#{{ and the story has so much potential too!! And the potential to be a tragedy... in a good way of course. I hope hoyo goes for a more }}
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Fontaine hype â REAL!
#ă out of cryo ă#{{ Would you believe me if I told you I got literal shivers during the hoyomix concert bit? }}#{{ I am worried about a few mechanics they introduced but overall? so so SO HYPED! }}#{{ I'm ready for Fontaine to become my second home; after Mond }}#{{ and the story has so much potential too!! And the potential to be a tragedy... in a good way of course. I hope hoyo goes for a more }}#{{ vivid experience. in which actions really have consequences. I've been missing that sort of realism/darkness for a while }}#{{ if you've read so far ---- I'm gonna talk about spoilers now so ~ }}#{{ but my boy C H I L D E..... HELLO??? }}#{{ visionless and ready to challenge the system and neuvillette? I stan the right man }}#{{ he single-handedly STOLE the show sorry guys wwwww }}#{{ aaaa fontaine's over all aesthetic is making me go heart eyes }}#spoilers
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hi! heard the released âMerry Christmas, Please Donât Callâ (which iâve seen youâve heard live, if iâm not mistaken!!) this morning and i donât know if thereâs really a particular vibe/dynamic/ship hrpf-wise (personally havenât yet been able to put my finger on it) that quite relates but the lyrics have been rotating in my head all day and i was wondering if you had any thoughts? hope you have a good one! <3
OH ANON HAVE I EVER SEEN IT LIVE!!! and the second that song came out i zoomed it straight into my fic playlist and unfortunately there are so many guys this could be. right now the one that's resonating is, of course, the golden boy and his haunted ghost themselves: mcstrome.
i am thinking about connor, specifically, after the stanley cup final. that game seven. how angry he was, how loud the silence when they told him he won the conn smythe. how close he's come before and again and again lost. there's nobody else to blame but himself. he's in the empty room and he knows why (1)
at!! your best!!! you were magic!!! oh, golden boy. connor the anointed, of course. at the very beginning of his career we always knew he was something special and who wouldn't have fallen in love with him? weren't all of us a little bit dylan strome in awe of the generational talent? we were all bathed in radiant light just by being in the vicinity (2)
don't even tell 'em that you know me breaks my heart (3). in terms of building a narrative i think i've said before there is a universe where connor/dylan were together before the draft and to protect both of them, dylan breaks up with him. connor says i love you and dylan says i don't. because he doesn't, you know? he loved connor. he loved davo. he can't be in love with connor mcdavid, first overall pick of the edmonton oilers. i'd rather be hurt forever than have to watch us try to make this work and destroy us.
and after connor mcdavid left the otters, dylan strome captained them to a memorial cup win. what a haunted home, eh? to be captain of the team you and your best friend were on, only now he's left you? don't call me to tell me about your rookie season with the oilers--we both know about your broken collarbone. don't call me to tell about becoming the youngest captain in franchise history when i stepped into the shoes of your captaincy here. don't call me. (4)
narratively: dylan's the one who broke connor's heart and his own but by god it wasn't easy. we both know what happened, you went first overall. please don't make this harder on me. please don't call.
this verse can be about the weight of dylan having to live up to connor's standards and always being measured by him. i would just like to bring up the connor stepping stone chart for absolutely no reason as well (5)
we are, at long last, at the potential future of now: dylan strome, happy, smiling, thriving on the washington capitals. connor, on the oilers. i'm not yours, dylan can say. haven't been for a long time. it took some time but i made this. please don't call and ruin this for me, stay out of my life. i don't want you or need you (6)
[p.s. this took a while because when i received this ask i was a) immediately possessed to write this verse by verse breakdown i had never thought of before and then b) immediately plagued by the idea of making you a little graphic (above the read more) and finally got to do it after banging out all the actual lyric thoughts two (?) weeks ago. emerging two and a half hours later from the fugue state of GIMP with 37 layers in this bad boy hope you enjoy!!!]
#not me being like did i tell y'all about seeing bleachers? and then just proceeded to take it at face value like yeah i probably did#do i remember when or in what context absolutely not. maybe re: popstar jack? also very possible i was just. yapping.#anyway we're gonna put tag footnotes for other potential pairings &dynamics because otherwise this post looks frankly. unhinged. which it i#(1) because i am nothing if not a parody of myself i would like to provide an honorable mention to the death of the goon in this lyric.#when does time stop? when is it just you & your anger? who's the person you've divorced yourself from because you couldn't catch their fist#in case it was not clear this is also incredibly a trade narrative. did we pick that up? this is lovers to enemies. this is we were not goo#for each other and i don't regret that. parise suter fans rise up. the speaker in this case is the minnesota wild org.#(2) there is a note of nostalgia and longing here--when you were magic. i remember when you were a giant to me. i remember the hope#and possibilities. rip to sidney crosby the next one and golden boy of this generation but this is sung like a rookie to the vet they once#idolized. i was sold and maybe i shouldn't have bought it. maybe you tarnished over time. or in a softer light it is a comfort not a#criticism i bought tickets to the show. at your best you really were something and you made me believe i could be magic too. SORRY. dylan.#sorry. he'll come up again later. but every team has a golden boy don't they? do we know the cathal kelly bedard article where he talks abt#eating your prospects alive by building a narrative they can never live up to & promising them every year so that when they can it's a shoc#(3) three line devastation here my god. don't pretend you were kind golden boy! don't you dare tell anyone what you told me because then#they'd know too. the âcoming outâ narrative of it is discussed but while i don't love this it's the easiest example i have: jamie & trevor#have we heard jamie talk about trevor in a single interview? sometimes after a guy you loved gets traded you don't want the reminder.#it's even worse if he chooses to leave. claude giroux hater-era au arc where we don't talk about him. jt leaving the islanders dead to them#(4) while not a trade the other draft narrative we grew up together to enemies is of course zach and dylan. zach roaming around ann arbor#please also apply to subsequent usntdp team 100/101/102 narratives. alex turcotte i'm sorry they never speak your name you will hurt foreve#(5) to counter the rookie to the vet narrative of the golden boy this is fairly explicitly To Me a vet about his rookie who's supposed to b#the promised one the one who'll save them all. dallas is coming to mind here but not for any real reason. nail yakupov are you there.#taylor hall curse of the 1OA. pretty common also for guys to take in a kid when you're barely 26 yourself & haven't got ur shit figured out#so. dealing with a neurotic driven kid? yeah this is somebody who had a golden boy &fell out of favor. got traded. ty smith j'accuse style#(6) or in another story please don't call because i'll come right back#goodnight chicago the playoff handshake line. please don't call me. please don't call me.#HELLO BESTIE!!!! i think this is a wonderful song for Fic Purposes and could be applied well to SO many different narratives. i picked a#specific example but do feel the dynamic is very much what the song says: toxic ex and/or family/friend you don't need in your life. trades#seguin leaving boston etc etc. there IS an answer eluding me besides mcstrome though. not toxic enough. tk pat trade? OH TK PAT. or older#trade deadline tragedy
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Cherry Red, Crimson Blood
Chapter 31: Forced Proximity
Summary: John and Kyle are gone. You have no choice but to lean on the alpha you've betrayed, the alpha that hates you.
Pairing: Poly 141 x reader
Word Count: 11,071 words
Warnings: ANGST, Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alternate Universe, a/b/o typical classism and sexism, language, anxiety, reader has a panic attack and several breakdowns, Simon being mean, ANGST, depression, lots of mentions of vomiting and the reader does get sick quite a bit though it's not descriptive in any way, ANGST, heat cycles, pseudoscience, medical stuff (that's probably very wrong), brief mention of needles, medical procedures (nothing very detailed), ANGST, very heavy emotionally again, some very light fluff like barely there but nothing compared to the ANGST
A/N: I did it. I finally got it up. It's uh...it's a heavy one again, I'll tell you that much. You'll hate me even more but oh well. I expected that through this part of the story. I'm so evil I know.
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âI don't like this. It's too...â
âConvenient?â
âSuspicious.â
âI know. But we don't have much of a choice in this.â John says, staring at Simon and Johnny. âYou keep your eyes on her at all times. Stay in the barracks when you can. If you have to leave the barracks together, she goes with you.â
âWe won't let her out of our sight.â Simon says. âIf anything happens, Kate will be the first to know.â
âGood.â John says. He trusts the two of them to look after you. Yet he can't deny the timing of this is a bit suspicious. âWe'll be back as soon as we can. Take good care of our girl.â
Two weeks.Â
Itâs been two weeks since John and Kyle left.Â
Despite the fact itâs not the longest someone has been gone, it doesnât ease the ache in your chest, the pain slowly carving its way into your very soul. You havenât spoken to them. Thereâs been no word. Nothing. It could be a good thing. Sometimes no news is good news, and you suppose itâs better than a phone call saying theyâve died in some horrible accident.Â
You keep waiting for that phone call.Â
Every time Johnny or Simonâs phone rings, you begin to panic, fear eating away at that hole in your chest. Itâs bad news, itâs Kate calling to tell them your alpha and beta arenât coming home.Â
Youâve hardly been able to relax, tense and jumpy at the littlest things. Being enclosed in the barracks at all times isnât helping. You havenât left once, not even to the med center. Dr. Keller has been coming to the barracks, more than she normally would for your appointments. You wonder if it was Johnnyâs doing to try and help you relax, or Simonâs doing in hope you stop stinking up the barracks with the sour scent of nerves and fear.Â
Simon has been distant still, avoiding you as much as he can. Itâs impossible to avoid you completely, though, as Johnny canât watch you 24/7. Itâs a bit claustrophobic, the way they hover, always keeping one eye on you. Itâs been a bit suffocating for the last three weeks, but with John and Kyle gone...itâs almost worse.Â
Johnny has tried to fill that void, tried to support you in any way he can, but it hasnât worked. You know itâs Johnny, you love Johnny, yet not even he can fill the void that has become your life without your alpha.Â
You hate it.Â
You hate their job, you hate that it takes them from you. You hate the uncertainty, the constant fear and worry that makes you sick. You hate that itâs dragged you into it. You know they were digging for the perpetrator of the cameras, who put them up, who ordered them to be put up, who potentially wanted to look into your personal life in such a violating way. The sudden deployment feels too suspicious, too sudden to be coincidence.Â
But as John says, entertaining conspiracies wonât get you anywhere.Â
Still...it smells fishy to you.Â
The hole in your chest has left you in a constant state of uneasiness which has left you on the verge of tears constantly. Every day that passes without word of a tragedy or that theyâre coming home makes your stomach churn, tears constantly brimming in your eyes. Johnâs shirt is constantly in your grasp, a dirty one youâd fished out of the bottom of his laundry basket, soaked in his scent. Itâs beginning to fade, slowly eroding away until there wonât be anything left. Then youâll grab another and another until you have none left. His room still smells like him, his pillows still fresh with his scent.Â
You know it will fade, though, and fade fast.Â
Youâve been avoiding spending too much time in his room and Kyleâs in favor of keeping their scents in there as long as possible. The fading of their scents is like an omen, marking a fading of their presence in your life, of the bond between you. The constant fear that youâll forget them, what they sound like, what they smell like, what they look like.Â
It makes you physically ill.Â
That painful churning in your stomach is back as you sit on the couch in the rec room, curled up as far from Simon as you can get. Simon is still angry at you, at your betrayal of his trust. So much progress down the drain because you proved youâre not trustworthy after he trusted you enough to begin opening up. You still hate yourself for it, for keeping the secret for that long. Even a month would have been better and would have had less consequences for everyone. Maybe then you might have caught the camera in the bear sooner, and not been so violated during some of your most private moments.Â
Some of those moments with Simon.Â
How violated does he feel, having such vulnerable moments between you recorded and viewed by someone out there? You canât help but think back to that night when he came back, and the morning after. Someone watched you. The bear had been right there, those black beady eyes staring right at the two of you. How many times had you fucked the others in your bed, the bear sitting there, watching, projecting those moments to whoever was on the other side.Â
Your heat.Â
The bear hadnât been looking then, but it had been listening. It knows what happened, every last detail, every slam of the bed against the wall, every knot.Â
It makes you sick.Â
Your stomach churns, your arms wrapping around your middle as you let out a shaky breath. Youâre going to puke again, the bile rising in your throat. The intense tingling in your hands is starting again, your fingers curling in as your extremities begin to go numb. Youâre panicking again.Â
Instead of vomit, a choked sob leaves your lips, your tears hot and burning on your cheeks, stinging like theyâre composed of acid.Â
Simon glances up from his phone, his face the mask of indifference that it has been for three weeks. A mask that he had worn for the first few months after your arrival. âWhat?â He asks, his tone flat and voice rough.Â
You canât answer him, too busy hyperventilating and sobbing where you sit. You canât even think if you wanted to, your body aching as your muscles begin to tighten. You canât distress. Youâve been fighting the urge since the day the truth came out.Â
You canât trust Simon to help you.Â
Youâre not even sure he knows how to.Â
Of course, it would be easy to call Dr. Keller, get her to help him, but youâre not sure heâd want to. Could he be so angry and betrayed heâd just stand there and watch you distress yourself to death?Â
He wouldnât. Heâd have to explain himself to John, why he let it happen. It would tear the pack apart. It would tear them apart. You wouldnât put it past John to try and rip Simonâs throat out with his teeth in anger. It would be a bigger betrayal than yours, and Simon wouldnât let you lose your spot at the top of that list.Â
âFuck.â Simon breathes, setting his phone down before moving in front of you. He lowers himself onto one knee, reaching for your arms. If you had been more aware you might have flinched away, but the lack of oxygen to your brain is making everything fuzzy.Â
Simon grips your elbows, tugging you forward gently. Your legs are forced off the edge of the couch, your body upright as Simon holds your arms in his grasp, your legs between his as he kneels in front of you. You stare down at him, the sudden change in position shocking you for a moment. You choke around another sob, eyes blurry as you try to look at him.Â
âI need you to breathe.â He says, squeezing your arms gently.Â
You canât.Â
Your breaths are sobs, wracking your body, tearing at your lungs. Your chest hurts, aching and burning as you quickly begin spiraling out of control.Â
âLook at me.â He says, shifting his hold to your wrists, taking them into one hand before he grabs your chin with the other. He keeps your head still, locked on his face. His eyes are blurry to your own teary ones as you look right at him, looking through the mass of blurry black that surrounds him. âBreathe.â He says, his voice rougher than normal, rumbling with the command of his alpha around the edges.Â
It goes straight to your head, a shiver running down your spine. Your body shudders in response, your next sob catching painfully in your throat. You cough, lungs spasming as your body suddenly begins to follow his order automatically. Simon lets you go as you attempt to gain control over your out of control body. One part of your brain is still panicking, still pushing towards distress while the other fights to follow the alphaâs command. Itâs a battle, your instincts at war with each other.Â
The next inhale is a gasp, inhaling until your breath stutters and your lungs ache. You let it out slowly, the flood of oxygen making you shake in Simonâs hold. He keeps his hand around your wrists until your inhales stop stuttering and your muscles start to relax.Â
He slowly releases you, pushing himself up to sit on the coffee table. Youâre surprised it can hold so much weight after itâs been sat on so many times. Not even a creak as Simon lowers himself onto it.Â
He rests his elbows on his knees as he stares at you. His figure begins to get clearer as your tears slow, no longer blurring your vision. You're expecting the sharp sting of his harsh gaze, or worse the indifference you've grown used to over the last three weeks.Â
Instead there's a soft look in his eyes. Not soft as you would describe Johnny's, but soft compared to what it has been. Pity, you think.Â
âYou're a fucking mess.â He finally says.Â
You laugh. You can't help it. The deadpan delivery of such a him statement in response to everything has a laugh escaping your lips. You wipe your eyes, sniffling. He hates it, hearing your sniffles. It annoys him when you cry, it always has.Â
You push yourself back onto the couch, pulling your knees up again as you stare at him. There's a slight tremble to your fingers still as you sit there in silence for a moment.Â
âI'm sorry.â You say, still looking at him. âIf I had just said something sooner...â You swallow thickly as you stumble over your words. âNone of us would have...the camera would have been found sooner...we wouldn't have...both of us...â
âYou shouldn't apologize if you don't even know what to say.â He says, the softness in his gaze hardening again.Â
âIt's not that it's just...â You take a breath, trying to straighten out your thoughts. âI feel so guilty. This is all my fault and if I had just said something sooner, none of this would have happened. What happens next is my fault too. I know you and John have been digging into who is behind it and I know how risky that is. They know that we all know now, and...I'm scared of what might happen.â
You let out a long breath at your confession and attempt at an apology, squeezing your fingers together as they begin to tremble even more. You want to look away, his gaze piercing into you again. You're reminded of the moment the words had fallen from your lips that had caused this in the first place. Your heart begins thumping in your chest, your breathing picking up slightly at the memory. Will he get angry again? Will he snap at you and drag you down the hall to lock you in your room until John and Kyle get back, or Johnny calms him enough to rescue you?
