#× every single cell in my body loves you. And when those cells die and new ones are born those cells love you even more ×

[mysteriouslyuniversallymiracle]

Today's the beginning of our always and forever ❤️

Today I stole his last name. 24.07.2022 Mr. & Mrs. Diggle @xknightwatchx ♾️ ❤️

[tonyspank]

PHOTOGRAPH

Summary: Natasha would do anything to take everything back, including you.

A/N: Something very old from my drafts, there will not be a part two. 🙁

Warnings: Death, angst, and tell me if there’s more!

Days passed, weeks passed, then years passed. You left Natasha. And the worst thing is, you had no say so. Or, maybe you did. But the choice was already made.

Natasha had been dreading this day. The day when she had to come and clean up your old shared apartment. Any memory of you made her break down, she never felt this way about anyone.

When the two of you met her walls had been built up towards the sky. She pushed herself away from the team, away from you. Attachment wouldn't get her anywhere in this type of career, she knew that.

So why was it so hard when you came around? You didn't plan on falling in love with Natasha or making her fall in love with you. But you couldn't lie to yourself, something about her pulled you in.

Before you knew it you were trapped. Locked inside, with only one key. And the only person who owned that key was Natasha, she owned your heart.

It was a scary feeling for Natasha, of course, she thought love was for children. A part of her felt as if she didn't deserve love, she didn't deserve you.

However, all of those worries washed away once she looked into your eyes, as cliche as it sounded. The deep connection she felt, the warm feeling, you didn't have to speak when that look said everything.

Don't worry. You'd be there if she fell.

You were.

Slowly, and surely, Natasha's walls were breaking down. She felt safe around you, safe to be herself— flaws and all. Your love was unconditional. Her guard was fully down and she was accepted by you.

You understood her, every single cell of her body, you understood it. You were inseparable, you got each other. It shocked you both, you would've never thought you'd connect in the circumstances you were in.

When you admitted your feelings for the redhead you didn't think they'd be reciprocated, but even if they weren't, you didn't care. You adored Natasha, no matter what. Nothing would ever change that, your intentions would always stay the same.

Hearing Natasha say she loved you was better than you'd dreamed. At that moment she had never felt so vulnerable, but in your mind, you knew this was the woman you'd die for. You'd love her as no one has before, she was your source of light.

"Natasha," Natasha hummed in response, not feeling like talking. She hadn't for a while, all she wanted was you. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to. No one's forcing you."

Steve said, a reassuring hand on her shoulder. The two were outside of your shared apartment, bags and boxes ready to load whatever they wanted to keep in memory of you.

Steve had always been a great friend of yours. After he had come out of the ice you showed how the internet worked and all the new stuff that confused him from this generation. "No— I want to," Natasha spoke, her voice almost in a whisper.

She wanted to do nothing more than run back to the compound and bury herself in work to distract the aching pain in her heart. With a sigh, she unlocked the front door, slowly pushing it open.

"Hey.." Steve paused briefly, he didn't know what to say to make Natasha feel better in this situation. Sometimes he wondered if Natasha even wanted anything to do with him.

"I could do the bedroom if it's too much for you."

Natasha shook her head, "No, I don't want you to." Steve nodded, clearing his throat to clear the awkward silence that filled the room. Natasha's responses had gotten blunter and blunter as time moved on. She hadn't been doing it on purpose, she was just so tired of having to hold her tongue.

After looking around the apartment, reminiscing old memories that had been made in the apartment, she made her way toward the master bedroom.

A trash bag in her hand, she grabbed random things throwing them in, she wanted to keep all of your things. She didn't care, anything you'd left behind, she wanted it. Using a bit of too much force unloading the dresser a plastic decoration fell off it, creating a loud noise.

"Nat? You okay?" Steve called out from the kitchen, worry washing over him.

"Y-Yeah... I'm fine Steve." She replied, her eyes trained on a polaroid that had fallen onto the dark wood floor beside the decorative plant.

With shaky hands she picked it up, flipping it over. It was a photo of her, you two were sitting on-top of the Avengers tower, eating a cheap New York pizza from a restaurant not to far from the tower.

The sun was setting, looking absolutely beautiful. But you believed the red-head in front of you beat the sunset by a mile, snapping a photo of her with your vintage camera.

You were always obsessed with film, and if you hadn't joined Shield you'd be a photographer. You'd always tell Natasha how she'd grow to love how you captured moments of your day on your camera.

A soft laugh left her mouth, and before she knew it, she couldn't hold her tears back anymore. She needed you more than ever, you were supposed to be with her for the entirety, at least that's what you promised.

Although here she was, crying because you had broken her promise. As petty as it sounded, she was mad, you promised. She also couldn't help but think about the last fight you shared.

Natasha stormed behind you, following you into your shared bedroom. "Y/N!" She shouted after you, but you ignored her, trying to slam the door behind you to stop her from entering.

"Leave me alone, Natasha." You sighed out, running a hand over your face. "Y/N, please." You turned around to face her, she expected you to look angry, but it hurt more seeing the disappointment in your eyes.

"I just wanna talk." She says, taking a small step forward, and placing a shaky hand on your cheek.

You couldn't help but lean into her touch. You loved her but hated how you loved her after all she's done these past few months. You just wanted to be enough for her.

"Now you wanna talk to me?" You ask, your voice shaky yet firm. You move her hand off your face, not missing the way her face flashes with hurt.

"Y/N, I'm sorry."

You let out a fake laugh, "Wow, you're sorry."

"Y/N—" You interrupt her, ripping the tie off of your dress shirt, "No, Natasha. This is the fifth time you've stood me up this week."

You didn't understand, last week you had just come back from a month-long mission. All you wanted to do was spend time with your girlfriend, but it was almost as if she didn't feel the same. You understood had busy it could be, especially being an Avenger, but earlier in your relationship, Natasha had always made time for you.

You were supposedly the love of her life, even though it didn't feel like it. You started to doubt if you were enough for her, were you boring her?

"Do you love me, do you hate me? I don't understand. What am I doing wrong?"

"Nothing, baby. It's me," You shook your head, letting her continue, but you couldn't help but feel the subtle anger grow in you. "I— I've just been so busy—"

"Stop!" You snap, you don't miss how Natasha jumps as the sudden rise in your voice, "Just stop! Enough with the excuses Nat."

You let your hand rest on your hips, your gaze falling towards the dress showing Tony letting you borrow out of his closet. A sudden lump in your throat, "Maybe,"

"Maybe we should just take a break."

"No," Natasha she breathes out, "No—" She repeats to herself, confused about why you would even suggest something like that. You could get over this, this was just a speed bump in the road. Was it not?

"I love you." You shake your head, "This," You point between the two of you, "Isn't love."

She did love you. You are the only one she'd ever love, and that was the truth. She hated herself for taking your love for granted for a split second.

But she hated you more for doing what you did.

It was the morning after you fought with Natasha, everything felt so strange. Of course, this wasn't the first time you had fought but, this time maybe you wouldn't make up.

And unfortunately for you, you had gotten called in for a mission. An enemy base had gotten ahold of  SHIELDS weapons and vehicles, you were confused about why Maria insisted on bringing Captain America and Black Widow on your mission until she confirmed she was going to take down the entire base.

The quinjet was silent, was there nothing to be said? You didn't know why you felt guilty, you weren't in the wrong. Perhaps you knew you were no good alone, and no one could ever replace Natasha.

Nevertheless, your relationship wasn't the same. You didn't feel the same euphoria that you felt when you shared your first touch.

You felt abandoned.

"Y/N, you good?" You're pulled out of your thoughts by Steve, "Hm? Yeah, I'm good."

"We're at the drop-out zone, Maria," Steve said into coms, you sat up stretching, making sure you were ready before you exited the quinjet. You felt a pair of eyes on you, already knowing who it was you didn't dare to meet their gaze.

"Alright," Steve starts as the quinjet starts to open, "Here goes nothing." The three of you line up, exiting the jet.

Your mission was supposed to be easy, you suppose. You and Natasha provide Steve backup as he runs towards the control room to activate a self-destruction protocol.

Except the three of you didn't know they had already known you were coming.

You should've noticed something was off when there was no security outside the base, and when you walked inside it was empty and silent.

"Somethings off," Steve stated, you nodded in agreement, looking around and examining your surroundings.

Natasha opened her mouth to speak but stopped once she heard Maria's voice in coms. "Cap, they know you're there. Backups on the way—"

Your heads all turn to the grenade laying between your legs, without hesitation you kick it, grabbing Natasha and pulling her towards the nearest cover.

"Steve! You okay?" You shout over the loud noise of bullets and rumble, "I'm good! I'm going to move towards the control room."

"There's no way he's gonna make it there by himself.." Natasha whispered beside you, as much as you hated to agree, she was right.

"Go," she told you, loading up her gun. "Nat—"

"Now, Y/N." This time she insisted, you didn't have a choice. You resisted the urge to tell her you love her or kiss her because you weren't sure if it'd be the last time you would be able to.

You took a deep breath before peaking your head out of the shelter for a quick second before turning your head to Natasha, she nodded, a silent way of telling you she'd provide you cover.

You swiftly stood up, running closer to Steve. "Steve! C'mon," His head turned to you, grabbing his shield and protecting himself from incoming bullets. You stood behind him, shooting anyone that got in your way.

"Maria? Maria, you there?" Cap asked in his earpiece, you sigh when there's no response.

"Cap, we have to get to the control room. I don't know how long Natasha can hold them off,"

He sends a nod your way, and you both run in the direction of the control room.

Still running, your heads turn towards a roar, not near you and thankfully not near Natasha.

"Was that Hulk?" You question. Steve sighs, "I hope not.."

A few more turns and you've made it to the control room. "Natasha, we've made it. Are you okay?" You whisper the last part, concerned.

"I'm okay," She replies, you feel yourself relax. A small smile appeared on your face as Steve activated the self-destruction protocol.

You watched as the blond-haired man point a finger to his ear, "Natasha, get out of here. We'll be right behind you."

"Okay, I'll see you guys outside."

Just as you guys were about to leave the control room you heard the same roar from earlier than a loud crash came from behind the two of you.

Cap grabs his shield, protecting his body. You both try to examine what just crashed into the control room but dust from the rubble is clouding the room. Grabbing a gun from your belt you point in front of you, "Is that—" Steve is interrupted by a huge rock being flung your way.

As quickly as you can, you dodge out of the way. It was an enormous green monster, but it wasn't Hulk. You didn't know what it was, what you knew is that it wanted you and Steve dead. 

"Steve! Get out of here!" You shout, your back against the wall. "I'm not leaving you."

"Please, Steve. Get Natasha out of here and go home." You plead, grabbing the gun from your back. "Make sure everyone's safe, and tell Natasha I love her."  

Steve knew if he stayed there to fight there was a chance both of you wouldn't make it alive and knew how stubborn you could be when you had your mind set on something.

The soldier gave you one last glance before taking off, you smiled and put all your attention on the monster.

Once Steve arrived at the entrance he noticed Natasha was gone, and all of the enemies were down. "Steve! Can you hear me?"

"Nat? Where are you?"

"I told you before, I'll meet you outside." She joked, Steve could practically hear the smirk on her face. His frown deepened, she didn't know the circumstances that you were in. How could he tell her that the love of her life was fighting in a life-or-death situation?

He ran out of the building and into the quinjet, hurrying to put the comms on the speaker of the quinjet, "Where's Y/N?"

He stayed silent, waiting to hear any sign of your voice to prove that you were still alive.

Shocking news is that you were, defeated the green monster with a very broken arm, but hey, you still survived. "Guys?" You asked into comms, unsure if it was still working or not.

You sighed when you only got static as a response, checking the ticking time clock, four minutes playing on it. "Shit," You muttered, rushing towards the nearest exit.

According to the blueprints you weren't that far away, although god had other plans for you.

You yelled out in pain feeling a hot pain in the back of your thigh, little did you know that Steve and Natasha were listening.

Natasha's heart dropped when she heard your scream, and Steve couldn't help but feel guilty. Natasha quickly stood up, ready to hop back out of the quinjet to help you but was held back by Steve.

"What are you doing?" She grits out, "There's no way you're going back in there, the bomb will explode any time soon."

"I'm afraid Captain is right, Ms. Romanoff," Jarvis added, the redhead sat back down, her mind trying to think of every possibility to save you, though nothing came to mind.

At that moment the building exploded, and Natasha couldn't accept the fact that you were gone. You weren't, there was no way.

You were going to walk out of the smoke perfectly fine, you had to. You promised you'd be there for her forever, no matter what. That's what you said.

Your funeral was even worse, there was no body to be collected. Nothing to be buried, which was one-hundred times worst in Natasha's opinion.

You didn't have any family, or that's what you told her, and everyone else. You'd always say the Avengers were your family, Natasha liked that because she felt the same way.

