#‘Fantasized’ about it being Hannibal I was killing.

[justaweirdonothingtoseehere]

Margot asks him wtf happened to his window and he’s like. ‘Oh. Yeah. A stag got caught in it bc of a storm or whatever’

But imagine how fucking funny it would be if he answered honestly???

[barrenclan]

I've seen a couple people depict Deepdark with sharp teeth and it Does look cool, but instead of just appreciating it for that I've been mentally debating with myself on whether sharp or dull teeth are more thematically fitting. Paired with his meat eating habits, both make him seem deeply Wrong, but the sharp teeth mark him as wrong because he is Not a deer despite outwardly looking like one, while the dull teeth mark him as wrong because he Is a deer and deer aren't supposed to eat meat and kill. Honestly I'm leaning towards dull teeth but I'm curious about your thoughts as the author, though if you don't want to answer that's reasonable.

You mean like, literally? Because in the comic, Deepdark is a deer, so he has a hard palate on the top of his mouth and dull molars on the bottom of his mouth. Cuz he's a deer.

I like the sharp teeth too, and they're also something that Deepdark fantasizes about in-canon, but a huge part of his character is tied to his being a prey-animal and a deer who is intruding on the space of carnivores.

Thanks! I think it is a very fitting voice for him, slow and even and rhythmic. (Hannibal from Silence of the Lambs.)

[sneezypeasy]

*sigh*

Y'know, this really doesn't/shouldn't matter, but as this particular accusation keeps getting thrown at me over and over again - oh fuck it, I'm gonna take the bait this one time and set the record straight once and for all. Honestly my "appetite" in this context is truly not anyone's business (and if you don't care to hear about it this is the one warning you'll get to click away lmao) but I've reached the point where if you really wanna attack my credibility based on who you think I enjoy fantasizing about, I'm gonna throw you a bone and tell you exactly what type that is - cuz as much as I'm sick of the ad hominem attacks the Aussie in me is even more sick of watching them miss so fucking hard. If you're gonna roast me, the least you can do is hit me where it hurts, goddamn it. Get it right or go home you uncooked noodles. Capiche?

When it comes to my taste in men, my "type" is: big, strong, hairy brutes. There, I said it. Give me lumberjacks, give me cavemen, I want my Jason Momoas, I want my Ma Dong-Seoks, I want them broad shoulders and tree-trunk calves and I wanna see those muscles bulge. If a fictional character ever gets me biting my lip at the screen, it's never gonna be a fine-featured pretty boy, it's gonna be a good thick daddy who can take my wrists, pin me against a wall and [--------------------------------‐---sustained bleep sound effect---------------------------------]

1:38-1:51 🤣

Personality wise, I'm a basic bitch who has approximately zero defenses for the "jerk with a heart of gold" stereotype. Gets me every time, without fail. The smooth-talking playboy who flirts with everyone and who could bed anyone he wanted, but who only lets you see him at his deepest, dearest, most vulnerable moments? Sorry, am I supposed to not fall for that shit or something? Well frankly I don't understand how and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If he happens to be built like a fortress on top of that? Yeah, I'm done. Have me bathed and brought to your tent, sir, please and thank you.

I admit, it's rare that a character with the physique I like also has that heartbreaker personality I'm a sucker for. Guys in fiction are usually strong and mean or they make up for their lighter frames with silver tongues and barbed promises - rarely do writers create a character who's stacked with both brains and brawn, so to speak. Makes sense though, as while irl people can max out any combination of stats that they put effort towards - in fiction a character who's too good at too many different attributes can come across unbalanced or Gary Stu-ish and will fail to resonate with audiences unless the writer really knows what they're doing.

That being said, there really isn't any character in ATLA who fits my type - either of them, actually. There are some bit characters like Chit Sang who get close in terms of physical build - but Chit Sang has very gaunt, angular facial features that I'm really not a fan of and tbh, while I get that I can't expect all my big buff boys to also be masters of wit and cunning and charm, being dumber than a box of rocks does seal it for me, sorry. In terms of personality, I guess the closest character would be Jet, and he's cool and all but yeah, the whole "would go as far as killing kids" thing makes him a bit of a hard sell for me too. (And yes, it's worth questioning the writers' choices to create him with those flaws to begin with but look, that's a discussion for another day 😂)

All this to say, if you wanna tease me about coveting fictional characters and allowing thirst to cloud my judgment - COME AT ME BOYS. But not with Zuko, for fuck's sake. The character that makes sneezy.exe blue-screen ain't him. It's actually the late great Carthaginian General Hannibal Barca, the man the myth the legend may he Rest in Peace if anyone's seriously wondering. Look, I do like the scar, and the awkwardness is endearing - he's definitely not ugly or unappealing by any means so please don't misunderstand, I'm not trying to bash him or nothin' - but if I'm being brutally honest, he's not my type! Not physically, not even emotionally. If I ship Zutara, it's because aspects of the ship appeal to me that are unrelated to my personal opinion of Zuko as an object of fantasy, which if you must know (and now you do, congratulations, you're welcome), the kind of boy I do fantasise about when I'm in the mood for that sort of thing could literally and figuratively sweep Zuko off his feet - and then sit on him. In either order.

P.S. While we're on this topic, the character I personally relate to most heavily is not Katara either btw. It's Toph. If you're going to accuse me of bias, questioning my views on Toph would make the most sense for that reason. But really, it's hardly my fault that she's basically the most perfect flawless irreproachable badass in ATLA or practically all of animation as a whole. Come on now. *whistles innocently*

[kaiitykuppycake]

Part one of rants:

Went back to Hannibal because I just felt the need to continue after a while of not watching it...and the development and changing of Will's character in the latter half of the second season is fucking interesting as hell. And I have to talk about it.

He's out of prison, gone back to therapy with Hannibal and it's gayer than ever. No matter how much they show Will and Hannibal sleeping with women, I will still be convinced they are both at least Bi. You can cut that sexual tension with a scythe.

Will starts out as trying to go back to the way he was, but still with a hatred for Hannibal and how he's been able to avoid being officially classified as the Ripper yet again even though we all know he is. But then Will kills someone without Hannibal to stop him as he had before, and he fantasized about killing Hannibal. It seems to awaken something in Will bringing Hannibal's true influence to light.

Will even killed Freddie Lounds when she finds out how he and Hannibal mutilated the man he killed and he brings her meat to Hannibal to cook for them. Just fucking diabolical, my dude.

