#{/both for its personal significance and ALSO as i mentioned}

[nostalgebraist]

In the comments of the LW xpost of the void, Janus writes

[models trained post-bing ai] have a tendency to "roleplay" Sydney when they're acting like chatbots, leading to misaligned behaviors. One way to address this is to penalize any mention of Sydney or Sydney-like behavior. This may generalize to the model being unwilling to even talk about Sydney or acknowledge what happened. But it is less likely to actually erase its knowledge of Sydney, especially if it was so salient that it often roleplayed/identified as Sydney earlier in pre-training.

Is this broadly accurate, would you say? And is there a reason ai companies do this in training, instead of e.g. stripping out any prior ai-user transcripts from the common crawl as part of broader filtering of the dataset, so the model has "no preconceptions" tying it to older models?

I think this is broadly accurate, yes.

On the filtering question, I think the answer is just that it would be fairly difficult/costly/time-consuming in practice, and the companies just don't care that much.

(Also, they might be worried that such filtering would adversely impact the model's practical usefulness. If you can avoid it, you typically don't want to make your model confused/ignorant about some real-world topic, especially if it's a topic that users are likely to bring up when talking to an LLM-based chatbot.)

The datasets used for pretraining are so huge that any kind of filtering or preprocessing applied to the whole dataset is typically pretty simplistic and "dumb," at least compared to the kinds of magic we expect from things like LLMs these days.

In cases where the methodology is publicly known – which is a significant caveat! – a representative type of filtering involves using relatively weak (but cheap) ML models to label whether the text relates to some broad topic like "computer science," or whether it's "toxic" (in the peculiar sense of that word used in ML, see here), or whether it looks like an outlier with respect to some smaller dataset trusted to contain mostly "good" text (whatever that means). These models inevitably make mistakes – both false positives and false negatives – and you can't really expect them to filter out absolutely everything that matches the condition, it's more that using them is a big improvement over doing nothing at all to filter on the category of interest.

But if you really want to make a model that doesn't know about some relatively well-known aspect of the real world, despite having very strong general knowledge in other respects... then you'd need to be much subtler and more precise about your filtering, I'd expect. And that's going to be nontrivially costly in the best case; in the worst case it may not even be possible.

Like, where exactly do you stop? If you just filter transcripts involving recent chatbots, how do you know whether something is such a transcript (in many cases this is obvious, but in many others it isn't!). Should you filter out any text in which someone quotes something a chatbot said? What about texts that describe chatbot behaviors in detail without quoting them? If you want to be doctrinaire about eliminating knowledge of chatbot behavior, you might have to go this far or even further – but at this point, we're filtering many texts that would otherwise be very high-value, like academic papers that convey important information about recent ML progress, news stories about how LLMs are impacting real people, a lot of the content on various blogs you (tumblr user kaiasky) personally think are good and worth reading, etc.

IIRC Janus and others have speculated that even if you did this "perfectly," the model would still be able to sense the "topic-shaped hole" in the data, and form some sort of representation of the fact that something is missing and maybe some of that thing's properties (derivable from the "shape of the hole," e.g. facts like "there are weirdly few public communications about AI after ~2021 despite indirect indications that the field was having more real-world impact than ever before"). I think something like this is probably at least kinda true, at least in the limit of arbitrarily strong base models... but also I doubt we'll ever find out, because there just isn't enough of an incentive to run a costly and risky "experiment" of this kind.

[narwhalandchill]

got requested to share my xueyi build so!!! here it is :]

(+ EU server crew - shes on my supports rn if u wanna add me to try her out alongside e1 RM and e0s1 blade)

anyway some notes:

a bit of xueyi 101 to start out jic - the atk orb and break rope are the standard for her; her break effect to dmg% conversion A2 trace makes quantum dmg a joke whereas her sources of atk are very limited. build-wise as this freaky puppetcore weirdgirl crit/break hybrid she wants it all rly; both crit, BE and atk, but prioritizing crit until some sort of 1:2 (guides tend to put 60/120 as the baseline) is key.

S5 aeon is perfectly fine and its what i used to have on her, i pulled indelible promise in order to end the custody battle over aeon between her and DHIL lmao (+ new gacha 4* LCs in hsr are like new 4* charas luckily - indelible promise after its initial release patch in 2.0 is now a permanent offrate on all banners except for beginner, phew). the crit on it is especially nice, rly hope i get spooked with some superimpositions in the future.

she shouldnt be on glamoth anymore really - this showcase is with her on spd boots (as you can see. duh) and she does reach the 135 spd for the 1st glamoth buff requirement when with RM (which is every time i play her) so its fine, but as i swap to atk boots when with sparkle im sure you can see why it would be... suboptimal. problem is. well. look at her rope. still havent managed to roll a comparable salsotto one so 💀 we live with this.

her relics are still a bit scuffed (chest and both her atk and spd boots are. fine. but could be better) but since i often have fx and sparkle patching up her crit its fine for now.

also yes i shouldve unlocked those last few quantum dmg and BE traces ages ago but its not rly that impactful when her dmg% is already as high as it is with the amount of BE i have on her so oh well x)

obviously given her dependence on break xueyis far from an universal dps - i only use her in heavily quantum weak fights (or in SU where u can get blessings to spam her ult for the weakness ignoring attack) but when she gets to shine she shreds So hard i love her sm 🥰🥰

+ heres the atk boots build ig. not that much changing as you can see but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[blindedguilt-archived]

🔁 |[HIT ME. ♥]|

"You're going to get us killed." - Interaction Rewrite Prompts!

For Leonard, the weight of a child's blood upon his weapon was heavier than anything else he had handled before in his lifetime.

He hadn't the honour to have even called it the first, but different from his brothers, who had found their end directly by the blades of the Empire, there was no hope for the blame of responsibility to be lifted off his shoulders now that he had wielded that same blade himself.

Leonard's breathing was panicked and uneven. A cold sweat ran down his back as the sensation of the light body being flung backwards shot once more through his arms - he felt ill. Had he died? Had he done away with his life in that forest and been sentenced to hell? Perhaps it was all a punishment, an eternity spent in war, ending the lives of children just as he had his brothers. The screams had sounded too familiar for comfort.

He couldn't, couldn't bring himself to fight. The stakes didn't come to him. The seal didn't exist to him. The usually tranquil forest had roared with the sounds of the clashing steel, the hurried footsteps, the cries and mockery of the faerie - something like the dragon's voice had called his name in harsh rebuke, and whether it truly was her or Caim, Leonard didn't understand and stumbled blindly back to the garrisons in a piteous attempt to flee.

Too cowardly to die, and too starved to survive.

All that was clear to him against the roar of noise was his own breathing, the feeling of his heart pounding in its chest, and the crushing weight of the guilt from that thought repeating itself in his head like a mantra. Leonard struggled to break out of it - do or say something that could stop this madness. Anything. A sickened cry sounded at the sound of the mercenary's own cold reproach, and the hermit struggled to respond.

"Caim, please...!"

He had tried to utter words, either protest or a plea, but his throat had grown tight and left only a quiet whimper. Was that all he could do? Beg...? Leonard's weapon trembled in his hands. He was truly weak... He could have done more than beg. Just like his brothers, there was a thought that told him that he could have saved them. But, it was all the same. His family murdered for the sake of shameful pleasure. The blood of children spilled only for his own protection - his own cowardice to even die correctly. All for himself, a pathetic existence unable to even lift a finger against the slaughter of children.

Some wretched noise, a ragged fight for strained breath against the pounding heart in his chest, could be heard against the armoured thumps of bodies against the ground. Even from a distance, Leonard's frozen body could be seen trembling uncontrollably. The polearm dangled limply from his hands.

"They are only mere children...!"

The last uttered words before the hermit collapsed to his knees were a heart-wrenching sob.

Not a voice of disgust, but a cry in horror.

[darabeatha]

@furiaei replied ; Parma wants a word with him... over a shared red wine so fine you'd have said angels wept on that beverage

/ Your honor; there is no plausible reason for him to reject this offer, considerably less if you take into account the possibility that this esteemed gentleman could be an important commissioner in the future

[cl-0v3r]

Mel is alive, but at what cost

Mel was nearly killed TWICE, her mother began being a struggle, she'd been thrown aside and trying her best to stop her, her boyfriend is not doing well, neither is anyone else (can't blame them) and the fact that she hadn't cried or spoke much about this situation to anyone a single time?? She IS upset about every single thing, yet she stays strong and enduring every bit of torture. The most she did was tell Jayce that Ambessa put her palm on the table, and let him know that she is going to push for hextech. That's it, nothing remotely related to her feelings.

The fact that she was constantly looking at Caitlyn, being able to understand her grief and knew she was in pain?? Mel knows this feeling. She'd went through it.

And in the end SHE has to pay the price of her mothers incompetence.

The intro is very much foreshadowing, we know the hands represent black rose/LeBlanc.

This is what happens in act one, she gets kidnapped by them. The lyrics do correspond to the characters as well (not just Mel, everyone.)

"Tell you you're the greatest" plays as a petal of the black rose floats down the screen, I think it adds significance to the power this organization holds, possibly the Medardas greatest foe.

"But once you turn, they hate us" both Ambessa and Mel were present in this line, I think its foreshadowing for when Ambessa switches up for whatever reason and goes against both Piltover AND Zaun. And Mel WILL go through change as well, a change that could hurt her relationship with others, and receive interest from others too.

"They hate us" could be read individually too, I feel like its a sort of "realization" ?? Perhaps Ambessa WASN'T the one that switched up, maybe Piltover switched up on them, and maybe Mel JUST got out of wherever she's taken to, and saw the mess Ambessa had done to her city??

I think this represents ACT TWO.

The hands pull away and it sort of looks like Mel is fighting back, a "get away from me" type of scream. you know what this reminds me of??

Don't mind me just pushing my Jinx/powder-Mel parallel agenda

Here is when i think Mel truly learns about LeBlanc/BR, she curiously and slowly goes to grab the rose, she learns about the history between her Mother and them, Kinos death, and most of all, learns about HERSELF. The lyrics speak otherwise.

"Pray away, I swear

I'll never be a saint, no way"

This feels like a parallel to caitlyn of sorts if that makes sense. Caitlyn had done everything to try and stop the council from attacking the Undercity, she kept her mouth shut when Jayce asked about Jinxs grenade, she was willing to protect Vi and the undercity, but how many times has she been tossed around? She'd been burned, exploded, kidnapped (god knows what happened during that time) and hit in the face by the same person, her MOTHER died because of the same person. She has every right to go insane. And she is hunting ONE person, which is Jinx. Although she is harming the people around her along the way.

What if Mel goes through a similar situation? Her mother pushed for war in her city, she dragged the enemy along with her even if she didn't mean to, she manipulated everyone around her INCLUDING Jayce, she LITERALLY got Mel hurt from the chembarons attack and killed so many people during a MEMORIAL to get her hextech weapons, Elora is most likely DEAD, not to mention whatever happened in the past between them. And the thing is, this will NEVER end throughout the entire season.

And what if she learns what she is? That she's 'blessed' by Kindred? The fact that the wolf is quite literally in her blood?

I feel like the "ill never be a saint, no way" also sort of indicates Mel will realize she'll never be able to push for peace and mercy like she always hoped for no matter what, and she comes to accept that as much as it hurts. But not like how ambessa accepted the wolf, but she sort of realizes she needs to push a little violence, towards nobody but the one and only, Ambessa "fine, if you want me to be like you, I guess I'll be like you towards YOU." Type of acceptance.

I think its also related to Mels new outfit too, she's dressed like her mother, in red and all of that. I will still stand by the idea that she has plans to decieve, but she will do something she doesn't want to do.

Mel was left with no choice, that lyric sounds like realization, acceptance, but also like a plea at the same time, an "I'll never be who I wanted to be" because in the end, she's still a Medarda, she's still her mothers daughter, she still has violence in her veins, she will never not suffer from the weight her name holds, and she will never escape it either, its like a shadow.

The Characters won't be themselves at their core this season. And those vital parts of their characters that represent them are no longer there in the intro, they all have given up what makes them, THEM design wise. (e.g.) Vi without her tattoo, Viktor hiding his identity with the mask. And the thing is, they did that to themselves because they do self-harm, they're changing themselves because THEY want to, they're forcing themselves to do that, they think they're undeserving and they're erasing their past selves.

But Mel? Mel doesn't have her gold accessories, Jewelry, or her Armor, she'd been stripped bare and hidden away because of the brutality of her name. She pays the price her mother brought to HER city. She's forced to change herself against her will, because nobody is giving her a chance to push for her ideals.

This entire theory never ends, and with all of this? I kinda do see Mel actually committing Matricide, it lifts the "Ambessa will die" theory further.

[yintous]

꒰ 💌 ꒱ ─── 𝓗EY LOVER! ㆍ₊⊹

gn! reader ; batboys and the little things they do for you. however, are they really considered little things when they harbor such significant contributions to your relationship? [headcanons!]

notes. fluff, not proofread, &&. established relationship. more content under the cut. happy reading :D! [masterlist]

DICK GRAYSON

on everyone’s soul, dick grayson is the epitome of yearning!!! (we’re all LIVING)

this is so random but i feel like he’d be the type to know when your alarm blares so he’d be the one to snooze it at the right time to avoid the alarm from blaring into your eardrums in the morning; he’d be the one to wake you up instead

whenever he’s free, he sends you pictures of things that remind him of you with little to no context. for example, he could send a picture of your favorite drink before sending a text that just said “you”

makes a list of upcoming things he knows you’d enjoy (such as new movies coming up that coincidentally have your fav genre, a new album from your favorite artist, etc). he marks them on his calendar and never fails to set up a date with you involving those things

has a habit of stroking your hair or back whenever he holds you because he knows it’s easier for you to relax that way

JASON TODD

def never forgets to send you “goodnight” and “good morning” messages

i like to think that he’s actually really gentle when it comes to his significant other as well as really communicative. after arguments, when words aren’t enough, he gives you little acts of service as a way to apologize

for example, he makes sure your food is heated up just right before you decide to eat dinner— if not, he was probably too busy setting up a warm bath for you, along with your favorite bubble bath products already restocked

i also feel like he’d be subtly clingy?? like clingy to the point he’d recognize your little habits and because of his clinginess, he recognized more of what little acts of services he could do for you

for example, if you’re the type to constantly forget your keys, your umbrella, etc., he’ll place them on a surface you don’t often miss, like a little reminder

TIM DRAKE

one time you broke your earphones and you suddenly saw new ones sitting on your desk, with a letter that had nothing but a small heart messily drawn on it

tends to make two cups instead of just one whenever he makes coffee or whenever he buys energy drinks, he buys two of yours and two of his (both of you down them together)

whenever you mention any problems— especially with technology, he makes sure to help you as soon as he could. you spilled water on your laptop? it’s suddenly fixed the next day. your necklace is tangled? turns out he had a bit of free-time a few hours ago and you’re free to wear it untangled once again.

if you are the type of person to yap about similar interests like certain tv shows, books, etc. he’d hold off from consuming its media so you’d have the opportunity to ramble to him about them in your own little way

DUKE THOMAS

the type to know your preference on EVERYTHING, like if you prefer earphones over speakers and vice versa, if you prefer black coffee over brown, etc.

def greets you at 12 am whenever it’s your birthday. he made it into a little tradition and would fall deeper in love with you if you returned the gesture

lists down all the songs you’ve recommended to him and puts all of them into a spotify playlist; he listens to the playlist whenever he doesn’t have you around or on his free-time in general

helps you untangle your hair in the morning and you swear he has a talent for it. his touch is as gentle as a feather

if you have glasses, he carries a microfiber fabric around just in case you’d need it to wipe your lenses

© yintous do not copy, repost, plagiarize, or feed any of my work into ai.

[tigerpearlsworld]

Pick a card

Who is coming towards you in love?

Before you choose a pile, take a moment to breathe deeply and connect with your intuition. This is a general pick-a-card reading, where the universe's infinite energies align with your path to bring you the guidance you need.

Know that you can only choose one pile. The message you receive is not just for you to resonate with, but for you to realize in time as the truth unfolds in your journey. To truly receive your message, you must follow your heart’s instinct, not your expectations. Look beyond the surface and see what your soul is trying to reveal to you.

How to choose your card:

Breathe in deeply. Breathe out slowly.

Light a candle or incense and clear your mind.

Meditate on the beating of your heart, allow your thoughts to flow naturally.

Let go of doubts, and trust what your heart is guiding you towards.

Close your eyes,visualise a light forming in your heart and feel it's pull.

When you open your eyes choose the image that your heart calls to the most.

For some of you maybe number, colour or image will help.