They all came to your funeral, even Thor who left Asgard to attend, Tony who called off meetings, and Clint who left the comfort of his home, they cared for you and they hoped you knew that.

Other than Natasha, your death affected Steve in ways he didn't know was possible. Throughout his day he'd think about how you should be here, and he should. He was Captain America yet he let you give your life for him.

They'd both do anything to get you back.

[ssinboo]

down bad.

summary: You and your long time bestfriend smoke together

or

in reply to this lovely ask!

pairing: DJ!Bad boy!Vernon x Fem!Reader

word count: 1.6k (8~ minute read)

warnings: drinking, partying, weed, very explicit making out, extremely inaccurate drug use (I have asthma, i have never come even close to a single weed)

a/n: Sooo incredibly thankful for the unending love on my previous fics! The past two months have been so hectic and all your comments gave me so much joy!! I apologise for being M.I.A, but I am working on the second part of As it was! as well as some very abandoned wips!

With a hypnotising smile, Vernon Chwe waltzed into your life like he belonged. A part-time DJ at the place you waited tables during your first semester, he was a womanising, chain smoking, asshole.

He was also your best – read: only, – friend.

You just got each other. his awkward, out of this world kind of humour was just up your alley. It wasn’t uncommon for you to burst out laughing at a stupid meme sent in your chat.

Tonight, he was DJing at a new club, a high-stakes sort of place downtown that had lines that wrapped around the block every Friday night.

This could very well be the moment he will make it to stardom.

Heading straight for the venue after your shift, you make quick work of wading through the crowd to find your bestie. And he’s talking to a guy, looking all important.

You blow him a kiss, which he makes a show out of catching and placing his palm over his lips.

The stubborn butterflies that find your stomach don’t go unnoticed.

You did have a teeny, tiny, itsy, bitsy, little crush on your best friend. Maybe it wasn’t so little, after all. Not when he plagued your mind 24/7 with flirty smirks and caring gestures.

Vernon was a touchy guy by nature, his hands always finding their way to your body; Which wasn’t an issue at first but quickly developed into a problem as you found yourself falling for him.

“Hey, handsome,” You greet him, immediately getting pulled into his arms.

“There’s my girl,” Not a cell in your body can resist his warm words, you were his girl and would always be. Vernon wraps his arm around your neck, kissing your cheek.

You’d picked out his fit for tonight, an all-black ensemble with a knitted black top and cross jewellery, your favourite. But it still messes with your heart to see the chain draped over his collarbones.

“Thought you weren’t comin’.”

“Oh, please, I couldn’t miss your biggest gig yet.”

He smiles, nuzzling against your temple.

“Didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” The guy he was previously talking to finally makes his presence known.

“Nah…” Vernon laughs, “Man, you know I don’t do relationships– This is my homegirl, my best friend. She’s my ride or die.”

There’s only so many times you can hear those words and still have a reaction.

You force a smile, telling the stranger your name.

He’s a little shorter than Vernon with a slender figure and a defined chest that is visible even through his shirt. Bleached blond hair that falls over his forehead flawlessly and bedroom eyes. God, hot people only hung out with hotter people.

“I’m Chan, nice to meet ya.”

“Chan’s a dancer, you have to see him, man. He’s fucking amazin’” Despite his arm not leaving your shoulders, Vernon emphasises his words with large gestures, sending your head crashing against his chest more than once.

You slap at his arm, smoothing down your hair before turning to acknowledge Chan.

“Well, I’ll keep my eye out for you.”

Chan smiles.

You hear Vernon’s name being called out.

“That’s my cue,” He kisses your hair, and reaches out his hand to fist bump Chan.

“Give em’ hell, pretty boy,” You cheer, watching him walk away.

Before you can even dread the awkwardness of losing your common friend, Chan is easing you into conversation.

“Come on, let me get you a drink? I’ll show you the best spot on the floor.”

He takes you to a corner close enough to the stage where you can see Vernon but not insanely close to the booming speakers. You’re more than happy to have room to breathe in the packed club.

Chan returns with your drinks; he brings you a fruity cocktail with pretty colours and an undertaste you can’t be bothered to figure out.

Vernon is a master at reading a crowd.

He can and will pick out the exact song to fit the mood, he knows by heart every timing to drop the beat and get the best reaction. You always find your body moving against your will when you watch him.

“Do you dance?” Chan leans over, having to scream in your ears over the music.

You shake your head vigorously, denying this mischievous look he bears.

“Come on?” He reaches for your hand and since your drinks have long been discarded, you don’t have an excuse.

Chan escorts you to the floor, where it is a lot more packed than your excluded corner. The blinking LEDs are almost blinding, especially when they follow the beat.

Once you stop caring about your own inability to dance, you realise how right Vernon was: Chan is a fucking dancing machine.

His body is moving in ways you could never imagine someone could, every turn of his hips dripping in precision. Now, with the alcohol simmering in your bloodstream and Chan’s contagious moves, you can’t help but find yourself swaying along with the pounding bass.

Two hours.

That’s how long you’re having fun on the dance floor with Chan to the sound of Vernon’s carefully curated playlist.

You were so enraptured by the ambience, you happened to miss the way Vernon’s eyes did not leave your figures once.

And you think you might have gotten yourself a new friend. The night was so much fun in his presence and as Vernon is walking toward you both, it can only get more fun, right?

You smile, jumping in your place with open arms to congratulate him.

“You killed it!” You exclaim, clinging to his arm.

Vernon is burying himself in your arms, nuzzling at your neck.

“Dude, you are the best DJ they’ve ever had,” Chan taps at his shoulder, joining in on your praise.

“Oh, I’m sure of that!”

“Seriously?” Vernon questions, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. He can smell the lingering fruity scent of your drinks.

“Of course!” Chan agrees.

You nod.

“I’ll trust your judgement, then,” He chuckles. “Wanna get outta here?” Vernon turns to you before looking at Chan.

Shrugging, you both look at Chan – Who has the slyest smile ever.

“Oh, hell yeah, I got something for you.”

You weren’t a big smoker. Sure you ‘dabbled’ every now and then, mostly whenever Vernon had some and you were in the mood to relax. OKay, maybe every now and then means twice and the last time, you thought you were going to die because you stood up too fast and got dizzy.

But Vernon and Chan are so into it right now.

Vernon is splayed out on his beaten up couch, laying against you with his legs over the second-hand coffee table you had to gorilla glue back together after it broke during moving.

And Chan is spread over the armchair, blunt between his pointer and thumb as he talks about the artful choreography of Michael Jackson’s thriller – Though, you zoned out minutes ago.

It’s only when Vernon is nudging at your side, offering you the blunt when you wake up.

“I’m not sure…” You whisper quietly, “You remember last time, it was too much.”

Vernon licks at his chapped lips, leaning back straight. He glances at Chan for a second before he stares back at you. “ We can try something else, might be better than pullin’ straight from it.”

You have no idea what he means by that, but you trust him.

So when against your better judgement, Vernon brings the burning bud to his lips, chest rising as he pulls, you’re surprised. But he doesn’t inhale or exhale, no.

He reaches for your cheeks, pulling your lips toward his. So close, untouching yet you can feel him so clearly.

The smoke tickles at your lips, stinging at your eyes until you say fuck it and inhale. You feel its warmth at first, following its path through your system, lazily pooling into your lungs with its languid daze.

And you think it’s all he will do, just so you will smoke and that was the plan. But when Vernon watched your eyelids droop above your adoring gaze, he couldn’t hold it anymore.

So he crashes his tongue into your parted mouth, devouring your taste with an unfound hunger; Specially when you’re humming so sweetly into his lips. It’s nothing near a chaste peck. Saliva drips from your connected lips, his grip on your neck tightens, bringing you further into him so he can ravish every bit of your eager tongue.

There’s a heat that burns in your chest, hotter than the blunt he holds between his pointer and thumb. And you melt into the shape of his body, dripping, seeping into every crevice, fingers reaching for his chest, curious touch mapping out every inch of his skin you can grasp.

You’re moaning against his lips, brain hazy under the intoxicating drug that he exudes. You wrap your arms around his neck, closing yourself off to the world and diving deeply into the perfect bubble he has created for you two and leans into you, chest rising and falling into yours.

And when the kiss ends, you’re panting, lips covered in a mixture of your saliva and his, reddened and swollen with his attention. Vernon smiles, running his tongue along your lips.

“Do you feel it?” He whispers, pressing kisses along your jaw.

“Huh?”

Oh, you feel nothing but the bubbling desire that pools along your stomach, burning through your veins with its lingering longing. By kissing you, Vernon has given you a taste of heaven, so how must you go on, knowing what his lips feel like?

You’re so busy with your thoughts of his kisses, you don’t notice the show Vernon makes of running his lips along your neck or the wink he sends Chan.

Vernon liked to say he wasn’t a possessive person, especially when it came to material assets, he wasn’t attached to his laptop or phone, and would happily lend his clothes to friends.

But when it came to you, there weren’t limits to his possessiveness, you were his from the moment you first smiled at him.

“…Fuck,” Chan grunts, looking down at his very obvious hard-on.

[pineapplerightsideupcake]

From your debate with transmascpetewentz, you said that you experience dysphoria and alleviated it by not engaging with your physical body and approaching it from a detached, impersonal perspective. Do you think that this is because you find that current transition treatments won't get your body to become what you truly want it to be? Do you find it normal and expected that you do not feel comfortable in your body and that your body is something you must dissociate and detach yourself from?

Hi! This is completely incorrect! My body is not something I have to detach from. My body is my home. I don’t shower in the dark anymore. I can look at me in the mirror. I wear short shorts on really hot days and don’t worry obsessively about the male gaze or a stray body hair. I stopped shaving my arms, armpits, and bush. I mostly stopped shaving my legs. I don’t tweeze my eyebrows or slather on makeup!

Body neutrality is not dissociating, it’s the reframing of a sexualized and/criticized body as neutral.

Some of the exercises I did with my therapist went like this:

Therapist: okay name a part of your body you hate

Me: my legs. I hate them they’re fat and have cellulite and are too hairy for a woman

Therapist: okay but legs don’t exist to look good. What are some things your legs do for you?

Me: well I love going for walks/hikes

Therapist: great, so whenever you think about how much you hate your legs, remember what they do for you. Thank them and be kind to them

This is of course a VERY condensed version of things but we basically went over my body piece by piece and sort of anthropomorphized them. This worked because I am good at being kind to others but not myself and I didn’t want to be ‘mean’ to my legs

And then when I got used to all that, we put me back together. My legs only function because I have blood and skin and bones. I have the energy to move them because I have a digestive system. I have the balance to move because I have an inner ear. I know where to go because I have eyes. Etc.

And then when I got used to THAT, she hit me with- that’s you. It’s not a body you pilot. You are your body. Just like your legs and eyes are all part of a whole, you are not a consciousness apart.

Again I’m condensing years of therapy. Whole periods of time where we just talked about my trauma related to those issues. But it worked.

I don’t say I’m cured of dysphoria for the same reason I don’t say I’m cured of anxiety or depression- mental health is reffered to as “controlled or in remission”.

What radical feminism gave me is equally important. It gave me my anger back. It gave me my trust in my own perception back. It gave me pride in womanhood and a community of like minded women.

And I know this is already an essay but I want to speak to the idea that my main issue with transition is it wouldn’t make me enough of a man.

Every TRA needs to hear just how far into sci-fi territory their ideas are. Right now the best I could hope for is painful scar tissue around my repositioned breasts and a pit dug into my leg or arm to harvest flesh for a micro dick that doesn’t get hard without help.

That’s the BEST CASE. The worst case is I get so many painful and humiliating complications I DIE. One of the blogs I follow on here had exactly this happen to her friend. She got bottom surgery and it killed her.

Let’s say we get to the level of science that’s at least perfected the cosmetic aspects. I’d still have a dick and balls that would never produce sperm. My body would still have ovaries and a uterus to remove. My endocrine system would still be female. My skeletal structure would still be female. My lungs and heart and muscles and blood and hair would all still be female.

Your sex is decided at conception. You are built from a single cell around the absence or presence of an active SRY gene.

Imagine you built me a dresser and I came in and said “actually can you make me a wardrobe instead?” And demanded you only use the same materials you already had. What could you possibly make me when the wood is already cut to size and shaped?