This season went from Hannibal missing his toy to him getting it back but with a new found kindred spirit to go with it. Oh and a murder husband to boot.

I hate that I love this, all of this and how it's been done, but it's soooo fucked up...but I can't help but respect the narrative they build this season well done Brian Fuller, you go Brian Fuller.

[ozzgin]

Ozz I unironically love the idea of a fucked up not-quite-romance between a fire ant and an anteater and you have inspired me

the only thing in my head is that it ends in the anteater actually eating the ant alive (in a brutal and gruesome manner) and the last thoughts of the ant as the excruciating pain from being devoured while still conscious begins to fade to a dull ache are just "Oh this is an act of love, they're consuming me out of a desire to be closer than bodily possible so they're doing the only thing they can think to do" and the ant weakly tries to lean up for a kiss only for part of their head to get chomped off which finally kills them

and then after it's all done the anteater realizes they actually did love the ant but their hunger always got in the way of realizing it

bonus: make it a crossover and have the detective with the yan!eldritch god investigate the crime scene after the body was found (and the anteater is now holed up somewhere slowly losing their sanity from emotional agony because they ate the person they loved)

sorry if this is too fucked up for you, I like writing dark and twisted murder mysteries and describing the kills in detail (I am asking this on anonymous out of fear and shame)

My only observation to your otherwise perfectly splendid story is whether it's a final chomp we're talking about, or just one, big slurp. Given Reader is a straight-up anteater, or at least maintains some of that anteater behavior, there might be slight technical difficulties when it comes to chewing the yandere in the theatrical way suggested by you.

The Detective!Reader and Eldritch God embark on a gruesome journey that causes them to question their own morality and sense of love. The ancient monster gazes upon the scarce remains of the ant, and a thought suddenly strikes him: would he ever find himself in a similar position? When his beloved human reaches old age, would he not be tempted to devour their very soul while it's still throbbing with life and dreams? It has potential. Though for him, personally...he'd rather just kill the masses and trade their souls for yours.

Heh. It's a nice idea, and you absolutely don't have to worry about something being too gory. When it comes to cannibalistic tendencies, I do have one Hannibal x Reader short which I feel is very much on topic. It's a trope I enjoy a lot, but I never know when to insert it in a story. I actually have an empty draft for a Yan!Artist, and I'm now wondering if I should write it in a mildly horror-esque manner, where the Yandere keeps painting you as dissected and split open, fantasizing about your insides as the ultimate form of intimacy.

[fancyfeathers]

@istgtumlrifyoudothisonemoretime asked a question

op i see you have a need to write smart stuff. here's the best my potato brain has to offer : a psychologist darling. kind of like hannibal and clarice. a psych student trying her best to understand her math professor at times and psycho analysing him for fun, even at times asking HIM to help her read others since he is so much clearer. this is all good until she one day decides to psychologically profile the lord of crime based on his crimes...and realises alot matches with the things her professor told her... she has to take it to sherlock-

Ahhh I literally just started Hannibal and I could honestly see her having the same gift for empathy that Will has and being able to sense and interpret the feelings and motives of other people. I do not think she would be able to dream or fantasize in killing someone and instead is terrified by the idea of it. But the way she is able to see through people is like Dr. Lector and understand exactly how they tick, she is a mix between the two of them.

I imagine it is her final year at university when Professor Moriarty comes to teach at the school, she is one of the top students, excepted to work in maybe a top hospital to help patients deal with trauma or in the police to provide operational support in situations ranging from hostage negotiation to criminal profiling. Then there is no doubt that she will graduate valedictorian. William does not have her as a student since she had finished her math credits with the previous professor, but he certainly hears the rumors about the genius student who drives her professors insane by psycho analyzing them when she is bored in class. He catches glimpses of her in the halls when she is walking from one class to another or to her dormitory but never has a real opportunity to meet her, he honestly hears about her more than he sees her even from the most surprising places…

He honestly never expected to hear about her from the famous detective, Sherlock Holmes. When he encounters the famous detective on the train he mentions the same brilliant student because he had the pleasure of working together with her when Scotland Yard brought her in as an intern over the summer to hopefully convince her to join the force upon her graduation.

Then one day near the end of term after his lectures he sees her walking into his classroom as everyone else is walking out. She asks him if she could use him for her final, write a report on someone’s behaviors and their physiological state. William agrees, curious to see if everything he was told about her was true. So he invites her over to the Durham estate for an evening with him and his family so she can make her observations, conversation, dinner, drinks, and then her final observations. When she is sitting in the parlor with the three brothers she begins to break down her observations.

They all survived the fire that took their parents but they seem to suffer no psychological trauma so they perhaps could have felt detachment, or experienced abuse in their care. Louis seems abnormally protective of William as he was turning over his stake knife in his hand practically all dinner since William explained why she was there, as if he was scared something would happen to William and then not to mention that Louis serves as the house staff which is unusual for such a noble standing and that would potentially lead to different views than most of nobility has and they could potentially be ridiculed for those said views. Then Albert was not to different as he poured her a rather large glass of wine when she mentioned that she would be writing the paper when she returned to campus. There are a few other things, but of course she luckily never picked up on any criminal activity since they hid anything that may lead her to that conclusion.

She graduates from the university William does not see her for quite sometime until he hears from Paterson that they received her on the Scotland Yard force, she was hired specifically to investigate the Lord of Crime, recommended by Sherlock Holmes and many police officers who have witnessed her work on the scene and her psychology professor back at Durham. Once a scene is identified by the Lord of Crime she works on her case study about the criminal mastermind, gathering more pieces on who he might be. Sometimes killing styles do not align or the use of different methods of getting to their victim changes drastically, faked heart attacks, falling into the sea or river, having someone else shoot them in their own manor, poisoning their wine at a masquerade, and the list goes on, all nobility with some sort of stain on their past. The Lord of Crime had to have connections to nobility but yet does not wish to be apart of them as he kills them.

She gets told one day that the Jefferson Hope is getting to sick and this may be the last chance she has to get any more information from him. So when she sits down with him and the two of them talk, just talk, about his life, why he did it, his late wife. She learns that his benefactor is wanting to change society, get rid of the class system, get rid of wicked nobles…

…views that could potentially be ridiculed.

She returns home to dig up her old report on the professor from her alma mater and compare it to her case file on the Lord of Crime and a panic sweeps over her as she realizes when she was laying out the crimes in her mind from the killer’s point of view she was seeing it from William’s eyes.

