#|| ' forgive me father ; for i cannot help but admire the chosen of your sworn foe … ' || { re ; enver gortash }

[dirgeforthedead]

@banefulbenevolence sent me the cheetah picture a week ago or something and this is what happened as a result.

[lixbf]

wtf went on btwn durge and gortash pre lobotomy......

[dirgeforthedead-s]

Prayer for Forgiveness headcanons // @dirgeforthedead // Part ???

It's the fact that I just found the 'Prayer for Forgiveness' for the first time a couple of nights ago and…

Dirge is very intelligent, obviously. She has to be in order to be the caliber of assassin that she is. But she has also been raised in such a way that her value was in action and in following orders, not in chiming in or giving her two cents or questioning. In some ways, at least, with my version, she is very much almost non-verbal for many years.

Now, in plotting with one of my friends who isn't on tumblr, we realized it isn't until meeting Enver that starts to change. For the first part of their acquaintance, it was very much Enver being kind of fascinated/intrigued by her and talking at her about things… and then eventually she started speaking, and she, in fact, credits Enver with helping her find her voice…

So I was reading the letter last night when I found it and I realized something interesting.

' Forgive me, Father, for I cannot help but admire the Chosen of your sworn foe: Enver Gortash's genius will take us far, but fear not — those of Bane always fall to the same folly: they cannot see the beauty of obliteration. The Absolute hoax will garner false love from new slaves, but once I've built a large enough army, I will use our hold upon the Absolute's slaves to begin this vile world's end.

I can see the path through Gortash's brilliant plan. Gortash, Ketheric and I will seize the Netherese relics that control the Crown, and then use the Crown to command the illithid Grand Design. The Dead Three, age-old foes, our dire patrons, will be bosom friends for a time.

Father, you created me to be the last soul alive. When the time is right, and my power is assured, I will slaughter Gortash and Ketheric upon your altar, where I myself hope to die when the world itself is gasping its last.

At the end of this all, Father, there will not be a single creature living. Everyone will die. Everyone will die for YOU. I will make you proud. '

[ note appended at bottom of page in a different hand ]

Ha! Orin was right about her sibling. — Balth.

What occurred to me… is that sections of that note almost sound like Enver's over the top, very particular way of speaking? Because, honestly, his speech pattern, the diction… The way he speaks isn't exactly common, in my opinion. So when I say that he helped her find her voice, I guess I also mean that she emulated him in some ways.

I also find it interesting that she calls Ketheric by his first name, and Enver by his last. Almost as though she was overcompensating by trying to make him seem less important, less personal. If she uses his last name, it's all just business, right? Professionalism. See? Nothing to worry about because she has this totally under control.

[sinizade]

"Forgive me, Father, for i cannot help but admire the Chosen of your sworn foe"

Gortash is kinda... hmmm

[fascinationstreetmp3]

forgive me, father, for i cannot help but admire the chosen of your sworn foe

[butilikedyou]

"Forgive me, Father, for I cannot help but admire the Chosen of your sworn foe."

[creaits]

Forgive me, Father, for I cannot help but admire the Chosen of your sworn foe

[animentality]

I think the words "forgive me father, but I can't help but admire the chosen of your sworn enemy-"

just set off a bomb inside of me.

Like I know it's insane, but I can't NOT read into that???

There's something so insane about...begging your father for forgiveness for your feelings.

It's the religious guilt, the trauma behind those words, because you should never have to beg for your father and god's forgiveness for FEELINGS YOU CANNOT CONTROL, and the pain that has to be lying underneath that...

Even if it was platonic which I just don't think it was, it's absolutely, painful to consider the implications of being so lonely.

So very alone, in your temple of blood, and then one day finding yourself enjoying your time with someone...

And it's blasphemy. It's an open heresy.

It is a sin, and you know you can't hide anything from your father, and surely he's already noticed, and his punishment will come.

You must beg.

You must seek atonement.

You must reassure him that you are still strong and emotionless and powerful, as he made you.

But it's a lie.

You were made a demigod.

But you were still, just a tiny bit, human.

And it was eating away at you, until you had nothing left, and you were no longer the person you were before.

[rinwellisathing]

"Forgive me father, for I cannot help but admire the fat, juicy booty of your sworn enemy's chosen..."

[darkurgediaries]

“Forgive me father, for I cannot help but admire the Chosen of your sworn foe.”

[dirgeforthedead]

On the matter of Dirge & Enver // @dirgeforthedead & @banefulbenevolence

I think one of the things that I love so much with Enver and Dirge with this iteration is that, objectively, on face value, before they meet they are two absolutely terrifying and awful people.