[skybristle]

19 + 23

since u didn't specify i'll do whoever first comes to mind with the question

19 - Does your iterator know who Sliver of Straw is? If so, what do they think of her?

sparks: i think it's interesting because she's basically the only iterator in bh who's still really commited to the great problem after mass ascension [starlight and ash were pretty diligent too but broke off after the ancients left].

it's mainly out of *needing* something to do to distract herself from the pain and the itchiness in her expanded structure. and she's always been a Very innovative and unique thinker, she is genuinely somehwat famous for pioneering a lot of methods and etc that iterators use while iterating. always coming up with new things, always thinking. and i think thats kind of a manifestation of how desprate she is to be free of her pain and escape. she needs out of this can she needs out of this body and it all hurts and she needs *out*, she needs ascension, she needs to leave all this pain behind. if only there was a perfect string of code to execute to do so. and that's exactly what sliver found.

sparks probably WAS one of the people combing through her remains, desprately, desprately trying to find something. as cycles passed and nobody found anything conclusive and that flare of hope began to die.

i honestly think that hopelessness and that denial of an escape and sparks beginning to realize oh god this might all be for nothing and i might never find a way out is what slowly begins her spiral into wrath and eventual violence in an attempt to make it stop hurting.

oops i just talked about sparks. i love you sliver of straw go make my girl worse

23 - When using overseers, what is your iterator's favorite thing to watch/look at?

chimes: there's a slugcat colony near his can he fucking LOVES watching. just. watching them do their thing. the colony trusts him and doesnt' mind him around so his overseers are even allowed to see The Tiniest Babies and yes chimes exlodes into tears every time. theyre so little. So microscopic and weenie. Single celled ass organisms like those really fucked up baby kittens. he just really appreciates their way of life and in a way his relationship with them reminds him of that with his citizens who he misses dearly and used to spend much of his time observing and helping. his overseers also probably act similar to the tutorial one in that it tries to help slugcats find food, warn them of danger or approaching rain, etc etc. he archives and catalougues a lot of the slugcats and their victories and liniages, just as he once would for the citizens of chorus. the local colony is actually quite developed since they refuse to 'leave chimes behind' [as they believe his immobility is something like a disability]

he also does like scavs though they just don't enter his can so he hasn't gotten as close to them. finds their soceities interesting to observe though....

[chrliebot]

does anybody else knooooooooow. about how ferns are the window to god? how he lives in every single fern which is connected by invisible strings to every other fern who are in turn connected to every atom of every fern on earth? and when they wither and die god connects himself to the dirt it lays in the men that tread on it and the bugs that ingest it the birds that ingest those the mammalia that ingest those and subsequently every living and nonliving thing on earth? how every cell within your body is connected to every cell within her body, his body, the concrete and loving iron bars of every rotted structure within every asphalt jungle? and every line of connection means you feel every breath of mine, while i feel every breath the soil breathes, in a patch a few miles from my house? do you know that when you die you will be reborn without memory as another person who has lived on this earth- and when you die again you will be reborn again- and again- until billions of years of human lifetimes have passed and you have lived out every human life imaginable, each endlessly meaningful, been the guard and the prisoner, the lover and her lover, your mother and your father and their son, the stillborn infant and the hundred and four grandmother, the child that fell through the ice and the woman who died saving him, and with that knowledge of humanity you finally become a fern and grow, grow, beautiful fronds that cover the expanse of the earth at every point in time where ferns exist? do you know? how much you matter because of who you are? how much you matter because you are the lives of everyone and everything around you, you always will be, and you will always be special because every single atom within this web of connection is worth pondering for eternity. I reminisce on a hike with my family, being left behind as I stared at a brook bubbling over a small lip underwater, unconscious and conscious of the time passing. if you were in that scene, you too could stand there for hours on end watching the water pour over. if the world froze and you with it, you would be able to search the still frame in front of you for centuries and never tire of it. and you will, and you have, because I have and we have the experience within us, of staring at the water and being the water of being the eroding rock and of the flecks shaving off of it of the beetle unaware a mile away and every chip of bark between my body and my next. we will never reach full clarity until you are between lives, sitting in the cosmos with a pulsating god of light and pure energy, remembering every infinitesimal moment of every life you have lived. know that I love you and I love myself so you do too, even if you don't know it yet. even if you don't know how loved you are by the universe, the connection a deeper form of love, you will.

[theflybitteneye]

Fun fact about Furby, but because I adopt seniors with disabilities only I usually feel too bad to change their name.

The shelter I got both my boys from does already as a little extra just distance from their old lives. (My other rescue Duckie was dropped off at a vet to be euthanized. He was severely neglected. Close to death from untreated diabetes and his old owners not giving a single shit about him his whole life. There's even some question as to exactly how old he is because his teeth are so bad the vet deduced he was either much older than they said or he had profoundly poor nutrition for a long time. Left to suffer. They didn't want to pay to have him recover. Vets will sometimes get owners like them to sign papers relinquishing ownership, promise to put the pet down, then call around to see if any shelters have the room to get an animal like him into recovery. Whoever used to have him, as far as they know, he's been dead for years. Changing his name gives the vet a bit of cover in the event his old owners see a picture of him on social media and recognize him. Like, Duckie has some pretty distinct markings on his face, but like, as far as they'd know it's just as likely a eerily similar cat to the one they abandoned. What they did is totally legal, but, for some reason people get weirdly pissed to find out the animal they left to die alone is doing well and has a better life.) But by the time I get them, they've usually been in the shelter for a while. Special needs senior animals are hard to adopt out, obviously. It usually feels a bit mean, you know? Third name change after all that.

However, I made an exeption for Furby. Unfortunately since the shelter gets so many cats and they all have to be named different shit, some of them end up with real bad ones. Furby's shelter name was apparently a model of German car, hard to pronounce, and un-fucking-spellable for my dyslexic ass. I literally don't even remember what it was, and can't spell it accurately enough for Google to guess. Because of that he had a million nicknames and basically responded to anything anyway.

When I saw Furby, I fucking fell in love instantly. He doesn't seem to be all Persian, but he's clearly at least a good chunk Persian. I love Persians. I've loved them every since my little 12 year old Warrior Cat kid ass was instantly taken by best girl hag queen Yellowfang. This is no judgement to people who get pets from breeders, but, personally, I'm uncomfortable with supporting the pet breeding industry even as it pertains to "ethical" breeds, let alone unethical ones. And for those of you unaware, as gorgeous little gremlins as Persians are . . . At best, they're on par with pugs. It depends on what kind and how severe their face squish. And even before all that, just personally, in today's current pet trade market it's shelter or bust (in terms of cats and dogs, not other kinds. But even for rabbits and stuff I feel it's good practice to always check shelters first.) Persians are expensive, fancy cats, unlikely to end up in a shelter at all, and if they do, they'll be adopted out in a blink of an eye. Which is good, don't get me wrong, but, I try to always go for the ones who nobody but me would want. That's why Furby just seemed fated to be mine. Old? Needs special medical care? Tragic backstory? Completely unwanted and stuck in foster care for ages? That's MY KIND OF PET, BOyo. That he has this stupid short muzzle that makes him look like he's sucking on a lemon perpetually since he has no teeth and this big fat forehead that makes him look like a toddler about to fly into a temper tantrim was a special treat. He sits on the back of the couch with his front paws crossed and looks like the snobbiest little shiteating twink and I fucking love him with every cell in my body.

He looks exactly like the 1998 Furby I had as a kid. The white one with black spots. I collect furby stuff, as I am a toy collector and modder obviously, so the name seemed absolutely perfect. . . Too perfect. Profoundly far too perfect. In what I can only describe as a cosmic troll-job, he happens to also have something else very much in common with the 1998 Furby I had as a kid.

He. Never. Fucking. Shuts. Up.

In his distinct high pitched wail (if you've heard a Persian meow before, you'll know what I mean) he cries incessantly. Dare I not pay attention to him when he demands it, nothing but screaming. Unfortunately like an idiot, I've reinforced the behavior by accident. The more annoying he is the faster I'll drop everything to get him to stop with food or pets, so now he just goes full Final Girl to get what he wants as fast as possible. The only way he isn't like his name sake is that he has no batteries to remove in a desperate bid for peace. Like all cats, he's an agent of chaos unrivaled by any other animal on the planet. The degrees him and his brother can cause mischief in my daily life is unparalleled.

That sounds all extremely negative, but like, believe it or not this is exactly what I love about cats. I went through a very long battle with what felt like and endless cascade of health problems I'm only now starting to actually recover from over the past three years, and I don't think I would have survived it without my boys. No matter how sick or depressed or lost in a endless mental fog I got, these little pissbabies managed to get me to interact with them or there would be hell to pay. They managed to be as charming as ever charm me even while they caused all the fucking mayham they could.

Even when I felt like staying in bed until I rotted and died, Furby screamed until I got up. Duckie sent stuff crashing to the ground until I snapped out of my haze.

Non-cat people think cat lovers are insane, but like, it's never a fucking dull moment with them around. The will of cats is infamous, and in a lot of ways I think the real reason I managed to survive all I did was because it was inconvenient for my two little goblin kids to have to find another forever home if I kicked it, so they made sure that didn't happen.

[notyourtypicalahmad]

Hi Tumblr.

It's been...what? 10 years? The last time I was here, I was broken. I was a lost, scared, and shattered soul waiting to be saved from reality. I was a child. I needed love. I needed to not be afraid for my life all the time. I needed to be stressed over school, but instead, I was stressed over things much bigger than me. I drowned.

I drowned in darkness so much bigger than what I could take, like I had mistakenly stepped into sand dunes, with nothing to hold on to and no one to reach out to.

It's amazing how God works things out. The reality I thought was my hell has become my heaven. I cried to Him every night to take it away. To make it all go away. I pretended that nothing was wrong and that I had it like everyone else when I didn't, but when there were days I couldn't hide it and people showed genuine concern mixed with confusion, I had nothing to say to them. I came up with shallow reasons because they were always easier than what I had going on.

This place witnessed a very dark side of me. Although I'm writing about my past, pain, and personal suffering, I am now a different man.

I am extremely strong. Unbreakable, even. I'm not proud of everything I've gone through on my journey. I've made countless fuckups. I've lost and gained myself a hundred times. I've learned in the hardest way possible. I've grown out of so many things. It almost feels like reincarnation. As if I've lived multiple lives, all of which I feel like I've experienced through the eyes of the different people I embodied.

I am a walking spirit. Constantly shifting. I'm growing old—so old I feel a thousand years, yet so young because I know that's just the beginning. I have many more skins to shed and lifetimes to die and be reborn into. Much like the Buddhists believe, we reincarnate into every single lifeform each time we die, and we keep on dying and dying until we reach the last state of being: God.

With every loss I grieve and every dying cell of my past self, I celebrate this life I now have. I now know that life is simple. All we need is to be simple beings. Work, but not too much that you go into overdrive. Love hard, but don't forget to love yourself just as hard. Speak up, but only say what needs to be said. Practice the mindfulness of existing, lose yourself in your writings, listen to every layer of a song, to the breaths the artists take between each and every note, smell that flower and feel its texture, listen to what your body and soul say to you. Lose access to whatever hurts you and strip the privilege of your presence from those who abuse it.

Speak up.

Speak up.

Speak up.

Use your voice. Speak your mind. Demand shit. People will never offer you things that aren't of benefit to them. They are scared of you, as you are of them. Never forget that. You have so much more control than you think you do.

-Ahmad Helmy

[hopeformankind]

@104thsquadfam continued from here.

--

The only thing standing in his way was himself? No...that didn't seem right what was the blond even saying ? Did he not realize that he was doing this for Paradis? For their people, the one's they loved and cared for? Or perhaps Eren was just that deluded with his twisted ideals.....

"....." Eren stared at the Commander in silence for a few seconds, he wasn't a kid anymore yet he was lecturing him like he still was....he may be his subordinate but that wasn't going to stop him from achieving his goals just as Erwin would not stop at nothing to achieve his own....were they really so different? Why was he acting so high and mighty now when he's let so many of his own die for his own dreams? " I'm doing this for the people of Paradis....I'm not a child anymore Commander and I don't need your lectures." he stated plainly standing behind his cell bars simply staring at the larger man " Do you really intend to keep me locked up forever? You do realize I could leave this cell anytime I want, these bars won't hold me." was that a threat? Maybe. " You said I was the best hope for humanity.....having regrets now?"

" No. I'm not. If I regret my choices, I'll falter and have others making choices for me. "

The gaze Eren had was met with a much more similar one-- icy eyes that stared him down as the bars of Eren's cell separated them. Two sides of the same coin, some would say-- two people that would do anything for their dreams, two people that knew how much needed to be sacrificed, but there was a difference in this scenario. Despite Eren's own ideals, he still looked at everything as if looking through a tunnel-- while Erwin himself had matured over his years in the Survey Corps to see the bigger picture.