When she goes to retrieve a copy of the official case file from Scotland Yard and not just her notes so she has more to work with in order to show Sherlock, she notices that they are missing. She knows that some on the force then is working with the Lord of Crime and he is onto her, trying to get rid of the evidence and it is like playing a game for him. It is a game of cat and mouse and she cannot let herself be the mouse.

She has no idea that just like how she was observing the Lord of Crime or William at dinner, he has been observing her as well all this time. Paterson giving him details on how she behaves in the office, Fred or Bonde watching her from the building across from her flat which has a perfect view into her window, Mr. Jack following her on the days she goes to the market as he himself gets things for the estate, Albert watching her when she goes to prestigious clubs to conduct interviews with potential suspects, or even William himself watching her from the shadows when she is looking about a crime scene…

And he finds her fascinating, the way her mind functions to understand a killer but she would never commit such an act herself or how she can completely understand his motives without even trying. It is truly remarkable, as well as a problem, but why get rid of such a remarkable thing when you observe it like a beautiful nightingale in a cage while it sings?

[wyldblunt]

what are glyndwr's thoughts on joko

oh anon. ohhhhh, anon. where do we begin. also thank you for this i was having kind of a stressful night and trhis is taking my mind off it entirely

okay so. you know the whole Hello, Clarice hannibal lecter thing (he never actually said that in the movie but you know what i mean. that vibe. cat and mouse questionably mutual fascination). okay take that. but instead of hannibal and clarice it's TWO hannibals. except one of the hannibals is Reformed now and he has pinky-promised to stop being evil and to try his best not to kill civilians as collateral damage and to even [big heaving eye-rolling sigh] LIKE, BE NICE TO PEOPLE CLOSE TO HIM SOMETIMMMMEESSSS UGH, and maybe Good Guy Hannibal has even been doing pretty okay at all of this "being one of the good guys" thing. like, not GREAT. he's okay at it.

well, we're starting there.

glyndwr has not, like, had A Nemesis since callas, and frankly callas hasn't been his REAL nemesis in ages bc his "main character of an MMO" power creep WAYYYYY outstripped her whole thing like, back in the personal story, and i think he has kind of forgotten what having a nemesis does to his brain. and the answer to "what does having a nemesis do to glyndwr's brain" is IT FUCKING LIQUIFIES IT

so the whole joko thing starts, and maybe alan thought it was a little weird how aggressive glyn got poking at joko thru the bars of his cage in the domain of the lost but oh well, sometimes glyn gets really aggro and likes to antagonize people, what are you gonna do. but then after that, all of the "let's dress up as his archon and steal his armies!!!" and "let's make it look like there's a sunspear rebellion, don't you think that will make joko sooooooo mad. do you think he'll be mad. how mad do you think he'll get" etc etc is all glyndwr, and they are all plans that the rest of our main group are generally not JAZZED about. they are similarly not jazzed about the fact that glyndwr brings joko up at every single opportunity in every conversation, and generally is not sleeping At All, and is maybe back on bloodstone again?, and also his Evil Laugh is back after a multi-year absence

basically a lot of glyndwr's post-villainy progress backslides REALLY HARD bc he is just having, frankly, way too much fun playing Evil War Barbies with a lich king. a really big part of most of glyndwr's interpersonal conflicts thru lws4 kick up bc he is Actively Having Fun the whole time (in... in his own way...) which is unsettling and offputting for most of his loved ones.

i guess this is all more his BEHAVIOR about joko rather than his THOUGHTS about joko, so summary of his THOUGHTS about joko: as obsessed with joko as glyn is, he definitely does not RESPECT joko, but that's like. almost making him weirder about it? bc he refuses to lose to someone he doesn't respect and also he holds joko in so much contempt that 50% of this whole thing is just him fantasizing about how much he'll be able to rub joko's nose in it when he finally wins and assert once and for all that he is The Bigger Better More Awesomer And Most Devious Mastermind. but also maybe a little bit of all of this is that he envies joko a little. maybe glyndwr is a little too aware of how overpowered he is and is indulging in a little daydreaming about what he could have accomplished if he had stayed evil instead of switching over. and maybe he is then squashing those daydreams by putting every single ounce of his being into trying to annihilate joko off the face of the earth as loudly and violently as possible, to prove that he is actually still good

also it's not a sex thing. i know that because of how glyn is this looks indistinguishable from a sex thing for him. but it's not

[milzumono]

a rant on nbc hannibal and freedom - j. krishnamurti’s philosophy

[the following is a slightly-edited typed up rant of a video recording i made talking to myself about nbc hannibal in relation to Jiddu Krishnamurti’s philosophical view of freedom last fall. i recommend his book Think on these Things.  yeah i have brainrot. i don’t really go anywhere deep with this. it really is just more of a ramble, but maybe someone will find it cool. there are spoilers.]

**

i had a philosophy class and we were talking about krishnamurti’s definition of freedom and what it means to be free, and how one can achieve authentic freedom.

krishnamurti basically says that freedom comes from revolting - obviously - but not in the typical way. he means freedom comes from revolting against what is expected of you and of what you were conditioned. freedom to krishnamurti means not repressing who you are. it’s looking into yourself and letting go of the fear of what you’ll find if you really really look into yourself. it’s allowing a thought to be acted upon. because the more you think about something and that idea takes root in your head, it’s a lot harder to get it out. and it’s a lot more likely that you’ll act on that thought eventually. but we repress a lot of thoughts. we have a lot of thoughts, we think about them, we imagine doing them, but we often don’t do them. krishnamurti says freedom is acting upon that thought. it’s not just independence; it’s not financial independence. you can do all of those things and still not be free. freedom to krishnamurti is intelligence, it’s looking into what you are and just seeing it for what it is. i believe the ultimate definition of his view of freedom is not trying to become anything except yourself. it’s having the intelligence to become yourself. and to transform. because from understanding comes transformation.

