#{it'll pass i promise}
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Acomplished very little today.
I'm putting together a single document that contains the random lore posts I can find here, as well as all the stories, shorts, snippets, and even some WIPs. Gonna just...take stock I guess.
It always amazes me just how little there is of Modern Inheritance.
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I have some messages that have been waiting. For a while. I'm very sorry. I am in the pit of despair. I'm really hoping I can get to them soon because I greatly enjoy your thoughts!! Just want to give them proper attention instead of a cursory pass if I'm in the agonies, if that makes sense. Soon (optimistic; threatening).
#i feel bad not acknowledging them so i just wanted to say Something#things are just very heavy rn and it has been a particularly bad day#sorry i don't say things like that to like. forcefully garner sympathy i promise#legitimately just trying to be honest about why i am so behind on them#but it'll pass probably#my ramblings
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Me @ my mutuals.
#// all of you are so nice aaaaaa#// i'm going through some shit (tm)#// those really really close to me know but hopefully it'll pass!!#// but i really appreciate all your kind words!!#// ALSO I PROMISE I'LL WRITE SOON I'VE JUST BEEN DUMB THE LAST FEW DAYS#╰ (✪∀<) ~ *:・゚✧ To bring out all the ghosts to light. ◜★◞ OOC.
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Hey <3 really sorry to bother you, I read Who Holds the Devil since day 1, I absolutely love it. Do you know when a new chapter will be posted ? Take care
Hi there! I'm glad that you like it! And thank you so much for staying faithful to the fic for so long 💜
Unfortunately, this is what we call "catching me at a bad time" since today I've received unsolicited criticism, opinions, and/or complaints (some of them valid) on three separate fics, from three different people. So I'm kind of having my doubts about the whole "writing fanfics" thing right now. Or at least the "posting fanfics" thing.
(That'll pass, don't worry. I'm just being dramatic because I'm still trying to process and overcome all these new doubts and anxieties I didn't ask for but suddenly have to deal with)
On top of that, you happen to be the second person to ask me this question today, which is in no way helping my current situation. I'm pretty sure that wasn't your intention, but yeah.
Also, I'm afraid I might be getting sick again so, uh, there's that, too.
So, to be entirely honest with you, I don't know. I had hoped to get back to it sooner than this, but things are kind of difficult right now even if we ignore the shitshow today has been for me, my confidence, and my writing.
As always, I promise I'll post as soon as I'm able but, right now, I can't say when that'll be. So please be patient for a little while longer :)
You take care too 💜
#Amethystina Replies#Anonymous#I promise it'll pass#And I will get back to writing it#Hopefully soon#Today is just a VERY bad day for this question#Because one of the fics in question was Who Holds the Devil#And... uh...#The comment hit me where it hurts#In that sort of way where even if it's just a single person saying their personal opinion#Which they're entitled to#And they claim it wasn't meant to be negative#I'm still second-guessing EVERYTHING now#Since it's such an important part of the fic#And something I take so much pride in#And it doesn't matter that it's one of the things other people have praised me for since the very beginning#Because anxiety doesn't care about logic#And all I can see is that I apparently failed at something I thought I was doing well on#So yeah#Today kind of sucks
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I SWEAR I KEEP TRYING TO DO ART BUT THEN SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY AND THEN I PROCRASTINATE AND THEN SIX MONTHS PASS
#this has been happening for like TWO YEARS BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM TRYING.#my usual art motivation (my webcomic idea) has been put on hold for a bit and because of that i forgort... everything#my will to draw specifically#but in my defense i have been writing k*arlach / oc indulgences and i've been VERY focused on finishing it#i also got a marketing manager (my friend <3) to help with advertising my comms and stuff so uh... look forward 2 that#i might need to start posting all of my art on a sideblog so she doesn't have to log into my main though#so there might be some changes#but i promise i want to do art!!!! but there's always something to do first and then months pass :(#or i get the urge to draw and then life is like ''have a cancer scare'' lmao...#(ended up being cancerous actually </3 but because it's skin stuff it was easy to remove)#(but that really took the piss out of me for most of july... not to mention that ffxiv released a new expansion and i have been...#having a good time with my new friends doing content and stuff!) i also made a friend irl after like 3-4 years of total isolation#we feed ants and watch them move around together and comment on their behaviour patterns...#but like when i say this takes literal hours.#we just sit out there and talk about random shit and watch ants walk across the floor. both of us hate ants btw.#like we don't like having them ON us so it's a bit like playing with fire.#but anyways yeah i've also been really low energy recently too bc of the heat and burnout from college...#but the good news is that i'm transferring in fall to a much more relaxing college & courseload!#i'm hoping it'll stop me from feeling so... awful ?? i guess ??#like i was taking classes i didn't need to that were really difficult & punishing#not to mention extremely boring & hard to pay attention to when dealing with literally anything. i did not want to be there.#my next college is much more interest-oriented so i will finally be able to take classes i want to and learn from them...!#and then maybe i will feel a bit more in control of my life / more encouraged to draw#anyways thank u for reading my ramble. hoping it all comes together soon.#i need to do a lot of work but most of it is so i can sell commissions again#but once the karlach fic is done we're so back on the webcomic train !!!!!!!!
