me how to be a strong, to never give up, and to face things head on. You had a tough exterior but man you loved hard. Your love was always so unconditional and unwavering. Dad I know you weren’t ready to go and honestly none of us were. But I find comfort in knowing you wouldn’t have left if you didn’t think we would be okay. So thank you dad thank you for loving and accepting me and always making me feel like I am good enough. I don’t know how we’re all going to make it without you. But, because of you, and the strength you instilled in me, I know we can, one day at a time. I know that in my heart there is no love like the first love, and that part of me will always belong to you. So dad I’m saying goodbye but In this world only.

Forever your little girl.

“You always kept your promises, never broke them. You promised that you will always be there for me. So I trust that you are watching me from somewhere above, and will guide me whenever I am lost”

[mspainttaz]

what are some weirdly specific balance headcanons you have? please share

this gets long i hope thats okay….

im sure i have even more specific headcanons rattling about but im sick right now and cant remember them off the top of my head, but thank you anon this was really fun! im sure when i remember more ill do a part two if people are interested.

davenport was the first to rock the “bushy sideburns w. a slightly shorter beard” look and magnus, young and impressionable, saw how tight dav looked and said “yes please”. they are sideburns buddies

barry with a mullet is so funny and i love it. i also 100% believe that taako rocks a mullet with him sometimes. #mullet rights

voidfished!taako has problems with his hands. they always look wrong to him for some reason (something about not having two more hands that look just like his and that he can reach out and take hold of whenever he needs to feels… off.) maybe he wears a lot of gloves and rings just to, you know, make them feel like his own.

lucretia has trich, magnus has derma, dav have onycho. (ocd/bfrb related to picking at your hair/skin/nails.)

taako uses a cane and or wheelchair as needed after story and song

lucretia has arthritis and wears braces for it

i tend to draw davenport japanese

lucretia wore her hair in double buns during stolen century and a braid after the voidfishing but before the bureau

sometimes one of the birds will show up at each others schools and sit in on the class aka, ask questions that they know will get the other riled up or stumped or embarrassed. because thats what family is for.

the blue robes lucretia wore during the candlenights party were from the stolen century. specifically a planet that placed heavy significance on textiles and craftwork. theres beaded voidfish designs sewn into the back along with seven stars. she had to wear a cape to the party to cover it up.

she and maureen definitely had something going on. they would talk science often while davenport entertained younger lucas. lucas would go on and on about science and on good days davenport would somehow know just what to say to help him solve the problem lucas was puzzling over.

they all share clothes during s.c. and some were more hotly disputed than others. when tres horny boys come to the moon lucretia has to restrain herself when she sees where one of the favorite shirts ended up. she forgot where it was and had been looking for it in her closet for years pan damn it merle why did it always look better on you.

if merle concentrates really hard he can sprout a flower from his bellybutton

some ive talked about before, taako and davenport race sometimes (x) (x)and okay heres another davenport because hes been on my mind lately (x)

[theniveanlegacy]

OC Companion Interview

Romiyya Ri’ka

I saw this here and I immediately wanted to try it. I’m doing at least two of these, maybe more.

Instructions: Pick three companions who know your OC/muse well. Answer the questions from at least one of their companions points of view. Replace anywhere it says ‘Romiyya’ with your OC’s name. Name the three companions who will be answering here:

1. Malavai Quinn

2. Mayyen Nivean

3. Vette

Are they ready to be candid with their responses? Don’t worry, this is totally private. Romiyya will never read it.

1. First Impressions. What was the first impression you had of Romiyya?

Malavai: She was beautiful, and terrifying. She commanded the room as soon as she entered it. She looked so alien among all the human imperials on Balmorra. Not one single sith among us all, and certainly not an alien sith. She was like nothing I’d ever seen before, and I was enraptured by her.

Mayyen: I remember thinking that she seemed so lonely. I met her on Tatooine, and at the time she only had Vette and Malavai - still the three of us are the only people she really trusts. I just remember thinking how miserably lonely it must be to trust only two people in all the galaxy.

Vette: I dunno really. I guess I thought it was funny to see a Togruta sith - I’d never seen one before - but mostly I was just preparing myself for more electro-shock therapy. She never used the collar though, and I was impressed. That’s when I started to wonder if maybe she and I could actually be friends.