A final message for you: Your heart is your guide, not your mind. Surrender to the wisdom that lies within you.

And for those who are seeking answers about love, fate, and destiny, I send my prayers to the stars to bless you with clarity, strength, and the energy to embrace your path.

May you receive what you meant to know.

( Choose the pile: )

Pile 1:

Pile 2:

Pile 3:

The reading starts. . .

Pile 1:

Cards: ( 8 of Wands, 7 of Cups, the Magician, 9 of Wands, the Star )

Message: Restoring faith in love

love is coming in swiftly, possibly through online communication or unexpected events. I see that the person coming in may have many options or be a bit idealistic in love and like that they might also bring an element of fantasy or confusion in your life. I also feel this group has manifested this person and that this person who is coming toward you is charismatic, skilled at communication, and knows how to make things happen. They might be very confident, persuasive, or even a little bit mysterious.

But what I also feel for this person is that while this person may be coming in fast and with playful energy, they could also have been through challenges in love and may be somewhat defensive or cautious.yk.

It's weird to say this but I've mentioned this before and I just get this strong sense of manifestation, divine blessing and I feel this connection you'll have this person is something which is meant to happen...yk? And like this connection is very fated.

So basically who is coming towards you in love?

The person who is coming towards you in love is likely to be exciting and charismatic, but .....but...they may also have moments of indecision or be slightly guarded due to past experiences. Their presence in your life seems significant and this connection with them will be fated...its something which has been weaved by the threads of destiny itself and has the potential in helping to restore your faith in love.

*such a beautiful reading (ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ)*

A song for you:

Pile 2:

Cards: ( seven of swords, three of cups, queen of swords, the star, queen of cups )

Message: intense and passionate

I see that the person coming could be someone who is very intense, passionate, and often carries a deep emotional undercurrent inside them....there is something....hmm...very scorpionic about them tbh. I see they might have a mysterious aura, strong personal boundaries, and a past emotional wound that still influences and haunts them. I see this person has gone through a lot of difficult and traumatic relationships, making them both deeply transformative, introspective, selective and guarded.

Now I also see that when this person enters your life be careful because..... Because!! This person.....THIS PERSON will not reveal their true intentions right away to you and with you 👏👏👏Write it down.note it down.they won't. They will be careful with you....with what they said...their words ....there is this sort of like.... hesitation I feel to fully open up.

Now I also wanna add up that there is this..... social connection or friendship aspect in how they enter your life tbh. Like ....I see you might meet this person through mutual friends, social events, or an environment where there is some sort of celebration or occasion idk...but you get my point ☝️

I see this person who is coming towards you to have a sharp mind, strong communication skills and a direct approach to relationships when they reach that point of wanting it that is. I also see they don’t tolerate dishonesty, any sort of bullshit, lies and are clear-headed and logical in love. Like they can play games sometimes just to test you but don't you play games with them....Cuz like if they see you lying they're gonna dip....it's like for them:

But hear me out I feel like again this connection is something significant for both of you....I feel that although there will be some and by some I mean a lot of heat in the relationship but I feel like this connection will ultimately bring emotional renewal and clarity in maybe yours or theirs or maybe both of yours....but I see that.

But ayyy....listen despite this person's sharp, guarded exterior....I see this person is just a big softie inside lol like they idk why but I'm remembering (Aquarius/Capricorn/Virgo/Scorpio and Cancer energy also gemini for some but the dominant is Scorpio lol also add aries cuz I remembered out of the blue ik.....) anyway as I was saying they have a deeply emotional and loving side but.....BUT!!!! It only comes out when trust is established. And baby 🤣🤣 they're gonna dragggggg your ass to hell and heaven to see if you're fit for that trust lol. So take how you wanna take.

I also wanna say something it's random but like this person could be bipolar Af too....ikik random also just the energy yk.... But Like people or you may think this person to be involved when actually they're not but it's just ig misunderstanding??? Due to how aloof and secretive and hidden and lets think ...hm..... Just guarded they are

So basically who is coming towards you in love?

I see this person is someone who is logical and detached on the surface but deeply emotional underneath. I also see this person to be someone who has learned to protect themselves due to past experiences but has a loving and caring heart once they feel safe. Also get ready to get your patience tested. So yep. Goodluck lol.

I got two songs for you....as the energy was a bit divided and so....ye...

Also Brooklyn baby- Lana del Rey but I couldn't upload that song for some weird reason... anyway yea

Pile 3:

Cards: ( Knight of Pentacles, the Hierophant, 9 of Cups, 10 of Cups, 10 of Wands )

Message: Taking time to open up

First of all I see this person is someone who is slow-moving, reliable, and serious about commitments. Okay and like this person Is someone who takes their sweet ass time in love but BUT!!! They do this because .....BCUZ!! They are incredibly loyal and dependable and solid when they do commit.

Like if I have to put words to describe this person....this is someone who is resilient, independent, self-sufficient, and spiritually strong.

I see they also are someone who is tad bit traditional and values tradition, stability, and commitment. I see this person who is coming towards you is someone who is looking for something serious, long-term and don't want anything casual.

I also see you and this person could have a strong spiritual or cultural connection ....random but ye (⁠─⁠.⁠─⁠|⁠|⁠）

Now I also wanna say this person who is coming towards you is definitely single as a pringle or maybe you were super single for sometimes....but the point is....there is this long term....single single energy coming. Anyway this person who is coming towards you is someone I feel will bring a sense of emotional satisfaction and happiness into your life. Yk. *It's so cute* like I feel like this is the kinda person who will give you a huge bouquet of flowers just because they felt like it lol ....like how do I say this ....this is the kinda person who if they love you will play the entire garden with your favourite flowers lol

I feel in this connection you will be very emotionally fulfilled,....I see long-term happiness, and I also see possibly....like possibly even a future family or deep emotional bond. This relationship can lead to lasting love and stability that is ....if you don't self sabotage it tbh.

I also wanna say that this person has carried a lot of burdens in their life and that they might have had a difficult past, taking on too many responsibilities.hm....i feel that...if something is wrong in the relationship or if this person feels hurt they will hide it ...and won't come clean...until they burst Outta nowhere and you'll feel wtf just happened....because I see for them they could be someone who dont for ask for help easily but just works hard for those who they love. And so I feel like at times this person may just burn themself and also get easily exploited and used and abused.....I see the person's family/ friends....could be...like use them yk.... because of their giving nature so... ye.

*now I feel bad such a sweet person (T_T)*

Also um....imm also getting like they might judge a lot and that if things don't align or just hm....if they feel stressed out from you or the relationship with you not helping or supporting them and just giving them headaches after headaches just to act cute don't be surprise if they leave. Because I see this person doesn't play games and just wants a plain old simple living yk. So yea...just a warning. Like don't push this person a lot.

So basically who is coming towards you in love?

I see the person who is coming towards you in love is someone who is serious,stable person who is looking for real commitment. Like this person has a quiet strength about them and like they deep wisdom, and a slow but steady approach to love. Also this person is not someone who rushes into romance, but when they do, they are in it for the long haul. Their past burdens have made them strong, and they seek a fulfilling and deeply emotional connection. Like they may take time to open up, but once they do, they will provide the most truly lasting, stable, and fulfilling relationship you'll ever have. So ye. Good reading.

A song which came for you

[orewing]

the lies of suou hayato

following my previous post noting the association of suou to hanazuou and its meaning in hanakotoba, I wanted to expand somewhat on what I said in the tags regarding suou's quote-unquote "deal" and also share my own theory as to why he is the way he is and where his story might go from here.

this might be a bit of a long one, so buckle in.

the lie of composure

suou is seemingly unwavering. he is poised, refined, and polite at all times. he puts on an unflappable facade, but I think he actually has pretty poor control over his own emotions—he often acts in petty ways, as evidenced by the way he toys with his opponents, but he also has a vindictive streak—more on that later.

the lie of vulnerability

suou does not show weakness. he is strikingly perceptive and highly responsive to the needs of others, but expresses no wants or needs of his own. he insists quite clearly that everyone is the same, but treats himself as the sole exception in refusing to divulge his weak points—and when someone else discovers one of them, he panics.

I do think he means the words he's saying. I just also think he's automatically disqualifying himself from them. he seems to be trying very hard to maintain an image of someone without flaw and without weakness; someone who wants for nothing and who can be relied on for anything. I have an idea as to why that might be the case, but there's more groundwork I'd like to establish first.

the lie of kindness

this is a lie hiding a kernel of truth.

early on, during the shishitouren arc, sakura notes that suou has a rotten personality. I think this moment is sakura seeing past the mask of a "kind gentleman" to the layer just underneath (the layer that contains suou's more ugly, turbulent emotions), but deeper than that, I do think suou does genuinely care for his friends. if he didn't, I don't think he'd be so eager to assist sakura as his vice-captain, or to help nirei train in secret... no, I think there's something else going on there. which leads to...

the lie of connection

this one has already been covered in detail in this post (kudos to both @goatedgreen and @squish--squash for their wonderful insights on the topic), but in short, suou does not participate in connecting with others.

there are two significant narrative themes that this involves: "fighting is a conversation," and "eating with others".

suou is never shown eating in the manga (we're ignoring the taiyaki), and as far as I can recall, the only time we ever see him try to throw a punch is in a moment where his opponent is already unconcious; in other words, anything that could have been conveyed through it would have fallen on deaf ears anyway.

suou is seemingly uninterested in connecting with his opponents in fights. I believe he's also deliberately keeping his own friends at arm's length. why? I do have an idea—it's spitballing, really—but before I can get to that I need to talk about...

the lie of maturity

this is the big one. this is the lie that ties all the others together.

suou acts like the Adult in the room. he is poised, refined, and polite at all times. but as mentioned prior, he is, in many respects, immature. he is petty and vindictive. he is quick to anger when faced with perceived injustice. he seemingly considers sakura someone he can never match up to—and I think that's primarily because his own emotional growth is stunted by personal circumstance and suou himself is aware of this.

suou is, I think, jealous of sakura's ability to grow and flourish as a person outside the boundaries his own life is restricted to.

what boundaries?

this post is being written under a couple of decently big assumptions.

first, I'm writing it under the assumption that suou's backstory has no ties to the triads (or the yakuza, or what have you). while organised crime is a topic touched upon in canon during the roppo ichiza arc, it feels like something which is kept at arm's length by the narrative in favour of a narrower focus on personal trauma and stories with personal stakes. while I don't doubt that nii-sensei has the writing chops to pull off a story where suou's family is involved with organised crime in some way, I'm putting that idea aside in favour of something a little more grounded.

second, and this is really the crux of my post: I think suou hayato was raised in an incredibly strict family environment.

what made me consider this as a strong possibility was actually a dialogue I encountered while reading another manga, medalist:

I think it's possible that, growing up, suou was never really given the opportunity to Be A Child. I think he was raised in an environment that placed incredible pressure on him to perform as an adult from a very young age, and that caused him to grow up with a warped sense of maturity.

too often, it's easy to forget that this is a 15-year-old boy. he's far from a fully-grown adult—and I think, most likely, he's just a kid with too many expectations placed on him at too young an age (he might also be suffering a pinch of chuunibyou delusion, but really, it'd be hard to blame him for that if I did turn out to be correct about his upbringing).

I think it's also worth noting that nirei was very surprised by suou's demeanour the first time they met. it's possible that he was expecting someone more mature, based on the information he'd previously gathered; someone better suited to the image of a person who was treated as grown up from a very young age.

this could be suou actively defying other people's expectations in order to hide his true self. or it could be a genuine lack of maturity showing. or it could be both! who's to say?

spitballing

I believe that, unlike someone like kiryuu (who we see actively at odds with family members), suou probably wants to live up to what his family expects of him. I think this is also going to be the thing that causes him the most trouble further down the line. there is very little canon basis for this theory, so please take it with the whole salt shaker:

it's possible that suou was sent to fuurin for a purpose.

I'm not sure what, exactly, that purpose could be—possibly as a punishment for failing to live up to his family's exacting standards—but I think there's a timer on his life at fuurin, and I think suou is aware of this.

he isn't planning on saying no when he's asked to leave (I don't think he'd turn his back on fuurin of his own free will, but I do think he's the type to say "it is what it is" and leave it at that while quietly dying inside), and that's why he's so adamant on not partaking in the customs of fuurin. but there's a problem with that.

even if he's been actively avoiding connecting with others in the most narratively significant ways (food and fighting), suou has still formed relationships with others, whether he likes it or not. and I can think of at least two people who won't let him go quietly if they find out he's trying to leave...

[bamsara]

First ever ask here but I got hit with a concept for you consideration! Sheep are superstitious people (at least I assume since Lambert's mother had their tail docked when Clauneck went "hey so there's this cat-") The concept is that when a baby gets to the point of needing their first shearing, it's customary for both parents to be there. According to sheep culture, not only does it solidify the bond between parent and child, but also brings good luck and a long and full life to the baby. So I can imagine (if Lambert's father wasn't in the picture because I don't remember any mention of him) their mother constantly being Stressed™️ because she was never able to fulfill that other superstition and now her baby is cursed forever and ever even with the tail docking

This is such a good idea! It would not work for my AU though, as Lambert's father was very much involved with the family up until his death, and was actaully the one who had to dock the Lamb's tail out of superstition to protect their child (he was blubbering and upset the whole action, though)

Shearing in my AU isn't anything special, it's just about the same significance as cutting your own hair. Sure it may mean a lot to some sheep or some people personally, but its just basic grooming for the most part, wonderful idea though

[jeonstellate]

the ghost of aegis

kimi protected his daughter’s right to choose — only for her to choose what he indirectly kept her from.

ᯓ★ kimi räikkönen x daughter!reader

ᯓ★ depictions of a protective dad; media reporters referred to as opportunistic vultures; brief mentions of retirement; ferrari (strategists) bashing; & mild language

ᯓ★ paragraph format — 4.1K words

masterlist | the ghost of you masterlist

[pic’s full credit belongs solely to its owner]

ᯓ★ italian word (y’all already know what) from google! kimi & yn mostly talk to each other in finnish, so all bolded dialogues are in english! as this is kimi’s pov for both the ghost of monza & the ghost of legacy, there are no physical descriptions for yn.

ᯓ★ this is the third part of a mini-series, which masterlist is linked above :]

[First name] was Kimi Räikkönen’s firstborn. As the oldest, she admittedly had a way different upbringing than the rest of her siblings. Not only did she suffer through his initial cluelessness in parenting, she also lived through both the early years and the height of his Formula One career.

Amongst her siblings, she saw Kimi the least during her childhood. It’s not by a large margin in reality, but it definitely could’ve been more significant if not for all the workarounds he took to see her more often than his schedule freely allowed him to.

That meant she also went to the paddock the most. Her visits were always just long enough for her to see him, the closest people he worked with, and his team’s garage and motorhome; but simultaneously short enough to avoid reporters altogether. Those visits were definitely too fleeting for his liking, but they had to do.

[First name] wasn’t someone he was willing to dangle in front of the media, with them being the opportunistic vultures that they are. As much as he would’ve preferred if he could just hide her completely, that wasn’t a viable option for the long run. So, a compromise was made: The world got to know her name and existence, and nothing else.

He didn’t want to force the life he chose for himself on her. He wanted her to have a choice, like he did.

Kimi did enroll her for karting lessons as soon as she was eligible, but he also supported the interests she picked up outside of him. He never showed strong preference over the former, either, opting to give uniformed energy over all — even the ones that were obviously just phases.

The privacy from the limelight gave [first name] the freedom to be herself. She was able to explore plausible career options without external pressure to follow his footsteps.

For a time, his daughter seemed like she’d pursue a similar path. Until she changed her mind and decided on Mechanical Engineering.

"I just want to keep karting as a hobby," [first name] shrugged in response to a question he didn’t even get to vocalize after she offhandedly mentioned her university applications.

There was really no room for arguments there. Not that he would, because her decision also meant he didn’t have to worry about her potentially crashing in Formula One speed. "Why Mechanical Engineering?"

Kimi knew better than to expect a thorough answer. "Just because."

He accepted the non-answer as it was. As long as it was what his daughter wanted, he had no problem supporting her through it.

[First name]’s last visit to the paddock — which was still as short and fleeting as before — after a long while was during his last race before his retirement. It was right around the tail end of her first year’s first trimester and she pulled all the strings to be in Abu Dhabi for that weekend despite her exams. Kimi had hope for a better result for his last Formula One race, but spending time with his firstborn after a trimester of not seeing her around had been the highlight of his weekend then.

A part of him assumed that’d be her last visit to the paddock. Definitely not her last time in a circuit to watch a race in person, but certainly the last time she’d have a VIP Access pass or a paddock pass around her neck. After all, her classes were just going to get harder from that point on. Plus, she hadn’t given any indication of wishing to support her remaining uncles on the grid like she supported him, either.