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TW: suggestive & profanity
ignore this if u can pls/srs
Bubble you can't say that-
(I died inside drawing this)
He literally just did the stolas thing lol
youtube
also caine is blowing bubbles, get it? blowing- okay I'll stop
#IM SO SORRY#I DO NOT USUALLY MAKE THINGS OF THIS NATURE#THIS IS THE MOST SUGGESTIVE IT'LL GETS I PROMISE#MY BLOG IS SUPPOSED TO BE SFW#B-BUT THE OPPORTUNITY IS TOO GOOD TO PASS UP#tadc bubble#the amazing digital circus#tadc fanart#tw suggestive#I'm just pointing out the obvious alr#wait don't take me to court-#stolas goetia#stolas helluva boss#just putting it here because of the reference#I'm gonna regret posting this ain't I?#how to ruin your reputation in 5 seconds
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oh btw sorry i haven't been able to get to everybody's asks on this blog lol, i have been Quite Tired lately & preserving my answering-questions energy for the blog dedicated to that for the time being
#trousled rambles#when i answered a couple the other day i unexpectedly got wayyy more tired lmao. idk if it was bc of that but i aint risking it!!!!#i'll catch up when its over i promise :> i will never pass up the opportunity to go a little apeshit#in fact i kinda plan on doing a lil compilation post of all the smaller things i intentionally put into the event that arent so obvious#Because There Have Been A Lot#but yeahhh i am having to hold myself back very very much in order to not fall flat so it'll be a min!!
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" now i figure i'm outgunned in this town, but i got some craft of my own, you understand. "
p.edro p.ascal as l.ee s.coresby 5 / ???
#*113. so many worlds and connecting them all is dust // alt visage.#edits tag#{don't mind me feeding the hyperfixation}#{it'll pass i promise}
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checked in for my flight tomorrow and i am hissing biting tearing @ the fact that they dont have a gate assigned for my flight yet
i know the general area since i know the airline im flying with but i DONT. LIKE. not being able to plan ahead.
#speculation nation#if they dont send me an email announcement i guess im gonna have to just look at the fancy tvs when i get there#i'll get back home someway or another. even if im grumpy about it#OH THO since i got so seriously anxious being in the isle seat for my flight here (bc being surrounded by that many people set off my#anxiety about being in crowds SO fucking badly)#i was legit considering forking over $31 just so i wouldnt have to experience that again (also bc i wanted to have a window seat to see#outside with better. bc i wanna take pics in the air this time)#BUT! it automatically assigned me a window seat. in the waaaay back unfortunately. but still a window seat#so i will hopefully not nearly have an anxious breakdown bc of being surrounded on all sides by people#no promises about my anxiety relative to general airport things! but at least i wont have to deal with the being surrounded.#plus! window seat! that'll be nice#i dont get claustrophobic in the sense of small spaces scaring me. i rather like hunkering down in a little corner.#i just dont wanna be absolutely surrounded by people like that again haha. ha..#gonna have to wake up way too early tomorrow to get to my flight in time. and then im gonna lose two hours :/#on top of the time on the plane. but it's ok fire emblem worked very well for making the plane ride pass quickly#so i imagine it'll be the same for this one. MAN plane ride is so much nicer on my nausea than car rides. love that for me
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Good news, I am just over halfway through the ginasfs fic
#keefitz#ginasfs keefitz#<- that's the tag now#it's the aro keefe fic for anyone confused and it's sooo full of angst and i promise it'll be done asap#last year i said i'd finish it before december. and i stand by that!#i will finish it before december this year!#shit it's already march passing of time my beloathed
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Something something self portrait last night ^^;
#sepia scribbles!!#it's easier to start with the eyes always; the face. It's how we 'see' ourself#Trying to put this face on a humanoid body didn't fit in a way that's hard to describe ^^; Not just that the hair felt wrong /t#We're... rlly exhausted rn ngl ^^; I tried to give us energy; I promise! But the body and brain just isn't working with it/me 😔#Trying to dress up felt wrong too... but it's okay! It'll get better ÓwÒ#Btw couldnt decide between those colors; but this isn't the first time we've felt connected to that color palette for some reason#I remember once while tryna sleep; we saw visualizations of a sidewalk sorta. a city! ^^#And as we walked as one person; smth happened. Maybe a random passing thought of wanting to know what we looked like?#Suddenly a mirror kinda just. Appeared. Presumably from up through the sidewalk :3#We saw a very fluffy furry ^^ I was pretty sure it was a doggo of some sort; very cotton candy colors! Somewhere we have a sketch?#idr if we brought it with us from home though ^^;; if we ever find it maybe we'll share :3#It unfortunately won't be fully accurate to what we saw because it was only once 😔
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#sudden lowkey vent post 'cause i saw that shit just right now#imagine like. you're the person who goes and tells their “best friend” that they are simple entertainment for you.#that you're sick of their noise (your friend is going through bad times and it's HARD on them and yk it)#they shut up. time passes#and even after all the distancing. you come to that “friend”#and start your shit. and then complaining how unresponsive they are#bro. you don't even tell me what's the deal. you just dropped the fact and blamed me for the simple polite-but-not-deep response#why should i fucking care? so many times you pissed me off and now what? i should care about person who doesn't mind#shutting up their “best friend” in that manner?#omfg it was always like this. when it's yours problems and triggers it's serious and you're dying drinking blah blah blah#and when it's mine it's not that bad/cope/it isn't serious/just ignore that or advices of which i didn't ask#never asked#they doesn't even work. have you tried them before saying at the first place?#when all you want is a simple “it'll get better i promise” and you don't get it even when you fucking ask. directly. humiliating isn't it?#four years of eating shit. i guess i'm done. sometimes it's better to be alone than to be w someone like this#still haven't got enough strength to say a direct bye to this moron tho. well i hole i'll find it soon#*i HOPE it's HOPE oh god i think i should get some sleep
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Btw here's the updated playlist! Currently listening to it and getting stuff ready to record later.