âI feel so violated.â Your voice shakes. âI can't even imagine what it's been like for you. It took us so long to get to that point and...â You swallow the bile trying to rise in your throat. âI'm so sorry.â Tears blur your vision again. âI didn't know...I didn't think...I was so stupid.â
He scoffs. âYou are.â His words are sharp, and they sting as they slice through you. âFucking stupid, I'd say.â You wince at his words. âBut youâre inexperienced. You donât think about things like we do. No matter how much everyone has tried to drill it into your head, youâll never truly understand until you experience it yourself.â He holds your gaze for a moment. âI hope you never have to.âÂ
You stare at him, the meaning of his words not lost on you. Youâve put yourself in danger, youâve put all of them in danger by keeping this all a secret. Whoever put those cameras up knew you were keeping it a secret and hadnât done anything in retaliation against you for finding them and destroying them. Maybe that was their plan all along. They knew youâd keep it a secret and use that to their advantage. Strike when they least expected it, or perhaps wait for the moment the truth inevitably came out and then strike.Â
The thought has a cold chill running down your spine.Â
Youâre afraid for a different reason now.Â
John and Kyle are gone. Anything could happen to them and it wouldnât look suspicious. Or whoever put those cameras up wanted everyone split up. Attack when thereâs less knights defending the castle.Â
A shiver runs through you, making you curl in on yourself. The feeling of being watched is back. The darkness peeking out from around the blinds over the rec room windows suddenly feels very threatening.Â
âWhatâs goinâ on in here?âÂ
A startled yelp leaves your lips as you whip around to face Johnny where heâs leaning against the door to the rec room. Simonâs body tenses in response to your fearful yelp, an unconscious motion he has no control over. Alphas will always have the drive to protect the omegas in their pack. Itâs a natural protective mechanism, no matter how they may be feeling about said omega.Â
Simonâs body relaxes as you do, putting a hand over your heart to try and calm yourself down again.Â
âJumpy this eveninâ.â Johnny says, entering the rec room. He steps up to the couch, bending down to rest his hands on the arm next to you. âDidnae mean to scare ye.â He says softly. âReady tae get to bed?âÂ
You nod. âYeah. I am.âÂ
âCome on.â He holds out his hand and you take it, letting him help you up off the couch. âWeâre usinâ yer shower, Si.â He says.Â
Simon rolls his eyes. âCourse.âÂ
âSimon?â You say before Johnny can pull you from the rec room. The alpha turns to look at you. âI am sorry.âÂ
He stares at you for a long, tense moment. âI know.âÂ
Johnny leads you down the hallway, his hand on your lower back. Heâs gotten touchy again, letting his hand rest lower and lower on your back, brushing your breasts as he pulls the covers up around you at night. He refuses to let you shower without sitting on the toilet lid. You know the chances of Simon opening up like that again are slim, if at all. Youâve ruined that opportunity, and youâll have to be satisfied with where he draws that line permanently.Â
âHave a good conversation?â Johnny asks.Â
You nod. âHe called me âfucking stupidâ.âÂ
Johnny nearly chokes for a second, covering his mouth to hide a laugh. âHeâs certainly not a man of eloquence.âÂ
You shrug. âI mean, I donât exactly disagree with him.âÂ
Johnny leads you into Simonâs room, steering you to the bathroom. Your stuff is already inside from the unanimous decision to solely use Simonâs bathroom for ease and also safety.Â
Your towel is neatly on the rack next to Simonâs and Johnnyâs, all folded the same way and hung evenly apart. Your soap and shampoo are neatly placed next to his, along with your toothbrush and other products on the sink. Always so neat and organized, despite his anger at you.Â
Canât break his system even after you break his trust.Â
You pull your shirt over your head after starting the water, letting it get warm. Johnny stands behind you in the doorway, and you know heâs watching. You strip your shorts and underwear off, Johnny grunting quietly as you bend over to add them to your pile of dirty clothes. Youâve been tempted to leave them on the floor for the past two weeks just to peeve, but youâve riled Simon up enough. With your luck heâd just toss them in the trash.Â
The water is hot as it pelts your skin, your shoulders relaxing as it begins to loosen the stress of the day. The emptiness in your chest continues to eat away at you, never disappearing despite what happens. Your stomach churns, the nausea returning. You stand under the spray, letting the water pour over your head as you attempt to calm the continuous twisting in your abdomen.Â
The shower door slides open, another body joining you before it slides closed. Warm skin presses against your back as arms slip around you, pulling you out from directly under the spray. You rest back against Johnnyâs chest as he leans his cheek against the top of your head.Â
âI miss them.â You say quietly, just audible over the shower.Â
âI know.â Johnny says, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.Â
âWhen will they be back?â You ask him, even though you know he canât tell you.Â
âHard tae say.â He says, grabbing your strawberry scented soap from next to Simonâs. Heâs just been using Simonâs soap, something you probably assume he does often anyway. âKate will update us as soon as thereâs a possible ETA.âÂ
âI donât know how much longer I can take.â You say as he begins to wash your back.Â
âI know.â He says, gently massaging the knots in your back, trying to help you relax. âI wish I could get them home faster. I wish it had been us instead of them for your sake.âÂ
His words make you feel guilty, but you both know itâs not anyoneâs fault. John is your alpha, you belong to him, you were claimed by him. Youâll always hurt more about your alpha and betaâs absence than the other members of your pack can comfort you. If Simon had claimed you, things would have been different. The ache in your chest would have been less intense as you would still have an alpha you could lean on.Â
Youâd always miss John, but if you had Simon, the black hole slowly devouring you would have slowed its progress.Â
Four weeks.Â
A month.Â
It's been a month since John and Kyle left. The familiar hole in your chest has widened, a gaping black hole now threatening to swallow you and string you out until youâre nothing but particles lost in its center. Itâs worse than the hole Simon left when he went on his solo deployment, itâs worse than the hole they all left when they went on their first mission. Neither of those previous deployments lasted this long, and despite Johnny's attempts to console you, you donât feel any better.Â
Thereâs been no contact.Â
A month with no contact, a month with no word. You'd know if something had happened. Even if you got no word on it, you would know. That sense that omegas have when something happens to the bond would be screaming.Â
It's been a rough four weeks.
Thereâs a heaviness thatâs started to permeate the air as you try to adjust to the prolonged absence of your alpha. Itâs nearly every day that youâre breaking down now, standing in Johnâs room to catch any whiff of him thatâs left. Youâve worn the scent off his bed, his pillows, his clothes. Youâve run out of shirts that smell like him.Â
Youâre terrified they might fade from your memory entirely. Kyleâs scent had disappeared quicker, fading fast until you were left unable to even picture the sea. The beach is a blurry, distant memory, the smell of the salty air faded and wiped away.Â
Still you cling to their shirts, as if you can hold them through the fabric. You carry them everywhere, packing them from room to room as you float around in a daze.Â
Youâve left the barracks once in four weeks for a training session that neither of them could miss. Youâd gotten looks as you sat there, the sole audience member, but you're not quite sure what had happened or even what the training was far. You had been far away, lost in your own head, the haze of depression and grief numbing you to everything.Â
Dr. Keller continues to visit you in the barracks, still more than you normally would see her. You miss her office, the soft warmth of it, the plants and the colors lacking from the sterilized prison that is the barracks. It has become like a prison. Youâre trapped inside, unable to even wander around alone. You feel like the princess locked in her tower under the watchful eye of the guards keeping her trapped inside. You need someone to come and rescue you, someone to set you free so you can at least wander the tower alone.Â
You want your alpha.Â
You miss John and Kyle desperately, their absence chewing away at your insides. The hole in your chest continues to widen as the days pass, consuming more and more of you as you slip deeper and deeper into the black hole of depression. Johnny is being affected too, sucked in by the gravitational pull of the black hole you have become. Even Simon is starting to feel it, softening a bit more towards you. Heâd even let your hands brush a couple of times when heâs escorted you places, and he didnât yank them away like you might pass some disease onto him.Â
You wouldnât necessarily call him affectionate, even before all of this, but this is the first glimpse youâve gotten of him being back to where the two of you were before you fucked everything up. You know itâs not going to happen overnight. It might never get back to what it was. He might simply be acting out of sympathy, and out of necessity because of your pain and grief being channeled through the pack bonds. Sometimes you wonder if John and Kyle can feel it too from wherever they are in the world.Â
You miss them so much it hurts.Â
The tears slip down your cheeks as you sit on the couch in the rec room. Johnny is off taking his turn to work out. Itâs early, the sky still grey outside, the perfect epitome of how you feel inside. Simon is seated in his usual spot, book in hand. Your own that he had grabbed is still on the coffee table. Youâre staring at it, tears gliding down your cheeks as you hold your knees against your chest. Itâs become almost a normal occurrence, the tears, the blank staring, the lack of desire to do anything, even the position youâre seated in.
Simon glances up at you as you sniffle again, lowering his book slightly. âWhat?â His tone isn't annoyed per se, but you know he has to be tired of your constant blubbering.Â
âTell me theyâll be alright.â You say, your voice shaking.Â
âYou know I canât-â He starts, but you cut him off.Â
âI need you to tell me.â You sob, your gaze lifting to the black screen of the TV. âI canât take it. I canât do this.âÂ
He lets out a sigh, closing his book. You jump as the couch sinks down on your left, Simon taking a seat next to you. The flinch is subconscious as he reaches over to grip your chin and turn your face to look at him. Your tears slide down your cheeks, wetting his fingers.Â
âTheyâll be alright.â He says, eyes hard as he looks at you. Heâs lying but you need to hear it. âTheyâve been gone for far longer than this before. Trust Price knows what heâs doing. Heâs going to do everything in his power to come back. Weâll know if something happens. Laswell will let us know.âÂ
You know that, you know all of it. Yet it does little to calm the pain in your chest. âI miss them.â You sob, Simonâs eyes softening as you continue to cry. âMy stomach hurts.âÂ
Youâve been nauseous since the day the truth came out almost five weeks ago. The nausea has been churning in your stomach, making you constantly on the edge of vomiting. Itâs the stress, the combination of the truth coming out and your alpha being gone. Youâve been choking food down, eating only out of necessity.Â
Simon lets out a sigh, releasing your chin to wrap an arm around you. His other hand drops to rest on your stomach. Itâs warm through the fabric of your shirt, applying gentle pressure. He smells like alpha, different from John, but still an alpha. The tears continue to fall as he holds you, your body slowly leaning closer and closer to him. He doesnât complain, doesnât even try to push you away as you fall against his side.Â
Your stomach is churning, gnawing. Itâs not an unusual feeling. Itâs felt this way for the last few weeks. Itâs never woken you up before, though. You blink in the darkness of Johnnyâs room, his arm still thrown over you. The gnawing continues to intensify as you continue to be pulled from your semi-peaceful sleep, becoming more and more aware.Â
Youâre hungry.Â
You slowly unravel yourself from Johnnyâs snake-like hold, ready to slip into the rec room to peruse your snack stash. Instead youâre pulled back onto the bed by the arm that slips around your waist.Â
âWhere ye goinâ?â Johnny rasps, still half asleep.Â
âIâm hungry.â You whisper.Â
He lets out a groan, letting go of you to rub a hand over his face. âGive me a minute.âÂ
You rise from the bed as he stretches, slowly sitting up as he draws himself from sleep. Itâs just past one in the morning, neither of you having been asleep for long. You feel wide awake as the gnawing in your stomach continues to intensify. You rock back and forth on your feet, debating just going and letting him catch up. Itâll force him to wake up faster, and ease the gnawing hunger threatening to turn you inside out.Â
Finally Johnny rises from the bed, stretching again as you impatiently open the door. He pads behind you to the rec room, watching as you dig out a bag of chips. He leans against the back of the couch as you stand there, devouring the chips like you havenât eaten in days. You havenât really eaten much in the last five weeks, so perhaps itâs finally catching up to you. You finish the bag but itâs not enough, so you grab another, devouring it halfway before you freeze. The bag begins to tremble in your hand, nearly falling from your grasp.Â
Johnny is alert immediately as you begin to panic. âWhat?â He asks stepping closer to you, ready to defend you from whatever has you on edge.Â
Your brain frantically does the math, thinking over the last few weeks. The bag falls to the floor as the realization slams into you like a bus. You turn to face Johnny, eyes wide in shock, fear shooting through you like lightning and clouding the rec room in the sour stench of omega fear.
Your lips tremble, the words stuttering out as you fight the panic rising in you, the nauseous churning of your stomach threatening to bring up the bag and a half of chips you just ate. Your fingers are shaking, clenching into fists again as they begin to go numb. Ragged breaths wheeze from your lungs as you stare at Johnnyâs worried face, brows furrowed as he tries to understand what has you in a sudden panic at one in the morning.Â
âMy last heat was eleven weeks ago.âÂ
âThe timeline is right,â Dr. Keller says, taking the blood pressure cuff off your arm. âThe symptoms point to pre-heat.âÂ
You take another bite of your candy bar, eating half out of necessity and half because youâre nervous. You hadnât even considered this when John left, but of course you didnât know how long he would be gone.Â
âAny word from John yet?â Dr. Keller asks as she packs the blood pressure monitor back into her bag.Â
âNone.â Johnny says, crossing his arms. âKate sent out a message, but thereâs been no response.âÂ
Youâre numb to that fact, the hope that had filled you two days ago gone now that thereâs been no word, not even for something like this. Simon had gone out of his way to call you when you needed him, but John canât even send a simple message through, even a simple no.Â
âWe may have to consider alternative options if he canât get back in time.â Dr. Keller says.Â
He wonât get back in time. Theyâre all saying it silently. They all know it and so do you.