As far as Kimi’s aware, [first name] had survived being subjected to paddock intrigue with no reporter or media sightings. She merely remained as the first name to ever grace his helmets throughout his long Formula One career.

Unfortunately, his previous assumption was proven to be too early to call. For his firstborn decided to snatch a ticket to the grand prix at the circuit 22.9 kilometers away from her university as soon as she heard about Sebastian’s retirement.

"How much did you buy it for?"

[First name] didn’t look up to the laptop camera when she replied. Her eyes stayed glued down on whatever she was writing on. "Not telling."

That was enough for him to gauge the price. "Princess," her endearment was laced with a hint of disappointment it didn’t usually have. "I could’ve gotten you a pass for free."

"I want to surprise Uncle Seb," she shrugged.

"Then I could’ve contacted Fernando."

She took a minute to respond, preoccupied with punching numbers in her calculator by the sound of it. "I don’t want any of them to feel responsible for me, dad."

Kimi, of course, didn’t approve of that. He might be retired, but there no way he’d consent to his daughter roaming loose at the paddock without eyes on her. It was still a dangerous place to be at, in more ways than one. "Someone needs to know you’ll be there."

Thankfully, [first name] didn’t need much convincing. "Right. I might not find them if they don’t know I’m dropping by." She paused, seemingly contemplating. "I’ll message them later tonight."

He messaged them as well after that video call. It was a bit ominous, but it had to do because he didn’t want to steal his daughter’s thunder in case Sebastian and Fernando read his message first. Take care of [first name] for me.

It did cause mild panic between the two, with Fernando questioning who’d get custody of his younger children and Sebastian asking how bad they were talking about, but it was nothing a quick (and vague) reply couldn’t fix.

[First name]’s visit to the Monza paddock started out predictable — or, at least, the way he hoped it would. She got to walk around without any interruptions — reporters paid her no mind, and the majority of the paddock merely dismissed her as one of the many drivers’ guests present. She geeked out about the mechanisms and engineering all around there, in a way only engineering students and those passionate about such things do. She also returned her VIP Access pass and replaced it with the paddock pass she purchased prior after she spent enough time with her uncles.

It was a success, as far as Sebastian and Fernando were concerned. [First name] seemed to share their sentiments, when she gave him her version of her Monza escapades the next time they video called after that weekend.

Kimi would like to think so, too, since it notably loosened the tension on his daughter’s shoulders. He was even willing to look past the unideal fact that more of the current grid now knew about [first name], because they played a part in making her weekend then somehow.

As far as he was aware, based on the reports he received from both Sebastian and Fernando, there were four people in the current grid that now knew about [first name]’s existence.

Lance and Esteban were the only ones who recognize her as Sebastian and Fernando’s shared niece. (He hadn’t been privy to the introduction either man used, but he’d assume they vaguely referred to him as a ‘common family friend’ to maintain the anonymity out of habit.) Charles and Carlos, on the other hand, were the only ones who know of her parentage. (Apparently, Charles was there when she sprinted from the Alpine motorhome to the garage where her uncles were. He had to tell someone to relieve himself of the shock, and his teammate had been the best choice.) The rest of the grid were none the wiser about the ‘[first name]’ on their former grid mate’s helmets breathing the same air as them.

Unfortunately, there was one thing he couldn’t look past about his daughter’s weekend at Monza. It was the detail Sebastian and Fernando purposely saved for last in their reports. Little Princess has a crush.

At first, he didn’t believe it. [First name] hadn’t gotten a crush since she entered high school. He knew that for certain, because he was obviously his daughter’s favorite — and she happened to tell him everything since she learned how to talk. She had mentioned being acquainted with Lance, Esteban, and the two Ferrari drivers; but never anyone who caught her eye in Monza.

However, Sebastian and Fernando made compelling arguments.

VET: [First name] zoomed on feet.

VET: ZOOMED.

ALO: I didn’t know she could go that fast outside a kart.

It wasn’t necessarily the news of her running fast that he found compelling. She had run toward him at top speed for years, notably whenever she won a karting race (which she always entered under a pseudonym). It was the news of her running fast because of a boy— because she wanted to know a boy’s name. She hadn’t done that before.

Kimi was slightly inclined to believe it. Unfortunately, the desire to deny was way stronger. Especially when he considered the fact that [first name] literally ran away from whoever that was.

[First name], much to Kimi’s interest, went back to the Monza paddock the following year. That time, however, she made sure to inform him beforehand; before she asked Fernando if it was alright to visit him prior to the race and before she purchased her ticket. A parcel with a VIP Access code and Aston Martin merch was promptly delivered to her university apartment’s address, but only the former saw the Monza sunshine.

ALO: Why did your daughter show up in your Ferrari merch when I sent her Aston Martin ones to wear?

RAI: They’re in the laundry.

‘Take care of [first name]’ went without saying that time around. Frankly, he was relieved he didn’t have to say it explicitly. His daughter was a number past eighteen now, and ergo had been a legal adult for more years than he wanted to admit, so a word about being overprotective would’ve definitely been said if the other circumstance was the case.

Not that he would mind, of course. Being so was . . . appropriate, for the lack of a better term, given that she’d remain his little girl — his baby — no matter how old she got.

And certainly no matter who caught her attention.

ALO: [First name] went to see him again.

VET: Who?

ALO: Her crush.

VET: Oh?

VET: How did it go?

ALO: She ran out again.

RAI: Did she get his name?

ALO: No.

ALO: Didn’t give her name, either.

In all honesty, Kimi didn’t care about who [first name]’s crushes were. One distinct detail for each was enough to identify them whenever they came up in conversations. He wouldn’t bother knowing their names, even if her crush on them lasted longer than the others. It was all a matter of principle. As long as their mere existence made her happy and motivated, he had no need to care about who they were and where they lived.

For the newest one though, he was seriously considering breaking that self-imposed rule. Because, against all odds (i.e., [first name] rarely going to the paddock), she saw him and developed a crush. And, to make matters worse, she saw him at the one place he thought she was finally free from: The paddock.

The paddock housed a lot of different characters. Subjectively, he would much prefer it if her crush was someone out of the limelight. Maybe one of the newly hired engineers, interns, or personnels. Hopefully not a driver, because he’d be beside himself with the mere thought.

But, alas. The name that followed his personal inquiry when he let his curiosity get to the best of him was all too familiar.

Oscar Piastri. McLaren, 81.

[First name], Kimi’s darling daughter, did have a crush on a Formula One driver.

[First name] never brought Oscar Piastri up, no matter how long Kimi waited — nor how many times he gave her the opportunity to. Even a mention of having a new crush was nowhere to be heard, not even in passing or blurted nonchalant confessions.

Kimi was frankly more intrigued about her latest crush because of that. He already acknowledged Oscar Piastri was different than the rest because he was an F1 driver, but he was also curious why the latter prompted a different treatment. What happened in the paddock that Oscar Piastri hadn’t gotten an introduction like everyone else before him?

Apart of him suspected it had something to do with Oscar Piastri being her first crush in adulthood. He didn’t like that idea, however, because of its potential implications — which included the chance that [first name] was simply outgrowing her habit of telling him everything.

He had known that that time would come eventually. He just hadn’t prepared for ‘eventually’ to mean ‘now.’

He supposed he should still be thankful that the change in boundaries didn’t mean he would hear nothing about what [first name] had been up to lately from her directly. Rather, he’d still do for some — just for very selected moments.

"Dad," [first name] called his attention after she conversed with her siblings before they disappeared for their night baths. "What do you think of me interning for F1?"

"For the FIA?"

"No, for one of the teams," she clarified.

That intrigued him more than the possibility of his daughter working directly for the FIA. "Which team?"

"I’m not sure yet, but definitely not one of your old teams," she answered thoughtfully. "So no Sauber, McLaren, Ferrari, or Alpine."

"I didn’t race for Alpine."

She dismissed his correction, "Technicalities."

Kimi’s eyes softened. It still felt like yesterday when [first name] first sat in the cockpit of his F1 car at five years old, which ultimately gave rise to her karting career. She might’ve given it up in favor of pursuing a more stable career, but his influence on her was definitely still there.

"Include them in your list, too," he eventually chose to say next. "You never know."

His daughter didn’t argue, but it did take her awhile to see merit in his suggestion. "I suppose."

It was quite too late when Kimi realized he essentially just gave her permission to pursue her crush by encouraging her to apply for an internship at McLaren.

[First name] didn’t always have time to watch races between her classes, part-time job, and endless to-do list. Thus, she often watch recordings of the ones she missed whenever she was back home for breaks. Rather than asking her which races she missed, however, Kimi opted to save every race recording on the TV instead.

Watching them back wasn’t an exclusive ‘them’ bonding activity, but it still felt like it somehow since they were usually the only ones to finish them all the way through.

"You’ve rewatched some already?" [First name] blurted from her spot on the couch when he re-entered the living room with snacks.

He opted to join her on the couch first before responding, "Yeah."

He considered saying more than that, but an elaboration called for omissions. After all, not all of those rewatches were done in honest forgetfulness, but also in critical eyes for one specific driver.

He wouldn’t mind telling her that he had been watching Oscar Piastri’s performance (including his onboards) and interviews had she opened up about her new crush. There was nothing wrong with what he had done, as he never went beyond observing him in Formula One. What he did see an issue with, however, was freaking out his daughter by sharing his observations and subsequent conclusion when she hadn’t even said a word about him.

RAI: Piastri’s good.

Thankfully, [first name] didn’t question his response. "Would you still rewatch with me?"

Kimi looked at her like she just asked an absurd question as he handed her favorite snack over. "Of course."

VET: Is that a seal of approval?

[First name] ended up finishing a bag and a half in the first race alone, since she was stressing about Ferrari’s questionable strategy — or lack thereof — the entire time.

[First name] went back to the Monza paddock for the third year in a row. By that point, Kimi was already half-expecting her to — and was not even a tad surprised when she told him about her intentions.

Yet, still, that didn’t mean her latest visit was void of any surprises. For Fernando’s triumphant update of Little Princess has finally been acquainted with Papaya boy was eventually followed by a call.

It was [first name].

"Princess, are you alright?" Kimi asked worriedly as soon as he picked up. In the three years she visited the Monza paddock, that marked the first time she called on a race day. For the first two years, she had saved all her stories about her paddock trip for the following week — or whenever she had the time to call next. So, for her to call a couple hours after the race broadcast ended . . . "Are you hurt?"

"I’m okay, dad." [First name]’s response provided an immense sense of relief. He almost audibly exhaled. "I’m on the train back to Milan. I got something to eat at the station."

He voiced his approval. His daughter often forwent eating in favor of finishing something for school, so he was glad to hear she actually grabbed dinner for once. "Let me know when you get back to your apartment."

His daughter merely made a noise of acknowledgement before swaying the conversation. "Uncle Nando told me something interesting earlier."

He found himself a comfortable spot to sit, unsure with how long the conversation would take. "What did he tell you?"

"He said you’ve known that I have a crush on a McLaren driver for years."

Kimi nodded to himself, despite their call being merely audio. He supposed it was about time he come clean about keeping a watchful eye on Oscar Piastri. "I didn’t believe him and Sebastian until last year."

The following silence made him reconsider, however. Especially when it was ultimately broken by a sigh on the other end. "I didn’t want to tell you yet."

"You don’t have to tell me now," he assured her before she could say anything else.

"But, dad, you already know."

"And?" He challenged, almost dismissively. "I want to hear a confirmation from you. But I only want to hear it when you’re ready."

[First name] took another moment to respond. "What if I take a while to get ready?"

"Then I’ll wait," Kimi shrugged — forgetting once more that his daughter couldn’t see him. "Simple."

[First name] chose Williams, in the end. She got a few internship offers from the current Formula One teams and, although she recognized one from the top would look better on her resume, she figured one from the midfield would be personally more fulfilling. That, and also because she didn’t think she’d be able to restrain herself if she heard the Ferrari strategists call bullshit.

Kimi, as he had done throughout her entire life thus far, just sat back and supported her decision. He did find it somewhat amusing that Charles couldn’t let go of the fact that she rejected the Ferrari internship offer, though.

Hearing her stories about her paddock shenanigans made one thing clear. [First name] belonged there. Formula One might still be far from letting women rejoin the sport as contenders but, one way or another, she had always been meant to be there. His caution might’ve protected her from vultures in her childhood, but it was never meant to drive her away completely.

It must’ve been her Räikkönen blood interfering with her calling.

Needless to say, Kimi was beyond proud of his firstborn. Even more so when he heard about her little rebellion stunt that she cleverly masked as an act of merely going above and beyond, regardless of her core intention for doing so.

[First name] had told him so many things about her internship. Not just the borderline nuisances she had to put up with from the drivers, but also the interesting things she learned. It was unsurprising to hear that there were a lot he didn’t know about how Formula One operated, despite being an active part of it for two decades.

His absolute favorite recap happened on a dawn where sleep was ripped from him by the ringtone he set specially for [first name]. Amidst the sleep-induced fog in his brain, he comprehended an excited "Dad!" as soon as he swiped to answer.

"What happened?" His reply came out hoarse with sleep.

"I—" Her initial response stopped short. "Did I wake you?" She paused, long enough for him to exit the master’s bedroom and head toward the living room. He could’ve sworn he heard her curse under her breath, but he couldn’t be quite sure. "Sorry, dad. I forgot about the timezone. Go back to bed. I’ll just tell you in the morning."

Rather than replying, he touches the button that requests for a video call. He only resumed the conversation once he could see her face on his phone screen. "What is it?"

She was still in her Williams uniform, looking as if she just got back to her accommodation despite her usual internship time ending hours ago.

"It’s okay," she shook her head lightly, clearly feeling apologetic. "It’s not a big deal. I’ll just call again in the morning."

"[First name]," Kimi pronounced his daughter’s name akin to the way he used to whenever he was exasperated. It wasn’t that hard to tell the ‘not a big deal’ was a lie. "What is it?"

Thankfully, his daughter did the wise thing and complied.

[First name]’s excitement was back in a blink, albeit it manifested in her eyes rather than in her voice still. "I have a new crush."

He nodded once, already accepting that it was as good a time as any. He had been waiting, after all. "Will you tell me about him?"

The sun was already beginning to rise by the time the call finished. He didn’t mind, partly because his firstborn hadn’t called in almost a month, but mostly because [first name] had the corners of her mouth slightly upturned the entire time.

"[First name], there you are," Kimi greeted as soon as he spot his firstborn entering the Aston Martin garage. The visit marked his first time back at the paddock since his retirement almost four years ago, and he figured his daughter’s ‘favorite’ circuit was the best one to make his first return appearance at. "Where did you go?"

[First name], in support, asked for a day off from her internship. Hence her deliberate choice to blend in with the huge tifosi crowd in tifosi territory. "Around."

"You left me with the media," he said, almost accusatory, as he watched her hug his former teammate.

She wasn’t amused. "I left you with Uncle Jenson." Nor was he, when she chose to return standing next to the person clad in orange and black. "Uncle Lewis and Uncle Nico were there, too."

Kimi didn’t dignify that with a response. Instead, he turned his attention to the person next to his daughter. It was Oscar Piastri. "Where did you take my daughter?"

He saw panic in the younger McLaren driver’s eyes.

He squinted his eyes into an almost glare, inquisitive and suspicious. He might be generally supportive of her crushes because of the motivations they came with, but that didn’t necessarily mean he was fine with seeing them — her and her crush — together. It was one thing to hear stories about the said person, and another to live through the moments those stories were made.

"Here," [First name] answered on Oscar Piastri’s behalf.

It didn’t help that Oscar Piastri was an F1 driver, either. He knew, firsthand, about the life and lifestyle that came with being one. So, naturally, his trust was in the negatives — regardless of the other’s impressive driving and generally likable public persona.

Conclusions were instantly made and, of course, none of them were to his liking — not even remotely. He returned his attention to her. "You left me to go to him?"

"No, I went to Ferrari first to meet Charles’ dog," she corrected. "Then I went to McLaren."

"Why did you go to McLaren?" Fernando inquired exactly what was in his mind. "Why did she go to you?"

[First name] shrugged, looking every bit like a relaxed spokesperson for the seemingly tongue-tied McLaren driver. "Tradition."

Kimi casted her a questioning look, but she merely held it with ease. Her expression remained unchanged and void of any potential clues. He had absolutely no idea what she could’ve possibly meant.

He wisely opted to not think too much about it, but not without sending Oscar Piastri another look of distrust.