" You could leave this cell. You could transform, you could tap into the minds of Eldians or even my own-- you could kill me in seconds, Eren. Those bars can't hold you, not even for a second. "

" You could kill me in so many different ways that'd leave even the Royal Government from before Historia's rule blushing and taking notes. You could destroy this dungeon and escape. But why haven't you? Is some part of you still curious about what I'm telling you? Is it 'out of the kindness of your heart' as you play God, or is it fear? "

The way Erwin looked at him from the side was the same way he'd looked at Reiner those years back-- challenging him. Testing him. Even with one arm, Erwin would fight to the death and go down fighting if he had to. He stared at Eren, watching him and his movements. Testing him. Mapping out all sorts of plans in his head for every single outcome... he looked at Eren like he was the enemy, and in a true way, he really was. Erwin's eye bore into him, staring at Eren then.

" So I'm going to use what time I have to tell you this. And I expect you listen well-- because this could truly define the outcome for Paradis as a whole. "

" You were the hope for Humanity... until you allowed yourself to kill mindlessly. Despite you being older now, your plans are still horribly flawed-- you look through everything from a tunnel. If you let those Walls crumble, they will kill many people on Paradis due to how the Walls are structured, meaning the only people truly safe are those within Wall Sina. And even then, there would be casualties. "

" You hope to demonize yourself, but you don't realize that in this moment, you are demonizing the whole island-- you represent everyone in the eyes of Marley. You ARE Paradis and its leading figure, and thus... they believe themselves fully justified in why everyone should band together to wipe us out. In your crude view, you only see things in black and white while not realizing that you yourself became the Titans you hated so much back then. You may be an adult in body, but you still have the mind of a child. "

Erwin wasn't pulling any punches here-- he stared deep into Eren's emerald eyes, his hand lifting to grasp at one of the bars... and he leaned in, with his gaze forever staring into him, his very soul.

" You're repeating history, and in your false grandeur you think you'll somehow be hailed a hero when you killed millions, perhaps billions for the sake of 'freedom'. Perhaps you'll tell me then, I've done the same with the Survey Corps. But this is where we're different. "

" I will not deny how many people I've had killed under my leadership, how many suffered and died, torn apart at the hands of Titans, how much I've led to their deaths to be ripped to shreds by flying rock-shrapnel all from a mix of my own dream and what I'd led myself to believe. I'm no hero... in fact, the people from the Walls were completely justified in calling me a devil... but you must understand who will die in this war if you make your choice, Eren. So many innocents are dying-- people with families. Children. Mothers. People that will lose their mothers just as you had. People that will lose their fathers in the onslaught and be left alone. Children that will be crushed, grandparents left as mere stains on the roads while soldiers believe themselves completely justified in the thought that all Eldians are devils like you and I. "

Erwin's head was pressed against the bars then, as if he were the one that could've slid right through, broken through, and strangled Eren with one hand alone, as if he were the Founder. It was in that moment, perhaps, it might've become clear-- The bars weren't to protect Erwin from Eren. They were to protect Eren from Erwin.

" You are no hero. You are no God... you yourself are a Devil such as I. But what separates us here is our understanding of war and its outcome. " It was then when Erwin's teeth began to slowly clench, lip curling upward and brows furrowing further and further into a look of rage that truly could only be described as a devil's anger, looking like as if in this moment, he could rip through those bars like they were mere putty and reach out to Eren then. Despite this, Erwin himself... wasn't actually as mad as he made himself look. No. This was calculated. All of it.

" Is this what you're ready for, Eren Jaeger? For the world to look at you like I am, right now? For your efforts to be in vain despite how much you'd 'struggled' to reach this point? Your efforts to have Paradis be hailed as heroes to instead be looked over as simple devils not wanting to wipe themselves out? Devils that'd allow this Rumbling to go on for so long and advocate for it until someone stepped in? Are you prepared for all of Humanity-- not just those within the Walls-- to look at Paradis and justify themselves that whom they are killing are indeed killers? Are you truly prepared for such a burden? Because I will tell you this. Maybe you understand you won't be seen as a hero... but you don't understand just how many friends you'd kill. "

" Assuming that your friends would live after the Walls collapse... Armin would be executed like I was supposed to be, alongside Captain Levi, and deemed an enemy to Humanity for associating with you and thus, war criminals. Mikasa would be tortured due to her strength as an Ackermann and be left dead in a ditch. I could go on about the rest of the 104th. Jean would be left the same as Marco Bodt, left in half, alone and cold and left to die because no one could reach him. Connie would be shot like a dog just like Braus was. Or... perhaps, something worse. They'd become Titans. Like Pyxis, and our comrades. And you yourself would have to slaughter them all as they're stuck in an eternal nightmare filled with unending suffering, becoming the very things you all fought against. "

" Are you really ready for that? To have your friends, your loved ones, all be demonized alongside you?... when all you, Armin, and Mikasa had wanted... was to see the sea for the first time? "

[mysteriouslyuniversallymiracle]

@xknightwatchx schon als ich dich zum ersten Mal gesehen habe, wusste ich, dass das Abenteuer meines Lebens beginnen wird - dass du das Abenteuer meines Lebens bist ❤️

[annihilate-this-week]

Frequently Called Numbers

I have 380 contacts in my phone. Due to the eternal nature of my SIM card, some small portion of them dates all the way back to my first brick-phone in 2006, the one I demanded no one text me on because I only got 200 free texts a month (I went over it as many months as not). There are people on my phone contacts list that I honestly can't identify. There are girls I went on one date with; dudes whose band I practiced with three times; past roommates who don't even live in the same country as I do anymore. There are even people who don't know I'm a girl; a few years ago, someone texted me randomly that I hadn't heard from in most of a decade to invite me to go to a show. As a married lady, I generally don't get involved in things I can't bring my wife to, so I was in the process of declining even as this person was in the process of revealing that their memory of me was so outdated they still thought of me as a terminally-single guy. I still had that person's number in my phone, though. I almost wish I hadn't.

I know there are at least a couple of people in my phone who are dead. I never would have believed it had you told me when I was 25 that I would live to see the day that some of my good friends were 15 years dead, and yet that I was still walking around with their numbers saved in my phone. I never thought I would live to get that old. I thought I'd die. For years, I had plans on exactly how I would do so; wander into that patch of woods at the back of my neighborhood, intentionally overdose on over-the-counter sleeping pills, leave my cell phone on so the GPS signal could help someone find my body in an isolated spot where no one would have to worry about cleanup.

Instead, somehow, I survived. Friends harangued me into getting therapy. I cried during my intake interview, admitted that I had detailed plans for the way I'd kill myself, that I thought about suicide multiple times a day. I started seeing a kind older woman who talked me through six years of emotional struggles until I was eventually healthy enough to admit I was a woman, and needed to start living like I was. She was never as able to help me after that, though she did admit to me at one point, "I was really skeptical when you first told me you wanted to transition but it's really obvious that it was the right thing for you." We amicably ended therapy a few years later, but I'm not entirely OK these days. I thought recently about getting back into it with someone experienced at treating trans people, and thought of what I'd say during my intake interview today -- "I have found myself subconsciously unable to trust those closest to me, even if on a conscious level I'd trust them with my life. Also, I tend to think every expression of distress by my partner and other loved ones is my fault and their unhappiness is my responsibility to fix" -- and compared it in my mind to that first intake interview over a decade ago. I'm not perfect, but I'm way better than I was. I guess I can take comfort in that.

The therapist I had back then is still saved in my phone, alongside punks who died of heroin overdoses in the mid-00s and women whose first names are followed by an abbreviation indicating the dating site I initially contacted them through. And all of these people are arranged neatly in alphabetical order alongside the few numbers I actually still call or text regularly. My wife. My friend whose local music website I write for. My other friend who lives in Philadelphia and still thinks of me and texts me on a random Tuesday night. These are the people whose numbers I can't lose. The rest could all disappear and I might not even notice. But going through and manually deleting all of them is way too heartbreaking to contemplate. So I guess I'll keep carrying all of them around in my pocket for the rest of my life. Which will hopefully end peacefully and in the company of those I love, a long time from now.

[shadoobee]

Okay so I saw the Stones in Paris too ! BIGGEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE. I'll never forget it. It's the second time I see them and I still cannot put into words the extreme joy I felt. No, I still feel it but it was like. The hysterical kind of joy. I was only one step away from the 60s groupies I swear

SO my favourite moments (well not exactly because the concert WAS my favourite moment but yk what I mean) of the Paris show, not in order, not exhaustively (?), and it's gonna be long because I still haven't figured how to cut a long post :

They've been my reason to live for 8 years (no I just realized I'm 16 and not 13 wtf I spent half of my life thinking about them and I'm still going. I love that thought tho.) and I admire them with every single cell of my body. I think I already said this last time but yk :)

GIMME SHELTER GIMME SHELTER GIMME SHELTER oh fuck Sasha was GREAT

Out of Time was amazinggggg

Everything ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING

The setlist <3 thank you my ears are now blessed

"Do you know how I got here ? I biked here with Anne Hidalgo !" (She's the mayor of Paris. Not a great lady but funny story Mick)

Keith Keith Keith Keith he's a clumsy teddy bear I love him

I love how they all move on stage oh god

I gotta start searching the reason of the Performance verses in Midnight Rambler. Am I dreaming this? I'll start my little investigation once I get home (I'm at the airport rn)

MICK BONKED DARRYL AGAIN HE DID IT i screamed (again)

Ayron Jones and his bandmates were just. fire. And the bassist (I think his name is Bob Lovelace but please correct me if I'm wrong). Dude he was so. *screamsm*

When Mick was dedicating the show to Charlie he looked in my direction and stopped for a minute when I lifted my banner. Maybe he saw it? I'd simply die if he saw it. (Everyone has the right to dream.......)

HE DID NOT PUT HIS SHIRT OVER HIS HEAD DURING GHOST TOWN HE HAS A HOODED SHIRT HOW DID I NOT SEE IT IN LYON A HOODED SHIRT

Darryl's solo <3<3<333<3<3<3

Chuck's solo <3<3<3<3<3<3<22<<3<<33

Mick telling us how he lost 1000 bucks on the wrong horse one time at the Hippodrome and how some other time he had to run away because of a fucking storm and therefore he's going to introduce the band bc who knows what's gonna happen this time :)

And Mick absolutely forgot Chuck. I was like "WAIT NO YOU MISSED HIM STOP NO" and he only realised later. like. Mick. Mick. Mick

"Mon Keith absolu !" I love them I love them I love them I love them

I have no idea how many times I cried that night but it was a lot

Bernard's hair

Sasha's dress

Actually they were all dressed so good

When someone threw their sign at Ronnie and he took it!!! (I had planned to do the same but unfortunately I wasn't close enough. I couldn't afford pit tickets this time either)

Anyways I spent the night jumping (really. I jumped a lot. I felt like I was an hyperactive flea on crack) and waving my Charlie's bird banner, I shouted everything I could shout, I had a terrific time. The people in Paris were a lot nicer than those in Lyon tho. Some dude behind me asked to see my sign and told me he had bought Charlie's album a few decades back and he loved it. I was so happy. Apparently they also filmed my banner during Like a Rolling Stone but I didn't notice it (maybe because I was too busy jumping and yelling. Couldn't get my eyes off my absolute idols sorry). Well I kinda hope they didn't. I'm very shy. But also it's kinda important to me because I spent hours making it and during those hours I think I finally realised Charlie's death. Idk, it's like my brain isn't programmed to proceed this. He's immortal I believe. He did such great things. Anyways, I hope it made someone smile :)

Thank you for reading ! And also sorry for the inconvenience I'm not very good at computering

[malicemuffin]

I wanted to write a post to get my thoughts out on the celestial civil war but to do that I need to talk about the Planets/Divines but to do that I need to talk about how humanity was created in this universe and that means talking about the three gods, SO:

(christ this is so embarrassing to lay out like this)

Basically the first god to awaken is Rhet (Earth), shortly after Theia crashed into Gaia. Their special power is to infuse things with life, and they did this for the Sun and Moon, creating Sol and Sin-Nul respectively (Sol and Sin-Nul below) (I don't have any artwork of Rhet)

It was just those three for a time-- it was boring and long periods would stretch. Then Rhet started to experiment. They made cells, plants, animals and all sorts of neat stuff. And it was fun, but still boring.

One day Rhet decided a new type of experiment. They divided themself into two, then further into four, then into sixteen and so on-- creating humanity. This is why all the humans/non-astrals in the story have brown eyes: they're all part of one god. Humans don't have any power as a single person but they do when they're in large groups.

These days there are kind of only two gods left-- Sin-Nul died, Rhet became humanity, and Sol is sleeping above the clouds being unbothered.

Rhet

Because of this it's hard to talk about Rhet as like. a being. Rhet is all of humanity and everything humanity does is basically something Rhet would do. That means all the compassion and cruelty and disinterest and obsession all stems from them.

(btw you can use whatever pronouns you want for Rhet, because... in the story every human (like you!) is Rhet, so a lot of people actually use their own pronouns to speak about them. Like a she/her might use she/her and a he/him would use he/him.)