Your hands close into fists. You had hoped with your new pack and alpha you wouldnât have to go through this again. But, of course with them having to put their job first, this was always a possibility. It was bound to happen eventually, you just hoped it wouldnât be so soon.Â
âWeâll wait as long as we can.â Dr. Keller says, looking at you. âWe donât have forever, though.âÂ
You shove the rest of the candybar in your mouth. You donât want to say anything, you donât want to do anything. Youâre numb except for the incessant hunger. Youâll know when itâs getting close, when the hunger fades and youâre facing down the reality that your alpha wonât be here. You know he wonât. Even if Kate can get ahold of him, he wonât make it back in time.Â
Youâre going to have to do this alone.Â
Well...perhaps not.Â
Maybe there is someone that can help you after all.Â
Youâre terrified. Youâre not sure how to even approach this, how to bring it up. Itâs eating you alive, but you have to ask. You have to know. That small bubble of hope still rising in you that maybe, just maybe you can avoid the horror awaiting you. Itâs a big request, but perhaps you can be convincing enough to play to his pity.Â
âSimon?â You ask, your hands curled into fists so theyâre not visibly shaking. Your hair is dripping onto your shirt, soaking it but you donât care. The cold is keeping you aware, keeping you from floating away into your head again.Â
He grunts, looking up from his phone. Youâd used the shower in his room again so he could watch you while Johnny took his own shower. You wonât sleep in here. Youâll stay with Johnny just like you have for the last almost five weeks. Itâs safer, should your heat start in the middle of the night again. And also because he doesnât want you to stay with him.
This is stupid. Itâs a stupid decision but you need to know.Â
What if he says yes? Â
âCan I...ask you something?â You say, shifting nervously on your feet.Â
He pockets his phone before pushing himself up to stand. He towers over you as he moves closer, staring down at you as you look up at him. Sometimes you forget just how big he is, just how commanding his presence can be. You fight the urge to cower, to submit to him in fear. âWhat?âÂ
The nervous lump in your throat threatens to choke you, the memories of his anger directed right at you burning right through you. What if he gets mad again? What if he reacts the same way? You canât know what he will do, though. You steady yourself, wrapping the fabric of your shirt around your hands.Â
âWill...â You clear your throat. âWill you help me through my heat?âÂ
Itâs a big request. A huge request. Youâre asking him to jump past barriers heâd kept up even before, something heâd never even suggested or hinted at wanting to do even before your last heat. Youâre asking him to jump past barriers heâs put back up since your betrayal, making it clear youâre not welcome back in, youâre not going to get to where you were before. The most heâs done is let you lean against him that one night in the rec room.Â
You hope maybe heâll agree out of necessity, maybe heâll take pity on you and save you from the horrors of going through a heat without an alpha. It may be stupid, but youâre terrified of whatâs awaiting you if he doesnât agree. You donât want to do it, you donât want to be put to sleep and then wake up a week later sick and disoriented, and then spend the next few days still in the same state.Â
It makes your stomach churn, and not from hunger.Â
His eyes widen in shock as your words register. His hands tighten into fists at his sides, his shoulders tensing. You fight the urge to flinch at the movement, the sudden hardening of his stance before you. He wasnât expecting it, obviously. You came out of left field with it, but you have to ask. Youâll beg if you need to. Youâll get on your knees and beg like your life depends on it if he wants you to. Anything just to avoid whatâs looming in the near future.Â
His eyes harden as he stares down at you, and you suddenly begin to regret your decision to ask. His gaze is piercing, taking you back to when you confessed. Youâve made a mistake. Youâve made a huge mistake.Â
âNo.âÂ
The word is simple, two letters, one syllable, yet it slices right through you. You should have expected it, should have known that would be your answer, but it still hurts. He knows, he knows John isnât coming back in time. He knows youâre going to have to do this alone. You had hoped maybe pity would push him into saying yes, maybe heâd open up a bit more before your heat started, maybe he might be merciful.Â
âI canât.â He takes a step back, then another. His gaze softens to what you almost perceive as panic. He shakes his head. âI canât.âÂ
So maybe it wasnât anger at you keeping him from agreeing. You can feel it, the edge to his scent starting to cloud it, the way his hands open and close as he squeezes them into fists over and over.Â
Tears burn your eyes as you stare at him, lifting your hands so theyâre laced together in front of you. You knew that would be the answer, yet you canât stop the disappointment. âOh.â That's all you can say. You donât trust yourself to say much else.Â
You swallow the lump in your throat as Johnny appears in the doorway, looking between the two of you before his eyes settle on you. He can tell something happened, something transpired between the two of you while he was gone. How much of it he heard, youâre not sure. Perhaps none at all judging by the look on his face.Â
âReady for bed?â He asks, his gaze cautious. Heâs trying to assess the situation, figure out what could have transpired to cause such a reaction between you and his alpha. Heâll never know. Not unless Simon tells him.Â
âYeah.â You breathe, scurrying out of Simonâs room before you can make more of a fool out of yourself.Â
âH-How long will it take?â You ask, your heart thudding in your chest. Your pre-heat symptoms had stopped earlier this morning, the hunger gone, the itching beginning under your skin.Â
âAs soon as your temperature goes up, weâll get started.â Dr. Keller says, sticking electrodes to your chest. Youâve already got the blood pressure cuff around your arm and pulse monitor on your finger.Â
âYe were prepared for this.â Johnny says, sitting next to the hospital bed. Youâre in a private room, well away from any others, even though no one will know youâre in heat. There wonât be any scent projecting, no neediness, no aching. You wonât be aware at all that anything is happening as your body rapidly cycles through that sudden flood of hormones.Â
Dr. Keller nods. âThis was always a possibility, so I made sure I had everything on hand for when it did happen.â She takes your temperature again. âTell me when you start to feel warm. The last thing I want to do is send you under too late.âÂ
Your skin crawls at her words, memories flashing back to the time you were put under too late. You trust Dr. Keller to take care of you, though. Sheâs far more competent and aware than that nurse had been. Itâs her job to take care of you, to watch after you in moments like this.Â
You just wish you could talk to John before you go under.Â
You want to remember his voice when you come back out.Â
âIâll be here the whole time.â Johnny says, taking your hand, obviously sensing your discomfort.Â
Heâs brought a bag of things with him, since heâll be staying with you for the few days itâll take to get through your heat. It wonât be as long this time, your body being forced through those hormones quickly. It wonât even register it needs a knot, flying through those symptoms.Â
The wait is the worst part. It takes forever, every minute seeming to take an hour. Johnny waits dutifully by your side. You wish this wasnât the first heat he would be here for. You wish he had at least gotten some experience with a normal heat, just so this one wouldnât scare him off. Even Kyle might have been shaken by it, though, even with his experience.Â
Eventually the heat begins to prickle under your skin, your heart rate jumping. Johnny calls in Dr. Keller, looking nervous as sweat begins to bead on your forehead.Â
âItâs time.â Dr. Keller says, taking your temperature. Itâs jumped quickly, your body starting to prepare for the onslaught of hormones about to be released.Â
She turns your arm, hooking up the IV that will deliver the sedative as well as fluids to keep you hydrated. The heart monitor beeps rapidly as you grow nervous, Johnny squeezing your hand gently. You know heâs trying, and thereâs nothing more he can really do. Thereâs no stopping this. Itâs going to happen no matter what.Â
âIâm going to administer the sedative. Youâll start to feel sleepy.â Dr. Keller says. âIâll put in the feeding tube after youâre out.â
You swallow nervously, sweat starting to bead on your forehead. âItâll be okay right?âÂ
Dr. Keller gives you a soft smile âYouâll be just fine. Itâll be a few days for us, but itâll be a few seconds for you. Itâll be over before you know it.âÂ
You swallow nervously before nodding. Dr. Keller pushes the sedative through the IV, your body starting to relax as it begins to take effect. The itching under your skin stops, the heat fading as the ceiling gets further and further away as your vision tunnels. Johnny squeezing your hand is the last thing you remember before everything goes dark.Â
Heâs seen a lot of things, done a lot of things that would make the average person violently ill. Heâs no stranger to blood and gore, yet he canât watch as Dr. Keller inserts the feeding tube into your nose. The thought of having it in his own body makes him nearly gag, his eyes closing as he breathes.Â
âIâm done.â Dr. Keller says, a small smile on her face as he turns back around.Â
âAbout gart me boak.â He says, looking at you where you appear to be sleeping peacefully. He supposes you are, blissfully unaware of anything and everything around you.
âYouâre not good with needles either, are you?â She asks, obviously noticing how he had turned away when she put in your IV.Â
âNot my favorite.â He admits.Â
âSheâs all set.â She says, stepping back. âYouâll want to move her every few hours, turn her on one side, lift her legs up. Keeps her from getting bed sores or blood clots. Iâll be next door, and Iâll check on her periodically. If anything happens at night, Iâll have my phone on full volume.âÂ
âThank ye, doctor.â He says, squeezing your hand despite the fact you canât feel it.Â
Dr. Keller takes her leave, the room going quiet aside from the beeping of the heart monitor, and the occasional buzzing of the blood pressure cuff as it tightens around your arm. He stares at you for a long moment, watching the steady rise and fall of your chest as you sleep. Itâs probably the most peaceful sleep youâve gotten in the last few weeks, despite the changes happening internally. Dr. Keller had explained it to him, the hormonal changes, how sedation works differently than going through a heat consciously. Omegas do go through heat cycles awake and aware without an alpha sometimes. Institutes cycle between isolated heats and sedation.Â
The thought of you going through both makes his stomach twist.Â
Sweat beads on your forehead as you lay there, something that will continue for the next few days, the doctor said. Your heart rate is higher than normal, another sign that youâre in your heat as your brain cycles through the sudden rush of hormones. Heâs not quite sure what to expect, not quite sure what itâll look like if something goes wrong. Heâs never done this before, and the little research heâd done doesnât feel all that helpful. Dr. Keller trusts him to know, though, and he supposes itâll be pretty obvious should something go wrong.Â
Youâre not going to be doing much aside from laying there for the next few days.Â
The hours seem to drag on and he canât help but wonder if this is how Kyle feels during your heats. At least Kyle had a job to do, had to focus and listen for the breaks in between rounds when heâd go in, ensure nothing was wrong, nothing happened, that youâre being fed and taken care of. All he has is the steady beeping of the heart monitor and the occasional buzz and crinkling of nylon as the blood pressure cuff expands. Dr. Keller brings him meals, keeping him fed and occasionally keeps him company as he watches dutifully over you. His back is aching from the uncomfortable chair and the makeshift bed, but he can hardly complain. Heâs slept on worse.Â
Heâs sketched a lot in the silence between watching videos on his phone and napping. Itâs been a peaceful time, aside from his initial worry. You sleep away, sweat still beading on your forehead. Every so often he grabs a wet paper towel, wiping away the sweat.Â
He jumps as his alarm on his phone goes off in the silence, his pencil falling to the floor. He picks it up, setting his sketchbook to the side before he gets up. Heâs careful as he slips his arms under you, easing you over onto your side. He bends your legs, making sure youâre steady and not cutting off circulation anywhere. He runs a hand over your hair, the strands starting to slip out of the braid he had put in before your trip to the med center.Â
He moves around to the other side of the bed, pulling the tie out before undoing the braid. Heâs careful as he redoes it as best he can, making sure not to pull too tightly on the strands. The last thing you need when you wake up is to feel like your hair is being yanked out of your head.Â
He ties off the braid before moving back to his seat, staring at your peaceful face for a moment. Itâs nothing new to him, but he canât help but stare. Heâs seen you sleep many times, held you, watched you blissfully unaware of the world. The softness in your face, the worry and the stress and the weight on your shoulders of just being who you are gone.Â
He picks his sketchbook back up, going back to drawing.Â
His stomach churns nervously. Thereâs a subtle shake to his hands, something that doesnât happen often. He likes to think heâs prepared for anything, conditioned enough to not be shaken by anything. Yet he canât help but feel unsure as Dr. Keller closes off your IV.Â
âSheâll be coming out of it soon.â Dr. Keller says. âSheâll be confused, disoriented. She might get combative. Your job is to talk to her, try to calm her and help ease her back into awareness. Sheâs a crier after heats, so I donât doubt there will be tears. She may get sick as well.â She gives him a reassuring smile. âItâll be alright. Coming out of a heat is hard, and so is coming out of sedation. Both at the same time is always a struggle.âÂ
There was a time he thought maybe sedation would be the easiest way to deal with a heat, but from what heâs hearing, he might have been wrong. Sure it might be easier in the moment to not have those week long symptoms of intense desire, the fever, the desperation. Coming out of it though? From what heâs heard so far, itâs not as easy as it sounds. Heâs been through it, coming out of sedation after an injury in the field. Itâs a confusing feeling, disorienting enough before you find out days or weeks have passed. Itâs hard to conceptualize without all those hormones going crazy in your head.Â
You start to stir, your brows pinching as you slowly begin to wake. You let out a groan, reaching for the feeding tube immediately. Dr. Keller gently pushes your hands away, nodding to Johnny. Your brows furrow deeper, a groan leaving your lips as you begin to move more and more.Â
âEasy, kitten.â He says, leaning down close to you, projecting his scent so you can hopefully get a whiff of it to help calm you. âIâve got ye. Yer alright.â He brushes your hair back from your sweaty forehead as you continue to groan. He takes your hand as you reach for the tube again, squeezing it gently.