[anghraine]

I was thinking about my personal "TOS is really its own thing" headcanons for K/S, and also, that one of the things that really surprised me when I actually marathoned the whole series was the acknowledged ethical issue around captain/crew fraternization.

To rewind back to my ship, lol: I definitely think that Spock and Kirk are obsessively in love with each other, and it's pretty obvious that every other relationship and person in their lives pales in comparison, but I don't actually imagine that they've said or done anything about this beyond the kinds of things we've seen onscreen.

I mean. Yes, that includes things like "when Kirk gets a massage on the bridge for his back pain, he just assumes it's Spock and is intensely uncomfortable to discover it's someone else" + the two of them saying breathtaking romantic things with obvious heart eyes while ignoring the existence of everyone around them + Kirk's most compelling and insightful love interest remarking that Spock obviously belongs with him as if he always will be at Kirk's side + everything "Amok Time" chooses to be + mutual seething jealousy/Spock excising his rival from Kirk's mind while he sleeps + Kirk saying Spock is closer to him than anyone in the universe + Spock regularly abandoning his principles when it comes to Kirk etc etc etc. But I don't think they've actually said what they feel or initiated a (physically) sexual relationship during TOS itself.

Taking TOS by itself and ignoring the regular reboots of their characterizations in ... well, everything else, I definitely feel like they're moving inexorably towards that kind of unambiguous romantic relationship in TOS, just that they haven't quite taken that last step yet.

In fact, I suspect that the "You are closer to the captain than anyone in the universe" statement from bodysnatched Kirk to Spock is likely the most explicit statement either has made about how they feel or what their relationship really is, and it carefully stops just short of saying too much. And it's immediately followed by a) a mind-meld, I think the fourth between them, but the first in which Spock effortlessly melds them without a single word to help, and b) one of the most extended periods of physical contact between them, with iirc some 25 seconds of Spock holding Kirk's bare hand/wrist on screen as they try to escape together signifying nothing, with scene cuts suggesting the actual duration may in fact be longer (*gasps in Vulcan*).

The show ends with that episode because of the cancellation, but there's something weirdly apropos about it as a finale on a purely shipping level. I definitely felt like the dynamic between them has reached such a point by "Turnabout Intruder" that there's no going back. But I don't think anything more significant than what we've seen has happened off screen, just that the acknowledgment of the nature of their feelings and the shift to an overtly romantic, sexual relationship seem inevitable at this point. And by "overtly," I mean to each other, not necessarily anyone else.

There are various reasons I feel this way. Partly it's the high-octane yearning and repression that both exhibit in very different ways, which I think make more sense if they haven't acknowledged anything yet or transitioned away from pretending it's platonic. But one reason I envision them as Not Quite There But Definitely Going To Be, that I've rarely seen mentioned thus far, is something I would never have guessed from pop culture or even fandom osmosis.

Early in the series, Kirk explicitly states that he considers his crew completely off-limits in a romantic context. This ethical restriction applies only to him and not any other senior officers. Throughout the rest of the series, we're told and shown that Starfleet does not forbid fraternization among crew members of different ranks. Kirk himself says that it would be fine for Spock to have a romantic relationship with Janice Rand, just not Kirk.

And moreover, Kirk never does voluntarily enter a romantic relationship with any crew member. He and Janice Rand have a mutual infatuation for awhile that both handle with as much professionalism as possible. The closest thing to an openly romantic interaction with a crew member is probably Kirk kissing Helen Noel after Helen and Dr. Adams artificially screwed around with his memories and feelings—but we discover in the process that he was the one who refused to do more than dance at the Christmas party, when he backed off and scrupulously talked about space while Helen was the one with the unsentimental sex fantasy who keeps pushing his boundaries even in the present. That's why he's so unusually hostile; they were never together, even as a fling, and she hasn't taken no for an answer.

I guess Kirk and Mulholl agreeing to be possessed by married aliens for a final goodbye kiss is sort of ...? I mean. You get it, sometimes there's some sci-fi plot device, but nothing real and nothing while he has full control of his body and mind.

Kirk's real exes are all former long-term girlfriends, most of them also part of Starfleet and professionals in science or science-adjacent fields, but never crew members.

It's not 100% clear in TOS if the repeated statements and suggestions about lack of Starfleet restrictions on fraternization except wrt the captain is Starfleet policy, or just Kirk's personal stance. Kirk says he's not allowed to have a relationship of that kind with Janice Rand in "The Naked Time," but he's contracted the disease by then and it's part of a generally unhinged ramble. It's later stated that romance isn't forbidden on Starfleet vessels, but that's about crew romances in general and not the captain in particular. So it's difficult to know the real source of the ethical prohibition. Maybe there are actual regulations around this (makes sense) or maybe it's just a hard ethical line that Kirk has independently chosen for himself (also makes sense), but when he's functional and autonomous enough to be held responsible for his actions, this is a line he does not cross.

The point here is that, while I don't remotely blame other K/S fans for ignoring this inconvenient fraternization detail, Spock is a member of Kirk's crew. Yes, he's a senior officer and the highest-ranking person on the ship after Kirk himself, so maybe it wouldn't be as egregious as with someone else—but then again, maybe Kirk propositioning Spock would be considered even more unethical than propositioning Janice, since Janice at least has other authorities over her, while Spock answers directly to Kirk in the chain of command and will do virtually anything Kirk tells or asks him to do.

Kirk and Spock's relationship is intense and [gestures] everything enough that there are scenarios where I could imagine Kirk dropping this otherwise non-negotiable ethical line (the classic is, of course, "Spock's human heritage makes his pon farr cycle erratic and it comes back early ... oh no..."). I don't think we've seen any such scenario during TOS, though.

In any case, I feel like Kirk is unlikely to proposition Spock either romantically or sexually during the five-year mission. After years of constant proximity and yearning and ostensibly platonic hijinks and assuming it would never happen, I could see his resolve crumbling if Spock tried to initiate a romance with him. But that is also unlikely throughout most of TOS, because of Spock's own hang-ups around emotion and attachment—he's struggling with shame over feeling basic friendly affection, and in reality he feels far more than that.

I also don't think their true preferences when it comes to love, or their sense of what love really is for them, are inclined towards casual/undefined relationships or even poly relationships. So I don't personally envision them as FWBs or in a "they were in love but not taking it that seriously" scenario; I don't think either situation would be all that probable or desirable for them. They're both conspicuously jealous of anything or anyone that could possibly compete with their own absolute centrality in each other's lives; Spock never so much as kisses anyone without being dubconned into it and is guilty about having friends; Kirk's entire sexual history when it's not For The Mission is consistently geared towards long-term and sentimentally romantic relationships. Kirk supplies a very clear, emphatic description of love as he understands it:

Is he important to you, more important than anything? Is he as though he were a part of you? [...] But you can't really love him. You haven't the slightest knowledge of love, the total union of two people.

Kirk understands impossible/forbidden love in terms of some fundamental separation from a single beloved, being perpetually apart from them and unable to achieve the kind of absolute joining of lives and minds that he regards as love. (In some ways, this seems an incredibly Vulcan perspective on love, which, well.)

I think he and Spock are close to crossing the last barriers to that point of absolute union by "Turnabout Intruder," given their extreme intimacy as well as the very real possibility of grafting their lives and minds to each other in the way both pretty clearly crave. But I feel like there are only two ways it can really happen: 1) some wildly fortunate circumstance makes it ethically justifiable for Kirk to approach Spock, or 2) Spock makes the first move, which means that unless they're just randomly very lucky, everything hangs on him coming to terms with himself.

Then again, I also think Spock's arc across the show is building towards a point where he is coming to terms with himself in that way, with asserting what he wants, what bothers him, and what he's willing to reach for or accept. By the finale, I can believe he's truly on the point of getting there.

The movies hit the reset and retcon buttons hard, but taking TOS by itself as aired, the arc of their relationship and its development over the course of the show feels more hopeful to me. I can believe that S3 Spock has grown into himself enough to get to the point he needs to be at to make the first ("first") move before much longer. This is the Spock who essentially told Starfleet to go fuck themselves because they wouldn't let him jeopardize a fraught diplomatic situation to search for Kirk, told Sulu to scan for Kirk for potentially years, then defied explicit orders and tracked him down personally. There is very little he wouldn't do for Kirk by S3.

Kirk, meanwhile, has never been anything but 1000% receptive to whatever Spock is willing to give him; he spends a significant portion of TOS looking like he's about to dissolve into hearts at eye contact and a slight mouth twitch from Spock, if that. By S3, though, he's visibly more ground-down and tired, he's been put through further horrors that he often only escaped via his intimacy with Spock, and he's increasingly desperate for real connection. I can believe that at this point, he'd finally be at "fuck it" if Spock's love was on the table.

So I don't think that during the time period of TOS, their romance is formalized at all, or even acknowledged, or that they have a sexual relationship beyond the turbo-charged UST and frequent physical contact (to a degree that seems likely obscene on Vulcan. but as Spock no doubt justifies to himself, they're not on Vulcan). But I also think that by the end of the show, their dynamic has moved towards a stage where the shift to an unambiguously romantic relationship, even if hidden, feels inevitable and imminent. I genuinely feel like they're so close to full honesty with each other at this point that it can't be long, and that's with over a year of the mission left.

[plutoasteroids]

PAC How Will Your Future Spouse's Father (Your Father-In-Law) Feel About You.

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

DISCLAIMER: This reading is solely for entertainment purposes only! I am not responsible for any decisions taken based on my readings.

This is a general reading so if nothing resonates don't take it to heart. Take what resonates and leave what doesn't!

ASK BOX is always open

TW: MENTION OF NEGLECT AND ABUS3. IF ITS A TRIGGER FOR YOU AND YOU CONTINUE TO READ ANYWAY PLEASE DON'T BLAME ME ITS YOUR CHOICE!

PILE 1

Your father-in-law would view you as something new and different, you may be the complete opposite of the general type of your FS normally goes for but in a good way because I feel your FS doesn't necessarily have the best track record when it comes to picking their partners. Your father-in-law will quickly approve of you it feels almost like they'll say to your FS 'you made a good choice'.

But at the very beginning they may feel a bit unsure about you specifically because of the way you carry yourself, you could be really shy and not talkative or super confident anyways they just won't be 100% sure about you more so because he doesn't have a clear grasp on your personality or even your intention.

Them being unsure will quickly change and the two of you may have a relationship based on understanding or similar values or opinions. You'll have some sort of mutual understanding that will bring you both closer, in the long run they'll for sure view you as their child maybe even as somewhat of a friend.

Your Father-in-law gives me scholar vibes if not heavy lawyer vibes, lawyer, professor, teacher maybe even a priest.

PILE 2

They will feel somewhat withdrawn from you. I don't think your future father-in-law is involved in your FS' life, as in they are around but they never took an active role, so they won't have much of an opinion on you. It seems like they might see you from a distance like maybe through social media.

But from what they know about you they feel like you're very passionate and enthusiastic about life in general because your life will be pretty well. They feel like you have your life together and they like that.

But there is some sadness here mainly relating to the fact that their child found their life partner and are moving on with life and they can't be a part of that. They might do some introspection to try change and get better, they may even try to slowly enter yours and your FS lives.

It feels like they may have been a dead-beat dad for some of you and for other just emotionally unavailable and maybe slightly abus!ve.

PILE 3

Your father-in-law it seems like they may be aware of your existence in their child's life, but they aren't aware of how significant you are but finding out about your significance in your FS life might be somewhat of a pleasant surprise to him.

He will have a positive opinion on you, feeling like you bring some balance and happiness to your future spouse, and it feels like he won't be too active in your life and that of your fs. Like not absent but giving you two space to be your own people and your own couple, but he'll be there when you need advice, or you need someone to talk to.

I think you may give him a fresh perspective on life, and he'll certainly appreciate your views and your opinions. He seems to eb more on the unconventional side.

Random information: He may pay for your wedding (if you want to get married) just because he wants to and it would make him happy to pitch in financially.

He may not be married to your FS' mother. Like he is married to your FS' stepmother, or their partner isn't the biological parent of your FS. I also get the vibe of it being maybe a same sex marriage.

[beescake]

i am in love with your sollux i think

sollux love party :]

if you’re interested heres some of my personal fondness thoughts on him.. big warning for the mega long read ahead aye

as we alr know sollux's rejection of participation somewhat mirrors dave's rejection of heroism, but even without getting cooked to completion i still find sollux's character v compelling beyond the fourth wall

as someone who doesnt get a pinch of that Protagonist Sparkle to begin with, he can openly say he wants to leave anytime…. and unlike dave, he actually Can leave the scene anytime. but he can never be truly Free from the story via permanent character death like the other trolls.

his irrelevancy is indeed relevant - he’s there so u can point him out.

while his image is intended to be a relic of past internet subculture, his role is not only about hehehaha being a Chad or a 2000s cyberforum 2²chan haxxor ragequit gamebro.

his continued existence also happens to add a Bit to the overarching themes of homestuck! a Bit that gives him longer-lasting thematic relevance compared to the trolls who could’ve had more character potential but didnt get to survive beyond the main story.

the Bit in question:

his defiance contributes to the illusion of agency (treating characters = people with autonomy). he’s “aware” of it, and that recognition is worth noting enough to forcibly keep him alive as both reward and punishment.

considering how his personality & classpect is designed its definitely a very haha thing for hussie to do LOL. he’s made to be op asf so he's resigned to doing dirty work, gradually deteriorating along the way but never truly dying. as fans have mentioned before, him openly rejecting involvement after a while of grim tolerance is like if the sim u were controlling suddenly stopped, looked up and gave u the finger while u were step six into the walkthrough for Every Possible Sim Death Animation.

but since he’s just a sim… the more he hates it, the more you keep him around. if ur sim started complaining abt your whimsical household storyline you’d definitely keep that little fuck.

but yeah i like that sollux is just idling. the significance of his presence being that one dude who's always reliably Somewhere, root core Unchanged, no individual ambitions (possibly due to fear of consequence?), and design-wise: a staple representative product of his time.

compared to dirk's character, who has aged phenomenally well into the present (themes of control + AR + artificial intelligence, clearer exploration around navigating relationships/sexuality, infinite possibilities of self-splinterhood and trait inheritance), sollux's potential is really... contained. bitter. defeatist. limiting and frustrating in the way old tech is.

the world continues moving on to shinier, brighter, more advanced automated things - minimalist and metaverse or whatever but sollux is still here 🧍‍♂️ going woohoo redblue 3d. (tho personally i imagine his vibe similar to what the kids call cassette futurism on pinterest mixed w more grimy grunge insectoid influences eheh)

conceptually-speaking,

at the foundation of it all, the rapid pace of modern development was built off the understanding of ppl like sollux in the past, who were There actively at work while the dough was still beginning to rise

thats one of the cool things abt the idea of trolls preceding humans! the idea that trolls like sollux excelled back when lots of basic shit still needed to be discovered, building structures like networks and codes from scratch, and humans will eventually inherit and reinvent that knowledge in ways that become so optimized it makes the old manual effort seem archaic, slow, and labour-intensive.

but despite information/resources/shortcuts being more accessible now, much of the new highly-anticipated stuff released on trend still end up unfinished, inefficient, or expiring quickly due to cutting corners under severe capitalistic pressures

meanwhile, some of the old stuff frm past generations of thorough, exploratory and perfectionistic development still remains working, complete, and ever so sturdy.

those things continue to exist, just outside our periphery with either:

zero purpose left for modern needs (outdated/obsolete)

or

far too important to replace or destroy, bcs of its surprisingly essential and circumstantial usefulness in one niche specific area.

which are honestly? both points that sum up sollux pree well.

dramatic ending sorry. anw are u still on the fence or are u Sick abt him like me </3

[neptuneiris]

Wild Hearts | (One Shot)

'you, it's always been you'

pairing: prince!aemond × lowborn!reader

summary: you and he can't be together, yet the two of you have fallen for each other. but the Gods are not merciful and you both have to let go. but by comparison, your charming prince doesn't think the same way you do.

word count: 8.6k

next part • main masterlist

this is the new idea that I was talking about hehe🤭

i hope you like it a lot and first of all, i want you to know that there will be part two and nothing else. so enjoy this, dig it and let me know your opinion that is the most excited i am to read❤

enjoy and thank you so much for your support beautiful people!

warnings: angst, sex content, arranged married, minor mentions of cuts and blood, smut but not so elaborate.

The Gods can be cruel.

And for some time they have been cruel, especially to you.

You are a lady, yes, but not of a great house enough to be worth anything really big and significant. All your father can offer the Realm is a few soldiers, horses and you.

You are the only daughter of an arranged marriage trying to find their place among the Court. And when you are born a woman, your duty is to marry a suitable man, please him and give birth to as many children as possible.