Rhet's domains are/were life, creativity, expanse, imagination, and creation. They are the creator.

Sol

Sol, as a general rule, does not give a fuck about anything. She used to-- humans and the planet were once very special to her. However she eventually learned the fate of her stars was to swell into a red giant, killing the planet Earth and everything on it, and she lost interest. Sol spends most of her time asleep, no longer allowing herself to get attached to what she will ultimately destroy.

Sol is the only god who is still alive in her original form, but unfortunately she does not give the slightest shit about intervening and helping.

Sol's domains are space (like places), endings, and light. She is the finale.

Sin-Nul

Sin-Nul was close to Rhet and devastated when they started to split into little humans, but eventually Sin-Nul grew to love humans too. But Sin-Nul was always worried about the humans and didn't want anything to happen to them-- that's why Sin-Nul decided to make the Celestials and Divines.

She made the Divines first by borrowing Rhet's powers and seeding the other planets in the solar system with life. Her hope was to make new gods that could help guide humanity into a better age, but the Divines are jackasses who were more interested in entertaining themselves at the humans' expense than actually being helpful.

Frustrated, Sin-Nul then made the Celestials. Now uh, the thing to keep in mind here is that ultimately a god is a god and they can't really relate to humans all that well. Sin-Nul sees humanity as a whole, not as individuals. If one human dies... that's fine. Because it's one human, and they go back into the large soul that was Rhet. It's the same way you'd feel about one of your cells dying: cells die every day, but you want to keep the body alive right?

So Sin-Nul made Celestials by using parts of her own soul to seed stars with power. Once these stars started to awaken, Sin-Nul needed bodies to give to the stars, and she sacrificed hundreds of children to them. This killed all her sacrifices. However the experiment worked, and Celestials were added into the life cycle by reincarnating inside humans. The stars slowly began to awake with life.

This move made Sin-Nul very unpopular with just about everyone. The Divines hated it because Celestials interfered with their schemes, humans hated it because Celestials were just as likely to hurt people as they were to help them, and a lot of Celestials didn't actually like it because the stars weren't exactly asked to become alive and sapient, and they felt like they didn't below anywhere.

Sin-Nul at this point was getting pretty angry. She was trying very hard to protect humanity but no one appreciated her and everything she was doing was just making things worse. After watching humans kill themselves (why can they do that and I can't?), Sin-Nul decided that the "Rhet experiment" should end, and tried to reduce all of the human population to just one person, to bring back Rhet.

For once, the Celestials and Divines actually teamed up and killed Sin-Nul instead.

This had disastrous consequences. It's a good time to bring up Sin-Nul's domains: Darkness, growth, cycles, time, and rebirth. What happens when you kill the god of time and rebirth? They don't just stay dead, but they can't come back to life either. Sin-Nul shattered into a billion pieces and was embeded into the earth, creating Shards. Shards are monsters that will always cycle back into creation, just like the moon goes through phases.

You can think of Shards the same way you can think of Ghosts. They are echoes of the last few minutes that Sin-Nul spent alive, feeling pain, betrayal, fear, and anger. They literally, physically, can not move on and feel anything else. They are always experiencing those same last few minutes. In a sense, they are always experiencing death. Killing Sin-Nul really just meant making an existence that cannot live and cannot die and it's stuck between the two, unable to move on and unable to end itself.

Various attempts have been made to put Sin-Nul back together, but none of them have worked. For now the Divines and Celestials kill the Shards as it's not (as) dangerous for them as it is for a regular human.

So... in a sense, Sin-Nul's creations did end up saving humanity. from herself.

[winterbrrrd]

Habitual dying

Two hours of tears and they’re still here

Waiting for the next thing to pull the strings

Of this heart that is far too much for most,

For me,

For the loves who love me,

For the loves who leave,

For every sacred stone I ever stole

And then sobbed over

For being so reckless,

For the curses I carry

Due to my own misdeeds.

I Google symptoms.

Wonder if I’m a narcissist like the rest of them,

Just as bad as my enemies.

Wonder if I’m the reason for my hatred,

For my disdain for emotional familiarity

And my need to be nearer.

I’m only silent in the forgotten halls of long-closed dormitories

With wild teenagers who stab bibles

And carve numbers in the walls.

With toes uncovered in Crocs,

Forgetting socks,

I’m left with ten ice blocks.

The kids talk on walkie talkies

With their friend who waits in the car

Looking for police officers.

One of the teens is a firefighter

At the age when I was first learning about my body,

The way it hurts with things inside me,

The way they’d cut me so I could welcome men within,

Feel that validation,

That assurance that I was worth something,

Worth filling,

Worth risking health and a childless future,

Worth ten minutes of flailing,

Unsatisfactory

nudity.

Worth something.

I watch Beef and I think of how in one day

You will be on this couch with me,

Holding me,

Going nowhere,

Seeing nothing,

Sitting in the stillness of recent memories,

Of scattered roadtrips

To lost quarries

That raped the land I live on

To built towering,

Monstrous beasts

That may someday reach the same fate

As this lost dormitory -

Toppling.

And after two hours of crying and wheezing through sick, rattling lungs,

I’ve seemingly forgotten

You aren’t coming.

We come into this world in sacred arms,

Those of mother.

We die without her

If we’re lucky.

I don’t wish away time.

I try to fill it wisely with adventure

And curiosity.

I try to see as much as one human can possibly see in a single lifetime

Without losing track of the fact

Of dying.

I know it could come at any moment,

On this highway,

On that one,

Around this curving mountain road with no cell signal

And only suspicious pickup trucks to rescue me -

Green-haired,

Tattooed

Freak.

I take my chances.

Living wildly now

is worth more than a lifetime

of habitual dying.

[serendipityunho]

Acquainted (M)

!! DO NOT REPOST MY WRITING !!

⇢ Genre: angst & some sexy smut  ⇢ Pairing: your ex’s best friend!San x Reader (fem.) ⇢ Word Count: 5.7k ⇢ Warnings: explicit language, heartbreak, (past) cheating, oral sex, fingering, clit play, first time, low-key rough sex, explicit depiction of sexual intercourse. Synopsis: when chaos headed your way, it was only a matter of time before Choi San came to give you the love that you so desperately deserve.

san’s masterlist // main masterlist taglist application

The distance and the time between you and Seonghwa was only growing further and further apart. If only he had told you the truth, so much time would’ve been saved, so much love, so much feelings. Even though you were going through it, your heart would still die for him.

Die for a cheater? Or die for the love he had given you? It was stupid, your mind knows, yet your heart still clenches around the fantasy of going back to him. 

There was only so much you could do, not calling or texting him was the hardest part. You were surprised at how long your phone managed to last with your tears continuously soaking into the cracks of the screen. You love him, you love him so much. 

Seonghwa was your soulmate, you were so heavily invested in that idea. But look where that had gotten you, falling onto your kitchen floor, bawling out tears in a place where you had found peace with him. All that just for you to kick him out, all the efforts wasted. The flashbacks had only made you feel sick, disgusted.

“Was she worth it?” you choked, tears blurring your vision as you stood in disbelief.

“Don’t say that, please,” Seonghwa begged as he reached out to try and hold you.

“Tell me, Seonghwa, was she really worth years of us?!” You could barely hold your tears back before bursting into a mess. It felt like your throat was suffocating with barbed wires around it, hurting with every word you spoke.

He kept silent, as if you were expecting a reasonable response anyway. Nothing was reasonable about cheating, absolutely nothing. 

The same image played throughout your mind over and over again as if it was a forever nightmare. The clothes on the floor, the laughter of a woman that wasn’t you. Oh, how you wish it were that easy to forget about all those years wasted, the fake love, the way he kissed you with his lips that were wet with filthy lies.

Three months was what it took. Months to finally replace the sadness with disgust. Everything around you had reminded you of him, the bed was the worst. Filled with god-knows how many dead skin cells of the other woman. It had to be burned. 

The pain you had felt turned into hatred, you hated every single thing there was to meet your eye. It was like fire in your body, thoughts clouded with a pessimistic judgement as flowers became nothing more than an act of temporary love that would eventually die. 

Seonghwa became nothing, just a mere number in the census. That’s all he was. A stranger you’d hope to never run into ever again. An existence you grew out of caring about.

The walls of your apartment became an imaginary notebook for your thoughts, except better. Unlike a notebook, it would never run out of spaces, the wall was blank for your thoughts to hit it and never come back. Vanished into a bliss of nothingness.

A little trip to the convenience store at this time of night? Wouldn’t hurt a fly. Though it did hurt your peace of mind, Seonghwa’s fault of course, bringing back all those snacks after a day of work. Well, it was time to find a new one now.

The cold winter’s night was peaceful, rough winds were your favourite. There was something about the numbing cold that you resonated so much with. Bit of a cheesy thing to say it was just like your heart, cold and numb.

The next nearest store wasn’t too far from your shabby apartment building, it was bigger than the one next to your home. Much bigger, looked better honestly.

Each step closer gathered warmth from the insulated building. Your ears met with the gentle ring of the bell as you walked through, scanning the new empty environment. Silence, that’s what you liked. No one to be in your way and no one to bother you. 

Different store, exact same fucking things Seonghwa had touched. All of your favourite foods and drinks turned into an ick the more you get flashbacks with each one. 

“Nice,” you groaned in annoyance, picking up a random purple drink before roaming the aisles once again. 

Nobody had you feeling this way. Your ‘happy’ relationship with Seonghwa had consisted of laughter, innocence, virtue- 

Ah, so that’s where it went wrong. He needed a bitch to fuck. That’s what it was, and you couldn’t give it to him. Kudos to the patience he’s shown, but men will be men. You scoffed at your dumbfoldness, if only you had realised earlier, letting loose probably would’ve saved your relationship.

But who were you to fall under the needs of men? It’s not that you weren’t horny during the relationship, because you were definitely horny. It was just the thought of being so close to another naked person that made you uneasy. Of course Seonghwa had to do what everyone does when they can’t get pussy, pick up some easy pussy off the street.  

“Hey-” a soft voice broke you out of the sudden epiphany, your head turned to face a familiar face. 

“Oh, hi,” a small part of you thought it was Seonghwa, but you were glad it wasn’t.

“Do you remember me?” The sharp features could be distinguished among many, you knew exactly who was standing in front of you.

“San, right?” He was one of Seonghwa’s friends, the one you only spoke to when Seonghwa had them over. A nice guy, he even helped with the cooking one time. 

“Yeah, how are you?” without a doubt, he’d heard about what had happened. San always had that caring instinct, it was the vibe you got off from him.

“How am I? I don’t even know how I feel,” you scoffed. There was no way to pinpoint how you were feeling, it was just like a deep void of nothing, numbness. 

“Do you… want to talk?” It surprised you at how concerned San was, you had made the mistake of cutting everybody off for Seonghwa to live your ‘best’ life. There was no one left for you to talk to, but San offered. For the first time in three months, someone had asked how you were. You could say it did hit you a bit emotionally. God forbid you go through those emotional days again, you had only just picked yourself up.

“Talk?” a small pinch of happiness sparked from the bottom of your stomach, you had just grown used to the loneliness around you these past few months, the mere recollection of memories were slowly but painfully fading. 

“I lost all my respect for Seonghwa after what happened,” they weren’t friends anymore? It struck you with surprise, the two had a bond no one could break “, I can’t support something like that.”

“But, you were such good friends. How did you cut him off just like that?” their friendship lasted longer than your relationship, the pain was unbearable when you left. But for San? It would’ve been a wreck to throw away years of friendship over an arguably reasonable moral.

San snaked a hand through his hair, pressing his lips into a firm line before sighing. His eyes said it all, it was definitely not easy with what he went through. There was no bad blood in their friendship compared to your situation. The guy was going through a platonic breakup for fucks sake.  

“Let’s get food, I know you didn’t just come down here in the middle of the night for that,” San swerved the topic, subtle pain stringing with each word he spoke.

“It hurts doesn’t it?” You chuckled as the two of you streamed down the aisle of instant goods, growing comfort in each other’s presence. 

“Friends come and go,” San sighed, it was obvious he was trying to hide the difficulties in his situation. Bit of an optimistic person, you’ve noticed.

“Boys come and go too,” you sighed as you attempted to lift the mood for a split second. By the time you had slowly reached the end of the aisle with San, nothing new seemed to have landed in your hands.

“Fuck it, let’s just eat rice cakes,” San chuckled as he grabbed a random box of those instant rice cakes, walking back to the checkout before reaching for his wallet.

“Are we eating together?” You smiled softly, you had no problem with San. He was the person you didn’t know you needed, his presence was comforting, there was no awkwardness. You liked that.

“W-Well, if you want me to,” San stuttered, eyes widened as he panicked. 