2. Romiyya walks into a bar. No, it’s not a joke - what does she order? If you give her a credit for the jukebox, what kind of music would she put on?

Malavai: She orders two fingers of Kaasian brandy, neat. If she’s in a particularly good mood she’ll order a bottle of Alderaanian wine to share with me, Vette, or her sister. She likes Sith Opera music, but that’s never on the jukebox. Barring that she’ll play whatever Vette recommends.

Mayyen: She gets the fancy Kaasian brandy usually. Sometimes she drinks Alderaanian wine. But - if you get her drunk enough - she downs Coruscanti bourbon like there’s no tomorrow. She won’t admit it on pain of death but I’m pretty sure it’s her favorite drink. In terms of music I think she really likes that one pop band from Ord Mantell. I saw Malavai give her a holodisk of their music for Life Day once. I don’t think I’m supposed to know that.

Vette: Coruscanti bourbon - but only if Malavai and Mayyen aren’t around. She’ll never admit it to them. The only reason I know is because I caught her buying it on Nar Shaddaa once. In terms of music she loves Outer Rim cantina music, but she won’t admit it. Whenever we go to a cantina she always asks me to recommend something, so I always recommend different bands I know she’ll like.

3. How does Romiyya spend a day off from work?

Malavai: With me usually. We go on dates and that sort of thing. Not really your business, is it? Otherwise she likes to paint and draw - that sort of thing. She has a whole book full of drawings of me, Mayyen, Tatooine, things she really loves.

Mayyen: Sometimes she’ll go out for drinks with me or Vette, but usually she spends off days with Malavai. They go on these adorable little dates. He takes her to the Sith Opera, or to picnics on Alderaan, or - oh! Once they went to the Red Light district on Nar Shaddaa. I’ve never asked why, and I don’t want to know.

Vette: She has sex with Quinn.

4. What silly superstitions or funny traditions does she observe?

Malavai: She has a long scarf made from killik silk that I bought for her on Alderaan after we were married. No matter what else she wears - armor, civilian clothes, a dress - if she’s going into a fight she wears that scarf. Even when we were… apart, she wore it.

Mayyen: Well she has Malavai’s scarf which she never takes off. We have a tradition as sisters - we try to meet up at least once a month if it’s possible. No matter the state of the war or our personal allegiances at the moment, we mean a lot to each other and so we try to see each other as regularly as we can manage.

Vette: Quinn’s scarf, but also she’s methodical about cleaning her armor and her lightsabers. She gets in a lot of fights, she gets bloody and dirty a lot, but she’s kind of OCD about hygiene, so after every battle or mission she cleans her armor and her lightsabers.

5. What does Romiyya wear to bed? And just how do you know that?

Malavai: Romiyya likes to sleep in silk nightgowns. I know because I’m her husband.

Mayyen: She likes silk pajamas. I got her a pair of red silk pants for Life Day one year and she loved them. I know because after we discretely bought that stronghold on Tatooine we slept together in the one room that actually had heat.

Vette: Back in the early days when it was just me and her we used to sleep in the same room. We didn’t really trust each other, and the easiest way to gain that trust was to be vulnerable around each other. She used to wear a silk nightgown every night. I would be sitting there in sweat pants and a stolen t-shirt and she’d walk in wearing full length white silk. It was so weird.

6. Your favorite memory of Romiyya?

Malavai: I find I have difficulty picking just one. Perhaps you’re looking for a real memory, a big moment or something similar, but my absolute favorite memory of my wife is a simple one. She likes to paint in her down time. It’s nothing special, and she doesn’t think her work is any good, but one morning I went out to the balcony of our stronghold and she was sitting there painting the sunrise. She likes the sunrise. The suns lit her cheeks in just the right way. Her skin turned the color of fire, and her eyes were so blue…. Apologies. I was just… remembering.

Mayyen: The first night we spent in our Tatooine stronghold. It was just the two of us. I finally got to ask her about my father, and I told her about Belsavis. She told me about Baras, Malavai, her parents - all the people who’ve betrayed her, let her down. It was the first time we were really truly close with each other. I’ll never forget it.