and me being the bitch i am, mentioned hannibal to the professor. [the professor didn’t mind it, someone else had brought up adventure time the other day, i don’t even remember why… he thanked me for bringing it up. if i didn’t think he’d be okay with it i wouldn’t have.] because with that whole show (besides the homoeroticism and murder and all of that) i love thinking about the philosophical aspects of freedom and morality and precisely what krishnamurti describes as becoming yourself. that is part of the core of the show. it’s about a character who becomes himself upon meeting someone who sees him for all of him and accepts it. of course, will’s becoming of himself heavily casts shadows on his own morality. so i said to the professor that in krishnamurti’s eyes i think he would say that hannibal is free. his nature is that he likes killing people, and finds beauty in death and in what he does and what he creates out of these people he finds discourteous and rude. he is who he is when he's alone without any guilt or shame. he values his freedom. i mean, at the end of the “mizumono” he verbalizes how much it matters to him, which made will’s betrayal all the more painful. (“my freedom, then. you would take that from me.”)

and you have will who’s a foil to that, who’s very much like hannibal. (“we’re just alike.”) he likes killing people, he fantasizes about killing people, but the difference is he’s arguably not free, because throughout the whole show he’s repressing that urge and he tries his hardest to file these thoughts away because until he meets hannibal he accepts that no one would ever tolerate it. and even if someone does, his conditioned morality constantly reminds him how many people would get hurt. he believes he should employ his empathy, compassion, and imagination for the greater good. so will is literally the exact opposite of freedom, because like krishnamurti said he’s driven by his fear. he fears becoming something. he fears becoming himself. he fears the transformation that hannibal describes in “savoureux”—becoming something other than yourself—yourself in this case who he wants to believe he is, rather than who he actually is/his true self. (“if you had just cultivated the urges you kept down for so long, followed the inspirations as they are, you would’ve become someone other than yourself.”) his whole arc is will trying to be a good, or at least normal and decent person and struggling. will is not any of that, and neither is hannibal. will takes pleasure in killing people, he relishes the savagery of it… that’s just who he is. but he’s always trying to mold himself into everyone else. (a believable person suit.) he just wants to fit into society, but he’s doomed not to, and that’s why his inner conflict and dissatisfaction is the main propeller of the story.

thus i believe that the likelihood of them both dying at the end of the series was the most feasible form of freedom. because there were three possibilities—they live, and kill people, they live and they repress who they are (they don’t kill people), and three, they both die. them living and both killing people is bad for obvious reasons. them living and repressing who they are and not killing people…? sure, it’s moral in the sense that they don’t kill anybody, but it’s also sad for them to have to repress who they are because they thus lose their own freedom in that process. other people have their freedom, but then they lose theirs. they would have to live their whole lives pretending to be people they aren’t, and that’s not really living. so… that’s kinda fucked up. or at least the series makes us think so. they both die? no one else gets killed, and the end of their existence means they can finally stop fighting their urges or changing themselves to conform to the world. (while i love musing on their life together in a s4, this is why most days i believe they died in that sea after all. perhaps will would never feel free even if they did survive the fall - perhaps society’s eyes would weigh him down no matter what. this may have been one reason for him plunging off that cliff. he was with hannibal, the truest and freest versions of themselves had fully conjoined for the first time, but perhaps will believed they could only maintain true, eternal freedom in this lifetime through death. but at least they would be together. it’s tragic.)

(it’s beautiful.)

[this part is much more of a tangent.] what was interesting is that my professor claims hannibal isn’t really free, because he’s hindered by a mental illness and a psychopathic disorder. but that’s the thing. he isn’t quite a psychopath. he isn’t a sociopath. he’s capable of profound love and compassion (although for only two people in his life), and that’s what makes him such a complex character. he can’t be categorized into any one thing. so can we really say he’s hindered by a mental disorder? obviously there is a lack of empathy in how he can so easily find a reason to kill someone and he definitely suffers from narcissism, but my point is he’s still capable of love. then, doesn’t that also bring into question… what exactly is a mental illness? most people would define it as a long-term mental state that causes you to not be able to function in society properly. well, if everyone has a different definition of what it means to live in a functional society and what a functional society looks like, then, can we really say that anything is a mental illness? [obviously i’m not referring to conditions like depression that directly go against one’s own survival. i mean more so things like adhd, is adhd really a disorder, or do we just live in a society that has very specific and confined definitions of what it means to be successful that doesn’t meet eye to eye with something like adhd—so many people with adhd are extremely gifted in their hobbies or analytical skills, and i would not deem anything to be ‘wrong’ with them… but this is a whole other discussion.

because this is fiction, i’m able to delve into the minds of these people with a lot of traits of antisocial personality disorder, and see they still revolt against that label. which many characters remark throughout the series.]

hannibal genuinely thinks he is contributing to a better world by being who he is. he sees the people he kills as pigs, so he believes they’re better off being bacon. so if he thinks he’s genuinely doing good by wiping up these pigs… if that’s his way of contributing to a better society, can we really classify that as a mental illness? [i take a huge ass pause here]

tdlr; hannibal has formed his own philosophy on life and people, a weird combination of hedonism and aestheticism, and lived it shamelessly. will battles it for the entire series. whether hannibal, in particular, was free the entire time or was always imprisoned by his own inflated sense of self and inability to understand just how much his manipulation of will inevitably hurt him, is difficult to answer.

by the way, just to make things clear, i know he’s a terrible person. if i knew him, i myself would want him dead. him and will. not out of hatred, but just because that would be the best thing for them. they wouldn’t have their freedom in prison, but being alive they would destroy other people’s freedom. so the best thing for them is to just not exist. i’m not justifying how either of them perceive the world or how they conduct themselves. they’re literally murderers. i’m just trying to see it for what it is because i find this story so fucking fascinating.

[*on that note… if you’d like, you can check out my will inspired playlist here.]

[rpmemesbyarat]

MEME FROM THE HANNIBAL EPISODE “SU ZUKANA”

“The great outdoors. I get the attraction. In the summer.” “More flavorful and firm than farmed specimens.” “We will absorb this experience. It will change us.” “None of our actions were personal.” “You thought I was a killer.” “The greatest crime now would be to walk away from what we've shared and suffered. In many ways, we need each other. We are the only ones who will know what this feels like.” “I agree with the pagans. The horse is divine.” “All beasts of burden are sacred animals.” “This kind of mutilation usually presents as cult activity.” “This is every bit as much about giving life as it is taking it.” “You are no more at fault for what happened to you than if you had been bitten by a mad dog.” “Doing bad things to bad people makes us feel good.” “It would actually have been more therapeutic if you had killed him.” “Too much has happened for us not to talk about this.” “I would change many things, but not that we ended up here.” “The uterus isn't always such a safe, forgiving environment. Shark fetuses cannibalize each other in utero. And chances are very good everybody in this room absorbed a twin.” “I don't want you to see me. I don't want you to see what I do.”