“Hm, I wouldn’t mind,” you threw him a soft smile as you watched his lips curl into a smile too. You could tell he was reliable, no wonder Seonghwa felt the need to tell him, he relied on San. But, look where his mistakes had gotten him, the loss of a love and the loss of loyalty.

“Great, I wasn’t looking forward to eating alone,” San slid a few coins along the counter before he led you back to the eating area of the store.

“You figured out why I was here at this time, but what are you doing here?” You questioned San, watching him pour all the condiments in the bowl.

“I ran out of smokes,” you were starstruck at San’s words, he was a smoker? Never would have imagined.

“You smoke?” You crossed your arms, gazing at his face as you try to decipher how a guy like San was into smoking.

“I used to,” San looked up, smirking at you as he took in your confused face, “Seonghwa didn’t like it when I smoked,” he chuckled before closing the lid back onto the bowl.

“Really?” Seonghwa was no angel, how could he have stopped San from smoking if the motherfucker himself snuck out the balcony for a smoke too?

“Mhm, even though it was my own doing, I don’t have Seonghwa here to stop me anymore,” San chuckled before throwing the bowl into a microwave.

“You know Seonghwa smokes too right?” Your brows furrowed, as if his best friend, well, ex-best friend didn’t know that.

“Wait, what?” San looked betrayed with a brow raised and shoulders slumped.

“Yeah, he smoked all the time,” you nonchalantly striked. You didn’t have a problem with people who smoke. It was simply none of your business.

“That guy, I swear to God…” San scoffed under his breath, throwing a defeated laugh at you.

“The more you know, right?” You giggled, laying back on the chair as San brought back the heated bowl of rice cakes.

“Hm, you’re telling me I stopped smoking for literally nothing?” San’s brows lifted as he opened the lid to a whole load of steam.

“Must be sad right?” You mocked a sad face at San. His whole face looked defeated, as if he committed just for nothing- wow, relativity of you both.

There was something about San that had just made you want to smile the whole night. Seemingly enough, nothing had made you smile recently, almost as if you didn’t want to. But with San, you wanted to smile at his optimism. There was comfort where he was, you didn’t want this night to be over. You don’t even have his number to keep him around for the sake of your happiness.

“I haven’t spoken to him since what happened, you know?” San spoke as he stirred the food, handing you the pair of chopsticks he was using.

“Why not?”

“Can’t have people influence me like that,” San was smart, totally more conscious in his mind rather than his heart. It was people like him that would be able to give you hope to heal.

“So you cut him off just like that?” If only it was just as easy for you to do the same.

“It wasn’t easy as it sounds… I’m sure you’ve heard the term ‘friendship break ups hurt more than relationship breakups’, right?” San’s eyes dropped, looking down on the table before sighing.

“Does it still hurt?” You worried, it was fair to care for him the way he brought you unknowingly comfort.

“Everyday,” San forced a smile before ushering you to eat, “it’s going to get cold if you don’t take a bite, I’m waiting too,” he chuckled before running both hands through his hair.

“Oh, right, sorry,” you took a bite of the food, another sense of happiness you felt in a while. You don’t know what it was, but just having someone there with you while you ate made the food taste better than usual.

“Do you miss him?”

“What is this, twenty-one questions?”

“You seem to ask me a lot of questions so why can’t I?” San cocked, making you shoot back a smirk. 

“Well, I don’t miss him if I’m being honest,” it was true, there was nothing you missed about Seonghwa as a person. The only thing you were missing was the love, the comfort, and the companionship. Other than that, there was nothing to miss.

“That doesn’t bother you?” Why should it? You were better off without him. You weren’t trying to spend another month crying over how lonely you were now.

“Not a single bit,” San looked concerned, almost as if he didn’t expect you to feel nothing within the span of three months.

“That’s quick, it took me a whole two years to get over my breakup,” you never said anything about being over it, but it was progress. You remembered when San had gone through that, Seonghwa had told you he didn’t speak much because of it. 

“That… that sounds draining,” you couldn’t imagine two years of grief over Seonghwa, if anything, you were manifesting to be over him in a few more months.

“I just know I’m not the same as before,” you could say the same for yourself.

“What happened?”

“Cheated on,” well, fuck. Turns out there was something common between the two of you.

“No wonder you didn’t stand by that motherfucker,” San laughed at your response as he chewed on his food.

“He never told me the reason behind it,” classic Seonghwa, doing his best to save his image.

“I came to a conclusion when I was coming here,” San perked his eyes up with curiosity, folding his arms as he became enticed. “I didn’t fuck him, that’s why.”

It was like a flash the way San’s jaw dropped so quickly. You came to acceptance that it would be the only reason why, what other reason would there be? Everything was picture perfect, arguments only lasted a minute or two and the only differences were how you liked cold showers and he liked hot showers.

“You’re fucking joking right now,” San spoke in utter disbelief, a wave of disappointment washed over his face as his brows scrunched.

“Unfortunately, no I’m not.”

“So, you’ve… never fucked?” San sounded quite awkward at the question, as if he felt like he was prying into something he shouldn’t.

“It doesn’t really seem pleasant, to be honest,” some may say differently, who knows. Your opinion could definitely be biased, seeing you’ve never done it to know for a fact.

“From my experience, I can say it feels pretty fucking good,” San chuckled akwardly, making you smirk with curiosity.

“How good?” you nodded your head to San. You’ve never really spoken about such experiences before, never interested you enough to ask. But with San already breaking into comfort with you? It wouldn’t hurt to talk.

“I’m not the one to speak on what it would be like for you, but for me? The moment you get it, you’re going to want it every second.”

“That’s crazy,” you splurged, no way someone would be down to fuck so much. 

“You won’t know ‘till you’ve tried, right?” 

“I’ll think about it,” you joked, pushing back the chair to stand up with San reciprocating your moves.

“Let me walk you home,” San insisted as the two of you took a hit of the cold air the moment you stepped foot out the store. 

“Are you sure? It’d be too late for you to get home as well.” 

“I kind of have a thing for late night walks,” San shivered under his puffer jacket before taking a few steps forward, waiting for you to follow.

It was like a relief, seeing San. His company made you feel safe, like you could trust him with what the two of you shared with each other. You wanted to know what he did to get over his breakup, if it would be any help to you in the long run. It was frightening how he had occupied two years just to get over someone temporary in his life. You didn’t want to dedicate two years getting over Seonghwa, it seemed, inconvenient, a waste of time once again. 

The streets were dimly lit with the shackled street lights, beaming on top of your heads every now and then. The flickering white lights highlighted him just right, his sharp jaw and cheekbones looked like they had gained a lot of compliments over the course of his lifetime. Even you were jealous of how sharp and prominent his features were. San had a different type of aura, you didn’t know but it was pulling you in. You wanted more of his comfort, maybe it was just the denial of loneliness that was speaking but, you really wanted it. 

You swear the two of you had literally just teleported in an instant to your apartment block by how quick that walk was. A sudden wave of sadness washed over you as this could be the last time you would see San. Would it be too soon to ask for someone else’s number?

“Will you be okay walking to your door?” San shoved his hands in his pockets, swaying back and forth against the cold.

“Actually, could you…”

“Hm?” 

“Could you come in with me?” Your heartbeat had quickened, hoping he would say ‘yes’.

“You want me to come inside?” San was taken back at your request, the last time he had stepped foot inside your home was when Seonghwa and you were still together. It was actually impressive he had remembered where you lived.

“If that’s okay with you,” as desperate as it sounded, you really wanted him to stay. 

“Uh, yeah, sure,” San’s voice softened as he patiently waited for you to walk up.

A place that had seemed like a tumour to your memory had instantly vanquished into something completely new with San here. It had finally felt like home again with the presence of comfort with you, it was something you couldn’t walk away from.

The moment you were hit with complete silence inside your home was when you wanted him the most. You wanted to know what else he could give you. 

“Do you want anything to drink?” the light of the fridge beamed in your face as you scanned for a beverage. San stood on the other side of the kitchen, eyes wandering around at every corner of your apartment. It’s been kept the same for years, there was nothing new besides the empty walls where your photos had been.

“I’m fine, thanks.” Frankly enough, the only beverage you had beside water was a half empty bottle of vodka, used to the best of your recreation on some nights. 

“Are you tired?” your hands fiddled with each other, it was a nerve wracking instinct of yours.

In all honesty, you needed someone tonight. You were craving the touch and affection of someone to hold you to sleep, reassuring you that you won’t go be lonely for the rest of the night.

“Yeah, I am. Are you?” San questioned, eyes barely holding it together as he slouched against the kitchen island.

“Do you, perhaps, want to sleep here tonight? With me?” it took a lot to get that out, you weren’t desperate in that way. It was a mere harmless request for someone to hold you.

San remained silent, articulating if you had regretted what you said or not. You swear you could hear your heartbeat echoing off the walls by how loud it was, but your pride was already swallowed to take it back.

“Will it make you feel better?” San was definitely the friend who would go above and beyond to make people happy,

“Much better.” San softly nodded his head in response, kicking off his shoes before taking his jacket off.

A flash of relief shook through your body as you made way to your bedroom, sheets creased with half the blanket off the bed. Well, that was embarrassing.

Tingles shot against your skin as it made contact with the cold sheets, feeling a dip of the mattress beside you made it somewhat a safe feeling. San snuggled perfectly into the blanket as he turned to his side to face you. The sheer moonlight bounced off his face as you gazed at him on your side.

“I want to know how it feels,” you mumbled with softened eyes at San.

“How what feels?” 

“Sex.”

It felt like an eternity that the two of you stared at each other in silence. You were able to appreciate his face up close and in person, there was not a single flaw you could find. This man was perfect.

“It feels-”

“I want you to show me.”

Your mind kept replaying what San had said earlier, ‘the moment you get it, you’ll want it every second,’ it was truly a moment of curiosity killing the cat. Literally. It’s going to kill your pussy. How good could it be? There was only one way to find out.

“Uh, I don’t think I’m the right person-”

“San, please,” your desperation was unbearable as you begged. 

“Are you sure?” his voice deepened, a hint of lust pooling in his sharp eyes. You tried to find a reason to pull him off, but it wasn’t working because he was perfect. You couldn’t walk away.

“Yes,” you would do anything at this point. Your craving for San wasn’t the same for Seonghwa. San drew you in instantly with his words and care, it was something you hadn’t faced in years. A string of trust grew the moment he had shared his heartbreak with you, the misery the two of you had faced only made the desire for San grow stronger.

San’s face inched closer and closer as your breathing quieted, his face was more blissful as it got closer. Your nerves tingle in all the right places as your lips grazed against each other, his lips were like pillows against yours. The distance closed in as your eyes fell shut at the touch of his lips pressed against yours, it was heaven-like.

Your lips moulded with his perfectly, the more he was kissing you, the more you wanted more. Your hands instinctively reached for San’s hair, pulling him closer as you hungered for more of him. To say you were in love with his touch was dangerous, because it was only just the beginning.

San’s hand rested on your waist before pulling himself on top of your body, pushing your legs apart with his knees as he softly grinded on you. Your tongues faced one another as San grew eager for more.

It was the closest you have ever gone with anybody, but you were willing to go further with San. it may have been too soon to say, but he understood you. You could feel it.

“More,” you pleaded, letting San rest his forehead against yours as his hand caressed the slightly exposed skin of your waist.

“Patience, I want to make you feel good,” San mumbled, digging his face into the side of your neck as he plastered it with aggressive kisses.

A loud moan left your lips as the warmth of his breath covered your neck and his growing bulge rubbing softly at your covered clit. If this was addicting, you can’t imagine how the real thing was going to make you feel. 

Your hands made their way to San’s waist, pulling him in closer as your body grinded against his harder. The rhythm of your movements placed you in a trance like state as you tugged on his shirt, lifting it above to his shoulders. San’s hands gripped your thigh harshly but softly, making you moan in response. 

“Fuck,” your eyes shut as San leaned back up to pull off his shirt, “I want it,” you smirked, giving San doe eyes as he smirked back. 

“I haven’t even started…” San softly pecked your lips, trailing his fingers on the surface of your pants. 

“Take it off,” you moaned, pushing your hips up with your clit feeling the pressure of his fingers.

“You sure you want this?”

“I’m sure,” undoing the drawstrings of your pants before sliding them off slowly as San watched.

It wasn’t long before San found himself pulling the rest off and lowering himself down between your legs, kissing your inner thigh with a soft moan. It felt sort of ticklish but so pleasurable at the same time. The flash of hot air coming out from San’s mouth cascaded over your skin towards your throbbing clit, making your head gently fall back into the pillow.

“You’re going to love this,” San whispered, reaching the hem of your panties before gently sliding it down your legs. The lust in San’s eyes were pooling around as his face closed the distance between your body. 