You crack your eyes open for a moment before quickly pinching them shut. Dr. Keller reaches up, turning off the overhead light before leaning down close to you again. Sheâs projecting her natural beta scent as well to try and help calm you. âIâm going to remove the tube, I know itâs uncomfortable.âÂ
Johnny has to look away again as Dr. Keller removes the feeding tube, pressing his face into your hair as he projects his scent even more. You squeeze his hand back, the other gripping the side of the bed. You take in a harsh, gasping breath before you begin to cry, tears spilling out of your eyes as you sob. He had heard that youâre a crier after your heat from Kyle, heâs just never witnessed it before.Â
It takes him back to just a few weeks ago in Johnâs office when you had sat there crying as they interrogated you. It had made him uneasy, the stress and the fear clouding your scent. The fear heâd felt in those moments, listening to you cry and panic, nearly sending yourself into distress before John had calmed you. He might have done more, but he had been angry, angry at whoever put those cameras in your room, and slightly at you for keeping it from them for so long.Â
He canât blame it completely on you, though. That had been back in the time where you still werenât sure if you could trust them, before you fully opened yourself to them. Maybe they were slightly at fault for not making you feel like you could trust them, for not being realistic with you about the dangers. Sure you had been warned, had it drilled into your head why your safety was paramount, but maybe they had kept too much hidden from you. Maybe they had put you in more danger by trying to keep you safe.Â
Your eyes are still pinched closed as you continue to cry, sobs wracking your body as you grip his hand tightly. It tugs at his chest as he whispers quietly against your hair, trying to get you to recognize him, pull you out of the confusion and disorientation you must be feeling. You begin to hyperventilate, your hand slipping from his as you try to push yourself up. Dr. Keller already has the bed lifting, her other hand holding a vomit bag in front of you. It seems almost instinctual, but sheâs been through this many times before. She had told him how many during one of their talks, when heâd asked her how long she's been working with omegas. He hadnât realized just how little he really knew about your doctor before now.Â
Johnny has to look away as you vomit into the bag, his own stomach churning. Not just because of you being ill, but also because of how distressing this all seems. How you havenât gone into distress is a miracle to him, but perhaps youâre still too out of it to be that aware.Â
Your breathing has calmed just slightly, your forehead beaded with sweat. Dr. Keller removes the vomit bag from in front of you, grabbing another and setting it on your lap.Â
âIâm going to dispose of this.â She says. âSheâs going to be sick for a while. Iâll grab more fluids and Iâll be back shortly.âÂ
Johnny nods, wiping at the sweat on your brow. You lean into his touch, letting out a quiet whine. His touch is gentle, almost scared he might hurt you in your fragile state. Youâre still crying, the tears cascading down your cheeks. His chest hurts, guilt and sorrow churning inside of him from seeing you in this state. All thought that sedation was the best option goes out the window as he holds the vomit bag for you, keeping your braid out of the way.Â
Kyle had told him about what it was like during your heat and after, partially to feed his curiosity, but also in case something like this happened where he had to be the one taking care of you. Heâd heard about the pain, the tears, the disorientation. This is different, though. This is far worse than what Kyle had described to him.Â
Dr. Keller returns, IV bag in hand. She removes the empty bag and replaces it with the full one, hooking it up to your IV. You have to be thirsty after a few days of having nothing but a feeding tube and the fluids to keep you going during your fever.Â
Johnny catches her hand as she pulls out a syringe, small enough to be discreet. Something tickles in the back of his mind as he stares at it, his instincts on edge.Â
âWhat is that?â He asks, starting to get defensive, his metaphorical hackles rising. Â
âPain medicine.â She says simply, handing it to him. She has to be able to read him, sensing the sudden protectiveness wafting off of him.Â
He takes the syringe, reading the label. Morphine. He feels silly for distrusting the doctor. Sheâs never proven herself untrustworthy. While he knows they canât be too trusting of anyone, sheâs never done you any harm, never given them a reason to suspect her. She wouldn't hurt you, not after the dedication heâs seen from her these last few days alone.Â
âShe might need it later once sheâs more aware.â She continues, taking the syringe back when he hands it to her, putting it back in her pocket. âHer body just went through an intense hormonal cycle and those hormonal levels are now dropping suddenly. It can cause a wide range of symptoms from crying to illness to physical pain. When omegas are allowed to go through that cycle naturally, usually with an alpha, the symptoms of coming down from that cycle are typically less severe compared to when sedation is used, of course besides the physical pain. The pain with sedation is obviously quite different from the pain when the cycle happens naturally with an alpha.âÂ
Johnnyâs brows furrow as he rests his hand over yours, your breaths stuttering through your sobs. Your hands are clutching at the blanket, one of yours heâd grabbed from your room in hopes the familiar comfort might help you through the process. He hates that youâre in pain like this, he hates that youâre in pain at all. Heâs beginning to feel the bubbling anger deep in his stomach at Simon for letting you endure this. He has no idea. Heâs isolated himself for your safety, and heâll never get to see what this is like, what youâre going through right now.Â
Dr. Keller says your name softly, leaning against the side of the bed, electing to ignore the swirling emotions of her fellow beta. Heâs not her concern, you are. âCan you open your eyes for me?âÂ
You continue to cry, but you manage to get your eyes opened, squinting at her through your tears. Dr. Keller takes your face in her hands, using her thumbs to gently pull down your lower lids, trying to get a good look at your eyes. You try to jerk away, letting out possibly the cutest defiant sound Johnny has ever heard, and he might have reacted had it been a different situation. Instead he leans over the side of the bed again, talking to you quietly so you calm a bit. You do relax at the sound of his voice, his scent projecting even more to try and comfort you, bring you back into reality.Â
âThere we go.â Dr. Keller says, looking at your eyes before she gives you a soft smile. âWelcome back.â She removes her hands from your face leaning against the bed rail again. âIt's all over. You did perfectly.â
You let out another groan, lifting a hand weakly before letting it drop back against your stomach.Â
âI know you're thirsty.â Dr. Keller says. âI'll get you some soon. We need to make sure your stomach has settled for now.âÂ
Your eyes squeeze closed as you start to cry again, your inhales shaky as the tears start sliding down your cheeks. Johnny shushes you gently, petting your hair. Sweat still drips down your face, your hands curling around the edge of the blanket.Â
You try to push yourself up to sit, Dr. Keller immediately understanding what you need again as she lifts the vomit bag up to your mouth.
Johnny peels your hand from around the blanket, holding it tightly. His own stomach is churning but he swallows it back, bringing your hand up to his face. He kisses the back, the skin clammy and warm to the touch. Your scent is a swirl of things heâs never smelled before, drowning out the natural sweetness. Kyle had mentioned how your scent and Johnâs change during the heat and after. He hardly recognizes it right now, and he finds himself missing the sweet scent of strawberries.Â
Your fingers squeeze around his as you lay back against the bed, eyes cracked open and sniffling as the tears continue to slide down your cheeks. You let out a groan, tugging weakly at his hand.Â
âHi kitten.â He says, leaning over the bed rail again. âYer alright. Get ye feeling better soon.âÂ
Your inhale is shaky, catching in your chest. You weakly tug his hand towards your face pressing your sweaty cheek against his skin. You nuzzle against his hand, your tongue darting out to lick his skin. He can't help but chuckle, wiping at a tear that falls with his thumb. Youâre still out of it, but he knows thatâs a sign that youâre starting to come through, starting to come back to yourself through the haze.Â
You let out a long groan as you pull away from his hand, licking at your lips. They're horribly chapped, almost rivaling Simon's, but at least you have an excuse.
âThirsty?â Dr. Keller asks, returning to the bedside with a cup of water. âDrink slowly, you'll get sick again.â She warns, holding the straw up to your lips.Â
You manage to do as she says and take small sips of the water despite how thirsty he knows you must be. Johnny keeps caressing your face with his thumb, your fingers still laced with his.Â
âLet me get your vitals.â Dr. Keller says, setting the cup of water on the table. You let out a groan in protest, smacking your lips, obviously wanting more. âYou can have more in a minute. Too much on your stomach could upset it, and Iâm sure the last thing you want to do right now is get sick again.â
You let out a quiet grunt, leaning your cheek against his hand once again. Your skin is still a bit warm to the touch, but that could just be from the exertion of trying to come out of sedation and being sick. Dr. Keller takes your vitals once more, recording them on her sheet. Sheâs been tracking them your entire heat, using them to judge how far along you are since she doesnât have the benefit of you being awake to track the symptoms that way. He had wondered why she tracked them on paper, but then he remembered John telling him about how Shepherd had requested all of your private records and Dr. Kellerâs notes.Â
She is smart. Heâll give her that.Â
âThings look good, even if you might not feel like it right now.â She says.
You try to shift on the bed but you let out a quiet groan, freeing your hand from his.Â
âHurting?â Dr. Keller asks.
You nod, letting out a whine. It tickles in the back of his brain, his beta wanting to reach out and comfort you, but he knows he canât. He canât ease the physical pain. One downside to beta evolution. Their ancestors never learned how to fix physical pain. Maybe that would have made them too perfect. All he can do is try to comfort you through it.Â
âLet's get some pain meds in you.â She says, pulling the syringe out of her pocket again. âThen we can get you somewhere more comfortable.â
She injects the pain medicine through your IV, giving it a few minutes to begin working before disconnecting you from all the machines. Johnny helps her get you in a sweatshirt, wanting to keep you warm. You are shaking, though what that might be related to heâs not sure. Perhaps everything.Â
Dr. Keller hands him the cup of water. âKeep her drinking. I'll go grab a car, then we can get her back to the barracks.âÂ
You feel far too light in Johnnyâs arms as he carries you from the car into the barracks. Simon is nowhere to be seen, though he hadnât expected a welcome back party from his alpha. Heâs probably still hiding out in his office, or in the gym, his usual hiding spot. Johnny is kind of glad heâs not here, though he would like to rub it in his face, the decision heâd made.Â
Johnny takes you to his room, still avoiding yours. Itâs almost like a crime scene, Johnny tempted to take it off. He knows placing you in there might make you panic when you wake up after everything. Thatâs the last thing he wants. So instead he takes you to the place youâve spent the last almost six weeks in, somewhere youâll recognize the scent and be comfortable when you wake up.Â
You roll onto your side as soon as he lays you down, curling up on his blankets. He drapes yours over you, tucking it around your shoulders before he steps back out into the hallway.Â
âKeep her hydrated. Lots of water, tea, clear sodas.â Dr. Keller instructs him. âShe'll be drowsy for a while because of the pain medicine. Give her a couple hours and once the pain meds wear off and her stomach settles a bit, try her with some bland foods. She did well with mashed potatoes after her last heat. Sheâs going to be out of it and sick for a few days. Keep an eye out for anything abnormal. Vomiting blood, canât keep food down, if she complains about pain somewhere or is hard to wake, give me a call.âÂ
âGot it.â Johnny nods, committing everything sheâs told him in the last ten minutes to memory.Â
âYou did really well.â She says, giving him a soft smile. âYou should be proud of yourself.âÂ
âThank you, doctor.â He nods, internally beaming at her praise.Â
âKeep me updated, and donât be afraid to call.â She says.Â
He watches her walk to the door, Simonâs door opening as soon as sheâs gone. He at least looks guilty, like the shame is eating him alive. Johnny hasnât seen him like this in a long time, not since he caused you to distress. It makes him a little too happy to see him in such a state.Â
âHow is she?â He asks, not moving from in front of his door.Â
The sound of you vomiting into a vomit bag reaches their ears. Simon at least has the decency to flinch at the sound. Itâs subtle, probably unnoticeable had Johnny not been able to read his alpha like a book.Â
âSick.â He says, trying to hide his anger and disappointment. Theyâre complex feelings. He knew Simon would turn you down if you asked for his own reasons, but now after seeing what happens when thereâs no alpha available during a heat, he almost hates Simon for doing this to you. âConfused. Still a bit out of it.âÂ
âYou know I couldnât do it.â Simon says, using that uncanny ability to read everyone around him.Â
Johnny hates it sometimes.
He turns to glance at you through his open door as you continue to be sick. Youâre going to be miserable for the next few days, likely more than you are usually after your heats. This one will be less physical pain after taking knots for a week straight, and more pain from being sedated, pain from being mostly immobile, pain from just being alive and carrying this status. Such pain omegas live with, physically, mentally, emotionally.Â
He hates it.Â
âYe donât know what it was like.â He says, his hands closing into fists. âSeeing her like that.âÂ
You let out a long whine, a sob tearing from your chest as you inhale. Tears prick behind Johnnyâs eyes as he holds Simonâs gaze. âYe just had to say no.â He shakes his head, turning to go back into his room.Â
He doesn't want to tell you. He can see the look on your face already. The disappointment. The pain. The agony. He can smell the souring of your scent already, the painful grief filling it and there will be nothing he can do to ease it. It's a rare moment they've left you alone in the last month and a half, forced to after a call with Kate and Shepherd.
He's not even sure how to approach it.Â
He opens his bedroom door slowly, his stomach clenching as he looks in at you. You're on the bed, wrapped in a blanket where he left you, cuddled against your big bear. He doesn't want to wake you, especially not for this but he has to. He has no choice. You have to know.Â
He lets out a sigh as he sinks down on the edge of his bed, gently putting a hand on your shoulder. âKitten?â He shakes you gently. âKitten, wake up.â
You inhale sharply, startling awake despite his attempt to be gentle. Thereâs a sharp spike of fear in your scent for a moment as youâre yanked from sleep suddenly, but it fades as soon as you realize where you are and who is with you. You turn over onto your back, winding up resting against his knee as you rub your eyes.Â
âJohnny?â You croak, still partly asleep.Â
âSi and I just got off a call with Kate.â He says carefully, not wanting to scare you too much.Â
You're wide awake immediately, pushing yourself up to sit. You swallow nervously, your scent already souring. âWhat is it?â Your voice wavers as you ask, eyes already shining with tears.Â
âJohn and Kyle are fine.â He says, regretting not starting with that. He can see the temporary relief on your face. âBut, they need some backup for this one.âÂ
It takes a moment for your brain to process his words. A hole tears through the center of his chest as he watches the realization hit, your face falling as your scent begins to sour even more. Your arms wrap around yourself as you stare at him, the relief gone from your face as you stare at him. He swallows the lump in his own throat, your scent causing his beta to stir, the drive to comfort you itching in his brain. He canât though, he canât comfort you through this.Â
Your voice shakes, a tear sliding down your cheek as you figure out what it is he woke you to say, why Kate had called. Your inhale is shaky, catching in your chest before you speak.Â
âYou're both leaving too, arenât you.âÂ
NEXT ->
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#call of duty#call of duty fic#task force 141 x reader#poly 141 x reader#tf141 x reader#john price x reader#captain price x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#john mactavish x reader#soap x reader#kyle garrick x reader#gaz x reader#alpha/beta/omega dynamics#a/b/o#omegaverse
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The most effective thing about Ever After High is that every student has their own personal struggle that adds another element to just how life-ruining the destiny system is.
Apple is so terrified of what will happen to her if she doesnât follow her destiny, that she is willing to compromise everyone elseâs happiness to make sure it happens. This disregard for other people is only encouraged by the influential adults in her life.
Ashlynn has to be a servant to an abusive family and live knowing that the ultimate end to her supposedly happy ending is dying to set the stage for her daughters traumatic backstory, starting the whole cycle over again with no chance for any of them to escape.
Blondie feels so pressured to fit in to a deeply classist/monarchist society and ashamed of her parentage that she constantly presents a fake version of herself to everyone she knows, even her best friends.
Briar has to spend her whole life waiting for the moment her destiny comes and she falls asleep for a century. She knows that when sheâs woken up, she will be forced to marry a boy dozens of years younger than her who sheâs never met and live knowing that everyone she ever loved is dead and gone, the very things that she watched cause her motherâs emotional breakdown.
Cedarâs father was so afraid of watching her repeat his mistakes that he overcorrected, making it impossible for her to ever learn lessons for herself. She is also forced to share incredibly personal details with anyone who asks her questions, and canât be trusted by her friends with any of their secrets, and itâs all because of her fatherâs past trauma.
Cerise has to hide who she truly is and never gets to see her family together and happy despite the fact that her parents have potentially the most healthy and mutually beneficial marriage in the whole franchise.
Daring was groomed from birth for a destiny that ends up not actually being his at all, leaving him aimless, feeling as though he has no purpose and has wasted his entire life.