“I want to calm you, comfort you.”

“There's so much comfort in darkness.” “I hope that the forces of death and biology will bring you rebirth.” “How is this healing?” “Are you feeling under stress?” “Rebirths can only ever be symbolic.”

“You've been reborn.” “Last time, it nearly destroyed you.”

“Last time, you nearly destroyed me.” “You may have to pretend, but I don't.” “I don't expect you to admit anything.” “I prefer sins of omission to outright lies.” “Do you fantasize about killing me?” “Every human being is capable of committing acts of great cruelty.” “They think I'm weird.” “It’s fine to be weird.” “Everybody loves a sinner redeemed.” “Anger is an energizing emotion.” “If you really want to kill [NAME] wait until you can get away with it. Or find someone to do it for you.” “I didn't kill anyone.” “No one will believe me.” “Right now I'm feeling inconvenienced.” “Society needs caring people.” “Society needs a few psychopaths to keep the rest of us on our toes.” “There is no evidence I did this.” “You've been expressing a lot of rage recently.” “People take out their resentments on those closest to them.” “You're destroying your life.” “Some will say this was a long time coming.” “You look like a man who has suffered an irrevocable loss.” “I need to be saved from who you perceive me to be.” “Many troublesome behaviors strike when you are uncertain of yourself.” “I'm alone in that darkness.” “You’re not alone, [NAME]. I’m standing right beside you.” “Is your social worker in that horse?” “I used to have a horrible fear of hurting anything.” “An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.” “What was done to you was cruelty for cruelty's sake.” “I envy you your hate. It makes it easier when you know how to feel.” “Might want to crawl back in there if you know what's good for you.” “I'm the victim here.” “Pick up the hammer.” “It won’t feel the same. It won’t feel like killing me.” “I could never entirely predict you.” “I can feed the caterpillar, and I can whisper through the chrysalis, but what hatches follows its own nature and is beyond me.”

[lonesomedreamer]

SNW Liveblog: “Among the Lotus Eaters”

In which they’re mean to Spock for no reason, but Spock helps save the day anyway.

In its own way, this is scene just as staged/cheesy as anything in TOS…it’s also giving NBC Hannibal (not a compliment from me).

Look: I just don’t care about the supposedly corrupt bureaucracy and chain of command in Starfleet. When I watch Trek, I want to escape into a post-scarcity utopian society, and nuTrek can pry that out of my cold, dead hands!!!

Other things I don’t care about: Pike’s on-again, off-again relationship with Batel. Sorry. This show already has too many characters vying for screentime with too few episodes to develop them to be wasting time on this.

Love that Pike makes sure to put out the candles before he leaves…meanwhile his quarters has a huge, open fireplace that burns 24/7.

Not that everything they do on the Enterprise isn’t science-related, but… “science specialist”? Do you guys even WATCH the show??? Gold is for the command division, red is for operations/engineering, and BLUE IS FOR SCIENCE! At least pretend to give a shit about your show’s own universe. (Oh…wait…)

“Most of the time I fly the ship, which is cool, but can get boring.” Speaking for all the kids (and adults!) who have fantasized about flying the Enterprise for the last 55 years: kindly fuck off.

“Can’t you just say ‘two moons’?” / “We get it, Spock.” Spock is the science officer (and ALSO Vulcan). Get off his back!!! His SNW crewmates nitpick him worse than Bones ever did.

I don’t like Ortegas much—she’s still written like garbage, no fault of the actor—and her perpetual bitchiness towards Spock is NOT helping.

“Doctors love being tasked for a mission because of their combat skills.” Maybe you should’ve thought of that three episodes ago when you were LARPing Wolverine in slo-mo against the Klingons for like ten minutes, M’Benga…

This line might have been okay by itself—McCoy-esque, if you will—except they’ve been giving Spock shit for Doing His Damn Job for the entire episode so far.

I love Christine, and SNW!Christine has grown on me, but…she’s not even the Head Nurse on this show. Why is she running Sickbay solo? Am I supposed to believe that the Enterprise doesn’t staff more than a single doctor??

“As long as it stays isolated to Uhura” Since they don’t know the cause and therefore whether the condition is infectious, shouldn’t they at least isolate Uhura? (They experienced a similar outbreak just a few episodes ago!!!)

Speaking of Uhura, seems pretty shitty of the writers to have Uhura be the first one to lose her memory: TOS already did that. (If it’s an homage, it’s not a good one.)

I adore Ethan, but sometimes his line delivery is weirdly stilted.

:')

There’s literally no one else left on the Bridge apart from Spock and Ortegas? Okay…

“It’s not the Spock show!” but it should be.

Whatever’s affecting the rest of the crew should affect Spock differently and/or belatedly due to his different genetic code. Then again, the only thing these writers seem to know about Vulcans is that they talk about logic a lot.

Not the computer having a ghost-of-Mufasa moment with Ortegas… (“Remember who you are.”)

“I feel like I know how to do this. And I’m the only one who can.” * Put a pin in this.

“Abso-friggin’-lutely.” Awful.

I didn’t think you can block a phaser blast with like...a physical shield?? Especially one (presumably) set to kill???

Kirk was involved in a lot of fights, but watching the captain of the Enterprise repeatedly kick/pistol-whip a guy who’s already laying prone on the ground is…surreal and horrible.

Trek’s always been two parts morality play, one part scifi, but can I get the scientific part of the reveal again? Something about radiation from an asteroid?? It sounds kind of interesting—but they’re just gonna gloss over it, aren’t they??

Also, the Enterprise is designed to protect its crew against all kinds of radiation—we know that because it was built to fly in SPACE, which is radioactive as fuck. So what’s special about these asteroids (and if the planet’s atmosphere is too thick to be penetrated by the Enterprise’s scanners, why can’t it protect the planet from the radiation coming off the asteroids that surround it)??

Please stop showing Pike punching this guy over and over again. It’s actually upsetting, I can’t see the point, if there is one.

Pike: “[Rigel VII] shows us who we really are…” Pike 30 seconds earlier: kicking and punching an unarmed man who’s sprawled out, bleeding, on the floor Pike: “The lives of my crew mean everything to me.”

sure-jan.gif

Look…TOS could be really unsubtle and on-the-nose about its messaging. It still did it with so much more grace and flair than THIS. “He was right. Not having a past…it can be nice for a while.” “I know what you mean. But maybe some memories are worth the pain of others.” / “The story of your life, the details…they matter!” Wow, what do you guys think is this episode trying to say?!?