They have both done horrifying, terrible things. They both have very few scruples, if any, about what they are and are not willing to do, particularly in any 'ends justify the means' scenario. They literally meet because Dirge has been sent to kill a patriar for disrespecting her father and Enver was there working on his 'seduction for power and wealth' angle. The only reason he doesn't die is because he's good at talking himself out of things and convinces her that he's someone worth knowing.

[ She decides she needs to figure out more about him to see if he's a threat to her father and his plans, to know if she can kill him or if she needs to find out more first, eliminate other threats, and then kill him. ]

It's about the way you would expect two absolutely horrendous people to meet and become associates of necessity.

[ Enver needs to at the least buy time so he isn't killed on the spot, and Dirge needs to know if he's an isolated threat or how far the spider web goes. ]

Now, you would assume, when they meet, they would also, quite decidedly, make each other all the worse by one Bad enabling and 'Yes And-ing' another Bad about every terrible, wicked idea that either one of them can imagine.

Which they do on one level, at least in the beginning because they cook up this plan together about the Elder Brain and the Crown and the tadpoles, the Absolute religious hoax, and everything they need set into motion to really Sell It--murder and mayhem in the streets, distrust of outsiders, and an army of cultists marching for the city.

But, over the course of knowing each other, they also??? make each other better??? in other ways???

Enver helps Dirge to find herself, to help her realize she's more than just an instrument of death and obliteration. He quite literally helps her find her voice, her ability to express her thoughts, opinions, desires, and needs, which is why her language in the 'Prayer for Forgiveness' is so similar to his own, honestly. She listened to him and then she would parrot things she had heard him say but in regards to whatever she wanted to express, and slowly she began to speak for herself, but always with a bit of a slant from his influence. He shows her patience and understanding and compassion--where almost no one ever showed him as much--while she is figuring herself out, and it means the world to her for reasons she can't even begin to explain.

What's more, both with this matter and in many other ways, he shows her that she has value beyond her ability to Kill Something Really Well. He values her opinions. He values her expertise in her fields. He values her.

She says that he is her heart, because she didn't have one before him.

And Dirge, of all people, shows Enver absolute and unwavering loyalty and devotion. Gives him ONE person that he knows would never betray him. Who respects him exactly as he is, even if/when the pretenses and performances are set aside. Who he doesn't have to seduce or flatter or charm to have in his corner. Someone who has never INTENTIONALLY or KNOWINGLY hurt him and is absolutely beside herself the times that she has. Who does everything she possibly can to prevent it or at least mitigate the damage--from managing her bloodlust to getting him charmed rings and trinkets she finds that protect from certain types of damage to giving him a cane with a hidden blade in it so that he has another way to protect himself from her or others.

Even if she doesn't speak and has difficulty expressing herself when first they meet, it's evident to Enver that she's simply been neglected in some regards, but not that she's any less intelligent.

In fact, he says that she is his equal, which is something he's never felt like he had prior to her.

And, over time, they both end up stumbling and fumbling their way through learning what it is to love and be loved, truly, unconditionally, beyond explanation or words--without wax, as Enver is fond of saying [ even though the saying confuses the hell out of Dirge for the longest time until he explains the origin of the phrase; please do imagine his amusement when she begins to sign letters to him 'without knives, Dirge' ].

At the end of the day, against all odds and expectations, even if not in every regard, they are both better for knowing each other, for loving each other.

I also think, from Dirge's standpoint, that whatever her 'Prayer for Forgiveness' might say to the contrary, when it would reach the tipping point and it was time to make a decision, even if the tadpole matter never happened, the path she chose the moment she chose Enver would always lead to her death because she would always defy Bhaal and refuse to become his Slayer, refuse to end the world.

After all, she finally had someone that she couldn't bear to lose.

As much as it pained her whenever her urges overtook her and she caused him harm, the idea of killing him becomes intolerable, inconceivable. She would have destroyed anyone and anything to protect him.

Including herself.

Now, was she on a path to Redemption, prior to the tadpoles? I don't think that I'd call it that.

But a path to Defiance? Absolutely.

And all because two terrible people met and became at least slightly better as a result.

[salemcantupdate]

“Forgive me, Father, for I cannot help but admire the Chosen of your sworn foe…”

[sledgehammer-to-a-discoball]

Forgive me Father for I cannot help but admire the Chosen of your sworn foe: Enver Gortash's genius will take us far...

[dearest-and-nearest]

Forgive me, Father, for I cannot help but admire the Chosen of your sworn foe

[artemisiavulgaris1114]

Forgive me, Father, for I cannot help but admire the Chosen of your sworn foe...

[flymmsy]

Forgive me, Father, for I cannot help but admire the Chosen of your sworn foe: Enver Gortash's genius will take us far.