Darling is forbidden by patriarchy and destiny to become a knight, the only thing she really wants, and at which she would be better than both of her brothers. She has to hide who she is and what she loves from everyone she knows
Dexter lived his whole life never knowing what his destiny would be but also knowing that whatever it was heâd have to commit to it forever the moment he discovered it at Legacy Day.
Duchess has spent her whole life knowing that the story sheâs commited to living out ends in tragedy for her, and then had to watch the very people sheâs been jealous of for years because of their seemingly happy endings give up those endings, while Duchess, loyal and rule following Duchess, is still stuck with her tragedy.
Faybelle tries so hard to commit to what she sees at her destiny that sheâs never had a real friend in her life. Even still, no one recognizes her for all that effort and all sheâs given up to be a suitable villain. Everyone is more afraid of Raven, who doesnât even want to be evil.
Hunter has to constantly go against his moral compass to fulfill his destined role as a Huntsman and to try and make his father proud of him.
Kitty has been taught over and over again to value her Motherâs approval over all else, even at the expense of her friends. Her destiny is to create mischief, but how much more mischief can a dissolving world take before itâs too much?
Lizzie finds it almost impossible to express love or care for anyone else due to her mothers excessive conditioning thatâs nearly akin to brainwashing. The saddest thing might be that her mother is actually, in her own way, trying her best to prepare Lizzie for a world that will only ever see her one wayâas a villain. Now she lives in Ever After, princess to a kingdom that might not even exist for much longer, having given up everything for a destiny that may soon be impossible.
Maddie is a refugee forced from her home into a world she barely understands at a tender age. But she cannot express any angst or negative feelings about this circumstance, because to do so would go against her character. She lives in a world obsessed with destiny and stories while not even knowing if sheâll ever be able to return home and live out her story.
Raven is judged by almost everyone around her for her mothers crimes, many of which were required of her by destiny in the first place. She is nearly forced to commit to becoming a tyrannical megalomaniac (and almost falls into it herself, several times) who would be sentenced to lifelong punishment and torture for committing acts that werenât even her idea in the first place, and the one punishing her would have been the very girl who begged so often for her to stop being so difficult and just follow her destiny.
#ever after high#eah#cartoon#cartoons#mattel#apple white#ashlynn ella#blondie lockes#briar beauty#cedar wood#cerise hood#darling charming#dexter charming#daring charming#duchess swan#faybelle thorn#hunter huntsman#kitty cheshire#lizzie hearts#madeline hatter#raven queen
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I know that everyone is like...focused on Great being a terrible person (and celebrating Tonkla for killing him lmao) but I think the original timeline just makes Great's story more tragic.
Since we essentially were in Great's head and he was trying to edit his own past, it revealed so much more about him in a way we would've never known with just the original timeline.
He wants his brother to care for him. He wants sweet, playful dates. He wants to see Thyme smile. He wants to innocently hold Thyme's hand and get his potential first kiss with him interrupted by Thyme's grandma. He wants their first time to be sweet and loving. Just for them. He wants Thyme to listen to him, understand him. He wants Thyme's eyes to soften.
Everybody has wondered why their scenes felt so disjointed but this explains it so much.
Great doesn't think, even in the depth of his subconscious, that his dad could change. Or his mom. Or even his brother. He doesn't crave for his family to be different. Or rather: He can't even possibly imagine that happening in any timeline. His circumstances stay the same.
Every bad decision Great makes, he still makes in his fanfic timeline. But he gets a chance to change it. He's forced to look at his own inactions and the consequences. He's not getting away with his passiveness anymore.
Great's achilles' heel is not that he gets off on hurting and using people. That's not who he is. He doesn't crave his father's approval (like Korn does), he doesn't want people to obey him and hurt them (like Title does) and he's not interested in portraying a certain image (compared to his parents).
Great revealed his deepest desires to Thyme in his wishful timeline: He's just lonely. He just wants to be loved. He wants someone to see him.
And yes, he's definitely spoiled and he's a coward. His achilles' heel is his own cowardice, his inability to decide something for himself, to be ACTIVE and not just passively react to things and let other people decide FOR him. He excuses his own actions with his passiveness because that's just the way he was taught. (Korn said it in the last episode: He will do the dirty work and Great can just blissfully live like everything's fine.) He's deeply anxious, reckless and almost numb to things around him before he meets Thyme in his original timeline.
He just accepts things for the way they are. And because he's surrounded by awful people, he became awful himself.
But original!Thyme miscalculated Great. Because Thyme himself is a morally grey person and hurts the people around him for his own gain (regardless of his motivations being right or wrong). He saw Great as a tool, as someone to use. He was too wrapped up in his own mission, his obsession with getting justice that he wasn't able to see Great for who he could potentially be: A person to love.
They could've been each other's salvation but instead become each other's tragedy.
Isn't that so sad? Thyme used Great and preyed on him. In the original timeline they maybe had like...what....one hour of genuine connection?
And yet â in his dying moment Great still wants Thyme. Still wants to be loved by him. Even in his dying moment Great wishes for them to be each other's haven.
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book 7 part 9 thoughts!!
***THIS POST CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR BOOK 7 PART 9 OF THE MAIN STORY!!*** Please note: this is NOT meant to be a summary or a translation; these are only my initial thoughts on the events that roughly unfold. There may be details overlooked or misunderstood in this post, so PLEASE do not use this as a translation.
Kind of a short update this time! It spans parts 140 to 157.
As a reminder, only Vil is following Yuu and co. into the next dream. This is because traveling around with too many people may cause a bug in Idiaâs dream hacking and/or it may make it easier for Malleus to notice them.
They land in Kalimâs dream!! There is a segment where Vil freaks out about falling and we get to see his cute squeaky-voiced vulnerable side again. (Yes, the others tease him about it đ)
They use DREAM FORM CHANGE to swap between dorm uniform (for combat) and school uniform (for general interactions within the dream).
And this new location isâŚ
HUH WHATm/s tHIS?????
It seems like the Scalding Sands, but weâve never seen this before.
OOP THEreâS THE BOY
Those colors look really good on him!! But the hat looks like itâs floating or sitting on just the scalp⌠It feels like maybe it should be further down on his head. (Sorry about the weird screenshot chsvskwguejsk)
Kalim doesnât seem to recognize our squad, nor NRC. He says that he goes to Qasr Sultanate Academy (guess thatâs where the name of his new uniform comes from). It is founded on the generous spirit of the Oasisâs Master (the Sultan). The school was established 2 years ago by his rich ass father, since this area did not have a magic school prior to that. THIS IS NEPOTISM AT ITS FINEST, FOLKS
***Note: "qasr" -> castle or palace, "sultanate" -> a place governed by a sultan!***
Idia reasons that Kalim might be this way to avoid the tragedies that play out at NRC. The dream is sheltering himâŚ
Everyone is dying of heat, so Kalim uses his UM to give them cool drinking water. He also has some servants (no Jamil) bring the roof over to them to help them cool off???
BUT THEN jAMIL PULLS UP AnD
iTâS SO WEIRD, WhYâShE SO PERKY AnD KIRAKIRAâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚâŚ âŚâŚ. âŚâŚ âŚ. ⌠. âŚâŚ. .. . ⌠âŚ. . . . HE;S SMILING TOO MUCH, IT;S SUS...... THIS iS wROng (Side note, those colors are also nice on him!)
Dream!Jamil explains that he was hired by Kalimâs father but that their families never cared about their different statuses. In this dream, they basically grew up as real childhood friends and always talk honestly with each other.
The group reminds Kalim that Jamil isnât REALLY like this. Vil especially lays into him, roasting Jamilâs character and going into how untrustworthy he is, etc.
Jamil tries to keep Kalim in the dream by using Snake Whisper. Eventually Kalim has his breakthrough, which is where the Groovy for his new card comes from. He realizes that he believed in a false yet convenient Jamil, he cannot face him anymore.
WAHHHHH look at him đ Heâs leaking like a faucet⌠but heâs also trying so hard to wipe away his tears, to be strong and stand on his own to fight against the fake Jamil! Letâs give him a round of applause, folks đ
(This also means that there is potentially a pattern being established with these new limited main story cards; the Groovies will probably be the character crying as they have their realization that this world is a fake one. Does that mean⌠Crying J word next time??????? Maybe??? Or nah??? đ GOD PLEASE NO MY HEART WOULDNâT BE ABLE TO HANDLE ITâ)
Vil tells Kalim that he also did something embarrassing in his own dream so itâs fine. Kalim callously laughs when he hears about Vil bossing Neige around, then quickly apologies because he realizes he was supposed to deny how bad it is.
Kalim joins the party!! He says it feels weird because usually Jamil is the one to wake HIM up.
They hop into Jamilâs dream!! They appear to have landed in a Silk City bazaar. Ortho takes headcount of them like theyâre students on a casual field trip, lol
Kalim enjoyed the jump but Vil seems to be having a hard time keeping up. Ortho and Silver will stay with Vil while the rest of them look for Jamil.
Yuu and co. fuck around in the market a little, getting coconut juice (well, Kalim buys 10 at once) and whatever. Guys⌠now is seriously NOT the time.
While giving them juice, the vendor suddenly becomes hostile towards Kalim and demands payment instead of letting him put it on his familyâs tab.
OMG?????? Apparently in Jamilâs dream, the Al-Asims are broke and scam free stuff from the vendors đ WHILE JAMIL IS RICH AF
The vendor is calling the POLICE
Silver comes running to save the day!! He says he will pay for his friends and we avoid being hauled off to jail â¨
We continue our search for Jamil, deciding to trek to Kalimâs home in Silk City since thatâs where the Vipers live irl. INSTEAD THEY FIND THIS DESOLATE PLACE (reusing the dried up oasis background)
A bystander explains that the Asim familtâs business failed so they had to give up their house. It got moved and repainted black and red⌠AND NOW JAMILâS THE MASTER đ
A guard comes to chase them off and recognizes Kalim as a servant. Turns out, the Vipers bought the old Asim home and employed them as servants to help them out.
⌠I saw this coming from a mile away, but the cringe of seeing it for myself is too much to bearâŚ
LMAO????? Now we get a rhythmic/twistune of Yuu and co. marching in a parade with Jamil at the head of it.
WhAT YHE FUCK iS ThiS InTERIOR DESIGN, THATâS LITERLLY A STatUE OF jAfAR DoING THE GOLFING SWING
Jamil is not enrolled in NRC; he is also enrolled in a new magic school called Jahir Sahar College (?).
***Note: "jahir" -> jewels, "sahar"/"sehri" -> wizard or magic!***
Jamil scolds Kaim for wearing a uniform of the wrong color and âcorrectsâ it for him. Kalim casually says thank you but Jamil tells him it is, âJAMIL-SAMA, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!â He reminds Kalim that the Asims owe the Vipers a debt so large that they cannot hope to repay it in their lifetime, so be sure to be useful to him.
⌠Bro is power tripping so hard đ
Jamil becomes suspicious of us but Vil plays it off like weâre students come to research the Scalding Sands for a Film Club activity. He allows us to stay but backhanded comments that we look dumb so we wonât pose a threat.
Jamil then offers to give us a tour SiNCE HEâS THE STUDENT COUNCiL PRESIDENT (Rollo called he wants his title back). Iâm guessing this is the case instead of him being dorm leader so Jamil is the ONLY top dog around.
Oh yeah!! Minor thing, magic carpet comes in at some point. Its its colors are closer to that of the magic carpet in the Aladdin film.
He orders Kalim to prepare a feast; Kalim provides water with Oasis Maker and grabs food from the kitchenâall of Jamilâs favorites! But no matter how eager to please he is, Jamil tells him off and makes remarks about how useless Kalim is đ
xbshgejwgsowkw Yuu and co. are like âWOW, Jamilâs imagination is so strong so itâs going to be hard to wake him up!!â Itâs okay, you can say heâs delusional/j
Jamil wavers a little because Kalim begins talking about their childhood memories. Itâs stirring up his own recollections, and I think the dreamâs interpretation of these evens is clashing with the reality that Kalim shares.
Blah blah blah
Dream!Kalim arrives to kiss Jamilâs ass :v aaand Jamil descends into the darknessâŚ
What we see is a potential future in which Jamil succeeded in book 4; Azul and the Scarabia mobs are under his hypnotic influence⌠Kalim is gone⌠and Jamil plans to use the dirt Azul has collected to blackmail the other dorm leaders and take them down. (This lends credence to the idea of him being student council president in his dream because he wants to be the ONLY one in charge.)
LMAO????? Jamil shit talks the dorm leaders đ Like saying that no one likes Riddle anyway, how Leona is probably another lazy nepo baby, etc.
AnD THEN AfTER THE DoRM LEADERS HEâs PlANNING ON GOInG AfTER CROWlEYâS iRRESPONSibLE aSS đ Jamil has his sights set on ruling over the entire schoolâŚ
AyO??????????
I THINK KALIM PUNCHED JAMIL AnD THEYmRE fISTFIGHTING?????? PLEASE, THIS IS PATHETIC
They shout about the things they hate the most about each other. Jamil hates Kalimâs optimism, Kalim finally FINALLY declares that he hates how two-faced Jamil is. Itâs so intense even the hypnotized students are stunned????
Sebek wants to pummel Jamil too but Silver holds him back. His reasoning??? Sometimes people get emotionally charged and itâs better for them to let those out through their fists instead of their words.
I cannot believe that Silver Vanrouge in our lord 2024 really went, âNo, no. Let them cook :)â đ¤Ą
Kalim starts laughing because this is a unique experience to him?? Apparently he and Jamil never fought for real in the 17 years they knew each other. Jamil agrees and says if he neat Kalim up âirlâ it would cause problems for everyone⌠and he realizes his wording and begins questioning the dream world because of that.
He finally wakes up! xbsnbsjwkwkwvdk Kalim is so excited his live 2D model is bouncing on the screen!
The goop returns and drags Jamil to a familiar scene where he OBs and then squares off against his Phantom, similar to what happened with Idia and Vil. Jamil calls his OB self pathetic and always looking for someone to blame. He now sees that view as narrow-minded and limiting.
His Phantom tries to goad him by likening their situation to being genies trapped in a dark and small space, existing to be used their entire lives and not being allowed the freedom they wish for. Admittedly, Jamil has pretty cool lines, saying he doesnât like the Phantom forcing its own wishes on him. Heâs reclaiming his freedom by renouncing the idea of pitying himself. He doesnât plan to spend his whole life inside that lamp and his wallowing, he is going to make his own wishes come trueânot 3 or 10 or 100, but every single one.
(Cue insane Jamil laughter here)
He of course gains the upper hand and rises victorious. Jamil tells Dream!Kalim that he is so polite and subservient itâs disgusting, then he uses Snake Whisper to send him away.
Jamil says thereâs no point in changing roles or positions because ultimately the power to decide what happens is his and his alone. He also says he is not interested in power or freedom granted to him by someone else⌠He will take what he wants on his own! (Not sure why heâs announcing this when no one asked, but pop off I guess đ Vil gave a similar speech when he was facing his own demons, but shorter and I donât think Idia just mumbled to himself before getting back in contact with Ortho.)