A sharp gasp left your lips as San’s lips pressed against your clit, sucking it gently as he rubbed on the right spot with his mouth. Now this was a new feeling you enjoyed. Your hands immediately grasped around his head as he snaked his shoulders under your leg, arching your back slightly as your body filled with a pleasure you didn’t know you needed.

“Ohmygod- San,” your brows furrowed in pleasure as his tongue lapped at your pussy, smearing your juices all over as more poured out. 

“Mhmm,” San groaned against your heat, attaching his mouth harder against your pussy aggressively. Your head filled with buzz, you couldn’t even focus straight as your body twitched and back arched off the mattress. The feeling was something you didn’t know you were missing out on until now. How did this feel better than love itself? You could handle this all day, every day…

San swiftly took one of his arms out from under your thighs before pushing your stomach down, making your back fall back onto the bed. The pressure against your stomach only made it even more pleasurable with your eyes rolling to the back of your head. There was that feeling of intensity and you couldn’t hold back the breathy moans as San lapped at your juices, swirling your clit with his flattened tongue. 

“Fuck- Ohmygod fuck!” your legs tensed as you struggled to keep your eyes open, a pleasurable buzz clouded your head with lust and sparks as San kept his mouth on your drenched pussy.

Your body grew tense as it filled with intense sparks, a knot in your stomach twisting tighter and tighter as San smears his fingers with your juices before gently inserting it into your hole. A defeated moan drooled off your lips as your body grew into a sensory overload with San pumping his finger in and out with a rhythm. 

“Faster- ohmygod fuck-” your legs were shaking at this point as the feeling was so surreal, the sparks and pleasure was almost too much to handle as San kept going as if he was starving.

With each pump of his fingers, there was a pump of sparks that flowed through your body. Your head felt like it was going to explode with your eyes seeing nothing but clouds and fireworks as the knot in your stomach- “Fuck I’m going to- mhmnggh- Oh fuck fuckSan!” the room filled with the sounds of your moans mixed with the squelching of your juices against his mouth and fingers as your body filled with fireworks and a raging burst of pleasure.

San just kept going, sending you to a sensory overload with broken moans and whimpers echoing through your home. It would be embarrassing to now hope that the walls weren’t thin. 

“Oh my god…” San slowly stopped his pace, eyes looking up at you from between your legs as they darken in lust.

“You seemed to enjoy that,” San stood up on his knees, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before lifting your shirt slowly.

“You should do that more often,” you sighed defeatedly, smirking as your shirt left you bare with nothing underneath.

“Yeah?” He smirked, cupping your face with his face before leaning down to kiss you aggressively as his body hovered over yours merely.

The sparks in your body was slowly fading but the throbbing of pleasure throughout your body grew more and more intense as your pussy drowned in wetness. “Take it off,” you groaned, tugging on the hem of San’s pants.

“As you wish,” San slid of his pants with ease, hesitating to completely pull down his boxers “, you want this? Are you sure?” the worry in his voice was sweet, but you didn’t need to question your own decisions with him.

“I want it, I want you,” your fingers slipped past the hem of San’s boxers, pulling them down as he watched with a soft moan. 

It was the moment now with the two of you bare on the bed, facing each other with nothing but lust and cravings for more of your bodies. San’s exposed member hardened with each second passing as you pulled him down with a hungry kiss, hands roaming all around his body with your hips moving in sync with his. You could feel the tip of his cock brushing against your hole, just smearing itself with your wetness. For once, you didn’t feel uncomfortable or uneasy, you felt safe and loved. But it was dangerously too soon to think so. 

Your breathy moans ran through San’s ear as he kissed your neck, pushing his length closer to your hole before slowly and gently inserting the tip. A low gasp replaced your moans as San groaned against your neck, gripping the pillow beside you with force.

It was surreal with this new found feeling, something that oddly felt better than what had just happened. Your body moved further down, swallowing his length all the way with a loud gasp mixed with San’s sudden moan. He looked up to you with furrowed brows and parted lips as his grip on the pillow relaxed.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he cursed, breathing heavily as he looked down to his hips thrusting very slowly. Even with the slow movements, you felt it with every fibre in your body. 

“You can keep going, I’m okay…” you ushered, cupping his face with your palm before pushing him down to hold you.

“Is it too much?” San worried as he struggled to ignore his pleasure.

“No,” your hips grinded, making San’s eyes flutter with pleasure.

You’ve never felt so close to a person, but it didn’t feel close enough. You wanted him deeper, to hold you tighter, smother you with kisses and warmth. It felt like a drug, he was addicting.

San’s hips thrusted with more pace, coating in your wetness as you moaned gracefully, nails digging into his back as he hits your clit with every thrust. You could feel his whole length pumping in and out of you, throbbing harder each time as you grew accustomed to a different sense of pleasure.

“I don’t think I can last-”

“Ohmygod, keep going!” you cut him off as your head dives into yet another pit of clouds, focusing on nothing more than the squelching of your pussy against San’s length. Your moans broke as you whimpered with pleasure as San struggled to last from your tightness.

“Fuck, it feels so good,” you whimpered, making San breath heavier and heavier with each second.

“Oh you’re gonna make me cu-” your body shook as San thrusted harder, faster and sloppier. Your moans couldn’t be contained as your face furrowed in pleasure, eyes rolling back as your hands harshly grip the sheets. The harder San went, the more you wanted more.

“Cum for me, ohmygod- yes,” that only made San go harder, a concoction of your moans bouncing off the walls and into whatever space there was in your home. 

“Fuck…” San pulled his length out swiftly, pumping his soaked throbbing cock with his hands quickly before a white release painted your upper body from your chest to your stomach.

The silence hovered with the sounds of the two of you catching your breath, sweat dripping from San’s forehead as you felt heated from the pleasure. It took a moment before you snapped back from the pleasure to realising San had given you the best night you ever had. No doubts crossed your mind, no verge of crying from heartbreak, no nothing. You had simply forgotten what you were grieving. 

“That was…” you chuckled, pushing your hair back as you caught your breath.

“Did I go to hard? Fuck- I’m sorry- I shouldn’t have-”

“No, no- it was… I liked it. I liked it alot,” you smiled seeing the worry wash off San’s face as he slumped his shoulders.

“Good, thats good.”

“Um… Am I going to lay here like this?” You joked, realising San hadn’t cleaned either of us.

“Oh shit, sorry- oh my god,” San hurridly scanned the room before finding the box of tissues on the bedside. 

“You need a new box,” San chuckled, making use of the remaining tissues in the box to clean the two of you.

“Yeah… well that’s what happens when you just got dumped.”

The two of you burst out laughing. It was crazy to think about how one minute you were crying over a cheater and the next you’re fucking his best friend- ex-best friend. That was the one thing in common in your titles, exes of the same person in different ways.

“Will I see you again?” You laid on your side, a sense of sadness washed over as this was all so sudden.

“I want to see you again, every day…” San softly smiled as he laid down next to you, pushing your hair behind your ear. 

“Can we fuck everyday?” You chuckled as San replicated your smile.

“Of course we can.”

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[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Hollow Pass (Part 1)

Summary: When the reader has to spend a day in the mines for work, she’s less than thrilled. When the miner showing her around for the day, Dean Winchester, is an ass, she’s even less thrilled. But an accident will change all of that and if they want a chance of getting out of the mess they’re in, they’ll need to put their lives in each others hands, literally...

Pairing: Miner!Dean x reader

Word Count: 4,100ish

Warnings: language, injury, frightening/claustrophobic/near death situations

A/N: Please enjoy the first of this 2 parter!

_______

You sighed as you stood in the trailer of the manager’s office, a jumpsuit and a pair of boots sat in a chair. Your boss, bless his heart, thought it was always a good idea for corporate positions to experience a day in the mines to truly understand the product and what the little guy went through on a day to day basis. The argument that you were not really corporate, not even close, seemed to go over his head.

“Y/N, you gonna change? I need my office back,” said the manager through the door. You pulled it open and pouted. “I don’t want you going down in the mines anymore than you do but if you want to make corporate, you gotta do what the CEO says.”

“Dad I don’t even want to work there. I like my simple office job.”

“Then why have you been in all those development programs at work?” he asked. You shrugged and he sighed. “Cause you can’t say no.”

“Do I have to?” you asked, looking back at the overalls.

“Do you want to quit?” he asked.

“I don’t want to lose a good paycheck. But I don’t want a corporate job either,” you said. 

“Then you’re shit outta luck,” he said. “I’m gonna put you with the Winchester boy. He’s on safety checks in our most secure mines.”

“You mean the ones that never have problems.”

“Funny how that all coincidentally happened today of all days,” he said with a smile.

“Thanks dad.”

“I don’t want you going anywhere near explosives. You’ll be safe doing the checks with Dean for the day.”

“Hi, I’m Y/N,” you said twenty minutes later. The man in overalls and a hard hat rolled his eyes.

“I’m ten minutes late because of you which means I’m gonna get docked those ten minutes of pay so thank you little miss corporate.”

“I’m your boss’ daughter, jackass.”

“Still ain’t my boss,” he said. You huffed and headed over towards the mine entrance when he grabbed the back of your overalls. “No, dummy. You have zero safety gear so unless you want to die, you’re coming with me.”

“Asshole.”

“Dean Winchester at your service,” he said, dragging you over with him to some lockers. He punched a card and went to the storage racks, seemingly grabbing a few items and putting them on. He picked the hard hat off your head and grabbed one with a light and a wire attached to it, clipping it on your belt. He put something over your shoulder you put your arm through like a sling and clipped a mask onto the back of your belt, a flashlight and a small hand pickaxe going through your other loops. “Turn this lamp on anytime you’re in the mine and never, ever, take off your hat. If I yell at you or you smell something funny, get that mask on. Flashlight and the axe are backup for emergencies.”

He put a radio in your pocket and looked you over.

“Oh and for the love of God, do not wander off. I don’t care if you see a bug or break a nail or gotta piss.”

“What do you do if you have to…” you said.

“Normally you piss against some rock like a man but special manager’s daughter we’ll walk you back out here, take our slow ass time, make me go longer than my shift and because I was late today, I don’t get overtime.”

“That sounds kinda illegal.”

“The contracts for this company are a fucking nightmare,” he said, walking out of storage.

“Why work here then?” you asked as he went to an area and grabbed a clipboard. He took two water bottles and clipped them on each of your belts before whistling for you to follow after.

“Well somebody had to pay for his baby brother to go to law school and it wasn’t going to be my drunk of a father now was it,” said Dean, stopping and writing something down. 

“So you didn’t grow up with mining in your family?” you asked.

“No. I’m not some redneck hillbilly like you imagine either,” he said. He flipped on his light and turned yours on when you got to the mine entrance. “Crouch.”

“Huh?”

“We ain’t riding the cart which is missing, dumbass. Crouch down so you can fit in the tunnel,” he said. You swallowed and had to bend down some, following Dean closely. “Ain’t claustrophobic are ya cause now’s the time to tell me.”

“No,” you said. “Jerk.”

“Ah, see? We’re getting along already.”

You walked for five or so minutes before the ground sloped down further and an entrance to the right opened up. Dean straightened up and you did the same, stretching out as he grabbed the back of your jumpsuit.

“Dude, would you stop doing that?” you said.

“Would you stay in my line of sight?”

“That’s harassment. You can’t touch me without my permission,” you said, crossing your arms. He blinked a few times and rolled his eyes quite possibly the most dramatically you’d ever seen in your life.

“This? This is not an office building. Every single time you step in here you run the risk of dying and you have zero clue on how to stay safe down here. I hate it when you people with your big offices and penny pinching bullshit come down here and complain about every goddamn little thing. If you want out, get out of the fucking mining business.”

“You’re an irritable person,” you said. He grumbled and tugged you along with him until you brushed him off. You followed him down a hallway and another, Dean checking things off on his clipboard as he went. “Are you gonna explain any of this stuff?”

“What do you think?” he said. He whistled and you followed him down a few more hallways when he stopped a gauge looking contraption. He checked a few different numbers and valves on it as you spun around. 

“I guess it is kinda cool. That somehow you guys know how to block up rocks and leave all these cracks and know how to make it so it doesn’t all come crashing down.”

“Cracks?” he asked as he squatted down and read off a meter.

“Yeah like that big one,” you said, pointing at the wall across the way. He turned around and looked at it for barely a second before he grabbed your arm. 

“Move. Now,” he said. He pulled out his radio and pressed down the button. “We have a grade five crack in Lodge Six West. Do not blow. I repeat do not-”

The ground rumbled and you heard a splintering noise, Dean pushing you back into the hallway you’d been in. He jumped on top of you and covered your body with his, all the lights going out, a loud thundering of falling rocks happening close by. It seemed to go on and on before it finally stilled, the hallway pitch black.