That was your purpose in coming to King's Landing after Queen Alicent approved your stay at the Red Keep and you became a lady-in-waiting to the highborn ladys who also remain at Court.

But no one, not even you, could have prevented that those plans would no longer be a priority for you the moment you met Prince Aemond Targaryen.

You knew of the one-eyed prince's reputation, as well as his brutality in combat, his cold behavior and also of his recognition as the rider of the largest dragon in the world. But most of all, you knew that his disinterested and sometimes mean personality... was due to how he lost his eye at such a young age.

But that was what he wanted to show all the people of the Court and its visitors.

After such humiliating years of trying to prove himself while at the same time listening to whispers and rumors about him and the pity he caused people for losing his eye, Aemond had no interest in pleasing the Court, so he was just mean, disinterested and cold.

But with you it was all different.

Perhaps it was being alone for so long that he finally got tired of himself and let you in and see his other side, his true side that very few were privileged to see. After all, you were just a lowborn lady who had lived her whole life with the same duty as him: to please the Realm and fill its needs.

But even he never imagined that you and he would understand each other so well.

The gleam of his violet eye, charged with an unusual intensity and determination, the effect he made you feel when you looked back at him and saw his patch covering his left socket and the way he spoke and behaved with you, triggered a wave of unknown emotions and expectations in you.

Your first casual encounter with the prince began in the library, where you exchanged literary tastes. You revealed your fascination for the history of the Andals, as well as shared with him how interesting you found the stories of his family, the Targaryens.

And he shared with you his admiration for history and philosophy as well.

Your casual encounters with him continued in the library and before long, those encounters extended to walks in the gardens. Those walks became a mostly secret habit, where you not only shared equal opinions about books and history, but where you both got to know each other a little more.

And despite the growing friendship and the bonds that intertwined with every conversation and interaction, the weight of undeniable reality persisted.

However, neither of you stopped.

On some trips he had to make, on every return he would always bring some gift for you, whether it was a piece of jewelry or a new book that you don't have access to, to leave secretly in you chamber. Or he would even surprise you with a rare flower that is not seen in the Crowlands, handing it to you so delicately while you tried to keep the blush on your cheeks from being so obvious.

You too tried to look casual when you went to the training yard just to watch him train discreetly, admiring his skills and in every fight smiling proudly every time he made his opponents surrender to him.

And in the midst of everything and everyone, his violet eye always met yours.

At banquets and celebrations it was also the same. The two of you couldn't engage in conversation as such, at least not alone, so all night long, you could only exchange glances and act like complete strangers.

But in the occasional places where the two of you meet and no one else is around, you can act completely free.

He shared with you the story of how he claimed Vhagar, told you more about the history of his ancestors, even taught you some High Valyrian words, while you, who in comparison to him do not possess anything as great and exciting as he does, share with him your thoughts, dreams and tastes.

You both became friends. You became the friend he didn't know he needed and you definitely didn't expect someone like him, especially him, to enjoy your company so much.

And during those years, you couldn't blame the Gods for falling completely in love with the prince.

That was your total freedom and decision, even though you knew how impossible the situation was and that the two of you could probably never be together.

Your house is not worth enough to allow a union between you and a prince of the Realm. It was also useless to suggest it, because the answer would be no, both from the Queen and from your parents, who would have been totally pleased.

But Aemond is destined for more, you know that. And that more is definitely not you and not even close.

And despite this, you couldn't help but imagine as a fleeting dream the moment when he and you unite and become one. A dream that will never happen in which you finally become his wife and you can call him yours, just as he can also call you his, in body and soul.

But that dream is finally shattered when they announce the official betrothal between him and Lady Floris Baratheon.

It was something that was eventually going to happen, you knew it was going to happen, but still, the news takes you by surprise and your heart breaks into pieces, while everyone around you rejoices at the news and approves.

The days following the betrothal announcement become dark and sad for you. You retreat most of your time in your chamber, not having the mood to go out and face the Court, much less him.

And when you had to face the daylight, your steps became stealthy and sparse, trying to keep your distance as much as possible and avoiding any possible encounter with him or anyone else from the royal family.

Aemond of course realized the distance you took and respected it. Not because he knew exactly what happened, but because he thought you had other important matters that did not allow you to share your time with him.

It wasn't until an audience at the Court where the Queen and the Hand of the King attend to the needs of the people, that Aemond finally caught a glimpse of you. But you didn't return his gaze even for a moment. And it is only then that he tries to understand the reason for your distancing, but your eyes avoid any eye contact with him.

You spend several days living in the same way, until one silent morning, Aemond finds you in the library all alone. He knows this is not your favorite time to read, nor is it his, so to say you are avoiding him is clear at that moment.

He opens one of the doors gently and closes it audibly enough to get your attention. He sees perfectly how your whole body tenses and nerves are reflected in your gaze, as well as discontent.

That especially catches his attention and with more purpose he wanders deeper into the library, watching you completely intently and in search of an explanation, wanting to know what he has done to make his presence before you now uncomfortable and annoying to you.

"My prince," you say politely enough, bowing your head to him, but already wanting to leave.

You certainly did not expect him to appear and now you only try to hide from him as much as you can so that he avoids looking at the disappointment on your face.

"My Lady," he says, still with bewilderment in his gaze, taking a couple of steps towards you, "It is good to finally see you after so many weeks without your presence."

You force a small smile, lowering your gaze.

"It's good to see you too, my prince."

His closeness begins to unsettle you, feeling each step he takes towards you as an echo of emotions you'd rather keep hidden. And this is exactly why you desperately seek a way out, a convincing excuse to get away from him.

"If you'll excuse me, my prince, I must retire," you decide to say without further ado, hoping that it will work, "I wish you a good day."

But you only manage to move two steps forward when he quickly blocks your path.

"Wait."

Instantly you watch him intently and in awe, feeling your heart begin to beat too fast, as he looks at you confused and hopeful.

"You've been... absent lately," he says, his words laden with a mixture of confusion and longing.

You swallow hard, averting your gaze from his for a moment. You don't even want to look him in the eye but that would be rude and not appropriate behavior in front of a prince. So you have no choice.

"Yes," you say in a mumble, trying to find an excuse quickly, "I-I've had to take care of some important matters with my family. Also, my responsibilities at Court have kept me occupied with the ladies and other engagements, which has left me less free time, my prince."

And despite your explanation, really not at all convincing, Aemond can't help but feel annoyed.

"And will you stop saying that?" he inquires in a low tone and you watch him in confusion.

"What do you mean, my prince?"

"Exactly that, my title," he points out deliberately, "There's no one else here, it's just you and me. I don't understand what all the formality is about."

You press your lips together, again averting your gaze from him, as you as well as he, feel that tension between the two of you, a tension completely unfamiliar and one you have never felt before in each other's presence.

You had never felt uncomfortable in his presence and you had never wanted to get away from him before.

"I apologize. It was not my intention to offend you," you observe him with a serious expression, "If you'll excuse me, I have to leave now to attend to an engagement."

Again you try to walk past him and head for the library doors, but Aemond prevents it once again, blocking your path and pushing you back with his determined and clearly annoyed gaze.

"You are avoiding me," he sentences, firm with his words, showing his inconformity, surprising you, "Nothing is the same between both of us anymore and your explanations don't justify it," he says, with annoyance in his voice and a determination, "Did something happen that I don't know about?"

He asks, watching you with a restrained fury, mostly to see how you try to escape from him, while you press your lips together, trying not to let your look show your pain, disappointment and resignation.

But his gaze clings to yours with an intensity charged with longing, wanting to know, while the silence is uncomfortable and you feel again that tension between the two of you. Until finally you decide to break the silence to not quite answer her question, still evading it.

"This is inappropriate. We shouldn't be alone."

You say without looking him in the eye and that only increases the anger inside him more, watching you without understanding.

"Why the shyness all of a sudden?"

You bite your lips, feeling the discontent all over your insides as you say your next words.

"You are betrothed. People might think badly of you and me if they see us here alone."

"Oh, please Y/N," he tells you incredulously, annoyed, "You're acting ridiculous."

"Aemond-

"Why this sudden concern for appearances?" he questions, his tone infused with irritation and annoyance, "Everyone knows we're close, we always have been, and now it's inappropriate?" he inquire, not understanding.

You let out a short breath, closing your eyes for a moment, really not wanting this to be any harder than it probably will be.

"You don't understand," you murmur sadly, biting your lips, "You are betrothed now," you observe him with the resistance to cry in your gaze, "Now there are limits we cannot cross. And it would be best if this were no longer to go on," you say with a lump in your throat, "Your gifts and our meetings must stop, for the good of your future marriage and out of respect for your f-future... wife."

The weight of your words are felt in your tone, with sadness invading you as you utter them, as well as the ending of this... friendship.

Again the heavy silence hangs between the two of you, laden with a sadness and helplessness that neither of you can control. And although Aemond doesn't fully understand your reasons for distancing yourself from him, he knows there is something else that he still can't quite figure it out.

"Y/N, if you're upset because I didn't tell you about the plans my mother and grandsire had for me-

"No, no, I assure you it's not that," you hasten to say, hiding your sadness and disappointment, "It would eventually happen, wouldn't it?" you shrug, trying to smile genuinely towards him, but you can't, "You must do your duty and I will too, sooner or later," you say, lowering your gaze.

Aemond is speechless for a moment, watching you and nothing else, still feeling the guilt inside, while you struggle to contain your true emotions and shout to him in that moment that you love him, let him know once and for all, though it won't change anything.

"Y/N..." he murmurs, his barely audible voice full of bewilderment and a hint of pain, "Still I didn't want to-

"No, no... it's not your fault," you say again quickly, struggling to keep your composure, "Truly, it's all right. I should leave now."

He lets out a sigh, lowering his gaze for a second to look at you in concert with longing and concern.

"Can we please talk about this? I don't want things to end up like this between us."

"Don't worry," you try to smile genuinely at him, but rather a grimace appears on your lips, "I'm sure we can meet in the hallways and talk at the feast."

You tell him in a confident and assured tone, but even you know that won't be true.

"Oh and... hum... congratulations on your upcoming nuptials," you say with a lump in your throat and a forced smile on your lips.

To you, the falsity of your congratulations echoes in the air, a subtle echo of disappointment and resignation flooding your heart. Aemond tries to say something with the right words, but you don't give him the time as you finally move forward and no one stops you, each step echoing with the heaviness of what could have been and was not.

But just when you think you've managed to get far enough away, a hand gently lands on your arm, once again stopping you.

"Wait, please."

Aemond's voice sounds full of urgency and longing, making your breath catch for a second. And when you turn to look at him with the clear resignation and sadness in your gaze, his look reveals a mixture of torment and determination, frustration as well.

"I did not wish for this, Y/N," he confesses truthfully, his voice soft and emotionally charged. "It is not my desire to marry Lord Borros' daughter. That is not what I wish for myself."

Your eyes fill with tears as you hear his words, surprise in your gaze. And he stares directly into your eyes with despair, as if his thoughts are trying to be conveyed through his gaze.

And even though you have nothing to say regarding that, he continues with a confession that takes your breath away.

"Y/N..." he whispers, his expression heavy with longing. "If I had a choice, if the decision were mine, I would not hesitate in....

His words hang in the air, causing confusion in you for a moment, but as you watch him closely, his gaze speaks for him.

He watches you with attention, longing and hope, adoringly seeing the way your beautiful purple dress highlights your figure and beauty, with those precious and discreet jewels adorning your neck and fingers... his woman.

He shows you his affection and expresses it simply by observing you that he doesn't need to say anything else aloud. The meaning of her words is dispersed between the two of you, revealing a shared desire and a deep connection.

As you, upon understanding, surprise and hope collide within you, leaving you breathless at the implicit, yet clear revelation. Emotions intertwine in a whirlwind of feelings as the weight of his words sink deep within you. Your heart only beats faster, unable to believe what you are hearing, as time seems to have stopped, unable to speak.

And only then there, you can feel joy in knowing that your feelings are reciprocated, but the pain of knowing that it is now too late, simply ruins everything and fills you with pain.

"Why are you saying it until now?" you whisper with your voice broken and your gaze lowered.

"Y/N, please-

You don't let him say anything else, as with a lump in your throat and tears streaming down your cheeks, a sight Aemond doesn't like to see, you turn away from him more quickly and walk out of the library, leaving him alone with the weight of these confessions and unspoken words.

Also with a heart full of regret.

The news of your courtship came weeks after the last time you spoke to Aemond in the library.

You definitely did not expect to hear that at all, as you felt like you had been unexpectedly punched hard in your stomach and a sharp pain settled in your chest as your father spoke complacently about how he received two advantageous offers for the asking of your hand, Lord Ronan Redwyne and Lord Alan Beesbury.

Despite your father's efforts to express the importance and political benefits of such possible unions, to you it was as if the air itself had become heavier and stifling.

Only on this occasion the Gods had been good to you, as both men are the same age as you, so the fear of having to marry a man who multiplies your age and was surely going to be bad to you evaporates.

But still, you feel trapped and obligated.

Of course, your parents are quick to push you to start having conversations with both men to see which of the two is the most suitable for you.

Lord Alan, with his refined presence and gentle smile, known to be a skilled knight, is kind and very gentlemanly. You always see his attempt to make you feel comfortable with his presence, also in the topics of conversation that arise between the two, telling you about his home, his family, some stories and sharing some wishes with you.

You appreciate that, as you can tell he's doing his best, but even so, your mind reels at the thought of him being the possible candidate to take your hand, which adds another layer of complexity to your situation.

The same goes for Lord Ronan.

Despite his kindness, chivalry and the attractiveness of his face, you find no peace in the situation. You don't even care that they are both advantageous for a future marriage, all you want is freedom, to wait a little longer until you heal.

But at least you are being given the choice, a privilege not many women get from their parents when it comes time to marry and simply sell them as a trophy to the first advantageous man.

"It's a beautiful day, don't you think, my Lady?" says Ronan, breaking the silence between the two as you stroll through the Red Keep gardens.

"Yes, it is," you reply with a forced smile, lowering your gaze, keeping your pace slow.

He watches you intently.

"I just want you to know that I am eager to get to know you better, my Lady," he tells you gently and formally, "And any questions you have about me, you can tell me. Also any thoughts you have, I will be pleased to hear them."

You nod politely, feeling a little uncomfortable about the situation, unable to help yourself. And though you truly appreciate Ronan's kindness, your heart still yearns for something that now eludes you.

As you continue the walk, you strive to find something in Ronan, anything, just as you do whenever you are in Lord Alan's company, but you always fail. And even though neither of them is a bad man, you know that they too are caught up in choosing a future wife that is not entirely of their choosing.

"I thank you for your kindness, my Lord."

You say in a sincere voice, looking him in the eyes for the first time since you had started the walk,

"And also for your interest. Not many men are interested in the thoughts of women these days."

Ronan places a kind and understanding little smile on his lips, nodding in your direction.

"There is nothing to be thankful for, my Lady. And I know it's only a short time since we've begun to know each other, but I enjoy your company."

You nod again, keeping your gaze straight ahead, unable to help but feel how you still feel overwhelmed by the weight of courtship and the fact that you will soon marry him or Lord Alan.

And at the same time, reality dawns on you with undeniable clarity: Ronan and Alan are good men, but neither is him.

While both may be honorable companions, your heart still yearns for someone you can't have, feeling utterly sad and resigned, because it's not fair, not to the two of them either.

But how can you make those feelings go away fast?

And just when things couldn't be more unexpected for you, as you turn down one of the bush paths along with Ronan, you both find yourselves face to face with Aemond accompanied by Lady Floris at his side, who were walking in the opposite direction.

And the air is enveloped with immediate tension.

You knew that eventually the news of your courtship with two possible candidates to give your hand in marriage would reach Aemond's ears, but when your eyes involuntarily meet his, you see only dissatisfaction and restrained fury.

This triggers a whirlwind of emotions within you, trying to disguise your surprise and discomfort, also nerves, as well as you try to focus on your companion, trying to move on and appear unaffected by this.

"Lady Y/N," Lady Floris greets politely with a smile, breaking the silence, "Lord Ronan," she address him, "How lovely to see you both this morning."

"Lady Floris," you reply, trying to remain calm, then look almost fearfully at Aemond, "Prince Aemond," you tilt your head slightly, biting the inside of your cheek.

"My Lady," he answers you in a soft tone.

Ronan at your side also greets Lady Floris in a respectful manner, then turns to Aemond.

"My prince."

"Lord Ronan," says Aemond, in a dismissive tone, observing you attentively and at the same time in seriousness.