Meeting back up with Yuu and co., Jamil is added to the party! (Kalim tries to glomp him in a hug but Jamil expertly dodges âxbssvzjav$c(/?/)
Okay, so Vil is staying behind because he doesnât feel well and doesnât want to hold the group back. Kalim also stays behind because heâs still covered in bruises and such from fist fighting Jamil. This will probably be another pattern that occurs moving forward; only the OB boy moves on with the group.
Next time⌠Octavinelleâs dreams and maybe J word crying card đ!
I think by this time, we already know what to expect in terms of general events. Going into a dream, experiencing it for a short time, learning shocking news about the circumstances, character uses UM, character learns the truth, character cries and fights the dream (who is trying to keep them there), character joins party. If itâs an OB boy, then they will get more screen time and a dedicated segment to fighting their Phantom and then giving a speech about their character development before joining us. Then only the OB boy will dream hop with the Yuu, Grim, Silver, Sebek, Idia, and Ortho while the boys stay behind with the projected selves Ortho creates. Rinse and repeat the formula, and you can probably easily predict whatâs coming in future updates.
In terms of this update, I gotta say that Iâm impressed Kalim finally followed through on the promise of decking Jamil⌠a promise he made all the way back in book 4!! While he doesnât do it with any malicious intent, I think itâs a large stride going forward in having Kalim assert himself and acknowledge the faults that Jamil very obviously has.
As for Jamil... I think itâs becoming pretty obvious what theyâre going for in those OB boy scenes; clearly, they mean to have it be like he is speaking to his âother halfâ in the mirror, a reflection of himself. In this way, each boy confronts the worst aspects of them and comes to terms with it. Itâs meant to represent their character growth from when they first appeared in the main story. Iâm just⌠not sure if I like how itâs been handled overall; I do like everyoneâs speeches so far (they are good; Jamilâs especially slays with all the thematically appropriate allusions to genies and wish-granting), but Iâm less enthusiastic about the context under which these speeches are given. I will most likely make a separate post going into detail about this, but I figured Iâd at least lay my general thoughts out here first.
ahbfbyoqwv8yfqwv8q The highlight of this update this time was just seeing how unhinged Jamil's desires are when given no limitations. It's such a shockingly large role reversal to stick himself in the head honcho seat with zero opposition AND force Kalim into being humbled. When the tables turn on him, Jamil is so quick to being a ruthless and cold master đŚ HE'S FR THE TYPE OF GUY THAT ISNT JUST SATISFIED SUCCEEDING, HE ALSO NEEDS YOU TO FAIL The more of these dreams we see, the more we get the sense that Malleus's idea of happiness is VERY shallow. This was something already verbalized by Idia last update, but I feel it needs repeating because of how difficult to resolve Kalim and Jamil's relationship is. The way his solutions are so... absolute (Kalim and Jamil being besties and/or a complete role reversal) reminds me of the points I often hear from fans who say, "Kalim could free Jamil! Kalim should talk to his dad!" There's good intentions behind it, but it ultimately misses the forest for the trees (that being the complicated social nuances surrounding their families). It's an out-of-body experience seeing that viewpoint displayed via Malleus's magic, but it also feels cathartic to see it being dispelled as being nothing close to reality.
Those are all my thoughts for now!! Really looking forward to the next installment :)) and its potential for... crying J word... Though who knows, maybe itâs just for light trio only and Iâm deluluâ
#twisted wonderland#twst#book 7 spoilers#Scarabia#Jamil Viper#Kalim Al-Asim#Yuu#Grim#Silver#Sebek Zigvolt#Vil Schoenheit#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#notes from the writing raven#idia Shroud#Ortho Shroud#Ignihyde#Jade Leech#Jafar#Sultan#Aladdin#Rollo Flamme#Azul Ashengrotto#Leona Kingscholar#Riddle Rosehearts#Dire Crowley#Malleus Draconia#book 7 part 9 spoilers
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beyond evil (2021) occupies a very interesting space in the larger expanse of crime shows. like, it is a Cop Show. it is undeniably a Cop Show even if the two main characters, who are both cops for very different reasons, are handled with significantly greater awareness and intention than usual.
it is also, impressively, a show that pierces the real ugly rot of 1) police corruption and its overlap with capitalism 2) atrocious real-life lawmaking 3) the poor handling of femicide in stories. i cannot express how abruptly shocked i was to discover that i did not hate the way this show was carrying itself, despite its crime drama genre, narrative about two homoerotic cops, and its murder mystery premise featuring a plot about a serial killer with solely female victims. here is a story that understands its purpose and is so clear-eyed about it that i did in fact tentatively suspend all my wariness about Cop Shows to watch itâand what i got was a scathing response to every serial killer and true crime documentary out there. a narrative that said: enough. enough. look at the way grief rots people from the inside out. look at the way loss ruins lives. do not forget the sufferings of the innocent.
far too many crime dramas possess an incredibly dehumanizing analytical tone to them that goes, âwhat if these poor women died in brutal gruesome tragic ways? anyway, look at these men and their heroic journey for justice!â itâs why i canât fucking stand to watch them for the sake of my blood pressure. while beyond evil is not exempt from using such gruesomeness as a part of its horror aspect, the women in this show, particularly the women who were murdered, occupy such a heavy weight over the narrative that it is impossible to reduce them to what theyâre usually reduced to: numbers in files, or cold cases. and because the purpose of beyond evil is to examine the ways grief and loss bring about destruction to peopleâs lives and communities, these women cannot be seen as numbers. they need to be vivid and real; the audience needs to feel their loss as deeply and gnawingly as the townspeople do. as we would in real life.
personally iâm still surprised at myself for liking a Cop Show this muchâbecause the law enforcement sympathy is unavoidable in a cop showâbut then iâm also shocked at how immediately this show establishes its awareness of police power. i donât mean it gives a passing nod, like a brief disclaimer. i mean that you watch until the end and youâre like: oh! the entire fucking show is about police power and its consequences! this entire goddamn show is about copsâ potential for harm and how it destroys lives! the main character only ever became a cop out of desperation because he realized it would protect him from suffering further at the hands of the police. because he realized it was the only way for him to get access to both the information and the legal power needed to take his own steps to solve his sisterâs murder. itâs not radicalâitâs a cop show. but it is novel. a cop whose relationship with his own occupation is bitterly resigned at best and traumatic at worst.
this is far from an original thought, but truly i think what makes beyond evil worth watching is that it is so incredibly careful with itself. its meta awareness of its own genre heightens it to a tier above other crime dramasâit knows and rejects voyeuristic perspectives into the lives of people whoâve suffered real loss and tragedy, and so it makes the loss inescapable. every direction you look, someoneâs life has been irrevocably altered by the murders you learn about in the story. it gives you no space to push away the murderâno, you need to sit directly in its field of impact. all the fucking time. you are not watching the town suffer, youâre suffering with the town. the story sucks you in and makes you live alongside the rest of them; it's why the first watch hurts so raw. because the story refuses to let you take a true-crime approach. because it refuses to prioritize the narratives of perpetrators over human lives. you are there, and you are hurting.
man. really, if you're going to watch anything, watch this.
#really the homoeroticism is a bonus. but it's also not so much a bonus because it's not half-assed#the show does not run on its homoeroticism bc that is not what it wants to do. but the show DOES emphasize the degree#to which these two men mean something to each other. emotionally and thematically. their relationship development is woven in beautifully#beyond evil#kdrama#lee dongsik#han juwon#sheng says stuff
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[WWDitS finale spoilers]
Aside from the obvious â the gross shipbaiting and mocking naive viewers who dared to believe an m/m dynamic could be treated as anything other than the butt of the joke â my biggest issue with the WWDitS finale is that itâs an ending that could have made sense⌠but at most after s2. Back then, we were still watching a story about characters who didnât share any particular bonds (except for Nadja/Laszlo) and who were entirely static, unaffected by the things they experienced.
The thing is, the creators themselves realized you canât build a long-running story on that formula â eventually, the characters had to evolve at least a little, and their relationships had to deepen so viewers would have any reason to root for them. And so Guillermoâs position in the group began to change â first, he earned their minimal respect, then a very solid place, until finally, in season 5, all the other characters had reached a point where they didnât even hide that they genuinely cared about him a lot. The same happened with Colin, who at first was completely left out by the other housemates but gradually earned an equal spot in the group and developed that stupid yet sweet bond with Laszlo (erasing those memories was, imo, one of the writersâ biggest mistakes). Laszlo showed himself capable of empathy, which he proved again in s5 by helping Guillermo, and even Nadja, who used to completely disregard everyoneâs feelings, had several moments in later seasons where she openly cared â at least in her own way â Â about the others.
And of course, thatâs how we got the romantic subtext between Guillermo and Nandor. Over all those seasons â from s3 up until s6 â I was certain it was a classic will they, wonât they dynamic that would end with them getting together. I just couldnât believe the writers would spend the last 4 seasons making their relationship more equal and showing Nandorâs journey to realizing Guillermo genuinely mattered to him, only to do nothing with it â or worse, regress them back by three seasons. But the late s6 Nandorâs âno homoâ attitude has very little in common with the Nandor from seasons 4 and 5, who was openly pining and lusting after Guillermo.
From Guillermoâs perspective, this ending is an absolute tragedy â even the end of the previous episode gave him much more hope. Maybe heâd lost his lifelong dream and still hadnât found a new purpose, but he had found a family and a place in the world, with a potential chance to build something meaningful with Nandor in the future. I donât understand why this episode had to undo all of that â to show us that none of his friends really listen to him, that the power dynamic with Nandor will always be uneven, and that ultimately he wasted 16 years, and no one would really care that much if he left. Considering how great Guillermoâs development was, especially in gaining confidence from s4 onward, this ending feels so unfair and insulting to his character.
I feel like the writersâ biggest mistakes have been forcing a return to the status quo after every season. After the breakup in s3, the characters should have stayed apart for at least an episode or two. Colin should have remembered that Laszlo raised him, and they shouldâve kept their funny, fucked-up father-son relationship until the end of the show. Guillermo shouldâve been a real vampire for at least a full seasonâor, in my opinion, permanentlyâbecause, as it turns out, the writers had absolutely no idea what to do with his character once he lost that goal. Relationships that had evolved shouldnât be randomly reset by a couple of seasons just because the writers couldnât be bothered to put in the effort to write anything new for them.
You canât have your cake and eat it too â if the writers were so dead-set on giving us an  ending that says ânothing in these charactersâ lives matters, and nothing will ever change,â they should have made the show half as long and spared viewers the trouble of getting invested in character and relationship arcs that ultimately went nowhere.
This is a comedy show that was supposed to make people feel better. After this finale, I feel mocked by the creators for believing that the queer ship they sold me for 4 seasons had a chance of being treated equally to an m/f ship. Iâm also sad because the characters were regressed and left stuck in eternal limbo, and generally I feel ridiculed because the writers openly made fun of us for getting emotionally invested in the story they wrote for us.
And maybe the biggest crime of these last few episodes was that they werenât even remotely funnyâso you canât even say they prioritized comedy over character development, because it failed on that front too.
#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#wwdits spoilers#nandermo#guillermo de la cruz#way too serious thoughts about a show that never took itself seriously#but it really pisses me off that a production which got a couple of GLAAD awards and loved marketing itself as super queer#ends up mocking us so hard âš#this terrible finale has upset me and Iâm honestly so mad about it#because up until s6#this show was in top 5 of my fave comedies ever#Iâm afraid such a pointless insulting ending#will forever taint how I see the whole series#(just like HIMYM long time ago)
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Alright so it seems that I'm not quite done beating the horse that is the Bacon triptych - because the potential layers in its presence have me absolutely enthralled. As a visual element, it illustrates the "currently unfolding" part of the drama, but also appears to allude to a story that's yet to come; and, granted, that may be the brainrot speaking, but my art history fixation is insisting that there's gold in them hills, so bear with me here.
As tenuous as it may seem at first glance, I firmly believe that the writing itself supports my fascination with this piece. It demands to be noticed. It is a vivid splash of red in a box of brutalist grey; and, furthermore, unlike the other paintings in the Dubai penthouse, it's written into the dialogue. The camera lingers there - hence, the series wants us to pay attention; and, while its subject-level significance is not to be discarded, I cannot help but see another, similarly emotional allusion within the same frames.
Instead of drawing from the painting, this story layer connects more to the artist himself. One of the most notable periods of Francis Bacon's personal life was his relationship with George Dyer, which lasted from the 1960s to the early 1970s. Unlike his previous paramours - who were largely older (and, in the case of the last, abusive) men, Dyer was a young addict. Described as someone who could "throw a decisive punch," he was nevertheless vulnerable and trusting; as such, Bacon took on a dominant role, and Dyer became his muse. Among Bacon's portraits, he was ever-present; and though the relationship was tumultuous, often overwhelmed by their shared addictions, those paintings are uncharacteristically tender.
The story ended with tragedy - it's an account of drugs, alcoholism, neediness, dependence, classism, friction, and Dyer's eventual suicide; and within the context of IWTV, this framework is undeniably thematically relevant.
From the beginning - a decade-long involvement, addiction, an uncharacteristic tenderness - beat for beat, the book version of Devil's Minion is the same story, happening only a few years off. The presence of the Bacon painting within the Dubai penthouse is, in my opinion, an indicator to it having happened in the show as well. Just like Dyer, the TV version Daniel met Armand in a pub (or bar); just like Dyer, he is compact, athletic, pale, working-class - and, when under the influence, boisterous and active.
There is, naturally, one key difference; unlike Dyer, Daniel survives.
In the Doylist sense, the painting, therefore, acts as a visual cue - almost as evidence, of sorts. The memory of their entanglement may be effaced, but the blood-red stain of it is impossible to ignore, as is this placement:
I don't believe it is accidental that the painting is sold almost as soon as Daniel arrives in Dubai. It is an indication that the Devil and his Minion are no longer locked within a determined ending; their story continues, and memories are replaced with the real, living thing.
Edit: it bears pointing out that, while I had this post hanging in my drafts, convinced that I was reading far too much into something that already had another reason to exist, it's been announced that the relationship between Daniel and Armand is, in fact, going to be explored within the series. My every wish has been granted, and I can hardly wait.
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#amc iwtv#the vampire armand#daniel molloy#francis bacon#art#art history#devil's minion#armandiel#armandaniel#iwtv season 2#assad zaman#eric bogosian#luke brandon field#don't be afraid just start the tape
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i know that the eah books frame apple, briar and blondie as the 'main' royal trio and ashlynn is sometimes the plus one. then the webisodes sort of switches blondie and ashlynn's positions which i think makes it so much better.
here's my reasoning. boling it down to the basics, apple and blondie's future stories are both short tragedies followed by a long happy ever after. apple gets three trials from the evil queen and essentially gets poisoned for a week and her survival is ensured through all of it. blondie's story with the bears takes less time than that. heck, blondie barely suffers through it. the bears go more tragedy than her.
but briar and ashlynn's stories are much more darker and tragic than those two combined. briar falls asleep for a hundred years. when she wakes up, all her family, her siblings, her friends and everyone she's ever known are gone are long gone. she's displaced from her own time and saddled with a prince she has never met before. ashlynn's going to lose her mother and then her father and then has to suffer through years of abuse from her stepfamily and she just has to bear it. she's going to have lose to lose contact with her friends and break up with her boyfriend and go through all of it alone with just birds and mice to talk to. they both have to make it through so much hardship before they get their happily ever after.