*“No one but you could pull this off.” In “Mirror Mirror,” a visibly nervous Uhura hesitates after Kirk issues his orders; he then reassures her by earnestly saying “You’re the only one who can do it.” It’s meaningful because it’s true—Uhura is the only one both with the necessary skills and whom Kirk can trust in the mirror universe. Here, it’s just Pike stroking the ego of an officer who’s already an arrogant smartass…plus, while Ortegas might be the best pilot on board, the episode repeatedly makes it clear that she is NOT the only one qualified to “fly the ship.”

“I don’t blame Spock. He’s still got a lot to learn.” Why the fuck would anyone blame Spock for anything that went down here?!! The man was trying to analyze the asteroids—the very same ones that robbed everyone of their memories—at the beginning of the episode when everyone was rolling their eyes and saying “not now, Spock,” and look where it fucking got them!

And in the very next line, we learn that Spock came up with the solution that SAVED THE SHIP/CREW.

“It feels logical to me.” This is the kind of shit y’all should be angry about re: Spock, not him smooching Christine. It FEELS logical. Retch.

I know I sound really critical here, but I actually found this one a lot easier to watch (almost) straight-through than some of the previous episodes, i.e., without having to stop and scream in frustration. It was less mundane and plodding than the previous one (and left SNW!Kirk behind, thank God). That said, I did find myself tempted to fast-forward through some of the scenes on Rigel VII, and I did skip around during the Pike/Batel scenes. I also saw a lot of comments that this episode is very TOS...I guess so? Imo the resemblance is surface-level only, though.

The Good: Hey, they're on a STRANGE NEW-(to-the-viewer) WORLD! Imagine that! — La'an's costume and the way she's styled for the away mission. — Boring subplot aside, Batel also looks really nice. — The vibe, planetside, is trying to be like TOS. Gold star for effort? — A few funny lines. — Ethan gets a lot of flattering shots in this episode. :3

The Bad: A lot of time wasted between Ortegas' repeated “I fly the ship” mantra (both early and later on) and the Pike/Batel scenes that bookend the episode. — Almost everyone being critical of what Spock says and how he says it; it borders on unprofessional and mean and is ESPECIALLY bad since Spock then uses science to restore their memories (off-screen, of course). — Making Uhura the first one to get amnesia. — Failing to develop Ortegas at all in what I assume is supposed to be an “Ortegas episode.” — Christine's hair. My poor girl! — Spock forgets how to READ?!?? (I missed this while I was watching because it's just Too Stupid for me to believe they actually went there.) — Gratuitous violence from Pike that seemed to serve no thematic or symbolic purpose.

There better be Spockstine in the next one, because without it, Ethan’s face is still worth it…barely, though.

[chewtoyboytoy]

Okay I wanna talk about some thoughts I have regarding "Saltburn".

To set the tone: I am so incredibly conflicted about this movie.

It is visually STUNNING. It looks like everything my dark academia obsessed heart fantasizes about. However, the dark academia vibe it was so clearly going for stops at the visuals.

The plot is interesting, but it takes the bare bones of DarkAc stories and works off of that alone. You've got the Outsider getting a closer look at opulence and trying to learn how to fit in as they go. You've got "the unspoken game", and the tension that you never know if it'll manifest into sex or violence or both. However, the plot is kind of... shallow? And it doesn't even reveal itself as such until the end, which feels like a soft betrayal. If that's the angle it was going for - a betrayal by Oliver to the audience just as he's betrayed all the other characters - it's a success, but not a satisfying one.

Speaking of the ending though, it was incredibly Hollywood. It very much felt like "assume the audience is stupid, so make sure to spell everything out." We knew Oliver killed those people. We could tell by his reactions to their deaths. We didn't need to see how he did it, and by doing so, it opened up avenues of how he shouldn't have been able to get away with it. If we never knew how he did it, we could plausibly assume it must have been in such a way that it was undetectable. By not knowing, we'd have also been that much more terrified by Oliver. We'd never know just how much he was capable of, each viewer coming to their own worst possible scenario. It should've been left open ended.

Additionally, a staple of DarkAc is it's subtly. Even when things FEEL bold, rarely are they actually. Most everything in "Saltburn" feels bold because it IS. The Bathtub scene is the most talked about and gagged over scene, and yet, it was the most subtle of the major Gross Events(tm). THAT felt DarkAc. The Grave scene did not.

This movie also enlightened me to a fixture of DarkAc that I hadn't noticed before, despite it being so clearly plain to see - its use of language. Whatever opinions you may have on the genre or these specific books, "The Secret History," by Donna Tart and "If We Were Villains," by M.L. Rio and "The Atlas Six,' by Olivie Blake are incredibly beautiful reads. The words chosen mean everything. When it comes to film, you are limited exclusively to dialogue when it comes to word choice.

There are ways around this, like NBC's "Hannibal", where it's made clear immediately that Everyone Just Talks Like That. The world is built in a way that allows the writers to use all the purple prose they want without it feeling ill-fitting to the characters. In "Saltburn", the characters had their own voice that needed to be worked around. I'm not saying it would have been better to go the Hannibal route, just pointing out how it limited their language extensively.

Despite all this, I still really liked the film. But it wasn't DarkAc, it was DarkAc camp. Which is fun, too - an entertaining film is a successful film. And boy, you could not pry my eyes away from that screen.

4/5 stars :) 👍

[darkfire359]

I feel like “brat” (and by extension, “brat tamer”) is such a terrible bdsm term, especially as applied to fictional characters. It’s just so juvenile-sounding. You know what kind of characters *want* to act antagonistic until they’re eventually overpowered by the subject of their affections? That’s right, it’s the violent, dangerous ones. And *especially* the terrifyingly insane villains.

Are you telling me that Hannibal “Are you fantasizing about killing me?” Lector, who spends the entire series prodding Will into being a proper dom, should be called a *brat*? No. It’s an awful term that needs a better name.

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Ooh, it wouldn't have occurred to me to think about those two murders together! I would say Hannibal and Will both feel some degree of interest/pity towards their victims in these cases, rather than pure revulsion, though both victims certainly do represent to each of them the parts of themselves they want to shrink away from.