“You alright?” he asked.

“I think so,” you said, coughing when you felt dust in the air.

“Don’t move,” he said. He lifted his head and there was some light, Dean looking around before climbing off of you and staring at a new wall of rock. He looked at the hallway you’d been in, clicking on his flashlight and you saw where the rock dropped off about a hundred feet away. “Well. Shit.”

“What just happened?”

“The rock was unstable and they already set off the charges and it shook the mountain so now there’s a giant hole over there and our exit is blocked.”

“What’s that way?” you asked, nodding down the only unobstructed hallway.

“Further down into the mine before you hit the decommissioned area.”

“Is there a way out,” you asked, Dean patting his side.

“Fuck. My radio is under all that,” he said. He took out yours and handed it to him, Dean nodding before he turned it on. “Main do you copy, over?”

There was silence on the other end and Dean hit the button again.

“Main this is Winchester in Lodge Six West with…what’s your name?” he asked.

“Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Y/N Y/L/N, manager’s kid. Copy, over.”

“Winchester this is Main. We got lots of calls coming in from ground crews about a shaking.”

“Lodge Six West Hall K is a giant crater of death and Hall H is buried, right up to the entrance of junction HJ.”

“Injuries?”

“We’re okay,” said Dean.

“Give me a second.”

Dean took a deep breath and coughed. He tapped your mask on your belt and you put it on, the air a bit easier to breath. 

“Winchester this is Melvin.”

“She’s okay, boss. Just a little shook up. Saved our asses from winding up in the ground even if she doesn’t know it yet,” he said. He held out the radio and you pulled down the mask. 

“Dad I’m fine, really. We both are. It’s just kinda dark and smelly is all.”

“I know. Put your mask on sweetie until you can get to some cleaner air,” he said. You put it back on, Dean, getting to his feet. He pulled you up and looked back at your blocked path. 

“Any other collapses?” asked Dean.

“None reported so far. Everyone should be out of the mine’s or on their way. Alarm is blasting.” You looked back at Dean, his eyes shutting.

“Melvin we can’t hear it. At all.”

“Rodney’s out checking where our side of the collapse starts. We’ll get you out,” he said, someone panting in the background.

“Hall B, Mel,” he said. Dean turned away from you and sighed. No one said anything for a long time until Dean finally raised his head.

“We got two 16 ounces bottles of water. If she rations it, she’s got a shot,” said Dean quietly.

“No, she doesn’t,” said your dad, his voice softer than you’d ever heard it. “How long does your radio have?”

“Mine got crushed. Hers was on a quarter charge. I’d guess maybe an hour or two tops,” he said.

“Should we call your brother?”

“He’s hiking in Glacier Park this week. No cell service,” said Dean quietly. “Just tell him to check my bottom desk drawer. There’s something for him there.”

“I can do that,” he said. “Is there anyone...parents-”

“All due respect sir, I’d rather you talk to your daughter,” he said. Dean held out the radio to you and you picked it up, Dean skirting around the corner to the one unblocked hallway.

“Dean?” you asked, following over there. He was leaned against the wall and looked over his shoulder at you. “What’s going on?”

“They can’t dig us out in time.”

“What do you mean-”

“Talk to your dad. You’re wasting time. That battery won’t last forever,” he said. He turned back and you walked back around the corner, sitting down against the wall.

“Hi dad,” you said.

“Hey,” he said, his voice shaky. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “Mom’s on her way down to talk, okay? She’ll be here in ten minutes.”

“I so quit this job,” you said, wiping off your eyes with the back of your hand. He laughed and you threw your head back. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m gonna stay on the line as long as I can, okay?”

“Okay. Okay.”

Two Hours Later

The battery in the radio had died about fifteen minutes ago. There was no sound aside from your sniffling and Dean’s down the hall. You got up eventually and went into the hall, sitting down beside him. You handed him the radio and he clipped it back on his belt.

“You okay?” you asked, voice hoarse.

“You try listening to someone say goodbye to their parents and not bawl,” he said. He wiped off his face and took a deep breath. “Air’s better now at least.”

“What do we do now?”

“Now,” he said, clipping his water bottle onto your belt. “You sit there and try not to exert a lot of energy and that water will last you a few days.”

“We both heard my father. They can’t drill or dig or do anything fast enough. It’d take weeks. I’m not sitting here next to your dead ass so take your damn water back,” you said, shoving it back in his chest. He didn’t speak but put it on his belt, pulling his knees into his chest. “Why were you so mean to me before? You gave up time on the phone for me. I don’t think you’re what you pretend to be.”

“I’m a dead man walking and that’s a fact.”

“Technically you’re sitting.”

He smiled and rested his face in his knees. He sat up and reached over behind you, hitting off your headlight.

“We need to conserve power as long as possible,” he said.

“Will our lights go out before we dehydrate to death?” you asked.

“Yes,” he said. “This is what it’ll be like.”

He flipped off his lamp and you swore you’d never experienced a darkness so deep. You felt his hand graze yours before holding it and you swallowed.

“Kinda less scary knowing you can turn it back on again,” he said.

“You didn’t answer my question. Why such a brute?”

“You do this job long enough and most people think you’re a dumb sack of shit with nothing in his head. You’re dead weight, odds are you’ll die down here or get into some kind of accident and have to go on disability the rest of your life. You corporate people are always so stuck up, like I’m not even good enough to be the dirt on your shoes. I didn’t give you a chance because odds were you were like all the rest of them. You’re the only reason we didn’t die in that hole, very painfully.”

“Wouldn’t we have-”

“No. It’s not a simple hole we would have fell in. Falling rocks, crushing and hitting, landing on you, ones you hit yourself. Might not kill you immediately. You’d feel it.”

“Dying of thirst is better?”

“I’d say so. Still get to keep this handsome face, or what’ll be left of it,” he said. He flipped his light back on and you scooted closer. “I think you’re very attractive.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m gonna die in like three or four days. Life has no consequences now and I happen to find you very attractive and you seem like a smart, sweet woman that put her parents a little at ease during the worst moment of their lives.”

“Who’s your brother?” you asked. “No consequences after all.”

“He’s a lawyer...and my best friend.”

“You said you did this job for him.”

“Student debt is a bitch. I try to help him out and the overtime helps make dents in it,” he said. “Our parents had debt out their asses. It caused so many problems for us. I wanted him safe, never have to worry about the next meal on the plate or the roof over his head or having to wear my hand me downs ever again. At least he’ll get my life insurance policy. That should help.”

“I have been busting my ass since I was a college freshman in that office to move up the chain for a job I didn’t even want. I completely lost nearly all of my twenties to work. All so I could die in here.”

“Well I know this doesn't sound good but I’m glad I didn’t die all super painful. Or that I’ll be alone,” he said. You smiled and nodded, Dean returning it. “Got any bucket list shit we can pull off down here?”

“We could make out,” you said. “Never knew anyone could make that jumpsuit look good.”

“Why the fuck not,” he chuckled. He leaned in close and your helmets bonked, Dean pulling his off and yours, quickly cupping your face. 

His lips were gentler than you thought, the two of you stopping when your lips were pressed together. You rested your forehead against his and broke off only an inch.

“Not as much fun at the moment as it sounded,” you breathed out.

“Pretty good last kiss though,” he said. You put your helmets back on and you grabbed his hand again. 

“Don’t let go down here. Please.”

He reached to his belt and undid a little pouch, pulling out a small tether of rope. He clipped one end onto him and the other to you.

“For when the lights go out,” he said.

“How long do we got?”

“About a day, maybe a little more,” he said. You sighed and turned your head, staring down the rest of the hall. “It’s decommissioned, Y/N. It’s a death trap.”

“Is there a way out?” you asked.

“Maybe. Maybe they never find us though,” he said. You stared at him and he nodded, hitting your headlamp back on. “Enough of the pity party. Let’s go get out of here or die trying.”

He stood and held out a hand, hoisting you to your feet. 

“So. What’s our best option?” you asked.

“It’s alright for a bit until we get to the decommissioned section. When we get there, that’s when it gets dangerous. Technically it’s dangerous now considering the blast but we’re okay for a bit,” he said. 

“Let’s go then,” you said. He nodded and you followed him down the hall, walking side by side. 

“Alright so the decommissioned section is called Hollow Pass. Beyond that is Upper Seven. If we can get to Upper Seven, we can get out the old entrance I’m pretty sure. Never been in there but hopefully it’s not a maze over there.”

“So Hollow Pass is the hard part.”

“Yeah.”

“Why was it decommissioned?”

“Unstable ground. Holes, pockets of air, rotted support beams, wood planks.”

“So it’s a death trap.”

“Yup,” he said. “We’re probably gonna die down there.”

“What do you think our odds are?”

“Well it’s been out of order for over fifty years, we have no map, I have no real idea where exactly to go...I give us 1% odds.”

“Beats are 0% odds here.”

“Good way to think about it considering we’re going to most likely die.” He stopped walking and took a deep breath. “If I fall or whatever, follow the widest hall possible and keep away from wood and cracks as best as possible. Ration your water and eventually you’ll find your way out.”

“If you fall I’m definitely not gonna make it.”

“Well at least try. You can tell my brother how devastatingly brave I was that way.”

“You just spent the past hour crying.”

“So did you,” he said. You bumped his shoulder and he returned it but it was playful and soft. You walked together quietly for a moment until Dean rounded a corner and took a deep breath.

There were a few planks across a hallway, Dean kicking them down, frowning when they broke pretty easily.

“There’s gonna be rot.”

“Lovely.”

“We don’t have to go,” he said. “You don’t have to. There’s a chance-“

“There’s no chance Dean. Not if we stay up there. If you don��t want to go, I will. Maybe I can get help back in-“

“We’re doing this together or you’re staying. I can go and you-“

“We both go,” you said. 

“I go first. You step where I step and if I tell you to do anything, you do it.”

“Dean. We already established that you’re not a hardass. You can lead the way but you know, nicely.”

“Alright, alright,” he said. He gave more slack in the rope attached to the two of you and took a deep breath. “Let’s go.”

He was calm for a few minutes until you were turning down a hallway, Dean suddenly stopping in front of you.

“What is it?” you asked.

“Look,” he said. You poked your head around him, swallowing at the rotted wood on the ground, holes worn into the planking. “Y/N that’s not good. Rot means there’s water and water means erosion and erosion means big shafts hundreds of feet straight down under those wood planks.”

“How much of it is wood?” you asked. You both looked ahead and sighed, the whole hall flooring covered in wood. “Shit.”

“Y/N. This is too dangerous. I’ve worked in mines since I was 18 and it’s way too dangerous.”

“Dean. I don’t want to die. If we don’t do anything, we’re dead in three days, maybe less.”

“Maybe they come up the decommissioned mine and get us,” he said. 

“Dean. The mountain collapsed from what my dad said. They are not coming in here, risking even more lives, in this mine. It might even have collapsed on the other side on the way out. We don’t know. All we do know is we stay and we’re dead or we go and we’re maybe dead.”

“You still won’t let me go on ahead on my own to try to get some help?”

“You’re not leaving me alone,” you said. You stepped ahead and he yanked on the rope, pulling you back. “Dean. Stop.”

“I go first,” he said. You held up your hands and he swallowed, Dean stepping past you, carefully putting his weight down on each plank. “Follow. Every footstep exactly where mine go.”

You followed after, the only sounds your breathing and the occasional board creaking. Dean put a foot down and stopped moving forward when you heard snapping. 

“Go back. Slowly.”

You stepped a foot backwards, putting weight on it and your foot going straight through. Dean grabbed your arm as you pulled your foot up, a few sticks falling into a deep dark pit. 

“What do we do,” you breathed out.

“Well we’re over rock that fell away so there’s a big hole beneath us if the rotted wood is anything to go by,” he said. You heard the slight waiver in his voice and sighed. “We make a choice. Forwards or backwards.”

“Back looks bad. Plus we already probably broke the supports.”

“I think solid ground is in front. But I have to jump for it,” he said. You looked past him and shook your head. 

“Dean, it's way too far. I can try to walk over there if you let out the rope. I get to solid ground and then you walk and if you fall, I got you with the rope.”

“Sweetheart, there’s no way.”

“You’re too heavy and we can’t stay here,” you said. You slipped past him and he tried to grab you but you went quickly. “Dean let out the rope. Now.”

“Fuck. We’re gonna die.”

“No we’re not,” you said, walking quickly, planks creaking but you sighed when you had solid rock under your feet again. “Alright. Just go where I did and fast.”

He took a deep breath and walked a few steps, a loud groaning of the wood making him move faster.

You hit the ground the second you saw him go down, the wood breaking away. Dean shouted and you dug your heels into the dirt. 

“Y/N!” he said, falling straight down into a hole and out of view.

_____

A/N: Read Part 2 here!