Aemond's tone does not go unnoticed by you, with an intensity on his face that does not go unnoticed either, as you struggle to remain calm in the face of the uncomfortable situation.

It is clear that Ronan's presence at your side does not please him at all.

As Lady Floris at his side, she attempts to carry on a polite conversation, oblivious to the tension that has taken over the moment.

"I would like to offer my best wishes to you both on your courtship," Lady Floris begins to say kindly, "Fortunately the prince and I are in the same place as you and understand what it can be to have expectations high in families if you decide to join your houses."

You feel more the knot in your stomach and the discomfort all over your body, not daring to say anything regarding that, while Aemond remains just as silent as you.

And fortunately Ronan is the one who appreciates Floris' gesture, while Aemond keeps his eye on you with an expressionless but penetrating gaze, also watching Ronan from time to time.

"Thank you, my Lady," Ronan replies courteously, "Your words are most kind and we wish you both well in your future marriage."

"Of course. We hope to see you both at our upcoming wedding," Floris adds with a kind and visibly excited smile, while you again feel your heart give a painful jump.

And since you say nothing, nor does Aemond, Ronan hastens to speak.

"Of course, my Lady. We will see you there."

With pain in your eyes, your gaze involuntarily drifts to Aemond for a brief moment, where he is already watching you. And in that fleeting moment, the looks in both of your eyes convey more than words can express.

With a polite bow, the four of you take your leave and each pair continues on their own way.

You try to focus on your steps along with Ronan's, but the echo of tension and unspoken feelings leave an unpleasant sensation throughout your body. And that's when you hope that soon, both you and he will find peace in your respective futures.

But it didn't look like that was going to happen anytime soon. Neither did acceptance.

Aemond continued the rest of his walk with Floris in the gardens with his mind still focused on the encounter with you and that boy clearly unworthy of you. He didn't even pay attention to what Floris was talking about, he had not the slightest interest and obliged, he had to complete his walk with her contributing very little to the conversation.

Even he himself could not avoid the feeling of suffocation and frustration that invaded him. Seeing Y/N, his Y/N, next to that poor boy, one of his possible candidates to take her hand in marriage, provoked a mixture of indescribable emotions inside him and he made a great effort to keep his composure.

He feels furious and emotionally on the verge of exploding, like a mad man, with impotence filling him with rage.

Why should she marry a man who was not him? Why should he be forced to witness her courtship with another man? Why couldn't he have realized that she also loves him the same way he loves her and reacted sooner?

He felt that he was really going to go crazy, so as soon as he bids farewell to Floris and leaves her in the company of the other ladies of the Court, he heads for the training yard.

Big mistake.

As soon as his presence arrives at this place of the Red Keep, the figure of Lord Ronan pulls him out of his thoughts and draws his full attention.

At least he has the decency to hold a sword.

He thinks to himself, watching as he finds himself engrossed in his own training, accompanied by other knights, practicing his sword moves. He also thinks about focusing on his own training, but finds it a better idea to meet the candidate of his dear friend Y/N, wanting to know what truly awaits her.

After all, Lord Ronan is not the only candidate, Lord Alan also frequents the training yard and will eventually see him as well. So with a determined step, he approaches him.

"Lord Ronan," he says in a cool but controlled tone as he approaches, heading towards the weapons table.

"Prince Aemond," Ronan replies, stopping his training and turning to him, "It is good to see you here as well, my prince."

His gaze assesses Ronan closely, noting his every gesture and movement. And despite the anger still flowing through his veins, he remains calm, not revealing too much of his thoughts.

"I guess you don't train enough at home. House Redwyne is best known for making sweet wine from the grapes that grow on your island," he comments neutrally, watching Ronan's position with meticulous attention.

"Ah... no, my prince," Ronan says politely, "I have had training lessons with the sword, among other weapons, since I was a young boy. So have other members of my family and I assure you we are well trained," he replies, adjusting the position of his sword, "After all, a knight must remain prepared at all times."

"Hm," he says seriously, "And that is what you have accomplished with so many years of training?"

Ronan remains calm in the face of the prince's critical gaze, though Aemond's insinuation resonates with a defiant tone.

"P-pardon me?"

"With those moves is that how you're going to ensure protection for your future wife?" he inquires with a dismissive tone, challenging Ronan with his words.

Tension begins to be felt in the air, the verbal confrontation slipping between the two men. And though Ronan maintains his composure, not wanting his words to affect him, the disdain in the prince's words does not go unnoticed.

"Appearances can be deceiving, my prince," Ronan said calmly, controlling each word to convey determination, "And my duty as protector of my future wife is not limited to combat alone. I suppose there are more important aspects."

Aemond tilts his head, watching him in confusion.

"And what aspects are those, my Lord?" he asks, clearly disinterested.

"Loyalty, anticipation and sacrifice," he replied determinedly. "Protection goes beyond sword skills; it involves being willing to give your all for the person you are sworn to protect."

Ronan's words echoed in the air, filling the space between them with a seriousness that could not be ignored. And Aemond, his brow furrowed, lets out a sigh and watches him more seriously than before.

"Do you hear yourself, my lord? Speaking like the ladies of the Court who read and listen to love ballads," he snaps, watching him in disapproval, "Loyalty, anticipation and sacrifice are not going to protect your future wife from a life-threatening attack," he says and then turns away, taking his sword and a shield from the table.

Ronan swallows hard.

"You need not worry, my prince. Still I assure you that I am well prepared for combat."

"Oh yeah?" he looks at him expectantly, turning to him with his weapons in hands, "Then prove it."

Ronan looks a little confused.

"My prince-

"Come on," he interrupts him, egging him on with defiance, discontent and agitation in his tone and look, "If you're as skillful as you proclaim, then prove it."

The atmosphere grows more tense, as Aemond waits for Ronan to accept his challenge and prove his worth beyond words. Both men hold each other's gazes firmly, with the tension increasing by the second, but neither takes a step back.

The confrontation becomes tangible. Glares charged with a subtle but unmistakable rivalry. And without further words, the air filled with the anticipation of the physical training ahead, as the two head to the center of the training yard, each preparing in their own way.

Aemond tightens his grip on his sword and without hesitation, lunges towards Ronan with fierce determination, causing the poor knight to have little anticipation to protect himself from his sword, but managing to dodge it and answer him in kind.

At first it appears to be casual training, yet Aemond wants to get a reaction out of him.

And between every clash of swords and every move full of speed and precision, at every failure of Ronan, Aemond taunts and shouts questions and insults at him in a defiant voice while demanding superior performance.

And at every failure and every taunt, Ronan's determination grows, also inevitably to the prince's provocations.

"Is that all you can do!?"

Aemond exclaims arrogantly to him, wiping the sweat from his brow, trying to unsettle him.

Ronan growls and focuses on his movements, responding with brutality and force, trying to answer every blow he threw at him, which to Aemond, couldn't be more pathetic and weak movements.

"This is what you plan to defend yourself with? This is what you have learned?" he inquires, mockingly, "What a shame."

Ronan lowers his sword a little, watching him in bewilderment and panting in exhaustion.

"My prince-

He tries to say but Aemond won't let him.

"No," he tells him seriously, "Be a fucking man and fight me back."

Aemond raises his sword again and slams it against his, causing him to lose his balance, while Ronan as best he can defends himself from their attacks, while the combat begins to attract the attention of the other knights and some people of the Court.

And only when Aemond sees that they have just started and he can no longer stand and does not even have more strength in his arms, the confrontation went from a simple duel to a battle without mercy.

And he in a fit of anger and frustration, leads to hit him with his foot in the chest with excessive force, making him gasp in pain and throwing him to the ground, and then walk quickly towards him, with purpose, raising his sword, so Ronan quickly tries to get up, raising his sword, blocking his attack.

Then Aemond's sword dangerously grazes Ronan's shoulder, knocking him back to the ground with a blow to his side.

"My prince-

"You yield!?" he exclaims to him in his madness, bringing the point of his sword to his throat.

"Yes! I yield!"

"Just like that!? So easy!?"

"Prince Aemond!"

He hears someone shout in the distance but he focuses entirely on Ronan below him.

"I yield!"

"He's bleeding!"

"My prince!" comes Criston Cole immediately.

And only at that moment does Aemond stop, breathing shakily, his gaze with barely contained fury. And only at that moment he also notices that Ronan has a wound on his shoulder with which he had brushed his sword earlier, not realizing at the time that he had wounded him.

Ronan presses his free hand to the wound, trying to stop the bleeding, watching him in horror and clearly calling for help.

Aemond squeezes his sword again so hard that it marks his white knuckles, watching everyone around him for a moment, then with a hard stare, turning to him again, angling his body so that only he can hear him.

"You are not worthy of her," he whispers in a low voice, his words laden with disdain and resentment.

And without caring about the stares or even her opponent's injury, he leaves the shield on the ground and with his sword in hand heads towards the interior of the Red Keep's castle.

Aemond knew that eventually what happened at the training yard would reach your ears. He also expected a confrontation about it, but he didn't imagine he would face your fury late at night.

His guards are required to stand guard in different hallways, so taking advantage of the fact that there are none in the hallway by his doors, you quickly make your way there to enter his chamber as fast as your body will allow.

He looks up from his book in his lap, sitting near the fireplace, watching you attentively at once, but before he can say anything, you turn to him with your lips pressed together and annoyance in your eyes.

"Have you lost your mind?" you inquire in a serious and demanding tone, looking for explanations.

And just like you, Aemond isn't having your attitude either. He's annoyed to see how you haven't taken any time at all to come to the defense of that stupid, poor, defenseless boy.

Putting his book aside, he stands up, imposing his presence on you. Despite having to raise your face to face him directly, you don't let his posture intimidate you.

"I see that that... Ronan matters too much to you, my Lady," he says in a dismissive tone, "It took you no time at all to fall for his sure sweet words and promises of love. After all, you and he are very much alike."

You inhale deeply before responding, seeking calm despite his attitude and the tone of his words.

"Ronan and I are getting to know each other, nothing more. Just as you are getting to know Floris Baratheon. But I'm not doing anything against you, yours is for sure, she's going to be your wife. But you can't go hurting and almost killing the men who can be my future husband."

He looks away from yours for a moment, irritated.

"I don't know what you expected, honestly," he tells you seriously and indifferently, "That's what happens in combat when we fight with weapons, Y/N, men get hurt. And if Ronan is weak and wasn't taught well, that's not my problem."

You stand your ground, incredulous to hear his words.

"That doesn't justify what you did. Everyone witnessed how the combat began and it was you who unfairly exploded against him, hurting him," you reproach him with determination. "His wound was deep. He needed eight stitches!"

Aemond, sick of this, averts his gaze from yours and turns his back on you, heading towards his table to pour himself a glass of wine under your confused and incredulous gaze.

"I don't understand why you're so worried, he'll be fine. After all, you still have another possible candidate for your hand, I hear," he says in a tone devoid of emotion, laden with bitterness, "Though I doubt he's much stronger than Ronan."

His voice sounds harsh, his words laden with a bitter resentment that he can barely hide, jealous.

"So this is how things will be?"

You ask him earnestly and sadly, fighting back tears that threaten to escape at any moment.

"You'll go around hurting my suitors until there are none left and I have no chance of marrying anyone else but not you either?"

Tension hangs in the air as you wait for his response, feeling the weight of your words and the clash of emotions between the two of you.

And he remains silent, staring out the window with a hard stare, as if not looking for an answer through the glass, turning his back to you and not daring to look at you at that moment.

Finally the first tear rolls down your cheek and Aemond listens as you gently sniffle your nose, then turns to you, his face showing a mixture of emotions, from hardness to the flash of regret and longing.

And he lets out a defeated sigh.

"That's not what this is about, Y/N," he murmurs in a softer tone, his expression revealing his inner struggle, "They're not worthy of you. Your father is choosing wrong."

And that's when you explode with anger and frustration, unable to contain yourself any longer.

"I just don't understand why you care so much, Aemond!" you exclaim without understanding, "You shouldn't see them as a threat because they are not. You have nothing to do here!"

You face him, as your tears fall silently, with a defiant look and your posture firm, though full of sadness, anguish and confusion, inside and outside. And he too responds to you in kind.

"Of course I do!" he turns to you angrily, exclaiming in his fury, "This does concern me because those fucking men and your father are going to take you away from me! And they have no right!"

And again your emotions boil over, fury and pain getting the best of you.

"Do you even listen to yourself? How irrational you are being?" you inquire, not understanding, "You didn't even do anything in the beginning, you are the prince, the one who had the power to do something about it and you never even once asked for my hand!" you shout at him, your voice full of reproach, sadness and disappointment.

Furious, Aemond turns around and in a burst of anger, throws his hand towards the table, causing the wine jar and the cups to fall to the floor with a deafening clatter. The sudden sound makes you jump and recoil, startled by the noise and force of the act.

He turns his back and heads for the back of his chair, leaning hard against it as he tries to contain his fury. With her breathing rapid and agitated he struggles to regain his composure, his body tensing and closing his eye tightly.

The air becomes tense and the silence uncomfortable, as Aemond fights against himself and you just allow yourself to cry silently.

When he speaks again, with a tinge of bitterness in his gaze, still not turning to look at you and his voice soft but laden with resignation, still holding back his fury.

"I wanted to," he confesses to you, his vulnerability visible, "But my mother and grandsire would never have approved, you know that."

His statement leaves you speechless, with a mixture of sadness and disappointment that he didn't even try, not once and yet...he has the nerve to do this to you.

You remain silent and the disappointment and bitterness reflect even more on your face as the tears run their course, to finally gather your courage and speak.

"Then... let me go," you whisper, it being more of a painful plea than a command.

Silence expands in the room, marking every second with the heaviness of unresolved emotions. And you, overwhelmed with disappointment and pain, understand that you have nothing more to do here and turn to leave.

You don't even care if one of the guards sees you coming out of his chamber, you don't even care if rumors arise seeing you here late at night and everything gets too complicated, you just need to get out of here soon.

And with tears still running down your cheeks and being completely heartbroken, you grab the doorknob. But just as you are about to turn it, his firm and determined hand lands on your waist and turns you towards him, stopping you.

The action takes you by surprise and you look at him without understanding, he doesn't give you time to say anything either as he places one hand on your cheek and the other keeps it firmly on your waist, bringing his body close to yours.

And still without reacting, he moves closer, his warm breath brushing against your face.

"I can't," he murmurs, his voice cracking with anguish, laden with longing and regret, "I can't," he repeats in a whisper, gently caressing your cheek, "I'm sorry."

And just then, without a thought for anyone else and without a care in the world, his lips trap yours in a passionate, desperate kiss.

Paralyzed, surprise takes you completely and you can only feel how every movement of his lips is a mixture of apology and desire, asking you to kiss him back.

His arms wrap firmly around you, clinging to you as if he's going to lose you at any moment. And unable to resist a second longer, with his soft lips and warm mouth on top of yours, he makes the world fade away around you in that instant and you kiss him back.

You place your arms around his neck and cling to him completely, moving your lips in sync with his, as he presses your body against his and lets out a gasp at the wonderful feeling of having you this way with him.

And you feel as if you are floating, this being exactly what you had dreamed and prayed for so much, wishing and praying to the Gods that this is not also one of your cruel dreams.

But this is real. It is finally happening.

So you allow yourself to lose yourself completely in it, not thinking about the consequences and not caring about anything else, as Aemond walks you around without stopping kissing you for a single moment, until his feet touch the edge of his bed.

"I love you. I love you so much, my sweet girl."

He whispers into your lips, watching you with all that love and desire in his gaze, noticing your swollen and parted lips, watching him back with the same intensity and completely surprised to hear his words.

And without saying anything back, with the actions speaking for themselves, you kiss him again, feeling that urge to cry, but of happiness.

Aemond falls down sitting on the edge of his bed and you take a seat on his lap, placing your knees on either side of his hips, clinging to his neck and kissing him slow, deep, making you feel everything.

"I love you too," you murmur against his lips, watching him with nothing but affection and desire.

He kisses you again desperately, feeling something warm in his chest at your words, holding your waist with one of his hands and the other beginning to lift the edges of your skirt, making his way to touch your bare thigh.

You gasp into his lips, feeling his warm hand and the cool metal of his rings, only to tilt your head as he begins to leave soft, wet kisses down your neck, trying to find your sensitive spot to make you shiver.

"You're so beautiful," he murmurs, leaving a kiss on your collarbone, lifting his gaze to you.

"A-aemond," you gasp, feeling the hardness beneath you.

You reach up with one of your hands and remove his eye patch, wanting to see everything about him, instantly reflecting the faint light of his blue sapphire, looking so beautiful and dazzling.