In line with the point being made in the OP - it's worth noting that Will fantasizes that he's killing Hannibal as he kills Randall - a murder he wants to think of being about justice, and righteousness, but that he comes to realize is as wrapped up in the pleasure and thrill that that righteous high brings him as it is in the pursuit of justice. And Hannibal steers him towards this in the previous episode, when he stops him from killing Clark Ingram in the stable because "it wouldn't be like killing me." Will, in that moment, is still rushing into the scene as a cop, albeit one who's gone a bit rogue and chucked due process out the window. In the next episode, Hannibal serves up a murder opportunity for Will that does feel like killing Hannibal, and it's through someone who's more intimately connected to both of them - someone who reflects Hannibal's design, and what Will himself could be. It's thematically significant that to attempt to take Hannibal down, Will can't hide behind the veneer of the pursuit of justice - he has to get really immersed in Hannibal's world himself in the process.

I would disagree that Red Dragon the novel is all that optimistic about the healing power of heterosexuality or the family, though. The ending implies that Will's marriage is not long for this world, and there's foreshadowing of that throughout the book - Will remembering his fear when he and Molly first got together that their relationship wouldn't last, and the cracks in his place in the family structures, like the friction between him and Molly's in-laws, being exacerbated by his involvement in the case. (And Silence of the Lambs doesn't make it sound as though he's in a happy or stable place.) I actually think there's an interesting potential reading of the novel about the illusion of stability or protection in the family structure - Will's attempt to move on with a family being punctured by the fact that their home becomes the killer's final site of invasion. On a symbolic level at least, his family makes him more of a target.

The book ends on the note that he hasn't actually been able to put everything behind him, and he's kind of irreparably a traumatized and fucked-up person. Hannibal the show picked up on this theme - that he can't stay detached by coming back for the Red Dragon case - but incorporated it in to the queer transformation analogy, and the inescapable magnetism that his bond with Hannibal holds.

Frustratingly, both the film adaptations of the book give it a happier ending, in which he happily returns to his family. It's a choice that removes a lot that's interesting and subversive about the book, imo. That's part of why I think NBC Hannibal actually features the best existing adaptation of that book.

Hannibal has a really interesting and profound thesis about self discovery if you are cool and queer enough to read into it but I genuinely think my favorite motif in Hannibal that seems to recur a few times in that vein is “killing parts of yourself do not work”.

See, Hannibal snaps Franklyn Froideveux’s neck in the same episode we get him discussing his obsession with Will with his own therapist, Bedelia. Hannibal’s disgust with Franklyn is a disgust with himself, and he kills Franklyn only to find himself more desperately fascinated by Will than ever

In contrast, Will kills Randall Tier at Hannibal’s prompting, and ostensibly he does it as part of his becoming, to maintain the “illusion” that he is going to run away with Hannibal, but this isn’t the only time Will kills a serial killer that’s more evolved in their Becoming than he is- but it is the first time he did it with his hands.

The very act of killing Tier, of trying to kill off the savage animal part of himself, brought him closer to that brink, closer to monsterhood. For what is more savage than self denial, and the killing of brethren?

I find it interesting because in the book Red Dragon, Will SUCCEEDS in killing off this part of himself. Or, Molly does. With the Red Dragon’s death, he retires to fucking Florida. Vicious repression and suburban heterosexuality wins. And in the show, killing the Dragon, a parallel to Will’s becoming, only succeeds in transforming him further under the flame

[v-e-l-v-e-t-g-o-l-d-m-i-n-e]

I always had a hard time understanding why Jack shows any measure of trust in Will after him tells to his face that he wishes he had ran away with Hannibal (twice), but I think that at, long last, during this rewatch it dawned on me the reason why.

Because you see, Jack understands the appeal of this relationship for Hannibal. I think he's very insightful when he talks with Pazzi about it, about how Will is able to understand and accept Hannibal.

But I don't think that Jack believes that Will's desire to be with Hannibal is genuine. I think he believes that this is a byproduct of Will's empathy being off the charts, and that he is confusing Hannibal's desires with his own.

He tells him as much, during Tome-Wan:

And when he's talking with Pazzi, he also tells him that he "broke" Will's imagination.

And in Dolce, when Will tells him part of him will always wants to be with Hannibal, he just tells him to cut it out.

I think this is why during the Red Dragon arc Jack still looks for Will's help. While I think by that time neither one of them is interested in their friendship anymore and their relationship is purely professional (even a hostile professional relationship at times), I think Jack still believes he can trust Will and use Will's imagination with moderation, since Hannibal is behind bars now, and because Will has a family now - therefore a more stable, grounded life.

Maybe he thinks Will finally shook off Hannibal's influence enough to move on with his life, and when Hannibal tries to have Will's family killed I think he believes he can trust that Will will finally be willing to permanently remove Hannibal from his life by killing him.

It is, of course, a very risky gamble. A gamble he loses, and one he pays for, dearly.

As a member of the audience, it may look for us like Jack is being too trusting and too naive, but I think it's fair to remember that Will has kept a LOT from him. There's so much Jack doesn't know about his relationship with Hannibal.

Jack likely doesn't know that Will willingly (even gleefully) partook in cannibalism with Randall Tier's organs in order to fool Hannibal that he had killed Freddie Lounds. He never heard Will telling Hannibal how much he enjoyed killing Hobbs and Tier, never saw their conversations by the fire. He never saw the way Will speaks with Chiyoh and what he does to her and the prisioner, and he never saw the way he threatens Bedelia.

He never saw the look on Will's face when Hannibal snapped Mason Verger's neck.

He doesn't know that Will was worried if Hannibal could ever be happy while in prison. He didn't see the torn expression in his face when Hannibal didn't give him a fully positive answer.

Most of all, he doesn't know that, after the events of Mizumono, when Will fantasizes about a better world, he thinks about a world where he had chosen Hannibal sooner and had chose to go along and murder Jack with him.

Jack's perception of Will and Hannibal's relationship is distorted by how little he knows about how things really are beetween these two.

And I think Jack doesn't want to believe in Will has such a darker side on his own, because Jack is not the kind of guy who likes to be this wrong. During Will's trial, he struggles with the idea of having been that wrong about him, that his instincts where so wrong. And since the first season Jack has a habit of choosing to believe in the version of events that will better suit him, not matter how likely or unlikely they are.