#spicy rambles#songs to fuck to#there's less buttrock I promise#also shorter but I have a feeling it'll grow as time passes#spicy rambles in tags#Spotify
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I know it's useless to get mad at the dog, she's just a hyperactive little thing who doesn't know how to behave yet. She's left home alone for at least 6 hours every day and she's bored, I can't blame her for tearing apart her training pads or shitting all over the place. Even if I did, she must have done it hours ago, dogs don't get that actions that happened so long ago have consequences and all me yelling at her will result in is her being scared of me. I know all that, I do
So WHY am I still so angry at her?? Why does it feel satisfying to lash out and see her scurry away??? She doesn't deserve to be treated like that, she doesn't know any better. And I don't know how to teach her to know better, I don't have the patience for it. She deserves better than me
#I just feel so.. impossibly helpless#here's this tiny creature that depends on me for eveything. that I asked for. that I wanted. and I can't even take care of her properly#I struggle cleaning up after myself. let alone a dog. and I really hate having to handle her shit#I know it's a matter of time. a matter of training#eventually I'll be able to take her on walks and all this won't be an issue anymore#but it is now and I cannot control how much it's pissing me off#if I wasn't alone it would be easier. but I am. so everything falls on me#I'm trying my best and it's just not enough#and my mom will be mad at me because I didn't walk her today even though I promised I would bc it's the last warm day we're supposed to have#but what am I supposed to do if she won't let me take her outside?? she's okay with her harness but the leash scares her#she just stands there hunched over and refuses to move. and cries#I can't force her. I don't want walks to be something she's scared of#but mom is annoyed that getting her used to being leashed takes so long. she insists that forcing her outside is the best course of action#and I can't even tell if she's right or not. I just want my honeybun to be happy and not scared#I feel like crying. I've been barely holding back for the last hour#it's just so so much#it'll pass and settle. I know it will. but I'm just exhausted#now I'll have to admit to everyone that I wasn't able to walk her again...#and that I don't know what to do with her#I don't regret asking for her. I really don't. I've wanted a dog for years#but maybe the timing of exam year + beginning of the colder months wasn't the greatest#and I started my period the day she arrived. so that.. just adds to the emotional instability#I'll get over it. I'll handle everything in time. I just.. wish I had someone to support me#or at least someone who wouldn't tell me 'well what did you expect? owning a dog is hard work. you can't just play all the time.#maybe you should have thought about that responsibility more' I KNOW. I HAVE. I JUST.. have my moments of frustration#that I wish I could express without everyone. including my own mind. telling me I'm a terrible pet owner#that's all#I adore my dog and I would never hurt her or subject her to any harm#but I'm also human and very mentally ill at that. I'm not perfect but I'm not bad. and she deserves better than that#but we're stuck with each other now. I could never give her up. I'm attached already. so... we'll make it work. one way or another. I swear
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i am afraid i am tired. i'll try to queue up a few things but i'll probably be sending my ass to bed shortly. it's almost 2am and i'm still on the high of seeing baby Luke. he just brings me so much joy in general and i was really happy with the ending of Kenobi. :]
#* this is my unfinished symphony // ooc.#im an eepy guy but i'm gonna try to do a few things before i pass out#no promises that it'll be much
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we're in the sads today lads
#depression#personal#whyyyy#i can't think of how i usually tag these lol#its a meh and#like sad but also nothing??#weird#apathy and sad#like sad about myself#just like bottom dysphoria#bit lonely#sad about being single#but its okay#i know it'll pass#i think i've just gotta let myself be sad today#which is annoying#because today was meant to be a productive day#its okay#i'll be fine#i just need a bit of time#it'll pass#i promise it'll pass#personal post
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