Vette: When I asked her to take my shock collar off, hands down. She was just so kind about it. There was this empathy in her eyes I wasn’t used to seeing from Sith and it really shocked me. It was in that moment that I realized that she was more than her kind. She was a person, and maybe even a good one.

7. A time you very nearly almost kissed Romiyya?

Malavai: The first time we went to Alderaan together. Romiyya decided to work with the Organa woman, and so we fought in a battle that seemed to last all day. Wave after wave of troops and droids hit us endlessly, but my love cut through them all like they were nothing but lumps of clay. She was incredible. I wanted to kiss her then, I almost did, but I knew the line I would be crossing and at the time I was still reluctant to cross it.

Mayyen: I kiss her on the cheek all the time. Partly to watch her squirm while she pretends to hate affection, but mostly because she’s only pretending. She’s actually very affectionate, and she loves physical affection the best, so I try to kiss and hug her whenever possible.

Vette: When she helped me return a Twi’lek artifact to some of my friends. We had drinks afterwards and I was really drunk and really grateful and got into one of my “Hey, Romiyya’s really great and also pretty” moods. It happens from time to time with really attractive people and enough alcohol. I vaguely remember almost kissing her until I saw that she was looking at a message Malavai sent her. Pining is really the biggest of buzz kills.

8. Vacation time! Where do you take Romiyya for some R&R?

Malavai: A couple places, but for vacation we typically return to Dromund Kaas. My mother lives in Kaas City and she adores Romiyya. We spend a day or two with her and she cooks a big feast even for just the three of us. Then we spend a few days catching up on the culture; we go to the art galleries and the opera and such. Finally we spend our final days off in bed in my apartment. It’s rare we get a vacation, but it’s always wonderful when we do.

Mayyen: Tatooine. It’s our home. It’s neutral. We’re not beholden to anyone there and we can be entirely ourselves. It’s the safest place in the galaxy for us. We go whenever we can, and we always relax when we’re there.

Vette: Rishi. I love that stupid crazy pirate planet. Romiyya likes the beaches. I stay with a friend of mine - Clabreo Aldin - her family are big time Corsairs and they own an island on Rishi, so I take Romiyya there to relax.

9. Romiyya’s sense of humor -is it dry, immature, sarcastic, self-deprecating, physical, witty, dark, or…?

Malavai: Contrary to what most people believe my wife is actually very funny. She has a dark sense of humor, it’s true, but her humor is very sarcastic and dry, to the point where most don’t recognize it as humor. I do though. I understand every word, and so I know she is a very funny woman.

Mayyen: It’s- uh- very dry- and sarcastic- and also dark. She’s not typically one for humor to be honest, but when she gets in the right mood (and typically the right mood is when she’s tormenting her enemies) she’s incredibly dry and sarcastic. She’s even funny sometimes- when she’s not threatening people’s lives of course.

Vette: Try nonexistent. Most of the time anyway. If you get her drunk enough she’s funnier than a hut in a bikini.

——

I’m going to do at least one more of these - one for Mayyen - but I might do a couple more too because it’s so entertaining.

Since this is a tagging game (and also so much fun to do) I’ll tag some people: @thebreadtree, @darth-bagel, @palepinkycat, @shanfamilydrama, @blueburds, @starlightjedi

[ohheygriefsucks]

Last Christmas

I should write here more often, but if I’m being completely honest, the more time that passes without my mom, the less it feels socially acceptable to hurt as much as I do. I know that’s not the case, but, still, I see people around me every day functioning so much more smoothly than I, having gone through the same thing as I’m still emotionally limping from. Also, with COVID-19, I’m well aware of all the loss being felt in the world, but especially my country right now, so I feel like theirs are the voices that need listening to. This whole year has been a confusing mix of PTSD, sadness, helplessness, fear, depression, anxiety, and time. Like God went nuts at Burger King and mixed all the fountain sodas together. 

Anytime the virus, the vaccine, the anything is mentioned, it makes me think of my mom. The precautions we had to take with her weakened immune system instilled a lifelong respect for public health and taking care of others as well as myself. I’ve always dealt with germ-related OCD and emetophobia, so I’m used to being on high alert during cold and flu season. Adapting to avoid germs comes naturally (read: compulsively) to me, so seeing people struggle with the concept right now blows my mind and hurts my heart.