(their ever afters aren't even 100% happy. when ashlynn gets her ever after, she'll eventually go through the last part of her cinderella story and knows that she won't live long enough to see her child reach adulthood. briar knows her child will be cursed too and she'll have to accept the fact that there's going to be that event where her child will fall asleep for a hundred years. they won't be dead, but it's close to a parent burying their own child. since snow whites aren't related to the evil queens in the world of ever after, only apple gets a perfectly happy ending to her story)
the webisodes deciding to surround apple with ashlynn and briar makes apple look so much more naive with her way of thinking. the extreme contrast with her path to her happily ever after compared to her 'bffs' portrays apple as someone who doesnt' think about other people's stories and just focuses on her own. the lack of compassion from apple (and other royals) towards ashlynn and briar is even enough to make ashlynn and briar rebel. apple's blinding excitement toward her future clashes extremely with ashlynn and briar's anxious dread towards theirs.
surrounding apple with briar and blondie just doesn't give the same effect.
in contrast to the royal side, there's the 'main' rebel trio where you have raven, maddie and cedar. maddie and cedar are happy with their stories and like where they end up. raven doesn't. rightly so because her fate isn't a happy one. but maddie and cedar feel so much love for their friend that they're willing to throw away their destinies, their potential happiness in the hope of being able to help her. they're willing to risk their happily ever afters so raven won't ever have to suffer.
what an interesting comparison between two groups when one is descirbed to be 'good' and the other as 'bad' when it's definitely the other way around.
the webisodes may be just marketing for the dolls but they do make some incredibly fantastic writing choices.
#ever after high#eah#apple white#raven queen#briar beauty#ashlynn ella#maddie hatter#cedar wood#blondie lockes#hunter huntsman#huntlynn#royals#rebels#idk if this makes any sense but yeah
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When writing fanfiction, there are a lot of unknowns surrounding Mobei-Jun that I answer based on what I think is compelling, funny, and/or contrasts well against SQH | Airplane Bro. (Sometimes, based on what contrasts interestingly and/or hilariously against Luo Binghe or Shen Qingqiu.) The choices I make for MBJ also depend on what suits that particular story.
An interesting question: "What kind of literature does Mobei-Jun like?" He's Airplane Bro's Ideal Man / Dream Guy! It's fun to think about what Mobei-Jun's relationship might be to fiction.
One choice that I've pulled a few times now is having Mobei-Jun be functionally illiterate, mostly because I think that situation is an interesting / amusing contrast to the guy who technically wrote the world into existence. Airplane Bro was cranking out thousands of words per day to eat, selling out his honest passion for literature, and Mobei-Jun can't / doesn't read.
There are lots of different potential reasons for this! Maybe Mobei-Jun is dyslexic. Maybe he desperately needs reading glasses and doesn't realize it. (Yes, maybe half of his glaring is just squinting.) Maybe his education was really bad because his family tried to murder him too many times. Maybe he just doesn't have any interest in fiction or in reading as a hobby in general, because paper / writing is rare in the Demon Realm for a variety of reasons and he's been busy building more relevant skills.
(Airplane Bro is shocked and offended, yes, but mostly because Mobei-Jun somehow successfully hid being unable to read from him for two or more decades. All of those "you read it" and "you write it" orders suddenly make so much sense.)
Another direction for "Mobei-Jun's relationship to media" that I've been enjoying lately as a premise is that Mobei-Jun is the sort of person who would have genuinely enjoyed "Proud Immortal Demon Way". But, like, in a weird way. Like, maybe Mobei-Jun isn't there for the women or the power fantasy, but he's fascinated by the cage of dissatisfaction, misery, and cruelty that the protagonist is building around himself using empty pleasures and merciless vengeance. Mobei-Jun is there for the tragedy. Everyone else in the comments section would think that he's a weirdo for different reasons, including Airplane Bro, but Mobei-Jun is (by accident) operating on a level where he sees the vision.
Alternate direction on "Mobei-Jun would like PIDW, actually": maybe he would like it because he actually loves trashy drama and stupid catfights. He's there for the comedy. He grew up in an environment where his father stole his uncle's wife and his own uncle tried to kill him multiple times, after all. In PIDW itself, right-hand man Mobei-Jun somehow successfully suffered years upon years of Luo Binghe's harem nonsense, and maybe Mobei-Jun was having the time of his life watching Sha Hualing start shit in the harem, actually!
Maybe in a Modern AU, Airplane Bro would try to sound intelligent and cultured by talking to his rich boss / boyfriend about classy literature, only to find out that Mobei-Jun basically only watches reality television competitions where people are constantly trying to tear each other's hair out for money. If people aren't screaming in each other's faces over a spilled glass of wine, throwing plates at each other over a stolen boyfriend or a ruined wedding, or backstabbing each other via wardrobe sabotage to get ahead, then Mobei-Jun is bored. Fighting matches or extremely dangerous sports are also fine, though, sure. (Airplane Bro doesn't like any of this stuff. He's a fantasy novel guy. He has no idea how to react to this.)
Another funny direction for "Mobei-Jun's relationship to media" is that maybe "Proud Immortal Demon Way" wouldn't actually be weird ENOUGH for Mobei-Jun's tastes. Maybe Mobei-Jun would be like that guy who claims "if I can guess the twist, then it's not suspense - suspense is when I don't know what's going to happen next, period" and reads long-running, amateur, foreign, abstract web-novels that he has to put through an online translator himself. Maybe in a Modern AU with this opinion, Mobei-Jun loyally watches telenovelas and Bollywood soap operas. Airplane Bro comes into the room and says, "Wow, not even any subtitles? You can understand what they're saying?" and Mobei-Jun says sincerely, "No. You have to figure out what's happening without them. This is the intended viewing experience."
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I was thinking a bit about character development.
Like, Cale, Choi Han, and Alberu have a beautiful friendship - and it grew over the course of the entire story.
I'm probably going to talk about later parts of the story, so Imma put the rest behind a divider so you can avoid spoilers
In the beginning, Choi Han was loyal to Cale but .. it was kind of shallow.
Choi Han didn't understand why they had to wear those shitty Arm robes, was shocked when Cale created his alibi by drinking, and so on and so forth.
He followed Cale, but he didn't really know Cale that well yet and that was clear.
Oh, and it was much more of a hierarchical relationship. Cale as his legs, Choi Han as Cale's knight.
This slowly began to change, though I think there were a couple of key turning points.
Cale almost dying after the Battle of the Gorge was one of them.
I think that's when Choi Han truly realized he couldn't trust Cale when it came to his health. Not that he hadn't seen signs before, but Cale always brushed things off and I think this was when Choi Han realized that no, it's really not okay, no matter what Cale says.
After that, we see Choi Han start asking more questions...
And Cale (with a clear flashback to his time as a team leader, where his people desperately wanted to help more) actually answered them.
The relationship started to shift, and become less liege and knight, and more colleagues. (This, btw, came from both of them. Choi Han asking more, and Cale telling more. Somewhat. A little bit.)
They definitely grow closer in other ways - Choi Han telling them about his long life after they found the Dragon Village, for example. (Though Cale already knew it, so you also see just how much Cale is still keeping his secrets).
And then...
We get Choi Han receiving Choi Jung Soo's memories.
That causes the biggest shift yet.
Now they aren't just liege and knight.
Now we have Cale thinking of Choi Han as his best friend's elder (even if Choi Han doesn't feel a need for that).
Also, Choi Han now knows. Not just that Cale is a transmigrator, not just about his life as Kim Rok Soo, not just about the cataclysm (and what happened to the Choi family).
He also knows about the tragedy that has pretty much defined Cale. He may not know about the aftermath, or Cale's time as team leader, but he knows that Cale was devastated after losing everyone.
We also see Choi Han (who got Syrem's ancient powers and now knows what it's like to use them) insist that Cale shouldn't absorb the Blood-drenched Rock power, a potential standoff that ended when Cale found another way and used Embrace instead.
They are no longer liege and obedient knight.
And then came the sealed god's test, where Choi Han gave up quite a lot of his potential lifespan, just to join Cale in one of the worst times of Cale's life.
And he was happy for it.
We see Cale truly overcome with emotion. The trust and friendship between the two of them is just beautiful.
And I truly meant to talk about Alberu as well (him joining them also adding to this) but I only realized when writing this just how much I had to say about Cale and Choi Han, so maybe I'll do that another time.
Anyways.
That still wasn't everything. Because we also had the indignity test...
And while I think the author didn't fully finish everything Choi Han saw because it'll probably come up in part 2 (it hasn't yet, but I think I see the author building up to something. Because so far they've all been too busy to really address a few things, plus apparently there's dragons dealing with time? Anyways, I suspect we'll get more on Cale's childhood, and what Choi Han knows, and some other things, but we'll see. It took almost 300 chapters in part 1 before we got all the amazing scenes with Cale and Choi Han and the sealed god's test and instant so I'm willing to let the author build things up again.)
Oh, sorry. What was I saying? Right.
Even though we don't have the full story, we know that Choi Han knows.
And in one of the side stories, he says this:
He didnât know at first, but that personâs days of rest that Choi Han saw was more of a period of recovery than days of rest. Of course, the person himself thought that he was playing around, but it did not seem like that to Choi Han at all. That was why his people, who at some point realized the meaning of this rest day, tried their best not to bother his recovery.
And again, in the same side story but referring to a moment later in part 1
Cale was mumbling. âHaaaa. Itâd be great to be a slacker.â Choi Han knew the meaning of those words. âI want to rest. I need to heal.â That should be the meaning. However, he now knew what Cale would say after that.
And skipping the specific details, what Choi Han probably meant when he said he knew what Cale would say after that
Cale looked toward the east and calmly commented. âThere are too many things to do, so I canât rest.â
Choi Han understands Cale 1000x more than he did when they started.
And Cale understands Choi Han better, too.
Which is probably a topic for a whole other post, considering Cale initially almost seemed to put Choi Han on a pedestal as the hero and protagonist of the story.
#tcf#lcf#trash of the count's family#lout of the countâs family#cale henituse#choi han#tcf novel spoilers#totcf
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Thoughts About the Potential Underlying Hidden Tragedy of Yanqing and Jing Yuan
that isn't just the "Yanqing will have to kill Jing Yuan eventually" red flags.
A relatively longer-ish post so thank you for bearing with me if you choose to do so!
I'd already been thinking about this whole mess of thoughts for a long while now, and so have other people, but the urge to write this came from a comment I saw on a post that mentioned how Yanqing had lost to "Jing Yuan's ghosts" and overall how it contributes to the dynamic of them being mentor/mentee + father/son. While the narrative seems to be leading to "Yanqing having to strike down a Mara-stricken Jing Yuan," there's just enough weird points that stick out to the point some alternative outcomes for Yanqing and Jing Yuan's fates to play out.
And while I anticipate HSR to follow that most expected point, I feel like there's enough there that could lead to a subversion or something more likely than that, an additional twist to the knife alongside the expected point.
Jing Yuan's Flaws as a Mentor and Father-Figure:
While most of us love the family fluff, I'm pretty sure we can all acknowledge the issues in Jing Yuan's approach and decisions in regards to Yanqing. Yeah, this is a fictional space game story where it's likely they aren't going to delve into the consequences of having someone as young as Yanqing be a soldier, there seems to be something there regardless. Like the brushes with death that he has and how we see him have to worry about the Xianzhou's security as a teen due to having a higher position in a military force. This is all set up for more of a coming-of-age type narrative for him, which HSR has done amazingly so far, but there are a lot of chances for this to explore something darker.
Among official media, the one time I could even remember the term "father" being used in relation to Jing Yuan is in Yanqing's official Character Introduction graphic:
Another notable thing that we see here is how we do have moments where Yanqing expresses thoughts and questions about his own origins and birth parents. The fact that even here, he wonders if the general is hiding something from him, sets off some alarm bells in my head. But he then brushes that off because he's always been with the General and Jing Yuan accepts him for who he is (which under the theory that Yanqing originates/is connected to the Abundace adds a whole heavy layer (this will be discussed in a later section)).
Yanqing does something similar in his texts:
As Huaiyan says to Jing Yuan:
"Yanqing can understand your concerns."
Alongside Yanqing generally being a considerate and polite boy, it can possibly be said that his eagerness to share Jing Yuan's burdens not only stems from his own gratitude towards him but possibly also Jing Yuan's distance.
As in, Jing Yuan doesn't really express his feelings so blatantly, and what we can clearly tell from when Yanqing first met "Jing Yuan's ghosts," neither does he speak much about his past too on a personal level. In Jingliu's quest, Yanqing says that Jing Yuan simply told him to forget everything he saw that day.
For Jing Yuan, the loss of the quintet is a grief that feels fresh in his heart, especially with echoes of them running around him. This is in the description for "Animated Short: A Flash":
(Will also talk about this in a different section)
While Yanqing learns about his General's past in a more direct manner (aka the people involved), it's sad how avoidant Jing Yuan is at times. While he's never been a upfront person, especially in the case of solving problems, I wonder if HSR would go as far as to show the negative side of that in terms of raising and teaching Yanqing.
History Repeats Itself (Sometimes It Don't Need A Reason):
+ the Jingliu parallels
Following up on that last image, Jing Yuan, especially in A Flash, has that whole "history repeating itself" thing going on for Jing Yuan. It points to Yanqing having to take down Jing Yuan but it also comes with a lot of its own possibilities and meanings.
It's blatant that Yanqing parallels Jingliu to an unsettling degree. Anyone who personally knows Jingliu and meets Yanqing sees her in him. Jingliu probably sees herself in him as well. Beyond powers and passion for the sword, her Myriad Celestia trailer shows that her principles before getting struck with Mara were the same as his. But it took her losing her dear friends in such a cruel and brutal manner (alongside how long she'd been alive) for all of that to fall out and form the version of her we see today.
And while it seems that Yanqing is deviating from Jingliu's due to the teachings he's learning, especially with Jing Yuan's effort, I feel like there's still a chance for things to go so wrong and mess with that. Yukong's line about him strikes me as concerning:
"A sword will vibrate and beg to be unsheathed if it is unused for too long... Once unsheathed, it will either paint the battlefield in blood, or break itself in the process..."
Even though I don't think HSR will go down a route of tragedy with Yanqing, like say, he gets Mara struck somehow or killed because that's not how Hoyo's writing has fully gone for playable characters (Misha and Gallagher aside in terms of death). Even in the most despairing parts for Hoyo's games, they're usually outlined and tinged with hope in one way or another. It's just that with what's been presented, there's got to be more here than meets the eye.
Yanqing's Origins - The Breaking Point:
From what we've been given, I think the number one thing that would have the potential of shaking Yanqing's entire sense of his life and the reality he lives in is learning where he comes from. Where he actually comes from has been a strange mystery since the beginning, how Jing Yuan getting him being recorded in the military annals of all places.