The idea that after how much he stood by him, that how much he bled and suffered by plotting with Will at the end of season two, that Will has the capacity for so much violence and darkness is something he doesn't want to accept. Easier to see Will as someone who was broken and damaged, maybe beyond repair during the epic struggles Jack has with Hannibal in the course of the seasons than to believe this.

Alana tried to warn him as early as the end of season two that he didn't know any of those men, and if he forced the issue, he was bound to lose.

I think that, during a potential season four, Jack would only realize the colossal weight of his mistake in trusting Will to handle the plan with Hannibal's "fake" escape only when they had proof that Hannibal was still alive and Will had joined then, or when Bedelia showed up sans one leg.

But still, even with the ending that we got in the third season, Jack's decision to close his eyes to Will's darkness and genuine feelings for Hannibal ends up making Jack lose very, very badly.

[craqueluring]

Hannibal was Will's Golden Ticket

Was rewatching season 2B for probably the ninth time and I have some thoughts.

GJH in Aperitif and Will in season 2B are in remarkably similar positions. 

GJH killed girls that looked like Abigail because he couldn’t bear to lose her when she eventually left home. Abigail was his golden ticket. Will, in season 2B, makes every murder he commits or tries to commit about Hannibal, reliving his revenge, his "reckoning," repeatedly. Will is projecting his feelings about Hannibal onto other men that he kills. Will almost shoots Clark Ingram because he reminds him of Hannibal. While he is killing Randall Tier, he imagines he is killing Hannibal. He fantasizes about killing Hannibal repeatedly. Hannibal is his golden ticket, like Abigail was GJH’s.

Will’s situation in Mizumono also reflects GJH’s situation in Aperitif. GJH was running out of time, and he knew that, even before Hannibal’s call–Will literally says, ”He knows he's gonna get caught. One way or the other.” In Mizumono, Will knows he is running out of time before he has to make a real decision of what he wants to do with Hannibal. He realizes this even before Mizumono–saying, ”This isn’t sustainable. We are going to get caught.” He knows he is running out of time, just like Hobbs, before he has to decide if he wants his fantasies of taking revenge against Hannibal to become reality.

In the scene with GJH and Will sniping the stag at the beginning of Mizumono, GJH asks Will, once again: “See?” I think, working in this lens of Will and GJH being in similar positions at this point, in one layer of the many that exist in this show, GJH could mean “See? I was backed into a corner, and I had to kill the object of my affection (my “golden ticket”). You are running out of time just like I was. You have to decide just like I had to.” 

Being in GJH’s mind, Will would act like GJH did: he would have to end it all. He would have to either kill Hannibal or ruin their relationship by following through with his betrayal. This could be what him almost shooting the stag symbolizes. A definitive murder of his relationship with Hannibal (through complete and utter betrayal), just like GJH murdered his relationship with Abigail by killing her mother and trying to kill her. 

But we never actually see Will shoot the stag. He focuses on it, we hear the gun go off, but the scene changes before we can see it actually get shot. At this point, we still don’t know what Will will do. 

Another parallel between Will and GJH clicks into place with Will’s call to Hannibal: “They know.” Just like Hannibal told Hobbs: “They know.” Time is up.

In a way, this phone call is Will’s attempt at preserving his relationship with Hannibal. He wants Hannibal to run, and decides against letting him be arrested. He decides to let the stag live. But Hannibal stays because Hannibal is Hannibal; he had smelled Will’s betrayal (Freddie Lounds’ shampoo), and the stag does not die in 3x02's replay of Mizumono because Will shot it, but because of Hannibal’s reaction to Will’s betrayal–lying to him for nearly the entirety of season 2B. As someone said in this post, the stag’s death was never Will’s doing; the tragedy and undoing of their relationship was the misunderstanding.

There is also a beautiful symmetry to both of these situations ending in a kitchen, of course, not to mention the fact that Abigail is a pivotal point to both of them. GJH tried to kill Abigail at the end of his life, which marked the beginning of Hannibal and Will’s. And Hannibal killed Abigail at the (metaphorical) end of his and Will’s.

Even though Will decided not to imitate GJH, whose situation was so similar to his, their stories still ended in almost the same way.

As Hannibal and Bedelia say in Dolce: "All of our endings can be found in our beginnings. History repeats itself, and there is no escape."

[tethered-heartstrings]

do you think hannibal would be a ferret

I do think Hannibal could be a ferret. Ferrets are considered invasive in some parts of the world, and while Hannibal is just one man, he does want hia ideas to be adopted by others, so in a way, his morals and opinions and thought processes are a bit invasive.

Ferrets are also carnivores. While they are true carnivores and Hannibal is omnivorous, there is an obvious emphasis on his meat eating habits. He also has sharp teeth (at least in NBC universe) and it known to bite (in many universes), which ferrets will do to consume and when threatened.

They will also do a little dance when threatened as a way to distract their predator. (They will also do this dance when excited). Hannibal does not do ballet or anything but his fighting style is very graceful and dancer-like.

There is also a rumor that ferrets "have a smell" or smell bad. Like any animal, they have unique scent glands and things, but the emphasis on their smell and with Hannibal's super smelling powers, its all very funny to me.

They also bond very closely to other ferrets and it is recommended not to have one alone. Hannibal can live alone but attaches to Will and greatly prefers his company over none. And Hannibal has "replaced" will with another person to keep from being alone

They can also team up with falcons, and falconers will use both to reach their goal. Which is interesting because falcons can hunt and kill ferrets, but now they are working together. Much like Will and Hannibal with Will fantasizing about killing Hannibal multiple times but in the end deciding to work together.

Intact female ferrets can die from not mating, because too much estrogen can cause certain blood issues. Its funny because Hannibal is constantly trying to give Will a baby but in the end, takes all of them away from him. A horny ferret that cannot make up his mind.

They were also bred in early domestication to hunt rabbits and it reminds me of that scene where he tells Jack the food is rabbit and Jack jokes that the rabbits should have hopped faster.

They are also used in research especially in the field of neuroscience, which is super interesting seeing how Will had encephalitis and Hannibal was kind of treating Will like an experiment. (I guess that makes Will the ferret but shhhh)

The name ferret also comes from a Latin term meaning "little thief" and while Hannibal did not really do petty theft, he did steal things from people (like Will's family away from him.)

A group of ferrets is called a "business" and Hannibal always means business and wears the suits to prove it.

They also love jumping and we all saw the final scene of the show :)

Also sidenote: male ferrets are called hobs (hoblet when neutered) and the connection to Hobbs is too real