Christmas 2012 was the last Christmas I had with my mom, and it fucking sucked. I got to come home for a nice long visit from Chicago. I’d just gotten a job, but pushed my start date because I wanted to spend Christmas with my mom (having spent the last 5 fearing they’d be the last). My family used to have an annual Christmas Eve party that brought 40-60 friends/neighbors into our house every year. We’d spend the three days prior making ~60lbs of lasagna from scratch and cleaning the house to prepare it for guests. Every year, we would work right up until evening mass, and then resume immediately upon our return to be ready for guests to arrive around 7. People loved it. I hated it. For plenty of reasons, most of which I’m only now realizing were sensory-processing/anxiety related, having spent the previous 31 years thinking was just because I was a bad kid. It sucked because it was a chore. When we’re in school, the work would start the day Christmas break did. You didn’t get to breathe until that Christ child popped out. It felt like so much work for others to enjoy. At least we got new pajamas at the end of it.

That year, our family’s workforce was short staffed. My older sister was spending Christmas in Italy with her husband’s family, my dad was still working (very long hours) at the time, and my youngest sister was in college and wouldn’t make it down til the 23rd at the earliest. So it was mostly me and Mom, with the occasional help from Dad and Cristina. My mom was on oral chemo at that point, I believe, and it was just before she started using a cane for occasional mobility and oxygen as needed. But, she was still very much my mom, and would not come off as sick if you didn’t know it. But she was. 

One night, Cristina woke up crying, and started getting sick. Throw-up sick. The worst kind. This lead to such a spiral. My mom ran to take care of her. I wanted to help, but I couldn’t get through my panic, and my dad slept because he had work. My mom. The woman with a wafer-thin immune system was sacrificing her potential health to care for her sick child. If my mom got the bug, she would have to be hospitalized. It wasn’t an “if”, it was a “come in the second you get sick so we make sure it doesn’t kill you” order. If my mom was hospitalized, Christmas Eve would be canceled. For the first time ever in my 24 years of life. The next day, my dad caught it (a milder, but more complainy bout) . At that point I was likely alternating between Xanax, saltines, pacing, and crying. It really was just down to me and my mom- fearing the moment one of us became the next. While Dad and Cristina recovered, Mom and I prepped. With each task it was understood that we could and would cancel at a moment’s notice. But we didn’t. We pulled it off. We had the damn party and people had a blast. My mom and I evaded the bug by the grace of God. 

The Perfect Christmas.

But it wasn’t. As the most annoying of the neighbors finally trickled out around 11pm, I crashed. I went into my room and started crying in bed. I had come home because I wanted to spend time with my mom because I knew she didn’t have much left, and instead I spent it in visceral fear of illness and under immense stress for the enjoyment of others. I realized I had never just had a Christmas Eve to celebrate with my family alone. Ever. Like normal families do. To be the guest, not the host. I felt like a selfish spoiled child, but I was just a scared one.

My mom came to find me in my room after a few minutes to see what was up. I wanted to tell her what was wrong without bringing up her imminent death, but there wasn’t a way around it. It was about it, but it wasn’t. So, I let it all out. I told her I hated that I had to spend time entertaining others instead of spending time celebrating with her. I wept. I told her how exhausted I was with it all. How fucked up and unfair it all seemed. She rubbed my back. She listened. She comforted. She promised me we wouldn’t have to do it the next year. 

And we didn’t.

Because she was gone four months later.

[dillydedalus]

january reading

why does january always feel like it’s 3 months long. anyway here’s what i read in january, feat. poison experts with ocd, ants in your brain, old bolsheviks getting purged, and mountweazels. 