As shown from the screenshots of Yanqing's texts, he doesn't know and tries to brush it off because he's happy with Jing Yuan now. The choice to have this aspect here leaves a lot to ruminate on. What is Jing Yuan hiding? And if he really is witholding information, does he ever intend to tell Yanqing? If he doesn't and Yanqing finds out, how will it play out? And even if he does mean to tell him, depending on the severity, how will Yanqing take it?
It's why the theory that Yanqing is connected to the Abundance, possibly even coming from it directly, is as harrowing as it is.
With his arc in mind, will his development be enough to sustain him when he does find out the truth? If he finds out sooner than he should, will he be able to rise above it? And what of Jing Yuan? If confronted with a situation that's outside of his control again, what will he do and how will he react?
The potential in that scenario is so fascinating to me, because we can all anticipate the absolute gut punch that Yanqing killing his master would be. It fits Hoyo's writing style of something so sad but having a hopeful end for the future type beat. But the idea of that being twisted, that expectation being flipped on its head, could be so agonizing. It's not a narrative we see too often explored, at least in my experience, so maybe that's why I'm brainrotting over it so much lol.
#honkai star rail#hsr yanqing#jing yuan#hsr theory#character analysis#yanqing losing jing yuan is one thing but jing yuan losing yanqing is another lol#i really don't think hsr would do it like that but it'd be wild if they do#at most they're gonna do something that really fundamentally changes them as people haha#new form yanqing perhaps? haha ha#mara struck or abundance form yanqing would be devastating lolol#struggling jpg thinks
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Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 8 part 1
(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])
(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7])
EPISODE EIGHT. fasten your seat belts, get ready for some turbulence, nobody panic. things are going to become fucking sad, but you're going to be okay. yay?
for a fleeting moment at the beginning of the episode you get the mad hope that alice survived - that rio is going to spare her, somehow
but the camera keeps spinning, keeps spinning, and we're upside down. this show is so good at evoking uncanny vibes with simple practical effects. not to mention the great callback to lilia flipping the room at the end of last episode. we are on the other side now, we're not in kansas anymore.
and this is of course rio collecting alice's soul, and it's where she disappeared to at the end of episode 5. I find rio's choices here so brilliant, because we know that she chooses the way she appears to souls. she is not being mean per se, she's woken alice up so gently and she's talking in a soft voice. but she looks fucking scary too, there is no questioning who she is or what she's doing here. indeed alice doesn't question her former companion being the grim reaper. it's like, rio is willing to go slow, but alice still needs to know right away that there is no escape.
alice's quiet devastation as she sees her own dead body. as much as I would have liked to see lilia walk away with her Death, I'm so glad we got alice instead. lilia died on her own terms and on such a high note. alice's story needed to take one last breath. literally.
this whole scene to me perfectly encapsulates the message of the show. beautiful, strong alice, alive one moment and gone the next, just like that. how can one come to terms with that?
words that sound mocking, but aren't. it's like accusing the ocean or the stars of being cruel. nature doesn't carry any ill intent, it simply exists.
but look what happens next. rio's smile fades at alice's despair. because rio is a willing agent of nature and balance, but also - and that's the brilliancy and tragedy of this character - rio is capable of love. she has an impossible job and she's damn good at it, but it takes a toll. she bent the rules of nature once, for the one person she loves more than the universe itself. she won't go that far for anybody else, but she has gotten to know alice, she felt true companionship with her - alice's loss is hurting on a personal level.
I've seen so many 'alice's death doesn't sit right with me' takes. YEAH, YOU THINK?!! alice's death is AWFUL. she lived all her life under this horrible curse and died one moment after liberating herself. all her hopes, all her goodness, all her potential, gone. it's MONSTROUS. it's UNFAIR.
it is monstrous that people (and children, dear god, children!) die all the time of disease, or wars, accidents, calamities. go scream at the sky about it. see if it answers back.
you died protecting someone. it's so matter-of-factly.
have you ever watched blade runner 2049? (if you haven't major spoilers ahead). ryan gosling's character, a replicant, believes he might be special, a chosen one, but turns out he was just a cog in the machine. he dies protecting harrison ford who is of course the real hero of the story. the bittersweet implication being that he didn't die in vain, that no matter how small his role in the overarching story, his life mattered and is worth remembering. but he still died alone and bleeding under the snow. it's a much bleaker message than the sweeping hero tales of old, but is not completely devoid of hope.
rio wishes to give alice's brief existence some closure, some meaning. alice died selflessly, doing something she truly believed in: isn't that worth something?
and yet. alice is still dead, all of rio's good intentions won't spare her. we do need to be kind to each other and uphold our humanity in the face of tragedy, even if it hurts like a bitch, even if it won't change a thing. be kind, if you find the strength for it. create meaning where there isn't. it's all we have in common. it's all we can do.
alice visibly recoils at rio's words. they're not enough, nothing is ever going to be enough.
and that's why I think rio had to look so damn scary in this scene, even if she's being patient and so gentle under the circumstances. her role as Death has to come before her personal feelings, that is her job and her choice.
oh, alice. my sweet alice.
lilia saw Death coming and went willingly. alice said no and cried as she stepped through the threshold. again, I am SO glad we were shown this. she wasn't as brave as lilia, but I dare you to call her a coward or to love her any less.
GOD jen's ear-piercing SCREAM. what did I just say about lilia's death being better? screw that. death is an equalizer. nobody is spared.
jen has held it together so far. eyes on the prize, no pity for anyone else involved. look at her crumble.
billy is speechless. this is the third time he has known grief in however many hours, and each time worse than the previous one. he has lost all of his innocence. and the light, the light. everything is green, it's rio, rio, rio.
remember when agatha was so afraid of Death in episode 3 that she tried to break a glass window, and everybody laughed? so funny, wasn't it?
and here she is, fucking terrified, running through green light.
and then she sees her.
your coven is shrinkiiiiiiing. oh it's so nice to finally see her with her crown. I pray and hope to see agatha wearing a crown some day.
first alice, now lilia. I love that it's so heavy, I love all the implications. it was never only about agatha trying to avoid an ex. it's what rio represents, it's what rio did to alice and lilia.
it's what she did to nicky.
except it wasn't her! she's just the ferryman! and if anyone, agatha killed alice and lilia! we just saw rio's heart ache for alice as she collected her soul! they're both lashing out at each other because they can't handle this impossible heaviness between them. agatha is being cruel because she's in pain. rio is being cruel because she's in pain. it's such a mess.
this is all I have in me tonight, fuck this show is too much. and we've just started the episode! there is a lot to unpack, the closer I look at things the sadder it gets.
go to episode 8 part 2
#agatha all along#agatha deep dive#alice wu gulliver#rio vidal#agatha harkness#jennifer kale#billy maximoff#character study#death tw#grief tw#mortality tw
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Thinking about headcanon established relationship Skystar in Transformers One setting where before Sentinelâs betrayal, theyâve already completed the conjunx ritus many cycles ago and have been together for a while, though they often have to spend time apart more often now because Starscream chose to join the High Guard switching from scientist to warrior when the war with the Quintessons got more serious. Over the cycles Starscream climbs his way up the ranks and becomes leader of the High Guard, while Skyfire works in his lab. They still do the equivalent of video calling when they can and see each other when Starscream has leave to visit home. And despite the war, theyâre just so happy together.
And then one day everything changes. We the audience know that Sentinel betrayed the Primes and that the High Guard managed to survive. But the official story Sentinel tells is that everyone died. And I think about it from Skyfireâs point of view his entire world just falls apart that day. Skyfire thinking Starscream died and mourns for 50 cycles. The planetâs flow of energon disappearing seems to reflect how he feels in his spark as if all the life has drained away from it. What if he races in the Iacon 5000 every cycle because itâs a fast paced, often dangerous race and itâs the exact kind of thing Starscream would love and he does it cause it makes him feel closer to Starscream as a way to cope. But no matter how fast he flies he can never outrun his grief.
Meanwhile imagine Starscream holds back from contacting Skyfire because no matter how badly he wants to talk to his conjunx, it is too much of a risk that Sentinel could find out and kill Skyfire if he thinks the other is a loose end that needs to be silenced. We know Alpha Trion called for the High Guard with the distress beacon, but we also know that distress call ended up in the trash meaning it likely never made it to them. But we also know that Starscream did see/is aware of Sentinel being a traitor so itâs likely they made it to the cave so word must of reached them eventually that the Primes called for backup, but they probably arrived too late to save anyone. And I just think about the potential tragedy if Starscream had considered the Primes as people he cared about. Like heâs probably fought side by side with them, talked with them, exchanged jokes, looked up to them, and his duty was also to protect them. And he probably feels like he failed them. Like he just watched his leaders/comrades be betrayed and killed in front of him and now he and his troops are all alone. And heâs probably scared and has no one else to turn to for help or guidance. Like the High Guard likely looked to the Primes for orders and guidance for large matters, but now itâs just them left. The Matrix is gone, energon stops flowing so thereâs a lack of food, the High Guard are being hunted down on top of it, and theyâve just watched the strongest amongst them be slaughtered. And Starscream is the only leader they have left and thereâs the added weight that if they die the truth of Sentinelâs actions die with them. And as the leader of the High Guard many of the others are probably looking to him to know what to do in this situation now and he doesnât know, but that wonât help anything so he probably pretends that he knows what he is doing and focuses on the immediate things he can control/address like finding food and shelter.
Like sure he did not manage to take out Sentinel on his own, but he kept everyone alive for 50 cycles on the surface where the landscape is dangerous and both the Quintessons and Sentinel are hunting them down. I personally headcanon that though the High Guard has always been militaristic in its behavior the more extreme âmight makes rightâ probably developed over the cycles as a way to maintain order and keep everyone from cannibalizing each other (metaphorically speaking or maybe even a little literal as there was likely a food shortage often). Like he was probably dealing with a large group of people who were both traumatized and constantly hangry for a long time. There were probably those who challenged Starscreamâs decisions or those who grew desperate to return to Iacon or other cities to talk to loved ones as the cycles added up over the years and as a way to stop people from foolishly running off and getting killed that could lead others to the rest of them and get everyone else killed he probably resorted to the âstrength of one bot over anotherâ thing. Anyway I donât blame Starscream for not leading a head on attack against Sentinel throughout the years considering the circumstances, if I had to deal with the weight of all that I probably would have broken not even halfway through. Were the High Guard probably slowly losing it with each cycle? Probably. But they did survive for a long time and thatâs impressive in its own right. I like to think that Starscream would constantly tell himself that one day when Sentinel was dead heâd get to reunite with Skyfire and it was one of the things he clung onto to not fall into despair.
#transformers#transformers one#skystar#tf one#starscream#skyfire#transformers one spoilers#tf one starscream#tf one spoilers#headcanon#long post
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Did you play the pristine cut of STP? What do you think of Dragon, Cage and HappilyEverAfter if so?
Spoilers for STP pristine cut under read more (+ a lot of text warning)
Hehe I see STP ppl are excited and want more silly comics
Well thereâs a lot of things to say tbh đ
Overall really enjoyed new content so far
It kinda feels like a fanservice for the people who already played the game
Which is not a bad thing, donât get me wrong âď¸
I just view the original game as a perfect instalment, which doesnât really need a continuation
New scenarios is just a pleasant bonus
(Iâm one shot/short story fan okay đđ)
I already saw Dragon and Happily After routes
Yet to see all the variations the Cage route has to offer (heard ppl said itâs the most diverse one)
The Princess and The Dragon
HEY REMEMBER HOW I SAID I DONâT LIKE THE IDEA OF CHANGING THE GENDERS OF THE CHARACTERS BC THAT WAY THE DYNAMIC WOULD BE UNSETTLING?
YEA SO THIS ROUTE EXPLORED THAT DYNAMIC GUYS
I enjoyed this route, bc again
Itâs scary, uncomfortable, makes you feel unsafe and uneasy đď¸đď¸
Awesome depiction of how scary this type of situation would be
And of course bonus points, we got to see the bird bois đ
(Opportunist go brush yo teeth, u spooky lookin ass)
Happily ever after
Ok
Noooow weâre talking
I love that route, itâs my favourite so far
The pain, the suffering, the absolutely devastated British crowman
Brilliant, chills
This one actually feels like a missing part of the og game to me
I wanted to go into details about my opinions on that route in the future post
But now I want to talk đ
đSmittenđmy boyđhow are you in your edgy villain era already omg
Can we just admit for a second how badass Smitten is for escaping protagonistâs body?
Like-đĽ
This was the first route I saw and was like âOoooh thatâs probably the new gimmick, every voice is doing to escape and shenanigans happenâ AND NO Smitten is just that guyâ˘ď¸ absolute chad
Minus points for âwe will give her something she doesnât know she wants yetâ
*hits Smitten with newspaper*
Bad voice đĽđď¸bad đĽđď¸ we listen to what đĽđď¸our queen đĽđď¸wants đď¸đĽđď¸đĽđĽ
But it works okay
The atmosphere is immaculate, I was legit concerned for a moment
Ok now give me a moment to be a nerd âď¸đ¤
I love how this route gives Smitten flaws
I think finally we saw that every voice has them, because voices are an isolated part of a person, a pure feeling if you will
And Smitten represents that naĂŻve love idealisation/love obsession
The guy loves the princess, she is pure perfection to him
This feeling is blinding and honestly pretty toxic irl
During the whole og game Smitten was never conflicting?
He pretty much the comedic relief of the whole game (and least it felt like that to me)
I think he was kinda a missed potential
Yes, love is sweet
Crushes are can be funny, silly and overall just positive
But it can be so destructive, so painful and so so exhausting when it gets to the point of obsession
And that route gives you a direct illustration of it
Which is amazing
I honestly think we donât have enough media just showcasing this feeling of obsessive love and how dangerous it is
(yandere trope doesnât count đż this trope just kinda glorified the issue)
And the tragedy is SMITTEN IS TOO DELUSIONAL TO EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT HEâS DOING WRONG
My poor poor birb boy
Heâs too focused on doing everything perfectly, to make princess satisfied, to make us satisfied, why isnât it working? He does everything he can, why doesnât it work? How doesnât it work?
HEâS TOO LOVESTRUCK TO TAKE A STEP BACK AND REFLECT
AAAAAAAAA
God Iâm insane about Happily ever after
As a person who struggles with this exact feeling of idolising and obsessing over ppl, I just really feel that route
Goth Smitten incoming *coughs*
Thanks for your question â¤ď¸ hope you enjoyed reading my mess of thoughtsđĽ
Share your thoughts in comments/reblogs if you want ppl
#bear answers#stp#slay the princess spoilers#slay the princess#slay the princess pristine cut#stp pristine cut#stp pristine cut spoilers#stp spoilers#happily ever after#the princess and the dragon#stp damsel#stp spectre#fanart incoming#soon âď¸#idk how soon but ideas are there#please donât pressure me bc I will turn into a play dough#or a puddle#yea puddle is more accurate probably#play dough puddle#đĽđťââď¸
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