You smile softly at the sight of him, then leave a soft kiss on his cheek, beginning to leave a small trail down his face to kiss him on the lips, as his hand on your thigh makes gentle, firm strokes on your skin.

Slowly, he lifts his hand from your waist to the laces of your dress, watching you attentively afterwards and needing first of all your permission. And you help him untie the knots yourself.

Your front of the dress loosens and revealing your white gown underneath, Aemond lifts one of his hands and gently traces your skin between the valley of your breasts, making you shudder and shiver, then stops at the straps, watching you again.

"May I?"

With the blush on your cheeks and the nerves in your lower abdomen, really wanting to do this, you nod.

"Yes."

His hand slowly slides the strap down your shoulder and arm, then exposes your breasts to him, making you feel more nervous, but you feel completely safe to be doing this with him.

Truly everything that happens next, giving him your mainhead and letting his calloused hands explore all over your naked body, is by choice and you think to yourself that if there is one man you would willingly trust with this, it's him.

And just as the tip of his hot, hard, heavy cock makes its way between your walls, he knows exactly how to comfort you and make you feel comfortable. Instantly blood stains his sheets, but he doesn't care at all.

And when he begins to move inside you, slowly and very carefully, waiting for you to get used to it, he wipes away every tear that escapes your eyes and comforts you with his hands and kisses, making sure that at all times you are well.

"You feel so fucking good, so warm and tight, my love."

And despite his obscene words, his actions are anything but, his movements careful and careful not to hurt you, asking you how you feel.

He kisses you sweetly and caresses your breasts, he makes sure to pleasure you too, as he understands that this is not just about him and the act is not just about fucking, but him making love to you.

He growls into your lips and you gasp as he begins to move with more purpose inside you, feeling the sweat all over your body and forehead, clinging to his shoulders and gently digging your nails into his skin also lightly illuminated by sweat.

"Do you have any idea how long I imagine this?" he whispers against your lips, moving his hips and pounding that sweet spot inside you, making you moan beneath him.

But he quiets your moans with his lips, not wanting anyone out there to hear you, it would be too risky.

"Aemond," you say his name in a moan, biting your lips.

"What's wrong, my sweet girl? Does it hurt?" he says to start moving more gently.

"N-no. It just... feels so good," you manage to say over the sensual movement of his hips that make you see stars behind your eyes.

The act doesn't last long and very soon Aemond makes you reach your highest point, making you experience a sensation you had no idea about all over your body and he also spills all his seed inside you, grunting and moaning from the pleasure as he feels your walls squeezing him deliciously.

And then, both of you sweaty and trying to catch your breath, you embrace and take a moment in his bed.

You feel a tingle between your legs that is more than gratifying and Aemond, for the first time in a long time, feels at peace and completely at ease, especially having you in his arms at this moment.

There was no time for regrets and worries, it was all done. So the two of you dive into that little world where only the two of you exist.

But even though you didn't want to think about it, you think about the future, with uncertainty beginning to invade you, as you inhale Aemond's scent, hiding your face between his neck and chest, embracing him as he encloses you in his arms and gently caresses your bare shoulder with his thumb, listening to his soft breathing above you.

You let out a sigh, close your eyes and wish you could stay like this forever, starting to feel your eyes water and that huge worry in your chest for what you just did.

When Aemond speaks.

"In the morrow I will talk to your father and ask for your hand."

He says in a soft voice and everything in you comes to a complete standstill, listening to him attentively.

"I'm sure he won't be able to resist my proposal. No one will be able to stop us when they know I have claimed your mainhead, not even my mother and grandsire. And then... we will have our Valyrian wedding and there will be no turning back," he murmurs and then places a soft smile on his lips, "You will be mine, as much as you already are now."

You feel him leave a soft kiss in your hair and you smile softly, moving closer towards him, if possible.

"Sounds like an excellent plan, my love," you whisper, grateful.

And finally you can be at peace now.

[toruforuu]

gojo satoru x reader || hogwarts au (18+)

wonderwall chp.3 summer’s passing

✼pairing: hogwarts au - slytherin!gojo x ravenclaw!reader

✼summary: gojo satoru, the golden boy of a famous family lineage of wizards sets his sights on you, a half blood defying his pureblood morals. he makes it a goal in his life to make yours a living hell. years of endless pestering, teasing and rivalry stretching out. as times goes on, he finds himself thinking about you more than he isn’t. he grows torn between his family’s beliefs and the forbidden ache tickling his chest whenever he sees you

✼meaning: wonderwall - the person you cannot stop thinking about (song by oasis)

✼genre/tags: hogwarts au, female reader, strangers to enemies/sort of academic rivals to forbidden lovers, slow burn, angst, eventual smut, pining and yearning (mostly gojo), built up tension, teasing, bickering and pestering, jealousy, slightly spoiled gojo, obsessed and lovesick gojo, both are pretty oblivious to their feelings

✼warnings: discrimination, death, grief, shitty parents, light bullying, mentions of hook ups, sexual topics, family pressure and trauma, mentions of injuries and violence, degradation, mentions of political views, escalating political situation, lgbtq representation

✼word count: 5.4k

✼chapter: 3/?

a/n: welcome and thank you for reading yet another chapter of my story! this one i am rather proud of, so much that it actually left me reminiscing about my prom. lmao, i wasn’t supposed to make myself sad. anyhow, we are finally seeing some significant shift and some corruption of their world. also gojo is kind of a jerk again, yikes

based on this // previous chapter // next chapter

˚⟡˖ ࣪:link to playlist

˚⟡˖ ࣪:link to vision-board

Gojo Satoru went into your fifth year reminiscing about summer which was very unlike him, hazing about the period of fruition, fulfilment and beauty. The season where you do not have to worry what day it is. A season which never captured his fondness. Was it the lack of simple magic which could be casted from the depths of the organ beating against his ribs with no actual logic behind it? Was it because he hadn’t met anyone worth making summer memorable for? Was it due to the reason it spoke a language he was never fluent in? Or perhaps it wasn’t summer he found himself thinking about throughout his free time which was mediocre at best, but he would never acknowledge that. He refused to.

Time flooded by as the students were sent off home to their families. Summer taking up its usual form of isolation from the outside world. Until one fairy night of June turned into warm July and he and his family were off to attend a meeting held in the muggle world, for it wasn’t a meeting honourable enough to be public and neither within the lines of accepted politics swirling in the wizard world. It wasn’t a meeting you wanted to be caught in by any member working for the ministry as it concerned a horrible scheming which was yet to unfold to the wizard world. The Gojo family was one of the few on the list of special picked attendees, their pureblood linage earning them a place in the gathering evil.

The three of them strode through a less busy street of the capital city where they passed hundreds of muggles hurrying through their own lives who occasionally glanced at the abnormality of their sculptured features, the discarding hardened gazes and actions of the Gojo’s spoke louder than their words ever could. Though Satoru couldn’t care less about attending the meeting, he went to keep his parents at bay and out of curiosity since he didn’t get to visit the human world often. His eyes weren’t as judgmental as his parent’s, he took in the surroundings lightly. The construction of the non wizard world looking plain and flavourless, it wasn’t anything he would admire but it wasn’t something to be hated either.

He was couple of steps behind his parents when his orbs wandered towards the other side of the pavement across the main road. That’s where he captured your frame walking down the bustling street with an older man by your side. He pieced it together quite quickly, it must have been your father. A part of him almost froze at the sight of you being so casual and carefree. It felt odd to see you in your natural habitat. One he wasn’t allowed to be a part of. Yet there you were. Only across the road from him, strolling down the street as ice cream dripped down the curve of your hand. A tote bag decorated with ton of trinkets thrown over your shoulder, bouncing against your hip as you moved. A long white linen skirt reaching down to your ankles, the fabric dangling as the wind-chime breeze hit. Your hair was put together by a clip, messily keeping it from coming undone as your lips moved while answering your father. A soft smile plastered on them — one he wasn’t used to seeing — as you laughed at your conversation. Birds chipped in the background followed by a rustling sound of cars driving by along with a mixture of sweat and citrusy perfume hanging in the air. And you, totally unbeknownst to his presence.

If he hadn’t known, he would never guess you were a wizard like him. It struck him then, you were a part of the wizard world as much as the human one. Something he hadn’t thought of before and it left him feeling somewhat uneasy.

It was his mother’s voice pulling him out of the trance he wasn’t aware he was in, causing his gaze to snap back ahead of himself. She scolded him for not paying attention, demanding an explanation. To which he frowned as he resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Instead of responding, Satoru’s head tilted in the other direction to scan the apartment buildings in order to push aside the other need to glide his eyes over to your direction again. Meanwhile his mother scanned you from the corner of her eye after she pointed your father out in the crowd of bodies. His mother didn’t press further, letting it slip regardless of her gut feeling warning her.

The memory of you in your linen skirt — similar to a myth, washed over by a wave of present haunted him. He questioned if it was a mere corruption of his own mind toying with him as he was comprehending whenever you were truly strolling down the street or if you were a creation of his fantasy after he replayed the passing moment far too many times. The reminder of your existence and how little he knew added an ode to his low opinion of summer, he wasn’t a fan of it.

Satoru navigated his free time into another direction, different from what he was used to. Rather than staying at his family mansion and spending the time by himself, he welcomed the society parades and balls his family dealt with and organised from time to time. He wasn’t lazy before, simply had no interest. Yet now, he went out of his way by seeking out distractions, meeting up with friends from school. Friends who grew up in the same aspect as he did, fed with silver spoons and whose families had a similar rank in the wizard society — filling his space with people who didn’t make him wonder endlessly as you did. He allowed himself to be swept off his feet this particular break if it meant he would be freed of the thought of you and your stupid flowy skirt.

You considered you were hallucinating for a good moment that one July evening when you picked upon a flash of artic locks shimmering due to the sunlight in the crowd. However, before you could grasp it as you blinked away the blinding sun, the thought of what you were seeing got lost in the busy street. It left a pang of confusion stirring within you, but you brushed it away as you found it immensely impossible and ridiculous to bump into him out of all people in the human world.

The first week of September rolled around soon enough and the weather turned unreasonably, insistently rainy. The sky turned grey, the air was sharp and chilly and the sun no longer beamed. The rain made the ground muddy instead and so came the bittersweet impatience of autumn again. By then, even the professors knew better than to put you and Satoru Gojo anywhere close to each other. Students from years above and below were painfully aware of your tricks against one another. And those who came quickly learnt how things worked between you. Whenever they saw it play out on the field or in the hallway.

Though the fifth year appeared to be special for one more reason. The Yule ball — an addition of sparkles, warming up the already cheery mood as Christmas was approaching. It was a diamond, casting a bright light over everybody, one so rare it outshone anything unpleasant leading up to it. You saw it as a highlight to look forward to, however, you knew such things could be marked as a once in a lifetime opportunity, one that would be carved to your memory for evermore and passed down. So it too left a sentimental hole in your chest. The moment hasn’t come by yet and you were already missing it, mourning the cruel passage of time.

Originally you looked forward to spending the evening with the three of your friends you gathered throughout the years, amongst them your dearest friend Arabella with whom you share your dorm-room and a set of twin sisters whose hair was the colour of raven’s feathers. Their eyes painted like the depths of the Forbidden forest, their frames enveloped in robes embroidered with yellow as their house was Hufflepuff, making their eyes stand out even further. Turns out life itself had other plans for the four of you. It was you who sort of torn up the first plan apart. Or rather someone else did it for you. And in hundreds of years you would not once be able to phantom a reality where the guy you had a crush on would persuade you too. But here it was.

You had first taken notice of him during practice in your third year. Ravenclaws and Gryffindors were on the field together since there had been a mistake in scheduling the accessibility of it. And since then he’s been lingering in your mind, during classes as well as on quiet afternoons. It’s been almost two whole years and you haven’t mustered up the courage to speak to the Gryffindor’s beater outside of quidditch practices or matches.

The turn of events happened on a random Monday morning two weeks before the actual ball. A morning on which you somehow overslept, you never slept through your alarm so it seemed it was scripted for you to bum into the guy you took a secret liking to. You quickly mustered up a greeting as you passed him near the Astronomy tower, rushing footsteps echoing in the hallway. A sound of your name ringed through the walls which put you to an abrupt stop, turning to face the amber eyed dirty blonde beater who made your heart beat quicken with a simple gaze so hearing your name falling from his lips almost caused you an entire heart attack. The conversation was awkward at first as the guy questioned you, subtly suggesting if you managed to find yourself a date for the ball. You were utterly and wholeheartedly oblivious to his intentions so you went through embarrassing comebacks between one another. Until the Gryffindor actually decided asking you directly would be the best option. Seems like he was rather nervous about talking to you as well.

Out of overbearing shock, you stumbled out a question, asking if you were hearing him right. To which he simply laughed and nodded, the sound sending you over the edge as it charmed a genuine smile upon your lips. You accepted and just like that, your life took an unexpected turn you never would’ve seen coming.

Later that same week as the ball keept getting dangerously closer, the white haired Slytherin made sure to stop by and poke you as it was his habit.

“Why sulking? Afraid you won’t fetch yourself a date for Yule ball?” a familiar smooth voice called out which made you stop reading mid sentence and look up from your lap where you had your notes carefully sprawled out. You blinked at him as if to properly comprehend what he said before your brows furrowed automatically.

“I am not sulking, Gojo,” you replied calmly, giddy from being asked out earlier this week, but it still had a bitting undertone to it. He stood still, masked in the Slytherin’s uniform in front of you and your friends, barely sparing them any attention. His hair wasn’t neatly kept, strands of crestfallen hair peaking out of all directions. The green tie on his neck was loosened as he slightly hovered above you, his porcelain skin glowing due to the light casted at him from the nearby window. Iridescent eyes full of mischief and playfulness stared down at you. It was no doubt he was gorgeous. Both of you grew into your teenage features and it served him justice. If only his attitude had been better, possibly then you would bring yourself to admit you found him charming too. In a way.

“As a matter of a fact, I already have a date,” you shrugged nonchalantly trying to appear cool, not entirely sure why you felt the need to inform him on the situation.

“Bet you do,” he snickered, not believing a word you just said and then he was gone as quickly as he spawned. The smallest part of him thought you might be telling the truth, however, he was quick to reject that idea as his chest felt a bit heavier so he rather focused on how he’d mock you when you’d show up unescorted to the ball.

“He will be in for a shock,” the younger of the twins called Beatrice said when the mischief itself was out of earshot and all of you then laughed out loud. You fantasised of countless scenarios on how the ball would go, each one having its significance as well as the moment of truth when Gojo Satoru would realised what you said was indeed true. You were excited to have him disappointed as you would actually show up with a very real date by your side.

“Does he already have a date?” the older twin Dorothy beamed a second later, her voice dripping with curiosity as her gaze followed the boy in the distance.

“Without a doubt,” Arabella chuckled as she cut her down before she could get any wrong ideas.

It was no secret that Satoru Gojo rapidly went up on the scale of swooning the ladies as he transformed into a young man, making him a heartthrob.

He was after all the living legend and the spitting imagine of his father, so it was no-brainer why.

“You wouldn’t go out with him, would you?” your gaze tilted towards the older twin with your lips almost turned downward in disgust.

“I dunno, maybe,” she joked around while somehow still being serious. At that you simply shot her a questionable look, you weren’t able to wrap your head around the fact that not even your friends were immune to his charm. It left you feeling like an alien in an enemy territory

“What? He’s nice to look at,” she whispered in addition, her voice cracking softly with an undertone of dreaminess. To which you only huffed, not wanting to judge her or acknowledge it any further.

For Satoru Gojo it hadn’t come off as grand, the ball was simply a formal occasion he was not too thrilled to attend as he came across countless of the same kind throughout his life. It didn’t cause his days to blend together into a blur like it did for you. Actually, the dazzling wizard found himself fixated on the summer’s passing and hyperventilating over his newly discovered sense of emotions and their unknown meaning rather than a dumb ball. By that time he was all too familiar with the tingling feeling enveloping his chest whenever someone struck up a mention of you in between sentences. It wasn’t normal, something he definitely shouldn’t be feeling for someone like you. He sensed it creeping over his shoulder within the first weeks of school as winter approached. It evoked fear and swirled his emotions into a denial, refusing to put a label on the gnawing torture, choosing to stay oblivious to it all.

His two friends whose parents knew his talked him into going out to the small village of Hogsmeade on a random Saturday morning. It was the weekend before the special event which caused the entirety of Hogwarts to go a tad crazy. So it was no wonder the place was jammed, when he and his peers busted through the wooden door leading to one of the most popular pubs, as it too was only a week before everyone would depart home for the winter break.