city of lies, sam hawke (poison wars #1) this is a perfectly nice fantasy novel about jovan, who serves as essentially a secret guard against poisoning for his city state’s heir and is forced to step up when his uncle (also a secret poison guard) and the ruler are both killed by an unknown poison AND also the city is suddenly under a very creepy siege (are these events related? who knows!) this is all very fine & entertaining & there are some fun ideas, but also... the main character has ocd and SAME HAT SAME HAT. also like the idea of having a very important, secret and potentially fatal job that requires you to painstakingly test everything the ruler/heir is consuming WHILE HAVING OCD is like... such a deliciously sadistic concept. amazing. 3/5

my heart hemmed in, marie ndiaye (translated from french by jordan stump) a strange horror-ish tale in which two married teachers, bastions of upper-middle-class respectability and taste, suddenly find themselves utterly despised by everyone around them, escalating until the husband is seriously injured. through several very unexpected twists, it becomes clear that the couple’s own contempt for anyone not fitting into their world and especially nadia’s hostility and shame about her (implied to be northern african) ancestry is the reason for their pariah status. disturbing, surprising, FUCKED UP IF TRUE (looking back, i no longer really know what i mean by that). 4/5

xenogenesis trilogy (dawn/adulthood rites/imago), octavia e. butler octavia butler is incapable of writing anything uninteresting and while i don’t always completely vibe with her stuff, it’s always fascinating & thought-provoking. this series combines some of her favourite topics (genetic manipulation, alien/human reproduction, what is humanity) into a tale of an alien species, the oankali, saving some human survivors from the apocalypse and beginning a gene-trading project with them, integrating them into their reproductive system and creating mixed/’construct’ generations with traits from both species. and like, to me, this was uncomfortably into the biology = destiny thing & didn’t really question the oankali assertion that humans were genetically doomed to hierarchical behaviour & aggression (& also weirdly straight for a book about an alien species with 3 genders that engages in 5-partner-reproduction with humans), so that angle fell flat for me for the most part, altho i suppose i do agree that embracing change, even change that comes at a cost, is better than clinging to an unsustainable (& potentially destructive) purity. where i think the series is most interesting is in its exploration of consent and in how far consent is possible in extremely one-sided power dynamics (curiously, while the oankali condemn and seem to lack the human drive for hierarchy, they find it very easy to abuse their position of power & violate boundaries & never question the morality of this. in this, the first book, focusing on a human survivor first encountering the oankali and learning of their project, is the most interesting, as lilith as a human most explicitly struggles with her position - would her consent be meaningful? can she even consent when there is a kind of biochemical dependence between humans and their alien mates? the other two books, told from the perspectives of lilith’s constructed/mixed children, continue discussing themes of consent, autonomy and power dynamics, but i found them less interesting the further they moved from human perspectives. on the whole: 2.5/5

love & other thought experiments, sophie ward man, we love a pierre menard reference. anyway. this is a novel in stories, each based (loosely) on a thought experiment, about (loosely) a lesbian couple and their son arthur, illness and grief, parenthood, love, consciousness and perception, alternative universes, and having an ant in your brain. it is thoroughly delightful & clever, but goes for warmth and humanity (or ant-ity) over intellectual games (surprising given that it is all about thought experiments - but while they are a nice structuring device i don’t think they add all that much). i haven’t entirely worked out my feelings about the ending and it’s hard to discuss anyway given the twists and turns this takes, but it's a whole lot of fun. 4/5

a general theory of oblivion, josé eduardo agualusa (tr. from portuguese by daniel hahn) interesting little novel(la) set in angola during and after the struggle for independence, in which a portuguese woman, ludo, with extreme agoraphobia walls herself into her apartment to avoid the violence and chaos (but also just... bc she has agoraphobia) with a involving a bunch of much more active characters and how they are connected to her to various degrees. i didn’t like the sideplot quite as much as ludo’s isolation in her walled-in flat with her dog, catching pigeons on the balcony and writing on the walls. 3/5

cassandra at the wedding, dorothy baker phd student cassandra returns home attend (sabotage) her twin sister judith’s wedding to a young doctor whose name she refuses to remember, believing that her sister secretly wants out. cass is a mess, and as a shift to judith’s perspective reveals, definitely wrong about what judith wants and maybe a little delusional, but also a ridiculously compelling narrator, the brilliant but troubled contrast to judith’s safer conventionality. on the whole, cassandra’s narrative voice is the strongest feature of a book i otherwise found a bit slow & a bit heavy on the quirky family. fav line is when cass, post-character-development, plans to “take a quick look at [her] dumb thesis and see if it might lead to something less smooth and more revolting, or at least satisfying more than the requirements of the University”. 3/5

the office of historical corrections, danielle evans a very solid collection of realist short stories (+ the titular novella), mainly dealing with racism, (black) womanhood, relationships between women, and anticolonial/antiracist historiography. while i thought all the stories were well-done and none stood out as weak or an unnecessary inclusion, there also weren’t any that really stood out to me. 3/5

sonnenfinsternis, arthur koestler (english title: darkness at noon) (audio) you know what’s cool about this book? when i added it to my goodreads tbr in 2012, i would have had to read it in translation as the german original was lost during koestler’s escape from the nazis, but since then, the original has been rediscovered and republished. yet another proof that leaving books on your tbr for ages is a good thing actually. anyway. this is a story about the stalinist purges, told thru old bolshevik rubashov, who, after serving the Party loyally for years & doing his fair share of selling people out for the Party, is arrested for ~oppositional activities. in jail and during his interrogations, rubashov reflects on the course the Party has taken and his own part (and guilt) in that, and the way totalitarianism has eaten up and poisoned even the most commendable ideals the Party once held (and still holds?), the course of history and at what point the end no longer justifies the means. it’s brilliant, rubashov is brilliant and despicable, i’m very happy it was rediscovered. 5/5

heads of the colored people, nafissa thompson-spires another really solid short story collection, also focused on the experiences of black people in america (particularly the black upper-middle class), black womanhood and black relationships, altho with a somewhat more satirical tone than danielle evans’s collection. standouts for me were the story in letters between the mothers of the only black girls at a private school, a story about a family of fruitarians, and a story about a girl who fetishises her disabled boyfriend(s). 3.5/5

pedro páramo, juan rulfo (gernan transl. by dagmar ploetz) mexican classic about a rich and abusive landowner (the titular pedro paramo) and the ghost town he leaves behind - quite literally, as, when his son tries to find his father, the town is full of people, quite ready to talk shit about pedro, but they are all dead. it’s an interesting setting with occasionally vivid writing, but the skips in time and character were kind of confusing and i lost my place a lot. i’d be interested in reading rulfo’s other major work, el llano en llamas. 2.5/5

verse für zeitgenossen, mascha kaléko short collection of the poems kaléko, a jewish german poet, wrote while in exile in the united states in the 30-40s, as well as some poems written after the end of ww2. kaléko’s voice is witty, but at turns also melancholy or satirical. as expected i preferred the pieces that directly addressed the experience of exile (”sozusagen ein mailied” is one of my favourite exillyrik pieces). 3/5

the harpy, megan hunter yeah this was boooooooring. the cover is really cool & the premise sounded intriguing (women gets cheated on, makes deal with husband that she is allowed to hurt him three times in revenge, women is also obsessed with harpies: female revenge & female monsters is my jam) but it’s literally so dull & trying so hard to be deep. 1.5/5

the liar’s dictionary, eley williams this is such a delightful book, from the design (those marbled endpapers? yes) to the preface (all about what a dictionary is/could be), to the chapter headings (A-Z words, mostly relating to lies, dishonesty, etc in some way or another, containing at least one fictitious entry), to the dual plots (intern at new edition of a dictionary in contemporary england checking the incomplete old dictionary for mountweazels vs 1899 london with the guy putting the mountweazels in), to williams’s clear joy about words and playing with them. there were so many lines that made me think about how to translate them, which is always a fun exercise. 3.5/5

catherine the great & the small, olja knežević (tr. from montenegrin by ellen elias-bursać, paula gordon) coming-of-age-ish novel about katarina from montenegro, who grows up in  titograd/podgorica and belgrad in the 70s/80s, eventually moving to london as an adult. to be honest while there are some interesting aspects in how this portrays yugoslavia and conflicts between the different parts of yugoslavia, i mostly found this a pretty sloggy slog of misery without much to emotionally connect to, which is sad bc i was p excited for it :(. 2/5

the decameron project: 29 new stories from the pandemic, anthology a collection of short stories written during covid lockdown (and mostly about covid/lockdown in some way). they got a bunch of cool authors, including margaret atwood, edwidge danticat, rachel kushner ... it’s an interesting project and the stories are mostly pretty good, but there wasn’t one that really stood out to me as amazing. i also kinda wish more of the stories had diverged more from covid/lockdown thematically bc it got a lil repetitive tbh. 2/5