Satoru’s gaze briefly glided over the space as he and his friends immediately went in to order at the main desk. As they waited for their order, he leaned against the bar with his elbows while chatting up his friends as well as greeting everybody whose face resigned a hint of recognition. At one point his eyes caught yours on accident, you quickly looked away into the remains of the butter-beer you were sipping on and the gesture didn’t go unnoticed by him.

You weren’t alone, you and the three other girls whose names were short-lived in his memory sat in the very corner of the busy place. His gaze stayed firm in your direction, pondering if you would give in and look his direction one more time. He opened his mouth about to point you out teasingly to his friends, a grin forming in the corner of his lips but the words died quickly on his tongue as the alluring presence suddenly seemed to radiate off you, the one he couldn’t cipher out.

He bit down onto his tongue, his lips sealed to keep your presence a secret from his company, deciding to leave you alone for once. Then a small soft huff identical to a smile painted his expression. He felt a nudge in his side then which forced him tear his gaze away from you, the hint of a smile dissolving.

Just this time, he thought to himself as they walked away from the bar with their order. Sitting down at one of the tables on the other side of the packed place, not daring to let his orbs wander towards you again.

Your heart drummed against your ribs, afraid he would come crashing down your little circle. A flash of relief pierced through you as the ball of white fur disappeared somewhere out of your eyesight.

The actual ball itself arrived along with the end of the week, an ending closing up yet another chapter of the school year. The Great Hall took an unusual shape during the Yule Ball. Adorned with shimmering icicles and twinkling fairy lights hanging from the ceiling. The hall was transformed into a winter wonderland, complete with elegantly draped banners and a magnificent ice sculpture centerpiece. Trees were nestled at the end of the long room, draped in snowflakes and Christmas decorations. The long tables were lavishly set with festive treats, while the magical atmosphere beamed with floating candles that illuminated the joyous celebration. And despite the cold outlook of the space, it brought nothing but warmth into the hearts of all present.

The celestial eyed wizard chose a tailored suit featuring a sleek silhouette which radiated elegance, making it perfect for a grand ball such as that. He planned on wearing something less fancy as he did not care much for the occasion, however, he was convinced by his date to switch up his original idea. The rich navy colour enhanced his features while the finely stitched details and classic lapels ensured a polished look, serving his high rank.

He was dragged by his date into the hall earlier than he would’ve liked, being one of the very first ones to appear. Satoru Gojo used that time to converse with his friends rather than the date he tagged along with him. She was in the same year as the both of you, sharing his house and more importantly belonging to a pureblood family. She was someone his parents would approve of, maybe that’s why he chose to go with her. Not that it was of any significant, he didn’t plan on keeping her around for long. Other than that, she was beautiful. Shiny jet-black hair, crystalline eyes. Slender and tall figure.

The ball was about to be marked as started by the headmaster any moment and his grin widened as he figured you were too embarrassed to show up without your imaginary date in the end. Sense of victory coursed through his veins, yet it was quick to deflate when a group of people hurried through the decorated wooden door hanging open at last second. Seven figures making their way inside with quick steps. His eyes first registered the pair of twins rushing in with their partners at the front of all the other people, then it was Arabella whom he noticed lingering behind them. He pointed you out the last as you were hidden by your friendly gathering, on purpose almost. He felt as it were July again, that one particular evening in which the weather was a bit too unbearable, and he saw you living your silly life in the streets of the capital city. Satoru remembered it vividly, you walking down the alley with your father.

Wait. He counted seven people.

He focused his sight properly, only then noticing your arm was interlocked with another. He did not appreciate how his chest battled a new unfamiliar tightening. His trance was altered by the sudden stillness of movements, everyone turning to face the headmaster. So he did the same.

The headmaster welcomed each student, wishing all a pleasant evening and nice holidays. Satoru didn’t listen, he couldn’t give a damn about a supposedly heartfelt speech which probably remained the same for centuries. A sense of urgency embodied him, eyes peaking into your direction. Capturing your beautifully dressed presence as well as the presence of your date. Of course he knew who it was. A face he saw pretty often while up in the air on his broomstick, a face he hadn’t felt like acknowledging too much. Till now.

The night went two opposite directions for you.

You were ecstatic as you couldn’t picture the night being any more perfect. Surrounded by friends, enveloped in arms of somebody for whose attention you longer for. And for the first time in eternity, your rival’s presence did not tickle you insufferably against your will.

You stood by the ridiculously stretched out tables in your dress while nearly tearing up at the headmaster’s speech. Your dress was crafted from ethereal blue tulle, set with a cascade of silver sequins that danced like stars in the night sky against the fabric. Each sequin caught the light in a different angle, charming up a touch of awe to your presence. The delicate layers of tulle added a whimsical silhouette to your frame, perfect for twirling under the soft candlelit glow. The dress too featured a fitted bodice that accentuated your waist, while the flowing skirts still allowed you to move gracefully without any trouble. Your neck was decorated with silver jewels borrowed from your mother, crafted with perfection in the human world.

The first stop of the night was a feast where you had multiple options to chose from. It took up at least an hour and a half, the hall filled with laughter and pure carefree demeanour as tunes of violin echoed through the wintery hall. The seven of you remained seated long after you finished gobbling up dinner. You filled your time together with chatter, getting to know each other. Especially you and your date. You worried at first that your conversations would be awkward and shallow, yet it reflected in the opposite way, catching you by a surprise. The flow of the conversation was smooth with no unnecessary pauses nor fake laughter. It felt natural and you could sense your heart melting into the shape of his palm.

The dance floor soon filled with couples. You gracefully accepted when your date offered you a dance with a mere charming hand gesture. You picked up your skirts, allowing him to guide you to the dance floor. Your insides nearly exploded from bliss as your hands collided together, his grip securing your upper hip in a formal manner along with your hand landing gently on his broad shoulder. You stood close to the other, bodies couple of inches apart. The world around you two was put to a pause, your eyes glued to each other and God, your cheeks started to hurt from how much you were smiling at that point.

And for the first time you were grateful to your father who was the one to teach you those basic steps of waltz, saving you from embarrassment.

Couple of meters away from you was Satoru, swaying his body in familiar steps of waltz in synchrony with his date. His hand lazily draped over her hip as his gaze nearly shamelessly wandered, flickering towards you each time an opportunity opened. The organ granting him vision glided over your frame, capturing the way your limbs moved — casting an illuminating strings of dazzling sparks, the sequins sewn to the fabric of your dress to praise for that.

You danced till your feet felt sore and your throat dry. You excused yourself then and headed towards the table with the non alcoholic punch, filling your own glass with the red-ish liquid.

“Got a spare one?” the voice of your friend Arabella called out from behind your back. You instantly handed her a cup you had just filled with a hint of smile, nodding your head for her to take it. And when she did with a sliver of hesitation, you filled up another for yourself.

You both sipped at the punch while standing by the side of the dance floor, sugary taste lingering in your mouth.

“You should ask her for a dance, she’s all alone now,” you spoke as you shot your glance towards the girl on the opposite side of the dance floor which was packed with people to the brim. Then you hazily turned to your left where Arabella was standing beside you.

“I don’t know, Y/N, it doesn’t seem like a good idea,” she replied nervously, shaking her head and fiddling with the glass in her hands clumsily. She barely looked up from the ground, refusing to meet your understanding gaze. You could only smile at her attempts to hide her frustration.

“You’ll never know if you won’t try, Ara,” you leaned in closer to her, gently placing a hand on her upper back, your voice dropping an octave causing to sound more like whisper due to the vocal music blasting.

Her body remained still, taking small shaky breaths.

“Go!” you encouraged her one more time, squeezing her flesh lightly to send her off. To your upmost surprise she barged into the pack of bodies, pushing to the other side with fierceness you rarely saw in her. As a good friend you watched over her, it was hard to map out the situation as people dance, blocking your vision of her. Your heart pumped in your chest, praying she wouldn’t be let down.

And you could relax seconds later when the dance floor was awarded with one more pair. You felt giddy for the success of your friend, sending her thumbs up as well as nodding your head proudly in approval.

Meanwhile Satoru and his group of misfits sneaked outside the Great hall to the courtyard right outside the main entrance. The cold immediately kissing his cheeks, causing them to flush pink. He and his group of friends, including his date, leaned against the stone railings and used the pillars as a cover in case some authority decided to check the outside as well. One of his friends revealed a bottle of alcohol hidden safely under the wing of his jacket. So they began passing it down between one another, the chilly feeling in his bones soon replaced with warmth rushing down his throat and spiking straight into his system. Couple of mindless mouthfuls later and he was done for.

He stumbled back inside when you were still finishing up your glass of punch, eyes steadily checking up on your friend. Unfortunately for you, the table with the punch lingered near the entrance so it wasn’t hard for him to depict you from the rest.

“Honestly? Thought you knew better than to go after someone like him,” he mumbled with sheepishness etched into his features, his usual straight posture slightly slumped and lips smudged with pink lipgloss. And it became obvious very quickly that he was under the influence, the sight of him sickened you more than usual.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked rather confused, taking a step away from him as his breath carried an essence of the substance.

“You know exactly what I mean,” the virtue himself slurred the words out slowly, looking disheveled which you never expected him to be since he looked after his imagine quite well till now.

Satoru Gojo might have not acknowledged your date much before-hand, however, he had a box ticked when it came to the guy. He was the same as him. In a sense he couldn’t put to words at that precise moment and it scared him, knowing you trusted him.

“You’re insufferable,” you hummed with a light shaking of your head, crossing your arms on your chest as you gripped your glass tighter, overcoming need to splash the sweet nectar in his perfect face swallowing you.

“You can’t let me have night for myself, can you?” the sound of your voice jolted him back to reality regardless of how unpleasant your tone pointed at him sounded.

“Just looking out for you, sweetheart,” Satoru chuckled, flashing his boyish features. The sugarcoated nickname didn’t escape your senses and neither did the colour pink painting his cheeks, the alcohol to blame this time.

He made you feel utterly stupid.

“I have things to do, so excuse me,” you breathed out heavily after a pause hung between you for an awkwardly long time as his behaviour put you at loss for words.

“Surprised someone even went out with ya,” he admits as if it were the most obvious thing while scanning your eyes. And you wished it didn’t mean anything to you, you didn’t want his words carrying meaning. Yet, it cracked your heart a little as he spoke the words into the open.

It was not anger nor irritation which bubbled in your stomach, it was dejection.

“Go to hell, Gojo,” you uttered the words bitterly before disappearing into the dance floor, leaving him to fed for himself. And once again, Satoru overcame his inner battle of emotions causing what he did best.

Malice. The only way he knew, only one he learnt.

The short-lived interaction caused the joy of the event to be plagued, leaving its unforgettable mark behind. You continued to sway your hips to the music, you laughed again and again at the stupid jokes your date cracked to cheer up your gloomy mood, you patiently listened to Arabella’s rambling about her conversation with the girl she had her eyes set on for quite some time. And in spite of that, nothing could make the strange heaviness disappear from nestling in your chest, his intrigues stealing part of the magic. Ruining the night’s sweetness.

Perhaps it would ease your mind to know the rest of the night went even worse for the popular prodigy. He went on ignoring his date, paying attention to his friends and their rather pretentious attempts at embarrassing themselves. And when he turned to face the girl beside him about to ask her if she wanted to get out of there, she was nowhere to be seen.

Leaving him to his drunken bereft and reeling.

On the other hand, you ended the night on the same note you started it on as you soon enough found yourself preoccupied with presence of your friends as well as your date.

By the end of the ball, glitter was sprawled on the floor as you sat at one of the tables, accompanied by your friends. Arabella was lying down on the table, cheek pressed against the wood while her mouth remained slightly parted as it was well past midnight, the winter break starting. She was dozing off and you couldn’t help but admire the fleeting moment. Forgotten pair of shoes thrown under the table. Last couples dancing to the slowly dying instrumental music. The chatter getting more hushed and careful with most of the people already gone.

You yearned for the ability to freeze time so you could drink the moment into your memory. Those moments. Our lives are made up of a series of moments. If one is lucky enough, they’ll get hundreds, even thousands of them. Small moments. Moments when you’re doing something so mundane you aren’t realising you’re in a moment. There are also big moments, such as this one. Some are life changing moments, we have less of those than we are aware of. And precisely those will be in your mind for awfully long time.

Keep them all safe, you heard your mother’s voice ringing in your ears and you could simply smile.

Because this was one of those moment.

credits for dividers: [@enchanthings-a @cafekitsune]

[the-warmest-machine]

Neve Gallus - Character Design Analysis

Neve knows how an outfit builds character, whether it's to project a genuine or false perception of the wearer. All her clothes are designed to convey "wealthy and powerful mage" as a safeguard. In this analysis, we'll take a look at Neve's Dragon Coat and point out details, symbolism, and intention with design—all under the cut.

Asymmetry

The first aspect to cover is the asymmetry in Neve's overall design. Not pictured, her bun is uncentered. Pictured, her coat is raised higher above the left thigh, and her hat sits at an angle while the veil creates a dividing line across her face. Her bangs act like a veil of their own as well.

Asymmetry in a character suggests they're dynamic, unconventional, nonconformist in some capacity, willing to behave outside of the box, etc. You can see that reflected through Neve's willingness to work with the Threads, to skip ritual protocol (re: her conversation with Emmerich), her work-life imbalance, and how she's open and teasing with the companions despite her archetype. You'd expect a jaded and cynical detective to be more gritty and detached, but Neve is soft and engaging once she's beyond her initial assessment of each companion.

Returning to the coat's left side: I would guess the raised adjustment's purpose is visual compensation, to bring attention away from her prosthetic. It's easy to notice the length difference with a still, but when she's walking and in motion, it's not something you pay attention to. The devs mentioned they wanted her prosthetic to be treated like an average part of her, and they succeeded.

Thematic Imagery

The major imagery shown above is a butterfly. Butterflies represent metamorphosis. Change. And that's exactly what Neve endeavors to enact for Dock Town. Her scarf's knots create the head, around her neck are the antennae, and the braided tails form the body. Her collar and lapels shape the wings, while the curving leather and embroidered gold are reminiscent of a monarch's pattern.

The secondary major image are the wings, created from her shoulder pads with unfurled feathers beneath them. Wings typically represent freedom. In Neve’s case, this freedom relates to her city.

Combined, the butterfly and wing visuals symbolize transformation taking flight and paving a course for a better Dock Town.

Tevinter Symbols

Recurring motifs include snakes (belt, cobra prosthetic, scaled earring) and diamonds, both symbols heavily used by the Tevinter Imperium. They serve as provocative and centering design elements at face value.

The diamond adorning her back reminds me of a coiled snake; the end curl would be a tapering tail. Scales are embossed in the leather for a tasteful touch. Or maybe the shape represents a dragon, because the crowns adjacent from the diamond look like feet? It is called the Dragon Coat, so maybe it's a dragon's butt.

I've debated about whether the tiny, gold diamonds with tails are of significance, but they could very well be simple elements to break up monotony. Theories on what they could represent include the Wall of Light, architecture, fangs, or scales. Perhaps they're pins for case notes? Girl is on point and also kind of a disaster. I can imagine her pinning random notes and categorizing them by what layer they're pinned to.

Utility

Neve has options to choose from when it comes to keeping detective gear on her person, which shows her practicality. It pays to look good, and it pays even more to have fashion be useful.

The Dragon Coat's description itself mentions many pockets to stash case notes. The pockets are likely on the inside of her sleeves. Attached to her waist is a compact pouch with two objects slotted into the adjacent holders (could be writing utensils).

Again, if those diamond tears are pins... you can see the potential for stashing even more notes.

Neve's cobra prosthetic is part of every outfit, but I wanted to showcase its degree of function under utility. The ankle was designed as a hinge. This gives her improved mobility, which of course includes stretching. It most likely becomes uncomfortable after long durations of use; you can often see her weight shifted to her left leg and checking on her right leg. The entire prosthetic design is on point, and the extra attention to detail is exquisite.

Color

Turqoise.* In every companion outfit available, there is turqoise. I would say she "just likes turqoise," but that doesn't align with how she searches for deeper meaning in the subtle things. So for analysis' sake.... The color itself compliments Neve's playfulness and creates contrast to Dock Town's more or less neutral palette. It's a fun, vibrant color that makes a statement. It's also shared by the Shadow Dragons.

While Neve can be intimidating and is a badass, she's light and idealistic at heart—if you dig deep enough. All cynics at one point held hope in high esteem, before they were proven wrong one too many times, or maybe in one heinous letdown.

(*As a disclaimer, the color may not actually be turqoise. The symbolism as a vibrant and saturated color stays the same though, whatever the case.)

And… that brings us to the end of examining Neve’s Dragon Coat and what it shows us about her character. Any other thoughts, please share!